#i don’t remember their relationship being this homoerotic in the book

[gertruderobinsonscat]

Re: Shogun—tumblr has deeply failed me because I have yet to see anyone shipping Toranaga/Blackthorne. I can’t be the only one.

#shogun #he needs to fuck that old man #i don’t remember their relationship being this homoerotic in the book #but it’s been a billion years since i read it so don’t remember the details #if the show didn’t want me to think about it #they shouldn’t have had Blackthorne strip down to his loin cloth #so that Toranaga could watch him demonstrate proper diving form for hours

[asherlockstudy]

Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure whatever big thing will happen in the 4th video or after it will just be some big product launch. They've been stressing in their EBs that they've been focusing a LOT on their careers and how they can grow more creatively, but also at the end of the day they're running businesses, and so I just have very little hope after hearing "we're not queer, but we're supportive" that it'll be something about their relationship

I thought it could be an album with all those songs. But the DnD one had no song at all.

I don’t know if there is a product launch association but that doesn’t change the things I received from these videos, especially the first one actually. All of them seemed clearly autobiographical to me and this one is about them in the 80s and the old times in general. These were times they were very repressed and conservative and neck deep into the church.

The song combines love, homoerotism with severe denial. I think it’s sarcasm over the excuses they must have had back then.

We are not queer BUT… we are supportive

This is actually a thing they have hinted at in their deconstruction ear biscuits. They said once how their “questioning religion” discussions sometimes started at the base of being concerned about lgbt people’s rights and welfare. I can guarantee you that the Rhett and Link of the 00s would resolutely not care about LGBT people, had they not felt the impact on their very skin. This is what the song says: “hey mate no homo BUT I kinda get it”

Like a brother from another mother BUT I won’t tell you I love you cause that might make it weird

Rhett and Link have repeatedly said in GMM they love each other. This is for the time before. The time they couldn’t say it because it would have been weird. “Hey mate I love you BUT no homo… I mean as a brother” Remember Link’s little emphasising punch on the desk on that GMM in Season 3-4 I think? “I. Love you. Like a brother. Rhett. I love you. Like a brother.” Remember at around same time, maybe even same episode (or not) “Oh yes I do love you” awkward laughs and then Link defensively on the cameras “I am not gonna apologise for that!”. Very different from how it is now. And how much worse it could have been further back in time. So there you go. The point is not to tell us they love each other as brothers but to tell that confessing they love each other would be viewed as weird and it would perhaps cause problems between them back in the day.

Like my other significant other

There is no alternative interpretation for this. Ironically it was Rhett a few months ago mocking Link that he didn’t know you use SO only for lovers (btw Link clearly knew, Rhett just did that to rescue them from another unhinged outing moment or something). And now here it is. “Hey mate I am in love with you BUT in a totally Hetero way”

It’s about their old denial. It is not suggesting they aren’t romantic, it’s quite the contrary.

As for how open the fourth will be, well that’s their business. We just know it is going to be bolder than the three previous ones and that is enough on my book. It likely won’t be a coming out because Link said it is going to be the riskiest one and then he implied they are going to check the people’s reactions and THEN decide what they do with it. But I think Rhett and Link somehow overestimate their YouTube fanbase’s perception… But again they don’t have to come out… That’s on them and it is a very dangerous situation given their circumstances anyway.

#rhink #anon #mail

[leatherbookmark]

chinhands

i’m not quite sure if i would say that jyl loves wwx more than she loves jc. she does look at wwx as she’s dying, which can’t be said for jc, but like... wwx is the runaway problematic kid, wwx is the one she hasn’t seen for months, wwx is the one who’s responsible for her dying. i feel it’s a bit like the reason why jfm gives more attention to wwx than to jc, aside from the fact that jc is yzy’s son and reminds him of her and of everything that didn’t work out between them -- wwx is the new kid, he needs to get used to his new home, he needs to know he’s safe and loved, he needs to have his fun, and he’s not the heir so he obviously can get into more trouble he’ll need rescuing from/rescuing after...

i don’t have siblings, but i don’t know if we can say that jyl, jc’s biological big sister who was there when he was born, held his little hand, comforted him when he cried and played with him, obviously loves wwx more than she loves jc. she does show wwx more attention and warmth! so maybe it’s just me pointlessly arguing about the semantics! and also wwx is the main pov, so maybe she’s affectionate with jc but we just don’t see it! but it just. idk.

a personal sidenote: i completely suck at being a friend. i routinely forget about people -- say, when i get into a new Thing, i can spend AGES thinking about it, reading ff, browsing people’s blogs, and then i wake up and remember i have friends i haven’t talked to for three weeks, oops. i also often hesitate to message people even if i want to talk to them, because a, i don’t want to bother them, and b, i often don’t have anything worth talking about going on in my life, and i want to avoid the shame of having to admit that. and like -- i mean, yeah, maybe there is something wrong with me, actually, because i’ve had several relationships just... fizzle out to nothing -- we stopped talking, we got into a petty argument and unfollowed each other, and so on -- and i just feel... “well, that’s a bummer” about it, and that’s it. i’m not heartbroken, i can’t relate to those “everyone had a homoerotic friendship in high school that later fell apart and ruined you emotionally” posts! so maybe i don’t have feelings, maybe i’m a bad “friend” or even an “acquaintance”! this is not sarcasm, i mean it. i don’t know. but i’m sure there are people who do have feelings and are good friends, but who, say, have adhd and it makes it hard to keep in touch, or regularly pay attention to their loved ones, and it just makes me sad to think that essentially if you pay less attention = you care less.

or maybe it’s also me being a tiny bit 🤔 when we start adhering too closely to what the book clearly/evidently/obviously says in our posts...? like. idk. i think a lot of the fun in fandom is also having our interpretations and “well i don’t know for sure, but i think that...”, and talking strictly and only about the canon text a/ gets kinda boring after a while and b/ well it can’t all be there, can it. like at least some of it has to be our interpretation. and it’s okay! it’s fun, actually! it’s just. augh.

am i making sense. am i being mean. i don’t know. don’t expect things from me please

#shrimp thoughts

[thephoenixandthecrocodile]

Writing about Relationships and Aceness as an Aro-Ace Agender Writer

I originally wrote this post for my blog for Ace Week, but wanted to publish it here because it means a lot to me. So, let's celebrate Ace Week again!

This year’s theme was ace creativity so I thought I would write about being an aro-ace agender writer, how that affects how I write romantic and sexual relationships, and how I work aceness into my stories. 

Being Aro-Ace

As an aro-ace agender writer who has never dated/slept with/wanted to date or sleep with anyone ever, my living experience can feel really niche to the point where it feels like I’ll never get the rep I need because my experience is so “rare”. This can also make writing romantic or sexual relationships that others recognize as romantic or sexual difficult. 

I don’t understand how sexual attraction works or what makes someone attractive or even when people realize they find other people attractive. I often feel like Dr. Manhattan when he said “a live human body and a deceased human body have the same number of particles. Structurally, there's no difference.” Except for me it would “a clothed body and a naked body have the same number of particles. Aesthetically and sexually, there's no difference.”

I remember being really flummoxed by a beta reader comment asking “why does the MC think other people should find the SC attractive” and “Why does the MC find the LI attractive? You should work more homoerotic references into this scene” and I had a mini panic attack because I had no idea what that would look like. My one example of homoeroticism (and I’m still not a hundred percent sure why it’s considered homoerotic) is Hannibal and so I was like, should the MC give the LI a still beating heart? IDK. That would work better with Demons, not so much with crocodile people. 

I don’t understand what makes something romantic or how it’s different from friendship. I was talking to another writer friend about these three characters who are supposed to be together but keep finding reasons not to and they said, “oh you should let them pine for each other” and I felt a very visceral no! Because who has time for that! Even though it’s a common romance trope…

I love the concept of queerplatonic, but not sure I truly know what it means or what it looks like…although my characters have more intense friendships then romantic or sexual ones so maybe I’m writing about it all the time and I don’t realize it. 

I’m still trying to figure out how my lack of a gender affects attraction/my understanding of attraction. I know that I rarely acknowledge my own body so I have no idea of how I would make myself “look good” or “look attractive”. And I almost never find anything aesthetically attractive about other people and if I do, it literally lasts for a minute or two and then it disappears and I’m left very confused.

I’m also unable to read or watch anything where the romantic or sexual relationship is a core component of the media. If I do, I get very frustrated and just skip through all those scenes because they’re boring/meaningless to me. So I can’t even engage with media that deal with these relationships because I just can’t get through them or I skip the parts I should be studying. I struggle reading books with ace characters as well because they always feel like the ace character has to be presented and explained within an allosexual framing, even when the author themselves are on the ace spectrum. Which just makes me feel more isolated from my own identity because I can’t even find an ace character that I can identify with.

All of these factors can make it feel like I’m pounding against a wall when I have to write about people being together and that a key component of my writing is missing. There is the fear that I’ll never truly get people interested in my books because there isn’t a romantic component and I can’t feed the shipping flames or even engage in that side of the fandom because it doesn’t interest me/doesn’t make sense to me. Or, worst, the fandom will take my canonically ace and aro-ace characters and turn them allosexual which feels like a deep betrayal of who they are and who I am.

Writing about relationships

And, yet, relationships are going to form – some romantic, others platonic – in my stories and so I had to figure out how I would approach these relationships. They generally fall into three categories: 

I’m most comfortable writing the first category because it’s really just an old and tested friendship with maybe more kissing? Although I will admit, I definitely add more references to physical affection if they’re older LGBTQ+ relationships just because we don’t have a lot of those - either in fiction or in real life.

Category three annoys me because I just don’t know what is going on, so I don’t know what those relationships need. I will admit that usually those relationships are confusing because at least one of the partners is on the aro/ace spectrum and neither I nor the character has realized it yet. Once we figure out where they belong, those relationships make more sense and are easier to develop.

Category two relationships are my favorite to write because I get to dissect and destroy relationships in a cathartic way. Usually those relationships aren’t built on attraction or romance, but on manipulation and transactions, and so it’s easier to write because I’m just studying how someone breaks someone completely while getting everything they want (or failing and dying brutally haha). 

It’s really refreshing for me because I can basically write about the abuse I went through and I’ve seen and study the behavior and patterns from a removed position. Then I get that cathartic release when things fall apart and usually at least one person dying. I think it’s why I love the play Othello so much, because it’s about a relationship being poisoned and the dark destruction of everyone involved. Or even the Macbeth and Demona relationship in the show Gargoyles. They were friends, maybe more (Macbeth does marry Demona when she’s in her human form – it’s a long story) and their entire relationship is built on mistrust and betrayal, but they have no one else.

I mean it’s horrible when it happens in real life, but there is something very cathartic for me to read or watch fictional destruction (which probably has more to do with my trauma then my sexual orientation). Not only is it cathartic, but it’s easier for me to understand a relationship that is build on material things and needs as oppose to sexual or romantic impulses. I will never understand why a man rolling up his shirt sleeves is attractive, but I can understand why someone will stay with a person who makes them feel stable or who can provide wealth or a safe space to be. 

So, in short, relationships only make sense to me when they’re old, stable relationships or toxic, destructive relationships. And I’m sure you found all of that fascinating, but how do I work aceness into my stories?

Writing about Aceness

I generally don’t write about my characters discovering their aceness, with few exceptions. A lot of times my characters are introduced knowing they’re ace and/or aro-ace and there is little discussion of what that means. Everyone in my world understands what it means and no one questions it. I also don’t really write about being ace. A lot of my characters simply are ace and that’s that. I wrote it that way because that’s how I think about being ace. Aro-ace isn’t my identity until someone forces me to find an identity by flashing RELATIONSHIPS, SEX, ROMANCE in front of my face. Otherwise, it doesn’t really affect my life because I’ve been aro-ace all my life so I’m not “missing” anything like a lot of allosexual people assume. I’m literally just living my life until someone forces their life expectations on me.

Of course I say that, but it’s also hard not to work aceness into an ace character’s life, even if being ace isn’t the focus of the story or even that particular character. I think the obvious feature of being ace is being unable to understand or feel sexual attraction to another character.

One of my books is written as a memoir and even though the MC writes about other characters being together and eventually marries his own LI, there is no exploration of attraction or what is considered attractive, etc. His LI is a handsome sex worker and burlesque dancer who can win just about anyone over with his good looks, but the MC doesn’t even notice. The most the MC will notice is that the LI is wearing less clothes than usual, but that’s it. I think I may recreate my own experience at a burlesque show in the next draft where the LI will perform a strip tease and the MC won’t even notice really. He’ll just sit there and think hm they have amazing muscle control. 

Another aspect of being ace, and especially aro-ace, is that the things most people “want” in life: sexual experiences, romantic experiences, etc. never enter your mind. For the ace and/or aro-ace person this is normal so we don’t even notice, but for other people it feels like something is missing, like there is a void that needs to be filled and the ace/aro-ace person is the weirdo for not noticing. But the aro-ace/ace person is like, stop poking me. There is no void!

And that fundamentally changes the type of relationships the ace/aro-ace person will have with people. I won’t say it makes them cherish friendships more, but, at least for an aro-ace person like me, it makes friendship the only relationship I’ll have with people. I’m not looking for anything more than that, can’t feel anything more than that, and so friendship becomes the ultimate relationship goal (however you want to define that and I would throw queerplatonic relationships into that category for the sake of this post, even though others will probably disagree/have their own thoughts).

