#i assume person A x B mean its romantic relationship

[kumeramen]

Hello! I love your art! Idk if u watched bleach but can you draw Sakura x Byakuya?

Maaan Bleach was probably part of my younger days maybe because I'd always draw characters whether it's from Bleach or from other fandom in Tite Kubo's art style. I gradually stopped and find my own style but thank goodness I still haven't lost my touch ✍✨

Add extra character for more interesting interaction just because~ I choose Yoruichi because she somehow reminds me of Tsunade and I have no doubt she and Sakura get along well!

Also, she's there to annoy certain captain 😂

To see more, consider support me on Ko-fi ☕❤️

#accepting the challenge just to relive my bleach phase #i assume person A x B mean its romantic relationship #but im not gonna cross the line #already have so many pairings to ship in nart fandom #but i'll consider drawing crossover still #with the possibility what if they interact #this is platonic btw #but yall can tag them as ship i dont mind #crossover #bleach #naruto #byakuya kuchiki #sakura haruno #yoruichi shihouin #my art #asks

[dairy-farmer]

Okay, first, congrats on giving your kitty his furever home! I'm very excited for you!! Second, being post dental surgery is the worst

:( but I have some fic thoughts I thought you might enjoy?

Okay, because I'm on a Ra'sTim kick (I say as if I won't ship Tim with literally anyone at any time) I was thinking about an AU where in order to get Ra's help and get Bruce back, Tim makes a deal where he must allow himself to be courted by Ra's for like a year and day, because Ra's is extra. Tim and Ra's go back and forth on the exact wording for a long time, and it basically works out to: have spend x amount of time together. Tim has to publicly acknowledge the engagement/courtship, has to genuinely listen to Ra's side and vice versa, and Tim's big thing is after a year of honestly giving it a try, he can say no, but he also has to be an equal partner, in whatever role he takes. There would be other fun things you could add in for extra fluff or angst, which ever way you wanted to go. I personally love the idea of Tim insisting that he's very traditional and Ra's must get his Daddy's approval (Or Bruce in this case lol) because he'll only get married if he can have a big white wedding where he's given away by B.

I think, if I wrote it (which I'm not because I'm still working on my current WIPs at a snails paces T.T) I would either go for a very soft, very fluffy fairytale sort of writing, with the end being a kind of happy "Tim fucks off to get married, has lots of smutty sex and babies, and is very happy, even while the undercurrents of the story have a fucked up edge" or an angsty story of self destruction and recreating yourself over and over again for the temporary pleasure of approval only for the sting of never being enough in the long run. Both would have soft aspects, but also a lot of fucked up codependency from various relationships both platonic and romantic, and I think depending on what you focus on, it could be such a cool story idea. Idk, what do you think, and what direction would you want to take it in (assuming you're even into this idea/I'm not bothering you!)

(Btw, I need Tim in pretty green and gold lingerie, complete with corset and stockings in matching high heels sitting on Ra's desk, one heel dangerously close being very painful for Ra's where it rest on his lap. Tim is desperately horny and frustrated, because obviously, Ra's is a firm believer in waiting for marriage, and he needs to get his pussy wrecked now, because Ra's keeps teasing him and Tim is doing his best to make his control snap like a high tension steel wire- that is to say, snap hard, fast and with a lot of potential for collateral ;)

Anyways, I hope you have a great day.

Cheers, ♡♡♡

thank you🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰!!!! i hope you're healing well and feel better soon!! ❤️

and a fairytale-esque fic for rastim would be perfect!!!! just by nature the two of them would just skew a bit darker than normal because of how ra's is and how tim does have an unfortunate tendency to be more likely to go dark (i mean you can see the amount of universes where a tim who loses everything goes bad and facist so tim does have a risk of turning out like that). but with it having a fairytale edge it'd be nice to see two people who's pain is rarely awknowledged find happiness in each other.

it'd also be hilarious to see tim's whole narrative flipped on its head like halfway through when he realizes how much he actually likes ra's time and attention and would very much like more of it!! only ra's won't fuck him because tim told him he wanted to wait until marriage and until bruce gave him away as a bride.

cue tim trying to get ra's to give into temptation because he knows the sexually charged comments ra's has given him before. wearing short and tight clothing, see through clothing. finally he wait's in ra's gotham office reclined in nice gold three and green lingeries where everything can be seen. tim know ra's is staring at the pretty pink seam of his cunt as his digs the sole of his heel into the half chub that ra's is rocking.

bruce and the rest of the family getting traumatized, tapping tim's phone and seeing the messages they send each other...the pictures.

tim getting courted for the year and finally getting to marry and consummate with ra's. it's a beautiful wedding and people like it if they ignore how tim and ra's are pretty blatantly necking at the head table.

tim and ra's both find peace and acceptance in each other because although ra's may have started it out as a ploy and tim started out knowing it was as such they really did grow to enjoy each other's company. they liked how they felt when they were together and while they may have some ideological differences they are smoothed over with exposure to each other.

tim is the definition of an 'i can fix him' girlie but then he actually delivers!!!!!!!!

#anonymous #answered asks #asks

[dootdootwriting]

AHHH CONGRATS ON 600!!! I hope you're doing well heehoo and if its okay can i ask for the whole alphabet with scaramouche?:3 (also pls don't overwork yourself jdjajdkdlfmmeis)

600+ event!!

this is my first time writing for scara so i hope i did okay aha,, under the cut for length!

fluff alphabet with scaramouche, gn reader, warning for inazuma quest/scaramouche backstory spoilers!!

why is his name so long

A-Activities (what do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?)

- scaramouche isn't super knowledgeable about relationships, so he'll just sort of tentatively ask what you want to do and go along with it (though he might act like it's a stupid idea the whole time). really he doesn't care what he spends his free time on as long as you're a part of it.

B-Beauty (what do they admire about their s/o? what do they think is beautiful about them?)

- well first of all, he admires the courage you've got to have to be with him in the first place. other than that, he also loves your smile (but you won't hear him tell you that out loud, unless you're not really asleep when he thinks you are)

C-Comfort (how would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?)

- another thing he's alien to. at first just starts telling you to calm down and is pretty harsh about it. when he realizes this isn't working, he'll reluctantly take you into his arms and start awkwardly patting your head. it's funny how awkward it is and you end up laughing at him about it, which makes him annoyed, but at least now you feel better.

D-Dreams (how do they picture the future with their s/o?)

- scaramouche... either wants you to be by his side as he conquers everything and shows the world just how strong he is, or he wants to do it alone. though it would be much better if you were with him and it makes him sad to think about you not being there in the end.

E-Equal (are they the dominant one in the relationship or rather passive?)

- surprisingly passive, actually. he doesn't really know what he's doing so he lets you make most of the decisions about dates and spending time together. other than that though, he likes to drag you around to do whatever he wants.

F-Fun (what do they do for fun with their s/o? what’s their idea of a fun day out?)

- what's fun? on a day off, scaramouche will wander around and ponder his own existence. you'll have to take him to a market or a park or something so he can actually experience things first - once you do, you'll find he enjoys being alone with you somewhere quiet, where he doesn't have to listen to other people.

G-Gratitude (how grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?)

- doesn't show it, but is definitely grateful, though he also doesn't know just how much of a hassle he can be. scaramouche just sort of assumed love was supposed to be unconditional... but he can tell when he's crossed a line, and he's grateful for you sticking by him despite everything.

H-Honesty (do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?)

- obviously the one big secret is how he came into being in the first place, but once he trusts you enough to tell you about his being a puppet and a test, he's in all the way. he hides little things from you before that but once he's told you, you're in it with him forever whether you like it or not, and that means he doesn't keep anything else from you.

I-Inspiration (did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?)

- he's a lot more tolerable around you! you've been approached by fatui officers asking you "how do you do it?" and saying things like "thank you so much i totally thought i was gonna be yelled at today!" somehow you cool off his temper a bit.

J-Jealousy (do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?)

- JEALOUS JEALOUS JEALOUS man. he gets jealous so so easily and WILL confront you about it. after a while and once he knows he can trust you he gets jealous less frequently, because he knows you're with him for the long run.

K-Kisses (are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?).

- bad kisser at first because he's probably never been in love before. he gets the hang of it quickly though! your first kiss was because he had to shut you up and he couldn't figure out another way how so he just kissed you. you yelled at him after that.

L-Love confession (how would they confess to their s/o?)

- scaramouche confesses on purpose but in a really weird way. he plans it and everything - he takes you out to see the sunset and brings food (almost like a picnic) but then once he gets to the actual confession it's just like "how dare you do this to me? i stay awake at night thinking of you and somehow you're the most tolerable person i've ever met. childe had the audacity to call it love and to laugh at me so he got what he deserved. if you don't feel the same way i'll punch you too." but he doesn't end up having to punch you, which you're both very glad about.

M-Mornings (what’s it like waking up with them? do they sleep late or wake up before the sun rises?)

- he didn't have a reason to sleep in late until he started sleeping next to you. now he's stuck in his ridiculous sleep schedule so he always wakes up before you. but hey! bonus! now he gets to look at you while you sleep, which for some reason makes him extremely flustered (which is really cute to wake up to).

N-Nicknames (what do they call their s/o?)

- just calls you your name 🧍

O-On cloud nine (what are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?)

- when he discovered he was in love he got angry at you. then he realized it wasn't your fault, and, actually, this wasn't such a bad thing. man were you confused though. for a solid week he just yelled at you for no reason. childe guessed correctly when he realized scaramouche's more-unusual-than-usual behavior, but he had the decency to hold his tongue around you.

P-PDA (how are they with PDA? is it fun to them or are they more reserved with their affection?)

- hates pda. will hold your hand and that's it if you try to kiss him in public his face will scrunch up and his ears will pull back instinctively. then he'll avoid you for the rest of the day.

Q-Quirk (some random thing they do when they’re with you for no reason in particular)

- gently taps you at random moments, almost as if he's trying to remind himself that you're here with him.

R-Romance (how romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?)

- scaramouche tries to be romantic? he's doing his best. he tries all the gooey stuff to make you happy like buying you chocolate and giving you stuffed animals but in reality he has little to no tolerance for this kind of thing and you have to reassure him you love him, not the classic romantic things he forces himself to do. after that he stops, which is a huge relief.

S-Support (are they helping their s/o achieve their goals do they believe in them?)

- he's more focused on his own goals and climbing the fatui ladder, but he's also very invested in anything you're attempting to do. wholeheartedly believes in you, whether he outwardly expresses it or not.

T-Thrill (do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship or do they prefer certain routine?)

- scaramouche likes the security of his routine and the place your relationship is at. he gets embarrassed at pretty much any new milestone and needs some time to get to them, and he gets cranky when things change suddenly, so uh. no, he likes it better the way it is with little to no changes.

U-Understanding (how good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?)

- not very empathetic, but is very understanding. scaramouche lacks the ability to feel how you're feeling (is it because he isn't quite human?), but he does understand how you work and function, and the best ways to treat you depending on your mood.

V-Value (how important is the relationship to them? What is its worth in comparison to other things in their life?).

- since you're so important to him, you're about number two on his list of priorities, maybe almost tied with his work in the fatui. he can't stand people, but you've wormed your way into his heart, so he's not letting you go anytime soon.

W-Wild card (a random fluff headcanon?)

- any time you give him affection he's a little startled at first, but he comes to love it and eventually will ask you for hugs.

X-XOXO (Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?)

- yes but ONLY behind closed doors. he's afraid if he so much as looks at you lovingly his underlings will laugh at him, and he definitely can't have that. when you two are alone, however, he absolutely cannot get enough of your touch.

Y- Yearning (how will they cope when they are missing their partner?)

- angry angry angry and makes it everyone's problem. when you get back from your trip the mood is dark and agents are running up to you like you're their savior "OH GOD YOU'RE BACK THANK EVERYTHING PLEASE SAVE US."

Z-Zeal (are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?)

- he would literally kill for you (please tell him not to)

#scaramouche x reader #GOD THIS TOOK SO LONG DONT FLOP PLEASE #scaramouche #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #the balladeer #scaramouche hcs #doot's 600 event! #fluff alphabet #scaramouche fluff alphabet #gi scaramouche #fluff #scaramouche fluff #gn! reader #archon quest spoilers #2.1 spoilers

[scullysflannel]

1/4: Hi! Weird, but genuine, Chris Carter question I'm having trouble verbalizing. So, I find people who have a special gift to be fascinating. Ex: GA. What is it like to be such a GOOD actress? *wonders* And I keep thinking about Chris Carter and am confused. B/c he did/does (??) have a gift, right? Brought XF universe to life, written some good episodes, etc. But, gifts don’t go away, do they? I mean, GA can’t backtrack & all of a sudden become a bad actress. So, what happened with Chris?

