#i just think weird exes r so funny always

[matoitech]

some professional tall buff girls for ur dash, this is fish and chrissy. chrissys design might change a lot im not sure how im feeling abt it and fish might get some extra markings and stuff but i needed Representations of the ocs existing in my brain rn

#my art #ocs #furry #anthro #striped hyena #aardwolf #hyena #lion #lioness #maned lioness #tiger #liger #big cat #i just think weird exes r so funny always #and i love drawing muscles. those r the two things i know

[sylphwing]

hm. i do not like chilshi 🤔

#sylph.txt #everyone likes to joke abt how much of an epic divorce man chilchuck is #but i dont think he ever even refers to her as his ex-wife. i could b wrong bc it's been a while since i read it tho #idk a lot of his arc is him learning to b more open w others (which is essentially what ended his relationship) #and u can see how much he's grown in the chapter where senshi goes into his past #to me it would b a lot sweeter for him to take on these lessons and go back to her and make things work #it's been 4 years but he's remained loyal to her depite their issues. idk to me it rlly does feel like he still loves her he's just a fool #it's made p clear that he's a coward and that he's quick to run away so actually committing to her would b a nice way to wrap things up #we don't get to see much of his wife so i get y ppl r quick to put him w the only other man in the party #but like senshi knows abt his wife too like i do not think he's gnna b making any moves here bc he has morals lmao #(*only other older man in the party. laios doesn't qualify for old man yaoi to most chilshi likers) #(even tho chilchuck isn't old either but shh they don't care abt that) #when it comes to senshi the changeling chapter def helped him w understanding how old the rest of the party is #but he clearly still views them as significantly younger than him #i don't think he views chil as a child anymore but for the majority of their time together he did #and so going from that to in a relationship is uhh rlly weird to me! #senshi has always taken a sort of parental role upon himself #w him romance is no where as interesting as the platonic bonds he has w the rest of the party #similar to how romance is entirely unimportant to izutsumi in the succubus chapter #idk i def don't hate the pairing and there r some takes on it that i find funny #but for me i just don't see anything between them i think ppl just want an m/m ship to play with #that ao3 gap is only gnna get bigger lmao

[ugh-yoongi]

a word from our sponsors | knj

you’ve co-hosted a podcast with namjoon for three years; have known him even longer. the two of you have always been the picture of platonic, but that hasn’t stopped the internet from doing what the internet does. the shipping? a little weird at first, but you can understand it: two attractive twenty-somethings always in close proximity to one another, obvious (platonic!) chemistry—people have created ships for less. the fanfiction, though? also pretty funny… until you can’t stop thinking about it. 🎙️

pairing: namjoon x f. reader genre: podcast, friends to lovers au; crack, smut, fluff rating: explicit. minors do not interact. warnings: parasocial relationships galore, a m*n with a p*dcast, author abuses italics, swearing, alcohol, reader uses a pseudonym/nickname (piper) because writing the meta fanfiction scene would've been too weird without one and i refuse to use y/n, dialogue-heavy but it is a fic about a podcast, everyone is down horrendous, mentions of social media & fake r*ddit posts, ex-boyfriend yoongi but in a good, healthy way. let me know if i missed anything but mostly this is just two goofballs not realizing they're in love with one another. smut warnings: kissing, oral sex (f. receiving), fingering, unprotected vaginal sex (fiction), protected vaginal sex (nonfiction), a lil squirting, mild degradation, mentions of a p*ss kink but there is no actual pee i promise (...lest?), i didn't intend to write size kink but it's namjoon so it just showed up anyway, slight dom!joon, everyone orgasms. wordcount: 17.5k credits: this was entirely inspired by that one episode of the basement yard where frankie reads the smut fic of him and joe, so credits to both that author and that podcast. spotify, for their podcast name generator. astro-seek for helping me drag namjoon astrologically. an extra special, gigantic thanks to @effortandmore for writing the meta fanfic (3k of it, no less!) and not batting an eye when i said it could have pee in it as a joke. this is as much yours as it is mine. finally, @hot-soop and @the-boy-meets-evil for reading this over for me and telling me i'm funny. author's note: happy birthday, indigo! here i am to validate every fear you've ever had that the people you write porn about may one day read it. live and on air. :)

You’ve co-hosted a podcast with Namjoon for three years.

You can learn a lot about a guy in that amount of time.

None of it is especially salacious. You know all about his family and his dog and the brand of recycled paper towels he insists on buying in bulk. You know what he’d written his grad school thesis on and what he’d looked like in the thick of it, when he was staving off his fifth mental break of the week. You know how fidgety he gets when it’s closing in on Friday night and he’s got a date—how much he stresses over which restaurant to pick, which cologne, which expensive cashmere sweater to wear.

You also know what the internet thinks about him. Intimately.

Kim Namjoon, according to the internet, is peak husband material. He has cheeks ripe for pinching and thighs small countries would go to war to defend. He has a lap that doubles as a seat and dimples people want to get baptized in. He has Instagram selfies with hundreds of thousands of likes and comment sections full of intelligible keysmashes, especially the ones he posts from the gym.

Kim Namjoon, according to the internet, is a man written by a woman.

Looking at him now, you aren’t sure that’s true, you think people just need to raise their standards. Namjoon is just… Namjoon. He’s intelligent and kind and up to date on modern feminist theory, is all. And, sure, maybe in the current political landscape that puts him far above the rest of men, but the way the internet has latched onto him is a little concerning.

“There’s another post about whether or not we’re dating,” you say, pushing your glasses up the bridge of your nose.

sooo let’s be real here, we ALL think they’re dating, right?? Posted by u/pod-shipper 2 hours ago

Just like he always does, Namjoon huffs out a soft laugh, makes his way around to your side of the table. Puts his large hands on your shoulders as he leans in close to read from your screen, snorting every time he reads a sentence he finds particularly amusing. Whichever cologne he’d chosen this morning is, admittedly, very nice.

It’s sooo obvious, especially in the episodes they film and post on YouTube. The way they look at each other?? I don’t even look at my HUSBAND like that! (+1264) ↳ omg ur sooooo right! i could MAYBE buy that they aren’t full on dating, but they’ve def at least slept together. Namjoon is so 🔥🔥🔥 (+791) ↳ um how can namjoon be dating her when he’s already married to me 😌💅 (+3) ↳ For the millionth time, can we not speculate on their personal lives? This is weird and reinforces really harmful ideas that men and women can’t just be friends. (-51)

“How come they never talk about how hot you are?”

You can tell by the look on Namjoon’s face that he hadn’t meant to say that—or, if he did, he didn’t mean to say it like that, with an entire pout, eyebrows raised nearly to his hairline. “Cursed to be ugly and dumb,” you joke to ease the sudden tension, reading the comment that simply says you’d have to be the dumbest person alive to not sleep with Namjoon.

He scrunches his nose at that. Returns to his side of the table. “Yeah, I don’t think so, lots of people haven’t slept with me.” Starts to unpack all the gear from his bag before he says, “Hey, all that stuff—does it bother you?”

“What do you mean?” you answer, the corner of a protein bar stuck in your mouth. Namjoon always insists on recording at the most inconvenient times.

“People thinking we’re together,” he clarifies.

You shrug. “I dunno. Not really. Comes with the territory, I think, not to mention how much you love to overshare—”

“Hello?”

“I’m just saying,” you retort, hands raised in self-defense. “There really was no need for you to mention you blew your grad school stipend on a porn scam.” Namjoon looks affronted, like he can’t believe you’d stoop so low as to bring that up. “Or that you lost your virginity at fifteen.”

“We have a relationship podcast,” he states simply. “That’s kind of what we do, right? Talk about relationships? And the spectrum of human sexuality is part of that.”

You slump back in your chair as you quirk an eyebrow. “No one said it wasn’t, I just said you overshare. Which you do.”

“And that’s why there’s a dozen Reddit posts a week discussing whether or not we’re dating? Because I overshare?”

“Yeah, exactly. That’s the kind of behavior that leads to parasocial relationships. People latch onto that shit. Makes them think they’re your friend.” He glares. “Don’t give me that look, you know I’m right. It’s bad enough you’ve word-vomited all this highly personal information about yourself, but to not even do it under a pseudonym? It’s like you’re begging for trouble.”

Another comment he doesn’t even realize he’s making: “I don’t beg. For anything.”

To this day, you’re not sure why Namjoon asked you to co-host a podcast with him.

His reasoning had been simple: “You’re my best friend and we don’t agree on anything.” Hard to argue with that. Namjoon has seemingly endless patience, even in the face of things he shouldn’t entertain, and you… do not, to put it simply.

You’re not a cold person. Your fuse isn’t short. You’re just a little jaded, is all. Have far less propensity for bullshit than Namjoon does, so the two of you play well off each other. You end a sentence with a well-punctuated full stop and Namjoon’s right behind you to sigh and say maybe you shouldn’t be so hasty, not everything in the world can be so black or white.

Except some things are. Somewhere along the way, the podcast—which Namjoon had affectionately named Place Him Gently in the Garbage, even though some people should be shoved in there with force—had picked up a following. A big one. And now, every week, you’re inundated with emails ranging in severity. Sometimes people just want to vent after their tenth bad date in a row or share funny stories, and Namjoon lets you take the lead on those, but sometimes it’s a little more serious. That’s where Namjoon shines, all that endless patience, and people love him for it.

“What’s on the agenda today?” he asks, accepting a thick stack of papers from Jungkook.

Ah, Jungkook.

You aren’t sure what he actually does. Some kind of social media manager, which is obvious from the wildly out-of-context clips he posts of you to TikTok, and it’s his responsibility to go through the thousands of emails you get from listeners, but aside from that all you’ve got are your suspicions that he just sticks around to swindle Namjoon out of more and more money.

“I’m in a silly goofy mood,” comes Jungkook’s reply, and you let out a witch cackle as Namjoon winces. Nothing good ever comes of Jungkook being in a silly goofy mood, and that’s quite alright by you.

Fifteen minutes later finds you with a camera in your face that you greet with an unamused, flat stare. Jungkook is used to it by now. Just films for a few seconds before turning his attention to an unaware Namjoon. Head down, pen and highlighter going a mile a minute as he pores over the stack of papers with all the doggedness and eagle-eyed stare of a literature professor.

That’s the thing about Namjoon—he takes this really seriously. So do you, but not in the ways Namjoon does. He’s all skill and determination and you’re color commentary. It works. It clearly works, so you aren’t too bent out of shape about it, but sometimes you worry. Namjoon takes this really seriously and sometimes you worry that he takes it too seriously, that he carries the burdens and worries of all these strangers, that he’s trying to solve and fix things that aren’t his responsibility to solve and fix.

So he takes it really seriously and you don’t take it as seriously as you maybe should, and everything is by design. Balanced.

Twenty minutes later finds you staring across the table at Namjoon, who asks, “Are you ready?” and does one last equipment check before he launches into, “Welcome back to another episode of Place Him Gently in the Garbage with Namjoon and Piper. What’s new with you, Pipe? Any fun news?”

Pipe. It drives you nuts. Feels like nails on a chalkboard. “I see you almost every single day,” you respond dryly. “But for the sake of entertainment, I’m thinking about getting a cat.”

“A cat?” Namjoon parrots, and his eyebrows disappear beneath his fringe because he knows what that means.

You’ve co-hosted a podcast with Namjoon for three years, but you’ve known him even longer.

Since your first year of college, which is also when you met Yoongi. Yoongi, your ex. Yoongi, the person you’d been with for six years and had planned a life around. Yoongi, now one of your closest friends, because the two of you still love one another but no longer in that way, which is fine. But also—Yoongi, allergic to cats.

So, yeah. Namjoon knows what that means, and he has the good sense not to mention it. Unlike him, you’re intensely private and keep your cards close to your chest. Your listeners don’t even know your real name, let alone that you’d gone through a breakup a year ago.

“What kind of cat?” he continues, like his entire world hasn’t just been turned upside-down.

You shrug. “Eh, I don’t know. Probably one that’s been in the shelter a long time, I guess. I’m not too fussy, you know?”

“Right, a cat is a cat,” Namjoon says, thinking he’s done something. You and Jungkook gasp at the same time. “What? Why are you giving me that look?”

“Because that’s a fucked up thing to say! A cat is not just a cat. They have little personalities, just like people. You’ve got—”

“But you just said you’re not fussy,” he interjects. “And I know they have personalities and that you have to find one that suits your lifestyle! Like, you can’t have one of those really cool cats that likes to go kayaking and shit, it’d never work—”

“What does that mean? Why couldn’t I have a cool cat?”

“Hey, all you cool cats and kittens,” Namjoon mocks, and you can tell he thinks he’s done something again, but his impression falls flatter than flat. An awkward silence fills the studio. He coughs. “Anyway. Do you have pictures?”

“Yeah. I also have a list of candidates ranked by how cool their names are. Number five, Casserole.”

“That’s cute.”

“Mhm,” you agree, “but Casserole is a kitten, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that kind of responsibility.”

“They do say you should adopt kittens in pairs.”

“And that’s how they get you. You want one kitten and they talk you into two, and before you know it you’ve got, like, twelve cats. Number four, Party Girl.”

“Sick name.”

“Number three, Toddler.”

“Toddler?”

“Number two, Flat.”

“Just Flat? Understandable.”

“And, finally, number one: Human Torch.”

“Yoooo.” Namjoon laughs. “You have to adopt Human Torch. Let me see.” You pull up a picture on your phone and hand it over. “Okay, for our listeners—Human Torch is a young, male Domestic Short Hair. He has stripes. I don’t know what that’s called.”

“Tabby,” Jungkook chimes in.

“Jungkook says he’s a tabby. He’s cute. Adopt him.”

You return your phone to your pocket. “Maybe. I still think I want an older cat, but I’ll consider it. What about you, though? Any new dating horror stories to share?”

Ah, the dating horror stories. Your most dedicated shippers are convinced they’re fake, that Namjoon just makes them up on the spot to keep them off your trail. If only. Not in the if only they were fake and Namjoon and I were actually dating kind of way, but the holy shit one of my closest friends is a fucking disaster and it’s a little embarrassing kind of way.

“Not really,” he answers. “I’ve got a date this Friday, though. Trying to decide if dinner and a movie is too boring.”

“It’s a classic for a reason. What are you gonna see, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3?”

“Three?” Namjoon emphasizes, truly sounding scandalized. “Since when are there three? I haven’t even seen one or two.”

“Okay, first of all, the original is a classic and it’s a crime you haven’t seen it.”

“And second of all?”

“There is no second of all. Repeat point one.”

He snorts. “I’m not gonna see that, anyway. Maybe the re-release of Howl’s Moving Castle.”

“Subbed or dubbed, though?”

“Are you trying to get me canceled?”

“Absolutely.”

“I like both,” he chickens out. “Now, let’s stop wasting time and get to the point of the show.”

“Talking about cats is a waste of time?”

“I—no, we’ve just got a lot on the agenda today.”

“Like what?”

“Well, there’s lots to talk about on the celebrity front—”

Namjoon loves this part. As esteemed and educated as he is, not even he is immune to good old celebrity gossip. (Inside him there are two wolves.) Lives for it. Texts you about it at all hours of the night. Sends you links to Reddit threads with hundreds of comments. Has more opinions on Celebrity Big Brother than he does on Ludwig Wittgenstein, sometimes, and when that’s the case you know you’re in for a long evening. You’ve never even seen an episode of Celebrity Big Brother.

But Namjoon loves it, so you’ve become fond of it by association. Reminds you a bit of Yoongi and his love for sports and sports anime.

“—one should we start with?”

“Whatever you want,” you answer, because you haven’t been paying a lick of attention and you aren’t sure it matters anyway. Namjoon can talk to a wall on a good day, but he’s an entirely different beast once mundane, innocuous celeb gossip gets involved.

And even though you hadn’t been paying attention, it seems like this was the right thing to say, because Namjoon smiles so wide his dimples crater his face. “Cool. Let’s start with Taryn Manning. Did you see that bizarre—”

“Who?”

“What?”

“Who is Taryn Manning?”

Namjoon looks a little dumbstruck. Even Jungkook’s arching an eyebrow at you. “Are you serious? She was in Orange is the New Black and Crossroads.”

“The Britney Spears movie?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. Weird, okay. Continue.”

Your co-host shoots you a very pointed look. “I will, thanks. Anyway, she posted a video on social media talking about this affair she had with a married man. Like, she pulled over on the side of the road to record this. Said she can’t stand the man’s wife because she called her a quote-unquote lunatic.”

“I—huh, thought we weren’t supposed to say that anymore. Alright.”

“But wait, it gets even more bizarre. Listen to this quote—and this is direct. This is a direct quote from the video, I can’t stop thinking about it: ‘Don’t you ever threaten me when your husband came to me to get his butthole licked.’ Can you—”

“What? Namjoon, what in the fuck—”

“It’s crazy, right? She was gonna buy this guy a boat.”

“Namjoon, this is a family show, you can’t just talk about ass-eating unprompted.”

“No it’s not.”

“Well, you still shouldn’t talk about ass-eating unprompted. It’s unbecoming.”

“You’re unbecoming,” Namjoon fires back, because he can’t help it. The words are out of his mouth before he can think. “Sorry, that was out of line.”

You sigh. Know whatever look Jungkook is catching on his camera right now is exasperated and pointed, the corners of your mouth probably tugged up just a hint. “Unbecoming, like I said.” Namjoon scoffs. “Anyway, so this actress was gonna buy this married guy a boat and was eating his ass?”

“Yeah. Apparently it was her friend’s husband? They all went to a Taylor Swift concert together.”

“Jesus, this keeps getting worse. Big year for Hollywood cheaters.”

“It is, right? Cheaters and divorces. Something in the water, I guess.”

“I saw the astrology girlies saying a bunch of planets are in retrograde, so—”

“Can you explain that to me? Like, what does it mean for a planet to be in retrograde? Why is it causing divorces?”

“I don’t know, I’m not an astrology girlie. That’s why I said the astrology girlies. What are your big three, though?”

“What’s that?”

“Your sun, moon, and rising signs.”

“How do I find that out?”

“Ugh,” you intone, “don’t worry about it, I’ll do it myself. What time were you born?”

Namjoon rattles off a time.

You grab your laptop. Pull up the page, type in Namjoon’s date of birth and birthplace, and wait. Then you’re staring at a circle with a bunch of lines in it that also don’t make a lick of sense to you. You roll your lips to keep from laughing and school your voice into something deadly serious. “Bad news: it says you’re a virgin.”

“Virgo,” Namjoon corrects, not taking the bait. “I already knew that.”

You scroll a little further down the page. “Your moon is in Sagittarius. Oh god, listen to this, they’ve got you pegged: ‘The greatest need is to always search for something. In order to feel safe you need a philosophy or belief’—”

“Haaa, that’s not—”

“—’You need to have a goal or mission that gives your life meaning. Your faith must be voluntary and it is a paradox that fighting against dogmas may lead you to other dogmas.’ Yeah, that’s you.”

“That could apply to anyone,” he argues. “There are seven-billion people on this planet; I’d imagine a sizable amount of them would say that also describes them.”

“Hm, sounds like your faith in astrology is not yet voluntary. Did you know you’re a Scorpio rising?”

“No. I’m sure you’re gonna tell me all about it, though.”

You smile. “Correct. ‘People with Scorpio on the Ascendant need to fight against dark and destructive power in their life.’ Is that true?”

“Yeah, you’re the dark and destructive power. You keep sidetracking me and we need to get to the point of the podcast.” He grabs the stack of papers Jungkook had given him. Looks more highlighter than paper, if you’re being honest. “I guess Jungkook thought we needed a lighthearted kind of day.”

���That was nice of him, considering what he gave us last week. I guess we’re allowed to have faith in humanity today.”

To your left, Jungkook scoffs.

“Alright,” Namjoon starts, putting on his Very Serious Podcast Guy voice, “first up we’ve got a question from one of our listeners in Canada. It says, ‘Hi, Piper and Namjoon. I recently agreed to go on a blind date with a friend of a friend. She said he was a bit old-fashioned but really talked him up so I thought I was in good hands—and then he showed up to get me in a ‘67 GTO and exclusively referred to me as doll. He didn’t use my name once. I’m torn, because he was really nice and I had a good time otherwise, but this is weird, right? Should I see him agai—’”

“No,” you interject.

“Can I finish?”

“You don’t have to. This guy sounds greasy.”

Namjoon pinches the bridge of his nose. “And why is that?”

“Ignoring the fact that this guy has arguably one of the lamest classic cars around, he didn’t use their name once? Not once, in all the time they spent together? That’s really disrespectful.”

“Some people are just pet name people,” Namjoon argues.

“With absolute strangers, though? It’s really giving the impression that he didn’t even know it, not to mention some people are uncomfortable with pet names. The whole shtick is super lame.”

“I agree it sounds a bit misguided, but—”

Ignoring Namjoon, you say, “Sorry you had to go on a date with the ghost of less-cool James Dean. Into the garbage he goes.”

And, just like he’s done a million times before, Namjoon rolls his eyes and says, “If you really like this guy and want to see him again, a bit of communication will go a long way. Tell him the pet name made you uncomfortable—if it did—and offer to pick him up for the next date. I don’t think he’s completely destined for the garbage, yet.”

“You’re just saying that because you don’t have a license. You probably think a 1967 Pontiac GTO is the pinnacle of romance. That’s probably like picking someone up on a Specialized Aethos to you, eh?”

“That’s a fifteen-thousand dollar bike, I’ll have you know.”

You groan. “Oh my god.”

Ep: #183 - Namjoon is a Virgin

I think Namjoon had the right idea on this one. Sure, the car can be considered lame, but I think a lot of men are deeply insecure and therefore overcompensate when it comes to dating. Women are hard to impress when they have unlimited options. You have to stand out, so I’m glad he advocated for him. Piper can come off like such a misandrist sometimes. (-649) ↳ just shut up bro namjoon would fuckin hate u (+204) ↳ Imagine caring about something like this when they’re getting a cat together 🙄 (+19)

You think about the cat thing for nearly a week.

Adopting a cat is certainly not the worst idea you’ve ever had, and truth be told it’s been a little lonely, living by yourself. No more Yoongi in your space; no more Holly. So, having a new little friend around might do you some good.

It’s just—

It’s a big commitment, and there’s also the dog sitting-shaped elephant in the room. Ending things on good terms means you’re still Yoongi’s second-choice sitter whenever he has to go out of town, and while you love Holly dearly (the two of you had adopted him together, after all), he’s a lot like his father in a lot of ways.

Should I get a cat, you type out, and it’s only been in Yoongi’s inbox a few seconds before the most unflattering picture you’ve ever taken of him is flashing across your screen.

“Are you dying?” you ask, because Yoongi doesn’t call you for much else.

And you already know what his response is going to be. “We’re all dying.”

“Lighten up, Yoongi. One might say being so existentially nihilistic before noon causes wrinkles.”

There’s a split-second pause. “It’s nine p.m.”

“Sure, but it’s before tomorrow’s noon, so it still counts.”

“Whatever. Listen, before you adopt that cat, I need a favor.”

“You going out of town again?”

“Yeah. Shouldn’t be long, though. A week at the most, five days if I’m lucky.”

