heaven4lostgirls

[heaven4lostgirls]

Sometimes "babygirl" is a 44-year-old man, and you have to accept that.

[heaven4lostgirls]

i want him, so bad.

okay i wanna see how aaron would react to reader being scared of a spider. like she sees a spider in the bathroom or something and screams and aaron runs in like “honey, what’s wrong?” and when he sees what made her scream he’s like “…y/n really? it’s smaller than your finger” or something like that !!

my hero

PLEASE that's so cute cw; fem!reader, spiders, established relationship, aaron being fluffy and lighthearted teasing <3

a shriek came from further within the apartment, followed by a desperate and distressed, "aaron!"

"honey?" abandoning his current task, aaron's feet carried him quickly down the hallway, rounding the corner towards the bathroom. the door was wide open, revealing you perched atop the closed toilet.

"what are you-" he entered, his first instinct being to look down at the ground.

"no, there."

you pointed frantically at the sink's countertop, or more specifically, the corner where the counter met the wall. there, was a small (while you'd insist otherwise) brown spider, with its legs scrambling as it attempted to climb up the smooth, slippery marble.

aaron's eyebrows quirked quizzically, before furrowing into a highly amused line. "a spider?"

"yes." you said as your gaze shot to him, eyes wide. like, hello? obviously?

a small laugh shook through aaron's chest, leaning against the doorframe as his eyes returned to your current houseguest. "and it was necessary for you to get on up-"

"just get it, aaron, please." there was a despaired strain in your voice, as if he didn't, you'd have no choice but to succumb to tears.

"i will sweetheart, don't worry." he pushed off the frame, ripping a small piece of toilet paper from the roll. with complete ease, and no hesitation, he smushed the spider, prompting a wince to come from you.

from both the spider, and simply him interacting with it.

"wait," as aaron moved closer to dispose, you sidestepped to the tub, standing on the edge. you reached out, grabbing onto his bicep to maintain your balance.

"it's dead, honey."

"and what if it jumps back to life?"

"then i'm sure it's first order of business will be to attack you." he quipped back, his tone playful.

as aaron reached down to open the toilet lid, you took that as an opportunity to clamber onto his back. your arms wrapped tightly around his neck, legs around his waist, slipping down towards his thighs a bit without his usual, sturdy hold; you were going to stay as far away from that spider as you possibly could.

his strength didn't falter despite your unannounced action, dropping the deceased in and flushing. your cheek suddenly came flush to his, scooting your body up his back as much as you could manage, allowing you to watch it spiral down the drain.

once satisfied, and the toilet rumbling to a stop, you hopped off aaron's back, a bright smile forming on your face. "thank you." you cheesed, leaning up on your tiptoes to press your lips to his. "my hero."

"you're as bad as jack. worse even." aaron teased as a smile formed on his face. he grabbed your hand to guide you from the bathroom, clicking the light off behind the two of you.

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fluff #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner imagine #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x you

[heaven4lostgirls]

You aren’t a failure if you’re suddenly having a hard time after doing well for awhile. You aren’t weak, or losing your progress. These things fluctuate and that’s okay.

[heaven4lostgirls]

WHEN YOU WAKE UP NEXT TO HIM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

WITH YOUR HEAD IN YOUR HANDS YOU’RE NOTHING MORE THAN HIS WIFE!

AND WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT ME ALL OF THOSE YEARS AGO

YOU’RE STANDING FACE TO FACE WITH “I TOLD YOU SO”

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

#chapelle roan #good luck babe #comphet

[heaven4lostgirls]

RAFE CAMERON FICS

Best Friend (hurt no comfort) (ft...jj maybank)

#juliwrites #rafe cameron imagine #rafe obx #rafe cameron angst #rafe cameron #rafe imagine #rafe outer banks #rafe x reader #outerbanks rafe #dark rafe cameron #rafe cameron fluff #rafe fluff

[heaven4lostgirls]

Best Friend (R.C)

pairing: rafe cameron x reader, possibly jj maybank x reader

warning: hurt/comfort i believe? i'm not sure. rafe's an ass but also psycho but what else is new. JJ is a cutie and we love him. mentions of unrequited feelings and jealousy.

summary: being rafe's best friend used to be one of the best things in life, until it wasnt. now its time for you to make your own choices and rafe isnt too happy about that.

word count: 2.3k

a/n: as i said, my motivation is back so say hello to a new story!, not sure if i'll continue this but if you want another part, i'll be open to trying to write another piece.

