#i keep switching between wanting them to stay unhealthy and wanting to find a way for them to actually really help each other | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mbti-notes · 6 months

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Anon wrote: I'm a 20 year old INFJ girl. I know you don't like to say what decisions people should or shouldn't make in their lives, but I would like to ask for help to understand what I should do from now on, maybe something for me to reflect on this situation.

A few months ago I entered college and met an INFP girl, we talked about going out after we became friends and we had an exclusive relationship, although without the label of girlfriends. It's been two months since she sent me a message explaining the reasons why she doesn't feel ready for a serious relationship, one of them being the experiences of her past relationships and, according to her, the fact that during our relationship she didn't

She wasn't honest with herself and with me, repressing feelings she likes to feel and suffocating the freedom she has at the moment.

We argued a lot and had conversations that ended in hurt and resentment on both sides. I must take responsibility for this because I let my confused and intense emotions get the best of me and I have become extremely immature and toxic since then, I have done bad things like accusing her, offending her and even suggesting that I would kill myself to make her feel guilty about this.

All of this is tearing me apart, I'm not being able to figure out my life and do the things I need to do to become a better person. I feel like I went back to square one and became the worst version of myself again, I haven't even been able to sleep or eat properly, I spend practically my entire day on my cell phone and when I'm bored I try to torment that girl with things that I know will affect her. -there.

She's fine with staying friends but I don't know if I should go through with it. I want her around, but every time I imagine her getting over this and moving on to the next relationship it hurts me because I want her with me. I tried to block it and stay away but nothing has helped because I always go back on my words and on her.

I don't want to lose her but it hurts me a lot to know that everything ended even though I tried everything to make sure it didn't happen, even proposing other relationship alternatives and listing the things that could be changed. What do I do? I really don't want to give up and leave her.

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Questions for Reflection:

1) What do I want versus what do I need?

Do you know the difference between "need" and "want"? A need is legitimate, universal to all humans, and must be satisfied in order to live a fulfilling life. A want is a path/method of fulfilling a need, but wants are not always legitimate. People who confuse needs and wants often end up chasing the wrong things in life and/or feeling inexplicably unsatisfied whenever they get what they want.

A want is legitimate if it is a positive and constructive way of obtaining what you need. A want is illegitimate when it leads you to destruction or to harm yourself/others, which, in the end, actually prevents you from obtaining what you need. If your want is determined to be illegitimate, then you have a moral responsibility to switch direction or find a different method of obtaining what you need, otherwise, you might do tremendous harm, getting further and further away from living a fulfilling life.

Based on what you've said, what you want is an exclusive relationship with this particular girl. It's impossible because she doesn't want it. Therefore, this is a dead end for you, yet you keep trying to go this way, why? You need something but don't know how to get it. Presumably, if you want an exclusive relationship, you legitimately need things such as romance, companionship, or love. However, the path/method you are using to fulfill these needs is illegitimate, because you are causing harm and actually destroying your chances of establishing a loving relationship, so it is your responsibility to change direction, in whatever form that must take.

If your Ni is unhealthy, you get stuck and fixated on only one way of doing things, which means it's time to zoom out and use Ni more appropriately to look at the bigger picture. Thus, the follow-up is: Clarify exactly what it is you need and then ask yourself, "What is a better and healthier alternative for getting my needs met?"

2) What kind of person do I want to be?

Do you want to feel proud of who you are and conduct yourself in a way that allows you to sleep well at night? As alluded to above, you have moral responsibilities in a relationship. When you shirk those responsibilities, how do you feel? It's not a good way to live, is it?

You speak as though you have little to no control over this situation, yet the negativity that has transpired since the breakup is down to the decisions you have made. When faced with the choice to do the right or wrong thing, by your own admission, you have too many times chosen to do the wrong thing. The question is, why do you choose the wrong way if it's going to make you feel terrible?

Being a moral person isn't easy, otherwise, we'd live in a wonderfully moral world. But being a moral person is essential to feeling like a good, worthy, and whole person. If you want to feel that way, then you need to pause and think before acting, in order to make decisions that align better with the kind of person you hope to be. Perhaps you need to work on your critical thinking skills so that you can think through problems and make decisions more successfully.

3) What kind of partner do I want to be?

You have a problem with emotional regulation and this often coincides with Se grip and impulsive behavior in INFJs. Do you have to act on every feeling and emotion that pops into your head? If your Fe is unhealthy, then you cannot bear to suffer alone, so you make others suffer along with you. This makes you a poor choice of romantic partner (i.e. "toxic") because you can accept violating and harming people. It sounds like you need to work on yourself in two ways:

Improve your emotional intelligence in order to i) learn how to take responsibility for your own feelings rather than inflicting them upon others, and ii) learn to manage intense emotions better.

Improve your boundary setting skills so that you know how to i) separate your feelings from others', and then ii) show proper respect for yourself and others.

I have written about these two topics before and they are both related to essential Fe development, search the tags. There are also recommended books on the resources list. If you're unable to improve these two things on your own, the problem might be deeper than you think, in which case work with a therapist to get to the bottom of it.

Generally speaking, if toxic relationship behavior reaches extreme levels, i.e., it interferes with life in a very serious way and/or does serious harm, it could be a sign of a personality disorder that requires professional treatment. I don't think this is the case for you, but I don't really know you. It's up to you to reflect honestly on the full extent of the problem and reach out for help as needed. The good news is that, as long as a person has enough self-awareness to realize they have a problem, there is always hope for improvement.

#infj #infj relationships #relationships #breakup #needs #ask

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gemkubiat · 2 years

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WEIGHT LOSS TIPS

You're looking for ways to lose weight, and we're here to help. After all, healthy weight loss is within reach for anyone who's willing to put in the work.

There's no one-size-fits-all approach to weight loss, but there are some general tips that can help you get started. Here are a few of our favorites:

Click here to see my number one way of losing weight quickly

1. Start by making small changes to your diet and exercise routine.

2. Drink plenty of water and avoid sugary drinks.

3. Avoid processed foods and eat more whole foods.

4. Exercise regularly and mix up your workouts to keep things interesting.

5. Find a support system that will help you stay motivated.

6. Be patient and stick with it – weight loss doesn't happen overnight!

7. Celebrate your successes along the way!

Cut Out Processed Foods

You know that processed foods are bad for you. But sometimes it's hard to break the habit of eating them.

I get it. I used to be a processed food addict myself. But once I made the switch to whole, unprocessed foods, I started to feel a lot better. My energy levels went up, and I lost weight without even trying.

So how do you make the switch? It's not as hard as you think. Start by cutting out processed foods from your diet. That doesn't mean you can never eat them again, but try to limit them as much as possible.

Choose whole, unprocessed foods instead. Fresh fruits and vegetables, lean protein, whole grains, and healthy fats are all great choices. When you eat these types of foods, you'll be doing your body a favor health-wise and weight-wise.

Eat More Protein and Fiber

When it comes to losing weight, protein and fiber are your best friends.

Protein helps you feel full longer, which means you're less likely to snack between meals. And fiber keeps you regular, which helps you stay on track with your diet.

So how do you make sure you're getting enough protein and fiber? Try adding more high-protein foods to your diet, like eggs, poultry, fish, legumes, and nuts. And load up on fiber-rich fruits and vegetables, like broccoli, Brussels sprouts, beans, and berries.

Drink Plenty of Water

You know you should be drinking more water, but it's hard to make a habit of it. Here are a few tips to make it a little bit easier:

1. Carry a water bottle with you wherever you go. This way, you'll always have access to water and you'll be more likely to drink it.

2. Set a goal for yourself. Decide how many glasses of water you want to drink each day and work towards meeting that goal.

3. Drink plenty of water before meals. This will help you feel full and eat less.

4. Add fruit or herbs to your water for extra flavor. This can help make drinking water more enjoyable and help you meet your daily intake goals.

Avoid Eating Late in the Night

You've probably been told that it's best to avoid eating late at night if you want to lose weight. And there's a good reason for that.

When you eat late at night, your body doesn't have a chance to burn off those calories before you go to bed. And over time, that can add up to some serious weight gain. So if you're serious about losing weight, try to make dinnertime your last meal of the day.

Get Enough Sleep

Get enough sleep. This is something that's so important, and it's often overlooked. When you're well-rested, you're going to have more energy and be less likely to indulge in unhealthy foods.

So make sure you're getting at least seven or eight hours of sleep every night. And if you can't seem to fall asleep, try reading or doing something calming before bed.

Incorporate Exercise Into Your Daily Routine

Exercise is a key part of any weight loss plan, and it's something that you need to be incorporating into your daily routine.

But it doesn't have to be a huge commitment. Even something as simple as taking a brisk walk for 30 minutes each day can make a big difference. And if you can't fit in a walk at lunch, try going for a walk after dinner.

Just make sure that you're always moving! The more active you are, the more weight you'll lose.

Click here to see my number one way of losing weight quickly

Conclusion

You don't have to go on a crazy diet or spend hours at the gym to lose weight. There are a lot of simple things you can do to drop those pounds and feel better in no time.

Try eating healthy, balanced meals and avoiding processed foods. Get moving and exercise regularly. Drink plenty of water and avoid sugary drinks. And last but not least, stay positive and don't give up on yourself!

Losing weight can be tough, but it's definitely doable with a bit of effort. Try out these tips and see how you feel. You may be surprised at how much easier it is to lose weight when you have a plan!

#Weightloss #Howtoloseweight #Bellyfat #Burnfat #Thickfat

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neurodivergientqueerthoughts · 3 years

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Introduction

Have you been wondering what ADHD is really like? This will not be biased towards one minority of people who have ADHD. It will be focused on the big picture.

This document will explain the seriousness of ADHD and everything that may come with it. Make sure to do more research into ADHD, as I am not an expert (although I, myself, have ADHD). In this, I go into detail about different aspects of ADHD and why it should not be taken lightly.

What is ADHD?

(Note: Not everyone with ADHD has these symptoms. They can vary from person to person.)

Constant activity going on internally (Hyperactivity)

Hyperfixations

Hyperfocusing

Depression (Co-occurring)

Anxiety (Co-occurring)

Sensory Processing Disorder

Executive Dysfunction

Auditory Processing Disorder (Co-occurring)

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

Insomnia / Sleep issues

Inability to focus

Difficulty switching tasks

Inability to stick to one task

Mood swings

Difficulty regulating emotions

Choice paralysis

Problems with focusing

Poor impulse control

Trouble recalling things, such as commonly used words

Exhaustion levels

Imposter syndrome

Overwhelm

Overstimulation / Sensory Overload

Understimulation

Memory issues

Motivation issues

Time blindness

Poor sense of time

Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome (Co-occurring)

Extreme boredom

Going into Detail

Executive Dysfunction/ADHD Paralysis:

A feeling of constantly ‘waiting for something’, without knowing what or why.

Confusion as to how to start or do a task.

A feeling of being completely overwhelmed, even by mundane tasks, to a point of being unable to do the task or function.

A very good description of how this can feel is “a fuzzy-restless feeling when you need to do something but your brain won’t focus on anything… you’re silently begging yourself to just do one thing but instead you’re [sitting there] even though you don’t even want to be. It’s like your head is filled with heavy electric cotton… you’re both uncomfortable and unable to stop.”

This is not the same thing as procrastination or laziness. This occurs with tasks that the person is afraid to do, does not want to do, or even wants to do. Laziness means that a person does not feel like doing something, but they could if they wanted to. Executive dysfunction/ADHD paralysis can be described as something a person has been trying to do for [insert amount of time between minutes and months/years], but they physically cannot do the task and end up feeling like a failure because of that. It is debilitating.

Hyperfixation/Hyperfocus:

An extreme obsession over something. This can be creating something, finding out everything about something, or just something that creates extreme emotions in somebody.

This obsession can easily become unhealthy as the person may forget to take care of themselves due to it. However, these hyperfixations cause extreme joy or curiosity in the person.

Difficulty switching tasks:

“When you have ADHD, task switching can often be difficult. You might feel like you're stuck in a gear. It might be you're trying to start, and your gears just keep on grinding. Other times you may want to stop but the gear just stays in place because you're hyper-focusing on whatever you're doing.”

Inability to stick to one task:

People with ADHD often have issues with motivation, which leads to many unfinished projects.

If a task does not give a person with ADHD dopamine, they are often unable to complete the task (i.e. homework; chores).

Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome:

Instead of having a regular circadian rhythm, with sleeping hours from 11 pm to 7 am, people have an irregular pattern of 2 am to about 10 am.

These times are flexible. However, this means that people with ADHD tend to have issues with falling asleep at a “normal time”.

Extreme boredom:

People with ADHD have issues with dopamine and serotonin.

There are moments when boredom can be painful. People with ADHD can be bored to tears due to extreme emotions and a lack of dopamine.

Time Processing:

If somebody has to leave at 8 am and they wake up at 5:30, they will think that they have two hours or less to get ready. Time seems to pass without a pattern or rhythm.

“Today is Monday, but tomorrow is Tuesday and I have class. After that is Wednesday: I’m having lunch with my mom. Then on Thursday, I have a night class which means it’s basically already Friday and this week is already over.”

Time Blindness:

Not knowing how much time has passed based on their ‘internal clock’; they don’t have one!

Being completely unaware of how much time something will take.

Memory issues:

With ADHD, memory can be greatly affected. Some things will be forgotten very quickly, and some things can be over-remembered.

Difficulty regulating emotions:

“Processing emotions starts in the brain. Sometimes the working memory impairments of ADHD allow a momentary emotion to become too strong, flooding the brain with one intense emotion.” -Thomas Brown, PhD

Brain imaging shows that delayed rewards don’t register for people with ADHD. They are more motivated by the instant gratification that strong emotions deliver.

As a result, a person with ADHD may struggle to deal rationally and realistically with events that are stressful, but not of grave concern.

Motivation issues:

People with ADHD have much lower levels of dopamine than those without ADHD. This causes the brain to constantly crave dopamine.

If a task is not providing the dopamine the brain wants, it will make a person with ADHD less motivated to complete the task, or even start it.

Overstimulation / Sensory Overload:

Information reaching the senses feels like an assault of competing stimuli.

Understimulation:

Outside stimuli are dulled, as if a shade has been pulled over the environment, muting sights, sounds, and touch. These people crave extra stimulation to feel alive.

Exhaustion levels:

Feeling fatigued and tired all the time can actually be related to ADHD. Due to low dopamine levels, people with ADHD can feel exhausted even after getting ample amounts of sleep.

Ironically, people can get bursts of energy from ADHD as well. This can be from hyperactivity or high amounts of dopamine.

Imposter Syndrome:

Feeling like a fraud and doubting your own abilities.

Somebody who is intelligent and who has ADHD can have imposter syndrome towards both. They are not related to each other, but the ways they are portrayed in media causes imposter syndrome.

Auditory Processing Disorder:

Things can take longer to process when somebody hears them than when they see/read them.

The amount or complexity of noise around somebody can affect how they hear things.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria:

Extreme anxiety towards being criticized or rejected by others, despite their relationship with the person.

Extreme pain or emotional sensitivity is caused by a sense of ‘rejection’.

Hyperactivity:

This is not always visible, if at all. There is constant activity going on inside of a person’s head when they have ADHD.

This creates difficulty with sleep and relaxation.

If visible, it usually takes the form of fidgeting or stimming.

“Dealing” with ADHD

ADHD cannot be fixed, but some things can help people work with it. The coping mechanisms vary from person to person, and they aren’t always going to work. Getting diagnosed with ADHD is the best step to take before anything else, as trained professionals can help with ADHD symptoms.

It is important to understand that ADHD is a learning and doing disability. It affects every aspect of life, but it isn’t a bad thing! Many things with ADHD can be positive as well. Hyperfocusing can lead to a lot of productivity! Additionally, people with ADHD are known to be more creative and inventive (according to numerous studies). Empathy and compassion are higher in individuals with ADHD. People with ADHD even have a stronger moral compass!

#actually adhd #neurodivergency #neurodivergent #research paper #adhd post #adhd symptoms #adhd things #living with adhd #adhd problems #info #writing #research

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iiraven · 3 years

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Fool-Proof Plan

Pairing: Erwin x reader

Genre: fluff, comedy, smut, modern AU

Warnings: size kink, masturbation, squirting, fingering in front of a mirror, hair pulling, multiple orgasms, manhandling, degradation, praise, established relationship, slight dumbification, choking/ breath play

Word count: 4.6K

Synopsis: Erwin’s business trip leads you to realise you’re not as sly as you think you are.

Masterlist

Erwin Smith is a man capable of absolutely everything. He’s an amazing cook, an amazing masseur, an amazing businessman, and, most of all, an amazing husband.

There’s only one small shortcoming to the person you consider to be perfect. And that’s his inability to use any form of technology. Texting is bad enough with him signing his name after every message, but it’s social media that’s your husband’s true sworn enemy. Erwin might only be a few years your senior, but somehow your grandfather can comprehend the concept of Instagram faster than him.

“So, you just take pictures?”

“Yes.”

“And people respond to it?”

“Yes.”

“Alright but why?”

The conversation is nothing new, but you find it incredibly unfortunate knowing how talented he is at photography. If you two ever go someplace Erwin knows he wants to capture, he slings his camera over his neck, leaves his phone at home (“I won’t be taking any calls today”) and makes his merry way out of the house. You often eye the phone left stray on the desk, half-expecting it to chase you out of the house for abandoning it. Sometimes, for good measure, you slip it into your own bag. Just in case.