Which sort of leads to the third aspect: if you’re ace, you’re not thinking about sex except maybe in an abstract way or if you have a libido that needs satisfying. If you’re aro-ace, you’re not thinking about sex or romance except, again in an abstract way or if you have a libido. Also masturbation is quicker, more effective, and equally satisfying way to settle that libido. Other aces and aro-aces enjoy having sex. I do not and a lot of my ace characters don’t either just because that’s sort of my default setting (pretty sure I’m borderline sex repulsed)

I do try to capture a lot of different ace characteristics and experiences with my characters, but also capture the representation I need, and I need an aro-ace agender person who doesn’t care about sex or romance, has no experience with either of those things, doesn’t want experience in either of those things, and doesn’t enjoy even the idea of engaging in sex, let alone actually having it.

Examples of Ace Characters in my Stories

When I write a character, their default sexuality is going to either on the aro and/or ace spectrum or bisexual. I have dozens of characters on the ace spectrum, but these are some of my favorite characters/the most interesting characters.

Kingsley Montivelo

Kingsley, my queer anthro crocodile war criminal/freedom fighter depending on who you ask, is an interesting ace character because while I’m fairly certain he is ace, I don’t know where the hell he fits on the ace spectrum and he doesn’t really care enough to figure it out. Which is legitimate as some people don’t really know where they fit on the spectrum and are still quite comfortable with who they are. However, it can also make deciphering his relationships with other characters difficult. He is one of my rare aces who ends up in a relationship, mostly because I decided he was going to have a boyfriend before I realized he was ace.

Kingsley’s first encounter with “feelings” is with his best friend, (also a queer anthro crocodile like most characters in the queer anthro crocodile book) Devin, the happy-go-lucky playboy who goes through partners like tissue paper because it’s easier than facing the reality of being a rebel. Kingsley has a controlling, jealous friendship with him that could have potentially turned into something if either one of them had matured enough before spoilerish things happened. But they ended up going their own way and I think Kingsley will always have this confusing sense of an “almost” with Devin, even though he can’t say it was ever going to be anything romantic or sexual.

After the spoilerish thing happened, Kingsley was in a bad way, dealing with lots of trauma, and felt he was losing Devin, didn’t want to lose anything else, and then he met Kerry, another ace character who i simply adore. Kerry is a fellow rebel leader who has little patience for Kingsley for reasons. To make matters worse, Devin grows close to Kerry, simply replacing struggling Kingsley with functional Kerry. Kingsley has feelings for Kerry that are closer to a crush, but it’s a possessive, jealous, desperate for validation thing that quickly turns into a loathing that could prove fatal for both of them. One of my beta readers put it best, “Kingsley either wants Kerry, wants to be Kerry, or wishes others would respect him like they respect Kerry.”

After some maturing and other spoilerish things, Kingsley finds himself utilizing the services of a very capable and talented sex worker, burlesque dancer, and one of the most powerful politicians in the country named Oisin (who is one of the greatest characters I’ve ever written tbh). Oisin has had a crush on Kingsley forever and has tried everything to get his attention, but Kingsley never noticed him until Oisin proved he was effective and useful.

Their relationship is one of those toxic disasters I love to write. Oisin is driven into many a panic attack about their relationship because Oisin only understands relationships in terms of sex. He’s never had a romantic relationship before, but Kingsley doesn’t understand sexual attraction. So the only way Oisin can get and keep his attention is to perform favors and small miracles for Kingsley, which means he has to be perfect at all times. The minute he fails in a task for Kingsley, he feels he’ll lose Kingsley forever (Oisin has some co-dependence issues…).

Meanwhile, Kingsley finds Oisin the most attractive when he’s completely ruthless and accomplishing the impossible. He tolerates the sex for Oisin’s sake, but personally finds it boring and exhausting. I think Kingsley has romanticish feelings for Oisin since Oisin adds stability and validation to his life, but will lose interest once Oisin becomes a liability.

So Kingsley isn’t great ace rep, but I think it’s just as important to have complex ace characters as it is to have standard “good” and “pure” ace characters. Kingsley’s understanding that relationships are transactional is also reflective on how I’ve approached the rare chance of having a partner. A few people have asked me if I was interested in dating them and I immediately assessed whether they wanted what I wanted and could help me get it, and I said no both times because they couldn’t help me. Not only did they want different things, they didn’t even realize what I really wanted and I feel Kingsley is similar.

By the time he is ready to have a relationship, he is only interested in people who can help him and thus the “attraction'“ isn’t sexual or even romantic, but more material and skills based (it makes him sound like an HR agent trying to find the perfect employee 😅). Romantic love can and does come out of it for Kingsley, (and they have a few domestic scenes that are warm and full of “feelings”) but like, I said, he’s a survivor first and foremost, and so love will never top survival (to be fair, Oisin eventually realizes what he truly is to Kingsley and begins to priority survival as well, so the power imbalances between the two evens out as the series progresses until the spoilerish ending).

Kerry McNair

Kerry is a rebel anthro crocodile who is basically a self-insert. An aro-ace nonbinary masc character (pronouns are they/he), he’s never had a sexual or romantic relationship, doesn’t want a sexual or romantic relationship, please stop asking him. Unlike me, he cares more for his appearance and dresses well, but unfortunately for him that just attracts more people to him, so he has to find this balance of doing what he enjoys (self-care basically) while also dealing with people who take it as an invitation to flirt with him. Kerry is a no nonsense, sarcastic, effective leader who doesn’t enjoy small talk, people, or collaborative work. He likes to be alone, to organize things, and to see results. This can make him difficult to befriend and he’s a bit like Bilbo. He doesn’t know the few people he actually likes half as well as he would like and likes less than half of the people he knows half as well as they deserve.

As I mentioned above, Kerry doesn’t like Kingsley, because Kingsley is the opposite of Kerry. Kerry thinks he’s sloppy, ineffective, self-absorbed, and dangerous for their cause. In all honesty, Kerry doesn’t think about Kingsley until he’s forced to (a bit like his own sexual identity) and it’s always a bit of a violent reaction whenever he has to deal with Kingsley. Kingsley just brings out the worst in people haha. I don’t think Kerry purposefully alienates Kingsley, he just feels threatened by Kingsley’s own instability and unpredictability and thus acts out to protect himself.

Kerry takes his friends seriously, another reason he doesn’t get along with Kingsley who treats people like disposal tools. Because Kerry is so anti-social, he cherishes the few people who don’t drive him crazy. Two of those characters: Marcus, a trans rebel leader who’s known Kerry since they were kids and is planning to proposal to Kerry’s sister and Devin. Marcus and Kerry are ying and yang: Marcus is passionate, volatile, impulsive, and a natural born leader. Kerry is quiet, calculating, quiet, and natural born organizer. Marcus is the only person he trusts with sister’s and his niblings’ lives (the only family he has left) and Marcus is basically an adopted brother. They have one of my classic unbreakable friendships, the rare cases where characters trust each other so much, nothing can shatter it (which is super rare in my stories, since trust is so fragile, but so sacred).

Kerry’s other friend/borderline queerplatonic partner is, you guessed it, Devin. At first glance, they are exact opposites, but they actually share the same values: friends and family members are the only things that matter, creation is more important than destruction, community, not violence, will always defeat evil. Kerry and Devin have to rebuild a lot of things after spoilerish things happen and both have to deal with Kingsley’s jealous nonsense, which only drives them closer and closer together (which only increases Kingsley’s jealous). Devin provides the support Kerry usually expects from Marcus and Kerry supports Devin in ways Kingsley never could.

Alexander Phillips

Alex is a demiromantic ace journalist with a LOT of trauma (and most of it is Kingsley’s fault). He is also one of my few ace characters in a loving relationship, even though it is far from functional. Alex really captures what it’s like to have the vague idea that the rest of the world is weird because everyone you know is so obsessed with things that you don’t feel or even understand. Alex met Christine, his wife, when they were in their teens and they became friends over their mutual sense of not belonging (Christine often disappears into “visions” where she may or may not received snippets of the future from some supernatural entity) and Alex doesn’t develop feelings for Christine until years later. It’s the perfect definition of a slow burn romance that I’m still struggling with capturing perfectly. I think it comes across more as two committed friends who decide to live together then a romantic pairing, but maybe it’s the stronger for it? It’s one of the core relationships that drives the book, so I hope it works.

Heron Massie

An old, grumbling anthro crocodile who is aro-ace. He’s one of my rare aces who attempted to have a sexual relationship (with a Gargoyle) and it just didn’t work, so he walked away from it. Like Kingsley, he didn’t bother with his own sexual identity until much later in life and for the same reason: there’s a lot going on when you’re a rebel leader. Relationships often take a back burner. Heron is also an example of never really having to identity oneself until forced to. The fling with the Gargoyle is backstory, but I imagine she approached him first and he was like, “yeah, all right. Spoilerish thing happened and I’m exhausted. Let’s go for it” and then decided he did not like it.

Grigori Ignatenko

Finally, we have Grigori who is the MC of my short scifi story “Firebird”. It is published in Ezra Arndt’s upcoming anthology My Say In the Manner, which is currently on Goodreads and will be published next year.

Grigori is an aro-ace agender mercenary who was part of a terrible experiment as a child and has lots of trauma and trust issues (I’m sensing a theme here). He never knew what friendship was until he met Ruslan Yusupov, a doctor who took pity on Grigori and gave him a home when Grigori needed it most. Ruslan fell in love with him, but Grigori wasn’t able to replicate the same feelings and they developed a queerplatonic relationship with intense feelings for each other. Grigori attempts now and then to engage in “romantic” and “sexual” behavior expected between partners, but every time he tries it leads to a lot of discomfort. So they work together to find behavior and expressions of love that satisfies Ruslan’s needs and feel comfortable for Grigori. I haven’t fully decided yet, but Grigori may be borderline sex repulsed like myself.

In the short story, something happens to Grigori and he uses his memories of Ruslan and their friendship to center himself and create something new and powerful (with the help of a pissed off elemental spirit thing…) With Grigori, I explore how one’s agender identity can also affect one’s own sexual and romantic identity and spoilerish things happen which allows Grigori to finally feel comfortable gender wise that could potentially allow himself to open up more emotionally.

There are dozens more, but I think these characters are a good representation of how I explore aceness and different kind of relationships.

#ace week #queer writers #aroace #aroace writer #writing aroace characters #writing ace characters #aroace characters #queer relationships #writers on tumblr #my writing

[transkenobis]

okay. episode six thoughts.

EGWENE.

look. the only wot book i’ve read in full since 2018-2019 was the eye of the world. when i think of wot i tend to think more of late-series wot. coincidentally, while early-series wot shows you first hand how awful the seanchan are, late-series wot veers hard into apologia/“negotiating and making concessions for the greater good.” i forgot how hard the egwene povs in the great hunt were to get through. this episode reminded me. in graphic detail.

madeleine madden did a fucking fantastic job and i cannot wait to see her in later seasons as egwene grows and develops as a character. her scenes were so tough to watch. she deserves an award.

i do love how the show is portraying the seanchan. all of the suroth and renna scenes were deeply uncomfortable and upsetting, which is really how the seanchan ought to make viewers feel. (right, brandon sanderson? right?). using loial’s treesinging like a party trick. the flowy/frilly da’covale outfits. renna saying “oh, i’m nicer than other sul’dam, i want to be your friend” but trying to break egwene down. ugh.

there’s also something in here about “southern hospitality” and the us’s history of slavery and rj being from the south but it’s too late at night for me to get into that.

also, like, not to be matbrained, but the sheer delicacy/fanciness of the da’covale clothing makes me very afraid for the extended tylin-tuon plotline. i’m sure that if the show does it they’ll do it well (the show has already done a lot of course-correcting), so it’s not that kind of afraid, but more I Know What’s Coming afraid.

every time they mention The Seanchan Empress i get filled with a little bit more dread. god, i hope they handle tuon’s Everything well.

and siuan’s back!! finally!! i’m hoping they don’t sideline her in these last few episodes, because god knows they’ve done her dirty this season.

i really love ishamael and lanfear’s clothing. like, ishamael’s looks have been so faux-corporate, and i’m obsessed with lanfear’s leather and lace-up boots. it really does feel like an extended/future version of modern (first age?) fashion. i like what they’ve done with the age of legends’s aesthetic in general.

knowing which characters turn out to be darkfriends makes literally everything funnier.

if we must have gawyn and galad in the show. i need them to have the same vibes as barthanes. golden boys who are so so so punchable. sycophantic, even.

mat and min friendship truthers, we continue to lose. i’m hopeful that they’ll get to be friends again eventually.

ugh. mat telling rand he’ll come with him because he needs someone to keep him from becoming an arrogant prick. through the lens of wotshow i catch glimpses of hit amol chapter older, more weathered.

if i had a nickel for every time this season they’ve had a shot in a character’s dream or vision of mat lying dead with his left eye cut out, i would have two nickels. which isn’t a lot but it’s kind of weird that it’s happened twice. evil smile.

rand monologuing about how he thought him going away would protect people at mat, who is generally acknowledged as the king of the whole "being away from rand will protect me" line of reasoning. i have to laugh.

