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mostlysignssomeportents · 3 years

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Owning a sports-team is a plute's get-out-of-tax-free card

When Microsoft CEO (and Linux archnemesis) Steve Ballmer retired and bought the LA Clippers, it was easy to assume that the billionaire was engaged in a jolly, buying a major league sports team as a folly.

But far from it: Ballmer made his bones (and his billions) by cheating — lying about free software; secretly funding absurd, crippling, pretextual lawsuits over GNU/Linux; and leading a vast, corrupt monopoly — and his foray into sports ownership was no different.

As Robert Faturechi, Justin Elliott and Ellis Simani document in yet another blockbuster Propublica Secret IRS Files story, buying the LA Clippers allowed Ballmer to evade $140m in taxes from the sale of Microsoft stock.

https://www.propublica.org/article/the-billionaire-playbook-how-sports-owners-use-their-teams-to-avoid-millions-in-taxes

Sports teams, it turns out, are not merely billionaires’ playthings — they’re also a way to launder the earnings of the ultra-rich to reduce their tax liabilities far below the liabilities owed by the minimum wage workers serving pretzels or the millionaire players.

Ballmer’s tax dodge involved ginning up $700m in paper losses for the team by amortizing its assets, including assets that don’t depreciate. It’s part of an old dodge in sports-team ownership, perfected by Cleveland Indians/Chicago White Sox owner Bill Veeck in the 1940s.

Veeck didn’t think that wealthy sports team owners should pay any tax (“Look, we play the Star Spangled Banner before every game. You want us to pay income taxes too?”) and conceived of a “gimmick” (his word) to make this a reality.

In addition to taking a deduction for his players’ salaries, he insisted that he could depreciate the value of his players’ salaries, by acquiring the team and its contracts in two separate transactions. It worked.

As former MLB president Paul Beeston wrote, “Under generally accepted accounting principles, I could turn a $4 million profit into a $2 million loss and I could get every national accounting firm to agree with me.”

Congress and the IRS eventually caught up with this shuck, but in 2004, one-time sports-team owner GW Bush signed a law reinstating the rule, allowing team-owners to amortize everything from TV and radio contracts to “goodwill.”

This is how Ballmer was able to pay 12% tax on $656m in income, while athletes pay 30–40% on far more modest sums. Ballmer’s not the only one who got in on this scam — there’s a whole all-star team of ultra-rich owners who cash in on it.

This may explain why national sports franchises have increased in value by 500% over the past 20 years — they’re not just a way to earn income, they’re also a way for the ultra-rich to evade taxes.

Propublica’s reporting didn’t stop at Ballmer. They also talk about owners like Leonard Wilf (Minnesota Vikings) and Shahid Khan (Jacksonville Jaguars).

Khan issued a statement in his defense: “In the case of tax laws, the IRS applies and enforces the regulations, which are absolute. We simply and fully comply with those very IRS regulations.”

This is the same excuse that has been offered since the first Secret IRS Files publication in June: Rich tax evaders don’t make the rules, they just follow them. If you don’t like the rules, ask Congress for better ones.

https://pluralistic.net/2021/06/08/leona-helmsley-was-a-pioneer/#eat-the-rich

This excuse’s flimsiness is obvious: if there are weak tax rules for the super-rich, that’s not merely because the IRS forgot to close a loophole or Congress didn’t pass a law — the super-rich suborn regulators and lawmakers to create rules that operate to their advantage.

But there’s a subtler, technical reason this is bullshit. Writing for The American Prospect’s Revolving Door project, Sion Bell explains the “Economic Substance Doctrine.”

https://prospect.org/economy/one-weird-trick-force-billionaires-pay-taxes-economic-substance-doctrine/

This is a part of the tax code that excludes transactions “that lacks a concrete purpose beyond reduction of tax liability.” The language in the tax code is very broad, and does not define key terms like “transaction,” “trade or business,” or “economic position.”

On the one hand, this gives the IRS broad latitude to go after pretextual transactions that create risible fictions like the ones deployed by the team owners. On the other hand, the fuzziness of the standard allows deep-pocketed cheats to tie up the IRS in court for years.

The IRS’s budget was gutted in 2010 (in response to the lie that right-wing groups were being charitable status), and has been lagging ever since, with especially deep cuts to its enforcement budget.

The point of the Economic Substance Doctrine is the backstop the rest of the tax-code. Anything as complex as the code will have loopholes, even without rich people doing everything they can to make sure they’re there.

It functions as a “giggle test” that checks tax avoidance strategies that claim (as Peter Thiel did) that stashing $5b tax-free in an IRA is consistent with a retirement vehicle that allows middle-class people to save small sums for their dotage.

Even absent enforcement, the Economic Substance Doctrine is a rebuttal to the argument that ultra-rich tax cheats are just “obeying the law.” The law — the US tax code — bans the clever fictions they use to pay lower tax rates than the rest of us.

Sports team owners’ double-dipping amortization scams are not consistent with the tax code — it’s just that the part of the law they’re breaking is expensive to enforce, and there’s no budget to do so.

Image: Eric Garcetti (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Steve_Ballmer_2014.jpg

CC BY: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en

#pluralistic

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marvel-m-lee · 3 years

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Fire, Note books and a- kid? •Part 1 of M-Verse•

Warning! This series will include gruesome descriptions of blood, bodies etc. These may be rare but they will be graphic. (This one doesn't have much tickling but it has a⁸ little haha)

This Series is also a tickls series, so if you dont like it, sorry oof.

Fandom: Marvel

"CRAP" Sam yelled as he flew right under a collapsing tie beam. "Language!" The cap yelled through the intercom, they were on a mission. There had been an explosion in an old warehouse building, no one knows how it happened but once they got there the place was covered with fire and dead bodies.

They were now in the building, fighting what they believed to be ex hydra workers that went into hiding for more experiments.

Cap fought from the ground whilst Sam was trying to get some shots from above while reading looked for any potential prisoners.

"Ain't seeing nothing from RedWibg Cap, the place is about to blow, we've gotta get out" Steve had just taken out about 17- now 18 Hydra agents, throwing them in the burning flames or beating them in combat.

"Alright, have one more look around the perimeter. Nat get the Jet prepared for exit incase the place actually does blow" He yelled, fighting off the last two Hydra agents in his area, throwing one onto another knocking them into a large fire screaming.

"K, sam make sure there arent any survivors" Nat ran back to the jet and started it up, the lights turning on as it slowly began to hover over the ground.

"Will do Widow" Sam flew up above the collapsing building to get another view of the area.

"Black Widow or Natasha" A sassy voice explained down the intercom.

"Okay Spider Lady" A grunt was heard that made both Cap and Sam laugh. Sam was looking through Redwing and his own eyes and couldn't seem to spot anything. "It all seems clear" Just as he were about to fly back down though he noticed something.

A young girl, her hair stuck together with some blood, mixed with dirt and wood. Her skin covered with brown mud and small cuts, she wore a white ripped hospital gown, too no longer white- or had seemed to be in years?...

"Holy shit-"

"Language!"

"There's a kid- west bound, see if you can get her. Covered in dirt and seemingly blood, right near where the fire seemed to have started from the burnt wood scraps and dying fires around her"

"A kid? West bound? Nat how long we got left?" Steve asked, running through the flames, dodging their burns and running as fast as he could.

"Before the place explodes? From my view about 150 seconds, just over two minutes. But you're gonna need to be fast so we can all get out." Nat watched over the intercoms and the computers showing where Steve was.

"Take a left"

"What?"

"Take a left! I'm giving you the fastest route to the west bound. Keep running until you find large doors, go through them and the last one at the end should lead to the girl"

Steve stopped asking the questions and complied. It wasnt his first time saving a kid, but the closer he got, the more he saw about the place. Cages, torture chambers, training halls.

This place wasnt a good one, especially for a kid... He thought.

He found the large doors, chained shut. Before he reached them he threw his shield, breaking the locks almost instantly. He ran through, but stopped in his tracks. The room was full of blood, the sticky walls glossed over, there were bones, some shattered, some scattered. Not hundreds, probably enough for the bodies of a good couple of people though... it was gruesome. Some of the worst things he had seen in a while, probably since... well. The blip?..

How was a kid kept here? How did we not know sooner?...

The thoughts span round the super solider head, taking up more time than he would have cared for.

"Steve? What's happened why'd you stop? We've got a minute!" Nat asked, she was getting impatient, the adrenaline was rising and so were the flames, everyone felt on edge here, as soon as they stepped down something felt very wrong.

