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inkskinned · 1 year

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im gonna start a fight; and, at the same time, i need you to take this in the most good-faith way possible, but:

videos that involve body-checking and intentionally (and uncritically) show a mealplan of an unhealthy number of calories are just a revamped version of pro-ana food diaries.

and yeah, i know there's arguments. i address some of them under the cut. but at the end of the day, we're just coming back to romanticizing mental illness; we've just found a better platform for it.

this is already something we've done. we knew it was wrong and tried to stop it. and tbh. it just wasn't enough.

there are people who argue "well, what if you have an eating disorder, you can't help it if you don't eat!" except that as someone with an ED; we are not infants. we know what we're doing. part of having an ED is that you are like, maybe too self-aware. even if we can't help our own food choices, we don't need to fucking romanticize the disorder - something we've been warning you about since 2013. there are hours of setup, filming, and editing that go into these videos. they do not happen to fall into place randomly. there is a reason they are pieced together to be beautiful, bright, inspiring.

there's this woman who pretty much only posts daily plans under a normal amount of calories, and everyone defends her saying but it's better than nothing! and i'm like. except she opens those with images of her showing off her body and provides no context in the video or caption that suggests that she believes what she's doing is unhealthy. she has hundreds of thousands of followers on a platform designed for young kids and teens. i refuse to believe that by accident her content just happens to be cheery advice on "healthy" versions of starving.

for any other symptom of mental illness, we would be incredibly enraged by this kind of placid acceptance of a "tips and tricks" fast-start guide. imagine if people posted pink & pretty videos saying "best places to cut yourself" as if it was a fucking storytime. we, as a society, are so fucking fatphobic that we would rather accept blatantly harmful displays of self harm than admit that we are obsessed with a hyper-thin body type.

i am not suggesting someone never talks about their disorder. i talk about mine. actually, it's a plot point in my book.

here's the difference: i recognize it's a fucking mental illness. i am very careful to never mention a specific weight, eating pattern, or calorie plan. i always make sure to position it as something that ruined my fucking life. i do not put cheery music in the background and hearts and sparkles over my worst moments. i do not film it in bright light. i do not start each passage with an image of a thin body followed by "here's how to look like her."

eating disorders should not be framed as aspirational. and the problem is that society worships the "after" image, so long as you don't get too sick. there is a reason so many people who quit being "influencers" will later admit - i wasn't eating well that whole time; an obsession with food was completely destroying my life.

we let any uncredited, uncertified person write the most backwards, fucked up shit about how to get the body you desire! because the underlying, secret belief is: well, at least they're thin! and the real thing that fucking gets me each time - they make fucking money off of it. their irresponsibility and societal harm literally pays off for them.

"why do you care so much." "don't like it don't look." "so what if people experiment with new ways of thinking of food?"

thank you for asking. we're about to get extremely personal. it's because when i was 18 i discovered "thinspiration"/"thinspo." and it absolutely influenced, shaped, and codified my pre-existing eating disorder. i went from having some troubling habits and traits to being incredibly unwell within what felt like a matter of days. there were actual pages designed to train me on how to have an ED correctly. it was all so suddenly easy. i was sick; and the nature of the illness meant - i wanted to be sicker.

it takes an average of 7 years for a person to fully recover. i know this personally - even now, 10 years from the worst of it, i still fucking struggle. i am so much happier now and i eat what i want and i literally don't think about food at all (19 year old me would shudder) and yet - i still fucking know the calories of plain toast with butter.

an eating disorder is one of the deadliest types of mental illness. over 1 in 4 people with an ED will attempt suicide.

and i'm sorry. i just do not see the exchange rate of "high rate of engagement" versus "the value of a human life."

#and there's something else in there about like ....#tbh once i got over something like 1k followers #i stopped being specific about my ED for a REASON.#yes on ur personal locked blog that u use like a diary go ahead etc #but we are OBVIOUSLY not talking about that. we're talking about the sheer NUMBER of people i could be talking about #in that one paragraph. that you and i probably were thinking about 2 different influencers #bc they get to say that they're just posting FITNESS and if it's FITNESS it's OKAY and im like #jesus christ lord almighty #every person in recovery from an ED: this is incredibly dangerous holy shit do you know how much this would have triggered me #each of these ppl: how dare you!!!!!!!!! i am only harming those who WANT to engage with my content!!!!!#their followers: leave them alone !!! they can't help that they make an hours-long choice to frame their disorder as if it was #fucking cottagecore !!!!#like girlie this person needs THERAPY #again! i didn't even have that large of a following before i IMMEDIATELY deleted any specific mention of calories food etc #bc i recognize responsibility and i didnt EVER want to even ACCIDENTALLY encourage this #and im not even GETTING PAID FOR THIS!!!#aND THEY ARE!!!#something something something they know this content makes them money #they don't give a SHIT about u babe

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eddies-whoreee · 1 year

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Innocent!shy!reader being not so innocent ever since Steve showed her a new side of sex.

At first you didn’t really have much knowledge of sex, you knew that’s how humans reproduced. You knew you had different anatomy than a male. Mostly biology related facts to sex. Not actually sex, you were virgin. Which is a surprise when your at the same status in school as Tina and Carol. You were more kept to yourself, you rarely came to parties, opting to stay in and study. Or read a book you got. You were a cheerleader, but that didn’t mean you had to do everything like them.

Then Steve, a total man whore, player. But he was a complete sweetheart under his ‘King Steve’ bullshit act. Just a sweet boy how wants to be showered with love and affection. Who also had a tendency to get rough during sex. Not just rough and fast pace thrusts that make you feel it for days to come. Or sucking hickeys on your body til you were sore. He likes to see the tears of pain and pleasure flow down his partners face, slap them around till their faces are red. Leaving bruises from how hard his strong hands grip you up. Tossing you around into new positions. Because you’re light as a feather to him.

So when you and Steve clash. It was an unexpected surprise. Everyone couldn’t believe it. Rumors spread like wildfire. “There’s no way he stays with her for more than 2 days” or “how long do you think he’ll stay before he realizes he’s not getting any pussy.”

Then you guys had sex for the first time ( on your birthday) and you’re first time ever. Which you told him, he was sweet, gentle, loving. He took his time made love to your body. He left wet kiss everywhere. Making out with everyone inch of you. His hands roaming all over your body. Pulling you closer, caressing your face. He didn’t hold back his whine and moans and neither did you. You couldn’t even if you wanted to, he was so good at what he did, pleasure racing through your veins. He came two times you came three times. You felt completely limp, your legs were shaky, mind all fuzzy. You heard Steve’s sweet voice cooing praises at you. While he cleaned you and the mess up. He got the shower ready and did everything for you. Washed your body, hair, dried you up, got you dressed and put in bed under the covers. As you two layed in bed with a movie playing in the background of you two. You both were in the brink of falling asleep. When Steve called your name. You looked up at him. “I love you” he speaks softly playing with your hair. You smile widely cheeks heating up. “I love you too” you peep before giving him a kiss goodnight. You two soon fall asleep, smiling like idiots.

4 months later

Steve had a high sex drive, he loved sex. It was something he’s always been good at so what’s not to love? Now that he had his two most favorite things sex and you. He was always fucking you. But your sex drive? Through the fucking roof. Every second you were on him, kissing and touching. Grinding and rubbing. He loved every second of it. He rarely ever turned you down unless, he thought you were too fucked out for your own good. Like you’d been going for 7 rounds, 7! You came at least 6 times, he came 5 or 6 maybe 10 who knows at the point. Steve would love nothing more than to keep pounding you into the mattress. But you were tired and crying. He knew you couldn’t take anymore dispute you pleas for more. “Baby, how about we cuddle and watch a movie. Then after the movie if you want more ill fuck you how ever much your little heart desires, m’kay?” He asks giving your nose a kiss. You huff nodding. He smiles, “okay just gonna rest a little then I’ll get up and clean this up” he says breathing heavily laying his head down on your bare stomach. Spoiler: you two ended up falling asleep like that.

Or you were always on your knees, wanting your mouth and throat stuffed. He was at his desk in his room. And he had his stupid glasses on. The ones that make your blood rush with arousal, the ones that make your panties instantly soaked. The one that make you get off the bed and snakier you way over to him you turned his chair, to the side to get better access. “Princess, what are yo- oh! Fuck, b-baby you gotta give a man a w-warning” he moans biting down on his knuckle. In a blink of an eye you were pulling down his sweats and boxers, dick in mouth.

You’d become a completely different person, you still as sweet as honey. Couldn’t hurt a fly, but when lust ran through your body. It’s all you thought about. When you lost your virginity it sparked something in you. The softest of Steve’s touch, made your skin burn with desire. The nights he’s at work not able to get to you. Are the worst, of course you have toys for this situation but there not the real thing, your fingers aren’t as big and long as Steve’s. But you and Steve wouldn’t want it any other way.

Steve was an open sex addict and he hooked you on his drug now…. Addicts Unite!

#steve harrington #steve harrington smut #steve harrington fics #steve harrington x fem #steve harrington headcanons #steve harrington stranger things #stranger things #steve harrington headcanon #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve stranger things

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fisheraser · 8 months

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SPLATOON 3 NINTENDO DIRECT SIDE ORDER ITS HAPPENING ITS HAPPENING OH MY GOD

okay. analysis time

MY GIRL AAHHH SHES BACK!! okay SO. inkopolis square. but dead. its a bleached coral forest basically. there seems to be this sorta of,, electricity thing going on throughout the trailer that we can see on the lobby tower. overall looks dope as hell

WE HAVE THE FULL FIT!! FOR BOTH GENDERS!! okay first of all what are those ink tanks? sorta looks like those IV bags. same with the outfit,, the shoes sorta look like casts and the clothes look like some sort of sensory deprivation tank suit. a lot of medical vibes going on from the white color and everything. i love it

PEARL BOT! no questions about it, marina definitely made this for her (the wives :D) its interesting that pearl isn't actually there (marina isn't either, ill talk more about my theory later) but she can still talk to us through this robot. also love how marina added the sliding eyebrows to make it more expressive LMAO

i love how we can ride pearl bot as well. i think this will be an important feature, wonder if we can control her when this happens :O

okay what are these? i think the first one on the left is a mem cake, not really sure what the others are though

okay im seeing a theme of electricity and we can see in the background it sort of glitching, so i think side order might a simulation or something. the huge orb in the middle is definitely some fucked up zapfish (where you end the level im assuming), but its glitching and then a ton of the skeleton creatures come out of it

it looks like a ton of dead fish (dedf1sh...?),, we havent seen any octolings that you need to fight yet so these seem like the new enemies replacing them for side order. though i do wonder if we'll ever encounter an evil octoling (or inkling or salmonid, who knows) also are these an entire new species? or just some simulation creature

i also love how instead of ink, its the same electricity we've been seeing used to summon the weapons. this whole realms creation definitely has something to do with marina since its side order and its super technologically advanced

okay WOA numbers. definitely something marina would implement. i don't have much to say about this but yea, im loving the tech-y themes going on. it also seems like pearlbot is helping you fight these guys since she is shooting lasers at them. if she's sorta like small fry, i wonder if we will ever get to use her as a bomb, or if she is automatic

also its confirmed that the octoling is indeed agent 8! i was like 90% sure but im glad its definite

okay the biggest thing about this trailer, DEDF1SH!!!!!!!!!

