#i have been DISTRACTED from my school work.

[lovrre]

Agreement prt1

Art Donaldson x Fem black reader

Warnings: cursing, infidelity(kinda), slight smut (fingering) sub ish Art. Slight he loves her more trope, needy Art and probably some other stuff

Word count: 2k

Summary: Despite being engaged to one of the top and richest tennis players in the US, you feel unfulfilled. But everything changes when you transfer schools and meet Art Donaldson, who just can’t quit you.

Author note: GUYS GUYS, PLEASE DON’T KILL ME. MY WRITERS BLOCK HAS BEEN SO BAD YOU DONT UNDERSTANDDD, But I’m finishing all my requests and unfinished fics soon so stay tuned. 😚

Sitting on the bed in your brand new silk pajamas, you found yourself distracted, just like you had been the day before and the day before that. You played with The edge of the book you were attempting to read,mindlessly repeated the last sentence over and over in your head trying to retain anything. The loud television and the whirring of the ceiling fan only added to the chaos. Plus the freezing cold air conditioning of the hotel room made it impossible to concentrate.

In a desperate attempt to regain some semblance of focus, you clumsily reached for the remote, hoping to silence at least one of the distractions. your eyes falling on your fiancé who was sleeping peacefully, his dark hair all messy, in his crisp white t-shirt that matched perfectly to the expensive hotel sheets, he looked so sweet,so innocent. You thought if he slept more, maybe everything could work out

Mike slept while snuggled into your side. Like he often did when you two shared a bed, You had attempted to remove him several times but every time he ended right back at your side so you gave up, In any other scenario his action would seem romantic but they only made you feel worse than you were already feeling. In an effort to relieve some guilt you liked to reminded yourself your engagement was never out of love but business. But then again the line did blur in the beginning of your relationship. Before you left for Stanford, you and Mike got caught up in the act of pretending be in love.

After that you could never really tell real from fake with him, he didn’t like you talking to other men. He’d shower you with really expensives grift but then leave town and not answer your calls or text for days. But when no one was watching he’d try to hug and kiss you. The whole thing was confusing, You had known idea how he persived your relationship but you knew You Felt guilty, without all the technicallys, you knew that you still lied,

The people ate up the role you and Mike played. occasionally you’d have to leave campus and go out in public holding hands or sharing kisses in the rain. But it was all for show, at least on your end. Your Dad made sure to reminded you That, it was the love sick tennis player in love with his coaches daughter that sold tickets. kept the stands full of women hoping to catch the world win romances in action. Also Brought in a large number of his clientele. He promised It wouldn’t be forever unless you wanted to be. And Really how could you complain? 20 years old engaged to One of the wealthiest and most talented tennis players in the world and he wasn't bad looking either. Before all this, you weren't too keen on love anyway, so what were you really missing out on?

~~~

Ten months before

Patrick serves but Art's attention is elsewhere. The ball zooms past Art for the second time, prompting Patrick to turn around and finally see who's behind him. His gaze lands on you, playing tennis alone on a smaller court. The sun shining off your smooth, glistening skin, and your pink tennis dress gracefully flowing with each jump and run.

"Oh, I get it," Patrick chuckles, glancing back at Art. "She's hot. You should talk to her, maybe offer her a lesson. She could use it," Patrick suggests, looking back at you as you let another tennis ball from the machine fly past you . "I think I've seen her somewhere before," Patrick mutters, tapping his racket against his leg.

Still in a daze, Art jogged over to your court. "Oh, you're serious," Patrick murmured watching as he went over to you following closely behind him. "Hi," Art greets, slightly out of breath walking up to the net. "Hi?" you respond, slightly confused, giving him a small wave.

"Are you new here?"

"To the school or the court?" You ask

"Both."

"I'm new to both” you say a little breathless wiping sweat from your forehead.

“I just transferred," you explain.

"Where did you go before?"

"A small community college in Virginia."

"What about tennis?"

"You have a lot of questions," you laugh, tapping your tennis racket against your leg.

"Im just curious “Art jokes.

"I'm just doing this because my fiancé is a tennis player. I thought I'd try to learn," you reveal.

“Finance?” Art questions.

“Yep”

“ how old are you like 20?”

“ actually 19, I turn twenty in a couple months”

“And you're getting married?” Art asked clearly dumbfounded

“Yes” you laugh at his forwardness

", is he a pro or college?", Art asked, assuming the answer would be college.

“Pro," you replied, letting your curls fall freely from your hair tie. Art couldn't help but admire how beautiful you were,too young to be tied down

"Anyone we would know?" Art asks following you as you walk over to the bench with your tennis bag. "Hmm, maybe," you hum, sitting down to tie your shoe. "Mike Fitts."

"Your fiancé is Mike Fitts!" Patrick exclaims a little too loudly. "Mhmm," you confirm, starting to tie your other shoe. "If Mike Fitts is your fiancé, why are you here?"

"Are you referring to the court or the school?" you ask, looking up at both Art and Patrick.

"Both," Art and Patrick respond in unison.

You chuckled as you stuffed your tennis racket into your bag. "Well, whether I'm engaged or not, I always planned to graduate college. And Mike is too busy right now to teach me, so I'm trying to teach myself."

The two of them nod in understanding as you stand up. "It was really nice meeting both of you, but I have class," you announce, throwing your tennis bag over your shoulder. "By the way, it would be great if you guys could keep the whole fiancé thing on the down low. I'm trying to keep it as quiet as possible for now."

"Yeah, no problem," one of them replies.

"Of course," the other adds.

"Thanks, I really appreciate it," you say giving them a small smile before turning around to leave the court.

just as you're about to walk away, Art calls out after you, "Wait! You said you're trying to learn, right? we could coach you if you want” Patrick gives him a look and Art ignores it waiting for your response.

You pause, considering the offer.

”the both of you?” you asked gesturing between them. Art gives you a nod. at that moment The risk didn't seem too big so you said

. "Sure," with small shrug

"How about tomorrow at 12:30?" you suggest, checking the pink Bvlgari watch Mike got you.

"Perfect," Art responds with a shit eating smile

“Ok see you guys ” you laugh walking out the court

~~~~~~

“Yeah see” Patrick says reading a newspaper. “Olympic coach, Dylan yLn, Daughter engaged to Olympics gold medalist Mike fitts” Patrick reads next to a photo of you and Mike smiling as you showed off your huge

engagement ring. “She wasn’t bull shitting”

“Let me see” Art says grabbing the newspaper. “She didn't have on her engagement ring when we saw her...” Art trails off

“You can't be serious” Patrick laughs

“What?”

“She’s engaged Art, not to anyone either,” Patrick leaned in on the table so only he could hear. “she’s engaged Mike Fitts!”

“I didn't say anything,” Art defends

“ you don't have to” Patrick says stealing a fry off Arts plate plopping it in him mouth.

