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#his closest most genuine friendships/relationships are with two people who are VERY similar

kyaa-q · 5 months

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A Train Wreck (part 1)

Lee Know x fem!reader warnings: fluff but heavy angst and themes of abusive relationships wc: 8k>. AO3 link :) synopsis: Your life has changed a lot throughout the past 6 months, since you started dating Jun. Events lead you to slowly distance yourself from some of the people you loved the most - Stray kids. Even your friendship with Bang Chan, your closest friend, was damaged after that day. Now, you find your life to be like an unstoppable train wreck hurtling toward disaster. You're gradually losing the bonds that had always kept you sane, for a serie of events that turned your world upside down. It feels inevitable: you will crash. Could someone help you avoid the collision? Could someone take the wheel with you, and help you get control over your life again? You don't know anymore. There's only one thing you do know: you are not welcomed and Lee Know, in particular, might hate you. And his opinion about you hurts more than you wanted it to.

Or: Y/N is in an abusive relationship and ends up distancing herself from her friends (Stray Kids). She thinks everybody hates her, especially Lee Know. She doesn't understand the effect he has on her (and vice-versa).

important a/n: This work deals a lot with topics of toxic/abusive relationship. There is no physical violence, but it does show cases of emotional manipulation and the potential impacts it can have over someone. The reader is in a toxic romantic relationship (I'm sorry to all Jun's out there), and the story is basically about how it affect not only the reader herself, but also the people around her who she held dear to her heart. It does contain a lot of self-doubt, anxiety, depressive thoughts and having your world reshaped by someone else, taking down important pillars to someone's life, finally facing what it means to have been deceived and accepting it (eventually). Having said all that, if you think this is a sensitive topic to you, please proceed with caution (if you choose to do so). I suck at tagging, but I hope this note made things a little clearer. In the end, it's supposed to be a way of comforting and healing - which will come, eventually -, especially with the help of someone else. I'm not sure how long this will be, but there's still a long way to go. Also, I use "Lee Know" and "Lee Minho" interchangeably, depends on the feeling. A final note is that this chapter has a lot of flashbacks of the past, so the timelines might be confusing to some, but hopefully it is clear enough and I can convey the message and feeling I aimed for. Lots of love, everybody!

You just finished ordering when your phone rings. Your stomach drops and you catch yourself being scared that it might be your partner, Jun. It hasn’t been an hour since the fight you two had over the phone, and if you were being completely honest, you can’t even recall the exact reason for the argument. What you do recall, though, is the aggressive silence, followed by yelling, aggressive silence again, a very passive-aggressive monologue about how you simply can’t understand. Why are you making things so difficult?, a quiet rage when you tried to speak, finally ending with Jun hanging up on you. In that order, specifically.

You force yourself to analyze the conversation. You remember calmly asking him where he had been the past few days. The overreaction you got threw you off. After days of complete silence from his end, could anyone actually blame you for genuinely being intrigued? Did that mean you were you a control freak? That you did you not trust him? That had never crossed your mind, for God’s sake! You only wanted to know! It was insane what he accused you of, for simply wondering whether he was busy or something similar. Suddenly trying to justify your question as coming from a place of sadness, not control, felt like a weakness. It didn't matter nonetheless, since he had hung up so abruptly. A mix of shame and guilt engulfed you, with a hint of anger that you very consciously denied.

Before you knew it, you were outside walking without direction, just desperate to unwind your mind. You hoped the fresh spring breeze healing powers would be enough. So, you walked and walked and walked, crossing streets and taking turns mindlessly. Or so you thought. You cursed your feet when you, at last, realized where they had dragged you, spotting the JYP-Entertainment building at one corner. A few buildings away, you remind yourself, your favorite coffee shop still stood. You actively deceived yourself, claiming that that is the place your feet had been leading you all along and resuming a much more determined march. It was the craving for coffee that had brought you here, you told yourself, and not the fear of running into any of the boys.

“Ma’am?” The cashier, a boy that probably is still in school, brings you back from your daze. He has a painfully obvious worried look on his face. Do I look on the outside as shitty as I feel in the inside? The phone stops ringing and you blink, hoping your mask is good enough to pull off a relaxed demeanor.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” You reach into your bag and aim for your wallet, doing your best to ignore the pity on that young boy’s eyes. Shame swirls inside your chest and you’re scared you might start crying in front of this poor kid.

You hand him the money and allow your eyes to wander around for a moment. The mechanical sounds the cash register makes are relaxing, and you take in the place you so dearly liked. You aren’t alone in the shop — in fact, it is quite busy for a Thursday afternoon. It is better this way, you think. The sensation of merging with the crowd and disappearing is welcoming. The boy hands over your change, and your phone starts ringing again.

The color of your face must have disappeared, by the look of the cashier’s face. “Can I do anything to-“

“Keep the change.” You smile once more, cutting him off. You turn around before he can finish his sentence and head to the farthest table you can spot. On your way, you wonder whether you look as pathetic on the outside as you feel on the inside. Without realizing it, you made a decision. The decision of avoiding Jun as if it could make anything better — as if it could even change anything by any means. You hated yourself for being scared, afraid of something you can’t exactly name. It couldn't be Jun. Why would it be? Apart from the occasional raised voice, he has never done anything to you. It's just a phone call, you tell yourself. If it goes downhill you can simply hang up, just like he did to you before. As simple as that. By the time you reach your seat, you're determined. This is foolish, you swear under your breath. Still, you hesitate to take the ringing phone out of your pocket — but end up doing it anyway.

The word Chris glowing on the screen feels like a cozy blanket being wrapped around your cold body. You must have audibly exhaled, perhaps muttered some thanks — whether to a higher being or to Chan himself, you're not sure — because you notice a few people turning their heads toward you . It’s okay, everybody! Everything is fine now!, you want to say. You clear your throat before answering it.

“Hey there.” Hopefully you don't sound so gloomy. You put in a double effort to sound as cheery as possible. Perhaps, if Chan believes you’re okay, you might as well just be.

“What’s wrong?” Straight to the point, you wince by the dry, clearly worried tone. Tough start.

You know Chan and the way he worries extensively about everything and everyone — not enough about himself, some would argue, but you'd slightly disagree. It’s simply part of his nature, you’ve learned. As much as you admired deeply his instinct to help, you did not want to be the object of such attention at that moment. He is a great friend – fuck, he is the best friend. In normal instances, you wouldn't hesitate before sharing your mind and soul with him. Right now, however, worrying him also meant being faced with too many questions, none of which you wanted to answer — perhaps not even knew the answer to. Not only that, you were also vaguely aware about the upcoming Stray Kids comeback in less than two months. Having witnessed the boys go through times like this firsthand before, the last thing you wanted was to add your name to the list of “Things That Keep Bang Chan Up At Night”. In reality, you knew he couldn't do anything about your situation regardless. Therefore, you conclude, worrying him would simply be counterproductive.

“Ouch. Not even a hello?” You play it off, fidgeting with your bag’s strap. You know you can't fool Chan. You shake your head to ward off the thoughts.

“Hello. What is wrong, Y/N?” He insists and you shift nervously in your chair. Your eyes travel to the cashier, who is talking to the barista, a boy as young as him, keeping them both in your line of sight. “Why didn’t you pick up the first time?” Chan questions.

“Is it that weird for me to not pick up immediately?” You joke quietly. You know Chan is not buying your act. “Actually. I think I should be the one asking you. Why do you sound so urgent? What is going on?” You deflect, but Chan doesn’t take the bait. He takes a deep breath, audibly through the speaker, and you feel bad for making things difficult for him — you really do. But you know it’s the best option. You will sort all the awkwardness in the future, hoping it won't be too late for it to have settled and stained your friendship irreversibly. You want to fill the silence, but your tongue feels heavy in your mouth.

Is it really the best option? What would be worse — telling Chan and burdening him with your own confusing problems, at least having him know what’s wrong, or avoiding talking about it? Certainly, he will sense that something is wrong, but at least he won’t feel bad for not helping if he doesn’t know exactly what’s going on.

But where to start?

Chris exhales audibly once more. “Nothing. I’m sorry.” He wants to insist, you can tell, but you’re thankful he’s holding back. “I just miss you.” He says it so softly the phone barely captures it. It hits you like a truck, and tears are rolling down your cheeks before you acknowledge them. The lump in your throat grows, and you're afraid your voice will betray you if you try to speak. “I haven’t seen you in weeks. When was the last time you came to the company?”

And it has been weeks - months, actually. You’re sure you can hear your own heart shattering like glass inside your chest. You can touch the sharp edges of the cracks and spot bruises that were supposed to have healed long ago but linger still. You miss him too. Not only Chan, but you you’re your routine with him and 3RACHA. You miss Changbin’s loud teasings and Han’s snuggles. You miss spending the hours on end holed up in a practice room with the eight of them, watching as they dance and sing and spin and fight and laugh, as if their own life depended on it. You were just a lucky spectator who has been very much avoiding the fact that you've been neglecting your most precious fortune. When did you become this mess of a person?

You’re bothering them. The male voice resonates in your mind and you close fiercely your eyes. You are not one of them, Y/N. You’re just being a nuisance all the time. Why can't you see it?

You try to stop it, but it's in vain. The memory memory comes back regardless.

“I never said I was one of them. That’s silly.” You replied as you entered the company’s elevator, followed by Jun. With your hands occupied holding plastic bags filled with snacks handpicked for each of the boys, you press the button with your elbow. “I just don’t think they see a problem with me coming over from time to time. It's not like I'm showing up every day." You glimpsed at your watch. You were early and Chris wouldn't be waiting for you. Perfect, you could surprise them. "You know, Channie was the one-“ He scoffed and you felt a puncture of guilt. “Chris.” You corrected yourself, not wanting to get into a fight because of this again. “Chris was the one who texted me asking if I was planning to come or not.” You tried to conceal the pride warming your chest with that statement.

“Maybe it’s because they just want to go home, but they can’t because there’s always the chance of you showing up out of nowhere. Have you ever thought about that?" His tone was harsh and took you by surprise. Actually… No. You have not thought about that, in fact. He inhaled deeply, massaging his temples in a sign of stress. “Of course not."

“I didn’t ask you to come.” You mumbled, fighting against the flush of shame on your cheeks. What if he's right? What if you've been bothering and annoying some of the most important people in your life this whole time, and they've just been putting up with you? Your heart sank at the thought.

“Babe.” Jun appeared in your line of sight and placed his hands on both your shoulders. "You know I'm only saying this because I love you, right? I just don’t want you to embarrass yourself in front of those people, that’s all." You tried to avoid his gaze, but he gently turned your chin and held it. "Okay?”

His voice was soft, but clear. Too loud for your ears, perhaps. The soft tone did not make it easier to absorb the painful words. It took you a moment to register that the elevator's bell had run the doors had already opened. Your partner stepped back, taking some of the bags from your hands and turning to exit. Had you been paying attention, you would've noticed the cynical smile on his face as he turned toward the figure standing at the entrance. You only registered the other party after Jun's venomous tone. “If you excuse us.”

The shadow, meanwhile, did not excuse him. He didn't move not even an inch to the side, and you caught Jun trying to pass by them smoothly - but failing. The figure didn't show to care when he bumped into him, murmuring curses under his breath that were very much audible. You turned your head and found, as already expected, Lee Know standing there. Nonchalantly, hands in the pockets of his jeans, you met his piercing dark gaze, already fixed on you - and you only. He paid as much attention to Jun as he'd do to a fleck of dust.

Although it had been about two months since you started dating Jun, all the boys had already met him. You held a habit of visiting them regularly at the company after being close to Chan for so long. Dating Jun hadn't stopped you from doing that, in fact, for some reason, he'd insist to come along. You tried questioning him if that came from a place of jealousy, but gave up after a few attempts. Mentioning Stray Kids was usually the motive for big arguments, which never led anywhere. Coming to the company to hang out obviously gave Jun as much amusement as he’d get from attending a seminar on top 10 best lore of teenager’s movies, and it was up to him how he spent his time. You actively did your best to dismiss his mean comments about the most insane things, be it the lightening of the place or the paint color they chose to paint this one specific wall or the supposed secretary’s rudeness. Every aspect of the building had something wrong with it that deserved a specific remark about it. Jun had learned not to make any unpleasant comments about - or even to - the boys. That was the only instance you would not let slide. In return, you learned to let him rant about how god damn cold or hot or crowded or empty the building was.

You never told Chan - or anyone, for that matter - about it. Practically any of the members, even Chris himself, had ever explicitly stated whether they liked or disliked Jun, and you never asked them directly. They maintained an awkwardly polite demeanor in Jun’s presence. At least they tried to keep it civilized, even when Jun was being difficult. Well, practically because there was one exception.

Lee Minho clearly disliked your boyfriend, and the feeling was mutual from day one. The first day Jun came along and you introduced him to your friends, they were all respectful and dealt fairly well with Jun’s special ironic remarks. Minho, on the other hand, had withdrawn into a state of heavy silence and deadly stares that alternated between you and Jun. You tried to ignore it, initially, not giving it too much thought. That was until Minho questioned, in a very audible and shameless, almost whiny voice, 'Ah, Hyung! When is this thing leaving? It’s so annoying.'

Before you could decide whether you’d argue with Minho or Jun, your short-tempered partner was already looking, outraged, for the source of the voice. You grabbed his arms and tried to drag him toward the door, saying goodbye to the boys with a hasty 'Yes, I’ll see you soon! Take care!' And, 'Let’s go, Jun, we have to—'

But as you left the room, both you and Jun saw that Minho had stood up and was leaning proudly against the wall. His deadly stare had followed you to the exit and you caught when the shadows on his face gave place to a malicious smile forming on his lips. He was looking at Jun, as he gave a tiny wave, somehow a sign of imminent violence. Just before you closed the door, you couldn't stop the shiver running down your spine when you noticed he was staring at you. You couldn't read what they said, but your stomach churned nonetheless.

Minho was the primary target of your boyfriend’s distaste ever since, and a common fight motive. Jun had always been the type to overthink, but it was ridiculously worse when it came to Lee Know - which was tragically hilarious. From all the eight, he had chosen Lee Minho to pick on? You'd try to argue, but his reply would always come to You can’t be this blind. It was maddening, always as if you were both arguing about two completely different things.

Thus, you weren't surprised to find Lee Know in front of you - that particular mocking tone coming from Jun in If you excuse us, would only be used with Minho. What did surprise you, however, was Minho himself. Standing as still as a statue in front of you, the man emanated annoyance and deep displeasure. His dark eyes exuded an anger you were certain you could touch. It made the air surrounding you heavier and colder. The chill reflected in your stomach as your face grew hotter. You couldn't look away, as if you were under a spell - and perhaps you were. You didn’t know if you wanted to scream, to run, or to hide. Maybe all three options. The knowledge you were the reason behind this anger was as clear as running fresh water, and it gave you goosebumps. Somehow, it wasn’t a question. You didn’t know what you could’ve done to trigger such fierce feelings from Lee Know. Although his feelings were as transparent as clean glass, you were unable to read his thoughts. Honestly, you weren’t sure you even wanted to.

How long it passed, you couldn’t tell. How long you stood there, pitiful and unable to move or look away, a mess of flushed face and glassy eyes, remains unclear to you to this day. What was very clear even at that time, however, was the shadow of disappointment you spot on the vastness of his deep dark eyes the moment before he turned around. He walked to the opposite direction of the hallway without saying a word. The abrupt withdraw left bad taste in your mouth. The spell was broken and you could breathe again, but the air was too icy in your lungs, making you wonder whether it'd be better to go back underwater - to be back under his gaze. That shadow of disappointment in his eyes persisted like an annoying fly you couldn’t shoo away, accompanied by a heavy weight in your chest.

“What the fuck was that?” The angry whisper suddenly reminded you that you weren’t alone. You might as well have been, though. The world could have ended and the universe collapsed at that very moment, and yet, staring into Lee Know’s eyes, you knew it wouldn’t make any difference. Under his gaze, you wouldn’t have noticed anyone but you and him. Your eyes followed the dark spot going down the corridor, until the moment he finally took a turn and disappeared completely. You collapsed against the elevator’s wall, finally breathing in as deep as you could until your lungs ache. Hold for one. Two. Three. Four. Exhale.

“Hello? What the fuck Y/N?” For a moment you considered yelling at Jun. You felt your nerves on the surface of your skin, and your heartbeat was distractingly loud in your head.

“I don’t know.” You breathed out, realizing that, in fact, you didn't have energy to fight. Your legs were unsteady and you realized your hands were shaking. The fog in your mind dissipated a little, and the pleas in your mind for Minho to come back died out. You tighten the grip on the left bags on your hands and push yourself forward. In automatic mode, you got out the elevator and headed to the first and closest safe place your mind could think of: 3RACHA’s Studio.

Perhaps you should have realized that you were heading in the same direction you had just seen him go, only a few minutes before. That you would, unavoidably, end up facing Lee Know again - although 3RACHA’s Studio wasn’t the only active room on that floor, that was the most obvious conclusion to arrive at. Maybe you knew it, unconsciously. Today, you wonder if you didn’t turn back that day simply because following Minho was like an instinct. You were confused, sad and scared, but still, going to Minho felt as natural as searching for a shelter during a storm. In this case, Minho was both the storm and the shelter. You should’ve turned your back and gone home, but you didn’t. Your mind was a hurricane of confusing feelings and images that, in the end, returned to the same name being chanted again and again. Lee Know Lee Know Lee Know.

Jun kept saying things you didn’t register. His voice was just a bit more than an agitated whisper, and you wished he would just shut up. Or even better, stayed at home. The doubts and fears resurfaced and you couldn’t shake them away. What if he was right? What if what had just happened was a statement of how much you annoyed and bothered this people?

Did they hate you that much?

As this last thought crossed your mind, a loud thud echoed, followed by a harsh voice. You froze, realizing it was emanating from 3RACHA’s Studio, and the door was half-open.

“Why is it still going on? It’s ridiculous!” It was… Minho? Could it be? You had never seen him raise his voice in anger - at least not seriously. It was unmistakably Minho, but the so intense anger was foreign to you. You couldn’t place it to the so coldhearted and detached person that Minho had always shown.

“YA! Don’t go around slamming things!” Changbin’s scolding came even louder, followed by mumbles you thought was Han's, but they were too muffled by the distance and walls to be sure.

They were fighting. They were very seriously fighting, and the realization sank in.

You should run. Run run run. Something was so clearly and deeply wrong. You should not be here. Now. Run.

Your members didn't follow your mind’s orders, and you caught yourself frozen in place.

You couldn’t move.

Your eyes snapped to your left, where Jun started moving. The sparkle of hope was extinguished when you realized he was moving forward, and not back to the elevator. He took one step closer to the door, and then another. Slowly, but surely trying to get a better listen. This isn't right.

“What do you want us to do, Minho?” Chan’s voice was also alien. The hasty, firm and contained anger just didn’t fit his patient personality. “Should we yell at her? That’s your solution?”

Her. Obviously this was about you. The word solution haunts you to this day, but even back then, the harm was starting to settle in. The need of a solution arises from the existence of a problem. You. In the end, you were the problem they were looking for a solution for.

“I can’t do this.” It was Lee Know again. Although his voice was much lower, it was as clear as it would’ve been if you were in that room with them. Pain and exhaustion overflowed from his words, and you felt their weight on your own face, in the form of tears that welled up and streamed down nonstop. His agony was overwhelming, and you felt as if your own heart was a broken dam. “I can’t, Hyung.” It was getting harder to understand his words - not only for the walls muffling them, but also for your own heartbeat was deafening. For a moment, you considered whether they could hear it too.

You sized your options. First, you could casually knock on the door and hand them the bags – somehow still in your hands –, then find an excuse to leave right after. Oh, sorry! I’m super busy, just wanted to give you guys these. No, it’s fine! Enjoy! It could work. Except the atmosphere inside was beyond intimidating. You would never be able to put on such an act that convinced them you weren't listening. The second option was simply leaving the bags in front of the door and leaving instantly. You shook your head, discarding the idea as soon as it happened. Leaving without saying a word would be a clear statement that you heard them, then felt bad and left. While it was precisely what had happened, you did not want them to know that. No, you couldn’t bear having Chan forcibly explaining to you in which ways you were a problem to the boys. The fact that he felt this way - or at least knew the others did - and had not talked to you prior stung at the back of your brain. Lastly, you could just leave. Dragging Jun and all the bags, you would leave no traces behind and, hopefully, Minho would think you didn’t even leave the elevator. Maybe he would think you had seen him and finally realized you were not welcome, then you had made the smartest choice – the one you should definitely have taken – and had gone straight home. He would ignore it and not mention it and-

Shouts suddenly pulled out from of your daze.

“GONE! OUT OF HERE! OUT OF MY FUCKING SIGHT!” Someone vociferated, followed by the sounds of a chair being dragged and steps. You grabbed Jun's hand and started pulling him after you before you even register doing the action. Desperately going back to the direction you both came from, you prayed to find an unlocked door before anyone heard your footsteps and plastic sounds. Not sure how, your pleas were quickly answered. In a moment of despair, trying to open an unknown door, you pushed both you and Jun inside the empty dark room. Shortly afyer you shut the door and locked it, hoping the thud noise went unnoticed.

“Are you crazy?” As soon as he started, you dropped all the plastic bags and covered his mouth with both hands. You closed your eyes – to avoid the tears that threatened to spill or to hear if anyone had left the studio and came after you, you didn’t know. Regardless, you couldn’t hear anything over your heartbeat and a high buzz in your ears.

“Y/N?” You blink, coming back to the present. You open your eyes, and the barista is in front of your table holding your coffee. You notice his uncomfortable gaze and blush in embarrassment, murmuring thanks and apologies as he hands you the cup and leaves. He must’ve called you and you didn’t hear, giving him extra trouble to leave his spot and hand it to you personally.

It can also be due the tears flowing uninterruptedly on your face. Who knows.

You look at the black screen on your hand, laying on your lap now. You unlock your phone and blink to try to clean your vision from the tears, regardless, there is no new notifications. You can't recall the conversation with Chan exactly - if it could even be called a conversation. You don't know whether it was you or Chan who hung up, or even if you got to say goodbye. Had he noticed you crying?

You stare at the ceiling, doing your best to stop the tears. That was the last time you went to the company, and that was months ago. You miss Chan. You miss Changbin and Han. You miss spending the afternoon simply watching them working on music. You miss how they were loud and lively and intense. You miss how you felt when you were with them, and knowing that the feeling was only one sided broke your heart in ways you have no idea how to heal. You can’t shake the feeling of losing them - it seemed inevitable, and you wanted to scream.

You don't know why you act the way you do - running away since then. Evidently, it wouldn't magically make things right again. It wouldn't wipe out your memories of that day, or care less, for that matter. Some of the dearest people in your life thought of you as a problem to be solved, and it simply hurt. Minho’s anger and disdain were far too ingrained in your brain. You’ve been ignoring the acute pain that always followed remembering his exasperation and fury. Gone, he had shouted at the top of his lungs. He wanted you gone and couldn’t fathom why no one had talked to you yet. Honestly, it's hard for you to not question the same.

Something very solid and real had broken inside you that day. Your attempt to pretend nothing happened was reinforced by the fact that, that day, Minho had, indeed, did what you hoped he would do. You texted Chan a little after, apologizing for not showing up, and he didn't say anything about you being there. Minho hadn’t told them about meeting you, and you felt relieved – maybe you could work things out by yourself, without having to make things even harder for them. You still didn't know how - but you planned on finding out.

The weeks that followed that incident were a messy blur. Thankfully, Jun didn’t mind your absentmindedness. It didn't bother him – interacting was an action that had to come from your end, and, since your mind was preoccupied with something else, he wouldn’t even try pulling you out from your thoughts. You couldn’t focus on anything else for too long, your thoughts would always, somehow, end on Minho’s resentment. On Minho's angry pleas to the winds for you to go away. On Minho's eyes. On Minho. Minho. It drove you mad. You felt bad and didn't want to admit you resented Chan a little. As you learned, asking Jun for advice proved to be completely unhelpful – in fact, it made things worse most of times. The situation was as clear as crystal to him: the boys were busy people, while you were someone desperately clinging to their attention, and, in the end, it saturated them. They were also not assholes - except that guy, he'd add - and that’s why they had been trying to give you hints. Then, you could arrive at the conclusion yourself, and there wouldn't be a need to go through the confrontational phase. Unfortunately, you hadn’t done your part and didn’t read between the lines, that's why you stood where you did. Why are you so upset about it? Fuck them! I never liked those guys anyway, and variations would usually put an end to the "conversation".

At work, however, you didn’t have the comfort of having your absentmindedness be dismissed. That was quickly noticeable not only by your clients and colleagues, but also by your manager. He was a patient man, but seemed to be in a permanent state of exhaustion and you guessed that's what capitalism did to a person. He never raised his voice and treated employees as human beings – an unprecedented event according to your own experience -, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have the company as top priority. He tried to listen and help, but wouldn’t hesitate to fire someone if they messed up. The first time you were called to his office, he questioned, impassive, about the embarrassing decline in your productivity. He didn’t seem exactly worried - employees had ups and downs all the time. You tended to overwork yourself, and, although you weren't the employee of the month, you knew you did a good job overall - so did your superior. “It’s just proceeding, you know?”

The downs persisted, unfortunately, and two weeks later you were called again. This time, his approach was more assertive and concerned.

“You can’t stay like this, Y/N.” He turned the monitor on his desk to face you, showing the numbers you had missed the last 15 days. “What is going on?”

“I’m sorry, sir.” You bowed deeply one more time, having no explanations or justifications for your bad performance. You couldn’t tell your manager you had your confidence undermined, that you were questioning every single act and interaction you had. You couldn’t tell your superior how deeply you missed your friends, missed love and hugs and affection and care. You missed yourself. You couldn’t tell him about the constant presence in your head that kept saying you were doing everything wrong. Everything. All your achievements, be they your job or your relationships - all of them were product of luck and you clearly weren’t good enough to keep them. Chan instantly came to mind. Even though he was texting you regularly, you couldn't get rid of the overwhelming sadness gripping your neck and kept your replies short. Obviously he had noticed, but respected your space - he stopped asking what was wrong after the first week. Knowing him, it was good that he didn’t know where you live, and that his own job kept him busy through day and night, or else you were certain he would’ve shown up at your door already. “It’s all my fault and I am deeply sorry I am bringing losses to the company and-"

“Y/N.” Your manager cut you, “When was the last time you slept?”

