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not-your-fucking-kacchan · 2 years

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I want to ruin my life and throw myself into an arc so uhh

Can i request class 1-A but like outcast reader? Angsty yk where theyre always dismissed in training and forgotten

Oooo I like this one lmfao I want so desperately to make reader this feral little cicin mage like from genshin 😭 buts gonna be gn

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 <3

𝐀𝐢𝐳𝐚𝐰𝐚 𝐚𝐧𝐝 1-𝐀 𝐱 𝐆𝐍!𝐒𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜) - 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐁𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤

Aizawa was starting to become a little worried about you. He had been so busy with Shinsou and his problem children to focus much attention and direction to the rest of the class. Every time he would try to work on it, yet another calamity would occur and force his attention back on the main parties.

He was working on this little flaw of his, continuously checking in with and directing the others during training period. He never got to help you, though. It seemed that whenever he would look for you, you would drop from the face of the earth.

You were avoiding him.

You would sit on your lonesome in class and at lunch, with your head kept down. He's never once seen you exchange small talk. In all honesty, he's less worried about your physical capabilities, and more worried about your mental state. He has a bad feeling.

In reality, you just hated this class. Every day, someone would open their big, ugly mouth and out came nonsense that further convinced you of how undeserving they were of being at the top. You were only here because you were recommended. Your quirk isn't nearly as powerful or flashy, either. Why does everyone else get all the attention when all they do is fuck up and ruin everything?!

All of this comes to light during the next sparring period. You were towing on the edge of keeping up with one of the class' best, until you were unexpectedly knocked down. That was your last straw. How fucking dare he?

You were suffering a humiliating defeat as you sit on your knees on the floor, staring into the distance without focus, until your sight was infiltrated by the image of Midoriya. You hate that stupid brat. The hatred in your veins is only fuelled when he offers a hand to you and a pathetic smile.

Within a second, his hand is slapped away and the room goes silent.

"Get the fuck away from me. Fuck you."

The bite of your words is only dulled by the waver of your voice, and the tears in your eyes. Izuku is stunned, as is the rest of the class. Even Katsuki thinks you're overreacting. Kirishima steps in with a frown. "Hey, man... That wasn't cool-"

He's interrupted when you turn around and walk away, brimming with anger and frustration. How is he so much better than you?! You train every day and constantly home your skills, so how did he beat you faster than you could blink?

Maybe you were being a little horrible, but you've never learned how to offset your anger in healthier ways, so for now, you're happy taking it out on others.

Are you really that weak? Maybe, after everything, you're the one who doesn't deserve to be here...

How come they could always be nice to eachother, but they could never talk to you? Why were you ignored or given strange looks when you tried to open up? How come noone wanted to be your friend?

Aizawa, of course, figured you might react in such a way. Loneliness can easily turn into bitterness if you take your eye off it for too long. He needs to help you fix this.

He wants to keep everyone in this class for as long as he possibly can, and allowing you to exclude yourself any more than you have would be dangerous for everyone, including you.

It's with that, that he starts putting people in pairs for everything. He would force you to socialise if it was the last thing he did.

Every day you would argue with your pair, but it was worth it, because when you were offered kindness or compassion, no matter how reluctant you were to accept it, he could see that little spark in your eye. It was the kind of spark that made him aware of your guard dropping. You were actually starting to care about your classmates.

Obviously Toshinori immediately knew what he was doing when he saw Aizawa put you in a group of three since the class was uneven on a specific day, and he would offer up a smirk and subtle glance as if to say "wow, you finally got through to them".

He supposed that it's not your fault you don't know how to cope with your... Emotional baggage, much like Shouto or Katsuki, but he likes to make you very much aware that it's your responsibility to learn how.

When the day comes that you finally think to apologise to Izuku, the boy you've grown an annoying fondness for, he actually starts to cry. He's so proud of you for not staying emotionally constipated like Katsuki, that he actually floods the room and Aizawa has to open the window for him to violently sob out of so that the entire class doesn't drown.

Slowly, you start to grow a kinship with a few people in your class, and you grow especially close with your bubblegum haired friend Mina, and Jirou, who liked to do her part by teasing you out of your shell. Maybe, you could even learn what it's like to love and be loved back.

#mha x reader #bnha x reader #bnha fanfiction #mha #bnha #bnha fluff #bnha headcanons #mha fluff #aizawa x reader #class 1a x male reader #class 1a x reader #1a x gn reader #1a x fem reader #bnha x fem!reader #bnha x gn!reader #bnha x male reader #bnha x reader angst #mha x reader angst

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strawberrykisseslia · 6 months

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Vanessa Shelly x F! reader

TW: none, some fluff, slight angst, headcanon for Vanessa: she is a flower nerd, she almost knows every type and the meanings of them

A/N: This love by Taylor Swift is probably my favorite song by her at the moment so I wrote a cute little ff for it! :3 also have this while I'll try to make a Christmas special. 🎄

Words count: 1129, it looks a lot more LMFAO

It probably has been months since you and Vanessa broke up, exactly 7 months. The reason for your broke up was pretty messy, but mainly because of how cold and distant Vanessa became towards the end. Her night shifts were just getting longer and longer, you couldn't wait for her more, you needed someone to hold you at night and just be there for you.

After 2 to 3 months of the broke up you decide to date other girls but you it never lasted longer than some hookups. They weren't Vanessa. You missed her badly, every night, every day.

You were sitting nervously in a fancy restaurant that Vanessa picked out for your date... wait? How did you end up here?

One night you were down in a bar to just clear your mind after another one night thing and just to think about everything that has been happening to you through this year. Vanessa popped up in your head again. Everything you shared was wonderful during the beginning, everything just felt perfect. However, when Vanessa became more cold and distant a lot changed. You were feeling lonely though you loved her very much. You tried to talk to her many times about how you should fix this but most of the times she turned you down. All she said was that you were being too clingy and how tired she is. Everytime she promised you that she will try to change but they were just white lies. That's why you broke up with her. As you were getting deeper in your thoughts you suddenly felt a soft tap on your shoulder. When you turned to see who was it, you were left somewhat speechless. It was Vanessa. She looked... different? Her hair was in the usual low ponytail but her eyes looked extremely tired. You could tell she was exhausted. Her under eye bags told everything.

"Vanessa?.. What are you doing here?" You asked with curiosity. She sighed and looked down. She was nervous. "I was out with some friends... then I spotted you." She looked back at you. Despite her tiredness, her look was gentle. You nodded with understanding. "I see..." There were a minute of awkward silence between the two of you but the blonde decided to break the silence. "So... how's everything?" You looked back at her and chuckled lightly. "Not that good just to be honest. I'm pretty lonely.. How about you?" She smiled softly. She understood you, she was really lonely as well. "Same from here. The house has been really quite since you left..." She looked down with some sadness. You felt sad as well because you still loved her very much, but has she changed anything?