It’s for this reason that Erwin’s business trip puts you on immediate edge.

“It’ll only be for ten days,” he had said. “Sina Corporations takes their summits really seriously…”

“Ten days?” You repeated and Erwin gave you a soft smile.

“I’ll call you every day.”

It’s not like you have an obsessive attachment to your husband (well, that’s debatable), but breaking the routine of returning home to his warm hugs, listening to his day and then complaining about your own- it’s uncomfortable.

Erwin himself wasn’t looking forward to being away from you, away from home. Running Survey Corporations Ltd is no easy task; trying to balance the infuriating board and the long hours with his actual life is something only possible because of you. Time spent together is fine diamonds Erwin clutches onto and although he’d tried to reason with himself that it was only ten days, it wasn’t a trip he was looking forward to. He never said it out loud. But he didn’t need to. You can tell by the way Erwin’s lips linger on yours a little longer at the airport, as if to preserve your taste.

“Oi Erwin- hurry up.” Levi tries hard not to glare. But even the raven-haired man knows that being away from you puts Erwin on somewhat of an edge. You’re his rock, there to ground him when everything is chaotic, and a summit surrounded by the richest people in the world is as chaotic as it gets.

Despite it all, Erwin stays true to his promise. He calls you at least twice a day and although you could stay on the phone with him for hours, he’s often rushing between conferences and can only spare minutes of his time. Even when he does have an hour, talking to a disembodied voice (he still can’t figure out how to switch his camera back around) is not the same as having Erwin right beside you. It’s the way he squeezes your thigh when he’s focussing on what you’re saying or when he pulls you towards him so that you can lie on his hard chest which still makes you blush even after years of being together.

Because, yes, you miss his touch the most.

Not even five days in, you find yourself with your hands down your panties and a tall blond man on your mind. You’re soaked just thinking about him. His groans, the way he calls your name, the way he pounds into you as you lose your train of thought. Your fingers try to imitate his- their curve and how easily they find your soft spot- but it just feels uncomfortable. So, then you try rubbing your clit, and there’s temporary pleasure there, but not even close enough to tip you over the edge. Even your pink vibrator doesn’t cut it. You deny the fact that Erwin Smith has made you an incompetent masturbator, but you can’t keep up the lie for long and soon enough you give up.

It’s the next day that your ingenious idea kindles. It’s a fool-proof plan. A small flame that has you rushing to the bathroom for the best possible lighting. Erwin can still put his tongue to use at a distance- after all, it’s his voice you fell in love with first. To discretely push him in the right direction, you send him a few photos of yourself. Nothing too scandalous safe he’s in a meeting, but enough that he’ll gets the hint. Sure, Erwin has a couple of polaroid pictures hidden in his brown leather wallet, but he had shot those himself. You want to be a bit more spontaneous! And, honestly, at this point you’re desperate. You could swear you’re developing withdrawal symptoms: just the other day, you were actually temped to pick up a newspaper. It was terrifying.

This had to work. You can just imagine Erwin calling you, voice deep and gruff as he guides you through the process to make yourself cum as he showers you with praise. You feel giddy, eyes glued to the glowing screen, awaiting his response. Even your pink vibrator is out of the box.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t exactly go the way you had planned.

One hour after sending the photos you receive a panicked text from Hange. In the long paragraph, you understand that your poor husband couldn’t get the photos to load and decided to consult the vice president of his company who, upon simply clicking on them, saw you groping your soapy tits. Had it been anyone other than vice president Hange Zoe, Erwin may have broken his phone and quit right there. Thankfully, he only said, “I see” and then asked her where to find the smiley face Emoji.

“I’m so, so sorry Y/N!” Hange screams through the phone. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise! I could send you a picture of my boobs! I’ll go do it right now! I’m sorry! No- You don’t need to feel embarrassed! I won’t mind!”

“It’s alright Hange.” You laugh nervously. “You don’t need to send me anything, it’s really not that big of a deal.”

The whack Levi lands on her head is so hard you hear it through the phone. “Shut the fuck up four-eyes.”

So here you are now. Three days until Erwin returns, a vibrator you’ve given up on back in its box, and a husband who responds to your nudes with a smiley face.

But then Hange Zoe sends you something much better than a picture of her boobs.

The hotel that the trio were staying at- as most hotels do- has a spa. And if there’s one thing Erwin Smith adores it’s allowing himself to relax in a warm, steamy sauna. You’re not sure how Hange was allowed to join them, or how she was able to get her camera clear of fog, or how she was even able to take the picture without Erwin noticing. But you ask her no questions.

Followed by a winky-face is a picture of Erwin sat in the sauna, head tilted backwards, and eyes shut in the pure image of serenity. His arms are propped up on either side of him accentuating his biceps whilst still allowing a clear view of his sculpted body, the sweat running down his chest and abs, making him almost glisten. He’s completely naked except for the flimsy white towel across his lap which does absolutely nothing to hide his thick dick print. You shudder.

You feel like a teenager again, speechless at the sight of a quasi- naked man. Even though you’ve seen him like this thousands of times, you can’t help but fantasise about being trapped underneath him, hair falling onto his face as he loses himself inside of you. God, maybe you do have an unhealthy obsession. But it doesn’t matter. You feel even more like a teenager as you imagine scenarios of him returning home to recreate the picture before you. And with that, your mind is sedated for the next few days.

You have a fool-proof plan. Dress up in the shortest and tightest dress you own, cook your husband dinner, and then give him a blow job at the table so that he’ll never leave you again. It’s going to be just like in the movies and nothing will stop that from happening.

Something stops that from happening.

Just as you’re about to put the potatoes in the oven, Erwin calls. His flight is delayed. You whine through the phone and Erwin’s chuckle just about stops you from sulking like a child. You can be mature about this, right? He’s getting home eventually- complaining isn’t going to help at all. Patience is a virtue and yours has been tested many times before. This is, after all, nothing compared to the time Erwin tried to create an excel spreadsheet. So, you don’t press further. You simply tell Erwin that you miss him and then go find a pillow in which you scream for a good five minutes.

Erwin, on the other hand, is a lot less coveted with his annoyance. He wants nothing more than to strangle whatever and whoever is preventing him from returning to his lovely wife. In the hour journey, the entire plane can feel a crushing tension above their heads, so tense that even the child at the back seems to be holding in his tears.

Usually, Erwin prefers to spend his flights with a book in his hands, but he’s incapable for picking up the paperback and instead stares out of the window somehow hoping it will go faster.

After what feels like hours, the tight dress has gotten too uncomfortable for you to wear and you resolve yourself to eating the potatoes alone. You still don’t take off your lingerie, though. A two-piece black set with lace detailing that makes you look like a present ready to be unwrapped. It had arrived yesterday, and you had taken your sweet time admiring the embroidered flowers and soft ribbon holding the fragile piece together because you had falsely assumed that you wouldn’t have it on for long. You had in fact contemplated stockings but by the time 11PM came by you simply wrapped Erwin’s favourite robe around your body and tried to take your mind off things. Maybe you should have opted for your own robe because as the sleeves hung from your arms and the soft material effused his smell, it managed to make you feel even worse.

Staying up late was not a foreign feeling but anticipation quickly turns into boredom and you find your eyelids getting heavy. You pause the anime you’re watching and are about to shut your eyes when you hear the faint rattle of keys.

You stumble getting out of bed, knocking your shoulder on the wall before skipping four steps at a time and tripping on the robe at least twice as you rush downstairs. Erwin is barely through the door as you call out his name and he drops his bags right there to let your rush into your arms. You feel so small, so safe, so familiar, within them, as if you’ve returned to the space where you belong. He lifts you up to let you wrap your legs around his waist, your ankles barely crossing. He smells divine, even after hours of being stuck in an airport and his hair is still soft between your fingers. You look at him and the smile that spreads across his face wipes out any hints of fatigue that might have been there just moments ago.

Erwin kisses you and it’s long, deep, and he holds you impossibly closer to him as his tongue dips into your mouth. You don’t want it to end, but Erwin pulls back and says softly, “I’m home, my love.”

You can’t help but giggle. “Welcome home.”

You return to the kiss with a hint of desperation. Tugging lightly on Erwin’s shirt, you know he notices how your core is already warm, but still, he takes his time closing the door with his foot before finally noticing your attire. You’re about to make a sarcastic comment about his obliviousness but the way he looks down at you, at the small flower of lace peeping out from under the heavy robe, the way he slowly wets his lips, he leaves you speechless.

“You’re a gift.” He smiles sweetly though his eyes darken.

“Well, you’ve been working really hard,” You mumble. “You deserve a treat.”

The effect this man has on you is unbelievable. All that anger and frustration you had pent up now crumbles at the light caress of his thumb on your hips.

“Let me unwrap you,” Erwin says. And he walks you to your room, climbing up the stairs with ease as you cling onto him. You attempt to rub yourself against his hard stomach, but one look of warning makes you stop. He’s going to be doing things on his watch, tonight.

Setting you on the floor beside your bed, Erwin undoes the ribbon and you let the fabric pool at your feet. He immediately latches onto your neck, and you gasp, tilting your head to give him better access. His hands begin to roam, fingering the delicate lace of your panties and the straps of your bra as his tongue leaves a trail over your chest. It’s only when Erwin suddenly grabs your breast that you moan, body involuntarily pushing towards him.

He looks up through thick eyelashes and his hands moves to cup your face. You’re about to beg him to touch you where you need it most, but he whispers, “you’re so beautiful.” And you’re speechless again.

You suddenly lean in to kiss him, hands wrapping around his neck and it’s messy and your breath is short. “Please, Erwin,” you say to him between kisses. “Touch me.” You can feel him smile against your lips. “Please”. And before you can stop yourself. “I can’t do it myself.”

Erwin stills and only then do you realise your mistake. He pulls back and stands up straight, towering over you and you recognises that look. It’s the one of a lion who has just found a wounded deer.

“Oh?”

Fuck. He leans back and raises a brow expectantly and you try to look everywhere but at him. Maybe if you avoid eye contact, he’ll take it as a slip of the tongue. But your husband is not one to let things go. He’s intelligent, he knows exactly what you mean- you don’t need to speak for him to gather what happened, the image of you lying pathetically on the bed, hopeless and desperate. He smirks but stays quiet. Erwin likes it when you use your words.

“No-that’s not what I meant. I mean- you feel best and it’s just-“

You’re cut off by a hand on your scalp, pulling your hair back in one swift motion so that you have no choice but to look up at your husband dead in the eye.

“You were touching yourself whilst I was away, Y/N?”

“I-I mean...yeah…”

“I see.” His gaze is enough to make you gush. “And you weren’t able to make yourself cum.”

Your cheeks burn. It’s not a question, but you affirm it anyways. “No, no I couldn’t make myself cum.”

He’s silent for a moment and you’re not sure if it’s because he’s watching your worried face or because he’s wondering how he’s going to make that face look even more worried.

“I would feel sorry for you, but I suppose that’s what you deserve for touching my cunt without my permission.”

You gasp as he uses his grip on your hair to throw you on the bed. It’s effortless, the way his strength could so easily destroy you and yet he uses it to ruin destroy you in another way- just who you like it. Erwin undoes his tie and all you can do is gawk as he strips down to his boxers. He’s as hard as a rock and you tentatively reach out to touch him, but Erwin grabs your wrist. Without warning, you’re dragged to the other side of the bed where you’re placed to face your large floor length mirror. There’s only a moment of confusion before you understand why Erwin had been so keen on the somewhat awkward placement. He positions himself behind you and you withhold the urge to press your back against his throbbing cock.

“Don’t you take your eyes off the mirror,” Erwin commands, and you nod your head. “Use your words. Or do you need me to show you how to do that too?”

“Yes, sir,” You say quickly.

“Good girl.”

Erwin opens your legs, his hands gripping your thighs hard. You silently wish bruises bloom in their wake- it’s been too long since you’ve had your husband’s mark on you. A reminder of who you belong to. One hand stays on your thigh and the other moves to nudge your panties out of the way of your glistening cunt.

“I’m going to show you how to touch yourself,” He says in a low, rumbling voice. “And you’re going to watch closely and learn. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes sir.”

His fingers don’t tease your folds for long. Erwin is feeling merciful, because he simply gathers the slick coating your cut before immediately rubbing your clit. The moan that leaves your mouth is pornographic. You buck your hips but the hand on your thigh moves to pin you down, your body flush against his so that you can almost feel his bearing heart. You’re engulfed by him so small as he easily manipulates your body.

Erwin is overwhelmed by the options. Look at his wife unravel below him or stare at the mirror, where you have no place to hide.

“I should be punishing you, you know.” He presses his fingers down hard on a particularly tenter spot and you moan loudly. “But I need to show my dumb little girl how to take care of herself.”

“I-I’m not- ahhh.” Your back arches and Erwin captures your neck again, sucking viciously.

As his thumb continues its assault on your clit, two fingers find your tight hole, dripping and clenching around nothing. He can see in the mirror how your body is practically begging to be filled up. And fill you up he will. But first Erwin inserts a finger and groans at the warmth that greets him. He begins moving it and although you try to understand how he is able to stroke your cunt so perfectly, your mind is fogged and all that’s on your mind is your impending release. This should be a learning experience, but it serves only as a reminder of Erwin’s miraculous hands. He slips his second finger in and your moans only get lounder.

“Erwin, Erwin- they feel so good. Your fingers feel so good!”

You can see his smirk in his reflection, just before he speeds up and you have to grab his wrist to steady yourself. His fingers slam back and forth into your velvety walls. They suck them in, and he is able to find your sweet spot every time. Every single time. Your eyes roll back, you press against Erwin’s chest and your legs shake as you cum. The mess you make, leaking all over Erwin’s hands, your bed, your thighs- you try to look away, but he grabs your face to prevent you from doing so.

“Don’t you dare look away.” His voice is low, threatening. “Look how good I make you feel. Look.”

Your cheeks are flushed and the set that had made you look like a femme fatale, just hours before, is now yet another set that has has you pliant and submissive. “It seems that I’m the only one who can take care of you,” Erwin says. And you know he’s right.

Erwin lifts his soaked fingers to his mouth and his eyes flutter shut as he tastes you. When he opens them, you swear they’ve gone a shade darker. Wordlessly, Erwin slips from behind you to kneel in front of the bed. He removes your panties and holds them up to his nose, giving them a slight inhale before tossing them to the side and lowering his mouth.

“Erwin wai-“

And before you can warn him that your too sensitive- you orgasm was too strong, it’s too soon- his mouth has latched onto your cunt and Erwin is eating you out like a starved man.

“Ah-fuck, fuck, fuck,” You practically scream.

He sucks on your clit, his tongue doing what it does best. You look down, his eyes bore into yours and you know he’s remembering every expression you make as he pushes you over the edge. Despite your trembling arms struggling to keep you upright, your hand goes to grip Erwin’s hair and all you can think about is how soft it is before you cum again. Your husband doesn’t stop this time. His fingers dig into your soft hips to make sure you don’t move, to make sure that he catches everything on his tongue. And he can feel it before you do. The steady build-up of a feeling slightly familiar, but foreign enough that you warn Erwin too late. Your back arches and you squirt in his mouth and before your eyes roll back, you catch a glimpse of what you know to be a smirk in your husband’s eyes.

You can feel the sheets soak below you so try to press your legs together in somewhat of an attempt to hide the mess, but Erwin doesn’t let you. “Don’t be ashamed now, darling.” His voice is solid, domineering. “This is just you perfect body, doing exactly what I tell it to,” He says.

He could be talking about fruits and you would still nod your head dumbly.

The power Erwin has over you is addictive, and your body seems to know it too. As he kisses your thighs, licking off whatever didn’t find its way into his mouth, you can still feel a distant ache at your core. This time, you don’t need to use your words. As you lie weak on the bed, Erwin crawls over, engulfing your form. The lion is ready for his meal. He leans down to capture your lips in a gentle kiss. “I missed you,” He says. It’s the hundredth time, but you don’t tire of hearing it.

“I missed you too.”

Erwin shifts your legs, and you can feel the head of his large cock teasing your entrance.

“I missed all of you,” he repeats. “Your smile. Your voice. Your moans.” He pauses to place a kiss on your collarbone. “Your taste.”

He’s trying to be romantic, but you know why he stalls, and it makes you unable to graciously except the compliments. Erwin loves to hear you pine for him. And who are you to refuse your husband’s desires? So, you reach your hands out towards his shoulders, attempting to make him move if only a little bit. “Erwin!” You whine, and despite your weakness, you manage to push your hips forward, finding friction against his hard cock. “Please!”

Again, that smirk. He rubs against your clit. “My, my- you’ve come twice already and want more?”

Well, he missed your voice so you suppose you should let him hear it. “Let me be selfish, please sir?” You moan. “I need you inside of me.”

His cock twitches against you. And before you know it his hand is around your neck. “Such a good girl, using your words like that.”

He pushes inside you with a groan of relief, a low sound from his throat that causes his eyes to close momentarily.

It seems you’ve forgotten how big he is because as he stretches you out like it’s your first time, your mouth drops open and a string of curses emerges. Erwin would usually reprimand you for the foul language, but he’s too lost in the feeling of your tight cunt pulling him in. Using your neck as leverage, he squeezes tight so that he can push forward and when your eyes blur, overwhelmed with the pleasure and pain and the lack of oxygen intensifying it all, Erwin loosens his grip only slightly, and your eyes find his again. You don’t notice your mouth hanging open, too focussed on the way your body is accommodating Erwin’s cock again.

