#i need to . do something. idk what. everything is bad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lilacstro · 18 hours

Text

Astro Observations pt 2

1.If you have sun conjunct ascendant//sun in 10th house, people might really see who you really are or your real personality maybe visible to people you choose to interact with.

2. People who's sun and mercury match, they more than most of the time, say what they really mean

3. People who have Sag sun/stellium usually have a strong liking for some kind of mainstream media, like kpop? football? bollywood?

4. The sign of your fifth house can influence how you like spending your leisure time. Example:

Capricorn 5th house might like cleaning as a form of relaxing or spending their free time

Leo 5th house might want entertainment or hanging out with a group of friends, social circles

Gemini 5th house might like scrolling the internet or talking about their favourite shows and dramas

Pisces 5th house might like day dreaming or doodling or creative working

Libra 5th house might put make up on just because, or doing a whole self care routine

Taurus 5th house might just lay in bed and sleep? lol maybe cook something or play some instrument if they please.

5. Jupiter is said to expand. People who may have sun conjunct Jupiter may have huge sense of self or awareness of identity, which is really good in a world where people try to tell you who you are. However, this needs to be checked so it does not turn into a huge ego

6. Sagittarius women could really like dancing

7. 8th house stellium could deal with sleep paralysis or insomnia or some kind of mental health related problem at some point in their life for sure

8. 12th house stelliums could really like day dreaming a lot

9. Most Libra people I have met are usually already well liked regardless of anything. and the ones that aren't, really care about being liked by people.

10. Speaking of this, most libra placements, esp suns, may really be gossiped about or do gossips.

11. Sagittarius placements (sun and rising esp) always have something going on with their teeth. Its either crooked, it may have had an injury and even if its perfect, they might be a little insecure about it at least for a brief period in their life

12. Neptune in 7th house could mean the native has kind of like imaginary ideals about their partner. It could also be that they "like the idea of someone more than the person" or straight up like imaginary characters as ideals

13. Sag mercury women usually are very vocal. May advocate for things like unequal rights, feminism, maybe the first one to speak. tbh sag mercuries overall are the types to take part in global challenges and really take time out to think about it seriously.

14. Sun in 8th house is a mysterious placement. Sun in 8th house won't reveal themselves to you. To be fairly honest, growing up their personality goes through a lot of transformation before they finally get to even know themselves and who they are. They could also be very introspective if not self aware

15. while Moon in 8th house natives are usually said that they won't reveal their true emotions, I'd say that's subjective since they are actually "aware" of their feelings on a deep level. This depends on the sign and degree of the moon imo. However, they may instead absolutely illusion you into thinking "you know everything about them" lol. Also, they could eventually get very emotionally intelligent in their lives with time. They may also never fully reveal their past to someone.

16. Moon in 8th house can have two moods. I know this will happen. See this happened. OR I know EXACTLY why this did not happen lol. Very intuitive.

17. Moon in Gemini degrees can indicate being able to verbalize and intellectualize emotions better than most people. While Moon in Aquarius or Capricorn may suggest otherwise.

18. Idk how but most Aquarius people I have seen have either of these two things. Being extremely different than most people (in a good or bad way) in some way or the other, a different thinking than most. OR, being really really good with Internet related stuff, like maybe freelance? Digital Media? Social Media?

19. Venus/Sun/Moon in virgos will get you the small thing you mentioned in a random seemingly unimportant conversation for your birthday gift.

20. A placement that makes me think of "attractive personality" is Venus in harmonious aspects with mercury.

21. Mars in 5th house/1st house are said to be automatically physically active or athletic. While this maybe true, mars or any other planet at a weak degree or Mars in Earth signs may not manifest that way, even though it may seem otherwise.

22. I think mercury in 11th house is an OG placement for over thinkers or the people who are thinking how would it feel to get married while riding the car/train and looking outside, or being constantly in their head the second they woke up.

23. " I am so stupid in love"- Pisces, Cancer placements.

24. Neptune in 3rd/11th house placements could have a social media or chronically online addiction.

25. Sun at 1 degree in SR can indicate getting a sense of identity and purpose and moreover finding yourself again

26. Uranus in 12th house in SR can indicate a change/transformation in old belief systems and thoughts

Well, I am thinking of making proper dedicated posts now instead of random notes like that. What suggestions do you have? I would loveee to know.

159 notes · View notes

wonuwrites · 9 hours

Text

Seventeen's Reaction When You Can't Sleep At Night.

Anyone else having a rough time sleeping lately or is it just me? Past few nights have been rough so I thought of this little thing. Also was inspired to write this based off the song "When You Can't Sleep At Night" by Of Mice And Men. Hope y'all enjoy it.

Warning: mentions death of a loved one, anxiety, nightmares, fluff/angst in some places, minor cussing, fairly sfw but Dino's is a bit suggestive so MDNI, oh also some pet names like: Sweetheart, Baby. Love, Babe, idk the cute names and shit lmfao.

☾ S. Coups:

Your mind was racing and you couldn't help but stare up at the ceiling. You felt a bit guilty because you kept tossing and turning when you were attempting to fall asleep. Seungcheol who was next to you didn't say anything but you made him turn slightly as well while keeping his arm loosely around your waist. He was sound asleep and truth be told you envied him. You wish you could sleep like him. As if he could hear your envious thoughts, you felt his lips on your shoulder before he pulled you closer to him. "Still awake, sweetheart?" You nodded before turning over to look at him. He kissed you and pulled you closer to him. He'd ask you what was on your mind and would do everything in his power to help you sleep. He wouldn't even close his eyes until he knew you were asleep for sure.

☾ Jeonghan:

You made your way into the kitchen to get a cup of water. You were almost 80% convinced that sleep was not going to happen that night because a random bout of anxiety was just eating you alive. What was the anxiety? You had no fucking clue but it just kept nagging at you and you hated it. You just felt so small and you couldn't find your center. You remember a luke warm glass of water used to help one of your friends back in high school so you decided to try it. You only took a sip before tears threatened to fall which made you take a shaky breath. You leaned against the kitchen counter and tried your best not to breakdown but that didn't work to well. Soon you just let it out. You didn't know how long you were there but you felt someone come up behind you and pull you into his embrace. Jeonghan noticed you were taking awhile to come back to bed and decided to look for you. When he found you crying in the kitchen he felt his heart break into a million pieces. He wanted to give you space at first but also felt that you needed someone at that time so he just came and hugged you. You started to cry into his chest harder which he just rocked you until you were done and ready to talk about it. Sleep could wait.