Confused, you blinked. “Excuse me?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “That answers it. You need to see a doctor.”

“I’m fine.” You raised your hands in surrender. “I promise, I don’t need to-“

“You can be a lot of things, Y/N. Sleep-deprived. Careless. Stressful. Anything but fine.” You flinched on the bluntness.

“Don’t you mean stressed?” You mumbled, embarrassed, trying to play off a joke.

“No, I said what I meant. Stressful. I cannot go on even for one more day if I look at my window one more time and see you staring blankly at your hands for God knows how long.” Before you could protest, he stopped you again. “I’m serious. I can’t afford the trouble of having an employee passing out because of lack of sleep. Take the rest of the day off and go to the hospital to get checked up. Come back tomorrow with the results in hand stating you are not dying or turning into a damn zombie.”

Left with no choice, you headed to the hospital. The feeling of guilt lingered in your chest a little, wondering if the insomniac nights were obvious in the dark bags under your eyes, if your anxiety was that evident in your eyes, words and walking.

You expected your health to be in check. You were certain modern medicine wasn’t capable of curing broken hearts yet – unfortunately. In worst case scenario, you’d probably walk out with a prescription to help you sleep and that’d be all. You took a deep breath before going in.

“Y/N?!”

Your body reacted before your mind and your eyes snapped in the direction of the source – Chris. He was already walking toward you, emerging from inside the huge building you had been staring at. You wondered if you were finally at the stage of hallucinations, and perhaps it was good it was happening next to a hospital - but this thought soon evaporated. Before you registered your own actions, you were also walking toward him, falling into the so missed and familiar hug your heart ached for.

It was the first time meeting Chan in almost a month. Usually, it wouldn’t have been a big thing, but it was for you. Your heart had been bleeding out for the past four weeks, and you hadn’t found a way to stop the pain. Chris was instant medicine, one that you had been actively depriving yourself of. You allowed yourself to be selfish for a moment. It was okay if you disturbed them and if you were an overall headache to them. In that moment, though, it was just you and Chris. You let yourself to believe that the love and appreciation you received from him were as real as they felt.

“Hi.” You murmured against his chest, inhaling his familiar perfume. His body vibrated with a chuckle, backing off just enough to look you in the eyes.

It was short, but you saw when the fun and joyful semblance turned into a concerned expression. You thought you sensed Chan becoming rigid, stiffening the hold on your shoulders just a little, as if you could run away if he let you. You remembered how you awfully sick and tired you might look. “How are yo-“

“I’m fine.” You cut off him, not being able to hold back a smile. “Do I look that terrible?”

He shifted, trying to cover up for his shameless stare. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.”

Your smile widened; it was so easy to mess with him. “I’m just joking. I’m really fine, though.”

He glanced at you suspiciously. You could’ve well said you won the Olympics, and a quick look at you was enough to say that both of those things – being fine and winning the Olympics – were equally unlikely. And you didn’t account for the fact he had caught you standing in front of a hospital, just about to go in. Then it clicked, a hospital he just walked out of.

“Wait, what were you doing there? Are you okay?” It was your time to shamelessly look for wounds and signs that could hint if there was anything wrong with Chris. You noticed his clothes – shorts and a black long-sleeve shirt, it’s not something he’d normally wear outside, and rather stay inside working or even practicing.

He laughed shortly. “I am fine. Jeongin had an accident during practice and-“

“Jeongin had an accident?” Your voice was high pitched. Your eyes shifted to the entrance, past Chan, and you tensed, afraid you could see a badly hurt I.N.

“He is fine, Y/N.” He put his hand on the top of your head and turned it back to him. Looking into his eyes, you searched but found no traces of lying. Indeed, Chan looked quite chill, given the circumstances. “We feared he had a strained ligament or something, but he’s fine. I'll still hurt for the next few days, for sure. But he'll survive."

You breathed out in relief. “That’s great.” The story also explained his clothes.

Chan smiled at your concern. “Actually, they should be here at any minute now.” He glanced at the watch on his wrist.

“They?” You looked at him puzzled, but as if waiting for its cue, a loud calling Hyung! drew his attention.

When he turned around, keeping one hand gently on your elbow, he stepped aside and gave you a clear vision of the hospital's entrance.

Your heart caught in your throat. It wasn’t the imagery of an injured Jeongin, who limped just a little toward you and Chan, using a crutch to support his body. Oblivious, you didn’t even notice the way he was happily surprised to see you after so long, his dimples showing even after he had just left the hospital.

No. In all honesty, you had barely registered Jeongin’s presence at all at first. Instead, your eyes met with the figure following him, just slightly behind. The simplicity of the large white shirt and gray sweatpants would have made anyone else look comfortable, casual at most – but Lee Know wasn’t just anyone else. He wasn’t just comfortable or casual. He was so goddamn attractive - he was hot, you dared. His dark hair was even longer than it was the month prior, falling a little on his eyes depending on the movement of his face, and you had the urge to place a lock behind his ear.

He stopped walking suddenly, his gaze locking with yours. In that moment you knew the word that best described Minho: breathtaking – quite literally.

It lasted for a moment. Chan called for I.N and Minho started walking in your direction. Your eyes instantly deviated from his, and you forced yourself to focus on the maknae, rather than the burning stare coming from Minho or the blood flow running in your ears.

“Y/N!” Jeongin smile was contagious.

“Hey there, baby bread! How are you feeling?” You wanted to hug him, but you were unsure about his injuries, so you chose to stick with the smiling. Lee Know caught up to you all and placed himself by Jeongin's side.

“Oh, it’s nothing serious.” You saw him blushing. “This thing helps," he jiggled the crutch, "but it makes it seem way worse than it actually is. Ice will do just fine.”

“I’m glad you’re feeling better, Innie”. You smiled at him, and he smiled back. Keeping your hands in front of your body, highly conscious - conscious of your posture, choice of clothes, and greasy hair. You felt like a prey being watched by a predator – but choosing to avoid the predator’s eyes instead.

“What’s wrong with you?” Although Minho’s voice didn’t carry any resentment or accusation, you still winced. The sensation was like having a burnt hand and then someone grabbing it and placing it under a stream of cold water for relief. Yes, the relief would come right after, but first came the moment of shock and instinct to move away, before realizing how much you needed the cold water (his voice?) to relieve the pain of your burnt hand (your heart?).

“Come on, Lino. That’s not how you greet people.” Chan began, glancing at you apologetically. Unable to ignore him any longer, you let your eyes shift towards him.

His expression was a mystery, as hard as if it were sculpted in marble. Minho's face revealed no emotions, nor did his words. The bluntness could be mistaken by indifference, still his gaze was intense, making it hard to breathe and sending chills down your spine.

“Why would anything be wrong?” You questioned. Your voice somehow didn’t shake, and you hope you didn’t look as affected as you felt.

“Because I have eyes.” You felt your face growing hotter. “And because you are in front of a hospital. What is wrong?” A sparkle of defiance lit in your chest – you owed him nothing. In fact, last time you checked, Lee Minho had made it very clear he did not want to see you.

“That’s not nice, Minho.” Chan scolded him, more fiercely this time.

“No, Chan.” You began, smiling warmly at Chris. He had so much on his shoulders already, you wouldn’t let Minho become another topic of trouble for him. “I’m fine, Minho. I’m here only to get checked up. Routine, that’s all.” You sustained his gaze with one of your own, hands held in fist so tight you’d later find red marks on your palms.

Minho raised a brow, almost mocking your poor explanation. The maknae spoke before him, “Are you sure you are well, Y/N?” The gentleness appeased your heart.

“You have to be joking.” Lee Know scoffed, apparently to himself but audibly to all of you. He was infuriating, daring to demand answers he had absolutely no right over! Why was he pressing on this? Why did it matter, anyway? Before you launched on him, Chan spoke.

“Okay! We’re done here.” He felt the weird energy between you two and wanted to prevent a war. “The driver is waiting for us, we need to go back. I.N, can you walk by yourself?”

“Yes, Hyung.” The maknae responded, particularly confused for the sudden shift but not daring to ask any questions.

Chan clapped “Okay, great. Minho, let’s-“

“I’m staying.” Minho said simply, placing himself by your side. Both you and Chan turned your heads to him abruptly.

“You are what?” You stepped away from him in disbelief. Your voice was a little higher than you wished. His face remained impassive, but there was something in his eyes that you quite put your finger on. “No, you are not.”

“Oh, come on. I’m not gonna do anything to you.” He exasperated.

You tried to sense his motives, but it made so little sense that it was hard to put some logic into it. Did he get some twisted pleasure from upsetting you? It could be. But again, not a month had passed after the incident at the company. Back then, the sight of you had triggered as far as rage in him. But even now, he didn't look exactly the type of person that was getting any satisfaction from being in your presence.

Chan’s tone was serious. “Minho,” His eyes left yours and shifted to the oldest, changing his demeanor in a bit. His posture was rigid, but his gaze carried a determined defiance. “What is going on?”

Minho pointed at you without adverting his eyes from Chan. You gasped angrily, about to protest, but he didn’t give you the space. “She is going on, hyung. Look at her. If not for the obvious signs of being ill, then for the fact she’s missing work to come to the hospital.”

You argued. “I’m missing work because my boss told me to!"

“Which only proves my point.” He continued, letting his hand fall right by his side. “Something is so obviously wrong that it was up to her boss to step in, or else I doubt she’d come by herself.”

Ouch. “Listen." You interrupted. "I don't know what's going on with you, but you’re making it way bigger than it actually is. I am okay and I most definitely do not need your help.” You glanced at Chris, but his attention was still directed to Minho. You could see the gears working in his head, but you decided it was time to leave. “It was great seeing you guys. I mean it. But I really don't have time for this. If you excuse me.” You turned your back and tried to leave, but in vain. Not even two steps later did a hand wrap around one of your wrists. Minho’s hold was gentle, but firm, and you tried to hide de burning in your cheeks. “YA!”

He pulled you closer than you were before, and his voice was deeper when he spoke. “How long has it been since you last saw your boyfriend?” You were dizzy. The sudden shift in subject, accompanied by the warmth Minho's hand transmitted to your wrist and the disdain he had put into the word 'boyfriend,' clouded your thinking.

“Jun?” You blinked, trying to disperse the fog, but the scent of his perfume was inebriating. Minho was too close. “I saw him yesterday.”

“You saw him yesterday?” Minho’s voice had a hint of disbelief, and he searched for lies in your eyes. You saw him becoming tense, and you prepared to feel his grip tightening, but the hold on your wrist remained the same. “Are you sure?”

“What?! Of course I am sure! What kind of question is that?” Angrily, you pulled your wrist away from his grasp. He let you, keeping his stare a little longer. “What is wrong with you?!” You turned your eyes to Chris, begging a way out of this insanity. You caught I.N behind him, almost as uncomfortable with the scene as you were. Chan sustained Minho’s gaze for a moment, and your eyes darted between the two of them. No words were spoken, but obviously they weren't needed. The silent conversation through telepathy or whatever the sorcery clearly didn't include you.

After what seemed like forever, Chan sighed, defeated. “Okay. Y/N," he turned to you. "do you mind if he accompanies you?”

“What?! This is madness! Of course I mind. I’m not a child!” You begged.

“It’s not that, sweetheart.” He got closer and you let him when he pulled you to a hug. “We’re just worried about you. We all know you’re very much capable of taking care of yourself.” He added the last phrase when he felt you were about to protest. “We just want to make sure you are okay and can go home safely afterwards.”

“I can do this by myself.” You mumbled.

“I know, I know. But Lee Know can’t. He won’t be able to rest if he doesn’t make sure you’re safe and sound.” He kissed your forehead. “And my mind will also be at ease if I know you’re with him.”

After a moment, you sighed. “Fine.” You accepted reluctantly, stepping away as Chan positioned himself next to the waiting maknae.

“Thank you, Y/N. You’re amazing. Lemme know how things go, yea?” Chan’s warm smile was impossible to be angry about. You nodded with your head and waved a tiny goodbye to I.N and watched them walk away.

Lee Know, didn't move an inch throughout the entire time. When you turned to him, somehow, he seemed relaxed. Even his eyes had changed. Although they still carried a wince of something unknown - similar to concern but deeper in a way -, they were calmer. They were almost… gentle. It could’ve made you mad. He had made a huge thing out of nothing, stressed both you and Chris, and now dared to look at you with tenderness in his eyes. You exhaled, knowing it'd be pointless to yell at him. You were exhausted and had no energy spared to bicker. His motives was still undisclosed, but perhaps they weren’t important right now. You decided that your main task was to get whatever prescription as easily as possible, and then have a doctor to state you were not about to collapse. Then, not only would it solve the matter with your boss, but also it meant you would finally get rid of the man in front of you.

Okay, that sounds like a plan.

“Shall we?” Minho reached out his hand with an overly soft voice. You rolled your eyes.

"Weirdo." You cursed under your breath and avoided his hand, heading, finally, straight to the entrance. You did take note of the small chuckle he let out, and how he smoothly followed you behind.

#lee know x reader #lee minho x reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids fanfic #skz fanfic

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hetamavi · 3 years

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America’s Dishonesty

Credit goes to Hetarchive for translated content. America has issues with being honest with his feelings. Really big issues at that.

America can read the atmosphere, he just chooses not to. His tactlessness is a choice and, unlike someone like England who is also dishonest but still transparent with his real feelings, America’s tactless act is more convincing and he rarely drops it. Even feeling like he had to express concern for England clearly annoyed him (and it was described as uncharacteristic for him to act concerned at all).

Because he’s not as transparent as someone like England and is even less willing than him to be honest about his feelings, he can sometimes do hurtful things and it’s probably harder to understand where you really stand with him. On two different occasions, his way of getting England to act more like himself involved him doing things that clearly hurt England’s feelings. Those moments were when he pretended to be happy England died so he’d wake back up (”The Long-Awaited Deep Emotion is Ruined”) and when he lied to England about remembering England’s pain from the Revolution fondly (”Happy Birthday!”). In the latter instance, England even looked like he was close to tears before America admitted he lied. This sort of behavior is maybe more understandable in the instance where England needed a shock (when he was trying to wake England back up), but otherwise, it’s a very unconventional way of comforting someone that gets around directly doing the “comforting” part.

And while it’s usually England we see on the receiving end of this behavior (probably because England puts in a lot of effort to be closer with him), it is not just him that America acts this way with. Another notable character who America is also very close with that gets this treatment is Canada. America is aware of Canada’s insecurities, but doesn’t make any attempt to resolve the tension between himself and Canada. Instead, after catching Canada trying to have a stronger presence, he acts like his usual tactless self, makes a vague comment on Canada being fine the way he is, and only reflects on what he admires about Canada in comparison to himself when he’s alone.

He’s also pretty passive aggressive. In one strip about his relationship with Russia, fittingly titled “What’s going on Behind Those Smiles...?!”, America and Russia insist their bad relationship is ancient history (even though the Cold War lasted until relatively pretty recently - ending in 1991 with the dissolvement of the USSR) only to follow up with a lot of stuff that contradicts that claim. First, Russia says he wanted to “squeeze and snap” America in the past and America, acting like his usual cheerful stuff, actually challenges him to give it a try. Russia then starts talking about all the reasons he hated America in the first place before admitting he still wants to smash America’s glasses into pieces. Then, he and America (who heard all of that) go back to cheerfully insisting their relationship isn’t that bad.

To make things clear, this isn’t to say that everything we usually get from America (that being his cheerful personality) is an example of him being dishonest. In a lot of ways that would take too long to go through here, he’s actually unapologetically himself. But there’s some clear discomfort when it comes to things like affection, opening up about his insecurities, and directly addressing negativity - whether that negativity be from others or himself.

Why?

I think there’s two potential reasons for why he’s written this way. One is a real life explanation. Some of America’s characteristics mirror behaviors of real Americans being polite.

Maybe the best example of this is the frequent smiling. In the United States, instead of smiling being an indication of genuine happy feelings, it’s often just the polite thing to do. There’s also the fact that even though that kind of friendliness has been normalized as the polite way to act, Americans don’t care for being touched and like personal space more than what you’d see in many other countries.

It’s possible those cultural norms made Hima want America to have similar contradictory behavior. He’s friendly and cheerful to an overwhelming extent, but he keeps the people closest to him at a distance and he keeps up his happy-go-lucky attitude even when that’s not actually how he’s feeling.

The reasoning in Hetalia itself likely comes from his colonial days and the Revolution that followed. He didn’t get to socialize a lot as a kid. His most significant relationship was with a mentor that lived across an ocean and was mostly not around. So it’s not surprising America is lacking in social skills like resolving conflicts and dealing with negative emotions towards and from others. Those aren’t things you can learn from burying yourself in books on politics.

But why does it sometimes feel like he’s almost deliberately pushing other characters away in some instances?

America probably is deliberately pushing those characters away. Again, his most significant relationship as a kid was with a distant mentor that, because of his own shortcomings with other people, was emotionally invested in his relationship with America to an overwhelming extent. And to say it ended poorly would be an understatement. Things got violent, his relationship with Canada soured as well, and many nights after the conflict were spent with no sleep and him worrying over how to fix things with England. America gave up a lot for Independence, including being able to rely on the two most important people in his life - nearly the only people in his life - as people that would be there for him. And throughout all of that, there was probably a point where his relationship with England seemed like it might be beyond repair. This kind of stuff leaves a lasting impact on a person, especially someone as young and inexperienced with people as America was. Even though America wants the company and friendship of others, he’s handling things in a way that maximizes how comfortable and safe he feels in these relationships. He’ll pick England to dress up with for Halloween, but only if he can get England to think he was picked for an insignificant reason like being his first Twitter follower. This keeps a distance between the two that keeps America feeling safe from once again experiencing the pain he endured from prior experiences. But not being understood by even those closest to you is a very lonely experience and as a result, America finds himself in a tough position of trying to alleviate his loneliness with loud, attention-seeking behavior while never making much of an effort to deepen the friendships he has or even actively sabotaging the efforts of the other person who is trying.

#hetalia #aph america #hws america #aph england #hws england #aph canada #hws canada #aph russia #hws russia

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no-reply95 · 3 years

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Jealous Guys

Something I’ve been thinking about for a while now is the different ways jealousy manifested for John and Paul over the course of their friendship.

I’m going to look at John and Paul in turn and have a look at some of the key ways jealousy appeared, before, during and after the Beatles period. This will be a looooong post so if you want to go on deep dive keep reading below.

John

Jealousy was something that John acknowledged as a big part of his personality, as far as I’m aware, he only acknowledged his jealousy publicly in terms of his relationship with Yoko but I believe jealousy was a feature of all of John’s major relationships. John’s first real partnership was with Pete Shotton, his childhood best friend, and Pete has outlined how John’s jealousy and possessiveness was a feature in their friendship with them falling out when Pete first started showing interest in girls and with John acting out when Pete started to spend more time with other friends, instead of him, here Pete recounts John’s reflection on this period of their friendship:

“Years later John confessed to having felt acutely jealous throughout that interlude: “I was scared shitless I’d lost you after our fight in science class, when you starting playing with David Jones. I really thought I’d gone too far with you that time.“

Pete Shotton, John Lennon: In My Life , 1983

Pete’s recollections establish a pattern in John’s life of acting out due to a fear of abandonment and losing those who are closest to him so it’s not surprising that once John had formed a strong bond with Paul that would stir similar fears in him.

Below I’ve categorised the groups of people that were the focus of John’s jealousy and have picked one person from each group as an example:

Family - Jim McCartney

Paul’s family was and continues to be a big part of his life. From the outset of their friendship, John was made aware of how important Jim was to Paul and vice versa. John and Paul had to skip school to hang out together because Jim wouldn’t have John in their house initially and John confessed his resentment of Jim’s influence over Paul’s life. It appears that after some time John grew tired of having to contend with Jim for the position of the most important person in Paul’s life, and this culminated in John giving Paul a pseudo ultimatum as John discussed in 1971:

“But Paul would always give in to his dad. His dad told him to get a job, he fucking dropped the group and started working on the fucking lorries, saying, "I need a steady career." We couldn't believe it… “So I told him on the phone, "Either come or you're out." So he had to make a decision between me and his dad then, and in the end he chose me”

St. Regis Hotel interview, Sept. 5, 1971

Friends - Mal Evans

Throughout the active years of the band it was typical of them to refer to each other as their best friends and, given the lives they led, I think the simple fact that no one else could understand what it was like to be a Beatle would have meant they all shared a special bond. However, they all had friendships outside of the band and this was something that could cause issues for John when it came to Paul.

According to Tune In, Mal initially became friends with Paul during the band's initial shows at the Cavern Club then, after a suggestion from George, Mal became a part of the Beatles entourage thereafter. Mal had friendships with all the Beatles, as part of their inner circle, but from his comments it appears John took umbrage with the closeness of Mal’s friendship with Paul:

“Paul would suddenly come in with this circle saying, “This is Magical Mystery Tour, will you write that bit?” And I was choked that he’d arranged it all with Mal anyway, for a kickoff, and had all this idea going”

St. Regis Hotel interview, Sept. 5, 1971

Mal also comes up when John discusses his recollections of the writing of Eleanor Rigby:

“So rather than ask me, “John, do these lyrics—” Because by that period, he didn’t want to say that – to me. Okay? So what he would say was, “Hey, you guys, finish off the lyrics,”... “ Now, I sat there with Mal Evans, a road manager who was a telephone installer, and Neil Aspinall, who was a not-completed student accountant who became our road manager. And I was insulted and hurt that he’d thrown it out in the air”...” There might be a version that they contributed, but there isn’t a line in there that they put in.“

Playboy interview, David Sheff 1980

John’s discomfort with the closeness of Paul’s relationship with Mal was something that wasn’t lost on Mal’s wife Lil:

“He was always at their beck and call. He was a nice fella to have around, so much so that it could provoke little jealousies within the band. When I met Yoko years after Mal died, she said John had told her he’d been very jealous at one point of Mal’s relationship with Paul.”

Lil Evans interview with Ray Connolly, 2005

Love interests - Linda McCartney

Throughout their friendship both John and Paul had quite a few love interests, which (to varying degrees) prompted jealousy between them.

Although John displayed jealousy of a few of Paul’s love interests this was no more apparent than with Paul’s first wife Linda McCartney, which is confirmed by both John’s words and actions regarding Linda and her partnership with Paul:

“"Then Klein informed Lennon that McCartney had secretly been increasing his stake in Northern Songs. ‘John flew into a rage,’ recalled Apple executive Peter Brown. ‘At one point I thought he was really going to hit Paul, but he managed to calm himself down.’ One unconfirmed report of this meeting had Lennon leaping towards Linda McCartney, his fists raised in her face"

Peter Doggett, You Never Give Me Your Money

"Int: When did you first meet her [Linda]? John: The first time I saw her was after that press conference to announce Apple in America. We were just going back to the airport and she was in the car with us. I didn't think she was particularly attractive, I wondered what he was bothering having her in the car for. A bit too tweedy, you know. But she sat in the car and took photographs and that was it. And the next minute she's married him."

St. Regis Hotel interview, Sept. 5, 1971

“I was reading your letter and wondering what middle aged cranky Beatle fan wrote it... "What the hell—it’s Linda! . . . Linda— if you don’t care what I say—shut up!—let Paul write—or whatever.”

"Of course, the money angle is important—to all of us—especially after all the petty shit that came from your insane family/in laws—and GOD HELP YOU OUT, PAUL—see you in two years—I reckon you’ll be out then"

Draft letter from John Lennon to Linda McCartney, circa 1971

"The presumption is a) the Beatles would get together again or are even thinking about it and b) if they got together, John and Yoko split, Paul and Linda split"

John (with Yoko) talks to John Fielding on Weekend World, 1973

"John often speculated on why Paul and Linda remained married while, at the same time, resenting their evident happiness, to the extent that he had Green do a tarot reading to ensure him that Paul and Linda were really secretly miserable and were going to divorce within a year"

According to Fred Seaman and John Green, source

Paul

Of course jealousy wasn't a one-way street in the Lennon-McCartney relationship. Unlike with John, for Paul I'm focusing more on the key people I believe his jealousy, regarding John, was directed to:

Stuart Sutcliffe

John met Stu at Art College and struck up a really close friendship with him. At the point that John met Stu, John had already become friends with Paul so Paul felt threatened when Stu entered the picture:

"When he [Stu] came into the band, around Christmas of 1959, we were a little jealous of him; it was something I didn’t deal with very well. We were always slightly jealous of John’s other friendships.

When Stuart came in, it felt as if he was taking the position away from George and me. We had to take a bit of a back seat."

Paul McCartney, Anthology 2000

"Paul was saying something about Stu’s girl – he was jealous because she was a great girl, and Stu hit him, on stage. And Stu wasn’t a violent guy at all."

John Lennon, 1967 Anthology 2000

"I looked up to Stu. I depended on him to tell me the truth. Stu would tell me if something was good and I’d believe him. We were awful to him sometimes. Especially Paul, always picking on him. I used to explain afterwards that we didn’t dislike him, really."

John Lennon, The Beatles Hunter Davies 1968

Yoko Ono

Of all the relationships I've already discussed, the relationship and jealousy displayed from Paul towards Yoko is probably the most widely discussed in Beatles historiography and general discourse. From the official start of Yoko's relationship with John in 1968 it was clear that Paul resented her presence in John's life and her proximity to the band:

"He even sent them [John and Yoko] a hate letter once, unsigned, typed. I brought it in with the morning mail. Paul put most of his fan mail in a big basket and let it sit for weeks, but John and Yoko opened every piece. When they got to the anonymous note, they looked puzzled, looking at each other with genuine pain in their eyes. ‘You and your Jap tart think you’re hot shit’, it said."

Francie Schwartz, Body Count 1972

"Cause she’s [Yoko] very much to do with it from John’s angle, that’s the thing, you know. And I – the thing is that I – there’s— Again, like, there’s always only two answers. One is to fight it, and fight her, and try and get The Beatles back to four people without Yoko, and sort of ask her to sit down at the board meetings. Or else, the other thing is to just realize that she’s there, you know. And he’s not gonna sort of – split with her, just for our sakes."

