#here i am tho either way

[possiblytracker]

coughs loudly. scheduling this post for slightly later today so i have time to get lunch and not chicken out before it goes up

firstly i gotta apologise for dropping off the face of the earth. in hindsight it was creeping up on me for a long time I just didn't think anything of it/had enough stuff going on to ignore it for a while, but ive been wrestling with pretty abysmal mental health that just kinda hit me like a truck back in august. i wont get too much into it but things just ground to a halt and in the span of a week or so it legitimately felt like i stopped being a Person- i just stagnated, felt like i lost the ability and will to do anything or enjoy things or create like i used to, all my energy went into keeping it together in front of my family, and it made me way too anxious and ashamed and guilty to want to show my face. like who would want to put up with my stupid bullshit, right (wrong! that idea just made me unbelievably worse and i regret it extremely, but my anxiety was going extremely unchecked at this time). i don't think i've ever been that depressed before and i didn't at all know how to handle it or begin to claw my way out

fortunately, a combination of getting exercise + touching grass regularly and new enrichment/hyperfixations to latch onto like an orphaned duckling are very recently kicking some life back into me so to speak. who wouldve thought. and now where i used to still feel stomach-turning dread and paranoia thinking about getting back on tumblr and discord a week or two ago, it finally feels like i can handle dipping my toes back in. i'm making this post first bc i know most of my friends will see it, and that feels less taxing than explaining myself a bunch of different times over and over and dragging it out, but ofc i will try and get back into conversation when and as i can (askbox and discord is still best to reach me if you wanted). i'm just really sorry, and I hope you can forgive me, for making you worry or otherwise

i'm not sure what to do from here (i'm considering maybe moving main blogs to a clean slate eventually? this one will still be here i couldnt bear to get rid of it, i've just had it since i was 16 there's Baggage attached) but i'll be trying to ease my way back into relative normalcy before doing anything big ofc. in the meantime i will be vaguely floating around here again. see you around and thank you for your time..

#cryingcat.png #god i hope tumblr doesnt send out a stupid notifcation to all followers that i posted i dont know what the time limit for that is but augha #here i am tho either way #vent/ #i have missed people the entire time it is very hard to describe how stupid and cowardly it feels knowing i Could come back at any time #but also being utterly paralysed and afraid to do so. like surely i could just suck it up and i Tried but i am so so mentally unwell #i need to work on how fucked up my freeze/flight response to stress is really bad it ruins my life but i am still too unemployd for therapy #so my broke ass just has to deal with unpacking my own shit for 2 months/j #anyway the point is even tho i am getting better somewhat irl ive still been struggling to pluck up the courage to come back online #but i can't keep it up forever and completely shut down just bc it makes my anxiety superficially feel 'safer' #so here i am. feeling slightly less full of dread. bc i at very least owe it to everyone to let you all know im not dead or something idk #and i also owe it to myself to not be miserable on purpose forever!! #now i just have to get everything unmuted and wait for this to post see you on the other side

[notachair]

Since atla is again having an extra surge of popularity, I'm shooting my shot:

[ID: (Rest of image description in alt). At the bottom of the image sits the text: "Zuko: Okay. Well, I can't remember how it starts, but the punchline is "leaf me alone, I'm bushed."" ID end].

Did we ever find out what the setup for this joke was? I feel kinda haunted by it. If not- anyone wanna make their best or worst guesses?

edit: I now know what "I'm bushed" mean, but go ahead anyway 👍

haunted thoughts in tags ↓

#atla #the way I was early out for this next surge in popularity 🤗 I was in a different phase by 2020 #it's not like it haunts me day and night but it does bother me thinking back on it. please tell me I'm not the only one 🧍‍♂️ #I'll have to reblog the 'closure is a myth' post jk #what kind... of joke is it? leaf pun on leave i get. I'm bushed however I dont get. it implies the punchline sayer is a bush at least I #think. but what prompts the 'i am bushed' I dont get. is it not contextual? is it a phrase ive not connected like 'leaf me alone'? #is there anotger layer between leaf and bush? again what kind of joke (social:joke purpose. what is funny? only pun?) + (in-joke set up)? #is it about the kind of bush it is? is it between two plants? the plant & someone picking on the plant like a teamaker collecting? #is it about a plant that has grown into bush and thus (somethingsomething)?? is it not a plant at all? other elements? iroh *what*. #if the creators actually had a setup in mind- I fear it will be lame. but yet I am haunted #it must have cracked someone up for him to try relay it. (set in term of endearment here) 🧍‍♂️👈 *poking him* #either way. me 🤝 zuko @ being bad at remembering & relaying jokes 😁👍 #at least in that instance anyway #I mainly stick to irony & sarcasm. running along with an mistaken assumption or replying w something silly & blowing it out of proportions. #puns if I'm lucky. ect. fun when I can reference it later tho I try not to overdo it. not like I'll likely remember it for too long anyway #now to lay in wajt see if anything happens.... #avatar the last airbender #zuko #atla zuko #a:tla #my rambles #its lie and not lay is it not.....

