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#hes just terrible at flirting
accio-sriracha · 4 months
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James Potter flirting tactics:
~~~♤~~~
James: *seductively taking off glasses*
James: woah you're... really blurry.
~~~♤~~~
James: *trying to be romantic*
James: Will you be the Romeo to my Juliet?
Peter: *whispering to Remus in the background* Does he know they both kill themselves in the end?
Remus: No, no he does not.
~~~♤~~~
James: *tries to act cool when they walk past*
Also James: *falls, smacks head on table, breaks glasses, knocks over someone's cauldron*
James: *mildly concussed* Wow, I think I just... fell for you.
~~~♤~~~
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undertheredhood · 8 months
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random civillain who just moved to gotham: *having a mental breakdown after they accidentally kill a clown with a bad dye-job*
the red hood (notorious crime lord and vigilante): "are you from tennessee? 'cause you're the only ten i see."
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jadewritesficshere · 11 months
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Wrecked
Eddie Munson x Reader
Content: oral (male receiving) slight sub!Eddie. Listen I just really wanna suck him
18+ only
Your eyes snapped open, adjusting to the darkness in the room as the VHS shut off with a click. The light from the TV seemed harsh, jarring you from the quietness surrounding you. It woke you up from your sleepy state, heart thumping wildly as you realized you had fallen asleep against Eddie. Eddie, who talked a mile a minute and told you interesting facts while watching movies, who had gone silent almost an hour ago as you started to drift off. Eddie, who had an arm wrapped around your shoulder, hand lazily drawing patterns on your arm where it rested. Your head against his chest, listening to the steady beating of his heart. "Sorry," you yawned as you sat up," Did I fall asleep?"
Eddie blinked slowly before smiling," Don't worry 'bout it. You need to rest." You lazily smile at him as he stands up. He stretches slowly, joints popping that remind you that neither of you are near your teens anymore. He reaches his arms above his head in a stretch, shirt traveling up just enough to give you a sneak peak of his stomach. Pale skin that showed the stark colors of the dragon curled over the top of his belly button. The dragon that had it's mouth open as if it was blowing fire, fire that actually was pink scars courtesy of the demobats. The scars that he always had a different story for when people saw ("I got attacked by a bear." "A witch cursed me." "I didn't eat my vegetables." "I used to defuse bombs").
Your eyes caught on his belly button, the stupid piercing he got claiming "a dragon had to have a hoard". The blue light from the tv causing the jewelry to glint, showing a kaleidoscope of rainbows in the opal gemstones. Your breath caught at the smattering of hair that trailed down from his belly button. Down to the band of his sweatpants that hung low on his hips. Plaid boxers peeking over the hem of his pants obscured your view of the slight v shape of his hips. The TV light providing the perfect amount of light and shadow to show the slight definition of his abs he had gained from long hours as a mechanic.
The sting from biting your lip pulled you from your casual perusal of Eddie's frame. Eddie who hadn't even noticed and was waving his hands around talking as he stared off at the wall,"- but those are just rumors. I mean if they do make a movie, it better be close to the book. No creative liberties. I want to see the book come to life, ya know? I want the dwarves to have full beards, especially the women and-"
You stand up abruptly," Shut the fuck up." Eddie pauses at your abrupt words and movement. Silence spans a few seconds as he notices the glimmer in your eyes," Excuse you?" You hum, running your eyes up and down his frame. Eddie was definitely a man, no longer the boy you had met in high school. He had filled out more, had some scruff on his jawline. His sweatpants had a hole in his knee and there was a stain on his shirt, but he had never looked more beautiful to you. And you had never wanted to fuck him more.
Eddie tilted his head slightly, untamed and frizzy curls bouncing as he tried to decipher the look in your eye. "I will gladly listen to this conversation, but I can't pay attention right now. Not when you're," you wave your hand gesturing to him," that!" Eddie scoffs," Excuse you? That?." One step is all it takes to get in his space, Eddie instinctively taking a step back.
You push on his chest, firm beneath your open palms, causing him to stumble back into the couch. He lands with a grunt and looks up at you with a look of exasperation. He goes to open his mouth to say what you're sure is a snarky remark, but all thoughts leave his head as you grab his knees spreading them open and kneeling in front of him. His jaw drops as he stares at you between his legs. You bat your lashes at him in what you hope is a seductive look, but let's be honest, both you and Eddie suck at flirting. You trail one hand up from his knee, barely touching as your fingers dance their way up his thigh. His cheeks flush, a beautiful dusty pink that spreads down his neck towards his chest. You wonder how far that blush goes as you lift the hem of his shirt.
