#i actually started this with inktober and fell in love with the characters | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sunnylighter · 2 years

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I posted 246 times in 2021

108 posts created (44%)

138 posts reblogged (56%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 1.3 posts.

I added 532 tags in 2021

#ninjago - 87 posts

#lego ninjago movie - 77 posts

#lego ninjago - 68 posts

#gigau - 63 posts

#grass is always greener au - 53 posts

#fromfanfiction - 49 posts

#grass is always greener - 45 posts

#inktoberchallenge - 30 posts

#inktober2021 - 30 posts

#inktober - 30 posts

Longest Tag: 45 characters

#i'm just reblogging to use as reference later

My Top Posts in 2021

ok, i think i speak for many that this scene deserves to be drawn:

nya telling jay that pythor is her perfect match, along with the reactions to "the reveal".

because god, I hope I'm not the only one who fell out laughing

See the full post

47 notes • Posted 2021-10-18 16:49:51 GMT

So Renee722 on AO3 said: “also for a drawing request if you haven’t done it, could you draw when Kai falls through the travelers tea portal in the first chapter of this fic.”

What she means is the inciting incident in my latest story, More Fun than a Barrel of Monkies. Pythor basically abducts Kai and renders him unable to talk to use him as a decoy so he can kidnap MK from Monkie Kid. https://archiveofourown.org/works/34204399

I had fun drawing this due to the shift in perspective on both sides of the portal. I always pictured Buddy Kai falling through it down in Movie Ninjago, but coming out sideways in the Monkie Kid world.

56 notes • Posted 2021-10-09 15:28:08 GMT

@digiacrb96 mentioned she wanted to see a picture of all the Lil’Terrors. Sounded fun, so I delivered. Since Lil’Loyd got to stay a kid in the Grass is Always Greener AU he was able to make friends his own age, and over time amassed a lot of them.

From left to right we have

Mindroid, he doesn’t know he’s a Lil’Terror yet, and if you ask him if he’s friends with all of them, he’ll fiercely deny it. And yet he keeps seeking them out, but it’s not like he likes them or anything.

Gene and Brad, they usually come as a pair. Gene’s the ‘brains’ of the outfit and Brad will do just about anything for a bet. Their encouraging the others into trouble is half the reason they’re called ‘terrors’.

Nelson, a huge fan of the Ninja and thinks them and Lil’Loyd are the coolest. Very accident prone and usually has something broken. He is always eager to try anything, and is dangerprone.

Lil’Loyd, the ring leader of the group and the other half of why they’re all called ‘terrors’. He may be a hero now, but he still loves his mischief.

Tiny Echo, small, cheerful, and chatty, he actually beats Nick Jay when it comes to talking. He’s super curious and will ask a million questions a minute, and wants to befriend everyone he meets.

Rusty Echo, tall, shy, sweet, but can carry a grudge, he may not look as ‘little’ as the others, but his mental age is closer to theirs than the way he was built. Lil’Loyd decided the second he met him they would become friends, and he fit right in.

SJ, aka Prince Skales the Second, or my imagining of the movie version of Skales Junior. He has a lot of pressure on him as a prince, and appreciates his wild friends spicing up his life, even if he more often than not has to be the voice of reason.

Poisinthia, a movie Serpentine OC that took on a life of her own. I never intended for her to be a Lil’Terror. She started out as just a kid for Luh-Loyd to save, but then she kept showing up and SJ and Lil’Loyd made friends with her. She’s outspoken, bold, and loves a good romance (much to the dismay of the boys).

68 notes • Posted 2021-11-18 18:16:27 GMT

Hi. Well I noticed there is already drawing of the lloyds with their parents, but there is also the time they were exchanged? So back with a double request, how about a lil'loyd drawing with Lord garm(movie) and one of luh-loyd with Lord garmadon (show) close to being sensei))?

Sure thing. Kinda fun to see how different they treat each other back in The Grass is Always Greener, especially when Show Garmadon was still evil.

Movie Lord Garmadon and Lil'Loyd clicked pretty much immediately once they started hanging out together. Two chaos gremlins with a love for pranks and mischief, they got along like a house on fire, much to everyone else's dismay. If left alone for too long, those two will start causing trouble.

Luh-Loyd, however, had much more tense exchanges with Still-evil Show Garmadon, mostly because he threatened to keep Lil'Loyd in his world if he didn't shape up. SLord Garmadon didn't like that and was dismissive of his 'bleeding heart'. The scene above is after they stopped the Serpentine from collapsing the city, and SLord G can't understand why Luh-Loyd tried to reason with them rather than fight, and Luh-Loyd's more worried about Cole, who passed out after holding up the entire city. The two just couldn't connect until SLord G was cured.

70 notes • Posted 2021-11-13 16:39:47 GMT

So Renee722 on AO3 said, “If you could, could you draw the Ninja force reunion.“

Renee means the reunion between the Ninja Force in Chapter 4 of More Fun than a Barrel of Monkies, when they found Kai and Cyan Nya promptly tackled him. Everyone’s really relieved to see him alright. https://archiveofourown.org/works/34204399/chapters/86284159

Renee asked for a few more, and I’ll get to them when I have time.

199 notes • Posted 2021-10-28 18:26:17 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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mumblino · 3 years

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My self discovery journey

Heyo!

This is not what most of my posts are gonna be like, but I felt like it was important to talk about, and pride month is a perfect time to tell my (summarized) self discover journey~

My name is Brandon, although I don’t care if you call me Mumble. My pronouns change a lot since i don’t really know myself that well, but currently, they are He/Him, They/Them and It/Its. There are also days where I don’t really identify with any 3rd person pronouns, I’m just me, and that’s what I mean when I say No Pronouns.

I have Depression, Anxiety and Combination Type- ADHD, which is why i am on the internet a lot.

This is a very long post, so buckle up

//TW: Transphobia, Enbyphobia, Homophobia, Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, Disordered Eating, Racism (not a huge part, but there are mentions of it), Self Harm, Mentions of a Psych Ward, Medication

I am a trans-masc, afab teenager. I am a romance-neutral aromantic (my interpretation of that is that I don’t mind romance, but I don’t actively want one or seek one out), and a sex-repulsed asexual (I am completely repulsed by the idea of engaging in sexual intercourse with anyone). and I am currently out to my friends, my mother, and my step-father, and am in the beginning-middle of my transition.

I started questioning my gender identity when I was in early 7th grade, after my friend Saturn (pronouns are They/It/Bun) first came out to me as Non-Binary, and asked me to use They/Them pronouns.

I’ve never really actively considered myself straight. I’ve always seen love as between two people, and while I usually thought of a man and a woman, I have always been open to same sex couples. My best friend in 2nd grade actually introduced me to the LGBTQ+ community (not directly, but she did talk about those types of things quite a bit), and while I don’t want to assume her sexuality, I am fairly certain she experienced attraction to both boys and girls.

Before this, the only thing I really knew about trans people was that they existed, and I didn’t really care that much. However, my brother and my father had the idea that most LGBTQ+ people are “snowflakes” and since I didn’t know anything else, I believed them.

However, I wanted to learn more about Trans people, and how to be respectful and supportive of them. I did, at the time, consider myself to be LGBTQ+. In both 5th and 6th grade I thought I was either a lesbian or bisexual, since I didn’t know the difference between aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction, and well, people are pretty!

I also had this need to be very masculine, and I always have. I’ve always wanted to be a tom-boy, to be the masculine one in the group, be the Buttercup of my friends! And during th grade, as I started to learn more about LGBTQ+ people, I wanted to be the top. I wanted to be the stereotypical lesbian. The one with the androgynous style, chill attitude, and the one that scares the shit out of guys.

I’ve even said to myself (not knowing that being trans was a thing) that I want to be a boy. I’ve always identified more with the guys at my school. Not in a pick me girl way, but in a “I relate to you a lot, and I feel like I fit in with you” way.

And to some extent, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is because of how often feminine guys are made fun of. I would not be surprised one bit if this is because femininity has always been demonized to me, especially if a guy is being feminine.

Anyways, through this dive into the Alphabet Mafia, I found out about asexuality. It really resonated with me, because I always found sexual things gross, but that also confused me. If I was asexual, why did I want to be masculine so badly? Why wasn’t I like the other girls? I’ve always felt like an outcast around most people, but especially girls. I never related to them. I always related to more masculine people, and boys especially.

After this, I decided to start looking into trans culture, and FTM culture especially. Through this I found Kalvin Garrah. I know now that he is very much a toxic influence on the Trans community, but he taught me a lot about trans culture. I also found Sam Collins and Jammidoger through him, who also taught me a lot (and are much more positive influences.) These FTM youtubers taught me a lot, and I started to realize, that I might be trans.

Because of this, I decided to ask Saturn if they could refer to me by They/Them pronouns. I went with They/Them because I didn’t feel like I passed well enough to use them. My hair was still long, I wasn’t out to my family, I still acted feminine sometimes, etc.

I would also like to make note of the fact that at the time, I was not very accepting of most gender identities outside of the “binary” and didn’t consider it a spectrum. I had a very close minded and rigid view of gender, and this is mostly due to family influences. This view is why I didn’t want to use He/Him pronouns, because I didn’t feel like I deserved it. I have since grown out of that viewpoint, reflected, and tried to do better when trying to understand other people’s identities.

This stress of my identity crisis, untreated mental conditions, toxic friends, and general struggle with school caused me to develop disordered eating habits. I have never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, however I’ve struggled with disordered eating for a long time. During 7th grade, I started to struggle with binge eating. The moment I would get home, I would immediately start a binge. It was uncontrollable, I felt horrible, and eventually, my mom had started to notice that I was eating an unhealthy amount.

A few months after this, I started to see a therapist, and at the end of my first session with her, I came out to my mom. I could not be more thankful for how supportive of me she is. She has only shown love, and care for me, and the only time she’d no to a step in my transition, is out of a genuine concern for my physical and mental health. She is also religious, but she loves me for the way that I am, and has a very loving and positive viewpoint when it comes to that.

I didn’t do much for my transition at the time (other than switching my pronouns to He/They at some point) and focused more on school, depression, and my romantic orientation.

This was a part that really confused me. I’ve never had a crush (except for one that came from peer-pressure) and I’ve never had an interest in romance. (Keep in mind I had no idea what ‘Aromantic’ was) So what was I? For the time being I decided to consider myself either bi-romantic or hetero-romantic, because like I said, people are pretty, and I tended to notice pretty girls more than pretty boys.

There was also another hurdle. My (now ex) group of toxic friends. These friends weren’t toxic in the way that they wouldn’t include me, they were toxic in the way that they would talk shit about any minority group, a lot of which i was a part of. They were racist (I am not a poc but it still made me upset and uncomfortable) ableist (they threw the r-slur around a lot) homophobic (this was the biggest one, mainly making fun of them, callng them ‘pixies’ and would say they would ‘burn them’) and transphobic/enbyphobic (they didn’t consider they/them pronouns valid, they threw around the ‘attack helicopter’ joke, and they would dehumanize trans people, and call them ‘transvestites’)

Over the summer, I still spoke to them, and tried to ignore all of their behavior, because if I had cut them off, I would be completely alone. I have an extremely intense fear of abandonment, so the idea of doing that was comparable to death.

Through the first half of 8th grade (I was doing school from home) I didn’t talk to many people other than them. I stayed in my room a lot, and the first half of 8th grade was a steady decline in my mental health. My depression and anxiety had significantly worsened over that time, and I was extremely lonely. This was also worsened by the fact that I have ADHD, and at the time, it was undiagnosed, so I was failing almost all of my classes.

The only way I was able to comfort myself was through my hyperfixations, and over the summer, I had a developed a hyperfixation on the Origins MCRP group. Because I had nothing else to do, I decided to pick up drawing again, and in October, I did an Origins version of Inktober. Every day, I would draw a different character from their series Fairy Tail Origins. I did not complete the challenge, however I did get through the first week, and I am proud of myself for that.