“That’s fine, bring him over whenever. Yijeong’s busy?”

This pause is far, far longer. “No,” comes Yoongi’s eventual response, but it’s slow. Unsure. A two-letter word has never taken so long to say in the history of ever. “He’s, uh. Coming with me?”

Oh, you think. This is where your ex awkwardly and hesitantly breaks the news of his new relationship. You’ve known this day was coming, and this is what you get for staying friends with him. “This is a fanfiction plot,” you accuse. “Hot, mysterious man moves into a gaudy apartment complex after ending a long-term relationship and meets his equally-hot and mysterious neighbor and they fall in love.”

“I—that’s not—my apartment is not gaudy.”

“Yes it is. There’s a giant gold bust of a weird bird in the lobby.”

“Weird bird?” he parrots. “It’s a swan.”

“I see you’re not denying the in-love-with-your-neighbor accusations.”

“Am I on trial?” Yoongi retorts, and it’s such a Yoongi thing to say when what he means is, is this okay? He means, are we able to talk about this without it being weird? He means, I won’t ever say as much out loud, but your acceptance means a lot to me, and I’d like for you to give me this.

So you lower your voice and soften the edges because it’s not really something to joke about, and you say, “No, of course you’re not on trial,” and Yoongi knows what you mean. “And if you were, you'd get locked up for fifty years. You can’t lie for shit.”

There’s a beat of silence before he clears his throat, mutters a thanks that is so quiet you almost don’t catch it. “Send me pictures of the cats.”

Later on, once you’re freshly-showered and tucked into bed with a candle and a book (Eloge de l’amour by Alain Badiou at Namjoon’s insistence and request), your phone buzzes with a text from Yoongi—

Yoongi: toddler is a fucking hilarious name for a cat but so is flat Yoongi: it’s a tie for me You: Okay well pick one 🙄 Yoongi: yijeong says get both You: Both???? Is he paying my vet bills? Yoongi: kinda out of line to proposition him for money. flat is also good with dogs, js You: If he’s now being raised by you two, my perfect, well-behaved son is probably long gone. Does he even count as a dog anymore? Yoongi: me and yijeong both say fuck off Yoongi: holly too. he says he doesn’t miss you anymore and he’s not coming over now Yoongi has added Yijeong to the group Yoongi has changed the group name to #ThirdWheelChat Yijeong: Please don’t drag me into this. Also I did not say “fuck off” You have changed the group name to People Who Have Seen Yoongi Naked Yoongi: fuck you

You should’ve known something was going on with Jungkook, because it’d started like this:

(When you and Namjoon started the podcast three years ago, it was in the living room of his apartment.

Surrounded by books and plants. He loved to record in the afternoons back then—Namjoon loved to say it was because of his grad school schedule, but you’ve always suspected he just wanted to preen in the golden hour light, much like he’s doing now.

“Is this really necessary?” Jungkook whines from his spot on the couch. He’s already swindled Namjoon out of two bags of microwavable popcorn and three cans of sparkling water. “It’s a Saturday afternoon; I could be doing something so much more fun than this.”

Namjoon scoffs. “Are you saying this isn’t fun?”

“Yeah. It sucks, actually. This could’ve been an email.”

And because Namjoon is accomplished, mature, and absolutely incapable of not taking Jungkook’s bait, the space between his brows creases as he sends a murderous glare Jungkook’s way. “Stop eating my food, then. And drinking my drinks. And lounging on my couch like that—”

“I’m not lounging,” Jungkook argues.

“You’re manspreading all over the leather!”

“This is how I sit!”

“Well, knock it off! My couch is only for fun and people who think I’m fun!”

Jungkook rolls his eyes. “So you fuck on it?”

“What?”

“What other fun things could you possibly do on a couch?”

Namjoon blinks. “Watch… watch a movie?”

Jungkook groans, throws himself backwards against the pillows as if he’s suffering a Victorian ailment. “Jesus. No wonder you can’t score a second date.”

“Okay, that was a little uncalled for. There are a ton of reasons a person might not want a second date, and no one is obligated to go out with me—”

“Uh-huh. Anyway—”

You clear your throat. Try to hide your own can of seltzer you’d taken from Namjoon’s fridge in the midst of his and Jungkook’s bickering. “Not trying to be rude, but I have an appointment at the shelter at three. If, y’know. You wouldn’t mind speeding this up a little.”

“Oh! Yeah, of course—”

“Oh, so you’ll speed this up for her but not—”

Namjoon pinches the bridge of his nose. “She,” he begins, jerking his thumb in your direction, “isn’t needlessly complaining and actually has someplace to be.”)

It was just a quick little rendezvous in Namjoon’s living room to come up with a rough draft for the following month’s episodes. He couldn’t do it over text because he’d fallen down the steps at his office and landed on his ass on the corner of a step and his phone had been in his back pocket. Cracked clean in half. And he couldn’t do it over email because he—rightfully—knew Jungkook would ignore them because he has his inbox set up to send all of Namjoon’s personal emails to the trash.

But Jungkook holds onto things like that. Grudges. Loves to let Namjoon think bygones are bygones and pop up a few days later with some evil scheme. Hence:

“What is this?”

Jungkook smirks. Rocks back on his heels. “It’s fanfiction.”

“I can see that, but… why?”

This is where Jungkook shines: the ominous, cheshire cat grin; the aw, shucks demeanor that gaslights Namjoon into thinking Jungkook couldn’t possibly be fucking with him. “Well, you were having trouble coming up with ideas for episodes, and there’s an email in there from someone whose partner reads really expli—”

“Jungkook, this is fanfiction about me.”

You can’t help the laugh that escapes you. Of all the weird shit you’ve seen on the internet (and there’s been a lot), fanfiction of people you know—your friends—was something you’d managed to escape. Probably by virtue of not knowing anyone famous enough to warrant fanfiction being written about them.

But you should’ve known. You really, really should’ve known.

“Oh my god?”

You’re not sure who says it. Could be you or Namjoon, but the sentiment is the same. He mouths a what the fuck at you that’s met with a shrug. You’re in uncharted territory now, too. “Where did you even find this?” you ask, taking the stack of papers from Namjoon. “And why did you print it out?”

“Because I’m going to track down whoever wrote it and get them to autograph it. Then I’m going to buy a nice frame and hang it on the wall behind him, so we never forget this historical moment in Place Him Gently in the Garbage lore.”

“It’s a podcast,” Namjoon deadpans, “how can it have lore? And how much lore can there possibly be?”

“It’s the internet,” you concede. “The lore possibilities are endless. Don’t tempt them.”

Jungkook nods sagely, well-versed in the degeneracy of the internet. “Yeah, that’s how you end up with shit like 4chan.”

“4chan? There’s Space Jam porn on there.”

As the youngest, all Jungkook can do is roll his eyes. “Sometimes explaining this shit to you feels like trying to teach old people how to rotate PDFs—”

Namjoon scoffs. “I’m not that bad. I know how to rotate a PDF.”

Wow, Jungkook mouths. “Anyway, back to the fanfiction—”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Namjoon interjects. He looks at you. “It’s weird, right? Like, it’s weird that people have written this about us?”

About us.

Your scope of the world narrows to the size of a pinhead. It’d just been about Namjoon before. This is fanfiction about me, he’d said, and you hadn’t been included in that. Now it’s written about us and you’re included.

“I—what?”

“It’s about us,” Namjoon repeats.

Jungkook rolls his lips. “It’s about the two of you fucking, to be specific.”

“Can you not—”

“Fucking a lot,” Jungkook continues. “So much fucking.”

Namjoon looks at you, and it’s all you can do to keep from laughing. The look on his face is pure bewilderment, both that Jungkook has cooked up this idea and is hell-bent on executing it and that he remains employed. And maybe it’s a little bit of nerves, too, because neither of you are ignorant of the risks. Reading fanfiction about yourselves—about the two of you as a couple, specifically, or at least two people who have sex—is weird. Not something you can unread.

And maybe it’s because you’re so determined to not make it weird that you send Namjoon a cheeky, exaggerated wink, shrug your shoulders, and say, “I’ll need a couple drinks, but I’m down.”

Jungkook throws his head back and cackles wildly, and that look of bewilderment on Namjoon’s face morphs into something else. Trepidation, maybe; definitely disbelief, because sometimes he lets himself get swept away in Jungkook’s schemes, but it’s rare that you follow suit.

As Jungkook continues to laugh, you wonder if you should’ve said no.

Namjoon has two stipulations: the two of you have to film the episode completely alone, and he, too, needs to be a little drunk.

The latter? Piece of cake, considering Namjoon has become some sort of whiskey aficionado in recent years. His drinking is streamlined and to the point—he knows exactly how much and what to drink to get him where he wants to be. You can’t say he isn’t efficient.

The former, though? Borderline impossible. From the second Namjoon states his terms, Jungkook is having none of it. Argues that he’s the one who found the story and the one who cleared it with the author, so he deserves to witness the fruits of his labor.

“No,” Namjoon repeats for the nth time, “no way. I’ll barely be able to do this with just her, let alone both of you.”

And that—that doesn’t bother you, right? You force a laugh, because why would it bother you?

There are few secrets between you and Namjoon, except your respective sex lives have been staunchly off-limits. Namjoon could be a virgin for all you know, and as you study him—the way he keeps bobbing his leg, the slight shake in his hands—you wonder if that’s the reason he’s being so weird about this.

It’s just a story.

Fiction.

Most people don’t have to worry about someone writing stories about them fucking their friends. If they do, you reckon even less actually read them. So, sure, it’s a little strange, but people from all over the world send in stranger stuff all the time, don’t they? It’s literally the reason you’re in this predicament.

Eventually Jungkook agrees. His whining has gotten him nowhere, so he just throws up his hands. Posts a cryptic little “u guys won’t believe what the next patreon ep is lmao” that sends the internet into a frenzy. Doubles your Patreon numbers almost immediately, and both you and Namjoon do a good job of pretending the pressure isn’t overwhelming.

Jesus. You have to read explicit fanfiction about yourselves. On camera.

Namjoon gets caught up with work and isn’t available until the weekend, so you’re forced to sit with the nerves for a few days. Not too bad at first, but you’re nearly coming out of your skin by Thursday with the need to know. You’re well-versed in the world of fanfiction, but this is fanfiction about you: your name, your likeness, maybe even your personality.

What will they know of Namjoon, though?

Will they get it right, the way he looks with his jaw clenched? How impossibly deep his voice can go, both when it’s raspy with sleep and when he’s fully at ease? Will the Namjoon in the story be closer to the Namjoon you know, or the version of himself he presents to the public?

And you’ve known him a long time—long enough that there are few secrets between you, but you don’t know the most intimate parts. All the parts the internet loves to speculate on. All the little gaps that, apparently, need to be filled in by fanfiction.

Will they know what Namjoon looks like when he gets off?

No, you scold yourself, jerking awkwardly like you’ve been burned, and neither will you.

Because you are not going to think about this. Your thoughts are not going to go there. Namjoon is your friend, and you’ve listened to him scold an endless amount of men on the podcast for exactly this behavior. Sexualizing their friends. You’re not going to do it, too.

Maybe that’s why you’re kind of seeing double when it comes time to record. Namjoon needed an extra shot and offered you one as well. You’d necked it without a second thought and now you’re here, trying to ignore the slight tilt of the room as Namjoon adjusts the camera.

“How’s the shot look?” he asks, gesturing vaguely behind him at his laptop screen because Jungkook had refused to lend you his fancy cameras if he wasn’t allowed to be involved.

It’s a completely normal question.

It’s a question you’ve asked and answered a million times.

Except—there’s something horribly distracting about Namjoon in this moment. The outline of his back muscles through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. The way the sleeves are tight around his biceps. He’s always been a gym rat, always carries around a protein shake that smells and looks completely foul, but you can’t remember it ever being this obvious.

And you take too long to answer, because Namjoon straightens up just enough to send you a concerned look. Which does not help. You are not imagining what else might cause his brows to pinch like that, what might have his lips parting, have sweat dotting his hairline.

You swallow. Hard.

“Looks fine,” you manage to say. He’s still staring. Are you on fire? You feel like you’re on fire, which would make sense. Would explain Namjoon’s sweating and concerned stare and the fact that he cannot stop staring at you. “Maybe a tiny bit to the right if we’re being picky,” you tack on, hoping it’ll break whatever spell the two of you are ensnared in.

It works. “To the—the right, yeah, makes sense,” he rambles.

He moves it an inch to the left.

—

Things are tense, to say the least.

Recording hasn’t been this awkward since your first episode, or maybe ever. You’re sat across from one another like you always are, and usually Namjoon would be making quip after quip by now, talking endlessly until Jungkook shushed him long enough to get the intro filmed. Now, there’s just silence.

“Should we…?” Namjoon startles. Bangs his knee on the underside of the table and drops a string of curses. “Sorry, are you—”

“I’m fine,” he says, cutting you off. He gestures vaguely toward the camera. “I’ll just… yeah.”

Showtime.

You wipe your hands on your jeans, unsure of when they got so damp. Unsure of when you’d grown so nervous, too, because you’d been fine an hour ago. Had strolled in with two cups of tea and a little too much confidence, giddy at what you were about to do.

Maybe the nerves had shown up alongside the alcohol. This sounds reasonable, and you do not, under any circumstance or for any reason, think about Namjoon’s back. Or his biceps.

Namjoon makes it through the intro, dimples deep and wide as he smiles, and you also don’t think about the way his voice cracks and gets a little breathy when he introduces you. It’s only because he’d been drinking, and the flush on his cheeks attests to that. The same flush that creeps down his neck, still a little sweaty; disappears beneath the hemline of his shirt.

“—Jungkook had. Right, Piper?”

Now it’s your turn to startle, and there’s not much you can do to hide the obvious except ask Namjoon to redo the shot. Because it’s bad enough the internet already overanalyzes every move you make, every word choice, every instance you’ve stared at Namjoon a second longer than they thought you would—this is a blatant display of… affectedness.

“Sorry,” you say, “I wasn't paying attention. Can we redo it?”

You’re expecting a playful scolding. A ha ha, get it together, because that’s what you usually get. But there’s nothing aside from Namjoon studying you and nodding. Asking if you’re okay. Saying, “Is this—this is weird, right? Is it too weird? Maybe we shouldn’t—”

An out. Namjoon is giving you an out, and you should take it, you know you should take it, so there’s absolutely no reason at all you shake your head and say, “No, no, it’s fine! I think I’m just a little, uh. Drunk?”

“Are you sure? We can—”

“It’s fine, Joon,” you insist. “Besides, it’ll be good content, right?”

“Good content,” he parrots. “Yeah, for sure.” He fidgets in his seat, runs his hands down the span of his thighs. Very, very thick thighs. “I’ll grab us some water.”

You faceplant onto the table as soon as he’s out of the room. When did his thighs get so thick?

But the water helps. Cures whatever strange, insatiable thirst has come over you, because you feel much more human after a few glasses. Less drunk, too, which makes sense. Yoongi could barely escape your drunken, horny wrath when the two of you were together, so you chalk it up to a Pavlovian response.

Namjoon does the intro again. Introduces you strong and steady, not a hint of nerves, and explains, with a fresh blush taking over his upper body, what the episode’s going to be about. “Someone wrote fanfiction about us,” he says, scratching at the back of his neck. “It’s, uh, pretty explicit. Jungkook thought it’d be funny if we read it.”

You snort. “He might get fired, depending on how this goes.”

“He should get fired regardless,” Namjoon deadpans. “Anyway, we have permission from the author to read this so don’t come after us, and, as always, we’ll put all the credits in the video description.”

“Special shoutout to Jungkook, though, who was not allowed to be here with us for this momentous occasion.”

Namjoon laughs. “I’m sure he’s having plenty of fun at home.” You both pause. “That’s not—I’m not implying anything with that! I just meant—you know, like. He’s hanging out and enjoying his day off.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Moving on. I have two copies of this. Do you want your own?”

You grin, wicked and wide. “Nah, just read it to me.”

“Making me do all the work,” he huffs. “Typical.”

“There’s a stack of papers in front of you that might say otherwise.”

It’s clear you catch him off-guard. He cocks an eyebrow, opens and shuts his mouth a few times like a goldfish. An obvious question sits on the tip of his tongue: You think you’d be in charge? Instead he coughs, jerks his head to the side, and says, “I guess we’ll see.”

It sounds like a challenge.

Thirty seconds is all you get before Namjoon’s shuffling his stack of papers and clearing his throat. Asking if you’re ready and jumping right into it once you say you are. Reads the first few lines like they’re some old lecture notes, and they’re conservative and safe-for-work enough that you start to relax.

And then Namjoon reads, “A louder one wonders if Namjoon is a pet name person—if he’d call her ‘honey,’ or ‘gummy bear,’ ‘babe,’ or ‘baby,’” and you choke.

“Gummy bear?”

Namjoon laughs along with you—the weird one that almost sounds like a dog panting. “You want me to call you gummy bear?”

“I want you to call me a Lyft,” you snark. “I’m leaving.”

He continues:

And that’s how it starts, wandering thoughts, wandering fingers—the first time Piper comes to the thought of Namjoon calling her baby, pushing inside her, showing her that he definitely doesn’t beg, but she does… Well, she’s a little ashamed. She’s apparently got a reputation to maintain, anyway, not to mention a friendship.

His eyes leave the paper and lock onto you. “Or maybe you’d prefer baby?”

“Fuck off.”

Weeks after that first time, it’s become a habit, thinking about Namjoon as something more than a friend. It’s confusing and a little mortifying and it’s starting to affect her in ways she hadn’t expected. When they record, she feels fidgety—she’s jumpy when he gets close, has all the stupid obvious tells of an unwanted crush: her breath hitches when he whispers (why the fuck is he whispering in her ear, anyway? Doesn’t he know what that does to a person?) inside jokes to her so Jungkook can’t hear, her heart rate spikes when their fingers accidentally brush, she feels itchy and hot and a little embarrassed whenever he holds eye contact with her. It’s terrible, and it’s only made worse by the way he’s doing all of those things more than usual. Or, at least she thinks he is, thinks she’s not imagining the way his eyes linger on her more than she can remember happening before or the way she’s caught him staring at her lips when she chews on the end of her pencil mindlessly. 

You’ve completely forgotten how to breathe.

Namjoon’s staring again. You need to salvage this. He’s only on paragraph three and you’re already squirming in your chair and imagining things that are not appropriate. So you roll your lips, return his teasing. “Well? Do you stare at my lips?”

It works. “No,” he scowls.

“You sure?” you joke, morphing your face into something half-pout, half-duck face.

“We’re never gonna finish this if you keep making comments.”

“You started it,” you point out. “Go on, then.”

There’s some dialogue. Some prose that hits way too close to home, has you wondering who on earth wrote this and how they plucked every single thought from deep within your psyche. A pang of fear that maybe you haven’t been as subtle as you’d thought all these years. A moment to confirm to yourself that, no, you haven’t been harboring a secret, deeply-buried crush on Namjoon.

Then he reads—

And then he kisses her. It’s greedy and hot, his lips like a branding iron. She moans a little against her better judgment when he licks at the seam of her mouth, and in return, she can feel Namjoon’s lips curve into a smile against her own. It’s better than she’d been imagining it, really. He’s a good kisser—firm at the right times, soft when she needs it, careful but not cautious. He holds her jaw with one hand and keeps her right where he wants her beneath him (as if she’d want to move, anyway).  When their lips finally part, he rests his forehead on hers. It’s intimate in a way she hadn’t expected, and he looks at her as if she’s the answer to every question. Finally, he whispers, “What’re we doing, Piper?” His lips are still wet and pink and a little swollen from kissing, and she barely hears the question—she’s too busy thinking about kissing him again, about pulling his plump bottom lip between her teeth, teasing and…  “Kissing,” she says finally.  “What do you want?” he asks, sinking to his knees in front of her. And if that alone isn’t an answer to his question… “Whatever you’re willing to give,” she replies. It feels like she’s wanted this forever, this and so much more. Once she got the idea in her head, it’s hard to know if she ever felt differently, ever truly thought they could just be friends. Or, if in the back of her mind, in the dark corners that she never lets see daylight, she always knew she wanted Namjoon. Always knew she loved him.

—and everything goes right out the fucking window.

Namjoon sits with those words for a moment. Scans the paper in his hands and frowns a little when he confirms what you already know. “The rest is, uh. Porn.”

“That is why we’re here.”

“Last chance to back out.”

“I’m not scared,” you lie. “Are you? You’re the one who keeps stalling.”

He huffs. “You’re a pain in my ass,” he retorts, and then nothing is all that funny anymore.

Because Namjoon was right: the rest is straight-up porn. He’s barely able to read the part where he goes down on you with a straight face, turning a deep shade of crimson. Stutters through the part where you pull his hair, and that is not something you needed to know about your friend. You think he loses his grasp of language entirely when he reads, “When he slides a long finger into her and brushes past her most sensitive spot, she arches into him and lets his name fall from her lips in a soft cry. Piper, notorious skeptic, is a babbling, trembling mess as she gets closer to her orgasm,” because all the words are garbled together, producing nothing but gibberish. You think he’s ready to keel over and die when he reads, “Namjoon pulls away briefly, lips slick with her juices, and licks over his top one, pausing to tell her how good she tastes before he dives back in.”

“That was nice of them to include. I appreciate their attention to detail in regards to my personal hygiene.”

“This is so embarrassing,” he whines.

You roll your eyes good-naturedly. “Gimme. I’ll finish it.” He hands over the papers immediately.

Except you regret it immediately. The words you’re staring at are not words you ever thought you’d read or recite in your entire life. Not even for a million dollars. “Oh,” you say instead.

“See? Not as easy as it looks.”

“This is really embarrassing,” you confirm. “I might need another shot.”

“Y-yeah. Alcohol sounds good.”

Namjoon staggers forward obligingly, looks completely fucked out and pliant, willing to do whatever she asks. She remembers the sounds he made when she pulled his hair, wonders if he likes being bossed around, if he wants her to tell him what to do, to be a little mean to him. Maybe it’s different from her dreams, maybe he will beg her. She wants him so badly, she’d do anything for him. So, she pulls his briefs down to expose his absurdly large member, already mostly hard, and slaps it. Gently at first to see how he’ll react, and when he shudders and jerks his hips, she does it again, a little harder. “Look at you,” she whispers, “such a needy boy.”  He whimpers at that, eyes pleading. “Please, Piper…” he whines.   “Please what?” “Please let me fuck you,” he begs. She wants to, wants him so much, wants to feel him stretch her open, and from the looks of his cock, thick and long and drooling with precum, he could. “Should I?” she asks. She musters all her confidence to keep the condescending tone up. It feels wrong given how desperate she is to get him inside her, but it also seems to be getting him worked up and equally as desperate. “Do you even know what to do with that big, stupid cock?”  Namjoon’s cock twitches, and he begs, “I—I’ll fuck you so good, Piper…. I know how, I promise. Just… please?”

“Oh my god,” the two of you say in unison.

You so badly want to ask if this is biographical. How Namjoon feels about a little degradation; what he’d do if someone actually called his cock stupid. Ifsomeone has called his cock stupid. You dare a glance at him and conclude that someone’s had to. Namjoon just has that kind of energy.