Some minutes later she was now next to you chatting about the dates she was on and how badly they turned out. You couldn't help but laugh but your dates weren't that sunshine as well. That was when Vanessa asked you, "Look... I know, we separated on bad terms... but I want you to know that I have changed and I tried to focus and work on myself to be better." You crossed your arms with amusement. "Is that so? I'm glad, it's good to hear, you should be really proud of yourself then!" You smiled. "Well, yea, I am. But there's one more thing..." She nervously quietly tapped on her glass. You raise an eyebrow and tilted your head. "What?" She sighed heavily. You could tell it was not easy for her to say it. "I... want to make things good between us... I want us to be something again." She looked at you with fear of rejection. You looked down and sighed. "Vanessa... I-I don't know. I mean I still love you very much... but I'm not sure." She nodded. "I understand... but please, one date and if it will go bad then... I will leave you alone but... please." You didn't exactly know how to answer this but you badly wanted to make things right... but what if it will end up just like it did before? That was the thing you were afraid of. The loneliness, the coldness of the warm home.

Eventually you said yes and that's how you ended up in that fancy restaurant. It actually has been weeks since Vanessa asked you out on the date but you needed proper time to think about the invitation. You needed to clear with yourself what you are going to get into again but you loved her very much and you needed at least this last date if it was the truly last time, you are ever going to see her.

You were extremely nervous though. Vanessa were as well even because of how late she was running due to the storm outside. You weren't mad at her for being late, you were only worried about her and the storm.

After 20 minutes she made it. In her hands there were white roses, which mostly symbolized loyalty. You always knew it was important for Vanessa what type of flower she is bringing. She was a big flower nerd. (Headcanon.)

You smiled at her and got up from your seat. After she placed down the roses she hugged you tightly and gave you a small kiss on the cheek. She knew you liked kisses on your cheeks and she always found that adorable.

You and Vanessa ordered your good and started to talk about everything. Laughed about the awkward dates you guys had with other girls. You even talked about how you felt during your relationship with her. She truly understood everything you said and it was clear to you that she actually has changed. She understood her mistakes, you could see it in her eyes and her eyes never lied.

The date went well, better than you expected it.

It has been years since you started dating with Vanessa. It was the best decision you has ever made. She started to talk more and more about her true feelings and you appreciated her honesty. She made more time for you and was always there for you, of course you did the same thing for her and of course you understood that her job may not let her have much free time but she explained everything to you, the reasons why and just how will she try and make up for it.

She changed a lot, in a good way and you were extremely happy with how well her healing were going since you knew about her traumatic childhood.

You knew that there were be ups and downs in your relationship but at least now you both knew how to help each other and how to get through those times.

,,This love is good,

This love is bad,

This love is alive back from the dead,

These hands had to let it go free, and

This love came back to me

This love left a permanent mark

This love is glowing in the dark

These hands had to let it go free, and

This love came back to me"

#Spotify #elizabeth lail #female reader #lesbian #vanessa shelly #five nights at freddy's #fnaf movie #fnaf #vanessa afton #taylor swift #five nights at freddy's security breach #fnaf security breach #vanessa shelly x reader #vanessa shelly x fem!reader #vanessa shelly x you #lgbtq

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sp3ncerr31dsw1f3 · 4 months

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i love you

an: lol my first ever fanfic lmfao pls dont bully me and I'm sorry I'm making so many changes after proof reading (song: i love you by billie eilish)

warnings: mentions of blood, death and stabbing, i think that's it pls lemme know if i missed any!

pairing: spencer reid x f!reader

genre: angst with happy ending, fluff

It was like any other case. I do my part and the others do theirs. Or so I thought. I was hurt almost a month back from a stab wound to the side when I should've been paying attention. Spencer was on the way to warn me, but it was too late. I was laying in a pool of my own blood. I heard Spencer's name in an echo. I could't respond, on the verge of death. If he hadn't come in time, I probably would've been dead. Spencer and I had an argument before us coming on this case because today wasn't actually the day I was supposed to return. I actaually had one and a half weeks left, but of course, boy genius found out. We bickered about, but I ended up coming anyway and he didn't say a word to me the whole flight here, nor did he look at me.

Right now, we're on another life risking case. Trying to find a little girl and the man somewhere in the house hiding with her. Spencer along side of me, closer than he'd usually be before I got stabbed. He's trying to prevent what happened last time from happening again. I appreciate that, but if he ever got hurt, or worse, killed because of me being unattentive of my surroundings, I'd never be able to forgive myself. I shake off the thought when I hear a muffled scream and a man yelling 'shut up'. Instinctivley, Spencer moves in front of me. I hold my gun a bit to my waist, again, not the best idea. "Come out!", Spencer yells. "We're the FBI!", he yells out once again, turning towards me and nodding his head to where the sounds were coming from. I was thrown off by the fact that he didn't even look at me when he turned my way. He looked a bit past me, which kind of made me upset. I stand by the door with my back towards the wall as he kicks in the door. The man suddenly lets go of the small girl and charged towards Spencer and in that moment I froze. My fault. If he dies, It's all my fault. The man punched Spencer twice before I point my gun towards the man, but as I did, he saw me and immediately started charging toward me. Out of shock, remembering what happened to me last time, I drop. The man hovering me. I close my eyes tight, while he has a knife to my throat.

Once again, I hear Spencer's name, but loud and clear this time. My eyes shoot open and I use my free hand, which is close to the knife on my thigh and reach for it. I quickly stab the man in his leg repeatedly until he's off of me. Spencer immediately rushes over to the man and puts him in cuffs. He then comes over to me whose catching my breath that I held in and from the man's weight. "Are you okay?", he asks worriedly, scanning my body. I nod and point to where the little girl is, signaling him to help her first. I get up feeling a familiar pain where I was stabbed. I lift up my shirt only to see the stitching being opened. I pull it back down when I see Spencer carrying the little girl in his arms. I rush over to her. "Are you okay, sweet girl?", I ask the small girl. She nods and starts to cry. I tell Spencer to take her to Emily and I'll be there in a bit. Right after Spencer settles the girl with Emily, he immediately comes back to me with a worried expression. "Y/N...are you okay?", he asks coming closer. "It hurts, Spencer.", I say with tears in my eyes. I was talking both about the argument and the wound. I couldn't stand being on bad terms with Spencer. He was the love of my life, though he doesn't know that.

