#however I have been on the fence this evening about whether to genuinely go | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eveningepiphany · 7 months

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welcome to the final show | H.S, part 4

my masterlist!

summary: suddenly it’s not just you and harry anymore, and not only do the general media want an explanation, but so do your friends and family. however, the two of you are only just figuring things out yourselves.

warnings: paparazzi, anxiety surrounding leaked images, fluff, comforting, confessions, make out session, sexual content!

a/n: no because i am so thrilled for you all to read this. these two are so much fun to write about. I hope you enjoy <3

(I was on the fence about including smut, but I decided i wanted to! if that’s not something you want to read, a little warning will come up when it’s about to begin. plot wise you won’t miss anything if you choose not to read it!)

———

There’s a certain type of love that comes around once and a while. It’s rare.

And it’s an all consuming kind. One that when you think about it you feel it to the bone.

And oh, had you done a lot of thinking. Overthinking was pretty much all you’ve been doing the past two weeks.

You obviously are attracted to Harry. Physically, emotionally… just in every sense of the word. That’s nothing new for you. And even throughout the points of denial since forming a personal relationship with him. It’s the truth.

You’ve probably gaslit yourself out of it more times then you could count. However picture evidence of you holding hands with him in the homely streets of Italy is kind of a slap to the face.

And despite how cute you think the photos may be, you are still inexplicably panicked about them.

It’s the morning after the photos got posted. And you are genuinely still in shock. You struggled to fall asleep last night after the images first came out— your brain in complete overdrive for god knows how long until you fell asleep.

And this morning you’re ignoring the influx of messages and calls you’re getting from family, friends, and people you’ve met through love on tour.

Several texts from your own sister coming through half an hour ago. All of them including the word ‘fuck’. Shes definitely mad you didn’t tell her this had happened.

Either way, you’re left pacing the length of your hotel room. Heart still near racing in your chest as you try to figure out what to do, and how to handle something like this.

You held hands with him, you remind yourself. You didn’t get caught making out with him… the act for you came across as still something bordering platonic— even though you wished it were anything but that. This could eventually blow over.

You sigh out, leaning against the wall of your hotel, this was considerably more simple when the rest of the population had no idea it was happening.

Now they do, and they have a lot of questions. Plus, it makes it significantly harder when it’s about things you don’t even have answers to.

Harry hadn’t messaged you since everything had happened. If he even knows is beyond you.

But it felt wrong talking to anyone about it without talking to him first.

You felt a sense of guilt. Because this easily will stir up drama for him. Stuff like this spreads so fast, and you’ve seen it happen 100 times. But now you’re no longer in the back seat just watching it unfold. There will be articles, posts, even snippets in the newspapers about it. And whether or not it’s something he’s accustomed to, you still feel at fault. Like you could’ve been more careful, more considerate.

You move to sit on the edge of your unmade bed, staring at your phone that you’ve left on the bench top. How do you even approach it? What do you say to him?

You quickly decide you don’t really want to, at the moment. There is too much going through your head, and you’re still a bit freaked out about it all.

So another anxiety shower is. Which for right now, is your best and favourite option.

Standing up, you head to the bathroom, leaving your phone out in the room, allowing it to continue buzzing while you decide it’s time for some hardcore self-care to calm yourself down.

On the other side of things, Harry is also freaking out. He woke up to texts from a couple people, asking about a headline?

And for people he knows personally to be reaching out about trashy posts on the media, it’s almost always a bad sign.

One being from James, who has been off ‘The Late Late Show’ too long for him to withhold himself from making bad jokes when they present themselves.

Are they even allowed to put that many exclamation marks in the title? Overkill if you ask me. 😪😪

But when he reads the link and sees the image of himself with you, his anxiety immediately shifts from being personal.

[ 1 attachment link] : Styles Has Found His Next Musical Muse, But She’s Actually a ‘Hardcore Fangirl!!!’”

He’s almost positive you will have seen the leaked images. There is no way you would have missed this unless you were still sleeping.

Guilt nearly slaps him in the face. You do not deserve this. He already knows that you’re probably being slammed on Twitter and in comments of these pathetic articles.

And that is never nice. He hates it enough when it’s himself, and that’s after a decade of learning how to deal with it.

His concern for you leads to a text, one he doesn’t want to make, but does anyway. Purely for the fact he needs to know you’re alright.

Because the worst thing that could happen is you having some kind of anxiety attack after reading something online, and not having anyone there to be with you to talk you down. Regardless of how confident you can appear to him, he’s not taking the chance.

Hi love, can you please let me know you’re alright?

He sends it through, and then he typed out another one after it’s been about five long minutes without a reply.

I am very possibly overreacting right now, but do you need me to come over?

Another ten minutes go by,

I’ll be over in about 15. x

He is aware this may be over the top. You could be asleep. You could be just processing what’s happened— since he still remembers the first time things like this happened to him. And it’s a really weird experience.

But he is undeniably protective of you. That is one thing he can’t lie about.

And even more-so, he’s terrified this will scare you off. Because if it’s too much for you, he has no clue how he’d deal with it. Since it’s way too far out of his hands now.

Even though he knew well that this was a easily plausible situation. And it’s almost surprising how long they’ve gone without it happening earlier.

In his own time, he’s been overthinking plenty too. Wondering if it’s normal to want to lay your entire life down for someone two weeks after meeting them.

Maybe if he were 16… but pushing 30… it might be a bit harder to justify.

But somehow, despite knowing how stupid he probably seems, he leaves his bedroom after throwing on some shorts and a tshirt. Going out and grabbing the keys for his car from the kitchen.

Gemma is out there cooking toast, and she turns around to see him near running out the door.

“Harry!” She says, and when he stops to give her a quick greeting she interrupts him.

“Don’t worry so much.” She sighs.

Immediately confused, he frowns, frozen in place, “what…?”

“I’m assuming that this Y/N you’ve been on about really likes you too, okay? There’s no way she doesn’t. So just treat it like any other relationship or friendship you have. No matter the circumstances you met under. If you like her, you like her. Don’t let shit from the media get to either of you.”

Her advice comes just when he needs it, as it always does. And even though he acts like she doesn’t, she knows almost everything there is to know.

A small nod, “Thank you Gem…”

She gives him a warm smile, one that’s always encouraged him.

———

You hear the knock on the door while you’re standing in the bathroom, finishing applying a face mask. Stood clad in your shorts and black boob tube.

And after finally calming down a bit, it gives you another wave of panic. Since after waiting a few moments, the rapping on the door continues. You were hoping they would just go away, whoever it was.

You quietly leave your bathroom, going down the short hallway to look through the peephole in the door.

You don’t even get your eye up to it before you hear the all too familiar voice on the other side.

“Y/N, it’s Harry…” He was a bit muffled, but you didn’t even think as you start unlatching the locks on the door.

The look of relief on his face when you finally peek out is almost palpable.

“Hi…” you say quietly, pulling the door open further, letting him come in quickly.

He has two cups in his hands, and once he’s inside your room, he is fast to place them on the nearest free space.

“What are you—“ you don’t get through the sentence before he breaches the distance between you, tugging you into a hug, uncaring of the face mask residue getting on his shirt.

He squeezes you, “‘M so glad y’alright.”

You take a deep breath. So, he knows.

You feel immediately bad for not letting him know earlier, before he felt the need to come over.

“Did you call me? I’m so sorry, i was in the—”

“I texted you couple times— don’t be sorry. I don’t want it to seem weird I came rushing over… i was jus’ worried about you.”

You slowly draw back, “I was going to text you, I just didn’t want to… i didn’t know how to go about it, i guess?”

He pulls away, “I am so fuckin’ sorry this happened.”

“Why are you apologising? I should be…”

“Why should you apologise? You of all people do not deserve to be dissected by people in the media. Ive dragged you into something you didn’t deserve to be dragged into.” He says, sounding exasperated.

“You aren’t at fault for any of this, H. I feel like I’ve stirred up unnecessary drama up for you…” To this he immediately shakes his head.

“You haven’t. I was just worried about how you’d perceive it all… and fuck— i didn’t want it to scare you off.”

You both seem to realise that you were freaking out over each other. Starting to laugh together, realising how stupid you both probably sound.

“Okay… we sound really silly.” You sigh, moving to grab the cup he’d placed down prior to your very quick debrief.

“But seriously, Harry,” you lead him over to sit down on the edge of your bed with you, “I am still sorry. I feel like I’ve caused unnecessary… assumptions.”

He frowns a little, “assumptions?”

“About us. You know…” you shrug, eyes avoiding him, doing a terrible job at acting nonchalant.

“That we’re together? That what you’re so shy about, hm?” He teases, and you physically cannot handle the way he says it.

“I— well— Yes, sure that’s what I was going for.”

You gently scratch at the dried edges of your clay face mask, and he watches quietly, wishing he could see the blush that’s risen on your cheeks underneath it.

“Why were you showering so early— It’s like midday, I thought you said you showered in the evening?” He asks, out of the blue, causing you to frown.

Your answer comes out unsurely, “I have anxiety showers sometimes. It calms me down.”

He cocks his eyebrow, “Is that why you were literally dripping wet when i came over the other day?”

He pins you with his gaze, and you don’t reply for a few seconds. You were hoping he broke the silence himself, but it was clear he was waiting for a response.

You blurt out, “You make me nervous!”

To this he laughs, “I make you nervous?”

“Not… all the time.” You amend, “Just sometimes.”

You remove yourself before he can ask more questions, and you go to wash off the face mask in the bathroom, while he’s still stifling his laughter.

You emerge after washing it off with cold water, and his eyes follow your every step as you go to sit back down.

“Yknow, Y/N, if I didn’t know any better I’d—“

He’s cut off by a bang on the front door.

You were only scared for a second, until you heard a shrill feminine shout from outside it. One you know to be your best friends classic angry voice.

You were relieved for only about another second before you realised, she will probably break that door down if you don’t let her in.

Oh god.

“Y/N Y/L/N. LET. ME. IN!” You can picture her angry little face. And you’re almost a bit terrified of her.

But you have to hide Harry. Like you have to actually hide him.

“Harry— you— fuck, get up—” You whisper, trying to stay as quiet as possible, grabbing his wrist.

“What is happening?” He sounds awfully confused as you manhandle him around the hotel room, trying to find an adequate place to hide a 6 foot tall man from your fired up best friend.

“She may kill you— she loves you— but she’s very mad at me right now, because I didn’t tell her about,” you pause as you try to label again whatever the two of you were, “us… this… whatever you want to deem it.”

You realise the cupboard is about the only reasonable place, unless you make him climb down the balcony.

“Are you—“

“Y/N! i already KNOW you’re in there!” She calls from the door again.

You tug the door of it open, “Get in!”

You half push him inside it, “I’m so sorry, but just, just sh okay??”

He nods hastily, and you quite literally shut him in there.

“I’m coming!” You shove the takeaway cups into a kitchen cupboard and rush to the door.

Letting her in, she practically storms past you. And you pray to god you can get rid of her in a short period of time.

“I’m sorry!” You say to her, grabbing her hands.

“How could you not tell me something like that?!” She barks, shaking your arms like an angry child.

You do feel bad, because you would also be pissed if it were the other way around.

You try to explain, clutching her warm palms tighter, “To respect his privacy! I wanted to, so, so badly but I just… I didn’t want it getting out.”

She groans, pulling you in for a tight, yet still frustrated hug.

“But you know I wouldn’t have told anyone!”

“I do, i know. I’m sorry.” You embrace her, “but every time we were together there were other people… and I just hadn’t figured out how, let alone talked to him about it.”

She calms down a tiny bit, and sometimes the best way to describe her is like a miniature tornado. Her anger is very quick to bubble over and turn her into this fired up, yelling ball of energy. Yet it dissipates shortly after she lets it all out.

“Okay, well I get that, of course. But… wait are you two actually— have you slept with him?” You pull back from the hug and give her a shocked stare. Her ask stuns you for a moment.

You’re hyperaware that he is listening to this conversation.

What is he thinking right now— you can’t help but wonder. And you have to physically force yourself to push the thoughts that come with such a question aside.

“I— why would you ask me that!” You hiss at her, sounding guilty, even though you’re just throughly embarrassed.

“Because he's Harry Styles!” She exclaims, “who happens to be a very gorgeous man, and I would not be surprised if you wanted— I don't know— in his pants?”

“We are just friends!” You drag your hand down your face. Internally pleading that she stops saying embarrassing shit.

“Whatever you little liar. Acting like as if you haven't said on multiple occasions just how bad you wan—“

“OKAY!” You interrupt, trying to keep the frantic tone out of your voice, “I get it. I really do, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. But look, I have so many people I have to call and— i think my whole family also want me dead— so can we maybe get a coffee tomorrow? Talk it over, and you can ask all the questions you want.”

At your proposal, she seems to realise you mean it. And despite the confused look on her face at the fact you’re kicking her out to call what is basically her own adopted family, it seems she understands.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t wanna seem pushy. I was… just also in shock. Tomorrow at 10?” She smiles.

You start both walking over to the door, “that’s perfect.”

Tugging her into another hug, she huffs out an ‘I love you.’

You laugh and give her a chaste peck on the side of her head, “I love you too. I promise I wanted to tell you on my end. I just didn’t want to fuck anything up…”

She nods, pulling back, “I know. And if you need anything, or anyone before I see you tomorrow, don’t forget I’m only a few floors up.”

“I won’t.” You open the door for her, and bid a final goodbye. And once it’s shut, you realise how badly you want the ground beneath your feet to literally swallow you whole.

Despite the embarrassment, you quickly rush over to let Harry out of the cupboard you’d shoved him in.

And as he steps out, adorning a smirk and clearly stifling a laugh, you apologise profusely.

“God— I am so incredibly sorry.”

A proper abashed grin spreads across his face, one that flashes his dimples. Reminding you of the sign you took to the last show, telling him how pretty you thought his smile was. You still think the same.

“Kind of exciting hiding in a cupboard. I never even did it as a teenager.” He chuckles, brushing a few stray curls from his eyes.

“Do I look a little more youthful? As gorgeous as ever?” He teases.

“I am so sorry you had to hear all of that, she has a… she lacks a filter.” You excuse, cheeks flaming as you try to dig yourself out of the hole your best friend has unwittingly buried you in.

“That's okay love, but I am a little curious…”

You frown at his careful words.

He takes a step closer as he continues, “what so badly did you want to do to me that you told all your friends about?”

At this, you completely turn your face away from his green-eyed stare. Because you cannot trust yourself.

He doesn’t realise the dangerous game he’s playing with you right now. Especially while he’s standing in-front of you like this. Tattooed arms out, beautiful face and jawline on display.

“Y/N, darling. I asked a question.” His voice has turned to honey. He’s talking you in a way he never has before. With a tone that is almost demanding an answer, laced with a undertone of seduction.

“Stop it.” You hiss, flicking his solid chest with your hand.

He steps forward, and you step back in response. He backs you up all the way to the edge of your bed.

“Stop being a flirt.” You scoff, finally holding eye contact for more than a second.

His pupils have blown out a little, and the stare he’s giving you is something you want burned into the underside of your eyelids.

“Why? Is it working.” He chuckles, demeanour softening a tiny bit as his hand slides down your arm.

You don’t reply.

“Please tell me, Y/N. I want to know. Y’know I’m nosey.”

“Resorted to begging, I see.” You snort, heart still hammering behind your rib cage.

“If it works, I can do plenty of it.” He playfully remarks.

You try to not reply again, but you’re met with a silence. Somehow he knows you’re going to fill it with a fumbled half-confession.

“I don’t even really remember. I was probably tipsy on some wine. Said some stuff to… the girls. After a show.”

“After a show?” He smirks, “Which one?”

“Barcelona. And maybe back at… another. One or two others.”

“But that’s all I’m saying!” You interject, hoping he takes that as enough of an answer.

He laughs at your attempted defiance.

“Anyways, what even— what are you getting at here?” You ask, because truly, his flirting is heavily confusing you. In every way possible.

“Remember when you told me I had a the prettiest smile?” He lightly grazes your hip with his warm hand.

“I— yes. That was like, 2 weeks ago. What’s your point?” You are biting at your bottom lip.

“Don’t get feisty.” He coos, “Everytime I smile around you, I think of that. And then, I wonder what other things you think about me. What other parts you see of me and consider as pretty.”

“And, can you blame a man for wanting to know what dirty things you’ve said about him to y’friends?”

Jesus Christ. A part of you melts at his words. He is watching you like a hawk, gauging your every little reaction. But you’re clinging to any part of you that’s trying to keep this from heading in that direction. Even though you know it’s not because you don’t want to.

“We really shouldn’t… H.” You state, voice almost shaking with an unspoken need. One that you’re trying to keep from bursting through the seams.

“Why not, Y/N?” He asks, making it sound like a challenge. Causing him to be met with a quick jump in your voice.

You are pulling at every part of your strength right now to justify why this is a terrible idea.

“Because, Harry. I am a fucking fangirl for you. Not in a casual way either, like bordering a little bit insane! It’s horrifying, and very embarrassing! And this is a horrible idea, because I don’t think you understand the kind of—“ You don’t get to finish whatever you were about to say, because he kisses you. With his all.

It feels like he pours every once of his being into it. The way his smooth lips press into your own, fuelled by a heat that is felt in the very pit of your stomach. Your knees almost buckle at the sensation.

You grab his shoulder to stabilise yourself. And your lungs are already drawn of all their air.

In actuality, it mustn’t have lasted very long— maybe a couple seconds— before he pushes the back of your knees against the bed, forcing you to sit down.

He draws in a breath after you seperate, “I don’t care if you have photos of me on your fucking bedroom walls, baby.”

“Could not care less, look at you.” He leans down now, kissing over your lips again in separate, doting pecks, “y’so gorgeous, and genuine. I love that you love what I do.”

You’re in a bit of shock, looking up at him with widened eyes. Because obviously you’ve imagined kissing him before. Probably a thousand times. And that dream has somehow sprung to fruition.

How exactly? you’re still unsure.

“I— Harry.” You say, with no real purpose, clutching onto his broad shoulders.

The way you whine out his name drives him almost insane, and he drops down onto his knees between your spread legs. Giving him easier access to kiss your mouth.

His hands snake around your waist, and he lets his lips slot back over yours.

You loose yourself in the act, your own fingers skating up his back and into the hair at the nape of his neck.

It’s so fucking soft. And you use it to press his face closer to yours. He’s surprised when you’re the one to part your lips and dart your tongue out first.

Skating along his pink bottom lip as an invitation.

He accepts it happily, clutching at your waist while he lets his tongue dip into the heat of your mouth. You can’t help but groan at the sensation, and feel the warmth start to gather between your thighs.

He was kissing you like a starved man. And slowly everything you knew started slipping from the forefront of you mind. All you could feel and focus on was him.

How his muscly frame filled up your senses—and the area between your knees— paired with the glide of his tongue over your teeth.

—((sexual content from here and onwards))

His hands tracing over several parts of your body, even going to pull you closer with his hands cupping your bottom. Squeezing at the swell of your ass playfully.

You bite your teeth down onto his lip and drag it backwards, eliciting a moan from the back of his throat.

Your hips push forward, brushing the front of your shorts on his torso, causing his jaw to go lax.

The two of you seperate for air, panting, and his eyes veer south, looking at where you’re pressed against him.

“Fuckin’ Christ. Look at you, needy little thing.”

You bury your head into his neck, kissing along his sharp jawline. Unable to control your slowly circling hips.

“So, y’willing to share what it is you wanted to do to me yet? Given that you’re practically grinding on m’chest.”

You hum a maybe, and he lets out a deep laugh.

“After Barcelona,” You start, and he works to coax the answer out of you with his hands and lips.

“Mmhm…” he acknowledges, mouthing against your clavicle.

“You had looked so good that night… and I got a little tipsy after the show, back at our BNB.”

“You were in those low rise black pants, and that tiny cropped vest. And my god— i said to all the girls that if you were down, I would happily let you take me. Anyway you wanted.”

“Anyway?” His hoarse voice asks.