Rafe and you had been friends since before you could even know what the word meant. Y/N and Rafe, Rafe, and Y/N, never one without the other, a package deal since the day you could remember. It was beautiful, truly. Having someone you could trust unconditionally; sure, you had your family and other close friends but none of them ever knew you as well as Rafe did. His ability to see not just you, but your soul was something you couldn’t imagine finding with someone else.

Which is why for the last 5 years, you’ve spent quietly trying to kill the crush you’d developed on your best friend. Every piece of attention he had ever given you, every small touch and sweet gesture just nurtured your heart faster than any of his sexual conquests and questionable habits could ever break it. You followed his figure through the party he had thrown at house, the smell of drugs, alcohol and sweaty bodies all mushed together to create the distinct atmosphere of a typical Rafe Cameron rager.

He was known for these parties; you both were actually. You and Rafe were unanimously dubbed the prince and princess of the OBX. You were once fond of that title but as time passed and you watched from the sidelines as a new girl sat of Rafe’s lap as you were left behind to do your own thing, it became a harder pill to swallow. Currently, he had his arm wrapped around a beautiful brunette who looked nothing like you, which seemed to be a recurring theme.

You watched as he sat down on one of the couches on the balcony near his friends and pulled the girl into his lap, your eyes stung but you knew better than to let your emotions get the better of you. Now was not the time to lose your cool, someone could see, and the news would spread fast to Rafe and with his inebriated state from who knows what, you weren’t willing to take the chances he was going to act in a sane way.

So, you blinked harshly, refilled your cup with your drink of choice and went back to the party, aiming to ignore Rafe and his company for the most part until  he eventually got bored and came looking for you. Fortunately for you, you spot Kiara and the rest of the Pogue’s outside near the fire pit. It’s usually very rare to see any of them  at one of these parties, more so because of Sarah’s strained relationship with her brother.

It’s comforting to meet their warm and happy gazes, you haven’t been able to spend much time with them because Rafe had monopolised most of it, he also didn’t particularly enjoy you choosing to spend your time with someone else other than him. Fortunately for you, parties like these lets you branch out and speak to new people without having to worry about Rafe breathing down your neck.

“Hey Y/N!” John B calls out and the rest of the group turns with excited and warm looks on their faces, the calm that washes over your body is immediate and you walk over to them to say hi. “Hey” you mutter shy as the girls get up to hug you as you sit in-between JJ and Sarah. “Haven’t seen you much around the island recently, you doing, okay?” Kiara asks curiously and you chew on your lip as you wonder what to tell her.

“No yeah I’m good, it’s just…Rafe you know?” you say, somewhat embarrassed that you don’t have a better excuse for the group. As you look down to your lap, you miss the look of sympathy that Kiara and Sarah share, they know just how bad it is to be caught  up with Rafe. “Hey, are you busy tomorrow?” Sarah pipes in and you look at her in surprise, this is the first time someone’s ever invited you to hang out.

“No?” you say confused and Sarah looks at the group before breaking out in a big smile before mentioning, “We’re all going to the beach tomorrow, it’s supposed to be a really good surf day” she says as she looks at you expectantly. “We’d love if you could join us” Kiara adds and the smile that lights up is almost blinding. “That sounds great! I’m not too good at surfing but I’d still like to come if you’ll have me” you say a little embarrassed and the rest of the group just voices their agreement before Pope breaks the chatter.

“John B’s teaching Sarah tomorrow how to get the bigger waves and I’ll be helping Kie fish, but JJ’s free if you want some help” he offers and the man in question looks surprised at the suggestion. You’re shocked but you look at JJ with a small smile and shrug of your shoulders. “Yeah, no worries, I don’t know how good of a teacher I’ll be, but I can try” he says, and you nod excitedly.

The night moves on swiftly with friendly chatter between 6 of you. You  surprisingly don’t feel excluded when they start sharing all their memories together, you’re happy to sit back and listen and before you know it, the party starts dying down and people start either dozing off right where they are or leaving to get home. You try to find Rafe but one sympathetic look from Topper lets you know that he’s in his room…not alone.

With no ride home and Topper wasted, you have no way home. You’re about to start walking but you see the lights of a run-down van come to a stop across the street before the door opens and JJ’s voice carries through the night. “C’mon! John B’s our DD tonight, you can get a lift bunk with us for the night.” He offers and you gladly accept, you all make your way back to the chalet and as everyone gets to their designated sleeping areas, there’s no space for you on any of the couches.