Was he never gifted to begin with and just got SUPER lucky with an idea? Did he pull from a source that he could no longer pull from? There is arrogance/pride/borderline-malicious-glee in his actions, BUT arrogance doesn’t cancel out talent. So, I genuinely don’t understand the brain process here. He *made* it, but back-tracked even though his platform remained. And the demand for XF as well. Is it a long case of writer’s block? Is he doing this on purpose b/c of a personality disorder since he’s still rewarded regardless (I assume he’s filthy rich and will always be filthy rich??) I guess, in my simple-mindedness, his case is weird to me b/c usually when a talented person seems to backtrack, there are external factors we can point to. Celebrity turned to drugs! Or shifting audience tastes! Studio interference! Global pandemic limitations! But, with him, every door was opened. He's retained creative control throughout. He could hire whoever he wants. Hell - he could even plagiarize ideas from the best fanfic writers. So, what is the deal here? How do you switch that flick off once it’s on? And, does it make me a terrible human being to be so happy he’s not found success outside of XF while those around him did? (although, I guess not everyone found the success that Vince/Frank/Howard/Shiban/Wong/Bowman have with Homeland/Breaking Bad/Ozark, etc) I just wonder endlessly about this!

okay, lots to unpack here. I’m also fascinated by Chris Carter’s range (in quality), but this is not the angle for me. I don’t care about the personal side and don’t feel good speculating on it. plus it seems convoluted to celebrate that he hasn’t had much success since The X-Files, because if he were capable of evolving, then the later seasons of The X-Files and the revival probably would have been better in the first place... very snake eating its own tail. it’s just celebrating the same animal that bit us. also, for obvious legal reasons he could not plagiarize ideas from fanfic!! that is how a person gets sued. and plenty of artists have flop eras, or don’t fit as well with one story as they do with another. or they just have off days. a gift is mostly just hard work, and results are going to vary. 

what gets me about Chris Carter’s writing, and The X-Files as a whole, is how often the best and worst things about it are the same. the things that didn’t work in the end are the reason the show works in the beginning. he was right to keep it “platonic” at first, because it builds the foundation of Mulder and Scully’s relationship on their trust and respect for each other as equals, which was radical in an early ‘90s TV context and is obviously the sexiest thing about them. he was wrong to deny Scully a healthy sex life as a result, to write her as a fantasy of chastity and then abuse her for drama. he was also wrong to resist letting Mulder and Scully’s relationship evolve after a certain point, and he misunderstood what a romantic relationship on screen would look like for them and how little it actually needed to change the surface of the show. he was right to understand that what is not shown, and not spoken, is always more interesting than what is. he was wrong to extend that lack of communication to the point of absurdity.

this goes for the mythology too. the power of The X-Files comes from the clarity of the initial setup (two people fighting for truth in a corrupt system), and when the story lost that power it was because Carter got too attached to the wrong details at the expense of the big picture. he was right to create a nameless villain who embodied the whole faceless system and wrong to keep him alive way past his sell-by date. the whole point of CSM was that he was a cog in a bigger machine. he should have died in the season 5 premiere, and the tragedy should have been that it didn’t fix anything; there were other men in suits lined up to take his place. Chris Carter built a world where the real monsters are weak men who want to hold on to their power. he didn’t recognize that by refusing to let the story move forward, he was just becoming his own villain.

the revival really hammered home the problem with how he sees the show. he kept the wrong things (CSM, martyring Scully, a “breakup” meant to uhhh reset Mulder and Scully’s relationship, which means he forgot they seemed married by episode 3). it highlighted issues that were there the whole time, like the way the show relies on violence against women’s bodies for shock value. I think Chris Carter writes The X-Files very stubbornly, and because it paid off a few times (fighting to cast 24-year-old Gillian Anderson over the “blonde bombshell” the network wanted) he felt justified in getting even more stubborn. so he didn’t listen when anyone (certainly not the star whose career he made by casting her at age 24!) dared to suggest that maybe the revival should be more serialized, or that maybe violating his heroine was bad.

I’ve noticed that when Carter gets asked in interviews why he wrote something (like the breakup), his answer is usually “I thought it would be interesting.” there’s no interrogation. I think his instincts for the show were dead on in the beginning, but I don’t think he likes to think too hard about them. he knew what Mulder and Scully’s partnership should look like and what the moral landscape of the show should look like but didn’t really care to ask why. the actors and other writers are the ones who got the why. 

and even then, there’s something perversely interesting in watching a show like that! The X-Files is driven by the tension between how it was written and how David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson played it, like they were writing a different show behind his back. they found more life in it. other writers and directors kind of did the same thing. there’s a weird push and pull on this show between formula and reinvention. like, I was in the room for that panel conversation where Carter talked about how The X-Files didn’t have a show bible, and he didn’t mean “we didn’t keep track of what had already happened on The X-Files” (although clearly they didn’t do that either, and that was a mistake). he meant “we didn’t start season 1 with a long list of rules we would never violate.” and that’s good. the best things about The X-Files usually happen when it breaks its own rules, like Darin Morgan writing comedy. but there are always boundaries it won’t cross; no one can really grow up or die or get together or have a kid they don’t lose.

it almost makes me want to boil that tension down to Chris Carter vs. everyone else: he set the formula and everyone else reinvented it. it’s not as simple as “all the rebellion happened when he looked the other way,” because he wrote and directed some fun experimental episodes (Triangle!), and I’m not going to let the men around him off the hook for humoring him, either. it’s not a one-man show. but I don’t get the impression that Carter fostered an environment where other people (writers, directors, stars) felt comfortable calling him out, and he definitely didn’t try to bring in writers and directors with perspectives that would actually challenge his, which is part of how the show wound up with so much underlying racism and sexism.

anyway. in a weird way I’m more confused by how bad his directing got than I am by his writing. I have no answer for how the same guy directed How the Ghosts Stole Christmas and the Struggles. at least with his writing I can see where it went wrong: he wouldn’t throw anything out of the fridge when it expired, because it used to taste good. I appreciate Chris Carter’s creative control over the early seasons of The X-Files. I wouldn’t just call it luck. but it’s probably fair to say that his skills as a writer were all laser targeted toward getting this one exact show off the ground and equally terrible at letting it grow and become something new.

love to think about this, clearly! and obviously I don’t mean the bad things get a pass because they can’t be separated from the good things. I just find it so fucking fascinating. if you think about it too hard it starts to feel like original sin.

#anon #xf thoughts #txf #chris carter #lol it's clown hour

[severusdefender]

Hey so I'm the furby anon (that's an odd way to introduce oneself but oh well). This is so long I'm so sorry.

I think one of the insane things that I realized of the mauruader fanbase is what they stand for in a general sense but how much they really have tarnished that.

I think the mauruader fans should be proud that the story of the mauruaders is all about the rebellion of norms. Sirius and his family, lupin and his condition, James and Peter both driving and encouraging a friendship that lasted them what 7 + ish years (I'm sorry but I know nothing on Peter and I would love to hear a fucking narrative on James potters struggles from a Stan (to any stans that was sarcasm I realized you enjoy jumping into conclusions so I needed to be direct))

Anyways their friendship is basically found family and I think is okay to enjoy their story lines but I think it's when you only see them in a myopic lens where you acknowledge that they did pranks generally and not at the expense of someone in particular(snape) because of their existence. It's okay to celebrate their struggles of adulthood because they all have their own plots and yes! It's starts of with them being a dick that is how their growth starts. Look I can belive that James had some level of conscious to belive on what's good and also say he was a fucking asshole to snape and I don't think it's right to say he changed (because even though he joined the good guys team doesn't make him a good person because there is no evidence to say he apologized to snape or anything if it's not there it isn't there). I can celebrate lupin and blacks struggle on individuality but I can also critize them for their cowardice and arrogance and not excuse their behavoiur as well.

Snapes charecter is an example where if you only see him in a myopic lense you cant see him more than just a bully and part time deatheater. He has his faults you are right and he should be held accountable for his actions, but I think it's hypocritical that a fanbase that seems of reading between the lines to congratulate on their favs outstanding behavior that has little to no canonical evidence ( snape stealing James ideas, applauding James for saving snape during the werewolf attack (I'm not to sure how I stand with this because I think it's more fitting James being concerned over lupins state of being as in he knew that this was lupins fears that is being exploited at an expense of a joke but not snapes) , saying snape led them to their deaths by giving their addresses to voldermort, blaming him for dumbledores death, not freeing sirius black from Azkaban (we literally went through this no one knew each other to protect each other's identity except for voldermort himself what the fuck do you think the deatheaters are a multi level marketing scheme???), any fucking headcanon that starts with the mauruaders making an anti bullying club (that made me laugh so much), the whole hugging a deadbody scene that wasn't there also yall never seen any other movie apart from hp because that's shown in so many movies irrespective of relationship,,,, if your gonna go the whole only hug the ones you have a romantic love with then I have to ask so you ship harry potter with dobby the elf because that literally happened, him being evil because he hit Petunia with a branch)

Also I need to get this out of my chest,, of you think the only way of saying fuck the system because you feel like a little guy in a big boys club or whatever and then choose to attack a fucking minority I'm sorry but that sounds equally as pathetic as someone who is clearly the privileged person giving a shallow apology without any reparations. You have undoubtedly missed the whole point (as a poc it sounds when a yt person says they understand inequality (racism) because they experienced it when the Chipotle dude Stas someone who came way later) .

Second of all saying someone deserves x thing because in the course of their morally grey lives they do things that are a. Questionable and b. inexcusable, sounds like you are deeply rooted in purity culture where you only acknowledge retribution and redemption only of they are wholly right and all actions can be explained as a they didn't mean it and are a 'deeper' person (see above mauruaders and their anti bullying campaign).

People can change but they don't need to be nice about it, they can be bitter and angry but still do the right thing it may not be endearing or cute, but you can't not acknowledge their good because it isn't in a nicely delivered format. People can change what they stand for they don't need to be sweet about it if the people you support also caused you a lifetime of pain then you can support the cause not its members you are allowed to do that.

And this might sound like jumping into an extreme conclusion (I wanted to participate in extreme sports like the mauruaders fans) if you think that (you need to be nice and do the right thing) then I think you guys lack a certain level of empathy and not have kids. As kids have unsound logic and make mistakes and can be cruel, assuming that they cruel forever because of their unsound logic at one point and punishing them with a lifetime of guilt and ignoring them seems a bit insane to say loosely. (after all that was your response to a fucking fictional charecter who was punished for being different and whatever actions that followed in his miserable life was well deserved because of his actions to be a 'bad guy' . After all isn't that not your response to people who enjoy his charecter and then decided to belive that they deserve death and 'extermination' or was that just a convenient joke/comment at the expense of someone else's interest??? I have no sympathy for most yall your just cruel)

Good points

#Anonymous #severus snape #pro snape

[chrolloctrl]

hello～! can i request for Adultrio who fell in love with fem crime hunter Reader? also have a nice day/evening💘

thank you for the request! i tried my best to make all of these different from each other, but i also tried to stay true to how the characters would sincerely react:) oh and sorry for the late post, school’s been tough :( but yknow it be like that

note(s)/warning(s): some mentions of blood and violence, but other than that nothing you wouldn’t see on hxh though

fandom(s)/character(s): hunter x hunter, adultrio, aka illumi, hisoka, and chrollo

for dialogue purposes, italics are you, and bold is the character :)

i l l u m i

since you’re a crime hunter and he is a literal trained assassin, the relationship is pretty much seemingly doomed for failure

however i imagine that you guys meet in an a very unexpected way

he’s on a mission to kill someone who had stolen from the zoldycks, and you’re on a mission to take out a thief

yeah it’s the same guy you got it

illumi gets there first and gets the job done

much to your dismay

you’re standing right behind him as he’s covered in blood over the body

all you say is “since when does the assassin do something morally correct?”

“when it benefits him.” he responds.

i think he recognizes you before you recognize him

“you’re y/n, right? crime hunter?”

“you could say that.”

“we aren’t so different you know..”

“we are incredibly different. i don’t kill for sport.”

“you still kill, though.”

you’re so pissed off because he kind of has a point

oh and that emotionless stupid little face of his pisses you off even more

it’s all love we know i love illumi

illumi’s bloodlust is out of control at this point, your interaction with him just increased that

“what are you going to do? kill me?”

“no. it doesn’t benefit me now does it?”

“what do you want from me illumi?”

