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wawamouse · 3 months

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Oz Rewatch 3: S2E03: Legs

This week, leading up to the midseason finale, we have another episode that felt a little filler-y. A lot

I'll just bullet point them first to refer back to:

Resolved/continuing from last episode:

Miguel refuses to name Glynn’s daughter’s rapist after learning who it is / Glynn refuses Schibetta's help in getting the name

Diane returns to Em City and gets the cold shoulder from McManus

Kenny's rehabilitation progress regresses after Adebisi interferes

Schillinger out of Solitary, charged with Conspiracy to Murder

Augustus + Beecher tension resolved through extended fart joke lol

Ryan gets his breast tumor surgery

New storyline introduced:

Augustus’s retrial w Said

Giles’s babbling and Sister Peter

The Aryans kill Alexander Vogel, Schillinger starts his revenge plot against Beecher

Busmalis starts digging a hole

Cyril is introduced

Shirley is introduced

Of course, we started out the episode with Sister tittering gleefully over Glynn and Mukada's "lover's tiff". She would be disappointed to realise as the episode progressed that her little soap opera from last week's episode had basically come to an end, though.

[No words; I hear a soft, dejected sigh from Sister over my shoulder]

Unfortunately, Giles is introduced this episode. As I have made clear in my posts in the past, I don't really care much for his storyline or that fact that this is the only real storyline Sister Pete has that is disconnected from many of the other characters she usually deals with. Thinking it over, I believe what might've improved this arc would've been if the lack of resolution over Sister Pete's husband's dead had been introduced earlier on as something affecting her, with the story revolving more around Sister Pete's lingering feelings on the matter and less on Giles and the mystery his babbling presents. I just don't think Giles is that compelling as a character, and if he is really only supposed to be there to unlock some of Sister Pete's back story, I would have liked the whole plot to actually focus more on her.

I sorted of tipsily ranted about it on my Season 1 finale post, but once again something about this bugs me. I don't really have any problem with Said being characterised as arrogant and somewhat foolish, but on this third viewing, I'm starting to see more flaws with the way Said is written. I'm still not sure how to explain it necessarily. In my season 1 rant, I chalked it up to the fact that the writers don't seem familiar with any of the concrete viewpoints a character like Said would have, and therefore he's always just saying vague things about black liberation or prison abolition or revolution or what have you. At the same time, my suspicion that maybe Said is actually sort of just dumb (to put it bluntly) seems like a viable option; Sister mused while we were watching Said boast about Augustus's chances that maybe he was just supposed to be daft about the law... After all, if he understood how things actually worked in the world, maybe he wouldn't be in prison. I think the "Said is actually just that dumb" theory falls flat, though, because in-universe he seems like a pretty highly regarded thinker (except by Querns? lol).

I sort of forget how Said's arrogance plays out in the long run in this season (beyond failing Augustus), so maybe this is a thought I'll put a pin in for now... But I do find it a little 🤨🙄 how he is painted as so delusional in this particular arc. I did sort of think he had been coming down to earth at the end of season 1 after his heart problems but season 2 has him back to doing Too Much. Having Busmalis as the voice of reason, telling Said that he couldn't overthrow the system felt very much like a moment where the writer was speaking to those who Said is meant to represent. Maybe I'm reading too much into that one, but I just feel like it's a cheap move. Of course Said's vague and radical views are going to look preposterous! He hasn't been written from a concrete understanding of any particular ideology or framework! Idk. They should've made Said a communist or something 💀

Anyway.

Moving on, we have a continuation of Ryan's cancer storyline.

I must say, me and Sister were very ???? about Ryan's story to Gloria about how he knew his wife since high school, they impressed their friends by fucking like bunnies minus the babies and then he married his wife because he felt bad she was barren, before cheating on her "a lot" and somehow, the conclusion of this story was... that he didn't want to die in prison? And somehow this monologue earned sympathy points from Gloria? Lol? GIRL? Were you even listening?

Sister: Aw, he does actually love his wife... [long, dubious silence]... I think.

Sister: Ummmmm... what about SHANNON...?

Takeaways & Stray Thoughts:

Sister: I only remember Shannon Me: You only remember her name because she’s pretty Sister: [cackling wildly] That’s true! You know me so well… I don’t even remember the brother’s name—I just remember Shannon saying “what are we going to do about your brother?” 😜… I don’t remember the commissioner’s name… or the girl whose legs we were looking through in that one scene (Diane; there was a scene where McManus was doing sit-ups and the camera was shooting from ankle level behind her) 🥴… I don’t remember the commissioner’s name (Glynn)🤣, or the priest (Mukada)🤨. I remember Sister Peter Marie’s name, but she’s pretty, too... I also remember Miguel’s name but that’s because I’ve become his guardian angel 😌…… Hm, the fiancee (Said’s ex-fiancee) was pretty too… Is Shannon coming back? [sighing, flopping around] Probably not... I bet she'll be too busy supermodeling to be on this show again... 😭

Let it be known that between our episode viewing/discussion and me making some decaf to type this up, Sister kept musing about prison health insurance premiums, at one point saying something about "...She™—Shannon. You know, Shannon?"

Sister: I feel like Mr Religious Guy (Said) is becoming crazy...

New nicknames earned: Miguel, "the rat king" (due to how he tends to hunch his shoulders when he's walking "like a little rat, scurrying around", according to Sister) (frankly "the rat king" is just what she has been calling me all week due to a sweater I have been wearing so I think the name was already on her mind)

The Rat King in motion

I noticed that there were a lot of amusing background details happening in this episode. I wonder if different directors for episodes pay particular mind to having extras do stuff in the background (does the 2nd AD change between episodes? Maybe I should start looking up the crew, too...) Anyway, this episode seemed especially rife with extras amusing themselves in background scenes and moving around more to look busy. Likewise, I feel like this episode had a couple more fun little character/interaction moments compared to past episodes... Augustus and Beecher bickering, Agamemnon "Mm, me too" Busmalis, etc...

Arm wrestling, basketball, reading and walking—all in one shot; Adebisi terrorising Fiona and Tony; McManus keeps ketchup in his important looking cabinet, it turns out; a push-up contest, possibly

Sister: Faces smushed this episode.... two

Why was this episode titled Legs? Besides Diane's leg?

Sister is not a fan of Peter Schibetta so far

During Hanlon's scene with Mukada where he was talking about how he loved to take it up the ass, Sister mistakenly thought I said he was one "one of the gang" instead of "one of the gays", which led her to thinking he was one of the Italians

...Immaculate side eye....

#oz hbo #text #oz rewatch

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boyiiish · 4 months

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❛ ✰ · » havana rose liu, cis female, she/her « i wonder where sage cháng is today … i haven't seen them around but i bet they're browsing for the latest pop records & taking selfies in the changing rooms over at grooves n’ garmz . ah, our beloved sanguine … for a twenty six year old they've never grown out of being so inattentive. don't get me wrong, though, they're also so loquacious, which makes up for it. keep an eye out, anyway, i'm sure they're on their way. you'll know it's sage coming from a mile away, because they're the walking embodiment of heart-shaped sunglasses, loud giggles, hair adorned with brightly coloured butterfly hair clips and sunflowers.

PINTEREST / PLAYLIST

BASIC STATS:

full name: sage lousie cháng

birthday: 12th july 1997 (26 years old)

gender: cis woman (she/her)

sexuality: pansexual

EXTRA TIDBITS:

birthplace: hitheside hospital

current location: hitheside (she still lives in the cháng family home)

family: tao cháng (father), louise cháng (mother), theodore "theo" cháng (older brother, middle child), jude cháng (older brother, oldest child), dawson (the family dog, rescue whippet).

occupation: cashier at her mother's art shop.

character label: the sanguine

BASIC INTRO:

this will be updated accordingly!

sage was born and raised in hitheside, a summer baby, the youngest member of the cháng family, she has two older brothers.

the cháng family are quite well known around the hitheside area, with her father being a doctor at the local gp surgery & her mother owns a small business, selling her artwork, she paints pictures onto driftwood she finds at the beach.

she's always been quite an enthusiastic and boisterous child. after all, she's had to keep up with two older brothers.

her boundless optimism stems from her mother, growing up, her mother often let affirming sticky notes in her lunch box. overly positive/cheesy affirmations decorate the cháng family home.

sage's older brothers and father didn't really care for the overwhelming positivity, they teased their mother about it. but sage latched onto it.

both of sage's older brothers left hitheside and went off to university, to find their own ways in the world. but sage on the other hand realised from a very early age, that education wasn't for her.

but she had no idea what she ACTUALLY wanted to do with her life. she inherited her mother's talent for art and studied an art course at college for a little bit, but she eventually dropped out.

since dropping out of college, sage was given a year to get her life together, but that never actually happened. her parents eventually realised that it was best to late sage figure things out in her own time.

nowadays, sage floats around, having fun and avoiding her problems, like the fact that she still lives at home or the fact she's been working in her mother's shop for a few years & hasn't found another job.

sage is the first person on the dancefloor, the friend who is always there to give advice, mostly because she's avoiding her own problems, the friend with the loudest laugh, she's always smiling & maybe one day she'll have things worked out!!

SAGE'S AESTHETICS:

heart-shaped sunglasses, loud giggles, hair adorned with brightly coloured butterfly hair clips, sunflowers, lipstick stains on cheeks, bright smiles, doing tiktok dances with friends, funky cocktails, belting out pop songs on road trips, brightly coloured lucy and yak dungarees, hands decorated with silly doodles.

please note, this is all a work in progress and will be updated once i've plotted with people. if you'd like to plot with sage, please like this post & i'll message you or feel free to message me on discord @ radcorrie!!

