#i just want michael to be able to talk to someone about his bisexuality | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

soberqueerinthewild · 4 years

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I’ve got more than one membership to more than one club

A Michael POV fic in which he contemplates his bisexuality. Moments of Miluca, mentions of Malex, discussions of Michael/OC, because I personally hold onto the headcanon that Michael has been with men other than Alex.

I wanted to explore Michael’s relationship to his bisexuality, because I think it’s so interesting. He acts in ways that show he’s not too concerned about hiding it (i.e. the reunion scene, the drive-in, not caring about Isobel catching him), yet it’s not something he talks about openly (as indicated by Isobel’s “flimsy little closet” remark in 1x13). This fic was my attempt to work through that a little. I initially started this during Michael Guerin week, but abandoned it because I wasn’t sure if I liked it. I came back to it recently and am still not sure, but decided to post it anyways. Thanks to @jumbled-nonsense for encouragement and editing!

***

The first two months he’s with Maria are chaotic. With Max’s death, Rosa’s resurrection, Liz’s grief, and Isobel’s rage, there’s hardly time to breathe. Maybe that’s why, despite Maria’s assertion that they needed to talk after their kiss in the Wild Pony, they just...never did. She talked to Alex. Michael was able to ascertain that fact when he drunkenly spat the news at Alex one night and Alex’s only response had been an icy and flat “I’m well aware”, as he continued the task of putting Michael to bed, rather than let him stay passed out in a chair outside the Airstream after another bender. Michael never understood how Alex could compartmentalize like that. He felt a hundred swirling chaotic emotions around Alex, but not one of them was ever apathy. The fact that Alex could shut down his emotions, rather than yell or bring out the pyrotechnics, just made it starkly obvious that the intensity he felt for Alex had never been matched. If Alex had started dating someone, he’s not sure he would’ve managed polite disinterest with flat eyes like Alex is evidently going with since he learned about Michael and Maria.

So Maria had talked to Alex about Michael, but for some reason she hadn’t talked to Michael about Alex. At first, his breath caught every time there was a lengthy pause before Maria started a sentence, thinking this might be the moment. He wasn’t exactly relishing the idea of a conversation, and honestly had no earthly idea what he’d say. That day in the Crashdown he’d barely been able to choke out the words “it’s over, it’s been over” and that was before everything at Caulfield and the day after. Then, he had been driven by a singular need to seek something that felt normal and easy, but in the weeks since he’s struggled to get the echoes of “but you are mine!” “I shouldn’t have left you behind” and “you’re a miserable liar” out of his head. He hasn’t had the emotional wherewithal to figure out how he feels about all of that, much less to try to explain their entire history to Maria.

Every day she didn’t bring it up had felt like a reprieve initially, but now that it’s been two months, and there have already been several times when the three of them have had to interact, it’s starting to feel… unsettling. Some days he feels like just talking about it would be better. He’s never really had the opportunity to tell anyone on his own terms, and he hates not knowing exactly what Maria (or Kyle or Liz) even knows about him and Alex and what has gone on between them. He’s pretty sure Maria doesn’t have all the details, and it’s starting to feel like...lying somehow? Like another secret. And god Michael had been sick of secrets for a long time.

He considered bringing up the subject himself, but the opportunity never seemed to present itself. Maria doesn’t ever say Alex’s name if she can avoid it and changed the subject the few times Michael mentioned him in passing. He’d considered that Maria might just have an aversion to discussing exes too early in the relationship, but since last week when Maria was bored at work, she made up a drinking game where Michael had to do a shot when she correctly guessed the name of a previous conquest of his in the Wild Pony and vice versa, that explanation seems unlikely. The game was fun, and he’d laughed genuinely for the first time since Max died, so had decided once again not to ruin the mood by bringing up Alex.

Today, exhausted after another day spent in the lab with Liz trying to work out a cure for Max, he went straight to the Wild Pony, hoping for a few hours reprieve from alien nonsense. As usual, Maria seemed to sense what he needed as soon as she saw his face, and suggested they play another round of the game. Michael had smirked, and pointed to a guy he clocked on the way in that he recalled seeing Maria making out with under the bleachers their senior year of high school. She tipped a glass in his direction before downing a shot and perusing the bar for someone she thought might’ve been his type. They continued playing throughout the night, Maria threatening to cut him off when he teased her by intentionally choosing a few guys that she’d never touch with a ten foot pole.

It’s fun, light, and simple, just like it always is with Maria, yet some unease niggles in the back of his mind. He doesn’t realize what it is until he catches sight of Antonio at one of the back tables with a few friends. They exchange nods when their eyes meet, but neither makes a move towards the other. They haven’t spoken more than a few words to each other since Foster’s Ranch was bought out by the Air Force, and all the ranch hands, Michael and Antonio included, were suddenly out of a job. Michael had gone back to work at Sanders, and heard that Antonio and a bunch of the other guys had found work at another ranch nearby. Despite the fact that Michael and Antonio had hooked up off and on for about six months, neither had tried to continue things once it stopped being convenient. Michael had been wrapped up in Alex coming back to town, and by the way Antonio’s gaze lingers on the guy sitting next to him, Michael guesses Antonio hasn’t spent the last year pining after Michael. It had been fun though, and as Michael smiles to himself a bit at thinking of some of the more creative excuses they’d used to sneak off from the other guys on breaks, it suddenly hits him what’s been bothering him all night.

Between tonight and last week when she first came up with the game, Maria has made a dozen or more guesses about past conquests of his. Some right (she has the advantage of having watched him pick up girls in this very bar over the past 10 years), some very wrong (seriously Tess Harding? She might be hot, but she’d used to have a thing for Max and that was a complete no-go in Michael’s book), but every single guess had been a woman, even tonight when more than half their guesses had been jokes or wild conjecture.

Roswell isn’t exactly a gay Mecca but there were a handful of openly gay and bi locals who frequented the Pony, plus even more discrete ones. Over the past 10 years Michael has hooked up with his fair share of them and though he hasn’t exactly broadcast it especially since most were one-offs, he also never cared much if people found out. Now that he scans the room he spots another guy he hooked up with a handful of times, as well as the English teacher from Roswell High who Michael never had a thing with, but who is openly gay and known to the whole town after some nasty graffiti was sprayed on his car a few years ago. It caused a bit of a stir at the time, so there’s no way that Maria, who even without her nebulous psychic powers, has her finger on the pulse of this town better than anyone, didn’t know he was gay. Besides, once, shortly after Alex came back to town, he eavesdropped on a conversation where Maria was subtly pointing out the men she thought were queer, encouraging Alex to have a little fun. He’d been irrationally jealous at the thought, particularly when he realized that she was right about 3 of the 4 guys she’d pointed out. It had inspired a text message that had the intended effect of both making Alex blush and leave the bar to head to Michael’s Airstream before Maria could execute any actual matchmaking. So, her lack of guessing any male conquests definitely isn’t the result of not having a clue of what guys in Roswell might find Michael worth getting on their knees for (or vice versa).

The rest of the night Maria was too busy to play any more rounds of the game, which was just as well as Michael is so out of sorts he’s sure she’d have been able to perceive that something was wrong. He tries to tell himself it doesn’t matter. The game was supposed to be a bit of stupid fun, but it still rankles him. He switches to water until closing, trying to get a handle on his feelings. Once everyone is gone, and Maria’s counting the till, the words escape him before he’s even made a conscious decision to utter them.

“You missed at least one tonight.” He hopes it comes off casual, but there’s a bit of an unintended edge to his words and he’s still not really sure why.

Maria seems to sense it, as she stops counting and swivels on her stool to face him. “Oh yeah?” She studies his face thoughtfully for a minute and Michael thinks she might be trying to get a read on him. Maybe the fact that he’s so unsure of his own feelings blocks her ability to get anything from him, because she looks confused as she asks tentatively, “Are you gonna tell me who, or do you want to see if I get it next time?” She seems to understand this isn’t a lighthearted continuance of the game.

Michael swallows hard. It feels like coming out somehow, even though she obviously knows about Alex, so knows he’s bisexual, but he’s still nervous. “Antonio. You know him? He was sitting in the booth on the left in the back.”

Michael sees the stark shock on Maria’s face even as she quickly covers it. “Antonio? Who works out at Atkins Ranch? Sure I know him. Comes in lately with a guy I’m pretty sure is his boyfriend.” Maria really does know everyone, and clearly Antonio’s sexual orientation hadn’t escaped her notice. Yet she still seems shocked to hear that he and Michael have history. She’s clearly uncomfortable now, avoiding his gaze.

He still doesn’t entirely get where the discomfort is coming from so he pushes on. “Yeah, I think he is at Atkins Ranch now, but we used to work at Foster’s Ranch together. We spent six months finding ways to slip off together on our breaks last year.” Shock flashes across Maria’s face again, even though that description is tamer than the ones he gave of his brief relationships with women she correctly identified, so it’s definitely not discomfort in discussing exes, just this particular ex (and Alex, his subconscious helpfully adds). It doesn’t take a genius to identify the commonalities there, though it is confusing. Maria clearly does not have a problem with queer people. Alex is one of her best friends, and he’d seen a ‘Love is Love’ rainbow sign in the bar window the last few Junes. Homophobia doesn’t make sense, but there’s no denying that she’s surprised and a little uneasy with him discussing being with men in the past.

He could let it go. That’s what he’s done the few times the subject came up with Max or Isobel. When Max insisted that he would have known Michael was bisexual if only Michael talked with him, Michael said nothing instead of shouting back that if Max had asked how Michael was after Alex went to war, they’d have talked about it. Maybe they would’ve. Fuck, he doesn’t know. They were both so messed up then, blinded by guilt, heartbreak, anger and resentment. He’d have been just as likely to shut Max down with a snarl and toss him across the room, but he’s annoyed Max never asked nonetheless. Michael had told Isobel something once. But he was so drunk and out of it, he doesn’t know exactly what he said. She tried to bring it up exactly one time before this year, and when he shut it down she looked almost relieved. He’s pretty sure it wasn’t a discomfort with him being bisexual, but a discomfort with love itself, especially the messy, complicated kind that would do nothing to help Michael blend into Roswell society. So in ten years, he’s had about three conversations outside of Alex or hookups in which his bisexuality was even acknowledged. He never thought he cared, but clearly he does because he can’t seem to let this go.

“So, why were all your guesses women, then?”

“I’ve watched you operate for 10 years in my bar, Guerin. And you always picked up women, so I thought I’d hedge my bets.” Maria aims for flippant, but doesn’t quite manage it. There’s something else there and Michael just can’t stop poking at it.

“Sure, I don’t openly proposition men in the Wild Pony, since if the goal is to get laid I don’t want to be distracted by having to clock Wyatt Long in the face first, but you know I’m bisexual, wouldn’t you assume that sometime in the last 10 years I might’ve hooked up with some of Roswell’s other queer residents?”

She looks down and is silent for so long, Michael’s not sure she’s going to respond. “I didn’t, actually.” She replies quietly. After a deep steadying breath, (unbidden, an image of Alex taking that same slow, deep inhale before saying he shouldn’t have left Michael behind, flashes through his mind). He shakes his head, trying to focus on the here and now as Maria continues. “Know that you were bisexual, I mean. I didn’t actually know that.”

“What the fuck do you mean you didn’t know?” Michael bites out, sharper and louder than intended. He softens his tone a little. “I might not know how you know, but you telling me nothing could happen between us because Alex and I had history is kind of burned into my memory.”

“I knew you and Alex kissed in high school, yeah. But that’s all I knew for sure. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re bisexual! And in ten years I’ve never seen you with a guy. Hell, Rosa and I used to make out in high school. Doesn’t make me bisexual!” She’s talking rapidly now, hands moving through the air like they do when she’s agitated, though he notices her brow furrowing a bit on the last words, and wonders if maybe she’s reconsidering just how bisexual it might make her. Ultimately he tucks that away for another day; he’d never tell someone else how to define their sexuality and it’s so not the point now. He’s more focused on the first words she said. That he and Alex kissed in high school.

He lets out a hollow laugh. As though it had ever been that simple. It was though, that simple, for a glorious half hour there in the museum. When it was nothing but the two of them, Michael’s nervous energy, Alex’s quiet surety, pressed together, gripping faces, hips, backs, anything they could touch. It was simple, pure, and wonderful, but so damn fleeting.

“That’s what he told you? That we kissed in high school? And you were gonna cut things off with us because of what you thought was one awkward high school fumble? And you never brought it up? You said we had to talk about it and then you never mentioned it at all? Are you really that uncomfortable with the idea of bisexuality that you can’t even have a conversation about what you thought was one kiss in high school and couldn’t even fathom that it might’ve been more than that? That maybe my sexual past might’ve included men and women? I never pegged you as uncomfortable with bisexuality, Maria.” He knows he’s stepped in it the minute he finished talking, but it’s too late.

“He didn’t tell me jackshit actually.” Maria’s voice is cold as ice now. He’s managed to avoid having a lot of relationship fights by generally eschewing relationships, but he and Alex have enough practice with them despite never having been officially together that he sure as hell recognizes a bad one as it’s starting. Apparently that conversation he was dreading is happening right the fuck now and he has no one to blame but himself. If only he could rewind time to five minutes ago and keep his damn mouth shut.

“Once in high school he was moony eyed over some guy and told me they’d kissed in the museum. I tried to get more out of him, but he was tight lipped about it like he always is, and I could feel that it was more than a stupid crush for him. He didn’t ever intentionally tell me it was you, but he couldn’t hide the fucking gutted look on his face when he came into the bar after you told him about our hookup in Texas. I’m sure you’d recognize it because it’s the only look he wears around us now, before he can hide it under his mask of cold indifference. And ok, maybe I did think it was just an awkward high school fumble and experiment to you. But I knew for him it was more than that and that it would probably be pretty shitty of me to try something with you. And hey, guess what? It fucking was. But I was so tired of denying myself what I want, when there are so many other things in my life are so damn depressing, so I did it anyways. Because a lot of times you make me feel good, cared for, happy even. Even when everything else goes to shit. And I wanted to hold onto that.”

Maria swipes at her face as a few tears well up, but her voice doesn’t waver as she continues. “You’re not the only one that sometimes uses this relationship to avoid a painful reality, ok Guerin? You don’t hold a fucking monopoly on it. So yeah, excuse me if I wasn’t relishing the opportunity to have a conversation about your history with my best friend so I could drown myself in guilt. I feel it every fucking day as it is. I guess I made some assumptions, but maybe it was easier to think it was a one time experiment for you back then, and not ask questions that might disabuse me of that notion, so I didn’t have to think too hard about what you meant to each other. And it’s not like you were exactly rushing to fill in the blanks, so don’t put this all on me. The single solitary thing you said to me about Alex was that it has “been over” and that I shouldn’t feel guilty. And in the entire time I’ve known you, you’ve never so much as mentioned that you found a guy attractive, so given those facts and that my guilt kicks into overdrive thinking about you and Alex together, I think the assumptions I made are kind of understandable, so miss me with this biphobic shit.”

Michael is stunned into silence for a moment. Maria told him once that he wasn’t exactly the arbiter of friendship, and she was right. He’s never really had friends. Max and Isobel were family even if sometimes he’d try to deny it. Maria had almost been a friend, but it veered off into a hookup and then dating, or whatever it was they were doing now, before they had moved past comfortable acquaintances. If he really thinks about it, Liz is his only actual friend and that had only been the past few months, so he has never been well versed in the rules of friendships. He hadn’t completely understood Maria’s initial refusal to sleep with him again because her friend had history, as she’d put it, with him. And since she’d later reconsidered, he hadn’t given it much thought, but evidently it really is affecting her and he feels bad that he’s been too wrapped up in his own conflicting feelings every time they were in the same room with Alex that he hadn’t really noticed the way she’d tense up and shut down after those encounters. He knows he’s been overwhelmed by his own shit, and is guilty at times of using their relationship as a reprieve of sorts. It shouldn’t come as a shock that she’s doing the same, and hasn’t brought up Alex because she too was trying to pretend that their relationship could be one easy and uncomplicated thing.

He knows picking this fight is unfair. None of this is her fault. Now that the immediacy of Max’s death, Noah’s death, and Rosa’s resurrection has passed, he’s had space to think about Alex, and he’s so fucking confused. That night Max died, he thought things were so clear. He felt certain he needed to leave the past behind and move forward with Maria, but now everything is muddled again. He’s tried to ignore it, and focus on the good things in his relationship with Maria, and not think about how Alex said he doesn’t look away. But his subconscious obviously hasn’t let it go and maybe that’s part of why he pushed today and got so annoyed with Maria for assuming all his exes were women. But also, maybe he does want some validation of his sexuality. He’s never had to think much about it because he’s barely ever been in a relationship, but now that he is in a relationship, and it is with a woman, it feels important to him that his sexuality is acknowledged at least by the people close to him. It’s odd because he’s never felt like walking in a pride parade, but everyone assuming he’s heterosexual just...it feels wrong somehow. But Maria is his girlfriend, not his therapist and she shouldn’t have to deal with his anger and irritation when he doesn’t even understand it himself.

He looks up at her intending to apologize and feign temporary insanity, but when he meets her eyes he sees her gaze has softened and she’s looking at him thoughtfully, with a hint of sadness. She speaks quietly before he has a chance to. “I am sorry for making assumptions. You’re right, I shouldn’t have. I hope you know that you being bisexual is not a problem for me, Guerin. That you’ve had more exes that are men than I thought is not an issue at all.”

The words are pacifying, but there’s something she’s not saying. “I’m sensing a but in there, DeLuca.”

She smiles tiredly at him. “But...I think it’s clear that we do actually have to talk about Alex. Obviously it’s on both our minds and ignoring it isn’t gonna cut it anymore.”

He knows she’s right, knows he was annoyed not five minutes ago that they hadn’t had this conversation yet, but suddenly he’s terrified. He can’t help the sinking suspicion that having that conversation will result in the end of this. Not just their burgeoning relationship, but a friendship too, and he’s so tired of losing people. He looks at her pleadingly. “I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have snapped at you. And yeah, we probably should talk, but does it have to be tonight?”

She smiles softly at him, in the way that always makes his heart stutter in his chest, and takes pity on him. “No, it doesn’t have to be tonight.”

She wraps an arm around him, tugs his head onto her shoulder and presses a kiss into his hair. He closes his eyes, enjoying her closeness and wills himself to stay in the present, in this moment, with her. Tries to make himself believe that this thing they’re doing can work. Tries to make himself believe that this doesn’t feel like goodbye. It almost works.