“ a deal.”

somehow he ropes you into helping him on missions as long as it corresponds with your own morals

i think the moment he realizes he’s in love with you is when you explain morality to him

like obviously he has no idea wtf good morals are lmao

you act as his therapist in a way, comforting him about his past and telling him that his bad actions don’t make him a bad person, just a person who used to do bad things

sorry guys i love soft illumi, and i genuinely think he has the capability to be good

one day he breaks down after a mission, and he is so embarrassed that you’re the first person he shows his deep, buried emotions to

you just hold him and comfort him, telling him its not his fault

after that he doesn’t want to talk to you because he’s embarrassed

“i think emotions make you a better assassin.”

“how does that make sense?”

“makes you think twice.”

and now he knows why killua loves gon so much.

h i s o k a

we already know this bitch is obsessed with you

probably keeps tabs on you to see what you’re up to

every headline involving you “taking down another lowlife” catches his attention so fast

he wants a fight so bad

so he creates a plan

commit a crime so terribly that they HAVE to send you to take him out

just another amazing idea from hisoka!

so he figures out who you’re working for, and kills someone close to them, obviously leaving behind a trace so they have somewhat of an idea as to who he is, but still making it a hunt

he probably leaves a star and tear behind, something that only those who knew him would recognize

and so he watches you hunt him while he hunts you

you’re asking anyone and everyone if they recognize the star and tear, most people either having no clue, or recognizing it but keeping quiet about it in fear of what hisoka would do

eventually, someone says they know a person who draws a star and tear on their face — hisoka morrow

once hisoka hears that you know his name he is absolutely ecstatic, he probably reveals himself to you right after

“it has been so fun watching you search for me.”

“if you knew i was looking, why be a coward and hide?”

“there’s no fun if there’s no chase, darling.”

you guys battle it out, i imagine the fight is very close, but evidently you just can’t keep up with him

“you put up a beautiful fight…hmm, perhaps i’ll let you survive if you join me?”

out of breath and on the brink of death, he assumes you’re saying no

right as he goes for the finishing blow, you hold your hands up, and whisper through a mouth full of blood a small “i’ll do it.”

he has a huge grin on his face, so excited to have successfully “corrupted” you

sorry y’all added a little corruption kink in their my b

once he takes you to machi so she can heal you, you both go on ur little killing ppl missions together cos what else does hisoka do lol

he realizes he’s in love once you finish someone off, a crazed look in your eyes, smile on display, covered in blood.

“you’ve never looked as beautiful as you do now.”

you and hisoka’s love is weird. but it’s intense, and it is real. just not...normal.

you guys are crazy killers, but it works

he probably draws a star and tear on you just so u guys can match

after u.. murder people <3

yandere reader vibes sorry

c h r o l l o

for this, we are going to assume that you are the “weakest” link of the crime hunter agency

so they make you the bait

sorry i just want to cover all of our bases

you definitely have a lot of potential, you are just incredibly clumsy, and taking down the phantom troupe is something that requires plenty of people on the job

chrollo already knows you’re a crime hunter when he “runs into you” at a bar, as well as the fact that you aren’t working alone

but he entertains you, just because he’s bored lol

i can already picture you being caught off guard by how handsome chrollo is, because honestly im sorry who wouldn’t be

you kind of even forget you’re there on a job

but, when chrollo asks if you know about nen and what type of nen you use, you quickly remember why you’re there

you smile, “yes, i’m a specialist.”

he asks you to show him, but you decline

“i will lose it if i do.”

chrollo smirks, “smart girl.”

with that, you feel a sharp pain on the side closest to chrollo, and everything goes dark as you tumble into his arms

once you wake up, all the spiders surround you, chrollo in the center

“caught in the web.” you say, as chrollo’s eyes lighten up.

“precisely.”

“is there any way to escape a spider’s web?”

“prove to be worthy.”

there he went again, begging to see your nen so he could steal it

but just because you were thought to be the weakest link, didn’t mean it was true

“i mean, you’re looking at it right now.”

the troupe stares in confusion, and before chrollo can respond, one of the spiders falls to the ground, beheaded. (i can’t pick who so just pretend its ur least favorite <3)

the spiders stand there in shock

there were two of you.

the real you, free and unbounded, makes the clone disappear

“you said you were a specialist, but this seems to be a conjurer technique?”

“the speciality is that you can’t steal it. it isn’t exactly nen.”

this is the first time someone’s caught chrollo off guard, he has no idea what to do, i mean how did he know that this you wasn't a clone?

“now, i’ve heard once a leg is missing, there needs to be a replacement. what does the head think?”

you weren’t just a crime hunter, you were a double agent who wanted in on the phantom troupe

the moment chrollo realized your abilities weren’t nen, i think that’s when he fell in love

hear me out

he knows he’s going to be indebted to you forever

and we all know those books he reads...mf is a hopeless romantic who if in love, pretty much is absolutely obsessed

and boy is he obsessed already

of course, he is unable to steal it from you which is quite a drag

but, with you there, and your undiscovered abilities, the phantom troupe was basically unbeatable

something he wanted so badly

“welcome to the troupe number ___.” (once again i can’t decide who LOL you guys can pick)

you protect him and he protects you. 

if any of the troupe questions you and your decisions, he defends you so fast

eventually the troupe is referred to as “a spider with two heads”

kinda cute, kinda funky fresh name for thieves and murderers<3 at least u guys r passionately in love <3 

i hope this was good!! im kind of rusty so sorry :( im finishing up some other requests, and im thinking of crossposting a fic on here and on ao3, inspired by my dr strange/hxh hcs :) but requests are still open! guidelines right here  (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ thank you to everyone who shows love to my posts!

#hunter x hunter #hxh #hxh hcs #adultrio hcs #adultrio x reader #hisoka x reader #chrollo x reader #illumi x reader #hisoka hc #chrollo hc #illumi hc

[kanesthirstblog]

NSFW ALPHABET: ABE HARUAKI

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Requires lots of aftercare but also wants to take care of you. Very clingly, like, will latch onto you and cuddle you for the rest of the night clingy. You should probably give him some reassurance or comfort, he seems like the type to stress about whether or not he was any good to you once the fun is over.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Hmmm... Totally the sappy kinda guy who tells you he loves all of your body and thinks it's beautiful and 100% means every praise he sings you about it. He loves everything about you from your soft hair to the tips of your toes.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

God. Just imagining him sprawled out on any surface with an exhausted yet dopey look in his eyes, covered in his own cum (and/or yours of course!) after a few rounds of sex really makes me feel satisfied. Really can't explain this one

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Secretly a bit of a masochist but also scared of being hurt so he never asks even if he really wants to.

Also secretly owns a couple erotic novels he used as "research" when you first brought up wanting a sexual relationship. Since you are his first, he would want to see how he's supposed to act in that scenenrio so he could please you properly. (But damn was he shocked when you wanted to be the dominant one. That wasn't in his books.) Haruaki learns the importance of communication that day.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Dudes a canon virgin y'all. This also excites me.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Secretly loves it when he's on his back so he can see your face as you ride him or peg him. He just thinks you're the prettiest person he's evermet and loves watching you even as you tease or toy with him.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's a sappy guy. Would probably look at you like a puppy who sees someone they really love. Besides that he's have that dopey look like he's never been happier than he is in that moment, smiling up at you.

Once you've had sex a couple times he might start opening up more, cracking jokes and asking shy requests from you.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Yup. Makes sure he's nice and clean especially

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He really tries hard to be romantic but he has 0 experience in this area and often fumbles his way through it by trying to be sweet and make you feel good. Very bad at saying romantic things and would probably give up after a bit before he dies from embarassment.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Tbh I actually think he'd barely masturbate if he did at all. This is partly because I actually have an asexual headcanon for him and partly cause in canon he seems really put off by sexual things if not being outright afraid of them.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Contrary to some of the fandom headcanons, I don't really imagine the sailor uniform thing as a kink. It just seems like a typical fixation or something that gets played up for laughs to a strange degree. But maybe thats my ADHD dumbass brain projecting my ADHD onto a fave. (Off topic but him knowing everything about sailor uniforms, from design to creation, being able to make them himself, getting happy any time he sees one, ect. Are headcanons I have because his weird fixation with them reminds me of my fixation on rocks, mushrooms, and jewelry.)

HOWEVER

Praise kink. Body worship. He'd love to be pet gently while you tell him how pretty he is. How you love his soft hair or his long legs or slender form as you lightly trail you fingertips down his body or card fingers through his hair. And he would do the same for you too.

Might at least try pegging, and then realizes he actually likes it when you hold him down and pound his ass.

Would be too embarrassed and a bit scared to bring this up but actually likes the idea being treated roughly. If you could pull at his hair and bite him even a little bit he'd practically melt in your hands.

Might try bondage if it's light. Soft hand cuffs or silk ropes are the way to go.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

At home. Anywhere is fine as long as its at home

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

The fastest way is probably being physical with him or just stripping for him. He gets embarassed and tries to hide but you know he's aroused, you can feel it when you sit on his lap.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He'd probably not be okay with having more than one partner. You might frighten him if he starts feeling like you guys are ganging up on him.

Public/semi-public sex is a no go. Especially since he is a teacher, he wouldn't risk his job on the off chance you both get caught.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

I think he actually might no be very into oral at first. But will give or recieve though you may have to hear some complaint about it being kind of unsanitary or something. He's also kinda bad a giving oral but what did you expect? He's a virgin.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Personally prefers the slow and sensual kinda sex but you set the pace regardless so ultimately it's up to you. He won't be turned into a stuttering mess right away if you guys take it slow.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Alright with it as long as it stays private. You'll be the only one asking for these but try to get him in the morning before he leaves for work so you can corner him against a counter. Its best when his back is turned so you can grab his hair and lick along his throat, nipping here and there. He'd shiver in your arms as you trail a hand down to undo his pants

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

As long as it isn't a risk to him (would probably be too scared to try knifeplay) or job (no public/semi-public sex) you could probably talk him into it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Hmmm... Depends I guess. I feel like he might only be active for a round or maybe 2 before he starts slowing down. You could still pound the guy into the mattress but he'll have those half lidded doe eyes cloudy with exhaustion. He'd wrap his arms around you loosely as if you'll help ground him to the waking world and try to hold you closer to him.

At that point you should definitely ask a few times before you start another round to make sure he's okay and reassure him that it's alright to stop now. Strikes me as someone who could easily fall into a place where he'd hide his desire to stop just so you can use him for your own fun since it makes you happy. That could be kinda bad for his mental health.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

You'd be the one with all the toys tbh. But you can sure as hell use them on him.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He's not much of a tease but if he's feeling playful, he might play up the innocent look of his. He really is a pretty innocent guy actually, but he knows you love that sweet look he's got to him and he will use it on you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

So damn loud. This guy would moan and beg loudly, scream your name and plead for mercy, for relief as you all but eat him alive. Might even cry and whine and beg. Oh, but he tries to be quiet so he doesn't risk disturbing anyone. He'd purse his lips and turn away from you while you play with his body in an attempt to stay quiet but he always gives in quickly. It's easy to turn this guy into a whimpering, begging mess no matter how many times you do this.

You'll know when he's tired because he will be unable to make much noise besides low pants and gasps. Probably best to wrap things up at that point before ya fuck him unconcious.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

I have a few actually.

-Has a hard time saying no to you. He's a bit cowardly and overthinks and he would be afraid to lose a first relationship. This is potentially hazardous to his mental health because he might say "yes" to something he doesn't want for fear of losing you. Consent is important though so even if it's difficult at first, keep checking to make sure he's alright.

-I actually headcanon him as a sex indifferent asexual. He can 100% live with sex or without it. Doesn't matter to him, though he's terrified of trying it for the first time.

-The first time you tried to get him in bed, you pinned him to a wall and he was terrified because he thought you were trying to shake him down or harass him. (Well, the latter part was true but not the way he expected.) And then you kissed him and he straight up broke, wrapped himself in blankets and hid under the futon for the rest of the day. Disappointing? Sure, but damn was it cute.

-I'm actually caught up on how he would take to dirty talk tbh since a lot of it I've seen or heard involves some form or another of calling your partner a slut or whatever. Seems to be popular. On one hand if he's secretly a masochist, he might be into it. But on the other, he also seems like he might take anything you say to him to heart and beat himself up over it and would ultimately not like it. Also probably would not be comfortable if he did the dirty talking and assuming he manages to make it through the night without apologizing to you for everything he says, then you'll hear it when you finish.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Mandragora patterned briefs. You cannot change my mind on this one.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Not very, so he's pretty chill about it.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends on how much you exhausted him but it usually doesn't take that long.

Bonus:

Some more cute Haruaki.

