#i do not want to try to find it in reddit become id have to make an account and i hate reddit

[sadbastard-bug]

Okay so I need to know if this was a fever dream or not I may have completely made it up but!

Does anyone at all remember a game that took place in what I think was an apartment building and you had to walk around and take pictures of several different apartments. I think it was a murder mystery kinda deal. Also there were birds everywhere who I think talked to you.

I swear I saw somebody play it as a kid and I've been trying to figure out if it's a real thing or another one of my strange dreams.

#lost game #i really need to find it #horror games #it wasnt suite 776 im pretty sure or that paratopic either. #game help #i do not want to try to find it in reddit become id have to make an account and i hate reddit

[utilitycaster]

hi! is s01e01 representative of midst as a whole? i tried it but couldn't get through it bc i found it very distracting with the bg music/noise and the tag teaming of the narration; it all kept pulling me out of my minds palace and i just couldn't get into it. however, a lot of people on here and on reddit highly recommend it so the story must be good, and i like good stories so id like to enjoy it. does it "get better", so to speak, in regards to the background ambiance and narration? is it available in written form anywhere, so that i could enjoy it by reading it? thank you!

Hi anon,

In terms of the narration style and sound design, yes, it is.

I've thought fairly carefully about this answer but in short: I think with podcasts (and frankly, anything), the medium is the message. There are transcripts, and you can read them. I think if you are hard of hearing such that the sound design makes it difficult to separate narration from the music or noise; or you have misophonia or auditory processing disorders or something similar such that it is genuinely uncomfortable, then the transcripts are available.

However, if that's not the case, Midst's sound design is in my opinion a strength. It is undeniable that if you choose to read the transcripts rather than listen, you will be losing a major dimension of the storytelling and worldbuilding: the sound is, fundamentally, part of the mind palace. And as someone who listens to a decent number of fiction podcasts that have background sounds or music, I actually think the design and the pure technical balance of Midst is one of the best there is, to the point that actually I find that some sounds fade into the background very naturally and I end up relistening when someone else brings them up.

What I would recommend, if you have only listened to the first episode, is to stick it out through a few more, because I suspect that if an auditory issue is not at play, you are actually having difficulty with the three-narrator structure. I personally found it initially difficult but quickly acclimated (and it too is a key part of the whole). Listen to the first 3-4 episodes. Episode 1 is barely over 15 minutes. Would you give up altogether on a TV show 15 minutes in? Give it another hour or so, and if you still don't like it, you can decide what to do from there.

I think just to wrap up I do want to admit that this might make me sound like a cranky millennial and also a completionist, and to be fair I am both these things, but I think there is a tendency in fandom spaces to want to be part of something whether or not it is working for you. This is an understandable impulse. However, I think this has unfortunately become entangled with a tendency I am less sympathetic towards; that of demanding things be catered to your existing preferences rather than allowing yourself to be a little uncomfortable. Naturally I don't think anyone should deliberately trigger themselves or be in pain; but perhaps we could all stand to be more patient, give things more time, be more willing to meet works where they are rather than trying to pull them towards what we already know and love, and listen to the songs on the album we don't love as much rather than skipping to the easy hits. And, if after a good-faith patient effort, it's still not clicking for us, to walk away instead of trying to find a way to sand it down enough to fit into our comfort zone.

#answered #Anonymous

[merymoonbeam]

I find it so funny how Elriels pop up on Reddit when they see something said about Elain or Az and then disappear, Im active on both and see you here and I go “That’s the person that pops up when an Elriel topic comes up and disappears for anything else lmao” 😂

Sucks that all the mods there have said they prefer G/ynriel in their Discord chats, They’ve been pretending that they’ll give Elain a chance now after 2 years of talking badly about both characters Bc they’re all Acosf stan’s and TamlinLucien stan’s. So I don’t blame you guys for not really being active there it’s a lot of fake love for them there. If Elriel happens that whole sub will lose it just like if Feyre and Rhysand become High king and High Queen and Id love to see them pissed over both 🤭

I mean do we appear when the topic is only about azriel or elain or do we lurk there and just don't go into topic we want to avoid. At least that's what I did. I don't want to waste my time discussing about characters I don't like so I just avoided those posts only went in when the topic was about something I liked. at least I did that when I was in the sub. I left. bc of those reason you listed. The mods are just weird. they say they are "natural" but...REALLY??? and all those other reasons....which is many and I can't list them all.

I really don't care anymore who says they are natural and don't act like it. I know what the books says and they can all live in their echo chamber trying to make each others see their points. I will just laugh when the time comes. I'm bidding my time and focusing on other things.

#anon ask

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw neglect , social anxiety / anxiety

hi i would like some advice

so i plan on moving out as soon as i can once i turn 18, it’s impossible for me to live at my “home” any longer than necessary.

im not cared for correctly my parents wont get me in any doctors appointments of any kind (eye, yearly doctor appointments, therapy, etc), theyve emotionally neglected me my whole life, they wont let me leave my house on my own i dont live in a dangerous place and its not far walks to go places here i get the hesitation since im a girl but again this is not a dangerous place and im not trying to go super far people walk here all the time. i dont know how to live on my own in any way. i can survive being alone in my room 24 hours a day but i have severe social anxiety and along with the neglect i havent been in school. i’ve always struggled with school and that was always ignored but i think it’s something more but i cant know for sure since my parents wont get me in with any doctor. as soon as i got into homeschool since i was experiencing really bad anxiety (instead of actually trying to help and get to the root of the problem they just put me in homeschool and turned a blind eye and acted like everything was fine) everything has only been festering and growing since and its debilitating now.

i dont have a driver’s license or id and not much school record since i got homeschooled 5 years ago (i would have been a senior next school year/in a couple months) i cant get a job I for one: dont have any of that i mentioned and also no idea how to socialize i dont have any friends and it just seems very hopeless. im not sure what to do. i need a job to start saving up to move but i have no way of getting one for the reasons i listed and also every time i try to do exposures for my social anxiety my parents wont let me (the walks for example). i cant live here any longer than i need to i really cant and thats not all the reasons why. i feel trapped here theres no room for me to do anything or grow at all. i just cant take it anymore i want to spend these next couple years trying to get better to leave but i have no idea how.

im not expecting anything from this i guess i just need any sort of advice or anything on how to navigate and get through my situation. how would someone handle this? not even just about the job aspect just how do i get out of this. i have no idea what to do and i dont have anyone i can talk to or go to. thank you for your time!

Hi anon, I'm very sorry to hear about the emotional and physical neglect you have, and currently are experiencing, as well as the lack of resources provided for you to become an independent adult (which seems to include both financial, as well as educational, abuse). I can deeply empathize that it likely feels like you are very much alone in all this, but sadly you are not the first, or only one, and I found several resources that might be of assistance (both for getting independence, as well as further validation).

Here’s a page that discusses the abuse that is sometimes found in homeschooling environments (which isn’t to suggest all are, but in your case, very much sounds so).  If anything this page might validate some of your experiences, as well as potentially sharing them with the reddit, and/or facebook groups.

Here’s an article that discusses what financial abuse is, suggestions of how to develop a safety plan to leave, as well as resources linked at the end to find shelters/services near you that might be of assistance.  

In my opinion, first focus should be about getting you into a safe environment, with trained professionals, who can help you navigate personal independence as you connect with community resources, and begin your healing journey.  Though my hope is that as you practice and experience safe environments, with safe people, it might help alleviate the social anxiety (if it’s a trauma based response), or, at the very least, they might be able to assist in developing new coping skills to navigate the world with the anxiety.  Either way, I promise there are people out there who care, want to help, and will - and I hope with at least some resources shared, it might be a starting point to help you connect with them. 

#trauma talks #social anxiety #anxiety #neglect #abuse #resources #mod kat

[doom-nerdo-666]

The Cosplay Slayer skin may have been inspired by a fan cosplay from years ago, by TheScarletImpaler.

(Images taken from the r/Doom post, so credit to TheScarletImpaler)

Here's the Reddit post:

Hello Slayers!