Pope offers you his space so he can sleep on the floor, but you decline, letting him know its okay. You settle in on the cold floor and try to readjust to get a comfortable spot before you feel someone shaking your arm. You  open your eyes and blink slightly to see JJ’s ruffled hair and outstretched hand, you look at him confusedly but nonetheless comply. He pulls you up and navigates the chalet like second nature, “You can sleep in my bed, I’ll take the floor.” He whispers and you shake your head vehemently.

“No, I’m not taking your bed, you sleep there. I was fine on the floor” you argue, and he rolls his eyes as he pulls you into the room. “I could hear your shuffling through the door, just sleep in the bed y/n.” he says amused, your lips twitch into a smile as you look at him in the eyes. “No.” you say, and his eyes roll again as he huffs and moves to the bed to lie down on one side.

Before you can leave you see him pat the space next to him. “You coming or what?” he mumbles sleepily. You hesitate for a second before you realise that it’s better than sleeping on the floor. You get in on the other side of the bed and place the blanket over the bottom half of your body. As you doze off, you’re mildly aware of someone pulling you closer to their chest and soft breathing against your neck.

You wake up to your phone buzzing, as you pick it up you notice almost a dozen missed calls from Rafe and over fifty texts ranging from asking where you are to confusion that you’re not at his place or your own, to anger that you’re not answering him. Your heads still pounding from the alcohol last night so all you do is send him and your parents a text saying your safe and you’re spending the day with some friends at the beach.

JJ groans from behind you and you’re suddenly aware of his arm wrapped around your waist and his legs tangled with yours. “Why’re you up so early” he mumbles into your neck, and you can’t help but laugh softly. “Sorry, my phone woke me up” you mumble sheepishly. “Then put it off and let’s go back to sleep” he groans as he tightens his arms around you which makes your face heat.

 Just as you turn your phone off and place it on the side table, the door opens and John B’s voice floats through the room. “JJ, get up we’re leaving in 10-” he stops midway through as he catches you and JJ together, you go to tell him what happened, but he just shakes his head and smiles. “I’ll see you both up and ready in 10 minutes, Y/N, Sarah left you a spare bikini in  the bathroom if you need it.” He says cheerfully as he closes the door before you can finish saying thanks.

JJ groans and throws his arm over his eyes before he smirks and lets out a huff of laughter which sends you both into fits of laughter. After you all get ready and are on your way to the beach, you and JJ spend your time talking and catching up with one another, being around the same age you both knew of each other but had never been particularly close. You come to loathe that as you find out just how funny and caring JJ is as a person.

When you reach the beach, you see that JJ had packed a spare board for you. Your heart warms at the gesture as he carries both to the water. The waves aren’t particularly high right now so as you both paddle in, you’re comfortable enough to ride a few of the smaller ones. As they get higher, you let JJ catch a few before he comes back to help you. You spend around an hour letting JJ manoeuvre you to get a good position on the board and working on your technique. It takes a couple tries of you falling off the board and trusting JJ to catch you before you’re even comfortable with trying one of the waves.

Unbeknownst to you, Rafe had been stressing the fuck out after waking up without you this morning. He had spent the better part of an hour trying to find you, you weren’t at his, nor at your parents. He’d only gotten it out of topper that he saw you leaving in a car after the party ended so safe to assume he was losing his shit. Where the fuck had you possibly have gone? Who could you have gone with? You didn’t have any friends other than him, and he knows that none of the guys at the party would have tried to sleep with you when  they knew you inadvertently belonged to him.

Mind you, when you finally bothered to answer his dozen calls and texts, all you had sent was “I’m okay don’t worry, I’m spending the day at the beach with some friends, I’ll see you tomorrow!” like hell you would. Who did you think he was? He was not going to let you just flounce around anywhere when there were people that could hurt you. Also, these “friends” you spoke about just about made him angry enough to fuel the urge to kill someone. Who could you possibly be talking about? All the people you two spent your time with were either at home still or at his place which he knew could only mean you were at the beach with those dirty fucking pogues.

You were gonna do Rafe’s head in, running off from him and the party to hang out with them? He scoffed at the thought. They didn’t know you like he knew you. They wouldn’t treat you as well as he did. Thinking about that dick John B that had roped his stupid fucking sister into their plans made his blood boil at the thought that they could be doing the same to you. The thought only made him speed faster to the beach.

