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cyncity2000 · 2 years

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heartbreakordeath's (unnecessarily long) Bastille Fic Masterlist

Hello! I decided to make a comprehensive (probably too comprehensive lol) list of all the bas fic I’ve posted to my ao3. I figured because some of them lack context due to inside jokes, etc, that it might be a fun way to waste some time and yell about my writing some more 🤪

Long post so everything is below the cut :)

Dan/Kyle

Series: wwcomms, soundtracked by hdyfn?

note: It’s hard to explain unless you’re familiar with the AU, so feel free to dm me for extra info if you’d like to get into it but are confused by the concept :)

1. every word i'm screaming is another going unreceived

The first in my WWCOMMS series! Inspired by “Bad Dreams” by Joywave. Introduces the universe of WWCOMMS and most of the characters involved.

Words: 3590, Oneshot, Status: Complete

Rating: T for swears & dark themes

Warnings: N/A

2. next to somebody new (don't wanna ever wake up)

The second installment in my WWCOMMS series, inspired by “Somebody New” by Joywave. Picks up right where the first left off, focusing less on the worldbuilding and more on Kyle’s Retuning and his complicated relationship with Dan.

Words: 3427, Oneshot, Complete

Rating: T for swears & dark themes

Warnings: N/A

3. now that the deed is done

Third installment in my WWCOMMS series, inspired by “Now” by Joywave. Bit of a time skip from the last fic, with a bit more of the canon-typical action & violence i’ve seen in most fics in this ‘verse! This one’s a bit more complicated so hopefully it’s easy enough to follow. Apologies for the cliffhanger 🤪 I promise I know where it’s going but not sure when I’ll be able to write it.

Words: 4214, Oneshot, Complete

Rating: T for swears, dark themes, and non-graphic violence

Warnings: TW: Blood

~~~

‘cause the devil’s got my arms

My attempt at a Bastille fic heavily inspired by Supernatural (aka Bastillenatural), which unfortunately has had me in a death grip for the past…4 years maybe? It’s based on the concept of the “demon deal” from spn, where a character trades their soul in exchange for whatever they desire. They have 10 years to live after they make the deal, and then the demon comes to kill them and drag their soul to hell <3 nice light stuff here. Inspired by the random thought I had: what if Bastille got so popular so quickly because they made a deal? It is a Very Strange mix of crack and angst. Gift for @goodlesson <3

Words: 3784, Oneshot, Complete

Rating: T for swears & dark themes

Warnings: very minor non-con moment in the 2nd section, also just like. demonic possession, dan facing his death, etc. i promise it isn’t as horrible as it sounds???

one more slide (and then we're back to real life)

the iconic (jkjk) magic tour bus fic! the summary has a link to the Distraction Tactics episode this was inspired by, but long story short, it’s a multi-chaptered fic based very loosely on Howl’s Moving Castle. Basically, the door to their tour bus is a magic portal. Dan finds out about this. Kyle also finds out about this. chaos ensues. Set vaguely in Wild World era. Unlike bastillenatural, it sounds like crack, but actually has a whole serious plot arc bc i do love some Drama every once in a while !

Words: 16274 (my doc is currently sitting at just above 30k words- roughly halfway done with this monster), Chaptered (posted: 13/?, written: 18/?), In Progress

Rating: T, this thing is pretty wholesome tbh

Warnings: N/A

Dan/Charlie

Series: like the world is watching

1. Like The World is Watching

My first ever bastille fic! This was written near the beginning of lockdown and took me less than a week to finish, which is the first and probably only time that has Ever happened to me with a fic. It’s the first Big fic I’ve ever finished, really?? which is Crazy to think about. Anyways, it’s a canon-compliant story about Charlie joining the band, complete with lots of drama as he navigates his role as a touring member and tries to figure out what the fuck is going on between him and Dan. Spans the time between the Wild World and Doom Days eras.

Words: 13215, Chaptered (16/16), Complete

Rating: T

Warnings: N/A

2. fall into the night with you

Timestamp #1 for LTWIW. Takes place in 2017 after the events of the fic, written & posted literally a Day after I finished the og fic lol. Just some Very Soft fluff & minor drama related to Dan’s inability to work social media <3

Words: 440, Oneshot, Complete

Rating: G

Warnings: N/A

3. 'cause even there in a room full of faces (all I saw was you and I)

Timestamp #2 for LTWIW. Also takes place in 2017 after the events of LTWIW, either before or after the first timestamp, idfk. Just more shameless fluff bc WHY NOT. Charlie has a solo gig. Dan tags along :)

Words: 1291, Oneshot, Complete

Rating: G

Warnings: N/A

4. back into the easy days

Another timestamp written ages ago that I decided to finally stick on AO3. Just fills in a bit of the ending more since it felt a bit rushed when I wrote the original fic :)

Words: 1018, Oneshot, Complete

Rating: T

Warnings: N/A

~~~

Inescapable You

The first of MANY uni AUs!! In which Charlie is a uni student, and obsessed with that one random mysterious guy he sees everywhere on campus. Just a (hopefully) fun, humorous & cute lil story featuring Charlie & Dan as Complete Disasters (but what else is new!). Don’t think I specified a time in this one, but I imagined them how they both looked circa 2011ish.

Words: 2363, Oneshot, Complete

Rating: G

Warnings: N/A

so many frights I've known (it's hard to let them go)

A fun lil ficlet inspired by the Many photos of Dan and Charlie on amusement park rides together, and Charlie’s admission that he’s definitely held his friends’ hands on scary rides before :’)

Words: 650, Oneshot, Complete

Rating: G

Warnings: N/A

Series: in your warmth I forget how cold it can be

1. a different chord, but the same refrain

Affectionately known (by like, Only me) as ‘hoodie fic', this is one of my personal favorites :) just some idiots getting drunk on tour, sharing clothes, and figuring out some Feelings. Decent mix of angst and Softness (and i’m not just talkin about the hoodie).

Words: 4509, Chaptered (3/3), Complete

Rating: G

Warnings: N/A

2. easy to be, easy to breathe

Timestamp for “a different chord,” or an epilogue to the fic. Meant to be Soft and lighthearted, it’s a snapshot of their lives after they finally get their heads out of their asses <3

