#hint: i made these in august xx

[franckeggelhoffer]

by clicking the SOURCE LINK, you will find 189 gifs of evan rachel wood in westworld (2016–2022), s04e07–08). these gifs were made by me from scratch. please do not include in other gif hunts, do not repost, or claim these as your own. do not use for taboo/smut/real life hollywood roleplays. you're free to edit or resize these, but please credit me/tag me. please like/reblog if you find these useful. enjoy!

warnings: kissing, water, flashing lights

#evan rachel wood gif hunt #evan rachel wood gif pack #evan rachel wood gifs #gifhunthub #fcxdirectory #gifpackshq #thegifpackreblogs #gif pack #evan rachel wood #uservalerie #mine: gif pack #if u knew how long this has been in my drafts....... #hint: i made these in august xx

[littlexdeaths]

fever pitch - r.b.

softball player robin buckley x cheerleader fem reader

18+ ONLY MDNI

warnings: all characters are 18+, oral (f receiving), fingering, public sex, thigh riding, secret relationship, allusions to sex, bullying, mean!dom robin, little bit of mean reader, jealous reader

this is a collab with the absolutely brilliant @undead-supernova !! i literally had so much fucking fun writing this with you august, and it might be my favorite robin fic i’ve ever written. i feel like our brains collided and made a gay ass baby and i’m so proud of us. we hope you enjoy xx.

word count: 3.7K

“Shhh, don’t want us getting caught like this do you?”

Robin’s voice is hushed but stern, now lifting her head from between your trembling thighs. The blonde has you spread out on a bench in the dugout, skirt shoved up around your hips as her tongue laps up everything you have to offer.

That is until a broken moan leaves your lips, unable to stop it as her fingers curl up inside you. The sound breaks through the silence, the only thing heard above the soft hum of cicadas.

“What would your little friends think, hmm?” she taunts, brow raised as she looks up at you, dirt still smeared across her cheeks from the game. “Knowing a loser is the one making you feel so good?”

In that moment you can’t find it within yourself to care anymore, gripping her hair in your fist to guide her back between your legs. “Let them.”

Robin hums, her lips drifting lower to nip at the tender skin of your thighs. The action causes another loud whimper to leave you. “You sure about that, honey?”

“I don’t care,” you admit out loud for the first time, thoughts completely overwhelmed with all things Robin.

“Fuck, I don’t care anymore,” you sigh.

Never in your wildest dreams would you think tonight would turn out like this.

You’d been watching her from the sidelines as she attempted to slide into homebase, coming up a little short. You’d never gotten to see her play before, your extracurriculars usually running at the same time. But today had been just your luck, with Chrissy spraining her ankle, immediately being rushed off to get it iced. Coach ended practice shortly after—no use continuing without the star of the squad there, right?

It gave you the perfect opportunity to watch her without raising any suspicion—two of your teammates by your side, laughing as Robin struck out. You took your lower lip between your teeth, trying not to gawk as she rose to her feet. Dusting the dirt off her thighs when she caught your eye, biting back a smirk as she made her way towards the dugout.

But not before stopping by where you were leaning against the bleachers. Right there, in front of everyone for the first time.

See, this has been going on for months. The sneaking around, the feigned rivalry.

If only they knew what was really happening behind closed doors.

You first noticed her late one afternoon, walking to your car after cheer practice. Robin hadn’t even crossed your radar, barely a glance in the hallway. Too wrapped up in your own world to notice. But there was just something about the warm glow of the sunset laying against her flushed cheek. The way she found your eyes, like she knew your secret, before she spit out the shell of a sunflower seed. Chuckling as she grabbed her bat and walked off.

All you knew after that was you desperately wanted to know more. And boy, did you.

You quickly learned through word of mouth that she had been caught hooking up with some girl in the band room after school. That confirmation prompted you to start dropping her little hints. Longing glances when no one was paying attention, nods in the hallway. Sneaking out of practice early just so she’d notice you walk by. And, sure, she noticed.

But Robin wasn’t going to come easy, was she?

No, she wanted to make you work for it. To prove to her you were serious, not just another girl looking to make out with her for the thrill of it. Or some sick joke conjured up by the cheer squad to humiliate her more.

You quickly realized that your subtle hints were not going to get you what you wanted. Her.

One day you’d finally had enough, boldly slipping a note in her locker between classes. Coaxing her to meet you in the secluded alley between the gym and the cafeteria. A place you’d only used to meet a certain super senior when you wanted to buy some weed.

A spot unknown or used by the majority of the students of Hawkins High, knowing you wouldn’t be seen or heard by any curious passersby.

Part of you was worried she wouldn't show, becoming increasingly more nervous as time passed. Any lingering qualms were squashed when you saw her striding down the narrow path towards you. She looked good, her dark jeans hugging her hips just right. A button-up shirt tucked loosely into them, the top few buttons left open.

You wanted nothing more than to lean forward, closing the short distance between your bodies. Leave a trail of blues and purples along her exposed skin. And that terrified you, to know that one girl could mess you up in such a monumental way.

“So,” you mumbled, kicking a pebble with the tip of your sneaker.

“So,” she answered, crossing her arms over her chest.

Without hesitation, you introduced yourself but Robin gave you a confused look.

“Yeah, I already know who you are.”

“You do?”

“Well, we’ve gone to school together our whole lives…” she paused, running a hand through her hair, “and when a girl is practically eye-fucking you in the halls, it’s hard not to notice.”

“Oh, right,” you replied, looking down. Embarrassment washed over you. “Sorry, I guess I misinterpreted this whole thing.”

You carefully pushed off the wall, ready to walk away and pretend like this whole thing never happened. Save yourself the humiliation.

But her soft voice stopped you in your tracks.

“I wouldn't say that.”

“Then what would you say?” you asked, more confident now.

“You’re the one who asked me here,” Robin pointed out, turning the focus back to you.

And just as quickly as your confidence had risen, it fell. So you looked down again, now fiddling with the hem of your skirt.

“I don’t, um,” you struggled. “I don’t really know how to say it. I just…I…”

“Oh, just spit it out already.”

You looked up at her exasperated expression, narrowing your eyes. “Fine! Fine. Whatever. I like you, okay?”

“Like me? We’ve never spoken.”

“Don’t give me that when I’ve seen the way you look at me too.”

Robin’s hardened expression fell. “Touché.”

Silence fell between you, Robin lifting her head to look at the sky. You couldn’t help but squirm again, feeling a desperate urge to breathe in her scent.

You sighed. “So, what do we do now?”

“Hell if I know,” she replied, looking back at you. “I thought you were stuck up like the rest of your prissy friends.”

“Not when I’m around you,” you admitted, barely above a whisper. “You make me feel…different, somehow.”

“I could make it much worse for you, you know,” Robin replied, a smug grin reaching her lips as she stepped closer to you. “All you have to do is ask.”

“Please—”

“Actually, no,” Robin interrupted, fingers inching towards your hip. “You should beg.”

“Please,” you said without hesitation. “Please, Robin. I need you.”

Robin knew she shouldn’t. And so did you. But there was just something there, pressing against your chests as Robin pressed you against the brick. And when she kissed you the first time, you nearly whined in contentment, mewling softly against her mouth.

That kiss left you feeling desperate, eager for her to show you more. However, Robin wasn’t going to chase you, forcing you to take matters into your own hands. You sought her out one night after practice, pulling her into the equipment room outside the gym. Backing her body against the door, lips meeting once you heard the lock click into place.

“Just couldn’t stay away now, could you, baby?” she mumbled against your mouth, pulling a soft whine from you as she nipped at your lower lip. The noise caused her to laugh softly.

“I want you, Robs.”

She hummed in response, letting her lips trail across your jaw. “Want me how?” she prodded as the tip of her nose skimmed along your collarbone, rendering you utterly speechless.

“Show me,” she breathed, further stealing the breath from your lungs as she kissed you deeply. Taking control as she flipped your positions, enclosing you against the door.

You’re pliable under her soft touch, guiding her fingers up and underneath your pleated skirt. The blue of her irises nearly swallowed whole by her pupils as she gazed at you hungrily. That look ignited something within you, feeling emboldened as you reached forward to undo her pants. Exploring each other in a way that was unfamiliar to you, her skilled fingers helping to guide you with ease.

After that, it was just your little secret, with no one being the wiser. Why would they? You were on the opposite ends of the food chain, fractured by the Hawkins High hierarchy. Leaving little glances across the cafeteria, brushes of your fingertips in the hallway as a secret reminder of what you two had. It didn’t hurt that you could sit in class, practice, or even the shower and think about how they’d brush against your breasts later.

Of course, you couldn’t help but wind her up whenever you could be overheard. As she would gladly put you in your place in private.

But you knew as she approached you on the field with that familiar glint in her eye— you were really in for it this time.

“What’s so funny?” Robin asked, removing her gloves. You let your eyes linger on her fingers for a moment as she gripped the leather. Quickly shifting your gaze elsewhere as you pressed your thighs together.

Something the blonde didn’t miss. Holding back a smug smile as she looked between the three of you.

“You’re just such a loser,” Carol snickered, snapping her gum between her teeth.

Heather joined in with a giggle. “Yeah, maybe you should look into joining the t-ball team. Seems like a much better fit for you.”

Heather knew she struck a nerve, pleased with herself as Robin’s jaw clenched in anger.

“Oh, yeah?” Robin said, ready to egg her on. “And what do you know, Holloway? I’d like to see you do something other than shake your ass at Billy Hargrove during games. Don’t you find it pathetic how desperate you are for his attention?”

“Oh, fuck you,” Heather snapped back. “As if you are getting any. No one even knows your name.”

“You’d be surprised,” Robin replied, her eyes shifting towards you as if on instinct. “You know, I don’t recall ever seeing this one with a guy.”

“You better get back to that pitch before you strike out, Buckley,” you bit back, shooting her a warning look. “Again.”

With a shake of her head, Robin glanced behind you at your “friends” before scoffing and turning. But not before she took her cleat and scuffed up dirt onto your shiny white sneakers.

“Oops.” She laughed, giving you one last look before walking away.

Not missing a beat, Heather turned to you with a bewildered expression. “You know her name?”

You raised an eyebrow. “It’s on her uniform.”

“Oh— right,” she murmured, the conversation quickly forgotten as they discussed their plans for the night: yet another kegger at the Harrington residence. It was something you definitely weren’t interested in attending.

Though they begged you to join them, you merely shrugged and told them to go without you. They didn’t even blink before heading off, their laughter fading as quickly as it started. But you soon found yourself lost in the chatter of the crowd and the roar of the umpire.

You decided to move up, leaning against the chain-link fence, pom-poms thrown to the dirt as you watched your girl stepping up to bat again. The score had been tied, this being Hawkins High’s last chance to win the game.

As always, Robin found you again. She gave you a wink before you heard the sharp crack of the bat. You gasped along with the crowd at the sight of the ball shooting through the sky and into the parking lot.

You couldn’t help the loud cheer erupting from your lips, clapping along with the crowd as she sprinted through each base with ease. And as she slid into home and was declared safe, her eyes met yours. They followed you as she picked herself up, sweat dripping as she removed her helmet. Shaking her dampened hair out with a wide grin.

There was no longer anything inside you that beckoned you to be malicious. You could feel a swell of pride inside you, wanting nothing more than to show her just how incredible she was. How much you cared about her…and you planned on it.

Her teammates were quick to surround her, lifting her up onto their shoulders as the crowd continued to cheer. Robin was clearly embarrassed by the sudden swarm of attention, her cheeks beautifully flushed as they carried her across the field. Soaking in the glory for a few more moments before they were called to line up, shaking hands with the opposing team.

But as everyone began to clear out, you noticed Beth Wildfire hanging back, laughing near the dugout with Robin. As you moved closer, you could make out the way Beth was checking out Robin’s ass as she bent over to grab her glove.

Robin lifted her head slightly, noticing you making your way over.

“Nice win, Buckley,” Beth said, popping in a piece of gum. “We should go out and celebrate.”

“Oh, yeah?” Robin asked, a devious smile on her lips as she rose. You couldn’t stop the jealousy beginning to surface. “You think we should invite the team?”

She was making you work for it, wasn’t she?

“Actually, I thought maybe you and I could—”

“Hey, Robin,” you said, directly in Beth’s line of sight now.

Beth gave you a look, clearly annoyed by your interruption.

Good.

“Hey,” Robin greeted. “What’s up?”

“You still need that ride?” you asked, clutching your pom poms tighter in your fists.

“I’d almost forgotten,” Robin replied smugly.

“Well, uh,” Beth said, taking a step closer to Robin. “I could always take her home after heading to Benny’s.”

“No, that’s alright,” you said curtly, faking a smile as you also took a step forward. “I think I’ve got it from here.”

You and Beth exchanged glances before her eyes widened, flickering between you and Robin who was only looking at you. Beth said nothing, opting instead to give you both a quick nod. But the clear disappointment on her face brought you more joy than you cared to admit.

“I’ll see you later, then,” she said. “Again, nice win, Buckley.”

Even as she walked away, Robin never broke eye contact. “Thanks, Beth,” she called out, a grin widening on her lips.

“Ready to go, mon chéri? I’m starving.”

Hook, line, and sinker.

And that’s how you ended up here, your legs draped over Robin’s shoulders as her tongue circles over your clit. One hand buried in her hair and the other clutching onto the chain link fence behind you. Her blue hues never leave your face, taking in each and every reaction she pulls from you.

“You know, you’re pretty cute when you’re jealous.” She grins, flicking the tip of her tongue over your swollen clit. Enjoying the way your body twitches with every motion.

“I wasn’t jealous.”

You breathlessly try to deny it, but you both know you’re lying. Once again letting your pride get in the way, prompting Robin to remove her tongue from your center.

“No— Robbie, please,” you whine as she pulls away fully, resting her cheek against your inner thigh as she continues to slowly thrust her fingers inside you.

She revels in the way your walls grip tightly around the digits, almost as if you’re trying to keep them trapped inside. And as much as she loves feeling you, she loves making you beg even more.

So she slips her fingers out of your dripping cunt completely. Standing up to hover over you as she brings them to your lips.

“Please what, princess?” she taunts, her fingers now slipping into your mouth. Your tongue eagerly swirling around the digits until they’re devoid of any trace of you.

Robin removes them just as fast, trailing the saliva-coated digits down your jaw until they wrap around the base of your throat. “Answer me,” her harsh tone only further dampening the area between your thighs.

“Please don’t stop,” you plead without hesitation, rocking your hips up against her thigh. A look of desperation flitting across your features as you clutch onto her shoulders.

“Aww, you wanna cum, pretty thing?” Her tone is laced with condescension, finding yourself nodding almost frantically as you gaze up at her.

“I don’t know, baby… you were pretty mean earlier.” She paused, a small pout forming on your lips as she traced over them with her thumb. “You think you deserve it?”

You nod as if on instinct, whining as she pulls away from you completely. Rising to her feet once again, grabbing your hands and pulling you up off the bench. Your breasts press together as she whispers softly in your ear, “Prove it to me, then.”

You eagerly reach for the buttons on her uniform, tugging the zipper down. Impatiently yanking her pants down over the curve of her ass as you take back control.

“Sit,” you demand, resting your hands on her shoulders. Coaxing her to take your previous position on the worn bench.

“So bossy,” she teases, gripping your hips as you swing your leg over her thigh.

Taking a seat as you slip your fingers past the elastic of her underwear, moaning at the wetness you find there.

“This all for me?” you muse, your thumb brushing over her bundle of nerves with ease now. Having become quite familiar with every inch of her body over the last three months.

“I mean… Beth was looking good tonight—”

You cut her off with your mouth before she has a chance to finish her sentence. That surge of jealousy coursing through your veins as you kiss her deeply.

“She can’t have you,” you mumble against her mouth, before taking her lower lip between your teeth and tugging. “You're all mine.”

Robin curses softly as you begin to grind your hips against her thigh, slipping two fingers into her awaiting heat. Pumping them in tandem with each rock of your hips, as she mewls against your mouth.

“Please.” Now she's the one doing the begging, despite your hips continuing to grind down against her thigh. The mixture of her saliva and your juices making a mess on her bare skin.

You giggle softly as you increase the pressure on her clit with your thumb, burying your fingers deeper inside her. “Say it again.” She moans as you attach your lips to the base of her throat.

The blonde tilts her head back to expose more of her neck as you greedily suck on her flushed skin. A feeling of pride washes over you as you leave blotches of red and purple in your wake.

“You’re mine, Robin.” Your tone is overly possessive, enjoying how her body trembles beneath you. Your words being the thing to finally send her over the edge as she pulls your face back up to crash her lips against yours.

Her fingers dig harshly into the skin of your hips, encouraging you to keep grinding on her thigh. Lifting her leg to increase the pressure on your core. “That’s it… such a good girl.”

She pulls back slightly to watch you with hooded eyes, lips lifting in a genuine smile.

“My good girl.”

Her words elicit a bigger response than either of you expected, your thighs tightening around her own as you loudly cry out her name. Her hands continue to guide you along her thigh, working you through each wave of euphoria that crashes over you.

You’re both panting as you begin to come down from your highs, nuzzling your face in the crook of her neck. “Wow,” you breathe out, lightly tracing over the darkening love bites on her neck.

“Jeez, I think the whole town heard you,” Robin teases, running her fingers along your back.

“Well,” you start, pulling back to look at her. “I’m just trying to congratulate my girl on her big win.”

“Your girl?” she teases.

You bite your lip, trying to hide your smile. “Mhm.”

“Admit it,” Robin says, lifting her eyebrows, eyes tracing the lines of your face. “You were jealous.”

“Maybe I was,” you finally admit, earning an amused smile from her. “But I don’t think I have to worry about anyone else.”

“No?”

“Mm-mm.”

You press a quick kiss to the corner of her mouth before standing, helping her to her feet. Leaning back against the fence as she wiggles her pants back up over her hips.

Robin is still fastening the buttons as you walk out onto the field. Her eyes follow your figure as you reach the pitcher's mound. A fond look falls over her features as your eyes flutter shut, letting the last glow of the setting sun soak into your pores.

Feeling the weight of her stare, you turn back around. Flashing her a beaming smile as she finally reaches you on the field.

“So… Benny’s?” you ask, twisting your skirt back into place. “I’m actually starving now.”

Robin looks at you in utter disbelief as she places her hat back on her head, the brim facing the opposite direction. “Wait, you’re serious? What if someone sees us together?”

You can’t stop the giggle that leaves you, now closing the few feet separating you from her. Cupping her face in between your palms as you press another kiss to her lips.

Right in the middle of the open field.

“I told you,” you say, louder this time. “Let them see us. I don’t give a fuck anymore.”

You slip your hand into hers, lacing your fingers as you begin leading her towards your car. A sight to see, her bat and glove in her unoccupied hand. Your pom-poms in yours.

“You were still an asshole earlier, you know that?” Robin says.

As you share a laugh, you swing your intertwined hands back-and-forth. You’re practically skipping as you pull her along, light-hearted and winded.

“And you ruined my sneakers,” you counter. “Are you gonna clean them for me?”

“Only if you’re good, mon chéri.”

“I think I can manage that,” you reply as you venture further into the twilight. “At least for a little bit.”

tagging some moots 💕

@xxbimbobunnyxx @babygorewhore @impmunson @voyeurmunson @eddiesxangel @taintedcigs @strangerstilinski

#the freak writes 🫧 #robin buckley x reader #robin buckley x you #robin buckley x female reader #robin buckley x y/n #robin buckley smut #robin buckley fanfic #robin buckley fic #softball player!robin buckley #robin buckley x cheerleader!reader

[heaven4lostgirls]

Can I request barty crouch jr x reader set in hogwarts where he's starting to lean more and more towards the dark lord and is getting closer to the kids of the current death eaters and they say he can't really be serious about the cause seeing as his girlfriend is a mudblood/half blood/blood traitor idk you pick? And so barty breaks up with you to prove that he's serious about following the dark lord. Lots of angst pls that is if you want to write this no pressure just thought I'd ask and see xx 💔

a/n: ty for the request i had loads of fun writing this!!

what about us?

barty crouch jr x reader

tags: angst, sad ending, breakup, character death

barty crouch junior, he was your everything. the air you breathed in on a summer morning and a warm sip of hot chocolate on a winters day. he made you the happiest you had ever been however you failed to figure out where you had gone wrong.

you and barty had never fought before and you didn’t seem to be having any troubles, of course the looming war was hanging over everyone’s head but barty and you had always assured each other that you would keep the other safe.

so why all of a sudden had he decided you weren’t worth the trouble? why did your blood status all of a sudden matter? he had never seen you as less than when you had first started dating but now it was like you were looking at a stranger.

this isn’t you barty.

his eyes were cold and distant but you could see somewhere underneath the swimming pools of chocolate there was a hint of pain.

why. why are you doing this.

you could feel the exact moment your heart fell to the pit of your stomach.

“barty..? what do you mean? i thought we were okay-“

he cuts you off suddenly and you can almost hear your heart break as the next words leave his mouth

“you’re a muggleborn y/n, you know the dark lord will not accept you, it’s just like lucius said-“

“lucius? since when did you start listening to that prick?!”

“SINCE HE WANTS ME TO GET THE MARK”

his voice his loud and cold. yours is soft and shaky

“w-what? we talked about this, i thought you didn’t want to fight? barty this isn’t you, please just listen to me-“

“stop y/n. your a mudblood. whatever we had? it’s over”

your heart breaks a little more, never once had barty ever used that word against you.

“this isn’t the barty i fell in love with, you’re a stranger to me.”

his ears start to ring, he didn’t want to do this, he can’t let you walk out of his life knowing that you hate him.

god, lucius really had brainwashed him. you’re right, this isn’t him but he doesn’t know what to do.

his eyes well up with tears and he can see through his blurry vision that your eyes soften as he shows an ounce of emotion.

“i’m sorry-“

“don’t. i don’t want to see you again bartemius.”

you walk away faster than his hand trying to grasp you can. he tries to follow but something stops him.

merlin, he fucked up.

on the 23rd of july 1978 you had walked out of barty’s life.

on the 6th of august 1979 you were killed by death eaters in your home alongside your entire family.

when barty heard the news he had broken down. his heart was torn out of his chest. he never meant for this to happen. he just wanted to keep you safe.

he had missed you ever minute of every day since you had left, he had written countless letters that he kept under his bed to send to you asking for forgiveness

now you would never get to read them.

the ring he had sworn he would give to you once the war was over would lay untouched.

his life ended the minute your families name hit the papers, and his heart turned cold the moment his only good left him forever

#juliwrites #harry potter #marauders #barty crouch junior #barty crouch jr angst #barty crouch jr x reader #bartemius crouch junior #bartemius crouch jr

[theesteemedladydebourgh]

hi hi! i got my shit together (theoretically), and TFTDC is returning for semi-regular updates this summer! 🥳 starting with chapter 8! 🧳🐺🦌🌼🌅🕰⚖️💘 (emojis in no particular order, though perhaps with some hints)

i embarked on a thorough reread of JHF and TFTDC last week, which made me realize 3 things: 

1. I can never read my own smut again. once it’s written down, it’s out of my hands and my eyes can never take it in ever.

2. Chapter 5 (March II: and we fall into each other) of TFTDC is by far my favorite chapter of the fic, and entirely responsible for re-igniting my passion for writing. 

3. i’ve missed this world and these characters, and there’s a whole new basket of mysteries, emotions, themes, and past issues 👀 to get into for the summer months of the fic. 

***little addendum on thematic pacing, because it just occurred to me that i should probably explain it lol. January-March II was thematically Act I of Part I of TFTDC, and April-May was Act II. (By Part I, I mean that in my head the fic is split into two halves). June starts off Part II of the fic, with Act I being the summer, June-August. And then theoretically September-December is Act II of Part II, but that has potential to change if I add anything new!

hopefully that made sense and wasn’t just vague rambling haha. the emotional arcs of this fic are extremely important to how it’s structured, because where Lily and James are emotionally is almost more important than the plot. and there are some fun arcs coming up!

i will be popping on and off of tumblr over the next week (and constantly tip-tapping away in my little writing cave), but i’m very happy and excited to get back into posting fic again, and especially to work on this story! 

xx ange 💕

P.S. if anyone wants to get in the mood for Chapter 8, I highly recommend the entirety of Luke Hemmings ‘When Facing the Things We Turn Away From’! perfect James-headspace for this one 😌

#the first time divorcees club #updates about updates #SHES BACK YALL #tftdc #jily #fic #james potter #lily evans

[9w1ft]

so many signs

so i had this thing in the back of my mind that i wanted to share a little bit about, because i think it’s highlights a little bit of karlie’s easter egging prowess

so as many of you know, i have had a certain piece of jewelry identification that’s been top of mind for awhile. a mysterious (and hilarious) evil eye necklace that karlie first wore on her birthday last year, august 3rd, 2022:

it took a long while to identify but with the help of @kwyw and @corneliastvendor and input from many more, we diligently settled upon a match with the brand Mejuri.

so

…i dunno if you remember, but back at the beginning of the year @kwyw also pointed out that there was an extra connection, between this evil eye necklace and the amulette de cartier:

both talismans of Courage.

the amulette de cartier has its own place in kaylor lore (if it’s new to you you can read about that here and here and here). but, veterans of quarantine kaylor remember how this rep era necklace made a unique surprise appearance during lover/folklore era, ultimately coinciding with karlie’s 2020 pregnancy. which, given the symbolism of the necklace, i think made a lot of thematic sense… being pregnant during the height of a pandemic is scary and, speaking from experience, i as well found myself in search of things to give me that extra peace of mind.

so seeing the necklace have that Courage keyword connection, i couldn’t help but uhhh, have a feeling so peculiar. now, with the gift of more (celebratory) information, let’s take a look at all the times karlie has worn this necklace (*reminder that some of these may be a day off because of the big time zone difference between me and the US):

August 3rd, 2022 — (as pictured above) karlie’s birthday, she writes “cheers to new beginnings xx”

September 2nd, 2022 — this therabody promo, which many of us got a kick out of after midnights was announced, first because she mentions 3am (the name of the extra version of the album) and the word midnight and second because this tiktok is set to the tune of ABBA’s “Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! A Man After Midnight”

November 19th, 2022 — a post captioned friyay, notably, wearing a loewe shirt, the designer who she wore to the met gala

December 11th, 2022 — to a celebratory kode with klossy event for her young scholars

December 13th, 2022 — she wore it as part of several instagram stories she had up on taylor’s bday (thank you @kwyw for the reminder 😆)

December 18th, 2022 — she posted this the same day she posted the photos of her josh and levi at the ice skating rink (mikey and misha were there too) before heading to japan.