"What hurts, Y/N?", he asked, scanning my face, noticing I'm in both mental and physical pain. He then scans my body and spots the blood on the side of my shirt. "Oh God, did he do that?", he asked, his voice shaking. "Why didn't you just listen to your doctor and stay back?", he looks at me while holding the wound as it continuously bled. My legs are wobbling, not just from the pain, but the mental exaustion. He was right. I should've listened. I am not mentally nor physically ready yet. We get to the ambulance that was already outside. "Please help her.", Spencer says desperately to the medic. I get into the back of the second ambulance as Spencer informs the team what happened. I saw him open the back of the ambulance with me. "Hey, angel. We're gonna get you help, okay?", he says, wiping the tears off of my face. The exaustion soon took over and I passed out. I soon wake up in the hospital bed. The wound feeling a bit better. They restitched it. I turn to my side to see Spencer fast asleep with his head resting on the side of the bed. I weakly place my hands in his hair, which made him stir and slowly open his eyes.

"Hi, sweet girl. They brought you food.", he says. "Hi, Spence. You can have the jello", I smile at him. "Really?, Thank you.", he says exictedly, but he has tears in his eyes. "Angel?", he says. I hum in response. "Please, please listen to your doctor." he says pleadingly. "They're mostly always right.", he says holding his hand in mine. I smile and chuckle. "Yeah, I know.", I say reffering to him. He laughs along, but says in a trying to be serious tone, "No, but really, Y/N. I can't lose you. I almost did. Twice.", he pauses for a moment. "I love you, Y/N. So so much.", he says bringing my palm to his face. My heart skips a beat and my eyes well with tears, never expecting that from him. "I love you too, Spence.", I say with a shaky voice while brushing my thumb over his teary cheek. "So so much."

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer ried x reader #angst with a happy ending #matthew gray gubler #emily prentiss #criminal minds fanfiction #first post #paget brewster #spencer reid fanfiction

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northern-passage · 1 year

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hey whats up!! i'm someone who is writing my own if, and i'm doing bad over here 😰😰😰 i really need help developing my world, and the northern passage is so so super cool, i've never seen anything like it and i love tnp soooo much. do you mind sharing how you did your worldbuilding, or any tips you have (for the worldbuilding or just in general i have no idea what i'm doing any of the time) or anything you think might be helpful at all in any way please i'm doing bad i'm doing so bad

oh this is funny anon i was just ranting about worldbuilding to some of my friends the other day lmfao

firstable i will send you over to brandon sanderson's lectures on worldbuilding (two parts, lectures 5&6, it's a little over 2 hours)

i assume you're writing a fantasy but i know worldbuilding is also pretty significant for scifi and post apoc settings as well, and kind of an integral part across all 3 genres. so i won't get too specific since idk much about your story but i'll tell you what i did for tnp

so tnp's setting is one that i've kinda been kicking around since like.. high school... but it's changed a lot since then, as your writing from high school always should. but the most basic thing i started with was the environment. i knew i wanted it to be cold and i wanted the ocean to play a significant part in the story, which led me to making it a significant part of the culture, both in the religion as well as the economy.

if it's cold and mountainous then what exactly would sustain the people there and how would their economy function? i already wanted the ocean to be a part of the story, so why not make a port city an important location? the north would focus on trading, fishing and whaling and animal husbandry while the warmer southern areas were perfect for farming. the backbone of Adrania is their port cities and trading across the country between the north and the south.

i'm not really one to get super into this kind of worldbuilding, especially since my story is not focused on this aspect of the world, however it's still important to feel out the basics, imo. you want to have a general idea of what day to day life looks like and how it is this country/kingdom/colony/etc functions. and in a broader sense it's a way for me to find roles for my characters to fill, like as an example: Merry works in tnp because maritime trade is very significant to the two countries present, so of course there would be pirates.

from there, my focus shifted to the story itself: the hunters. when i look back, i didn't really ask myself these questions word for word at the time, but i think this is a good general idea of how i started feeling things out:

1. what are hunters?

2. what is their role in the story and in the wider world?

3. how exactly do they fit in? what effect does their existence have?

4. why are they needed?

5. how do other people feel about them?

you can substitute whatever you need in that first question in place of hunters and apply this to just about anything. those 5 questions will get you pretty far, and will lead you to more questions, too. if hunters exist to stop monsters, then where do the monsters come from? they come from the vel. what's the vel? it was put in place by the gods to confine humanity to one plane of existence. well, who are the gods? and how do the monsters still get through? the gods are xyz and they did a bad job so the vel can be weakened. how can the vel be weakened? because it's blood magic. what's blood magic? are there other kinds of magic, too? on and on and on and on....

if you have a magic system, i once again point you to brando sando. if you don't want to watch the full lectures, you can still check out his 3 laws of magic essays on his website. tnp's magic system is something i'm still kind of figuring out (this is a first draft, after all) but i knew i wanted it to be elemental based +blood magic and i knew i wanted it to work alongside alchemy. i've made changes since then to allow for enchantments and other cool stuff i have planned later down the line, and i know it's something that i'll need to refine in the first 2 chapters at some point. so i honestly don't have too much advice on that one... so go read the essays ☝️ i also feel that these 3 laws can also be applied more broadly to like, how the technology works in your scifi/cyberpunk story as well so i still recommend reading them even if you're not using magic.

when it comes to worldbuilding, the biggest thing you want to do is look at your story and ask yourself... "does this make sense?" which sounds very silly but let me use an example (and also continue the rant i was on about the other day lol)

i was watching a review for fourth wing and i'm sorry to anyone that likes this book but it's a good example of very bad worldbuilding. the rundown is that this is supposed to be a very militaristic society, they force people into military training academies for the sole purpose of funneling them straight into The Military. however. for some reason... they just Kill anyone who doesn't "pass" the super elite training courses....? this doesn't make sense. why would they not just delegate them to another role within the military? why not just use them as cannon fodder? what about the logistics-- who is cooking meals for this military, is there a functioning quartermaster, what about people that just take care of the dragons (they have dragons in this book. we could say horses, too, or any other animal, really)? a military consists of more than just Super Special Elite Soldiers.

you want your choices and story to make sense within the society you've created, whatever that society may be. fourth wing gets compared to the hunger games, but it's not the hunger games. the hunger games had in-world reasoning for the kids to die during the games. there was a society that was built around the games and it functioned in a way that made sense. there is no reason for the kids to die in fourth wing except for the author to make an artificial conflict for the mc that doesn't make sense.

so if you already have your story, and you know what you want to do with it, you need to build a society that compliments your story and that actually allows it to happen. they have to hold hands and get along.

anyways that's a lot of rambling... i hope this helps, at least a little bit! worldbuilding can feel very daunting, but honestly i encourage you to start small like i did - something as simple as the weather and the terrain, and that will lead you on to more and more and more.