#roswell new mexico fic #michael guerin #mentions of miluca and malex #introspective stuff #i just want michael to be able to talk to someone about his bisexuality #on his own terms for once #will i always use ani difranco lyrics for my rnm fics #survey says yes

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buckleyblueyes · 3 years

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buddie + coming out

Jess this got...so fucking long. I'm putting it under a cut. (send me a ship and a word and I'll give you a head canon)

Okay, so Buck first. I imagine that Buck first realized he wasn’t straight when he was in high school. He didn’t mention it to his parents because it’s not like they were that interested in who he was dating anyway. But he did come out to Maddie back then. They were driving around her jeep (coming out in cars is Real okay) and there was some cheesy pop music on the radio (it was the early 2000s) and he didn’t have the word “bisexual” just yet, but she asked if he was dating anyone/if he had a crush on someone and he said “uh...yeah. His name’s Jamie.” and she just took it in stride. Just kind of “oh, okay.” and then he added quickly “I still like girls, too, though” and since she was already through college at this point, so she knew sexuality wasn’t just gay and straight, so she didn’t even blink. “So, tell me about him” and he did. When he was done, she grinned, told him she wanted to meet Jamie some time, and turned up the radio. They drove around some more singing along to whatever cheesy pop song played next.

As far as Buck coming out as an adult, at some point in his late teens or early twenties he found the word bisexual. He never really tried to hide it, but he also never went out of his way to broadcast it. He never felt ashamed of his sexuality, per se, but he never felt proud of it either. It was just like...sometimes he dated guys, y’know? Anyways so flash forward to when he joins the 118. He doesn’t make a big deal out of it, but at some point early on Hen describes him as “a straight white boy” and he’s like “bold of you to assume I’m straight” “you’re not?” “not even a little” and leaves it at that. Sometimes he mentions hookups with guys during his 1.0 phase, but other than that he doesn’t really talk about it. He comes out to Eddie sometime in season 3, when he’s bemoaning his loneliness and Eddie says “you’ll find the right girl someday” and Buck suddenly realizes he’s never actually told Eddie he’s into guys so he responds. “Right person, actually.” and Eddie blinks twice. “What?” and Buck sighs. “I’ll find the right person, I’m bisexual.” and Eddie blinks again. “Oh...Cool…” and then they just move on.

Which brings us to Eddie. Eddie does not come to the realization that he’s queer until much later in life. He worries he might be gay in high school, because everyone else is interested in dating and girls, and he’s just. Not. Everyone always tells him that he and his good friend Shannon would make a good couple, and he’s pretty sure she has a crush on him, but he just likes her as a friend. Until one day, the summer after they graduate from high school, he looks at her and his heart starts racing and his palms are sweating but it’s not from the Texas humidity and oh my god. Is this what liking someone feels like? This is terrible, actually. But he was right about Shannon having a crush on him, so they start dating, and it’s great. And Eddie is relieved because falling in love with Shannon means he’s straight. He was just a late bloomer, like his mom said.

Anyways, so flash forward about twelve years and Eddie is starting to think he was wrong before. Oh, God, he was so wrong. He’s not sure when Buck went from his best friend to someone he was falling in love with, but it’s too late to go back now. But it’s fine. It’s fine. Buck is straight anyway, so it’s not even worth getting worked up over because it’s never going to happen and--Buck isn’t straight. Oh, hell.

And then he meets Ana, and she’s, well. She’s pretty, and he likes that she guesses his name right, but then he blows up at her and also she’s his son’s teacher, so that’s kind of weird. And then the pandemic hits, and he’s forced into close quarters with Buck and it gets impossible to deny his feelings to himself any longer. But he doesn’t know what to do about it. The problem for Eddie is that he’s only really had strong feelings for two people ever in his life, and the word ‘bisexual’ doesn’t to fit. More like ‘these two people in particular-sexual’ but that doesn’t really make sense.

So, when Ana comes back into his life, it seems like the easy way out. Nobody has to know that he has all these weird, confusing, not-heterosexual feelings. He’s 33 years old, who has a sexuality crisis at 33? Of course, the universe has other plans. He gets shot, he almost dies, and he realizes he doesn’t really feel anything for Ana and he probably never will, and predictably by the time he’s finally ready to confront his feelings and sexuality, Buck is dating Taylor. Great.

Anyways, so Eddie goes to Hen for help figuring himself out because if anyone would be able to help, his married lesbian friend seems like a very good bet. And he’s right. He explains how he’s only ever been in love with two people and that gender doesn’t seem to be a big factor in it, and she points him to the concept of asexuality and aromanticism, and more specifically demisexuality/demiromanticism and it just clicks for him. He wasn’t a “late bloomer” after all. So, I guess Hen is the first person Eddie comes out to. And he doesn’t really feel the need to come out to anyone else at that point because it’s not really anyone’s business.

Eventually, he and Buck get together. And for Buck, telling people isn’t a big deal because he’s been out as bi for years. Eddie isn’t reluctant to tell their found family, or even the rest of the 118. But he is nervous to tell his biological family. He doubts they’ll be too happy about him being with a man, let alone understand the concept of demisexuality. He starts with Abuela and Pepa, the family he’s closer to (literally and figuratively). He comes out to both of them at the same time, at Abuela’s, over a home cooked meal. He tells them that he and Buck are dating, that he loves him. Pepa puts a hand over his and gives it a gentle squeeze. “I’m proud of you,” she says. “It was about time you put that boy out of his misery.”

Eddie chokes on a surprised laugh. Then he looks at Abuela. Abuela is quiet for a minute before standing and walking around the table to where Eddie is sitting. She pulls him up to standing and gives him a tight hug. “Te quiero.”

Next he comes out to his sisters, who are pretty chill about the whole thing, and lastly his parents. His parents liked Buck when they met briefly, so if Eddie was going to be with a man, at least he picked a good one. And given that the rest of the family already knows and is supportive, it’s not like anyone would be on their side if they had a problem with it, and they want to keep seeing their grandson. So they just say “okay” and accept it in the most passive way possible.

Anyways this got SUPER DUPER long and detailed, so I’m going to end it with this: After they’ve been out (both Eddie coming out and Buck and Eddie being out as a couple) for awhile, Hen drags them to that year’s LA Pride with her, Karen, and the kids, and they end up meeting up with Michael, David, Harry and May there (and Bobby who is wearing a t-shirt that says “Free Dad Hugs” in rainbow letters, Buck takes him up on the offer immediately).

#buddie #bi Buck #demi Eddie #you can pry my demisexual/demiromantic eddie headcanons out of my cold dead hands!!!!!!!!#coming out hcs #1331 words later lmao

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emptymasks · 3 years

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I’ve seen a lot about your thoughts on Elisabeth and Tanz der Vampire, and they’ve been really helpful getting into those musicals! But you have a huge list of other musicals that people can get into…

So I was wondering if you had any musicals you hadn’t mentioned in a while that you really like or would like to talk about??? (preferably something from your lists that has a blue heart please?)

Oh if only you knew how long the list of European musicals really is... I however have only seen 9 (if I counted right) and I have a lot more that I still need to watch. Oh also, I only put the blue hearts on any musicals that I was providing multiple links for so people could see which version I reccoment the most highly. If a musical only had one link and didn't have a blue heart it doesn't mean I didn't like it.

I've watched: Mozart das Musical, Elisabeth das Musical, Tanz der Vampire, 3 Musketiers, Mozart L'Opéra Rock, Dracula (the Graz production), Rebecca das Musical, Roméo et Juliette and Schikaneder.

If you enjoyed those two you're likely to enjoy Rebecca! It's written by the same composer/lyricist team as Elisabeth and Mozart (and same lyricist as Tanz der Vampire - though if you're listening to any German musical, original or translated, 90% of the time the lyrics will have been done by Michael Kunze that man is everywhere). The Stuttgart production has my favourite set design of any musical! Well... Actually probably. There are so many big set pieces it's insane, way more than I've seen in some Broadway and West End musicals. You can tell so much work went into it and the visual effects that I won't spoil if you don't know the plot but if you know the plot you know what I mean by the effects at the end are so good and I didn't expect them at all and I freaked out so much the first time I watched it. Jan Ammann as Maxim in the Stuttgart production is the best Maxim. No I won't take any argument. Other actors feel a bit one-dimensional to me, but the way Maxim acts at times comes from trauma and some actors and productions seem to forget that, but Jan really goes for it and his Maxim is a lot more sympathetic and I just want to give him a hug. Pia Douwes as Mrs Danvers, if you've seen her in Elisabeth what more do I need to say, she's amazing. A musical goddess. Her Danny is a bit more wild than some, but she kills it. My favourite video, which I put the blue heart next to, has understudy Christina Patten as Ich/I, but I adore her she's my favourite. She adds some spunk to Ich in act 2 and her voice is so pretty and aaaa. I just love these three actors together in these roles.

Roméo et Juliette is another favourite of mine! It's hard to choose which one to recommend, but it has to be the original 2000/2001 production because of the sweetness and chemistry and voices of Damien Sargue and Cecilia Cara as Romeo and Juliet. They're so pretty and work together so well. The only reason I say it's hard to pick is Mercutio. I adore him, but in the original production they cut out a song they had planned for him and he doesn't really do much at all? In the 2010 revival they gave him two more songs and you care about him so much more and John Eyzen plays such a good Mercutio. So I'd recommend the original but if you want to like Mercutio more, which you should he's amazing, I'd recommend watching at least clips of John's. It's an interesting musical because all productions are non-replica and also change around the order of songs, add or take away characters, all sorts. The Hungarian production is also very popular and I'm sure it's great, I just haven't' gotten around to watching it yet.

Mozart das Musical was the first non-English language musicals I watched so I have a fondness for it, but it's not my favourite. However, I do realise I have forgotten most of the songs and the few I've gone back and listened to are better than I remember.

Dracula isn't super popular and I understand why, I don't love the plot of the Dracula/Mina romance in it, however. I do love this musical because despite how I find the plot lacking, the songs are so good! At least, I love them. And the actors are all doing a great job. And it's one of the few Dracula adaptions to keep Quincy Morris so they get bonus points for that.

Mozart L'Opéra Rock and modern French musicals... This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but they're often more like pop-rock operas now. So if you're not into musicals with that style of music it might not be for you, but I still enjoyed it even though I didn't think I would because of the style of music. Mozart and Salieri's chemistry is very good, Salieri's bisexual crisis song is iconic, actually all of Salieri's songs are iconic.

Schikaneder... eh. I didn't like it that much and I didn't really like any of the songs. There's no English subtitles, but someone sent me the entire English synopsis and I watched it with a German friend so I had double the help of understanding it. Doesn't mean others might not like it, just none of the songs stood out to me and I had no desire to listen to any of them again. It's by Steven Scharwz of Wicked fame and I love Wicked, but I didn't love this.

3 Musketiers!! God it's so underrated and not spoken about within the European musical fandom that I even forget about it and literally forgot to write about it earlier in this post. It's a Dutch musical (though did also have a German production) and it's really good!? Faces you might know are Pia Douwes as Milady de Winter, Stanley Burlseon as Cardinal Richeliu (Netherlands Der Tod in Elisabeth), Henk Poort as Athos (Netherlands Phantom and Jean Valjean). The dialgoue is funny, the songs are good, some of the set pieces have no right to exist in this tiny musical?? They made this giant boat and pelt the actors with rain just for one 5 minute song and then we never see the boat again? And while I recommend the Dutch one because Dutch musicals deserve more love and it has official English subtitles!! Official ones, not fanmade! I have the DVD and it comes with English subtitles (and Dutch and German subtitles) which is so nice. The German version is also good, good cast, Pia came back and Uwe Kroger as Richeliu and omg they rearranged the songs and the German arrangement of Nicht Aus Stein is insane and amazing and frankly iconic.

That's all of the ones I have watched. Next on my list to watch are Rudolf and Notre Dame de Paris, both of which I have listened to some songs from and already love (I've listened to way too much of Notre Dame de Paris and am so in love).

I want to start organising streams where I'll host the musical either by getting the video from Youtube or my own files and anyone who wants to join can come along and watch with us, chat with us if you want or just watch there's no pressure to chat. I thought about doing weekly streams? This would also make me finally watch some of the ones I've been meaning to for ages. But I keep wondering about time zones. I'm in the UK and would want to stream at about 11pm at the latest (11pm BST/GMT+1 as we’re in daylight savings at the moment, if the streams continue past the end of October which would be wild then I’ll make a note of the time change that would be to 11pm GMT), which I know can work for other UK and Europeans, but for any Americans would be in the afternoon. So, I wondered if doing it on a weekend would be better? Then it doesn't matter if it's in the afternoon? Maybe Saturday evenings then? It would either be Saturday evenings UK time or Friday evenings UK time. What do you guys think? If people are down then I'll make a separate post with a list of what we'll be watching each week and if anything happens to me that means I can't stream one week then everything will just get pushed back a week, but I don't see that as likely to happen. And I'll only be streaming those that have English subtitles, so don't worry about not being able to understand anything.

edit: am also open to 10pm bst if others want that, im just trying to think of what time works best for everyone so sorry if 11pm is a little late for europeans, i know 10pm could be a little early for americans. also in case it sounded like these are the only musicals i will be streaming, thats not so, ive got more than just the ones mentioned on this list!

(Tagging some people who I know are or might be interested in streams to see what you think of that plan: @sirona-art @ringwraith100 @tanz-der-trash @smilingwoland @the-weird-dane @witchgaye @ami-fidele @kisstheghouls @looking-4-happiness @ladysapphire928 @sloanedestler @tinywound @persephonaae @phoenixdewinter @uwucoffee @freshbloodandgothicism )

#european musicals #mozart das musical #3 musketiers #dracula the musical #retj #romeo et juliette #mozart l'opera rock #mozart l'opéra rock #musical theatre #musicals #broadway #musicaledit #rebecca das musical #rebecca the musical #answeredasks #non english language musicals

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hen-of-letters · 3 years

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@spnprideweek day one: flags

This little ficlet for #spnprideweek is brought to you by my big, non-binary bisexual love for this beautiful fandom, and my desire to fix that moment in 'Baby' when Cas indulges Dean by saying "werepire", but Dean doesn't hear him and Cas doesn't know. It ended up getting a bit long, so there's more under the cut or over on AO3. Thanks!

Dean's at Pride, and feeling a rising level of discomfort.

It's not the fact that he's wearing eyeliner in public for the first time in his forty-two years. Hell, he'd been wanting to do that ever since he was a kid, dreaming of being a rock star. The covers of music magazines in gas station racks had been windows on a world free from the brutally narrow definition of what his Dad meant when he told him to "be a man". Gradually, though, he'd learned what is gloriously apparent today under the hot June sun: that there are as many ways of being a man as there are men.

It's not because the sleeveless white t-shirt he's wearing is somewhat snug. (The heat had made him shed his pink, purple and blue plaid shirt - the one he'd worn today because Claire always called it his 'bi flannel' - and tie it around his waist.) He and Cas are both wearing a little of their contentment on their waistlines these days, and he believes Cas when he says that he adores his body because he means it when he says the same to Cas.

It's not the big, heart-shaped sticker slapped on his chest, which is striped in the colours of the bisexual pride flag in a way that's much less subtle than the flannel. Dean's always known that he wasn't only into chicks, but putting a name to it is new. Dean's had jobs and Dean's had roles, but having an identity had always seemed like a luxury well beyond Dean's means. Now he's not constantly running for his life, though, he has the breathing room to figure himself out. And he's good with this part of himself. More than good.

It's not the two flags that are padding the pockets of his jeans. One, he'd bought for Cas: it's striped in pale pink, pale blue and white. Earlier, he'd gone with Cas when he'd met up with some friends he'd met online (having managed to get past all the cats this time). The ex-angel had found that discussing their experiences of being trans had helped him feel happy in the body that had become his own. Dean could only feel immense gratitude for the way Cas' face had lit up afterwards when he'd talked about how he was creating himself, becoming himself, and embracing the human condition of change.

Dean hopes that the gift of the trans pride flag will show Cas that Dean understands and loves him, and the same is true for the other flag, which he'd picked up for Jack. It's yellow, white, purple and black. Dean had had to do a little research when Jack had used the term non-binary - it's amazing how the world can move on while you're living in an underground bunker. He'd kept on researching, too, after he'd learned the basics. Maybe he was still figuring himself out. Maybe there was more to discover about himself, and wasn't that fantastic?

Jack is wandering around somewhere with Claire and Kaia. Jody and Donna are here, too, with Alex and Patience. Adam and Michael have probably partied their way through fifty international pride parades by now, but they should be meeting up with everyone else later. Sam and Eileen are not far away. Eileen was the one who's slapped the bi pride sticker on Dean's chest - with unnecessary force, if you asked Dean. She'd grinned at him, showed off the identical sticker on her own chest, and said, with a suitably cheesy wink, "we need to stick together". He remembered the moment he'd nervously asked her the sign for 'bisexual', and when she'd shown him - the letter signs for 'b' and 'i' - she'd added, "me too," and Dean had scooped her up into a crushing hug.His love for his family is endless, and them all being here is definitely not why he's uncomfortable.

And it's not the body glitter freckling his cheeks and his shoulders with gold, although his feelings might change by the time he tries to remove it tonight. He'd been gilded with it when he'd been dancing up a storm with a group of drag queens. They'd admired his eyeliner - a deep brown shot through with gold along his upper lashes - but winked and said it was "a little subtle for Pride". As soon as Dean had seen the tube of glitter, he'd yelled "hell yes!" and even managed to hold still long enough to be coated in the stuff before moving his body to the beat again. Although he's sure his feet will be aching later, so far his favourite cowboy boots are not the source of his discomfort.

It's not the bright pink feather boa, either, which he'd acquired from the same source as the glitter, when he'd been sent off with a kiss to the cheek and the words "be bold, honey!" He'd expected the boa to tickle or irritate, but for some bizarre reason the sensation of feathers around his shoulders and the back of his neck feels incredibly comforting and reassuring. He feels warm and safe and oh. Oh.

As that particular realisation sweeps over him, Dean tightens his hold on Cas. He's standing behind him with his right hand on Cas' hip, and his left arm is up over his shoulder and wrapped around his chest. His hand is splayed out, at once putting his silver wedding band on display and somehow attempting to conceal Cas from the eyes of his many admirers (and, well, good luck with that. Cas is incredibly beefy these days).

Which brings us to the source of Dean's discomfort; to the thing that's deepening the furrow in his brow and the dimples beside his pursed lips: namely, the sheer number of guys hitting on Cas.

It's not like Dean can blame them. Cas' muscular frame is wrapped in black jeans and a tight black t-shirt bearing the Led Zeppelin 1975 tour logo. The short sleeves show off the floral tattoos trailing down his left arm. Cas is wearing a rainbow-coloured enamel belt buckle and, because he's determined to be the death of Dean, black cowboy boots. Before they'd left, Dean hadn't been able to resist grabbing a black kohl pencil and smudging a little along Cas' upper and lower lashes. And, okay, maybe Cas' wide-eyed bewilderment every time he's flirted with is vaguely amusing. But when Dean is right here? Not cool.