Eddie is staring at you, frozen in time. You clearing your throat as you tug on his shirt knocks him from his reverie. "Yeah, okay, fuck uh yea." He leans forward enough to pull the shirt over his head. You lick your lips at the expanse of tattooed skin you see. You lean in, trying to decide where to start. You look up through your eyelids at him, slowly licking the happy trail, that definitely made you happy. The image of you licking his skin, peering up at him through your lashes, was burned into Eddie's retinas. Eddie's knuckles were white as he gripped the couch cushions. His stomach flexed unintentionally at the warmth of your tongue. The small whimper he let out fueled your desire, heat pooling low in your stomach. You nip and suck at his hips, one hand resting on his thigh, the other curled around his back to bring him closer to you. You pulled back after adding a lovely red mark that you know will fade to a bruise.
You can't believe you had fallen asleep next to this man, now the only thoughts involving a bed also involved cardio. You lightly trail a finger over the prominent bulge in his pants, earning a sharply inhaled breath and a buck of his hips. "Jesus fucking Christ," he groans, voice lower then you've ever heard. You lick your lips as your hands reach for the hem of his pants and-
"Wait!" Eddie startles you, and you glance up at his wrecked face. "Huh?" You blink a few times starting to pull back," Do you not..?" "No! No I do!" Eddie clears his throat and grabs the pillow next to him," I just...you should be comfortable..." His face flushes as he holds the pillow between you two, causing you to chuckle. You grab the pillow and put it under your knees, even if you don't need it. "Thanks baby. You're so thoughtful." Eddie preens under the praise, looking smug. Your hands return to his waist band, tugging his pants and boxers down. He lifts his hips to help and-
You've never thought a dick to be pretty before. Sure, you've seen some good ones but this? He's long, curved slightly to the right. Precum beading at the top of a head that is flushed so red it's almost purple. A prominent vein trailing the underside of his dick that you want to lick up. Curls around the base that were trimmed but still unruly. The tension is thick as you stare at his dick, wondering where to start. He twitches under your heavy gaze. "C'mon, don't make me wait.." Eddie mumbles. "You'll take what I give you, and you'll be thankful." You snap back, watching the man pout slightly. For all his bravado and extroverted demeanor, he has no power here and he knows it.
But you decide to have mercy on him as you flatten your tongue against his dick, deciding to follow the vein from his base to his tip. Eddie lets out a high-pitched whine followed by a "thank you", but you don't really care. Yes, it feels good for him, but this is also for your pleasure. You swirl your tongue around his leaking tip, tasting the salty essence. Eddie's hand finds the back of your head instinctively, not using any real force or grip. When you fully envelope his tip with your warm mouth and suck, all coherent thoughts of his are gone. He barely can remember his own name. One of your hands holding his hips back so he can't thrust up, the other wrapped around his dick slowly moving up and down.
Eddie sits there babbling nonsense, he never could stay quiet for long. And you wouldn't want him to, his moans and groans like music to your ears. You pull off of him earning a whine. Eddie's face is flushed, bangs stuck to his forehead, a slight sweat broken out on him. He looks down at you with those big brown eyes like you just kicked a dog. "Please? Fuck, please baby? Don't stop."
You smile up at the wrecked man, the man begging for you to continue. You can feel the light pressure of his hand against your head trying to push you closer to his groin. You could make him beg. Make him wait. But he looks so good like this, you want to see him completely blissed out. You inhale deeply before lightly putting the tip back in your mouth. Eddie has no time to mutter a thank you before you fully sink down on him. Your nose coming flush with the hair you admired earlier, taking him deep in your throat without gagging. "Oh fuckfuckfuck," Eddie pants above you, lost in the feeling of you. You hollow out your cheeks and suck, bobbing up and down along his length. He was a twitching writhing mess beneath you. You lightly palm at his balls, adding enough pressure to have Eddie moan. It didn't take him long before he came with a loud groan, hips bucking without a pattern. You swallowed it to the best of your ability, some leaking out and dripping down your chin.
When he was done, you pulled off him with a pop. Eddie's chest heaved as he panted above you. Eddie looked down from the ceiling, not sure when he had thrown his head back in ecstasy. You swipe the cum off your chin before licking your fingers, eyes locked with his. "Jesus Christ," he runs a hand through his hair and lets out a chuckle. You hum and smile up at him. Eddie lightly grasps your biceps, tugging you to get up,"Not sure what brought that on, but I think its time for me to return the favor. Get up here."
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the things rizz does to a man's sense of humor
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wolves-in-the-world · 2 years
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thinking about how the one time eliot masterminds something, it's because the circumstances are dire and we don't actually see it happen; how he says he plays chess and nate believes him but we don't ever see it or hear about it again; how we don't even see his most basic fighting skills until they're needed and he has to drop the cerebral and nonthreatening grift he was using in front of the team. and I don't know what to think except that in some ways he's just as secretive as parker is, we just don't see it because on top of that he's this very believable gruff-but-sorta-amiable person who meets up with his vet buddies and goes on dates and cooks for his team.