“if you love him, stay away” “[mat stays away]” i hate it when the wheel of time on amazon prime makes me feel nostalgic for the period of time where i was super invested in cauthor. like, circa 2018-2019. do you guys remember when there were only two fics and they were both from like 2013. there are now (i just checked) one hundred and sixty-one. it is such a shame i don’t ship them anymore because it’s genuinely kind of fun to have gay subtext in the gay actual-text show.

but also like. a true testament to the power of casting homoerotic besties as two white men. a loss for me (draws them both as men of color).

relatedly, i am so pleased that the top relationship tag for both the books and the show is siuaraine. quite possibly the only time i’ve ever seen a series that isn’t near-exclusively female characters (madoka magica, the locked tomb, etc.) have an f/f ship at the top. and they’re even canon… i cannot wait to see them next week.

what can i say about the wondergirls that has not already been said. i love nynaeve forever and ever. i love elayne being super into ter’angreal. i love that they both love egwene. i love that they bicker with each other. wondergirls 5ever.

also like… nynaeve getting to hang out with a yellow sister a little bit… delightful.

i’ve said this before but i’m trying to put everything in one place. i think ryma and basan’s actress and actor did an excellent job. but it’s really disappointing that the show continues to veer into anti-Blackness and colorism in its casting. it’s a pattern in both seasons and it isn’t good.

anyways. the wheel of time. i don’t think i have anything more to say right now.

#matt speaks #wot #wotshow #wot spoilers #wot book spoilers

[shititbe]

Anyway, Peter Parker is Bi, and I Won’t Be Convinced Otherwise.

Firstly, we have to get our bases covered. What exactly is Bi-sexuality? What is sexuality? 

Sexuality is defined as a persons identity in relation to gender(s) they are attracted to. Why is this important? Peter’s sexuality has never been specifically stated in the comics, nor in any other form of media. It’s assumed that he is straight because of his popular relationship with Mary Jane Watson in the comics, and the movies. 

Now that we have a bases for what exactly sexuality is and how it’s defined, let’s go over Peter’s partners. 

Obviously Peter and Mary Jane are a piece of comic book history. They eventually get married, though sadly, during the events of Civil War II (I think, don’t quote me) Peter and Mary Jane sell their marriage to Mephisto in order to save Aunt May

They later had their memories of their marriage restored, they have yet to get back together and it’s been a few issues if I remember correctly. Next we have Peter’s first, and most unfortunate love, Gwen Stacy. 

They dated in high school where she later died. Of course, Peter has dated other people (namely, Black Cat, Betty Brant, Carol Danvers, Anna Maria, Cindy Moon, Lian Tang, and so on). Since we have his known history of heterosexuality out there, we need to move onto another important part of Peter’s Bi-sexuality. An important implication in any media, especially queer media though, and that is the homoerotic subtext. 

Homoerotic subtext is important part of queer culture, a lot of the time it’s used to portray a characters queerness without saying it out (see: Dorian Gray by Oscar Wild or Great Gatsby By Fitz). In current decade, homoerotic subtext is often used for queer baiting or creating more realistic male friendships. 

So what’s the difference between someone creating a health male friendship (or a character comfortable in their heterosexuality) and implying a character is queer? 

Here are some examples of a healthy male character, both with himself and his friendships.  

Clearly he’s just taking the shit, and messing around with Reed. He’s comfortable enough (or as I like to see it, so traumatized because good god this guy has been Spider-Man since he was 15 good god that’s awful. He probably doesn’t care anymore). Here are some examples of Peter a little more than just a straight man shooting the shit. 

This has three meanings. Two of which I will take, one of which is just deeply embarrassing. Despite Peter’s history with humiliating events, I don’t think he would get his own spunk in his eyes. Leaving the other two options, he has experience getting spunk of - some kind - in his eyes, and/or he’s taking the shit again. Which is very likely. 

Kissing a cop? For....no reason? A little not so hetero of you Peter. 

You can practically hear his disappointment in his voice. Also could be read as taking the shit, but why would you. 

Making out with The Thing? Gay. 

This one is the most important. Peter is clearly tired, annoyed by his teammates (see wolverine being wolverine in the corner). Shits on fire, its mid battle, and Peter has the audacity to mutter “I hate men” to himself. The only people I have every heard say this in that was are lgbt and straight women, and lgbt men. This kind of expression only comes from people who date, or deal with men in a completely different world than straight men. Straight men use this phrase as an endearment, “Oh have you seen Bill today, I hate that guy.” “Man Jerry can do so many push-ups, I hate that guy.” Very different language, and implications (I also, obviously don’t know how straight men speak). 

 Now that we’ve gone over our bases, and homoerotic subtext. How else could we gather that Peter Parker is Bi? There are many tropes in media - queer media - that allure to a characters queerness. Like homoerotic subtext, there are ways to tell an audience something without specifically saying it. 

This is a gay wedding Peter went to in the recent comics. I don’t know if any of you have been to a gay wedding recently, but Peters face (the first panel above the wedding) is the same exact face I made at my first gay wedding. It’s the face of excitement for not only the couple, but for yourself. The hope that maybe, you too can actually be in a same-sex relationship. 

I’m also going to allure to queer tropes as stated previously. Such as the real, and fictional trope of lgbt people sticking together. Thousands of years of belittlement and oppression will make groups of people not want to wonder out, and subconsciously look for others like them. 

Johnny Storm (and Wade Wilson since he comes in later but I couldn’t find a picture of the confirmation) is cannon Bi-sexual (Pan-sexual). 

Their friendship is deeply homoerotic as most queer friendships in media and real life are. Johnny flirts with Peter on many occasions (saying his ideal women is a female version of Peter, inviting him over to watch is sex tape, and so on) and of course oh my god they were roommates. 

Some other popular queer tropes are: Found Family, Soulmates, and Enemies to lovers. Because it’s superhero related, this includes the Identity Porn tag as well.  

Peter Parker and Wade Wilson have a famous Love/Hate relationship. I mean, how could you expect anything less when your first meeting with this known mercenary is him throwing your civilian persona out the window of a car. Now, Wade still doesn’t know Peter is Spider-Man in the current run of comics, but that doesn’t make anything about them any less gay. 

For the Found Family Trope: 

Because it’s Peter and Wade, their whole development can be read as Enemies to Friends to Lovers, so I wont bother backing that up because, uh, it speaks for itself. One panel really does to add that cause though 

I’m not going to explain what a free-pass list is.

The Soulmates part I know I have to back up. 

For SoulMates:  

Now this panel requires a little explanation. Wade kills Peter, not knowing he’s Spider-Man. Weasel takes over for Peter (they don’t know its him) so no one suspects he’s dead. Deadpool begins to feel guilty he killed his best buds best bud, so he tries to bring Peter back to life. Losing his stunning good looks (switching back to how he looked before Weapon X making his wife Shiklah estranged (then she married Dracula but thats beside the point)). Spider-Man is Peter’s “true self” or patronus for Harry Potter fans. Wade is stupid and hasn’t connected the dots yet, effectively making him the biggest simp in history. Seriously, who destroys their marriage for the c h a n c e for getting some with their idol? A Simp, that’s who.

Peter forgives Wade for killing him (and for saving him from killing their genetic daughter itsy-bitsy). If someone killed me they better be hot as fuck before I even thing about forgiving them. Ignoring Peter’s super sexy forgiving nature, uh, he’s kinda simping. 

Died in each others arms. Nothing else is needed. 

They’re heartmates. From what I read, the feeling has to be mutual in order for it to work. The witches (long story, comics are hard to explain) that captured deadpool were expecting his wife so they could get the headmistress back. Instead, they got Peter. Basically Heartmates = soulmates but chosen for you instead of chosen by you. 

To conclude my point: 

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. 

#Peter Parker #Bi #Spider-Man #Deadpool #Johnny Strom #Mary Jane #He's bi and I wont be told other wise #thanks for coming to my ted talk #Bi-derman #bi wife energy #spideypool #spideytorch #he's gay but go off I guess marvel #aunt may #marvel #Fantastic Four #Reed Richards #The Thing #LGBT #Gwen Stacy #Anyways: the series

[btsandvmin]

Vmin and “The Untamed”

Remember my post about Vmin and The Notebook? Well this is something similar to that, except not as big but a lot gayer. The Untamed is a very popular Chinese drama and even though they can't be too explicit about it thanks to censorship in China, it's based on a very explitic BL novel, and they definitely tried to hint at the gay romance as much as they could in the drama. (Even so a lot of the general audience failed to see these non-platonic cues and simply saw them as very close friends.) Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are two very different people who end up being each other’s person, the one they stand by no matter what, despite not getting along at all when they first meet.

Let me just show the synopsis for you so you might get a clue on what it's about.

"The series follows the adventures of two soulmate cultivators who travel to solve a series of mysteries that link to a tragic event in the past. While the original web novel depicted an explicit romance between the two main male characters, the adaptation was censored with homoerotic subtexts instead due to China's ban of LGBT portrayals in films."

How gay their relationship is and how much they got away with when they made this drama is kind of facinating, but it’s also very sad to see it can't just be shown.

In general the drama just has a lot of relationships that are turned from explicitly romantic in the book into platonic ones.

Anyways, so how do I make this about Vmin? (Besides the obvious soulmate parallel.) I think those of you who have watched or read The Untamed can likely already see where I am going.

By the way, there are some small spoilers from The Untamed, but nothing major. 

Taehyung and Jimin are both fans of watching dramas (we’ve even seen them reference drama scenes between them like “perhaps I like you”), and while I don't know for sure it wouldn't surprise me if they have watched The Untamed. Considering it's popularity at the very least I would guess they have heard of it. The timing of when it aired in Korea also matches pretty well before the ON mv recording as it aired in Korea late 2019. This is interesting because of Taehyung's markings and styling for ON.

Especially the combination of the marks on the neck with the heavy chains made a lot of fans of both BTS and The Untamed think of a character from the drama named Wen Ning.

But not only that, Taehyung said he came up with it himself and requested for them to do it. So it's definitely something from Taehyung. 

On top of that he specifically said he looked forward to ARMY's theories about it. Meaning it seems like it does have a particular meaning that he wants fans to pick up on. I'm not the only one who thought of The Untamed as they saw Taehyung's vein tattoos on his neck. However, the markings are talked about as thorns, which matches the rather biblical theme of the other ON mv, so it really might just be that.

Still, The Untamed look was something that a lot of fans picked up on and talked about and I thought it was rather cute and fitting. It’s also possible that if Taehyung was curious about ARMY’s theories, he might have seen the talk about his similarities to the character Wen Ning from The Untamed. So while I don’t think the idea was for Taehyung to replicate The Untamed look, he might have come across it later, because quite a lot of fans commented on it.

Taehyung has also worn the same clothes as the actor who played Lan Wangji, but likely just taken from the same fashion show or could be from the stylist rather than Tae himself (we know similar outfits happen a lot between idols, and I expect this is the same).

In the drama there is a scene where Wuxian and Wangji talk about being life confidants, or as many interpret it, as them being soulmates. (Clip) 

Again, there are some different translations here, and honestly it seems the chinese word can’t (or shouldn’t?) be directly translated to soulmates, but I think in essence they still kind of are soulmates. (I also have no clue what possible translation they used for the word in the Korean subtitles.) Still, a lot of the fandom at the very least (and some of the translations) calls them soulmates.

They also have a song. Wangji wrote it for them, and it’s actually named after their combined name “Wangxian”. 

Towards the end of their honeymoon, Wei Wuxian plays the song for Lan Wangji. He then suggests almost ten names for the song, including "Love Song of Lan Zhan and Wei Ying," and "Everyday Song of Hanguang-Jun and the Yiling Patriarch." Lan Wangji then states that there is a name, "Wangxian." Wei Wuxian bursts into laughter, declaring it a wonderful name.[5]

I don’t think I have to tell you why having a song personal to them might make me think of Vmin... But just in case someone fails to see it, you have two very non platonic looking soulmates who have their own song that one of them wrote. Yeah, just gonna let you think about that for a moment.

But all of this is just fun and games, simply a lot of similarities... But there is that one moment that legit makes me wonder if Vmin have seen The Untamed, and even possibly references it together. It could be a coincidence of course, but the timing and the similarities just makes it impossible for me to let it go. And that moment is from when BTS were at the Pop up store in Seoul in october 2020.

The writing says:  Kim Taehyung was here.  Park Jimin was here too.

This happens in The Untamed. There is a scene where Wangji gets drunk and writes “Lan Wangji was here” on the wall. Wuxian then later also adds his name under it. “Wei Wuxian was also here” (Clip) (Translations may vary slightly but the sentiment is the same.) 

Funny enough this is also in a scene were Wangi gives Wuxian a chicken, which is one of those subtle gay hints, as this gift was usually used for proposals. Either way the words written in that scene are so similar to Vmin’s I got kind of stunned the first time I saw the Vmin moment.

In particular the fact that they used their full names, and not just Jimin and Taehyung, stands out a bit to me here.

If this is a direct reference to The Untamed, that's a pretty gay reference. And if it's a coincidence it just shows how Vmin being soulmates makes them act like such in all kinds of ways. Personally it wouldn't surprise me if it was a reference considering Taehyung's liking for LGBTQ+ things and dramas in combination with the way he mentioned the tattoo specifically. The Vmin part of it all is what really does it for me. Because two soulmates happening to write the same things as two other incredibly popular soulmates does seem like a rather big coincidence. Still, impossible for us to know... And once again it could just be me seeing things that aren’t really there. Even if it’s not actually made on purpose I still think the similarities makes it another cute example of Vmin being like on-screen couples.