#godspeed o7 #also if u have more specific questions feel free to send in more i like talking abt this stuff lol #if you can't tell.....#writing #ask #anonymous

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otteroflore · 2 years

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i found a pdf of a herpetology book because im trying to learn more about animals (its basically just a herpetology textbook) and quiz myself on scientific names and stuff; and wikipedia is stressing me out lmfao

from the book:

wikipedias summation:

but wikipedia adds this:

why are birds so stacked in clades and clades and clades?! its been so long since i did any sort of taxonomy but i wish I had done a class specific in it, i feel like such a bad biologist-y person for not knowing ;-;

i have a hard time understanding/accepting things without understanding all the details, and a hard time memorizing things, so ive never been very good at taxonomy which is really just memorization. im using the flashcards app on my phone to try and make cards to help. i havent done anything this memory intensive for a while, makes me feel a bit hopeless about going back to grad school.

#herpetology #reptiblr

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lamaenthel · 7 months

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

thank you for tagging me @ahsokathegray !!<3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

25!

2. What's your total A03 word count?

231k lmaoooo when did that happen I feel like I've been in a fugue state since February

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Star Wars (and technically, TECHNICALLY The Matrix but it's a Star Wars AU fusion lmao)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Porg Eyes, Princess For A Year, Ram'ser'ika, Better Than Nothing, The Contingency

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes every single one omfg I love everyone

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Well, Soft Dark Nothing is Ahsoka and Rex on the moon right after The Tribunal crashed so by default it's gotta be her (rip Jesse my beloved)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Not Bad ends up with Snips n Skyguy going to Biscuit Baron lmao

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet but I live in fear every day especially since I'm dipping my toe in the Republic Commandos pond and I know the girlies are passionate

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do and it's ridiculously graphic HAHAHA no but there's a reason I haven't posted any Rexsoka smut. Makin y'all wait for it until they COMMIT, gotta keep that tension in there somewhere uwu. But wlw, mlw, mlm, aliens and cyborgs gonna work their way in there eventually (?) I have Not Out Loud, which is an mlm fic with Boba tying up Cal and facefucking him (Kesett nation rise)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Go Ask Ahsoka is the Matrix crossover that I wrote for AU August which I will eventually update lmfao

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No but I would cry

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not like… technically but Erika is my beta and my bestie and she comes up with amazing ideas and lets me play with her OCs so honestly she counts (ilu)

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Rexsoka 💙🧡, closely followed by Anidala (burning down the galaxy for a single person is objectively WRONG but also hot)

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Well Do Not Go Gentle is a huge fucking project that I HOPE I finish one day

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty good at action. I enjoy it which helps lmao

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I get really ahead of myself laying out hints and red herrings which I then forget about (Princess For A Year especially is the worst about this, I am so sorry for all of those hints about Sylen being a pretend Mandalorian I fucked up so bad with that one but I'm going to rewrite it eventually to bring back a bunch of my dropped subplots)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I enjoy it and do so regularly. Mando'a nuhur'shya ni ru'kar'tayli. And it makes my brain work in unexpected ways, it's like a puzzle trying to figure out the wacky ass baby's-first-conlang grammar that is Karen's creation (what the fuck kind of language doesn't have a passive voice)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

OKAY OKAY TECHNICALLY, TECHNICALLY????? It was the Lion King. I was in first grade and we had to write a little storybook and illustrate the pages they gave us with crayons and my story was How Simba Lost His Mane lmfaoooo

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

I have poured my whole heart, soul, brain, and pussy into Tivaevae pls read it it's longer than The Hobbit

no pressure tags: @soliloquy-of-nemo, @tangledlichen, @ink-in-books, @hannah-schooler

#tag game #LOOK MA I DO ACTUALY REMEMBERED TO DO ONE OF THESE #rexsoka #kesett #my writing

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mapoeggplant · 2 months

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Man, I am happy that shima is making progress but… the whole situation makes me nervous. There is this, idk how to explain it, menacing undertone through the whole chapter. He is finally acting on his wants, but making a lot of rush decisions largely based on jealousy and loneliness (the fact that we see again how people keep his distance from him. The class politics bit was funny but also kinda sad). The Frankenstein's monster kills people as an act of vengence, but essentially it's a desperate cry for love and attention born out of jealousy, abandonment and hurt. Something Shima relates to a lot. The thing is, while jealousy motivated him before in a positive way (joining the club, confronting ririka), it is not healthy when it's your main compelling force. Of course Shima isn't really doing anything wrong (or i guess it depends whether people agree with Yasaka's perspective) and he wants to hang out with Mitsumi because he enjoys her presence. But there is a lot of other very complicated feelings bubbling in Shima and he is still unable to communicate with her properly. I can't help but wonder what if it ends up hurting her again? And what if this time she really gets angry? We've seen them "fight" before - once when they didn't know each other that well and the second time when shima didn't stand up for her and she ended up kinda swallowing her own feelings. The thing is, Mitsumi is lovely, considerate and forgiving person, and she loves Shima, but she is only a human. In a way, getting angry and allowing herself that feeling would be an interesting development for her too. As for Shima if he were to hurt Mitsumi again, who would stand on his side? Not the girls, Mukai probably wouldn't be too happy with him either. In that scenario - wouldn't Shima prove to himself that he is a monster doomed for life of loneliness? Well, not really, because conflicts are part of any close relationship and I think Shima has to learn that. He is no Frankenstein's monster, just 16. I find it interesting that he will perform the play twice.. perhaps with a different interpretation each time?

That was a whole lot of speculation and watch me be completely wrong and their Kyoto date being the fluffiest and sweetest chapter lol. Also, so sorry for writing a whole as essay, i surprised myself there 😭

hi! first, please don't be sorry, it's completely ok for you to send a big question to me like this!!