☾ Joshua:

The first few nights after Jisoo left for tour or various schedules were the worst. You had become completely reliant on him and needed to feel his side of the bed had something in it. You had done everything to make it seem that way with adding weighted blankets, books, or even a pet. Nothing worked long term and tonight you felt it. You thought maybe you could gaslight yourself and get some rest that way but no. Nothing was working. Your eyes were tired but the rest of you was not. You decided to scroll on social media and watch fancams of him and hope that would help and it almost did until Jisoo decided to shoot you a text to let you know that he had just got to his hotel. Instinctively, you called him which made him nervous and confused. It was nearly 2:30 am in where you were and you were awake? Before he could even scold you in concern you told him you couldn't sleep. His heart would hurt a bit because he knew that you struggled sleeping when he was not there. He just stayed on the phone with you until you fell asleep. Even then he stayed on a little longer just to hear your breathing. "I'll be home soon, (Y/N,)" he would whisper, "I love you, always."

☾ Jun:

You had a huge project coming up at work in the next week and you were struggling to sleep. Jun didn't realize how bad it was until he stayed the night and noticed you were no longer snuggled into his side. He walked around the house while rubbing his eye trying to find you but it was as if you vanished. He almost gave up until he found a light under a closet door and he found it weird. He knocked on the door while whispering your name which made you gasp in shock. Before you could hide the evidence of papers everywhere Jun opened the closet door and looked at you with an emotionless face. You looked down embarrassed which made him sit down on the floor across from you. He would slowly gather the paperwork, and when you tried to protest he would just shake his head. "Baby," he would whisper, "tomorrow is your day off, how about we practice your project tomorrow after a good night rest?" You tried to protest again but he just looked at you with a pleading look. You would then feel guilty before nodding and looking down. This hurt Jun's heart because he didn't want to be a controlling person but truth be told he was worried for you. He leaned over and kissed both your left and right cheeks before helping both of you up. He led you back into the bedroom while whispering sweet nothings to you. Once you got into bed, he left the room to "hide" your project before joining you.

☾ Hoshi:

You shot up in bed screaming after having the most realistic nightmare. This nightmare has haunted you for years but you thought it was over. Especially with you now dating Soonyoung. Soonyoung jolted up as well asking what was wrong while wrapping his arms around you. You starting weeping into his chest which made him scared as hell. He hugged you as you kept saying "no" and tried his best to calm you down. His eyes started water as he realized soon that you were mumbling apologies to your ex who had passed away in the past. He never asked any information about his death but he knew that it hurt you a lot. He knew the best thing he could do was rock you and kiss the top of your head until you calmed down. Once you did, he held you like that until you started to cry again and apologizing to him. You didn't want Soonyoung to think you loved your ex more because it wasn't the truth. He whispered that you didn't need to apologize and reminded you that he was there for the good, the bad, and the ugly. "Baby, you don't have to tell me a thing if it's too much, but I'm here to listen if you are ever ready. I want to help. I love you, okay?" "okay."

☾ Wonwoo:

Your best friend recently passed from a freak accident and it was just eating you alive. Why did they have to go? Why so soon? You didn't even get to say a proper goodbye and that's what killed you. You just missed them so much and your heart hurt from it. Work had be generous and gave you a bereavement period but staying alone in your thoughts somehow made this time worse for you. You didn't admit it to anyone but Wonwoo knew you were struggling really bad. He saw the signs and knew you weren't sleeping well. Which is why Wonwoo was staying over the night of the funeral so he could do everything in his power to help you. Not with words but with actions. He made you tea and put soft music while you sat on the couch in a blanket while scrolling through your friends instagram. His heart hurt for you because he knew what it was like to lose someone. He sat next to you and put an arm around you. You leaned up against him, "I miss them," you whispered. "I know, I'm sorry." He continued to hold you until finally went to sleep.

☾ Woozi:

After a hour of tossing and turning, you realized that sleep was just not an option. You didn't know why it was so hard to sleep but it just was. You sighed as you turned on your phone and noticed Jihoon had just sent you an instagram reel. You couldn't help but smile at his name and watched the reel with a smile across your face. When you reacted to the reel you got a call pretty soon from him which you quickly answered. "You're still up?" He asked before you could even say 'hello.' This made you scoff before saying, "I could say the same thing about you." "Eh, I have an excuse. I'm in the studio." You rolled your eyes before getting an idea. "Can I come by? I can't sleep and wanna be near you. I promise I won't annoy you." He chuckled and hummed a bit. "Sure, wanna spend the night too when we are both finally sleepy?" "Yes please. I'll be there in 10."

☾ DK:

One of your many quirks was panic baking. Whenever you were stressed about something you would bake. It didn't matter if it was brownies, cakes, bread, cupcakes, lemon bars, or whatever. So many of your friends loved this little habit about you but they didn't realize you would do this instead of sleep most nights. However, Seokmin did. He came home after a long day of schedules when he smelt some goodies come from the kitchen. Normally people would be excited to smell goodies but not at 1:30 in the morning. He would sigh and make his way to the kitchen. There he saw you taking out some cupcakes. He waited for you to set the hot plate down before he called out your name. You jumped and looked at him as if you were a deer in headlights. He gave you a concerned look and that's when you broke down and told him you couldn't sleep because you were nervous so you baked because that "was all you were good at." As you continued to breakdown in front of Seokmin, he quickly made his way to you and just rocked you while you fell apart. He whispered sweet nothings and stayed there for awhile before promising to clean up the kitchen so you could take a shower in hopes it would make you sleepy.

☾ Mingyu:

It was one of those nights where sleep was the enemy. You just kept tossing and turning to a point where you were just getting annoyed. You had tried everything from white noise to brewing some sleepy time tea. Nothing worked. It wasn't until you started scrolling through instagram and noticed Mingyu just posted a photodump. You liked it instinctively and automatically got a call from your concerned boyfriend. It was 2am and his royalty was still awake? Unacceptable. When you answered his heart broke when he realized that you were struggling to sleep so he did what any good boyfriend would do and came over to snuggle. Hopefully he could help you sleep.

☾ Minghao:

It was a sleepless night the night before and you promised Minghao to a brunch date. You were exhausted by the time you got there but tried your best to shake it off so he wouldn't worry. However, Minghao knew how to read you like a book so you were not able to fool him one bit. He would just order the food to go and take your cute ass home so you could get some proper rest. He would wait for you to tell him if anything was going on but would just take care of you by brewing you a tea or cuddling you to sleep.

☾ Seungkwan:

Sleeping was never one of your talents. Honestly, you never could get the right amount of sleep. It would either be too much or too little. To say this didn't concern Seungkwan would be a lie. He would often ask how your sleep schedule was and if you mentioned you got less than 3 hours the night before his heart would break. Unlike Minghao, he would ask if anything was bothering you or what was going on but that's just because he wanted to make sure you were okay. If you were going through something, he would try his best to work it out with you. He even would offer a shoulder to sleep on if you got sleepy throughout the day.