#youkai gakkou no sensei hajimemashita #a terrified teacher at ghoul school #abe haruaki #haruaki abe #nsfwheadcanons

[iwaisa]

request. congrats on 200 lovie, its we deserved 🥰🥰 can i request for the whole alphabet for futakuchi :,) - anon

a/n. thank you so much!! i apologize if this was bad and i hope i characterized him right ! <3

► now playing...

a - affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

↳ he’s not super affectionate, but he’s not dismissive either. he’ll hold your hand and kiss your temple in public but likes to save other stuff for the comfort of your own homes.

b - best friend (what would they be like as a best friend? how would the friendship start?)

↳ there’s not many scenes with futakuchi, but i would assume you would have to be in his class. he’d be really quiet at first but he’ll begin to warm up to you.

c - cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

↳ he really likes taking lazy days, so yes. he would cuddle with you tucked into his side and him on his back with an arm slung around your shoulders.

d - domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

↳ he would love to be able to settle down with you, and i believe he’s really good (not perfect, but good) at both cooking and cleaning.

e - ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

↳ he probably would do it straight away so he doesn’t get too caught up in his thoughts. of course, he wants you to be okay so he’ll probably distance himself to give you and him both time to heal.

f - fiance(e) (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

↳ he definitely would love a super romantic wedding. he’s probably thinking about different themed weddings like a beach wedding, vintage, or just a party. i bet a few years after college, he doesn’t want to rush.

g - gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

↳ he’s really really gentle both physically and emotionally. he likes to tuck your hair behind your ears if it gets in the way, and he likes rubbing circles into your back/thighs/hands with his thumbs. he’s a very lazy person (i think? maybe i’m wrong haha) and i believe he’s doting, but super soft.

h - hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)

↳ he’s a big fan of hugs. you’re his recharge point, and he loves wrapping his arms all the way around your body and squeezing while tucking his face into your neck/chest.

i - i love you (how fast do they say the l-word?)

↳ he doesn’t say it too fast, but not too late. he doesn’t want you to be weirded out by him, so i bet he would wait until you said it first.

j - jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?)

↳ he doesn’t get jealous, he just gets kind of irked. if someone’s flirting with you he’ll simply take you out of that situation and pepper you with kisses

k - kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)

↳ lazy kisses! he loves just lazily leaving kisses around your face/collarbone/neck/arms wherever. he loves when you do the same.

l - little ones (how are they around children?)

↳ he’s actually really good around children. he will freak out and get irritated if they get into trouble lol

m - morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

↳ lazy mornings!!! he likes to sleep in whenever he can so he probably wakes up around 11 or so. he likes to make breakfast with you because he wants to make sure he makes it how you like it.

n - night (how are nights spent with them?)

↳ he’s exhausted. as soon as he’s done showering he’s just going to want to cuddle with you while listening to soft music. yours or his, it doesn’t matter.

o - open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

↳ he usually takes more time to open up and he takes it takes him longer to reveal everything. this doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to, he just doesn’t want it to be overwhelming for you.

p - patience (how easily angered are they?)

↳ he’s not angered easily at all. he does tend to get irritated but he never wants to get irritated to the point where he raises his voice at you. he never wants to see you get scared or startled because of him.

q - quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

↳ he doesn’t remember a lot, but when he does it all starts flooding back into his memory.

r - remember (what is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

↳ his favourite moment was the your first date. after a volleyball game he took you on his bike to a hill he used to go to as a kid and the two of you just talked and maybe shared your first kiss ;)

s - security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

↳ he’s pretty laid back, so i bet he’s protective but not too protective. if you two are walking through crows he likes to keep his hand on the small of your back, and to him, it feels good when you cling to the back of his shirt.

t - try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

↳ he’s a romantic, so he definitely knows the perfect dates and the perfect places to take you on small adventures. he typically asks you what types of gifts you would like to receive and if you don’t tell him he’ll ask all your friends ;D

u - ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

↳ he gets really distant when he’s irritated and tends to snap at others when they’re prying too much. he needs that space to cool down, but he’ll be super apologetic.

v - vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

↳ i like to think he tries hard to look good for you but if you ask him if he’s changed anything about his clothes or hair he plays it off and asks you the same question to distract you from him.

w - whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

↳ oh definitely. he would 100% miss his partner in crime.

x - xtra (a random headcanon for them)

↳ his wiki page says his favourite food is sour gummies, so he likes to keep them in his bag.

y = yuck (what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

↳ he wouldn’t like someone spontaneous (think koganegawa) it just annoys him easily.

z - zzz (what is a sleep habit of theirs?)

↳ he likes to tire himself out by watching videos on youtube.

issa’s 200 follower event!

#issa's 200 follower event! #haikyuu!! #kenji futakuchi #haikyuu!! x reader #futakuchi x reader #futakuchi kenji

[fairycosmos]

Thank U! So me& my ex broke up 2 years ago. They broke up w/me but once I got Over the initial upset it was more mutual cuz I knew it was 4the best. We didnt talk for ages but got back in contact& have been gr8 friends since. We dont talk all the time but we are very open bout how important the other is 2us, we support each other thru life&just really get& see each other. We broke up cuz we were both in a bad way after the abuse we faced due to their ex. We kept on having misunderstandings& arguments but it was more to do with the proximity to the trauma cuz on reflection our fights werent bad we were just in a bad place&in a LDR so we relied on text/calls&facetime which made everything harder. Ive never gotten over them& its not from lack of trying but everything about them makes my heart sing. I love them in a way I cant fully explain. It feels like no other love Ive had its like breathing it feels natural to my whole being. Loving them helped me to love myself better love others better heal myself& grow so much. Ive loved before but never any real issues letting someone go after we broke up. Even if it was hard Im not the type to pine over some1 or any of that but if they asked me in the morning Id drop everything now to move where they are and to try to work on things. Ive thought about& tried to bring it up more than once but something always happened to1 of us that would of just made the timing inappropriate& they mean too much to me to just throw it at them when theyre going thru shit. Even if it didnt work out& they didnt want me Id want to talk about it in a way that was as comfortable& healthy as poss for us both: its still not a good time rn for me to bring it up. They have a lot of on w/family & work & I’m also working thru some stuff so Im not looking to talk rn but I been thinking about them so much today. I miss them a lot& have that “idk what to do” feeling. I just mostly really needed to get it off my chest& maybe have another opinion cuz I cant really talk to any1 about it so Thank U again for listening to me. - cj x

hey!! :) honestly to me it sounds like you have a really good + realistic understanding of your own situation. i’m really sorry for the pain you’re in and how heavy it all must feel, how frustrating it must not to be able to make things work at the moment when you love someone that much. all the hurt, confusion and sadness is completely justified and it is ok to sit with it and let it out until it leaves you entirely. no matter how long that takes. it’s all just a process. i’ve seen it happen quite a lot - where the person is right but the timing is wrong. if you want my opinion ig the first thing that came to mind for me like was, okay so you recognize that now is not the time to confess to them or to start anything romantic, but you also recognize that you both love each other and you’re both on the same page about how important you are to each other. that’s a really good sign because it indicates that even if you don’t get into a proper relationship any time soon, you’re still going to keep each other in your lives and you’re still going to nurture the love between you. i know platonic love is a little different but all of the goodness is still there and it’s still something to celebrate, to not shy away from. anyway, what i’m saying is, since you can’t do much to confront it right now - maybe planning what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it could occupy your mind until the time is right. if you can’t control the when you can least control the how. maybe writing down your thoughts and reading them over, trying your best to find what expression feels most accurate to your emotions could be a good place to start. perhaps seeing it all clearly laid out like that will help you feel less conflicted and more sure of where you want to go from here. i think it’s natural to not be fully certain anyway because emotions r so wishy washy at the best of times. it’s normal not to know what to do, nobody goes. we just do the best we can to be honest w the people we care about. sidenote it’s really respectful of you to be so considerate of whether or not they can handle such a heavy conversation btw, it’s really cool of you. you clearly care about them a lot as i’m assuming they do to you nd that’s what matters the most. so yeah i guess feeling it out and being prepared to have the talk when the moment presents itself would b the best course of action?? imo anyway. i’m usually a bit wary of going back to old flames but it doesn’t sound like you ended on bad terms last time. and it also sounds like you’re still super in love with them, AND like you’re going to be respectful of whatever their response may be. so i can’t see this ruining things for you guys beyond repair. anyway i really hope you guys get there eventually and that you both share a lot of love and life together for many years to come. i’m rooting for you a lot!! take care x

#anon

[himbowelsh]

hii !! i was wondering if you were still doing the valentines day headcanon’s thing cus i’d love to see a babe heffron one 🥺💖 if you aren’t its alright !! i hope you’re having a great day

valentines day alphabet  ( accepting! )

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

He’s so casual with it, to the point of being downright thoughtless. Babe hands out his affection in bright grins, loud laughter, soaking up personal space...  but he’s also a very intent, reactive listener. He’s excellent at engaging people. When Babe approves of someone, he doesn’t keep it to himself; his affection is vocal, physical, and uninhibited.

B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

He doesn’t know the first thing about flowers, but will fumble his way through a florist’s shop for a good cause. Should he be allowed to is the real question  ---  Babe trying to grow things is downright hazardous.

C   :   CHOCOLATE.   does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

He’s literally summoned by the word ‘chocolate’. Get one syllable out, and he’s there. Babe doesn’t have a favorite, he doesn’t need a favorite, he’s just a chocolate fiend.

D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

Is it cliche to say bowling? Because lowkey...  Babe’s a really, really great bowler. He shouldn’t be as good as he is. He doesn’t even like bowling that much, it’s just a talent, okay? And he does like showing off. Aside from that...  he’d love to go out dancing. Babe’s also a great dancer (notice he wants to impress his partner so bad that he’s only choosing things he’s good at) and will throw down any time, any day.

E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

An impulsive hugger, usually without warning, and absolutely not shy about it. Tight, enthusiastic embraces, with a bit more squeezing than necessary. Sometimes gets really into cuddling, if someone’s offering it up.

F   :   FLIRT.   is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

He...  doesn’t flirt, to be honest. Doesn’t know how. Doesn’t realize when people are doing it to him. He’s just Babe, loud and enthusiastic and kind of goofy, with a definite charm to him; that seems to draw people in. Babe has the most success winning a date when he doesn’t try.

G   :   GIFT.   is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

He gives weird-ass gifts, man. Things people would never need, and certainly don’t want. He bought Spina a whole keyboard once  ---  do you think Spina knows how to play the goddamn keyboard? He bought Bill Guarnere a Starbucks gift card. Babe always tries to get good gifts, but then he spots something and immediately settles upon it being the perfect gift; from then on, nothing can talk him out of it.

H   :   HEART.   is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

Very quick, and not usually that cautious about it. Babe’s impulsive, and doesn’t always think things through when it comes to how things can go wrong. He trusts his instincts...  and if his instincts tell him to love someone, he’s got no choice. Acquires crushes very easily, and they tend to stick.

I    :   I LOVE YOU.   does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

Super easy? Why shouldn’t it be easy? It’s the truth, right? (He’s so casual about it, literally does not overthink it whatsoever  ---  throws out “I love you”s on any occasion, at any time, including while he’s on the toilet or just managed to burn dinner.)

J   :   JEALOUSY.   does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

Again, Babe and jealousy just really don’t tango. He’s not a suspicious person. He doesn’t...  notice things. Doesn’t notice flirting when he’s being flirted with, and doesn’t notice it when his partner’s on the recieving end. He just assumes everyone is being friendly until proven otherwise, and it’s a dangerous habit.

K   :   KISS.   is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

Needs to slow down. He gets very into it very quickly  —  and the more enthusiastic Babe gets, the clumsier he gets. He’s an adventurous kisser, eager to explore so long as his partner will let him; better with his tongue than you’d expect; has a tendency to laugh into his kisses, which almost ruins the mood, but he manages to salvage it with a well-placed kiss behind the ear or on the temple. Has exactly no finesse, but a lot of enthusiasm. Babe’s big thing is touch, so he has to have his hands on his partner  —   preferably braced against their chest, squeezing lightly, as a way to keep himself focused while he works.

L   :   LOVE.   who does your muse love?

Oh god, where to begin? He loves his Ma and Pop to hell and back, adores his brothers and sister, loves all his extended family (and there are a lot of Heffrons), would throw down for any of his friends, is close with plenty of coworkers...  Babe lets people in easily, and ends up loving more than he ought to.

M   :   MOONLIGHT.   is morning or night a more romantic setting?

Eughh. Very much not a morning person, and would never subject a partner to romance before 10am.

N   :   NAUGHTY.   what is your muse like in bed?