Right on cue, here's another one. From over his husband's shoulder, Dean levels his very best glare at the guy. It's a look that can stop a demon dead in its tracks. A vampire would tremble. A werewolf would wet itself. But one young gay guy with a few drinks in him? Totally unaffected. Like the others, he's all smiles and understanding when Cas politely, if awkwardly, waves him away. (Literally. With a final dorky little wave goodbye.)

Dean realises that he's moved his right arm around Cas' waist, so now Dean is wrapped around Cas like some kind of koala/octopus hybrid. An octoala? A koctopus? Definitely koctopus. Heh.

Dean snorts at the thought, which is somewhat unfortunate, given that his face is right next to Cas' ear. Cas flinches and turns his head around to fix him in a squinty glare.

"Koctopus?" Dean says, apologetically.

Cas narrows his eyes further and tilts his head to the side.

"Um, the way I was wrapped around you. I was like a cross between a koala and an octopus."

Dean nudges Cas. "So what does that make me? C'mon, you know you wanna say it."

Cas just tilts his head a bit further to the side, either in confusion or outright despair. Dean has untangled himself from Cas and stepped back, and looks down at the ground, suddenly self-conscious.

Dean feels Cas' hand on his shoulder, and then it smooths over his back, finding the back of his neck underneath the boa. Whatever his shape, Cas' touch has the exact same effect on Dean. He looks up into the impossibly blue eyes of his husband.

"You're a very glittery," Cas begins, softly, "and very beautiful," one corner of his mouth lifts, and then he purses his lips together, trying to hold back the smile, "koctopus."

The corners of his eyes are crinkled. He's not amused by the joke, Dean knows, just absurdly pleased to be saying something he knows will make Dean happy. Of course Dean knows that Cas loves him, knows the whole cosmic-realm-crossing magnitude of it, but in little moments like this, he's floored by it. Dean can't help his sudden exhale or the massive grin that breaks across his face. He wraps his husband up in hug that they hold for a good long moment, before Dean leans back to kiss Cas.

No one had ever explained to Dean how difficult it is to kiss someone when you can't stop smiling. He'd never had that problem before Cas, but now it's practically a daily occurrence. It's a menace because kissing Cas is one of Dean's favourite pastimes. Now, they trade little pecks between wide, toothy grins, until passion takes over and the kisses become heavier.

It takes someone wolf-whistling for them to part, and then they're back to grinning and staring into each others' eyes, until Dean spots something on Cas' face. And something else. And something else. In fact, there's something all over Cas, and that something is gold glitter. It's on his face, his hands, his Zeppelin shirt, and even in his hair. Dean runs his fingers through the unruly curls - Cas has been wearing his hair longer lately - in an attempt to shake it out, but only deposits more glitter into Cas' locks.

"Oops," Dean says, "I kinda glitter bombed you there. It's all over your shirt, too. Sorry, Sunshine."

He doesn't sound terribly sorry.

"This is your shirt, Dean."

"Aw, man."

He does sound a little sorry now, but his future laundry woes are forgotten when Cas presses another kiss to his pouting lips. They're forgotten again when something across the crowd catches Dean's eye.

"Oooh," Dean exclaims as he drags Cas towards the stall he's spotted.

It's selling cowboy hats in every configuration of colour imaginable, and Dean is practically jumping on the spot excitement. Cas looks his husband up and down, slowly.

"You think your outfit's lacking accessories?" he deadpans.

"Yup," is Dean's gleeful reply, "and so's yours."

Cas' groan is lost to the noise of the crowd and the beat of the music, so no-one will ever know if it was one of protest or defeat. He does, in fact, end up wearing a black cowboy hat with a rainbow band, so if it was protest then it was highly ineffective. Dean's has a pink crown, purple band and blue brim, and he's carrying another black one with a band in the non-binary flag colours for Jack. Cas admits that Jack's going to love it.

"Damn, this is awesome," Dean says as they head back to meet up with the rest of their family.

Walking hand in hand with Cas, Dean's thoughts wander. Dean could kick his younger self for every time he'd called someone gay or a girl as a way of saying they were weak. Because all he can see in the people around him is strength. He grins again, giddy with the atmosphere of defiant joy. All around him is everything he'd spent his life fighting to protect: freedom, family, and love. Holding his husband's hand a little tighter, he's grateful that in the end he gets to have both: freedom and peace.

#sorry to be late posting this - I was poorly but then I'm also naturally blessed with the writing speed of a sloth #thank you so much for hosting this event #spnprideweek #spn #supernatural #destiel #dean winchester #castiel #dean is bi #trans castiel #non-binary Jack Kline #my fic #happy pride 🌈

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spaceskam · 3 years

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and as our lives change

Summary: Alex’s dad sold his childhood home without telling him, so Michael decides to do something about it.

Tags: sexual content (literally just the first scene), emotional hurt/comfort, friends with benefits, lack of communication

ao3

Michael watched as Alex’s head fell back, his jaw dropping as he caught his breath.

He swallowed hard, his eyes scanning over Alex’s body where it was perched on top of his in a way that felt like a renaissance painting. He was stunning. And Michael really, really didn’t know what to do about that realization. Or, he didn’t know what to do about the constant revelations he was having when it came to Alex.

Michael was straight and frustrated when this whole thing began. A weird string of events, mostly him whining and Alex being Alex, led to him getting a handjob from Alex on the couch in the apartment he shared with Max. There was no kissing or any kind of romantic shit afterward or during or before. Alex just politely went and washed his hands with a ‘will you be able to focus now?’ and they got back to their work. Michael was absolutely not able to focus.

The first time he was able to convince himself that it was just a thing between bros. No feelings, nothing weird, it was just clinical and casual. But Michael couldn’t sleep and he couldn’t stop having an entire crisis over it.

And yet, the next time he was alone with Alex in the apartment, he found himself with his hand between Alex’s thighs.

It kept happening and escalating. They didn’t talk about it or make rules or establish boundaries‒which was an admittedly bad thing‒but they seemed to both understand that they didn’t kiss, they didn’t do anything that could be perceived as romantic, and they didn’t acknowledge it. It did leave Michael to have his bisexual awakening through a series of borderline panic attacks followed by getting Alex to do whatever to clear his mind. He didn’t know if Alex knew exactly what he was clearing, but it didn’t matter.

Michael was 99.9% sure he wasn’t straight now and 87% sure he wasn’t just gay. Sometimes Alex would do something like stick his fingers inside him and order him to continue reciting his presentation without mistakes and he would consider the idea that maybe he actually was gay and the reason it didn’t feel like this with every girl he’d been with was because he was gay. But then he remembered that it didn’t feel like this with every girl he’d been with because he usually barely knew them.

He knew Alex.

He liked Alex.

It was just… a little confusing on what kind of like. Alex was his best friend and he didn’t want to screw that up. He was sure that if they just kept it like this, then they wouldn’t change anything and they could continue to just be best friends. But then he would find himself staring at Alex when there were other people around and it would make him question if things were actually still normal at all.

“Fuck, you’re getting better at that,” Alex said, pulling off of Michael with an objectively disgusting and yet still horribly enticing sound.

“Honestly, I feel like you did all the work,” Michael said. Alex huffed a laugh and cautiously got off the bed. Standing up, Alex looked even more like a work of art.

“Yeah, but the first few times I still did all the work and you were still lacking.”

“Hey!”

“Just being honest.”

Michael licked his lips and watched as Alex walked into the bathroom, leaving the door open as he found a rag with practiced ease. His back was muscular and still a bit flexed and Michael’s eyes followed it all the way down to his ass that was, admittedly, quite a mess and still just. There. For Michael to see. And to think he thought he was straight for so long.

They didn’t talk about things like that. Michael knew that was objectively bad, but it felt good. He liked Alex just taking over and doing what he wanted to him. It was just. A little confusing. Because they weren’t dating and this was something that very clearly had a time limit. Things would have to change eventually, just he didn’t know in what direction he wanted them to change in. Or what he was allowed to have them change in.

So he kept his eyes on Alex and watched as he cleaned himself off. When he looked over his shoulder, he caught Michael’s eye and grinned.

“I’m beginning to think you’ve got a staring problem,” Alex said, but then he had the audacity to stretch up. He brought himself to his toes and reached for the ceiling and let out a little moan as his shoulder popped. Michael’s head felt empty.

Alex washed the rag out and then came back to the bed, tossing it onto his stomach before he went to go find his clothes. Michael seemingly had to reboot his brain and couldn’t get himself to clean up until after Alex put his briefs back on.

Yes, things were weird and he didn’t quite understand how he got to this point, but he didn’t really want it to stop either. He wanted Alex to keep doing shit like this and smiling at him and maybe even kissing him if, you know, he felt like it. Michael would be lying if he didn’t think about kissing him more than he thought about sleeping with him.

“Okay, I hate to fuck and kick you out, but I’ve got plans,” Alex said once Michael was done and slowly trying to find his own clothes. That was enough to get Michael’s full attention.

“Plans? It’s already nighttime,” Michael pointed out. Alex just gave that little grin of his and shook his head.

“Sweet little innocent Michael.”

“I don’t think any of the shit we do qualifies as innocent,” Michael shot back. Alex smiled wider.

Michael wasn’t jealous. He didn’t even know what Alex was doing, how could he be jealous of something he didn’t even know anything about? He wasn’t. He just very much did not enjoy the idea of Alex going out with someone else after the sun had gone down. Not for any selfish reason, but for the fact that nothing good happened after the sun went down and he told Alex as much.

“What are you, my grandma?” Alex laughed. He double-checked that Michael had his jeans and boxers on before opening the door which was the real sign that this was actually over for the night.

Ianto, Alex’s kitten‒that technically wasn’t a kitten anymore but Michael would never stop calling him that‒strolled in like she owned the place. Michael grinned as he immediately came to rub against his leg. He didn’t have to look up to know Alex was rolling his eyes.

“Hi, baby,” Michael cooed, reaching down to scratch his head, “Your dad is kicking me out to do secret things.”

“Shut up,” Alex laughed, “I’m not kicking you out. If you wanna stay, you can, but I won’t be here.”

“What are you doing that’s so late, though?” Michael asked, looking up to him. Alex sighed as he pulled his shirt over his head.

“I’m just meeting someone,” Alex said. Something twisted in Michael’s gut as he stared at him. Someone.

“Like… a date?” Michael asked. Alex took a deep breath and Michael knew that it was true. He was seeing someone.

Which. Was fine. Michael just thought he had more time. More time to understand what the fuck he was feeling, more time to get good at it, more time for whatever. That was. Okay.

“I mean… Not quite. Just, you know, someone,” Alex said, shrugging and looking away.

The way he spoke about it was almost worse than if he just said that he was trying to date people. Before they started this whole thing, Alex had always been honest about who he was seeing. Michael had a ton of memories and texts of Alex telling him about guys he’d been with. They were friends. But things had changed.

“Okay,” Michael said, standing up and quickly putting on his shirt and grabbing his phone, “Then I’ll leave.”

“Well, don’t be mad,” Alex said. Michael closed his eyes for a moment and then set back into motion to look for his shoes.

“I’m not mad. I just don’t wanna hold you up,” Michael said. Since I clearly couldn’t satisfy you, he didn’t say.

He tried not to let his ego be too bruised. It happened. Alex was the first and only guy Michael had been with. Of course he would want someone more experienced.

“Michael,” Alex said, grabbing his arm. His eyebrows were furrowed and he looked a bit lost. “Do you wanna talk about this or something?”

“No,” Michael said simply. They didn’t talk about this. Talking about it now would make it weird.

He pulled out of Alex’s grasp and put his shoes on, giving Ianto a couple more pets before he headed for the door. Alex didn’t try to stop him and that was telling enough. Tomorrow, maybe, Michael would text him or talk to him and they’d go on as normal. It made him feel a little weird, though, thinking about Alex sleeping with other people and not telling him about it. Wasn’t that, like, a rule of casual relationships? You let people know? Was he getting tested?

It didn’t matter. They were friends. This was fine.

Michael waited a whole three days without texting Alex first.

He couldn’t say why exactly he was choosing to be pouty and just choosing to let Alex be the one to reach out, but he was and he wasn’t really having much of an internal fight about whether he should reach out or not. He was going to let Alex do that, even if he missed him, because he didn’t want to seem clingy. Well, that and he was a little bit irritated, but he could focus on the not wanting to be clingy thing and feel better about himself afterward.

It was probably normal to get weirdly attached to the first guy you sleep with whether there were romantic feelings or not. He didn’t want to be attached to Alex, at least not like that. He wanted to be friends with him. Friends who slept together sometimes.

Michael just wasn’t sure if he could keep that up much longer.

And yet, when it hit the three day mark, he was tossing and turning and bed and craving Alex in some capacity. They didn’t even have to hook up, he just needed his friend. They could watch movies or do homework or literally anything and they didn’t have to talk. They had never gone this long without at least a meme or two sent between them. Weirdness from the other day aside, this was particularly annoying.

Michael pulled out his phone and let his thumb hover over Alex’s contact. He just had to hit it and ask if Alex wanted to come over. He could do that. Easy. Just hit it.

“What are you doing?” Max asked, breaking Michael’s mental discussion. For the first time, he was a little bit thankful that Max had basically no boundaries when it came to Michael’s personal life. At least it provided a distraction.

“Thinking about inviting Alex over, if that’s okay,” Michael said, tossing his phone onto the couch as he stood up. He needed a break from looking at it anyway. Max nodded his head, looking through the contents of the refrigerator.

“Sure, if he wants to after everything,” Max said. Michael’s eyebrows tugged together.

“What do you mean, after everything?” he wondered, standing up a little bit straighter. Instantly, his brain started filling with thoughts of what could’ve happened, all of which were probably over the top and wrong because if it was something dire like Alex getting hurt, there was no way Max would know before him.

It didn’t stop his mind from racing.

“He didn’t tell you?” Max asked. Michael shook his head and Max shrugged, taking his sweet damn time. “Oh, well, Liz said that his dad apparently sold the house he grew up in back in Roswell without telling him. Got rid of all of his and his brother’s shit without telling them and it’s apparently sold. I don’t know, if I were him, I’d be upset.”

Michael started at the back of his head, momentarily unmoving. His first thought was if he threw out Alex’s mom’s things too or if he kept it. He thought about the closet door that had his height marked alongside his brothers that the four of them secretly kept up after their mom left. He thought about the things Alex always said he was going to go back and get whenever he got his own place in the future, the quiet little admissions Alex only made whenever he was either drunk or one of them did something particularly mindblowing in bed that left them both a little hazy afterward.

Without replying to Max, Michael grabbed his phone and went to go find his shoes. Finally, without hesitation, he called Alex and held the phone to his ear as he fumbled to slide on his shoes. It rang and rang and rang and Michael was pretty sure he wasn’t going to answer, but he still grabbed his keys and went out the door.

Right before it went to voicemail, Alex answered.

“Hello?” he said. His voice was a little flat but otherwise didn’t give anything away about how he was feeling.

“Hey, how are you?” Michael wondered, stepping into his truck and pulling the door closed. He started it up and quickly put on his seatbelt.

“Fine,” Alex said. It didn’t count as an actual response because it was Alex and ‘fine’ didn’t actually mean anything. He’d said he was fine while having a panic attack in the library while trying to write an essay on some dumb book that touched on one too many heavy topics for the both of them.

“Okay, are you at your apartment? Is your roommate there?” Michael asked, backing up probably a little too fast but who cares. He didn’t hit anyone.

“I’m here, but Chris isn’t. Why?” Alex said, skepticism still lingering in his voice.

“I heard about your house,” Michael said. Alex stayed quiet. “Look, have the new people started moving in yet?”

“No,” Alex said softly, “Flint said they close tomorrow at two.”

“Okay. Next question, how do you feel about trespassing?”

Michael could feel Alex’s eyes on him as he moved about his kitchen, throwing shit together to make him something better than plain packaged ramen. He was blowing time, waiting for the sun to fall.

“We don’t actually have to,” Alex said. He was in a sweater and sweatpants and his hair was all tousled. Michael could only look at him for a few seconds at a time or he’d lose his mind over how cute he was. So, so not straight. “It’s over an hour away and illegal and we don’t have to.”

“If they haven’t sold it yet, I don’t think it’s illegal and I’m not going to google it because it’s much better if I just say it very convincingly,” Michael insisted, taking a spice bottle out of the cabinet that had the label removed and sniffing it. He coughed a few times, but it smelled like it was probably garlic powder so he threw it into the saucepan.

Ianto was rubbing against Michael’s legs, meowing away at the serious offense that he was taking due to Michael not giving him his full attention. He kept lifting his foot to stroke his back, but that was only so satisfying to a bratty little kitten.

When Michael looked at Alex, he looked like he was about to cry. His eyebrows were drawn together and his eyes were all glassy and he was all but pouting. Michael quickly moved the saucepan to another burner before turning around completely and reaching over the sink to get to Alex’s face since he was sitting at the counter. He held his face between both hands and looked him very seriously in the eye, something he’d do all the time when they were just friends before they made it weird between them.

“Hey, don’t cry, we’re going to see if there’s anything left,” Michael said, squishing his cheeks just a little bit. Alex huffed a laugh and pushed him off carefully.

“I’m not gonna cry and I’m sure as hell not gonna cry over that. My dad’s an asshole, but I should’ve expected him to do something like this,” Alex said. Michael pinched and prodded his cheeks for an extra second for emphasis until he got Alex to smile as he twisted out of his grasp. “Michael.”

“Stop looking so sad then,” Michael said, going back to cooking.

They haven’t mentioned the other day. Michael had no plans to be the one to bring it up.

“I’m fine,” Alex said, “I just hate him.”

“I’ll beat him up for you,” Michael offered before lifting the spoon to his lips. It tasted good enough.

Michael filled a bowl with slightly under-cooked noodles because Alex was fucking weird and spooned his makeshift sauce onto it. He stuck a fork into it and turned around to present it to Alex, giving him a smile. Alex was already giving him that look, the really sweet one he really only gave him out of nowhere and Michael had yet to really pinpoint what caused it.

Still, he liked being looked at like that.

“Thank you,” Alex said, accepting the plate, “You’re a good friend.”

Friend.

“No problem.”

Michael had only been to Alex’s childhood home twice and he had never been inside.

Both times were during their freshman year, while Alex was living in a dorm still and needed to go home every once in a while to get clothes or whatever. Michael had driven him and gotten to know him super well in those long car rides together and had also gotten very used to comfortable silences with him.

Now, Alex sat in the passenger seat and had his head against the window. His eyes were closed and he was so very clearly sad. Michael hated seeing him that way. He didn’t know how to fix it. Especially since this situation wasn’t something he could really fix.

