#i love characters with family issues cause i relate to them lol

[ghoostrash]

i did the meme

#my art #digital art #fan art #disney #tangled #rapunzel #amour sucré #amor doce #my candy love #mcl #mcl nathaniel #cdm nathaniel #long time no see mcl fandom #i miss nath content #i love characters with family issues cause i relate to them lol

[snakeautistic]

I love finding characters I can relate (/project onto) within media. There’s something so comforting about seeing yourself on screen. I end up headcanoning most of them to be in-line with my identities (lesbian, wasian, autistic) because they are literally me in my head!!

Anyway here’s a long ass list of my favorite characters and why I head canon them as autistic for fun!! If you have any others you’d like to add I’d love to hear them. (And please note this is just my interpretation, and highly based on my experience with autism. I’m not saying they’re definitely autistic or that all the traits I listed are the dsm-5 criteria or something.)

Princess Bubblgeum from adventure time:

This girl is peak evil scientist autistic. Her intense need for control, the way she carefully observes the citizens she created, an outsider to them, not quite like them… god it’s so perfect. I read her as being somewhat low empathy as well, it’s hard for her to change her perspective to that of others. Plus the fact her brother neddy is a pretty obvious metaphor for higher supports needs autism. I think they of represent how autism runs in the family and appears in all sorts of different ways in different people. They’re sort of two different representations of the spectrum.

Marcy wu from amphibia

I mean this one is just obvious. The biggest nerd of all time. So obsessed with her RPG special interest that she literally sucks her and her friends into a fantasy world. She’s clumsy (just like me fr), very smart but super socially awkward, a little oblivious and naive. She’s terrified of change, especially if it means abandoning the few social bonds she’s been able to make. I honestly find it hard to believe this wasn’t intentional.

Entrapta from she-ra

Another pretty overt example. I do have some issues with how she was portrayed in the show- (keeping her on a leash was weird.) but overall I really love her. She understands her tech, not people, and it can cause her to come into conflict with other characters. Their treatment of her makes me sad at times, but it’s realistic. I also love some of her other quirks, her love of tiny food, her exitable demeanor, ect.

Pearl from Steven Universe

Peridot is the more obvious example of an autistic character in SU, and while I agree she’s coded that way, I personally resonate more with Pearl. She is not very socially aware, and bothered by disruptions to her routine/ broader life changes. She doesn’t like to break rules (despite being a literal rebel lol.) I find it interesting how she seems to have the poorest understanding of life on earth out of the gems, despite having lived here for thousands of years. She is graceful, but has an almost sort of awkward gangly-ness to her that I relate to. Her neuroticism is also very similar to how my anxiety disorder presents.

Pearl has a tendency to infodump, without realizing those around her are uninterested. Even her relationship with Rose struck a chord with me. The hopeless devotion to her, the way she followed along at her side. It’s how many of my friendships have been. Obvious it’s not exactly the same considering Pearl having originally been her servant, but while not being an explicitly autistic trait, that sort of clingy, starstruck relationship is something autistic people are prone to developing. She does little hand stims at times too that I love to see.

Poison Ivy (specifically the version in the Harley Quinn animated show)

I’m surprised I haven’t seen more people mention poison Ivy. Fiercely intelligent and deeply introverted, she isolates herself from all people, and only connects with and understands her plants. (Which her deep affinity for can definitely be read as a special interest.) She very overtly has trouble forming relationships with others.

She’s blunt, socially awkward and a loner, has something of a flat effect and a monotone voice. Those around her initially read her as cold and impersonable.Her struggle with social anxiety as well as intense fear of failure/ low self esteem is also very relatable to me. She also often struggles to express/understand her feelings and emotions. Her radical political ideas and the fact that she’s literally an ecoterrorist paints her as having a very strong sense of justice and a somewhat black and white worldview. (Me)

Finally, her relationship with Harley just SCREAMS neurodivergent solidarity. Harley Quinn is (I think canonically) adhd, and they’re both outsiders in the world that found each other and just… get each other. She’s Ivy’s closest and only friend and amazing girlfriend and god it’s all so perfect.

They remind me a lot of the relationship I have with my best friend with adhd except theirs is gayer.

#autistic headcanon #autism headcanon #headcanon #headcanons #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #neurodivergent headcanon #adventure time #princess bubblegum #amphibia #marcy wu #she ra #entrapta #steven universe #pearl su #poison ivy #harley quinn animated series

[theje0ngs]

JJH | Forget Me Not

“Have you completely forgotten about me?”

PAIRING/CHARACTERS • bodyguard!jaehyun x rich-girl!reader ft. brother!doyoung, brother!gongmyung, kun & johnny appears

GENRE • angst, romance(?), smut, forbidden love!au, secret love!au

WORD COUNT • 15.7k

WARNINGS • 18+ themes, profanities, brief description of the accident, scenes in the hospital, inaccurate representation of hospital procedures (cuz im no med student bro), issues relating to family, betrayal, mentions murder/assassination, protected sex, fingering, handjob/blowjob, slow sex

GELA SAYS • the LONGEST fic i’ve ever written oh my god ?? my original wc goal is probably 5k but i ended up with THAT number lmao ,, btw ! timestamps are important in this story so this is a heads up because you might get confused hehe and this would probably the last fic i’ll be posting for now, as i’m taking a break from writing again. sorry if this took so long lol this isn’t proofread so i apologize for the mistakes and the rushed ending, i badly wanted to end it right away lol

TAGLIST  • @aizzon @queenrachelpink @straykidsftnct @nctevia @dreamycomets @ahgastayzen @rbf-aceu @lookingforangst @yoonohing​

HAPPY READING!

“You ready?” Your father asked, receiving a nod from you and a long sigh as you readied yourself to face a large crowd. “Go get ‘em.”

You gave your father a smile, carefully taking steps on the stairs as the emcee introduced you to the crowd. After years of hard work and training for your father, you have finally secured yourself a spot in one of his many companies. Tonight is one of the most important nights of your life as they introduce you as the new CEO of a media company under Haneul Group of Companies. The one that started inside your father’s old room in a university somewhere in Korea has been vastly growing as the years pass by. Your father, Kim Hyong Chul, stood proud as he watched his only daughter walk up the stage and take the podium.

“A pleasant evening to each and every one in this event. I am very thrilled to be here tonight and excited about the things I will be working on in the following years. Tonight, I introduce myself as the new and the youngest CEO of Haneul’s media company to date.” You started; the crowd gave you a round of applause before letting you proceed. “I returned to the country approximately three years ago. A 23-year-old woman who, at the time, opposed the idea of working under her father’s company. I wanted to be different, I wanted people to think of me as someone who started from the bottom, slowly but surely making her way to the top. Which I did succeed in doing, all thanks to my father for agreeing to my idea. Now I stand in front of you, as a 27-year-old woman, no longer a trainee, an employee, but a CEO.”

As you deliver your speech, outside of the venue, stood your boyfriend. He could only hear your muffled voice from the other side of the door. Your voice alone puts a smile on his face, and it was a good thing that he was standing far enough from his colleagues, if not, he would be too obvious. He had a glimpse of you when someone exited the event hall. You looked so gorgeous and stunning wearing that expensive dress that costs a month of his salary. Gorgeous as ever. He thought.

Despite being satisfied with his current relationship with you, there were days that Jaehyun wished he could take you out on a nice date. Hold your hand in public, kiss you whenever he wants to or do typical sweet things that most couples do. But he can’t. He can, but it would be too risky and would cause a huge scandal.

Because he was your bodyguard, and you were his boss.

As the banquet came to an end, your parents were the first ones to exit while you and your brothers stayed for an interview with the business magazines and newspapers. As the press crowded the three of you and flooded you with questions, Jaehyun’s crew tried their best to stop them from causing a stampede, creating a human barrier. When your eyes met his, you smiled at him slightly. This was the closest he got from you tonight, and he fell in love once again.

“Miss Y/N, in your last interview with us three years ago, you’ve mentioned that you have no time for love because you were too occupied with training. Perhaps your perspective has changed now that you are the CEO; do you have any plans of getting into a relationship?” asked one of the presses, causing you to chuckle.

“You guys really love to gossip about my personal life, especially my love life.” You said, tucking your hair and quickly gazed at Jaehyun. “The answer is still the same. Now that I am the CEO, I have to work much harder, and I don’t think I would ever have the time for love.”

Ouch. That actually hurt, but there was nothing that Jaehyun could do. Even though you’ve been hiding your relationship for years now, and he knew your answers are lies to protect the two of you, he couldn’t help but feel a light pang on his chest every time someone asks you about your relationship status.

Once the interview with the press is over, you and your brothers were escorted back to the secured parking space. Doyoung was on his way to the airport for a personal business in Germany, while Gongmyung was on his way back home. You bid farewell to your brothers, planting kisses on their cheeks and entered the car with your bodyguard, aka – your boyfriend.

After a long day of standing in high heels and a long gown, finally, you got to sit next to Jaehyun in your car. The moment you got inside the car; you planted a kiss on his lips before hopping onto the front seat.

“Missed you.” You murmured.

You could feel him smile during the kiss and plant once more, “I’m sorry I couldn’t hear or see you deliver your speech. I’m sure you did great, like you always do.”

Jaehyun started the engine of the car, following your brother’s vehicle before separating on the main road. There was something about driving along the city that was lit up with bright lights and holding Jaehyun’s hand that calms you down instantly. The quiet road and the soft music coming out of the car’s speaker– everything felt right at this moment. You never wanted it to end.

“You do realize that once we reach the village, you’ll have to hop back to the backseat again, right?” He chuckles, taking your hand as he stops at a red light. “We’re a few minutes away from the village, just let me savor this moment.”

“I know… it just sucks that we have to do this every time. I just wish we could do normal things like a couple; I just wish I could go home without having to hop in front and to the back.”

“Don’t worry, any day now. I’ll face your father and come clean about our relationship. Like we always planned.” He said, “Besides, my days as your driver/bodyguard are about to end as your new driver will be arriving any day now and I’m about to pass my resignation letter.”

“That sucks, but I’m looking forward to what our next chapter’s going to be. By the way, if I’m getting a new driver any day now, how am I supposed to receive my kisses?”

“Like we always did before, sneaking.”

You laughed at his response, adjusting your seat as you focused on your boyfriend driving. How did I get so lucky to have you, Jeong Jaehyun? You thought. This man has been with you for three years, three long years. What started off like Tom and Jerry, always arguing, ending with you two being in love. This man has been with you through your ups and downs despite not being able to express your love for each other loudly and freely. This man is the person you want to spend your whole life with, and soon, once you’re both ready to face your parents, you will find a way to tell them and ask for their blessing.

“I love you so much,” Jaehyun said, stopping at a red light once again as he squeezed your hand to reassure you. He knows what’s going on inside your head, by the looks of it, he knew you were thinking about your relationship. “I hope you’ll always remember that.”

“I won’t ever forget how much you love me, and I couldn’t be more thankful for that.” You replied, “I love you too, Jeong Jaehyun.”

He lifts your hands together and plants a kiss on the back before he steps on the accelerator. No matter how calm downtown is at midnight, you didn’t expect what happened next. Jaehyun’s eyes widened when he saw a car emerging from his left side, probably going over a hundred with beaming lights. Quickly, he stepped on the brakes. Jaehyun’s hand did not let go of yours, and because it was all happening so fast, he could only close his eyes and prepare himself for the worst. The next thing you know, you were feeling your skin rip from the broken windows and another pain from the exploded airbags that hit your body.

“J-Jae,” You weakly called, trying to move your hand in his. “Babe, are you okay?”

“I love you, Y/N…” You heard him say. You tried moving the deflating airbags away from you but failed as you feel an intense pain take over your body.

FOUR YEARS AGO.

They say that you fall in love with three people in your lifetime.

You could still remember the boy you fell in love with when you were young. Your younger self sees him as someone you know you will spend your whole life with. You met your puppy love when you were ten and his name was Qian Kun – your brother’s classmate, friend, and a son of your father’s business partner. He was a year older than you and always made sure to protect you like your brothers. By the time you were fifteen, you confessed your attraction towards him. You confessed that you appreciate the things he did for you, they were the bare minimum, but hell, you appreciate it more than anyone else in the world. At first it was a secret that you tried so hard to hide, but the banquets that his and your family held every other month was Doyoung and Gongmyung’s clue to their quest of investigating your relationship with Kun. Although it was weird for your brother that you were dating his closest friend, Doyoung made sure that you were safe with Kun and that his intentions were pure and genuine and no plans of hurting you.

Dating Kun when you were young felt like you were a Disney princess, and he was your prince charming. He would treat you oh so dearly. Fights and arguments rarely occurred in the span of your relationship. During the banquets and gatherings you’ve attended, most of the people who knew your relationship were certain that the two of you will eventually get married someday.

But soon enough, you realized, life is no fairytale like how they described it in movies.

“Hey, any news about the college applications?” You asked, taking a seat on the sofa next to his study table as you munch on a bowl of popcorn.

“Actually, I have something to tell you…”

“Okay…? You’re making me nervous, what is it?”

You remembered Kun holding your hand that night as he explained why he had to move out of the country for a few years and come back once he’s settled in his father’s business. You remembered staring in his eyes, hoping to find an answer to stop him from leaving you. You remembered suggesting that the two of you should try long distance, but his response was: “You deserve better, more than seeing me on screen.”

By the time Kun left for China, you knew it was the end of your relationship. Kun was your first love, your first heartbreak, your first in everything. And even though you are broken up now, no one can break the bond you’ve established when you were young. Kun was still there for you, just like how you were still there for him. The two of you still have each other’s backs, not as someone who has romantic feelings, but as someone who once loved each other and wants what’s best for each other.

You never dated anyone after Kun, you prioritized the important things in life such as university. That leads you to the second person you fell in love with, the person who completely turned your world upside down. His existence in your life was unexpected, someone, including him, could not believe that he exists in your life. Your relationship brought the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. And you met him when you were twenty-three.

At a young age, you returned home in the spring. Flowers were blooming and everything was bright and lovely. A lot has happened since another year was added to your life. Completed a degree with Media Arts, traveled the world alone, met new friends and now you’re returning home after your quick break to celebrate your graduation and the new beginnings. You knew what will greet you once you get home, after all, you were the one who planned and pitched the idea to your father. At the age of 23, you knew that returning back to your family would bring you such a huge change in life.

As your plane arrived from Italy, and you had exited the arrivals area, you saw your brothers holding a signboard with your name on it. It’s been a while since they last saw you when they visited you in Europe to attend your graduation. The two were bickering as the other tells to hold the signage higher, while the other insists that it is already visible from afar. The moment you met them, Gongmyung and Doyoung welcomed you back with open arms. Surrounded by four bodyguards, three of which you were familiar with, you exited the premises of the airport and headed off to the hotel where your relatives are waiting for your arrival. The three bodyguards you knew since you were in high school, but the other one was new, it seems.

His name was Jeong Jaehyun as introduced by the chief, your new personal bodyguard.

When you were young, you did not understand the concept of needing one when you are doing fine alone. Until you learned that coming from a very influential family, your grandfather connected with politics and your father building his own business empire, you had learned that not everyone around you has pure intentions. And as your own grandmother would say: “Trust no one – be it your friends, your lover, your security, maybe even family” after your grandfather was assassinated while playing golf with other politicians.

You found Jaehyun annoying in his first week working for you. Every step, every move, he was there to watch. Dedicated to his work of guarding you as if you were Mona Lisa and someone’s attempting to abduct you. It felt like someone was babysitting you. Sometimes you’d wish you didn’t come from a family like this at all, you were exposed to the dirty politics and business world. There was a random day in your life that you confessed this matter to your grandmother but ended up receiving a long lecture of how ungrateful you sounded.

“Jaemin, would it be okay to stop by a friend’s house for a few minutes before heading off to the headquarters?”

“Uh, I suppose that it is okay–”

“I’m afraid not, ma’am.” Jaehyun cut off the driver next to him, “Your father is expecting your arrival by 13:00.”

You rolled your eyes and sighed, “Don’t you think I’m not aware of my own schedule? I will be quick; I just have to drop these off at her house.”

“No ma’am.”

“Jaemin, don’t listen to him. Head to Seongbuk-dong, please.”

“That’s out of our way, ma’am.” Jaehyun, once again interrupts.

What felt like the nth time today, you rolled your eyes. “It’ll be quick. I don’t even have to enter her house because I’m only giving her this stupid box– now, Jaemin, listen to me and don’t listen to this jerk.”

Jaemin had no choice but to nod his head and turn right on the next street. After years of staying abroad with pure freedom and without a bodyguard nor a driver, you have forgotten what it’s like to have one again. Though you didn’t have any problems nor encountered one with your previous bodyguard, Jaehyun was different from them and makes you want to rip your hair off out of frustration every time you bicker. You grab your phone out of your bag and informed your brothers that you will be running late for a few minutes to the meeting. You knew your father too well; he wouldn’t get mad if you came in late. Or if he does, it wouldn’t be too long – he cannot stay mad at his unica hija for so long.

By the time you have arrived in front of your friend, Eunha’s house, Jaehyun opened the door for you. Reminding you to be quick as you were in a rush and only have a few minutes before the meeting with your father starts. Your childhood best friend was glad to have you back home after you apologized for taking a few weeks to visit her. As you and Eunha exchange stories, Jaehyun was tapping his feet and kept on checking his wristwatch. Eunha noticed the behavior of your bodyguard and shook her head.

“Your bodyguard has a bit of an attitude, Y/N.” She said, causing you to sigh heavily.

“Yeah, it’s only been a few weeks since he started working for me and he’s getting on my nerves already.” You replied, “I have to go now, Eunha. Father’s waiting for me, let’s catch up again soon with the others.”

You bid her goodbye and walked back to the car with your arms crossed, Jaehyun already had the door open and was waiting for you to hop on, but you refused. “Have you ever had someone tell you that you’re a bit rude?”

“Ma’am, please enter the car.”

“I won’t until you answer me.”

“Yes, I have been told that I am rude several times. Please enter the car, the chief is already looking for us.”

By the time you have arrived at the headquarters, you were just in time. Your father wasn’t even inside the conference room yet. You sat next to your eldest brother, sighing as you scroll through your phone.

“Why the long face?” Gongmyung asked, pushing a glass of juice in front of you. “Something happened?”

“I hate my bodyguard.” You groaned, “He’s rude and somewhat obnoxious. I want to change bodyguards.”

“Y/N, he’s not rude. He acts like that because he used to be part of the president’s security service, he was my bodyguard before you came home. Trust me, he’s a really nice guy to talk to. He just seems rude, but that’s just him doing his job.” Your brother explains nicely, no matter how angry you are, Gongmyung was always there to calm you down in situations like this. “Give it a few more weeks, then if it’s like that ‘till then, I’ll tell father and we’ll switch bodyguards.”

“Fine.”

As the months passed by and your workload for your father’s company arose, the more you found yourself getting annoyed and often short-tempered when it comes to Jaehyun and his attitude. It was petty actually, sometimes you even think that it’s childish that you were acting like that. All because of the stress you’re receiving at work. You and Jaehyun were like Tom and Jerry – always fighting and bickering at each other. You even think that maybe your driver, Jaemin, is annoyed by the fact that the two of you are always on each other’s nerves every morning and every night. Gongmyung’s promise of how he was willing to exchange bodyguards with you was not kept after your father rejected the proposed idea.

By this time, the green leaves of trees have turned to hues of red and orange, with a little mixture of yellow. Your favorite season has come – Autumn. There was something about autumn that you’ve loved since you were a kid. The unique color of leaves, the mellow feeling every time you step outside, something about autumn brings nostalgic memories from the past.

Along with the changes of leaves, comes the changes you’re experiencing at work. You love your father, you really do, but ever since you were a child, he was always pressuring you into something you don’t want or want to take slowly. Like the time you were having a hard time memorizing the multiplication table; you were up all night with him as he tried to help you memorize it in one sitting. You didn’t know the reason why he always did that, you never found out even if you ask your mom or his mom. You assumed that it is because he was also pressured by his own father as well – a classic story in the Kim family.

Your grandfather was a known politician, known for his service and excellence in the government. Your father was supposed to follow the footsteps of his father: study hard, be a politician and serve the people of the country. Except he didn’t. Because he thought it wasn’t what he wanted, he knew he wouldn’t be happy with that field of career, knowing how dirty and dangerous politics can be.

But now that you’re feeling tired and pressured with work, you want to rest. Even just for a while, even just for a day. Just a day where you could spend it in peace without having to hear your father complain about how poorly or how messy your reports were or hear him say ‘you’re training to become a CEO and not a regular employee. Get your shit together.’

Autumn can be gloomy, just like how you woke up today. It was 6 o’ clock and you had no work schedules today. It was unusual for you to wake up this early on a day off because usually you sleep in the night after a long day, trying to regain all the energy you’ve lost after working for five straight days. As gloomy as it can be, you stood up from your bed and thought of coming to the place you’ve loved the most. The place where the four seasons of Korea can be seen beautifully.

“You’re up early.” Your mom says, peeking her head on the door as you brush your hair. “I heard the music, isn’t it your day-off?”

“Yes, but I’m heading out.” You replied.

“Where are you off to? Maybe I can come and spend the day with you.”

“Maybe next time mom, I’d really like to be alone for a while. I just want to gather my thoughts and have a little ‘me’ time.”

Your mother nods her head, understanding and realizing how much you’ve grown. From the clingy 5-year-old girl who’s always calling her mother to the 23-year-old woman in need for an alone time. Once she exited your bedroom, you called Jaehyun and informed him that you were heading out today. No day-offs for bodyguards indeed.

“I will be driving today, Miss Y/N. Jaemin is on leave.” Jaehyun informed you, opening the door and waited for you to hop in before he did. “Where are you headed to?”