Forgive me as I don't know how to really use Reddit, but I'll try posting here. I'm the inspiration for the latest skin, "Cosplay Slayer." Back in 2012, I made a mediocre cosplay of classic DOOM Guy out of a paintball mask and cardboard. When I saw the latest Eternal skin reveal, Cosplay Slayer, I was very surprised at the specific design of it. At first, I was a bit reluctant to go on about it, but after I dusted off my old helmet and compared to what I saw on screen, I knew that my cosplay from years ago was the main inspiration. Across social media, including the forums, everyone is seeing the inspiration, too, backing me up.

My helmet comparison The cosplay (if these don't work, the images are on a recent Twitter/Insta posts using the same handle)

I know it might be hard to believe, but here is my DeviantArt with pics of it and building it back from 2012:Old DA (if this doesn't work, my DA has the same handle, when you get to the gallery, just search "doom")

I'm posting because I feel like I should receive some sort of credit or recognition for it. I'm not asking much, just something official from Id or Bethesda that makes the connection. Like a quick cosplay spotlight article or social media post. No money or any other compensation. I, and many others, feel that its my unique interpretation of the classic DOOM Guy design, from a time when there was very little reference of it, and because of that, bringing it from 2D art to 3D art took a lot of personal interpretation and physical work that I did. It's also been a childhood dream to be in a video game, now that my work and likeness is in a game, DOOM nonetheless, the joy feels incomplete and hollow because I'm not being connected to it.

Thanks, Alucard

This post is dated from 02 Jul 2020 and 2 years later, he made this post:

Slayers, it has been two years since the Cosplay Slayer skin was released and I have requested to be credited for my unique design. I have been ignored since. I had some IRL stuff get in the way of my original campaign, but now I'm starting this up again. I call upon Bethesda and Id to do the right and honorable thing to credit me and my design.

I know it may sound outlandish and farfetched, but please take a look and you'll see...

To those who do not remember, or need a refresher, I made a DOOM cosplay back in 2012, which was an interpretation of the original DOOM Guy, in a time where barely any reference material existed. So, it ended up to be an unique design. That unique was used without my permission to create the Cosplay Slayer costume. The evidence proves this beyond a shadow of a doubt. The original Reddit post is here https://www.reddit.com/r/Doom/comments/hk2umq/the_original_cosplay_slayer/

To help with this campaign, I've launched a petition to help. I humbly ask for signatures in hopes that Bethesda and Id will realize what they have done and correct the issue favorably. I also ask to pass around this petition around if you can. https://www.change.org/CreditTheCosplaySlayer

I still would like to resolve this without it turning messy, I'm not looking to screw Id or Bethesda for money, nor do I believe this should even become a legal situation - I only want to be credited for my work and my name to be in DOOM Eternal. However, I will do what I must in order to do what is right. If it takes a legal action to get recognized, I will do so.

In these past two years, I've seen countless posts by Bethesda and Id promote fan art and other cosplayers, crediting their efforts all over social media and blogs/articles. Yet I've been ignored completely. This will go on no longer. This cannot go on any longer.

Thank you, Alucard @ScarletImpaler (on Insta/TW)

The reason why i find this situation interesting is because it's another example of how something Doom related comes from the fanbase and ends up in the official series (Or alternatively, how people look at Doom).

I even made a post about things that came from Doom fans and how they impacted the series.

#doom #doom eternal #trivia #id software #doomguy #cosplay #fandom #analysis #important #classic doom

[fatherramiro]

ok wait now im really intrigued about ramiro being a joan of arc figure, i would love to hear about that if you'd like to share

okay i need to preface this by saying that this is 90% headcanon and speculation that's now become my entire life - given that the show is canceled, unless we have a miracle we're never going to know what ramiro's full arc was going to be, so this is mostly my personal canon for the rest of the show! this is also like... 45% inspired by the world's greatest reddit comment about ramiro ("he's not the wolf or the sheep, he's the shepherd") and the likelihood of his arc reflecting the religion/faith elements of the series.

this was first brought about in a weird middle of the night thought about trans ramiro that kind of spiraled. i have a headcanon about ramiro in the simulation (and possibly in "reality") that's that he wanted so desperately to join the church when he was much younger. he thought he was called by god to do good things and teach people and most importantly help people. but as he grew up, he realized that not only is the church rife with corruption and used as a tool of oppression, but he himself is told that he is a monster/sinner in the eyes of god for something he cannot control.

it is my firmest belief about the rest of the show - as inspired by the canon of season one - that ramiro would've stepped up into a leadership role in reality. much like jérôme, he believes in doing the right thing even if it puts him at risk. he's one of the three dudes who i'd consider in eyk's inner circle (the other two being jérôme and olek). he also becomes a sort of spiritual leader in a sense as well, despite not being a priest, going off the anker scene. in seasons two and three, i fully believe that he would've really sort of become the center of any sort centering on faith and religion because like that one smart redditor said, he is the shepherd figure (albeit that lends itself more to the interpretation of ramiro as a moses figure which.... boy do i have thoughts on that too).

so how to does this all connect outside of my desire to project onto my blorbo? firstly, it's basically the premise of a really cool fic id like to write in which ramiro is trans and there's an intense discussion of gender, sexuality, and religion, but also about martyrdom. i fully believe that ramiro would've been so ready to sacrifice himself to protect people and that would of course put a strain on his and ángel's relationship, because ángel is a survivor and ángel does not want to see ramiro sacrifice himself. he wants him to live. their entire backstory is about running away/finding a life together and protecting each other (the lengths ramiro will go to save people he cares about!!), so im firmly convinced that a point of conflict for them would be that ángel wants them to focus on surviving while ramiro wants to do something more.

and we see this somewhat in the show! ángel is more than happy to let the mutiny play out, because they'll get "what we want" which is to go to america. but ramiro, already feeling isolated and hurt by ángel's actions, actively chooses to do the right thing and try to warn eyk. there's a precedent for him putting himself in danger to try and help people!! and that could've been explored more in a later season.

so yeah, the real reason for the comparison, beyond playing with gender and religion and all that jazz, is the concept of martyrdom and sainthood. because im nothing if not 100% always ready to queer those concepts up with my blorbos. and its wildly incoherent currently but i promise that when this fic is done it will at least be mildly more coherent? but yes, ramiro as leader and pseudo saint and the contrast that creates between ramiro as the man ángel loves and who he desperately does not want to lose. which i think would've been a really fucking great concept for their story (beyond ángel getting his own arc of growth as well which im still working out!)

#this is something so incoherent but so personal #what does it mean to love a saint? and what does it mean to lose him too?

[roses-n-chocolates]

I'm obsessed with looking beautiful,

like the best version of me.

I want to curate a style and beauty so refined and timeless yet so authentically me that it sets and transcends trends, to simply feel at peace that this baby, is all of me. To know my potential and know that I can dress to the best of my potential and play with it's freedom because then it’d be fun to me as it is fun, to break rules you know how to bend.

I think it's becoming an unhealthy addiction... it's interfering with my business priorities. I'm finding it more exciting and thrilling than my business and that is dangerous territory.

...

That said, I've finally figured out my essences, kibbe id, and colours, as well as my style keywords. Evaluated what hairstyles work best for me, and brands and clothing, even nails, that align and inspire. Also my style logic. It's taken me about 3 years to finally find and understand systems that are helpful to me after lots of wasted money, time, and effort wading through misleading, prejudical and inaccurate information.

But, now to experiment and practice putting it all together. 😊 YAY! *with excited, but realistically tired enthusiasm.*

Next step will be to cull my wardrobe with intentionality. My aim is to do this in 3-6 months but I'm keeping a flexible mind that it could take longer or even finish sooner. My problem will be not looking my best despite having the information of what makes me look my best. But this is about long-term rewards so I can't rush the process and must practice delayed gratification.

For my health and wellness, I'm not going to look into anymore beauty systems as I should be focused on practicing and not learning, and at this point they are all trivial and subjective with new frames surrounding old information. I'm also going to practice a Pinterest and reddit detox, and look to be present. When I do see beauty, it is to appreciate its uniqueness without immediately trying to categorise or analyse.

Lol, with the way this is going I might as well be a stylist or a theorist on style. Sounds like a lot of fun and energy I'm potentially excited to invest though priority wise - wrongly. My ADHD is so heavily stirred that I hope my changes in wellness helps to bring me back to earth.