"just another bystander who got sucked in." what sucked them in? my theory is that marina somehow trapped them in a simulation she made of a world thats orderly- maybe she made it after the final fest?or is this an already existing place? maybe some whirlpool was created after octo expansion and this place exists under inkopolis square?

SHE HAS A NAME!!! ACHT!!!! also i am so glad all of the fan theories were correct and she isn't evil, just still partially sanitized. i wonder if that will be a factor in the story? more dedf1sh lore?

her glasses are different! since she doesn't have the hypno shades anymore she prolly has much more awareness now since she isnt being brainwashed, though she is still sanitized- but i think the music is counteracting the effects of that since shes a dj and shes always wearing headphones

also why is her arm bandaged? what happened to her? also all this time i thought she was wearing a tshirt LMAO

i am a huge dedf1sh fan and i have quite a few theories about her, so i hope she is an important character in the story of side order and we get some backstory

ESPECIALLY ABOUT HER HISTORY WITH MARINA!! they are both djs so that probably is important, but i am really excited to learn more about them. i think marina mightve gone missing and we are looking for her too?

the color chips seem to be like, stat boosts? and also 8 started to gain color once you add them! its sorta like deep cut's colored fingers. wonder if this will be a new feature after the dlc! i loveee customization options

this seems to be the respawn animation which !?!?!? IS SO COOL!?!?!

i have no idea what this is but. oh my god. i am so excited for this. its happening.

#splatoon #side order #agent 8 #dedf1sh #pearl #marina #off the hook #IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS YOU GUYS #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #splatoon 3 #also id like to add #if agent 4 doesnt make an appearance #i will be very upset #because i am such an agent 4 enthusiast #and i want to see her again #that is all.

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phoenixyfriend · 2 years

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HECK my brain has provided a Silly AU

Okay, explanation: Saw a promo photo for AotC. Brain connected some dots. Rotated. Connected other dots. Now I have a weird net.

Background before moving forward: For most modern AUs, the pattern I follow for the disaster lineage main line is:

Feemor and Xanatos were Qui-Gon's mentees (college stuff), not his kids. One ended well. The other did not.

Obi-Wan was the result of a Bad Decision (likely alcohol, but could be a longer relationship). The bio mom is not in the picture, but Qui-Gon's doing his best with this kid.

First marriage was when Obi-Wan was still a toddler, to Tahl. Tahl dies when Obi-Wan is about 15/16. Qui-Gon deals poorly. This involves some ill-advised one-night stands.

About ten years later, one of said one-night stands calls him up with "I meant to be a single mother and not involve you, because all I had was the business card you left, but I've been having some health troubles and I need to know that Anakin has somewhere to go if something happens to me." Qui-Gon ends up with another kid. Obi-Wan and Anakin are half-brothers.

Okay now for the actual AU.

We give Anakin a reason to be transferred mostly to Qui-Gon. Maybe Shmi's health took a turn for the worse, maybe she died, maybe they decided Anakin would have better schooling if he was living with Qui-Gon, whatever. Point is mostly that Anakin is living with Qui-Gon (the dad he likes but only sort-of knows) and Obi-Wan (the half-brother he adores but doesn't see much of because Obi-Wan is in grad school).

And then Qui-Gon remarries.

To Mace.

And the entire point of all this is that I want Anakin's stepdad on this side to be Mace Windu and imagine the Various Nonsenses that may come about.

They have a very big house because Qui-Gon is Dooku's firstborn and is inheriting the Countship.

(Rael can't inherit because he's the only heir to a different title and he can't hold both at the same time.)

Anakin reading books about Evil Stepmothers and trying to figure out if he should be watching Mace for Important Signs.

Does it count if it's a stepdad? Are the books an accurate representation of the proper signs to watch out for?

My favorite QuiMace dynamic is Qui-Gon deliberately, constantly toeing the line of irritation to Mace. And Mace is just incredibly flat-faced about it at all times. People think they're just. Coworkers at best. And then Qui-Gon manages something extra ridiculous and earns himself a smile and a peck on the cheek and everyone's just like WAIT. WHAT. It's like. Qui-Gon embodies this constant, slightly smug, needling grin where he knows exactly how far he can push, and Mace is charmed by this against his better judgement.

Mace has to drive Anakin to school sometimes and there's just this. Kid. In the passenger seat. Staring at him. The only request he ever gets from the kid is to go Fast. It happens once. He says no. Anakin doesn't ask again, just. Stares at him.

Mace knows the kid isn't possessed but he sure as hell feels like it sometimes; he wants to endear himself to his stepkid, but said stepkids spends half his time staring suspiciously at him from around corners for no reason.

I am envisioning this all taking place in like. This egregiously old and fancy mansion in the Scottish Highlands or something. All those painfully upper crust carved dark wood stair rails and whatnot. The tropey kind.

Qui-Gon decides Mace and Ani should try to Bonding Exercise. Sets them up in an escape room. Mace turns to read the instructions and turns around to find Anakin trying to unscrew the door from the wall because That's One Way To Win, Right? It's Not Against The Rules. He's not trying to escape for anxiety reasons or anything, this is just the fastest way to Win, and boy does Anakin love winning.

Qui-Gon goes off to a botany conference so the house is just Mace and Anakin (and staff, but half the building is a living museum because Qui-Gon doesn't like Rich Life, so that's not actually anything that involves them), and it's. The most awkward thing.

Obi-Wan and Mace get along well. Obi-Wan and Depa (Mace's adopted daughter) get along great. It's just Anakin being so gosh darn weird.

The acceptance phase with this child involves climbing. Anakin is climbing his stepdad to reach Things Up High before he actually talks to him like a Fellow Human Being.

Anakin climbs Qui-Gon to reach high things all the time so Mace figures it's a good sign. It's just also annoying because now he has to change his shirt since there's a child-sized footprint on it.

(Ironically, Anakin adores Depa. She can cook better than anyone else in this family, except Mom and that Dooku guy that's apparently Grandpa)

(Granted I can also very easily imagine this as not-manor life, but like. random suburb.)

@epicmusic42 (Wren) pointed out:

The manor is important bc it gives ambiance to Anakin's suspicion. Could also have a b-plot where depa and obi are investigating what they think might be a murder? They're not sure and they're not letting anakin join bc they're terrified they'll be right and find a dead body komari stashed in the walls 20 years ago

Mace, rubbing his temples: She's alive and living on Cypress. We can video call her.

Obi-Wan and Mace get along well. Obi-Wan and Depa get along great. It's just Anakin being so gosh darn weird.

The acceptance phase with this child involves climbing. Anakin is climbing his stepdad to reach Things Up High before he actually talks to him like a Fellow Human Being.

Anakin climbs Qui-Gon to reach high things all the time so Mace figures it's a good sign. It's just also annoying because now he has to change his shirt since there's a child-sized footprint on it.

(Ironically, Anakin adores Depa. She can cook better than anyone else in this family, except Mom and that Dooku guy that's apparently Grandpa)

The idea of Depa and Obi-Wan furiously whispering about Weird Ghost Things in a corner while Anakin is pretending to be otherwise occupied is killing me.

He's got on noise cancelling headphones. They are not on. He is listening very intently to his Grown Up Siblings.

He's going to crawl into the vents and find the ghost Mace finds him half-way inside a vent he removed himself and just. Pulls him out. What the fuck fudge, kid?

Wren:

Mace: [considers his daughter. Considers everything he knows Obi-wan. Considers that this is Qui-Gon’s kid] Mace, resigned: ...does this have anything to do with depa and Obi-wan’s idea that there's a ghost? Anakin: ...maybe

I need Anakin to have a nightmare and he tries to find Qui-Gon but Mace is already awake and decides to Make Some Hot Chocolate.

Groundskeeper Plo and his granddaughter Ahsoka.

Shaak is Plo's daughter-in-law and Ahsoka's mom. She spends most of her time working in the neonatal ward of the nearest hospital, so she leaves Ahsoka with Plo a lot.

This toddler has decided Anakin is her favorite person EVER.

Wren:

plo might have planted some odd evidence to help Mace bond w anakin over a mystery. Whether that's still what depa and obi are investigating tho...

Plo has a pilot's license and Anakin spends so much time asking him about it

Anakin keeps trying to get into the antique swords Mace would tear his hair out if he had any

Wren:

Mace: help? Qui? Qui: Ani, the same rule applies to you as it did to the rest of our family. You have to beat father in a duel before you can touch his collection Whether or not it works depends entirely on whether it's Dooku's swords Anakin is trying to access Mace is concerned by this is until Qui-Gon points out that his father did go to the Olympics. Several times in fact.

Anakin's upset because he can't beat Dooku in a duel when Dooku's on some wine tour in Italy and won't be coming back until all the court cases are over.

There's a fic (by @willowcrowned) where Dooku is Ventress's fencing coach to get her to the Olympics and I like that option (She's going in the will and everyone knows it.)

Glorious! Could drive the chaos up even more by interrupting Mace's progress w anakin, w dooku coming home w ventress in tow, actually. The only explanation he'll give is that she's staying and to treat her like family. Everyone is Concerned

You know those comics where Dick Grayson is like. Swinging on the chandelier and scaring the shit out of Bruce and Alfred? That's Anakin.

Qui-Gon is relatively responsible and tells Anakin that he can sign up for a gymnastics class if he'd like, but he's not swinging from the chandelier without safety equipment. That's How Your Uncle Rael Broke His Leg, You Know. Unfortunately, he's still too chill about it for Mace's blood pressure.

Also, I decided that if I ever do anything with this, it's QuinObi.

I think Mace and Tholme would make for very saltmate in-laws (and hey, we could do the Plo thing!), but also Quinlan would probably enjoy winding up his future step-father-in-law just as much as Qui-Gon does.

