lesbiansanemi

[lesbiansanemi]

And idk! In regards to that last post specifically the tags. I don’t really care what disorders I may or may not have. I’ve found that trying to psychoanalyse myself does not help. I don’t need a name for why I struggle so badly. Maybe I do have a cluster b disorder, maybe it is just the hellish cocktail of ptsd adhd autism and depression. I don’t know, I might never know, and I don’t really care. I just want some way to help with the problem, doesn’t really matter what the name of the problem is to me!

#cuz it’s like yeah! I DO have a lot of aspd symptoms #but ig I do also have quite a few bpd symptoms even if I’ve found I don’t necessarily relate to the ppl in my life with bpd in a lot of ways #whos to say and who’s know I just know I need to do something other than ignore that I struggle #ignore that I have severe psychological issues that most ppl apparently don’t struggle with #ignore that I have mild psychosis symptoms and a complete lack of empathy and inability to connect with my emotions #I should do something about it #both for myself and the people in my life that I’m sure struggle in ways to connect with me/deal with me #idk idk idk I’m just thinking a lot now #kaz rambles

[lesbiansanemi]

I can’t ever leave tumblr because I just love the tag function.. no other social media platform allows you to heckle yourself on your own post. you get to preemptively make metatextual commentary abt your OWN POST. how cool is that

[lesbiansanemi]

brothers' reunion commission :-)

#fullmetal alchemist #edward elric #alphonse elric

[lesbiansanemi]

I have started to accept I am a bit more (re a lot more) psychologically unstable than I thought for a long time and man…. I’m tired of it

#I was in a relatively good mood today #work hasn’t been too bad and I get two days off starting tomorrow #(it’s rare for me to get consecutive days so I’m excited!) #plus my time off request for a weekend in may got approved and I’m super excited for the plans that are happening on that weekend #and then my roommate messaged me bitching about my cat and now I’m spiraling #hate everything hate myself anxiety levels skyrocketed feeling the intense need to upend/annihilate my entire life and start from scratch #questioning anyone who has ever said they care about me etc etc etc and it’s like wow! because of one vague text message! #this is not a normal response haha! and now that I’m aware of that #I’ve become a lot more intensely aware that these insane mood drops actually happen quite frequently for me #issue is to do anything about this I need to see a psychologist (which I’m trying to work on anyways) #but the only diagnosis I have is for adhd and idk how to go into psychiatric care like #PLEASE PUT ME ON MEDS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PUT ME ON DRUGS AND I DONT MEAN LIKE 10 MILIGRAMS OF PROZAC TYPE SHIT #GIVE ME MOOD STABILIZERS OR AN ANTIPSYCHOTIC OR SOMETHING I AM BEGGINGGGGG I CANT FUNCTION LIKE THIS ANYMORE #I’m also mildly concerned (being afab) that if I go in pursing certain diagnoses I’ll get slapped with a bpd diagnosis #(and obviously I don’t mean that in the sense of bpd bad or I could NEVER have bpd or anything like that) #(I just mean I really don’t think I have bpd and I don’t want to be approached from the angle of needing treatment for that cuz I don’t #think it will help. if I have ANY cluster b disorder it’s def aspd lol. lmao.) #but. yeahhhhhhhhh. I’m tired of this and I’m tired of having no treatment and being in medicated #I’m tired of pretending I can function like this forever cuz obviously I can’t lol #and eventually (probably soon) it’s gonna burn me out and I’m gonna crash so hard and uh. bad things are gonna happen 😭 #kaz rambles

[lesbiansanemi]

I rly hate the Satanic Panic & the moral panic surrounding violence in video games in the 90s, coz it's now impossible to talk about the social implications of violent video games in a realistic sense.

No, violence in video games does not create serial killers in the way most people imagine it would.

However, it's very important to notice how after 9/11, a lot of violent video games pivoted their content from silly gratuitous cartoon gore to more realistic military shooters set in the Levant from a US American lens. It's also important to notice the connection of these games & their toxic online multi-player voice chats to Gamer Gate in 2014.