00.20

#style thoughts #petalsofarose #soft black girl

[automatismoateo]

the misogyny in the bible is genuinely mind numbing via /r/atheism

the misogyny in the bible is genuinely mind numbing im in the middle of reading the whole thing (not that I'm trying to make myself believe, in fact I feel the opposite, this only solidified me being an athiest. but id rather get my facts abt the Bible right by knowing what's in it. trust me, not much in this book is mindblowing.) anyway, the misogyny in this book is... genuinely so weird. there are so many parts in this book where women are straight up just referred to as if they are second class citizens, and are only good for pleasing men and making babies. not to mention, there are parts in this book where (probably underage) female prostitutes or slaves most CERTAINLY are described to have some sort of mental illness, but in the bible they're just basically like "man she's def got demons in her, she really needs to find Jesus. what a whore." never mind that she's been forced into slavery and is being forced to do this stuff that they find 'sinful.' 🤦‍♀️ now obviously im aware of the fact that society has always been very anti-women (if you will,) but for a book that is supposed to be always true and relevant, this book is obviously so fucking outdated and lame. and even if you have historical context for some stories, it makes you even more confused. there is literally no explanation besides religion for why women should be treated as if they are second class citizens to men, yet these religious people wanna act as if it the most true shit because it's in their book.. and some of these people want this to be law. it becomes even worse when you realize oftentimes they acknowledge women can be more level-headed and more intelligent than a lot of men, but they just brush it off, because men should always get the last word or whatever. so they want us to prioritize men's word because... "god said so..." a guy who doesn't exist, love that. my worst fear is these christian people coming into power and implementing this crazy shit as law. technically, at christian colleges this is already a thing. you aren't allowed to have certain haircuts, men and women can't be alone, (mind u, these are young adults following these rules..) and at some places women can't get certain degrees. if america became a christian theocracy, not only would these type of rules be implemented in every university, they'd be implemented in everyday life. what's funny is I could guess about 50% of christians who previously thought they would like this would definitely not like it if it happened, especially women. but I guess these people aren't self aware and can't imagine looking into the future and thinking of different scenarios. what a shame. Submitted February 25, 2024 at 12:14AM by nagitosbby (From Reddit https://ift.tt/5Acbhf9)

#reddit

[punderfulowl]

Top 10 Anime (That I've Seen) in 2020

Well now, it has certainly been awhile. I'm currently sitting at eight months too late for posting this, but, y'know, something something life happens. More accurately, I already made this list, but wanted to try out what response I'd get from Reddit. Turns out, they're not as cool as you guys!

Anyways, as the title states, this is not a list of my favorite anime that came out during 2020, but instead my favorite anime that I just so happen to see during that year. While it's fun to have an end of the year retrospective, I find that having a list in this format not only adds variety, but also helps bring attention to anime that might have been lost in the shuffle in previous years (I also don't have enough time to stay caught up in seasonal releases).

Honorable mentions:

Aggretsuko S3, My Hero Academia S4, Today's Menu For the Emiya Family, Interspecies Reviewers (yes, really), and I Couldn't Become a Hero So I Reluctantly Decided to Get a Job

10. Maid-Sama (2010)

In hindsight, I find it a bit funny that I wanted to watch something wholesome to kick off 2020. Anyway, Maid-Sama is about a high school girl that is also a no nonsense Class President and she kind of has to be at a school where, until recently, was an all boys school. While she kills it in academics and is good at shutting down any shenanigans from the male student body, her financial situation isn't the greatest and has to balance a job at a maid cafe along with her school-related responsibilities. She does her best to hide her employment there to keep up appearances, but is one day found out by one of the boys who happens to be a big flirt and, yeah, hijinks ensue. While this anime doesn't have too many surprises, our main leads bounce off each other well enough to keep me entertained. Nothing I haven't seen already in other anime Rom-Coms, but I think it has more than earned its place at the start of this list.

9. Haganai NEXT (2013)

It's a personal rule of mine when making these lists that I don't include sequels of shows that were in previous lists. While I DID see the first season of Haganai a couple of years ago, it didn't quite make it into the top ten at that time. Because of that, it meets the criteria for this year's list. While I found the characters were just as charming here as I did during the first season, the development of their relationships really took off. It's a shame that it will most likely not get a third season, but I'm happy with what ride this show gave me. But hey! At least I can read the light novels/manga to continue the story! Wait, nevermind, the Haganai fans on Reddit are saying that's a bad idea.

8. Engaged to the Unidentified (2014)

Based off of a Four Panel joke manga, Engaged to the Unidentified tells the story of a girl in high school suddenly getting some life changing news. As it turns out, her grandfather made an arranged engagement with her and the son of a family he knew. Next thing she knows, the boy in question, as well as his little sister, moves into her family's house! While the boy is unassuming at first, there may be more to him and his family than he lets on. Plain and simple, this anime has charmed me. There's a decent amount of drama and mystery despite the source material and I applaud it! Even though this also doesn't have much new to offer, even to the point where I would compare this to Maid-Sama, what made me pick this at the 8th spot were the color choices and animation quality. Give this a shot if you can!

7. Grimoire of Zero (2017)

It's a fantasy/adventure story starring a loli sorcerer and a huge, anthropomorphic white tiger man. I honestly can't say anything else. I won't be able to do it justice. That first sentence should intrigue you a lease a little bit. Read it, again. Please check it out. It's an underrated gem that no one is talking about.

6. ID: Invaded (2020)

Hey, here's something recent! Unfortunately, this is also not something I can say much about. There may not be too many deep characters and the secret bad guy isn't hard to figure out, but BOY is this anime cool! The best way to describe this series is that it's like the movie Inception, but instead of brain heists, it's brain murder mysteries.

5. Carole and Tuesday (2019)

A runaway rich girl has a fated meeting with an orphan and they decide to make music together...oh, this also takes place Mars. Joking aside, this show was something special with its music (a new song almost every episode no less), interesting setting (freaking Mars, dude), and endearing main cast. Shoot, the music itself would be top 3, maybe number 1, but what bogs it down is the show's second half. I can easily see myself watching this again someday, and maybe my opinion will lighten up, but for now, 5 is a dang good spot.

4. Fate/Grand Order: Absolute Demonic Front - Babylonia (2019)

Part of me hesitates placing this high up on list due to this show being animated, fan service spectacle for Fate fans. However, that hesitation is overshadowed by the fact that I am a Fate fan myself and I can do whatever I want with this list. Even if you're not a Fate fan or play FGO, if you enjoy some solid fight animation, this is worth a look.

3. K-On S1 (2009)

I'll admit it, I might regret not watching the second season then putting the series on the list as a whole, but this how I've been doing these lists and I'm such a creature of habit. There's not much I can say about K-On that hasn't already been said. By itself it's an anime classic and one of Kyo-ani's biggest properties. It's a sweet and wholesome watch, but be sure to have some insulin within reach.

2. Princess Principal (2017)

Imagine you're working with a team of programmers trying to make a mobile game then all of a sudden someone asks to make a show out of it. You know, a show with different character motivations, plot, twist and turns and all that? Most might say that's just a shameless, shallow cash grab, but it turns out okay for Princess Principal. Sure, most might summarize this anime as, "cute girls doing espionage things," but with its cast, visuals, and interesting alternative timeline, it works! Apparently there's a new season or movie in the works and I am all for it!

1. Beastars (2019)

I was not expecting this to be number one, but with much deliberation (with myself obviously) this feels right. It tells a pretty unique story while showing itself to be the exception to the rule when it comes to 3D anime.....it being that it's actually good. While I acknowledge that shows like K-On are classics and deserves to be number one on many different lists, it didn't line up with my personal criteria like Beastars did. My biggest deciding factor is: Now that I've watched this, do I want more? It's true that while I'm excited to start K-On S2, Beastars intrigues me more and ever since season two was announced, I'm looking forward to that more.

Sorry again for this list being so late, but at least the silver lining is that the next end of the year list is about four months away (in theory)!

#anime #k-on #beastars #princess principal #fate grand order #carole and tuesday #id invaded #grimoire of zero #engaged to the unidentified #haganai #maid sama

[ntamain]

Is my (24F) neighbour (27F) into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she's gay?

another gay gem from the r/relationship reddit

Update:

Image ID under the cut, please let me know if I did it wrong!