"Shit, yeah. Alright, I'm going!" Steve ran and soon found the young girl, she didn't seem too strictly harmed for being so close to the flames. And for surviving in this, this prison.

"Got her, how long have I got left?"

"45 seconds"

Steve now had the young girl over his shoulder, he was trying to run even faster than he had before. This place. Something else had been happening here.

As the 100 year old ran though, he seemed to notice the fire die down wherever he ran to, creating a simple path for him to run in. He spotted the jet, Sam was standing in the open doorway, waiting to see if cap would make it. Silently cheering him on.

"10 seconds Cap"

"Start taking off now, we'll make it."

"FUCK NO! HURRY UP MAN" Sam yelled, this time to Captain America ratger rgan through the intercoms.

Time felt like it was going in slow motion, Steve got close enough just to jump and as soon as he did the whole place behind blew up. It all went so quickly after that, Sam grabbed his hand, holding on with all his might as Steve held the young girl. Nat, quicker than ever, sped off into the sky, miles from the ground to make sure the explosion wouldn't hit them as harshly as it should have.

Steve lay on the floor, with the young girl cradled in his arms behind the shield so she wouldn't get burnt. He was staring at her, even though she was covered in- well not so flattering things, she was beautiful. Something within began stirring. Something warm, familiar...

"Holy shit my dude. We almost died!" Sam droned, going to sit down on the chairs they had.

"We usually almost die, its part of our job" Nat explained, walking in and rolling her eyes. "Nahhh, Nat even you know that place was off" Sam looked over to the spy who sighed and walked over to Steve to help him up.

"How's the kid?"

Steve stood up and pulled away the shield to show off a little girl with y/c/h hair, covered in mud and pieces of blood, tucked up into his chest, breathing gently. "Wow" Sam sighed from the back.

"She's not in as much bad of a state as I would have imagined?" Nat said, watching over the little girl. "She wasnt too close to the big fire, must have been thrown into the mud and spotty snow from the explosion." Sam suggested.

Steve just held onto the small angel in his arms. He felt as though it were only he and she in the world, that time was no longer relevant. He memorized every piece of her face, even the pieces with dirt, cuts and bruises.

Suddenly Nat snapped him out of it, "Alright, I'm going to go get Bruce over. See if she's alright. For now just but her on a bed." Steve nodded as the Spider left to go call Dr. Banner.

"We haven't got beds though?- oh fuck you man" Steve laughed at Sam, he had just pulled out a bed from the sides of the ship. "You didnt know?" He teased. He and Nat had let sam sleep on the chairs or ground for the past few years. It seemed to be a secret agreement not to tell him amongst the avengers.

"Nah man, that's cold" Steve placed the little girl down and pulled up the walls of the bed to make sure she wouldn't fall out. Watching her little breaths as Sam's words started to fade away.

"Oi you even listening to me?" Sam asked unamused sitting up and looking at the fallen solider. "She's gonna be alright Steve" Steve sighed, deep down he knew she'd be fine. But he felt something strange. Fear. Like he had just found an old journal or someone he hadn't seen for a very long time.

He sighed and stood up, walking over to the bird man who was now sitting up watching the soldiers actions. They both heard Natasha in the background talking with Bruce.

"She's gonna be alright Steve"

"I hope so..."

It was a while till they had all landed at the compound. Rogers and Wilson played some card games- dont question it, Roger's made Tony buy him loads for each mission. He enjoyed the games. He also won most of them.

Steve picked the young girl up and brought her to Bruce as the doors opened up, they lauded her down on a hospital bed and hurried off. Bruce stayed back checking in on everyone. "The mission?"

"A success as always"

Steve seemed quiet, Sam answering fir him rather than fir himself. He watched the girl be scurried along into the building.

"Did you clean all her wounds?"

"Mhm"

Steve looked down and nodded before they all began walking. He didnt mean to seem any less- well captain america-y, but he definitely had something on his mind. Bruce began to follow quickly to ask what's up.

"Hmm? Oh.. nothing. Just worried for the child" Steve tried to brush the feeling off but couldn't his gut had other plans. They wanted to see the girl, see if she was okay.

"She's gonna be alright, she only needs a few tests done- safe ones of course, blood pressure, cut cleansing etc" Bruce smiled at the much taller man. Oh god he was short. Steve smiled back to the Dr with 7 PHD's.

"Thanks Banner, I'm gonna go see Stark"

"Okay, stay safe, I'll tell you when she's improved"

Steve nodded and walked into the building, turning an opposite way to Banner and going to go see Stark. Steve was secretly very grateful Bruce would tell him about the child once she was improving. He felt a connection.

"Stark?" The 100 year old asked, knocking on the doors to the Lab.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y, Open the Doors for Roger's Pleade and Thank you" The billionaire didnt move from his seat, he had been working on some new tech as usual.

"Thanks F.R.I.D.A.Y" Steve walked in, still in his spandex from the mission covered in blood and dirt with little scuff marks all over from the fire flames.

"Its an 8 Code Pin Rogers"

"I know I know, I just can't seem to remember it"

Tony rolled his eyes and looked up leaning on his chair with one arm resting over the top.

"What's up?"

Steve furrowed his brows. "Hmm?"

"You, you seem... less Super, more Man"

Steve rolled his eyes, "I'm not Super Man Tony!" Tony just shrugged and chewed the side of his cheek.

"Dunno there Cap" The genius stood up and walked over to him, the man was much seemingly smaller without his heals on, just bare foot walking around. He got extremely close to the Cap and got on his tip toes leaning in. If he wanted he could have kissed the man he were so close, though they both knew it wouldn't happen, Tony just liked getting close to annoy people.

That's when the billionaire squealed and almost fell to the ground with a jump back, a light blush on his face. "Dick" Steve smirked at the man, he sure was one ticklish man, billionaire, genius who cares. He was still ticklish. Tony went to go sit back down.

"So what's up?" This time, happily keeping his distance.

"I saved a kid today"

Tony furrowed his brows and chuckled, slowly clapping his hands. "Well done soldier, you saved a kid"

"Tony im serious"

"Well I didn't really think you were lying-"

Steve stepped forward making the Billionaire loose his confidence. He never minded being tickled, but then again it didnt help his reputation being melted into a giggly mess. He was still really nervous. Steve smirked at the man but then continued.

"She was covered in dirt and bits of blood. But before I found her, I ran through a hall. It was Dark, but the raging fires lit it up. There were bones, scattered. Probably enough for a good few people, some big some small. And blood, all over the walls..."

Steve tensed up, remembering the place. "It reminded me of the war with Thanos."

Tony stayed quiet, no longer fearful of childish tickles. It seemed horrifying. Even for them. "Okay, send me the Locations, I'll get F.R.I.D.A.Y up and working on it alright?" Tony wasn't the best when it came to comforting, but he knew he could do something.

Steve looked up at him and smiled thankfully, but Tony coukd tell there was something else bothering. Yet he didn't want Steve to be too focused on it all.

"Hey, here" Tony grabbed something from within a draw, it had a captain America's shield on the front, he handed it to steve. Just a normal sketch book. And some pencils. "You're welcome to use these and sit down at the window or something while I work. Keep your mind off things.

"Thanks Tony" Steve smiled at the billionaire, he wasnt great at comforting, but he knew what Steve wanted. It was a strange friendship that's for sure.

"Look at the first page too! I did a little something" The billionaire smirked as Steve turned the book open, on the front was an IronMan helmet with a little speech bubble saying "I Am IronMan" and a little stick figure with a shield in a cage in the bottom corner saying "I stink!"

Tony burst out laughing at Steve's expression. Let's just say his laughing continued for longer than expected...

#steve rogers #y/n #tony stank #bruce banner #hulksmash #the avengers #endgame #tickling #tickle community #natasha romanov #sam wilson #gore tw #bucky barnes #steve x reader #tony x reader #dr banner #marvel mcu #marvel

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slytherinknowitall · 5 years

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Potion Fumes and Cauldron Leaks

Chapter 9: Girl Talk

(Click here for chapter 8!)

(Click here to start from the beginning!)

Disclaimer: I don’t own the “Harry Potter” book series. The story of “Harry Potter” is the property of J. K. Rowling, it is not my intellectual property. There is no financial gain made from this nor will any be sought. This is for entertainment purposes only.

“Hermione, would you mind if Ron and I go now? Not to be rude, but we have Quidditch practice and … you know,” Harry said sheepishly.