One one of the days, I had to draw a character named Brandon (partial inspiration for my name lel.) Brandon is a sky devil-slayer, and a co-guild leader of a guild named Divinus Magia. and I decided to draw him in a picture that symbolically showed his mental struggles with a devil named Jupiter. I posted it to the fan discord, and the actor and creator of the character (online username is ReinBloo) noticed my artwork. I was extremely excited about this, and decided to start drawing more and more.

Because of this newfound motivation to pick up drawing again, I decided to create my own persona. I decided to make my main persona a revised design of my profile picture at the time. It was an improvised character, but I liked the aspects of it, and in late 2020, (yes i am 14 shut up) I created my main Oc, Jupiter. (at the time he didn’t have a name and I landed on Jupiter because I like it, and it fit him.) Jupiter is a space inspired demon, with dark grey skin, white star-like freckles, pure white eyes, white hair (that is slightly purple) and light gray ram-like horns with gray stripes on the base and tip. His color palette is that of the Asexual flag, and this was originally unintentional, but since I like the colors, and my Asexuality is an important part of my identity, I went with it.

I fell in love with this character, and he helped me figure out a lot about myself. I continued to watch origins, and draw for them (mainly ReinBloo’s characters lel) and on January 27th of 2021, in the premier chat of one of the episodes of My Hero Origins, I met MissyLea (She also goes by Lea, and Vesper). We instantly became friends, and moved over to discord to continue our conversation. By February 10th, we were already planning on being platonic valentines. We related on so many things, she was so kind, and loving, and understanding, and very quickly, I grew a strong emotional bond with her.

By the end of February, I developed an emotional attraction to her. I wanted to be with her forever, and while I personally wouldn’t consider it romantic right now, at the time, I did. After a few months of identifying as Aromantic (I had learned about it by now, through the Asexual community) I decided to change that label to Demi-Panromantic. I realized that I didn’t really see her gender, I didn’t care. I love her, and that’s all that matters to me. Now, I feel as though it was more of an emotional and somewhat sensual love for her, but even so, I love her to the edge of the universe and back, no matter what our relationship is.

I have told her things I’ve told no one else. When I was struggling, she was there for me, with kind words, and an endless amount of unconditional love. She is the type of person everyone deserves to have in their life, whether they are a friend, a family member, a partner, or anything else, everyone deserves to have a friend with the amount of love in their heart that she has.

On March 19th, I decided to tell her how I felt. When she said she felt the same way about me, I was happier than ever. To have someone who feels the same way about me as I do about them is amazing. We started dating later that day.

It’s only been 3 months, but I feel like I’ve known her for 3 years. Vesper has made me feel complete when I’m around them, but they’ve made it so much easier to stand on my own as well.

Near the end of my 8th grade year, I officially cut them off, and came out to them (albeit in a very aggressive way) and I wouldn’t have been able to do this without Vesper’s support. Just one person has made it so much easier to cut off toxic people.

Vesper’s support also made it easier for me to be more open with my therapist. I began to tell her more of what I was struggling with, and it has made my mental health journey so much more bearable.

Over these past two months, I have finally gotten a diagnosis, and been able to truly know what direction to go in to properly treat my mental health.

I hope that by sharing my story you can better know me, and I also hope I can help create a safer environment for others to talk about their stories.

I hope one day people will be able to be themselves, and talk about their experiences, without the fear of judgement, or persecution, and if just this one post helps us get closer to that, I will be happy.

Happy Pride Month everybody! You are all amazing, loved and valid! 🌈💖

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tomahachi12 · 4 years

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Good lord, I remember when the first SU promo came out. I was in elementary school and I thought, "I wouldn't like that show." Now here I am, midway through my high school years, choking back tears while I watch the finale. This all started with a boy who loved his ice cream and ended with a legend. I'm so glad I was able to enjoy this show with so many people!

It's hard for me to think about, but I was 23 when the show first came out.

When I first saw it, I thought it was cute. The characters were nice, but holy crap, Steven was fukin annoying.

When I watch a show, I like it to have a story, the first season of the show was mostly just random adventures, that barely explained the significance to anything.

Plus the show remind me a lot of Adventure Time, both in writing and style, which I am not a big fan of.

It just didn't interest me.

And at the time, the fandom was horrible, and I wanted no part of that.

My friends were still into it, and tumblr loved it, so I'd get my updates through them, but I was still too stubborn to sit down and watch the show myself, or make an effort to find it.

It started to get interesting to me when everyone was flipping their shit over Jail Break and posting Stronger Than You everywhere. That's probably the first episode I ever actually paid attention to, and i enjoyed the improved style and animation and thought, "hmm, maybe this show does have a story."

But I was still too stubborn to watch the show.

It fell off for me again until Mr. Greg and Mindful Education came out, when tumblr was flipping their minds over the songs.

It was nice, but I still didn't watch the show.

I got my updates from tumblr and from friends, so I left it alone.

Skip a while, and I completely forgot about it.

I was at work one day, and I saw the commercial for the movie. My first thought was "holy shit, Steven Universe is still a thing?"

I was at work when the movie premiered, so I missed it, but I didn't really care. I know my friends liked the show, so I offered to watch it with them when they could.

Then tumblr happened. People were flipping their minds over the movie, posting songs and pictures, yet I was still meh about it,

Until I came across one post about a certain pink noodle.

I was trying not to spoil myself, but I still didn't really care much about the show, so i bit the bullet and listened to Other Friends.

Holy shit, that was a mistake.

I was hooked, I wanted to know more about this character, I wanted to see the movie for this character alone, but I still held off cause I was waiting for my friends.

We saw it about two weeks later.

Something about Spinel just hit me. Her story really impacted me. It related to something I was going through myself at the time.

I still knew the story of Steven Universe at that point, I was caught up cause of my friends and the internet, bit I figured that was the time to sit down and watch the series.

Luckily, my friend let's me mooch her hulu and even luckier that that every season of SU is on there.

I have a strong dislike for filler episodes, so skipped most of those and focused on the story (I went back and watched the fillers after)

I was also struggling with my art at the time. I didn't know what I wanted to do, or where to go with it. I hadn't drawn anything in three years at that point.

I was already doodling Spinel, so I figured, why the fuk not, I'll draw Steven Universe for my inktober.

That was the first inktober I ever finished to the end.

It actually got me drawing again. It reawakened that passion for my art and creating that I lost, and now I have this stupidly fun blog that I run.

I love it.

I love the show.

I love the friends I've made.

I love my art again.

#wordy words #toma talks

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afoolforatook · 4 years

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Thank you, Wellies

So. I’ve been trying to do both class work and working on wips and just nothing is clicking. So, I thought I should go ahead and do this post, that I’ve been putting off, because.....it’s next week y’all.... So here goes.

Here’s my original post, that explains what this comic meant to me four years ago.

And here’s what it means to me now. (this is really long, sorry)

Man, I don’t really even know where to start this. How to start to say thank you. To Ngozi, to all of you.... It’s not possible to fully express what all of you have been for me the past four years. What this story has been for me.

So many things have changed since I made this post almost four years ago.

So many things haven’t.

I’ve been way less active in the fandom since starting at SCAD, and I really was never that incredibly active to begin with, outside of my small group of friends on a discord server.

And at times I feel bad about that.

But it’s not because I don’t care about or need this community anymore.

Rather it’s because this community, this story, gave me the strength to keep moving, and now I want to keep doing so, and make something that might one day even barely begin to show my gratitude.

So until then, all I can do is say thank you over and over. I can never possibly say it enough.

But still I wanted to thank you now, and try to explain to you what this comic about hockey and pies has meant to me, one last time before it ends. So that’s what I’ll try to do.

It was surreal rereading this old post earlier this week. Reading

“I think I could write a book just of our history and everything leading up to now and the details of this whole event”

When I wrote this post four years ago, I honestly couldn’t imagine a future where I’d be anything other than incomplete.Or even a future at all. Everyday was just getting up and making myself keep breathing, keep trying to push towards something, even though I had no idea what that could ever be.

For the first year I wrote daily journal entries, telling Emma about what happened that day, screaming at the universe for doing this, trying to help my future self remember little things, because everything was so hard to hold on to.

Update days were always something nearly sacred to me. And really not even from a fan point of view. I don’t read them around other people. I sit somewhere quiet, by myself, and read slowly. Because they are little moments I try to share with her still. The only person I want with me when I read them that first time is her, in whatever capacity I can bring myself to imagine.

A few months after the crash, I found one of Emma’s Spotify playlists. She made playlists for everything; birthday and Christmas presents, mood playlists, friend playlists, monthly playlists.

This was her May 2016 playlist. Last updated May 16th. Two days before the crash.

That playlist was literally the only thing I listened to for months on end. 38 songs.Over and over.

And as I listened I started to think that, just maybe, some of these songs she put there for me.

West Coast; the song me and Emma would send to each other after high school whenever we wanted to let the other know how much we missed them.

All I Want is to Be Your Girl. I mean??

Slowly I found lyrics in every song that even if just in my own fantasy, were little messages from Emma, telling me to keep going, how to stay strong.

I was always looking for stories, books, movies, songs, anything about someone grieving the kind of loss I was. Nothing I found felt like it really represented me. If it was about someone young, it was due to suicide or violence or illness. If it was a car crash, it was about a parent or child. If it somehow fit my other demographics, it was never queer.

I felt totally alone in the exact manifestation of my grief. Like no one else could understand all the tiny details that seemed, to me, to make this all more and more cartoonishly cruel.

(though one of the most touching moments of my life will always be when Emma’s step mom, the only person in her family who knows about us, sent me a book about grieving a spouse. I cried for hours when I opened that.)

I didn’t have outside representation, support. But I had journals. I had Emma’s songs. I had poems and a handful of inktober drawings. I had my little update moments of connection. And I had so much to say.

Months, years, of isolation gives you a lot of time to examine your feelings, to question the meaning of things, to think about what exactly grief looked like to you and about how you wanted to live the rest of your life, as someone grieving a love.

And slowly I began to connect those thoughts to individual lyrics from Emma’s playlist and that helped me actually write all those thoughts out, organize them.

And that’s how The Mixtape Project started (I still hate using the word memoir. I had to find something else to call it). A book about us. About Emma. About all those thoughts I’d had so long to sit with. Structured around the songs from her playlist.

I remember the exact moment that I realized that Check Please was going to actively change my life. I was talking to my dad about it, about why I loved the storytelling, the characters, the art, so much.

I’d told him many times before. But it was always tied to Emma in a way, or to the reasons that I identified with Jack. It was always a little sad in some way.

But this time. This time it was just excitement. It was just a kid who has always loved words, gushing about a story that fascinated them.

And I realized. It was the first time I had been just happy, excited, in the months since losing Emma. I remembered all those ideas Emma helped me with in high school, how we gushed over stories like that. I remembered what it was like to just love something and want to create, just because it made you happy.

I knew I couldn’t go back to UNCA, and none of the other creative writing programs I had looked at seemed like they would fit the new person I was.

So, for the hell of it, looking for some idea at how to start my life over, I looked at Ngozi’s personal story. And there was SCAD. There was sequential art.

Now. I’d never ever considered myself an artist. I went to an art high school, I knew art kids. I was never one of them. But that sequential part? That. THAT was what I wanted. That was what I could still be excited about.

That was how I could pull the Mixtape Project together. The writing, the poems, the art, the music. Comics. Sequential art. A graphic memoir that played with the format. That was the project that kept me going. That was what I was working for. That was the first future I was able to see now that Emma was gone.

So, for the first time since literally elementary school, I took an art class (also took a mythology class at the same time, which really helped keep my art and storytelling tied).

