#i am incapable of being human

[starsonmarsy]

.

#I KNOW AND THAFS WHAT MAKES IT WORSE YOI DONT GET IT YOU DONT GET IT YOU DONT GET IT #IT DOESNT MATTER IF ITS MY FAULT OR NOT IM STILL ALWAYS GOING TO FUCKING IMPLODE BECAUSE IM FUCKING STUPID #ITS WHAT I DO #its what i always do #and it will akways lead to tbe same resukt in thr end #always #i never changed #i never got better #tjis is just me all the time hidden underneath everything else #i am the reason i suffer #i cause all of my problems #and then i bring that onto others #then they deel responsible when in reality im just permanently unstable #do you all see it now? is ot clear yet that its not worth thr effort? the stress? tje paim? #i am more trouble than it's worth. always have been and always will be #i was onto something leaving without a cause before anything even happened #the nap didnt make me rational it just made me worse #im a living rottinf corpse with no life. and now no job #i am incapable of being human #vent

[lr31o]

do you have something against doooooooooooooooooooooooioooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogs

#i am almost completely soulless #i am incapable of being human #i am incapable of being inhuman #thom rants

[odeu-m]

wip. i think he deserves a little kubrick stare. as a treat.

#i love him being pretty. but i do miss the older more mafia + deranged angel concept he seemed so fun #angel dust #human angel dust #hazbin hotel #wip #im so sorry i am incapable of finishing wips. i want to finish the rosie and alastor one next but i seem to have forgotten how to render. #the way i genuinely had to modify a head i made in zbrush the other day to get the angle and shape right for this ghnfjdskm #also i've been reading a shitton of human/alive angel stuff on ao3 in the last week LOL #i need more but everytime i check the tag ive read them all ghfndjsmkd

[riense]

He helps me greatly 😌

#and i am just a pathetic human being incapable to comprehend how great his help is #smol pol #rie talks

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF SHENKO 1/?

The end of the world has a way of reminding you of all the things you forgot to say do. Mass Effect: Legendary Edition (2021)

#mira makes gifs ✨ #kaidan alenko #sophie shepard #EDI #shenko #fshenko #mass effect #mass effect legendary edition #dailygaming #OTP: you're real enough for me #i learned i am physically incapable of creating less than like 20 gifs at a time #but shenko stonks are up right now!! #gif’ing my favorite bisexuals gives me joy 🥹 #even though ME2 is dry as shit for shenko content like it’s literally the sahara desert #like a whole ass 10 minutes max of cutscenes between shep and kaidan like come on #like 2 minutes in the prologue and like 8 minutes of cutscenes on horizon #and then an email and looking at the picture in your cabin before the suicide mission #i'm so sorry y'all ME2 shenko canon is absolute shit (besides kaidan being rightfully angry on horizon) which is why we ✨ignore it✨ 🥰 #but i rant about ME2 VS treatment too much so i will not write another essay about it in the tags #i will say the EDI line isn't the exact quote from the game but i think about it a lot tbf #same with the quote i borrowed from anderson too lmao (which is also a tiny bit paraphrased) #i just love EDI asking shep for relationship advice when you get to follow shep and kaidan's relationship/struggles across 3 games #and anderson's quote about all the things you forgot to do in relation kahlee to is just *chef's kiss* when you think about shenko #like whether it starts in ME1 or ME3 shenko has some really fantastic moments across the series #two characters with strong morals who realize that they're falling in love and literally start to become each other's strength?? #their soft place to land?? their support when they need it?? shenko will always have my heart #also the shenko quotes you get are the most fire thing in the world #you're real enough for me?? you make me feel human?? i want to be your strength- your soft place to land?? shenko you will always be famous #I FORGOT IM GONNA FIGHT LIKE HELL FOR THE CHANCE TO HOLD YOU AGAIN TOO LIKE?? #but i’ll stop ranting now bc i do that wayyy to much in my tags lol. have a good day wherever you are! <3

[bottombaron]

btw i love that in Nandermo aus, where Nandor is a normal, good, human boyfriend - he's basically just Kayvan 🧡

#wwdits #nandermo #kayvan novak #nandor #i ordered one big goofy puppy dog man and i am not disappointed #but there's something amusing abt how nandor translated as an average human #is incapable of inhabiting nandor's other traits because they only work in the heightened comedy world of wwdits #otherwise it /really/ is horror #it rly gets you thinking abt how complex nandor is and the breadth of range you can experience him #he goes from love sick puppy to cruel prideful selfish prince to the aggressive bloodlust of a true monster #i love his fucked up lil brain #anyways #im being distracted from expressing my love for human au nandor who is basically kayvan as brandon fraizer from george of the jungle! #ie the perfect himbo #omg kayvan would have made a fucking amazing george of the jungle i cant unthink this