“So,” Michael said, trying to lighten the mood, “How was your date?”

Alex was quiet for a moment before he huffed and tilted his head in Michael’s direction. Michael kept his eyes forward after that.

“Seriously?” Alex asked. Michael shrugged. “Now you wanna talk about it?”

“I’m not trying to have a formal talk, just making conversation. You used to tell me about your dates all the time,” Michael said. Before we started hooking up, he didn’t say.

Alex didn’t say anything for a small stretch of time before he eventually said, “It wasn’t a date, I was going to meet up with Kyle but I knew you’d freak out if we were speaking again, so I didn’t say anything.”

Michael felt a rush of emotions at that, blinking a few times as he processed it.

“As in… Valenti?”

“Yeah,” Alex confirmed. Michael couldn’t help the look of disgust that found his face. “Exactly why I didn’t tell you.”

“Nah, it’s fine, whatever, I’m not your boss,” Michael said, trying to seem like he didn’t care. There was no reason to care. Alex wasn’t his property.

“Right.”

“I was just asking.”

“And even if it was a date, it’s none of your business,” Alex said, though it had admittedly less of a bite than it sounded like he intended.

“Absolutely not.”

“Just because we’re, like, hook‒”

“Do I turn left or right up here?” Michael asked, cutting him off. He didn’t want to talk about this. They didn’t talk about it. That would fuck everything up, that would force Michael to think too hard about something he probably already thought too hard about and he just simply wasn’t interested.

Alex took a deep breath and grumbled a ‘right’.

So Michael took a right.

He drove through the middle-class neighborhood, full of white people who had pools in their backyards and fences and an HOA that would probably make Michael cringe if he looked at the rules. Without much thought, he pulled into the little park that was in the middle of the neighborhood and parked his truck. Alex looked at him with a bit of skepticism.

“If I park in the driveway, it’s gonna be kinda obvious that someone is there,” Michael pointed out.

“Okay,” Alex agreed, stepping out of the truck.

The two of them walked side-by-side in the dark, only lit by streetlights. It was entirely possible there was some kind of neighborhood watch or maybe kids coming home from a date or people taking a late-night run, someone that would see them, but Michael didn’t see anything and decided to just act normal.

“It’s up here,” Alex said, voice soft. Whether that was because of the time of night or because of the fact he was seeing his house again, Michael wasn’t sure.

“Do you have a key still?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know if it’ll work.”

“Can’t hurt to try. Besides, if they haven’t officially closed on it yet, there’s probably a key under a mat somewhere or something,” Michael said. Alex nodded.

As they got closer, Alex didn’t say a single word. They went around back through the unlocked gate and he pulled out his keys, hands shaking a bit as he went to try it. Michael put his hand on the small of his back as a silent way to show his support.

The key fit in and turned with ease.

Alex let out a soft breath as he pushed the door open, blinking as he stared inside. Michael watched his face and waited for him to make the first move. This was for Alex. Michael very specifically chose not to think about why he was willing to go so far for Alex, possibly break the law.

Alex swallowed hard and took a step inside. Michael followed suit.

He stayed quiet as Alex navigated the empty house. There were no pictures or anything furniture left, just a dishwasher and an over and an empty space where a refrigerator was meant to go. Alex dragged his fingers over the countertop and slowly walked into the living area. That was even more empty, the space looking small without anything to fill it.

“The couch that was here had, like, three bloodstains from Clay because he had nosebleeds a lot,” Alex said, gesturing to the area it once was, “I think one of the stains might’ve been mine.”

“We can make new stains,” Michael offered. Alex physically cringed, his nose scrunching up, and laughed softly.

“You’re so fucking gross,” Alex said despite the sweetness of his tone.

“I meant innocent stains, like nosebleeds,” Michael insisted, raising his hands up. Alex rolled his eyes as a smile found his face, holding out his hand.

“Come on, let me show you upstairs.”

Michael accepted his hand and let him lead the way.

The stairs were simple and the hallway was small, jutting out in two different directions from the top of the staircase. It was all only lit by the moon and street lights shining through the window at the end of the hall. Alex tugged on his hand, pulling him to the left that led to two doors. He opened one without hesitation, tugging Michael inside.

The walls were painted an off-white color and the carpet was beige, perfectly standard. Nothing stood out except for the way Alex was holding his breath. Michael squeezed his hand and stepped closer.

“This was your room?” Michael asked. Alex swallowed and nodded, looking in Michael’s direction. Alex looked over his face before they locked eyes, taking a moment to just stare. He looked pretty like this. “Tell me what it looked like.”

“Okay, so,” Alex whispered, still not letting go of his hand as he took him to the far corner, “This is where my desk was. I wrote all my cringey poetry there. Had my first kiss while sitting there.”

“You did? That’s so cute,” Michael cooed, imagining a flustered, teenage Alex after getting his first kiss against his desk.

He knew Alex was actually upset when he didn’t shove him or tell him to shut up. Instead, he just pulled him to another space.

“My dresser was here. I hid shit in my folded pants to try to keep them from my dad,” Alex said, then tugged him a little further, “And my bed was here.”

“Did you do anything fun in that bed?” Michael teased. Alex didn’t bother laughing as he sat on the ground, laying down where his bed would’ve been. Michael laid beside him. “Are you okay?”

“I never wanted to come back here,” Alex whispered. Michael held his breath. “I hate my dad. I hate this place. But… he couldn’t even let me have even the shit I did want. Like, I have my mom’s guitar and, and stuff I use, but the dumb stuff.”

“I get it,” Michael said. And he did, kind of, one some level. Bouncing around and living in group homes didn’t really present the best opportunity to accumulate dumb stuff, but he cherished the shit he did have.

Alex rolled onto his side and stared at him. Michael stared back. It was completely not the time for it, but Michael wanted to kiss him. Just once, really quick. Just to see what it felt like.

The room was silent as Alex reached across to him, touching his shoulder gently and gliding his fingertips across his neck. Michael watched him closely and waited to see what he was going to do. He didn’t move as Alex touched his jaw or his hair, didn’t flinch when he traced over his ear and his nose, didn’t breathe when he touched his lips.

“Thank you for coming here with me,” Alex whispered, “ I really appreciate it.”

“No problem. What are friends for?” Michael responded. Alex’s eyes flickered between meeting his gaze and going down to another part of his face, wasting a few seconds before he parted his lips to speak again.

“That’s what we are? Just friends?” Alex clarified, “Even after‒”

“When did you want to head back?” Michael asked, really not wanting to ruin the mood by thinking about things. About specifics. About himself.

But unlike every other time he deflected, Alex snatched his hand away from him like he’d been burned. He’d physically moved back a bit and hurt was openly displayed on his face in a way he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen. Micheal was a little speechless.

“Why do you always do that?” Alex asked quietly, “Why do you never want to talk about it? Are you that ashamed of what we do? If you are, I don’t think I can do this anymore. It doesn’t feel good.”

“What? No, Alex, I’m not ashamed,” Michael insisted. And he wasn’t. Overwhelmed was a much better word. “It-It’s just new and I don’t know how to really process what I’m feeling and I don’t want to push it.”

“That’s when you’re supposed to talk. Talking keeps people on the same page and makes things easier. So talk to me. Tell me what you want, tell me boundaries, tell me something. Fucking talk to me,” Alex snapped. Michael blinked, eyes wide as he looked at him.

And for the first time probably ever, his mind went blank.

Every thought and idea he’d ever had regarding Alex Manes went flying out of his mind. He couldn’t think of anything he wanted or any boundaries or literally anything. All he could do was stare. Even as Alex visibly got upset, even as Alex sat up and put his hands behind his head and effectively shielded Michael from seeing his face.

“I’m sorry,” Michael said, the only thing that could come to his mind, and debatably the wrong thing.

Alex gripped his hair in his hands tighter.

“You don’t have to like me like that. I don’t care either way. But you not telling me what you want is going to drive me insane. If you just want to be friends or if you just want to keep hooking up, that’s fine, but fucking talk to me!”

Michael opened his mouth to find something to say, literally anything, but instead, he heard a noise.

“What was that?” he whispered. Alex furrowed his eyebrows as he lifted his head. Another sound came, like a door opening.

“Oh, I can’t believe leaving it unlocked worked!” a voice said from downstairs, the emptiness of the house carrying it to their ears. Michael and Alex shared equally panicked looks.

“Well, it is our house,” the other voice said.

“Closet,” Alex hissed and they both quickly and quietly scrambled into the closet, closing the door behind them.

It was small and definitely not a walk-in, but they were able to press on opposite sides of the tiny space and not have to worry about touching. They both stayed as silent as possible, listening to the couple downstairs. Thank fuck he didn’t park his truck in the driveway.

But then the couple wasn’t downstairs, they were running upstairs and laughing and going to the other rooms across the hall. It would’ve been cute and charming if Michael wasn’t scared he was about to get caught and arrested for trespassing. But, considering they didn’t technically own it yet, didn’t they technically count as trespassing as well?

It was hard to really see Alex because of the dark, but, if he focused, he could sort of see his silhouette. He was probably still angry at Michael. Maybe he deserved it. Seriously, how ironic was it that they were stuck in a closet? Maybe they really should talk.

However, that only held his focus for so long when the door to Alex’s bedroom opened. Michael held his breath, listening and hoping they didn’t open the closet door.

“We’re gonna put the crib here,” the woman said as she stepped into Alex’s room, “And we’re going to paint the walls something more fun than this. Like, a purple, maybe.”

Michael kept his eyes locked on Alex’s body in the dark, trying to gauge the body language he couldn’t fucking see. He tentatively reached out, but he only felt air as if Alex had pressed himself so far into the opposite wall that he was trying to become a part of it.

“It’s gonna be perfect,” the man said, a rustle of clothing following his voice, “Our own house, our own little family.”

The woman laughed and the sound of kissing filled the room, loud and happy.

“New, happy memories. Especially once the baby comes,” she said, her voice warm and content. They kissed more, laughing and touching, and, god, this was too much of an invasion of privacy.

But all Michael could think of was Alex.

It probably wasn’t the best thing to be listening to how happy these strangers would be in the house that you found so miserable. A happy, young family, no less. Even Michael felt kind of cynical and jealous about it, though he often did when he saw loving parents.

Michael carefully pushed off the wall and took a silent step forward, hoping not to make any noise as the couple kissed and distracted themselves. He touched Alex’s waist and patted his way up to his face. Alex’s lips were folded in and his cheeks were wet, his breathing dangerously controlled. It was more than a little heartbreaking.

He took a step closer, wrapping his arms around Alex as quietly and slowly as possible so Alex could do something if he didn’t want him to touch him. He’d understand if he didn’t. But Alex didn’t push him away, instead letting his face fall into the crook of Michael’s neck. Michael put his hand on the back of his head and kept his arm around him, keeping him safe. Alex’s fingers clutched his shirt.

And, at that moment, he realized that he never wanted to stop doing that. He really, sincerely, wished to stay right there forever.

“Okay, okay, we should go finish packing,” the woman said and Michael really wished they would go. He weaved his fingers into Alex’s hair and held him a little tighter.

“One more kiss,” the man said. They laughed and shared another kiss or two before they eventually left the room.

Michael held onto Alex and they stayed silent until they heard the footsteps go down the stairs and out the door. It echoed through the empty house as it closed. Only then did Alex give a small sniffle and took a heavy breath, clutching Michael tighter.

“I’ve got you,” Michael whispered, closing his eyes as he held him, “I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere.”

They stayed there until Alex stopped crying, until he got his breathing under control, and Michael held him. He took the time to let his thoughts come to him, trying not to overthink anything and just let himself feel. What did he want? What kind of relationship with Alex did he want? What felt right?

And for once that answer came easy.

“I don’t want to be just friends.”

“Oh yeah? Took you that long to come to that conclusion?”

Michael rolled his eyes and scooted closer even though there wasn’t much space to eliminate. The drive back Alex’s apartment from his old house had been utterly silent, but Alex had stayed tucked into Michael’s side as if he was meant to be right there. All it did was confirm to him even more what he wanted.

They got into his apartment and Michael didn’t want to leave him alone. Alex, thankfully, didn’t want to be left alone. He was so clearly exhausted and they had pretty much immediately crawled into bed, laying as close as possible and fully clothed. Ianto, the brat he was, had happily decided to lay against his back which had Michael pinned between the cat and Alex.

Michael never wanted to leave.

“No, I’ve known that but that’s scary,” Michael said, shrugging, “And I wasn’t sure if it was just because of the sex or not.”

“Are you sure now?” Alex asked. His eyes were still a little puffy and Michael just adored him.

“I think so,” Michael said, “I know I never want to not be holding you when you’re sad.”

Alex huffed a laugh and rolled his eyes, but he nudged his nose into Michael’s.

“I want to talk,” Michael continued, “Which is… terrifying, but I want to. ‘Cause I was kinda mad when I thought you were sleeping with other people. I want to be the only person you’re sleeping with. So, I want to talk and I want to set boundaries. I want… I want to be gross and happy like that stupid couple that broke in.”

Alex smiled slightly, his fingers slipping beneath Michael’s shirt just to rest against his bare skin.

“Okay,” Alex said, “In the morning?”

“Obviously. You need cuddles and sleep right now,” Michael insisted. Alex rolled his eyes again, but he moved forward to lay his head on Michael’s chest. It was a little strange because they’d never actually cuddled like this before.

What the hell had he been wasting all this time for?

“And in the morning,” Michael added, wrapping his arms around Alex, “I’m going to kiss the shit out of you. Like it’s gonna be the best kiss you’ve ever had. I’m gonna blow you away. If you want, I mean.”

Alex laughed, a genuine laugh that Michael hadn’t heard in far too many days. That was a good thing.

“I want it. I can’t wait.”

Neither could Michael.

#malex #malex fic #michael guerin #alex manes #roswell new mexico #my fic

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twh-news · 3 years

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"Loki" Director Kate Herron Talks The Epic Season 1 Finale And The Easter Egg Fans Should Go Back And Listen For | Buzzfeed

Warning: There are MASSIVE spoilers ahead for Season 1 of Loki!

Welp, Loki Season 1 just came to an end and I think it's safe to say that the Marvel Cinematic Universe will never be the same. Following the Season 1 finale, we sat down with director Kate Herron to talk about everything — like how it felt introducing the multiverse and Jonathan Majors to the MCU, casting this incredible ensemble cast, Loki's bisexuality, and so much more. Here's everything we learned:

1. First, Kate has always loved Loki, so she knew she wanted to be involved in the "character's next step" in some way.

"Basically, I love Loki, and I found out they were making a show about him. As a fan, I was like, 'I need to know where he's gone.' Then, I just wanted to know what the story was going to be. I loved the character. I think Tom Hiddleston's performance is amazing. I really wanted to be part of whatever this character's next step was because I think Loki's had one of the best arcs in the MCU."

2. Directing all six episodes of the first season felt like filming a six-hour movie.

"Directing all six episodes was a really unique experience, right? Because normally TV is run through the showrunner system, and Marvel didn't do that on Loki. It was incredible. It was quite an undertaking to do six hours and run it like a giant film. I'm so grateful for the opportunity, and I'm really proud of what we made."

3. When Kate signed on to Loki, only the first few scripts had been written, the "rough shape of the show" was in place, and they knew Loki would be arrested by the TVA.

"When I started, Michael [Waldron] had written the pilot. Then, there was a second episode written by Elissa [Karasik], and Bisha's [Ali] episode was written. So, there was a rough shape of the show. It was already fixed in that Loki was gonna be arrested by the TVA and then it had this twist that he was going to try and solve the mystery of who this other Loki was, but then it pivots and becomes this love story about him falling in love with himself. I just thought that was so inspired and the message that had about self-love. I just really wanted to be part of that."

4. And they always knew the show would end at The Citadel at the End of Time and the multiverse would be born.

"As we dug into it with Kevin Wright, our producer, the studio, Michael, Tom, and also our whole team, I think it was always thinking like what was the best story, in particular during the second half of the show. We always knew they were going to The Citadel, something would happen, and the multiverse would be born, but we didn't necessarily know it would come out of Loki and Sylvie fighting. That idea came out of discussions with me, the writers, and the studio."

5. It was "always the plan" to introduce Jonathan Majors to the MCU during the Loki Season 1 finale.

"I think me and the writers were just like, 'Well, they haven't told us we can't introduce that character. I guess we're doing it.' It was really exciting and I felt really honored that I got to be part of it."

6. Kate was involved with Jonathan's casting for He Who Remains/Kang alongside Peyton Reed, who will direct Ant-Man: Quantumania, and Marvel Studios.

"Being part of the casting discussion with Marvel and Peyton was amazing. It was massive. I was just like, 'Wow, I can't believe I get to be part of this conversation.' Everyone was just so excited about Jonathan. He's one of the best actors. I just couldn't believe we got him."

7. Jonathan brought a lot of "cool ideas to the table" once he was cast, and Kate gave him "space to play."

"He just brought so many cool ideas to the table. I think when you're working with an actor like Jonathan, it's really just about giving him space to play, and let him find the character and give him a cool way to do that. I really enjoyed working with him. We finished the shoot filming in The Citadel, so it was really interesting that we finished filming with Jonathan. I just felt very lucky I got to direct him."

8. Jonathan actually voiced the Time-Keepers in Episode 4, which added to the Wizard of Oz homage.

"Obviously, the Time-Keepers were being made in post, and we hadn't cast anyone [for the voices] yet, and I thought, 'Well, Wizard of Oz. Like it should be the wizard, right?' So I thought it would be cool if it was Jonathan, and I think the key thing then was just working with him in a way that we could disguise his voice. I think the fun thing was, Jonathan is an amazing character actor. So we just sent him the art and he was sending audio clips to me and Kevin Wright and being like, 'What about this voice?' It was just so much fun to do that with him. I think that was just joyful."

9. Kate's favorite Easter egg from Episode 5 was Throg — in fact, Chris Hemsworth recorded new lines and sounds for that small part.

"That one I was very proud of and it was very fun. I had that shot designed for a while. I think I'd seen it in Futurama, and a lot of animation does it, but I love the idea of going through the dirt and it reveals something. I always felt like that shot would be the place to insert an Easter egg. When we had Throg in there, it was so much fun and it was perfect. We also recorded Chris [Hemsworth] for that. It was just so much fun."

10. She also loved the Thanos Copter and said it was a "funny" detail the producers loved from the comics, so they had to include it.

"The Thanos Copter was great. Kevin Wright, our executive producer, was really obsessed with that copter, I was like, 'We have to put the helicopter,' and it was so funny. Episode 5 is our best Easter egg episode. There's so much deliberately because of the nature of The Void as a place where deleted things are sent."

11. There's one Easter egg/detail Kate hasn't seen fans catch onto yet, and it involves a "familiar" voice at the very end of the Season 1 finale.