#hitheintro #☆ﾟ*・ﾟ you can always edit a page. you can’t edit a blank page — ↳ ooc

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madness-of-void · 2 months

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The Cosplay Progress (?)

Okay...I'm doing it. I'm showing off the hot mess of progress of the possibly decent, or absolutely hot garbage, cosplay of my version of human!Ink. I do have a nice chunk of the items for the cosplay - just gotta put it together. Most of the putting together can be done in a day, and I have until July to finish it all, soooo...we'll see how this goes! ^^;

Now I'll just post updates maybe every other day, or once a week, since I do have most of it in hand. And it will all be under the cut, since it'll long as fuck. So, without further ado, let's begin, shall we?

First off, this is probably the most ambitious cosplay I've ever done. Normally I do something easy. Examples: Stiles from TW, casual Keith from VLD, and recently (for Halloween) genocide route Frisk. debating on positing what garbo pics i have of those

Flowerfell!Frisk? Probably the most complex I've done, and only because I had to have help make a flower crown, actually use fabric glue for the flowers and little heart on the shorts and flower on the mask , painted up a random prop stick I had lying around no idea why i had that , and did a little bit of faint make-up. And ended up with this:

bad pic i know but it's all i got of the full thing where i don't look like a drowned rat coz goddamn it was hot af

So after that, for some damned reason, I decided it would be a GREAT idea to do a difficulty jump and do Ink! Yaaaaay...I'm so smart. I have been looking at this as a reference for what I need mostly coz i had it saved on my phone already , which has been both motivation to get this done...but also a little intimidating. But I'm already too far into this. Can't back out now!

Anyways, enough rambling! Let's start with the first update on this silly thing!

HOODIE

So, firstly, I already had my eye on the Ink hoodie from Simakai (I'll properly tag once the whole thing is done). I already have the Underfell one that I used for my Flowerfell!Frisk cosplay. I also have the Outertale hoodie, bi pride hoodie, and ace pride hoodie all from Simakai! They are all amazing hoodies, and I actually just bought Epic's hoodie from their new shop! Definitely check them out! They're comfy, well made, and I'll admit I wear my Outertale and Underfell hoodies out sometimes.

The pic doesn't do it justice (hence all the millions of links above), but tada! The hoodie! My biggest worry is maybe tripping on the scarf, but I think I can manage. place your bets coz my ass clumsy

Also, there is a little surprise in it!

Twas quite the laughing jumpscare when I was messing with the pockets.

And that's it for update 1! Stay tuned for more. >:3

~+~

Update 2 time!

Apologies for how garbage the pics are for this part. Space was a mess at the time, and I'm too lazy to redo it. With that out of the way...let's ramble!

PANTS

So, next to the sash for the vials, this was surprisingly the hardest thing for me to find. I couldn't find anything that looked "just right". The first pair that I bought did look just right...but the color was way off. Way too bright from what was advertised. Took me a while to find another pair, and I actually bought two more. one of which i may use for a ftfo!ink Now, the next pair is the right color...but it's just a nice pair of sweats/joggers. Which is a bit of a bummer, but seeings how I cannot sew/make a full blown pair of pants (can barely sew at all), and my stepmom (who can sew) isn't that insanely skilled, they will have to do.

Here is a pic of the pants side-by-side coz for the longest time I was going to go with the first pair I bought. But after putting it together with the top...no. Just...no. Did not look good. You'll have to take my word for it.

And before you ask, yes. I will have assistance sewing on the little suspenders. That will be two separate posts on their own in the future! It won't be just plain brown pants.

So that's it for update 2! Stay tuned for more! if you want i ain't forcing ya lols

~+~

Update number 3! Wooooo!

And it is actually really boring.

Like...royally boring. sorry?

GLOVES

So these were a bit easy to get. Granted, I did buy two pairs, because I couldn't decided initially. It was only after trying them on that I could make a decision.

They are a bit long, but I can live with that. especially coz I am not planning on doing the tatts, that would end terribly And, yes, they are missing that little piece on the pinky. Just like the pants are missing the suspenders. And just like with those, I will be having assistance sewing that piece on!

I could show you want I have of that, but I'm planning on making that one big update.

Okay! That's it! Stay tuned for update 4!

~+~

Update 4! Not another exciting one again. The more exciting ones will slowly trickle in. depending on what you define as exciting

Anywho! Update 4!

SHOES

Yes. Shoes. I know our favorite souless bean doesn't wear shoes anymore...but I have to. No need to get my toes all messed up! Especially at this convention center. Walking around there can be a nightmare! Closed toed or not. 😭

Anyway!

Shoes!

They were sadly kind of expensive, but these were the closest I could find that kind of fit for what I was going for and i looked at custom ones first. Plus, I will be wearing these outside of the cosplay. So I get shoes for cosplay, and shoes for whenever I wanna wear them - a win-win.

But, one more thing! I will also I guess ruin them, in a way. How will I ruin them? Well...I was thinking of adding more splatter to them. Plus, see that pesky logo? Welp...I also had an idea for that.

And I'll just leave this update at that. >:3

~+~

#void talks #nic talks #cosplay fun fun time #this is a wee bit stupid but eh fuck it #i do what i want #not gonna do huge tags for it coz this is just mostly for me and whoever wants to look at my ramblings

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itspetrea · 1 year

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I don't understand people who are like there won't be enough time in s5 for byler to happen because I think you're overestimating how much time it'll take. It really wouldn't be that hard especially with a time jump in there. I'll even do it for you. All you have to do is:

1. Give midleven a breakup scene in episode 1 maybe episode 2. Make it like 2-5 minutes so they can explain all their problems and why their breaking up so audiences can't say it came out of nowhere. Perhaps even bring up the painting here

2- Show Mike pining and reveal his feelings to the audience. This could just him pining or they could do like a vecna vision.

3- Have the confession and the kiss. If they decide to do it after the time jump then El will have more time to get over him and grow it into a nice friendship and no one will be able to say she wouldn't be supportive.

I feel like that the Duffer interview where they talk about how there will no ramp up and the season won't focus on love mislead people. A lot of people misconstrued what the Duffers were trying to say and in the process forgot to use their common sense. By the end of s4 nearly every couple or potential couple is in a state of limbo or at least working towards something in s5. Jancy needs to fix their communication issues, Max needs to wake up, the stancy issue must be solved and rockie have to get together same with Byler. Even Midleven need to talk about their issues. I find it funny how midlevens say this but then don't realise this also means their ship can't progress. I would say even jopper (the most stable ship as of s4) will need to come together to talk about their future and defeat Vecna. They're not going to be fighting monsters the entire time. There has to be character development including romance otherwise it would be a very boring story. We need those nice character moments throughout the story to break up and soften the super natural chunks. It wouldn't be rushed and byler would be a very natural conclusion to the story. This is just another one of the reasons midlevens make up that doesn't actually any truth to justify why they don't why byler to happen.

#I've seen this opinion shared a lot mostly on tik tok and I felt compelled to say something #byler #anti mileven #byler endgame

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projectastray · 9 months

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August Q&A with Questions from Patreon!!

hello hello & welcome to the

🎆 PROJECT ASTRAY QUESTION & ANSWER EXTRAVAGANZA : AUGUST EDITION 🎆

i asked my patreon discord for questions about project astray's development and, given the limited amount of info out there about the game (intentional), i was curious to see what kind of curiosities folks would have!

and now i'll share those here, too! enjoy~

Q from Raccoon:

Q: What was the kind of original idea for Project Astray, like how did you come up with the main idea?

A: This is gonna start way off target, but: Back when I was working at ArenaNet on Guild Wars 2, I designed a story quest that involved a sort of passive stealth system where you were invisible at all times to enemies, unless you wanted to interact with something, in which case you revealed yourself. I thought it was a fun way to solve the 'challenge' problem with stealth in an MMO, where there weren't real systems in place to do stealth that felt 'fun' in a traditional stealth game sense... but still let you feel sneaky. So it became an order of operations problem: if I open this gate with a switch, there's an enemy looking my way, so I have to knock them out... but another enemy is looking at THEM, so I have to wait for them to turn their back, knock them out too, then the way is clear to open the gate.

Anyway that was a fun little mission, but years and years later I still looked back on that design process fondly. I was also starting to think about thematic material for a 2nd game project after ESC... and I kept brainstorming various systems ideas for games centered around my experiences with social anxiety & social stealth. And so I thought that would be a fun idea to explore.

The actual systems that have come out of that initial spark of an idea are very different, but you can probably see some of the origins in there once I reveal the full game's mechanics.

Qs from Nicola:

Q: Are you composing all the music 100% yourself or are you collaborating with someone else one a song or two?

A: Mostly, yes! It's what I'd probably call at 99% me game, where I'm leaving room for possible collaboration or assistance if it sounds fun, but the vast majority of the music will be all me. Naturally! I do have one or two possible collaborations, though, which I'll think more about once I'm in the music phase of development.

Q: Are you still spending time on coding the core mechanics or have you already finished those for the most part, and are starting to assemble the game more? (Iirc in the last update you wrote about working on combat mechanics, so kind of related on its progress)

A: The core mechanics are about 75% there! Everything is in a place now where I can primarily build out content, and the remaining 25% is all stuff that is coming from any time I can't do something specifically as I'd like to, in which case I have to start adding more scripts or actions to enable me to do more with the systems. But the core is solid! I'm still on track to get 'chapter 1' fully realised this year, which is exciting.

Q: What kind of Ashtray is this? Is it a plain metal one, maybe a colored glass one, or a decorated painted ceramic one? (I think you've written something about the working name of the project, but I can't remember what exactly and where.)