I loved it. I was actually happy with my work, surprised by my work and how quickly I felt like I improved (I wouldn’t learn about aphantasia until I got to SCAD, and understand that that drawing 1 class had been so fun, and in a way, easy, because it was all direct observation, and that drawing from memory and imagination would be a much steeper learning curve for me.)

So, when the class ended I thought ‘you know, maybe some kind of art school could be a good idea.’

And then one of my life long best friends, a SCAD animation student, encouraged me to apply, to just go for it.

And I did. It was a long shot, I was sure. We couldn’t afford it. Why would I get that in that kind of commitment, debt, after 1 art class? It wasn’t logical. But it felt good. So I did.

And then I got accepted, and the initial excitement soon fell away, to me and my parents knowing that it really wasn’t doable.

But we went to admitted students day, just to see. And when we got home, both of my parents cried for a long time. The first happy cry in our house for over two years.

Because they had decided that they had to figure out a way to make it work.

Because standing in Haymans hall was the first time they had seen me excited about the future since Emma died. It was the first time they’d seen me feel like there was somewhere I was meant to be, that there was somewhere I could fit again.

So we made it happen. I’ll still be in debt for years, and it’s not necessarily something I’d wholeheartedly recommend to kids getting out of high school, that debt isn’t worth it for many people.

For me it wasn’t really even worth it exactly for SCAD itself, and you’ll have plenty of professors tell you here that really what you pay for isn’t the education but the networking.

But for me. For me it was worth it.

Because I wasn’t wasting away in my basement.

And I really wasn’t where I’d have liked to have been, ideally, before starting. I was a BRAND new artist. My portfolio for my application was solely my writing work. I hadn’t ever done anything more than scribbled fan comics in my sketchbook. I was coming in wayyyyy behind where most other people were. But I couldn’t wait to feel like I was good enough to be there. There was a strong chance that it was quite literally, a matter of survival. I was reaching a breaking point after nearly three years of isolation and grief with no outlet. The future debt was less of a concern than making sure I didn’t have a complete mental breakdown or worse.

Now, of course, it hasn’t all been easy or fun or happy once I got here. I’ve doubted myself, I’ve had awful weeks, months, been stressed, unmotivated, in pain, near burnout.

The first quarter I was absolutely miserable because I had literally no social life.

Because I was an agoraphobic 23 yr old, living with 17/18 yr olds fresh out of high school. And if I wasn’t careful, I’d dissociate so easily. I’d let myself believe that I was still a teenager fresh from high school. That the past three years of agony hadn’t happened. That I could call Emma and it would ring again. She would answer again. And that illusion was a dangerous pit to fall into.

And it wasn’t until this fall that my social life really started to improve, beyond one or two close friends. And even still, while it’s much better, it’s nothing like UNCA, like the tight knit family I had that made me identify with SMH and the Haus atmosphere so much.

But I was moving forward. Agonizingly slowly sometimes. But still forward.

And then last Spring quarter, just about a year ago, I was in Survey for SEQA. Basically comic book history class. And our final was a 4 page research comic on a comic artist we admired. So of course, I was going to do mine on Ngozi.

The comic was due at the end of the quarter, the end of May.

Now, that quarter was the first time I was actually in SEQA classes; Survey, and Intro.

And those four pages would be the first fully colored, refined comic pages I had EVER done. It was intimidating. I didn’t want to mess it up. Especially because this wasn’t some big name of some far off artist you would never have any connection to. This was someone who all my professors knew.

I ended up getting extremely lucky and had the chance to email Ngozi and ask if she’d be able to give for a quote for the project, advice for current SCAD students.

She replied to my email the weekend of the 3rd anniversary. (I then spent hours on a thank you email - because that’s who I am, I can’t not over analyze anything I’m sending to someone important - and then I managed to save it to drafts instead of actually sending it...something I would not notice until literally months later and be absolutely mortified about my apparent rudeness of never thanking her.)

I still am not really happy with how that project came out. I still had (and have) a lot to learn, and it shows. I have, in no way, become an amazing comic artist overnight. I wasn’t expecting to.

But that short email exchange, falling on that weekend; it felt special. It felt like some speck of proof that I was doing the right thing. That things could actually go well in my life again. That if I kept going, I might actually get somewhere that I wanted to be. That maybe I really could make The Mixtape Project happen, if I just kept at it here.

And then I found out that in the fall, Ngozi would be the SEQA mentor.

Unfortunately by the time I had all the details about how to apply, the quarter had started and there were only a couple of weeks before it was due, and the only pages I had even anywhere close to being portfolio ready were either my research comic or a few older Check Please fan comics, none of which I would even have considered putting in that portfolio (I’m not 100% certain it would actually have come across as sucking up but it sure felt like it would have). And despite my best efforts, it just wasn’t possible, with how slow I work and having to keep up with classwork, for me to get a portfolio ready in time.

That hurt for a while. I felt like I had this clear sign of perfect timing. How could I pass up that chance? How could I forgive myself for not doing everything I could to earn that experience? How was I not letting Emma down if I ruined this opportunity?

It took a while to get out of that negative thought spiral. But I did, and it’s still a bummer, but it’s okay.

And something that really helped?

In October, Ngozi still came to campus to give a lecture. And that would have been good enough; just sitting in on that helped me feel excited, encouraged again. But then, after the lecture (with my amazing roommate waiting patiently behind with me, to make sure I didn’t actually have a panic attack on the way home) I got to talk to her.

We all hope to one day get to talk to the people who inspired us, whose work we love, to tell them how much they mean to us. And yes, I was a little version of starstruck.

But that wasn’t why I was shaking. That wasn’t why I told her I was going to do my best to get this out without crying (and I did, I’m proud to say).

It was because I had the opportunity, while at the school that had given me a chance to start my life again, to thank the woman who was in all likelihood, one of the main reasons I was even still alive. If it had not been for Check Please I wouldn’t have had that good thing to keep sharing with Emma. I wouldn’t have found sequential art, at least not for a while longer probably. I wouldn’t have been able to finally picture a future I wanted to get to.

And I’ll be honest, I don’t remember 90% of what I actually said that night to Ngozi.

But I told her my story. I told her about Emma. About how Check Please was the last thing we got to share. I thanked her. And she was wonderful and kind and emotional and hugged me a couple of times, and even though I don’t remember a lot of what I actually said; it was something that will be one of the most important, affirming moments of my life.

I didn’t have a panic attack on the way home. I somehow managed to not cry until we were back to our dorm. But I was stunned.

Not even because of the amazing moment I had been able to have with Ngozi.

But because it hit me.

I was doing it. I was there. I had actually made it this far.

Somewhere that just over a year ago I never would have believed was possible.

A time when, two years before, I hadn’t even been sure I could make it to alive.

That weekend was my 24th birthday. And it was the first birthday since I left UNCA at 19, that I didn’t just hate the fact that I was getting older. That I was moving away from the happiest parts of my life so far.

Yes it still hurt getting further from Emma, putting another tick on the years that I got that she didn’t.

But I was actually finally excited at the idea of even having a future, let alone having an idea of what it could be.

February was a difficult month for me. I have another (entirely way too long) post about why everything that happened with RWBY and Fairgame was so difficult for me, but to put it simply; my hope for the future was shaken.

I was back in the toxic negative thought spirals I had fought for years to train myself out of.

I was seeing Emma, or her brother, or her mom, in crowds; something I hadn’t experienced since the first few months after the crash. I was in one of the biggest crisis moments I’d had since Emma’s death.

But I was more experienced than when I was 20.

It wasn’t fun, a lot of it probably wasn’t the ideal way to cope, but I did it. And I kept up with my work. I isolated more, but not completely. I made myself vent on snapchat or tumblr, and not worry about oversharing or annoying people, because it was either get it out or let it fester in my head. And I couldn’t afford to let that happen.

In mid March, I made a pitch packet for my comic scripting final.

It was for The Mixtape Project. It was hard, and nerve-wracking, and there’s still mountains of work to be done.

But after my initial synopsis (first of like seven versions, cause trying to put this thing in a good synopsis format is a nightmare) my professor told me that he thought my story had potential.

That he could see it being published. He suggested, knowing that I was planning on taking his advanced scripting course this quarter (hey remember how mid march was only a few weeks ago?? Huh?? wild), that I keep working on it, and see about taking it to Editor’s day (SEQA students’ opportunity to basically pitch themselves and their ideas to publishers).

Now, my professor is by no means an overly harsh critic, and is plenty supportive in general.

But I also knew that that was not just something he said to students all the time. That he meant it.

Editor’s Day (now online) is in mid May. The week of the 4th anniversary of Emma’s death, to be exact.

Everything is a mess right now, and I’m stressed and tired and scared and heartbroken (this will be the first time since I was 9 that I have not had Merlefest; the highlight of my year, and since Emma’s death; the last big happy thing before I plunge into the nightmare that is May).

Tuesday will come. Check Please will end. I will continue to support Ngozi and her work after Bitty’s story ends.

But it will be sad. It won’t be easy.

This thing that has been my tether to the most important person in my life, will still be there, but it will be over.

It will have a concrete end. It will no longer be part of the future I am pushing towards.

But I am a different person than the shattered kid who wrote this post four years ago.

I’m not who I was before Emma died. I never will be. I’d never try to be. I want Emma back more than anything. But that won’t happen. And as long as this is all real, I never want to pretend this didn’t happen.

That I didn’t shatter in a way that will never heal like people expect.

I’m still all those shattered pieces that wrote this post. Maybe a few have had the edges dulled, maybe I’ve lost a few, glued a few together perfectly, maybe picked up a few stray pieces that didn’t come from the me from before.

But I will be those shattered pieces for the rest of my life.

They won’t magically fuse back together. I work every day to hold them, to keep myself in some shape that resembles a functioning person.

Some days I fail. Some days, I am too tired to even try. Some days, I am so angry, I’d rather hurl the pieces at whatever power or fate or god or chaos decided that I got to live and she didn’t.

But those days pass.

And I learn how to hold the pieces better, how to avoid the sharpest edges, how to take care of the wounds when I inevitably cut myself on one, how to allow other people to help me hold them, how to accept that some pieces may feel safe and smooth and comforting but they are traps, illusions that are the easy way to do things, but not the healthy way, not the way that will help me achieve my goals.

That person, made of all those unholdable pieces, four years ago, was staying alive for everyone else but themself.

And some days I still am.

For my parents. For Emma. For all the other queer, mentally ill, grieving kids and young adults and just people, who are looking for the same representation I was, who feel as alone as I still do so often.

But some days.

On those really good days.

I’m alive, carrying all those pieces, just because I want to be. For me.

I want to spin around in the morning, singing along to my bluegrass spotify. I want to get excited over finally figuring out how to write that line that was giving me so much trouble, or finish that sketch that I never thought I could manage. I want to hope that despite how awful everything seems, there’s still a good future out there. It’s still possible to be happy some days.

I want to cry because I get to see Jack and Bitty get the happy ending that me and Emma didn’t.

And now, unlike that version of me from four years ago, when it ends, I will have things still.

Things that I have worked everyday to reach, to deserve, to hold out to people and say

“Hey, sometimes everything hurts and you know that things will never be what they were, and parts of you will always miss that. But there are still things you can find that hurt less, that ease the hurt, that teach you how to better hold the hurt, to stop trying to say it doesn’t exist or trying to get rid of it completely and hating yourself when you can’t. You can still be hurt, be irreparably broken in so many places, and still find the happy things. You are still worthy of love, no matter how broken you are. Your worth is not tied to how much you are able to heal. You are worthy of so much love, just because you are still here, no matter how many tiny pieces you are in.”

The thing is, I will still always have a future that includes Emma. Because I couldn’t tell you exactly which of my pieces are from her, but so many of them are.