Once he got there, oh was his blood definitely boiling. Fucking JJ. With his scummy little hands all over your body, in one of the tiniest swimsuits he’d ever seen you in. God, you looked beautiful. It was hard to dwell on that fact when all he could see was you laughing and splashing around with JJ whilst he stood on the beach glaring daggers at the blonde boy’s figure.

“Y/N!” he bellowed across the beach, and he gloated in the horror that washed over your face as you turned to look at the beach with JJ’s stupid fucking arms still wrapped around your waist. You try to smile and wave at him, but his anger must show on his face as you drop your hand and look  at him in confusion. “Come here!” he yells again and watches as you turn to JJ to ask a question, the blonde idiot in question just shrugs and smiles up at you.

He watches as you take a deep breath before you turn to him and shake your head whilst yelling a “NO” across the beach. His jaw clenches at your statement as he continues glaring. “I’m not playing around Y/N. COME. HERE.” He yells again and watches as JJ tells you something softly that you laugh at before you turn to him deviously before yelling out, “Fuck off Rafe” with a big smile on your face.

He inhales sharply as his gaze hardens on the both of you. Fine. You wanna be like that? Okay. He’s not letting you get off that easy. He smirks at the thought as he stalks off to his car to drive off. He’ll wait you out if he has to, and when you do come out. You’lll regret ever using that tone with him.

#juliwrites #obx #obx fic #obx fanfiction #rafe obx #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron angst #rafe imagine #rafe cameron #rafe outer banks #rafe x reader #outerbanks rafe #dark rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x reader angst #rafe cameron x reader hurt/comfort #jj maybank #jj mayback x reader #jj mayback imagine #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank fluff

[heaven4lostgirls]

Work for it (S.R)

pairing: steve rogers x reader, billy russo x reader

warning: angst, steve is still an ass but he's working on it! they also have a civil conversation for once

summary: the aftermath of the party, some closure and decison making.

word count: 1.5k

a/n: omg hey guys, been a while huh? *nervous chuckle* DONT HATE ME I'M SORRY I LOST MOTIVATION BUT I'M BACK NOW!

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5

tag list: @blackhawkfanatic, @buckys-wintersoldier, @witchychanel, @nicoline1998enilocin, @vicmc624

Seeing Steve with Sharon playing happy families had been a slap in the face to put it kindly. Although you knew that Steve had brought her to invoke jealousy, it had also highlighted just how right you were to be suspicious of how much of a priority he made her.

You knew Tony and Bucky felt bad for letting them stay, and even though you had forgiven then, a part of you also felt guilty for feeling like some part of that night was partially their fault. Peter had been attached to your hip after the party, a little brother in every sense of the word, warding off any advances from men and just talking your ear off about his chem final he had last week.

You had indulged him for the most part, he was the only person you knew realistically that you’d be able to handle for such an extended amount of time. Most of the other avengers would play nice for the most part but most, if not nearly all felt a sense of protectiveness over you after your decision to end your relationship with Steve and there was only so much coddling one person could handle.

You were tuning the party out as you excused yourself from Peter, letting him know you were just going to get a refill and would be right back. The happy nod you received in return was enough to let a little bit of a drunk giggle leave your lips. As you reach the bar, you order another cocktail and as you gaze over the party, you see a lot of people you’ve never met but you know are influential, it comes to you that as much as this party was for you, it was also just a typical Tony Stark party.

You loved Tony but he often overdid most celebrations he was left in charge of, you would’ve been happy with a small cake and a movie night, but nonetheless, nobody would ever complain about a party this extravagant being thrown for them. As you receive your drink from the bartender you feel someone sit in the seat next to you, and before you turn your head you already recognise the figure. Bucky.

“Hey Buck” you greet softly as you turn in your seat to face him, he turns to you with an apologetic smile, “Hey Y/N/N.” he opens his  mouth to start off his apology but before he can speak, your hand is out and halting it. “Don’t Buck, honestly you’re not responsible for what Steve does and I’d really appreciate if you could stop taking it out on yourself whenever he does something idiotic, he’s a grown man Barnes” you state and you watch as his brows furrow before he nods, “Barnes?” he questions with a chuckle. “You’ve been demoted” you pout fakely as you smack a kiss on his cheek before trying to find Peter among the crowd of people.

You find him talking to a prestigious Harvard professor you had met once at a charity gala, you leave him be and attempt to find someone else you recognise but the sheer amount of people in the complex starts to overwhelm you and before you realise it, you’re making your way to the elevator to the roof so you can get some air.