Words: 932, Oneshot, Complete

Rating: G

Warnings: N/A

~~~

there's a fire in your eyes, it's true...

A gift fic for a friend who has since deactivated her ao3, this is a lowkey-abandoned WIP that I still hope to finish someday because I was actually a big fan of the concept :(( features Uber driver!Dan, a bit of a coffee shop and also uni AU, and a very sleepy & probably drunk Charlie who ends up in the backseat of an attractive stranger’s Uber. As usual, chaos ensues (or it would, if I ever finished this).

Words: 1882, Chaptered (1/?), In Progress

Rating: T

Warnings: N/A

life in stop motion

Not gonna lie, this is another one of my favorites! I think it could’ve done with some changes, but I think it’s the fic I’m the most proud of :’) it’s an Immortal!Dan and Immortal! Ralph AU- they’re not vampires but more like…ancient gods who have, over the centuries, lost/forgotten their old power and slowly became more adjusted to life among humans. They decide in this story to spend some time at uni, making this Also a uni AU (can you tell I love those?) featuring clueless mortal uni student!Charlie.

Words: 4413, Oneshot, Complete (but always open to a sequel at some point)

Rating: T

Warnings: N/A

say something (it's only a matter of time)

Another gift fic I wrote with the friend who has since deactivated- you can probably tell which parts are hers because they’re AMAZING <3333 I’d say the majority is her work, so if it seems very different from my other fics that’s why :) yet another uni AU, featuring some parts from Luna’s POV (yes, the dog,,, trust me on this okay) and the two of them being complete idiots as per usual. Sort of written backwards, if that makes sense? It begins at the end!

Words: 2229, Chaptered (1/?), In Progress/Abandoned

Rating: T

Warnings: N/A

when it ends, don't wanna let you know

Another of my favorites!! just some shameless fluff inspired by Dan & Charlie’s iconic ~smiley stage shenanigans~ (very aptly coined by @goodlesson) during “Of the Night” in the Doom Days era. Pre-slash. Disclaimer: I unfortunately am not actually a Harry Styles fan, I just stole his lyrics for the gift fic bc its recipient @moonbeanm is a fan :p

Words: 1437, Oneshot, Complete

Rating: G

Warnings: N/A

so i want to fall into your web

Bad news: this one’s abandoned :( it was a joint effort by me and two lovely friends, inspired by this video (because let’s be real, does the beginning not look exactly like a Youtuber’s video intro??)

Good news: we basically manifested Youtuber!Charlie, because with his Patreon updates he’s basically a vlogger now and i’m SO here for it <333 we made this a uni au (shocker!) that takes place in 2009, where Charlie is attempting to make it as a Youtuber and happens to attract the attention of a certain fan: a fellow uni student named (gasp) Dan Smith.

Words: 4236, Chaptered (3/?), In Progress/Abandoned

Rating: T

Warnings: N/A

i said maybe...

a gift fic for written_you_down that was meant to be for last year! i got inspired again after mtv unplugged and decided to come back to this! it's kind of a 5+1 format, with snapshots of moments throughout dan & charlie's lives where they wanted to give up on their dreams of making it as a musician. there's a bit of a twist at the end that i'm Very excited for 👀 and yes. i titled it after wonderwall.

Words: 8907, Chaptered (5/7), In Progress

Rating: G

Warnings: N/A

all your colours start to burn

welp. what can i say about this one. basically just further proof i can't write pwp fics without making them a million words long. based loosely around the summer 2021 festivals & dan and charlie's wygd shenanigans (remember when we thought THAT was a big deal ??? we had nooo idea what the uk tour was gonna bring) and is the first E rated fic i've written fully by myself so yay?

Words: 3817, Oneshot, Completed

Rating: E

Warnings: N/A

tell me you're a book that I misread

another pwp except it's kinda dark and angsty this time and it's basically just enemies AND lovers.

Words: 3,244, Oneshot, Completed

Rating: E

Warnings: mildly dubious consent that honestly has more to do with a power imbalance than anything

wonder if your therapist knows everything about me

dan keeps disappearing, and charlie's the only one who notices. not as angsty as it sounds, more hurt/comfort & fluff and the beginnings of what could be more than friendship.

Words: 1272, Oneshot, Completed

Rating: T

Warnings: N/A

feel like.

my attempt at some sort of indie tour store fic (we're ignoring the fact that it was ages ago at this point). like i said in the ao3 tags, this shit just writes itself, man.

Words: 1630, Chaptered (2/?), In Progress

Rating: G

Warnings: N/A

Misc. (gen fics & other pairings)

we’ll be good in another life

Angst-fest inspired by “Another Place”- a series of alternate timelines. Features a mix of Dan/Charlie and Dan/Kyle depending on the version; there’s 7 in total! Even though it was written way before the show came out, it’s kinda my version of the Marvel show What if…? where every section answers a different question. My questions range anywhere from what if Charlie never joined Bastille? to what if Wild World was never finished?

Words: 3603, Oneshot, Completed (though a sequel at some point is Very likely 👀)

Pairings: Dan/Charlie, Dan/Kyle

Rating: T

Warnings: N/A

'til the morning breaks

The obligatory Doom Days-inspired “end of the world” fic. It’s my fictionalized interpretation of the album’s story arc, I suppose? Stuffed with all the lyrical references I could manage, of course (if it’s not clear, the bit with Dan & two people implied to be Doing Things is inspired by the album cover bc why not). Not the most original of my work, but it was really interesting to write :) prettyyyy sure it’s Not what Dan had in mind while writing the album, though, but who knows 😅

Words: 1517, Oneshot, Complete

Pairings: Dan/Original Characters

Rating: T for drug use i guess (ooo scandalous /j) and implied sexual content

Warnings: N/A

i've got you on a loop, i've got you in my head

Another gift fic for the wonderful @goodlesson ! This one was a fun venture into real rarepair territory, ever since I discovered yet Another perfectly-named ship tag of Peyt’s and decided I Had to write about them at least once. Takes place during Reorchestrated era (2018), when Kyle suddenly and unexpectedly gains the ability to hear Charlie’s thoughts. What chaos will ensue???

Words: 1516, Chaptered (1/2), In Progress (NOT abandoned, I love this fic, I’ll get back to it at some point I promise)

Pairing: Kyle/Charlie

Rating: T

Warnings: N/A

falling.

Now THIS is rarepair territory, friends. This fic is one of only nine in the whole ship tag, can you believe it?? there’s SO much childhood/best-friends-to-lovers potential here, guys, c’mon. I started writing this because I adored Ralph & Dan’s platonic relationship in Who the Fuck is Keith (aka the best bastille fic Ever written, change my mind <3) and felt the urge to emulate/imitate the sort of writing style/general cozy vibe of that fic. I’m not quite sure if I’ve managed that, but in general I’m really happy with it :) I know it’s a strange pairing, but if you’re curious, give it a chance! Actual summary: Dan and Ralph are uni students (yes, again) and old friends, sharing a flat for the school year. Both of them are still recovering from an event that shattered the peace of their lives five years ago. Incredibly domestic, soft, and angsty all in one.

Words: 10305, Chaptered (15/15), Complete

Pairing: Dan/Ralph

Rating: T

Warnings: mentioned in author’s notes to avoid spoilers

you felt right to me

i'm not really sure how to describe this one?? it's my first ever E rated fic (ooo scandalous) and involves past dan/kyle, current dan/charlie, and a kyle who is Very Much not jealous of charlie for taking dan away from him :))))))))

Words: 11475, Chaptered (5/?), In Progress

Pairing: Past Dan/Kyle, Current Dan/Charlie, and (spoilers) eventual Dan/Kyle/Charlie

Rating: E

Warnings: tagged on ao3

[this will be updated whenever i remember to update it]

#my writing #my fics #writing shit #masterlist #magic tour bus adventures #a different chord but the same refrain #long post #jillian go to sleep

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spnasylum · 3 years

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My notes while listening to Misha’s comments on the podcast: (grab a snack!)

In light of the most recent fandom drama I decided to listen to *that* podcast and take notes as I went along about what was actually said and then give my take on it as objectively as possible. This is basically an essay so strap in!

He complains about not getting a trailer on set that’s the same as Jared and Jensen’s. Even though he has one that can accommodate 3 people. This was the first point of discussion inspired by opening up the interview with a brief chat about Misha currently being in his camper van and how he’s sleeping in it even though he’s still home in Bellingham. The whole hour and 26 minutes has an undertone of complaining and ego stroking by all involved.

Says he’s sad he didn’t get to be there for the final days of filming.

Seems a little nervous about if friendships made during the shows run will last now it’s over.

Admits he has no plan in place or anything coming up career wise and he’s unsure of his future. This is where he brings up Walker and The Boys and says if he had shows like that to go to he wouldn’t feel SPN ending was so monumental. It is said with a slight tone of bitterness.

Side note: the hosts Alaina and Malik seem to be fine with running with the narrative that Misha was part of the show it’s entire 15 year run. Misha clears this up eventually by saying he joined in season 4.

Misha says that he realized about six years ago that SPN could run as “we” wanted it to, implying he has any say in keeping the show going or not. He asserts that he would have been on the show up until the very end in any case. But he didn’t feel that way the first few years he was on the show. So that makes me think something or someone involved gave him the feeling he could be confident in being in the cast for however long SPN aired. Maybe this was after Sera left? Maybe this was when he agreed to a significant pay cut and demotion? Either way it seems he felt SPN = job security.

Misha doubts he’ll have the feeling of job security again.

Says from around age 11 he wanted to be a politician.

Says he saw “successful, untalented” actors and decided “I can do that”. He realized that was naive and it’s actually not easy to be that successful and by the time he got his career going he was basically just in it for the fame it’s not anything he took seriously.

We find out his wife did a doctorate in gender history... for some reason.

That Marilyn Monroe was some sort of baseline for him about creating a public persona (🤷🏽‍♀️) except for getting cosmetic surgery he points out.

Talk about how he got started. Acting classes, improve groups. Moving between Chicago, DC and LA.

Discussion about the differences and similarities between Hollywood and Washington.

States he got a consultant to help him cultivate a fan base and image to connect with an audience after getting on SPN. Admits that was a double edged sword because an anonymous public start thinking that they really know you and things start getting weird.

Mentions trying to find a balancing act of being authentic and having a private life but still keeping your fans.

He admits that the fan base he grew for himself by seeming accessible has caused him to attract people who don’t have any boundaries. This is when he claims the “dialing it back” in regard to how much he shares and mentions his kids specifically as something he doesn’t feel comfortable with putting out there. Uses the word “unhinged” to describe them.

Malik mentions “crazy fans” who seem to know too much about you and finding out where you are etc. Using the example of fans turning up at an airport wanting autographs and you wondering how they even knew you’d be there and what flight you taking. He asks Misha to share experiences about his own crazy fans.

This is when Misha uses the example about having fans who think that when he tweets something out he’s communicating with them personally.

Alaina then says that in the Supernatural fandom people fight each other to protect Jared, Jensen and Misha and it’s “very bizarre”. She volunteered that people think Misha secretly hates Jared and that it’s not true. Not sure why she decided to direct the conversation to a place that would cause drama and give Misha a chance to play victim.

And then...

That’s when he claims that he was public enemy number one with super fans of the show because he’s taking attention away from Jared and Jensen.

That’s when he brings up the alleged organized attack to take down his Facebook account. He says they reported him for... *pauses... claims to not know what. But that whatever it was “Facebook bought it and took it down”. Facebook deleted/deactivated his account but he eventually got it back.

Side note: Facebook (like all social media) have always been bias when it comes to people with leftist views and let them have free reign on the platform. So he must have done something that they would decide to suspend him. I don’t think J2 fans can be blamed for the content he posts and if it violated any ToS. As we know he can post some inappropriate things on social media.

He then brings up the allegations of him taking money out of his organization. Stating it’s “categorically untrue” is all he brings forward as evidence to the contrary.

Side note: I don’t know why then that there’s no receipts or transparency. Why is his mother a beneficiary, why do people who mention he owns Stands get blocked, why set everything up in Delaware and have your for profit and so called non profit interests so entangled etc etc) I guess fans are just supposed to have faith and take his word for it.

He says that ALL of them (Jared, Jensen and himself) have people who hate them in the fandom. But overall the fandom is lovely and supportive of the cast and each other. Makes an attempt at stating there’s no kind of competition or animosity between he and Jared. I think this is like the 3rd or 4th time in the interview either he or Alaina bring up Jared but keep the focus on how Misha is the one facing “character assassination.”

Finally says that all of them have nasty things done to them and they all have had to consult security because of threats to their families etc, doesn’t specify which faction of the fandom that’s coming from. Mentions people filing police reports in the fandom but doesn’t say regarding who or what. Alaina reacts like it’s the first time hearing of this happening. Misha just goes “yeah!” Then they move on to talking about living situations.

Apparently Alaina and Misha were neighbors in LA but didn’t take advantage of that. She doesn’t live in LA anyone, wants a new adventure.

Misha mentions Bellingham is another thing about his future he’s unsure about and how his kids flourished there.

Brings up not being present with his kids even when he’s home because of work and side projects and that the one thing he’s enjoying right now it spending time with them. That he used to operate from a place of guilt because his kids felt like they only have one parent. He and Malik briefly spoke on how their careers have negatively affected their love lives.

Misha says he’s not really involved with Random Acts or running it anymore. (Ummm... what)

He and Alaina discuss Haiti and Nicaragua for a while.

Says he may try to get into directing. Says he likes having creative control. Mentions he likes doing his art installations.

Admits that getting a bit of success made him very entitled and wanting of special treatment. But claims he’s trying to keep that in check (where?) and he’s just like everyone else (well duh!). But he “trades on his celebrity” to get stuff and it makes him feel dirty (I think everyone with any kind of following does that though so nbd)

Talk of how TV/film is more diverse in telling minority stories these days.

Was asked by Malik if he has any kind of chip on his shoulder career wise and Misha says the chip on his shoulder is being bored. But says he needs to work on being more engaged.

He then abruptly wants to end the interview. Saying he has to pick up his kids. Malik wants another question. He asks how Misha has been hurt or healed by his career.

Misha then brings up the movie Karla. Again admitting to becoming more like Paul psychologically irl. But says knowing he has that type of evil in him somewhere (and says that we all have that in us) made him more empathetic to the human condition.

They then say their goodbyes. End of interview.

——

My takeaway. The worst thing he can think to say the people who don’t like him in the fandom did was trolling to get his Facebook deactivated? Also that people can see the suspicious nature of his businesses? It would be really easy to settle that with actually being transparent about the finances, which they aren’t and not having close family as benefactors though. Also, I can only speak for myself. But I never hated him. I actually loved Castiel (before his character was there just to be there in recent seasons and Cass wasn’t Cass anymore. I think Misha’s need to pander to shippers/stay on the show was a great disservice to Castiel and his arc) I was a huge Misha fan, and participated in RA and Gish a lot. I absolutely adored Misha, I led myself to believe he was the most amazing person in the world, obviously that’s the reaction he wanted to cultivate from us. Unfortunately I learned too much, experienced first hand and heard too much to be able to keep cheerleading for him. I feel bad for the people still under the spell of feeling like it’s their job to keep being defensive and unreasonably loyal to someone who you can’t and don’t really know and only have a superficial “relationship” with. Seeing the ever more unhealthy and toxic lengths people feel they need to go to to prop up his ego etc. The constant investment emotionally and financially that goes into it and the “sunk cost” if you let reality in makes it hard to let go I guess. Even he knows that what he’s done to gain and maintain relevance has attracted what he called multiple times an unhinged fan base he has to try and balance without losing his influence. I think he maybe had or has good intentions but his fame hungry drive and narcissistic personality traits win out in the end. The Heller’s seem to have, as always, taken what was said and blown it out of proportion, twisted things and created their own narrative. I do see them using key words from the interview a lot suddenly though to bully for him. So, I guess the dog whistle to the sycophants worked out. I hope that a time comes where they can have a more healthy relationship with the media and public figures they choose to gravitate towards. We can all get over zealous with things but there’s lines that shouldn’t be crossed. For some that seems sadly unlikely. I hope that Misha does indeed one day get himself in check as he calls it and I can feel comfortable to support him again. But so long as he’s being enabled and not held accountable again that seems sadly unlikely. Even though I do occasionally find myself being drawn in by the facade again a little and quickly retreating because the issues remain the same. There is a problematic dynamic in the Supernatural fandom for sure. That’s why for a long time I opted out and just watched the show separately from fandom. It’s why when I found out it was ending I had this odd sense of relief I wasn’t expecting to feel and it made me sad. I hope that now the show has aired its finale we can all reflect on things, hopefully be more self aware and objective and most importantly honest about what really has gone down and why. When things started turning sour there have been plenty of times it could have been nipped in the bud yet wasn’t. People who used this silly yet special show in selfish ways, times when walking away would have been better than sticking around trying to make things and people into something never intended to be, giving into tribalism while claiming we’re a family... for that I think we all hold a little piece of responsibility.

You can listen to it yourself on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0m07her5JUf0JGGtDVohtJ?si=c-RdyZzFQmSzffgNzZhkQg

#anti misha #anti misha collins #misha collins #supernatural #fandom #anti destihellers #strap in its a long one again #opinion #trying to be objective #alaina huffman #malik yoba #anti minions #misha #collins

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demenior · 3 years

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Dem’s Big Post About The Spn Fics Part 1/2

aka The Wrap Up to celebrate To Exist Again and To Become a Man now being finished!

(This will be a long post. This is your only warning.)

Admittedly this is a bit of a weird thing to be doing, but I wanted to try it out for 3 reasons:

I love talking about my own work and

It functions really well as a self-reflective tool for me to improve on, and

I can answer some big questions people might have because there was a LOT of worldbuilding in these stories.

We’ll start off with reflective stuff, and move into the juicier world-building focused stuff later into the post. There will be major spoilers for both fics to come!

To begin with a funny anecdote, Why Did I Write These Stories?

I was beginning to write and work out the story that I wanted to write for Spn (what will now be To Destroy a Man. As I was writing the scene, I realized I had a LOT of ideas and while I was trying to avoid as much exposition as I could, it became quickly apparent that I was needing to create my own au (this scene eventually became chapter 34 of To Become a Man). A short prequel seemed like a good idea, to quickly hash out the ‘prior’ events that I needed to go through so all the readers could be on the same page. While plotting out prequel points, I realized Sam and Dean were going to have drastically different experiences during the same time period, and I was trying to figure out who’s pov would be better for which scenes, and how to keep momentum when they’re going through such radically different types of changes. Ultimately I decided to split their povs, which I also thought would be a fun project! And I naively assumed each pov would take about 2 chapters each, rounding out to maybe 15k total.

I had my ending points: Dean n Cas soul-merged and (basically) married, Cas on the lam from heaven and a complete anomaly, and Sam juiced up full of powers and a weird mix of archangel and antichrist but still 100% human and ready to fight God.

Now I needed to add weight to these changes, so I wrote 200k of build-up.

Am I proud of these fics?

OF COURSE I AM!!! These are the longest fics I’ve ever written AND finished AND in the fastest freakin turnaround ever (both were finished writing, barring edits, in like 6 months holy shit)