A: One of those really old ones with the sort of bubbly glass texture, fully transparent, with a frosted crescent moon baked into the bottom of it.

In all seriousness, Astray!! Thematically it'll always feel relevant. Lots of things are astray in the game, its characters and setting. "Away from the correct path or direction". But who defines what is 'correct'? Where are they going? All important key words and concepts to think about.

As a bonus fun fact: the final game title also starts with 'A' but doesn't involve the word 'Astray'.

Qs from LaurentDS:

Q: what are things that you learned from your years of experience making music that helped you in the non music related aspects of Project Astray

A: Pacing, mostly. I always think of storytelling and gameplay and transitions in games in terms of the pace they take in a musical sense. What tempo is this all running on? How will it feel if it takes X seconds to happen, can I speed it up? Slow it down? Getting it all to feel right and 'in tempo' with itself is a really important part of design for me. And it also makes composition a lot easier, or even composition can help make finding the tempo easier. Because once it all meshes, nothing will (hopefully) feel out of place or rushed or sluggish.

Q: Your music and Project Astray are done in parallel. How do you juggle between those? Do you see it as a way to break artist block (work on one when you need a break from the other, etc)?

A: Yeah, absolutely. I still think of my music work as my 'main' job because it's for folks that have hired me for my time, so I always place a priority on that and fitting the development schedule. But when I do have a choice between game design work & music work, one absolutely helps me bounce back and forth if I'm feeling stuck in one area or the other.

Q: What has been the most fun aspect or detail of its development that you want to share?

A: Honestly, getting all the gameplay elements into a state where it's actually super fun to just sit down and play for a bit... There's still a lot of work to do, but seeing the possibilities now that it's in a state where you can play for a bit, it's so exciting to potentially get more friends in and testing it out so I can see how it feels for real people that aren't thinking about it every single day.

Qs from Jodie:

Q: what parts of Project Astray's development do you plan to share in things like teasers or update posts, if you choose to share anything? Will it be limited to character showcases and some screenshots or will we also get the occasional technical post if that interests you?

A: I'd love to delve into technical aspects once I am at a place where it makes sense to talk about those things!! Obviously not until I've revealed more about the game, but coding is a fun troubleshooting game that I'm always game to share anecdotes about.

Outside of that, yeah absolutely character showcases are among my next things to share... There's a lot to get into.

Q: Once it gets close to release, are you planning to release Project Astray as an early access title and release the game in chapters or do you plan to release it all once its 100% complete?

A: I definitely won't be doing early access. I don't think it plays well with a linear story game. The only early sort of thing I'm considering is doing a 'demo' of the 1st chapter before releasing the full game, but the timing & decision on that are pretty unknown until I get far enough along that I feel confident about it. And especially with a personal project that will be many years in the making, showing stuff earlier might help build excitement for the final thing. None of that is final, though, it's just me thinking out loud.

Qs from Aeris:

Q: What are your inspirations for the game's setting/world? And are there any aspects of magic/otherworldliness to the setting?

A: There's so much about this question that I can't quite share yet, but I will try to answer it without revealing everything: The sense of 'otherworldliness' is going to be very high. While there will be a concrete world to explore, not everything might seem logical or real. This has a lot to do with the setting itself. As a normal person in this world, things might change one day and leave you wondering if what you remembered is really true, or if it's always been like this. Time might suddenly advance with a gap in perception. You might dream of another state of existence, so real and tangible, and then wake up and go back to your usual routine. But there's a nagging in the periphery of your mind that it isn't right. That you were supposed to do something else. Our main characters have felt this deep down and have pushed past the instinctual drive to return to normalcy. They've chosen to EXIST, and whatever that might entail.

Q: also, not super important, but what engine are you using for the game?

A: GameMaker Studio!

Thanks so much to all my discord dreamers for their really thoughtful questions!! I had a lot of fun answering these, and hopefully they give you even more insight into the game at this early stage.

Until next time~

#project astray #indie games #indie dev #game dev #indie game dev #finding tag permutations is my passion #q&a

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nicoleyellow8 · 1 year

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2023 Goals :)

Hi, my name is Nicole, going by @nicoleyellow8, and I've created this Tumblr blog dedicated to self-improvement and learning... Soo... to get a productive 2023 started, I've done a little mindmap to see what I want by the end of this year, and what I should prioritize!

I've listed what I need by the end of the year -- some of these include getting into the IB Diploma program, preparing well for that, and doing well on the AP Biology exam in May this year (praying for a 5!!!) There's more, of course: efficient and consistent violin practice to reach my goals, getting to a higher French level, maintaining my Chinese progress, etc. !! That's only what I need, though. What I want is another story... I've included those in the mindmap too. For one, I'd love to learn oil painting! I would love to be able to learn another language on top of the two I am learning currently... I'd even love to travel to the language's country to speak it! Good goals need to consider both your wants and needs so that you can progress in your professional life while still meeting your personal desires.

How to Approach Goal-Setting

Here I take from Ali Abdaal's amazing video, "I WAS WRONG -- How I set goals" on YouTube, to summarize what exactly makes up good goal-setting. There's no point in setting a goal without enjoying the process of getting there... If not, you would constantly feel unhappy about your current situation until you get to your goal's endpoint.

So it would make sense to focus instead on creating a system, little daily habits that bring you forward, so you can enjoy the process, rather than solely working towards an abstract goal.

That doesn't mean having an endpoint is wrong. In fact, it's important to set a goal and have a direction. Without a goal, the system becomes aimless and there becomes no point in fulfilling these mini habits. A good system and clear goals come hand in hand.

As Ali Abdaal describes, there is a "Yin-yang" quality to it, where you should have a balance of self-acceptance and self-improvement. You should strive towards being better while still accepting your current state. You should, instead of comparing yourself constantly to the best, take some time to also compare yourself to the former you. Celebrate the progress you've made over that time -- it'll give you the energy to strive forward. An inspirational quote to get you started:

"What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him." - Victor Frankl

Funny thing, just the other day I had completed a huge, personal goal, and rather than feeling the joy I thought I would've, I felt more of a sense of emptiness. Frankl states it perfectly here, we love the journey of getting to our final destination, not necessarily the destination itself. This would explain why working for something is so much more satisfying than when it's easy to obtain. Working for money, working for a better life, working for love.

My Personal Goals

After interweaving wants and needs, I've come up with some 2023 New Me priorities to get started on! For each of these, I'll be spending some time making a good system and some great habits to go along with them.

Get into the IB Diploma Program (IBDP), this is the next step to my future!

Work HARD in my French, especially since I love language learning :)). It will also help me in IB French.

Get a 5 on the AP Bio exam -- and learn more to solve a real-world biology problem...

Efficiently and Effectively practice violin... Maybe learn a dream piece, or brush up on pieces I already know (like Czardas) and make pieces performance-ready, instead of relying on retaking videos.

Make some time for health. Get a good amount of sleep each night and exercise consistently. Have some free time with friends and personal hobbies, like oil painting, too!

Of course, these will be refined in a later post! For now, I think I have a good idea how I should work towards a better me.

That's all for now, take care!

#stay productive #life quote #motivation #goalsetting #study blog #productivity #studying #new year new me #ali abdaal #metacognition #life goals #learning #ibdp #betterlatethannever #life improvement

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cschwab · 1 year

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Mom’s Art Day: November 2022

It's a beautiful sunny fall morning, perfect for cloistering myself in my office my husband to take our kids to the park while I work on some paintings!

Planning for today:

Now that I have all of the reds I wanted, I’ll start colour mixing experiments for Strawberry Jam and Raspberry Jam. The first thing I'll do is make a number of mixtures of approximately equal amounts of two colours (Transparent Red Iron Oxide & another red) and swatch them. When the swatches are dry, I’ll compare them to the jams I’m basing the painting on and decide how to proceed.

Because mix batches of paint and end up with leftovers, I like to make “fun” paintings to use them up after I finish a project. This month I’m going to start working on a painting to use up leftovers from Rita & Thérèse. I have a third canvas of the same dimensions as those two (I bought three in case I messed one up), so I’m thinking I will play on their design with a rhombus and add a vesica piscis. And I haven’t made a stitched painting since art school, so I would really like to stitch the outlines of the shapes. I’ll have to figure out whether or not that’s actually feasible with what I have on hand.

I keep not working on my Hair Calendar mock-up even though that project is very important to me. Without a deadline, needlepoint projects usually happen while I’m waiting for paint to dry, and there just hasn’t been a lot of that these past few months, because I’ve needed to use that time for nursing breaks with my younger daughter (and maybe also because I've been liveblogging... I will have to pay attention to how much time I'm sinking into posting about art-making during my art-making time). I might have to prioritize this over paintings one of these months so I can actually make some progress on it.

I have coffee! I have muffins! I can see the waning gibbous moon from my office window! It's art time!

#mom’s art day #process

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dzpenumbra · 1 year

Text

3/20/23

Today didn't feel like much, but I actually got quite a bit done. I finished another 5 runs in the desire path project, the path is now pretty much done, actually. It's crazy how quickly it came together, I really wasn't expecting it to be that fast. 15 trips back and forth was all it took. Visual markers made a huge difference, which... I guess... is what trail blaze is about, so... makes sense. But it was crazy how quickly that turned into just... barely wandering at all.

I spent pretty much the rest of the day working on my hoodie. This was the result... I am now actually kinda regretting having bought so many of these fabric pens. Because the fabric paint that I bought? I'm basically using exclusively that. And it was kind of an impulse buy. I did a lot of area fills with silver and white today, and... I actually ran out of silver. Halfway through a ring section. And the silver paint I have does not match that pen paint at all, so I actually had to paint over the progress I had made. But transitioning into the paints unlocked some doors for me. I don't know why I've been so averse to using paint brushes... stubbornness, I guess? Pencil/pen has been my primary medium for ages, but I was forced to major in Painting and painted a ton because of it. Haven't really painted much since, now that I think of it... maybe that's why it's so foreign... just never really made the time for it, I guess.

