#i spent 4 hours writing this i think bc i kept getting distracted so if it's a mess im sorry

[eldritch-nightmare]

heyy!! can i request LJ and Candypop ( ,,if you write for him) sharing a fem!reader? (headcanons or something else) i don’t mind <33

a/n: I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT CANDY POP WAIT omg he's one of those creepypastas that i heard about but never really looked into so. first time writing him so i hope i did him justice for you! i wasn't sure if you wanted something more lighthearted or something darker so i did my best to keep it balanced.

LJ and Candy Pop sharing a fem!reader.

warnings: my knowledge of candy pop comes from the creepypasta files wiki page so just a heads up if i get something wrong, opted to make reader a creepypasta here but it's very vague, lj and candy pop are like frenemies in this i suppose, sorta hints that the reader might've been forced into this relationship, my hand slipped and i dropped a 'good girl' in here somewhere i couldn't help myself, possessive behavior from both of them, implied unhealthy relationship.

Man, what's it like having a 7ft tall imaginary monochrome clown that terrorizes children and a 7ft tall colorful Night Terrors possessed jester be in love with you? It's probably a strange experience.

They both argue over who caught feelings for you first. LJ swears up and down that he fell for you first, but Candy Pop claims it to be love at first sight. Honestly, you've just chosen to believe that they both fell for you around the same time.

The two of them were definitely hesitant to share you, though that was more on Candy Pop's side than it was LJ's. Listen, sharing a body/soul with the literal demon king makes you a bit possessive over things, okay?

You don't particularly mind either way, to be honest. They're both a bit... much to handle at times, but you guys make it work. Like... literally. You had to plan out an entire schedule and everything because they kept bickering about how much time the other spent with you.

LJ gets you on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays while Candy Pop gets you on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Sundays are days you spend alone because it's always good to have some time for yourself.

Of course, they don't... follow the schedule that often. Why would they? They aren't confined to the mortal chains of schedules.

They are both equally romantic in their own right, and you won't lie, you certainly have enjoyed a few of the spontaneous dates they've taken you on. Sometimes, they'll even get together long enough to plan out an outing for all three of you. They can get along, see?

Now, we can't forget that they are both murderous entities. One is an imaginary friend turned serial killer and the other is... something. A demon? A poor possessed soul of a jester? Whatever he is, he's deadly. Shall I provide some examples?

Example one: Laughing Jack was abandoned by the one person he was created to befriend, so trust me when I tell you that he has some deeply rooted abandonment issues. He's all fun and games until there's even the slightest possibility of you leaving him. Even if someone makes an offhand remark about how you should leave him, his entire persona does a complete 180.

Suddenly, his hold on you is just a bit more tighter than it normally is, and you can feel his nails digging into your skin, threatening to draw blood. It's a subtle, silent threat of what he could do to you if you ever tried leaving him.

Example two: Candy Pop, as a whole, is somebody you have to be wary around because his mood can flip like a switch. He'll be happily humming away about some random topic one moment, and the next he's pushing you up against a nearby wall and looking at you with such a crazed look that it's almost hard to believe that this is the same person who claims to be in love with you.

He's the type to remind you of where you belong. You belong by his and LJ's side, so don't you ever forget that, okay? You really don't want to see what'll happen if you do.

In the end, though LJ and Candy Pop have a habit of bickering with each other, they'll make one hell of a team if it means keeping you in their grasp. You don't fit with anyone but them, and you don't need to fit with anyone other than them. They're the perfect match for you, and you'll come to see that sooner or later. So, all you need to do is be a good girl and stay by their side, got it?

It's Sunday. Sundays are supposed to be your day. You had plans to hang out with the other girls, maybe even play dress up with Sally if she was up for it. So, why the hell were you currently stuck in bed, sandwiched between a clown and a jester?

You have no clue because you just woke up and they were already here. Sure, you could just… wiggle your way out of bed but then they would wake up. Do they even need to sleep? They aren't mortal like you are, so sleep doesn't seem like a necessity to them. But it's not like you can just stay in bed all day either. You had things you wanted to do!

So, with a very silent sigh, you slowly start to sit up, untangling yourself from the mass of limbs trapping you to your bed. You were able to sit up with relative ease, the hard part would be crawling over either LJ or Candy Pop to get out of bed. That would be… that would be difficult.

Even if you were to try and crawl over one of them, you weren't able to because before you could even decide which one to crawl over, you were being pushed back into laying down again by Candy Pop.

You let out a small 'oof' as soon as your back hit the mattress.

"Where do you think you're going?" You hear LJ ask, and with one quick glance at him, you can see a slight pout on his face. It was almost enough to make you forget about the feeling of his nails gently grazing your stomach.

If he just decided to dig them into your--

"She's not going anywhere." Candy's voice murmurs directly next to your ear, effectively cutting off your train of thought. You only belatedly realize that he had buried his face into your neck, his hair brushing against your face, "Right, angel?"

Well… it seems like you're not going to be getting rid of these two today, so whatever plans you had for the day were going to have to be put on hold until next Sunday. You just hoped the two of them didn't make a habit of this.

#anon #laughing jack x reader #candy pop x reader #laughing jack x you #candy pop x you #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta x you #creepypasta #literally slapped a photo of candy pop into pixlr and hyper zoomed on his eyes to look at the pixels to figure out the exact shade of them #and i didn't even mention his eyes in this so it was a pointless endeavor #i spent 4 hours writing this i think bc i kept getting distracted so if it's a mess im sorry

[katahnisharma]

gone (4) | t.h.

Summary: tom is back from shooting cherry, but he’s not okay.

Warnings: this started as my entry to the lovely b’s writing challenge @worldoftom, but you guys were so amazing and wanted a second part. this is a very emotional chapter and there are mentions of anxiety, depression, and overall intense emotions so please be careful loveys ♡

A/N: hey guys it’s been a while but life has been really really difficult so i'm sorry for the wait! i'm not entirely sure if anyone still cares about this series so here’s hoping :) for this chapter i listened to light of love by florence + the machine and all good things come to an end by the og queen nelly furtado lol. also Tumblr apparently won’t let me link certain things so if you’re looking for my masterlist or playlist it’s in my bio ♡

IF YOU’RE STILL INTERESTED IN BEING ON MY TAGLIST PLEASE FILL OUT THE NEW FORM IN MY BIO BC I WILL BE REVAMPING IT!

gif by @hllands

“Hey, did I leave my notebook in the living room?” You asked, letting your tea bag soak in the mug Tom always saved for you. It was an unspoken rule, that dark blue cup with the constellations on it from his mother was yours only. You mentioned how beautiful it was once, and Tom remembered.

It went on the list with the others.

“You mean the one with the polaroid on the cover? No, it’s not in here.” Tom called back, scrolling through Netflix to find a movie for the both of you. He’d just come back from the junket for Spies in Disguise, and he immediately called his best friend over to spend the day with him.

Well, it was supposed to be more than just another day.

Because today he was going to tell you he loved you.

“Hmm, maybe I left it in my bag upstairs. I’ll get it when I’m done with the tea.” You said, setting your mug down on the counter. It looked like it needed sugar, so you rootled around for the little jar Tom kept in one of his cabinets.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go get it!” Tom said from the couch, his nerves beginning to make him jittery. He thought that while you were in the kitchen, picking a movie would help him calm down. But he couldn’t focus on any of the descriptions, and Tom could feel his heart beat faster and faster.

He needed to get up for a few minutes.

“Are you sure? Do you want me to pick the movie then?” You teased, knowing very well Tom hadn’t found a movie yet. It was a bit of a running gag, him never being able to pick a movie. You would bite your lip to stop from laughing when he eventually got frustrated and handed you the remote.

And even in his nervous state, Tom still grinned because of you.

“Yeah, yeah, like you’re any better. We’ve seen The Avengers twice!” He shot back, a smirk on his lips when he heard you scoff in the kitchen. Apart from your smile, making you jokingly annoyed was Tom’s favorite thing. He liked how cute you were when he teased you.

“Shut up and get my notebook, Tommy!” You laughed, and Tom felt his cheeks warm at the sound.

God you were so fucking perfect.

When Harrison woke up, he almost forgot where he was. But then his vision cleared and there you were, lying in the hospital bed. Harrison’s heart clenched at the sight, remembering the events of last night that landed you here with an IV in your arm. He sat up and stretched, the old wooden chair squeaking against the floor.

The sound was what made you stir, your mind waking up from the dream.

“Harrison?” You whispered, your eyes adjusting to the dim lights in the room. The hospital bed you’d fallen asleep in the night before seemed to glow next to you, but you realized it was just an IV hooked up in your arm. Harrison smiled softly, getting up and coming to stand by your side.

“Hey, you were out like a light.” He said, handing you the glass of water a nurse had brought. You gratefully brought it to your lips, feeling a little dehydrated from whatever fluids were in the IV bag. Harrison gave your free hand a squeeze before crossing to the windows, playing with the blinds to let some sun in.

“How long have you been here?” You asked, playing with the sheets mindlessly. Harrison thought about lying, telling you he’d only arrived a few minutes ago. Because he knew you’d feel bad about it, but you could always tell when he lied.

“Since last night. I stayed here, didn’t want you to be alone.” Harrison replied, and you frowned almost immediately. You felt bad enough that he’d driven you to the hospital on his day off, but knowing that he’d also spent the night sleeping in an uncomfortable, crappy chair didn’t help with the guilt.

“And before you say ‘you shouldn’t have’, just remember you would have done the same for me. So stop beating yourself up about it.” He said, going back to his chair. You winced when it made the same creaking sound, like it was about to break. Harrison noticed, and he couldn’t stop himself from laughing.

“But this chair was really unbearable.” He chuckled, and you finally smiled again.

“Shut up, you idiot.” You giggled, chucking a pillow at Harrison right as the nurse peeked in. You felt your face burn as she smiled at the two of you, Harrison picking up the pillow sheepishly and biting back a laugh.

“Glad to see the patient is feeling better. Can I get you anything, love?” She asked kindly, picking up the now empty class beside you. You smiled at her, shaking your head. You really just wanted to be discharged so you could leave, hospitals always made you nervous. The smell of disinfectant and the general sense of uncertainty were not your favorite sense overloads.

“No, but thank you for everything. Do you know if I’ll be able to leave today?” You asked, and the nurse nodded her head.

“You should be all set to be discharged in an hour. The doctor will check in on you in thirty minutes and then you’re all free to go.” She said, taking the pillow from an embarassed Harrison. You giggled a little when she fluffed the pillow, and returned it to your bed.

“Great, thank you again!” She gave you one last smile before leaving the room, and Harrison breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thank god, I’m really hungry.”

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For Harry, last night would probably be one of the worst and strangest of his life.

After Tom broke down and sobbed into his shirt for two hours straight, he became so frenetic that Harry was afraid he would end up accidentally hurting himself. Tom tried to pack a suitcase to go after you, but he almost slipped in the shower and was so disoriented that he ran into the bedroom wall. Then he tried to cook something on the stove for Harry, but left the fire on while he got distracted trying to find your favorite cereal. Tom wasn’t completely all there, and it was pretty obvious to Harry that he was having some sort of episode.

So once Tom was focused enough to eat the banana his brother opened for him, Harry called his mother.

“Mom, I need you to tell me the name of that anxiety medicine. The one that sometimes works as a sedative.” Harry cast a glance at Tom on the couch, watching him slowly chew the banana with glossy eyes. He had been silently crying at odd times this morning, and it was definitely making Harry nervous.

“Why? Harry, what’s happened?” Nikki immediately sounded worried, running over to the medicine cabinet. She kept the anxiety medicine mainly for Harry, who used to have pretty severe bouts himself. The episodes became few and far between, until they stopped altogether.

But now Nicki was concerned Harry was having them again.

“It’s not for me, Mum. It’s for Tom. I think he’s having some sort of breakdown, and I’m afraid he might accidentally do something stupid and hurt himself.” Harry said, looking over his shoulder to see Tom staring at the banana, almost lifelessly.

“For Tom? Harry, please tell me what’s going on.” Nikki said, clutching the bottle in her hand nervously.  

“I think Tom and Y/N might be over.” Harry said, and the words had more weight than he thought they would. Like it was finally a possible reality, one where you and Tom weren’t together anymore.

“Okay, I’m on my way.”

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“Can you get in the car alright? Need any help?” Harrison asked, hovering over you as the two of you walked to the hospital parking lot. You rolled your eyes, smiling at his protective behavior. He’d been like this during your dischargement too, and it was sweet but definitely unnecessary.

“Haz, I told you. I’m perfectly fine, I swear. It really doesn’t hurt that much, and I can absolutely get into the car on my own.” You said, patting his shoulder reassuringly. Harrison sighed, biting his lip a little worriedly.

“Okay, okay, just making sure. I just don’t want you to aggravate the injury or anything. At least not until we get you home and set up.” He replied, and you couldn’t help it. You leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, watching Harrison’s mouth immediately drop open in shock.

“Hey! What was that for?”

“To thank you for being the world’s greatest div. I love you, idiot.” You said, laughing when Harrison slung an arm around your shoulder. He rolled his eyes at you, smiling playfully.

“You know I love you too, but you really didn’t need to give me that weirdass kiss.” Harrison chuckled, immediately ducking into the car before you decided to throw your purse at him. Scoffing, you got into the passenger seat and punched him in the arm.

“Ow! That hurt!”

“I’ll have you know my kisses are wonderful!” You giggled, clapping a hand over your mouth when Harrison started to fake cry and clutch his arm.

“If I agree, will you leave me alone?” Harrison laughed, starting the car and reversing out of the parking lot. You smiled wickedly, reaching up to ruffle his precious hair. Harrison recoiled instantly, whining at your little stunt.

“I take it back, I actually hate you.”

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“Where is he?” Nikki asked, rushing into the living room. Harry jumped up and led her to the bedroom, where Tom was curled up in a ball. Under the covers, he was crying softly and clutching what looked like a sweater. It seemed too small to be his, and Harry immediately realized it was your favorite sweater. The one Tom loved on you because it was what you were wearing when both of you met for the first time.

“Tom? Love, look at me please.” Nikki whispered, sitting on the edge of the bed. She looked over at Harry and mimed a glass of water, which he left to get from the kitchen. Once they were alone, Nikki gently pulled the covers back. Tom lay there, tears streaming down his face and the front of your sweater soaked.

“She’s gone...” Tom whimpered, trying to pull the covers back over his head. He was completely spent, the possibility that you were really gone hitting him like a train. Tom had pictured the rest of his life with you, and now nothing seemed worthwhile anymore if you weren’t there beside him.

“Y/N? Tell me what happened, Tom.” Nikki said, running a gentle hand through his hair. Tom relaxed under her touch, reminded of all the times in his childhood that he lay in bed upset. Breakups, rejections, failures, his mother had seen them all. And she'd always been there for him.

“We got into a fight...a big fight….and I threw my phone….”

“At her? Tom, how could you do that?” Nikki gasped softly, and Tom’s eyes widened. He found the strength to sit up, looking his mother right in the eyes.

“No...no! I would never hurt her! I threw it at the wall and I locked myself in the bathroom. But….when I came out….she was gone and there was b-blood on the f-floor and...I think-I think I-” Tom couldn’t get the rest of his words out, and Nikki knew enough to envelop her son in a hug.

“It’s okay...it’s okay, Tom.” She sighed, holding her eldest son close. The whole thing was confusing, but if Nikki knew anything about your relationship with Tom it was that it had been the best one he’d ever had. You were kind, intelligent, and strong, exactly what she had always wanted Tom to have in a partner. But hearing Tom cry and work himself up meant she knew what she needed to say. Tom had to stop living in his head.

“Tom? I want you to listen to me, it’ll be okay.”

“But….she’s gone and I hurt her….I can’t ever forgive myself…” Tom sobbed, but Nikki was adamant she would speak and get through to him.

“Look, the past is the past, it’s not in our hands.  You have the chance to ask for her forgiveness, and explain what you’re feeling right now. Don’t let your past actions dictate the future, love. That would be a mistake, because I know Y/N. She loves you and she wants to be there for you. She’ll understand what you’re going through because she cares, that’s what a real partner does. They want the best for you because it’s you. You need to forgive yourself so that she can help you heal.”

“But what if she doesn’t w-want me anymore? I know I scared her….I never wanted to do that b-but she’s been hurt and left because of me….I’m afraid Y/N won’t love me anymore!” Tom cried, his body shaking a little. Nikki rubbed his back and took the water glass from Harry, who’d reappeared in the room.

“Darling, you have to try. You have to fight for the love you want. You don’t think your father and I have gotten angry with each other? We fight and that’s normal, but at the end of it all we come back to each other. I put my feelings aside and listen to him, and he does the same. That’s how it works, we love each other so much that I’ll forgive him and he’ll forgive me.”

Nikki took Harry’s hand and held it, and Tom was finally still. There was no more crying, no more shaking. It was just a moment frozen in time, the three of them together in a little room. Harry hugged Tom and Nikki kissed his forehead, and for the first time in 36 hours Tom wasn’t afraid anymore. The fight wasn’t plaguing him anymore, and neither was the aftertaste of filming that had been slowly poisoning his mind. All he could see was you, like a vision before him wiping his tears away. With that same smile that he had fallen in love with so easily, because it was purely yours.

And that was enough for Tom to be at peace with himself.

“Thank you.” Tom whispered, and Nikki was able to smile again. Harry ruffled his hair, making Tom punch him softly in the arm. He reached for the water glass and the pills in Nikki’s hand, knowing that he needed to take them.

“Take these two and it’ll help a little with the anxiety. It’ll also make you a little drowsy, but it might be good to sleep it all off properly. I’ll stay here with Harry until you wake up, okay?” Nikki said, and Tom let him expend enough energy to nod and smile.

“Just...just please make sure Y/N is okay? Make sure that nothing’s wrong?” Tom said, and Nikki squeezed his right hand. Harry had his left.

“Always. Now get some real sleep, you’re going to need it...”

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“Can we please listen to something other than your terrible daily mix?” You laughed, Harrison clutching his chest to feign offence. He reluctantly handed you the aux cord and you smiled, knowing exactly what you wanted to play. Taking a couple seconds to sift through your own playlists, you found the song you were looking for and pressed play. Harrison smirked at your choice, rolling his eyes at the songs you played over and over again. He attempted to steal the aux back from you, but you dodged him quickly.

“Hey, focus mister! I’m not about to get into an accident right out of the hospital!” You said, giggling as he started to belt out the lyrics and dance. He laughed, rolling his eyes as he focused on the road again.

“I’m a great driver! I’m just trying to save myself from your shit music taste.” He said with a smirk and now it was your turn to roll your eyes. Harrison wasn’t a bad driver, but he definitely wasn’t a great one. The first time you had gotten into the car with him had been to get groceries and it was a disaster. He forgot to turn around before reversing and nearly hit a little old lady with her cart, and almost got hit merging onto the highway. After that, you were careful to look out for him even if it meant you became a backseat driver.

“Sure, Haz. Whatever you want to believe. Just please get us home in one piece!” You laughed, leaning your head back and letting the sunlight warm your face. If not for the events of the previous day, you would have basked in the glory of such a beautiful day.

But your mind turned to Tom, as it always seemed to.

“Hey, is my bag in the back?” You asked, suddenly desperate to check its contents. Harrison turned down the music, furrowing his eyebrows at your change in mood. You turned to look at him, a slight fear in your eyes. Harrison nodded, gesturing to the backseat.

“Yeah, it’s there. Why? What’s wrong?”

“I just...I just need to make sure something is in there…” You trailed off, swiveling in your seat to grab at your handbag. Harrison watched from the corner of his eye as you set it on your lap, rootling through it quickly.

“Whoa, whoa. What are you looking for?” Harrison asked, a little concerned by how frantic you seemed to be. With a sigh of relief, you feel your hands grasp what you’re looking for and you pull it out slowly. Harrison’s eyes automatically soften, seeing your eyes water with your most prized possession in your hand.

“Is that the notebook Tom bought you? The one he bought you when he found out you wanted to be a writer?”

“Y-yeah...it is. I just wanted to make sure it was still there, you know? That’s dumb, isn’t it? I mean...he probably doesn’t even want to be with me a-anymore. So...so why am I….why am I holding on like this?” You felt the dam break finally, the tears streaming down your face. Harrison bit his lip, pulling the car over and unbuckling his seatbelt.