I didn’t write a single scene that I “didn’t” want to write. If I had trouble writing it, as in it was fighting me, I scrapped it. Most obviously was the scene in Dean’s pov where he and Sam were intended to meet some other hunters and Dean declines working with them because he’s nervous about being outed as queer. It was meant to be a good scene! I wanted to introduce some new characters! But it just wasn’t working so I said ‘thank you, next!’.

But it means this story was an absolute joy to write. Because for a while all I was doing was ‘if I wanted to write one scene into supernatural, what would I write?’ and then just DID that!! It’s why there’s a lot of ‘Salmondean do dumb shit or have really dumb heartfelt conversations’ scenes.

Would I change anything?

If I’d been less eager to start sharing, I might have planned out the story beats a little tighter so there were less ‘soft’ chapters and a draw/pull for people to come back and keep reading. I felt Dean’s story specifically lagged at points and could have used some tighter editing (there was a noticeable lull in directed movement between Dean n Cas getting together, until Sam corrupts Amy).

I also probably would have held Sam’s story until I’d finished Dean’s so I could make the two line up better! Probably could have inserted more scenes into Sam’s fic that way, and made sure things were a little more consistent. In an ideal world one concept I had was to release 1 chapter from each pov every week that would correspond to the same time frame so we’d be getting real-time SalmonDean pov narrative. Unfortunately that didn’t work!

The biggest takeaway overall is for me to focus more on what moves the plot, and to make my scenes do more than 1 thing so I can cut down on wordcount and increase my efficiency.

Of course every writer will find things they want to fix in anything they’ve ever written, so these are minor “mistakes” at best. I’m so dang proud of these fics.

Onto more interesting things!

How Did I Put These Fics Together (because it’s different than anything I’ve ever done before)

Normally when I write a story, I plan out the beats I need to hit, see where I need to insert any kind of foreshadowing/buildup, and then write from A to B to C and so on and so forth. Hence, this is why I can normally post things as I complete chapters, because it’s all a linear progression.

For these two stories, rather than linear plot/a normal story structure, I just sat and free-wrote any and every scene that came to mind and then pieced them into a kinda-linear form like putting a quilt together. You’ll note that this is why there’s not a lot of internal callback or a feeling of sense of time flowing within the fic (save for points where I went back and specifically edited it in). How long does the story take place over? Hard to say! Your author has the barest grasp on linear time even on a good day (how many times did I say ‘see you on [wrong day]’ at the end of chapters lmaaoooo)

This also meant EXTENSIVE editing on the back end once I decided in what order I wanted my ‘quilt pieces’ to be. Hard to say if this is a bonus or a negative!

But I did want to try and capture the vibe of the lives they lead, as a bit of a ‘slice of life’-style story, when the slice of life is the profound weirdness of the Winchester roaming life, and how things are status quo- until everyone almost dies oh shit!! And then they have to keep living because no therapy we die/undie like Winchesters. Do I think I captured this effectively? Hmm. Good question.

Dem where the FUCK did the inspiration for a lot of the magic and creature weirdness even come from?

Honestly? Music, primarily. And completely mishearing lyrics!

Nightwish ‘Ever Dream’: the line is ‘my song can but borrow you grace’ and because my brain is scrambled eggs on a good day, I heard ‘grace’ ‘song’ and ‘borrow’ in that order and have had, for YEARS, the mental image of Cas borrowing Dean’s soul to power himself up for battle.

From there I’ve always been enamored with the ‘wavelength of celestial intent’ descriptor that Cas drops in s6 for “what he is”.

I also really like ocean metaphors mostly because I’ve been obsessed with the ocean and things in it since I was like… 5??? So really this was me just rolling with what I know lmao. I love using (somewhat) accurate scientific metaphors for very intangible things!

I was also finishing my degree in biology/ecology while writing these fics and I think it shows

Stars ‘The Night Starts Here’ gives us the series title and the fic titles. Except for ‘To Exist Again’. TEA was almost titled ‘The Upwards Fall’ because I wanted all 3 of the Main Stories to have titles from this song, but I couldn’t make anything else work in tandem with the series name ‘The Love It Takes’ while also working for Sam’s personal story. So Sam, as always, is the rebel <3

Stars ‘Up In Our Bedroom, After The War’ is basically the vibes of the whole story. TFW has been, literally, to hell and back!!! There’s a bit of melancholy and sadness, a lingering dark, but the chance of a bright new tomorrow and a soft start.

Let’s Talk About Themes in The Story! What were you looking to accomplish?

My earliest notes for TFW are, as follows:

Dean’s journey of self-discovery (who am I when I’m not trying to be Dad?)

Dean wants to settle down! He wants a big family! He wants to be domestic!

Basically: Dean doesn’t want to have a short life of hunting. He wants to live!

Dean’s journey of realizing he’s bi, and him accepting that

Dean’s relationship to Sam is both older brother/parent

And continuing Dean balancing these roles while also letting Sam be an adult

Dean’s Big Issues/Fears about never being good enough for people to want to stay with him (these are effectively highlighted in that Cas thinks he’s not useful enough to be wanted)

Sub Plot:

Castiel’s autonomy

Cas’ fall from grace, to trying to restore Heaven, to wrecking it further

He’s majorly depressed by the end of s7 (before purgatory)

Wants to stay in Purgatory but doesn’t tell Dean

Remains depressed after leaving, but resolved to keep living on because he’s clearly meant for something

After the seraphim reveal: does he have free will?! How does he grapple with this? How does he live in a way he can be proud of?

And lastly

Sam gets his powers back CAUSE THATS HOT

where tf did they go????

he got them from Lucifer?????

sleeper agent??????

Sam is The Chosen One

Accepts that he is More Than Human and to celebrate all parts of him

Lucifer and Sam friends?? Work together????

Sam needs autonomy in his choices/his life

If you compare these to the overall arc of TFW within the two stories, I think I got a lot of them! But you’ll also note a lot of these things aren’t concrete goals that are easily measurable (ex: Dean wants to learn to bake pie. In chapter 1 he starts a fire in the kitchen. By the end of the story he finally makes A Good Pie.) part of the lack of concrete milestones was why I felt it was important to tell Dean (and Cas’) story by going back to the point they meet, in s4! Dean’s gradual change towards his feelings for Cas, his relationship to Sam (heavily influenced by the s7 events of this fic) and then his own relationship with himself were such slow burns that I felt it would be a disservice to try and cram a change like that into a timeline like “1 year”.

I felt like these subtle changes and adjustments actually felt a lot truer to life-- people often change in very small, gradual ways over time, even without realizing it and often times not consistently! If only we could all gain skills like the sims, where we can easily level up and remain at that high level of performance!

So the Guy Who Ate Satan, A Celestial Nuke that Developed Sentience, and Dean walk into a bar…

Sam’s story in Spn The Show has always been a ‘chosen one’ kind of narrative. Sam is living with one foot in the realm of the monsters, and I wanted to bring that back full force! It really makes sense for him that he should only continue to grow in power, might, and magic!! As the story progresses.

Cas also got a power up! I do desperately love in the show that he was kind of a grunt/nothing angel, and so even when he defected to TFW he was a huge help for them, but in the scale of things he was an annoying fly to most other angels. It really worked for the underdog story of s4/5. In this I wanted to give him a power up, and originally it was actually going to be close contact with Sam that eventually changed Cas into something unknown (you can still see traces of this in ch34 of TBAM, where Death remarks ‘Castiel could be [Sam’s] first creation’. But for a combo of reasons: how Sam’s magic needed to have intent, the entire concept of free will and consent, and how much I wanted Dean and Cas to have their effect on each other, I decided to go with the route that Cas has actually always been something angel-adjacent rather than becoming something new. TFW/Supernatural has always been about free will and making your own story, so I amplified that with Cas.

Dean has always been A Normal Guy, which is part of the appeal of him and Sam (2 normal dudes!) taking on the Very Not Normal. As explained above, Sam’s story is ‘normal guy finds out he’s the chosen one’ and so, in a story about very large concepts and huge monsters and acts of magic, I felt it was very important to keep Dean as normal as possible. To the point it became a running gag to me, personally, in that ‘no matter what cool shit happens around him, Dean has to stay as Just A Guy’. And it’s a very humanizing role that allows the story to have the scale it does!

What were the most important themes in your story?

Sam’s Autonomy

I wasn’t even going to include the plot about Lucifer’s death in this story— that was going to come up in a later story, actually! And rather than Sam having ate Lucifer, the original idea was that they’d become a SamandLucifer entity (this harkens back to a concept I wanted to write when Swan Song first aired).

That storyline would have involved a lot of mental ‘Sam and Lucifer discuss what it means to live, which one of them is more worthy of life and if they do deserve to destroy the world for the pain they’ve been forced to go through, just to create the dichotomy of good and evil for everyone else’ discussions. There would be a lot of talk about how Sam hates and fears Lucifer for the pain Lucifer put on Sam, how Lucifer hates Sam because he and Sam are the same but Sam’s brother loves him anyways, etc.

Ultimately that was scrapped because Sam’s entire story in the show is always about how the world and everyone around him manipulates him and that he never actually gets to make choices about his own life or body that aren’t influenced or part of someone elses’ design. And that always bothered me that Sam was never allowed to be himself without having to be ashamed of it, and I wanted to make sure that Sam’s triumph of being proud of himself/proudly choosing to exist (again) was evident in his story

In the end I needed Sam to have this visceral win over his tormentor. As the story shows, in this case Lucifer was abused and put into a position where he was incapable of empathy and could only express himself in violence. Sam even understands this! But it doesn’t change the fact that Lucifer tortured Sam in unimaginable ways for thousands of years.

With that in mind I didn’t like the idea of Lucifer and Sam having “co-ownership” of their new identity, so I made the choice that Sam had to be the survivor. This tied in well with Sam’s new crusade to restore free will to the universe, because he’s breaking the narrative of his own story!

While Castiel wasn’t a pov character, his own autonomy and free will was equally as important. You’ll note that many, many paragraphs and conversations revolved around that theme and that in the end Cas followed himself (and love!) which ensured his freedom of self <3

The Brothers are WEIRD PEOPLE!!!! And Codependent to a Worrying Degree, but It’s Also How They Survive

It’s very hard to show “unusual” relationships when you’re writing from the pov of the two people who don’t think there’s anything weird about their relationship. Sure, they say ‘yeah it’s probably weird that we still share a bed’ but that’s kinda more in line with ‘I had a nightmare and I want to be close to the person who makes me feel safe’. Hashtag normalize co-sleeping when you need it!!!

From there I did try to point out how the boys have a weird perception of lifestyle in the little things they did.

From thrifting everything from clothes to appliances to books (thrifting is a valid lifestyle! It’s incredibly handy when you’re on a budget.)

To never actually having condiments or knowing how to use a dishwasher cause they’ve lived in a car, a motel room, or squatted in old houses their whole life.

I tried to have them wear each others’ clothes or casually swap things as much as possible. They live out of each others’ pockets!

Also the brothers are just weird people!! It’s hard to show from their pov, cause they don’t know how far off from normal they are, but like…

Everything about Sam and Amelia was NOT right like holy shit those two were wilding in their grief. They are very lucky things worked out for them and that they got to be hashtag Weird Girls together

Dean explicitly, in the story, gets horny after killing stuff!! Violence has done a number on his psyche and he’s gotten some wires crossed that maybe shouldn’t have been, or maybe could be worked out in a safe space but… uh… how likely do we think Dean is gonna go find a safe space to deal with any of his shit???

LOVE!!! Love is truly what this whole story is all about

If you’ve read the stories, you know how much emphasis I put on love. Love is the strongest force in the Spn Universe! It’s what averted the apocalypse and saved the world (Swan Song), it’s what created free will (Cas’ entire arc!) I love love!!!!

I went out of my way to not put any definitions on platonic love vs romantic love because I think love is love is love and how you express that is the difference. Neither is more powerful than the other because LOVE is powerful!! Sam and Cas are the most important people in Dean’s life and he loves them equally! He shows this by giving Cas kisses and stealing Sam’s socks.

It’s a personal pet peeve of mine when I have to hear explanations like ‘I love you, like a brother’ or ‘I love you, but like, as a friend because I’m a lesbian and you’re a man’ etc etc in media. If you have to continuously define how your characters love each other, then I don’t think you’re doing a good job of portraying their relationship. So you’ll see that I never put those parameters in any conversation. Dean DOES muse that he loves Cas differently than he loves Sam or Bobby, specifically because there is a romantic and sexual tone that his feelings for Cas takes, but not because he loves Cas more or less than he loves Sam or Bobby.

Which means, if you haven’t realized it yet, the Series + Fic Titles are meant to be a complete sentence because the power of love IS the thesis of this series:

The Love It Takes To Exist Again (Sam’s journey!)

The Love It Takes To Become a Man (Dean’s journey!)

The Love It Takes To Destroy a Man (TBA)

And now for fun stuff. Behind the scenes!!

What’s Something People Probably Don’t Know?

The demonic fungal/hydrothermal vent growth on Sam’s arm was thrown in literally as I was posting the chapter because I had just finished a 48 hour cram session of writing a report on tube worms for an ecology class (I was chanting my tube worm song as I wrote it) and it ended up being a HUGE hit with both readers and myself. But it was so last minute I had trouble fitting it in more throughout the rest of Sam’s story!

Cas’ orders? That may or may not have bound him to Dean and removed his free will? Were written into Sam’s story and I went ‘oh SHIT that’s compelling’ and then left them there as a ‘guess I’ll figure that out when I get to Dean’s story lol’

Originally Dean and Cas were supposed to get together after having their souls bonded, and have been in a UST limbo the entire time before that. Mostly because I think the entire concept of ‘we just got married of the soul I guess we should try dating?’ is very funny. CLEARLY the two of them were way more eager to fall in love than I anticipated (thank you Cas for your honesty) but you can still see shades of this original idea here and there (especially in ch35 of TBAM)

I never intended Dean and Benny to connect so well!! Benny was going to reunite with Andrea, she was going to live, and they were going to go off into the world and leave the story. And, uh, here we are. I’m still debating if I need to adjust the relationship tag or not haha. Polyamory is fun, especially when I was planning for Sam to be the polyamorous brother...

Speaking of, I can’t believe I forgot about Sam and his sexuality! If I rewrote TEA I would have had Sam contemplate more on his lack of sexual appetite due to trauma, up until he meets Benny and he gets to rediscover how he wants to be a sexual person

Many of Sam and Dean’s absolutely stupid sibling conversations were lifted near-verbatim from conversations I’ve had with my siblings

And lastly...

Dem where’s Kevin????????????? Where is our sweet baby boy????????

He’s SAFE!! He’s in the Hunter pipeline somewhere cause Sam handed him off to Bobby’s people. He and his mom are safe and at some point they probably got rib sigils like SalmonDean did against angels, but for demons. I didn’t have room in this story for him!!! But my baby boy is SAFE and I want to get him back to university because it’s WHAT HE DESERVES!!!!

To that point: god there were/are SO many characters that I just didn’t include in the story so far because I didn’t feel comfortable including them without stalling the story for them. To that point: pretty much everyone who is alive/dead in s8 is that way in this story, except Bobby who gets to live.

[Check Out Part 2 for reader questions!]

#the love it takes series #to exist again fic #to become a man fic #dem speaks

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agusvedder · 3 years

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I DON’T CARE if this doesn’t get any notes. I need to vent.

My name is Agustina, I’m 27 years old. I’m a nonbinary, queer, latinx person, parent of a 4 year old, non-verbal authistic child. I suffer from depression and anxiety.

I’m 9 thousand kilometers away from the woman I love.

I’m not a victim. I am a minority. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

I started watching Supernatural in 2015, you know, being a stay-at-home parent, who dropped her career and her job to live the first years of their child, there wasn’t much I could do in my free time but to watch a show. I caught a few episodes of season 11 on tv and then I decided to start from zero. I always acknowledged how problematic it was in terms of representation, but always saw small threads of light filtering in the message it sent, recognizing how its writers were trying to shed a little light, creating a jenga tower of storylines and new characters, only to be thrown away by poor, useless deaths and the erasure of said characters.

Since my first run on season 1 I related to Dean. I saw myself on him. (I will never be as brave and cool as him tho, never ever, but his personality traits, some of his family issues, his self worth issues, his loneliness, his unaddressed childhood trauma, his growth in a circle of violence, his reticence to address his feelings until he explodes?... Yeah. There are days where my girlfriend makes fun of me saying “Ok Dean”). I kept looking up to Dean in his geekiness, in his way he always put his life on the line to protect the people he loves and put them always first… even in the supernatural side of the storyline, he still was profoundly human and abnegated to the people in his life. Also because I’m deeply in love with Castiel but that’s another subject. Thanks to this show, I’ve found people in my own country who now I recognize as my family beyond SPN, who helped me accept myself the way I am, who are always there for me. My found family, my chosen family. Because family don’t end in blood, because family cares about you, not only for what you can do for them, because that’s what all of us have in common, and why this show resonated as strongly as it did for us. That’s why we found each other and ourselves in the process, in a circle of love, support, non-judgement and willingness to find a family in ourselves when our own blood relatives ignored us, abused us, refused to recognize us. We’ve found love and family. I’ve found the woman with whom I wanna spend the rest of my life with because of this show.

That’s the power of this story. I know my small circle is not the only one who lived this, who continues to live it.

I can talk about this forever, but there’s something I wanna talk about specifically here. When the ending aired.. what I felt was… like a bucket of cold water was thrown over my head. You know when your parents come home, or call you and give you the devastating news that someone you love died? that exact feeling. The adrenaline, the heartbreak, the feeling of loss.

The whole season 15 and 15 years of storyline were completely overturned. The misogyny the writers tried so hard to erase, it was there again, in a faceless woman who was supposed to represent the person a lead chose to spend the rest of his life with, reduced to a lilac dress, a blurry face and a uterus. We never seen acknowledged the existence of Eileen Leahy, Sam Winchester’s romantic interest since season 11, his perfect partner whose disability wasn’t an obstacle for her to be a badass hunter. (BUT COVID!! <- No. Eileen Leahy appeared in two episodes this season without Shoshannah being on set: Last Holiday and Despair. If they wanted to include her, they would have. They didn’t because they don’t give a FUCK). Sam Winchester is an academic, a witch, a leader, a powerful hunter, a kind human being, and the ending that was given to him was living an unfulfilled life, dying at a ridiculous young age, having a son only to replace his dead brother? It was sad. Sammy deserved better. He always did.

My beloved Dean Winchester, who I love so deeply, who taught me a lot about myself, about life, love, family, about *ejem* VICIOUS CIRCLES and the power of breaking free from them, of learning to embrace one’s self, our real tastes, our real identity, to come out of a shadow of being reduced to someone’s caretaker instead of having an identity of our own, to spend life loving family the healthy amount.. well, he was killed in a ridiculous way, on a milk run of a hunt. After being eager and ready to kill himself so many times. After all he’s been through, after saying he’s good with who he is, after considering retirement, after standing up to his dad, saying he already has a family, ready to cut the “I’m Okay” bullshit, address his feelings, his trauma, don’t letting those define him. He deserved better. He always wanted a family, he always wanted to break free from the version of himself he was created to be, “daddy’s blunt little instrument” (For fuck’s sake, he even said it in the same show 10’ before dying, man. If we don’t keep living, the sacrifice the people who died for us did, was for nothing). Are you telling me this man really would refuse his brother to call an ambulance? Refused his brother to get the first aid kit even knowing it was more serious than his brother thought? He was ready to live. He CHOSE life, and at the end his choice was stripped away from him. He clearly was a bisexual man and they never explored it.