But painting is actually working pretty well. It takes a bit longer to get solid lines because you don't have a solid sturdy applicator(? I don't know what word to use there) of color. The paint brush bends, basically, and pens are sturdy, that's what I'm trying to say. That has its advantages and disadvantages. But painting came back super quick, and very naturally, I'm having no real problems with it. Except... buyer's remorse... I got a ton of these pens, all different colors.

They aren't bad pens, I mean that. The color is very opaque, they don't really smell at all... which is nice... good flow... They just don't have a lot of ink in them. And the ink is basically paint, so... I might as well buy paint and get... more paint for my buck... right? And the paint, ultimately, is better quality. The silver is very vibrant, very impressive. So yeah. I'll definitely use the pens. I have lots of uses for them. But, in the future, I'm opting towards these paints instead, especially for large-scale pieces.

I did laundry, that was a win. But that... was basically my day.

For real. I did yoga, I ate cereal and did the desire path thing, I showered, I worked on the hoodie, I did laundry, I ate dinner, I worked on the hoodie, I played Noita for like... 15 minutes... until it crashed... and here I am. That's all, that was my day.

I was considering going skating, but I got sucked into... Civilization-style "one more turn" mode. I was making the desire path, and went... "yeah, I just have a few more sections to do, I'll wrap that up real quick, shower, then I'll go skate a bit." Then when I finally wrap up and look at the clock? 6:50PM.

I honestly... I have no idea how the sidewalk conditions even are. I haven't left the building since I skated during the storm, that was almost a week ago. If the sidewalks are good, I really should put this plan into effect: reserve the shared car, ride my hybrid board over there, drive to the skatepark, buy a new skateboard and a helmet, skate for a bit to break it in. That sounds like a good way to spend an afternoon. It's just... something I have to plan a little in advance (I think) due to the car reserving thing, and... hasn't been synergizing well with this PTSD going-to-bed-at-dawn bullshit. I'm sure writing this at 4AM is doing me favors...

I will get there, I mean it. I mean... on weekdays, the park is open until 8PM... That's easy as fuck to make work. The only caveat there is... skating back to my apartment in the dark after dropping off the car. I have no lights at all, I usually wear pretty much all black, I need to get that figured out ASAP before I take that thing out at night, that's unbelievably unsafe.

So yeah, I guess I'll gauge that as I go.

I had that kinda stuff lingering in my mind today. What do I even go and do to meet people? Where do I even go? I mean... eating out is so goddamn expensive. Like... I'm trying to envision it. Do I go to this American cuisine/bar place nearby and get dessert there for like a $12 slice of cheesecake that could fit in my palm, and just sit at the bar and eat that and hope the people nearby are even remotely similar to me? Do I go to this boardgame cafe and pay a $6 entry fee to... just kinda lurk around because it's supposed to be a place you bring a date or your friends to to play games together? Do I go to a trivia night at the bar up the street and sit in the corner and play by myself because I don't know anyone? Every one of these options sounds awkward as hell, and not worth the effort. At least with the skatepark, I have something I can actively do. I can embarrass myself in skating ways, instead of awkward loitering ways.

Since I was 17, I had a tool to smoothly escape awkward social situations, and to meet new people. It was called a cigarette. Not sure if you've heard of them, they're pretty rare nowadays. They're basically leaves from the tobacco plant that are dried, shredded and rolled in a tube of paper, with a synthetic fiber filter at the end. Like a joint, but with tobacco. Um... god, I feel like I'm losing the reader here... um... OH! Like a vape pen, but like... using the actual natural plant that the concentrated liquid is extracted from. Those things.

Last night, I was writing a comment to someone who was posting in an online smoking cessation support group I had been a part of off-and-on for like... 10 years. They had severe anxiety and panic disorder, they wanted to know if quitting was going to make their anxiety more severe. First... duh. Second... bro, there are much bigger things you need to worry about than 2 weeks of being super stressed out. I wrote a bunch and then deleted it, because... I've just been doing that a lot lately. I just... ugh. I feel like I'm going to get pounced on if I post anything at all on Reddit, it's such a fucking cesspool lately. Also, PTSD.

But I was writing about exactly this. How that person who has been smoking since they were 16 really needs to talk to their therapist pronto about developing some kinds of tools for a) stress management, b) getting out of social situations (stepping outside regularly), c) meeting new people (approaching and smoking with people), d) getting up and periodically moving throughout the day. If they are anything like me, these will be dramatic changes, and cigarettes become completely entwined with your life that way. The only way you get up and step outside? To smoke. Your reward for accomplishing something? Cigarette. Overwhelmed by a group event? Step outside and smoke. Wanna go somewhere more quiet? So does your cigarette. Hey look, some people smoking, I can casually approach them and ask them what they're up to, I fit in there.

Being crammed into "smoking areas" built a sense of comradery, which... for those of us who have an aversion towards extroversion... and try to respect peoples' boundaries to a paranoid degree... became a bit of a dependency for socializing. So... yeah. I'm feeling it big time. And I really, really wish weed could fill that void for me. I really do. And maybe someday it might. But right now? It just makes me feel like I'm sitting and chatting with a bunch of Russian spies or reptilians or organ harvesters, or whatever sci-fi bullshit my imagination is on that day.

But here's the sad part - which, I guess, is kind of a good part? I guess? I don't know anymore... - even if I said fuck it and picked up that insanely expensive habit again... I really don't think anyone around here fucking smokes anymore. I really don't see a lot of people out smoking, not even outside of bars. Not like it used to be. I smell tons of people smoking weed in their apartments, like... at least half of the apartments out of the 11 apartments between me and the mail room door. But I don't think people really smoke cigarettes as much anymore. Which, to me... honestly... is weird... since alcohol is like... clearly a much more dangerous substance, in pretty much every aspect I can think of, really. People just... don't like smoked substances. Kinda like they think skateboarding is dangerous when it's "loud", and then a bicycle flies by at twice the speed, with half the wheels, and is a giant pretzel of metal that could severely fuck up anyone it hits, and they barely bat an eye. That whole Karen syndrome, where science is simply a tool used to push an agenda.

But hey, after what happened last time they tried to get rid of booze? I don't blame them for never trying again. I guess smokers are bigger pushovers. It's easier to push around chronically depressed, anxious messes than it is to push around raging alcoholics. They are literally some of the most dangerous people on the planet, imo.

Have I made my case? XD

I honestly am not even sure I'd want to smoke again even if I did get those advantages back. I don't miss the shortness of breath. I don't miss the dizziness. I don't miss stinking all the time, despite it "covering up" other smells and providing me a sense of anti-anxious security. I just need to develop a habit similar to it.

What am I going to do? Go out to the parking lot and just... stand there for 5 minutes and look at my phone? Every 2 hours? Just approach people who are smoking and just sit with them and not smoke, just go "hi, I came out here to try to meet people the only way I remember how." Any options there that don't make me look creepy as shit?

Everywhere I look, every option is awkward as fuck!

Except for going to the skatepark. So... that's bumped to the top of the list. But now, it's 4:30, so I really gotta wrap things up here if I have any chance of making it tomorrow.

Lots of good work done today, and my orchid got watered, so no worries there. I'm so glad it's still doing well, I feel like I've had that thing for like... 2 months or so now. Still looks healthy, too!

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

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hollowedwing · 3 years

Text

Isekai-ed into Hawk's Life

Hawks x gn!winged!Reader

Warnings: ⚠️ Death!(at very beginning, it is an isekai), mentions of death throughout, some angst(??maybe not yet??), slight cursing

THIS WILL NOT FOLLOW A SPECIFIC TIMELINE IN THE MANGA

(so sorry i just, love, love, the idea of having wings)

(this is all my art, it is on IG, im just too embarrassed for people who know me irl to potentially find this xD Even though none of them have tumblr 👀 if you somehow recognize it...props to you?)

_________________________________

tbh, I can’t decide if I want this to have more than 1 part.

Word count: ~1,800

_________________________________

You were on your way home from a long evening at your part time job. Before that you had already taken 2 finals that morning too.

You dragged your feet, exhausted, as you headed towards the crosswalk. Stopping at the edge as the traffic light turned green, you decided to pull out your phone and decided to watch a speed paint from your favorite artist who recently released a new video.

It just so happened it was a Hawks speed paint 👀

The light turned red and you slipped your phone into your pocket as your started to make your way across the street

little did you know this would be the last time you'd cross the street

A wild driver came barreling down the road, no regards for civilians or traffic lights, probably drunk or high or just someone out for blood.

You stood there like a deer caught in headlights as your life flashes before your eyes

You can barely comprehend what's happening as you felt pain engulf your body and suddenly you were unconscious

________________________________________

Keigo tiredly stumbled into his large apartment, kicking off his shoes and shrugging his jacket off by the door

He wants nothing more than to just flop down and pass out. The HPSC has been giving him hell lately about god knows what.

He let out a long sigh and headed towards the bathroom to do his nightly routine

As he finishes up, he drags his feet towards his bed and flops down face first into the comfort of his pillow and sheets

Keigo falls asleep almost instantly after getting into a comfortable position, worn out from a long day of work

What he wasn't expecting was a loud "thud!" coming from the main room. He jolts up from his bed, feathers ready to attack.

*******

Reader's pov(?)

*******

You groaned as you hit the floor. Your head was spinning and it feels like a truck just hit you

oh wait...