“Really big, ‘s really big, sir,” You mumble and Erwin grunts in response, his teeth clenching because he too is reminded yet again of how tight- how perfect- your body is for him.

When Erwin bottoms out, he stills for a moment, basking in your warmth and taking a moment to kiss your cheek, a gentle gesture compared to the hand still grasping your neck. Your cunt gushes despite you wincing about the pain, about his size, and soon he can’t help but move his hips. Erwin pulls back and thrusts deep. You scream him name, as you feel his cock dragging against your walls. Any idea of taking you gently has evaporated from Erwin’s brain and instead his hips snap back and forth violently, his tip kissing your cervix as he buries himself inside of you again and again.

His grunts are laboured as Erwin’s free hand pushes your leg up to your chest to allow him to thrust deeps and deeper. “Just like that- just like that, good girl. My good girl.”

The new angle has him brushing against your g-spot and you won’t last long. You know you can’t- not with him quite literally rearranging your insides. You have one hand clawing at his forearm and the other grips the sheets and you repeat a mantra of “Thank you, sir, thank you” in between your desperate moans. The honorific coming from your lips is too sweet to his ears and he’s reminded of why phone calls bother him so much- nothing compares to hearing your voice like this.

Erwin’s hand leaves your neck only to tug your bra down, letting your boobs bounce freely as he fucks you hard. You almost complain about the loss of contact but his tongue latches onto to your nipple and before you know it, you are coming all over your husband, screaming his name. Your nails dig into his arm as he nears his own release. Erwin’s hips stutter and he moans your name before throwing his head back in pure bliss as he cums inside of you. You wish you can capture that sight forever, but you don’t think any photo does your husband justice. It’s true- this is better than anything Hange could send.

Your breaths slowly find a slower rhythm in the post-orgasm silence. Erwin watches the way your fluids pool out of you as he pulls out, admiring the own mess on his lower stomach. You wince at the sore feeling and pull him towards you. This time, he follows your command. Breathless bodies mould into each other, finding their place after too long being apart. At the back of your mind, you know you should be making your way to the bathroom, but Erwin’s heavy body lying on your chest is enough to remind you to focus on the moment. For this is where you belong.

“You know, you should be flattered, Erwin.” You nudge his arm weakly as you lay together, bodies entangled in a random set of pyjamas you begrudgingly forced yourself to change into. “No one has better hands than you.”

He laughs. “I am flattered,” he says. “I just like teasing you.”

“No- you have a degradation kink.”

“Yes, that too.”

Even as you were taking a shower together, Erwin’s subtle attempts at having you admit you couldn’t make yourself cum did not go unnoticed. You suppose it’s an ego-thing, but then you realise it’s more. The power of being the only person able to bring you that much bliss is power Erwin thrives on. And despite the money wasted on your pink vibrator, you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Still,” Erwin muses and a small smile plays across his lips. “I did expect the photo Hange took to at least help a little.”

Every muscle in your body stills and your eyes suddenly widen. Oh come on. You try to tell yourself that there’s simply nothing wrong with having a photo of your naked husband, but it’s more than that. You know it. Erwin knows it. And by the way he’s smiling, you also know that plastered on your face is the guiltiest of looks. In your poor attempt to escape his gaze by turning your back to him, Erwin chuckles and shakes his head, hugging you closer.

“That’s not fair!” You exclaim.

“It’s not?”

“No!”

You try to wiggle out of his grasp, but Erwin is made of steel. Why do you expect to get away with anything anymore? Erwin Smith is beyond two moves ahead- he’s finished the game before you’ve even started.

“Did you really think I didn’t notice?”

“Shut up!” You whine. “Why do you have to be such a smartass about it? Let me think I win.”

“Alright, alright.” Erwin chuckles and places a kiss on your forehead. “You’re my winner. Always.”

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thran-duils · 3 years

Text

Doll Me Up (P.1)

Title: Doll Me Up (Part One) Summary: Fem!Reader x Dark Mob!Tony Stark. On good days, you and Tony were a power couple. You, a perfect trophy wife with your hands in local charities to promote a wholesome image. Tony, business man but sullied with organized crime. He indulged in his illegal gambling, extortion, and political corruption. And he indulged in his escort business. Hell, that is where he had found you. You were a brat, and he loved a challenge. Words: 2,322 Warnings: Unhealthy relationships, smut, daddy kink, dom/sub, manipulation, death, violence, possessive behavior

Introduction || Part Two || Masterpost (mobile) || Fanfic masterpost

There were three voicemails when you turned your phone back on in the airport terminal.

Voicemail, 12:22am

“Y/N, I swear to GOD if you don’t answer your fucking phone the second you land, I’m going to make sure you don’t walk right for a fucking week when I get you back in my hands!”

Voicemail, 12:57am

“I am tempted to leave you stranded without any fucking money! How the fuck would you like that? Having to call me to come bail you the fuck out? I’ll make you get on your goddamn knees and beg. Call. Me.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time,” you snickered.

Tony would never though; you found it impossible. He could not stand the thought of you not having money to shield yourself from the world if he was not there. You needed to be inside, pampered.

You snorted before listening to the next message.

Voicemail, 1:27am

“When I find out where you’ve gone, you bet your ass I’m going to be right on the plane there and you’re not going to like it when I find you! Do you understand me! So, make this easier on yourself and call me back!”

You took the opportunity to text him back.

Y/N, 3:29am

Don’t waste your time or jet fuel. Just leave me alone for a bit. God.

You dialed your friend Xavier, it going to voicemail the first time. Annoyed, you called him again, taking note it was after 3:30am. On the fourth attempt, he answered.

“What the hell do you want, Y/N? If you’re drunk and woke me up—”

Brightly, you told him, “Come get me.”

There was a moment’s pause, before he asked perplexed, “What?”

“I’m at SeaTac.”

“The hell do you mean you’re at SeaTac?”

“I flew here,” you told him nonchalantly as you could. “On a whim. And I don’t want to take an Uber alone. I’ll give you gas money! Promise.”

“Where… what?” He was groggy still.

“I’ll stay at your place for a couple nights?”

He was quiet again for a few moments before asking, “You don’t wanna get a hotel room…?”

“Of course you want to do that.”

“Bitch, I live in a studio. Why would I not want to take advantage of some more space?”

“Point taken. But ugh, hurry!” You whined, leaning against the wall. “I’m in really tall heels and I don’t have a coat. I’m cold.”

“Are you outside?”

“No, in the aiport. The dress is just really short.”

Xavier snorted at this. “Of course it is. Where’s Tony?”

“At home. We got into a fight,” you told him shortly.

“So, you flew here…?”

“Yeah, I didn’t wanna go home and see his stupid face. So, I came here. Straight from the party really. Hold on, let me check hotels in the area.” You pulled your phone down to google and scroll through options. “Ugh, I don’t wanna be downtown though. But that’s where all the nice hotels are at… Oh, this place has a renaissance Brad Pitt photo on a pillow.”

“Please. Get that. Just on principal.”

“Okay but this other place has a better bathroom set up.”

“Is that really important?”

“Yes, I want a relaxing bath. And it has a great view of the sound. There’s two-bedroom suites that don’t require extended stays. But, love, I don’t want to sleep alone… and I trust you for that.”

Xavier chortled, “Scout’s honor. Your pussy does not interest me in the slightest. What’s the name then?”

“Thompson. Get here!”

“I’m moving, I’m moving,” Xavier told you and you heard shuffling in the background of the call.

You added before he could hang up, “And bring your phone charger. And some sweats and a shirt. I meant it when I said I left directly from the party. All I’ve got is my purse.”

“You are ridiculous,” Xavier laughed. “It’s going to take me at least a half hour. Don’t let your phone die!”

Tony was calling again, and you sighed annoyed, sending him to voicemail. By now he would know your phone as at least back on and know you sent him to voicemail yet again.

Y/N, 3:41am

My phone is getting low and I need it to contact a hotel so I’m not going to answer.

Your anger was beginning to subside, but you were not ready to give in just yet.

Dialing the hotel, you waited for the front desk to answer. “Yes, I would like to set up a two-bedroom suite if there are any available? There are? Perfect. Oh, right now, please. I’ve just landed at the airport. Yes, yes of course. My card number is….”

Tony would not even have to call the credit card company at this rate with this new charge showing up.

<><><>

Two years ago…

“Are you sure that’s what you want me to do, Y/N? I could really mark you up that way,” Tony purred.

You peered over your shoulder, giving him a pleading look. You had just asked him to hit you again, wanting him to get your ass good and red before he fucked you unbridled. The clincher was that he had a nine tails he was spanking you with. He had dipped into spanking the first time he had taken you and you would be lying if you said you did not like it. You had been interested in the powerful man and had seen him take girls from the service before. When he had shown up last time, you had made sure to be in his sights and he had taken the bite. Figuratively and literally. He had left some nice little marks along your shoulder and atop your breasts that had eventually faded. You wanted more and it seemed he did too.

“Yes, please,” you said coyly.

“If you keep sounding that cute, I am not going to be able to help myself.”

You stuck out your bottom lip and he gave a throat chuckle before swinging his arm back and landing another blow across your cheeks. You made a strangled noise, jolting forward with the hit. Tony’s fingers came to your ass, dipping between your thighs.

“You like me marking you up?” he asked, his fingers playing. You nodded again. “Bite marks and all?” Another nod and he had had enough foreplay.

Tony groaned salaciously, his fingers leaving your sex and coming to tear your dress down off your breasts. The bra was gone next, your breasts bouncing free. Your dress was stuck around your middle, leaving your bottom and top half exposed.

You whimpered, feeling empty.

“Aww, princess,” Tony mockingly cooed. “Do you want me to fix it?”

You breathed, “Yes, sir.”

His cock pressed against your entrance. “I have such a desire for you… to inhale every part of you.”

“I want you to, sir.”

Tony chuckled against your neck before nipping, causing you to whimper at the pinch. “I know, princess. And that’s what I crave. I’m just simply obsessed with you, kitten.”

<><><>

You woke up to tapping on your face.

Xavier chortled when you startled awake. “Hello, darling,” he crooned.

You slapped his hand away, “Jesus, you creep. Couldn’t you have just gotten out of bed quietly and ordered breakfast?”

“Oh, I did that,” Xavier told you and you scowled, grabbing the blanket to try to yank it over your head. “But I also ordered you some blueberry pancakes!”

At the mention of them, you stilled. Muttering angrily, you threw the blanket back and grabbed your phone, checking the time. It was only 9:30am. You had only been asleep for a few hours at best. When Xavier had picked you up, you had turned your phone back on airplane mode to prevent seeing whatever texts Tony was going to be sending and any calls. You switched it off and surprisingly saw there was only one text from him. He had tried to call a couple of times but he had not left any more voicemails. He was probably testing to see if your phone was back on or not.

Tony, 4:42am

I don’t know what you’re hoping to accomplish from this other than pissing me off.

You sighed as you got out of bed, padding to the bathroom, taking your phone with you.

Xavier called from the bed, “They said less than a half hour!”

“Noted,” you returned coming to the tub and turning it on. You placed your phone on the counter and began getting undressed.

Kicking your feet up, you relaxed back into the tub. It was so warm, and you settled back in further, a smile coming across your face. There was nothing a hot bath could not soothe. You had been bruised up on your ass too many times to not know that.

Your phone rang and you groaned, knowing who it was. You sunk beneath the water, holding your breath. You could not even have one damn bath…

Footsteps echoed into the bathroom and you opened your eyes seeing Xavier peering at your phone on the counter.

You were out of the water in a second, telling him before your ears had even cleared, “Xavier, don’t—”

He had already pressed answer and held the phone up to his ear much to your horror. You could only hear his side of the conversation.

“Hello? Who’s this? Oh, you must be Tony. A friend.”

“Xavier!” you hissed. “Hang the fuck up!”

“Hmm, no. I don’t think you can talk to her. She’s busy.” Xavier paused and then shrugged as if Tony could see him. “I don’t know. She handed me the phone and she left when she saw it was you calling.”

You mouthed, “Too much!”

Xavier ignored you. “I told you she left. She doesn’t want to talk to you. Are you deaf? I already told you that.”

You were leaning halfway out of the tub damn near at this point, your hands gripping the side of the tub. “Too. Much!” you hissed at him.

“Again, I told you. She left. Don’t know where. She was wearing something pretty skimpy though.”

You were crawling out of the bath by this point and Xavier took a few steps back, a playful smile on his face. He had no idea what he was doing. And it was your damn fault by not explaining anything about who Tony was to him before this. All he knew of Tony was that he was a billionaire and your husband. He did not know his mafia ties or the nature of your relationship with him.

“Hmm, apparently I’ve overstayed my welcome. Anyways, if you want to have this convo again, let me know!” Xavier said into the phone, speaking louder with every word practically. As if Tony was trying to yell over him and Xavier was ignoring him. “Bye now!”

A pet peeve of Tony’s was being spoken over. Another was having someone else play with his toy, which was no doubt the thought going through his mind right now because he had no idea who Xavier was. Great.

“Xavier!” you exploded, standing in front of him naked, water dripping onto the floor.

“Yes? And can you put a towel on?” he asked as he placed your phone down on the counter.

You exclaimed, “That was too much! Why didn’t you listen to me and hang up the phone?” You really were worried.

He was unperturbed by your outburst though, shrugging as you snatched a towel and wrapped it around yourself. “As you told me multiple times! And cause it was funny.”

“Do you know what he would do to you if he knew who you were? No one talks to him like that!” You added for good measure. “Especially when it comes to me.”

“Well, he hasn’t let you see me in over a year!” Xavier pouted. You exhaled sharply. It was true… you only traveled when Tony permitted it. You had not been back home in such a long time. “He deprived me of you. He deserved being left behind. Didn’t you say so?”

“That I did. But next time, let me answer,” you poked him roughly on the nose. To give some insight into your relationship, you told him, “Daddy likes hearing my voice, especially when he’s in the state he’s in. Do you understand me?”

“’Daddy’?” Xavier asked, looking put off.

“Yes, he’s quite good at keeping me in line.” Xavier cocked an eyebrow and then burst out laughing. You shrugged, “Most of the time. I’m usually well behaved for him. He just made me mad.”

“I’m getting some very… dom/sub vibes here.”

“Correct.”

“Hmm, that does shed some light on why you’re so mad about that call then.”

“Yeah, you fuck!” you told him, slapping his arm.

“Well, you’ll just get some spankings.”

“I hope that’s the only thing that happens, you dick,” you snapped, seriously.

“Maybe some orgasm denial for his little… babygirl? Princess?” Xavier grinned broadly when he saw your eyes widen at the name. You slapped his arm again, harder this time, and he laughed, pulling away from you. “Is that what he calls you?”

You huffed as you got back into the tub and admitted, “Maybe.” You leveled him with a glare and said, “I’m serious though. Don’t answer the phone again. He’s already mad at me.”

<><><>

Tony had cracked his phone protector with how hard he had slammed it down on the counter after that little prick – whoever he was – had hung up on him. A million, jealous thoughts were running through his mind. Y/N was off with some other man up in Seattle – he had seen the hotel pending charge this morning when he had woken up from his short sleeping stint. She was pregnant with his goddamn kid for fucks sake, and she had the audacity to sleep with someone else.