“Anyway. Fingers, tongue... cock.”

At the first mention of something genuinely sexual, he almost looses it. Envisioning your spread legs with his head pressed between them.

“But I didn’t just say that because I was tipsy. Or because of the outfit you wore.” You allude quietly.

He can’t wait another second before he’s pressing his already swollen lips back against yours. And hard.

“Want everything off you.” He fists at your boob-tube.

Your body is hotter than a thousand suns, and your need for him is literally tearing through you.

It’s clear this was your tipping point. There was no going back to something casual and platonic. The way your whole body ached to have him was unfathomable.

“Strip me.” You beg, arms lifting so he can tug the thin black material over your head, leaving your breasts in a strapless bra.

He runs his tongue over the exposed skin, hands sliding to the clasp at your back to get it off you.

He moans aloud once he sees you, briefly recalling the times his gaze has dipped to your cleavage in those little sundresses you wore while you were out together, and how he would always be wishing for a moment like this.

He laves his tongue over your nipple, before quickly occupying himself with the button of your shorts.

“These off too?” He confirms, voice gravelly with want.

Hastily, you nod, “Yes, all of it.”

Your sheer eagerness is turning him on even more. You always seemed a tiny bit reserved, so hearing you beg for your clothes to get torn off…

“Ass up,” he asks, watching as you lift it from the bed so he can tug the shorts from your waist and down your legs.

Left in nothing but your underwear, he slides his hand over your front to see how wet you were.

You moan as his fingers brush over your clothed-clit. And you notice now that your arousal has wet through your panties.

“Fucking hell. You realise you’re absolutely drenched, right baby?” He near moans, rubbing a gentle circle over the fabric.

“I—shit— I’m sorry, didn’t think I’d gotten so…” You’re almost a little embarrassed at the amount of arousal between your legs.

He hooks his fingers into the crotch of your underwear, peeling them down your thighs.

Your bare cunt had him almost light headed. You were genuinely glistening, and your slick had already spread to the hood of your clit.

“Darling don’t be sorry. Y’got the prettiest little pussy. Cant believe you’re this wet.”

“What did it for you, huh?” He asks finger running through you, eliciting a groan from both your throats.

In a pleasure-filled haze, you slur out a reply, “You. Just all of you.”

You squirm under his featherlight caress, and take a moment to watch him gaze at you. There is nothing but this look of admiration and desire in his eyes.

“Wanna see you, Harry.” You plea, tugging at the hem of his shirt.

He waits not a second to slip it over his head, and your hands immediately run down his torso. Staying quiet as he lets you indulge.

This is something you have thought of in a million different ways. His chest is built like that of a Greek gods, and his tattoos are an added bonus.

You feel the ridges of his abs under your fingertips, and you trace over the butterfly tattoo as well.

His breath flutters in and out of his nose. But using your hands doesn’t satiate you.

You need him on your tongue.

“Stand up.” You ask, and he doesn’t question you, he just obliges.

You keep him stood between your bare legs, but lean your neck inwards, tongue jutting out to run a solid strip up his stomach.

A rumble comes from him, akin to a growl as you move to of his pecs. Gliding your tongue over the hair-dusted flesh, and enveloping his own nipple into your mouth.

You’d never done this before, since sucking on a guys nipple is less of a commodity… but the reaction it works out of him is perfect.

The way he throws his head back, sharp jaw tilted to the celling, and hair falling from his forehead.

“Oh… oh god.”

You draw back, grabbing his shorts and pushing them down. Kissing both the laurels that sit atop his hips before cupping your hand over his bulge, covered by black Calvin Klein briefs.

“Can I take you out, please?”

“Such nice manners, good girl.”

Good girl. The words float around in your head, and something else inside of you comes undone.

Not sure if it was your self respect… or some other part of your morals. But you could go feral simply over those two words.

You bite down on your lip as you tug the briefs down, watching his cock slip up.

Lord.

You almost salivate. It’s perfect in every way you’d want it to be. A flushed red tip, dotted with beads of pre-cum. And of course it’s big.

For an already perfect man, it’s hard to believe you can strip him completely, and still not find a single flaw.

“Staring pretty hard… you a little intimated?”

“It’s big.” You state, hand coming to wrap around its thick base. “Want it in me.”

He leans down, picking you up by your thighs. You laugh in reaction, him manhandling you into the centre of your still unmade bed.

There was a sense of intimacy that was being shared as he pulled you forward, so you were straddling his hips.

Both of you leaned forward to lock lips, kissing feverishly as you touched over every inch of skin you could. Eventually, both of your hands falling between the others legs.

You stroked over him, and he careful slid his middle finger into you.

He worked you until you were near dripping down his hand, and were scraping your nails along his shoulders.

“Harry— need you…” you beg.

“Want me to take you right now?” He asks, cock throbbing in your hand.

“Yes. I can handle it. Promise. I’m clean and on birth control if you wanna go bare.”

“Only if you’re sure. I trust you.”

“I am… just want to feel you.” You plead.

“Need you to tell me how y’want it first, pretty.” He coos, curling his finger inside you.

You moan in response, and he slides it out shortly after so he regains your attention.

“I—“ you stutter, now feeling empty, “anyway you want, I said that earlier.”

“No, baby, how do you like it?” He asks again, smiling against your skin.

“Anything, hard or gentle, I’ll come either way. Look at you— as if I wouldn’t.”

He pulls your core to his, rubbing the tip against your slick hole, “Then tell me as we go how you’re doing, and what you want or need okay. Want you to feel really good, m’kay?”

You nod, and he starts to sink into you, already pulling a moan from your lips at the stretch.

He on the other hand struggles to hold himself together as your warm walls part for him.

“Fuck, fuck… you’re so tight, Y/N.” He groans, pulling you down nearly all the way— stopping before he reaches the base of his cock, taking a moment to adjust so he doesn’t come before he’s all the way in.

“Mm-“ you whine out, nails digging into the warm muscle on his back, “Harry…”

Once he’s composed himself, he lets your hips sink the down to the base of him. You both take a moment to feel it. Panting, because the heat and the connection you’re both sharing is only describable as euphoric.

“Y’okay?” He sighs out, clutching your waist with firm hands.

“Yes… so fuckin’ full.” You moan out, hole fluttering around his length.

He carefully draws his hips back, pulling out a little only to push it back in.

Just that small movement has you reeling. And you’re quick to realise that this is probably going to be the best sex you’ve ever fucking had.

“Look at that, your cunt swallowing me up. So fuckin’ hot.” He whispers, slowly starting to pick up the pace.

His fingers move to play with your clit, and he notices the reaction that courses through your body the second he rolls it between his fingers.

You buck your hips against him, and he brings his lips down to suck on the side of your breast.

“Mark me.” You encourage, wanting him to leave you with bruises from his mouth.

“Dirty thing,” he moans, fucking up into you, “so fucking wet too. All f’me isn’t it?”

The dirty talk causes you to clench around him, and he picks up on it.

“Jesus, you really are? Like when I say dirty stuff too, clearly.” He grunts.

“Yes, fuck! Please touch me.” You ask, needing to feel more of him, to the point it consumes your senses.

He touches you almost everywhere, with his hands, lips, tongue. All over your body until you genuinely can’t think of anything else.

It leaves your body shaking, and he can tell you’re not going to last much longer going by the clenching of your cunt.

“I’m gonna come if you keep squeezing around me like tha’.” He curses, keeping a fast pace with his hips as you feel the beginning of your high approaching.

It starts to bubble up in the pit of your stomach, “God— you’re so deep.”

“Yea, love? Feel me all the way up here?” He splayed his hand on your lower abdomen and you nod.

“Gonna come soon… please.” Your thighs are going weak from trying to hold your body up, and he notices, flipping you around so he’s on top of you.

The new angle has you biting down on your palm to try and stop yourself from crying out.

“Taking it so well. M’not far off either, baby.” He groans, his thrusts faltering as he bottoms out.

He pushes two fingers past your lips, allowing your tongue to swirl over them before he is removing them. Taking them down to rub over your swollen clit.

The added stimulation is what’s going to tip you over the edge.

“H—fuck—Harry! I’m gonna come!” You moan out, nails scraping down his bicep.

“Good fucking girl,” he prompts, fingers flicking over your clit, “let it all go for me, gush all over my cock.”

His words send you spiralling. And they’re the final push you need before your cunt clamps down around him with a loud moan tearing out of you.

“Fuckfuckfuck!” You’re writhing around him, and he curses at how tight you’re clenching him.

“That’s it, keep fucking going— ride it out on me.” He hisses, hips finally faltering as he feels his cock come inside of you.

Twitching between your warm walls as his stomach muscles contract and ripple with the intensity of his release.

He near buckles on top of you, his body weight pressing against you. And The two of you are panting, still shivering out slight aftershocks of your orgasms.

His forehead rests against yours, and you lean forward to brush a kiss against his parted lips.

Gently, he pulls himself out. A tiny hiss coming from his lips at the sensitivity.

He rolls over, bringing you to lay down on top of him. And you feel the partial heaving of his damp chest below you.

“Thank you…” You mumble out, sounding almost shy.

He picks up on it, “Don’t sound so nervous, darling. Y’were amazing.”

This brings a smile across your lips. It’s safe to assume that maybe things around you are complicated. But actually between the two of you, it’s anything but.

You like him, so much. So you just say it.

“I like you, Harry.”

And he affirms your statement with a kiss to your temple, and says quietly, “I like you too, Y/N. A lot.”

And this feels like an unspoken agreement that maybe the media is only going to get more riled up about the two of you as time goes on, but what you have is something genuinely worth fighting for.

Plus… they already know so, what’s the worse that could really happen now?

———

that was a long one!! hope you all loved it, and thank you so much for the support on this series. and don’t worry, you will definitely still be seeing more of them in the future. 🤍

taglist:

@harrystylesgirlie @purple9950 @teamspideyman @rociolunaa21 @spiritofbuddha @lemonhrry @deamus-liv @Iquvlly @kuntxrgraudunkelbunt @hsfanficsrecss @hsstylesrings @saturnheartz @victoriasigaard @lilfreakjez @mrsvxder @skxawngs @theekyliepage @hannah9921 @shiffpring @multifandomsw @roslastyles420 @slutforcoffein @kittenhere @stylesfever @butterfly-lover @daniizstyles @padf00ts-l0ver @sunflowervol18 @laurxn-robinson @kkr102 @superlegend216 @jerseygirlinca @cherrysulewski

+ all the anons who sent stuff to my submission box, thank you to you guys too, all my love

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destinyc1020 · 2 months

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Destiny I need your opinion 😭

I stopped being a timothee fan after he made that tasteless joke a few months ago (I was slowly losing interest in him anyways but that was the icing on the cake), and I don’t really care to see anything with him in it. Also, I’ve been VERY vocal about Palestine and the genocide going on is Gaza/Rafah, so I’m very much pro-Palestine. However, between my love for zendaya/florence (& lowkey infatuation with Austin) and all the flodaya press interviews/outfits, I’ve been interested in maybe giving dune 2 a chance. I’ve been seeing thousands of people for months on twitter saying they’re boycotting dune 2 given its appropriating nature and timothee’s lowkey zionistic antics, and I do agree those are valid points. But I’m starting to get an itch to get a dune 2 ticket 😭 internally I feel heavily conflicted and also kind of fraudulent because I’ve been a heavy boycott advocate but now I’m starting to reflect and questioning whether boycotting the movie is even the correct route. I know it’ll ultimately be up to me, but I’d love to hear your thoughts cause I’m fighting a battle with myself on this.

Hey Anon! 👋🏾

I almost feel like your ask is a "Confession Sunday" ask hahaha. 😅

There are a lot of conflicting emotions in this post of yours lol. 🤭

Anyway, I'll be honest, I'm very HESTITANT in even breaching this topic again because I really don't like discussing political issues on my blog. It can be very contentious, divisive, and get people very heated. Not only that, but I feel like no matter what side of the fence you sit on, I always end up getting attacked in my inbox by someone who passionately feels differently from me.

I can't speak on certain issues because I just don't feel comfortable enough with knowing both sides to weigh in on them. So, my disclaimer is that I'm not coming at your question with an "educated" or "well-rounded" political historical viewpoint. I'm just an average person. 🤷🏾‍♀️ I don't like conflict, and I don't like drama. I try to stay out of it as much as possible.

With that said...... TL;DL Version: Anon, you have my permission to watch this movie lol, or not. Basically, do whatever you want lol 😅

The LONG Version: Below 👇

My Honest Opinion?

Like I've said before, people are FREE to do whatever they want with regards to this "Dune: Part 2" movie (and ANY movie for that matter). What bothers one person might not bother another. Ykwim? I just feel like no matter what decision a person makes, they shouldn't be judged for it either way. It's THEIR choice.

Spare yourself the inner turmoil Anon lol. It's JUST a movie. It's not like it's a Governmental declaration, or a formal political statement. As much as Timothee was insensitive and messed up with that SNL skit.... I'm sorry, but he is NOT the only cast member in this film. Nor is he the only individual that worked on it (cast, crew, director, stunt people, etc) And if you have a genuine interest in, or are a fan of some of the OTHER cast members in the film (i.e. Zendaya, Florence, Austin, Rebecca, Christopher Walken, etc.) then why should the rest of the cast be punished just because of the stupid/silly insensitive actions of their ONE cast member?? 🥴

Is that really fair to the rest of the cast, crew, and others who worked tirelessly HARD on this movie? 🤔 I don't care for what Jonathan Majors did to his gf, but that doesn't mean that I'm personally never going to watch the movie "Creed 3" again. That movie was hard work, and Michael B. Jordan's directorial debut. It was a GOOD film. Why should Michael be punished just cuz his co-star is an a**hole?? 🥴

Another thing.... This movie is going to make BANK regardless of if you or others decide to see it or NOT. 👀

I think if the FILM itself were preaching anti-Palestine rhetoric, or it was a formal declaration of political views on the Gaza/Palestine and Israel conflict, then I think I would feel very differently about this film.

Another thing I wonder: Has Timmy himself come out and said that he is against Gaza/Palestine?? 🤔 (Serious question) Has he provided his stance on the conflict? His "Hamas" skit (which wasn't the entire joke btw) was insensitive, yes, but do we REALLY know his real stance on this issue? Or, did he just underestimate how insensitive that skit was (that he didn't even write btw)?

I also look at how the cast has treated him. The cast KNOWS him personally. If they really had an issue with him, we would know it. You can only hide your disgust for a person for so long....no matter if you're an "actor" or not. It will come out in small ways eventually (i.e. body language, little glances, facial expressions, etc). The fact that the cast seems not only fine with Timmy, but genuinely HAPPY with him is pretty telling to ME.

Like I said, they know him way better than we do. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Lastly, The film is being praised as one of the best films of all time (kind of a stretch if you ask me, but hey, WB loves this type of marketing lol).... It actually seems like it's going to be GOOD film. Are you going to skip it just because of one person? That's just a question for inner reflection. I could see if the movie SUCKED or is getting horrid reviews lol, but it actually seems like the film is being enjoyed tremendously by most people. Many are saying it's even better than Part 1. 👀

With all of that said.....

If it really bothers your conscience that you support Gaza but might want to see this movie that stars Timothee in the lead role, then just do whatever YOU feel is best for YOU Anon. 😊 Imo, nobody should judge you either way, and people online (who don't even know you personally btw) shouldn't have a say on YOUR life. But if it bothers you that deeply, then simply don't watch! It's just as simple as that lol. 😊 Nobody is forcing you to watch, just like nobody should be forcing you to NOT watch.

I'll be curious to see what decision you make Anon lol. You should come back here and tell us. Either way, you won't get any judgement on it from me. If it means anything, you have my "permission" Anon (not that you needed it lol) to go and watch this movie lol. 🤭 Like I said before, it's JUST a movie, it's JUST a piece of art. 🤷🏾‍♀️

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birdmenmanga · 5 months

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spent some time reading manga today, using the random button on mangadex as per the usual.

[Will These Words Reach You] first off was this cute yuri story about a woman who had quit her job and taken a vacation where she met another woman studying abroad and they get close despite the fact both of them can only use broken english to communicate (their first languages are japanese and spanish). very cute and sweet but is labeled as "doujin" for some reason even though it works very well as a stand-alone story and I can't find what it's a doujin of. It's a good light-hearted read (below left)

[Suuji de Sukuu! Jyakushou Kokka] then we had an isekai story about an aspiring mathematician becoming the princess's war consultant, which you would THINK is a strong premise; however the main girl's boobs are so fucking annoying and distracting that it was actively making my reading experience worse despite a reasonably strong plot. It's so clear that the author doesn't believe in the power of his subject matter or his writing or whatever that the panel compositions keep focusing on boobs. boobs. boobs. annoying as hell man why can't you just stay in your lane and talk about game theory. fuck off. I haven't watched no game no life in ages but I think the plot of this is more solid and the mathematics more coherent but the boobs just piss me off so bad. and I LIKE boobs too. that's how you know you've really flubbed it. still on the fence as to whether I'd recommend it. (above right)

[Zettai Unmei Houteishiki] we also had some old-looking yaoi (off the top of my head the artstyle looked maybe... late 90s or early 2000s? [note: checked it and it came out 2004. nailed the artstyle dating]) that was about 1 volume long; unmemorable, melodramatic, and overall not great. god what eve was the plot... okay son of a yakuza family who is high-school aged fell in love with this photographer guy years ago but the rest of his family (2 older siblings, also both guys) chased the photographer guy off behind his back and he's feeling wet and pathetic about this. not great. don't recommend.

[Café Kichijoji de] there was also a slice-of-life comedy about 5 guys working at a cafe. to me it just felt like a deeply underbaked version of hana-kimi's humor, and some of it was pretty mean-spirited too, like one of the guys being sad that only the "ugly" (masc and butch) girls wanted to text him. also do not recommend. (above right)

[Yaoguai Mingdan] and lastly there's a fantasy story about some college student who is suddenly surrounded by a lot of dangerous demons fighting over him. Seems like classic harem fare but it doesn't really bother me that much. Obviously also using sex as a bait to get people to read it, like suuji de sukuu up there but this at least is very forthcoming about "I need your semen and I am going to fuck you right now" instead of continually taking boob shots that are not remotely relevant to the plot at all. god, I'm just so mad at what they did to suuji de sukuu. as a person I'm just straight up more interested in statistics than I am about daoist demon mythology but maybe it's because of that I can appreciate yaoguai mingdan in a way I can't with suuji de sukuu like I'm not gonna be upset at the depictions in yaoguai mingdan because I don't know shit you know. also I grabbed the cover picture on mangadex but holy shit the artist's art gets way better lmao

I dunno. suuji de sukuu just felt more misogynistic as a story (which could have been fixed entirely if the main character had been a girl by the way), and while the author claims they love math it just comes off as insincere. like if you REALLY believe math is genuinely cool and is worth studying you wouldn't resort to low concepts like boob fanservice. read suugaku golden instead. yaoguai mingdan committed to the bit about sex hard and that's what I like about it. yeah!! the dryad is harvesting energy to get revenge on humans!! sure sure I can buy that. the bit about the love hotel the main character keeps getting dragged into against his will getting blown up time after time with the bill for repairs getting shoved on him because all the other supernatural parties are too busy duking it out in a secondary location? that's funny! that's really funny!! like it knows it's "low art" and accepts it and embraces it and there's something true and beautiful about that in the same way chainsaw man is. also the scanlation groups who have been working on yaoguai mingdan have been going THROUGH it I think I'm not even 70 chapters in and the scans have changed hands multiple times LMAO

#just thinking thoughts...#will these words reach you #suuji de sukuu! jyakushou kokka #zettai unmei houteishiki #cafe kichijoji de #yaoguai mingdan #suugaku golden

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mikkeneko · 2 years

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Mikke I’ve been following you since your TRC days and I love being in the same fandom as you again 🥰 What do you think it would be like if Fai and Wei Wuxian met?

It's lovely to run into old friends from old fandoms :D In some ways the internet is vast, in other ways it's a small world!

