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pastanest · 1 year

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Spencer Reid x gender neutral!reader

A/N: the end of this one is loosely inspired by Bridget Jones bc Im ovulating x

Gentleman

Since the day you joined the team, you have made it your mission to consistently go out of your way to show Spencer Reid just how much he means to you. The more you’ve come to know him, the more personal your gestures have become, the more sentiment you are capable of hand delivering. By nature, you are a thoughtful person, but the second you were introduced to Spencer, you could see how little regard he had for himself, for treating himself kindly, for any amount of mistreatment that continued to beat him down - and you decided that it was your job, above all else, to show him how wonderful he truly was, the kindness he deserved to receive.

Whether it be memorizing and delivering his preferred coffee order every morning, surprising him with chocolate and sprinkle-covered donuts, always backing him up in every circumstance - no matter how unserious, always jumping to his defense, always checking in with him, consistently inviting him out for small events that you know he’d enjoy; the list only goes on. And in the wake of your endless list of sentimental gestures, to Doctor Spencer Reid, you are nothing short of an angel. His own, personal, blessing.

For some time, Spencer has been debating asking you whether you would consider developing your relationship beyond the wonderful friendship you have established, whether you had ever pondered the idea of, perhaps, going on a date with him, sometime, wherever and whenever you wanted. The fear of rejection and the fear of ruining the bliss that is his bond with you, has forced Spencer to continually back out of confessing to you, but with every passing day, you show him just how good life can be and he has no choice but to fall for you even further.

Today is his mother’s birthday, so naturally he has booked it as a holiday from work to spend with her. Upon entering her room, he finds her cooing over a huge bouquet of orange tulips. Pausing in her doorway, Spencer takes a moment to ingrain the image in his mind, to treasure a few precious seconds of his mother smiling in a daze over her favorite flowers, before he steps inside.

“Hey Mom, happy birthday.” He greets her quietly, hoping not to disturb her.

She doesn’t say anything, just looks over her shoulder with the same smile on her face.

Strolling over to stand beside her, he examines the bouquet. “Who gave you these, hmm? They’re beautiful.” He says softly, gently pulling apart a few of the stems to retrieve a small note that only has ‘Happy Birthday Diana x’ written on it.

There is no name signed on the note, but Spencer feels his heart skipping a beat as his eyes scan the little piece of paper, because he recognises the handwriting quicker than he would his own. Though the realization very nearly kills him where he stands, he has no choice but to push it to the back of his mind and prioritize spending the day with his mother, but he finds her glancing over at the bouquet almost as often as he does, sharing a fond smile; hers for the flowers themselves, him for their sender.

That evening, as the sun sets, he finds himself waiting on an all too familiar doorstep with a bouquet of someone else’s favorite flowers in his hands. He wonders if he has arrived a little too early, understanding better than most how late you could arrive home from work, but thanks to a text from Penelope, he knows the team haven’t left on a case today.

Much to Spencer’s relief, he is only fidgeting idly and tapping his shoes against your doorstep for an hour before your car pulls into your driveway. From beyond the windscreen, he sees you light up at the sight of him, switching your engine off and gathering your things as quickly as possible to scramble out of the car.

“Spencer! How are you? How is your mom? I hope you both had the most wonderful day!” You chime, speeding over to the door and instinctively opening your arms to pull him into a hug, but faltering when you see the flowers. “What’s this?”

Spencer takes a deep breath. “It’s a thank you, or the start of one.”

You frown, your arms falling to your sides. “Spencer, you never need to thank me, not for-”

He shakes his head, stopping you in your tracks. “Believe me, just one bouquet is not enough to thank you for everything you’ve done for me, for the person that you are, but I hope these are a start.” He holds the flowers out to you and with a soft smile, you take them from him.

“Thank you.”

“Thank you!” Spencer corrects you. “For everything, every moment you’ve spent with me, every word you’ve ever said to me, every smile you’ve ever given me- Thank you for the flowers you sent my mom, I have never known anyone who would think to do something so incredibly kind. Most of all, I want to thank you for taking such good care of my heart ever since the day we met, when you stole it right out of my chest.”

Tears sting your eyes at his words, his gratitude and the feelings that pour so freely from his lips after so long, the sentiments you have been desperate to hear from the moment you first saw him.

“Spencer, you really, really don’t need to thank me for anything, but for the sake of agreeing to disagree, you are welcome. And, for the record, it is an honor to take care of your heart. Thank you for letting me borrow it.” You say, voice gentle, somewhat afraid of the potential desire he may have to create some distance between you, having realized how close the two of you actually are.

“Oh, I don’t want it back. Not ever, in fact. Not having a heart does have its drawbacks, though, so, if you are happy to keep ahold of mine, would you do me the honor of letting me take care of yours in return?” Spencer asks, a playful smile on his face that you are more than happy to return.

“My, my, I never thought the day would come when I would know something that the smartest man in the world doesn’t!” You grin at him, his own smile widening with yours, urging you to continue. “Spencer, my heart ran from me and straight to you the second I laid eyes on you.”

As your words sink in, his jaw drops slightly, as though genuinely in disbelief at how obvious your feelings for each other have been since the start.

A blissful eternity of comfortable silence passes before the genius can find the words he wants to say.

“Well, if I have had your heart all this time, in the same way you’ve had mine, I can’t really take care of your heart as thanks, as I’ve apparently been doing that already.” His voice is hoarse, still coming to terms with the fact that you really do reciprocate his feelings for you.

“So, where does that leave us?” You ask, a teasing tone lacing your words.

“I believe it leaves us here, on your porch, with me afraid to ask you a question.” He answers matter-of-factly.

You chuckle up at him. “Spencer, you don’t ever have to be afraid of asking me anything.”

He swallows nervously, nodding at you before avoiding your eyes and clearing his throat. In his heart, Spencer knows you are right, you usually are, especially when it comes to him, but unfortunately that does little to build his confidence in asking you such a question. Still, he has come this far, he knows he will never be able to sleep again if he backs out this time. Taking a second to compose himself, he lifts his head to meet your patient smile again.

“May I kiss you?”

His question hangs in the air, asked so quietly he wonders if you even heard him, but in truth he knows that regardless of the volume, you would have read his lips and understood him immediately. He was, is and continues to be your favorite book to study.

You are smiling so hard your face hurts, but you don’t care at all. Quite frankly, nothing matters in this moment except for the question Spencer just asked you. And after the confidence he conjured to put that request to you, who are you to deny him?

“Of course you can, whenever and wherever you like.” You answer, just as quietly as he had posed his question.

Spencer’s stomach somersaults as he takes the one step required to close the space between you, relishing every microsecond that it takes to lift his hands and cup your face, stare into your very soul closer than he ever has before. Closing his eyes, the image of you remains as clear as day, so ingrained in his mind that on the rare occasion something else is at the forefront of his thoughts, you are always in the background, like his favorite song that plays continually, serving as the soundtrack to his life. He leans in and is surprised when he meets your lips half a second earlier than anticipated. When Spencer concludes another half a second later that you have stood on your tiptoes to meet him in his descent to your lips, his heart flutters in his chest. He feels your hands holding his against your face, then lifting to run through his curls, tugging gently at them as his own hands lower to your waist, effortlessly guiding you back until you are against your front door. Butterflies and fireworks of every color swirl in and around the two of you, encapsulating you in your own isolated universe, safe and tucked away from anything and everything else, save for thoughts of each other and every unsaid word that can now be told in a language the two of you have never known before. As the kiss deepens, your passion for each other raises the stakes of the situation substantially and the tension makes it difficult for either of you to breathe.

Pulling away from Spencer just enough to see his face, you make a breathless observation. “Hold on a minute, gentlemen don’t kiss like that.”

Chuckling darkly, he rests his forehead against yours. “Speaking as a profiler as well as a gentleman, I can assure you that I am very much capable of reading your body language and kissing you in accordance with whatever your body asks of me.”

Managing to regain control of your breathing, you nod your head against his. “Speaking as a profiler and as someone that knows you incredibly well, I don’t doubt that for a single second, Doctor Reid.”

Smirking, Spencer lowers his head to brush his lips against yours, breath fanning your face and raising goosebumps in his wake.

“Good.”

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #x reader #imagine #imagines #fanfic #fanfiction #headcannon #headcannons

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aroseformyself · 5 months

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yandere twst au !¡

⚠️tw: bullying, violence, nsfw, blackmail, yandere, noncon/dubcon, mc is depicted to be small and fragile (im not even like that but it fits with the theme), reader is gn for half then afab for nsfw

. K A L I M A L - A S I M !¡

. the oblivious stalker

. stats

easily angered: 1/10 physical capability: 4/10 gullibility: 8/10 sexual sadism: 1/10

kalim is not used to being told no, so when mc tells him no to hanging out AND leaves him alone after you reject his request, mc can only imagine how confused he is. kalim is one of the most delusional yanderes which can be very dangerous given his position with being rich and all. but lucky for kalim, you can’t avoid him (not that he knew you were avoiding him) when he and jamil go to the library for a tutor session. jamil leaves for a second and comes back after a while, which obviously sparks curiosity in kalim. when he asks however, he doesn’t get a good answer, “nothing important, get back to reading.” kalim doesn’t like not getting his way, so he decides to check it out later, pretending to have to go to the bathroom. this better work because he used all his brainpower on this idea. when he finds mc in the rows of books he smiles and greets mc as if they hadn’t met before. but they walk away again, annoyed.

kalim doesn’t understand what being ignored is because of everyone always giving him attention. so he continues to pursue mc in the halls even though you try to avoid him. until one day he overhears jamil talking to himself about meeting with mc, and he feels anger? he does not like how you talk to jamil and not him, what does jamil have that he doesn’t? kalim suddenly starts trying to watch over how jamil does everything, attempting to mimic his actions when he gets to see mc. like cooking, kalim tries cooking mc a cake of peace to make you like him. but ends up in a disaster because the kitchen would have burned down if not for jamil jumping in and saving him. kalim asks jamil to help him cook something for mc.

when mc comes to scarabia because jamil invited them, kalim is ecstatic. he isn’t happier when he finally gets to hug mc, and talk to them. even if he keeps spacing out. fastforward, jamil overblotted, and kalim felt horrible he couldn’t be there to protect mc. even when he did get back, mc had been violated by jamil. mc now gets overflowing gifts from kalim as payment, jewelry, clothes, help with re-building ramshackle. anything they want they just have to ask. but when mc denies this, saying they can’t do that, it’d be unfair, kalim AND jamil are shocked. kalim now admires mc even more now because of their selflessness. but still, he insists saying there must be one thing they desperately want or need.

mc finally gives in and says re-building ramshackle would be nice. and immediately kalim gets to work calling people who can help mc out with theur problem. and the next week is followed by ramshackle getting remodled into a better and non-creaky house. (much to someone elses dismay). mc continually thanks kalim for helping them out, and kalim tries to tell them it’s fine. mc tries to repay him and kalim chooses to make mc his friend, meaning they won’t run away from him.