But you can’t ask because it’d be weird, so you keep reading.

“How do you want me?” she asks softly when their lips part. There’s a wild look in his eyes, like he’s processing all the possible options out of everything he’s considered. And then it occurs to her. “Have you imagined this before? Thought about how you’d fuck me?” she teases him as she stands, stepping into him. Piper pushes one hand through his hair, brushing it back off of his forehead and wraps her other around his dick, squeezing a little for emphasis on her words. “Yes,” he groans as she strokes him, thumbing at the head of his cock. “Tell me what you want, then. Want me on all fours for you? Want me to show you how it’s done, to let you lay back and ride you so you don’t have to put in any work?” Namjoon’s breathing is getting heavy, pupils blown wider with each suggestion. 

“I told you!” you shriek, laughing in between the words. “I told you I’d…” And then your gloating tapers off, because what happens next has your brain malfunctioning.

“All of that,” he whines as she lets go of his hair and brings her hand down to run a fingertip over his perineum. “Want all of that. Want to bend you over the table and fuck you right here. Hear your sounds in the microphone.” Even in her dirtiest thoughts about him, she hadn’t considered the microphone, hadn’t considered recording it. When she thinks about it though, it makes sense. Namjoon is exactly the kind of person that would get off to someone’s voice. So, she does. She makes a show of turning around and slowly bending over the table, sliding her upper body across it carefully until she can reach her microphone and turn it on. When she says into it, “What’re you waiting for?” she sees over her shoulder the way that Namjoon shivers.

This is… not good. You’re never going to be able to look at a microphone the same way, which is extremely not good for a person who supplements their income with a very popular podcast that requires them to speak into a microphone for extended periods of time.

This is very, very bad.

Namjoon must be thinking the same, because he lets out a strangled a-haaa that’s less of a laugh and more a plea to God, the gods, the entire gamut of higher powers that might be able to save him. No one’s going to, you think, staring down at the paper again. This godless piece of fanfiction will be preserved on the internet forever, will be seared into your mind forever, and no amount of praying is going to erase it.

“I should, uh. Just read the rest, yeah? Get it over with?”

“Mhm. Yep. Yes, please.”

Don’t say please, you almost say. You can’t take it; not after what you’ve just read.

So you put on a show. Steel your expression and your nerves and take it seriously. Use voices and sound effects and desperately try to stave off the awkwardness you know is inevitable because a smut fic is probably only going to end one way, and that’s with you acting out Namjoon having an orgasm.

Maybe you’ll have another one, too, if the author is nice.

It’s sweet, she thinks, the way he’s easy for her, takes his time with her. Strokes his fingertips along her sides and kisses the back of her neck reverently. As much as she loves it, part of her hopes he’s not always like this—hopes he’ll give as good as he takes, hopes he’ll put her in her place. She can feel his cock hard against the cleft of her ass, not even inside her yet, and still, she thinks about next time and the time after that. “Still okay?” He breathes into her ear as his tip rubs against her cunt.  “Yeah—want you, Joon.”  “Never thought I’d hear you say those words.”  “I never thought you’d record them,” she teases, eyes glancing up to the flashing light showing the mic picking up all of this as he starts his slow slide into her.  Piper falls even further forward when he bottoms out, letting her forehead rest on the table. He’s whispering filth in her ear, about how he has something to prove, how she’ll never want anyone after this, how no one can fuck her the way he does.  She hates that he’s right.  Each stroke brings a new sensation: sparklers, butterflies, nerve endings on fire as he fucks into her and licks and sucks at her neck, her shoulders, her ear. Piper can’t even think, and this is what people mean when they talk about being fucked stupid, she decides.  It’s perfect.  Every time she thinks she’s getting close again, he changes something: fucks her a little shallower, moves his hips just a little, slows down, speeds up… It’s driving her crazy.  “Come on,” she whines. “I’m so close…” At least she can tell he is, too. No longer able to sustain the dirty talk, he’s breathing heavily, letting out broken moans and sighs of her name. He’s moving rhythmically now, thrusts consistently faster.  “Oh, fuck, Piper,” he groans, “Gonna cum.” One of his hands finds her clit and he rubs careful circles over her, bringing her to her peak along with him, no more teasing.  When she comes, it’s with a loud moan into the studio mic, and that seems to be what tips Namjoon over the edge, too. His hips stutter into hers as he comes, her cunt clenching around him for what feels like forever.

You deserve an award, you think. An Oscar. You didn’t even groan when you had to read the word “cunt,” and that’s a feat in and of itself.

“Is it over?” Namjoon asks, words muffled by the hands covering his face.

“Not quite,” you answer. “There’s some aftercare, and at the end you ask if I’ll piss on you.”

Namjoon gags. “I asked you what—”

“Today’s episode has been brought to you by Stamps-dot-com—”

HOLY SHIT THE NEW PATREON EPISODE???????? Posted by u/pod-shipper 4 minutes ago NO WAY. NOOOOOOO FUCKING WAY DUDE THERE’S NO FUCKING WAY THEY DID THIS AS AN ACTUAL EPISODE WHAT THE FUCK WHAT HTE FUCK WHAT EHTU FKF DFGLKDG;L (+705) I wasn’t sure if they were messing around before, and I was quite critical of the “shippers,” but now I’m pretty convinced. (+423) ↳ we’ve been telling y’all for YEARS 😤 (+197) ↳ Glad you’ve seen the light, u/RandomAcorn2058! (+5) ↳ ugh. they weren’t messing around before and they aren’t messing around now. do you guys not listen to what they say? namjoon’s been dating, and piper got out of a six-year relationship just over a year ago. if they’ve had something going on for “years” that means they’re both cheaters, and that’s a really shitty thing to assume about them. not to mention it makes the entire point of the podcast moot. (-63) Why do you guys think Jungkook “wasn’t allowed” to be there? (+314) ↳ So they could fuck lmao it’s so obvious (+329) ↳ because it’s awkward af? would you wanna read porn about yourself w all your coworkers in the room? (+2) ↳ the “it’s awkward” excuse is sooooo lame he’s the one who found it and is the one who edited the episode, he’s gonna see it regardless. (+15) ↳ Tbh I’m more curious about how he even found it to begin with? Do they have a throuple thing going on? Like, why was he looking for smut fic about his bosses? (+38)

You do not get through recording unscathed.

You are very scathed. Perhaps the most scathed a person has ever been.

Jungkook texts the group chat sporadically throughout the week, cracking jokes and making memes at your and Namjoon’s expense which is par for the course and shouldn’t have you off-kilter, but something inside you feels deeply wrong. Feels like someone’s given you devastating news; feels like it used to back in uni when you knew you’d failed an exam and were just waiting to see how badly.

It both helps and doesn’t that the internet is so invested. All the clips Jungkook keeps posting have re-doubled your Patreon numbers, and jumping up a tax bracket never hurt anyone, you included. But all of those jokes and memes largely went unanswered by both you and Namjoon, still too close to the incident to find the humor in it from the other side.

The two of you had sex.

Not literally, of course, but you figure you might as well have with the way you’re feeling. The way you’re avoiding one another. Someone wrote a story about the two of you having sex and you both read it and something about that, days later, feels really fucking unsettling.

In a bad way? You aren’t sure. It’s not like you’re mad or upset or any other synonym. You just feel… off. Itchy from the inside out, and that’s far from the norm in your and Namjoon’s friendship. In all the years you’ve known one another, you’ve never once avoided each other, including the time you’d set him up with a close friend and he showed up 45 minutes late to their date and ghosted after.

(Unsurprisingly, that friendship had not lasted.)

Maybe it’s because Yoongi had always been there as a buffer. You aren’t of the belief that men and women cannot be platonic friends, but being in a years-long committed relationship nixed a lot of awkward interactions and assumptions off the bat. Even Namjoon had known Yoongi first. Had introduced himself to you in your shared 100-level psych course with a, “Hey, you’re Min Yoongi’s girlfriend, right?” because they ran in the same underground circles and Namjoon had idolized him from afar for years.

Pretty fucked up, then, that Yoongi’s off in Los Angeles with his hot new boyfriend and you’re on your couch, Holly at your feet, pointedly ignoring your texts.

“I’m gonna get a cat,” you say to the dog, trying to redirect his attention when he starts chewing on your sock again. Holly doesn’t offer any input, of course, and he’s a lot like his father in that way. “I can’t believe you have a stepfather. You’re a proper child of divorce now, Min Holly.”

There are a pile of unread texts you continue to ignore in lieu of showing Holly pictures of adoptable cats. A few more memes from Jungkook, one from Namjoon’s new phone asking to move the recording date a few days because “something came up at work,” one from the food delivery service you admittedly use too much offering 10% off your next order, and two from Yoongi. This reminded me of you, the first one says beneath a picture of an ice cream cone on the ground, and another one of him holding a water gun that says send me a picture of my son or else.

You eventually reply back with a picture of your middle finger, Holly nothing but a blurred brown blob in the corner of the frame.

That’s how it goes for the better part of a week. Namjoon’s work issue lasts four days. He doesn’t offer an explanation and you don’t ask for one, you just wait for the all-clear text and try to quiet the nerves once you get it.

You’ve never been nervous to see Namjoon before.

The more popular the podcast became, the more money rolled in. The more money that rolled in, the more you could afford nicer things. That meant going from recording in Namjoon’s living room to a bona fide office space. Third floor, an expanse of windows and natural light, thirty-five minute commute by train.

Today, it feels more like thirty-five seconds.

You can hear Jungkook’s witch cackle from the stairwell, and your mind fills in the blanks of Namjoon’s exasperated sigh. It helps, your brain reminding you that you know these people. You know this is Jungkook’s late gym day, so he’ll be in a pair of sweats and a hoodie that drowns his frame. You know that when Namjoon has work issues and feels like an inconvenience, he always shows up with two boxes of baked goods from the bakery near his place, and you know both of them will save the best donut for you.

So you walk in and Jungkook’s in a hoodie and sweats just like you expect him to be, and there are two boxes of baked goods next to the coffee machine. Both of them say hello and wave and, for all intents and purposes, everything is normal.

Except it isn’t.

Because Namjoon looks… different.

Not in a bad way. Not in a bad way. He almost always dresses nicely, always looks polished and put-together, usually because he’s either going to or coming from campus—fitted shirts, either of the tee or dress variety, and earth-toned cardigans; tailored trousers that are sometimes corduroy; polished loafers. Sometimes, if he’s feeling extra casual, a stark white pair of tennis shoes.

Today, he wears none of those things.

No, today torture comes in the form of form-fitting jeans and a t-shirt a little oversized so he can roll the sleeves. His hair is brushed back off his face instead of parted down the middle. He’s wearing gold jewelry that glints in the sun. A pair of off-white Converse high-tops. And, much to your horror, he’s also wearing his glasses.

According to the internet, Kim Namjoon is peak husband material, which you can usually ignore, but not when he’s wearing glasses.

You avert your gaze, convinced you’ll burst into flames if you stare too long, not to mention Jungkook will notice and that’s a ribbing you’d rather die than take. So you avert your gaze and pointedly ignore Namjoon, who’s talking about his work crisis to no one in particular. Something about a co-worker going on an unexpectedly early paternity leave, and Namjoon being asked to cover some of his courses until they could find a more permanent fix.

Jungkook asks a question you don’t catch. Because paternity leave means his co-worker and his partner had a baby, presumably via old-fashioned methods, and it’s not a direct mention of sex but it’s close enough to send you into a coughing fit you have to blame on your donut. Neither of them buy it, but Namjoon is a good enough person to look genuinely concerned. Reaches out, probably to slap your back, but the thought of him touching you is just… too much.

So he barely gets out an, “Are you o—” before you choke down whatever’s left in your mouth and cut him off with a, “Yep, all good!” before you’re scurrying off to the opposite side of the room like a little rat.

It doesn’t get any better.

Both of you are so stilted and awkward during recording that Jungkook has to be the voice of reason and call it, suggest trying again tomorrow. Luckily he has enough b-side stuff he can release if need be, Namjoon’s work emergency providing a decent cover, and he sends the two of you home for the afternoon with all the exasperation and incredulity of a disappointed parent.

Thirty-five minutes back home.

Thirty-five minutes to sit in the embarrassment of not being able to do your job. Thirty-five minutes to catastrophize and wonder what you’re going to do if you can’t get it together. Namjoon will keep the podcast, of course; you’ll be replaced with someone else. Maybe someone less cynical, maybe someone more, but undoubtedly a man. After this mess, you can’t imagine Namjoon would want another female co-host.

But as embarrassed as you are, your traitorous brain keeps thinking about Namjoon.

Thirty-five minutes to think about his glasses and his rolled-up sleeves and the way the denim of his jeans contoured perfectly to his thighs. Thirty-five minutes to think about, “Please let me fuck you,” he begs. Thirty-five minutes to squeeze your thighs together and overanalyze the way he stumbled over his words today; how he could barely make eye contact. Thirty-five minutes to draft a dozen resignation texts and delete them all.

You groan, head thunking against the train window. You’ll take a cold shower as soon as you get home.

That’ll cure you.

You get home and walk Holly so long he gives up halfway through and you have to carry him back to your apartment. You take a cold shower and actually find it pleasant once the initial shock wears off, so it doesn’t work to keep all your rogue Namjoon thoughts at bay. You make a simple dinner and don’t think about Namjoon sitting you on the counter and having his way with you. You tuck yourself into bed far too early and consider going back to therapy, because clearly something very, very bad has happened to your psyche.

Needless to say, nothing cures you.

But it’s a new day, and you’re determined to get your shit together. Yesterday was a fluke, because you’re so normal and so capable of being in the same room as Kim Namjoon.

Except—you’re not.

Jungkook’s there when you arrive, mindlessly scrolling through his phone. Barely looks up at you to say hello, and barely returns it when you do. You double-check the time, because you can count on two fingers the amount of times you’ve shown up and Namjoon wasn’t already there, jotting down extensively-detailed notes, circling and highlighting and chasing down Jungkook to ask questions.

“Where’s Namjoon?”

Jungkook shrugs. “Dunno. Not here.”

You roll your eyes. “Super helpful, thanks.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes right back. “You don’t pay me enough to also be his handler.”

You bite your tongue. Arguing with Jungkook means you’ve already lost the war. Not worth it. But it still eases your worries a bit that he doesn’t know any more than you do. That Namjoon hadn’t only texted him to say why he was running late because he didn’t want to—or couldn’t—talk to you.

So you wait. And you wait and you wait and you wait. Jungkook lets you talk to people on his dating apps and tells you about his new gym routine until your eyes are glazing over. Orders food delivery for the two of you because he gets hungry after an hour and had already eaten what was left of the snacks before you arrived. Cracks a joke that isn’t really a joke about calling the police, because Namjoon still hasn’t shown up and he hasn’t said anything and none of your texts are showing as delivered.

You’re halfway to hour two when the office door bursts open and Namjoon stumbles through, soaked with sweat and stammering over apologies.

“I am so sor—I broke my phone again so my alarm never went off and then I missed my bus? And apparently they’re not running the regular bus schedule today so the next one was a half-hour wait, but then I…”

You don’t catch the rest, because Namjoon is covered in sweat and breathing heavily and a week ago you could’ve survived this. A week ago you would’ve cracked a joke and handed him a towel and told him to get to work. A week ago you would not have been paralyzed in your seat, transfixed on the sweat rolling down the side of his neck.

You are fucked beyond belief.

Jungkook elbows you in the ribs, bringing you back to reality. “...even paying attention?” You startle, face warming in embarrassment. Namjoon still isn’t looking at you. “This is so sad to watch,” Jungkook mumbles, and thankfully it’s only loud enough for you to hear. “Like some stupid shit you only see in nature documentaries.”

Well, you can’t really argue with that, now can you?

But you’re a professional above all, so you hum an acknowledgment and take your regular seat. Pointedly ignore Jungkook. Wait for Namjoon to assume his position as well, and you’re surprised to see the space in front of him empty. No notes. No script. There’s just… nothing.

“Are you okay?” you ask, gesturing to the space in front of him when he seems confused. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without a stack of notes in front of you.”

“I forgot them.”

“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you do that, either.”

Your tone is light and airy, not at all accusing or confrontational, but Namjoon’s jaw clenches nonetheless. He scoffs, fires a shitty little, “Were you not paying attention when I was talking about what a horrible fucking morning I’ve had?” at you that makes even Jungkook flinch. A few moments of stunned silence, and then, “Oh fuck, I’m so sorry, that was rude—”

“Yeah, it was,” you agree, and all of a sudden you feel too big for your body. Feel like there are ants beneath your skin, feel like everything is wrong, and you don’t want to be here anymore. “It’s fine. Let’s just—”

Namjoon looks like he wants to argue, but he just sighs and says, “I—yeah, okay.”

This is where Namjoon would usually launch into the intro, a dimpled smile already plastered on his face that’d drop as he discussed another failed first date with that brand of self-deprecation that makes him so endearing. This is where he’d say what have you been up to, Pipe, and you’d try not to groan because how hard could it possibly be to add one more letter, another syllable, but Namjoon seems incapable of it. This is the part that, for three years, has been seamless and easy and instinctual, just two friends having a conversation.

There’s a red light on your microphones that indicates you’re recording. It’s on and it mocks you, because Namjoon is not doing the intro or telling you about a failed date. He doesn’t use that cringey nickname. He doesn’t say anything at all. His mouth opens and shuts and no words come out. What’s worse is that you know exactly why he can’t speak, because you’re thinking about it, too.

“So, uh,” you begin, and Jungkook makes a gagging sound from behind you. “Come here often?”

Namjoon ignores you. “Right, right, the intro…” He sucks in a breath. “Welcome back to another episode of Put Him in the Trash, I’m—”

“Joon—”

“Namjoon, and my co-host here is—”

“Joon, that’s not—”

“Piper. Wait, why are you looking at me like that?”

“That’s not the name of our podcast.”

“Huh?”

“You said Put Him in the Trash.” Namjoon just blinks. “It’s Place Him Gently in the Garbage.”

“Is it? Since when?”

“Since forever?”

He looks at Jungkook, who is hiding behind his hands. “Is she right?”

A beat of silence. “I can’t do this,” he half-shouts, half-whines. “Are you two going to be like this forever? Because if you are, I’m quitting. I’m so serious. I’m gonna quit. I can’t take it anymore. The two of you are insufferable.” Another beat of silence, before Jungkook stands at full height and lords over you and Namjoon. “Forget today. Just go home and try again on Monday. This is so—I’m seriously gonna quit.”

Yoongi comes on Saturday afternoon to pick up Holly.

Yijeong isn’t with him, which is almost disappointing. Now that he’s dating again, you were looking forward to seeing just how awkward it could get with the three of you in the same room, but he looks good. Refreshed. The trip clearly did a world of good for him, and you can’t even bring yourself to crack a joke at his expense.

He, however, has no such hang-ups. “You look like shit.”

“Weird way to say thank you.” You click your tongue and look down at Holly. “Do you see how your father treats me? You should bite him.”

“My son would never. But also, thank you.” He flops onto the sofa. “You do look like shit, though. You wanna talk about it?”

“Not with you, preferably.”

“Oh, gross, is it a dating thing, then?”

“I—no.” You pause. It’s not a dating thing, but you still feel like you’ve got motion sickness whenever you think about it. How would you even begin to explain this to Yoongi, anyway? Someone wrote a porn fic about me and Namjoon. You remember Namjoon, right? Namjoon, that I’ve known and have been friends with since college. Yeah, that Namjoon. Anyway, someone wrote fanfiction about us having sex, and it fucked me up so bad I can no longer be in the same room as him.

No fucking way.

“You look like you’re holding in a fart.”

“You know, I’m getting really sick of you. Did you just come here to insult me?”

He snorts, but his smirk dissipates a few seconds later, a familiar seriousness filling the void. “We’re okay, right? Was the Yijeong thing too soon?”

“No,” you answer immediately, leaning over to flick him on the forehead. “We’re fine, and if you’re happy, then I’m happy for you.” He still looks doubtful. “You want me to start singing ‘I Will Always Love You’ or something? It’s just… weird work stuff.”

“Depends. Are you singing the Dolly Parton or Whitney version? And real work or podcast work?”

“Podcast work, and obviously the Whitney version.”

Yoongi seems surprised by this, eyebrows disappearing beneath his fringe. “Like, the podcast with Namjoon?” He presses his tongue into the fat of his cheek when you nod your head. “Not gonna lie, I didn’t think that was possible.”

“Like I said, it’s weird. It wasn’t, like, an argument or anything.”

“How weird?”

“You’re so fake, Min Yoongi. You act like you’re so distinguished and above drama, but really you’re just as hungry for gossip as the rest of us.”

He shrugs. “I’m not denying it.”

God help you, you’re going to rip off the band-aid. “Someone… Jesus, this is so embarrassing. Someone… wrote? Fanfiction? About us.”

“About you and Namjoon?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my god—”

“About us… uh. Having sex? Specifically.”

“Oh my god—”

“Jungkook found it and thought it’d be funny if we read it for an episode.”

“Oh my god?”

“So we did? And it was really weird, which I expected, because I’ve known Namjoon for a long time, and I never, ever thought about having sex with him because we were together and me and Namjoon are friends, so yeah, it was fucking weird. But now… I don’t know. I can’t stop thinking about it? And now we can’t even be in the same room as one another.” Yoongi is a concerning shade of red. “So our show is gonna get canceled, because we can only release b-side stuff for so long until people realize something’s up, and it was Namjoon’s podcast to begin with so obviously I’ll get fired—”

“Oh my god, you want to fuck Namjoon.”

Yoongi sounds like a strangled cat when he says this, which does not help the way you feel like you’ve been hit square in the face with a frying pan. “No,” you argue, though it sounds more like a question. You do not want to fuck Namjoon. “No, no. No. It’s just because it was weird.”

“Did you forget I dated you for six years? I know what you look like when you want to fuck someone.”

“You’re telling me you wouldn’t be weird if someone wrote fanfiction about you fucking your friend?”

“Not if I didn’t actually want to fuck them, no.”

“You’re a liar. Get your dog and get out of my apartment.”

Yoongi laughs as he stands. Pats you on the back in the most condescending way you’ve ever had someone pat you on the back. “Let me know how it goes. No need to give me credit for your moment of horny clarity.”

Min Yoongi is a bastard.

Unfortunately, as you come to find out, he’s also a correct bastard.

You want to fuck Namjoon.

Which is… not great, you have to admit, considering he can barely stand to be around you, so you take another cold shower and decide you’re going to take this to your grave. You’re going to spend the rest of the weekend getting your shit together, and you’re going to show up on Monday and be a consummate professional. You’re going to look at Namjoon and say, ha ha, isn’t it so funny someone thought we would have sex? I don’t think about it at all because I am so cool and normal about it.

You’ve got it all planned out. You’re going to show up fifteen minutes early with your own box of pastries. You’re going to look nice, if not a little pretentious—maybe a nice sweater. You’re going to be prepared with notes of your own. You might even be nice to the villain of the week so Namjoon doesn’t have to pinch the bridge of his nose and sigh at you.

And then someone knocks on your door.

You find Namjoon on the other side, and all your plans immediately go to shit.