Paul McCartney, Let It Be Sessions, 1969

"I told John on the phone the other day that at the beginning of last year I was annoyed with him. I was jealous because of Yoko, and afraid about the break-up of a great musical partnership. It’s taken me a year to realise that they were in love. Just like Linda and me."

Paul McCartney, interview with Ray Connolly, 1970

What are the similarities and differences in the way jealousy manifested for John and Paul?

I think it's obvious but bears repeating that both John and Paul displayed jealousy towards other people who they felt would threaten their relationship so that's central to all the instances I have flagged, Jim, Mal, Linda, Stu, Yoko all posed real or imagined threats to John and Paul's partnership.

However, you'll note that I included more sources to display John's jealousy regarding Paul and that I categorised John's jealousy targets whereas I only pulled out two key individuals for Paul, this isn't to say that John was more jealous than Paul was, as jealousy isn't something you can quantify, but to highlight my opinion that Paul's jealousy regarding John was more targeted than John's jealousy regarding Paul. I think what stands out to me is that, I think generally Stu and Yoko are held up as the prime examples of Paul's jealousy of other people getting close to John, as far as we know, Paul never had significant issues with other people who formed close relationships with John like Pete Shotton, Cynthia Lennon, Magic Alex etc., why was that? I think that Paul was more threatened when he felt that John was replacing him so by bringing Stu into the band (even though he wasn't a musician) and Yoko into the studio (one instance where Paul was especially hurt was when John gave Paul's line in The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill to Yoko to sing), Paul perhaps felt that his place as John's primary collaborator was in jeopardy and that he could lose a partnership that had become central to his self-worth as a person - that, I believe, was when his jealousy was most likely to rise to the fore. John, on the other hand, had a much wider range of targets when it came to jealousy regarding Paul, why was John jealous of Linda? Linda wasn't trying to replace John as Paul's collaborator, if anything she wanted the Lennon-McCartney partnership to be stronger. Why was John jealous of Mal? Mal wasn't a musician, Mal was a huge fan of the band and constantly worked to fulfil their requests, so why was John so threatened by his friendship with Paul? For me, John's jealousy regarding Paul was more than just a fear of directly being replaced, I believe John's jealousy was fundamentally triggered by a fear of abandonment. I think the childhood trauma John experienced, of being left by both his parents, meant that whenever any of his close friendships and relationships were threatened, or he felt that someone close to him may leave him, he would act out. John fell out with his childhood best friend Pete when he got a girlfriend, John hit Cynthia when he saw her dancing with Stu, John was rude to several of Paul's love interests and ultimately John never fully accepted Paul's relationship with Linda because, although he could see that she could offer Paul the family life he always wanted, John didn't want Linda to take Paul away and give him a family that meant that Paul would no longer be able to prioritise John in his life as he had in the past.

Ultimately, we'll never know all the ways that jealousy factored into John and Paul's relationship with each other and those around them, as I'm sure it impacted several relationships in more complex ways than I can articulate (i.e. I suspect jealousy played a part in Paul's initial resentment of Brian but they grew closer over time so maybe Paul's jealousy lessened over time or Brian became less of a threat?). I do think it's important to consider that jealousy was present on both sides and was likely a factor in the breakdown of John and Paul's relationship, the breakdown of the Beatles and was a continued factor in disrupting reconciliations between John and Paul into the 70s and 1980.

#the beatles #john lennon #paul mccartney #john and paul #paul and linda #john and yoko #jealous guy #linda mccartney #yoko ono #stuart sutcliffe #mal evans #jim mccartney #brian epstein #long post #thoughts

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jypbae7 · 3 years

Text

Im Changkyun - Natal Chart

- requested by @jookyunz

Can’t remember if you wanted the 18+ section so I included it at the bottom and marked it incase you wanna skip it ❤️

(Not claiming to be an expert this is just for fun please don’t take anything too seriously!) Hope this is helpful and that you enjoy it 🥰❤️

Personality: Aquarius Sun, Aries Moon, Capricorn Mercury, Aquarius Mars

Aquarius Sun comes with lots of intrigue and lots of complexity - like the other air signs Aquarius is very adaptable and tends to prefer an “exciting life” (though earth signs tend to see this lifestyle as pure chaos lmao)

Aquarians tend to be intrigued by mystical things due to their very logical view of the world, this logical side can often lend to them coming off as cold or aloof but it’s less about that and more about their need to rule with the head and not the heart in order to avoid being thrown off the balance that they like (Aqua is a fixed sign) also they do NOT want to be hurt by people so the guard they have up towards the world is basically an iron curtain till they develop enough trust with you

Aries Moon is equally as spontaneous and adaptable but for a different motivation - Aries is bold and wants the most out of life and you can bet your bottom dollars they’ll do WHATEVER necessary to gain the lifestyle and goals they set for themselves.

But since they are naturally social butterflies and genuinely just want to have fun and encourage the people they love to reach for their dreams and have fun doing it, they tend to succeed rather easily since people are drawn to them. - All about confidence, bold styles, working hard because they NEED to be the best at whatever they do, but they definitely play hard too (as does every fire sign lmao)

As much as Aries and Aquarius like change and excitement - Capricorn Mercury does NOT. This adds a LOT of grounding and “tradition” to quick moving Aries and unconventional Asquarius.

Capricorn Mercurys are known to speak slow, quite monotonous and precise which I definitely have always felt about Changkyun. You’re not getting too much fluff or extra words from them because Capricorn finds it a waste of energy. They say what they mean when they mean it and not much else more. But this means they are good listeners and are very comfortable and unreliant on “attention” or “being in the spotlight” giving them added levels of independence. I also feel that this is why they are sooooo unbothered by other people’s opinions and friendship.

Aquarians straight up rather be alone than around fake people. They don’t care if they “fit in” with general norms because they don’t want to be like anyone else anyway lmao and they are interesting enough to keep themselves entertained. While Capricorn and Aries have places to go, people to see, and goals to crush so why the hell be worried about others???

Mixed with the other 2 placements it’s likely that his home is a serious sanctuary for him that he takes seriously. When he’s out in the world doing his busy schedules and chaotic traveling and work he’s happy and really feeding into the air and fire energy. But when he gets home it’s his Capricorn Mercury that is being nurtured and stimulated. He’s going to wanna hibernate there for a while without leaving especially if he’s been gone a long time. Could be either unbelievably messy or unbelievably neat but likely no inbetween with these placements lmao.

Aquarius Mars.... reminder that Aquarius is a fixed sign so this in Mars could mean one HELL of a temper or at least rage once he’s set off. But thankfully the Airy nature of Aqua means you’d really have to mess with him to get that kind of reaction because they generally really dislike being upset. They prefer staying content and neutral rather than having extreme feelings of any kind or it makes them veryyyyy edgy. If you can disagree with respect and if you provide logic instead of ego as your argument you’re likely to get a much better reaction from Aquarius

Relationships:

Non-Romantic Relationships & overall communication style: Aquarius Sun, Aries Moon, Capricorn Mercury, Aquarius Mars

Boy oh boyyyyyy he takes a LONG time to open up to people - 2 Aquarius placements and a Capricorn placement screamssssss trust issues and vulnerability issues

Capricorn doesn’t wanna sulk and talk about their problems so IF they trust you enough to come to you with an issue they want solutions and practical help and support

Is really cheered up by acts of service and quality time - watching a great movie even in complete silence just near each other on the couch in sweats tucked under cozy blankets or getting surprised with their favorite dinner can boost their mood instantly

Aries Moon as I said before is a natural in social situations and tends to draw attention even when they aren’t trying so he’s bound to come off a lot more open and friendly than he actually is. The deep stuff won’t come out till he REALLY knows and trusts you and even then… in SMALL increments

That said he’s a super fun friend to have - down for adventures, actually thinks about and puts effort into doing cool stuff with friends and loved ones

When it comes to friendships he shows care through quality time and acts of service

When he buys gifts for people he cares about they are BOMB - cool as fuck and either one or a combination of the following: one of a kind, meaningful as fuck, and/ or super expensive - most likely fashion, jewelry, something music related, or super cool stuff from his travels

Romantic relationships and preferences : Pisces Venus, Aquarius Mars, Aquarius Juno, Aries Eros

Lmao even MORE Aquarius and Aries energy

Ok into the main meat - these four placements are particularly interesting combo: 2 fixed air (Aqua), 1 mutable water (Pisces) and 1 Cardinal Fire (Aries)

Aqua Juno - generally hints at a pretty unconventional relationship and this can come in manyyyyy forms for the very unique and varied Aquarians (partnership without legal marriage, mixed race/culture couple, could even mean choosing a bachelor lifestyle over any normal type of relationship, etc.) - given that Changkyun seems quite close with his parents and his interest in kids I’d say he’s unlikely to choose the bachelor route.

For a lot of Aquarians unconventional can also come in the form of a very stimulating partner, they enjoy learning and expanding their minds and experiences which is why they tend to run towards challenges that others would run from. I think someone who shares similar passions but varied skills and/or background would fulfil that for him. Aquarius, Pisces and Aries like to be stimulated A LOT.

Pisces in Venus is a tricky placement - can be pretty hot and cold, lots of mixed signals, you should be ready to be stood up or flaked on atleast once in the beginning🙄) BUT if you actually manage to earn their trust and dedication they make very caring partners.

Pisces in Venus is art gallery and museum dates, binge watching documentaries especially murder mystery, and spending most of the summer near the closest body of water.

Aries Eros fantasizes about being in a partnership that others look at as a power couple but they’ll never admit it - they dream of a partner who is in awe of them and their accomplishments but has their own big goals and successes to cater to as well. They like people they can grow with as individuals and as a couple. Push and pull works really well with Aries (and the other two fire signs too honestly) they like the cat and mouse thing and they like to have time to miss & yearn for their partner especially the men - absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Love languages in order from most to least: quality time, physical touch, acts of service, gift giving

Aries is a strong sign and they want and need a real partner who respects and supports their independence and boss energy but also can nurture their softer more vulnerable side and be the strong one for them when they need it

***** 18+ Preferences ****

Ooof this should honestly come as a surprise to NO ONE but damn placements do NOT lie...Im Changkyun is one freaky ass boy

I mean ARIES EROS???? Let me spell that out for y’all: fucks you like he absolutely fucking hates you or ties you up like a present and edges you for hours till you’re crying

LOVES, let me repeat LOVES jealousy sex - whether it’s you being jealous of all the screaming thirsting fans he has or him being jealous of guys getting too close too you for his comfort - he is allllllllll about taking that energy directly into the bedroom ASAP (or a bathroom or even closet if it locks 🤐)

Could and WOULD makeout for hours on end - especially if he’s been drinking

The more you switch it up the more excited he is - with all them Aquarius placements it should be pretttyyyyyy often

Different positions, lingerie, role play - any and all of it excite him

With a partner he actually trusts and has feelings for I can see him being extremely open minded to trying things (though obviously EVERYONE has limits and boundaries)

Toys, blindfolds, handcuffs, whip cream, hot wax, spanking - all a STRONG yes

Get the strong feeling he has strong preference to use his mouth often - lots of kissing (passionate, needy, messy - sometimes more aggressive) , likes to give and receive hickeys, wants to kiss all over his partner’s body and LOVES oral both receiving and giving (and I get the feeling he’s TOO good at that 👀)

More willing to let his partner take control than you might think - he’s not a switch but he just doesn’t think you initiating or “being in control” makes him any less dominant. In fact it’s probably the opposite; you showing your desire to that point actually makes him feel MORE dominant and masculine

Literally could find anyone and everyone beautiful - is more attracted to people’s minds, spirit and energy than physical looks (BIG Pisces and Aquarian thing)

Gets turned on every single time he sees you in the crowd at one of his shows - makes him feel like you are the only two people in the world (drives his Aries Eros INSANE - gets a kick out of the slight power play of being on stage in front of so many people, as well as the secrecy and raw passionate energy of it all)

Tattoos, piercings, colorful wigs, or even just interesting jewelry paired with the right lingerie or outfit will have him 🤯- think short black see-through lace robe with nothing on underneath except a sparkling body chain dripping from your body....yep he’ll eat you like a main dish in .00000000023 seconds

Hope you enjoyed! 💕

#monsta x #changkyun #im changkyun #i.m.#i.m monsta x #monsta x scenarios #monsta x imagines #changkyun scenarios #changkyun imagines #changkyun astrology #natal chart #monsta x astrology #monsta x zodiac

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tenthgrove · 3 years

Note

LA SQUADRA SEPERATLY FINDING OUT THEY HAVE A YOUNGER SISTER HC?

La Squadra Discovering they have a Younger Sister

La Squadra x Reader, Platonic / Familial, SFW

Formaggio- Out of everyone in La Squadra, Formaggio has some of the closest contact with his birth family, so a secret sister he didn’t know about would be a huge surprise. The only way you could possibly exist is through an extramarital affair that got swept under the carpet, but Formaggio is still going to be thrilled to hear of you. He will want an in-person meet-up within days of learning you exist, or even sooner if you’re available. His goal from the get-go is to make up for lost time, in order to strive for as close a relationship as if you had been raised together. He’ll announce your existence to the squad and happily introduce you to them if you wish. He knows it’s dangerous to involve you with them, but he’s going to make damn sure himself that nobody will ever hurt you.

Illuso- Having lived through a sad, lonely childhood, Illuso’s initial outward reaction to finding out he has a sibling is apathy. Though he will seek you out, he will insist to anyone who asks that it’s out of pure curiosity. Things start to change after your first couple of interactions. His questions turn from frivolous curiosity to genuine concern. Was your childhood any better than his? Are you happy now? Once your relationship resembles a friendship, Illuso will meet with you regularly to catch up. He won’t say anything to the rest of the squad beyond the essentials and he won’t be seen with you in public, but with his stand, he doesn’t need to. Even if you are not a stand user yourself, he wants you to know about the mirror world. He wants you to be proud of what he’s capable of.

Prosciutto and Pesci- (A/N: I will be using my personal hc of these two as biological brothers. I know that the canon evidence for this is questionable, but making them related just fits better with the way I view them.) To Prosciutto and Pesci, family has always been the most important thing, so there is no question that they will accept you as kin no matter where you are in life. Prosciutto in particular is not surprised to learn of you- he already knew his father was disloyal because Pesci exists. Another child in the mix is not a major shock. Building bonds with people who aren’t gangsters is not Prosciutto’s strong-point, but he will be happy to support you financially or offer you protection if you ever need it. Though he may not meet with you frequently, you’re welcome to call him if you are ever in need of advice or an ear to listen. Pesci’s reaction is a little different. He desperately wants to be close with you, but he fears being despised for what he’s made of his life. Prosciutto has to tell him to grow up and face you. Once things are less awkward, Pesci will do his best to stay in touch with you regularly, frequently meeting up. He will be a very sweet, supportive older brother, always offering encouragement and boosting your self-esteem.

Melone- The chances are, he encountered you completely by accident. It began the day he first saw you, most likely either at a bar or online, and was struck by your similar features. He did some digging, got hold of your DNA, and the results confirmed his suspicions. You are Melone’s little sister. His first port of call is to contact you and explain himself. He makes no attempt to hide the bizarre life he lives (excluding the fact he regularly commits murder) and the way he found you, which is enough to make you call him for bullshit until you’re also forced to acknowledge the resemblence you share to him. With you convinced, Melone visits you in person to find out how you’re getting on, and to shed some light on your interests and personality so he can engage with you better in future conversations. He also wants to know about your relationships. Do you have a partner? Children? If so, he’ll definitely want to be involved in their lives, offering to take babysitting duties whenever you need. If you’re single and don’t want to be, he’ll be happy to help matchmake for you. Just don’t ask about his methods.

Ghiaccio- He’s very cautious about getting you mixed up with him because if you’re his sister and younger than he is, that makes you a kid. Some of the others say he’s a kid, but he wouldn’t go that far, thank you. However, he still wants to have contact with you out of an abundance of paranoia for his own shitty, shitty childhood. Who is taking care of you? Do they treat you well? If you’re being subjected to anything close to what your parents put him through, he’s going to be angry and there’s going to be blood. The last thing he wants is for you to be lonely, so he’ll suck up his reluctances and hang out with you from time to time, to see how you’re doing. But please, for the love of god, don’t try and follow him into Passione. He could never forgive himself if that happened.

Risotto- Another one in the ‘not surprised’ category. Risotto’s parents ditched him at birth, so he’s always known there was a fair chance they would have had other children after him. The wounds of his parents’ abandonment are deeper than he’s willing to admit, but he won’t hold it against you. You are a reminder of the peaceful life he could have lived, and for that he wants to cherish you. In-person meetings are going to be rare. He can’t stand the thought of Passione learning of your existence and using you against him. However, he will still make time for you in texts and phone-calls, listening to you describe your day-to-day life and offering advice where you ask for it. Perhaps, if everything is calm within the gang, he will sneak away for a few days around your birthday or the holidays, to spend time with you in person.

Sorbet- Reluctant, but don’t take it personally. Sorbet’s entire childhood consisted of caring for his younger siblings while his mother was in no condition to do so herself. He’s not angry to find there was another sister he didn’t know about (most likely born after he ran away), but it is going to have some bad associations for him. Gelato will be the one to push him into meeting you, but despite his reservations Sorbet will treat you with absolute respect. His ongoing relations with you will be quite similar to Prosciutto’s, offering you support when you need it but otherwise keeping a distance. Perhaps once things are easier for him and Gelato, Sorbet will be able to become closer to you. He hopes you know that he wants things to be like that.

Gelato- His first reaction is caution. The rest of the family were absolute trash to him, and if you’re just going to look down on him and criticise his choices he doesn’t want to go near you. This goes double if you were actually raised by his estranged parents, as he’ll see you as some sort of replacement. That’s a thought that absolutely disgusts him. Rest assured he will come around eventually, once he sees you’re not the same as the rest of his family. He’ll invite you to hang out with him whenever you’re in town, and stay in touch via text whenever you aren’t. Sometimes you wake up at 3am to the most incomprehensible messages you’ve ever seen, frequently followed by an apology from Sorbet. Your brother is a real highlight of your life, always sure to make you laugh.

#la squadra #formaggio #illuso #pesci #prosciutto #melone #ghiaccio #risotto nero #sorbet and gelato

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paperpocalypse · 3 years

Text

duty.

50 Wordless Ways to Say “I Love You”: 13. Playing your fingers through their hair while sitting next to them on the couch.

Pairing: Five Hargreeves x Aristocrat!Reader

Word Count: 2,407 words

Warning: Wonky and inaccurate aristocrat/rich people politics and marrying young because of it, please bear with me

[A/N: No powers!Historical!AU]

The elegance of the Hargreeves estate is of the dark, academic sort – polished, reserved, all sharp lines and dim lighting and old books – and you’d feel quite intimidated by it if you were any less acquainted with its occupants. You and your sister always look out of place when you visit, bright splotches of summer color roaming the narrow, perpetually autumnal hallways; and when congregating with the siblings in the library or outside, any visitor could glance at your merry group and immediately tell apart the hosts and the guests.

It’s all a reflection of your respective parents, really – if you had any say in how you presented yourself, it certainly wouldn’t be in the vivid, youthful hues of your mother’s choosing, and you’re sure that some of the others have similar sentiments.

Because while your family and Five’s family are certainly different in some ways, their respective heads are both pretty damn suffocating.

“Looks like it’s a draw.”

You grunt, displeased, and collapse back in your chair, bundling up in your blanket. “Can’t take a loss, can you, Five?”

“Not if I can help it,” he answers. His frown and crossed arms speak to his dissatisfaction with the result; losing is never an option, but clear-cut victories are always better than a draw. “Want to play again?”

The suggestion is tempting. Very tempting. You reach out and pick up your king, feeling the cold, smooth marble against the pads of your fingertips, and purse your lips in thought. Your eyes flick up briefly to meet Five’s.

Oh.

“Maybe tomorrow,” you finally say, putting the piece down. “I’m getting a bit tired.”

Five studies you for a moment, head tilting in that particular, scrutinizing way of his. Then his expression smooths out and he nods.

After putting the pieces back into place, the two of you exit the warmth of the library and head towards the guest wing. The walk is silent; you keep your borrowed blanket wrapped snugly around your shoulders, the bottom dragging across the perfect, wooden floor as you look at the paintings hung along the wall. They’re landscapes, mostly – of dark green forests; cold, still oceans; blue-grey mountains shrouded in mist. Impersonal and very fitting for the tastes of Five’s father, that’s for sure.

When you reach your room, you smile at your companion, and it feels unnaturally polite. “Well, goodnight, Five.”

“Goodnight.”

The boy turns and strolls back down the hallway, and you wait until he disappears around the corner, chewing on your bottom lip, before pushing the door open to enter your room.

“You two are duller than an ashtray. 'Goodnight’?”

“Sh –” you bite back an expletive, whipping around to glare at the intruder on your bed. “Lila, go back to your own room!”

Your sister just stares at you from her upside-down position, arms and legs splayed out as she smiles. “You still haven’t talked about it, have you?”

“We don’t need to,” you snap back quietly, closing the door as quickly as you can without slamming it. “He understands it as well as you and I do.”

“You realize Mum never said you’ll have to marry the guy.”

“Of course not; she just strongly suggested it.”

“Still not an order.”

Her flippancy causes you to glare. “Lord Harold is rich and he’s willing –"

“He’s a massive creep,” she interrupts, giving you an incredulous look. “And you just came of age, [Y/n]. You’ll be miserable.”

“I can get it annulled after five years, remember?”

“You’re really going to last for five years?”

She’s trying to pull something out of you, you know it. You try to maintain your composure.

“A massive debt isn’t going to just disappear,” you repeat. “It was either him or Lady Helen, and Helen got betrothed last month. Harold’s the quickest way to fix it, in case you forgot.”

“And in case you forgot, it’s literally not your problem. Stop making a martyr of yourself when you don’t have to.” Lila sits up and swivels around to face you, crossing her legs. Her expression is expectant. “I’ll figure something out, so don’t throw a fit, alright? The debt’s going to be mine along with the estate. You can afford to disappoint Mum for once in your life.”

Your brow furrows. “Lila –”

“If you keep arguing, I’m going to smother you with a pillow,” she says. “Either you agree with me, or you tell your future love affair that you’re marrying a human toad in the spring.”

“Future lo – it’s not like that! We’re friends!”

Lila holds your indignant gaze. Then, with practiced, unladylike ease, she hops off your bed, puts her hands on her hips and raises her eyebrows at you.

“You have the worst case of denial I’ve ever seen in my entire life,” she says.

“I’m being completely honest,” you retort hotly. And you are. You and Five are friends, and although the nature of your relationship is admittedly more comfortable than any other friendship you’ve had over the years, nothing between you and Five had ever been non-platonic.

(Not that you would mind something non-platonic – but as you’ve reiterated to Lila many, many times, you’re just as content being friends. Having a genuine, close companion in your world is rare, and you’re tired of everyone deciding what you and Five should be when the two of you are more than capable of figuring it out for yourselves.)

“Why do you care, anyway? Everything will be easier for you if I marry Harold.”

“And more miserable for you.” She lets her arms fall to her sides. “Look, I’m the oldest, so I’m supposed to be the miserable one, not you. It’s not the end of the world if you don’t marry Harold. Give yourself more time to grow up.”

You don’t know what to say.

Seemingly finished with her piece, Lila smiles before brushing past you, nudging your blanket to the side on her way to the door. You glance away when she looks over her shoulder at you.

“Sleep on it.”

… You do, though it’s a lot less sleep than you’d hoped.

—

The next morning is slow and lazy. It’s a good thing in your opinion, because as mentioned before, you had spent a great deal of the night thinking about what your sister had said, and your head feels quite foggy as a result. A cup of tea and a horse ride with everyone outside in the snow both help somewhat over the course of the day. However, by the time the sky begins to darken, you’re back in your room to take a nap before supper, and quickly return thereafter.

When you hear three quick raps on your door, you groan and drag yourself out of bed.

“Lila,” you grumble as you turn the knob and pull, “can’t you go bother Diego instead –”

You swallow your words when you see your actual visitor. Five gives you a brief, tight-lipped smile.

“Mind if I come in?”

“Uh,” you respond intelligently, then shake your head and step to the side, remembering your manners. “Of course.”

Five walks in and heads towards the window. You go to the couch nearby and sit down, slightly perplexed as he finds an interest in the candle burning on the sill – he’s welcome to hang around in here, certainly, but the two of you usually convene in his room or the library. The guest room doesn’t have much to offer in terms of entertainment.

In due time, the boy turns away from the frost-covered window and joins you on the couch.

“Your sister said you weren’t feeling well,” is all he says.

So that’s why he’s here. Shrugging, you put your hands in your lap, fiddling with the family ring on your middle finger. “I’m just a little tired, that’s all.”

Your lackluster explanation isn’t enough, if his short, replying hum is anything to go by. Five leans forward, folding his hands and resting his chin on them. And what else? he seems to say.

“It’s … It’s just been a busy year, with Lila and me coming of age and all. More responsibilities and expectations, and all that,” you eventually continue, staring down at the thick, luxurious carpet at your feet. “Though I don’t have much of a right to complain. Lila’s bearing most of the pressure, since she’s the heir apparent …”

“She doesn’t seem too bothered,” Five points out, tone bland.

You allow yourself to grin. “Because we’re on vacation. Five, if you saw Lila this summer, you would’ve seen how hard she’s been working.” Not to mention all of the proposals that she had so graciously shot down, on account of her veto power and general distaste for marriage. “Honestly, the two of you have a lot in common and I don’t know why you butt heads so often.”

“I have my reasons.”

At that cryptic snark, you reach out and gain purchase on his hair, ruffling it in righteous revenge. Five grunts half-heartedly, elbowing you away. A small smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth and you almost feel like this conversation is going to be normal – that is, as normal as it gets with a Hargreeves.

(His hair is very soft. You feel bad for messing it up, so you attempt to smooth it back into its original state; about a minute into that attempt you realize what you’re actually doing and withdraw. You shouldn’t be so improper.)

Do you have to do this?