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freementallyillkid · 26 days

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Toddler Hc

jinx x reader

Word count: 680

Sorry it’s kinda short. I wasn't feeling this prompt for some reason :/ hope you like it at least a little

-100% tricked when your toddler was a baby, they pretty quiet and went to bed without too much of a fuss

-Apparently they were just saving all their energy for when they hit year 2

-Very much like jinx in the good but slightly tiering way very artistic (though you struggle to figure out what they’re drawing) and always running around jumping off of something (which stresses the both you out to no end)

-VERY early on you realized how no toddler proof jinx’s lab is, which might seem obvious but when the both of you spent 90% of your time there you forget that the treasure chest of explosive is completely in reach for toddlers

-timeskip to 2 days later you’ve finished baby proofing it (probably) after that one you both really started to realize how stressful it is to much sure your kid is safe, not even in Jinx’s lab just living in the undercity

-This leads the both of you to become very protective of them (even more than before if it’s even possible) they will NEVER be allowed in the last drops bar no matter how old they are, any new staff will be going through teens stalking someone on the internet level background checks.

-Toddler is also 100% spoiled neither you or Jinx grew up with a lot so the baby will have anything they could want (maybe your both using it as a way to heal your inner child) + with silco king pen of the undercity they have the ultimate protection and spoil-y grandpa

-jinx makes HUNDREDS of little toys and crap for them

-on the more angsty side it was a real struggle to find a way for Jinx to be around as much as she wants to be with her episodes, she is prone to be way more reactive and violent

-Another thing that the both of you noticed pretty early on thankfully, you came up with a system just a random word or phrase maybe a noise to let you know when she could feel any kind of episode coming on and when she was already in one it was pretty obvious so you could take toddler somewhere/with someone safe so you could tend to Jinx

-This of course lead to you pretty often finding Jinx crying about how she was a ‘terrible mom’ you would always hold her and tell her how it wasn’t her fault and how being parent was going to be a wildly different experience for someone with mental illness

-and of course she does the same thing for you if you ever feel like you’ve failed as a parent in some way

-Jinx she wasn’t really old enough to remember much of her bio parents and even though Vander was a good father she didn’t get to be around him for very long and Silco isn’t really the best role model for what to be as a parent and if the you didn’t have a great parent you both feel like your not prepared to be parents

-not really knowing what should really be considered right or wrong while still wanting to let your kid know they do what they need to in order to protect themselves +when the hell do you even have that talk with your 2 year old??

-Jinx also being depressed about how your kid will never know their aunt, uncles or grandma and grandpas thinking it’s her fault

-She tries to find pictures of them and is only partly successful so she draws pictures of them too

-Being a parent in general is so hard already with tantrums, getting a toddler to sleep, feeding them, entertaining them, education (is there even a proper education system in the Undercity???), making sure they feel safe and loved.

-But all that in the first place but that as first time parents living in the undercity with at least one mentally ill parent???

-In the end no matter how tired ya’ll are you both love your toddler more than anything in the world and would commit multiple war crimes for them

—-------------------------------

#x reader #gn reader #fluff #arcane #male reader #fem reader #jinxarcane #jinx x reader #parenting #toddlers #parent!jinx #parent!reader #light angst

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sensei-venus · 1 year

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Thoughts on poly binary boyfriends and their chubby girlfriend who is too insecure to wear lingerie bc she thinks she's "too fat for that"?

“Put It On Yah”

(Unesited) (Mentions of Body Image Issues, Squint to find Monster Cock! Demetri, Moon being a good friend in the background.) (Moster Cock!Demetri 🤤✊ @gemini-sensei )

“But it's so cute! You have to get it! Hawk and Demetri will love it on you.”

Moon pouted and whined as she held up the lacy lingerie set. She twisted it around as she held it up, looking at it from different angles. She picked at the fabric for a moment. Reader didn't even want to look at her as she messed with the lacy underwear.

Moon had talker her into going out and shopping with her at the mall together for the day and she just couldn't say no to the girl. Hawk and Demetri where at the dojo with the rest of the students from Miyagi-Fang. A day class wasn’t that odd but it did leave her with some free time away from them. It was a little lonely so when Moon texted asking to go out, she said yes.

She was slowly starting to regret the decision to go out with the giggle girl.

The little lingerie shop in the corner of the mall wasn't on her to do list so when Moon pulled her onto the little boutique she was a little shocked. She wasn’t expecting it at all. When Moon started pulling out random sets of underwear from different bins she knew her fun time was over. The idea of lingerie always made her stomach bubble in embarrassment and dread. It had never crossed her mind to try on anything like that let alone actually wear it.

When she brought up the idea of wearing it for Hawk and Demetri, her stomach turned even more in insecurity.

“I don’t know about this Moon, do you even think they will actually like it? Iv never even heard them mention liking this kind of stuff.”

“Oh come on all guys like to see their girl in something revealing~ a little spicy- every once in a while. Then again you could just tease them in it if you really wanted too.” Moon shrugged as she handed the little number to Reader.

Readers eyes looked over the sketch fabric in her hands as Moon walked around the shop. She bit her lip as she really looked at it. Maybe it wasn't a bad idea to get it. She could just come back and return it if it didn't work out, no harm done. Maybe it would be fun to tease the boys with a skimpy little number.

“I'll get it but I'm blaming you if I make myself look stupid for my boyfriends.”

Moon squealed from the other side of the store making Readers eyes roll.

Reader decided to plan out the whole night the guys got home. The training ran over so they didn't get back until later that evening.

Now everyone was home.

The boys had showed and where relaxing on there bed. Demetri was on his phone doing something while Hawk was flipping though a book that Demetri let him borrow. The two of them where pretty quite beside the occasion comment to one another.

Reader poked her head out of the bathroom and into the bedroom to get a better look at the two. She chewed at her bottom lip as her eyes scanned over their relaxed figures.

“ I uh-uh wanted to show you guys something-”

She couldn't fully form her sentence when they both turned to look at her. Her body froze before she could even walk out from behind the bathroom door. Her face felt like it was on fire and her head felt fuzzy in that very moment.

“Forget it! I uh, just give me a few minutes and ill be out.”

Both guys looked at each other before looking back at the now closed bathroom door. Hawk was the first one up. He slowly walked to the door and lightly knocked.

“You ok in there? Kinda sounded like you really wanted to show us something.”

“I don't think it's a good idea now. I thought it over and I don't think you guys will like it. I'm just going to change and get ready for bed.”

Demetri’s ears perked up at the mention of getting dressed.

“Changed? Did you get something new? I know you and Moon went to the mall recently. Did you want to show us a new outfit or something? We would love to see what you got.”

Reader was silent from the other side of the door. She couldn't help but stand in front of the bathroom mirror and look at herself.

(I thought this was cute-)

She really couldn't decide if she wanted to show them the new lingerie. She could just take or off and put a shirt and shorts on and call it a day. Take the lingerie and hide it in their closet somewhere. Maybe she could just return it at the mall-

“Shit that's hot-”

“Babe you look so fucking sexy in that-”

Reader nearly jumped out of her skin as she tried to cover herself with her hands and arms. Her eyes wide as she turned to the door to find it now open and both of her boyfriends standing in the door way. Both of them stared her down. Their feet rooted to the spot where they stood. Hawl licked his lips as his eyes drank her in. Demetri was chewing on his bottom lip as his eyes widened and scanned over her almost naked form.

“I didn't think you would like it...”

“Why did you think that? Your so sexy in that princess. And all for us? Why would you say that.”

Reader fiddled with her fingers. She looked down at herself.

“Because I'm to big for this kind of stuff... I'm too fat to wear things kind of stuff and still look as sexy as those girls on the magazine covers. I'm not a cover girl or anything...”

Hawk rushed over to her and pulled her into a hug, Demetri following. The two boys hugged her tightly.

Hawk kissed at her cheek saying “Don't go there, you are just as amazing and hot as those girls on the magazines. And the thing is, we think your hot in it so it doesn't matter. Those girls mean nothing to us.”

Demetri nodded saying “I uh don't think I would be as uh happy as I am if you where anything else but sexy.” Demetri lightly humped into her upper thigh. The large bulge, his rapidly growing erection that strained his shorts,rutted into her naked thigh. Her eyes widened and her face grew warm out of pure embarrassment. Hawk ginned at Demetri's equally as embarrassed facial expression.

“I-oh my-”

“Oh my indeed, I think we should get you back to the bedroom before Demetri blows a load in the bathroom.”

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cerealmonster15 · 1 year

Photo

okay. OKAY. ok. um. exposing my lore. also SORRY i rarely use color these days bc ive never had a good grasp on it so it’s just. very rough ideas here. a concept if u will.

anyway lore under the cut bc it’s long and all over the place and i do not expect anyone to have the patience LOL but it will be here. for ME. 😌

FOR THE RECORD before there was really an english twst fandom anywhere, i just had my friend in discord as we dove into translations off of youtube early on. these characters kinda were born from discord ramblings and goofy inside joke doodling BUT now im going. to share or whatever. i mentioned these two here but ill probs cover all that again here as i will try to be thorough!!!

anyway i have to give backstory in like 2 sections first. these guys [if u dont care then skip to the bullets for the actual character lore/story summaries], their main purpose for existence is CATERELLA soap opera drama. WHAT is caterella you might ask??? some people in the fanbase either headcanon or theorize or au-ify cater as being in a cinderella storyline bc he’s got the 2 pushy older sisters and kind of a more solemn side he hides while trying to be all upbeat around others yadda yadda. i thought that was FUN. i have. so many different branches of caterella aus/concepts involving other potential cater ships lol, but this is the only oc route. i have a really big web of all those potential ideas but it’s VERY erratic and would be a monster of a thing to show anyone. also it’s embarrassing LOL so it stays in discord. for now.

ANYWAY. first we have CHAR (left). He’s very loosely based off prince charming from cinderella. a friendly guy, in line for the throne or whatever, and I think a third year at RSA. He’s long lost childhood friends with CATER from when they were like, five years old or something, but lost contact when cater had to move away because of his dad’s work.

Canonically, Cater has said he’s had to move around every two years or so because of his dad’s job (i think he’s a banker or something? i dont remember exactly tho). Because of this, cater’s mentioned a lot that he’s not really had childhood friends that he grew up with, like how trey, riddle, and chenya have each other.

a while ago on twitter (or pixiv? idr) when i was scrounging for fanart, I came across fanart of cater and some RSA guy smiling and waving to him, and cater looked kinda like, surprised and startled?

now this was like a Year Ago and I can’t remember how much of it was in the image vs how much came from my inference vs how much i came up with later on my own - according to my discord rambles, adeuce were in that pic in the background going :0, and it looked like they were in town shopping or something and had run into this guy. i feel like i either got the impression from the post that cater knew the guy and he was recognizing and happy to see cater, and cater was either like “uhh who r u” or “oh, uh, nice to see you too what a surprise??” and i was like oooo maybe hes a childhood friend. idr if the post or his design specified he was prince charming or if i did that myself to fit caterella better. i do not remember what the guy looked like in the post lol.