That was something he could not abide. This was too far.

~~~

Forever tags: @coconutqueen21

#tony stark x reader #dark!tony stark #mob!tony stark #dark tony stark #mob boss tony stark #dark marvel #dark marvel fic #my shit

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dragonsareourfuture · 3 years

Text

Death Note/GN!Reader — Pick Up Lines

A quick little scenario in which your Death Note sweetheart uses a terrible pick up line on you! I feel as though these all kinda suck since I write this a while ago but it’s fine. It’s fine.

Mello

Staying up late every night and watching security footage was not fairing well for Mello. Dark circles started to form underneath his eyes, and you pointed out that he was turning into L, all he needed was black hair and a haircut. He simply responded “The day I cut my hair short is the day the world ends.”

Usually when Mello got tired he would turn into a grumpy, adorable gremlin but, mixed with the excessive amount of chocolate he consumed due to boredom, he had turned loopy. Matt had relied on his headphones to keep him sane, whereas you were left with no escape from the babbling blond.

Mello rambled on and on about how he was going to beat Near with every fiber of his being, slowly getting sidetracked into a conversation about sheep.

“They’re so fucking fluffy. Standing around, eating grass, taunting me.” The blond mumbled, his head resting on your lap as you stroked his hair, listening with genuine interest.

“Mhmm, how do they taunt you?” you inquired, wanting to know more before your boyfriend fell asleep and you never got to find out why he felt so threatened by white, fluffy animals.

“They just...do .”

“Well, I’ll always keep you safe from the mean, mean sheep.”

Mello shifted so that he was gazing up at you. He lifted his hand to your face and gently smacked your cheek with his palm, rubbing his tired eyes with the other hand.

“Aw, babe you’re so sweet when you talk like that... You make me melt like chocolate in the summer~ ”

“I do what?”

Before Mello could answer, unconsciousness grasped him and pulled him down into the dimension of sleep. You sighed, disappointed that you wouldn’t get to hear more, yet also relieved that Mello could finally get the sleep that he needed.

“G’night, Mels,” You whispered, brushing his bangs to the side and kissing his forehead, “You make me melt, too.”

Matt

Matt’s been acting strangely clingy all day. As soon as you noticed this fact, you immediately figured that it was an anniversary or either one of your birthdays and it had slipped your mind. However, upon further inspection of your phone calendar, today appeared to be nothing special.

You were seated on the couch, watching a bit of television while Matt washed the dishes. You had insisted that you could handle that task yourself, but the goggle-wearing sweetheart had insisted that you relax.

Suddenly you heard the sink turn off and footsteps lead up to the couch. You turned around to see the redhead wrapping his arms around your shoulders from behind.

“Hey, I lost my phone number...can I have yours? ” He asked with a sly smile.

“Matt, you have my number. Is that a pickup line? You know we’re already dating, right? Is my number not working?” You interrogated, grabbing his phone from the coffee table and calling your cell from it to ensure that your phone number still worked.

“No- it’s... you’re supposed to go along with it!”

“Well, come up with a better one next time, dumb ass,” You tossed Matt’s phone back at him, the device landing in his lap. He pouted and shoved it into his jacket pocket, getting up to return to the kitchen.

“You’re no fun.”

The room grew dim and increasingly empty as the hours ran further into the day, eventually turning to night. Despite the signs that you should be on your way home, you stayed with the only detective who thought it appropriate to work into the ungodly hours of the night.

You glanced over at L, back turned to you with his nose practically pressed against the computer screen. You rolled your eyes and switched on the main light of the room, saying, “You’re gonna ruin your eyes reading in the dark like that.”

L did not respond but, at the looks of it, kept on reading the minuscule words on his screen with intent.

“Do you need anything? Water? Maybe some cake?” You asked, giggling at the end of your words for no other reason than the tiredness getting to your brain.

“No, thank you. I already have you, and you’re sweeter than cake, anyway,” L droned matter of factly, not even tearing his eyes away from the luminescent screen.

“Awww! Oh my god, L!” You squealed, running up to L and enveloping him in a bone-crushing hug.

“Ah...(name), I c-can’t breathe...”

Near

You could practically hear the blood flow to your brain as you spun around in a desk chair at painful hours of the night. The screens that filled the SPK headquarters shone in your eyes, keeping you awake along with the unhealthy amounts of caffeine you had consumed.

Your white haired boyfriend sat crouched on the floor by your feet. The clicking of building blocks rang throughout the otherwise empty room as he stacked them on top of one another, paying no mind to anything else.

You sighed, placing your chin on the palm of your hand and deflating on the spot. No amount of caffeine could keep you here as late as Near always stayed, no matter how much you wanted it to. You hated that he was here alone all the time and, even though he always tried to convince you that he didn’t care, you knew it took a toll on his mental state.

You shifted in your chair, about to heave your body up when Near’s monotonous voice kept you still.

“(Name).”

You waited for him to continue, and spoke up when he stayed silent, “What’s up, babe?”

“Do you like LEGO ?” Near inquired. His eyes finally met yours as he twirled a LEGO piece in between his fingers.

“Uh, I guess—“

“Because I want to build a world with you... ”

You froze, wondering if the caffeine was getting to your head or if Near had actually used a pickup line on you — and a goddamn adorable one at that.

A weak smile tugged at your lips. You slid off the office chair and dropped to your knees on the cold tile beside Near, throwing your arms around the boy without another word.

Though he stiffened at first, Near melted under your embrace. He buried his face into your shoulder and wrapped his noodle arms around your torso. You stayed like this for either a minute, or an hour. It was so quiet that you could hear your hearts beating in sync. Everything was so perfect, so loving, so-

“ARE YOU GUYS STILL HERE!?”

Your heart nearly burst from your chest at the sound of a door banging against metal and the rough tone of Rester calling out to you.

Near grumbled and shoved his face into your neck, trying and failing to escape the booming echo of footsteps that approached your little heap on the floor.

“Yeah,” your voice came out ragged and small, but enough for Rester to hear and follow, “right here.”

“You both look exhausted! Come on, let’s get you to sleep.”

When Near barely moved a muscle, you took it upon yourself to pick up his limp body from the floor bridal style and carry him to bed. Though you almost dropped the poor boy more than once, you’d say you did a fairly good job. And, once you were both snuggled up in bed, you got a good nights rest of a solid three hours of sleep. It was the most Near’s gotten in weeks, so you were not complaining.

Light

Though you were already in a relationship with Light, the cheesy lines and swooning from him never ceased. You wouldn’t have to fend him off with a stick but he loved to be all over you even when he already won you over, and you loved that about him.

This was mainly exhibited when you two were alone together, him finding public displays of affection to be childish and overall unnecessary as everyone you hung around with at school respected your relationship quite nicely.

The two of you were strolling on the sidewalk after a headache inducing day of school. His arm was resting lazily over your neck as you walked while all attention was focused on you and you alone. You ranted about the difficulties of the day and, although they were mostly all minor inconveniences, they really got under your skin once all added up.

When you had finished, you huffed and rubbed at your temple.

Breaking the silence that followed, Light blurted, “How would you like to be the goddess of the new world? You wouldn’t have to deal with that crap anymore.”

You laughed, reaching up to lace your fingers with the hand that dangled by your shoulder. “Dude, I barely know what taxes are. I don’t think I can handle being a goddess.”

“Aw, that’s a shame,” Light pouted jokingly.

The two of you came to a stop in front of his house, him pulling you flush against him and just staring wistfully (up/down) at you. “Do you want to come in? I’m sure Sayu will be delighted to see you.”

“Oh, I’d love to but I don’t want to intrude—“

“Nonsense. Come on.”

And so, Light guided you into his home, his mother and Sayu cheerfully greeting you at the door and whisking you away into a night of wonderful conversation and a lovely dinner.

Matsuda

You took advantage of the daylight, working nonstop so that you wouldn’t have to stay after hours to get your unfinished work done.

Through your tireless efforts, you failed to notice a pair of familiar eyes glancing back at you every so often. You only noticed a change in your boyfriend’s behavior when he came rolling up to your desk in his wheely chair, resting his chin on his elbows and looking at you expectantly.

“Hey, what’s up, Teddy Bear?” You greeted, barely tearing your eyes from the papers splayed out all across your desk.

Matsuda grinned from ear to ear every time he heard that nickname. It made him feel wanted and loved whenever he was around you. Sometimes, this caused the filter between his brain and his mouth to thin, allowing whatever he’s thinking in that moment to slip out.

“Do you have a map? Because I’m getting lost in your eyes... ” he said dreamily.

Your head shot up in an instant, puzzled by the seemingly random affection, only to see Matsuda covering his lips as a dark blush began to rise on his cheeks and the tips of his ears. “Th-that’s not...I-“

“Honey...” you shook your head and sighed, placing your pen down flat on the desk, “That is the literal worst line ever but it sounds wonderful coming from you.”

“O-oh. Thanks?” He chuckled nervously, massaging the back of his neck as his skin became slick with sweat.

You leaned over the desk and pecked his lips before collecting your paperwork in a neat stack, placing it all carefully in your shoulder bag, careful not to bend any corners. “Why don’t I finish my work in that nice little coffee shop across the street. Join me?”

“Y-yes! I’d love to. It’s getting a little stuffy in here, anyway.”

Misa

“Ughhhhh I’m so tired! What a day!” Misa exclaimed, stretching out her arms above her head as she walked over to her folding chair. The white, feathery wings fastened to her back smacked people and equipment as she passed them, but you saw her as nothing but elegant.

Your girlfriend plopped her butt down into the fragile chair, giving Matsuda a scare when it nearly toppled over. With beads of sweat trickling down his forehead, he handed the girl her coffee.

“Aw, thanks, Matsu! And you too, (Name)! I wouldn’t be able to do any of my scenes without you guys cheering me on!”

You chuckled, cheeks turning a dusted shade of pink at Misa’s praise. “Dont give us all the credit, babe. You’re the one giving your all up there.”

Misa twisted in her chair to grab at your hand and intertwine her fingers with yours. “You’re too sweet, honey! Y’know, if it were up to me, you’d be the one wearing these wings!”

“Oh, I don’t know, I couldn’t take your place!” You said, gesturing to the fountain where Misa’s scene had just been filmed.

The blonde giggled and brought your fingers to her lips, giving them a couple kisses before shaking her head. “I meant I’d have you in these wings because you’re an absolute Angel , silly!”

Before you could even begin to respond, Matsuda beat you to it. “Aww my gosh, you guys! Could I be the best man at your wedding?”

“Hmm...” you pretended to ponder while tapping your chin with your index finger. “How do you feel about being the flower boy?”

“Done!”

139 notes · View notes

baby-bearie · 4 years

Text

pretending like it’s real

(not my gif)

jj maybank x reader, a little platonic john b x reader

tags: @sunflowermotel @maybe-maybanks @katie-avery @howdyherron @yelyahryan @obxwriterfan

a/n: yeah i know i need to stop writing fics at 2 am but i do my best at night. i’ve been throwing fluff at you, so this one is 2k of ANGST. i also wrote this in the dark, so i apologize for any mistakes i didn’t catch.

warnings: swearing, death, guns, gun violence

He’s right next to you.

He’s laying right next to you, soft snores are tumbling out from his lips and into your skin, and his arm is thrown over your stomach.

So why does he feel so far away? Why are you crying? After so many nights of this, why are you so surprised that you can cry yourself to sleep when he’s right there. Why are you so surprised he doesn’t notice?

As your cheeks grow wetter and wetter you make no motion to wipe them. You can’t risk waking him up. He’ll ask questions, and it’ll all be over. No more nights with him. Crying or not.

You can’t risk that. You’ll take pretending like it’s real, pretending like he’s really yours over facing the fact that he never has been.

You’ll take laying on John B’s couch with him, even if he doesn’t look at you once. Even if he’s always looking at her.

You’ll take the hugs and the kisses, you’ll take the late night visits, you’ll take the pet names, you’ll take all of it, even though for him, he’s giving it to her.

You know he is. You know that when he kisses you he’s thinking of her. You know that everytime he calls you baby, he wishes he was saying it to her.

You know that even when he’s sleeping next to you, he’ll dream of her.

And as you look at him tonight, you know. You can keep pretending, but only if he keeps dreaming of her.

And so you do. You let yourself keep pretending like he’s yours and like this has always been what you want it to be. He’s in love with you. You pretend he’s in love with you.

And you have every intent to keep on pretending, but apparently not everyone got that memo.

According to John B, ‘this is unhealthy for you’. According to John B, you need to be ‘let go’, because JJ has ‘obviously no feelings for you’.

At least that’s what you hear standing a few feet away from the heated whispering inside the Chateau.

John is trying to protect you. He is, he knows that you are fully in love with JJ. He knows you would live and die for him. And he also knows JJ would live and die for her. He says, ‘it’s unfair to you’.

You look to the skies, in a last ditch, a last attempt at hope that JJ will fight for you. He’ll tell John B how wrong he is, how he loves you, how the past 10 months have meant something to him, and you can stop hoping you were a little bit more than a replacement.

But, oh, how wrong you are.

There’s 5 seconds of silence that feels like eternity.

“Dude, she doesn’t love me. Y/n does.”

And your heart shatters.

You swear you can hear it break like glass, and you feel the tiny fragments pierce your lungs, your ribs, you swear you feel the broken glass embed into you.

You break outside the Chateau where he kissed you for the first time as you listen to him tell John that she’ll never be in love with him, but you still are.

And if he can’t have her, he might as well have you.

“Beats being alone.”

You cover your ears. You can’t hear anymore of this. The more he keeps talking, the harder and harder it gets to pretend this is still real. The more and more you have to face that it never will be.

And when that hits you, you can’t stop the wail that pours out of you as you sink to the ground. Your sobs are heavy and loud, and you know the boys are coming outside, and you don’t care.

Let him come. Let him see the damage he’s done.

Let him see how he broke you.

“Y/n? Baby, are you alright?” JJ’s face is panicked, and you know it’s not because you’re hyperventilating. He’s scared you heard him.

He crouches down and reaches out to touch you, and you scream. You scramble away from him.

“Don’t touch me! You don’t touch me!” His face falls, but you don’t even see it. You can’t look at him.

“Y/n,” his voice starts.

“No, don’t fucking come near me! I was,” you’re panting now, gasping for air, “ I was nothing, wasn’t I? I was her placeholder, wasn’t I?”

He’s silent.

“You only liked me because I could be her for you. You could- you pretended like I was her? Is that it? Please, JJ, tell me it’s not. Fucking lie to me, tell me it’s not! You can keep pretending I’m her. Please, JJ, I can keep pretending it was real.”

He’s silent. He’s silent and it hurts worse than anything he could’ve had to say.

You crawl over to the end of the patio, and you throw up into the bushes. John B rushes to your side, and you let him. He’s not JJ.

He helps you up, onto your feet, and you clutch onto him. You sob into his shoulder, as JJ stands helplessly watching. He doesn’t know what to say.

He knows nothing he says will fix this.

You turn, and you run. You can hear John B yelling for you, and before they’re out of ear shot, you hear a loud thud, and he’s shoved JJ down.

You run back to your home, and you rip the sheets off the bed. You can’t sleep in them anymore.

You sleep on a bare mattress that night, but for the first night in weeks, you sleep.

And you sleep the day after and the day after that.

And you recover. Bit by bit, with your friends by your side, you get off the mattress. They shove food into you, they get you to shower, and after a good month of recovery, they manage to force you into a swimsuit and out onto the marsh. And it feels good.

Nobody will tell you how JJ is. You don’t want to see him, you’re not ready, but you want them to tell you he’s okay. You beg them to just tell you he is, but nobody will. They just avoid the question.

You know he’s not with her. He’s not with her because she’s with you. She helps you recover, like the amazing friend she’s always been, and for that, you’ll never be able to blame her at all.

2 months after the last time you saw JJ, you and John are going to a kegger out in the Boneyard. The other two agree to meet you there, and after a few minutes of making sure you’re okay and switching out your beer for a soda, which makes you groan, John B leaves you.

You wander off to find a friend, but you don’t come across any of them. You find someone to talk to, and have settled down with another “soda” when you hear shouting. It’s Pope’s voice, and you can hear John B too. You excuse yourself from the boy you were talking to, and you follow the sound of their voices into the middle of a crowd of people, you break out into the front of the crowd.

You recognize the cap on the ground in front of you immediately, and panicking, look up at the two boys throwing punches at each other.

You can already tell from the back who it is, and you’re frozen in your spot.

He grabs something that’s in the other boy’s hands, and they struggle over whatever is between them.

You can see the other boy’s face now, and under a few bruises you recognize Rafe Cameron.

You’re frantic, panicking, but you don’t know what to do, so, you scream for him to stop.

John B catches your eye as you shout, and his eyes widen.

“Y/n, get out of here!” He shouts.

You have no clue how JJ heard it over the uproar of the crowd, but he looks at John B, and following his gaze, he pivots to look at you.

It’s so much worse than you could’ve ever hoped.

His eyes are sunken and bruised, he looks like he hasn’t slept in days, and hasn’t been drinking anything other than beer. He freezes when he sees you, and his mouth parts. You’re sure you look the same.

However, he’s pivoted Rafe towards you too, and a shout from someone near you alerts you to the fact that the dark object they’re fighting over is a gun.

Your eyes widen, and you hear your friends screaming to get out of the way, but he’s still looking at you, and it’s rooting you to the spot.

There’s a bang, and all of a sudden you feel like you’ve been dunked in freezing cold water. Everybody’s voices are coming through to you as if you’re underwater.

You’re still looking at him, but something’s different.

JJ’s screaming now too, Rafe is running. Everybody’s running.

Why are they all running?

JJ’s running too, but towards you. All of your friends are too. They’re not looking at your eyes. They’re looking at your stomach. When did it get so hot? You look down, and your eyes widen at the blood spread all over your abdomen.

You touch your hand to your stomach and when it comes away, it’s covered in red blood. Your knees buckle under you, and you fall.

JJ reaches you just in time, catching your head on his lap.

His shaky hands hover over you, scared to touch you, to move you.

Pope is screaming for help. John is right next to you, he’s shouting your name. All of them look like they’re crying. You look back at your stomach and you take a deep breath.

It hurts. You can’t get the breath in. You look up at JJ, then at John B.

“This is it, isn’t it?”

“Stop it, why would you say that, you’re gonna be okay,” John forces out.

“JJ,” you look up at him. “Y/n, please, keep your eyes open, you’re gonna be okay,” he sobs out.

“JJ,” you stop him, and a shivering hand reaches up to brush the hair falling up behind his ear.

His tears are falling on your cheeks.

“JJ, listen, I’m gonna be fine, okay?’

JJ nods.

“I’m gonna go soon, but that is not your fault, JJ.”

“I did this to you, Y/n.”