But if it's intentional I'd dare say it's one of the most directly non straight references Vmin has done since their 2015 gay drama and 4 o'clock including a reference to a gay movie.

So, there is a story of two men meeting (one putting up a wall at first), going to school together and then learning to understand each other and to work together. Connected by the red string of fate despite being very different people (there is literally some references being made of them being tied together by a string). Having their own song written by one of them and living in a society where their relationship can't be allowed to look too "queer" so they have to settle for close friends and soulmates.

So which pair am I talking about again?  

Anyways... WangXian soulmates. Vmin soulmates.

Thank you all for reading. And please remember this is meant as more of a fun lighthearted post rather than a proper analysis. I hope you enjoyed it. :)

#vmin #the untamed #wangxian #wei wuxian #lan wangji #vmin drama couple #vmin on screen couple #vmin analysis #btsandvmin #vmin soulmates #Wangxian soulmates

[unlikely-course]

The tl;drs of this very long post, which is about Gideon’s arc and her relationship to Harrow:

-Gideon’s arc in gtn is a corruption arc because tlt is not just goth but Gothic

-Gideon “forgives” Harrow because of Trauma and that’s definitely not the endpoint of how she feels about Harrow or their past

-The narrative knows what it’s doing

When Gideon says “For the Ninth!” as she dies, and thinks “this is the loyalty they always said I lacked, this is me making good” that’s not growth, that’s part of the tragedy of the moment. Like, the Ninth does not deserve her allegiance! It is, as Gideon was the first to remind us, rotten to the core. When she dies, it’s for Harrow, and her saying it’s for the Ninth does represent on some level that she’s come to new understanding about who Harrow is and how Harrow views herself *as* the Ninth, but like this is, I mean. Bad. Harrow herself does not deserve Gideon’s loyalty! Gideon gives it to her because it is a relief. Gideon is very good, yes, but the forgiveness is a response to trauma. The second Harrow shows even the slightest vulnerability or regard for Gideon, Gideon is eager to make amends because she has been starved for any positive association to others for her entire life, and Harrow was literally the only peer she ever had to associate with. She correctly identified that resistance to Ninth society was vital to her survival and selfhood, but also that shit is exhausting. That resistance is also partially formed by that society conveying to her: we have no place for you, we have no use for you as you are, and that makes you hateful to us.

Her response to Harrow and the cavalier role then is pretty classic! It is a relief to have a place, to be able to stop fighting, to give herself over to a structure sold to her as one in which she can support and be supported, to resolve the central conflict and most complicated relationship of her life. I maintain that you the reader are also supposed to feel initially relieved and even cheered by Gideon and Harrow growing closer and then gradually unsettled when Gideon embraces cavalierhood and the increasingly invasive demands of the trials, and has her mindset adjusted in increments toward sacrifice. To feel her thoughts turn in this direction is alarming! This is purposeful, and it is purposefully mixed in with good feelings, the same good feelings that Gideon is getting, to distract from and inoculate you against what is happening just as Gideon is inoculated against it.

In addition, Canaan House is a very particular crucible. This is not only the first time that Gideon has ever been bombarded with new people and experiences, but also the first time she’s faced these unknown external threats, which pushes her to unite with the familiar (Harrow) against them. Her past and present environments have made it so that the compassion she comes to feel for Harrow gets bound up in the idea of being loyal to her house, the ‘contract’ of her new role, and the positive interaction it gives her until the idea of her offering her life to Harrow is not simply necessary in the moment but good and right. Redeeming, even, when we as readers know she has nothing she needs redemption for. 

Gideon is so very angry when she comes to in htn, and it is not merely anger at those who have wronged Harrow or anger at Harrow for endangering herself. On the First, she made a simple deal: her life for relief from the emotional state she had to live it in. Forgiveness for some kind of peace. And when she wakes up that exchange is refuted. Gideon frames Harrow’s actions as a rejection of herself out of low self-esteem but also in an attempt to deal with unresolved anger she has towards Harrow, anger that cannot fit into the cavalier role she wants to embody, anger that she attempted to trade away but in actuality can’t. Because the role she was sold, the type of relationship the cavalier and necro is supposed to be, is ultimately false. It encompasses very real and deep relationships, as we have seen, but the framework uses these real elements to its own ends, the Empire’s ends, and despite its proclamations of mutual care the relationship is always at the cavalier’s expense.

This is what it means to say Gideon’s arc in gtn is a corruption arc. It’s not that she becomes “bad,” it’s that the corrupting forces of the narrative have reached out and altered her, worn her down, seduced her even. This is Gideon’s first contact with the wider Empire, in the seat and seed of its wretched power, and it has used her goodness, her capacity for connection (and yes for forgiveness as well!) against her to further ensnare her, to draw her in line with itself. And then she dies for it, as it demands! Wow. And the we have the other side of that, which is when Gideon says “For the Ninth!” she’s signaling to Harrow that she has come to value what Harrow values, just as Harrow herself, watching in horror, has come to realize her values are very fucked up.

And Harrow has indeed realized that by that time! Harrow really does travel such a distance in gtn, but this is largely obscured from us just the same as plot details are in the book, by the limits of Gideon’s perception. And let me be clear: this is a feature, not a bug. It is not a weakness. It is vital! Integral! To the above, and all it entails for Gideon as a character and the overall themes of the series, that Gideon forgive Harrow without Harrow having “earned” it or made real amends. The fact that she does conveys to us everything I’ve just been talking about!

Furthermore, this story is in conversation with a rather particular type of Christianity, but Gideon’s Jesus parallels are even more widely applicable. Forgiveness is kind of a whole theme with that guy, and the book is also plenty interested in what it costs for a human to forgive as divinely as scripture demands (to forgive as the bond demands, as the empire demands). In some ways there are good things that may come of it, sure, but it is not a purely redemptive force for the giver or receiver. It does not necessarily resolve.

I myself can’t say that I ship Gideon and Harrow in the way people traditionally think of shipping, nor as I have traditionally shipped other characters. Still, I reject the notion that that way of relating to each other is not a central part of the questions the book is asking. Like before, when I was talking about Gideon finding something to believe in in the way the adept/cavalier bond is sold to her—although we see that bond encompass many different types of relationships it is in Gideon and Harrow’s case speaking to how romantic love (much like that forgiveness!) is not immediately and entirely redemptive. I mean, Muir does say the series is about how love can be redemptive, but I think can be is the operative phrase here, in that it’s also first demonstrating the ways it’s not, or at least not always the way we think it will be--the limits and then the power. Trying to set that aspect of the relationship aside (like a “sisters” route or something similar) is a weak and queasy side-stepping of the issue.

Remember that interview where Muir says something along the lines of like, she didn’t write it as necessarily romantic but definitely homoerotic? Yeah. 

Despite all that I do want to make it clear that I hope Gideon and Harrow work it out in the end. Just don’t assume the narrative does not understand what working it out might entail. And who knows? I might have the read all wrong. Maybe Muir doesn’t understand what she’s doing. But I feel pretty compelled by the textual evidence.

#gideon the ninth #gideon nav #the locked tomb #gideon the ninth spoilers #harrow the ninth spoilers

[vonderbarr]

can you tell us more about your midnight cowboy essay?

Sure! I wrote it over 10 years ago and I can't lay my hands on it, but I’ll talk about it a little. For the paper we were supposed to compare a piece of media and its adaptation. It might have been for a History of Film class. There are a lot of differences between the book and the movie, but most of the changes made were to simplify and streamline the story. It's really a great book to movie adaptation. Obviously big spoiler alerts if you haven't seen Midnight Cowboy.

The first thing that came up was the main characters hair colors. In the book their hair colors are actually switched making Ratso Rizzo a blond and Joe Buck a brunet. That's pretty unimportant in the grand scheme, of course, but it's the first thing I noticed. After seeing the movie it was tough to picture Ratso as a blond.

Joe Buck's back story is really streamlined in the movie, but the emotional beats are all there. The book goes a lot into Joe's childhood being raised by a series of blondes, eventually ending up with his grandmother who gets taken out by a lot of younger cowboys who Joe grows up idolizing. His mother also went on a lot of dates with cowboys and it’s suggested that she was a sex worker.

The movie combines two traumatic incidents in Joe's life into one series of flashbacks. In the movie a teenaged Joe is caught with a girl in the backseat of his car and they are both gangraped by a group of men. The viewer learns this via a series of disturbing images and barely there scenes that spells out the situation as clearly and artfully as a 60s film can and, honestly, still hold up pretty well today.

In the book the girl is used by teenagers and young men, they literally line up each night to have a turn. Joe is the only one she has ever enjoyed having sex with and they start up a secret relationship, but her father finds out and has her committed. Later, Joe is living with a male hustler who he finds attractive in a conflicted way. It's been a long time since I've read the book, but at some point Joe is raped by him and, I think, another man. Again, the scene kind of fades out to the point that I can't remember if they drugged Joe before or not. It’s still clear what happens, though.

Ratso's backstory, however, is completely different. In the movie the pair visit Ratso's father's grave and he tells a story about how his father was a shoeshiner. It gave his father back pain and after he died they couldn't get the boot black out from under his nails so they had to bury him in gloves. It's a poignant scene and one I really like, and it's a good, short background that explains why Ratso tries so hard to get ahead and refuses to do work that he feels is beneath him.

In the book, though, Ratso gets lost among the many kids in the Rizzo household. Ratso was born with a club foot and was ignored by his parents to the point that he almost died of pneumonia because no one noticed he was ill. There’s a line about finding him curled up under the stove nearly dead. Every week Ratso’s father would take the family out to eat and they took up the biggest table in the place and his father was so proud of his gigantic family. Slowly all of Ratso’s siblings and his mother either die or leave until it’s just Ratso and his father sitting at a shitty two-top by the kitchen every week. At this point Ratso is his father’s favorite by default, but all his father does is feel sorry for himself instead of trying to have a relationship with his only remaining child.

It could have been done, but I can understand why they cut Ratso’s backstory considering the movie focuses mostly on Joe. Even though the book is from Joe’s pov, Ratso’s childhood takes an entire chapter and I think it would do it a disservice to reduce it to flashbacks. It might also be confusing since all the flashbacks in the story are from Joe, while the only flash-forward fantasy is from Ratso. This makes Joe a reflection of his past and Ratso the forward thinker and planner.

Both the book and movie show Joe’s arc from an idealistic young man who needs to be saved or taken care of to an adult who’s willing to take care of others. The book especially does a good job of this. The relationship between Joe and Ratso in the movie is more homoerotic than in the book. This is partially because near the end of the book as Ratso becomes more helpless and their roles switch, Joe starts to think that he’ll get married to a girl and Ratso will be like their child. In the movie there’s no inner monologue to clarify Joe’s feelings towards Ratso. On set, both Jon Voight and Dustin Hoffman picked up on the homoerotic subtext in the script and may have played it up. There was an article I read where Dustin Hoffman was talking about how the characters should have been sharing a bed, for example.

This is getting away from me, but I do want to mention a scene that I think was perfectly transferred from book to movie. Joe gets invited to a party by this hippy, Andy Warhol-esque couple and there’s a scene on the stoop in front of the building. Ratso is getting sicker and he’s sweating and most likely feverish, but Joe is super excited to go to this party. On the stoop Ratso gets really self-conscious about how sweaty he is and his general appearance and Joe comforts him. He untucks his shirt and uses it to wipe Ratso’s face and fix him up and Ratso just kind of holds him and leans up against him. It’s exactly like the book and is a great example of adapting a scene from book to film.

Like I said, it’s been about 10 years since I read the book and wrote the essay and a few years since I’ve seen the movie so bear with me on my memory here. The essay was, I think, 5 to 10 pages and I have no idea where it might be, but this is just a little bit of overview/what I remember.

Fun Facts! Dustin Hoffman put rocks in his shoes to get Ratso’s limp right and in one take coughed so forcefully that he vomited on Jon Voight’s shoes. They obviously didn’t use the take, but it’s the scene where they’re crossing a bridge in profile.

I think most people know that “I’m walkin’ here!” is an adlib because they didn’t have money to shut down the street for filming and that taxi really almost hit Hoffman. I think most people don’t know that the suit he’s wearing was found in a dumpster by the costume designer.

#i've surely misremembered things #and no one asked for this to be so long #the essay was way more eloquent i'm sure #midnight cowboy #god i love midnight cowboy #vonder writes #long post #asks #i realize i've written an essay about an essay

[sendme-2hell]

Ranking the Hugo 2021 Nominations for Best Novel by How Gay They Are

I did this with the 2020 nominations because they were overwhelmingly sapphic, but now that I’ve read the 2021 nominations I think these are even more queer than 2020! The ratings are based on how queer they books are not how much I liked them.

6. The Relentless Moon - Mary Robinette Lowell

Rating: 4/10

Explanation: The way this author writes feels unbearably straight (and white) to me. She definitely makes an attempt to have a diverse cast of characters but is not very good at it so it ends up feeling more like a bunch of stereotypes than actually interesting characters. There is a sapphic relationship that is briefly hinted at in this book. A woman named Wafiyyah says she wants to use her one phone call (they are on the moon) to talk to her female lab partner. The main character speculates that she is probably in a relationship with this woman. Wafiyyah is mentioned a total of 12 times in the whole 500 page book and has about five lines of dialogue. But I won’t forget Wafiyyah and her lab partner. Giving points for her and then points for being on the moon because space is gay.