“Gapyeong.”

“Do you have any business in Gapyeong, ma’am?”

“I just- just please drive me there. No questions asked.”

After an hour or so of travel, you found yourself in the dock of Nami Island, waiting for the first ferry to arrive. Since you left Seoul early, the place was not that crowded yet. You could feel butterflies inside your stomach because it brings back so many memories of your youth. And because Jaehyun needed to be close to you all the time, you had no choice but to let him take a stroll with you on the island. He was puzzled as to why you were here, he assumed that you were meeting someone for business but now that he’s watching you just walk around and breathe in the autumn air, it made him think that you were here to calm yourself.

He may not know the feeling of how hard it is to live in a family like yours, but he could see how tiring it could be. And even though you’ve been labeled like Tom and Jerry, though his existence alone annoys the spirit in you, Jaehyun knows how hardworking you are. He admired the extreme effort you exert on your job.

Jaehyun was walking a few steps behind you. There were only a few people in the island as it was a weekday and it wasn’t peak hours yet, you and he were one of the few people walking on the Gingko Tree Lane. The scenic path filled with bright yellow leaves never fails to make you smile. You turned around and gestured to Jaehyun to come closer to you.

“Would you do me a favor?” You asked, and he nodded. “I know we’re always bickering, but let’s forget all of that today. Let’s drop formalities for a day. Today.”

“Ma’am, I-”

“Let’s pretend we’re friends or whatever. I just… I just really want to feel like a normal person again, like what I was when I was studying abroad. Someone who doesn’t have someone who follows her around or drives her around, watching her every move.”

It was a simple request, but it was something he wasn’t expecting. So simple yet so sad. Nevertheless, he had no choice. He nodded his head, removing the earpiece and turned it off, causing it to disconnect to the main service connection. Though it is kind of awkward walking around the island wearing a tuxedo, he brushed it off. After two years of working in a security group, this is the first time that he was asked by his boss to act like they’re friends. It was so unusual.

“Now that we’re ‘friends’, why don’t we get to know each other?”

Why is she acting like this? He thought, averting his attention to the yellow leaves instead and started walking with you.

“There’s nothing interesting in my life, ma’am- uh… Y/N.”

“I heard you were part of the presidential security service before you started working for us. That’s interesting enough, what’s that like?”

Jaehyun sighs, remembering the main reason of how he got into this line of work. “My father is a retired special forces colonel. After his retirement when I was 20, he became part of the presidential security service after he was recruited by an old colleague- which I also became part of a year ago, after I graduated. It’s a much harder job than this one because we had to keep an eye on everyone in the Blue House, the president, his family– everyone.”

As the two of you walk along the lane filled with yellow leaves, your conversation deepens. Who would’ve thought that the person you were always bickering to would be the person you’re opening up your problems to? From childhood to the days of your high school life, you and Jaehyun continued to talk. At some point, you were eating dosirak with him and laughing at old memories and sharing inside jokes to each other.

“Question, do you really come here whenever you have a hard time?” Jaehyun asked, shoving a spoonful of kimchi fried rice to his mouth.

“Mhm, because this is where my first love brought me.”

“You have a first love?!”

“Of course, dummy! He’s Doyoung’s friend actually and we dated for three years.” You chuckled, “Ah, damn it… he’s actually getting married in a few months and coming here just brought a lot of memories.”

“But you’re over him, right?”

“Of course, I am! It’s been years, we’re both moved on and we’re really good friends now.” You replied, “What about you? What’s your love life like?”

Jaehyun’s mouth forms an ‘o’ and immediately shakes his head, “I don’t have a girlfriend, but I did have one before that only lasted for a year. I never dated again after that.”

“Really? Why?”

You really wouldn’t deny it, Jaehyun is indeed handsome and with that kind of face, he could get any girls he wanted. You were just surprised to find out that he hasn’t dated anyone since his first and last breakup.

“Just… just life and its stuff. I just don’t think I’m built for relationships. I never even had my first kiss yet!”

“You– WHAT?! Are you serious?” Jaehyun nodded his head, “That’s impossible! A handsome guy like you does not have their first kiss yet?”

He was taken aback by your words and his ears have turned right red. You giggled, “That’s actually cute, Jaehyun.”

“Is it? I actually find it a bit weird that I haven’t had one at this age.” He confessed, scratching his neck, “What about you? Ever had your first kiss?”

“Well, yeah. Kun and I were together for three years and we were each other’s first kiss.”

“That’s nice…”

“You grew up in a military family, correct?” You asked, he nodded. “And you know the military secrecy.”

After eating brunch, the two of you continued to walk around the small island again. Going through the famous spots and talking about your personal lives. It was your little talk with Jaehyun that you found out that it was only him and his older sister, who conquered the world together after their mother died, and his father abandoned his responsibilities as a father. That results in the two siblings working hard for everything that they needed. Your heart sank at the thought that Jaehyun had to work hard to get what he needed and wanted, the thought that he and his sister sacrificed everything to make a living. His sister was 23 and got a job as a barista, while Jaehyun enlisted as a military man the moment he turned 20. He was earning so little, yet it helped him and his sister to survive.

“What you see, what you hear, when you leave, leave it here.” He answered confidently, dimples popping out as he smiled.

“What happens in Nami Island, stays in Nami Island.” You said before tiptoeing and pressed your lips on his. It was only 5-seconds, but it felt too long for Jaehyun. “Let’s go, I’m meeting my friends for coffee. I’ll just go to the restroom first.”

What you see, what you hear, when you leave… leave it here. How will he leave what happened here when you just stole his first kiss?

“Oh god, what did I do…” You tell yourself the moment you shut the restroom door. “Why did I do that?”

PRESENT DAY.

It’s been a dreadful week since the accident. Jaehyun was still recovering from it and unfortunately, still in coma. You weren’t the religious type of person, but every night you’d pray to a deity– for his speedy recovery. As of now, you were back at your house. You had a few stitches on your forehead and a broken arm, you even went back to work for a few days after you got discharged despite your father saying that he was willing to let you rest for at least a month. And today, after work, you had informed your driver to head straight to the hospital and not home.

There was no one to update you about Jaehyun’s current situation. As far as you know, he was staying in a private room after spending a few days in the ICU. His parents would visit him whenever they can, but due to personal reasons, are not able to stay through the night as they both work. Heading to the hospital was not part of your plan this evening, yet something was telling you that you must. Your intuition was pushing you to visit your boyfriend.

And your intuition was right. Because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t know who’s responsible for all of this mess and accident.

The moment you arrived, you were shocked to see that the door of your boyfriend’s room was open, and a few bodyguards were outside by the waiting area a few meters away. It wasn’t a huge room, a bed and a bathroom fit in the small space so you could hear and see what’s going on inside. You were about to enter but you stopped your tracks when you heard a familiar voice.

“The doctor said he hasn’t awakened yet, no records of him waking up this week. But he seems okay, and his vital signs are normal.” Your mother says, “Hyeongcheol, this is bad. What if the media finds out about this? Worst case, what if your daughter finds out you’re responsible for their accident?”

“She wouldn’t find out because we’ll make it seem like it really was an accident.” Your father answered, “Y/N wouldn’t find out. I’m good at hiding secrets like her– she hid her relationship with her bodyguard? I’ll hide every single information about this from her.”

“You’ve gone too far, Hyeongcheol. I cannot believe I’m married to a person like you. Jaehyun is a person, even if he’s just a bodyguard who, take note of this, your daughter loves so much. Why does it bother you so much to the point where you almost got the two of them killed?”

“Nayeon, I’ve worked so hard to be the best. To be the richest person in this country. To give you the life the four of you deserve. I’m not letting one scandal about my daughter dating a bodyguard ruin that, we both know that this man is not capable of being in a relationship with Y/N. She deserves better.”

“And Y/N deserves a better father, a supportive, selfless and loving father.” She sternly said, “All this because you’re concerned about your image, our family’s image. And you know what? If someone finds out about all of this, that is a much bigger problem that people will talk about– not because our daughter is dating her own bodyguard, but because of this inhumane act you did. If ever the press finds out about this whole Y/N and Jaehyun scandal you formed in your head, it will die down in a few days, weeks possibly. But this whole accident? It won’t, it will stick with you and your name forever.”

Your heart broke. You didn’t know what to do or where to go. You were frozen on the spot. As much as you try not to believe it, the person behind the accident was your father. He planned it all along, all of this while me and Jaehyun were planning to tell him. You thought, holding the straps of your bag tightly. You could hear your mother’s heels click as she walked through the door, how will you face them after finding out the truth?

Your mother puts her hand on her chest and emits a loud gasp the moment the door spits her out, seeing you standing by the door with an unexplainable look on your face. A mixture of anger, disappointment, fear, and broken heart. All those four combined as one.

“How long have been standing there?”

“Long enough to hear father confess the crime he committed.”

She had pulled you inside the room, closing the door behind her. It is this moment that you realized your grandmother was right– she was right all along. Trust no one – be it your friends, your lover, or even your security, maybe even family. That continued to chant inside your head, trust no one. Trust no one but thyself. Because even the closest ones you have, like your own father, will betray you.

“Here’s your worst-case scenario, Hyeongcheol.”

“Y/N…”

“You did it dad?” You ask, trying to keep your composure even though you could feel your blood boil and tears threaten to fall. “You– you did something to that car that led me and Jaehyun to this accident?”

“I didn’t do it for yo–”

“Did you do it dad, yes or no?”

Your voice was filled with anger. It was the first time your mom has ever seen you so angry, it felt like you were a different person and not her precious girl who loved her parents dearly. But who would love their parents after finding out the truth? When she noticed your fists balled up, she tried to pull you away, trying her best to calm you down by saying words such as he didn’t do it or don’t hurt your father and many more words that you deafened to listen to. It wasn’t much of a help to you, it made your anger even worse, like throwing a gallon of gasoline to a wildfire. Rage filled your eyes, and you were ready to fight your own father.

“Answer me!” You yelled, “A simple yes or no, dad! Did you do it or not?! Because I hope the fuck not, I hope I was only hearing things!”

“…I did it out of love, I did it for you– for our family.”

Out of love.

For our family.

Out of love.

For our family.

Fuck. Fuck this family. Fuck this system. Fuck the selfish, narcissistic, rich people like your father. Your knees felt jelly as that stupid, fucked up sentence continues to ring inside your head. You were all out of words, like every single word does not exist anymore. You wanted to run away, but you can’t. You didn’t want to leave Jaehyun here, you didn’t want to go home.

Over the past few weeks since the accident occurred, you’ve been blaming yourself. You were thinking that maybe you were the reason why the two of you got into it. Maybe you were a distraction while he was driving. You’ve been blaming yourself thinking you were responsible for everything that happened, but that person was your own father.

“Leave.” You say, “Leave dad, mom. I can’t be in the same room as the two of you.”

-

Doyoung: I heard about what happened.

Doyoung: Are you coming home?

Doyoung: Gongmyung and I are worried sick. Where are you?

Gongmyung: Y/N, please return our calls.

Gongmyung: You weren’t at the hospital nor your office.

Gongmyung: Even your bodyguard doesn’t know where you are. Your location is not shared, and we cannot track you at all.

You locked your phone, turned on the do not disturb mode and shoved it back to your bag after seeing the notifications you’ve received from your brothers. A day has passed since you found out about the accident, you didn’t come home– no, you couldn’t come home knowing what your father has done. You couldn’t stay at the hospital for so long either, feeling really guilty about what happened and seeing Jaehyun weak and in pain hurts you.

After resting (more like crying your eyes out) inside the motel you checked in, you found yourself walking along the same path you and Jaehyun took years ago, where you first got to know him better. Exactly like four years ago, autumn is gloomy. Autumn is painful. You sat on a wooden chair facing the water that surrounded the whole island, letting the view cloud your mind with thoughts.

What if you weren’t from an influential family, would you be able to date whoever you wanted without being judged by most of the people who knew you?

What if you and Jaehyun live life like a normal person, what would be the thing that you would love doing together as a couple?

What if you left the venue earlier and did not receive any interviews?

What if…

What if Jaehyun never wakes up?

You felt a tear escape from your eye, and you let out a scoff. Your dreams are really simple, aren’t they? You dream of living a simple life, as a simple person, from a simple family.

“I knew we’d find you here.”

You turn around and see your two brothers, Gongmyung was holding a coat which he immediately placed on your shoulder and Doyoung was holding a duffel bag, which you assumed had clothes inside. The two sat next to you, sandwiching you between them. And that made it worse– your tears wouldn’t stop from falling.

“We know you wanted space, but we want you to know that we’re here for you.” Doyoung said, taking your hand in his. “What father did was unforgivable. We understand where your anger is coming from, Y/N.”

“We won’t force you to come back home with us, don’t worry. We’re just here to comfort you.” Gongmyung added, “Take all the time you need to heal. Cry it all out.”

And you did. You cried to the two of them until there were no more tears left to cry.

WINTER, FOUR YEARS AGO, TWO MONTHS AFTER THE TRIP TO NAMI ISLAND.

It was the weekend, the first time in months that the three of you were home. You emerged from your bedroom to the formal dining room where your brothers were peacefully having breakfast.

“Has anyone seen Jaehyun?”

Your question almost choked Doyoung from drinking his hot coffee. You cocked an eyebrow, what was wrong with your question? You were just looking for your bodyguard because you’ve noticed that he’s been gone for a while and that your driver, Jaemin, has been double working. As your driver and your bodyguard.

“Why?” Doyoung asked, putting down his cup of joe. “You never take interest in your bodyguard.”

“Well, he’s been gone for a week, maybe even two weeks now. Just wanted to make sure he’s not dead or something.”

The eldest flips his newspaper, “Jaehyun’s out of town with his family.” Answered Gongmyung, receiving confused reactions from the two of you. “Don’t give me those looks, I’m closer to him than you two are because he was once my bodyguard.”

Satisfied, you sat next to Doyoung and poured yourself a cup of coffee. “Well, that’s great, I’m attending a friend’s birthday party tonight and it’s great that he isn’t here to prevent me from getting drunk with my friends.”

“Your dreams are so simple, Y/N.” Doyoung teased, and you rolled your eyes in return.

“I know, right?”

That night, while getting ready, you made sure to tell Jaemin not to wait for you. You told him to just drop you off at the club and will contact him again or any of the drivers if you need assistance to go home. After that you prepared yourself, you wore your favorite mini-dress from Balmain, paired with platform pumps from Versace in the same color. Your outfit reveals a lot of skin, which you knew your brothers would either make you change your clothes or convince you to bring something that would help you cover up just in case.

When you arrived at the club, the guards outside immediately recognized you. They opened the doors of the establishment, causing a few groans and possibly profanities from the people in line. What could you do anyway? This was owned by one of your friends from high school (the one that Doyoung has warned you about), and you were considered a VIP. It was really loud– considering that you were walking down the stairs, a bit far from the main club, the blasting music and colorful lights flashing, mixed with the loud cheers of young people partying and having the best time of their lives. You missed this: partying. Your parents may sleep through the night knowing that their daughter was inside her apartment, either studying or sleeping abroad, but every weekend, you and your college friends party as if the world was ending the following day. You loved partying and dancing; you can’t even count the number of boys you’ve made out with before.

When you spot your group of friends, they cheered loudly and poured you a shot of vodka right away. Starting a bit strong tonight, you thought, taking another before hissing due to the taste of the alcohol.

One drink led to another, and it was obvious that you were fueled up by the alcohol. You noticed some of your friends were doing body shots, some were passed out on the couch while you found yourself on the dance floor. Swaying your hips and arms raised as you danced to the rhythm. You knew you had enough alcohol when you started making out with a random guy on the side of the dance floor. His lips were soft, but not as soft as that person’s lips you kissed out of nowhere in your favorite place. His lips tasted like alcohol and cigarettes combined, not like the cherry flavored lips of Jaehyun.

Why couldn’t you stop thinking about Jaehyun lately? Why was he coming to your dreams and thoughts? Why is he in your mind when, right now, you’re making out with a total stranger? It’s no longer the alcohol in your system that’s thinking about him, maybe it was your mind– possibly your heart. This is dumb, you thought. You hated Jaehyun, right? But why are you feeling confused about how you feel towards him?

You pull away from the person you were making out with, he was hesitant to let you go at first, keeping his hands on your waist to keep you close to him. You tried pushing his hands off, badly needing to go to the restroom.

“Come on, don’t go now! We’re having fun!” He said, trying to keep you closer to him.

Blech. This was when he finally let you go. When he felt your vomit come contact with his skin and on his white button-up shirt. “You– ah fuck, can’t say anything bad about you because you’re a Kim.” The boy said, stepping back and tried to remove himself from the scene. You could only give him a smug smile and wipe your lips.

You remember walking back to the booth and tried calling someone but ended up blacking out before they could even answer.

“Jesus Christ, Y/N…” Your father sighs, shaking his head in disbelief when he saw you lying on the couch in the living room at 6:00 in the morning. “Please cook some hot soup and prepare some ibuprofen, as well as a hot bath for her.”

The maids nod their heads before heading off to the kitchen and to your bathroom. Your mother who just woke up, was confused as to why the servants were in a rush so early in the morning, walks to the living room only to find her youngest blacked out and the three men of the family are still in their pajamas, standing across the couch and staring at your sleeping figure. You were covered with a jacket and your head was hanging off the couch, your heels and personal belongings were tossed somewhere in the room.

“Who brought her home?” She asked, sitting down on the couch and gently swooped your head before placing it down on her lap. She started running her fingers on your hair, tangled as you tossed and turned on this uncomfortable sofa earlier.

“Jaehyun did.” Answered the eldest, “I’m curious, are we going to ground her for coming home drunk and passed out?”

“She’s an adult, we can’t ground her.” Argued the middle child. “Right, dad?”

“I don’t know, this is the first time I’ve seen her so drunk. Was she like this when she was still in university?”

“You can’t ground her, Hyeongcheol. She’s an adult who’s living her life, let’s just tell her to drink responsibly next time so she won’t end up going home passed out again.” Your mother says, ending the three men’s discussion. Just in time, the maid informs them that the hot bath is ready.

Your parents have tried almost everything to wake you up, but only one was effective. Doyoung pointed his phone’s speaker to your ear and played an audio compilation of sirens on YouTube with the volume set to the highest, causing you to jolt up and with a throbbing headache. You would’ve gone feral if it weren’t for your hangover. You sure missed partying, but not the hangover the following day.

“How did I get here?” You asked, sitting up straight but your head felt heavy. “Oh heavens, I’m never drinking again.”

“Jaehyun brought you home.”

“I thought he was out with his family– fucking hell, Doyoung, can you turn that shit off?!”

“Y/N, language!”

You apologized to your mother, pointing out that Doyoung’s siren noises were making your hangover worse than it already was. How did Jaehyun get into the club? You were sure you were just thinking about him before you vomited on that dude you were making out with last night. What is he, some sort of a knight and shining armor? You thought, bringing your hands to your head as you felt another pain.

“I’m sorry, mom and dad.”

“It’s alright,” Your dad said, “Go ahead and freshen up. I’m letting you take this day off for you to rest. Take a bath and join us for breakfast, you’re reeking alcohol.”

If your dad made you go to work today, a hundred percent, you wouldn’t be able to focus and end up sleeping in your cubicle for the rest of the day. Speaking of work, has Jaehyun returned from his leave? That was something that has been in your mind as you bathe in the hot water. That thought stayed inside your mind until you fell asleep during the day.

A brand-new day, after spending yesterday in bed with a really bad hangover, you were ready to go back to work again. There were tons of scheduled meetings with your father today, some with the investors, some with the same old people who work for the company– there were too many to mention. You left the house at exactly 7 a.m., shocked to see Jaehyun back at work with the same stoic face of his whenever he greets you outside of your house.

As you rode the elevator of your father’s building, you could feel the awkward atmosphere inside the lift. It was less awkward when you were in the car as Jaemin was there, but it was more awkward when you realized that the only people riding the lift are the two of you.

“Thanks.” You said, after mustering the courage to break the silence. “I don’t know how you got there and how you brought me home, but thanks for bring me back safely.”

“It’s my job, you don’t have to thank me for it.”

Jaehyun was standing in front of you, his back was facing you so you couldn’t see his reaction, but you were certain that he had kept his straight face.

“So… how did–”

“You called me and confessed something through voice message.” He said bluntly.

I did what? Your eyebrows furrowed as you thought of what happened that night. You were sure you remember making out and vomiting on someone, but definitely not confessing to Jaehyun!

“I did what?”

“It’s hard to say, Ms. Y/N… let’s just pretend it didn’t happen nor did I say that.” He sighs, waiting for the elevator doors to open and exited, waiting for you to exit as well.

You were about to say something, but a woman dressed in a corporate attire greets you the moment you step out of the elevator. “Good morning, Ms. Y/N! I am Gyeoul, your new assistant and your father asked me to show you to your new office. It’s located at the west wing of the building, three floors below your father’s office which is located at the east wing. All of your stuff has been taken from the cubicle you were using and moved here.”

You couldn’t help but try to recall the events of that night as you follow the woman to your new office while Jaehyun walks behind you. My phone. You thought, fishing out the device out of your bag. You realized that you haven’t had a chance to open this up yesterday because of your hangover and you watched Netflix through the TV. You were no longer paying attention to Gyeoul who was informing you things about your office, that’s the last thing you could think of. Goosebumps occur to your body as you open the messages you shared with Jaehyun, seeing a few audio messages and are all marked as read.

“Oh my god,”

“Yes, Ms. Y/N? Is there something wrong with the location of your office or the interior design?”

“N-no! I mean, oh my god! It’s beautiful and the view is so pretty. I love it.” You said, changing the tone in your voice and shoved your phone into your pocket.

She smiles in return, “I’m glad you love it. I will head off now, if you need me, just buzz me and I’ll be here right away.”