"The one I would say is — it's less Easter egg and more cool story-wise. So, at the very end of the finale, when Loki is in this alternate TVA, there's a character that runs behind him and is going to the armory and people should listen to the voice. It's very quick, but it's someone familiar."

12. Loki was inspired by numerous iconic sci-fi movies, like Children of Men, Alien, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Metropolis, Starship Troopers, and more.

"Bisha, in the episode [she wrote], she spoke about Children of Men and also Before Sunrise as a reference, so I was really inspired by that and the idea of bringing these sci-fi things together. Across all the TVA, I wanted it to just be a big love letter to sci-fi movies, like Metropolis, Brazil, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, [and] Alien. A reference I could never talk about early was Starship Troopers just because, obviously, the TVA are bad guys and in that movie they also use a lot of propaganda film and we had our Miss Minutes film. So, that movie played a hand. There was so much across the show. We had references from everywhere."

13. And the inspiration for how The Void would look in Episode 5 actually came from Teletubbies.

"I never really spoke much about it, but basically in Episode 5, The Void was originally written like a desert, but when I pitched, I said I thought it would be cool if rather than like a Mad Max desert apocalypse, it's more like an overgrown garden. Like, this is the place where the TVA throw their rubbish in. I just loved the idea of that. I think I realized as it started to unravel that I'd basically pitched the British countryside. As we were building it, I was like, 'Am I just homesick?' I remember trying to explain it to the visual effects artists who were making it, and I was like, 'You know, it's like the Teletubbies. You know, rolling hills just one after another.' So, yeah, the Teletubbies became a useful reference when describing The Void. So, that's how they played a hand in it."

14. Kate was the one who suggested Sophia Di Martino audition for the role of Sylvie.

"Sophia was in a short film of mine called Smear. I was very happy to pay her, finally, for her talent. When we were reading for the role, I was like, 'There's this actor I know and I think we should ask if she wants to read.' Everyone was like, 'Yeah, sure.' So, she read in these audition tapes, and we were all watching the tapes back and I remember everyone at the studio was like, 'Wait, who's that?' And I was like, 'Oh, that's my friend Sophia.' They thought she was amazing."

15. Sophia's audition tape was so good that she was immediately cast.

"Basically, everyone was really excited by her tape and I think she got cast in the room, which is incredible. I was excited because I got to bring my friend along. She's such a good actor. She's fantastic in Flowers and I was just so happy that she was coming along for the ride. I think she's done such a beautiful job with Sylvie."

16. One of the most important things when crafting Sylvie and the other Loki Variants was making sure they were their own characters, and not just Loki copies.

"I think the most important thing, minus just tiny little gestures, was really making it important that Sylvie was her own character and that all the Lokis weren't just 'faded photocopies.' They were all their own Loki. It wasn't even that they stood in a similar way or looked similar, but what in their soul made them a Loki. I love that line, 'Lokis always survive.' That idea goes across all our characters who are Lokis."

17. Casting Sylvie was one of the hardest things, and Sophia was able to bring her own spin to the character and she was the perfect "sparring partner" for Tom.

"Sophia has this talent — and I think Tom has it as well — where she's so funny and naturally so witty and charismatic that you can't take your eyes off her. She's also really good at playing characters with a lot of anger, pain, and vulnerability. I just felt that those qualities were so Loki to me. She brought her own spin on it too. Tom's performance is so iconic, so Sylvie was a tough role to cast because you need to give him a good sparring partner, but also, it's another Loki and people love Loki. So, it was really making sure that she felt distinctive enough that she was different, but also that we gave Tom a really fun actor to play alongside. It was really fun watching them. It was really fun seeing their chemistry grow."

18. Sylvie's fighting style was actually crafted to have similar movements to Loki's, thus showing that they are basically two sides of the same coin.

"I know Tom and Sophia spent a lot of time together. I think the fun thing with Sophia was the little things, like the fighting styles. She has a very different life to our Loki. Loki is very balletic in his fighting style, because he grew up in the palace, whereas Sylvie grew up in apocalypses. So, she was going to fight a bit more like a feral cat. I thought that was fun to play with. We worked with Mo [Ganderton], our stunt coordinator, and it was really fun to find little mirror image stuff they would do when they fight. We did a little bit of that on Lamentis and there's little bits here and there where we've done that. There's also little gestures that they do that are quite similar."

19. Kate had a "four hour" phone call with Owen Wilson before he was cast. They talked about Marvel, Mobius, and Loki.

"Everyone was so excited to cast him. I remember, they were like, 'Kate, just call him and see if he's up for it.' That was a lot of pressure. But then, I spoke to him on the phone and we spoke about Marvel and Loki in Marvel. Also, we talked about what our show was doing, who Mobius was, and then just getting his take on it. It was a very detailed conversation. I think we spoke for like four hours. At the end, he was like, 'I'm in.'"

20. Wunmi Mosaku's role was originally supposed to be a male character, but Kate suggested having an "open casting" because she thought Hunter B-15 would be really great as a female character.

"When I spoke to the studio, I was like, 'This character is cool, but I just think it could be really interesting if this was a female character. So, could we do open casting? We'll have men and women read, and we'll just see who's the best person for the role.' So, Wunmi read for it and just blew everyone away. We were like, 'We have to cast this person!' So, we kind of remade the role, really, around her."

21. Kate loves the idea that Hunter B-15 joins this club of sci-fi female characters who were originally supposed to be men.

"It was cool because I love Ripley in Alien and I love Kara Thrace in Battlestar Galactica. In the original Battlestar, Kara Thrace's character was played by a man, and Ripley in Alien was originally written as a man, so I liked that Hunter B-15 was joining these badass women in sci-fi. That was really cool to me."

22. When Kate pitched her ideas to the studio, she include Gugu Mbatha-Raw as the actor she wanted to play Ravonna.

"Gugu was in my pitch when I spoke to the studio. I was like, 'I think she'll be really great.' I love her work as an actor. From Belle to the episode of Black Mirror she's in, everything she's in is so different. I think that's so interesting with Ravonna because in the comics, Ravonna's been good and bad, and she's such a big character. I was like, 'I'd love to see Gugu's take on that character.' The studio was really excited by that and so was Gugu."

23. Kate said it was "important" to recognize Loki's bisexuality in the show, and she loved how it was naturally worked into a conversation between him and Sylvie.

"It was just important for us to do it in a way that made it canon, acknowledged it, and also done in a way where like, if someone asked me, I would just be matter of fact about it, like, 'Yeah, I'm bi.' I think that was the important thing for it and building it into the conversation. It was important to the whole team and the way that it was written was really beautiful. It felt like the right place to do it because these two characters are starting to open up to each other and are being a bit more honest about who they are. So it felt like the right place to have that moment."

24. The TVA weren't always going to be Variants/humans. That idea was born out of conversations with Kate, the writers, and the rest of the Loki team.

"When I started, I think it was a bit more up in the air with like, who are the Variants who work for the TVA? Are they Variants? They actually weren't Variants when I first joined. Casey was an alien, for example. I think something we all locked onto was it was more effective to make them more human. It was already in there that the Time-Keepers wouldn't be real and that would be a big Wizard of Oz rug pull. But the extra rug pull we added was that, on top of all of that, the TVA don't realize that they're actually Variants."

25. One of the things Kate enjoyed the most was figuring out the "inner workings of the TVA," like how the Minutemen would operate.

"I think it was really fun, in terms of the bigger structural stuff, to work with everyone. Also, figuring out the inner workings of the TVA, like every squad of Minutemen would have a hunter and they'll be little details sprinkled across all the world building in the show. Generally, we always looked at the characters and what was the best story and how to get to the end goal in the most effective way."

26. The season finale intro — which included seeing space, the sacred timeline, and hearing quotes from the MCU and history — was an homage to Contact.

"Basically, Eric Martin, our writer, he'd written in this amazing idea that for the opening we do an homage to Contact, and kind of move through space to the end of time. Then, we'd see the physical timeline, and then we see The Citadel. I love Contact, and I was like, 'Oh, that's so cool.' We took that idea to Darrin [Denlinger], our storyboard artist, and me and him just nerded out about space and about how we wanted to pay homage to Contact but not be completely the same.

So we played with the idea of time and he was bringing in so many cool ideas. But then, the amazing pitch he had as well was like, 'What if when we pull out at the very end, the timeline isn't a straight line like how you guys have been showing it in the show? What if it's actually circular?' I thought it was such a good idea."

27. Kevin Feige helped come up with the idea to include Marvel quotes over the Marvel logo because it was something the MCU had never done before.

"I had this weird idea where I remember saying to my editor, Emma McCleave, I was like, 'Oh, can we add a baby crying or the sounds of the city? And it's like we just hear life.' So her, me, and Kevin Wright got really into that. So we were adding all of these different sounds into the timeline. We also had quotes from just life, not Marvel. Then, we showed that cut to Kevin Feige and the rest of the team.

They all thought it was cool, and then Kevin Feige was like, 'Oh, do you know what? We've never done quotes on the Marvel logo before.' So, we thought that was cool and we added the quotes to the Marvel logo intro. Then, me, Kevin Wright, Emma, and Sarah Bennett, Emma's assistant, decided to just put the MCU quotes across the whole thing."

28. Going from hearing all of the voices in the season finale opening to utter silence in The Citadel was also a way of learning something about He Who Remains.

"I loved the idea of all the noise and this Greek chorus building because when you finally pull out and see The Citadel and how isolated it is, it tells you so much about He Who Remains' psychology because he's surrounded by all this brimming life, but he's completely isolated and alone. I thought it tells you a little bit about his character and who he might be before we see him."29. Kate loves that the season finale opening is a "beautiful handover" from the previous phase of the Marvel Cinematic Universe into this one with the multiverse.

"It was a real group effort, and we were just really excited at the idea of it being this really beautiful handover from the previous phase of Marvel. Also, we get to encapsulate a little bit of our world as well, which was really fun. The editing team put so much time into that. I really want to watch it in a planetarium or something."

29. Kate loves that the season finale opening is a "beautiful handover" from the previous phase of the Marvel Cinematic Universe into this one with the multiverse.

30. And finally, even though Loki sets up a lot of upcoming MCU projects — namely, Spider-Man: No Way Home, Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, and Ant-Man: Quantumania — Kate didn't have a lot of conversations with other MCU directors and writers.

"Kevin Wright and Stephen Broussard from Marvel were our producers on Loki, and they worked with Kevin Feige, Louis [D'Esposito], and Victoria [Alonso]. They always steered us in terms of the Marvel big picture and let us know if anything was off base. It's so secretive at Marvel, so I only spoke to Peyton just because our timelines crossed [with Jonathan]. Generally, Marvel manages everything internally and keeps us all in check."

#loki #loki series #kate herron #interview #article #buzzfeed #loki spoilers #spoilers #loki series spoilers

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goldemas1244 · 3 years

Note

Heyyyy I have a question :3

Do you have any headcanon/s for these character : Scraptrap, Scrap Baby, Lady Dimistrecu, the three daughter of Lady D, Heisenberg and/or Molten Freddy ? :3

You don't have to do all the proposition, you can choose what character you want to do :3

Have a good day/evening and stay safe ! :3

*Cracks knuckles* \(^v^)/

You already know I'm doing all of them! Thank you for the ask! Headcanons under the cut!

FNaF6

Scraptrap

He loves rice and would do anything to get his paws on it. Fortunately, the pizzeria is quite close to a Chinese restaurant so rice is easy to get.

He orders a rice-based menu at least three times a week, so the owners aren't at all that surprised to see a tuxedo-clad zombie-rabbit come in and ask for their signature fried rice with buttered lobster on the side.

Since he like to dine-in there, he usually asks Michael to give him a bath in exchange for pizzeria improvements. Michael usually shrugs and gives him a well-deserved bubble bath and his tuxedo.

He likes it when Michael gives him head pats and rubs. It makes him feel loved and appreciated.

He has a pet pigeon named Fernando Buschmann. It's German and likes to listen to the violin.

He likes ASMR and memes. ASMR makes him go feral with murderous intent while memes make him question the modern generation.

He has social media accounts, all named "Willton-Moldover". He usually posts cosplays and furry art on them and has 93 followers on his Reddit profile, 1.5 million followers on his Instagram, 550 followers on his Tumblr, 35 on his Snapchat, and 3.95 million on his TikTok.

He also has a YouTube channel with 10.784 million subscribers called "Willton-Gameover". He plays videogames one-handed and roasts popular YouTubers and famous people. He would never roast Keanu Reeves though, because Keanu Reeves is precious bean.

Due to his popularity he gets a lot of hate mail and private pics. He doesn't like them at all so he blackmails the people who post them. And if the media and police are involved? Well, he has a strong fanbase that's not going down as well as a good alibi so that works out well for him.

Yes, his fanbase also knows of the Fazbear Murders, and he admits to it but frankly, he's shown them the approving ghost kids (who've bonded and gamed with him) so that's no big deal. Only Cassidy hates him, but it's usually constipated anger.

He's bisexual and has an ENORMOUS crush on one of his favourite game characters, Karl Heisenberg. Something about that man reminds him of himself and Henry, although he's not sure what. Still, don't let that distract you from the fact that he owns a nude Karl Heisenberg body pillow, CAPCOM official.

Scrap Baby

Her favourite Monster High doll is Draculaura. She doesn't understand how pink goes well with black but oh boy, pink goes so well with black.

She knows how to skateboard like a pro. Despite her weight, her trusty skateboard still stands and, if she falls, she's always got her skates to spare. She likes to impress the boys at the skatepark with her ability to perform even the most difficult of moves with ease.

She's subscribed to fifteen different tabloid subscriptions. She likes to read them and criticize the stupidity of the human race, like her father. Hey, it's hereditary.

The lights in her boobies glow in the dark. They also glow whenever she gets tired.

She likes reading furniture and gardening catalogues. She's judgy of the prices though and usually becomes a full-on critic with Lefty listening.

She owns a crab named Mr. Tootie. No I will not elaborate on the name. I'll only tell you that it's taken a liking to kazoos and party favours.

She's listed as the No. 1 Best Fan of her father's social media accounts. Michael's in nineteenth place but don't worry, he's as emotionless as a mushroom.

She likes to make origami lotuses. She's such a pro at it that she's even got a mini-stall at the pizzeria: 1 lotus for 50 cents. It's a lucrative business, and it's still growing. Oh, and she switches to other origami works of art every week such as origami guns and origami nine-tailed foxes.

She's the Restaurant Rescue manager. Usually she saves kids from trouble. For this reason, yes, she's commonly seen in the pizzeria itself. Kids love her though the claw worries the more irksome parents.

She's a professional Karen dealer. Karen comes to see the manager? She's hypnotically talented in weaving her words through the toughest of craniums so don't be surprised if a Karen walks out with a new viewpoint of life.

She performs on stage on the occasion, which usually gets her a lot of fan love. She cherishes everything good they give but ignores the problematic everythings. Problematic stuff? Oh, she's good friends with the police chief.

Molten Freddy

He loves noodles. Give him a bowl of ramen and he'll shut up for the entire night. Enter him in a noodle-eating competition and his high metabolism rate means absolutely non-stop spaghetti.

He misses Bon-Bon very much. To the point where he's even tried to make a scrap version of him. Sadly, it doesn't work. He cried that day.

He dies inside whenever he finds out there's a spaghetti shortage in Utah. Poor Molten.

He's a bit wonky, but if he tries to play with you or get into your personal space, don't get mad at him! He's just lonely and wants someone to talk to and play with.

He likes to play Exploding Kittens. It's the only card game he's good at. It's also the only card game he owns.

He sees Helpy as a little brother and boops his nose on a daily basis. He also likes to reenact The Lion King with him (It's the ciiiiiircle of liiiiiife~). Hopefully Helpy doesn't mind.

He knows a lot of jokes in a lot of languages. So German-speaking Molten Freddy wouldn't be too far away from expectation. His favourite jokes are in French though; the wordplay is just immaculate.

He's good in French, English, German, Russian, and Malay. He's currently learning Japanese because he's a mega weeb.

His favourite cartoon is Charlie and Lola. He just likes to see the sibling shenanigans as it somehow reminds him of the good old days.

His favourite shows would be prankster shows. He especially loves the ones that give him new and creative ideas. He doesn't like the scary ones though. They make him feel unsafe and give him anxiety.

Surprisingly, he has a distinct taste for opera. He can modulate the remnants of his voice box to perfectly sing I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major-General. This both pisses off and impresses Henry to an extent.

Resident Evil 8

Lady Dimitrescu

She might act like the opposite but she really loves Heisenberg as her little brother. His determination, strength, speed, dexterity, and workaholic nature impresses her, who can't even fit through a doorway. She sometimes wishes she's as short as him too.

She's an avid collector of glass, porcelain, and anything fragile. It's a good reason to always be careful where you tread in her lair. She'll make you swallow every last shard if you don't.

She's an avid romance fanatic and is very loving towards the romance novels she owns. All those books you see in the in-game library? They're her collection of lesbian romances that she's collected over the past decades.

She doesn't like hats and prefers to stick to the one she wears in-game. She DOES have a collection of hats though. Last anyone counted, there were over fifty, one or two for each decade she's lived through.

She files her nails on a constant basis and owns an ornately decorated nail-clipper. Hygeine is of the utmost importance. She doesn't want to be compared to that filthy Heisenberg.

Despite her size and carefulness she keeps losing her stuff. Over the course of a week she could misplace three wine glasses, two reading glasses, and fifteen bottles of wine.

She's an expert at dodgeball and golf and even owns a lifetime access to the most prolific Country Club in Romania. With permission from Mother Miranda she goes there every year for the yearly party. It's one of the times she gets to see modernity (and Ed Sheeran) at its finest.

She loves bands from the 1920s and 1940s. However, she gets bored of them occasionally and switches them to something more modern, like Ed Sheeran. Seriously though, what is up with mums and Ed?

She's into executions and torture methods. So it's no surprise that she's a HUGE fan of Horrible Histories; even if she can't watch the show, she'll binge-read the books over and over again. She's even had the chance to encounter (and receive an autograph from) Terry Deary. They have sworn a bond not to tell anybody about this.

She loves exotic animals like anacondas and jaguars. She may or may not have owned a 10ft long Saltwater Crocodile (which was also about 5ft wide).

She's an incredible physicist and mathematician. She's also created many original formulae but unsurprisingly, she doesn't tell anyone about them, for fear that either more people may know of her, or that she may be wrong.

Dimitrescu Babes

They can devour an entire human being in mere seconds as flies. It's sort of like the scarab beetles in The Mummy movies. However, unlike the beetles, they are able to strip the bones as well. They leave nothing behind.

They all know how to play the piano with varying levels of success. Daniela can already play professionally while Bela is still stuck on Grade 5.