Hermione couldn’t help but smile. For her birthday, Ginny and the boys had surprised her with a truly lovely evening. They had caught her after Transfiguration class and brought her to her private chambers which had been decorated using a seemingly completely random assortment of silly and rather tacky Muggle party supplies. As a result, the four of them were now sitting in her small bedroom amidst an explosion of colourful balloons, gigantic honeycomb balls made of flimsy tissue paper as well as lots and lots of cheap, glittering plastic streamers. There was even a cheesy banner hanging on one of the walls that read HAPPY BIRTHDAY HERMIONE! XOXO in big, bold letters. How her friends had orchestrated all of this, she did not know. Even after some intense questioning on her part, they had refused to disclose how exactly they had managed to gain access to the password-protected Head Girl Tower without her knowledge; however, Hermione had the sneaking suspicion that a certain free elf may or may not have had something to do with it.

Naturally, the trio also hadn’t forgotten to shower her in gifts, all of which were now neatly stacked on her dresser, right next to all of the other presents she had already received earlier during the day: a beautiful bouquet of fragrant wildflowers from Neville, a rather peculiar-looking necklace and a handmade card from Luna, and a parcel filled with an abundance of merchandise from the newest Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes product range, courtesy of Fred and George. Needless to say, Hermione wasn’t planning on touching or especially using any of the joke items, but she still greatly appreciated the thought.

The newest additions to this small collection were a small, round bottle of fairly pricey perfume from Ginny, a fluffy scarf made of thick, mulberry-coloured wool with a matching beanie and half-mittens from Ron (though Hermione thought it likely that he hadn’t actually bought them but rather had them made by his warm-hearted mother) as well as an expensive quill set from her favourite stationary store in Diagon Alley and an interesting book about wizarding tattoos – which were permanently charmed upon application and therefore moved across sections of the body similar to the way magical photos or paintings did on canvas – from Harry. The Muggle-born had almost let out a little laugh when realising that it was the exact same volume that she herself had purchased from Tomes and Scrolls only a few months prior and that was now sitting on one of her shelves in this very room. Not that she would ever tell him – it was the gesture that counted, after all!

“No worries,” Hermione said. “Of course you can go! I know how important this last season is for the both of you.”

“And besides,” the youngest Weasley chimed in. “Hermione and I need some time to ourselves for a long overdue girl talk anyway! With all this school work and stressing out about Quidditch, we really haven’t had the chance to chat in like forever. I’m sure you won’t mind me missing out on one training session, right?” she asked, as if they hadn’t already hashed all of this out beforehand.

“Not at all,” Harry answered lovingly before moving in to give her a quick peck on the lips, with Ron demonstratively looking the other way. After having the weight of constant threats and fear for the lives of his loved ones lifted from his shoulders following the end of the war, it seemed as though the young wizard with the famous lightening scar was finally feeling comfortable enough to have a normal and out-in-the-open relationship with his redheaded sweetheart.

The two boys then hugged the birthday girl goodbye before making a swift exit. As soon as the door shut behind them, Ginny turned to Hermione with the biggest grin on her face; it almost made the freckles on her rosy cheeks look like they were dancing.

“We finally did it, Hermione!” she exclaimed excitedly.

Absentmindedly picking at the remaining crumbs of a cake that had once read Sweet Eighteen, the older girl frowned in confusion. “Who did what?” she asked.

“Harry and I! You know …” Her expression turned cheeky.

“Oh … OH!” The nature of the topic instantly made the witch feel awkward. “Um, well, that’s great for you, Gin!”

“Thank you! Oh Hermione, it was absolutely wonderful! We sneaked out late night on Saturday and met up in the Room of Requirements. I don’t know what Harry asked for exactly, but he definitely aced it! The whole room was decorated with rose petals and floating candles; and there was a huge canopy bed and even a fireplace! I can’t even begin to tell you how long I’d been waiting for this moment and it turned out just perfect! Harry was so gentle and …”

Hermione listened to her babble on with only half an ear. She was happy for her best friend, of course; but at the same time, she couldn’t help but feel a little sullen. With the majority of her teenage years having been spent cramming for exams while trying to keep Harry alive and out of trouble, she had never had the time for any romantic escapades. In her juvenile blindness, Gilderoy Lockhart had been her first heartthrob and she had even harboured a small crush on Sirius Black for a while. A quick snog with Viktor Krum underneath the Quidditch Pitch bleachers during the night of the Yule Ball, however, had been the most action she’d ever had. While most people – including Harry, Ginny and probably even Ron himself – still seemed to think that she and the Gryffindor Keeper would someday end up together, Hermione had ruled out that scenario a long time ago. She loved the boy dearly, but he would never be more than a good friend to her; they were just too different. She needed someone more mature – someone who put as much emphasise on intellect and academics as her. But did someone like that even exist in the first place?

“… And I’m just so happy right now! I really feel like our relationship has been taken to a whole new level.” Ginny paused for a second. “Anyway, enough of me. Now tell me what’s been going on in the life of Hogwarts’ smartest smartass.”

“Hey!” Hermione proclaimed exasperatedly, but she did have to giggle when she saw the redhead’s smug expression – her friends had all figured out a long time ago how to rile her up using foul language. “Well, not much really. I’ve just been studying, fulfilling my duties as Head Girl, doing my lessons with Professor Snape and –“

“Galloping gargoyles! I’d totally forgotten about you and that slimy bastard!” the younger girl shouted, ignoring her shocked and appalled look. “You know, I still can’t believe that you chose him as your tutor! I mean, I’m already having a hard time with how strict McGonagall is being with me, and she can’t be even half as bad as that minger. How are you holding up?”

“It’s really not that bad. I mean, yes, he does make me work hard, but I knew that going in. And quite frankly, a big workload is not the worst thing – I do want to improve my brewing skills, after all. Plus, I do think that all of you have a completely wrong impression of Professor Snape. It’s true that he’s quite stern and almost cold sometimes, but he was a true hero during the war; you know that as well as I do. And after allowing me to work in his private lab and giving me that amazing birthday gift, I really don’t believe that –“

“WHAT?” Ginny’s outcry was so intense that her hazel eyes bulged to an abnormal extent. “Private lab? Birthday gift?! What the hell? You haven’t even been working with that plonker for a month and you already seem to be talking about a completely different Snape than me!”

Hermione was more than a little irritated at being interrupted yet again, but she decided to let it slide. “Merlin’s beard, Ginny, calm down! Yes, we are both talking about the same Professor Snape; and yes, he still is the same snarky and spiteful wizard as always. More importantly, however, it wasn’t like he invited me into his laboratory voluntarily. The Hospital Wing was in desperate need of medicine, but the Potions classroom was occupied – so he didn’t really have a choice but to have us use his personal workspace to brew.”

“Hmm, I guess that makes sense. It’s still a bit weird, though.” There was a brief moment of silence. “Wait … Wouldn’t his private lab be inside his personal quarters?”

When she didn’t answer immediately, the ginger-haired adolescent started jumping up and down excitedly on the bed. “By Salazar’s balls, Hermione! I cannot believe you entered the Dungeon Bat’s private chambers and lived to tell the tale! How does it look down there? Is it true that he has every single mirror covered with a piece of cloth so that he doesn’t have to see his own ugliness, just like Charlie used to want me to believe? Oh, you have to tell me everything!”

She rolled her eyes. “Just stop it. It really wasn’t that big of a deal. I had to promise him not to tell a soul anyway. So don’t even try to squeeze any specifics out of me!”

“Oh, come on! You can’t lure me with such a scandalous story and then leave out all the juicy details! You will tell me, even if I have to force you!” And with those words, she dropped to her knees, grabbed one of the bed’s many pillows and started hitting her friend with it ruthlessly.

“OUCH! Hey, Ginny, stop it! AH!” Hermione tried dodging the cushioned weapon, but it was to no avail. “Okay, okay, stop bothering me already! You really are something, Ginevra Weasley – it’s quite mean of you to treat me in such a way on my birthday, you know!” she exclaimed before hastily fixing her now messed-up ponytail. “I will tell you, but not before you promise me not to tell anyone, not even Harry! Professor Snape would kill me if he found out that I dared to blab.”

The redhead was beaming following her victory. “Pinky promise!”