February 3rd, 2023 — february.jpg

and then, at the met gala on May 1st, wearing loewe, she announces her pregnancy, and tells everybody that she is nearly 8 months along!

now, if we are to assume that she is 8 months along this may, we can count back ( 7mo along in april, 6mo march, 5mo feb, 4mo jan, 3mo dec, 2mo nov, 1mo along in oct, 0mo sept) and see how in order to have conceived in september, prep for that would likely have started in… yes, the month before. august! aka… when she first debuted the evil eye necklace!

and when you look back at all the phrases and contexts accompanying her posts with the piece, you can kind of see how the necklace works in concert with her setting her intentions, potentially celebrating milestones like finding out, telling people, hitting the 5 mo mark which is when the majority of pregnancies become more stable, etc… this is all to say, and this is just a simple thing but, i feel confident in saying that this necklace was in fact one way of her hinting at her next child, since all the way back in august 2022 ☺️ and since it’s an eye necklace? well, 😌 all the more nice of a feeling.

#evil eye #all eyes on us #jewelry

[sunflovverharry]

Nightcap - Harry Styles one shot

a/n: hello again I'm back with another one shot and this time it's bouncer!h which I'm so excited for!! I wasn't going to post this yet, but seeing as I won't get the next chapter of my fwb series out tomorrow I thought I'd give you this :)) If you like it, please like and reblog and also message me if you want to talk about bouncer!h or any of my other fics, enjoy xx (also I had no idea what to call this fic so ended up with nightcap but i don’t think i like it)

Pairing: Bouncer!h + y/n

Warnings: Language, alcohol, smut, mutual pining

Word count: 6k

Summer was over and junior year was right around the corner. Starting it off with a bang, y/n and her friends decided to go to Mike’s after pre-gaming, ending up pretty tipsy before heading out. The line wasn’t too bad, but it was clear a lot of college kids coming back this weekend had the same idea as you had. It was still warm outside and y/n had her favorite leather skirt on (knowing she’d regret the decision when she’s sweating on the dancefloor) and an off the shoulder ruffled white top. Thankfully she went with a pair of comfortable but trendy sneakers knowing she would most likely end up walking home after dancing the night away.

The group found themselves at the front of the line after only five minutes and y/n flicked through her little purse hanging off her shoulder to find her ID. When she found it her eyes went straight to the bouncer standing in a pair of tight black jeans and a t-shirt with the bar’s logo to the right along with a flashlight in his hand so he would be able to see the ID’s easier. His face wasn’t clear to see from the way he was looking down at someone else’s ID, but she could tell his face was clean from any stubble. She didn’t know how old - or young - he was, but nevertheless she was attracted to him.

When the person in front of her got checked y/n was already raising her hand to hand him her ID. It didn’t seem as if he’d noticed her in the line as his brows raised slightly before he caught himself and showed her a tight-lipped smile. He quickly took a look at the ID in hand before handing it back and letting her pass him with another small smile. No words exchanged between the two except the handful of shy, awkward smiles. Y/n had heard him say ‘thank you’ or ‘next’ so she took it that he was a bit too shy to get words out in case he’d fuck up before he could actually do something - just like her.

Y/n hadn’t managed to get him off her mind for the remainder of the night, continuously sneaking looks behind her to see if he was walking past or standing in the doorway. More often than not she couldn’t get a glance of him before he walked outside again to handle the line of people wanting to get inside before they close just to grab a beer or a couple shots before going home to someone for an afterparty.

Harry had himself been darting his eyes to where she had been sitting most of the night whenever he went to the toilet or changed assignments with other bouncers to check on how it’s going inside. Before she could catch him in his staring - caring more about making sure her silhouette will stick to his mind than kicking out the overly drunk people - he turned around to hide behind a wall or go outside again. He didn’t have the confidence to know she was looking back or to do anything about it if she caught him, instead wanting to hide from it - her.

The night was over for y/n around two in the morning, wanting nothing more than to go home and heat up the leftover pizza from her dinner and jump in the shower to wash off the sweat she’d worked up to while dancing. What happened wasn’t much different from her wishes, except for what happened in the shower. She was unable to get the bouncer off her mind, replaying her thoughts of how good he looked when she first saw him at the front of the line along with the smile he gave her. It led to her bringing her favorite dildo with a suction cup in the shower, attaching it to the wall so she could pretend she was getting pounded from the back - by the bouncer.

A month later Mike’s was the regular spot for y/n and her friends on every Tuesday - since there were no classes on Wednesdays - and Saturday - the usual party night. Harry worked almost every time they were there and after the third time of checking y/n’s ID he now let her walk straight inside the bar - her friends still had to show their ID though. He always gave her a smile while showing her she could go inside by moving his arm towards the door - y/n always saying a small ‘thank you’ with her smile getting bigger for every time he led her inside.

She badly wanted to catch his attention and get a conversation started, though not having a clue what to even say, ‘Hi, would you wanna go home with me?’. It would not only be embarrassing for her if she got turned down, but she also wouldn’t be able to show her face at Mike’s again. Maybe it’s a good thing she hasn’t made contact, not knowing how he is. Yes, she’d love a fuck, but not from a fuckboy who gets around with a different girl every weekend.

Weeks later October was in full swing and y/n was getting frustrated with how she and the bouncer - who she now knows as Harry after finally getting the courage to ask him what his name was just last week after downing a good couple vodka redbulls - still hadn’t gotten anywhere. Not that she knows he wants the same as her at all, but with how they act towards each other - smiles that have escalated to smirks and grins over time, small hi’s and how are you’s when they walk past each other during the night.

The third Tuesday of the month y/n was at the bar like usual with her friends. She had gone to the bar to order another beer and Harry slowly walked over when he saw her standing alone, wanting to spike a conversation though unsure of what he’d actually say. In his mind she was out of his league - a gorgeous figure with hips even he was jealous of, a university student (he’d figured out when she accidentally showed him her uni ID instead of her license the second time she went there), a tight knit group of friends she seemed close with and the most alluring and seductive shiny blue eyes he’s ever seen.

She didn’t seem like the type to be interested in a twenty-five year old bouncer who still doesn’t quite know what to actually do with his degree and lives in his parents basement. It’s not like he’s never moved out, but after a year out of uni and still not happy with his choice in career, he decided it was best to move back home and get a job there while figuring his life out. After three years he still isn’t sure where his life is taking him, but he’s sure it could be a lot worse.

Y/n noticed him creeping up beside her in the corner of her eye and thought this might be the one chance she had to get to know him and had to let go of her own insecurities about him not actually being interested. He’s been avoiding her it seems like for the past two months, only opening up the tiniest bit since the first small smile she got that august night so she wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t want to get to know her, or fuck - which to be honest was most of what she was interested in.

“Hi stranger.” She was hoping for a smile back at least - maybe more if he felt courageous - but something in her told her she’d get more. Only a second later she got her answer.

“I guess we are strangers, with the exception that I know your birthday.” He saw the clear surprise on her face; was it from him replying in a full sentence or him remembering her birthday after only looking at her ID not even a handful of times? He wasn’t sure. Letting out a silent laugh before letting go of the shock of his sort of joke she took a sip of her beer as she pondered how she could respond with the hint that she wanted to get to know him a little bit at least.

“You want to grab a beer with me when your shift is over? We can play truth or truth.” She didn’t know how he’d react to her wanting to talk to him on what might seem a personal level. Hopefully he’d accept the offer and tell her he’d be back soon.

“Sure. If you want to meet here again in twenty I should be off the clock.” His smile was encouraging and it excited you that the first step was taken. If he only wanted their maybe coming relationship to be friendly then she’d deal, but there is no way she would be the one to turn him down.

Y/n nodded. They stared at each other intensely for a long time, their eyes locking and smiles couldn’t be fought off their faces as he started walking backwards until he finally broke contact and turned around going back to work. She was thrilled to have finally made contact, unsure of who to say took the first step really and eager to see him in a casual way when he’s not working, though they’re still at the place he works. Surely everyone knows him here and that made her sort of intimidated. They couldn’t run off or be completely alone because there would always be someone keeping their eye on him - other bouncers or bartenders.

Her friends had decided to call it a night only a couple minutes before she were to meet Harry again, so she found a stool at the bar and ordered two beers for them to indulge when he got back. The beers were sat in front of her only seconds before Harry made himself known with a soft hand to her shoulder. Turning around to get a look at who touched her, she was pleasantly surprised - Harry stood in his work clothes still and she didn’t quite know if she liked it or if she had hoped he’d wear something else. She was glad his arms were showing still, the tattoos a major part of what had her attracted to him in the first place.

From the moment Harry got a beer in him he seemed more relaxed and she even managed to get a boisterous laughter out of him once when she told him about a childhood story. Y/n found that his personality made her more attracted and interested in who this man was, hoping for a ‘yes’ when she asked if he’d like to come home with her.

She hadn’t had sex in a long time, knowing it would be useless when she wasn’t attracted to anyone. They wouldn’t make her cum and she would end up having to fake it. After a couple of times it got old and she figured making herself cum was fine until she found someone she liked. Harry was much like y/n in that aspect, though his last time wasn’t as long ago - more like a month compared to y/n’s eight. Neither spoke about it on the short walk home, their fingers connected as if they were a couple who had been on a date that went a little too far into the night. She told him her apartment might be a little messy as she hadn’t found a good outfit right away - to which Harry retaliates with a ‘you’ve looked amazing every time I’ve seen you at the bar’.

They hadn’t actually spent more than five minutes at the bar - enough to finish their beers - before heading out. It was clear they had the same intentions from when he said yes to coming home with her at three in the morning to when he connected their lips right as he heard the front door shut. Y/n couldn’t help but moan at the impact of her back hitting the door and his lips working hers with a fervor she’d never experienced before.

If the way his lips worked and his hands groped just the right places had anything to say for how he’d work in the bed, she wouldn’t have any complaints. Heavy breathing and moans from the both of them were loud before they got to her bed, laying her down beneath him and pulling her jeans down her legs while she pulled his shirt off him. They didn’t spend much time getting to know each other's bodies, but enough to figure out what the other liked and disliked. Harry found the spot between her neck and ear she mewled from when he kissed and y/n; the spot right beneath the laurels tattooed on his skin he shuddered from when she lightly grazed before reaching further down.

When he finally slid into her she arched her back and he closed his eyes trying to keep from busting already. It was quick and hasty and intense but they silently agreed that it was incredible and when they both came and it was over round two and three weren’t far between. There was no question of staying the night, y/n only lifting the sheets up and dragging him with her.

Y/n woke up to an empty bed - there was no Harry beside her or holding her like he had been when they fell asleep early in the morning. If this was a romance novel there might’ve been a note saying sorry for leaving her on ther fridge or something along those lines, but there was nothing. Almost like he wanted to forget it happened, but she couldn’t know what went through his mind at the time. It wasn’t like she could be angry or upset by him leaving without word either, not knowing him too well or having any relation to him except knowing him as a bouncer at her favorite bar.

Though what Harry did was a dick move, she didn’t want to tell anyone about their night (or morning), it was her memory to have alone. Part of it was because she knew they’d all see him again and there was no reason for her friends - or her - to be malicious towards him. From the small conversations she’s had with him and how shy he originally was, there is no way he had intentions to make her feel small. Or he put on a front for her to make her think he’s a good guy.

Y/n soon finds out there’s no reason to dwell on the subject, instead putting her head in a book to give herself away to a fantasy world where everything seems to be a little too perfect for her liking. Sure, she enjoys reading about a perfect world, but in the end she could never imagine it being her life. With her over-the-top parents and siblings that she barely speaks to; she’s glad she’s made it to university where she can care for herself only (and her friends, but mainly herself).

****

After two weeks away from Mike’s, y/n is back with her friends, ready to get so far gone she won’t remember how she got home. Yes, it’s been one of those weeks for her - absolutely awful with a breakdown over midterms at least once every day. Already having had a few beers at home, she was starting to feel it when they got to the line. She wasn’t trying to look for if Harry was standing at the front checking ID’s like she normally would do. Tonight was about letting loose and having fun with her friends - if Harry wanted to talk he could initiate it.

Harry wasn’t at the front of the line ready to let her through without seeing her ID, just like every other time, this time it was someone new who looked at every single ID for a little longer than necessary y/n thought. Finally getting inside the bar, they grabbed the closest table to the bar that wasn’t already occupied.

Our first round of drinks that consisted of cocktails, beers and shots for everyone was quickly over. Most of them downed the shot before our drink of choice wanting to get smashed as quickly as possible making the night end rather quickly (with some of the group getting kicked out most likely). The group weren’t known to get kicked out, but when they had the mindset of getting absolutely plastered it was definitely happening. Y/n hoped Harry wouldn’t see it if it ended up being her getting told to leave - if he was there that is.

Hours later the clock had barely hit midnight and y/n had taken one shot too much for her to be sane any longer. Her thoughts of leaving Harry alone and making him be the one to contact her if he wanted went out the window and she was on a mission to get him alone - mostly to ask if he’d wanna come home with her again because she was horny. In times where she was this horny there was no way she wouldn’t do anything about it, either finding a man to satisfy her (which seldom happened) or getting her toys out to make her come (which always worked).

She had seen Harry doing his round to check if anyone needed a talking to or get kicked out not too long ago and she hoped he was still walking the floor as it’s much harder to get him to herself if he’s checking ID’s. She pretended to walk towards the toilets but her eyes didn’t stop flickering about to see if Harry was in sight hoping to catch his curls above everyone dancing.

If she’s being honest, it wasn’t hard noticing him - hands in his pockets and brows furrowed in concentration to see if everyone is still doing alright - standing by the lower left corner, only a few meters from the toilets. She walked toward him with determination and it was easy doing so because he hadn’t noticed her yet and it was clear her liquid courage was helping some.

“So.. were you going to talk to me?” Harry only noticed her when she started talking, way too distracted by looking at the people on the dancefloor. It didn’t necessarily surprise him that she took initiative to talk to him and to be quite frank, he wasn’t sure he had the nerve to start up a conversation with her. Of course, he wanted to talk to her to explain why he left her the morning after they had sex, but after she didn’t show up at the club for two weeks he thought she was angry with him. Maybe she still is and he is not one for confrontation.

“I was going to, but then you didn’t show up here for a while so I thought you didn’t want to talk.” He forced his eyes to stay on hers while waiting for her to say something. It was nerve wracking, but if they were to continue bumping into each other at the club he didn’t want there to be any conflict between them - no matter how big or small it is.

“I’m not mad, just wanted to get everything out in the open I guess. I mean, I get that we were just hooking up, trust me I’m not looking to date you, but it’d be nice to have some mutual agreement even if it was a one time thing or if it happens again - which I won’t be opposed to if I’m honest.” The wicked smile on her lips told him she was thinking back to that night just over two weeks ago where their bodies touched and longed for the others. It was a good fuck, he admits as he, too, thought back to their night spent together in her bed.

“Okay. If you want to wait until I’m done at around two we can do a repeat of it?” The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them, eyes widening at the forwardness he usually doesn’t have (especially not with pretty girls). Y/n only nods his way before leaving him alone to grab another drink with her friends. He had a hope that she wouldn’t drink too much so she would still be able to go through with their unspoken plans for the night.

Harry was holding y/n up by her thighs, fucking into her against the wall in her living room. She wasn’t holding back letting him know how much she liked what he was doing and it wouldn’t surprise her if the moans and high pitched sounds she was making could be heard outside her apartment. In the moment she didn’t exactly care about letting people know she was having the time of her life; getting fucked by someone she was attracted to and who was - in some insane way - better than her dildo. That much was clear after the first night they shared together and she could only hope he had the same thoughts about her.

They had left the bar hours ago heading straight to her apartment. Clothes were tugged off and strewn across the floor and their naked bodies worked perfectly together to please the other. It was as if they were made to please each other, Harry knowing exactly what to do to make her feel good and he wasn’t afraid of asking what she wanted or needed. Y/n was (in Harry’s eyes) an expert on giving blowjobs - sucking him off like she could read his mind thinking about everything he liked. Her tongue skillfully dragged downwards on his cock to suck his balls while her hand continued its motion up and down, her thumb circling on his head. He was in heaven and had to pull her off before he’d shoot his load in her mouth before he could get a taste of her.

Over the next two months they continued hooking up - usually after Harry ended his shifts at the bar and y/n was more than ready to get out. Her friends knew something was up between them after the third time not leaving when they left. The fact that she was eyeing him every time he passed them was a dead giveaway, too, as she isn’t normally one to give guys ‘the eye’. They hadn’t brought it up or told her they knew after Caleb caught them making out in one of the back corners. Though Harry was embarrassed to have been caught doing something he probably shouldn’t have been doing while at work, Caleb only laughed and whipped around to walk back to their group. Y/n had told him it was fine and they wouldn’t care, but he quite clearly noticed the whole group would stare at him when he was close over the next few weeks. It was uncomfortable for him, but he came to terms with it knowing what they were actually doing was private and between only the two of them.

They had gotten to know each others bodies - what they respond to and how to tell they’re about to cum - over the time they spent together. Though they never extended their time with each other, always keeping it to going home - mostly to y/n’s place except if Harry’s parents are gone - and fucking. If it’s only one round or the whole night depended on if they were doing things the next day, but there had only been a handful of times they kept to one round. One of them always managed to keep the other going for at least another round which then turns into hours of them enjoying each other.

Y/n was asleep when Harry called her; his shift at Mike’s was over and he wanted nothing more than to see y/n. He knew she wasn’t at the bar as he would’ve seen her either in line or inside, probably trying to sneak off somewhere secluded to make out during his break. It had become a regular thing for them to sneak off suddenly, her friends understanding she was with Harry if they couldn’t see her. Y/n felt as if there were magnets pulling them together, not able to withstand the urge to be with him. She never thought of it to be anything more than what it is - he is the best she’s had and she doesn’t want to let go of it any time soon.

Harry on the other hand was starting to think what if there is a reason behind them not being able to keep away from each other for more than a couple of days? Christmas break was just around the corner and he knew y/n would be gone for almost a month and he wanted to see her as much as time allowed them to before she left to go to the other side of the country. He knew time would pass slowly when he had two weeks off work and she was gone. Sure, spending time with his family and friends is nice and all, but to be quite frank he’d rather spend it in bed with y/n.

When y/n finally answered her phone Harry didn’t even give her time to say hello before asking if he could come over to which she of course said yes. He always wonders if his parents notice him not coming home from work until early morning or after breakfast. He’s sure they do because his car isn’t in the driveway and they’ve told  him they hear when he opens and locks the door at night. Right now though, he couldn’t care less about his parents having questions, all he wanted was to bury himself in y/n making her moan out in ecstasy.

Y/n will be the first to admit that he did just that. He had her writhing beneath him, shaking from the multiple orgasms he gave her, screaming so loud the neighbors might be worried for her safety and the smile so wide on her lips didn’t fall once. She was happy to let him take her for the rest of the night into the morning, hopefully leaving giving a smack to her ass just like she enjoys in the bed. Harry knew this and whenever she wanted him to give it to her on her stomach he smacked her asscheeks till they turned red and his handprints were visible. It wasn’t unknown between the two that he reveled in it, too, saving the image for whenever he couldn’t have her and had to revert to his hand.

“I want you to cum on my ass, please.” Y/n was as carefree in bed as she was out, never scared to tell him what she needed or ask him to change it up. Harry on the other hand, was still holding back a bit, the introvert in him hesitant to do anything in case he would mess something up. Y/n could tell he was coming out of his shell more as time went on and they continued hooking up, sometimes taking the reins and telling her exactly what he wanted or needed to get off. She remembered one specific time she gave him a blowjob he voiced his needs and she grinned at him so wide until he came in her mouth - You’re going to keep your hands behind your back until I’m close and then you’re going to swallow my cum.

Harry didn’t hesitate to pull out and have her turn around to lay on her stomach, she bucked her hips up against his cock in anticipation for what he’d do. She knew he loved her ass, always grabbing onto it when they were making out, she was riding him, or when she was on her stomach for him. His hands found their way to her cheeks, grabbing one in each hand and spreading them to ease into her.

It was six-thirty in the morning and it didn’t surprise them that they had been fucking on and off for almost four hours as it happened most times they met. Maybe they should be worried they’re fucking too much and becoming addicted to each other, but honestly Harry thinks that ship has sailed a long time ago. He was addicted to her but there is no way he’d ever tell y/n.

****

A month later and Christmas break was coming to an end. Y/n had spent most of her time away thinking about Harry. It had been lonesome without him. She was used to seeing him a couple days a week at least and now they hadn’t spoken a word to each other over the break. Really, it wasn’t that weird, because they never texted or called about anything except if Harry’s working or if he could come over. It was quite clear they weren’t friends as they didn’t know anything except surface things about each other. Y/n thinks maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if they did become friends..

Harry himself had tried his hardest to keep y/n out of his head, only ending up with a hard on whenever he thought of her too long and having to leave the party to take care of himself. It was almost embarrassing having a crush on someone who continuously made him feel like a boy in middle school by getting boners whenever he couldn’t keep her out of his mind. He would never tell anyone about what they had been doing for the last few months, too shy to even talk about his sex life with his friends, but if this is how it’s going to continue he needs to at least grow some balls and talk to y/n.

Sure, he wasn’t opposed to continuing hooking up with her without talking about his possible feelings, but in the long run he knew it’d only hurt him more than making him happy. Even just hanging out without doing anything sexual would please him, getting to know her on a friendly level. Staying the night and being able to pull her closer to him and place a kiss on her temple before falling asleep spooning after fucking her raw would make him feel better about it than what they’re doing now - sleeping on opposite sides of the bed pretending to not know the other is there.

He’s been thinking that he’s using y/n for what she seems so happy to give him, but it has to be like that for her as well, he thought. She has to know they’ve been using each other and there might be a chance it would lead to something more for at least one of them, if not both, but Harry doesn’t want to be miserable if she doesn’t reciprocate his thoughts or feelings. Deciding it’s not worth dwelling over without talking to her first, he gets in his car and drives over to her place knowing she had come home earlier that day.

He stood outside her apartment door for some minutes to collect himself and know that being honest with her is what’s best for the both of them even if it goes sideways. The fact he was about to see her - and possibly fuck her - again after a month of nothing was also nerve-wracking.

There was no better time than the present and y/n opened the door only seconds after Harry knocked. With a lovely smile on her face and glowing eyes, it looked like she had needed the time away to relax and get back into her groove before the new semester. He couldn’t help but smile back, thinking about how he doesn’t ever want her smile to fade.

It didn’t surprise him that when he got inside and closed the door behind him she pulled him in for a kiss, already clawing at his jacket to get it off. Of course, Harry wanted nothing more than to give in to her lips and soft hands and continue until all their clothes were off and he could see the naked body he’d been dreaming about, but he had to talk to her first. He pushed her hands off of him and moved to create the smallest bit of space, not wanting her to think something’s wrong.

“Sorry.. I just have something to get off my chest if that’s alright?” Harry’s heart was beating a million miles an hour and y/n’s wasn’t far from that either. Immediately she came to the conclusion that he didn’t want to hook up anymore and she wouldn’t have the chance to get to know him like she decided she wanted to while she was away. It’s obvious they couldn’t keep playing games for forever, but she liked what they had going on - though she imagines she wouldn’t hate it if they were more than acquaintances. Hanging out a little longer, getting to know each other - more than knowing their favorite positions at least - and cuddling before going to bed. It didn’t sound awful.

“I’ve missed you over the past month, y/n.” She looked up at him, not meeting his eyes as they were fleeting all over the place not knowing where to place them. He certainly wasn’t confident enough in himself to place his eyes on hers, though he saw her wanting them to meet so she could be sure he wasn’t speaking nonsense. “You know I’m not good at speaking up, but I couldn’t keep this to myself as it concerns you as well. It’s alright if you don’t want to grow our acquaintanceship, but please don’t string me along.”

There was clear vulnerability in his quavering voice and y/n found it admirable how Harry had the courage to talk to her about his feelings, unlike her who was planning on keeping her thoughts to herself, for the time being at least. Now though, there is nothing keeping her from letting him know how she couldn’t want anything more than to advance their relationship to something more to see how compatible they are. They barely know each other and it might be a miss, but they owe it to themselves to at least try.

As Harry still wasn’t looking at her, he couldn’t see the smile getting wider by time. Y/n brought her hand up to his chin to guide his head in her direction. Closing the space between them, she put her lips on his, placing a delicate kiss on his lips - quite unlike the kisses they normally share.