There is no version of me, from here on to the day I die, that does not have her influence embedded in every piece.

These days I try to be a little kinder to myself. It doesn’t always work, but I try.

Because, to Emma, I was Bitty. I radiated that “thing”.

Whether or not I saw it in myself, doesn’t matter, because she did.

But to me she was the one who radiated.

And she is a part of me. She can’t radiate that “thing” herself anymore.

But I can, at least I can try.

Because If this person I loved and trusted so immensely, saw something worth loving in me? There must be something there worth loving, right?

And if she is a part of me for the rest of my life, how can I hate myself? How can I do anything but keep going so that, even if just in my head, a part of her gets to keep going too.

My family and friends joke that every friend group I’ve ever had calls me something different. And really it’s not a joke. In middle school I was CB #4 (that’s a long, terribly embarrassing, story). In high school I was Pond (and many variations there of: Pondala, Pondy, Raindrop, Puddle, you get the picture). At UNCA, when I came out as nonbinary, I started going by Auden. When I went home it was back to Meagan; Meagan always felt right with my parents.

With Emma I was always Meagan. We were Meagan and Emma. Megma. Meagan and Emma have online adventures!

After she was gone, Meagan didn’t really feel like me anymore. I loved Meagan, I missed Meagan, I wished I could still really fully be Meagan, and I’m okay still being Meagan sometimes.

But that real Meagan. The Meagan that was Emma’s Meagan. Doesn’t exist anymore. I lost that Meagan somewhere in that first night of screaming and trying to break my hand against the wall, so I could just feel something other than the agony of Emma being gone.

When I joined a Check Please chat group, a few months after the crash, we gave each other hockey nicknames. I was Farley.

My second quarter at SCAD, I started going by Farley. It stuck.

That’s who this version of me is. This new artist, still figuring things out, but still going.

I may not always stay Farley (other than ya’know artist ‘branding’. We’ll see) but that’s okay. Farley is who I need to be right now.

Farley is who will finish The Mixtape Project.

(because of two people mishearing both my nickname and last name I will, at least once in my career, use the pseudonym Fartley McFarmland and no one will stop me).

I can’t imagine what, who, will come after Farley, if anything.

But Check Please will always be a part of making Farley, and every future version of me, exist.

I could go on and on about how beautiful this story and these characters are, how inspiring Ngozi is, how genius her storytelling is, how powerful and important her work is. I could go on for days about all of that. But this is already so long, and I know that so many of you can go on about that probably way better than I could currently.

But, as many of my professors tell us over and over, only I can tell this story. My story. Emma’s story. Our story. And it’s one I plan on telling for the rest of my life.

And Check Please, Ngozi, will forever be the thing that made that possible.

So thank you. Those two words that are way too small to say it all.

Thank you.

Every fic writer

Every artist

Every rper

Every chat friend

Every shitposter

Every theorist or meta poster

Every fan

Thank you.

B. “Shitty” Knight.

Larissa “Lardo” Duan

Adam “Holster” Birkholtz

Justin “Ransom” Oluransi

John Johnson

Ollie O'Meara

Pacer Wicks

Jenny and Mandy

Nicholas and Jean-Claude

Coach Hall

Coach Murray

Suzanne Bittle

Richard “Coach” Bittle

William “Dex” Poindexter

Derek “Nursey” Nurse

Chris “Chowder” Chow

Kent Parson

Alicia Zimmermann

“Bad” Bob Zimmermann

Tony “Tango” Tangredi

Connor “Whiskey” Whisk

Denice “Foxtrot” Ford

Fry Guy

Georgia “Georgie” Martin

Alexei “Tater” Mashkov

Sebastian “Marty” St. Martin

Dustin “Snowy” Snow

Poots

Randall “Thirdy” Robinson

Jonathan “Hops” Hopper

River “Bully” Bullard

Lukas “Louis” Landmann

(I’m almost certain I had to have missed someone)

Thank you.

Jack “Zimmboni” Laurent Zimmermann

Thank you.

Eric “Bitty” Richard Bittle

Thank you.

Ngozi Ukazu

Thank you. For everything.

For having my back. I’ll always have yours.

Always yours,

Farley M.

#Check Please #omgcp #my person #my writing #meagan and emma have online adventures #-slaps me- you can fit so many confused emotions in this thing

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supernoondles · 4 years

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2019

The last day of 2019 was also the day I fainted for the first time--a fitting metaphor for the year.

2019 was overall very emotionally taxing. This year was emotionally defined by falling intensely, deeply in love with someone (who is a very private person so I will try to be vague to respect that) and being in a lot of pain because of situations mostly outside of our control. There were a lot of intensely joyous moments, and a lot of intensely sad ones. Throughout it all I wish I had communicated better. I also made some bad decisions with another person I really loved and cared about that resulted in us growing apart. Do I think I grew from the experiences? For sure. Do I wish I could have come upon these realizations through a different course of action? Also yes. Am I fully healed from the experiences? Not really, but I've been getting better.

2019 was also very bad in terms of research. It was the 2nd year of my PhD. After I submitted my rotation project I basically felt stuck in the swamp of my advisors rejecting new project ideas for like literally half a year. This, combined with my high emotional volatility (partially due to starting birth control), made me really sad, unmotivated, and susceptible to self-blame. I definitely had high expectations for myself and became frustrated at my lack of progress and felt a lot of pressure from myself to get my shit together. I also felt incredibly bad after most advisor meetings and not supported by one of them to the point where I had to have a conversation with him about the lack of support (which was very scary)! Things started picking up, though, near the end of the year. I published a paper in collaboration with a former post-doc/now professor elsewhere whom I learned a lot from, and started finally building out another system. I also started mentoring an undergrad who at some point told me I helped him feel like he had something important to say and belong at Stanford for the first time and those words meant a lot to me. I think I'm continuing to refine what I value as research contributions and increasingly think about what it means to build systems that aren't used outside of the lab to satisfy the annual conference publishing cycle. I'm also starting to feel the pressure of doing work that follows a narrative rather than random projects that interest me.

Oh, I guess in terms of "program requirements," I did finish taking required classes, passed qualifying exams, and got a master's degree. But honestly those weren't hard at all nor do I think are externally valued in the larger research community, so I don't really celebrate them as accomplishments beyond surface level.

In 2019 I saw two different therapists. The first one was awful, I think directly influenced some of my bad decisions, and also didn't respect my gender identity??? The second one is a lot better and I'm grateful to see her, even if 90% of our sessions are just talking about my relationship (romantic/advisor) issues, which is something I want to move away from in the future. But I also feel incredibly privileged when relationship issues are the primary stressors in my life--I am grateful I feel equipped to handle other crap, like deadlines, and don't have to worry about my own health.

Those were the main things that have colored this year. We'll now move into the section of this post where I go through my photos to jog my memory of other events.

New years started a tradition of getting dim sum with Jasper, Matthew, and Michelle dear to my heart. My high school friend was also visiting and we all attended a really awesome new year's eve party. I was also going on a lot of dates and having a lot of good sex, which made me really happy, and at the same time crying all the time at work. In February I received probably the best gift anyone has ever given me and saw Panic! at the Disco, which I said in an end of the year group meeting was a good memory of my year (it was, to relive my scene days!). In March I roadtripped both to Marin (which I had never to been before, despite all my years in the bay) and LA for Wondercon; it was nice to both see high school friends and go on a trip with the boo. In April I went on a hike with my office which was probably the start of us all becoming closer (we are the social office in the wing now, which I take pride in! Also we draw a lot of Pokemon which warms my heart). In May I went to CHI in Glasgow and then to Paris afterward, and the entire experience was very weird and bad and also too many flights were canceled and/or missed and I vowed to not return to Europe for a while, but man do I love the noodles at Trois Fois plus de Piment. In June we hosted a double apartment party with my downstairs neighbors (side note: I am really appreciative of the place I live in, for the community, convenience, and large-ass space and will be really sad to be kicked out fall 2020) and I started a friendship important to me. I cat-sat for my advisor (the one who doesn't make me feel bad) twice. I went to Redwood State Park with my family and hosted a summer solstice celebration. Over the summer a friend I met in Paris back in 2017 moved in with me. I had a much needed escape from the bay to Seattle where I was reminded how abundant the world can be. I also went to Tahoe to celebrate my parents' anniversary, and really liked stumbling upon a smaller lake with a cheap boat rental. Then I became FOMO about the highly competitive Bay Area camping and did a last minute walk-in at Redwood Basin in Santa Cruz, which made me realize that I don't actually love camping (but was nice nonetheless). I ate an expensive meal at Commonwealth before they closed. For my birthday we made a friendship quilt and I served my favorite dish of cumin lamb but it was also 90 degrees in my apartment (I felt really bad and bought two fans afterwards). I started buying many cartoon frog plush after being gifted a $3.99 on sale Safeway frog (called Baby!). I went on Tinder dates (one of which was at a quaker yard sale marketed as Harvest Festival where I got a 1970s Kermit puppet for like $2) that largely went nowhere. My high school friend visited and we were both sad about break ups. I did Inktober before I went to New Orleans for a conference on Bourbon St where everything felt like it was coated in a sticky film of alcohol. I almost missed my flight home because I fell asleep in a sculpture garden but I had the most amazing Uber driver who snaked his way through traffic (oh and the flight was delayed by like 3 hours). I went to kind of embarrassing haunted houses and pumpkin patches over Halloween, but also had the most incredible bowl of ramen at Mensho. My whole office dressed up as Zootopia characters which warmed my furry heart. I spent like $120 on a Pokemon shirt. I started playing Arkham Horror and rekindled another friendship important to me. In November went on a road trip to Big Sur because again, I had to escape it all. For Christmas Eve dinner I roasted a duck for the first time (which was delicious). Shortly after I waited in line for 2 hours for a rollercoaster at Great America, which taught me the value of buying a fast pass because at this point in my life that money is worth it, and then waited 2 hours in line at the DMV to get a RealID (I had made an appointment, which was the fast pass).

Okay, now we move to the hobby section!

I got really into sewing in 2019, having received a sewing machine last Christmas. I made a Judy Hopps (which I wore to CrunchyRoll Expo) and Korok cosplay (Fanime), several unsuccessful garments, a crab bean bag, a dice bag, a fanny pack, and put hearts nipples on a jumpsuit.

Shows! I think I went to way fewer shows this year. The ones I can remember are Elephant Gym, Thom Yorke the night before I had an 8am flight, Carly Rae Jepsen over pride weekend (also, she is my #1 artist of the year, which makes a lot of sense given my emotional space), Mitski at Stern Grove, Capitol Hill Bloc Party (which was super lame, except for Lizzo, where I cried), and the National (which was a fucking surreal experience as they played on Stanford's campus, I was the only one within earshot of myself who knew the words to Crybaby Geeks, and then the white catalog moms came up to me after to thank me for singing the song).

I also started playing my own music! I started playing viola again for the first time in 7 years (lol) in both pop-up concerts with the Awesome Orchestra (one in Golden Gate Park, one at the Exploratorium) and a string quartet through my school. Sometimes I am filled with joy and delight. Other times interpersonal tensions run high and also I am very bad at being in tune. It's life.

Media! I really liked Mob Psycho 100 Season 2 and Beastars. I feel like those were the only notable anime I watched this year? I saw the Farewell three times--first in Seattle where I sobbed for like 1 hour after the movie, the second time with my parents, and the third where Awkwafina was present for a Q&A. I thought Parasite was incredible and Promare was OK. I have spent an unfortunately large amount of my time playing Pokemon Masters. I finally beat BOTW and completed my Pokedex in Shield like 2 weeks after getting the game.