I totally understand and see your point. it is very difficult for shima to be dealing with feelings as heavy as these and to see himself as a monster. it's not healthy and it's not the best feeling in the world, and feeling jealous is always something that hurts a lot.

but I also want to give you a new perspective on this: he's finally acting on his own, be it for acting itself and for trying to express his feelings to mitsumi. he, for the first time, didn't kept it to himself and just stayed in the corner, sad and resentful. he acted a little spoiled and needy? yes, but it's not a terrible thing to act like that once in a while.

now I want to hit a point that you said and I understand where you're coming from: shima hurting mitsumi again. I'm not going to lie, ofc this stays in the back of my mind and I do think about this a lot, not only for the Kyoto trip, but their whole relationship. it's sad to see him not being able to understand his own feelings and acting out on impulse and risking loosing mitsumi but, if it ever comes to a point that he does hurt mitsumi and make her cry, shouldn't we hold him accountable for that?

listen, I'm a shima defender till I die. I'm on this boat for two years (and a half??????? I'm bad with dates, sorry LMFAO) now and I won't back down but if he eventually does something wrong, why would I stay by his side and deny he ever did something wrong? to love a character is to accept that they can fuck up and pick it back again. I won't ever put him in a standard of being perfect and not able to hurt mitsumi at all, but I won't also put him on fire because he made a mistake. he's a teenager. he's traumatized. he's carrying a pain that has been with him longer than his life without certain pain. ofc he will make mistakes and ofc he will fuck it up and...that's completely ok. that's fine. that's life.

I know he's fictional and that his actions are created by a person. he isn't real so like, there IS someone controlling him but for the whole narrative of skip to loafer, we saw characters that were very human, that made mistakes and stood back up, that got hurt, that have complex feelings. so I trust sensei to give me a character that can do something wrong, acknowledge that and fix it. my problem would be if she decides that shima can't do anything wrong anymore or make him commit a lot of mistakes and never realize them (which he never did. he knows were he was wrong, even on the situation between the other girls that left mitsumi sad. he knows he was wrong).

also, shima isn't a monster. him finding solace and seeing himself on frankenstein doesn't mean that he's going to act exactly like the monster himself. actually, in the chapter, he sees the monster's mistakes and reflect on them. he also sees the scientist mistakes. sometimes we find comfort in morally gray characters and that doesn't make us a bad person — what it does is how we act upon that and how we behave accordingly with it.

so, what I want to say with all this: shima is slowly finding his place on earth and trying to make his feelings fall into place. that means he won't ever make a mistake again? no, never. who knows, maybe he can fuck it up on the Kyoto trip and we, as readers and as people who love him, need to call him out. and honestly, I would be very glad if mitsumi was the one to call him out and say "listen, you are hurting me. I'm not going to put up with this". she's sweet, kind and open minded, but she can also stand up for herself, like she did other times as well.

shima is one of the most important characters for me in a whole while. I see myself a lot on his journey to self discovery and just love him and the way he's written, overall. as a writer, he's even my style of character, the type I love to write. so yeah, I will still be making analysis on him, will still defend him with my eyes closed and will still love him. but I will also recognize his mistakes, expose them and try to understand why he did it (all ofc analyzing him as a character, we need to remind us of that!! he's a character and the characters around him, mitsumi included, don't know about his traumas at all).

I hope I didn't sound rude in any way, because that's not what I meant to. I just wanted to be very frank and open with you, because I understand your frustrations and I see what you mean. honestly, it's hard to say "this and that is going to happen" right now, since we're in a very "open" part of the story, starting a new arc that's far from its climax. I hope you understood what I meant and that you can find some sort of comfort on my words.

well, i hope you feel comfortable enough to keep making questions and having a discussion with me!! reflecting on this was very fun and I loved it a lot. hope it was good for you too!

thank you 💛💛

#shima sousuke #two years and half as a shima defender nonstop #I won't back down too soon lmao #duckanswers

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acorpsecalledcorva · 4 months

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Lmfao, so for whatever reason I decided to look at the DID tags on twitter, probably as a form of digital SH and the first post I see on there annoys the fuck out of me

TW for discussion of self harm and self injury

Ok so first thing I see is this

And this is definitely a touchy subject subject for me, I get hyper critical when I see it discussed, especially since some early conversations with my therapist. Even before that discussion though I've always hated the way self harm is discussed even if I couldn't articulate those feelings.

And that's because abstinence as a moral imperative might be the most damaging ideology to ever worm it's way into society.

I mean, even the title of that article "First, Do No Harm, Not Even to Yourself" is soaked in moral judgement, "hurting other people is wrong and bad, right? So why would do a wrong and bad thing to yourself? You wouldn't download a razor blade" and it doesn't even make a proper argument on the moral philosophy of harm, she merely attempts to imply immorality by association. Hurting others is wrong because it violates their autonomy, your liberty to swing your arm ends just where my nose begins, right? It's about consent. In BDSM, a sadist may physically hurt a masochist because they have consented to it being done to them. Similarly, gender affirming care doesn't violate the Hippocratic Oath no matter how strongly a transphobe feels about it because informed consent is given to the treatment. Conversely, genial reconstruction surgeries performed on intersex babies or even infant circumsions should be considered a violation because consent has not and cannot be given.

But how does this apply to self-harm? It's your body, it's your autonomy, you aren't violating shit. Even being in a system no single alter has complete authority over the body, it's still possible to come to a consensus without unanimous agreement because guess what? Making decisions while having conflictual feelings or being in two minds is a perfectly normal human experience.

Am I saying you should self harm? No. Of course not. I'm simply saying that self harm is not an immoral act and I will remove the personhood of anyone that tries to weaponise shame in this way against people who almost certainly feel an incredibly painful and torturous amount of shame and guilt already.

The article is also vaccuously lacking in substance. The author seems to think this 'gotcha' is a sufficient argument but itself, checkmate traumatised liberals, but obviously needs to generate ad revenue through scrolling so offers 8 "new realities" to help reinforce a morally pure and healthy mindset.

1. Feelings are survivable and containable

Uhhh sure, they can be, if you have the right coping mechanisms to deal with them. You can't just tell someone to forgo the coping mechanisms they already have without successfully replacing them with something equally or more effective though. The whole point of dissociation from trauma is because certain feelings ARE deemed to be unsurvivable by the brain, you're not weak minded for thinking so.

2. We have art, reading, distractions, therapist, meds

Yeah no shit, that's not always enough though and you haven't failed if you try them and they don't work, the coping mechanisms have failed, not you.

3. We deserve to feel better

So true! Self harming makes me feel better when emotional distress is overwhelming me, I'm glad we agree

4. We don't need to guarantee pain

You know what guarantees pain? Shaming yourself out of using a coping mechanism without addressing it's root cause, but that's ok because feelings are "survivable" right?

5. We don't have to hurt via self-abuse

I actually don't know what that's supposed to mean, I can hurt myself without hurting myself? I don't have to self harm? I know I don't have to, but I can if it's better to do so than to not

6. Our trauma is over, why continue it?

First of all fuck you, retraumatisation is a very well noted trauma response, but so is shame and guilt so who's really continuing our trauma here?