As for Fai and Wei Wuxian meeting... Well, a lot would depend on the circumstances in which they met!

Fai and Wei Wuxian are both friendly, outgoing, extroverted types, curious about the new and different, so there’s no reason to think they would not get along. If they were simply Meeting somewhere in a meta-neutral space -- say, if I wrote another edition of Never Gonna Tell A Lie with guest stars Fai and Wei Wuxian -- they would be friendly, they would go drinking together, and they would ultimately share no personal information because they’re both pretty reserved over the things that actually matter to them. They would part with each the impression of the other as an interesting stranger they met once and won’t ever see again.

Some depends on whether they have companions with them. Lan Wangji and Kurogane are alike in some ways, unlike in others; Lan Wangji is a very jealous man, which Kurogane is not particularly. So if Wei Wuxian and Fai start flirting (which they easily could, just for fun,) Lan Wangji might be upset, while Kurogane probably wouldn’t be upset unless Lan Wangji started showing hostility. A firm demonstration of boundaries (this one is mine, he likes to flirt but it’s not serious, there is no threat) would probably settle them both down.

Now, if they had some reason to be pushed together for events happening... that could be interesting. Why might they be meeting? One obvious possibility is that one of Sakura’s feathers has turned up in the Jianghu, somehow, and is causing locally-flavored ghost mysteries.

I think it would be fun for Wei Wuxian to be stymied by an Outside Context Problem. He’s a very smart man and very good at solving these sorts of mysteries, but a large part of that is that he knows all the lore and has a deep understanding of the mechanics that make ghosts go. He’s usually able to figure things out because he usually has a good sense of the possibilities. Bringing in a TRC feather, which operates by a different playbook, has the possibility to genuinely baffle him, because it’s something he could never have encountered before and there would be no records on. Although, he would probably be able to narrow down that it is the feather, the Outside Context Item, which is causing things to behave wrongly, even if he doesn’t understand what it is or why, without the TRC crew’s information to add.

So: let’s suppose that WWX and LWJ are out investigating a local mystery, maybe with the Juniors along (that could give Syaoran someone of his own age bracket to make friends with, a nice bonus.) They encounter a case which, for once, genuinely stumps them. Along the course of the investigation however they meet the TRC crew. The TRC crew can’t help but stand out, even if they get local clothes - Fai cannot pass for a local, even if Kurogane and Syaoran could make a stab at it.

WWX is instantly interested in investigating the new thing, and suspects (not without reason) that the appearance of these distinctive strangers and the appearance of a ghost case not playing by the usual rules are connected. So he would immediately want to approach them and make friends, but with an element of wariness -- he wants info but doesn’t want to give too much away, in case these strangers are the perpetrators. So expect a lot of very wordy fencing between Fai and Wei Wuxian as they both attempt to sound out the other without giving too much away in the process. Fai would be very interested in Wei Wuxian’s magic, at least in the sense of comparing it with his own, and I think WWX would be interested in Fai’s magic likewise - it seems to be runic/textually based to some degree, so overlap with Wei Wuxian’s talisman specialty.

Flirting ensues. Jealous LWJ and protective Kurogane ensue. Syaoran and Lan Sizhui have already exchanged Best Friends Forever bracelets and the Power of Youth And Friendship breaks through the protective seme haze and everybody settles in to solve the mystery. Something very sad (because ghosts) and yet heartwarming (because feather) and simultaneously very bizarre (because both) is going on, and with the combined knowledge of both teams they manage to: 1) solve the mystery 2) soothe the ghost into passing on and 3) retrieve the feather. The course of unraveling this and reclaiming the feather does require the TRC crew to reveal that they are from another world and their purpose in traveling to gather ‘em, without which I’m sure Wei Wuxian would want to keep the feather for study.

Task done, the TRC crew prepares to move on; Wei Wuxian and Fai make some long-distance talismans for Lan Sizhui and Syaoran so that they can remain pen pals. The end.

#the untamed #tsubasa reservoir chronicle #Crossovers

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palms-upturned · 2 years

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Sorry for the wall of text in your inbox but your last DE post got me thinking and like. We don’t get an absolute ton of info about what Kim was like before the events of the game but it feels to me that by the start of it he’s tried to mask any and all of his actual opinions and feelings behind a veneer of indifference/objectivity. (How successful he is is up for debate) and I definitely think that at the start of the game the only reason he tolerates Harry is because he’s expected to work with him. He brushes off your self-deprecation and ignores your faults because he wants to get the case done. If you’re doing a run where you’re an asshole he’ll still begrudgingly stick by you until the very end unless he’s physically taken out of the picture because he feels like that’s his job. However if you take the time to befriend him I think it does change. He starts to open up a bit more, it becomes less of “I have your back because this case and wider cop culture obligate me to” and more “I’ll stick by your side because I want to, because I care about you.” and for both of them it can become the most genuine connection to another person they’ve felt in a long time. Like don’t get me wrong I think you’re absolutely correct that the only reason this could happen in the first place, the reason you’re given that chance at all, is because at the start Kim feels like he has to tolerate you. But I do think (or at least like to think) that if you do go the route of having Harry start trying to be a better person, the city and its community impart itself and it’s love on both of them. There’s something there about how the friendship they foster is founded on and expanded through the genuine humanity they see in Martinaise over the course of the game. That the only reason they are able to have a genuine connection (that’s not just a sense of obligation) is because Martinaise is a city that’s been all but abandoned by the police state and doesn’t adhere to the status-quo they’re familiar with. It’s true that the post-game outcome is most likely tragic. That despite this being the case, they’re never able to recognize it and never break free of being cops. But I also think it’s interesting to explore other, more hopeful routes. I think this game can be extremely pessimistic, but there’s a fragile optimism it has woven in it’s core. And I like the idea that this relationship, only started out of a sense of obligation and adherence to the status quo, is also the very thing that drags them out of it. (I apologize if this reads as word salad I have a lot of thoughts and don’t know how accurately I’ve conveyed them here)

UR GOOD SJSHDJDH when it comes to DE all I have is word salad… but yeah, I agree w all this, that’s kind of what I was getting at abt how their friendship would never happen if Harry wasn’t a cop bc Kim wouldn’t be able to turn a blind eye to some of his… antics… whereas within the force it’s customary to do so, esp for someone like Harry who’s considered a “good cop.” If he weren’t a cop, he’d be considered as much of a public nuisance as Leslie and Burke, if not even worse than them 💀 And then there’s that moment of Kim admitting to Harry genuinely that he’s considering doing speed to improve his job performance like… jdxgsjcb man. Idk. Cops. 😔

I do think it’s good to explore hopeful routes for them to change, ig for me the thought that interests me more is less whether it’s possible and more what would it take for them to get there. The fact that the player doesn’t have an option to quit being a cop does not bode well (neither does the fact that one of the endings involves recruiting Cuno… eugh) but who knows, as someone else pointed out it’s implied that there’s massive upheaval just on the horizon and they’re not gonna be able to sit on the fence anymore for long.

The thing I keep thinking about is the quote from the mural, “TRUE LOVE IS POSSIBLE ONLY IN THE NEXT WORLD — FOR NEW PEOPLE, IT’S TOO LATE FOR US.” There is no true love in a police state bc all of our interactions with each other are warped by the need to cling to what little individual power we have to survive. (I think that’s exactly what Kim, for instance, is doing by being a police officer. He openly admits to being disenchanted by moralism and that it’s pure sentimentality to think that the RCM serves the people of Revachol and not the coalition, but still chooses to “believe in the RCM” because it’s all he’s got. It gives him a sense of power and control in a world that increasingly feels doomed and pointless to live in.) And that doesn’t change no matter who’s doing the policing.

Kim’s love for Harry/the player is still warped in a way by the fact that they’re both cops, and that that’s the only reason he was able to look past your drug habits and neurotype and genuinely connect with you as a person. The fact that his takeaway from being a juvie cop for 15 years was that kids like Cuno aren’t worth trying to deal with is just… damn. Doesn’t bode well. But I think that if Kim lets his experiences w Harry and the people of Martinaise expand his worldview and start to be able to conceptualize a “new world,” he could also choose to be a “new person,” same as how you can reinvent Harry and his politics (to an extent). The question ig is whether they would be able to accept that it truly is, to an extent, too late for them, and that they’re going to have to be okay with laying the groundwork for change that they probably won’t live to see. Kim has that line that’s like “The moralintern is a fact. I try not to have opinions on facts. Unless they change. But… I don’t think they will in our lifetime.” If he wants to be able to be a new person and experience the true love he glimpsed in Martinaise, he’s gonna have to stop resigning himself to the “facts” of life. I don’t think it’s impossible, esp with what’s implied to be right on the horizon, but I do think that the fact that the game tells you that the week in Martinaise wasn’t enough by itself is just… sadly real. 20 years, 6 kills, and a dead(?) partner is a whole lot of sunken cost.

But that’s kind of what I like about DE’s particular brand of fragile optimism tbh. The fact that it openly is saying “we are destroying the world and the ending feels like it’s right on the horizon, and that we’re never going to make it to the new world in our lifetime, if we ever make it at all. But we’ve still got something to fuel our infernal engines and push us to try anyway. Even when it’s too late, it’s never really too late. The new world starts in our imaginations, and imagination starts as hope, and hope starts as love.”

#asks #anon #disco elysium

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lost-words-left-unspoken · 4 months

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Before I say anything, this is literally just me having to scream into a void because it's really not fair and I have my mind set on things regarding the situation already but still.

So I'm fifteen and have a devestating crush on a nineteen year old, which while technically legal in our country just doesn't feel morally right to me. Thing is, he's exactly my type, flaws and all, and I know damn well no other girl wants him.

I've practically come to terms with the fact that nothing can happen here, but all of my friends that I confided in keep pushing into my face that it could work and have been absolute menaces. One of them even has it in her mind that she could totally matchmake us. I've tried to get them to stop due to how embarrassing they are being but they won't budge. For Heavens' sake, they take pictures of him while he's not looking, that makes me uncomfortable!

Thankfully, he leaves my life (hopefully for good) in a matter of five months but it still hurts so bad and throughout it all I just keep being so mad at timing because I get a genuine feeling that if we met later in our lives it could work and I wish so desperately that my friends would be mature enough to try and help me get over him. Unfortunately, fifteen year old girls are fifteen year old girls.

What I'm mostly on the fence about is whether or not I should send him a text explaining things, finishing this on my own terms, since so much of this situation is out of my hands. Again, the purpose would literally be just to get it off my chest and get rejected as clearly as possible so I can continue living and my friends can hopefully stop. Maybe tell him to block my friend on Snap for my own sanity too but that's a side thing.

I just want to cut him out of my life as painlessly as possible and I know ignoring him just won't work due to my friends. Thoughts and prayers?

The thing is that everything feels like the end of the world when you're young. It's not. Your life will go on and you'll move past it. Since you said you want to cut him out of your life as painlessly as possible, I wouldn't say confronting him and getting rejected is exactly as painless as possible. However, you also said you've come to terms with the fact that it won't be under those conditions, and while it could work out I would not encourage you to go for it in the first place, you're both at completely different stages in your life. You can have crushes on people without actually wanting to be with them, and since you're content with the situation I'd suggest you just let it be, there's no need to make a fool out of yourself because of something you already know just to prove a point to your friends. If they don't respect your boundaries, they're not the right kind of people to surround yourself with.

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clumsy-hood · 3 years

Text

obey me! demon brothers + realizing they’re in love with mc

prompt: the order in which the brothers would realize they are in love with mc (sooner → later).

word count: 1,277

a/n: i know i said this in an earlier post, but the goal going forward will be to (hopefully) post my writing—commissions included—on weekends. i have quite a few concepts and rough drafts sitting in my notes that i still need to finish writing and editing. so far, it’s just a matter of finding the time to actually do it. but if anyone has any prompt lists they want to throw my way too, i’m open to finding additional inspiration!

1 → Mammon

Outwardly, yes, it would take him a while to drop the instant denial front he constantly threw up whenever someone accused him of having feelings for you. But inside? He knew he wanted to spend as much time with you as he possibly could and shower you with gifts he’d try to save up for or earn. And if it was possible to get a matching gift, then he’d splurge a little extra because it meant something more connected you to one another and was a special thing shared between you—and ONLY you two. Hell, with your permission, he even left the occasional t-shirt or jacket in your room—and even secretly stashed his toothbrush in your bathroom due to passing out after too many late-night movie marathons. Sure, his brothers’ constant teasing annoyed him to no end, but even Mammon couldn’t deny he was greedy for your time. He loved you so soon and suddenly, wanting to hold your hand and never let you go.

2 → Asmo:

Without a doubt, Asmo knew he was attracted to you from the moment he laid eyes on you—although it wasn’t your physical beauty that snared him but rather the aura you exuded. Of course, the physical attraction was undeniable to him as well so he couldn’t help the showering of compliments that rained from his lips; he is, after all, the Avatar of Lust, and actions such as those were completely second nature to him. It started with the lingering touches, though, when he realized something was amiss this time. His skin warmed unnaturally wherever your brushed against his—even if for just a moment—and lingered on him throughout the day. It never truly hit him until he’d regularly seek out your company for seemingly platonic or romantic reasons—without desiring any future sexual gratification. Obviously, those thoughts occupied his mind and the flirting with you never ceased—unless you asked him to, of course—but after centuries of experiencing lust and adoration, love consumed his heart, and he merely wanted you to feel the same for him in return.

3 → Satan:

With all his knowledge of fictional romance in TV shows and books, Satan was convinced he would truly know a romantic love—if he were able to experience it—by the excitement and explosive emotions it carried. However, he was quick to discover it was quite the opposite with you: The rage he carefully concealed with polite smiles and intellect was blanketed in warmth and peace whenever you were around. It was a sudden shock to him, the first time he realized he wasn’t consumed with anger, and all because he was in your presence. The demon regularly sought your company, adoring your attention—whether it was listening to him discuss the plot twist in a mystery novel he was reading or showing you his favorite spots in Devildom he never shared with his brothers. He was never in denial about his emotions for you; all he knew was that a human saw kindness and good in him, and he wanted to prove—at least to himself—he was worthy of such good.

4 → Lucifer:

It wasn’t so much that Lucifer would ever be in denial of these feelings—once he’d realized he was in love with you, it was like every nerve was set on fire—but rather he was concerned hi emotions would compromise Diavolo’s goals. Every moment you spent laughing and smiling with his brothers rather than with him left the demon frustrated and hopelessly hollow believing he couldn’t keep you as close as he’d like. Even the slightest graze from you, however platonic or intentional, left the spot blazing from your touch. You were meant to drive him crazy in the worst possible ways and yet all the traits he wanted to despise were only found endearing. Your stubbornness, your kindness, and your curiosity—all attributes that should have maddened him to no end, he noticed, came from a place of love as well. The demon may struggle to consider a human to be his equal, but he’ll never question his love of your presence, your smile, your touch, your damn—well—everything. And as much as he wouldn’t want to jeopardize Diavolo’s plan, loving you makes him doubt every other thing.

5 → Belphie:

Even if his hatred towards human quickly faded upon the discoveries of Lilith and her connection to you, opening himself up to the idea of being in love with you was a genuinely jarring concept to him. Especially if you found it in yourself to forgive him for, you know, killing you, Belphie wanted to prove himself worthy of your forgiveness in the first place—even if he tended to be a little shithead going about it. Like most of the brothers, he was rather needy for your time and attention, but where they often showed you their favorite spots in Devildom, he sought quiet areas around the House of Lamentation where the two of you could be alone. Something about you was so soft and warm to him. Honestly, most of his dreams were filled with visions of your smile and laugh, your body pressed snuggly against his. Maybe he wasn’t the most forthcoming with his love, but he never shied away from telling you how much he wanted to live with only you and Beel forever. He’s a demon with some regrets—hurting you being at the top of the list—but being the reason for your smile eased the guilt bit by bit.

6 → Levi:

An overwhelming sense of confusion and denial would leave him on the fence for a long time until he’d come to terms with his feelings towards you. And honestly, you couldn’t really blame the demon—Levi’s main loves for years have been 2D characters so suddenly developing such strange emotions or an attraction to a real human would be damning to him. It couldn’t be helped, though. For all he had tried to push you away or disregard your norm opinions, he couldn’t help how giddy he’d get whenever you’d agree to watch a new anime with him or introduce him to a new idol band. He was wholeheartedly convinced you must clearly be doing this out of pity or something—no matter if your heart was truly in it or not—because even his brothers never seemed to give his interests the rapt attention you offered him. He could be alone in his room and only think of how it’d be better with you there; or how he wanted to keep you so close, your fragrance would linger on his clothes so it was as though you were always with him.

7 → Beel:

Unlike some his brothers shacking up in a state of denial, Beel took longer to realize he was in love with you simply because he could never put his feelings into words. He knew he enjoyed spending time with you—rooming with you while Belphie was “away” was one of the initial highlights of your first stay in Devildom—and he was one to admit he considered you family to him, caring for you as he does for his brothers. Except, it was different. Maybe because you weren’t his actual family but his chosen family? He was never sure for the longest time. And yet, you were the only one he offered any of his food to and went out of his way to invite you out for dinner—which, in his mind, was a completely normal and friendly thing. But it’d strike him down like a bolt of lightning, realizing all of these feelings, once you’d offered to make him human food, and boy was he a goner.

#obey me #obey me!#obey me! shall we date?#obey me headcanons #obey me hc #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me beel #obey me belphie #obey me imagine #obey me blurb #obey me drabble #clumsy-hood #my writing #commissions open

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slasherbastard · 3 years

Note

Brahms and

“I am damaged.”

(Gives me Heathers vibes lolol)

(gif credit: toloveakiwi)

Warnings: Angst. A lot of Angst, swearing, suicide mention Word count: 2112 Notes: I was this close to writing a bad ending with the manor burning down but I felt bad for Brahms in this one - ALSO if you read this before I edited the first paragraph I’m sorry for the confusion lmao

A fresh start was what you needed. You managed to get away from your family once you took a job across the country as an accountant but you got lost on what felt like a never ending road heading to the middle of nowhere. When you first discovered the Manor it was by accident. You’d been walking for who knows how long among roads surrounded by trees, scared you’d eventually end up trespassing onto someone’s property - but instead you found yourself outside big open gothic gates.

The sun was starting to set and you tried calling out to whoever might’ve been inside the house behind the black spiked fences for a good half hour before going against your morals and just going inside. That’s when you discovered a few odd things. You didn’t know whether to start on the fact that there was drying blood on the floor or the chalk-like substance beside it next to the broken glass belonging to the mirror on the wall, it was a lot to take in.

You assumed that whoever was in the house had decided to flee or maybe someone had broken in - not counting yourself - it was a bit much to think about considering the fact that you were tired as hell and just wanted to sleep. You saw some bunched up blankets and pillows on the couch just feet away from what looked like a legitimate crime scene and decided that sleeping would be a terrible idea, but you were so tired that once again your morals were abandoned as you passed out curled on the white couch cuddling up to the blanket.

That morning, you met the man in the porcelain mask.

You watched him with wide eyes and worried yourself with thoughts of him hurting you and the blood puddle from last night flashed like a ‘life before your eyes’ memory as you tried to imagine what this large figure could do to you - not sexually, although those thoughts were close behind. He got close and as much as the mask creeped you out and you prayed you were dreaming, he didn’t turn hostile, instead he just asked for your name in a high pitched child-like voice.

“Y-Y/N. I am so sorry if I intruded - do you live here? I was just getting ready to go if-”

“No. Stay.” Stay?

“I can explain, sir. I was just so tired and the gates were open and I just needed to-” You gripped your head as an ache hit, you couldn’t tell whether or not it was caused by your own rambling or if it was from the confusion of the events you’d witnessed and were witnessing.

The man - who you later found out was named Brahms - explained as little as you’d wanted. A doll and a list of rules, why? Who knows? Definitely not you, he just expected you to roll with it and so you did. You were a little scared of him so you decided to follow the rules if it meant keeping you alive.