When Gyeoul was about to leave, Jaehyun followed her, but you were quick to stop him by holding his wrist and closed the door. “This has to end. We need to talk about us.”

“What about us?”

You dropped your bag on the ottoman, letting go of his wrist and walked to the windows to gather your thoughts. You frustratingly run your fingers through your hair, frustrated that Jaehyun is acting like he does not understand what you’re saying.

“You’re in my mind lately and I don’t know why! It’s… it’s making me crazy! You’re making me crazy!” You confessed, “It was just a kiss! A simple, quick kiss but why is the aftermath like this? Why do I think of you all the damn time, even last night, when I was kissing some dude?”

“Miss Y/N–”

“Why am I starting to fall for you, Jeong Jaehyun?!”

PRESENT DAY.

After crying for so long on Nami Island, your brothers have convinced you to eat with them at a local barbecue place. And even though you have vowed never to drink again, you and Gongmyung were drinking one on one (not Doyoung though, he’s driving back home).

“I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you,”

“Why are you saying sorry to us? You did nothing wrong.” Gongmyung said, flipping the meat on the grill as he watched you wipe another tear. “Stop crying now, Y/N. We’re not angry or disappointed.”

“And frankly, we noticed it already. The looks and smiles you two exchanged before? You make it seem so subtle but somehow my intuition told me that there was something between you and Jaehyun.” Doyoung smiled, handing you his handkerchief. “Wipe those tears. We understand why you hid it. You just wanted to protect Jaehyun and your relationship.”

“Grandma was so right, trust no one. Be it your friends or family.”

The moment they found out about the accident, Doyoung who was bound to Europe took the next flight back to Korea and Gongmyung rushed to the hospital despite him being in his pajamas. You couldn’t help but smile at your brothers, you swore the two of them had annoyed and teased you a lot growing up, but they’re always there to understand and protect you. 

“I don’t know where I’m going now…” You murmured, “I can’t go home, I don’t want to face dad after what happened.”

“You can stay at my condo, I’m not using it anyway since mom says I should still live with you all.” Gongmyung offered, “You can stay there until you’re ready. I can drive you to work and pick you up.”

“You’d do that?”

“Of course, you’re my baby sister!”

“Hey, she’s my baby sister, too!”

“Then I drive her to work and you drop her off at my condo then.”

“Alright, deal!”

After that dinner, you decided to check out of the motel and head back to the city with your brothers. As expected, Doyoung was the only one who’s allowed to drive as you and Gongmyung had a lot to drink. This week is too much for you to absorb, you don’t even have the energy to go to work but what could you do? You couldn’t abandon your job, after all, you’re the CEO now (although you still work under your father’s company). While Gongmyung snores in the front seat, you rest your head on the window. The night is deep and quiet, extra points for the rain as it gives you a really dramatic effect— almost as if you were filming a music video.

Now that you found out the truth, what will happen? Will your father admit the crime, or will he hide it until his conscience speaks out about it? There were many things running inside your head as you stared outside the window.

“Doyoung, can we visit Jaehyun?” You asked quietly, your brother looked at you through the rearview mirror with his brows raised. “I-I know it’s late but I really want to see him right now.”

Doyoung nods his head to your request, reminding you that it’ll be an hour until you arrive at the destination and that you should rest. But you couldn’t rest, you just simply couldn’t close your eyes because every time you do, you recall the last few seconds before the accident occurred. The whole drive to the hospital, you were just quiet. You weren’t holding your phone, you were busy looking out the window and trying to focus on other things and not the one running inside your head. 

“We’ll stay out here, call us when you need anything.” Doyoung said and closed the door of Jaehyun’s room for you. 

It was painful honestly, hearing nothing but his vital monitor beep as it keeps track of his vital signs. He was sleeping peacefully, no records of him waking up today unfortunately. You dropped your bag on the couch, taking a seat next to his bed before holding his hand. Oh the things you want to say to him right now, but it feels like it’s not the right time for that. You stayed like that for a while, and eventually you found yourself crying again. Crying and apologizing. 

The clock strikes 2 in the morning. You didn’t notice that you fell asleep crying and holding his hand. The strain you felt on your neck woke you up, you lifted your head and looked at Jaehyun. He was still asleep, nothing new. But you were deeply asleep. Sighing, you stood up and grabbed your belongings, planted a kiss on his forehead and whispered: “I love you” before leaving him alone inside the cold hospital room again.

I’ll be back, Jae. 

FOUR YEARS AGO, THREE WEEKS AFTER YOUR CONFESSION.

Ah, the season of bliss. The season most of the company employees look forward to the most— the season of all seasons, Christmas. Your father, since he started his own company, made sure to thank all the people around him for their hard work and service to the companies he had. That is why he rents a whole hotel resort somewhere around the globe to celebrate another successful year of working altogether. 

And this year, due to popular demand and due to the current situations of the world, they decided to celebrate the year-end party in Jeju Island. Luckily, one of your father’s great friends, who happens to be Kun’s father, owns the hotel-resort everyone was staying at for three days. That’s three days of different activities with material and cash prizes that got everyone so excited. 

Because everyone was given a chance to explore the wonders of Jeju throughout the day, the final event to wrap up the three-day company outing will be held tonight, the Christmas Party. The hotel resort you were staying in is owned by the Qians, which is why Kun was present here as well. That being said, you made plans to grab a drink with him as you wanted to relax before going back to your reality tomorrow.

“So, is there a lucky guy in your life now?” He asked, taking a sip of his pinot noir. “Doyoung said you want to focus on your training, what’s that like?”

“I do want to focus on my training, but there’s this guy who… well, it’s a mess right now.”

You don’t even know if Jaehyun has reciprocated your feelings or not. After that confession of yours, the two of you never had the chance to talk about it as well. He just left your office like nothing happened and waited for you until your work was done. It was quite embarrassing for your part, really, you’ve never confessed to anyone after Kun and since then you were just casually dating. For the first time in years, you had the chance to confess to a guy once again but it feels like it was a bad idea. It really wasn’t a mess, you just said that because you knew that it would stop Kun from interrogating you.

Or so you thought.

“Why is it a mess? Sending you mixed signals?”

You shook your head, he’s not, in fact I’m the one who’s at fault. “No,” You answered, “Sorry, I won’t go deep into the details. It’ll go away soon, besides I’m not even sure if I’m really into him.”

Hell yeah you’re sure. 

You have successfully maneuvered the topic to a different one. Kun has exchanged stories with you about how his fiancé was excited about getting married and how they were so ready for their honeymoon in Maldives. You could see it in his eyes that he was enamoured of his significant other— they’re so lucky to have him in their life. Your little catching up session ended when your alarm rang and reminded you that it was time for you to go and prepare for tonight’s dinner party. You bid your goodbye to Kun and he handed you the invitation for his wedding before walking away.

And now here you were, on the balcony of the event’s place that overlooks the beach. You took one last sip of your wine before placing it on the small table and removed your shoes, holding the straps on your fingers as you walked down the stairs that lead to the beach. No single soul was here except you and you took advantage of that. You walk closer and closer to the shore until you feel the cold winter sea on your feet (which you really regret now).

“Miss Y/N,”

You turn your head and see Jaehyun. This was the first time you saw him since the three days you’ve been here. He looked cute as he was still wearing his tuxedo with an antler headband.

“Walk with me.” You request, waiting for him to respond. He nodded his head and walked until he was finally next to you. “So, I want to apologize about what happened three weeks ago. From me calling you so late in the evening, you picking me up in the club and uh… me confessing. That’s kind of unprofessional of me, I think, and I know you’re just doing your job and it’s not your fault that I’m uh, starting to like you because I’m the one who’s responsible for my feelings. I hope we can just pretend that that never happened.”

“Y/N,” Jaehyun called, you stopped your tracks by the sudden drop of formalities. “Do you know why I walked out right after your confession?”

“Because we’re two different people who are not meant for each other.” He continues, “You’re so near yet so far, you don’t deserve someone like me. You deserve someone who lives the same lifestyle as you, the same tax bracket as you, someone who—”

“So what you’re saying is that you think the two of us wouldn’t work because we’re from two different worlds?” You asked, his nod made you scoff. “Then I guess that’s it. You’ve rejected me then?”

“I wasn’t finished though,” He says, “We’re from two different worlds, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to be with you, wanting to try it with you. I know what I’m about to enter would be a huge risk, a huge scandal, but if it’s with you, then I’m willing to take that risk.”

And in that moment, what he told you, it felt like a dream. Is this really happening? You ask yourself, unable to process the words he just said. Your solution? Run back to the hotel and leave him on the beach because you got shy. Jaehyun, however, laughs at what he just witnessed.

The morning after, you found yourself waking up due to the hotel staff knocking at your door. You were so confused because it was early in the morning and the checkout was not until 1 o’ clock in the afternoon. When you opened the door, the bellboy handed you a small bouquet of forget me nots, confused, you took them and thanked the bellboy. It’s winter— usually, forget me nots bloom during the spring. You touch its petals and realize they were artificial.

“Roses are overrated. Forget me not flowers symbolize true love and respect— so I hope you know that my confession last night is true. They’re artificial because they’re not in season yet, I’ll give you the real one in the spring. Let me know if you’re willing to take this risk with me, no rush, let me know whenever you’re ready. Happy holidays, Y/N. Signed, J.”

PRESENT DAY.

Thank heavens for the condominium your brother owns. Somehow, you were able to calm yourself by staying there and found comfort instead of going back home. You’ve been staying there for quite a while, and your brothers willingly drove you back and forth to the office and to the condominium. Your parents have tried to contact you, but your brothers insisted they give you time and let you heal first before speaking to them. Jaehyun, so far, has yet not woken up from his coma. It’s been 8 weeks since the accident, yet no signs of him waking up happened. 

“Miss Y/N, Johnny Suh is here to see you.” said your secretary through the intercom.

“Oh, alright. Send him in please.”

Johnny Suh, the famous director and currently the CEO of Suh Film Studios, enters your office with a bouquet of tulips. 

“I heard about the accident when I was in America, how are you?” He asked, taking a seat on the chair across your table. “These are for you, by the way.”

“Thank you, they’re pretty.” You compliment, taking the bouquet from his hands. “I’m good, it’s been a month and I’m doing good now.”

“What about that bodyguard of yours? Is he good?”

You stopped looking at the flowers and gazed at him, “Uh, no. I heard he’s still at the hospital.” You reply, “So what brings you here?”

“Nothing, just wanted to see how you were doing— personally. I haven’t heard much from you since you last contacted me and since the accident, there haven’t been many updates about you.”

Still the same person who never gets tired of flirting with you since you were introduced two years ago. You let out a chuckle, standing up to put the flowers he gave you in an empty vase. “I’ve been avoiding the media and the internet, that's why you haven’t heard any updates about me.” You say, turning your back against him as you place the vase on the small cabinet by the window. “Johnny, why are you really here?”

“I told you, I just wanted to see how you’re doing.” He answered, “Also, I’d like to take you out for dinner.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why? I just wanted to catch up and take you out. Nothing more, nothing less.”

You turn your heels around, “Well, alright then.”

“Great, I’ll pick you up at 6.”

The moment Johnny bid his goodbye, you return to your seat and stare at the tulips resting on the vase. You remember Jaehyun again, he loved giving you flowers. Sometimes you’d find them in your office, on a random Monday morning with a cute note. The specific flower he loved to buy you were forget me not— he loved them because they only bloom during the spring, he loved them because it’s his reminder that he will keep you in his thoughts everyday. He loved that the flower means being faithful, because like the flower, he was faithful to you as well. After all, you really are his first official girlfriend. Sucks that his first relationship is hidden from the public.

You didn’t have time to go back home and just asked Johnny to pick you up at your office. You informed your brothers beforehand as well, they told you that they will be visiting Jaehyun tonight. He brought you to the newest Michelin restaurant in town, owned by Lee Taeyong— your brother, Doyoung’s best friend and as he quoted your ‘brother from a different mother’. Taeyong was shocked to see you again after so long that he offered to pay for your whole meal, which Johnny disagreed to because it was still business (also because the meal you’re currently eating is worth at least $500).

“You know your bodyguard has always been so protective of you, aren’t you getting annoyed by it?”

That’s because he’s my boyfriend. “The first few weeks were annoying, but I grew out of it. I kind of miss having him around.”

“Why? Is he your boyfriend or anything?”

You almost choked on the wine you were drinking, but brushed it off with a chuckle. “Stop putting meaning into it, John. He’s been my bodyguard for four years, I got used to him being around and following me.”

“You’re right, I just assumed that he’s into you because he’s really protective of you and looks like he’d punch any other guy who tries to touch you.”

“His gaze has always been like that ever since.”

Johnny was about to answer but got interrupted by your ringing phone. You excused yourself and took the phone with you before heading to the restroom. Gongmyung has sent you numerous text messages while Doyoung called you, quickly, you answer the call. Just before you could say a greeting, you could hear Doyoung’s frantic voice. 

“We’ve been trying to contact you, are you still with Johnny?” He asked, by the sound of his breath, you know that he has been walking back and forth.

“I am, what’s happening?”

“Jaehyun…”

You didn’t need any further explanation; you ended the call and went back to Johnny. The older man noticed the haste in your actions, “What’s happening?”

“I have to go,” You reply, taking your wallet and pulling out cash. “I’m sorry, it’s an emergency.”

You placed the cash on the table and headed off quickly, unable to hear Taeyong’s voice when he called you as your attention was focused on Jaehyun’s condition. Fuck, you thought, seeing the traffic on the streets. It’s rush hour and no taxis or buses are available nearby. You could hear Johnny call for your name, and felt his hand on your shoulder. 

���It’ll take you hours if you wait here, I’ll drive you.”

TWO YEARS AGO

Two years have passed, yet it feels like it was yesterday when you got drunk and confessed to Jaehyun. Your relationship is slow as the two of you agreed. Keeping a private, lowkey relationship was something you weren’t expecting you’d have, but you were definitely satisfied with it. You and Jaehyun would sneak kisses whenever he enters your office, sometimes you’d take the risk of making out on the couch of your office after business hours. You’d always tell your parents not to wait for you for dinner because you have something else to do in the office, but you were just there so you could spend quality time with your boyfriend. Jaehyun enjoys the thrill, whenever the two of you are left alone in the building, he’d sneak a kiss on the hallways where the cctvs are out of sight, inside the elevator if there’s only the two of you, before heading to the parking lot, you’d pull him to the emergency stairwell, inside the car while your driver fills up the gas. 

His lips were so… addicting. And that’s why you arranged a rendezvous together. Away from the city, from the crowd. In a little cabin in the woods in a place where no one knows the two of you, to celebrate your first year together.

“You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen in my whole life,” he says, planting a soft kiss on your cheek before claiming your lips. “I love you so damn much.”

You feel your cheeks heat by the compliment. Jaehyun kisses you slowly and passionately while your hands work on unbuttoning his white dress shirt. This is the first time since you’ve dated that you will be intimate with each other. All you ever did in the span of one year were sloppy make-outs in places you know no one will see you. Though there are days you could feel his boner through his pants during makeout sessions, he’d laugh them off and tell you that he was willing to wait for the perfect time for that to happen. 

“C-can I?” He asked gently, referring to your shirt. You nod your head and feel the cold air from the A/C on your exposing skin as he peeled off the shirt. Jaehyun bites his lips as he sees your breasts bounce once the cloth is removed. “Gorgeous, gorgeous girl.”

Jaehyun took this chance to remove the remaining clothes off of him and yours as well, he kissed your forehead before mumbling a quick thank you then proceeded to plant kisses on your cheeks, the tip of your nose and your lips. So what was it with Jaehyun’s lips that are so addicting? Because whenever he kisses you, you feel like your world slows down. It’s like his lips were made for you and you only. You feel your head lay down on the soft pillows while he peppers kisses on your neck lowering himself further as he creates a trail; he kisses the skin between your breasts, he pauses in the middle of your tummy. You felt goosebumps as you felt his hot breath on your skin. Someday. Someday in the future. He thought, kissing the skin before proceeding to lower himself.

It feels so embarrassing knowing how wet you are right now, but Jaehyun assures you that it was fine. He runs his finger along your slit, causing you to suck air. Jaehyun chuckles, rubbing the nub clockwise as you arch your back. He inserts a finger, followed by another one as he distracts you from the pain by dipping his lips to yours. 

“Jaehyun, c-can I?”

He took your pleas as a signal, he quickly discarded his boxers and kicked them off his legs. You knew that Jaehyun was packing, you could feel it through your pants or skirt whenever he’s hard while you’re making out yet you were fascinated by how it looks now that you’re seeing it. Your lips curl into a grin, sitting up and your hands take his cock, precum visible on its tip. You pump his shaft a few times, earning groans and heavy sighs from Jaehyun. You took his length into your mouth, tasting the salty, bitter taste of his precum. His hips started to jerk forward slowly, feeling the splash of pleasure as you suck him. He smirks when he hears you gagged, removing himself from your mouth and wiped the drool on the side of your mouth.

After he opens the silver packet, he rolls the rubber on his cock. He puts his fingers below your chin, and you look up to him with a smile. Jaehyun connects his lips to yours and you let go of his dick when you feel him gently push you to the bed, your lips not breaking up. You feel his hand spread your legs to position himself between you. 

He breaks the kiss and lines his cock on your entrance, “Ready?” He asks, earning an eager nod from you. Jaehyun plants a kiss on your forehead before he pushes the tip in. You let out a gasp, feeling his thick cock rub against your wall. “Baby, you’re tight.”

Your eyes shut closed when Jaehyun started to suck on your nipple, he palms your breast and started to rock his hips slowly. The mixture of moans and groans filled the whole room as his entire length was buried inside of you. He maintained the slow pace, taking his time as he practically makes out with your nipple while you tug his hair in pleasure. When he finally stopped, he started whispering sweet nothings against your cheek and lips. 

The sex was slow and intimate— nothing like the ones you did when you were in university because now, you were doing it with the person you love and not a random guy you met at a party. It feels different knowing how much you love this guy, it feels so perfect and you feel loved, adored and appreciated by the things he’s been whispering to you. The bed creaks with each thrust he makes, your fingers that were once on Jaehyun’s hair, now twisting the comforter underneath you. 

“Babe,” you mewl, “I-I think I’m close, please don’t stop…”

“So am I.”

Jaehyun started to fasten his pace, his length was filling you up and the skin slapping got louder and louder, causing it to echo inside the room. The orgasm that was slowly building up earlier, was now at its peak. You were the first to cum, wrapping your legs around his waist as you let him chase his high. Your walls clench around him, causing his cock to twitch— his thrusts became more frantic. Jaehyun moans your name as his cum spills into the condom. 

He pulls out of you, removing the rubber from him and making sure to tie and discard it properly. Soon, he was lying next to you in bed. Planting kisses on your forehead and whispered a small thank you and I love you to you. It felt perfect; you in his warmth, not caring about the world and its problems— because what’s important right now is just the two of you.

PRESENT DAY.

After you thanked Johnny for giving you a ride to the hospital, you rushed to the entrance. Stopping for a second to remove your heels and once you held them in your hands, you were unstoppable. The elevator was taking far too long to arrive so you chose to take the stairs as Jaehyun’s bedroom was located on the third floor only. After opening the emergency stairwell’s door, you stopped to catch your breath and walked to his room where your brothers were waiting for you outside.

“What happened?”

Doyoung turns around and sees you holding your heels, yet ignores the judgment he did as whatever he was about to comment did not matter right now. “It’s been thirty minutes, the doctors still hasn’t come out.” He says, “But I came to check up on him just as you asked me to, I told Gongmyung to come with me and after 10 minutes we were inside the room, we noticed his hand move as well as his vital signs.”

You plop on the chair beside you, catching your breath properly this time. The elevator door opens and spits out Johnny, holding your bag. Thankfully, Doyoung was a quick-thinker. He was quick enough to change the subject and got Johnny out of the scene before the man finds out the reason why you were in a rush to go to the hospital. 

A number of doctors and nurses exit Jaehyun’s room, and call for you and Gongmyung. “Do you mind if we enter the room altogether?” Dr. Park asks, the two of you nodded and entered the room. “Jaehyun, the people who stood as your guardians for the past few weeks are here. Your sister is on her way here according to the assistant nurse.”

Jaehyun had a confused look on his face as he stared at you, he was staring for so long that you were starting to get nervous. “If you mind me asking Jaehyun, do you remember them?”

“M-my boss, Kim Donghyun.”

“What about her?”

He frowns, as if he was trying to find the words he wanted to say. “I don’t know her.” except the one he said shattered your heart in just a second. “I-is he Mr. Gongmyung’s girlfriend?”

The doctor smiles and shakes his head, asking more  personal questions relating to him and even from his childhood. “You did a great job, Jaehyun. Thank you for answering.” He said, “Mr. and Ms. Kim, could we step out of the room for an explanation?”

“What was that, Doc? Why can’t he remember me?” You asked the moment Dr. Park closes the door.

“Jaehyun has traumatic amnesia— that is the result of the accident. As you know, amnesia involves losing an individual’s memory. That includes his memories from his childhood and some recent events.” Dr. Park explained, “If I may ask, Ms. Kim, what is your relationship with the patient and how long have you known him?”

Your eyes widened and looked at your brother. “He’s uh, he’s my bodyguard and we’ve known each other for 4 years now.”

Dr. Park nodded his head, “I see, but you do have to know that due to the severity of his head injury, it might take a while before he remembers most of his memories, but this is also just temporary. Amnesia does not have medications to help the patient restore the lost memories, but you may help him remember some of it by reminding him of the things he experienced or liked like music, movies, and even food. Meanwhile, the patient is doing well now as per his condition, but I suggest giving him a few more days here in the hospital for him to fully recover. He’s been in a vegetative state for quite a while.”