[Image ID: four screenshots of a post from the relationship subreddit by tumblr user nta-main. The title reads “Is my (24F) neighbour (27F) into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she’s gay?”

The text reads “Update post is now locked, I cant believe so many people were interested in us!! Thank you again for your support, comments and messages.

Hi all, I can't believe I'm asking for advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet but I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this. Sorry for the incoming essay but I guess I need to give history. I bought my first house in September last year, It was an odd time but everything just fell into place. It's quite a small village and everyone is really friendly so I got to know my neighbours soon after moving in - yes, socially distanced. Then I met my over-the-road neighbour, let's call her Elle. I can't describe it but it's the first time I've ever met someone and been lost for words and my heart was racing and just thought "omg", y'know?? So after I blushed my way through a welcome to the village type convo we only saw each other for a wave and hello for a few days.

To help kinda settle in I had my dog (Bea) with me for the first few weeks. During this time there was a massive increase in dog thefts in a nearby town, not just from gardens but literally wrestled away from people. If I'd have been working (furloughed off and on since March) then I would've taken Bea back to mum's but since I was home with her all day she stayed. So the local police advised to not walk dogs alone but we go out twice a day, a 10k run in the morning and a few miles walk in the evening. So obvs this scares me, but at the same time she is honestly a pain in the arse and gets upset if she doesn't go for a run and needs to be tired out so I'm kind of stuck at this point. Then along comes Elle. She knocked on the door and offered to come with us as she'd seen Bea and me in the evenings and everything kind of spiralled from there. I told her about my morning runs but she didn't really bite so I thought nothing of it. Then a few days later I bumped into her on a run, so she started joining us on those too.

A few months later and we are spending more and more time together everyday. It has now progressed to a run early morning, afternoon coffee, dinner most evenings and then the evening walk. It just seemed to happen without me really noticing. I didn't read into things that much as I don't want to get my hopes up and ruin anything until another neighbour commented about how much time we spend together and how "it's nice to see you young gals getting on" and winked. She actually winked at me. I asked her what she meant but she just laughed and said "you know what I mean". So now I'm looking back on things and wondering if she could like me too?

Here's some reasons why she might like me:

I went running along the same route at the same time for nearly 2 weeks before I happened to run into her a few days after I told her this?

I make her a coffee every afternoon (Elle is WFH) and take it over in her fave mug. She says I make good coffee but I'm pretty sure I saw a fancy coffee machine the first time I went round (it's not there now?).

Elle carried on running and walking with me even after Bea went home. I told her she was going back to mum's and she said well "I'll have to make another excuse to join you" and then we just carried on everyday.

She has tried really hard to bond with Bea. Bea is a very anxious dog and is scared of everyone except me and mum. Elle bought special treats to give her everyday and has been so amazing with her and never tried to force anything. When I asked her she said "it's important to me that she likes me and is comfortable". Bea actually fell asleep between us on the sofa yesterday and It just makes my heart skip a beat guys.

She invited me to the zoom quiz she does with her friends every fortnight or so and they were all like "oh so this is who we've heard so much about "

We realised we had become each other's support bubble. Elle asked if I was meeting anyone else and I said no, she said she was glad she had me all to herself (!!)

We gave each other quite personal xmas presents. Like, it actually made me tear up it meant so much to me. And she bought stuff for Bea!!

Reasons why she might not like me:

All the reasons above, but that she's just doing them because she's a fucking great person and we're friends?

It might sound dumb but idk I need your help guys. She is the just the most incredible person I have ever met and I really really like her but if she isn't gay or doesn't feel the same I don't want to lose her friendship as she has become such a huge part of my life. I genuinely have no experience with these kind of things as I went to quite a strict all girls school, so it's not as if there were any relationships around me as a teen and then I went to a very small uni (8 of us on my course). I guess another reason is that I've struggled with anxiety and depression for the past 10 years, as well as my weight and working on my self confidence, but I can say that right now I am the happiest and healthiest (both mentally and physically) I have ever been. I've only just really become comfortable with the fact that I'm gay and I have never really told anyone in real life, but I don't think people would be too surprised lol. I don't have any close friends as no one stuck around when I was really struggling with my MH a few years ago so I can't discuss this with anyone irl.

So I need your advice : how do I find out if she is gay? And no, I don't have the confidence to just ask!! What if she says no and I ruin everything? She has never mentioned anything about past relationships and I'm pretty tactless so not sure how I could naturally slip it into the convo. Like, "hey tell me have you ever had a girlfriend? Do you want one now?" Lol. And how can I make a move without really making a move so I don't ruin things??

tl;dr : Don't know whether my neighbour is gay and into me or is just really friendly. How can I make a move without ruining our friendship?

Edit: Ok guys, thank you so so much for all your support and encouragement. You've all given me a lot to think about. I think I'm going to casually slip some gay stuff into conversation and see how she reacts. Then bring up the neighbours comment like some of you suggested, seeing as tho the neighbour was heavily implying that we're gay. I'll do it tonight otherwise I'll talk myself out of it again. I will post an update to let you know what happens (eek). If you never hear from me again assume it went badly and I am consoling myself with cake and watching brokeback mountain in floods of tears.

Hi reddit, yes it's me the useless lesbian. First off I want to thank you all for your support, encouragement and advice - and the undeserved awards! I never expected this many of you to take the time to comment and that so many of you were rooting for us.

So I had the plan to drop these gay hints into convo like you guys suggested but honestly it all went out the window. Elle was kinda stressed friday after a shitty work zoom and just needed to vent so it wasnt the right time to start anything. Though I guess I must have been a bit off thanks to spending all day overthinking things on here, as Elle turned up Saturday morning rambling about stressing me out and apologised (!!) for ruining dinner. Obvs I said "what are you talking about you can talk to me about anything", and she said "anything?" and I said "anything" back. And guys the tension was unreal, staring at each other and hoping our lesbian mind reading powers would kick in.

Then there was some loud noise like a car backfiring or something and the moment went. So I went to make coffee and then Elle asked me why I was a bit quiet the night before and I said something about overthinking stuff and she said "what stuff" and idk you guys I wasnt prepared to be put on the spot my casual gay pop culture references were useless in this moment. My mind just went completely blank and I forgot every single thing you guys suggested and my heart was pounding and I just blurted out you know I like you, right?.

...And then she kissed me. Kissed me. We straight up just snogged in the kitchen and it was fucking great. So...you were right. You were all fucking right. She's gay, she likes me and has been trying to drop hints for nearly 5 months. sigh

We were both just too scared to make a move or ruin anything. Turns out she's been burned by straight girls in the past, so she's pretty wary and was hoping I'd straight up say I'm a lesbian so she'd know for sure - maybe the I'm a lesbian wall hanging would've been a good idea after all? Her friends have been helping her drop hints, she showed me the group chat and guys their suggestions ranged from flirting more to just turning up in a trenchcoat and nothing else lol. Also, the winking neighbour has been making comments to her as well, so shout out to her for trying to make this happen too.

So no cake and cry watching brokeback mountain, just 5 months of dating to catch up on. As for worrying about how our current schedule could be more date like during lockdown, you were right it's kinda irrelevant when you've essentially been dating the whole time. Though we never made it to our morning run yesterday, in fact we didn't leave the house at all, ha.

Thank you guys for giving me hope, even if all your suggestions completely disappeared in the moment. Maybe I'll show her the post later and ask if any of the suggestions would have worked.

tl;dr: she's gay, into me and I'm an idiot”

End image ID]

#this is for sure already on tumble #but it's so cute #I had to #mine #r/relationships #tw// ed #edit: I'll add a transcript in a minute just gotta figure out how to make it accessible

[sailorvinus]

What are your thoughts on people who goes all out on the aesthetic for their blogs? Do you think they’re have the right to express their creativity however they want? && Other than roleplaying, what’s your favorite hobby?

✨ @deductry. meme. still accepting!