Cut to a few weeks down the line. You’re still living in this gothic daydream of a house with a mysterious man who gave you Phantom of the Opera vibes, things were surprisingly going well for you. For example, you weren’t dead and as weird as it sounded, you and Brahms were now a thing.

Was it weird kissing porcelain lips rather than real ones? Yes. Was it weird falling asleep next to that face? Yes. Was it weird how he never took that damn mask off unless your eyes were covered? Yes. But you managed to deal with it.

When you said you wanted a fresh start this isn’t what you had in mind but weren’t really complaining at the same time. At last, you were happy. You always dreamed of living away from everyone in a cottage in the woods where your only responsibility was to bake bread and not worry about anything, and this was just as close as you were gonna get to that - a manor, where your only responsibility was to care for Brahms. He’s so mysterious, it makes you feel something that you couldn’t explain. But as weird and unexplainable as it truly was to you, you were still happy.

However, things started going sour after an incident that occurred after lunch one day. Brahms’ had woken up on the wrong side of the bed and he was constantly throwing tantrums over the smallest things. You’d just finished the dishes and Brahms was sulking around the dining room table shoving at the chairs and kicking the table legs every time he passed one.

You were growing sick of him and threw the dirty rag you were holding onto the counter and squawked at the older man. “Brahms! What is your problem?”

He stopped and looked up at you for a few seconds before a string of apologies fell out of your mouth, as genuine as they were they also seemed so shallow as you watched Brahms’ eyes. You weren’t standing close enough to see any twitches or expression in those eyes, but you did see what looked to be tears. It broke you.

That’s when Brahms started growing distant. Usually he loved being around you and lived and breathed you but now it just feels like the real Brahms is actually dead and haunting you. You thought It’d blow over in a few days - or in Brahms’ case, a few hours - but it didn’t. He continued to just linger like a ghost, you could feel him watching you but he’d never speak a word and if you tried to initiate a conversation with him he’d disappear.

He began spending more time in the walls and his side of the bed was now occupied by nothing, growing cold. His guilt from the other day was eating him alive and you weren’t actually sure if he’d been eating either since the meals you left him in the freezer stayed there. It worried you, but you couldn’t get through to him, which made you even more worried.

---

That night you heard a loud bang come from downstairs and quickly sat up, swinging your legs over your bed and onto the floor you pushed yourself up and ran for the bedroom door. You opened it then stopped before going back in to grab your phone, switching the phone’s light on then making your way downstairs as quickly as you could. Brahms was on the floor, the fridge was open, and the pot of spaghetti you made for dinner was now sprawled across the kitchen floor. Brahms looked up at you and you expected to see shame in his eyes, but they looked dead instead - Not as if he didn’t regret his mistake or that he didn’t care, but he just seemed dead inside.

You knelt down beside him and reached for him but before you could say his name he was up and running for the closest entrance to the walls. “BRAHMS!” You called after him but he didn’t stop, so you ran after him. Being in the walls for the first time was weird but all those feelings felt as if they were miles away while Brahms was racing through your mind even quicker, he seemed to be moving faster as if he were trying to get away from you. You continued calling after him until he turned a corner into his loft and stopped dead in the middle of the room. He didn’t turn to meet your eyes or talk, he just stood there with his back to you looking down at the floor.

You took a few seconds to watch him just in case he was planning on doing something but he didn’t, he just stood there. You tried to step forward and reach for him but your limbs stayed put, so you let out the breath you’d been holding in. “Brahms, please.” Your words were shaky as you tried not to cry. “I told you, I’m sorry for raising my voice at you. I didn’t-”

You stopped when Brahms slowly turned to you - a part of you was relieved that he’d finally stopped ignoring you - and said those three words. “I am damaged.”

Neither of you spoke as you tried to collect your words but you couldn’t find the right words. “What?”

“I am damaged.”

“No you’re not Brahms-”

“YES I AM!” He raised his voice and you took a few steps back, bumping into the wall. “I am a monster.”

You were very confused at this moment, you thought Brahms was mad at you for yelling at him but he was mad at himself? You took a step forward but he took a step back, purposefully trying to keep some distance between the two of you.

“I’m a monster.”

“Brahms you are not a monster. You are not damaged, you’re not bad.” You tried to convince him as he began rummaging through a box on the floor, you began biting down on your thumbnail softly as he picked up what looked to be a news article and shoved it into your chest with a slight bit of force.

You looked down and grabbed the newspaper as he went to let go and you began reading. “I killed her.”

You clicked your tongue as you tried to take in this new information, you were finally starting to realise why he held so much back from you, especially when it came to his past. Letting out a breath you looked up at the man. “This doesn’t change how I feel about you.” You were shocked by the words that came out of your mouth and shocked that you meant everything you’d said. You were standing right next to a murderer and you weren’t scared.

Without warning Brahms ripped off his mask before stepping up to you, just inches away from your face as he screamed “What about this! Huh? I am not who you fucking think I am! I am fucking dam-” He bit his lip and quickly turned around, putting the mask back on and trying to quieten his sobs. “Just go. Before I hurt you, too.” he said in a hushed, calmer voice that you almost didn’t hear.

“No.” Brahms turned to you, he was just as confused as you were. “What else have you done. What else are you hiding from me?” You weren’t angry, still a little upset, but not angry.

“You’ll leave me, just like they all did.”

“Brahms trust me, I’m not going anywhere. I’ve done bad things too.” You let out an awkward laugh in an attempt to try to lighten the mood but it clearly failed as you cleared your throat and tried to act like it didn’t happen. “Please. I just want you to be honest with me.”

He didn’t respond. Instead he took the mask off and wiped away the stray tears before they could fall. Brahms began to dive into his past, from the murder of his childhood friend to the most recent murder that took place the night you arrived. He answered all your questions and watched you, still worried you’d go against your promises and run but you didn’t. You just stood there and listened, you were glad he was finally being honest - in return you told him about your past and even though it wasn’t as gruesome as his he still listened. By the end of that conversation you felt closer to Brahms, it felt like a twisted version of couple’s therapy but it worked. Brahms was still very surprised at the fact that you stayed even after he admitted to his crimes, he felt a bit sympathetic for you even.

That night the two of you fell asleep next to each other, woke up together, ate breakfast together, it was the most inseparable the two of you had been in months. After last night you’d expected a bittersweet ending - you expected to be kicked out, even - but you were only closer to him, the strange man who once wore a mask of porcelain.

This is as good as your life is going to get, and you’re still happy.

#brahms heelshire #brahms heelshire angst #brahms heelshire x reader #the boy #the boy 2016 #angst #slasher #writing

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tiesthatbind-tf · 3 years

Note

Question for Optimus and Megatron! Do you ever see yourselves reconciling in the future? At this point do you even want to?

The jagged edges of badly-healed scars and lines of age on the man’s face were thrown into clear relief by the soft blue glow of tablet in his hands as he studied the question proposed to him carefully. Unblinkingly.

It was two in the morning on a sleepless night amid a quiet week, and after a short prayer session and paperwork, an odd sense of melancholy had begun to creep in.

The rare moments of peace brought with them clarity to his thoughts that weren’t focused on missions, briefings and strategic discussions, and that clarity was, at times, a double-edged sword.

“Back when we used to meet each other at Maccadam’s every weekend, he would bring along this notebook filled with poetry and paragraphs of his thoughts about the state of the world. It wasn’t something he openly shared—miners wrote books yes, but mostly concerning their line of work,” Optimus finally spoke up after almost ten minutes of deliberating what he was going to say, and whether he should say it.

“On the day he left the Newham police station after being arrested for suspicion of inciting a riot, after he was brutalized by a rogue guard I had hired a few months ago... I found it.”

He had left the oak desk that was groaning under a stack of files, folders and documents that only increased as the days passed, long strides taking him to the bookshelf at the end of the room where the works of Thomas Aquinas were nestled carefully next to Imam Al-Bukhari’s. One book, much smaller than the rest, seemed out of place there however, and this was the one he pulled out.

“On the sidewalk.”

It was a woebegone-looking notebook, weathered by time with the edges of some pages crimped up by water damage, though it was clear that care had been taken to preserve it: The covers were wrapped in plastic, and not a single silverfish was to be seen scuttling away as Optimus opened it only to show the initials ‘M.T’ scribbled at the lower right corner of the first page.

“I thought he had dropped it and wanted to give it back to him. And with it, I wanted to apologize for everything—for not being there when it happened, for it happening in my station under my jurisdiction, for failing the promise I made to him twenty-eight years ago that I wanted to join law enforcement to protect everyone, not just those the system decided deserved protection—-but by the time I arrived at the mining community he worked at… they told me he’d been sent to Messatine.”

He closed the book before any demand for more of its contents could arise. They weren’t his to divulge.

“So I held on to this notebook for the better part of a decade. I memorized the words——some of them, I recited in front of the Senate the day I decided I was done being a part of their system. I hoped he would come home one day so I could return it to him in person. And he did!”

There was the ghost of a smile that crossed his features, which quickly shifted to a perplexed frown.

“But when I tried to give him back what was his, he told me to keep it or burn it—-he didn’t care for it any more. No point dwelling in the past, especially one he had grown beyond, was what he said. I took his words at face value back then… but when I think about it now? I wonder if it wasn’t him trying to bury what remained of the person he was before the Pits, before Messatine, before the night at my station. Before everything.”

The guilt was heavy in his tone as he sank down to the floor and leaned against the bookshelf; broad shoulders sagging under the weight of an invisible mantle and eyes glazed over in a thousand-yard stare for a moment.

“Do I want to reconcile our differences? Yes. More than anything. Because the boy I traded books with, the friend I shared a table with, and the man who wrote these words that opened my eyes ? I believe that man is still alive and that man is worth saving.”

He closed his own eyes for a moment and when they opened once more, the focus in his gaze seemed to have returned.

“Do I think it will happen? InsyaAllah, perhaps, but I would not stake the world on that reconciliation.”

___________________________________________________

The temperature in the empty war room felt like it had dropped several degrees as the Decepticon leader glared at the seeming-innocuous question as though it had come for his neck personally. Adam’s apple bobbing in a rare show of uncertainty and trepidation, he closed his eyes, steepled his fingers and exhaled harshly.

“I don’t… hate the man, if that is where the trajectory of your question is heading. He was my best friend, one of the few I would have trusted with my life. More heart than sense, foolish and naive and stubborn, but kind. To a fault,” Megatron uttered after a few minutes, his lips a thin and terse line as he thought about the matter a little deeper.

Another spell of silence fell upon the hall as he stood up and muttered an annoyed ‘tch’ at the part of him that saw it fit to indulge the inquiry at all before picking out a book from the glass-cased shelf in the back of the room.

“That is not to say the urge doesn’t arise from time to time. But every time that voice whispers venom and spite whenever I hear his name? I remember this.”

It landed on his paperwork with a dull thump; a hard-cover edition of ‘Umar Ibn Al-Khattab: His life and times’ which was, from first glance, well-kept save some light tatters on the book jacket.

A closer look at the book jacket however would reveal several brown specks which resembled dried blood.

“Thirty-two years ago, the sheltered child of a professor and a journalist threw this book over the fence dividing redlined districts to a nobody who simply voiced a fascination for what he was reading. Without prompt. ‘It’s a gift’ he said. A gift for someone he had spoken to for all of ten minutes. A gift for a new friend.”

The warlord who was greying earlier than most sank back into his seat with his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling overhead.

“The nobody cherished it for approximately two days before the census team came by for an unannounced inspection, and lo behold they did find it, and the nobody was beaten within an inch of his life for the crime of possessing a book which wasn’t ‘approved’ for his class, and therefore could not belong to him.”

The scoffing disdain in his voice as he spoke of the abuse was replaced with a fierceness that would have made anyone listening take a step back, more so that his glare felt like it could burn right through the screen as he returned his attention to the person on the other end.

“But it did. Because it was a gift from a friend. And when that nobody became a rebel, and eventually a warlord who tore down the doors to the government’s archives for ‘Persons Of Interest’? He bled everybody in that basement like the stuck pigs they were until he found that little box with his name written on it, found this inside it, and then burned everything else to the ground.”

That would explain the drying blood on the cover of the book that he was now holding up, at the very least.

“This, and the books that were to come which that kind and foolish boy would toss over the fence, was when I realized how broken the system truly was, that I had to rely on this subterfuge for want of a better education. This was when I realized I wanted more than to live and die in the mines as my barcode dictated.”

The mounting anger in his tone seemed to suddenly cut off he opened his mouth only to close it swiftly, and when his tongue could finally form words again, they were noticeably softer than before.

“This was also when I realized that perhaps, I wasn’t alone in my outrage, in my boyhood fantasies for a better world. No one told that meddling idiot to make my fight his as well, but at eight-years-old, he decided he was going to do something about it to help me because he wanted to. And it’s hard to hate that earnestness.”

He closed his eyes for a moment before standing up with his hands clasped behind him, features obscured as he faced the wall with shoulders squared.

“Reconciliations are not out of the question. Truth be told, I do desire it. Whatever my past as a gladiator might have impressed upon you, believe me, I don’t enjoy the prospects of senselessy killing Autobots I have fought alongside for many years, back when we worked side by side against our common enemy. Terrible waste of genuinely good if not exceedingly foolish people, I would think.”

A curt professionalism had crept in now as he turned around and stroked his beard thoughtfully at the notion.

“However the matter should only be discussed after our movement’s primary objective has been achieved, and not a moment before. And if he and his merry men keep being an obstacle in my path?”

He smirked coldly.

“I can’t promise that the consequences won’t be dire.”

#Humanformers #MegOp #inbox #Ask A Character #tw: child harm

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sairenharia · 3 years

Text

Chloe Wanted A Sister

So I finally got to properly watch Sole Crusher and Queen Banana and here I am on my Chloe Thoughts(tm)

First off, is Zoe a good character? I’m on the fence. She isn’t annoying, I don’t hate her and want to burn her at the stake, but whether she is good depends greatly on her Actual Place In The Narrative. Or if they give her more of a personality that isn’t like a good number of other characters.

But she could be Incredibly Interesting.

The really interesting thing about Sole Crusher, however, is the fact Chloe Absolutely Wanted A Sister.

We know Chloe. We know how cruel she is. We know how she demeans and bullies people. The way she treated Zoe was incredibly different from how she’s treated literally everyone else in the series. The only one, literally the only one who came close, is how Chloe explained school to Adrien his first day!

Throughout Sole Crusher, Chloe was being WHAT SHE THOUGHT WAS NICE.

She was giving Zoe advice. She was telling her how to dominate and control. She told her how to get approval in the family (from their mother). She told her what was expected. She tells her what she should have and wear. When she brings Zoe to school, she tells EVERYONE to treat her well. She is absolutely delighted when Zoe is mean.

Was Chloe being a good person? No. Was Chloe being Exactly What She Thinks She Has To Be? Oh yes. And we know this, because Zoe was doing the exact same thing. Because that is an important thing to note, at no point does Zoe protest any of this to Chloe.

Zoe acts like a snobby brat for her mother and for Chloe. She demeans and insults people. She acts like Chloe and she does it without ever giving a hint that she is anything else.

The only time, literally the only time before the end that Chloe is hostile to Zoe, is when she sees Zoe on the phone with Marinette.

Marinette-charms-the-pants-off-everyone-including-her-mother-Dupain-Cheng.

Chloe more than likely had immediate flashbacks to that time her mother totally tore her down in public after showing approval for Marinette.

Chloe is only ever hostile to Zoe THIS ONE TIME. Every other time, she speaks of expectations. The same expectations Chloe is under. But she also tells Zoe what they all are. She is trying, from her perspective, to help Zoe. And when Zoe says she’s going to reject Marinette, Chloe immediately gives Zoe the ever important shoes.

Because unlike her mother, Chloe sees someone she wanted beside her REJECT Marinette. Choose CHLOE over MARINETTE.

She was so happy. Was she still being a terrible person? Yes. But she was happy.

And when she sees Zoe has been Akumatized, she seems genuinely confused and more than that, scared. Chloe rarely shows fear in the face of Akumas, but this time, she did. And I think part of it is because Chloe has NO IDEA WHY THIS HAPPENED. Usually she can at least see why an Akuma is after her, whether she admits it or not. But she can see where its coming from. This time, she didn’t.

We can see it when she tries to ‘talk down Zoe.’ She tells Zoe she’s not the one to step on, but others. They’re supposed to be alike. She thinks its just some misunderstanding, that she wants to do this to everyone, not just her.

Made all the more evident by the end. Chloe still thinks Zoe is going to reject Marinette. She is excited for it. She brought in her MOTHER. Which is an important detail. She wanted her mother to see it, to have a good time about it.

Chloe wanted AUDREY TO APPROVE OF ZOE. Chloe didn’t see Zoe as a threat for Audrey’s approval, and went out of her way to do something ‘nice’ for Zoe.

Only to see her eat the macarons. To see everyone hugging her and having a good time. And as far as Chloe knows?

Zoe is like her.

And her classmates hug her, love her.

And suddenly Zoe is no longer the sister she gets to have. She’s Chloe’s replacement. The one everyone loves.

And she doesn’t know why. And she never learns why because Zoe is choosing Marinette, choosing others, over her and she rejects her FIRST. Because she has to protect herself.

Further reinforced in Queen Banana. The class is doing something that gets attention, so yes, she wants the attention. But when she gets there, there’s her sister being the star. She demands that spot, because Zoe is just her REPLACEMENT, after all. So she should have the spot.

But still, people are choosing Zoe, saying Zoe is better, and Chloe still doesn’t understand why. She doesn’t know who Zoe really is because whenever Chloe is around, Zoe shuts down. Chloe DOES NOT KNOW who Zoe is. As far as she knows, Zoe is still like her.

She was a brat for the film, but then the film happens with Zoe in the lead, her replacement, and everyone else is talking about how its better. Even her father is. And she leaves, hurting, confused, and Adrien comes after her, threatening to leave and Chloe can’t deal with that at the moment.

Because she’s already being a replacement and she rejects Adrien cold and runs away.

The last time we saw her curled up like that, it was in Despair Bear, where she didn’t know what to do, and Zombizou, where she was afraid and feeling in the way.

She’s Akumatized, and when she comes to, there’s another Bee.

She’s replaced again.

She’s still mad. She demands Zoe go away, but her father is telling her no when he never tells her no.

And Zoe comes up, and talks about loving Chloe and she’s so shocked at hearing those words. She doesn’t know what to do with them, but she’s so far gone now, she’s terrified. Then Zoe talks about a gift from their mother and she looks confused even more and she demands it because at this point, all Chloe HAS is Sabrina and her mother in her eyes.

Adrien chose everyone else over her.

Zoe was chosen by everyone else over her and she chose Marinette over her.

Ladybug chose another Bee.

And Chloe Does Not Understand Why.

Because what Chloe wanted was a sister. It didn’t matter if Zoe might have very well been the reason her mother went too New York. Audrey said Zoe’s name right on the first try. It didn’t matter that Zoe was only her half sister.

Chloe WANTED her as her sister. She just needed expectations to be meant and as far as Chloe knew, Zoe did. Zoe was playing the same role Chloe was. She doesn’t know Zoe’s tragic story, doesn’t know she’s nice.

But her classmates chose her.

Zoe could be LIKE HER, but still be loved.

She has to be wondering just what’s wrong with her when someone like her is accepted?

And the sad thing is, I think Zoe is a lot like Chloe. We know Zoe used to act. Change who she was to be what people wanted. We know she knows how to be for Audrey. And when she stopped, she got roaches in her locker. Why would she get roaches?

She was either such an incredible doormat, people hated when she stopped doing what she wanted....

Or she was so mean that when she stopped, people saw it as a lie or a chance for revenge. Because turning sweet doesn’t make it so you only have one friend unless whatever you did before burned a lot of bridges.

I think Zoe was a mean girl. I think she dominated and controlled and she hated it, but she did it. Until she got sick and tired and then people finally stopped being afraid and hit her back. So she left because she had already burned everything at her boarding school.