. J A M I L V I P E Я !¡

. the believes hes doing it for a good cause

. stats

easily angered: 3/10 physical capability: 6/10 gullibility: 1/10 sexual sadism: 6/10

jamil met mc in the library, he often comes here with kalim to study. or at least try to help kalim study. he noted your presence when mc, embarrassingly, tripped and knocked over some books off a shelf, jamil, who had been on the other side of the shelf searching for a new book. was forced into helping mc put them back. even though he tried his best to walk away quickly. he ended up helping them up, scolding mc on being careful afterwards then retreating back to kalim and letting out a long sigh. he honestly didn’t like mc, they were just as oblivious as kalim was, yet mcs face is always stoic… he found it odd, and decided to keep tabs on mc for kalims sake.

mc and jamil both always happen to run into each other at the library, and sit at the same table. not next to each other or anything, he’s over thinking about you wanting to get close to kalim, while poor mc is just trying to find a lead on their homeland. insert montage of multipule days going by and jamil and mc slowly inching towards each other. until one day, they sit mext to each other, no words exchanged, just listening contently to the instrumental music playing in the background. mc and jamil both glance st each other from time to time. neither ever making eye contact but content with the silence, and eventually jamil has to speak up because mc feels way to vulnerable in fromt of him. jamil asks if they cam taste test this new recipe for him, during winter break and possibly stay at scarabia since ramshackle is very old. mc agrees, jamil would dare care them naive for taking such an offer with someone they barely know. so easy to trap…

mc notifies grim about scarabia and they say their byes to everyone. as they finish they head to the kitchen because of grims starving stomach. and help the scarabia students cook. jamil continues to control kalim because he believes that he’s doing this for his sake, mc could still very much want to kill him. althought he has no proof… jamil sends the residents of scarabia to lock mc in the guest room. mc now fully doubts kalim and jamil since they can’t leave scarabia. they have a weird dream of jamil caressing their hair and whispering to them which freaks them out. the walks tire out mc more than the other students and kalim stops “spacing out” for one second, just enough for him to allow mc to climb onto the elephant with him. mc is scared of kalim because of all the yelling he’s already done, but they can’t refuse. jamil silently smirks to himself.

when the octotrio come into play and save mc (albeit they scared), jamil overblots. sending the others to the edge of scarabia, keeping mc and grim, grim was tied up and sitting in a small cage and mc was wearing a deep red, silky, pants and crop top. mc was uncomfy but acted along for the sake of not getting hypnotized. mc was forced to feed jamil grapes and sit on his lap, while the resident took orders from jamil. soon power gets way into jamils head and he asks mc to give him compliments. mc, seeing their “friends” back, plays along and ends up kissing him when kalim accidentally knocks over grims cage. a successful distraction and jamil gets knocked out by floyd who swung a platter way to hard. when jamil wakes up he can only apologize for his actions and repay mc…

(slight nsfw!¡)

you look out into the desert, your friends getting sent so far back they are out of sight. you force yourself not to sink onto your knees and stand up, facing jamil yourself. jamil smirks, waving his hand in grims direction and bringing him into the air, “hey! hey!” grim shouts, flailing around.

”wait! don’t hurt him!” you put your hands up in front of you, waving them back and forth to get the point across. jamil stops smirking, and glances st grim, “and what will you do to repay me for it?”

off the top of your head you can’t think of anything, so you went with, “anything—anything you want…” the last part is a mere whisper. jamil takes it though, locking grim up in a cage and putting a tie around him. you sigh, relieved for a second, until jamil wraps a hand around you and brings you closer. you feel the clothes around you slowly change into silk, a deep red, “i always knew red fit you better.” jamil stated, referring to when kalim gave you a blue outfit.

jamil slowly pulls you into his lap, and you followed thinking it was better to go along then be controlled. jamil buried his face in the crook of your neck, and softly cupped your heat, making a little gasp come out of you. you reflexively gripped his arm and attenpted to pull it away. jamil started rubbing his finger against you through the silk. you glance at grim to see him still struggling with his eyes closed, you really don’t want him to see you like this. “j-jamil…!” you cried, trying to stop him.

jamil didn’t stop, “can i rub one out of you? are you truly that sensitive?” he asked condescendingly, and he could, within seconds you were coming around nothing. your face heated up, and jamil cooed at you, “aw, don’t feel bad, i find it extremely cute.” as if it were making you feel better.

jamil turns you around, holding your heat against him, “jamil…” you choke back a sob, you glance over at grim and see him faced the other way, staring at your friends! they came back! …you can only hope they didn’t witness that mess…

kalim swiftly grabs grims cage but drops it to the floor with a loud bang, jamil is about to turn around when you kiss him. floyd comes from behind, knocking him out.

after jamil apologizes and explains his sad backstory, the octotrio decide to take you and grim back to ramshackle. azul holds grim while the furball sleeps, walking beside you while the tweels follow close behind. however, you realize you never should have trusted them,

when floyd slides a hand down your pants and presses his fingers against you, “poor shrimpys got their boxers/panties fuullllll of cum~”…

#smut #twisted wonderland smut #twisted wonderland #aroseformyself #yandere twisted wonderland #jamil x reader #kalim x reader

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caterkinnie · 2 years

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Hi, may I have some hcs of Deuce and Malleus having a crush on the same person (gn) that's completely oblivious to either of them liking them in a romantic way?

Technically a love triangle?

❥ ⌗ characters: Deuce Spade, Malleus Draconia.

❥ ⌗ tags: they both like you, but you're too oblivious to realize their feelings. sliiiightly angsty in some parts, mentions of insecurities, you decide what happens basically, malleus slander if you squint (affectionately)

❥ ⌗ a/n: love this idea this is an unusual pair of characters like with a prompt like this I would have imagined leona or smthing but this is so much more creative tbh also you can tell that im biased

Malleus wasn't surprised nor he felt intimidated after finding out about your friend's feelings.

After all, it only was a matter of time before one of your friends eventually fell for you, since they spend so much time around you. Actually, he was actually surprised about Deuce being the only one with feelings for you.

But Malleus does not think this is a problem, instead it's an opportunity to show how capable he is above all your other classmates. It's clear he doesn't think of Deuce as a rival.

It's so obvious he tries to one-up Deuce with his big gestures. Constantly giving you expensive gifts. Honestly I have no idea how you still haven't noticed how down bad he is for you.

Deuce on the other hand is oblivious to Malleus liking you, until Ace points it out.

He greatly respects Malleus, but this makes him feel awkward around Malleus, and the prince's attitude towards him doesn't make it any better… He's seen Malleus ominously staring at him more than once and it unnerves him a lot.

He won't make any advances on you, that's not his thing. Even if Ace tried to force him (until he found out about Malleus) he literally CAN'T be smooth and confident like Malleus. His endearingly awkward attitude is his forte, since he constantly makes you laugh (in a good way) and Deuce can't help but go simp mode every time he sees you smile.

Both of them are… incredibly obvious, and you've noticed how every time those two are in the same room everything feels tense. Not Deuce's fault though, he's mostly nervous trying to act tough—

One day Ace started joking about how he shouldn't give up and that maybe he had a chance, and y'know— Deuce took it seriously!

So he started taking this weird rivalry seriously...

While Malleus' easiest love language is gift-giving, Deuce's love language is acts-of-service, so he's constantly trying to be useful to you.

Now that the rivalry has settled up… What's next?

It's been quite a while since both of them started courting you but… the problem is that you're totally and completely oblivious to everything.

Everyone KNOWS except you, and that's extremely frustrating for them. They're constantly asking their friends for help, but their only advice is to just confess!

After like 3 months of trying they're just like 🤝 and it's like— you're not going to notice, the one who confesses first wins. The problem is…. confessing.

It takes a lot of preparation for one of them to confess.

While they like to act tough on the outside, both of these guys are terrified of rejection. Neither of them would like to have their friendship ruined by their unrequited love.

But if they do confess…

Malleus would write a love letter; he wishes to tell you how you make him feel, how special you are to him and how you changed the way he views the world. You took his loneliness away and everyday Malleus craves to see you, and he only wishes to make you happy, to make you feel the same joy you give him.

Deuce on the other hand would try to confess and get incredibly nervous— then start improvising, and it'd work!

You see, he trusts his friends greatly, even though they're awful at giving dating tips.

They constantly try to teach him how to be 'attractive' and 'cool' and he tries his best— but it just never works!