7. We don't have to stand vigil over pain to honour abused parts

EXACTLY! That's what coping mechanisms are for, hey guess what coping mechanism can be really effective at temporarily relieving emotional pain? I'll give you a hint, it's not reading.

8. We will honour our abused parts with self compassion, understanding, acceptance, and encouragement

Once again so true! I will be compassionate to abused parts, understanding and accepting of the coping mechanisms they choose, while encouraging exploration of healthy alternatives without shaming them if they don't work.

Her website is littered with BuzzFeed style listicles of "25 ways to avoid self injury and prevent self harm" "25 more ways to avoid self injury and prevent self harm" "another 25 even more ways to avoid self injury and prevent self harm" and like, sure, they're all perfectly fine distraction techniques but what really pisses me off about the wording of these is that they're framed as ways to distract yourself from the urge to self harm, as though the urge itself is what's wrong, and not the pain and hurt that the urge is a response to.

Just watch one more movie bro, trust me bro, this next one will be the one that makes the pain go away bro just trust me one more movie bro.

I have wasted so much fucking time hating myself and shaming myself and feeling like a failure for breaking my streak. Torturing myself during some of the most emotionally distraught moments of my life because "it doesn't matter how much pain I'm in I can't give into the urge, I can't do that, no matter what I mustn't ever do that" imagining how much worse I'll feel when I punish myself for being too weak.

Do you know what I do now? I take note of the feeling, give it space and allow it to be present and I make a bargain with myself. I will give myself 2 hours to distract and soothe from the emotional pain that I or another part is experiencing, and if that doesn't work then we'll self harm with no shame or judgement. And you'll never guess what, I haven't even come close to self harming, and that's great! And maybe sometime it won't be enough and that'll be fine too, it'll just mean I really needed to. The parts that want to self harm feel respected and listened to, my hurt and abused parts feel seen because I'm paying attention to them and not fighting with the self harm part and we all get to move through the experience with grace.

8. We will honour our abused parts with self compassion, understanding, acceptance, and encouragement

Fucking damn right I will, in every way I can.

So yeah, that was my first 5 seconds on DID twitter how was your day?

#syscourse #tw s3lf harm #tw sh related #tw sh

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zodarii-dae · 1 year

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Just finished watching 3rd Life!!!! I was a bit busy so I couldn't do it as quickly as I wanted to but I made it.

I watched Grian's pov as you suggested and holy fuck was that a ride. I have Thoughts.

Grian and Scar. Scar and Grian. Those two shared a braincell and Grian had it for most of the series.

Grian I think had the most kills out of anyone by the end of it??? Guy really thought he could use Scar as an excuse to satiate his bloodlust without losing any lives. He was 100% correct.

Scar had a lot of kills too, didn't he? Especially in the Dogwarts war. Even if he is the goofy boss to Grian's competent right-hand man, it was nice to see him get down to business as well.

"Your Honor, he pleads /j."

I'm focusing a lot on Scar and Grian here, but I would also like to give a shoutout to Jimmy for being the first person out. From what I hear it's pretty on-brand for him and it makes me think Scott was his Grian. For a second I thought it was Cleo tho.

The Battle of the Red Desert was painful to watch lmfao.... Scar pulled the lever, Grian. Wrong time tho.

Can't be good at building without being good at demolition. Grian really likes TNT, doesn't he. Just pray he never improves at redstone, I think it's best his traps stay broken.

I learned from a comment section that Impulse was killed for a clock that belonged to him in the first place. Rough going, buddy.

Scar's second death had me wheezing.... that's how you know he had some sort of plot armor on, no matter what Grian might say, cuz no way in hell did that guy become the first red name and stay alive for 2nd place.

That was the most Canadian fistfight I ever did see. Scar's muscles did not help.

Grian I see is associated with a bird sometimes? I don't know the reason for that but I find it interesting considering he killed himself by jumping off a cliff.

All in all....... yeah I really liked it!!! I have only watched Grian's pov tho, so if you recommend checking out any other POVs, I could do so. Not sure if I'll be able to watch any of the other Life seasons soon, as I might start dipping into, y'know, Hermitcraft/Empires (thanks to you, really!), but we'll see.

This was long. Yeah. Uhhhh Wings of Fire: A Guide To The Dragon World is coming out October I think I read the excerpt I'm excited ok bye-

nice! glad to see you again :D.

desert duo my beloved. absolutely they are two halves of a whole idiot. grian is the designated braincell holder.

grian kills and maims and we love him for it. i love his maniacal laugh whenever he gets a good kill. like a cartoon villain.

scar is goofy and silly and also bloodthirsty. he's so much fun. he can go from himbo to terrifying red life so fast.

yup, very on brand. poor jimmy. scott is kind of his grian? he's definitely the green to his red, and smart to his stupid, but their vibes are pretty different from grian and scar. they're husbands rather than boss and right hand.

i cannot physically express how disappointed i was when the explosion didn't kill anyone.

the real best duo, grian and tnt.

impulse's death... oh i feel so bad for him. you could hear him starting to say bdubs' name as he died. i had to stare at the wall for like five minutes after that scene.

the only reason scar lasted so long was because of grian. if they hadn't teamed up, he would have died much quicker lmao.

oh the fist fight. oh the cactus ring. oh god.

grian is usually depicted as a parrot hybrid. i'm not sure why, i think it started as a hermitcraft fandom thing that bled into his other stuff. people often fannonized as birds falling to death is one of my favorite things. i can't get enough of it.

if you want to watch more povs, i would recommend martyn or scott. martyn's is good if you want to understand the dogwarts side of things, and scott's is just one of my favorites.

i haven't watched any hermitcraft myself, but i plan to one of these days. empires is one of my favorite smps, and really what got me back into mcyt. if you ever do get around to watching the other life series, i think you'd enjoy them!

i'm also very excited for the guidebook! i haven't read the excerpt though.

#trafficblr #traffic smp #life series #life smp #3l smp #3rd life #3rd life smp #zdae speaks #eggnog asks

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possibly-in-wonderland · 6 months

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Boromir and his chaotic hobbit wife #2

(still thinking of a name for her, im considering either magnolia or myrtle...anyway...here's more! once again, this features other members of the fellowship)

~~~~~

Hobbitess: Don't ask me what I'm talking about. I don't know, okay? I'm just the vessel. The message has been gifted. I've moved on.