“No, JJ, you didn’t. I’m gonna go soon, but I’m gonna be okay. I’m gonna be perfectly alright wherever I go, so you don’t need to worry that you hurt me.”

“Stop it, Y/n, Pope is getting help and you’re gonna stay with me.”

“No, J, I don’t get to- I don’t get to be here anymore. Okay? I have to leave.”

JJ clutches onto your hand that cups his cheek, he’s shaking his head quickly.

You look back at John B.

“You, you take care of them. Pope needs that scholarship, alright, I don’t want you idiots convincing him to do some bullshit and give that up,” you laugh a little and wince at how it makes your stomach hurt.

“You can watch him get that scholarship yourself.”

“Please, John B, take care of them.”

He nods, unable to speak. “Promise me, please.” “I promise. I promise, Y/n.”

You look back at JJ.

“Keep your eyes open, Y/n.”

“They’re not gonna get here in time, J. Promise me you’re gonna be okay.” You can barely keep your eyes open, as you gasp for breath. He shakes his head. “Promise me, JJ.”

“I promise. I’m sorry, Y/n, I’m so sorry.”

“I know. I know you are. I’m just glad I got to see you again.”

And with the two promises that your friends are taken care of, you let yourself drift off. You were already so tired.

JJ shakes you once, twice. John B punches into the sand next to you and screams.

JJ is gasping for breath, staring down at you lying in his lap like you used to on John B’s couch.

Oh, what he’d give to pretend this wasn’t real.

2K notes · View notes

plush-rabbit · 3 years

Text

LOV W/ Quirkless S/O

A/N: More just on taking care of them (i went a little OOC w/ them because I thought about Jin putting a jacket around your shoulders and I cried)

Bubaigawara Jin:

Jin treats you as if you are made of glass. He is just full of emotions and love and he doesn’t try to hide it. He’s eager to go up to you, to wrap his arms around you and keep you protected. His personalities will switch over from time to time, but even if they do, his hands never leave your body, constantly fretting over to check if you have any bruises or bumps.

While you two are out together, he takes great care of you. He’s intimidating. He’s a well-built man who has quite a stare even behind a mask, so most people avoid getting into any sort of altercations with either of you. He has an arm around your waist, pulling you close whenever you are near, pulling your leg up to overlap his, his hands constantly on you.

He’s actually rather glad that you’re weak. He doesn’t like the negative side effects that it comes with but he’s happy that you rely on him so much. He likes knowing that he found his place in a family. He found his place with you and he likes to pull you on his lap and keep you safe.

If you happen to faint near him, he’s quick to catch you. He’ll scoop you up and will hold you while resuming his activities as if everything is normal. He doesn’t fret too much with your spells since you get back right up. He’ll only worry if you actually hit yourself on the fall or if you tell him that you’re feeling queasy. At that point, he’ll settle you down and bring you some alcohol wipes to have your senses focus on something. He’s knowledgeable about the human body so he knows how to give you a quick fix-up when needed.

Jin values you. If you’re feeling ill, he keeps you close. He’s reliable, so he’ll go on whatever mission that he needs to, but he checks in on you every hour. His rough hands will glide over your sleeping body, he’ll nuzzle close to you and move his hand to the base of your neck and slowly curve over the back of your head and press his lips to your forehead. He’s greedy and he’s pulling you close, promising that he’ll protect you till death.

Dabi:

Dabi is indifferent to it in the beginning. If you faint, he’ll raise a brow and fix you up, smoothing out your hair to check for any bumps and if you seem fine, he doesn’t really fret over you. He’s seen you faint a few times and you always come out of it all right, so he isn’t too worried about you. As the relationship strengthens, he values your input with various hypotheticals, going over different plans and just hearing what you have to say.

On the rare occasion that you two do go out, he has a hand on you. It can often be seen as possessive- a hand around the back of your neck, arm hooked around you, and while a hand hold doesn’t seem possessive, he has a tight hold on your hand, enough to cause a slight strain but not uncomfortable. He’s fiercely protective but in a quiet way. He has a hand on you to steer you out of harm’s way, to keep you close to him and make sure that if you do start to feel weak, you can lean on him.

You’re quirkless and you’re weak. He isn’t going to let anything bad happen to you. He’ll act indifferent to caring about you but that’s how he is, he doesn’t want to show his true colors to the public or even to the privacy of your eyes. He keeps a hold on you to keep you from bumping into things. If you were to faint in front of him, he’s quick on his feet and he’ll catch you- pulling on your collar or arm usually.

If you tire easily, he tries to find a reason why in an inconspicuous way. He’ll tug on your arm and tell you that he’s tired so you two have to sleep earlier, stroke at your back and keep an arm above your chest, keeping you trapped there and if you are unable to sleep, he’ll talk to you, tell you a story about a heist he once did or have you just talk to him about anything. If you aren’t eating well, he forces you to have small snacks in between meals- a granola bar, fruit, a smoothie- just something so you don’t have an empty stomach.

Dabi is a complicated character. He doesn’t want to form an attachment because he wants to believe that he doesn’t need it because he just doesn’t- various reasons- but you’re this fragile thing who clings to him for protection, who eats what he has to offer and while the input is valuable, he likes to hear you speak. He’ll keep you as safe as he can, try to understand the type of pain that you go through.

Iguchi Shuichi:

Shuichi panics when he finds you growing tired randomly. However, it’s internalized, so when he feels you leaning against him, slow moving arms and hands that wrap around his, he thinks you’re just trying to cause him to grow flustered, so he’ll nudge his arm to get you to pay attention only to ee your tired eyes that you can hardly keep open. He’ll stiffen, take a sharp intake of breath and just let you rest while he figures what’s wrong in his mind.

He tries to maintain a cool composure but at the end of the day, seeing you grow tired for no apparent reason, makes him nervous. He tries to find a reason for it, grabbing your face in his hands, claws that brush gently over your skin as he searches your eyes. If you cover your hands with his eyes, he narrows his eyes and will move to pinch your cheeks, the side of his fingers squishing the fat of your face.

He will try to find a reason why you’re feeling so tired. He’ll let you sleep in longer, shutting off any alarms before you have a chance to stir. He’ll curve his hand over your forehead, checking if you have a fever before he leaves to get ready for the day. He’ll check how long you naturally sleep and when you start to take a pill for an ache in your body, he will make you sit and rest. He’ll usually have a small snack for you- a bag of candy or some gummies that you can snack on.

He desperately tries to make sure that you don’t overwork yourself. He’ll sit by you, have you put your work down- yes, he understands how important it is for you to plan for future missions, but he needs you to understand that your health is more important. He’ll have you sit by him, a hand over your hip as he keeps you by him, watching him play a video game or a let’s play.

He’s easily flustered and his words to you are often strained because he’s nervous about messing up in front of you. He will press himself close to you late at night, rub his claws down your spine and scold when he finds that you’re still awake even though your eyes are drooping. Shuichi knows that you’re lying when you tell him you can’t sleep but when you bury your head in his chest and beg for him to talk to you, he’ll agree and talk about a movie he once saw when he was small and the details are all over the place and he’s unable to recall more than the emotional parts, but it’s enough for you to sleep.

Sako Atsuhiro:

As expressive and eccentric that Atsuhiro can be, he’s quite easily surprised when he finds out just how fragile you are. He’s visibly taken aback when you faint in front of him and he’s grateful for the mask that covers his frantic eyes and there’s a jerk of his hands as he reaches out towards you, only for you to pop back up rubbing the top of your head.

He keeps a close eye on you. He doesn’t want you going out alone in case you happen to feel ill and he tries to convince you to go with him or let him go. He’s worrisome. The showman is nervous around you, intertwining your hands before you have a chance to answer and he’s already pulling you away.

His first instinct when you faint in front of him is to catch you. However, he’ll often encase you in a marble when he does so. He’s secure enough in his abilities that he could catch you before you have a chance to actually hit the floor but putting you in a marble and doing a quick trick of his fingers allows for a louder action. He has this growing grin that quickly turns smug when you’re in his arms and he’ll kiss your forehead and make a sly remark about how he caught you.

During your fainting spells, he tries to keep a closer eye on you to see how you act before actually fainting. He watches for a stumble in your step, how you lean into him or the weakening of your hand. He pulls you close to his chest and will step to the side, asking if you feel alright. There are moments where he asks for you to describe what you feel like when you’re about to faint- pure curiosity to see if you can pinpoint it before your body can react.

Ever-present, Atsuhiro doesn’t leave your side. He values what you have to say and while he isn’t fond of letting you be alone, he’ll swallow the nervous feeling that lodges in his throat and press a kiss against the tip of your nose, a gloves hand curving around your face as he whispers against your lips to call if you feel ill and not to push yourself. He’s entirely devoted, asking for a few favors and making sure whatever workload you have is shortened.

Shigaraki Tomura:

Tomura tries to act like he doesn’t care. He’ll act like your fainting spells are an annoyance to him. Even in the beginning, he’ll mutter under his breath about how annoying that it is that you faint. But he’s extremely nervous. His eyes will widen and his hands will reach towards you before he remembers and he pulls his hands back. He feels awful- especially when he gets harsh stares from other members. It’s understandable but there isn’t much he can do about it.

He can’t do much when it comes to physically taking care of you. He’ll offer you the things you need to help you feel better, ignore the stare of Kurogiri when he sneaks you snacks, and sometimes he enables the more unhealthy behavior. It’s not on purpose but he likes staying up late with you and having you sleep in for the simple fact that you always curl next to him or find a way to just be near him when he insists for you to sleep separately.

However when he starts to see that you’re growing weary from the simplest act and resulting in you passing out during random hours, he stops the behavior. He grows as a person and in turn he takes on a more caring approach to you. He’s strict as time goes on, he’ll make you go to bed at a certain time, have you finish plans in the morning if you have things to do.

He isn’t a fan to argue with you on something that is important to your health. He wants to know that you are getting the rest that you need and once he gains control of his quirk, he’s leaner with you. He’ll let you stay near him as long as you don’t work or do anything that prevents you from sleeping and he’ll run his hand up and down your back or massage at your hand.

Tomura will still let you sleep in. He likes to watch as you sleep, pressed against his side with a hand thrown over his body and he’s just watching you. The sun peeks through the window and his alarm rings as time edges closer to a meeting and he’ll sigh. He lets you sleep in, letting you get all the rest that you need while he has the more strenuous work saved for others.

Toga Himiko:

Himiko winces when she sees you faint for the first time but she’s quick to act. She’ll run her hand over your head, check for any bumps or possibly broken bones, and when you awaken, she’ll ask if you’re okay and if you say you are, she’ll lightly tap your head. She can almost always tell afterwards if you’ve gotten enough rest or if you’re eating properly.

She knows that eating healthy won’t solve everything but it’s a step in the right direction. As much as her lovesick attitude can make her appear ditzy, she’s quite intelligent. So she’ll see you start to rub at your eyes or lean against a solid surface and she’ll pull you down to sit next to her and offer a sweet that she has on hand. She tries to be dotting; absolutely falling in love with the idea of being your strong knight.

She likes having you lay on her lap or cling to her sleeve when you start to feel a bit dizzy. She appreciates the feeling where you trust her enough to start to lean onto her. While your drowsiness appears more often, she really does love it. She likes the clinginess that you start to show, the heaviness of your eyes where you’ll try to keep your eyes open in order to hear her talk more or plan things out.

There are times where she’ll end something early just so you two can leave. She doesn’t care for consequences and she gives you a cheeky smile when you both run from prior engagements. She likes to just find a quiet spot, play with make-up or watch a video online. Oftentimes, if she has the feeling that you’re growing tired, she’ll offer for you to lay on her lap or will just talk about her day, oftentimes mentioning the League in one of her stories.

Himiko loves when you seemingly pass out beside her. She loves to just move you onto her lap and press her face close to yours and watch you. She’ll trace a delicate finger over your features, dip her finger on your cupid’s bow and just watch. She likes to take pictures and if someone happens to come by and you aren’t awake yet and she knows that you’re fine, she’ll have people be silent as she continues whatever she was doing while you get rest.

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lustbile-archive · 4 years

Text

Want To Request a Song?

JohnnyxReader

Word Count: 3.5k

Summary/Warning: the third installment of the club x series. Full on public sex and exhibitionism, knife/blood play, and can border on being degrading so read at your own risk. This is also the one best at explaining what tf is going on in club x

Apart of my Club X series: Masterlist

You knew what Club X was way before you even walked through its doors.

A friend of a friend let the details of the gritty part of town spill from her lips when you had gotten together to have drinks and trade gossip in the safety of her apartment. You were equally as guilty of letting your lips loosen from the alcohol swimming in your veins, and you let this girl you knew very little about in on your secret that it had been a while since you had last gotten any. An even longer time since anyone had made you properly come. Why you let her in on such intimate details about your sex life was a mystery, but the advice she shared in response didn’t hurt in the slightest.

“There’s this club you know,” she had said, in a tone that was meant to be a whisper but fell a little short. Her nails that were decorated in chipping polish brushed comfortingly across your shoulder as she wiggled her eyebrows at you, “i’ve only been a few times, but it’s where you need to go if you’re in a desperate need for a fucking.”

You giggled at her choice words, your eyes rolling in disbelief, “so a sex club hm? I don’t know about that.”

“No, no, no,” her words slurred as she returned your laughter, clearly pleased with your doubt, “it’s better than just a sex club. See, you go and it’s like the universe creates the exact person you need right when you walk in.”

“The universe hm?”

“Yeaaaahh. The universe…” her eyes squint as her thoughts drift off momentarily, “like you walk in and they just find you. They find you and it’s like they put this spell on you. It makes you so hot like instantly, and then you’re down to business right then and there.”

“Right then and there?!” you have to admit that you’re humoring her at this point, but you’re still a little scandalized at her words, “like in front of everyone?”

“No! No, no, no,” her hands wave in front of her face like she’s swatting at an invisible bug, “I mean yeah, but it’s like they can’t even see you.”

“What they just ignore the two people just having full on sex in the middle of a club?”

“Yeah, I mean unless you want to be seen,” she explains, her face screwing up in confusion when you don’t seem to understand what she’s saying, “Listen, I can’t explain it the way they do. There’s just something that these people can do that just takes away every worry you have. You’re just there and in the moment. It’s so great you’ll just have to go or you’ll never understand.”

You humor her and let her write the address down in your phone, smiling fondly when she keeps your phone a little longer to add vulgar emojis along side the information.

And for a while that was it. The address remained in your phone, forgotten as it got buried underneath grocery lists and reminders that made little to no sense out of context. All it took for you to finally pay the club a visit was one night.

You found yourself bored out of your mind and far too horny for your own good. You were too frustrated and pissed off at the world to give yourself the satisfaction of masturbating, so instead you just sat on your phone, cleaning out your photos and notepad when you stumbled on the address paired with its mess of emojis.

Without any further thought you were up, getting ready, and calling an uber to take you to the address provided by the bubbly drunk girl. You tried to ignore the wary and judgmental glare from the driver as you pulled up on an old warehouse that was decorated with blaring red neon lights that only read “Club X: Enter at Your Own Risk.”

To say that night was a fluke was an understatement. People approached you of course, but there was no magical hypnosis that you were promised, not that you were really expecting it to actually happen. There were cute people, but no one that cut at your core enough to dull your irritation at the world. Instead you sipped at a drink someone else had graciously paid for, ogled at the pretty man working the DJ booth surrounded by his friends, and then caught another uber home with the personal promise that that would be your first, and last visit to Club X.

Well you told yourself that at least.

It was only about a week later that you found yourself pulling out an outfit and opening your uber app. You chalked it up to needing a good drink, but there was a confused nagging in the back of your mind that told you that you had no good reason for actually returning.

With a different uber driver, but a similar glare, you found yourself back at the dingy club. You sat in the same seat as before, had a new pretty face order you the same drink, as you found your glance being pulled back to the same cute DJ.

You felt some shame finding him so cute. He seemed out of place in the club. Most people here were dressed in party clothes, while he wore neutral toned hoodies, and this time a hat turned backwards. His headphone only left his ears a handful of times so he could laugh and jeer with the men that surrounded him almost like permanent ornaments. Truthfully he was handsome as hell, but other than that what was there to stare at?

You left that night with that thought pulling at your mind, and you returned multiple times after with the same thought nagging you every time.

You were becoming a regular at the club, as embarrassing as it was. Even though you had yet to experience any wild sexual magic like you had been drunkenly promised, it was like the first night your drink was spiked with a magnet that pulled you towards the building almost every weekend at this point. You hadn’t told the girl that had given you the address, and you definitely didn’t tell any of your friends. You just didn’t want them to believe that you were developing an unhealthy dependency on alcohol, even though you would never even finish one glass. And maybe if you were getting shit faced, you would understand why you kept returning, but every time you’d leave so sober that you could convince someone you hadn’t drank at all.

The first few times, you scrambled for an explanation for why you couldn’t stay away, but you always feel short. It was as if your own body was keeping a secret from your mind. It was beginning to be muscle memory they way you’d get dressed and call for an uber every time.

And you’d think with how much time you’d spent at the crowded club, watching random strangers create masses of sexual energy, you’d had seen everything, but you stiffen in confusion when you see it.

A pretty girl hopped up to the dj booth, her wild hair bouncing along with her, as the girl she was making out with only moments before giggled and squirmed in her seat. The look the DJ wears is disinterested, but aware when she leans her hands down on his table to start spilling hiccuped words in his face.