It's obviously not as black & white as it was presented in the 80s & 90s, I dont think everyone who played early Call of Duty games is a white supremacist who wants to join the military to kill people in the middle east, but I think it's dangerous to pretend like video games or any media can't have an impact on the way people think about violence.

I think what makes all the difference here is how that violence is portrayed, what the message behind it is, what the motives are behind the people who crafted that message, who the victims of that violence are, how they are portrayed & the greater cultural context that surrounds it.

[lesbiansanemi]

uhmm sketches of my gfs igg havent posted in FOREVER

#jujutsu kaisen #shoko ieiri #chainsaw man #quanxi

[lesbiansanemi]

Maki sketch 🙈

#SHE !!!!!! #jujutsu kaisen #maki zenin

[lesbiansanemi]

I need to find some new ppl to follow my dash has been very dead and when it’s not it’s mostly filled with things I don’t care about

#namely bungo stray dogs and one piece #which!!! I don’t dislike one piece!! in fact I enjoy it #but not to the degree that I want it to dominate like 40% of my dash #I mostly just want to see things about nami and luffy and zoro #and those aren’t even the characters I’m seeing the most of #it’s characters I either haven’t gotten to/don’t care about or like (sanji…. lol) #and then yeah I just like don’t give a fuck about bsd #glad the rest of you are having fun! can’t say I really care tho #I tried the series years ago and it left no lasting impression on me and none of the characters were that interesting to me #so it’s just like. ugh #yes I can block and blacklist these things #but then my dash is just completely empty which doesn’t really solve my problem lol #but I haaaaaate trying to find new ppl to follow #cuz most people on this website are INSANE and have the most dogshit opinions ever #whether it’s about media or politically #trying to find the sweet spot of someone I agree with ideologically AND who shares my interests??? #challenge level IMPOSSIBLE #kaz rambles

[lesbiansanemi]

Disqualified as a human being.

#jujutsu kaisen #yuuji itadori

[lesbiansanemi]

Faligon! I have learned a new name for chimera Falin and I'm keeping it in my vocab

#dungeon meshi #falin touden

[lesbiansanemi]

#I’m genuinely great with children and kids tend to like me #but I would greatly prefer to spend NO time around them #kids are the quickest and easiest way to send me into sensory overload #something about the pitch of children’s voices is just so….. #specifically when they laugh/cry/scream #which you know. children tend to do A LOT

[lesbiansanemi]

spoilers

#jujutsu kaisen #ryoumen sukuna

[lesbiansanemi]

The urge to write unrequited renkaza. Renkaza where Akaza is desperately and deeply in love with Kyojuro but Kyojuro will Not and will never give him the time of day. Renkaza where Akaza will sacrifice everything for Kyojuro and switch sides and take his chances with the Corps just for the tiniest hope of being allowed to stay by Kyojuro’s side… and Kyojuro still sees him as nothing but a deplorable demon. Akaza can be useful to the Corps, he’s allowed to live, and Kyojuro is basically nothing but his “handler” because Akaza is obsessed with him and will listen to his every whim…. But to Kyojuro he’s nothing more than a tool he has the displeasure of wielding. And still, Akaza does nothing but trail after him and worship the ground he walks on because even if it’s not like he wanted he’ll take what time and attention he can get from Kyojuro. Do you understand. Do you get it. Because I am gnawing on bones

#found this old post again #and it’s funny cuz I’m actually writing a fic like this for renkaza week lol #like the exact idea that inspired me making this post is finally gonna exist in fic form #good luck everyone 👍🏻

[lesbiansanemi]

something messy i did back in april for my friend's renkaza/hakukyo fic that he wrote for me <:-)

#ooooohhhhhhhggggggggggg #akaza #kyojuro rengoku #renkaza

[lesbiansanemi]

Luna Lu: 'The Anatomy of a Hug' (2016)

#art

[lesbiansanemi]

the cycle of death and rebirth and eternal suffering

#chainsaw man #denji

[lesbiansanemi]

Don't ask me for relationship advice cause I'll tell you to kill him