#i feel like crying at how beautiful their love story is—

[peachysunrize]

Devil’s Doll ⥃ Mob boss!Aemond

Summary: no one can do anything when Aemond Targaryen sets his eye on a sweet girl and comes to the party with her on his arms, and those who dare to say an ill word will face his wrath with a bullet in their head.

Warnings: 18+ mdni! Smut, p in v, possessive & obsessive Aemond, mob/mafia au! Murder, creampie, Aemond is a sociopath simp for you, blood & gore, oral (F! Receiving), rough sex, Qoren Martell is an ass here, self defense murder, ztell me if I’ve missed anything. English isn’t my first language so if you’re not okay with that, simply ignore this post. if you don't wanna read dark content, block rue:darkcontent <3

Word count: 3.5k

a/n: babeeees! Hello and welcome back to another unhinged smutty one shot I have written! Hope this satisfies your needs for possessive Aemond🤭 please reblog and comment, it’s most appreciated🩷

A very special thank you to @targaryen-dynasty for beta-ing this piece!🩷🫂

In the world of crimes, Aemond Targaryen’s name is enough to make men shiver in fear. The ruthless nature of him has been the subject of many late-night stories in the past few years in the filthy streets of King’s Landing and beyond.

The one-eyed prince they call him. The infamous second son of Viserys the Coward has built an empire solely around one thing; blood and vengeance. 

After the murder of his fiance at the hands of his uncle, he became an untamed beast, bloodthirsty and hungry for revenge to the point that he became the god in the eyes of many — he wiped the streets off any man from his sister’s clan, ruled on the ashes of their bones and burnt flesh.

He thrived in the newfound power, he cherished it and greedily took more and more until there was nothing left more to take. Aemond Targaryen became the head of his clan with his loyal followers doing anything to please him and keep their heads attached to their necks.

So when he finds a new sweet girl at the local coffee shop he frequents, his emotions begin to cloud his judgment or heighten it in a way.

It starts innocently; a black coffee with dark chocolate on a daily basis, a sweet smile, and ‘Have a nice day, sir!’ Always ready for him. 

Sweet girl, he calls you when you bring him his order and brushes his fingers atop yours when you lean down to put his coffee on the table.

He looks, he observes, and he obsesses over your every move, every step you take, every inhale and exhale. He likes watching you.

The ruthless god of the criminal world has set his eye on his new prey.

You notice him, of course you do, because he wants you to know about him, he wants you to be as interested in him as he is in you. He loves how your lips move when you question his motives; sweet girl he calls you again, telling you how beautiful you look when you work and how he desperately wishes he could take you out on a date. But he can’t, not when his enemies are behind the corner, ready to strike where he is weak.

Yes, you are his weakness, and the one-eye god isn’t used to it, but for you… oh for you he would murder, he would let his bloodlust get the best of him and commit a massacre just to see a glimpse of your smile.

He catches you crying in the corner of the cafe, mouth agape as you stare at the man who was supposed to be your date for today, lying limp and lifeless with a bullet in his head.

Sweet girl, he calls you as he brushes your hair out of your face, you look like a doll, his doll, and oh, in the pit of your stomach you feel a strange warmth because of his heated gaze. He is smiling, he shouldn’t but he is, and you smile back, captivated by his nature, by his cruelty and devotion.

It feels like fresh air when you reach out to caress his dimples, how he has dreamed of your soft skin on his. The touch only makes him hungrier, a desire, a need to make you his, and he does that night. He takes you to your small apartment, giving you a pleasure like no other while you cling to him — sweet girl, my doll, he calls you, vowing in his head to protect you, and when he asks you why you do not feel disgusted by what he has done to that man, you reply:

“I’m sick of heroes. They ruin their loved ones to keep others safe. But a villain, my devil, you, will burn the city without letting a flame touch my skin.”

He is like your shadow from that day; following you around in the dark without you noticing, keeping his business up while he focuses on you. Sweet girl, he thinks, how you smile at those unworthy people, your smile should be his and his only.

The news spreads like fire; Aemond Targaryen has found a new plaything. As soon as those words fall from one of his men, others gasp and shriek, staring at the poor man’s head that has a hole carved with Aemond’s bullet.

Plaything they say, he scoffs at the thought. You are no plaything for him, you are his sun, his moon, the air to his lungs, you are fuel for his soul, and he wishes he could burn under you to show you how much you mean to him, to crumble into pieces and let you stomp over him while he basks in the glow of your face.

You are his doll, The Devil’s doll.

He knows how dangerous his world is, he understands it perfectly, and that’s why he nearly loses himself when he finds the door to your apartment ajar with muddy footprints leading to your bedroom.

He sees red when the scent of iron hits his nose; blood, he thinks. What has happened to you? He has never felt such a strong emotion before, not for his fiance or even his sister. Now, he is shaking with fury, his knuckles white from how hard he’s gripping the gun.

You leap into his arm as soon as you spot him in the doorway, letting the knife fall from your hands while you push yourself to him, clutching his shoulders while you sob.

He sighs in relief, holding you in his arms tighter than he has ever done before. You’re alright, his sweet girl, his doll. He listens to you intently, wiping off the tears that fall from your gorgeous eyes gently, oh you look just like a dream come true; your dress is covered in blood, a man you killed for defense lying on the floor beneath his boot.

He has never been more proud of anyone than he is of you.

He wants to show you off to the world, sick of all the hiding and lies behind the rumors spread by Rhaenyra’s clan. He needs to let everyone know how beautiful his doll is, and what a goddess he has in his arms.

He helps you get ready, keeping his hands all over your body while you try to put some clothes on, giggling and indulging him as he kisses your bare shoulders, groaning at the sight of you in black and red.