☾ Vernon:

To say you tried to sleep was an understatement. You were tossing and turning, counting all the sheep, and even tried to gaslight yourself that you were asleep. However, nothing worked. You still laid wide awake while your precious boyfriend was asleep peaceful next to you. You sighed as you turned one last time and surprisingly that woke Hansol up. He rubbed his eye before flinging an arm around you and pulling you closer. "You okay, babe?" He would ask with his voice all gruffy sounding due to the sleep. "yeah... sorry." He didn't believe you and would roll you over so you were making eye contact, he tried to figure it out telepathically but he couldn't so he kissed your nose instead. The gesture made you scoff before snuggling into him. "I'm fine, just can't sleep very well tonight." He'd hum while playing mindlessly with your hair. "We can put on a movie if you want?" You would smile into his chest before whispering an "ok." It was moments like these when you were thankful he was there.

☾ Dino:

You sighed before sat up to get out of bed. Sleep was just not in the cards and honestly there were other things you could do instead of getting a restless night of sleep. However, you momentarily forgot your adorable boyfriend, Chan, was cuddled up next to you and his grasp tightened as you tried to escape his grasp. Him being stubborn made you giggle which made him smile before he looked up at you. "You can't leave me yet, it's still dark outside." You would sigh before wrapping your arms around him as well in defeat. "Sorry babe, I just can't sleep." "Mmm, why?" "I don't know. I've tried everything." He then opened his eyes a bit and gave you a little smirk, "I mean not everything...." You could feel what he meant and giggled before kissing him and hoping he could *literally* wear you out.

It's finally out. Please lmk your favorite one. Personally I loved writing DK's part. (as usual. It's so easy for me to write for him,) Please lmk what yall liked tho <3

61 notes · View notes

fourstarsoutofnine · 3 days

Text

Where are we going?

Impromptu joke ficlet for the beautiful wonderful @beyondtheglowingstars because it’s funny. This is… half modern? Idk. Whatever. It’s a joke fic it doesn’t have to make sense.

The Smith was in a bind. He was head over heels for you but had no idea where he wanted to take you out on a date. He didn’t even know how to ask you. So, he split. He was going to spread out across town to find ideas then reconvene and talk it over.

The colors had been in town for hours, occasionally bumping into one another, but after getting what he deemed enough ideas, Green messaged the others.

~in a group chat somewhere~

G:okay guys I got some ideas. The little restaurant by the lake is really nice, and pretty popular but I’m not sure because I don’t want to have to wait super long to get a spot. There’s also the idea of walking through the woods a ways and going to that really nice clearing we like. We could do a picnic there. I was also thinking about bringing them something, maybe we weld a necklace. What do you guys think?

B:👍

G:blue how many times have we been over this, you can’t just send a thumbs up to everything, I need actual genuine help.

V:lol

G:vio that is NOT helpful either.

R:☹️guys cmon… I’ll help. I think the picnic is a great idea, we could make little daisy chains :). And the necklace is a great idea.

G:THANK YOU Red. Goddesses…. Okay. Go time. Let’s meet back at the forge and we’ll merge and get to work.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The colors met back at the forge and the smith merged again. He got to work on making the little necklace for you. It wasn’t perfect by any means, as he didn’t specialize in jewelry… but it came from the heart. He hoped you’d cherish it. With sooty hands and hair sticking to his face from sweat, he couldn’t wait any longer. Couldn’t even stop to make sure he looked nice. He rushed over to your house and knocked on the door. His heart pounded in his ears while he waited on you to answer.

“Hello..?” You looked down at him with a confused face, but smiled when you realized who it was. “Hi, Smithy. What’s up? Everything okay..?”

“Yeah.. uhm—I, uh….” He handed you a sooty towel. “There’s something in there… it’s for you…”

You looked at it confusedly and unfolded the towel, revealing the welded necklace. You smiled. “Oh, wow, Link. You made this..?”

“Yeah, I uh-…I know it’s kind of bad. I don’t make jewelry, I make weapons—but um… yeah I wanted to make you something and….” He took a pause, taking a breath to ready himself. “I wanted to ask if you might want to join me for a picnic or something tonight… I know a really nice clearing not far from here…”

“I’d love to.” You smiled. You didn’t understand why he was so worried. Your affection for him was very clear—or in your eyes it was, anyway.

“Really??” He lit up. He huffed a surprised laugh. “Okay! Yeah..! Great! I’ll uh—go get ready. And get the things.. I’ll meet you back here later!” He said and took off. You laughed and waved.

“See you soon, sweetheart..” this would be fun…

#linked universe #linkeduniverse #linked universe x reader #lu four #linked universe four #four linked universe #four linked universe x reader #four x reader #lu four x reader

39 notes · View notes

ysrjune · 2 days

Note

hi! i know you don't usually write for clay, so feel free to delete this if you want. but, if youre up for it, I'd love to see inpatient!clay beresford x inpatient!reader (maybe also w heart condition i have one and i just think it would be cute). and like maybe they both have surgery on the same day or smth soft of them comforting each other through this or smth idk i just need patient!reader w clay so bad 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 ( if u like angst also im not against one of them dying at the end)

My Baby

i’m so sorry that I replied to this so late, but hey.. at least I responded, right 🥰⁉️ thank you for your ask <3

summary ✦ clay and reader have heart surgery the same day, and they comfort each other.

“We’ll be okay.” Clay runs his fingers through your hair in hopes it will calm you down. your surgery was less than a few hours away, and you were scared. what if the doctors do something wrong that ends up in death for you or clay.. or both. Clay was your everything, and you couldn't bare to lose him.

“You don't know that for sure.” she sighed, looking up at Clay to say something else, but he beat her to it. “Yes I do. what kind of hospital hires doctors that don't know how to be doctors.” he was just trying to make you feel better. he knew there were always risks in any situation for surgery. “After this, we're gonna be fine, sweetie. more than fine.” he kissed your cheek. “we'll start our own family and be happy the rest of our lives without being scared of randomly dying on the spot.”

Clay was always better with coming to peace with his condition, so much so that it didn't bother him to make jokes about randomly dying on the spot. you, on the other hand, were really scared of dying and not being able to fulfill a good enough life. you wanted to have fun, find a suitable husband to raise a family with, and be the best wife & mother you could be. so, the thought of death being able to take you out of nowhere was terrifying.

“clay, dont say that. It's not funny.” you look down to his chest. “I just.. want us to live the life we deserve.”, “and we will. I'm telling you, baby, nothing bad is gonna happen, you'll see.” he placed a gentle kiss on your lips.