They love to listen to their mother when she tells them stories. Gotta hand it to 'em, when you're a fly, you know how to enjoy life in its most simple of moments.

They all love being around the hunky Soldats of Uncle Karl. Fortunately, they don't know of the rebellious plan to conquer Miranda.

Bela is bisexual, Cassandra is asexual and pansexual, and Daniela is demisexual.

It gets hard when you're a fly during the summer. If it's not the lizards, spiders, and other predators, it's the heat. Because of this, despite the material waste, they have invented the world's first blood-powered air conditioner.

The three girls have never ever ever touched a stove or oven in their life. They HAVE touched the hot end of an iron though. A good reason to not touch a bloody oven. Alcina has though, but doesn't tell them that.

They love puppies! Uncle Karl brought them a baby labrador. For the rest of the week Alcina had lost quite a bit of favour from them. Not that they minded of course. IT'S A PUPPY.

They don't like snow one bit. Not just because it's cold, but because it's too white. Too bright. Too shiny. They just can't focus on their prey!

They like to go over to Auntie Donna to play with Angie. Well, you know what they say, crazies attract the crazies, and the crazy has attracted the crazies.

They also like to go to Uncle Moreau's because he's the only one in the village with a PS4. Usually they'd spend about three-quarters of a day playing his games and eating his cheese.

Karl Heisenberg

He owns a dark blue armchair named Junkyard. Despite the name, he loves it dearly because it was a gift from Alcina for his twenty-first birthday. It became part of his final transformation too. Right under the hat.

He's a little blind in the right eye, much to his annoyance. It was a minor accident with Sturm; another reason for him to hate the uncontrollable wretch. He'll never live that day down.

Somehow, he sees better in the dark, which is why he wears such tinted glasses. He also wears them to hide his expressions, since, more often than not, he tends to end up wearing his heart on his sleeve, and his emotions in his eyes.

He's under a lot of pressure so it's no surprise that he breaks down in his factory when he knows he's alone. And by break down I mean crumple into an exhausted heap on the floor. Not even his Soldat Jet squad can wake him up until he's had a reasonable eight hours of rest.

He bathes once a day, every evening, but only three times a week. Perfume, tobacco, and cologne keep care of the rest.

He's the only Lord with a daily contact with the outside world due to his electrical abilities. Don't tell Miranda, but he can electrically CONNECT TO GOOGLE AND THE ENTIRE INTERNET IN GENERAL. He likes to play funny YouTube cat videos in his head when Miranda's having a boring meeting. It's also how he finds out that Chris is a boulder-punching asshole.

He does stimming! He likes to tap his fingers on his desk and the metal rails in his factory. He also buys stim toys from the Duke and keeps them in a well-kept box. His favourite is a non-ripping squishable toy duck. He also sings to chill out.

He's absolutely in the Five Nights at Freddy's franchise, and may have once believed in the pizzeria's existence. Come on, he's a mutated Overlord with magical magnet powers. Children souls stuck inside animatronics isn't too far-fetched of an idea. His favourite characters are the Funtimes and the Scraps, mainly because of the blueprint complexity. He HAS tried to replicate the animatronics in his spare time, but he's usually too busy with his Soldats so the project gets scrapped. He loves The Living Tombstone's songs and remixes though.

He doesn't like William Afton at all (though he marvels at his survivability). William's nature and habits remind him of Mother Miranda. He DOES however enjoy Michael Afton and often thinks how it would be absolutely amazing to have that resilient being in his Soldat army.

He's scared of what lurks below the watery depths and fire. Ironic because his brother is a literal fish and he works in one of the most hazardous fire-conducting environments. He's also scared of heights, though he doesn't get airsick.

He once died due to a killing electric shock whilst working on Sturm. It's the only time he's felt that sort of pulsing agony and also the first time he's had the confirmation that yes, Hell is real and yes, he'll end up in quite a dark pit in it. Or it could've been an electric dream, who knows? Anyways his soul apparently ran towards the opposite direction of the flames and he woke up alive after the passing of FIVE ENTIRE WEEKS. Oh boy did Alcina get worried when she couldn't find him.

Thank you for the ask! I hope you enjoy!

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lokiondisneyplus · 3 years

Text

Director Kate Herron calls from her childhood bedroom. She's staying at her parents' home in Southeast London for the summer, having spent the past year apart due to the pandemic and directing her latest series, Marvel's Loki. "It's so surreal seeing the show go out," she says over Zoom, "and being in the room that I was last in as a teenager."

Loki's first three episodes have seen the God of Mischief (Tom Hiddleston) team up with Agent Mobius (Owen Wilson) and the all-powerful Time Variance Authority to track down a fugitive Variant of himself: A female Loki that goes by Sylvie (Sophia Di Martino) who's set on blowing up the Sacred Timeline and, with it, the MCU as we know it.

"My dad, bless him, he was never into Marvel before, but now he's obsessed with it," she says. "When I got the job, he started watching his way through the films, and he's got all these different YouTubers that he now watches for theories, and he tries to get spoilers out of me. He's like, 'What does it mean?!' and I'm like, 'Dad, I can't tell you!' It's very sweet, but very funny."

Now, with three episodes left of the season, she's bracing for their first family viewing experience. "I might not be able to, though. I might be like, 'You have to watch it by yourselves and then we can talk!'" she laughs. "Wait to hear the Loki theme and be like, 'Oh, I can go downstairs now.'"

In the meantime, Herron fielded all of ET's midseason questions about making Loki's bisexuality canon in the MCU, flexing more of his magic than ever before and why Sylvie isn't really Lady Loki or the Enchantress.

We are halfway through the season. Outside your parents, how has the reaction felt so far?

It's been amazing. We had these big ideas in it -- like, about free will and good and evil -- and wanting to [know that] if we're going back in with Loki because he's so beloved, that it's going to be a good story for that character, but some fresh terrain. I think the response has been pretty joyous and it's just so fun seeing what people are liking, what people's theories are. I couldn't be more happy, to be honest.

Being someone who appears pretty online and active on social media, how deep are you going into reading what people say and diving into those theories and all that?

I definitely read a lot of them -- I don't comment on them -- but I used to love Lost and Game of Thrones, and I was on Reddit, commenting, like, "Ooh, maybe it means this or means this," and I think that's the fun thing with our show, right? Our fans are so smart and it's fun seeing what they're getting right and what's not right but is very interesting. The Easter eggs they dig up are always amazing to me. Some of them we put in there, and I'm like, "Well, let's see..." and I'm like, "Oh, they found it!" So, it's really fun tracking it online. It's very weird directing something where you know every frame will be [screen]grabbed by some fans because they're looking for stuff.

I loved your tweet about why it was important for you to confirm that Loki is bisexual in the show. Not really reveal -- because he's bisexual in the comics -- but make that canon. Talk to me about having those conversations with Marvel.

I think it was something very important to everyone. And I felt like, OK, how can we acknowledge this? We have aspects of the story that are there, so how do we build this into the story so it feels earned in the moment? I didn't want it to feel like we were just wedging something in, but we had this beautiful scene where these two characters are being really raw and really honest about who they are, and I was like, "Well, it is a part of who he is and who they are." For me, talking with Michael [Waldron] and Bisha [K. Ali], it just felt like it was the right moment for that line. This episode is really beautiful for me, because it's these two characters getting to know each other, so in that sense, it felt like the right place for that conversation to happen. And I thought it was done really beautifully by the writers.

Obviously, like I've said, it's very personal to me, and I said it was a small step in some ways -- because obviously, he's just talking about it -- but in the bigger scale of things, I'm like, oh no, it's massive actually. If I saw that when I was 10, it would be really big for me. It's been really nice getting comments from people online. Some people were like, "It helped me actually talk about how I feel to my family and helped me come out." And I thought, "Well, if it helped one person do that, then it's worth it."

This is the MCU's first lead character who is openly queer. Did you know that? Were you aware of how big a milestone this would be?

Yeah. Well, in some senses, yes, and in some senses you're never sure, right? Because [Marvel is] so secretive about all their other projects. [Laughs] For me, I was like, I'm telling Loki's story, it's a part of who they are and I just want to acknowledge it. It's canon in the comics and if we can make it canon in the films, that would be amazing. When I came on board, I was like, if there's a way to do this, it would mean a lot to me and, I'm sure, a lot of people. But it was very welcomed, and I think we're all very proud of how we did that.

This may be getting into spoiler territory that you aren't able to talk about, but acknowledging one's sexuality is one important part of representation, seeing it play out through relationships is another. Can we expect to see any further exploration of what it means for Loki to be bisexual in this show?

I'm trying to think how to answer your question. [Laughs] I would say in our story, this is how we acknowledge it. But I hope that that paves the way for deeper exploration.

We're halfway through the season. What were your biggest goals in these first three episodes?

I think the biggest one was obviously, the Loki we're with in this story is on a completely different path, so it was tracking his character in the sense that he basically sees this amazing arc that the other Loki had gone on across the MCU movies, he sees that he reconciles with his brother, but that wasn't him in that moment. He's watching a different version of himself. But seeing that moment and seeing that he has room for growth and change is really interesting with our Loki, because he's in a very different headspace. So, it was tracking, what's familiar about this character from the Loki that we've seen over the last 10 years go from villain to antihero? And what is going to be completely different and completely different sides to this character that we get to now dig our teeth into? That was something really important to me and to Tom and the writing team, and it was really fun unpacking that and what his identity means.

The other challenges, honestly, were just setting up the TVA, because it's outside of time and space and giving that a grounding and a reality and making that feel like a whole new exciting corner of the MCU. That was a big responsibility, and I was really excited by that. And then you have the bigger arc of the story, but you also knowing it's going out weekly on TV. So, how are we going to track this week by week. Where are we leaving the characters and what are we leaving for the audience? Something we always thought about was we knew there'd be discussion week to week, so it was like, "Where are we going to give them certain bits of information across the show?" We wanted to provoke conversation and discussion about even just things like free will, you know?

I will say about the TVA, I'm basically a human Miss Minutes stan account. I think she's the baddest bitch in the MCU. I watch every Miss Minutes fancam that pops up on my Twitter feed.

She's incredible! What I love about it is that she's in our first episode and she actually used to come out of the presentation that Loki watches -- she came out on the screen -- but it was too crazy. We were like, "OK, we can't do that in the first episode. We'll do it in the second episode!" But what I love about her is that we're seeing the TVA through Loki's eyes and it's, like, the status quo, right? And if our status quo is a Southern-talking, Roger Rabbit-style clock, the show is going to probably get quite weird. I think that's what I love about her. And obviously, Tara [Strong] is awesome. Yeah, Miss Minutes is a lot of fun.

You talked about exploring who Loki is and could be. He's always had an arsenal of powers, but in this series, you really get to explore and define what his power set is. What were those conversations like?

That was something else, coming in, I was so excited about. We have six hours of him, let's see some more magic. Because across the comics, he's super powerful, and for example, in the last episode, that's what was so exciting to me about that, the oner at the end of episode 3 was that I've seen a lot of oners but I haven't seen one with magic. So, I was like, let's put loads of magic in there! We get Loki using his telekinesis and his magic blasts and then also Sylvie, as well, and her powers.

For me, it was exciting getting to bring those in in a way that pushed the story forwards. Because I get it, when he first lands in the TVA, they can't use magic, so I know if I was watching, I'd be like, "What? No magic?!" But I think that's the fun thing is, we still have three episodes to go and also it was fun to put him on Lamentis and see him using his powers in different ways. It was definitely something important to me and the team, was to get to show a little bit more of him. But across the films, you can only do so much. Now we have six hours, so it felt like, of course we have to delve into that more.

I don't know if you saw this on Twitter, one of my favorite reactions to episode 3 was someone tweeted a screenshot of Sylvie screaming and her hands glowing and wrote, "she did the meme!!"

[Laughs] That's great!

We've now officially met Sylvie, and we're starting to piece together that this may be sort of a hybrid character of Lady Loki and Sylvie Lushton, the Enchantress. Are you able to confirm that you pulled from both to create your Sylvie? Or is that something that's to be further revealed?

I would say there's more to be delved into. One thing I would say is, like, she's different to the comics. Like, she's a unique character, but obviously, there's things that have been pulled from. I think for her character, she's on the run and she's called Sylvie and she's dyed her hair. The blonde that we associate with Sylvie is played in that sense, but it makes sense for her character within our story. But I would say deeper than that, yeah, there's more to be revealed about her character to comes.

The main thing I would say is: Lady Loki in the comics is a very different character to our character, obviously. I love that character and I think she's got a very different journey. But our Sylvie is a female Loki, in that sense -- because in episode 1 and 2, they know it's a Loki they're tracking -- but I think that's part of the discussion. It's almost like Loki -- as in Tom Loki -- he's like, "Wait, how much of my life have you got? Who are you?" And I think that's the real question is, who is she? So, we will discuss that as the show goes on. Why does she not like being called Loki? What's her past? Where did she come from?

Tom and Sophia have such great chemistry, but how challenging was it for you and Michael and Sophia and the writers to create a character that essentially has to match up with our Loki, who's had however many films to become the fan-favorite character that he is?

It starts in the writing. Because she's a unique creation, and that was exciting and I was intrigued where they were pulling from with the comics. I was like, OK, that's cool. Beyond that, I think it's casting it. Sophia is an incredible actor. I've worked with her before. She has this fire in her and she brings this amazing vulnerability to all her characters, but she's also, like, so funny. It's just, so many of these things she always brings, I was like, they're so Loki. So, I was like, "We've got to get her to read!" And we were just all blown away by her read of it.

She definitely can hold her own. That's the other thing, as well. I know her, and I was like, she will hold her own. I know she will. Because she's going against Tom's Loki and that's such the fun thing about them. Even just on the train, where it's the end of the world and Loki's solution is, "I'm going to have a party and I'm going to have a drink. I'm going to have a lovely time." And her solution is, "I'm not going to have a glass of champagne, thanks. I'm going to focus on the mission of getting off the moon." Those little differences is what's quite fun about them to me. How are they different, and how are they the same?

Was there something you got to do as a director in these first three episodes that you had never done before that you were especially excited or nervous or both to tackle?

I suppose so much of the show, right? Because I've done a lot of drama and a lot of comedy, but they were like, "Here you go! Here's the reins to this massive, genre-driven piece where you have to set up a new corner of the MCU and you're going to have this beloved character." There was a lot to carry. But I'd say in terms of something I was excited about, only because Kevin Feige was teasing me, when we filmed the big oner at the end of episode 3, I was really inspired in the writing, because it sounded like you were really with the characters. I love doing long takes anyway and I remember thinking, "Oh man, this sequence feels like the one that we should do as this oner," because I want the audience to feel like they're with Sylvie and Loki in this moment, and it's also a moment where you finally start to see an apocalypse and it feels more real, because you're seeing the horror and the terror that's going along with that.

For me, that was exciting, but the really cheesy bit that made me so excited is they had these foam rocks that fell on people, but it felt like real movie magic to me. I was so obsessed with the rocks. I was like, "Oh my god. This is like real, big Hollywood filmmaking." And I remember Kevin Feige was like, "You can take a rock home, if you want," and I was like, "Oh my god!" So I have this rock. It's in bubble wrap now, and I'm going to unpack it when I move into my place. But that's probably honestly the most excited I've ever been. [Laughs] I was just so excited by the rocks. Oh, and also, I remember when we were at Roxxcart and Tom gets thrown into those robo dogs, I was obsessed with the robo dogs. He was like, "I think this is the happiest I've ever seen you." So, those are my favorite moments on set. The foam rocks and the robo dogs.

Somebody's going to come into your flat in the future and there's going to be a shelf with just a rock and a robotic dog on it.

Mhmm! And I'll be like, "Yeah, guys, I did something." [Laughs] They'll be like, "What is this...?" But the foam rocks are genuinely amazing, because they look like real, heavy rocks, but they're so light. I was so fascinated with them. I was so excited. I made a lot of low budget stuff before this, so it was a big deal to me.

My favorite part of the first three episodes is the Kate Berlant cameo. How did that come to be?

Basically, I love comedy and my producer, Kevin Wright, does as well, and we were trying to think of people that could be fun. We've got Josh [Fadem] in episode 1, and that was a miracle. I just spoke to her about the part and was like, "This is a very small role, but if you're interested, you're very talented and you're so funny." And she was like, "You know what? That sounds really fun. Renaissance faire? Yeah, I'll come do it." So, it was very kind of her to come down and do that for us. She's so funny, man. She's so funny.

Do you let her riff at all?

We did. We have a lot of alts and a lot of very extended bits of her talking to the Minutemen. I think there's one where she talks about a bird show at the faire. She's so funny. I was very flattered and grateful that she did that for us.

I'm going to start the #ReleaseTheKateBerlantCut campaign. I want a whole episode of her alts. Or she can be the new Stan Lee and cameo in every MCU project. Before I let you go, if you had to choose one word to tease these upcoming three episodes, what is that word?

Hmm. I thought of one word, but then I'm like, it's spoiler-y, so I can't say that. [Laughs] Oh, one word. Exciting? I have to say "exciting," because I can't say the other one I wanted to say!

#Kate Herron #Loki #interview

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nahimjustfeelingit-writes · 2 years

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I enjoy all your writing so any Erik works for me but I’m craving the new demon Erik 😍. But I have to keep it real about this Michael/Lori situationship cause that’s what it is. When they got together it was right on time because Lori just got on probation maybe a week prior in November, then we see her with him at the airport. Plus a gay guy came out in late summer saying him & Michael“shared a moment”. Plus look at HIS body language when the REAL paparazzi or when someone in the crew takes the pics. He’s always walking ahead of her like he’s trying to get away (google St. Barts pics where he posted in his story of him staying in an Air Bnb). Or look up the airport pics in December at the airport where he walked way behind her & waited for her to get in the car as he waved to the paparazzi (don’t most couples walk TOGETHER) . He also looked annoyed standing there when they were waiting for a boat & she was wearing a white dress. There’s pics of them on a boat but they’re far away from each other along with sitting across from each other. They always got professional cameras around to capture moments but when the real paps show up there’s no love. He never takes out his phone to secretly record her it’s the other way around & he be looking pissed about that before he finally smiles. Plus I think she was doing all these couple pics to make Future jealous & was low key bothered when he dissed her cause if she wasn’t she wouldn’t have posted Michael every 5min & went on all these dates to make herself feel better. Let’s be real Future got with Dess before Lori got with Michael & if Steve wouldn’t have been throwing shade at Future he wouldn’t have said anything cause he was quiet & minding his business (not a future fan). There’s no love in this “relationship” & them kissing proves it cause who always records & looks dead in the camera when they kiss someone? And he kind of hesitated for a moment. Also He didn’t even hug her back after his speech when she kissed him & he stood away as well. And look at Steve’s body language, he didn’t look at Michael when Michael was talking, Steve looked annoyed but claims he “can’t find anything wrong with him”. Michael showed more love to his ex Bei Smith (steelo’s cousin)on her birthday & to his female costars than Lori & she shows more love to women than him because I think she’s low key bisexual (nothing wrong with that). Plus as pretty as Lori is she doesn’t look happy & watching her interviews you can tell she’s faking a lot of this (I believe her mom controls her). As sad as it is she likes men who excite her & spend on her which explains Future, Diddy & Trey Songs. Michael’s cheap as hell & boring! I also don’t believe his family supports this cause he took pics with her family but she didn’t take none with his at her party. No mother wants their son with a girl like Lori & when Michael does decide to settle down it won’t be with a girl like Lori. Men like Michael deep down don’t like women with reputations. I think if he needed so badly to get the gay rumors off his back he should’ve got with someone on his level or a beautiful unknown stranger. This situationship has hurt his reputation in Hollywood cause no respectable actor publicly claimed someone like Lori & now his image is forever tied to her & deep down he knows it. He’ll still get work of course but he’ll always be looked at as the guy who claimed a hoe. I know this is long but people need to pay close attention to body language (and if able to peoples energy) & not what these celebrities post cause a lot of it is lies & these 2 ain’t no different. Hopefully after this is over he takes time to reflect, build his relationships back with friends, family & whoever else & focuses on being a better actor instead of being popular cause his competitors are destroying him. Happy Halloween.