You decide to pay the piper before you can talk yourself out of it. “You know,” you say when the joviality fades, “she’s the one who suggested that I talk to you. About my possible betrothal.”

Five’s expression flattens. He looks straight ahead again, resting his elbows on his knees. “What is there to talk about?”

“Well, you’re my closest friend and one of the smartest people I know, so I ought to ask for your opinion on the possibility of …” You reconsider for one final moment, then inhale deeply and let it out. “Of me refusing Lord Harold’s offer.”

To your slight surprise, Five nods.

“Did you talk to your mother about it?” he questions.

“Not yet,” you murmur. “To be honest, I’ve been thinking about it for months, but I only started seriously considering it last night. And now I really don’t want to marry Lord Harold. He unsettles me and I’m not ready.”

He frowns. “Neither of them is going to accept that as a reason.”

“I know.” You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. “They’ll kick up a fuss over finances and it’ll be a bit of a scandal. That’s why I’m asking for your advice.”

Being the pragmatist that he is, you had thought that Five would be more averse to your plan. He himself had done things that he did not want to do in order to help his siblings, so you had assumed that despite his immediate dislike of Lord Harold since the night of your coming-of-age celebration, Five would tell you to endure a few years with the noble before disposing of him and collecting your dues. It’s the easiest way to get what you and your family needed, after all.

The fact that he’s so accepting of your decision makes you curious …

“First of all, even if he recognizes your refusal – and you’ll probably have a hard time with that, which will be an issue all on its own – your mother will try to find someone else to ship you off to,” he states, eyebrows pinched. “Preferably within the next year or so, right?”

“Yes.”

“How likely is she to push back your marriage by a few years?”

“… Not very likely,” you admit.

The boy pauses, thinking, then sits back.

“I could propose to you,” he offers, “if you’d like.”

You accidentally laugh out loud, you’re so taken aback. Five? Proposing? “Come again?”

“You heard me the first time.”

“We’re practically penniless. Would your father even give his blessing?”

He rolls his eyes. “Penniless or not, you’re an aristocrat with a title. If nothing else, Dad will accept that.”

“Neither of us want to get married.”

“And yet it’s your most realistic option thus far.” Five pins you with a serious gaze, and it finally hits you that he’s genuinely, actually asking. “Are you okay with it or not?”

“I …” You fumble over your words, staring at Five with wide eyes. “I mean, yes, I’d be okay with that, but … are you sure? You’d marry me just to get me out of another marriage?”

(Your question is not born of a doubt that he’ll go through with it. Five is a person of his word. But this is a big deal, and you’re both young, and most importantly of all, you don’t want this to be a mistake.)

“Let’s just say that I’d rather it be you than anyone else,” he mutters, shrugging softly. “This is your back-up plan, anyway. And if the marriage goes sideways, we can have it annulled after a few years and you’ll get a settlement too.”

He says it as if he’s discussing the weather. You chuckle, inexplicably reassured and amused by his bluntness. “Not even ten minutes into your proposal and you’re already thinking about an annulment? I fear for our future, Five.”

“There are worse things to be afraid of,” he replies sardonically. “Bring it up with your mom when you go back. If you can’t get out of a marriage, write me and I’ll talk to my dad.”

“Alright. You should bring Allison with you, though.”

“I suggest the same with Lila. Make it convincing.”

That won’t be too difficult. You nod, and with that, the deal seems to be sealed. Although you’re still processing what just happened, and Five is likely realizing just what he and you are potentially getting yourselves into, the two of you share a small smile nonetheless. It is hard not to.

“Thank you,” you murmur after a while.

Five glances over at your hands, then down at his. “Don't thank me yet."

"Alright, then. If you insist."

As your friend twists the steel ring on his index finger, you think to yourself, yes, you do want more time to grow up. But if the world won’t give that to you, you figure that a life with Five would be the next best thing.

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zuzuslastbraincell · 3 years

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mai & the rest of the gaang:

mai & aang: a bit awkward, at first? not on aang's end of course, he's totally unflustered and in fact quite keen to get to know zuko's girlfriend and I actually think mai doesn't know what to do with this attitude, given she spent six months or so trying to hunt him down, and that's very present in her mind. hanging out with aang is a very pleasant culture shock in how he casually diaregards half the norms she was raised to strictly follow, speaking with warm enthusiasm and genuine curiosity to all, be they dish washers or tea servers or the Fire Lord's girlfriend, disregarding barriers of social class that are so carefully upheld in the Fire Nation. It's refreshing as it is bewildering. I think mai does develop a fondness for aang - although she can find him and his antics a bit much at times - and deeply respects and cares for him if only for how valued his friendship with zuko is. she claims to tolerate his goofy antics but she enjoys them far more than she lets on (his flying marble trick does elicit a rare smile, although it only appears for 0.02 seconds before returning to the most deadpan expression). I think mai respects him most politically actually - aang grows up to be an excellent diplomat, an excellent mediator who does not lose sight of the importance of various different perspectives, especially those who are forgotten or maligned, even when in circles of power.

mai & sokka: as discussed, they have a rocky start. sokka, my darling beloved sokka, has a tendency to be a bit abrasive, if we're honest, in that his humour and his puns are a little in-your-face, he has a bit of an ego aboht being the funniest/smartest person in the room, and he can take it personally when people don't like it. mai doesn't have much time for that. mai doesn't care much for sokka's jokes if only because they're attached to this ego, but also and finds the puns a bit flat (whereas she finds aang's mischief making genuinely funny, though she tries to hide it), and sokka takes this deeply personally and tries really hard to elicit a laugh from her. this just ends up with him aggravating her more. I think mai has little time for sensitive male ego games and that's partially why her and sokka clash- she won't blunt herself for him, even if he is one of zuko's closest friends. I think sokka, to his credit, doesn't dismiss her as a 'bitch' and keeps trying - in fact, the reason he comes on so strong is because he actually really wants her to like her - and i think that's because of boiling rock, and because of that alone sokka deeply respects mai on many levels (and was extremely surprised by how all that played out, and knows from that alone that mai is a layered and complex person who contains multitudes). I think what might cause mai to warm to him is politics - sokka's a pragmatist, who is skeptical of idealism without material backing and is refreshingly realistic for one of aang's friends. he keeps the fire nation on its toes at the negotiating table but he's also the first to point out when a potential proposition - when anyone's potential proposition - has more logical holes than a piece of honeycomb. i think mai appreciates that perspective. and i think they could slowly and gradually go from personality clashing to building this begrudging friendship where mai will never openly admit that she likes him, where sokka will still grate but in a way that becomes almost familiar and comfortable because of that, and where - especially in a situation where they have to work on a project together - they're a formidable team. a difficult friendship but eventually could be a dear one.

mai & katara: another personality clash that becomes a really fascinating friendship. katara wasn't there for boiling rock and is perhaps a bit cool towards mai even understanding what she did there, and the grounds where they most often meet is politics, and they largely are at odds there too. they're interesting parallels, in terms of role - both partners of powerful world leaders, but while mai positions herself as a vital support and power behind zuko's regime, furthering that goal, katara loathes to be associated with aang simply because of their romantic relationship, and does not envision their relationship to be a political one: aang and katara stand independent, but with shared values and goals (and perhaps katara simply does not understand why mai takes the position she does regarding politics and relationships). their actual political approach wildly differs, with katara being an impassioned idealist who is the most radical out of the gaang, whereas mai is a pragmatist - much more concerned about the feasibility of the radical ideas proposed and sees herself occupying the role of a much needed skeptic who asks 'okay, but how are we going to do this?' in a group of radicals. this does lead to some fierce clashes actually - some of katara's proposals appear outlandish to mai, and katara interprets this as fire nation indoctrination and ideological conditioning limiting her perspective (and honestly neither are completely wrong - mai can be on occasion perhaps too conservative and cynical and that is often because her upbringing has limited her scope, and katara sometimes isn't fully aware of how feasible her ideas are and leaves practical concerns to others). I think despite this they have such a deep respect for each other - and that's in part why their arguments are so impassioned, because they both fundamentally know the other comes from a good place. mai saved katara's brother's life at boiling rock, and katara saved mai's partner during the final agni kai - they have both proven to each other the extent of their commitment and cared for another they care about deeply. they're the biggest idealism vs. cynicism clash but honestly over time i think the respect only grows over time despite periods of hot and cold. I'd like to think if katara ever has relationship difficulties with aang, after her gran's, it's mai whose advice she might respect the most - after all, it's mai who understands what it's like to date someone who is a world leader, and mai absolutely believes in having firm, healthy boundaries and little tolerance for sufferring for men in relationships. I think given their positions they're often in dialogue and in conversation and end up building the most unexpected but also rock solid friendship. they *would* take a bullet for each other, i am sure of it.

mai & toph: i love these two. an incredible friendship. mai takes to toph the quickest out of aang's friends. it makes sense - toph comes from a similar class and upbringing as mai, albeit has taken a different life path and expresses herself completely differently, and i think while surprised and thrown at first by toph's bluntness, mai sees that and not only respects but honestly just loves how toph is a little crass, and doesn't hold decorum as the be all and end all. I think the age difference here actually makes a difference - mai very much sees toph as a younger peer (and eventually, much like zuko, a younger sibling), and while it can be sad to see someone from a younger generation express themselves freely in a way that mai feel she can't, i think her joy at seeing that takes precedence here over any mixed feelings. mai pretends not to be amused at toph's antics (but quietly delights at them) and absolutely is the person who will get the authorities that be in the fire nation to look away from whatever misdemeanours she's committing at any given time (indeed, mai as often been a partner in crime - actually, speaking of, she's been surprised before to see katara also partake with toph, and it was an ice-breaking moment for them, probably one engineered by toph). that said, mai absolutely does not patronise toph, gives it to her straight, will also tell toph when she's going too far or pushing the limit, something toph deeply respects and values. mai can see toph's wisdom and her strong intuitive understanding of how others feel, and admires that, as well as the kindness toph shows (i would not be surprised if mai looks at toph and wants to be a little more like her). I also think mai's sardonic and biting sense of humour is best appreciated by toph out of aang's friends (sokka also finds it very funny, but sokka is also trying hard to get mai to like him, as aforementioned). mai and toph vibe together *so hard* and *so well* (something i think zuko is quietly deeply grateful for, since mai hasn't clicked as well with the rest of the gaang, but also because he views toph like a little sister too).

mai & suki: right! so this one is complicated. mai does not see suki as often as the rest of the gaang - she sees katara and aang often for political reasons, at summits and keets and so on, sokka keeps in touch often and is constantly sending letters, and toph will just turn up unannounced and will stay for several weeks to "relandscape" the fire nation gardens (so she claims) every year or so. I am sticking to show canon here but reject the comics canon - there is no way in hell suki ends up as a bodyguard for zuko, the kyoshi warriors have better things to be doing. so! while mai absolutely saved the teal at boiling rock and suki knows this, the fact that they see each other relatively little mean things are a bit... cool between them? Not quite cold, but there's a degree of awkwardness that mai works past with the others that takes longer with suki. I honestly don't know if suki knows how she should feel about mai? like ty lee not only helped at boiling rock but then went on to work with the warriors and suki very much sees someone who wants to prove herself and right those wrongs in ty lee (as well as someone who is running away but. that's another post). mai completed step 1 and 2 with boiling rock, but hasn't... done anything after that. and on paper they're cool and she knows it but... idk if she knows how to feel? it's a bit weird. a bit awkward and weird. it's possible suki holds more of a grudge than she's willing to admit (she's been most directly wronged by mai and ty lee after all) and the fact that mai has returned to the fire nation, and been, according to katara, disappointingly conservative at times, makes her question what boiling rock meant. suki is cordial and professional around mai but doesn't really know her that well and doesn't trust her as much as the others. mai doesn't particularly care either way and will take or leave friendship with suki (though mai, to be clear, does respect suki immensely as a warrior). the key factor here is ty lee, honestly. i think the two of them could have an excellent relationship if so inclined but it would apmost definitely be due to ty lee trying to prod them into getting along and hanging out and getting to know each other - because i think they're both practical minded, no-nonsense girls who are exceptionally skilled in martial arts and if nothing else they could bond theough sparring sessions, but i think they'd also just get along splendidly if they had the chance. suki just doesn't quite trust mai and mai making those personal amends isn't a priority when she's trying to stop zuko running the fire nation into the ground.

#mai #aang #sokka #katara #toph #suki #this is SO long but please appreciate it

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utilitycaster · 3 years

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What’s your thoughts on tm9 suggesting working with Trent? Do you think tm9 are being “bad friends”? I have seen a lot of discussion on it and I was wondering what your thoughts are. Apologies if you have already shared your thoughts.

Hi anon,

I have shared at least some of my thoughts but, as always, give me an inch and I will take one thousand miles and then take one thousand more. If you wanted a normal answer, please click on that link and then feel free to stop reading. If you want me to yell about behaviors in fandom that fill me with rage (and also some additional thoughts about the Mighty Nein in this episode, to be fair, which I’ve marked so you can skip to it), read on.

GOOD FUCKING LORD I AM PRETTY SURE A CERTAIN SMALL BUT LOUD PORTION WITHIN FANDOM, AND THIS IS ABOUT FANDOM IN GENERAL AND NOT SPECIFIC TO THE CRITICAL ROLE, ACTUAL PLAY, NOR D&D FANDOM, HAS NEVER HAD A FUNCTIONAL FRIENDSHIP OR RELATIONSHIP IN THEIR LIVES WHAT WITH THE WAY THEY TALK ABOUT CHARACTER INTERACTIONS. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.

I don’t think that any of the Mighty Nein were being at all inappropriate during this conversation in the first place, and more on that below, but also like, people say insensitive things to their friends all the time! It’s impossible to account for every situation that could potentially upset someone, and sometimes people need to have difficult conversations! I’ve said this before with people in private conversations but there is an exhausting amount of discourse for CR (but also, like, in general about fictional media by people who are Way Too Online) regarding who really understands and cares about whom and it’s like. They are all friends. They have all referred to each other as found family. They all care about each other. And with that in mind, it’s also true that if you or anyone else were to give me literally any pairing of two characters in the Nein, romantic or platonic, I can without considerable effort name an interaction in which one of them said or did something hurtful or insensitive to the other, because this is a thing that happens when different people with different perspectives and experiences talk to each other for any length of time.

A not-insignificant amount of discourse, in my opinion, has nothing to do with how real interpersonal relationships work and is entirely "this is my favorite/least favorite character (or ship) and I think everyone should also think they are flawless/terrible” and if I had to guess this is probably more of the same. But even if it’s not just that, the idea that the only “good” friendship is one devoid of arguments, slip-ups, and even the most minor of transgressions and anything else is “bad” or “toxic” is so divorced from reality I absolutely cannot engage with it without wanting to scream. Which is not to say that a single action by a friend, even a close one, could never be enough to invalidate the friendship. But it has to be a pretty significant and deliberate violation, and in my opinion the events of this episode do not even budge the needle.

With that out of the way before I return to it at the end: I think the overarching attitude of the Mighty Nein on the whole is “this is going to be an incredibly difficult fight, and we need to discuss all of our options, even distasteful ones that none of us particularly like.”

The linked post talks a lot about why I think Fjord brought it up in the first place, but from there, I would say that Yasha was the only one who was consistently on the side of “No,” which is in line with her character. We know Caduceus is fairly sure they’re going to die without additional help and has seen by far the most terrifying visions of what happens if they fail; that Jester likely has some similar ideas to Caleb regarding “if Trent’s with us, at least he’s not going after Marion”; and while Beau brought up the downsides of working with one’s abuser it’s highly worth noting she was still entertaining it: she floats that maybe this could kill two birds with one stone [2:01:10-ish on the Twitch video].

Veth strikes me as the one who came closest to “pushing” Caleb, and this has been a theme recently. I’m not fully sure about this - Veth is often a character I struggle to get a handle on - but I think it’s a combination of her family being at risk in the same way Jester’s is, her own feelings of guilt or shirked responsibility about leaving the Nein after this before Caleb has achieved his goals particularly given how instrumental he was to achieving hers, and a little bit of still seeing Caleb how he was earlier on, when they first met. That last reason is definitely frustrating when it happens in real life, but it’s a very real phenomenon, the first one is wholly understandable, and the middle one is both. Basically, are those actions a little selfish? Yeah, but people are selfish sometimes. There’s a reason why even when I don’t understand her Veth (and, tbh, all the Mighty Nein) feels like a wholly realized person, and it’s because of things like this, where she has real reactions and emotional turmoil in response to an incredibly stressful situation instead of being blandly understanding.

On top of that, anything that denies that Caleb was not entertaining it, particularly after he quite literally says he’s considered it, feels like ignoring his response because it doesn’t fit a particular narrative. It ignores the entire conversation with Essek, in which Caleb is the one who brings it up first, Caleb is the one who continues to argue for it after Essek expresses his discomfort, and Caleb is the one who says he’s frustrated that his attempt to persuade Essek fails.

Returning to the generalized rant but at what point do you (the abstract you, not you the anon) stop overlaying how you think someone should react and actually listen to people? One of the things in this world that genuinely angers me the most that isn’t, you know, atrocities, is when people assume how someone feels instead of asking them and persist in doing so even when told otherwise, and this is probably why the whole “the Mighty Nein are bad friends” statement has prompted such a strong response from me here. I don’t think I’m saying anything revolutionary here but all the arguments in favor of that statement are stupid! If you don’t ask for a hug, sometimes you won’t get one! If you don’t say you’re uncomfortable you can’t assume people will be aware of it! The realest distinction between good and bad friends, actually, is whether they listen to what you’re saying or if they just project what they think you should be saying, and whether they tell you what they want from you or if they make up elaborate unspoken rules that you’re supposed to magically intuit and follow. Not whether they never make mistakes, or disagree, or bring up difficult topics.

Uh, anyway, this is probably a whole lot more and maybe not even related to what you were looking for but really, the idea that a deep friendship can be reclassified into a binary from good to bad based on two conversations, and the related idea that every interaction that isn’t perfectly harmonious must have someone to blame instead of acknowledging the full depth and breadth of normal healthy interpersonal interactions, are both absolutely terrible ideas and I would love if people in general would immediately stop having them.

#long post #i should state again on the record i've been scrubbing down my kitchen all day and also my blood is full of spike protein mrna #and i already love yelling about my opinions #critical role #critical role spoilers

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neurodihuegent · 3 years

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[PART ONE] Huey's character development: season 1 to season 3.

with ducktales 2017 coming to a close in less than two weeks, i thought that now was best of all times to create a post of how i think huey has developed as a character throughout all three seasons. please remember, this post is just based on how I see his character development, and you're free to have your own ideas and/or not agree with all of my points!

1.) learning to adjust to new environments/accepting failures: When we were first introduced to huey's character, one of the biggest take aways was that he's a very "by the book" kind of a person, and has a hard time adjusting to foreign environments or situations that he will need to go with the flow and what he already knows, rather than doing everything by the book.

This was mainly introduced in "The Terror of the Terrafirmians!" in season one, where we could literally see Huey scrambling to make sense of the situation, and at some points, spouting out B.S. to make sense of the situation in his head. While he did end up coming to terms that the Terrafirmians are in fact, very real, he still only decided to believe it once it was documented in his Junior Woodchuck Guidebook.

Progressively throughout the show, we see Huey being put in situations where he has to be able to think quick on his feet rather than anxiously try to sort out all that he knows from the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook. Because of his personality, Huey not only had a hard time adjusting to foreign environments, but it's also been shown that he has a hard time accepting set backs as well. From what we've seen, it's easy to infer that when Huey has his mind set on something, he will do nothing short of achieving that goal: And when said goal is not achieved, or is starting to look like it won't be achieved, he takes it very personally.

This is especially seen in "The Infernal Internship of Mark Beaks!" and "The Challenge of the Senior Junior Woodchuck!": Where in "The Infernal Internship of Mark Beaks", even though Huey was definitely more qualified for the position by a significant amount, when Dewey got the position, his first instinct was to get angry instead of congratulate his brother: Granted, Dewey wasn't completely deserving of the position over Huey, and at this point, Huey was just a kid still learning how to manage his emotions, but his instictive reaction tells a lot about his character at the time. Thankfully, we see this progress with "The Challenfe of the Senior Junior Woodchuck!", where Huey is once again put in a situation where the odds were against him, considering that this time around, Violet was more qualified and prepared for the position than he was. At first, Huey does take this badly, getting super anxious that he'll have to do a challenging, dangerous course that no 11-12 year old probably should be doing, on his lonesome without even the help of the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook, which has been shown to be a source of comfort for Huey. At one point, he is only surviving through the course by creating a talking Junior Woodchuck Guidebook in his head, but even that goes south as he gets so overwhelmed and anxious to the point where he sets it on fire in his head. Eventually, noticing how far he's fallen behind Violet, and realizing how deserving she is of the title over him despite his love for everything Junior Woodchucks, he is able to come to terms with the fact that he lost, and instead of getting upset or beating himself up for it, he gracefully allows her to be announced as the winner, and shows her his full support. This is meaningful, because if this was season 1 Huey, we honestly can not say that his reaction to his loss would've been the same: He probably would've gotten a lot more upset about it than he actually did in season 3.

"Quack Pack!", despite somewhat being more of a comedic episode, also sheds light on how Huey's learned to adjust with a change in environment: He was the first character (other than Donald, who was fully aware) to pick up on the fact that they are in an alternate universe, set inside of a 1990s sitcom, and becomes increasingly anxious about it as a result, especially since everyone was pretty much oblivious of it at first. However despite this, when the family confronts Donald about the wish, while Donald does make a compelling point of how this scenario gives them a sense of normalcy and security, Huey also brings up the fact that despite the hardships they may face, adventuring is an integral part of their new found family. Even though Huey has always been pretty enthusiastic about adventuring, especially in comparison to Louie and pre-season 3 Donald, there has been times where adventuring has caused him anxiety due to being confronted with new settings or situations that he doesn't immediately know how to handle, so considering this, I think that line alone has shown the great improvement Huey has made with adjusting.

2.) embracing "The Duke": in the first two seasons, while we always had somewhat of an idea that huey was the triplet that inherited the infamous McDuck anger, "The Duke" wasn't something that was necessarily explored much in the first two seasons, leading people to believe that it was just for comedic plot. However, in season 3, we finally got an image of what "The Duke" actually is and represents, alongside with how Huey truly feels about this side of him.

Based on my perception of "The Split Sword of Swanstantine", Huey sees The Duke as an entire separate entity from himself rather than just how far his anger can really go, decides to completely reject this side and keep it locked away in his brain. Of course, we've had our early season moments where The Duke "slipped out", but for the most part, leading up to The Split Sword of Swanstantine, we never really got a full glimpse of what exactly the Duke is: and given his personality, it makes sense as to why Huey was rejecting this side of him instead. Not only does The Duke represent one of Huey's most vulnerable states, but knowing how far his anger can go, goes completely against the side of his personality that he does allow to shine: Being orderly, being well put together, and being the brain of his sibling trio, which being blinded by anger would all deter. Despite the strength that embracing his anger gives him, Huey obviously still sees it as a weakness, because it's the side of him he doesn't want people to see, especially those closest to him, because before the events of The Split Sword, Huey didn't exactly have the greatest control of his anger, so while nobody would want to think of it, no one knows how far he could really go if he's pissed enough.

However, thanks to the encouragement of Lena, Huey was finally able to embrace that side of him, and fully gain control over his anger which is something we don't typically see with the infamous McDuck Anger, given that the only way he could defeat Steelbeak who had an obvious advantage, was to tap into his true strength. The biggest takeaway Huey got from this situation, is that his anger shouldn't be treated as if it's a separate entity, or as if it's something to be embarassed of, but to truly embrace that side of himself, and learn how to control it, all things that he was able to accomplish by the end of "The Split Sword of Swanstantine".

3.) building new relationships:

Since season one, it's been hinted that Huey does struggle a bit on the friendship aspect of things. He does have very close relationships with his brothers and Webby, but even these can be hindered by clashing personalities and differing interests. Even though it's fairly obvious that HDLW all love and support each other like family, Huey has never really exactly been shown to have a bond with someone where he shares completely similar interests: Now, this isn't really important in friendship, often times opposites attract even down to the friendship aspect, but it is nice to have someone where you can just sit and chat about similar interests, and do stuff together that you'll both enjoy.

The first time we've gotten a hint at Huey struggling with making friends was in "The Day of the Only Child!", where, if the Beagle Brothers didn't show up, Huey would've been out of luck with finding two other participants for the three-man cookout, considering that everyone else was already paired up and Louie and Dewey were already off doing their own things for the day. Also hinted in that same episode, is the fact that Huey make struggle with loneliness as well (Huey "Be horribly alone." Dewey: "For once!"), given that he's spent most if not all of his life constantly with his brothers and Donald, so even if him and his brothers did have fall outs every here and there, he could always rely on them to be there given that outside of them, he didn't rely have any other friends.

Now, this somewhat turns around in season 2, when we're introduced to Fenton, who Huey not only idolizes as Gizmoduck, but looks at like a genuine best friend and most likely, as an older brother figure. Besides Huey's admiration of Gizmoduck, it's been shown that they bond over their similar interest in science, and in general, Huey is constantly looking out for Fenton and always wanting to protect his best friend from any danger or hurt that he himself can prevent. Despite Fenton undoubtedly being Huey's closest friend, I think that it's also important to shed light on the friendships that he's made that are more in his age group.

Following the events of Astro BOYD!, we are introduced to Boyd and Huey's friendship, two characters that existed in the show prior but never had any interactions. Huey and Boyd bond over their interest in the Junior Woodchucks, something that we once again see Huey get backlash for from his fellow Woodchucks, for being too "by the book" and not just "relaxing and being a kid" (even going as far to label him as a "robot"). Even in Boyd's malfunctioning, Huey is determined to stay by his side until the end, not only because of their shared interests and the bonding they began to do at the very beginning of the episode, but also because Huey understood what it was like to be cast away and treated as less just for being different (or in Huey's words, "wired a little differently"). Even though Fenton is Huey's closest friend by a margin, I would consider Boyd's friendship with him really meaningful, at least given the circumstances of how they became friends in the first place: Two people who were cast aside, for not being what society considered the "perfect/normal kid", and instead of people working with them, they were just cast aside easily. Considering how fast Huey probably had to grow up given the circumstances of living with Donald who, despite being an amazing father figure, dealt with poverty pretty often, it's no wonder why he's very mature for his age and very "by the book", but it's also no wonder why kids who probably didn't have to grow up with those circumstances, would easily be turned off. Louie and Dewey are a lot more understanding considering they grew up in the same setting, but even they dealt with it differently, often leading to their personalities clashing, which is even lampshaded in this episode as another insecurity of Huey's when building relationships ("Are you sure you want me to continue? My brothers are usually *begging* me to stop.).