Has he always been this tall? You can’t remember. You can’t remember a lot of things, including how to speak, because Yoongi had launched you into a crisis of epic proportions and now here’s the source of it, standing right in front of you. With all of his… height. And thighs. And that heady, musky cologne he always wears, that you can still smell now even though there’s an unfortunate amount of distance between you.

“Uh, hi.”

You blink. “Hi,” you parrot, and it’s a little insulting how one single word seems to have sucked up all of your brainpower. “Namjoon,” you tack on, not awkward at all.

“Sorry to just show up,” he says, scratching at the back of his neck. Very bad idea; makes his biceps bulge. You barely swallow your whimper. “It’s just—my phone’s still broken, and it felt bad leaving things how we did? So I was hoping we could talk.”

Talk. Namjoon wants to talk to you. Normally: not a problem. Currently: big problem. You manage a nod, open the door wider to let him in, and you don’t think about how jarring it is to have Namjoon in your space. You don’t think about how your legs feel like jelly all of a sudden, or what it’d be like if Namjoon bent you over the couch, or the kitchen counter, or the—

You cough. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“Oh, sure. Maybe just some water if you have it.”

If you have it. What kind of person doesn’t have water? But you tell him to make himself comfortable and get him some anyway, and you mull too long over the size of the glass. Ultimately decide on a smaller one, because if things get unbearably awkward you can excuse yourself to the kitchen to get more.

“I haven’t been here in a while,” Namjoon says from the living room, and when you look up he’s sorting through a stack of books near the window. Some he’d lent you months ago, notes jotted in the corners, sticky notes in the shape of sea animals on important pages. “You ever wind up reading this?”

The Idiot. Namjoon had raved about it when he was in the midst of his 19th century Russian phase, right after he’d read a bunch of Tolstoy and Pushkin. You shake your head—though, judging from the title, you wonder if someone hadn’t written your biography.

“It’s good. If you have the time, you should definitely give it a shot.”

“Yeah, of course,” you say, handing over his water. You take a seat in an armchair, pull your knees to your chest. Namjoon’s still looking through your books, isn’t looking at you, so it feels safe to say, “You wanted to talk?”

“Yeah.” He moves to sit on the floor, massive thighs spreading until he’s comfortable. Thank god he can’t see the look on your face. “I just wanted to make sure we’re alright. Things have felt pretty weird since we filmed the, uh.” He coughs. “Thing.”

“Right, yeah.” You realize he’s waiting for an answer, and you offer up a very rushed, “We’re fine, Joon.”

“Are you sure?”

Yeah, you’re sure: sure you absolutely cannot be having this conversation in the safety and sanctity of your own home. It’s tainted now, contaminated by all your uncontrolled horny thoughts about the man in front of you. You’ll have to fumigate. Might have to pick up and move, actually, or call an exorcist.

“I’m sure,” you assure him. “The… thing… was weird, but it’s fine. Temporary.”

“Do you think we shouldn’t have done it?”

That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? Because, in isolation, reading a porn fic about yourselves wasn’t a big deal. No one got hurt. Everyone who needed to be consulted was consulted. The episode made the two of you a lot of money, and Jungkook even promised to send some of it to the author, so your bases are beyond covered.

So, should you have done it? There wasn’t a good enough reason not to, because the story itself was never the problem.

The problem is staring you right in the face. It’s sitting on your floor, a book cracked in half at the spine and forgotten in his lap. The problem is looking at you like you hold all the answers to the universe’s secrets, and it’s no small thing to be looked at like that. The problem is that Namjoon is looking at you like that from across the room but you’re wondering what it’d look like from on top of you.

The problem is that you’ve co-hosted a podcast with Namjoon for three years, have known him even longer, and you’ve just realized today that you want to have sex with him.

And you can’t say that, can you, because Namjoon came here to fix things which really does not lend itself to a hookup. Namjoon cares about your friendship and your working relationship so much he came here to try and salvage it, so you’re going to keep your mouth shut. You’re going to say, “I think it’s okay that we did,” and leave it at that. Because it is okay.

Because you’re the problem.

It feels like a small victory when Namjoon sags in relief. When he exhales and says, “Okay, good, because I think so, too.”

“It made us a lot of money,” you tack on.

Namjoon’s eyes widen as he laughs. “Right? Like, that was almost too much money. Just to watch us read porn?”

“About ourselves. I think that was the selling point.”

He stands. You do, too. “Never thought I’d be doing that,” he says, returning the book to where it belongs. “Definitely the most embarrassing thing I’ve done for money.”

“Being a man with a podcast wasn’t embarrassing enough?”

He snorts. Gets closer to the door. “Hey now.” You’re going to survive this. “Thanks for entertaining me, by the way. For a second there I was really worried we’d fucked it all up.”

Just the ending. Just one more thing to say and you’ll be done with this, and then you can take your third cold shower in recent memory and triple text Yoongi with a full-fledged mental breakdown. Maybe he’ll bring Holly back and you can register him as your emotional support animal.

And Namjoon must sense the awkwardness that’s crept back in, because he tries to cover it with a joke. Says, “Haaa, like you’d actually piss on me, right?”

Except it sounds like he’s got a mouth full of marbles.

It’s no wonder you mishear him.

Because he says like you’d actually piss on me but you hear like you’d actually kiss me, and there isn’t a universe that exists in which the following makes sense: you, stunned into silence in the doorframe, Namjoon saying his goodbyes, you thinking fuck it, last chance and saying, “Yeah, I’d kiss you.”

Namjoon stops dead in his tracks. “What?”

Your entire body is on fire. “Is, uh. Is that not what you said?”

“I don’t think it matters anymore what I said.”

“I’d argue that it does, for the sake of my digni—”

“You’d kiss me?” Namjoon… doesn’t look put off of the idea, which is surely a point in your favor. Interesting to note that his diction is crystal clear, now. Bastard. “You’d kiss me right now?”

There’s also no explanation for the way you say: “It’s only been an option for ten seconds and you’re already begging for it?”

You’d say there’s no explanation for the way Namjoon’s jaw clenches, the way he repeats I don’t beg for anything, but maybe the simple fact is: the two of you want to fuck each other. And, judging from the way Namjoon crowds your space, keeps dropping his gaze to your mouth, it seems very likely to happen.

All that fixating you’d done on Namjoon’s thighs was wasted, you think, as you take in the shape of his mouth. His lips. The way his tongue darts out to run along the bottom at the last second before he reaches out, tilts your head up, and finally presses his mouth to yours.

And you’ve got to laugh, because no piece of written fiction could ever accurately portray what it feels like. How soft his lips are. The way he touches you—gentle, but still dominant enough to have you moving the way he wants, have you backing up into your apartment so he can smile against your mouth as he closes the door behind him.

No piece of fiction would get it right, the way you’re unsteady on your feet, breathless at the way Namjoon’s kissing you. How he only breaks apart long enough to ask where do you want me in that throaty, deep voice of his. How you’re so overwhelmed you can’t decide: unsure if you want to waste the time it’d take to get to your bedroom, but if it’s only going to happen once, wanting to make it count.

So you decide to risk it. Plant your hands in the middle of his exceptionally broad chest and push him in the direction of the hallway, and if the two of you can’t wait, can’t control yourselves, well.

But the story had gotten one thing right: Namjoon does kiss like a branding iron, hot and greedy. Namjoon kisses you like there’s nothing else he wants to do in this lifetime, and it makes you dizzy. Has you off-kilter, stumbling into the wall as you try to remember where the fuck your bedroom is and why it’s so far. Just like the fictional version of you, you also moan when he licks into your mouth.

“Should I do it the way we did in the fic?” Namjoon asks as the two of you cross the threshold into your bedroom, a cheeky grin on his face. “Do it like this?” he questions, pushing you gently until you’re on the back in the middle of your bed, chest heaving as you lift your head to look at him.

Namjoon is so, so big from where you lay, just hovering at the foot of your bed. Cheeks ruddy, bulge prominent. “What’d you say you wanted?”

Takes a second to remember how to breathe, let alone what you’d read. What do you want, Namjoon had asked, right before he’d sank to his knees in front of you. “Whatever you’re willing to give,” you answer.

Namjoon smiles. Puts one knee on the bed, and the way it dips beneath his weight is unsettling. Why does he have to be so fucking large. “That’s right, baby.” Christ, you think, because there’s another thing that fic had gotten right. No one on earth would be immune to Namjoon calling them baby in that tone of voice.

The riposte biting at the back of your teeth gets swallowed whole as Namjoon grabs your ankles and drags you to the edge of the bed. “May I?” he asks, hands poised above the waistline of your leggings. You nod, and Namjoon drags down your underwear with them. “Fuck, look at you,” he groans, awe creeping into the edge of his words.

“You want me to do it the same way? Hm? You’re being awfully quiet; thought you were giving me shit about being the one in charge,” he chides.

Because you’re short-circuiting. Namjoon’s on his knees, just like you’d envisioned, and his mouth is dangerously close to your cunt. How can you be expected to think and speak under these conditions? But if Namjoon can find the brainpower to be a bastard, so can you, because what you’d read and the way he’d reacted can both never be forgotten. So you thread your hands into his hair and pull. The resulting moan is enough to sustain you for years.

“Are you gonna keep running your mouth, or are you gonna make me come on it?”

He blinks. “Jesus Christ.”

There’s precedent. Fictional Namjoon ate you out like a man starved, like he couldn’t get enough. Had fictional you writhing and insatiable, so it’s a lot to live up to, but it doesn’t deter him in the slightest. He hesitates for only a second, giving you one last chance to back out before the two of you set every last boundary on fire, and then he’s settling between your thighs and making you see stars.

Now you know what it’s like. Now you don’t have to rely on fiction, and it doesn’t matter because it’d never compare to the way Namjoon feels as he works to bring you to your ruin. The way he flattens his tongue to lick long, thick stripes; the way his lips suction around your clit. The way it feels when he groans against your core. The way he says, “Fuck, you do taste good,” like that’s a completely normal thing to say. Like he doesn’t know exactly what he’s doing to you.

But you need more and Namjoon knows it. His mouth doesn’t leave your cunt for a second, but his fingers find your mouth, so you put on a show. Wrap your lips around them, suck on them the way he’s doing to you, make sure they’re slick. Namjoon groans again, doubles his efforts. Slides one thick finger inside of you and barely lets you adjust before he’s adding a second.

In an embarrassingly short amount of time, Namjoon has you unraveling. Presses incessantly on a spot that has your vision whiting out. Has you trembling, a little panicked as you say, “Joon, fuck—Namjoon, wait—” as it builds and builds and builds.

You might black out for a second, because you come to and Namjoon looks… stunned. He looks like he can’t believe any of what just happened, and you blink a few times, try to come back into your body, and when you regain enough consciousness, you’re extremely aware of the large wet patch beneath you.

“Um—”

“Holy shit.”

“Namjoon, that’s not—that’s embarrassing—can you grab a—”

He shuts you up with a kiss. Presses the taste of you into your skin, and all those silly protests die in your throat, because if Namjoon was needy before, he’s desperate now. Covers your body with his own, hips dipping down low enough to press his erection into the juncture of your thigh, and the weight of him is delicious. Has you fisting the fabric of his t-shirt to pull him closer, has you pulling it over his head, his pants following. Has your hands skimming down every thick part of his body until you reach his cock, hard and aching and slick with pre-cum.

“I need to suck you off later,” you say, done with overthinking. Time to just be honest, and Kim Namjoon has a dick you need to feel down your throat. “Remind me.”

He whines, thrusts into your hand a little harder. “How could I forget that?”

“Don’t know. Didn’t know if this would be the only time,” you answer. “Did you bring a condom?” Namjoon nods, fetches one from his wallet and rolls it on.

He hovers above you again. Looks nervous, all of a sudden, like he can’t tell his lefts from his rights. All out of sorts. You’re about to tell him it’s fine, you don’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to, don’t have to do anything at all, when he says, “It doesn’t have to be.” You just stare. “The only time.”

There’s a conversation to be had. You know that. Both of you clearly have feelings you need to talk about and sort out, but you reckon they can wait. They’ll still be there in the afterglow, in the morning. So you nod, say okay, Joon, and kiss away the insecurities that still linger.

You think about the fic. Think maybe Namjoon would appreciate it if you cracked a stupid joke, just like he’d tried to do earlier. “Has anyone ever called your cock stupid?”

He laughs, breath fanning against your skin. “No. Wanna try it and see what happens?”

Might as well. You try to remember the exaggerated tone of voice you’d used. Repeat the line—“Do you even know what to do with that big, stupid cock?”—and wait.

There’s a beat of silence, and then—

Namjoon swallows thickly. “I, um. Unfortunately, I think that really works for me.” You laugh. Pull him closer. Wrap your legs around his waist as he starts to move against you. Has jokes of his own. “Please. Please let me fuck you.”

You roll your eyes, laugh tapering into a giggle. “Do you know how?” Namjoon nods, looking all too much like a puppy eager to please its owner. “Do you promise?” He nods again. “Okay. Okay, come here.”

You expect him to move fast; expect the first time to be frenzied and a little awkward. It isn’t. Namjoon lines himself up and pushes the smallest bit inside, and then he’s leaning down to kiss you. Threads your fingers together, squeezes your hand. Pushes further inside and mumbles praise just beneath your ear.

It’s dizzying, the amount of care Namjoon handles you with. How soft he is. Does nothing to ease the discomfort of the stretch, the overwhelming fullness, but he talks you through it. Tells you how good you feel, how beautiful you look. Spills a lot of words you’d probably be embarrassed to hear and he’d be embarrassed to say if this was any other time, but in the heat of the moment it all just works to unravel you faster.

He bottoms out. “Okay?” he asks, and you’re rewarded with a dimpled smile when you say you are. Namjoon is a devastating kind of beautiful.

But, as he gives you time to adjust and you give him the all-clear, he also fucks like a demon. What once was hand-holding is now your wrists pinned to the bed, your body caged beneath him as he rolls his hips at a pace that has your eyes rolling back into your head. You’ve been deceived. Lured into a false sense of security.

It’s almost a shame this isn’t being recorded, because you want to memorize all the sounds Namjoon’s making. Want to hear them for the rest of your life. Don’t want anyone else to be the reason he sounds like this, and as he ups his pace and presses his lips to your neck, you don’t want to sound like this because of anyone else, either.

Maybe one of those times in the future, you can talk him into it.

Namjoon reaches down, rubs circles into your clit. Every time you think you might be close, he pulls his hand away, smiles like the devil. You let him have his fun for a while, let him think you’re keen to lie back and take it, and then you tighten your legs around his waist and flip him onto his back.

He doesn’t think it’s very funny. Looks up at you all bewildered. “What’re you—”

“You were taking too long,” you snark. “Figured I’d take matters into my own hands.”

“Yeah? Shit,” he says as you begin to move. “Fuck, baby, like that. Ride me just like that.”

You do. Don’t change a thing, because Namjoon’s cock is long and thick enough to hit exactly where you need it to. You can feel yourself clenching, feel yourself getting wetter, and the sight of Namjoon beneath you does nothing to stave off the inevitable. He looks even better than you’d imagined: skin flushed, eyes squeezed shut, head thrown back, sweat-slick. You want to make him cry. Want to give him the entire world. You will.

Namjoon thrusts at the same time you roll your hips, and that’s what does it. Has you crying out, has stars flashing behind your eyelids. Has you saying fuck, fuck, fuck as he drives you over the edge for the second time. Has you on the brink of oversensitive as he thrusts a few more times to chase his own end, almost delirious at the way Namjoon moans as he spills into the condom.

Has you swooning, just a bit, at the dopey way Namjoon smiles at you, eyes half-lidded and crinkled at the corners.

“Was that okay?”

You snort. “Yeah, I’d say it was decent.”

“Maybe next time you could pee on me,” he jokes.

You whack him on the chest. “Sure. Or we could record it.”

Has you a little shocked at the way his cock twitches inside of you at the mention of it.

On Monday, you don’t wear a pretentious sweater.

When you stroll in, Jungkook’s already got the best donut shoved halfway into his mouth because he’s a shithead. He eyes you warily, probably hoping with all his hope that you spent the weekend finding God and getting your shit together.

And then he realizes you’ve got on Namjoon’s hoodie and he nearly chokes to death.

“What the fuck are you wearing—”

Namjoon appears at that very moment, and it’s so hard not to take credit for the way he’s glowing, the dazed smile on his face. But Jungkook notices, because Jungkook notices everything, and his gaze darts between the two of you: your hoodie, Namjoon’s face, your face. He opens his mouth, something inappropriate bound to spill out, but Namjoon beats him to the punch. “Ready?” he asks you, and you nod.

It’s seamless.

No hiccups, no awkward stuttering. Namjoon gets through the intro without a hitch, and it feels exactly like it used to. Just two friends having a conversation. It’s obvious Jungkook still wants to say something, but after suffering through last week, he stays quiet lest he makes it worse and sends the two of you back to the bad place.

“How was your weekend, Pipe? Do anything fun?” Namjoon rolls his lips, tries not to laugh.

So you play along. “No, not really, just some dog sitting. How about you?”

“Oh, you know me. Had another first date on Saturday.”

“Did you? How’d it go?”

“Perfect.”

It’s a blessing Jungkook isn’t filming this, because your eyebrows raise so far they nearly disappear from your face altogether. There isn’t even a hint of hesitation in Namjoon’s voice, and although you would’ve described it the same way, hearing him say it with such conviction has you a little stunned. “Wow. You gonna see her again?”

“Yeah,” Namjoon says, sharing a private smile with you. “I think I am.”

who the FUCK is namjoon dating Posted by u/pod-shipper 7 minutes ago This has honestly ruined my entire day. I thought all the stories he told about dating were a bit… Like, what kind of guy has a podcast about relationships but can’t seem to be in one? But you could just HEAR it in his voice how much he likes this woman he went on a date with over the weekend and I’m sick to my stomach. (+2195) ↳ bro you and me both 😭 i genuinely thought him and piper had something going on fr (+1302) ↳ Seriously might stop listening because of this! Any woman with self-respect would never let their partner host a podcast with someone they’re obviously in love with. If he gets serious with this woman, Piper will be gone within 6 months, mark my words. (+927) ↳ I wouldn’t worry about it too much! My cousin works at a really nice restaurant in the same city Namjoon lives in, and she said she saw this “date” on Saturday and that it wasn’t anything serious. (+788) ↳ Piper got a cat and Namjoon finally got a second date. Face it, it’s over. (+325) ↳ cannot believe him and piper aren’t dating.. do you think i should delete all my tiktok edits? (+4) ↳ this is unhinged lmfao i thought y’all hated piper? you’re in here bitching abt her being a “misandrist” every week and now ur gonna stop listening bc namjoon isn’t dating her? pick a lane and stay in it (-64)

Thank you so much for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts, and reblogs/shares are always welcome! I appreciate you very much~ ♡

#namjoon x reader #namjoon smut #bts fanfic #bts smut #bts x reader #namjoon fanfic #namjoon imagine #namjoon scenarios #namjoon x you #namjoon x y/n #bts imagines #bts scenarios #jewel writes

[honey-sweet-hiraeth]

 To Hate You Back (N.R.)

Summary: Natasha Romanoff has hated you since you met... Eventually you try to return the sentiment. Then one day with a lie, some self endangerment and a bit of blood loss, you begin to understand each other better.

Warnings: SMUT (18+) Minors DNI, Oral (r giving), Fingering (r giving), very soft, like really soft at the end, Stab Wound, Blood, Stitches, Nat Talks About Getting Shot, Scar (singular), A Little Angsty, R is a Little Shit (sorta), So is Tony (sorta), Enemies to Lovers??? (I think), absolutely awful flirting with a dangerous angry assassin lady. ALSO- a really weird sparring scene (yes it needs a warning)

Words: About 8,200

A/n: Hey look! I wrote something. I hate that it has taken me so long to write and finish anything and I'm so sorry about that. I'm trying, I promise I am. I have no clue when I'll continue/finish Breathe. It'll happen one day, maybe. Anywho- I'm still writing. Annnnd now I've written smut!! This is my first time posting smut so I uh- I hope you like it.

Clint was the first to hear of Natasha's distaste for the agent she'd been going on missions with lately, then it was Steve, then Wanda, then Tony, pretty soon everyone knew. 

Which was exactly why they all seemed so shocked that you were so.... Likeable.

You were intelligent, Kind and honest. Not to mention funny, passionate and skilled. You didn't take yourself too seriously and quite frankly it was hard to tell you were the agent that Fury held in such high regard.

With the way Fury spoke so highly of you and the way Natasha complained, they were expecting someone more arrogant and self absorbed. To be fair, being called Fury's prodigy agent was bound to go to anybody's head.

But you were pretty much the opposite of what the Avengers had been led to believe.

May 27th-

When Fury found out about Natasha's feelings toward you, he laughed and immediately informed you that you would be joining the Avengers.

"Ex-excuse me?” Your eyes widened and you stumbled back.

"You heard me y/l/n" Fury returned to his regular more rigid demeanor, "Starting tomorrow you're an Avenger. We'll be moving your things to the compound shortly."

"Sir I don't think you understand" You sighed "Romanoff is going to kill me"

"Not if you kill her first" He gave you a look and you raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"Are you joking?" You asked incredulously and Fury chuckled roughly under his breath.

"Agent Romanoff will learn to like you" He shrugged "Unfortunately for both of you, you work well together so you'll be working together a lot anyway. She'll have plenty of opportunities to get used to you"

"I don't think getting used to me will solve anything" You groaned and the look Fury gave you should have placated you, but given your more... Complicated relationship with the man. You were rather used to it.

"Agent y/l/n" He spoke professionally but the undertone of his voice was akin to begging. "I know you'll find a way to make it work. Just get out of my office and start packing"

June 18th-

"I'm going to kill her" Natasha growled as she made her way into Clint's room and flopped on his bed where he was sitting, reading a file.

"She's not that bad" Clint shrugged, earning a deadly glare from the redhead that he seemed to miss. "What'd she do this time?"

"You should've seen it" Nat rolled her eyes "She and Wanda were in the kitchen 'talking' If you could even call it that."

Clint raised an eyebrow at the mention of the other redhead. He had to admit he felt sort of protective of Wanda, ever since she lost Pietro.

"Go on" He urged and Natasha groaned.

"They were all over each other Clint!" She threw her hands around rapidly "y/l/n practically had her hand down Wanda's pants"

Clint threw his head back in a laugh. Of all the things you did that seemed to piss Natasha off, your banter with the others was the one he always heard about. 

"That's not even close to the truth now is it?" Clint smirked and Natasha rolled her eyes. 

"They were making sandwiches and bumping into each other" Tony appeared in the doorway with a smirk. "Then they were joking about their similar eating habits."

"Ugh" Natasha rolled over and sighed "She's a bigger flirt than you are Stark, and it's ridiculous"

"Maybe you should ask her out." Tony laughed as Natasha threw him a glare. 

"Why the hell would I do that?" The redhead nearly hissed at the idea. 

"With the way she takes your attitude toward her with so much humor, I would bet she likes you, and you seem pretty obsessed with her" Tony shrugged and smirked as he got the reaction he was looking for.

"I am not!" Natasha sat up defensively. 