“I missed you too, Harry.” He enclosed his arms around her waist, bringing her as close to him as he could without squeezing her too hard. She heard him sigh into her neck, content with how the conversation went, she presumed.

For the rest of the evening, they laid in her bed talking and getting to know each other, in more ways than one. It was intimate - like nothing Harry had ever experienced before - and when night came there was no way they would separate. Though y/n still had a week left before college started up again, Harry had work and it was clear they wouldn’t be able to spend that much time together. Tonight was their only night together before it was time to get back to reality, which is why she decided to go home with Harry. She’d only been there a handful of times over the course of their months hooking up, mostly because he didn’t want his parents to get in his business. It didn’t really matter this time, only caring about spending time together.

****

Hope you enjoyed my take on bouncer!h and I’d appreciate it if you reblogged to get my writing out <3

Last fic: FWB series chapter 1, chapter 2

#harry styles fic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fluff #harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles smut #harry styles angst #harry styles ff #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fiction #harry styles writing #harry styles x reader #harry styles x oc #harry styles x y/n #writing

[holidaywishes]

It Had To Be You XXXVIII

Chapter Thirty Eight: Sad Song

  Summary: Fast forward six months and the new Preseason is just about to start. After a rough playoff loss, Tyler wants this season to be better and he has some ideas on how to make everything go smoothly.

  Warning: I guess because this song is so cheesy and sweet, there’s going to be a lot of fluff in this chapter, this one’s also got a few time jumps as well.

  Author’s Note: I don’t really know where I’m going with this series anymore. I think I’m trying to stretch it out to 50 chapters but it all depends on how I’m feeling obviously. Just know that I have a thing with odd numbers. That is to say, I will only end on an even number or a multiple of 5 (45, 50, 55, etc.) But this one will be another short chapter (and I’ll admit this is really not my favourite) but I’ll probably put two out back to back since I have something in my head and I’m literally not doing anything else, so why not? Anyway, I hope you like whatever comes from the rest of this series, ENJOY!

  P.S. This chapter took a little longer than I thought it would but I have some clearer ideas of what the next like four-ish chapters are going to be so that’s exciting.

  P.P.S. I wanted to update the timeline because this chapter has a lot of time jumps as did the last chapter. So here’s a quick recap of the whole series:

  Part I: September 2013

  Part II: November 2013

  Part III: January 2015

  Parts IV and V: May-June 2015

  Part VI: June 2015/January 2016

  Part VII: January 2016/June 2016/November 2016

  Part VIII: November 2016

  Part IX: December 2016

  Part X: January 2017

  Part XI: February-August 2017

  Part XII: September-November 2017

  Part XIII: mid-November-December 2017

  Part XIV: January-February 2018

  Part XV: March-April 2018

  Part XVI: April-June 2018

  Part XVII: July 2018

  Part XVIII: July-November 2018

  Parts XIX, XX and XXI: December 2018

  Parts XXII: December-January 2019

  Part XXIII, XXIV, XXV and XXVI: January 2019

  Part XXVII: late January-March 2019

  Parts XXVIII and XXIX: March 2019

  Part XXX: late-March/April-May 2019

  Part XXXI: May-November 2019

  Part XXXII: January 2020

  Part XXXIII: late January 2020

  Parts XXXIV and XXXV: August 2020

  Part XXXVI: October-Early November 2020

  Part XXXVII: March 2021

  Part XXXVIII (this chapter): July/September 2021/January 2022 (yup I did that)

  Song Credit: Sad Song -- We the Kings & Elena Coats

  masterlist

  the other masterlist

xx

  After the whole quarantine last year, and the season being cancelled, Tyler wanted the next to be better but after being knocked out in the first round he wasn’t in the best mood for a few months. He spent every waking minute training during the summer, except for his seemingly annual trip to the Bahama’s with the guys.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to come?” he asked when you said you’d stay behind and watch the dogs

  “I’ve gotta work,” you replied, pushing yourself up to wrap your arms around his neck and press your lips to his, “plus, I think you need some time with your boys to let loose. As long as you don’t let loose too much...”

  “Don’t worry, babe,” he replied, pecking your lips between words, “we’ll really just be playing a lot of golf. You know how it goes..” You sent him off with one last kiss and sent him an ‘I love you’ text before he got on the plane. You felt completely secure with Tyler lately but maybe that had to do with the fact that two of you had survived four months in self-isolation together. Whatever it was, you weren’t nervous about spending a week away from each other.

xx

  Tyler’s week away proved to be just what he needed to get his spirits up but as soon as he was back in Dallas, the two of you decided to head up to Brampton to see his family but it was over just as quickly as it began and it was time for the preseason to start. It was a pretty easy start to the season with the Stars winning 7 of their 8 preseason games which left Tyler with a huge grin on his face and he told you he was very positive for the rest of the city.

  “I have a good feeling about this season, you know?” he said, rinsing the dishes as you washed down the counter, “I feel like this could be our year.”

  “I think you guys are looking good out there but--” Tyler put his finger in front of your mouth to stop you from continuing

  “Don’t jinx it. We’re looking good and we’ll continue to look good because we’re in this for the long run.” He said, raising his eyebrows intensely so you got his point and you just smiled before nodding and walking away. You were happy he was so confident about the season especially after everything that happened and seeing him so excited made you excited for the season.

  “Hey, Ty,” you called from the couch, “you’re turning 30 in January. How do you want to celebrate?”

  “That’s a while from now, I haven’t thought about it..”

  “Well think about it!” you laughed, “I know the season will be like in ‘full swing’ or whatever, but maybe we can do something during Bye Week? It’s a big year you know?”

  “Yeah, another year older..” he sighed and slumped next to you on the couch, “I’m getting to be an oldie. I’ll be vintage soon...”

  “Oh stop,” you nudged, “vintage? I have a hard time thinking you’ll ever be vintage. It’s just a birthday. If you don’t want to celebrate it, we don’t have to. But I’ll have you know, men get sexier as they age.” you said, moving towards him to kiss his neck, “It’s actually very annoying.” He kissed you back

  “I’ll think about it,” he smiled and you tucked yourself into his side, “but for right now, let’s figure out something to watch.” As the two of you settled in and started some action movie you were sure you wouldn’t pay attention to, you caught yourself looking up at Tyler for the billionth time, “what?” he laughed

  “What?” you responded

  “I can feel you staring at me,” he continued, still not returning your gaze, “do I have something on my face?”

  “No,” you smiled, “I just like looking at you.” When he finally looked at you, your stomach filled with butterflies and you felt the need to bury your head in his chest; looking back up at him just in time to see his smile stretch across his face.

  “I like looking at you too.” He said, leaning his head down to capture your lips in a soft kiss. You reveled in it for a minute before finally saying anything

  “I’ll never get tired of that” you giggled and he smiled against your lips before continuing to kiss you.

xx

Tyler’s P.O.V

  You hated that you couldn’t be with (Y/N) and the dogs on your birthday again this year, especially because things seemed to be going so well, so you figured out a way for her to be with you in

  “Boston?” she said, a hint of confusion in her voice over the phone

  “That’s where we’ll be on my birthday,” you replied, “there are some great spots though.”

  “I went once,” she said, nonchalantly, “it was beautiful. But I mean.. Bruins fans run rampant” she laughed and you knew then that she would meet you there.

  “So you’ll be there?” you asked

  “If I get to see you, I’ll be wherever you ask.” You could hear her smile over the phone and your smile grew in return

  “Good,” you laughed, “I’ll see you in a couple days. Love you”

  “Love you, too.” You ended the call only to turn around to your teammates waiting to chirp you

  “Ooooh, Tyler and (Y/N) sittin’ in a tree,” they started, “k-i-s-s-i-n-g, first comes love, then comes marr--”

  “Alright, alright. That’s enough guys.” They laughed and you smiled as you found your way back to your seat beside Rads and Jamie.

  “She’s coming to spend your birthday with you? That’s sweet” Jamie said

  “Well...” you hesitated, “I’m thinking of proposing to her!”

  “On your birthday?” Jamie asked and Rads gave you a sideways glance

  “Yeah...” you answered, “I mean we’ll already be out to dinner and I love her, so..”

  “You think you’re ready?” Rads asked and you took a second to answer

  “Yeah”

  “What if she says no? Then your birthday is like forever tainted by that” Jamie challenged

  “It’s still my birthday, it won’t be tainted. Forever.”

  “She’s a great girl and you seem really happy with her,” Rads interrupted, “I like her and I like her for you. But just make sure, if you feel weird about it, don’t do it.” You took a second to think about what he was saying but you couldn’t stop thinking about how she’d be in that moment and what the rest of your life would look like with her.

 “Thanks Rads,” you finally said, “it’s alright though. I want her in my lie forever. I can’t imagine a day without her there.”

xx

  You showed up at the Boston airport and waited for instructions from Tyler when he sent you a text with directions to his hotel

  “Am I suppose to get my own room or find my way to yours?” you replied as you got into the cab and told the driver the address

  “Don’t worry, I got you a room but it’s close to mine” he said

  “Sounds good, it’s under my name?”

  “Yes. I’m heading to practice, so I won’t be there when you check in but I’ll call you when I’m out. I made reservations at 6 so you’ll have to be ready”

  “What kind of place is it? What if I didn’t pack anything fancy?”

  “I have something for you. I’m always prepared”

  “Well you’re lucky. I figured you might do something like this so I brought a dress”

  “Thinking ahead, I like it” he joked and you rolled your eyes

  “I have to or you’ll get me something wayyyy too revealing”

  “The amount of revealing it would be is debatable.” You let him go after that by sending him an eye roll GIF and he sent back a laughing emoji. A couple hours later, you started getting ready for whatever Tyler had planned, deciding whether you should curl or straighten your hair when he called you

  “Hey babe,” he said happily, “you almost ready? I’m just about to jump in the shower so I wanted to check in”

  “I’m almost ready. I’ll be ready by the time you’re out of the shower so I could meet you in yo-”

  “NO” he blurted out, “I want to pick you up.”

  “Fine,” you laughed, “I’ll be ready soon. Go take your shower, I love you.”

xx

Tyler’s P.O.V.

  You finished getting ready, making sure to do a quick pep talk to yourself in the mirror.

  “You got this dude. You love her, she loves you.” You smiled and made sure you had everything you needed, careful not to forget the ring, and headed over to (Y/N)’s room.

  “Just a second!” she called after you knocked on her door, fidgeting with your suit jacket while you waited. When she opened the door, your mouth dropped at the sight of her in a beautiful blue dress and she smiled before spinning around for you to get a complete look at the outfit, “what do you think?”

  “You look.. stunning,” you smiled, “guess it’s a good thing I didn’t pack anything for you isn’t it?” She smiled to herself, shaking her head as she grabbed her purse. The two of you laughed and she took your hand as the two of you headed to the car.

  “What do you have planned?” she asked as she put on some music

  “A nice dinner, I’ll take you to some of my favourite places in the city,” you said, intertwining your fingers with hers to kiss the back of her head, “nothing too crazy.” She smiled at you and tried, the whole way to the restaurant, to guess where you were taking her or what you were planning. You pulled up in front of the restaurant and a valet opened her door

 “Oooh,” you smiled as you heard her speak to the valet, “isn’t this fancy?” You met her on the sidewalk, thanking the valet and tipping him before taking (Y/N)’s hand to go inside. When she sat down, she browsed the menu and you tried not to give away how nervous you were about what you had planned for later in the night.

  “Anything look good?” you asked about the menu

  “Still looking..” she smiled. You ordered her favourite drink when the server came by to grab your orders, “ahh I get it” she said as the server left

  “What?” you said suddenly

  “You’re trying to be ‘the big man’ tonight. Coming to a fancy restaurant with valets, ordering my favourite drink,” she smiled and you let out a sigh, “who you trynna impress, Seguin?”

  “Only you,” you answered, “always you.” The rest of the meal was filled with smiles from both of you; you watched as her eyes lit up when she talked about her job, her smile shine when you talked about how you felt about the team and the way the season was going and listened to her laugh that you couldn’t imagine not hearing everyday. You kept Rads’ words in the back of your head though, ‘just make sure, if you feel weird about it, don’t do it.’

  “Would you like a dessert menu?” the server asked when he noticed there was a break in the conversation. You were prepared for her to say no, or to defer to you, but instead she said yes and that was the moment you knew she was comfortable with you. It was a small moment, a small thing, but it made everything so much clearer. You paid the bill and thanked the staff, guiding (Y/N) out to the car by placing your hand on the small of her back. You took her to the aquarium and watched her eyes follow the fish and tried to catch her as she chased the manta rays before eventually stopping in front of the shark tank.

  “We may be slightly overdressed for this place” you laughed, noticing the stares the two of you were getting

  “Do you ever wonder what they’re thinking?” she said, completely ignoring your statement

  “What?” you asked

  “Like are they sad? Do they know where they are? Do they wonder where their friends are? Or their families? Do they like it here? Are they happy?” You smiled at her thought process, “did you know that Sharks adapt to fit their environment? So like if there was a Great White Shark here, it would only grow to fit comfortably in the tank but in the ocean it would grow much bigger. That’s why you hear of like 30ft sharks.” She finished, eyebrows raised when she looked at you and you smiled while your eyes danced between hers.

  “Is any of that actually true?” you asked and she smiled at you

  “I don’t know,” she confessed, “it could be. It sounds like it should be, doesn’t it?” She grabbed your hand, intertwining her fingers with yours and continued walking, “and,” she added, “who cares if we’re overdressed.” She winked at you, as if to say ‘I’m always paying attention,’ and you shared the smile that she gave you. There was one last place you wanted to go before it got dark and it was the perfect spot for the proposal. A park with a beautiful river running through and a clear view of the Boston skyline. Sure, it was public but it wasn’t overly crowded so it had just enough of people for (Y/N) to have at least one picture of the proposal without feeling overwhelmed.

  “Wow, Ty,” she said lightly, “this place is beautiful. Thank you for bringing me here.” She smiled at you and, with her hair blowing in the wind and the sun beginning to set, you knew it was the perfect time.

xx

  “(Y/N),” Tyler said when your back was turned, “I need to get this out so don’t say anything until I’m finished okay?” You giggled at his statement but slowly turned around to face him, surprised when you saw him on one knee

  “Ty, what are you doing?” you said

  “I love you,” he started and your eyes grew wide, “ When we first met, I was so focused on being the best for Dallas, to start fresh after Boston, that you were just some girl. I didn’t think of you really that way, until I saw you with James; I just wanted to see you happy because you deserved that, I just hated that it had to be with him. But now here we are, having chosen each other after all the crap we’ve been through. Together and apart. I know we’ve had some rough times but you’ve always been the person I want to be with. The one I want to wake up next to. Every time we’re apart, whether I’m on the road or your visiting Chris in Calgary, I feel like I’m missing something because I am. You. You’re my favourite part of me and I can’t imagine a day without you. (Y/N) (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N), will you marry me?” You stood in front of Tyler for a few minutes, in a state of shock that left you silent when you noticed a few people start to huddle around you and Tyler, who hadn’t moved at all

  “Yes” you whispered, a smile starting to grow on your face

  “What?” he said jokingly, a smile dancing on his lips

  “Of course I’ll marry you!” you exclaimed and he slid the ring on your finger before picking you up and kissing you, you breaking the kiss only to laugh at the round of applause the two of you got. He put you down and waved to the crowd as you buried yourself in his chest out of embarrassment.

  “I love you”

  “I love you too,” you said, tucking yourself into his side while the two of you continued to walk through the park, “I can’t believe you actually proposed.”

  “Why?” he asked, in fake shock

  “I don’t know.. I guess I just never thought you were the marrying kind” you admitted

  “I wasn’t,” he said, kissing the top of your head, “until you.”

  “Well, happy birthday Mr. Seguin” you joked

  “Thank you,” he replied, “and thank you for saying ‘yes’ on my birthday. The guys were convinced that if you said no it would’ve tainted the day forever”

  “I’m surprised you did it on your birthday. I mean, the guys are right. It’s a risk.” You laughed and he shrugged his shoulders

  “It was worth it.”

#Tyler Seguin #It Had To be You #it had to be you series #Tyler Seguin imagine #tyler seguin series #masterlist #the other masterlist #no idea when or how this will end anymore #i had an idea but now i don't #i guess that's how it goes #prepare for some short chapters #after this one obviously

[rabbithole86]

They may not be spotted together quite as often as fans would like these days, but longtime pals Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss are still on the same style wavelength.

Swift’s new Elle UK cover was unveiled on Thursday, marking her first magazine appearance in nearly a year and featuring a personal essay written by the star on the power of pop music. The “Style” songstress, 29, fronts the April issue of the British glossy in a dramatic yellow dress by Gucci featuring a V-neckline, bold ruffles and bow-tied sleeves.

The very same day, 26-year-old Kloss closed the Off-White fall 2019 fashion show in Paris, hitting the catwalk in a vibrant canary-colored gown with tied-up straps and a flowing train so long, it required an entire team to carry backstage.

A number of fans quickly picked up on the two looks’ similarities. “The Karlie Kloss – Taylor Swift crowd must be pretty excited since both have been featured in yellow dresses in the past week. [I’m here for all the theories],” one person tweeted. “Just a coincidence. Right,” another wrote on Tumblr alongside a photo composite of the pair.

One Tumblr user even went so far as to Photoshop Kloss onto the magazine alongside Swift, with the cover line “Power Couple.”

Swifties have been speculating that the pop star is planning to release new music in the coming days; in addition to posing for a rare magazine cover, Swift has been unusually active on Instagram over the past week, sharing what many believe to be hints at her new musical era’s aesthetic. Last Saturday, she even made a surprise appearance at a superfan’s engagement party.

Last year, some fans believed that Kloss and Swift’s friendship was on the rocks, but the supermodel supported the singer at her “Reputation” tour stop in Nashville back in August. And while Swift wasn’t in attendance at Kloss’ intimate wedding to Josh Kushner in October, she was part of the bride-to-be’s bachelorette party.

“Taylor and I are still really good friends,” Kloss confirmed during her “73 Questions” video shoot for Vogue in October.

Xx

Thanks @aamericanroyalty for finding

#kaylor #taylor swift #karliekloss

[phanfictioncatalogue]

(TW) Smoking Masterlist

Links Last Checked: September 8th, 2023

Comfort Rests Beside Me At Night - phanqueray

Summary: It’s weird how much one event can lead to certain events after it and how it’s so fun to look up the stars and how I stare and fall in love with you.

Firestone - gorgeousdan

Summary: Dan and Phil get high and end up becoming a little bit closer than platonic best friends.

If only I could love you - phantasising

Summary: Dan Howell is one of the most popular kids in school, with a badboy reputation to uphold. On the day that he meets the new boy, Phil Lester, who seems just as bad as himself, he wants to get to know him better…

I Like Your Eyes - ithinkiphan

Summary: Dan is dragged to a party, and the last thing he expects is to meet a mysterious boy, who hates cigarettes but loves books, out on the fire escape.

Let Me Live In A Daydream With You - phanqueray

Summary: In a long bittersweet flashback, Dan relives his memories for the last 8 years. In real life, Phil feels like he’s drowning.

Painted Constellations - botanistlester

Summary: Dan is a painting major at uni who needs someone to paint on for his art project, and Phil is a photography major who needs Dan to model for him.

Purple Lavender Clouds - minniti

Summary: The one where Dan and Phil aren’t bitch ass liars and actually met while Dan was still a student at Manchester uni. if you can cue student stress, shitty studio apartments, and copious weed use–  you’ve got the right picture. 

Rooftop Smokers (wattpad) - SleeplessSophie

Summary: "I'm not either," Phil replied, looking to Dan with a sly smile. "You still giving out $5 blowjobs?" Well, Dan guessed, he probably did go to his school.

Dan rolled his eyes, "that was a rumor two years ago."

Phil laughed, "so I brought $5 for nothing?"

Snakebite Heart with a Bubblegum Smile - dark-days-dark-nights-xx

Summary: Phil didn’t want to be there, he really didn’t, but his parents had insisted Uni would benefit and he was determined to hate it. That was until he met his roommate, a guy whose wardrobe consisted of pastel jumpers and flower crowns who made Phil admit who he really was. (Punk/pastel Uni! AU)

Smoke (ao3) - Pinkpuddles

Summary: Phil smokes, Dan doesn't want him to.

Smoke and Flowers - cherrihearts

Summary: high school!/teenage! phan au in which Phil tends to the flowers and plants in the greenhouse behind his school and eventually finds himself completely smitten with the boy who sometimes smokes outside his door–Dan Howell.

These Are Words That Go Together Well - mcstarr

Summary: 1960′s Dan and Phil. Dan comes out to Phil and tells him that he has a crush on a friend who isn't gay.

The Boy with the Rose-Colored Glasses - placingglaciers

Summary: A coming-of-age story where Dan and Phil are caught up in the frenzy of peer pressure, a garage punk band, divorcing parents, and a hint of neighborhood baseball within the fine time of August 1975 in small-town America (if you don’t mind).

The One with the Flower Crown (ao3) - nokomisfics

Summary: Phil likes tattoos and smoking and sneaking into pubs illegally, and Dan likes Phil. Amy’s just around because it’s fun.

The Sun Will Rise, And We Will Try Again - phanlight

Summary: (tw) Phil, the clumsy Barista working an unstable job in a café along the Thames, always carries around too much spare change and really should stop smoking on his lunch breaks. Dan is a struggling street musician making his fortune in pennies on the south bank of London, another stranger in the city, who deserves so much more than the copper thrown at him by passers-by every day. But London is big, loud and really fucking overwhelming at the best of times, and sometimes, city life doesn’t always go to plan. And that’s okay.

You’re Worse Than Nicotine - lionessphil

Summary: Innocent!Phil and bad boy/stoner!Dan meet in detention and end up smoking a joint while getting each other off.

Your Love’s a Fucking Drag (But I Need It So Bad) - botanistlester

Summary: Dan likes black and leather jackets, Phil likes reading in solitude and playing video games. But they have one thing in common as new roommates at uni: They are both completely straight. Just because they like to get each other off every once in a while doesn’t make it any different.

You Will Be Covered In Gold (fanfiction.net) - Lonewritersclub

Summary: They became famous and loved. But fame is pain sometimes and Dan never was a masochist. Phil can’t help but worry, when their vocalist turns to drugs to find an answer. // Band AU.

#phanfictioncatalogue #phanfiction #phanfic #phan #masterlists #tw #drugs #smoking #smoking masterlist

[pjmnns]

Numinous

Numinous (adj.)

Describing an experience that makes you fearful yet fascinated, awed yet attracted— the powerful, personal experience of being overwhelmed and inspired

Pairing: OC (Park Somi) X Jimin

Rating: M (mentions of abuse, explicit language)

Warnings: mentions domestic abuse, explicit language

Word Count: 1.6k

>> 1/?

Park Jimin. Twenty-three and counting.

Park Somi. Twenty-two and counting.

Their lives each a separate road, parallel in existence yet never daring to intersect with one another. Every morning and every night, the silent hallway occupied by the clicking of locks, hers then his.

Park Jimin never worried about the girl that lived in 104. Park Somi never worried about the boy in 103.

Park Jimin never snuck a glance at the girl in 104. Park Somi never spared a glance at the boy in 103.

Park Jimin, the playboy of 103. Park Somi, the wallflower of 104.

xx

Stumbling into the quiet hallway, Park Jimin was to say the least— occupied. As the bombshell girl latched herself onto his neck, sucking tenderly at his sweet spot and being rewarded with an escaped moan, Park Jimin heard a hushed apology amidst the lustful chaos. He felt a gentle nudge along his backside and didn’t realize that as he and his “date” had stumbled into the hallway, they managed to trap a living person against the wall. “Sorry” she whispered again, uncomfortably pressed against the wall, nudging Jimin a little harder this time. Just as he recognized who it was, she squeezed her way out from between the wall and walked away, clutching the collars of her jacket and making an effort to avoid eye contact. Weird Jimin thought, but his thought was soon interrupted by the sudden tongue making its way into his mouth, hands pushing him up against the door before fumbling inside. To say the least, the first time Park Jimin thought of the girl in 104, he was occupied.

A week later, Park Jimin is stumbling into the hallway again; making his way towards his apartment, much more sober than the rest of his gang who trail behind him.

“Where the fuck were you? Are you avoiding me?”

Jimin’s eyes looked up and saw the girl from room 104. Her face grimacing in pain as she writhed her wrist out from the speaker’s own grasp, his hand only tightening the grip until knuckles bared white. Jimin continued observing until the girl finally broke her grasp, her glossy eyes roaming the empty hallway until they landed on Jimin. Before he could respond, she disappeared inside the door frame as the door slammed shut.

Not long after Jimin went inside his own apartment, the sound of glass shattering echoed through the thin walls. Jimin was subconsciously expecting an ear-splitting scream to follow but instead consecutive knocks sounded at a door, his door.

As Jimin opened his door, he met the girl from 104’s eyes. Glistening streaks raced down her flushed cheeks, lips swollen from being clenched between her teeth, hair hurriedly combed behind her ears as if she attempted to look presentable despite her obvious state.

“Can I help you?” Jimin pondered aloud.

Her eyes widened, mouth opening then closing before quietly whispering sorry. She looked down and walked immediately back to 104. Pulling her own door closed, Jimin noticed her eyelids fluttering before taking a shaky inhale, stepping inside her apartment once more with whatever facade of strength and willpower she could mask. Closing his own door, Jimin hesitated when he heard the sound of another glass shatter but there was no movement from the door of 104.