Hermione audibly sighed before proceeding. “Well, his rooms are definitely not what you would expect. I didn’t view them in their entirety, of course; but from what I could see, there wasn’t a speck of Slytherin colours anywhere. It didn’t feel like a dark and gloomy dungeon space either. His sitting room is filled with hundreds upon hundreds of books, some of which I have never even heard of, Gin! Oh, how I wish I could just go back and browse for a few hours! A few of the books seem to be centuries-old originals that were written by hand and –“ She stopped herself when she noticed the annoyed look on the other girl’s face. “Anyway, it’s actually quite cosy down there; he even has a fireplace. And yes, there was a mirror, without any cloth in sight. That’s about it, really. There were some doors leading to other rooms, but he understandably directed me into the laboratory rather quickly. I know that you’re not that into brewing, but let me tell you that even you would be amazed by that place. So much amazing machinery and such rare ingredients! Oh, I could go on forever!”

“Yeah, yeah, please spare me the details. I couldn’t care less about his silly collection –“ Ginny skilfully overlooked her friend’s glare. “The interesting part is that you’ve actually been inside his private chambers. That’s absolutely insane! Just wait until Harry and Ron find out, we’ll be able to play so many awesome pranks on that git! Next time you go –“

“No, Ginny! I told you, you cannot tell anybody!”

“But –“

“NO! No ifs, ands or buts – just stop! You promised me, remember? I don’t think I’ll ever have the chance to go back anyway. Besides, after receiving that terrific gift from him yesterday, I really ought to be thankful rather than play any mean tricks on him.”

To beat her to another overemotional outburst, Hermione quickly recounted Dumbledore’s surprise visit and explained the tradition of giving gifts to one’s apprentice to celebrate them becoming another year older.

“So McGonagall will give me a birthday gift, too?” Ginny asked eagerly. The Head Girl confirmed with a brief bob of her head. “Sweet! But what did the old bugger get you anyhow?”

Hermione furled her eyebrows in distaste before using the Summoning Charm on her new most prized possession and handing it to the girl.

“Huh? It just looks like some old book that’s about to fall apart,” Ginny said, clearly disappointed by the worn object laying on her lap.

“I know that it may not look like much, but it’s the exact opposite. This here,” Hermione lifted the book so that it was on eye-level. “– is one of the most infamous wizarding works ever created. It’s so rare that not even the Ministry possesses a copy of it. Gin, this book is priceless – it’s easily worth more than the net worth of all current and past Quidditch players in the entire world combined!”

Finally understanding the severity of the situation, Ginny gasped. “And Snape still gave it to you?! Why in Merlin’s name would he do something like that?”

“I honestly don’t know. Such a gift would already be considered excessive even if we were friends, so I don’t understand at all why he would give it to me despite his obvious hatred towards me.” She heaved a sigh. “I’ve been racking my brain all day trying to come up with a way to properly thank him, but I don’t think I would even know what to say. I mean, this is the most amazing thing that anyone’s ever done for me!”

(Click here for chapter 10!)

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ladylynse · 6 years

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Whirlwind: Part IV - A Secret Quartet fanfic (FFnet | AO3)

(Part I/Part II/Part III): Jake should be used to ominous predictions by now. Randy should know better than to blindly follow McFist. Adrien should think twice before sneaking away. And Danny should’ve expected something like this when he got that phone call. (Timeline post)

5:53 PM

Jake couldn’t find an obvious hole in security around the building where the fashion show gala whatever-it-was was being held—every entrance was guarded and all the windows were closed, assuming any actually opened in the first place—and that made his job a little harder. He could probably get in from the roof. After all, a locked door was no match for his dragon claw unless it was magically locked, and this wouldn’t be. No, his problem with that method was the fact that there were cameras everywhere. He’d already have to invent some cover story in case people realized this first attack was due to magic; he didn’t need to add a dragon sighting to the mix.

He flew for about a block and a half before dropping into an alley, changing, and doubling back. His very human eyes picked out even fewer details than he had as a dragon, so he lurked across the street for a bit so he could text Fu and Danny and fill them in. The Ninja had told him enough to worry him. The fact that this place had been targeted out of everything else that was going on in the NYC tonight?

Not a coincidence.

Definitely not a coincidence.

Jake already knew Chat Noir had done some research. He’d found their shop, after all. It wouldn’t have been hard for him to find their family, either. Or his mom’s catering business. But the fact that he knew she’d be here tonight?

Jake made sure his phone was on silent before shoving it back into his pocket. In his book, going after parents was a low blow. His mom might know about the magical world, but she didn’t have dragon powers, so she couldn’t exactly defend herself as easily as her father or her kids. Endangering her was pretty much a declaration of war in Jake’s book. Even the elves she worked with didn’t do much in terms of magic; they wouldn’t be able to protect themselves, let alone anyone else, if it came down to a fight.

Jake kinda doubted she’d drop everything and leave, given how that would look, but at the very least, he could warn her. And hide somewhere nearby in case she needed protection. Even if she didn’t want him to.

Magic was looking like his best bet to get into this place, even if Gramps wouldn’t approve.

Well.

Magic, or maybe just the truth. Or at least a half truth. It would probably look better when he tried to explain this to everyone else if magic wasn’t his first resort.

He tried to pat his hair into something his mother might think was an acceptable position before peeling off to approach one of the security guards, a stern-faced lady with greying hair pulled back into a bun. “I’m Jake Long,” he said when he’d reached her. “The caterer’s son. She asked me to come by and help move some things.”

The dubious look he received had him pulling out his student card, which was about the only ID he actually had. “See?”

“Sorry, kid. Can’t let anyone in without the proper clearance, and unless I hear from someone else, that’s going to include you.”

“But my mom—”

“I don’t make the rules, kiddo.”

Jake managed not to scowl at the nickname. “Can’t you at least radio someone? Ask for Susan Long to come down? She’ll vouch for me.” His mother would not be happy, but she’d understand.

“Look, I don’t think you understand—”

“Are you sure you understand?” interrupted Jake. “This is an important party, yo. Do you want to be the one who ruined it because you wouldn’t let in the caterer’s help?”

“Listen, kid. The caterer has all the help she needs, and all those people have the proper clearance and badges to prove it. You don’t. So beat it.”

Of all the times not to have his board with him. There was no way this lady would’ve been able to catch him if he did, even in this crowd.

He didn’t have time to go back and get Fu to brew up a potion.

He didn’t really have a lot of time to wait around and focus for any fancy magic of his own, either, not when he didn’t know how things had gone down with Danny or if this Chat Noir had set anything up—or if his potential partner had, assuming it wasn’t the Ninja who had baited the trap Jake was trying to walk right into.

So he bolted, making a beeline for the door. The security guard was right on his tail, but he was used to that, and he was as good at ducking underneath obstacles as he was at flying over them. Of course, he didn’t know if the door was locked, and he didn’t have the time to pick it, so he called up what dragon strength he could in human form and wrenched it open. This nearly sent him flying back because it hadn’t been locked, probably because there was some kind of First Aid station set up just inside the doors, and he plowed through them and jumped the barriers without missing a beat.

He had to find his mom.

He had to warn her.

The fact that the first attack had been here couldn’t have been a coincidence.

If she at least knew to keep an eye out, that there was someone around, probably someone who was watching her, she and the rest of her crew could be extra careful. Take more precautions than usual. And spend as little time hanging around as possible.

With that in mind, Jake twisted around the new security guard that had joined the chase and raced down the hall. He tried to get his bearings as he went. He’d come in some side entrance, off the beaten path but not disconnected from the main hall that he could see ahead. He got through the next set of doors and ran full tilt into another pair of security officers. A few quick breaths of flame surprised them enough to give him time to scramble to his feet, vault over the next set of barriers, and keep going.

The fire probably hadn’t been the brightest idea, in hindsight; now, they probably thought he had a lighter and maybe that he was a particularly stupid arsonist. In all likelihood, it would bring more people down on him. But he worked with what he had. Once he got to his mom and warned her, then he’d leave. Sneak out, if that was actually possible, but at the very least willingly be kicked out.

Hopefully, his mom would step in if they actually called the police.

Jake didn’t pay attention to the screams. He just kept running and dodging, zigzagging and sliding, weaving and rolling. He scattered more than a few chairs, tore down a banner or two or ten, and tried to be as inconspicuous in his use of dragon powers as possible.

There was more than a little flame in his wake, though.

Which might have set off the fire alarm.

And activated the sprinklers.

Just a little bit.

He risked a glance over his shoulder, confirmed that they were still chasing him, and then looked forward. Realizing too late he was about to careen into the table, he tried to brake, swerve, jump it, anything, but he was going too fast to control it, especially with the wet floors, and—

“Jake Long!”