This needs to be dissected piece by piece because this is some juicy shit! 😂 y’all know I love me some tea!!! Happy Halloween babe 🔪🩸🎃 .

#tea talks #nahimjustfeelingit-writes

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oldfritz · 3 years

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I'm genuinely curious and don't want to start something! Just wanted to ask what you make of the 'Old Fritz might've been asexual' take, I don't know much about him and I feel you're one of the best people to ask esp since you lean towards 'he was probably queer in some way' too

Hey there! So, first off, don’t ever worry about me interpreting you asking me a question as starting something. As much as I love making dumb jokes about the guy, I love nothing more than doing this kind of stuff and defending or explaining my points. There’s two degrees I want to get over the next decade: first my JD and then my MA in Prussian history. I live for this stuff! Always have! Second off, I’m very sorry for not getting to this sooner. Things have been incredibly stressful for me for a variety of different reasons which have made answering your question, until now, rather difficult. Putting this under a cut because, holy shit, it got long!

My personal reasoning for why I think he’s bi (which, correct me if I’m wrong, I’m assuming is what you meant instead of ace and could be a different post entirely since some historians have tried to argue that) stems more to do with some of my lingering questions about the nature of his relationships with certain woman, rather than that of his relationships with men. To me and my modern, queer eye, Fritz’s relationships with men like Hans Hermann von Katte, Francisco Algarotti, Michael Gabriel Fredersdorf, and (much to my personal vexation) one Monsieur Voltaire are either outright homosexual/homoerotic in nature or very, very easily lend themselves to that interpretation rather than strictly romantic friendships (which Wikipedia does a fairly good overview of and, if you’re coming to me from AmRev perspective, uses Hamilton and Laurens’ relationship as a familiar example). While I’m avoiding those relationships in this ask, I’d be more than happy to elaborate upon one/all of them in a different one.

Before I go into the big pauses that Fritz’s relationships with Madame von Wreech and Countess Orzelska give me, I want to deny the use of Fritz’s wife as an example of Fritz’s attraction to woman. While this, admittedly, may sound odd, we have ample evidence of how turned off and repulsed Fritz found Elisabeth Christine. Before he had even met her, Fritz was complaining about how she was ‘not very pretty, speaks but little, and acts like a blockhead’ (Asprey, 87) and, later, admitted to Grumbkow his plan to ‘keep my word,...get married, but afterwards it will be a case of that is that, and goodbye, Madame, and fare thee well’ (Jones, 52). For Christ’s sake, the man pitied her knowing how his treatment would leave her as ‘one more unhappy princess in the world’! Which is little consolation when you remember he also referred to her with such romantic terms as ‘this unpleasant creature,’ ‘the abominable object of my desires,’ ‘the person,’ and claimed to have preferred to marry ‘the biggest whore in Berlin’ (Asprey, 87). And while we (fortunately? unfortunately?) know quite a bit about their sex life, Fritz largely regarded it as just another duty - to quote him, ‘I will only have the duty to fuck’ (Ibid, 87). And while Seckendorf heard - first, presumably from Count von der Schulenburg and, later on, Count Friedrich von Wartensleben, a close and intimate friend of the then-crown prince - that Fritz would ‘fuck and refuck’ Elisabeth Christine and that said act occurred in the afternoon, it still was out of a sense of obligation (Bely, 481-2). When reminded that if he wanted more money for frivolities, he’d need to produce an heir, Fritz bemoaned that he ‘cannot sleep with my wife out of desire, and when I do sleep with her, I do it out of duty rather than inclination’ (Clark, 50). All this in accumulation, as well as the myriad of other quotes and incidents I’ve left out, makes one wonder why his relationship with Elisabeth Christine is sometimes used by historians to prove any sort of heterosexual impulse in the man when she’s the woman with the weakest supports for that argument.

That being said, now we get to the women with a more muddled places in his romantic escapades, if you will. What exactly happened between Orzelska and Fritz during his trip with his father to Dresden in 1728? The main source for everything that occurred during this trip is Wilhelmina, who didn’t attend and without anything about this specific incident coming from Fritz or Friedrich Wilhelm I, make it rather hard to use as concrete, irrefutable proof. Now, if her recollections were contemporaneous - like coming from a diary or journal she kept at the time - that would be one thing. But it comes from her memoirs which, while a delightful read 10/10 recommend, are written decades after this trip took place and, memory being a finicky thing, can’t be taken to the bank. All those disclaimers, here’s the story as told by her:

‘One evening...,the King of Poland [note: Augustus II] insensibly led the King of Prussia to a very richly decorated room...The King of Prussia, delighted with what he saw, stopped to contemplate all its beauties, when [all of] a sudden a tapestry was rolled up, which procured him a very novel sight. It was a lovely female in a state of nudity [note: Countess Orzelska, the Polish king’s daughter], carelessly reclined on a couch. Her beauty excelled that of the finest pictures of Venus and the Graces; her body seemed of ivory, whiter than snow, and better shaped than that of the Venus de Medicis at Florence.

...Scarcely had the King cast his eyes on the fair one, than he turned about with indignation; and seeing my brother behind him, he rudely pushed him out of the room, and left it immediately after in a violent irritation against the trickery they had attempted to practice on him. ...In spite of the King’s vigilance, [Frederick] had had time to contemplate the Venus of the closet, who did not cause him so much horror as she had done to his father. (Wilhelmina’s Memoirs, vol. 1, 107-6)

Wilhelmina then goes on to claim Fritz had fallen ‘passionately in love’ with Orzelska and that the illness Fritz experienced upon returning home was simply being lovesick. Pinning the accuracy of this story is incredibly difficult because, again, we have only one source relayed decades after the fact and from two volumes of memoirs known to have inaccuracies. While I, personally, would love if he had had a tryst with Orzelska (who is such a badass in her own right and deserves more recognition than as a footnote in this guy’s story), there’s no one way to say with more than 30% confidence. I am inclined to believe something along these lines happened because if someone told me a story like this, lord knows I wouldn’t forget it for the rest of my life. And, with Wilhelmina being so close with her brother, it lends a bit more credence but as to the actual emotional or physical response Fritz had to it, well, without my time machine, I can’t and don’t want to say.

With Madame Eleonore-Louise von Wreech, things are a little more concrete. For starters, Fritz actually talked about her! In written correspondence that survived! We even have seven letters between the two of them that survived, which is a bigger win! As Blanning says, they’re ‘ardent but light in tone, ironic, almost flippant, and highly stylized’ (Blanning, 58). Their relationship was known to those close with Fritz at the time that Schulenberg felt compelled to visit and warn the crown prince against devoting himself to women because ‘the slight pleasures gained cause a million displeasures.’ Fritz’s response? To tell the poor guy that he may have ‘the gift of continence, but I assure you that I do not’ (Asprey, 83-4). Firtz even went so far as to send a letter to her mother, waxing poetic about Louise’s ‘beauty, her majestic air, her bearing, and her entire department.’ It’s worth noting that Louise eventually broke off the affair due to being bored by how he ‘loved [her] too much and often annoyed [her] with his clumsy love’ (Ibid, 84). Contemporaries, including Friedrich Wilhelm, believed Fritz had impregnated her with a daughter who her ‘cuckolded husband would refuse to recognize’ (Blanning, 58). Blanning is the only source I’ve seen dispute this due to this news coming from Seckendorf, who didn’t reveal how he came about this information; that Fritz and Madame von Wreech’s correspondence doesn’t indicate a physical relationship; and on the fact that she was not pregnant. I haven’t been able to find the birth dates or any sort of records for Louise’s two daughters to figure out where their conception could’ve been in the timeline and if it matches with the likely dates for the affair, but I also don’t have the resources Cambridge would afford Blanning. Either way, while the physical nature of the affair is in dispute, the emotional aspect certainly was there. Especially when taking into consideration the fact that she’s the woman Fritz was likely referring to in the 16 August 1737 letter to Voltaire where he claimed she had taught him how to love (and also inspired him to write poetry, which we shouldn’t be thankful for). Specifically, all these years later, he stated how ‘this little miracle of nature possessed every possible charm, together with good taste and delicacy. She sought to transfer these qualities to me. I succeeded well in love but poorly in poetry. Since that time I have very often been in love and have always been a poet’ (Fritz’s Oeuvres, vol. 21, 96).

All this to say, there’s a bit too much evidence of some degree of opposite-gender attraction in Fritz to completely write off the possibility that he could’ve been bisexual. While it’s undeniable he held a preference for men and that’s whose company he typically enjoyed, I still do find it interesting the two exceptions (one potential and the other with a fair degree of certainty) to this. And, while I would never want his attraction to men be minimized in favor of that to women, it still remains important to note to get the most comprehensive picture of the man.

#frederick the great #elisabeth christine #countess orzelska #madame von wreech #asks #anonymous

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aster-ion · 3 years

Text

Sylvie x Loki Might Not Happen and Here’s Why

***SPOILERS FOR LOKI TV SHOW***

1. They are basically siblings

Even though they have different personalities, backstories, and physical appearances, that doesn't change the fact that they are the genetic equivalent of siblings. No matter what Timeline you're looking at, both Sylvie and Loki are the offspring of Laufey and whoever he had children with. We know this because they are Variants of the exact same person, meaning that if either of them were born to someone other than Laufey, they would have been pruned as a baby. And since they weren't, that means they must be just as genetically similar as siblings are.

Because of this, the idea of Sylvie and Loki engaging in any kind of romantic or sexual relationship is extremely disturbing to a lot of fans. It's too big an oversight to brush past, especially when the show has continued to remind us over and over that they are, in fact, both Lokis. Maybe if them being the same person wasn't such a major plot point, it would be easier to ignore the facts, but it is, and that means that Marvel is basically pushing either an incest or selfcest (depending on how you look at it) type relationship. And that’s extremely risque for a corporation as large as Marvel, especially with a character as beloved by fans as Loki.

2. It is terrible LGBTQ+ representation

And before anyone says anything, no, it is not because Sylvie is portrayed as female and Loki as male. I've seen a lot of Sylvie x Loki shippers say that the reason people don't like the couple is due to it being one between a male and female, but that's not true. Loki and Sylvie were both confirmed to be bisexual, meaning that they can engage in a relationship with anyone of any gender. It would be completely valid for either of them to pursue romance with someone of a different sex and still be bisexual. No one is arguing against that, and if they are, I definitely do not agree with them.

However, the problem comes in when you take into account Marvel and Disney's (who owns Marvel) long history of queerbaiting. There have been countless times that Disney advertises their "first gay character!" only for it to be a single line of dialogue or a brief shot. Marvel in particular has used the popularity of certain LGBTQ+ ships and headcanons in their fanbase to generate media popularity that they don't actually follow through with in their movies/shows. So when Loki was confirmed to be both genderfluid and bisexual in Episode Three, lots of people felt like they were finally getting a win for representation.

But those people, myself included, appear to have been let down again. The first two official queer characters had so much potential to go off and be with anyone they wanted, but instead, the show has set them up to be in a romance with each other. Now, this wouldn't be problematic on it's own, but when you take into consideration the questionable nature of their romance from Point One as well as the fact that the show has explicitly referred to it as "twisted," it raises the question of whether or not this is actually good representation. Because the fact is, in one episode the writers went “look, it’s two queer people!” and in the next, they said “their relationship is disgusting and demented.” Marvel’s first bisexual characters being borderline incestuous/selfcestuous does not sit well with me at all.

All of this is made even more confusing when you take into account the background of the Loki crew, most notably, the director Kate Herron. She also directed the Netflix series Sex Education, which has quite a bit of very well done representation of all kinds. So how is she managing to fail so badly on this project? It makes me wonder whether she truly is just losing her touch or if this is all a misdirection. Personally, I'm hoping for the latter.

3. It does not send the "self love" message people seem to think it does

The writers, director, and cast of Loki have said multiple times that the relationship between Sylvie and Loki is meant to act as a metaphor for self love. And in a way, that makes a lot of sense. Despite creating different identities for themselves over time, they are still ultimately the same person and therefore share a special bond because of it. And there's a lot of potential that can be done with that concept.

Loki is an extremely complex and intriguing character. He has experienced a lot of trauma in his past that has shaped him into the person he is today. And that person is clearly very broken. He has never given away or received any kind of love, with the exception of his mother and possibly his brother, Thor. Other than that, he's had no healthy friendships, romances, or perception of himself. It makes sense for him to be confused by this pull he feels towards Sylvie, who is both alarmingly alike and vastly different from himself.

Something this series does exceptionally well is breaking Loki out of his comfort zone. He is finally forced to see himself from other people's perspectives. It started with the file Mobius showed him in the first episode. Loki was able to view his actions apart from himself, and was hit with the realisation that he had been hurting people, and he didn't like that.

Loki is also confronted by the existence of the Time Keepers and the TVA, who describe him as an antagonist and nothing more. To them, his role is to make those around him look better, even if that means he repeatedly gets the short end of the stick. Mobius mentions that he disagrees with this and that Loki "can be whoever and whatever he wants, even someone good," adding another layer of depth as to who Loki could be in the future of the series.

Another huge moment for Loki's character development is while in the Time Loop Prison with Sif. Though he starts out annoyed with the situation and recalls not feeling apologetic when he cut off Sif's hair, the longer he is in the loop, the more he changes. Loki admits things to himself that we have never seen him say aloud, such as the fact that he is a narcissist that craves attention. Sif telling Loki over and over that he deserves to be alone makes Loki question whether or not he believes that to be true, allowing him an introspective moment where he really has to think about who he is.

Now with all of that being said, I'd like to tie in why this is important to the writing of Loki and Sylvie. They act as a mirror to one another, representing both the flaws and strengths of "what makes a Loki a Loki." For once, Loki gets an honest, unbiased look at himself without layers of expectations or self doubt. On Lamentis, he calls Sylvie "amazing" and praises her for all her accomplishments. That's a huge moment for him because it shows that despite also finding her irritating, he can look past those traits and see someone worth being a hero underneath. And through that realisation, he begins to understand that he can also grow to love himself. That kind of character development for Loki is incredible to watch, and it's the kind of character development I want to see from this series. Unfortunately, them possibly engaging in a romantic relationship will ruin it.

Whenever I'm feeling insecure about myself and my abilities, the solution has never been to look at who I am through a romantic lens. Self love is an entirely different type of love from romantic love, so if the series tries to push this relationship as a romance, it will fail to truly represent the arc that they are trying to show.

4. Nobody likes it

This one's a little on the nose, but it's true. Almost no one likes this ship, and more than that, most people actively hate it. Yes, there is a small minority that like Loki and Sylvie together, but there is an overwhelmingly larger group that is disgusted and angry by the fact that the show paired them up.

After Episode 4 aired, I ranted for about an hour and a half with a friend about how much we didn't want them together. My aunt whom I have never texted reached out to me to say that she hated their relationship. My homophobic neighbour came over and told me that she would prefer any other romance to this. Friends that I haven't talked to much since school let out for summer have all agreed that they collectively dislike Loki x Sylvie. This ship has brought people together purely because everyone hates it more than they hate each other.

There is no denying that the general feedback for Loki and Sylvie being a couple has been negative, even if you support them getting together for some reason. So if there are so many people out there who don't like it, I'm confused as to how it would be approved by a team of professionals.

5. The contradicting information we have gotten so far

Before the release of Episode Four, Kate Herron said that the relationship between Loki and Sylvie was “not necessarily romantic.” During the interview, she continued to refer to them as friends and people who found solace and trust in each other.

However, after Episode Four, the head writer, Michael Waldron, and other members of the crew spoke up about Sylvie and Loki. They said things like “it just felt right that that would be Loki’s first real love story” and “these are two beings of pure chaos that are the same person falling in love with one another.” These kinds of comments very heavily imply something romantic, directly contradicting what Kate Herron said. Even Tom Hiddleston, the actor for Loki, has assessed the situation, highlighting the differing viewpoints. He’s also said before that the end of Episode Four ultimately has Loki getting in his own way.

Now, this could all just be a misdirection on either side to build suspense for the show, but as of right now, it is entirely unclear who is telling the truth. Though it is more likely that the statements made by Michael Waldron are more accurate (as he is the writer), there is still a slight possibility that Loki x Sylvie won’t happen. I’ll link the articles I’ve found on this topic below so you can read them and decide for yourself.

Kate Herron Statement - https://www.cbr.com/loki-sylvie-relationship-not-romantic/

Michael Waldron Statement - https://www.marvel.com/articles/tv-shows/loki-sylvie-in-love

Tom Hiddleston Statement - https://thedirect.com/article/loki-tom-hiddleston-sylvie-romance

6. It is still salvageable

The odds are not in our favour, I’m afraid. It is highly probable that the show will put Loki and Sylvie in a romantic relationship with each other. Yet there is still a way to salvage it and turn their bond into something incredibly satisfying. Like I mentioned in Point Three, the relationship between Loki and Sylvie has the potential to be incredibly empowering and provide both characters some much-needed growth. And I believe that while unlikely, it can still do that.

The only mention of them being romantically interested in each other came from Mobius, who at the time was angry, betrayed, and doing anything he could to get Loki to talk. Then, at the end of the episode, right before Loki is about to confess something important to Sylvie, he is pruned. This results in no explicit confirmation from either Loki or Sylvie that they are in love with each other. The audience is left not knowing whether Mobius was correct in his speculations, and honestly, I don’t think Loki knows either.