”I know you,”

~~~~~

After that day, everything seemed to blend together. Art and Patrick dedicated themselves to training you throughout the weekdays for three entire months until you got tired of it and decided on once a week. You told Mike you found a coach but never told him who. Since they were kinda the only people you knew in the entire school, the three of you grew close fast. You started going out to bars and parties together. you had your most memorable college moments with the two of them. And then, your birthday arrived. Patrick had left for some torment and it was just you and Art.

You two were just having so much fun that night. On thing led to another And before you realized it, the two of you were constantly having “fun together”. It didn't matter where - in the dorm, in the shower, or even on the floor. It was bad, but you two couldn't stop

Trying to clear your mind you Let out a sigh. you carefully remove Mike from your side sitting up to taking a sip of you're water on the nightstand. Trying to ignore the ache of your core. This is how you spent every night away from him, needy, uncomfortable. You heard a knock at the door which almost caused you to spill water on yourself. You Quickly put your drink down and run to answer it before the person could knock again careful to be quiet not to wake up Mike.

You swung the door open to find Art standing there, hair slightly damp, with huge smile on his face. "Are you out of your mind?" you whisper, stepping out of the room and shutting the door quietly behind you. You can't help but notice his thin athletic hoodie and gym shorts. Slightly wet clinging to his skin as if he just stepped out of the shower.

"It's past one ,"Art huffed out , his voice filled with urgency and desire as he leaned in for a kiss. his hand gently cradling the side of your face in the process.

When the realization of what was happening washed over you, you pulled away, but still stayed close enough to feel his breath against your skin. "Art," you breathed out, eyes darting down the hall to check if anyone saw. Your hand instinctively found its place on his strong chest, you savored the feeling and the look of your manicured nails there, not knowing when you be able to do it again.

"I like these," Art hummed, playing with the hem of your pajama shorts. He rolled the fabric between his fingers, his big hand gracing you thighs in the process. The little touch sent shivers down your spine. You somehow composed yourself pushing him away gently with your index finger, creating some distance between you two.

He looked at you with sad eyes like a rejected puppy. "Mike’s sleeping inside," you whisper, worried someone could hear. "What does that mean?"

There was a long pause as you carefully choose your next words. Art stared at you intently, trying to decipher your expression. "You slept with him?” Art asks, as if he already knew the answer.

"No, I didn't sleep with him!” You whisper yelled, “He just showered and fell asleep," you explained,

"What's bothering you then?"

"I feel guilty."

"You didn't feel guilty at Stanford."

"Mike wasn't at Stanford."

“You care about Mike's feelings now ?" Art's asks furrows his brow, his voice filled with a mix of confusion and hurt.

" I don’t know… he’s been nicer lately and were supposed to be married in three days”

“You’re actually thinking about going through with it?” Art asked the hurt now evident in his voice.

“There’s nothing I can do now, I signed contracts, this isn’t just about us anymore I’ve told you this”

“What about the private investors?”

"That's just a 'what if,' a perfect 'what if,' but we don't even know if he's seeing someone."

“ If I win tomorrow?”

“Art If you win are lose tomorrow it doesn’t change anything, my Dad expects me at the alter on Sunday regardless, nothings gonna change that”

“But you don’t love him ”

“ I could” your words come out more a question, maybe a hope. “I loved you?”

“You love me” Art corrects

"There's too much at stake now, Art. This is my father's career. We don't come from money, this is all he has."

“You honestly believe this will ruin his career?”

“It could” you reply with a small shrug your voice cracking slightly.

“It won’t” Art response

“You don’t know that”

“ Don’t do this ” Art whispered closing the small space between you. He sounded so tortured, like he was pleading with you.

you hadn't realize it but tears welled in your eyes Threatening to spill any moment. When You blinked an a tear fell down your cheek. Art tenderly brushed it away with his thumb. The stress of the last two weeks had finally caught up to you. “it wasn’t supposed to be this hard” you murmured, your voice barely audible, tears streaming down your face as Art wiped them away.

“Do you love me?” his questions sounded genuine but you knew, he already knew the answer. ”more than i’d too” you joke, using the back of your hand to dry your eyes.

“Then let me make you feel better,” Art whispered leaning down so he was directly above your ear.

“You’re right about what you said earlier, Mike wasn’t there at Stanford”. He paused for a second moving a piece of your hair out the way, “I was,” he hummed brushing his face against yours “just me and you” he whispered leaving a trail of kisses on the outside of your earlobe down your neck. Causing Your breath catch in your throat .“We had fun right?” Art question, his voice deep and breathy causing you to instinctively press your legs together as you leaned back against the door. “Art” you mumble trying to shake the sexual haze that was swirling inside you.

“I missed you” he whispered his free hand slinking up the side of you short griping your thigh, hiking your leg up slightly. “So bad…All day”

“we can't” you manage to breathe out unconvisingly.

“I’ll beg,”

“Art” you warned

“I’ll do anything baby” he mumbles leaving slowly kisses on your neck. “Anything you want me to” he says kissing under your chin. “ I need you” he hums kissing down your neck, ”don’t you need me?” Art asked kissing below your ear. You don't respond giving small nodd biting the inside of your lip. “Can I hear it?” Art asked, the way his voice sounded so desperate, Damn near whiney had you looking for friction. ”I need you so fucking bad” you basically moan pushing your body against his.

“I love you so much you don't understand” Art said smiling against you cheek. sliding his free hand down the front of your shorts. He rubs his fingers through your folds collecting your wetness on his fingers. You throw your head back with a quiet moan, quickly biting your lip to silence yourself. “Fuck your so wet” Art groans before pulling his hand from your shorts, sucking his fingers clean like it was second nature. You clenched around nothing at the sight.

“I missed that taste” he groans returning his hand to your heat. “Can I make you cum right here” Art huffed out peeping down the hall.

"Yea,” you breathed out, nodding your head feverishly. He could have asked you to drive to the moon in that moment, and you would have said yes. Art slowly pushed two fingers inside of you creating a medium pace before bringing his thumb to rub your clit, you moan lifting your hips to meet his fingers. “Fuck I could eat you out right here” Art groaned watching you Practically fuck yourself on his fingers. “Promise me you won't ever let him see you like this” Art goans leaving kisses on your collar done. “this is mine”

”You can bearly hear a word he's saying the feeling of his thumb on your clit and finger damn near touching you cervix was too much to bear. “I’m gonna cum” you moaned out grabbing Arts shoulder hard in an effort to ground yourself. “I can feel it,” Art breathed pressing his forehead against yours. He presses down harder on your clit causing you to buck into his fingers, letting out a loud moan You cum. his movement don't falter, he continues to pump them in and out while still rubbing your clit until he feels like you've finally had enough.

he removes his fingers from your pussy returning them to his mouth. “I’ll never get tired of that” Art laughs leaning in for a kiss, you return it, taste yourself on his lips. He gently places you leg back on the floor and you stumbled slightly grading his shoulder for balance. He instantly goes to your waist holding you steady. “You ok?” Art ask slight consern on his face. You don't respond afraid of what your voice would sound like after an orgasm like that.

You nod with a smile and Art led you to the hotel room directly next to yours, pulling out a key card from his pocket with a grin.

“You didn't,” you exclaimed as he opened the door.

“I did,” he replied, motioning for you to enter.

“How did you even know our room number?” you ask, stepping inside.

“I have my ways,” he answered, closing the door behind you.

“How did you afford this?” you asked, looking around.

“Are you going to keep ask questioning or are you going to take of your clothes” Art laughs , watching as you sit on the bed.

“You first,” you countered, settling back .

“Yes ma’am,” Art chuckled, starting to undress.

~~~~

Morning arrives and you found yourself back in your original room. Mike was in the bathroom getting ready while you fix your dress in the mirror of the bedroom. As you adjust the straps, you notice a hickey you hadn't seen before, one you forgot to cover up after coming back last night. You laid your hair over it and walk towards the bathroom to retrieve your makeup bag, slightly tripping as your sore legs gave out on you. "You good?" Mike asked, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah, I think I'm just sore from tennis practice," you say, reaching past him to get your makeup bag.

"You know no one expects you to play," Mike laughs while drying his hair with a towel. "I'm not doing it for anyone, I want to learn," your words come out more offended than you intended. "I just mean you could spend your time doing something else."

"Like what?" You respond plainly, walking out of the bathroom back to the mirror. "Like calling your dad and asking him what time he'll be here," Mike says from the now open bathroom. "Is your phone not working?" You asked rhetorically, pulling out your concealer . "I don't want to fight today, okay," Mike Replies sternly, looking at you through the reflection of the mirror. "This is a big match," he mumbles while running his toothbrush under the water.

"I thought you said it was going to be 'nothing,'" you chuckle dryly, applying the concealer as his face was turned. "It is, but from what your Dad's been saying, he's been getting good. So I'd like to be on my A-game and not have you trying to start shit."