You suddenly became more alert, looking around in a panic, expecting to either be on the road and injured or in a hospital of sorts. What you didn't expect was a wooden floor inside of a random apartment.

You felt around your body for any signs of injury, but all you found were a set of wings on your back- wings?? Hold up. Why did you feel wings what kind of sick joke was this?

Your thoughts were racing as your breathing picked up. What was happening? Didn't you just get hit by a vehicle? Why are there wings in your back? Where are you even?

Feeling around in your pockets, you found your phone and whipped it out, trying for anything. You turned it on, the harsh light of it illuminating your face, you tried to send a text to your best friend, but alas, it wouldn't go through. Actually nothing on your phone seemed to work. You checked your location settings, for some reason it said Musutafu, Japan.

Wasn't....Wasn't that the location that most of Boku no Hero Academia took place?? This can't be right, this has to be a dream right? There's no way that you could have actually ended up here unless...

Then it hit you.

You read your fair share of isekai series back when you were alive in your realm. Mostly manhwas of characters getting reborn into another person's body, but, never actually reincarnating as yourself into another world.

That was the only thing you could think of. You must have been reincarnated into the Boku no Hero Academia world. Except as yourself.

In all honesty, this is not how you thought you'd go out. You didn't know what to expect after death, but this definitely wasn't it. After all, this was a fictional setting, wasn't it?

Well, not anymore because now you're living in it! Smh.

That would also probably explain the wings on your back. This was you now. You have a bird quirk.

Now, all you have to do, is figure out where the heck you are.

Just as you are about to stand up, feathers zip towards you, pinning you to the ground

You hear footsteps begin to come towards you. You don't know if you should be scared for your life considering you've already died once or ecstatic because, you knew for a fact, this could be none other than Hawks' apartment.

The winged hero finally emerges and stares down at you, crossing his arms over his chest.

He says in a low, gravely voice from sleep, "Who are you, and how did you get into my home?" You stare back up at him and nervously chuckle.

"I'm not sure you'd believe me if I told you." You nervously sigh out.

"Try me." He demands, sounding a little more irritated now. You sigh in defeat and start to explain your situation.

"Do...do you know what an isekai is?" You said sheepishly while turning your gaze away from his. He kind of gave you a confused head tilt and just a vibe that said “No”. You sigh again and explain it to the best of your ability. Hawks becomes more and more interested and confused as you talk, but nods a long slowly.

“So...you were reborn here, but as yourself? Wait- does that mean you died before!?” He asked, disbelief and fear ran through his eyes. You looked at him in bitter amusement.

“Apparently I did. The last thing I remember of my world was getting hit by some truck or car. The dude clearly did not know how to drive. I had the right of way I was pretty sure at least. I mean, the light was red, usually that means pedestrians can cross the street? And plus he was going wayyy over the speed limit,” you begin to ramble on, the reality of actually dying setting into you. Hawks noticed the panic beginning to set into you and released you from his feathers. He crouched down next to you and grabbed your shoulders gently.

"Hey, hey, hey, look at me, you're ok now, right? You're here, and not dying in the middle of the street still. You're here. In Musutafu," he said trying to calm you back to reality. Well, what was your new reality. Your mind was racing. Trying to put together a coherent thought.

You look up to him, with a panicked look still in your eyes, thoughts started to come out of your mouth as your brain was trying to catch up with the situation. "I'm... I'm in Boku no Hero Academia and, and you’re Keigo... standing... right in front of me..I have wings. I have wings? Jeezus I have fucking wings. And I’m dead in my own world. I don’t know anyone, well, wait, technically, I do know people, just-Oh gods! I’m so sorry, that name slipped out! I- I, I’m really sorry Hawks." Even in your wild state, you noticed Hawks tense up at the sound of being called Keigo by a total stranger, and were able to get out an apology. That was progress? You were slowly coming back to reality.

Hawks froze up a bit at the sound of hearing his real name mentioned. At first he wasn't sure if he believed your tale of the isekai situation, but after this he might have to reconsider it. He opted to shake off that weird feeling for now and focus on different matters.

" I-I don't know what I'm supposed to do now? I have nowhere to go or to stay. I'm in a whole different freaking universe! My phone doesn't even hardly work here. And I have a pair of wings on my back!" You puffed them out angrily. Hawks glanced behind you and his eyes widened a little. You in fact, did have a set of bird wings. Kind of owl like wings. Not near as big as Hawks', but definitely big enough to fly you around.

Before Hawks could process the words coming out of his mouth, he was already asking you, "Would you maybe like to stay with me? I can help with your quirk too." He glanced away awkwardly. You looked towards him in disbelief.

"Dude, are you sure? We literally just met like 10 minutes ago? I mean, I'm all for it, I have nowhere else to turn to, but if you really really don't want me here, I will politely step out of your life." You so badly wanted to accept his offer on the spot, but being the considerate, mostly sensible human you were, you gave him the option to back out. Hawks shook his head.

"No, no, it's alright. You can crash here. Uh- I mean- stay here! Sorry!" You giggled at his comment.

"Well thank you very much!"

"It's all good. I have a spare bedroom you can occupy for the time being. I'll give you some clothes to sleep in that'll hopefully fit. Accidentally bought a couple things in the wrong size without looking. " (a/n: just...just assume its your size, or oversized, whatever's comfy idk) He jumped up and headed towards his room to grab you the clothes. You still sat on the floor. Still amazed at everything that was occurring.

Hawks walked back into the room and tossed you the clothes. "Hey uh, you know, you can get up now, sorry for holding you down earlier.."

You blushed and scrambled to stand up, "Oh no! It's ok! I understand. This would definitely warrant that kind of action. Some random stranger crashes into your apartment at like 1am. I completely understand. Honest."

He let out a small laugh and wearily brushed his fingers through his hair. The adrenaline of everything finally wearing off. He could feel the tiredness setting into his aching muscles again. “Ah, well, I’m going to head to bed now. The room is down the hall at the very end that you can stay in. I’ll take you out training tomorrow evening if that’s alright?”

You gave a nod of understanding and followed him down the hallway. “Goodnight Hawks,” you sang as he walked into his bedroom. He gave a hum of acknowledgment and closed his door.

Making it into what was now your room, you changed out of your clothes so fast, eager to rid yourself of the past hours events.

Not gonna lie, you could not figure out how to properly get your new wings into the shirt, even with the holes and snaps in the back. Your mind was too exhausted to even process this new skill. So you ended up going to bed without the shirt on and just settled for putting the sweatpants on.

You figured it’d be good to just pass out asap. You were sure if you tried to recount the recent events, you’d spiral into a panicked mess.

You shut your eyes tightly, willing yourself to sleep, trying to only think of positive outcomes for the future. But to be honest, you didn’t know enough about anything in this realm to think rationally about anything good.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I prooobably didn’t proofread this as much as I should have

#hawks x reader #hawks x gn!reader #hawks x winged reader #bnha x reader #bnha x gn!reader #bnha x gender neutral reader #keigo x you #takami keigo x reader #keigo takami x reader #ahHHHh i really hope this ok???#feedback might be nice? idk Dx #I'm still not in the flow of fanfic writing DX its been 5 years #geeeeZ #also I apologize for the amount of ellipses that i use #thats just how I text/talk kinda #isekaied into hawks life

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ecclais-fouoras · 3 years

Text

Falling for someone like you

Chapter 9 ? What a day

Previous chapter here

Tags : fluff and slight smut warning ⚠️

The next day went swiftly, you both had a great time at the mine and then the museum, afterwards you both went out for dinner, in the small restaurant she had spotted before. Wilhemina offered to pay since you had already done so much for her those few days. "I insist baby..you've been amazing and I was the one who suggested it... Let me get this one"

"Okay fine...don't make a habit out of it you know I love to spoil you, my darling" you had responded placing your hand on her cheek. That night you had gone to bed early, exhausted from the day spent. Your lover laid by your side, your arms around her protectively and her leg draped over your body, and fingers upon your collarbones. "Y/n ?"

"Mm ?" "What are we gonna do tomorrow ? I tried to find something to vis..."

"Amusement Park"

"Huh ?"

"Tomorrow that's what we're doing"

"Oh...you do kn..."

"I checked if it was something you could do, and there are many attraction available"; "Good..." She said before yawning. "Oh baby sleep you're tried"

"I don't want this day to end"

"It doesn't have to...in your mind never" You turned slightly, putting your hand around her hip and under her head, and hers went to your neck. Your legs found the spot between hers and the one still on top of your body. On Sunday you woke up a little bit early to pack stuff in the car before traveling to the park, your girlfriend watching the landscape pass by the cars window. Your eyes fixated on the rood and right hand in hers on her thigh. You arrived and went inside. The place was kinda crowded but since Wilhemina couldn't stand for too long waiting wasn't a problem, you could easily enter attraction in another line. "I hate their faces when they see me cut the line" she said growling from anger and you caressed her hair while explaining "Hey baby... You're not cutting line, your simply taking another one. If they don't like it they can try and live all their life in a body that aches like yours. They'll see if taking that line is worth the trouble."

"I guess you're right"

"I am...if they aren't happy about it they can suck my dick"

"OH so they can but you barely let me do it ?" You playfully feigned being offended and slightly pinched her arm. "That's not even true.."

"It is. Whenever I wanna do it you don't pack"

"Well I'm not going to pack every single day love"

"Well at least some of them baby"

You giggled and subconsciously started walking towards a small Russian mountain.

"Are you up for that mina ?"

"Of course. I'm up for anything", "You Sure ? It seems pretty scary". "It's not. Besides if it wear it would say not for people with back problems"

"Okay okay... Well when you throw up just make sure it's not while the wind is in our way."