We're also introduced to another friendship at the very beginning of season three, with Violet. Even though at the beginning, things were a bit rocky considering how anxious Huey was getting from the Senior Woodchuck competition, and his determination to beat Violet, even to the point of leaving him behind when she probably needed him the most, by the end of the episode, we see both Violet and Huey not only reconcile, but start to actually bond. During this high stress situation, Violet was a great source of relief for Huey, using her own experiences of failure to inspire Huey to not give up, and that even if he does lose (which he did) in this specific situation, there'll be more opportunities because he is great when it comes to the Junior Woodchucks. Even when Violet wins, instead of being bitter which would definitely be expected considering that Huey is a child and how much he was anticipating winning, he is able to put his grievances aside and congratulate her because she helped him greatly during a point of weakness. Even if Violet and Huey's friendship didn't end up as closeknit as his and Boyd's, or as prominent as his and Fenton's, I think this was still a meaningful connection for him as Violet was great balance for the anxiety that he was feeling at the time, and despite him leaving her behind, she beared no ill will towards him.

This is only the first part, where I examined what I felt were the key component to his character development over the last three seasons, and the next post will focus on other aspects that weren't as focused on during the series!

#huey masterpost #huey duck #ducktales

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floralseokjin · 4 years

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;good2me (m)

Hoseok has been your friend and one of your roommates for over a year. That’s fine by you. In fact, most of the time he’s getting on your last nerve, even though you love him half to death. He’d agree. But soon you both find out there’s a very thin line between friendship and potential lovers... Are you prepared to cross it?

pairing; jung hoseok x reader (slight kim seokjin x reader) genre/warnings; friends to lovers (idiots to lovers), roommate au, bartender! hoseok, romance, bearable angst, a small infidelity, some mature content, implied smut words; 15,351

author’s note; i started watching new girl again and got inspired by jess and nick’s relationship! Late, but for hoseok’s birthday 🥺💖

“Ohhh!” Hoseok hollered as you walked into the living area, looking up from where he was sat on the couch, flicking through the television. “Mama’s looking sexy!”

“Thank you. She is,” you said, trying to put on your best sexy voice. You did a little spin, before squeezing your cleavage up. “Got a little breast on show. A little booty if I bend over at a ninety degree angle.” You didn’t bend over the whole way, but he got the picture.

He laughed, genuinely amused. “What is the occasion?”

Trying to keep your bashful smile away, you failed. Big style. “Seokjin’s taking me out on our very first official date.”

“Where to? Somewhere fancy no doubt.”

“It’s a surpriseee.”

You were giddy. Had been all day. You and Seokjin were finally happening, after all this time. Three months ago it seemed impossible. You had met in a quite unsavoury way, as in, you’d been determined to go out that night and have a one night stand. The one night stand had sure happened, but make that a multiple night stand.

It was just casual sex for a few weeks. You didn’t know much about one another—more detail would mean this thing would just get deeper, and it was supposed to be the most casual of casual. You had come out of a longterm relationship at the start of the year, nearly 30 and very unsure what to do now when it came to dating. You’d met a couple of guys along the way, but you kept making the same mistake. You kept getting into relationships with them. You were sick of being Serious Sue, you wanted to be Fun Fanny. The nickname wasn’t the most desirable and you quickly stopped announcing that to potential hook ups you found at the bar. (Hoseok said you were giving off vibes you really didn’t want to be giving off.)

Seokjin was a bit of a closed book back then, you didn’t know his story, why he wanted to keep things so casual. The guy was super sweet, really attentive and amazing in bed, but you didn’t pry. He hadn’t asked for your history, so you didn’t ask for his. Until you found out he was a doctor. A kid’s doctor. Or if you wanted to be official, a paediatrician. The dude was actually perfect, and that’s how you started to fall.

It didn’t end well. When you confessed your feelings and implied you wanted more, he took off. He was sorry about it, apologised profusely, but he still left. You were heartbroken. But not just because of the rejection. It was because you’d fucked up again, wanted something serious, even though you’d sworn this thing with Seokjin was just a hook up.

You managed to shake your dark mood, but you couldn’t shake the fact it felt like Seokjin was the one that got away. The one who was husband material if the situation had been different. It still felt like that nearly two months later when you ran into him at a Christmas party. However, to your surprise, he came at you with a thousand apologies. He couldn’t stop thinking about you, couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d let go. He couldn’t concentrate the regret was so deep. He’d just come out of a shitty relationship when he’d met you, he’d gotten hurt and the idea of getting into a fresh relationship so soon had half frightened him to death. But the truth was he really liked you and wanted to be with you. He wanted something serious now, but he totally understood if you told him where to go.

You very nearly did. You’d put your heart on the line once and he’d stomped all over it. Maybe it was just the stubbornness in you, seeing as you’d secretly held out for this. You’d needed time to think and Seokjin understood. It was actually Hoseok in the end who’d encouraged you to give it a shot. He knew you were frightened of getting hurt, but you deserved happiness and Seokjin could give that to you. (The dude’s perfect, were his exact words. And rich. Bag him now, before I do.)

“Well, have a great time,” Hoseok grinned, taking a moment to get another look at you. “You look stunning. He’s gonna be blown away.”

Your phone dinged in your hand. It was Seokjin, he’d just pulled up. “That’s him now.” Your voice was an unusual pitch. All high and excited. You were nearly at the door when you stopped, remembering what you wanted to tell Hoseok before you’d gotten distracted. You turned back. “Thank you again, Hobi.”

He groaned. “Quit thanking me. I just gave you my opinion. You’re the one who made the decision.”

You nodded, smiling softly. You were a broken record by now. “I don’t think I’ll be coming home tonight so don’t wait up.”

“Ew.” He wrinkled his nose, feigning disgust. “Get out of here!”

You laughed and opened the door to leave. Yeah, you were big style getting laid tonight. “Have fun with the guys!” You called, managing to get a grunt in reply.

Living with three males was interesting, to say the least. Definitely not how you imagined seeing in your thirties. But when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. Life had dealt you a lot of lemons (Read: blows. Lemons = blows) these past twelve months. The breakdown of your eight year relationship had resulted in you moving out of the home you shared. Living with your best friend Joy had been fine at first, but it was always a temporary thing in your mind. That’s how you found yourself here, in loft 4a, living with three guys. Your mother had always told you not to trust an ad on Craigslist, but she lived 100 miles away. What she didn’t know wouldn’t harm her.

There was Hoseok, of course, who you were closest with. It didn’t make any sense, most of the time you were like chalk and cheese. He was hard to read, kind of judge-y on a bad day, but somehow he got you the most. Maybe it was because just before you’d moved in he’d gone through his own similar breakup. Another long term relationship with a woman you’d meant once when she was picking up some of the things she’d left at the loft. You hadn’t known him well back then, but now you did, and you’d seen first-hand what the separation had done to him. It made him insecure. In himself, in his capabilities and in his job. He worked in a bar down the road, had for a few years after he dropped out of law school, and even though he’d never said it outright, you think that was the parting dig Minah, the ex, had left him with when she’d walked out. But despite that, Hoseok could be fun and easy to be around. That’s why you liked him the most. Because he’d always made you feel comfortable. Right from the beginning.

Next, there was Yoongi. A radio host for the local station in your area. You might think he was aloof if you didn’t know him any better, but the guy was very much similar to a cat. Slight in his affection but that just made it all the more sincere. You’d never forget the time he’d kicked out this lame-o you’d thought you were exclusively dating, when in fact it turned out he was seeing three other girls too. Yoongi found you in tears in the living room, jerkface trying to apologise for the misunderstanding. He was out on his ass in under five seconds. From that night on you knew to call him a friend, much to his chagrin. He was a big softy really, and very loyal. That’s why Joy had fallen for him pretty early on. One introduction, a few weeks later and Bam! They were an item. There went her vow to never date a guy shorter than her. Plus, Yoongi was very smug about dating a model. Thought all his Christmas’ had come at once. But yeah, they were very much in love now. Pretty sickening really…

And last but not least, there was Namjoon. He was the brains of the group. The only one with a master’s degree, and the only one with a “proper” job. A high school science teacher. Well, technically you were a teacher too, but it wasn’t particularly the same when you taught a bunch of adults creative writing. Namjoon was the sensible one. The one who kept the lid on everyone’s antics when they were in fear of getting out of control. Although boy could be erratic when he wanted to be. More often now that the woman he’d been dating on and off for six months had finally ended things. Heartbroken Namjoon was not fun. Nor was the depressing music he played at 2am in the morning. But you were there for him because you loved him. You, Hoseok and Yoongi.

3 guys, one girl. Best friends until the end, living in loft 4a.

Ew. It could be a sitcom.

“I don’t understand why you had to meet me outside,” Hoseok said to you. “I work here, it’s not like this place is new to me.”

You hummed, not really wanting to answer him, but also severely distracted. It was a good few weeks later now, winter was pretty much over, life had long and resumed after Christmas. In fact, it was the middle of February and today was Hoseok’s birthday. The last but one of you to turn the dreaded three-oh. You were pretty nervous right now, inside the bar a whole bunch of people ready to celebrate. Hoseok thought it was just you, the guys and Joy joining him for a few drinks… There was minor detail you’d left out and ignored: Hoseok hated surprises.

Walking through the bar entrance first, leading the way for obvious reasons, you were met with darkness. Hoseok stopped dead behind you, and you heard him mutter oh, god, aghast. Your stomach dropped out of your ass but you flicked on the lights, yelling SURPRISE! with the rest of the partygoers filling the dingy room.

“Happy 30th birthday, Hobi!” You exclaimed, hugging into him slightly. You pulled back, a grin on your face, eyes wide as you tried to gauge his reaction. He wouldn’t make a scene, surely? You watched with slight dread as he tried to stretch one across his face too. His eyes were piercing though. Piercing into you with complete and utter disbelief. You then watched as he turned his head and addressed his guests. “Thanks, guys. What a lovely surprise…”

Frick. He was definitely using his fake voice.

“What is this?” Hoseok hissed at you. He’d finally been able to corner you an hour in, and you stood huddled together by the restrooms. “I told you I didn’t want a big deal. You said it was just going to be a few lowkey drinks at the bar!”

“It is,” you insisted, before muttering that next part. “Just with an added 20 more people…”

“I don’t even know half of them!” He looked around the room, and you joined him.

Okay, you had to admit, after the first five people you’d added to the list it was pretty hard to think of more. In the end you’d had to improvise. Invite acquaintances or just even friends of a friend… You wouldn’t admit that though. “Sure you do,” you shrugged. “There’s Yoongi and Joy.”

“She’s your best friend.”

“There’s Namjoon.”

“They don’t count.” He frustrated. “They were supposed to be here! It was just supposed to be them!”

“There’s Mrs. Choi from our building–”

“You invited a 60 year old lady to my birthday?”

She had a soft spot for him. Of course she should be here. “There’s Brian, your-your boss…” You admit by now you were struggling.

“He’s just here because he works every night.”

“There’s…” You glanced around again, desperate to see a familiar face of Hoseok’s. Finally, you found someone. “THERE’S NARA!” You shouted pretty loudly, excitement taking over. She drunk at the bar a few nights a week. Hoseok had become a little enamoured.

He jerked his head in her direction. She was sat in a booth with Yoongi, Joy and Namjoon. The latter chatting away with her. “Oh, my god. You invited Nara?!”

“Of course I did. You like her.”

“No, I don’t.” He was quick to refute. “I don’t like her. How do you know I like her?” He was also quick to give in.

“You find a way to bring her into conversation every single time. Ask Yoongi.”

He sighed dramatically, rubbing his his temples. “Well, that’s just great. Now she knows I’m 30. She knows I’m old!”

“Shut up,” you scoffed. “She’s close to 30 too.”

His head shot up. “You know her age?”

“Yes. I know a lot about her.” You smirked, feeling powerful. “In the five minute conversation we had while I was inviting her, I found out way more than you have in the past three weeks you’ve been into her.”

“I like to take my time.” He fumed. You were close to bickering, you could feel it. Hoseok said you were a butt-er in-er. You took control of things that weren’t your job. This was probably a classic example. However, this time around he relented. He wanted in on this info. He lowered his voice, leaning in. “What did you find out?”

You shrugged, pretty nonchalant. If it wasn’t his birthday you’d make him pay you ten bucks for the facts. “Her surname. Her age. Where she was born. She prefers cats over dogs. LOVE that,” you exclaimed. Hoseok rolled his eyes, speeding you up with hand motions. “She’s only had one serious relationship in her life. Kinda like me. Although, who knows now that me and Seokjin are an item.”

You found yourself easily on a tangent. Your relationship with Seokjin the biggest distraction in your life right now. Things were going amazing. Just over six weeks in and you were finding that domestic bliss you and your ex never had.

“I don’t care about your life. I care about mine.” Hoseok rudely interrupted. “What else did you find out?”

You glared at him but replied. “Not a lot after that. Bottom line is I love her. We’re a lot alike actually.”

“No, you are not,” he insisted, a little bit of nausea in his face. You knew better than to get offended. “Hey, how did you find this all out in five minutes?”

You tipped your shoulders. “People feel comfortable around me. They can open up, y’know?”

He grunted in response, before his eyes widened in horror, thinking of something. “You didn’t tell her I like her, did you?”

“No,” you scoffed. “What do you take me for? An idiot?” The look he gave you was a yes. You rolled your eyes and grabbed him by the shoulders. “You’re going to tell her. Tonight. That’s why I invited her.”

He swallowed, now looking scared. Talking to girls was never his forte. The last “relationship” he’d had since the big breakup had lasted four weeks. He had a lot to learn. You tapped his back encouragingly and he gave you a tight nod. Damn, maybe he really was about to get his flirty flirt on with this woman. You smiled at him and he looked around the bar one last time, shaking his head with a chuckle as he realised something. “God. You threw me a party at the bar I work at.”

When would you ever win?!

An hour later you were making your way back to the apartment. Hoseok in tow. You wanted to convince yourself it was because you could see the party wasn’t his style at all. You mean, you could see that, but the real reason you were in the elevator right now was because you’d been hit with another, even better idea. In fact, you wished you’d just thought of this first.

“They’ll be fine back there. They won’t miss you,” you tried to reassure Hoseok, stepping out into the hallway.

“Gee. That makes me feel so amazing on my birthday. Thank you.” Sarcasm all day, everyday. You didn’t deserve it. “Thank you for gathering a bunch of strangers to celebrate that I am one step closer to death.”

See? It hadn’t been that hard to get him outside and convince him to walk you home because you were feeling a little lightheaded. It was like taking candy from he baby. Hoseok was dumb.

“What happened to you?” You glared his way. “The guys always tell me you were so full of life before I moved in.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I think you’ve answered the question yourself there.”

You tutted, letting it go over his head. “Thirty is not bad, at all. I turned it a few months ago and I’ve just felt amazing ever since.”

“You cried all day.”

Goddamnit. “They were happy tears. Now,” you changed the subject, because yes, he was calling you out, but also he was pulling out his key, about to let himself in. You pushed him to the side, grabbing yours from your purse. “Just let me go do it,” you announced loudly. Almost like you wanted someone to hear you. “Just getting my key. Pushing it in the lock.” You continued the description. “Arriving home!”

“What are you doing? What’s going on?” He was bound to be suspicious. You weren’t exactly being discreet.

“Nothing.” You shook your head, now pushing the door open.

“Nothing? I—

“SURPRISE!”

Hoseok didn’t have a chance to finish his sentence, door swinging open to reveal the guys. Namjoon pushed forward to slip a ’30 Years Old’ banner over his head, and he had the audacity to glare at you.

“I specifically said don’t make this birthday a big deal and instead you throw me TWO surprise parties in the span of a couple hours.” He was in disbelief. “Don’t you listen to a word I say?!”

“This is a better one though.” You whined. “The one I originally should’ve planned. It’s just friends.”

“Hi again,” a little voice sounded from behind Namjoon.

“And Nara.” You grinned, watching Hoseok’s face light up a little. “See Nara came. I invited Nara.” Success. Namjoon had followed instructions. Get the woman into the apartment.

Hoseok finally smiled at you, stepping inside the loft. “Nara came! Hi, Nara!” You’d take that as his seal of approval then. This place was much better for getting to know her. He’d failed miserably at the bar, you wouldn’t allow it here. You were going to play matchmaker tonight.

“Baby!”

The sound of Seokjin’s voice in the hall distracted you, and you shrieked a little when you saw him walking towards you, dressed in all black. “Yay, Seokjin! You made it.” He hugged you straight away, landing a kiss on your lips.

“We managed to get someone else in for the night. I escaped.” He cheered, still holding your waist as he turned his head towards Hoseok. “Happy Birthday, man.”

“Thanks, Jin,” he smiled, before shooting a misplaced compliment. “You’re looking very handsome. As always.”

You rolled your eyes, laughing a little as Seokjin pulled a confused face at you. “Ignore him, he’s already a little buzzed.” You still didn’t understand Hoseok’s obsession with your boyfriend’s looks. But the guy wasn’t wrong, Seokjin did indeed look very handsome tonight. As always.

You glanced around the room, Yoongi and Joy had managed to put up some balloons and a banner in record time after you’d frantically text them the plan half an hour ago. Alcohol stood on the dining table, a few snacks in bowls. Definitely Joy’s doing. You clapped your hands. “Music please! Let’s get this party started!”

The room erupted into cheers.

“Okay, I have an idea,” you yelled into the room. It was over an hour in now. This party was popping, much better than the one happening in bar you bet. You were drunk. Not wasted or anything, but definitely merry. “Let’s play spin the bottle!”

You’d already played Pass the Balloon, thinking of games from when you were a teenager in desperation as you tried to hook Hoseok and Nara up. The balloon one was going well until Namjoon and her had found themselves in some difficulty. Then it was just a wasted ten minutes as you watched them fail to give in. At least Joon was having fun though, it had been a while since you’d seen him have fun, let alone laugh.

“We’re not in high school,” Hoseok grumbled from beside you.

Nara piped up from the kitchen. “I think’ll be fun.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Cool.” Hoseok soon changed his tune. “I think it’ll be fun too. Cool.”

“Great!” You took the bottle Seokjin had been drinking from and swigged the last bit much to his amusement. You hadn’t told him what you were up to yet, but he was going along with your crazy ideas anyway. He always watched you with fondness, which was sweet considering he also called you the wackiest person he knew.

“Everyone, get in a circle and sit!” You ordered. They listened. You grabbed Hoseok just before he took off. “You, come here.” Dragging him out into the hall that lead to your bedrooms you tried your best to whisper. “Sit next to Nara.”

“Huh?”

God. Was he dumb? “I’m helping you here. Setting you up.”

“I don’t need you to,” he exasperated. “I got this.”

You knew for a fact he didn’t “got this”. “It’ll be your turn first, birthday boy n’ all.” You carried on like you hadn’t heard him. “Spin it ever so slightly.”

“That’s so obvious.”

“You want to make it obvious.”

He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Fine.”

You smiled in triumph, grabbing him by the arm. “Remember: ever so slightly!” And with that you dragged him towards the circle. You were pretty feisty when you needed to be.

“It’s Hobi’s turn first because he’s the birthday boy,” you told everyone as you pushed him down between Nara and Joy. You sat to Nara’s left; convenient to keep an eye on everything, plus you were next to Seokjin too.

“It’s so cute how you call him Hobi,” Nara commented, leaning into you with a smile.

“Oh, really?” You were a little caught off guard. “Everyone calls him that. No big deal.” You tried to think if that was true… You must’ve heard it from somewhere else why would you have started calling him that…?

“Are there rules?” Joy asked.

“Yes! Rules!” You suddenly realised. You racked your brains. Hoseok and Nara couldn’t kiss in front of everyone. That would just be odd. Hm, maybe this was too obvious. “Whoever the bottle lands on, that’s who you kiss! But there’s a twist. It has to be in my closet.”

“You got cameras in there or something?” Namjoon piped up, Nara laughed loudly.

“No,” you said slowly. “Because it’s the biggest. You can’t come out until the deed is done.”

“Isn’t that like seven minutes in heaven?” Yoongi asked.

“Yoongi, just shut up and listen.” Why couldn’t people just be excited? You were trying to hook up their friend! “It’s not like that because I don’t want people having sex in my closet.” You nudged Nara and giggled. She slowly laughed back, a little confused. You caught Hoseok shooting you a look but ignored him.

“Kissing only,” you continued. “And we need photographic evidence.”

“What?” Hoseok sounded like he was about to run off any moment.

“Just a quick pic,” you shrugged. If truth be told, you wanted Hoseok to have the memory of when you set him up with the girl of his dreams forever. That way he could always thank you.

“Is the guy to girl ratio a little skewed?” Yoongi pointed out. “I’m not kissing Joon.”

You ignored him. “TONGUES.” You shouted instead, clapping your hands. “Almost forgot to specify: tongues!”

“I’m not tonguing anyone bar my girlfriend.” Yoongi was adamant.

“Whatever.” You sighed. Didn’t he realise this wasn’t about him? You didn’t care who he tongued or didn’t tongue. It was about who Hoseok tongued!

You stretched over and handed the bottle to him. “Hoseok, spin.” You were careful not to use your, no, the, nickname. There was nothing cute about it.

“Okay. Kinda nervous.” He was practically shouting. If this was his way of trying to sound casual, he was failing. “Don’t want to mess it up.” Thinking about it, this was a very stupid idea. He was about to spin a bottle four inches to the left. You watched feeling a little sick.

The sick feeling turned to one of horror in a nanosecond. You watched in slow motion as the bottle passed Nara. It wasn’t four inches, it was eight. He’d landed on you.

“No.” Hoseok spoke into the room. The denial was strong. “No. No. Nope. No.”

You could hear the room cheering. Yoongi laughing, saying something about how amazing this was. The game had backfired on you. But in truth you weren’t really listening, too busy having a minor breakdown.

You looked at a Hoseok. “No.” He said it back. You looked around at everyone else, eyes wide. In denial and begging for someone to say you didn’t have to do it. “No. No. HA,” you forced a laugh. “I have a boyfriend. I can’t kiss anyone else.”

“If you were going to make me kiss Joon, you’re kissing Hoseok.”

“Baby, it’s just a game,” Seokjin chuckled, hooking his arm around your shoulders. “It’s fine.”

“No.” You were adamant. “I would call that cheating. Wouldn’t you?”

“I would.” Hoseok piped up. At least someone was on your side. No one listened to him.

“Relax.” Seokjin rubbed the back of your neck. “Come here.” He dipped his head, capturing your mouth in a soft kiss before pulling away and winking. “That’s to remember me. Now get on in there!”

The guy physically hauled you up. You perfect boyfriend had no problem with this. Damn him. Damn him for being so reasonable and laid back. Yoongi made a beeline for Hoseok. The glee on his face was pretty frightening.

“To the closest! To the closet! To the closet!” The chanting wasn’t necessary, but it happened any way. Frog marched into your bedroom and pushed into the closet. Surrounded in pitch black before you reached for the light switch.

“You overshot it,” you hissed.

“I was under pressure!” Yelling in whispers was hard. “You do not know how stressful it was!”

You groaned, rubbing your hands all over your face. “Don’t do that you look like The Scream.” Hoseok commented.

You shot him a look before stomping your feet and pointing a finger at him. “I can’t believe this. You were supposed to be in here with Nara!”

“Why the hell did you sit next to her?”

“I don’t know. To keep an eye on you!” In hindsight it was a very bad idea, but what would have happened if you hadn’t? Hoseok would be in here with Seokjin? That was even more weird!

“You guys kissing yet?” Yoongi asked through the door. You could almost see his Lenny face.

“Oh, god,” Hoseok muttered. He sounded faint.

“Yeah. We did it!” You yelled back. You were getting you both out of here. “Was super wet. Hoseok has a freakishly long tongue. Yuck.”

“Hey. No, I don’t.”

“Send the pic. Did you take a pic?” Yoongi sounded way too excited.

Shit. The stupid picture?! Why did you even come up with that rule… “Oh, would you look at that. I didn’t hit the button. Oh well, doesn’t matter,” you shrugged, moving to turn the door handle. It didn’t budge. Almost like someone was holding it shut. “Hey, let us out!!” You yelled.

“No evidence, no escaping.” That was Namjoon. He sounded overly amused.

“Namjoon!” You shrieked in surprise. You twisted and tugged on the handle, hoping you he would relent, give up so you could get the hell out of here. “Let us out. Let us out! I’m claustrophobic!”

“Kiss and take the pic!” Joy shouted.

Joy?! That was it! Friendship over. Come to think of it, where was Seokjin? Maybe you could appeal to him. He’d give in surely. You were about to open your mouth when fresh chanting started. “KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS!” It was so loud you swear you’d wake up with a noise compliant. But more importantly, you could hear Seokjin’s voice along with the rest. Goddamnit. You were really going to have to kiss Hoseok.

You turned back to him, defeat on your face. He’d been oddly quiet since you’d tried escaping. “Let’s just do it,” he shrugged.

“What?” You mean, you’d been planning on saying the same thing, but you’d thought it would take some cajoling.

“Get your phone out. Let’s just get it over with,” he told you. “You want to get out of here, right?”

“Okay.” You nodded, telling yourself it would be fine. “Yeah, we’ll just kiss. It’s no biggie.”

“Nope, no biggie.” He stepped closer. You were suddenly sweating. It was really hot in here and you swear the floor was shaking because of how rowdy they were being outside.

“Hey, remember when I saw your boob that one time?” Hoseok laughed. “It popped right out of your towel when you were talking to me as I brushed my teeth.” He made a popping sound to emphasise, his hand flopping from his chest in an unnecessary reenactment

That had actually been particularly mortifying for you. Especially seeing as it was only a month into living with the guys and you’d just flashed a boob accidentally. “What does that have to do with anything?”