Zoe used to be like Chloe. A girl who was cruel because it was expected, because it was what you thought you had to do, to survive. Because it was what Audrey demanded. And she could only stop after Audrey left and it turned bad.

So she goes to Paris and hopes maybe she could connect with her family and that would be enough and it wasn’t, not anymore, not when she had to be fake.

The advantage is, Zoe is an actor. She knows how to be sweet and kind.

And now she has a whole bunch of new friends to help support her.

And Chloe is now under more of her mother’s influence then ever.

Tried to be good and was denied for reasons she doesn’t understand.

And slowly crashing and burning even harder.

And there’s not going to be anyone to catch her because she thinks she’s replaced by a sister who didn’t want her and she’d rather burn the world around her then let it hurt her.

#chloe bourgeois #zoe lee #miraculous ladybug #ml-spoilers #miraculous ladybug spoilers

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gumnut-logic · 3 years

Text

Fabio Blue Nose

Aaaargh, this was supposed to be a short, but it has demanded to be longer and I’ve run out of time. I did not want another WIP!

But anyway, here be Fabio Blue Nose, or a start of some kind at least. I hope you enjoy this random fluff so far.

Many thanks to @tsarinatorment and @janetm74 for their support.

It should also be noted that no sea shanties were harmed in the creation of this fic. Nor are their any sea shanties in it, despite there being an urge to add one.

Aaaargh, it is 12.45am. I gotta go sleep, damnit.

-o-o-o-

The first time was an accident.

None of the brothers owned up to it but chances were it was Gordon, no matter how many times he swore complete innocence.

Though, come to think of it, Scott was rather more compliant than expected, so Virgil threw a little unspoken suspicion his way as well.

But anyway, it happened and it was a good thing.

There was always press at rescues that they could reach. Scott was fully aware of the importance of the media, particularly where communication and, to a certain extent, promotions were concerned. But when they got in the way of a rescue, the commander was well known to be intolerant.

This particular time, however, the press was managed by the GDF who were also onsite due to the scale of the disaster and possible sabotage, so International Rescue didn’t have to worry about them so much while they dug fifty miners out of a kilometre deep hole.

All but John were on the rescue. All but John were dirty, sweaty and ever so tired. There had been a chunk of rock that had needed demolition charges to get through, causing enough headache that even Virgil had been heard to spit profanity over comms when one of the charges misfired and nearly took his head off with shrapnel in the tunnel.

Eleven of the fifty men didn’t make it and there was some body recovery after the far too many trips it took to get them all back to the surface. In short, it had been an ugly, hard day. All the Tracys just wanted to go home and disappear into whatever distraction worked best for them.

Scott had to liaise with the GDF regarding red tape and reporting circumstances in the mine...that they should probably go down and see for themselves instead of relying on a civilian rescue organisation to do their dirty work for them. But whatever the reason, Virgil, Gordon and Alan were left to pack up and wait while all the dots and crosses were applied to appropriate Ts and Is.

It took longer than expected.

Virgil, sporting an aching shoulder, was reduced to pacing the length of Two’s open hatch. He should just take his brothers home and leave Scott to tackle the GDF.

But Scott was just as tired as they were and he had only just returned from another rescue when this callout came in. His big brother was exhausted and Virgil feared that if he left him behind they might end up a few GDF personnel short before the sun went down.

And the press were watching.

It was probably at this point the photo was taken.

It was iconic, even Virgil had to admit it. Emotive and made a statement about who they were and what they did.

The shot was from a forty-five degree angle, using a zoom lens that caught every detail of Two’s open module. Virgil stood in the middle of the ramp, paused mid-pace and staring off at something, probably Scott, in the distance. The shadow of Two in the evening light had his head in shadow, adding a heroic seriousness to his expression.

That alone was dramatic, but behind him from the camera angle, sitting on the top of the ramp to one side of the open hatch were Gordon and Alan.

Gordon had his arm around his little brother as they both stared in the same direction as Virgil. All three brothers were grimy and exhausted, Alan’s head was resting on Gordon’s shoulder.

It must have been an extraordinary lens to capture the detail because the media were fenced off a considerable distance away, but there was enough clarity to see one tear track in the dust on Alan’s face.

Their littlest brother claimed he had scratched his cheek, but they all knew better.

So, yes, this photo was taken and thrown across the planet as an illustration of three heroes of International Rescue.

There were rave reviews. Whole swaths of text praising everything their organisation did, what had been achieved that day and what had been achieved in the past. Inevitably, the history of International Rescue did the rounds again, their father’s legacy and all that. An unfortunate reminder of both the parents they had lost in the process. Being proud didn’t negate the pain that came along with it.

But due to the quirkiness of human attention, none of the above was the source of the impact the photo finally had.

It wasn’t Thunderbird Two or any of the three brothers photographed that captured most of the public’s attention.

It was a teddy bear.

Virgil kept a number of cuddly toys on Two. Some he had knitted himself, or purchased, a few were donated, but all were kept and given to children and occasionally adults, who were terrified during a rescue or evacuation and found themselves secured in Two’s module.

Perhaps the bear had fallen out of its storage, perhaps one of the brothers had shoved it aside. Whatever had happened, in the iconic photograph of three hardworking Tracy brothers, right at the back, inside the module sat a dark grey teddy bear with a blue nose and shiny eyes that caught the setting sun.

Staring right at the camera.

And the world went nuts for this bear.

It took less than a day for the fame of the teddy bear to become enough to alert Thunderbird Five and, in turn, roust Virgil out of bed - it’s lunchtime, Virgil, time enough to wake up.

Virgil’s answer to that was clear, precise and rated for adults only.

John triggered the coffee maker in the kitchen to start working its magic before his brother busted up something other than the English language.

Eventually, Virgil made it down to Two and dug out the bear responsible.

It was still sitting on top of the storage locker, which added kudos to Virgil’s flying skill.

He was going to shove it back into the locker when John asked him not to. Apparently, the bear had a following on social media.

So, Virgil picked it up and took it back up to the comms room. He placed it beside him at their father’s desk and pulled up a search screen and typed in ‘bear’ and ‘International Rescue’. He could, of course, ask John to forward him whatever his brother had obviously found, but he didn’t.

The search results that sprung up made it very clear that the world was most definitely obsessed with that bear.

There were zoomed in pictures of the inside of the module – a fact that had Virgil a little worried regarding security until he realised that anything that could possibly be compromised was just that little bit blurred. No doubt that was Eos at work. Probably snared the original photo before it could perpetuate.

But even then it was obvious that the posters had no interest in the technology. Several photos had the bear circled in red.

Various comments attempted to give reasons as to why the bear was there. The explanations were rather fantastical in the majority. A few were actually disturbing and linked Alan’s tear track to the bear – Virgil threw that bit of information at Thunderbird Five and that line of thought suddenly disappeared from the results. Some suggested the photograph was posed, a few mentioned that Thunderbird Two did carry such things and that was followed by a wave of genuine thanks and admiration for what they did…and then completely ignored when more fascinating ideas were presented.

Virgil was quite frankly amazed at what people could concoct from a photograph of a bear.

Said bear sat and stared at him the entire time. Its nose was very blue.

But ultimately the outcome that had occurred somewhere between all four brothers making it home last night and the time John dragged Virgil out of bed, Fabio Blue Nose had become a mascot for International Rescue.

Yes, ‘Fabio’.

Some inspired person had mentioned ‘F.A.B.’ as IR’s callsign and it went downhill from there.

Fabio stared at Virgil almost accusingly. His curly fur was a shade darker than Scott’s baldric and his eyes as golden as Gordon’s. His blue nose shone in the sunlight.

They had a teddy bear with a fan base, fan art and a dash of fan fiction.

Virgil caught his own name in one of them and shut it down so fast the browser crashed.

It didn’t help that an hour later Gordon found the same story and promptly paraded it around the villa for all to see and hear whether they wanted to or not. Apparently, because Virgil was the pilot of Thunderbird Two, Fabio was his crewmate.

A very heroic crewmate at that.

Could a teddy bear really rappel down a grapple like that?

He shook his head and threw a lounge cushion at his brother’s head. He really didn’t need to know.

But in any case, they now had a mascot that wasn’t Alan.

Gordon was hit in the head again for that assessment.

So, Fabio found his way to being sat on Two’s dash and accompanying them out on rescues.

The second photo was more than they had ever expected.

-o-o-o-

TBC?

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds fanfiction #thunderbirds #Virgil Tracy #fabio blue nose #Gordon Tracy #I don't know what the hell I was thinking

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gaemkyuu · 3 years

Text

Loved.

Warnings: Mentions of an abusive boyfriend (Not Charlie) A/N: This is a personal piece of something I went through. Not all the details disclosed on this piece happened to me, but they have happened to people I love. Something we connected on was that one person came into our lives and became the light that we needed to get out of our situation. Charlie isn’t meant to portray the image of a false hero, but rather a light and a starting point. A second chapter will be made.

If you or someone you love is suffering from abuse, you are not alone. We hear you, we love you and we can help you. Reach out of the dark. Step into your greatness. Stand Tall.

Disclaimer: This is a FICITONAL writing piece! In no way do I claim characters in this piece act this way in real life.

Masterlist *now taking requests ;)

Loved.

Kaia paused to take a sip of water. Carrying around boxes and furniture was proving to be difficult with the hot LA sun. She was used to super sunny days with a cool breeze or rainy cloudy days up in Vancouver. Moving countries hadn’t been easy, what with the paperwork and everything, but here she was. Starting a life in LA, the city where people come to make their dreams happen.

“How you doin’?” the girl jump at the sound of a male voice and turned to see a very good looking guy leaning on her fence. His beautiful eyes and contagious smile caused her to smile back at him. He seemed genuine and something deep inside told her he was good.

“I’m hoping you’re the person that lives beside me, otherwise I may have to call the cops” the male chuckled at her response and shook his head.

“Welcome to the neighbourhood. Me and my roommates live right beside you. Are you new to LA?” Kaia knew she shouldn’t get caught chatting away with the male, but she didn’t want him to get the wrong impression. She knew that bad neighbours could make your life a living hell, plus being new to the country meant that she had no friends. Might as well start somewhere right?

“New to the country actually, I’m from Vancouver” Judging by the way his eyes grew to the size of saucers, she assumed that he might be a fellow Canadian too. It would be nice to have someone who understands the culture shock as a friend. “Parles-tu francais?” she sheepishly asked.

“Oui! J’suis de Dieppe!” Kaia let out a big laugh. She very rarely heard that dialect of french and it felt funny to her ears. She blushed when she realized how hard she was laughing.

“Sorry! I wasn’t laughing at you or anything. I’ve rarely heard an Acadien speak french and it sounds a little funny to me” she scratched her neck in slight embarrassment. The male seemed to bite his lip and she couldn’t help but notice the twinkle in his eyes, confirming that he wasn’t offended. “So what brought you here?”

“I’m an actor. What about you?”

“I moved down here with my boyfriend, he’s actually a local” she saw a small look of disappointment cross his unusually bright features, but as quickly as it came, it was gone. She could hear her boyfriend’s voice growing louder as he approached the entrance of the house. “Do you live by yourself? Or?”

“I live with my roommates, all of whom are girls with boyfriends” she giggled at his predicament but found it interesting.

“Too much estrogen I take it?” he rolled his eyes in confirmation and she laughed again at his reaction.

“Like you wouldn’t believe. But they’re pretty awesome, so I can’t complain” he opened his mouth to say something else, but was interrupted at a booming voice. She continued to chat with the man about the neighbourhood and life in LA in general. It felt nice to Kaia that someone was also weirded out by all the fake grass lawns and garbage on the streets. The conversation was flowing naturally and she was very engaged that she didn’t notice another person in the house growing impatient.

“Kaia!” She quickly turned around to her boyfriend, who was motioning her over. He looked irritated and upset, something she wasn’t looking forward to dealing with. She opened her mouth to explain herself as her new neighbour waved, but he interrupted her. “Let’s go!”

“Sorry, the heat’s making him a little grumpy. Thank you for welcoming us to the neighbourhood. It was really nice chatting with you” she smiled as her boyfriend marched back into the house. “I’m Kaia by the way, but you can call me Kai”

“Charlie. Charlie Gillespie. It was nice to meet you Kai, pass the welcome on to your boyfriend from us. See you around?” she smiled softly and waved goodbye as he made his way over to the front door. When he was out of sight, she took a deep breath preparing herself for the inevitable conversation with her boyfriend.

Who’s that? You’ve been flirting for half an hour. I wasn’t flirting. He’s our neighbour. Don’t lie to me, Kaia. I’m not. Listen, I moved you down here to be with me. Last time I checked, I moved down to start my career. Don’t. Sass. Me. Kaia. I’m sorry. Remember. You’re here because I let you. Don’t forget that.

The next time Kaia saw Charlie was a few weeks later. Her boyfriend and her had a big argument, so she was de-stressing the only way she knew how, making music. She was sure that at some point, someone in the neighbourhood would make a noise complaint, but right now, she could care less. She filled track after tracking, replaying what she had already made and what she had added. Kaia often poured her soul into her music, something she felt was therapeutic.

It had always been Kaia’s dream to move down to LA and pursue a music career. So when she finished her music program in Vancouver, she began working full time around the city doing odd jobs and mixing jobs wherever she could. She had saved up enough money to make the move, when she had met her boyfriend. He was playing a live set at a bar she was bartending for and the two hit it off right away. Soon, the two began to collaborate with music and Kaia found herself producing and mixing his demos.

Sure, their relationship was a little bit of a rollercoaster, but in Kaia’s mind, that wasn’t strange. She had seen her parents experience similar things with one another. He struggled to pay rent along with his tuition fees for his music program, but Kaia didn’t mind paying for it. Being an American citizen in Canada made it difficult at times to find employment and at the beginning he was super grateful. That’s how they fell into a rhythm on Kaia working to support the both of them while doing what she loved.

When her boyfriend’s Visa expired, she knew this was her chance to move down to LA. Her parents weren’t thrilled with the two of them moving in together, but they had already been a couple for 2 years. In Kaia’s mind, it was the next step in their relationship. She also assured her parents that if anything happened, that she had enough money saved up to support herself on her own for a few months.

“Sick beats!” she jumped at the voice, turning around to see Charlie fist bumping into her garage. Immediately, she turned down the music and smiled. “I didn’t know you were into music too! This is really good!”

“Think so? I haven’t made anything from scratch in a long time” Kaia blushed when Charlie’s jaw dropped at her confession. “I’m actually struggling with this track if I’m being honest”

“May I?” she moved over letting Charlie take control and play around with things. The two then began a very in depth conversation about music and finding the sound of the track she was working on. However, Kaia came to learn that as passionate Charlie was about music, he was also very goofy. The two playfully argued as to whether Charlie was correct about incorporating a xylophone or bongos into the track. He was a self proclaimed EDM expert and enthusiast, which caused Kaia to question his instrument choices. They sat there for who knows how long, eventually trading rhythms on different instruments, Kaia on the piano and Charlie on the guitar. “You’re really good at this Kai”

“I normally produce music that my boyfriend writes” she scratch her neck in embarrassment. “The move had us so busy that I’m a little rusty”

“What? If this is what you’re “rusty” is, then I’m excited to see your polished work!” Kaia smiled and stood there awkwardly, not fully knowing how to accept his compliment. “Kai, you should really give your music a chance”

“I’ll think about it” she smiled. “Say, was there a reason why you bursted into my garage?” It was now Charlie’s turn to blush and Kaia giggled in return.

“Oh yeah, I was going to invite you and your boyfriend for a barbeque tomorrow evening. Think you’d like to come?” he wiggled his eyebrows making Kaia laugh.

“We’ve got plans. Thanks” both were startled at the introduction of a new voice. Kaia’s boyfriend stood at the garage door entrance, arms crossed and unimpressed.

“Ty, this is Charlie, our neighbour. Charlie, this is Tyler, my boyfriend” Kaia quickly made her way to her boyfriend, explaining the situation.

“Nice to meet you man” Charlie smiled and extended his hand, but Tyler just looked at it until Charlie took it back. He muttered a soft ‘okay then’ and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I just wanted to invite you and Kai over for dinner tomorrow night. My roommates would love to meet you guys”

“It’s Kaia, and thanks but no thanks. Like I said, we have plans” Kaia stood silently beside her boyfriend, fidgeting with her sleeve. She held one arm across her body and was squeezing her other arm, but cleared her throat to break the tension.

“Thanks for the visit. I’ll see you around Charlie” this time Kaia’s smile was a genuine one, but by the look on Charlie’s face, she knew he was growing suspicious. She was grateful that he didn’t push the topic, but she knew that his hesitation wouldn’t go unnoticed by her boyfriend.

What is it with you and this guy? We were just collaborating on mixing. You mix for me Kaia. Don’t let someone take advantage of you. He wasn’t taking advantage of me. He was helping me. Helping? It sounds like shit. You better get your head in the game for my next EP. ... Babe, you know I only want you to be the best right? I know. I love you. ... I love you too.

If another person screamed at her today, Kaia was sure that she would lose it. She felt exhausted and overworked. Living in LA was proving to be pricey and she was the only one who was able to find work between the two of them. Between working two jobs and producing late into the evenings, Kaia felt like she was reaching her limit.

“Good evening! Can I start you guys with something to drink?” Kaia fished for her notepad and pen in her apron, fiddling around for a moment.

“Kai?” she recognized the voice immediately and finally found her things. Charlie sat at the table she was waiting along with two other people.

“I’m beginning to think you’re stalking me Charlie” she joked, smoothing out her hair and uniform. She suddenly felt more aware and conscious of her appearance.

“Sounds like Charlie” the female interrupted, earning a shove from the male. The blonde across from Charlie stifled a chuckle at the interaction. “I’m Hannah, I live with Charlie”

“And this is Owen” he introduced and Kaia gave a kind smile back. “I didn’t know you worked here! I thought you worked at the Starbucks?” she noticed Owen and Hannah give each other a look about Charlie’s observation.

“Yeah, I work at Starbucks in the morning and here in the evenings” she blew a strand of hair out of her face. “Not all of us make a living off of Netflix contracts” she winked. “What can I get you guys?”

The playful banter continued on through the night and Kaia continued to wait their table, along with the many other tables she had. Kaia got to know Owen and Hannah pretty well that night and genuinely enjoyed their company. Since moving to LA, she had been working so much that she hadn’t even made friends in the three months she had been there. So naturally, after her shift, she sat down with their table and got them free dessert just to hang out. They were having such a good time that she lost track time.

“Hey Kaia! Your boyfriend’s calling” Kaia paled at the closing manager’s announcement and she politely excused herself from the table, telling the manager she’d take the call in the office. As Kaia sat in the office, quiet tears streamed down her face as her boyfriend chastised her over the phone. Her closing manager comforted her quietly, knowing the intricacies of her situation. Once Kaia was sure she was composed, she returned to her table of friends, surprised that they still waited around for her.

“Thanks for the company tonight! I’ll see you guys around?” The looks they gave each other didn’t go unnoticed by Kaia. However, they didn’t say anything and bid her farewell.

“Hey Kaia?” she paused and turned around, a soft smile on her face, and Charlie standing at the edge of his table. “You know you can talk to me right?” Kaia bit her lip, hesitant for her next move. She took a deep breath, trying to suppress the tears that were surfacing.

“I’m just tired is all” but a tear slipped down her face, which she quickly wiped away. Charlie pulled her in for a hug and Kaia melted into it. She couldn’t remember feeling this warmth for a long time and quite frankly, she felt at peace. The flickering of the car lights in the parking lot pulled her attention from the comfort of Charlie’s arms. “I have to go” she whispered and left, not bearing to look at Charlie and the rest.

I don’t like him. Don’t hang around him anymore. He’s my only friend here. Then make a new one. How? Between working two jobs and mixing your music, I have no time. Don’t pin this on me. Stop whining and figure it out. ... I’m just protecting you. He’ll take advantage of you. ... Now who’s my girl? I am. And who’s everything that you’ll ever need. ... Kaia. You are. Don’t forget that.