[babyboybuckley]

Gonna do a painting a day until they tell us the truth

#smosh #smosh fanart #shayne topp #courtney miller #smosh wedding #shourtney #shourtney wedding #fanart #watercolour #i am SCREAMING over here #like fr im too neurodivergent for this #give me answers #the fact that its in santa barbara tho... makes me think maybe it might be real #but idk!!! could be a really funny fucking prank #either way i am not digging into it im just enjoying the pictures #if true? so happy for them fr #if prank? funniest thing theyve ever done and im not mad

[obihoe]

obito's version of madara's life and konoha's foundation etc. is so funny like it just makes no fucking scents! lol. like .. i remember when i read this for the first time i was like um. huh?? like madara and his motives, it all seems so nebulous in there. the uchiha and senju, they want to make peace but madara is like ugh, no, i would rather keep fightinggg 😣 but then he's like alright man, whatever, we will make peace but THEN. hashirama wants to become hokage (which .. not true) and like madara, again, is like ummm no, EYE want to become hokage (also not true) lets fight to the death abt it. and also his clansmen, they hate him (that part is true i guess) but he also did tell them before that he'd rather keep fighting! so his brother's sacrifice would be worth it like obito is like "i told them WHERE is ur fighting spirit?? where has all ur hatred and willingness to keep killing each other gone" or smth and like "madara" in the memory is shown to like rant abt it to his clansmen who then do decide that they hate him (which. understandable?? LMFAO) and at some point he's like well they BETRAYED me :( so i left the village to come back later and fucking blow the shit out of it like it just doesnt make any sense? Madara makes no sense in this story. maybe the real madara was just fucking senile as fuck when he told obito all of this but like obviously he also wanted to hide some details. no details abt him and hashirama, no details abt the nature of their bond and his death etc. but i think he might also just not be a very good liar. asfsgdhds. like he just doesnt fill in the blanks very well. doesnt seem so concerned abt how all that makes HIM look either. he's just like yeah, i was obsessed with power and battle so i destroyed everything for myself ^_^ not MY fault tho. write this down. and obito is like alright alright .. ✍🤨 sure

#obito #posts #madara #ASFLDSFS #i think its also very funny to hear obt present HIMSELF that way #like he's like 'i sought ever more power ... even didnt hold back from hurting or killing my loved ones for it' like ummm #okay WHO would just calmly say this abt themselves tho. like hiii i am insane i'll do anything for power btw ^_^ #it seems so fucking weird/unbelievable but sasuke gets a pass for believing him #since he's got literally other shit to worry abt #and u know. maybe he didnt actually believe him either. the itachi part is whats relevant here #everything else is just fucking. noise to him

[bred-is-a-dumb-name]

Haha what if,,what if I made a future AU where they were all counselors at camp Campbell,,,

(I say "what if" like i haven't already been developing one in my brain)

#does this fandom even exist rn?? idk theres not a ton of new content im noticing #but i dont even care bc i am so brainrot that im gonna make stuff for it anyways >:))( #anyways i might make a post abt headcanons for this AU and like some events i have for it im not sure yet tho if anyone would be interested #either way here ya go #art of the trio bc i love them and they mean everything to me #my art #fanart #art #camp camp fanart #camp camp #cc max #camp camp max #cc nikki #camp camp nikki #cc neil #camp camp neil #camp camp au #future au #counselors au #i have so many thoughts abt this #artists on tumblr #artists of tumblr #sketches #sketch

[spitblaze]

I had a sneaking suspicion already but Hobie Brown Spiderpunk really highlights how many of you people looooove the punk aesthetic and calling yourself and things 'punk' but either can't stand by or know absolutely nothing about the music or the ideology

#spitblaze says things #im not gonna say im the most knowledgeable person abt punk rock #i listen to some. not a ton. but i know what i like #i am also aware of the broad strokes of punk ideology. anarchism and nonconformity and violent rebellion #but like. i think some of u are either 14 or only here for the Aesthetics of punk #either way i implore you to take a look at punk culture thats deeper than surface level its fascinating and cool as hell #if ur an adult tho im saying that with more urgency bc i really want u to stop saying 'hobie brown listens to lin-manuel miranda'

[acrylicthegod]