Something that may have been caviar slid down the side of his face, joining the mess of unidentifiable hors d’oeuvres in his lap and, well, everywhere else.

“Just what do you think you’re doing, young man?”

He was so dead.

“Um…. Delivering a message?” He couldn’t tell her in front of everyone that he was trying to warn her. Not that there were many people left besides her staff—who knew about him, being elves—and the guards chasing him. The only reason she was standing over him, soaking wet and glaring, was because she’d recognized the magic in the fire most humans couldn’t identify. She thought this mess was his fault, that he’d ruined this show—gala—whatever it was—for nothing.

“You did all this,” Susan Long repeated slowly, her voice quiet and tight, “just to deliver a message? Jake, I’m going to be lucky if anyone hires me after this. Gabriel Agreste has his fingers in a lot of pots, even over here. What can possibly be so important that you would do this?”

Jake looked behind him, decided he had enough time, and hurriedly whispered, “There’s going to be an attack. I think. This new guy in town, Chat Noir, he knows about us. About all of us. He’s going to try to hurt you—”

“Jake.” Something in Susan’s expression had softened, if not enough to save his hide. “I appreciate your concern, but you need to learn to judge the situation at hand.” She was speaking though her teeth now, a tight apologetic smile fixed on her face as she turned to the guards who’d come up behind him. “My apologies for my son’s antics,” she said. “We will of course pay for the damage he caused.”

Jake swallowed.

He wasn’t sure his mother’s company and his family’s savings combined could cover everything he had just done. Insurance wasn’t going to help if they thought he’d done this on purpose, and he couldn’t exactly tell anyone else the truth.

How had he managed to screw up this much in such a short period of time?

XXXXXXXXX

6:24 PM

They were ruined before opening night. Oh, something might be salvageable. The new opening could be staged elsewhere tomorrow night, possibly even with an improvised, shorter show as a teaser outside tonight. But he had come here for more than just the show; that had merely been a convenient guise.

A quick test of the waters had proven fruitful, lending credence to information he hadn’t been sure was reliable.

Finding Chat Noir in the city as well was simply a delightful bonus. Without his usual fighting partner by his side, there was an even greater chance than usual that he’d finally acquire the Ring of the Black Cat.

Especially now.

He didn’t know the details of what had happened, of course. Not yet. But he could find out easily enough. Even in the midst of the terror and chaos, he could feel the anger, the hurt, the shame, the disappointment.

The others could wait for him a little bit longer.

He cradled his hands and called a butterfly to him, infusing it with magic. “Destroyed by a child’s folly and burning with righteous fire within. What better time than now to let her fury blaze freely? Fly away, my little akuma, and blacken her heart!”

The akuma flitted off immediately, and he didn’t have to wait long until the connection was made. Sensing his victim’s heart, he smiled. “Hello, Dracona,” he said. “My name is Hawk Moth. I know how it feels to be betrayed by your own blood, to be painted as the draconian villain. I’ll help you to unleash your inner fire and find fairness in flame to teach a lesson that won’t be so easily forgotten. All I ask in return is for you to gather as much information on what passes for superheroes in this city as you can—and to fetch the ring of Chat Noir if he crosses your path. Do we have a deal?”

He was used to immediate agreement. Instead, he sensed laughter. “Hawk Moth,” drawled his chosen champion, “I haven’t heard of you before. You don’t sound like the Mothman.”

He gritted his teeth, took a breath, and said, “I am far from mere fantasy. I can grant you power—”

“Let me unlock my own power,” she breathed, “and you have a deal.”

“It is always a matter of unlocking your own power,” he assured her, not adding that Nooroo’s magic truly let the transformation occur. “Do we have an agreement?”

“Yes, Hawk Moth.”

He felt the magic overtake her, transform her, but there was something…wilder about it than he was used to. As if Dracona would prove more troublesome than most. The magic seemed stronger than it should, but not in his favour—as if she really did have her own power.

The notion was ridiculous, of course. Mere humans could only obtain power as he had, with magical objects. It was never inherently within them. More likely, this one had simply unleashed an inner fury she typically kept contained.

He heard a roar, a cacophony of screams, and smiled.

Chat Noir would return, as would this Ninja, and with any luck, the power he had granted Dracona would help him gain more of his own.

XXXXXXX

6:07 PM

Randy had barely gotten back inside the venue where this fashion show gala thing was being held when the fire alarm started blaring and the sprinklers went off.

Naturally, he hid, so instead of getting swept out of the building with everyone else, he was still around to see more than a few pairs of sodden security guards escort a sullen teenager from the building. He saw the woman walking a step behind them, a string of apologies falling from her lips, and guessed that whoever she was—she was wearing a uniform, so she had to be someone—that she was responsible for the boy.

And it didn’t take a genius to guess that the poor shoob was probably the one who’d wonked this up big time.

As fire marshals cleared the last of the building, Randy slipped out to follow the kid and the other woman. Hopefully, he’d get a better idea of who was feeling worse before they split up. Not that that would stop the Sorceress if this was her work; she’d just target both of them. Heck, she might just target the entire crowd. There had to be a lot of people out there who were sure their evening had been ruined, Marci and McFist included….

“I can’t go home, Mom,” complained the boy when the guards had finally left—miraculously without calling the cops, as far as Randy could tell. He wondered how many strings had had to be pulled for that to happen. He and Howard probably wouldn’t have gotten off so easily if they’d been caught red-handed like this boy. “I’ve got—y’know—that business I’ve gotta take care of.”

The mother’s lips thinned. “Then go to the store and fetch your grandfather. I don’t want you working alone on this, Jake.”

“But you—”

“The only danger I’m in is of losing my business after what you’ve done.”

Randy winced even as the boy deflated. His mom’s tone hadn’t been angry, exactly. More quietly disapproving, dripping with disappointment and a touch of resignation. As if the damage was done, as if there wasn’t time to be angry. Or—judging by the tightness of her expression—as if it weren’t the time or place to make a scene.

“Just let me fix this—”

“Jake,” his mother snapped, “leave it. You’ve done enough. I don’t have any more strings to pull and my favours won’t mean anything if I can’t recover from this. If you are right about there being more danger than usual, then I won’t let you work alone. You know I’m not unprotected. Go. Your responsibility isn’t for me.”

“But—”

“Now.”

Jake’s burning face betrayed the shame he was feeling, but he still opened his mouth to argue. Randy bit his lip. The Sorceress would make short work of either of these two---and probably practically anyone in the crowd who was crying over a ruined dress or angry over a ruined night or—

This was going to be bad.

He could use some help.

He kinda wished the dragon had stuck around, but maybe it was best that he hadn’t; fire-breathing dragons didn’t exactly exude calm.

It would’ve been nice if cat boy had shown his face again, though, even if Randy had to admit he’d lost Chat Noir’s stick thing in the fire. He didn’t remember dropping it, but it wasn’t in his pockets anymore, so he must have. That was really saying something, considering it had been ages since he’d accidentally dumped his throwing balls anywhere or lost his sword.

Randy touched the earpiece the Am Drag had given him. He’d put it on under the mask, but it seemed to be dead—which was unfortunate because it was probably his only source of backup. Maybe the channel wasn’t actually pre-set on it. Or maybe there was no one to hear him trying to use it. He pushed the button on the side again and whispered, “Hey, uh, whoever can hear this…. It’d be honkin’ bruce if I could get a little help. I’m, ah, pretty sure I’m gonna need it.”

Silence.

He pressed the button and tried again.

“Who is this?”

Randy blinked. He hadn’t actually expected a response, at least not from someone who definitely wasn’t the Am Drag. Maybe this thing wasn’t broken. Or maybe he’d just been hitting the wrong button, or not holding it long enough, or pressing it twice, or something. “I’m the Ninja,” he answered, retreating as much as he could. The wail of sirens had cut off a few minutes ago, and the buzz of the crowd wouldn’t necessarily hide his conversation this close to the people he’d been watching. “Who’re you?”

“The…what? Forget it, where’d you get this?”

“Where’d I get what?”

“The Fenton Phone!”

“The what?”

There was grumbling on the other end of the line, coupled with a sharp increase in wind noise. Whoever it was was on the move. “The communication device you’re using to talk to me.”

Oh. “I’ve got some friends in high places,” he said evasively.

More grumbling. Then, “Where are you?”