"All I'm saying is you're a little too focused on her flirting habits for someone who isn't at least a little bit attracted to her" Tony chuckled as Nat scoffed, turning away from him. "Don't be embarrassed Nat, Have you seen her? You'd be an idiot to not wanna bang her. Hell I would do it"

"Shut up" Natasha snapped and pushed past him through the doorway, effectively ending the conversation.

July 22nd-

You panted lightly as Steve made another move, swinging his fist in your direction, only hitting air as you darted around him. You landed a hard jab to his ribs and he turned, trying to grab your wrist as you swung at him. 

His success was short lived as you flipped him on his back with a surprising amount of force. The sound of his back hitting the mat along with the groan that followed echoed through the empty training room.

"Give up yet, Rogers?" You smirked and he nodded decisively, causing you to immediately switch from your fighting stance to a more relaxed state as you helped him up.

"You're a really good fighter" He smiled as you waved him off "No really, you're not even enhanced as far as we know and the only other person who can take me down like that is Nat"

At the mention of her name you tensed again and nodded stiffly.

"Cool" You gave Steve a tight smile and a high five before you made your way to the punching bags, secretly thankful that Steve hadn't followed you and instead headed in the opposite direction, toward the treadmills.

You worked out in silence for a while when the doors to the training room opened, catching your attention. At the sight of the cold, always angry redhead, you groaned.

Of course it had to be Natasha. You couldn't go half a day without seeing her and having some sort of tense, semi aggressive interaction.

Steve smiled at you with a mischief you didn't recognize on the man before turning to Nat.

"Feel like sparring?" He grinned and Nat raised an eyebrow at him.

"Yes actually" She smiled "Feel like getting your ass handed to you?"

"Not really" Steve matched her smirk. "Y/n already took me down twice this morning. I bet you two are well matched for sparring. And she seems like she'd be down to fight you."

Natasha glared at Steve as you looked up in shock.

"Alright" Natasha turned to you with a scowl. "I'd never miss an opportunity to beat up y/l/n"

"You're too kind" You rolled your eyes and made your way to the mats, getting ready for what you were sure was going to be the beating of your lifetime.

Natasha met you at the mats and matched your position before darting forward with no warning to land a blow to your jaw. You took a few steps back in shock and scoffed.

"I knew you liked it rough Romanoff but I didn't know you liked it dirty too" You chuckled before dodging her attempt to knock you down, spinning out of her reach before stepping behind her and locking your arm over the base of her neck, applying light pressure. Not enough to hurt her, but enough to choke her lightly and tell her you could hurt her if you wanted to.

Your other hand rested on her hip and you didn't miss the way she squirmed under your touch. It wasn't the discomfort of hatred you were expecting to see in her body language. Quite the opposite actually. 

"Do-" Your mouth dropped open before a smirk took over your features. "Do you like that, Romanoff?"

You squeezed her hip and added more pressure to her throat, and bit your lip when you heard Natasha's breathing hitch before she quickly regained her focus and flipped you on your back, making you gasp for air as she straddled your stomach, pinning your hands above your head.

Natasha took a moment to appreciate how shocked you looked by the way she'd thrown you down. You were breathing heavily and your eyes were closed tight as you tried to regain your composure. She scolded herself when her mind wandered briefly to a more enjoyable activity that could be done in that position and pulled her focus back to fighting you.

She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion when you smirked up at her and she was about to ask what you were so smug about when she gasped as you arched your back suddenly in order to flip the two of you over. 

'Maybe Tony was right', some god awful part of her brain thought before she quickly dismissed the idea, trying to ignore the butterflies she felt as she noticed the position she was now in.

Your hands on her wrists, her legs around your waist, and her back pressed firmly to the mat by the weight of your body that was settled between her thighs.

You smirked down at her and you both seemed to just sit there forever. Your eyes involuntarily dropped to Natasha's lips as her gaze fell to yours. You were both breathing heavily and neither of you could tell if it was due to the sparring or the tension that had thickened in the air. 

"Uh" Steve's voice immediately knocked you both out of your trance as you pulled yourself off of Natasha and she sat up on the mat. "I think it's safe to say you could both hold your own against each other"

Steve shuffled awkwardly and Natasha scoffed.

"Whatever, she got lucky, I was distracted" Natasha snapped and you smirked.

"What exactly was distracting you Natasha?" You asked, drawing out the syllables of her name. 

Natasha rolled her eyes and huffed. 

"Nothing special, that much is for sure" She raised an eyebrow as she spoke pointedly, unknowingly giving you the exact answer you wanted. 

"Chto by vy ni govorili, malyshka. (Whatever you say babygirl)" You chuckled as her head snapped toward you at how fluent her native language sounded coming from you. "Y'know I'm starting to think you secretly like me"

"In your dreams" Natasha scoffed as you got up off the mat, heading to the exit, turning to stare the redhead directly in the eyes.

"Only the dirty ones" You winked and ducked out the door before she could react, running down the hallway in fear of being chased, or Steve following you out there to lecture you about teasing the 'Great Black Widow' like that. 

Steve did not follow you however, opting to instead burst into laughter at the sight of a very flustered Natasha Romanoff.

"I didn't know you could blush Nat '' He chuckled, earning a not-so-kind look from the redhead.

"I don't know what you're talking about '' She snapped and pushed herself off the ground before stomping out of the room, no longer in the mood for her workout. 

August 4th-

You rushed off the Quinjet and into the Compound, moving as fast as your legs would carry you. An angry- no - Livid Natasha right on your heels.

"Help!" You yelped and rushed behind a very confused and very concerned Steve and Wanda.

"Y/l/n!" Natasha growled from across the room as she slowed down, eyeing you like a predator would it's annoyingly evasive prey. "I'm going to take you down, drag you out of here and break you with my bare hands."

You couldn't help the smirk that took over your face as you raised an eyebrow.

"Say that again, that sounded good" You bit your lip at the glare the assassin sent your way. You had to admit, it was kind of hot. 

Wanda and Steve shared a look as if to say 'are they always that flirty?' before both of them stepped to the side, leaving you open for Natasha to rush at you.

"Traitors! " You yelped and ran around the counter to avoid the Black Widow's wrath.

"Stop running so I can kill you!" Natasha growled and you yelped again as you narrowly avoided her grip. 

"While getting brutally murdered by you would be a lovely way to go" You smirked "I'm gonna keep running"

With that you rushed out of the room and down the hall, trying to get to your room so you could lock Natasha out before she got to you. 

Just before you reached the safety of your room, a hand wrapped around your wrist, spinning you around as Natasha pinned you against the wall.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Natasha hissed under her breath and your breathing hitched as you noticed just how close she was. "I could've handled that, you didn't need to rush in there half cocked"

"I was thinking you were surrounded by HYDRA agents, and while I'm sure that if the roles were reversed you'd grab some popcorn and enjoy the show, I personally didn't want to watch you get your ass beat" You snapped and Natasha's eyes widened.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She sounded confused, which only made you angrier. It was like every time Natasha had said something snarky about you had built up and all the pent up frustration finally came to a head. 

"It means that while you might be content to hate me all your life- some stupid little part of me likes you, and I like you enough to notice when you're overwhelmed, whether or not you'll let go of your pride and admit it." Your voice raised a little and Natasha stepped back, making room for you to step forward, taking your turn to invade her personal space. "It means that I care about you enough to step in and help, despite the fact that you've done nothing but hate on me and make me second guess myself, since the moment we met."

You were inches apart and Natasha was searching your eyes with an unreadable expression. Your breathing was slow but your heart was beating faster than ever before, so hard you could feel your pulse in every individual nerve in your body.

"You think I'm a bitch" It wasn't a question and you hated that Natasha seemed hurt about it.

"I don't think you're a bitch" You softened for a moment before starting to slowly work yourself up again. "At first I thought it was a defense mechanism, maybe you were just rough around the edges or something because you didn't like new people. Hell, assassin's are trained not to like new people. Then I thought maybe you didn't want to catch yourself making friends with anyone so you were acting up to keep me at arm's length. Then Tony tried to tell me you were acting out because you wanted to fuck me, and i thought maybe you were upset cause Tony kept insisting we need to hook up. Now i don't know- Now i just think you hate me"

Natasha stared up at you in shock. Her mouth opened and closed a few times as she searched for something to say.

"I- I don't-'' She tried to speak but you cut her off. 

"And let me tell you, I've been trying so hard not to take it personally, I thought of everything that could have happened to make you angry with me and how to fix it. I have kept trying to talk to you and be nice but I can't handle it anymore. Okay? I give up." You were almost whispering at this point, your body so tense one could swear you were made of stone, a startling contrast to your usual mellow state of existence.

Natasha had been reduced to silence as you kept ranting onward, sounding defeated. A longing, almost sad look on her face. 

"I stopped trying to talk to you and started to avoid you and you seemed to seek me out just to antagonize me and I've tried taking it in stride. Tried giving you time to warm up to me. I'm starting to think my only option is to hate you back. Is- is that what you want?" You kept your face as neutral as possible to avoid her seeing just how upset you really were.

"Y/n..." Natasha reached hesitantly out to take your hand but you flinched away. 

"Don't patronize me Romanoff" You sighed and stared into her guilty eyes. 

"I-" Natasha paused, unsure of how to move forward.

"It's fine" You barely spoke at all, whispering more to yourself than to the redhead in front of you. 

You turned around and walked into your room with a long drawn out sigh. You were tired and angry and you desperately wanted a shower so you could take a nap and maybe distract yourself from the way you were reeling from your pent up emotions. 

September 16th.... Six Long Weeks Later-

You sighed softly as you turned the shower on and stepped under the stream of hot water that nearly scalded your skin. You didn't mind the pain though. You embraced it, knowing it would help relax your tense, achy muscles. 

You had been taking missions left and right in order to avoid talking about anything but work with Natasha, you didn't want to fight with her again and you were starting to get fed up with the way she kept staring you down with guilt written over her features. 

She was the one that started this, she didn't get to feel bad now. 

You took your time, letting yourself relax a little before getting out of the shower nearly an hour later, wrapping your towel around your body and stepping out of the bathroom.

"What in the motherfuck-" You jumped, hand on your chest, completely startled by the presence waiting for you. Sitting on your bed and leaning against the wall. "The hell are you doing here?"

Natasha's eyes moved to meet yours and she couldn't help but notice that your towel only went down about a quarter of your thighs. She had to fight herself not to stare at the long stretch of your legs that were uncovered.

It took a few moments before you realized her eyes were a little unfocused, her breathing was unsteady and there was a dark red spot taking over the side of her stomach, staining her grey tank top. She looked a little beaten up and battered, causing you to eye her suspiciously. 

"Why are you bleeding in my bedroom?" You raised an eyebrow and she glanced around your room, avoiding eye contact. 

"I went to check out a little HYDRA facility, it was supposed to be empty" She admitted neutrally but you noticed the slight shake to her voice. "I wasn't really paying attention. An agent saw me and caught me off guard. It was stupid but i didn't hear him coming, i was a little too in my head."

"The great Natasha Romanoff made a mistake?" You chuckled, enjoying the way she squirmed in your presence. "That doesn't explain why you're here and not in the Med Bay with Bruce"

"Bruce isn't here, you're the only other one that can give stitches that actually look decent and wont scar too much." Natasha glanced up at you and to you it seemed like she felt uncomfortable asking you any favors. 

You walked into your closet and put on some denim shorts and an oversized hoodie, feeling a little awkward about standing there in just a towel.

When you got back, you took a moment to enjoy the new dynamic. For once it felt like you actually had the upper hand. Then you noticed the way Natasha was swaying from blood loss and your smugness immediately gave way to worry. 

You rushed back into your bathroom and grabbed your sewing kit and some antiseptic before moving into the room and in front of Natasha, grabbing the hem of her shirt and tugging it up lightly. 

"Take this off" You ordered and she glared up at you.

"Excuse me?" Her voice lowered dangerously and you chuckled softly. 

"If I'm giving you stitches I need to be able to get to your wound." You explained and the redhead nodded slowly in apprehension. You tugged at her shirt again. "Come on tough chick, shirt off and then i need you to lay down on the bed"

You tried not to stare as you helped Natasha slowly pull her top over her head. The sight of her newly exposed skin almost made you dizzy. If it weren't for the gaping stab wound on her stomach the sight would've been heaven. 

Natasha slowly laid back on the bed, wincing as she moved and you pulled your chair from your desk over to the bed, sitting down and inspecting the damage. 

"Holy shit, what the hell did he stab you with, a katana?!" You gently cleaned the blood from her skin, not missing the way she seemed to relax under your touch, despite you actively prodding at her freshly stabbed torso.

"Some sort of dagger, definitely wasn't your average knife" Natasha gasped as you poured your antiseptic over her stomach. Her back arched and you gently pressed her body back into the mattress with your hand on the side of her ribs. Her breathing hitched and she swallowed thickly. 

"Okay, stop wiggling, I'm gonna start." You breathed out slowly before finally pressing the needle through her skin. 

Natasha hissed and bit her lip, her body was tense and you paused as she got used to the sting of your sewing needle. 

After a few moments she let out a sigh and closed her eyes, waving for you to continue. 

"Are you okay?" You nearly whispered after a long silence while you stitched her up with the utmost care. 

"Define okay," Natasha grunted as the needle pierced her skin again. "Physically, Mentally or Emotionally?"

"All of the above?" You smiled softly at Natasha, glancing at her before focusing back on the task at hand.

"Why do you care?" Natasha grumbled and you felt a pang of guilt at her tone. "You hate me, remember?"

"Hating you is a lot harder than it should be" You were slightly surprised at how gentle and sincere you sounded at the moment. Natasha was staring at you with an unreadable expression and you cleared your throat awkwardly as you finished stitching her up.  "Stay here, i'm gonna find some cream and bandages. I don't want to see any signs that you've moved when I get back"

"What'll you do if I move?" You gave Natasha a stern look as you stood, making her raise an eyebrow in challenge.

"Considering how intense that stab wound is, the pain from moving would be punishment enough" You sighed and left the room, jogging to the med bay determined to get the things you needed and get back as fast as possible. 

"Hey Bruce" You greeted softly as you sped through the med bay to the medical storage, locating the bandages and numbing cream and grabbing them before the realization that Bruce was there even hit. 

"Hold on" You backpedaled out of the storage area and back to Bruce. "How long have you been here?"

"All day" Bruce made a face "Why?"

"No reason" You smirked softly and made your way out of the med bay, unable to keep your smile from growing into a huge grin as you headed down the hall. 

You took a moment to school your features before stepping back into your room. 

"Good news, I ran into Bruce so I can get you out of here and to the Med Bay so he can check you over." You tried to sound disinterested but you couldn't help the smirk that crept onto your face as you spoke. 

Natasha nodded and started to sit up, only to nearly yell in pain and lower herself back to your bed. You watched her trying to get up again as her eyes lost focus, an indication that moving was proving to hurt a bit too much for the Assassin now that the adrenaline had worn off. 

"Would you like some help?" You chuckled softly and the redhead could've nearly killed you with the glare she sent your way. You raised your hands in surrender. "Just offering."

Natasha hesitated a moment before letting out a long, drawn-out sigh and nodding curtly. You giggled and made your way to her, opening the numbing cream you'd taken from the med bay.

"I'm gonna apply some of this and give it a minute to take effect. That should help enough for you to move. I don't suggest trying to walk however, so once you're numb enough for it to not be totally excruciating, I'm going to carry you to Bruce okay?" Your voice held a gentle tone in it that you'd usually reserved for Wanda and children. You'd never deemed anyone else worthy of seeing the softer side of your usual self.  But you figured Natasha needed a little more comfort than she was letting on, and your constant cocky, sarcastic tone of voice wasn't going to be much help. 

Natasha nodded and you sat next to her again, gently applying the numbing cream around her wound. Natasha let out a soft sigh as you rubbed her stomach with light pressure, relieving the tension she didn't even know she'd had in her abdomen. As you rubbed over her stomach muscles you noticed a puckered pink scar above her left hip. You ran your fingers over it gently and looked up at her in question. 

"I was escorting a nuclear engineer out of Iran, somebody shot at my tires near Odessa. We lost control, went straight over a cliff, I pulled us out, but the Winter Soldier - Bucky - was there. I was covering my asset, so he shot him. Straight through me." She explained with a far off look in her eyes and you nodded slowly, grazing your fingers over the scar again. 

Natasha took a shaky breath and you realized just how intimate your actions were. Withdrawing your hands you smiled softly at the redhead and she seemed to hold your gaze as if she were silently asking you something. You weren't sure what. 

"How does it feel?" You asked gently and Natasha's face contorted in an - admittedly adorable expression of confusion. 

"What?" She sounded so lost you could melt, you gestured to her stomach and watched realization dawn on her features. "Oh. Better I guess"

You walked back into your closet and grabbed a soft loose T-shirt before walking out and helping Natasha get into it. You weren't sure how tired she really was, but she must have been exhausted if she was letting you dress her without a problem-she didn't even fight you on the idea of wearing your shirt.

"Ready to go to the Med Bay?" You smirked and Natasha couldn't help but match your expression.

"I doubt Bruce'll be half as gentle with me" Natasha rolled her eyes dramatically and you chuckled.

"I'm sure you'll be fine" You gently gathered the redhead in your arms, lifting her up as she wrapped her arms around your neck. "Let's go princess"

Natasha grumbled slightly at the pet name and tucked her head against your shoulder, hiding her face in your neck. 

You both tried desperately to ignore your intrusive thoughts at the other's proximity as you made your way down the hall. You tensed slightly as you saw Tony heading your direction with a knowing smirk. 

"Look at you two acting like you don't totally hate each other" He chuckled and you felt your face heating up as you felt Natasha huff against your neck, her breath fanning across your skin.

"Shut the fuck up Stark" Natasha snapped, her lips brushing against your collarbone. "I'm injured and y/n was my only available option"

You smirked, knowing her comment was totally bullshit.

"I don't have to act like I don't hate Nat, Tony." You rolled your eyes "She's not as terrible as she pretends to be"

Tony looked at you in surprise as Natasha pulled away enough to stare at you in pure shock. You studied both their reactions before shrugging and continuing to walk down the hall.

You made it to the med bay and smiled at Bruce as you gently set Natasha on the small bed by the wall. 

"I come bearing a patient." You giggled and Bruce raised his eyebrows ``I already stitched her up, she just needs to be screened for other injuries. Annnnddd she probably needs pain relievers- let me know when you're done and i'll take her back to her room.``

Forty-five minutes later and you were once again carrying the redheaded assassin through the halls. Her face tucked against your neck again- which you were alarmingly comfortable with.

"You know" You paused as Natasha pulled away enough to look at you. "This is probably the most we've never gotten along."

"Probably?" Nat grinned "This is definitely the most we've ever gotten along."

You got to her room and stepped inside, your face contorting in confusion and disapproval.

"What the fuck is this?" You deadpanned and Natasha snorted.

The room was full of training equipment and weapons just sitting around. There wasn't really a bed -just a mattress on the ground.

"This is my room" Natasha said as if you were an idiot, and you felt like one as you started carrying her away from her own room and down the hall. 

"Absolutely not- not while you're injured. Nope." You walked back into your room, much to the confusion of Natasha. 

"What are you-?" Natasha started as you walked in and set her gently in a chair before stripping the bloodied sheets from your bed, tossing them in your laundry basket and grabbing another set from your closet. 

"You're staying here until you've healed more-there's no way you're staying in that room while injured." You huffed as you pulled the fitted sheet around your bed and quickly made it up. 

"Y/n i can't possibly-" Natasha started to get up and winced with a small groan, you sighed and lifted her up, moving her to the bed as gently as possible. 

"That's another reason for you to stay here." You smirked "Your dumb stubborn ass keeps trying to get up."

Natasha just glared at you from her place.

"I hate you" She grumbled and your smile faltered.

"Sometimes I really do believe that '' You paused before heading to the door, not giving Natasha time to respond. "I'm gonna go get you some water so you can take those painkillers."

The moment you got out the door you closed your eyes and sighed, trying to ground yourself. 

"Are you okay?" An accented voice startled you from your thoughts and you jumped, opening your eyes. "Sorry"

"Yeah- I'm fine. It's just..." You trailed off, unsure of how to explain your predicament.

"Natasha?" Wanda asked and you raised an eyebrow in question. "You guys have really loud, loud thoughts when you're around each other"

"Yeah.." You mumbled "The little shit's confusing"

"Little?" Wanda mused and crossed her arms "She's a grown woman"

"She's like- 5'2, I said what i said" You ran a hand through your hair and sighed as Wanda gave you a stern, knowing look. "I like her i do- I just- everytime I start making progress she goes cold or we end up fighting and then it's all back to square one"

"She has feelings for you too, but you know Natasha." Wanda shrugged "She's pretty much terrified of the idea of loving someone. She's afraid of her feelings and she's definitely not going to admit to having them unless you make her."

"Loving?" You choked on the air you were previously trying to breathe. "Why are we talking about love?"

Wanda raised an eyebrow at you and scoffed.

"The tension between you two is more than just lust, or a silly crush. There's potential there."

"What do you mean?" Your voice squeaked slightly and Wanda laughed, tapping her temple with a knowing smile.

"Loud. Loud thoughts"

"I don't know what to do anymore" You groaned and the Sokovian gave you a sympathetic pat on the back.

"Well she can't exactly run away at the moment so- I suggest you try talking to her" Wanda smiled and you pulled her into a tight hug.

"Thank you"

"Anytime" She laughed as she pulled away "Now, Go get that water and then go get your girl"

"How did you-"

"Thoughts y/n" Wanda grinned and disappeared into her room.

You chuckled, shaking your head before heading to the kitchen.

You got the water and rushed back to your room, slowing down just outside the door and taking a breath before quietly entering and carefully pulling the door closed as you entered your room.

"That took you a suspiciously long time" Natasha glared at you and you smirked.

"Miss me that much?" You teased setting a glass of cold water on the nightstand by the bed. "I ran into Wanda"

You didn't miss the way Natasha tensed at the mention of the witch but you kept all jokes about her jealousy to yourself. You would be jealous too if the roles were reversed and she'd been with Steve or something.

Despite knowing the two were strictly friends.

"You lied to me" You sat by Natasha as she raised an eyebrow at you in near confusion. "Bruce has been here alllllll day"

You dragged your words out in a sing-song manner and Natasha huffed.

"So why'd you come to me?" You already knew the answer now, but you wanted to see how far Natasha would go to avoid admitting that she liked you as much as you liked her.

"I couldn't find him" Natasha shrugged and you chuckled softly.

"That's not true, you would've found him if you actually looked"

Natasha fixed you with a glare that would rival the world's strongest laser.

"What are you getting at y/l/n?"

"I think you really do like me" You chuckled and a look of panic flashed behind the assassin's eyes. "I'm gonna change your bandages- it's been an hour and we need to keep them clean. I don't want you getting infected"

You moved on so casually Natasha almost forgot that you'd called her out. Almost. However, she was happy to not address it for fear of outing her true feelings for you and you- obviously not feeling the same.

You smirked as you approached the bed, a new idea forming on how to make the redhead suffer a little more before you put an end to her misery. 

You completely ignored the chair by the bed, opting to get on the bed and straddle Natasha's thigh, earning a surprised grunt from the Assassin as she stared up at you in confusion. 