“Hey...hey...look at me.” Your tears were staining the cover, the little drops of water creating little streams on the surface. It felt like someone had pulled the rug from underneath you, and that you’d discovered there was no floor. What would you do without Tom? You loved him more than anything, but you were no fool. His anger couldn’t have come from out of the blue, it was something repressed that Tom had been feeling for a long time. Without warning, your insecurities began to mount.

Maybe he was bored of you.

Maybe you annoyed him.

Maybe he’d found someone else.

Maybe you weren’t good enough and he’d realized it.

And then the worst of them all.

Maybe the rest of the world was right.

“I’m losing him.” You whispered, and Harrison’s heart clenched at your words. He knew you were always insecure about dating Tom, but you’d never vocalized anything like this before.

“No, no you’re…”

“I’m not an idiot, Haz! I’ve seen the signs! H-he’s done with me….I’m just d-delaying the inevitable. I should have….I should have known I wasn’t good enough for him. He’s him and I’m j-just me, who the hell was I fooling? E-even the fans knew it!”

“Y/N...come on...that’s not-”

“He hasn’t wanted to spend any real time with me since he came back from Cherry. It’s like I don’t even exist to him, I’m invisible until he has to talk to me. I’ve tried five times to get him to have dinner with me and he rejected me every time, Haz. All I’ve heard for two months is ‘I’m going out with the boys, sorry’ or ‘Just going to sleep, don’t feel like eating’. And I tried to understand, I really did. It must have been so hard shooting a movie like that, it would be emotionally draining for anyone. Hell, even the book is emotionally draining-”

“I don’t think...”

“Let me finish, please? Haz, I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired, I’m so tired. I can’t fight for this relationship anymore when I’m not even sure if he wants it. He pushes me away all the time and it hurts me to see him like that. Tom isn’t happy, and I think it’s because of me. So I won’t hold him back anymore, I’ll just quietly disappear. No drama, no fighting, nothing. I can’t bear knowing I’m the reason he’s unhappy, it would kill me to think that.”

You broke again, the tears burning your eyes as you clutched the notebook tighter to your chest. It brought you a little comfort, knowing what you would have to do next. You needed to leave Tom, to let him live his life and be happy. You clearly couldn’t make him happy anymore and though that was something you’d struggled to accept in the last few hours, it was the right thing to do. You had no delusions about the way you looked, you always felt rather plain and boring compared to the beautiful women Tom was used to being around. He would be better off with someone else, someone as amazing as him.

Someone who isn’t you.

Harrison’s throat went dry as you slowly raised a hand to wipe at your tears, your eyes glossing over as you stared lifelessly out the window. He had a horrible feeling that you were serious about what you had just said, and he wasn’t sure how all this had happened. How could he have let you feel like this?

How could they not have noticed?

“Please, please don’t say-”

“Harrison, I have to. I can’t do this anymore.” You whispered, and Harrison stopped mid sentence. You never called him by his full name, it was always just Haz. He squeezed your hand as you cried, sobs wracking your body that made him cry too. You barely got the words out, but Harrison knew them before you said it.

“I have to leave because I love him.”

IF YOU’RE STILL INTERESTED IN BEING ON MY TAGLIST PLEASE FILL OUT THE NEW FORM IN MY BIO BC I WILL BE REVAMPING IT!

TAGLIST (PLEASE ONLY SEND AN ASK OR FILL OUT MY FORM!!): @tommyparkerr @grandmascottlang @toms-order @domestic-void @tomhollandsgirlfriend @cutiehollands @peeterparkr @jupiterparker @inlovewithmob-tom @veronicas-littleworld @da5haexowin @sergeantbxrnxs @hazsterfield @itsholyholland @underoosstark @stormyholland @let-me-luve-you @musicgirl234 @its-livelovelife @steve-thotgers @tiny-friggin-human @lavcnderparker @lucille-lovely @yeahbutmarvel @lokiislowkeyhot @spideymood @yoharryyouawizard @tomhollanders2013 @starlightseoksmain @jnej @spiderman-n @positiveparker @winterssoldierrs @heycreehere @galaxy-parker @sdrecsfics @doimakeitthroughthenight @wronglanemendes @brokensimpson @spnsoap @ninetypoundsofasthma @quitetommy @voltronshepard @marvelismylifffe @iluvmesomemarvelndc @annathesillyfriend @tiredfeels @scarlet-spiderr @hedwigthelegend @renesniajazza @bibliophile-grasshopp @tomhollandswhore @yeeterbenjaminparker @juliabuenooo @paradoxparker @pokeloisfk @machomango13 @nobledoritoman @cosmicdaya @hey-its-grey @toms-gf @cutesparker @whypeterparkerwhy @blissfulparker @xxtomxo @pastelpeter @hilllsnholland @hopespym @peterstrainingwheels @stuckonspidey @jacobsbatalon @steveroguhrs @spideypeach @spxderbarnes @stealth-spiderr @uglypastels @darlingtholland @spideyflicker @thollandss @out-of-my-way-extras @trustfundparker @clockblobber @asmilinghopelessromantic @zaynjawy @sholla4-314 @lemondropirwin @angelbabymed @in-the-corner-coffee-please @peterbparkcr @william-stanley @greenarrowhead @squishyhyunjin @starz-23 @spoopy-spooderman @whatevsholland @aestheticstom @tomzfrog @bebegomie @embrace-themagic @joshuaparkers @dancingoncrackedhearts @mlt2000 @spidergirl007 @headsup-itsmostlypeter @sspideytom @kisses-holland @hardestbattles-strongestsoldiers @infamousmany @theefactorygirl @aelinashryvver @sarah-moss2015 @honeybucks @fandomdarlings @yourwonderbelle @rexorangecouny @deni-gonzalez @mylifeasafangirlforever @random-writer06 @whitewolfandthefox @sweetlyth @notethereal @play-morezeppelin @fandoms-stuff @petesrparker @yavinmoon @sweet-baby-cakes @noswagswag @peteunderoos @jackiehollanderr @yadekms @practicallylivesonline @i-tried21 @stasye @unorganizedasf @tomshufflepuff @mejustbeingme @fanboy-tom @mimaligrl @theimpossiblehologramtree @diamonddia-mond @qrangr @parkeroffline @peterpumpkinparker @rosieredcheeks @delicately-important-trash @zabdisamor @peterbrokenparker @the-lost-fairy-tale @everestluke @gigilame @youllbemineandillbeyours @cherryblossomcharlotte @paintingbellarke @teawithbucky @tomhaz @multi-worlds @clara-licht @ppkrtingle @laurxn-robinson @lulueliott @lostinspidey @starlightparker @ddaeing @sincerelymlg @officiallygeek @maybemona @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @lowkey-holland @particularsof @saturn-aka-six @elysianparker @fangirlingisajob @hypnotized-so-mesmerized @deathofthrones @th0ttie4tommy @orowit @lauras-collection @itseightbeats @thomasholyholland @h-arrystyles @softboyparkerr @darlingxholland @marshyrebelcloud @kristinathecarat @florencxs @definitely-not-black-cat @spdys @wazzupmrstark @farfromhaz @plushparker @princepeteys @afterglowparker @softspiderling @geeksareunique @sltwins @belladonichaze39 @emmmybear @melrosaeparker @crazymexicanfangirl @beequeen8020 @escapetheshackles @siriuslyslyslytherin @eilishparker @violet-lilyy @w-jhxk-yj @doctor-spence-reidd @spacebitch2 @folkoftheair @himynameishooman @temptingholland @miraclesoflove @marvelobsessedteenager @hollandosterfieldfanfic @biebsmylife95 @hannihannelora @getmebieber @angiexyoung @markleehee

Gone Taglist: @tshdarling @hestoosirius @ana-cxst @aeciru @play-morezeppelin @bobo-bush @itsjusttor  @iam-thevillain-of-thisstory @autty0314 @name-me-regret @prfctdayas @youngblood199456 @fab-notfat @technolilly @hollandinq @theetherealbloom @littlebookbengal @spideyyeet @midnightbarnes @3prettyinpink3 @lulueliott24 @spxder-bxcky @spiderbibby @ietss @winterseba @sehunights @blahhhhhhhaaa @shootingstarsaretearsofheaven @sixwyrxstuff @noelleivy @madeinthemidnightmemories @tryn25 @iriaaarb @marvelobsessedteenager @eleanornicolelocke @breakingnasa @iwishitwasthe-80s @wesleypiper @ihopethatwemeetinanotherlife @1dstark-blog @totesem @itstomhollands @stxfxniexreads @astrobxbeee @magicianraging @reveluvspecial @be-cautious-around-bri @audreylovesashton706 @whereverigoimightstay @natasha-stark-parker @jacksnoodlez99 @lifeisabitchandsoareyou @stabbyhat @blackeighteen @itisjustpaula @caitsymichelle13 @herondalism @ameliathackray @pluckypete @rachaeldonnaspiteri1 @farfromjustordinary @cosmicmndes @farfromhoran @giveme-gaskarth @likeit-or-leaveit @captured-firelight @spnsquirrel @some-random-stranger-007 @silver-bubbles @thevelvetseries @screeching-student-unknown @melrosaeparker 

Moots Tag -let me know if you want me to take you off :)- @angelic-holland @fairytaleparker @honeymoonparker @screamholland @hollandstom @calmholland @spiesindisguise @neverlandparker @nnatasha @parkerpuff @the-claire-bitch-project @angelhaz11 @farfromhaz @blushypetey @hazinhoodies @spiderrpcrker @yeahimcrying @definitely-not-black-cat​ @quackeroos @ts-holland @t-holland2080 

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #peter parker x reader #peter parker #tom holland angst #harrison osterfield #harrison osterfield x reader

[letthefrogsbe]

remember when I was gonna write that parkner fic?

cool so I've decided I'm gonna, but because I cannot write for SHIT and I hate my writing every time I see it, ill just share my outline of what I have so far. its not coherent. sorry. 

Section one: aunt may dies. It’ll be like “it's been 3 months. 3 months since May was shot. 2 months and 3 weeks since she died.”

Something like that idc. Basically this section will base around peter living tony, because he’s not doing well, and he is only 17- which is not actually old enough to be on your own after something like this. Setting is established, with cameos from dr strange (who tony is dating and lives with (yeah bite me, this is my fanfiction i can make it what i want.) it will be made obvious that this takes place after endgame, which also means that tony is Not going to die. I’m not that mean lmao. The avengers are like largely together, there was not as much death in this as there was in endgame. Whatever. Everyone is very nice to peter because they know that for him its either this or him becoming a ward of the state so like.

Section two: harley gets kicked out. His mom finds out that he’s gay (from gossip sources idk) and kicks harley out. Im not going to write them having a big fight like in the moment, but harley will recount what happened somewhat to tony in this section, and then more to peter later in the story. Gay ppl trauma dump, we know this. Okay anywaysss so harley calls tony literally sobbing and like freezing fucking cold. IM SORRY IM BEING SO MEAN TO THEM I PROMISE THEY'LL GET A HAPPY ENDING. Okay. harley explains how his mom kicked him out. Tony asks why, harley says something like “she didn’t agree with my lifestyle choices” like bitterly. Tony is a good person in this (i know, im really taking some character liberties) and he’s in the mood for collecting strays apparently, so he has happy send over the quinjet. He can’t make it himself bc hes in fucking japan or something for the next few weeks,, but. Yeah! Tony also calls peter, who is presumably in bed and feeling depressed. “Hey pete. How ya feeling? Any better?’ ‘Not really, tony. Sorry.’ ‘you don’t have to be sorry-’ ‘damn tony you sound like my therapist.’ “sorry pete, but i do have something to tell you- you know harley?’ ‘only from what you’ve told me about him, but yea. He was the tennessee garage kid, right?’ ‘i mean. Yes. so- he’s gonna come stay with me for a while too- it might not be permanent but it will probably be a bit. He’s about your age, and he just has no where to go (just like u). He’s not going to stay in your room or anything, but with bruce and thor here, he will be in your apartment area.’ ‘okay tony.. Will i have to talk to him a bunch?’ ‘not if you don’t want to- i already warned him about you, so it should be okay. I wouldn’t worry so much pete- you guys are so similar in a lot of ways that i wanted to introduce you two long before he called me.’ ‘okay tony, i trust you. Thank you again for letting me stay with you :)’ (yeah that kind of got away from me)

Section 3: build up. this is a shorter section. Harley and peter are gonna meet in section 4. This section is harley’s jet ride (with an intuitive happy) and harley’s nerves about how he really isn’t worth this (i mean hes pretty intimidated tony sent a private jet just for him) and happy like reassures him. Hes still insecure though. Peter is also nervous bc what if harley doesn’t like him? What if he doesn’t like harley?? Tony did say they would get along, but peter hasn’t really been himself recently, so who knows? Yeah lots of that. I do want to emphasize though- peter is not completely unhealthily coping. Like he has a therapist and he has been reaching out to ned and mj, but its still an open wound for him. Obviously. He still has a sense of humor though, but its to cover these deep insecurities. Like the first month or so that he was with tony, he was reallllyyyy trying to not get close to him bc he sort of thinks he kills everyone around him. Like logically he knows this isn’t true, but he does really think the that non superheroes that he surrounds himself with are very at risk if they know about his spider-man-ness. The only people who know now are ned and mj (may knew too).

Section 4: the meeting of harley and peter. Keep in mind peter has been living in this apartment/area of stark tower for about 3 months now. He actually moved in while may was in the hospital because he couldn’t stand to be alone in the apartment when he knew why may wasn’t there. And um. Yeah. so peter is like comfortable in this space, basically. Also- the reason theyre in the same apartment is because stark tower was not really created with the idea of housing broken orphans in mind, so it only has a certain amount of residential space. Thor and bruce are currently staying there together (although no one really knows if theyre together, or if theyre just best bros who went through some extreme trauma together and are now inseparable. Hmmm wonder if thats gonna come up later) and theyre using one apartment, and happy lives there with his own apartment, and tony and stephen are currently sharing the penthouse, even though thats not public knowledge. Really only the people close to tony know that he’s dating stephen. So. this leaves just the one other 2 bedroom apartment for peter and harley. It has one bathroom, and the bedrooms are connected by a door but theyre pretty big so like. Theres a kitchen, a living room with a fancy ass tv, and a really pretty view (with a balcony bc <333). May died in march, peter got leave from the school in april, and it is now the middle of june btw. Tony is now peter’s official guardian (he was before may died anyways) and now has sole guardianship over him which he has fully accepted, even though peter and him both know that there are going to be times where he has to go out of town bc he does own a company after all. Times like right now. Harley is pretty nervous that tony isn’t going to be there to greet him and that he is going to have to like introduce himself to peter and everything. Cmon, theres no reason to feel like that, he’s the one intruding after all, he should at least be able to handle himself. (<--- harley’s thoughts). Yeah so theyre insecure super cool. A n y w a y s so peter was stressing about harley as he arrived, and so when harley walked in they were both complete bundles of nerves. Harley walks up but knocks. Peter actually jumps (bc spidey sense okay whatever) and goes to get the door. Oh my god these awkward teenagers i hate them so much (i love them). Peter kinda looks like shit, sorry king. He was a little bit crying earlier, then tony called and he switched into stressed out ball-of-anxiety mode. Distractions are good, its okay. Peter opens the door for harley and they like introduce each other all awkward (again sorry) and peter shows harley where he is staying. Harley doesnt really have muchhhh bc he was kicked out and all. He just has a suitcase full of clothes, his favorite blanket, his favorite stuffed animal (yeah whatever bc ofc he does) and his phone/charger. He sets all his stuff down at once. He thanks peter for letting him stay in his apartment and also said sorry. First thing peter noticed was harley’s accent. Stfu. peter asks why harley’s here- ok. Harleys had a long ass day. Too fucking long. He- he breaks down. He tells peter a lot. About how his mom found out that he was gay, and how she told him never to come back. Yikes. Anyways, this is establishing the beginning of their relationship as friends. Peter is there for him even though he doesn’t know him at all. Peter sees some of himself in harley in this moment, even though he’s not talking about himself yet. Eventually harley does ask about peter, and they really just get to know each other really quick. They have these deep scarring individual traumas, and neither has nearly recovered, but they find comfort in just knowing that theyre not alone in their suffering. At least for now. At least in this moment.

Section 5: the next day. Peter and harley spent that whole night talking about what they were going through. Peter said good night at around 5 am (there were no adults around they can do what they want to) and they both got good sleeps. In peter’s case, one of the first solid nights he’s had in a while. Harley was kept up a little longer after peter left, however, because he just couldn’t shut off his mind. It was really cathartic for him to just lay everything out there and for someone to just accept him. Peter told him he was bi, but he was.. Lucky. He had accepting people in his life. May was accepting. God, harley couldn’t fathom having lost everyone in his life, everyone he ever cared about, and still having the heart to sit and talk with the dumbass anxious gay kid who can’t go home anymore. His problems felt so small compared to peter’s, and all he could do was admire peter’s resilience and how he was seemingly able to bounce back from anything. God, peter was something. He couldn’t wait to get to know him more. With that thought circling in his head, he finally went to sleep at oh shit 6:30 am. Peter woke up around 1. Harley at 2. When harley woke up, peter was watching tv and eating cereal on the couch and he just sat down next to him. No words, just sleepy children being sleepy. They stayed like this for like an hour when someone knocked on their door. Enter stephen strange!!!!!!!!!!! Get excited people. Hes just coming in to check on them bc tony told him to, and he didn’t get the chance last night bc he was _busy_. K so now he’s here and hes awkward and he just wants to make sure these boys r okay bc theyve both been through too much recently, and it would be just the cherry on top if they didn’t get along. Him and harley had never actually met before so he like introduced himself and all that. Offered like if they needed anything he was there, and its only gonna be a few days until tony gets back (did i say a week earlier? Im retconning that bc i cannot find it in my writing so it is now retconned). Peter and harley just have to sort of explain to dr strange that theyre getting along gREAT and there is no need for concern….. And peter was even thinking about showing harley around the city a bit that night (something he had not yet told harley, but wanted to make it seem like he was doing well and not acting too depressed in front of Dr. Strange) so dr strange is like yeah !!!!!! do that, that sounds super fun petey !!!!!! and so now they have evening plans

ok ps I wrote this like 2 weeks ago and completely forgot I posted something on Tumblr about this fic idea, and so this is literally just how I talk to myself. was not gonna ever post this but then I decided to because I'm bored. there are more sections but I'm not gonna post them rn because this post is really fucking long already!!!!

#hope this is marketable?? #sort of just wanted to share my 4 am writing tbh #it doesn't make sense just go w it #parkner #peter parker #harley keener

[svtxsoju]

02. morning glory fizz | dear miss soju

ღ Synopsis: College is hard. Love is even harder. Good thing the students of Mansae University can write in to Miss Soju, the campus’ very own romance advice columnist! The only problem is she’s never been in a relationship. Ever. There’s no telling what kind of chaos she may cause in the love lives of several of MU’s most eligible bachelors. Too bad no one knows who she really is! ღ Characters/Pairings: college AU! Seventeen & OC’s, Joshua x baking major!OC, and more TBA!  ღ Genre: Romantic Comedy, Slice of Life ღ Warning(s): Mentions of alcohol, suggestions of sex, language  ღ Word Count: 4.9k words  ღ Binu’s Note: a week late but better late than never i guess 😌 i’ve been avoiding tumblr to finish writing this, but i just kept getting distracted by choi seungcheol. hit that mf like button if you relate. i’m so excited for the special album y’all the teasers and concepts are so sadkfklsj i love seventeen

anyway, i apologize not only for the late update, BUT ALSO bc this chapter is also a lot of exposition again 😔🥺 i promise i’m done setting it all up and that some real shit will go down in the next chapter!! hopefully people will still be able to enjoy this chapter huhuhu 😭💗 if you’re reading this, i love u and i hope u have a good weekend!! 