He looked at you, releasing his mistake. “It doesn’t. Just if I’ve seen your boob, I can kiss you.” There was no correlation at all. You wanted to point that out but now he was a few inches from your face. You were going crosseyed trying to look at him. “Okay, let’s do this,” he murmured.

“Ew. What did you just do?” You startled, stepping back.

“Huh?”

“You licked your lips.” He’d licked his lips and moved forward. He was about to put his wet ones on your normal ones.

“Of course I did. Do you want dry lips?”

“Yes! I want dry lips,” you insisted.

He pulled a face, more than puzzled. “These things can get pretty chapped, but ok.” Before you could say anything else he had his hands on your face, lunging closer with his eyes closed.

“No. No.” You ducked from his grip, darting to the other side of the closet. Had it always been that small in here? You used to think it was massive.

Hoseok sighed. “What now?”

“You cupped my face. You did this thing with your eyes.”

“What, closed them?!”

“Don’t kiss me with your eyes closed.”

“So you want to be staring at each other the whole time?” He thought you were crazy. Could tell by the tone of his voice. He exhaled, voice calmer when he spoke again. “You don’t want to kiss me, do you?”

“Of course I don’t. It’s weird as hell.” You caught the look on his face. “Oh, come on. You cannot be offended. Does the idea of kissing me not gross you out?”

“No, it doesn’t gross me out. That’s a bit drastic.”

God, he was not guilt tripping you right now. It worked anyway. “Fine! Let’s kiss.” He looked startled, probably feeling dizzy by your back and forth. “C’mon. Kiss me, Jung.” He didn’t budge. You started chanting. It was the only way. “Kiss me! Kiss me! Kiss me!”

“Ok, okay.” He yelled over you. “Shut the hell up.” You continued. You always did like pissing him off.

In a split second he was in front of you. “Come here.” His cupped your face again and you instantly shut up. Your eyes were locked on his, and in this pretty dismal lighting he looked beautiful. It made your insides feel funny. For a moment there you caught yourself puckering. You caught yourself actually wanting to kiss him, and then in the blink of an eye it was gone. Almost like it never happened. He murmured your name and pulled away, shaking his head

“What?”

“I can’t do this,” he admitted. “It’s too weird.”

“Ha! See!” You were triumphant. “It is weird!”

He shook his head again, chuckling quietly. “No, I mean… This is not how it’s supposed to go.”

“What?” There was silence. He didn’t try to elaborate. “Supposed to go?” No matter how much you tried to make sense of that, nothing worked. “How’s it supposed to go, Hoseok?”

“Forget it. I didn’t say anything,” he tried to backtrack. “It came out wrong.”

“Hoseok.” He didn’t tell you. He just stared at you, unable or unwilling. “Hobi—p”

“You guys win.” You were interrupted as the door burst open, Yoongi grumbling like a giant baby.

You blinked rapidly, not used to the bright lights. Everything felt a little weird, like you’d been in that closest for years. You walked out first, not looking behind you. You felt a little shaken up. You couldn’t explain why.

Seokjin wrapped his arms around your shoulders and laughed. “We were sick of waiting.” He smelt of beer and his eyes were unfocused. You hadn’t realised before but he was drunk. Way more than you were.

“Get back in the circle,” Namjoon ordered, leading the way. God, this game was still going to continue? You’d all be here until tomorrow morning. “You guys are spoilsports.”

“What’s a little kissing among friends?” Yoongi piped up, which was rich coming from him. “Okay, Nara’s turn,” he said once everyone had gotten back into place. She took the bottle eagerly. “Spin it, girl!”

You all watched it go. You totally forgot to pray it landed on Hoseok until it was too late. The room erupted into cheers and wolf whistles as it stopped and your heart sunk.

“NAMJOON!!” Yoongi yelled. “Get it, Kim!”

You shot Hoseok an apologetic look.

“Hey.” You said, stopping by the sofa where Hoseok sat. “I’m sorry about tonight.”

It was a fewhours later, the party was over and you were in your pyjamas ready for bed. Seokjin was already tucked up on his side and you’d just gone to get a glass of water. You didn’t want a headache in the morning. You were surprised to see Hoseok still awake and in the living room.

He shook his head, laughing a little. “It’s fine. I actually kinda enjoyed it in a strange way.”

“You did?”

“Yup. What better way to see 30 in. Trapped in a closet with you.”

You laughed at his silliness, making your way over to the sink to fill up your glass. You gulped the water down, thinking to yourself. You didn’t care if he was just trying to make you feel better. You were still relieved he hadn’t totally hated it. There were worse people to be stuck in a closet with. You hoped.

As you placed the now empty glass down a faint banging appeared. Like something hitting against a wall. It got louder and then slowed away. “What’s that?” You asked Hoseok, turning around and genuinely puzzled.

“Oh, that,” Hoseok chuckled. “That’s Namjoon and Nara. He’s giving it to her good. Real good.”

Your mouth dropped open, just as the banging re-emerged. Yes, it was definitely coming from his room. His headboard. Then the guilt kicked in. “Oh my god. Hobi, I’m so sorry.” How had this happened? How had you not seen the signs? It was pretty obvious now, thinking back, Nara had been totally into Namjoon. All that hushed talking, giggling and touching. The game of spin the bottle. That girl had rigged her own spin for it to land on him. Only she’d been a good shot. Hoseok on the other hand…

Hoseok raised his hand, brushing your apologies away. “He asked for permission. He needs this.” Maybe so. This was the first woman Joon had shown an interest in after Sookie. Hoseok was too understanding. “Besides, I oddly don’t care.”

Or maybe not.

“You don’t?” You instantly kicked yourself for prying. Prying and being nosey had been the downfall of this night. Yet here you were itching for more info.

“Yeah, I just…” He trailed off and shrugged. “Maybe I don’t like Nara that much. It was just a stupid crush. No big deal.”

You didn’t know what to say. You wanted to ask what made him change his mind so suddenly? Made him realise? But that seemed inappropriate. You nodded instead, letting him know you got it, and turned to leave. “Goodnight.”

“Wait,” he called. “Hold up.” He jumped up and you turned to face him again, waiting like he’d asked. “I want to say sorry too. I made that weird. The game.”

“Oh.” The closet. The awkwardness had slowly disappeared through the night and now you had a sickly feeling it was about to come back. If the look on his face was anything to go by.

“What I meant was,” he was talking slow, a little stunted. “If I was ever going to kiss you, it wouldn’t be like that. Because of some stupid game.”

His words took a moment to process. Perhaps you had another hundred questions to ask but they seemed impossible. You should just take what he said and accept it. The game was over and you’d never play it again. You’d never get in a closet with him again. You felt strange, but you didn’t admit that. Instead you smiled. “Okay.”

That feeling was creeping back. The one from the closet, when he’d been holding your face and staring into your eyes. The one where he’d looked so good under that weird yellow light. Hoseok was handsome, you’d always thought so, but in a way where you’d never actually thought of it, if that made sense… In that closet, you’d thought it.

“Come on, I’ll walk with you,” he told you, interrupting the butterflies in your stomach. You walked side by side, down the corridor. Your rooms were directly opposite one another. Had you pointed that out before?

You stopped when he did, forcing yourself to say something. It was just Hoseok. You talked to him all the time. You yelled at him all the time. And laughed, and fooled around. He was your friend. “I promise I’ll make next year’s birthday better.”

He smiled gently, head tilted, voice soft. “You don’t have to promise me anything. Night.”

“Goodnight, Hobi.”

You made to turn, hand nearly on the door handle, but then he pulled you back. One hand reaching for yours, the other curling around your waist. Your mouths met in such a rush you didn’t realise until you felt the warmth of his tongue. It was passionate and eager. The kind of kiss you see in the movies, where no one comes up for air, where their bodies move on their own accord.

There were no thoughts, just feelings. The feeling of how good this was, and how much it took your breath away. The feeling of his lips on yours and how you should’ve been feeling them a long time ago. The feeling of his arms wrapped around your waist, clutching you tight, and yours around his shoulders, holding him close.

When you finally pulled away, no choice but to, you were trembling. Boneless. Hs breath fanned across your face and you were sad. You wanted more. You wanted to kiss him all night. Slowly, more deliberately, you pushed your lips against his, savouring the feel. He kissed you back just as softly before breaking away for good.

“That’s how it would go,” he murmured. He was breathing heavily. “How I imagined it to be.”

And that he was gone. To his room, door shut.

You stood there dazed, lips tingling and you brought your fingers out to touch them. There was silence all around you, and slowly, the haze began to lift. In its wake brought panic and guilt. Seokjin. Your boyfriend was asleep just behind the door.

What had you done?

You got hardly any sleep. Your brain wouldn’t switch off. The guilt twisting your gut, even more so when you kept thinking of the kiss and how good it was, and how short lived it was. Seokjin centimetres away from you, clueless. You rose early. Everyone else was still asleep, the loft silent. Still in your pyjamas you poured yourself some cereal and sat on at the counter, munching away sombrely.

Hoseok was the first to wake up. Of course. You should’ve just stayed inside your room, but you couldn’t bear to be near Seokjin. He strolled into the living room casually, making his way to the kitchen. You tried to ignore the way your stomach flipped because you didn’t know what it meant. Were you angry, panicked, something else?

“Good morning.” He greeted casually.

Angry. You were angry. It rushed up your body. How dare he be so casual. As if nothing had happened. “Seriously? Good morning?” You retorted. He was making himself a coffee. “What’s good about it, Hoseok? You kissed me last night!”

He gave a little shrug. “I know I did.”

You were flabbergasted by his gall. Had to force yourself to continue. “Well,” you stared at him. “Aren’t you going to explain yourself?”

“I already did.” He spoke simply. “I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to show you how I would kiss you.”

Nope. You weren’t feeling guilty over this any longer. Not when he was acting so unfazed. He was the one who had kissed you. This was his doing. And he didn’t care at all. “To what? Prove a point?” You demanded.

He scoffed, dropping a teaspoon into the sink. “No, not to prove a point.” He turned to face you, back leaning against the counter. “I wanted to kiss you.”

Your mind was beginning to reel. “I have a BOYFRIEND,” you said slowly, unable to keep a lid on your anger. “Who I had to sleep next to last night.”

Right on cue, Seokjin came from around the corner, still half asleep and rubbing his eyes. You froze, feeling instantly sick. You hope he hadn’t heard anything.

He hadn’t. He smiled when he saw you both, making his way over. “Morning, guys.”

“Seokjin, hey,” you breathed, feeling a little trembly. You pushed your bowl away, not hungry now. You caught Hoseok’s eyes.

“Morning,” he nodded, turning to look at Seokjin but averting his gaze.

Seokjin leant down and kissed your cheek, rubbing your shoulder. “Did you sleep at all last night? You were tossing and turning like crazy.”

You felt yourself panicking. You needed to cool it. “Ah, I think I was still pumped from the party.” You laughed lightly.

Seokjin joined in. “You guys sure do know how to have fun. I think I’ve drunk more in these past two months than I have in my entire life.” You heard Hoseok gave the lamest laugh back. It sounded more like a scoff and you shot him a look.

“Hey, wanna go to the zoo today?” Seokjin suggested. You’d been on about going for weeks now just hadn’t gotten around to it. “I’m not due at the hospital until tonight.”

You forced yourself to smile. Hoped it seemed natural. “I’d love to.”

“Perfect,” he grinned, reaching to kiss your lips. They twinged, and you remembered the feeling of Hoseok’s mouth. You were also very aware he was a witness to all this. You pulled back quickly. “Wanna shower first?” Seokjin asked.

“No, it’s okay. You go.”

You couldn’t bear them to be alone together. Hoseok was acting weird, you didn’t trust him not to tell Seokjin. As it would have it though, by the time you looked across at the counter, Hoseok was gone, already walking off back to his room.

“What’s wrong?” You asked Seokjin as you made your way into your room. You’d showered straight after him. Gotten dressed in the bathroom because you did not fancy bumping into Hoseok wrapped in a towel. Even though you had many a time.

Seokjin looked a little sad, you could tell by his face straight away something was up, and delayed, you felt dread begin prick at your spine. What if Hoseok had told him?

“Bad news. They need me at the hospital.” He sounded guilty that he had to let you down.

While you felt instant relief. He didn’t know about the kiss and your guilty conscious was happy you wouldn’t have to spend all day together. You felt terrible at the realisation. Maybe you should just tell him what happened. But… not like this. Not today. You were a serial put-er off-er.

“That’s okay, it can’t be helped,” you told him, making your way over to the bed where he sat perched on. You rubbed his shoulder. You both liked doing that to one another. Thinking that made you sad. “I feel bad for you though. You haven’t had a proper day off in weeks.”

It was true, Seokjin worked harder than any person you’d met before. You didn’t know how he did it. More sadness filled you. You couldn’t explain why. This time it wasn’t the guilt over the kiss, but something else. Everything had changed.

“You’re cute,” he smiled. “I’ll be fine. Always am.” Those words stuck with you. “I’m sad we can’t go to the zoo. Rain check?”

“Rain check,” you nodded, smiling slightly.

“What will you do instead today?” He asked, before chuckling. “Hoseok’s here all day. Keep him company.”

Your eyes widened. “You’ve been talking to Hob–Hoseok?” Damn that nickname. He didn’t deserve to be called Hobi.

“Yeah, while you were in the shower.”

Change the subject. “I think I may hang out with Joy.” It was the weekend after all, and Yoongi had work this afternoon and then he was going out for drinks with some coworkers. Joy would be free. “We can have a girly day. I could stay over maybe.” You were babbling. Trying to make this believable even though it wasn’t a lie. “Face masks, pillow fights, all that sleepover stuff.”

Seokjin looked at you funny and laughed affectionately. “You’re really trying to relive your high school years, aren’t you? You’re cute,” he repeated. He always called you cute. He wrapped his arms around you waist, pulling you a little closer. “—and weird. That’s why I like you.”

Yes. Sometimes you did think you were a little bit “too much” for Seokjin, but he always seemed so endeared by you. Usually this kind of talk made you happy, but you felt strange inside. Like everything was slowly dying. Seokjin kissed you, it didn’t bring you back to life. “I’ll see you tomorrow night. Promise I’ll be free.”

You forced yourself to smile. Any more and your lips would start aching. “Can’t wait.”

He rubbed his nose against yours, voice low. “You can come over. Maybe we can play seven minutes in heaven…”

You giggled, but in your mind you couldn’t stop thinking about your kiss with Hoseok.

“Hoseok kissed me last night.”

It was a few hours later, not even twenty four after the kiss, and you were finally telling someone about it. You weren’t built to keep secrets. Joy knew that. She knew you the best out of anyone. She’d been your best friend for over twenty years. That’s why it was her you told. Curled up on her sofa you blurted it out. No lead up, no ‘Hey, can I tell you something?’ Just straight out with it.

She turned her attention away from the television, a look of confusion spread all over her face. “During the game or?”

You breathed out. “After. Once everyone had gone home.”

Her eyes widened, but she spoke slowly, as if she was trying really hard to understand. “I’m confused. Was it a drunk thing?”

“I don’t know why he did it,” you admitted. If you had a solid answer maybe you could get your head around it more. “He said he wanted to show me how our first kiss would go.”

“Hold up.” Now Joy had come to life. Still in shock, but needing explanations. “He imagined a first kiss? Does he like you?”

“No,” you exclaimed, pulling a disgusted face. “It’s Hoseok. Me and Hoseok.”

“Do you like him?”

Was she crazy? “No.” But that sounded too mean. “Yes. I mean, of course I like him, he’s my friend.”

“Christ. He kissed you,” she muttered, shaking her head a little in disbelief.

“I kissed him back.” Had you left out that minor detail? It was all very well saying Hoseok kissed you, but you’d let him, and you’d kissed him back just as hard. The memory had your insides feeling funny again.

Joy looked a little in stunned. You didn’t blame her. You and Hoseok kissing? His mouth on yours, his hands on your body, his tongue in your mouth… You needed a cold shower. Where was your guilt now?!

“What was it like?” She asked hesitantly. Curious.

“Really good.” You couldn’t lie. And you couldn’t keep the truth in. You just needed to be honest with yourself. “I’m so confused. Joy, I cant stop thinking about it. I’m so mad at him but it was just so… It was just so hot. But out of this world. Like, I saw through time and space, and it was Hoseok doing it!” In what world did that seem realistic? He was your friend!

“Damn, Hoseok has game.” Joy sounded half impressed.

You sighed sadly. “I think it was the best kiss of my life but it can’t be because…” There she was. The guilt. She settled in your stomach, heavy and sickly. “Seokjin. I have a boyfriend. One who I’ve liked for the longest time.”

You remembered how much you wanted to make it work with him while things were still just a hook up and how heartbroken you’d been when he’d told you he couldn’t give you that. How confused and kind of mad you were when he found you again and confessed his feelings and how happy you’d been when you’d given him another chance. When Hoseok had encouraged you to give it a try. Nothing made sense. Everything had changed after one kiss.

“Are you going to tell him?” Joy asked.

“I don’t know. I was going to forget the kiss ever happened but I don’t think I can do that,” you admitted. Seokjin deserved the truth, but selfishly, more than that, you couldn’t live like this, so conflicted. It wasn’t black and white. You’d kissed Hoseok back.

“Just think it through, okay?” She told you gently. “If you tell him it’ll make things awkward. You’re friends with Hoseok. You live with Hoseok.”

You didn’t think Joy got it. You didn’t think you got it. You couldn’t forget about the kiss. That’s why you had to tell Seokjin. “No, I should tell him.” Your voice was a little shaky. “I kissed Hoseok back. It wouldn’t be fair to blame it all on him. Seokjin needs to know.”

You slipped through the door, trying to be as quiet as possible. You turned left, towards your bedroom and began creeping. It was past midnight but you still wanted to go as undetected as possible, praying Namjoon and Hoseok were in their rooms already.

“Hey.” You winced when you heard Hoseok’s voice, freezing. “I was waiting up for you. Where were you all day?”

You turned back slowly, trying to make your voice sound as neutral as possible. If truth be told, the last person you wanted to have a conversation with right now was him. “At Joy’s. I was going to stay over but Yoongi got drunk and she had to pick him up.”

“You were going to stay over because of me?” He asked. You stayed silent and he sighed your name. “Look, I’m really sorry I did this. Made things awkward between us. It’s the last thing I want.”

Your jaw tightened in anger. Then why the hell had he kissed you? “I don’t feel awkward. Do you feel awkward?”

“I feel a little awkward.” He admitted, hands in his pockets. You stayed a few feet apart. “You left the house all day to avoid me.”

“I’m not feeling awkward. I’m feeling…mad.”

“Mad?” He had the cheek to sound surprised. “At me?”

“You kissed me when I have a boyfriend.” You explained like you had to. “Did you not think of the consequences?”

He lowered his head, sheepish, yet he still didn’t apologise. “Are you going to tell him?” He asked instead. “Just don’t.”

“What?” Your voice was low, anger rising.

Hoseok shrugged. “Just forget it ever happened.”

“Forget it ever happened?!” You exclaimed. “I can’t.” You shook your head, the memory of the kiss pushing its way back into your head. No. That wasn’t why. “I can’t lie to him. You’re asking me to lie to him?”

“It’s not lying, it’s just not telling him something happened. He’s oblivious to it anyways.”

“What the hell?” You couldn’t begin to explain why you felt so frustrated. So offended. “I can’t do this.” You voice shook. You were blowing up. “I was happy before last night. Like really happy, and now everything is ruined because you kissed me!” He stayed silent. You couldn’t read his expression.

“Like jeez,” you laughed in frustration. “It doesn’t make sense, Hoseok. You were encouraging me to give him another chance and now what, you like me?” You mocked, instantly regretting it by the way his face fell.

“Is that funny to you?” He scoffed. “Is the possibility I like you so hilarious you feel the need to laugh in my face?” Oh no. “Or are you laughing because it seems so crazy? Impossible?”

You could feel the dread prickling your skin, but all you could do was watch him in horror. “I like you.” The way he said your name afterwards made something inside of you long. You pushed it away, because otherwise your legs might give way from under you.

“I like you a lot. Way more than a friend and I don’t know for how long.”

You couldn’t speak. Just watched him struggle to find the right words himself. “It-It’s just one of those things. You came into my life like a bulldozer and I kept thinking, how had I gone through nearly thirty years of my life not knowing you?” He scoffed. “It sounds stupid, but it’s true. Slowly I just began thinking maybe one day it’ll be our chance. It wasn’t urgent. Just kinda there in my subconscious. Most of the time I didn’t even think about it.” He shrugged. “I was okay with waiting. Okay with watching you date other guys because it wasn’t our turn yet. One day,” he sighed. “One day it would be, and I’d get to kiss you like last night.”

The kiss was back behind your eyes. The feeling of his lips, the taste of his mouth. The touch of his body. For some reason you were angry.

“That game messed it all up and I’m sorry for that, but I’m not sorry for kissing you. I won’t apologise for that.”

“No.” You finally said something. It was final, but your voice shook. “No. You can’t be doing this right now, Hoseok.” You pointed at him, accusing him. “I’m happy. For the first time in a long time I was happy. I like Seokjin. He’s the first guy I’ve really felt something with since Seungwoo. Do you know how important that is?” He should understand that more than anyone, with what happened with Minah.

“You expect me to throw it all away because one day you see yourself with me? One day?!” You were a goddamn after thought. One of those pacts friends made. If we’re still single at 40 we’ll get married. Was that what you were to him? You blinked away frustrated tears. He was one of your best friends and that’s how he saw you?

“Oh, please,” he sneered. He sounded hurt, but mad. You’d never seen him angry before. You hated it. You’d bickered many times, but never to this level. “You’re always choosing shitty men.”

“You’ve known me for a year!”

“Yeah, and in that time it hasn’t been great,” he scoffed. You thought of the handful of men Hoseok had witnessed you date and cringed. He was judging you. Two could play at that game. Childish or not.

“Oh, and you have such a great taste in woman. If I remember correctly, one robbed you after you slept with her!”

“That could’ve happened to anyone!”

Whatever. “Seokjin is not a shitty man!” He was kind, and sweet, and probably way too good for you.

“You were his fuck buddy for weeks and when you told him you had feelings for him he ran away only to come back with his tail between his legs. He had his chance and he blew it. You deserve better.”

“You were the one who told me to go for it!” You exasperated. He wasn’t making sense. He was the one who encouraged you to give Seokjin a second chance. Without Hoseok, you wouldn’t be together right now.

“I regret that now. What more do you want me to say?”

Really? You stared at him. “I want you to say you don’t know anything.”

“I don’t know anything?”

“Yes, you don’t know anything about anything.” He just said things, did things, without thinking of the consequences. He was thoughtless. “Seokjin might’ve been the one, but now it’s all ruined!”

“He’s not.”

Fuck him. He sounded so sure. What did he know? “It’s ruined because of you!” You shouted in frustration. “I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to feel.” All you could remember was the kiss. “I was happy and now I’m not.”

“Well I’m sorry for making you unhappy,” he sighed. “That’s what I do.” He threw his hands into the air and laughed bitterly. “I’m sorry for thinking me and you could be something great. I’m sorry for not having my life together. Not being rich, or for not being devilishly handsome—which I may add,” he shot, “is freaky. No man should be that beautiful!”

For god’s sake. What was he trying to do now? Guilt trip you? “What are you going on about? Those are your insecurities. I don’t care about all that stuff.” Was he trying to say you were shallow?

“Of course you do,” he insisted. “Seokjin has it all. What do I have? Nothing. I’m 30 and work at a bar. I dropped out of law school and forget to shower some days. I don’t own my own home. I live in a loft with two other guys and you.”

You? Why did he say it like that? For someone who supposedly liked you he wasn’t doing a good job of showing it. From the seems of things he didn’t like you.

“Do yourself a favour and just don’t tell him. Forget about me and be happy. Fall in love with him, marry him, have tons of super pretty babies.”

Jaw tight, you sneered. “This is why we wouldn’t work out.” You told him. “You’re childish.” He wasn’t relationship material. He wasn’t what you were looking for. “You’re selfish. You’re mean.”

He scoffed. “I’m mean?”

Your bottom lip wobbled, eyes filling up. “Yeah, you really are.” And then you stormed off. Down the hall and into your room. Just in time to hide the tears that slipped down your cheeks. He couldn’t see you cry. He couldn’t see he’d gotten to you.

He yelled your name, calling you back, sounding regretful, but you didn’t listen and he didn’t follow you.

The next morning you didn’t see Hoseok at all. He was either in his room when you finally emerged from yours, or he was already at the bar. You were thankful either way. You didn’t think you could handle facing him. You were still so mad, but more than that you were upset. Confused.

You showered and got ready with a struggle. Forced yourself to go grocery shopping even though you had no appetite for food, and then you just tried to keep yourself distracted. You caught up with some marking that needed to be done by tomorrow, meal prepped for lunches and tried to seem normal around Namjoon who was milling about the loft too. Then Seokjin messaged your asking if you still wanted to hang out this evening. You replied yes with a heavy heart.

On your way there you’d convinced yourself that you weren’t going to tell him. Yes, you had kissed Hoseok back, but he was the one that had made the move. You could forget about it with time. You could be happy with Seokjin again. Your guilty conscience would go.

But sitting with him on the sofa, his arm looped around your shoulders and his soft laugh rumbling in your ears every time something funny happened in the movie you were watching, you realised something. The only reason you didn’t want to tell him was because you wanted to spite Hoseok. You were being selfish. The same thing you’d accused Hoseok of last night.

Seokjin deserved to now, whatever the outcome. For him, for you, for Hoseok…

“I kissed Hoseok.”

It didn’t sound like your voice, but you’d said it.

You felt Seokjin move and you automatically wriggled out from under his arm. He paused the movie, looking back at you with a bemused expression. “You kissed him?” He laughed slightly. “Why didn’t time say? We would’ve left you out sooner.”

He’d mistaken what you meant. Just like Joy. You closed your eyes softly, sadness filling you. You wanted to say yes, in the game more than anything, just not to hurt him, but that wasn’t the truth. You’d kissed Hoseok off your own back and you’d enjoyed it. “No,” you said softly. “We kissed after the party. Later on when I went to get some water. He kissed me, but I kissed him back.” You didn’t take a moment to pause, needing it all to be out.