"Better angle" You explained innocently, starting to pull off Nat's (Your) shirt and removing the bandages that covered her wound. 

Natasha studied your features as you concentrated on putting ointment on her stomach before bandaging her back up. Noticing the way you furrowed your brows slightly and bit your lip as you stayed diligently focused.

She had to admit you looked heavenly, hovering above her.

Her mind had wandered to other things when she let out an involuntary gasp as she felt your fingers brush the skin above the waistband of her pants. She looked up at you with wide eyes but you didn't seem to react at all, a neutral expression resting on your face and your focus still on her bandages.

Maybe she'd imagined it?

You glanced up at the assassin as you finished applying the gauze to her wound.

"You alright there?" You raised an eyebrow and Natasha nodded, hiding a blush. "You sure?"

"Yeah I just-" Natasha was cut off when you brushed your fingertips up the side of her ribs, a small smirk ever-present on your lips.

There was no way she imagined that, was there? 

It easily could have been due to you changing her bandages, but a part of Natasha wanted to believe your tender touches against her skin were purposefully wandering. 

"You seem a little out of it Nat" You cocked your head to the side, keeping a neutral tone despite the urge to grin. Natasha didn't answer, she was too busy overthinking the wishful thoughts invading her head. "Nat?"

You waved your hand in front of her face causing her eyes to snap to yours. Confusion and something unreadable was written all over behind her stoic facade.

"Do I need to be worried?" You furrowed your brows in concern. "You seem really distracted"

Natasha swallowed harshly, shaking her head, closing her eyes. 

"I-" Natasha was cut off again, this time by a sharp intake of breath as you traced your hands down her sides, settling them on her hips. 

She definitely hadn't imagined that.

"You what?" You tilted your head to the side with small, kind smile as Natasha's eyes fluttered open to reveal how her gaze had glazed over in confusion.

She couldn't read you as well as she wanted to at that moment. Her head was clouded over with want, but her mind still swarmed with questions as she tried to figure you out. 

"What's wrong Nat?" You leaned over the redhead and she closed her eyes again, subconsciously tilting her head as you gently pressed a soft kiss to her jaw line.

You grinned at the way Natasha shuddered when your lips pressed to her skin, nibbling gently before pulling away. 

Natasha's eyes opened again, her pupils blown and her gaze visibly full of want, but also perplexity. Her body language still tense. 

The smirk you held, transitioned to a gentle smile as you cupped her cheek, remembering what Wanda said about her feelings. Your thumb softly traced along her cheekbone to her lips. You dragged your thumb along her bottom lip, pulling it down slightly, causing Natasha to take a deep breath. 

Her eyes fluttered shut a third time and she leaned into your touch. A small, still guarded smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. 

This moment was probably the softest thing to ever happen between the two of you. In fact, Natasha thought it might be the most gentle thing she'd ever experienced.

"What are you doing?" Natasha sighed, but her eyes stayed closed, afraid that if she opened them you would disappear. She was afraid she was dreaming, and if this was indeed a dream. Natasha Romanoff never wanted to wake up. 

"I don't want to hate each other" You admitted quietly to the assassin, who hummed in response. 

"Me either" Natasha mumbled, her accent slipping out as she let her guard down. Her walls crumbled then and there as her entire body relaxed under your touch. "I don't think I ever hated you" 

Her quiet words made you melt as she turned her face to kiss the palm of your hand before leaning back against it. The warmth of her cheek against your hand sent waves of a comfort you never knew through the both of you. 

"I don't think i ever hated you either" You chuckled at the way her eyes suddenly opened, her eyebrow raised as if to say 'oh really?'. 

You shook your head gently with a fond smile. 

"It's true, i don't hate you" You grazed your thumb along the redhead's jaw. "I don't think i even know how to"

The tenderness in the assassin's gaze was foreign to both of you, along with the unspoken emotions floating lightly in the air around you. 

"Kiss me" Natasha's hushed whisper held a tone akin to pleading. Normally you would take this opportunity to tease the assassin further but the look in her eyes told you she needed this just as much as you did, and you didn't want to ruin the moment for the sake of a joke. 

You slowly leaned in toward the redhead until you were barely an inch away from her lips before hesitating, looking between her eyes for any signs of regret, and finding nothing but serenity in a sea of deep green. 

"Are you sure?" You asked stupidly, anxious that the other woman would change her mind. 

A sigh left parted lips before Natasha nodded, barely moving her head. She wet her lips before finally speaking in a breathy whisper, her eyes burning with the intensity of her desires. 

"Please"

Her hands moved to your waist, balling fistfuls of your shirt, tugging you down gently against her and you maneuvered yourself to avoid putting pressure on her wound. 

After a moment of silence, you finally connected your lips to hers. 

Electricity buzzed around you as you both sighed contently into the kiss. Natasha filled your senses, her gentle hum of pleasure was music to your ears, her skin was soft and warm to the touch, she tasted like Cinnamon and she smelled like pine trees.

You found yourself getting lost in the kiss, and with a light bite to her bottom lip, you drew a soft gasp from Natasha. In that moment you deepened the kiss, experimentally slipping your tongue between her lips and letting it dance with hers. 

When air became a problem, you moved your lips along her jaw and down her neck, finding her collarbone and placing gentle kisses along her skin as you listened to her attempts to catch her breath. 

When Natasha began pushing you further down her body you reluctantly withdrew your lips from her soft skin. You moved up to face her and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips. 

A small grin formed on your face as Natasha let out a soft whine, pulling at your shirt. 

"Nat" you murmured, tracing her jawline with your fingertips as a pout formed on the assassin's lips. "We can't" 

"Why not?" Natasha kept her tone hushed as she pressed her palms to your shoulders. 

"Because, Tasha, there's no way going any further can be good for you right now." You traced your fingertips along her arms in an attempt comfort the assassin. "You were injured and bleeding out literally a few hours ago, you need to rest and let yourself heal a bit." 

"No," Natasha shook her head and huffed quietly, holding your gaze. "I need you, please." 

You stared into her eyes as Natasha tried not to squirm beneath you. She looked so vulnerable and open, a needy frown pulling on the corners of her lips as she gripped the fabric of your shirt in her fists. 

It took you a few moments before you uttered a quiet "okay" and pressed your lips once again to hers. 

Natasha sighed softly as you made your way down her chest, tracing your fingertips over her ribs. You moved slowly, making sure to pay attention to every little moment, being wary of her wound.

Once her bra was removed you paid special attention to her breasts, massaging one with one hand while your lips wrapped around her other nipple, causing Natasha to arch her back, pushing her chest further toward your mouth. 

She groaned softly at the movement and you moved a hand flat against the side of her ribs, gently holding her in place as you swirled your tongue around the hardened peak of her breast before moving your attention to the other. 

Natasha's breathing hitched as you grazed your teeth along one bud while your thumb pressed into the other, she sighed quietly and tangled one hand in the sheets as her other hand found its way to your hair, tugging softly at the roots, earning a low groan from you.

You moved your focus once again to leaving a path of gentle open mouthed kisses and love bites across Natasha's skin, trailing your way down her sternum and to her toned stomach. 

Her hand stayed in your hair, tugging as her ab muscles contracted and pulsed under your lips. You chuckled, finding the button to her jeans and undoing it while laving kisses around her belly. You tugged them off her hips, slowly pulling them down her legs as you watched her face. 

She held your gaze with half lidded eyes, her lips slighty parted and only a little kiss swollen. Her arms had at somepoint made their way above her head, crossed at the wrists as she dug her fingers into the pillows. 

You finished removing the jeans, tossing them to the ground, leaving Natasha in nothing but her navy blue panties.

You admired the view of the wet spot visible on the dark fabric before leaning down to press a kiss to her left knee, smiling as Natasha whined at your teasing. 

You trailed your lips up her thigh reveling in the soft sighs and whimpers you coaxed from the redhead. 

You made your way up to her hip again, this time, placing a deliberate kiss to the rough pink skin of her scar. You glanced up at her in time to see a grin blooming on her lips at the action you felt your chest warm at the sight of her smiling with her teeth, her head tilted to the side and her eyes closed.

You pressed kisses down to her pubic bone and Natasha gasped a quiet involuntary moan as you dragged the tip of your tongue over her covered core, humming at the faint taste of her. 

You hooked your fingers through the waistband of her panties and made quick work of removing them as fast as possible. Not wanting to keep her waiting any longer.

Anchoring your arms around her thighs you held Natasha open as you drove your tongue through her folds moaning softly as you lapped at her juices. Natasha writhed beneath you, soft sighs of pleas and low, breathy moans falling from her lips like your new favorite song. 

You hummed along with her, wrapping your lips around her clit as you slid two fingers easily into her core, exploring her intimacy at a steady pace as her quiet sighs of pleasure evolved into a symphony of sweet impassioned moans. 

One shaky hand found it's way back to your hair, tugging hard and earning a groan from you, sending vibrations straight through her center. The other hand found yours resting on her hip and intertwined your fingers as she cried out in pleasure. 

Her hips rocked in time with your movements as you swirled yout tongue around her clit causing Natasha to choke on a moan. She whined helplessly as you pulled your mouth away from her only to surge forward and connect your lips to hers. 

The kiss was messy and earnest as you let Natasha taste herself on your tongue. You moved your kisses down her jaw before pulling away just enough to watch her face as you curled your fingers just right and swiped your thumb over her clit. 

Her brows drew together as her eyes clamped tighter shut, her grip on your hand and in your hair grew tighter as her walls fluttered around your fingers. 

A chorus of your name and "gonna cum" flowed choppily from her lips as she tucked her face in your neck, moaning huskily against your skin. 

You sped up your movements rubbing tight circles around her clit with your thumb and mumbling a soft "Cum dekta" in her ear. 

Natasha wrapped her hand that wasn't holding yours around the back of your neck, pulling you impossibly closer to her as her body began to spasm and chants of your name spilled from her as her cum coated your hand. You helped her ride out her orgasm until she began to whine, releasing your hand to push at the one between her legs, murmuring a soft "No more."

You pulled away, sitting back to hold her eyes as you licked your hand, and sucked your fingers clean of her juices. 

"Fuck" she groaned and pulled you down for a slow contented kiss, humming as she tasted herself on your lips. 

You fell next to Natasha, turning on your side and tracing her collarbone with your fingertips. The assassin scooted closer to you with a frown and tugged at your shirt.

"Off" She whined, grunting as she tried to pull your shirt up without moving too much. 

You laughed, placating her with a kiss before sitting up and pleeling the shirt off your body. You tossed your shirt on the ground and quickly removed all remaining clothing before settling in next to Natasha again with a soft sigh. 

Natasha turned on her side to pull you closer, groaning as she shifted with a quiet "Ow."

You immediately sat up again looking her over. 

"Shit. Baby, I gotta make sure you didn't pop a stitch." You mumbled, pulling at Natasha's bandages. 

"I'm fine, it can wait." Was all she said as she stilled your hands with her own and you huffed quietly. 

"At least let me clean you up a little, you're all sweaty and the bandages are loose anyway." 

Natasha grumbled and nodded subtly and you rewrapped her injury as quickly as you could after checking that none of the stitching had come undone.

You slid back into bed and let Natasha get comfortable before you laid halfway on top of her, pressing your head to her chest as both of her hands weaved into your hair, stroking through it soothingly. 

You hummed contently and pressed a kiss to her collarbone, making a mental note to thank Wanda the next time you saw her as you slowly drifted off to sleep to the sound of Natasha humming a lullaby as she carded her fingers through your hair.

Tagging: @yourtaletotell @chelleztjs18

#natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff fanfiction #natasha romanoff smut #soft natasha romanoff #bottom!natasha #marvel #mcu #natasha romanoff #natalia alianovna romanova #natasha romanoff x you #natahsa romanoff #natasha romanov #nat x reader #nat x you #natalia romanova #natasha marvel #natasha romanoff fic #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff imagines #natasha romanoff x fem!reader #natasha romanoff x y/n #natasha x y/n

[blossomthepinkbunny]

Poor rendition of queer characters in HH and HB

Here I am again talking about queer representation in Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss, this time just more generally. Because it's always a little weird to me when people claim HH/HB to have good queer representation, when in actuality most of the queer characters are either just blatant stereotypes or get mishandled somehow. And with Helluva Boss recently winning the Queertys - Web series reward I think that this is probably a pretty good time to acknowledge that kind of stuff (as people have done before).

TW: Sexual assault, R@pe (when referring to the actions of characters)

Blitzø (Pansexual): is very sexual and seen on screen multiple times either having sex or just having had sex. Pretty much fits the general stereotype of queer men always being sexual and also the stereotype of pansexuals just sleeping with everybody. Like, he literally screwed the mutual Ex of his coworkers even though he knew how much that guy hurt them.

Stolas (Gay): also mostly sexual (from how he was introduced) and he is in a pretty terrible "relationship" with Blitzø, which includes coercion, SA, Power dynamics and fetishization. Another very sex-driven queer man. Also just great proof for the people assuming that queer relationships are inherently predatory, unhealthy and never work out.

Moxxie (Bisexual): is often forced into a very feminine role because even in relationships with women, queer men always have to be pointed out to be feminine and putting a guy in a dress is funny I guess.

Fizzarolli & Asmodeus (Queer): they're actually better than a lot of the other characters here but there is still some of that uneven power dynamic going on with them and there are obvious issues with their relationship. Overall they aren't too bad though. They didn't get that much sexual focus and what they got is kinda warranted since Ozzie is the Lust demon. But there is that one scene with Fizz stepping out of his car with Dildo confetti canons (I think) and that was sorta weird, since in an episode before that they presented Crimson as being homophobic and stereotypical for assuming queer men are all obsessed with dicks. Which is just interesting because thats most of the queer men in Vivzepops stories.

Chaz (Queer): just a sexually abusive asshole because we definitely needed more predatory queer men in this show.

Sally May (Trans mtf): basically the single recognized trans character in both shows and she only had one line. After that they made fan merch for her which consisted of her in a bikini with her bulge being drawn pretty visibly (multiple times). Of course there's nothing wrong with Trans people who don't have surgery but it's just a tiny bit weird to me that fanservice merchandise is what she got reduced to, when something like that wasn't even the joke of the only line she had in the show and because she hasn't recieved any kind of focus after that.

Angel Dust (Gay): now there is a lot of stuff that could be said about Angel. On one hand he is another very sexual gay man whose screentime often just consists of sex jokes and references. On the other hand that's a big point for his character. How he tries to act confident in his sexuality when in reality it's the main source of his problems. Though he does often harass other men in the show and that's just so unnecessary. Talking about Angel mostly leads into discussing if he is good representation for SA victims or not, which is something I don't want to talk about that much because I feel like it's not my place to judge that as someone who never has experienced SA. I'm gonna say that I do find Viv's treatment of him outside of the show insensitive (with the pro-shipping, diminishing Valentino as an Abuser and general sexualization of the characters) but as far as the portrayal of him in the show goes I've heard different opinions and you should read the discussion's of actual r@pe survivors about this topic if you want to know about more about it.

Husk (Queer): I don't have anything to say about Husk. He is a very refreshing queer man in these show's and there is nothing bad about him I could think of right now.

Valentino (Queer): for him I mostly want to talk about how he is treated outside of the show which doesn't sit right with me. He is a villian in HH so it's understandable that he is gonna do effed up stuff. I also like that the show tries to make a point about how men get sexually assaulted too (wether they succeeded in that inside the show I'm not gonna judge too hard like I said). But there are a lot of people who not only sexualize him, but also his actions and his relationship to Angel and from what I know Viv never really spoke out against that. She actually interacts with people who do that stuff and I it's just kinda gross.

Vox (Queer): I also don't have a lot to say about him. He and Val are a couple so he is dating a r@pist but he is also a villain so you can't really expect more from him. Especially since he would still be interacting with a r@pist even if they weren't dating.

Alastor (Aromantic, Asexual): is obviously not interested in relationships or sex but his identity is pretty much ignored by a huge amount of the fandom. Vivzepop never say's anything about people blatantly invalidating him like that. It seems to me like she doesn't care about characters who can't be involved in shipping but still wanted to have more diversity in her show so she just called him AroAce. In Hazbin Hotel he isn't bad representation though. His sexuality is never the focus but thats fine, it's mostly just the treatment he gets outside of HH which I don't like.

Charlie (Bisexual): doesn't have a lot to her sexuality. This is something I talked about pretty lengthy in my other post, specifically about the lack of Sapphic content in both shows, so I won't go into too much detail here. Her relationship with Vaggie would probably be the best in both shows if it wasn't for the fact that they both never get the real spotlight as a couple. And there is that thing in Vivzepops stories where the women are pretty much sexless without men and that's obviously something that is generally an issue when talking about the lack of Sapphic representation (which is also a topic heavily tied to sexism). Charlie's portrayal isn't necessarily stereotypical but that's just because there is nothing to her identity in the show.

Vaggie (Lesbian): like I said I already talked about the Chaggie relationship so now I wanna focus on something I didn't even mention in that post. Her name literally being Vagina and that's apparently funny because she is a Lesbian so she obviously likes Vagina. That's just incredibly stereotypical and also excludes Trans Lesbians and Asexual Lesbians who don't want sex. The whole joke was that Adam named her that because he is obsessed with sex and he's a jerk. But her name was always Vagina even in the pilot (from what I know Adam wasn't conceived then and neither was the idea that Vaggie even is a former exterminator).

That's all the queer characters I could think of. I hope I didn't miss any.

I thought about including Millie here too. But she was also already included in my other discussion post and I still don't know if she is canonically Bisexual of if that is just a headcannon so I didn't put her here.

I'm just gonna say that i don't have a problem with queer men being sexual (or any queer person in that regard). But it's pretty much every one of her queer male characters. This is especially bad when a lot of the relationships are toxic as well.

I just think too many characters fit stereotypes and to me that isn't good queer representation. If you like the depiction of queer characters in HH or HB that's good for you and you don't have to agree with me. But you also can't really deny a lot of this stuff and you can't expect others to just be fine with bland, hurtful and sometimes even toxic representation like there is in these shows.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel criticism #vivzepop critical #hazbin hotel critical #hazbin hotel critique #vivziepop #helluva boss #helluva boss critical #helluva boss critique #helluva boss criticism #queer representation #queer rep in media

[klavery]

tell us your klavery hcs about how they started dating^^ (who asked who first, where they go for dates, first kisses/hand holding, etc)

EEEK! I AM SO SORRY!!! this took a while 2 answer cuz i wrote a whole frickin ESSAY! i guess thats what happens when u ask tumblr user klavery 2 talk about klavery, lol.... ANYWAYS,

ok ok omg... firstly i want 2 warn that i clearly take them wayy too seriously and romanticize the fuck out of them and its rly embarrassing bcuz they are stupid but i am just too gone 4 them at this point so 😊👍

SO LIKE!!! avery being aspec + autistic in my minds eye affects pretty much everything abt their relationship 2 romance & dating & stuff... so that & the fact theyre like a dorky awkward nerd to me makes them pretty passive & nervous abt romance stuff, at least at first! avery seems like they could b the suave confident type when it comes 2 romance, which is the kind of person i think their character develops into once they get the hang of it (still a silly dork tho OF COURSE). that being said, in the beginning, avery wasnt usually the one to initiate things often! klara was his first everything... his first crush, his first kiss, everything like that (as opposed to klaras like, 20 exes, lol) so he was kind of inexperienced XP

the development of their relationship is like... at first they HATED each other, they found each other so ANNOYING and INSUFFERABLE, naturally... until a little problem in the form of a 13 year old child showed up at the dojo. apparently this kid was enough of a mutual threat to get the two of them to tolerate each other enough to reluctantly team up... also can i say they r literally like cartoon antagonists to me? they are SO funny and dumb i am SO obsessed... anyways! after the whole main plot of the isle of armor is over, they still kinda almost, try 2 awkwardly ignore each other? tsunderes... they cant admit theyre growing fond of each other xP and after a while, that strategy just doesnt work out :p they continue 2 train at the dojo, and this soon leads 2 them becoming friends! this part is integral 2 me 4 the development of their relationship, they become total besties, they r such galpals........

after some indeterminate amount of time after becoming friends, avery finally falls for her. i headcanon klara was always attracted to him, even when she hated him, lol. they were like two freaks who were perfect partners in crime. they get really close and affectionate, even platonically ❤ ... u can tell how crazy i am over enemies to friends to lovers for them xP

so with ALL THAT in mind.... i think klara would ask first? technically? i mean klara would b the kind of person 2 want someone 2 confess their undying love 4 her, but avery was kindaa weird. i dont think they would have EVER asked her directly tbh.... they were soo confused abt their feelings hehe, abt her but also abt dating in general. klara kinda knew abt the latter, considering avery would have opened up 2 her abt it in my brainspace. i guess knowing this she would just shoot her shot & suggest that they could date! avery is so nervous.... he panics and says he needs time 2 think on it, and when he finally recomposes himself hes all like, Ahem, Klara, I Would Like To Formally Accept Your Ever So Gracious Invitation.. hehehe.... he was so funny.

UM so they try dating!! and i dont rly care if it isnt realistic or believable or whatever at all i just like cute indulgent things.

so what do they do!?! WELL, i think a particular Official artwork could answer that..

(ok but could u IMAGINE my reaction when this was first revealed!? they literally merchandised MY headcanons they merchandised MY SHIP they did it ALL 4 me💞💞💞 this is my own scan too btw! sooo worth it. its soo in character too, klara too busy clout chasing 2 notice her partners abt 2 get his flesh melted off over some curry 😊 and of course, all the lil slowpokes around them❤ quintessential klavery image). but ya! this could possibly b their first date?? i feel like i wanna honor the existence of this wonderful art and say yes.... so aside from pokecamping or just hanging out around the island doing tasks and training and such, OFC they would go shopping, they would go 2 the mall, they would have spa day, avery would take her 2 high end fancy restaurants (bcuz hes upper class and loaded lol), all while being menaces 2 society of course 🥰. OH! wanna know what i think would b cute?? THIS IS SO CRINGE but basically i hc that they have rooms at the dojo 4 the students (so they dont have 2 sleep in tents or go home everyday or whatever...) and i think it would b SO cute if honey and/or mustard helped avery set up a lil candlelit dinner date in his room~ its so silly but so sweet❤

hmm.. honestly i really like the idea of their first kiss being kinda like, lowkey. juxtaposed to the kind of people they are. one might expect some kind of grandiose fairytale type situation... when in fact they were just chillin alone somewhere on the island, and she asked 2 kiss them... and they agreed! it left avery asking themself, what am i doing? how did i get here?? everything had been so different. this definitely wasnt what they would have imagined for themself... but they loved it. averys life was changing in unexpected ways. i guess this was first-love making him a little cuckoo in the head, huh? maybe this event had been a bit grandiose, in its own way.