He had this cool and romantic cheesy confession planned. But he got nervous and forgot every single thing he was supposed to say. His only option was to improvise, it didn't matter how hard it was going to be, he just needed to tell you about how he truly felt.

Deuce always wanted to tell you how grateful he is to have met you. Whenever he feels insecure you're there for him, motivating him to continue even when he doesn't feel like he's good enough. Deuce admires you A LOT, and that admiration is now his strong love for you.

In conclusion: Malleus is an idiot who thinks he's incredibly attractive and cool and definitely the best option while also just relying on subtlety and refusing to be direct, and Deuce is a hot-cold going between being confident about having a chance with you and overly insecure after just existing near Malleus.

#twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland imagines #twst #disney twst #twst headcanons #malleus draconia x reader #malleus draconia #deuce spade x reader #deuce spade

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equarretedddd · 10 months

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my headcanons and ideas regarding the backstory and the families of Abigail, Charles and Dick’s work trio (ive been thinking about this idea since 2021 andd now i want to complete it to the end lmao)

ABIGAIL

i see her childhood as rather unremarkable and ordinary.

she could live in some farm or country surrounded by warm wind and fields of wheat ears. she had a full family of father, mother and several siblings (presumably brothers). i assume that Abi noticeably lacked female maternal care and warmth, because her mother, although she could be quite caring and loving, was chained by some complex chronic disease that took a lot of time and effort. Abigail could often be surrounded by a male family side in the form of a father and brothers who could make fun of her sometimes, but nevertheless be an important part of her life (they would stand up for her and she would stand up for them too). her father could be quite a serious and strict person (maybe hes a cop i havent decided yet!), but Abi had a support and a role model, whom she could rely on and from whom she could feel moral support and understanding.

i see Abi’s rise up the career ladder as quite gradual and smooth. from an amateur family interest in music, she began to be interested in this on a more conscious level, that is, studying at the conservatory, time-consuming work and possibly establishing partnerships with other people.

2. DICK

i see his childhood as quite poor and not particularly enviable, maybe he was from an immigrant family where there was barely enough to pay the bills.

however, he was a pretty capable kid who was open to develop! he was quite willing to reach for knowledge and skills, tried to be interested in many things and dreamed of becoming successful, i actively see him as a geek and a technician! but perhaps, he was not particularly supported and helped in this, he had to resort to various kinds of offenses, he could just get used to it and consider it the only working way out (this does not justify him ikr hahaha).

nevertheless, he was insanely oppressed by his social status, he felt like an unaccepted and rejected outcast who would be shunned all his life. i guess thats how he got close to a successful career, getting involved with crime and mistreatment of people, because it WORKED. he looks like a man who seems to be boasted of his success, like "look at me im rich and i have achieved everything i wear in vulgar glamour clothes and hang out with hot girls and rich guys", but in fact he just went head over heels from the inability to cope with everything piled on him and the the cult of success and achievement gradually deprived him of humanity.

3. CHARLES

btw i really like the theory that he is somehow related to Salacia, i hope that something will be told about it! but i will try to push off from something else.

Charles himself looks like a person who… had been ready ALL his life for his purpose and responsibilities to be responsible for other people's lives (it concerns not only Dethklok because he literally holds the global economy and is responsible for almost half of the things that are related to the world situation). i see him as the son of a wealthy family with a very large family tree (cmon he fenced in college). he probably did a lot of things in his childhood that related to weapon control, self-defense and protection (this is even if we dont talk abt legal, economic, managerial, social and other shit that he had to deal with).

i literally see him as an indigo child who obviously always knew what he needed to do and he aspired to it through blood, tears and sweat. probably, he did not see any other way out and did not imagine what could be an alternative to this, although perhaps he was faced with a strong identity crisis when he did not understand why he was doing all this and whether this was really the essence of his existence, bcs, probably, others actively pushed participated in Charles' achievements and prospects. in general it was as if his entire subsequent life was built for him from the very beginning.

#metalocalypse #dethklok #mtl #abigail remeltindtdrinc #dick knubbler #charles foster offdensen

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captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship · 1 year

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im new to the acotar fandom but my goodness my heart just melts for gwynriel ❤️ ive been reading some posts on gwynriel/elriel and heres a couple of observations:

1. az for sure lusted over elain, but i dont think he has real feelings for her. or if he thinks he does, its not genuine. it felt like he sort of force himself or lied to himself to have those feelings bc of the fact that az mentioned the 3 brothers and 3 sisters pairing to rhys when he told az off for kissing elain.

2. if sjm straight up said that lucien and elain are mates, that means someone is az’s mate. she may or may not be introduced in the book yet (hoping its gwyn). we all know how much az longs for a mate. once his mating bond snaps to whoever it is, do we really think he would reject or abandon his mate? for elain? this is a guy whos practically desperate for a mate. i dont think he would just choose elain over her bc he lusted over elain for a little while.

Sorry I have left this in my ask box for a million years!!!

yay! I am glad that you love gwynriel too <3 they are such a unique couple and encompass a lot of traits from my favorite SJM couples to create their own dynamic and I cannot wait to see it play out in canon <3

Azriel is a tragic and extremely damaged character. He was denied the love of his mother as a child, and was treated like trash by his family. He never knew love and comfort in his formative years, and all these years later he has never had a healthy attachment to a female. He developed a savior complex at a young age. What people don't realize is that as a coping mechanism for this lack of healthy attachments as a child, he has only ever fallen for women who are emotionally unavailable and he subconsciously knows will never love him back. He fell for Mor because she was miserable in her life and was everything that he couldn't be: warm, bright, and capable of love. He saved her in a way that he couldn't save his mother and took those attachment issues and latched them on to Mor. I think Az knows that she is bi, but subconsciously tortured himself with the idea of this unrequited love because if he lets go of it, he has to finally come to terms with his childhood trauma.

Mor shows time and time again that she can take care of herself, and when she slept with Helion I think that it snapped something in Az that was just a drop of water in the waterfall of his emotional turmoil. Instead of dealing with his trauma and emotions, he finds his next target to transfer his attachment and self loathing issues to and that is Elain. Azriel holds the mating bond in high regards- to the point that he is so worked up about Elain's that he thinks the Cauldron might be wrong. Because he believes that the only way for another female to return his love is for them to be bound to him (which is incredibly unhealthy). However, the scent of the mating bond between Elain and Lucien bothers him so much because he KNOWS that Elain could never be his the way he wants a female to be- but it is easier to keep in the same 500+ year torture pattern than to break the mold. Being with Elain would only further his emotional attachment issues because Elain will always be attached to Lucien in some way- even if she breaks the bond. She will never be fully his like he so desperately craves.

We all know by now that SJM is a fated mates writer and is someone is mated to another, she takes the time to craft the couple's personalities to fit with each other without being the same. Lucien is one of her favorite characters- for him not to end up with his mate that she has spent years talking about them as a couple together and how they will heal is shortsighted on a lot of the anti-elucien stans.

This is the beauty of Gwynriel. Az saved gwyn, but did not form a romantic attachment to her. Then, unlike with any other female, he trains her in a group and privately. Az respects Gwyn as a person first, not as an unattainable love. He trusts her to get herself out of situations (look at the blood rite) and pushes her to do more. His shadows, which are a physical manifestation of his inner darkness and his soul, dance and play and are intrigued by Gwyn in a way they have never been with anyone else. Gwyn and Az will be the ACOTAR friends to lovers couple. They will build a foundation of friendship that blurs into being in love with each other. For Az to truly get over his trauma, he and gwyn need to choose each other for who they are without a bond, and then a bond can snap later. He needs to have someone love him without any strings attached.

(Feysand is enemies to lovers, Nessian is grumpy x sunshine, Gwynriel is friends to loves, Elucien is reluctant soulmates and second chance romance, and Emorie is chosen soulmates).

In the bonus chapter, SJM clearly puts the nail in the coffin for E/riel with her use of negative prose and Rhys (who in her mind can do no wrong) warning Azriel off of Elain. Then SJM shows us the interaction with gwyn and has positive prose and connotations noted in their interactions, that he feels at peace and something settles within him. She basically just threw in a million different phrases that she used previously for mated couples to tell us "LOOK HERE. LOOK AT THIS." And then she said in an interview that it would be obvious who the next book was about? I am sold its an Azriel book. I don't think elain has hit her rock bottom yet. In ACOMAF, Feyre hits her rock bottom, in ACOSF, Nesta is at hers, in HOF Celeana is at hers, and at the end of ACOSF Azriel is at his. If she set up the next book to truly be Elain's then she would have added elain into ACOSF and made her a more prominent character. Instead, the next two who have the most page time other than Nesta and Cassian are Azriel and Gwyn. Which mirrors what she did for Nessian in ACOWAR. Every pattern says that the next book is the gwynriel book.

Sorry that this kinda turned into a rant lol

#thanks for letting me word vomit #i have intense thoughts #gwynriel #gwynriel supremacy #elucien #anti e*riel #anti e/riel #azriel is a deeply scarred character

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ghostcrows · 1 year

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That being said I do wanna talk about something here because I feel like people here might get it more than other places

I'm really sort of grappling with I guess actually accepting that I heavily exhibit BPD symptoms and have for years, like to the point that regardless of my feelings toward that diagnosis and who gives it out and their reasons for it - and despite my reservations toward any type of official diagnosis -AND despite feeling like I prematurely diagnosed myself as a teen and then avoiding the label altogether - I just want to treat the symptoms so that things can get better.