He gets so excited that he literally ends up falling over himself; has had a few near-death experiences, where his partner has pressed forwards while kissing him and he’s just...  tumbled the hell over. Onto the floor. But Babe’s versatile (not to mention flexible)  and can have sex anywhere if the situation calls for it. Extremely adventurous  ---  not just location-wise, but up to try most positions and most kinks, if given the right amount of persuasion. Aside from the clumsiness, Babe has an innate rhythm instead, lots of stamina, and is able to match his partner’s pace. he gets overstimulated easily, and runs out of breath if they push him too hard  ---  but the bright red flush to his face isn’t a sign of an impending stroke, it means he’s loving it. Babe’s also vocal; he can’t help it, rambling about how amazing his partner is and moaning in between each thrust is just how he keeps himself anchored a little bit, otherwise his brain would steam right out his ears.

O   :   ODE.   does your muse have a way with words?

He’s no poet, that’s for sure. Babe sometimes gets ahead of himself and stumbles over his words, especially when he’s excited  ---   but just get him pissed off. You’ve never heard someone tell another person of in such a crisp, clear, cutting tone.

P   :   PARTNER.   what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

Babe wants someone he can have fun with. Somebody who appreciates his sense of humor, even if they don’t always respond in kind. Someone...  with a lot of love to give. Genuinely, he’s not picky. Babe could do well in a relationship with pretty much anyone, but he prefers someone who values honesty; he’d thrive with a grounding force to his sometimes-frenetic energy, but overall, Babe just needs someone he can play off of.

Q   :   QUESTION.   would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

He’ll be nervous as hell in the lead-up, and the ring will be burning a hole in his pocket, but he’ll ask. He’ll try, at least. This is Babe, walking human disaster on a good day. Trust him to drop the ring in a storm gutter as soon as he gets on one knee, then get his arm stuck trying to reach for it. The firefighters who come to pry him out have to propose for him.

R   :   ROMANCE.   is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

He could try to be cynical and still wouldn’t manage it. Babe’s a romantic to his core... and even if it doesn’t always come out in conventional ways (like clearing the potato chip crumbs off the couch before his partner sits, or leaving a trail of quarters on the floor to their bedroom)  he's always got a knack for making things special.

S   :   SWEETHEART.   did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

Yeah. Mary Anna Giarratano. Her parents barely spoke English, the entire family had less than twenty bucks to their name, and Dolores was the hardest soccer ball kicker on the whole playground. In one afternoon, she sent a ball flying so far it landed in a tree and punched Jimmy Doherty for making fun of Babe’s haircut. Babe fell in love. (Dolores didn’t want the first thing to do with him, but the infatuation lasted for a year or two.)

T   :   TRUE LOVE.   does your muse believe in true love?

It’s not something he’s thought a lot about, but he’s never doubted it. Of course true love exists. Some people stay together and happy for their whole lives. If that ain’t true love, what is?  (At the moment, he’s unwilling to admit to himself how much he wants that kind of love.)

U   :   UNREQUITED.   has your muse had their heart broken?

...  romantically? Nah, he’s still unbroken. Let’s just say he wasn’t sobbing over Darlin’ Doris.

V   :   VALENTINE.   how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

...  it’s expensive. Like, why are chocolate boxes so expensive? Why do restaurants literally expect you to pay more on Valentine’s day, just for the same food you’d always get? And why the hell does jewelry cost so much? Babe doesn’t mind Valentine’s day, but hates how commercialized (read: pricey) it is. His ideal V-Day is doing something intimate but totally free. He... can think of a few ideas.

W  :   WEDDING.   would your muse get married? why / why not?

He’s very daunted by the idea at first, because he just...  doesn’t feel old enough to get married? Doesn’t feel ready? I could see Babe waiting a good few years to get married, and even then, he’d have to be in a long-term relationship for a while. He’s not afraid of spending the rest of his life with the person he loves  ---  it’s just the concept of marriage itself, how serious people take it, that intimidates him. (He’s of the mindset that two people truly in love shouldn’t have to put a legal ring on it, but...  hey, he’ll still do it, just to make his partner  (and Ma) happy.)

X   :   XOXO.   does your muse use / like pet names?

Not that often. He tends to just go with straight names or surnames  ---  he’s not a big nicknamer out loud, but will sometimes give someone a name in his head that sticks, especially if he doesn’t catch their name the first time. 

Y   :   YOURS.   does your muse get protective easily?

Definitely. Sometimes he’s too quick to jump at the gun  ---  hey, he sees somebody stepping in on someone he loves, he’s not gonna stop to ask questions, and it’s gotten him in trouble a few times  ---  but his heart’s in the right place. Babe is a fierce defender of his loved ones, and he can give as good with his mouth as he can with his fists.

Z   :   ZZZ.   how many people has your muse slept with?

...  okay, listen.  It’s something he’s genuinely defensive of, because it ain’t like he’s a virgin, okay? He’s...  slept with people. Once or twice. He’s doing fine. Babe’s problem isn’t sleeping with people, but keeping them afterwards...  which is really what he prefers. He’s not a hook-up guy, but up to this point, he’s never really been a steady relationship guy either. He wants to, and he tries, just hasn’t managed it yet. So...  he’s slept with 2 - 3 people, max. If asked, he’ll talk himself up and claim it’s more. Only Bill knows the truth.

#liebegott #babe heffron #band of brothers #headcanons

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

Hiya. I've been noticing a large inequality in the amount of attention each 19 Days couple has been getting, specifically how the fandom seems to favour Tianshan over Zhanyi. I was wondering why you think this is, especially since Zhanyi is the more romantic couple and have been around a lot longer. Do you think there is any reason behind it in the narrative or do you think this speaks more to the fandom's nature?

Good afternoon, dear anon-san!

I feel like I’m starting every answer with this lately but I’m sorry it took me a while to get to your question. Thank you for your patience! One of the reasons why I took my time answering this is that your question was a bit different from what I usually get. I feel like whenever one talks about Fandom Discourse™, it requires a different kind of thinking hat than analyzing the story and characters themselves.

Also, before I get into this further I think I should remind you that all of this is coming from someone who’s OTP is Tianshan. I always try to include objectivity and keep my biases in check in my answers, but Tianshan is my personal disposition. Just something to keep in mind when it comes to my thoughts regarding hot potato topics like this one.

The  fandom rhetoric and discourse of Tianshan vs. Zhanyi

I think a good place to start is to take a step back and look at the overall rhetoric and discourse of this conversation. The way we talk about something and the kinds of words we use play an essential role in how the topic, in general, is seen. Words carry our attitudes and have the power to tint the nature and tone of the conversation.

Your ask is a good example. Words like “inequality”, “favor X over Y”, “more romantic”, and “been around a lot longer” carry on the discourse - a way of talking about something - that I have seen around quite a lot. That it’s unfair Zhanyi doesn’t get at least an equal amount of attention compared to Tianshan. That they are the first couple - the main couple - but now they have been taking the backseat for quite a while both in the fandom and comic itself. They’re also the more “romantic” couple which usually translates into “healthier”, so surely they should be more popular.

Now, I don’t know if you chose to put things in that way because it reflects your personal thoughts on the matter or for some other reason. And I suppose it doesn’t really matter. This part isn’t meant to point fingers at anyone - yourself included, dear anon-san - but rather discuss the nature of the conversation in general.

I want to address this aspect because I think this kind of rhetoric carries some misconceptions and counterproductive attitudes. There is no rule anywhere that says the first couple A)is entitled to the most love and appreciation of the fans or B)is the only main couple/focus the story can have. This isn’t about unfairness, inequality, or readers somehow owing anything to the first couple. I think we have passed the point of thinking 19 Days only has one main couple a long time ago.

Also, when it comes to Tianshan vs. Zhanyi, people are quick to be evaluative. In other words, to think one is somehow better than the other based on their own personal tastes and, in Tianshan’s case, morality. Just because Zhanyi is more “romantic” doesn’t mean it should appeal to the readers more than Tianshan. They are two completely different dynamics that appeal to people differently. And just because the one deemed more controversial is also the popular one doesn’t have to mean the fandom is somehow problematic.

All that being said, though, I don’t blame the Zhanyi fans. I understand their frustration and where it stems from. As a Tianshan shipper, it’s easy for me to get on my high horse and just tell them to deal with the shift in focus in the comic and that the Zhanyi tag is quite dry compared to Tianshan. I get all of that and I feel for you guys. I just really don’t agree with the usual arguments about fairness, being there first, and owing something. I understand those are probably the most convenient arguments to grasp and take your frustration out on. But they’re not based on some truths or principles of fiction like some people seem to think they are.

Is Tianshan more popular among the fans than Zhanyi? If so, why?

It’s difficult to say which ship has the most fans. There aren’t any records of such things, and I believe many of us are fans of both. But based on my experience, I think it’s safe to say Tianshan is at least more active. Many content creators and readers love both Tianshan and Zhanyi but are just more active with Tianshan for some reason. And active content creators and consumers feed new creators and attract even more consumers. For example, whenever both of the couples are featured in a chapter, a lot more Tianshan art based on it flows through my feed than Zhanyi. (Even if I check the tags.) So yes, I think it’s not completely baseless to assume Tianshan is the more popular one out of the two.

As to why that is, I can only speak for myself and draw some very tentative general conclusions based on that.

I think it mostly comes down to Tianshan being the kind of dynamic and MGS and HT being the kinds of characters that often appeal to people and attract their interest. A pushy seme who is devilishly mischevious but also has a dangerous mental switch that - when turned on - excites the readers. Under the seemingly carefree surface, he hides a traumatic past which he doesn’t want to reveal to anyone because it makes him vulnerable. The only exception who is trusted to get close enough to the seme emotionally is a reluctant blushing tsundere uke who loudly claims not to care but who occasionally shows affection in unexpected ways. And the uke’s misunderstood delinquent background combined with his responsible nature and devotion to his family invites us to feel protective of him. Both characters are quite heavy on the “hard exterior, soft/vulnerable interior” type. I think many of those tropes are often featured and very popular in boys love (BL) stories one way or another. 

I also feel like Tianshan as a relationship is more active and dynamic which inspires its content creators and sparks discussions. Both HT and MGS are developing as their relationship keeps developing. And in return, the development of their relationship drives their character development, and round and round it goes. Of course, the same can be said about Zhanyi, but it’s just... less, you know? Smaller in scale and big parts of it are already done.

Compared to that, Zhanyi is more static. Admittedly, they have had less “screentime” than Tianshan, but I’m somewhat struggling to see drastic changes in ZZX and JY’s characters in the future. As a couple and respective characters, ZZX and JY are lightyears ahead of Tianshan (and HT and MGS). But that also means they have already gone through some of the significant emotional turning points. It seems JY’s pending kidnapping is the biggest ever-looming plot point for them for now. But then again we already know they seem to pick up where they left off even after that, so... Is their endgame comfortable domestic bliss and ZZX getting more and more used to their relationship? Whereas Tianshan will probably always carry the theme of right vs. wrong and what it’s like to learn to trust and open up?

I’m not saying either storyline is inherently better than the other because it comes down to everyone’s personal taste and interests. But I could see why Tianshan could attract more readers.

Personally, as much as I adore and root for Zhanyi, I’m more pulled towards Tianshan’s dynamic and MGS’s character. They’re more to my taste and where my interests usually tend to lie. As a content creator, they inspire me more. I feel like Tianshan, MGS, and HT have more complex layers for me to explore. But I’m also sure many Zhanyi shippers would argue otherwise.

So, the narrative of the story or the nature of the fandom? I think it’s a combination of both. And on top of that, it’s different for everyone, so one should be careful about making broad assumptions. One thing is for sure, though: it’s not somehow wrong to have preferences. You don’t have to feel obligated to like something or guilty about liking what you like. It’s unfortunate there’s been a lull in the Zhanyi story and neck of the fandom, but it’s not fair to take it out on the Tianshan fans. 19 Days’ fandom doesn’t have the burden of big ship wars, so please, let’s not create them for nothing. Both Tianshan and Zhanyi are obviously the endgame relationships, so there’s no reason to worry either of is going to be left behind. 

Thank you for your very interesting question, dear anon-san! I’ve been wanting to talk about this, actually, so I’m glad you gave me this nudge.

Also, I want to take this opportunity to wish a happy, healthy, safe, and successful new year to you dear anon-san, all my followers, and anyone reading this post!

#19 days #tianshan #zhanyi #answered ask

[otp-armada]

I am not looking forward to these flashbacks. 

To date, we’ve had four onscreen kisses shared between Bellamy and Echo with additional, smaller moments of other forms of intimacy. I’d rather the show refrain from adding more tally marks to the count. 