Cas. The misfit. The fish outside of the water. Ambiguous gender and sexuality. Finally makes a homosexual declaration of love after all he’s been through. After being brainwashed, used, suicidal, isolated. After telling Sam and Dean he loved them more than once, that they meant everything for him. After confessing he’s been in love with Dean since he pulled him out of hell…. Was erased from the story. Erased, literally. Two emotionless mentions aren’t enough for a 12 year old family member who pulled both brothers out of hell, who died for them more than once, who until 2 seasons ago he didn’t even feel like he belonged there ‘cause he was never told he was loved. No one ever told him “I love you” back. Not Jack, not Sam, not Dean, not Mary. No one. Ever. And still, he died for love. And with his death, he was erased from the finale, being that the first finale Castiel wasn’t in since his appearance on the show. He deserved better.

All roads lead to Rome and you know what we got at the end of that road? a bottomless pit of NOTHING. The building up towards a different end isn’t just in s15. It’s been there for years and years. And if you watch the show, you see it at plain sight.

Sam Winchester hurried to die to reunite with his brother in heaven EVEN WHEN HE SPENT 30 MORE YEARS WITH A WIFE AND A KID he only wanted to die to go back to his brother? it’s insane, it’s ridiculous. That’s not what the show has been about for seasons now. SEASONS. The road was paved towards a healthy brotherly bond, each brother living their future the way they wanted, finally breaking free from the curse John dropped on Dean that Sam’s destiny was in his hands. No no. What was that? Did it ever happen? Was it a fever dream? They really destroyed everything in 38 minutes of the finale?

Stupid.

Representation is important, stories are important. They change lives. You know how it changed mine? After I saw Jonathan Van Ness coming out as non-binary, I started to realize how I never called myself "a woman, a girl" or anything like that, how my "female presenting" aesthetic changes drastically depending on how I feel when I wake up how I always called myself a "person", no gender involved. I realized I was a non-binary person even after becoming a parent. Thanks to Jonathan Van Ness. Thanks to seeing a person like her being unapologetically herself.

Representation matters.

It matters.

It helped my mom understand me when I was 13 and had a girlfriend. It helped my dad educate himself about trans identities. It helped my sister understand about her demisexuality. It helps break circles of ignorance and stereotypes. It helps people process what these characters wanna tell, and realize they're human beings above it all. We suffer, we laugh, we grieve. We love. We exist.

Supernatural missed a chance to be a historical show in terms of representation. And it breaks my heart. I cant believe they decided to erase Dean's sexuality, to erase Castiel after saying loud and proud he's in love with a man, to erase Eileen whose disability only was a disadvantage when they KILLED HER in the most ableistic way in s11, to never show Charlie and her girlfriend again, that they decided to make God bisexual AND a villain, thay they decided to turn the only regular non-binary character of color into the villain too (Billie).

I'm still grieving.

This is why "a stupid show" is so important for me, and for lot of people like me. Cause representation can change lives. Stories can change lives. It certainly changed mine, and I'm not the only one.

Don't let anyone tell you you're just a butthurt fan because you're suffering this ending. Every one of us have a story and this is mine. All of us are valid, our feelings are valid. And we'll get through this eventually

#SPN ending #personal experience #castiel #dean winchester #supernatural #sam winchester #Long post #sorry

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spnfanficpond · 3 years

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Pond Diving - Supernatural-Jackles

Welcome to today’s Pond Diving Spotlight! We hope that you enjoy this little insight to our members and perhaps even find some useful tips for your own writing. Happy reading!

Want to volunteer, send us an ask! We’re looking forward to learning more about all of you! Not sure what PD is, you can learn more here.

“Don’t Be Koi About It” - All About You

Name: Jen

Age: 24

Location: Ontario, Canada

URL: @supernatural-jackles

Why did you choose your URL: I wanted a Supernatural theme for my blog when I started watching it and Jensen Ackles just happens to be my favourite on there so it became that.

What inspired you to become a writer: I’ve always enjoyed stories. I’ve loved the aspect of taking your mind to a whole other world and living in it. As I grew up and continued reading, my love for stories became stronger and stronger. I fell in love with characters and places. I wanted to always have a way to go back to those places and take other people to those places. I wanted to create stories for others to fall in love with the way I fell in love with them.

How long have you been writing: I have been writing since I was 8 or 9.

What do you do when you are not writing i.e. Job/Hobbies etc? Right now, my Nintendo switch is a good friend of mine. Due to the virus, I spend a lot of my time inside when I’m not at work. I’m either writing, working, sleeping or playing switch.

How long have you been in the SPN Fandom? Since 2012

Are you in any other fandoms and do you write for them? I am in the Harry Potter fandom, and Marvel. I don’t write for them though. I don’t feel the same way about the characters as I do with the SPN Fandom.

Do you do any writing outside of fanfiction? If so, tell us about it? I have been working on my novel for the last two years on and off. I just find a lot more joy in writing Supernatural fanfiction at the moment, so my soul focus has stayed on that.

Favorite published author: Margaret Atwood or John Green

Have you ever read a book that made an impact on your life? Which one and why?: There was this one book I read. I was about 18 at the time I believe. All The Bright Places by Jennifer Niven. A very triggering book, just so you know. I remember sitting there reading it and wondering why I’m putting myself through something so draining and daunting. The book was very upsetting and I found it didn’t tackle the issues at hand in a very tasteful and realistic way. As someone who writes fanfiction about mental health, it influenced me to be open and honest about the way reality is, but in a way that would shine more positively towards mental health struggles. I never wanted to be that person who ruined every mental health book for someone else like that author did for me. It was a negative impact, but I think it had some positive results.

Favorite genre of fanfic (smut, angst, fluff, crack, rpf, etc): I enjoy all genres to be honest. It really all depends on the mood I’m in that day. It’s fun to switch it up every once in a while and enjoy the mixed emotions you get when you read or write said genre.

Favorite piece of your own writing: One and One Make Three or Just Want to Be Loved.

Most underrated fic you have written: I might have to say More Than a Fling. It was the sequel to Summer Fling and everyone was interested in a second series. It soon went on permanent hiatus due to lack of interest.

Story of yours that you’d most like to see turned into a movie/tv show: Owe You One

Favorite Tumblr Writer(s): @luci-in-trenchcoats, @kaz-2y5imagines, @jawritter @mariekoukie6661, @torn-and-frayed

Favorite fic from another writer: Breathe by @luci-in-trenchcoats

Favorite character to write: Dean/Jensen

Favorite Pairing to write: Undecided. I love reader inserts and I haven’t done many pairings other than that. I have toyed with Jensen/Reader/Danneel before and I enjoy writing them.

Least favorite character to write (and why): Castiel. We only see so much of Cas and there aren’t as many complex layers of him so he’s harder for me to explore.

Do you have anyone you consider a mentor? @luci-in-trenchcoats

Do you have any aspirations involving your writing? Finish everything I start, and be proud of every piece I create.

How many work-in-progress stories do you have: Ummm probably upwards to the mid 60’s I want to say.

What are you currently working on? I am in the very early stages of writing a Jensen x Reader Bodyguard AU series. Twisty and turny and very different from what I usually write, but still very me.

“Pond Diving” - All About The Writing

What/who has had the biggest influence on your writing? I have the biggest influence on my writing for the most part. I always stick with what I want to write and what I’d love to read. That’s what gets me started on most pieces. My dear best friend who shall remain anonymous, has an influence on me as well. She mostly inspires me to write what I want to write and reminds me on a constant basis that I am doing good and to keep going with my ideas.

Best writing advice you've been given: Don’t be afraid to get a little out of your comfort zone.

Biggest obstacle you’ve faced in your writing: Time management mostly. Deadlines are not my best friend, that’s for sure. I am often filled with a lot of self-doubt when it comes to getting things done on time. Then I wonder if it’s good enough for publishing or if I should wait.

What aspects of writing do you find difficult when you write fanfiction? The research process for certain fics can be daunting. Especially if you don’t know where you need to start looking. Then fact checking, and making sure it works in the story. I have to remind myself that it will be worth it in the end.

Is there anything you want to write but are afraid to (and why): I am pretty open with writing most of the things I want to. Getting out of my comfort zone is something I regularly do. It’s always fun to challenge yourself into writing something you’d never think of doing. I certainly have enjoyed the things I was scared to try and it was worth it in the end.

What inspires/motivates you to write: Any selfie/picture posted by Jensen. My best friend and the lovely people around me. @luci-in-trenchcoats is a big influence on me and she always keeps me going!

How do you deal with self doubt: I constantly have to remind myself to get out of that headspace unless I am writing about being in that headspace. It’s a hard cycle to break. Reminding myself that what I am doing is making me happy. I’m making the rules. I’m writing this for me. I have to please myself first and that’s what matters the most. I know myself and the way I write, and that is enough. That’s what I keep on repeat in my head.

How do you deal with writer's block: Cry profusely? I’m kidding. Writer’s block for me, usually comes from something I don’t like that I have written. If it’s minor, I go back to the point where I was happy with where the story was going and delete everything after that. Give it a fresh new start and prospective. If the block is more severe, I take a break. Watch a movie and don’t stress myself about it. I get ideas anywhere, and it will come back eventually. Sometimes it’s just your brain's way of saying “hey, you need to take a break. Do that.”

Do you plan/outline your story before you start: Generally yes. I like to know where my story is going. Most of the time my outlines are more extensive rough drafts. It’s a way of processing my thoughts and writing them down so I don’t forget later. It’s a lot more fun for me to build on stories.

Do you have any weird writing habits: I either have to sit in a silent room, or I have to listen to music. Lately it’s been more silent. It depends on the subject.

Have you ever received hateful comments on your fic and how do you deal with it? I’ve received my share of hateful comments. Each one sucks, I’m not going to lie. Knowing that there is someone out there that hates the way you wrote something so much that they had to tell you isn’t nice. It kind of comes back to the self doubt thing. You have to remind yourself that this is one person’s not so kind opinion. You are the writer, you are in control of this story. This is you and you’re proud of this.

Conversely: what’s been some of your favorite feedback on your fanfic? Any feedback is my favourite feedback. Every heart, every “I love this”. Every “You’re my favourite.” I can’t pick a favourite. If someone can take the time out to say they’ve loved something I have written and that it meant a lot to them, then that's the best reward I can get.

If you could give one piece of advice to a new and/or struggling writer, what would it be? Keep writing everyday! You don’t see it now but the more you write, the better you get.

#pond diving #pond diving: supernatural-jackles #spnfanficpond

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luxshine · 3 years

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The Great Supernatural Rewatch Project - Salvation

I started writting this in the middle of season 13 but RL and work and some mental health issues made me take a step back from fandom in general and well, I was also fearing this would be an unending job since the series JUST.KEPT. GOING.

However, now that the series is done (And omg, what a clusterfuck that was. My tallies are going to go insane if I get there) and thus there’s an ending in sight, I will do my best to finish season 1, and try and get the rest of the seasons in a more timely manner. Say, before they do the inevitable reunion and ignore the last episode completely.

(I’m going to be honest, part of the problem was that Supernatural used to be SO good back then, and when I see the new episodes I weep a bit inside. I can’t believe they were so much better at creating story arcs when they weren’t TRYING to create story arcs)

Of course, now we all know that Dean’s plots in general will not have a happy ending no matter what, and that makes that particular tally bittersweet. But there are STILL people who claim that nope, Dean was never mistreated by the writers and well, Jack damn it, I am not going to let that claim go without bringing numbers to the table. Hopefully, it won’t take me 15 years to finish (Because by then, I would be the only one caring I guess)

In any case, last lap for Season 1 and we begin with Salvation.

General stuff

A specific reason for me having rage quitted this episode in particular for so long: For some stupid copyright thing with Netflix, they don’t have Carry On My Wayward Son as the song for the final recap –at least in Netflix Latam. And Supernatural without Carry On My Wayward Son is no Supernatural. So I had to hunt my DVDs. Then my computer DVD player died. Then I decided to make 5 webcomics at the same time. THEN I decided to start doing illustration works, and three other projects and let’s just say I am a bit of a workaholic and leave it like that as the rest is not SPN-related.

Ahem.

Funny thing about the Road so Far –you know, besides being a LOT shorter than the ones we’re getting now- is that it focuses a lot more on DEAN at the beginning, while if you watch the show, well, we know most of those Dean scenes come from MoW episodes and not the actual mytharc. Another interesting thing is that if one believes those things to be chronological, it makes it as if the Colt had been with the brothers for a lot longer than half an episode, and that Sam’s issue with the visions is not that recent. Edition Magic everyone! Also, omg, they were babies when the series started, and how WEIRD is to see John looking at them with pride and smiling at Dean at some points.

Anyway, the recap and the epicness that is Carry On my Wayward Son ends and we start the actual plot.

Hello Pastor Jim. Goodbye Pastor Jim. And here Supernatural begins the long, long tradition of killing characters who could’ve been useful later on, and more importantly, that could’ve been the boys’s support system later on. While here it’s understandable since we need to show how dangerous and vicious Meg is –ah, irony that in about 8 seasons people will be rooting for her Redemption- it also makes the Hunters kind of useless. I mean, he has all that weaponry and only uses a knife? Sigh. Really, a waste. Pastor Jim as a concept was really intriguing –and I don’t think we’ve heard of any other hunter who was also a priest. Funny, when we have so many demons free now. There’s also the fact that when Pastor Jim claims that she can’t be in the church because it’s hallowed ground, she replies that “That might work with the minor leagues, but not with her” and I wonder… did we ever got a demon that couldn’t enter a church? Because right now out of the top of my head I can’t remember, and yet Pastor Jim was surprised but later no one seems to think it weird there were signs of demonic activity around his body. Another sign that, as engaging as the series was, once we start digging the world building, things fall apart very quickly.

Actually, if I may digress for a bit, here we have the very first look at Supernatural´s second biggest problem: killing support characters that may have been useful lately. Here it is because Kirkpe had this weird idea that Hunting would never be glamorized by the show/fandom and it would be a completely miserable and lonely existence. He also didn’t think that the series would survive past season 2. So, ok, killing the guy we only knew by throw away lines didn’t seem so bad. By season 13 every single recurring character had died at least once –and there were petitions to bring back I think every one of those who haven’t come back- it’s a big problem.

As I restarted writing, I also realized that the mere existence of Pastor Jim and his room of awesome research and weapons creates a problem in the future about the Men of Letters because… ok, so ONE member of the clerigy knew enough about demons and stuff to be a hunter and have THE Hunter as his main contact (John Winchester was sort of a legend back then. And he had also fell out of contact with many others so the fact that he and Pastor Jim were still friendly? Kind of interesting), but what about the rest? Did the Vatican have any contact with the British men of Letters or the American ones? And if so, what the hell did they think when suddenly ALL the Men of Letters disappeared? Ok, so that’s a lot of stuff that doesn’t matter right now as it won’t actually exist until much, much, MUCH latter, but see what I mean when I say that they didn’t plan anything and the lack of a series bible hurts the show more than it helped it thrive? I am realizing right now I could write a whole treaty on the Men of Letters and their non-relationship with hunters ONLY using this cold beginning and the Henry Winchester episode.

But this is not the time for that, so we get our title card and a very, VERY young Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

We move to John who is explaining off camera everything he knows about Yellow Eye´s plan. We can tell it´s not much as he thinks it came out of hibernation and that the whole attacking families is part of a cycle, but back then it was impressive how much he had managed to find out about this demon. We also know that it attacks exactly when the baby in the house is six months old, which brings us to this little jewel:

JOHN It starts in Arizona, then New Jersey, California. Houses burned down to the ground. It's going after families, just like it went after us.

SAM Families with infants?

JOHN Yeah. The night of the kid's six-month birthday.

SAM I was six months old that night?

JOHN Exactly six months.

SAM So basically, this demon is going after these kids for some reason. The same way it came for me? So Mom's death...Jessica. It's all because of me?

DEAN We don't know that Sam.

SAM Oh really? Cause I'd say we're pretty damn sure Dean.

DEAN For the last time, what happened to them was not your fault.

SAM Right. It's not my fault but it's my problem.

DEAN No it's not your problem it's our problem!

Now, in the following seasons we will know that yes, it was ALL about Sam. But right now, the characters and the viewers don´t know that. We know that a lot of families were killed by the demon (That at this point was still “The demon” and wouldn´t become Azazael until later), and that he doesn´t take the children. So… how did Sam leap from “this demon attacks families with 6 month old children” to “It´s all about ME!”? He even ignores that Dean and John lost Mary for his last line, when he decides it´s his problem and not their problem. Also, and this is important for the “Dean is the most awful person to Sam” crowd… Dean immediately tells Sam that no, it´s not his fault. While he could harbor some ill feelings against Sam –and demon Dean, 8 seasons later, will voice them- at this point he is 100% on Sam´s side. There’s also a sideway glance from John to DEAN when Sam claims that everything is about him, and then I wonder exactly why, if John knew all about the fact that the demon chased six month old children specifically, he never resented Sam over it. One would think that given John’s love for Mary and deep desire to revenge, Sam would really be the outcast and the one only treated like a soldier (as he claims he was, but not really as we’ve seen), instead of Dean who was completely blameless in the whole thing.

(Also, this is the first time we see that Azazael´s plan didn´t make much sense IF we believed that Kirkpe had everything planned. But that´s a discussion for another time)

Anyway, John interrupts the argument to explain that while he has no idea what the demon is after (Another thing that later would be contradicted as he knew Sam had powers), but that he has managed to figure out his pattern of attack to the point that it even repeated it for Jessica’s killing (Even if much, much later, we’ll learn that it wasn’t Azazael the one who killed her, and Demons would completely forego the signs when attacking. Have I mentioned I miss the times when the myths made sense?) and the three of them pack up for their first real hunt together as they decide they will save the next baby on the demon’s list, in a town named Salvation.

Important thing to note: when John recites the demon signs, Dean immediately replies “that happened in Lawerence”. He remembers, quite clearly, what happened a week before his mother died even if logistically, at his age? He wouldn’t care nor notice. Sure, he remembers his mom’s death because that was traumatic. But random cow deaths before that? Weird show.

If Sam noticed or not the signs before Jessica died, we don’t know. John is the one who points out they happened.