Resolutions! In my draft of my 2018 end of year post (which I never polished and posted, sorry), I said my resolutions were 1. come out to my parents 2. draw enough to table at an anime con 3. be disciplined about paper reading and have a doc. I did none of these things!!! However, for 1, I feel like I am well equipped to have this conversation but am waiting for my sibling to do it first out of respect. 2 was just bad. I barely drew this year except for gifts. 3 was okay--I did have a large doc in the beginning of the year when I was looking for ideas, but as time went on I abandoned it (I also stopped reading papers, which I don't think you're supposed to do as a grad student...)

My resolutions this year are phrased as intentions (-(c) Matthew). They span several categories. Relationships: I want to open myself to and actively seek experiences of love, because I miss that. That being said, I will only date someone if 1. they have their life together 2. they love themselves and 3. they challenge me to grow. (I do think you can experience love without dating; the thing I'm after is love in an expansive sense.) Work: I want to do enough work so I don't feel guilty about not doing enough work, and also not berate myself for taking a long time to do things. Hobbies: I want to sew at least one thing a month. Chinese: I want to improve my Chinese, especially pronunciation.

Having written this 20 days into 2020, it's not been so bad so far. But I was also really happy in the beginning of 2019. Here's to no global maxima, a monotonically increasing year!

#noon's shitty end of the year summary posts #lol i never post on here anymore but i got 8 years of summary posts so i gotta maintain the tag u get me

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stellar-chrondrite · 4 years

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2019 Review / 2020 Plans

2019 was ... interesting, to say the least. I started getting into Yu-Gi-Oh 5Ds and firmly established my favourite character from that series to be Jack Atlas, which also led to my favourite rarepair Coatshipping becoming a thing for me. I finally finished a series of pics (this is HUGE for me!) and started up yet more AUs.

Let’s go over things in a more simplified way:

January / February Got into 5Ds. Jack Atlas became my fav 5Ds character. Coatshipping, along with other 5Ds pairings, were added to my fav ship list. Finished Let’s Go Eevee, with that team being added to my list of gijinkas to design.

May Finished the series of pics with YGO characters and Spyro 1 Flight levels.

June Switched fandoms from Yu-Gi-Oh to Thomas the Tank Engine. The break from Yu-Gi-Oh was very much needed at the time as I’d hit an artblock. Started revealing more of my TTTE in University idea.

September Fell in love with the Empress from A Hat in Time. Like, I really really love her.

October Switched back from TTTE to Yu-Gi-Oh. Took on a YGO version of Inktober called ‘Yugiotober’, created by @theyuugimutou, and finished every prompt. It was a lot of fun, and I drew a lot of new characters! Spent the weekend (and Kaiba’s birthday) in London for the first time whilst attending Comic Con. I have a recap of what happened somewhere on my blog ... I think the Always AU started coming into fruition during this month.

November Bought and completed Pokémon Shield, adding yet another team to the list to gijinkify. Oleana became best girl. I’m not kidding. I freakin’ love every aspect about her. Also subtly defended Inteleon’s honour from haters of its design. I’m proud of this, OK?

December Third ‘Pridecember’ challenge accepted and completed. I won’t stop loving this pair! A YGO/Pokémon AU became a possibility, particularly due to my White 2 Yugi file, me finding my beloved Gigantamax Duraludon in-game and @lokziiviingaal‘s lovely artwork featuring Dimensional Variants!

Plans for 2020? I’ve actually already covered them in this journal entry on deviantArt. I’ll link it here to repeat posting that lengthy journal all over again.

To summarise it, expect gijinkas of all my ‘mons, more YGO art and the start of my original series! Also expect a little bit less fan-art as I try to tone it down in order to focus more on my original series.

Have a Happy New Year wherever you are! Celebrate it safely, responsibly and hopefully with loved ones!

#stellarc rambles again #happy new year!

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knittingwithhighlighters · 5 years

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Writober Day 3: A tranquil place

Of course I heard about Inktober, but I didn’t know Writober was a thing until, like, yesterday (or the day before?). Anyway, I found a post detailing the writing prompts for this month—link is over here—so I decided to start a writing journey for which there is a not insubstantial chance I won’t finish. Regardless, here’s Inktober Day 3: “Late Nights,” A story about a tranquil place, as per Turtelini’s post. Keep reading after the jump!

Title: Late Nights Fandom: Harry Potter Type: One-shot Genres: Drama, friendship, slice of life Characters: Hermione, Dobby Timeline: OotP, OWL season

For some, the Room of Requirement turned into a place for lost things, where they could seek everything they had ever lost within Hogwarts—and more besides. For others, the room turned into the world's most pleasant meeting space, complete with pouffes and armchairs, a crackling fire, and dozens of sweets and treats.

But for Hermione Granger, the room turned into a tranquil place, a space completely quiet and utterly devoid of people—including even the sounds of the castle outside it, whether that was the noise emanating from Peeves' pranks or the chatter of students flowing through the hallways. Though the room maintained its proportions, when Hermione entered it—invariably when she needed time to study; a place to relax on her own, without the ruckus coming in every which way from the Gryffindor common room—it was sectioned off with sturdy oak partitions that separated it into smaller areas. Most, if not all, were study spaces. The edges farthest along the wall held all manner of armchairs and pouffes—the same ones, she sometimes thought wryly, that would have been used when the Room turned into a hangout space—along with, again, a crackling fire. Towards the center, a smaller area held a hammock; the partitions around it were crammed with bookshelves. And along the western wall, a small nook, tucked away into bookshelves—perfect for her size, no matter how much she grew—allowed her to sit and read in tranquility, surrounded by the books she loved so much.

Occasionally, depending on her mood, music would trickle in—though from where, she wasn't sure. There didn't seem to be any one thing generating it, in any event; and anyway, it wasn't always music. Sometimes it was the radio, coming in from the closest Muggle station—again, Hermione didn't know how it worked, although this time she assumed the magic was merely finding the closest station's line-up and replicating it, rather than broadcasting the feed directly—and that could have been anything, from radioplays to talk shows to music, of course. She listened to anything; although when she was studying, she thought classical was best. And when she felt like listening to a little noise, however gentle, the sounds would trickle in from the students outside, at a lower volume than she would have imagined otherwise, given the acoustics of the room.

In any event, Hermione had discovered the room during her third year, and neglected to Harry and Ron. It wasn't that she didn't want to, precisely—more that she saw the area as being her own place, just for her, although she knew intellectually that was not the case. Besides, she reasoned (rationalizing, she knew), the Room wasn't exactly secret, per se. It wasn't her fault her friends hadn't read Hogwarts, A History, despite her frequent urging.

She had discovered the Room in, perhaps, one of the strangest ways any Hogwarts student ever had. One day, she had been trying to go from one class to the other—time wasn't stopped when using the Time-Turner, of course, and, what with her hectic schedule, there was still the very real possibility of being late at any given time—and, thinking, had realized she needed somewhere where she could have time to gather her thoughts. Running quickly along, she remembered what she had read of the Room—there only were a few lines of it in Hogwarts, A History, although enough to get on by—and had filed the thought away for later. Soon after—again running, this time from her last class to her free period, hoping that Harry and Ron wouldn't notice her disappearance (although why would they, really)—she had attempted to follow the steps she remembered from the book, and got it after a few tries.

(She had, for the record, attempted to think "I need somewhere to go to stop time" when looking for the Room. It hadn't worked.)

Nevertheless, the Room and Hermione had remained companions over the years—if one could name an area as being truly a companion (and not even a genius loci, for that matter)—and she came here semi-frequently to study, usually when she told her friends she was going to the library. She was here now—it was 3 AM; she was thankful the boys couldn't have come into the girls' dormitory—and she was almost asleep, but not quite there yet. Instead, she had her OWLs books and rolls of parchment spread all about her, surrounding her on the hammock and in the shelves and all over the floor. She was sitting in the hammock, which was suspended from sturdy pillars, and though she was awake (barely) the words weren't coming in properly, rushing through her head in a stream of meaningless sounds. Nevertheless, she persisted, pulling her eyes wide open and flicking on the Lumos with her wand, even though the Room was perfectly lighted.

She continued, reading on and on about the goblin wars of the Middle Ages, trying to retain, trying to understand. But nothing was working; she could feel her consciousness slipping away from her, slowly but not quite—approaching, encroaching, like a beast about to devour her, or the monster at the end of the tunnel.

She was picking up a quill, about to take notes so that she could actually retain the information, when her presence was alerted by a gentle popping sound. She turned and, to her surprise, saw none other than Dobby the house-elf, standing in front of the hammock, smiling sheepishly.

"Dobby thinks Miss Granger should go to bed," he said, holding out a soft, pink blanket.

Hermione glanced at the blanket. She glanced at the parchment on the hammock's lapdesk. She glanced at Dobby, then at her quills—wavering blurrily before her eyes—then at the clock on the wall. She knew it hadn't moved—or imagined it hadn't, at any rate.

She lurched to her feet, realizing for the first time that day that she felt the tiredness in her very bones. Dobby held out a hand; she stretched, reaching for it, and almost fell on top of it.

"Miss needs to sleep," Dobby said wisely, "or else Miss won't be awake for her classes tomorrow. Dobby knows," he added, as he maneuvered them expertly through the maze of bookshelves and sectionals. "Dobby sees Miss Granger studying sometimes, when he can't sleep."

Hermione yawned hugely. She couldn't find the right words to say, so she just said, "Thank you."

Dobby squeezed her hand and smiled, helping her put the blanket around her shoulders. "No troubles, Miss."

They were at the door now, solid and oak against the world outside. Hermione yawned, and she and Dobby opened the door together, ready for the coming morning.

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kristallioness · 5 years

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Me, watching this AMV tonight: Please take me back to the beginning of the 2010's, when the world was a better, safer and friendlier place, when I began to open up, when school turned into a place I actually looked forward going to with my newly-found friends, when I barely began to scratch the surface of the Avatar world and its fandom, when I first met these two characters and their friends and fell in love with them, who've shaped my life ever since and who've inspired me to be more like them, whose (love) story continues to break me down into tears...

*crying actual tears* Oh man.. *sniffs*.. in other words, hey, dear followers! Long time no see (actually, the bloggers who I follow surely notice me every day). I've managed to visit Tumblr daily again for a long while and get enough sleep at the same time on work days. It's a miracle how much more cheerful I feel. I guess both my physical body and mental self do need proper rest, otherwise I'll become too cranky to be around (not at work, but at home).

I've been doing good, generally speaking. But the thing I still miss the most is my spare time. I haven't had the time to finish my Inktober sketches (only 4/31 complete), read the new Avatar books that are neatly piled in my drawer, finish writing that one (1) fanfic where Aang takes care of a flu-ridden Katara by pretending to be her doctor, draw a Father's Day and birthday card, featuring Aang in his 20-s cradling baby Kya, for my dad this Sunday...

I have a lot to do, but tonight I felt nostalgic. So while checking for new AMV uploads related to Kataang or Allurance (as I do once each week), I wanted to listen to some of my old favourites. Needless to say they brought back so many memories and emotions and the nostalgia hit me hard (Avatar rewatch starts tonight??? maybe not.. perhaps in December?). I highly recommend watching these for you guys, too: X X X X X X.

#personal #shards of Kristal

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ooops-i-arted · 5 years

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2019 Art Goals

There’s a snowstorm today so I finally am cooped up enough to sit down and make an art goals post for this year.

Let’s see how I did in 2018:

Okay first of all I am SO MUCH BETTER with fingers and so much more confident with them how awesome is that

Um I varied off and on with posting things on time but I did a little better.

I tried to keep on with drawing and I think I mostly did good. I had a lag in fall/winter this year but I’m getting back on the wagon.

I still suck at facial diversity. Idk man I try to draw a new face and somehow it’s always the same face? I think part of it is because I’m terrible with perspective in general and it’s even more terrible with faces so I can draw them from like, maybe two angles. I have been trying to tweak a little more with chin shape, jawline, eye shape, noses, etc. but not so much success with that imo.