《 ⊛ Author’s Note & Credits ⊛ Disclaimer ⊛ Masterlist ⊛ 》

《 Previous ⊛ Next 》

Having already completed the first half of her college career, Joohyun was well aware of the value of sleep. And yet, like most college students, she could never  seem to manage a decent sleeping schedule. She had only slept 2 hours when her alarm went off at 5:30AM. She groggily rolled out of bed, mentally cursing her past self for thinking that this was a good idea when clearly, the best idea at the moment was to snuggle back up under her covers and sleep in until afternoon. Only one of her eyes seemed capable of staying open as she pulled on her clothes and got ready for the day. When she suddenly heard the front door close behind her roommate, she cursed out loud, throwing her laptop into her bag before she rushed out the door. She half-wobbled, half-hopped along the second-story walkway while she tried to get her shoes all the way on.

“Bok Bongseon! Wait for me!” Joohyun called out in an aggressive whisper.

“HOLY SHIT! You scared me, Joo!” her roommate, a shorter girl with full cheeks and pouty lips, screamed at full volume. She clutched at her racing heart and leaned against the wall while she caught her breath. 

“Shut up, people are still sleeping!” Joohyun linked arms with Bongseon and dragged her down the steps leading to the street. It was still dark outside, but she could already hear the faint bustling of the mart located below their apartment. It was nice to know that they weren’t the only two people in Seoul insane enough to be awake at this hour. 

“I thought you were the ghost of my grandma, you bitch! You know she visits me in my dreams to tell me how disappointed she that I’m a baker,” Bongseon said indignantly, though she still cuddled closer to Joohyun when they were hit by the morning chill. Once they reached the street, they both headed towards the train station without having to say a word.  “What are you even doing up?” 

“I am simply accompanying my favorite roommate to work to make sure that she gets there safely,” Joohyun crooned sweetly, and made kissy faces at the girl, who in turn pinched Joohyun’s lips between her calloused fingers. She tried to protest but could only let out pained whines until she was mercifully released. “Ow!” 

“Sorry but I cannot fulfill your roommates to lovers, 12k slowburn fantasy,” Bongseon continued on nonchalantly as they climbed down the steps to the platform. “You had your chance, but I am a taken girl!”

“Oh, so you and Josh are together today?” Joohyun teased. Although it probably wasn’t the best idea, considering her lips were slightly throbbing from the girl’s attack. “I’ll just wait until tomorrow then.” 

“Wow, bold words coming from Miss Fish Lips.” Bongseon raised an eyebrow and smiled tauntingly. “Understandable, considering  that that was probably the most action your lips have gotten in your entire life. I could probably set it up on a blind date with my fist, if you’d like.” 

Joohyun’s laughter echoed off the walls of the mostly empty station, startling the only other person waiting for the morning train (an old woman, who was still half-asleep prior to being rudely awakened by two very loud girls). Bongseon often made some colorful threats, morning or not, but Joohyun was one of the very few people who could be assured that her words were empty. “Don’t you know that it’s rude to stare, lady?” she barked at the old woman, who was openly glaring at them. Everyone else, on the other hand, was subject to Bongseon’s sharp temper.

This even included her boyfriend of approximately 4 years. ‘Approximately’ being the key word, because the two often took breaks--  a natural phenomenon when one partner was easily provoked and the other loved to do the provoking. Jihoon had told Joohyun that the two had met at the cafe in their freshman year, when Bongseon came in as a part-time baker and Joshua was merely a barista trainee. They started dating within a month and moved into an apartment together in two. That went just as well as anyone would expect. By the grace of whatever entity that was chaotic enough to keep their relationship intact, they made it 7 months before nearly breaking things off for good. As luck would have it though, a new hire and his roommate were in the same exact predicament as them. Kind of. 

Joohyun shuddered to recall her freshman year when she and Jihoon somehow convinced themselves that it was a good idea to share an apartment. In principle it made sense; they had lived across the street from each other since they were in diapers. Two exhausting months into trying to irritate the other into breaking the lease first, they met Bongseon and Joshua when Jihoon started working at Smile Flower. It didn’t take long for Joohyun to suggest the switch— she would move in with Bongseon and Joshua with Woozi. Just like that, she saved both Bongseon and Joshua’s turbulent romance (temporarily) and her and Woozi’s fractured friendship (now thriving). 

She and Bongseon have been roommates ever since, and Joohyun knew her life was a little easier for it. 

“Joohyun, you better stop looking at me with those heart eyes before I really act up,” Bongseon warned. They had boarded the train, but hadn’t bothered to sit down since Mansae University station was only two stops away. 

“But I just love you so much,” Joohyun pouted, affectionately resting her head on her friend’s shoulder. “What does Joshua have that I don’t?” 

“A dick. And that’s about it.” 

“Damn you, heterosexuality!” 

Bongseon snorted out a laugh. “Seriously Joo, how are you awake right now? You’re only ever this lovey-dovey when you’re severely sleep deprived. I know you don’t have classes until 3PM today. You also don’t have your internship today,” Bongseon narrowed her eyes when Joohyun visibly tensed up at the mention of her current occupation. “Also, since when do you watch Youtube videos until 2am? And don’t think I didn’t notice that all of them were titled ‘Relationship Q&A’s’ and ‘I confessed to my crush and he said this!!!’. Got something to tell me, missy?” 

It was so quiet on the train that Joohyun worried that Bongseon could hear all the wires in her brain short-circuit. With Bongseon’s cross-examination skills, it was a wonder why she pursued baking instead of joining her family’s firm. Come on, Joohyun, just tell a white lie. Easy, simple. Don’t need to overcomplicate things. “Oh, uh I— um— well, I j-just thought they were entertaining?” She was done for. 

“Right. You thought random couples self-indulgently talking about their love lifes for 40 minutes with default iMovies effects were entertaining.”  

“Y-yes?” Joohyun threw in her most convincing smile for good measure, but it did nothing to soften Bongseon’s hard gaze. “It’s my new guilty pleasure, haha!”  

“Hm, interesting,” Bongseon was momentarily interrupted by the sound of the arrival bell. Joohyun eagerly pulled her friend towards the exit, hoping that the distance from the train could also get her further away from the topic. Unfortunately for her, Bongseon did not plan on dropping it so soon. “You sure you don’t want to tell me anything, Joo? About your internship?” 

Joohyun began to sweat. Was she really that transparent? “Okay, don’t get mad--”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m super jazzed that you’re getting into relationships and everything, but really Joo? Youtube? You could just talk to me if you need help talking to your new crush at your job!” 

“Oh.” Joohyun would have let out a sigh of relief if she wasn’t out of breath from climbing the mountain of stairs up to the sidewalk. “Right. Confessing. To my crush. That I definitely have.”

“It’s okay to admit you have one, Joo. I’m no  stranger to workplace romance,” Bongseon said, her breathing completely even. A measly flight of stairs was nothing compared to eight hours of kneading dough. “Who’s the lucky bastard, Joo?” 

“Well, I’m not sure I would call it a workplace romance, per se…” Joohyun laughed nervously. There was no way she could stick another clean landing if she kept talking. 

“Shut up, I bet that guy is in love with you already. Who wouldn’t fall for the only editing intern at The Front?” 

“Haha, I don’t know…” Probably no one, because the only editing intern at The Front doesn’t exist? 

Joohyun could not be more relieved to see the small store front of Smile Flower Cafe. It was one amongst the many cafes located near campus, but Joohyun felt like nothing really matched its comforting home-like ambience. But that probably had less to do with the soft wooden floors and pastel ceramic mugs, and more owed to the three years Joohyun had spent hanging around there, usually bothering Jihoon and joking around with Josh. 

The two boys already stood waiting at the cafe’s entrance, too bleary-eyed to notice Joohyun and Bongseon quickly approaching. “Hey, ugly!” Joohyun called out, snickering when both of them turned to look at her. 

“What the hell, why are you awake?” 

“Good morning to you too, Jihoon,” she answered, blowing him a kiss. “I’m actually here to see you, believe it or not. Don’t you feel special?”

“Oh? That’s interesting, because you told me that you came here for me,” Bongseon broke away from exchanging actual kisses with Joshua to look between Joohyun and Jihoon in a way that Joohyun did not like too much.  “I guess it wasn’t a workplace romance after all.” 

Joshua mirrored his girlfriend’s implicating expression as he unlocked the front door, simply because he knew it made his friends squirm. “Wow Joohyun, you woke up this early just to talk to Jihoon? You really couldn’t wait to see him, huh?” 

“Uh, yes because I need his help—”

“Ah, his help, gotcha! Come on, Bongseon, I’ll go help you in the kitchen while these two help each other out here,” Joshua snickered. Before Joohyun or Jihoon could roast the couple in retaliation, they had already disappeared behind the counter. 

After years of similar taunts, all Jihoon could do was shake his head. “Okay Joo, what is so important that you need my help at 6 in the morning?”

“I wrote my first response last night!” Joohyun whispered excitedly, taking out her laptop from her bag. “Well, a few hours ago. I wanted to show you before continuing on with the rest! Here, look.” 

① Dear Miss Soju, 

I just started my first year at MU and she’s an exchange student from New York. We met at a party and talked for two hours about comics, aliens, anything we could think of. It was perfect. She even asked me to walk her home. When the time came for me to make a move though, I kind of dropped the ball. Since we had just met that night, I didn’t want to come off too strong. Now I really regret it - I don’t even have her phone number. I feel like such an idiot! I can’t stop thinking about her, but I don’t even know if I’ll ever talk to her again. Did I make myself seem disinterested? Will we meet again? Will she even remember me?

Sincerely,

Big Cringy Idiot

She let Jihoon read the asker’s message first, then scrolled down to show her answer.

Dear Big Cringy Idiot,

You and your crush seem to have a lot in common. There is nothing wrong with being nervous around someone you like. In fact, it is fairly normal and is a good sign that you like this girl very much. She also seems open to any future possiblities, since she did ask you to take her home. You need not worry about coming off too strong in this situation, although I do admire your dedication to respecting women’s boundaries. I hope you are able to find this girl again so that you can truly tell her how you feel. Best of luck to you!

Sincerely,

Miss Soju

“Joo, that was…” 

“Poetic, beautiful, life-changing?” Joohyun grinned, and nudged her best friend with each suggestion.

“Boring. It was boring.” Joohyun’s face fell, and Jihoon could only offer the girl an apologetic smile. “Dude, you’re gonna put people to sleep if you keep it up like this. I almost took out a pillow to take a nap on the floor.”

“But this is how I write my articles— Informative and concise! How else am I supposed to write it?”

“I mean, that’s great for reporting articles, but this is an advice column. It’s supposed to be fun, sarcastic maybe. Like your promo piece! That was good.” 

“I wrote that as a joke, hoping they would fire me for it,” Joohyun admitted, eyes wide in panic as she looked at her best friend. 

“Huh. Well, I think it would sound better than this Wikipedia article you got going on,” Jihoon shrugged. “Try to be fun!”

“I am fun!” Joohyun cried out defensively, her nostrils flaring with passion. When Jihoon responded with a doubtful look, she let out a dramatic gasp and snatched up her laptop, stomping over to her favorite corner in the cafe. “I can be fun! I’ll show you fun!” 

 “Atta girl,” Jihoon’s signature cackle filled the cafe, further fueling the girl’s aggressive typing. 

Just another morning in the life of So Joohyun.

To the surprise of the cafe’s current occupants, a student already tapped at the glass entrance, clearly in desperate need of his morning americano. He had walked all the way from the freshman dorms after a restless night of tossing and turning. When his phone screen told him it was already 6:05AM, he decided to just give up on sleep altogether. So there he was, trying to start off his day right, at Smile Flower Cafe, only to be stopped at the door by the grumpy barista with the red hair. He always felt like the other one was way nicer, especially since he would go out of his way to sneak him free cookie samples and made pleasant small talk while ringing him up (what was his name? Jonathan?). 

  All the red-haired barista ever did was scowl at him when he asked for a student discount. Now, he scowled at him as he gestured at the sign that indicated that the cafe would not be open until 7AM. The fatigued freshman had half a mind to make some choice gestures of his own, but he refrained and just whipped out his phone instead. He gave the mean barista one last pout before turning around and walking towards the 24-hour convenience store on campus.

➠ [ to: vernonie 😌😎  ] Good morning king. Are you still on your shift ?

➠ [ from: vernonie 😌😎  ] gm seungkwan pls k*ll me 

Seungkwan took that as a yes. It didn’t take long for him to arrive, the entrance bell ringing lightly when he stepped into the small store. At the register sat his roommate, who was clearly fighting to keep his eyes open. “Wol-cuh ‘n—” he tried to greet through a wide-mouthed yawn. “Excuse me, welcome in! Oh, hey Seungkwan.”

Seungkwan answered with a grunt and headed straight for the refrigerated coffee section, choosing the largest can.

“Uh dude, you good? You look like—”

“Like I haven’t slept all night? I am aware,” He immediately opened his coffee and took a long gulp of the beverage in hopes of feeling even a little better. When it did nothing after 30 seconds, he frowned at the concerned cashier. “Vernon, I will not be paying for this drink, because it is clearly defective. Coffee is supposed to fix everything.” 

“Is this about your audition today?” Vernon asked, eyebrows furrowed. “Your monologue sounded really solid last night though. Your audition songs were great too. You totally got this in the bag!” 

“It’s not just about the audition, sweet Vernon,” Seungkwan sighed. “It’s about who I’m going to see at the audition. I still don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do.”

“Oh yeah, you are probably going to see them later.” For the past week, all Seungkwan could talk about was the theater tech sophomore that he had met at the theater department’s welcome party. They had sat beside Seungkwan and had helped him through all the fast-paced drinking games, and even took some of his shots when he kept losing. Surely, this was what love felt like.

That was what Seungkwan hoped anyway, because whatever it was made him feel all warm and tingly inside (or it could have just been the alcohol). Nevertheless, he had made big plans to confess to his crush as soon as possible. His dilemma for the past several days was merely a matter of how it would be done. “Not probably! I know for a fact that they will be there, because they told me that they couldn’t wait to see me,” Seungkwan let out a wail and slumped over the counter. “They’re the sweetest, most beautiful person to ever walk the earth and I just want to tell them that I would actually jump off a bridge for them. Why is that so difficult?” 

Vernon nodded sympathetically as he always did. “I mean, if you’re not ready today, maybe you could wait?”

“Wait?! No offense babe, but last time I checked, waiting didn’t get you anywhere,” Seungkwan said,  patting his roommate’s arm. Vernon cringed as he was forced to remember his own romantic blunder from the past week. “Clearly, we are both in major need of help. That Woozi guy’s show didn’t do anything for us! Also, we still haven’t heard from that Miss Soju character and it’s been what? Two days? If she’s such an expert, she would know that love is time sensitive!” 

“Ugh, I know. I keep refreshing The Front’s website just to see if she’s posted it yet.” Vernon sighed forlornly, which was a common punctuation to his sentences lately. “It’s getting me really antsy. What if she doesn’t even choose to answer our emails this time?” 

Seungkwan quickly covered the other freshman’s mouth. “Don’t say that! The universe manifests what we say will happen. We should ask for divine intervention instead.” He cleared his throat in preparation and threw his hands up to the sky. “O Eros, god of love, please shine your blessings down upon my and Vernonie’s love lives for we are but two humble, clueless freshmen in need of romantic guidance. Send down two of your swiftest, sharpest arrows, so that those that we desire may hear your soft whispers—”

Ding. The sound of the entrance bell rang once more, stopping Seungkwan’s prayer short, much to his irritation. “Is this a bad time?” the new customer, an ethereally handsome blonde, asked amusedly. He strode into the store and grabbed two spicy tuna triangle kimbab’s before approaching the counter. 

“Jeonghan hyung!” 

“Ah, Vernon!” Jeonghan smiled. “I didn’t know you worked here. You should come by my and Cheol’s apartment again soon, that was fun!”

“Hyung, this is my roommate that I told you about-- Seungkwan. And Seungkwan, this is Seungcheol hyung’s roommate,” Vernon said all while ringing up Jeonghan’s food. On the side, Seungkwan bowed sheepishly after unfreezing from his previous pose. “How’s your morning going? You wake up pretty early!” 

Jeonghan laughed heartily, shaking his head. “Oh no, I just finished an all-night stream. I just came by to get a snack before heading to bed. Seems like you two have been having a fun morning, though. Do you two always start your day off by praying to the ancient Greek god of desire?” 

Seungkwan flushed a deep pink. “Uh no, it was more like a cry of desperation. Vernon and I are having a pretty tough time confessing to our crushes, so I figured we should just try out anything that might help us. Nothing else seems to be working…” 

“Wait, that’s so cute,” Jeonghan cooed. 

“Would you be able to give us some advice, hyung?” Vernon asked. He didn’t know anything about the senior’s love life, but he did give off the vibe of someone who would know… a lot. 

Jeonghan’s eyes twinkled dangerously, a lazy smirk on his lips. “I mean, I could go talk to your little crushes for you, if you’d like. I’m sure I could get some sort of response out of them.”

One look at Jeonghan had Vernon and Seungkwan shaking their heads vehemently.

“No, we’re good.”

“Yeah, no thanks.” 

“Mm, good call.” Jeonghan took his food from the counter, and winked at the two boys. “I really wish I could help you both more, but I’m sure you’ll get what you’re waiting for soon! Today, if you want it enough.” 

There was something in the way that the senior stated those words that made Seungkwan believe him without a question. It wasn’t a naive suggestion or an optimistic prediction; Jeonghan spoke like it was the truth plainly written on the walls. He finally felt a long-awaited wave exhaustion wash over his anxieties, softening them until they fizzled away alongside the ebbing foam. All that was left behind were grains of sand. Suddenly, Seungkwan yawned,  and he wanted nothing more than to curl up in his twin bed at the dorms. 

“Well, I should be heading off to bed! Looks like you should be too, Seungkwan,” Jeonghan said, suppressing his own yawn. The freshman nodded in agreement. He definitely needed to rest up— this was going to be a big day, after all. 

“Say hi to Cheol hyung for me when you get home!” Vernon said. 

Jeonghan hummed thoughtfully as he made his way back to the entrance of the store. “I will if he’s there! He didn’t come home last night.” He turned to leave the boys with one last sleepy smile, seeming to laugh at something only he knew. 

“At least one of us is doing something right.” 

“Jihoon, why can’t I get this right?” 

“I’m sorry! This just sounds nothing like you,” Jihoon shrugged. It had been a rather busy morning, but things slowed down as it approached noon, giving him the chance to look at Joohyun’s fourth draft of responses.  “I’ve never heard you say stuff like ‘rad’ or ‘hella’... Like are you aware that you sound like a skater from the late 90’s?” 

“That’s because the reference I’ve been using is from 1997!” Joohyun huffed in frustration. She was already backspacing albeit with a little more force than necessary. “I wasn’t even born in ‘97!” 

“Exactly, so stop trying to write like that. What if you tried to—” 

“Eat my ass, Hong!” The sound of the kitchen door slamming open interrupted Jihoon’s (probably unhelpful) suggestion, and the two best friends watched as Bongseon stormed out of the cafe in a familiar rage. Luckily, there were no customers to witness it this time. 

Instinctively, they looked to the kitchen door, where Joshua stood with a resigned smile on his full lips. “Oops,” he said, scratching at the back of his neck apologetically. “Guess it was too soon to joke about our last break. Sorry about that, Jihoon. I’ll try to call in the head baker early to finish up the rest of the pastries for today.” 

He walked over to where they sat and plopped himself across from Joohyun. She offered Joshua a look of sympathy, but he responded by twisting his face up in a dumb expression, reassuring her that he was just fine. Still,  she couldn’t help feeling worried for both of her friends. No matter how many times Bongseon and Joshua broke it off and no matter how much Joohyun joked about it, she knew that their strong feelings for each other meant that it hurt a little every time they got into a fight. At least, that’s what she gathered from the various nights she spent soothing Bongseon while the girl cried into a toilet bowl, soju bottle still in hand. 

“It’s okay, Josh, you probably don’t have to worry too much. Knowing her, she’ll probably be back in 30 minutes to make up with you and then Jihoon will have to find someone to take over your shift,” Joohyun piped up. “But please take it back to your apartment this time, because I don’t make enough money to have every surface of my apartment sanitized again.” 

Joshua let out an easy laugh, as though he were not a man in deep shit. “Thank you, Joo. You always know what to say to make me feel better,” he sighed. “I should probably go after her. I’ll be back soon, Jihoon!” 