After two gorgeous road shots where we see John’s truck being followed by Baby (yet another thing we lost, John’s truck. I know we needed to have the guys together all the time, but man, if Sam had inherited it, they would’ve been able to cover more terrain at times, have double the arsenal and maybe not being identified by everyone and their leviathan in season 7, but I digress), and just entering Salvation John stops, obviously spooked by something. As Dean stops behind him, they find out that Pastor Jim is dead, and John got a call from another hunter named Caleb to tell him. They assume it may be the demon they’re chasing, or maybe another demon that was looking for Pastor Jim specifically but that last theory is not very probable.

Here I have to pause to applaud Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s acting, as you can practically FEEL John’s despair at knowing an old friend of him died, and that HE was probably the cause for that death. A Winchester trait, of course, blaming themselves for everything bad that happens in their world, but unlike Sam’s early outburst, here it seems far more desperate. Of course, JDM had a lot more experience than Jared at that point, but I really wanted to make a note of it because we lost a LOT of that characterization for John, where he actually WORRIED about people and not just the hunt. Even as he decides the plan for finding out what baby the demon will take in a week, we can see him broken and confused. So much that while Sam calls him “sir” when receiving orders, Dean continues the conversation by calling him “Dad”.

John then declares that this ends now, obviously feeling responsible for what happened to his friend. A long shot from the flanderized man we’d hear about in future seasons who was infamous for letting his hunting partners die without so much as a second glance.

Also, and not to be mean to the writers, but in their endless accidentally making Sam unsympathetic, they made him say that there were too many children in the county that could be a victim and that it would take forever to check all of them. While I KNOW the intent was to make clear that they had a deadline of one week, it comes out weirdly as “I don’t want to do the footwork.” Seriously, writers should be careful with that.

Actually, let’s dissect that. Because I just thought of two ways they could’ve fixed it AND give us more info.

JOHN Now we act like every second counts. There's two hospitals and a health centre in this county. We split up, cover more ground. I want records. I want a list of every infant that's going to be six months old in the next week.

SAM Dad that could be dozens of kids. How do we know which one's the right one?

JOHN We check em all that's how. You got any better ideas?

SAM No sir.

So, first way to make Sam not look that bad: Give the line to Dean. I wouldn’t like it specially, but hey, he’s the sidekick, not the hero, and so far he has only wanted to bail on ONE hunt because he wasn’t sure it was a supernatural hunt so he’d be better standing than Sam in that regard.

Second way: Make Sam say that YES, he has a better idea. Because the brothers ALREADY faced Max, so he could say they could look for a baby that was a bit “strange”, like, with poltergeist stuff going around. John could not believe him, but at least Sam would be being proactive.

In any case, they separate as John planned and we see each of them get into the hospital records. We get a glimpse of John’s collection of fake IDs, that include one for a Morgue forensic doctor, then Sam getting a homely nurse giving him files and him taking notes, and Dean… getting flirty with a very hot nurse.

And I make a point of the “Oh, look, Dean is an irresponsible womanizer” trope because once again the writers shoot themselves in the foot by showing the opposite of what they were telling (And no, this time I can’t blame it on Jensen’s acting and refusal to look at his female co-stars without respect).

WOMAN Hi. Is there anything I can do for you?

DEAN (smiling) Oh God yes.

She smiles and looks down.

DEAN (Holding up his ID) Only I'm uh....working right now, so...

The writers here make us remember that a) Dean is AMAZINGLY charismatic, as the woman IS flattered and seems interested, and b) That he will NOT dump his work for a quickie. We don’t even get a “maybe later” that could make him look as if he was really into her. It’s just that he flirts naturally, or at least, this is what we can infer now, as so far he hasn’t had any one night stand fling. The one time we saw him have a sexual encounter in the middle of a hunt was with an ex-girlfriend.

And again I have to wonder what was Sera Gamble’s intention with those scenes as yes, this was written by the same team as Faith, another episode where Sam’s good intentions tend to have a darker side, and gave Dean some amazingly cool scenes.

We don’t know what Dean says to the woman, as we cut back to Sam, coming out of the hospital just in time to have a very convenient vision of a woman, a nursery and a fire. Thankfully, the vision also comes with the useful audio hint of a train passing by, so Sam gets out his map and starts checking where that could be, which leads him to the house in his vision.

And by this point, we know we’re in the right track and this is an important Myth Arc episode, because Sam only has multiple visions in Myth Arc episodes, and he has one the moment he steps in front of the house in said vision. The gods of convenience smile upon him as right then and there a woman pushing a pram comes by, and he manages to talk to her, all friendly like by pretending to having just moved. Then Sam learns the woman’s name is Monica, her baby is Rosie, and Rosie is just six months old, exactly to the day.

Also, that she’s a very quiet baby and that it sometimes seems as if she was reading your mind. Oh, and that Monica really is blind to suspicious men asking her about her family with a face that reads “Oh shit, this is bad”.

Now, HERE is where the whole “five year myth arc” story falls completely. I mean, we already knew it was pretty unlikely it was real, given Kirkpe’s original interviews, but the mere existence of Rosie contradicts every single future story beat. Because if SHE has powers before Azazael goes into her house, then it means that the babies he was hunting didn’t get powers because of him, just that his blood either connected them (hence Sam’s very specific visions), made said powers far more powerful (quite likely), or made them a little bit more prone to violence/prideful behavior. All of those possibilities match with the plan of “raising” a new King or Queen of Hell, that would be faithful to Azazael, but are a bit iffy on the “finding Lucifer’s vessel” thing. Especially since we later learn that the Angels were also helping, and all Hell knew that Lucifer’s vessel HAD to come from the Winchester/Campbell bloodline due to Cain and Abel being the roots of said bloodline, and later pretty much everyone knew Sam was Lucifer’s vessel so the whole targeting a ton of kids, in particular after Mary’s death, is kinda weird.

Oh, Lux, you will say, it is because he wanted to hide his true intentions! No one knew that Sam had been feed demon blood!

Except that the important parties, namely Heaven and Hell, did. Michael had Heaven convinced of his orders, so even if a rogue angel found out that they were speed running the Apocalypse, said angel could be killed. And any demon who was against getting Lucifer back on top would be smart enough to keep quiet so, why the secrecy?

And again, ok, I buy the original demon blood kids being important to “hide” Lucifer’s vessel but… Rosie? What good would it do to Azazael’s plan to have a psychic 4 year old when Lucifer rose? Was “little four year old girl” a good match against a grown up hunter? What was Azazel thinking, if that was the plan all the time?

Now, I want to make clear this doesn’t make THIS episode or the Season-myth arc bad. This original “Boy King of Hell” storyline WAS good. It had a lot of potential, made sense for Sam and since it was before the days of the eternal “What is wrong with Sam?” seasons, there was no boredom of a repeat. It also set a very good question of what made a monster a monster, which would be explored a bit more in Season 2. And it was long before we realized Dean having a myth arc was a pipe dream, so there was no issue there either. It made sense.

But the fact that the writers kind of forgot about everything I just pointed out with Rosie’s scene to try and weld this to the “Heaven vs. Hell” storyline in season 4, and then just promptly forgot because Sam’s powers were then firmly connected to Azazael’s blood so they never came up again and even worse, we never find another psychic kid that could’ve been feed blood by Azazael THIS year that John was chasing him? (Since we know there were no other survivors from Sam’s generation, and later we have a scene that proves that there were no previous generations to Sam’s), it's kind of weird. Personally, I dunno about you, but maybe a return to this storyline in season 6 would’ve been a lot better than we got. Maybe.

By the way, I am not counting the Boy King of Hell story arc as a dropped plot for Sam yet, as we’re going to keep with this at least until season 3. Yes, now we know it didn’t go anywhere, but at the time, and for these episodes in particular, it was THE myth arc of Supernatural. So it can’t be counted as dropped plot yet.

In any case, Sam goes and tells John and Dean about his vision and… oh, boy do we have to move John’s reaction to Emotional Violence.

It’s not good.

But before he can do more damage to Dean’s psyche, Sam gets a call from our favorite demon, Meg. Even if he doesn’t recognize her voice immediately which is weird because a) he did throw her off a window and one would think that makes a girl memorable, and b) it’s not as he knows that many girls who would call him, despite Dean’s best efforts to get him a new girl.

Meg dismisses Sam and asks for John. She makes clear that she is not playing, that she knows he has the Colt and that he will kill every single person who has ever helped John unless he gives it to her that same day at midnight. And to the brothers’ surprise, John accepts those terms (Unfortunately not before we loss Caleb too. I have a lot less interest in Caleb as a character given that he has exactly half a line in the whole show, but it’s still it’s sad to see a guy so defiant even in the face of death go so soon).

Meg also points out that John having the Colt is a “declaration of war” which is interesting as it sort of implies that if he hadn’t gotten it, then the demons would leave him and the brothers alone. And I find that incredibly funny since… no they won’t. And Azazael would’ve been ok if Sam kept the gun anyway, given why they really wanted and once again I am putting holes on the idea that this was planned from the start, aren’t I?

In any case, John declares that Meg is a demon “or is possessed by one” which… ok? First and only time we get the possibility of a demon not using a meat suit. I don’t think this is a mistake, because after all, this is back before the guys faced demons in a normal basis so they could believe that they had their own bodies besides the ones they possessed (And, more importantly, before there was a retcon that made the brothers face and know about demons since pretty much ever). To be completely fair, as much as I love Jimmy and the whole Lucifer arc once it started to make sense… I would’ve been ok if vessels weren’t needed. It added a lot of complications and ended up making the brothers actual serial killers.

Ahem.

After that little gem of wisdom that will be ignored forever, John declares that he will be taking the gun to Meg to avoid more killing and we get another questionable line for Sam. And I am curious as to how to tally it as it’s the opposite of him wanting to leave the hunt, but it’s not that nice either:

DEAN What do we do?

JOHN I'm going to Lincoln. DEAN What? JOHN It doesn't look lilke we have a choice. If I don't go, a lot of people die, our friends die.

SAM Dad, the demon is coming tonight. For Monica and her family. That gun is all we got, you can't just hand it over.

I mean, yes, it is true that the demon is coming for Monica (Well, actually, he’s coming for Rosie, the baby, but I will let that slip pass. Sam is not interested in married ladies), and that with the gun they can kill the demon but it’s not all they’ve got. By this time, Sam has already had his big hero moment when he exorcised a plane in free fall so they could do that, then chase the demon again and then kill it.

But what is jarring is how he hears “a lot of people die, OUR FRIENDS die” and he goes “yeah, whatever, we have a mission to fulfill”.

Which is precisely what later episodes will tell us John used to do, and was the reason why John was not exactly liked by the general hunter population. And at the same time, it’s an eerie reminder of Wendigo, where Sam is willing to let innocents die (his family friends, in this particular case, just as he heard Caleb choke on his own blood) in order to get his way (revenge on the demon that killed Jess. NOT revenge on the demon that killed his mom, since at this point, Sam is still on the “I never knew that woman” train of thought).

Sure, his mind is in the hunt, and that’s commendable because yes, in the long run, killing Azazael would save more innocents (And probably stop the Apocalypse, not that Sam or the writers at that time know it), but it is still strange to see our nominal hero simply not care for his friends’ lives. I mean, at this point WE don’t know about Bobby, so the closest to a parental figure that is not John that Sam had was Pastor Jim and he just DIED.

Worst part is, this could be solved really easy: Just have DEAN be the one who voices the complaint, and have “empathic” Sam mumble that there has to be a way to save everyone (Which, of course, John will mention in a second). It would make Dean look bad, sure, but we’ve been told once and again that Dean never, EVER goes against John plans. Which… not true, ut we will talk about that later. The scene continues, and John declares that he will go to Meg alone, with a fake Colt and while Dean thinks that that won’t work, Sam has a different complaint:

DEAN Yeah but for how long? What happens when she figures it out?

JOHN I just...I just need to buy a few hours, that's all.

SAM You mean for Dean and me. You want us to stay here, and kill this demon by ourselves?

JOHN No Sam. I want to stop losing people we love. I want you to go to school, I want Dean to have a home. I want....I want Mary alive. It's just....I just want this to be over.

And oh, boy. Do this four lines again hold so much weight.

First, once again, Dean seems to be worried for John (logically, he’s their dad), while Sam is making the weirdest line in the universe sort of work because he’s complaining that John is trusting them to kill the demon, something HE wants to do and not four seconds ago was saying they had to do, as if it was John shifting HIS job to Sam. Seriously, I don’t want to think the worst of Sam but when you take out Jared’s acting, the text doesn’t do the younger Winchester’s any favors.

And finally… John’s lines that encompass pretty much Dean’s philosophy in the following seasons. “I want to stop losing people we love” is pretty telling, but what comes next? He actually WANTS Sam to go back to college and not worry about the Supernatural. He actively agrees that Dean doesn’t have a home, and WANTS Dean to have one. It’s as close as love as we’ll see from John to Dean in Season 1, and it hurts. It hurts because we can tell he knows he won’t be there to see it… and now, in hindsight with the finale having aired, we also know Dean didn’t get that. (And to be fair, this is the John who did deserve Heaven. Not the flanderized version we’d get in the future)

Although, ironically, Mary got to be alive again, so… One out of three?

(No, seriously, it’s obvious the writers didn’t even remember this speech when Season 12 hit, much less Season 15)

Ahem.

Dean is sent to get a fake Colt, while Sam and John wait for him. If they talked about anything, we don’t know, but when they exchange guns, Dean voices what we all know is true:

DEAN You know this is a trap don't you. That's why Meg wants you to come alone?

JOHN I can handle her. I got a whole arsenal loaded. Holy water, Mandaic, amulets...

DEAN Dad... JOHN What? DEAN Promise me something. JOHN What's that. DEAN This thing goes south just...get the hell out. Don't get yourself killed all right, you're no good to us dead. JOHN Same goes for you. (There is a long pause) All right listen to me. They made the bullets special for this colt. There's only four of them left. Without them this gun is useless. You make every shot count.

SAM Yes sir.

JOHN Been waiting a long time for this fight. Now it's here I'm not gonna be in it. It's up to you boys now. It's your fight, you finish this. You finish what I started. Understand?

Again, I wish they remembered all they had to get rid of demons before, you know, killing everyone willy-nilly. I mean, I don’t even think I know what Mandalac IS but hey, John says it works, it works. And once more, Dean gets a line that makes clear he is the empathic, loving brother, when it wouldn’t have hurt Sam to say it. In fact, it would make clear that no matter what, he doesn’t hate John. But nope, Sam only acts like the soldier we’re TOLD Dean is, while Dean makes clear that for him, family is more important than revenge (And boy will that come to bite him in the ass later, not in the series, but in this same episode).

Also, I have to admit. When I started this rewatch, John’s final line was just a good moment for John to start letting go of his anger. Now? After that horrid finale? It hurts so, so much. But it hurts more because I KNOW that there’s no way it was intentional. Obviously, Kirkpe didn’t know the series would last 15 years, and I highly doubt Dabb remembered this scene when writing 15x20. But even so, it ends up being Dean’s epitaph. OUCH.

In any case, the Winchester separate again, and we go into act three. Get ready for the feels.

John Winchester hunting alone is a thing of beauty. Seeing him scope the place, check the water tank and immediately think of a plan? Makes me wish Jeffrey Dean Morgan had stayed longer on the show. Sure, John became an asshole, but in this episode he’s still not that bad, we still have no episodes that make clear he didn’t care for Dean, and wasn’t textually abusive. And I am willing to bet that if JDM had stayed, John would’ve evolved more to be a Bobby-like character. But well, What ifs is not why you came to this meta for.

As John is hunting, the brothers are staking out the house were they know Azazael will attack. And while they talk and decide that they have no way to get the family out (In a nice callback to how none of their excuses ever work) we get to this little gem of an exchange:

SAM I wonder how Dad's doing.

DEAN I'd feel a lot better if we were there backing him up.

SAM I'd feel a lot better if he were here backing us up.

Where once again we see where the brother’s priorities lie, and I wonder why the hell the writers ever thought they were writing Sam as an empathic character.

Because yes, Dean is wishing he could be out there helping his Dad, proving that for him, it has always been about the family. Not the hunting, but the protecting. But Sam doesn’t want to protect John. He wants John protecting Them. And helping them in the revenge hunt, not trying to save others.

Sure, we know the brothers are there to save an innocent mother, but John is also saving a ton of hunters and people who, in the past, were nice and open to the family. And it would’ve been so much easier to make Sam look better if he instead had said “I’d feel a lot better if we hadn’t had to separate” or something like that, that proved he saw BOTH missions were important.

Seriously, I do wonder why the writers made these choices, and I wish someone had asked this at cons.

We go back to John, who, really, Is an amazing hunter even if he is a horrible father. Also, I wonder if he got ordained at a web church, in order to be able to sanctify water. That would be such a John Winchester thing to do, and I do wonder why the boys never did it too. ANYWAY, he hands the gun to Meg, and to her ally that came so that we could have a scene to prove the Colt is fake as the ally shoots Meg.

As John says, Meg was lucky the gun was fake. And once again, I do wonder what the plan was if it WAS the Colt. I mean, Meg was Azazael’s second in command. Why would nameless demon risk killing her? Or did he kinow the gun was fake?

In any case, this makes the moment where we can be 100% sure that Meg’s meat suit 1.0 was dead. I mean, she could’ve survived the fall in Shadow, but a bullet to the chest? No way.

We go back to the brothers, and Sam breaks every single law of a procedural show by giving this great speech about how thankful he is to Dean for everything, and how he needs to say that “in case” something happened.

Dean is definitely not impressed and reminds him that the only one dying today is Azazael.

As we see John temporarily escape from Meg and her muscle boy, we go back to the brothers who see the demon omens start up so they get ready for the final fight.

The brothers manage to save Monica and her baby, despite the very understandable interference from Hubbard, the husband (I mean, you would not react nicely to two strangers intruding in your house and yelling to your wife to not go into the nursery room), however, before Sam can shoot Azazel, he disappears into smoke (A really interesting question here is, WHY did Sam wait to shoot and then wasted a bullet, but I digress).

Going completely against M.O, Azazael makes the CRIB burst into flames, but fortunately Dean has already gotten Rosie out of it so the brothers escape the flaming house. While Monica cries her thanks, Sam notices that Azazael is still inside, and tries to go after him, but Dean stops him because he is not going to lose his brother to the fire. By the way, I am not counting “Dean stopping Sam from going into a burning building” as “Dean forcing Sam to do something” since, uh, he was saving Sam’s life and it’s something anyone in Dean’s place would’ve done.

At the same time, we see John getting captured by Meg and her muscle boy because he didn’t think about getting a third escape route (But honestly? That was pretty much a plot necessity. John was HEAVILY prepared for that fight)

Back in the hotel, Dean is worried that John is not answering his calls, while Sam is furious that Dean didn’t let him kill himself by running into a burning house. They have a nasty fight that mirrors the one they had back in the pilot, but since it IS a fight between the brothers, you know the drill. We’re examining it under Violence.

Once Sam calms down, he tells Dean to try calling John again. Unfortunately, it’s Meg who answers and she tells Dean that they’re never seeing their dad again.

And we get the first “To be continued” for the series (Which to be honest, despite all the little continuity mistakes I mentioned here? Is still pretty epic)