“That’ll be $4.95”

“I’ll pay. Could you add on a donut too? Thanks”

The next time Kaia saw Charlie was a few weeks after the diner incident. Kaia didn’t actually see Charlie, but rather Charlie saw Kaia and couldn’t pass up the chance to talk to her. Judging by his outfit, she assumed that he was on his usual morning run. She felt nervous about him appearing from nowhere and offering to buy her coffee, especially since the last time they talked it was awkward.

“You didn’t have to do that Charlie.” she smiled and thanked him with her eyes. She fiddled with her zip up collar and hair.

“It’s nothing. Wanna grab a table? Maybe in a more secluded and private area?” she nodded thinking that his specificity in seating had to do with the recent release of a Netflix show he starred on that was gaining popularity. So she settled for a table tucked away in the corner of the shop. Charlie followed along soon after with her coffee and his donut.

“Thanks again. How was your run?” Charlie shrugged as he took a bite of his donut.

“Same as always, except this time I get to see you” Kaia blushed at his beautiful smile. He was good looking and from their exchanges, she had gotten to know he was genuinely a good guy. “You like to hike?”

She couldn’t understand what it was, but Charlie had a way of making her feel comfortable and safe. As they chatted about the many hiking places and how often Charlie went, Kaia could see the excitement in his eyes. Their conversation naturally divulged into hobbies and things they had been up to. The two laughed and chatted, both of them wishing that they could stay in each other’s company. It was exactly what she needed.

“I haven’t been hearing you mix lately. The neighbourhood sounds quiet”

“Nothing I’ve come up with sounds good” she stated sheepishly, flushed at the fact that Charlie had noticed.

“Oh come on, I’m sure you’re being hard on yourself. You’re extremely talented, and I’m not saying that just to be nice or anything!” Charlie leaned in as he said this, and Kaia could tell that he truly meant what he was saying.

“No, it’s always garbage when I try to mix on my own” Charlie frowned at this much to Kaia’s dismay, and he sat back in his seat, looking slightly annoyed. Kaia felt her pulse quicken, feeling like she had disappointed him in some way.

“Is that what he tells you?” Kaia was about to drink her coffee, but that comment caught her off guard. She tensed, knowing where this conversation could go and where she didn’t want it to go. “I’m sorry, I just...”

“It’s okay. You don’t need to say anything” she assured him, setting her cup down and a small awkward silence filling the empty space. “I get that you care Charlie, but everything’s fine”.

“You don’t have to lie to me Kai” she avoided his gaze knowing that he would see right through her when she melted under his stare. “Look, I know it’s none of my business, but if what I think is happening, is happening, then you need to leave” she bit her lip again, stopping herself from confessing the truth to Charlie.

“Nothing’s happening Charlie. We’ve just been going through a rough patch. I’m fine, really” she hoped to god that she sounded convincing enough for Charlie to drop the topic. Nervous for his response, she glanced down at her phone and noticed the 15 missed calls. To add, they had been sitting in that coffee shop chatting for 2 hours. Kaia always came to Tyler’s defence, as Charlie wasn’t the first one to voice his concerns. Tyler was sweet and loving, but he often got jealous or irritated. However, it was always emphasized that Kaia crossed the lines that triggered Tyler and that he never acted irrationally.

“Thanks for the chat Charlie.” She smiled at him, taking the last sip of the liquid in her cup. “It was nice getting to know you more”. She could see Charlie hesitate, knowing he didn’t want the conversation to end. She secretly wanted the same thing as his, but she felt guilty for feeling this way.

In their various exchanges and in their conversation today, Kaia felt more and more attracted to Charlie. He was so kind and always interested in the person he was talking to. He empathized and expressed compassion in a way that Kaia had never experienced before. If she wasn’t with Tyler, she could see herself with Charlie and that made her feel horrible. She tried over and over again to convince herself that Charlie was nothing but a friend, when really she wanted more. Tyler loved her and only wanted the best for her, yet here she was wishing Charlie was in Tyler’s place instead.

“You don’t have to be with someone that makes you feel the way you do” Charlie held Kaia’s hand across the table. “I know you might feel like you’re trapped, but you don’t have to be. You have a way out” Kaia quickly wiped away the tear that escaped her eyes, but Charlie wiped away the second one. The two sat in silence as Kaia quietly let a few more tears escape, but it was only a matter of time that Kaia would find herself in Charlie’s arms crying steadily, but still silently, until there was nothing left. When Kaia was sure she was done, Charlie pulled away to give her an encouraging smile and squeezed her arm.

That’s when Kaia kissed him.

In her mind, it all happened so fast. One moment, she was trying to protect Tyler, the next moment she was wishing Tyler was Charlie. That’s what led her to kiss him and Charlie to kiss her back. The two pulled apart, speechless and slightly out of breath, but Kaia didn’t stay long enough to get a response. She quickly grabbed her things and left Charlie to rush out after her. She kept walking despite his calls after her.

That kiss confirmed what Kaia had been trying to deny for a long time now. It confirmed that she didn’t want to be with Tyler anymore. It confirmed that she hadn’t wanted to be with him for a long time. She hasn’t loved him for a long time and it took someone else to help her realize there was love outside of Tyler. However, leaving Tyler wouldn’t be so easy. She tried many times, but there was always a reason as to why she never left. Unfortunately, that reason as of late had been fear.

“Kai! Kaia! Would you just stop for a second?!” Charlie chased after her, ignoring the various stares that were casted their way. A car pulled up beside her on the street and she paused to get in. Kaia looked back at him regretfully, tears falling from her eyes again, before opening the door and being pulled in. Charlie was left on the side of the street, left wondering what the hell he had gotten himself into.

You’re so stupid, why can’t you think? I’m sorry. Yeah, well sorry isn’t good enough! What did I tell you about him?! I’m sorry. Is that all you can say?! Tyler, stop, you’re hurting me. I’m hurting you?! What about what you’re doing to me?! You’re so selfish Kaia. ... This is what I get for everything that I’ve given you?! ...I’m sorry. Just shut up.

Kaia quit her jobs the next day at Tyler’s request. His reasoning was that Kaia couldn’t be trusted outside of the house, so it would be better for her to pick up some work from home jobs. It didn’t help that he had found a printed bank statement with information about how much Kaia had in her savings, something he didn’t hesitate to use against her.

If she was being honest, she felt absolutely awful and was quietly thankful that she was able to quit her jobs. It meant that she didn’t have to leave home, something that she was hoping for more and more. Kaia was riddled with guilt that deep down, she saw Charlie as more than a friend and that she kissed him, despite being in a relationship with Tyler. She reasoned that she was being unfaithful to Tyler, especially after everything he did for her back in Vancouver. Sure, she handled the financials, but Tyler showed her a whole new world that she never dreamed of getting access to. He introduced her to Canadian producers and artists, got her more involved in the music scene and he loved her. Tyler was her first everything! First kiss, first boyfriend, first time... He loved her. She was sure of it.

Or was she?

“She’ll have a water and a margherita pizza and I’ll have the tuscan with a coke” Kaia felt him squeeze her arm and she did her best not to flinch. He had insisted that he sat beside her whenever they dined out so that he could be closer to her, but his rough advances were uncomfortable, especially with the bruises. She sat there in silence staring off to space as they sat on the outdoor patio.

He had been lashing out more lately and sometimes Kaia got in the way. He didn’t target her for his aggression, it was rather that she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. She didn’t dare tell a single soul. Not her friends back home, not her family, no one. That would prompt them to check on her more and more, something that she really didn’t want. She wanted to be left alone. Tyler had grown obsessive of knowing what she was doing at every moment. He held her phone from her and everywhere he went, she came along too. She was rarely left home alone. Had Tyler become toxic? Yes.

Had he been toxic for a while? Well...

In truth, Kaia wanted to break things off a few months into their dating, but he’d always find a way to convince her otherwise. At some point, Kaia stopped questioning his off behaviour or quips and accepted it as that was who he was. She convinced herself that at his core the Tyler she fell for was still there and that right now he had all the reasons to be the way he was. Life as a musician was stressful, especially when you hadn’t made it into the industry.

Kaia was pulled out of her thoughts as the waitress placed their orders down in front of them. Immediately, Tyler began portioning out her serving on her plate as she quietly sipped on her water.

“Can you look any more miserable Kaia? Jesus” he scoffed, shoving her serving in front of her. “If you’re going to be this miserable out and about, I might as well leave you at home” she ate her slice in silence, not entertaining his comments, knowing that whatever she said would be used against her anyways. His phone began vibrating and he sighed, seemingly conflicted. “I gotta take this inside because it’s too loud out here. Don’t leave until I come back” Kaia nodded softly continuing to chew on her slice, as he stepped away from the table, out of sight. Her heart began to race when she noticed he left her phone behind.

This is it. This is your chance out Kaia. Don’t think. Just do it.

She snatched the phone and quickly pin dropped her location with the word ‘HELP’, to the one person she knew she could count on. Quickly, she deleted the text and put her phone back, not wanting to be caught near it. She prayed that he would see her text and she prayed that he would be able to help her. As she watched her boyfriend return to the table, she felt her stomach knot and the pizza she consumed rise in her throat.

“Eat your food or people are going to think I’m making you starve or some shit” he scoffed sitting down beside her and continuing to eat. He didn’t notice anything.

“I’m not hungry anymore” she smiled at him, slightly pushing her plate away. He pushed it back to her.

“I don’t care. I don’t want people thinking I’m treating you poorly” she stiffly grabbed her half eaten slice and when she was nearly done, he put another one on her plate. In the distance, she saw the familiar orange subaru parallel park. Her heart rate increased.

“Thank you. Was that phone call good news?” Kaia knew that the number one thing Tyler liked was talking about himself and his accomplishment. She turned to face him more and tried her best to look really engaged in the conversation, despite her sweaty palms and pounding heart. She was grateful that his back was facing the inside of the restaurant and he turned to face her too, telling her about the exec who was interested in meeting him and listening to his work. She nodded and replied appropriately, but she couldn’t tell you what more he said. Kaia was too focused on the scene in the restaurant unfolding. She watched as Charlie walked in and explained the situation to the hostess who then called over what looked like the manager. The three of them stood in discussion as a police officer entered the restaurant as well, pointing to their table. Her stomach sank as she watched the officer and Charlie leave, but she did her best to keep her eyes focused, only looking at the background when he went for a bite or a drink.

The waitress made her way over and asked how their meal was or if there was anything that she could get for them. Kaia shook her head no and Tyler did as well, but she dropped off napkins, tapping them lightly and looking at Kaia directly. She took it as a sign that the napkins had something important, so she intentionally took a messy bite of pizza, to wipe her face. Too bad Tyler got to the napkin first. Wiping his mouth, he noticed a smudge mark of ink on the napkin and Kaia immediately knew she was done for. His face changed in an instant and he glared at her, throwing cash onto the table.

“Get up.”

“But I’m not done-”

“I said, Get. Up.” Kaia did as she was told and Tyler grabbed her arm, not caring at who was staring. She started to walk, but it wasn’t good enough for Tyler as he forced her to his side. “You think you’re so smart? Tipping off the waitress like you’re some prisoner”

“I didn’t-”

“Shut up. You little liar. I’m not hurting you. I’m not forcing you to be here. You can leave, but you don’t because you know that you’re nothing without me” he hissed into her ear as they made their way to the entrance, but the officer stopped them midway. “Can I help you, officer?”

“I just need to ask you some questions outside. Ma’am I’m going to have to ask you to wait inside with the manager” the officer was stern and surely Tyler would comply, but he proved different.

“I don’t feel comfortable leaving my girlfriend by herself,” he added, pulling her close.

“Tyler, just do as he says” she winced at the grip he had on her arm, glaring at her.

“Sir, you need to come with me. Ma’am, I’m going to need you to step away from him” Kaia complied but Tyler didn’t, and soon she began to fight him off, struggling for her freedom all the while the police officer was trying to deescalate the situation. She finally slapped him across the face and he splashed a glass of water that was sitting on a table in her face, then throwing the glass at her. The police officer restrained him immediately and dragged him outside, while Kaia was left in the restaurant wet and a bruise starting to form on her cheek bone.

Was this it? Was it over?

She felt a soft warm cloth envelop her shoulders and she was handed a dish rag to try to dry off, but she was still in shock. She was moved to a less populated area of the restaurant, away from any clients and was sat down at a table. That’s when Charlie came running back in. As he rushed over to where she was sitting, she felt her own legs start to move quickly towards him, falling into his embrace. Charlie held her close, comforting her by whispering soothing words into her ears. He moved them to the table she was originally at and sat beside her, holding her while her tears fell and even after. He held her while another police officer approached them to update them on Tyler. He held her as they took down her statement and gave her directions as to what she would do next.

“Here is the address to the temporary apartment we will have you stay in. Do you have a vehicle or need transportation” Kaia read the address on the paper, but before she could speak up, Charlie did.

“Kai, I can drive you if you want. I can even help you get things that you need from your place” he smiled gently at her and cautiously, knowing that she was still in shock and overwhelmed.

“You’ll have a police escort on the premise if you would like to return home to grab a few things” Kaia looked at Charlie searching his eyes for some sort of sign that he was as hurtful as Tyler.

“I’ll let him drive me back and forth, thank you.” her voice sounded slightly croaky, probably from her crying. The officer notified them that she could give them 10 minutes before they had to leave. They would follow Charlie’s car to her house and escort her around to grab what she needed. From there, she would be followed to her temporary residence, until the courts could come to a conclusion about her situation. As the officer stepped away, Kaia took a deep breath and let out a big sigh.

“Thank you Charlie”

“I should be thanking you. What you did was hard, but it was the right thing to do. I’m always here for you, however you need me” He kissed her hand that he held and pulled her in for another hug. For the first time, in a long time, Kaia felt something she didn’t know she was missing.

Loved.

A/N: Look out for part 2!

#charlie gillespie #charlie gillespie imagines #charlie gillespie x reader #charlie gillespie fanfiction #fanfiction #imagine #imagines

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walkerwords · 3 years

Text

“The Savior Sessions” Part 31 of 33 - Negan x GN!Reader

IMAGE CREDIT: AMC

SERIES MASTERLIST

Summary: Negan seals a deal, Daryl asks questions, Carol provides the answers and forgiveness is asked of the reader.

Word Count: 6506

Warning: Swearing, Violence, Blood

Song I Wrote To: “A Little Forgiveness” by The Rescues

Note: Quick little thing: As I am not continuing this past “Certain Doom” a lot of the Eugene/Princess stuff isn’t really a thing in this series. Also, with Michonne not on some quest to find her hubby, it is a bit different. With only two parts left, I want to start wrapping up a few things. The next part is going to be very much focused on conversation and then the big showdown in the finale! ALL OFFICIAL DIALOG IS PROPERTY OF AMC AND SKYBOUND

-----------

J.D. Salinger once said, “And I can't be running back and forth forever between grief and high delight.”

Salinger had the right idea, you thought as you lay in the middle of your floor, staring at the ceiling.

You and the rest of the group had arrived back in Alexandria early in the afternoon and you had immediately shut yourself away in your house.

There was more work to be done. There were bodies to be buried and you knew you should have been helping with the preparations, but all you could do was lay there and stare at the damn marble.

When you had returned to the group after confronting Negan, nobody spoke to you and you refused to speak to them. Not even Lydia could get you to talk, and while you knew you were being cold, you didn’t know what to tell them.

There was a part of you that felt such rage for the man that had faced you in that old shed. Nothing about the way he looked told you that he was your Negan. There were too many shades of his old self and it was terrifying, but not because you were scared of him, but because you were scared for him.

Negan had worked so hard to not be the man that had stepped out of that RV nearly a decade ago only to end up back behind enemy lines. When Daryl had told you that Negan was with her, you didn’t want to believe it, you couldn’t, but there was that small voice in the back of your head that was telling you that perhaps you had known for a while.

You had searched for weeks and never even found a trace of him. Thinking about that night when the leaders of Alexandria were debating on what to do with him, you never blamed him for needing an out. Now, you just only wondered why he thought Alpha was his only choice.

“What am I missing?” you asked to the empty room as you rolled the marble between your fingers. You began to think back to everything that had happened since that night and one moment stuck out.

The day that you and Enid had been hunting Walkers together.

You were almost positive that someone had been watching you. It was the day Beta had attacked you in Alexandria. You had thought that it was a Whisperer scout, but what if it had been Negan? Now it was only a matter of why he was doing it. Negan wasn’t one to take orders, but if Alpha had asked him to watch you, would he have?

You didn’t know what the nature of their relationship was. Hell, you didn’t even know if she even tolerated him. However, considering he was still breathing in her presence, you figured it was one that held at least mutual respect.

Then there was the baseball bat.

You had no idea where he had even found another one. Just by looking at his new weapon you knew it wasn’t the original. Lucille 2.0 was a different bat, but to you, it still meant the same thing. You had accepted that she would always have a hold on him, but seeing him hold the thing that he connected his wife to hurt more than you had ever imagined.

“There’s a reason,” you whispered. “You were right, there is a reason. He wouldn’t have given you the damn marble if there wasn’t.” Pausing, you sat up and frowned. “And now I’m talking to myself...again.”

Groaning, you squeezed your eyes shut as you tried to stop your thoughts from racing. It was as if there was an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. Except they were both Negan and one wore a Whisperer mask and the other didn’t. You wanted to reach out and talk to your family about it, but you had no idea where to begin.

For all you knew, Negan had just given you the marble as a diversion. He could just be playing with you. However, as you began to think back on the conversation you had had with him, something felt off and it was only after a few seconds that you realized what it was. He had never directly answered any of your questions. This also could have been a diversion, but you knew him better than that.

“He was trying not to lie to me,” you realized. Jumping to your feet, you ran from your room. “Lydia!” you called, searching for her, but there wasn’t an answer. “Lydia!” you tried again but were still met with silence. Opening your front door, you scanned for her.

“(Y/N)?” Rosita asked as she noticed you.

“You seen Lydia?” you asked.

“Daryl didn’t tell you?” Rosita said.

“Tell me what?” you asked.

“Lydia’s gone,” Rosita said. “She went looking for Negan after Daryl told her that he was with her mother.”

“She went alone?” you asked, suddenly very worried.

“She’s been out there alone before, what’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is that I think Negan is planning something,” you said. “Something big.” Rosita furrowed her brow and then gestured into her house.

“Tell me everything.”

————-

Negan could feel his heart racing as he walked with Alpha through the trees.

That morning, he had been nervous, but determined. The day before, he had begun to think that there would be another way to do what Carol had tasked him with. Negan thought that perhaps he could kill Beta as well or even both of them at once.

He thought about doing a lot of things. Until you had ambushed him and he heard how hurt you had sounded. Now, he couldn’t take it anymore. He had to kill her and he had to do it now.

His final plan was in motion and it helped to know that Alpha was feeling rather victorious after the battle at Hilltop. Her guard was done and after he had helped block the survivors from leaving Hilltop, she trusted him. There was a part of him that was dreading what he was about to do.

No matter who it was, killing someone always had consequences. Alpha was the biggest gun he had gone up against. Rick had been difficult, but that man had had a soul. Negan wasn’t even sure if Alpha knew how to be human, let alone a decent one.

Then there was the moment he had had with her earlier in the day when she had asked about her daughter.

There was a moment when she had seen almost genuinely concerned about Lydia and whether or not she was alive after the fight. Negan had no idea what happened to Lydia. However, considering you hadn’t told him that she was dead and you didn’t seem to be acting as if you had lost a child, Negan figured she was okay.

When Alpha had begun asking questions about her, it was then that Negan finally realized how he would take out the Queen of the Whisperers and he was going to hate to do it.

Walking alongside a silent Alpha, Negan thought back to an hour before when he had gone in search of his final piece.

Earlier in the day…

Negan moved through the trees after finally losing his tails. He knew that Beta was having people watch him, but he didn’t care. Beta was dealing with his own problems as well. Negan had learned that the giant man had killed Gamma during the battle after she had stopped him from killing the one with the sword.