“Sweet girl, I have to be the luckiest man alive to have you as mine.” He whispers in your ear, eye narrow as he takes you in again, thinking about how he could be graced by your presence.

“And I the luckiest girl, my love. You make me feel so happy,” you reply, spraying your perfume on your neck and collarbones, and Aemond nearly moans as he takes your scent in.

“Fuck, you have to be a sorceress, I am bewitched by your beauty and smile. What have you done to me, doll? What spell have you put me under?” He attacks your neck with kisses, relishing in the small giggle you gift him.

“I’ve poured a potion in your coffee every day, to make sure your eye only sees me and no other girl.” You joke, turning around in his arms to give him a soft peck on the lips, mindful of your lipstick to leave no trace on his clean-shaven face.

“Don’t give me ideas, doll. I might do it just to keep you all to myself.” He grins, his dimples on display for you to kiss them, chuckling as you try to wipe the red stains off his face.

“Oh, I would love that. Please do, my love,” you match his smile, lopping your arms around his neck, “now, let’s go to this party. The sooner we go, the sooner we can leave and have our fun.”

“Anything for you, sweet girl.” He says, offering you his arm as you both walk towards the door, Aemond helping you down while you hold the long skirt of your dress in your hand, taking cautious steps to the car.

Criston nods at both of you and opens the door, waiting until the two of you are settled inside the car before he gets in himself and starts driving to the location.

Aemond was reluctant to attend this party, after all, it was hosted by one of the clans that were loyal to his sister, but his grandfather convinced him to go with Aegon and Daeron, but he declined and said he’d rather go alone with his doll.

You smile at him, caressing his ring-clattered fingers that are caressing your thigh gently, talking with Cole about what is expected of tonight; murder for sure, but he would rather not get caught up in the whirlwind of hatred he has for his sister and uncle, and most importantly, he needs to keep you safe from all the eyes of those hungry men.

The ride to the mansion is quick, and a sense of dread fills the two of you when your eyes meet. Aemond presses a kiss to your forehead to both calm himself and you before the car comes to a stop and he steps out, coming to your side and holding your hand to help you on your feet.

The moment you step inside the house, you are greeted by various couples, men, women, and people that you have no idea about. You keep your head high, squeezing Aemond’s arm as the two of you hide your discomfort behind a smile while everyone keeps staring at you.

“Targaryen,” someone calls Aemond behind you, “you honored me with coming tonight!” You both turn around, finding Mr. Tyrell and his wife and oldest daughter waiting to greet you.

“The honor is mine, sir,” Aemond shakes his hand, reaching to press a kiss to Mrs. Tyrell’s hand, “thank you for having us tonight. Let me introduce you to my girl,” he puts his large palm on your waist, gently pulling you closer to him as you shake and greet your hosts.

“You certainly have won yourself a prize, Aemond.”

“No prize is as beautiful as she is, I’m afraid.” Your lover says, pinching your waist playfully away from the eyes of the attendees, looking at you with nothing but adoration and unconditional devotion.

“You’re too kind, my love,” you smile, “Lady Tyrell, I would love to get to know you more.” Aemond nods at you gratefully, glad that he has discussed his plans for the party with you.

Aemond watches you being led away by the ladies, letting the smile fall from his lips as he gazes back at Tyrell himself, “I hope you have good reasons for wasting my time here.”

“I do, Mr. Targaryen. I wish to introduce you to Prince Martell from Dorne.” Tyrell says, pointing at a group of men who’re talking intensely. As soon as the two of them approach the group, they grow silent, waiting for Aemond to say something — their silence could be because of two things, either they respect him, or they’re terrified of him.

He hoped it was the latter, for with fear there comes blind respect and loyalty.

“Ah, Targaryen,” Prince Qoren Martell says, reaching to shake Aemond’s hand, “how wonderful to finally meet the One-Eyed God of the underground. Made yourself quite the name, huh?” Qoren smirks, already sensing how his words irritate Aemond.

Aemond shakes his hand back, tightening the hold he has on him, a ghost of a sinister smile forms on his face while he stares at the Dornish man with his indigo eye.

“Can’t say the same about you, Prince Qoren. What have you been doing all this time, not ruining the South, I hope?”

“You’re funny,” Qoren laughs, tapping Aemond on the shoulder, “Ah, I missed someone who’d challenged me over stupid things, kind of feels good to have a kid like you around.”

“Mind your words, Martell. He is no ordinary man, these silly little challenges will be the least of your concerns if he decides you’re not worth his time.” Barros Baratheon, ever the loyal dog of Aemond, speaks up, standing tall and proud next to him.

“Pft, please, I’m sure he knows I’m joking!” Qoren laughs nervously this time, “but… I don’t think your man isn’t doing great nowadays huh?”

“What do you mean?” Aemond asks, slapping Qoren’s hand away, “I wonder what has been said that makes you so full of yourself.”

“I don’t need to say a thing, look, your pretty plaything is coming,” Martell smirks as he eyes you up, watching the sway of your hips as you walk shyly towards Aemond, feeling a bit out of place due to all the looks on you.

“Eyes on me, Martell,” Aemond says through gritted teeth, anger swimming in his good eye as he watches the Dornish man look at you intently.

“Aemond…” he turns around at the sound of your voice, “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

“Sweet girl—“

“Ah, it’s truly a shame that a beautiful girl like you wouldn’t reach anywhere with being a side chick for a Targaryen.” A deadly silence falls on the group, Aemond with his ever-rising temper looks at Qoren who hasn’t realized what he has truly said.

“Elaborate, Martell.” He hisses, reaching to pull you closer to him, covering your body mostly with his.