Violence

Well, we had to run out of episodes where the brothers don’t fight each other at some point, didn’t we?

This fight, over Sam wanting to kill himself in his search for revenge, is a very neat parallel to the fight they had back in the Pilot, over Sam NOT wanting to even involve himself in the family’s search for revenge. Which I know it’s supposed to be ironic and a show of character growth since now Dean is the one saying that revenge is not worth their lives but… it falls a little bit flat because the reason why Sam is so gung-ho in killing Azazael is, once again, a very selfish one and the way in he expresses it makes it quite clear. (Again, I do wonder if the writers stopped to think about the implications of Sam only getting really into hunting when it was about him or his losses?)

But let’s start at the beginning:

SAM If you had just let me go in there, I coulda ended all this.

DEAN Sam, the only thing you would have ended was your life.

SAM You don't know that.

DEAN So what, you're just willing to sacrifice yourself, is that it?

SAM Yeah. Yeah you're damn right I am.

DEAN Well that's not going to happen, not as long as I'm around.

This right here? Is a nice summary of the relationship of the brothers for the whole series. Sam wants to do something stupid, like, say, running into a burning building, Dean is there to stop him before he hurts himself.

Also, let’s make clear the use of first person by Sam. It’s not “We coulda ended this”, as in the family ending the hunt, but “I coulda ended this”. Again, at this point, not something that is a problem, but considering hindsight, we can see how the writers are completely invested in SAM as a sole main character, and write him as such, while Dean is more of the sidekick.

In any case, the argument continues, still not escalating to violence.

SAM What the hell are you talking about Dean, we've been searching for this demon our whole lives. It's the only thing we've ever cared about.

DEAN Sam I wanna waste it. I do. Okay? But it's not worth dying over.

SAM What?

DEAN I mean it. If hunting this demon means getting yourself killed then I hope we never find the damn thing.

Important thing how Sam apparently forgot he left for four (two) years and wanted out of the family business, now that he is angry and into the revenge thing. It’s not “You’ve been searching for this demon your whole life”, which would’ve been correct AND a logical counterargument against Dean. Before this episode, Sam was supposedly the brother who understood that revenge was a way of living, while Dean is the one who was Daddy’s little soldier. But here, when it actually would matter to the narrative, it is as if Sam’s wishes for a normal life are completely forgotten and it’s Dean the one who understands that there’s more to living than revenge (Which, btw, is consistent through the season despite everyone claiming that Dean needs Sam to keep hunting. All season, Dean has been giving Sam outs, telling him it’s ok to quit)

And of course, Dean here proves that Sam is more important to him than revenge for his mother, as he is willing to never get to kill the demon as long as his family, his brother in particular, survives.

Poor Dean.

SAM That thing killed Jess. That thing killed Mom.

DEAN You said yourself once, that no matter what we do, they're gone, and they're never coming back.

SAM Don't you say that, not you! Not after all this don't you say that.

DEAN Sam look. The three of us...that's all we have...and it's all I have. Sometimes I feel like I'm barely holding it together man...and without you or Dad....

Unfortunately, script doesn’t quiet convey the scene as there’s a LONG pause between “That thing killed Jess” and “That thing killed Mom”. Enough so that we can believe that Sam is using that second phrase not because he cares (in the Pilot he made clear he didn’t), but to make Dean get on board with the whole “I can kill myself if it means getting revenge” plan. In other words, once again, Sam is weaponizing Mary against Dean, and that is a really nasty habit the younger Winchester never quite shakes out of. Instead, Dean shows how he LISTENED to Sam back in the Pilot and repeats Sam’s words to him on the bridge.

Which is when Sam loses it and pushes Dean against a wall, Dean not defending himself at all, and yells that Dean has no right to say what Sam told Dean the very first hunt they had together after years of separation.

And of course, once Dean mentions their father, Sam starts calming down. NOT when Dean says that he’s barely holding it together, or that he only has them. Just when he mentions their father who is, in Sam’s mind, the one who can help him get revenge.

The fight ends, but Sam never once apologizes for what he said to Dean, nor for the fight. Which, by the way, contradicts his claim that Dean “always has his back”.

Emotional Violence

Whenever we have John on an episode, we’re going to have to talk about emotional violence and I kind of hate that because on one hand, I get how John could’ve been a very tragic figure that loved his sons but still wanted to avenge his wife, and not being the abusive bastard we know and don’t love that much.

When Sam and Dean explain about Sam’s visions, and how they started as nightmares but have grown in intensity, his reaction is quite subdued, but clear. He is not happy, but the problem isn’t the visions –for a man obsessed with the supernatural, his outward reaction to his younger son being a psychic is quite calm- but that they didn’t inform him of what was going on:

JOHN All right. When were you going to tell me about this?

DEAN We didn't know what it meant.

JOHN All right, something like this starts happening to your brother, you pick up the phone and you call me.

DEAN dumps the coffee jug and cup back on the counter and strides toward JOHN.

DEAN Call you? Are you kidding me? Dad I called you from Lawrence all right? Sam called you when I was dying. I mean, getting you on the phone? I got a better chance of winning the lottery.

JOHN You're right. Although I'm not too crazy about this new tone of yours, you're right. I'm sorry.

And let’s be clear, John’s anger is not directed at Sam, it’s directed at Dean. “Something like this starts happening to your brother” is not “Something like this starts happening to either of you”. Which is also a show of how good an actor JOHN is in universe because WE know that he knew. Missouri TOLD him point blank that Sam was powerful and that he could have known that John was around during the Home episode. But here, he acts as if this was news to him when he could ALSO have told them what to expect if that happened. (Mind you, I am assuming that Sera Gamble knew or remembered about Home’s script when writing this and didn’t just forget or was unaware that John was supposed to know)

Now, all season, Sam has been complaining and yelling about how John doesn’t answer their calls, doesn’t seem to care what’s going on with them. So it’d be logical and in character for Sam to say something here. But instead is DEAN, Dad’s little soldier, the one we’ve SEEN obeying John without question finally have enough and talk back to his father with some truths. And it’s VERY interesting that his first complain is not that John didn’t care that Dean almost died, but that he didn’t reply when Dean called from Lawrence. One could almost infer that Dean expected John not to care if Dean died, but was honestly hurt that he didn’t care about a case that could’ve involved MARY.

John, surprisingly, sort of agrees. He does say “I’m sorry”, which makes him the Winchester who is quicker to say those words… but he still manages to make a threat against Dean “I am not too crazy about this NEW tone of yours”.

Making it clear that before? Dean never talked back. And John doesn’t like it when his soldiers talk back.

It makes it hard to believe John ever thought of Dean as his son and makes it very clear why Dean never understood Sam’s confidence that Dean was the favored one.

Speeches and Apologies

I considered not including this particular speech, but then I remembered that Supernatural is ALSO famous for their big emotional speeches, and this is Sam’s first, and also, Dean’s first time listening to someone he cares about give him the “I am saying goodbye because I am going kamikaze” speech and after all the drama in season 15, I guess it’s necessary to do some dissection.

It is important that despite all the things that Sam has done to Dean, the words “I’m sorry” are never uttered here.

SAM Dean...ah...I wanna thank you. DEAN For what? SAM For everything. You've always had my back you know? Even when I couldn't count on anyone I could always count on you. And ah...I don't know I just wanted to let you know, Just in case DEAN Whoa whoa whoa, are you kidding me? SAM What? DEAN Don't say just in case something happens to you. I don't wanna hear that freaking speech man. Nobody's dying tonight. Not us, not that family, nobody. Except that demon. That evil son of a bitch ain't getting any older than tonight, you understand me?

This is not a bad “freaking speech”. I understand why Dean didn’t want to hear it, because it is like jinxing the mission (And, let’s be honest, it did), but it’s not a bad speech.

Except that, reading it again, it lacks one important part. Sure, Sam thanks Dean for always being there (Forgetting that, at least three times this season alone, he has accused Dean of not having his back and being unreliable. Which will ALSO be a constant theme in the series’s long run), but he never mentions the times HE did things that would be hard to back up. Which, again, I am not counting as a bad thing against him in this precise moment in time, since he is young, in his roaring roadtrip of revenge, and we’ve only know the brothers for a year, but it is the beginning of a series’ long crutch to make us forgive all of Sam’s sins without him actually doing the work to be forgiven.

On the other hand, it all goes to waste a bit later when Sam starts hitting Dean for the horrible sin of not letting him run into a burning building and kill himself so… it’s not really a “thank you for having my back” speech but a “You better remember, you never fight me and my choices are the best” speech in hindsight. Which… not good on Sam, no.

Double narrative standards

This episode is kind of balanced, except for that little moment where we’re supposed to think Dean is wrong for telling Sam that revenge is not worth their lives. So there’s not much to write in this particular segment.

Final Tally

Ok, back in the saddle. And after all that, I decided not to tally Sam’s little slip about not caring if their loved ones die as long as he gets to kill Azazael. Let me know if you disagree.

The count is still not good on Sam’s side, but as always, you are free to disagree with me, and dm me if you think I missed a tally or I should change one. If your argument is solid and canon based, I will listen to it and may change the numbers.

Numbers (or the TL;DR summary)

(Episode/Total so far)

Times Dean has lied to Sam or to a loved one: 0 / 0

Times Sam has lied to Dean or to a loved one: 0 / 3

Times Dean has been caught in a lie: 0 / 0

Times Sam has been caught in a lie: 0 / 1

Times Dean has hit Sam in anger: 0 / 1

Times Sam has hit Dean in anger: 1 / 4

Times Dean's lies or secrets have caused someone's death: 0 / 0

Times Sam's lies or secrets have caused someone's death: 0 / 1

Times Dean has abandoned (Or wanted to abandon) a hunt in the middle for his own needs: 0 / 0

Times Sam has abandoned (Or wanted to abandon) a hunt in the middle for his own needs: 0 / 7

Times Dean forced Sam to do something: 0 / 0

Times Sam forced Dean to do something: 0 / 7

Secrets kept by Dean: 0 / 1

Secrets kept by Sam: 0 / 2

Times Dean has blamed Sam for something: 0 / 0

Times Sam has blamed Dean for something: 1 / 4

Times Dean has apologized with words to Sam: 0 / 3

Times Sam has apologized with words to Dean: 0 / 2

Times Dean has respected Sam's boundaries and/or rules: 0 / 7

Times Sam has respected Dean's boundaries and/or rules: 0 / 0

Times Dean hasn't respected Sam's boundaries and/or rules: 0 / 0

Times Sam hasn't respected Dean's boundaries and / or rules: 0 / 13

Times Dean has made fun of something Sam does or has: 0 / 6

Times Sam has made fun of something Dean does or has: 0 / 31

Times we focus on Dean's needs: 0 / 1

Times we focus on Sam's needs: 1 / 6

Arc episodes dedicated to Sam: 1 / 7

Filler episodes dedicated to Sam: 0 / 6

Arc episodes dedicated to Dean: 0 / 0

Filler episodes dedicated to Dean: 0 / 4

Arc episodes dedicated to both brothers (or to none): 0 / 2

Filler episodes dedicated to both brothers (or to none): 0 / 2

Dean's Dropped Plotlines: 0 / 1

Sam's Dropped Plotlines: 0 / 2

#Supernatural rewatch project #Salvation #Dean Winchester #Sam Winchester #not very Sam positive #John Winchester #Season 1 #Season 1 episode 20 #SPN #Supernatural meta

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petrichoravellichor · 3 years

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I’ve had a couple of people request this, so here ya go: my masterlist for the SPN Deserved Better 31 Days Creative Challenge hosted by the wonderful @foundfamily4eva , in which I basically tried to fix canon for as many of the characters as I could, not just Team Free Will 2.0 + Eileen (although those five all definitely got the endings they deserved, too!).

Romance-wise, the following ships got at least one work featuring that ship as the sole/primary one: Destiel, Saileen, Midam, Dreamhunter, Dodio, AU Charlie/Stevie, Amara/Rowena.

Individual character/platonic pair-wise, here are the characters who got at least one work featuring them as the primary character(s): Alex Jones, Bela Talbot, Becky Rosen, Benny Lafitte & Emma Winchester, Bobby Singer & Rufus Turner, Cas & Claire Novak, Cas & Jack Kline, Jack Kline & Amara, Jack & Kelly Kline, Donatello Redfield, Gabriel & Meg, Gadreel, Kaia Nieves, Kevin & Linda Tran, Miracle the Dog.

(Crowley is also getting his happy ending, but what was supposed to be a short fic is currently at about 10k, so I’ve split that off into a separate project that will be up within a few weeks.)

Lastly, some honorable mentions/characters that got their happy endings in minor roles in other fics: Alicia & Max Banes, Aaron Bass, AU Bobby Singer, Ellen & Jo Harvelle & Ash, Jenny the Vampire (well...not happy for her: I managed to kill her off twice in two separate fics and in ways that were infinitely more satisfying than in canon and was very happy about it 😄).

All fics are canonverse fix-its and are listed below the cut, grouped roughly by primary ship/featured character(s) and with summaries, approximate word counts, and links to Ao3 when cross-posting occurred.

I hope these bring as much closure to those who read them as they did to me while I wrote them, and if they make you feel any sort of way, I’d love to hear about it via likes/comments/reblogs/asks! 💙

Begin and End There [T, ~5.5k words, Cas & Jack, Destiel]

After the Empty takes him, Castiel wakes up in the last place he expected, with a second chance at happiness when he reunites with Dean and the latter finally gets to speak his truth. (read on Ao3 or tumblr [part 1] [part 2])

Let’s Misbehave [G, ~600 words, Destiel]

They finally listen to the mixtape and dance. That’s it, that’s the fic. (read on Ao3 or tumblr)

Cas, Not Castiel [G, ~225 words, Destiel]

Another angel, Hester, had once bitterly remarked that Castiel was lost the moment he laid a hand on Dean in Hell. Years later, after all was said and done, Cas found that he agreed. (read on tumblr)

The Dead Man Lives, Carry On [T, ~1.3k words, Dean Winchester & Dean Winchester, background implied Destiel]

It’s one thing to tell yourself you’re bi. It’s a whole other thing to involve time travel. Then again, when has Dean Winchester ever done things the easy way? OR, the one in which a certain side character from season 1 gets dead a whole heck of a lot sooner. You’re welcome. (read on Ao3 or tumblr)

From Heaven With Love [G, ~500 words, Cas & Claire]

During the first Christmas following Chuck's defeat, Castiel surprises Claire with a letter from her parents. (read on Ao3 or tumblr)

Home Is Where the Love Is [G, ~350 words, background Destiel, background Saileen]

Miracle POV, in which Miracle reflects on his new home/family. (read on Ao3 or tumblr)

Namesake [G, ~600 words, Destiel, background Saileen]

When Sam and Eileen first tell Dean they want to name their unborn son after him, Dean's reaction is one of shock. He plays it off with a joke, though. (read on Ao3 or tumblr)

Clear As Day [T, ~700 words, Saileen]

Newly returned to existence thanks to Jack, Eileen reunites with Sam; OR, the Saileen reunion we were denied in 15x20. (read on Ao3 or tumblr)

It Takes a Village [G, ~300 words, Saileen]

Expecting their first child, Sam and Eileen talk about becoming parents. (read on Ao3 or tumblr)

Of Love and Loss (and Love) [T, ~350 words, Sam/every canon relationship he’s had w/ endgame Saileen]

For a long time, Sam thought he was done with love. (read on tumblr)

Mother of God [G, ~225 words, Jack & Kelly Kline]

After reuniting his angel dad with his two human dads and rebuilding Heaven, the first thing Jack did was visit his mom. (read on tumblr)

The Happiest Place on Earth [G, ~150 words, Jack & Amara]

In which Amara finally gets to bond with her great-nephew...at Disneyland! :D (read on tumblr)

Good Tidings We Bring [G, ~450 words, Donatello, Jack & Amara]

In which Amara returns Donatello's soul...for Christmas! :D (read on Ao3 or tumblr)

Et Nos Cedamus Amori [M, ~550 words, Amara/Rowena]

Rowena wore the crown like she was born to it, and Amara had to admit, it looked good on her. (read on Ao3 or tumblr)

What We Deserve [T, ~2.6k words, Midam]

After helping the Winchesters defeat Chuck, Michael avoids Adam until one day, Adam seeks him out; OR, the soft epilogue these two deserved, damn it. (read on Ao3 or tumblr)

With Every Fiber of My Being [T, ~900 words, Midam]

After defeating Chuck, Michael and Adam choose each other. (read on Ao3 or tumblr)

Tender Loving Care [G, ~250 words, Dreamhunter]

Kaia's flu is nothing serious, but that doesn't stop Claire from doting on her. (read on Ao3 or tumblr)

An Angel and a Demon Walk Into a Bar [T, ~2.1k, Gabriel & Meg]

After escaping from the Empty, Gabriel wanders into a bar, where it turns out he’s not the only one back from the dead. (read on Ao3 or tumblr)

Rebar Not Included [T, ~1.5k words, Dodio, background Destiel]

Jody and Donna help out the Winchesters by looking into an Ohio case involving masked vampires, and what do you know: not only do they manage to kill a certain side character from season 1 but they ALSO make it through without dying! Oh, and they kiss, just because they can. (read on Ao3 or tumblr)

Heal [T, ~1.1k words, Charlie/Stevie]

Charlie’s being distant, and Stevie doesn’t understand why. (read on Ao3 or tumblr)

Homecoming [T, ~500 words, Kevin & Linda Tran]

In which Kevin Tran gets the happy ending he deserved. (read on tumblr)

When Life Imitates Art [G, ~500 words, Becky Rosen]

Becky starts a new job as a staff writer for HBO's upcoming adaptation of the Supernatural book series. (read on Ao3 or tumblr)

Family Don’t End in Blood [T, ~300 words, Alex & Wayward Sisters]

A decade ago, if someone had asked Alex what family meant, she would have said blood and believed it. (read on tumblr)

Home [T, ~300 words, Kaia & Wayward Sisters]

In which Kaia finally has a home. (read on Ao3 or tumblr)

The Golden Years [G, ~600 words, Bobby & Rufus, implied Bobby/Ellen]

In which, now that Bobby’s finally enjoying retirement in the new Heaven, he’d really like to just forget about that one time he kissed Crowley. Unfortunately for him, Rufus has other plans. (read on Ao3 or tumblr)

Be at Peace [G, ~600 words, Gadreel, background Gadreel/OFC]

In which Gadreel escapes the Empty and gets a soft epilogue. (read on Ao3 or tumblr)

Well Met [G, ~200 words, Benny & Emma]

In hindsight, faking his own death is the best thing Benny’s ever done. (read on tumblr)

The Right Hand [T, ~175 words, Bela Talbot]

Some closure for Bela Talbot, anyone? (read on tumblr)

Screw Sad Finales: Here’s to Victory Parties! [G, ~350 words, Gen with a few non-TFW background ships hinted]

After defeating Chuck, Sam and Dean throw a party! With appearances by Cas, Eileen, Jack, the Wayward Sisters, Adam and Michael, Charlie and Stevie, Kevin and Linda Tran, Rowena, Amara, Garth and his family, Bobby, Max and Alicia Banes, and Aaron Bass. (read on Ao3 or tumblr)

#destiel #deancas #saileen #midam #dreamhunter #dodio #spn femslash #spn #supernatural #spndbcc #spn spoilers #spndbcc masterlist #my writing

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tbhwhocaresanymore · 3 years

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Nancy Drew S2 Premieres Today

Please find under the cut my various hopes and dreams for the characters

Bess

I have so many hopes for Bess going forward. My main two are ones you will have heard before.

One, I want Victoria to take Bess under her wing. I loved their interactions in ep 5 while George was possessed. George accepts spn stuff these days, and as such is more understanding of her mom’s struggles with alcoholism. But I think she will always have a certain degree of resentment towards Victoria for failing to be the mother George and her sisters needed. Bess on the other hand has none of that baggage, and so if Victoria is going to be passing down her teachings to anyone I think it would be Bess. I want to see them spending more time together, sort of like an internship, and maybe Bess can advocate to George about her mom, and help them become closer.

Two, I have a very specific storyline I want to unfold with Lisbeth. We know the Marvin family in addition to being super rich is super shady, and Granny Marvin wants Bess to spy on Lisbeth to help the family out. I know Bess is torn between her family and her girlfriend because she has wanted to be a part of the Marvin family for so long, but I don’t think she would actually betray Lisbeth like that. So I want to see a storyline where we as the audience think Bess is betraying Lisbeth, and spying on her and stuff like that, (similar to Ow*n and Nancy’s fake fight in ep 11) and then right as we expect consequences WHAM. It turns out Bess was really spying on her family the whole time for some super illegal murder-y thing that happened, and Granny Marvin or someone else gets arrested. She texts Lisbeth along the lines of “everything went great, see you in an hour!” Only when she gets there Lisbeth is DEAD. And then Amaya helps her through the grief and they bond and fall in love aaaaaaaaah

Three, I’m interested in her London family. They want nothing to do with her anymore, I’m assuming because she insisted on getting to know her mom’s side of the family, but is there more to the story? I would like to find out.

Four, I want her together with Amaya their chemistry is on FIRE sorry not sorry