“Um.” Randy wasn’t actually sure. He’d found the place; that didn’t mean he knew where it was. He’d planned on following McFist back to the plane when the time came. “Where the big fashion show is. The opening thing. The gala. Y’know. That place.” Even he knew that wasn’t the most helpful description in the world. “You can’t miss it,” he added before the other guy could say something. “Just look for all the firetrucks and stuff. All the lights are still flashing.”

That was definitely a groan. “Fine, I’ll find you eventually. Just stay put.”

“Are you honkin’ kidding me? I’m gonna be waaaay too busy to leave if this shakes out the way I think it will.”

“Which is how, exactly?”

As if he was going to tell some shoob on the other end of the line about the Sorceress and everything she could do. “Bad.”

“How bad?”

“Very.”

“Yeah, but how bad are we talking?”

There was a note of earnestness the other boy’s voice that gave Randy pause. He was used to dealing with the Sorcerer, but this wasn’t Norrisville. This was New York City, and he had no clue about the lay of the land. He couldn’t assume the Sorceress was going to be as clueless because chances were she’d been operating for a while, biding her time until some event like this came up as a perfect opportunity to gain power. He doubted she’d counted on a dragon being in town, much less him or some foreign cat boy, but if she attacked now? With so many people around, all ready to panic?

It would be pandemonium, and the chaos would only make her stronger. The three of them would have a tough time stopping her. And if they failed?

“Worst case? Apocalyptic. So I’d rather wonk her cheese before it gets to the point.”

“You’d rather…what? Who are you talking about? Who are we dealing with?”

“I’ll fill you in when you get here. You won’t be able to miss me. Pretty sure I’m the only Ninja in town.”

“With the secrets this place has, I wouldn’t count on it,” was the muttered response.

Randy didn’t hear a click, but the background noise of rushing wind vanished abruptly. He shut his own earpiece off—or he tried—and crept back outside. The mother and son duo had vanished, though that amounted to little given the crowd not fifty feet away. They could be anywhere, and they weren’t the Sorceress’s only potential victims.

Besides, if the Sorceress had been out for any length of time and regained any power at all, she wasn’t going to be limited to people who were emotionally compromised. She could stank anyone, maybe even him if he wasn’t careful. She’d had zero trouble stanking people when she’d caught everyone at the fake club last time, even before they’d all been really panicking. She’d even gotten Morgan, and that girl was level-headed enough to have avoided the Sorcerer so far.

Still, as far as he knew, the Sorceress actually had to have eyes on someone to stank them like that.

If she was waiting around somewhere, she was either in the middle of the crowd…or somewhere above it.

Randy chewed his lip. The Nomicon hadn’t been flashing at him, so it didn’t have anything to say, which was weird. But maybe it wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world to double check on that, assuming it would open for him. He could probably get back out of it in time to meet whoever he’d just been talking to on the earphone thingy.

He ended up sprinting back inside and hiding under a table. He yanked his mask off and pulled out the Nomicon. It fell open at his touch, and he fell into the dizzying world of spiralling symbols.

He didn’t land so much as crash into a pool of water. He broke the surface, sputtering but not hurt. He swam the few meters to shore and tried to wipe the water out of his eyes. “What the juice, Nomicon? I just want some tips on dealing with the honkin’ Sorceress. I don’t need a bath! I don’t smell that much. It’s the smoke bombs.”

Angrily yelling at the sky actually had a chance of being effective in the Nomicon, and sure enough, clouds began gathering above him. He crossed his arms and waited. After a few seconds, misty words had formed: TO CLEANSE THE SOUL, ONE MUST FIRST CLEAR THE MIND.

“How the cheese do you expect me to cleanse the mind and soul of the Sorceress? She’s the Sorceress.”

The Nomicon, being its usual unhelpful self, only slightly amended its message: TO CLEANSE THE SOUL, ONE MUST FIRST CLEAR THE MIND.

“Clear and cleanse mean the same thing!”

A second underline appeared beneath the first.

Randy scowled.

He wasn’t entirely surprised when the clouds descended to engulf him. Hacking, he sat back up in the real world—and banged his head on the table. Of course. The Nomicon swung closed and slid to the floor. Once he had his mask back on and had stuffed the Nomicon into his pocket, he poked his head out from beneath the tablecloth to make sure the coast was still clear.

It wasn’t.

The officials wouldn’t have cleared this place for re-entry yet; he should have been safe. Instead, that kid’s mom was there. Her uniform was still a mess, and she was still soaked through from the sprinklers. She and her son probably should’ve been looked over for smoke inhalation or something like that if they’d been one of the last ones out; she certainly shouldn’t have been here.

Except she was.

More to the point, she was definitely ripe for the stanking. Her fists were clenched, her tie was askew and—yeah, that was definitely a scorch mark on her red blazer. She just stood in the middle of the room, looking at the mess. The ruin.

She should be safe. The Sorceress wouldn’t have reason to look in here, not right now, not when it was supposed to be clear and she had tons of targets outside. Except….

Except he could see this woman trembling. Anger, frustration, hopelessness—he wasn’t sure why. He just knew she was vulnerable.

After what had happened with the other lady outside, the one who’d called herself the Critic— After that, he shouldn’t have been surprised when he spotted the black butterfly. The problem was, he spotted it too late. He only noticed it when it was right there, and then it landed on the woman’s necklace and melted into it. She froze, her trembling stopping, and he overheard half of a whispered conversation that made zero sense.

Well, almost zero sense.

Let me unlock my own power. Never a good request in his book. Yes, Hawk Moth. Like it wasn’t actually the Sorceress behind this after all, just some shoob obsessed with butterflies. And, worst of all, you have a deal. Because he had no idea what that deal was, just the conviction that it was going to seriously wonk things up.

And then she…changed.

Grew.

It wasn’t exactly like watching someone be stanked, but it was close. Similar enough, at any rate. Suspiciously so. The animalistic features were all too familiar, and the shimmering purple-pink scales—slashed with green on the underbelly—weren’t a surprise, either. The wings and tail, on the other hand? The horns? The ridge of spines from nape to tail? The length of those sharp talons? Yeah, those were more surprising. The intelligence behind those dark eyes wasn’t a comfort, either.

He’d been excited to meet his first real live dragon.

He was considerably less excited to meet the second.

He wondered what the chances were of the first one coming back.

He should really go back outside. Wait for that other person to show up. Try to figure out how to fight a honkin’ dragon without endangering everyone else. The Critic hadn’t been able to breathe fire—he was not going to bet this dragon couldn’t—or fly, which had at least limited her ability to do serious damage. This time….

Randy swallowed. The Nomicon hadn’t mentioned anything about this. Maybe it hadn’t known. If no other Ninja had ever encountered the like, that was definitely possible. And how many Ninjas would’ve met a dragon that hadn’t just been created by the Sorcerer?

At least he knew how to do the Ninja Hydro Hand. That would probably help. Plus the fact that he knew why this lady had gotten stanked. Or, well, butterflied. Same idea. He’d figured out that much.

The dragon beat her wings, overturning nearby chairs and effectively ruining his cover when the tablecloth went flying, but she didn’t seem to notice him. Which was good, because it didn’t seem to be taking her long to get used to her new form. It had never taken anyone who was stanked long, either. It was like a natural instinct.

There was an upside, though: because this was definitely like someone who was stanked—he knew that from the fight with the Critic—then that should mean—

There. It was hard to pick out against the dragon’s scales, but her necklace hadn’t changed like everything else. The stank—butterfly—whatever—was inside it, and all he had to do was get it and break it and things could go back to normal.

Easier said than done.

“Whatever shoob is coming to back me up better get here soon,” Randy muttered as he stole forward, keeping low to the floor as he followed in the dragon’s wake. She flew steadily and nimbly, sliding to fit through doorways he would’ve thought were too small. He’d expected her to be like a fledgling, still figuring out her wings, but this…. This was skill, like she’d studied aerodynamics her whole life or something. Like she was a pilot, not…whatever her actual job was that had her working here.

She was fast, which meant he’d have to be faster. He’d have to find a way to hold her off until someone arrived, whether it was Mr. Mysterious Voice, Chat Noir, or the Am Drag.

The dragon smashed through the outer doors with a roar, and the screaming began. Palming a few Ninja Cold Balls, Randy ran to catch up.

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#secret quartet #adjl #miraculous ladybug #rc9gn #danny phantom #crossover #fanfiction #my writing #ladylynse #snippets #crossover snippet #dp snippet #adjl snippet #rc9gn snippet #ml snippet #so not sure if the underline will show up on tumblr #put it in via html editor #but we shall see #it's there in the offsite versions

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bontu-the-fabulous-side · 7 years

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Gishath, Sun’s Avatar - By Bontu the Fabulous!