"Haha very funny"

:read more:

She said as you took her hand and leaded her to the side line, after a few minutes you got in the seats. Wilhemina held your hand a little tighter than usual, so you nuzzled behind her ear and told her she was more than safe with you. She relaxed a bit and then screams and squeals of joy were the only thing that could be heard. You both moved throughout the park, doing things left and right, pointing at beautiful landscape and designs. You stopped at a flying swing and encouraged wilhemina to come with you and do it together. But she didn't seam to keened on it. Even as you took her hand and tugged her towards it she held her ground. The mushroom tower started to rise and everyone started cheering as the chair flew around in circles and people moved in their chairs."Look it's fun honey" "It's for kids."..."No. It's not. Watch there are plenty of adults her and besides it didn't bother you in the flying elephants."

"That was different"

"Absolutely not, look if it's because you don't stand the movements it's okay, but at least tell me"

"I do stand it" you went closer to her, your hands on her hips as you kissed her cheeks "Babe tell me what the real problem is, no bullshit please"

"I don't have. Anywhere to put my cane in there."

"Well we can leave it in the entrance"

"I'd rather not"

"Why, you don't need it during the ride, and I'll get it for you at the end baby"

"Who knows what will happen during the ride. I don't want to find it broken, not only because you gifted it to me, but because it is my life, I refuse to let it be broken or lost by those incompetent people"

"Hey..hey no need to insult anyone here, baby I know that, but just like when you go to bed you leave it to the side, you can let them take care of it"

"I..."

"Baby I promise nothing bad will happen"

"How can you do that"

"I'll make sure it doesn't, do you trust me ?"

"Of course I trust you. I just don't trust anybody else"

"But you learned how to trust me, so maybe you can try and give a little trust to that"

"Fine. One session"

"Yay ! I promise you'll love it" You said as you both went to it, and as soon as wilhemina was sited you went up to the people managing the attraction and asked them to keep her cane during the ride.

"Oh and by the way. If anything happens to it. Even the slightest impact, i will make sure you all lose your job, and ruin your reputation so much no one will go to a park that is unacceptable with disabled people."

"..we..yes. well, we will take good care of it"

"You better do." You went back and sat just next to Wilhemina on the double sided chair. "Did you te..."

"It's okay baby. They'll handle it carefully"

"Oh okay..." The swing raised above the floor, and progressively your feets hanged down as they stopped touching ground and The ride began. the wind hit your face faster and faster and you both smiled and yelled as it spined. Wilhemina had to keep her hand on her skirt so it didn't lift up and give everyone else a great view and you giggled. You whispered in her ear as the world around you kept turning and turning. "Don't traumatize these children and get arrested for public nudity I'd hate to have to get you out of jail and runaway together..."

"Is it weird of it actually sounds good"

"Depends on which part"

"The last bit you fool"

"Well my anxiety could never...but keep dreaming darling" You both laughed and held hands as the chairs were turning even faster. At one point the air was to rapid through her hair and it detached her hairdo, you Heard her groan as her hair moved everywhere including her face while she looked at you. "Oh come on why"

"It's fine mina just let it go"

"It's a good thing this was not a wig"

You laughed again as You pushed the hair out of her face and saw her eyes shining with joy, you don't think you ever saw her so happy your whole life, and you thought maybe she never has been.

"I love you y/n"

She said as her hair flew behind her like a beautiful main. You couldn't help but put your hands around her face and bring her for a kiss. Your lips lingered on hers for a while, hands stoking her cheek and breathing linked and she pulled away questioning. "Why the kiss?"

"I just couldn't not kiss you right then"

"But in front of all these people ? Children"

"They won't die because I kissed the woman I love. They've seen people kiss before, they'll be fine"

"But the people here ?"

"I don't give a single fuck about them, I love you and they better get over it."

"I love you too" You enjoyed the rest of the ride, and after you got down you went to get wilhemina's cane for her, and as it took a little longer before she got out of it like the rest you heard someone tell her to get off the swing because people were waiting. You immediately turned around and went up to him, her stepped back a little "What did you just say ?"

"I..i said that this bitch needs to get off of the swing or learn to leave others their turn"

"You better shut the fuck up now, or else you really aren't going to enjoy the ride with a broken nose and bleeding face."

"Is that a threat ?"

"No it's a promise."

"It's unacceptable she ne.."

"And you need to stick your patience up your ass and fuck off. She'd be out of there in a second if you were able to keep your fucking mouth shut, now I bet you don't have any one in your life who has a disability except you because you are clearly having a stroke so let me tell you this. You say anything offensive to my wife. And I'll have your fucking ass in the floor."

"How dare you ? Telling all this in front of my kids"

"Maybe it'll teach them not to be complete assholes to people. Now your kids didn't say anything you did. So maybe you could thing about that"

"M'am you have to hurry..and keep your distance with the rest of the clients" The bold men tried to respond.

"But...i..i" ."

"we'll be out in a sec.. You. Save it. I honestly don't give a shit about your opinion, I'm not doing this for me, I'm doing it for her. Because if she weren't there I would have already been in jail for beating your ass. I'll say it once. Stay. Away. From. her. And keep your thoughts to your two inches long brain."

You went back to give her her cane and you both left the swings, glaring one last time at the men, who looked like he was about to piss his paints.

"Don't bother him, he's an ass"

"You don't always have to get in trouble for me"

"You're kidding right ? He was practically begging me to tell him off. Besides no one talks to you like this and gets away with it on my watch"

"He looked like a kid cought cheating have to admit watching you It was a little hot." She whispered in your ear

"Happy to oblige" you said as you pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and grazed her cheek. After that she bent forward a little and lifted her arms to try and do her hair back which you knew could hurt her.

"Hey hey no.. leave it" you said as you put your hands on hers.

"Let's sit over here baby"

You said while taking her to a small stair bench.

"Sir over here I'll sit on the one higher.

"Oh okay"

You settled her between your knees and asked for her hair tie.

"Do you really want to put it up again ? You know I love your hair down like this, you look so beautiful"

"I know you do, but it's our thing you know, I don't want it to become banal, I like that you're the only one who sees me like this, it makes it special"

"We have other things that are private darling, just because you go out with your hair down it doesn't mean it's not special anymore. I still get to see you in your nightwear or with a messy tee-shirt and a lazy bun."

"I know but still, I prefer keeping it up please"

"Okay baby no problem, can I put it up how I want ?"

"..fine yes, but no funny business"

"Of course" you said as you kissed her neck. You started sectioning her hair, brushing it through your fingers, huming softly. And you started breading, strands of hair between your hands, one over the other. Starting from up and then going down. Wilhemina relaxing visibly in your embrace, letting her head slightly back.

"Oooooooh, I am not the only traveler, who has not repaid His debt, I've been searching for a trail to follow again take me back to the night we met, and then I can tell myself what the hell am I supposed to do.

I had all and then most of you some and now none of you. Ooh

Take me back to the night we met.

"Here done"

"Can I sea ?"

"Let me just ..there "

"Oh..y/n"

"You don't like it ?"

"No..no i do like it.. it's different than what I'm used to"

"I figured you don't usually bread it because it's probably to painful, so I wanted to do something nice". "I love it y/n"

"You look beautiful"

She blushed softly before you kissed her lips.

Afterwards you were both a little hungry, so you took wilhemina to a candy shop, they sold many things like sugar canes and candy floss

You waited before asking Wilhemina what she wanted, and ordered a pomme d'amour for starters, and decided you would take candy floss to walk.

"It's going to be messy y/n we have to cut in"

"No..baby the whole thing is to bite it at the same time"

"I swear if you get my shirt stained"

"It won't willy"

"Oh you know I hate that nickname"

"That's why I use it willy"

She groaned and you both stood while you held the food.

"On three"

"Wait does that mean we bite on three or after three"

"Oh just bite it on three love"

"One."

"Two" you both said

"Three"

You both took a bite out of the apple, juices covering your taste buds and the sweet sugar envelope cracking.

You giggled with your mouths full and finished the apple as much as you could, heads turning around to find a good angle and sharing the same space.

You noticed Wilhemina had sugar on her top lip corner.

"Baby you have a little something here"

"Oh..thank you"

She tried getting it off but it wasn't efficient. So you stepped closer.

"Here..let me do it" you said before setting down the rest of the dish and pressing her against you while your hands found her jaw and you kissed her soundly, she moaned a little when you bit her top lip. And grazed it with your tongue. It asked for entrance and Wilhemina granted it to you. You made out together for a little bit before parting a little and just holding each other for a while, pairs of hands around shoulders and hips.

After that you bought the candy floss and started walking around the park once again.

You both picked in each others sticks, exchanging looks, smiles and kisses.

Feeding each other bits every now and then.

After a dozen minutes you had both finished

And you kissed her again, sharing the taste of sugar between each other. Her cane pressed against her and her cheek in your hand.

"Thank you y/n"

"For what ?". "For giving my life purpose"

"Aw baby why do you have to be so damn cute ALL the time"

"I'm serious"

"Me too...and you don't need to thank me, you mean everything to me. Come here."

You said before taking her inside your arms, inhaling her sent and circling your arms around her frame. You pressed kisses in her hair and she place them in your neck.

"I love you so much Wilhemina"

She started to tear up a little bit before sniffling and hiding more inside your body.

"I mean it...baby you don't ever have to cry about that again..for I will hold you till the end of time itself. And in every one of your future life's I'll have you in my heart."

Time passed as you held each others before slowly getting going again.

You arrived at a shooting game, pushed animals were hanging from the walls and ceiling.

"Oh here let me win you something !"

"Oh come on darling these games are money black holes"

"Not if your good at it" she starting turning around and walking away

"Besides it's gun shooting you're not going to be any good at that love you don't own any. Also I think it's quite funny that yo..."