“Thank you for explaining, Dr. Park.”

The doctor nods his head and walks away, leaving you and your brother in the hallway. Just in time for Doyoung to return from his mission to get rid of Johnny. 

“I’m just… I’m just gonna go get some fresh air.” You say, putting on your shoes and walked away. You hear your brothers call for you, but you tuned out and head off to the elevator.

“What happened?” asked Doyoung, “Is Jaehyun alright?”

“Yeah, he is. But Dr. Park said that he’s suffering from amnesia, he remembers me and most of his memories, but none from his childhood and the past 4 years. He doesn’t remember Y/N.”

“What are we going to do about it?”

“I have no idea, Doyoung.”

You needed air, but you also needed to let out your anger. After running away and staying in your brother’s condominium, you finally had the strength to return home and face your father. You hand the cab driver a wad of cash, exiting the car and walked to the gates of your house with an exasperated face. You were almost a hundred percent sure that since you left, you were a persona non-grata in this household, but the guards were quick to open the gates for you. Even the maids who were cleaning the living room were shocked to see you enter the house and quickly pointed your parents’ direction when you asked them where they were. 

You barged in the small function room you have, you weren’t aware that your parents have visitors but that was the last thing you’d think of right now. What’s more important is what you have to say. Your mom’s eyes widened when she saw your presence, your father stopped drinking his whisky.

“Are you happy, Dad?” You say, voice loud enough for everyone in the room to hear. “Are you happy that your plan worked?”

“Y/N,” Your mother warned, “Not now.”

“Why not now, Mom? Are you scared that everyone in this room will know that Dad is responsible for putting me and my bodyguard in that accident? That he was the main reason why my bodyguard is in the hospital with amnesia right now and was almost on the brink of death?”

Loud gasps echo the room, and whispers spread like wildfire. Your father was not best at hiding his emotions, when he’s mad, he’s mad as hell. He couldn’t believe that now that you are older, you’re able to look at his eyes and have the power to shame him and have the power to speak the truth in front of a lot of people. He hated that you could now look straight into his eyes and tell the world what kind of father he was. And that is why his defense was to slap you across the face, so hard that the skin of his hand and your cheek made a loud noise. 

“What kind of daughter are you, bringing shame into this family by dating a bodyguard?”

“Really, Dad? You’re asking me that when you should’ve asked yourself, what kind of person are you? How do you sleep at night knowing you almost took your own daughter’s life, and another person’s life?” You sob, turning your heels to look at the people inside the room. Your eyes met their judging gazes, “What you heard is the truth. My own father plotted an attempted murder to me and my bodyguard. The news that said the cause of my car accident was unknown? That’s because my parents wouldn’t disclose the truth to the media. They’re ashamed of what the public would think of our family, knowing that I am dating an average guy, hell, my own bodyguard.”

Silence surrounded the room as you walked away. People were astounded and speechless as they looked at your parents in disgust. As you reach the doors of your house, you wonder where did your confidence to face your father come from? And quickly, you realized it was all the pent up anger you’ve been hiding from him all these years. It felt like a thorn was pulled out of your chest, yet everything was still a mess.

Now that the truth is out, what will happen to you? You were a hundred percent sure that by tomorrow, headlines will spread about your family and your current relationship status. But with Jaehyun suffering from amnesia, what would be your relationship with him now? Will your relationship switch from being lovers to strangers? Will he continue working for you and your family? You didn’t know what the set up would be.

You return back to your brother’s condominium, unable to think straight and sleep after what happened today. It was already 12 midnight, and you find yourself sitting by the window, downing a bottle of wine as you cry. Why was the world unfair? All you wanted was to be happy with Jaehyun, and nothing else. So what is it that you did in your life, that its consequence was to withhold your happiness with Jaehyun?

“Sir Gongmyung,” Jaehyun called, causing your brother to turn his head around. Three days have passed since he woke up and is now getting ready to be discharged. “I cannot express how grateful I am for… um… you paying for my hospital bills.”

“It’s nothing, Jaehyun. You don’t have to worry about it.”

“I’ll pay you back as soon as I can, sir—”

“No, Jaehyun, everything’s settled. You don’t have to,” Gongmyung gave him a warm smile, and waited for the nurses to give them the go signal to exit the premises. “Although are you sure you’re fine going back to your job? You can rest for a while before going back, we’re not in a rush to have you back after all.”

“I don’t think I can rest, sir. It’s my job to protect you all and I’m pretty sure I’m okay going back right away.”

THREE YEARS LATER.

How long has it been since you left Korea?

It’s been a good three years since you left without saying a word, charging your father for attempted murder, winning the case and finally putting him to jail like he deserves. Haneul was still in business, thanks to your brothers’ hard work and dedication — it wasn’t easy but they made it possible. You were 27 when you left, and now you’re returning as a 30-year-old woman who now owns her own company, not affiliated with her father’s company and name. As the plane lands in Korea, you remember returning here when you were 23. A young, naive woman who had no idea what her future was like. The young woman only wanted to date freely without having everyone question her.

Doyoung had picked you up from the airport, driving you back to the apartment you bought in Gapyeong where you plan to stay for a while after finishing a huge movie. For a woman in her early 30s, directing your first movie felt good and knowing it was a blockbuster around the world boosted your confidence even more. That being said, all the hard work you’ve done for the past three years, you deserve a break. Going back to Korea was both painful and wonderful. You were going back knowing that you’ve healed some parts of you that were once broken, and you were going back to pick up the remaining pieces you’ve left there. 

“You sure you’re going to be okay here?” asked your brother as he pushed your last luggage inside the apartment, “Because I can take a few days off at work to stay with you here, even Jina can stay with you”

You let out a chuckle, shaking your head no. “I’ll be fine, I’ve been living abroad alone for three years. Pretty sure I can handle myself now.” You reply, “Besides, Jina is pregnant. I don’t want to be an inconvenience to the two of you.”

“You’re not an inconvenience, Y/N. You’re my sister and Jina misses you.”

“Doyoung, I really will be okay here. I’ll visit you whenever I can, but for now I really want to be alone” You persuade.

“Alright,” Your brother sighs, “The car you’ve asked for will be delivered here tomorrow. Be sure to wake up early for that, alright? I’m pretty sure I’ve asked them to deliver that at 9 a.m.”

You nodded your head and caged your brother into a hug, “Thank you… like seriously. For still taking care of me even if you already have your own families.”

“You’re our sister, you’re still our family.”

Doyoung left you alone inside the apartment, it was already 10 in the evening when you were finally done putting your things away. You open a bottle of wine and sat by the window of your apartment, enjoying the late night sky. As you finish your first glass, you couldn’t help but think of your ex — wait, was he your ex? There was no official breakup after all, there was no breakup to start with as he was suffering from amnesia during that time. You couldn’t help but chuckle and tear up, you avoided Jaehyun so much that time when you were attending court trials, and even avoided him when he tried to talk to you. 

Gongmyung said that after a year, he left his job and opted to work for the company his sister had recommended to him. You badly missed him, but you’re unable to do anything. You lost contact and everything with him. Jeong Jaehyun, maybe in another lifetime. You thought as you downed another glass of wine.

When the car Doyoung bought for you arrived, you wasted no time and headed off to the place you missed the most. The place you spend your happy and sad days. The place that brought you so much joy and so much pain. You noticed a lot has changed in the span of a few years of not visiting, there were a lot of tourists as expected. Families, couples, groups of friends — you smiled at the sight of them because everyone looked so happy. You sat on a vacant bench, watching the water and listening to the autumn breeze. You were back here, in the same exact spot you cried to your brothers when you found out the truth about your father. 

“I knew I’d find you here” You froze, you haven’t heard that voice in years. “Y/N…”

You didn’t want to turn around, you wanted to, but you weren’t sure if you could. Am I hallucinating? You thought, shutting your eyes close as well as your hands. This can’t be real. You thought again.

“Kim Y/N, the woman I love… you’re here again.” You gulped at the sentence, this really can’t be real. This is some fucked up shit. I’m dreaming. “My former boss who hated me, my former boss who took my first kiss on this island, my former boss who confessed to me on Jeju Island, my love who loved forget me nots.”

You could feel your heart beat faster as you heard him walk closer and closer like his voice. You still couldn’t turn your head around, you wouldn’t open your eyes. “My love who left me three years ago and returned…” At this point, you wanted to cry. He remembers, “My love, I can now remember you…”

You could feel his presence in front of you, his hands were on your knees as you quietly sobbed. The man you’ve been thinking of last night was in front of you, holding you, yet you refuse to believe it. “Y-you’re not real…” You say, hearing him chuckle.

“I am real,” He says, “and I can remember you now… your name is Y/N Kim, graduated from a university somewhere in Europe, daughter of a business tycoon. Y/N Kim who never failed to visit me in the hospital when I was in coma, Y/N Kim who took my first kiss… You’re Y/N Kim whom I loved the most three years ago, and I still do until now.”

Finally, you open your eyes and see the person in front of you. Jaehyun looked so different compared to what he looked like before you left. He looked much mature now, wearing his casual clothing and not his usual tuxedo back when you were still dating. Jaehyun smiles at you as you stare into his eyes, he wipes a tear that escaped your eye and leaned towards you to plant a kiss on your forehead. “I thought you forgot about me… what about your amnesia?”

“I started remembering the things we’ve shared together a month after you left the country…” He said, “Your brothers were a huge help as well. They were the ones who told me that you are my girlfriend, they were the ones who told me about our accident.”

“B-but…”

“I remember everything now, my love.” He said, connecting your lips together, “I will never forget you now.”

COPYRIGHT © THEJE0NGS. 2022. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

DO NOT REPOST OR TRANSLATE.

#cznnet #kflixnet #neohub #nct-writers #nctcreations18 #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun scenario #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun angst #jaehyun smut #nct 127 fluff #nct 127 angst #nct 127 smut #nct fluff #nct angst #nct smut #nct ff #nct x you #nct x reader

[yoinkschief]

Me when I men

Dog Teeth AU Tom Character Reference Sheet

WARNING: Slight NSFW - Mild, Non-Explicit Nudity under the cut

My other husband I love him so much let me kiss you on the lips volatile ball of angst and anger

My poor boy was cursed with his father's hairline and sress he cannot carry,,, to be fair that last bit was his own doing

I sure hope he looks nautical enough,, I mean I want him to nautical INSPIRED, not a member of the marine court, y'know?

My lover said "very Garp of him" and I think that's that One Piece Marine DILF guy so that's a plus :)

I also wanted his outfit to be a direct contrast to Tord's - I mean red and blue are already contrasts on the color wheel but kinda so is green so I wanted a little more driving force: white against Tord's blacker color palette

While white is supposed to represent purity, I assure you, Tom is anything but

It's more a reflection of how the characters see themselves: Tord KNOWS he's a piece of shit and happily flaunts it because no one can do anything about, he holds it with pride even

But Tom doesn't believe he's being an ass, he thinks he's genuinely doing the right thing or at the very least the lesser of the two evils he was forced into, and than on it's own has some merit but this is just to say Tom isn't exactly the "savior" of the story despite what the white palette may suggest

It certainly is what he wants to portray to the public, however

Mmmmm mann

I'm apparently really into sharp contrasts or something cause I keep shading with very bright colors against very dark shadows,,,, it's really fun actually so whateva

Also that cape thing Tom wears ? Worst thing ever, it's like a texture issues but instead of the texture bothering him it's the uneven amount of weight, like he's painfully aware it's on his left shoulder and not his right and it irks him so badly but "it carries his rebellion's symbol so he has to wear it in public" or whatever

He's really only seen wearing it during important or public matters, when it counts

Otherwise that thing's in the bin

Back in his OG style but with the horrible hairline and salt in his hair

He got a day off

He snuck out of the lime light

"Ohh I drew him naked to show off his tattoos and to talk about them"

No I didn't

I'm a liar

I drew him naked cause I wanted to draw his tits so I did, simple

But I will talk about his tattoos some more :)

First of all: That scar on his left shoulder is from the house rubble, that cut we see on his arm at the end of The End pt. 2, yeah that's where that comes from

As for his tattoos,,

I know I've explained these somewhere but I'm explaining them again cause I dunno if I explained it someone's DMs or not lol

The Harpoon tattoos are pretty self explanatory, and I also just wanted to show off colored tattoos on darker skin complexions cause that's the stupidest argument I've ever heard and black/dark skinned people should be able to get colored tattoos

The rest are kind of important to Tom and the story line,,,ish?:

the Shark Teeth tattoo comes from the time he visited Hawaii to find out more about his father and his Father's side of the family and their customs, traditions, his heritage, etc. etc.

To make a long story short: there's a reason his father doesn't talk about his side of the family often, but it didn't ruin his experience while visiting some lesser hostile family members in Hawaii like his cousins, and he even got to surf with them - which was when they decided to convince him to get the Shark Teeth tattoo

On top of Tom just being really obsessed with sharks and having infinite knowledge on all things shark related, it's supposed to represent strength, guidance and protection which I think is very fitting for Tom

The "Wolf" tattoo kinda stands out because Tom's Irish, not Scottish or any sort of Norse. So why the Nordic rune?

Well :)

Back when Tom and Tord lived together, they weren't always at each other's throats

I think I mentioned this in my Strip Mafia AU reference sheet for Tord ignore how I forgot to flesh out Tom's,,, I have it I just haven't cleaned it up yet but I'm gonna rehash it here really quick:

Tord gave everyone in the house a tattoo he thought best represented them, including himself (which was the Ouroboros tattoo seen on his character sheet) and Tom's was the rune for "wolf" and I think there are very obvious reasons behind it

Tom stays around his friends a lot, he's got more bite than bark, very unfriendly to outsiders, the list goes on really

It's so odd seeing Tom in so much white if I'm being honest

I'm so used to him being in like angst blacks and greys and I don't think he's adjusting any better himself LOL

#love this big fella #man #eddworld #ew #fanart #art #digital art #reference sheet #character sheet #character reference #Dog Teeth #Dog Teeth AU #eddsworld au #ew au #ew Dog Teeth AU #Dog Teeth Tom #Dog Teeth Blue Leader #ew Tom #eddsworld Tom #ew blue leader #eddsworld Blue Leader #Tom #Blue Leader #jay draws #slight NFSW ?

[smilingperformer]

Me: "Yaaaay it's Horizons anniversary soon!!"

Others: "It's been a year since Satoshi's journey ended"

I... I didn't even think about that |D

Guess I was that ready to just let him leave the story.

Considering that none of the original series staff stayed in the writing team, they were too.

Since it's soon been a year and we're reaching the end of act 2, I can confidently say this is like, my favourite Pokémon series. Alongside Sun & Moon. And both are favs for wholely different reasons, as in, love Sun & Moon for tackling mature topics and for having wonderful humor, alongside good world building and nice focus on family theme. While Horizons I love the story focus shift from normal, cast that is super enjoyable and a take on a found family type of group, new original villains that I've come to like a lot, etc etc.

I love how different both shows are. I love how both dare to try new things out in different way. Liko is one of THE most relatable characters to me, and I love the whole entire cast to bits. I even adore the Explorers, esp. Sango is slowly making a hole in my heart that wants me to call myself a fan of hers. Yes. She's been that enjoyable to me. Even Amethio's grown on me immensely, I like how his character works, and excited to see his role this upcoming ep.

At the start Roy felt a tad bit too alike to Satoshi, and at times I can see that similar type of "forget about a skill and then do the skill" writing from Satoshi era is thrown on him, but he's still mostly his own character. But that is probably why I'm more drawn to the likes of Liko, Dot, Friede, Amethio and Sango, because their fighting styles are so refreshing for me. I even like how Onyx and Sango pairing works, with Onyx fitting Sango's oni-speaking pattern (srsly wtf that must have been intended and now I want to know if dub has ANYTHING to match this speaking pattern with.)

There's been clear growth, clear character progression, much much slower team progress than whatever the fuck JN did (not jabbing at anyone who likes JN but I won't deny that I really hate how fucking fast most Pokémon evolved there. It seems Horizons knows not to rush things).

Act 1 suffered from pacing issue where stuff happens in one episode and then the next ep sort of shrugs it off and continues the plot in a really weird tone-shift, but I don't think act 2 had that, which I liked. But act 2 also had more fill-ins compared to the action-packed act 1. But imo, it was good to have a more slower, calming pace for a while. It helped build on the characters more, and show how the Rising Volt Tacklers exactly live like. Which makes the Brave Asagi breaking in recent episode ever so more heartbreaking aaaaaaaaah-

I'm also kinda glad I was wrong on the "only a one year long series", because so far I'm quite attached to the cast and definitely wouldn't have felt happy to see them go yet. So knowing that Horizons seems to follow the usual 3 year pace (maybe 2, maybe 4, who knows) makes me happy. And I totally look forward to act 3 that is definitely caused by the Brave Asagi needing long, long time for repairs.

So um yeh. This was a weird ramble lol. But like, love Horizons, don't exactly miss old show as I felt it told whatever it wanted to and had the danger of just, butchering characters further from what I enjoyed it for. Sometimes it's better to let go. Fanfics and fanarts will still exists for a long long time, I'm sure. But my enjoyment on Horizons has definitely caused me to not miss the old days at all. And I'm glad.

(Do I want Satoshi to return? Honestly? No. 26 years is long enough for me.)

#pokemon #pokeani #anipoke #pokemon horizons #discussions

[c00kietin]

@imytheone WHOO

I HAVE COMPLETED THE DRAWING!!

I shall also tag @allmightyscroll-swag as well cuz I like tagging em in oc related stuff :3

While I have drawn the siblings profiles, and Brittany making some appearances, Imma tell you MORE information about them!! >:D

One quick thing: These four are my oldest ocs (along with two others but you don't know em eheheh) from 2020 and at the time of making them I had just found out what Helluva Boss is. These characters were very much inspired off of them, especially Cici and Brittany.

Let's start off with the youngest:

CICI

Like I said, she is the youngest being around 6-7 years old

Pronouns are she/her, I'll just say aroace since I don't picture her being in a relationship at her age-

Cici is part demon thanks to her mother, but hasn't developed horns or a tail yet.

However, she has some powers, that being super strength and flight!

She can't fly very high, although she is the strongest in the family; being able to lift around the same weight as a van full of people. The older you get, the weaker your powers would become; so Cici, Onika and Zeke's mother would have the weakest powers.

Cici swears more than Onika and Zeke, mainly because of her mother. She gets in trouble at school regularly for this. That and for throwing chairs around. And for biting teachers' ankles. She gets in trouble for a lot of things.

Like all children, she has tantrums at times. But, of course, hers tend to get more...violent. Usually ending up with someone breaking a bone or two.

For hobbies, Cici enjoys drawing, roleplaying with toys and making things (whether that's with Lego or metal scraps-)

She doesn't listen to music as much as her siblings do, but her favourite artists are Pharrel Williams and Five Finger Death Punch.

She has insomnia and has a lot of difficulty sleeping.

Her and Onika love watching TMNT together, and are currently on Rise.

Cici's original design was heavily based off the girl with the large bow and brown curly hair that appeared in the first episode of HB. I was quite unoriginal at the time lol.

ONIKA

Onika is the middle child, being 15 years old.

Her pronouns are she/they, and they are also aroace.

Onika's powers aren't as strong as Cici's, but she can fly better and can piggy-back the weight of two adults.

Onika technically has a tail, but it's now a stub because a group of bullies cut it off.

Yeah. She was bullied when she was younger. She was jeered for being both demon and human, and neither species wanted to be friends with her.

This was also mainly because she had anger issues which caused her to have violent episodes if provoked enough, one time being she almost killed a teenager younger than her.

Luckily, she's gotten better now and is practically never violent. Except in Mariokart.

Onika is usually either hyperactive and energetic, or utterly lazy and unmotivated.

She desperately wants to get Maori tattoos like Zeke but her parents don't allow her.

She hates wearing skirts and having her hair down.

Onika doesn't have a lot of hobbies, but she enjoys trying new foods, skateboarding and playing the guitar.

Her favourite artists are AC/DC, Metallica, Twisted Sister and Iron Maiden.

I'm pretty sure I based the hair off of another character I saw online once, but I can't remember her name- all I know is that the hair isn't original:'D

ZEKE

Zeke is the oldest at 19 years old.

His pronouns are he/him and he's gay.

Zeke uses his powers the least and only really uses them for miniscule tasks around the house like moving a bed or fighting his sister.

Yeah. Zeke and Onika fight a lot, more physically than verbally, and it's usually for stupid reasons, like who rightfully had the bag of pretzels first.

Zeke has both a tail and horns (which are still growing).

He also has difficulty with keeping his body temperature warm, so he wears a lot of layers and a lot of black to keep in as much heat as possible.

He has Maori tattoos along the back of his left shoulder as well as part of the left arm, but rarely shows these to people.

Zeke has been teased by many to have a "baby face", which annoys him greatly.

He can be mostly found in his bedroom gaming, listening to music or curled up in a ball in bed.

He likes sleeping. A lot.

His favourite games to play are mainly action/shooter games (I'm not an expert in this department so feel free to decide which ones he likes playing) and occasionally likes to play RPGs.

His favourite artists are Green Day, Linkin Park and The Offspring.

BRITTANY

Brittany is also 19 years old and is best friends with Zeke.

Her pronouns are she/her and is an asexual lesbian.

She has the ability to fly, and being incredibly tall probably has some advantages too.

I honestly don't know how her and Zeke ended up being friends, but they just did.

Brittany is a very affectionate person and adores hugging, cuddling, complimenting and kissing people (non-romantically).

She also adores fizzy drinks and cats. She ADORES cats. And animals in general.

If she was to encounter a cat, whether that be an anthropomorphic one or not, she will give them double the amount of affection.

When Brittany's happy, she wags her tail about, shakes her hands and squeals. She does this quite often.