You can only see her mouth moving at a rapid pace, the music and the distance between you making her words impossible to hear. Whatever she asked prompts a gentle nod from the man, and as she prances away he moves his fingers across the knobs and switches until a new song starts to spill out of the speakers tucked into various corners of the room.

Did she request a song change? The questions runs through your mind as your eyes trace her form, your eyes only darting away when she tackles the other girl and shoves her tongue into the space of her mouth.

You had never seen someone request a song from the man, the closest thing maybe being a jab to the back from one of his friends that was a consistent character as he casually suggested something. Realistically, requesting a certain song isn’t incredibly weird, but something about the knowledge that the tall broad man standing on the platform that placed him so highly above the other bodies in the room is actually approachable was frying the nerves in your brain.

A few songs come and go by the time you’re standing up, your legs feeling as if they’re moving on their own. You’re not sure at what point between learning that you were allowed to walk up to him and you actually starting to walk towards him that you decided that you needed to get close, but the time you’re regaining your consciousness, you’re climbing the small set of stairs leading up the stage.

He seems to notice your presence before you reach him, as while you're still a bit away, his head lifts to lock his eyes onto yours. The way he smiles at you makes you stop momentarily and hesitate, one corner of his lips rises higher than the other gives his face a less than good intentioned aura. Instead of making you falter and turn back to return to the drink you had abandoned at the bar, you feel your stomach warm and turn as you pick up your steps.

Your hips bump into the edge of the table as you lean your palms flat on the top, your nails gently digging into the material as you try to form a sentence in your head. Your tongue rolls against your teeth and your lips part before he’s looking down again, but interrupting you with his own words.

“It’s about time you came up here,” he adds a dry laugh when he hears the confused noise that jumps from your chest. He ignores the quiet ‘hm?’ you offer in response before he continues, “I mean I would have made a move first but I can’t really leave my station y’know?”

He shrugs as he returns his eyes to you, clearly entertained by your confusion. Your eyes dart around his face, momentarily moving to glance at the boys that are scattered behind him either holding their own conversations or watching you two in amusement. When you look at him, he looks expectant.

One of the boys jeers at him saying, ‘fuck off John, you know they don’t know what you’re talking about.’ And even though the comment only adds to your confusion, you can’t stop the way your body warms at the spike of embarrassment it puts in you, the man in front of you only responding to the remark by digging his tongue into the inside of his cheek in irritation.

“You came here looking for trouble didn’t you?” it takes you a beat to realize he’s asking you, another moment to realize the question is meant to be suggestive, and one last one to form a response.

“I think I might be,” you feel yourself dumbly nod, as your chest gets fuzzy. Maybe this is when you finally get to experience what that girl had promised so many weeks ago. Could the dj have been your person this whole time?

“Ah ah,” he shakes his head almost disappointedly, “I need a solid yes before I can give you what you need baby. You should know that much at least.”

“I- I mean, okay,” consent you understood, but the way he says it makes your brain swim in confusion. Why wouldn’t you say yes?

“Yes. I’m looking for trouble,” you say, your own confidence finally finding its way into your words, “I’m looking to cause trouble with you.”

The smile he wears is evil, and absolutely giddy with your return of energy. He takes a few steps back from the table and gestures to his side saying, “then please, enter my office.”

You feel a jolt of energy hit you, before you’re rounding the corner of the table. You only have a second to register the sharp pain of where your hip bumped into the corner, before he’s wrapping his large hand around the back of your neck and pulling you to press his mouth against yours.

His warm breath could have been considered an aphrodisiac in the way it fills your mouth and warms your core. His other hand wraps around your waist as he backs you into the table, his hands and lips so suddenly on you is overwhelming, but not enough to distract you from the way his friends begin to start oohing at the spectacle you two put on.

What had that girl said? No one can see you unless you want them to? With the handful of boys surrounding you, you can’t help but to doubt that you can just make yourself vanish from their prying eyes, but even if you could, would you want to? You feel warm in shame, as while his tongue dips behind your teeth and explore the space of your mouth, you start to feel excited at the idea of all his friends watching you get the relief you had been craving for so long.

The moment your subconscious decided you want the boys to see you in such a vulnerable state, one of them lets out a scandalized and excited yelp, before turning to another and exclaiming, “oh shit they want us to see them. Look at that.”

The boys attached to your mouth smiles as he pulls your bottom lip between his teeth, a warm laugh filling the air between you, “hmm so bad aren’t you? You like to be watched?”

You whine in response, as your hands move to claw at his soft t-shirt. Your hips jump and knock into his when his fingers start to grope and squeeze at your flesh. You’re acutely aware at the way he presses his leg between yours and uses his hand to make you start grinding on his thigh.

“How ‘bout you give them a real show and bend over nice a pretty for us,” it’s not a question, but a demand as he lifts you slightly away from the table, and turns you to push your torso down flat. You try to take deep breaths, as his hands run up and down your sides until the tips of his fingers pinch the hem of your skirt.

“There we go,” he sounds overtly proud, when he flips the fabric up to lay against your back, his friends responding to the newly exposed flesh of your ass with appreciative whistles.

He steps to the side of you, his hands slipping between your hips and the table to lift them up. He uses his grip to move you side to side, shamelessly encouraging you to tauntingly move your hips for the many sets of eyes. If it wasn’t for the way your walls softly clench around nothing, you would be ashamed of the way being watched like this makes you drip.

He begins to drag the thin fabric of your underwear down, to tease not only you, but your engaged viewers. Once the fabric hits the floor, there’s a chorus of hisses and groans at the sight of you wet and excited.

You whimper at the feeling of so many eyes tracing your body, even louder when the man grabs onto the flesh of your ass to spread you for them all to see. You don’t know what comes over you when you petulantly kick the floor and let out a demanding ‘please.’

The only response you get in return is his hand running against you to check the severity of your arousal and the jeers from the boys of how, ‘Johnny got a bratty one.’

If it weren’t for the blaring music, you’d hear the metallic sound of his zipper being pulled down, the only thing you get as a warning that he had pulled himself from the restraints of his underwear, is when the leaking tip of his cock begins to dip into you.

You feel the tense strain on your muscles melt away as he presses into you. The size of him stretching you out makes you feel delirious as you’re thankful for the amount he’s managed to make you wet in such a short amount of time, as if he hadn’t you’re not sure he’d be able to fit so easily.

When his hips finally press tightly against you, he lets out a rumbled groan. His hands hold tightly to your hips as he pauses to give you both time to adjust, and you can only somewhat hear the shuffling of the others as they move in an attempt to get a better angle to watch.

His thrusts are lazy and deep as he moves against you, one hand leaves your skin and the fabric of his shirt moves away telling you he’s lifting it in his own attempt to get a better look at where he fucks into you.

Your legs part farther as you begin to desperately shake, the way he digs into every nerve inside you makes you keen, but you want nothing more than to have him move harder.

“Please John,” you beg, trying to see how his name would taste in your mouth, your own hand moving back to wrap tightly around his wrist.

“Shut the fuck up,” you barely register the pain that burns through your skin from where his open palm meets the sensitive skin of you ass. His tone was harsh, but the satisfied chuckle that not only leaves him, but also his friends, makes a dopey grin fill your face as a moan rolls off your tongue.

“Fuck look at how bad they want it,” the voice from your side tells you it’s someone else, the tone excited and bubbly as if they’re watching something a lot more innocent than a stranger get fucked in the middle of a club.

“So bad huh?” Johnny sounds almost proud at the way you and everyone reacts to the pleasure he’s giving you, “such a good little whore, taking everything I’ll give.”

Pleads and begs roll off your tongue as his harsh words fry your brain. His hips only quicken slightly before he’s grabbing your side to pull you up against him. It feels like a flash of time, when he grabs the hem of your shirt, and pulls it over your head. Once you're bare to the stuffy air of the club and your shirt is thrown carelessly over his shoulder, you're just as quickly shoved back onto the table and he’s pistoning fast and harshly into you.

His hand harshly meets you burning skin again and you squeak in response. His voice is rough as he puts all his strength into fucking you deep and he commands to no one in particular, “someone get it for me.”

His words mean nothing as the way he pulls against you starts pushing to the edge of your orgasm. You can only gasp and claw at the table when one of his friends leans closer and taps at your spine right between your shoulder blades and whatever he holds against you begins to cut into your skin.

Once his friend is moved away, he suddenly pulls out making you clench harshly and whine. You feel the trickle of blood that travels down your skin, but the sting of his warm tongue collecting the dripping red and digging into the new wound on your back. The sting is almost unbearable and makes you squirm against him, but the pain is muffled when he reaches down and begins to roll tight circles onto your neglected clit.

His fingers are unrelenting as he rushes you to your finish. The pleasure between your thighs mixing with the sharp pain against your back makes your vision begin to go fuzzy. You can only somewhat register the boyish laughs of excitement that surround you as you finally start to come.

It feels like there’s a monster inside you that claws at you nerves. Every inch of your body set on fire is so distracting, you can only yell into the air when he moves to push back into you. He thrusts only a few times before he stills against you, the warmth of him filling you making your overstimulated nerves scream.

You can only lie there as he starts to fix your clothes, harsh demands of ‘the show is over, go away’ begin thrown over his shoulder as he drags you away and back to the bar.

You sleepily lean against him as he nods at the stoic man handing out drinks. He brings you a glass of water, that Johnny presses against your chapped lips.

“You can come relax behind the booth while I work once you finish the glass,” he reassures as he pets at your damp skin, “the boys are a lot nicer than what you just witnessed I swear.”

You’re too dopey to truly register what he says as you only nod in response before babbling, “so you’re my person?”

The laugh he lets out is soft, a lot sweeter and warming that any he’d offered before, “yeah I’m your person, and you’re wild ass is mine.”

#nct smut #johnny smut #nct #johnny #nct imagines #johnny imagines #nct oneshot #johnny oneshot #johnny suh #club x

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mx-barnes · 3 years

Text

A Chance

Bucky x Reader S.A.O.L

Summary: Maybe not everyone is cut out for love. You have had a pretty shitty life. First, you are “gifted” to Hydra by the asshole you had been calling mom and dad for nearly 12 years. Then you get turned into one deadly assassin which put Steve Rogers newly made captain of the Howling Commando’s on your trail and when he finally finds you his government then put you on ice for 70 years plus. After that, you have a stint with Tony Stark the genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist which leaves you heartbroken and unwilling to try love again until you bump into Bucky Barnes. Will you be able to let him in or will you try and stop this too?

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: talk of hospitalization, unhealthy coping mechanism, insecure!Bucky, talk of reader being broken, talk of reader sabotaging relationships, talk of reader and Tony dating, talk of gender struggle, heartbroken Steve, Tony being a peice of absoulute trash, reade being made to feel worthless, swearing, talk of suicide attempt, Tony trying to guilttrip/coerce reader back into a relationship with him, talk of sex, Steve pining over reader when they were in a relationship with Tony, talk of readers past kind of.

A/n: Ok so that was a lot more warning than normal but thats ok. A lot happens. This part switches between Buckty and Steve;s prespectives. I am loving this series, I am still debating in making another series after this that follows after because of the minimal response to this one. Let me know of you wanted another one.

Masterlist Series Masterlist

Previously on S.A.O.L

"Steve, I heard Y/n was in the medbay what happened?"

After he got the call saying he should come to the tower because you were in the medbay all he could think was what happened. You weren't on any mission recently at least none that Bucky knew of. As far as he knew you were grounded. You were told that you couldn't participate in any missions whatsoever.

He felt bad. He knew that the team was one unhealthy way you used to cope. Throwing yourself into teamwork and just working and not worrying about yourself. Bucky had learned this all for when you speak to him. When you would call him at night and fall asleep on the phone. That was one reason he upgraded his phone to the one he had now so he could stay up all night talking with you and when you inevitably fell asleep he could listen to your breathing. Maybe it was stalker-like but he did it so he knew you were ok.

"Buck they are fine mainly. It's not my story to tell you how they got there but they are going to be just fine," Steve spoke calmly. Bucky didn't understand how he could be so calm about this you were in that bed alone probably thinking Bucky doesn't care about you when he does. He cares so much.

"Hey, Steve. Did they say anything about me? I know I went to see them when they were in the training room and I don't know I keep replaying the last conversation I had with them."

"Bucky. Listen man they're damaged. Now I am not saying that's a bad thing it is just that they tend to sabotage most of their relationships," Steve tells him honestly. Nothing had been the same since Tony broke up with you and if Steve was being honest with you he had been worried. He cared for you a lot and that is why he was explaining things to this to Bucky because although you really should be telling Bucky all this he knew that you weren't going to explain it all to Bucky so Steve figured it would be a long time before you actually opened up about your feelings which wasn't going to sit with Steve. "Buck they dated Tony. They broke up a while ago and all I know but they also are from the 40s Buck. They struggled with their gender for a long time. They didn't fit in especially in the 40s. You got to talk to them, Buck. I know it may seem hopeless but you got to try."

Bucky nodded, "I'll try because I really like them. They are sweet and just all-around a good person," Steve's heart cracked a bit. He was glad you were finally going to be happy but he was sad that it wasn't going to be with him but that didn't matter because you liked Bucky and he didn't want to ruin his and yours, and his and Bucky's friendship over some feelings.

<-->

Bucky did just as Steve suggested. He was going to try to understand you and keep pushing. Before he had no guidance or even confirmation that you liked him. Maybe the fact that you agreed to the date but in his mind, he was seen as a pity date. Steve had confirmed it though. You had confessed that you liked him but you just didn't want to get hurt once again much like how Tony hurt you before. Bucky promised himself that he wouldn't hurt you. The light in your eye the first time he met you was a good enough reason for him along with the fact that he couldn't imagine hurting you.

<-->

Steve was trying to find the courage to walk back into the room you were in. You had made him promise that only he and medical personal were allowed in where you were but he knew Bucky needed to see you. Bucky needed to see with his own eyes that you were okay and it was not too late to help you. He needed to be reassured that he hadn't pushed you away.

When Steve entered the room Tony was already there. It looked as if Tony was degrading you, making you feel worthless. That's when Steve brain finally registered the words that Tony was saying, "C'mon Y/n you just tried to kill yourself yet again. I'll help you out of this like I did last time you and I had some fun times last time I helped you. C'mon I'll help you in every way possible," too many it may seem innocent but Steve knew the meaning behind the words and his face hardened. His vision turned slightly red.

"Tony, you fucking bastard!" Tony whipped around quickly facing Steve. He looked caught till he schooled his expression back to neutral. His smirk was evident. "Do not speak to Y/n that way. They don't need your fucking help. They are not an object. You don't need to think that they can be helped by just sex-"

"Mind-blowing sex," Tony piped up.

If looks could kill, Tony would be six feet underground with worms and maggots eating away at his worthless body. Growling he spoke "Not the point. Get the fuck out of here and don't come back."

Tony walked up to Steve getting in his face, "You're just pissed I got to tap that and you didn't. Don't think I didn't see the way you would look at them when they were mine, Rogers. They will never be yours now if anyone should leave it should be you," Tony spat.

That's when you spoke up, "No Tony I think you should leave."

Tony twisted so quickly Steve wondered how he still stood straight. "Whatever do you mean."

"You know what they mean. They don't want you in here they don't want you back. You need to leave right now or else. So listen, I don't care if you want to try to get back with them leave them the fuck alone.

"Whatever they aren't fucking worth it anyways," Tony stalks off.

"Steve you didn't have to do that," your voice hoarse from disuse over the past couple of hours.

"Yes, I did. I said it would only be me and the most essential staff and I couldn't even manage that. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it, Steve. We will find a way to work this out."

"Listen about things working out. I think you should give Buck a shot. I know you kind of just got out of a long-term relationship but you were willing to date him before he joined the team. I can promise you he is nothing like-"

"Don't say his name," you practically growled.

"Ok sorry but you know who I'm talking about and Bucky isn't like that. So please try and find the peace to give him a chance. Please," Steve pleaded he even gave you puppy dog eyes (or the best he could manage) to go along with it.

"I'll think about it. This would be a big step for me. Besides you heard what Tony said I'm not worth it," your thoughts talking over your rational reasoning for a split second.

"No that's not true Y/n you are worth more than the most beautiful diamond on earth. You are worth more than the stars in the sky. You are worth more than all the more in the world. Because you may have a sordid and terrible past you have changed you have made a difference in this world and that paired with the fact that you are just a kind-hearted and tender soul you are everything. You are worth more than anything anyone could own. You deserve to be happy and if Bucky can give that to you give him a chance please," tears filled your eyes. All you've been able to think about for the last couple of days in the infirmary is how short life is and maybe you should start living your life.

"Ok."

It's okay to restart and recreate. Don't spend time beating yourself up over something that went wrong. There's always another chance. -Anonymous

#bucky barnes fluff #bucky fanfic #bucky fic #bucky fluff #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky x y/n #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky x you #Bucky #S.A.O.L

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sevlgi · 4 years

Text

I need u

requested: yes

group: blackpink

pairing: rosé x fem!reader

genre: angst

contents: pyromaniac!reader, based on bts hyyh universe. [26/33]

warnings: fire, mental health issues, mentions of abuse, death, mild violence, suicide attempt

synopsis: Rosé would be nothing without your fire, but what happens when she’s the one who has to rescue you from it?