"Here m'am, ya just need to get those target over there to ya win"

"Huhh come on y/n, do you even know what I said"

"Ssh baby I gotta focus"

"Sshh? So you shush me now ?"

You ignored her rambling as your hands settled their positions and you started shooting the first few bullets hitting right on the targets, five bullets later you heard a ringing sound and the guy stunned by your performance started

"Well m'am I'll be honest I wasn't expecting ya to win on the first try. But here ya go, you can pick one of them little stuffed animals"

"Mm I'll have this one for my lady over there "

"Excellent choice...here there ya go ... have a nice day birdies"

You giggled and thanked him as you went up to Wilhemina and gave her the white furry bunny you had won.

"So since you were so supportive I'll just keep it to myself"

"...I'm sorry baby...i just didn't want you to waste your money" "I know"

You said as you handed her the toy, "it's for you baby", "Oh.. really ? Wow it's the first time my lover...well anyone wins me something at a game"

"Looks like I'm your first on lots of things babe"

"Heyy" she responded while jabbing your shoulder "Aww why do you always do that, I think I need to go check it at the hospital."

"Oh don't be A baby y/n"

"Well you're the one standing with a bunny in your arms so who's really the baby huh?" She frowned before she joined you in laughter. You walked hand in hand with her gift under her hand. The sun was starting to set slowly as you both chatted and enjoyed the rest of the day.

"Let's get married"

"...What ?"

"Here let's get married now"

"..y/n ? I don't understand...I'm not sure it's a good idea"

"Chill baby I meant there" you said as you pointed the small church in the middle of the other attractions.

"It says it celebrates unions and marriages, but nothing actually official"

"Oh .."

"So let's get married here darling. Let's have our unofficial official ceremony now"

You said as you led her to the counter

"Wait..."

"It's okay you don't want to"

"No..no I definitely want to, I'm just straddled, and what If they don't celebrate our 'marriage', baby there are no legal obligations here"

"Well I don't care if they don't celebrate 'Our' marriage. I'll find another fake church that does, but we have to try frist right ?"

She nodded and took your hand.

"Hello ladies how May I help you"

You both looked at each other and she smiled.

"We would like to get married." "Alright, are you married irl ?" "Nope"

"I have to inform you this is all outside of any actual legal union, this mariage is only valid here, and in your hearts."

"We know"

"Perfect then. Follow me" You arrived in a room filled with dressed and suits, the man asked if you wanted to pay before or after, you decided to do it now, Wilhemina didn't even notice you did. "I'll let you approximately 30 minutes to choose your formal wear and get dressed, an hour to prepare your vows and will Then accompany the... well brides walk down the aisle"

"If it's easier i don't mind being already there."

"Oh yes good. Anyway, I'll let you change, there are two different Rooms with staff so you don't see each other until marriage"

"Thank you". You both said before picking your outfits and trying on dresses and suits. After some time the man came back and took Wilhemina before letting you know where was the aisle. You waited there with the pastor, who didn't look used to celebrating marriages between women, but who wasn't mad about it. The music started and there was no one else in the church except for the few staff and you both. The doors opened and you saw your girlfriend walk arm in arm with the guy who welcomed you in. She looked ethereal, beautiful you had never seen such beauty before, her hair was in a beautiful hairdo, half down half up, a bunch of colored flowers in her hair and even a purple orange make-up.

She walked gracefully, her dress following her and a veil attached to her flower crown.

"Hey"

"Hey...wow, you...look... amazing...I'm so lucky" she blushed before being handled her cane and replied "Well...I must say You're not so Bad yourself y/n"

"Erm erm.. We are reunited today. To celebrate the union of two beautiful souls, linked together by life. Two hearts beating at the same pace, two bodies sharing one path. We are here, in the evening of this bright full day, to make the two women standing here, married, for better and for worst until death do them apart...If i may have the rings. " He took them and turned to Wilhemina "You will now exchange your vows"

"Oh..lord..sorry. this is the part I'm not going to be good at. But you already know that.

You know every part of me. Every single piece I've yet to discover. You hold them, in your arms. Steady, fierce, protective, bringing me the safe home i could have never hope to have. And yet here you stand. By my side every day. You hold my heart, and you make my sun hang, so bright yet so easy, in my sky. I didn't believe I could ever be liked. And you showed me unconditional love.

I didn't believe I was pretty, you made me feel like the most beautiful goddess in the world. I didn't believe I could feel it, but darling, you are the person I love like I would have never believed such feeling existed.. I am not good at expressing feelings, I find them to abstract, to volatile to be caught by my words. So I chose the ones of someone else that resonated with me so hard I believe them to be our own.

'You belong with me, my love. And I belong with you. We should live life side by side, In everything we do. You belong with me today, For now and ever more. And I belong with you, my dear, The one that I adore. We were meant to be, I know; It’s written in the stars. I love the way we are as one, And everything you are. Just think of all the moments Aligning for us to meet, So once we found each other, We were bound to feel complete. But this part of our story, We’ll sit and write together. Hanging memories on the wall,of the home we’ll share forever. So, both of us are certain. As we each say ‘I do’, That you belong with me, my love, And I belong with you." As she was done and the tears spilled from your eyes the pastor gave her a ring and spoke again.". "Now you will repeat after me as you place the ring on her, -I take you, y/f/n" "I take you y/f/n" ; "—to be my wedded Wife" "To be my wedded Wife"

"— to have and to hold from this day forward"; "To have and to hold from this day forward"

"—for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer''; "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer" ; "—in sickness and in health to love and to cherish,"; "in sickness and in health to love and to cherish,". "—till death do us part"

"Till death do us part"

She said as she finally settled the ring she picked out on you.

"You will now exchange your vows to your bride."

".. Wilhemina, every time I dreamed about love, it was always me finding it, searching, like a lost salior for my beloved boat.But little did I know, love would find me, it would find a way through my heart, in between the cracks of it, sunshine would bring healing. I remember when I first fell in love. The intensity, the warmth, I remember her smile, her hair. I remember how hard I loved. How wrong I may have, probably because of the youth. I remember how much it had hurt. When she was taken away from me. When I could no longer hold her body, when everything from her had immediately and indefinitely turned to dust. I remember how I cursed at the wind, yelled, screamed, cried, abused whatever God had been responsible for it, responsible for this pain love had brought. I swore, I swore to never love ever again. And I tried, I begged for love to leave me alone. I dreamed it would never hurt again. And I remember when I found you, and you found me. How utterly lost we had been. How stupid it was for me to think I would not fall for you.

For your smile.

For your laugh.

For your eyes.

For your tears of joy and sorrow. For every single beat of your heart. How stupid I had been, To think I would never fall again. But the truth is, I spent all these years climbing, to afraid, to hurt, to coward, to actually jump. But the more high you gain The longer and harder the fall. And man, did I fall. And man, how did it feel so terribly perfect to do so. And man, little did I know, you could make me fly. I wasn't scared anymore. It didn't hurt. It was the answer I had been searching for all of my life. The one I didn't know was within me all along, the one you brought to life. It was love, love was the answer. No Our, our love was the answer. I'm so completely and unapologetically in love with you. You, you, you it's always been you. And the stars are watching, they are jealous, and they talk because never in the eternal burn they experience, never did they see souls shine so bright. Our connection goes beyond speaking, you choose words to express what you want to say. I want words to choose how to express what I say. In truth, we married each other that first night, in bed, we had been married by our bodies, but now we stand in history—what our bodies had said, mouth to mouth, we now said publicly, gathered together.

'I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz, or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:i love you as one loves certain obscure things, secretly, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself, and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose from the earth lives dimly in my body. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where, I love you directly without problems or pride: I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love, except in this form in which I am not nor are you, so close that your hand upon my chest is mine, so close that your eyes close with my dreams... We, unaccustomed to courage exiles from delight, live coiled in shells of loneliness, until love leaves its high holy temple and comes into our sight to liberate us into life. Love arrives and in its train come ecstasies, old memories of pleasure, ancient histories of pain. Yet if we are bold, love strikes away the chains of fear from our souls. We are weaned from our timidity, In the flush of love’s light, we dare be brave. And suddenly we see that love costs all we are and will ever be. Yet it is only love, which sets us free.'.. Today i stand here, as i will stand for as long as my fragile body allows me to, perhaps then I will sit, or lay, by your side my dear, always. And love within me blooms, and makes flowers from every cell in me grow. I will choose you over and over again love, I will hold you close, I will give you peace, I will bring you home. In me. In my heart."

"Now, for the ring.."

He gave you the one you'd picked for her, a thick golden string with amethyst, and Carnelian.

"-I take you, Wilhemina venable"

"I take you, Wilhemina venable"

"-to be my wedded Wife"

"To be my wedded Wife"

"- to have and to hold from this day forward"

"To have and to hold from this day forward"

"- for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer

"for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer"

"-in sickness and in health to love and to cherish,"

"in sickness and in health to love and to cherish,

"-till death do us part"

You finally slid the ring on her finger before saying.

"Till death do us part

"Perfect, you may now kiss the bide."

You turned to Wilhemina, picked the veil covering her face, lifted it and placed it backwards before taking she took her face in her hands and yours grabbed her hips, bending her slightly backwards before stealing her lips in the most beautiful and delicious kiss you both had the chance to share, oxygen wasn't even needed as your whole body experienced full Bliss, during the embrace you heard, no felt her mumble 'i love you' to which she know you replied by kissing her harder tumbling a little before parting away, faces close, smiles on both of your lips. You walked down the aisle tightly pressed together her hair darked than usual with the dim candle light. And as you went through the door, bells rang and you felt rice being thrown at you from somewhere you couldn't spot. Eventually you got outside, turned to your wife and spun her around before kissing for what would most definitely not be the last time of the day, body pressed together like it will be during your Wedding night.