"Whatever you want honey" you respond, quietly laughing in disbelief. He had resorted right back to his old ways,How could you ever agree to marry someone like him, someone so vastly different from the man you spent the night with.

~~~~

soon as you and Mike were finished getting ready, your father called you to come downstairs to join him for breakfast. You and Mike both stood in line, slightly overdressed, picking out your favorite breakfast items. Mike only getting avocado and toast due to his strict diet. Suddenly, you heard a familiar laughter and turned around to see Art chatting with your father near the entrance. Your heart sank as your father motioned for you both to come over. After dropping off your plates, you and Mike walked towards them, feeling Mike's hand slip around your waist.

"I'd like you to meet someone," your father announced with a smile, putting his arm around Art's shoulder. "This is Art Donaldson," he introduced, "the man I'm competing against today." Mike stated extending his hand for a handshake, and Art reciprocated. Your stomach churned at the sight. "This is Mike, you know him, he's also my daughter's fiancé." Your father says with a smile.

"Stressful, huh?" Art jokes. "Oh, you have no idea," your Dad replies, laughing. "You're both at the same college, right? Stanford?" your Dad asked, nodding towards you. “maybe you could try your luck at training her because I just can't get through," your dad jokes. Art's eyes rake over you, as if looking at you for the first time. "It be my pleasure" Art smiles, looking directly at you. You to discreetly warn him with your eyes but You notice Mike's grip on your waist tighten, clearly not pleased. "Actually, I've been training y/n already, she's improving every day," Mike says, planting a quick kiss on your head.

"Really?" Art inquires, trying to keep up the act to the best of his abilities. "Monday through Friday," Mike replies with a smug grin. “How do you manage with your Busy schedule?” Art asks tilting his head to the side slightly in the process.

“You find time for the people you love,” Mike says with a fake smile. You had to physically hold back your laugh. But you played it off as wiping your face. He had taken a line straight from media training. Silence filled the air as the two have a silent conversation with their eyes.

“Well I wanted to introduce all of you, as I will officially be coaching Art starting next fall,"

Your Dad says in an attempt to break the tension. But it only makes it worse, Somehow Mike's grip on you tightened even more, now you were concerned he’d leave a bruise . "When did you make this decision?" Mike asked, his face showing no emotion but you could tell he was angry. "two weeks ago, and I've been waiting for the right moment to properly introduce you two. I know the timing is awkward with the match, but it's better to do it now than later."

Mike doesn’t say anything giving an expressionless nod. There was another awkward pause before you decided to speak up. "It was nice meeting you…Art?" you trail off , purposely sounding unsure. He nodded with a knowing smile. "But our food is getting cold," you joked, trying to escape the suffocating tension. "I wouldn't want to keep the couple from their food," Art said, while a smiling again only looking directly at you. You wanted to scream, he was being so obvious and the way Mike was already acting, you knew you wouldn’t hear the end of it. "You two eat, I have to go handle some things, I won’t be long" your father said, gesturing for you and Mike to sit at the table before walking off with Art.

Once the two of you sit back at the table you feel caught. "I don't want you near that guy," Mike says, taking a sip of his coffee. You roll your eyes and stab at your scrambled eggs. “He was basically eye fucking you the whole time, and it doesn’t help that your dress is so tight”

“I think you forget sometimes this isn’t real,” you reply, taking a bite.

"Lower your voice," Mike warns, glancing around to see if anyone heard.

"You didn't care about it being real when you accepted the gifts," he scoffs, "or in Virginia."

"It was once, Mike. And every day, you make me regret it."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. You don't get to control me just because you buy me shit. Anyone can buy me shit."

“I told you i’m not doing this with you today” Mike laughs dryly standing up from the table. "I'll see you later, okay babe?" he says a bit louder, forcing a fake smile as he plants a kiss on your head before walking away. You try your best not to flinch when he touches you. Once he's gone, your phone buzzes, and you glance down to see an unsaved number. It's a text from Art.

“meet me at the restaurant next door in 20, alone.”

Author note : GUYS FEEL FREE TO COMMENT I LOVE READING COMMENTS

#black reader #art donaldson #art donaldson smut #challengers #challengers fanfic #art donaldson x reader #Art Donaldson x black reader #Art Donaldson x black female #art donaldson x female reader

[pitchsidestories]

like daylight II Mariona Caldentey x Reader

masterlist I word count: 2545

a/n: Hi, the oneshot is based on this idea here, enjoy. <3

“We need to talk about Mariona.”, Alexia begun as she sat down with her older Barcelona teammates to eat their breakfast in the hotel in which they stayed for an away game. The morning sun enlightened the whole room as they started the conversation, everything the day light touched appeared golden.

“And y/n.”, Marta added who immediately knew what the fellow captain was hinting at.

“So, we all saw that, right?” Irene asked the players around her.

“Right.”, Sandra confirmed what everyone has noticed for the past weeks. Everyone could see that Mariona and you had feelings for each other but were too shy to make the first step.  This was understandable as both of you had been hurt by your ex-lovers in the past.

“We have to help them out a bit.”, Alexia concluded.

“But how?”, Irene wanted to know from her teammates.

“I think I have an idea.”, the dark-haired defender claimed.  

“What are you thinking of?”, their captain responded in a curious tone.

“They both love music. Maybe that’s something.”, Marta thought out loud.

“We could do a karaoke night, let Mario play the piano while she could be singing.”, the goalkeeper suggested winking.

“I like that.”, Alexia nodded thoughtfully.

“That’s disgustingly romantic.”, Caroline shrugged, while she hugged Marta from behind.

“One day you’ll see that it’s actually cute.”, her girlfriend said sounding warm as she kissed the cheek of the taller woman who immediately blushed.

“Maybe if it’s working.”, the Norwegian admitted slowly.

“It will.”, the Blonde stated, leaving no room for doubts.

“Someone’s very convinced.”, Caroline laughed.

“Yes, just you wait.”, Alexia replied confidently.

“I’ll watch from the sidelines.”, the winger told the midfielder, she was by nature not a person who searched the spotlight.

“So, you’re not singing for us? How sad.”, Sandra teased the Scandinavian smiling.

“Never.”, Caroline shook her head in a decisively manner.

“Who’s not singing?”, you just passed your teammates, but when you caught the part about the singing you abruptly stopped to join the conversation.

“Caro doesn’t want to.”, Marta explained humming.  

“We’ll do karaoke tonight.”, Alexia informed you.

“Really, that sounds fun.”, you answered cheerfully.

“Yes, right?”, the defender beamed at you.

“Yeah, I can’t wait for that. Mario, will you play?”, you questioned the midfielder who has been walking with you to the breakfast room.

“Sure, I can play.”, Mariona answered grinning.

“Great.”

“Any idea what you want to sing?”, the Mallorquin glanced at you interested.

“Hm, I’ve to think about it. What about you? Any songs you love to play on the piano?”, you redirected the question.

“Let me think about it.”, Mariona mumbled, already deep into her own thoughts.

“But for now we’ve training girls this isn’t High School Musical!”, Alexia reminded you earnestly but with an amused smile on her lips.

Marionas eyes twinkled as she looked at her teammate: “Don’t tell me you watched High School Musical!“

“Oh my god, Ale totally did!“, you shouted excitedly while the captain rolled her eyes with a small smile.

“Training.“, she reminded you.

“Don’t distract, capi! Kei, Ale watched High School Musical!“ You turned towards the English midfielder, knowing that she was an avid fan of the movies.

Keira almost dropped her coffee cup as she stared at Alexia in amazement: “No way!“

Alexia glared at her: “Don’t you dare tell anyone about it!“

Keira remained unimpressed by the threat, grinning at the older midfielder: “We have to watch the movies together!“

“Yes, for a team movie night!“, you suggested.

Keira nodded: “Yes!“

“Please no.“, Alexia sighed.

“Oh come on!“, Keira begged.

You innocently blinked at your captain with big eyes: “Please say yes!“

“Stop doing your puppy eyes!“, Alexia scolded you.

You continued, making your eyes even wider.

“Damn it, they always work. Fine, we’ll do it one day.“, Alexia finally gave in.

“Yeah!“, Keira high fived you happily.

“Oh yes!“, you cheered with her.

Alexia shook her head and got up from the table. With a wink, she referenced the movies again: “Can we get our heads in the game now?“

“Sure, Capi!“, you laughed, following her out of the breakfast room to get ready for training.

“Thanks.“

After a successful training session, Mariona stopped you on the pitch. “Y/n?“

“Yes?“ You took a sip of your water, trying to slow down your breathing.

“Have you picked a song yet?“

You were prepared for the question, having spend the entire training thinking about it: “I did.“

“Which one?“

“Something from the Beatles? I heard they’re easy to play on the piano.“, you proposed.

Marionas face lit up, apparently satisfied with your suggestion. “I like that. I can play a few of their songs.“

“What about All you need is love?“, you thought out loud.

“That’s my favourite one!“, Mariona replied, smiling even bigger.

It was almost infectious how happy she was, her smile was starting to appear on your face too.

“Mine too. Plus, everyone can join in on the chorus.“

“That’s a great idea!“, the midfielder agreed.

“Right? Maybe we could try it out before the karaoke starts.“

You thought that practicing the song at least once could not hurt. It also gave you a chance to spend time alone with Mariona.

“Sure. Let’s see if I still got it.“, she laughed.

Freshly showered and changed, you met in front of the piano that stood in the hotel lobby. Mariona sat down on the stool and cracked her knuckles.

“Okay, ready?“, you asked, sliding onto the space next to her.

“Ready.“, she nodded, beaming as usual.

“There's nothing you can do that can't be done (love). Nothing you can sing that can't be sung (love).Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play the game (love).It's easy.”, you sung smiling her positive energy was  infectious.  

And indeed, the room was filled with love, but you told yourself it was just the love teammates had for each other and nothing more, because that couldn’t be real, right? Happy endings happened to other people not to you.

“Not bad. I think you’re ready for tonight.”, Mariona clapped into her hands enthusiastically when the song was over.

“You are too. No, really, you’re actually very good on the piano.”, you replied excitedly.

“Thank you.”, she muttered, playing nervously with a string of her hair.

“It’s true.”, you said vigorously while saying that your hands accidentally touched, sending an electric thrill through your veins, you both blushed and pulled them away from each other.

“Uhm.. I should go. I’ll see you tonight for the actual karaoke?”, the midfielder quickly got up from the chair, trying to put as much space between you two as possible.

“Yes, I’ll be there.”, you reassured her, trying not to feel hurt by her reaction to leave as fast as possible.

“Of course, you’ve to sing.”, Mariona reminded you laughing warm-heartedly.

“But not without you playing maestro on and off the pitch.”, you complimented her, making the fellow football player blush even harder.

“Oh, please.”, she waved it off.

“What?”, you innocently asked her.

“Stop flattering me.”, Mariona begged smiling.

“You don’t like that`”, you rose teasingly an eyebrow at her.

“No.”, the midfielder responded.

“Okay, noted.”, you nodded.

“Thanks.”, she sighed happily.

The evening came by, and you had to admit you were a bit nervous, although your nerves calmed down when you spotted your teammates:” Hi, girls.”

“Hi. Ready for your performance?”, Irene looked at you interested.

 “I am, where’s Mario?”, you questioned, automatically looking for the Mallorquin who usually enlightened every room she stepped into with her presence.

“She’s coming.”, Alexia pointed into the direction Mariona appeared.

“What are you two going to play and sing?”, Sandra asked curiously.

“All you need is love.”, you answered cheerfully.

The older players looked knowingly at each other, you tried to ignore the glances and everything to which they could allude to.

“Good choice.”, Marta commented in an appreciating tone.

“With that song everyone can sing the chorus.”, you explained your decision.

“Yes, we hope you’ll join us.”, Mariona added equally thrilled.

“I won’t.”, Caroline announced smirking.

“Caro.”, her girlfriend clicked her tongue reprovingly.

“There's no way I’m going to sing.”, she stated.

At the same time Mariona sat down in front of the piano: “Time to get the karaoke started.“

Alexia turned to the teammates sitting next to her: “You got to shut up now!“

“And let the magic of music and love work.“, Marta added with a solemn expression on her face.