“You need a lady sooner or later, I doubt a woman from her status would be a good choice of a wife for you. You need someone stronger, with more connections, and a mind as sharp as you, not just a pretty whore to keep your bed warm,” Qoren shrugs, and a few men from his side laugh and agree with him.

Aemond presses his lips into a thin line, his fingers twitching in anger as he gazes at Qoren; he looks murderous, ready to pull his gun out and empty a bullet in that useless head of his — but he’s stopped by the sound of your sniffing.

He looks at you, his features softening immediately when he sees your teary eyes. He feels as if he’s about to die with a dagger in his good eye; the look on your face hurts him, burns his heart, and tears it into pieces. The string you’ve wrapped around him tightens and tightens until he cradles your smaller face in his hand, pressing a sweet kiss to your quivering lips before his eye turn black with madness.

He pushes you behind him, and in a second, the hall is filled with screams and shrieks of horror and bullets flying around, bodies of the men who dared to disrespect Aemond’s doll are falling on the floor next to his shoes one by one.

He feels you bury your head in his blazer, gasping at the sound of yet another bullet firing into someone’s head. Aemond doesn’t blink, not even once. His blood is pumping with the urge to showcase how much he’s willing to do to keep his sweet girl happy and content.

“Let this be a reminder to all of you,” his voice echoes in the hall, “whoever dares to say anything about my girl will face the same fate; death! Aemond Targaryen will go to a fucking war for his future wife!” With that, he holds his gun upwards to the ceiling, firing not one, not two, but nearly six bullets to make sure the hall is empty besides the corpses and the two of you.

“Aemond…”

“Shh,” he shushes you roughly, pressing his lips into a searing kiss to yours, groaning at the sweet taste of your lips. He adores losing himself in you; in your taste, in your scent, in every ounce of attention you give him. He feels blessed to even breathe the same air as you, but kissing you… his heart stops every time his lips meet yours, and now, with adrenaline and anger swirling in his veins, he wants nothing but to show you his devotion — even if it comes out as a rough fucking session while staring at the men he killed for you.

His trimmed nails dig into your sides, groaning at the feeling of you melting beneath his rough touch. Aemond is a man possessed with how he handles you, strong and confident while he finds the closest table and finally breaks the kiss.

He watches how your chest heaves with ragged breaths, lips swollen, and eyes wide and hazy with lust — the perfect picture of a goddess that he has been graced with.

He turns you around, pushing you on the table until you’re bending over, looking directly at the limp bodies on the floor drowning in their own blood. He hums as his fingers caress your spine before he strikes you on your ass, humming at the feeling of the weight of your flesh under his hand. 

He doesn’t have the will to wait anymore. He drops on his knees, pushing your dress up to your hips until he’s face to face with your bare pussy; wet and ready to be devoured. 

“Good girl,” he praises you for listening to him when he asked you earlier to not wear any underwear, “The most gorgeous cunt I’ve ever seen, prettiest girl, my doll.” He’s already drunk on your essence without even tasting it, that’s how much he adores you.

He moans at the same time as you do when he finally dives in, wrapping his thin lips around your buzzing clit as he devours and eats like a starved dog, caging your hips while he takes and takes and takes from you.

There’s not a thought in his head, empty and filled with nothing but an urge to show you how eager he is to please and protect you, your loyal dog he calls himself.

The One-Eyed God crumbles for a simple barista girl, and not a single soul dares to say a word, for if they say, they’ll experience his rage.

Aemond is quick and messy with how his tongue laps up your wetness, creating lewd sounds that have both of your hearts racing. His fingers join his tongue, filling you up slightly and giving you the friction you need, but you know him, the only way you can come is on his cock.

You whine in agony as he leaves you aching for more as soon as he feels you getting closer, but he doesn’t leave you waiting for too long. The sound of his zipper brings back your attention to him, and he chuckles in delight when he sees you wiggling yourself back to get some friction, to end this torture and gives into the temptation.

And he does; he aligns his painfully hard cock with your soaked entrance, pushing himself in with one smooth thrust that knocks the breath out of your lungs.

Long is gone the man he was a few seconds ago; he is on a mission now, fucking you until you tremble and fall from the edge of bliss, knowing it’s him pleasuring you, it’s him who will burn this blasted city for you.

“Oh, sweet girl, I’ll kill thousands of men if it means I get to be inside this sweet pussy—fuck-“ he groans, hands finding home on your hipbones as he quickens his pace, driving his cock in and out. Hard and fast.

The squelching sound that your wetness is making embarrasses you, and you hide your face in your arms while you squeal his name over and over again.

Your Devil has grown like ivy around your heart, covering the last untouched part of your souls that he had left untouched, and you love it, love being consumed by him.

He bends down over your back, hips snapping into yours roughly, filling you up with his length as the thick tip of him kisses your cervix while his teeth sink into your bare shoulder.

“Do you see the lengths I would go to protect you, sweet girl?” He whispers in your ear, licking your tear away with the tip of his tongue, “I will commit unspeakable crimes just to have you by my side.”

You nod at him, looping your arm around his neck to bring him down, and he compiles, bending further on your back to kiss you roughly.

Both of you are close; the knot in your stomach gets unbearable until it snaps and you moan loudly in his mouth, gushing around him as your legs shake.

He follows closely; his cock throbs deep within your core, and with one final rough thrust, he empties his balls inside you, coating your velvety walls with his thick cum, marking you as his once more.

You glance back at the corpses, smiling devilishly at how Qoren Martell’s empty eyes are still on you.

“Sweet girl,” Aemond says, “you’re untouchable now. Targaryen clan is yours to rule.”

#aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond x reader #aemond one eye #modern aemond #prince aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen smut #rue:smut #dark aemond targaryen #dark aemond x reader #dark aemond smut #rue:darkcontent

[ilovescaredysquirrel2]

The Amazing Digital Circus Episode 2 thoughts

I was actually expecting different, but it was still amazing. The story was beautiful, and I feel bad for Gumigoo. I also love how they held a funeral for Kaufmo, they must have really cared about him. Ragatha crying was sending me and my friend in tears! I love Ragatha so much, she's my favorite. I think I also love Pomni even more in episode 2 than episode 1. I don't think I like Jax as much in episode 2 as episode 1, but I absolutely love Gumigoo as a character! Even though he was kind of a tough guy, he had a soft side and character development that allowed us to feel sympathy for him, and when Pomni comforted him and offered to help, YES! We love Pomni even more now! Also, can we talk about Princess Loolilalu for a second? How adorable was she? I love her voice!!!! I love her design too!!! She's an icon!

I liked the moments with Gangle driving the truck and Jax being a d*ckhead but I don't like Jax as much as I did in the first one. Also, what's the figurine story that Gangle didn't want Jax to tell Ragatha about? I just gotta know!!! I also love how at the end, Caine said he knew how much they loved the NPCs but explained why they couldn't stay at the circus, but poor Pomni! she didn't know! Another thing, I think it was more emotional than the first one but I loved it.

The biggest thing I noticed was THE GREEDY REFERENCE! As a huge fan of Raggedy Ann & Andy Musical Adventure (it's my second favorite movie of all time, it's so special to me) and I loved the greedy reference! The voice actor also sounded JUST LIKE HIM! Everyone who voiced in this did an amazing job. 10/10

What did you think? I was expecting it to be a little longer than the first episode, and I was expecting a recap of episode 1 before they did the theme song, but they didn't do the theme song. It also had a sad ending with the funeral and cut to the outro music being kinda happy. I'm fine with it, though. What are your thoughts? I LOVED it! It was more emotional which is fine!

#my thoughts #tadc #the amazing digital circus #tadc episode 2

[manawari]

Doom Breaker is a top-tier story with genres that balance everything immaculately well. From the dark lore, the wars, the characters, the action itself. . . Even romance — that one thing most (as far as I've read) manhwas cannot drive properly.

I love that Altair is not only served as the love interest, she has her own circle of character that doesn't revolve around Zephyr. She's her own person. The story shows how well she and Zephyr work together even in separate ways. And in the recent chapter, I noticed something—

Altair and Zephyr's deepest thoughts both have thorns!

Since birth, Altair had been desired because of her beauty and her status in the world. Most men only wanted her because she'd make a good trophy for them. She knew her worth and if she wanted to fall in love, she wanted to fall in love with someone who was willing to go through a difficult path with her and see through her exterior. She believed that there would be no love for her in life.

In Zephyr's case, he was used and deceived. His life started off as a slave who had been beat around and had poured so much sweat and blood just to reach where he was. Even in his second life, he carried the scars from his first life. The fear of losing the ones he loved and the fear of being tricked again.

They found each other.

Altair finally found someone who was willing to walk the thorny path in her life. Zephyr wasn't a man who brought her down just like she feared, he was a man who held a torch in her life and gave her everything she (never knew) needed. She wasn't alone.

Because of Zephyr's past with the Smiling Woman, he was afraid that he might experience the same way. . . But not Altair. She showed him honesty instead of futile words. She never deceived him (well, except that kissing spell, but Zephyr had already anticipated that) and treated him like an object, which was also something he shared with Altair — they both wanted to be treated the way they were, not as objectives to be thrown away after.

ZEPHYR WILL ALWAYS CHOOSE ALTAIR

NO MATTER HOW MANY LIFETIMES

IT'S FOREVER GOING TO BE HER

AND ALTAIR WILL NEVER LET GO OF ZEPHYR'S HAND NO MATTER HOW SHARP THE THORNS BENEATH HER FEET ARE

#why isn't anyone else reading this manhwa? IT'S AMAZING I'M TELLING YOU #i feel like crying at how beautiful their love story is— #manhwa #doom breaker #reincarnation of the suicidal battle god #doom breaker zephyr #doom breaker altair #zephtair

[feelslikegold]

supposed to fly home today like I didn’t see the most babygirl jake possible last night and just ruin my entire life

#feeling v emotional about who gvf are to me today #I met so many genuinely amazing people last night????? #everyone around us were the sweetest humans ever 🧍🏻‍♀️ #particular one older woman who I will literally never forget like I could feel my soul come out of my body to attach itself to hers she was #SO amazing with an amazing story ???? like she was 63 and she’d never in her life been to a concert before #of any kind #and she just finished chemo so her gift to her was going to her very first concert ??? which was greta #she was just…….. so sweet ?????? and so beautiful!!!! I kept checking up on her even though we are ignoring that she was across the floor #truly do not know how drunk val navigated last night without hurting myself somehow 🧍🏻‍♀️ #anyways……. this band is so Different #would love to go to their shows and disconnect and just have a fun old time but i’m always hit with how I wouldn’t be here without their #music !!! #sounds dramatic af but 🧍🏻‍♀️ #and josh and sam taking the time to go around bstage barricade and grab literally all of our hands #they both made eye contact with everyone they touched like they were truly taking it all in #I didn’t feel like just a paycheck to them 🧍🏻‍♀️ #i’m 🫂🫂🫂🫂 #and GOD the video of jake and the little girl #like. they care so much ??? #ouch #hate them #hate what their shows do to me !!!! #going to be on a fucking plane and crying to frozen light 💀💀💀 #truly embarrassing !!!!!! #I am not checking this for typos so have fun :) #jake kiszka #josh kiszka #greta van fleet