If humans were gifted with the capacity for purging unwanted memories, then all this discomfort would be a moot point. I suppose there’s always alcohol as a fallback option, but not even the prospect of temporary amnesia is worth destroying my liver. Turning to alcohol to drown my B/E-related sorrows would probably qualify more as self-harm than self-help.

I’d much prefer to cut directly to an imminent breakup scene without the pomp and circumstance of an agonized Echo’s trip down memory lane. 

If anything, supplying us with visual evidence on how happy they were together is an even sadder remark on the state of B/E’s fragility, knowing it took 0.001 seconds for the mere mention of Clarke’s name to bring it all to ruin. No collection of past happy moments shared on the Ring erases the fractures in their relationship that occur between them afterward, originating with the revelation of a still-living Clarke. I'd be an absolute fool to believe otherwise. 

But if Jason deems a tour of their greatest hits as necessary to the story, I trust his judgment. Showing us B/E's origins as their romantic relationship begins to fall apart in real-time brings it full circle, and it lends gravitas to the story he's telling with Echo. With this particular arc, the bigger picture is still Echo's evolution. It's not about B/E.  

Once season 7 started, there was a visible shift in how Jason utilized B/E.  Whereas seasons 5 and 6 primarily used B/E as the third leg in a love triangle designed to keep a pining Bellarke apart, season 7 uses their master-spy dynamic to bolster Echo's development almost exclusively. Post-season 6, Bellarke is so primed to get together, one honest admission of mutual feelings without Echo as an obstacle and BOOM. Canon couple. 

Echo has a more extensive role than girl-to-be-dumped, and I'm not upset over it. She gets to stand up as a character after the majority of her life has been marked by slavery for her crown, and I'm not upset over it. As indemnification for the loss of her relationship, this orphan-turned-soldier is finding her place in a supportive, loving family while developing a sense of identity and independence, and I'm not upset over it.

I would’ve preferred Jason found a way to take her on this path without B/E remaining intact this far into the final season and theoretically for the foreseeable episodes. I would always choose to end them sooner rather than later, given a choice. But I understand why Jason didn't. 

Echo can’t very well outgrow a master-spy complex if there is no master to her spy. And as much as I hate it, the romantic aspect of B/E is a believable, convenient tool to keep this complex in place until her story comes to fruition. Would Echo act so extremely in service to a recent ex-boyfriend who left her for another woman? Probably not. As far as I can tell, the pinnacle of her arc is the moment she realizes she has to break free from Bellamy. So narrative structure demands B/E stay together, however technically, long enough for her to break those chains. 

I was initially excited about the flashbacks, if only because I took them as a sign of an impending breakup. But the timing doesn't pan out. Aside from the logistics of Echo and Bellamy presumably on separate worlds, and with her thinking him dead, we've only just reached the point where Echo might start to ask herself those hard questions she's been avoiding. She must have noticed a change in her relationship. Between Psychosis!Emori, B/E's 6x04 fight, and Anomaly!Roan, she's had enough cause for doubt. But I think she's suppressed any urge to reflect upon it for a number of reasons. Love. Continued hope they'll last. War. A mission to save him. It took a lot of meticulous maneuvering to corner Echo to this point. Now that we're here, I don't think Jason would pull a reverse Uno card in a 40-minute episode. It seems more likely that he will let her continue to stew in her emotions. Either she'll keep sinking until she hits rock bottom, or she'll start learning how to swim. 

Jason could always prove me wrong. And if I am, I'd never be happier for him to do so. If I'm not? It's at times like this when I am reminded of the resolution I made at the end of season 6- rest easy in the comfort of knowing B/E will meet its inevitable end but do not try to speculate when that might be. Attempting to discern the specifics of "when" brings one only misery. 

Jason’s signature sometimes-too-fast, other-times-too-slow pacing, is often liable to tempt one into ripping their own hair out. That being said, I’ve seen enough of this show to trust in his ability to tell a damn good story. Faith in his competency for the craft just requires on our part, the patience of a saint. 

If nothing else, it isn’t my story to tell, so I’ll just have to suck it up and find a way to deal with any disappointments I may feel. Or I can try to find the value within the story told. It's a better alternative than to be left bitter. No promises, though.

Maybe Echo’s actions against the Disciples aren’t reprehensible, considering the people she’s killing are those complicit in kidnapping and torturing her people. But Orlando was a good, honorable man whose naïveté convinced him to play for the wrong team, yet helped our heroes when he didn’t have to. Not unlike Shaw, whom Echo sold to Diyoza to fulfill her mission. But I assume “We are not his people” is residual mistrust leftover from Ryker’s betrayal of her. She miscalculated the feelings of one possible defector before, she won’t make the same mistake twice. 

If she was able to save Bellamy in the end, I’m sure she’d be able to justify the spilled blood it took to get there. But Orlando suffered at her hands for nothing, and she may not be overly concerned with morality, but she cares for the people she grows close to. Unless the episode proves otherwise, I’d like to think Orlando’s fate will weigh heavily on her. 

They may not have been close. But five years in close quarters with only a few people akin to friends for comfort, it'd be hard not to feel the slightest bit attached.

Those of us who believe in Bellarke know Echo is the third-party obstacle in a love triangle. But what is far more interesting is the role she played in the seasons-long Blake siblings struggle. 

Echo was persona non grata to both siblings following her and Octavia's mountaintop fight. Six years later, she highlights the difference in the siblings' maturities. Whereas Bellamy has learned to embrace empathy and forgiveness with open arms, Octavia is cold and unyielding. On a more personal note, B/E represents Octavia's persistent unwillingness to respect Bellamy as his own person, with needs and wants independent of her. 

After her soul searching on Skyring, I thought she had buried the hatchet, as per her lack of vitriol in her 6x12 conversation with Bellamy, and enthusiastically joining forces with Echo in 6x13. Maybe she did. But Octavia has also proven herself an unreliable narrator, and Hope feels indignation on her aunt's behalf. Whatever the case, there's a reason why the dialogue keeps referencing Echo and Octavia's hostile history. And I think it's building to a head in 7x07. 

I think mutual love for Bellamy is healing the divide between them when Echo is at her most fractured. She's isolated from Bellamy and the rest of Spacekru. Left in pain and seeking retribution as Octavia did, which, as we know, is where it all went wrong for the latter. Octavia, more than most, is in the best position to empathize with what Echo is currently feeling and how pain can destroy her if she lets it consume her. 

If Octavia can remind Echo she's not alone, if a former enemy can convince her she belongs and welcome her with open arms- as her brother did before her- it might do well in healing some broken piece inside of her. And it would be a roundabout display of Octavia's newfound maturity. This is good for both of them. This spiral she is in will require her to look inward. Since her fixation with Bellamy is partly what landed her in this mess, absolution cannot come from him. She can only find it in herself if she wants it. But I'd be glad if Octavia can help see her through it. This is what I mean about seeking value in the story told. We're so concerned about Octavia calling Echo family, about the possibility of it legitimizing B/E, it doesn't occur to us that it's about the characters themselves. And B/E is only a vehicle used to bring us there. It's easier to see when not consumed by automatic seething rage, as typical of our fellow Bellarke compatriots, for anything remotely associated with Echo.

If my heart and mind weren’t chanting “BELLARKEBELLARKEBELLARKE,” there’s a good chance I’d be able to better appreciate the complexities B/E gives to the development of the four characters it directly impacts. 

Our side of fandom has made lots of accusations about B/E since 5x01. It’s a forgettable, physical relationship worth little to Bellamy. B/E is unhealthy for reasons x, y, and z. We generate a different example in every episode. Click slideshow for more details. But the fact of the matter is, much of this isn't true. Until Echo went postal, B/E wasn’t unhealthy. Bellamy just had a greater love for Clarke. Up until their ending scene in 6x04, there was nothing they couldn’t come back from together, if both committed themselves fully, no more walls. It's not a particularly popular train of thought among us, but Jason absolutely could've written B/E as an endgame pairing. And all it would take to deliver a final killing blow is the inclusion of a single damning scene.

We can gripe over the length of time they've stayed together. But, in spite of what most people think about every new B/E development and Bellarke separation, Jason has never actually dropped an ax on Bellarke. Hope persists.

Jason is responsible for the development of dozens of characters, major plots, and dozens of smaller subplots. But our fandom reduced the story chiefly to Bellarke's romance. Our villains are those who stand in their way. Namely Echo, the only outside love interest to be an official obstacle. We fashioned Echo as our enemy. In lieu of removing her from the narrative (which is not in our power to do), we've done everything within our purview to diminish her. If Jason won't treat B/E and Echo as the jokes we know they are, we'll do it ourselves. Minimizing her role in the story makes it a hell of a lot easier to erase a character we'd rather didn't exist for our preferred ship to advance.

Lord knows how many times we've claimed she has no story. That absent relevance or substantial bearing, she's there simply because Jason is partial to her for some elusive reason. But the reality is, we never looked for her story because we wanted to be able to claim its inexistence. We wanted to be able to say she's frivolous to the story, and by extension, to Bellamy. We want to be able to dismantle B/E when it appears Jason doesn't. Except he is and has been doing so since day one. 

Months ago, on a whim, when I was feeling benevolent towards Echo, I wrote a long post HERE giving her the benefit of the doubt, and I said:

In the grand scheme of the story, I think this is the purpose Echo serves, to represent the part that says, “We’re all human. No matter what tribe we belong to, we fight for the same reasons. We love the same way. When you leave allegiances aside, when you see someone for who they are at their core, an enemy today can become a friend tomorrow.”

True peace, a series-long running theme for our heroes, begins with embracing former outsiders like Echo and Emori. Easy to lose sight of this when focused on ship wars. 

It is perfectly acceptable not to love all the components of a story. It is understandable to focus your attention on those select segments you find appealing. But a tunnel-visioned mindset lands you in trouble when you become resentful at the reminders that a story is a composite of more moving pieces than just the parts you like. And when you forget that screentime allotted to developing those pieces ahead of what you favor is permissible. Everything on a show has its time, all in due course. 

On the other hand, B/E shippers overinflate their ship's significance. They take canon and twist it to say, "Look at how strong B/E is, Bellarke could never. B/E is endgame, and Blorkes are delusional." Their conclusion of an epic love is another bias-based fandom interpretation that doesn’t hold water, either. 

I think the reality of B/E lies somewhere in a muddled middle of these two extremes. 

One last point, and I'll get off my soapbox. Despite what the melodramatic diatribe in my opening paragraph suggests, B/E is never as atrocious as fandom makes them out to be. Greater fandom treats anything remotely associated with B/E as the next great catastrophe. And as it turns out, it never really is.  

 Tagging @sometimesrosy, because I think, after years of combating opinions you don’t agree with, it might be a refreshing change of pace to know some of us do have more balanced views regarding B/E. If I do say so myself.

#hmmm how i tag this in a way that will land me in the least amount of hot water? #the 100 meta #with a side order of #fandom wank #long post #the 100 #bellarke #b/e #c/b/e #the 100 season 7 #my post

[at-the-exd-of-everythixg]

][Valentine's Day Alphabet for Mahogany][ A || B || E || F || G || H || I || J || K || L || P || Q || R || T || U || X || Y

@blind-mutant

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

Maggi Moo is rather physical with their affection for the most part, by slumping against Rhys and gentle headbutts. To them, relaxing your body around someone and trusting them with yourself is the highest form of affection.

But they probably pick up some stuff when they figure out what Rhys likes and Mahogany will pay more attention to getting gifts though and the most common ones are either things they have killed for their mate or little trinkets and flowers that they find.

B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

Nah, flowers mean nothing to them. Sure, they look nice sometimes but Mahogany just either munches a flower because they spotted a bug on one or they just ignore flowers. Rhys makes them notice flowers a lot more though. If they had to choose, Mahogany would simply say sky flowers or bright flowers (aka blue and yellow flowers).

E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

Mahogany really enjoys hugs once it becomes clear that Rhys likes them too and it's something they can do nicely! They're very constricting in hugs, in the sense that Mahogany will wrap themselves full bodily around Rhys and tangle their limbs up with him. They're long and lanky - a human noodle - so there's a lot of them all around him. They have the type of crushing hugs where Rhys is left gasping a little if they're over excited and the soft gentle hugs are saved for when Rhys is upset or after sex.

F   :   FLIRT.   is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

Mahogany is...not that good at flirting. Mostly because why play about with words when they can just tell Rhys they want his whole fist inside of them? It's so much more easier to male Rhys blush and squirm when they're brutally honest and it's even funnier to smell him getting horny when they're so close yet so far from wherever they're staying at.

But they adore it when Rhys flirts with them, it makes Mahogany feel special and happy to hear Rhys talk so sweetly to just them.