Caroline shot her girlfriend an annoyed look: “Marta, that only ever happens in cheesy RomComs or Musicals.“

“At this point even I have to agree with Caro, this is going too far.“, Alexia said.

“Shhh, be quiet. All of you.“, Irene told them.

Marta smiled towards the centre of the room where you stood next to Mariona: “Yes, this is going to be good.“

Your teammates only went silent when Mariona started to play the first notes. As you started to sing, your gaze subconsciously tried to find its way back to Mariona. She was so focused on playing that she did not even notice.

When you finally reached the chorus, your teammates joined in, singing and clapping along. Between them, Irene whispered: “Look at them. Do you think they even remember that we’re all here?“

“No, I think they definitely forgot about us.“, Sandra chuckled.

The song ended, Mariona played the last notes before looking up at you. You both smiled at each other softly.

“Great, now who wants to sing after such a perfect performance?“, Lucy complained loudly from the side of the room.

Mariona stood up, gesturing towards the makeshift stage: “Your turn, Luce.“

“Me?“, she grinned, trying to hide her surprise.

“Yes, the stage is yours. You can bring Ona with you.“, you smiled politely.

Onas head perked up: “What?“

Lucy shrugged nonchalantly, grabbing the younger the defender by the hand and pulling her along: “Let’s go, Ona. We’ll be singing?“

“But they were so good and we can’t sing!“, she protested while reluctantly following Lucy.

“Who cares? We’re football players, not musicians.“

“Right, which song do we pick?“

While the two discussed which song they should sing, Caroline looked around the room: “Uhm, guys. Where die Mario and y/n go?“

“They’re outside.“, Alexia replied, her voice almost bored like this was the only possible outcome of the evening.

“I think it’s working.“, Marta clapped her hands.

Right after the performance, Mariona had taken you outside. You could hear the muffled voices of Lucy and Ona starting to sing.

“You were fantastic.“, you smiled at your pianist.

Mariona shook her head like she did not what you were talking about: “Me? You have such a great voice.“

“Thanks. Seems like we’re a good duo on and off the pitch.“

“Yes, I think we are.“, she laughed.

“I’ll miss you when you leave for England.”, you blurted out, immediately the light-hearted atmosphere cooled down.

“Who says I’m going to?”, the midfielder replied in a serious tone.

“The people online.”, you told her.

“I haven’t made a decision yet.”, Mariona remarked, her signature smile has vanished from her face.

You nodded to emphasize you understood the situation she was in even though you wished the player would stay in your team.

“But you and this team make it very hard.”, she declared. Hearing her say that made your heart skip a beat.

“Yes, the team is really special. Wait, me too?”

“Of course, you are too.”, Mariona answered sincerely.  

“Why am I making it hard for you to go.. it’s not like we’re.”, you rambled nervously.

“Because I like you. Like a lot.”, the midfielder whispered.

“I like you too.”, you responded truthfully.

“You do?”, she glanced at you pleasantly surprised.

“Yes, for a while actually, but I was scared you might didn’t feel that way.”, you confessed quietly.

“You should have said something.”, Mariona replied, there was an undertone in her voice full of sadness.

 “You’re right, but I guess now it’s too late.”, you bit your lip regretfully.

“Why would it be too late?”, the fellow football player asked while stepping closer to you.

“If you’re leaving you probably don’t want a long-distance relationship.”, you explained your thought process, as you stared down to your feet, but your teammate lifted your chin, so you had to look into her brown eyes.

“First of all, I’m not gone yet. And second, if I can be with you, I’ll find a way to make it work.”, she listed calmly.

“That’s so sweet of you, but my ex-lovers said that I’m complicated and you’re just pure sunshine.”, you objected unhappily.

“I’m not pure sunshine, trust me.”, Mariona reassured you, gently stroking your cheek.

“So, you think we should give it a try?”, you sounded hopeful. In the background, you could hear Alexia, Irene, Marta and Sandra singing With a Little Help from My friends. They were terrible at it, but they made up for it with her enthusiasm.

“I believe we should.”, she agreed.

“It’s better to try than to forever wonder about the what if.”, with that said you gave her a heartfelt kiss which the midfielder happily replied. Soft kisses were exchanged that evening, in the night soft touches were added. In this moment you turned from teammates to lovers, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

You were awoken by the sunlight falling softly through the curtain. You slightly moved your head from Marionas chest and found that her arm was wrapped around your waist. You smiled to yourself as you watched Mariona take deep breaths in her sleep.

This moment felt like a dream to you. But with a glance at the alarm clock, you quickly realized that it was reality and you were about to oversleep.

Carefully, you poked into Marionas biceps, trying to wake her up.

“Μario, it’s morning.”, you whispered.

She yawned, her face lit up by the morning light: “And?”

“Time to return to Barcelona.”, you smiled.

“Five more minutes.”, she groaned and pulled you closer to her.

“Okay but only because it’s you and it feels so cozy.”, you gave in, immediately snuggeling back into her.

She looked beautiful. The way her hair shimmered golden almost took your breath away.

With her eyes closed, she mumbled: “I could stay here forever.”

“Me too.”

A knock on the door interrupted your blissful morning.

“Mario, y/n, get up or you won’t get any breakfast!”, Alexias voice sounded through the door.

You rolled your eyes: “Ugh, why is Ale like this?”

Louder you answered her: “Give us five more minutes, Alexia!”

Mariona smirked slightly: “If we go into the shower together, it saves us some time.”

“I like the way you think.”, you laughed, touching the tip of the midfielders nose before she got up and pulled you into the bathroom with her.

The two of you spend more time making out in the shower than you would have if you showered individually but you valued this morning way too much to rush things.

You never knew that love could feel so light and warm, just like daylight in the morning. Whatever would be coming in the future, you were ready to tackle it as long as Mariona would be part of it.

pictures are from pinterest.

#mariona caldentey #mariona caldentey x reader #woso x reader #woso fanfics #woso imagine #woso #woso one shot #woso community #woso oneshot #barca femeni #spain wnt #barcelona femeni #alexia putellas #irene paredes #sandra panos #marta torrejon #caroline graham hansen #lucy bronze #ona batlle #woso request

[ramblingoak]

A Few Scratches

Mushy May in Lucifer's Hollow: Day 18: Holding Hands

Copia x Aether

This fic is set in an alternate universe in a town called Lucifer's Hollow. It's sort of like a Satanic version of a Hallmark town. For Mushy May I'll be using the prompts to post little snippets of life for the humans and ghouls that live there 💙 Thank you to @forlorn-crows for putting Mushy May together!

~ ~ In Lucifer's Hollow Copia teaches history at the high school and Aether is a firefighter. ~

Warnings: some whump here, mentions of injuries from a car accident, but it's mixed in with some mushiness, sfw, 960 words (thank you to @ghuleh-recs for the dividers!)

The steady beep of the monitor was the most reassuring sound Aether had ever heard.

So was the feeling of Copia’s hand in his, the skin soft and warm.  He hadn’t been able to let go since the doctors had let him in the room.  Aether hoped Copia could feel it, he hoped that despite how scared he was still his presence was soothing in some way.  He knew Copia was going to be fine despite the stitches on his forehead and the cast on his leg.  The doctors had reassured him multiple times they were only keeping him overnight as a precaution but Aether still hadn’t been able to shake the fear that was making his chest feel tight.

It was different when it was someone you cared about, someone you loved.  Aether cared for everyone in their town whether he knew them or not but Copia was different.  Copia had quickly become everything to him and when he’d gotten the phone call from the hospital that afternoon it had felt like his entire world was crashing down around him.  Without Secondo there he might not have made it to the hospital.

He dropped his head down onto the bed, taking deep breaths to try and relax.  Copia shouldn’t be here.  He should be at home singing to ABBA in their kitchen or in his office lamenting the essay writing skills of his students.  Aether was never going to forgive himself for not driving him to work that day.  His other hand clenched in the bed sheets and if it wasn’t for the calming hand on his shoulder he probably would have started tearing them up.

“This isn’t your fault.”  Aether shook his head against the bed before sucking a breath in through his teeth and straightening up.  Through the tears in his eyes he saw Secondo standing there, a cup of coffee in his hand.  “Stop blaming yourself.”

“The only reason he was driving was because I locked my damn keys in my car.”

“Something we’ve all done before and something Copia has done many, many times.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that the one day I don’t take him to work this happens.”

“If you’re going to blame anyone you should blame that turista idiota.  Accidents happen.”  Aether didn’t respond so Secondo dropped a hand onto his shoulder and gave it a squeeze.  “Especially to my fratellino, as you know.”

He couldn’t help but laugh, thinking back to the first few times he had met Copia.  Both due to the man getting distracted and setting his kitchen on fire.  Satanas, he loved this man so much.  A sob escaped him and he leaned forward again, this time laying his head on Copia’s chest.  Beside him Secondo was a silent sentry, one hand still resting reassuringly on his shoulder as he cried.  Aether stayed that way until he began to feel fingers carding through his hair.

“Aether?”  Copia’s voice was quiet but strong.  When Aether lifted his head Copia’s hand fell from his hair and cupped his cheek instead.  “Stai bene, tesoro?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine.”  He sniffled and scrubbed a hand over his face, grabbing Copia’s hand in his when he was done.  “How are you doing?”

“Like someone ran a stop sign and destroyed my car.”  Copia tried to sit up but immediately stopped, groaning as the movement jostled his leg.  “And me.”

“Non essere un bambino, fratello.”  Secondo smirked down at his little brother and took a sip of his coffee.  “It’s just a few scratches.”

“Come closer and I’ll give you just a few scratches.” 

“Cumulus has your car at her shop already.  I’m sure it’ll be good as new soon.”  Aether squeezed Copia’s hands, bringing one up so he could place a kiss on the back of it.  “You on the other hand need lots of rest.”

A soft snore was his only answer so Aether let go of one of his hands, gently lowering it onto the bed.  He adjusted Copia’s blankets, smoothing out the wrinkles as best he could.

“If he wakes up again, tell him I will check on his rats.”  Aether looked up at Secondo and nodded, feeling incredibly thankful to have this man as not just his boss but his friend.  The man gave him a stern look but Aether didn’t need to focus on his quintessence to feel the emotion behind it.  “Follow his lead and get some rest.”

He nodded, watching Secondo leave the room and close the door quietly behind him.  Copia was snoring softly, the pain meds thankfully doing their job.  Aether fidgeted in his seat briefly before deciding he didn’t care if anyone got mad at him for what he was about to do.  He let go of Copia’s hand long enough to untie his boots and then climbed onto the bed next to him, taking care to avoid jostling his leg and where Aether knew the bruises were.

When he was settled he took Copia’s hand again, smiling when he felt him squeeze it briefly.  His tail moved on its own accord, wrapping around Copia’s leg and making the man snort in his sleep.  Aether shushed him when his eyes blinked open and he mumbled something in Italian.

“Go back to sleep, love.”

“Mmm, don’t leave.”

“I won’t, I promise.”  Aether kissed Copia’s cheek and then rested his head next to his on the pillow.  “I’ll take care of you forever.”

“Forever, eh?”  Copia yawned then, wincing when it bothered a small bruise on his cheek.  “I like the sound of that.”

He was snoring again shortly after, his head turned slightly towards Aether’s.  The ghoul couldn’t help but kiss the tip of the nose he loved so much before settling down again.

“Me too.”

If you'd like to be added/removed from the tag list (or if I accidentally left your name off) of this fic or any of my others please leave a comment or send me a dm! Thank you 💙

My Masterlist ~ My Archive of our Own ~ My Ko-Fi Tip Jar

More snippets from this verse are on my masterlist under "Ongoing Series"!

Other Mushy May days: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17

#copia x aether #the band ghost fanfiction #ghost band fanfic #tales from lucifer's hollow #mushy may 2024 #oakie's writing #nameless ghouls #copia fanfiction

[spookypete-94]

Dark Horse- A Mother

Part 2

Reader is a single mother, working double shifts at a restaurant. Father of the child starts to become a problem while reader is at work and Price offers a solution. Slight age gap between reader around 25 and Price around 35.