WOW this post really devolved into me writing fanfiction about how kissing klara caused existential revelations within avery. nice! ok!

anyways!!! we r almost at the end! so!! avery was so touch starved, omg. he wouldnt let just anyone touch him, tho, of course. but if he liked you, well... earlier i said i believed they were pretty close b4 they dated, so if klara were to grab their hand, they wouldnt object, hehe~ (shes the one w the cold hands btw, and a firm grip, too..). things abt avery & physical touch interest me so much honestly, it is so intriguing when a character who could use psychic powers 4 everything would decide not to... especially when it comes 2 affection....

eeeeeaaaaahhh!!! ive gone on too long!! i never talk abt my hcs in detail EVER so like! theres stuff i know i couldve elaborated on more but i didnt wanna go TOO off topic... ofc i could write whole novels about my silleys..... THANK U 4 SENDING THIS!!!! hope it was comprehensible, heheh

#hollyposts #klavery #i am totally ok with more questions btw hehehehe #i get kinda nervous abt it but i do love talking abt them too so...

[clefairytea]

Do you have any horror book recs? you are very big brained and I trust your opinions

OH BOY DO I. Standard warning that this is all horror so it's all like. Fucked up. I'll try to place warnings for anything specific but like. There's just going to be a lot going on in general. If you’re interested but maybe concerned I’d advise looking into any rec further before diving in, especially as some of these I read a while ago and may not remember certain aspefcts of!

I have to start by repping my fave novel of all time, We Have Always Lived in the Castle, by Shirley Jackson. It's maybe not as well-known as her short stories (e.g., the Lottery, which from what I've heard a lot of Americans study in school) or The Haunting of Hill House, but it's such a spectacular, dark, weird novella. It's about witchcraft, family, alientation in the American suburbs, and how fucked up a teenage girl can get. There is barely a second of wasted breath in it. It's funny, dark, creepy, and weirdly triumphant all at once. I love it so much. Warnings for familial abuse and murder.

Recently I also read Sayaka Murata's short story collection Life Ceremony, which I thought was absolutely fantastic. Murata's insights on conformity in Japanese society are fascinating, and while I'm not sure Murata has ever come out and identified as one way or another, there's a lot of queerness baked into her work (particularly from an ace-aro perspective). These short stories are fantastically freaky, sometimes funny and sometimes scary. A lot of it concerns s/ex, cannibalism, gore, death, and reproduction.

Speaking of Japanese horror, the short story The Human Chair by Edogawa Ranpo (https://pseudopod.org/2021/08/21/pseudopod-771-the-human-chair/) has been living rent-free in my brain since I listened to it almost a full year ago now. It basically is about a guy who wants to live in a chair and uh. It escalates. It's a bit of a weird horror in that it's one where when you read it you're like 'haha, this is silly' and then when you lie down to sleep later you're like 'DDD:'. Warnings for paranoia, sexual harassment, and uh. Being very fucking creepy generally.

I also recently finished This World Does Not Belong To Us (which, what a NAME, eh) by Natalia Garcia Frere. This novella is INCREDIBLY dark, grimy, and weird and I loved it so much that I wanted to eat it. This one is about a dude who is sold into slavery as a child and returns to his familial home to enact revenge. It's so so bleak, but beautifully written - almost more of a prose poem than a novel - and it's just so astoundingly eerie. I want Del Toro to adapt it to a stop-motion film. Content warnings for abuse, slavery, gross bodily functions, and SO MANY insects.

For something a bit campier and maybe more like, fun horror, I'd recommend Horrorstör by Grady Hendrix. Try and get a physical copy of this one, rather than ebook, if you can, because the entire concept of this it's a horror-comedy novel based entirely in an off-brand IKEA, and the book is styled after an IKEA catalogue. It's pulpy, spooky, a lot of fun, and I devoured it all in one day. I wouldn't say it's scary exactly, but it is a gruesome anti-capitalist ghost story so. Who can say no.

If you're after more 'terrible women being awful' horror, I'd recommend Tell Me I'm Worthless by Alison Rumfitt. This is about a fraught friendship between a trans woman and a recently radicalised TERF, following a traumatic incident they had together at a haunted house. While I do think this book suffers a bit from needing a more brutal editor (esp considering the author's relatively young age), it's really compelling and gripping. Content warnings for transphobia, discussions of geno/cide/naz/ism, r/ape, terrorism.

If you're a YA reader, I'd suggest Louise O'Neill's 'Only Ever Yours'. Don't be put off by the corny-ass cover most editions have - O'Neill is an incredibly skillfull writer and this a great, dark dystopian novel, exploring misogyny against teen girls taken to its absolute extreme. While it's very much an YA Novel in many ways (sometimes it does feel like it's sitting you down to Explain How A Sexism Works), I think that's just par for the course for the genre, and if you're reading YA just something you have to expect a bit. Content warnings for r/ape, eating disorders, body image, misogyny, and homophobia (I think, it's been a while since I read this one!).

Yeah, those are my big picks off the top of my head!

#clefairy squeaks #Haha I feel like I don't SEEM like someone who loves horrible misery books but. #I read Heartstopper recently too and liked it I swear #Haha writing this post got me all excited maybe I'll read Only Ever Yours again

[gerogerigaogaigar]

Here we go again babey. I should note also that a lot of these albums are ones I already know and have an opinion on so yeah I'm not some perfect critic or whatever. Some of these albums I'm going into for the first time and others might be my hundredth listen. Do take my opinions seriously though because I am the best at listening to music ever.

Boyz II Men - II

As The Beatles begat The Monkees, as Nirvana begat 3 Doors Down, so did Boyz II Men beget NSYNC. I don't want to imply that Boyz II Men II is secretly a masterpiece, it falls to many of the classic traps of 90s R&B. Being overly sensual to the point of camp, slightly too clean vocals, and the curse of the 4-5 minute runtime all plague this album. The production does show some ties to the Motown classics of the 60s though. All the instrumentals are very nice and the more energetic songs are genuine bops that I would throw on any party playlist. Also it ends on an amazing acapella cover of Yesterday.

The Ronettes - Presenting the Fabulous Ronettes

I have such a soft spot for these early 60s girl groups so forgive me for not being critical here. The Ronettes are just wonderful. Phil Specter, may his soul never know peace, was one of the best producers of the 60s and this album contains some of his best work. The tones of every instrument mingles into a delicious musical soup. Does that metaphor work? It doesn't matter, this is musical comfort food. A peek into what a weird horrible man thought teens were like.

Marvin Gaye - Here, My Dear

Not a lot of albums have "divorced guy energy" as strong as this one. While I do like it I'm still always amused to see this listed as one of the best of all time. The whole album is made up of passive aggressive digs at his ex wife. In fact the whole record was made as part of his divorce settlement. I'm not kidding he had to record an album and give all the royalties to his ex. It's equal parts funny and pathetic and wouldn't be more than a strange footnote in musical history if it weren't for Gaye's natural songwriting chops.

Bonnie Raitt - Nick of Time

I cannot even fathom what it would be like to think that Bonnie Raitt deserved a spot on any top anything list. With middle of the road performances and derivative, not to mention dated, country/blues rock styling Bonnie Raitt just about manages to keep me awake through the entire album. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone that likes music.

Harry Styles - Fine Line

This is the guy that Wattpad teens are being sold to by their parents? Honestly it's mostly pretty fine. The upbeat pop songs are good enough, but the slow ballads are insufferable. It is sometimes apparent that Styles thinks he is John Lennon, it is always apparent that he isn't. I would never trust a man who wants you to believe this badly that he is feeling Big Emotions.

Linda Ronstadt - Heart Like a Wheel

The 70s wasn't particularly kind to country music, then again no decade since the 60s has been. The constant move away from it's folk roots towards a more polished aesthetic have tormented the genre for decades. Linda Ronstadt is not immune to the sanitization that country music was facing, but she does at least deliver some good tunes and an amazing voice. I guarantee you will have When Will I Be Loved stuck in your head, I know I do.

#500 album gauntlet #boyz ii men #the ronettes #marvin gaye #bonnie raitt #harry styles #linda ronstadt

[bookio]

To Be Me (2015) by Anna Höglund

Rosa is on the edge of becoming a teenager and shares her thoughts of boys, periods, jealousy, body image and sexualization of young girls by older men. She spends her time making a comic about women's history. I don't have much to say beside relating a lot to this kind of thoughts from when i was that age. The drawings are brighter than this author's other books, and the handwritten text is thankfully easy to comprehend and read! 3/5 stars

- - - - -

Life in a Shoebox (2018) by Liv Marit Weberg

I really liked this book!! It reminds me so so much of one of my favorite animes "Watamote", where a girl tries to fit in with her peers and society only to try so hard she get completely weird. The second hand embarrassment is funny, relatable and deliciously awkward.

Rose just moved to another city to study at a university. Running 10 minutes late to the very first class, she falls into a loop kinda like "well they're gonna be mad at me for being late that last time so.. now when i overslept again might as well try next time .. and oh now it's gone too long to even show my face at all, wow going to class is really difficult puh". I was also like this!! 👏

Instead she goes full NEET on student loan (how long til they realize she isn't attending class?) and starts dating the first guy to ever talk to her on campus. Him thinking they had a moment and asks her later to be his gf. She's however only kinda waiting the relationship to run it's course, funny enough at Christmas she can't think of any gifts to get him so she pulls out — a heckin envelope with 500 SEK in it, and a non personalized note saying "Merry Christmas :)". She tries to save the situation by hitting him between the shoulders, saying "Get yourself something nice!" like a grandparent omg. He ofc breaks up with her.

After the breakup and failed study attempt, the parents are worried and suggest a monthly pay to help her back on her feet. When her parents asks what Rose's plan is, she honestly tells them that she's gonna live out the student loan and then live on their monthly "help". The parents go livid so she quickly lies that she has another class ongoing which calms them down.

Rose follows her plan by living on the student loan while barely leaving the apartment for months. Til the last month arrive and she has miscalculated, student loans are only transferred for 10 months, not 11. She has to call her parents for help to be able to buy food.

The mother noticing her daughter is actually following up the plan she presented them, decides to financially cut her off completely. Rose has to go look for a job, which is really really difficult since she lacks any skills, hate social interactions and is unmotivated.

Somehow, she lands a job at a station pub. Which might seem odd because those are always buzzing with social activities BUT this pub is basically a dead fish in the water. There's no customers (and if there were, the pub has literally nothing to offer) so it's perfect for Rose to just stand around, pretending to work.

The boss however decides to "follow his writing dreams" and hires another girl. And they are planning to start some sort of art magazine. Suddenly there's a lot of people in there and Rose has to actually DO WORK, and her anxiety is completely visible & understandable.

The magazine people have a beer party at the pub, Rose gets drunk. Her ex is there, and he's having a baby with the newly hired girl (they're all 20). The new girl calls Rose a "r*tard" and is baffled to found out her bf was with such a monotone person. Rose checks out and connects with one of the magazine people, a shy guy with glasses. Turns out he's also her neighbor - and have 38 baby rats. They connect over the rats and other things, and soon antisocial Rose visits him daily.

One day, glasses guy informs her he's quitting the magazine to work at his aunt's pet store, in the town over, so he has to move. Rose gets really upset about this, but glasses guy suggest she go with him? And she's like, heck yea! And her parents are happy for her. But at the last chapter, Rose takes a moment to tell herself not to get too comfortable because the "ball of life" will keep on rolling, that there'll definitely be bumps along the way, but nonetheless the "ball will keep rolling". 5/5 stars

[jasonsmirrorball]

The s*m fandom is honestly a bit toxic. I’ve seen people get sent death & r/pe threats because they ship Azriel with a certain priestess, and have even said those two characters couldn’t be together because she’s a survivor of assault. It’s gross to think survivors can’t have consensual sex of their choosing. I get scared to voice that I ship Azriel with Gwyn because I don’t want to get bullied. There’s negativity on all sides. I miss how things used to be for fandoms, all fandoms, in general. People were excited about sharing their art, their edits, and creating headcanons, but now it seems people are always wanting to bring another person down.

Anyways, on a positive note, I love your Jason fics! Jason Todd has my whole heart and I love him.❤️

censoring the names because i don't want to accidentally end up on an ac0tar blog's fyp and get dragged lmao

yeah nonnie :((( i’m not part of the s*jm fandom but i do remember seeing stuff about that. i think there’s just always going to be a demographic within any group of fans who are just. actually batshit insane and not in a fun silly way. i 100% agree about g.wyn btw, i think it’s weird to dismiss a character’s agency in the name of reclaiming agency ?

there’s a lot of things wrong with most fandoms and this is a generalisation of course but i’ve noticed w a lot of the (bookt*k) ac0tar fans that they just don’t have much reading comprehension or critical thinking skills (ex. g.wyn/azr1el, claiming the bat.boys as poc etc.) and this isn’t to say that i didn’t enjoy reading that series because there’s parts of it i enjoyed! i love analysing the book series but also i think that fandom is guilty of giving the author way more credit than she's due (sort of like jkr if i'm being honest - esp with the representation aspect where actual canon is quite subpar and shallow)

trashy books are a guilty pleasure of mine like, i don't read them as much anymore but i do kind of have fun reading the silly amazon books with awful descriptions and even worse characters that make you want to scream because they're so unserious i have to laugh. i just don't like to interact with a lot of the takes within that space because they make me want to scream and not in a funny way !

also!!! thank you so so much hehehe i love jason and i'm glad u enjoy my fics, it means so much to me!! i'm sending u love <333

#tw discourse #tagging just to be safe #i burnt my dumplings a little typing out this rant :((( just another thing the ac0tar fandom has taken from me

[zushimart]

hi idk if this is a weird ask or not bc im half asleep but i just wanted to say that i started following u on my old blog in late 2022 like maybe december and your posts about bpd scara made me feel so seen. i wasn't diagnosed then but it was recently on the table as a diagnosis for me all of a sudden and it was terrifying because i feel like pwbpd are demonized and hated everywhere i look. and just like scrolling thru ur bpd scara tag was like looking at a diary of my own mind or smth. so it was really new to me to see someone talk about borderline as something that brings love and pain into our lives and not just as some scary evil-people diagnosis. like ur definitely my fav writer on this app by far but also u make me feel really validated in my emotions i guess? wow idk sorry like i actually have no idea how to describe it but hopefully u can read minds ‼️ 🤞 i have since been diagnosed with bpd with a criteria score of 9/9 so 😳 idk where id be rn in september 2023 if i hadn't sort of started to learn to love myself from your writings exploring a character. so yea this is probably a strange ask so feel free to ignore it. also im going on anon bc im scared of interacting w ppl. ALSO U R SO FUNNY ND YOUR HUMOR/RANDOM FUNNY TAGS FEEL SO SIMILAR TO MY INTERNAL MONOLOGUE

this is such an open & genuine thing to say to me . i like had to sit with it for a second because it was so .. idk like how to communicate it . my devaluation of ths blog is pretty frequent, treating it sort of like a big boy version of the 2000s children’s diaries with locks.. my thoughts tossed in here nd piled nd piled nd piled, endlessly messy. nd it objectively is a writing blog , like yeah, on a surface level, i own& maintain a writing blog, but i would never tell people that. when people ask my hobbies i always say writing & ill show them my poetry pieces but i never tell them i have a blog because im kind of embarrassed by the very seriously delusional self indulgence i pour into this thing . but then i hear about.. like, for ex. we learned ab and have to maintain our own commonplace book in class, which is essentially where people collected anything and everything they felt needed to be archived from their day and tucked it into the pages of a journal . like how thomas jefferson’s commonplace book will have his serious philosophical & political ramblings side by side a recipe for cornbread because it was just a place to put everything big & small . the practical & the theoretical. just, whatever Means something to u. and leisure, indulgence, pleasure r concepts just as important as virtues imo. anyway i say all this to say that what u said to me makes me want to treat everything better, even this place. it like, makes me feel really proud of my writing& analyses that i might normally b quick to label as inconsequential or childlike because im scared people will think i care too much about something so culturally insignificant. but i do care!! obviously!! a lot. i was like kind of bummed today for a number of reasons frm feeling a bit isolated to feeling like living out my principles& ideals (connecting w community, peer centered thinking etc etc) is almost impossible because im sooo freaking shitty at social convention. so when u sent this in & i read it, it was almost like when ur spacing out nd someone snaps 🫰🫰 in front of ur face to get ur attn. so busy trying 2 b significant to someone to realize that u Already are significant in a myriad of little ways. that it’s not something u search for or insert urself into but rather an inevitable outcome of existing. Anyway . not to b sentimental but i wanted 2 b as candid with u because i really did think it was sweet of u to share & im really happy that i was able 2 positively shape & support a little space of ur life because really thats all i ever want to do. Soooooooooo if ur ask was weird then my response is even weirder. Handwritten thank u:

#And what kind of boyfriend would i be if i didnt support my girlfriend with beautiful princess disorder #i think its just a fact of loving someone that even the most frustrating things ab them can b beautiful #or that for every weakness there’s an equally intense strength like sides of a coin #My response to this ask would b so much more impactful if i didnt constantly make dick and ball and sex jokes on this damn blawwg #happy tag

[chelleztjs18]

Hello you mrs. mango eater iced coffee drinker bread lover honey nut cheerio lefty eyebag princess😅

Hm so with my second account, it follows the same blogs I follow in the first one. I don't really know how to just follow certain blogs for each account lol cause I tried to see if I can follow people with my second account name but I can't 🤔

But yeah 😁 it is like incorrect quotes, and right now it's mostly focused around Wanda hahaha I am making it mostly funny because I really don't know how to write anything else. I suck at writing things in detail.

Ah I know what you mean. My best friend is the same way, she is constantly cleaning or just playing with her daughter. I think she will have a hard time when my niece goes to preschool soon lol

I say get drunk! It's the end of the year, let go of it ahahaha let go by getting drunk then having a really bad hangover the next day. Hm, maybe I won't give you my other tumblr name, I don't wanna get weird drunk text from you 😂 just kidding

Okay, I'll see if I can find the movie in the store or stream it somewhere 🤔 I am the same way, I hate when people talk to me during the movie. But if I am at home, I always pause the movie so I can make comments lol

I usually don't mind gory movies. I get iffy though when they show something being done to the characters skin or nails. Hahaha! Thats exactly why I can't watch filipino scary movies. I feel like the ghosts or supernatural stuff are actually there and will haunt me.

Hm I don't know either. I never pay attention to ratings until after I watch the movie. Oh actually there is one that people loved but I hate it because it was so bad. It's the cabin in the woods. It's supposed to be scary, but the whole time I was watching it, I kept going what the eff. 😂

Ok, last question for the night. 3 movies or shows that awaken your sexuality or was your sexual awakening. I hope the question made sense.

-CuriousGeorge

Hi hi righty eyebag!

Wow, that was a long nickname plus the princess nickname at the end..😁🤭

Ah i see. So it means ur second account follows mine..i wonder which none is u 🤔 hahahah.

I love incorrect quotes! Some of them can make me really laugh out loud..😅😆 n how they make y/n sometimes stupid but funny n how wanda or nat very patient with y/n. I love it!

Hahaha okay, it's understandable that u dont wanna give me ur tumblr because of not wanting to get drunk text from me. 🤣🤣🤣

Im.not sure if i wanna get drunk. The last time i got drunk, i shared a big bottle of vodka with him n other cocktails, i got so drunk n i felt like shit the next morning.. 🤣

Hahah yeah pls find it n let me know what u think about Knives Out.

Well, that's not fun either if u keep stopping the movie to comment. Just kidding.😆 at least it's bettter than miss the movie because someone is talking. It's still very thoughtful of u.

I will talk in the movie sometimea if we rewatch a movie n the other person already watched it too.

Im like that too with indonesian ghost movie.. i think asian ghosts r described a little more eerily weird.hahaha. n they look scary.

Ah i see.i never really remember movies that i regret watching that people love it.

Oh oh! I remember! I watched Hunger Games Mocking Birds with my friends n they all were excited about it. But i fell asleep watching it.😅 a movie thats called Yesterday also got me bored like hell that i have to stop watching it not even half of movie. The most recent bad movies i watch that people seems to love it is the latest Jurassic Park movies. I even feel like almost 3 hours of my life was wasted 😅 it's just my opinion though, i hv nothing agaisnt the fans of that movie.

Hmm 3 movies that was my gay awakening

1. The Mummy Returns (Rachelle Weisz was sooo hot in it)

2. I Can't Think Straight (the story is quite similar with my story with my ex-gf)

3. Kyss Mig or Kiss me (it's a sweden movie but good story in it.)

4. Iron Man 2 (when Natasha first appeared in MCU)

Whats urs?

Next question

Cheerio!

#chellez answers #ask answered #anon answered #curious george anon

[existolotl]

I’m gonna tell you all about HIM!!!!

He’s really smart and funny and handsome and he absolutely TOWERS over me (really nice). He has a condition that leads to him remembering EVERYTHING, and he really likes physics. I asked him what music he liked and he said pop and R&B and when I asked him about his favorite artists he said he loved Giveon. I’ve been listening to Giveon since (it’s been a week). He likes eating and cooking which is nice because it’s something we have in common, but it might have a bad impact on my plan to become skinnier. He ALWAYS talks and I love listening to him, he talks about what he’s done and read in the past and what he thinks of some subjects and he told me all about his past girlfriends (I was a little bit jealous, even though I had no right to be). He has had his heart broken once, and the other times he was broken up with he stayed friend with his exes. He told me that he thinks having sex gets old fast and I shouldn’t think it’s too special. He likes it when people are honest with him and never gets offended, no matter what you say about him. He has the most amazing voice and knows a lot of songs by heart and he likes it when I sing with him. Even when he’s walking with other people, he slows down and waits for me if he sees me walk by. He likes anime and reading and comics and drawing. He always carries a pair of headphones around his neck because he loves listening to music and he told me sometimes he needs to take a rest and isolate himself with music when he’s with a lot of people. He doesn’t really like alcohol but likes bartending (he’s really good at it). He doesn’t like coffee, just like me. He’s really good at sailing and has a big brother who’s a bit of a playboy. His family is pretty wealthy. He lives in a different city as me, but it’s not too far I guess. I would need to take the train to meet him. He likes to hug people and touch them in a non-romantic and non-sexual way like touching their hair or scratching their head or putting his arms on their shoulders or leaning on them. Some people don’t like him because he talks really a lot, but I love that. He’s older than me but only by a little bit. If he were an animal, he’d be a brown bear. His hair is fluffy and his cheeks are chubby like mine, they’re so cute. My friends don’t like him because they think he’s too weird, but I think he’s one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met. He likes lame jokes and shares food with me, he even cut up a peach and shared it with me once.

The last time I saw him I asked him if we were acquaintances or friends and he told me that we were two people who liked being with each other, and that what we called that didn’t matter. When I asked him again, he told me we were friends. We’re friends. I like being his friend, really a lot. But being his girlfriend would be the best. I really like him.

[homeofthelonelywriter]

FF: Diary - Tom Hiddleston

(A/N) Another Fanfic Friday! Thank you so much for the request @scorpionchild81​! I hope you like it!

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Warning: privacy being invaded, abusive partner, workplace bullying

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey Tom! Do you want the usual?” I put the last of the boxes down and sighed in relief.

“Yes please, love!” I quickly made my way to the front door, tripping over one or two boxes on my way. Y/N was about to leave when I managed to catch up to her.

“Kiss, love.” She chuckled and turned back to face me, pressing her lips against mine.

“See you in a bit.” She winked at me.

“See you.” As soon as the door clicked shut, I turned back and looked at the chaos in front of me. Moving was all fun and games until you had to start unpacking. Neither in the mood for bathroom, kitchen or living room, I decided to start in the bedroom.