17. What are your thoughts on people who goes all out on the aesthetic for their blogs? Do you think they’re have the right to express their creativity however they want?

i think its fine as long as aesthetic doesnt hinder the ability to make a reply i can read. some people really do be out here triple spacing their words, adding bold, italics, upside down letters, strikethroughs, underline, and everything else and for what???? for a reply that the kids i used to teach could write. and they were like 4 years old. lol. thats sad....... that’s when i know someone’s not confident in themselves

dont rly understand why ppl trend chase. ive noticed ppl putting dividers in their replies now and im just??? mystified???? what is this... what does it add to the reply.... which if ppl wanna do it then fine but please consider this: my blog is pretty and its bad enough ugly icons that dont match them are ruinin the vibe now mfs wanna add a border that is totally irrelevant to the actual reply???? i.......... im gonna get a divider / border like these 2001 old web ones and then force everyone to look at it on their blog then the concept becomes goofy

i think id be fine with aesthetics if they didnt involve those chunky dunky ass container themes with super busy backgrounds + 50 textures, the crispiest color psds, promos that all look Exactly alike, navigation that u cant see, 20 x 20 icons the size of a cheerio, 4px text, the shittiest formatting on this side of lady gaga's america, and actually gave some sort of idk. pizzazz to the muse.

like if the aesthetics are important then at least let them tell a story too. and authentic. not something thats bein done cuz everyone else is doin it. id like to think i go balls to the walls with my blog too but you walk into my blog and you know it’s a myspace era throwback because that’s what my muse is supposed to be.

everyone can do whta they want! but if its uglee imma call it dat so......

30. Other than roleplaying, what’s your favorite hobby?

im a musician before im anything else so im probably in my daw fucking around. producing something. ive recently gotten into ambient electronica / ambient techno production so im finding joy in stringing together a bunch of synths til i hit the 6 minute mark, adding random bitcrush effects, some percussion just so it looks like i actually did some work, maybe a vocal sample of someone whispering.......... and then i delete it gfkldjgslf. im actually working on a beat tape tho. its been a work in progress for the longest time. but if i actually managed to find my voice as an electronic music producer then i guess i could get somewhere. using a daw is new to me. im more of an instrumentalist. drummer and flutist, primarily. but i dont have any drums and my flute is at my grandmas so there's that..............

i also like to read!!! i buy like 3 - 4 books a month. havent bought any since like november. i only bought two i think. but its fine because ill always revisit my recent favorites. ummmmm... video games. i rly like those old school ass niche ps2 era games like mr. mosquito, space channel 5, kinetica, etc.

wow do i luv internet drama. so im probably reading up on someone’s dumb bullshit on reddit or something!! or youtube. i love internet drama, its my favorite thing on the internet. i live for watching people be the very worst!!! other than that??? i like to collect and try out different skincare and research ingredients cuz its just fun. might go to school to be an esthetician when this whole covid19 panera bread is over.

i love collecting obscure jazz records from taiwan.

#( 🌙 OOC! RULER OF THE VOLCANIC DIAMOND PLANET. ✨ ) #/ i dragged a good bulk of the community but that's just how it has to be. #deductry

[growup-gloup]

Hello! I want to hear your advice. I'm a person that grew up with overprotective parents and this upbringing harm me very badly in adult life. I'm literally freaking out about everything I have to do by myself. I have an opportunity in my college to go for a program in another country and gain some experience there. I really want to go someday but I'm freaking out about going abroad alone, especially when I'm even too scared to go to another city by myself. (0t 1)

Like I said, I even freak out about going to another city by myself so I really wants to go but I'm freaked out at the same time. What should I do to become more independent and convince myself to go for this program? Also any advice about how to prepare for going abroad by yourself will be welcome too. I'm really scared that because of my parents, I will always missing out my whole life and I will live in misery because of I'm too scared to take opportunities. So thanks for any advice!

Hi love,

Congrats! Going abroad is a really great opportunity!

Even if you apply now, by the time you get in and the trip begins, you have tons of time you grow more confident in your independence skills. Find out what exactly is it that scares you. Is it the fear that you will get hurt, or that you don’t know what you are doing? It could even be something else, but knowing what scares you will help you overcome it.

For the time being, try to take more responsibilities for yourself in the following ways:

Travel around your city by yourself more often

Bonus points if you use public transport

Also try using an Uber at least once for a place you are comfortable going to, and then at least once to a new place

Run errands by yourself (groceries, appointments, car maintenance, etc.)

Plan a road trip, first with friends out of town, then by yourself

Here are some things to make independent travel wherever easier:

Have a portable charger for your phone that is fully charged

Scope out any place you want to visit in advance online via reviews, official sites/platforms, and from anyone you know who’s been there

Use apps like Google Maps and plot out different routes to and from your destination

Always have your ID and some cash ($20 or equivalent should be good) on hand just in case

Those are things you should be doing regardless, but here is what you can do about your actual trip abroad to make you feel more prepared:

Check out expat websites for the country, or even city of where you want to go

From there, look up things like best/cheapest places to visit, local secrets and whatnot. Follow social media accounts of people who post about local things

Talk to people who live there. If you don’t know anyone, use forums on Reddit or make a post on tumblr

Once you find out where you will be staying, spend sometime on the street view mode on Google Earth and “walk around” the neighborhood. Take notes of local stores, cafes, and resources like the closest hospital/clinic, grocery store, and bus stop/gas station, etc.

If they use a different currency, learn more about the exchange rates and what the going rate is. Tourist hotspots charge a lot more than local places do. Some places put a high price because customers there generally bargain on the price and bring it down to a reasonable amount

If they speak a different language, practice reading some basic words, especially signs and at least speaking the first 600 words of the language so you aren’t completely lost

💋

Ko-Fi

#travel #moving #Anonymous #AMA

[justalitlecreacher]

I’m here to prove that Andrew Garfield’s portrayal of Spider-man/peter parker in The Amazing Spider-Man is objectively the best love action adaptation of the character. In this essay I will....(yes this is really happening)

Edit: 10/20/20- i want to indulge myself in spiderman content but finding non mcu spiderman content is exhausting so imma update this instead

TL;DR

Andrew Garfield is my favorite of the 3 Spider-Man actors. TAS’s Peter is more fun and dynamic than the cookie cutter “shy introverted nerd that has a crush on a girl who’s way out of his league” Peter in Tobey Maguire’s movies. I enjoy Tom Holland’s portrayal of the character, but hate the way Disney has written the movies.  I enjoy the characters, plot, and humor of The Amazing Spider-Man far more than the other 2, and i deeply wish we had gotten the third movie with the canon BIder-Man of Andrew’s (and my) dreams.

[DISCLAIMER: I HAVE NOT SEEN THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN 2 OR ANY MCU SPIDERMAN MOVIES OUTSIDE OF CLIPS AND REVIEWS ITS ALSO BEEN A VERY HOT MINUTE SINCE IVE SEEN A TOBEY MAGUIRE MOVIE]

Characterization

  Most arguments against Andrew Garfield’s Spidey( AG’s from now on) begin and ends with “he was a good Spider-Man but a bad Peter Parker”. This references an outdated post comparing all three Spidey actors.(Id attach the image here but i dont want the post to be too long(thats a lie this is so long what am i doing with my life)) The post also claims that Tobey played a good Peter and a poor Spidey; and that Tom is good at both “roles���.(Honestly I think it seems silly that this seems obey the “third time’s the charm” rule but thats just me).  Most people using this seem to be Tobey stans who have forgotten or ignored the rest of the post funnily enough, but the ones that go further into the WHY AG is a poor Peter are also incorrect. This argument also ignores the idea that there can be more than one version of Peter Parker which is blatantly incorrect.  Just look at Into the Spiderverse or the PS4 game; these provide 4(5 if you count the pig) versions of Peter themselves, and that doesnt even include the comics. 

 Arguments that go further in depth claim that the AS Peter is too cool or well liked by his peer to be a “true” Peter Parker. The evidence for this seems to be that Peter has a skateboard.(which what? didnt realize that having a skateboard would instantly make you cool brb guys). Adding to that i dont really see where people get the idea that Peter is popular or well liked. While looking for complaints i found this qutoe from reddit(theyve since deleted it looks like but i’ll add a link in the notes) “He's angsty, pretty socially awkward, has an aptitude for science, and is kind of an outsider. He gets bullied by Flash and he gets his ass kicked after trying to stand up to Flash. He isn't a "cool" person in any way (until the ending, in which he's best buds with Flash, so I'll give you that). While Maguire is more accurate to the 60s comics where Peter in high school is just a fucking loser with basically no friends, in the ultimate comics, Peter is more of the kid who has a small amount of friends, but isn't popular.”. Honesty i fully agree with this because once again, other versions of a character are allowed to exist. You can dislike one version, but its silly to dislike something for not being exactly like another thing.