She can be extremely chatty and talkative and could go on for hours on end talking about almost anything.

However, Brittany is extremely clumsy and is prone to falling down the stairs, tripping, running into windows and/or getting her horns stuck in things.

Her hobbies are shopping, going to cafés and watching romcoms.

Her favourite movie is Love, Actually and her favourite artists are Ariana Grande and Twice.

Her original design was heavily based off of Verosika from Helluva, and I still can't let go of the long white hair + pink skin combo :') Fortunately, I think I've managed to differentiate Brittany from her, or I hope-

OKAY I AM NOW DONE I should be sleeping-

#my ocs #oc art #art #long post #infodump!! <<33 #thank you for letting me do this lol #cici #onika #zeke

[kittycat-in-the-dark]

Why i think it is kinda frustrating to love the character of Jason Todd (or just any dc comics character at this point) - coming from a fan

VERY IMPORTANT WARNING: because i like Jason Todd this is gonna be mainly about him. I am gonna discuss certain things in canon and fanon about him that at this point are so tiring, and i just want to rant about them. Also, opinions that you might or might not agree with (lol). So, here comes my rant:

The Mess that is Canon and why it gives me headaches

So, we all know our dearest DC comics, and what a pain they can be. They love being inconsistent, because writers love to write wtv they want while ignoring stuff that came before, change or outright erase characters over night just because "they have their own vision in mind", ruining characters by practicing sexism, racism, classism, all -ism there are, on those characters and through other characters - because why not? And so, most of the times when a character goes to one writer to another it feels like some really do decide to keep their worse traits and add to them and ignore the actual interesting things about that/those character(s) that could make for some more interesting stories and character development. (And i know that most of the inconsistency is not just the fault, or even at all, of the writers, because that is more an issue caused by higher-ups and the decisions and limitations they put on their writers. But, that doesn't mean that writers cannot do better in the writing department, like plenty of writers and creatives have consistently done amazing things even under limitations, actually limitations sometimes showed to be helpful in challenging the creativity of artists,,... thou, i still think that DC needs to give their writers a basic sheet with info on the characters and make their current writers read/get familiar with previous characterization of the characters, at least a bit because this inconsistency is so annoying... also, you guys are supposed to be professionals in writing, like??)

Now let's see what certain writers decided to do with Jason, as an example, i guess, also because i know the most about him. Sorry for still being behind on other characters, aaaaa. So bare with me, please...

Decided to guide him to his death instead of continuing to expand on how Jay could heal from his childhood trauma, deal with his emotions and grow into being a better person and hero:

Jim Starlin (one of the writers of Batman comics in Post-crisis) decided to take the sweet boy that loves his family, that has anger issues from his past trauma, but that still did his best to help people and has very resourceful, and decided to completely focus on just how angry he was and the "tragic destiny that always awaited for him", especially because he also somehow deserves it -> which is, unfortunately, something that is made even worse in the New-52 and Rebirth. There is just this over insistence that because Jason was angry in certain situations, that he is and always was "broken" or "improper", and stuck on a never-ending cycle of violence. And in recent comics, every time young Jason Todd is brought up (in discussions, flashbacks and stories happening in his time as Robin) more often than not, the writers decide to put too much focus on Jason's more negative traits related to his anger and arrogance (about this last one, i, personally, don't think he was originally. Like yes, he could be too reckless sometimes and disobey orders from Batman and stuff, but which Robin didn't... also Jason was actually pretty well behaved for the most part of his Post-crisis Robin time).

But ya, this is also generally a problem, that DC still practices to this day, with Jason, Damian, and other sidekick or kid characters. I even remember seeing a post/article about the departments in DC, especially the Batman comics one, having writers or superiors, that didn't like and outright hated the concept of Robin, they wanted to get rid of Dick Grayson at first, but fortunatly Dick was moved to another department when he became a full time Titan and going on his own adventures completely separate from Batman. This is also why Dick is not that present during Jason's years as Robin... which kinda sucks. Like yes, Dick having his development and building his own team and new hero identity outside Robin, Batman and Gotham was great and all, but it's so stupid and frustrating that the actual reason Dick wasn’t a present brother was because of executive stuff going on at DC rather than that much of an in-universe and character reasons - like, i get that it can be justified by "Dick and Bruce were still going through their issues from spliting up and Dick had his own responsibilities as a solo hero and team leader" - but it wouldn't have been impossible to at least have Dick visit Alfred and Jason more than he did in canon, or show him and Jay having or keeping contact more after their first meeting, or even better, let Jason hang out and get closer to the Titans more, so he can spend more time with his new brother and make hero friends of or closer to his age... i mean, there were some panels that showed, for example, Jason and Dick skiing and Jay going on like 2 missions with the Titans, but it would have been awesome if Jay actually got to build closer relationships with them.

Also, from what i understood, many weren't happy with the introduction of a new Robin... plus Jay was Robin in the comics for just 1 year in real world time (from 1987 to 1988 -> yes, i am not joking... the most known and nowadays canon version of Jason, aka from Post-crisis, was Robin for just a year, the other 4 years of being Robin, aka from 1983 to 1986, was with Pre-crisis Jason that was basically Dick 2.0., and that doesn't even make part of the main continuity, as we know it*) and in Universe he was Robin for about 3 years (he was 12 when he met Bruce and died at 15), and considering that most stories during this time were more focused on Bruce/Batman and on the villain of the week type stories, Jay really didn't get that much character exploration before dying. Which kinda sucks...

*a little note about this: so, in 2022-2023 the Dark Crisis event happened, which apparently restored Pre-crisis as being part of canon, which makes no sense considering that Pre-crisis Jason Todd and Post-crisis Jason Todd are completely different, but ya DC doing DC stuff like usual, uffff - but, i still think that the "main/real" Robin Jason is the one from Post-crisis

Thou, even if A Death in the Family kinda started the way of depicting Robin Jason as too angry and violent, i don't think that the way the conflict was depicted between Bruce and Jason is as bad as it is depicted in recent comics - because it was more about Jason and Bruce respectively missunderstanding each other's side. That being that Jason probably saw being benched as a "step" to be fired like Dick was, or that Bruce thought that he wasn’t good enough to be Robin and that his place as Bruce's son, probably, wasn’t "so secure",, while on the other side, Bruce just wanted to bench Jason from Robin because he was indeed becoming too reckless and violent in the field, so he was worried that his son would hurt himself. So, i think it's important to understand that this story, despite it's many problems, at least tried to be more balanced and "realistic"/genuine with the conflict between the characters. But the thing with the "destined to die and to live in violence" still is kinda shitty, because again, it is leaning into the idea that Jason deserved this, even if everything that happened in this story happened mainly because of miscomunication between Jason and Bruce, and DC not giving the chance for Jay to take another path.

The "voting for Jason to die" thing:

Okay, i am gonna be honest with that idk much about this subject. But i remember reading an article and posts were it is claimed that the vote might have been rigged because a lot of people at the time in DC wanted to get rid of Jason and because, well, the call type vote must have been kind of a mess when it happened through the phone back in the 80s. Plus it is also believed that the people that were able to vote, voted for Jason to die probably mostly to see if DC would really do it, ya know just for the fun of it and to see if DC really had the balls to do it, which many seemed to actually be doubting. So ya... but either way, the fact that people at DC thought about this, is kinda weird and unfair imo, because Jay, like i said before, wasn’t even given the chance to developed or to build a different path other than one filled with tragedy and violence...

The erasure and non-erasure of Sheila Haywood:

As we all already know, the actual reason why Jason died was that he tried to save his mother from the Joker, when he discovered that she was working for him. The problem with this arrives when DC always choose to frame it as "Jason died because of his recklessness and disregard for Bruce's authority when he told Jason to stay put". And the problem with this is that it makes it seem like DC doesn't even consider how a kid in Jason's situation might feel and act and that the fault wasn’t his or his temper's or wtv that he died, as much as it was the betrayal of his mother and Batman literally leaving Jason behind, when he could've and should've taken his son with him to do the rescue and to make sure Jay and Sheila would be save. And especially considering that Bruce was aware that Jason can be quite stubborn and reckless, and that he must really wish to save his mom more than anything, that, logically, Jay would've gone for his mother no matter what Bruce said or how he promissed that he would save Sheila. Also, Batman and Robin are supposed to be partners,, how did Bruce think that with such an important and personal mission for Jason that the kid would just stay on the side lines and wait for Bruce to do something. Also the fact that, somehow... huh, Jason made it to the warehouse way before Bruce did, even if he went for it way before Jason, like?? - but either way, 80s writing used to be weird and stuff, but when it comes to A Death in the Family, many people pointed out that the writing makes almost no sense and it is quite goofy with a lot of things, despite supposedly being a monumental story considering that this is the first time a sidekick dies and stays dead, and in such a tragic way... also that shit is so goofy that it ended with Joker as an Middle East Ambassador or wtv... so ya. Too stupid even by "silly simple fun superhero stories of the 80s" standards.

But the problem, like the title of this point sugests, is that some writers in more modern comics, aka Post-crisis from the 2000s, New-52 and Rebirth, decided to outright erase Sheila from the equation. Which takes away from a relatable and sympathetic factor that lead Jason to his tragic end, and instead focus on just how reckless, stubborn and angry Jason is, and that was what killed him. Also, that now, the reason he got involved with Joker was not because it happened that his mom that he wanted to meet and save was working for Joker but that Jay had a very deep insecurity about himself as Robin and Bruce's son and so he just decided to go after Joker impulsively in order to impress Bruce by stopping and capturing him on his own, which ya... way to ruin it guys... like yes, it can be said that Jay went to Ethiopia looking for his mom originally because he and Bruce were having problems, after all Jay did find out about his mom and decided to leave when he heard Bruce and Alfred discuss to bench him from Robin because he was too violent and reckless in some recent cases, more notably the Garzonas one, and so it makes sense that Jay would kinda associate not being a good enough Robin as not being a good enough of a son for Bruce, and thus motivating him to look for his mom when he, basically accidently/by chance, learned that he has a biological mother that is alive and well, and that might want to have him back as a son.

And then, you have writers that, after others chose to erase Sheila completely (like they did in the New-52), decided to write that the reason Jay died was because of trying to save Sheila, like that line Jay says in Task Force Z, "I died trying to save someone I love.", and it creates this annoying back and forth with this fact... like, erasing and/or bringing a character or their importance to the story or the main characters' development is a big deal, and DC writers just played with Sheila around like randomly throwing the ball to see if it lands on the "Sheila exist this week" or on the "Sheila doesn't actually exist the next week or ever did" side of the field.

Being weird about Jay's relationship with Talia because the writer (aka Judd Winick) wanted to be experimental and that Talia and Jay having "just sex" is not a big deal because it's normal for people to just have sex, the context be damned (also the consequences this could bring in how people view Talia's character):

i don't think i need to elaborate on this more than i already did...

The writer of UTRH (Judd Winick again) went too far while depicting Jason's violence:

Okay, before you go at me for shitting on the writing of a writer that is considered to be the best Jason Todd writer, i have to say that he did some interesting and fun things with Jay, but also paired up with a lot of stuff that contributed to a worse perception of Jason's character and falling further into the "Jason was always destined to be violent and murder-y" hole. Like, he even added more to Jason's time as Robin, but only decided to focus on the more negative parts of it, and while i can understand that he probably wanted to put Jason's flaws and conflict with Bruce at center stage for his return as the villain Red Hood, i think he kinda started the trend of refering to Jay as always being the "Angry Robin" and that everytime there is a flashback with Robin Jason since then it is always about his anger and nothing else. Also, i feel like he kinda forgot to show Jason caring about innocents, aka women and children, while writing this, which is kinda weird considering that he did show that side of Jay in Lost Days...

From the Titans Tower fight till the end of Post-crisis Jason's writing was a complete mess:

i feel like DC reached a point by this time where they had no clue what to do with Jason (and nowadays they are still at this point and have been in it since then, if we are being honest). They decided to either make Jason a total nut case full on villain that hurts a lot of people for no good reason and at the same time have stories were he is an ally to the Heroes and where he does the right thing, even if he is still a bad guy. And the thing is: if DC really wanted to make Jay an anti-hero that walked a grey line where he sometimes did his own selfish desires and still antagonized certain heroes he thinks he has a bone to pick with (like Batman and Nightwing), but that still gave a shit about innocents and would help people even when aligned with villains, they could have but they kinda didn't. Like, i know it's a very cut and dry definition of an anti-hero, but like, comics are stacked full with over used tropes and have created some themselves, and with this Jason could be a more interesting story element everytime he popped up because the readers and the heroes would never know if to expect Jason to be against them or helping them. Plus, they could advance from this by developing him from a more "villainous anti-hero" to a more "heroic anti-hero", and doing so by touching/going on Jason's roots as Robin and what made Jason the happy hopeful kid that loved to help people. But no,,,, they decided to do a complete mess!! DC, why... thou, i kinda feel like this transition of Jason from a more "villainous anti-hero" to a more "heroic anti-hero" didn't happen properly for the same reason Jason became more violent and angry as Robin didn't work that well/felt rushed, and that was because this was made in a short time limit. Because, like Starlin wanted to get to the "fated death of Robin because of his issues" as quick as possible, Post-crisis Red Hood Jason seemed (imo) to suffer from this as well, because Post-crisis (as a continuity/timeline) was ending, the next big retconning event was approaching in DC comics,,, like heck, even the story of UTRH was interrupted sometimes because of a timeline/universe altering event... and then the One Year Later event happened, and Jay seemed to have become "more crazy that ever", and the heroic parts that Jason still had were discarded completely. Which tbh i wasn’t a big fan of, at all. So, Jay ended his Post-crisis story as a full on "deranged villain".

RHATO is a BIG mess; YES, unfortunatly, i mean both of them, maybe exept for the first 25 issues of RHATO (2016) - why did DC have to give Jason's main books to Scott Lobdell?! Also, those first 25 issues of RHATO (2016) are kind of a miracle, all things considered:

So... RHATO (2011) was basically Jason's first big "going on his own with a team in stories non-related to Batman"... and it was awful. Because well, DC decided to make Jason, Roy Harper and Koriand'r aka Red Hood, Arsenal and Starfire the Outlaws, and write them completely out of character. Which ya, pissed off/annoyed a lot of fans... and these are the main reasons why (i think, might have missed some thou, but this serve enough to make a point against this book):

First off, it makes no sense for Roy and Kori to agree to Jason's methods and philosophy, so question: why would they join/form the Outlaws and with Jay as the leader?

Why is Jay the leader when he was no previous leading experience at this point, while both Kori and Roy do?

Why tf was Roy made dumb and Kori into an eye candy character, while being stripped off of their inteligence and kindness respectively?

Why are 2 of Dick Grayson's closests friends, one of which is also an ex-lover, hanging out with his little brother, considering that when those best friends first met that brother they were already adults, and Roy even had his daughter Lian, when Jay was just 12?

General answer: the writer decide to say fuck you to anything and build what could be considered a "male power fantasy" through Jason, also sexism, so he ended up ruining everything and everyone.

Long, more specific to each question answers:

Kori and Roy were "given to Jason" as his teammates and friends and made "more violent and outcasted" from their previous teams and friends/family because DC rebranded with the New-52 and wanted to be more edgy and had no idea what to do with these 2 characters so they decided to shove them together just because... and also because they had no idea what to do with Jason either, like i said previously.

Jay is the leader because "power male fantasy" for and with guys without powers, having no idea what to do with him that could be interesting, human characters in DC are often made the leaders to make up for and balance with their more powerful teammates, Jay is made the leader instead of Roy because the Bats are always up in DC's hierarchy of gets to lead the team and be the main face of the team and comic because money. Also,, look, i know it can be said that Jay, just like any other Batkid, deserved the chance to have his role and his experience as a leader, but because of his short time as Robin he didn't even get that much experience working with others or with a bigger team, besides being partners with Batman, and he never got to have a proper leader role before the Outlaws (and no, being a crime-lord doesn't count because he mostly did things solo, his partners and workers worked with him under fear or because the other option was worse than him, and also he killed the guys he worked with or that worked for him a lot... so ya, i wouldn't call that leadership experience). It really was a decision made just based on "the Bats need to be the leaders at some point of any teams we create" DC rule.

Roy was dumbed down so he wouldn't be the logical leader and because Jason needed a "dumb best friend" or something and Kori, well... the boys needed an eye candy sexy alien woman for the comic to actually be interesting... also, they threw away her kindness because she needs to be as rude and angry as her male teammates.

Also, weird as shit that they decided to give Jay Dick's best friends (or i guess ex-best friends during this time) because they were too lazy to make new friends for Jason.... also they had to ruin their established relationships because why tf not? - also why is Roy only refered to as Jay's best friend when he was/is Dick's best friend (or one of his best friends)... like?? i mean, people can have more than one best friend, but DC doesn't seem to understand that, so...

in conclusion, this book ruined everyone!! Hurray DC, that was such a great achievement *fucking insert infinite tons of sarcasm here*.

Also, to make a little note/comment about something that comes from fandom about this Outlaws Team specifically: i really really really hate that, because of this book, Jason is shipped with either Kori or Roy or with both at the same time in a poly relationship. And while, yes i get the "let them be shipped" because this is just people having fun with the characters and all that,,, no matter how they put these ships, i will always find them gross because of the reasons i mentioned above,, aka Kori and Roy were adults when they met 12-year-old Jason -> like just this alone should ring alarm bells,, Kori is Dick (Jay's brother)'s ex, which akward,, i mean, overall these relationships just give me the icky... okay?? Sorry about this little detour. Moving on from this now. i just really needed to let it out.

RHATO (2016) actually started better... a lot better. The first 25 issues are interesting and have sweet moments that i really like. i said it before, but these 3 are my favourites together, until DC decided to ruin them as well... because why not. imo, RHATO (2016) did better because, well, despite being written by the same writer of RHATO (2011), this one actually fixed some of the problems of the previous one and the character dynamics between the main 3 were pretty solid (for the first 25 issues that is..). And that is because:

Jason and Artemis have great chemistry with each other either you look at it platonicaly or romantically.

Their banter is amazing and so funny.

Love that these Outlaws, especially Artemis, are more the type of "Jason gives an order like he is the leader, but they ignore it because they have a better plan" - that doesn't mean that Jay doesn't have his own good plans/ideas but him being the "main leader" is not as cut and dry as it was in RHATO (2011).

i like that Jay is the more emotional link of the Outlaws, aka he was the one that kept at first the Outlaws together.

The relationships between Artemis, Jason and Bizarro are just so sweet - like sorry, but they make my heart go mush, okay?

i like that even if the writer tried to write a romantic relationship between Jason and Artemis, that they, and especially Artemis, didn't put that much focus on it, it was something that existed in the background while they were more worried about other things, such as their missions and taking care of Bizarro.

But, after that things became kinda bad:

By the end of issue 25, Jason was beaten by Batman because "he killed Penguin" on live television (which btw Jason didn't actually kill him) and so Bruce beat him up pretty badly, some say even worse than he beats his villains.

Thou, i will give it to the story just the fact that i think it's interesting that things for Jason went to shit the moment he decided to go on his own after Penguin without his teammates, which kinda strenghtens the fact that Jason needs someone besides him when something bad happens to him or finds out something bad (like here when he finds out Penguin was responsable for his dad's imprisonment and death).

But a big problem: making Jason's established abusive father seem as some kind of "martyr for his family", even if he actually hurt his wife and son, at the time, more than anyone else. Also, that Jason actually went for it with believing his dad was a good guy and proudly went after Penguin while claiming to be Willis's son. Like, i don't think it's that unbelievable that Jay still cared for his dad, even if he hurt him and his mom a lot, but... the writing paints Willis too much like "a good guy trying to help his family that got involved with the wrong people" while letting Jason's mom and her importance to Jason on the sidelines or outright ignored - like, i know that in Post-crisis, more specifically in A Death in the Family that Willis was refered to as "a dad that made mistakes trying to help his family", but by this point in Rebirth (and with the New-52) Willis was established clearly as having been an abusive husband and father, and more clearly than ever... so, it's kinda fucked up that at this point the writer tried to kinda "hero-fy" him because he abandoned and abused his family for "the good of his family",, like that doesn't erase all the pain he caused his wife and son, either he meant to cause it or not. Also, they brushed over the importance Catherine had in Jay's life, when she was one of the most important people to him in Post-crisis.

Then Artemis and Bizarro are "taken away" from Jason because their multidimensional spaceship hideout went out of control and transported them to another place, leaving Jason alone with a pissed off Batman that wasn't finished with beating his son up, until Roy Harper appeared to save his friend.

After this, things get worse because Jay and Bruce reunite and easily make-up, without actually solving anything, which keeps them for the rest of Rebirth continuing a never ending cicle of: "we are at odds because of our desagreements -> one of us (mostly Bruce) does or says something very fucked up which causes a big fight -> they separate again -> some shenanigans happen and they are obrigated to work together again -> forgiveness or semi-forgiveness ensues -> part ways again -> cross paths again either intentionally or by accident -> repeat cicle again.

Eventually, Artemis and Bizarro return, but their character design is worse, like way worse, especially Artemis's that is just atrocious, being that she went from a well built muscly woman with a one piece suit to the super skiny woman that looks like she doesn't have organs in her abdomen wearing a top, because why not....

The relationships and dynamics between the main trio became weird and boring. Especially between Artemis and Jason, and Bizarro kinda gets ignored until he leaves to become king of the underworld, lol. Oh, and then Jason and Artemis kiss, reach the conclusion they think of each other as brothers rather than lovers (even if they fucking kissed a lot of times at that point), and when they part ways they are both sappy because "they know that what they said to each other then is not true but cannot be together" type bullshit... and like, what?? - i am gonna be honest, at first, ya know in the first 25 miracle issues, a romantic relationship between the 2 seemed sweet and okay, i actually liked it, even if they were kinda doing the "will they, won't they" thing, and honestly, i wouldn't even have been mad if they reached the conclusion that they work better in a platonic relationship than a romantic one, even if they still have romantic feelings for each other. But not the weird ass bullshit the writer pulled with this...