5. Piranesi - Susanna Clarke

Rating: 7/10

Explanation: Well, you can’t have a book about an academic cult without at least one of them being gay. This is a misleading description of what Piranesi is actually about, but idk...something about academia, people obsessed with the classics, greek aesthetics, and being gay. There is definitely homoerotic vibes going on through the whole book as well as mentions that that one character is, “picking up men,” and was “gay before it was legal,” and uh...maybe doing some other things. It’s unclear to me. 

*Okay to be honest the next three books on this list are all pretty equally queer. They all have multiple queer characters and are pretty diverse in other ways too. So I ranked them arbitrarily.

4. Network Effect - Martha Wells 

Rating: 8/10

Explanation: The thing that is great about the Murderbot books is that queerness is very normalized. There are multiple queer relationships that are just mentioned in passing, and if I remember correctly (all the murderbot books are one big book in my mind), there is a wlw couple that features prominently. There are also a few nonbinary characters including the main character. Polyamorous relationships as well. I would like to live in Preservation, please. 

3. The City We Became - N.K. Jemisin 

Rating: 8/10

Explanation: You know what I was saying about how Mary Robinette Lowell clearly tried to make The Relentless Moon diverse and didn't do it satisfactorily. Well, N.K. Jemisin said “hold my beer.” When writing characters meant to embody the boroughs of New York, she made sure that the people would all be different ethnicities, genders, and sexual identities. Since, ya know, New York is pretty diverse. She did an incredible job of writing maybe the most diverse book I have ever read (what does that say about me? What does that say about the publishing industry?). There are lots of queer characters in these books including gay, bi, lesbian, and trans characters. Although their identities are not central to the plot so far, I think that a mlm relationship will become very important in the later books in this series. Okay it’s not really fair to say they aren’t central to the plot since I’m sure they are part of her central metaphor or something. 

2. Black Sun - Rebecca Roanhorse

Rating: 8/10

Explanation: Like the two last books, Black Sun is diverse in many ways. Queerness is not quite normalized in the pre-columbian americas inspired fantasy world of Black Sun, since Xalia, the bisexual sea captain was sent to jail for sleeping with a woman. That being said, it seems that some cultures are cooler with it than others in this world, and non-binary and trans people are accepted. Queer relationships and identities are sprinkled throughout the book. Also this book is just great! I highly recommend it. Might be my favorite on this list were it not for my Locked Tomb brainrot. 

1. Harrow the Ninth - Tamsyn Muir 

Rating: 10/10

Explanation: Harrow the Ninth has many notable queer characters such as: the main character, the main character’s evil roommate, the main character’s dead ex-frenemy, a sword, a woman possessing another character (a few of these actually), God, and more! This is just a very queer book. It gave us classic lines such as, “gall on gal,” and “Ianthe had walked away from you, all split lips and gay loneliness” which was weirdly relatable. Plus I’m gonna say 1.5 gay sex scenes (argue with me about this). 

Other Notes (Continue reading for some random thoughts on these books, my actual ranking of them in terms of how much I like them, and a comparison of Griddlehark to Mahit/Three Seagrass): 

*I would say this is a better list than the 2020 nominations where there were a few books I straight up hated. I liked all of these books, even Relentless Moon.

*I would rank the books in terms of how much I liked them: Harrow the Ninth > Network Effect > Black Sun > Piranesi > The City We Became > The Relentless Moon 

*I think it’s funny that “Black Sun” and “The Relentless Moon” were both nominated. Sun vs moon. Don’t make them fight, they are dating! 

*The City We Became was great but the ending was umm...very abrupt...N.K. Jemisin wrote the Broken Earth Trilogy so she can do whatever she wants, but yeah I have to complain about the rushed ending. Black Sun also had an abrupt ending. I guess they are setting up for the sequels. Vs Relentless Moon, Network Effect, and HTN which are just building off of the other books in the series so they don’t have to do as much set up. Oh wait, Tamsyn Muir didn’t do that much worldbuilding in GTN and therefore made me sit through pages about the difference between thanergy and thalergy that made me feel like I was in 11th grade biology class trying to take notes.

*The television show, For All Mankind has a similar premise to The Relentless Moon but actually has a few queer characters including a woman I am in love with. Seriously, more people should watch that show! 

*HTN and Piranesi are both books where you have no idea what the fuck is going on in them for ½ of the book and even when you finish you are left with a lot of questions + they both have unreliable narrators

***spoilers for A Desolation Called Peace and Harrow the Ninth (and amce + gtn): 

When I ranked the 2020 Hugo nominations I ranked A Memory Called Empire above Gideon the Ninth because Mahit and Three Seagrass kissed and I was salty that Gideon and Harrow didn’t (ok they kindaa did. sue me). Anyway, in Desolation Called Peace Mahit and Three Seagrass actually had sex, so in that they are still beating griddlehark. Though to be fair, they never shared a body sooooo... Griddlehark is winning there. Thankfully I didn’t have to compare Teixcalaan and tlt in this list because I don’t know which I would choose this time.

#my rankings #if I get terminology wrong I am sorry I am doing my best #the relentless moon #piranesi #network effect #the city we became #black sun #harrow the ninth #I don't know if anyone will read this but I need to get my thoughts together lmao #2021 hugo nominations #books #tlt #adcp

[intergalactic-garbage]

things i would’ve loved to see in hoo:

- trans dude frank

- more homoerotic interactions between reyna and annabeth (think about it - both children of the war goddesses of their respective pantheons, their wits the sharpest of their camps; then cj is attacked by possesed leo and reyna thinks annabeth, whom she trusted and came to care for in those few moments they shared, betrayed her)

- jason “raised by wolves” grace - dude straight up lived with lupa’s pack for YEARS and got raised by them during his formative years (when going on how normal human memories, he wouldn’t have even remembered his mother - his earliest memories would have been of lupa), and yet we never see him tearing at a steak with his face? he’s never tapping his foot, wanting to scratch an itch with it? this would’ve been perfectly in line with riordan’s humor, he missed an opportunity

- rachel elizabeth dare and grover playing an actual role in the plot, not just being seen in that one scene in hoh. the different povs in chapers should’ve been played around with more - give us a pov of someone from the camps, or rachel/grover - the seven were only one part of the many moving elements in the plot and the dream sequences hardly made up for it

- romance being either tied directly into the plot like in pjo or eliminated completely; not seen as a plot device (eg. reyna considering getting involved with octavian when confronted with the possibility of him becoming praetor)

- a villain who’s more than literally just “ehehe i am earth. am bad. want to kill you. no i don’t have a particular reason”. pjo had luke which was so good because he spent the first book establishing how nice he is, how he’s an older brother to everyone at camp, how eager he’s to show you the ropes and young me knew he was going to turn but i had such a hard time believing it. the rest of the books don’t make things any easier because luke is plotting this horrible thing, but is it really horrible? until today people are fighting about whether he was right or not. and they have to stop him but he used to be their friend. they used to care about each other so much and that care doesn’t just go away when he betrays them. so they’re faced with one impossible choice and they know what they have to do but can they? anyways hoo wishes it was half as complex as pjo

- the leo/sammy doppleganger situation should have been expanded upon more beyond the exuse for the leo/hazel/frank love triangle. no i don’t know how. but it just makes it look like rick put it in there for funsies and never did anything with it. my mind keeps going back to a time travel plot but i know this is the riordanverse and We Don’t Do That Here

- octavian being more than “i created this character so fans could have someone to hate”

- the author not feeling so needed to write a blockbuster epic story like the avengers or whatever was in cinemas at that time. it was supposed to be a continuation of pjo, but instead of expanding upon the characters we had met in it, we barely saw any of them, they were forgotten, only the few main were placed in the spotlight, along with a bunch of new characters we’d never seen before. the focus was on the seven and a few other characters

- “the gods decided to not interact with mortals” was a stupid decision, especially considering the ending of tlo. percy asked the gods to be more present in their children’s lives, they, albeit reluctantly, accepted. and the next time we see them they remove themselves from their lives. the central conflict of the previous series had arised because nobody knew of the gods, what they were up to. there was no lexicon of rules, they just had to wait; and they grew tired of it. the gods should have been visiting them, awkwardly integrating themselves in their lives, not the exact opposite. not setting up for another demigod uprising

- i know this is just wishful thinking but. there should’ve been more of the riordanverse. yes i know there were already a bajilion other plot lines and we had the romans introduced but. i would’ve been fine with even just a little nod. or a character from a different pantheon appearing. this is all in the same universe as the huge chaos snake and the other, world snake and i just think it should’ve been expanded upon more

- frank’s firewood should have had. a role. you set up your character to be “the most powerful” of the seven, all extremely powerful protagonists, and then decide to ignore him for the last book and a half?

- by far one of the things that irritated me the most was how everyone survived. this was supposed to be a sequel series to a children’s series that had one of the main characters stab himself after realizing that this was the right thing to do. a daughter of the goddess of beauty got acid spit in her face. tlo is my favourite of the pjo books because it’s the climax, and it lays it down as it is - not as some heroic fight scene of good vs. evil, but people, being people. making choices for the ones they love and making mistakes because they don’t know what’s right. in boo, there’s an attempt at this “great last battle”, but if anything, this was undermined by the fact that nobody died. (i did like how leo coming back was framed, even if i’m not a terrible fan of caleo, nico feeling leo’s spirit alive, leo having a “surprise” chapter at the end.. goosebumps man) (though i suppose jason could’ve died right there and there. “to storm or fire” and everything)

- more hazel/nico getting confused by modern technology - i just think it would’ve been funny to see hazel hear about some event that happened between the 30s and present day and be like “you said what-” it’s good humor and also characterbuilding

- however, if we’re so horribly set on having romantic relationships, valdangelo is right there. nico can’t face his queerness. leo understands machines better than people. they both carry an immense sadness within, but it made them totally different people. and the dynamic? everything you could’ve wanted

#the heroes of olympus #hoo #frank zhang #trans!frank zhang #reynabeth #annabeth chase #reyna avila ramirez arellano #jason grace #rachel elizabeth dare #lupa #grover underwood #luke castellan #leo valdez #leonidas valdez #sammy valdez #octavian #hazel levesque #nico di angelo #valdangelo #long post #my thoughts on reynabeth are basically it should've been #you can have a little queerbait #as a treat #also like yes i headcanon half the crew as aspec #but yes reyna queerbait is IT #riordanverse

[modecaisnow]

The Immobile Man

**18 Years or Older: The following includes themes of: immobility, XSSBHM, unrealistic situations, and homoerotic self-pleasure. REMEMBER: The relationship portrayed in this story is an unrealistic caretaker-client relationship – it is okay to read and enjoy these works of fiction, but what is essentially a “boss-worker” relationship should not take place in the real world. ENJOY!!**

Sam is a new Home-Care nurse. He is excited and anxious about meeting his first ever client! However, he quickly realized he may have bitten off more than he could chew...