Ive also heard that Peter isnt “nerdy enough” in this movie which really doesnt make any sense considering the entire plot happens because Peter was looking into some of his parents’ research. If he wasn't interested in looking further into his father’s work what reason would he have to go to Oscorp where he’s bitten by the spider? Why would he have become Dr. Conner’s assistant? If he wasn’t intelligent how did he develop the web shooters?(something that Tobey!Peter doesn't have to do out of plot convenience might i add).  

 Another complaint i see is that the quips he uses in the movie(the first one specifically it seems) makes him seem like an asshole. Honestly thats a fair complaint, but i think its a good bit of characterization; espcially if he does get better about it in the second movie like the internet suggests.The Peter in this movie is a rightfully angsty teen; of course he acts a bit of an ass to criminals(also i feel like its important to mention that he’s like that to criminals? its not like hes being a dick for no reason).

  Compare this with the Tobey Maguire(TM) movies. Like i said i haven’t seen these in awhile but as far as i’m aware TM’s Peter doesn't really do anything particularly nerdy in the film? I may have forgotten something( ok in the scene before he gets bitten he knows a cool spider fact) but he doesn’t have to invent the web-shooters because they came with his powers and he’s only at Oscorp in the first place because it’s a school field trip that he appears to be taking photos for. This Peter does fit the definition of outcast(friendless and bullied for it), but honestly i just dont like him. He’s weird and something about the character makes me feel like i should be a little grossed out every time he looks at MJ at the beginning of the movie.  

   I honestly don’t have any complaints for Tom Holland’s(TH’s)Spidey. Tom is a great actor and from what ive seen i enjoy his portrayal of the character.( He made me cry when i character i actively dislike died).  

Story

  I cant really say much for TAS story. It’s interesting but nothing special really. However, there is one scene that i don’t think i’ve seen anything like since( the closest would probably be the train scene in the original trilogy). 

 The crane scene. Early in the film Peter saves a boy from a car that has fallen off of a bridge, and at the end of the movie this becomes relevant again when it is uncertain that Peter will be able to get to the lizard to stop him in time.(as Peter is already injured and pretty far from the lizard’s location). The boy’s father is then revealed to be a construction worker who recognizes that Spider-man is going to need help to get to the lizard; he remembers how Spider-Man saved his son and organizes the rest of the construction workers to build a path out of crane arms for SM to swing from. All of them are putting themselves in danger by not evacuating, but SM’s actions in the first act of the film motivate them to do what’s right. 

  I love this scene primarily because it highlights something that i think is a really important part of Spider-Man’s character; his connection to the people he saves. SM is often shown interacting with and chatting with the people he has saved after the fact. One comic shows Peter accidentally scaring some bullies and then taking the time to ride the bus to school with them to continue their conversation and educate the students on bullying.( There’s definitely more but this is off the top of my head).

  Another scene in TAS that i love is shortly before the crane scene when Peter is originally attempting to make his way across the city to stop the lizard, and he is shot down by the police. They manage to unmask him before Peter comes to his senses( he had just been shot and fallen pretty far out of the sky in his defense). From there Peter is able to deal with the police while keeping any of them from getting a good look at his face. The one cop he cant take out happens to be Gwen Stacey’s father who had previously had an argument with Peter about Spider-Man(Peter obviously on SM’s side and Mr. Stacey against SM). Peter turns and allows Captain(?) Stacey to see his face. I believe that this is an example of an unwilling identity reveal done right. i really enjoyed this moment because Peter had just shown that he likely could have gotten out of this encounter with his identity in tact as he had just taken down however many men. This implies that it was an active choice on Peter’s end to trust that Captain Stacey would ultimately do the right thing and allow Peter to go fight the Lizard, rather than a final desperate attempt to get away unscathed. Whether or not this interpretation of the scene is correct or not it still gives the character a bit more agency than some versions have done with their identity reveals.

  In Spider-Man 2 Peter starts to lose his powers because he’s having internal conflict about wether or not he should be Spider-Man. Honestly thats kinda neat and i might want to give that a rewatch. As for the one i have seen i don’t have any complaints. I do however prefer the way that Peter was bitten in TAS because it was a result of him poking around where he shouldn’t’ve been rather than him just happening to be standing in the right place for a spider to land on him. 

  Onto TH’s movies; the way Disney has treated Spidey in the MCU is why TH’s is my least favorite version of the character. I feel like too much of the story revolves around Iron Man; Iron Man made Peter’s suit and equipment, Iron Man introduces Peter to the MCU(via blackmail but thats another rant for another annoyingly long post), its Iron Man that “makes” Spidey in this universe rather than Spidey being self-made. In Homecoming(which remember i havent seen outside of clips so bear with me) most of the conflict is cause directly or indirectly by Tony’s refusal or inabilty to communicate with the teenager he’s meant to be mentoring

 For one the entire incident with the ferry could have very easily been avoided had Tony bothered to communicate with Peter enough to tell him that the situation was being taken care of. On top of that at the moive’s climax Peter is shown trying to get in contact with Happy(from what ive picked up isnt he a chauffeur? like idk his deal i just know he’s someone Peter got pawned off onto after Civil War). Peter even goes as far as to somehow hack into Happy’s phone(i think thats what happened it was a weird tech thing that shouldve been a red flag that the call was important though) but instead of listening; Peter is ignored. If this was a different kind of movie Peter literally could have died and itd be the fault of Happy and Tony like..... A large portion of conflict comes from characters being incompetent and not communicating and thats just poor storytelling.

Before this turns too much into an anti mcu rant id also like to say that the way they did Civil War was really dumb considering that Peter defects to Cap’s side in the comics, but whatever.

 Also i loathe the way they handled the identity reveal at the end of Far From Home. With MCU movies most people know to expect an end credits scene by now, but typically that scene is not important to understand what’s happening in the films; they just aren’t important. Putting an identity reveal here makes it seem significantly less important than it is. On top of that i dislike their use of J Jonah Jameson for this scene.

  JJJ is a character who has been repeatedly shown to have a genuinely good heart. All of his anger comes from a place of love for his city(he even says this hemself in the ps4 game when May writes in to tell him that he needs help). He hates Spider-Man because SM reminds him of the masked man who killed his wife; JJJ has never been able to get past that( and Peter’s antagonism of him definitely doesnt help) However, JJJ has been shown to care for people; he has a son who he often brags about, and one comic shows that JJJ is paying Peter for “amateur” quality photos because he knows that Peter is having a hard time and “just need some help”. JJJ has even learned Peter’s identity before and kept his secret for him(seriously though i cant remember the name of the comic but its defiantly worth the read), and in the original trilogy when Goblin threatens JJJ he claims that he doesn’t know who sends in the photos of Spidey because he does it via email( this is a lie). The MCU will have a very difficult time convincing me that JJJ would ever out a teenager’s identity and put him in danger like that. It goes too far against his character.(this could be hypocritical of me to say considering how i just insisted that multiple versions of a character can exist but whatever ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) 

This is accidentally turning into an MCU rant but id also like to say that i hate the lack of a TH!Spidey origin movie because it gives you no motivaion for Peter becoming SM or explanation of his powers; most people will know these things but if youre unfamiliar with the character its bound to be confusing(and im a sucker for origin movies)

#long post #spiderman #andrew garfield #The Amazing Spider Man #mcu crit #j jonah jameson #can you tell i care a lot? #cause i do #rant #ramble #this was not proofred #like at all #see theres a typo in that tag! #i would apologize but im not sorry

[salt-sass-and-lyrium]

Am I the asshole?

Kinda long, TL;DR at the bottom

(Yes I know this isn’t Reddit, fucking fight me)

Anyway, so many many moons ago back when I was in college and still actively cosplaying and going to conventions and the like, I was “friends” with someone I’ll call Kay. I put “friends” in quotations because me and her were never what I would consider friends, or had any real meaningful relationship. I was just close friends with one of her close friends (who turned out to be a fucking nightmare but that’s a looonng story for another time) and we ran in the same circles. TBH, never cared for her, but I was always polite and sociable, cuz that’s just how I am.