And the time Jason was solo was just mediocre story after mediocre story, uffff.

So, Jay finally kinda gets his own book (even if they technically aren't, as they are team-up books, but they are the closest thing to a Jason Todd solo book as we can get...), only for both to end up being awful for the most part... if only DC gave Jason a better writer. Like, thank everything that most probably Lobdell is never gonna be his writer again, but that doesn't necessarely mean that other writers that followed did him any better.

**Also,, what is somehow even worse is that these books are the ones that popularized in fandom this idea that "everytime a character is paired up with Jason in a Hero Team, they get ruined by him", which makes the dislike for Scott Lobdell and his writing even worse because this man just managed to ruin everything!!

DC is trying to reintegrate Jason into the Batfam - which is something good and could be interesting, but there are some things that are kinda bad/tiring about how they are going about it:

In the New-52 and Rebirth, DC redeemed Jason, thou with the New-52 it was kinda weird because they didn't exactly redeem the Jason that we knew at the end of Post-crisis, but a more "tone down" version of him, since they decided to change most of the characters' backstories in this new universe. And i can understand why DC did this especially for Jason, considering that by that point Post-crisis Jason has gone a little bit too far, to suddently begin a redemption arc with all the baggage "villain" Jason had. So, they basically started over, erasing all the Post-crisis Jason stories except for UTRH, and changed his backstory. One example of one of these changes, was that they retconned Lost Days and changed that part of Jason's story to him training not just with Talia in the League of Assassins but also with the All-Caste, being that Talia guided Jason to the All-Caste to protect him from her father. And then his redemption comes when, after UTRH, instead of Jason doing all the horrible things he did by the end of Post-crisis, he started working with the Batfam sometimes, even if he still did his vigilante anti-hero business mostly alone, and even if Batman didn't aprove of it and Jay's methods, and so, this is where the "Jason is an on and off member of the Batfam" thing started. And then the redemption continued with Jay founding the Outlaws with Arsenal and Starfire, starting working more with the batkids (even if they still were at odds with each other), appeared everytime there was an emergency,etc.

But, as most know, the New-52 has a lot of writing problems, especially considering that Jay and the Outlaws have Scott Lobdell as their main writer. The thing here, that is pretty frustating, is that these ideas with Jason had the potencial to be great,, i mean i do like that Jay got to redeem himself and get closer to his family, but it feels cheap, especially because, for example, DC really thought that in order for Jason to have, at least, a good relationship with Tim, they first had to completely erase the close relationship that Tim and Dick had as brothers (and don't get me started on Cass and what they did do her during this time)... because why not? i guess the Batkids are only allowed to get along with one sibling at a time now,, especially considering that the New-52 was the one that started the idea in fandom that Jason is Tim's favourite and Damian is Dick's favourite, and so Dick and Tim's brothers relationship is left in the wind to be obliterated.

And then, DC rebooted again, and continued with the redemption path for Jason in Rebirth, which was, like i said before, interesting, but then they kinda ruined it. Also, both in the New-52 and part of Rebirth Jason suffered from this limbo of "being or not being part of the family". And is especially frustating with the ever repetitive conflict that Jason and Bruce have. Like,, it does have some good moments and ideas, but the problem is that after a while they kinda become pretty repetitive with each story of Rebirth.... so, like, it would be nice if DC did something more to advance their characters' development and relationships, just saying... also, so much wasted potential with most of the ideas they bring up,, DC why don't you go with your ideas to the fullest instead of constantly keeping your characters in some kind of limbo, uffff.

Robin Jason flashbacks from the New-52 and Rebirth always being under the shadow of his death:

So, i did mention this in passing before, aka that i am tired of seeing DC canon in more recent comics only show Robin Jason as angry and violent. But the thing is,, i don't think they shouldn't show angry Robin Jason at all, they can obviously show that. But the problem is that they never focus on any other characteristics of Robin Jason. Like, even if the kid was angry and violent, that wasn't all that he was, he was also happy, he was also sad, he was also insecure, he also loved his family a lot,,, plus he wasn't angry just because of "teen angst" or "teen disagreements with Bruce", he was angry because of the injustices he and his parents went through and that other people keep going through in Gotham City. And i think it's also obvious at this point that Jason's anger and violent actions were just a protection mechanism he developed to protect himself on the streets and from his trauma. So like, DC should really tone down on bringing up Jason's anger so much, because he is not the "angry Robin", that is not all he is or ever was. Or, ya know, at least they could stop acting as if Jason being angry is just "senseless"/exaggerated.

And we all know at this point that DC does these "angry and violent Robin Jason" flashbacks because they always write with Jay's tragic ending in mind. Everything about Jason since he died, is about his death and only that, even if he has a lot of other more interesting things to explore and deal with than the trauma from his death and his shitty relationship with Bruce.

Jason just cannot have or keep close positive relationships:

It's just the fact that DC really has a problem in establishing Jay into some closer and definitive relationships, other than always having a "up and down" relationship with Bruce. Like, the Outlaws (aside from being ruined by writing), after they decide to eventually separate their ways, aren't put together anymore, for better or for worse, with the Batkids it's just the "we check on you only when something happens and we need your help or there is the possibility that you are going to go too far on a solo mission, aka if you go back into your killing and violence". And for the rest, even including his Robin years, he is mostly isolated from other people, especially people that belong to "his group" aka people of his age, background, generation, with same philosophy, etc. Just like,, why is this boy so alone,, wasn’t he suffered enough on his own?

Fandom also gives me a headache sometimes

Jason being either a feminist or a misogynist:

I am gonna be direct and say that the "Jason is misogynistic because he hurt Mia Dearden/other girls or women" and "Jason always drinks his respect women juice" crowds are weird and make no sense. And also kinda wrong (imo)... and why do i say this...

Well, the "Jason is a feminist/drinks his respect women juice" belief comes from the fact that Jay, at least as Robin, tended to get defensive of women when they were insulted and/or abused, especially when they were so by men, and because of the love he was for both his moms and the relationship and respect he has for Talia. Now, the thing is, this and other examples such as "how he showed respect for Onyx in UTRH because he worked with her and didn't underestimate her as an opponent, and helped her after he incapacitated her", isn't necessarely feminist, i would mostly call it respectively basic respect for other people, caring about vulnerable women because he is a good kid and a hero and because situations where women are suffering at the hands of men bring up his trauma from growing up with an abusive dad that especially hurt his mom, and not underestimating any opponent you come accross because in vigilantism and the world they live in anyone and anything can be quite dangerous if you are unprepared. So, in other words, Jay is a decent human being (even at his worst) that cares about the well being of others, especially people in vulnerable groups such as abused women, but he doesn't have any beliefs or actions that, imo, "make him feminist". Or an outstanding feminist, especially when other characters, that are both heroes and villains, have shown this type of behaviour towards women. Thou,, and i am about to kinda contradict myself,, just reading Jason's Post-crisis stories until UTRH, saying that Jason is a feminist/cares about women being hurt by men is valid, and especially as he is shown to have empathy towards the victims he encounters,, and even more than Bruce was ever shown to have to this type of victims... so that is an interesting and valid point, imo. So, it seems like a weird limbo that is somehow made worse by RHATO's writing bacause ya know, Lobdell,... but ya, i don't think calling Jason a feminist is that wrong either, maybe it depends on the writing you pick, because, ya know, he really has inconsistent writing (the pain of loving Jason Todd T-T).

The "Jason is a misogynist" side believe this because Jay was had many times, especially by the end of Post-crisis when he kinda went too much off the rails in his "crazy villain persona", hurt and insulted women. Which valid, i guess, some can interpret some of his actions and statements during this time as sexist towards women... but the thing is, or actually 2:

Writers projecting their own prejudices towards women through Jason, like for example in how he behaved towards Donna in Countdown. But in that event everyone was pretty ooc, the story was very long and a mess, and Jay during this time was written as being an ass to anything and anyone, so...

Most of the times Jason fought a woman/girl it had nothing to do with them being women - actually if Jason fighting, hurting, insulting and causing trauma and/or awekening past trauma into other characters is misogynistic, then when he does it to boys/men (like he did to Bruce, Dick, Tim, Oliver, etc.), does that mean he is being a misandrist?? Like, what kind of logic is that? - what Jason is actually doing through his horrible actions is getting revenge and spreading on to others his trauma, his pain and suffering. Is he right in doing it, especially to characters he barelly knows and have nothing to do with his pain, such as Mia, Onyx and even Tim and the Titans? Fuck no! But he is not a misogynist through these actions, sorry to say this, but i really don't think he is.

Saying that Jason doesn't care about either women and/or children:

This is a tricky one... and that is because i, and many other fans for that matter, said/say that Jason doesn't necessarely have a "special care for women and children" in a sense. But like i said before he does care, a lot. And it's always nice when we have stories where he is shown doing that (Like in Urban Legends: Cheer and Task Force Z, even if these stories have other problems..), because certain writers (like Winick and Lobdell) kinda forgot about this side of Jason. Jason cares!!!! He cares!! And that is important to point out about Jason because, while, like i said before, this is not a "special/unique" characteristic of Jay like some fans make it out to be, it is important and special for just Jason as a character because he was been protrayed as uncaring, an ass and outright villain before, and, unfortunatly, that protrayal is the one that is the most present in most people's minds (mostly because of the popularity of the story UTRH). So ya, even if Jason did hurt people that didn't deserve it at all and that make part of the group of women and children, that doesn't completely erase or contradict the fact that Jason cares and wants to help (plus reasons i said before like shitty writing that makes no sense and that the people he attacked could still defend themselves or had the capacity to, so like he didn't hurt or go after civilians, ya know. Again, it doesn't justify or make it less of an evil what he did to those people, even if they are trained heroes, but it's also not something that invalidates the statement "Jason cares about people" - it's about nuance). Also,, even if i said that perhaps, by how Jay was written sometimes, that "he doesn't have a special mission in protecting women and children", he actually does, but he isn't shown doing that directly, as he is mostly shown just killing and/or beating the guys that hurt women and children,, which i think is what, paired up with him hurting characters like Mia Dearden, Tim Drake and Damian Wayne, and this hurting actually being depicted directly on panel,, leads other fans to find it "unbelievable that Jay actually gives a damn about women and children when he did this to this specific women/girls and children".

Making people that like Jason or want to defend Jason or discuss his wrong doings feel as being held at gunpoint because people aren't allowed share their opinion either against him, favouring him or even a balance of both (this applies to all fans, including Jason Todd fans, obviously):

Okay so... one thing that i noticed is that people cannot seem to be able to have civil discussions about Jason, in a way. Like, no matter what stance people take on the character, there is always someone ready to "shut you up" because they don't agree with your analysis and/or opinion on the character. Also, yes, this happens with fans of other characters too, but, for some reason, Jason is one of those characters that seems to bring up the most heated discussions in DC fandom.

Also, while yes and obviously, people are allowed to and should interact with posts they disagree with and explain why they disagree, there are some people that take it too far. And i also think this problem comes from the fact that people tend to "cherry-pick" the version of the character that they consider canon. For example, there are people that, because they prefer the stories from Post-crisis, the only valid version of the characters for them is that one, other people prefer the New-52 and/or Rebirth, or they actually prefer the headcanons version of the character because canon is too much of a mess to understand. And honestly, i think they are all valid. The problem comes when people seem to not distinguish "serious discussions, analysis and criticisms" of the actual canon and "fun post that can be either based in canon or just headcanon". Plus, not every jab a person does to a character is a serious criticism or an actual critical post about that character, sometimes they are just dumb jokes that actual fans/people that love that character do for fun. Being a fan of a character doesn't mean defending the character 24/7 or that if they make a joke on the expense of that character that they now hate them... like, we are here mostly to have fun with our favourite characters, and that includes making fun of them and their flaws as much as analyzing and defending them. And also, loving a character doesn't mean that you don't see or talk about that character's flaws and mistakes, as they are. Not everything your favourite character does was to have a moral/positive explanation, sometimes characters can just be shitty people and that is fine.

Also, i don't understand why, but some Jason Todd fans literally act as if he is the only character with bad writing, when like all characters have suffered from it. Heck, some characters even outright disapeared for decades at this point, even if they still have fans that talk and make content about them to this day.

And well, if Jay has bad writing that makes no sense for his character, so do other characters as well -> i am specifically pointing this out because sometimes people do bring up certain characters' bad actions from a certain comic where they were written by someone that seems to not know shit about the characters and made horrible decisions such as making them say something misogynist, for e.g. And some of you people really hold on, like, 3 shitty panels from a comic from 2 decades ago to prove "how bad/sexist/racist/etc" a character is, when they are completely ignoring who the writer is, if what that writer wrote makes sense with what is mostly know/established about that character, if it still applies in more recent comics with the most recent version/characterization of the character. Like, i am not saying people cannot talk about these scenes/panels and criticise/complain about them, like they can, everyone can, but first there is the need to make clear the context of the panels, who wrote it/what era is that comic from (sometimes just this explains a lot) and maybe say at the end "thank fuck they don't write that character like that anymore" or something else along those lines - because ya know context matters in this stuff and while, yes, everything that was written and published by DC comics is canon, i think it's also important to understand where the character is at now compared to that "bad writing version of them" and how this "bad version" compares to other writing from the past or same time of that specific comic. Sometimes that "bad version" is just a speck in an ocean of some pretty good or just decent writing of that character.

Jason fans seem to always be arguing and dividing themselves with black and white ideas of how Jason is, and especially on how he was as Robin:

So... just like anything and any other character fandom out there, the fans tend to also separate themselves in groups defined by what they choose to believe about a certain character. Especially with such complicated characters as the ones from comics that have like a billion versions of themselves.

When it comes to Jason, people devide themselves into very specific ways they see him, for e.g. the most known fractions are:

Robin Jason was an innocent happy boy until modern comics came and ruined it by making him angry out of nowhere (which makes no sense when Post-crisis Jason was shown "doing violence" since his introduction. i mean ya, it was in self-defence when he was scared by Batman finding him stealing his car's tires. But like,, sometimes these people act like the mere thought of Jason doing anything violent or being angry is impossible or complete character assassination when it makes sense that Jay would be phycally and emotionally protective of himself with violence and anger due to his trauma, hard time having to survive alone on the streets and dealing emotionally with all he was been through).

Robin Jason was angry and violent 24/7 (okay this is a general exaggeration, but there are people that think that Jay was mostly angry as Robin, when like during his original Post-crisis comic run he had like 4 big "anger and violence" moments and they all had understanding reasons on Jason's part to be angry and become violent with who he did).

The "the fault is on the Lazarus Pit" crowd (or just on anything and anyone else except Jason himself,, which is kinda ironic because Jason in canon, even at his worse, always took responsability for his violent actions, so...).

Jason is the big protector of women and children (i already wrote what i had to write about this).

And like, these examples and many other fractions, aren't wrong about these characterizations, because, yes, these come from canon, but, again, the problem is with people focusing solelly on one of these sets of characterization, to the point where they ignore the other parts of the character - aka they flanderize the character - which is pretty annoying tbh.

DC fans that claim that the only reason Jason is angry when he returns as the Red Hood is because of his death:

First of all, i know that some people just joke about this in the sense that "it is ridiculous that Jason is angry at the world because he died, when so many other characters have been tortured, have died and returned from the dead in the comics, and especially in DC. So, him and his trauma are not that special". And while i get where the joke comes from, and that DC's most recent writing of Jay's trauma just focusing on on his death at the hands of the Joker doesn't help it. But,, Jason's main issues and trauma don't relate that much to his death,, actually it can be argued that since he returned from the dead that he doesn't really care if he dies again. i don't think that "his greateast fear is to die again", as some seem to believe. i said it before and i will say it again,, Jason's trauma relates more to being let down by his loved ones, especially by his parental figures, feeling like he doesn't matter enough to his dad (aka Bruce) and that the systems that hurt him and continue to hurt others are still rolling and going without any significant change. (For not saying that he never, even to this day, got Justice for what Joker did to him,, which is also ironic because, ya know, Batman and DC's stories are all about Justice... i know this is more complex than this, but this is often a point that gets dismissed to a degree in discussions about Jason and why he wants revenge on the Joker and Bruce. It's not about him dying, it's about not having Justice for himself when he has a father figure that could give him that, but as we all know he didn't, at least not how Jason needed/expected it,, and the fact that Joker still keeps hurting people to this day - thou this problem also comes from the fact that for meta reasons, DC cannot kill the Joker to "give Jason some peace", because he is one of the most popular characters, villains and antagonists to Batman, so there is that).

And while, like i wrote before, people are allowed to joke about Jay "being too emotional over dying, when others have died too and haven't done what he did because of it", i think it's also important to understand that, well, that is actually an exaggeration, ya know, reducing/flanderizing Jason to just "a violent crybaby that is angry at the world just because he died", which again, gives a very reduced and wrong idea about the character to people that don't know much about him. Which is kinda ironic, imo, because sometimes the same people that either joke or seriously describe Jason like this will lose their shit on other people's joke posts about the characters they like more, so like??

Just... ya know the saying -> if you are going to joke/shit/criticise/be mad at a character at least do it about stuff they actually did and/or characteristics that are more consistently shown through out their canon writing.

There seems to be a lack of empathy (especially this one)/sympathy towards Jason coming from a meta level (writers and fans) and the in-universe people (aka characters in Jason's story)

i know that this part just by the title alone can come off as a little bit "dumb", because i am basically saying that no one understands Jason Todd,, which is ridiculous because i didn't create him and, tecnically speaking, the ones that know him the most are the people that created him, wrote him and own him, aka DC comics and their writers. Which is funny considering that for the most part of this post and most Jason Todd fans are always criticising and complaining about Jay's writing. But i think that when we say that "no one understands Jason Todd", we tend to refer more to the modern interpretations and writers of the character. Thou, when i say that other characters don't understand Jason in-universe that is totally right.

(Little note here: i am gonna come off as pretty critical of Bruce and his treatment of Jason. Though that doesn't mean that i think Bruce doesn't love his son. Also, Bruce loving Jay doesn't mean he understands his son, and him not understanding his son doesn't mean he doesn't love him. Bruce loves his son, and Jason loves his dad, they love each other a lot... the problem is them misunderstanding each other.)

So,, let's start this section by taking a step back to Post-crisis Robin Jason and keep going from there.

Jason is introduced to us and Batman as a street kid that had "...stones to rip off the Batman´s buggy--". And Jason's first response to seeing Batman is to hit him with the tire iron and run to his hideout. We see he is alone, defensive and that he misses his mother, and he is making everything he can to survive. This is also where we see Jay have a "sense of justice" or at least an understanding that, even if he also steals, there is a difference between him and other people stealing to survive and stealing for more selfish means, like Ma Gunn was doing in Jason's intro story. So, it is made very clear that Jay is not just some punk that enjoys stealing or hurting or seeing people being wronged and used, like the boys that were sent to Ma Gunn's school were (which fair, included Jason at the time, but he didn't have that much of a hard time running from her. For not saying that when he did he still thought by himself to go after her, when he could have just taken his new stolen tire and simply go home, without returning to help Batman). Then he is taken in by Bruce and he is happy being Robin and staying with Bruce for quite a while.

But... the lack of empathy already begins to show through Bruce, that doesn't seem to wrap his head around what Jason needs to heal from his trauma, and comes off more as patronizing when he "teaches Jason about how to do Justice in their Unjust world", which comes off as even worse when you think about the fact that he is telling that to a kid that was seen and lived those injustices practically since day one. And that is because Bruce cannot get out of his own vision of justice and of healing after a traumatic experience. And especially because Bruce doesn't seem to grasp that Jason's trauma is based on a lot of more difficult and traumatic moments than just having a single defining traumatic moment that changed his path in life forever in a big way, like it happened to Bruce and Dick when their parents died (i know that Bruce and Dick suffered through other traumatic events after their parents' deaths and especially as vigilantes, but the point i am trying to make is that, after becoming heroes and having dealt with their biggest trauma through finding ways to do Justice, they eventually "got used" in how to deal with current and future traumatic events, while Jason as just a 12-year-old kid went through too many traumatic things at such a very young age which compiled into his overall trauma, so it's not just dealing with one single defining moment of trauma, it's a colection of more of those from even before Jay became Robin - and that's what Bruce seemed to miss - also, that not everyone is gonna deal with their trauma, even if it is similar, the same way he did, like sometimes he really forgets that, especially when it comes to his children). But,, even with this in mind, i and others actually think that the writing here, including a little after Jay's death, was more sympathetic (at least) towards Jay's situation than next comics and writers were - and that is because at least, originally, despite Bruce lacking some understanding in how to help Jason, he actually did try with Jay and there wasn't that much villainization of Jay's behaviour, either coming from the writing or from Bruce himself,, considering that, at least, Bruce blames himself for Jason's death instead of the blame being put on Jay completely, and Bruce did try to understand and help Jay before, even if he took a while to "try to do something" and he still failed his son. Thou, there is also a disregard towards Jay's situation coming from other characters as well, such as when the Titans, that together with Bruce, would say things that compared Jason to Dick, and obviously more in the sense of "Dick was amazing, hopeful, less angry, etc., than you are as Robin", which obviously contributed to Jason's insecurities.

And while previous writing of the characters makes them "miss the mark" in understanding Jason,, which can just be seen as a character flaw and a indicator of the fact that the Heroes that existed and that Jay encountered at that time just didn't have similar experiences to Jay to make it easier to understand him and that they all were being kinda "narrow minded" because they missed when their friend, Dick, was Robin,, at least the writing of the story and certain parallels between Jason and some victims he and Bruce encountered did give some validity to how Jason feels.