a/n: DISCLAIMER BEFORE YOU READ: this is not meant to portray a healthy relationship in any way. this is based off of a music video, the HYYH series to be exact, and is not meant to reflect how I think rosé would act. PLEASE READ THE TRIGGER WARNING

word count: 1.7k

Before she met you, Chaeyoung didn’t think she was missing anything.

Sure, she knew that it wasn’t exactly normal to be so indifferent about everything, to not feel an ounce of passion for a single thing in her life.

As soon as you first blazed into her life, though, it all became so much clearer. There was so much fire behind your eyes, the intensity of your feelings fueling you in an incredible explosion that was too close to burning you up for comfort. Where she was calm and level-headed, you were impulsive, the fervor you felt for your dreams the direct opposite of her slow pace.

And suddenly, she felt things that she had never had before. Chaeyoung finally experienced the butterflies she read about, something that might even be called love.

Either way, she was fascinated by everything about you. Your fires and your storms, your passions and your anger, everything that formed the blazing light that illuminated her darkness.

She needed you-- Chaeyoung knew that she was nothing without you. Without your fire, she was just a trickling stream, cool and silent in a way that no one would miss.

But slowly, that intensity to you began to scare her. The sheer passion you held burned you up from the inside out, too much fuel and not enough time or room to contain it. The calluses on your hands from playing piano in the middle of the night became the imprint of a lighter’s ridge, the excitement you felt at mastering a new piece becoming fury at the world around you.

You didn’t seem to love anymore, only hate. And that meant you didn’t love her anymore, which was what scared Chaeyoung the most.

Because she needed you, and you were burning up like the last sparks of a bonfire in the last night of summer.

“Does it hurt?”

Shrugging to hide her wince when you touched the bruise on her cheek, Chaeyoung assured you,��“It doesn’t. Promise.”

It did nothing to quell the anger furrowing your brow, but you sighed and turned back to the cloudy gray sky, legs swinging over the side of the trailer. Below the two of you, the sounds of your friends playing echoed, scaring away the crows perched opposite you. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? What for?” the lavender-haired girl asked, her hand cold compared to your warm one. “It’s not your fault.”

“It might not be,” you agreed, reaching over to brush some hair out of Chaeyoung’s eyes. Somehow, you were unaware of the effect you had on her. “But I still hate it. There’s just so much wrong with the world around us.”

Chaeyoung huffed out a breath through her nose, crossing her legs. “Don’t say that, Y/N. Aren’t you always the one telling me to see the brightness of things?”

Frowning, you got the lighter out of your pocket again, your thumb rolling over the ridge mindlessly. “Yeah. But I was wrong whenever I told you that, Rosie. You can’t believe that. Just look at your face- strangers did that to you, just for bumping into them.”

“It’s not their fault,” she tried, watching as the hem of your jacket was nearly singed. “They were angry. You’re angry, too, don’t try to tell me you wouldn’t hit someone if you were mad enough.”

You looked over to her disbelievingly. “I wouldn’t. God, Chaeyoung, who do you think I am? I wouldn’t hit someone, never mind you, not unless they hit me first.”

“Good.”

After some silence between the two of you, you began flicking at the lighter again, the clicks louder than they should’ve been almost a story above the ground. “We should leave someday.”

“Leave?” Chaeyoung cocked her head at you, tapping a stray rock she found on the blue-painted metal of the trailer’s roof. “What, all of us? To where, Y/N? Where would we go that would accept us?”

Sprawling out on the roof, despite all the dead leaves and dirt surrounding you, you watched the clouds go by and sighed. “I don’t know. All I know is that none of us can stay here, jagiyah. Seoul, maybe, or somewhere else in the world. Your English is good, we can survive.”

She let out a breathless laugh, scooting back so that you could lay your head on her thigh. Plucking the lighter out of your hand, she blew the fire out and tossed it aside. “Maybe. Would we go to America?”

“Where do you want to go?” You squinted up at her, the sky reflected in your eyes. “I’ll go anywhere you and the others want to.”

“What about Australia?” Chaeyoung giggled. “I’ve always liked their accents.”

“Australia, then,” you agreed, smiling up at her. It was moments like this that she would forever treasure, just talking about the possibilities of the future with you. No matter how hopeless it was, you had each other to brave through all of it, and it was enough to make her want to keep going.

Jennie appeared from below the trailer, her hands steady on the railing leading up. “What about Australia?” she grinned, Lisa hitting her from behind to make her go faster. “Yah, Lisa!”

“Y/N, stop it!”

Chaeyoung grasped futilely at you as you shattered a glass bottle on the concrete stairs leading up to your bedroom, screaming out as the spray of leftover alcohol hit you. With a shove, all the empty bottles on top of your dresser smashed to the floor, your unhealthy coping methods creating an even larger mess to have to clean up.

She rushed at you, arms wrapping around you in an attempt to stop you from doing anything else you’d regret. You only laughed and swayed, your girlfriend’s hands digging harder into your back. “Let go, Rosie.”

“No, not until you stop,” she panted, feeling her eyes sting as she squeezed. “Please-”

Once you found that your struggling was futile, your hands shot out, pushing at Chaeyoung’s stomach hard enough to slam her into the wall away from you. She gasped, even though it didn’t really hurt, sliding to the floor as you stumbled away. “Told you to let me go,” you snapped, stumbling over your own two feet as you backed away.

Desperation hit her, desperation to bring you out of your alcohol-induced fit, and she lunged forward, her hand bracing on your chest before her fist connected with your face.

There wasn’t much power behind the hit, but under the influence, you collapsed onto the stairs next to the remaining shards of glass, coughing out as you felt blood on the corner of your mouth. Chaeyoung hauled you up, her hands fisting in your shirt as she begged, “Come back, Y/N. Please, I need you.”

“You need me?” Once again, the sheer fury in your eyes was scaring her, seeming somehow cold in all its blazing glory. “Yeah, well, you’ll have to live without me. I’m gone, Chaeyoung, I’m leaving. I’m leaving this-- this shitty town, and you’re coming with me.”

The lavender-haired girl practically sobbed out, “I’m not! I’m still in school, Y/N, I can’t go without you. Don’t do this to me, please.”

Instead of a response, you twisted hard, flinging Chaeyoung onto the couch by the stairs and walking off. “Y/N! Jagiyah, don’t-”

The door slammed behind you, and she could only stare up at the ceiling to push down the boiling tears welling behind her eyes.

Where did it all go so wrong?

The lighter was warm from how long you had held it, an imprint of the switch seemingly permanent in the side of your thumb.

Your initials and your girlfriend’s were scratched in the cheap plastic; every time you bought a new one, you did the same thing. Recently, you’d started using the dull knives you could find in motels and other places.

After the day you threatened to leave, you were evicted. That made it easier than it ever had been to just up and leave, the only possessions you owned being the flannel Chaeyoung lent you and the clothes on your back, but for some reason, you stayed.

She had just graduated the night before, and you had asked her to finally go with you. Even Lisa was ready to leave, and all it took was Chaeyoung coming to your motel room.

Glancing over at the clock, you sighed, realizing that it was 4 hours past when she said she’d arrive. The plan was to pick her up, then go to Jisoo’s, where you could steal her brother’s car and leave, but that didn’t seem to be in the cards any longer.

Hauling yourself up, you seized the open tub of kerosene, splashing it all over the room. It soaked the sheets, the rugs, until your bare feet were wet with the liquid where you stood. Alcohol, anything that could be burned- you poured it all over the room and yourself, staring at the blank screen of your phone. I’m so sorry, Chaeyoung.

The lighter thudded to the floor and orange light lit up the room.

“Shit,” the girl gasped when she saw the smoke billowing out the window of what she knew to be your hotel room. Her bags were dropped to the floor as she pulled out her phone and charged for the motel, banging the door open faster than she needed to.

“Excuse me, young- hey!”

Chaeyoung ignored the receptionist yelling at her, turning the corner onto the stairs as she called the fire department. “H-hi, there’s a fire. Yes, in the motel on the corner of Main, please get here as fast as you can!”

She kicked your door open, gasping when she found you lying on the bed amidst the flames. Covering her face with the sleeve of her jacket, she rushed in, shaking you. “Y/N, get up. Y/N!”

The lighter, she realized, was on the floor. That couldn’t have been a mistake- you never let it out of your sight.

Either way, she looped her arms underneath yours, struggling to pull you out without touching any of the flames. “Come on, Y/N,” she groaned, hissing when she stepped right by the fire.

“I need you.”

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animeyanderelover · 3 years

Note

What's about Kurapika with a Darling who is a member of the Genei Ryodan, but she is a original member that torture and kill the Kurta clan

...No words...

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, paranoia, kidnapping, harsh behavior, abusive behavior, controlling behavior, manipulation, sabotage, mind-breaking

s/o is from the Genei Ryodan

⛓That is quite literally a very toxic relationship to have considering that you killed and tortured his own clan, people he loved more than anything else. It makes Kurapika feeling beyond conflicted and it twists his feelings in a not good way. He finds himself constantly torn apart between hate and love for his darling which affects his mentality and the way he is treating his darling greatly. There are times where he tries to treat her nicely and like a real lover, but there are also moments where he grows incredibly bitter and almost hateful, making him act much more colder and harsh with her.

⛓One thing to start with is that he would have to either have to meet her before knowing who she is and maybe also before she knew who he is, meaning it happened before the York New auction, or he would capture her somewhat afterwards and keep her for some reasons alive, to get on informations for example. In either case it has to be said if his darling would just be a cold and heartless killer, he would kill her without a doubt, he hates the Phantom Troupe too much for that. So he has to see something more to her, that she has a heart and is kind, perhaps even apologizes for what she has done to him and his clan. That is of course no good, it doesn't bring him his people back. But it might show him over time that she is not a complete monster.

⛓Kurapika is...extremely irritated when discovering his feelings and it will end up being a bit of hell for his darling as well. That is if he would meet her for the first time during the Yorknew City arc and try to get on informations from her. In Kurapika's eyes every single member of the Phantom Troupe is evil, all are criminals and even if his view on you should change over time, he still tells himself that you're a villain who happens to carry a bit more humanity inside of you. But that's all and you still killed too many. It is one of those very few times where Kurapika refuses to admit his feelings and it leads him to lashing out on you, not understanding his feelings. Why? You are the person he trained to kill and hate his whole life. So why do you make him weak?

⛓It happens slowly, but at one point he will somewhat stop and his feelings will become more visible and more obvious for him as well as maybe you. He stops hurting you, though you might have a pretty high pain tolerance, not being able to inflict damage on you anymore and he can't bring himself to use his Judgement chain on you either, knowing that you will break the conditions he made for you which ends with you dying in the end, loyal to your members and your leader. Because personally think that if he would have used it on his darling from the start, she would have rather died than tell him anything, especially after he killed Uvogin and Pakunoda.

⛓That's why I feel that the whole meeting her before knowing who she is, is more likely, though even there I see troubles. To start with Kurapika will tell his darling at one point who he is and what his plans are, alarming her already which might lead to her distancing herself from him due to feeling not worthy of being friends with someone who she killed the whole family from without him knowing. What else would someone feel in such a situation? It might confuse Kurapika, especially if he already liked her a bit and saw her as a friend.

⛓And after finding out that she is from the Genei Ryodan, Kurapika is a pure mess of emotions and the thought of just having been friends with a criminal this whole time messes badly with his mind. Still though, he just can't bring himself to hurt her, especially not if she hesitates as well when facing him, not wanting to hurt himself either. Of course she would sacrifice her own life for Chrollo and the troupe, but as I said, Kurapika won' fall for someone plainly motionless and cruel, especially if this person killed everyone in his clan. So there might be a chance that all of this has a hard toll on the darling as well which leads her to just realizing that she can't bring herself to kill him nor be a help hor the troupe either. It might bring her to the point of despair where she might just ask him to kill her, not being able to live like this any longer.

⛓It makes Kurapika stop in his tracks, seeing it on the one hand as a chance to kill another member of the troupe, to slaughter all of them. But as soon as he tries to strike down, he just freezes, body shaking and emotions stirring up to the extent inside of him where he feels like throwing up at any moment.

⛓Instead of killing you, he kidnaps you, knocking you out and taking you with him, keeping you chained up as often as possible and also making sure that you stay unconscious as often as possible so you don't put up too much of a fight. Kurapika just doesn't know what to do with you at this point, he can't kill you nor can he let you go. So instead he takes you with him, imprisoning you somewhere whilst deciding afterwards what will happen with you. And even in here the first few weeks or even months will be hell. He has his outbursts, lashing verbally as well as maybe even physically out on you when being triggered too much.

⛓Kurapika feels more than anything just extremely betrayed from you, a person he thought he could trust which is why he grows extremely paranoid and doesn't want to let you out of his side, terrified you will do something and try to attack him. This is the reason why he might actually really just search for a way to get rid of your nen abilities, though he also knows that this would make you utterly helpless if you are being attacked by someone. He debates over this topic days and nights and if you really end up trying to escape and attacking him with your abilities, he'll do it.

⛓He is just desperate to find an excuse to why you are the way you are, stealing and killing, without having to see you as a bad person anymore. He wants to believe in something which might push him to the point of becoming partly delusional due to not bearing this knowledge whilst being aware. He might come up with this certain mood swings where he manages to convince himself that his darling was being forced to do all of this and that she's just being manipulated from all the othe members of the Phantom Troupe.

⛓Which is why Kurapika totally ends up wanting to break his darling's mind the one or another way, though he sees it more as helping her. Kurapika feels convinced that he only wants the best for his darling and wants to help her leaving the terrible past behind her, starting a new and better life which he wants to assist her with. And he becomes extremely pushy with it as well, desperate to make her switch sides and believe what he believes. Kurapika becomes an incredibly controlling, strict and manipulative person, constantly pushing his darling's buttons and forcing her to endure all of this. And if he knows that she feels guilty about what she has done, he will mercilessly strike and tell her in detail how he felt after his clan died and what she did to them, letting her recall those moments again. Kurapika becomes cruel, not necessarily physically, but more mentally since he tortures his darling. And whilst he does feel guilty when he manages to constantly break her, he never completely loses the grudge and bitterness he holds against her. He just justifies his behavior with saying that this is the only way to help you out of all of this.

⛓And even if you do start to love him and bend to his will, Kurapika will never truly trust you, his paranoia constantly telling him that all of this might just be an act and you will escape as soon as he trusts you and leaves you free space which is exactly why he is so controlling to start with. Next to that he is beyond horrified what might happen if the Phantom Troupe comes after you and either lures you back or ends up killing you because Kurapika also used the chance to squeeze as much informantions out of you as he could about them. Of course he does grow softer over time, but it is just visible that he'll never be able to calm completely down or treat his darling completely normally. He doesn't treat her bad, but when he has his times where he gets haunted from the death of his clan, his darling is not the best person to turn to since seeing her triggers extremely bad memories which is the reason why Kurapika sometimes just has to distance himself from her, literally not being able to stand the sight of her. It is in all honesty a relationship akin to bittersweet and deathly poison if you get what I mean.

#yandere hunter x hunter #yandere hxh #yandere kurapika #yandere kurapika kurta

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starry-sky-stuff · 3 years

Text

Sorting the Grisha Trilogy

For this sorting I’ll be using the superb sorting system created by @sortinghatchats. A brief breakdown, there are Primaries, the why, and Secondaries, the how. For a more in depth explanation check out @sortinghatchats or @wisteria-lodge. Here’s a link to a great and succinct explanation.

Disclaimer: Spoiler warnings apply both for the Grisha Trilogy, the Six of Crows Duology and the Nikolai Duology.

This turned into a very long post so I cut for length.

Alina Starkov has a very loud Lion Secondary that she increasingly grows into as the series progresses. Alina has literally no chill ever, about anything. She’s always ready to throw down. In Siege & Storm, she’s quite ready to tear the Crown Prince a new one for his suggestion that they lower the draft age. All the while Nikolai watches in exasperation because they very much need to keep the generals and royals on side. But Alina can never be anything other than what she is. he is genuinely disturbed by Nikolai’s ability to switch personas because it is so antithetical to her entire personality. Alina is the same kind of Lion Secondary that Katniss Everdeen from the Hunger Games is — someone who inspires an army and is ultimately used as a symbol and martyr by others for their own gains.

For her Primary I would also say Lion. Alina has very firm beliefs and they all come from within. She’s also got that lone wolf outlook that Lion Primary’s often struggle with. Repeatedly, she pushes people away and is intent on doing things alone. There’s also elements of the unhealthy Glory Hound Lion Primary, in that, as much as Alina is motivated by doing good, she’s also motivated by gaining power. Greed and power are such integral parts of her storyline. A Snake would claim they were gaining power to protect their loved ones, a Badger just people in general or maybe Ravka as a whole. But Alina gains power so she can defeat the Darkling and save the world. When she kills Mal, as much as it is to save the world, a part of it is also to gain power, for which she pays a price by losing said power. The very core issue in her relationship with Mal is the conflict between a Loyalist and an Idealist. For Mal, his main priority is Alina. For Alina, her priority is defeating the Darkling.

Loyal and dutiful Mal Oretsev is an incredibly obvious Snake Primary. His entire motivation is centred on Alina. Everything he does is for her. He volunteers to hunt the stag for her, he deserts the army for her, he stays in the capital to protect her even though he hates it. “You’re my flag, you’re my nation” is a very Snake flavoured declaration of love. Mal is not in this fight because he wants to save Ravka or defeat the Darkling. He was completely okay with him and Alina escaping to Novyi Zem at the end of the first book and leaving Ravka to its fate. He commits to the fight when Alina does, and her cause becomes his cause.