How ironic it was to be back at home emptying out the lunchbox that had started it all. Feeling petty that you were angry like it had forgotten its own self on the counter. Taking out the sandwich you had made the night prior and throwing it away. Turkey, cheese, and miracle whip. Abel's favorite. Starting all over, your mind trying to find work as a distraction from the entire day’s events. Lunchbox packed and, in the fridge, note on the door so not to forget it in the start of the chain tomorrow. Work finished.

And then the fleeting thought made its way back to you. Engaged. You were engaged. Something you thought would never happen because you have never had time to consider it, let alone dating.

John had passed you his phone number scribbled on a piece of paper. How very old school of him, you thought to yourself accepting it before placing it in your apron pocket mixed in with your tips. It was now back in your fingertips, passing it around to look at it closer. The man had handwriting of a serial killer... Could you be marrying a serial killer?

Shaking your head, riding yourself of such a thought. No, John was not a serial killer.... least not the kind that stalked its prey and killed the next victim- you told yourself, typing what you thought was the phone number into your phone Never really knowing much about him, you could tell he was at least military, but what exactly?

John? the text you sent to the number hoping you had read it right.

Yes? was the single worded answer. Sighing with relief, you were glad it was him, not ready to keep taking the chance of a random stranger.

I could barely read your writing.

Been told it's bad before. And then a time or two after that. He responded back and you can hear the slight chuckle in his voice.

Get the boy in bed? He messaged right after.

Yes, he's sleeping now. Just got his lunch packed.

Good, you should be in bed too. Oh my god, you thought to yourself now worried he was thinking of you in bed. Glancing at the time, after your nightly routine was done you saw the clock on the wall read almost 11:30. He was probably just being practical.

Heading there now, thank you.

For what?

Everything.

Get some sleep, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon.

Yeah, like you were going to sleep after everything that had happened today. Giving it an attempt, you crawl under the covers after starting the washer to try to get a jump start of the home work load. Closing your eyes, making the room dark, you pretended if anything to get sleep.

***************************

"Abel!" You shouted, pulling the clothes out of the dryer you had moved during your insomnia caused by your worry battle. "Time to get a move on." Grabbing a warm towel, you hung it on the hook outside of the shower.

"We're going to be late." You said still trying to usher him. Watching his little hand slip out past the shower curtain, feeling for the warm towel.

"Thanks momma," he said muffled through the towel.

It wasn't shortly after he found you fully clothed with his bookbag and the condemned lunchbox in your hand by the front door. Slipping on his shoes he took the bag, slipping it over his shoulders, standing up shouting he was ready.

Locking the door behind you, he sprinted down to the sidewalk ready for you. Grin beaming almost as bright as the morning sun.

"Will that man come see you again today?" he asked as you walked next to him.

Struggling to find the courage to answer him, you realized he was paying more attention than you had thought. "He is."

"Will he be there when I get there?"

"Probably, and I think we will be seeing more of him overall."

"Why?"

"Well... him and I are going to get married."

"Married!? Like a mom and a dad together?"

"Yes, but he is not your dad. Your dad will always be your dad."

Abel looked down kicking a rock.

"I wish he was better to you, momma." And your heart fractured at the statement. Your hand found his chin, tilting it up so he looks at you.

"I wish he was too," your voice quietly fighting the tears that stung your eyes, "but take it as a lesson Abel. If you ever find love, be sure to treat them better then what you have been shown."

Abel gave a single nod, understanding the weight of your statement. He has always been a kid that is easy to talk to.

Going your separate ways, he gave your middle a squeeze, head buried in your abdomen before saying goodbye. Leaving you alone to finish your walk on your way to work.

***************************

Coffee pots are already brewing, turning on the grill top and fryer for your cook. You were ready to roll.

Morning shift went quick, the restaurant running like a well-oiled machine from your efforts. No phone calls from the school today, further easing your confidence that everything was going to be alright. Abel with his dad like the custody agreement states while you're at work. That feeling of confidence quickly left you though, as Abel's homeroom teacher walked in. Mrs. Karim. Eyes locking with her, you meant her almost at the front door.

"Everything ok?" You asked familiar enough with her to know she wouldn't have been here for nothing.

"Relax," she said with a warm laugh. "Not everything that happens has to be bad." She teased placing a hand on your shoulder making you take a deep breath in. "I came to bring you something," she said handing you a student made project. It was a heart with 2 paper doors that you could open.

"We made these for Mother's Day, and I really wanted you to see what your son wrote."

Each individual line was something Abel had written about you. A scribble that you could decipher with ease, seeing it change and grow as he got older.

I love my mother because:

She makes sure I have food every day.

She makes sure I have a warm towel after every shower.

She walks me to school every morning.

She hugs and tells me she loves me every day.

She tucks me into bed every night.

Instantly the tears are hot on your face and grinning like the Cheshire cat. How much you loved that boy.

"Thank you," you said wiping your tears off with your hand.

"Figured you needed it," she said patting your shoulder again letting on she knew more then what you thought, but not pestering further. "You're a good mom." Making you nod as she left, continuing about her time off.

Turning around, you saw Kate standing leaning against the counter.

"Can we get one day in without you crying?" she teased.

"Fuck off," you chortled. Stepping past her, you saw John sitting at the said counter. He must of snuck in.

"You, ok?" he asked, hands wrapped around a steaming cup of coffee.

"Yeah," you said sliding the heart to him to look at. "Look, his handwriting looks like yours." You teased implying he had the handwriting of an 8-year-old.

Taking it in his hands he opened the doors of the heart, smiling as he read it too. "Maybe you could give me lessons then." Eyes drifting up to yours as your heartbeat faster, rattling your ribs. They look so blue even through his long brown lashes. A simple “ha-ha” left your mouth unable to find anything else back to say to flirt with him.

"Well, hopefully I can give you something else that makes your day," he said sliding a little black box towards you on the counter. You felt almost dirty accepting it, knowing what was on the inside but still did it anyway. Opening it and looking down, before handing it back to John, unsure of where to go from there.

It was a simple pearl on a gold band. "Was my mother's." He said taking it out of the box, hand extended out for yours. Handing him your left hand, you let him slip it on the ring finger. "Figure if this happening, will make it official." Rendered speechless, you searched to find anything to say.

"What was she like?"

"My mother?"

"Yeah."

"A good mother. Lot like you." He said his answer was plain and simple. His thumb stroking over the back of your hand, back and forth over the ring.

It was like you were made of butterflies and birds. The fluttering beneath your skin, in your chest and stomach, rising and lowering. Were you floating right now? Breaking eye contact, you looked down at your feet grounding yourself. Kate is coming up and giving you a light shoulder check.

"Hate to interrupt your love bird’s moment, but the dinner rush is starting."

"Right," you said fingers squeezing John's hand before getting started. Placing an order for his regular, planning to at least feed him for everything he has done, you got to work taking your tables.

As skilled as you were, you had fumbled a few orders. Forgetting things, not filling drinks right away. But the heavy ring on your finger throws off your game. You would stare at it next to the pen and pad as you would take the order. As simple as it was, it was so beautiful. The glimmer catching your eye every now and then as if you were a bird. Something unfamiliar in the familiar. The lack of tips showed for it. Yes, you were floating because you were riding cloud 9.

Streetlights were starting to come on outside, signaling it was now getting close to closing time. Restaurant now empty, John the only "customer" inside. The door jingling open caught your attention as you saw Abel slip in, heading straight for you. Kneeling you hugged him squeezing him tighter than he was you making him laugh.

"What the fuck is that??" Your ex's voice fills your ears covering the laughter. Glancing up you were shocked to see him in your place of work. Generally, he steered clear, letting you at least have home and work to yourself. But after yesterday he apparently wanted to keep whatever his problem was going.

"What are you talking about?" You asked standing up, slipping Abel behind you, and pushing him lightly to the counter. Thankfully Kate was already waiting for him, hands outstretched with fingers waggling to get him away from verbal altercation.

"On your finger." He said pointing before reaching and snatching for your left hand. Pulling it away from him, you cradled it to your chest. The ring pressed as far inwardly as you could get it.

"Hands off her," John said arm in front of you slowly pushing you behind him like you had just done with Abel. Your right hand rested on his waist, letting him know you were still there with him.

"You can't be serious," your ex said over John's shoulder trying to talk to you.

"The way you treat her ends now. You will no longer be speaking to my soon-to-be wife that way. You'll get your time in court." John said taking a step closer, almost chest to chest.

The door jingled again, and you noticed the three that followed John around standing behind your ex. They crowded him, keeping the situation under control, but willing to turn violent if the time came.

"Why don' ya step outside mate, and have a littl' chat with us?" The biggest one wearing all black said, gripping your ex's shoulder and pulling him out the door.

John followed making you call out to him, "John," your voice warned. "He's still the father to my child."

"Not gonna’ hurt him love, just gonna’ lay down some rules," he said pushing the door open with his back, following his other war dogs outside. He rounded the corner out of your sight.

"You have my heart," Abel said pulling his classroom project to him, breaking you out of your thoughts.

"I always got your heart," you said leaning down kissing his head. "Start your homework while I clean and close up," you said roughing up his hair.

"Ugh...." he groaned, but doing as you said opening his bookbag.

After what felt like an eternity, you watched John come back in the other 3 following in behind him and sitting down at the counter.

"Can I feed them at least?" You asked referring to what they had just done.

"You don' feed the strays," he teased looking down the counter at them. "They ain't staying long anyways. Just enough to lock up and me to walk you home."

"You're walking me home?"

" 'Course I am, my ring your wearing wife to be." he bantered back to you making you go red. Using the excuse to have to go back into the kitchen and fill the mop bucket to hide it. Was useless, hearing the others snicker at your embarrassment.

Previous

***************************

Taglist:

@cutiecusp @lhhlver

#cod mw2 #call of duty #call of duty mw2 #captain john price x reader #captain #captain john price #captain price #john price #john price x reader #captain price x reader #task force 141 #mw2 #tf141 #captain john price X female reader #john price x female reader #captain price x you #john price x you #call of duty x reader #cod #cod modern warfare #price cod #price #141 #single mother

[coloursflyaway]

I've been leaving comments on your fic because they're just wonderful & really hoping your inbox isn't flooded with prompts already because I'm longing for more "oh no the feelings are there all along" Edwin:

Nothing really changed between them since his second time in Hell, and Edwin wouldn't have it any other way. Except, now he's not sure how he used to keep his thoughts intact with Charles being around and... being Charles.

I love your character studies! They're so adorable, the way you write them.

Hi and thank you so much for the prompt, I had a ton of fun with it! ♥

The Most Tender Place In My Heart

Pairing: Edwin Payne/Charles Rowland

Rating: T

Word Count: 4.200

Read on AO3