H   :   HEART.   is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

It's an honest fifty fifty. Mahogany wouldn't exactly trust anyone, what with their experiences of humans, but once you do win their trust? Then you're pack! Mahogany is part of you and you're part of them. They're heart is entirely devoted and Rhys is extra since he's all they have.

But admittedly they were rather quick in giving their heart to him since they assumed he was one of them when they first met anyway. Admittedly when I think about it, they probably become a bit more sensitive to Rhys's lies since they sting so badly.

I    :   I LOVE YOU.   does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

Mahogany is someone who feels rather intensely (very different from their pack) but never quite has the words for how they feel? Its maddening. And once they meet Rhys, who seems to have all the words for everything in their heart? Mahogany is smitten and tries to find all the ways they can scream their love back. It's easy for them to tell Rhys that they love him. But it's also hard too in all the worst ways.

J   :   JEALOUSY.   does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

Yes. Unless Mahogany is certain that someone is theirs' as well? Definitely you can expect them to scowl and most likely do worst things if they think someone is coming near their mate. Mahogany wouldn't ever worry about Rhys cheating, it goes without saying that they would wear him as clothes, but its other people who never get the damn message, so obviously Mahogany must throughly snarl at people and fuck Rhys every night and day to make sure people can smell them on him, no matter how many showers he has.

K   :   KISS.   is your muse a good kisser? why / why not? 

Ehhhhh I don't think so? They're messy and honestly, if I want to go a bit deeper into the lore of Mahogany's body and get weird, I'd say that Mahogany doesn't have the mouth for kissing? Like, you know how animal bones are structured different from humans? That. I mean, holy shit, that would add a new level to their body horror honestly, not being able to properly smile or chew like a person? Tbh it'd be a big difference to show that Rhys is a first generation wendigo and Mahogany is a third since his bones would stay relatively unchanged.

Anyway I'm getting off topic and thinking about biology sorry. Aside from all of that, Mahogany is probably far too sloppy and rough to be a good kisser in most people's eyes but Rhys is not only blind, but a weirdo who seems like the kind of guy who would enjoy being thoat fucked by their tongue so..I guess to him they're a good kisser???

L   :   LOVE.   who does your muse love?

They know that they loved their pack, Mahogany knows that they loved their others, little bodies squirming with them under roots of big trees, waiting for a bigger to leave food behind. They know that they loved Older Alpha, who looked at them so sweetly and so sadly and took care of them, even when their jaw was torn out. Knowing that they loved all of those people just makes it all the more harder to know that they lost those people though.

But Mahogany loves Rhys because he's with them and he's the sweetest person they've ever known, how could they not adore him? He's all they need really.

Mahogany wonders sometimes about whether or not they love their mother though. They don't think she would have loved them back.

P   :   PARTNER.   what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

Mahogany wants someone who's inhuman for sure, mostly because any normal human or human looking person has a quicker chance of being devoured by them. It's more or less the chemistry they have with someone that catches Mahogany's eye than an actual personality trait really.

But still, Mahogany does like someone who isn't afraid to snarl and smile at them.

Q   :   QUESTION.   would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

I mean...Mahogany basically already considers themself married to Rhys. They're pack and they're going to stay together! They're mates! It's probably gonna be a small sucker punch for Rhys when he realises that oh shit Mahogany's basically considered themself married to him since they met. Its fully up to him really if he wants to make a show about asking them or have extra special sex really. They just love their man, you know?

R   :   ROMANCE.   is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

Definitely a little romantic! If Mahogany was human, they'd definitely be the type to always put on really cheesy chick flicks during sleepovers not to mention the one who binges shape of water and writes Frankenstein fanfics. They swoon over Rhys at least once a day otherwise they'll explode.

T   :   TRUE LOVE.   does your muse believe in true love?

They do but they don't realise it. Mahogany knows that they're meant to be with Rhys and absolutely nothing can tear them apart because Mahogany will tear people apart first. No one makes them feel like Rhys does, so obviously it has to be special, right?

U   :   UNREQUITED.   has your muse had their heart broken?

No, Mahogany hasn't ever been close enough to anyone for that. Well, unless you count Rhys telling them he isn't a wendigo heartbreak, then yeah, they're pretty upset and heartbroken about that since it's basically ripping the last piece they thought they had of themselves away.

X   :   XOXO.   does your muse use / like pet names?

Mahogany loves being called sweet things form Rhys! It makes their stomach all flippy and makes their face hot and blushy! They eventually get the hang of nicknames and that's where "Bunny" comes from since he's soft like one and bunnies are very fun to catch and eat when its wintertime. They get huffy if Rhys doesn't call them a sweet name at least once a day.

Y   :   YOURS.   does your muse get protective easily?

Yes, I'd say so judging by the amount of times Mahogany has probably tried to attack people over Rhys, whether they've warranted it or not. Rhys is the only good thing they have left, of course they need to protect him!

#ask #headcanon #the monster of forgotten midnights (mahogany) #blind-mutant

[incarnateirony]

Hey! So, thanks for the rant re: Destiel/shipping culture. I found it clarified or forced me to clarify my own thinking on the matter. Going into the final season, is there anywhere you're specifically hoping they'll take the relationship? Happy to see it play out as it has been? I assume we'll get some closure on Cas taking the blame for Mary.... PS If you're ever going through Fargo (weird right but we are at the intersection of to interstates) hmu! We can whiskey about it. -B.

To answer in parts:

WRT visiting: Fargo is unfortunately out of the way on our initial trip, but once we start actually pulling income who knows what we can manage to pull out of our ass, our long term goal is a lot of travel, so I’ll keep that in mind. The furthest north in the central US we may go is Nebraska and even that is in question, we may just take the 70 out of Kansas City towards Denver across Kansas but maybe another time when we have more expendable income.

WRT the rant: I’m glad it helped. I think we get so consumed by extremization of talking points, birthed bitterness in result and the desperate need to Stick It To the Hets – which someone even mentioned as their motivation in the Note Discourse™ – or the antis or the rival shippers that literally don’t want to see the light of day that we lose sight of what we have. This desperate need to win arguments against people too lined in tin foil for Logic Waves to permeate like

WRT wants of the show: That’s really hard to say. Personally I hit general fulfillment on their relationship at 13.5/6 due to the direct Lisa mirroring and general overtness of that. Antis can try to convince DeanCas fandom it doesn’t mean shit but literally one look at TPTB’s mentions on that day is full of shrieking of “pandering” and “how dare you” with even phrases of “pandering with the romantic shot”. It’s there. They know it. They just hope nobody remembers how upset they were about seeing and acknowledging it to get in the heads and under the skin of people they want to deny it to. At that point, their romance reached its respective bookend. 

(a reminder he didn’t shed a tear in the Lisa version acted out either, if anyone comments on that missing)

I mean how blunt has the show been about this? This (x) blunt (x).

So after this, everything is garnish for how loud or, frankly, performative it has to be for people to be content with it. I have no specific goalposts in regards to that, and am personally more fascinated with which angle the general perennial mytharc is lending us towards, although that in itself can have a lot of powerful mystic meaning to Dean and Cas depending on how they choose to execute it. (x)

And I know I know people want TPTB confirmation but like anyone remember this shit 

Which is what I talked about with him getting eviscerated from all angles – antis and people yelling queerbait because it didn’t meet their performative quota – until he deleted it? Everybody tried it with Gomens too until they realized there were no idiot tinhat walls to bounce off of and it died in record time.

So yeah no shit they stopped talking about it. If the authors are gonna get gored about it any time they open their mouth, including by the people they’re trying to support, I’d fucking stop too.

So for me, I have no specific goalpost with Destiel and instead will be happy with whatever comes, though am fascinated with as much PR as is lifting up Dean and Cas as essentially an A plot in early season, elevating the drama to front view. I’m sure part of it is probably just having big early plot twists they can’t talk about – such as Jack coming back early – but ultimately the fact that their interpersonal drama is such a focus is exciting because of the inevitable resolution which I expect to be before midseason, I’m estimating around 15.06 but it could be a few episodes sooner or later. It’ll end before dealing with midseason drama as a united front and/or facing off with the ramifications of Castiel’s Empty deal.

In the end, I’m just hoping to see a non-fatalistic ending; or, in the case of a fatalistic ending where Castiel has his metaphorical burning on the ceiling with the empty, closing the trunk with a We Got Work To Do the same way the season starts with, and I almost feel like that reminder isn’t without its potential reasons, which lends into the evergreen ending of getting back the missing spouse and *jazz hands* found family never leaves anybody behind. Especially not your lovers. Which is what launched this entire shitshow. And so on let us fanfic into eternity through innumerable universes to recover him, whatever the cost, no matter how hard it gets.

I’d prefer *not* to have a fatalistic ending like that and have them go off together; I also hope for some Saileen/Destiel parallels continuing since we know Shoshanna is coming back, and they’ve already been paralleled before, without either of them needing to be explicit, which would only serve to underline what I mean about performative culture and demands versus the way the show modernly handles these things even in het pairings, and unto itself would be a fascinating statement.

Oh and getting Cas’ name on the table. It’s more found family than Destiel but to the shock and awe of fandom spouses are part of the family and any spouse that doesn’t loudly include you in part of that outside of how you fondle each other–run away from them. Run very far away.

Hopefully that answers?

[daisymakesstuff]

NSFW Alphabet- Ximena x MC

Happy Ximena day!! 

We don’t have any info on past romantic relationships for Ximena so I’m just assuming she’s some sort of wlw for this prompt because she was the LI we all deserved and never got. I put these under a read more because most of them are smutty, as the title suggests.

MC goes by the Choices default name of Ellie Wheeler

There are two NSFW Alphabets so I cherry picked from this one and this one and combined a few prompts into one response. 

Tagged: @desiree-0816 @client-327 

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Ellie still has her head thrown back, eyes closed and basking in the afterglow when Ximena kisses her way back up Ellie’s body. They’re light, affectionate kisses, far more chaste than the trip down. Ximena coaxes Ellie with gentle pressure to shift over so Ximena can tangle them up together under the sheets.

“I love you,” she murmurs.

  B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Ximena’s arms are an expertly crafted work of art, from the sweat she has put into building their strength to the hours spent designing the ink on her arms. Her favorite place to put them is on Ellie’s hips. Together they dance to oldies in the garage, and Ximena’s new favorite sound is the way Ellie giggles with joy when Ximena dips her at the end of Fly Me to the Moon.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

She’s got Ellie up on the hood of a brand new BMW X5 M50i, legs spread and skirt pushed up haphazardly. The voices of the crew carry from the kitchen, laughing and jovial and distracted. Ximena’s fingers on her hips keep Ellie in place when she comes with a cry. Ximena’s mouth glistens when she pulls away, grinning up at Ellie through her lashes as she carefully licks her lips.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

“Oh! I’ve been looking for this!” MC pulls a pastel blouse out from the back of Ximena’s closet. “How did it end up here?”

“Oh,” Ximena tries to dismiss it “it must have been there for a while.” Too bad she’s not one to dismiss anything.

“Ximennaa?” Ellie prods, in her sweetest most innocent voice that is not at all teasing in any way. Turns out neither of them are good actors.

“Well…it was back when we’d just gotten forever and you left your shirt here and I—” Ximena pointedly looks away, and Ellie can see the blush creeping up on her cheeks.

E= Edgeplay (Similar to ‘Kinks’ except it’s a lot riskier than usual kinks (knifeplay, breathplay, etc.).

Ximena is used to people taking her at face value. They think she tops. They think she’s kinky—because she’s tall or has tattoos—but the Mercy Park Crew know she’s a woman who rejects handshakes for hugs, and Ellie Wheeler knows that the closest she gets to any sort of  edgeplay is edging.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

When Ellie straddles Ximena’s thigh it feels a lot like a cupcake is trying to dom her,  Ximena strategically leaves this part out of their conversations, but watching Ellie take what she wants is the hottest thing she’s ever seen.

G=Got Caught – (How they react when they get caught having sex.)

It is one of those days where they only make it to the bedroom because they are both too polite to make out in front of their friends. Ximena kicks off her pants, and has to sling her arm around Ellie to keep her from faceplanting when she tries to do the same.  It’s only a few seconds until they’re kissing again, hands between each other’s thighs, trying to find a rhythm the both find gratifying. Then, the door opens. Ximena pulls away at the sound, but there’s no way for them to cover up. A distinctly Colt-like silhouette is in the doorway.

“Ximena—” He closes the door and tries to back away, but it’s too late.  

“WERE YOU RAISED IN A BARN!?” Ximena shouts. Colt can feel her expression through the door. He doesn’t need to see it. “You knock on doors, Colt! You knock!”