It's very isolating. I feel things incredibly intensely. It doesn't just go away it rattles my whole body physically for days or weeks. When I get attached to people it becomes unbearable for me and eventually, almost inevitably, for that person too

I struggle with what I think must be splitting, where...I think it's not quite as black and white as splitting is presented as where I absolutely hate someone or I absolutely love someone, but it's very close. Usually it's this conflicting mess of both at the same time, this very ugly place where resentment (founded or unfounded) meets complete idolization. It's not a position anybody deserves to be put in and I try to keep it to myself but, it's hard to hide intense feelings. People can usually tell when you're acting moody and weird even if you think you've got a good handle on it. And its incredibly overwhelming

And of course I've got abandonment issues lol...kind of the root of the whole thing right...and of course it becomes self fulfilling prophecy you know how that is...very annoying. Very unfair

And...I can be meaner than I like to think I'm capable of...it's usually a subtle thing but that's probably honestly worse. It's the kind of mean where I can even convince myself I'm not really being mean..but I am. Like. I'm certainly not being nice...and it comes from honestly usually just not knowing how to communicate that I'm in some weird fucking mood. When you tell people you're in a mood a lot of the time they're like oh whats up what's wrong and sometimes yeah you can talk about it to feel better but sometimes there's just nothing. You're just in some damn ass mood. It has not much to do with anything. And when you're in those moods it's hard to be around people and not be irritable and nasty. But it's also hard to be alone with it. And if you isolate you start to feel like a monster who needs to be locked up so that you don't hurt anybody. It's difficult to constantly be in some weird headspace that alienates you from other people.

And im impulsive in like...not quite as extreme ways as severe BPD but I have been there before where I was doing some of those things. It's more things like sending people 20000 texts a second or just like Reacting without stepping away and then having things immediately escalate. Getting to where I'm angry enough that I break things and i hurt myself. Not being able to sit with an unpleasant feeling. Not being able to handle criticism or rejection well

All of that to say... that it is a struggle and it's something I'm looking for good resources on. I'm trying out some self help DBT workbooks to see if that does anything for me. I don't know if I want to try CBT again I don't know how much it helped before but I know most therapists do CBT now ... I keep hearing about EMDR as some magical fuckin miracle treatment but I still barely know what it is. I'm not currently interested in being on medications but I'm not 100 percent against it either. Im at a crossroads with the very idea of therapy where I do think I need it but I also don't know how much it can realistically do for me or if I can find somethijg or someone that works for me. And also I can't afford it rn lol.

So um, if you struggle with this sort of stuff too just like feel free to DM me because I'd really like to talk about it with people who get it. And if you have anything that has helped you with these types of symptoms please feel free to share it. I will look into it

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tadpolesonalgae · 8 months

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CBMTHY is quite literally my favorite thing right now, the past 3 parts you've posted I've hidden in the bathroom at work and read (sometimes twice) and I genuinely can't get enough. I love angst and your writing definitely fulfills that craving i have for it (please do more eventually).

You have such a realistic (delightful may i add) portrayal of azriel's not so good tendencies. i feel like he would push away someone who genuinely likes him away in favor of someone unobtainable. especially if she wasnt traditionally beautiful compared to someone like elain who could bring kings to their knees, nesta who is so effortlessly graceful and stoic, and feyre who is literally high lady and bagged not one, not two but THREE highlords (she could've had tarquin if she wanted lets be so forreal).

In comparison anyone would be plain, so reader being overlooked makes sense. And so az getting jealous that she of all people is getting attention from males after learning about her initial attraction to him is PERFECT. Because elain doesn't like him back, not with her having a mate and def not now that she knows her sister likes him. So azriel. to feel better about his rejected advances uses reader's affections to validate himself.

And don't even get me started on Eris 😭 this is the best writing for him ive seen. because hes an ass, he knows hes an ass. but with the way reader fought back against him after the swan incident you can practically FEEL that hes pleasantly surprised because who in their right mind is that unfiltered in front of a future highlord? and its only cemented with the conversation about the orrery. if he knew it bothered azriel on a personal level im sure he would do even more things for reader, (which id love to see), but i think that his gift in this most recent part is evidence enough that he respects her far more than az has in his entire time of knowing reader.

i definitely want to see azriel grovel, but i dont want her to accept it. she deserves to be respected by someone from day one. someone who can challenge her and match her energy, and i think that eris is that person long term. *maybe bas for short term ;) *

anyway, thank you so much if you read this. i look forward to reading your next part while hiding away at work

-a new reader 🤠

🥹🫂 well I really hope it continues to be as fulfilling as you’ve so far found it to be!

‘please do more eventually’

Going down a slightly more depressing path, I have found myself speculating about some other fic ideas that, quite frankly, I’m not sure they would even still count as angst? They seem to be leaning much more into general misery with no redemption? And I’m kind of liking it?

Returning to the whole idea of mental illness within the acotar universe, I’m wondering about self-esteem, too? Everyone in the Inner Circle has a “use” I guess? I’m wondering what it would be like to be surrounded by such powerful, capable people for two years and being the only one who has nothing to show for the time spent feeding off their charity.

Eris really scares me in terms of writing his character with a semblance of realism 😭

We haven’t really gotten a chance to see him being “nice” to anyone which makes me wary of a potential relationship between him and Reader? It’s a stressful like to walk, is what I’m saying, so I’m happy you’re finding it believable 🧡💛

‘if he knew it bothered azriel on a personal level im sure he would do even more things for reader’

Definitely agree with you there 🤭

‘i look forward to reading your next part while hiding away at work’

Well, I’ve been trying to get started on part 7 so hopefully you won’t have to wait too much longer (just make sure you don’t get caught🧡💛)

#🤠 anon <3 #🤠#CBMTHY

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lemonhemlock · 1 year

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okay ik you’ve been disappointed in hotd’s depiction of aegon and you’re against the idea of him ‘going darker’ so to speak in s2- if i can play devil’s advocate, im actually super stoked for it (you’re welcome to delete and move on, it’s your blog and you didn’t ask for contradictory opinions! im encroaching here lol. you’re def not required to even read this at all)

obviously hotd has made aegon the ‘villain’ so to speak (there’s a hundred arguments to that and i agree with a lot of them but from the pov of a casual showfan, he’s a rapist and he likes to watch little kids fight 🤷‍♀️) i think the time skips in s1 did a lot of damage to building relationships beyond the primary rhaenicent/daemyra, and the greens kids suffered the most. we see glimpses of aegon/aemond’s relationship, but helaena never gets to speak to either of her brothers (l m a o) and alicent gets limited screentime with them as adults. daeron is, well, non existent. what we get of aegon’s role is that he seems to be the troublemaker/problem child- the way alicent reacts with dyana suggested (to me) that this isn’t a first time occurrence, and it’s more of her being at the end of her rope than experiencing the shock that her son is capable of this.

the show doesn’t do a great job of balancing the actual depiction of aegon we see on screen (he’s kind of a large adult failson) vs the one other characters tell us about. i understand the reasons why, but it creates this disjointed feeling of the sad/rejected boy vs this monster other people are trying to say he is. i think when we see the coronation, and he receives this uninterrupted love for the first time in his life, it’s gonna be a joffrey-esque situation at least in terms of this unstable manchild getting absolute power. it’s going to change his dynamics with his family for sure- ik you’ve talked about alicent/aegon and aegon/aemond roles, and tbh im excited to see him claim that power in those relationships. i think it’ll be a large shift from s1, because now he has the idea of acceptance and admiration from the public, and his own family has given him the crown! they’ve doomed themselves to his actions in a way

anyway this is long 😔 i get people dislike how he’s written in the show (totally understandable!!) but with what we’re given i must confess i can’t wait to see him go nutso, especially after blood & cheese. the idea of the greens infighting but still being a force to contend with in the war at whole is delicious to me lmao!!

Hello there!

I'm actually not opposed to him going darker, I just think there are more interesting ways of doing that, ways that don't involve further brutalizing two female characters that already have it pretty rough canonically. There's no need to add to that - it would kind of feel like what D&D did to Sansa by giving her Jeyne Poole's storyline with Ramsey, after escaping KL and Joffrey's abuse. Just unnecessary and cheap shock value. For whomever is interested, I went into further detail here, here and here.

The show doesn’t do a great job of balancing the actual depiction of aegon we see on screen (he’s kind of a large adult failson) vs the one other characters tell us about. i understand the reasons why, but it creates this disjointed feeling of the sad/rejected boy vs this monster other people are trying to say he is.

I do agree with this. On screen he behaves in a certain way, off-screen we are told he is different.

i think when we see the coronation, and he receives this uninterrupted love for the first time in his life, it’s gonna be a joffrey-esque situation at least in terms of this unstable manchild getting absolute power. it’s going to change his dynamics with his family for sure- ik you’ve talked about alicent/aegon and aegon/aemond roles, and tbh im excited to see him claim that power in those relationships. i think it’ll be a large shift from s1, because now he has the idea of acceptance and admiration from the public, and his own family has given him the crown! they’ve doomed themselves to his actions in a way

My main gripe with this is that I don't want another Joffrey. What would be the point in that? :)) They shied away from turning Alicent into a Cersei-clone, why turn Aegon into a Joffrey-clone? They don't even have the same origin story - yes, both were ignored by their fathers, but Joffrey never craved his mother's affection, because he already had it; Cersei doted on him and was very indulgent. Joffrey never had the sword of Damocles hanging over his head because there was another claimant endangering his life. Also, Joffrey is not really shown to be particularly awful towards Myrcella either; she's more or less nonplussed by his existence.