Negan had left camp after hearing that Beta had once again tried to kill you. He needed some air and he needed to find Lydia. Negan didn’t want to move too close to Alexandria, but he had to be close enough to intercept the young woman.

He also knew that Daryl would have figured out that he had been the one to set up the roadblocks and so he had to be smart. He didn’t doubt that Daryl would shoot him if he got the chance no matter how he felt about you.

Which is why he needed to get to Lydia. Negan stayed in the shadows of the road that led to the community. He had learned enough about Lydia’s former family to know how to get her attention. He also knew that she wouldn’t stay behind the walls long and that she would get restless.

And so, he waited.

Negan was getting restless as he waited, but at the time, he didn’t have any other options. He was ready to give up and go back to the pack when the gates slid open and Lydia slipped through the fence. Her staff was in her hand as she took a deep breath and then turned to say something to someone behind the gate. Negan figured it was either Scott or Eugene.

Lydia began to wander away from Alexandria and that’s when Negan began to track her.

He would never forget the way her expression changed from hope to betrayal as she saw him walking towards her only to see the mask in his hands.

It was only an hour later when Negan approached the Alpha.

“Alpha,” he said, “that thing you’ve been looking for…” Alpha turned to him with curious eyes. “I found it.”

A smile crept across the woman’s face and for a moment, she looked genuinely happy at the prospect of finding her daughter.

“Lydia.”

---------

“It is beautiful,” Alpha said as she stared at a Walker stumbling through the trees. Negan watched it with disdain. “Pure.”

“All I see is a bag of bones and some gnarly-ass teeth,” Negan scoffed.

“You will see. Maybe soon. And I will meet you there,” Alpha promised, looking up at him with eyes full of unrequited compassion. Negan turned away as he adjusted the strap on his back that held his bat.

“You know, I ain't exactly ready to meet my Maker, if that's what you're saying,” Negan said. “Hell, I’ve survived this long and I don’t plan on making any appointments with the man downstairs.”

“You proved yourself again by finding her,” Alpha went on as if he hadn’t spoken. “And like the young lion cub who must leave his pride, it is time to roam the Earth. Build a new pride.”

“Do you want me out there, preaching your gospel?” Negan asked. “Cause I’m gonna be honest with you, people stopped listening to me a long time ago.”

“I want you to become a lion,” she said. Negan paused, trying to understand what she was saying. Whatever it was, it wasn’t good.

“You know,” he began, “I may not be hip on the whole Greek alphabet, but Beta is no Alpha. And if we're going stick with the whole lion thing... then isn't it the young lioness who takes her mother's place?” Alpha looked up at him and he could see the shift in her attitude at the mention of her daughter and that was when he finally understood. Lydia was not her strength, she was her weakness and Alpha could not bear to be weak.

“Walk,” she ordered.

As they moved together, Negan began to think about Lucille of all things. After you had brought her up the day before, he couldn’t keep her out of his mind.

“A long time ago before meat-lovers like him started showing up,” Negan said, gesturing to the Walker not far from them, “I, uh... I lost somebody that was close to me. Pancreatic cancer. If the disease wasn't eating her up from the inside, then the chemo was kicking the ever-loving shit out of her. And yet... I don't know. Maybe, uh... Maybe the cancer just put things in perspective. She was, uh... She was never more beautiful.” Negan paused, letting the memory of her wash over him. He hadn’t allowed himself to think about his wife in this way for a long time. It was as if he was finally ready to let her go.

“Be grateful,” Alpha said. “Death... set her free.”

“The thing is,” Negan said as he kicked out at an old root, “when she was gone, I didn't feel much of anything anymore. You know? I didn't feel scared, I didn't feel happy. I didn't feel anything. I was just... here. And that is my strength. However, someone else has taught me that that strength isn’t the only thing that has kept me alive. They taught me that we need people.”

“I thought you didn’t have people,” Alpha said.

“Everyone’s got people,” Negan argued. “Even if you hate each other, they’re still there. Still waiting. See, you are pretending. You think that it makes you strong to say that emotions aren't real, that we are animals. That is bullshit. And you know it.”

“Is it?” she asked as they approached an old cabin between two tall trees. Alpha started at it as if it held all the answers in the world.

“You’re claimin’ that you have to kill your own daughter,” he said. “Right? That’s what you’re plannin’ to do here? She’s your own flesh and blood.”

“It is her destiny,” Alpha argued. “That disease... took your wife... because that was what nature intended. She could not take you with her. But you live every day wishing she could.” Negan shook his head.

“No, not anymore,” he said, his jaw rigid. “I may have felt that at one point, but I’ve seen what a real future looks like and I ain’t about to throw that away.”

“Lydia was made for this. To be free. With me,” she said.

“You still love her,” Negan said.

“I have to do it because I love her. She will always be my baby,” Alpha said as she approached the door to the cabin, laying her hand against the door.

“You don’t know anything about her,” Negan said as he drew his blade from his belt. “She is kind, strong, resilient, and she is loved by people.” Alpha pushed open the door and beheld an empty room, stopping her in her tracks. “People that I love as well,” Negan said as Alpha turned to him in confusion, but he didn’t hesitate.

With a quick strike of his arm, Negan slashed Alpha’s throat with his knife. Alpha stared at him with wide eyes as blood sprayed and cascaded down her neck. As she lurched forward, Negan caught her, taking her down to the ground. Her eyes were boring into his, but he could feel no remorse towards the dying woman.

“I really thought that there was a chance for you,” he said, but then he was shaking his head. “But then you tried to kill the kid that is like a daughter to me. I love Lydia, and I will protect her with everything I have left. You took people from me, won the battles, but now you don’t get to win the war.” Leaning down, he put his lips next to her ear. “Thank you, for making me realize that I don’t have to be a monster.”

Negan leaned back as Alpha finally went still and the blood slowly trickled from her neck and mouth. Picking up his knife, Negan aimed it at her throat and finally finished what he had started.

----------

In the silence at the border, Negan dropped a burlap sack on the ground as Alpha’s head rolled out and landed at a pair of worn boots.

“Took you long enough,” Carol said as she met his eyes. “What took you so damn long?”

“What took me so long? Doing your dirty work?” Negan scoffed. “Oh, I don't know, Carol, I guess I wanted to get out of there with my head still attached. Shit like that takes time and I’ve been in a bit of a mood lately if you couldn’t tell.”

“I told you to do it fast,” she said.

“It's done. All right? I held up my end. Now I am asking you to hold up yours. Just walk me through those gates so I can open up a new chapter in the Book of Negan and get the love of my life back. In case you hadn’t noticed, they’re pretty fucking pissed at me.” All Negan wanted was for Carol to do as she said, make the people of Alexandria look at him, not as the man who ruined them, but the one who saved them. However, it seemed like Carol had other plans.

“I'm not going back. Not yet,” she said. Negan who was glaring at her clenched his fists.

“I go back there without you, there is a noose around my neck the second I step foot in there,” he argued.

“Then wait,” Carol said as she picked up Alpha’s head and approached the pike she had set up in preparation.

“Wait? How long are we talking about?” Negan asked as Carol placed Alpha’s head on the pike and took a step back, admiring Negan’s work.

“You're free now, Negan. Do whatever the hell you want,” she said. “Wait, don't wait, it's up to you. You did good on what I asked of you.”

“I did this for (Y/N),” he said, “not you.”

“They want Beta’s head, not Alpha’s,” Carol said. “Go home to them, Negan, I need to be alone.”

“Carol!” Negan yelled, but she just turned away from him.

“Shit like this takes time,” she said as she continued on her, leaving Alpha behind and stepping into the next chapter of her own story.

“Fuck.”

----------

Negan was pissed at everyone.

He was pissed at Alpha, he was pissed at Carol, and he was even more pissed at himself. “I’m a fucking idiot,” he said as he kept moving towards the place he had actually kept Lydia. He knew he had a lot of explaining to do and he wouldn’t be surprised if she hated him or slapped him as you had. He just hoped that she would listen to him and even forgive him for what he had to do.

What Carol had asked him to do.

Yet, it seemed that that deal was useless at the current moment. Carol hadn’t kept her end of the bargain and now Negan was the one running around with his head cut off. Alpha’s mask burned a hole in his pocket and all he wanted to do was scream.

Instead, he approached the old hunters’ cabin and braced himself for a teenager’s wrath.

“Hey, kiddo,” Negan said as he moved up onto the porch. “Sorry about‒” Negan froze as he opened the door to find an empty chair. “Shit,” he swore when all of a sudden, he was thrown into a wall and a crossbow was pointed at his face.

“Where's Alpha!” Daryl yelled as he levelled his weapon at Negan. Carefully, Negan raised his hands, his bat pressing into his spine.

“Look, whatever Lydia told you..,” he tried, but Daryl wasn’t listening.

“Where is she!”

“She is dead. She is dead. I killed her,” Negan said, trying not to think about the bolt that could enter his brain at any moment.

“You’re lying,” Daryl said.

“I am not lying. I have somethin' in my pocket,” Negan said. “It's not a weapon. I am slowly gonna reach for it.” Daryl waited as Negan pulled Alpha’s mask from his jacket and held it out. Daryl grabbed it with disgust.

“Her mask ain't her head,” Daryl growled.

“Oh, I know. I am getting to that,” Negan said.

“Well, then, get to it,” Daryl said. Negan gestured down to the weapon and Daryl jerked it away from his face, but didn’t put it completely down. Negan went on.

“The whole reason I threw in with them, was so I could get close enough to Alpha to slit her throat. Now, you talk about ‘silencing the Whisperers’, I silenced the Alpha,” Negan said and then leaned towards Daryl. “Why the hell else you think that your girlfriend let me outta that cell?”

“That don’t mean shit,” Daryl said. “Ya didn’t do this out of the kindness of yer heart.”

“Nah,” Negan said. “I did it for (Y/N). I never stopped loving them.”

“You expect me to believe that?” Daryl said.

“I never planned to leave them. I would rather die than hurt them,” Negan tried again.

“Good,” Daryl scoffed.

“Dammit, Daryl!” Negan said. “Can’t you see what’s goin’ on? You’re so goddamn blinded by your hatred for me that you don’t get what I just did! Alpha is dead and now her psycho personal trainer is gonna be comin’ for me!”

“Show me,” Daryl said. “Show me her body.”

“I’ll do you one better,” Negan said. “Come on.”

-------

Negan was getting real tired of the universe screwing with him.

“Are you fucking serious?” Negan said as he stared up at the empty pike.

“So, where is it?” Daryl asked, aiming his bow at Negan’s back.

“It was right here. I swear to God, it was on that spike,” Negan said, looking back at Daryl. “Jesus,” he swore as he realized the weapon was trained on him again. “Look, we sit here, we can wait for Carol. Or I can take you to find the body.” Daryl raised the bow higher. “Oh, come on, man. We're talking about Lydia here. Why would I stash her out in banjo country unless the whole point was to keep her safe? Unless the whole freakin' point was just to use her as bait so I could get Alpha alone? That’s a pretty far stretch, don’t you think?”

“You sure took your sweet-ass time, though, didn't you?” Daryl asked and Negan threw his hands up in exasperation.

“What is with you guys thinking I didn't do it fast enough? You didn't kill her. I did. It took a minute. I had to get her to trust me. Because I wasn't on some half-cocked suicide mission. I wasn’t exactly wishing to get my head cracked open by Beta or my brains eaten by Alpha’s ‘guardians’. I had a plan!”

“What do you want me to do, huh?” Daryl asked.

“Take me to (Y/N),” Negan pleaded. “I think that they may have figured it by now.”

“Figured out what?” Daryl sneered.

“That I’m not bullshitting you,” Negan argued. “And we gotta do it now before her pack comes lookin’.”

“For you?”

“No, for all of us.”

---------

“I don’t know…” Rosita said as you stood in front of her. “Seems… crazy, even for him.”

“He is crazy!” you said, trying to get her to understand. You had finally finished explaining your theory you had about Negan and the Whisperers. There were a lot of holes in that theory, but overall there was one central idea. “Negan’s playing double agent.”

“And you got all of that...from a marble?” Rosita asked, still not buying it.

“It makes more sense if you know more about the marble, but I don’t have the time to get into all of it.”

“What do you think about all of this?” Rosita asked, turning to Michonne who had come in mid-explanation.

“I agree with, (Y/N),” Michonne said. “Negan is crazy.”

“Not the point, Michonne,” you argued.

“Just listen,” she said. “If this was some sort of crazy plan of his, why didn’t he tell us?”

“Who would have believed him?” you asked.

“You?”

“I’m not enough,” you said. “I don’t know what the plan was or if he just wanted to take control of the Whisperers, maybe turn the tide, but I don’t think he is with them because he believes in all their bullshit. Negan is a lot of things, but that? No way.”

“What if you’re wrong?” Michonne asked.

“I can’t be,” you said.

“But what if you are?” Michonne pressed and you could see the growing concern in her eyes.

“Then, everything over the past year has been for nothing and I never knew him at all,” you said, dreading that outcome. If Negan wasn’t on your side and he had actually willingly gone to Alpha… You didn’t think you would be able to handle it. When Rosita went to add her two cents, the door to her house opened and Lydia rushed in.” Where the hell have you been?” you asked.

“With Negan,” Lydia said. “Sort of.” You, Rosita, and Michonne all shared a look.

“Explain,” Michonne said.

“No time,” Lydia said. “He’s here. Negan is here.”

“What?” you asked, unable to comprehend what she was saying.

“Daryl just walked in with him. He’s heading this way.”

“Daryl’s with him?” Michonne asked, but you didn’t hear Lydia’s response as you turned and walked from the house. The sun was starting to set over the trees as your eyes scanned for his tall form. When you finally saw him walking down the road, speaking to Daryl, you picked up your pace, aiming right for him.

Daryl saw you first and took a step towards you. “(Y/N), wait,” he said, but you didn’t listen as you walked right up to Negan, pulled back your fist, and let it snap forward, catching him in the jaw. Surprised, Negan dropped from the sudden hit.

“Shit!” Negan swore from the ground. “What the hell!” he asked, staring up at you.

“You know what that was for!” you said, pointing at him.

“I have a lot to explain,” Negan said, getting to his feet.

“Yeah, no shit,” you said and then you turned to Daryl. “You, too.”

“Call a council meeting, (Y/N)” Daryl ordered. “This is far from over.”

------------

Laura’s empty council seat felt as if a black hole had appeared in the room.

Nobody sat in it as Gabriel called the meeting to order. Everyone was glaring at Negan who stood at the side, his arms and ankles crossed. You were across from him, staring him down and trying not to unleash the fury you were feeling. You still believed that he had been playing the other side, but seeing him again after your last encounter only reminded you of the rage you had felt then.

“I don’t even know where to start,” Gabriel said.

“Maybe with a bullet to his brain,” Aaron offered, staring at Negan who in turn, just narrowed his eyes at him.

“Considering Alpha wanted your head on a stick, Aaron, you should be a bit more grateful,” Negan shot back.

“Enough,” Michonne said. “Daryl, you better start talking before anyone else starts throwing punches.” You rolled your eyes at that but remained quiet.

“Negan claims that Carol let him out,” Daryl began. That made enough sense to you, but then again, you were still pissed that you weren’t let in on the secret. “Alpha killed her son and Carol wanted revenge.”

“So she went to Negan?” Siddiq asked as he held Coco in his arms. Rosita was nearby as well. Even though it was a council meeting, every major player in Alexandria and Hilltop was in attendance. Enid was there too as she stood near Alden.

“I’m assuming she figured not many would go looking for him,” Daryl said.

“Assumed?” Michonne asked. “So you haven’t spoken to her?” Daryl shook his head and then looked at Negan.

“Carol went off on her own after I delivered Alpha’s head to her,” Negan said and then caught the look on Lydia’s face. He didn’t want her there and you didn’t either. Her mother had just been killed and no matter who she was, hearing that was not easy. Lydia seemed to be in shock as she sat on one of the benches in the back, not speaking. Jesus’ coat was around her shoulders to keep her warm, but it didn’t seem to be making much of a difference.

“So we’re going on his testimony alone?” Alden asked.

“This isn’t a fucking murder trial, Alden,” Negan said. “Then again, you were always a true crime fan.”

“I told you that one time,” Alden argued.

“Guess it stuck,” Negan said with a shrug of his shoulders.

“That’s enough,” Gabriel said. “What I’m gathering from Negan’s sudden reappearance, is that Alpha is dead, he killed her, and that was why he left Alexandria the second time.”

“See, it’s not that hard to get,” Negan said.

“Except for the fact that you helped burn down Hilltop,” Enid added.

“I had no idea she was going to do that,” Negan defended. “I tried to convince her to offer some sort of deal to the lot of you. She got it all twisted around and wanted to make you all a part of her horde. You’re just lucky so many of you refuse to die and actually stood up and fought.”

“What were we supposed to do? Lay down like dogs? Kneel at her feet?” Aaron pressed.

“I did,” Negan said. “And I guess it worked.”

“But then what? You had a change of heart?” Rosita asked.

“No,” Negan said. “I was always going to take her out, but I was going to take Beta out first if possible.” You looked up at him at that statement and he was looking right at you with steel resolve in his eyes.

“Why didn’t you?” Gabriel asked.

“She forced my hand. Told me that she was going to kill her kid. I couldn’t let that happen,” he said.

“And suddenly he’s a Saint,” Aaron scoffed.

“I wasn’t going to let her murder a kid, Aaron,” Negan shot back.

“And what about my kid, Negan? We tried to evacuate them before the battle, but you put up your goddamn roadblocks to stop us from leaving!”

“I didn’t know the kids were with you! I thought they were back in Alexandria. How the hell was I supposed to know anything? Carol sent me out there and I never heard from her. I was running around with a single goal but no idea where the hell I was going. You think you know the Whisperers, Aaron? You don’t. You haven’t even seen the worst of what they do or who they are, but I have! Now I’ve done a lot of horrible shit in my life, but what she did, I would never.”

“You can’t tell me that you didn’t like it,” Aaron pressed. Daryl then fell into his seat, trying not to get a migraine from the conversation.

“Liked it?” Negan asked. “Did I like not being locked up in a cell most of the day as I received death glares from every damn person in this place? Yeah, I fucking liked that. I liked that I was out in the world and doing something rather than sitting here waiting for this damn kangaroo council to decide whether or not to finally off me. The fact that any of you are surprised that I did this is astonishing. I thought you were smarter than this.”

“I could say the same thing about you,” you put in.

“You know me better than anyone, (Y/N),” he said. “Tell me, do you think I’m lying?”

“It doesn’t matter what I think,” you said.

“Don’t bullshit me,” he said, but just as you were about to fire back. The back door to the meeting hall opened and Carol stepped in. She was a bit banged up but she was alive. Nobody spoke as she walked down the aisle. She stopped and looked over at Lydia who slowly looked at her with heavy eyes. Ignoring the teenager, Carol faced the room.

“It’s all true,” Carol said. “I let Negan out to kill Alpha.”

“And you didn’t want to share with the class?” Siddiq said.

“It only worked if you all thought he was against us,” Carol said and then she looked at you. “I’m sorry.” Turning away, you stormed from the meeting hall, not wanting to hear anymore. Negan moved to follow you, but Daryl moved into his path. Negan shoved Daryl back, not caring how pissed the man was at him. He needed to speak to you and he needed to do it before there was no going back.

“(Y/N)!” Negan called as you walked away from him. He ran to catch up with you, grabbing you by the arm. You tore away from him, facing him head-on.

“Don’t,” you warned. He stared down at you, searching your eyes and then, he frowned.

“You didn’t find it,” he whispered.

“I did,” you said and his eyes lit up again.

“Then why are you punching me and screaming?” he asked.

“You lied!” you yelled at him. “You never lie to me and you just...you left when you promised you never would again.”

“I know, Baby,” he said, using a rare pet name. “I know, but this was the only way.”

“Why?” you asked, trying to understand.

“Alpha she is... was complicated,” Negan said.

“She murdered children!” you said.