I did pretty good sticking with reference images but the real breakthrough was when I was sick as a dog last month and was stuck in bed with nothing but my phone for company and finally figured out Pinterest, so now I have a nice little collection of reference images in my pocket. (Before that they were mostly on my desktop, which obviously doesn’t go with me, and I never sit at my desk to draw anyway.)

So my goals for 2019 are:

Ramble less

JUST KIDDING THIS IS GOING TO BE AN UNNECESSARILY LONG POST

Who knows maybe third year is the charm for figuring out facial diversity. Let’s keep at it.

Maybe this year will be the year I post things promptly and regularly!! Lmao as if that will ever happen

I tried soapmaking and love it, so I want to experiment more with different types of crafting that catch my eye.

Keep drawing. Continuing from last year, more stuff with focus on process than product (most of the time). I find it keeps my workflow going better.

SWTOR remains my main obsession so that’s the content you’re mostly going to get for now.

(But you have my word that whenever I get a Rebels idea, I always draw it, because I know y’all like it.)

I have been missing doing actual comics though, so I want to try and do a few more of those. I’ve been working on a couple recently and I’d forgotten what good practice it is to keep your characters realistically moving, maintaining detail continuity, etc.

I found this 30 Day of Domestic Fluff prompt challenge thing and I love fluff and fun so I decided to do it with Avei and Corso, and that’s how I’m starting off the year. Inktober kept me on track well so I’m hoping this will do the same lol. I’m currently working on 4 and while I’m not sticking to a strict one a day schedule I am doing them in order and regularly to get me in the drawing groove for the new year.

Sewing! Continue sewing more because I dropped off on that too.

Still gotta make me my Ravenclaw pajama pants. Since I’m snowed in I might work on those this weekend if I can tear myself away from video games.

Decide on a costume for Episode IX. Am I excited for Episode IX? No, not really. Am I going to go on opening night in costume? Um hell yes I am!!!

I’m strongly leaning towards Luke but idk. But since I went as Han after he fell victim to the sequel trilogy I feel I should do the same with Luke. That and Luke is the only member of the OT trio I haven’t made a costume of. Also, I can make a Luke outfit easy. Right now my main choices are:

Luke’s end of ANH outfit but without the yellow jacket, because 1. it’s snazzy af and 2. I can reuse my Han pants and belt and just make a new shirt.

Luke’s RotJ outfit because it’s my favorite Luke outfit and again I already have the shirt pattern and could probably just buy pants to go with it, so simple enough.

Luke’s original farmboy outfit. I can use the Jedi tunic my mom made me in middle school (still fits!), wear light pants, make boot wraps, make a new belt or use my Han Solo belt, and make a poncho. I also really love Luke’s fresh of the farm outfit so it’d be fun and simple to make.

One morning I woke up at 5 AM and wondered what a General Grievous inspired dress would look like. I have no ideas yet but that is still an option in my mind.

The only other goal I have is sort of art-related, sort of not, but it is very important imo, so please allow me to step onto a soapbox for a moment.

By summer 2018 my anxiety and depression had gotten so bad over the past two years I finally went and spoke to a doctor about it, and got put on medication. It has made a world of difference. I have so much more energy and I can think again, clearly, in a way I feel like I haven’t for almost two years. I feel like myself again.

I’d heard before and you probably have too this idea that medication dampens creativity. “Oh, but would Van Gogh have created such beautiful paintings if he wasn’t mentally ill/depressed/struggling/[phrase of choice]?” I’m here to tell you that’s a fucking lie and anyone who spreads it should be ashamed of themselves. I have produced more art and better art since I got on medication. My brain is mine again and I am more myself, as an artist and a person, than I’d been in a long time. So if you’re struggling and worried about losing your creativity, don’t be. (Do tell your doctor if you’re sensitive to medication, though, the initial side effects can be wacky.)

And with that, onward to 2019! Here’s hoping it’s a good year.

#2019 #art goals #mental health cw #i don't usually like soapboxing but #i feel this is very important #and maybe if i'd heard it i would've gotten on meds sooner #(or at least gotten help)

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goldentailedmermaids · 5 years

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creator tag meme

rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc!) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2018. Tag as many writers/artists/etc as you want (fan or original!) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

I was tagged by @jediknightrey Thanks hon’ 😉😘

WRITING

Salvation: my romance novel! The work I hope one day to desperately send to an agent. Getting past the second chapter was hard but I am glad that I overcame it and in the end, I fell in love with my characters as I wrote them. True I wish it had more fans, but one day I hope it will. I mean, Ide and Roland own my heart and their epilogue is far from the end of them and I mean... I wrote Ide mainly to talk about depression and it was so far excruciating.

That secret project: which is actually a Medusa retelling I started writing as I read the Penelopiad. I love Atwood’s writing. It is so simple and yet intricately beautiful. There is no describing it and I wish to achieve such elegant simplicity. So far I only have fragments but one day perhaps I’ll have a whole novel. It is made of numerous scenes and poems and even if writing sonnets is hard, I’ll keep doing it because I owe Shakespeare and Ronsard that much. I am very passionate about that project but so far I want no one to see it but a few friends.

Breathe me: A fluffy piece I wrote for the Let’s be Danes challenge. Probably the most challenging one shot for me yet, but still good. I am proud of one passage in particular and I really tried to give Erik some epic in his misadventures.

Welcome home: A Sihtric x Ealhswith one-shot I wrote simply because I needed fluff and it turned out great and I loved their little banter and although it was a challenge in itself, I am proud of what I wrote.

Daughters of chaos: more like this year’s updates. This story’s shaping up nicely and I got a few more ideas for characters and some storylines are so epic I can’t wait to write them down. I’ll bring back some female characters of courese, and I decided to write only from the point of view of the women because screw Hirst, that’s why! I am thinking about bringing Yidu back, taking Gunnhild (tho I don’t know how yet) and keep Magrethe, have a bit more of Judith and a lot of Blaeja. Also, Thorunn may become more important in relation to Kattegat’s struggle to gain influence thoughout the whole of Sacndinavia. Anyway, I only wrote 1% so far but its scale will rise high.

ART

This year’s inktober series: was GREAT! I mean, I didn’t finish it which is... meh, but I am so happy about how well all the pieces were received. I loved exploring mythology this year and I love these new brushes I tried on. I am especially proud of the Medusa, Circe, Saint Odila, Medea and Mermaids ones. I loved toying with smoke this year.

This spiderverse fanart: I mean... It was SO WELL RECEIVED!!!! I wanted to try out something different (a bit more raw and paintish) and it go SO MANY NOTES AND REBLOGSI gushed a lot over it! I mean.... Thank you SO MUCH!!!!! Also I ADORED the Spiderverse and y’all should WATCH IT!!!!

That Mahiu bride piece: to which I attached a caption in the language I made up for Mahakaiao’s story which... takes me back lmao. I loved toying with the dress and everything and I was so happy with the way it was received!

Every single doodle I did in my moleskine notebook: I really got a grip on such notebooks this year and now I can barely function without one. It feels so good doodling, scribbling, chapter-planning and writing everything down I think I’ll do that forever which is fine by me.

Those kinky pieces: which I did with brush pen and an old sketchbook. I love drawing boobs. I love drawing lace and stuff and I love kinky stuff. I guess I mainly love boobs and I mostly love drawing and sharing it which is near impossible now thanks to tumblr’s new policies. But still, I love drawing boobs.

EDITS

Female awesome meme: Which I am close to finishing but I have narrowed down because I am that lazy. I tried making this as diverse as possible and I love every single woman there! I am so proud of SO MANY of the edits I did!!!! Some of them are my best works so far. I especially love the Villanueva ones, the Lucifer ones and the mcu ones. A lot of those are in my Best of, btw.

Those mermaids gifs: Hell yeah! I giffed this year and it was mostly animation (and mainly mermaids) because my photoshop won’t sharpen gifs. Yet I am so happy at how those gifs turned out and how pastel I managed to get them. I am so pleased peaople liked it!

The Vikings women meme: because the women in Vikings deserve THAT much and because I had the idea for the meme and had to do it and because I miss SO MANY of these women. I am especially proud of the queen ones, and the daughters ones (because I am a salty bitch lol).

Every mbs I did for mermaydsnet: but especially the pale and modern pieces because I nailed the colors and those are AWESOME!!!!!

That edit I did for Kenzo: which is an attempt at doing pale and soft things and the result outdid my expectations as I get to watch it without cringing and I am actually very proud at how I got it to be pale and yet vibrant and I loved it!

Basically, I did so many awesome things this year it almost feels like I have been productive lol.

I tag: @ceridwenofwales @sifshoney @undomielle @lahnister and @leejordan

#tag game #meme #thanks for tagging me!#personal #ceciliesfamily #ninasfamily #sabrinasfamily

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dovabunny · 6 years

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Nobody Would Want to Dance with a Magic Ox

Click link above to read on Ao3 or read below under the cut.

Relationship: Adaar/Krem

Fandom: Dragon Age Inquisition

Rating: Teen

Characters: Cremisius "Krem" Aclassi; Female Adaar; Female Inquisitor; The Iron Bull; Josephine Montilyet; Leliana; Dorian Pavus; Cullen Rutherford

Tags: fictober18; cremquisitor;

Chapter: 1/1

Series: FicTober Ficlets

Summary: Adaar had always thought nobody would ever look at her and see beauty and strength in equal measure, that nobody could ever love her as she is. She always thought nobody would ever want to dance with her, especially not more than once. Maker, she has never been more happy to be right.

FicTober prompt ( from @barbex ): “I thought you would forget

Dragon Age Inktober prompt (from Dankou): Halamshiral

The result: this hot garbage.

Adaar shifted uncomfortably in the constricting fruity outfit they made her wear. For someone used to wearing Arishok armour while twirling a staff around at lightning speed, feeling like a stuffed nug in a frilly sock was...demeaning and embarrassing.

But they meant well, her advisors. Josie had practically bounced on her toes when first she saw Adaar in the Inquisition formal attire, calling her both ‘striking’ and ‘resplendent’. Whatever the fade that means. Leliana has smirked in that creepy I-can-murder-you-in-your-sleep-but-chose-not-to-you’re-welcome way of hers, speculating that the Inquisitor would be flooded with hopeful suitors. Cullen was the only one who grumbled along with her as they tugged and frowned at their outfits.

But standing here, on the balcony of the queen of Orlais’ home or whatever (Maker, Josie will kill her if she heard those thoughts), there was no sweeping compliments, no swooning suitors, and no friendly faces. There were masks and gossip, thinly-veiled insults and condescending giggles. No one cared that she had saved Briala’s ex-girlfriend and thereby saving the whole damn country from a bloody civil war. Oh no, they’d rather keep their distance from the 7ft grey giant with swooping black horns adorned in gold, long white hair braided to her butt, and the tell-tale scars around her red lips of where she had once been silenced.

Too big, too opposing, too ugly, too grey, too non-human, too...horny.

She allowed herself a stupid little giggle at that last bit.

Truth be told, very few things made her smile these days. Before Haven fell she had been a simple woman that found happiness in simple things - good food, a good fight, good ale, and good company was enough to have her grinning ear to ear with a flush on her cheeks. Being with Bull’s Chargers gave her that long lost sense of belonging. Around that lot of misfits she felt safe to be herself and let her guard down, they never judged only teased, and never talked in circles.

And then...there was Krem.

The first time she had seen the lieutenant, swinging a gigantic warhammer like it was a turkey leg, looking like the hero from one of Varric’s fantastic romance stories - she’d felt something strange twist in her stomach. It had taken her a long time to realise that twist was her having a ginormous crush on the man. But instead of being a decent adult about it, instead she blushed like a virgin maid about to get her V card stamped by Zevran Arainai, and running to hide whenever she saw him in fear that instead of words only garbled sounds would escape her. That actually did happen, three times, where she would drink that strong shit Iron Bull said could make you damn-near breath fire and grow a tail, until she felt brave enough to approach the handsome, strapping warrior standing on his chair like he was the king of the tavern….