When you came back home both of your touch yas tender yet urgent, you took no time to

Set your things, just immediately riding her of her day clothes and coat, slamming the door with your feet and taking her upstairs. Before the bedroom door you lifted her up over the threshold, "tradition is sacred my darling"

"Shut up and just make love to me"

Shortly you were both in your underwear, your body on top of hers, cradling her with kisses and caresses, your lips all over her body.

You began to take her nipple in your mouth and play with the other one, her back arched and she moaned loudly, you were starting to kiss your way down her body but she stopped you.

"I..I..want us to cum...together"

"I can't refuse my baby now"

You dragged down her body before teasing her inner thigh and kissing her clit, making sure she was wet enough, you went up her body again, your hand between her legs stating to work her up. Your own hand finding yourself, toying with your panties before sitting back and touching yourself for her to see. Once you were both ready you aligned both of your centers, and lowered yourself on her. Hearing a moan from both of your throats as the contact was a delightful bliss. Your moans filled the room as you rubbed your clitorises faster, wet sounds coming from the friction. "Uh..uH baby I'm getting close"

"..wait a bit for me.. can you do that ?"

"Uhh..yeah..yeaH" You doubled your efforts and before you knew it she was cumming all over you which triggered your own orgasm. You fell on her body, legs intertwined as your bodies sank into each others. Still catching her breath Wilhemina couldn't stop herself from laughing.

"...We got married...in an amusement park";

"We did baby...".

".....I love you";

"I love you too baby"

A/n: the italic pieces are bits of different poems, I couldn't settle for one, if you think cutting a poem is sacrilegious I'm sorry but I believe that Words and art is ment to be movements, live and change though our experiences of then, pieces of structure that you can use to build. your own.

#wilhemina venable #sarah paulson fanfiction #wilhemina venable x reader #sarah paulson characters #wilhelmina venable #soft!mina #ms venable

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elia-de-silentio · 3 years

Text

Seriously, what's up with Jeanne?

While this particular arc seems to be focused on everyone else, I'd like to make a little recap about a character who, even if the narration has not focused on it as much as for other characters, is one of the most sorrounded by mysteries: Jeanne.

This is her 'birth'. Her parents had been mentioned a few chapter earlier, but as we can see here, they are the ones who adopted her after finding her completely on her own. Jeanne herself is confused by the memory, and can't locate it well.

But we see her in what looks like some sort of water tank, with a reassuring figure practicing Pedagogy 101: always favor the child search for an identity and self-esteem!

But still, returning to the tanks: here's a figure who, from the vague details we can see of her, looks a lot like a young Jeanne in a tank ... but in the present time.

We see that now Ruthven is in front of it, but it's very unlikely that he was the Candle Holder: back when Jeanne was a child, he was still a moderate, his change didn't incur until Louise and Eric betrayed him. In fact, he seems very nice and encouraging to a recently-adopted Jeanne.

So, her childhood in the care of her parents goes swimmingly: she is loved, she meets Chloé who becomes like an older sister to her. To Candle Holder's face, she becomes an outgoing, mischievous child, with a warm and cheerful personality.

Then something terrible happens. Her parents betray Ruthven for ... nobody bothered to explain why, a lot of vampires are killed and Ruthven loses his eye as a consequence. The ever-so-progressive vampire culture informs Jeanne that children pay for their parents's sins, and from now on, she's a bourreau, a tool, exactly like Candle Holder told her.

Moreover, she convinces herself that it's her fault, that she disobeyed; from that moment onward, she dedicates herself to mindlessly obeying the Senate's orders, slaughtering without mercy her own kind on opposite factions.

That is, until Chloé. Faced with the order to kill the one she was so close to as a child, Jeanne can't be a tool anymore; she fails her mission, and has a breakdown, killing all the people who were with her. Appearently, it's something that happens often to bourreaus (e grazie al cazzo).

After this, the Senate nonchalantly talk about getting her 'destroyed' (not 'killed', notice the choice of words), but Ruthven intervenes on her behalf, pretty much saying that if the rest of the Senate isn't using their toy anymore then there are no problems if he takes it.

The immediately following panels are estremely interesting and, I think, the most important for what is going on right now. We see Jeanne laying on a bed, next to a table with some food; Naenia appears and hoovers over her, laughing creepily, but we don't see the Parade of Charlatan, or a conversation that implies Naenia stole her real name.

There is a blank in Jeanne's memories, and next thing we know, Ruthven is there, the room is completely trashed, and both him and Jeanne have signs of a fight. The only thing certain is that Ruthven drank Jeanne's blood, as shown by the stains on her neck and him ordering her to remember her oath. Then, he puts her into an induced slumber, something that was mentioned right in her introductory chapter, from which she will wake up to become Luca's chevalier.

Now, we get to the present times. We know that, on occasion, Jeanne suffers from the uncontrollable impulse to drink blood; she is on medicine, but it doesn't seem to be very effective, and given Vanitas's surprise at finding out something like that exist, I half-suspect it of being more of a placebo.

Still, it is not clear if she is a curse-bearer or simply addicted to blood, as Vanitas futilely tries to ask: Ruthven's command forbids her from speaking. Personally, I think she is neither.

We have seen time and time again that curse-bearers have an intense craving for blood, so much that they can't stop from draining completely their victims; but Jeanne always managed to stop herself before really harming Vanitas.

As for the 'addicted to blood' theory ... well, she showed no signs of being so before, especially since she was a bourreau under constant surveillance, and she wouldn't have had the opportunity to become it; neither she had it as Luca's bodyguard, a position of extreme responsibility.

But there are a few little hints that, at least to me, paint a very interesting picture.

As we have seen, Jeanne was 'born' in a water tank. But she isn't the only one: another very similar figure is being watched over by Ruthven. This led to two fandom theories: that the one we see is not the real Jeanne, currently still asleep, or that she is some sort of clone.

We see that this figure is not completely unaware: she flinches, in consequence of something that happened when the whole group was caught in the parade of Charlatan. Was it Noé calling Naenia, since the panels were shown immediately after? Or was it because Jeanne was having a vision of a distorted form of her parents?

Now, the first of these possibilities led others on this site to speculate that that was actually the true form of Naenia, that is, the vampire queen. An interesting theory, because when Chloé forces her into a physical form, she looks ...

Now, it might be just Mochizuki's style, but aside from the sheer volume of hair and the huge eyes, it seems to me that Faustina looks quite a lot like a young Jeanne.

Moreover, there is a shot of Ruthven's hand that is very similar to the one in Jeanne's scene above. Here is Faustina having flashbacks to when Ruthven ... eh, boh? Killed her? Destroyed her in some other way? It still isn't clear. Again, it could be just a representation of Ruthven extending his powers, but until confirmed otherwise I'll keep that into consideration.

Now, the very first image we got of the Vampire Queen was a frame of her hand, dark-skinned and extremely thin. But when she manifested as Faustina, she had fair skin. So maybe it was a result of her near-death condition, like she was a mummy?

Moreover, in that flashback, Ruthven said something about having her 'vanish', and Loki comments about smashing the queen's corpse. But for what we see, it looks pretty whole, even if in a not-so-great state. And both Loki and Veronica - there is a silhouette that looks a lot like her - seem to be fairly young for vampire standards, so whatever happened, it likely wasn't a long time ago.

But we know that her malnomen Naenia was around from before Ruthven was betrayed and corrupted, and likely before he got himself adopted into the Oriflamme's family and got his position of power. We see her trying to sway Chloé and do something that hurts Ruthven himself.

The point I'm trying to explore is: Jeanne was born in a tank, and Candle Holder called her a vessel, something that should not have had a will of her own. What is both the 'Jeanne is in the tank' and 'Faustina is in the tank' theories are correct? What if Jeanne is Faustina's clone?

Besides the resemblance, there is what little we see of Candle Holder. A sleeve; but to me, it looks quite similar to the Senate's formal wear.

If there is some cloning of the vampire queen going about, the Senate would definitely not only know, but also be the one to arrange the whole thing.

So, here's my tentative theory: Faustina's true name gets corrupted by as of now unknown means, and the nature of her malnomen is taking away other vampires's names. This has repercussions on her physical state as well, the Senate notices, and does something about that; to her body only, which does squat to actually stop the cursebearers spread. Besides this failure, they don't want to throw the vampire world in a major political crisis; so they made up some clone of the Queen, perhaps in the hopes to transmit to them the original's memories and personality, thus making them 'vessels'. Perhaps this works for a while, but eventually, even the new bodies start to manifest something wrong, and get discarded for other clones.

At some point, due to some accident, one of the clones escapes, wanders off, is found by Eric and Louise, and developes a personality of her own: Jeanne.

But after some time, she starts to develope strange symptoms too, namely her compulsion to drink blood, which manifested itself after she met Naenia. We know that she fears she'll stop being herself; maybe she risks to become a part of Charlatan in her own right?

As for why, if this theory is correct, the Queen hasn't been seen in public in a long time ... well, maybe there was some accident, and are waiting for the next clone to be ready? They can't exactly bring in a Queen that looks like a young girl if she was an adult woman in her last public appearence.

I realize that, as it is, it's a pretty shaky theory, but I wanted to share it, while waiting for anything to confirm or debunk it.

Thanks to anyone who bothered to read my ramblings!

#vnc #vanitas no carte #the case study of vanitas #vanitas no shuki #vnc meta #vnc analysis #vnc theory #vnc jeanne #vnc ruthven #vnc naenia #elia's recaps

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