Loki is no expert on love, as I explained earlier. It is entirely possible that he doesn’t grasp how he feels about Sylvie and defaults to romance because of what Mobius said. There is undoubtedly some sort of deep bond forming between them, and I would love to see that being explored in the next two episodes. I would love to watch Loki’s journey of realising that he doesn’t want anything romantic with Sylvie, and was simply confused by the new things he was feeling towards her. Loki even says “this is new for me” when talking to Sylvie at the end of Episode Four. Him momentarily believing that he wants to be a couple with her then shifting into them becoming friends who help each other grow is still a reality that could happen. And ultimately, I think that would benefit them both as characters as well as strengthen the overall message of the show.

In a show about self love, acceptance of yourself, and figuring out who you want to be, Loki very much needs people who support him. He has that in Mobius already, and now he’s beginning to have it in Sylvie as well. I just hope that it is done in a way that resonates with the audience and subverts expectations, which just cannot be done through some twisted romantic relationship. I’ve spoken to others watching the show and seen people talking online, and everyone seems to agree that Loki and Sylvie work much better as platonic soulmates or found family than a couple.

Of course, my hopes aren’t that high up. While I’d love for this to happen, I’ve been let down by Marvel before and wouldn’t be surprised if they went for the easy route of pairing characters up rather than dealing with the emotions correctly. Still, I have hope for this series. Everything else about it is wonderful and perfect in every way. It has the potential to become a masterpiece and easily the best thing that Marvel has ever done. However, this romance would ruin it for me and so many others. We already feel incredibly disappointed by Loki x Sylvie being suggested, so I can’t even begin to fathom how people will react if the show makes it canon. I’m begging Marvel to please do better than this. They have a wonderful story to tell and a wonderful team to do it, and I hope from the bottom of my heart that they don’t throw that away.

#marvel #loki #sylvie #mobius #loki x sylvie #loki x mobius #kate herron #michael waldron #disney #lgbtq #representation #tva #loki tv

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destieltropecollection · 3 years

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Destiel Trope Collection 2021 | Day 24: Domestic

16 fics under the cut

Kisses And Breakfast | @vampamber

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1,141 Main Tags/Warnings: married Destiel, implied sexual content, fluff Summary: Just another morning in the Winchester-Novak household. Dean trying to be a sweetie by making breakfast for his husband, and Castiel not liking the fact that he decided to do it so damn early in the morning. But it was such a cute gesture, plus there was bacon, so Castiel eventually forgives Dean. Because, you know, bacon. But also because he loves his husband.

Leeches | @mattzerella-sticks

Rating: General Word Count: 1,208 Main Tags/Warnings: Bunker fic, Netflix passwords, Flustered Dean Winchester, Embarassed Dean Winchester Summary: Sharing a Netflix makes sense, in hindsight. Dean gets it. But that doesn’t mean he appreciates seeing a bunch of profiles after his that weren’t there last he checked. He’s gonna get to the bottom of this - of when this happened, why, and how they were able to guess his password.

Lady And The Tramp | @vampamber

Rating: General Word Count: 1,501 Main Tags/Warnings: drunk Dean, annoyed Cas, established relationship, Disney references Summary: Castiel loves his boyfriend Dean, even when he’s being an adorable drunken idiot. So when drunk Dean starts talking about the kiss scene with the spaghetti from Lady And The Tramp, what else is there for him to do but go out and buy spaghetti noodles?

Angel Dreams | @envydean

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2,033 Main Tags/Warnings: Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Domestic Dean, Dean’s Birthday, Pie AND Cake, character injury, Pining Summary: When Dean ends up unconscious after a hunt, Castiel finds his way into Dean’s dreams only to find a domestic bliss that they both want and need.

The shirt in the dispute (and other laundry feuds) | @chaoticdean

Rating: General Word Count: 2,099 Main Tags/Warnings: Domestic Fluff, Domestic Disputes, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Misunderstandings Summary: It all starts off with a sordid affair of mixed laundry, and somehow it’s World War III in the Men of Letter’s bunker (or the one where Castiel mess a batch of laundry up, and Dean’s Led Zeppelin shirt bites the dust)

Happy Plant Parents | @fpwoper

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 2,666 Main Tags/Warnings: Marijuana, Sex Pollen, (Mutual) Masturbation, Dean and Cas are Neighbours Summary: Dean and Cas share a hallway between their apartments, and it tends to smell like weed. Cas promises to bring in plants to help filter the air, and Dean asks Cas to come over for dinner to discuss a schedule to co-parent all the plants decorating their hallway.

Summer Days | @gii-heylittleangel

Rating: General Word Count: 2,788 Main Tags/Warnings: Summer Vacation, Gen, Team Free Will, Beach Summary: Finally having some time off, Dean decides they need to take some real, nice, summer vacation.

Feline | @castielscarma

Rating: General Word Count: 3,597 Main Tags/Warnings: Light angst, love confessions Summary: Cas finds a stray outside the Bunker and decides to bring it home. Little does he know that the cat will come to be instrumental in bringing him closer to Dean.

Bittersweet | @wynterfiel

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 6,000 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Accountant!Castiel, Gardener!Dean, Kid Fic, Baby Jack Kline, Parenthood, Meet-Cute, Fluff, Light Angst, Domestic Dean/Castiel Summary: A successful work transfer later and Castiel finds himself away from stuffy New York with his baby nephew, Jack. Christmas wasn’t a priority until Castiel realised it would be Jack’s first and maybe he should put in the effort. This endeavour leads him straight to Winchester Nursery and Flower Shop.

we’ll find a new home | @holyfirecircle

Rating: General Word Count: 7,860 Main Tags/Warnings: Love confessions, pining, cooking as a love language, Human!Cas, finale never happened, Summary: After Cas comes home, Dean starts cooking like crazy. He thinks he might be compensating for something.

Home | @peanutbutterjelly-pie

Rating: General Word Count: 10,039 Main Tags/Warnings: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Domestic Summary: There are apocalypses and monsters and nightmares. But between all of this Dean and Castiel are just trying to manage their lives together. And that turns out to become surprisingly domestic.

stop the world from turning | iCeDreams (AO3)

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 10,690 Main Tags/Warnings: COVID-19 related, canon, top!Cas/bottom!Dean, Bunker fic Summary: Castiel’s long existence is defined by blocks of time he’s carved out for himself. As an angel, he was part of the Host, but never quite one of them. Now, in the bunker with the Winchesters and Jack, it’s time to fill the empty spaces the Host left with the family he’s chosen. – OR… a look at what Castiel does for 24 hours with stay-at-home orders in the Men of Letters Bunker.

Welcome to Pine Shores! | @andimeantittosting

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 20,901 Main Tags/Warnings: Future Fic, Human Cas, Mutual Pining, Middle-aged Dean and Cas, top!dean/bottom!cas Summary: Thirteen years ago, Dean, with Cas by his side, bought the run-down Pine Shores Motel, and made it into a home and a stopping place for hunters. In those thirteen years, he has never been able to bring himself to admit his feelings to Cas—after all, why rock the boat? But, Dean realizes, doesn’t Cas deserve more than just growing old in a shabby motel with Dean? Surely, as a good friend, it’s Dean’s job to encourage Cas to get out there and live his dreams.

late july | @thanks-tacos

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 26,669 Main Tags/Warnings: Alpha Castiel (Supernatural),Top Castiel, Omega Dean, Bottom Dean,Hurt/Comfort,Mute Dean Winchester,Bookstore Owner Castiel,Past Abuse,Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con,Happy Ending,Slow Burn Summary: ‘I would like to take in your most abused one,’ Castiel says, looking at the rows of doors in the yellow corridor. 'Give him a good home.’ After his accident, Castiel needs someone to help him around the small brick house he lives in and the bookstore he owns. So, he adopts Dean; an omega who barely survived being dumped in a ditch and left for dead. Dean doesn’t talk, but that’s fine; they learn to live together in the quaint, rainy city surrounded by a green forest. Castiel just wants to give Dean a peaceful life he deserves, and maybe also - become his mate?

Prayer in G | ValandraEvans (AO3)

Rating: Mature Word Count: 102,870 Main Tags/Warnings: AU - All Human, Top!Castiel, Bottom!Dean, Happy Ending, Openly BiSexual Dean, Conversion Therapy Trauma Summary: Castiel Novak just finished his third year of Seminary School and is about to undertake his fieldwork assignment in Sioux Falls, SD. He’s been assigned to assist Reverent Michael at the evangelical Church of Divine Light in the community outreach program. Dean Winchester lives on the outskirts of Sioux Falls in a log cabin he built himself. He hunts and fishes and other than the occasional trip into town for supplies or visit from his best friend Charlie or brother Sam is happy with his reclusive life. When Castiel shows up at Dean’s door, bags in tow, this wasn’t exactly the favor he thought he was doing for Sherif Jody Mills when she asked if he was up for taking in a border for a few months. Now he was stuck with the nerdy wanna-be minister with eyes so blue, Dean swears he can see heaven in them.

Life is like a Hallmark movie (WIP) | @hallmarkdestiel,

Rating: General Word Count: 124,626 Main Tags/Warnings: Slow burn Firefighter Dean Doctor Castiel PTSD Summary: Castiel Novak is a big city Doctor. Dean Winchester is a small town farmer. The Family farm is being threatened by the Bank. At first, Dean and Castiel hate each other but Can true love save the day in time for Christmas in Cottonwood Falls, Kansas?

#destiel trope collection 2021 #day 24 #domestic #destiel #supernatural #fanfic

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byorder-fanfic · 4 years

Text

Finn’s Lost Loves

Summary: Finn’s lost more than anyone else knew because of the war, and every stupid thing his family have done afterwards to keep themselves in charge.

Word count: 2019

Warnings: Mentions war and blood, talks about eating disorder, self harm and self-esteem, and homophobia (only a little bit, period accurate), a lot of toxic masculinity

Author’s note: This is a lot of angst with little bits of fluff and a sad ending. Sorry. It’s basically an overview of Finn’s character, backstory and his relationships with the family that we’ve never gotten to see! It’s based off a piece of prose in my drafts, so if you guys like this, I might post that as well. Hope you enjoy, and please comment, I love hearing your opinions and any constructive criticism you might have xx

Finn loved books. Once upon a time, he really did. He loved the way Tommy did the voices, and Arthur made those wild motions with his hands, and John could always make him laugh as he told him about that thing that happened in the pub last week. He loved how Ada and Polly would tuck him up in bed, place a kiss on his temple and read the letters from the boys. Then they came back, and he didn’t need to read letters. Or books. Or anything really. Soon, he didn’t even go to school. He just wanted to be with his brothers. Now they tell him to piss off more than they beg him to stay. Tommy and Polly scold him for not being able to read off the betting boards, and John makes everyone else laugh when he holds a big volume under Finn’s nose, so that everyone knew that Finn was still illiterate. Finn hates books.

Finn loved Church. He didn’t need Polly to drag him by the heels as he sobbed under the Virgin Mary’s stare like his brothers when he hopped, skipped and a jumped all his way down the road. He always sat by Isaiah, the two boys out-screaming each other in the hymns and seeing who Polly would scold first. He wore the crucifix everyday, and treated his rosary with all the sacred carefulness a six year old could manage. He loved the psalms and Jeremiah’s voice ringing through the streets and the way everyone was always together (even Charlie) on Sunday. Then he had to light candles, praying for his brothers’ safety that was only answered with their damnation as they dragged back blood and French mud into Watery Lane. Now he cries through the paper thin pages of a Bible and his only prayers are that the boys never see his tears. What did he have to cry about after all? He was never a soldier, but he should learn to be a man. Finn hates Church.

Finn loved healing. Ada dragged him along to her nursing classes and soon his only reason to come to Church was to learn how to tie bandages and fix up cuts and bruises. No one noticed his long absences- they either assumed he went to school still, or they were far too busy with the race tracks to care for the whereabouts of their youngest brother. But then he'd slipped up, and he'd never seen his brothers laugh so hard when he proudly told Polly he was going to be a nurse one day. Even his aunt and sister, usually the ones on his side, had to purse their lips together as Arthur roared out: "Hear that, Tom? We got ourselves a Nurse Shelby here! Want a dress and hat to go with it?" He told them all to fuck off and stamped out, but he didn't understand what he said that was so funny. When he asked Isaiah, who had just turned fourteen and starting to see Finn less and less, he just said that being a nurse was a woman's job. He didn't like being laughed at for being a girl, but he didn't know why. He still hoarded textbooks about anatomy and the like under his bed, tracing over the detailed pictures with his skeleton finger as he wished. And wished. And wished. And almost prayed that he could read the little ink words. When he found Arthur with another red line on his neck, he offered him some medicine to cure his big brother's blues, thinking just a bit of Tokyo would keep his brother here with him. No one asked why Finn was sad. Oh well, at least he could protect his brothers now. Finn hates healing. Finn loved food. Always the big eater in the Shelby household, he managed to always have a full stomach despite the poverty that reigned. He was a stickler for sweets, though, and as soon as he mastered the art of sneaking rings and wallets from unsuspecting strangers, he soon graduated to thieving lollipops and boiled sweets and even some toffees that he proudly deposited into his aunt's hand with a toothy grin. But the boys would look into his empty plate and his skinny frame and tell him he'd better watch out, soon he might actually have a shape under those bulky clothes. They always laughed, and he felt himself completely embarrassed at the dinner table. He dumped more sugar than milk into his tea and stole chips when they went to the seaside. He'd always offer to share, wanting to provide for them for once, but they'd tell him he was the one who needed it. He sees his ribs and the little vertebrae of his spine and wonders why can't he just be strong like his brothers. Even though he despises it, he picks up boxing to fill out his form. Maybe training with Isaiah was an extra benefit, but the older boy had long since talked to Finn on the regular, and made a point to laugh at him when he fell onto the floor. So, Finn graduated from second helpings of lunch and too-sweet tea to the sour delights of whiskey and cigarettes. Just like his brothers. Finn hates food. Finn loves his family. He loves Polly, the mother he never had, and will never feel like he does enough to repay her for his entire childhood. Then Michael came back, and soon there wasn't any chore lists on the downstairs table for someone to read out for him, or little check ups throughout the day as she makes sure he's okay. That was when he realised exactly why Polly raised him in her empty arms. He loves Arthur: his eldest brother, who used to lift him up on his shoulders and teach him to draw. Finn still has faded old pictures of galloping stallions (signed in block letters: A.W.S) slipped between the filled out pages of the sketchbooks he hides in his wardrobe. Then Arthur came back, with what everyone calls Flanders Blues, but no one explains, and Finn feels like he's losing his brother everyday when he comes back smelling like a brewery with blood on his fists. Finn loves Tommy. A father figure to him, the kind of man he wants to be when he grows up. But then Greta died and Tommy went to war, and the man who took him horse riding every weekend was gone, and this Tommy was colder. Finn loves John as the best friend he's ever had, always laughing together, giving sometimes useful advice and finding days to just spend time with each other. Despite John's bazillion kids, widowerhood, and then his new wife, he's always had time to spare for his little brother. John was the one who told him what bisexual was when he found Finn sobbing in his room, he was the one that took him to the doctor when he passed out from malnutrition, and he's the one that made him swear to never use razor blades on himself again. Finn loves Ada. He sees why Freddie calls her an angel, and used to love it when she pretended to take Finn to the library when in fact they were both slipping away to a Communist meeting, which would usually end up in Ada and Freddie slipping away and leaving Finn in the trusted supervision of leftist radicals that he happily chatted away to. Ada always took care of him, making sure he was never involved in the business (on either side) and telling him that being a soldier is a life sentence, not an honour. He lives because Ada keeps him safe and sane. Then Ada leaves. Finn hates the Shelby name that everyone screams at him like a condemnation, that invites slurs and hatred that only he gets because he doesn't look like a proper Shelby man. Finn hates his family. Finn loved Isaiah. A childhood crush that brought butterflies to his stomach and blushes to his freckled face. He sketched the boy's face so many times, he knew it by memory. They held hands when they were chased down the streets, laughing and sprinting as their spoils stayed securely in their pockets. But Isaiah was older than him. Soon after adolescence hit the Jesus boy and Peaky Blinders offered him a role, without the constant of Church, the two greatest of friends became almost strangers to one another. But Finn still loved him. He never told anyone, of course. He knew he wasn't a real homosexual, because he most certainly did enjoy holding hands and kissing the cheeks of girls his age (poor boy was flustered to ever do more!) but his heart still belonged to the preacher's boy. With more faithful women in the family than ever before, Finn knew he would be crucified if he ever told anyone. John was the only one who knew, and that was based on the fact he paid more attention to his brother than anyone else combined. He said he should just go for it, but Finn knew Isaiah couldn't be like him. And even if Jeremiah was always the kindest man that Finn ever met, he still didn't trust that the cross on his neck wouldn't shame him or laugh at him for the fact he was completely enamoured with his son. Then Finn got drunk, and when he woke up, his entire family knew exactly how he felt and Isaiah wouldn't look at him in the eye. He ran away to the stables, crying on Uncle Charlie's shoulder who told it would be alright. He made sure to keep an eye on Finn ever since, keeping an eye on his wrists and fists. The incident was soon forgot by everyone but him. Finn couldn't find it in him to hate Isaiah, but he knew he didn't love him any more. Finn has never loved Michael. He thought he could, at first, when he saw the tweed suit and a face more innocent than his. But then Tommy promoted him almost on the spot, and Finn had never at once felt so much rage bubble inside him. Everything he has done for his brothers, every passion he sacrificed, every humiliation he shouldered, just so they could see him as an equal. But no, there are only three Shelby brothers as far as anyone else is concerned, and Finn carries on as errand boy. He ignores all Ada's good advice, and swear that he will make his brothers proud of him one day. So, he puts on the thorn crown of a Peaky cap and wears the waistcoat and wool coat of his brother's likeness, and parades about Small Heath like he actually was apart of the makeshift royal family. Then Finn found Michael and Isaiah kissing in the alleyway. Even though Finn had made a point to announce that his brothers had started giving him more work, Isaiah still fucked off to the pub with Michael every night, devoting his time and attention to only him, and Finn couldn't understand why. Now he did. If Finn had been violent like Arthur, he certainly wouldn't have thought twice about taking the cup on his curls and cutting the smirk off of his cousin. He had stolen his brothers' respect, his surrogate mother's attention, his place in the business, the affections of the one boy Finn had ever loved. He had stolen Finn's everything, and Finn hated him. They both froze and stuttered. Excuses about just being friends, just experimenting, but he saw the way they held each others shaking hands just as he and Isaiah used to hold onto each other as they raced through the streets. "I'm glad you're together." He shocked them both with a forced smile. "You both deserve to be happy." The two were kinder to him after that, almost back to the old friendship he had missed, and Finn knew he didn't hate Michael. Or Isaiah. Or any of his family, really. No, Finn hated himself.

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