Then Jay dies, the story when Bruce "beats himself" over Jason's death passes, which fine, quite valid, the characters need to move on. But... the next Post-crisis writers decided to turn Jay from a tragic and misfortunate story to a cautionary tale - and this is where the victim blaming of Jason Todd starts to happen.

So, from this point on the writing starts to look at Jason more as a failure that all young heroes need to avoid becoming. Then this is made even worse when Tim Drake comes around, as the new and cooler Robin that is also more relatable, with some comparisons and jokes made at the expense of Jason and his tragedy, which makes the perception of Jason as a failure even worse. Like, DC was really so stupid that they thought that putting emphansis on Tim's perspective on a kid that he knows next to nothing about was the best and correct way to look at Jason in their overall writing... they didn't even try in making other characters that actually knew Jason, like Dick and Bruce, correct Tim on his assumptions - and why is that?? Well, obviously, because DC really wanted to drive home to the readers that Jason was the "bad angry Robin that got himself killed because of his recklessness"... like it can even be said that Tim showed more respect to Jason's Robin memorial than he did Jason as a person. And while Tim making wrong and bad assumptions about Jay is okay, and again, something that can be seen as a character flaw to explore,, the fact that the writers just chose to reinforce Tim's vision of Jason through other characters is just so stupid and makes it look like no one really knew or even cared about Jason Todd, because they needed to focus on "Jason being the bad Robin" narrative. And again,, the fact that characters that knew and were close to Jason, aka Bruce, Alfred and Dick, didn't correct Tim and contributed, and might even given this idea since the begining to Tim viewing Jason as being too "angry and reckless" and that this is what got him killed, could have been used to explore this flawed vision of Jason that these characters had of him as something that was the result of grief, and perhaps of denial that they failed him (especially in Bruce's case that was there when Jay died)... but naw DC just decided to make everyone seem like assholes towards Jay's memory, a 15-year-old kid that died trying to save his mother (which wow, how tf did no one realize how this came accross when DC wrote and published this...).

Thou, as ironic as it might sound, after Jay digs himself out of his grave (because this poor boy can never have any rest) and spends one year in a coma and then waking up and walking catatonic through the streets of Gotham all alone for almost another year, the person that ends up showing him the most understanding is Talia al Ghul, even if at first she might have just cared about her own plans. So, she is the one that shows and gives affection to Jason, trains him and actually gives him the tools to start his path of healing, even if it is filled with more violence than ever before and revenge. And this is where Jason is finally able to "let loose" to show the world his anger towards it's injustice, where he goes after horrible people that hurt innocents and ends their torture of others once and for all, and he actually gets to show and tell Bruce and the Heroes that they failed him and that their methods might not be as good/effective as they think.

But, this is where people also start (both writers and especially readers) not liking Jason even more or to outright hating him, which fair, he did do some actions towards certain people that, no matter how you look at it, always will be wrong and outright horrible. Which might turn Jason into a little bit of an hypocrite himself, just like Bruce and other Heroes. And while it's not a problem, at all, to critique Jason’s actions when he returned as the Red Hood, this is often used to downplay or outright dismiss Jason’s pain and at least the sympathy that he should still have (or even actually have to begin with) from the writers, audience and in-universe characters. Even as he redeems himself and shows regrets about his actions that he did during his worse time, in more recent stories, people will never forget or forgive and stop holding over his character what a "horrible person he is for his mistakes", even if in the real world it was been 12 years since he started his redemption and in-universe, for a couple of years (at least around 2 years, not sure because comics timelines and ages are a mess, but for quite sometime now either way) he has been putting in the effort to respect his father's wishes and become a "better vigilante" that doesn't kill.

But either way it is put,, Jay doesn't seem to have the right to be right in any capacity anymore, to have valid reasons to still be mad but move on from it just being about his death, and going back to being about the other trauma he went through, which almost everyone seems to have forgotten about, especially because the newest writers or DC superiors forgot about it or outright erased it. So, the parts that gave a "clear reason" to feel for and understand Jason were thrown out of the window so they could just make a back and forth between Jay and Batman, where Bruce is mostly the one in the right, despite being the one that failed so many times at helping his son, and a lot of times being the one that caused Jay more pain than anything or anyone else.

And, honestly, the people that use the "Pit Madness" excuse/explanation aren't giving Jason understanding either, they are just giving him an out so the character can be "redeemed" without actually having anything to redeem himself for,, after all it isn't his fault, so why would he need to take responsability or have a valid reason to do what he did, he simply doesn't have a reason, it's just the Pit controling him and his anger or something. Like a puppet... which comes off more as "fake sympathy" because these people seem to only be capable to empathize/sympathise with Jay if he wasn't in control of his violent actions.

Also, maybe he doesn't need/deserve to be forgiven for the way he hurt people that didn't deserve it (such as Mia, Onyx and Tim), but he does deserve at least some understanding, and understanding doesn't mean you agree to his methods, to how he went about "warning Batman and the Hero community of their errors". And it's a damn shame that this seems to be a hard concept for some writers and fans to grasp.

Plus, it's also such a shame that nowadays writing decided to "corrupt" the little that Jay had as Robin by painting him as an angry and violent punk with no good reasons for why he is like he is. Where is that understanding for that kid that went through such a hard life, that just continued and continues to give him nothing but hardships and pain.

So,, i just wanted to conclude that i think Jason had enough of people (both in meta and in-universe) only painting him as if he is "one of the worst people there was/is", that he deserved the pain he went through, claiming that he had no way to have it better, when that couldn't be further from the truth, if he was properly given the chance to grow out of the cycle of violence and pain, that he still wasn’t fully able to move away from even to this day.

Ending my headaches with this post

Generally, i think it's so funny to think about how much our generation gets attached to fictional characters in such a personal way. And while it is valid to feel and express either positive or negative feelings towards a character and their actions, i think that these need to be more balanced and about things that are true about the character, aka coming from canon, as much as canon gives us so many shitty ideas and some really questionable writing choices. Like, at this point i am so tired that DC keeps doing this to Jay... DC, just please make up your mind once and for all in either or not you want Jay to be part of the Batfam and give him something else to do besides always being at odds with his family and going back and forth in working with and not working with them... just find some basic consistency with him, we ain't asking for much.

And again, just because i love Jason and i did defend him more than criticised him during this post, that doesn't mean that i agree or defend everything he did and/or believed/believes in,, i just enjoy his character and some stories (or really the potential that he had/has) and to discuss about it. But sometimes the writing and some fan opinions really annoy me so much, so i feel the need to camplain about them... so, this is why i made this rant on Jason Todd, one of my favourite characters, despite all the shit he gets.

Anyway,, thanks for coming and reading another one of my Jason Todd rants.

#jason todd #robin #red hood #dc critical #fandom critical #dc meta #dc comics #dc #alexa talks here

[nicomrade]

so i reread the scott pilgrim comics this week for the first time since 2019? lots of stuff happened in my life in-between + i learned to actually like, pay attention when reading so this specific reread felt really important to me- the issue of reading it in french for the first time aside. heres some misc thoughts i had while reading! some of this stuff is drawing from conversations about the comics ive had with people over the years, i dont mean to break any new ground here, and i dont have a specific lense to look at the comics through so its not structured like analysis either. full thoughts under the cut! i hope you all like going on this little trip with me ^-^

so first of, the X motif! this i KNOW i saw someone else talk about. it comes up first on scott's jacket with the X-men patch (and it comes up again in that context- "then wolverine is crucified on a big X") and also on knives' scott-shrine, her dad slashes an X over scott's picture. these are the two biggest exemples but there really are Xs constantly in the imagerie of the comics, which is great and i love. the comic is about fighting ramona's exs, and this is foreshadowing that scott himself will be one, but its also generally about the baggage that comes with existing. at its core its really comics about dealing with whats over, so we get into scotts relationships w envy & kim & knives (& ramona), but we also get into his relationship with lisa (what couldve been) we also see him move flats (the end of an era!), in volume 1 scott tells knives about the house he grew up in that now belongs to another family, scott breaking his bass & no longer being in a band, etc. theres sooooo many flashback sequences in these comics and references to the past… its all about the X.!

loosely related in the foreshadowing department there are genuinely so many background details of stories about people who dont matter to the comics that foreshadow later developments. the details of why Crash & the Boys changed drummers is straight up the dynamics of Clash at Demonhead, theres the Lucas Lee movie on the BG thats visually identical to scotts memory of when he got with kim- and the reveal that the lady in that movie wasnt dead is arguably foreshadowing for scott reviving in volume 6? if you know whats happening in the story, rereading the volumes really is so rewarding. it also helps on a first read cause unconsciously its not the first time you're hearing about these ideas so theyre easier to digest & accept. this is also what the character explicitely referencing what will happen later is for- "i wonder how the Boys & Crash can do music without instruments- maybe it will be relevant later in the evening" "i'd need a deus ex machina to beat todd", these help you accept when these things do seemingly "come out of nowhere" later in the scene (and poke cheerful fun at it lol these are fun comics)

a personal fave of mine is the phrase "read the comic sometime" thats repeated in the early volumes at characters who werent there for something. its 4th-wall breaking, its fun, it nicely tells lost readers where to head to without re-dumping exposition, AND it helps keep track of who was where for what scenes … stuff like "when did stacey & ramona become friends??" or "i cant believe this is stacey & neils first meeting!" or "wallace was already introduced to ramona earlier" … its all fun and helps you stay on the ride. i think this is why i would read the comics back to back to back to back and retained very little. its easy to passively read these comics and its not a bad thing! though it is better to actively read them, and take these notes as fun jokes & reminders, and not life boats.

the 4th wall breaks are also great for the side characters having their own lives in the background. there are a lot more time indications in scott pilgrim than i remembered, if youre paying attention i think its really really easy to have a nice timeline in your head. but when stuff is broken to scott its not "i started dating mobile during X month" or "i came out X months ago" its "i started dating mobile during volume 3" and "i came out during volume 5" that way the reader can more easily relate it to the story that was happening at the time- and to keep in mind during a volume reread. its not a writing technique for EVERY comic, but its something that scott pilgrim gets to have BECAUSE its a comic- and unapologetically so! this is not a work that wants to be more novel than graphic to be taken seriously. its a comic, and its silly, and its also a work of art, and you have to respect it on its own terms.

theres also, uhm, ill be quick on this point cause its kind of weird how lesbians/sapphics are handled in the comics. its not BAD but theres clearly a bias towards male homosexuality being fleshed out and lesbianism not so much. but so the start of volume 4 is when kim & knives make out and it really starts this obsession in scott about this thing he cannot tell anyone about but is still thinking about, that prepares for roxies introduction- ramonas ex girlfriend. that i believe is also when wallace first asks if scotts broken out the "L-word" yet and it gives more context to scott assuming its lesbians? and him then going all "why does everyone keep asking me about lesbians!" but it is also kind of weird re: lesbian fetishism (which IS pointed out with scotts weird poster that no one likes but thats it). and all that with ZERO canon lesbians! roxie is pretty bi-coded i would say with her insistance on being "HALF-ninja", but ramona is described as an american ninja in the early volumes so its kind of loose. idk its weird and i like to think julie came out as a lesbian cause stephen & her being a comphet4comphet couple is really good to me

a thing id never noticed before is that julie was suspecting stephen of having views on knives during volume 4? and its why she was so shitty to knives for a while there, and then its "worked out" at the end of the volume. this feeds into the constant fear of cheating during the story, theres of course todd & scott who do cheat, but also more grey areas of relationships. im thinking of ramonas anxieties around lisa, and when scott finds out roxie stayed over at ramona's. about stephen too, his response to julie apologizing for being jealous of knives is very… uncomfortable

"i have nothing to fear!" "right yeah..." surely because hes starting to realize hes gay, and possibly because he's already vaguely started seeing joseph. we dont get more details on his relationships i am not going to accuse him of cheating LOL. i truly dont care. but its an anxiety that comes up again and again whenever relationships are starting to turn sour- "are they cheating?" and having been in my 20s for a little bit yeah i get it. scott not telling ramona about his job- not telling her much of ANYTHING during vol 4- and ramona not sharing much either are also part of this. theres a reason all of this happens in volume 4, and next volume ramona finds out scott cheated on knives with her. loss of intimacy and the breakdown of dialogue is all part of cheating anxieties, whether there is actual cheating or not. "what do i not know? what else are they keeping from me? they dont talk to me but they talk to them? are they cheating on me?"

theres a really neat thing the comics do to show the breakdown of scott and ramona's relationship in volume 5 and its the scene where ramona goes shopping and scott tags along. she spends it not saying anything (until she tells scott she doesnt even like his band) and scott obsessively talking about his comics (X-men!) while she doesnt look particularly interested.

this is the scene where scott breaks up with knives again!!! the roles are reversed, scott is now the one talking about whatever while his girlfriend's unresponsive, and obviously ramona doesn't break up with him here and there, and they dont kiss in a goodwill, but the ressemblance is there. and like with the knives breakup scene, we have a good date variant of this! its their very first date from the first volume where scott does mostly talk about himself but ramona is having fun joking with him. here we are shown their relationship slowly crumbling and it lays the ground for ramona leaving at the end of the volume.

similarly to how scott battles all of ramonas evil exs (himself included), ramona does face all of scott's own exs. its not as spectacular but we see her fight knives in volume 2, then she fights envy in volume 3. we also have her comment on kim that she does like her (same with lisa, who is not strictly an ex but emotionally is treated as such. especially with how scott sleeping over at lisa's is paralleled with roxie sleeping over at ramona's) these are not comments she makes about stephen or julie, for exemple, its specifically women who had a close relationship with him. and uhm ramona also comments on liking wallace who- again- is not STRICLY an ex, but hes also part of that volume 4 cheating anxieties conversation, wallaces incessant flirting, mobile himself jokes (?) about finding wallace in the arms of another man, etc. but most convincingly to ME because we are talking about EXs here is the flashback of wallace inviting himself at scotts house being identical to lisas scene of inviting herself at scotts, scott saying the story of how he ended up living with wallace is "somewhat gay", and the general college flashbacks.

i think this points to scott & wallace having briefly dated in the past, or (because hes paralleled with lisa) having a "what couldve been" relationship where they didnt make anything of it and now the time window's passed and emotionally? kind of feels like an ex. and if anything they ARE ex-roommates lol. this is not a scollace truthing thing, im a firm mobillace guy ok -_- im just saying its there. back to the point of ramona facing scott's exs as well, YES i am including herself in it. her going to the wilderness during vol6 parallels scott going to the countryside, the very place he faces negascott properly. and the way ramona talks when she comes back its easy to see that she did face herself on that trip. & the figurines agree with me that the idea of a negaramona does exist :)

thats more or less all i had in mind, i also feel like i was finally able to properly enjoy the themes of the comics of facing your own shittiness and doing better, of the harms of being stuck in your own head, of never ending up like gideon (who is so attached to his exs that he literally cryogenizes them!) the warning of rewriting your own memories (or at least biased recollections of it) uhm how breakups suck! and how cheating is not always black & white but also fucking sucks !! being out of school (wanting to go back to school?) and looking for jobs- and yes if scotts life had a face i would punch it too its literally unfair how easily everything goes for him on that front, even freeloading with wallace (<- jealous). envys obsession with a guy who is so obviously shitty but who shes been best friends with since they were 11 is also kind of… ooh i get it now…. its yeah. i think they really are comics for being in your 20s, a lot about dating? but its so generally about human relationships and dealing with your baggage, i think it is still relatable without the specific romantic relationship experience.? i love these comics. everyone read scott pilgrim if you havent in a while (or ever!!!!) and try to think a little about it as you read it really is so worthwhile. and if anything theyre insanely funny, and wallace is there!

#scott pilgrim #scott pilgrim vs the world #scott pilgrim meta #spvtw #that is all ill tag ^-^ this is mostly for myself

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

My dcla relatives ocs and headcanons about who's related to who

Cause I don't just have next gen ocs, I also have some ocs for relatives they have. Many of them do not have names yet, but I may have some ideas of who they are. Also, this will also not only have ocs, but also other characters that I think might be related to them.

Camila has four younger sisters: Eva and Ada (they are not ocs but you know, they are def her sisters, born 1998), Lola (Born 2001) and Lili (born 2009)

Since Ámbar is adopted, her biological family very unknown, and I'd like to believe she has a younger sister somewhere from her biological dad's side... I have not decided if this sister is gonna be Isadora from Netflix's Elite, or a brand new oc lol. I also have this idea that her biological dad has slept with a lot of women and thus have these fatherless children all around the world. Let's be glad Ámbar has mommy issues and not daddy issues and never craved to know who her dad was, or else she'd open a whole can there. It would be very interesting for this girl to do a dna test someday.

Angie is second cousins with Caterina from Entrelazados. Caterina's grandmother has two siblings, one of the siblings are the grandparent of Maria and Angie, and the other is the grandparent of Sharon and Lili. Which, yes, means Violetta and Luna are distantly related. Although, Angie is only aware of Caterina as their families were slightly closer. Thank you Entrelazados for having like every dcla actor in one show so I can make all of this up!!

Continuing with the dcla and d+la connections... Luna is distantly related to Lupe (and thus also Pipe) from Siempre fui yo. Maybe second or third cousin, but they do share a great grandparent down the line.

Simón is first cousins with Morgan from Papás por encargo, and Leon is first cousins with Miguel from the same show :)

Gregorio and Rey are twins. Their uncle is Franco from Entrelazados.

Federico and Matteo are half siblings. They have the same dad, who left Fede's mom. He has never told Matteo about his previous relationship. One day the half brothers are gonna reunite.

Juliana is sisters with Alice from Bia.

Simón also has one older sister (born 1995), one younger brother (born 2001) and two younger sisters (born 2006) and I don't have any names for them yet. But they are there.

Ramiro has two older half siblings, a brother (born 1996) and a sister (born 1997). He also has a younger half brother on his dad's side (born 2002) and a half sister on his mother's side (born 2005). Also, he has a stepsister (born 2001) and a stepbrother (born 2007). So yeah, he has a giant family.

Jim has an older sister named Julia (born 1998), and Aillén from Bia is her younger cousin.

Jazmin has a younger sister (born 2008) that she wants to mentor in fashion and makeup to, but her sister isn't too interested.

Yam has two younger brothers: Manny (born 2004) and David (born 2007). She also has a cousin (born 1999) that she looks up to a lot, though I have not gotten a name for her just yet.

Delfi has a younger brother (born 2004) and she finds him really annoying, but she loves him too.

Maxi has a younger brother (born 1997), which he mentioned having in the pilot.

#violetta #soy luna #disney bia

[kakksart]

Thank you so much for the tag Misty!🥹🩵 I’ll definitely be joining!

-vent?

╰ ✦ ・⎯⎯・⎯⎯・꒷꒦︶︶꒷︶꒦ ♡ˎˊ˗

The characters I kin are.. -

╰ ✦ ・⎯⎯・⎯⎯・꒷꒦︶︶꒷︶꒦ ♡ˎˊ˗

Rengoku: I’ve had some problems with my father. It was never the best and he was always wasted. He sometimes hurt people I loved and at some points me. I always tried my best to be happy and ignore what he did to me and my family. He always left us and came back to just hurt us. Don’t worry, I’m fine.

╰ ✦ ・⎯⎯・⎯⎯・꒷꒦︶︶꒷︶꒦ ♡ˎˊ˗

Shinobu: I’ve always had some anger pent up that I’ve still never got to release. It was mostly because of the stuff I’ve been through throughout my life. Even tho the anger I have is still there, I’ve been trying my hardest not to let it out on others and I’ve been trying to be kind and nice to others. I like to help others when they need it and I want to be a family doctor. Just like Shinobu is a doctor but for the demon slayer corps.<3

╰ ✦ ・⎯⎯・⎯⎯・꒷꒦︶︶꒷︶꒦ ♡ˎˊ˗

Muichiro: I’ve always had some issues as a child, as you can see. Muichiro’s past is sort of like mine but not really. Like how Muichiro lost his family I kind of lost mine. My family has never been complete entirely which has sort of broke me. I’ve always been blunt and honest with others, even if it hurts them. Im not that great at showing my emotions and at some points I sort of.. force them? But some people do bring them out and I’m so glad I met them. Almost like when Muichiro met Tanjiro.

╰ ✦ ・⎯⎯・⎯⎯・꒷꒦︶︶꒷︶꒦ ♡ˎˊ˗

Mitsuri: I’ve always told myself that I eat a lot. Which is true. I feel like I overeat myself because it’s like stress eating. I do stress about a lot of things and I overthink. I’m very easy to break when it comes to things like sadness or anxiety. I cry very easily when it comes to certain things, even small things. I think I’m too annoying sometimes and I even get body shamed sometimes. I’ve changed myself at some points just for others because I feel like I won’t get accepted. I’ve found some ways to accept myself tho so don’t worry about it!🩷

╰ ✦ ・⎯⎯・⎯⎯・꒷꒦︶︶꒷︶꒦ ♡ˎˊ˗

Extra : - Tanjiro : Just an extra one I wanted to add! I’ve always tried to help others and make people happy. Sometimes it’s worked sometimes it hasn’t. I help others but sometimes I don’t get any myself. If you think about it, Tanjiro sometimes bottles stuff up. That’s something that’s probably relatable to others, including me. I’m so happy I have the privilege and opportunity to help others and my heart bursts from happiness to see others happy knowing it was caused by me.

End : Sorry, that was a bit of a vent lol! But guys don’t worry about anything^^ I’m alright.

Seriously though, thank you for the tag!