Even when Cersei admonished him and he had his power trips, he never really did anything to her, it was just posturing. He didn't really have the balls to go against his mother, because deep down he knew she was always on his side and there wasn't anything to gain by that? As soon as things got tough, he was the first to cower behind her skirts. Furthermore, Joffrey's entire power comes from the Lannisters - how is he going to piss off Lannister Girl #1 and, by extension, Lannister Patriarch #1? It's very much a case of "fuck around and find out". When Tywin came back to KL, he made quick work of containing Joffrey and there was fuck-all "the king" could do about it. All of Joffrey's awfulness is extended outside his family, apart from Tyrion - although, we should note that he doesn't always have the guts to go against Tyrion all the time either and is even disciplined by his uncle a few times.

Similarly, it doesn't really make sense for the Hightowers to be such pushovers because Aegon decides to act like a prick. Aegon's entire powerbase comes from Oldtown. Yes, Aegon has an advantage over Joffrey because he has a dragon, but he can very much be locked in his room or not allowed entry to the Dragonpit if he acts like a little shit. And what would he even do with his dragon anyway - burn his family members? Come on. There should be Hightower guards sworn to Otto and Alicent swarming the place, just like Cersei had her personal army of Lannister soliders sent by Daddy. Anything else doesn't make sense. Erryk and Arryk have already manhandled Aegon, Aemond gave him a black eye, Criston would backhand him so fast if he were mean to Alicent?

I mean, I'm not in the writing room, and they ultimately can write whatever they want and bend themselves over backwards explaining it, but they've set Aegon up so far to be a different character, so why not act like it? And, if not, at least respect the internal logic of the fictional setting, because I don't see why Aegon should have unfettered access to power right now either. He has literally zero allies at court and no network of support apart from what his Hightower relatives have built for him.

No worries, I don't even disagree with you on principle - I'd like to see ~the darkness, but there are more novel ways to go about it rather than abusing his family members (if that's the way they even intend to go! bc all of this is speculation anyway LOL). I don't mind him scuffling it out with Aemond, but I would hate to see the greens' love and loyalty for one another erased for some gratuitous cliche villain plotline.

Not to mention that the other side is most likely going to be Sainted Rhaenyra as the most wonderful mother to Hero Jace, who loves & respects & would die for her + everyone mourning Rhaenys as a war hero, loving (grand)mother, dutiful wife and queen-who-never-was, everyone vowing to avenge her. Meanwhile Alicent is going to be painted again like the most failed mother in the world, daily regretting her decision to crown her son and weeping after Rhaenyra, the most capable queen that ever was robbed.

And I just don't think that would be a v good story. 😫

#i have a ton of other post criticizing their choices for egg's characterization so i'm not getting into that again 😅#aegon ii targaryen #ask #anon #anyway i was NOT expecting to turn into an aegon girlie at the beginning of the show but here i am #hotd critical [aegon]

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the-hoziest-archive · 2 years

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im telling my physician i have no problems with my own self esteem but i feel rejected/unlikeable/etc personal relationships struggles etc etc that what i am lacking is friendship and companionship like i don't want to feel like im always falling short of a meaningful relationship.

and she's like it seems you have some skewed negative ideas like???? yeah???? obviously????

it's so hard to explain

i like myself i think of myself very highly actually i told her a lot of positive things about myself i said i think im funny and im fun im smart im kind im a good friend and a good partner and im talented and capable etc etc i didn't comment on my physical appearance but that's fucking great too 10/10 would bang

and it's been a long and difficult journey to regain all of that fierce confidence i was probably gifted with as a newborn thank you fairy godmother muah :* i said that it was slowly beaten out of me by people by school by family by friends and im getting it back now i feel confident like never before if anything i can be a little arrogant but i can be a little arrogant as a treat lmao

the only thing i don't understand is why other people don't seem to like me very much and im saying that as objectively as possible im saying that in the way i am looking at the people in my life who come and go and why no one seems to stick around very long im saying that it seems to me other people aren't struggling quite as much and that's not a judgement im making by looking at instagram im looking at my friends and their friends etc im saying that in the way even when people seem to like hanging out and enjoy my company suddenly one day it's gone and i don't know why that happens

there's just something about all of this i don't understand. im somehow too self aware and not enough and im tired of wondering why. i like myself just fine and i don't want to change to be accepted i won't compromise on my self. it just seems like i have to also accept that there's only very few people who genuinely want me around, and want me to be there IRL and can tolerate my presence for a long time and can show me or tell me. what i am to them. where do I fit in their life. am i wanted or tolerated am i liked or am i loved am i a priority or an afterthought am i missed am i tiring.

i can accept that i might never be wholly wanted and i can split myself between people for friendship and love and affection and companionship and support and sex and play and whatever else i get that im simply too much for one person to handle yeah im polyam sure

but the truth is. i'd settle for just one

#empty your sadness like you're dumping your purse on my bedroom floor #emma.txt

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mauerbauertraurigkei · 5 months

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i am really really distressed about my friend rn uuugh. she’s just completely uninterested in helping herself and making good decisions for herself at the moment and it’s really hard to watch. she is not utilizing any of her support systems and even actively rejecting any help or expressions of care and concern. she’s always in a bad mood, and if she’s not she voluntarily puts herself in situations that she knows will piss her off, and takes it out on others. she goes into situations with specific expectations that either aren’t realistic or aren’t communicated, setting herself up to have her day ruined when things ultimately don’t go her way.

it’s only been getting worse so our relationship has been strained and finally i snapped at her cause i was sick of the whole cycle and it resulting in me getting treated badly. which obviously didn’t go well because when it comes down to it she absolutely can’t deal with the energy that she gives other people when it’s pointed back at her. either way, im not proud of my behavior and i know i made her feel terrible. i apologized and said i would like to talk to resolve our issues, and she said she needs more time to think before she’s ready to talk. im of course happy to give her as much time as she needs, because i want this discussion to be well thought out. so that’s where we’re at now.

except she reached out to me the other day implying that she would be coming to a gathering im hosting, one that she had already established she wasn’t coming to. and uuuuugh i really don’t want her to come. its a chill gathering with just our friend group, which she is a part of and she deserves to be there. but i just think it’s a bad idea when our issues between us are still unresolved. PLUS her ex is gonna be there, and she knows that, and she has expressed that she doesn’t want to be in the same room as him because she’s still mad at him and is not ready to talk to him. which that’s a whole other can of worms that i might get into in another post, but as a friend group it really has nothing to do with us. there is no reason for us to choose between the two of them and she knows this. overall, i think her coming to the gathering is another way for her to put herself in a situation that will upset her, and it’s ultimately a trap for all of us because i don’t think we’re capable of delivering on whatever expectations she may have, with the way things are now. even telling her not to come is a trap. she KNOWS it’s not a good idea, but if i tell her as such that’s another opportunity for her to blow up at me.

im just in a lose-lose situation rn and im frustrated because i care a lot about her but i dont want her to treat me or our friends like shit

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abyxbby · 2 years

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i always share existing content but never find myself typing out much anything all on my own.

25 years doesn't seem like it's that much time at all it seems at least to any individual with a full long life already tucked in nice & secure under their belt. i've always been very much so self aware, i guess that's just the reason why i want to die too.

the first 5 or so years on this planet the only things i knew where i felt were loneliness & bewilderingly unfit. i always knew there was not a single place in which id ever actually belong. the next 2.5 years only gave those feelings more permanence, i still clearly recall the ugly dark places my mind would wander off to late at night tucked sweet n sound in the toddler bed adjacent my sisters. even though i didn't know about it then, it's like some force from inside of me knew for a fact that a soul at such a young age should even be capable of thoughts & feelings with so much complexity, i was just as ill as i am now back then, i really haven't seen one aspect of this life without these painfully heavy & ridiculously damaging lenses given to me from the moment of my birth.

i am yet again more than sad within my time here where all i can manage to be is inconvenience & disregarded due to how different i am compared to the vast majority of this dull world. i'm seen as a real quack job, a nut case. which over time seems to give any person with which crosses my path the idea that they have any right to label me as a manipulator, i was born sick but it's all just that i'm out for attention. i've never known a day thus far without soul shattering levels of pain. even the best of days hurt more than most imagine, i still after all had to experience it while being me.

as far as the message im trying to get across, i couldn't tell ya what the hell it even is. after being isolated from quite literally any & all human contact, after living within the confines of 4 increasingly claustrophobic interior walls, i guess this is just the one place i have left where i feel any kind of safety. between u & i, it's all been set up so when it's deems to be THE time, i'll have more than what i could ever need and best of all being simply just peace of mind. the legwork is done, it's all ready as soon as i am as well. that way, i won't have to scramble ideas, source inventory or even have a chance for a damn soul to get in my way, not a chance to stop me, because at this point all i know is i am absolutely dead set on it, i just want to fucking die.

not too long ago, despite how off it may have seemed at that time, i took the one last attempt to save myself if ever be given again & risked every bit of it all because some boy told me kind things & somehow it did actually feel like I AM finally understood. for the first time of my life it was as if i was worthy & valued, deserving of any others effort & time, and as absolutely stupid of me as it was, i also let myself grow to genuinely love that boy. unfortunately, just like all others in my life, it wasn't ever actually based on the truth or had anything solid within it at all. my last ditch effort to at least find contentment seeing as happiness is too far away still for me as any kind of goal, the only time id be given to literally save my own fucking life, was ripped away in one fast excruciatingly malicious, selfish ass tear of my soul. once again i was no more than what everyone sees of me from the outside, which is never more than some sex fantasy perverted individuals make me into within their own minds, i've never been a single thing other than smokin hot. i'm sure it can sound great at first but being desired physically then consistently rejected mentally & emotionally has killed me entirely at this point already. i see not one reason then as to why i subject my physically form to such torment & misery.

i guess that's why i just won't anymore.

i'm tired. for so long i have kept my head above the water enough to survive while every now & again scream out with my soul in hopes somebody, please help fuck literally anybody please see me because i'm about to go under again n for the very very final time i ever will.