There is something said about the concept of hindsight, only that Edwin isn’t sure if it’s something good, per se. Because now that he knows what he feels for Charles, it’s like his brain is working overtime just to make sure that he is, in fact, in love with Charles, which is slightly ridiculous, since it only takes a single look for Edwin to confirm it again and again and again. It’s the way his heart flutters, his eyes get stuck on one of Charles’ features, his fingertips aching for the warm buzz touching Charles grants him. And yet, in those quiet moments between cases, or sometimes deep at night when they are both busy with their own research, Edwin’s mind wanders through the three decades they have known each other, searching and finding those moments in which Edwin could have known he was in love with Charles, had he ever allowed himself to consider the possibility.

Edwin goes down a trip down memory lane, and Charles needs someone to spell it out to him that he is in love.

There is something said about the concept of hindsight, only that Edwin isn’t sure if it’s something good, per se.

Because now that he knows what he feels for Charles, it’s like his brain is working overtime just to make sure that he is, in fact, in love with Charles, which is slightly ridiculous, since it only takes a single look for Edwin to confirm it again and again and again. It’s the way his heart flutters, his eyes get stuck on one of Charles’ features, his fingertips aching for the warm buzz touching Charles grants him. And yet, in those quiet moments between cases, or sometimes deep at night when they are both busy with their own research, Edwin’s mind wanders through the three decades they have known each other, searching and finding those moments in which Edwin could have known he was in love with Charles, had he ever allowed himself to consider the possibility.

It’s pointless, it’s quite distracting, and most importantly, Charles seems to be catching up on the fact that something is happening to Edwin, because it keeps happening.

Since, apparently, there is a plethora of instances for his treacherous brain to choose from.

It is the year 2002 and they are running through an abandoned school, the ghost of an enraged headmistress on their heels, whose spirit had gotten stuck to the metal ruler she is still brandishing. The ruler is the problem; it’s made of iron and it’s actually quite interesting that it doesn’t seem to hurt her at all, but burnt like hellfire when it had touched Edwin’s arm.

So, they are running to find somewhere to regroup and Charles is laughing. Why, Edwin isn’t quite sure, but there is no time to figure it out, at least not until Charles drags him into a supply closet, closing the door behind them. They’re very close like this, Edwin realises and isn’t sure why that seems to matter so much. It’s not like they haven’t been close before. And yet, his hands burn almost like he is touching iron, only pleasantly this time, as do his cheeks when Charles looks at him.

“Why are you laughing?”, he hisses to distract himself from the sensation; there is something wrong with it, but Edwin isn’t certain what. Hopefully it is no side effect from the iron before. “I fail to see anything funny about this!”

Charles grins at him and although they were just being chased by one of the few things that can cause them physical harm, he looks happy, he looks fond. Of Edwin. And that, at least, makes Edwin feel a bit better.

“It’s nothing”, Charles replies, although that is obviously untrue, because he is still smiling, “’s just that it reminds me of being in school so much. I used to spend quite some time running away from teachers back then. Only that this is better, of course. No detention, no letters to my parents and my best mate with me.”

And he reaches up to grasp Edwin’s upper arm, something he has started doing about ten years ago, and Edwin inexplicably feels like shivering, feels like pressing closer.

“Oi, Edwin!”, Charles calls out to him, looking amused when Edwin’s eyes focus back on him. “Where did you go?”

He must have spaced out, which is embarrassing, but, well. It’s the same school.

“We have been here before”, he replies weakly and Charles shakes his head, still fond of him, even after all these years.

“I know, that’s what I’ve been telling Crystal about”, he tells Edwin, gesturing towards Crystal, who is standing a few metres away, looking at a bulletin board of old, outdated flyers. “Is that what’s been happening to you, getting lost in old memories? Because I know you’re the brains of the operation, but I do notice these things.”

For a second, Edwin wants to deny it, but then again, he never made a habit out of lying to Charles and doesn’t want to start with it now. And in the end, it’s just memories they are talking about, harmless and innocent and in the end, also ones that Charles and he share.

So, he nods, and Charles gives him a smile, which almost feels like a reward.

“That’s cool”, Charles replies, although Edwin isn’t sure if agrees with the statement. “Tell me about it next time, yeah? Only if you want to, of course. But I’d really like to hear it.”

It is the year 1989, they have only known each other for a few weeks, and Charles pulls him into the first hug they ever share. He’s excited, because he has navigated them through the mirror successfully, something that had ended in disaster every other time, and Edwin has hardly even stepped through it when Charles’ arms are around him, dragging him close. He feels solid against Edwin’s chest, a faint buzz spreading across where they are touching, and Edwin doesn’t know how to react, because he hasn’t been touched like this – kindly, like he matters, with the intent to give comfort, not pain – in so long, he has quite forgotten what to do.

“Finally did it”, Charles says next to his ear, and pulls him closer still. He seems quite oblivious to the fact that Edwin is just standing there, and that’s good, because Edwin doesn’t think he could move if he tried to. It feels strange, being in Charles’ arms, makes him tingle, become overly aware of just where Charles’ arms are resting on his back, where his chin is digging into Edwin’s shoulder.

Maybe, he thinks, and it makes him giddy, like this is something forbidden, something sweet, he’ll be able to return the embrace the next time.

He considers it for far too long, especially because in the end, the decision turns out to be quite easy, based on one thing alone: Charles had asked for it.

They are back at the agency, Charles reorganising his backpack, and Edwin looks up at him from his book, and the words just tumble out, before he can stop them. “Do you remember the first time we hugged?”, he asks, and Charles makes a little sound, pulling their emergency bone saw from his backpack before looking over at Edwin.

“Yeah, sure. You were a little stiff back then, but I still remember how happy I was because you were so solid. I think you were the first thing I felt after I died, like, really felt”, he replies, then pauses for a moment so he can turn to face Edwin fully. “Why are you asking?”

If he still physically could, Edwin would be blushing, like this, he just feels flustered, phantom heat spreading down his throat, through his limbs until it touches his fingertips. “Ah”, he starts, rather unintelligently, “you were asking about the memories, the ones that distract me occasionally. You wanted me to tell you about them.”

Charles nods slowly, but his brows are furrowed like he is trying to put together a puzzle he doesn’t have all the pieces for yet. Edwin would very much prefer if he never found the missing ones. “Why that one?”, he eventually asks, and that’s the rest of the pieces, right there.

Of course, he could lie by omission, or just pretend he does not know the answer, but in the end, Charles will figure it out anyway. He is a detective after all. So instead, Edwin takes a deep breath he doesn’t need and rips the band aid off with one single sentence, even if it stings.

“Because I am fairly certain that I harboured some kind of romantic feeling for you even back then, only that I did not know how to recognise it.”

Silence stretches between them, neither pleasant nor unpleasant, and even if Edwin can feel the nervousness seep into the cracks of his mind as it continues, he says nothing; Charles deserves the time he needs to digest this.

So, he waits, and eventually, Charles’ eyes clear and he smiles at Edwin, a small, soft, tender curve of his lips that shouldn’t mean as much as it does.

“Thank you for telling me”, he says, and Edwin knows that he means it by the look in his eyes, the tone of his voice. “And, if you want to, I’d like to hear the next one, too.”

It is the year 2017 and their hands brush together when they are standing in front of a very angry sorcerer, who has been shouting at them for the better part of ten minutes. Usually, it would pose little problem, but the reason they are standing here is that they have been summoned; the circle and the runes around them the only things keeping them here. The sorcerer will get sloppy, Edwin knows that, and he will come too close and Charles will hit him with his cricket bat, use his body to wipe away the runes, but until then, they are stuck here.

And their hands brush together, which they have done a thousand times before, only that now, Charles hooks his little finger around Edwin’s, gives it a little squeeze. It’s made to soothe him, and it does, and if Edwin thinks about it for the rest of the week, he refuses to wonder why.

“Back in the late 2010s”, he tells Charles on a case, Crystal just out of earshot. “You nearly took my hand when we had been summoned by one of those idiotic wizards and I thought about it for days. I am fairly certain I was in love with you back then, too.”

Charles looks over to him from where he is standing, eyes widening for a second, before they go soft once more. “I remember that, I think”, Charles says, and maybe they aren’t remembering the same sorcerer, the same situation, but that hardly matters. “Thank you for telling me.”

And later, much later, Charles takes his hand and intertwines their fingers, and it’s the same rush, the same buzz; Edwin thinks about it for the rest of the week and doesn’t pretend otherwise.

It is the year 1992 and they have just established the agency, found a psychic who would let them rent out the top floor for the cheap price of keeping an eye on his offspring after he had passed on.

“You know, this is pretty brills”, Charles says, laying on the floor and staring up at the ceiling, as if it was the open sky. “I never thought much about being dead, but so far, it’s been fantastic.”

“You think so?”, Edwin asks, sitting down next to his still-new friend. He won’t lie down, not with all the dust, the cobwebs, but he still wants to be closer to Charles if possible. “I wouldn’t hold it against you if you missed your life.”

“Nah, it’s all good”, Charles tells him, a lopsided smile on his plush lips and even if Edwin suspects that the statement won’t be true forever, in every situation, it is now. “Nowhere I’d rather be here, is there? Starting a detective agency with my best mate. Don’t you agree?”

He does, only that he suspects that, unlike for Charles, it’s an answer that won’t change again.

“Do you remember when we first started the agency?”, Edwin asks and Charles laughs, maybe for good reason. “Of course. How could I ever forget that?”

He sits down next to Edwin on the sofa, and his eyes are so kind, so warm that Edwin feels like he might fall in love with him all over again. “I wish I had lain down with you on the floor back then, on our first night here”, he tells Charles, and resists the urge to reach out and put a hand on his thigh, his knee, any part of his body he could reach.

“No, you don’t”, Charles answers, and there is still laughter in his voice, making it even more lovely. “You would have been impossible about it after, with all the dust and the dirt.”

“They can’t get dirty, they’re spectral”, Edwin protests, but Charles just shakes his head.

“It would have felt like it though, wouldn’t it? You would have known it and you would have been insufferable about it”, he says and he is right and knows it too. “Actually, maybe you should have laid down with me, it would have been pretty funny.”

And he laughs and Edwin joins in, and finally does reach out and rests his hand on Charles’ ankle, and revels in how right it feels.

It is the year 2011, they are in Florence to investigate a statue that is rumoured to start moving at night, a sure sign of some kind of haunting, and it’s night, the stars illuminating the sky like little pinpricks.

And Edwin looks over at Charles to say something, only for the words to die right there on his lips, because Charles looks so beautiful in the dim light. Almost ethereal, the deep shadows making his cheekbones sharper, his lashes darker, the quirk of his lips more pronounced.

Appreciating the human form is important, no matter the gender, Edwin tries to rationalise it later, but for weeks, there is something like apprehension whenever he looks over at his best friend.

They are walking through Norwich, trying to find an heirloom, and the sunlight catches the silver necklace Charles is wearing, making Edwin think of stars and the night sky and the brightness of his leash spells, only that this is one he wears happily, proudly.

“One time in Florence, you looked so beautiful it would have taken my breath away, if I had still been breathing”, he tells Charles, and it shouldn’t be so easy to do it. But Charles just looks at him, warmth and affection and understanding painted across his features in bold, impossibly to miss strokes, and Edwin wonders how it could ever be difficult instead.

“We haven’t been in Florence in ages”, Charles says, and Edwin nods.

“I remember it anyway”, he answers although Charles hasn’t even phrased the question yet, and he thinks it will stay at just that, but Charles hums, stuffs his hands into his pockets.