Tags: @ta-ni-ya , @no---username , @valartsstuff , @sakurasunkiss 💗 , @wissywise . - You don’t have to join if you don’t want to! All alright!<3

╰ ✦ ・⎯⎯・⎯⎯・꒷꒦︶︶꒷︶꒦ ♡ˎˊ˗

#kny #demon slayer #joining #mitsuri kanroji #demon slayer mitsuri #kimetsu mitsuri #kny mitsuri #mitsuri icons #kimetsu anime #anime #rengoku kyōjurō #demon slayer rengoku #kimetsu rengoku #kny rengoku #kimetsu muichiro #demon slayer muichiro #kny muichiro #muichiro icons #rengoku icons #kimetsu shinobu #shinobu kocho #kny shinobu #demon slayer shinobu #tanjiro kamado #kimetsu tanjiro #demon slayer tanjiro #tanjiro kny #tanjiro kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba rengoku #relatable

[clobertina]

Whose is going to need the most therapy at the end of Talltale?

Prepare this is a lengthy one lol

Chara/CC. 1000%. it's not even close lol

If I explained it all, this post would probably be twice as long LOL. And that's saying a lot.

But besides them, I might say Gaster? (although it's completely deserved on his part unlike the rest of the cast...)

He is constantly haunted by horrific hallucinations of Chara/CC all the time after The Incident. Hallucinations that are filled to the brim with body horror and stuff.

(Whether or not his hallucinations where caused by his guilt, the substance, or even a mix of both is completely up for interpretation btw)

But as for characters who are undeserving of what they got besides Chara, I'd say Frisk.

Frisk is probably the most obvious and more likely candidate. Canonically, they are supposed to have many similarities and mental issues to Chara/CC in order to make Frisk's eventual WANT of saving Chara more impactful and plausible due to them both having a sense of relatability to eachother, especially as Frisk is pretty much the only one to be able to understand them to a degree.

You see, the player is actually a part of the lore. To parallel Chara once again, the player acts like a voice in Frisk's head much like Crimson is to CC; except the player is not malevolent like Crimson or benevolent like Hope, but rather neutral and ignorant. After completing Neutral, Frisk grows a lot of distain towards the player, whether the player guided them in the right direction or not. Which is a factor on why in Pacifist, the more you go through the route, the more Frisk starts acting on their own and making their own decisions, even choosing to save Chara without any want or need of the players help or control at the very end.

I mention that because having the Player as a voice in your head would guarantee to strain their mental health. Especially in Genocide. Where Frisk is basically like UT Chara, where the Player influences Frisk into thinking what they are doing is right etc. They even question the player out right at times "are you sure?" When you choose to do something terrible in the early stages of the route. There's also even a point in Pacifist Route where Frisk breaks down from the stress of having the Player constantly influencing them, even if the player had good intentions or not.

There's also the fact they grew up in foster care for most of their life. Being treated terribly the whole time. To the point when they finally get adopted they run away and they fall into the underground despite their new family loving them. (Frisk missing their adoptive parents are a part of their character arc btw)

And the cherry on top, Frisk is constantly attacked and always in danger. They have to constantly deal with Vengeful Spirits after them, wildlife constantly trying to kill them, and I don't think I have to explain how traumatic CC can be towards them lol. In CC's battle in Pacifist when CC becomes a god, they canonically end up killing Frisk over and over and over... So yeah... I think Frisk might need the most therapy besides Chara lol

#undertale #undertale au #talltale #undertale aus #Talltale lore #lore

[chewwypepsicola]

ASKING YOU ABOUT YOUR AVA/AVM HEADCANONS!! I'D LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT THEM

I AM ABOUT TO GO CRAZY IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT...

okay lets start with just my hollowhead hcs brace yourselves i wrote a lot

SECOND/ORANGE: Second isn't actually all that fond of being called TSC he prefers to just be refered to as Orange since that way he feels less like the odd one out of the color gang, he already has enough w his big ass head! So he def prefers that name over his actual name, think of it like a nickname ! Another one, he has no idea of what he is capable of. LIKE. in AvA 5 showdown he gets his shit rocked and then unlocks his inheret hollowhead OP powers right? here's the thing, what if, while all of that was happening, he's completely unconscious and going on auto pilot? Not only does he pass out again and then wake up confused and in disbelief at seeing his friends alive but he is also very confused as to why Chosen bowed to him! He has no clue that it was *HIM* who saved the day and defeated Dark !! RAAHH !! That why we never see him use his powers again (at least fully, or conscious lol) Cause in ep 16 note block battle he had just woken up and in his half-sleep state he went there just to shut his friends up and go back to bed, in my heart of hearts the fuckin uh energy wave he produced wasnt even a conscious action!! And speaking of his sleeping habits, i think its pretty interesting to see him sleeping so much, i either think it has relation to his powers (even if showdown came after we started to see him sleeping constantly) just for the lols. Another one is that he's just narcoleptic haha

CHOSEN/TCO: Fucked up little guy he's poprtrayed as cool and level headed and serious by the fandom but all i can think of is back to him first being given his name and deciding to instantly break stuff and cause trouble, he is a menace!! I hc that he is angry a lot of the time, he's just a silent-rage type of guy, easily irritable and impatient, probably sarcastic and to-the-point when he talks I think he also sleeps a lot, like Second, but in his case he's just depressed el o el, he is also haunted by memories of his time being used by Alan/Creator as an AdBlocker cause that sure had to leave sequels, so he is depressed and thus sleeps a lot but then has terrible nightmares about being a prisoner and thus doesnt sleep but then gets tired and has to sleep a lot and then its just a terrible terrible cycle- He has decided to move on and "forgive" Creator but he still needs to go to therapy tbh One more for him is that he is both very caring to Orange and very scared of him. HEAR ME OUT, Chosen knows what this kid is capable of, he knows that Second doesnt know, and decides to keep it that way for both of their sakes. STILL, even if he is very intimidated by what his little brother can do he still cares for him and looks after him the way he wishes he would have been looked after, even if Orange already has a loving support system in the color gang Chosen tends to go out of his way to check on him, i think that Chosen yearning for family is fucked up and in character since he was the first one to get severly punished by their Creator and even if Orange doesnt need a loving caring family (he already has one) he's gonna give it to him godddammit !! (for both of them)

DARK/TDL: MY BABYGIRL oh god ohhh god Okay so to start off, middle-child syndrome. Lots of insecurities and issues with identity and finding out who he is and what is his purpose. Simple one: i think the bracelets he made to enhance his powers are now imposible to take off and got broken so badly that his powers are now nonexistent (or at least suuuperrr weak) cause of them malfuctioning. His insecurities come from being literally the weakest of the HollowHeads, imagine being one out of three inherently superpowerful (and probably inmortal!) beings in the world and then not even coming close to defeat either of them on your own. FUCKED UP! And we know he is aware of this cause he makes all of this technology to enhance his strength and be able to stand on the same ground as Chosen. He only won his second fight w Chosen cause of his gadgets and his bots. And even with those he got easily defeated by Second. In showdown, if we become a little bit crazy, you can interpret his desperation to kill Second as Fear. The moment he thinks Second is down he goes and tries to get his plan into motion cause who fuckin knows what might happen next . And, as he feared. Orange beats him up and all that he worked for is gone in seconds! And im not saying that him making all of those bots and killing innocent sticks cause they were in his way is okay DEF NOT but i think i can see where it comes from Here come in play his issues with identity, since being given a name he was going to be Chosen antithesis, the one to defeat him and forever be enemies, but he lost, and instead of finding doom at the hands of Chosen or at the hands of the Creator, he finds companionship and a brother in Chosen, both of them break out of what they were supposed to be and run away after causing a mess. Again mentioning how Chosen is the more destructive/chaotic one, i think that Dark held onto that and decided alright! this is me now! Just like him! Destructive. He makes that his entire personality and goal since he doesnt actually have any other. He was given a mission which was to destroy Chosen, he failed, and then he got a new mission, destroy Alan's PC, and then he, didnt have anything, just chosen, so he kept on destroying stuff, thats what they both did! And then, against his given interpretation of being a destroyer. he created something, he made viruses and bots yes, but he MADE them, he made himself something to be stronger, he had a plan that he was genuelly excited to show Chosen, like, "Look! I can get us revenge on the Creator, for what he did to you! For what he did to us!" ITS JUST SO. BITTERSWEET TO ME,, that when he thinks hes doing something by his own free will he's meet with rejection and told to stop, so thats why he sticks to it, he goes thru with his plan and decides hes not going to follow orders around anymore, this is what he is this is what he wants, he wants revenge, he wants to make the person that hurt him HURT. its so.... OUGH And then of course it doesnt work as he wanted. he loses yet another battle and is left alone to put himself back together, it makes me so so so sad to think about him badly injured and having to pick himself up and just. move on. In my perfect world after Showdown Chosen goes to look for Dark and they slowly but surely start to rebuild their relationship again.

ALRIGHT thats all i got now MAN i really have a lot of thoughts on this HJDASFHJSDHJF THANK YOU FOR ASKING DEAR ANON U MEAN THE WORLD TO ME, HAVE TINY DARK DOODLE <3 hes showing u the blueprints for his next project

#ene answers #ene does art #the dark lord #animation vs animator #ava #the second coming #the chosen one #TDL #TSC #TCO #please please keep sending me inboxes about any of the stickmen i am so insane about avm/ava #fuck it ava/avm request are available too

[ssaalexblake]

It's really common to see criticism against 13 in how she's passive, especially related to the Timeless Child (i.e. the Master making the discovery, Swarm killing Tecteun, not having memories of the past so she isn't held accountable for her past actions). Just missing the point of how maybe she having agency removed by others might be the point and I guess, sorry the Doctor didn't commit matricide on national television?

acknowledging that 13's having her agency removed was on purpose would require being willing to accept that the timeless child story is a critique of imperialism and colonization, and of how people use and abuse refugees and erase them from cultural history. Or possibly just people managing to even Realise this all, never mind accept it.

Like, yeah, sorry, she has no control over these things that were done/are being done to her, there is a reason for this. Like portraying her value and right to know these things Anyway. Like how she's a whole complete person deserving of respect despite not knowing. The story says she has a right to own her own past, but it's not callous enough to imply she was lesser When she didn't have it. Those without agency are not lesser. Cough. Bit of a point, that.

But also, i'd raise the point that the idea of having and using whatever agency you Do have Inside of oppressive systems and situations is a massive theme here. 13 may not have a lot of agency, but she sure as hell isn't Passive. Passive is sitting around waiting for things to happen To you, that is not the doctor. If nothing else, they tend to run away at top speed to avoid things rather than let them happen. 13 is never Passive. Having things happen To you doesn't make you passive, like? You Can be passive in these situations, but this is not even close to a foregone conclusion. 13 seeks out answers, a lot! Ask Yaz, she'll tell you how much she wanted to stranger her for not being transparent about what she was looking for. It's canon that 13's Actions drove Tecteun's, making the doctor the first domino (like, I mean from a cold sequence of events kind of way. It was Not 13's fault that Tecteun did this, but she Did cause Tecteun to act).

(also, lol, Karvanista would have Loved if 13were passive. No Such Luck.)

But yeah, anyway, agency In systems that try to strip it from you is a ~thing here that holds hands with the anti-imperialism themes. Fugitive!Doctor did not have the agency to do much of anything but she ran far far away. She could do that even if she couldn't get out of division by being allowed to just leave. Vinder (the doctor metaphor) exercises his agency in an oppressive military state by simply reporting what his leader did that was wrong. He couldn't stop him, but he could sure as hell stand up for his principles despite what it cost him. That is a use of the agency he Did have in a system designed to strip it all away from him.

In reality, we All live in systems we can't escape. We all live at the mercy of the actions of those around us. That doesn't mean we are entirely helpless or totally powerless. A small action in response is an action we chose based upon the options we had regardless.

So yes. The lack of agency is a plot thing. I respect that female characters not having agency in fiction simply because it never occurred to the writers to give it to them is a Massive issue, but this isn't that.

And yeah, sure, Matricide. Obvs what we want on our little family show??? I think maybe we should just realise that the doctor was not going to kill Tecteun. Swarm did not kill tecteun Instead of 13. The doctor is many things, but somebody who just kills somebody in front of them because of what they did to them? No. Swarm happened to kill Tecteun, there is no indication that he stole some kind of kill shot from the doctor because the doctor was not, actually, attempting to kill her herself! As much as i'd sympathise with a game of who gets to Tecteun, this scene was Not that.

Also... Uh, even aside from the above, how was 13 going to kill Tecteun? Swarm's whammy meant no regeneration, 13 doesn't possess that kind of permanent kill shot.

And honestly. Whatever, You wanted 13 to find out about this on her own? Fine, whatever, but that's a preference not a critique. Personally I think it'd be hard to find a way for her to find this out through a sequence of events entirely based upon her own control. She was running from her past and from Gallifrey, she was not going to find this out without somebody else telling her? She's not the master who Would go digging through the matrix for sheer funsies and nosiness. Or possibly boredom. If the doctor is bored or nosey they go meet strangers.

So yeah, she had little agency in certain areas. It's because she's representing a subset of people whose agency has been stripped from them. That's kind of the point!!!

#sapphichymns #dw shit #this probably makes no sense but Oh Well #and... i'm not sure if you meant #hold Tecteun accountable or the doctor #which... #i am Troubled if it's option two #but it wouldn't surprise me #dw meta #kinda #not sure it hits the scale but w/e #i wrote a whole answer out for this last night but didn't post #glad i didn't bc it made zero sense lol

[allaboardthevespa]

Dumping my Gabby HCs because she's my comfort character

Her full name is Gabriella Helena Myszka.

Growing up her family moved around in Poland a lot. Usually to cities, but Gabby always liked hanging out in parks and forests when she could. It’s how she grew to love nature.

When her family eventually decided to move overseas to Canada, she cried a lot because Poland felt like a comfy, safe place to her. Of course she’s glad it happened now. Even back in Poland she struggled making friends, and meeting Ellie truly changed her world for the better

Given her mental health struggles, issues with making friends and familial neglect, she’s developed a very bad tendency to have nightmares frequently. This decreased when she met Ellie, but she still has them on occasions. (I wrote a whole fanfic about this after all)

Her favorite artists include Girl in Red, Cavetown, Billie Eilish (she definitely cries to “happier than ever”) and Folklore/Evermore era Taylor Swift. Though Ellie's getting her into Dashboard Confessional yes this is me projecting

Along with a love of all animals, her nature-loving personality gives her a real soft spot for flowers. I’ve mentioned before that tulips and hyacinths are among her favorites, but she likes flowers in general. Especially of the fragrant variety. There’s not much that brings her more peace and happiness than breathing the sweet scent of her favorite flowers – and she loves wearing flower crowns too.

She’s pretty emotional and tends to cry easily. For example, one time she ended up watching Where the Red Fern Grows with some other people and she was so completely emotionally broken by it that she was left crying for hours on end.

Is incredibly touch-starved and often asks Ellie to give her hugs and cuddles because man she needs them

Is extremely ticklish and loves being tickled. Pretty much always loses the tickle-fights between her and Ellie too, lol (pretty sure it’s on purpose)

GIANT Bluey fan. Loves Puffin Rock and Elinor Wonders Why as well

She generally prefers rural, less crowded areas to big busy areas. Being in a busy city for too long (especially away from area) causes her panic attacks relatable. She much prefers staying in the warmth of nature, with her closest friends accompanying her

Her favorite Pokemon include Butterfree, Meganium, Sawsbuck, and Meowscarada hmm, I wonder what her favorite type is

She’s always really wanted a dog. Her dad is allergic and mean, though

Big advocate for supporting small businesses. Unless they cut down a bunch of trees to put up a store lol

Can sing but it depends on the situation. When she’s quiet she sings really well, when she’s loud…windows will shatter

Owns mountains of stuffed animals. Her favorite being a pink crab Squishmallow who she’s named Sherbert

Gets very competitive when playing board/video games!

After watching season 2 of DC her favorite characters ended up being Kai, Maggy, Tess and Lake (and she had something of a love-hate thing towards Karol lol)

Enjoys all weather. Loves to go out and dance in the rain. Tends to get sick as a result but she doesn’t care, it’s fun and besides, now she has Ellie to look after her!

Would love to live in a peaceful cabin deep in a beautiful nature-y place with her beloved Ellie someday.

#disventure camp #disventure camp gabby #(ft some ellie) #ellabby #headcanons #comfort character #god i just wanna be her friend so badly??? #if all-stars happens i BETTER see her make friends with lake #go listen to “stolen” by dashboard confessional btw #HUGE ellabby anthem right there

[kudzucataclysm]

i'm very new here, would it be okay to ask of you to infodump about "dez"? they seem very blorbo material and i'm curious :3 (if not i'll totes understand if you wanna keep things hush-hush due to spoilers lol)

OFC ILL INFODUMP ABT DEZ DEAR ANON HE'S MY BOY

his names Desmond O. Arkady and he’s the main protag of SE and is…tbh the only normal person out of the entire cast. he’s just a normal superpower-less kid who gets involved in world altering events on accident becuz everyone else is mean to him and likes using him cuz he craves validation and can’t say no :( unfortunately for all the ppl who like pushing him around, he’s got extremely serious, repressed anger issues (due to his dad's emotional/verbal abuse and his mom abandoning the family) and is eventually pushed beyond his breaking point which at some point involves making a nuclear bomb so. good work guys-

he’s also super fucking smart and loves everything to do with science even tho he isn’t too good at math. he excels at biology and chemistry and likes to take home dead animals to cut open and look at. he also practices necromancy- he’s a distinguished little victor frankenstein just. one who doesn’t steal dead bodies v-v he particularly likes reviving dead cats (one of which becomes a supporting character at a later point) but other than natural sciences he's pretty adept at taking things apart and putting them back together. he can look at a radio and know exactly how it works and what the components are that make it function. he also loves fun facts and will randomly drop them on people, especially morbid ones that he finds 'funny and interesting' but isnt to others :( so while he's pretty intelligent he doesnt do well socially which resulted in him being bullied VERY badly when he was younger but he tries to take everything in stride....even tho he almost drowned once becuz of it and one other time almost beat someone unconscious during one of his 'rage blackouts' (he definitely fucking cried for like 3 days straight after that even tho he doesnt rmm)

while relatively normal he’s related to like, arguably the most powerful person in the world which is something he’s super unaware of. he’s the heir to a shit ton of scientific endeavors and intended future owner of ALL ANDROIDS. but again he’s unaware of this so when “certain things” tend to happen to him or around him he just tends to brush it off and doesn’t think it concerns him. the person who he’s related to, Lupe, is struggling to get into contact with him cuz 10 years ago she astral projected so hard she caused her subconscious (i’m not explaining) to time travel so. she’s just been in a coma for a long while annnnd she very much might never wake up again so OH WELL looks like her TRILLION DOLLAR FORTUNE is just in fucking limbo for now >:/

hmm what else..very much a people pleaser, he's got this really weird inclination to freak the fuck out if he thinks people don't like him- he also ignores a lot of his feelings?? like if he feels anything intense other than happiness he's prone to crying fits and throwing up which his bodyguard francis thinks is INSANE and STUPID. despite ppl treating him like shit he's genuinely a very hopeful person and loves the world and everything that takes up space in it. like he tries to and does see the good in everything and while the events of the story kinda wear down on him he ultimately doesn't think humanity or Martiankind deserves pain and/or suffering; he persistently keeps a strong sense of justice/morality and thinks that anyone or anything is ultimately capable of good.

hrrrrm thats all i can seem to say off the top of my head for now...anyway yeah he's literally the best :3 like out of the entire cast of SE he's definitely the guy the root for imo v-v

waaaa but tysm for the q

#kudzu responds #the grey face #BEST BOY #HES NUMBER 1 #oc talk

[makemycitybreak]

i saw some of your posts so i'ma comment on them real quick because idk, i wanna talk lol

skins was honestly such a big comfort for me but for some reason i couldn't really get past the 2nd season because at a certain point, i just stopped getting attached to the newer characters. cassie and effy will always have a place in my heart though. they just like me fr. also, i kinda felt like it started to go down hill at that point as well because, like you mentioned, the whole skins giving gay people stalkers thing with maxxie and sketch... like i feel like stalkers definitely are a big issue or whatever, but that entire situation and the episode that mostly focused on sketch was just extremely uncomfortable and felt highly unnecessary? like i know they're hard on all of the characters, but it just didn't seem like it fit in with the rest of the show despite there being frequent dark themes.

i love listening to, like, rich failsons talk about their drama and i absolutely adore shows that are like... dramas about elite students or whatever. i don't know, it's just very entertaining lmao

Yes thank u I love this I'm gonna answer to you now yes cool

1. Yeah honestly the first two seasons are the best the characters are more relatable and like more lovable honestly also kinda more diverse(?? I think?? Or I guess that depends) and like I especially like Cassie she is me honestly I relate to her on another level. I've seen 3 ½ seasons so I wouldn't know all ofc but yeah. On the stalker thing I just feel like its so odd bc maybe its just me but like who knows anyone who has been actually stalked?? Or now that I think about it I do know some people but that was literally in elementary school so... and not to spoil but in season four there is a girl that gets like obsessed with Naomi (who is a gay character) and it's a small thing but like after doing that with Maxxie in season 2 its just weird. Maxxies was weirder tho and like creepy like it made me so uncomfortable and it didn't really link with the other characters in ANY WAY. it was just weird. Like is that how you think queer people work?? Cause wtf u know

2. Yess I love watching these kids its so funny and like interesting for some reason cause their drama just seems so much bigger cause they have their whole like family line behind them lol. Also in like my specific case with the tiktoks its so funny cause some of them have the funniest last names ever think like royal last names like the ones in Frozen the disney movie literally and everyone in the comments are like "damn what in the lastname" and "where is this school I need a new jacket". Also just rich kids amuse me for no reason. I'm not even poor but they always think they're like middle-class its hilarious lol