George and Nick

Since they are dating I’m doing them at the same time, but I have hopes for them separately and together. Starting with George:

One, I want George to start manifesting psychic powers like her mom. I have said it before and I’ll say it again. We got a glimpse of the sorts of things Victoria deals with everyday in the seance episode (ep 7) but George will never truly understand what her mother goes through until she experiences it for herself. Yes she now deals with ghosts and hauntings on a regular basis, but George can turn it off. She can step away and make out with Nick, and manage the Claw, and parent her sisters. Victoria can’t turn it off, and yes that has led to some character/parental failings on Victoria’s part but I still want her and George to have a loving relationship. Imagine George starts seeing visions and spirits and things she can’t turn off or walk away from, and finally understands how and why her mom is overwhelmed. And then imagine Victoria becoming incensed and heartbroken, because her abilities have made a mess of her life and she in no way shape or form wants it for her daughter. She immediately teaches George all the control she can, how to shut it off or block them out, and together she and George find new (sober) ways of dealing.

Two, I want to meet the Fan dads. George has two sisters, Ted and Jessie, and the three of them all have different dads. I would be fine with meeting any of them. And it would make an interesting storyline if it turns out one of the dads had no idea he had a daughter? I’m not married to any particular storyline, but there’s a lot of potential there and I want to see what the writers do with it. Onto Nick:

One, as is the case with everyone else, I want to know more about his family. They are all just chilling in Florida, and to our knowledge have never tried to meet up with their son who is now out of prison for a while now which is odd. I know from the episode description in 2x2 that his mom is going to come up for a visit, and I cannot wait to see how it plays out. He mentioned being the black sheep of the family (ep 11 I think) and the writers can’t just drop a line like that and not delve into it, come on.

Two. I know this is super random but I want him to get some sort of stable living situation. He has like 5 million bucks worth of bearer bonds he can’t just sleep on George’s couch for the rest of the show. Plus Harbor Day is over which means the hotels and stuff have opened up. I want him to have a home, is that so wrong of me? A space he can make his own and fill with classical novels and have sex with Nancy?

It’s not as specific as my Bess wish but I know how I want George and Nick’s relationship to go.

I want them to fall apart slowly against their wishes. I mentioned this in one of my earlier reviews. There is so much potential for angst here you guys. I want them to try and stay together because they do like each other, and are attracted to each other, and care about each other, but it’s just not enough. I want Nick to have situations where he consistently goes to Nancy over George for her help and neither of them really understand why. I want George to be desperate to hold onto him because she’s never really been with a guy like Nick before where she doesn’t have to hide and she likes that feeling. But despite their best efforts, it’s just not enough and they both realize it’s just not meant to be, and sadly let each other go.

Also I want Bess and George to be cousins no I will never shut up about it

Ace

Honestly Ace as a character is perfection. The writers could do anything with him and I would support it. Go crazy guys.

Although if he ended up with George I wouldn’t be opposed...

Ryan Hudson

Just two wants, and I probably won’t get either of them, but here it is.

One, we never saw how Ryan and George got together, and I’m hoping they can find a way to make it slightly less blegh. Like maybe their first run in was as a waitress/customer at the Claw, and she knew he was married but made out with him anyway, and then he pursued her after finding out she was in high school because he was already attracted to her. I despise Aria x Ezra and didn’t watch past season 2 of PLL but maybe they could do it like that, where he didn’t actually know she was 17 at first.

Two, now that they have officially established the George/Ryan thing was fucked up and in no way George’s fault and that it messed her up big time, I want Ryan to make amends. I want him to apologize to George, and have him understand that yes he wronged her, and took advantage of her, and he shouldn’t have done it. They’ll never be on great terms, but considering he is Nancy’s father hopefully they can at least get to a place where they are civil with each other, and he is always willing to help her out when she needs it.

Nancy Drew

NANCY. My girl. My babe. My daughter. Lucy’s daughter. Whatever shall we do with you.

One, no surprise here, I want Nancy to get back on good terms with Carson. I heard in an interview, I don’t remember where nor do I have the link, that Carson is going to be practicing law again this season and Nancy is going to be doing some sleuthing for him in regards to some cases. Nancy is a rational human being, and I am confident given enough time she will understand that her father was really doing what he thought was best, and trying to do right by Lucy and fulfill her dying wishes, and she’ll be able to forgive him.

Two, I want her and Ryan to get to an amicable relationship. Nancy has so many (justified) negative feelings towards Ryan, what with his whole being a rich sleaze who had an affair with a 17yo, but really as the first season went on Ryan became more and more of a sympathetic character. Now I’m not delusional, I know he’s not going to morph into an ideal father figure overnight. But I want him to work to be a part of Nancy’s life, and I want Nancy to let him. I want her to understand that yes Ryan has fucked up a lot of times, but he is capable of growth and redemption. And slowly but surely, despite her best efforts, he weasels his slightly smarmy little way into her heart. If we’re getting specific maybe Nancy can be abducted (again) and Carson and Ryan have to team up to rescue her.

Three, Nancy forgive Kate. She’s dead and she loved you and she was your mother whether or not she gave birth to you. Come on, you can do it.

Four. *deep inhale* Listen. I understand I am firmly in the minority here in a fandom filled with Nancy/Ace shippers, but I want Nick and Nancy to happen. As George and Nick slowly fall apart, I want Nancy to resist being there for Nick, to tell him he should really be going to George with these problems, and maybe they have a moment where Nancy falls off a step and Nick catches her and they’re super close for a second before JUMPING apart and immediately avoid each other for a while. I want Nancy to have feelings and fight them because she and George are on good terms and she knows Nick is good for George, and doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that friendship or their relationship.

Five, apparently Nancy is getting a new love interest 2 days after Ow*n’s death and I may have hated him but she was fairly into him and as such I am not here for it. Go away new love interest. We don’t want you here.

Dead Lucy

I don’t care in what capacity she is present but listen I NEED my dead traumatized daughter in this show okay? Dead Lucy is my hands down favorite character and I love and support her and if she moves on or finds peace or whatever after sticking around for 20 years just because I will RIOT. But specific wants, just a couple.

One, I have a scene in my head. It is a very specific scene. Nancy is on the bluffs and she turns around, and Lucy is there. Not screaming, not haunting, just there. Nancy is afraid to move, afraid to blink, afraid to breathe. But slowly, she walks up to Lucy. Lucy is standing there, bedraggled and dead, staring at her daughter who grew up to be so beautiful. Nancy is right in front of her. Lucy slowly lifts a hand to touch her cheek and Nancy gasps a little because she can’t quite feel it, not really, but almost. She whispers ‘hi mom’ and closes her eyes, there’s a wind, and Lucy is gone.

Two, I want a Lucy vs Aglaeca showdown. I have no idea what they have planned for the Aglaeca origin story, and it’s fairly likely she will have been victimized by the Marvin family somehow, but right now she is going after Nancy and Lucy is not going to stand for it. Aglaeca shows up to try and take their souls and then Lucy goes all Molly Weasley on her ass and does that deathly scream thing and TACKLES the Aglaeca, and then screams her off just like “NOT MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH.” and buys the Drew Crew time to do whatever Aglaeca banishing ritual they need to do. That would be nifty.

That’s it

Wow this post turned out to be a lot longer than I expected but there you have it. Hit me up in the notes or in my asks, lmk what you guys want to see for season 2. Oh but please bare in mind, I do live in CA and so see this show three hours after anyone living on the East Coast, and will be actively avoiding spoilers.

Can’t wait until tonight when 2x1, The Search for the Midnight Wraith airs. Stay tuned for my review xo

#Nancy Drew cw #Nancy Drew #Bess Marvin #George Fan #Ned Nickerson #Ned Nick Nickerson #Ace #Carson Drew #Ryan Hudson #Dead Lucy #Lucy Sable #Bess x Amaya #Nick x Nancy #Drewson #Nancy Drew s2 #today is the day

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incarnateirony · 4 years

Text

So recently I made a post (x) about reasons behind the fanon schisms that divorce themselves from the actual canon. Some of it has to do with people hyper-identifying and not being ready for the message, others come with people that spent far too many years with open and loosely filled sandboxes and character definition in early seasons that gave the characters a certain plasticity.

So @dotthings recently made a post (x) in sync with this to some level as well, focusing more on one particular lane’s behaviors.

This, ultimately, sent me off onto a rant in my server’s meta-salt section (aka #meta-pickling) that I figured I’d immortalize in the public view as well:

Bronlies were honestly who I had in mind when it came to things like early open sandbox vs archetypes. Loose archetypes let them imagine very openly what the characters were like. The loose canon sandbox was also very wide and flexible, the text (much less subtext) wasn't as dense.

But the longer SPN went on the less room there was and the more it required them directly pushing back against the canon content, recalibrating it, warping it. Early canon didn't make them confront where their readings were off base because the base was already slim. As the canon evolved and they drifted left of it, they still had several years where they could kind of do fuck all, and by the time canon was boxing them in, they had years of patterned behavior of denying/sculpting canon.

Key moments I can think of are S5 with Dark Side of the Moon active misinterpretation or that accursed Zachariah line where they ignore the end of the episode showing it was horse shit.

At this point they were already running into canon walls they kept trying to make me about them, but no matter how many circular arguments they ran with the content while missing the entire point, they remained objectively wrong, even if they wanted to convince themselves they were right, so they continued veering more and more aggressively left.

Gamble era didn't help at all, and it's probably why they love her, bc once again the text got, IDK. It was diet text. Lots of bounce around room for chaotic reads. So by the time Carver came back and as showrunner and hit the reset button they were already way the fuck off center.

S4-5, and S8+ is when, for lack of a better phrase, the characters got souls--not like in literal storyline, but in the complexity of their vision and coming to life.

Sometimes those souls did things we do or don't like, but the expansion of those souls over the kripkegamblecarverdabb sandbox that proves fairly hollow without it, is also what makes it very hard for people that just wanna use them as barbies to have... room to interpret the canon text/world as that.

I remember on rewatch how utterly painful watching S6 was, and it has nothing to do with Cas' story for me as for many people. The characters were... plastic. They were barely even representative of their old archetypes. After a few dense years of serialization and expansion in S4-5, all of a sudden they were acting like teenage girls, but it was boy drama!!!

S6 bros didn't even resemble what S4-5 bros had grown into, not even remotely.

I'm gonna say it: in this metaphor, Cas is the serpent that gave a soul to the show. Gamble try to shovel him off, frame him as a villain, and remove him from the picture and it straight-up backfired. Think gnostic, where Chuck (the author) created the bodies that became man, but it wasn’t until something that existed outside of it reached through that they became humanity as we know it, complete with souls.

It’s no surprise how often villain-Chuck-the-bad-writer brings up her work and ideas as awesome, either. Leviathans are great! Monsters! Rararar. Ooga booga. What’s a Cas.

He yielded a whole level of complexity that there was no “putting back in the box.” Gamble tried, but the show started crashing and burning. By S7, she tried to revert to “cardboard cutout guys dancing in loosely defined world with a year long monster of the week” storyline and honestly, we saw the results. The same people deny what the results were despite all existing information to the contrary, but that’s nothing new.

But at the end of the day, doubling down and failing to figure out where they veered off course while insisting on playing barbies with S1-3 style characters and demanding their fanon ideas of the characters from those seasons remain the current course leads to being wildly divorced from the show while ignoring what gave the show it’s complexity, it’s strength, and it’s soul. A show that started failing without that element -- both the thing/character who was the original source but also the native complexity and wide-spanning emotional spectrum each character themselves develops after this point, independent of the original creature/character of the advent.

Carver era may have done some things other parts of fandom don’t like, too. The characters disappoint people at times and challenge them at others. But the Carver reset seems to be when the schism completely manifested, because those minor areas of story-disappointment were still getting warped by habit into other schemas, and by the time we drifted into Dabb era, who completely opted to subvert the old ways, in ways Carver only flirted with, these people were off in some whole-assed AU not too dissimilar from the random shoddy drafts in Chuck’s head, which aren’t The Ones. Not the Real Sam and Dean, as even Chuck put it. Not this Sam. Not this Dean. As the characters said. Just plastic playthings.

Which is utterly fascinating because while these same fandom people understand Chuck is a shot at them (one even called Dabb’s writing “vindictive”), they also choose to align themselves with Chuck’s POV to this day, despite knowing the futility of rooting for the bad guy. They know the bad guy is going to lose. But the bad guy is the only one that endorses their plastique character ideas and creates the worlds and settings they want, rather than rooting for the individualized characters as people all their own, outside of Chuck’s point of view. And due to upend it.

I can’t imagine trying to watch canon on that level, where historically you’ve fused the villain viewpoint to the heroes’ and identify the heroes as their suffering, rather than their victory. Chuck is the highlighter on it, but this tracks--such as back to DSOTM I mentioned above, where they embraced an old Zachariah line that Zachariah himself even said was bullshit at the end of the episode. This litters time and again through the show, lording how Michael talks down a character they didn’t like or X, Y, and Z elements; wanting these heroes to fail, to be reduced to their barest blackened form and never regrow. To remove the soul of the show and watch them melt in a loosely constructed sandbox.

I fear inquiring how they watch other TV shows.

#supernatural #spn #fandom #meta #my meta #i guess this is meta #mildew

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soysaucecas · 3 years

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oooh for the ask game 24, 30, and 44!

MAGPIE MY BELOVED HELLO

24. What are your favorite episodes?

The only episodes I've really watched are TMWWBK (which is my favorite episode and I'm certain would still be my favorite if I watched every single one because it has the only SPN character and the only SPN line), The French Mistake (which was funny enough but honestly in the Just Okay category for me, which makes me pretty sure I wouldn't enjoy actually watching SPN if this is one of the funniest/highest-rated eps), and Reading Is Fundamental (my best friend was watching it and asked me if I wanted to hop on Discord, I thought it might be fun to see Kevin's first introduction but instead this ep found the two of us taking like 90 minutes to get through it bc we kept pausing and screaming (derogatory) as the model minority stereotype jokes piled up and up and up... Unfortunately not a favorite even if we got Meg AND the "pull my finger" joke AND the "Sorry" shot). Other than TMWWBK, from clipping and transcript-reading, I like Wayward Sisters (who doesn't?), The Things We Left Behind (Claire!!!! Cas trying to be a dad! The diner scene aka my favorite destiel scene of all time bc being in love just looks so good on Cas! Also the parallels between Claire and Randy and teen Dean and the adults at that club in his story... woof.), Golden Time (Eileen gets to be HERE and be sad and loved and fight people with ghost powers and Cas gets to do a cool speech and a stabbing and do the Asian community a favor), and Lucifer Rising (just immensely sexy on all counts for Ruby, Sam, Cas, and myself). Also I am SO fond of Steve!Cas so I'll add Heaven Can't Wait even if I barely know anything about it.

30. What is an unpopular opinion or headcanon you have about the show?

Ooh okay hm I think. So I adore confession scene, but I don't think the "I cared about the whole world because of you" is like. The Objective Truth the way that most bloggers seem to take it. Cas was lobotomized tons of times before he met Dean, he was described as coming off the line with a crack in his chassis, he's always been the weird little angel who likes humanity too much! I don't think Dean came first, and although gay love was part of what helped Cas invent free will, he *Ruby voice* didn't need the feather to fly, Dumbo! I do think Cas believes what he says in the moment, but I also think he sorta... made himself believe it? This is probably just me deciding that cas-coding should go both ways, but like. I very much crush as a coping mechanism and I very much overascribe my actions to love because it simply seems more noble/poetic to do so. Being miserable because school is hard is cringefail but being miserable because of unrequited love is Good Shit. And I have been in unrequited love with my best friend for at least 7 years (probably 9 but I didn't realize it earlier) and if you asked I would 100% say that she taught me love and defined love for me and that she will be my first and last, but I also know that that is not entirely true; it's just the narrative that I like for myself. And I think that being in an Empty deal contingent on whether or not he LETS himself feel happy would lead Cas to do plenty of mental maneuvering, which I think involved intentional self-poor-little-meow-meow-ification via overascribing his choices and happiness to Dean (and I also think he'd already been doing that for a while just because of personal self-worth issues and because it's a nice narrative). I know as Cas's last Moment on the show it was probably written to be The Objective Truth, but I am perceiving him and I say no.

44. If you could write an episode of Supernatural, what would happen?

Oh scream okay! This is a fun one! I am going to start out with two ideas from other people:

1. Months ago Nate from the pocnatural discord had the idea of an episode from the "monster"'s perspective where the Winchesters are just clearly the antagonists while not doing anything different than they usually do. I think the idea was that all these supernatural beings live in a self-regulating community together and we have one Very Likable pov character who's a member of this community, but one of the newer members messes up one day and kills someone and the Winchesters come on a case and wreak havoc on this Very Much Functioning (there was going to be a whole rehab and reparations thing for the new member who messed up!) system and kill pov character and in the end you just HATE Sam and Dean for it.

2. It's hard to adapt anything from bad moon rising (aka my favorite spn fic) very well because the point of an Arab Winchesters season 1 rewrite is that it doesn't really work with the white characters we have now, but I think I could see a version of chapter 2 adapted as long as Haley (an Ojibwe hunter who lives in the area affected by what Sam and Dean are hunting) takes the lead. I'd especially like to see this section:

Dean laughs, a little disbelievingly. The question has never crossed his mind. “Do you like it?”

This gives Haley no pause at all. “Yeah,” she says. “I mean, it’s not really about killing monsters, though, for me. Or, it’s not always about killing monsters. It’s about community. Not violence. It’s a spiritual thing to build a home, you know?”

“Oh,” Dean says. He can’t think of anything else to say. It has never crossed his mind before that hunting could be compatible with a community.

I don't have any original episode ideas to add to the hunting discourse, so we're on to my ideas about character-driven eps. I think I would like to see a version of my sastiel possession fic (ty again for beta-ing that! you're a real one) as an ep around the time of 9.11 because Sam deserves to work through their trauma, but idk what the Dean plot should be for that. Another thing I would like very much is TFW drunk history storytime (so like. Tall Tales bass boosted), where for some reason they all need to go over what they were doing during Stanford era but each of them is telling someone else's story. It's gonna be either Sam->Dean->Cas->Sam or Dean->Sam->Cas->Dean. It starts out very funny (they all have terrible wigs and makeup in the flashbacks. Cas is Jimmy wearing a giant mask with googly eyes on it.) but as it goes on it gets increasingly sad how much these three don't really know each other.