—

“Who was that?” Yoongi asking from the couch, obviously a little sobered by now as well as the rest of the guys.

“No one,” Jimin grunted before running a hand through his hair. Eyebrows furrowed, lips pursed into a tight line, Jimin couldn’t help but mull over the past five minutes. Surely he could care less about the girl who had lived next to him for the past two years, but never before had something like this happened.

As Jimin recalls your appearance, finally having enough head space to actually think about your state, he remembered her swollen eyes and the way she gripped the edge of her scarf— wait.. who wears a scarf mid-August? Shaking his head in hopes of somehow shaking off those thoughts, Jimin pushes the oddity of events towards the back of his mind and moves towards the living room with his gang.

—

Eventually arguments wore on through the night most days the following weeks. Jimin was smart enough to deduce a douchebag boyfriend and a shitty relationship was what the girl from 104 caught herself up in.

But like,, it wasn’t any of his business right? Jimin wanted nothing to do with the relationship of the girl next door especially since they’ve exchanged nothing more than a couple words and fleeting glances. Jimin didn’t need to bother with another girl in his life, especially one that came with baggage.

With that being the circumstance that surrounded the relationship Park Jimin and Park Somi shared, Park Jimin had the worst kind of reputation: residential fuckboy.

Despite being a part of a collective of fuckboys, Jimin had his work cut out for him when he literally oozed sexual appeal and charm. Reputation came with a lot of labels, Jimin quickly learned, his favorite being the fucking contradiction. Jimin was known to be rough in bed but the real charmer as he whispered sweet-nothings into the ears of compliant girls, opting for being a prince in bed rather than a dominance. The duality of sexual appeal and masculinity was nonetheless juxtaposed by his boyish grin, the crescent moons that formed by his eyes when he was nonetheless entertained. He was fire and ice, a fervor of heat that coursed through bloodstreams down to every girl’s core as well as an austere frost that left pants and gasps turning into steam that unfurled from their mouths. A fucking contradiction indeed.

Despite being the god that everyone worshipped him for, Jimin was a sucker for being the nice guy. Most of all, no one knew this more than his friends. Despite Jimin’s innate ability to bed girl after girl, he was known amongst the fuckboy collective as the one who left after sex with bedside notes and chaste kisses, making sure to never be the asshole who skirted.

As Jimin’s budding reputation made the most of his nights in bed, Park Somi in 104 was experiencing the worst of her nights.

—

While Jimin had managed to completely forget the events from weeks past, he was met with the girl from 104 at his door once again. This time she looked much more presentable, no more glistening streaks, no more apparent redness or swelling, but the scarf remained. Jimin ignored the fact that he remembered the oddity of the scarf and proceeded to repeat the words he asked the last time: “Can I help you?”

“Um, your package. They delivered it to the wrong apartment.”

Extending the parcel to the boy from 103, he took it from her hands and was about to voice a thank you before she had already turned and left. As Jimin turned and closed his door, he was met with curious gazes from the guys.

“When did you guys fuck?” Taehyung asked blatantly, aided by a waggle of his brows.

“Nah Tae, its when are they going to fuck, that’s the question right there,” piped in Jungkook, causing everyone to erupt into laughter as the kid winked at Jimin.

Jimin merely rolled his eyes before plopping down onto the couch, “She has a boyfriend— pretty shit one if you ask me but you guys know I don’t do that.”

“Do what— the whole ‘they’re taken’ thing? You’re too much of a romance Park,” Namjoon chimes in, having known Jimin since they were much younger.

While the boys begin arguing who was more of a romancer after Jimin, his thoughts can’t help but regard the level of arguing that goes on most nights, and the fact that the louder voice belonged to the douchebag boyfriend.

“Hey, did you guys notice anything about her? Like something off-setting?” Just voicing his thoughts aloud helped him think, and he was somewhat in hopes that maybe his friends noticed something he didn’t.

“Besides the fact that she’s hot as fuck and I would totally hit that… not really,” Hoseok noted, the others voicing a chorus of agreement as they all played a similar grin on their stupid faces.

Yoongi being the only one to catch what Jimin was hinting at, he asks “Why Jimin? Did you notice something off?”

As Jimin began to recall the events of weeks prior, the boys started to be more attentive and realized that maybe there was something odd about the quiet girl from 104 who endured those loud nights.

After he finished, being able to vocalize his thoughts that somehow managed to accumulate in the back of his mind, Jimin realized he somehow did think about the girl from 104 and he maybe cared more than he would like to admit.

Jin, probably the least fuckboy of the alleged fuckboy collective as proven by his two year relationship, interrupted Jimin’s inner dialogue: “Are you going to do something? I think we can all agree that there’s definitely something not right.”

Before Jimin could open his mouth to respond, Taehyung jumped in with his own sagacity. “Put your hero complex to use and save her,” pausing before adding, “you might get a great fuck out of it.”

Jimin groaned out loud before flipping off the intrinsic fuckboy.

Did he really want to get involved? Did he really want to dive headfirst into a situation that he only heard through the walls?

Jimin wished he didn’t have such a craving for complacency after doing good things, but in the end that’s all it would be right? Just another good thing?

He wouldn’t have to be invested in anything but making sure the nights would return to silence, right?

Wrong.

—

Domestic violence and abuse is a serious problem in our society today. If you know anyone that needs help, please do take the initiative to reach out, even if it is letting them know that you are and will be there for them. The red flags are always there, take notice and take action.

—

Hello everyone!! I’m Dani and this is my first fic I’m posting. Please give it lots of love and feel free to send me anything and everything in regards to writing and/or this fic. There will be more to come! Thank you!!

#bts #jimin #bts fanfiction #bts jimin #jimin fanfiction #angst #smut #jimin angst #bts ff #jin #rm #namjoon #suga #jhope #v #taehyung #jungkook

[yuri-or-death]

”Black Star” SayaJuri OS (Rated M)

Main Pairing: Yamamoto Sayaka x Matsui Jurina

Characters: Yamamoto Sayaka, Matsui Jurina, Watanabe Miyuki, Matsui Rena, Miyawaki Sakura

Summary: A hot blooded dhampir and a subservient knight–Sayaka and Jurina are students at North Star Military Academy, partners, and rivals. They are soldiers who swear by the oath to protect humans from any threat. From the moment they met, there was a clear distance; a rift. But in the wake of an oncoming threat, they grow closer, and new feelings emerge.

Warning: Violence, gore, sexual themes (SMUT ALERT!!!)

Authors’ Notes: So this is me and @rukakikuchi wishing you guys a happy new year! This fic is quite spontaneous, after finding a post on tumblr about anime titles based on names we decided to make a SayaJuri OS. Personally, Sayaka x Jurina is a crack ship i’ve been meaning to try and i’m super starved of content. 

P.S. It is a REALLLY long one shot. It includes slight hints of Wmatsui, SayaMilky and Jurisaku. We hope you enjoy! 

++++

2XXX, August XX Known in infamy as the day the sky fell… Meteors rained down mercilessly from above, as if punishing humanity for some crime. That day, the world we had always known…

Was decimated.

New Star Calendar 00-34, Spring

The Council of Vampires formed an alliance with the humans. We vampires swore fealty;

We vow to protect humanity from the shadows of the Night.

We coexist, we thrive, for without them we would lose ourselves;

And neither specie would survive. Our oath. One that we forged with blood.

And now, I…

New Star Calendar 15-351, Winter

Present Time:

Snow covered the large tract of land like a white ocean, it was captivating—a flawless winter dream. Where was the end of this white horizon? It was almost as if the earth and the heavens were in congress, bound to each without end or beginning.

The pool of red against the pristine ground was shocking to the senses. Blood seeped into the layers of snow. Two figures decked in military uniforms reminiscent of the French revolution, were at the center of the scenery. A woman with chin-length hair, black as the wings of a raven, was crouched down, cradling a fragile body of another female sprawled on the ground, the latter’s long chocolate-brown tresses already viscid with blood.

A few feet away from them was a large corpse of a serpentine creature whose features were more like a dragon. Two swords impaled the cadaver’s head as black liquid oozed out from different parts of its wounded body. Slowly, it began to disintegrate into ebony dust and ash.

 The brown-haired woman coughed out blood, staining her lips. Her skin was a deathly pale color.

“Hold on. Help is coming.”

“It’s o-okay…I’m j-just glad…you’re safe, Jurina.”

Yamamoto Sayaka was dying.

“Please,” Jurina’s voice shook as she fought the mixture of despair and anger consuming her. She was resolved to track down and kill The Necromancer, their sworn enemy, even if it takes her a lifetime, even if she must search every corner of this decaying earth. The Necromancer will pay for this, blood for blood.  

In Sayaka’s consciousness, there was nothing else but a song, a silent tune that drifted to the very core of her being. Beyond her, no words were spoken, no meaning or reason. And yet every letter seemed to float, forming sentences that slowly burned the edge of her consciousness. Like dying embers floating with the wind, scattering about towards anywhere and nowhere, musical fragments whirled around the oblivion that was her thoughts. She recognized each beat, the broken refrain and the unfinished coda. Each breath drawn was a memory of things that were, that are and that would never be.

Her eyes were open, but only dancing shadows greeted her vision. The firm hold of interwoven fingers, the cold tears staining her cheeks, the pleading whispers—everything else was a dull sensation. Disconnected. Abandoned.

The weight upon her chest suppressed her and it grew more painful to breathe.  

Jurina’s warm hand traced the outline of her face, fingers weaving through the strands of her brown hair. The embrace tightened with desperation. But in her mind, there were only fractured images of people she once knew, fleeting recollections of the past and echoes of a song never sung.

“Stay with me, Sayaka.”

.

.

.

.

.

Everything is cold,

Empty.

So this is what death is like.

Are you crying, Jurina?

I don’t want to hurt you.

I…lo–

*~*~*~*

New Star Calendar 13-94, Summer

Memory I: Initial Contact

2 years ago…

“A dhampir arrived last night, they say she’s going to start attending classes here at the Academy.” A nameless student started to stir the threads of gossip. North Star Military Academy was a closed-up elite unit. As the best military training institution, its students were carefully handpicked and the community was tightly-knit.  It was impossible not to get a wind of new developments.

“Half-bloods shouldn’t be trusted, they’re volatile and weak.” The other student replied, gaze not leaving the flurry of swords in the arena below them.

“You think so? This one was specifically sought after by the Commander. Rumor says her skills are top notch.”

“Whatever, she’ll never be on the same league as us.”

The clinking of metal against metal filled the atmosphere. Matsui Jurina was fencing in the training hall, gripping her rapier tight as she performed quick assaults against her opponent. Her slender figure, clad in her white military uniform, seemed to dance amid the battlefield. Swift, ethereal, deadly precise–she was all those as a fighter, earning her the moniker “The White Knight.” As she was delivering blow after blow, a familiar voice broke her concentration. “Jurina! Come here!” She looked up, seeing her human master, Rena, on the upper platform gazing down at her from the audience balcony. She bowed to her sparring partner before sliding her sword to her waist and walking up the stairs. All the eyes in the room followed Jurina, her every movement was fluid as a gallant soldier.

Upon arriving at the top, she saw another girl standing with Rena. This newcomer had short brown hair and an unpleasant scowl on her face. “Who is this, Rena-sama?” Jurina’s tone was reverent. She reached for her master’s hand to kiss the crystal ring that adorned Rena’s finger. The sight of the two of them was like a spectacle lifted from a victorian portrait. Rena’s features were regal and mysterious. Her long black hair and delicate smile made her look like a princess straight out of a fairytale. “Her name is Yamamoto Sayaka. She’s going to be your partner starting today.” “Is that so?” Jurina smiled, turning toward the girl, her short hair bouncing softly. She reached out for a handshake. “It’s nice to meet you, Sayaka-san.” There was warmth in her words. Sayaka, however, just clicked her tongue and slapped the hand away. The hypocrisy of nobles irked her the most. In her mind, this girl before her was being nice for the sole reason that she was ordered to. “No offense, but do I really need a partner?” Sayaka asked Rena, rather brashly. “I’m perfectly fine on my own.” A lone wolf doesn’t need a pack, it would slow her down. “Sayaka-san, I know you are very skilled. But I think it would be beneficial if you work with Jurina. Use her experience and rigorous training to your advantage. After all, I’ve heard that you never had formal combat classes and she’s the perfect person to help you adjust here in the Academy.” Rena’s composure was infallible, as expected from the master of the famous White Knight. “I’m fully willing to be your partner,” Jurina’s smile did not falter. People would kill for Sayaka’s spot, but the dhampir just gave her an annoyed glare. “I’ll let you two be; I have some matters to settle.” Rena motioned to leave, then looked back and said, “Jurina, you start showing Sayaka the ropes!” She was definitely optimistic. “Of course, Rena-sama.” After Rena left, Jurina started walking down the stairs but noticed that Sayaka was still bent against the railing, disinterest plastered on her face like a huge ‘do not disturb’ sign. The honor student pouted as she dashed back to the top, leaning beside the other vampire. “Hey~ aren’t you going to train?” Sayaka’s face scrunched up at Jurina’s sing-song voice. “I’ll train when I want to… I don’t want to right now.” Who the hell decided she needed a partner anyway? These haughty purebloods were all the same and she wanted none of their false pretenses of camaraderie and kindness. “My, my, you’re a stubborn one…” Jurina sighed. “Oh well.” “Huh? What’s that supposed to–” Sayaka glanced over and saw Jurina hold a pendant in her hand. It was a cross that looked like a star; the Polar star, to be exact. She furrowed her brows, “What is that?” “My Polaris Cross. To pray to Astraea.” “Astria?” “Astraea!” Jurina firmly corrected her. “He’s the God who created the universe. He painted the void full of stars and galaxies. I pray to him every twilight when I wake and before dawn when I lay to sleep.” “Huh…” Sayaka was not getting any of this. “Don’t you know? The great star Polaris was created from the core of Astraea’s soul! It was his blessing to grant us magic, and–” “I don’t care about your make-believe God.” The newcomer said bluntly. “Eh?!” “That story of Asta-whatever creating the stars is just a fairytale that you’d tell a child. I would never believe something like that.” Jurina was appalled, gripping her cross. “How dare you! Talking about Astraea-sama like that!” Everything around them came to a halt as the tension spiked. The occupants of the training hall grew pensive. Matsui Jurina rarely lost her cool and this new student straight off pushed her buttons. “Ahh, Astraea, Astraea, he’s not real.” Sayaka retorted. “Listen, I never had faith in God, he was never there when I needed him. I won’t put my faith in him now.” “Such insolence–!” Jurina pulled out her sword, angrily aiming the blade at Sayaka’s neck. The dhampir just scoffed. “Please,” she taunted as she pulled out a gun, pointing it back at Jurina’s head. The suspense was too heavy for the occupants of the room to dare make the slightest movement. “Excuse me~!” A sweet voice interrupted their short dispute. They both looked confused at the young woman that came between them. She looked at Sayaka, grinning, “Yamamoto Sayaka-chan, right?” “Uh… yes? And you are?” “My name is Miyuki. I’m your master.” Sayaka raised a brow, drawing back from Jurina. “My what?” “Your master. Your ruler, your boss. The one you must swear to protect and obey with your life. Basically, you’re my knight, and I’m your queen~” “Huh? When did I agree to–” Sayaka ceased mid-sentence when Miyuki pulled her for a torrid kiss on the lips. “What is wrong with you?!” The dhampir pushed her away, a hand covered her mouth as she glared back defiantly. “You are bound to me Yamamoto Sayaka. Now lower the gun,” Miyuki then said, holding up a white crystal ring on her middle finger that was similar to the one Rena had. “We don’t need you killing your new partner.” Against her own will, Sayaka’s hand clutching the gun fell to her side. Her eyes widened seeing her sudden action. “What…?” There was confusion, panic and boiling irritation muddling Sayaka’s mind. She was being controlled. A rhythmic giggle, “You can’t disobey your master. Not while I have this Lacryma crystal~” Miyuki teased, sticking out her tongue playfully. Sayaka could only hiss. She knew she was powerless against the Lacryma. It was a relic from the shattered Polaris star and it held complete control over a vampire’s immortal soul. Humans possessed the Lacryma to ensure the loyalty of their vampire protectors. It could force even the strongest vampire into submission. “Now, I hope you two can get along! Rena-chan thinks so, too.” Jurina heaved a deep sigh, she lowered her sword. “As you wish.” “Whatever…”

*~*~*~*

New Star Calendar 13-201, Autumn

Memory II: Friction

“What the hell, Jurina?!” Sayaka’s angry voice roared as the doors to the Academy flew open from the brunt of the swing. Jurina walked ahead as the dhampir stormed toward her. “Hey, are you even listening?! What was that earlier?! I could’ve handled them by myself!”

“No. Because you were just being reckless,” Jurina retorted in a cold tone, sharp as an ice dagger and twice deadly.

“You were assigned as my ‘partner’, weren’t you? Wouldn’t you trust your own ‘partner’ to get the job done?!”

“You were acting out on your own; don’t think I’m the one at fault,” Jurina stopped walking and turned around. “Your course of action was highly risky and you could’ve gotten yourself killed and drag us with you. You’re in over your head. And more importantly–”

“Oh, great, what?! Tell me! I dare you!” Sayaka scowled.

Jurina took a deep breath, turning to stand right in front of her.

“You desperately need to control that temper of yours.”

“Okay, that’s it!” Sayaka took out her gun, aiming it at Jurina. “I’ve had enough of–”

“Stop.”

Sayaka felt her body freeze as Miyuki and Rena came up from behind her. Miyuki snatched away her gun while Sayaka stood, her muscles tense and her head pounding.

“Sayaka~ If you keep this up, I’ll have to confiscate your guns,” Miyuki pouted. “Rena-chan, I’ll get Sayaka something hot to drink and calm her down. You talk to Jurina.”

“Of course.”

Miyuki took hold of Sayaka’s shoulders, releasing the tension from her arms and making them drop to her sides. Sayaka still had an unpleasant look even as she was taken by her human master and ushered to the cafeteria.

Rena glanced over at Jurina as she rubbed her temple.

“What happened?”

Jurina frowned. “Can we have this debriefing later? I need a cold shower.” She was too drained to even recount the events of her first official mission with Sayaka. The girl was a handful.

“Very well. Take all the time you need to clear your head.”

….

The sound of water hitting the tiles finally stopped. A few more shuffling and the door swung open. Jurina emerged from the shower clad only in her white bathrobe, tendrils of black hair still dripping wet.

Her gaze fell on the girl in front of her, demurely sitting on the king sized bed as she waited for the vampire. “I’m sorry it took a while, Master.” Jurina muttered before motioning to the dresser. That shower definitely released some tension from her muscles.

“Now would you tell me what happened?” Rena rose to stand behind Jurina as she fumbled with the contents of her drawer, possibly looking for a dryer and a comb.

“If I must,” Jurina acquiesced as the whirling sound of the hair dryer filled the room. The vampire ran her fingers through her ebony tresses, her gaze fixed on their reflection in the mirror.

“Hey, it’s just that I’m concerned…For you to be riled up this much. I need to know how we can improve your team work with Sayaka-san as this will be beneficial for all of us in the long run.”

“But why must we insist our methods upon someone so resolute on doing things her own way? To tell you plainly, Rena-sama, that girl has negated all my commands as Squad Captain during the scramble earlier.” Jurina sighed, positively miffed. “She charged into a den of Shades sans notice and proceeded to engage combat without authorization.”

Shades were monsters deprived of reason, vampires that fell from grace. They terrorized humans and other vampires alike. Their proliferation is one of the reasons the vampire-human alliance came to be.

“A bit trigger happy, I presume.”

“My sniper and saboteur have both been decommissioned for a week’s length because of her obstinance.” It took every bit of the vampire’s patience to not lash out and make a scene the moment they arrived within academy grounds. “We were all almost buried in debris, Rena-sama.”

“There, there.” Rena tried to soothe her. She took the comb from Jurina’s grasp and began to brush the vampire’s hair with protracted, delicate strokes that massaged Jurina’s scalp. “I know I’m asking too much from you, but please do consider that Sayaka-san has been operating rogue for the past years. She’s not a team player, as expected, but it doesn’t mean she won’t grow to be one.”

“I don’t understand why you’re so invested in her affairs, Rena-sama. Miyuki-chan told me that you specifically asked the Council to make me her partner. Why is that?”

Rena placed the comb atop the dresser. She patted Jurina’s head. “A selfish wish maybe?” She smiled.

“Eh, should I be jealous?” Jurina pulled her master’s wrist, straining Rena to bend down and receive a chaste peck on the lips.

Rena cradled both sides of Jurina’s face, deepening the kiss. She only broke away when oxygen grew deficient.

“Don’t distract me from the question.” Jurina pouted.

“You started it first.”

“Are you fond of her, Rena-sama?” The vampire persisted, it would not quell her heart to be left guessing.

“She simply reminds me of myself.” The human spoke honestly, “Before I met you, that is.”

Now, Jurina was confused, “You are nothing like her, Rena-sama.”

“Well, not squarely of course. But loneliness, Jurina. I think both of us has seen it eye to eye.” For a moment, Rena’s eyes were glazed with nostalgia. There was fondness in her voice, a rhythmic cadence to her tone as she uttered the next words.

“And I want you to be her light, just as you are mine.”

Jurina intertwined their fingers together. “Hmmm….all but for a hefty price.” She teased while pulling Rena to bed. “But if that is what you wish, I’ll try.”

…

“Just to confirm, the Commander has issued orders directing my squad to investigate a high value target?” Jurina spoke to a member of their 2nd battalion, the unit specifically assigned to make profiles of their ‘marks’.

“Affirmative, Matsui-san. Our target is called The Necromancer, an extremist pureblood adept at using blood magic and curses. We believe he is behind the recent surge of Shade activity.” The human responded.

“Will permission to engage be granted?” Jurina wanted to make sure whether or not direct confrontation with the said entity was authorized.

“The Commander wishes to gather more information before we commence full execution. For now,  avoid contact as much as possible.”

“Roger that, is there anything else on the target’s portfolio?”

“Well, this is yet to be confirmed, but our intelligence cells have reported that aside from controlling Shades, The Necromancer is also able to summon beasts corrupted by magic.”

“Familiars?” Jurina clarified.

“No, it seems he is capable of altering the life links of both flora and fauna. Please exercise extreme caution.” The member of the 2nd battalion retired for the night and Jurina was left standing alone at the balcony. She was thinking of killing time in the gardens when she chanced upon Sayaka in the corridor.

At first, Jurina considered avoiding any type of interaction with her for the time being but the vampire’s good nature got the best of her. “I hope you’ve been well rested, Sayaka-san.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry and all that,” Sayaka said. “Miyuki scolded me about what I did, and then she treated me to tea when I said I’d apologize.”

“I hope next time, you’ll be a bit more careful in a situation like that.”

Sayaka sighed. “Yes, ma’am, senpai.”

*~*~*~*

New Star Calendar 14-120, Summer

Memory III: Mutual Need

A bullet whizzed past Jurina’s face by a centimeter, hitting a Shade that was poised to attack her from the back. She was surrounded by the vile monstrosities and had been fending off hoards of them for hours while awaiting reinforcement.

“What would you do if you injured my beautiful face?” She blurted out, a playful smirk on her lips as she eyed the new comer who had just joined the fiasco.

The White Knight was deployed for a scouting mission to observe and gather information on the western side of the Weeping Woods. The forest had been unpassable for months due to a severe build up of Shades in the area.

At first, she effortlessly disposed off the Shades that attacked her but was caught off guard when she found a heart-like matter, beating while connected to a colossal tree. The cocoon-like objects dangling from its branches served as pods for ‘new born’ Shades. It was horrifying how the creatures came out of the mounds of flesh.

Everything about it was sacrilege. The Necromancer finally found a way to create Shades without turning vampires into mindless beasts. This black heart was directly spawning monsters and leaving it be would endanger the nearby villages.

“Oh shut up J, I could put a hole on your cheek right now and it would still heal up quite nicely.” Sayaka proceeded to shoot down the Shades within Jurina’s radius as the latter elegantly slashed her way through to reach the dhampir’s side.

Jurina rolled her eyes.

“What the hell is that hideous thing?!” Sayaka eyed the black heart mounted on the colossal tree.

“A power source? It’s creating all these Shades in a matter of minutes.”  As if on cue, Shades began to emerge out of the pods, instantly multiplying their adversaries.

The two fighters stood back-to-back, entrusting their lives to each other. They began to wipe out their attackers in perfect synchronization, . Each movement was deadly precise it almost seemed like a divine waltz amid the carnage.

“By the way, you’re bloody late, Sayaka.” Jurina shot a menacing glare at the Shade that attempted to bite off the dhampir’s neck before slicing the creature in half. Her once pristine robes were now covered in grime and blood. Her hands holding her rapier was dripping with black liquid.  

“Yeah. And you’re f*cking enjoying this!” Sayaka gripped the neck of the Shade that lunged at her and snapped it. She reached for the vial inside her coat pocket. It held crimson liquid–fresh blood to renew Jurina’s strength.

She was sure her partner was at her limit, it had been almost 8 hours since Jurina left the campus and judging by the looks of this onslaught of undead and Jurina’s own countenance, Sayaka could deduce that the pureblood had been fending off these things incessantly.

“Thanks.” Jurina muttered after drinking from the vial Sayaka gave. Her eyes glistened with a crimson hue as power surged within her.