For his secondary, charming, likeable, Mal is a Badger. One of the first things we learn about Mal is that he can fit in anywhere and has no trouble making friends. Although he has a bit of a Lion Secondary Performance, at his core his a team player. He enjoyed the army because it was a community, and he’s at his lowest in the second book because he has no friends and no community. Part of why he’s much healthier in the last book is that he has a community again and a position within that community. In the White Chapel he can train and teach, and once they leave he has his own little team again. He falls into the leader role in the last book, not because he inspires loyalty the way Lion Secondary Alina does, but because he caretakes and looks after people. When they’re underground, and he constantly goes back to check on everybody and talk to them to make sure they keep up, that’s a Badger Secondary looking after his community. It’s probably not at all surprising that Mal has what @the-phoenix-heart has dubbed the love interest sorting. His priority is Alina, and he shows his love by following her and joining her quest, and in the end, sacrificing himself for her. Mal wasn’t going to die to save Ravka. He was sacrificing himself to save Alina.

Nikolai Lantsov, whose entire motivation in the original trilogy is to gain the throne of Ravka to save Ravka, strikes me as more of a Loyalist than an Idealist. Either he’s a Badger whose community is Ravka, or a Snake who just has a very wide circle. Considering there’s no evidence of him dehumanising people, I would lean towards Snake. We later learn that part of why he wants to fix Ravka is a promise he made to a childhood friend who died in his arms, which strikes me as a very Snake motivation. An Idealist would be more motivated by the cause of helping Ravka, and a Badger would focus on Ravkans being in need of good leadership. I think much of his character arc in Nikolai Duology makes sense through the lens of a Snake Primary moving his priorities, as Ravka as a whole becomes less important and Zoya becomes more important. His primary was very difficult for me to accurately gauge because I think he actively hides it behind his secondary performance. Once we’re in his head, his motivations are very focused on the individuals he cares about. I think he and Zoya also bond over this Snake Primary that was let down by their parents and so transferred their loyalty onto Ravka as a whole.

Initially, I thought he had a Snake Secondary. After all, Alina’s description of him being similar to a Matryoshka doll, always putting on different personas, is quintessential Snake Secondary. But when you actually look at how Nikolai solves problems, it isn’t with his charm or guile. Yes, he saves Alina by pretending to be Sturmhond, but they get into Ravka because he came up with a flying ship. In the last book, he saves the group because he just happened to have a secret military base he’d developed for a rainy day. In the Nikolai Duology, he literally came up with a plan for someone else to masquerade as him just in case he ever went missing. He solves his problems by pulling out some old tool or plan he’d previously developed on the off chance he’d need it. Total Bird Secondary. Now, Nikolai has a very good Snake Secondary model. It was something he developed in children to deal with his emotionally neglectful parents, by becoming whatever he had to be to get attention. But at his core, he’s an inventor, it’s what he enjoys doing, it’s what he does for fun, and it’s how he solves his problems.

The Darkling, who views ozatskaya and even other Grisha as beneath him is a Dark Badger Primary. To the Darkling, only the Grisha are human, and even then he still thinks of him and Alina as above other Grisha. When parts of the Second Army turn on him he dehumanises them in turn. There’s an argument for an unhealthy Lion Primary, who believes wholeheartedly that all the terrible things he does are justified and he’s the only one who can save Ravka. But building the Second Army and Little Palace as a place the Grisha could belong seems to me like a Badger Primary looking to build his community. It’s also explains why he can kill all these people and feel no guilt whatsoever because to him they’re not really people. In the Rule of Wolves he even explicitly says that he whilst he values human life in general he does not value human lives specifically.

The building of the Second Army is proof of his Badger Secondary. A skilled manipulator, he nevertheless uses genuine emotion and pieces of himself in the manipulation that I don’t think a Snake Secondary would find necessary. If you believe he did develop genuine feelings for Alina, then that would probably be a Badger Secondary who fell for his own performance. A Snake Secondary would probably have pretended to want a relationship with Alina without developing any feelings. His primary and secondary work together to explain why he was so affected by the Grisha turning against him. That’s his community, the community he built up from the ground, and when they turn on him he punishes them for their perceived disloyalty.

Zoya Nazyalensky is a Snake Primary whose circle includes the Second Army and eventually the whole of Ravka. There’s an argument that she’s a Badger Primary who might’ve been a little burned, and she does treat ozatskaya as lesser than Grisha, but I don’t see the evidence of dehumanisation. Her reason for turning against the Darkling is that he killed her aunt, her only family and to her mind the only person who loved her. A Badger Primary might’ve been more motivated by him massacring Novokribirsk as opposed to a particular loss. Also, her feelings of failure are specific to her feeling that she failed her people — failing to stop the Darkling from killing her aunt, failing to protect the Second Army, failing to stop Nina from being captured. Throughout the original trilogy she’s burned. She’s lost her only person and so latches on to what is hers — the Second Army, Ravka, the Little Palace. She protects these things because they’re hers not because of any ideal. In the Nikolai Duology she unburns and opens herself up to admitting more people to her circle (or admitting that they’re actually in her circle and she does care about them).

Zoya’s secondary was harder for me to pick. She’s definitely an improvisational secondary. We never see her making plans or being worried about being prepared, she just goes into dangerous situations and things work out for her. Snake Secondary in neutral state is possible. For the most part, she’s not particularly chargey for most of the original trilogy and could be a Snake that just doesn’t care. But she treats Nikolai’s Snake Secondary Model with awe and is, I think, too genuinely impressed by it to be a Snake Secondary herself. Lion Secondary makes more sense given that she’s a natural leader who inspires others more than makes herself likeable. The ending of Rule of Wolves also makes me lean towards Lion, since it’s her running headfirst to save Nina without any plan of attack and she doesn’t try to work her away around the situation like a Snake. She just runs straight into danger.

Genya Safin, who wants nothing more than to belong, is a Badger Primary searching for a community. It’s why she stays loyal to the Darkling even after he destroys Novokribirsk, because he gave her a community and sense of belonging, and she believes these things are reliant on her loyalty and service to him. For her secondary, probably Badger too. Like the Darkling, she falls into the trap of believing her own manipulations and actually becomes friends with Alina. Also, the fact she spent years working on her tailoring skills seems like a Badger to me.

David Kostyck, the quintessential inventor, has a glaring Bird Secondary. He’s the one who comes up with inventions, like the discs and the portable light, and is more comfortable in his lab than in the field. As for his primary, I think he might also be a Bird. He’s not a loyalist. If he was a Snake Primary then he probably wouldn’t have turned on the Darkling after Novokribirsk because Genya was still with him. He could be a Badger Primary who turned because of the massacre. But I think he’s a Bird Primary. He desires knowledge, not for the sake of power but purely because he wants to understand things. He strikes me as having a very decided morality. Merzost is bad because that’s a core Grisha teaching that he has adopted in his own system.

Tolya and Tamar are harder to sort because they get less screen time. Tolya’s probably double Lion, considering his concern with being honourable and his qualms with morally dubious actions. Also, his faith seems to me to be very felt and that is more Lion Primary. Considering his main role is as the muscle, definitely Lion Secondary. Tamar, who is totally okay with the morally dubious actions her brother abhors and, as of the Nikolai Duology, is in charge of spying is probably a Snake Secondary. Her motivations are less clear. Could be that she’s a Snake Primary who based her loyalties first of Alina then on Nikolai. She seems to be more attached to individuals than to any cause or country.

In summary:

Alina: Lion Primary/Lion Secondary

Mal: Snake Primary/Badger Secondary, Lion Secondary Performance

Nikolai: Snake Primary/Bird Secondary, Snake Secondary Model

The Darkling: Badger Primary/Badger Secondary, Snake Secondary Model

Zoya: Snake Primary/Lion Secondary

Genya: Badger Primary/Badger Secondary

David: Bird Primary/Bird Secondary

Tolya: Lion Secondary/Lion Secondary

Tamar: Snake Primary/Snake Secondary

#sortinghatchats #sorting hat chats #character sorting #tgt #the grisha trilogy #shadow and bone #siege and storm #ruin and rising #alina starkov #mal oretsev #nikolai lantsov #the darkling #zoya nazyalensky #genya safin #david kostyk #tolya yul bataar #tamar yul bataar

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starknakedsluts · 4 years

Text

Late Night Fucks

bucktony, eventual stuckony. E. warnings: consensual somnophilia, one instance of non-consensual somnophilia, dubcon.

For @marvelpolyshipbingo, Square N1: “Surprise!”

Explaining the Dubious Consent tag real quick: Bucky fucks Tony while Tony's asleep without acquiring his explicit consent. Tony finds out the day after, but never confronts him, nor does he stop him when Bucky comes back again and again. Tony wholeheartedly wants this, and Bucky takes his lack of action as consent.

Tony wakes when the bed dips behind him, making him shiver in terrified anticipation. He doesn’t stir this early often; most times it’s somewhere in the middle—fingers inside him, cock pounding him into the mattress. Sometimes it’s closer to the end, Bucky grunting low in his ear as he cums, cum they both pretend isn’t dripping out of him at breakfast.

But nights like these are Tony’s favourite. When Bucky gets back from a mission and uses Tony to, uhm, relax—work out any lingering stress.

They’re the nights when Tony finds out just how much Bucky likes to tease; finger him open achingly slow, work his cock over with featherlight touches that never go anywhere, but get him so turned on it only takes a few thrusts of his hips against silk sheets after Bucky leaves for him to cum so hard he’s seeing stars.

But they’re also the nights that make it the hardest to pretend that Tony has no idea what’s happening.

The first night, Tony hadn’t woken at all. He’d only felt the cum leaking out of his hole when he’d woken in the morning, dead to the world after a three day engineering binge. He’d been horrified, immediately asking JARVIS to pull up the footage. But instead of fury, he’d been surprised by a heady wave of arousal as he watched Bucky rut against him like an animal, taking the pleasure he wanted from Tony’s prone, pliant body as if he owned it. He’d gotten hard so quickly he’d gotten dizzy, only a few short strokes of his hand tight around his aching length before he came spilling over his fist, watching Bucky dump his load into Tony’s ass as if he was nothing more than a fleshlight.

It was the hottest sexual experience of his life—and he hadn’t even been awake for it.

Tony kept waiting for him to bring it up the next day, or in the coming weeks. But Bucky never said anything, so Tony, for once in his life, managed to keep his trap shut too. They laughed and joked like that night never happened, and Tony never once caught any appreciative looks or heated stares.

Then Bucky shipped out on a mission, and a week later Tony woke to Bucky’s cock working its way into his ass, Bucky’s low, desperate groan as he bottomed out nearly enough to send Tony over the edge. But the soldier never gave any indication that he knew Tony was awake, so Tony focused on keeping his breathing even and stifling any noises, not wanting to scare the other man away from what was fast becoming the hottest, filthiest fuck of his life.

It wasn’t hard to put together a pattern after that, and Tony found himself looking forward to when Bucky would leave for missions, eagerly anticipating his return.

Bucky had been gone for a while this time around, a joint mission with Steve that had taken upwards of three weeks. When they’d called him the other day to let him know they’d be back, Tony had decided to surprise Bucky, something special after being away for so long.

If he took a step back he’d probably realize how fucking unhealthy it was to let this continue, instead of sitting down and talking it out like adults, but Tony rarely ever did something that was considered healthy by most standards.

The sensation of cool air against his heated skin nearly makes him whimper in relief, but he bites down on his lower lip, familiar with how important it is that he stay quiet.

Bucky’s not interested in wasting any time tonight, apparently, two large hands gripping his ass, framing the cheeks as thumbs dip into his crack, spreading him open. Tony shivers in delight as a heated moan breaks through the quiet in the room. He can practically feel the weight of Bucky’s stare as it evaluates the plug stuffed snug in Tony’s ass.

One of Bucky’s hands slips off a cheek, drifting around to Tony’s front. He’s familiar with the motion—Bucky likes to see how hard he is sometimes, work him up if he’s completely soft, or pet and stroke at him if he’s half-hard, as if he’s in the throes of a wet dream. The growl rumbling through Bucky’s chest is sub-vocal and outrageously erotic when he finds Tony’s half-soft cock covered in cum from when Tony had gotten off working that plug into himself and hadn’t bothered cleaning up afterwards.

Tony expects him to just have at it, pull the plug out and push his cock in, but Bucky only pushes at the end of the plug, nudging it deeper, pressing it up against his prostate, sending sparks of lightning up his spine. He repeats the motion over and over again, until Tony can feel himself hardening, desperation hot under his skin, dripping over Bucky’s knuckles where they’re brushing along the underside of his cock.

“Randy today,” Bucky muses to himself, and Tony can feel the blush rising to his cheeks, embarrassed.

Tony wants to push his ass back, wiggle in invitation, grind against Bucky’s cock, but he forces himself to stay still, keep his breathing even. He almost cries out in relief when Bucky pulls the plug out an inch at a time, slow tugs that pull at his rim until it pops out, and a gush of lube follows.

Bucky doesn’t waste any time, and Tony hears the faint sound of a zipper sliding before Bucky’s length presses against him, hard and so hot it marks like a brand. Bucky slips between his cheeks, dragging his dick up and down and up again, the head of his cock teasing against Tony’s puffy rim with each pass. Tony wants to arch back, slam himself down on that dick, but he’s at Bucky’s mercy, forced to endure the barely there friction driving him crazy.

Finally, after what feels like hours, Bucky pushes in, and Tony nearly sobs in relief at how good the stretch feels, how good Bucky’s cock feels buried inside him. He stays nearly buried to the hilt, short, jerky thrusts that shove him minutely across the sheets. Tony wishes Bucky would flip him over and pound him through the mattress like he did after a particularly successful mission, but it seems like that’s not on the agenda. Bucky takes his sweet time, stopping every few thrusts to grind deep, rubbing Tony’s prostate raw.

His right hand keeps teasing, fingertips feathering over Tony’s length, petting over Tony’s balls, rolling them in his hands. Tony grits his teeth, eyes clenched, orgasm building embarrassingly quickly.

He really should make more of an effort to get laid between these occasions.

Tony nearly startles when he’s suddenly empty, Bucky’s cock pulled out entirely. He switches to Tony’s thighs, slick enough from the lube inside his ass that the glide is smooth, nudging against his perineum, his balls, all along his cock, and it’s making Tony so sensitive he could scream.

All it would take is a few more strokes, maybe a hand on his dick and he’d be shooting across the sheets. But Bucky’s breathing is picking up, panting low in Tony’s ear like he’s close, and suddenly Tony doesn't have any friction at all, because Bucky’s hand is off his cock, pulling on Tony’s right ass cheek to open him up, notching the head of his cock at Tony’s entrance to dump his load, wet and warm and absolutely filthy in Tony’s ass, sending a pleased shiver up Tony’s spine. He looks down at his aching length mournfully, desperate to get a hand on himself, but then–

A thumb dips into Tony’s swollen opening, and it has him fighting back a wave of panic, because unless Bucky grew another thumb on their mission, there’s another person in the room. He stiffens, heart pounding in his chest, mind racing. Bucky’s never done this before, brought another person, shared him like he’s just a public use sex toy, and the part of him that understands self-preservation viciously tamps down on that unbearably arousing train of thought before it goes any further, and then–

“God, Buck, look at him.” Tony relaxes instantly, going boneless into the sheets even as his cock twitches and leaks and his ass throbs, clenching around nothing as he feels more cum staining his skin.

He has no idea how he missed Steve’s presence in the room, but clearly he’d been watching, and now he’s ready to get in on the action, if the way his thumb is stroking back and forth across Tony’s swollen hole is any indication. He sounds guttural, thoroughly wrecked, and Tony didn’t think he could get any more turned on but his skin is overheating, nerves sizzling, every cell in his body attuned to his aching dick, flushed an angry red that’s fast becoming purple. He’s officially been fucked dumb, because all he can think about is cumming so hard he blacks out.

Tony nearly arches into the touch when Steve dips his thumb into Tony’s hole, tugging lightly at the rim, as if testing the give—or maybe he just wants to watch Tony leak cum, fucked so open he can’t close back up.

This is it. Tony’s sex life has officially peaked, he’s never going to get fucked in a way that can even remotely top all of this for as long as he lives.

“Christ, Bucky, he’s so– it’s like he– I can’t–” Steve’s practically non-verbal, and Tony feels a flush of pride at having been able to reduce him to this state with nothing more than Steve’s thumb in his ass.

“He’s a sight, ain’t he, Stevie? Soft and hot, fucked well and put away wet.” Bucky sounds pleased, proud of himself, smug, and it makes Tony hot all over. Bucky talks dirty to himself sometimes, strangled groans of “what a tight little ass” and “fuck, takin’ me so well” but Tony has a feeling that doesn’t come close to how filthy he can really get.

Steve moans, thumb still stretching Tony’s entrance, swiping through the mess. “There’s so much Buck, he’s stuffed—he’s really never said anything to you?”

“Not a word, Stevie. And there’s no way he didn’t ask JARVIS to play the footage for him the second he woke up—he wants it, Stevie. So give it to him.”

Steve shudders out a sigh, and Tony bites back a whine when Steve notches the head of his cock against his hole, pushing in with just the tip before pulling out, smearing more cum, working it into Tony’s skin.

He repeats the motion a few more times, dipping in, pulling out, dragging more cum out with him. Tony doesn’t realize he’s arching into the touch, begging for more until he feels the kiss of metal against his skin, smack landing against his left cheek, sharp and bruising and hot.

“C’mon Stevie, look how hungry he is for it, needy little slut, his pretty hole’s practically trynna suck you in. And I know how much you love sloppy seconds, fuckin’ give it to him already.”

Before Tony can blink Steve‘s pushing in, deeper and deeper until he’s buried to the hilt and Tony’s choking on his breath. Steve’s dick isn’t as long as Bucky’s but it’s thicker, and it feels like he’s being split open, stretched wide to the limit. Steve moves closer, draping himself over Tony’s back and caging him in, burying him under warmth. But it’s Bucky who leans down to mouth at Tony’s ear, nibbling at the sensitive spot behind it, placing a hot, wet kiss on the skin. “We know you’re awake, sweetheart.”

Tony’s breath hitches, strangled moan clawing its way out of his throat when Steve decides to grind his hips forward, nudging the head of his cock up against Tony’s prostate. He can feel a smile curving against his shoulder where Steve’s peppering soft kisses against the skin. “Surprise!”

“Fuck you both,” Tony whispers, gasping a breathless laugh when Steve punishes him with another hard thrust of his hips, sending sparks up his spine.

“Actually,” Bucky murmurs, disgustingly smug, “I think it’s fuck you.”

#buckytony #stuckony #nff #canon divergence

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