ANYWAY from there i pretty much took off running with the concept of cater having a childhood friend that had a crush on him and then was all sad when he moved away, only to run into him year’s later on sage’s island when he was in town shopping and cater was out with ace and deuce.

here r some forbidden doodles from forever ago lol

ACE JUMPSCARE!!! anyway. not important. we’ll come back to this later!!

oh also his name LOL. since he was from prince charming i was looking up names that mean charming lol, and then i found this

and i thought yknow what. if snow white is allowed to be given a name like neigie leblanche, or VIL for the EVIL QUEEN, i should be allowed prince char for prince charming klfjdsf

OKAY moving on FOR NOW to. lol. Dañarte. like i mentioned in the other post, that very much Is Not A Name and was kind of just a joke at first bc of my typo getting autocorrected.

sorry it’s BLURRY anyway he spawned into existance a few months later when i was trying to say fanart and autocorrect said Dañarte. which is just spanish for harm you. this was maybe while i was tyring to think of a name for char, my friend said it sounded like a fancy prince name, i looked up the meaning, my friend was like oh god it’s a threat, i remembered hans from frozen existed, and then that catrella line grew more branches. he eventually ended up in the role of char’s cousin and a second year[we’ll come back to that]. since hans had that whole thing of i think he was like one of 7 brothers or something he was all huffy about not having a place to rule of his own or whatever?? i was like hmm maybe he’s all jealous that his cousin’s in line for whatever throne they’re a royal family for 🤔 which flkjdslf yeah kinda ended up sounding like leona LOL dont worry about it that’s not the POINT the point is SOAP OPERA ROMANCE DRAMA!!!!

anyway. god this is already so much and i’ve barely gotten into it LOL UM... according to discord here’s a rundown of what my initial thoughts with char were:

rsa and nrc are having a mixer party thingy [hosted at RSA] and cater’s talking about how GRAMMABLE it’ll be and that he wants to find a fun outfit

he jokes(?) “oh maybe i’ll finally find my prince charming there lol~ since no one here appreciates caycay’s charm 😔”

riddle’s like 😒yea yea cater please pull your head out of the clouds and take the first years to town so you guys can do the shopping for the next unbirthday party

big brother caycay takes adeuce and probably other npcs off to do the shopping list stuff

MEANWHILE!!! at RSA, Char is hanging out with BESTIE CHENYA and talking about the mixer with nrc. chenya mentions he’s got some friends at NRC and pulls up magicam to show char some IMAGES- specifically he goes to CATER’S magicam bc riddle didnt really use magicam except that one time he made an acct to help cater study [ft in riddle’s dorm uniform story ❤] and idk trey probs doesnt post much besides maybe baking pics, dont worry about it, the important thing is that he pulls up a selfie caycay took with the heartslabyul family

[chenya voice] those are my childhood besties, trey and riddle, those are their funny little sons ace and deuce, and that one in the middle is cater, he’s fun too-

[char voice] !!! the one with orange hair you said is cater? not cater diamond, is it????

chenya goes back to the main profile page and is like ya it says his last name’s diamond

char’s all 😳 and tells chenya he knows cater, because the two of them were childhood friends!! and wonders if he’ll see cater at the mixer....

chenya goes “oooo or we could go see him right now nyahahaha” bc BOOM cater JUST posted a selfie 15 seconds ago with his adeuce sons out shopping in town!!!!

they zoom to town, chenya jumpscares his pals bc it’s the law 😌 and then char comes up to cater and is like “it’s been so long cater!!! do you remember me??” and caters like 🤔 who’s this pretty boy talking to me 🤔

said pretty boy’s like “I’m char!!! we used to play together all the time when we were little!!! but then you had to move away 🥺“ and cater’s like “....hmmm.... i do that a lot- OH!!!!! I remember now!!! wow, let’s take a reunion selfie 🤗” and they do, it’s cute.

char’s like “haha glad you remember! we were each other’s first kiss after all 😌” and caters like UM 😳 and adeuce are watching like 😯😯 and chenyas 👀

and it’s just something goofy, char’s like “yea we were like five and we had a wedding on the playground and you kissed me 😊 and then we promised to get married for real when we were old enough hahaha” [<- partially inspired by my mother telling me when i was like 2 i ‘married’ my bestie on the playground. i have no memory of this but jklsdfsd ANYWAY]

cater’s all “ahahaaaa omg that’s sooo embarrassing i cant believe you remember that!!!” and char says something like “oh yea of course I do! i had like the biggest crush on you back then and i was soooo sad when you moved away forever 🥺” and caters like oh, ummmmm 👍

still they exchange magicams/numbers/whatever and go about their business with adeuce pestering cater for the rest of the trip like the nosy little brothers they are

fast forward to heartslabyul returning to the dorm and ace [like in the doodle up there ^ lol] LOUDLY barges in shouting something like “CATER HAS A BOOOOOOOOOOYYYYFRIIIIEEEEEEENDDDDDDDD!!!!!!” and cater’s all flustered and swatting at him like ace!!! no!!!! 😤😤

riddle n trey are just ?????? confused

cater’s just like “we just ran into an old friend of mine who goes to RSA now, and he asked me to be his date to the mixer, that’s all!!!!”

juice is just like “👀diamond senpai is this the Prince Charming™ you were talking about 👀” and caters like “🤔 i was totes kidding before but this totally does feel like something ROMANTIC out of a fairytale doesn’t it? haha how fun~”

POTENTIAL AU ALTERNATE BRANCH: for some maybe light angst, a potential trey route, trey’s either quietly listening like oh.... 💔💔💔 bc secretly HE had wanted to ask cater to be his date to the mixer. OR maybe he’s feeling some sadness but isnt sure why, talks to riddle alone later about it and is all “idk what it is with me, i guess i just assumed cater would be with us at the event like the three of us usually are, but i guess... he will be busy if he has a date....” and riddle has NO romance experience in his LIFE so hes just like “hmm yes i suppose it will be different to be at an event without cater constantly at our sides, but i am sure he will still hunt us down for his ‘memories’ to take pictures of, like always 😌“ and they just kinda laugh it off for the time being. but then cater’s texting this boy more and trey’s getting increasingly more restless and coming to terms w/the fact that hes PINING after his BESTIE!!! it’s ok in this branch they would be endgame sorry char

i also had a side note of other alternative branches for vil and malleus being the endgame, like aduece gossip about cater to the first year group and somehow it makes it back to them via epel or sebek. tho vil doesnt get the full story at first and just hears some pretty rsa guy asked cater out to the mixer and hes like “was it neige 😠😒” but anyway this aint about these guys those are just. some of many caterella alts. not even all the alts are char related LOL anyway

so that’s as far as I had for that specific concept before Dañarte spawned. heres another doodle of them

ok onto evil cousin guy!!

Dañarte starts as an RSA guy but eventually will change to NRC, mirroring how hans was like ‘ooo im a nice charming prince u can trust me’ and then went all jk im a villain bye

cousin to char, second year, they more or less maybe grew up together but Dañarte never met cater or if he did it wasnt often so they wouldnt remember or know each other

Dañarte and cater meet either at the aforementioned mixer or just at RSA if cater’s over there hanging out with Char and catching up

Dañarte is all charming and sparkly like most RSA students so he and Cater hit it off real fast 😉✨ and Char’s like, oh, uhhh, ok 😅??

cater either doesnt know Char’s interested in him again or he’s just not sure what to make of it, Dañarte does know Char’s into Cater and deliberately steals him away bc he resents his cousin. petty teenager drama lol

so ya potential route, Dañarte ends up dating cater for a while. but then [VAGUE SITUATIONS] occur and they have relationship problems and break up, leaving caycay HEARTBROKEN

WHICH!! could lead to more au branching LOL for who potentially is the one to try and heal caycay’s heart, mainly either Char, Trey, or.... SURPRISE, IDIA!!! (also i guess i mentioned vil and malleus earlier lol, all these au ideas came over the course of many months so i tended to forget details 😌)

i hear you going “what? huh?? when did idia get here!???!?!?!” shh. shhh. this post required me, forced my hand even, to ramble about all my aus/unposted fanfiction lol. i do have some mini fanfiction about the idia route that never left discord bc it’s so au specific hehehe but anyway, idia right?

ok taking a break from bullets while we detour here. so back when i was looking for names for char, i found another name meaning charming: eppa! it was cute 😌 this part spawned from more discord glitching and my friend’s idea from there- that eppa is just a fake name that IDIA is using to talk to cater on magicam or whatever bc he’s shy and hiding behind a fake prince charming [prince eppa of rsa!!] persona. this could just be a branch on its own w/o those dudes up there^ OR as I mentioned, he could be an alternative person for caycay to end up with after getting his heart broken. I wrote a little bit of unpublished fic and have a few doodles that follow this storyline lol, but we’ll get back to that later maybe.

ok but basically things could end there OR another bonus for MORE soap opera drama: for whatever reason that i never came up with, Dañarte gets KICKED OUT OF RSA!!!! or just transfers for some reason idk.

i debated on having him in scarabia or pomefiore, but ultimately went with scarabia, and here’s why I said he’d probably be a second year lol

because now he’s with kalim and jamil!!! at first kalim’s like “oh!!! a new friend nice to meet you!!!” but then quickly discovers at pop music club that this is in fact the same Dañarte that cater dated and broke his heart!!! oh no!!!

and cater’s like oh god!! my ex goes to school here now!! FUCK!!