“Is there any end to this?” The dhampir grumbled while smashing a Shade’s face with the grip of her gun.

Jurina laughed almost heartily. “I wouldn’t dawdle around if it was that easy.” She wouldn’t need to send a distress signal if this predicament was something simple.

“If this draws on, we’d be stuck here until the crack of dawn.”

“That’s not quite your problem.” A slash here;

“Of course it is! I can’t have you erupting to ashes in front of my face.” A bullet there;

Sayaka was a dhampir, and dhampirs, unlike purebloods, were immune to sunlight. They were also faster in regeneration, physically stronger and more durable. All these were things Sayaka took pride in and would certainly boast about in front of Jurina whenever she had the chance.

“And besides, the whole Academy would probably stake me to a pyre if I let anything happen to their favorite student.” Both of them seemed to revel in the heat of the battle. There was no experience of seamless harmony greater than this with any other ally. Matsui Jurina and Yamamoto Sayaka were equals.

Sayaka felt intoxicated–the slicing shriek of Jurina’s sword, the reverberating echo of each bullet fired from her gun, their panting breaths, the outcry of each fallen Shade as they bit the dust–the adrenaline rush was a sweet nectar.

“As much as I fancy fighting with you, we have to think of a way to destroy that heart and get out of here.” Jurina winced as a sharp claw struck the side of her abdomen.

“If I clear a path, could you cut it down?”

There was no other word spoken; Jurina changed her fighting stance, her sword in a perfect horizontal line as she brought her right foot forward in a full offensive posture. Her blade glistened just beside her cheek, light reflected from the steel as she twisted her hand guard.

Sayaka smirked while firing a barrage of bullets as bodies started to pile up, the Shades were dropping like flies. She kicked a few of them senseless as they tried to lap on her.

The White Knight weaved her way amongst the corpses, crushing their heads beneath her heels as she advanced. If she had Sayaka beside her earlier, this would have been over and done with in an instant, instead of wasting half a day battling an army of oddities.

Jurina abruptly broke her sprint and used the speeding Shade as a springboard to thrust the blade into the black heart beating at the core of the rotting tree. Her sword glowed an unearthly silver color as she managed a full on strike.

Two halves of flesh cleanly cut in the middle almost fell from their attachment on the trunk before the muscles mended themselves and reconnected.

Sayaka cursed out loud. “Damned thing,” She shot down the shade that pulled on Jurina’s ankle as the latter stood atop the pile of carcass, just in time before the vampire could lose her balance.

Jurina glanced back to her partner’s direction, “Physical attacks are in vain.” There was a dark edge in her tone as she hurried back to Sayaka’s side, plowing through the Shades that obstructed her path.

Sharp pain shot through Jurina’s senses as she clutched the wound on her abdomen. The sensation was too strong that she almost fell to her knees.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine.” Jurina whispered while trying to heal the laceration.

“Watch out!” Sayaka pulled Jurina’s hand to impale a Shade that attacked the pureblood in her moment of vulnerability. She almost cursed her own heritage for not being able to wield magic. It would have been damn easier if she was a pureblooded vampire.

The dhampir’s fingers lingered on Jurina’s hand which was starting to lose its grip on the rapier. “Concentrate on regeneration first, I’ll watch your back.”

Jurina shook her head. “At this rate, we’ll both die.” She barely suppressed a whimper as the gash burned with white-hot pain. She planted her sword on the ground so it was poised in a cross-like fashion.

“Shut up!! You’re not doing any self-sacrificing stunt again, you fool!!” Sayaka could almost see where this was heading, she had know her partner long enough to predict the girl’s line of thinking. The dhampir would admit the she fought recklessly more than often but Jurina, was someone who would take a bullet for someone else without batting an eyelash. She almost had no sense of self-preservation and it irked Sayaka to no end.

“Listen to me, Sayaka.” Jurina gripped the forehead of an attacking Shade and crushed it with her bare hands. Dawn was fast approaching, she could almost feel it on her skin.

“No! Enough of your grandstanding–” There was every bit of irritation in Sayaka’s response as she furiously took down the creatures swarming them.

“It seems The Necromancer has proven to be a dangerous opponent. Destroying that heart would be impossible with normal attacks and you know it. My magic is barely enough to heal my wounds.” As she spoke, Jurina’s eyes alternated between blood red and amber in split seconds, she was wavering and they were both certainly aware of it.

“Whatever you’re planning, it’s a no.”

Jurina raised her hand, casting a protective sphere around them that could only last a few seconds. The shades within 2 meter radius exploded as they touched the barrier.

“I need to drink your blood.”

Sayaka swore her heart skipped a beat at that proposition.

“What the hell! No! That’s the most important prohibition in the book!” She grabbed Jurina by the collar.

Vampires drinking from vampires was the greatest sin.

It drove them mad;

Made them forget who they were;

Made the thirst unquenchable–

Like mindless beasts.

Shades were vampires once.

But they…

Lost their souls.

“I only need enough to cast one more spell.” Jurina reasoned as she firmly held Sayaka’s hand on her uniform. Her wound was burning; time was of the essence and once the barrier breaks, she wasn’t sure if she could fight again.

She had full faith in Sayaka’s abilities but against a legion of Shades that multiplied to no end, it was a losing battle no matter how many they cut down.

“You’ll destroy yourself Jurina!”

It wasn’t entirely correct. Madness would not consume you in one breath. The progression of becoming a shade was a slow and agonizing process. It was actually ironic, catharsis: the term for the liberation of the soul was used to call the spiral into lunacy of purebloods.

“Just a bit won’t harm me.”

“You’re not even sure of that.”

The barrier started to crack, it was slowly giving out. “Trust me, Sayaka.”

“Ugh!! I hate you!” The dhampir shouted in resignation, she released Jurina from her iron grip and proceeded to unbutton her overcoat then undo her blouse.  

Jurina smiled despite the fatigue. She caressed Sayaka’s cheek, “I’m sorry for being so troublesome.” Her breath was hot but her touch was almost frigid.

“You damn sure are.” Sayaka closed her eyes as Jurina drew near.

In one swift movement, Jurina’s fangs sank into Sayaka’s neck. Upon drinking the dhampir’s blood, the vampire’s eyes shot open, her irises shone in the brightest shade of red. Black veins started to form under Jurina’s eyes as she fed.

She could discern that the taste of Sayaka’s blood would make her delirious if she did not break off…

But why did she not seem to care?

Jurina’s eyelids grew heavy as pure bliss enveloped her. Why should she stop? How could she pry herself away from this tempting warmth filing her mouth with sin? How could she turn away from this radiating energy coursing through her veins like hellfire? Sayaka’s blood…she needed nothing else in this plane of existence.

Lust ached in her bones, greed filled her lungs like poison and passion gripped her throat breathless.

Was this hunger? Was this desire? Why was something that felt so dreadfully good forbidden? It was unfair, it was the height of idiocy to constrain one’s self from this kind of pleasure!

“Jurina!” Sayaka cried out, pushing the vampire away in sheer panic.

Jurina slowly came to, eyes glistening like blood rubies and lips tainted crimson.

She gulped, the exquisite flavor lingered and it was honestly so, so heart-rending to stop.

“You’re…” Sayaka was at a loss for words, moisture started to well at the side of her eyes.

The White Knight took a step back, she turned away from the dhampir’s scrutinizing gaze. “I’m sorry.” She repeated the apology before setting her hand on her sword still impaled on the ground. Was she ashamed?

Jurina closed her eyes, feeling the air shift around her, the barrier fell completely.

In the same moment, hail and ice surged, covering their whole surroundings in frost despite being in the middle of summer. All the Shades that besieged the two fighters, including the dark heart and the colossal tree, was frozen solid.

In a blink of an eye, everything shattered–vaporized.

Sayaka was on the verge of trembling at the overwhelming demonstration of power. Only the two of them stood untouched by the white flux. She held her breath as she watched Jurina’s figure fall but caught the pureblood in her arms forthwith.

“H-hey!”

“My…wound,” came a weak reply.

Sayaka could see it clearly, the laceration the Shade inflicted, the gash that did not heal was tinged with black and purple.

It was poison.

Her partner would be incapacitated for the time being, but that was not their biggest concern right now.

Sayaka examined the sky, it would only be a few minutes until sunlight seeped in from the verdant roof of the Weeping Forest. She needed to bring Jurina to a safe location lest she truly perish.

The dhampir wrapped her coat around Jurina before hoisting the wounded girl on her back and carrying her across the woods.

…

Sayaka couldn’t remember the last time her heart pounded this wildly in her chest. The feeling of dread was a hanging shadow as she ran to beat the sun, Jurina in tow.

Was it when her mother lost all reason?

Was it when her father and sister died?

Was it when the world failed her?

Was it when god abandoned her?

This kind of fear left a bitter taste in her mouth and she swore to herself she would never fall so weak.

She thought her heart was already entombed in stone but why does the thought of losing this reckless vampire, this irritating being she started to call her partner, shake her to her very core?

Gradually, the rays of the sun seeped out from the clouds as dawn broke.

Jurina’s flesh started to parch as sunlight hit her skin. What small consolation it was, that it was not yet the height of day. Otherwise, she would have been reduced to ashes and embers.

Sayaka could feel and hear her writhe in pain. She pulled on the coat enveloping Jurina’s frail body closer to shield the vampire’s face.

She was helpless against the forces of nature, against time and space.

Yamamoto Sayaka, the strongest blood legacy of the Dhampirs, the prodigy, the abomination, couldn’t save a single life when it mattered the most.

With all her strength, Sayaka could only run.

.

.

.

.

.

The doors of the Academy’s main building burst open, surprising and confusing those who were present as they saw Sayaka fall to her knees, exhausted. In her arms, was the White Knight herself, Jurina, barely conscious.

The vampire’s scorched skin started to repair itself as soon as contact with the sun was lost.

“Someone! Please help!” The dhampir pleaded, although she was disheveled and grimy, she was wholly unscathed.

“Jurina’s been poisoned!” Every bit of anguish crushing her heart was made visible on her face as her hands shook while holding her pureblood partner. Murmurs spread through the hall quickly, everyone concerned for Jurina. Three women in white uniforms came, two lifting Jurina from Sayaka’s arms and placing her onto a stretcher, while the other bowed to the dhampir. “Please… save her…” she said in between her heavy breathing. The nurses left, Sayaka watching them roll her down the hallway. Other students whispered voices of concern, but Sayaka couldn’t hear any of them.

.

.

.

.

“She’s in stable condition for now. However, the poison was very strong. We don’t know when she will wake up.”

“This is my fault…If I wasn’t so weak…” Sayaka said bitterly as she and Miyuki stood at Jurina’s bedside. The famed knight was sleeping on a pure white mattress and sheets, an IV injected in her arm, and a mask easing her breathing. At least the darkness helped her heal her burn wounds from the sun, but Sayaka still felt immense guilt. “It wasn’t,” Miyuki said, reassuring her. “You’re the reason she’s still here.”

“But it should never have come to this… I didn’t want her to die. Ha, even though months ago, I wanted nothing to do with her, in that moment…”

As the dhampir’s master, Miyuki understood the discordant emotions flooding Sayaka’s heart. “You’re not a bad person, Sayaka. I’m sure Jurina knows that, too.” “Huh, you think so?” Miyuki nodded, her sincere smile comforted Sayaka immensely. Soon after, the door opened, and Rena stepped in. “Miyuki. We have been summoned.” Although her tone was firm and dutiful, her eyes were obviously glazed with worry as she glanced at Jurina’s unconscious form.

“You wont stay by her side?” Sayaka always felt like Rena was hiding behind a mask, a fortress even. Despite being nothing but kind and supportive, Rena’s true emotions, her heart, was unreadable to the dhampir.

Jurina’s master did not reply. “I’ll see you later, Sayaka.” Miyuki bid farewell.

“Please take care of her.” Sayaka could almost hear the desperation in Rena’s voice. Whatever the reason for Rena and Miyuki’s departure, she swore in hell it had to be terribly important for Rena to chose to leave Jurina’s side at this dire moment.

After the two humans took their leave, there was only silence.

Sayaka pulled up a chair and sat down, still staring at Jurina and vividly recalling everything that had just happened. She remembered a pain in her chest, a tightness, when she saw Jurina growing weak from poison. As if her own body was screaming in denial. A fighter as strong as Jurina shouldn’t be writhing in pain. The sight of her partner suffering felt like a claw grasping her throat, straining her breathing.

She felt like her heart was sinking, like the ground she stood on could cave in any minute.

And she didn’t understand why. Was it some sort of instinct? A whim? Or just some deep feeling in her she had never realized was there..?

Sayaka didn’t know anymore. But she didn’t want to think of anything else. Her main concern was Jurina. The White Knight, who she had disputed and argued with many times, the one she felt deeply that she would be better without.

Someone everyone else in the Academy saw as strong and almost inviolable… was now laying in front of her, vulnerable and fading.

“Jurina… please…come back,” Sayaka whispered, closing her eyes tight as she clasped her hands together.

She glanced up again, her gaze falling on the cross necklace resting on Jurina’s chest. The transit and all the shuffling must have exposed the necklace out of her regalia.

“Astraea…” Sayaka invoked the name of that God, the one she had lost faith in. And with no other reason, she bowed her head.

Deference,

Despair,

Hope.

“If… if you’re real.. Astraea… then I beg of you… spare her.. Spare Jurina’s life. Please… please…”

What am I doing now? I’ve become so desperate to rely on this deity just for her…

Suddenly, she felt something cold. She lifted her hand and touched her cheek.

“You’re… crying?”

Warm fingers tapped her other cheek twice, wiping away fresh tear drops.

Jurina managed to smile faintly under the oxygen mask.

“It doesn’t suit you.”

Sayaka didn’t know if she would cry harder or laugh. The only thing she recognized was the absolute euphoria that washed over her at the sight of Jurina regaining consciousness.

Sayaka was close to breaking down, “I hate you!” Despite her callous words, they both knew it was a lie.

Right then and there Yamamoto, the strongest blood legacy of the Dhampirs, the prodigy, the abomination, all powerful and dense, Sayaka absolutely knew she was screwed.

Matsui Jurina, her fool of a partner, was the reason for this torrent of emotions: fear, insecurity, attachment, loyalty, fondness, longing and perhaps even more.

*~*~*~*

New Star Calendar 15-40, Spring

Memory IV: Understanding Your Heart

“Ah, I thought I’d find you here.”

Without even turning her back, the dhampir knew the owner of such voice. It was the source of both her annoyance and vivacity.

“What do you want, J?” Under the night sky, with these many stars, Sayaka felt at peace.  Perhaps her choice of the roof top as a place to unwind and reflect alone was cliche? Or perhaps, deep inside her, she did want to be found?

A few months ago, a lot of people would claim that Yamamoto Sayaka was a cold-blooded killing machine–rigid, antisocial and distrusting. However, her association with Jurina and Miyuki definitely breathed in new life into the once outcast. Her scheming master and her pesky partner gave her more and more reasons to smile these days whether or not she cared to admit.

“You’ve been avoiding me, Sayaka.”

“You’re so narcissistic.” The dhampir huffed.

Jurina sat beside her partner. She pulled her knees closer to her chest and rested her chin on them. “So what did I do this time?”

“Nothing, leave me alone.”

“Come on, we both know you can’t resist me.”

“Get over yourself.”

A long sigh, “Why do you insist on being difficult? Such a tsundere.”

“What?!” Sayaka finally turned to Jurina irritably, she pulled the pureblood by the collar. Effectively riled up by the allegation. “I am not a tsundere!”

Jurina held the dhampir’s gaze with infallible calm. She searched Sayaka’s dark eyes for some kind of reaction.

Sayaka’s eyebrow twitched. Jurina’s amber eyes seemed to engulf her and she almost thought the other girl was reading her mind. Suddenly, the close proximity between the two of them, their faces barely an inch apart, the ability to notice every detail on Jurina’s face, grew very disorienting.

“Are you so bored to come to me? Why won’t you play around with your fangirls?” The dhampir abruptly looked away, pretending to scrutinize something, anything out there in the dark horizon. Why was it so awkward now? She would have brushed off the pureblood’s antics under normal circumstances.

“Are you jealous?” Jurina let out a melodic giggle.

“Oh for heaven’s sake Jurina, what do you want?” Sayaka swore she could rip out her hair any minute if this mind game between the two of them persisted.

“As I said earlier, you’ve been avoiding me.”

“I’m not, whatever gave you that idea?”

Jurina frowned childishly. “Since that incident in the Weeping Woods you stopped spending time with me. You refuse to eat lunch with me, Miyuki-chan and Rena-sama. You decline every chance to be my sparring partner. You don’t show up to our midnight jogs around the campus and that’s like the only quality time we have left, you know. You also haven’t spoken more than five words to me that isn’t school or mission related. Now, tell me again you’re not avoiding me.” The pureblood proceeded to drone on, hearing her use that immature tone would surely surprise the other students who idolized her. Jurina was amusingly clingy and doting that Sayaka swore she was starting to act like a spoiled girlfriend or something.

“And it’s not like I’m being possessive or anything. I mean, I know you hate being my partner but I thought you finally got over it and we were finally getting along.” There was genuine hurt in her eyes.

Sayaka breathed deeply. “I just have a lot of things in my mind.”

The Sayaka from before wouldn’t apologize, wouldn’t even give a hint of an explanation. “I’m sorry if you felt like I was pushing you away.” But the Sayaka right now was more compassionate, more patient, more honest and refreshingly…more human.

“Tell me why.” Jurina was persistent, that was a fact. Sayaka was so tempted to shut her down, but some part of her absolutely hated the idea of upsetting the vampire. Funny, she used to enjoy provocation and petty squabbles.

Tell you what? That I’m so conflicted with my feelings? That I feel so confused it’s almost difficult to breathe? That your presence or absence affects me? That I can’t forgive myself over the thought of almost losing you? Damn it Jurina!

She wanted to say all those things but couldn’t even begin to weave the words. The last time she let people in her heart, they failed her miserably.

Sayaka scratched the back of her neck. “I’m scared…of getting attached.” She blurted out. It was a neutral statement–it was the truth.

“You’re my partner,” Jurina held on to the other girl’s shoulder. “I won’t leave you, whatever happens.”

Sayaka’s gaze fell to the floor, as if suddenly finding her own shoes captivating. “My mother said that once.” Her tone was laced with sadness and yearning and regret. “But she left. My father and sister too.”

Jurina knew she had opened the floodgates of something, something deep, dark and painful and she could not find it in herself to press on. “I’m sorry for overstepping my boundaries.” She respected Sayaka’s solitude. “If you wish for me to leave–”

“No, I want you to hear this.”

“Very well…” Jurina grew silent as she let the dhampir speak of her past.

“I was abandoned by my real parents but the mother and father I came to know loved me with all their hearts. Regrettably, life has a way to mess us up even further. Mother became a shade and was locked inside the attic; despair ate her inside out. Father tried to kill her before she lost it completely. He couldn’t do it; he was overcome by love and fear and vain hope that she would come back. So mother mangled him and my sister to pieces. Can you imagine how it felt when I came home to their innards painting the walls, mother smiling at me?”

Jurina gave her a look of absolute melancholy. Was it empathy or just pity? “Maybe. After killing so many of them. Maybe I could.” What did a pampered pureblood know about despair?  

The dhampir’s hands shook as she examined them, as if seeing all the blood spilled by her own feats. “She was my family and when I pulled that trigger, when her head exploded, I didn’t feel anything.” She let out a bitter laugh, “The Council summoned me after and since then, I’ve only kept killing to survive. I’m a monster who finds no remorse in death.”

It was clear to Jurina now why the incident of her drinking the dhampir’s blood left a strong response. Sayaka was afraid, mortified of history repeating.

Jurina locked her in a tight embrace. “I’m sorry.” Sorry for what? For letting Sayaka go through that fear again? For not knowing the dhampir earlier to ease her burden?  If she could pour out all her strength, all her devotion and kindness to Sayaka, she would.

No Jurina, you turning into a Shade isn’t the only thing that suffocates me; the fact that I can’t even begin to fathom the thought of losing you scares me to death.

If this is love, I don’t want it.

Before Sayaka could respond, Miyuki appeared behind them. “I apologize for interrupting, but Jurina-chan the Council beckons you. Rena-chan is already at the Shrine of Memories.”

Miyuki and the pureblood exchanged knowing glances before her gaze fell on her own servant, a million things already running in her mind.

.

.

.

.

.

They say love makes us strong;

Makes us hopeful,

Makes us whole.

They say love can conquer odds;

Despite time or distance;

I have only loved you completely,

passionately,

chastely,

But why does it hurt so much?

“Why?!” Jurina cried out, her voice resonating against the walls of the shrine building. Beside her, Rena stood silent, clasping her hands together while staring at the floor. Surrounding them were statues of white stone, their eyes obscured by pieces of red cloth. “It has come to our attention that you have both been showing signs of romantic affection. And though it disheartens us to arrive at this decision, we are merely acting according to the Laws of–” “Why?! Why is that so wrong?!”

“Jurina-sama, you should know very well that harboring romantic feelings for your master is forbidden. And you both have been shown guilty of this very act.” One of the Council members retorted. “These affairs you’ve been having are a violation of the vows you have sworn as only master and protector. You, Jurina-sama, are nothing more than her knight. To fall in love with her is simply–” Another tried to reason out. “Simply what?” Jurina would not hear any of it. Tears welled in her eyes. “What’s wrong with loving her?”

“Affairs between humans and vampires are proscribed because they produce dhampirs–those vile, disgraceful creatures.”

“You know nothing about them!” The young vampire took offense. “Jurina…” Rena attempted to placate her servant. Jurina’s emotions were all over the place and she feared it would do the vampire more harm than good to rebel against the Council.

“Rena-sama is beautiful and kind, she’s diligent with her work, and she cares for others. More than anything, she cares for me.”

The Council grunted and grumbled in disappointment.

“To not fall in love with her…is impossible.”

“Jurina, that’s enough!” Rena’s voice rose, she held the vampire’s shoulder. Although her heart almost leapt out of her chest, although every part of her was breaking, she was the rational one, she was the responsible one, she was the obedient one.

“R-Re…na?”

The senior member of the Council spoke, “Matsui Jurina, you are sentenced to 50 years of isolation in the Labyrinth of Shadows. Your release will be conditional. All your activities are put on hold as of this moment and you will be relieved from this institution until further notice.” Anti-magic chains were cuffed on Jurina’s wrist.

“Please stop.” Rena asserted. “I’ll take responsibility for this… So, don’t say anymore.” Her voice was calm and unwavering, even though Jurina could see droplets of tears forming at the rims.

Jurina felt Rena’s grip tighten on her shoulder.

“I’ll accept the punishment.” Rena would do anything within her power to protect her knight, at least this once, it was her turn to save Jurina. “Rena-sama, you can’t! Please don’t do this.” The chains that bound Jurina rattled as the council members fought to subdue her.

“It’s okay… It’ll be okay,” Rena coaxed, trying to reassure the crying vampire. “I don’t regret… loving you, Jurina.” Rena kissed her cheek, her lips touching the tears that streamed down. She gave a bittersweet smile before walking past Jurina’s inconsolable form, facing the Council. She pulled back the band holding her hair in a ponytail and allowed the raven locks to flow down her back. “As atonement for my actions, I shall relinquish myself as Matsui Jurina’s master. With this, I abdicate my family’s seat in the Council.” “No! No…you can’t! I refuse to accept it!” “Very well. Hand over your Lacryma ring.” Rena removed the ring from her finger, handing it to the senior member. She was then handed a small blue bottle. “With this elixir, you surrender all your memories. Everything will be as if it had never been. And you shall leave this place.” “Don’t… please, don’t leave me alone…Rena…” Despite the strong metal binding her, Jurina fought to stop the ritual. Rena turned back, wiping away a single tear as she gave one last smile.

“Goodbye… Jurina.”

With those words spoken, she lifted the elixir to her lips and drank in one swift gulp.

Jurina wept bitterly, still trying to reject the reality that was unfolding before her. Why was she so foolish? Why did this twisted restriction exist? Why could she not be free to love who she wished? How could something so pure and innocent be a sin?

Setting the vial down, Rena slowly walked back to the crying vampire. “Jurina…” She spoke lovingly, raising her hand to hold the vampire’s cheek and wipe away the fresh stream of tears. “As my last request… please don’t cry for me anymore. Someday, I want you to be happy.”

Even though it was against every fiber of her being, everything that loved Rena, even as she cried, Jurina could not deny her or disobey. She knew she had to fulfill Rena’s wish, even if it only brought her anguish.

“As you wish…Master.”

Rena’s eyes then sealed close as she collapsed.

Jurina caught her before she hit the floor, kneeling down as she cradled the most important existence in her life. She choked on a sob, “Goodnight, Rena-sama.”

…

As Sayaka returned from the rooftop, she saw Rena down the hall, being led by a much older woman. Her once sanguine eyes were now downcast as she headed toward the main doorway of the Academy.

“Rena-san?” Sayaka called out, catching the human’s attention. “Where are you going?”

Rena gave her a puzzled look. She ignored Sayaka and continued her regular course.

“Hey, wait!” Sayaka ran to her, grabbing her by the arm. “Did you see Jurina? What did the Council have to say?”

“W-what are you talking about?” Rena answered, backing away slightly at the sudden intrusion of this nameless stranger. “Who’s Jurina?”

“Wh-?”

“Excuse me,” The old woman forced Sayaka to release the former master. She then nodded at the human, “You may go, Rena-sama. I’ll have a word with this student.”