~~~~~

Hobbitess: Okay, truth or dare? Boromir: Truth Hobbitess: How many hours have you slept this week? Boromir: Boromir: ...Dare Hobbitess: Go to bed. Boromir: I don't like this game.

~~~~~

Boromir: This is such a bad idea. Hobbitess: Then why are you coming along? Boromir: One of us needs to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

~~~~~

Hobbitess: I prevented a murder today. Boromir: Really? How'd you do that? Hobbitess: self control.

~~~~~

Hobbitess: I am an expert at identifying birds. Boromir: Okay, what about those ones flying over there? Hobbitess: Yeah, they're all birds.

(honestly that one could go either way lmfao)

~~~~~

Boromir: Is something burning? Hobbitess: Just my love for you. Boromir: love, the toaster is on fire.

~~~~~

Hobbitess: Change is inedible. Boromir: Don't you mean inevitable? Hobbitess, spitting out coins: No, I did not.

~~~~~

Boromir: You're giving me a sticker? Hobbitess: Not just a sticker.That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me- wow!” Boromir: I'm not a preschooler. Hobbitess: Fine, I'll take it back Boromir: I earned this, back off!

~~~~~

Boromir: Dumbest scar stories, go! Hobbitess: I burned my tongue once drinking tea. Merry: I dropped a pan on my leg once and burned it. Pippin: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade. Sam: I was taking a pot of noodles off of the stove and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn. Frodo: Frodo: I have emotional scars.

~~~~~

Hobbitess: Rules are made to be broken. Boromir: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken. Merry: Uh, piñatas. Pippin: Glow sticks. Sam: Karate boards. Frodo: Spaghetti when you have a small pot. Hobbitess: Rules. Boromir:

(*grumbles in italian about spaghetti*)

~~~~~

Hobbitess: Bye Boromir! Bye Gandalf! Bye Gimli! Bye Aragorn! Bye Boromir! Pippin: You said ‘bye Boromir’ twice. Hobbitess: I like Boromir.

~~~~~

Hobbitess: Pippin, can I talk to you for a second? Pippin: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and Boromir are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss? Hobbitess: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.

~~~~~

(modern au)

Boromir: Hobbitess and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us Aragorn: *Sighing* What did Hobbitess do? Boromir: They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and... Hobbitess: Who wants a steering wheel?

~~~~~

Hobbitess, after Boromir's death: ive come to a point in my life where i need a stronger word than "fuck"

~~~~~

fair warning, these next few will probably be spicy

~~~~~

Hobbitess: Well, Boromir and I finally did it! The rest of the squad: *gasps, shocked expressions, etc.* Hobbitess: That's right... We kissed!

~~~~~

Boromir: I feel like doing something stupid. Hobbitess: I’m stupid, do me.

~~~~~

Boromir: What are you in the mood for? Hobbitess: World domination. Boromir: That's a bit ambitious. Hobbitess: You are my world. Boromir: Aww... Hobbitess: Boromir: Hobbitess: Boromir: OH.

~~~~~

Boromir: Sorry I’m late, I was doing things. Hobbitess: Hi, I’m ‘things’.

~~~~~

Hobbitess: I like your new pants! Boromir: Thanks, they were 50% off! Hobbitess: I’d like them better if they were 100% off. *winks* Boromir: The store can’t just give away clothes for free. Hobbitess: Thats’s… not what I meant. Boromir: That’s a terrible way to run a business, Hobbitess.

~~~~~

Hobbitess: Hey, I’m getting in the shower. Wanna help me out? Boromir: ...Have you never taken a shower before?

~~~~~

Hobbitess: It'll be fun. Hobbitess: We'll make a day of it. Hobbitess: Come on you punk bitch. Boromir: I can't believe I have to say this. Boromir: I don't have time to get tested for sti's with you tomorrow.

~~~~~

Hobbitess: *banging a pen on the table out of frustration* Boromir: Stop that. How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table? Hobbitess: I— Hobbitess: I don’t know the correct answer to that question.

~~~~~

Boromir: Wow, Hobbitess, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you. Hobbitess: We literally slept together yesterday. Boromir: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

~~~~~

alright, back to non-spicy stuff

~~~~~

Hobbitess: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy. Boromir: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep. Hobbitess: I said within reason, Boromir. How about I murder that guy? Boromir: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't? Hobbitess: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

~~~~~

Hobbitess: I got us matching friendship bracelets, and you say I don't care about our relationship. Boromir: These are handcuffs. Hobbitess: Yeah, 'cause we're partners in crime!

~~~~~

Boromir: You have to apologize to them Hobbitess. Hobbitess: Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!

~~~~~

Pippin: Where did you get that tomato soup? Hobbitess: It’s actually a bowl of ketchup I just microwaved.

~~~~~

Pippin: My head hurts. Gandalf: That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.

~~~~~

Gimli: Did you ever have like a pet run away and find it or anything? Hobbitess: I had a lizard that I burnt.

~~~~~

Hobbitess: *Hugs Boromir from behind* Hobbitess: *Tucks Boromir's hair behind his ear* Hobbitess, whispering: Eat all the frosted animal crackers again and they'll never find your body.

~~~~~

Boromir: This is a bad idea. Hobbitess: Then why are you coming along? Boromir: Someone has to get your injured ass home.