but never fear. he claims he’s turned over a new leaf. that he will be civil. he just wants to start over and be a good boy 😌

cater is hesitant, but doesn’t wanna make a fuss. kalim wants to believe in the good in everyone and wants to give him a chance. and JAMIL who is ALSO HERE bc scarabia, does NOT trust this guy and does NOT want to leave him around kalim alone so he’s making an effort to be around the two of them a lot

basically jamil and Dañarte kinda suss each other out pretty fast as being people who hide their true intentions well under a facade of being polite and agreeable. idk if he’d show up pre or post overblot tho

so he spends a loooot of time with kalim and by extension jamil. and he’s also hovering around cater a lot

circling back to the idia thing lol, in some of the little fics i wrote for this au, i had written from i think idia’s pov and it was snippets that were basically:

idia likes cater, azul likes jamil [lol surprise they showed up in this eventually] and theyre board game buddies that kinda poke at each other about it. idia’s talking to cater behind the prince eppa account, and azul’s the only one that knows the secret. idia and cater bond via the account, idia learns more about cater’s melancholic side, they get really close, convince each other to go to class more in solidarity, cater sometimes vents to ‘eppa’ about the problems he’s having with his BOYFRIEND Dañarte... but idia is there to support caycay bc he’s SPECIAL <3 anyway then cater and Dañarte break up, idia and azul bully each other about how they’re afraid of making a move, blah blah blah. eventually cater’s gossiping to idia in class about how azul asked jamil on a date [i made a specific ref to my fic that i DID publish, Fake It Til We Make It 😌 but that’s not importantdsjlfd], the topic of valentine’s day comes up, cater mentions boohoo caycay is single on valentines day again... and idia has worked up the courage to invite cater to ignihyde’s movie night! hooray bonding irl and not behind the eppa mask!!! ohh but then. fast forward a little? cater’s talking to idia, hes like wow u and i have gotten closer lately, can i talk to u about something personal? u see... my ex asked me out. and i said id think about it 😔 cue heartbreak for idia again!! idia goes to board game club SAD. azul is also there and is like “oh sulking solidarity? i gotchu bro. jamil dumped me :’)” and idia’s like uhhhh fuck azul looks like he’s trying not to cry... wanna play VR games so we can escape reality... and they do 😌

^that’s where the written part ended. i have a doodle somewhere of like. even more soap opera drama. like i think Dañarte had asked cater out and cater was gonna give him a chance, but then ohhh noo guess what? cater’s telling pop music club.... and he’s like “ya Dañarte asked me out again-” and kalim FREEZES. hes like WAIT WHAT. WHAT. OH NO. bc uhhh turns out!!! Dañarte also just asked jamil out. WHAT THE!!! and the only reason jamil said YES(OH NO!!!) was bc he was sulking about his break up with azul 😔 a situation of jamil and azul fighting, breaking up, but still really really missing each other wahhhh making bad choicesssss

i dont think i ever went past there LOL but in my head and heart, that specific branch would have to be a happy ending for idia/cater and jamil/azul, Dañarte is simply there to cause problems on purpose

i also had a side reason, like a bonus for Dañarte’s motives (he’s not that deep a character lol this is mostly just goofs and giggles here) hes basically like “grr i resent my cousin so im going to do everything i can to sabotage his happiness. just because i guess. also maybe i should just become famous on the internet MYSELF since i cant be a cool royal, ill just use my title and charisma, and ill steal the fans of popular people like neige and vil - ooh looks like my dumb cousin’s crush is a fan of them both, excellent. hmm so is this rook person what- oh god no he’s weird and scary i’ll stick to terrorizing cater. anyway-” but i kinda didn’t stick with the magicam thing lol. just like a potential extra bit.

wait i found a snippet ^ from discord im just gonna copy/paste bc im getting lazy

‘ I have a scene in my head of pop music club going to do a small performance sometime after dañarte transferred to scarabia , and Kalim is torn bc on one hand he’s the housewarden and must make everyone feel welcome! But I’m the other hand that’s caters mean ex but on the other hand again he seems so nice and apologetic what do I do!! So Kalim ends up coming up to cater right before their performance and is like “ummmmm don’t be mad but I kind of invited dañarte ” and caters like KALIM WHY and kalims like IM SORRY HE SEEMED SO SAD AND REALLY WANTED TO SEE YOU PLAY They’re loudly stressing out off in the corner, meanwhile dañarte is wandering around the audience with Jamil like fellow scarabia buddy I hope u don’t mind if I hang around u Jamils like whatever but we have to sit… waaaaay over here, bc he saw tako and idia and he’s still in his awkward confusing feelings heartbreak stage with azul, And azul+ idia are at the show together just In Distresss'

okokok uhhhhh i think ive done enough talking wanna see more doodles and erratic notes

char and caycay reunited!!! char didnt actually end up getting much spotlight LOL he doesn’t have a lot of personality aside from Sweet Gentle Puppy. sorry bestie you got sidelined for drama jklfdskfl

#notatako is a side joke w/my friend ignore that kldfjdls but. caycay seeing pretty man Dañarte but hasnt met him yet

Dañarte jumpscare, looming over char’s phone when char’s just met back up with cater and has been Texting Him A Lot but hasnt invited him over yet

the boys being exes or something, and me trying to figure out what dorm he’d be in

doodle from when i brielfy forgot Dañarte was supposed to start at RSA lol, here’s him and jamil if they’d met as first years before jamil’s intentions were revealed with his overblot

Dañarte grumbling evilly to himself at RSA and getting chenya jumpscared -> caycay and the boys!!!

this is what it looked like when i tried to timeline plot some story ages ago LOL, ft silly little lad faces, an illustrated journey

[idk if u can read that maybe if u full view the image lol] basically this is the scene of jamil and azul having newly broken up and being all sad about it, Dañarte is all “hehehe give me a chance jamil we could be so great together” and jamil, who normally just ignores Dañarte and doesn’t fall for his FALSE CHARM, is at a WEAKER LOW POINT bc he REALLY MISSES AZUL but he doesnt wanna ADMIT that he misses azul, and now Dañarte just sounded Just Like Azul, and he’s just asked jamil out, and azul is Right There Looking At Jamil bc he was walking by and heard Dañarte ask him out... jamil’s like 😔fine sure whatever 😔 and azuls like ..... 💔💔💔

SAD! anyway, jsdlfjkds. sorry caycay jamil and azul got shoved into ur soap opera. it’s fine. jamil/azul would make up with each other eventually somehow. cater would find Real Love elsewhere. IT’S FINE!! no perma angst in my house ALLOWED!!! but it’s fun to play with. temporarily.

i thought i had a doodle somewhere of kalim going 0_0 when jamil told kalim that Dañarte asked him out, right after cater just told kalim the same [or vice versa idr] but i CANT FIND IT!!! it’s not important tho it’s literally Just That lol. i think. 🤔

anyway. dear lord. i doubt anyone is going to read all of this LOL, maybe skimming or skipping around if im lucky 🧡 those are my like, ‘canon compliant’ twst ocs i guess. something like that. the only other twst related ocs i have [FOR NOW] are fankids my friend and i made of ships for funsies flkdsjfl okay. thank u for reading. if anyone did LOL if i were you i’d just look at the pictures and live with being confused 🧡

OK THANKS BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM LOL #twst oc #cereal tries to draw #ocs #i guess uhh #twisted wonderland #for my own categorizing #but im not tagging the characters too much spam fkldsjfl #also SORRY SORRY i think the skintones look muddy again #i have a bad problem of like #EITHER them looking TOO saturated OR too gray #i cant find that sweet spot!!!#but also it looks fine on my second screen so. idk anymore damn!!!#colors are hard this is why i usually skip to grayscale or nothing lol #ok anyway bye again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#this took forever damn lol!!!!!!!!!!!#oc: char #oc: Dañarte

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scarletwitching · 1 year

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If you could rewrite several things about Wanda, what would they be?

I think I have rather basic preferences in terms of which comics are Bad and Should Not Have Happened. Certain things are obviously offensive and published during times when Marvel editors were letting writers do whatever, and that sucks. John Byrne? Sucks. Do not like him. I'm not the first to point out that continuity, for all its joys, negatively impacts female and minority characters in disproportionate ways. Beyond the big, obvious answers though, I don't especially want to erase much. It's all part of the tapestry, and the pick-and-choose nature of the canon means I don't have to care about most of it anyway.

My unique-to-me answer is that Marvel has done some reprints of old Avengers comics where they recolored Wanda's hair from black to red, and that should be stricken from the record. Stop this redhead propaganda! Give her her black hair back!

I realize that's not a rewrite, strictly speaking, but...

Maybe a more satisfying way to look at your question is, if I could start over from the beginning, what would I do? Tom Brevoort said in a recent newsletter that writers frequently pitch a do-over/restart of the Ultimate Universe (see also), so if I were to pitch a fresh reboot of the Marvel Universe, what would my pitch for Wanda be?

There is not much from the original Ultimate Universe that I consider worth keeping. This, maybe, if only for laughs. I don't love the probability powers, mostly because they don't make sense and not in a fun magic way, but I am amused that they accidentally make her a math savant. I wouldn't care about keeping that aspect one way or the other. She can be a math genius. She can not be a math genius. I do not care. There's nothing else worth even mentioning in Ults (and I'm not getting into rewrites for The Movies, even though any actual comics reboot would naturally be influenced by them, because we don't have time to get into All That), so that leaves us with the main universe to pull from.

First rewrite: The Brotherhood of Mutants are not evil. They're not villains.* They've just separated themselves from human society. I am so tired of "the villain has good ideas, but they've got to kill a puppy to prove that you shouldn't question the status quo TOO much." They can be a foil to the X-Men. They can be allies with ideological differences (maybe leading to the formation of Krakoa or some other island nation at a later date). But no more of that same fucking villain plot. It's tired. Do something different.

If you're introducing a new version of Wanda, she should start out as a teenager by default, and personality-wise, I think 70's Englehart is the way to go. Strong personality. Not a wallflower. Kind of bossy, not the biggest fan of humans. She can change over time, but that's a good starting place. Be creative with her powers, however you define them. No omnipotence shit. Let the inventiveness take the spotlight.

That's a good foundation to go off of and potentially launch into stories about the Avengers and whatnot. I'm not so worried about the precise backstory details (I wouldn't get rid of Django, but the specifics are not too much of a concern). I guess my overall rewrite is digging into the mutant separatist thing from a more modern angle, emphasizing creativity over raw power, and giving her the Englehartian personality from the start, along with the easy stuff like more respectful portrayal of her background and not doing the truly awful mental illness/trauma portrayals. There's a million other little details to get into from there, but this answer is already long.

*If I have another pointless rewrite to add to the main universe, it's that they have to stop saying she started out as a villain. No, she did not. Abused children are not supervillains. Stop saying this nonsense.

#anonymous #answered

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rayshippouuchiha · 1 year

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I've finally hit the point where I have to write the first fic for a fandom. I'm crying. There's nothing on Ao3 and I didn't bother checking FFN since I don't know how they tag CNs. Heroic Death System is so good, though. Maybe that's the problem. Its so good that no one ever wanted to add on. Or CNs just aren't popular. T-T All I wanted to do was read about Shang Ke BSing a reason for the change in behavior. But there's nothing at all. So now I'm going to have to write all the fics for it. I'll start with Arc 2 Redux since that Arc eats at me the most.