all it ever would've taken to make the universe of a difference for little ole me, is one person who doesn't judge & has enough compassion, just let go of norms bc they don't apply in the least bit when it comes to me just show me i deserve still to be fully embraced.

i've never had a friend this entire time. never more than simply a matter of wanting to fuck me or wanting to fucking be me. oh, my bad there is a lethal dose of pure hate that comes right with it too. and if by chance a soul thats encountered mine happens to come across this, just know yes it's exactly as i've always said & is now while taking in my agony. yeah just to toss it directly in the trash like the funnies from last weeks sunday paper after forgetting day after day i keep meaning to be rid of it.

if anything is to ever be educational & come to serve a purpose from the short & trauma filled years of torment im going to be free from, the most fitting of all it could be is just for human beings to STOP treating other human beings any less than respectfully & regard them with decency, because that's a u would ever want someone else to fucking do for u.

with all this being said it has come time to close up my inner thoughts & exhaust myself just getting by another day with no chance or possible way that i don't have to do the shit and still have to be me.

this is where i always say how much love i have for whom i'm addressing but since i have nothing more than just posts on tumblr saved to my own blag, it feels larger than life to say i dont fucking love shit & the first excitement to run through my body in so so very long comes from finally making the decision to ensure the ending to my very own life.

i won't see this time next year. maybe not even in 6 months. sooner the better in my book.

so long & fuck off to every single last one of u. the reason those who are born into suffering don't stand a chance is all because of selfish close minded tainted vile cruel tasteless hurtful manipulative wastes of good quality pack full of potential clean slate souls.

i hope the world burns and maybe then everyone would feel a touch of what i've endured full force now for every last moment in my 25 years of life.

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c-o-r-r-u-p-t · 10 months

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I know you need to learn that you can live and do everything by yourself. I respect that. But that’s not the case for me. I know I can. I am more than capable of being alone and enjoying my solitude. I chose it for a long time. I don’t chose it anymore. I want someone that wants to take care of me as much as I want to take care of them. Not because we need to be cared for but because it makes us feel loved and appreciated. You don’t want that or aren’t ready for it or whatever it is, but we are not at the same point. I want you and you want a little of everything. Nothing wrong with that but it doesn’t work for me. I have felt small and insecure around you ever since you stopped calling me baby and didn’t let me have a key anymore. I’ve just wanted to get back to how we were but you’ve made it clear that that’s not going to happen so it’s not fair for me to stay around and keep waiting then get upset when it never happens. Youve been clear about what you want, so it’s my own fault. I care about you so much shabbi and I just wanted to be a part of your life. But you never became part of mine. You haven’t met a single friend of mine. Been to my place twice. I don’t even think you have the right idea of who I am because you’ve only seen me with you. I am an entirely different person around other people. And that’s another reason I don’t think this can work. I still have to mask around you. Almost every time I have let it fall, you have met it with rejection. Telling me it’s too much the first time I let you see me dancing in the kitchen. Having a good time with your neighbors but I’m too loud. Can’t be sad around you because I’m just bringing you down. Im a miserable person that doesn’t do anything to fix themselves. A diabolical white person. But also a person who told you they were falling in love with you and you responded “ew why”. Even though you told me you were falling hard for me like two months in. But it’s ridiculous when I say it 4 months later. I realize that the problem is me. I keep trying to give myself to you and you just don’t want me lol. So I can’t keep doing that anymore. I can’t take the way you never kiss back or the way you look like you’re in pain when I say more than two sentences in a row. Then respond with the quickest answer to get the conversation over with. The amount of times I be just stopped talking because I knew you weren’t listening is so sad. And I could go on and on with examples of how you tell me you don’t want me every day. And I have. But you always tell me it’s because you don’t have the most effective love language but I don’t buy it. You used to actually want me, and it was obvious, and it made me so happy. Just watching you be the person you are makes me so happy. I am still in awe of you every single day. But you are not in awe of me. I don’t even think you like me that much. Everything you say about me is negative. You’ve still never told me why you want me around. And I’m pretty sure it’s just because I’m a good support system. That’s why philyne kept me around even though she didn’t want anything to do with me. That’s what’s happening now. You don’t want to lose the support but you don’t want me.

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random-yandere-fandom · 3 years

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How about yandere TC meliodas but a soulmate au where him and the s/o( Fairy and goddess hybrid who fights for stigma) both share a connection to each other, from sharing emotion, to having vision of where they may meet for the first time. This seem like a nice concept, I imagine meliodas is use to constantly feeling pain from training all the way to fighting the war only to have a s/o who is yet to meet him but is willing to send over positive emotion and feeling to make him feel better. Im sucker for this kinds of things.

Oh hell yes, I love soulmate aus! Which is why it got a bit longer than what I normally write (and took so long lol)

Yandere TC Meliodas with soulmate darling

For as long as you can remember there had been a second layer to your emotions that you couldn`t quite grasp, let alone influence. It was just barely there, almost unnoticeable. Annoyance, nonchalance and a deep-rooted but hidden pain. After learning that those belonged to your soulmate, to the being your were destined to meet and love, you were baffled. Three emotions. A few feelings. Was that all they were capable of, or was that all they could allow themselves to? You mused that they felt your surprise and pity and hoped they wouldn`t connect the dots, they didn`t seem like the kind of person to appreciate such sentiments. Nonetheless you wanted to help. If they weren`t able to and didn`t have the opportunity to experience joy, wonder, excitement and a healthy amount of sadness and grief that one felt at ending a wonderful book with no continuation than you would have to do it for them. If they were hurt you could send them comfort and if they were bored you`d jump down a cliff if you must only to open your wings at the last second to send them a dose of mixed excitement and fear and laughter.

Meliodas had known of the concept of soulmates for as long as he could remember. Since then he had always been told that he wouldn`t need them, that demons barely needed their destined partner and only to allow any connection beyond the unavoidable should they be of the same race. He knew that something was wrong with that but in the end he didn`t care enough to do anything about that. So they felt what he did and at some point he`d know where you two would meet. Great. As long as they don`t get in his way and he can do what he must it`d be fine.

He always knew that his range of sentiments were by far not the widest or the happiest but he would do. Meliodas had to. He had to be strong and cold and unfeeling. That did not seem to be the case for his soulmate, however. There were a mix of emotions constantly changing, most of them he hadn`t even experienced himself. They are a bother, he told himself and ignored it. He also ignored the twinge in his chest whenever they felt sad, ashamed or dispirited. Told himself that he was lucky that they weren`t sending feelings consciously, especially when he had to concentrate.

That changed. There was no warning, no prompting, nothing. Meliodas was about to go to sleep when they did it for the first time. They must have felt his exhaustion and either they thought he didn`t deserve to rest or wanted to spite him because the next thing he knew he felt adrenaline coursing through his veins and excitement erupting. Cursing he sat up, trying to calm his racing hearts and suppress that stuff. The emotions promptly calmed down and went into their normal, ignorable state though he could make out some guilt. For good measure he made his annoyance clear before flopping back down and closing his eyes. That didn`t stop a small and rather short lived smile from surfacing.

Was it your best idea? No. Did you think about what you were doing? No. You had felt your soulmate`s fatigue and seeing as it was the afternoon and they didn`t normally feel like that at this certain time you had assumed that they needed a bit of energy. Luckily, you had been sitting on a rather high branch and before you could think it through you had thrown yourself of from it. Upon their rejection though you had quickly stopped your little stunt and the idea that they had wanted to sleep crossed your mind. Ups. This had been the first time you had enforced an emotion and it had gone wrong. Hoping that their first impression of you could still be fixed you laid low for a bit.

The next opportunity presented itself when you had discovered a beautiful small pond in the forest. It was surrounded by rich plant live and some ducks were swimming on it, the sunshine reflected and sparkled on the water’s surface. Deciding that now would be a good opportunity you checked on their emotions. There was no apparent change from normal so it should be fine. Carefully and a lot slower this time you let your admiration seep through to them and being encouraged by the response, which was nothing, you strengthened it, letting yourself enjoy the coolness of the water as you dipped your feet in. Sitting there you shared this feeling, the contrast of the warm light and the refreshing cold, the calmness of the forest, far away from the others and the silence only being broke by the wind and birds in the sky. With all the work you had been doing and the tense atmosphere of your partner the relaxation was welcomed with open arms.

After this first successful interaction you continued, first about once a week and then once a day and soon simply whenever you felt like it. You were a bit disappointed that your soulmate never openly reacted but you had noticed that their feelings had calmed down and that was enough to keep you going. Having long ago realised that they were fighting in the same war, the suspicion and caution mixed with the occasional numbness, you assumed that they numbed their feelings in hopes of suppressing regret, you sent as much comfort as you could. It was gut wrenching whenever you noticed the impassivity but you did your best to help.

Meliodas grew used to it, over time. He even grew to like it, not that he`d ever admit it. Sensing your enforced emotions brought him joy and comfort, knowing that there was someone out there who cared. He sometimes felt guilty about not replying but what did he have to share? So he let the one sided communication continue.

You always made sure to only strengthen positive emotions or small harmless sadness, just to let them know what you were feeling. This time however you feared that you had made a mistake. You were patrolling and you were careless. It was close to enemy territory but there hadn`t been an incident here and there was this beautiful flower in full bloom and you simply had to send your amazement. Doing just that you hovered over the flower, it`s sweet smell calming your mind. The next thing you knew was a sharp pain in your side as you moved away, away from whatever had slashed you.

It was a small demon and you were quickly able to take care of it before healing your wound. Before you could investigate if there were any others you felt their worry. It was overwhelming. For the first time they openly enforced their feelings and it was intense enough that you couldn`t breathe for a moment. You noticed some anger interlaced, too, directed at what had harmed you, you noted. Quickly sending them your calmed frame of mind you searched for any other attackers and upon finding none you returned to report to one of the other goddesses.