...not knowing he was the king of her heart.

...holy fuck, did she really just think that? That’s good shit! She needs to give Varric some tips on writing romance, seems she’s a natural. But only in theory.

Each time she opened her mouth to say something smart or witty, to compliment that way he sweeps his warhammer low to knock enemies off their feet before spinning it up to slam back down crushing the skull of a Venatori. Or maybe she would compliment his choice of haircut? How he could burp words in Qunlat? It made no difference what she ‘planned’ on saying, because all that came out was “so-Ima-fyo-imean-notwha-hnggk…” right before she turned and all but fled the Tavern to go hide under the hay in the stables. If Blackwall saw her he never said a word. Good man that, seems honest and reliable.

Because of such profoundly mature and sophisticated behaviour one might come to expect of a person of her status and office - she had started to avoid Krem, the Tavern, and the Chargers. Heck, she even avoided being in Skyhold if she could. There would barely be a ‘welcome back, Inquisitor’ before there was a ‘let’s go get something to drink’ and then of course a ‘Boss! The chargers and I haven’t seen you in a while, ain’t that right, Kerem de-la Creme?’ and she’d be ‘I NEED TO GO TO THE HISSING WASTES’ -ing out of Skyhold before anyone could say ‘Dorian your mustache is looking marvelous for someone who had just arrived back at civilisation not ten minutes ago from the Fallow Mire’.

It was the last night before the Inquisition left Skyhold for Halamshiral that she decided to cave and go wallow in self-pity at Herald’s Rest, her forehead planted on the table she claimed for herself in the corner. She typically gave off quite a ‘keep your distance I am big and scary’ aura, even without the glowing arm, but tonight she was giving off plain old ‘fuck off’ vibes. Of course ‘vibes’ never meant shit if you’re the Iron Bull.

“Bummed about the upcoming party?” he cheerfully said in that warm gravelly voice of his. “It’s not that bad, boss. We’ll go, save the empress, scare some humans, have them kiss our asses, and then get our bellies full of fancy food and wine.” At her barely scoffed response, his voice went a little softer. “What’s this really about? You got a weak stomach for Orlesian Ham? Dorian claims it tastes of despair. Scared of masks? Can’t dance in red velvet?”

“Bull, if you don’t shut up and let me drink I’ll send that redhead in the kitchens to Redcliffe and there’ll be no more ‘strawberry shortcake’ for you. And yes I meant it like that.” Adaar snorted mirthlessly. “Besides, I’m a giant grey ox mage with fade power gifted by Andraste herself and more scars than they have hair. Nobody would want to dance with me…” She had said the words softly, whispering it to the wood on the table, not intending it to fall on any ears.

Especially not the beautiful ears of a handsome Tevinter warrior who looked at her with slight confusion and concern when she finally lifted her head.

The inquisitor tugged at the tight collar, ripping a few seams so she could breathe. With not much else to do, she amused herself by watching the gardens below. The balcony was secluded enough to not draw the attention of other guests looking to step into the cool air but still wanting to bask in the festivities. And those seeking seclusion for ‘other’ reasons, well, she could see them behind various shrubbery and hedges from where she stood. She’ll commend them for their commitment, that’s for sure, for soldiering through removing so many layers of cloth and frill and belts and skirts before they get to smoosh the parts together they want to smoosh together. Maybe she should go call Cassandra...

As it were, she was so distracted that she completely missed the doors behind her open and close, as well as the steps towards her, till a not-so-subtle throat clearing had her whirl around, her long white braid whipping her in the face as she started with “I wasn’t looking at anything!” only to freeze.

“Inquisitor,” Krem greeted with a polite nod of the head. His hair neatly styled to the side (she suspected Dorian had a hand in that, literally), his uniform showing off his broad shoulders, strong arms, and soldier’s posture.

But that wasn’t what caused her breath to catch.

Stuck to his chest was a little scrap of paper with the word ‘Nobody’ written on it.

Krem smirked when he saw her stare at it. “I may have overhead you say ‘nobody’ would want to dance with you.”

Her eyes went wide as he took a step closer, his arms behind his back, all cool confidence and determination. “I… I thought you’d forgotten,” she said dumbly. But HEY at least it was words!

Krem’s smirk turned into a smile as he stopped in front of her and offered her his hand. “It would be very hard for me to forget you, my Inquisitor.” He extended one sinfully strong leg and gave a bow. “Now, would you be willing to dance with a nobody? Because nobody very much wants to dance with you.”

They couldn’t dance, neither of them, but heck if those kids didn’t care. Even as she towered over him, Adaar seemed to look up at Krem with stars in her eyes as he leads her in a swaying twirl around the balcony. They laughed and teased and danced, and her heart felt full.

Adaar had always thought nobody would ever look at her and see beauty and strength in equal measure, that nobody could ever love her as she is. She always thought nobody would ever want to dance with her, especially not more than once.

Maker, she has never been more happy to be right.

#fictober18 #dragon age inquisition #cremisius aclassi #cremquisitor #inquisitor adaar #ficlet #my writing #halamshiral #iron bull #krem

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builder051 · 5 years

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Best of 2018: other stuff

I’ve posted lists of my most popular posts and my favorite pieces of my own writing, but I want to take a second to plug some my favorite other stuff. I’m a pretty big media consumer, despite being a little out of touch with what’s popular and newsworthy. But since I tend to hyperfocus and perseverate, you can rest assured that everything on this list has been tested to the limits and truly loved.

Podcasts

The Adventure Zone

Yes, I’m extremely late to the game. If you’re not familiar, this is a live-play fantasy gaming podcast (it started out as D&D, but they’ve expanded) where 3 brothers and their father create amazing adventures with hilarious and relatable characters, perfectly balancing drama with humor and action. It may sound boring, but they’ve created DragonQuest (Balance arc) and Scooby-Doo (Amnesty arc) esque worlds that are easy to get lost in. There’s approximately 100 hours of content so far, so it’s a commitment to catch up, but entirely worth the time.

Books

Sharp Objects and Dark Places by Gillian Flynn

I read Gone Girl years ago, but I was unaware that the author had more books to her name. These are as good as Gone Girl, and arguably creepier. Sharp Objects is beautifully written, with the power of angry words as a central plot point. Dark Places is more suspenseful, and it has more characters, tackling the way in which small actions create ripples in our own lives and those of others. HUGE trigger warnings for both of these. The TWs are spoilers, though, so think of them this way: If you’re a fan of Criminal Minds, you’ll love these books. If you’re not, you probably won’t. Both have emeto in them (and so does Gone Girl). I have a feeling that the author might be a fan of whump. :)

The Adventure Zone graphic novel

See above. They made the podcast into a comic book. It’s genius.

American Vandal

This is a Netflix show that I feel like is simultaneously very popular and something nobody knows exists. It’s been a long time since I lost sleep over a TV show, but I couldn’t rest until I finished the first season. It’s a reality series/documentary following a 15-year-old boy’s quest to investigate a tagging incident for which his classmate has been (wrongfully?) accused. It sounds low-stakes, and it is, compared to something like Serial that investigated a murder, but it rides the line of seriousness and humor that perfectly captures the gravity of teenage life. It’s crass, it’s disgusting, it takes an inordinate amount of time to lay out the details of summer camp hookups and phone pranks, and yet it also shows a boy’s deep-seeded worries about how his actions will affect his college and career choices. The series is amazingly well produced, considering that it’s the product of high school sophomores working out of their school’s media center. It’s the kind of show you’ll watch on the edge of your seat the first time, then continue to giggle at it for weeks afterward.

The Vietnam War

Yes, one of those PBS Ken Burns documentaries. If it’s not your cup of tea, I understand. It didn’t used to be mine. But this isn’t the kind of film you fell asleep to in history class. The narration balances geography, history, and government lessons with real-life anecdotes, all presented with original footage of the most-photographed war. I’m a nut for the era, but it’s an incredibly poignant viewing experience that brings a lot to the table. Segments on music, pop culture, protesting, and the perspectives of various cohorts (African Americans, Viet Cong, those who fled to Canada, nurses, children of refugees, etc.) combine into a patchwork story that’s well worth the viewing time.

Sharp Objects

As discussed above, this is a thriller/mystery adapted from the page to a miniseries for HBO (but google it and you can stream for free). Amy Adams portrays the main character, and it’s about 75% true to the book. It’s not as good as the book, as most of these things turn out to be, but it is good. Lots of angst, illness/injury, emeto, etc. But, as I said, it’s like Criminal Minds in terms of content. TWs abound.

Films

First Man

This is a perfect film. It’s a biopic, and there’s not a lot of action, but it’s thought provoking. It’s exceptionally well-written, the acting is spot-on, and the music and visuals are beautiful. It makes a man’s extraordinary experiences into something intimate and relatable by de-mystifying it. Fight with the wife, swim with the kids, go to the moon, ho hum. Tis the rhythm of life. It’s all presented at the same pace, with much gravity (pun intended) given to body language and well-placed symbolism. It’s definitely a shoe-in for awards, and it’s my pic for Best Picture.

Isle of Dogs

This is a bizarre piece, but it’s genius. A bit like American Vandal in its way of being simultaneously sincere and off the wall, this animated film occupies an awkward collegiate space--it’s not for kids, yet not really geared for adults. It’s funny, cynical, and very sad, though it’s not that kind of sad dog movie (again, spoilers, but I’ll say that it’s ok to get attached to your favorite characters). This film is art, for sure, and it’s also extremely enjoyable.

Boy Erased

This is a tough watch, because the TWs are the plot: A boy struggles to come to terms with his sexuality and recover from the trauma of sexual assault while participating in an abusive conversion therapy course. There are no plot twists. It’s exactly what it sounds like. But the acting is gorgeous, especially Lucas Heges as the main character and Nicole Kidman as his mother. It’s a beautifully angsty movie. It has a largely hopeful ending, but there are almost no lighthearted moments. All the same, it has a satisfying feel, and didn’t make me feel down when I left the theater.

Colette

This is the ceiling-shatterer of this awards cycle. As promised in glimpses of the trailer, it’s ground breaking in its portrayal of female agency and LGBT characters in a historical context. The beginning is a bit slow and Jane Austen-ish, but from the midpoint to the end, there are multiple mind-blowing revelations and shocking lines that take the story from a little known page of history to a spectacle representative of the Parisian salon culture from whence it came.

Cam

I know this is a strange choice. It’s a second-rate, made-for-Netflix pseudo-thriller about camgirls and the horrors of modern technology. The reason it’s on my list, though, is because it’s very obviously meant to compete with Assassination Nation (even using some of the same actors), and, unlike its big-budget counterpart, it actually hits its mark. It forces the viewer to think about the lines between respect and abuse, exploitation and sex work, and the meaning of privacy in an increasingly digitized world,

Art

Artsnacks

Subscription boxes are nothing new, but I’m especially pleased with this one. Instead of just sending stuff, it cultivates a community. You receive a box of 4 to 6 art products (typically a pencil, a couple pens and markers, and a paint and/or brush--things that are expendable, so you don’t accumulate junk even as a long-time subscriber) and a piece of candy. The game is to use all the products in the box to create a piece and post it on social media, then connect with other artists. Artsnacks also releases collections and pushes additional challenges (such as Inktober) that encourage skill development and interaction among participants.