“All right.” Rena quickly left, heading towards the exit.

“What’s going on here? Why doesn’t she–”

“Matsui Rena-sama has relinquished her duties here,” the woman explained. “The Council has performed an Overwrite.”

Sayaka furrowed her brows. “Overwrite…? What the hell is that?”

“To put in simple terms, she had her memories of her time here as Matsui Jurina’s master wiped from her.” “What? Why would you–Jurina wouldn’t…”

“I know you’re new and you probably weren’t informed, but I will tell you now so the same mistake would not be made. Rena-sama and Jurina-sama acted against the Laws vowed between master and protector, and as punishment, Rena-sama took it upon herself to step down from her position and abandon her memories.”

“So what now? Jurina’s without a master?”

“Don’t fret. The Council should be preparing a new master for her, as we speak.” …

The silver moon was the witness to her cries of misery. Jurina wept under the night sky, holding her knees as she bitterly cried over Rena’s departure. She was on the verge of letting herself waste away until sun rise. Perhaps, it would be less painful to burn to death than to endure a life without her master.

“I know you wanted me to be happy… but, Rena-sama… I… I can’t…do this….”

While drowning in her thoughts, a new voice broke her from her reverie. “Will you be okay? Dawn is approaching.” She looked back and saw a young girl, a high schooler? Short brown hair framed the girl’s face like a japanese doll. Jurina quickly wiped away her tears, she hated being seen in such a vulnerable state.

“I apologize for my unsightly appearance, my lady.” She struggled to maintain composure. “Would you unburden your heart upon me?”

“I-I… don’t want to talk about it.”

“I understand. But still, here, take it.” The girl pulled out a handkerchief, handing it to Jurina.

As she accepted, that’s when she saw it;

A ring on her finger, white stone glistened like the brightest of stars. The very same one that Rena once wore. The vampire lifted her chin, her eyes wide. “…Who are you?” “Forgive me for not introducing myself first.” The girl bowed. “My name is Miyawaki Sakura. As of this moment, I am bound to you, Jurina-san.” This dainty girl, Sakura, was her new master.

*~*~*~*

New Star Calendar 15-281 Autumn

Memory V: Retribution

Jurina’s actions were not without punishment, of course. But, thanks in part to Rena relinquishing herself and fully accepting her fate, the burden of Jurina’s punishment had been lightened. Instead of 50 years in an ever-changing and mind-scrambling labyrinth, she now only had to spend one month wandering in there.

All alone, with only her memories of what once were.

She cried for her until her eyes were sore, red and puffy, and her voice grew hoarse from her bitter weeping. Every moment she closed her eyes for sleep, she dreamed only of Rena. Those dreams which once made her heart warm and brought her serenity, not only gave her heartbreak and restless nights.

She began to think years in the Labyrinth of Shadows would be far less painful than this. That letting her mind shatter from multiple dead ends and ghosts of the past haunting her, would cause her less suffering than a life without Rena by her side.

Chains at her wrists, curled up in her own corner of the maze, she grasped onto the Polaris cross around her neck.

“Astraea-sama… give me salvation… before this despair claims me…”

….

Miyuki sat comfortably, drinking her afternoon tea and browsing through the book she sequestered the last time Sayaka raided an old church library turned sanctum for Shades. She enjoyed getting trinkets from Sayaka’s missions.

The dhampir emerged from her master’s chambers, elegantly wrapped boxes of clothes stacked like a tower in her arms. “Where did you want these annoying textiles?”

“They’re the latest parisian fashion Sayaka, don’t be so tasteless. Put them in the corner and join me for some tea.”

“Oui oui, Mademoiselle Belle!” The dhampir jested. She accomplished her task before sitting beside her master.

“Why have you been spending time in my room so often?” Miyuki raised a brow, her tone highly inquisitive. “It’s quite unusual, are you ill?”

“I am not.” Sayaka was quick to rebuff. She poured tea for Miyuki before having her own.

“Hmmmmm, are you love sick then?”

Sayaka almost coughed out her tea. “Hell no!”

Miyuki’s fingers fumbled with a french macaron on her plate. “I’m your master, I know your heart, Sayaka-chan.”

“Of course you do, Miyuki. You’ve been playing me for so long.” The dhampir snorted, she was stopping herself from guffawing.

“You have to give me more credit. With a thick-headed servant like you, other Masters would have forced you into submission long ago.” Miyuki was every bit correct. Her relationship with Sayaka was unheard of. There was no formality between them, no honorifics or docility. The dhampir enjoyed her freedom much fully than others but she was unmistakably loyal to her human custodian.

“Well, if it wasn’t me, any other minion would bore you to death.” Sayaka knew Miyuki’s preferences, things she disliked, small nuances in her personality that other people would gloss over. It was surprising, the dhampir was not one to follow any authority figure but Miyuki was special, Miyuki was fun and interesting.

“True, you provide me much needed entertainment in this mundane life.”

“You make it sound like I’m just a tool, I’m hurt.” Sayaka feigned being offended.

The human snickered. “Well, so what’s really  bothering you?”

“Why do you and Jurina always assume something’s up when I get all friendly?”

“Because Jurina-chan and I find it highly suspicious.”

“How’s Jurina?” Sayaka turned serious, it has been three weeks since she last saw the pureblood after the latter’s punishment took effect.

“She’s holding on. The Labyrinth of Shadows is a torture chamber, but it only manifests the darkest parts of your soul. It won’t show you what’s not there.” Miyuki opposed the vampire’s punishment but she could not gather enough support to veto it.

“I hate these archaic laws of your people. Those purebloods too, they’re all fanatics.” Sayaka tried to fight her way into the Labyrinth to haul Jurina’s ass out of there one time. But she was greeted by a whole delegation from The Sect and it was impossible to resist.

“Me too.” Miyuki sighed deeply. “But we’ll see her soon. Besides, her new master has been religiously visiting her everyday. Don’t think that Jurina would falter that easily.”

“New master, huh?”

“Sakura-chan may be inexperienced but she’s genuine.”

“She’s young, only 16 summers or so. I guess something like that would be natural.”

“Still, I’m worried. It won’t be easy for Jurina to open up to Sakura-chan, moreover, let go of her feelings for Rena. But, if she doesn’t soon…” Miyuki frowned, setting down her tea. “She could very well become consumed by despair and enter the first stage of catharsis.” If Jurina allows the Labyrinth to consume her, the Council would dispose of her without second thought.

“I’ll kill her before that happens.”

“I’m sure you’d be ordered to.” Miyuki held Sayaka by the chin, urging the dhampir to look at her. “I know you feel for her quite strongly, so hear me out when I tell you this…” She wasn’t hard to figure out, really.

Sayaka was at a loss for words at the sudden intrusion to her personal space. Talking about her emotions was something she would never be well-versed in. She did not know how to respond to her master’s insinuation.

“Rena is an existence you cannot eclipse. But you give her strength in a different way, Sayaka. Jurina will come back to us.”

The dhampir’s gaze fell to her side, as if embarrassed. “Why are we having this conversation, Miyuki?”

“Because I’m the only one you’d listen to. You should be more honest with yourself. It’s all right to want something…or someone, Sayaka.”

…

Sakura crouched down to her servant’s body sprawled out on the stone floor. Gently, she lifted Jurina’s head to rest on her lap.

The vampire’s eyes languidly opened, she was greeted by her new master’s earnest countenance. “Sakura-sama, is it really you? Or am I still dreaming?”

“You are indeed awake, please don’t overexert yourself.” Sakura prevented Jurina from rising up, as the other girl attempted to pay respect.

“I apologize that you have to see me like this.” Jurina’s time in the Labyrinth broke her spirit; the pallor of her skin, the dark circles around her eyes, the fragility of her hair and weakness in her voice–all of it was alarming. “I have only brought you discomfort since,”

The human tried to wipe away the dirt that sullied the vampire’s face. “Jurina-san, I cannot replace what your heart has lost. But I will try with everything I have to ease your burden.”

“I do not deserve my lady’s kindness.” Jurina grasped the hand that lay on her cheek with all the life left in her.

*~*~*~*

New Star Calendar 15-287, Autumn

Memory VI: Passion

Less than a week had passed like nothing. The air was starting to turn crisp from the coming winter, and the clouds in the night sky hid the stars and the moon. Finally, Jurina’s confinement in the Labyrinth of Shadows came to an end. Sayaka was informed by the head sentinel that Jurina was ready for extraction.

She was led by the guard clad in black armor, the maze shifting its pathways to make a straight path to Jurina’s location. Sayaka looked past the guard to see her partner, collapsed on the ground.

“Jurina!” Sayaka quickly ran to Jurina’s side, distraught with what she saw. The vampire had lost weight, and was deathly pale. The bottoms of her feet were covered in dirt and scratches. The anti-magic chains left red ring marks on both her wrists.

“Damn old bastards! How can they do this to you?” Sayaka supported the vampire.

“At ease, Sayaka” Jurina rasped, still trying to maintain military decorum. “Let’s go home.”

…

Miyawaki Sakura sat on the divan, her hands tightly grasping the fabric of her skirt as she waited for Miyuki’s next words.

The older master paced to and fro her suite’s salon adorned with an old oak center table and a leather chesterfield. She rubbed her chin. “So, what you’re saying is that you inherited Rena’s consciousness?” Miyuki was a bit skeptic of Sakura’s claim, in all honesty.

“Indeed, Miyuki-san… I was given her strategic expertise, her archives, her memories…everything.”

Miyuki stopped pacing, “Everything? Even her feelings?” Her words were almost tinged with exasperation. “I don’t know how The Council does their ‘Overwrites’ but–”

“Not her emotions; it’s impossible to absorb that. Still, I ‘remember’ her fondness towards Jurina-san.”

“That saves us the effort to teach you how these battles are fought.” The older girl sighed in relief. “And also saves us from a rather sticky situation…”

Sakura looked at her quizzically.

“Sakura, you see…my servant has become quite attached to Jurina. And as her Master, I would do anything to safeguard her feelings. I can’t have you complicating things…”

“I don’t understand what you mean. They’re partners, it’s only natural to be so attached. I cannot grasp just where I stand in that equation, Miyuki-san.”

Miyuki flopped to the seat beside Sakura, holding her by the cheek.  “My dear girl, it’s amoré.”

“A-amore?” Sakura’s cheeks flushed a bright shade of pink. “You mean ‘love’?!”

“Philia, Pragma, Mania, Ludus, Storge, Agape, Eros. Whatever you call it, darling.”

“E-e-eros?!” Sakura blushed even harder.

Miyuki chuckled. “Could it be… you’re a virgin?”

“Miyuki-san, I’m sixteen!”

The older woman smiled, seeing Sakura get so embarrassed, her ears were turning red. “Sweet sixteen, I see. You’ll find the garden of roses quite enticing.” She then stood. “Well, I’m glad you took some time to visit me. Sayaka and Jurina will return soon, shall we make our preparations, Sakura-chan?”

“Preparations?”

Miyuki pulled her by the hand as they made their way to the kitchen.

Sakura stopped from walking, “But you know Miyuki-san….with Rena-san’s memories… It almost felt like she knew The Council would do this and that she was trying to make Jurina-san rely on other people in her absence.”

Was that why you were adamantly requesting for a partner for Jurina? Despite the fact that she didn’t need one? Did you know you would leave, Rena? Miyuki speculated in her mind.

….

Sayaka lifted her gaze from polishing the barrel of her handgun as loud knocking echoed. She proceeded to receive the person at her doorstep. “Who is it?”

She found Jurina in the corridor, covered only by her sleeping robe. Her expression was one thing Sayaka couldn’t quite piece together, but she was sure the vampire was mildly shaking. “What’s wrong, Jurina? Have you reported to Sakura already?” They parted ways a few hours ago after arriving at the academy. Sayaka resolved that it was proper for Jurina to confer with her new master first, the pleasantries between them could wait.

Jurina did not speak, without the dhampir even inviting, she walked into her partner’s quarters.

“H-hey,”

When the vampire lifter her gaze, she did not look Sayaka in the eye. Suddenly, the decrepit old world map that hung on the wall was more captivating. “I thought I wasn’t coming back.” Jurina whispered.

“But you did. You’re just too stubborn to kill.” The dhampir tried to make light the stifling atmosphere around them. It was their first real conversation after Jurina’s time in the Labyrinth. She could only imagine the horrors that haunted the girl there. “Take a seat, I’ll get you something hot to drink.”

Before Sayaka could even take another step, Jurina grabbed her by the wrist. “I dreamt of you. Well, it was mostly about Rena, but you were there…many times.” The vampire finally locked gazes with her partner. Her amber eyes glistened against the light of the fireplace.

What was this girl doing? Did the Labyrinth mess her up too much? A few screws loose? Sayaka was bewildered. She attempted to play it cool, “Was I trying to slay you?” She let out an awkward laugh.

“No… you were…we were…” Jurina’s voice trailed off.

Sayaka breathed in deeply, as if trying to compose herself. “You’re tired. Get some rest, J.” She fought hard to sound neutral, Jurina’s fingers interlocked with her hand and a jolt of electricity shot through her spine. Her mind could barely register what was happening.

“Sayaka…I…” It was then and there that Jurina’s facade shattered. She started sobbing uncontrollably. Her shoulders shook as her and Sayaka’s twined fingers unraveled.

“What did they do to you? Tell me? I won’t forgive them–” As Jurina buried herself in Sayaka’s chest, the dhampir felt her blood boil, the sight of her partner suffering, breaking down, filled her with indignation that she was sure she could go out on a rampage. That torture chamber should be outlawed, she would burn The Council to the ground if she had to.

“I want to die…I want to die…” Jurina repeated over and over again as Sayaka enveloped her in a tight embrace. She felt like a hole was being burned through her heart, like her lungs were flooding with water. Was she spiraling into catharsis? Was she finally losing herself?

Rena’s departure, her family’s unbelievable expectations, the Council’s disappointment, everyone’s judgment, the thought of failing Sakura, her new master–Jurina wanted to just disappear.

“Look at me. Look at me, it’s over. Those ghosts won’t reach you” Sayaka tried to calm her. She urged Jurina to meet her gaze. “You promised you won’t leave me.” Her hold on the vampire did not falter.

Jurina’s whimpering eased for a moment. “I’m so afraid…that you’re not real too.” The Labyrinth of Shadows chained her to her misery, showed her what she wanted, gave her what she feared. It was a realm of illusions, a dungeon that broke her over and over again.

“Sayaka, I need–” Before she could speak further, Sayaka captured her lips. The kiss was scorching and impatient, slick with lust. The dhampir’s lips were soft and disarming that Jurina swore she would melt and drop on her knees if not for her partner’s grip on her back and hips.

Jurina caressed the sides of Sayaka’s face, fingers trailing from the dhampir’s cheek to her clavicle. Tongues battled for dominance as threads of saliva hung from their lips each time they plunged and withdrew from each other’s mouth in an almost animalistic frenzy.

Sayaka’s real, she’s warm, supple, fragrant; she’s here.

The vampire was panting breathlessly while undoing the buttons of Sayaka’s tunic. Deft fingers trailed circles on the dhampir’s toned abdomen. “Stop me now.” Jurina leaned in so that their foreheads touched. A little more and she swore it was the point of no return.

“No. Tell me you want this.” Sayaka moaned as her partner sucked on the sensitive flesh just below her ear; fingernails digging into her arm and hips. Carnal desire filled her with unbearable wanting. Her hand found its way inside Jurina’s nightgown, proceeding to disrobe her. “…as much as I do.”

Jurina pushed Sayaka to the bed, falling just above the older girl forthwith. Her lips hovered over her partner’s face, her knees buried on the mattress on each side of Sayaka. “Let me lose myself in you.” She finally discarded Sayaka’s blouse and dove into her chest, leaving red marks in the wake of her kisses.

“As you wish.” Sayaka yanked Jurina, skillfully maneuvering her body so that she was now on top of the vampire. “Tonight, you won’t remember anything else.” Her fingers sank between Jurina’s thighs, stifling the vampire’s moans with feverish kisses as she worked her body senseless.

Over and over and over again, without time to think or to speak, without time to resist– waves of pleasure tore Jurina’s body apart. Her mind was a rupture of colors, her senses filled with their mingling scents, her hands fisting on the bed sheets. The vampire’s body grew hypersensitive that the mere brush of Sayaka’s fingers made her quiver.

Back arched, mouth agape, eyes tightly closed.

Her body trembling and her breathing all frantic.

Each time she rode her high, she could only moan Sayaka’s name.

Yamamoto Sayaka was her damnation.

Yamamoto Sayaka was her salvation.

Whichever it truly was, she did not seem to care anymore.

.

.

.

.

.

When the sun rose, their limbs were still tangled beneath the sheets. Sayaka couldn’t remember how many times they made love last night, her body ached in all the right places and love marks were scattered about on both their skins. She glanced to her side and found Jurina still sleeping. Although her strength was spent, for the first time in a very long while, Sayaka was at peace. She closed her eyes again, willing herself to submit to the lullaby of Jurina’s soft breathing.

When she awoke the second time, Jurina was watching her.

“Good morning,” the vampire greeted, a fresh flush of red tinted her cheeks.

What is she? A virgin? Sayaka almost laughed at her partner’s hesitant voice. “Good morning, are you well?” She responded.

“Why don’t you hate me?” Came Jurina’s abrupt question.

It wasn’t the best ‘morning-after’ debriefing Sayaka imagined.

“Look, I don’t feel like a rebound, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“But to suddenly ask from you this…this…” The vampire could not find it in herself to continue her own sentence.

“I wanted that…I wanted you. No more arguments.” Sayaka was always frank, never one to mince words just to appeal to others.

Jurina nodded then stared at the ceiling, “During my time in the Labyrinth, I would dream of you often. It confused me very much. Then, that night when you came for me, I was sure… I felt something strongly.”

“I don’t expect you to let go of Rena so easily. But I’m feeling what I’m feeling and it won’t disappear anytime soon.” Sayaka sighed, but her words were woven with understanding and patience. She knew how it felt to start over, to regain the feeling of your legs after a nasty fall.

“It wouldn’t be as troublesome if you hated me instead.” Suddenly, the turbulent days from the past, back when they were both still struggling to understand, more so tolerate each other, seemed less complicated.

“But I don’t. So stop stressing too much.” Sayaka shifted to her side, a bit annoyed at her partner’s brooding.

“Rena once said that she wanted me to be a ‘light’ to you.” Jurina drew closer and wrapped her right arm around Sayaka’s waist. “But it seems you’re the one who’s keeping me alive.” She buried her face on the dhampir’s back. Sayaka smelled like rain, and lilies and gunpowder.

Sayaka held Jurina’s hand on her hip. “Just get some sleep.” She interlocked their fingers. “I’ll stay in with you until noon.”

*~*~*~*

Present time: Winter

The smell of blood reeked in the air; death would finally end its long courtship.

How did it all come to this again?

Sayaka remembered being impaled by something, It was sharp and big, it came right through her ribs.

Was it a Claw? A tailbone? A fang?

Ah, we were fighting a snow leviathan conjured by The Necromancer. A mighty demon from the Book of the End.

We had him cornered, almost defeated but that devil escaped!

She felt its large tooth break through her flesh; she saw red liquid gush out of her body before collapsing. She wanted to fight, wanted to chase down the damned devil that played with life and death. But her body wouldn’t move. She couldn’t even lift a finger.

The kiss of the snow against her skin,

Jurina’s cries,

Her shaking hands;

Lingering feelings of warmth.

I saved her, I ran without even thinking…just to save her.  

Sayaka lost consciousness.

.

.

.

.

 There was darkness, infinite darkness like a cage that constricted her breathing. Light came to her in small flickering flashes.

“She won’t last another night.”

“You’re lying! Shut up, you’re lying!” Miyuki’s voice rang defiantly.

“Miyuki-san, please get a hold of yourself.” Now it was Miyawaki.

“Do something or I will destroy this campus. It matters not if they execute me.”

Then it was Jurina–full of rage,

Full of hurt,

Full of desperation.

“Don’t be an idiot, J.” Sayaka wanted to say, but darkness claimed her.

…

The next time the dhampir came to, she recognized the ceiling of her room. Her body felt like lead and her lungs burned. It was a pain to even try to sit up.

Her vision readjusted and she found Miyuki running immediately to her aid.  

“Sayaka, don’t move too much! You’ll re-open your wounds!” She noticed the bandages all over her body, bloodstains were particularly heavier on her torso area.

“Why am I alive?” Sayaka rasped; it almost sounded like she was irritated that her demise had been undone.

Miyuki swore she would hit her servant in the face if not for the dhampir’s injuries. “Can’t you be thankful instead? You jerk!” Although her words were harsh, tears were actually welling in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, I was trying to be funny…”

“Don’t. Everyone’s on the edge just to bring you back.”

“How did you do it?” Sayaka was sure it was her final curtain call. There was no hope in cheating death, and yet her she was.

“I didn’t.” Her master’s voice was firm, “Jurina revived you.”

“What is she now? The Virgin Mother?” At that, Miyuki struck the back of Sayaka’s head.

“Ow! Easy on the hemorrhage, woman!”

The human handler was furious. “She gave a fragment of her soul to save you! You unbelievable heathen!”

“It’s alright Miyuki-chan. Sayaka’s alive, it’s all that matters.” Jurina’s voice interrupted their banter, followed by the slow closing of the door. Both occupants of the room couldn’t break their gazes from the new comer.

The vampire made her way to Sayaka and Miyuki. An eerie veil of calm graced her features. Her raven hair had grown out past her shoulders and her left iris was noticeably ash grey.  “You’re finally awake.” Her voice was leveled, almost frosted.

Sayaka was expecting a warm hug, a whiny chiding or some show of affection. Not this…not this empty reaction.

“Y-yo.” The dhampir greeted her with mixed feelings. If Matsui Jurina choses to put up her walls then Sayaka would respond accordingly. “Been a while Juri–” She was unable to complete her sentence.

Jurina collapsed on Sayaka’s bedside,  holding onto the latter’s arm in an iron grip; as if fearing that her partner would disappear. Tears rolled down from her normal eye. “I…I missed you so much.”

Sayaka ran her fingers through the vampire’s long hair, urging her to calm down. “I’m back.” She whispered against Jurina’s ear, her voice brimming with life.

…

Vampires have a fragment of Polaris in their souls,

It allows them to use magic;

Makes them immortal.

A full squad of soldiers carried out their offensive stratagem, reaping through the hoard of Shades that came to besiege North Star Academy. Spells and curses filled the air like fireworks; gunfire and clanging of blades echoed as the creatures of darkness fell one by one against the purest of snows.

“Maintain your positions, don’t let any of them get past the gates!” Sayaka bellowed, her succeeding orders were executed in swift, precise fashion by her subordinates.

I’m a dhampir; half-vampire, half human.

An Abomination, a disgrace…a weakling.

“Woah, looks like our lonewolf has finally matured into a leader.” Miyuki teased before releasing a flurry of slashes from her enormous scythe. Heads instantly rolled from each swipe. She stood beside her servant with taunting confidence as she smirked.

They’ve called me many names.

But it didn’t break me.

“What are you doing in the front lines?!”

“I can’t miss out on all the fun, now can I?” Her master proceeded to effortlessly behead their opponents.

“Captain watch out!” One of her members casted a fire burst against a frosted claw emerging out of the snow under them.

The dhampir gave a nod of gratitude before pulling out her guns and shooting down every hostile target within her perimeter–all head shots.

My fragment is supposedly broken.

But due to some twist of fate,

A gust of wind blew past them and instantly, the Shades shattered like crystal ornaments.  A familiar figure decked in an immaculate military uniform emerged out of the gale, cape drawn as if protecting someone.

A precious person gave part of her soul to save my life.

The fragment of Polaris inside me, the Black Star, has sparked anew.

“Always with the flashy entrance…” Sayaka groaned.

A bright grin was pasted on Jurina’s face. “Save some for us, guys!” Sakura stepped out of the White Knight’s cape. “Dance to your heart’s content, Master.” the vampire bowed gallantly.

Sakura nodded, her choice of weapon was a thin luminous whip which minced the Shades that tried to advance. “This is really exciting.”

Miyuki clapped, her eyes beaming with pride. “She’s growing into a nice Domina, isn’t she?”

“Don’t tell me you gave her that weapon….your fetishes scares me.” The dhampir side commented.

“Oh shut up! I’m sure Jurina’s enjoys it.”

Jurina frowned, covering her master’s ears. “Don’t say such embarrassing things, Miyuki-chan! Sakura-sama is too pure for this kind of talk!”

Miyuki couldn’t help but giggle.

Just then, a livid shriek caught their attention. All gazes were fixed on the approaching snow golem that plowed through the woods. It’s height could easily be compared to a grown Sequoia.

Sayaka and Jurina turned to their masters in perfect synchronization, as if waiting for their directive.

“Please destroy the assailant.” Sakura gave her order.

“I want it decapitated, fast.” Miyuki made a slicing gesture across her neck.

My name is Yamamoto Sayaka,

My partner is Matsui Jurina.

Both soldiers switched to full offense. They sprinted side by side, with weapons drawn, towards their target.

“Better not slow me down.” Sayaka remarked.

“You wish!”

We are soldiers, blood warriors.

We swore to protect this earth;

To destroy Shades;

Sayaka rained bullets on the fiends that tried to overwhelm them.

To hunt down The Necromancer;

To bring peace among all races.

The White Knight sliced her way through.