The elevator ride is silent which gives you some time to reorganise your thoughts, as the steel doors open you make out a male figure looking at the skyline of the city. You pause and hesitate if you want to disturb them, in your inebriated state you can’t make out exactly who the person in but before you can call out and ask them if it’s okay to join them, they turn around you are met with the face of one guilty looking Steve Rogers.

You sigh and turn to leave but Steve’s voice breaks the cold night air, “Wait- Y/N please don’t go!” he yells, and you stop but don’t turn around. You hear his hurried footsteps to where you’re standing and in fear he’ll try to touch you, you turn around and hold your hand out to stop him. He looks sad but stays put, “I’ll talk to you if you don’t come any closer to me Steve and believe me if I see you even twitch your hand closer to mine, I’ll be gone, and you’ll never see me again” you threaten before making your way to the wall he stood looking out beforehand.

He sighs and nervously stands about a meter from where you’re standing, you two stand in silence for a couple seconds before you break it “Why did you bring her.” “I’m sorry”. You both look at one another in shock before you snort drunkenly and motion for him to continue. “I’m sorry, I was just jealous you were leaving me- us, for Anvil and when I found out you were going to be working for Billy Russo, I couldn’t think straight, all I could think about was you moving on and leaving me behind and that’s not how this is supposed to end Y/N, we’re not supposed to end.” He rushes out and you listen intently before snorting again.

“You know Steve, it’s so funny when you hear the one person you used to beg to hear you, verbalise the same insecurities you had when the two of you were together.” You say with a small giggle and you watch as Steve’s expressions morphs into confusion and then pain. The alcohol in your system has effectively rendered your filter useless so you start again. “You can be as jealous as you want Steve, but  what we’re not going to do is tell me how I should move on with my life, you’re the one that fucked all of this up, not me.” You tell him and he nods emphatically before sighing again.

“I know honey, I know. I fucked up real bad but I’m here asking if there’s even a single shred of hope that we can fix this, I’m going to do it. I will spend the rest of my life fixing this, I will run myself into the ground trying to mend every wound and insecurity I have ever caused you, I need to know if you see a future with us, because if you do, honey I’ll never hurt you like that ever again” he says as his eyes plead with you believe him.

“Those all sounds like empty promises right now Steve, do you know how many times you’ve promised to me that you’d prioritise me when we were together? How many times you told me you’d stop running after Sharon? How’d you Put. Me. First.” You emphasise and watch as guilt overcomes his features. He’s about to start talking again before the sound of the heavy metal door opening to the roof scrapes against the floor to open.

It's almost comical how your heart drops and then flutters at the sight of Billy Russo. You see Steve’s body stiffen at the sight of the playboy worthy smile on Billy’s lips. You smile back at him and as you move to walk over to him, Steve stops you. “Hey, I thought we were still busy talking?” he asks with jealousy and anxiety in his tone. He can’t watch you walk away with Billy; you need to stay here. You’re safe here with him, who knows what Billy will do with you. You can’t leave him again; he has to make you stay.

Before you can even make out an answer, Billy’s close enough to speak. “Hey! Tony let me know he was throwing you a party and you know I had to come a celebrate my  new assistant. He let me know he saw you coming up here, I can leave if you want some privacy” he says with a smile as he nods at Steve before focusing his attention on you. You smile at him with one of the biggest and brightest smiles he’s seen you wear since before your breakup. He wants to roll his eyes at Bily’s obvious  flirting, but his jealousy takes a backseat at the anxiety he feels because his charm seems to be working on you.

“Yeah, actually we’re a bit busy!” he calls out to the both of you but all you do is turn to glare at him as you turn to Billy and shake your head before placing your hand on his suit jacket. Steve clenches his jaw at the sight whilst glaring at your hand like it’s committing a criminal offense. You turn to Steve, and he quickly fixes a small smile on his face. “I think I’m going to head back to the party with Billy. I’ll see you around Steve.” You say and although Steve feels his heart drop in his chest, he nods with a small smile as he watches the two of you walk away, already conversing animatedly.

“Hey!” he calls out at the last minute and winces as you turn around with a look of annoyance, “What, Rogers?” you ask and winces at the use of his last name, thin ice. “You never gave me an answer! Do you still have hope?” he calls out with a hopeful look and watches as your jaw twitches but the slight movement from your lips indicate your amusement. “You’ve got work to do, Rogers” is all you call out as Billy holds the door open for you to let you go back. Like the prick he is, Billy just smiles and nods at Steve as he leaves.