Seokjin was silent as he absorbed the information. Shocked being a given. Finally he said something. “You kissed him while I was in the loft too? In your bed?”

When he worded it like that you felt sick. You nodded sadly. “I feel terrible, Seokjin. I do. I just couldn’t not tell you. Hoseok said to forget it ever happened but I… It–We…” You fumbled over your words and took a moment to compose yourself. “We argued last night and I’m just… I’m really confused.”

Two nights ago everything had changed. You’d been in this perfect new relationship. It had promise, it was going somewhere and you were over the moon. Then the kiss had happened and you hadn’t been able to see a future with Seokjin anymore. No matter how small.

His face was unreadable as he looked at you. You wanted him to get mad. You wanted him to yell at you and tell you how much of a horrible person you were. You deserved it. But that wasn’t his style. Instead he breathed out some kind of little laugh. “There’s no need to be confused. I get it now. You like Hoseok. Of course you do.”

You were too surprised to even think about refuting him. Of all the things for him to say, you had not been expecting that. “Seeing you guys together,” he carried on. “You always bicker, get on one another’s nerves, but now I see it.” He chuckled. Sadly amused. “It was chemistry. You two just bounce off one another so well. I don’t know, maybe you’re frustrated too, mad you’re not together.”

You let his words sink in. Trying to think of every interaction you’d had with Hoseok since you met him. It was pretty much an instant connection. You’d always thought so, but did that really mean… You couldn’t let yourself think here. In front of Seokjin, after you’d just confessed to him. But everything was flooding to the forefront of your brain, and it was hard work trying to stop it. There was no point trying to deny it. Not now.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” you told him instead. Meaning it sincerely. You hadn’t even realised anything yourself. Not even when it was right in front of you. When Hoseok was telling you he liked you.

He smiled sadly. “Better for it to happen now, right?”

“I really care about you, Seokjin. These past few weeks have been amazing. Even before, when we were…” You stopped and shook your head. “You’re the best and I’m really sorry.” You truly did mean that. No matter how lame it sounded.

“You’re a really great girl, remember that,” he told you. “Maybe if I’d figured out my feelings months ago things would be different, but then again,” he shrugged, “maybe you’re just meant to be with him.”

Meant to be with him. Hoseok. Were you meant to be with Hoseok?

Seokjin took you hand and squeezed it gently. “I’m done,” he murmured, his eyes kind but firm. “I don’t want to be second best.”

You had déjà vu. You were slipping through the door again. This time you didn’t try to creep into your room though. You made your way into the kitchen, needing a glass of water. Just to take some time for yourself, needing to find some clarity. You found it as soon as your eyes landed on Hoseok walking from the direction of the bathroom. Everything fell into place, began to make sense.

He stopped dead when he saw you, awkward and probably panicked after last night. “Hey,” you said gently. “Where is everyone?” It was strange for the loft to be so quiet on a Sunday night.

He cleared his throat. “Namjoon has Nara over, Yoongi‘s still over Joy’s place.” He was already beginning to walk away. “I’ll be out of your way, just going to bed.”

You opened your mouth to call him back. You had so much to say, but… But was tonight a good time to start? Your head was still whirring. Sadness and guilt over your breakup with Seokjin but you also felt giddy at the sight of Hoseok. You wanted to say sorry for the argument, for all the things you said, and most of all you wanted to tell him that you—

“Aren’t you supposed be staying with Jin tonight?” Hoseok had stopped, turning back with the afterthought. “Namjoon mentioned it.”

He didn’t need to explain himself. You didn’t care how he knew. You didn’t care about a lot right now. Only one thing. “He broke up with me,” you replied. “I told him about the kiss and now it’s over.”

Hoseok’s eyes bulged, visibly shocked. “What? Didn’t you tell him it was my fault?” He walked over to you. There was still a distance but it was a start. “No,” he muttered. “Why would he break up with you? It’s not your fault.”

Sweet, caring Hoseok. You smiled at him, the words that left you almost bubbling into a laugh. “It is.”

He looked mighty confused. He was probably thinking you’d lost it right now. You hadn’t. You’d only just found it. You took a deep breath. It was now or never. “It’s my fault because I like you too.”

Silence. He looked stunned. It seemed strange to say it out loud but also sort of invigorating. Nothing made sense in this world, bar one thing. Your feelings for him. You laughed, more words now rushing out. “I really like you. And I don’t know for how long. Maybe from the beginning,” you shrugged, “maybe from the kiss. I don’t know.”

You’d been trying to pinpoint the exact moment on the ride home. Going through each memory you had with him in an attempt to understand when it happened. There was no real answer. It had snuck up on you, wanted you to be oblivious. And you think that was how it was for him too. Why last night had been so confusing.

You were mad at him because you liked him too. You were mad at him because you thought he didn’t like you enough. He didn’t like you like he thought he liked you. God, you were a mess. Your thoughts weren’t making sense. What were you trying to say?

“I don’t know,” you repeated. “My head’s a mess and I really have a headache right now.” You rubbed your temples and then remembered something. “I also have a flat tyre. I think I drove over a nail on the way here. I don’t know how I’m going to get to work tomorrow morning.”

“You could borrow my ca—

“Hobi, I don’t care.” You interrupted, laughing again. You felt funny, like you were floating. It felt good to call him that again. “I don’t care about anything right now, except you.” His eyes flashed at that, something changing on his face. He moved forward, closer to you. The counter was the only thing that separated you now.

“I don’t understand anything and I’m really confused, but I know one thing,” you insisted, finally giving into the urge that had been raging your body for nearly two days. “I really want to kiss you.” You swallowed, tasting the memory of him. “Again. I can’t stop thinking about the kiss. It was the best kiss of my life.”

He rounded the counter in the blink of an eye. He’d stayed silent for the majority of your confession, except for offering you his car, the idiot. You almost laughed again; why was he so sweet? Yeah, you would’ve laughed if he didn’t look so irresistible right now. So serious, so desperate, so intense. He was breathing heavily, almost panting, eyes blown black.

“Can I kiss you now?” His voice was rough, broken with desire.

You parted your mouth to reply. To say yes, to say please, to almost beg, but his lips were already on yours, hands cupping your face. Hungry, needy, eager. He pushed you against the counter your back was to, and you let out a gasp, maybe more of a moan. He took the opportunity to swipe his tongue against yours. He tasted like toothpaste. You hated spearmint, but now you loved it.

You grasped him, letting your hands roam over his back. You wanted to touch him, feel him, never let him go. You grabbed the corners of his t-shirt with your fists and pulled him closer. He stumbled forward and your head feel back against one of the overhead cupboards. You didn’t care, clung to his mouth as he tried to pull back and check on you. “Don’t stop,” you whined against his lips.

He chuckled but it trembled, probably had something to do with the way you were pressing your body into his. He gave up in the end, needing to get his hands on you too. He moved to your waist, hands gripping around the small of your back, holding you tight and pushing just as much into you, because he wanted to feel you against him too. To get as close as possible because there had always been a stupid, unnecessary distance between you.

You felt hot, a little sweaty and out of breath, unsure how a kiss had got you this wrecked. It was just as good as his birthday—no, better. It was better because now you both knew what you wanted.

“Hey—I know—this isn’t r-really the–mm–time,” Hoseok was trying to speak but he couldn’t stay away from your lips long enough. Words blurred and getting caught short, but you just kissed him more furiously. “But I really f-feel guilty about—last night. All the–the stuff I said–”

“It’s fine,” you got out, but it was enough to begin distracting you.

He pulled back successfully, gazing at you, eyes warm and sincere. His breath fanned across your face. “I just feel really bad about all that stuff I said about Seokjin. He’s a good guy, I just—

“Let’s not speak about him now,” you interrupted softly. You took a deep breath, slipping your hands up his sides to rub his back. You were both coming down from that high slowly.

He sighed weakly. “Yeah, I know, I just,” he paused, struggling, before giving a small shrug. “I was jealous of him.”

“It’s okay,” you reassured. But now Seokjin was back in your head. The guilt was still there. Of course it wouldn’t go immediately, no matter how understanding he had been. But these emotions were conflicting. Plus, you knew you and Hoseok couldn’t be this simple. There was still so much to talk about. From both of you.

“We need to talk before anything happens, right?” He read your mind. You smiled and nodded, feeling a little sad.

And right at that moment a familiar banging appeared again. You caught Hoseok’s eyes and you both burst out laughing. Trust Namjoon to ease the moment.

Hoseok pulled you upright, wrapping his arms around your waist now in a slight hug. You wrapped yours around his neck and he grinned. “We should go on a date tomorrow. We can talk then.” Your eyes widened. A date? Hoseok didn’t do dates. Not proper ones anyway.

“I want to to this properly.” Again with the mind reading, you smiled to yourself. “I’ll take you out for dinner and we can, I don’t know, talk about what this means.”

You grinned, Namjoon’s headboard still hitting the wall. “I’d really love that.”

You were giddy all day. Couldn’t concentrate in work. You were still replaying last night in your head. After the kiss you’d watched some television together, like you always did on Sunday nights. You sat close, but not entwined, too afraid Namjoon would pop out of his bedroom—hopefully fully clothed. You couldn’t explain why that fear hadn’t been there when Hoseok had your back against the counter, but whatever, you weren’t ready for the weirdness that would unfold, nor the conversations that would need to be had. You hadn’t even talked it out yourselves yet.

That was for tonight. Hoseok had text you just gone midday to tell you he’d gotten his shift for tonight covered and he’d booked dinner at a restaurant for 8pm. After that it had all felt too real. You were nervous, scared and excited all wrapped up into one. You were going on a date with Hoseok. Your friend Hoseok. The one who you’d bumped into this morning in the kitchen. The one who’d handed you a coffee with a shy good morning because he couldn’t say anything else with Namjoon rummaging around in the fridge next to you, totally oblivious.

And later on, once you were home, getting ready for the date was a whole new experience all together. You know, living with the guy in question and all. You bumped into one another in the bathroom, brushing your teeth together with awkward giggles. He met you outside of your bedroom once you were dressed, eyes wide, cheeks a little flushed at the sight of you. Maybe the fact you were dressed up for him now turned him speechless. “You look beautiful,” he’d managed to splutter finally.

He didn’t scrub up too badly himself. He was in a shirt for one. Loose at the neck, no tie, but a shirt nonetheless. And dress pants. Where exactly was he taking you? You didn’t have time to ask because you had to ninja your way out of the loft before you got caught.

Dinner started off awkwardly at first. Stumbling over words, small talk drying up, lots of nervous laughter, but gradually you both found your groove. How could you not? It was you and Hoseok! All the history and chemistry you had didn’t just disappear because of one date. You were soon giggling together when you noticed a man accidentally walk into the women’s restroom. Childish, yes, but who cared? That’s who you and he were.

By the main course you were both ready to open up, talk about you guys and what this meant.

“I’m sorry about yelling the other night,” he apologised, pushing some spinach around his plate absentmindedly.

You gave a little shrug. “It’s okay. I’m sorry too. I was mad at myself more than anything.”

“No,” he shook his head. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Do what?”

“Blame yourself.” He looked across at you. “You were mad because I kissed you when you had a boyfriend. I mean, it was a pretty dick-y thing to do and I feel really bad about it.”

You smiled, that meant a lot to you. It was a complicated situation. The suddenness of it all the sole problem.

You didn’t want to talk about Seokjin. You didn’t want to compare the two men, even though throughout the day your mind had tried to. In all honestly, both were very different, but both were good men. There was no winner, there was no loser. It just happened that you couldn’t ignore this chance with Hoseok. Not when he had been there first. Maybe looking at it now, you and Seokjin were different kinds of people. Maybe the relationship wasn’t as perfect as you’d thought. Not your perfect anyway. It could’ve worked out yes, but you knew he deserved someone better than you. Someone different to you.

You realised something at that moment. Seokjin had always found your quirkiness adorable, but Hoseok found it normal. You didn’t know what that meant, but it made sense in your own head. It made you happy. You were here, in front of one another, on a date. Nothing else mattered.

“If you hadn’t have done it we wouldn’t be here right now.” You told him. It was no good just thinking everything in your head. You needed to tell Hoseok some things. You wanted to tell him how happy you were. “On a dateee.”

He laughed, relaxing into his chair. “We’re on a date!”

He couldn’t quite believe it still. You laughed at how cute he was being and looked around. “You chose the fanciest place.”

“Yeah,” he murmured, looking a little sheepish. “Did I go over the top? Feel like I did.” He stopped and then laughed. “I hope your heels aren’t too high, we gotta run outta here when they fetch the bill.”

“Hobi,” you whined. He didn’t need to make a joke like that. Then you thought of something else. You hoped he didn’t take you here because he thought you expected it. Any restaurant would’ve done. “Hey,” you said softly. “I hope you don’t still believe all that stuff about you just being a bartender.” He shrugged a little sheepish. “I teach adults how to write fiction and I’m not too hot at it. Half of them are failing.”

He chuckled at that, picking up his glass of wine. “I think the problem probably lies with them not you.”

You looked at him, needing him not to laugh this off. You wanted him to see you didn’t care what job he had. “My point is, my job isn’t all that glamorous. It doesn’t have to be.” You thought he liked his job. It should never be used as something to separate you.

He sighed softly, giving in. “I’m sorry I laid all that stuff on you. They’re my insecurities not yours. It’s just after… Just after the breakup with Minah. The stuff she said to me really stuck.”

You reached for one of his hands, grasping is fingers. The warmth was all you needed. “I get that.” You still had some insecurities left over from your breakup with Seungwoo, but with Hoseok none of those things mattered. “I’m sorry for calling you childish, and selfish.”

“And mean. Don’t forget mean,” he joked.

“And mean.” You looked away sheepishly, before realising you needed to look him in the eyes for this. “I don’t want you to be insecure around me. I like you for you.”

He chuckled quietly, squeezing your hand. “Thank you.”

“I think it’s cool that you work at a bar.” You wanted to lighten the moment now, shrugging. “But maybe that’s because of the free drinks you give me.”

He laughed, both of you pulling your hand back to carry on eating. “I’m actually not allowed to do that, but you’re so pretty how could I not?”

You felt your cheeks flush at his casual remark. “You think I’m pretty?”

“Very much so. Plus other things…”

You smiled shyly. “I find you pretty too. Huh?” You noticed the face he pulled. “Is that not a good thing?”

“I’m not pretty,” he baffled.

“Are too.” You insisted. You’d always thought so, especially when he smiled. “I think you’re sexy too. Very sexy.”

“Oh yeah?” He seemed to like that one better. “What’s so sexy about me?”

You looked down at his wine. It wasn’t the right alcohol, but it made you remember something. “I like the way you drink beer. You gargle it a little.”

“I do?” He looked puzzled.

“Yeah, you do, and I don’t know, it’s kinda hot.” He looked chuffed at that. “What about me?” You added.

“Hm,” he thought out loud. “It’s not really sexy, maybe a little misogynistic,” he laughed, “but I like when you struggle to open things. Like that bag of chips last week. When you ask for my help, I don’t know, it makes me feel good about myself.”

It made him feel good when he opened a bag of chips for you? You awed loudly. “That’s so sweet, Hobi.”

He scoffed, a little embarrassed. “Oh.” He remembered something. “I like when guys mistake me for your boyfriend.”

You cocked an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? I like that too. And vice versa.” You had never been able to pinpoint why in the past. It was usually gone before you could even try to explain it, but it had still been there. Numerous times. You’d just been clueless.

“Isn’t this scary?” You asked. It was new and exciting, and you were happy, but it was also weird to be here. Sat opposite your friend, your roommate… the man you had feelings for. The man who up until a few nights ago, had a crush on another woman. No wonder he hadn’t really cared when Namjoon asked if he could bone Nara. And he, well he was sitting opposite you, who up until last night had a boyfriend. Talk about whiplash. This was crazy.

“It’s the scariest thing I’ve ever done,” he admitted.

“We’re like best friends, but is it because we’ve always had feelings for one another?”

Hoseok upturned his shoulders. “I honestly have no clue. It makes sense, but…”

“But at the same time it doesn’t?” You finished for him. He nodded. If he had never kissed you that night, then this wouldn’t be happening right now. Maybe it would’ve never happened. You would’ve kept missing one another. The moment never there for him and you probably oblivious until it was too late…

But that wasn’t the case now. You were both here. Suddenly and maybe not in the best of circumstances, but you were here. That’s all that mattered. Was there really such a thin like between friendship and lovers? You tried imagining kissing Namjoon but couldn’t do it. It made you feel weird. Not the same weird you’d felt locked in the closet with Hoseok.

“I don’t want to ruin what we have already but I can’t ignore these feelings I have for you.” Hoseok explained. “I’ve been repressing them for so long they’re uncontrollable.” He chuckled.

“Same. I think.” You were beginning to realise that love didn’t have to punch you in the face immediately for it to be the real thing. “If I ignore how I feel about you I’ll spontaneously combust. I know it. I will.” These feelings had hit you full force and now you couldn’t ignore them even if you tried.

He chuckled at your passion. “I don’t want you to spontaneously combust.” A thought popped into his head. “What will Yoongi say? Namjoon?” He groaned, rubbing his temples. “What do we even tell them?”

“Maybe we won’t tell them for a little while?” You suggested. You didn’t want to share this new, uncertain thing with other people just yet. The loft wasn’t the best set up in this situation. “Just until we work out what’s going on between us?”

“Like keeping it a secret?”

“I know it’s not ideal but I don’t want to mess this up.” He nodded, agreeing with you. “If we try and fail our friendship could get ruined. That terrifies me, Hobi.” You wanted to be honest here. All cards on the table. “I love you a lot. I don’t want to jeopardise anything.”

“Hey, hey, nothing will get ruined, I promise you,” he reassured, reaching for your hand with both of his. “We’ll take it as slow as you want. This is new and if we do it properly then everything will be okay in the end.” He gave you a gentle smile. “Whatever the outcome. If we decide to move forward or decide to just stay friends, we’ll be okay.”

Maybe that’s why you’d never realised your feelings for him. Why he’d never said anything. Your friendship meant too much to one another. If that was ruined somehow it would kill you both. But it didn’t have to be like that. If you both saw the potential danger, you could avoid it best you could. You shouldn’t be thinking of the potential end if it was only just the beginning.

“You’re right,” you smiled back.

Letting go of your hand he relaxed back into the chair again. “But for tonight, let’s think of this as a new thing. It’ll take the pressure off us.”

“How do you mean?” You asked, curious. He had a giant smirk on his face.

He shrugged. “Maybe we met on Tinder. Decided to go for a drink.”

Oh. Okay, you saw where he was going. A little bit of make believe. That sounded fun. You and Hoseok always messed around like this. Why would it change? “Yeah,” you nodded, getting into it instantly. “We liked what we saw. I liked the way you dress.”

He snorted. “You hate my dress sense. You told me I dress like a twenty year old hipster.”

“I like it!” You insisted. You mean, in your defence you��d only said that because he’d said you dressed like a granny. He’d started it.

“Thank you.” He was satisfied, you both could commence. “I liked your glasses. Reminded me of the librarian kink I had in high school.”

“Eww.” You wrinkled your nose. “Weirdo.” You both laughed loudly.

“Goodnight, pretty lady. I’ll see you in the morning,” Hoseok murmured. The night was over, the loft was empty, the guys probably already in bed, when you got back and you both walked down the hallway to your rooms, stopping outside to say goodnight.

“Lame,” you scoffed, but he could tell by your face you loved it. “Night.”

He leaned in for a kiss. It seemed like he was trying to keep it brief, nothing like last night or two nights before that, but no matter how hard he tried, it lingered. It was painful pulling apart and walking into your bedroom. You knew he was trying to be chivalry, and patient, and whatever else, but there was an itch inside you that screamed to be relieved.

You pressed the back of your head up against the door, closing your eyes and taking a few breaths. Praying the desire you felt would ebb away. You heard movement from the other side.

“Slow, we should take this slow.” Hoseok almost whined from outside.

You opened your eyes immediately and flung the door open. You were on him in an instant, kissing him eagerly. Thankful your rooms were the other side of the loft from Namjoon’s and Yoongi’s. There would he no explaining this, and you didn’t want to share this with anyone else yet. Not to be careful, not just in case, like you’d originally thought, but because you were selfish. You wanted Hoseok for yourself.

“I really want you. Like so bad,” you panted, hands all over his body. You wanted him out of his shirt. Out of his pants. Thoughts and images jumped into your mind. You were a woman possessed. “I’ve waited too long already. Please.”

“Don’t beg like that.” His voice was so low, maybe even a growl, and it did things to you.

You didn’t want to take this slow. Everything was already perfect. No matter what had happened to get here, it was all perfect now.

You couldn’t wait a moment longer. You needed to be with him.

“Pleaseee,” you said purposefully.

He growled this time. For real. “I said don’t–ah, fuck it!” You exclaimed out loud as he picked you up from the middle, legs dangling alongside his as he walked into your room. He let go and cupped your face tight. He was breathing heavily. “I really want this, I really like you. I’m sure of it. Now that this is finally happening. Now I finally had the guts to make a move. This is for real.”

You blinked. “Forreal for real?”

“Yeah,” he murmured. “Never been more certain of anything in my entire life.”

And then he was kissing you again. You never wanted it to stop. With shaky hands you took his and began to lead him backwards towards your bed…

*bonus*

“Morning,” Hoseok smiled from above you.

You’d only just woken up, eyes still blurry, but you rubbed them and rolled onto your back. “Good morning,” you smiled back.

He rubbed his hand over your waist under the covers, now grinning like he couldn’t stop it. “We did that.”

You were still naked. So was he. What a thought. “We really did that.”

“Twice.”

You hummed, reliving last nights antics. It was just so natural. The sex you mean. No awkwardness, no nerves. It was just…perfect. Giggling and messing around, just like you were as friends. Nothing had changed. Only now you were probably going to be bumping uglies on the regular… It was only right to make a new suggestion now. “Wanna make it a third?”

“Thought you’d never ask,” he laughed, dipping his head to kiss your neck. You let yourself sink, closing your eyes and enjoying the moment until you remembered something.

“Wait, wait—!” Your eyes flew open. “What’s the time?”

Hoseok stopped and looked back, craning his neck to catch the time on your alarm clock. “Twenty past 7.”

You groaned. “I have a class in 2 hours.”

“Uhh,” he started awkwardly, pecking your lips. “This is new n’ all but I don’t want to get your hopes up so early into this. I will never be able to last two hours. You’ll be fine. You won’t miss class,” he chuckled.

“Shut up,” you groaned, kissing him just to roll him on his back. The thought of leaving this bed today was depressing. “I’m just going to call in sick anyway.” You told him, pulling away.

He stroked his fingers through your hair, smirking. “Oh, a bad girl, huh?”

You narrowed your eyes. If he wanted you to be bad, you could be bad. “Get a condom, Jung.”

#hoseok fic #bts fic #hoseok fanfic #bts fanfic #floralseokjin:writings #fic:good2me

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theworldinclines · 3 years

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Title: someone here loves you Pairing: Mork and Pi, Mork and Mueang Nan Summary: Pre-series into episode 1 character speculation Ao3 link

Mork likes to think that he’s got a skill in reading people. His talents prove handy in pretty much any situation Mork could find himself in, and after years of relationships avoided that Mork could tell would’ve ended on an unfortunate note (romantic or otherwise), he fancies his skills sharper than most others’. Thanks to him, his younger sister had turned down the date of a boy in her class who’d later ended up trying to steal goods from a local shop; and he’d successfully coached one of his old high school friends on how to end a friendship that he wasn’t happy in. So yes, Mork’s fairly confident.

On the other side of that, whether it be metaphorical or literal, Mork doesn’t like to be under a spotlight. He prefers to be the guy on the sidelines cheering on his friend rather than having to be the poor sucker bombarded by obsessive fans. Mork, in his time as Mueang Nan’s closest friend, has come to see that this isn’t an exaggeration. Mork rarely uploads content on social media, Mueang Nan posts at least one update per day. Mork’s account is private and although he has a lot of followers, he hasn’t reciprocated in kind. Mueang Nan is public and his posts always receive at least 200 comments from strangers, while Mork will get 50 from people he’s spoken to in person.

He doesn’t fault Mueang Nan at all; he grew up in a remote northern village where he hadn’t had a mobile, barely a television, so for Mueang Nan to enjoy social media to the extent he does is totally fair. Even if he hadn’t grown up the way he did, Mork wouldn’t fault Mueang Nan for something as small as liking Instagram or Facebook.

It doesn’t matter, at the end of the day, because his well-honed talent has already told Mork that Mueang Nan is a genuinely good guy. Out of anyone, Ai’Nan actually deserves to be as well-liked as he is, and on Mork’s end he’s content to live on the blurred edges of relative obscurity than be made daily the center of a stampede. He’ll leave Mueang Nan to pseudo-celebrity life and remain virtually invisible by his side. That’s ideal, really.

But a boy nudges his glasses further up his nose, tugging red-bitten lips between his bracketed teeth in a bout of nerves, and within a moment, the fellow first-year knows that if no one else ever knew who Mork was here or anywhere, he’d want this boy to know.

It’s orientation, as cliché as that may be, where Mork first sees Pi. As a fellow first year, Mork hasn’t met Mueang Nan or really anyone that he’d feel inclined to befriend, and so catching sight of Pi in the crowd of anxious freshers lands a hit square into Mork’s chest. He can’t see his name-tag, blocked in as he is by other students, but to see him here in the sciences is proof enough that they’ll at least share one or two classes.

And Mork is so happy to be correct. The dentistry student’s name is Pattawee, commonly Pi, and he’s nothing like any crush Mork’s ever had before. He often spots Pi in conversation with another boy, occasions which generally end in elbows thrown into each other’s chests or Pi dragged down into a headlock. Pi’s raucous laughter imprints upon Mork’s thoughts to prompt unbidden smiles from him, and Mork can’t even find it in himself to be embarrassed. The boys are obviously nothing more than friends, so Mork wants to hold onto the hope that Pi is single. He keeps a consistent eye on him both in class and out, and never has he seen Pi spend time with anyone else on campus. Whether or not Mork will ever stop being a loser and talk to him before he is taken by someone else remains to be seen.