BTW, Heroic Death System is a Quick Transmigration story where Shang Ke has to have a Heroic Death as ordered by the System to fix the plotline that went badly thanks to the OG body. (Quick Transmigration refers to the Host being tasked with a mission and once its completed, taken to another world to continue on. Sometimes its to fix the plotholes, sometimes to "keep the plot on track". Usually in the case of the later, the Host accidentally gets the MC or target character to fall in love which derails the plot entirely. Whether or not there's penalties or workarounds depends on the System. Most of the QT novels I've read, in the case of romance, have the partner reincarnating across the worlds as well, so its still one partner. Usually it means there are Past Life Shenanigans in the background.) SK has a great internal thought process, its always funny. In the earlier Arcs he's a bit oblivious but he catches on partway through Arc 2. Also, it's a bit spicy in the later Arcs. SK ends up eagerly welcoming his lover's advances in the later lives even if he has to hold off for a while to stay in character. Each Arc is a great mini-story in its own right, if you like tragedy, with all but 2 Arcs having a repeat where SK can return and live a happy life with his partner. If SK gets a good score on his life, he can earn Rebirth cards that let him live with his lover's different incarnations. Also, there's Past Life Drama that comes up and makes it so there's suddenly Plot! in the later Arcs. It was pretty interesting. Good Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Time Travel (in some characters PoV), MPreg (in some lives), some Torture not explicitly described, Illnesses/Disabilities, Shapeshifters, Beastpeople, Sentinel&Guide, Fantasy, Cultivation, AlphaxAlpha, God AU and Ghost AU are the main things SK lives through. Also, his partner is very ... forceful isn't quite right. He loses SK every life in traumatic circumstances so his subconscious wants him to make the most of every moment, which leads to quick romance and ... OK, honestly, he's kinda yandere in some lives from past life trauma. He's very much the domineering CEO type in this, blended with yandere moments. SK is ok with this since he can get back together with his partner quickly in the new life and because his partner chills out in his redos since he stays with him. I'm trying not to give out spoilers for anyone who wants to read this later. Each Arc, not counting his redos, are about 10 or so chapters each, so they're good for bitesized reading. There's 275 chapters altogether, fully translated on snowycodex . com.

Anyways, I love the redo lives and I just keep imagining how SK explains his differences/BSing a reason for the change from OG body's actions. My Heart Beats For You (CW: brain tumors, heart diseases, car accident, kinda suicidal behavior(which occurs throughout the novel, i.e. the title)) has me in a death grip that randomly visits me a lot so I have high hopes I can write something good for it. I'm planning on having SK be "drunk" and whitewash his past to his lover and his friends. I have so much of the story he'd tell plotted out by now but I'm just going to have to figure out how to space it out and add in interruptions from the other characters.

(*/▽＼*) I want to share it with you if I can finish it. I'm a huge fan. I'd love to see what you think.

Fuck yes babe this sounds fantastic. Link me when you get it done and I'll check it out!

#RayRambles #love when y'all get passionate about stuff like this

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stupidphototricks · 2 months

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I'm jealous of kids today being able to grow up with the amazing YA books being written now ("now" for me being within the past 15 years or so), but I still read them even though I'm not Young. Here are a few of my favorite YA authors and books, in no particular order:

Patrick Ness, The Rest of Us Just Live Here TW: mental illness, suicidal thoughts I adore that there's a whole epic fantasy battle thing that we see pieces of in the foreground, but the book focuses on the characters in the background who are dealing with their own stuff.

Alice Oseman, Radio Silence and Solitaire TW: suicidal thoughts, emotionally abusive parent (RS), self-harm (S), eating disorder (S) You might recognize Alice Oseman as the author of the Heartstopper comic and TV series. They wrote novels too! Really good ones, although that's not surprising. Solitaire's protagonist is Charlie's sister Tori, and its events take place a year or so after the start of Heartstopper (possible spoilers for season 3, who knows?). Radio Silence is set in the same town I think another year later, and Aled (who was in the comics, but was renamed and somewhat reimagined as Isaac in TV Heartstopper) is a main character though not the protagonist. Nick, Charlie, and Tori make very brief cameos.

David Levithan and John Green, Will Grayson, Will Grayson TW: I can't think of any major triggers in this book, I apologize if I missed something. Obviously both of these authors have independently written other excellent books, but this one is my favorite, mostly because I love Tiny Cooper and his musical so much. This is the lightest (i.e. not dark, and not heavy) by far of the books here. It's mostly really fun but occasionally serious.

Jandy Nelson, I'll Give You the Sun TW: bullying, homophobia, suicidal thoughts, death I read a review of this book that basically said enough with the artsy language and metaphors, so maybe it isn't for everybody, but I found it brilliant. It encapsulates a thought or an idea or a feeling in a way you'd never expect, but that you relate to immediately. Also I think that having the POV switch between twins, but two years apart (one twin at 14, the other twin at 16) with a major life-altering event in between, is an amazing way to tell this story.

Rainbow Rowell, Eleanor and Park and Carry On TW: bullying (E&P), abusive family situation (E&P), vampires (CO) Eleanor and Park is set in the 80s with all of the requisite 80s accessories, and characters that will make your heart break in different ways. Carry On is a sort of Drarry fanfic spoof (and supposedly written by a character in a different Rainbow Rowell novel!). But the characters are so well-developed and engaging that you stop seeing them as caricatures and start caring about them in their own right.

Jesse Andrews, Me and Earl and the Dying Girl and The Haters TW: vulgar talk (really just teenage boys trying to be gross), dysfunctional family situation (M&E&DG), death (M&E&DG) I can't overstate how much I love the writing style of these books. Always entertaining and often hilarious, it jumps from normal prose to an outline, to a film script, to a bulleted list, and always turns out to be the perfect way to show whatever is going on.

What's most important to me: In all of these books, the young adult characters are real people who are complicated, and surprising, and funny, and passionate. They may have serious problems but they can have fun and be silly. They screw up but they try to fix things. They love and support their friends, and their friends love and support them. Often there are parents who are also real people doing their best; I appreciate that in a YA book! For the most part these books don't have magically happy endings, but they do end in a good place, with hope.

#ya books #alice oseman #rainbow rowell #patrick ness #jesse andrews #jandy nelson #david levithan #john green

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twinaurora · 5 months

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1:56 AM

(I started writing this at the above time, this is future me at 3:30 putting a break so that it does not flood your timeline :3)

Damn, I am a creative person lol I like to write! I like to fucking sing and shit! And sometimes i do lil doodles and shit You don't have to do something crazy to call yourself creative :3 Just make something! Sometimes I think my shit is shitty But sometimes you gotta take a step back and just look at what you did And its like "Wow, I made that" It's crazy :) OH FUCK MUSIC TOO!! Man I love music, I love listening to shit, its fun Oooh, I should start tagging stuff lol, like what if someone else want to reblog something [looks off in distance, sitting at the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean glimmer, sunset setting the sky a beautiful orange hue, reflected too upon the sea] Lol what if Mallek wants to fucking rant about dumb shit on my blog :O Whoa, what would Mercer look at (⊙_⊙)？ Or maybe a fucking sideblog, i've talked about that before ( *︾▽︾) Oughhh, im listening to Swank (off of brb) and there was this really soft synth in the background, that was really nice (I checked, it starts at 1:33) The Lavender Promenade? The Violet Fugue? I'll think of some more later, but i like the second one so far Ahh~, piroulines, the greatest snack ever made.... Man, sometimes it's hard to say stuff. I'll see people talking, but their in the middle of an already going convo, and its like, " Damn, maybe ill just wait a sec" and then u never do. Sometimes you respond to it verbally, but just don't message. Sometimes I just can't get the right expression through text (They might as well be dead (ROR2)) Im gonna put the music i'm listening as i write this down Aww man, we're all just a bunch of goobers ain't we. Some goofy fuckin goobers..... I'll look at Mallek, and sometimes I think that's the guy i couldn't be and then I'll look at Chixie, and that's the girl i don't know if i can be and the other two are something different (The King of Onsen (Rivals of Aether)) It's like, they both deal with people, in their own ways obviously (Take my breath (The Weeknd)) Marvus is very showy, as is for him, but damn can he talk to someone, and y'know, sometimes i can too. But he's good at it, and he's good at helping people And Mercer isn't! haha lol He's more worried about us, so obviously, more reserved But he could do the same i believe. Rougher maybe, more annoyed, but will get us away. I guess think of it like a bomb, Marvus would de-arm it, like talking down someone, while Mercer would run, cuz it doesn't know how to fucking defuse a bomb Oh man, funny analogy time I guess it's like... me mal and chix are like the lil sibling playing a game right, and ur on a hard level So you get ur big sib, in this case Mar and Mer, to help you beat the stage :) (I took another hit of cart, its 2:39 at this part of my writing)

#Aurora Rambles

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spearohero · 7 months

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what are some of your favorite stories! yours, other people's, small, big, etc! that's probably a big thing to think about so if you want something specific ummm recommend me a writer or three!

man!!! okay excellent question. i think ill still do three but ill talk about different things with each one; bear in mind that this is like, off the top of my head, so its not Definitive (ill try to sneak em in as honorable mentions but even stuff with a huge impact on me is gonna be harder to think of/talk about if it was like ten years ago, yknow?)

oh, and if you want to read my stories, you can see those here =3c

Kill Six Billion Demons

this one probably has to be The Bar for quality in my mind, at least at the moment.