Once there, I sat down on the already build bed and pulled the nearest box to me, cutting it open with a boxcutter.

Books, books and more books. I dragged the box to the shelves and started to sort through them. Fantasy, sci-fi, historic fiction, young adult and much more. I wasn’t even paying attention anymore when I felt something fabric-like in my hands. When I looked down, I was holding a blue and pink colored, fabric bound notebook in my hand. It took me a moment to realize that it had to be Y/N’s old diary.

To read or not to read, that is the question. I knew that I would be invading Y/N’s privacy, but I was really curious about her past. She never really talked about it.

I sat down on the bed and opened it to a random page.

Dear diary,

today is Grandma’s funeral. I really miss her. Being dressed in all black is also really weird. But mom insisted on it. I know Grandma wouldn’t want it. She loved colorful clothes and was always happy. She wouldn’t want us to be in all black and cry. But I can’t stop the tears that come whenever I think about her.

It’s time to go. I love you Grandma. And I miss you.

I sighed. Y/N had told me about her Grandma. How she was more of a mother than her actual mother and when she died…she fell into a deep hole.

I turned to the next page. It was dated a few weeks later.

Dear diary,

I don’t know what to do anymore. Since Grandma’s gone…I…I feel empty. Nothing’s fun anymore. Nothing…feels real. Mom is back on her bullshit too and won’t listen when I try to tell her about how I’m feeling. I don’t think anyone really cares. I don’t know what to do…

I flipped through the next few pages until something caught my eye.

Dear diary,

I think I found the one. He is funny, he is nice and really tall. And his eyes! I love his eyes. I really do think that he is the one. I hope he’s the one.

Her ex? She barely talks about him and what I’ve heard from her friends…he wasn’t all that great. I continued, the next few pages filled with more stuff about him until…it stopped. Some pages were torn out, but what was written on the next one chilled me to the bone and filled me with burning rage at the same time.

Dear diary,

he hit me again. He was drinking and I was late when I picked him up from the bar and when we were back home, he hit me. Just like last time. I know this isn’t right, but I love him. I can’t leave him.

I quickly flipped to the next page, the next day apparently.

Dear diary,

he apologized, said it would never happen again.

He said he loves me.

I had to lay the diary down for a second and stretch my fingers. I had practically clawed at the notebook and I knew I needed to calm down. Taking a few deep breaths I closed my eyes for a few seconds, before I picked the diary back up.

Dear diary,

I went to the police and they arrested him. I just hope he confesses and that this doesn’t have to go to trial. I don’t know if I could do that. But for now he’s gone. And I’m thinking about moving…put some distance between me and…well…everything. Just gotta find a job…

I smiled, proud of her. I know that that must’ve been hard and…I was just really proud of her. The next entry was dated a few weeks later.

Dear diary,

new job, new me! I guess? I can’t believe I got a job that allows me to move. I’m already packing and I’ve also found a new apartment. I can barely wait.

I think…everything is going to be great over there. At least I hope so.

Dear diary,

I hate it here. The apartment I’m renting sucks and the landlord doesn’t help when something breaks. My coworkers are all mean and pick on me all the time and my boss is the worst of all. Nothing I do is good enough for him, he expects me to work 24/7 and wants me to do his work too. He yells at me, making my coworkers pick on me even more. I just want to disappear. I really do hate it. Why can’t anything work out?

There were tear stains on the page and some of the ink was smeared. My heart ached with every word she wrote. The next pages were similar to this one. I flipped through them until I saw a date I recognized.

Dear diary,

this time, I really have found the one. His name is Tom and he is an actor, pretty famous actually but he isn’t at all self-centered or egotistical. He is kind and sweet and just…perfect. I really like him and I think he likes me too. He’s picking me up in a bit, so I have to get ready!

Wish me luck!

I grinned like an idiot. I knew from the moment I met Y/N that she’s the love of my life. Her smile and the way she cared more about others than about herself drew me in immediately. Every time I met her those feelings just grew more intense.

I flipped through the next few pages, all of them about me and our dates. I had to chuckle. Flipping through the other pages, until I landed at the last one.

Dear diary,

you are the last thing I have to pack. Tom and I are moving into our first apartment together and I couldn’t be more excited. Everything is ready. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight, but I don’t care. I can’t wait to live with Tom.

I really love him.

“Tom? I’m back!” I looked up, quickly closing the diary and putting it back into the box. I got to my feet and made my way to the entrance area. Y/N was getting the food out of the bag and placed it on the table in the dining area.

“Sorry it took so long! There were a lot of people before m-” I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close to me.

“I love you so, so much, Y/N.” She was a bit startled but hugged me back.

“I love you too, Tom. But…are you okay?” She giggled.

“Yes love, I’m perfectly fine.”

We stayed in that hug for some time, before she reminded me that our food is getting cold. After we had finished eating, we started to unpack, but we didn’t get far. We got tired and decided to just relax in front of the TV. Unpacking could wait till the next day.

“Tom! Are you coming?” Y/N had already gotten settled, but I was still in the bedroom, pulling on some sweatpants.

“In a second my love.” I reached into my bag and pulled out a small, velvet box. Inside was the ring I picked out a few weeks ago. I nodded to myself and hid it in my right pocket.

I think tonight is the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Support me on Patreon <3

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston imagine #imagine tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fanfiction #tom hiddleston fanfic #tom hiddleston ff #fanfic friday

[doopy-n-loopy]

Yan!TF2 × reader headcannons (SFW and NSFW)

// obsessive tendancies, mentions of violence, blood, sexual themes, noncon

[SFW]

Let's start with the defense classes

Defense:

Demoman

Deffo didn't admit that he loved you

Tbh he probably blamed it on his drunkenness

But dude you're always drunk

I mean seriously if he sobers up he'll genuinely die so like-

He would usually drink with you or just around you if you don't drink

He's generally a fun chill guy to be with

He would watch you from a distance at times, especially during battle you might distract the cyclops

He's okay with you asking questions

One time he broke his eyepatch and needed a new one

You gave him a nice black eyepatch with the demoman emblem on it

He gets all red whenever you say his full name, because he knows you remembered it

He is generally against kidnapping, I mean especially since he lives with his ma he'd rather not

And because he's a gentleman

If you ever reciprocate his feelings he'll make sure to treat you right

He is a messy person but for you? He'll clean

Probably would get carried away and make home made bombs with all the cleaning supplies 🤦‍♂️

Takes you to meet his mom

"ooo Tavish, yer gonna get me some grand kiddos are ya?"

That made you both blush like crazy

Soft cheek kisses

Probably made a special bomb and named it after you

"this one's for you, luv!" *Proceeds to set off all stickybombs which blows up the entire enemy team*

Blew up the last guy who looked at you funny

Hell, even worse when they make a sexual remark to you scout probably did it

Likes to give you your space but when he's paranoid he follows you to wherever or watched you from a distance

Heavy

Two words: big boy

Hugs are 10000000000/10

Sometimes it fewls suffocating but man it's like hugging a cloud

Soft forehead kisses

Russian pet names

He sometimes lets you touch Sasha, that's how he knows he loves you because he doesn't even let medic, his best friend, touch her

Probably named a gun after you or one of the pet names he calls you

You definitely met his family and they loved you

Zana especially

Doesn't get jealous easily but will not hesitate to unload 12 pounds of bullets into someone who even LOOKS at you the wrong way

Lord have mercy on the ones who dare flirt with you, rest in pieces scout

Doesn't really follow you anywhere (you're a bit too fast for him) but he does watch you and check up on you

He preforms okay on the battlefield but when you're around, he'll show off

Will cook for you, mainly russian dishes

He's very against kidnapping and would rather not do it

Doesn't shut up about you when he's around medic

Engineer

F l u f f y

Very softspoken in general but he gets all flustered when you talk to him

Will check up on you occasionally

"Darlin'" "Honey bunny" things like that y'know

Huge smile when you're around

Will cook for you most definitely, knows what you like

Makes little robots for you

Likes seeing you use his dispenser

Doesn't get jealous easily either but will try and take you away from someone who wants your attention

Likes just having you in his presence, doesn't need to talk to be happy with you around

Very very against kidnapping like all other defense classes, wouldn't do it unless if he truly felt the need to, last resort kind of thing

The last guy who flirted with you had a sentry gun shoved up his ass

Doesn't really follow you anywhere

Offense:

Scout

Nothing short of a horomonal teenager

I mean he's 21 but

He gets so giddy around you, very loud, tries to show off

He loves you very much

"oh yeah? Well I once absolutely smashed a guy into peices, he was still screaming when he was dead!"

He brags about brutal things but hey you love it since you're also brutal

Flexes his non-existent muscles around you

Would talk about his mom to you all day

Definitely got a tattoo of your face and name somewhere on his body, most likely his bicep

Your name is probably misspelled too but you never say anything about it because he can't read so it's fine

He hasn't really thought about kidnapping in all honesty, again, a last resort kinda thing if he can't get you to love him

He will make a damn SCENE if anyone flirts with you

"you think that's funny, chucklenuts? I eat guys like you for breakfast lunch AND dinner!" "I'll blow yer freakin head off if ya talk to y/n like that again!" Would definitely drag you away

God help anyone that makes you uncomfortable, he'll fuck them up, if that person is medic I mean he'll try to but we all know how fucking scary medic is

Follows you at times

Pyro

"Mphmphmpph"

Seems more lovey around you

Definitely gave you a hand full of the enemy's bloody bones thinking it was a bouquet of flowers

Absolute baby

Just so precious, scary but precious

Hugs for days

Good luck trying to get their ass off of you when you're on cease-fire

Very warm though, they smell like smoke with a bit of blood

Likes petting you

Isn't against the idea of kidnap because they don't realize what they're actually doing, they think they're just taking you to a magical place

Snuggles

When someone flirts with you their whole world changes

Gets angry and starts yelling at them

"MPHMPHMOHMPHHH! MPHMPHNHUMAHUMA!" - Pyro 2021

Will not let you get a checkup alone, he trusts medic but not with you

Very sweet tho, he'll turn around when you need to strip down

Will follow you almost EVERYWHERE and if they can, while holding your hand

Soldier

Yells at you a little less than the others

At first doesn't realize how he feels but then realizes that he loves you

Is pretty protective over you

Rants about America all day to you

Probably got you an american flag to wear

Doesn't really take off his helmet but he likes seeing you in it, makes him proud

If you ever live with him you'll find out that he owns like 20 racoons

"YOU ARE CUTER THAN A RACOON" "YOU WILL BE SAFE ON THE BATTLEFIELD, DO YOU HEAR ME MAGGOT?"

He loudly wakes everyone up in the morning but tries to avoid waking you up

Loves you as much as he loves America

Will show off on the battlefield for you

Isn't against kidnapping you, he probably did it early on if you showed immediately that you didn't reciprocate his feelings

Will blow any guy that hits on you to absolute bits

"MAGGOT DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU WILL LEAVE THE LADY/MAN ALONE THIS INSTANT!"

Probably put you on his back and rocket jumped just to show you what it felt like

Follows you around a lot, it's really obvious because he wears a bucket over his head and crashes into things, when you look back he'll stand behind a lamp post or somewhere really obvious

Support

Ah yes, everyones favorite class including mine

Sniper

Very quiet

Takes secret glances at you

Pays more attention to you than the others

S h y

Asks how you are, how you slept, etc

Doesn't really need to be holding you, tbh he's against PDA

But he likes being in your presence

Just sit down next to him and he'll be fine

When he's on the battlefield, he'll look for you and make sure you're safe

God forbid anyone try to hurt you, he'll make them suffer

Talks about Australia to you and accidentally admitted that he wanted to take you there

Doesn't like the idea of kidnapping but he isn't totally against it, I can see him doing it

He smuggled you all the damn way to Australia

He'll nonchalantly show off to you on the battlefield, he'll let you get cornered and come in to save the day

"love" is a word he uses a lot with you

Will grumble to himself if he sees someone flirting with you

If it's a random person, well, that'll be the last time you ever see them

Has talked about you to his parents

Kind of follows you? I mean he sits atop a high placeand watches you through his scope whenever you're going somewhere

Spy

SEDUCTIVE ASF

He knows what he's doing

Will kiss your hand a lot

Likes to flirt with you and see you blush

"honhonhon"

Sleazy french fucker

Watched you from afar at first then approached you a little later

Isn't against the idea of kidnapping, pro kidnapping, definitely did it not only to have you to himself but for some sort of sexual satisfaction

Just very uh... Lewd? Can't find the right word

He treats you very respectfully though

If he hears anyone else flirting with you he'll be fuming but won't show it

"Oh please, like you could EVER satisfy y/n's desires"

That person mysteriously disappeared that night

Very cocky bastard

Definetly follows you home, not only that but he watches you through your window

And stalks you

He knows everything about you

Would get you either by knocking you unconscious or by blackmailing you

Medic

B a s t a r d

Gets LOUD when you're around

And giddy

Very touchy, always has a reason to put his hands on you

Talks a lot with you around, I mean he already talks a lot but now he won't shut up

Keeps his office nice and clean for you

He restocks on everything so when you come around you can take a loot at all his medicines

Big smile :D

Like spy he is not at all against kidnapping you

Makes sure you're comfortable during checkups

Will make you wait to be seen last just so he can take his time touching your body

"it's all part of the procedure".mp3

Compliments you in weird ways, ex: "your skin is so smooth and lovely, it's the perfect texture to make leather out of" "you have an amazing colon"

Look he's just trying his best here he has a screw loose

You're the only member who he's careful with really

Sometimes allows you to get hurt or has you get hurt by something just so you can see him

Always follows you wherever

Knows everything about you

If someone is flirting with you, he'll get quiet at first and use a low tone to speak to them

"you have guts talking to y/n like that"

They were never seen again

With kidnapping, he won't hesitate to use blackmail against you, or will just use anesthesia

Bonus: Pauling

Pauling

This lady values her work over her life, but to her you're so much more important

Will call you a lot on the battlefield to check in on you

Won't give you extremely hard missons to do because she doesn't want you to get hurt

"Hey (class), Pauling here. I need you... No not like that I just- I mean- for a mission yeah a mission"

Gets all flustered when you're around

Will take her only day off to spend time with you, what a sweetheart

Keeps multiple tabs on you

Follows you around

Doesn't really have time for kidnapping

But if it comes to that, she'll make something up so she has a reason to kidnap you

If anyone else is flirting with you she won't show that she's annoyed

She'll make something up as an excuse to execute them

[NSFW]

Defense

Demo

Has definitely thought of what you'd look like while naked

B l u s h

Has used a mental image of you to get off before

Probably has an actual photo of you

When he drinks a little more than usual, he'll accidentally brush his hand against your ass or get touchy with you

Will not force himself on you, he's 100% against that

If you decide to have sex with him, praise is what you're gonna get

"you're as beautiful as a shot of whiskey in the sunrise"

Very gentle with his hands

Heavy

Not the type to masturbate

Unless if he gets THAT worked up

Again, against forcing himself on you

But if you want it no doubt you will top

He's also gentle with you

And loving

Praise is all you're gonna get

Sometimes russian sometimes broken english

Either way he will worship your body

Engi

Again, a more modest guy, doesn't really touch himself

Might just use a robot to pleasure himself when thinking about you

Probably has a photo of you and him around his workshop

Never forces himself on you

He's sweet and gentle when you do want it though

Sometimes gets help from his robot friends

Offense

Scout

Gets off on thinking about you

Won't force himself on you though

Sexual remarks × 100

Calls you handsome/beautiful in bed

I wouldn't say he's the best in bed but hey he's good I guess

Cuddles after sex most likely

Probablh threw out all his sexual magazines because they just didn't do the trick anymore

Sometimes when he runs past you, your shirt/skirt gets lifted up by a gust of wind and he can't help but look ( ͡◉ ͜ ʖ ͡◉)

Since I hit the text limit, I'll be making a part 2, stay tuned

#tf2 x reader #medic x reader #engineer x reader #spy x reader #yandere hcs #yandere #scout x reader #sniper x reader #heavy x reader #demoman x reader #pyro x reader #soldier x reader #pauling x reader #yandere tf2

[streaming-yn]

hi! i'd like to request a platonic MtF trans y/n with Wilbur, and i'd also like to say i LOVE your posts. :D

Of course! Thank you for the support anon!! I'm so glad you enjoy my content! :D (also, I'm not sure if this is important to say but; I'm transmasc [writing this was so,, whoa yk? Not in a bad way ofc] so I know what trans stuff I'm talking about! Just flipped the other way around lmao) also!! HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!! Kinda neat I got done with this during pride month I think! enjoy!!

Platonic!cc!Wilbur x MtF!reader

Pronouns: she/they

Other information on the reader:

. Variety streamer

. Minor

. Faceless

. Friends with Wilbur (obviously)

Warnings: hate (gets shut down quickly!), Transphobia (they get put in place tho), cussing

Form: headcanons

Summary: you and Wilbur are best friends! Your MtF trans and that can be really tough but it's okay you can get through it and Wilbur is here to help when you need it :)

Genre: platonic, angst (not a lot, just hate and transphobia but it doesn't last long!), Comfort :), fluff (?)

Abbreviations: y/n -> your name, u/n -> username (on twitch, Twitter, and in games!) (No streamer name for this! You're called by your name!)

You: *starts streaming*

LGBTQ+ Community flocking to you: omg hello my new comfort streamer

Okay but can we talk about your chat during the "starting soon!" Screen? It's kinda funny

Your chat on the waiting screen while you finish setting up stuff:

Hello!!!!

Hey lol *louder than everyone else*

Ahaha y/n you're so cool *trips over my enormous piles of money*

Y/N Y/N I WANT YOU TO KNOW I KNOW HOW TO COOK JUST THOUGHT ID LET YOU KNOW :)

I CAN ALSO CLEAN HAHA NOT SAYING THIS FOR ANY PARTICULAR REASON JUST LETTING YOU KNOW <3

Basically they're all just simps, the whole lot of them

At one time your chat was filled with "🎶yes I do the cooking, yes I do the cleaning🎶" over and over

At one point Wilbur was like um hey?? Guys?? That a little weird?? Y/n's a minor and some of y'all r adults.

Chats quick to reassure that they didn't mean in a disrespectful / creepy way and if you ever were uncomfy with it they would stop (most of them anyway, there's always the little bit of really really weird and creepy chat members, but they'd get banned immediately!)

You said that as long as it was 100% a joke, no adults were saying it, and they didn't actually see you as a girlfriend / wife or whatever else that would be romantic then that's fine! :)

Wilbur banned some people from your chat on that stream because adults were getting mad like "if it's a joke who cares if non-minors say it??" "If everyone can't say it then no one should" "I swear minors just hate adults for no reason!" Etc etc, just insulting your boundaries :\ dumb fucks istg bro

It's okay tho bc they're gone now! Now what're they gonna do? Complain on Twitter?? They gonna get their asses handed to them + multiple reports bc that's creepy as hell

Wilbur hypes up your posts all the time!!!!

You post a pic of yourself and he's like yes!!! Guys look at my best friend!!!!!!

Everyone thinks it's really cute :)

At one time?? Some1 tried cancelling him for pedophilia??? Bc he complemented you?????

You, Wilbur, and other users had to explain that compliments don't equal romantic attraction

Like if you can platonically date someone you can sure as hell platonically compliment someone!!

Y'all's dynamic >>>

Because like, it's loving but you're also asses to each other

Like y'all will hype each other up and call each other best friends and stuff

but at the same time, you tease each other, playfully insult each other, etc

and yeah yeah that's normal friend type stuff but look me in the eyes n tell me the whole of the mcyt fandom / fandoms close to mcyt (ex: someone who's friend with one, someone on the dsmp, etc etc) isn't / aren't obsessed with any friend dynamic, you can't (/nm /lh /hj)

by association you're friends with Tommy, Phil, Quackity, and Charlie! :) you record modded Minecraft videos with them sometimes!!

it's a lot of fun!

also when you join vc tommy starts yelling about how you're a woman!! and women are pog!!!! chat look at my friend who is also a women and she's really pog and you should sub to her and donate and just go check her out

it was great to hear :)

also! during pride month, your subtwt is just like

hey guys <3 guess what <3 y/n is trans and really cool so you should sub and follow and donate <33 and if you don't you're transphobic /j

you make sure to address it and say that as long as they add tone indicators to show they're joking and people aren't actually transphobic for not subbing/etc then it's all good! w/o the tone indicators it can cause major anxiety in some and you don't want that to happen

also only trans people are allowed to make the "sub or you're transphobic" joke because a cis person saying that is a little weird yk

but! they can do it with their own thing! like for example, if a pansexual (using this as an example since I'm pan!) that was a fan of yours was super excited for a sub goal you set up or something

then they could post "gift y/n subs or you're anti-pan/panphobic/ you hate pan people/etc /j" because theyre pan so it's not weird ^^

when you get recognized in public it's usually really positive!! :)

also when you're able to, Wilbur is happy to pay for top/bottom surgery if you want it!!

I'm not sure if I said this but Wilbur's really protective of you! you're like his little sister!

if you have a bad day then call him and you can either talk about it just to vent, talk about it while he give suggestions on how to fix what happened, or just him distracting you from it!

the most often form of distracting that he does is talking with you about things you like to get you to talk about them! he'll steer the convo since you're too stressed to do so but he'll steer it in a direction that you like yk?

(actually though! if youre having an anxiety/panic attack or just a stressful day, get a friend to do this!! it's really helpful and a good way to talk about things you probably don't get to talk about much! it's really helpful and relaxing :)! )

never talks about these phone calls unless you talk about them first, also doesn't give any information away that you haven't already said! h knows it's hard to be vulnerable and wants you to feel safe opening up to him :)

and what I mean by "doesn't give any information away that you haven't already said" is that like let's say you had a call with him the night before you streamed and you mentioned it, he would basically repeat what you said but differently, no new information would be available from what he said

example:

you: me and Wilbur were actually on call last night and didn't get off til late! and we started the call after I got home from school!

Wilbur: yeah, it was really late when we got off call, I heard her hold back a yawn or two I swear

stuff like that yk!!

ALSO WHEN YOU, WILBUR, AND TOMMY INTERACT ITS SO :))

cue fans crying over the sibling dynamic, also a lot of people being like "I WISH I HAD A SISTER LIKE Y/N / BROTHER LIKE TOMMY / BROTHER LIKE WIBUR"

yk how Wilbur goes "don't say that I will cry" when tommy says they're like brothers?

add you into the mix and it's like

tommy: we're- we're like brothers, wilbur!

Wilbur: don't say that, I will cry

you: yeah!! we're like a family I think!! :D

Wilbur: y/n- y/n i WILL cry-

also if your parents know your trans and are cool with it he buys you a trans flag for your room or even to hang up out front of your house if you prefer! :)

taglist; @cvsmixplant

#mcyt x reader #streamer!au #streamer!reader #streamer!y/n #fanfic #fic #headcanon #headcanons #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur x reader #trans! reader #trans!reader #mtf!reader #mtf! reader #writing #requested #asked and answered #platonic x reader #platonic #platonic fanfic #platonic!wilbur x reader #platonic!dsmp x reader #platonic!mcyt x reader