She waited for him to disappear out the door before turning to her best friend. “Wow, that’s gotta be a new record for them, right? I didn’t even know they got back together until this morning.” Joohyun was surprised to find that Jihoon had been silently staring at her for a good minute now. “...Why are you looking at me?” 

“What you said to Joshua,” Jihoon simply replied. 

“Oh, I was only joking about the sanitation thing. I just walked in on them once in the kitchen—“

“No I mean, how you said it. Maybe that’s how you should be writing your responses.” Jihoon grinned, watching as Joohyun gave him that look again, the one where she looks at him like he’s speaking from a third head. But he knew that this was going to be another Jihoon Genius moment, which seemed to be happening more frequently lately, much to his satisfaction. “Like you’re talking to one of your friends. I mean, it made Josh feel better, right?”

Joohyun’s eyebrows scrunched together and she mulled the idea over. Without another word to Jihoon, she began to slowly type on her laptop, gradually tapping faster and faster as she gained momentum. Her best friend giddily returned to his place behind the counter to tend to the customers that just walked in. He knew that once she got into a groove, there was no hope of stopping her. 

An hour later, Joohyun finally pushed away her laptop and waited for Jihoon to finish wiping down a table before calling him over. For some reason, she was anxious to show him the final product and even when he already sat besie her, she hesitated for a beat. Usually, her writing was professional and objective, always ending with a declarative period. She had spent years perfecting her reporting style so that when she presented the facts, that’s all they were. This, however, felt personal, like it was a part of her. And even though Jihoon probably knew her even better than herself sometimes, there was something so vulnerable about showing someone a side of her that she had only just discovered. 

And yet, she was curious to know— desperate to know: was it any good? 

“Well?” Joohyun watched for Jihoon’s reaction closely, both impatient and terrified to hear his thoughts. 

“Joohyun, this...” Jihoon started slowly. She braced for impact. “This is it. I think you’ve found Miss Soju’s voice.”

She exhaled. “R-really?”

“Yes, really. You answered the questions so thoughtfully, so you know it’s not just some generic bullshit you found on the internet. Plus, it was fun to read, like I think I’d read this even if I didn’t send a letter in,” Jihoon gushed, all while skimming over the words again. He turned to smile brightly at her, reminding Joohyun of a much younger Jihoon back in their elementary school days. “Most importantly though, it’s so you.”

Joohyun returned the smile, just as brightly. Warmth bloomed in her chest and across her cheeks. “Thanks, Jihoon, I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Honestly, me neither,” Jihoon laughed.

“Um, can I ask you one more thing though?” Joohyun scrolled down to the last two entries, both of which asked for advice on how to make things official with a guy they’ve been talking to. The two letters were extremely similar in detail, but had been sent from two different emails and two different signatures. At first, she thought that maybe her judgement was muddled by her lack of sleep, and as the day went on, she figured her inability to recognize any nuance between the two letters was thanks her lack of experience. 

There was just something about the way they had described the boy. She knew that  intelligent, funny, kind-hearted, and unbelievably handsome were pretty generic adjectives. But what were the odds for both letters to also mention his infectious laugh and deep, dark eyes? “Do you think these two are from the same person? I’m trying to go for a confession theme for this article, so I included them both, but I’m afraid they’re too similar.” 

Jihoon read them over a couple of times, then shrugged. “They do sound pretty similar, but a lot of people go through that sort of thing. Also, so many people describe their crushes like that, but let’s be real, most of them end up being fuckboys. So trust me, both those people probably need your help. I mean, what’s the harm in publishing both, right?” 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Joohyun bit her lip, needing every ounce of reassurance she could get from her best friend. She read over her writing once, twice, thrice more. This was it. No more edits and no more excuses. Her finger hovered over the mousepad. “Okay, I”m going to send it in for approval now. Jihoon, you are about to witness me publish my first article for The Front.” 

Joohyun took a deep breath and clicked. Finally.

#caratwritersclub #seventeen #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fanfic #seventeen imagines #jihoon scenarios #woozi scenarios #joshua scenarios #joshua hong #seungkwan scenarios #seungkwan #vernon scenarios #vernon chwe #jeonghan scenarios #jeonghan #pour.up #dj.woozi #soju.queen #mu.eros #theater.kid #chewing.gum

[legacyofabsolutewalnuts]

Is there probably a canon way that Theron gets a hold of the Outlander’s ship? Yeah. Do I remember it? No. So my personal headcanon is that Bel’s crew tried to keep it between them until about two years or so into the war with the Eternal Empire when Vector returned to the hive, and Lokin finally had to go to ground. I think Lokin would have cleared out the ship for the most part, and then handed it over to Theron for safe keeping, because it’s Lokin, and he absolutely knew Lana and Theron were going after Bel. More importantly, in my personal headcanon, Bel sent Gertrude, his service akk dog, back to the Phantom when he realized he might not be coming back from Marr’s flagship, so now Theron has her to contend with. Anyways, consider this a part of the whole fic I suppose I’ll eventually write, set sometime after all that, and before they get Bel out of carbonite. Under the cut bc I’m a wordy bish

There was thumping somewhere in the ship and Theron cursed under his breath, hand going to his blaster instinctively. Silence reigned for a long moment, then another thump, and then claws scrabbling.

Right. Gertrude. Of course. Theron relaxed a little, made sure the ship was on autopilot and then turned to go tromping down the hallway. "What? I fed you, I tried to pet you, I gave you treats while trying to pet you. What else do you want?"

She barked at him. Loudly, from further in the ship. And then continued barking as he found her. 

"Okay! Got it! What do you want?"

She was looking at him with absolute derision. Which was not surprising. She'd barely tolerated him when he'd first met Belville on Manaan, and finally on Ziost she'd at least allowed him to touch Belville without looking like she was thinking about biting him. 

They'd gone back to her occasionally looking at him like a snack. Which was probably fair. 

She was standing at the door to Captain's quarters and Theron grimaced. "He's not in there. Sorry."

She gave him one more baleful look, and then continued scratching at the door. Theron turned to let her be when she gave the most pitiful whine he'd probably ever heard. He held still for a minute as the whining continued, and made a face as he finally turned back and palmed the panel. "Fine then, go-"

It was locked. Which he should have expected. And it was more ridiculous that he actually spent a half hour trying to get in, eventually ending up cross-legged on the floor, the entire control pad dismantled and surrounded by wires and bits of metal.

For a dog. He was doing this for a dog. And his own burning curiosity.

Gertrude hadn’t actually left, instead nosing her way into the mess but kept her muzzle well away from any live wires without needing the command, which was appreciated. She still didn’t seem that impressed with him, but Theron decided it was worth counting being in a shared space as a win for longer than five minutes as a win.

It hadn’t even crossed his mind to send Gertrude with Lokin, if he was to take Bel’s ship, it only made sense for her to stay with the ship. She’d meant too much to Belville for Theron to contemplate separating her from what remained of Bel. And then he’d had to spend a day with her, attempting to feed her, and find out she’d been trained to use a toilet. Which was...fascinating. And said a lot about Belville, really.

It was nearly an hour, and probably the longest Theron had taken to break into anything in a long time when the door finally slid open. Gertrude went scrambling into the room as he fell back, mostly without control to lay on the floor and groan. Cipher or not, no one could ever be allowed to know exactly how long it had taken him to crack Bel’s security.

Gertrude was making noise deeper in the room, snuffling around in the room and Theron sighed, slowly getting up and following her inside. “I know, I’m sorry, he’s not- oh.”

She had shoved herself into the closet, pulling down clothes and was currently turning circles in an amongst Bel’s clothes. He watched for a moment until she settled in, burying her nose into one of Bel’s sweaters and whining softly. Theron swallowed and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Ya. I know. I wish he were too.”

She whined once more and fell quiet and Theron let her be, scanning the room quietly.

It didn’t look like it had been entered since Bel’s disappearance. Or if it had been, someone had put it back together expertly, which seemed more likely, although he’d be forever annoyed if Lokin had gotten into Bel’s quarters faster than he had. But everything looked as  he remembered, when he’d caught a ride with Bel from Rishi to Yavin 4, although he probably could have paid more attention to the surroundings and less attention to the man that had been under him.

He took a seat on the bed for a lack of anything else to do, leaning forward to rest elbows to knees. The air was stale enough in the room that no one had been in it recently, and he couldn’t smell much more than that, but there was something oddly comforting about being in a space Bel had owned so thoroughly, and whatever smell remained on his clothes was clearly enough for Gertrude if Theron could be any judge of her snuffling.

A part of him wanted to begin rifling through Belville’s things, the part that had been SIS for so long. He doubted Bel had left any immediate intelligence simply sitting around, but there were things he could learn about the man from the things he had left behind. Some other part of him just wanted to look for pieces of the man that had left them all behind. Something that would feel a bit more real than the ghost they were chasing that he was hoping was a bit more substantial than it felt.

It wasn’t as though he didn’t believe Lana, and didn’t want to get Bel back, and didn’t trust that Bel had come back from worse. But it was beginning to feel a lot like they were looking to resurrect a pipedream. It would have been nicer to have Bel here now, probably very annoyed that his room had been broken into by SIS. Nicer to have someone who’d stepped up against impossible odds like this before at their side. 

Really, it just would have been nice to just have him there, possibly get to see him one more time before the Eternal Empire wiped them all out. 

If Lana was right, then it would be decently rude for Bel to come back and find out not only had his room been broken into, Theron had also gone rifling through his things. He kept his hands to himself. It was odd to think he’d only been in here once before, and even at that, Bel had kept him thoroughly distracted to prevent any snooping. Still, there was enough of the man left in the room it felt like he ought to walk back in a moment later. That presence wasn’t one that he could forget. Even if Bel himself pretended not to be aware of the effect he sometimes had on people.

He wanted to say he didn’t miss Bel, but that would have been a lie. It was stupid, considering they had both agreed they weren’t going to work, that they weren’t going to ask each other to do things that would endanger the other, to cross their boundaries to make it work. They had agreed not to even think about asking the other to betray everything the other stood for. He hadn’t wanted to ask Bel to step into danger for him, and Bel had been very clear that he didn’t want Theron attempting to protect him at his own expense, ever.

This could probably be considered a violation of what they’d agreed to. Facing off against the Eternal Empire to get him back was definitely endangering himself for Belville’s sake. But if they failed then Bel would never know, and if they did, then he could handle the lecture later. It was very much a case where Theron hoped he’d have to ask for forgiveness about it.

He’d give a lot of things to be able to ask Bel for forgiveness about this. 

He jumped a little as Gertrude hopped up on the bed, one of Bel’s uniform shirts in her mouth. She circled for a moment or two, then unceremoniously shoved her head under his arm and into his lap. Theron huffed out a half-hearted laugh and scratched beneath the armoured ridges over her back. She settled down on his lap and rumbled happily.

“Ya, I know. I’ll get him back for you. Promise.”

#swtor #my writing #swtor oc #pre-kotfe #Cipher Nine/Theron Shan #Imperial Agent #Belville/Theron Shan #I think I'll do the bit with Bel's family showing up next #or something with my wrath or Consular

[frighthouseofalighthouse]

History Asks: 2, 3, 7, 8, 19, 29, & 61, please!

Hi! This is late I’m so sorry!

2: Favorite underrated historical figure?

Julie D’Aubigny! Click the link to read about her bisexual dueling antics.

3: Funniest historical kerfuffle?

All the ways the CIA and others tried to assassinate Fidel Castro. Here is a link to the wikipedia page because it’s so fucking wild. One time he was at a hotel and put his shoes outside the door to be polished and they put hair loss powder in his shoes thinking it would make his mustache fall out and no one would respect him anymore.

7: Which time period would you like to live in?

I’m taking this as completely ideally, barring lack of medical knowledge or misogyny or homophobia etc. So either late Victorian England or oh just please take me back to the revolutionary war.

8: Favorite tv show based on historical events, but not really faithful to real life?

My top 4 are Outlander, Black Sails, TURN: Washington’s Spies, and Ripper Street.

19: If you could travel back in time and kill anyone, who would it be?

Listen I’m not a fan of these questions when people are like “I’d kill Hitler” etc. bc butterfly effect, BUT

The British officer who shot John Laurens can CATCH THESE MF HANDS

29: Rant about your favorite topic.

Ohhhhh I don’t know if you’re ready for this. I have so many favorite topics. so here’s what I’m gonna do. Remember the other history ask I answered with the question about the presidential assassinations? I had spent an hour and a half writing a whole thing about the background of Lincoln’s assassination before I realized it wasn’t needed in order to answer the question about the repercussions. So here’s that plus the thing about the repercussions that I was leading into.

“ John Wilkes Booth was a well-known confederate sympathizer, and though he himself never joined the confederate army, he had many contacts within the disastrously put together confederate government and secret service. Since 1864, Booth had been forming a plan similar to one put forth by Confederate Secret Service member and Virginia Tech president Thomas Nelson Conrad. A plan to kidnap Union President Abraham Lincoln. Conrad’s plan was approved and they sent a team of men after Lincoln, but the mission was soon abandoned because Lincoln’s security was too tight. Unlike Conrad’s plan, Booth’s was to get the president at a moment of vulnerability outside the White House - and to kidnap key members of his cabinet as well, ransoming them for Confederate prisoners. However, after seeing an April 11th speech in which Lincoln promoted giving Blacks the right to vote, Booth decided to assassinate him instead. The next day, April 12th, the Union victory over Richmond and the Confederate army’s surrender was announced, making kidnapping a moot point anyway. On the morning of April 14th, Booth went to get his mail at Ford’s Theatre, where he was an occasional stage actor, and the owner’s brother started bragging to him that Lincoln and his wife would be attending a play there that night. He knew it was the best chance he had, and he arranged for a getaway horse to be waiting for him, and for his co-conspirators to assassinate Vice President Andrew Johnson and Secretary of State William Seward at their respective homes. By targeting Lincoln and the next two successors to the presidency, it’s clear that Booth intended to chop the heads off the Union government, throwing it from post-war victory into chaos, giving the Confederates a chance to reorganize and rally their remaining forces. Union Commander in Chief Ulysses Grant was supposed to attend the play as well, but he and his wife decided last minute to visit relatives instead. At 10:14 that night, during the second act of the play, Booth snuck into the presidential box and shot Lincoln in the back of the head. His escape was cut off by the man who had come in Grant’s stead - Major Henry Rathbone. Booth stabbed him, jumped over the balcony to the stage, and raised his knife, yelling “Sic Semper Tyrannis.” (Thus Always to Tyrants, which Brutus is alleged to have said after killing Caesar. Also the state motto of Virginia.) Then he and his co-conspirators ran, having failed to kill Johnson and Seward. (The guy supposed to kill Seward only managed to non-fatally stab him, DESPITE THE FACT THAT SEWARD WAS BEDRIDDEN BECAUSE OF A CARRIAGE ACCIDENT. The guy who was supposed to kill Johnson chickened out and got drunk instead. Which sucks because...well, you’ll see.) Lincoln died just after seven the next morning. The secret service and Union army caught up to him and the others and killed booth. The eight other conspirators were sentenced to life in prison. Then Johnson was sworn in as president. 17th president Andrew Johnson is regarded as one of the worst presidents in history, and is one of 3 presidents to be impeached - the only one who actually left office as a result. He had an anti-black stance that went against everything Lincoln stood for, opposing the 14th amendment and every other bill that would grant civil rights to freed slaves. Back then, the rule was still that the runner-up in the presidential race was VP, so the President and VP were opposing parties, which is actually smart and kept power from becoming too imbalanced and corrupt in either direction. The stances of the parties were essentially the opposite of what they are now, as well, so Lincoln as a Republican was far more liberal than Johnson. Southern states rejoining the union re-elected many of their old leaders and the strong rights of individual states that fanned the early flames of the war allowed them to pass anti-black laws that deprived freed slaves in their individual states of the rights to which the Emancipation Proclamation entitled them. Congressional Republicans (read: liberals) who still held the majority, refused to accept senators from those states, and wrote legislation to overrule them. Johnson vetoed them all, and Republican (read: liberal) congress overruled him right back, and this pattern went on for the rest of the administration. Sound familiar, anybody? So much of his cabinet spoke out against him and he fired so many of them that Congress restricted his ability to fire people. He continued trying to impeach the Secretary of War who had put out a reward for Booth’s capture, electing to go down causing as much chaos as he could, and was impeached as a result. Essentially, if Lincoln hadn’t been killed, Johnson would never have been president, and the transition from war to reconstruction wouldn’t have been as awful as it was. Congress wouldn’t have been distracted by Johnson’s antics and would have been able to focus on sending aid to suffering rural areas and rebuilding the country. The lack of aid to rural areas gave an upper hand to urban areas, hence, companies. This is when corporations started to get their foot in the door and tip the scales in favor of higher populated areas/more wealthy areas. So “democratic-republicanism” which favored stronger states rights instead of central government, because they thought it would be “better for farmers and rural communities,” actually led to the alienation and starving out of farmers and rural communities. Hmm, almost like it was never a valid stance to begin with. The Democratic Republicans, back in the Hamilton-era days, weren’t even a proper political party. They had to scramble for a stance that made sense, because they were originally called the Anti-federalists, and their ONLY stance was to oppose the Federalists because they (Thomas Jefferson mainly) hated Hamilton. BUT THAT IS ITS OWN RANT. Anyway. We are still in the Reconstruction period. If it weren’t for Booth, it’s likely that we would have made it further than this.” END RANT

61: Favorite ancient civilization?

Oh I am such a sucker for the Greeks.

THANKS FOR THIS AND SORRY IT TOOK ME LIKE A WEEK TO GET TO IT.

[cherubsoda]

!!!!! 38 for Medic and/or 41 for Dante! [DC] (I'm not even putting this on anon why am I leaving my signature lmao)

ok so i went ham for no reason @dizzycoyote i apologize,,, this was supposed to be a doodle yikes,, also i wrote a fat fic for it so ,, its like my first time writing a real fic? sucks fr bro

hruggnn tagging @tibbygetsrekt, @sundewsunset and @heartstringsymphoniesbc i am,,, gay

under the cut

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HakfW2av-gRiemn39g8cVh8wKG8cFOXVH6u-mo9OF28/edit?usp=sharing

Medic 38: reunited/ “haven’t seen you in a while”

I shake my head, finding myself spacing out again. A few more transfers and I’ll be there… I have time to think. Old thoughts started resurfacing, things I haven’t thought of in months. How was he? I would give anything to hear from him again - to see him again. I don’t think we would need to speak; being next to each other again would be enough. ‘I wondered if he’s ever thought about me…’ I shifted to get comfortable. 

‘I’ll just rest my eyes’, 

I can remember what it was like before you left,

———

“- a job where they’ll let me practice what I please!”

My eyes shifted up from my plate to look at you — you’re practically ready to spring up on your feet, excitement evident on your face and in your voice, I smiled,

“That sounds perfect for you! When do you start?”

I saw the curl of your lips twitch and the corner of your eyes crinkle,

“Ah, in a couple of months — the beginning of spring — I begin a ‘test trial’ at this…establishment. Bah, there is just so much to prepare…” you trailed off and turned your gaze upon a suddenly interesting looking glass. I tilted my head a bit and raised my hand to catch your gaze again,

“I’ll help you pack or plan- whatever you need, I’ll do it with you!”

I smiled when I stumbled over my words, hoping that it did enough to distract you from seeing the sadness on my face or hear the hurt that I felt. I seemed to forget my woes for a moment when you smiled up at me again, 

“Thank you, my friend”

———

We began packing a couple days later — I came over early and we packed away the trinkets you couldn’t bear to part with and we laughed while boxing the ones to give away. I wonder if you still have them. Minutes turned to hours and morning turned to midday. I looked at the clock hanging on your wall: 4:37. We agreed that we’ve done enough for today and went to a diner a few blocks away. The meal was quiet, a few comments here and there, but you were quiet. I couldn’t help but wonder what you were feeling. ’Probably just tired from all the packing … or maybe he’s actually upset that I called that ceramic piece was ugly … maybe he’s just as sad that he has to leave-‘. I downed the rest of my water.