Hi! Before we begin, lemme tell you a little story. Day 1 of prerelease, my friend Marcel and I made a bet. Whoever pulled Gishath, Sun’s Avatar, would be forced to run Nayasaurs prerelease. If it was foil, we joked, we would build an EDH deck around it. Of course... First prerelease pack, Foil Gishath. And now, here we are, my completed deck. As a sidenote, there will be cards that can fit in multiple places, so they will reappear multiple times.

THE DECKLIST!

Commander - Gishath, Sun’s Avatar. Dinosaur List - 25x Ranging Raptors Chameleon Colossus Ravenous Daggertooth Sun-Blessed Mount Steadfast Armasaur Raptor Hatchling *Foil* Carnage Tyrant (Best 12th place pull of my fucking life) Sun-Crowned Hunters Raging Swordtooth Verdant Sun’s Avatar Kinjalli’s Sunwing Ripjaw Raptor Fungusaur Sky Terror Bonded Horncrest Burning Sun’s Avatar Territorial Hammerskull Colossal Dreadmaw Charging Monstrosaur Bellowing Aegisaur Imperial Aerosaur Wakening Sun’s Avatar Ancient Brontodon Goring Ceratops Snapping Sailback Pretty standard Dinosaur list. I’m missing a Regisaur Alpha, but I’ll pick one up in the next few days. The spicy addition Sun-Blessed Mount, one of my favorite Dinosaurs. Soon, this list will be updated heavily with things such as the new Elder Dinosaur. Ramp - 14x Selesnya Signet Rampant Growth Explosive Vegetation Knotvine Mystic Farseek Solemn Simulacrum Darksteel Ingot Gruul Signet Kodama’s Reach Sol Ring Skyshroud Claim Worn Powerstone Boros Signet Ranging Raptors

There’s a lot of big dinosaurs, including my commander. I NEED a butt-ton of ramp. I’m missing an Urza’s Incubator (Damn that card), and a Caged Sun. Nothing to critical with all the ramp I have, though! Removal - 10x Nevinyrral’s Disk Savage Stomp Hallowed Burial Krosan Grip Hull Breach Naya Charm Pyrohemia Raging Swordtooth Domri Rade Huatli, Dinosaur Knight Small bits of removal, including 2 board wipes. Hallowed Burial is AMAZING in this deck, because it shuffles the monsters instead of kills- Which recycles my Dinosaurs. Not bad! Planeswalkers - 3x Domri Rade Huatli, Warrior Poet Huatli, Dinosaur Knight Domri gets you a draw 1/3 times, and can be a gamewinner, while also being solid removal in a 3 drop. Huatli the Warrior is a token generator plus lifegain, that can also go into a game winning scenario the moment she hits. Huatli, Dinosaur Knight is a dino support walker that really helps. Not only can she be searched out with another dinosaur in this deck, but she buffs up Gish for bigger hits, and can remove- Not to mention go in for game if she sticks around. Draw - 4x Harmonize Sensei’s Divining Top Solemn Simulacrum Ripjaw Raptor This deck needs more draw, I know, but I feel personally that with Gishath you don’t need too much- He’s your ‘draw’ engine. Though, I will keep testing, and give updates. Protection - 3x Asceticism *FOIL* Legion’s Initiative Lightning Greaves Nothing too fancy, Legion’s Initiative will be covered later.

Tribal - 7x Commune with Dinosaurs Kinjalli’s Caller Vanquisher’s Banner Door of Destinies Priest of the Wakening Sun Metallic Mimic Otepec Huntmaster Nothing too interesting, just a few important cards that need to be in here is all.

The Spice - 10x The Spice(tm) is what I like to call your special inclusions. Fun ones that don’t fit with other categories, but reaaallly do some fun things. These are the reasons we build the deck, and I will be going over them each in particular.

Lurking Predators What a card. In EDH, in this deck, it’s essentially a 1/3 chance to play a creature whenever an opponent casts a spell- Even something to remove this! It swarms the field easily.

Congregation at Dawn The first time I saw this card, I was wondering why you’d run this in the deck. Then... I realized how incredible it was. Essentially, it lets you grab ANY 3 Dinosuars from your deck and slam them on top for Gishath’s little hands to grab. Wakening Sun’s, Regisaur Alpha, Carnage Tyrant... Glorious.

Beastmaster Ascension Dinosaur Beastmaster. Nuff’ said.

Mayael’s Aria *FOIL* I’ve wanted to put this card in a deck for years, but have never really found a good place for it- Until now. This card essentially buffs your entire field every turn! Sometimes, though, it does more- And gives you 10 life, nothing to sneeze at in EDH. Though rare, and nearly impossibly, this card on it’s own can win games. Just be careful. Mainly, this card is in here because of my love for it... And because I got a foil. God what a good foil.

Blade of Selves Blade of Selves in this deck is utterly riduclous. Whether you toss it onto a Ripjaw Raptor for card draw, Ranging Raptors for ramp, Solemn SImulacrum for both, or just a big dinosaur for scary damage, this card can really put in ths work. Take for instance, Wakening Sun’s Avatar. That’s a boardwipe every single turn, with massive dinosaur’s now swinging at everyone. And if not that, I mean, come on- Who WOULD’T wanna put this on a Carnage Tyrant?

Titanic Ultimatum Holy shit. This card... Is incredible. Playing this card with one creature essentially is madness, gaining life, getting damage... But with a full field, with big dinosaurs, Gishath himself, and scary things? This card puts in work. Not only does it make Gish’s ability better, but he becomes a 12/11 First Strike Trample Vigilance Haste Lifelink. Isn’t that wonderful?

Legion’s Initiative An incredible early game card, and late game, it’s a mass board buff that honestly... Saves your bacon. It basically dodges a boardwipe, whether it’s yours or your opponents- Then, move to combat... And swing in on an empty field.

Cream of the Crop I’m stunned this card doesn’t see more play. In a normal green deck, all of your creatures suddenly scry for you! For 2 mana!! In this deck... It’s something incredible. Getting Gish out with this basically let’s you put a Dinosaur on top, then once you get it off of him, you suddenly use it again- Getting a good draw next turn. The cycle repeats. All for 2 mana.

Rite of Passage Suddenly, all dinosaurs have Enrage. This card may not seem like much, but this ability is POWERFUL. Raging Swordtooth suddenly became a whole lot better, but, there is another reason why this card is in the deck...

Pyrohemia This card is fucking bonkers. With Rite of Passage, it makes your creatures HUGE while wiping the board. Impressive, but not enough... Wait... Huh, apparently this card can TRIGGER ENRAGE for all of your Dinosaurs. So... R, for draw a card? R, for search for a land? R, for gain life? Seems incredible.

Conclusion

This deck is extremely fun and flavorful, and I put my own fun spin on it! I hope you all are inspired to enjoy some Gishath action in your life, or just a tribal EDH deck in general. PLEASE if you have any card suggestions or ways to improve the deck let me know! Have a wonderful day everyone!!

#MTG #EDH #Magic the Gathering #Decklist #Gishath

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aion-rsa · 4 years

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Marvel’s Avengers Review: It’s No Spider-Man

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A developer assumes a measure of responsibility when making a superhero game. These characters typically have a longstanding fanbase that is oftentimes overprotective and overly precious about how their favorite heroes are portrayed. So when it was announced that Crystal Dynamics and Marvel Games were working on an action-adventure, narrative-driven, loot-based Avengers game, I was skeptical because a) it sounded like an overly ambitious game to make regardless of licensing, and b) this isn’t just any superhero license—these are the most popular, beloved superhero characters on the planet right now. How could the developers possibly meet Marvel fans’ lofty expectations?

My takeaway from Marvel’s Avengers after completing its story campaign and playing through hours of its online multiplayer component is that the game will not meet your expectations. It’s ultimately a bit of a letdown. Certain aspects of the game are even extraordinarily good, but there’s a lack of consistency that runs throughout the game on several levels as well as fundamental flaws that keep it from standing alongside the likes of Marvel’s Spider-Man and Rocksteady’s Batman Arkham series in the superhero game pantheon.