Anyway, many many moons ago I used to follow Kay on Tumblr. Or more accurately, Kay followed me on Tumblr, but I never followed her back (had no desire to).  Kay frequently posted problematic things, reblogged my posts to add just garbage replies (DM me if you want deets) and overall just rubbed me the wrong way. But, we had friends in common so I kept the peace.

When Ferguson happened (note: I am from Ferguson) and I was regularly posting about it, she was reblogging my posts and adding all sorts of shit-tier racist comments. Notably, I don’t know if you guys recall this image (image ID: unarmed black man has his hands up as several police officers armed with riot gear and automatic weapons drawn advance on him)

but I’d reblogged it stressing how horrible it was and how scary it was to be a black person in Ferguson (she’s white and from a predominately white upper middle class area) in general, let alone when the riots were happening, and she reblogged it from me, trying to justify the officer’s actions. Apparently, it should be fine for half a dozen police officers to pull assault weapons on an unarmed man with his hands in the air... well I’m not gonna get into what she said because it makes me mad, but tl;dr “It’s fine because he’s black”. Which was honestly the last straw for me.

Later on, on Facebook (tbh I’d forgotten we were friends) she posted this post defending whales in captivity and supporting SeaWorld (if you want to know why I don’t support seaworld, DM me). I replied back basically saying it’s unethical to make animals perform like that and SeaWorld could better direct it’s income towards conservation rather than exploitation, and she decided in retaliation to go around and tell people that I was this huge racist who had been attacking and stalking her (note: she was like.... just shy of legit cyber stalking me and mutual friend, DM me for the story) and constantly posting racist things, harassing her, yada yada. (Luckily, everyone knew she was full of shit so it didn’t go anywhere). I of course completely cut Kay out.

A few years back, I ran into Kay at a convention. Kay tried talking to me several times, getting me to hang out with her and following me around and my group around, and at first I just ignored her or walked away, but then finally looked her directly in the eye and told her “NO.” She got the message left, and for the most part that’s the last I heard of her.

Until recently. Turns out, we have another mutual friend on Facebook (he’s more of a kinda close acquaintance tbh) in common. I comment on a lot of his stuff since we have a lot of the same interests, and I’ve noticed Kay always seems to be liking or replying to my comments, even when they’re not directed at or have anything to do with her. I’ve continued to ignore her.

Anyway, just a few minutes ago, I got a friend request from Kay, and a message I haven’t even opened, but started with “Hey, I know I was kinda a douche last we spoke..”

Nah Fam, you weren’t just a douche. You were an incredibly problematic racist and liar (who also justified sexualizing children but that’s a post for another time). When called out on it you then went around trying to slander me, which is why we haven’t spoken in at least 6-7 years.

But, on the flip side, it’s been 6-7 years. Maybe she’s grown as a person. Maybe she’s changed. But... tbh I honestly don’t know if I should try and find out

Am I the asshole for just... continuing to ignore her and cutting her off? Should I give her a chance?

TL;DR: I used to have this “friend” named Kay. Kay was all sorts of problematic and had a history of saying flat out racist and bigotted things (not to mention creepy ass behavior). As a result of this, I dropped her like hot fire and never spoke to her again. Years have passed, and now Kay apparently wants to become friends again. Am I the asshole for not at least hearing her out or giving her a chance?

#aita #am i the asshole #advice #personal #relationship advice #long post #tw #tw gun image #tw gun

[bothsandneithers]

Day 3327

I need to hurry up and write this, because I am forgetting how miserable I was. This is not part of an effort to ensure that I don't repeat this process over again (perhaps as some may be tempted to do after childbirth). Instead, this exercise is consistent with my tendency to ask my friends to describe the most uncomfortable and unfortunate parts of their vacations. Who wants to hear a story that could more succinctly be conveyed within the narrow pages of a travel brochure? To adapt this question to the present situation: Who wants to hear a series of events that could be more adequately summarized by a few pages in a student handbook?

I’m sure that someone could have a field day by drawing parallels between giving birth to a child and writing a dissertation. While this is not my story to tell, I have described my experience by drawing upon the image of a mother who harnesses supernatural strength to lift a car off of her child. The listener is then immediately confused, and I then have to clarify that, in this metaphor, I am both the mother and the child, and that the dangerous, debilitating, threat of the car, is my dissertation.

It may be more effective if I am more direct: I want everyone to know that I (as the small child) was quite miserable, and I (as the mother) accomplished something that I thought was more than I could handle.

I imagine that if a car did end up on a small child, then the entire situation would invoke so much stress on the mother that she may not ever be able to recount exactly what happened during those subsequent moments. In a different way, of course, and for reasons I am still trying to understand, I too remember very little from the summer and early fall leading up to my defense.

In the place of memories, I find myself relying on artifacts to represent months and events that I cannot recall. One such set of artifacts are the six or so issues of The Atlantic magazine that have been set aside into a small pile; each one received a small verbal promise that I would open the pages after my defense. Now, as I review the covers, I imagine that they may never be read. Below are some of the stress-inducing cover stories of these abandoned issues:

How to destroy a government: The president is winning his war on American institutions.

How QAnon is warping reality and discrediting science.

The election that could break American.

How did it come to this? Why the virus won.

In the early days of lockdown, when the virus was beginning to take hold of its victory, I read this explanation for why most of us are not thriving right now: In order to flourish, one must be able to play several different human roles over the course of the day -- something that is arguably impossible when we rarely leave our dwellings.1

After reading this explanation, I starting clinging to the argument that the overwhelming reason why completing my dissertation had become so difficult was because of an absence of variability in my human roles. Even though none of my other typically played human roles were terribly interesting (commuter, friend, peer, coffee shop customer, gym patron), each one offered me respite from the singular human role that I was stuck with: The neurotic graduate student.

The neurotic graduate student human role was difficult to be around, because she was always worried about so many things: that her arguments weren't good enough, that there were errors in her code, that she should be able to understand certain concepts that were still evading her, that more time-intensive analyses were still required, and that overturning new stones would reveal that previous analyses or assumptions were wrong or incomplete. More simply, the neurotic graduate student human role was always worried that she was not good enough.

This persona can be debilitating, and I found that the act of writing a dissertation included a lot of time not actually writing, but rather, a substantial amount of time was devoted to sitting in paralyzing anxiety, not able to do anything.

Even though many of the weeks leading up to my due date were a blur, I do recall choosing this time to watch One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Perhaps I did this because misery loves company. I decided to view this odd movie choice in a particular odd format, whereby I watched the movie in 15 minute intervals, across several nights, as if savoring a segmented Toblerone.

I watched the first few segments in stoic sympathy with the characters, but I eventually found myself amused when Jack Nicholson realizes that almost all the residents are “voluntary”:

You can go home any time you want? You're bullshittin' me. He's bullshittin' me right? Cheswick, you're voluntary? Scanlon? Billy, for chrissakes you must be committed, right? I mean, you're just a young kid, what're you doin' here? … I mean, you guys do nothing but complain about how you can't stand it in this place here and then you haven't got the guts just to walk out?

I remember smiling for a few moments at this scene; it was a gentle reminder that I invited this stress into my life, and that I could, indeed, bring it all to an end if I really wanted to. The smile was fleeting, and felt similar to when you are crying, and your friend says something that is true and funny to try and make you feel better, and you laugh and it feels really good but it also reminds you of how bad you feel, and how far away you are from feeling like yourself.

Yet again, someone else might have a field day drawing parallels between today’s academic environment and a fictional mental institution from the 1970s. I can't do this, in part because, aside from that one scene, I don’t actually remember what happens in the movie.

I did, however, voluntarily lock myself in a hotel room to write, because the suffocating familiarity of my home was preventing me from generating any new sentences. A sticker had been placed between the room's door and its frame, denoting that the room had been thoroughly cleaned. Surely this was only intended to be a symbolic seal to provide some peace of mind that it was safe and acceptable to be outside of one's house.