“This will be a feast!” Havoc boiled under Sayaka’s skin. The dhampir unsheathed a broad saber that she had customized with a gun muzzle, she had just began using it for close combat–not more than a week actually.

Jurina flicked her sword drenched in black blood. “I’m getting fired up!” The battlefield was a strong aphrodisiac after all.

They landed blow after blow against the snow golem, a barrage of assaults that brought it to its knees. The two warriors seemed like they were dancing, each hit was a continuation of a song. Some would fear that the two women were possessed, enjoying the heat of battle to their heart’s content.

Sayaka raised her free hand to the sky, as if summoning the heavens to open. Thunder rumbled, and the clouds began to swirl around her. A dhampir using elemental magic was unheard of. Then again, Yamamoto Sayaka, in her second life, was no ordinary half-blood.

The war against the darkness is upon us;

A bolt of lightning hit the golem, covering it with sparks of electric currents and flames.

And this is only the beginning.

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FIN.

#yamamoto sayaka #matsui jurina #watanabe miyuki #matsui rena #jurinee #fanfiction #akb48 #ske48 #hkt48 #nmb48 #sayajuri #black star #smut #jurisaku #wmatsui #sayamilky #miyawaki sakura

[artificialqueens]

Say You Won’t Let Go Part 4 (Biadore) - Fucking Awful

A/N: As promised, a faster update!

For those joining this party now – here’s the link to the first installments:

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3

Here we pick up in Summer 2015, 3 months after Part 3. **UPFRONT STYLE WARNING** There is a lot of exposition in the beginning, and one totally convenient moment of flashback. They help explain what’s happening here without dragging the story on forever, so #sorrynotsorry

Oh, and as a reminder, the song: Say You Won’t Let Go

I knew I needed you But I never showed But I wanna stay with you until we’re grey and old

Spring 2015.  At first, after what Danny would mentally refer to as “The Florida Fuck-Up,” it was awkward. So awkward. Danny was trying to act normal, like nothing ever happened, but Roy was clearly putting distance between them. It may have looked like everything was okay to the casual observer, but Danny sensed the shift.  

Still, he tried to rationalize it. Sure, Roy didn’t really talk to him the next day at the Orlando show – but obviously he was just exhausted. And it was totally natural that, at his last BOTS show the next night, Roy avoided Danny completely and got ready in a separate dressing room; he probably just wanted to spend the last day getting ready with Michelle. And it only immediately pulled out of a few international dates with Danny and Shane right after – because he was out preparing and kicking off the tour for Rolodex of Hate.

Yup, all of that was totally normal.

Danny resolved that if Roy was going to avoid him, he would avoid Roy. So, he threw himself into a hurricane of work and travel. Danny was going to occupy as much of his own time as the universe would allow – at least for as long as it took to get over whatever the fuck he was feeling, and for Roy to get back to normal.

Luckily it was a very eventful period in his life. Danny started working on his next album, played live music shows across the country, toured for Drag Race around the globe, made new friends with all the Ru girls, shot music videos he was artistically proud of…he even started dating someone new, but more on that later.

Of course, it wasn’t all good – life’s never that easy. In the aftermath of his father’s death, Danny’s own health got a little out of whack from not sleeping. He didn’t want to think to hard about what was keeping him up at night; Danny knew from a few tries at therapy that his relationship with his dad was better left unexamined. The tours were great to distract him, but the pressure to always be “on,” the grueling schedule, and the constant berating from Michelle – and vicious non-fan girls – wore him down. Danny could familiar feelings of depression creeping through his insomnia.

But when things went south, as if like magic, Roy came back. After a month or so of silence, Roy started writing him every single day. The medium would change – Tweets, texts, emails – but it was constant. Didn’t matter if Danny replied or not, Roy worked his way back to being a constant in his life. And all as if everything was cool and casual.

It took Danny some time to get used to that. Their first real conversation was that June, just before Roy’s birthday. He invited Danny on a group trip to Mexico, a vacation to celebrate his 40th birthday. As badly as he wanted to go – to celebrate with Roy, to hug him for the first time in months, to see his half-naked tanned body sparkling in the ocean – he ultimately said no. Alcohol and hotel rooms seemed to spell trouble for the two of them, and Danny couldn’t trust his own limited sense of self control; if he went, there was a 99.9% chance he’d end up pinning Roy against a wall and embarrassing himself yet again.

So instead Danny sent a gift, and a stupid funny card with a made up excuse about recording dates he couldn’t miss. Roy sent him a string of texts that alternated between Bianca angry and legitimately angry – more of the latter when he realized Danny lied. He must have forgiven him quickly, though, because just on the 4th of July Danny got a surprise in the mail.

–

July 2015. For the first time he could remember, there was a package waiting on his front porch on a sunny Saturday. It was a small box – bright red paper, obnoxious bow twice the size of the box itself. Inside a key – not a regular brass or silver one, but one of those ridiculous things with custom images printed on it. This one had Pennywise the Clown stamped all over it. Underneath, there was a note:

If you’d bothered to come to Mexico instead of being a lying piece of shit, you would’ve heard this in person – I’m getting a place in LA, and planning to be there at the end of July and most of August. Housewarming on July 24th. Be there or you’re dead to me, cunt. Address on the back. Love you, pussyfart. 

Danny was thrilled. This was a clear gesture of forgiveness for his admittedly childish behavior – not just for the birthday, but for all of it – and he wasn’t going to wuss out on finally seeing Roy face-to-face. He grabbed his phone and fired off a text.

Danny: Just got your special delivery – admittedly not the kind of package I was hoping to get today, but it’ll do. Wouldn’t miss it for the world, see you in a couple of weeks. Miss you xx

His fingers typed too fast to double check what he wrote. Reading it back, he wondered if the dick joke and the extra “miss you” were mistakes. But his phone pinged before he could think too long about it.

Roy: WOW, I KNEW YOU WERE A LAZY QUEEN BUT I DIDN’T REALIZE YOU WANTED DICK DELIVERED TO YOUR DOORSTEP. MENTAL NOTE FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY. DICKMATES.

As usual Roy wrote it off as a joke. That suited Danny – better a joke than have to unpack any of what was really going on.

But then, another ping.

Roy: CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU. MISS YOU MORE. XX

–

When the party finally rolled around, Danny made sure to come with a crowd. He needed back up if he was going to go in live. Rather than risk being alone with Roy – that was a normal thing for best friends to avoid, right? – Danny made sure to link up with Shane, Justin and Willam for comfort. 

“I can’t believe we finally converted that bitch into an LA queen,” shouted Willam from Courtney’s bathroom. He had just finished de-dragging from a Paint Me Bitch, and was checking for last hints of makeup.

“He hasn’t committed to moving here yet. He just got a place out here.” Courtney responded from the kitchen, pouring a final round of Fireball shots before calling the Uber to leave.

“A spot in New York and one in LA? Please, that $100,000 is gonna run out real soon. 2 months and he’ll be LA only, for sure.” Willam paused to rinse his face. “I’m surprised it even took this long, considering how many time I told him he never would. You know he can’t back away from a challenge – first going on Drag Race at all, then moving to LA. Lord knows fish lips can’t turn down a shot.”

Meanwhile, Justin sat with Danny on the couch as they both scrolled through their phones. Danny could see that the party had already started – Detox and Raja were already sending snaps of Roy’s ridiculously nice apartment and the many beautiful men who had shown up to celebrate it. Danny felt a pang in his chest scrolling through pictures of Roy hugging strangers under the kind of romantic lights he’d strung up on his patio.

Who can afford a private deck  in WeHo?, Danny wondered. He was trying to cover a pang that felt a lot like jealousy.

He snapped out of it when Willam walked out of the bathroom and said, “I’m serious, you could probably get him to suck your dick just by telling him you bet he wouldn’t do it.”

Both Shane and Justin ever so briefly but so obviously stopped what they were doing and glanced at Danny. He tried to ignore the comment and the looks, but Danny could feel his face go beet red in response.

“What the fuck?” Danny had hoped he missed it, but clearly Willam caught their split second looks and his lingering flush. “I ain’t stupid or hallucinating, can someone please tell me what just happened?”

A couple beats of silence. Danny prayed they would just stay quiet; Willam wasn’t known for patience, and he’d likely change the subject if no one took the bait for a good 30 seconds. He managed to lock eyes with Justin and send that psychic message, but unfortunately it was too late to reach Shane.

“Danny doesn’t want to talk about it!”

Fuck that fucking koala twink, I swear to God I’ll flush him backwards down the toilet, Danny thought to himself.

“Goddammit Shane, can you not keep your mouth shut!” Before Danny could react, Justin was laughing in feigned anger and threw a pillow at the blonde bartender. “Seriously, you are un-fucking-believable sometimes!”

“Hey, watch it!” Shane had successfully ducked the pillow, and now chucked it back at Justin. “You almost made me spill perfectly good Fireball. Some of us can’t show up to this party sober, especially if we have to hide long-suffering crushes on our host.” Shane threw the back of his hand across his forehead at the last sentence, laying on the drama for comedic effect.

Shane and Justin both seemed to find this situation just sooo funny. Danny, on the other hand, was NOT amused. He shot is Doc Marten-clad right foot across the couch, kicking Justin right in the shin with all the strength he could muster. Clearly that had been a lot, from the way he yelped in response.

“What the hell, Lask? Did you tell Shane what I told…well I mean what I kind of told…what we talked about on tour?” Danny had made a conscious effort not to reveal anything about his crush to Shane, feeling it would be totally unfair to but the C in the middle of A and B. Justin, his mom and Chris were the only ones who he’d even sort of talked to about Roy, and he felt betrayed that his road homie Alaska would sell him out.

“Oh relax, Danny. I’m blonde, not blind. You love Roy.” Shane grabbed an ice pack out of the freezer and brought it over to Justin, who was rocking his leg back and forth. Danny was about to object, but Shane steamrolled on. “You looooove him. Who do you think tipped Justin off? We all saw how broody you were on BOTS, practically dying of unrequited love. You had to talk to someone if you wouldn’t talk to me, and figured Justin was as good as anybody.”

Justin spoke through gritted teeth. “It’s not like Shane really had to tell any of us in the first place. Watching you two I was surprised you didn’t fuck like rabbits right there on the tour bus floor. Every conversation you felt like it came out of either a romantic comedy or the first 2 minutes of some really bad porn.” Justin was rolling his eyes at the memory.  

Shit, thought Danny. So much for being subtle.

“Alright fuckers, once more for those of us who weren’t on your little tour. What is happening here?” Willam scanned the room, determined to get an answer.  

Shane started. “So Danny has a thing for Roy.”

“Duh, I’m not a dumbass. I already knew that. Everybody knows that.” Willam rolled his eyes, clearly unimpressed by the information.

“What?” The flush was deepening on Danny’s cheeks, making a permanent home there.

“Don’t you read Reddit?” Willam looked at Danny and raised an eyebrow. “Besides, who doesn’t want to fuck him and see if those tired ass ‘big dick and no credit’ jokes are true? Shit, I’ve seen the print in the sweatpants. Everyone going to this party would probably like to take a crack at that.”

“I, uh, think it’s a little more complicated than that. Danny is – “

Justin kept talking, but Danny stopped listening. It was like an out of body experience, astral projection brought on by total mortification.

He could not believe this was really happening. Now all the AAA Girls – God, he hated that stupid name right now – knew the T about his feelings for Roy. Feelings that should be irrelevant, because Danny had a boyfriend now, but that certainly were about to get real relevant, real quickly.

Between Courtney’s well-intentioned blabber mouth, Justin’s inability to lie convincingly, and the notoriously gossipy Willam, there was no way this was going to stay under wraps. Especially not with booze around. Danny was convinced that within the next few hours Roy would know he was in love with him and the whole thing would really crumble. It wouldn’t matter that he’d finally figured out how to move on and just push down his feelings, or that he was making all the effort to be normal with Roy. Danny was only 2 shots of that sugary shitty whiskey in, but he could feel his head getting woozy from the combination of fear, alcohol, and embarrassment.

His reeling mind was interrupted by Shane, who threw an arm around him and squeezed tight. “Danny, babe. Don’t worry about it. Everything is fine. I’m sorry I said anything at all. Your relationship with Roy is your business, nothing to make light of or talk about – unless you want to. Do you want to?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely NOT.” Danny managed to spit out, the laying on a thick layer of resolution to mask the fact that he did want to talk about it. Desperately, in fact. Just not right now. “Besides, I have –“

“Jesus, Court. Of course he doesn’t want to talk about it..” Willam reached across the counter and swatted at the back of Shane’s head. He was not the one Danny expected would come to his rescue in this scenario, but life is full of surprises.

Willam continued. “Come on, if he really is all hung up on Hung-lock then why the fuck would he want to talk about it before we go to his party? And, if I’m not mistaken, Danny has a perfectly hot piece of ass to keep him happy anyway. Who needs to talk about an old crush when you’ve got a boyfriend to suck your dick at night, am I right?”

“Ok, well –“

“Ok, well nothing.” Willam cut Shane off before he could even get out a third word. “Let’s take these shots – Redbull for you, Betty Ford –” he gestured to Justin, “and get our asses to this party. We gotta make it there before Jackie leaves for the Early Bird special.”

Shane passed out the shots, while Willam walked behind him topping off the glasses until they nearly overflowed. Justin cracked open his energy drink and they all took deep swigs. Danny could feel the alcohol running through his system almost immediately – he’d barely eaten that day – and was happy that it was finally starting to have the desired calming effect rather than fueling his worries.

“Good work ladies, warm up your throats for the rest of the night.” Willam wasted no time. “Shane, is the Uber here yet?”

“Yup, he’s pulling up now. Grab the stuff we’re taking over there and meet me downstairs, this driver looks cute and I need five minutes to figure out if he’s gay.” Shane grabbed his keys and bolted out the door. His voice descended down the stairs as he called out, “Don’t forget to lock up behind us!”

“Hold up, I already called dibs on any Uber drivers. Do you not understand the concept of ‘Shotgun’ wherever you’re from?” Justin followed Shane, whining as they walked down the stairs.

“Those fuckers are just trying to get out of carrying this” – Willam gestured to the handles of alcohol they were bringing, and several bags of Roy’s stuff he’d left at all their individual apartments over the last 2 years – “down to the car.”

“Doubt it. Never underestimate the dick-pigging of Courtney Act.” Danny retorted.

“Whatever, as long as she wears protection or you drive her to the clinic. You take those, I’ve got the booze and the door.”

Danny picked up the bags and headed for the open door. But before he could cross the threshold, Willam stepped in and blocked it.

“Look, kid, I know we don’t know each other that well yet. But I swear I won’t say a word about this to Roy or anyone else. Swear on my Dolce, on my IMDb page, on Warner – I ain’t saying shit to nobody.” He cracked a smile, a surprisingly warm gesture based on what Danny knew of Willam so far..

“But, if you ever do want to talk about it with someone who will be real about it and not coddle you…that’s what Justin’s for. He’s the Miranda, I’m Samantha.” He stepped out of the doorway and let Danny through.

Danny walked out, calling over his shoulder, “That’s from like Gossip Girl or something, right?” He galloped carefully down the stairs, laughing while Willam ranted angrily behind him.

“I’ll fucking kill you, you Goddamn fetus!”

–

Danny guessed he had been at the party for 2 hours. Time had never been a strong point of his, so he couldn’t be sure, but based on how hard the new shots of (real) whiskey and series of (strong) tokes he’d taken from a few strangers when he first walked in, he figured it must be about 2 hours.

He’d seen Roy for thirty whole seconds in that entire span, just for a quick hug and cheek kiss when he walked through the door with the AAA girls. Roy made a lame joke about no one ever need a 4th A before flitting off to greet more guests.

No matter, Danny didn’t read anything into it. He couldn’t if he wanted to – see: the liquor and weed. He quickly found himself, Jack & Coke in hand, comfortably lounging in a laid out chair on Roy’s fairy light-littered patio. He was there shooting the shit with Detox, Raja, Justin, Sam (the Uber drive that Shane had talked into joining the party), and some guy named John who was clearly D’s trade for the evening. Willam and Shane were off singing karaoke and trying to pretend – not very well, in Danny’s opinion – that they weren’t fucking each other.

“Danny, babe, how’s the music coming?” Raja was packing a bowl so that he could properly smoke.

He closed his eyes and let out a little hum. “Right, I haven’t seen you in a few months have I? Um, it’s going really well. I like the direction these producers are letting me take it, I’m just finalizing some of the first few tracks now.” Raja had put him in his happy place, talking about his work.

“That’s great, brujita. You’re gonna make something really, really great. I know it.” Raja lit the pipe and took a drag, giving Detox a chance to chime in.

“So what’s your vibe on this one? Are you gonna keep up the party thing, or –“

Danny could talk about his music forever. “Nah, not really. I mean, I still want to keep some of that stuff in there, because I know people love it and I know I can do it, but this whole thing is about range for me.” He took the pipe from Raja for a quick hit before continuing.

“They’re letting me write pretty much everything, which is so fucking rad. I’ve got the upbeat tracks in production, and I’m writing some, like, real sexy stuff right now. What I need is something really dark, something kind of angsty. Like painful, grunge-y stuff – very that.” Danny paused for a beat, reflecting on his own writer’s block.

“But I’m having trouble getting that to come out as easy. It’s like I have this – “ Danny raised his hands around his head “ – brain block. I can’t get anything out that feels real. Like, real real. Not fake sad stuff.”

Another pause to shake his head, and run his fingers through his hair – one of his many nervous tells. “But I think I really need that, you know? Something that really chokes your soul. I want to make this some career defining, Nevermind type shit with this album.”

Satisfied he’s gotten his point across, Danny took the pipe back for a third hit in as many minutes. He let his words settle across the group until he heard it.

“Um, what’s Nevermind?” It was that twinky little John kid, looking around the group for any kind of clue as to what Danny was talking about. Raja and Sam laughed, Detox looked mortified, and Danny was ready to pounce. How the fuck could a grown adult not know about Nirvana?

Justin jumped in before Danny could launch into a tirade on Kurt Cobain. “Uh, D, I think you should take the zygote home before Danny goes full Courtney Love or lectures us on the significance of flannel.”

Detox hopped up and grabbed John by the hand, escorting him away from the circle before Danny could formulate his thoughts into a coherent history lesson.

“Anyway…” Sober Justin had a knack for steering conversations for his less than sober friends. “You shouldn’t push yourself to write anything you don’t feel. Just let it flow.” He reached over and squeezed Danny’s hand. 

“I mean, it must be hard to to write something sad when your life is going so great, right?!” For the first time since they’d gotten out of the car, Danny heard Sam speak.

On their drive over, he’d made it very clear that he was a huge Drag Race fan – huge enough not to charge them – and spent the 30 traffic-heavy, car-bound minutes talking about how much he loved each of them and his theories on the show. It was a combination of the free ride, full-out nerd-fest – bordering somewhere between endearing and terrifying – and the fact that you could see his abs through his t-shirt and the cardigan on top of it that made Justin invite him to join the party. The guy had just been following him around all night, staring in awe at him – the Alaska effect, Danny called it. He had honestly forgotten that Sam could even speak.

“What are you talking about? You don’t know me like that.” Danny was confused, and his confusion often manifested itself as defensive. 

“I – um,” Sam was visibly a little bit shooketh. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like I was…I just mean, it must be hard to write something sad when you’re on top of the world! Like, your last album did so well, you have all these fans…” The poor kid was clearly freaking out, and he just kept getting more animated in his adoration for Adore as he went on.

“Your music videos are sickening, and like everyone around the world wants you to come play in these huge cities, and you’re working on a new album…and on top of that, you have an incredibly hot boyfriend! Like, seriously, you have the best life ever.”

Oh right, my boyfriend. Danny hadn’t thought about Joshua all night, maybe even all day. Certainly not since the earlier conversation about Roy.

Truth be told, Joshua was a boyfriend that basically fell into Danny’s lap at the right place and time…

*Flashback – early April  2015.  It was a couple of weeks after the tour ended, when he was still trying every possible thing to get his mind off what happened with both his family and with Roy. A tall, handsome, dark-skinned stranger approached Danny in a Starbucks. He was shocked at first, surprised that someone would have the balls to hit on a stranger in broad daylight in the world of Grindr and DMs…until Joshua explained that he was looking for the laptop charger he’d left plugged in at the table Danny was now occupying. He collected his belongings and left. Danny looked on in total mortification, until Joshua turned around seconds later to properly introduce himself and ask for his number.

Joshua was a PhD candidate, working on his Doctorate in Social Work, who spent a lot of time writing his thesis in that Starbucks. He and Danny both loved video games, the old Batman movies, and tattoo artistry. Their first official date rolled from meeting back at the Starbucks, to roaming The Last Bookstore, to dinner at In-N-Out, to sneaking into the Cinespia showing of Heathers. It ended with a passionate make-out in front of Danny’s apartment, and by their third date they were fucking in between viewings of cult classics and class or the studio.

*Present/Back at Roy’s party. From that first meeting, it was all downhill. It helped that Joshua was buried in his own work the same way Danny as buried in his. He never made Danny feel guilty for long days of recording or late night gigs, because at the same time he was in TA-ing or volunteering or working on his research. The complementary schedules and the complementary interests made it all so…easy.

But easy was getting boring, at least to Danny. They were both so busy that they were seeing each other less and less, and when they did it was just old habits and repeated conversations that didn’t require much effort. In the last few weeks he realized how much he cared for Joshua, but also that he needed more. More spark, more touch, more affection, more fire. He figured Joshua must feel the same way, but be too shy to bring it up. And so Danny had made a concerted effort to get what he wanted.

This week, Joshua was in Mexico with his PhD friends, shoulders deep in frozen margaritas and tanning oil to celebrate end of semester. Before he left, Danny had talked to him about taking their own vacation sometime soon; he hoped that could bring some of the more he was looking for. Joshua hadn’t said much about it, but promised they’d talk about it when he got back. To keep himself excited, Danny was sending him photos and lists of places they could go.  

All this to keep the spark alive, and to show Joshua he was taking their relationship seriously. To prove he could have a real relationship without any real resolution to his feelings for Roy. To prove he could just put his crush on Roy behind him and get behind a tall, muscular, sweet guy like Joshua instead…

“How do you know Danny’s boyfriend is hot?” Raja’s half laughing, half startled voice brought Danny’s mind floating back into the conversation. “Or that he has a boyfriend at all?”

“Twitter, Instagram, all that shit.” Sam responded as if it was so obvious. “That hot guy has been in the background of all his posts and Snapchat stories for, like, months. He’s your boyfriend, right Danny?”

“Uh, yeah. I mean, he’s my – yeah, he’s my boyfriend. Was it really that obvious?” Danny didn’t realize he’d made Joshua such a thing on his social media.

“Well, yeah, I mean at least for people like me who are on watch.”

“Watch for what?” Justin piped in.

“All Stars 2, duh.” Justin froze for half a second, pausing mid-sip of his Redbull so quickly that it was imperceptible. “We all know it’s gonna happen, and sometime soon, so we’re watching out to see if any of you guys go dark because you’re off shooting it.”

“And who exactly is is this ‘we’?” Justin asked, looking a little concerned. “Is there some cult of Drag Race out there trying to – “

He was interrupted by a foghorn of a voice – a voice that still shot fireflies through Danny’s body.

“Who cares. It doesn’t matter, they’re barking up the wrong tree if they think any of you losers are gonna get an All Stars call.” With that, Roy plopped down into the seat next to Danny. “No one would watch that fucking show. I mean, I love them, but we all know just how charitable I – “

“Oh my God, it’s been like a year! Can you please get a new joke?!” The words spilled out of Danny’s mouth before he could stop them. He only hoped it came out funnier than the snide, cutting way he’d meant it.

Danny couldn’t see it, but Roy flinched. Roy could always tell when he was serious. But all Danny heard was his half-joking Bianca response.

“Well I’d ask you guys to write some for me, but for that you’d have to be literate.”

“Ha. Ha. Ha.” Danny rolled his eyes and smiled. “Seriously, get some new material. That shit doesn’t age well, and I don’t just mean yo’ face.” As he teased Roy, Danny relaxed into the small but conscientious space left between them. He settled into his favorite position: leaning into Roy’s left side, head lightly nestled on the crook of his neck, right hand resting just above his left knee. It was a position that calmed him, cleared his mind and made everything ok. Danny had half-sat / half-snuggled that way at least a thousand times on the show and on tour, it was so ingrained in his muscle memory that it he’d done it without noticing.

What he also didn’t notice, all of which happened in the blink of an eye: The hitch and then slowing of Roy’s breath. Justin looking at them with a smile. Raja’s cocked eyebrow. And Sam expression of confusion and glee.

Sam’s voice brought Danny back to reality. “Are you kidding? Everyone would die to see Alaska and Adore back on Drag Race.”

Luckily, he didn’t have to stay there long. “Adore DeLaska would crush All Stars 2, no question. The dream team.”

With the mention of teams and All Stars, Sam had managed to fully redirect the conversation. Justin, Roy, Raja and Sam started debating the merits of the team systems in the first All Stars, quickly devolving into loud argument about why Manila, Latrice or Nina Flowers were robbed. The volume drew people over to join them – Willam and Shane after a quick make-out, Detox after sending his boy home, and some other friends – enough that Danny didn’t have to participate. Instead he could stay silently snuggled up, letting the smoke and whiskey swirl, looking up at the fairy lights, and feeling the buzz of Roy’s chest every time he spoke or laughed.

This was their normal, how their friendship had been before Danny fucked it up. It was exactly what he’d hoped for.