  H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.) & X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Ximena is no porn-star. She’s never felt dying her hair would be worth the maintenance. She keeps herself trimmed, but not bare.  Her inner lips are dark at the edges and peak out like ruffles between her thighs. Ellie thinks she’s perfect.   

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) & P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Exposing herself physically means dealing with the emotions that come with that. For her, there is no way to separate sex from intimacy. The first time Ximena and Ellie have sex, it’s with more than just lust between them. They felt the need to be together in a way they hadn’t been before, to get even closer in their relationship. It’s no longer their first time anymore, but Ximena touches Ellie with love and affection just the same.

Usually, she works Ellie up nice and slow. Ximena likes to take her time and savor how beautiful is. Equally, she enjoys leaning into Ellie’s affectionate and enthusiastic touch. Something so pure is rare in a life like hers. They have their days though, where everything between them is rough and frantic with need. Ximena is sure Ellie knows just how much she loves her in those moments, too.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Masturbation is a stress reliever for Ximena. She fingers herself after particularly intense days, working her thumb in circles over her clit until she pushes herself over the edge. The ecstasy eases her adrenaline crash.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks) & S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…) & V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

“C-close,” Ximena pants,  pulling lightly on Ellie’s hair. Ellie slows, but doesn’t stop, shifting the movements of her tongue often enough so Ximena can’t get the build up she really needs. Another draw of Ellie’s tongue has her letting out a moan. Thankfully, both of them are quiet enough that the neighbors haven’t yet felt the need to complain.   “Ellie… Ellie please.” Wait…“Are you— is that the alphabet?”

Ellie peers up from between Ximena’s thighs. “Yes?” she answers innocently. Ximena snorts with laughter, and Ellie’s eyes darken with desire once again. “Are you ready for a third round?”

Ximena’s fingers curl in Ellie’s hair. “Please.”

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do) & U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Ximena prefers not to be interrupted, and to have enough space for both of them to be comfortable and able to move around. Usually, that means the bedroom, but they’ve gotten creative on several occasions.

Since the Colt Incident, Ximena’s new favorite way to tease Ellie is to get her worked up, and then make her wait while Ximena locks the door wherever they are. Really though, it’s Ximena who likes to be teased.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

When Ximena gets up in the morning, she finds the bed empty. She pads out to the kitchenette in their motel. Ellie is up on her tippy toes reaching for the box of cereal on the upper shelf of the cabinet. Her t-shirt lifts, revealing just a sliver of the smooth skin on Ellie’s hip, and then Ximena spots the two bowls on the counter for them. Ellie doesn’t make it to her cereal for another hour. Other nights, when Ellie gets particularly wiggly in her sleep, she ends up with her clothes askew, the bottom sheet tangled around her, and at least one breast nearly out of its shirt. Ximena always makes sure to wake her up with kisses on those days, and unwrap her from the sheets like a present.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)  & R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

If Ximena didn’t like to take risks she wouldn’t have joined the Mercy Park Crew. That said, she gets most of her thrills in car heists and illegal street races. She can be an enforcer when she needs to. At 6’4” she towers over even most men. She can, and has, beaten men nearly to death with her bare hands. But that’s not who she wants to be, and it’s not who she wants to be with Ellie either.

 Anything that might really hurt either of them— or is too messy— is off the table, but that won’t stop her from getting creative with new sensations and angles.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Before their relationship began, Ximena didn’t have much experience, though still more than Ellie. It was their encouragement and eagerness for each other that got them through the early days, and now they’re both proficient in what the other likes.

Ellie asks one time, if Ximena preferred giving or receiving oral. Ximena loves them both for different reasons. It’s easy for her to compare which sensations she prefers on her own body, but how it she supposed to compare the kind of pleasure she gets from making Ellie gasp and grind her hips into her mouth, to the pleasure she gets when Ellie uses her tongue to show Ximena just how much she loves her?

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Ximena rubs her nose up against Ellie’s in an Eskimo kiss. Colt dutifully pretends he doesn’t see anything, for now. Ellie takes the opportunity to nibble teasingly on Ximena’s ear.

“Do you think…maybe we forgot something back in our room?” Ellie whispers, breath hot on Ximena’s ear. The words go straight to her groin, but Ximena shakes her head softly. She has never been one for quickies, not often. If there’s not enough time for actual sex, it almost always means they have somewhere important they need to be.

“No, I think we have everything.” Ximena’s voice deepens, “but, I’ll make sure to do a thorough inventory when we get back.” T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Thieves moves from crew to crew on a regular basis. Her whole life fits in a duffle bag, and sex toys haven’t earned their spot in it yet.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

After a long, lazy morning makeout, Ximena finally goes to get out of bed. Ellie is not having it. She wraps her arms around Ximena’s neck, and her legs around Ximena’s waist, assuming her body weight will keep Ximena in place. Instead, Ximena just braces her with one arm and lifts them both of the bed together. Ellie squeaks with surprise and delight, pulling Ximena in for a deep kiss. It’s not long before Ellie is grinding her hips forward, desperate for friction. Ximena can feel how wet Ellie is against her ribs. Ellie loves that Ximena is so strong.  Good thing Ximena likes showing off for her.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Once their sexual relationship starts, Ximena likes to turn Ellie into a puddle at least twice a week. Before that, when she was single, once a week was usually enough to satisfy herself. There were plenty of beautiful cars to keep her mind and her hands occupied

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Ximena is full of energy, even more so than Ellie. She’s both a morning and a night-sex person, depending on what they get up to. A good orgasm is one of her favorite ways to start the day, but a couple of rounds before bed helps her drift off a lot easier. 

#rodaw #playchoices #choices rod #ride or die #rod ximena #my fanfic #lemon #ximena x mc

[berlynn-wohl]

Spoiler-free behind-the-scenes babbling about “The Shadowside” for those who are interested

Under a cut to save everyone’s dash. Feel free to interact/reblog. Link to fic here [x].

This story really started 21 years ago, when I was 17 and found myself suddenly having romantic feelings for a teacher I had already known and been fond of for two years. During those two years, he had really changed the way I felt about school (and about life tbh), because although he was sardonic, and sometimes downright rude, he was also deeply committed to teaching social sciences, and to helping any student who was interested in going above and beyond in his classes…and that student was me.

I had been looking for someone to actually challenge me in school, where before I’d been content to breeze through classes, get an A or B, and then go home to read Kurt Vonnegut novels. No other teacher before seemed to have the energy or the desire to understand me and how to motivate me to do more than what I considered the bare minimum.

And it actually helped that he had an acerbic personality. You know how it is when someone's just a little mean, but they like you. It’s a big ego boost; you're like “Oh-ho-ho, nothing makes this bitch happy except me, NICE.”

(Very important to note that although this teacher was extremely aware of the way I felt about him, he was the soul of propriety, and not only never took advantage, he never even mentioned it to scold me for being weird and doing a poor job of hiding my feelings. His silence saved me so much humiliation and for that I must thank him.)

Ultimately I think that the only reason I suddenly became attracted to him was because when you're a teenager, your hormones are out of control and you just sort of sexualize everything. Like, what I really wanted was just a regular-degular mentor, but when you're 17, you just assume that every obsession with another person is a sex thing and go with it.

Anyway, so I like relatable content as much as the next person, so during that time, I tried to find novels or movies about teacher-student relationships, and was disappointed to find that they all tended to be crude and exploitative. I wanted something where there was a mutual respect between the parties, an understanding that what was happening was spiritual as much as it was romantic. I ended up finding this dynamic done well in perhaps an unexpected place: a film that came out right about the time I graduated high school: The Phantom Menace. Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan was a MASSIVE pairing in its heyday. It had an archive, Master and Apprentice, that was so thoroughly indexed, it was basically a proto-AO3. I read dozens, if not hundreds, of Q/O fics, and reveled in the way the authors captured just the student/teacher relationship-built-on-mutual-respect that I was looking for.

As the years went by, I never found another pairing that felt the same way to me, and missed it terribly. I did find fics for other pairings that featured teacher-student role-play, but I deemed them unsatisfactory, as they were all about the student being “naughty” and the teacher having to administer sexy corporal punishment. YKINMK and that's okay.

I never really let go of my feelings for that teacher. It's been 20 years since I graduated high school, and I still think about him every day. It would anger me years later when I saw something like Glee, where the main character has a crush on a teacher for five minutes because he’s cute but she gets over it after he sings a medley of songs telling her to go away. I mean, it's Glee, it's not supposed to be realistic, but could I have had just one thing? One relatable piece of media?

And you know how it is, when you're a fanfic writer, and you don't see what you want in media...you have to write it yourself. I had long played around with the idea of writing a fanfic wherein I gave a character that I was already writing, already familiar with, a past that included an infatuation with a mentor, like I'd had, and wherein they express their own unfinished business and their dissatisfaction with how flippantly or gruesomely these relationships play out in pop culture. But I could never get past a vague idea about how to actually execute it. My feelings were a Gordian knot I couldn’t bring myself to try cutting for an audience. I wrote about my feelings for this teacher in some original fiction I wrote, but not in a comprehensive way that really allowed me to metabolize the whole situation for me.

…Then I got into Metal Gear fandom.

It took me a while to dig into MGS enough to figure out about the existence of Solimiller, but when I did I was excited, at first. A whole ship dynamic just for me! I read every fic for that pairing on AO3...and what I found was, the writers seemed to have all embraced a justifiable but to me unappealing way of extrapolating what Miller and Snake's relationship must have been like, based mostly on Miller's bitterness towards Big Boss.

My dissatisfaction has nothing to do with the quality of those fics, only with my continuing frustration about not finding exactly what I wanted to read out there. I started coming up with my own headcanons, even when I was writing Otasune, about Snake and Miller’s relationship when he was training at FOXHOUND, and how that influenced how he felt about being close to people and whatnot. After a while it occurred to me: I could write this. It wasn't the fandom where I expected to be able to put my feelings on paper, but it's the one I ended up with.

The interesting thing is, because I waited so long to write this story, I can now write it from both points of view, to some extent. I myself have not been the object of affection as someone's mentor (or been a war criminal), but age has given me some general perspective on life and love and so on. The story is Snake's POV through and through, but sometimes when Miller talks, he is speaking with my voice.

I definitely remember what it was like to be 17 and think no one could possibly feel feelings more intensely then you were at that moment, and how could you argue with such feelings, how could you say they were not real and true and worthy of reciprocation, if they were so intense? But I am now seeing people who are fifteen, twenty, twenty-five years younger than myself express their thoughts on things, and I'm saying to myself (I would not dare say it to their faces), “You think you know everything, and you do know a lot, but there is some stuff you don't know, and it's not your fault. There are things you just can't know, unless you just live life for thirty years or more. You think you're old and wise and fed up with the world, but trust me, you are not.”

That's Miller in this story. He doesn't hate Snake for who he is (that is, for being young and impetuous, or for being Big Boss' clone), because he understands, he remembers what it's like to be young, he remembers what it's like to get attached to one man, to desire nothing but that man's approval, to put your whole life in that man's hands and then suffer crushing disappointment when he fails to deliver you from the misery you feel. He has his own weaknesses, he admits them when they go to bed together, but he wants to do right by Snake. Snake has my erstwhile obsessive desire, and Miller has my sympathy for that passion, the memory of it, the mourning of its passing.

One other thing that held me back from ever writing this story and sharing it with an audience was my belief that no one else would care to read it or find it relatable. After all, if any other desire for this dynamic besides precociously-sexual-student/predatory-exploitative-teacher existed, surely tons of people would have written about it? Surely the rarity of a respectful portrayal meant that no one was interested. But having already dropped into a fandom whose most active days are behind it, I guess I figured I had nothing else to lose. Might as well spend two months writing a 42,000-word fic that six people were going to read.

But what that proved to me is that deep down, I truly am writing for myself, and that's a good thing. I have a few older fics that have upwards of 80,000 hits – even as a niche writer in the Sherlock fandom, I really cleaned up. Since then, I have had to contend emotionally with dwindling stats, as my ships get rarer. And yet, I never stopped writing. I kept putting words down because I needed to do it for myself, even if fewer and fewer people cared as the years went by.

I mean hell, I thought about, but put off, writing this very essay for the same reason – who wants to read me go off on a tangent about how I never got over a crush on a teacher? But when two people sent me messages last week saying they found chapter nine of The Shadowside to be emotionally resonant, I was like, “Maybe I'm not the only person. Maybe there is more to this than what's in my head.”

Anyway, so that’s where this fic came from. If you’re reading it at all, thank you! If you’re enjoying it, awesome! And if you care to let me know that you’ve found it in any way relatable or resonant, I owe you my life.

#solimiller #metal gear solid #metal gear #mgs #fan fiction #slash