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unlawfulchaos · 8 months
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Maverick, trying to flirt: My dick is like life... Life is hard.
Iceman, blankly: Life is also short.
Maverick: Listen here, you annoyingly sexy son of a bitch-
Iceman, trying to contain his upset: You should know that my mother is an incredibly kind, respected, and well loved woman.
Maverick: I meant your father?
Iceman: ...
Iceman: Continue.
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sunglassesmish · 1 year
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he's such an idiot <3
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phexart · 8 months
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Local vampire leaving a trail of victims at the Tiefling party
Bonus:
Getting severe whiplash at the tiefling party trying to talk to Lae'zel after getting savagely rejected by Astarion
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i remember someone asking you for the second years favorite out of itafushikugi but who do you think the trio’s favorite senpais are?
& who do you think the adults (nanami gojo shoko yaga) favorite students are?
I'm assuming we're talking about the sea glass gardens universe for this and not canon.
Megumi: Yuuta. No competition. I'm pretty sure this is straight up canon with his comment that Yuuta was the only one of his senpais that he actually respected. He and Yuuta have a special relationship, even if Megumi isn't aware of his Boyhood.
Barring Yuuta, Maki would be his favorite. They have identical bitch instincts and are always on the same wavelength. They wander the world as these beautiful judgmental assholes and it's their ideal existences. Soul siblings.
I see Maki as sort of slowly growing into her place as Megumi's family. At the start, neither of them were exactly looking to forge blood family ties, what with their history, but I think they both understand what it's like to have the Zenin lurking on your periphery in a way no one else does. They look out for each other.
Nobara: Maki. I also can't debate canon on this one. Nobara simply adores Maki. And has a crush on her the size of Jupiter. She doesn't know Yuuta and has sworn revenge on him for winning the last Goodwill event, so Yuuta's out of the running, and Panda and Inumaki are her constant torments.
Still, were it not for her appreciation for Maki as her senpai (re: rampant Homosexual Desire), I think Panda would be her favorite. They have identical asshole instincts, not that Nobara would ever admit it. Remember them teaming up during the Goodwill event? Nobara secretly has a soft spot for Panda, except for all the moments where she wants to beat him with a hammer.
Yuuji: I think it's actually Inumaki. Maki and him get on great because they both can compete athletically, but Maki's disposition is more suited to Megumi. She's harder for him to connect with for him on a personality level. Inumaki's also very athletically inclined, and I see them becoming jogging buddies now that Yuuta's in Africa.
I see Inumaki looking out for him a little when he first arrived, the way he did for Yuuta. Yuuji's not the sort to be phased by the difficulty communicating, and I think he respects the hell out of Inumaki as a jujutsu sorcerer.
If we count the Kyoto students in this, his favorite is Todo, but that may or may not be Stockholm Syndrome. He. He got swept up in it. It happened so fast. He doesn't know how this happened or if he's allowed to leave. It kind of scares him.
Yuuta is not even in the running for Yuuji's favorite. The thought of Yuuta torments him. He's just all sparkling and perfect in Africa, what with his curse-free existence and unstoppable power and having Megumi as his boy and what not. Just. Fuck off.
Adults
Nanami: He has no favorites. He cannot play favorites. He has raised one of these children, as adopted another, and has played a very large role in teaching a third. It would be wrong to select favorites out of them.
But also it's Yuuji.
It's not that he actually likes Yuuji better than Megumi or Yuuta or any of the others; it's more that Yuuji's his student. Megumi's practically a son to him, but Gojo was the one who took the lead on raising him and training him. And while he will always do his best to support Yuuta, by the time he met Yuuta, Gojo had already become the sort of adult pillar of support in his life.
Yuuji's the one he took the lead on training. He was there when Yuuji first had someone die, first had to kill. And Yuuji reminds him so much of Haibara that it hurts sometimes. He has a soft spot for him.
Gojo: Gojo will play favorites. It's Megumi.
Sue him. His kid is his favorite. That's his little boy. He watched him grow up from the angriest first grader he ever met to the angriest high schooler he ever met. He's always gonna have a bit of a soft spot for his Megs.
If he couldn't pick Megumi, it would be Yuuta.
Again, sue him for playing favorites, but Yuuta's someone he's just endlessly proud of. He watched Yuuta go from being curled up on the floor of an execution chamber to being the most promising sorcerer of the modern age. Yuuta really gives him hope for the future and the next generation. He just adores the kid.