–

Time passed. Again, Danny couldn’t tell exactly how much, but gun-to-his-head he would guess another hour. He was getting so sleepy, eyelids so heavy he couldn’t stop them from drooping. It was too comfortable nestled in Roy to move or try to stay awake.

But his vibrating ass slowly drew him out of the twilight. Really it was the vibrating phone in his back pocket, but in that moment it just felt like his butt cheeks were dancing.  

What really pulled him out of the daze was Roy’s hand – the hand that seconds before had been gently thumbing circles on his forearm – gripping his bicep to shake him awake. “Hey, Sleeping Beauty. You awake? Your ass is ringing.”

Danny didn’t want to answer. Whoever it was, they should know better to call him at 1:30am on a Saturday night. “Ugh, just leave it. Who the fuck is calling me right now, anyway?”

“I bet it’s your boyfriend!” Sam, again.

“Your what?!” This time it was Roy who sounded angry, hoping it would come off as funny. Danny missed it entirely – all he heard was boyfriend.

“My wha – Oh. Oh! Joshua.” Danny was awake now. Joshua hadn’t actually called him all week – just one word responses to all Danny’s texts – and he didn’t want to miss his first call in four days. He hopped off the oversized chair with surprising agility and sped off, missing the upset and baffled look on Roy’s face. He walked straight through the apartment and out the front door, the only quiet place he could think of. He banked on the door not locking behind him.

Alone and able to focus on his phone, Danny checked the call log. 3 missed calls from Joshua, and a couple of texts.

The first, before he called.

Joshua: Hi. Can you talk?

The second, after two missed calls.

Joshua: Danny, call me.

A third, just a few minutes before the last ring.

Joshua: Where are you? I need to talk to you.

Danny panicked. Something was wrong. Joshua was stranded or kidnapped or sick – it just wasn’t right. He immediately called back, but after a few rings there was no answer. He dialed again. And again. And a fourth time.

After four calls, he resorted to his own texts.

Danny: Babe, I’m soo o so sorty!

His own mistake-laden drunk texts. They flowed in a fast wave.

Danny: At Roys party. Couldn’t here phone. Vibezrate.

Danny: Whats happening? R u ok?

Danny: Are u safe? I cn sent help or send $#$$ just come get u yself.

Danny: Tell me ur ok!?!

Immediately there were bubbles. He’s alive. He can type. Danny allowed the thoughts of relief to calm him slightly.

Joshua: Yeah, I’m fine. You’re at a party?

Danny: Kinda. Roy’s. House warm thing.

Joshua: Ok, let’s talk about this later then. Have fun tonight.

Danny: Nooeeooz! Call me! I miss u!

Danny dialed him again, but there was no answer.

Joshua: Seriously Danny, let’s just talk tomorrow.

Danny wasn’t taking no for an answer. He called again – no answer. And again – straight to voicemail, it didn’t even ring.

Danny: Pick up! Pick up pick up!

No bubbles, no response.

Danny: Com on JOhua, I mss u! Want to talk to u.

Danny: Want to show off my boyfriend

Danny: Thy saw u on my Snaps nd stuff they know you’r cute, I wanna show you off!

And then, suddenly, there were bubbles. Long bubbles. Three actual minutes of bubbles, but to Danny it felt like hours. Why the text message took so long to send became immediately clear.

Joshua: Danny, I - Maybe this is just easier to say now. I can’t do this anymore. When we started this, I told you I was looking for something casual and easy. There’s too much going on in my life with school and work and my little brother moving out here… I thought you understood that. But obviously not, you’re talking about taking trips together and calling me your boyfriend – we never even talked about that! Christ, I’m on your social media and you’re telling strangers before we even talk about it. My friends  just showed me all the posts, I feel like I just got fucking ambushed. I just can’t handle this right now. I think you’re so great, but I can’t be anybody’s boyfriend right now and I can’t make a commitment to  you.

Before Danny could finish reading the paragraph, two more texts came through.

Joshua: You should have someone who loves you the way you want them to.

Joshua: But that won’t be me.

Danny was actually dumbstruck. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t blink, he didn’t even know how he was breathing. The only think he was consciously doing was replaying the words “But that won’t be me” over and over and over on a CNN crawl.

After a few brief moments of paralysis, Danny tried to call Joshua. He was convinced he could talk his way out of this.

No answer on the first try. He was psyching himself up to call again, reassuring himself that he could get Joshua back – when he realized he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

Think this through, he forced himself to pause. Was he, Daniel Noriega, really going to beg for a man who didn’t want him? Joshua was right, really. He deserved someone who loved him the way he wanted to be loved. And anyway, hadn’t he spent the last few weeks worrying about getting the spark back? Maybe there was no spark to begin with. Maybe easy – what Joshua wanted, and what Danny found boring – was all they were.

Easy was never going to be enough for Danny. Ever since he was 5 years old and saw that ridiculous Olsen twins’ movie It Takes Two, he always knew he was going to need that “can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of love.” Joshua had probably just saved him from doing what he always did: trying to make more out of relationships than was actually there.

Really, this is a good thing. Danny thought to himself. His brain knew it, but is heart still heart. He felt the lingering sensation of the wind being knocked out of him, and his eyes seemed to be watering of their own volition. No matter how ‘good’ this was, it didn’t dull the pain of raw, total rejection. Memorialized forever in a text message, no less.

After a taking a few minutes to process, Danny knew then that it was time to start moving. Just like after Florida, he went in search of something to distract from the growing (emotional) wound in his chest. He called this ‘shark mode’ – swim or die.

He made a beeline for the group he’d left just 15 or 20 minutes before, hoping to snatch Roy away from the conversation. Danny could use him as a diversion – seize the moment to properly catch up with his best friend and talk until he went numb or he went home, which ever came first.

But Roy was nowhere to be found – not in the chair he’d left him in, not anywhere else on the patio.

“D – “ Danny slid up alongside Detox, who reached an arm around his shoulders and hugged him immediately.

“Hey baby girl, you ok? Your eyes look a little…” Detox pulled an unpleasant face, but still managed to look concerned for his friend.  

Danny could guess why. He knew his emotions had gotten the better of him and that he’d cried just a little, probably making the little bit of eyeliner he had on run, but he didn’t really care.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine. I’m fine.” Danny flashed a half-fake smile. “Do you know where Roy went?”

“Yeah, he walked away right after you got up. Looked like he was going inside. Listen, you sure you’re ok?” Clearly Danny hadn’t been very convincing.

“Yeah, yeah. Totally fine. I’ll just – where did he go?”

Then, a voice from the chair below them. It was Shane. “I think I saw him go into the kitchen, babe. What’cha need?”

“I need to – I need – where’s the kitchen?”

“Inside the apartment, first door on the left.” Shane pointed vaguely towards the patio doors.

“Thanks, I’ll be right back.” Danny took off for the door. He was of singular mind: Find Roy. Talk to Roy. Roy will make this better.

When Danny found the kitchen, he was stopped dead in his tracks by an image that would burn in his brain for months – far longer than any text from Joshua.

There was a handsome blonde man standing next to Roy at the double kitchen sink, laughing very close to each others’ faces. The water was running, both tubs were filling with bubbles, and they appeared to be washing some of the dishes from the party. Danny had seen the other guy around – the friend in the background of WeHo girls’ photos, that’s how he recognized him – and guessed he was somewhere in his mid-30s. He was wearing a tight white t-shirt that highlighted his tan, and from his laughing smile Danny could see that he had equally bright white teeth.

And then, as Danny hovered at the door before interrupting, it happened: Handsome Blonde Man dropped the sponge he was holding and grabbed Roy’s face instead, pulling him in from laugh to kiss. Danny was sure that Roy was going to swat him away – that he’d be grossed out by the soapy water, or shocked that this guy had so suddenly made a move – but he didn’t. Roy threw the dishtowel on the ground, grabbed Handsome Blonde Man by the waist, and backed him against the counters behind them. He deepened the kiss as he did so, taking it from surprise peck to full on make-out. Hands started to wander, Danny saw Roy’s hand go into HBM’s hair as HBM’s hand inched towards the hem of Roy’s shirt –

It was too much. Danny slammed his eyes shut, whipped silently back into the hallway, and took very quiet steps away from the kitchen until he was sure he would be out of ear shot. He ended up in Roy’s sewing room, which was thankfully had no windows to the patio, crouching by a dress form.

And then he cried.

Not silent little tears. Not pretty fat mascara drops. Ugly, wheezing, shaking, as much dry heaving as anything else – real crying. He was desperately using his hands to muffle whatever sound he could, barely snorting in enough air to blow it back out in sobs.

Breathe. You have to breathe. Danny was trying to coach himself out of this.

In for 2, out for 2. In for 2, out for 2. Counting wasn’t helping.

You can’t let them hear you. You can’t let him hear you. Fear wasn’t helping either.

Why are you even crying anyway? Is this about Joshua? Or is it because… Danny knew he needed to stop his train of thought quickly.

Luckily, a wild Willam appeared.

“Danny what the fuck is that noise, did you already find somebody to fu—Oh shit.” Willam squatted down alongside Danny and threw his arms around him. “Hey kid, what’s going on? Breathe, breathe, breathe.” He started rocking Danny back and forth, trying to calm him down.

 Knowing he’d have to explain eventually, Danny decided to just start lying now. Through sobs at every pause, he was able to spit out half the truth: “I – I just got – text – Ro – I mean, Joshua – Josh - Joshua just broke up with me – on – a fucking – text message.”

“Ah fuck that little shit. Fuck him in his stupid face. Where he at in Mexico? I’ll go down there and kill him.”

He appreciated the protectiveness of his new-ish friend. Again, he spoke between sobs. “No – it’s – it’s ok. – Don’t – Just leave it.” Danny was starting to calm down, and was able to string together full sentences without yelping. “It’s not his fault. He did the right thing.” He wiped away some of his tears.

“Ok, so if that’s true then why are you over here crying like Mufasa just died?”

Danny knew he would just have to ramble his way out of this one. Talking endlessly usually got him out of most sticky situations. “Umm –“ But he was drawing a blank.  

“I’m guessing it has less to do with that boyfriend and more to do with your other one. The one who’s in the kitchen right now about to get his dick sucked by a good-looking blonde dude?”

With that, the floodgates opened back up. Danny was back in the throws of tears, shaking and gasping as he curled into a ball.

“Oh, sweetie.” Willam dropped his coated exterior for just a moment. “Shh, shh. It’s ok, let’s get you outta here. Wipe your face, I’ll call you an Uber. Do you want me to go with you? I can get Shane or Jus –“

“No.” Danny wasn’t going to let anyone else into this. “No – I’m – I’ll be – I’ll be fine. Uber is good. I can go al – I can go alone. Just, p – please don’t tell them why I left?” He hoped Willam could keep his mouth shut again.

“You got it boo.” He was already fiddling with his Uber app. “But I gotta tell ‘em something. Can I use the actual boyfriend thing as cover?”

Danny couldn’t tell if he was joking, but he figured everyone would have to find out anyway. Might as well let someone else tell it for him. “Sure, f – fine. Just not –“

“Don’t worry, secret’s safe with me. Now let’s get you up and outta here before you cry on one of these dresses and Haylock comes to murder-suicide you, Shakespeare-style.”

Danny half laughed, half sobbed. Star-crossed lovers was starting to sound about right. Willam helped him up and out the door, fast enough that no one could’ve seen. Danny was grateful for that.

He was still crying when he got into the Uber, but now the wild sobbing had subsided and he was able to reasonably mask the tears from the driver. Letting them flow in silence, he texted Willam.

Danny: Can’t say thank you enough for getting me out of there and covering for me. Muchisimas gracias

Willam: Bitch, I don’t speak Spanish – the fuck you say? Anyway, anytime. Had to take care of my best girl’s best girl.

Danny: Ha, right. Shane’s lucky, glad you know we know.

Willam: We’re not fooling anyone. But I am, right now – story’s already spreading that you went home because of your dipshit boyfriend who broke up with you over a stupid text message. Reasons include: he’s actually straight, he’s ashamed of his small dick, he couldn’t handle you, he’s dying in 6 weeks…

Danny: THANK YOU.

In the midst of their conversation, texts started flowing through from friends at the party.

Shane: DANNY! DANNY! ADORM. I’m so sorry, love. Willam just told us what happened. Are you ok? Call me in the morning xx

Detox: Babe, just heard from Justin. I’ll castrate that Joshua dude in his sleep. Where is he staying in Mexico? Send me his Twitter handle.

Justin: Willam told us about the text. Get some rest. We’ll come by in the morning. Love you, Adore Cilantro.

Raja: Casting spells on that motherfucker tonight, his dick is gonna be real small now.

They kept rolling in – from friends at the party, friends of friends at the party, even his cousin. He had to beg Johnny not to say anything to his mom before he could call her in the morning.

By 4am everything quieted down. But one text never came, the one he kept hoping he would see: one from Roy. That didn’t come through until noon the next day.

Roy: Baby girl, I just heard what happened last night. Sorry, I had to turn in early last night and I missed all the action. Call me if you want to talk about it. Love you.

It was late, and it was a lie. And it made Danny cry all over again.

Danny: No worries, B. Fucking idiot wasn’t worth my time anyway.

–

A week later, Handsome Blonde Man started making regular appearances in Roy’s social media posts.

3 days after that, Danny got the call to do All Stars 2. Roy was the first person he told – via text.

2 days before he left, another package showed up on Danny’s doorstep. Red paper, giant bow. Inside was a black dress – long sleeves, sequins, above the knee. Pinned to it was a note:

Something as beautiful as you are talented. Go kick some ass, pussyfart! We’re rooting for you. Love you xx

Underneath the note was a photo of Roy and HBM, wearing Adore Delano t-shirts.

And it made Danny cry all over again.

—

#fucking awful #say you won't let go #biadore #bianca del rio #adore delano #rpdr fanfiction #submission #sywlg #canon compliant

[witchythoughtsanddreams]

#Repost @whisper_in_the_wood • • • • • • The seasonal shift is being felt here in Maine. I love this time of year! ...brisk August mornings and evenings, cricketsong, hints of color in the trees, and the wild, feral fruit from my favorite beloved apple tree ready for harvesting. They are the perfect baking apples—tart and mildly sweet. Did you know that apples are sacred symbols of the witch? Cut one in half to reveal the pentagram inside.🍎⭐️ . . Don’t the apples look beautiful in my black cauldron cord basket? It is made by my talented friend Gallit @loveline.by.gallit It comes with a beautiful lid, not seen in the photo. You must check out her line of stunning, functional baskets! . . Scroll through to see the apple crisp I make with these jewels. Quintessential taste of Fall! I peel and chop 5 to 6 decent-sized apples and combine them with 2 TBSP of sugar, 3/4 tsp of cinnamon, and a generous squeeze of lemon juice. I place them in a greased 8 x 8 pan and cover with a crunchy topping: combine 1 cup of brown sugar, 3/4 cup rolled oats, and 3/4 cup all-purpose flour. Cut one stick of salted butter into the mix, breaking it up into pebble-sized bits. Bake at 350°F for 45 minutes. Serve warm with French vanilla ice cream and caramel or butterscotch drizzle. Savor! . . Are you noticing the seasonal shift where you are? Blessed Be!🖤xx https://www.instagram.com/p/B1wHP1rHeAQ/?igshid=c7c3x2a7b4qe

#repost

[hopebokki]

30 Question Tag

Rules: answer 30 questions then tag 20 blogs you would like to know better.

I did this a while back, but since i was tagged by @diamante-chan, @lord-seunghyun and @mostlytabi I will do it again, updated version lol. THANK YOU for the tag ~

1. Nickname/s: Lala 2. Gender: Female 3. Star sign: Leo 4. Height: 164 cm

5. Time: 6:59 pm 6. Birthday: 12th August 7. Favorite bands: Bigbang, Winner, Day6, Mamamoo, 2ne1, Monsta X, Hyukoh, One Republic, Twenty One Pilots, Fewjar 8. Favorite solo artists: Bigbang solos, Zico, Dean, Beenzino, will list AKMU and Bolbbalgan4 here too, even tho they’re both duos 9. Song stuck in my head: Malibou - Miley Cyrus (I like the song ok) 10. Last movie watched: Arrival (highly recommended!!) 11. Last show watched: Game Of Thrones season 7 ep 1 12. When did i create my blog: October 2016 13. What do i post: BIGBANG, Daesung, Todae, Winner and Day6 sometimes, as well as others, but it’s mostly BB and Dae lol 14. Last thing googled: Bigbang made shirt (b/c i really need one) 15. Do you have other blogs: I have one, but I’m not active there lol.. -> @aimberh (don’t want to delete either, I hope I’ll find some time for it now during summer) 16. Do you get asks: Rarely.. *hint hint* 17. Why did u choose your url: I got into BB and noticed I often daydreamed.. about them.. mostly about Dae.. so there it is lol (the xx b/c the other versions weren’t available, it’s not pretty but does the job lol) 18. Following: 157 (I need some more tbh, my dash is so dry) 19. Followers: 574 20. Favorite colors: Forest green, blue, grey, black, coral, matt red shades 21. Average hours of sleep: 6 to 7 maybe 22. Lucky number: 12 23. Instruments: used to play piano (had lessons for 11 years) but nowadays it takes me months to learn a new piece lol 24. What am I wearing: a band shirt and sweatpants 25. How many blankets I sleep with: 1 26. Dream job: I’m boring I don’t have one.. does not having a job count ._. something involving international communication kind of thing, idk 27. Dream trip: Korea, Japan, Canada, Finland 28. Favorite food: Mango, blueberries, pizza, lemon-basil-mint-iceream <3 29. Nationality: German 30. Favorite song now: Dinosaur - AKMU (I’m in love)

#tagged #won't tag anyone this time aha #personal

[crushsuggestions]

crush the asks

below the cut i answered a bunch of crush related asks! i’m sorry if i didn’t get around to you, hopefully i can do these more often!

ask: i miss his voice and i miss holding his hand. i miss how his laugh made everything feel okay and how his smile warmed my heart. all i seem to want these days is his affection but i don't think I'll ever achieve that again. and it's utterly heartbreaking.

i’m so sorry! just remember that even if you feel bad now, it will pass, no matter how impossible that seems.

ask: my crush is like hella embarrassing but he's so nice to me. he always calls me babes and i tell him to not but like i don't really mean it. and he's got gREaT leGS, and this stupid fringe that's definitely too long and he makes me laugh. i still feel like nothing will ever happen between us, and next year we're not gonna have any classes together and i worry we'll just kinda stop talking :/:///

set up some sort of connection! you could jokingly ask for their number/skype/whatsapp, whatever you feel like, so you can talk more! whatever happens, good luck!

ask: hey! i have a real crussshh but the person is quite wild, and it's hard to see him regularly... what can i do? have a good day xx

similar to the other anon there! ask for another method of contact that they’d feel okay talking to you on, whether that’s texting or something online! you have a good day too! <3

ask: he likes someone else.. :/

aah, i’m really sorry, that sucks. i really hope you’ll feel better soon, just remember that it’s not really either of your faults, in you for liking them in the first place or you for liking them. best wishes to you anon, i hope you feel better soon <3

ask: Is it wrong for me to have a crush on someone while I'm in a relationship? Like, I'm not going to cheat on my gf for this person or flirt with them, its more of a crush where I stare and fawn over them. I would never hurt my gf like that but, I feel wrong.... am I?

i’d say that feelings are just feelings sometimes. you’re not consciously wanting to go out and have a relationship with this other person and you clearly love your gf. it’s about recognising that as a crush and not acting with it like you’re doing right now. feelings happen! but i’m glad you’re being a good person about it <3 <3

ask: do you have any advice on how to get over someone you see almost every day?

i’d say one of your best bets is to clear the air. if you can talk it out with them, phrasing it as a ‘crush you used to have’ or ‘something you’re getting over’, you might be able to clear some of the tension, whether that’s all in your head or in real life. if you can, try and stop looking at them as a crush (or ex crush) and just as a person or friend. i know that’s a bunch easier said than done though, so i wish you lots of luck <3

ask: sososo,, there's this kid and hes super cute and sweet and im rlly gay for him. buttt im also super awkward and afraid to talk to him about bc i dont know what he'll say or if he feels the same. any advice for overcoming that fear to give things a shot? xx

start up communication before actually asking them out, proposing those kind of feelings! whether that’s walking over to them and talking about something they did/said or just plain saying you think they’re sweet! it’s a good idea to get to a place where you feel comfortable talking! when it comes to the actual introduction, you could even ask a mutual friend to introduce the two of you? also, slow deep breaths, lots of hyping yourself up :D good luck!!

ask: not to sound annoying but did my ask not get answered because it was about having multiple crushes? is that not allowed on this blog. sorry

no, it’s totally okay!! there’s a lot of asks in my box at the minute and i’m really slow at getting around to them because i don’t want to spam people with asks. it’s almost never about the actual content of the ask (unless the ask is intentionally malicious in the situation or towards me i guess ‘:D)

ask: My more than crush is in the philipines. She i told her about how i felt towards her a week or two ago. We talk every everynight usually until 2am about all types of things and i usually just gush to her about how perfect i think she is.I feel really strong feelings for her and every time i tell her she says i don't feel this way and that i'm lying in a wierd voice and it sounds like she's getting flustered. What do i do now?

i’d say you should probably talk honestly about your feelings! if you’ve put forward that you like them and they don’t return your feelings, that’s totally okay on both sides and you can continue the friendship. if she doesn’t feel that way, i think it’s best to leave off on the subject, even if you’re unsure how valid that is, you have to respect her feelings!

ask: I met my crush online over a year ago and I've had a crush on him for 10 months. I think he might like me back but I'm not sure because I don't know if he's actually flirting with me or if he's treating me the same as his other friends since he's generally an affectionate person. He often tells me he wants to hold my hand, hug me, and he loves me, but I'm still not sure that he has romantic feelings for me. I asked him out in August and he said no but that was a while ago, so should I try again?

often with people, you can’t really tell their feelings by their actions, one of the main things you can do is talk it out. instead of asking them out this time and making your feelings clear, you could pull them aside and ask what their feelings are to you. if you can, keep the tone light and friendly, so it doesn’t get too odd for either of you, but i think that might be the best course of action. good luck!!

ask: god i am in love with two diff friends but im also in a relationship w a v cute gal (i love her but its not rlly working idk???) and shit aaaaaaaa i am dying of frustration bc itd be so shit to break up w her bc shes absolutely smitten and i have no idea how to deal???? idk im not making any sense sorry

i really think that if you don’t think it’s working with your current partner, that’s something you really need to address. while you might feel like you don’t want to hurt her, it might not be too nice to not talk about the fact that you don’t think it’s working with her! that’s something very important to talk out and be respectful before considering pursuing another relationship!

ask: so I've had a crush on my best friend for a while and she seems like she could like me back now...how do I hint that I like her???? i have no clue how to flirt, what should i do? thanks so much, i love your blog btw

you don’t have to hint at all! if anything, to avoid getting feelings confused, it might be more clear to have an honest, friendly conversation about it! that’s a little harder than flirting, but it might be worth it in the long run.

ask: I told my bf I loved him when he was really upset about something but I'm not sure if I meant it in the same way I loved him when we were just friends and now I'm thinking I said it too soon? I'm kinda freaking out a bit any idea what I should do?

it’s totally okay, i promise. it might not have been the right time to say it, in terms of them being upset, but it’s okay to be honest with how you’re feeling. if you wanted to clarify with them and speak about that, it might help clear your head a little!

ask: Ok so I have this one friend who I call my son bc apparently I Am The Mom Friend and ANYWAY he's in my drama class and the other day he asked if I had any feelings for anyone in drama but in the 'do you have a crush' voice and I Do in fact have a crush on someone in the drama class but I panicked and was just like 'well there's that girl we all hate and I freaking hate her' and he was like wow that's the worst thing I've ever heard you say about anyone and dropped it but WHAT IF HE KNOWS????????

i don’t know in the slightest gosh!! i think it’s probably best to clarify what you want to say when you talk to him again or if it’s not brought up again, i suppose assume that they didn’t take it that way?? absolutely your choice! <3

ask: There is this girl I really like. We hung out on Monday and we went to a park. I really like her, she's beautiful, funny, has an awesome taste in music and I just really like her. But I think she only like me as a friend. I don't know what to do 😭

the best thing you can do for your benefit is respect her feelings and understand that she doesn’t want a relationship! don’t stress yourself out over it, deep breath, do your best to let it go. there will be lots of awesome people who like you right back, this just isn’t one of them!! aah gosh, wishing you the best though anon <3 <3

P.S.

i’m sorry it’s not too much. i love all of these asks and i’m really glad that people are interested and enthusiastic about my blog but i do have 1,248 asks right now! i’m desperately trying to get around to them, please don’t get mad at me if i don’t get around to yours fast enough/at all! i’ve had a lot of not too nice anons recently and while i understand how bad it feels to be ignored, you also have to respect i’m a person too here! 

aah that’s negative. i wish all the anons the best up there, let me know if posting in a chunk like this works for you!

#about a crush #all advice is my opinion only! #if you want to give yours you can totally reply or reblog the post #i'm sure that would help these anons a lot!

[dailrpwmf-blog]

From Whom can I purchase health ins over 65 years & not eligible for Medicare?

From Whom can I purchase health ins over 65 years & not eligible for Medicare?

My spouse is over 65 and will be getting residency USA and is not eligible for Medicare nor am I. From whom can we purchase health insurance?

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :INSURANCECOMPAREQUOTES.US

SOURCES:

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