#juliwrites #steve rogers hurt #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers angst #steve rogers #steven grant rogers #captain america x you #captain america angst #captain america x reader #captain

[heaven4lostgirls]

AARON HOTCHNER FICS

i deserve better (angst)

#juliwrites #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fic #criminal minds #criminal minds angst #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner smut #aaron hotchner #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner angst #aaron hotchner x reader

[heaven4lostgirls]

I deserve better (A.H)

pairing: aaron hotchner x reader

warning: angst, breakups, mentions of haley's death, reader is compared to haley, breakdowns, aaron has healing to do</3

summary: aaron comes home from a hard case with his decision already made, he's in for a very rude awakening when reader sees right through his bs.

word count: 1.5k

There was a loneliness in the air that felt almost palpable after your breakup with Aaron. It felt like an amalgamation of every broken promise and empty silences you both sat in, trying to grasp onto invisible strings surrounding your love. If you thought hard enough, you could almost clearly imagine what used to be his breathing when he used to lie on the now cold side of the bed. His presence haunted every empty corner of your now prodigious apartment.

You closed your eyes in the dark as your mind unwillingly drifted to the conversation with your now ex-boyfriend.      The sound of the door opening to Aaron’s home made you look away from the television as you waited with bated breath and a smile to see your boyfriend, only the expression he held on his face when your gazes met was one you knew you would commit to memory. Guilt, anguish. Probably worse if you had bothered to push deeper but you knew that you couldn’t do that yourself.

“Aaron?” your voice echoes in the living room and all he can do is hesitate, you watch as his hands shake as he places his badge, gun and bag down before making his way to you, his steps purposeful yet cautious and deep down you knew that whatever he was going to say was going to change the trajectory of your relationship.

“Hey” he whispers as he sits on the opposite end of the couch which only cements your worries, maybe he’s finally decided that him and Jack didn’t need another addition to their family, maybe he’s decided he’s had enough of you. “We need to talk” he starts, and your only response is a small nod as your underlying anxiety bubbles under your skin like a festering wound.

 “This- This case, it really made me realise something.” He starts and you can already feel your expression shifting from worry to confusion, he must recognise your own emotions as you do his as he continues swiftly. “The unsub mentioned you when we caught him, he knew your name” he says harshly and you look at him shocked, why hadn’t he told you any of this when you’d called him after he had wrapped up the case? “I promised myself when Haley passed away that I would never put someone I cared about in the position to be used against me” he says and your heart drops.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you ask out of genuine curiosity. He closes his eyes and clenches his hands into fists, “I think you know.” He croaks out and you scoff which only causes him to look at you  in confusion, “You’re being selfish” you bite out and he looks alarmed at the harsh words. “You’re not even letting me choose what I want to do about my OWN safety?” you ask harshly but soft enough as to not wake Jack up.

 He’s shaking his head before you can even finish your sentence, “you don’t get it!” he insists as he implores you understand what he’s saying. “you-you’ve never had to hold your d-dead wife’s body in your hands, wishing for her to come back, wishing you could tell her how much she means to you” he insists as his eyes well with tears and your heart drops at his confession.

“And I hope I never have to feel that, but Aaron you can’t keep taking your grief out on our relationship, I  know it hurts, but how  am I supposed to think you’re ending this for me when you’re putting Haley first even in death?” you whisper and against your own better judgement, you feel a few tears fall from your eyes.

“That-That is NOT what is happening.” He says again and you can see the frustration boiling over for him, “That’s not fair to me Aaron, you know that” you say, and you watch as confusion shifts on his features, “Wait no hold on, I didn’t mean it like that-”

“You didn’t have to. I always thought you’d meant in a constructive way for me, consistently telling me when I make Jack’s meals that it’s not the way Haley would’ve made it, when you tell me not to buy certain perfumes and body washes because it reminded you too much of Haley. But now I realise that you’ve been carrying this dead weight after her death, and it’s not fair for me to be carrying it with you. I will never replace Haley, but I do know that I deserve a lot more than being compared to her everyday just because you haven’t dealt with your grief.”

“Honey, hold on, just wait please-”

“I was going to fight for you Aaron , truly.  I came into this conversation thinking of ways to help you not give up on us, but I can’t do that when the one thing pushing you is a woman I can never compete with.”

Aaron looks distraught and your heart feels simultaneously lighter and broken at the same time, His healing needed to take priority and you knew that his journey didn’t necessarily have space for you. And that was okay, at the end of the day the one thing you had always wished was to see Aaron Hotchner happy, and if that meant he had to do it without you, you would deal.