—

the time finally came, and you were being pushed on the hospital beds to the surgery rooms. Clay held your hand the whole way there since his bed was next to yours. “I love you, clay. with all my weak heart has to give.” he wanted to burst into tears. this could he the last time you see each other. as much as he didn't wanna think about it, he did. his beautiful angel being taken away from him or him being taken away from you, ending up in not giving you the life you wanted with him. still, he put a smile on and looked at your wedding ring, then his. “I love you too, y/n. I'll never stop loving you.” even the nurses who were pushing your beds wanted to cry.

“if anything happens, you were the one for me, baby. the only one. the girl of my dreams.” he gives the softest half smile as you're close to parting ways to different rooms. “I'll see you out of surgery, honey.” you respond, kissing your fingers and placing it on his hand. he shed a tear and nodded as you split ways.

—

things were going great for the first half of everything that the doctors did. but then something went wrong.. very wrong. the heart wasnt receiving enough blood flow. the doctors didn't even notice until it was too late. how could they break the news? after the nurses told them about how all you two wanted was to stay here on earth with each other and raise a baby of your own. that didn't matter anymore. you were dead.

Clay woke up from surgery, his mother and a couple of friends by his bed. his first instinct was to look over to the bed next to him so he could see you. nothing. the bed was empty. it made his still fragile heart begin to beat fast in worry. “where is she?” he looked to his mother with teary eyes. “where is my wife?” his voice cracked. he was staring to cry. did you make it? please, God, he hoped you made it and you were just put in a different room.

All his mother and friends did was frown at him, crying as well. Clay sucked in air and started to cry. sniffling while shaking his head, he still kept looking to the bed. “No, no, no. this wasn't how it was supposed to go. youre all lying.” his cries were heartbreaking. “Mom?” he switched his gaze to her, hoping it was all a lie.. a dream.. a hallucination. anything but the truth.

“I'm sorry, Clay.” that was it. you were officially gone. his baby was gone. not just you, but the baby he could have given you. the baby he could love and see you through the eyes of your child.

Clay never emotionally recovered from that. he never dated either. never even dared to stare or flirt with another woman. all he ever did was work, drink, visit your grave, and go to bed. occasionally visit some friends and family, but that was it. his life was never the same without you. he kept all your things. he sprayed your signature perfume on your pillow thst he cuddled with to just pretend you were still there with him.

Clay Beresford was absolutely miserable for the rest of his life without you.

｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

taglist: @anakinstwinklebunny @heartsforanakin @anisscarletstarlet @sockiess @erosmutt @rottencandyblood @radiantvader @freezerbride95 @starsfortaylor 🎀

#june replies ౨ৎ #clay beresford x you #clay beresford angst #awake 2007 #hayden christensen #hayden christensen fic #hayden christensen x reader #hayden christensen imagine #hayden christensen angst #hayden christensen drabble #hayden christensen blurb

52 notes · View notes

x-liv25-jamieswife · 20 hours

Note

YAYY!! Reqs are open again! I know you’ve already done something similar but can you do maybe some hcs of Graysons mental if that makes sense (like anxiety, depression, schizophrenia) only if you feel comfortable ofc <3

sad grayson head canons pt. 2

of course! i wont be talking about schizophrenia though bc i don't know enough about it and i don't feel comfortable talking about smth knowing i might be writing things that are completely inaccurate and that might offend/hurt some people. i apologize if these suck or if this is really short. when i made this post, i had just found out someone in my family was in the hospital and i wrote these to distract me so idk how good they'll be. not all of these will be on anxiety and depression btw. tw for suicidal thoughts. hope you still like them <3.

when he swims at night, the pool tends to be very cold bc its the one of the only things that makes him forgot about everything that is making him anxious. if he can't swim, he takes cold showers.

although it might not look like it, he gets very anxious and overwhelmed in situations where there are a lot of people. he overthinks everything he says to them, wonders if his suit looks nice enough/if he's presentable, if he's making a good impression, and has trouble focusing when there are so many people he has to talk too. he's very good at hiding it though so you would never guess (like i said, multiple people, if its just one person it doesn't matter to him)

like i said in my last hc, he gets anxious when talking to many people. i want to add that usually, its not usually himself that makes himself anxious but emily talking in his head telling him he's doing smth wrong. basically, if it weren't for emily, he wouldn't be anxious talking to so many people. idk if this one makes sense.

one of the reasons he wears suits is bc it makes him feel put together when he feels like a mess in his head. he always looks so flawless which makes people think he's fine.

he went through a period of time when he was younger where he couldn't get out of bed to go to school/do his school work which ig seems ooc, but we're talking about young grayson here, not the put together version of him we know. he hated himself so bad he didn't think it was worth living anymore and thought that there was no point in working if he wasn't going to live long enough to get a career/become an adult. also, another reason was bc he felt sm pressure to be the best that he kind of just gave up. tobias got mad at him and thought he was overreacting. he did get better thanks to his brothers, enough for him to start doing his school work again and start handling the pressure he was under.

he's very self-conscious about his appearance. by this i don't mean looking put together, i mean sometimes he'll look in the mirror and think he's gained weight which makes him workout more/swim. its not that he finds himself ugly, he just doesn't want people to notice and think something's wrong/he's going through something when he obviously is (cause in his head, if he doesn't always look the same, people will think smth's wrong/he's loosing control but thats just not true).

he used to have bad acne growing up and it really affected his confidence. he used to try to cover it up with concealer but no matter what he did it was always visible. it ended up going away but he hates looking at old pictures of himself cause he hates seeing it. it caused him really bad anxiety in public bc he thought people were judging him.

sometimes, people will try to talk to him but he won't hear them bc he can't stop stressing over all of the things he has to do and is stuck in his head. people have to repeat what they're saying and and shake him to get him out of spiraling.

grayson tried to stop taking his anti depressants when he was younger cause he was sure he didn't need them. he realized not long after that he couldn't just stop and that they were actually helping him.

after he realized they were helping him, he started to wonder why he couldn't be 'normal' like his other brothers (at the time, he didn't know his brothers were also struggling with their own issues)

to handle his anxiety when he was younger, he would punch a punching bag. this was before he learned how to handle his anger and stuff. he only allowed himself to lose control when doing this.

his room and office have to be clean at all times. if it isn't, it causes him even more anxiety. it makes him feel messy and not in control.

his grand father used to tell him that hawthornes don't have mental illnesses and that he's overreacting (stupid ass grand father). it made grayson feel like he wasn't good enough.

after avery almost died during the bombing, he considered offing himself bc he didn't think he was worth it. he let one of the people he cares most about almost die, and the guilt was nearly too much for him.