“Which is why I did what I did!” He said, reaching for you. When you didn’t pull back, he gripped your arms and looked into your eyes. “See me, (Y/N), please see me and see that I am not lying to you now.” As you tried to keep your emotions in check, you failed, letting the tears flow down your face. Reaching up, you placed your hands on either side of his face and looked into his hazel eyes.

It took you a few moments, but finally, you saw it. That spark, that fire that you had fallen in love with. The same fire that everyone else saw before you did. “I see you,” you whispered and Negan sighed, leaning his forehead against yours. “I don’t know how to get through this,” you admitted.

“I know,” he said. “But I am willing to do anything to win that trust back and even your love back if I have to.” Leaning back, you shook your head.

“I never stopped loving you,” you said. “That was never the problem. I am always going to love you, but there is more to a relationship, a partnership, than just love. I mean, you were with her for so long…”

“She meant nothing to me,” he swore.

“Did you…” you hesitated, not wanting to say the words out loud but you had to. “Did you do anything with her?”

“Fuck no,” he said. “I know that she wanted to, but I couldn’t do that to you. Not with her or anyone. You are the only one for me.”

“How do I believe you?” you asked, clutching at his face.

“Believe this,” he said before pulling you to him and kissing you with everything he had left in him. Your mind wanted to resist, but your heart won the battle quickly. You tugged him further into you as you kissed him back, hard. This wasn’t one of your usual kisses, it was firm, desperate, and you were throwing your whole body into it, needing to feel him solid in your arms.

You were crying as you kissed him and you could feel him shaking. HIs hand came up to your neck and then your jaw, keeping you in place as he apologized with love and passion. When you finally pulled away, you breathed in his scent, letting his labored breathing wash over you. “You are my whole universe, (Y/N),” he whispered.

“Constantly reaching towards each other?” you quoted, leaning your weight against him.

“I knew you would figure it out,” he said, rubbing your back. “Leaving you was the hardest thing I have ever done.” Negan brushed the tears from your face as you pulled his lips back to yours in a quick kiss.

“If you ever do this again,” you said against his lips. “I will kill you.”

“And it would be an honor,” he said as he leaned back and looked down at you.

“A part of me knew, I think,” you said. “I spent so long looking for you everywhere except across the border. I think I just didn’t want to think about you with her.”

“But you finally understood?”

“When I got the marble,” you said. “I got the final piece of the jigsaw puzzle.”

“Forgive me, (Y/N),” he pleased.

“I don’t know…” you said, running your hands down his arms. He then stepped back out of your hold and in one fluid movement, knelt down on his knees. “What are you doing?”

“You once kneeled at my feet, begging for me not to hurt you and your family,” he began. “Back then, I was lost, horrible, and not capable of remorse. It took me a long time to see that what I had become was not right. You changed that, (Y/N). So, now, I’m doin’ the same. I’m on my knees, begging for you not to hurt me. I’m begging for your forgiveness.”

“Negan…”

“Please, just listen,” he asked and you nodded. “When you told me about Lee that night in your house during the storm, you told me that you never regretted what you did but that it was still unnecessary. Do you remember that?”

“Yes,” you whispered. You remembered everything from that night. It was the same night that you realized you were falling in love with him.

“I told you that you had to do it because you were protecting the people that you loved. I meant that and I still do. We are all darkened by this world, but the thing that keeps us going is doing the right thing for the people we love and dammit I love you. I didn’t think that after Lucille I was going to love again, let alone someone as kind and as strong-willed as you. You made me want to live again and you made me want to fight for this place and everyone in it. I know that a simple apology ain’t gonna cut it, but until this war is over, it’s all I got. I am so sorry, (Y/N), and I am willing to spend every day making it up to you no matter what you think of me now.”

“It’s going to take me a long time to forgive you for the lies,” you whispered as you then kneeled down in front of him, taking his hands in yours. “But,” you said.

“But?”

“I can try,” you said. “I can try to be the person you described because I love you too much to give up on you. You don’t need to kneel for me, Negan. We don’t have to kneel for anyone anymore.”

“That’s not true,” he said. “This war ain’t over, Teach,” he said and you laughed quickly at the nickname.

“I still have a target out there,” you said.

“Beta, I know,” he said.

“I am going to kill him,” you promised, “but I am going to need you by my side to do it.” Negan reached forward and kissed you softly. Pulling back, that fire was burning brighter in his eyes.

“Where do we start?”

Note: I know some of yall wanted so massive angst, but I really wanted to look at the deeper connection between these too. These two have been through too much to not see how the other thinks. The Tower is next and we will finally see Lydia’s reaction.

TAGS: @lucillethings @cameronsails @stark-dreams @amaroho @thanossexual @yes-sir-hotchner @boom-bunny @delusionalteenagewhispers @scootankle @ritajammer21 @writteriguess @tea-atfive @jennydehavilland @waspyyy @yespleasejayhalstead @hoemadegrace @writingdeadangel @huffledor-able541 @pulplorrd @felicisimor

#the walking dead #twd #imagines #negan imagines #negan x reader #negan x you #negan x y/n #negan x gn reader #savior sessions #walker words #ApolloLoki97 #whisperer war #alpha #beta #season 10 twd

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rxmanticdevil · 3 years

Text

One Shot #1 - Magicians for Sport, Trelawny’s side

Characters: Josiah Trelawny, Arthur Morgan, Charles Smith Spoilers: Through Ch. 3 Words: ~3142 Trigger warnings: Kidnapping, violence, choking Explanation for this abomination: The story mission “Magicians for Sport” from the perspective of what happened to Trelawny. Josiah is minding his own business, bounty hunters decide they want a chat. Things get better from there (just kidding, they don’t get better). This has most likely been written before but tbh I didn’t look because I wanted to write it and I’ve just done research for my degree and I don’t want to research anymore.))

Trelawny was hardly registering his actions as he placed the two small slices of bread on a plate, a small meal for the early morning. His mind was distracted, his thoughts with the gang he had grown so fond of. Those bounty hunters were quite determined to get a hold of Dutch. And Arthur. The whole gang was in danger, which wasn’t really out of the norm. But this time it felt different, those bounty hunters seemed determined in a way that put Josiah’s hair on end.

The sound of hooves on dirt caught his already heightened attention, and he glanced out his window to see familiar figures coming up the path to the small collection of caravans full of the unsavory people he had found to blend into.

Those were the bounty hunters he had spoken to by the state line. Without wasting any time he pulled the curtains closed, locking the doors as he could. His caravan only had two rectangular rooms, but two doors – two areas of vulnerability.

He held his breath, they were getting closer, there were voices: We’re looking for a guy.

Another voice. The fence who operated out of the next caravan over. He pressed his ear against his front door, straining to hear. But he couldn’t make out what was being said, there was no loyalty here and he knew what the bounty hunters wanted. He was familiar enough with people like them – he knew what they’d do to get it.

The seconds ticked by but felt like hours until he heard the sound of horses trotting away. He took a deep breath, nearly collapsing to his knees from relief.

“Thank God….” – and the fence too. It seemed he would be escaping this scenario unharmed.

He went back to his plate of food but was once more unable to focus on it, his hands trembling too violently to be useful whenever he attempted to spread the raspberry jam over the bread. His mind raced. The bounty hunters were here, in Rhodes. While Josiah didn’t know where Dutch and the others were holed up now, he did know they would be coming back this way. It was imperative that he tracked them down, any of the gang down, at least to deliver the message –stay low, for God’s sake your lives are at stake. Stay. Alert.

Advice he should have heeded himself, it seemed.

The back door was kicked open with an unparalleled violent force at the same time as the front door. The sudden actions causing Josiah’s heart to jump, near pounding out of his chest, and his body escaped to the farthest point from the most immediate intruder at his front doorway. Unfortunately, that was the edge of his bed and it was hardly any more distance at all.

“Good morning, sir,” the bounty hunter coming from the front stood in his doorway, his body filling up the door frame as he held a gun in his hand, “We just got a few questions for you, we won’t be long.”

It was one of the first times in a long time that Trelawny felt genuine fear. Trapped, his revolver by the door where the man stood– there was no way he could get it without being grabbed – or shot. He could only wait for what would happen next. A fact that the man before him seemed to savor, drinking in Trelawny’s paled face and white knuckles clinging to the edge of his bed.

The man’s face melted into a cruel grin as he neared, “You remember me, right? We spoke at the state line?” he waited a moment, taunting Josiah to respond. “You remember we were talking – about Dutch Van der Linde? My colleagues and I seem to think you left out some details.”

“You must have me confused with someone else. I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You don’t, huh?” a fist went to the framed photograph on his wall, shattering the glass as it fell to the ground. The sharp action, the threat, caused Trelawny to jump. If these men didn’t kill him soon his heart would surely do him in.

“I told you, I just got here from Oregon-” It wasn’t acting this time, how his voice pitched up, squeaking out the story he had threaded during their earlier encounter.

A hand grabbed his neck and threw him onto the ground, into the glass. His attacker wasted no time looming over him, leaning down to grab him once more by the throat, pulling Josiah up close to his face.

“Try again.”

“I don’t know anything-”

The fist came at him once. And then twice. He was seeing stars, trying to regain any sense of equilibrium before he was picked up and thrown once more, like a ragdoll, from one side of his caravan to the other. His back hit his counter, knocking the shelves down.

“I said try again.”

Trelawny felt blood coming from his wounds, and an anger building inside him. Fear dissipating for a moment – how dare these men come into his home and cause such a mess. His hand balled into a fist, and he took the moment to throw a punch.

“And I said I don’t know anything, now leave.” He swung his fist, shocking the attacker just long enough to clip the man’s cheek. But before he could follow up, he felt two arms grab him tight from behind. The other bounty hunter. But Trelawny was determined: They had made it clear that he wasn’t getting out of this unscathed whether he cooperated or not.

He brought his elbow up and swung it back in a short, sharp motion- aiming to do as much damage as possible to the gut before he used his elbow and upper arm as the pendulum to swing his fist down into a more sensitive area. The bounty hunter yelped, releasing him.

A glint in the light caught his eye, his cane! A weapon he could get! He made a move for it, pulling it up and swinging down hard with the intent to end this quickly against the man who was doubled over in pain.

Then, there was nothing.

_______

“Then the idiot went after Davey and I grabbed one of the vases and smashed it over his head,” the bounty hunter lit his cigarette and brought it to his lips, “Dropped like a rock.”

“But he didn’t say anything?”

“Not a damn thing,” the man grumbled.

Well, that all certainly explained his splitting headache. He felt the dirt on his cheek, from his face having been in it for who knew how long. But the rest of his body didn’t seem to be responding. Not wanting to alert his new… friends that he was awake, but needing to check his situation, he slowly tried to move his limbs. All he found though was his wrists bound tight together as well as his ankles. Oh, if there was ever a time he wished for the gang to show up from one of their misadventures it would be now.

“Hey, George,” a third bounty hunter spoke to the first, “Look, your friend.”

And then all eyes were on him, and he knew he couldn’t play dead any longer. The bounty hunters eyeing him from their lean-to as he struggled in vain on the ground. ‘George’ gave him a grin, a sickening grin that told Trelawny nothing good was in his future. However futile struggling was, that look made Trelawny only try to free himself faster. It was no use of course, the man stepped over him, straddling him as he pulled his head up off the ground by the throat.

“Good morning, partner,” he said, cruelty in every line on the man’s face.

“I’d brush my teeth if I were you, good sir. You might scare children like that-”

A hand came sharp across his face, “Shut up, fool. You’re in no place to talk to anyone like that.” His throat was gripped even tighter, and Josiah’s body began to panic for air. He could barely register as the man above him spoke.

“Where. Are. They? Where. Is. Dutch?”

“I don’t know any Dutch fellows.” If he wasn’t going to tell them before he certainly wasn’t going to now after they had been so rude and rough.

That wasn’t what he wanted to hear, “Dammit! I know you know!” The hand squeezed his throat tighter, and he felt himself gasping – fighting for air.

“Don’t kill him, George, or we’ll never get our answer. He just needs some more persuasion. Or maybe to be kept with us a little longer. If they find out we have him, they might send someone to get him back.”

“Think he’s worth somethin’ as bait?”

The hand relaxed on his throat and he gasped for air. Trelawny was less than soothed by that idea no matter that it bought him a few more minutes (hours? Days?) of life. He despised the thought of being bait for the Van der Linde gang. Sure, they exchanged favors of bailing each other out of sticky situations, but surely this would cross a line.

“So I can’t kill him but I can….”

Trelawny realized in that moment that he had let himself get distracted by thought, George had returned to his side. His eyes read nothing less than sadistic desire.

Whack! “Ahhh!” His legs dulled with the ache of great pain.

Whack! Pain shot through his side.

Whack! His shoulder screamed.

Each hit pulled a gasp from his lips. He caught a glimpse of the weapon – his cane. It came down on him again, and again.

“Hey, George! What’d we say? You’re going to kill him!”

“Fine by me!”

And then he saw the shine from the metal head of the cane as the shaft was swung down on him. He was out again.

_____

This time when he gained consciousness, he was sitting up. His arms tied still, his legs remained bound, and his vision blurred.

“There he is, good morning sunshine,” it was that George fellow again. Trelawny realized he didn’t have much voice left at all. His body weak, pain aching through every bone and every joint.

It was a time he could genuinely say he wished they would just kill him instead of continuing this treatment.

“Look, friend,” Davey knelt next to him, “We can let you go. Just tell us where they are. We can even give you some of the money. You know how much those guys are worth. You’d never have to work a day in your life again.”

Give him some of the money? Trelawny knew Dutch’s bounty was high. That would be no small sum but- no, how could he even entertain the idea? He might not have many morals, but he certainly had friends.

“I don’t… I don’t know… who you- you’re talking about-”

“BULLSHIT,” George was back in the scene. He kicked over Trelawny’s chair and the man fell to the hard, filthy cabin floor with a hard thud. Before he could gather his bearings once more a sharp foot made contact with his gut. The foot pulled back to go at him again.

“Whoa, George! Relax. We’ll make him talk yet. C’mon, I got an idea,” and Davey gave George a glance. A knowing glance. One that Trelawny was not happy to see them exchanging. He felt himself being yanked up by his arms, each touch hitting a point of injury sending shockwaves through his body and eliciting a cry from his lips. “Let’s get you out of here, come on boy.”

“The thing is,” George spoke as they began to pull the man out of the small cabin and down the steps, “after that shack, this will be remembered like a good time.”

“Put the man down, gentleman.” And then there was the click of two guns.

Trelawny could barely focus long enough to feel the relief wash over him in a tidal wave. That voice. Oh, that dear voice. That sweet voice. George left his side, and then Davey dropped him to the ground. It was another hard fall, but he was so filled with that joyous relief that he barely registered the pain. He wasn’t even sure if the tears in his eyes were from pain or relief – most likely both.

Feet entered his field of vision, a knife too – but any fear was dissipated when he realized it was none other than Charles. Another of Dutch’s loyal knights.

“That the lot of them?”

“I… I think so.” His hands were freed in an instant. His wrists red from chafing as he pushed himself up to a sitting position.

“So, you’re alive.” Arthur knelt by him with another knife, getting to work on the binds on his ankles.

“Allegedly.”

“Well, don’t worry. They won’t be for much longer.” Those words sparked that desire for revenge in Trelawny’s heart. Those bastards who broke into his home, kidnapped him, tortured him, and threatened his friends. He had no strength left but he had enough anger to help himself out of his own leg binding.

“Go get them, Arthur. I can handle this.”

Arthur met his eyes, and Trelawny took the second to drink in that familiar, gentle face. The man who was ruthless when necessary, but who had always been a kind – if a little sad – soul to Trelawny. Arthur seemed to be checking with Trelawny, to make sure he would sincerely be alright should he go off to stop the bounty hunters. In response, Trelawny waved his hand – urging Arthur onward. Not just for that desire of revenge either, should those bounty hunters escape they would escape with far too much information. They had to be dealt with accordingly.

In the next moment, Arthur had taken off to the fields. Gunshots rang out. Arthur and Charles will both be fine, he kept telling himself as he struggled to free his ankles. It would be easier if his hands weren’t having such trouble gripping things. Each movement made his body cry in pain, but at least… at least he was safe.

The rope around his ankles became slack after another moment of finicking. The gunshots were still echoing and Trelawny could only hope his friends were not on the receiving end.

Well, he couldn’t just wait here on the ground. In the dirt. His clothes were already filthy, his white shirt had blood stains on it, his beautiful vest simply torn to shreds. Lord only knew what his face looked like. His hair must be an utter mess. He would simply die of embarrassment should they return to him whining on the ground.

He tried to put a hand on the ground to push himself up to his feet, but his elbow buckled under his weight. Pain shot through the arm. His legs told him too we’re not standing. There was a chair on the patio of the small cabin, if he could just make it there he could take a seat like somewhat of a refined gentleman as opposed to a dirt dweller like he was now.

It took him longer than he’d like, and he had more crawled over the dirt than walked, but he found himself able to climb into the chair, letting himself finally take in a moment of peace despite the pain. Arthur is here. Charles is here. And because he had kept his mouth shut this time, he could look them in the face with dignity.

“Mr. Trelawny, where are you?”

He nearly felt the tears threaten again. That voice brought with it so much relief, he wasn’t sure he could ever explain to Arthur just how much it meant to him. Especially in that moment. And that was for no lack of intelligence on the other man’s part, Trelawny knew the man was quite prolific. Dutch and Hosea would have it no other way. “Over here, dear boy!”

“Put your feet up, why don’t you?” Arthur came into view on the hill, the words harsh and teasing but nothing that Trelawny would imagine taking offense to. And as Arthur approached, he could see his face soften and he could hear that kindness in his voice, “You okay?”

“Never finer.” Yes, this outlaw had probably just killed a small handful of other men. However, he had done it out of desire to protect his friends. And Trelawny was just glad that he was in that category. Trelawny tried to stand up, but pain brought him back into his chair.

“So, who was they?” The important question. Josiah couldn’t blame him for wanting to cut right to the chase. The man’s hand was gentle on his back, the other at his arm in quiet support.

“They were bounty hunters, ah, attached to Cole Stoudemire,” that was what they had told him at that camp long ago.

“Okay.”

“They weren’t looking for me, per se.”

“No…” Arthur quietly confirmed the unsaid part. They wanted you, Arthur. They wanted Dutch. “What you tell ‘em?”

Another important question. And one Josiah was glad he could answer with pride, “Not much. I… told them I was an intellectual come down here from Oregon…” He let Arthur steer him towards the horse, accepting his and Charles’ help to mount. He tried to grip the saddle, tried to pull himself up, but he knew he was fooling none of them: he had no energy, no strength left. “…looking for a job at the university. Course, they didn’t believe me. Seems you stirred up quite a hornet’s nest in Blackwater.”

“So I keep hearing.” Arthur backed slowly away from the horse, as though making sure that Trelawny could remain upright.

Josiah met his eyes once more, a little embarrassed by his own need to request yet even more from the gang. But it was how things had to be. “It might be best if I stay with you gentlemen for a while. Can’t go back to that caravan now.”

Not even a moment to think about it passed before Arthur nodded in agreement.

“Alright, Charles, you take Trelawny back to camp. I’ll catch up with you.”

“Okay.” And Charles moved his horse on, Trelawny following close behind. Their previous rides together had been full of Josiah’s stories, thoughts, and ideas. But this ride was different, it was quiet. Trelawny was lost in thought, energy spent with none to spare on a façade. And Charles’ silence was reassuring in its own right.

The bounty hunters had been dealt with. Josiah had been rescued. There would be time to worry about everything else, time to tell Dutch everything he had learned. Time to pay back the gang for saving his life. For now though, the hooves of the horses and the whistling of birds the only sound for miles, there was just time enough for peace.

#{rebloggable}#red dead redemption fanfic #rdr2 fanfic #josiah trelawny #arthur morgan #red dead redemption 2 #{my writing}#((I might write a drabble after this when Trelawny gets back to camp with Charles))#((but this was just something I've wanted to write for a while so here #it goes right here for now haha))#((I'd also thread an rp based off of this too if anyone wants to rp! :D))

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