My friend is already finishing up season 1 of Good Omens :D

#They would've finished it a while ago if they came to school earlier tho >:( #also 2 other people joined in halfway through season #I had to spend a good time explaining it to them which took off more time #but that's FINE #Either way watching them watch Good Omens is so funny #They'll say something like “They're such a good couple I hope nothing bad happens to them!” #and I'm just over here like *DON'T SPOIL DON'T SPOIL DON'T SPOIL-* #Season 2 is gonna be a rollercoaster for them :) #I keep on responding to the questions they have(that are answered in the show later on) with “wait and see” #am very evil #good omens s2 #good omens #david tennant #michael sheen #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #aziracrow

[pitske]

long fucking rant about the joy of reading a good book. (not at all accurate title)

I just finished reading Felidae! incredible book I really love the story and- okay bear with me. I got the book a few years back because my mom mentioned reading it when she was younger. I told her I'd want to read it as well and she went through the painstaking process of finding it (which was not easy because the Author is a right fucking prick so his books aren't really sold anymore.)

so we found it on ebay eventually.( god knows I am not givin that author my money) I left it alone for a few years, had other shit to read and actually did not read much at all during that time...

right fast forward I decide I should read it because one of my terrible habits is starting thousands of things at once and never really finishing any of em. SO AND THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING! I read the first 3 pages or so n talked to my mom and brother about it shortly, saying I liked the way it was written, the characters, the exposition, etc etc- AND at the mention of the plot my brother goes "oh! I've heard of that! it's the book that some german studio made into that horrifying animated movie adaptation!" AND IT ALL CAME CRASHING DOWN

because I remember what he meant because you KNOW tiny me with unrestricted internet access had seen some clips of the gory , disturbing cat-movie before! and you know what? I was unfortunate (or maybe fortunate , seeing how I'm a massive horror fan now) enough to watch "Watership down" as a kid so when I saw Felidae being ranked even HIGHER than that movie in those "ooh horrofying disturbing kids movieees ooh" lists, I swore I'd never watch it..

and here we are, I read that boook so fast and it is actually incredibly entertaining (i also just have never read a "krimi" before so I definitely have a high appreciation for the genre now)

I am incredibly excited to watch the movie. JUST AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH a 2D animated thriller-detective cat movie with horrorfying scenes and absurd amounts of gore??? COUNT ME IN TL:DR : I realize that reading is fun if you actually have a good book to read and obsess over the story of a cat solving a series of cat murders

#I hate that this happens so often #where I find a great book or show and then the creator/author suck massive balls #looking at you jk rowling #either way I should read more good book. I had a lot of fun reading this one I should really read more Krimis #if anyone's got horror / thriller book recs feel free to throw em at me #please no stephen king tho I dislike how he writes (still forcing myself to read Cujo tho) #this is BY FAR the most incoerrent of my rambles #and since this is tumblr and I doubt I have anyone who wnat to read trough all of this #I am very much going to neglect checking my LRS in this #dyslexia is kicking my ass and today it is WINNING #pitskederdoenerhaendler #just. if kid me saw that I am actively deciding to watch this movie rn they would take me by the shoulders and shake me violently #I fuckiiiinggg love good books. I'll either continue reading Moby Dick where I left off or his majesties dragon (2) where I left of #you see I have a ton of started boosk #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I actually have to rewatch Skinamarink so I can rant about it here

[box5intern]

As someone who maintains that Luciana thought Erik was going to look like Timothée Chalamet, who treasures Luciana and has two AUs where she prospers in the works, as someone who BELIEVES in the potential they had, upon seeing this image I--

#its them your honor #screaming crying throwing up #no I don't have him looking like timmie in either story #he's got Kay Face #It's the ENERGY tho #how am I supposed to just go about my day after seeing this #why did acclaimed director martin scorsese personally attack me in this way in a perfume ad #timmie in the rain in that fit are you joking #i hate it here #best thing i've ever seen in my life iconic five stars

[dutybcrne]