“You know”, he tells Edwin after a few moments, and he doesn’t sound reluctant, just like he is putting a thought into words for the first time, “sometimes, usually when it is rather late, I look over at you and I don’t want to look away again.”

And he smiles at Edwin, like it is nothing, nothing at all.

It is the year 1999 and Charles brings a book back from his walk. He doesn’t go out on his own often, but sometimes when Edwin gets too focussed on his research, he leaves so he can walk the streets aimlessly. Sometimes, he goes to see a concert, occasionally visits a club, and when he gets back to the agency, he tells Edwin all about it without fail.

This time, however, Charles doesn’t say a word, only puts the book down in front of Edwin and waits for him to look up. When Edwin does, there is a strange, faraway look in his eyes that Edwin doesn’t like at all.

“What is the matter?”, he asks, and then, when Charles does not reply, adds, “Did something happen?”

“I realised that I will be dead for a decade next week”, Charles finally answers, but the expression doesn’t change; Edwin wants nothing more than to reach up and wipe it from his face with his thumbs.

“I know”, Edwin says. It is an anniversary he has never brought up but also never forgotten.

“That’s more than half as long as I was alive”, Charles continues and sounds brittle somehow, “Isn’t that strange?”

“Yes”, Edwin agrees.

“So, I thought”, Charles starts and then stops, pushes a hand through his hair and leaves it mussed. “I thought, maybe you could read to me? It made me feel better back then, and I’m not quite sure how I feel now.”

And Edwin looks down at the book in front of him; it’s a detective story. G. K. Chesterton, someone whose work Edwin knows quite well.

“Of course”, he says, and gets up to fulfil his promise, “Anything you need, Charles, anything at all.”

“Do you remember the tenth anniversary of your death?”, Edwin asks, a finger resting on the spine of that particular G. K. Chesterton novel. The Man Who Was Thursday, not a particular favourite of his, but now a novel that holds a special place in his heart.

“Sure”, Charles says from where he is sitting on their armchair, legs dangling over the side of it. “What of it?”

“I should have hugged you, that night when you asked me to read to you”, Edwin says and pulls the book from its shelf.

“I would have liked that”, Charles answers, but there is no judgement in his voice, just fondness. Like it is enough that Edwin knows that now. “You can hug me now, if you want to.”

He puts down the comic he is reading and holds out his arms; makes Edwin laugh until his chest doesn’t feel heavy with sorrow any longer, and feels so right in his arms when Edwin comes over and embraces him, no matter how awkward the angle, the book digging into their sides.

“I think”, Edwin mutters into the space between Charles’s shoulder and neck just before he pulls away once more, “that if I had let myself back then, I would have liked it, too.”

It is the year 2004 and Charles grasps his arm when they are walking down the street, which feels like a luxury after spending two weeks on a case that allowed them hardly any moment of rest.

“Could we stop for a bit?”, Charles asks, and for a second, Edwin doesn’t know why he would want to, but then he hears the guitar playing, hears the girl’s voice ringing through the street. She’s a street musician and it’s close to Christmas so she is wearing a Santa hat as she sings, her fingers slowly turning blue from the cold.

And she’s pretty, but Edwin hardly notices, even if he fears that Charles does.

The tune sounds out of place, because it isn’t even close to December, yet the cafe Crystal drags them into is playing a carol. It isn’t the same on as it was back then, because this is not about fairytales and not about New York, but when Crystal leaves them at their table to get a drink, Edwin turns to Charles anyway.

“In 2004, you wanted to stop and listen to a singer on the street”, he tells him, words jumbled together by how quickly he is talking; he has to get this out before Crystal returns. As much as he likes her now, this is between Charles and he alone. “I was jealous because she was beautiful and you looked at her like you knew it.”

A moment passes, and then Charles laughs softly, reaches out to cover Edwin’s hand with his own where it is resting on the table. “Edwin, mate”, he says, and he sounds tender, loving, warm. “I’m sure she didn’t compare to you.”

It is the year 2006 and if he could still feel, the sun would be hot on his skin, warming up limbs that have forgotten the feeling. Like this, he only imagines it, and finds that the memory of sunshine feels the same as the memory of Charles smiling at him, Charles taking his hand as not to get lost in the dark, as Charles hugging him when he is happy, exhausted, relieved.

Edwin doesn’t try and imagine sunshine after that.

There is a single ray of sunlight coming through the window of their agency, illuminating a spot just right of Charles’ feet, and the memory hits Edwin so hard it would leave him gasping if he still breathed.

“You alright?”, Charles asks from where he is sitting and when he looks at Edwin, it really feels like sunshine, feels like warmth and a gentle breeze on a summer’s day. “Yes”, he answers and it’s true, because he’s finally basking in sunlight once more. “It’s just that I truly love you, Charles.”

“Love you, too”, Charles replies without missing a beat, a smile that feels like summer rain on Edwin’s skin.

He turns back to his book, and Edwin doesn’t expect more, doesn’t need more, but then, just a few seconds later, Charles looks up again. His brows are drawn together, like something is puzzling him, and Edwin, who was still watching, knows that whatever he will say will be important.

“Hey, so this might be a strange question, so if you don’t wanna answer it, that’s fine”, he says, and Edwin would tell him whatever he wanted to know. “But, like. How did you know you were in love with me?”

It’s not the question Edwin expected, it’s not a question he ever expected to answer, but Charles looks like he truly cares about his response, so Edwin swallows down the hint of panic rising in his throat.

“I had someone spell it out for me”, he says and thinks about Monty for a moment, his curiosity, his kind eyes and soft lips. “And as soon as I heard the words, I just knew they were true. Maybe that is why my mind keeps searching for all the times I could have known it before then.”

There is a pause in which Charles just watches him, then he gives Edwin a smile that looks strange on his lips, unfamiliar even after all the years they have known each other. “Thank you”, he says, and there is something in his voice too. “I really mean that. Thank you for trusting me.”

As if Edwin could do anything but.

It is the year 1995 and it’s so late it’s early again, and even though he doesn’t have a physical body, Edwin is still exhausted. They’re on a case and it’s just been dragging and dragging on without an end in sight, and no matter through how many books they go through, there seems to be no solution, no explanation, no way to stop the curse.

He’s all but swearing under his breath when he picks up another volume from the desk, thick and bound in dark linen. It’s the eighth one in a row and the letters are starting to blur in front of his eyes, but he has to make sense of this somehow; they cannot let the young man who hired them suffer any longer.

A grown escapes his lips, and a few moments later, there is a hand on his shoulder, another one gently closing the book in front of him. “I think that’s enough for today”, Charles says softly, and while the letters were hazy, his face is crystal clear.

“But-”, Edwin tries, but Charles just squeezes his shoulder and when he smiles down at Edwin, it feels like a benediction.

“We’ll continue tomorrow”, Charles tells him, and Edwin is powerless to do anything but nod.”For now, lets just go upstairs and watch the stars.”

London is spread out before them and it’s been decades since Edwin has truly missed feeling the wind against his skin, but he does so now as they settle back against the wall, Charles’ head tipped back to watch the night sky.

“I think I loved you even back in 1995”, Edwin tells him.

There is no response for a while, the silence not unpleasant, but unexpected. They have found a rhythm with these small confessions by now; Edwin will share a memory and Charles will give something back. It makes it easier for Edwin and he hopes, thinks, believes that it does the same for Charles.

Eventually, Charles turns his head, and his eyes are dark, unreadable, beautiful.

“I think I love you now”, he says, and for a few moments, Edwin doesn’t hear him.

“I know”, he answers when he does, and Charles smiles at him, fond and sweet, like he has missed Edwin for decades and only found him again.

“I don’t think you do”, he responds, unmoving, and something around them shifts; the stars grow brighter, the sky darker, the small corner of the roof they are sitting in smaller. “But I want you to.”

And he leans in and presses the softest, the sweetest, the most certain kiss to Edwin’s lips. It’s over before Edwin can react, but Charles stays close and watches his reaction, his gaze so intense it feels like a touch in its own right, a caress to Edwin’s skin.

“How…?”, he whispers into the space between them; it doesn’t feel real. How do you love me, he wants to ask, how did you fall in love with me,and how are you certain of it? And most importantly, how do you know it now, after so much time?

Charles seems to hear all of it in just one word, because he moves his hand so he can link their little fingers together, and replies, “I had someone spell it out for me, memory by memory.”

And kisses Edwin again.

#dead boy detectives #dead boy detective agency #dbd #edwin payne #edwin paine #charles rowland #painland #payneland #paynland #chedwin #charles x edwin #edwin x charles #i am genuinely unwell about them

[sideordertheories]

heyy nintendo *blinks my eyes innocently and cutely* wheres the drizzle season trailer? and the side order trailer? where's the side order release date?? there's two private videos on the nintendo splatoon 3 playlist, release them :D

⬆️ losing his mind from the lack of side order content

#side order #splatoon #not a theory #no actually its august 16th where is it #i have been waiting the whole day #i have been DISTRACTED from my school work. #this is nintendo's fault #definitely not mine for not being able to shut up about side order #watch them not even make a trailer and just post something on twitter #or they post a drizzle season trailer but no side order info #and the update sucks and its like two weapons and five new gear items #and neither of the weapons are splatanas or stringers #and they announce big run but no new bosses or king salmonids

[cjjferk]

What if Jeeves had worked as a page boy at a private boys' school in his youth?

#jeeves and wooster #bertie wooster #reginald jeeves #jooster #haha jeez( #jeeves had this indifferent look on his face #it's like he's embarrassed #or he's not happy about being distracted from his work of a pageboy #although i still don't fully understand what jeeves would do in that position or what his daily routine was🤔 #as far as i could tell he was just an errand boy?? #correct me if i'm wrong #i have one possible idea how they could have met if that's even realistic #because I think bertie had a strict routine #bertie could have been left in this private school for vacations (some short ones in the middle of the semester) #because of his bad behavior (maybe he misbehaved on purpose because he didn't want to go back home to angry aunt agatha) #or his bad studies and jeeves would have continued to work during the vacations because ?he is the staff? #oh my god i just googled eton college uniforms and #they wore cylinders :3 #oh- #they were whipped as punishment- #okay well let's just leave it like that :']

[ewil]

i have watched hours upon hours of japanese train videos maybe i should just go full autist and try to memorize the name of every single model type they got

#favorite type of video im really into right now sre the ones from rush hour in tokyo #people try their absolute best to fit into those carts and somehow like magically succeed #i like when they have those guys who have it as their job to just push people in when the doors close it looks fun #like get in there~~ ^__^ *pushes you until your bones break* tehe dont be late for work/school! ^_^ *your designer bag has been demolished* #actually maybe i will not memorise the trains they have so many.. i should try and see if i can memorize the train lines #<- notice how i am very confident in my ability to memorize but never use it for anything useful. this is my philosophy and teachings #otherwise i also have hour+ long japan train station livestreams on (often old archived vids almost never live) so peaceful i love thetrains #<- as in i have those in the background while i do something else #<- but sometimes i get so caught up and interested i get distracted #also lastly i just wanna say how much i love the whole densha otaku phenomenon and how not unusual it is over there #ewil's reasons for visiting japan leaked: buy stationary go to live houses and ride epic trains