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually #very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds #like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd #but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga #and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit #and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’ #which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road #its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16! #he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control #which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’ #so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way #like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health #i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to #be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident! #so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game #is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me #cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused #but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone #like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways #and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed #but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child #shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING #HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY #like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work #apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs #his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be #better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy #and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad #how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel #makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired

[youjustwaitsunshine]

something that makes me feel some type of way is how seb is holding letters in almost all pictures of fan events/pit walks. this together with knowing that he reads and keeps all of them? and that he said multiple times theyre his favorite thing to get? ♡(ﾐ ᵕ̣̣̣̣̣̣ ﻌ ᵕ̣̣̣̣̣̣ ﾐ)ﾉ

#♡(ﾐ ᵕ̣̣̣̣̣̣ ﻌ ᵕ̣̣̣̣̣̣ ﾐ)ﾉ fr #i love him so much #and i love the way he is so private but loves getting personal letters. we might not see his life but we're a part of it #sebastian vettel #like a message on social media DOES feel impersonal #and handing him a handwritten letter is like. i know he wont reply but i don't need him to. this is to tell him what he means to me. #it's like. letters will keep existing and keep being meaningful and i think it's beautiful that he might not care much about a legacy or + #or about the statistics but he cares so much about the people he inspires passion in and he cares about emotion and authenticity #and handwritten letters show so much personality and are so individual and it all ties in + #with how he manages to make everyone who has a story about meeting him feel seen and special. #all those stories of remembering names and situations and the letters #it all just ties into him caring so much #UGH #i just think he's neat. (lie. i am crytyping this. 35yo father of three likes handwritten letters 87 dead millions injured) #ok tag crying session over thank you for reading if you got here

[dredshirtroberts]

oh shit y'all.

i've done gotten invested in Gurren Lagann. we're like 19 episodes deep in this paint and i have been emotionally compromised by the silly mechs.

believe in the me.

#that believes in you #i was gonna say pray for me but that makes me actively uncomfortable so don't do that #but i figured the believe in me thing was fitting #gurren lagann #i don't know how deep this rabbit hole will go for me - but i have a drill so let's find out i GUESS #y'all i did not anticipate this being what happened to me in my 30s i thought i'd found all the anime i was going to be emotionally attache #to in my teens and HERE WE ARE I MISSED ONE I GUESS #i'm having a blast don't let my silly complaints fool you i like to be dramatically angry about things that delight me sometimes #the THEMES the MOTIFS the STORY IT'S TELLING #UGH #SO GOOD #i don't want to hear criticism about it because it's BEAUTIFUL and I LOVE IT #we're watching kill la kill when we get done with gurren lagann and i am SO EXCITED about that trigger knows my weaknesses #and it's goofy faces and tiddies while dealing with really deep subject matter in a ridiculous way #also apparently mechs? wasn't anticipating that one at all i am ambivalent about mechs in general #but BOY HOWDY DID I CRY WHEN DAI-GURREN HAD TO EXPLODE ITS SWORD OFF #anyway... where was i #oh yeah so anyway in case you haven't guessed yet this taking over my brain slowly but surely and i'm sure there will be at least one #attempt at fic in the future for me we'll see how it goes #in the meantime... #oh yeah fun fact #i fucking thought gurren lagann the mech was from gundam and so when i started recognizing it i went THAT'S WHERE IT'S FROM?? but in my hea #because i didn't actually watch gundam i was ambivalent about mechs as stated earlier but of the gundams that one was my favorite #AND IT'S NOT EVEN A GUNDAM I FEEL SLIGHTLY LIED TO BUT IN A GOOD WAY SOMEHOW??? #anyway we're having a super normal one over here don't mind me

[shima-draws]

JVKE’s this is what ___ feels like album has me feeling some sort of way

#I'm usually not one to get into more modern artists. BUT. #Holy shit.........his music makes me feel shit. Like FEEL it really feel it #It's genius actually. A story told on 4 parts. Connected through other songs. The stages of falling in and out of love #It's heartbreaking. It's fucking heartbreaking actually #The fact that this is what heartbreak feels like comes RIGHT after golden hour?? Shut up. Shut UP THAT HURTS ME #golden hour is deadass the most gorgeous song I've ever heard in my fucking life I can't even express the emotions I feel listening to it #It's beautiful. It's whimsical. It's magical. It captures such a specific feeling and time of day. Time of YEAR even #It's a song about love and how in awe he is of the person he loves and it's perfect and soft and. golden hour. Yeah. That's it. #And then. THEN WE FUCKING GET TO THE NEXT SONG AND IT'S LIKE #All that buildup of what falling in love is like.....what it's like to be in love to love someone to treasure them to feel FEEL for them #And then we get hit with betrayal. It's bitter. It hurts. And you can feel that in the song too #Ugh ugh UGH how does he do it. The whole album is a story from start to finish and it makes me want to cry #Falling in love...heartbreak...sadness...and then. #Acceptance. Moving on. Falling in love with someone new. AHGHH #It really reminds me of The Last Five Years bc that has the same sort of concept #A story of love told through song. Falling in love to falling out of love... #LOVE HURTS!! THIS ALBUM HURTS ME IN ALL THE BEST WAYS. #Shima speaks #Anyway go listen to this is what ___ feels like right now. Do it

[yioh]

the fact that i’ve cried through every single page after the halfway mark of little mushroom book 2 is…. something

#i pick it up i read one page i CRY #LIKE #WTF #I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY #IT MAKES ME …. FEEL SO MUCH #Like this isn’t like . ur usual tragedy angst #there’s something otherworldly and beautiful in this story #every word sounds so profound #it’s so sad yet so loving yet so cruel and yet gentle #i’m starting to think that this author might not be human they must be like some mystical creature #how could someone write something as heart wrenching as this #i love this story so much #i usually don’t like sad stories but #can this story even be described as just ‘sad’ ? #it’s so much #everyone needs to read this at least once in their lives #little mushroom is my bible now