82 White Chain Born In Emptiness Returns To Subdue Evil (yes, full name) has maybe one of the most compelling character arcs i've ever read;

the art is stunning, and the worldbuilding incredibly thorough (in a way that makes the history of the world feel dynamic and relevant, rather than just being tons of lore to sift through);

the fights whip ass and the logic of the cool shit that the characters do is directly tied to the underlying view the story has about Power™, which directly influenced my thought process for a lot of the plot details of "Dawnsister";

and, sort of related to the two previous points, the entire thing is just so fucking coherent, thematically speaking. all the side stories and bits of hover text, all the bits of commentary and passages from fictional manuscripts in the image descriptions, weave together and do some really good allegorical storytelling for the messages Abaddon wants to send (and to underline/counterpoint whats happening in the comic itself), and the details tend to come back later to be relevant in a big way

its just. high marks on literally every metric i can think of. this is the kind of "every line (both kinds) is crammed with intent and nothing is wasted" stuff i wanna do with my writing

(honorable mention for this category: Everything Everywhere All At Once, for sheer quality of writing and similar levels of "god they planned this from the fucking start". one of the only films to make me cry)

Homestuck (im not linking it we all know this one)

i have less to say about this, but i think its one of the stories that's had the biggest stylistic impact on my writing. i was kind of doing it even before reading homestuck but it SUPER cemented it: the 2nd-person voice and the fuckery where a character's thoughts, the narrator's description of a scene, and instructions from the audience/in-universe sources of Brain Interference all blend together is something i keep coming back to in both 3rd-person limited perspective AND 2nd-person (typically transformation-related) work

it also takes all the "using every possible avenue for Additional Storytelling" thing that i was describing about KSBD and ratchets it the fuck up. like this comic is repeatedly the benchmark for "what kind of weird, media-mixing, format-breaking shit can i do with comic panels and text rendering", even if i dont plan to dabble in webpage shenanigans like Hussie did

(i cant think of an honorable mention here, but i liked the way Tyranny presented lore and history to you in hyperlinks in the text, so that you could just HAVE background information your character would have instead of having to Do Exposition. also check out Vast Error if you liked the shit homestuck was doing with multimedia storytelling)

Ascension: Tales of Twin Tails

this one is just one of my favorites. out of this list its for sure been the most impactful on me personally, in like an identity sense at least. this shit transed my gender and othered my kin. its one of the only OTHER pieces of media to ever make me teary-eyed. its about being transgender extremely literally but also in some really creative And Also Extremely Dope ways

the fight scenes are about as grand in scope as the ones in KSBD, and the way that magic works in the setting is just about as thematically-strong (and also offer lots of room for insight about the characters, as well as self-reflection for the reader to have fun with).

the relationships are really, really well-done, and there are scenes that stick with me two years later as just strikingly and stunningly tender and intimate and vulnerable; the characters are just as strong (Coyotl is like, Top Three with White Chain, and if you know anything about me at all you know that Cat Kitten became my entire identity for months after reading it)

read it please read it i will evangelize this novel until the end of time

(honorable mention as far as having an effect on Me As A Person is probably like..... Night in the Woods; super super natural dialogue, lots of compelling relationship turmoil and hit some fears that were Extremely Relevant to me at the time of my life that i played it)

ty for asking btw!! i hope you get around to enjoying one of these =^w^=

#gear emoji #moofahdrome

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0poole · 6 months

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People being normal about my TADC fanart

Spoilers: This shit ain't normal ya'll need help

Let's start with the one obviously made to garner the bigger reaction

Like, the joke is pretty obvious, right? Everyone wants to either sex the rabbit or have someone else sex the rabbit, so since it's physically impossible for them to actually do it I wanted to make a joke about that.

Meanwhile, people on Instagram are treating this like it's straight up-porn.

Are you kidding me? If I actually drew straight-up porn of them, I could at least get the "fandom sucks" comments but mentally ill?

A YEAR? A fucking YEAR? Are these two people like eons old and only see a year as a tiny blip of time in their lives? Do they have any idea how long a year is? I could get it if they meant like a week or maybe even a month, but a year is actually just absurd. Do they really think it normally takes anything close to that long for people to realize they're attracted to a character, and make art of it? Most people can produce a piece of art in a few hours, maybe a day if they really put the effort into it.

Anyway here's a perfectly normal reply to the post. I want to believe this person made this photoshop specifically just to reply to my post, because I would love that even more.

Next up we actually have the opposite problem. Take a look at this one

The first TADC art I wanted to make, mostly because I had a really cool idea of putting Pomni in a 3D background, and later thought to actually animate it and make it spin. Obviously I wanted to stylize her a bit differently than in the official animation because I'm basically a sucker for poofy pants/sleeves/shoulderpads whatever, so I just made them bigger, as well as her jester hat cuz obviously.

And to be fair, many more people are normal about this one, but still:

Do they think they're just like, funny or something? While some people nowadays are like "all horny thoughts of fictional characters are sin" others are like "haha sexo funni" and I guess make that their personality. It's just as dumb and annoying. If you want to fuck a character, just fucking admit it. You look even stupider if you're like "haha I wanna fuck her but I don't want people to think I'm actually serious"

This kind of thing happened with a comment on Newgrounds of a sketch of NiGHTS I did a while back. What do they think she looks like under there? It sounds like they think I gave her stick legs but also the fattest ass on the planet, like she was some candied apple on a stick or something. Personally if it were even possible to remove her clothes, my headcanon would basically be that her body looks like Finn from Adventure Time

But yeah there are more passively dumb ones but these comments are specific enough to form thoughts out of. Obviously can't keep this up but hey, just let me dish out my feelings for my first bombardment of attention on the internet lol

Strangely enough, I don't actually want to have sexual relations with the clown. I got enough other characters to form horny thoughts of. Just lay off it, man.

#tadc #etc #ramble #rant

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galunacycheckyourheadtour · 1 year

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Letting the right one in Counselling - the good, the bad and the ugly

Counselling, has many different connotations. Media has depicted the visuals: you go into a well designed room recline on a sofa, whilst the good ol' head shrink smokes a pipe, sagely nodding at you whilst you carefully spill your life story and vasts sums of money. Juxtaposed with the image of the clinical doctors office where you are shown a rorschach image and inadvertently describe a fluffy bunny as something much more sinister, get thrown into an institution, stuffed full of brightly covered pills, get a jacket to hug yourself and a padded cell for one.

But what realistically happens is an inbetween of these two things, because as with everything and every profession there is good and there is bad. There is well meaning and good intentions but like a long term relationship, sometimes there are red flags that should not be avoided. My blog today is about my somewhat colourful journey with counselling, cheating the process and eventually finding the right one.

My experience with talking therapy started in the mid-90s, when I was a teenager. Damn, I feel old. To give a bit of background, I had my first (now I can clearly recognise) mental health episode when I was 15. One day I went to bed, and I couldn't get up, I did not have any energy, my brain didn't seem to work and I just felt ill. This continued for 3 months, all in the lead up to GCSE's, with constant visits to the doctors, blood tests. They suggested M.E., glandular fever, but one locum had a quiet word with my mum stating that he thought I had depression. My mum was astounded and I don't think told me for a couple of years, and it was pushed to one side.. You have to remember that at this point depression was never thought about/ discussed/ diagnosed in reference to children/ teenagers or even really adults for that matter. I slowly started to get better but these episodes would return again and again until by my early twenties I was diagnosed with clinical depression and sent for therapy.

I remember feeling terrified, as I had visions of emptying my head and ending up in an institution, I had seen Return to Oz! I already felt so different to everyone else, no one around me had been referred for therapy, maybe that is where I needed to be? My dad at this time, also pulled me to one side one day and told me that I needed to buck up my ideas, and pull myself together there was no such thing as depression, I was making it all up, attention seeking and I was disappointing him'. He used more colourful language than that. It absolutely destroyed me and I genuinely thought I was I was putting it all on - the grandest lie of all. But I didn't want to live this lie, so why was I doing it?

That is when I met Jerry. Jerry the counsellor had a small room at the GP surgery that smelt of stale sweat. He was in his mid-50s, and had teeth that moved and bled when he talked. Within the first minute I knew I had nothing in common with this man. But, I also had no previous experience of counselling, so nothing to compare it to - I was in it for the long haul. He talked about my past, about my illness but was obsessed with my dad and that is where we stayed. He had me writing letters to my dad, angry letters about how he made me feel, he wanted me to get the strength to give one of these letters to my dad. Role playing scenarios, that made me cringe with embarrassment - it felt like GCSE drama class rather than a grown up conversation. Plus my dad did not look like a character from a horror film. I got more and more angry with my dad, and actually probably more truthfully at Jerry. 12 weeks later, I walked away - thanking Jerry and him probably thinking he had solved everything but really I was feeling more lost than ever…plus furious at everything.

And so it went on, there were more Jerrys, when I allowed it. Some had better techniques, but all shared the same fascination with my father. Now, I don't have to tell you my dad was a complicated man. I have some stories to tell and boy did I tell them.

I realised that I started to really push those stories, as the counsellors lapped them up - they would write furiously in their notepads, shaking their heads and nodding sympathetically. This stuff was therapy gold! Was I trying to entertain the therapists? I have no idea - but I was cheating the system. But I knew, I just wasn't sure about any of this, it wasn't helping me. It was just making me angry, resentful of my decisions, resentful of my childhood and far too backwards focussed. I was not moving forwards in a positive motion. I would leave each one of these experiences disappointed mostly at myself, for sticking at it hoping that something would be different. 3 years ago I decided I needed to take matters into my own hands and search actively for a private therapist. I was much more self aware at this point and knew exactly what I wanted and what my intentions were. I researched, really trying to get a feel for each person before booking. I stumbled across my therapist and I met with her. This was different, we sat and talked like adults - it felt natural and not forced, the silences were good contemplative silences, I never felt undermined, or like a good case study for the journals, it just felt right. She challenged my thinking, my habits and I loved that. She taught me the phrase to be curious about something, so when I am angry/ or thinking bad thoughts, i do that - I am like an undercover detective for my own mind. Now, of course my dad came up but we worked through that with what I felt was positivity. I had already closed off so much anger for him when he sadly passed away 10 years ago. This was about me, the way I dealt with things, the choices I made, my lack of confidence in myself. Through all the highs and lows we have worked together through it all, and it is the best money I spend. It is the only place I am truly honest and open, I don't censor or lie - I just am. She is my person and I am very grateful to have her. So I want to share 10 things that I have learnt: 1. There is no harm in trusting your instincts, if you don't think a therapist is for you - Walk away. Both NHS and private therapists understand this might happen and respect your decision. This is one of your most important relationships, it has to work for you and also for them, but you are investing the time - don't compromise 2. There are lots of different types of therapies now compared to what I initially received, so definitely look into what is available and what appeals to you and your situation. The MIND website has some terrific resources for some options. 3. Never lie. Never cheat the process like I did. If you are doing this - what is the point? That person is not your person, walk away. 4. Don't have any expectations. Remove what you have seen from the television, read in books. These therapists are here to listen to you. To dedicate time to your story. They don't have a bias. Their only confidentially rule break would be if they were concerned you were going to hurt yourself or someone else. 5. If you have concerns about first appointment, jot a couple of things down in advance - what do you want to get out of that experience? Has something triggered you? Do you have any questions about counselling? Take the notebook, it will give you some kind of back-up should you feel like you are shy or not sure what to say. 6. My personal choice is for a private counsellor and at the time, I was lucky enough to be able to afford it and it was my personal choice. I struggle a little more now, but I also know that it is an investment into me moving forward, so I do anything to ensure I have that money, even if it means selling some dresses or shoes. I have built that relationship with my counsellor and it was a lot, and I am still on the journey. The NHS has some incredible free services and I have friends who have gone through the process of CBT and have had life changing experiences, so don't be afraid to self-refer or ask your GP for more help.