[julesnichols]

Anybody who wants to claim that autism isn't a disability owes me $5

#autism #actually autistic #this is also targeted at fellow autistics who go haha autism is a superpower not a disability 🤪 new stage of human evolution 🤪 it helps me #etc etc #bc i am glad your autism helps you but for me it means the coworker in charge of me regularly wants to hunt me for sport bc i cannot mask #i have tried i have always been and will always be incapable of masking and not being weird #ugh

[willem-dafemme]

PRETTY SOON YOU'LL FIND SOME NICE YOUNG STATANIST WITH BRACES AND ONE CAPITAL O FOR SIGNIFICANT OTHER AND YOU CAN TAKE HIM HOME TO YOUR MOTHER AND SAY MA THIS IS MY BROTHER-

#csh #i am incapable of being incapable of being a human #im losing my mind #ox is online

[narwhalandchill]

btw if u equate childe and aventurines backstory in any fucking way please leave this blog and unfollow me <3 preferably block me while ur at it too uwu

#havent you people done enough to systematically destroy his characterization already? genuinely curious #turning him into generic YA sadboy with no narrative purpose according to yall than to be traumatize meow meow smolbean #who has no greater purpose no greater relevance whos just a victim with 868 made up mental illnessess #and actually the fact that he canonically displays no typical signs of mental illness or distress proves he has giga trauma #because we all know the writers intention is always the thing they give 0 time on screen 0 hints at in lore 0 presence in canon #because you people are so fucking boring and incapable of basic reading comprehension that 'fantasy isnt 1 to 1 with irl psychiatry' #and 'stories can ignore real life logic of human psychology in favor of a desired narrative' #are like completely fucking incomprehensible concepts #god i am so fucking mad #like now the fact that another character hoyo wrote from a different fucking game #has some surface level adjacent qualities to ajax. and turns out to have a sad backstory #THATS fucking proof to yall? imagine reaching this hard . #none of you people have ever genuinely liked childe as the character he is canonically established to be #leave him the fuck alone #i am so fucking exhausted #but NOOOOOO listen childe is female coded with prey instinct and actually showing 0 signs of trauma is proof you have SUPER trauma #and him being mentally well off and clearly at peace with who he is in all its contradictions is just him brainwashing himself to believe i #AND IVE SEEN WORSE. IVE SEEN WORSE #god i am so fucking mad and exhausted and depressed like NONE of the people in this fucking fandom actually care abt him #as the banger fucking character he is #because he just has to be the most boring fucking YA archetype bc you ppl cant comprehend nor handle anything interesting . #anyway woops. #delete later

[jimkirkachu]

day 12,256 of the world missing out on a far better existence if only I had never existed

#not trek #personal log #depression #i feel incapable of ever being of any good to anyone whatsoever #being ugly #unlovable #unwanted #ashamed #exhausted #never belonging #never fitting in #forever alone #i am an awful person #i am an awful trekkie #i really shouldn't even be allowed to call myself a trekkie anymore #or a human being for that matter #no self esteem #no self worth #no spoons #no reason to live #suicide ideation #self harm #heartsick #soul sick #jtkchu's brain #stfu jtkchu #if you have ever interacted with me in any capacity i am so sorry and i hope you can recover from it someday 💔 #i'm just really really sorry

[104degrees]

succession writers creating roman roy like what if a car seat headrest song was a person

#she said whats with this dog motif and i said do you have something against dogs…. #i am incapable of being human i am incapable of being inhuman. #the other night i cried while thinking of having sex with you not out of desire or shame but some subconscious influence to feel pain….. #roman roy #succession #car seat headrest #anna.txt #roman roy i’m so sorry you weren’t born in 2004 to a middle class family and can’t experience the epic highs and lows of being #a teenage csh fan on the internet today

[thedreadvampy]

idk I had a very interesting therap today but I just

like it's all very well to recognise that I gotta have a fucking open-ended breakdown and jump face first into the Sadness Bog sometimes instead of sitting on all my feelings

but like

I still have to go to work, you know? it's like. ok yeah have a breakdown which like until you jump into it you don't know if it's going to last an hour or a year. yeah go ahead that's all grand. you do have to get up in the morning and go to work though. you're not allowed to not do that. or to not pay the rent or not shower or not eat.

like all my friends and loved ones are constantly like 'you know you're allowed to be sad right' and it's like. AM I??? because I STILL HAVE TO PAY RENT.