[sureuncertainty]

i hope someone draws me something of gene and emma for art fight that absolutely destroys me

#win rambles #like i want the angstiest saddest most depressing beautiful art in the world #i should commission that..... #anyway i'm in my feelings again it's fine #i'm just thinking about how everyone always draws happy things for art fight #but how i'd love to get something like. really fucking sad #bc that's an important part of gene and emma's story and i want to see it too #this post is brought to you by me listening to last kiss by taylor swift and crying

[sothassil]

I went out for easter lunch with my granddad and halfway through, two elder trans women- gray hair and canes and all-walked in, and I have spent probably the last hour crying on and off because they reminded me that we get to get old.

we get to live long, beautiful lives. we get to meet up with our life long friends for lunch at some little diner and talk about good times and how our families are doing. we get to sip on iced tea, and smile, and live

I ended up paying their bill, and I really wish I'd have gone up to talk to them. unfortunately I'm fairly shy with strangers, but I regret not saying hello.

but I hope they know, that everywhere they go, they glow like a neon sign lighting up a foggy path with the message that we get to live

#personal #brb I'm crying again #I needed to see them in the worst way #They're not only a symbol of human resilience. but of trans resilience as well #that no matter what this world throws at us. our people belong. we will always be here. we will survive. and we will be happy #trans elders are so incredibly important to me #the thing is too #I posted on my snap story how happy I was to see those ladies #and this young trans guy I work with said that myself and two other trans men I'm friends with #are for him what those ladies were to me today #that we made him realize that we can exist and we can exist loudly and happily #he texted me that and man. I'm telling you I cried #the trans community is so beautiful #I love all of my trans siblings so very much and I'll scream that from the rooftops for all of my life #rampant tr/nsphobia lately has had me so fucking destroyed inside. I feel like a big part of my heart healed today

[softsweetwhispers]

i am sitting in choir class and we are listening do lord, oh do lord, lord, remember me and i think there's something to be said about the spirituality of singing and music that brings people together. there's something unmistakable in harmonies and chords, when the dissonance gets resolved and everything is beautiful again. you are sitting in the dark theater, listening to oh, way beyond the sun, and you step out and everything is bright and colorful and is in hyper focus. i can feel it, in my bones, in my veins, in my heart, and i'm not sure if it's only me, but everyone loves music. everyone's has to love one specific song they've heard or one specific piece and the vibrations that echo through the space and into your toes makes everything feel more alive. and isn't that beautiful, that we, as people, get to listen to these things other people have created and we get to call it music and we get to love it so much we listen to it over and over. isn't it beautiful that we've just collectively decided that instruments and voices and all of these combinations can build something this connective?

| k. - @nosebleedclub march xxvii. choir.

#inkneewayz i love music n how it brings people together n i just think we as a society should appreciate more!!! like it's been around for #like ever n it's still here! bringing people together! making us feel things! we aren't alone we all fall in love n cry n it's beautiful!! #original writing #original poetry #poetry #prose piece #writing #story prompt #original story #soft poetry #writing prompt #prose poetry #prose #original prose #prose poem #poetic prose #pro snape #poem #sweet poetry #poetryblr #spilled ink #writers on tumblr #poets on tumblr #music #connection #human connection #humanity #on loving #living #music history

[thefunniestguy]

THE . THE CONSTANT REFERENCES TO RENGOKU ......

#tanjiro fighting daki . when he tries to use flame breathing #and the . set your heart ablaze :((((( #i miss himmmmmm ..... #also while im talking about rengoku just #the . the little thing where the hashira give their opinions on each other #and no one had anything bad to say ahout rengoku . and rengoku was kind in his words about the others #what a good guy :((( /pos #absolutely love characters who are just . purely just . 'a good guy' like him . and elliot nightray . and kou minamoto #BUT THIS IS ABOUT RENGOKU . I LOVE RENGOKU #ALSO UHHH ON THE TOPIC OF HIM #I KEEP THINKING ABOUT HIS QUOTE ABOUT 'BEING HUMAN' . thats one of my favorite quotes ever . loooooove quotes or stories or arcs that #go into like . 'what it means to be human' that sorta thing . i dont CARE if it gets sappy . make me feel happy to be here idc man <33 #ough looking up the quote ive realized he has sooooo many good ones ... #BUT THE HUMAN QUOTE . he says (unsure if this is exact but im trusting google ig) #'growing old and dying is what gives meaning and beauty to the fleeting span of a human life' . GOSH . something about it made me wanna cry #and still does :(( #/pos #BUT ALSO HIS . #'go ahead and live with your head held high. no matter how devastated you may be by your own weakness or uselessness' IS GOOD TOO #holds him gently in the palm of my hand

[noxtivagus]

WAKING UP TO THE NEW TALES FROM THE DAWN !?!