Thunderings are happening, my brain has funneled off into hcs mode

#//Aka; guess who am I gonna ramble on abt rn lol #☆ ┆ ( .ooc. ); #hc; kaeya #//That's right; babes! #//Anywho; Kae is NOT a fan of thunder #//If it's not tales of the Electro Archon from his father; then it's the circumstances in which they'd parted #//The moment the storm rolled in; he was terrified esp of the sound and ran himself ragged trying to find a place to escape it #//Damn near ran himself off a cliff had a strike of lightning not made him stumble back from it #//Managed to find his way to the winery where he hid for a bit before Tunner found him and Crepus managed to persuade him to stay #//After damn near running the man winded bc he thought he was trying to chase him off or worse #//The fear lingered and festered more the longer he stayed in the Land of the Anemo Archon; out of guilt for 'deceiving' the Ragnvindrs #//For letting him stay there; for not telling them why he was here. Grew up half expecting to get Smote or smth at any time #//Esp whenever Luc dragged him into mischief or he went to the Church with them for whatever reason #//Mostly the former; but bc it was Luc asking him to clown; he didn't mind the 'potential risk' #//Even as a knight; he tended to get extremely skittish and quicker-tempered when it came to patrol during storms. Still does #//Tho at that time; thinly veiling the fact that he very much felt like a cornered animal every time he had to go and couldn't get out of i #//Esp if Luc was the one who asked him to come with; bc like before; he really didn't ever want nor like to say no to him #//The aversion got worse bc thundered the night of his Confrontation with Diluc too; absolutely increased how much he hated it #//His aversion tends to manifest in a drop in temperatures or frost formation; as well as him pausing and quickly glancing about #//As if he's half expecting a threat of some sort; really he's quickly locating things to distract himself with #//If he's with a trusted person; he'll tend to wordlessly press against their side; then either brush it off like he just wanted to #//Or mutter a quick 'thunder' and Not Elaborate whatsoever. Either they get it or they don't #//He WILL get annoyed if he's teased about it. And it will take him AWHILE before he lets the person comfort him during bc of it #//Bc from that point; he will assume it's done mockingly or bc they feel they HAVE to; and he hates that #//If they let him be or even support him more instead; he will make a passing mention abt how much he hates thunder to start cuing them in #//They just gotta show they are a Safe person--bonus is this opens up a LOT of doors when it comes to trust later #//It doesn't help that he already hates dealing with loud sounds as is; even the blasts from Klee Jumpy Dumpties set him on edge #//But the bad memories he has to thunder make it the worse by far to him

[bog-horse]

anyway my issue with a lot of other helpols (which just makes me avoid the larger community and do my own thing in my corner) is that a lot of them are recon (which is fine!!!) but i am inherently informal and weird as shit in my practice. i call hades and hestia my spiritual dad/mom, hermes gets donuts as offerings when i’m trying to get to class on time and avoid traffic, i once asked artemis to keep deer from jumping out in front of my car on a road trip home with an offering of granola/sports bars. when people get too formal with the gods and pull out the titles, i usually bail bc it makes me uncomfortable. my relationship with my deities is extremely deep and connected, and it’s not that people who have more formal relationships with them can’t also have those, but it’s that if i called hades “lord hades” with any seriousness, he’d hit me with a rock, basically.

i don’t judge other people for their practices or more formal relationships bc honestly, it’s between you and your gods, but like… my go-to offering is the pomegranate brookside dark chocolates, and yes. sometimes i eat them out of my offering dishes the next day.

#i feel like recons are a lot more uhhh #noticeable on this platform? or maybe there really are just more of them #but i feel like us gremlin freaks aren’t very common on here #or maybe we just don’t get many posts bc people don’t relate as much or we don’t do the whole lists of offerings/altar ideas/prayers/etc #my list of offerings for hades won’t work for most people bc he’s very specific in how he reaches out to me #i have a severe aversion to mint. a lot of people put mint in their hades offerings and i know why #but i genuinely hate mint anywhere near me so i can’t use those #so i just don’t bother with a lot of offering lists and making them myself feels like letting people into my underwear drawer? like. that’s #between me and Him‚ basically. although that’s not to imply godspousing or anything i’m just using it as an easy example people will #understand. but yeah idk #i avoid a lot of the helpol community because i don’t feel like i fit in well #i am not recon and never will be bc it doesn’t vibe with my personality or lifestyle #i show my devotation in other ways‚ but those aren’t as easy to post online or share #and i don’t really want to share them either‚ soooo ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #pagan stuff #bones.txt #zeus gets titles when i work with him tho. i know he’s usually in good humor and the one time i made a bid to him for rain it went well #(after 4-6 weeks of processing time) but i still try to be extra polite to him #hades doesn’t care. zeus might actually strike me down with lightning y’know? #or at least threaten it idk

[daz4i]

maybe i need to steal a name from a fictional character. that's usually the best. the question is who

#I'm kinda feeling a feminine name or at least a gender neutral one yknow? 🧐 #scratch that what if i went full on kinnie mode and just called myself arsene. who's gonna stop me #(i don't think i will. but i think i may be onto smth here. at least like a direction) #hmmmm maybe a flower... i like flowers #. either way i probably shouldn't decide now. i am very sleepy #feel free to hit me with suggestions in my sleep tho.