You drove me home, walked me to the door and said good night. You didn’t leave until I waved out my window.

———

I plopped down on one of the armchairs you were taking,

“I think it’s time for a break,”

A month passed and the majority of your things were packed and ready to be shipped off.

“I think we’re both stressed from all, this” I gestured to the boxes stacked around us. It’s been on my mind for a while, “Let’s visit some of your favorite places before you leave” I suggested “make some new memories to take with you.” You straighten your back and let out a sigh,

“I suppose you’re right about a break,” you massaged the bridge of your nose,“but what place did you have in mind?” you looked at my slumped over form,

“Anywhere.” 

“Anywhere?”

I sat up straight and watched you reminisce.

———

We went to the museums you promised you’d visit one day, walked through the gardens in the heart of Stuttgart, you got me drunk at your favorite bar, watched plays you never thought you’d see, and we sat in parks you had played at when you were younger. I listened as you rambled on about what changed and what stayed the same — I stood aside when you ran into an old classmate — when they introduced their wife and daughter to you, I smiled and looked away. 

———

Your departure inched closer and closer. I think you could sense my desperation, my fear — but you never said anything if you did. You promised to call or write to me when you had the time. You reassured me that you’d visit during holidays and would keep me in your thoughts all the time. You walked me to my door and waited for me to wave. But you didn’t say goodnight.

Just a couple more weeks until you leave.

You spent a week with your family. 

Just about a week left until you leave.

You came home exhausted.

Just a few more days until you leave.

“Did you get to see and do everything on your list?”

We sat on a park bench, the cool winter air sent a shiver down my spine. I turned to look at you, a bittersweet smile adorned your lips paired with a wistful look clouded your eyes — I wondered what you were feeling, maybe for too long; your mouth moved but I couldn’t hear you, as you grabbed my hands and led me back to your car. We drove, and we parked, then you finally turned to me and spoke,

“We’re here,” voice low and soft, I peered out my window and saw my porch, my door, my house…

You opened the car door and led me up the steps, my gloved fingers fumbled with my keys, I finally managed to find the right key and push the door open. We’re greeted by Archimedes’ enthusiastic chirps.

“I think they’ll miss you the most,” I giggled, walking over and opening the cage. The white dove happily hopped onto my finger and made its way up on my shoulder,

You let out a soft chuckled as he flew to your shoulder instead, “Do you really think so?” you asked while petting his side.

“They were always very fond of you…” arms crossed, head slightly tilted. I smiled “Take him with you.”

Your eyes quickly found mine across the room, staring at me; a confused, worried look flashed across your face.

“What are you talking about?” it seemed like Archimedes was looking at me the same way you did,

“Please, take him. He always liked you better,” I teased, pacing a bit “besides, it’s the least I can give you as a — a going away gift.” I tried to smile, my voice cracked and I wish you didn’t hear it.

You sent me a bittersweet smile from where you stood,

“My friend, will you miss me?” you asked as if you were waiting your whole life to get it out. I let out a sob. Of course I will.

———

That night, you drove. Parked. Led me up the steps. You walked inside with me. You didn’t wait for me to stand by my window and wave, so, I cried. I cried and you held onto me and spoke in hushed tones and made promises I wish you had kept. You stayed the night because this time you’d be saying goodbye instead of goodnight. 

———

My mind was blank but racing at the same time. Archimedes’ made no noise in his cage — I promised I’d see him off, so I called a taxi and drove to the train station. The ride was brief but gave me time to think: I wanted to apologize for that night; how awful I must’ve made him feel. I paid the fare and waited for you to arrive.

You pulled up in a similar taxi and I helped you with your luggage. I gently put the dove on a bench and we stood there watching trains that weren’t yours rush by.

Everything that I wanted to say couldn’t wait any longer but there will never be a perfect moment to tell. I will never be brave enough. I’m grateful it’s winter; to excuse my shaking shoulders and hands; grateful that the trains blew my hair every which way to cover my warming face; grateful that the cold, nipping air stopped oncoming tears.

“Why didn’t you tell me,”

I glanced up at you, you were watching as people trickled out of the train,

“I don’t know what you’re talking about-” 

“That you were going to miss me — that you were this upset,” you cut me off.

I gaped but closed my mouth. How selfish of me to try admit that I’d miss my one friend here.

“I’m sorry,” I shook and mumbled out in the cold air “I’m sorry for getting so worked up that night. I just — I’ll miss you I didn’t want to say it because…” I don’t think you could hear me or cared. I bit my lip.

How selfish would I be if I said I loved him so much I felt like I was being torn apart?

“Do not miss me.”

My eyes snapped up, this time you were looking at me, a smile in your eyes,

“You make it sound like I’m dying!” you laughed, a real laugh. “I will always be a phone call away, my friend, remember that,” and your smile widened as you put a gloved hand on my shoulder. I let out a choked sob and you held me.

I wish I had said I loved you, that you had leaned in so I could meet you half way. But how could I confess when I knew this was your dream? That I was the reason you got held back-, I cut my thoughts off when your train arrived; I shifted my weight. I passed Archimedes over to you with care — I suppose it was a foolish dream of mine to be with you. This time I waited until you were inside. You stood by the window and you smiled and waved. I finally said goodbye.

———

I wake up with a sudden jolt. I look around and ran a hand down my face

‘I dozed off… I must’ve been exhausted.’ 

After a couple more stops, a ‘ding’ signified I’m at my stop and brought me out of my sleepy daze. I quickly gathered my belongings and trudged out the train station. I checked my watch for the time; 9:17am, ‘hopefully I make it in time’. I take a taxi to another nearby town, some place that seems more desolate, more… rustic I suppose. ‘They should be here any second now.’ I look around at the stores nearby, when something bumped into my shoulder. I jumped, throwing my hands up and taking a few steps back; white feathers clouded half of my vision. I gingerly put a pair of fingers under its feet and turned to face it, hoping it doesn’t attack again. The bird - dove - begins crooning, pecking at my hair, 

“Archimedes?” ”Archimedes!” a distant yell overlapped my voice, other voices followed but were drowned out by the approaching man’s voice,

“There you are Archimedes! You shouldn’t fly off like that!” he scolds, “Ah haa, so sorry about-” his sheepish smile drops as he makes eye contact with me,

“Ludwig…?” I let out a surprised laugh, “Wha-“

“Schatz, what are you doing here?!” He takes a step back and quickly looks at me, he shifts around a bit, unsure what to say, “Why - How —“

I couldn’t help but stare. How long has it been since I’ve seen him? His hair is greying much more than before, his cheeks sunken in a bit more, the worry creases on his brow deepened, but he - he’s stayed the same. What about me? I must look like a mess - freshly woken up after a who knows how long train ride, my hair unbrushed and —

“Lay, you’re crying,” his accented voice gently pulled me away from my thoughts; I haven’t heard my name used so tenderly in years. I didn’t realized that he had slightly bent down to look at me. My tears ran freely. I let him wipe them away and took in a deep breath. I let my forehead rest against his cheek, while he held my hand in his, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. He gently nuzzled his cheek against my hair and placed a kiss on the crown of my head; letting out a soft laugh that shook his chest when slid my hand over his shoulder to the back of his neck. He finally leaned in and I met him half way. I closed my eyes and I can remember what it was like before you left.

#self shipping #tf2 #self ship #self insert #medic #cowboybenoit #anyways...that was gay #dizzycoyote #s: the way to a man's heart #my writing #sadly... #shits and doodles #thank you for the ask!! sorry it took so long its... 440 in hawaii i wanted to finish this fic before bed but so yeah #shifty eyes please dont shame me in my own home ajsjdj #ugh this is literally my first fic #is this the au where i give medic archimedes instead? yes #the sad au is that we'll never see each other again and hes just like 'ah yes my fondness of doves stems from an old friend of mine' #yikes!! #what am i during in germany you ask? well... *runs out of this ask*

[cynoirsure]

imagine | pjm

pairing — jimin x (older female!) reader

word count — 1,191

genre — fluff

summary — jimin wants to pamper and take care of you since he’s not busy, because he loves you

warnings/tags — none!

a/n — happy birthday paige (@praisingpjm)!

(a/n cont): this was inspired by the ariana grande song and at first i was just gonna write it and gift it to you out of nowhere bc you love both jimin & ari but i figured this would be better :-) sorry this fic doesn’t do the song justice or jimin at this point, hope your day is wonderful and filled with the wonderful maknaes of bts but especially the galaxy of stars that jimin holds in his eyes 💫

11:30 PM

[From: Chim ♡] Babe

[From: Chim ♡] Are you awake?

[From: Chim ♡] I have the day off tomorrow!!

[From: Chim ♡] So I wanna come over tonight and see you :(

[From: Chim ♡] I miss you :((

Your boyfriend’s insistent texting kept popping up on the corner of your screen, snapping you out of your paper. You were working on your essay due next week and you were suddenly feeling inspired to write it, but when his text tone started going off, you lost your train of thought. After a few minutes of trying to get it back, you really couldn’t think straight anymore. Not when your notifications had the small red button from your boyfriend’s messages.

11:38 PM

[To: Chim ♡] You just saw me two hours ago, what do you mean you miss me?

[From: Chim ♡] You mean you don’t miss me every second we’re apart?

[From: Chim ♡] How rude!! :(

[From: Chim ♡] I’m kidding!! But I miss you so

[From: Chim ♡] I’m coming over in 15 with pad thai :))

You rolled your eyes, a small smile coming to your face. He knew that you didn’t have work the next day, so it wasn’t a problem for either of you to hang out till he left. Not to mention, even if he had just distracted you from your work, Jimin is also good to work alongside when you wanted the time to study.

11:42 PM

[To: Chim ♡] As in the fine words of Mr. Offset

[To: Chim ♡] “y’all won”

[From: Chim ♡] :))))))))))))

[To: Chim ♡] Shouldn’t you be driving??

You shook your head, a grin appearing on your face from your last text. Jimin probably kept that as his automatic reply when he was driving, but it wasn’t impossible that it was written out by him. You shut your computer, getting your house semi-clean, even if he’s been over multiple times and told you all the time that it was okay if it was messy.

—

If you were honest with yourself, you couldn’t remember what life was like before you began to sneak around with Jimin. Jimin’s personality was something super comforting to have around, especially during your hardest times. That’s probably how you two ended up together, through thick and thin.

As time progressed, you two had less and less time together, so even if you had just complained to him about the late notice of him coming over, you didn’t mind. Jimin had good intentions, especially about just pampering his girlfriend.

You appreciated it, you really did. You were so deep in thought about the small things that your boyfriend did that you didn’t even hear him come into your apartment, or even the rustling of the paper bag from your favorite Thai place down the street. It wasn’t until you felt arms snake around your waist that you snapped out of your trance, only to smile at the familiar warmth and lean back into him. Jimin’s melodious chuckles filled your ears and you couldn’t help but relax, listening to him hum for a little.

“I’m home~” Jimin sang into your ear, spinning you around in his arms and smiling brightly when you made eye contact with him. “And! I got your favorite, good thing that place is open till 4, right? Sadly, they ran out of the regular drinks, hopefully bubly is good? It’s better than La Croix, in my personal opinion.” You couldn’t help but smile at your boyfriend, hiding your face in his neck. He laughed at your sudden movement, combing his fingers through your hair.

You two spent the first hour of the next day eating your pad thai on the floor of your apartment and listening to the radio. Jimin always sang under his breath along with the radio, making you tune in and when you would perk up to him, he’d feed you the thin rice noodles that were under the two of you.

You kinda felt bad, though. You couldn’t fully focus on your boyfriend and he could sense your uncertainty. He closed the food, looking at you curiously. You shifted a little in place, looking up to his curious eyes.

“Do you wanna take a bath? You look tired.” Jimin said quite gently, reaching out to stroke your cheek. You leaned into his touch, pouting a little and nodding. Sometimes, you forgot that you were older than him, but the absence of honorifics was also to back up the fact that you forgot so often. Jimin smiled and kissed your cheek, getting up and going into the bathroom. You trailed behind quietly after cleaning up your floor, watching Jimin run a bath for you. He spun around after sensing you behind him, a smile on his face. Pulling you into the bathroom gently, he was humming a familiar song under his breath, giving you a quick kiss before he pulled away. He began to take off his clothes for the bath, completely unaware of you flushing the brightest red near him.

“Jimin! Why are you stripping? I thought this was a bath for me!” You yelped, rushing to the bath before it started to overflow. You only heard his squeaky laugh before he started tugging your clothes off as well.

“We’re both dirty, and I wanna take care of you!” Jimin exclaimed, making your mouth form a small “o” as he helped you out of your clothes. He snuck a few kisses here and there, and soon enough, you two were in the water, a loofah on your back while the warm water engulfed you and your boyfriend.

After the bath and washing off whatever was left of the dat, you kept catching glimpses of Jimin looking at you, a smile on his face after he’d see you. You two had gone to lie down in your bed, changed in some pajamas that you had reserved for nights when Jimin stayed over. Your head on his chest while he played with your hair, and for a split second, his hand stilled in your hair with a dreamy sigh escaping his mouth.

“You’re so pretty without makeup….” Jimin didn’t realize the words coming out his mouth till they tumbled out, him blushing a light pink. You laughed, kissing his neck once before nuzzling.

“Baby boy is tired, isn’t he? Let’s go to sleep, it’s almost 2 am…” You peered over at the clock near your bed. Jimin hummed once more, shifting so you could be more comfortable on his chest.

You fell asleep to his humming, and right before the slumber had hit you, you heard his declaration of love under his breath:

“I love you, you know that, noona? You’re the stars in my sky, even the sun shakes at how bright you shine in my life. I know we’ll be together in our next life, imagine a world like that, won’t you, noona?”

Jimin pressed his lips against the top of your head once he felt your breathing even out, leaning over and turning off the heart shaped lamp before pulling the warm comforter around you two.

#jimin #park jimin #bts #bangtan #park jimin fanfic #jimin fic #jimin fluff #bts fanfic #bts fic #bts oneshot #bts scenario #jimin oneshot #jimin scenario #IMAGINE ... A WORLD LIKE THAT #i was trying to find my whistle tone register while writing this fic #I CANT FIND IT #BUT ITS FINE I GUESS #anyways HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAIGE IK WE DONT TALK OFTEN #BUT I LOWKEY HAVE POST NOTIFICATIONS ON FOR YOU AND YOU’RE SUCH A LOVELY PERSON #IF ANY ANONS GET U DOWN I’LL KILL THEM FR #ESP TODAY #as a fellow libra i stand in SOLIDARITY with park jimin with protecting you hmmph

[lucifer-kane]

Time To See Kingsie aka 

Don’t look at me but this was real fun to write and totally self indulgent just bc i can

Luca has his head what’s probably nearly half a foot to dipping into the lake as he had his hands dunked into the cool water as he hung off the edge of the dock. It was late enough in the evening that it was still pretty light out that he could see decently, but late enough so that people were starting to head inside for the night. Since the weather wasn’t warm enough just yet for sitting outside well into the night like residents liked to do. As it was getting darker he could feel the scaly back of Kingsie occasionally rubbing up against his fingertips, that brought a smile so his face. She didn’t always come up to greet him, some days it was just this. Him with his hands in the water and her entertaining herself while occasionally brushing up against him.

He smiled as Kingsie reared her big head and pressed the front of her about against his forehead, her breath moving his hair a bit. It was a comforting feeling, she was a creature that while not involved with the void, made him feel more at ease. Maybe it was because he felt special since she didn’t do this with most people, he doesn’t even know if Ron has the same experience with her either.

“How’re you doing tonight girl, have a good day?” Luca asks, knowing the creature couldn’t respond, but he still liked doing it when he comes to visit. Kingsie huffs out a breath of air against his face as she pulls back, Luca makes a face at the smell and shakes his head, laughing a bit. “Yes thank you girl.”

“What the hell?” Luca’s head shoots up from hanging down over the dock, getting a little dizzy as he comes back up, his eyes locking at the man at the end of the dock, Ron Begley himself looking at the scene with wide eyes. At the sound, Kingsie instantly dives beneath the water, some of the water splashing Luca as she goes under. He stands up quickly and waves awkwardly at Ron, who is still standing at the beginning of the dock looking shocked.

“Uh.. hey. I gotta.” Luca takes off, knowing he has to pass by Ron on the way, but he really didn’t wanna jump into the lake to get away, so luckily he’s a pretty fast sprinter and just takes off as far as he can until he’s sure Ron won’t be coming after him or yelling after him.

-

It’s not until nearly a week later that Luca sees Ron again after the whole Kingsie incident, the two of them eating breakfast at Roses diner one morning. Luca half asleep over his pancake puppies in a booth near the back after having not slept the greatest the night before. Ron comes in, shouting out a boisterous hello to everyone working since there were more workers than anyone else in the diner at the moment. Luca did know from past experiences that Ben and Sammy would be here, but Emily and Lily would be there first to eat breakfast with them. He guesses that Ron was invited for this morning, not an uncommon sight.

Luca picked up another pancake ball and popped it into his mouth and almost started coughing on it when Ron dropped a menu across from him, sitting down on the seat across from him. Luca looks up slowly, face a little flushed.

“Uh… Hey?” He folds his hands together in front of him, trying not to fidget that much where Ron could see. He flushed a little deeper when Ron grins a bit.

“Hey there friend. Just. Wanted to talk to you about last week and what I saw on the docks.” Luca feels his shoulders slump a little bit when Ron says that, and he shrugs after a moment.

“It was what it was.”

“You can talk to Kingsie?” He questions. Luca nods.

“On occasion, mostly when she wants to come and see me if I’m around. I know she likes you, you take care of her and she respects that.” Luca explains.

“Would she. Ever be like that with me?” Ron asks and Luca shrugs, giving a small smile.

“Probably, you’d have to give her time. While she respects and trusts you, being from afar is different than right up with her like I do sometimes. If I went with you one evening she might also be chill enough.” Ron is silent for a moment, only broken when a waitress comes and gets his order for breakfast, then he speaks.

“Would you come over tonight to test that theory?”

“Uh. Um… tonight? I think I can do that. Yeah, I’ll help you out.”

“Good! I can make something to eat for the two of us and-“

“No, Ron you really don’t have to do that, I can eat before I come over and all that.”

“Nope! Too bad, I’m making us dinner, we’re gonna have some cold beers on the dock while you talk to Kingsie into seeing me. Okay now?” Luca takes a deep breath and finally nods.

“Fine. Fine. I guess it’s a deal.”

“Good, Good.” Ron winks and his breakfast comes not a minute later and then there’s silence between the two of them as they finish eating what they have.

-

It’s not that the two of them have never interacted before now, they have many times. Ron was one of Lucas first friends when he moved into town, he spent a lot of time fishing on the lake because it was something that would distract him from his night terrors. He still got them sometimes, not as much as before, but with what seemed like upped void activity they were coming back here and there.

Ron found him one night that he was sitting on the docks with a six pack of beer half gone after a particularly bad night terror, two years into him living there. He didn’t say much, just sat down with another six pack of ice cold beer and just sat with him. Which made Luca feel better, even if it was a little bit. He was happy that Ron would just sit with him in a form of comfort than try to talk and make him feel better. But Ron did that too sometimes, when Luca would speak first and say hey or how are you.

It was also nice to see another man who was so confident about himself and who he was, Luca was never really that person, private in all things the majority of the time. He wasn’t ashamed of himself, he just wasn’t loud like Ron was, but he still respected the guy. But he thinks that’s only because he had a stupid crush on the guy, has for probably two years now.

And now he was getting those damn weird butterflies in his stomach like he did in high school when he had a crush on his first boyfriend. He was 35 fucking years old, why was he acting like this at this age. Apparently crushes never really went away no matter how old you were. And now he was at least gonna attempt to make a move, the two had flirted on occasion, with what bad flirting Luca did when he was into a person. And with Ron he was sometimes sure it was flirting, he could easily be wrong. Won’t hurt to try. Or it could. Either way. Luca knew there was gonna be beer and he knew Ron had stuff that didn’t taste like ass that he likes, so that would help him through this a little as well.