It was my first day as a home-care nurse. I was excited to get out in the world and help people, but I didn’t know what was in store for me. My professors and Clinical Instructors always said that “your first patient will be one you never forget.” The thought of that was just as exciting as it was worrying. This must be the place, I thought to myself as I stood outside of a single-floor home. The outside of the house was not well-kept. The yard was a mess, and the siding was covered in green moss. I double-checked the address on my patient files and then triple-checked just to be sure. After a deep breath, I approached the house and walked up the two, small cement steps. On the door, was a sign saying: “All packages: Please go around to side window and drop it in window. Thanks.” I didn’t think much of it – in fact, things like this were expected for clients like this one. According to the file, the patient was Mr. Mike Jacobs. He had “limited mobility” and required a “high level of assistance with all activities of daily living” and “activity monitoring.” I was not told much more than that – I was only told the information I needed to know. How he got hurt, or whatever rendered him with limited mobility, was not part of the information I needed. I knocked on the door. -Silence- I knocked a second time. -Silence- I knocked a third time. “Yeah… who’s there?” Called a thick, deep voice from inside. I slowly opened the door, after the baritone voice called from deep within the house. “My name is Sam, and I’m a Home Health Nurse. I’m here to help Mr. Jacobs…” “That’s…me!” The man coughed. “Come in! I’m in… the bedroom here!” I slowly opened the front door. Immediately, I was met with a musky, damp smell. I covered my nose at first, but then stopped as I felt it was unprofessional. After regaining my composure, I slowly walked through the house and toward the bedroom. The carpet itself was torn and stained, small wheel treads were indented into the carpet, all leading from the couch to the kitchen. The entire house looked like it was on the TV Show “Hoarders.” Old boxes and bags cluttered the rooms in large heaps. The furniture was snapped and broken. Everything was covered in dust – even the appliances in the kitchen. The heaps of trash managed to pile almost as tall as me, but at 5’6” (167cm) I was not terribly tall anyway. Inside the kitchen, was a broken-down mobility scooter. The wheels had all burst, and the seat was crushed and flattened like a pancake. “I’m in here… come in, boy!” The man wheezed. I slowly opened the door and my jaw dropped. In the middle of the room were two, full-sized beds resting side-by-side, connected by a plank of wood in the front that was nailed into the bed frames. The legs of the bed frames were reinforced and wooden blocks, as well as books, were shoved up under the sagging frame to help add extra support. The mattresses on the frames were both flattened until they were no thicker than a pillow, both overwhelmed by the mound of blob-like lard on the bed. Next to the blob was a rolling cart with one pizza box on top – a plethora of empty boxes was scattered along the floor. “I’m Mr. Jacobs… you can call me… by that… or by ‘Sir’… either is fine.” The man was immense. I was surprised he even managed to muster the energy to speak between mouthfuls. This man was not human – his size was not physically possible. In fact, I had to rub my eyes just to be sure, and I looked around for hidden cameras to see if I was on a prank show or if this were a test. This man was easily over 1000 pounds, or maybe even 1400 or more pounds. Either way, it was a sight to see – he must have been the fattest man around, or even alive. Wobbling dangerously close to the end of the bed was the blob’s belly. Flabby, doughy piles of flesh spilled outward and sagged down from his front. The looming mass of blubber covered most of the mattresses beneath the tub of lard. At the front of Mr. Jacobs’ belly was a deep belly button, which must have been out of his reach for a long time. The cavernous belly button marked the division between two vast, distended folds of pure fat that sat atop each other. The bottom fold, which forced the mattress to sink downward, spilled all around the fat man’s frame, where it rounded his sides and became a series of substantial love-handles that oozed over his gelatinous, mammoth thighs. I could not distinguish the different segments of the obese glutton’s legs. It was just a series of rolls and folds piled against each other. Every roll sagged down towards his fat feet, where the lard oozed around his long-lost ankles. The fat from his thighs blended in with his massive rear, which spilled out far behind him. Two gigantic globes of ass fat smothered multiple pillows that were placed at the head of the bed. Even while standing in front of the blob, I could make out his wide load of a rear. My eyes were drawn back to his belly button. It looked deep and was starting to become hidden away by the looming roll of flesh that swelled over it. At the crest of the blob’s belly, were two massive moobs. These moobs splayed off to the sides of the man’s belly with two nipples that were easily the circumference of my hands. The bottom half of his fattened areolas had started to become hidden as his own expanding chest fat forced them to point downward. Neck, shoulder, and upper arm fat all blended into what seemed like one massive, sagging mound of dough. The only distinction was the pillow-sized forearms that emerged from his flab-engulfed upper arm. Due to the daunting magnitude of the fat mounds that sagged off of his side, Mr. Jacobs’ arms were stuck almost parallel to the ground. However, it just seemed to make it easier for him to eat since he only needed to grab another slice of pizza and bend his elbow. Everything about this man was fat. Similarly to how he did not have a discernable neck or ankle, this man’s wrist was also engulfed in lard by his own gluttony. The seemingly most mobile part of him was his fingers. The cheeks on both sides of his face were swollen to the point where they started to impinge on his field of view. “I-I-I’m…um…” I stuttered as I continued to ogle the blob. “Surprised?” The man interjected as he swallowed the last slice. “You’re surprised to see me… ain’t ya?” He grabbed the empty pizza box and shoved it off the rolling cart. It fell to the ground with the rest of the empty garbage that fell victim to his ravenous feeding. “Um.. no… well… I meant to say, I’m Sam. I’m your new nurse.” “Fuckin’ finally!” The man wheezed and panted. His massive moobs heaved up and down with each labored breath. “I have a ton... of shit for… you to do… I’m too big to… do things on my own…” “Yes, sir! That’s why I’m here.” Mr. Jacobs quickly got me to work. He rattled off a long list of things, but before I could do anything though, I had to take a baseline of his vitals. When I took out the blood pressure cuff, Mr. Jacobs laughed at me. He pointed to his arm and laughed some more. There was no way that the cuff could fit around his arm. I then approached him and asked for his wrist, so I could measure his pulse. That did not work either. The gluttonous blob relaxed, and the immense heaviness of his arm alone was too heavy for me to hold. I tried to dig my fingers into the fat that engulfed his wrist, but I could not find a pulse. As I dove my fingers deeper and deeper into his fat arm, I was met with only more lard. I then attempted to maneuver to his neck, but I couldn’t find it. I leaned against the side of his belly, and slid my fingers between his chins and tried to find a pulse in his neck, but like his wrist – there was way too much blubber. “So… what are…my vitals, boy?” “I-I- um…” The fat man laughed, “Couldn’t do it… could ya? Don’t worry… it ain't the first time... The other nurses… failed too… You’re lucky ya cute… I gave… other nurses a harder time… How bout you… get to doing… what I ask ya?” Mr. Jacobs had me running around the entire house doing work for hours. I first needed to remove all the garbage from his room. I picked up dozens and dozens of empty pizza boxes, heaps of fast food bags, and even threw away old, torn clothing that fit him a few hundred pounds ago. Afterward, I did the same through the rest of the house. Once finished, he then asked me to add some extra support to his bedframes. I grabbed bricks from outside of the house and piled them beneath the buckling frame. I even grabbed extra wooden planks and hammered them into the sides of the bed frame, which was starting to crack and snap. Once a few more boards of plywood were added to the sides, as well as underneath, the frame seemed a lot sturdier. Mr. Jacobs scoffed at my work without even saying a thank you. He then asked for me to rub his belly for him – he was far too full and tired. Besides, the lack of mobility combined with his impinged range of motion stopped the obese man from even being able to reach his belly button. The man had eaten until he was beached under all his lard and stuck on his own bed in a reclined position. “Sir, I’m not sure if that’s part of my job-“ “-I don’t… give a fuck… I’ll pay extra… just rub me, boy!” I pulled over a chair, one of the few that were not broken, and set it down near his side. I leaned over his fat thigh and started to caress his weighty love-handle. Despite being in a haze from his belly-bursting fullness, Mr. Jacobs reached lazily under his moob and took out his phone. He quickly started typing away, with his mouth hung open as he moaned from my rubbing him. I rubbed in clockwise circles – this was the best way to help with digesting food. The immobile, beached whale of a blob continued to type and type on his phone. He then reached back under his doughy moob and pulled out his wallet. His fat fingers lazily fumbled for his credit card, which he eventually managed to pull out. He rested his credit card on top of his chest as if it were a desk. “What are you doing, Sir?” “What... do you think? I’m buying… more food… It’s almost dinner time… you want… anything from… Chan’s, boy?” “Sir, I don’t think you should be eating. I’m here to get you active again. You should be ordering something light, with low calories-“ “I’mma stop you there,” The looming mountain range of lard lazily reached his fat hand down and grabbed the collar of my shirt. He pulled me in close, nearly forcing me onto my feet and pulling me in against his love handles. My face was centimeters from his fat nipple. “You are here… to feed me… to do as I say… to rub me… You ain’t changing… anything about me… Those other nurses… tried and failed… I’m meant to be like this… I’m a real fuckin’ man… Back in the day… weight was a sign… of power and wealth… Hate to break it to ya, boy… but you’ll never stop me… from eating…” With each lethargic wheeze and every baritone murmur, the sea of lard that I was being pulled up to rippled and wobbled. The bed groaned and popped loudly. I could hear some of the wooden planks start to splinter as I was now leaning against the already weakening bed frame. I just looked up at the swollen fat face that glared down at me. Mr. Jacobs let go of my shirt, and I peeled away from his gelatinous flesh. After the incident, I decided to just keep rubbing his belly. Mr. Jacobs huffed and puffed angrily as he completed his order. He commented that I would only be able to eat the left-over scraps if I behaved. I did not want him to contact my supervisor – this was my first real client and something was interesting about him – this huge, mountainous tub of lard. Under my fingers and palms was a sea of soft lard. The blubber only seemed to wobble and slosh as my hands gently caressed its canvas. My eyes gazed across the landscape of fleshy tones in front of me. The size. The vastness. The weight of it all. It started to feel…hot. I could feel my mouth water as I continued to gawk at the obese glutton – the man who ate himself into immobility. The man who beached himself on his bed after years of stuffing himself until his belly was about to burst. -DING-DONG- The ringing doorbell knocked me from my euphoria. I looked up at Mr. Jacobs and he took his fat hand and shoved me away. He wheezed and demanded I answer the door, and I did as he asked. At the door were three delivery boys, each carrying about 5 bags of Chinese food in each hand. I had them put the bags on the ground, and I brought them in for Mr. Jacobs. He had me empty the bags and place the cartons and boxes of food on the rolling cart next to him. There was more than enough food to feed over 20 adults. I pulled out dozens of boxes of white rice, several trays of lo mein, a large container packed with sauce packets, and over a dozen containers of sauce drenched General Tsao’s Chicken. This was only from the first few bags. As fast as I was pulling them out, Mr. Jacobs was ripping into them. He tossed the silverware and chopsticks aside. All he did was bring the containers up to his face and dump the contents into his fat mouth. I watched in awe as the gluttonous beast ate and ate. It was as if he had never eaten before in his life. “Jack me off… while I eat…” The obese glutton commanded. “What? I really don’t think I can-“ “-You’re job boy… is to…mmmfff… help me… with my… needs, right?” “…yes, sir…” “Don’t keep… me waiting!” He immediately returned to stuffing himself. I walked over to the front of his vast belly. Bits of rice and chicken fell down from his mouth and rolled down the large sloping gut. I started to slide my hand under the front of his stomach, reaching deeper and deeper inside. The warmth of his soft, ravenous belly smothered my hand under its vast weight. Next, my wrist slid underneath. Then my forearm. Then my elbow. Finally, my upper arm slipped under his gut, and still, I did not feel any signs of a fat pad nor dick. Mr. Jacobs leaned forward. The weight of his belly felt increasingly heavy and pinned my arm against the bed. Mounds of looming belly fat rolled forward, spilling against the side of my head as I was stuck in place. He looked down at me from atop his mountain range of blubber and scoffed. With a mouth filled with fattening, greasy slop, he commented, “Ya never… jacked off… a man like me have ya?” I shook my head. “Well… ya can’t… reach it… like that… gotta go in… from the side… less fat in… the way…” He leaned back and panted heavily. I felt his heavy gut ease off of my arm. I slid it out and walked back over to his side. I leaned over his fat, immobile leg. My tight torso sinking into his blubbery thigh. I reached my hand deep underneath his love handle. This time, I was able to trace my fingers along the mounds of fat of his thigh right up to where it met his fat pad. My boney fingers felt the hairs on his fupa. I walked my fingers down, feeling a crevasse form in the supple, warm sack of lard. I slid my hand inside the cleft. My entire arm was submerged under the landscape of pure blubber. Mr. Jacobs moaned softly and continued to stuff his face. The hole was not tight by any means, but it was warm and soft. My fingers alone caused tiny ripples throughout the fat pad. Once I was wrist-deep in his fupa, my hands felt something hard and wet. I wrapped my fingers around it and started to gently play with it. I looked up at the obese glutton and he laughed. That was not his dick. I pulled my arm out, and inside my hand was a small vibrator. It was covered in partially dried cum and covered in hairs. Mr. Jacobs chuckled and mentioned that right before he got too fat to touch himself, he stuffed a vibrator in his fat pad. That way he could wirelessly turn it on to use it, but it had run out of batteries. He finished by saying he completely forgot it was there, a few hundred pounds later. I left the device aside and reached back in. My head was pressing into his love handle as I was shoulder deep under his fat. The heavy lard sloshed and rippled against me. I could feel his fat churning and his fupa trembling as his cock and balls prepared for my fingers. As my fingers snaked into the warm, hairy cave, whose walls were drenched in some viscous cream, I felt the tip of a fat-engulfed cock. Mr. Jacobs trembled and moaned loudly with a mouthful of food. His tip nearly surged with life as I touched and played with it. I clutched onto whatever I could. The mounds of fat consumed my hand as I adjusted inside the cavernous fat pad. Mr. Jacobs continued to eat and grunt loudly. I could hear the slurping and squelching of the moist fupa as I started to jack off the obese glutton. -SCHLURP-SCHLURP-SCHLURP-SCHLURP- The moans came out louder and louder as I continued to play with the fat man’s dick. Mr. Jacobs even stopped stuffing his face to tilt his head back and moan with pleasure. The bed began to groan, and the legs started to snap as the immobile ocean of fat started to use all of his energy to hump my closed fist. I held my hand still, with my fingers tightly holding his dick, and let him rock his hips back and forth as much as he physically could. Beads of sweat started to trickle down his love handles and land on the back of my head. His tiny, fat-engulfed dick slid in and out of my fingers as I continued to clench tightly. With one last, powerful thrust, I felt his entire body surge and the tip of his meat twitch. A final smack from the side of his immense landscape of fat hit the back of my head. -SNAP-SNAP-TTTHHHUUUDDDD- The bedframe snapped to pieces. We collapsed to the ground. The back of my head was struck by a tsunami of lard and blubber. Mr. Jacobs just moaned loudly as his balls emptied into his fupa, lubricating my fingers. I slowly pulled out my fingers and they were covered in seed. I walked into the bathroom to clean off my hand, then returned with a towel to begin cleaning him off. Mr. Jacobs started to eat again, stuffing his face with more and more Chinese food. He dumped containers of rice and tilted platters of chicken towards his open mouth. I barely even noticed him chewing – as if he just swallowed it all whole. The obese man, immobilized by an ocean of flab, spent the rest of the night either eating food or commanding me to cook for him. Before it was time for me to leave, I did one last clean up around his house and dragged the broken-down mobility chair into his room. “Would you like me to try and get you a new chair, Sir?” He lazily looked up from stuffing himself, “Hmm… no… don’t bother… Too puny… I’m too heavy…” “I can try to find a larger one…” “No… better off… putting wheels on… a bed, boy…” I shrugged my shoulders and turned around. Before I could take a step, I heard an ominous creak from the floorboards and Mr. Jacob grunting loudly. Soon after, I felt a fat hand cup my rear-end and squeeze firmly. The obese glutton moaned softly and licked his lips. He leaned over as much as he could as if trying to whisper in my ear. My crotch lept in my pants. “Don’t go… too far… boy… Daddy’s gonna… need ya… again…” He huffed between breaths. I smiled. He was quickly starting to grow on me – something about his confidence. Over the next few days, I continued to assist him in all his daily activities. He would just eat away all day and watch me work, and I would periodically try to get him moving. I managed to set up a pulley system above his bed which he could grab and hoist himself up if he laid down, and it doubled as a way to lift his belly. I would hook a tarp up to the pulley and slide it under his gut. The device would lift up his belly, and I would be able to clean underneath it, among other things. At the end of my first week with him, Mr. Jacobs asked me to move in permanently. He would pay for my living expenses and continue to pay me for my services. I didn’t even need to think – I already knew I wanted to. Thus, began a truly great first-client experience.