7. Give yourself time and space around appointments. Give yourself at least 15 minutes of quiet head space before you go in - don't rush around or you will find it takes longer to settle into the process. The same goes for after the appointment. I always allow an hour if I can to process, take a walk along the beach, just let it digest.

Sometimes, you just don't want to be around people and that is fair enough. Some sessions can be massive and you feel like you have run a marathon, some you don't feel like you have made any progress at all. Don't judge!! those smaller sessions are often the ones you don't realise that you have moved mountains in.

8. Keep your process to yourself if you can. I am not saying don't talk about it if you want to but honestly, I found it better not to. It was my personal thing and if anyone always asked I would say fine. The problem with sharing with other people, especially when you are in the middle of some big stuff - it could skew the way you are thinking, or they could say 'oh well with my counsellor we did this' or many things. So I try to keep this part of myself closed off. 9. Similarly to above, don't let the haters get you down - some people just don't understand counselling, and that is for them - they are entitled to their opinions. They might have had bad experiences themselves. Funnily enough, my dad saying counselling was useless all those years ago stuck with me, hilariously he watched the Soprano's and guess who went to see a therapist, and found it to be beneficial....there we go!!! 10. For those of you, that think you know people, who should go to counselling. Be warned, each person has to find their own way, you cannot make them, and they will resent you for suggesting it. Think about it - do you want to be told you should go to therapy??. It is a hiding to nothing, and you might find that you are no longer one of the people they confide in a result. As the saying goes you can lead the horse to water.... I hope this was useful....

#mental health #mental heath support #mentalhealth #life story #counselling #pmdd #depression #mental health awareness #anxiety

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aibari · 1 year

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fic poetics: open up your door

for the bind of open up your door, I ended up making a little reference list with things I didn’t have the time or space to write into the author’s notes. I love liner notes! since the bind is only a physical copy, I wanted to put these up online somewhere.

references (alphabetical)

adrian. I think I gave Adrian the teenager the name because it starts with an A and I tend to start at the top of the alphabet and then not get farther when naming characters. I only remembered Adrian Mellon afterwards.

Teen Adrian is a trans guy – this was originally going to be more present in the story itself, but in the end I didn’t have enough words to really do it justice, so it’s just kind of a background thing about Adrian. I’m not sure if Richie realizes or not, beyond clocking him as lgbt in some way. In the future, they definitely have some sort of Conversation about it (and being queer in Derry). And then uhhh probably Richie and Eddie semi-adopt him, and any other queer kid in Derry they can find.

Anyway, I forgot about Adrian Mellon, and then suddenly I had a character who was not just a trans kid in Derry, a small town that has soaked in hate and small-mindedness since before its inception (up until ten years ago!), but also a kid who picked out his own name and he chose a name he shares with Adrian Mellon, a gay man who was killed a decade ago in the town where teen Adrian lives. And uh! That’s a lot! That is very very much of a something!

Initially, I thought about changing it.

But Derry (like a lot of places) is a town where, even ten years down the line, things aren’t always easy for queer kids. And somehow accidentally giving this kid the name Adrian became instrumental to his characterization for me – he’s taking this and making it his own, and fuck anyone who has a problem with it. (And if it’s sometimes harder to keep up that front than other times, well. He’s got some people to lean on. With Richie and Eddie, maybe soon he’ll have more.)

brave as a noun. This is a title of an AJJ song – and like much of their work, the lyrics are violent and visceral. Their work generally circles around themes of mental illness, poverty, politics, and THE BODY OF IT ALL. Something about Brave as a Noun (like their later Body Terror Song) just reads very Eddie Kaspbrak to me:

I could go off the deep end I could kill all my best friends I could follow those stylish trends And God knows I could make amends But I've got an angry heart Filled with cancers and poppy tarts If this is how you folks make art it's fucking depressing And it's sad to know that we are not alone And it's sad to know that there's no honest way out I'm afraid to leave the house I'm as timid as a mouse I'm afraid if I go out I'll outwear my welcome I'm not a courageous man I don't have any big lasting plans I'm too cowardly to take a stand I want to keep my nose clean And it's sad to know that we're not alone in this And it's sad to know that there's no honest way out In this life we lead We could conquer everything If we could just get the brave to get out of bed in the morning

But also, that title is just too good to pass up.

beaker’s dozen. This fake movie title was one of several suggested to me by @stravaganza on the Losers Club Bang server. Is it an Ocean’s Eleven rehash where all the players are anthropomorphized elements of the periodic table? Is it a comedy about a scientist who accidentally clones themself? You decide!

Other title suggestions include: Mind the Gap, Deer Me!, The Way There, Beeswax, and Baker’s Dozen.

cups. This section title comes from a couple of different associations – Eddie is literally leaving cups around the place, but there’s also the Cups song (“you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone”). I was thinking a lot about the thing where you pour one out for the dead, too, but what actually happens here is a bit of an inversion of that – the dead pouring one in(to your cup). Anyway - what’s love if it isn’t making cups of something warm for someone you care about?

derry air. So Londonderry Air is a really famous Irish piece of music that (among other things) has given the melody to songs like Danny Boy.

That’s not air as in oxygen, by the way – it’s air as in “songlike vocal or instrumental composition”. Also spelled ayre, or aria if you’re speaking Italian. (An aria in English is typically a vocal composition of the kind you’re most likely to find in an opera – La donna è mobile is a kind of clichéd example.)

Anyway, (London)derry Air and Danny Boy! I thought sneaking in the reference would be funny for wordplay reasons, and Danny Boy is overwrought and overdone to the point where it is a little bit hard for me to take it seriously. As it turns out, though, the lyrics work well with this idea of the interlinking of death and place:

Oh, Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling From glen to glen, and down the mountain side. The summer's gone, and all the roses falling, It's you, it's you must go and I must bide.

But come ye back when summer's in the meadow, Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow, It's I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow, Oh, Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so!

But when ye come, and all the flowers are dying, If I am dead, as dead I well may be, You'll come and find the place where I am lying, And kneel and say an Ave there for me. And I shall hear, though soft you tread above me, And all my grave will warmer, sweeter be, For you will bend and tell me that you love me, And I shall sleep in peace until you come to me!

don’t you (forget about me). So I wrote two reverse bangs this year and both of them have the title of this song in them! It was released by Simple Minds in 1985 and plays over the iconic ending of The Breakfast Club, which was released the same year. I’m not personally huge on The Breakfast Club, but I DO think it makes a good combo with IT – these are 1980s misfits who come together and become friends despite the odds (of their social roles in TBC, and of Derry and Pennywise in IT). IT was published in 1986, so they’re originally products of the same time, too.

ghost. Depending on the story, a ghost can be a lot of different things. Grief given physical form, a memory walking; unfinished business; wrath and vengeance animating a walking curse; rot; love; love (rotting); a person held together by connections to their loved ones; time out of joint and in the wrong place.

Eddie’s path back to being is love and care and connection, obviously, but the occasional vagueness of being is also very much an accidental long covid/fatigue illness metaphor. I had long covid fatigue for what felt like forever in the spring of 2022, and it’s just a really ghostly existence – like you are periodically slipping in and out of time and space. I kept feeling like I didn’t all the way exist, and I (kind of unintentionally) put a lot of that into Eddie when I wrote this. Ultimately, I think it works.

good bones. “Good Bones” is a poem by Maggie Smith that has done a couple of rounds on tumblr at this point:

Life is short, though I keep this from my children.

Life is short, and I’ve shortened mine

in a thousand delicious, ill-advised ways,

a thousand deliciously ill-advised ways

I’ll keep from my children. The world is at least

fifty percent terrible, and that’s a conservative

estimate, though I keep this from my children.

For every bird there is a stone thrown at a bird.

For every loved child, a child broken, bagged,

sunk in a lake. Life is short and the world

is at least half terrible, and for every kind

stranger, there is one who would break you,

though I keep this from my children. I am trying

to sell them the world. Any decent realtor,

walking you through a real shithole, chirps on

about good bones: This place could be beautiful,

right? You could make this place beautiful.

From Waxwing, 2016

forget-me-not. Its scientific name, myosotis, comes from the Ancient Greek word for “mouse’s ear”. (This is the second time I have come across a scientific term that means “mouse” used for something that is definitely, absolutely not a mouse – the first is muscle, which comes from the Latin musculus, and means “little mouse”. Wild!) It’s a family! There are so many different types of forget-me-nots! For the sake of this story, though, it’s the emotional (and straightforward) theme of holding on to a loved one and not forgetting them that tied in too neatly with the idea of Richie being haunted by ghost Eddie for me not to make a big deal out of it. The vase of flowers in the picture really ended up unlocking the entire story for me a lot more than I had expected!

if you see something, say nothing (and drink to forget). A classic Welcome to Nightvale quote that is also, I think, a very in character sentiment for Richie.

inspirations, fanfic. This fic takes some inspiration from a Losers Club Big Bang fic from 2021, Nothing Dies in Derry (art by Cordlesshamilton, words by glorious_spoon), and the (as of now still unfinished) SMAU One Ring to Bind Us (@richiesring) – both stories about ghost Eddie (and Stan) trying to communicate with Richie (and Patty) through whatever means will work for them.

modern odyssey, the. Being gone for a very long time and coming back to the person you love (though Richie has less suitors in this one).

not exactly casper. He’s a bit too rude to be Casper, I think.

r+e. I just really wanted to get this in here somehow.

real/not real. So in Suzanne Collins’ The Hunger Games, this is a thing Katniss and Peeta do after Peeta’s (spoiler??) been thoroughly and relentlessly brainwashed, and struggles to keep hold of what’s real and what isn’t in the aftermath. This section title is a reference to that. For this fic, I guess what I want to pull in here is that there is something about a ghost that is also very malleable and ephemeral – a ghost is real and not real, in a sense, at the same time. Eddie’s occupying both positions at the same time, sometimes more on one side than the other.

section titles; capitalisation. I just love the idea of someone else’s point of view slowly breaking through, even if it doesn’t translate to the main parts of the text. The section titles in capital letters reflect Richie’s state of mind – often through referencing other things – and the ones that aren’t reflect Eddie’s. Well, mostly. I don’t think I’m a hundred percent consistent, but it’s fun to play around with.

there was a hole here. it’s gone now. A reference to a line that shows up in Silent Hill 2. The way it’s written out there is a bit more unsettling: “There was a HOLE here. It’s gone now.”

#stephen king's it #i write stuff #reddie

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