-

While eating the two of them kept up idle chat, finishing up and parting ways for the day. They both stopped for a moment together to say hi and good morning to Ben, Sammy, Emily, and Lily which was always nice. He liked the little group and he was glad he got to be friends with them as well through the years. Ben was fun to hang out with, hyperactive and Luca thought for a moment when they first met that Ben was a lot younger than him, but no, Luca was only a year older than the void fanatic.

Luca left before Ron, he was still talking to the group and he went home and instantly crashed on his bed, curling up under his thick blankets for a couple of hours until he got up, finished up some freelance work for a few people, then sat on his couch idling through the internet trying to find something to do until he had to head over to the lake. He scrolled through petfinder and that kicked off a solid 45 minutes. Fuck he wanted a dog. Honestly he might get one, he’s wanted one for a while and his apartment didn’t care, there wasn’t even a pet fee and he was happy about that. Hm. Might as well bookmark a few. Luca was pretty damn drawn to the Alaskan Malamute and Husky mix that was named Finn MacCool. Because who wouldn’t be.

He knocked off another hour of time by calling the owners and foster places for a few of the dogs, giving them information about him and where he lived, etc and all that. It was early but he might as well start heading on over, it was on the other side of town so it would take a nice walk for him, give him time to freak out all the way over.

And that’s what Luca did for the majority of the walk over, playing with the edge of his shirt as he walked and taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself down with what was probably gonna go down during this evening there. He came up on the lake, seeing Ron’s little cabin at the edge, the man in question outside flipping what seems to be burgers on a round charcoal grill. Luca could smell the food cooking as he walked closer, seeing some other stuff on the grill as well, along with the burgers.

“I hope it’s alright if I’m a little early.” He says when gets within earshot of Ron, chuckling a little bit when the guy turns around, smiling when he sees it’s Luca.

“Hey! And of course it’s okay, wasn’t gonna tell you to fuckin leave if you were early.” Ron pulls him into a side hug, laughing. Luca feels his face flush, being pressed up close to the larger man, he chuckles a bit as well.

“Well I would hope not, but yeah. Couldn’t find anything to do really so I just decided to come over a little early. It won't matter either way.”

“So it doesn’t have to be dark out for Kingsie to interact with you?” Ron asks, a teasing lilt to his voice.

“Listen, I’m just mostly nocturnal, I’m up at noon and I go to bed at 4 in the morning, late evening is when I do most stuff. She’s just a little more active in the late evening than anyone else, but I’m sure for you she’d come around.”

“We’ll here’s hoping.” Ron pulls back and walks over to a smaller cooler near the stairs, pulls out two beers from it and hands one over to Luca, using a opener on his belt to take off both lids for them before taking a long swig. Luca follows right behind, doing the same.

They eat half an hour later, burgers with sweet corn from a local farmers market, Luca eating two of them because he hasn’t had corn on the cob that good in so long, and he absolutely loves it. He’s licking butter off his fingers, looking out over the lake as Ron and him sit on the middle of the dock. It was still early in the evening, but the sun was starting to dip in the sky.

“So, you said you’re more of a night owl than anything else, what do you do for work? I never really see you working anywhere in town, unless you work out of it.” Ron asks after finishing his burger, putting his paper plate on the dock next to his chair.

“Mostly freelance work, graphic design and art commissions. Stuff I can do from home, since it’s hard for me to be around other people. My anxiety skyrockets around anyone else that I don’t really know, jobs in high school were hell because I’d work for a few months and then just break down because I got yelled at for one reason or another. Retail wasn’t kind to me. So I do this because it’s easier, and I’m glad King Falls’ cost of living isn’t that high or else I would have to find something else. Have been thinking about an internship at the station, figured that would be pretty easy, just to keep me busy through the day…. Night…. Whatever.” He shrugs, taking a sip of his beer, realizing he basically word vomited for a moment there.

“I’m pretty sure they’d have you, you seem like a good worker when you’ve helped me around here on occasion. And man, if you ever need something, I could always use some help, especially since fishing seasons coming around and some tourists will be coming in from out of town to fish here. It’ll be easy work I’d be glad to give you.” Luca smiles at the offer and turns his head so he can look at Ron.

“I’ll keep that in mind, thank you.”

“Anytime man.” Luca got up after a moment, stretching, his back popping in a few places as he walked over to the edge of the dock and got on his knees, bending over a bit. He reached down and dipped his hand into the water, closing his eyes and feeling out a little bit to see of Kingsie was anywhere near the dock. And with a little bit of luck, she was. She seemed calm and alert to Ron and him, so he sat back up on his knees and looked over his shoulder at Ron.

“Hey. I think she’s around the dock somewhere, I think now is a good time for you to see if she’ll come to you.” Ron stands up and sets his beer down on the dock, sitting down on his knees next to Luca, their thighs pressed up against one another just a little bit. Luca lays down on his stomach and Ron follows suit, following the actions.

Ron dips his hands into the water, remembering what he saw Luca doing a week before. It was a minute of pure silence before Ron looked over at Luca who was leaning on his own arm, his eyes closed as his hands trail around the water slowly, his breathing slow and soft. Ron could easily kiss the damn man right now if he really also didn’t wanna just see Kingsie for the first time up close like she was with Luca the other day.

And he didn’t have to wait long, after what was about another thirty seconds, he felt something brush his fingertips. At first he thought it was a fish or something, but no, the scales were too big feeling and just…. Different in general. Then about five seconds after that, he sees a scaley green head breach the water and in front of him is something he never thought he would see in a long time. She was giant, green scales practically shining in the afternoon light. And her eyes were a bright bright yellow that almost seemed neon. Ron couldn’t help but to laugh nervously and she huffed out of her nose, the breath passing over his face and messing up his hair a little bit.

Ron reaches up slowly and slowly brings his hand close to her face, pressing his hand up against her snout, and is overjoyed when she presses back against his hand. He laughs and runs his fingers over her scales and is just totally enamored for a good five minutes of quietly whispering to her, before she presses her snout against his forehead, then does the same to Luca, who was sitting quietly, watching the two while this was going down. Kingsie leaves after that and dives deep down into the lake once more, tail splashing out of the water for a moment before she’s totally gone.

“That was…. Incredible.” Ron breaths out after a moment, totally overjoyed at the experience. He sits up on his knees before flopping onto his back, arms spread out against the dock as he laughs. “Damn! Never thought I’d see her up close like that! Seeing her far away is one thing, but fuck! That was utterly incredible. Thank you!” He looks over at Luca who has shifted and is sitting on his knees next to Ron, looking down at him with a soft smile. His hair was a pure red this week, while the week before he saw was a deep purple. Wonder how much the guy spent on dye with how much it changed.

“She is sure a sight to see up close. I remember when she showed up to me for the first time, it was only about a year ago, but it was still incredible.” Luca sits down criss cross applesauce on the dock, facing the lake, content look on his face.

They sit there, drinking beer for a couple of hours and just talking to one another, it was nice, and a good way to relax after what seemed like a long week. Ron had been working on the shop, getting things ordered for the upcoming season, and he kind of did hope a lot that Luca would take his offer and take up a job at the shop with him. He’d be able to see him more, he always wanted that, plus the help would be amazing.

The sun was setting and Luca leans against Ron’s shoulder, his half finished beer sitting next to him, now warm from not drinking from it for so long. The sun had set an hour ago, so the only light now was from Ron’s place, bright things so he could see while he was outside. Luca stands up after a moment and stretches, yawning loudly.

“Okay. I’ve had such a good damn time tonight but I’m so tired and wanna get home. We really have to do this again because I can see this becoming a weekly thing if you’re down for that.” Ron stands up and can’t help the yawn that comes from him as well, also having a long day.

“I think that’s a great damn idea. Make it a weekly thing?” Ron grins.

“I think I can do that.” Luca smiles and finally for once he was feeling brave enough, maybe it wouldn’t be bad, if promises of this came for the future, he would really like that. And right now, he had a few beers in him, and was feeling on top of the world because of how happy he seemed to make Ron just by Kingsie coming up to visit him.

Luca stretches up on his toes, curses Ron for a moment for being such a fucking tall bastard, he curls his fingers into the collar of Ron’s flannel, pulling him down a little bit, enough that he can press a firm kiss against the other guys mouth. It probably wasn’t the best, mostly because he hasn’t kissed anyone in over 15 years so he was absolutely rusty as hell. Luca perked up a little bit when Ron’s hands grasp his waist, pulling him a little closer, and god damn, did Ron fucking Begley know how to kiss, and he didn’t wanna stop.

But he did after a moment, his face flushed, and boy was he happy that his hair had been the same red it had been all day because he was so flustered just thinking about this. Luca brushes their noses together for a moment before settling back down on his feet and smiling at Ron.

“I’ll see you later, yeah?” He asks, suddenly shy again.

“Huh… Yeah! Hell yeah of course.” Ron nods, smiling wildly. Luca practically floats home, overjoyed at his own braveness and the evening he’s had.

Luca gets into bed after replying to an email about one of the dogs, setting up an in home meeting later that week and instantly crashes, a pure smile on his face as he does. And so the tradition starts, and never dies.

#kfam sona #my writing

[youleftme-clarke]

Who are your favorite bellarke authors?

I am so glad you asked, nonny, because I have been meaning to do a fic rec! The authors listed below are in no particular order; I just went with whoever came up first on my history on AO3, and included some of my favorite fics by each author!

the_most_beautiful_broom ( @the-most-beautiful-broom​ )

Drops of Gold Like Sparks | Rated G | 7,682 words

Coffee Shop AU. Whenever their apartment is too quiet, Clarke and Madi settle into a local coffee shop to catch up on work and homework. Clarke steps outside to answer a call, and Madi asks the most erudite-looking person within shouting distance for help with her history homework.

Room 337 | Rated T | 22,609 words | 5/5 chapters

Hospital AU. Clarke broke Bellamy’s heart; she knows that. She also knows that even though she had her reasons, he never heard them. It takes Octavia being in a motorcycle crash and being rushed into Clarke’s O.R. for the two of them to finally reconcile their differences.

verbaepulchellae ( @verbam​ )

Sugar, Let Me Be Your Passenger | Rated E | 58,829 words | 7/? chapters

“Don’t you think there should be some cosmic rule,” Clarke says, leaning back against the counter as well and contemplating her glass. “That when you suffer through a bad date, the world owes you a blow job?”

Bellamy chokes on his wine, and Clarke helpfully pats him on the back as he splutters. “Jesus, Clarke. Warn a guy.”

“What? I’m trying to commiserate with you,” Clarke laughs. “Wouldn’t that be the ultimate?”

“Well, sure,” Bellamy says, a little flustered. “Cosmically owed orgasms sound like a pretty good deal to me. There’s just the small catch that most bad dates don’t lead to sex.”

Encased In Case I Need It | Rated M | 37,063 words | 5/? chapters

Her friends have finally come back to Earth. It’s been six years. Somethings have changed more than others.

theoneinquisitor ( @octannibal-blake​ )

when there’s nothing left to burn | Rated M | 2,677 words | 1/? chapters

The first time she meets Bellamy Blake, he’s spitting blood into a dirty bathroom sink somewhere on the outskirts of Polis. Or: the angsty bellarke boxing fic literally no one asked for.

now i’m running, and i can’t stop anywhere i go | Rated T | 7,034 words

He’s just the boy who conquers his fears and could conquer the world. She’s the girl who can’t get on the ride. A Modern Bellarke AU.

HawthorneWhisperer ( @hawthornewhisperer​ )

there’s an art to life’s distractions | Rated E | 14,585 words | 4/4 chapters

Bellamy needs a place to live for a few months and Clarke has a spare bedroom.

What could go wrong?

it’s been said many times, many ways | Rated M | 18,311 words | 5/5 chapters

A Hallmark Christmas Movie-esque AU, featuring: Clarke as the big city business woman trapped in a small town for incredibly contrived reasons! Bellamy as the surly-but-good-hearted bookstore owner who takes her in! A bookstore with a name that’s also a Latin pun! Madi being adorable! A gift swap and mistletoe! Bedsharing for even more contrived reasons! And more.

not_a_total_basket_case ( @raven-reyes-of-sunshine )

I Want To Fall In Love (With The Stars In Your Eyes) | Rated T | 42,543

This is going to be a whole bunch of relatively short one-shots/drabbles. Probably, but not definitely, going to be all Bellarke. Also they’ll probably all be modern day.

Friends First | Rated T | 3,936 words

“Fine.” Bellamy all but snaps, turning to face Miller and trying to keep his exasperation at bay. “I’ll tell her.”

“You better.” Miller says, wiping the counter down, while Bellamy counts the tills. They’re closing up the bar and Miller has spent the last three hours trying to convince Bellamy to just tell Clarke how he feels. That he’s basically been in love with her since they met six months ago. Even if all they did was fight initially, he was doing it for an excuse to talk to her. He’s never really been great with his feelings.

“I will.” Bellamy says, holding up his phone so Miller can see the screen. “I just texted her to tell her I need to talk to her.”

selflessbellamy ( @selflessbellamy )

Just Another Graceless Night | Rated E | 8,785 words

Clarke Griffin is the newest member of the Alternative Rock band, The Delinquents , but in the band they have one (1) rule:

“Everyone hates Bellamy Blake.”

Of course, Clarke didn’t know this when she slept with him… That complicates things a bit.

You took a polaroid of us | Rated T | 3,767 words

Roadtrip AU: Two weeks after Clarke loses father to cancer, her boyfriend Bellamy decides that it’s time for her to get out of her room

asroarke ( @asroarke )

Only Once | Mated M | 9,963 words

If Clarke could date, he was exactly who she would be going for. He’s smart, funny, a little too cute for his own good… He always managed to say the sarcastic thing that Clarke was already thinking. And he understood her curse, possibly even more than Wells did since he actually had one. He was sweet to her when he needed to be. He teased the hell out of her and loved to pick fights with her, but he knew when to be supportive. And when he praised her for something, she genuinely believed he meant every word.

Bellamy Blake was exactly who she would want in a world where she wasn’t cursed… which was why she needed to steer clear of him.

A Modern AU where Clarke Griffin has a curse. Anyone that she says the words “I love you” to will die. The only logical thing to do is to just swear off dating… or at least, that was the plan until Bellamy Blake walked into her life.

Diamond Heart | Rated M | 11,801 words

The Country Music fic where Bellamy can totally handle Clarke’s fake relationship with Finn Collins. He is not jealous at all. The songs he writes just coincidentally happen to make it sound like he’s jealous.

marauders_groupie ( @marauders-groupie )

Kept Going, Kept Rolling with Nowhere to Go | Rated M | 7,365 words

Clarke Griffin meets Bellamy Blake on her third night in Spain and she blames sangria and travelling for what happens after.

A Cup of Coffee, a Sandwich and You | Rated T | 1,820 words

Bellarke + “You give me a different fake name every time you come into the coffee shop and I just want to know your real name bc ur cute but here I am scrawling “Batman” onto your stupid cappuccino”

islabbe ( @blueshirtbell )

We’re On Thin Ice (We Might As Well Dance) | Rated G | 16,417 words

Finn is disqualified from competing and Clarke needs a new ice dance partner fast! Luckily, Marcus knows just the man for the job.

That’s a Wrap | Rated T | 4,097 words

Clarke owns a gift wrapping shop. Bellamy is terrible at wrapping and of course he leaves it until the last minute on Christmas Eve to bring it to Clarke’s shop.

Willaphyx ( @rebelprincebell )

Things We Shouldn’t Do | Rated T | 92,654 words | 8/8 chapters

Clarke is at the bottom of a downward spiral and Bellamy is riding an all-time career high when they’re cast as the leads of Marcus Kane’s newest drama. The entertainment world expects a blowup of immense proportions between the two feuding actors but get a hard to explain romance instead. Or: a fake dating celebrities AU.

#bellarke #bellarke fanfiction #bellarke fanfic #fic rec #there are so many more #but i love these guys

[tango-uniformed]

Attica! Attica!

This sucks but I like Attica as a neurotic republican politician. Idk how to write Leon being mute or whatever I just gave him a stutter bc...communication. Also I dearly wanted Serena to have a solid place in the cast so I was like, what the hell, she can be on Attica’s staff. Idk if she should have an important position like campaign manager or something but rn she’s just an assistant. Also since this is Attica’s POV Serena is less funny and Leon is idk more caring than he actually is bc she perceives them that way (Serena is actually funny and Leon is actually a dick)

Its funny because I’m pretty sure Attica is going to be the “good guy” on the protagonists side and help them and Milo is going to end up being a terrifying source of trouble for everyone. Also I was like ok and rolled the ethnicity dice and was like the Kings can be Chinese and the surname King was changed by their grandfather from Qing when their family really started grabbing power, and then was like ok Serena’s adopted but she’s of Iranian origin (guess that means Danny is too)

$$$$$

Attica King averaged 4 hours of sleep a night. And that was if she was lucky.

Looking at twitter was giving her heart palpitations, but what was she supposed to do, 5 weeks before the Midterm elections? Her numbers guy said that her district would re-elect her by a large margin-- it was red. It had always been red. It wasn’t like that hippie freak who was running against her had a chance in hell. People in Indiana loved her. People in DC though, where she spent considerably more of her time, hated her guts. The vitriol and fake news that journalists were spewing about her online proved that much.

“I’m gonna kill somebody,” Attica said. It was 7 am. She had already been to the gym, showered, sensibly done her hair and make-up, and put on the kind of suit that said ‘listen to me you dummy’. She brandished her phone at her Chief of Staff. “Do you see what they’re saying about me, Leon? They act like I’m some kind of younger, smarter, Chinese female version of Stalin all because they can’t bully me into voting for their stupid gun regulations. People are out there blowing each other up with their minds! What the fuck am I supposed to do, help get rid of guns and leave every sucker who can’t do magic defenseless?”

Leonard, Attica’s Chief of Staff and younger brother, shrugged helplessly. She liked to think of him as the RFK to her JFK. Without the whole getting shot in the head thing. “G-get off twitter,” he said. He was not partaking in the breakfast that Attica’s assistant picked up for the team. Something about the breakfast pastries and espresso made him bitch about how unhealthy it all was. Leon opted to bring a protein shake instead, which worked out for him. At 6 feet tall and weighing over 200 pounds of muscle, he was often mistaken for her bodyguard if he wasn’t dressed up. He kept his black hair shorn close to his head, which didn’t help either. It made him look like he was the type to rip people apart with his bare hands. “You’re obsessing.”

“Where the fuck is Myers?” she asked. “He’s my communications director. Shouldn’t he be out here, I don’t know, directing? Putting an end to all this fake bullshit.” Attica looked at her phone again, pulling up a particularly offensive tweet. “‘ King is unhinged and desperate, putting the needs of lobbyists in front of the needs of her constituents.’--and this is posted with that terrible picture of me, that unflattering close-up where I had pollen in my eyes so they looked red.” She was gripping her phone so tightly that her knuckles went white. “Now whose fault was that? I didn’t have my eye-drops.”

The only other staff member present, Attica’s personal assistant of 3 years, went bug eyed. This was magnified by her thick lensed glasses. She put up her hands defensively and almost dropped the armful of manila folders she was holding. “That’s not my fault, that picture was from when I took some personal time off.”

“That was when you were vacationing in the mental hospital again and I had to rely on a temp for two weeks and was completely up shit creek without you, Serena, so yes it was completely your fault.”

Serena was in her mid 20’s and pretty in a frazzled, underfed, nerdy way. She had only been hired because she was Iranian or something and Attica had been afraid she looked racist after making some allegedly offensive comments while supporting the President’s drone strikes in the Middle East. As it turned out, Serena was brilliant and had graduated from Notre Dame with a degree in Political Science, an inexplicable Chemistry minor, and a desire to work on the Hill. The only reason Attica hadn’t appointed her to a more important position at this point was due to her unfortunate tendency to eat handfuls of pills whenever life got too stressful.

Attica quickly cycled back to the matter at hand. She poured some coffee, which she knew would only make her keep vibrating. It was her 3rd cup of the day. She felt like a hummingbird. “What am I going to do about these people degrading me online?”

From where he sat on the couch, Leon leaned over to out his face in his hands. Dramatic bitch. “For the last time, remember the first amendment.”

“R-r-remember the f-f-first amendment,” Attica repeated in a high pitched child’s voice, mocking him. She chugged the rest of her coffee and caught Serena staring at her like she had lost her mind. At this rate she was going to going to have a heart attack before she turned 40. “Grandfather would have sent someone after those motherfuckers with a crowbar.”