#tag later #I SHOUTED WHEN I SAW HERMES . #MY HEAD ACHES RN BUT IT'S OK BCS MY BABY BOY HERMES!!!! #I HAVEN'T EVEN READ IT I JUST LOOKED AT THE PICTURE.... I LOVE HIM SO MUCH PLEASEEE #i rmber first seeing him in-game n i immediately got attached!!!! he's so pretty n his voice is so beautiful and HE'S SO GENTLE. #i'm afraid to read the story i think i'll cry. i love him that much. bb needs a hug T_T #NO BCS I ALSO KIN HIM... N HE'S SO TRAGIC. I LIKE SAD PPL SO MUCH ?? UGH I FUCKING HATE IT HERE #whenever i think of those enw scenes i clearly remember his voice. the emotion in it n how soothing it his #ngl he's more my type than emet-selch bcs he's also infp n he's so. next to cats / birds are actually my second favorite animals #and blue is my favorite color.... so w meteion that. yeah. #I'M TOO NERVOUS TO START READING I CAN FEEL IT I'M GNA CCRY #FUCK. I STARTED CRYING AT THE FIRST SENTENCE' #he reminds me so much of myself n that's why i'm so in love. #I'M ACTUALLY CRYING. EVERY SINGLE WORD SPEAKS OUT TO ME SO MUCH #I CAN'T EVEN WRITE IT DOWN ANYMORE. THE WRITING HURTS SO MUCH I'M SPEECHLESS #blue like the fucking sky #'meteion' crying i can hear his voice #stroking his hair.... i see so much of myself in this story for fuck's sake i'm too in shock to shed even more tears rn #'that hope did not last'. that hurts so much. that hurts so fucking much #i finished reading n i'm at a loss for words. it's been a while since i felt this way. i'm an utter mess #his desire and yearning for truth.... is something i relate with so much #from start to end. i didn't even cry /a lot/ n i think it's because #i relate with it so much. it hurts in that way. which is why. i can't. #& when hermes talked about the wol. it felt like he was talking about /me/... that hurt so much #n when he talked about himself and his experiences. i saw much of my own self in them. we're so similar it hurts #'What Hermes had glimpsed in her gentle countenance was neither kindness nor forbearance / but strength.' #'A person who / despite turning the Elpis flower a sorrowful hue / could continue to smile.' #'And so he gazed into her eyes / the same striking blue as her wings / and recalled the days that had led them to this reckoning.' #the writing is so poetic in a way that's so reminiscent of my own self. i relate w the themes in his character so much #every word reminds me of myself. from 'acceptance' to 'chaos' to 'choice' and 'blame' and 'answer'

[infizero]

also having now actually seen the whole thing adventure time has skyrocketed into one of my favorite shows ever. like for real i liked it as a kid and have always had a fondness for it ever since but rewatching it now has made me realize Just how fucking good it is and how unlike anything else it is. its so good and appeals to ME specifically in so many ways please for the love of god if you haven't watched adventure time WATCH IT. WATCH IT RIGHT NOW

#ALSO. i think i may have mentioned this before but i really do think AT has one of the best senses of worldbuilding and continuity #i've seen in a cartoon. other than like steven universe maybe (gee i wonder how that happened) #but seriously like the fact that its able to be so goofy and weird a lot of the time while still constantly keeping in mind all these thing #and having them inform the story and world in realistic ways is so good it has really blown my mind #nothing is ever retconned nothing is ever forgotten about. even the seemingly most meaningless things will still be remembered #and referenced by the characters because thats how people are!! they dont just have stuff happen to and around them and then never #bring it up again!! but they also dont constantly go ''remember when we did xyz?'' stuff just comes up naturally if it makes sense #for it to do so. and i think thats so fucking incredible and admirable #AT's flavor of weirdness and comedy and raw emotion is something so wonderful and perfectly aligned with how i like my stories #and it really does have a vibe that is unlike anything else. i am going to cry thinking about it #like the closest thing i can think of. and lord forgive me but im being genuine in terms of vibes closest thing i can think of that #i've experienced at least is dsmp. in the way that there are things that are so fucking dumb and strange and things that are so gut #wrenchingly emotional and beautiful and simple and often those things are intertwined. its stupid and weird and funny and sad #its silly its dark its fun its tragic #something about both of them just feels like a representation of the human spirit in its purest form to me. they impact me the most #because they represent all sides and experiences of existing #idk. but ive always felt like this even before i got into AT again. i said a while ago if dsmp was made into a show it would HAVE to #be an adventure time style cartoon. and every time i see fanart drawn in the AT style or whatever it makes me so happy even now #ANYWAYS. sorry to derail but i really have missed the vibes of the dsmp and in a weird way AT felt a lot similar and i really love that #FUCKKKK not me getting emotional over the indominable human spirit. im gonna go saw my legs off BYE I LOVE ADVENTURE TIME #serena.txt

[drchucktingle]

my masks

hey there buckaroos. due to all of the attention the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION situation has gotten i am going to take a minute to talk about my personal way as an autistic buckaroo. im going to tell you about my masks.

im doing this for a few reasons, some are good FUN reasons full of love and some are not so great. 

lets start with the GOOD STUFF. first of all, i am talking about this because speaking on my way can help other buckaroo feel more comfortable speaking on there own way, ESPECIALLY if they are good at ‘passing’ for neurotypical like chuck is. 

unfortunately the NOT SO GREAT reasons im talking about all this dang stuff are two fold. reason one: i have been put into a position of having to explain and justify my needs and boundaries by the TXLA. this is not something that i WANT to be taking up all of my time, but when large organizations do not make space for those who they have pledged to support, it puts us smaller buckaroos into position where were have to defend our existence. it is not plesent but it is necessary.

the second NOT SO GREAT reason is that ‘passing’ bisexual and autistic people like myself are ALWAYS just seconds from being gatekept from folks both outside and inside these communities. there will probably be a day on chucks deathbed where i take off my mask and say hello to this timeline (mostly so you can all see how handsome i am under here but I DIGRESS). i KNOW with absolute certainty (the same way other bi and autistic buckaroos are probably nodding along right now) that when that day comes i will STILL be accused of ‘not being real’ and ‘faking’ because i ‘dont look autistic’ and i have a beautiful ladybuck partner in sweet barbara.