grayson used to feel like he shouldn't be struggling the way he is bc of all of the opportunities and money he has. he felt like his feelings weren't valid, and that others had it worse. he tought he had no reason to feel as crappy as he did and that made him hate himself/think there was smth wrong with him. it only made him feel more depressed.

sometimes, he'd go on the rooftop of the house to get some air, see the height and the deadly fall, and consider jumping off. he used to think everyone was better off without him and that he'd be doing everyone a favor by offing himself.

in my first sad grayson post, i said that he owns a teddy bear nash gave him. he'll never admit it, but when he feels really anxious and like his world is crumbling down, he cuddles with it. it's one of the only things that actually helps him calm down. it also helps when he has a panic attack, he grabs it and holds it against his chest to relax (it also helps him sleep). the only one who knows about all of this is nash.

his anxiety tends to get worse during the winter cause he can't swim in the outdoor pool. its one of his most effective coping mechanisms. swimming in their indoor pool isn't the same according to him.

he used to hate christmas bc people would get him gifts he didn't think he deserved. he loved the gifts he'd receive but thought that people shouldn't be spending their money on him and that others were more worthy.

he used to see a therapist on and off for a while (in secret) when he was younger but would always end up stopping after his grandfather found out and told him he was wasting the therapist's time. he finally starts seeing a therapist consistently in his mid-20s (so after tgg and stuff).

#the inheritance games #grayson hawthorne #jameson hawthorne #avery grambs #nash hawthorne #xander hawthorne

35 notes · View notes

i-yap · 2 days

Note

Hello, good evening, how is everything there?

I was wondering if you could write something about Dick taking his cute girlfriend [Us] shopping (clothes, shoes, jewelry) and also what it would be like to do grocery shopping with him. I love going to the supermarket, it is one of my favorite activities.

By the way, you are like an angel fallen from heaven, there are so few writing about Dick and the Bat-family in general, I feel like writers who are fans of them are becoming extinct.

I just hope they continue making content with these characters, maybe the fandom will resurface once again.

praying for DC and Warner.

Bro same, Idk why but it feels like the fandom is dying but also batfam content is dying? Like I don't remember the last good batfam show was out ..fingers crossed ig.

Dick grayson x reader- Shopping headcanons

Best batboy to go clothes/fashion shopping . He has great style, can pull off anything, very supportive and all the store ladies are really jealous. He gives genuinely good advice and honestly he is like your personal styler and this point.

i dont think you even need to go shopping cuz he gifts you so many dresses and for home wear- his tshits exist?? why would be need sleepwear? why??

but its fun and I get it , sometimes even the perfect man forgets to buy something for his gf. He does keep track of whatever is about to finish, so idk honestly.

Maybe he drags you to go shopping, let him "spoil you" as if he doesn't do that enough already. Or if there's a gala and the 100 dresses in your closet arent enough?

um dressing room sex? yes sorry but yes. Honestly you probably will get jealous of hot seeing dick but dw if you don't initiate, dick totally will.

Mostly fancy ish stores, but unlike bruce he does shop as excitedly at smaller shows( you can find great deals there and really good fits)

Grocery shopping is so cute, he holds the cart and gets all the important stuff while you run around putting sweets and chocolates and while he might say "20 bags of chocolates may be a bit much sweetie, they'll go bad" he doesn't mean it. He is just teasing, and you know that so you play along with a pretty please and big pleading eyes. Thats all he wanted tbh, that and to pull your cheeks.

On the other hand if you look at a snack but don't buy it because you don't want to be excessive , he puts 5 of each in the basket without you noticing. you just notice when they show up in your cabinets .

Will need you next to him or in his eyeview, don't you dare run too far otherwise he will joke about tying you to him( actually considers it)

Will hold all bags and when you offer, he just gives you his hand and tells you that you have the responsibility to make sure not to drop his hand.

All smiles and excitement. Will want coffee afterward or during and will happily try out now boba places or anything cute you wanna have.

Will die if you guys share a piece of cake in a cute cafe..like that is so fricking cute, sharing a drink and a cake and omg he lives for it.

He genuinely enjoyed shopping with you and out of all batboys he is probably the only one that would enjoy it (maybe tim in certain cases) In the end, he got to spend time, compliment and dote on the love of his life..what more can he ask for?

lowkey wanna do all batboys now..maybe if I get time after the requests..i love grocery shopping too. the big American stores- literally dreamed of them growing up. the first time I went to America I just ran around the grocery shop( thebig ones) with my brother and it was so much fun.

26 notes · View notes

buddie911abc · 2 days

Text

Warning. I'm moping.

**I said all this, but then remember how broken Buck and Eddie looked when Chris left. I just can't handle it. The tears.**

I am so gutted about Chris leaving. I've always loved Eddie's dedication and love for his son. It is a big part of his character. This was something special about him that made him stand apart from other characters. I could end the post here because that alone is just devastating.

But I can't leave it alone. I have entered another mopey phase. I was thinking about Eddie the other day. If Buck becomes wrapped up in Tommy, and his new Bobby-approved relationship, then I have to wonder who Eddie is as a character. Who is Eddie now that he might not be part of a super-couple. He was always more than just that. Right? Will Eddie just fade away into a side character? Buck and Eddie will still be friends, but without the Buddie, slow-burn-undercurrent of tension, the friendship hits different. Even when they were with other people, scenes were written that made them gravitate back to each other. (Buddie did not come into existence just because two hot guys were friends. We were seeing content written with multiple interpretations, but there was something in direction, acting, idk. that made it more) I'm not sure we're getting that anymore.

Buck and Eddie hung out all the time. Buck cooked for Eddie and Chris. Buck watched Chris while Eddie did different things, and the two of them had moments they wouldn't have had if Buck hadn't already been present due to Chris. If Buck prepared a meal just for him and Eddie, that would be dating, and they've made it clear they aren't going that route. Eddie has also been framed as a bad@$$ ex-military guy. It once made him unique in the show, but he shares that with Tommy now and Tommy is also a pilot. Eddie was a great father to a child with different needs. That has been taken away as well.

In one of Ryan's interviews, he talked about learning to love himself. I think there is potential, but for the life of me, I can't imagine what kind of story arc you would put with that. He has no foil. He has nothing to push against, and I'm just not in a place where I can see them introducing a character I would appreciate as a love interest. They could still do a new love interest, but that defeats the purpose of learning to love yourself first.

I wanted the season to leave me on the hopeful side of Buddie. I wanted some sort of canon confirmation that makes the audience aware that something is there for Buddie even if the story on screen hasn't reached it yet. I wanted something substantial that isn't us reading a scene with multiple interpretations. Something clear. Some of you may recall I have been vacillating between worrying about Buddie being erased and being hopeful that it would be canon.