“G-Grandfather was a monster.”

He was right. But being monstrous was just more effective. Who was that old dead guy who said it was better to be feared than loved? Napoleon?

Attica kept looking at her phone. Too bad people didn’t seem to fear her yet. She could feel the blood pounding in her face. When she was angry, her skin turned very red, blotchy and unattractive. It couldn’t be helped. And what she was reading made her angry. Half of what she was mentioned in was negative. And half of those were violent, threats against her. “Here,” she said, landing on an egregious one. “‘King’s giant tits once again distracting everyone from her cloven hooves lol’. I want this person dragged into the street and shot.”

“Jesus C-Christ, c-c-calm down.” The muscles in Leon’s face tightened. He was gritting his teeth.

“Ma’am, maybe you should put your phone away,” said Serena.

Attica kept reading. “‘The NRA owns King but how would she like it if she got used as target practice’. ‘If I saw (pretend this is an at sign)AtticaKingIN in real life I would punch that bitch in the face.’” She began to breathe faster. Were these people from Indiana? Would they vote? Did they actually hate her? Who were these people? “‘King is part of the GOP gestapo’. ‘(at)AtticaKingIN doesn’t care about gun violence in her own state, vote her out!’ ‘I hate that dumb cunt (at)AtticaKingIN she needs to shut her mouth or suck my dick’. ‘I--”

Leon stood up, snatched Attica’s phone out of her hands, then held it above her head where she couldn’t reach it. Attica punched him in the chest but her brother was a wall of muscle and didn’t seem to feel it.

“Seriously, A, you need to c-calm down,” he told her. Attica punched him again. “I don’t want to know about the threats anyone’s making towards you, it’s upsetting. At 9, that lobbyist who works for Madeline C-Caligaris--”

“Do you want some xanax?” Serena interrupted.

Attica spun around to glare at her. She was aware of how flushed she must look. It was just...she cared so much about what people thought about her. “No,” she said coldly, but breathing heavily. She brushed a strand of hair away from her face. Imagine if Grandfather could see her now. After all, he had wanted Leon to head the family business. Hell, before he died, the old man had even expressed regret for treating their youngest..brother, Milo, like a stray dog. But never her. And Attica had tried so hard for all those years and slaved away just to get his validation… “Do you need a xanax, Serena?”

“I do now,” muttered Serena.

Attica tried to grab her phone one more time, then gave up and sat down.

It wasn’t even 7:15.

She took a deep breath to clear her head. “Ok. Tell me about this lobbyist. Calligaris-- that’s the Proverge exec, right?”

Leon nodded curtly. He put his sister’s phone in his breast pocket and sat down next to her. With a sudden rush of urgency, Attica realized that all he had wanted to do was protect her. How had their roles switched like that? When they were little she constantly made herself torment the kids who picked on him for the way he talked. After 30 years he barely even stuttered anymore. “C-can I get those files from Foster v Proverge, please?” Serena leafed through her armful of papers and presented him with the relevant ones. “Thanks. You read this, A?”

“Let’s work under the assumption that I didn’t.” She had been too busy talking to her numbers guy about the polls the previous night to actually look into anything that would affect her policies.

“Proverge wants to build a factory in your district. Magic distillation for use in their products. 200 new jobs. They c-can’t get approval in Indiana anymore-- they c-can’t get approval from most places these days because of all the lawsuits. People protest.”

Attica rolled her eyes. Liberals. “What lawsuits?”

“From the early 2000’s. Proverge distillation factories in Georgia, Tennessee, and Michigan all attempted to c-cover up widespread negative variant medical symptoms that affected workers who were exposed to thauma-slurry being distilled unsafely.” Leon flipped a few pages of the file. “Mostly c-cosmetic. But there were c-claims that the exposure to the slurry also lead to violent psychological problems and some c-clearly unsafe environmental effects.”

People were so whiny. Attica shrugged. “200 new jobs is more important than a couple honest mistakes the company made. I want to make this happen-- an announcement about job creation could really push my numbers in the polls. If protests become a problem, I’ll just send in the cops to clean them up.” She paused. “Or, I’ll send in Milo.”

Leon looked at her like he was trying to peerinto her soul or something. His broad, honest face was genuinely concerned. What did he see in her face? Did he see the will to do whatever she had to? “He’s g-g-getting worse. You c-can’t keep doing that.”

“The fuck I can.”

“He’s not listening to me anymore.” Leon’s face twisted up. Out of the whole family, he was the only one who treated Milo as more than he was. He allowed their deviant half brother to terrorize everyone as he pleased, just because he felt sorry for the bastard. “He’s go-g-going to screw up.”

The thing about Milo, was that someone had to be holding his leash.

“He’s fine,” Attica said with finality. “Maybe if he fucks up bad enough, he’ll actually learn his lesson.”

Leon stood up, handed her phone back, and walked out of the room without saying another word.

“Are you talking about your creepy little brother again?” asked Serena. She was scurrying around, straightening up the breakfast pastries and exuding her nervous energy. “He makes me uncomfortable.”

Attica massaged her forehead. “Me too,” she said. “Can you get in touch with the Proverge people and make sure they’re on their way?”

“On it.”

She could feel a headache coming on. But getting the credit for creating 200 new jobs... it was worth it. It was even worth dealing with Milo. It was worth it. She could be proud of herself. It was worth it. It would all be worth it.

Wouldn’t it?

#writing

[unmovableseat]

Based off pic #4. I only ever write for work anymore but I keep writing things like this where it’s a little “Sam + Bucky = ♥️” but also “Sarah x Bucky = ♥️” but mostly “Sam Wilson is ♥️🥺♥️🥰😍😘 and everyone in his life says so, especially Ms. Whitney”. Brief mention of Sam x Riley, a quint of Sam x Steve, and no editing because I’m going to delete it like all those who came before it if I do.

//////

Captain America and the White Wolf are doing morning shows and people want to hear about saving the world and What That’s Like. Except Sam has really gotten into his plants and wants to show off his fav and spent 45 minutes that morning talking to ALL of his plants about how he loved them all very much but that he just HAPPENED to choose this random plant (but totally whispering to The Chosen One in the elevator that it is absolutely his favorite). And Bucky thought he was kidding bc he was busy showering and getting dressed during the Plant Pep Talk (and he might have been texting back and forth with Sarah all morning and gotten distracted by a picture she sent of herself from early that morning, holding a cup of coffee, perched on the dock, the sun rising in the sky, but her warm eyes and bright smile outshining every sunrise he’s ever seen) so he’s only just putting his phone away when he comes out on the living room and sees Sam gently placing Ms Whitney (“because she’s so beautiful she makes me wanna dance with somebody! Nevermind, man, but I’m making a bee playlist for you.”) in a burlap sack that Bucky had never seen before and gently lifting her in his arms. And Sam asks “what’s got you looking all goofy” and Bucky needs to pívot, quickly, because while they’re not hiding anything from Sam, this is all kind of new and quiet and not many things in either of their lives gets to be quiet right now. So Bucky says “did you finally tell the other plants that she’s your favorite?” just to watch Sam’s face muscles jump into 50 expressions at once while trying to nudge Bucky out the door and hurriedly assure the other plants that He Doesn’t Have A Favorite and when they get in the hallway Sam shoulder-checks Bucky into the wall and Bucky would normally trip him but he overwatered Ms. Whitney one time and Sam didn’t get mad, he got upset and he didn’t even say anything but the face he made had Bucky volunteering to take over all household chores for the next two weeks so Sam could just focus on her.

He told Sarah later that night on FaceTime that he felt like he would have preferred a punch on the face. “It’s his eyes, he’s always been able to do that. He has our Titi’s eyes and he doesn’t even realize how easily they convey his pain and joy in equal amounts. When he came home after—“ Bucky waited and let Sarah breathe, reminded once again how much of a ‘Wilson’ Riley had been before…before. “He would try to fake it for us but we always knew. Carlos used to take him out fishing sometimes. They’d spend hours just fishing together, quiet, out on the water, out deep where our Daddy always took us when things got bad or we all just needed a break. Carlos and he got real close. Folks didn’t talk about it so much back then but when Nathaniel, Carlos’s ‘roommate’ of 30 years passed on, we all came together and mourned him as a community like anyone else’s spouse. Sam was on the run back then, we hadn’t heard from him in almost two weeks, but the next morning, he pulled me aside after we sorted our hauls and let me know that Sam had stopped by about 15 minutes after the last person had left, told Carlos how much Nathaniel was loved and what a role model he and Carlos had been for him all those years. Carlos told me he looked in Sam’s eyes and could see the old pain had sprung up again, but it felt like he was helping Carlos ease his own pain by sharing that bright pain with him.” Sarah had paused, laughing, and Bucky (not knowing the screen was going to alert Sarah) snapped a picture of her, head tilted slightly down, nostrils flared wide with the little crinkles in the bridge, thinking he wanted to see that expression every day for the rest of his life but knowing it was still way too soon to say anything even remotely close to that. Sarah didn’t comment on the message popping up but Bucky had a similar one flash across his screen that made him blush and flash his own grin as Sarah continued, “and Steve must have come with him because Carlos told me ‘Sammy nabbed himself another pale blonde white boy and, Nathaniel forgive me for saying it, but if I were a few years younger, I would have tried those biceps out myself!”

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh at that. Sam had told him the same story and mentioned that he didn’t think him showing up did Carlos any good that night but ‘Steve and his obsession with tight shirts would help ease any man’s woes.’ Bucky always hoped that Sam just deflected because he didn’t want to focus on himself when mentioning someone else’s pain but Bucky made it a point of letting Sam know how much he loved and appreciated him, as a friend and a partner. Bucky wasn’t great with hugs with everyone just yet but knew Sam loved physical expressions of caring so he would always hug him hello and goodbye, an extra squeeze thrown in at the end. Sometimes even just throwing an ‘appreciate you’ at him for something like Sam giving Bucky a break by making dinner. Bucky would make Sam Wilson know how much Bucky and his whole community loved him if it was the last thing he did. So, as he sat on the couch with Sam and Ms Whitney, Sam glowing from describing in harrowing detail how ‘The Winter Soldier tried to take her out!’ and how he only just ‘saved her and nursed her back to health like one of those old war movies’, Bucky couldn’t help but make faces at the camera. He realized they had four more shows today and he was going to hear this story over and over again, wondering just how much the details would change as the day went on. He watched the interviewers all genuinely laughing as Captain America Himself described his role as a WWI nurse (in a very respectable outfit because ‘it’s not that kind of movie, don’t get your hopes up too high’), feeling elated that he gets to have his man, his Captain but more importantly, his Sam, in his life.

He felt three quick vibrations against his thigh and felt the grin break across his face, knowing that was Sarah messaging home, probably asking what in the hell he and Sam got into before the morning show and how a 40year old and a 100+ year old shouldn’t be day drinking and flaunting it on National TV! Sam looked over at him, saw the ‘Sarah smile’ as he dubbed it (‘not your fault, James, we Wilson’s are made from angelic stock. You really had no chance), and gave Bucky a private, small grin before launching back into the best way to make each and every plant feel like it had the majesty of a redwood even if it was no bigger than a tiny pea shoot. Bucky continued making his faux faces of a beleaguered partner at the screen, but probably not fooling anyone because Sam was truly in his element, sharing the story of Figaro’s and Alpine’s first foray into ‘if you even THINK about attacking those Monsteras!’, and Bucky’s thigh kept vibrating with Sarah’s pattern, letting him know she was absolutely roasting Sam at this point, and Bucky had to just take a second and be thankful that his new normal was chaotic af.

#Sam + Bucky #Sarah x Bucky #Sam x Riley #Sam x Steve…if you squint #but mostly Sam x Ms Whitney #AND SAM X ALL HIS PLANTS #he told me it was important to say that bc he doesn’t play favorites #but he was also watching a movie with Ms Whitney and Bucjy while he said it sooo… #idek what this is #Sam Wilson #Bucky Barnes #Sarah Wilson #Riley #Steve Rogers #Carlos from tfatws #Bucky*

[byunrelatable]

ok on the ask game, 5 + 19 !! this is gonna get long bear with me oof. i’ve confessed to two people, one was a boy that i was once close with but he ignored me after we broke up :”) it’s fine he’s an ass anyway. but the second person is my current gf and holy uh this is actually kinda personal so i won’t go too in depth but we can say i did it bc it was too much not to anymore (pt 1/?)

.hi kam!! i love u thanks for the asks and thanks for sharing your story!! im really glad things worked out with you and your gf, sounds like you two have truly been through thick and thin together, you must have a very strong bond. that makes my heart feel very warm, im so happy for you!!

im going to put the rest of your asks, as well as my responses to the questions, under the cut so this doesnt become a super long post. to answer 5 and 19 in short, i will say that my answer to 5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? is yes, and its an embarrassing story, it also involves underage drinking so anyone uncomfy with that should not look under the cut!! and my answer to 19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted, i’ll probably keep that answer pretty short but true to my word, everything is going under the cut from here on out. thank you for sharing your story kam

send me two way asks!!

here’s the rest of kam’s asks:

we didn’t date then bc things were complicated (like i said, pERSONAL) and i,,,, did it a second time with her months later,,,,, i wouldn’t have if my friends didn’t push me to do it but they did annnddd we started dating then!! and haaaaa i uh,,,, did it once more at the end of feb this year,,,,,, bc we weren’t together at the time (this is also very personal so i could tell you abt the whole thing privately if you wanted) (pt 2/?)

in short i woke up and she asked me to be her gf again sOo, lol it’s all fun. aaannnddd here we go okay i literally just texted my gf as i write this oof but i think one of the fondest memories i have is both kinda negative but i view it positively? it was around the end of january in 2016 and we had been talking for a month or so. at the time i wasn’t in the best state of mind. (pt ¾)

i don’t remember the conversation word for word, but i have recollection of crying a lot at school waiting for my exam and just realizing how much i cared abt her and her about me and i think that marks the moment we became best friends rlly and damn who would even think to get to where we are now oof not me?? (pt 4/4 i went all out i’m sorryajsndnf)

what a story!!! like i said before, im really glad it all came together in the end, and that you have such a wonderful supportive gf

5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? yeah okay. from seventh grade until 11th i had a huge crush on this boy in my class. he was always doing crazy cool exchange programs. in 8th grade he went to school in coasta rica for a year, we e-mailed (lmao) all the time while he was gone. he came back in 9th grade and i was so so excited to see him again. he left again in 10th grade, and that was a hard year for me. my dad and step mom (who practically raised me) were getting divorced and i was going through some weird shit with an older guy (gross. he’s gross and predatory and i didnt know better cause i was like 15/16). so i started drinking and sneaking out and partying. 

the kid i had a crush on came back in 11th grade and i was ecstatic. we picked up our friendship where we left it off. but here’s the kicker: he was (and probably still is? but probably isnt as much of a hardass about it) a devout christian, and drinking was NOT in line with his values. he had heard from his mom that i had been doing stuff like that, and he brought it up and said he was concerned. i told him i’d stop, because i was young and i had had a crush on this kid for over four years at this point, and our mutual friend kept dropping hints that he was interested, and.. sigh. so i told him i’d cut the partying and he said he had to see it. fast forward to spring, i applied and got into a program which sends students to japan for two weeks, and this kid also got in, and i was STOKED to be in japan with him for two weeks. the first week it was fun. our last night in tokyo, i wanted to spend some time alone with him, and the rest of our friends were planning to buy some sake (we were literally 16 but they did it, they didnt get carded) and drink it at the hotel, and they wanted me to distract him cause they were worried he’d rat them out, and i was so down to try that because i wanted to spend time with him anyways. so i asked if he wanted to go on an adventure–just go get on a random subway line and see where it leads. he kinda blew me off, which stung. then in an effort to get him to hang out with me, i told him what the other kids were planning (they had specifically told me not to tell him). i told him, and said “so i really think we should just go somewhere else so we dont have to be around that.” he didnt listen to me, instead he followed the rest of the group into the convenience store and they were like uhhh, then he went up to my friend hannah and was like “so you’re buying sake huh?” and she looked at me like what the fuck arianna and i looked at her like im sorry i couldnt get him to come with me and he was like whatever and then he left the convenience store and our other friend jay went with him. i assumed they went back to the hotel. so i went back as well but they werent there. when i asked someone else where they were, they said “oh, they went out into the city on a random subway line just to go on an adventure!” the literal exact thing i had suggested. i was livid. moreso, i was really hurt. so i decided to say fuck it and get drunk, cause i had been abstaining from alcohol ALL YEAR for the sake of this ONE GUY who had really played me and led me on ALL FUCKING YEAR and lowkey for the past FOUR YEARS. so i was like, whatever. so i got drunk. then jay and the guy came back from their adventure. i asked my other drunk companions if i seemed sober (bad, bad idea. they were not good judges) they all said i seemed fine, so i went to give the kid a piece of my mind. get to his room and its just him cause his roommate had been with us in the drinking room. so i say, hey i need to talk to you. the first thing he asks is if i had drank, and i said no, like a liar with a big fat crush. then we sit down on opposite beds, and i told him i was really hurt that he rejected my offer to go on an adventure and immediately did the same thing with jay. he gave me a bs excuse like “it was kinda spontaneous” and i was like, thats bullshit. then i poured out my heart, about crushing on him for the last four years, about being a good friend when he dated hannahkate in seventh grade, about always waiting for him to come back, about working so hard to stop drinking just to be the person he wanted me to be. and i told him i loved him.

his response? “thank you for telling me.” and it shattered my heart.

when he walked me to the door of his room, he said “by the way. you were slurring the whole time, and your breath smells like alcohol. i knew you had drank from the start.” needless to say, THAT was embarrassing.

i go back to the room, drink more, eventually everyone leaves and its me and hannah. i tell her what happened, freak out a bit, cry.

the next day we woke up kinda early and went to this man-made island place i dont remember the name of, and we spent the day there. i was really quiet and reserved all day (not like me, then or now). i did not eat. when we got back to the hotel that night, hannah gave me a melon bread, and i said i wasnt hungry. she said “you havent eaten all day. if you dont eat this right now, im going to take your phone, delete [kid’s name] from all your contacts, delete every picture or video you have on your phone, erase him from your life. do you want that?” to which i said, no. and i ate the bread. it was tough love and i needed it. i was a little better the next day.

a few days later in kyoto the kid and i talked on a rooftop at sunset. i felt a little better after that. it was hard going through all of that, after four years of pining for him, but.. it was good. it was closure. i laid my cards on the table, i finally told him how i felt, and he rejected me. and it hurt, but there was nothing left to say, and it finally closed that door that had been slightly ajar for four years. and i was able to move on after that, fairly quickly actually. jumping back into partying cause i didnt have someone to impress kind of helped. well, it also kind of spun my life off in a horrible direction that led to a horrible depressing senior year of high school, but thats another story.

yeesh, that was long. on to the next one!!

19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted the most recent person i texted is my friend named nico. the first memory that comes to mind is last summer, we used to hang out a lot, one night we went to this 24 hour diner called beth’s cafe that we both love. we went at like 4 am and it was so so so fun. afterwards we watched emperors new groove in his bed and then passed out. i love nico so much. we used to be a lot closer in the summer, but at the end of summer i fucked up and we had a falling out. we still are friends and we still talk (i.e. we texted today planning to hang out this week) but.. its not the same. and i really miss the way things were before. golly isnt that bittersweet. now im a lil sad. but thats okay

thank you to anyone who read all that garbage uidsgfihjs

#asks #lovely mutuals #GOSH my confession story is LOOONG

[itsjayyyy]

January 16, 2019 4:51 pm

So on last thursday after that update, I met up with heather for the first time since October. We met up at starbucks, but neither of us bought a drink. She already knew about my moving out because she saw me posting about it on snapchat. I told her all about how my new roommates don’t really talk to me (or do the dishes, or pay rent on time...) and also how my parents didn’t let me have my own bed (she was really shocked at that, which i didn’t understand like girl ive been homeless because of my parents no shit they won’t let me take a bed they bought themselves). I also told her about the whole rose situation, and ofc anna. I thought it was funny how when i told her about the whole “surgery on a porcupine” she was like “how is that possible? you mean she did surgery on those things that fall off of trees?”