“I love you” he says, his eyes begging you to believe him, and your lips lift at his statement, as they’ve done a million times before, a force of habit. You shift closer to him and grasp his hand in yours as you place your other one on his face. His eyes close at the contact and he starts shaking his head, “Don’t- don’t do this right now. Please don’t do this Y/N.” his voice cracks.

Your lips quivers and you attempt to move your hand to smother the sob building in your chest but as your hand lifts off of his cheek his eyes are open wide, alarmed to feel you slipping away and he grasps you closer to him, looking into your eyes wildly as you look into his eyes, hoping all of your love is shining through them. “You know I have to.” You whisper and his expression is pained as he feels your hands run through his hair.

“I  can’t do this without you” he confesses as he chokes on his tears, his hands grasping to your hips and arms as though you’d disappear if he looked away. “You’re going to be just fine, I promise” you say, and he shakes his head before the sobs escape him and he leans his head into your body as sobs wrack through his body. Warbled cries of “I’m sorry” flood from him and all you can do is hold him through it, hoping it  brings him some form of comfort.

You console him until he tires himself out, he looks so much more peaceful when he’s asleep, his furrowed brow is smoothed out and if not for the tear tracks running down his cheeks you would never be able to know how much pain he was just in. You manoeuvre him to lay on the couch, a suitable enough pillow under his head and a soft blanket covering him. Your hand still lays outstretched in his grip, and you bite your lip as you try to let him let go.

As  soon as your hand leaves his grip, he’s  whimpering and grasping for some form of contact from you, you quickly snatch one of Jack’s teddy bears from the floor and you place it within his grasp, he grasps it almost immediately and holds it close to his chest. Your eyes mist over and you take a few minutes to breathe deeply and once calm, you quickly plan.

You take an old overnight bag you used to use before you started staying for weekends, such as this one. You pack the clothes you use the most and some work essentials before packing up your toiletries and everything else that can fit in your car. Everything looks so immensely empty when all your stuff is gone, with a quick little kiss to Jack’s cheek, you switch on your car, and you drive the route to your apartment.

In the silence and solace of your car, you allow yourself to break, sobs wrack through your body and your scream and cry as you make the drive to your place. You break again when you see the emptiness and coldness of your apartment, there’s none of Jack’s drawings on the fridge, none of Aarons past case files on the dining table, none of their shoes at the entrance and none of everything of what you loved and missed dearly.

Which brings you to now, in your bed, unable to look at the other side usually occupied by an Aaron sized lump. You don’t sleep, when the sun starts rising and coming through your room, you don’t move. When your alarm goes off at 7AM, you don’t move. When Aaron’s name flashes on your screen with multiple unanswered calls, you don’t move. You eventually get  up to go to work and exist throughout the day.

Nobody asks you what’s wrong and you don’t divulge, you know it will take you a long time to feel okay enough to even see Aaron again but for now, you can mourn and think of what could have been as you learn how to live without half of yourself.

#juliwrites #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds angst #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner angst #aaron hotchner x reader #hotch #aaron hotch hotchner #hotch x reader #hotch angst

[heaven4lostgirls]

requests are open if anyone would like to send through some stuff they would like me to write about? <3

[heaven4lostgirls]

[heaven4lostgirls]

James : I love you so much, Regulus.

Regulus : Even the broken bits?

James : Specially the broken bits.

[heaven4lostgirls]

requests are open if anyone would like to send through some stuff they would like me to write about? <3

#juliwrites #marauders #the hunger games #obx #the witcher #bridgerton #criminal minds #mcu

[heaven4lostgirls]

🌷 here is a flower for anyone not feeling their best today

[heaven4lostgirls]

Rem’s copycat daughter. ~ R.J.L

{in which Remus’s daughter notices his scars, but thinks they’re just as pretty as you do.}

Harsh droning permeates your slumber and you reach to turn off your alarm clock. Once silence welcomes you again, you lay against your pillow with a deep sigh, soaking in the morning sun. Large, warm arms wrap firmly around your waist, and a warmth lays heavy on your ribcage. You look down to see a mop of disheveled brunette curls splayed across your middle. Unable to hold back your lovesick smile, you move to play with Remus’s hair. At the scratching at his scalp, he groans softly, squeezing you tighter while rubbing his nose into you. He looked like an angel in the morning light and it made you excited to live another day. With him.