Meliodas had been walking down a lonely hallway when you noticed the flower. Humming in acknowledgement he opened the door to his room and froze. Instead of admiration you seemed to be in pain. What had happened? Were you okay? His mind raced as he allowed himself to worry and let that worry reach you. The seconds were he felt your pain, surprise, resignation and caution were agony. After he was assured you were fine he sighed in relief.

After the second time the demon decided that he should contact you more. After his initial worry had subsided he had become anxious. Not only could you be harmed at any time, he had no way of helping you, not without knowing who or where you were. He realised he didn`t know much of you. Was there someone who liked you beside him, someone you liked? He hoped not. You were his. You two were fated to be, no matter how stupid that sounded. However he had no real way of checking, so interacting with you like this had to be enough for now. He also grew more attentive of your passive emotions, not letting a single feeling pass his attention.

It is a well known fact that before you meet your destined other, you envision the place you will first meet. You had been waiting for that day for ages, knowing that soon after you`d finally meet them, your soulmate. They had been so much more communicative and their joy caused by interactions grew day by day. So when you opened your eyes in a supposedly dream and felt closer to them than ever before you knew that your encounter was drawing near.

The first thing you noticed were your surroundings which resembled a patch of woods just on the border to demon territory. It was cold and clouds hung deep over the sky, it was eerily silent. Not the most romantic, you decided, but whatever. Taking a closer look you noticed a figure approaching from the woods, across from you and the border. It was more of a shadow than anything, you could make out the rather small height but any other details didn`t quite seem to be comprehensive or noticeable. So this was them. You smiled, though you could guess that they wouldn`t see that with how they most likely perceived you in a similar way that you could view them. No words were spoken as you stood only meters apart, time seemingly frozen as all you could do was hope that you could stay like this for longer. Neither they nor you moved, fearing that otherwise the bubble would burst and the glass would shatter and you would wake up, more lonely than ever now that you were apart again. You couldn`t speak, somehow knowing that sounds would not travel far here, but you didn`t need to do that, as all you needed was your connection and bond as soulmates. Warmth, affection and joy swirled between you both and almost felt tangible, as if all you needed to do was reach out to drown in these emotions.

When Meliodas found himself in a dream more realistic than any other he wondered what had happened. He wandered a bit before recognising the forest to be the one crossing the border that Stigma established and vehemently defended. Feeling a presence he followed the strange pull, coming across the figure hidden in shadows with wings that couldn`t have been a fairy`s or a goddess`s. Something else or something in between? He didn`t care. All that mattered was the sense of recognition. It was you. His partner. His destined other. His soulmate. His.

Only after waking up did he realise where exactly you both would meet. The verge on which enemies would meet to battle. Where blood was spilled in the constantly ongoing war. The perimeter seemed in tact though, so you at least wouldn`t meet directly on a battlefield. One thing he did know now, however. You stood on opposing sides, Demons against Stigma, darkness against light, him versus you. How cruel to put you so far away from him, Meliodas mused. But if he had to he knew who to betray and who to stay loyal to.

You spend the next days searching for the exact place you two would meet, ignoring the suspicious stares and whispers about, oh, look, the hybrid is slacking of, no wonder. You wondered how they`d react to your soulmate who was undeniably on the opposite force of the conflict. You supposed one of you would have to switch sides and if you couldn`t convince them than you would have to do so. Though with how they ended up emotionally before you interacted you hoped they would agree with you. Even if the others were against it, the higher ups respected your hard work and if that didn`t work you`d ask Elizabeth, who always seemed hesitant about the war and disliked judging others no matter who they were, for help.

Either way, you thought, being prepared wouldn`t hurt. After finally finding the place you hid a small bag full of important belongings and necessities in the trunk of the hollow tree along with a small gift you hoped your soulmate would appreciate. Following the thickening of your bond you had started to feel other and smaller sensations of them and while you were quite distressed with how often they seemed to fight, you couldn`t deny the feeling of joy when you drank a wine and instantly knew that they liked it, having had a faint taste of it. Hoping that this time you could enjoy it together you made sure the bottle was secure before heading of again.

Every time the weather was like the one in your vision, your and their hope grew and while you reached the place in no time, having memorised the way, they still hadn’t found it. Meliodas wished to fly over the forest but he had seen himself walking and knew that was the only way to get to you. So he wandered around, over and over and when he finally recognised a turn he followed the path eagerly. It took a bit to notice your presence, it being hidden seeing as anything else would be suicide so close to a hostile region. He rushed through the trees, his and yours excitement mixing and growing as you waited, peering through the woods in hopes of catching a glimpse, the first glimpse of the person you had grown to love.

The wind, his hearts and time itself stopped as he came to a halt in front of you. Your eyes were the first things he noticed, shining with a light that warmed him, overflowing with affection. You stared just as much, his black eyes turning into a beautiful shade of green as he lowered himself to the ground, his black wings disappearing from sight. You did the same, letting your feet touch the earth below you before moving one in front of the other. The grin on your face widened as he did the same and before you knew it he wrapped his arms around you.

“Hello“, you whispered. All former thoughts and ideas on your first words spoken to him seeming too far away to speak now, all you could do was great him. He was so warm, his arms protectively shielding you away from a world that was to cruel to a wonderful being like you, he decided, as he responded in the same manner. His hearts were finally beating again and were much faster now.

“My name is Meliodas“, he added, chin comfortably resting on your shoulders, eyes closed and melting into your embrace. It felt so right to finally have you. You fitted perfectly into his grasp, his eyes fluttering open and a smile tugging on his lips as he heard your name. You were finally here, with him. Meliodas knew in this moment he could never let you go. He would follow you wherever you wanted to and destroy anyone that dared and try harm you, no matter the consequences, as long as he could be with you, the one who cared and comforted him, the one that was made for him and the one he was made for, his soulmate.

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smolla-than-a-bug · 3 years

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in your eyes: prologue

sano shinichiro x reader

falling for your best friend came as naturally as breathing. if it was so easy for you, you wonder why you never suspected that it might be just as easy for someone else to end up doing the same

[ series m.list -> chapter one ]

content — fem!reader, angst, unrequited, childhood best friends, not compliant with canon timeline, shinichiro is an idiot

notes — 1k wc. prologue is short af but im so excited to get started on the actual chapters omg skjnfgks i felt tugs on my heart just outlining it no joke HAHAHA

Unchanging, unvarying, consistent… constant. That’s what Sano Shinichiro is to you. He’s your other half, your twin flame, your soulmate.

A thousand thoughts were flitting through your brain as you admired how he looked doing such a mundane task as scrolling through his phone. The glare of the bright screen reflected on his face, somehow making him look extra soft. It doesn’t help how he has that stupid grin on as he lazily typed away, draped over his bed with his long legs extending past the mattress.

You could sit there for hours, observing the strands of hair that fall over his forehead, mentally sketching every little detail of the subtle expressions on his face, fully taken by him and his entire being, and not get bored for even the slightest of moments.

Your eyes wander down his arms, slim like the rest of his limbs but otherwise firm from expertly wielding various tools for when he gets all Tinkerbell over his motorbikes. He’s laid on his stomach, propped up on his forearms as he scrolls through the electronic device with his strong fingers.

You must have memorized each and every one of his features from how often you stare at him like this. His hands in particular are by far the most interesting to watch.

His hands are what you zero in on when he’s working on a bike and mindlessly explaining to you the functions of each part of the machine. You would nod along as though you understood everything he was saying. He would think you were following his words with the sheer amount of focus painted on your face, oblivious to the fact that you were merely watching his big hands gripping the screwdriver.

Your eyes would stay glued to his flexing fingers as they screwed or unscrewed certain parts you’d already forgotten the name of. He did these sorts of things so effortlessly, so instinctively, so reflexively, it almost looked natural. It felt right, seeing him working so passionately and doing something he’s always loved. It’s a wonder, knowing that that same strong pair of hands, rough and calloused from years of work, are just as capable of giving light touches and handling things in such a gingerly manner.

You think about the comforting way he’d habitually run his fingers through your hair when there’s nothing to do. You can practically feel the ghost of his fingertips caressing your skin when you cuddle, the massages he tends to give you when you’re tense and buried in work… The thought alone pulls at the corners of your lips. You’re not even aware that you’re smiling at him until he catches your stare and sticks his tongue out, to which you snigger and throw a pillow at his face.

It’s almost hard to believe this is the same man who got rejected almost two dozen times in high school, but then you remember you were there to witness it all happen. Let’s just say he never had a talent for the art of subtle approaches. Nonetheless, it was still a bizarre thought—not immediately falling in love with him, the giant dork that he is. Had it been you on the receiving end of his confessions, you’d melt on the spot and accept all of him with no hesitation.

With how long you’ve known each other, people always thought you’d end up together, which to you isn’t such a bad idea to entertain. Not at all.

But in the end you’re reminded that that’s a mere fantasy—a figment of your imagination—as he shoots up on his feet the moment his phone pings, a big toothy grin stretching his mouth.

He stretches his arms above his head, willing the stiffness of laying in bed away, and you try not to let your eyes linger on the skin showing from the slight lift of his shirt. “Well,” he chirps, hopping over to peck your cheek before finding his hoodie. The one you used to joke about when he let you borrow it, calling it the boyfriend hoodie. “Girlfriend duties. Man, I’m never gonna get tired of saying that. Anyway, you know the drill.”

When he doesn’t put on the jacket, you know he brought it for her. From how often he talks about her, you know he probably brought it because she somehow always feels cold.