#best of 2018 #laur talks #laur recommends

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spacejudyunicorn · 5 years

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So, 2018 has been a very productive year for me. I was able to improve my art skills and work on characters more then on ladscapes. My sketching has become faster and cleaner with lesser strokes. I got to finally do some manga drawing which i wanted to try ever since I started watching anime but never really had the courage and time to do it until now😁. And I've had a start in digital art which i will continue to work on until I can master it properly. The start of this year was actually better than it's end. I got to try new things like drawing with colors, participating in inktober, reading a new genre of books I now fell in love with ( and worked on reading faster too😂). I got to eat sushi for the first and now just crave it every single second🍣. And I also got to experience traveling for the first time ever!!🗼🛫 The second half of this year was not that great but when I look back at all the problems that I have faced and overcome, I feel stronger, more ready to deal with anything that will try to block my path. My goals for 2019 are to be more creative in my art, to draw at least 10 digital art pieces, to create more Tog and Acotar fanart and to work on bringing my OCs to life through drawing, along with many more... These are the 9 drawings that got the most likes this year. I thank you all guys for supporting me through my journey and I promise you some greater projects in 2019 and hopefully in the years to come!🙏 I find my strenght in your support and reviews wether they're positive or negative. I thank you all so much and hope you have a wonderful new year!🎆💜 #newyear #2019 #art #artist #artistoninstagram #drawings #sketches #loveart #disneydrawing #goals #sarahjmaas #acotar #acotarfanart #feysand #feyre #rhysand #indi #inktober #fullmetalalchemist #ariel #codegeass #saber #fatestaynight #anime #books #tog #starvstheforcesofevil #nightcourt #jackskellington #happynewyear #happyholidays #christmas https://www.instagram.com/p/Br7vqBbntV7/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1golo3wwz0trh

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tomahachi12 · 4 years

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How did you get interested in steven universe?

Kind of a long story

I actually wasn’t interested in Steven Universe when it first came out.

To me, it was just a bunch of random stories about this goofy kid going on silly adventures. I found Steven annoying. Most of the characters were annoying to me. (I am a grumpy old lady after all)

so I never really payed any attention to it.

After a while, tumblr got wind of it and that’s when I started seeing more of it. It actually wasn’t until the episode “Jail Break” came out did it catch my interest. Seeing it on tumblr, hearing the songs, and people talking about the story, the lessons they held and the representations of different mental and physical things got me thinking about it more. That’s when I also started it notice that it had an actual story behind all the fillers.

However I’m dumb and forgot about it again.

The only things I really caught about the show is what my friends would talk about or from what I saw on tumblr, and that was enough for me. New song? Sweet! I’ll listen to it. Oh shit, this shit tackled a serious topic. That’s awesome for kids to see!

After Change your Mind, it kinda just fell off. I forgot about it again.

Last year, while I was at work, I saw a commercial for the movie. First thing I thought was, “Holy shit, Steven Universe is still a thing?”

Unfortunately I was at work when it premiered so I missed it. My friends wanted to catch up on the show before watching the movie, so I waited for them. I was caught up with the show, but I still hadn’t sat down and watched the show myself.

I didn’t want to spoil anything for myself, but of course, tumblr was losing their collective shit over the movie, and posting EVERYTHING.

I did my best to avoid what I could, but curiosity got the better of me and I listened to the audio of Spinel’s song, “Other Friends” (which I still listen to to this day lol) I was hooked. Later, a video came out and I fell in love with the character. Her design and inspiration grabbed me instantly. I got excited for the movie.

But I still waited for my friends.

After watching the movie, and learning Spinel’s story, I just fell in love with her more. I guess I have a thing for tragic characters lol

Not too long after, they announced SU: Future, and I thought “oh shit, now I have to get caught up..” I was lucky enough to find all of Steven Universe on Hulu, so I spent the next week watching all of it (most of it, I avoided some fillers I knew weren’t important)

October rolled around and I figured, why the fuck not, I’ll do Steven Universe for my Inktober. Before that point, I was only drawing on occasion. I’m actually surprised I finished out the whole month, and I just never stopped drawing it afterward. It got me to start drawing again.

On a heavier note, (if you even read this far lol) I’ve been going through fits of depression for a long time. I would have several breakdowns a week. After the movie, and watching the show, it actually helped me.

It helped me expand my art and my stories. This is most detail and thought I’ve ever put into anything, and I LOVE doing it.

Through my art, through this fandom, I got to meet so many great people, to many for me to name BUT YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Even if we don’t talk much (cause I’m a huge weenie) it’s all helped me get through the shit life throws at me.

I’m thankful for this show, for this fandom, for the people I’ve met.

who knows where I would be now.

tl;dr: Show was annoying, Didn’t watch it, Movie came out, Spinel is life. Finally watched the show. I live by it now.

#toma talks #words #lots of words

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save-the-spiral · 6 years

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Day Four- Spell

Hi! Welcome to Day four of Inktober 2018!! Decided to go for some dark stuff this time around, and also kinda get a feel for writing my characters Leo and Ianthe! Note- Leo is nonbinary but uses mostly he/him, and occasionally they/them, which I tried to show in this. (also I completely made up some spell words, have mercy if I accidentally butchered latin or something) Warnings for snakes, necromancy, ritual summoning, major character death, and undead monsters.

(link to prompt list) (link to inktober tag)

Leo stared down at the ancient scroll, leaning in and moving the onyx paper weights to examine the array formations and ancient symbols for what seemed like the millionth time.

Most wizards had an innate aptitude for ancient languages, but the ancient runes of Khrysalis were practically gibberish, the bane of anyone who wasn’t native to the world. And Leo wasn’t any different in that regard.

“Four fingers of the dust of the death mark death?” He muttered under his breath as he read, finger trailing under the words in the translation dictionary. “Is it tombstones?” He continued, noting the words down in one of his research notebooks and feeling more annoyed by the second.

He moved closer, only for his reading glasses to slip off his face and onto the worn parchment in front of him. Groaning, they leaned back in their chair, trying to make a concentrated effort on trying to relax, rolling their neck and listening to the cracks and pops.

“Fuck.” He whispered, shaking out his cramped hands. What he’d do for some booze that didn’t mess with his antidepressants right about n-

“Holy shit.”

Fingers is a measurement. Tombstone dust and bone dust would fit. It’s more of a riddle than gibberish.

It might work. It’s stupid enough to work. Leo practically sprinted out of his study, scrolls tucked under his arm while he ran between the tall library bookcases, jumping over various cats and dogs and the occasional small deer or large snake that he cared for.

They stopped in front of Ianthe’s room, knocking only twice when the door was thrown open by a very grumpy significant other.

She looked up at Leo through a cloud of wild dark brown curls. Her purple glasses were askew, and the long t-shirt that was probably one of her moms’ went down to her mid thigh, acting as pajamas. She yawned, rolling her neck and revealing Leo’s familiar, Jet, curled around with her head settled in the curve of Ianthe’s collarbone.

“This better be good babe.” She said in a monotone, sleepy rasp.

“It is!” Leo insisted.

“Is it interrupting my sleep at Four AM after I didn’t sleep for two days good?”

“...Probably.”

Ianthe rubbed at her eyes, yawning again. “Good enough for me.” She muttered, turning and stumbling back into her room, Leo following behind.

As she got dressed and looked for a proper cloak for the drafty library studies, Leo explained their ideas, rambling and gesturing the whole time. Gradually, Ianthe perked up with interest, drinking in every word as she puttered around her room.

“That’s awesome, Leo. You sure you wanna try this, though?”

“Of course!”

“Leo.” Ianthe said quietly, turning to look at him. She always looked serious, but her eyes were blank in a scary way.

“Yeah?”

“I trust you on this one, but you totally owe me next time I’m doing a project.” She said, a smile crawling up her face.

Leo sighed. Last time she called in a favor they had The Ultimate Pokémon Tournament of Wizard City, consisting of just Leo, Ianthe, and Ianthe’s moms, but it still managed to take fifteen hours and end in bloodshed.

“Fine.”

“Sick.” Ianthe said, grabbing a handful of quills and charcoal pencils. “Oh yeah, take your snake.” She said, tilting her head up and dislodging the sleeping reptile slightly.

“Kid?” Jet hissed quietly.

Leo rested his fingers on Jet’s head, rousing her more. “C’mon.”

Jet grumbled and hissed as she curled around his forearm, settling in and preparing to assist in a magical ceremony, which ended up taking an hour to set up.

The arrays were complex, the lines had to be precise and the runes had to be perfect. Ianthe drew the eyes, spiders, spirals, and skulls around the outside circle, and Leo worked from within, drawing complex star charts and perfect circles and triangles. It was hard work, and it took magical energy the entire time, draining them gradually.

When they finished, Leo was trying to rest while sitting in his position in the middle of the array, watching as Ianthe measured out the last ingredients.

“Care to tell me what the ritual actually does?” She asked.

“It essentially imbues the wizard to cast the Animate spell completely cardless and wandless.”

“Minion summoning whenever?”

“Basically.”

The quiet filled the room again, little clinks of glass and metal making Leo twitch uncomfortably. He stood, cracking his knuckles nervously.

“I’m ready to start.” They said, trying to raise their chin in a way that conveyed confidence.

“Just a sec, I’ve gotta get this right.” Ianthe said, bringing the measuring cup close up to look at it. “The alcohol measurement thing is weird, but I think I’ve got it.” She poured the dust into a silver bowl, bringing it closer with two hands.

“Sprinkle it around the edge while I recite some words at the cardinal directions, then it should start working. Don’t step in the circle, don’t-” Leo started.

“This isn’t my first necromancy ritual, Leo.”

“I’m just nervous.”

“I know.”

Ianthe grabbed a handful of dust, standing right in front of Leo, at North.

“Animus.”

She moved slowly, letting the dust trail behind her like a flower girl at a wedding, reaching East.

“Theurzen.”

Ianthe looked at him for a moment, before walking out of his view, reaching South.

“Youvanus.”

Silvery magic burst through the array lines, lighting up Leo’s face to look like a ghastly skeleton as Ianthe reached West.

“Sylven.”

Leo continued to chant the four words in order now, as Ianthe reached North again. The magic began pulsing wildly, and off beat racket like two drummers at the same set. The power of it made Ianthe stumble back, exlaiming in fear as she was pushed back with more and more power until she was flung against a library shelf, the bowl rolling away and leaving dust everywhere.

Leo’s vision was filled with morphing and warping magic, the greys and silvers blinding him as they formed into something. Something he didn’t want to see, as he was busy trying to see if Ianthe had gotten hurt.

A chittering, clicking laugh filled the room, followed by a ghastly groan. Leo felt the magic drain out of him, felt his familiar tighten around his arm, feeding in more magic to sustain him before he passed out or died from shock.

Standing before him was Wormguts, the old terrorizer of Nightside, and Foulgaze, the vicious ghost who haunted Olde Town.

Laughter filled Leo’s mind again as he fell to his knees. More and more undead crawled from the ground, destroying the decrepit wood boards of the library floor and disrupting the array.

Ghosts, skeletons, ghouls. More and more, every single one more twisted or rotted than the last. They all snarled and chittered and laughed. The magic glowed brightly around Leo, and the world went silent. They could feel themself dying, could feel the magic stealing from them.

An ultimate sacrifice, it seems.

He internally laughed at that last thought, before dying.

He died and so did Ianthe. And it wasn’t fair.

In the end, Leo joined the undead army of his own making, following the orders of those he summoned. His body and control of it was dead.

But not his mind.

No, not his mind. He spent the next few years trapped, watching as his ghoulish body destroyed young wizards, those he knew, those he loved. He watched Wizard City fall.

And it was all his fault.

#Wizard101 #Wizzy #Writing #Oneshot #Inktober #Inktober2018 #Inktober2018 4 #Inktober day four #Wiz101 #W101 #wizard101fandom #Leo Nightside #Ianthe RavenHunter #Foulgaze #Wormguts #Wizard101 NPC #W101 NPC

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