Well, they have spoken, per se, though not at any great length. Pi favours the back row in lectures, Mork always sits nearer to the front; and half the time, Pi packs his bag in record speed and is darting from the room before Mork has even closed his notebook. All this adds up to the unfortunate fact that opportunities for Mork to ‘coincidentally’ run into Pi are pretty much nill. The one time he’d managed to run into Pi had been unfortunately literal.

Mork had been glancing at his phone for the time and it was enough of a distraction that he’d stepped out into the hallway and directly onto Pi’s ankles. To Mork’s credit, Pi had paused in front of the door to adjust a stubborn zipper on his backpack and directly blocked Mork’s path (a miracle if Mork’s ever seen one). Rather than the usual meet-cute a romantic might expect, Pi had spun on Mork with an affronted air and hissed, “You can’t see me here?”

“You’re in the middle of the doorway!” Mork had pointed out, his mouth moving faster than his brain. Pi snorted and spun away with a glare as though Mork was the problem here, and there ended Mork’s first and thus far last conversation with his crush. That was four months ago in February.

By the week following Valentine’s Day, Mork begins to suspect that Pi is plotting his murder, as everywhere Mork goes, Pi appears as well. Only at the beginning of this month, Pi’s behaviour would’ve thrilled Mork. But now he recognises Pi’s comments on Mueang Nan’s Instagram, and he can see that Pi’s giddy attention slides right past Mork to Mueang Nan. If he deigns Mork with a look, it’s one of disdain and annoyance, at best. Mork doesn’t have to be a genius people-reader to know that his crush… is crushing on his closest friend.

Mueang Nan doesn’t know, of course. He assumes everyone is just incredibly friendly, so any special treatment he receives tends to go over his head. Pi’s also never spoken to Mueang Nan in real life, likely similar to Mork’s own inability due to general nerves. It’s sort of surprising to Mork, considering Pi doesn’t come across as someone afraid of anything or wont to give in to anyone’s demands. But for as much as he trails after Mueang Nan (and by extension, Mork), Pi hasn’t yet said a word, and neither has Mork about his true feelings.

Hands shoved in his pockets, Mork is just entering the building for a morning class when he hears murmuring from a nearby hallway. He pauses in his steps to look and —

“It doesn’t sound sincere,” Pi complains to himself. “Nan, I know you like choux cream desserts…” The dentistry student is stood there with a box in his hands and talking to the wall. Mork would say that’s the strangest thing he’s seen Pi do, but that’d be a lie.

Their last spoken interaction hadn’t been the greatest and, since then, Pi’s only ever shot daggers via sneer Mork’s way, his certainty that Mork wants to ‘steal’ Mueang Nan of no help on that end. Maybe choosing to sit back silently isn’t helping either. If Pi already dislikes him so vehemently, what’s a little teasing going to hurt?

“I know you like them,” he says near Pi’s ear, “so I stole some for you.”

Mork comes to find within moments that it can go very badly, actually. He ends up alone in the hallway, his handkerchief covered in clotted dessert cream, and asking why luck has screwed him once again. (Probably his attempt at a joke is what screwed him, but he’s going to ignore that for now.)

Pi is insistent that Mork is out to get him, so convinced as he is that Mork’s goal in life is to destroy Pi’s, but Mork knows he can’t let this go. Pi is already thoroughly blinded himself against Mork to the extent that there’s really no way Mork could tell him the truth and be taken with sincerity. Anything he says is seen as a dig, so how can Mork help if Pi doesn’t trust him? He isn’t about to out his best friend, but Mueang Nan isn’t interested in dating or anything of the sort. He’s always kind to Pi because that’s who he is, and he’s never one to decline a new friend, but… this won’t have the happy ending Pi has been hoping for.

If Pi continues down this road, Mork knows he’s only going to be hurt and disappointed until the day he’s honest with Mueang Nan and met with the truth of why. And if Pi’s going to be hurt, which Mork would never want, maybe he can put in some effort to… redirect his affection? It’s sort of self-serving, but Mork will say instead that he’s baking two pies with one oven: make Pi like him and thereby willingly move on from Mueang Nan, never having to be hurt at all.

He recalls Pi’s doe-eyed gaze behind his glasses that morning and thinks that maybe there’s a chance. Once he really knows Mork, maybe he’ll be swayed. Maybe.

Mork has to give thanks to Mueang Nan’s obsession with posting status updates because tonight’s brings about another miracle: Pi comes to the club. Mork knows he’s there for Mueang Nan, but if he intercepts him on the way in, who’s going to call him on that?

He hangs back for a moment as the bouncer gives Pi a quirked, disinterested eyebrow. He can’t blame him entirely when Pi’s wearing his shirt tucked in with worn-out sneakers, but as always, Mork finds Pi’s authentic personality charming. He throws an arm over Pi and revels in the feeling of his classmate brushing his waist, again when he pivots Pi away from an oncoming tray of drinks. And there again are Pi’s wide eyes on him, making Mork almost forget that they’re in a hallway that smells mostly of stale smoke and strangers.

He takes pictures of Mueang Nan and Pi to be helpful and show the latter that he is in support of, not against, Pi’s crush, because that’s the truth even if it isn’t the whole truth. He stands beside Pi at the table; one, because he wants to and two, as further proof that he isn’t the one here with a crush on Mueang Nan. Mork thinks that it’s going perfectly fine until Pi shoots him a look full to the brim with something too close to dejected for Mork’s liking before fleeing the scene.

He finds Pi in a pile of garbage beside the dumpster, and his heart jumps where it hides behind his ribs. How the hell had this happened in the two minutes Pi had been away from them? But when Mork tries to express his sincere sympathy, Pi just snaps, “You convinced Mueang Nan to take pictures with me because you want people to look down on me!” and Mork’s at a loss. That can’t be possible. Who in the world could look down on someone as unapologetically obstinate as Pi?

“People look down on you? Who?” Mork asks, sure that if he had names he’d clear up this misunderstanding. If ‘clearing up’ entails his beating them into the concrete and/or possibly suing for slander, that’s his prerogative.

But Pi just shoves him off and leaves in a cloud of anger, on his face the very hurt that Mork had planned to avoid. Instagram proves Pi’s point to a devastating degree. Pi is seen as pathetic, like he said. Pi. Loud, courageous Pi… who acts out to avoid being confronted as the timid loser everyone sees him as.

Later that night, his washed handkerchief hanging between his fingers, it occurs to Mork that he might not be as good at reading people as he thought.

“I’m sorry, Pi.”

#my writing #futs #fish upon the sky #morkpi #thai bl #fanfics #ao3 #archive of our own #fanfictions #mlm #someone here loves you #bl series #links

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transhawks · 4 years

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WHERE??? Where is the jinkei content? Is it tagged as jinho on Japanese Twitter? I miss them. I understand why people stopped shipping them after everything, but they had great chemistry. I miss that two week period when everyone was all on board with jinkei. While I wish the story had gone in a different direction with Hawks, I also think his betrayal was good in that it’s the clearest the story has been on the hypocrisy and systematic flaws of the hero system.

The tag is “ 仁ホ” on twitter! I just recommend searching those kanji and you’ll see plenty of art and things. I get the lack of people shipping too! Like Hawks’s actions are awful; and you add the power imbalance (Hawks is a cop, Jin is a criminal) and it can leave a bad taste in someone’s mouth. But they did have amazing chemistry. I think Jin was somehow the closest to an actual friend Hawks has ever had. Tokoyami is his student and that relationship is very much shaped by the fact Hawks is his ‘shishou’. Endeavor has a similar problem, even if they are ‘contemporaries’ in terms of Hero rank, the age and experience gap (important within Japan) and Hawks’s childhood worship of him. Jin, however, is an adult not too far from his age (eight years), and they come from very similar backgrounds (i.e. until the commission picked him up Hawks was raised in poverty and whatever the thief takami stuff turns out to be) and Jin’s status as a poor orphan made him unable to deal with the repercussions of a bike accident, losing his job and probably all hope of a legal job as a teenager. I just think there’s a lot between them to bond over.

And as much as I get why Horikoshi needed to show how awful and cruel the idea of utilitarian justice that Hawks and the HPSC represent is, there’s always the knowledge that it could have gone so differently. The fact that 258 was called ‘Nakama’ (friends) and the cover of the volume was ‘One’s Justice’ just shows how emotionally fraught the whole confrontation was. How it was very much sentimentality and friendship vs an abstract idea of justice. But when I ship Jinkei, it’s with the knowledge that it could have been different. It could have. Hawks manipulated and lied to Jin and put his friends and organization in mortal peril, and asked him to choose between his life and his friends, fundamentally misunderstanding Jin, but we can’t erase that Hawks genuinely liked him to a great degree, using ‘suki deshita shi’ which happens to be the most direct and strongest way to state platonic like (and also a way people state romantic like too).

If anything, that does make horrifying. That Hawks chose the most honest and direct way of saying he really likes Jin as a person and still killed him.

But Jinkei is a pairing for people who wish others had done better. I know there’s a lot of issues with shipping something like that, but the core of it is hoping that the person who hurts others redeems themselves, not through someone’s love, but for it. Hawks and Jin had wonderful chemistry and for a few chapters, we all believed it would be enough to stop what now seems inevitable.

And Jinkei is just us holding on to that belief, as long as we can.

#jinkei #bnha twice #hawks #asks #twicehawks

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hope-i-dont-choke · 4 years

Text

I WATCHED ALEXA AND KATIE AND I HAVE FEELINGS

First thing I want to talk about is how well they wrote the relationships that both the girls were in

they each had two boyfriends throughout the show

Alexas first boyfriend was Dylan, her brothers best friend,he was sweet and dorky and they had cute moments, but ultimately it didn't work out because he couldn't handle Alexa prioritizing Katie over him, and they broke up and stayed friends

Katies first boyfriend was Ryan, her fellow actor, they were great on stage partners and their friendship was sweet, but whenever they tried to flirt it got awkward and they weren’t really good at communication, and eventually as a couple they both decided there just wasn't any spark and they were better as friends

Now I want to talk about the drastic difference between those two first boys and the two they end up with

When Alexa meets Spencer she is so afraid to have cancer brought back into her life by loving someone with it that she tries to push him away, but ultimately he helps her see how loving someone whos sick is a lot like being sick yourself giving her a new appreciation for her family and allowing herself to open up emotionally and be with him

the thing I love the most about Spencer is his relationship with Katie. The moment they meet, how excited he is to finally meet the best friend of the girl he likes, his reaction mirroring hers, proving their Similarities, Spencer and Katie are both level headed and loyal and supportive, qualities that Alexa needs in the people closest to her since she's kind of a hot head. but most importantly whenever Alexa needs to be 100% in the Katie zone, Spencer is not only on her team, he genuinely seems to find it endearing, proving he's the guys for her (that's not even mentioning how much her family likes him)

( I imagine since chemo can cause infertility and Alexa and Spencer have both been through it, Spencer is really excited about adopting and they do it quite a few times. Including when they’re volunteering at the children’s cancer hospital and they meet a child who happens to be an orphan, they exchange a look and decide immediately. )

Now let's talk about Aidan.

When he showed up at first I was worried he was gonna be another 'asshole who's just charming enough to convince the girl he's worth it and wins her even tho he's an asshole' trope

but boy was I wrong

Aidan is perfect and I would fight for him

He and Katie take a bit to get their feet Off the ground. She is very responsible and very used to taking care of other people, while he seems silly and cheeky and not very serious; but really he is the perfect person to take care of her for a change.

When he takes a cookie, he brings back a can. When she's beating down the windmill, he's encouraging her to get it out. And when she had her panic attack, and he helped her so calmly and caring and revealed he helps his dad with his panic attacks too, that was the moment I knew he was right for her.

He heard her and Alexa talking about how she needed a new laptop, he immediately decided to win it for her. She needed something, he got it. He realised very late after the fact that she wanted him to go to her prom and even though it already started, he put on a tux and showed up, admitting he can be dense but owning that he likes her.

but my favourite part about these two is that once they’re off the ground, he knows she's going to New York in the fall, he encourages her to follow her dreams and Accepts that they can't put to much into it and should enjoy the time they have together. When she leaves he tell her she can still call him when she's stressed, and that she even encouraged him to take a chance on himself at art school. They never pressured each other, they just absolutely brought out the best in each other.

and maybe they'll talk every now and again, and then when she's home if they're both single at the time, they'll be together until she leaves again. and maybe he will move to New York at some point after art school, or during, and maybe he’ll be front row at all her big plays whether or not they're a couple at the time. and maybe it'll take 5-10 years or maybe they won't get there until they're in their fourties and have children from other people, but one day when the timing is right they will get back together and stay together forever

Anyways Spelexa and Kaidan FOREVEER

NOW IF IM GONNA TALK ABOUT THE GIRLS AND THEIR FRIENDSHIP IM GONNA NEED ANOTHER POST

#Alexa and katie #alexa & katie #netflix #spencer x alexa #katie x aidan #kaidan #spelexa

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sonnetos · 3 years

Text

RELATIONSHIP INTEREST TRACKER

i have finally jumped on this bandwagon from the last couple of days. bear in mind these will for the most part be a list of non romantic relationships as i don’t really feel comfortable shipping venti with people. it’s mentioned in my rules but i’ll only ship venti with immortals who also appear young / use the teen model. at the moment i’m singleship but am tentatively open to more ships so long as they follow these terms.

KEY

💕 = romantic

🧡 = platonic

💙 = familial

💚 = mentor / student

🖤 = enemies / frenemies / rivalry

thank you mars / royalstorm for the helpful little guide! without further ado here’s my thoughts.

MONDSTADT

albedo / 🖤🧡: i actually really love the idea of albedo & venti being sort of frenemies for a while. venti has already expressed a great deal of mistrust when it comes to albedo whereas they seem to be fairly friendly with everyone else. i don’t foresee this staying that way & can easily see them becoming unlikely friends eventually but certainly in the beginning i can see them butting heads.

diluc / 🧡💙: i tend to see these two as sort of buddy film comedy duo for obvious reasons. but on a more serious note i think given it’s heavily implied venti fought in the rebellion with diluc’s ancestor, i think there’s a good chance venti also kinda views diluc like a concerned parent would. especially if venti knows of diluc’s history & what became of crepus.

jean / 🧡💙💚: in mondstadt i tend to view jean as one of venti’s closest friends & trusted allies. a great deal of this is due to how much jean resembles vennessa in spirit & personality. with that in mind i tend to feel jean is one of the few people venti will actually listen to when it comes to advice & one of the only people who is capable of guiding him to a place where he’s taking better care of himself. there’s very few people alive today he trusts more then jean.

kaeya / 🧡: drinking buddies! unfortunately kaeya is an outsider & didn’t participate in the save dvalin mission. therefore venti’s a lot more closed off to him in particular. not as far to albedo’s extent where he doesn’t trust him but he is less inclined to expose himself when in kaeya’s presence than he would if he were with jean or diluc. i do think they’d get along well though! maybe even work together to tease diluc.

lisa, amber & the other knights / 🧡: same deal as kaeya but likely even less close. i think they’d be relatively friendly though. in terms of lisa & amber i think venti also trusts them a good amount compared to most of the others in mondstadt.

barbara / 🧡💙💚: on a similar level as jean, venti respects & trusts barbara a lot. i don’t think they’d be as close as first but i think they’d be really sweet friends. i’d love to see them bond over music & maybe even learn some things from each other.

fischl, diona, razor & bennett / 🧡💙: i’m losing steam so i’ll be brief. c’mere kids grandpa would like to tell you some stories.

klee / 🧡💙: “hey wanna help me blow up dawn winery?” “boy do i?!”

mona / 🧡: what if we sat on a bench in mondstadt...and we were both broke & hungry

rosaria / 🖤🧡: i can see their relationship being on similar levels of mistrusting but somewhat friendly frenemies. though i think most of the mistrust would be on rosaria’s end because i don’t think venti would have much issues with her.

LIYUE

zhongli / 🧡: hag best friends!!! as much as venti likes to tease him, i would say zhongli is one of venti’s closest friends & trusted allies. but they’re the sort of friends who disagree on everything & bicker all the time. an unlikely best friends kinda deal

xiao / 💕🧡💚: it is not a secret that this ship has be down bad. but! as i’m ship exclusive for it already ( hi sam ) i’ll just go over non romantic stuff. i think they have potential to be pretty close friends! i would like to explore the possibility of venti being kind of a mentor to xiao in terms of anemo spirit & what not.

ganyu / 💕🧡: outing myself as a crackshipper once more but outside of xiao, ganyu’s the only canon character i would be open to shipping with. i think their dynamic would be really fun & fresh. think howl’s moving castle kinda deal lol. i’m not super invested in them as of right now as i haven’t written with any ganyus so i mostly see this dynamic as platonic but i would not be opposed to seeing it as romantic either.

hu tao / 🧡: bane of zhongli’s existence buddies! but for real i really like the potential of this friendship. i think it would be a lot of fun.

beidou / 🧡: drinking buddies electric boogaloo

xinyan / 🧡💚: i think venti would really like xinyan actually! he’d find her refreshing & her music like a breath of fresh air. i think they’d be a similar sort of deal to how venti & barbara are only more punk rock lol.

chongyun, xingqiu & xiangling / 🧡💙: come hang out with grandpa part 2

qiqi / 🧡💙: "i’ve had qiqi for a day & a half but if anything happened to her i’d destroy liyue harbor”

ningguang, keqing & the qixing / 🧡: genuinely haven’t thought about their dynamics much. i think they’d probably get along well though! though perhaps in a similar vein to how venti is with diluc or zhongli where they can’t stand venti half the time ( & i can’t blame them )

baizhu / 🖤🧡: another frenemies situation possibly! i feel like unlike zhongli venti would possibly be wary of baizhu & the way he goes about business. he definitely thinks baizhu is a scammer though. again i don’t think it’d be as much mistrust as albedo but venti’s got his eye on you, doctor.

MISCELLANEOUS

fatui members / 🖤: yeah if you’re fatui or aligned with the tsaritsa in any way venti inherently mistrusts you. which is primarily due to the encounter with signora. signora in particular venti dislikes & wants to steer clear of. but if you’re fatui in general it’ll be a tough job trying to gain his trust or friendship.

traveler & paimon / 🧡💙💚: a similar deal venti has with jean. venti trusts traveler a lot & considers them a close friend & trusted ally. this somewhat extends to paimon but i feel venti is suspicious of them as well. not to mention venti would be more likely to tease paimon as well.

other archons, ocs & crossovers / 💕🧡 💙 💚🖤: this is a circumstantial case obviously but everything is on the table! feel free to come hit me up if you want some of this bard in any shape or form.

#ship guide.#long post #sorry i got tired very fast so a lot of these don't have in depth little things #anyway drops this and runs

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mocha-sim · 4 years

Text

i feel like writing out more headcanons so here goes

(long post warning)

Megami

She’s struggling to find something she’s not naturally good at just to feel the sense of learning and improving

She enjoys the respect and admiration of other students but wishes they wouldn’t fear her so much

Aoi has been her best friend since they were little and is very protective of her

Initially she isn’t attracted to Taro and just wants to protect him from Ayano, but starts to fall for him both over shared interests and over the fact that he’s one of the only people to see her as a person instead of some higher being

That one friend who’s always ready for the camera, even when she’s not

She has an interest in engineering and likes to study it in what little free time she gets

After she becomes CEO she makes an attempt to repair her relationship with her brother by offering him a position in the company. He refuses, runs off with his share of the inheritance money and then sends multiple assassins after her

Taro

He reads all kinds of books but his favourite genre is psychological horror

He also likes cheesy romance novels. Hanako and Taeko like to tease him about it

Taeko is his twin sister who didn’t make it into Akademi and attends a different school. He and Hanako are much closer and though she’s never spoken up about it, she always feels left out

He has suspicions that someone is stalking him but doesn’t have any evidence and doesn’t want to sound crazy/paranoid

By the time week 10 rolls around he’s 100% sure that he’s being stalked and sits awake in his bed at night, watching the window, chugging caffeine to stay awake with a baseball bat by his side

If the weather is bad he’ll go and read in the library. He’s good friends with Kuu

Budo is like a brother to him and is usually the first person he talks to about his problems. (Hanako is very important to him but she always overreacts)

Shiromi

Her family is the most important thing to her and insulting them is one of the few things that can genuinely piss her off

She had an occult phase and got super into doing tarot cards/palm readings. She’s still interested in it but not enough to consider joining the occult club

Being Kaga’s half-sister means that she spends a lot of time around the science club members. She hangs out with Homu and Meka on weekends

The three of them grow the closest in their third year after the other science club and student council members have graduated

Her whole mentality is “life’s too short”, which is why she acts the way she does and is always looking for something new or interesting. She got it from her parents

She loves candy and is always on the hunt for a type she hasn’t tried before

She’s good with kids, partially because she babysits for families in her area a lot

Very very social and extroverted, but she has a hard time reading social cues sometimes and her lack of expression is off-putting to a lot of people

One of the shortest students in school, but she doesn’t let it get to her

Aoi

She places a lot of her self-worth on her physical ability, which is why someone beating her in a fight would leave scars not only physically but emotionally as well

She sees people who are aggressive or willing to do amoral things as a necessity to stopping troublemakers and criminals

She’s into heavy metal

Last year she spent pretty much all her time around Megami or by herself. She almost joined the sports club but couldn’t stand any of the other club members

She has trouble making friends and feels sort of lost and alone after Megami goes away for nine weeks

Shiromi is the only council member who made an effort to talk to her and one of the few students who was never afraid of her

One day Budo just came up and started talking to her. Now they’re friends. When anyone asks how they became friends Aoi replies with “he just kinda never went away”

Secretly afraid of heights but would never admit it

She can’t flirt at all but Megami is always trying to act as her wingman when she shows interest in a girl

Akane

She squints because she can’t stand the cheap fluorescent lights and who can blame her

Still has stuffed animals and isn’t ashamed of it

i’m just going to say it: i hate the idea of her secretly being an “eeevil” edgelord character but i do want her to have more depth than just “the cute nice one”

She’s a genuinely good person who struggles with bad/violent thoughts but pushes back against them. She sometimes worries that these thoughts make her irredeemably evil and feels guilty for them

Kuroko and Shiromi are both protective of her and she thinks it’s the sweetest. Kuroko has noodle arms and Shiromi weighs maybe 90 pounds soaking wet, but it’s the thought that counts

She’s afraid of Aoi and tries to avoid her

She likes to make jewelry and made friendship bracelets for the other council members. Shiromi wears hers openly and proudly, and Kuroko wears hers under her sleeve

She won’t outright say that she has a favourite among her admirers, but it’s Daku simply because he doesn’t get into fights over her like the others

Kuroko

She’s extremely focused on living up to her rich and successful parents

Her family puts a lot of pressure on her to be constantly working or studying, which left her with little to no social life before Akane and Shiromi came into the picture

She thinks that the only reason Aoi made it onto the council is because of her close relationship with Megami

Akane got her into a band she likes and now Kuroko listens to their music when studying

She likes reptiles and has a pet snake

Her sleep schedule is fucked beyond repair

She has trouble outwardly expressing emotions because of her upbringing and sees it as a sign of weakness

After finding out that Shiromi’s parents give her so much independence, she took it upon herself to watch over Shiromi and keep her out of trouble. She sees Shiromi’s parents as failures who can’t care for their child properly

Akane is the only other member of the council she really respects as a fellow adult. She’s also the only one Kuroko will confide in

Info

Her real name is Ayame Yoshida

Outwardly she thinks of her father (the journalist) as a loser who can’t support his daughter or himself, and doesn’t deserve a thing from her

Inwardly she still loves him and leaves him a share of her money for food and to pay the bills, but since she feels she can’t rely on him she’s built up walls and doesn’t really communicate with him

She used to be friends/partners in crime with Shiromi in middle school, until Info “disappeared” sometime during her last year

When she found out Shiromi was attending Akademi she offered money if she would lend her skills to Info’s work, but Shiromi refused

She has some anger issues

Also sort of a god complex

She secretly likes to play video games on the computers when she’s not doing her work

Outside of mission mode she still operates an assassination business which extends far outside of Akademi and even outside of Buraza. Ayano just isn’t one of her assassins

Kaga

He does want to take over Saikou Corp, but he also has genuine feelings for Megami and wants to impress her

He just doesn’t understand exactly how to go about pursuing her and messes it up a lot

Yaku and Horo are good friends of his, Homu is ok with him, and Meka straight-up hates him

His mother re-married after divorcing his father and had a daughter with her new husband. He sometimes feels like he’s not really part of the family and that his parents love his half-sister more

He used to have pet rats. Now he has pet mutant rats that his parents made him promise to never ever show to the public

Sometimes he takes apart others’ stuff without asking them first. He once dismantled Akane’s bike while she was over for a sleepover with Shiromi. Akane cried and Kuroko yelled at him

He hates cats because of a past experiment involving a cat gone wrong. It looked something like the Cats movie

Yaku and Horo respect his dedication to science but really want to get him outside more

The Aishi Twins

Ayano joined the student council and Yanagi (Yan-kun) joined the art club

The two of them haven’t exactly gotten along since they were kids, but they tolerate each other

Ayano can’t stand Megami or Aoi and treats both of them with a sort of cold faux-politeness. Megami does the same to her. Aoi will snap at her any chance she gets

Yanagi, being the second child born, doesn’t suffer from the Aishi curse but being brought up in a house with Ayano and Ryoba still fucks him up. He doesn’t really see any value in the lives or well-being of others

Ayano kills, kidnaps, and tortures to meet her goals. Yanagi does it for the thrill

While Ayano is interested in Taro, Yanagi doesn’t have a specific person as his goal and does whatever he feels like at the time

Neither one of them ever meets Taeko face-to-face, but if they did Ayano would take an interest in her as well since she’s Taro’s twin

Outside of using the art club as a front for his “hobbies”, Yanagi is genuinely a pretty good painter. He has a similar vision to Borupen and is the only one he really gets along with

#yandere simulator #yansim #megami saikou #taro yamada #shiromi torayoshi #aoi ryugoku #akane toriyasu #kuroko kamenaga #info chan #info-chan #kaga kusha #ayano aishi #yandere kun #yanagi aishi

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