As the situation stands, the Will was not mentioned. Chris is gone so co-parenting is now over. They are still friends, but now the writers are putting them together in scenes differently. Buck's reaction to Eddie being shot. That was love. Whenever they had scenes together, there was an undercurrent. That doesn't seem to be present. The scenes from tonight were close, but they were driven by the wider intimacy of their connection to Chris. That chosen family, and again, at the end, Chris was gone.

Say what you will about Tommy. The fact that he was written as the place Buck went to after everything went down with Chris and Bobby, indicates a huge shift in the writing. A lot of people hate Tommy, but he's written to be likable. The hate is mostly unfair. There are a few legitimate complaints, but nothing to account for hate. Even though there hasn't been a lot written so far, time is going to fix how much content we see on Tommy. Until they write him unlikable he's going to gain traction. I'm not ready for that either. And you know Tommy hinting that he wants to be "Daddy" with Buck is going to hit right for a lot of people. (I don't get into the whole Daddy vibe but I respect that a lot of people dig it.)

Anywayz, I ramble. With no new content coming up. I'll have to see if my hope will bounce back again. Maybe I'll see an interview to sway me back to hope.

Wait. I do have one hope. I hope I haven't brought the mood down for the rest of my fellow Buddie shippers. I rely on you guys. I need you to believe in Buddie in the moments I can't.

#911 abc #oliver stark #buddie #911 spoilers #ryan guzman #evan buckley #eddie diaz

30 notes · View notes

alice1505 · 3 days

Text

I made the mistake of rewatching Sherlock because I never did finish it back in the day (I was -clenches fist- seething over the queerbaiting and rage quit after not fully watching episode 1 of s4) and I'm here to make my side hyperfixation (what year is this??? Who am I???) Tumblr's problem. The more I sit with s4, the less I like it 😂 There were pieces and elements I liked, but overall, it left a bad taste in my mouth. Forgive me if any or all if these points have been talked to death, I missed all the discourse and I'm hella late, but I need to flail and send my thoughts into the void because what even WAS that season? I can't believe I avoided it for years, got drawn in by a couple of tiktoks making fun (affectionately) of superwholock Era and That Scene about the fucking phone charger port, binged all of it, only to be left with..... that. Not nearly as disappointing or rage inducing as spn's ending but by God, did it leave a hole in me. So please ignore my rambling thoughts as I slap them down here for my own sanity.

• First and foremost, what - and I can't stress this enough - the fuck was UP with the assassination of John's entire character???? What was that??? Why????

• Related to that point - I can appreciate the angst point and potential it provides, as I'm reading many, many fics, but AYO WHY didn't anyone rip John an entire new one for that beat down he did on Sherlock????? Hello???? 911?????

• Tell me why everything felt so stilted and borderline icy. Like I get the high emotions and shit, but after a certain point... 😭 was there a falling out between Benedict and Martin that I'm not aware of? Did they just try to ungay everything so hard and were so pissed at the audience picking up everything THAT THEY PUT???? into this show and their interactions that they just hit the brakes hard enough to make everything feel weird???

• A lot of it felt weird. Off kilter a little. Forced in some places, toned down in others (and toned down where it shouldn't have been), a nod to ships but weirdly/hatefully??? Idk if that makes sense. Like the whole Sherlock and Molly phone call (I do not mean any hate to this ship, I really hope it doesn't come off this way. Not my cup of tea but you are valid). Why was Molly so upset BEFORE the call? Did I miss something? Also I don't personally think or feel she'd still have those feelings for him??? I??? I am bamboozled.

• to that whole point, Eurus was.... Hmm. Mmmm. She was. Something. (Confused derogatory)

• I like Mary as a character. I also hated her. (Definitely biased by my shipper trash ass self for johnlock, I'm sorry). Wtf were those messages, please. Edit: AND ANOTHER THING. John's reaction to Sherlock's death - awful, gut wrenching, beautiful, my heart breaks with and for him, utterly devasting. John's reaction to Mary's death - had me sitting there like🧍‍♀️(it was weird. so weird. awkward. w h y. (we know why, but also the acting choices were Something TM, in both cases! for different reasons!) i'm sorry i just can't get past my anger and put off-ness with mary, fun as she could be)

• why did mycroft and John switch roles 😭 pls. The last episode was just. So Much. The lackluster responses from John, to John, to Sherlock, between them, like.... hello???? Who are these people?? Help me. Moriarty saved me for a brief shining moment tho, God bless.

There's more I could spew, but that's what's sitting right at the top of my head. I guess all this just to say, if a show runner/writer really just fucking hates the audience they got (instead of the one they wanted), they probably shouldn't have fucking become a show runner/writer in the first place. Either hand it to someone who can actually handle it and listens, or fuck off. I will never understand when shows and plots and characters gets kamikaze'd because of a show runner being pissy and egotistical. Like ????? Grow up. Learn from Bryan Fuller and Hannibal or something.

Sorry for all the rambling, bless anyone who reads this and makes sense of it 😂

#sherlock #bbc sherlock #sherlock holmes #john watson #johnlock #season 4 #s4 #steven moffat #mark gatiss #yo wtf #rambling thoughts #ranting #rip me

22 notes · View notes

irkimatsu · 2 days

Note

Husk being such a sweetheart and being with him meaning knowing you never ever have to worry about your looks with him.

He’s shirtless and has messy fur all the time for crying out loud.

You have body image issues? He’ll put a stop to any spirals with a bunch of kisses and affirmations.

You think your looks aren’t enough? Someone said something? Tell him who it was. He’s gonna have a nice chat with the idiot who made his honey feel even remotely bad.

Having a day where it feels like everything is just wrong? You’re not thick or thin enough in the right places? He’s right there to remind you that beauty standards are bullshit and you are so damn beautiful and sexy to him, or do you need a little reminding doll face~

Just always knowing no matter what you think or feel about your body Husk is always there to remind you how much he loves it (in some very, very nice ways sometimes too *cough cough* worship kink *cough cough* who said that)

Idk, just some Husk comfort for some issues

- 💃

I talked about a lot of this in the other ask you sent, but ohhhh boy worship kink. Fucking worship kink. (I'm writing from the perspective of a fat reader with tits because I'm a fat reader with tits, hoorah for self-indulgence)

Husk getting the bedroom set up for a night of romance like he's so good at, with relaxing music and scented candles. You're laying nude on his bed, and he's standing over you, eyeing you; not with lustful hunger, but as if he's admiring a priceless work of art.

"Beautiful..." his whispers, voice so soft and full of awe.

"...what about me is beautiful?" you ask. It's not that you think Husk would lie to you to make you feel better; he's never been that kind of man. But being spread out like this for him, so vulnerable... your nerves are making it hard for you to figure out what it is about you that he likes so much.