ALL THAT IS TO SAY, i am taking a moment today to talk FOR THE RECORD about my neurodigence and my particular needs. hopefully i will not have to keep diving this deep every time an organization takes a discrimantory action against me, but i will also say this: at least it is a good fight on an important battlefield

anyway buds, here is the story of my way on the spectrum

when i was a young buckaroo i knew that my thought process was different. i could socialize easily, which is unique in contrast to many autistic buds (it is a spectrum after all), but my social ease was for an interesting reason. I ALWAYS KNEW WHAT OTHERS WERE ABOUT TO SAY. it was like a strange ‘human game’ where someone would say one thing and i would think ‘well you actually mean something else’ in a sort of logical way (this is why i later related to DATA from star trek so dang much). at first i remember thinking ‘well i am just NOT going to play along with this human game’. i quickly learned neurotypical buckaroos do not like this, that there is a BOB AND WEAVE to social interactions that must be learned. 

later i realized ‘actually if i WANT to make friends and prove love is real then i can do this like an expert because i can SEE the game where most cant’. this got chuck many buds and took me on many adventures. please understand, i am not saying these connections are not important to me, they are just different. they are full of love, but i express this in my own unique way.

HOWEVER, while growing up i felt disconnected from this timeline in other ways, like an alien or a reverse twin trotting along in a world that is not quite my own. i did not feel emotions the same way my buds did. they would get upset over the ‘human game’ interactions and i would not be moved at all, HOWEVER i could see the way sunlight hit a window and start crying my dang eyes out over the beauty. so my emotion was still there and VERY STRONG, i just felt it in more existential ways (like hearing the call of the lonesome train). these days that feeling has progressed to where i am pretty much in a constant blissed out state of cosmic emotional connection (make of that last sentence what you will, but it is the truth). when i make existential posts online i am not just FIRING OFF SOME CONTENT, i really mean every word. this is really my trot.

anyway as a young buckaroo these feelings made me worry sometimes. i thought about various mental health dianosises and marked the parts and pieces that matched with myself. am i this? am i that? sometimes, instead of just being’ different’ i worried i might actually be ‘wrong’. 

when i saw david byrne on letterman in my younger days i immediately recognized something connected to myself. i thought ‘wow this is the mystery being solved before my very eyes.’ i could hear it in the music of talking heads too. i started doing research and realized that i might be on autism spectrum, something that was later confirmed by a therapist (back then the diagnosis was called asperger's). it was a glorious and fulfilling moment. i was SO EXCITED TO BE AUTISTIC LIKE MY HERO. i felt very cool because of it, and i still feel very cool because of it.

one of the big reasons i talk so much about being autistic these days is because i want to make sure OTHER buckaroos can have that same moment that i did. they can see chuck and think ‘wow i really like this autistic artist, maybe being autistic is cool’

so what does an average day WITHOUT wearing the pink bag look like for me?

my thought process is exactly like ROSE from CAMP DAMASCUS, which is part of why i wrote the book. we have the same stim (complex order of finger taps), we prepare for social interactions the same way, we analyze things in the same logical trot that neurotypical people might think feels ‘detached’ but for me feels natural (certain reviews of camp damascus are very funny to me in this way. you can tell when a reader is just very confused by existing in an autistic brain for 250 pages.)

from the outside you would not be able to tell that i am on the spectrum. in fact you would probably find me very socially adept. 

the problem is, all of that masking can take its toll. i spent years trotting in and out the emergency room, talking to confused doctors who could not figure out the chronic phantom tension and pain that radiated through my body. i eventually accepted the fact that i would either live a life constantly on heavy painkillers or just stop living altogether.

eventually, however, i started noticing a correlation between the way that i felt, and the space that i allowed for chuck and the pink mask. i was exercising that tension, allowing my mental mask of neurotypical existence to take a rest. i started practicing physical therapy and this time THE RESULTS STUCK because i was approaching from two sides, MIND AND BODY. after a while, i got my pain down to about 5 percent of what it once was. i still have flare ups in times of stress, but the healing has been very real and life changing.

lets get VERY specific now. if i attended the TXLA confrence without a mask and gave my talk i can tell you this: i would do a dang good job. i can work the heck out of a crowd and (not to reveal too much about my secret way) I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO DO THIS ON OCCASION VERY WELL. however, going home from this event i would very likely be in pain. i would likely need to do physical therapy. i would likely need to stim for a while. i would NOT be emotionally fullfilled in the same way. in other words, without my pink mask i can charm the heck out of buckaroos, but THE SPACE OF CHUCK TINGLE IS NOT THE SPACE FOR THAT. the pink bag is a place for me to not have to put up with that tension. it is a place for me to unmask mentally by masking physically.

this pink bag space SAVED MY LIFE and i am not going to risk blurring these lines. if and when that ever happens it will be MY decision, not someone elses. that is my boundary. the part of me that neurotypically masks could handle a library conference in a purely technical sense, but the part of me that chuck represents absolutely cannot and should not be asked to do that without the pink bag. unfortunately, the complexity of this point makes it even MORE difficult for me to think about and takes up even more of my time, because it forces me to START QUESTIONING MYSELF and my own needs. to be honest, that is the most insidious part of other people questioning your identify and refusing to accept your accommodation needs without ‘proof’.

the thing is, while all of this discussion of disability and accessibility is important, i have a much larger point to make by writing these words.

a conference should not uninvite someone with an unusual physical presentation or a strange way of speaking REGARDLESS of it being classified as a disability. it does not matter WHY i look the way that i look and wear what i wear. i should not have to spend all day writing this post instead of writing my next book, just because my sensibilities are unique and my presentation is unusual. 

fortunately the solution is very simple: let other people be themselves. its not hurting you to simply accept and nod at the buckaroos you think look strange. let us exist

#actually autistic #chuck tingle #tingleverse #buckaroo lifestyle