You could only imagine what it would be like to be the person he talks to his friends about, rather than being the friend on the receiving end of his endless, dazed rambles. It seemed that you had a running streak yourself of fulfilling this role, going way back to your high school days when he would tell you all about who his new crush of the week was. He’d always been one who was easily enamored—just not by you, as it seemed.

“Bye, Y/N! Love you!” his voice echoes, followed by the shut of the front door.

Your own words are caught in your throat, and you don’t know if you’re heartbroken or relieved that he didn’t bother waiting for you to say it back like how you usually do. On one hand, it’s as though he doesn’t need to hear anything back from you because he already gets enough affection from her; but on the other hand, you wouldn’t have been able to say it back anyway because the weight of the words ‘love you too’ are far heavier than they used to be—he doesn’t need to know this, you tell yourself.

In the end you’re reminded that, as his best friend, you’re only there to look after his siblings while he’s out on his date because by some miracle, someone actually said yes to him. You had no one to blame other than yourself. You never told him about your feelings, so really, there was never anything between you two. What’s more, you’re whole reason he and Naya even met in the first place.

He’s happy. And if he’s happy, then that’s all that matters to you, even if it means that you’re only torturing yourself the more time you spend with him.

save your tears taglist — @lagrimasdeglitter

tokyo revengers taglist — @victoirey

#shinichiro angst #shinichiro sano angst #shinichiro sano x reader #sano shinichiro x reader #shinichiro x reader #shinichiro headcanons #tokyo revengers shinichiro #shinichiro tokyo revengers #sano shinichiro angst #tokyo revengers angst #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers

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red-doll-face · 3 years

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Here is a request for slashers if they're open. My brain does a thing where I am affectionate w a person but if I get nudged away (even if it's just to readjust the position), it goes "oh no. They don't want u to touch them. Do not touch ever again or they will get mad at u. U disgust them." Even tho touch is my love language & it hurts, I just won't touch. If confronted, I will get confused & panicky cuz "u didn't want me to touch? Im respecting ur wishes? Did I miss something?" Its a mess.

Requests are indeed open, I’m sorry I take foreverrr to do these but i hope u enjoy! I don’t know what to call this tho. For simplicity’s sake I’m calling this nervous reader lmao, idk what else to call these.

Slashers x gn nervous Reader

Jason Voorhees:

Jason can very much relate to the feeling. When he first meets you, he’s sure that you’re frightened. He restrains from being too close to avoid coming off as overbearing, doesn't want to touch you because if you flinch he’ll be so hurt. He just assumes he disgusts you. Based on the reaction all of his other victims have when they see him, he’s sure you’ll probably be the same.

Once Jason is sure that you don't feel that way, he’s a cuddle monster. He wants to be close all of the time, holding hands, letting you sit in his lap, you name it. He’s so starved and quickly decides that touch is his love language too. He’s not even sure how he’s lived this long without it.

The only time I can see Jason maybe gently sort of setting you down elsewhere and walking off is when he senses strangers on the property of what once was Crystal Lake. He’s out the door before he can even see your hurt expression, Which is worse because this might lead you to jump to conclusions.

If you distance yourself from Jason, he immediately is thrown off. He can’t directly ask you if he’s done something wrong and when he tries to initiate affection with you and you don’t reciprocate whole heartedly, he’s at a loss.

He’ll get on one knee while you sulk on the couch and give you a silent plea to tell him what's wrong. You can panic and try and avoid it but he is certain there's something going on and he wants so badly to know what he’s done to put you off. You tell him and he immediately is shaking his head no, he could never be mad at you, never be disgusted with you. You’re the most breathtaking person he’s ever had the pleasure of holding, the first, most likely.

Jason nods because he understands how you feel. In the future, he’s persistent about how you feel when he untangles himself from you, making sure you’re ok.

Michael Myers:

In the later stages of your relationship, Michael is insatiable when it comes to being in contact with you. For a long time, towards the start of your relationship, he didn’t like it. It felt weird. All of the touch he's experienced prior was so clinical and sterile that he doesn’t quite know how good touch is supposed to feel. He’s so touch starved that he’s almost positive he doesn't even need it.

Slowly, he builds a tolerance for it, much like one does with alcohol, constantly checking his boundaries and letting him control the situation and he’s all for movie night, huddled up on the couch, or waking up with his head on your chest. His own personal pillow.

There are, however, moments when his need to make someone tremble with fear and then blodgeon them to death with a can opener from their own kitchen becomes too strong, so he tries to keep away from you. In the past, he might have used you to satisfy similar desires of a sexual nature and may have really hurt you but he knows that it’s not always enjoyable to you.

Then, you stop touching him. Much like Jason, he starts to think you’ve become sick of him. Sick of his coldness, his muteness, his withdrawn demeanor. Maybe you’ve moved on and he tries to tell himself he doesn’t care but he doesn't think he can see himself touching anyone but you now.

It gets to the point where he comes home one day and you look heavily troubled, expressions he’s seen on your face before, only in the event that something terrible has happened. You ask to speak to him and he obliges.

You explain that you don’t think this relationship is working, that you’re pretty sure he’s disgusted with you and how difficult this event is because you didn't even want to talk about it but it's been hurting you for too long.

His response is to stand up very slowly, pick you up and lay down with you over him, simply laying there. Hopefully, knowing you’re the one person he would ever allow to participate in this intimacy is enough to show you that you mean more than you think you do to him.

RZ Michael Myers:

This Michael is more perceptive to your touch than his counterpart, your touch sends little shivers down his spine and as soon as he gets pretty used to it, he’s eager for more. This also takes some time but significantly less. He’s enamored with the idea of returning to a somewhat normal life. Your affection grounds him in that fantasy as much as being a murderer might take him out of it.

As he establishes a relationship with you, he may even be the one to start touching you instead of the other way around. He’s read books and always wondered what it might feel like to have someone genuinely touch him without fear in their eyes. Without malice.

An unsuccessful ‘day at work’ might have Michael feeling a little het up though. He can be moody and more rageful. Neither you nor his hobbies can calm him. He seems colder than usual in these states and can come off as very standoffish.

So when you try and touch him and he shrugs your hand off his shoulder, he can’t or isn't in the state of mind to address your frown and worried look. Michael, instead stomps off somewhere to be alone for a while; maybe take his anger out on something else. Some unsuspecting soul or maybe even a poor animal in the wrong place at the wrong time.

After he’s calmed down some, he returns and almost forgot about that sad little gleam in your eye before he left. Michael remembers when he sees you blankly staring at the TV, pointedly avoiding his gaze even as you utter a weak welcome home. It’s not very welcoming. He sits stiffly beside you, watching you from the corner of his eye. You’re closed off from him and he doesn't like it at all.

Migrating towards you slowly, he eases you into a familiar hug, his big bear hugs that are a little tight but inviting all the same. His huge torso and long arms seem to swallow you in his warmth. You hardly reciprocate. You look a little surprised. Though he never addresses it verbally, (which is probably better for you) Michael offers a single glance that communicates everything he needs to say. Don't ever think that again.

Thomas B. Hewitt:

Thomas’ self esteem issues and self image are not good. He honestly doesn’t like to imagine what he looks like to other people unless it can be as a threatening man you don’t fuck with. Meeting you, he realizes that it’s good to protect his family but he’d rather you not see him as someone only capable of harm. Tries his best to get the point across that while Hoyt may be adamant that horrible things happen to you, he’s not going to let them.

Thomas has received affection but always a familial affection. A pat on the back from Monty, proud claps to his shoulders from uncle Charlie, and hugs and kisses from his dear Mother. Nothing so foreign as a strangers touch over his arm or a soft embrace.

Unfortunately, Thomas can get reactive when you attempt to touch him without his mask on. He’s absolutely settled on the false reality that you’ll see his face and immediately decide that you never want to touch him again. Interacting with you with his bare face? That's a no for Thomas.

He puts on his mask that covers the scarred skin over his face and you look dejected. He was preparing for you to pressure him but instead finds himself trying to find out why you won’t touch him now. It’s not his face, is it? You respond with your reasoning. Thomas is so confused. How could you think that you disgust him? That he doesn’t want you to touch him?

He’s quicker than the others and immediately sweeps you up into his arms and holds you as close as humanly possible. Feeling disgusting and like some sort of burden is a feeling he’s so familiar with and if he can take it away from you, he will.

Will aggressively initiate touch with you for the next week or so just to solidify the fact that he cares about you and won't reject you just as you didn’t reject him.

Bubba Sawyer:

Bubba is a great cuddle buddy and partner. Hugs are his favorite and he hugs his brother all the time, lifting both Nubbins and Chop Top into the air for some brotherly love. If you’re smaller than them he’s all about picking you up and perhaps a little rough housing with you. He’s careful though or at least there are attempts made to be careful

Bubba, though he could easily spend the whole day doing nothing and everything with you, has work. Chores, butchering. Cooking, and tending livestock. Plenty to do at the sawyer house and he does most of it. Suffice to say there are times when you want to lather attention all over him yet he has to go back to work.

So caught up in work that he doesn't get what's going on til way later, when you’ve had time to stew in your emotions, firmly telling yourself that Bubba is annoyed by you probably. He’s baffled and confused at your silence, your crossed arms. The little furrow in your brow. He can already tell there’s something upsetting you.

Honestly, Bubba is so affectionate I can’t see him being the kind of person even capable of alluding to the fact he might be disgusted by you. How, if all he wants to do is love you? You may bring it up as a joke that you thought he didn’t like you and he almost seems offended. Not like you?

Bubba can squash any feelings you may have about that and then some. He will not let you drown in insecurities, not on his watch. This man will do everything in his power to make you feel beautiful because you really are.

I’m sorry these are super long but thanks for requesting!

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