"Where do I even start?" he asks as he climbs into the bed and hovers over you on all fours. His pupils are blown wide, and his tail is waving in fascination. A gentle purr rumbles in his throat. "Your eyes are beautiful..." he starts as he gently drags a claw down your cheek. Before you have time to deny his compliment, he's already sliding down your body. "And your chest..." He chuckles deeply, his voice sweet like warm honey, as he nuzzles against one of your breasts. "Fuckin' soft..."

You half-laugh, half-moan as his fur tickles the sensitive flesh.

"Fuckin' cute voice, too..."

As he continues kissing and nuzzling your chest, he trails his claws down your sides, before letting them rest on your hips. Your nerves are screaming in panic. You're considerably overweight; not curvy, not plump, just fat. How could he possibly-

You gasp at the pressure as he massages your hips in his palms.

"I like having something to grab," he says. "Something to hold on to while I pull you close to me..."

He squeezes your thigh between his legs and lightly grinds against it. Another part of you that could stand to be smaller-

"Fuck..." His wings flutter as he thrusts, and his eyelids drift half-shut. "This must be what heaven feels like. Can't imagine anything softer... 'cept being inside you, of course," he adds with a playful laugh.

"Husk... wouldn't you like me better if I-"

"No."

"But you don't even know what-"

"I like you as you are. That's it." He moves his nuzzling up to your neck. "Do you know what it's like for me when I hold you?" He rolls off of you to lay by your side, and pulls you into his arms to prove his point. "Feeling every soft part of you pressed against me? Having so much of you to touch and kiss?" His paws focus their affections on your ass and thighs as he continues kissing your neck, before burying his face into it and growling in satisfaction. "You fit so perfectly in my arms. Why would I want less of you?"

"Husk..." You're still not sure if you believe him; all you can do is hope that he doesn't ever let you go. His embrace is so comforting, and his touches almost make you feel... desired.

"How can I convince you that you're fuckin' perfect for me? I'll touch you anywhere, kiss you anywhere. Just tell me. Let me prove it."

He's not backing down until you finally believe in what he sees in you. You may be laying here for a while, at the mercy of his paws and his lips... at least both of you will enjoy every second.

#irk blubbers about nothing #irk huskposts #irk got asked a thing #irk talks to strangers

15 notes · View notes

autisticlee · 1 year

Text

is it an autistic experience to ALWAYS be the one in a friend group who gets left out, alienated, secretly disliked, then kicked out of the group?

#autistic #autism #actually autistic #autism things #asking autistics #i want/need a friend group but it ALWAYS GOES BAD!!!!!!!! AND ITS SOMEHOW ALWAYS MY FAULT?! idk what im doing wrong. people suck.#but i need people and i hate that about me. why cant i split myself in half a few times #or learn how to do group activities alone....like playing tennis. going to the amusement park ive wanred to go to since i was a kid.#drive alone on long trips where i will fall asleep but talk to myself so i dont or something. walk on the park trails alone where people #get kidnapped and stuff when alone. go to a convention and cosplay a group of characters alone. one for each finger....#if you cant tell im being sarcastic. and doing a bad job. sighs. i hate that i have to do everything i need/want a group for alone because #i cant make friends or make groups keep me in them. assuming because im autistic and they hate me 🙃#eother that or im a piece of shit and dont realize it!!!!! how am i supposed to know when no one tells me!!!! 😭😭😭😭#so is it actually me and my fault or is it because im autistic and people just do this to us for some reason #autism stuff

179 notes · View notes

rapidhighway · 2 months

Text

every time I come back home I experience new mental illnesses -_-

#its not even bad rn it's been nice #there's just so much horrible stuff underneath it all though and i think i just can't handle it #i think im just grieving my entire life every time I come here #and I've been just having these thoughts i guess intrusive thoughts about everyone dying tragically for the laste few days and it's #NOT FUCKING HELPING #idk it's nice we're all nice and both is happening but there's always some new info dropped on me that they just.#expect me to process by myself and i just end up crying at night all the time cause like what am i supposed to do #yeah sorry for venting again i was getting a bit better at not doing tht but i neeed it rn ToT #k i think i just need to go to sleep and maybe ill forget everything tomorrow or something idk #vent #vent post

34 notes · View notes

that-was-anticlimactic · 2 months

Text

one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t

#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap #bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU #lol idk why my head is so bad today #the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it #i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do #oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse #sorry guys needed to rant #the inadequacy was strong today #something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like #i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me.#and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but #my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m #missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids #who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me #for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just—#sorry #that felt good actually #idk what came over me #imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags #sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh #okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is

10 notes · View notes

snickerdoodlles · 2 months

Text

there's a lot of things people blame for why fandoms feel like ghost towns these days, but no one's really talked about the way discord's contributing to it

#its like #people are trying to force fit discord's chatrooms into forum boards #except discord is just. really really *really* poorly setup for that #and theres no way to archive or share it so everything said in it is easily lost despite personal export or community pins or search option #and like #vaguely hearing about the way some people are unsatisfied with them/feeling unfufilled in the response to them #a lot of people would be better off posting those things to places like tumblr #where there isnt a time limit on when people see or respond to them #part of what's scary/frustrating on tumblr rn is some fandoms arent good about reblogging to posts or tag rambling #like with bad buddy a large part of the fun was the enthusiastic and in depth tag rambles and the way responses built on each other #vs something like kinnporsche which feels much more like-oriented #like? its not like theres any one way to fandom #and there's nothing actually wrong with likes or quiet reblogs #but vaguely hearing about the way some people were/are really upset with some servers im just kinda like #idk #feels a bit like people trying to force a square thru a circle or that they're looking in the wrong spaces for what they want #.......this is not a complaint for my space ajkds i think i've carved out a pretty happy space for myself!#im just checking the reblog graphs of some old vs new stuff and thinking about a convo other cookie and i were having over the weekend #i have a lot of friends around and i love everyone who's happy to ramble with me #but i do feel a slight case of DM burnout rn where mostly people reach out to me via DMs instead of reblogs #which is a very different dynamic #its like. hmmm words #i love DMs but the pressure of responding to a lot of individual messages #vs something like reblogs which is more open forum for everyone and feels more communal #if that makes sense?#the difference between visiting one person at home vs casually hanging out with a group at a cafe #and the lovely thing about tumblr specifically is that i can set down a reblog chain for several days if i need #before returning to it later when i have more time/energy #its got Longevity that discord lacks u know #........okay enough tag musings from me ajkfhjdgfhj BYE