#red said #the thing my therapist keeps pointing out is like. i got on this adulthood thing WAY too early #metaphorically i have Had To Go To Work In The Morning since i was like. 4. bc i am congenitally incapable of #Not Thinking About Consequences. and it's so important to be Good and Tough and Have It Together #but like. maybe if id done more crying and melting down when i DIDN'T Have To Go To Work In The Morning bc i was a Literal Infant #i might be a more balanced adult now that i actually DO. Have To Go To Work In The Morning. #what do people like. do. when they have to have feelings but also meet adult responsibilities? impossible. gotta choose. #i think it doesn't help that i already really struggle to work a full time job. like I'm already late basically every day bc i a night guy #so it's like. there's no give in this. maybe if i was back into a 3-4 day week? but idk if i can afford that #but also the work is only partly work. it's also like. having human relationships. eating. washing. being a person. #but idk. like. until i have some genuinely open-ended time i think I'm gonna always find it impossible to actually let go #i said in therapy it's like. like sadness specifically is like a thick muddy bog. and i can dip a foot in it #but bc i know i need to be able to keep moving #i can only stick a foot in and deal with a bit of it if I'm holding onto something. so in practise i can only cry #right before it becomes inappropriate to cry. so like. end of a therapy session. heading to a train station after seeing someone. #that kind of thing. it's a safety thing. #it would be much more effectively Dealing With to go dive into the bog and plough through it #but I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG THAT'LL TAKE and i have to like. come out all muddy and deal with that #and there's always somewhere i gotta be soon. i can't just jump into the mud. not cause I'll get hurt i just Don't Have Time #anyway. feelings. how do they work. embarrassed about having them. embarrassed about suppressing them. generally just embarrassed.

[featureenvyproductions]

Going to forever keep advertising my shit with tropes because do I have to? No. Am I too "stupid" to do it another way? No, not really. And as you've all seen, I also am perfectly capable of writing real blurbs and do write real blurbs. But I think it's fun to make the pic with the tropes anyway and have that around too. And also it keeps the pretentious people away. The sort who don't understand reading is not always for taking a "discomfort" vitamin because they A) are privileged enough to not have discomfort every day of their life to need to escape from or B) are fresh out of college and haven't discovered the joys of/have been shamed OUT of reading as a fun low pressure thing they can do to escape when they're fucking tired (and they think this sort of thing is new with fanfic and not more or less how "trash" lit like romance novels are marketed), as opposed to reading as some sort of Moral Duty To Be Deep that was instilled in them by a middle aged straight white English professor who thinks one can fulfill this by writing 10 pages about books where people scream at each other, have affairs with young women, or Make Up A Guy to warn people about things that Could Happen (that *cough* already happen to marginalized people *cough*) Anyway it's my version of a scarecrow. Firing shots to keep the rent low. Come take a seat next to me in the dumpster my fellow raccoons.

#Doing this for music of my heart for one day when I cram it all into a delicious tropey collection #God the only thing I hate about this post though is how the length of that sentence reminds me of Charles Dickens I fuckin hate that guy #I love being a shallow gremlin it's part of my brand #I jest but tbh I just am so over that stuff #It's another version of trashing romance novels or pop music or whatever to feel deep #Like if you were really deep #You would conceive of the breadth of humanity - only a fraction of which is inherently graspable by you on a deeper level #You would conceive of the fact that the experiences of the collective of humanity amount to 8 billion inner universes #You would conceive of how the ultimate 'depth' is accepting that you will only ever dip your finger into the surface of the lake #Of human experience #And that nothing hints at the existence of this lake more than someone being able to take joy in or find value #In something which you are fundamentally incapable of inherently ascribing value to - a truth that there's absolutely no fault in #aside from the fault of believing a value is universal because you possess it #This is also sort of like that thing where I talk like a caffienated teenager in a 2003 deviant art forum #But I can whip out the 'correct' grammar and spelling as needed to shut someone up who's being needlessly pretentious #I know this will get no notes and you'll think me a fool shooting myself in the foot but I really don't care #1) I have a day job so I can afford all the attitude I want #And 2) I feel like the people who like my stuff get it....and that's fine with me #if my friends and regulars like things that's good enough for me #Also sorry while we're at it we should probably talk about how thinking fanfic is inherently stupid #Or not a valuable form of reading material #Is deeply linked with homophobia and misogyny #There are a LOT of problems with fanfic but they mostly have to do with people focusing on derivative work at the expense of #Indie creators getting attention for original work that doesn't benefit from a corporations' billions of dollars of marketing

[lesbiansanemi]

I spoke too soon I should have known that was too easy for him I’m so tired I was like hey! I might have found someone interested in subleasing, if they end up not wanting to ill start making posts places but either way, ill need a move in date to advertise and tell people. Do you have any estimates of when you might find a place yet?