Marvel’s Avengers as an experience is divided into two big modes. The first mode is a story campaign, which is designed as a mostly solo experience and focuses on the hero’s journey of would-be Avenger Kamala Khan (voiced wonderfully by Sandra Saad). Upon completing the campaign, the game transitions into its Avengers Initiative online multiplayer component, which continues the story through largely standalone single- and multi-objective missions you can take on with up to three teammates. If you want to get to playing with your friends right away, you do have the option to skip the campaign entirely, but then you’d be missing what for now is the stronger half of the experience.

The story itself is pretty standard fare for comic book fans. It sees the Avengers disassembled and then slowly reassembled in dramatic fashion before they ultimately save the day. The inciting incident is A-Day, an event in San Francisco in which the Avengers, along with scheming scientists George Tarleton and Monica Rappaccini, were meant to unveil a new mineral called Terrigen as the key to a clean energy-fueled future. But when terrorists led by Taskmaster attack, most of the team rushes to the rescue while Cap tries to secure the volatile Terrigen crystal fueling the Avengers’ helicarrier, the Chimera.

After defeating Taskmaster, the ship unexpectedly explodes, claiming the life of Captain Rogers and spreading Terrigen mist across the city, imbuing normal people with extraordinary abilities. The world comes to refer to these new superpowered citizens as Inhumans. Fearing for their own safety in an Avenger-less world, humanity quickly begins hunting and persecuting these Inhumans, who are forced to hide their powers or risk imprisonment — or worse.

Years later, young Kamala Khan, who met the Avengers on A-Day as a participant in a fan fiction contest and is now secretly an Inhuman with incredible shape-shifting powers, embarks on a journey to uncover the truth about what really happened on that fateful day. Along the way, she reassembles the Avengers and joins the Inhuman resistance and what’s left of SHIELD in their fight against Tarleton’s evil tech organization Advanced Idea Mechanics (AIM). Like Kamala, Tarleton is also going through his own transformation, morphing before our eyes into the grotesque MODOK, who’s never been one of my favorite Marvel villains but is serviceable here.

What sets the game’s narrative apart from other Avengers stories and pretty much every video game story out there is that Kamala is at the center of it, which is cool not only because she’s a great character from the comics, but because she’s a Pakistani American woman starring in a AAA video game. I can’t overstate how much decisions like this mean to underrepresented communities. Best of all, Kamala’s storyline is handled with care, as we watch her grow into a powerful hero that inspires the rest of the Avengers to get back to work. She’s truly the heart and saving grace of the game’s story campaign.

The game’s larger storytelling is far from perfect, however. Kamala is a great protagonist, and the mentor/mentee relationship that develops between her and Dr. Bruce Banner (Troy Baker at the top of his game) is perhaps the title’s best storyline. But the other Avengers—Iron Man, Thor, Cap, Black Widow—aren’t nearly as compelling. They feel like shallow versions of what we’ve seen before in the comics and movies, which would be fine if you only saw them from Kamala’s point of view…but you don’t.

At different points throughout the campaign, you take control of each Avenger, turning the game into more of an ensemble piece meant to explore all of the heroes individually. But other than Kamala and Bruce, none of them has an interesting character arc. Larger than life Marvel staples like Tony Stark and Thor are woefully underwritten here and even their Iconic Missions, hero-specific side stories that tie back into the main plot, leave much to be desired. While these missions are each meant to highlight a specific character and their powers, they mostly play out like every other mission type. More on that in just a bit.

It doesn’t help that Marvel’s Avengers doesn’t do enough to distance itself from its movie counterpart. All I see when I look at the OG Avengers in the game is “Store-Brand Avengers,” lesser versions of their MCU counterparts (don’t get me started on the atrocious Tony character model). And since their individual stories are underwritten, we virtually have no choice but to reference the MCU to fill in the blanks. The game just doesn’t have a strong identity of its own.

Fortunately, combat is pretty solid all around. Crystal Dynamics has done a good job making each hero feel different from the next, from Kamala’s stretch-based powers to Iron Man’s high-flying maneuvers to Hulk’s environment-shattering smashing, and the combat feels smooth, with timed dodges, parries, and ability gauges adding depth to what is essentially traditional beat-em-up gameplay. There are imbalances here and there (like when a dozen off-screen enemies attack you all at once and you have no choice but to, well, die), but it’s generally fun to punch and shoot your way through AIM’s robotic and human goons.

That said, the combat is sometimes hindered by a camera that can’t quite keep up with the action. Things can get so hectic during intense combat sequences that it’s very possible that you’ll lose track of what’s happening on screen all together. I also experienced pretty severe framerate drops at points when there were too many enemies on screen. And although you can tackle multiplayer missions by yourself with three AI companions—which is a nice touch for those who don’t particularly like playing online—expect to grow frustrated with the AI at times.

All of this is compounded by the uninteresting enemies you’ll face throughout the game. No one really thinks of AIM when counting down the best evil factions in Marvel history and the shadowy organization isn’t made any more spectacular here. You’ll mostly spend your time in Marvel’s Avengers fighting bullet-spongy robots, drones, mechs, and jet pack-wearing soldiers, with almost no hint of an actual recognizable Marvel villain in between. How is it possible to have this much access to the Marvel license and include pretty much no fan-favorite villains in the game? Sure, you’ll face one or two, including Hulk villain the Abomination, who was revealed in the beta, but don’t expect to see any A-listers in this game.

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Marvel’s Avengers also puts a big emphasis on loot and character progression. Each hero has their own skill trees, gear to equip, and unlockable cosmetics. Skill points you earn by completing missions and taking down enemies can be redeemed for new abilities on the skill tree, while cosmetics (new costumes) can be purchased with in-game currency at different vendors, bought with real money, unlocked by progressing through the story, or earned through each hero’s Character Card, a progression system structured like a traditional battle pass. As you complete challenges in the game, you’ll earn challenge points that unlock new items on the Character Card.

The gear system is a bit more involved. You’ll need to do a lot of grinding to outfit your character with the best gear and raise their power level, the most important number in the game. Your character’s power level, which is an amalgamation of each piece of gear’s individual power level, defines how strong your character is and whether they can take on increasingly difficult missions.

Each mission has a recommended power level, and it’s in your best interest to heed that warning. If you’re even five below the recommended power level, you’re likely to get annihilated on the battlefield. Unfortunately, this means that you’ll find yourself grinding levels for more powerful gear quite a bit in the game, replaying War Zone missions at higher difficulties in the hopes of getting better item drops. All that said, loot isn’t represented cosmetically, and while there are seemingly countless perks and customization options tied to the pieces of gear you find, at the end of the day, the combat kinda feels the same no matter what loadout you’ve got. There’s a severe lack of variety here.

As we wrote in our preview of the game back in August, War Zone missions get old very quickly. They’re repetitive, are largely set in surprisingly uninteresting environments, and usually involve one of only a handful of mission structures, from attacking and defending control points to destroying AIM tech to simply taking out enemy waves. This is all fun at first, and playing with others online does add dimension to the experience. Coordinating attacks, watching each others’ backs, performing devastating combos on giant robots–the combat is definitely conducive with online co-op.

But the recycled mission structures and environments just aren’t enough to keep me going for as long as the devs want me to. There are some storytelling elements bookending the War Zone missions, especially in the case of the aforementioned Iconic Missions, which is appreciated. But after breaking into the umpteenth AIM lab and destroying the three valuable pieces of tech or holding down the three important control points or destroying another giant mech, you begin to wonder what you’re actually working towards in the game.

As far as I can tell at launch, you grind missions to earn better gear in order to take on tougher missions that feel exactly like the last batch of missions…but more difficult? All in all, repetitive missions make it so that you want off the gameplay loop as soon as possible. I certainly don’t feel the impetus to keep playing now that I’ve finished the story campaign and written this review.

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Another annoyance I have with online play is the matchmaking. It often took forever to find other players and launch a mission. I ultimately enjoyed playing solo with AI companions much more, which really says something about a game that’s meant to be played with others, especially since the AI heroes almost never help you actually complete objectives. They just kind of follow you around the stages.

I’m looking forward to the Hawkeye DLC that’s on the way for Marvel’s Avengers, as well as the PlayStation-exclusive Spider-Man content coming out next year, but I’ll most likely give the game a rest until then. I wish that Crystal Dynamics had focused more on the campaign because, man, some of the set pieces and Kamala moments show signs of life in a game that mostly feels dead on arrival. I would have loved to play 10 more hours of a Kamala single-player campaign. But alas, I’m left with the bitter taste of a middling, Destiny-like action-looter that unfortunately undermines the truly great things that the game does have going for it.

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