15 notes · View notes

lettucedloophole · 1 month

Text

spoilers for the latest dungeon meshi ep but oh my GODDD i love marcille my pobrecita.. i think ryoko kui wrote sexism's effects on marcille really well, i think it's neat how she's a silly little guy and other people kind of underestimate her and it seems she is often down on herself about her failures or, "burdening" others in a way that feels very authentic to how it feels to be a woman and have that extra pressure of perfection to dispell suspicions of your inferiority. it's just very much the feeling i gather from it which makes marcille so relatable. and then to put another layer on it when it came out that she did black magic, she's literally A Bad Ass she is LITERALLY a Badass which makes her doubt of herself even more starkly inappropriate, and in this new episode despite the Fact that she is A Bad Ass when everyone's being a BIG MEANIE to her she's like a sad puppy when people don't let her help with revivals and like idk if i missed something but she doesn't even push back against them saying they're going to turn her in in like, a threatening way, she is just... scared. which hurt me i just wanted everyone stop being so MEAN TO HERRR my POBRECITAAAA. MY TINY LITTLE BABYY

i also laughed a lot and freaked out catching up on the two latest episodes today. DEVASTATING miscalculation on chilchuck's part to protect senshi when laois has No sense of Social cue. really happy to see laois and kabru meet, they're really funny together and i see why people like them so much as a ship now!! i am ECSTATIC that shuro is out of the game in terms of ehem. courting falin. bro COULDN'T HACK IT gEDDEM marcille. get that red dragon lady.. and omg it made me SOOOO MAD that they tried to blame marcille for that like how could that even b her fault!!! >:((( its obv the mad mage's doing. i dont get it they r just big meanies!!! stop shitting on my girl!!!

i like how kabru is like laios if he had more social awareness and was a litle Conniving... and omfg i thought it was so funny and sweet how shuro and laios just fucking beat each other up 😭 shuro said i hate autistic ppl fr. no but im glad he showed up for laios & co. in the end.. sometimes you just gotta talk ur feelings out over a fistfight lol

it was soo so fun seeing everyone interact .. all these fun characters... i cant wait to see what happens next!!! i love this show literally one of my fav animes EVER now definitely its so good its SOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD!! im terrified not knowing when its gonna end and how im gonna cope when the season ends 🗿 methinks i will have to read the manga instantly after or i will go insane from dungeon meshi withdrawal..

#dungeon meshi spoilers #this is totally just me rambling this show makes me so happyyyy #i usually hate rewatching stuff but idk if i just want to take everything or what #but i had a process of watching it like. rewatch old ep then watch new ep #and i also rewatched it all around ep 13 or something #but i think im going to rewatch it again just because I love ... so much..#is so good... need dunmeshi ..#i also need to develop my senshi tulpa more so my life is less disastrous #at least in terms of food and sleep #i slept until 7pm and then ate 3meals in a row so -_- need that senshi tulpa #lol the way laios did the im stronger than u thing but listed his food and sleep sched. as the reason 😭😭😭😭 beautiful . so beautiful #it makes me SAD that they tried to kill falin but realistically what else could they do.. i just dont want laios think monsters r all bad #or the rest of the crew. anymore...#may b theyre just friends and its the mad mages fault :((#and then kabru was like u have to kill orcs and im like NOOOOOOOOOo dont DO THAT #i was so SHOCOKED. SHOCKEKD when so many ppl were wiped out by falin. literally crazy sauce. broooo #i wuv dungeomeshi so much......#also i just have to say that shuro n laios fight? p gay...ngl #laios n falin r so similar its just falin is um. well better at masking #the Autism Twins (insert flame font(#its like i think shuro's feelings r genuine n not shallow for falin but i also dont think he knows her as well as he thinks.#i mean apparently he is Poor at connecting with others #love those guys. silly guys. the lot of em #chilchuck's being mad at marcile for black magic is a lot less annoying 2 me now that i know. other ppls react WAYYY worse #wuv em

8 notes · View notes

possiblytracker · 8 months

Text

coughs loudly. scheduling this post for slightly later today so i have time to get lunch and not chicken out before it goes up

firstly i gotta apologise for dropping off the face of the earth. in hindsight it was creeping up on me for a long time I just didn't think anything of it/had enough stuff going on to ignore it for a while, but ive been wrestling with pretty abysmal mental health that just kinda hit me like a truck back in august. i wont get too much into it but things just ground to a halt and in the span of a week or so it legitimately felt like i stopped being a Person- i just stagnated, felt like i lost the ability and will to do anything or enjoy things or create like i used to, all my energy went into keeping it together in front of my family, and it made me way too anxious and ashamed and guilty to want to show my face. like who would want to put up with my stupid bullshit, right (wrong! that idea just made me unbelievably worse and i regret it extremely, but my anxiety was going extremely unchecked at this time). i don't think i've ever been that depressed before and i didn't at all know how to handle it or begin to claw my way out

fortunately, a combination of getting exercise + touching grass regularly and new enrichment/hyperfixations to latch onto like an orphaned duckling are very recently kicking some life back into me so to speak. who wouldve thought. and now where i used to still feel stomach-turning dread and paranoia thinking about getting back on tumblr and discord a week or two ago, it finally feels like i can handle dipping my toes back in. i'm making this post first bc i know most of my friends will see it, and that feels less taxing than explaining myself a bunch of different times over and over and dragging it out, but ofc i will try and get back into conversation when and as i can (askbox and discord is still best to reach me if you wanted). i'm just really sorry, and I hope you can forgive me, for making you worry or otherwise

i'm not sure what to do from here (i'm considering maybe moving main blogs to a clean slate eventually? this one will still be here i couldnt bear to get rid of it, i've just had it since i was 16 there's Baggage attached) but i'll be trying to ease my way back into relative normalcy before doing anything big ofc. in the meantime i will be vaguely floating around here again. see you around and thank you for your time..

#cryingcat.png #god i hope tumblr doesnt send out a stupid notifcation to all followers that i posted i dont know what the time limit for that is but augha #here i am tho either way #vent/#i have missed people the entire time it is very hard to describe how stupid and cowardly it feels knowing i Could come back at any time #but also being utterly paralysed and afraid to do so. like surely i could just suck it up and i Tried but i am so so mentally unwell #i need to work on how fucked up my freeze/flight response to stress is really bad it ruins my life but i am still too unemployd for therapy #so my broke ass just has to deal with unpacking my own shit for 2 months/j #anyway the point is even tho i am getting better somewhat irl ive still been struggling to pluck up the courage to come back online #but i can't keep it up forever and completely shut down just bc it makes my anxiety superficially feel 'safer'#so here i am. feeling slightly less full of dread. bc i at very least owe it to everyone to let you all know im not dead or something idk #and i also owe it to myself to not be miserable on purpose forever!!#now i just have to get everything unmuted and wait for this to post see you on the other side

18 notes · View notes