Once inside the room (that seemed no cleaner than in the absence of a pandemic), I did not immediately initalize my plan to write incessantly. Instead, I desultorily found myself on a support group on reddit that was dedicated to "PhD stress." Feeling compelled to write anything that was not my dissertation, I made a post targeted at those who were also writing their dissertations during a pandemic:

What you are doing right now is really, really hard.

Under "normal" conditions, you would be facing a sheer amount of uncertainty with your work (e.g., not knowing how analyses will turn out, not knowing what your advisor will think of your progress, etc). Under these new conditions, you are dealing with the uncertainty of the state of the world (pandemic), the government (upcoming election -- if in the US), as well as your dissertation! These are absurd conditions, whereby any one of these things would undoubtedly have negative impacts on your well being.

For many, you went from having an entire support group of peers, to sitting in your bedroom, day in and day out, trying to come up with novel ideas and effective ways to communicate these ideas.

As such, I urge you to take care of yourself. I urge you to give yourself permission to ignore unwanted criticism that, while in other circumstances you may work hard to address. Now, in this current context, just don't. Give yourself permission to stop perpetuating the idea that your work and your psyche should not be impacted by the fact that nothing is the same right now.

Defend your ideas, yes. And do good work (-- nah, do good enough work). But know that you are defending your work under surreal circumstances. Account for this when you wake up tomorrow, move four feet from your bed to your desk, and try to do the same thing over again.

Overnight, this became the most popular post in the subreddit’s history. Admittedly, there aren’t a lot of members in this particular community (it should also be noted that this post was recently surpassed in popularity by a post entitled, “PhD has destroyed my mental health”). Still, several users responded with something along the lines of, “Thank you. I needed to hear this.”

I needed to hear those words too -- that is one reason why I wrote them. But I was also desperate to play another human role; one who ambiguously could have already made it to the other side of the dissertation defense, and was able to offer encouragement to those close to the finish line.

Soon after my hotel stay, where I eventually did find motivation to write, I was set to defend my dissertation. This was met with the opportunity to transform into another human role: someone who was nearing the end of her graduate student career, and had no choice but believe that her work was good enough.

The dissertation defense took place via video conferencing. I sat at my desk in my make-shift office in my bedroom.

Five kind and smart professors asked me kind questions that made me feel smart.

And that was it.

After the defense, the stress began to fade away. I recalled the wise words that my therapist once said, “It’s remarkable how, after the defense, people just won’t need anything from you anymore.” I made edits to my dissertation and submitted my final version. I dismantled my “home office” and replaced it with a reading chair and a plant. A new issue of The Atlantic arrived in the mail, and now with time, cognitive space, and optimism that this issue would not be as depressing as the others, I started to read.

I opened to an article about a historian who predicts that the United States is about to experience a terrible decade. He blames this on the overproduction of elites. ("There are still only 100 Senate seats, but more people than ever have enough money or degrees to think they should be running the country.") These elites find alternative ways to disrupt the status quo to influence people; the elite overproduction "creates counter-elites, and counter-elites look for allies among the commoners.”2

Although the article was compelling, it did not feel like appropriate material, as one does not work tirelessly through graduate school to then be compared to Steve Bannon.

I continued to the next article which was about young adults (or old children) who post things to a social media platform I’ve never used (TikTok). Not only do they create short videos that are viewed by millions of viewers, but there is an entire industry of these individuals, and they curate their content together in the mansions that they cohabitate (I am yet to grasp the monetization of this endeavor).3

I settled into my chair. Finding myself enjoying my new human role as a casual observer to an unknown world, I thought: What an absolutely absurd life pursuit.

xx,

Amy, PhD

https://nplusonemag.com/issue-37/the-intellectual-situation/epilogue-for-a-way-of-life/ ↩︎

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/12/can-history-predict-future/616993/ ↩︎

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/12/charli-damelio-tiktok-teens/616929/ ↩︎

#phd

[spicyraba-neku]

I know this is mainly Kingdom Hearts, but since it involves the secret ending I thought, ‘I could make this work��, so here’s a few...uhm, lets say ‘imaginary scenarios’ I’ve gotten while reading this wonderful thing.

Oh, before that, this is a different you, but it’s you all the same’s Summary: A different take on the still relatively unknown context of KHIII’s Secret Ending with Yozora being Riku(+Sora’s Heart) set after the events of DDD wherein Xehanort succeeds taking Sora’s body as a vessel and Sora’s heart proceeds to escape to Riku. Everything eventually goes downhill from there.

Yozora's appearance bothered Sora much more than it should have after visiting Toy Box.

On the grounds of Shibuya, Sora meets Yozora... and in truth, it isn't for the first time.

Okay, yes, I’ll admit it. These are headcanons. BUT ONLY HEADCANONS. THEY ARE IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM ACTUAL HAPPENINGS IN WHATEVER KIRI-KAITOU-CLOVER HAS IN STORE FOR THE FUTURE OF THIS MAYBE-SERIES. THIS IS PURELY CONJECTURE.

a lot of fluffy angst with yozora

the name yozora was acutally named by either neku or someone japanese once DDD-divergent riku ends up in...shinjuku, somehow, and wants to combine riku’s nature with sora’s, so, ‘night sky’, like dark sky, etc, etc.

sora in the game giving up...something precious, like maybe his charm? or a base personality aspect of his.

idk if yozora’s also in the game, but id like to think that he is and he’s given up a combined riku-sora stubborness that was responsible for keeping him surviving for, like, years.

the reason yozora’s escaped to either shinjuku or shibuya (and trust me, a lot of other people made the connection to shinjuku, i just forgot where on reddit but its THERE) is because, well. xehanort’s...well, he’s nearly won, having gotten what he wanted, after all.

ventus’s heart is probably floating around in the void, somewhere. idk.

mickey’s trying to find yozora but bc plot convenience shibuya’s a sleeeping world so its not exactly easy to get to.

joshua’s still a dick, but one that’s helpful in informing sora of what he needs to do now.

sora and yozora are partners in the game. maybe. possibly. or not, since it wasn’t clearly stated if yozora was dead or not.

some of sora’s heart personality bleeds into riku, thus, yozora’s like a riku but with sora tendencies. bc, well, riku’s now opened his personal heart hotel since sora’s heart hotel shut down

dont ask me how roxas and xion’s gonna work here. just dont. theyre probably lost forever and im so sorry you guys it aint gonna work. i dont think so, at least. its up to kiri.

OKAY MORE FUN HEADCANONS sora and yozora end up shopping in 104 bc shiki and eri...well, they need models. neku’s VERY happy to throw them into THAT particular wolves den. Thanks a lot, you spicy tuna jerk.

sora’s more a mish-mash of sheep heavenly, wild boar, and jupiter monkey (but they DO need a more..shall we say, colorful variety.) while yozora has lapin angelique, surprisingly, and pegaso styles. idk what happened there, it just is.

they gobble down soft serve whenever, where ever. sora’s sstomach is a black hole and yozora eats REALLY fucking slowly so he’s never on a full stomach. wow, yozora.

sora’s keyblade becomes shockwave pin bc reasons. he’s got fira, thundara, aeroga and curaga as other pins, bc if neku can have six pins active at one point YOU BET im applying it to our sunshine boi. his sixth pin is his gliding ability from DDD

yozora’s pins is that massive heavy hitter neku can do, only in car form bc riku’s keyblade is a fucking car key u think i wouldnt take advantage of that? also the gliding ability bc...DDD divergent? ofc, keyblade pin. that’s three. yozora only has five pins tho, bc...reasons? clashing personalities? anyway, his final two pins are blizzaga and thundaga, only with a dark tone to it. blizzaga is in ice bullet form, so that’s fun.

that’s all i got so far lol

#hope you guys had fun reading this #as much as i did typing it up #i love kiri kaitou clover guys #ive read their fics all the time #theyve commented on mine #and theyre really nice #but i doubt they remember who i am lol #anyways #Kingdom hearts #kh sora #riku #kh riku #yozora #verum rex #ao3 #fanfiction #link #twewy #the mechanics of it at least #pin discussion #lapin angelique #pegaso #hmmm #jupiter of the monkey #sheep heavenly #wild boar #what else #neku sakuraba #joshua #the world ends with you