#maleweightgain #weightgain #weight gain fiction #immobility #modecaisnow

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

I am curious: what are your favorite scenes from your main ships (date, dair, derena...)?

scenes involving milo don't count, sorry!

for me, it's really not just scenes, but body language & just in general, how they are with each other, you know? dan and serena grin at each other and hug SO much, you can tell that being around each other in s1 made them both so happy, and even after that glow fades the way they look for comfort in each other... top level stuff. the way blair looks at dan... we never see her as radiant at any other point. she was not looking at anyone else like this. and gosh, dan and nate. they're both so comfortable around each other that there's absolutely nothing weird about like. discussing that one ex girlfriend whom they both share AND both were in love with. there is literally no other duo who trusts/enjoys each other's company so much that they're comfortable in a love triangle. (probably because they're more in love with each other than with the girl, but that is not the point. or is it?)

anyway, more specific answers. under the cut. this is one of the longest answers i've ever written on this blog possibly but you KNEW that would happen when you sent this ask, didn't you? (affectionate)

derena: i tagged one of my ds reblogs as 'the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one' and like. look at them! this hug from 1x10 kills me in the best way. they are both the literal embodiment of :D when they see each other! i love 1x10 as a whole moment, their entire thing at cotillion is so sweet and they're both so happy. the fact that he is talking about his chemistry teacher during this kiss in 1x07. that bit at the end of 1x05 when they talk about their siblings (being there for their sibling because of fallible parents being a derena parallel makes me simultaneously really sad and really soft, tbh). 1x05 gives me SO MUCH SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT but the way they walk off together arms around each other does something to me - these are two people who are still getting to know each other but who really like what they see, and who trust each other and. are just having a good time together! back when derena was my OTP, the 1x11 "your story's about me?" was absolutely a fave, too, and i still adore it, albeit in a different, more nostalgic way. i like a dan who writes cute stories about serena. no empty shell sabrina van skoneker bullshit. she is so much like you, daniel! you'd be shattered if she did this to you. don't do this to her. tbh, most derena moments from s1 are just A+ romance. the bit in 2x02 in the jitney is so funny, they're SO bad at being exes. the bit in... 3x03 i think?? i don't remember... on the contrary. when they're talking about dan's fling w/ georgina and serena's relationship with carter, the ease with which they talk and how happy/supportive they are of each other's new relationships... yeah. love to see it.

i also really like any instance of them having honest/open conversations. 1x13, talking about how serena is concerned about blair. 1x08, serena talking to dan about feeling jealous of vanessa. this bit from the touch of eva or whatever that episode is. 4x04 i think. this is the conversation everyone is trying to get dan to have and he's avoiding EVERYONE else. derena interactions in 3x21 (can't find a gif right now) - the fact that dan is with serena when her dad abandons them, the fact that he goes all the way there with her. 2x07, "i'm really glad you're nate's friend. he really needs someone like you right now" (though i'm cheating, that's technically a d/n moment too klhdflkgf). there's a bit in s4 where he's advising her against having an affair w/ colin, i don't remember the ep number, but the way he takes her side so easily and naturally and puts due blame/responsibility solely on her professor... yeah. 4x10 i think this ep is?? idk. but like my tags say, im sentimental about this moment because while what dan was doing was irresponsible, sneaking her out of the ostroff, he was the only person in this episode who was actually talking to her and listening to her and taking her seriously. nobody else was doing that!!

i probably have more moments i'm not remembering, but we're only 1/3 into this answer and LOOK AT THE WORDS, good lord, i'm sorry.

dair: my favourite dair episode is hands down despicable b (5x21) which i have heard is an uncommon answer. i just love the conflict resolution of it all, okay!!! 1x04 & 2x08 are like. standard answers any dair shipper will give, and i'm no different. i love dan being able to give blair advice and blair actually taking his advice even though they're not friends yet!!! be right back, yelling at the intimacy of it all!! 5x16, with their getting together (this little kiss and dan being so startled by it), blair admitting a flaw she genuinely does have and dan saying it's not awful because it's her, which is just. romance at its finest. those vows, good lord. 5x18.... they're having fun! blair showing up at the loft in lingerie for dan... the delight on her face.... (i know this moment blows up in their face but when she's there she looks so happy and proud of herself and this was like THE moment when i was like. oh. dair is really the heart of this garbage show huh).

i think for me, the thing that really sells dan & blair together is the serena of it all. both of them love serena more fiercely than anyone else, and that is what brings them together. (fwiw i definitely think nate loved serena this much and this deeply, too; the writers just wanted to pop the serenate balloon, which even i think was extremely unnecessary and ooc.) but (& i have so much meta about this) their relationship grows beyond serena. their entire s4 arc is SO good. i love how comfortable around each other they are, in such an adult way, in the sense of like. they both bring so much stability to each other? morgan tagged this edit "the marrieds" and like. yeah. b offers to help him shave. they're having breakfast & reading the paper together.

all the love declarations we got that weren't a simple 'i love you.' be your charming wonderful self (how could she not love you/ tell me what would make you happy, dan) i told chuck he doesn't have my heart anymore (you spent your life earning the keys to set you free when you were free all along!!!!) dan's pep talk to blair in 5x21 (already linked a gifset earlier, here's another one if you want i guess). there's definitely more... but honestly, the way the dair arc was executed was so good - while i do have my complaints, i also think keeping those aside, it was SO close to perfect. i love dan & blair's banter and gradually becoming closer and closer and closer. it felt very organic and real and GOSH. the way penn & leighton looked at each other while playing dan and blair...... it's just SO MUCH.

date: this is the hardest, because it's. *screams*. maybe you saw me losing my mind over those 2 seconds of nate handing dan a waffle? i love almost every scene with these two, even the hellish s6 breakup scene. my favourite episode for d/n (& also favourite gg episode in general) is 2x06 - i love the homoerotic subtext of it all. nate pretending to be dan because dan's name is the first name that came to his head. dan flirting w/ nate while tied to that thing, in his underwear. them becoming friends. and 2x07 as a follow-up to that! dan getting nate to live in the loft with the humphreys for a while. i am so soft.

4x09 is a terrible episode in general, especially for serena my beloved, but the d/n moments in that one? off the CHARTS. this weird overly macho flirting, in some ways THE most iconic d/n line. this entire finish each other's sentences nonsense. someone (i think it was ana but im not sure?) compared the energy of those scenes i just linked to the book blairenate love triangle resolution, blairena choosing each other over nate in the books, date choosing each other over serena in the show (if only! RIP.) after the saints & sinners ball, this cute little moment of 'youre the only one who understands me. please tell me they went home together. i mean. how could they not have.

3x07, them watching vampire porn together. a tag i used on ao3 (& also on here, once) is 'nate brings out the himbo in dan'. here is a prime example. 'is she levitating?' i don't fucking know, dan, what do you think?? (i was telling my partner that that's what i love abt dair vs date. around blair dan is an intellectual, a librarian, an art historian, a museum curator. around nate it's like dan is competing to be #1 himbo on the show. can my girlfriend actually fly? i don't know, dan. i can't believe you're seriously asking such a question.)

3x12 pep talk. (sorry about the shitty quality!) essentially nate telling dan that he (dan) is hot and that he shouldn't talk himself down so much.

dan making nate gay in his book. you know. his book from which blair found out he was in love with her. nads (who i will not tag in this billion word long gushy meta, because i value her sanity) once called inside "wish fulfilment' and. i mean. yeah

nate checking dan out at the derena wedding continues to be hilarious. hilarious in the same way as dan sexually fantasising about nate. canon really went 'let's give ivy some special easter eggs' and i appreciate them a lot!

i love the way they are around each other - so quietly attuned to each other. i showed my sister my date!husbands gifset, and she was like. yeah they're so married. and it's just stuff like how dan looks for nate over his shoulder, it's not even an active action, it's as easy and natural and intuitive as breathing, checking to see if nate is still there.

oh, that wasn't as hard as it could've been! okay. cool. im SURE there's more things i could scream about, because it's DN, the fact that they're non-canon makes me THAT much fiercer about them than dair/derena, to be honest. so many dots to connect!! anyway.

#meta #derena #dair #date #anon #this is SUCH a gushy essay but like. what did you expect #how else could i have answered this #this took. an embarrassingly long amount of time #but i had SO much fun so #citations for my ships #don't mind me *whistles under my breath*

[fourangers]

Hi Fourangers,

First of all, I love your blog so much. It's like going through a history back when Naruto Manga chapters were released weekly and your reviews were so Golden, Hilarious and spot-on. Am a new fan though (especially an SNS fan), I just got into this fandom only this year. I don't know if you'll answer my ask, but I just wanted to try and ask you few questions and I pray that you might answer me....

1. Since you've written in a post that you were active in the eastern part of the fandom, How was chapter 698 received in Japan? Because this is the chapter I inherently realized they both love each other. Yeah, I was too late but somehow whenever they interact with each other in previous chapters I always find them to be 'Weird' for just to be friends. Chapter 698 is just blatantly obvious that they love each other. Considering Homophobia and Shounen genre, I have no idea how it was perceived over there back then in 2014.

2. Which scene made you to ship SNS?

3. As an SNS'er how do you feel about the ending, where everyone was married off when they were just 19 just to make some shitty sequel??? As a new fan, I felt betrayed and It would've been perfect if they had stopped at chapter 699, leaving an open ending.

4. How do you face with the accusation about Naruto and Sasuke as brothers and we, SNS'ers are Incest shippers??? I don't care about that Indra and Ashura thing. But Naruto himself told he considers Sasuke as his Brother couple of times. And in Chapter 699, Sasuke acknowledged, 'He finally understood what it meant'.... It's the only thing that confuses me and I don't even have an answer!!! Plus, Kishi himself gave an interview that he based Sasuke on his Brother... I really wonder how he gave such an interview when he literally made them wear necklaces with each other's faces.

5. How was Naruto and Sasuke's sexuality perceived in the fandom back then??? Man!! Kishimoto just made lot of comic reliefs on their sexuality by making Sasuke on Sai jutsu, Naruto not interested in Icha Icha but making Reverse Harem no Jutsu, Naruto was angry when Konohamaru made Boy on Boy jutsu whereas he had no problem with him doing it. LOL. And all those homoerotic posters. What do you think about their sexuality, personally??

6. Why did Kishi had to develop their bond as Soulmates with some unintentional or intentional romantic undertones, if he was eventually going to pair them up with girls??? He easily could've gave many such romantic tropes to other girls and keep the bond between N and S as purely friendship or brothers. It still would've made sense.

7. Final one, Was Naruto really Nosebleeding when Kurama made a joke about Sasuke's kiss in Chapter 572???? We had a lot of heated discussion with other shippers where they claim that it was just a splotch of snot.

Sorry for the lengthy ask....... I am so eager to know your answers and I don't want to spam your ask box by sending multiple asks.

Thanks 😊😊😊

Hey yo! Welcome new SNS fan! I'm so glad that you joined us and I'll try to answer as best as I can. I'm not very active here on tumblr (except browsing lol) but your ask was such a delight to read.

1. I honestly don't remember. I think I didn't follow the japanese boards until the eventual 699-700 disaster. People were craving for reactions and I was curious about it too lol. And well...it's been years, I doubt I'll be able to find the reactions from that time. Imo, most readers don't care much about pairings, they just wanted to read about power-ups and abilities and the basic Naruto Vs Sasuke. Though there are some backhanded jokes about how gay Naruto is for Sasuke.

2. Hah. It's going to be very anti-climatic but it was when Naruto and Sakura were eating in Ichiraku Ramen. Naruto just used Rasenshuriken against Kakuzu and he busted his arm. Sakura was healing his arm and her attention was focused on Naruto. I used to be a NaruSaku shipper so I thought "Oh hey! This is the moment that Naruto would have a candid romantic moment!" But nope. He talked about Sasuke. And I was already getting suspicious about Sasuke's feelings towards Naruto ya know? And the whole "SASUKE IS MIINEEEEEE" in Orochimaru's lair. It was that moment I thought "you only have Sasuke in your head don't you, Naruto?" and started shipping SNS.