Shoko: If we're talking sea glass gardens, I think Megumi would win by default just because she has less face time with the kids and Megumi is the one she helped raise. She's his wine aunt. She's always gonna wanna pinch his cheeks and harass him about his hair. But if he's out of the running, it's Nobara. She reminds her of her at that age. Mostly in the fact that she's endlessly suffering from her two idiot best friends's mutual homosexuality. Shoko relates to Nobara on a spiritual level.
Yaga: Panda. That's his little boy. I'm pretty sure this is canon too--Maki explicitly states that the principal plays favorites with Panda in JJK0. He raised Panda and thinks of him as his own son. He adores the kid.
If Panda's out of the running, it's Megumi.
This is also because he remembers when Megumi was a little kid. He didn't help raise Megumi the way the rest of them did--he got cut out after the Zenin incident--but he remembers before, when he was trusted with Megumi. A part of him is always going to remember Megumi as the quiet little boy who used to hide under his desk to read.
I also just see him as keeping more distance from the kids. he's not as actively involved in their teaching. it's partially an act of self protection to have distance--a lot of kids don't make it to graduation. So his favorites are going to be the one he spent the most time with--namely panda and Megumi, just by pure default.
#sea glass gardens#megumi sort of swept the competition but in his defense it's hard to beat being their literal child#he's had more /time/ to endear himself to them#he was the village baby okay#megumi's trapped in a nightmare#you know when you're in high school and you don't want anyone to know your dad's the english teacher#yeah so it's that but /the entire faculty/#all of these people raised him#even with yaga it's a problem#yaga remembers him as the quiet little boy who used to hide under his desk#but /megumi/ remembers hiding under his fucking principal's desk as a little kid and falling asleep cuddling one of his stuffed animals#his fucking principal carried him to a couch and tucked him in for a nap in childhood#he's in agony. he's going to throw himself off the gym building. someone sedate him. he needs to scream into a pillow.#100% of the tokyo jujutsu high faculty has had some kind of hand in raising him. they all have seen him in his pajamas. they have all seen#him when he was sick or upset or when he hit puberty and his voice started cracking#the annoying teacher that drives everyone nuts is the guy that raised him. his legal guardian. the one that makes his life a living hell#whenever anyone flirts with him. /their teacher/ gave him The Talk and there were absolutely terrible jujutsu metaphors involved#gojo devastated that his little boy is grown up: *reading religiously off cue cards* make sure you and/or your partner /cast/ a /veil/ to#help protect from any /curses/ escaping#Megumi in hell: you can just say condoms#Gojo who will cry: i absolutely cannot#he's doing his level best to keep yuuji and nobara in the dark but /all/ of his senpais know that he's gojo satoru's little boy. it's like#having the fucking sword of damocles hanging over him. he knows one day they'll tell the others and he'll be in agony#just put him down like a sick dog at this point he cannot stand this
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winepresswrath · 3 months
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trying to plot out a xichen/huaisang emma au solely for the purposes of slotting jin guangyao and nie mingjue into the already married siblings role. in theory this leaves us with no one to play emma's dad but no they're both emma's dad for maximum impact. and obviously jin guangyao is also the nanny. and it ends with huaisang vowing to be worse, actually.
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spearxwind · 5 months
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i'm an it/its pronouns user myself so when i thought i remembered you going "adri is he/it" i was like well it doesnt seem like anyone else has used those for it yet so i will >:) need more things with an it as a protagonist (off the top of my head i know of like one very short series)
YESSSS youre literally so valid genuinely
I usually just use he for it because of habit, but also bc it sells the illusion as well :) Even despite pronouns and appearance Adri is 100% genderless (its a Thing, and also not even alive) so using 'he' when referring to it is basically 100% what it wants you to do
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gorgynei · 1 year
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#im telling yall. if chet wasnt old (or if shippers werent cowards) he would get shipped with everyone via @strawbie-doodle
you're right actually and you should say it louder
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lurking-latinist · 2 years
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the sixth doctor. reblog if you agree
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ickypuppi3 · 1 year
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i do think it’s funny how, canonically, billy is kinda shitty at flirting and has the most god awful pick up lines but it just works for him because he’s pretty
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assutee · 8 months
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Maybe Aziraphale asked Crowley if he was still a demon in rome bc he was sure Crowley did a too-good thing for hell in the whole Job Story and then already had faith he could become an angel again
Like he's too good of heart to be a demon, surely heaven noticed their mistake somehow
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kujakumai · 2 years
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Can’t with any fanwork where Marik is depicted as some kind of huge flirt. Marik Ishtar has never kissed a boy in his entire life and everything he knows about romance is directly from either 90s teen movies or whatever age-appropriate lectures Rishid gave him which skirted over most of the impolite details. Marik Ishtar wouldn’t know how to flirt unless he magically rifled through your brain first to figure out exactly what you wanted to hear and then he’d still fuck it up somehow.
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