In the Sam->Dean->Cas->Sam episode, Sam's telling of Dean's past veers wildly between "crushing pussy and killing things" and "feels like absolute shit all the time" and it's funny but Not Right and afterwards Dean goes "I didn't know you thought of me that way" and Sam says "... I am basically reading off the voicemails you left me back then" and Dean has to sit there and contend with the mythology he himself wrote for Sam to believe in. Dean->Cas provides the comedic beats for the episode as Dean awkwardly narrates Cas's Life As A Weird Little Guy who watches trees grow and heals babies and in the end Dean goes "so how did I do" and Cas is like "well actually I was either getting lobotomized or murdering people so like 3/10?" The moral of this plot line is that Dean is bi. Cas gives a fairly faithful retelling of Sam living her trans little life at Stanford and veering between trying to be Normal and being a total weirdgirl and feeling guilty and angry and happy and free. It becomes clear that Cas admires Sam a lot (but also feels like. guilt and some self-recrimination for not being that) for rebelling from their dad and exploring their queerness during a time Cas was still to his knowledge in total soldier mode, and Sam is having an a_good_soldier's Thesis 5 moment about how she failed the kid she used to be and how very sorry they are about all the things that happened to them, and Dean hates that this is the first he's hearing about so much of this but is also quite emo about the parts where Sam is struggling. The ep ends with them all in the same room not looking at each other and not knowing if they want to group hug or never talk again.

Dean->Sam->Cas episode is similar but the storytelling dissolves a lot faster as it becomes clearer way faster how much their own emotions are getting in the way. Dean is upset that Sam could leave their family so easily and probably swing a normal life, Sam keeps wondering what it would be like to live millennia just KNOWING that you were right and good and clean, and Cas is gay and veering between fitting Dean's life into a larger Righteous Man narrative and just being very tender (and sad and angry) about Dean's pain. Episode ends in a rather cathartic shouting match where they all end up apologizing to each other for many things.

Oh also I would like to see Cassie again but I don't have an episode in mind there. Also would love to see Kaia adjusting to life in Sioux Falls and befriending the others and dealing with Bad Place trauma.

tysm for the questions sorry for taking so long!

(ask game)

#ask #long post

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hawkland · 3 years

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For the questions meme, 1, 18,46 :)

1 - What are three shows in your watchlist that you’ve been meaning to get to?

Ah, ok this is the easiest one (I think).

Battle Creek - my friend @mazephoenix recced this to me a while back and I keep meaning to binge/inhale it soon, since it’s only 13 episodes (and I do love Dean Winters!) It looks like it’s right up my alley, but do I need another tiny, doomed orphan fandom? Probably not, but y’all know me.

The Umbrella Academy - again, a couple friends recced this to me a while back when I said I was looking for something new to watch that met some of my general likes. In fact I was about to start on it when I got diverted by SPN, and with that being 15 seasons (which I’m now rewatching both in sequence with Mr. Hawkland and in bits and pieces as I need for fic)...yeah, um. Next time I need something new, perhaps?

The Crown - historical drama that I think Mr. Hawkland and I would both enjoy. He’s more into British history than I am, but an acquaintance actually has a minor role in it and I’m dying to see that. It’s been in my netflix queue for months at this point.

18 - What’s one historical event that you would have liked to have witnessed?

It might be dorky to say, but either The Beatles at Shea Stadium in 1965, or one of the 1980-81 Pink Floyd The Wall performances. I’m just that much of a music nerd and those are probably the two concerts I would have loved to be alive/old enough to experience when they happened.

46 - What’s the last thing a friend recommended to you that you looked into and actually liked?

Somehow I knew someone would ask me that and I’m trying to remember, hmm. I am notoriously hard to pimp into fandoms but ...probably @mazephoenix again when she encouraged me to watch Oz and put up with my watch-thru rantings and ravings! Feels like a long time ago, but yeah, like I said, I’m hard to pimp stuff at because my tastes can be really weird and finicky, and push something at me too much and I’m likely to NOT like it, almost spitefully (sort of what happened with me and The Expanse when I kept having it pushed at me. “No but it gets really good next season! You’ll see!” Sorry but after not enjoying three whole seasons so far and the only character I liked was dead, I wasn’t going to try a fourth.)

#thanks for the ask #50 questions

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unkemptcastiel · 4 years

Text

SPN Finale

I try to limit w/ank on this blog so in the midst of reblogging posts that share my discontentment for the series ending, I don't want to end this show on sole negativity, because it means so much to me. So I'm gonna sum up my feelings on the ending, good and bad. Then I’m going to try to focus on having fun, reblogging memes and reliving good memories with the show and the fandom.

Good:

As far as the show has communicated, everyone is happy. Dean, Sam, Bobby, Rufus, John & Mary, Cas, all apparently happy. Yay!

I like that heaven's walls were taken down. That's something that never felt right to me and seemed indicative of heaven's problems in general- like the fact that everything was so harshly ordered to the point of isolating humans in farces of happiness-bubbles of recreated memories, that all just felt a bit fake and like a symptom of the larger problem of how angels viewed and treated humans. So I'm happy they changed that! :)

I like Betty as new Death.

OH I also liked the brief re-intro of the two archangels. It may have been a little wasted, (but this is the positivity section!) but it was a dynamic I wanted to see for ages. Also lucifer calling michael a cuck: Amazing.

I'm glad Jack didn't die. He's my son and I love him.

Also the thing with the dog & chuck.. pure comedy gold. Amazing.

Confusing:

I'm a little confused what happens to the dimensional "repeat" characters, like.. are there two bobby's chilling next door to each other in heaven, of bobby and apocalypse-world bobby? It's not a huge issue it just wasn't really addressed.

I'm also wondering if angels are basically extinct now? Like Cas is apparently ok but last we heard there were like 7 whole angels left. How's that goin. Hello?

I'm assuming hell is operating per usual? It's been a while since we've seen Rowena but I think she's still running things. A little unsure of where the balance lies between heaven and hell just due to how decimated the angels are.

I'm assuming Jody, and Alex, and Claire and all them are good? Would've liked a check-in of some sort on the recurring characters tbh. There was a lot of me and my friend asking "... So what happened to them?" about side characters who we never really got any goodbye for.

Also same with Amara being kinda written off.

Speaking of, was the woman Sam ended up with Eileen?? It was unclear to me. If not, I wish they would've mentioned her; she's a character I care about a lot.

Bad (Let’s say “Critique”):

The shows writing has dipped each season imo, and this season often felt particularly hollow. I'm not quite sure how to better communicate it beyond... The way it was shot, the dialogue, every behind-the-scenes choice just felt... Off. It was very off-putting, all season for me.

The "Destiel" thing: I’m sorry, it still felt queerbaiting. I'm queer myself but I've never personally really shipped destiel, nor any ship amongst the main trio. So, while not being very invested in a romantic form of Dean+Cas's relationship, I still felt that the confession was used more as a last-minute ploy to attract queer fans who may have since left the show, or in some attempt to make everyone happy, make it ambiguous so both queer and het fans wouldn't feel like their understanding of dean & cas was infringed on. I understand that, from a show-ending perspective, especially from a show that owes so much to its fans, that they'd want to please everybody. Unfortunately, queer representation is still lacking enough that anything outside of clear, unambiguous GAY that no one could argue is anything else, is still sort of regressive and potentially harmful to the LGBTQ+ community. So it ended up feeling like a throw-away, last-minute-gays but still semi-hetero cop-out situation, sadly. (I also think the release of the script was very deliberate in stressing that Dean cannot reciprocate whatever feelings Cas has. It communicated to me "MAYBE a non-human character could be ambiguously-maybe-queer but one of the two leads? Absolutely not.")

On that note --perhaps as a result of the confession scene-- the boys' relationship with Cas felt really weird in the end. For someone they've known and fought with for 12 years, the idea that they wouldn't even look for a way to save him ... It felt OOC, painting Dean and Sam as kind of heartless. I also feel that having Cas saved off-screen and never reappearing on-screen was generally.. a little disrespectful to Misha. His performance of Castiel literally changed the show for the rest of its run (if you're unaware, he was supposed to have a few episodes in s4 and that's it. His performance floored fans so much that he was signed on as a recurring character and eventual series main). So treating him as an afterthought felt callous, both in-show-universe and out here in the real world, show business-wise.

I don't care that Dean was killed by "a nail." I don't care lol. As long as the character didn't die of dysentery or something it doesn't read as stupid or humiliating, imo. I saw it and was like "ye shit happens." And Sam left to live a normal life- Good! My boy’s happy.

My primary issue with how Dean & Sam's lives and deaths went was this:

They make the entire show seem pointless.

To explain: the way that Sam and Dean's lives were going before the events of the pilot were: Dean is hunting primarily on his own, Sam is lined up to live a normal and happy life and eventually start a family of his own. It is discussed many times early-seasons that Dean expects to die early, due to the dangers of hunting, even though it is revealed that he also deeply wants a safe and happy life, he feels it is unattainable. Sam loves his family, but just wants out, and is getting to have that.

Usually in fiction, if an arc is set up then change is to occur to resolve the arc in a new and hopefully better place than it was originally. 15x20 however, looked at s1 Dean and Sam and said "Yep you guessed it exactly right." In-universe, their lives were on these paths once Sam left and went to college, which was a pre-pilot event. The "inciting incident" of the show, which acts as the pilot and which causes the rest of the show to happen in the first place, is Sam leaving his path for normality and returning to hunting. By ending this show with Dean dying on a hunt like he always expected, and Sam leaving to live a normal life with a family like he always originally planned: this arc is negated. We’re basically put right back in a pre-pilot spn world.

This ending was all already lined up to happen pre-pilot. This was ALREADY going to be their lives before the show ever started in 2005-- as a result, the show's events were just a bunch of messiness and conflict in the middle; but spn still ended for the boys the way it would have if basically all the events of the show 2005-2020 just never happened.

So it makes the show seem superfluous, and to me as a viewer it felt insulting because it felt like we ended right where we started, or we went backwards, and it implied that it was a waste of time to even watch the show if it was always going to end the same no matter what events transpired in between. THAT'S what upset me by this ending.

tl;dr: The show's writing felt rushed, confused, and emotionally hollow. As such, we didn't get to see much on the many side characters we care about, which was disappointing. The disappearance of Cas made him seem insignificant and the way each brother's life went was exactly as they were going before the events of the pilot, thus their lives were filled with extra needless pain and turmoil before ending the way they always expected, making the entirety of the show's events and its existence seem useless. Because I loved these characters and invested near a decade into them, this feels insulting to me on the characters' behalf, and on my own behalf as a viewer. That's my issue with the 15x20 ending.

However, I still take more positivity out of this show as a whole than negativity. I’m grateful it even existed in the first place, and that is what I want to try to focus on. 15x20 is one episode. Are there more episodes I dislike? Sure. But they are still a minority in a show that will hold my love for.. the forseeable future. So to every fan, those who disliked the ending and those who loved it, you’re valid, I’m glad I got to know some of you, &

#15x20 #supernatural #finale #spn spoilers #review #positivity #negativity #critique

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queen-of-deans-booty · 4 years

Text

Drops of Jupiter

Characters: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Word Count: 1,810

Warnings: minor mentions of psychological abuse in relationships, fluff at the end

Summary: You finally reutrn home after a longtrip around the world. You miss your best friend, but he may miss you more.

Beta: she wants to remain anonymous

Squares Filled: drops of jupiter by train for spnsongbingochallenge (2019 card) // road trip for @spngenrebingo

Author’s Note: If you have any requests, please send them in!

Feedback the glue that holds my writing together

Tags at the bottom

One thing I hate doing is saying goodbye to the love of my life. She doesn’t know she’s the love of my life, but it’s not like I can just tell her that. She has big dreams to travel the world and experience many cultures and try different kinds of food from their native place. I’m stuck on the set of Supernatural, and while I love my job with all of my heart, it kills me that I can’t give her what she wants.

Each time she comes back, she’s changed in some way, but I know the woman I fell for is still underneath all the tan skin and sun-kissed hair. I want to tell her to stay with me, but how can I take away her dreams? I'm nobody, and I can’t give her the world right now. I can give her my world, but I don’t think she wants that.

Now that she's back in the atmosphere With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey She acts like summer and walks like rain Reminds me that there's a-time to change, hey, hey Since the return of her stay on the moon She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey Hey, hey

She’s finally back. We stopped filming for the week since the director needed to go to the hospital where his family is. I offered to direct, but he had a set vision for these next few episodes that production will pick back up when he gets back. Y/N is back in town, and I know she’s going to tell me all about how she loved the places she visited. I offered to meet her at a coffee shop, which is where I’m heading now. I can’t wait to see her even if she might be a different person.

She’s there when I arrive, and I can’t help but stare at the person she’s become. Is it weird all I see is the girl I grew up with? The girl that used to invite me to her sleepovers because I didn’t have many guy friends of my own? I wasn’t allowed to sleep in her room per her parent’s request, but that didn’t stop her from coming to me. We all slept in the living room because she didn’t want me feeling left out.

Now she’s here, and I can see the physical change. She looks brighter, happier, and I wonder if meeting me was something she felt like she had to do. Her hair is brighter, her skin is darker, and she wears the clothes from her many journeys across the world. She looks warm and bright, but all I can think about is how graceful and beautiful she can be. She resembles rain for being so delicate and gentle.

“Jensen!” she calls my name once she sees me. I force a smile on my face and head over to her. I give her a tight hug, and I can tell she’s lost a lot of weight. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or not.

“Wow, you look amazing,” I compliment as we take out seats.

“I would hope so. I didn’t spend a whole week at Barbados for nothing,” she laughs. She immediately digs in deep about where she’s been and what she’s been doing, and I try my best to listen to her. All I can focus on is how dreamy she looks when she talks of these places.

She would never want to stay here in Vancouver with me. Why would she when she’s experienced the world?

But tell me did you sail across the sun Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded And that heaven is overrated?

“Are you happy?” I ask.

“What do you mean?” she wonders and takes a bite of the salad she ordered when she got here.

“Is the world everything you thought it would be?”

“And more!” she exclaims. “I never thought I would ever see such beautiful landmarks! I mean the beaches are so clear, the people are so nice, and the food is delicious! I don’t know why I didn't do this sooner!”

She tells me all the reasons she loves traveling, but she never mentions the people she’s with. I know she went on her own, but she must have made friends along the way. All I’m hearing about is nature and how good the food is. That’s no way to travel. I’ve tried going to places by myself, and it’s never as fun as going with someone I love. It’s why I love going to conventions with Jared, Misha, and the rest of the cast. It’s about making memories with the people you love, not about the places you visit.

She can be just as happy here with me if she can only see I’m the one she should be with.

Tell me did you fall from a shooting star One without a permanent scar And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

I’m nowhere near perfect, but I think I can offer a lot more than she’s expecting. I have a great job if she’s interested in money (which I know she isn’t). I make her laugh, which is kind of important, in my opinion. I see the pictures she posted on her social media, and the smile she shows is not nearly as big as the one she has when I’m with her.

I feel as if she looks at the world through a corrected lense, and only sees what she wants to see. I’m real, I’m here, and I have scars that will be there for the rest of my life--emotional and physical. There are no lenses that can cover them up. I don’t know if that’s what scares her, but I don’t know how to tell her that these scars made me a better person.

Did she even miss me while she was out there, living her life? Did she meet guys and have fun with them while I’m back here wishing I was with her? Can’t she see how much this is affecting me? Or does she not care at all?

Now that she's back in the atmosphere I'm afraid that she might think of me as Plain ol' Jane, told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

While I have been around the world for conventions, I don’t really have any experiences from those countries. I go there, talk in front of groups, maybe sing, and then it’s off to the next country. I don’t really get time to myself to explore and make my own memories. Does Y/N think I’m too boring for her? Does she want someone as adventurous as her? I can be adventurous, but my job comes first. Supernatural is ending soon, so maybe after I’ll have some time for myself. Will she still be here when it’s over?

I guess the one thing I’m afraid of is her traveling, meeting new people, and telling them of me--the guy she knew back home who is too afraid to actually do something with my life. I don’t see myself as that kind of guy, but whenever she rolls into town, I can’t help but see that. Will I ever be good enough for her?

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken Your best friend always sticking up for you Even when I know you're wrong Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance Five-hour phone conversation The best soy latte that you ever had, and me

“Did you even miss me at all?” I blurt out, interrupting her story of how she went surfing with strangers she met in Australia.

“What?” she asks, her voice softening.

“You know, you travel all around the world, and I am so happy for you. I am so unbelievably happy for you that you get to do what you’ve always dreamed of doing. But don’t you miss me? I sure as hell miss you. I wasn’t going to say anything, but I don’t think I can do this anymore, Y/N.

“Don’t you miss having deep-fried chicken with me in my trailer? How we challenge each other who can finish the bucket first without throwing up? Don’t you miss the way I stick up for you in arguments I know you’re wrong? I still do it anyway because I love the way you smile and giggle when you’ve won.

“Don’t you miss the way we would dance together at Supernatural parties. That first dance when your heart pounds in excitement and nerves? What about the five-hour phone conversations we would have when we couldn’t sleep at night? You know, I haven’t heard your voice in over seven months because you’re up with I’m sleeping and vice versa.

“Don’t you miss the way I would bring you your soy latte that I know you like? I never got it wrong, and I don’t think people in Italy or Russia knows you the way I do. You can travel around the world and see all these great places, but they don’t have me. Don’t you miss me? Because I miss you every damn second of my life, and it kills me to see you so happy without me.”

“Jensen,” she whispers as a tear fell from her eye. I fear I’ve gone too far and ruined whatever we had left, but she gets up and joins me on my side of the booth.

“I miss you more than you realize. These places are no fun without you. That’s why I try to do all these fun things so I can forget how much I miss you. But, I stay alone in my hotel room every night and just cry because you’re not there next to me. It’s why I left early and came back. I don’t want to do this without you.”

“I can't go anywhere until filming is done. I have conventions in the summer, the cast and I need to go to.”

“It doesn’t matter. Anywhere with you is an adventure. You are what makes it fun. I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner, but I’m realizing it now. I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” I struggle to get out because of how emotional I am. I waste no time and cup her cheeks. She meets me halfway, and I finally get to feel what her lips are like, how soft they can be, and what they taste like. The woman I used to know is coming out of her shell, and I’m proud of myself for finding her. She is nowhere near done experiencing the world, but she’ll wait for me to see the rest.

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