“Daddy! Daddy!” A sweet, high voice calls. Your messy-haired daughter, all dimples and giggles, runs into the room. She launches herself onto Remus’s back, earning a hearty groan. “Ahh.. careful, sweetheart…” he mumbles, but rolls away from you to tend to his baby. You tuck yourself into his side, though, unable to face the morning chill even centimetres away from your husband. She’s already got herself under Remus’s other arm, her head laying on his shoulder. She’s looking at you with a big, excited smile. Much like her parents, she loves cuddles. Remus could die like this, he thinks. Both of his girls tucked under his arms. Protected. Safe.

Later in the day, in the kitchen bathed in glorious midday sunshine, Remus glides around, making his girls lunch. You sometimes make food, but Remus enjoys cooking thoroughly, and so he’ll make the occasional meal. He hums under his breath, clad in sweatpants and an oversized autumn jumper as he butters the bread.

“DADA! DADA, LOOKS AT ME!!” He hears his daughter cry, tiny arms locking around his shin. Dimples crack his cheeks as he puts the knife down, turning to admire his baby. You stand behind her, the proudest look on your face as you watch. She’s painted herself with felt-tip pens, drawing lines and swirls in all the places Remus has scars. His heart wrenches. “Look, daddy! Im you now!!! Super pretty!” She sings, jumping up and down, her hair bouncing and her grin wide. Remus kneels and pulls her into his arms, which she giggles and enjoys thoroughly. Nose buried in her hair, he blinks away unshed tears of pride, which dribble down the apples of his cheeks. “Oh, my baby..” he mumbles, before you stoop to join the hug. “You hear that rem? Super pretty.” You whisper, holding his head, and sandwiching your daughter in a gentle hug.

[heaven4lostgirls]

regret (7/4/24)

@jegulus-microfic 459 words

Regret @ jegulus microfic.

James regrets telling Harry that Regulus would be coming over today. The entire morning is spent trying to keep the little toddler in place, which proves to be harder than James imagined. Harry refuses to eat his breakfast because he’s ‘waiting fow weggie!!” his three-year-old exclaimed, refused to stay still and let James bathe him after said breakfast because, “what if we miss when weggie comes?” and then subsequently refused to sit down and watch tv, instead…he stood staring at the door for the last 5 minutes.

James sighs, “are you sure you don’t want me to put Bluey on for you haz?” he tries again, but all the Harry does is pout and place his bottom on the floor as he stares determinedly at the wooden door frame. “I waiting”  he proclaims proudly, and James resigns to his fate as he sits on the couch, facing the door to watch his toddler.

After another 5 minutes, Harry starts to get restless and squirms on the floor, James adjusts and almost moves to get up to ask him if he wants to do something else before a piercing squeal echoes through the air as Harry catches sight of Regulus getting out a cab.

Harry’s tiny feet carry him to the front door as he stretches his arms to try and reach the door handle before Regulus even makes it down the small footpath, James rushes to his son, picking him up, who is chanting “weggie, weggie, weggie” on repeat. James snorts a laugh before putting him on his waist and opening the door.

James and Regulus make eye contact and before they can do anything other than share a sweet smile, Harry launches himself out of James’ arms and into Regulus.’ “Harry!” James scolds as he tries to wrestle his toddler back into his grip only for him to relent when Regulus places his hands under Harry’s arm to hold him.

“Hey, there Haz” Regulus says softly with a small smile as he tucks one of his stray curls behind his ear. “Have you been giving your dad trouble?” he teases the toddler as he fixes his skew glasses and Harry only pouts before dragging out a long “Nooooo” with a small giggle.

James can only shake his head as he watches the two of them interact. He places a soft kiss on Regulus’ cheek before he ushers them inside, “He was a nightmare, you’re going to have to start staying nights at this rate” James whispers in his ear as Harry drags them both to watch Bluey.

“I couldn’t think of anything better” Regulus replies as they all settle in, Harry laying haphazardly on top of both Regulus and James with his half-eaten breakfast laying on the table.

#juliwrites #marauders #harry potter #james potter #jegulus #starchaser #regulus black #jegulus as dads #jegulus raising harrry #jegulus microfic #jegulus fluff #starchaser fluff #james potter x regulus black #james potter loves regulus black #james potter is a dad #james potter is a simp

[heaven4lostgirls]

First Year Regulus: Do I talk too much?

First Year Evan: My guy, this is the first time you’ve spoken all day and it’s late in the evening.

-

c: @akwardsilince