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol #except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade #plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me #god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set #looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u #the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno? #it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control #executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont #wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral #sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive #lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not #forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho #my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly #need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im #dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter #what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by #my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything #interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to #fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i #described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that #idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean #ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said #she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the #parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the #disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage #but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain #just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked #unrelated

[st5lker]

god i wish i was the type of person who could just be creative for myself. but if i dont have people to engage with my ideas and/or multiple people to make things with in collaboration i just dont want to do it at all. and at this point in my life i literally dont know where i could find any more people like that now that ive fallen out with everyone i used to... its hard to tell how much that's what i miss and how much what i miss might just be being a kid with a big imagination. but like i just cant make things for fun anymore and it makes me so fucking sad because in my heart what i enjoy doing more than anything else is drawing and writing and thinking about characters and plotlines just for fun and having people to share my ideas with in a way that they can really engage with them beyond 'oh that looks nice!'

#ive been so depressed lately i dont even want to leave bed #i thought having a break would be nice but it just made me realize that i never actually got happier ive just been too busy to think about- #how unhappy i actually am #for the past 8 or 9 months since i got stripped from basically all creative outlets ive just been distracting myself with one thing after an #and now that i finally have a moment where im not actively working towards something (whether that's my license or school or whatever) #its just me and my thoughts and im left realizing how much i fucking hate not having anyone or anything to be creative for

[matchandelure]

fhjmsdfhjglks feeling kind of frustrated at a lot of things

#sometiems i feel that maybe i set goals that are too ambitious #good grades in classes. internship prep. learning how to be independant and do adult stuff in general #working out regularly eating balanced meals getting enough sleep every night taking care of skin. overlall physical wellbeing #while also trying to make time for hobbies especially art... #ive been sucked into a rather strong loop of comparison.. bc i recentl ylooked through my old art when i went back home #and im so sad at how little ive improved. and i know that everyone learns and imrpoves at different rates #and i have more important things to focus on such as completeing this degree completely unrelated to art #but i dont want to go through the nexxt five years just.not improving at all at something i love so much :(( #but everyday this past almost two terms of school. i never finish the work i need to before i go to sleep #everytime i do finish everything its time to repeat the whole cycle all over again #and whne i do get time to draw im so tired that all i can amnage are some scribbles..which means my technical skills arent improving atall #bc i dont have the energy to study even ifi its something i love #which iguess ispart terrible self discipline which i need to work on but sometimes i just wnat to shut my brain off and doodle mindlessly #bc i dislike my program :((( eww math ewwwww compsci #and i want a distraction from it whenever possible because if i have to calculate the eigenspace corresponding to an eigenvalue of a matrix #one more time i am going to cry #im tired gnight #willows rambling branch

[yrieso]

im either about to kill my dance teacher or kill myself

#told my friend if our teacher says any fucking thing about how MY existing with adhd is distracting to HER then im just #going to walk out of class because i can't handle this anymore #i hate my teacher now and she's made me hate dance class and just hate dancing in general #and it feels really shitty when your biggest passion dies out because of one person #and it's ironic because i got really burnt out of dance and it was worsening my mental health in middle school #because i was being bullied by another student to the point where i got panic attacks just thinking of going to class #now im burnt out of dance and it's worsening my mental health to the point of panic attacks just thinking about going to class #because of my teacher #not to mention how she's (in the last months especially) made me extremely insecure and self conscious about my weight and #my appearance and whatnot to the point where i dont even dance around at home anymore #and im just. fucking sick of living like this!!!! #my recital is next month but even then im going to be working at my studio next year so im not gonna be free of this! #the amount of therapy sessions that have been spent just talking about issues i have from and at dance is insane #anyway. i have to go back for class tomorrow LOL #yriesodottumblrdotcom

[slipper007]

Cannot wait to move back to college

#cw negativity #to delete #im so frustrated #nobody listens and everything is always a personal failing. #here I am with three weeks until I go back and i gotta write two 10 page papers. that's already stressful. #so one parent nags me once a day and the other blows their top whenever they feel like it because theyre not done yet #why aren't they done? I'm working through shit from the traumatic bullshit of the year. this is a horrible work environment. I'm burnt out. #but no. go off about how I'm lazy despite straight As and never having had this issue in all my years of school. #i can't fucking sleep. my house is full of distractions but so is everywhere else. there's nowhere to work. #got kittens & im absolutely terrified theyre gonna die horrifically (thats totally not a trauma response from holding my dead cat for hrs) #I've been explaining I can't work without a desk since i was nine and yet there is still nowhere to work. kitchen has no wifi. bed has bed. #(my lil bro got a desk in 2020 except it's covered in his junk & in the living room where everyone always is so I effectively can't use it) #nobody else does shit w the kittens so they're always high energy. keeping me awake @ night. getting me up early. horseplay w each other. #trying to explain that im constantly overwhelmed by the environment gets me nowhere #trying to stay home when everyone else does things gets me nowhere #now im going to see my aunt & grandmother for a week because my gma is looking bad & she's gonna go & you're going to make me feel worse #about it??? you know how much I'll fucking hate myself if I don't go and never see her again? over fucking schoolwork??? #but thank you for reminding me that I effectively only have two weeks left. very helpful. just what I needed. #and thanks dear parents for never listening when I need you to be understanding. surely if you've finished grieving we all have. #how fucking dare they say im using death as an excuse to shirk my schoolwork. as if im not constantly worrying about it. #as if I don't constantly feel like shit about it. i want my school work done too. i just. can't focus. can't sleep. can't do anything. #and they're completely unwilling to do anything to help me with that. #like fuck i always knew i wasn't good enough for them to actually care but really this is a new low i think. #ugh #i was supposed to plan and research my thesis this summer too. so I guess I'll just be behind this fall too. #best four years of my life huh? #college is a fucking joke with shit like this going on #but at least it's not here.

[solarisposting]

yes long covid stole most of my hobbies for the timebeing but now i'm regularly going to the park with my boyfriend to kick a soccer ball around, juggle, etc. or do two-person volleyball sort-of-games and it's some of the most fun i've had in ages. so long covid is a loser and a bitch who forgot to take away sports from someone who hasn't played em in any fashion since college. lmao moron i'm getting stronger and getting some stamina and my lung capacity's gonna benefit so i can probably run again eventually too. fuckin failure

#hate letters for long covid!! #this has all solidified how much i prefer activities (i guess?) to working out #like lifting weights and doing body weight exercises (planks situps etc.) feels good and is rewarding #but there's not enough structure and i flounder and get distracted and bored #the stuff i've been doing though? yeah just gimme a ball for a sport i enjoy and a friend and i'm good #i played sports all thru grade school so it's not surprising that i still enjoy them. butni didn't think id have THIS much fun!!! #i'm semi regularly spending 45-60 minutes running around (as much as i can w/my breathing issues) #and with vball i've been full on diving and throwing myself to the ground and getting all bruised up from things #and going home sore and hurt in twenty different ways that feel great. yes i fuck up my hip every time. worth it tho #i'm just really happy to be getting joy out of old loves of mine and out of sharing them with J!! #he loves a pickup game so fuckin around with me is a good time for him as well #and i can tell that my enthusiasm for this stuff makes him feel good bc i've been struggling with the covid shit for months #feels like i'm coming back to life in bits and pieces even though i lose a lot of ground often. it's good #ann with an ie

[xiaojuun]

finally feeling up to exercising again 😭🙏🏻

#after being sick multiple times and then my endurance being shot post-covid it was like #not only was i not able to get through like a 20 minute yoga class but i was so disheartened by that i just like haven't felt motivated #but the last couple of days i've been able to do slower paced yoga and pilates and have wanted to #which is a rly good sign ... being active is so important to me and i let it fall to the wayside when i'm not doing well #so it's always a big positive indicator when i'm feeling good enough to bring it back even if i have to work my strength back up slowly #i've been in such a terrible emotional state lately but all i wanted this summer was to do things that helped me feel myself again #outside of being swamped w nursing school and throwing myself into kpop to distract from feeling lonely all the time #i hope i can achieve that more this month even if i do less editing i'd really like to move and cook and connect w friends again :< #what a novel lol sry if u read this all akjdsgnjhfg #erithoughts

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#guess whos back in therapy bby 😎 #the lady i saw was nice. 1st appointments r always a lotta blah blah blah so much to cover #and im always like bleh whatever im not that bad but when u put it all down on paper it is sorta a lot lol #i got the comment. hm u seem to kno a lot abt the dsm. and like listen. i have been meticulously categorizing my problems for the last 4 #years. and i like to learn so ya kno. also said yea it sounds like u r having hypomanic episodes. #and asked if bipolar was a possibility and like if i was bipolar that would absolutely blow my god damn mind. im pretty sure its just pmdd #but whatever. im open to the possibility. mostly i wanna hear someone else perspective on this #i feel like im collaborating on a project. like gimmie ur notes i wanna see if were on the same track. bc im insane like that #i always feel bad when they apologize for asking invasive questions. like neh its fine. i got nothin to hide and i dont give a fuck #also i told a class of my peers that my distraction from research is drawing narut0 fan art. again bc i do not #give a single fuck. Professors response: hopefully we get to see it some day. bro. if u ask me i will show u. i do not care #i mean. probably nothing too weird but i feel like most of my stuff is safe to share. i just come off looking like a weeb i guess #but yea back in therapy bc my mum reminded me bc the ppl around me irl r also worried for my well-being based on my behavior lol #i mean its just bc i complain that im in like psychological pain a lot. so lots and lots of bitching abt my brain ^^ #the lady i saw did fall a lil bit into my trap. like what woulf ur life look like if u had everything under control? bc it seems like ur #here and ur starting a phd what more do u want? and im like mwahaha but u see i can do school #i can do school so good. i am the best at school and thats it. i am otherwise barely functional #so i can be successful on paper and dysfunctional when it comes to having a life :-] #but whatever. well see what she wants to follow up on next week bc i threw a lot at her #also went to my office for the 1st time. it is really nice to sit in a working lab and watch ppl interact. but also i do feel like im #dying if i try to sit in that room with 2 other ppl lol. so well see how it goes. i may find somewhere else to hide #unrelated