And my fucking roommate replies with a bunch of links to apartments like well you could move HERE like fuck you fuck you fuck you jackass this wasn’t what we agreed on and also 90% of the places he sent me were places I already contacted and had no availability/a waitlist/couldn’t sign until august and the other 10% were WAY out of my price range also none of this solves that I don’t want to sign a new fucking lease cuz I want out of this fucking fuck ass city between you and your bf you make almost TRIPLE what I do you will have such an easier time finding a new place and moving plus you wanna stay in this stupid fucking fuck ass city just fucking GET OUT

#i am genuinely starting to hate this dipshit #I get moving sucks! #but also this is all YOUR fault so YOU should get the shittier end of the deal sorry not sorry #also me living on my own means I will go from about 600 dollars of extra income s month #to about 200 to fucking ZERO depending on what the rent is #how about you kill yourself #‘I’m not trying to make this harder for you’ #you are actively fucking me over in sooooo many fucking ways dude because you are incapable of considering other human beings #he also has less bills than me????? #like motherfucker doesn’t even have a car payment cuz his mom GAVE him a car be fucking for real #he’s spent his whole life pretty much kinda jusy doing whatever he wants and getting whatever he wants #and it’s reallyyyyyyy starting to fucking show with this situation #GOD #I told him that doesn’t work for me and explained why to him AGAIN #and he has no answered so lol we’ll see #he was also like ‘but you’ll still have to live with someone you don’t know and you didn’t want that 🥺🥺’ #like oh my god #yeah in an ideal world! no! I wouldn’t be doing that #but the issue wasn’t literally living with some guy I don’t know #it was being walked all over and treated like shit and not considered #nor was I asked about it lol like now I’m seeking a new roommate I was never doing that when you moved him in so I wasn’t prepared for it #fuck you for all of a sudden acting like you care about what’s ‘best for me’ #and that it’s living alone when it quite literally fucking isn’t for so many reasons #you just don’t wanna fucking move and are scrambling now that I’m actually enforcing this #kysssssssssssss #kaz rambles

[fooltofancy]

told myself i was gonna stop complaining abt money on tumblr.com so just gonna delete that and idk

#acknowledge that i am tired and lonely and kind of just want to give up #so that i can move on #etc etc amen. #this IS my personal blog but it's kind of stopped being a place that i feel very comfortable like. venting. anymore #because i have actual relationships with a lot of the people here now and like #what i used it for before was mostly processing a lot of mental illness stuff and while frankly that did and does kind of help a lot #with my own processing etc #this isn't the place for that anymore #idk where to do it now though lmao cause half of the effectiveness was like. making it real. #and journaling is just spinning things in my head into a place where it's still just #me #the anonymity in a space where there were still like #humans on the other end? helped with that for whatever reason #but the anonymity is mostly gone and a lot of that feels like really unfair to drop on folk out of the blue #won't stop talking to myself obviously cause im incapable of shutting up for two seconds #but yaknow.

[stereax]

woohoo spiraling out of control right now (what else is new really I've been fucked up and spiraling for weeks now) and trying to figure out reasons not to delete my tumblr and discord and myself along the way

but you know. talking about myself on my blog automatically means I'm attention seeking and fishing for pity right? should just shut up and stick to the news eh, it's all I'm good for :D

anyway if you need me I'll be in the corner reliving the past, coming to terms with reality, and trying to convince myself I'm not the problem despite every indication to the contrary ✌︎︎

#sterechats :) #09:58 pm - this is a bad idea but scheduling it anyway #what's the worst that can happen really? everyone leaves again? nobody talks to me again? #probably gonna delete this in the morning so. meh. not like it matters not like I matter :D #10:29 pm - wow it feels like my head is on fire #like my brain is actually burning and I can't do a damn thing about it #I should be happy right now! the devils are winning! my favorite guys are scoring! #but no! I'm barely keeping it together around my family and praying I don't wake up tomorrow <3 #11:00 pm - I need to get out of here #I need to get out of here out of here out of here I can't stay here any more this is killing me #everyone hates me and I need to chew my arms open maybe then everything will make sense #why am I even writing these tags what does it matter #I was so much more in control of myself when I was sh-ing #maybe I should get back to that maybe it'll help I don't know anymore #I just want my friends back but they hate me hahahaha #11:24 pm - wonder how many people are gonna block me after this one #how many people will finally be fed up and leave for good #everyone leaves and I should be used to this by now #here's a truck stop instead of saint peter's (yeah yeah yeah yeah) #11:41 pm - it's friday afternoon/there goes antigone to be buried alive #in the next world I want to be something useful/like a staple gun/or in love #I would fall off a cliff for you/a thousand times and call it a good day #maybe I'm just incapable of being human! maybe that's it! #maybe I'm not even human at all... but something worse instead... #1:22 am - moving the posting of this back from 3 to 6 am #not that that matters and not that I matter but I don't think I'll sleep #and I don't want this to post when I'm awake #I know I'm just going to get unfollowed and blocked and left behind as always #because happiness and good things and friendships just aren't things I get to have really #I just wish people would stop lying and telling me they're different and they'll stay when they're not different and won't stay