3. Hooo boy was I surprised when it was suddenly revealed that they had the basic heteronormative, boring marriage with bunch of clones of themselves. Everyone thought that it was almost like a bad fanfiction come true and some thought that it was fake. It was a pandemonium lolololol. I also thought that it was too lame to be true and lo and behold, when it came true I was floored. And then whenever Kishimoto threw new material, I got insanely pissed off because S*arada and B*ruto becoming pairing material is ok because they are a girl and a boy, and then they paralleled with Naruto and Sasuke which are only FRIENDS because they are both men. ARGH. Open ending was what Kishimoto planned from the very beginning but wrote a sequel to earn more money.

In that aspect, I made peace with it because of the whole anime/manga industry. I learned that, as a mangaka, you don't earn a lot of money with selling books, but rather with merchandise and profiting with sales right. And that guy have a family to raise, have two kids (which is hilarious about how B*ruto movie is his self-insert story), he needs a steady income. Also, I read reports about how anime studios are so poor and animators don't receive a decent income not to mention they are overstaffed and tired, and B*ruto is a good money cow for them to earn money so they can invest later on other anime they have more passion about it. So even though I hate this story with a strength of thousands suns, they are putting meal on people's tables and making them pay rents. I'm ok.

4. Lemme roll my eyes because in the Last movie they said that Hinata is related to Kaguya and so is the Uzumaki and Uchiha clan so they are all related woo hoo. But in the aspect of brothers because reincarnations bla bla bla, didn't Naruto himself said that he's no longer that brother, he's himself? Hmm...I gotta re-read it. One day. Maybe. lol. But I'm sure that he said "Sasuke is not my brother but I'm sure we'll understand well as friends" so there. Honestly, there are a lot of interviews out there and a lot of them are fake, so I'd always take the interviews with a grain of salt lololol. I do know from artbooks that Kishimoto wanted to create Sasuke as a rival-esque character and that was it. As he was developing Sasuke and Naruto's relationship, since he liked the whole yin-yang concept, whenever he wrote Naruto's story, Sasuke's was developed at the same time as his shadow.

5. I can tell from Naruto Forums (I used to participate back in that day) MOST of the non-shippers thought it was gay as hell, but you know...it was a relic of that time. While they thought it was gay, they didn't put too much thought about you know? Because it was shounen, and we knew that it was a joke that it couldn't be taken seriously. Of course, in the SNS fandom, we did make more analysis and there were a lot of instance when Naruto and Sasuke's sexuality was questioned. Some other non-shippers also thought that Naruto was totes gay for Sasuke (including a IRL friend).

Imo, Naruto is definitely bisexual in my view. Sasuke I think he's asexual or gay. He's attracted to Naruto, but mostly because of his connection to him, not because of his physical attributes, so yeah...asexual. Or Pansexual. Sasuke is more complicated lmao. Imo, Naruto could be pansexual too, come to think about it. Yeah, I guess both being pansexual can be valid.

6. He developed Naruto and Sasuke being soulmates from the very beginning, that was proven in his comments in artbooks and in the manga. He probably created with the intention of making it purely platonic, going beyond physical ties. Then he shot himself on the foot by drawing Naruto thinking about Sasuke on bed, talking about how Sasuke is cool, meanwhile Sasuke waxing poetic about how Naruto saved him. What gives? Lol. Yeah, I think he got too enamored writing their relationship that he didn't have time to write romantic ones. What I noticed that Sakura's popularity never was really high, so I could see some editors putting their fingers all over it and making her less relevant. Also, Kishimoto didn't know how to handle her, so when she got her time to shine was the whole fake confession disaster. Coupled with Kishimoto sexism and, in his words (Kurenai's flashback), women are useful to spout more babies, women was never really relevant in his story, unfortunately. Even Kaguya who was technically the big bad boss, was never really fleshed out in comparison to Madara. So the null het romantic moments it's not because he wanted to elevate SNS moments, it's more about how he's incompetent about it. It's either Hinata slowly elevating to a relevant status because forced interaction (Pain's sacrifice and Neji's death) or Sakura being obligated to be pining over Sasuke because she's a girl. It's even more painful to see that, if we ignore B*ruto, both girls are shown to be just talking with their kids and dusting shelves, basically being housewives, even though thorough the story (especially Sakura) it was implied that both of them have much more potential than being their husband accessories.

7. It was a splotch of snot. I can confirm myself lol. Whenever the chapter is out and fans would scan it to scanlate it, the editor usually would amp up contrast to max. So usually the lines get much more thicker than usual, when you read the official release which gets straight from the source, you can notice how the lines are more delicate.

Oh lol...but then we also have a lot of controversy about translating style. THAT one is a whole new can of worms to open.

Man I had fun answering your questions! Please send more :P

[serialreblogger]

Hey! I'm thinking of reading Dracula, and knowing that's your eternal hyperfixation, I wanted to ask your thoughts, if you had any comments, suggestions, ect.

HEY WHY DIDN’T I SEE THIS SOONER I’M SO SORRY FRIEND

okay okay okay okay (...several people are typing...) SO

the first thing you should be aware of when reading Dracula is that it’s quite Victorian, so you might find it easier, especially on a first read, to get an annotated version (the Norton Critical Edition version is quite good) that puts footnotes in to explain all the outdated references to like, London penny-meat merchants and stuff. I would say it’s significantly easier to read than Lord of the Rings, but because it was written 200 years ago the difference in language means it’s not a simple read. (However, if you have absolutely any attraction to the Gothic aesthetic, Dracula is so very much worth the brainpower to slog through the rougher sentences. Like. “...the courtyard of a vast ruined castle, from whose tall black windows came no ray of light, and whose broken battlements showed a jagged line against the moonlit sky.” The whole book is like that. A bit stilted to contemporary readers, but also breathtakingly spot-on in its Spooky Factor.)

the second thing you should be aware of is that Dracula is extremely gay, but in a Tormented Victorian Closeted way. There’s a part where Jonathan climbs out a window that just. It’s uh. The descriptions are very,, metaphorical-sounding. Again, the whole book is like that, and sometimes it’s very fun and sometimes (lookin at Lucy’s whole thing) it’s significantly more unsettling if you pay attention to the weirdly sexy descriptions of how the protagonists interact with the vampires, but I think that’s part of what I find so fascinating about Dracula--it’s unsettling and strange and the pieces don’t fit together clearly, and I still don’t know quite what to make of it, but all the same the feeling of what Stoker’s saying comes through quite clearly. There’s a reason why so many Dracula adaptations have this narrative of a protagonist falling in forbidden love with the tormented Vampyre, yknow? There’s something so unmistakeably sympathetic about the character of Dracula, even when the narrative of the story goes out of its way to establish that he has no redeeming qualities or even proper personhood, that he’s just a monster. Because there’s something about the story (even without getting into the whole “Mina and Jon murked their boss” thing) that makes a reader wonder if that’s really the whole truth. If there isn’t something tragic about Dracula. If there isn’t something in him, if not of goodness, then at least of sorrow, instead of only fear.

Anyway I digress but I think we all knew that was gonna happen; point is: Jonathan and Dracula definitely had sex, Mina and Lucy were definitely in love, Seward’s got something weird goin on with the old professor (and also he’s just very weird, full stop. sir. sir please stop experimenting on your asylum inmates. sir i know this is victorian england but please Do Not), and Quincey, well, Quincey is an American cowboy with a bowie knife, and I think that’s all we really need to know.

ok and! the third thing you should be aware of is The Racism. Imperialist Britain, yo. Bram Stoker was Irish so like, it isn’t half as bad as some other authors of his time period (Rudyard Kipling anyone), but the racism is real and I don’t wanna gloss over that. The g**sy slur is used with abandon for a huge assortment of people groups, there’s a tacit as well as overt acceptance of the idea that West is superior to East, and because the educational system where I grew up is a joke and I can only learn things if I accidentally fall down the wikipedia hole of researching the insect genus hemiptera, i genuinely still don’t know how accurate the extensive history of Romania recounted in the first third of the book actually is. Oh also casual and blatant anti-blackness is verbalized by a character at least once. I’m pretty sure the racism has a metaphorical place in the framework of Dracula’s storytelling, but I couldn’t tell you what it is because I am not going to bother putting myself in the mindset of a racist white Victorian man. This is the mindset I am trying to unlearn. So: read with caution, critical thinking, and the double knowledge that even as the narrators are meant to be unreliable, so too is the author himself.

Finally, regarding interpretation: so personally I’m running with the opinion that Dracula is, at least partly, a metaphor for Stoker’s own queerness and internal conflict re: being queer, being closeted, and watching the torture his friend Wilde went through when the wealthy father of Wilde’s lover set out to ruin his life for daring to love his son. Whether this is true or not (I think it’s true, but hey, that’s analysis, baby), you can’t understand Dracula without knowing the social context for it (as with all literature--the author isn’t dead, not if you want to know what they were saying), and the social context for it is:

- Stoker was friends with Wilde, growing only closer after Wilde was outed

- Wilde was outed, as I said, because the father of his lover was wealthy and powerful and full of the most virulent kind of hatred. This is especially interesting because of how many rich, powerful parents just straight up die in Dracula and leave the main characters with no legal issues and a ridiculous amount of money, which is the diametrical opposite of what happened to Wilde

- Stoker idolized his mentor Henry Irving. Irving was a paradigm of unconventional relationships and self-built family, in a world where divorcees and children born out of wedlock were things to be whispered about in scandalized tones, not people to love and embrace. Irving was also famous for thriving off of manipulating those close to him and pitting friends against each other. Given the painstakingly vivid description Stoker provides for his titular vampire and how closely it matches Irving’s own appearance and demeanor, Irving was widely understood even at the time of writing to be the chief inspiration for the character of Dracula

- the book is dedicated to Stoker’s close friend, Hall Caine, a fellow writer whose stories centered around love triangles and accumulation of sins which threaten to ruin everything, only to be redeemed by the simple act of human goodness

- Stoker was Irish, but not Catholic (he was a Protestant of the Church of Ireland, a division of the Anglican Church). This may come as a surprise when you read the book and see All The Catholicism, Just Everywhere. Religion is actually a key theme in Dracula--most of the main characters start out your typical Good Victorian Anglican Skeptics, and need to learn through a trial-by-fire to trust in the rituals and relics of the Catholic Church to save them from Dracula’s evilness. Which is interesting. Because not only do these characters start off as dismissive towards these “superstitions” (in the same way they dismiss the “superstitions” of the peasant class on the outskirts of Dracula’s domain), but the narrative telling us “these superstitions are actually true!” cannot be trusted, when you know the author’s own beliefs.

(Bram Stoker is not saying what his characters are saying. This is the first and most important rule to remember, if you want to figure out Dracula.)

- The second-most famous character in the novel, after Dracula himself, is Van Helsing, whose first name is Abraham. Note that “Bram” is a declension of Abraham. What does this mean? I legitimately have no idea. But it’d be a weird coincidence, right? Like what even is the thought process there? “Oh, yeah, what should I name this character that comes in, makes overtly homoerotic statements willy nilly, and encourages everyone to throw rationality out the window and stake some vampires using the Eucharist? hmmmm how about ‘Me’”

ok wait FINAL final note: you legitimately do not have to care about any of this. I love Dracula because it has gay vibes and I love trying to figure it out, like an archaeologist sifting through sentence structure to find fragments that match the patterns I already know from historical research; but that’s not why you should love Dracula. The book itself is just straight up fun to read. Like I said, Stoker absolutely nails the exact vibe of spookiness that I love, the eerieness and elegance and vague but vivid fear of a full moon crossed by clouds at midnight. The characters are intriguing, especially Quincey gosh I love Quincey Morris but they’re very,, sweet? if i can say that about people i, personally, suspect of murder? They come together and protect each other against the terrible threat that is Dracula, and you don’t get that half as often as I’d like in horror media. I don’t even know if Dracula could qualify as “horror” proper, because it’s not about the squeamish creeping discomfort that “horror” is meant to evoke, it’s not the appeal of staring at a train wreck--it’s not horrifying. It’s eerie. It’s Gothic. It has spires and vampires and found family and cowboys, and to be honest, I don’t know what could be better than that.

#dracula #linden writes an essay #linden's originals #THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK FRIEND I WILL ALWAYS WANT TO INFODUMP ABOUT DRACULA #ask linden

[thenewdaysalreadyhere]

I want to hear a story about a group of girls. I don’t want a rock band or a story about how friendship should matter more than material goods. I want a secret society. I want girls who get high off of knowledge, who only buy second hand books, whose cursive is horrendous but they refuse to write in print. I want girls who learn how to be proud of being a women, embracing her emotional and comprehensive intelligence and glowing at the fact that they can create life if they so choose. Give me girls who remind me of lavender and stargazing and look like they belong in an art museum because they are not modern beauties. If you give me a straight relationship make sure the male counterpart respects her and they can have intellectual conversations without emotions being a main benefactor. Make her and her best friends fall in love with who they are. Give me homoerotic tension. Give me grief and make them remember that immortality is a gift granted to very few.

#dark academia #dorian gray #dead poets society #female dark academia #dark academia aesthetic #dark academia movie #anyone wanna make this