After hanging with her, I went home since I had like 5 hours until my next class. rose kept messaging me like “hey are you ready to meet up?” “i can see you’re home now” etc. I didn’t answer, and honestly i was annoyed that she used my location as a weapon, so i left my phone at home when i went to class. Which was kinda annoying tbh, i felt so disconnected without it. (just got sidetracked, but i think when i get my student refund i’m gonna buy an ipod nano 1st gen, which was the first mp3 player i ever had. prob gonna fill it with the 3 vocaloid cd’s i found). After class i went to get a smoothie, then drove home. rose was waiting outside my door for me to get home, and she started going on about “omg i was so worried you weren’t answering my texts etc” we get into my apartment, and i just kinda unloaded onto her (again). just told her how it’s not even just the whole mom situation, but all of them had piled so much hate onto me since i was a kid that i’m incapable of loving myself, and it only frustrates me when they say “don’t see yourself negatively!” it’s like someone breaking your arm and then saying “just use your hand to grab x” without acknowledging that your arm was broken by them. she starts crying (as she always does tbh), then we go to get sushi. 

friday i only had one class (psychology) so i chilled at home most of the day. can’t really remember what i did lol. oh wait i think i hung out with rose, to make up for not hanging out on thursday. yea we chilled at my apartment for a bit, then went to the west side to scoop up peter and get hooter’s. and then i complained about how i started feeling sick, and then called in saturday. i told myself that i would get ahead on my homework and clean my room, but i spent most of the day chilling. the gray cat that hangs around my apartment walked by my window, so i opened it and pet her. She climbed into my room, and i spent a good 3 hours just playing with her. I texted the owner asking if she was pregnant or not (bc she really looked like she was about to give birth) but he texted back saying it was a boy, and neutered. apparently he’s just super cuddly. 

i called in sunday too, since it’s like i already lost an attendance point and i didn’t feel like going to work. i actually was productive that day, like i did laundry and cleaned my room. still getting the depressive episode out of my system, though, so i wasn’t running at full capacity. 

on monday, i checked anna’s twitter (btw after i soft blocked her i felt that she was still looking at my profile tho, like our tweets would mirror each other in mood a lot), and she tweeted “omg i think my crush is flirting with me” so rip my chances with her. and yea i know it wasn’t about me bc outside of class i heard her talking about how they were talking thru snapchat. :c

i really can’t wait until fall when i get transferred to the downtown campus, though. as i was walking up to msb, i saw someone sitting directly next to the entrance. and you can probably guess who it was. I really thought “new semester, new schedule, no more stalker savon waiting outside my classes” but i guess i was wrong. as i sat in the hall waiting for my class to start, I had a minor anxiety attack that i tried to cover up by talking to my classmates and professor about high school funding. luckily in that conversation, i learned that msb has two side exits, so now i have different paths to take. (honestly this whole time i’ve gone here, i thought the “handicap accessible” sign in front of the side entrance was trying to say that wheelchairs should go down the stairs, but my classmate pointed out that it was supposed to say “handicap accessible, up this path to the right,” not directly forward. I took the side stairs after class and basically ran to the garage in case he was following. At home i still had an assignment for comp, which was “visit a place on campus that you’ve never been to before and draw it in a 4-panel comic” (this class is all about multimodal writing) which, by the way, is really only possible for freshmen. as a spohomore, there isn’t a single place on campus that i haven’t been to. except for that side stairwell. so i drew my experiences taking a new staircase as an exit. let me make this journal entry multimodal by adding my comic:

anyways, that comic was apparently way overdrawn, when all of my classmates did simple stick figures at memory mall. kinda felt like wednesday addams wearing a long black dress at summer camp. it was nice tho, gave me a way to express all of my feelings about the whole thing (since i had nobody to talk to). it was like art therapy.

tuesday we had a quiz at the end of calc. i know hindsight’s 20/20, but seriously how the fuck did i fail this class it’s so damn simple. I finished the quiz in a literal 30 seconds and then sat there because i didn’t want to be the first person to finish. all of my classmates looked really deep in thought too, so i started to wonder if i was maybe not doing it right. but then the professor walked by and saw i wasn’t doing anything, so i was like “is this all that we have to do (setting up an integral but not even solving it)” and he was like yea, ur good. surreal.

then i went home and chilled until my evening class, then after that drove to peter’s bc we were gonna hang. so rose remembered that i was coming over, but peter forgot; while peter remembered they invited paul over, but rose forgot. i know that they’re kinda close with paul and all but tbh i don’t really know him that well, and it feels awkward hanging with him. when i told rose that, she was like “but you guys have hung out together, remember that time you got blackout drunk and slept on his bed, i felt like that was a real bonding moment for yall” um no i actually didn’t remember that, probably because i was BLACKOUT DRUNK. anyways i told all of them about anna (since peter and paul didn’t hear the story), then we smoked a little and played comer. We all won a round except for peter lol. then we watched an episode of marie kondo’s show (i wanted them to see how she lowkey looks like a robot), and then i headed home. i got home at like midnight tho, and since we had a sub today in calc, i figured i could skip it. so today i woke up around 10, got on campus at 2 since i was gonna hang with heather (but her boss didn’t let her have a break since she only worked 5 hours so we’re gonna meet tomorrow instead), went to psychology (and we finished the chapter early so no class friday!!!), and since then i’ve been in the library writing this.

here’s my plan for surviving this semester: i’m gonna act like this is fuckin birdbox, but extreme version. he wants to get a reaction out of me, and he’s not gonna. from now on, any time that i’m outside of a building (and even most times that i’m indoors but not in class) I’m going to have headphones in, and look down at the ground (not like directly at my feet, but like looking forward but at the ground ahead of me) or at my phone. that way if he finds me, he still can’t get a reaction bc i’m visibly distracted in the only two senses that he can reach me through. i don’t think he would go as far as to try to touch me, so i should be safe.

i hate that i feel like i’m always on the defensive at my own damn college. i hate feeling like i can’t even walk around freely without being followed. but hopefully i just need to make it to fall, hopefully ucf doesn’t delay the opening of the downtown campus, hopefully i transfer in a few months and can *really* put this all behind me. then it’s all smooth sailing, just gonna go through my final two years at uni, then graduate, get a job in CPS for a few years, then go back to school for my master’s. from there become a licensed clinical social worker, so that i can maybe work for cps but in a hospital setting where i get paid more, buy a house, have a family. get out of orlando. (but i kinda like orlando...)

anyways it’s 6 o clock now, so in about 15 minutes i’m gonna leave the library, use the guidelines i wrote above, use the side entrance, and get to class.

[princesircastic-archive]

so remember how I was having a super shitty day? well, here’s why

warning: long rambling post 

last year - August 22nd/23rd, I was in hospital. I was taken to accident & emergency via the advice of the non-emergency phoneline, where I was subsequently left in agony for five hours before I was finally given a competent doctor who knew how to correctly administer painkillers (seriously, the first idiot missed a vein and pumped my soft tissue full of morphine instead. which, by the way, hurt like hell). But I won’t get into that horror show of an experience - just laying the groundwork here. it was discovered that I was suffering from gallstones, which I’d brought up to my doctor a year ago and told it couldn’t possibly be gallstones because I was only 25, despite the fact I made it clear my mother suffered them at the same age. but doctors know your body better than you, obviously, so of course I was an idiot for thinking it. mm. yeah. 

before I was discharged from hospital I was told I’d need surgery to remove the gallbladder to avoid further problems like this, and that I’d hear from the hospital in 4-6 weeks for that surgery.

it was three months before I had to ask my doctor to find out what was happening with it. I’m very much aware that people get bumped down the list because of emergency surgeries, and I’m cool with that - it can’t be helped. which is why I didn’t think twice when I hadn’t heard back in that timeframe, and why I didn’t immediately think anything of it when three months had gone by. it was only early this year that I discovered something had gone wrong.

basically, someone at the hospital fucked up. they were supposed to put me on the waiting list for the surgery and arrange everything, and they didn’t. maybe they got distracted and forgot, maybe they lost my information, who knows what happened exactly - but they fucked up. that is the important thing here. They. Fucked. Up. 

when I finally discover this, I’m sent a letter to put myself on a waiting list to see the consultant surgeon. not for the surgery itself, mind, but to have the same conversation I’ve already had with a surgeon. the waiting list is three months long. I speak to my doctor and she says she’ll write to the hospital to stress the urgency of my case, and to put myself on the waiting list as a back-up. only when we go back to do that, there are now no available spaces left. wonderful.

whilst we’re still working out what to do, I get a letter telling me my clinic appointment at the hospital has been cancelled. what clinic appointment? this was the first I’d heard of it, but apparently I had one on June 12th that no one had bothered to tell me about - and now it was cancelled. okay. sure. at this point I’m thinking maybe they’d put me on the list for an appointment due to my doctor’s letter, and they’re respecting the urgency and bringing my appointment forward, so I await the new letter to tell me when my rebooked appointment is. is it next month? next week? 

no. it’s actually the same date as the cancelled one, only two hours later. what the fuck, right? yeah. I wasn’t pleased. so fast forward to today, June 12th. Ten months since I was admitted for emergency care in the hospital, ten months since I was told I was going to have surgery and I’d hear from them in 4-6 weeks. I spend all of five minutes with the consultant surgeon I’ve had to wait half the year to see, and she tells me I was never put on the waiting list like I should have been, and now that I am going on it, it’s six months long.

Six months. for a surgery I should have had ten months ago. and the only cases she can put as emergency or priority are cancer patients. (whilst I totally respect that, of course, I’m more than a little pissed off at that. I might not have cancer but this was the hospital’s error and not mine and I shouldn’t be punished for it).

I can’t even be put down for any cancellations because I’m a full-time carer and I need a good few weeks’ notice to make necessary arrangements for at home, so I’m stuck at the bottom of a six month waiting list. because they fucked up ten months ago. 

now just in case it isn’t obvious why this is such a problem (beyond the fuck up and having to wait six months), and for anyone who doesn’t understand what gallstones are or what they do, I’ll just explain for you-

ever heard of kidney stones? yes? and how they can be incredibly painful and dangerous? gallstones are very similar. they’re not quite as painful as kidney stones, but they’re not a fucking walk in the park either. I have a naturally high pain tolerance (example: I had major surgery and shocked/confused all the nurses after because they kept offering me pain meds I didn’t need), and I screamed myself hoarse for those five hours until someone gave me morphine correctly because of the agony I was suffering. yeah. it was bad.

what causes gallstones, you might ask? no one really knows yet. they can guess at some triggers, but there’s no definitive cause. gallstones are thought to be caused by an imbalance in the chemical make-up of bile inside the gallbladder. this helps digest fats, for example - which is why one of the suspected triggers for gallstones can be fatty foods. but these vague triggers mean attacks can happen anytime, and anywhere, without warning. I’ve suffered them whilst at conventions in London, which was terrifying in itself, and whilst I was on holiday in Amsterdam. thankfully so far only the one has been serious enough to send me to hospital.

I can do absolutely nothing to stop them

even minor attacks will put me in bed for the entire day, and more serious ones can essentially cripple me for 2-3 days afterward because of the pain and muscle cramping that occurs. you can imagine how this might make life difficult, especially when I’m a carer for a disabled person. my diet is already fairly restricted bc I have several other issues and a lot of foods have negative effects on my health, but now I’ve spent the last ten months in particular constantly worrying if what I’ve eaten is going to trigger an attack. the stress in itself is having lasting negative effects on my health. I haven’t been right since before August last year. it’s even given me some serious body issues that I can’t shake off (and have resulted in me hating 99% of cosplay photos taken of me for various reasons).

I don’t have the money to go private. I have to rely on the free healthcare that is already struggling because our government are complete fuck-ups and liars. I’m aware that because of this, even though I’m on the list, it could be a year before I get my surgery because there are always emergencies or patients who are deemed more urgent than me. I know how hospitals work. I know the shit decisions that have to be made by the people in charge of surgical admissions. I have to live another 6-12 months under this constant fear and anxiety, all because the hospital fucked up.

I’m writing to a service that helps and advises patients to see if I can get something sorted, but I’m not hopeful - and once I’ve had the surgery, my mother has assured me she’s going to make a formal complaint. I doubt it’ll amount to anything, but by now it’s the principle of the matter. 

and then some idiot tried to run me over and had the audacity to imply I was at fault for it. it’s okay. I told him to go fuck himself.

#ooc: out of charm #;Mun's rants #( this covers a medical issue so sort of tw for that ? just in case ) #( added to all of this is the fact I was exhausted bc of the brat next door #and allergy season is kicking my ass so much that I'm sneezing so often and so violently that my nose keeps bleeding ) #( I'm just. today has not been a good day. at all. )

[spencers-renaissance]

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line, then tag some of your favorite authors!

tagged by @scandinavian-punk (ty lovely! 💖)

1. Emily’s heart hurts.

She’d made the decision a little over a week ago and given her notice to Hotch before she could rethink it. This is the right thing to do, as painful as it is. Poison ivy has been wrapping itself around her heart for the last six years, slowly constricting as it squeezes all the life out of her, her old self bleeding out as she falls deeper and deeper in love with Jennifer Jareau. (via my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand)

2. As soon as Rossi brings up the prospect of a fully-catered family dinner at his ‘mansion’ this weekend, Derek’s heart sinks. They’re on their way home from a pretty gruelling case and it’s well-deserved of course, but he knows what comes next, knows what question will be asked of him, and he’s dreading it. There’s only so long he can go on avoiding answering. (via dry me off and hold me close)

3. Spencer doesn’t think anything of it when he leaves work at his usual time, the clock pushing midnight and the offices deserted. He packs his few personal belongings up and turns off his lamp before nodding to the janitor, the only other person to be seen, and taking the elevator down to the ground floor where there’s a little more sign of human life at least. (via the colour of waiting is purple)

4. Spencer had initially been wary of Penelope’s invitation to picnic in Meridian Hill Park one beautiful summer afternoon — he burned way too easily and didn’t like exposing himself to insects more than absolutely necessary — but as soon as she’d mentioned Derek was going, he’d given in. He wasn’t about to turn down an afternoon spent in the sun with his best friends and boyfriend. It was a rare day off for the team: one not even spent hanging by their phone expecting to be called in any minute, so they were all insistent on making the most of it. (via honeysuckle)

5. Spencer unfolds the creased piece of paper he’s holding for the eleventh time as he stares up at the house in front of him. He remembers the address scrawled on the sheet Derek Morgan had ripped from the back of his notebook earlier that day perfectly, the spiky peaks of his handwriting and the surprisingly loopy ‘y’s and ‘g’s are burned into his brain, but nerves have overtaken his helpless body. He’s not exactly in control of his actions. (via the noiseless crash of crumbling walls)

6. It’s the middle of the night when Emily wakes up to Penelope’s side of the bed empty. The mattress is cold, the duvet thrown haphazardly aside, and their apartment is quiet. She knows logically what’s probably going on, but she can’t help that her mind immediately jumps to the worst-case scenario and she goes from fast asleep to wide awake in record time as she throws her covers aside to look for her girlfriend. (via tangerine kiss)

7. Spencer takes a deep breath in, composing himself, before opening his front door and stepping out onto the road. It’s become a sort of tradition now: every Sunday he buys himself a cinnamon swirl at his local bakery before walking all the way to the graveyard on the other side of town to have breakfast with his mom.

Unfortunately, said tradition has made him a thief. (via I'll bloom for you)

8. In the haze of his fever, confusion worms its way into Spencer’s mind. He should really be getting better by now, right? It had only been the flu: a surprisingly cruel DC winter had sparked a much more severe flu season than usual and Spencer, with his terrible luck, had managed to contract it. Not surprising, really, when he considers the poor ventilation on the Metro. Flu season had probably turned the handrails into a petri dish, and there was that day two weeks ago when he’d been in such a rush he hadn’t time to use his hand sanitizer. (via love drunk, waiting on a miracle)

9. Derek tries to focus on his essay, he really does. He plugs his headphones in, blasts ambient piano pieces, puts his phone on aeroplane mode, cuts out all distractions, but he can’t exactly turn his brain off. No matter how insistently the essay that’s due far too soon demands his attention, his thoughts simply won’t leave Spencer alone. (via the insistent burn of a falling heart)

10. Spencer offers Derek a weak smile as they sink into their seats on the jet. It’s all he can really manage, considering the emotional exhaustion the case had brought on, fatigue settling deep into his bones as he relaxes into the comfortable fabric of his chair. He keeps his eyes closed to avoid Derek’s anxious, imploring gaze for as long as possible, but he can’t help them opening on instinct as soon as the plane takes off the ground, and his stomach does its familiar vault at the increasing G forces. (via let him be soft, and let him be mine)

11. It’s nearing noon the day after Spencer’s attack when a detective appears at the door to their hospital room, escorted by a nurse. His doctor had been by a couple of hours earlier to talk to Spencer about his injuries, and had explained the prognosis to a man so defeated he simply stared at her as tears streamed down his face. When she’d asked if he’d had any questions he’d simply turned away and stared out the window as his tears kept falling. (via the colour of healing is yellow)

12. Spencer gasps as he splashes the ice cold water running from the tap against his face for a third time, still not rid of the terrible, burning feeling that forced itself under his skin the moment they were told Emily didn’t survive the surgery. (via how the cold numbs everything but grief)

13. Everyone is so nice, is the thing.

And that’s great. Really, it is. Spencer isn’t about to complain when JJ kindly walks him through the filing system all the while asking questions about him and his life, or when Derek ribs him gently about his ducktail hair or his nerdy brain. No-one cuts him off when he gets carried away — unless it’s time-sensitive, of course — or teases him about anything that cuts too close to home. Being the new guy in the most prestigious unit in the FBI could’ve been a nightmare, but this team made it easy. He’s so grateful for all of it. (via hunger)

14. It starts with the flu.

He calls into work sick and he makes himself comfortable in bed, preparing to ride it out. It is the middle of January after all, and their last case saw them in Ann Arbor, shivering their way through each crime scene and a police station with abysmal heating. (via storm-darkened or starry bright)

15. Maybe it’s embarrassment that stops him from telling the team. Spencer runs headfirst into dangerous situations every day, puts his life on the line repeatedly and escapes unscathed more often than not, but his nemesis this time is the single flight of stairs in his apartment building he descends each morning. (via tell me how to balance my coins)

16. Derek isn’t quite sure how he’s found himself in a vacant office after hours, crowded into an office chair with broken wheels as the two most intimidating FBI agents he knows stand over him.

“Either of you want to tell me what the hell’s going on?” Derek asks, bewildered by how quickly his evening had changed. One minute he’s sneaking looks at Spencer over his computer screen, and the next he’s hauled off to a private room like some sort of hostage. (via shovel talk)

17. Derek isn’t sure what to make of Spencer Reid at first. Gideon tours him around the bullpen, introducing him to each agent proudly, and Derek watches him; watches his shy waves as he forgoes handshakes, watches his stuttering introductions, sees his pale blush, and he sighs. Spencer Reid won’t last a week, he decides, Gideon’s protegee or not. (via the way he was watered)

18. Spencer knows it’s ridiculous. Derek will not hurt him: this much he knows for certain. Derek is safe, he is home, he is his person. Derek would die before laying a hand on him. (via this heavy humanness)

19. Spencer knows Derek isn’t that hurt. They’ve all had worse over the years; chewed up and spit out by the relentless and dangerous nature of their work -- an inflamed appendix removed by keyhole surgery is hardly anything to write home about. (via the one constant)

20. Spencer’s entire body feels heavy as he drags himself into work, and it’s not exactly a good sign when he can’t even find the energy to press the button for the right floor; he just stares pitifully at the array of numbers as if the elevator will read his mind and resolve the issue for him. Eventually, he brings himself to move his finger the short distance, cold metal colliding with cold flesh, and the doors shudder close, catapulting him up several storeys towards his fate. (via rain is a chance to be touched)

soooo I think it's safe to say I lay out the situation straight away and jump into the action. & throw some emotion in there bc it's me :))

tagging: @makaylajadewrites @tobias-hankel @lavender-lotion @spencerspecifics @oliverbrnch @garcias-bitch

#tag games #mutuals #<3