~~~~~

Boromir to Hobbitess: Turn that frown upside-down! *a little while later* Boromir: What are you doing? Hobbitess, trying to do a handstand: You told me to “turn that frown upside-down” but it’s not working .

~~~~~

#lotr #lord of the rings #boromir #boromirs hobbit wife #gimli son of gloin #aragorn son of arathorn #pippin took #gandalf the grey #merry brandybuck #frodo baggins #samwise gamgee

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artekai · 11 months

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Wow, they weren't kidding. Those nightmares can really hit you in your fears and anxieties

Vent under cut (if you read you have to promise not to judge and not to let it affect your perception of me)

I just dreamt that one of my friends texted me something along the lines of "Hey, I need to level with you. I found a romantic partner, and while this hasn't happened before, they fulfill all of my needs so let's not talk anymore" so basically just telling me they didn't need me anymore because they had a partner now so I should stop talking to them. And I know it sounds stupid and like it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things (it's certainly far from the worst I've had), but fuck has it been hard not to be afraid I'm gonna be left alone lately, and my brain just had to spell it out for me. I swear my heart physically hurt when I woke up lmfao, that's how bad it scared me.

I have to imagine it would be easier to deal with the actual, concrete, physical problems I have irl if I weren't also constantly anxious about losing everyone I care about. I'm a terrible friend so I don't see why they shouldn't get tired of me soon and move onto someone better. I know at least they deserve better. And what else do I have going for me if not my friends? They're the only reason I'm still sane. Fml.

I hate that I'm like this. I hate that it genuinely scares me to the point of making me feel physically sick. I've been getting the urge to self isolate again - granted, I've been busy and exhausted so that also makes it harder to socialize - but a part of me still can't help but feel like it would be easier to take it into my own hands, to strike first so it doesn't catch me by surprise. It's my fault that I'm afraid to lose anyone, anyway, for daring to let myself get close to them in the first place. But it always feels so good at first, doesn't it? I always get carried away by that feeling, even knowing what's inevitably coming, sooner or later.

I can't help but think I'm a horrible person for thinking that way, too. I literally come here and publicly display red flags every other day lmao. So I don't understand how my friends still think I'm worth being friends with. Why they didn't jump ship early on like the ones who did. They were right. I'm not worth the risk. I really aren't.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but there is something really wrong going on deep inside, and I really do feel it every day. No matter what I do I'm gonna end up hurting someone I really care about, either by pushing them away or pulling them in close, and I'm not sure which possibility scares me more. I should've stayed alone when I had the chance. It's not fair of me to drag others down with me - to drag really good people who don't deserve it down with me. Just because being alone was starting to hurt me. How selfish, isn't it? It was downright stupid to think I could do things right this time. I don't think I really believed it, I just wanted an excuse.

I really do hate myself a lot. I hate this is how I am, and how I feel, and how I think. I just wanna curl up and cry and forget there is a world outside of me at all. What I've really needed for a while is a shoulder to cry on. But when I try to open up to someone it feels like they jump straight to offering advice or trying to cheer me up or just get uncomfortable and change the topic, and, if they don't, I feel pressured to wrap it up quickly so as to not burden them too much. So how am I expected to open up when it feels like I'm not welcome to do so in my own terms? I'm so sick and tired of bottling shit up. I just want to let things suck sometimes. Because they suck and it's exhausting to pretend it doesn't affect me.

Sigh. I really do just need to break down in someone's arms. But really I just wanna lay down and die. Fml.

#vent #personal #negative #delete later #passively suicidal thoughts cw i guess

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kmze · 2 months

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Thoughts on 4x01 - 4x12 again I wrote a novel. This is probably my least favorite rewatch half since S1 and it's because the stuff I liked I really liked and the stuff I didn't like I really didn't like. It kind of ebbed and flowed for me, I didn't like the first two episodes (they felt weird I don't know how to describe it) but then I liked Connor and the hunters mythology. I liked the Klefan team-up and the hybrid sire bond breaking with Tyler (I liked his plot the most of anyone) and obviously I liked that the show remembered Steroline existed and all the friendship and sober sponsor goodness. But I didn't like when the hunters mark turned to the cure and Silas because I honestly lost the plot on the convolution of that. I loathe LOATHE the sire bond stuff and DE in general and while 4x09 was a highlight the next three brought it back to not enjoying myself as much (I blame the lack of Caroline).

4x01

“I made a choice that I will regret for the rest of my life” see even Stefan knows that was a stupid ass decision!

Not to defend Matt but can the Salvatore brothers leave him alone like damn it’s not his fault. Especially Stefan like projecting much? Damon wanting to kill Matt so badly is tiring like what is even the point?

God the DRAMA over Elena deciding to transition or not became downright annoying.

Bonnie you need to listen to Grams and stop saving these damn people!

RIP the Council you were useful for one day and then you got blown up.

4x02

I don’t really see how the animal diet wouldn’t cause more duress since you have to kill an animal, as opposed to just drinking from a blood bag? IDK Stefan you need to maybe reassess your vampire training manual because this doesn’t seem to be a diet anyone chooses unless they have drinking problem. Plus the dramatics over Elena feeding and possibly killing someone come on man, there’s like six people watching her I think you can all manage if you do it in shifts.

Damn I forgot how hot Conner is *bites fist* and I love that he shots first questions later! Someone who gets shit done and actually shook the table around here!

Tyler is the only one around here actually willing to put himself in danger to cause the least amount of casualties. A motherfucking G!

I’m sorry but Elena told April to remember it was a beautiful service but like it wasn’t! Tyler got shot! I would have included that information.

Why did Damon start kinda breaking the fourth wall suddenly?

Between Stefan starting it off by listing people Damon killed and Elena mourning HERSELF this is the most in sync’ Stelena has been since S2 LMFAO!

4x03

These past few episodes have been so overly emotional and dramatic it’s a bit much for me. I think it’s because the show is making us “feel” Elena’s transition like we’re doing it along with her, but please show I don’t ever want to be forced to relate to Elena.

Klaus getting so excited to try and breakup a high school couple is both sad and hilarious. Like he is glowing at the thought!

Man Rebekah is RUTHLESS!

The motorcycle scene is so bad!

I know I get more of a buzz from this than most but the Steroline scene is really just a nice scene. There is so much self righteousness and postering going around in these episodes and finally someone is like “I need help will you help me” “of course” and it is so nice! Stefan gives her these heart eyes when she says she's good at it because of him that just make me melt. I don't even think it's about the boost to his ego, I think he just really needed to hear that he did something right. This is also such a huge moment in relation to Stefan because it's the first time he ASKED for help with his blood addiction. With Lexi, Damon even Elena they told him they'd help him and they all did a bit but Caroline was the first person he sought out help from. And he trusted her when she said he could come to her whenever he wanted and she wouldn't let him lose control. Because Caroline is a genius at self-control. I always liked how we got the line "you don't have to pretend with me" from Stefan to Caroline in 2x13 and now you see how Stefan starts to learn he doesn't have to pretend with Caroline either.

4x04

Even the voiceover recap is dramatic!!

Stefan’s “we’re not in a fight this is our resting phase get over yourself” comment was hilarious.

How does Caroline not know how hard it is Elena hmm not like she woke up all alone having no idea what was happening to her since NO ONE told her about the supernatural world before that! The only possible information she had was visions of Damon abusing her, raping her and feeding on her! Not like she didn't have to work her ass off to prove to EVERYONE she could do it (only Stefan had some faith in). Then after that she was tortured by her own father despite being "too good at it". Yep no idea how hard it is.

Klaus sitting at the bar with a glass of wine smirking at Rebekah’s failures should not be as funny as it is but I am DYING!

Klaus’ smile when Stefan figured out his motive, what a sap! At least he's using new methods to get his (boy)friend back now. Instead of ruining his life he's like "wanna manipulate people and be shady" the best way to Stefan's heart.

While I do enjoy the Bonnie/Shane storyline (mostly) I am immensely tired at how often Bonnie loses her powers. This never seemed to happened to the witches on TO... and of course we all know why (racism).

Everything about Damon in this episode disgusts me. When he basically described S1!Caroline as the perfect "feeding victim" I wanted to reach through the screen and stake him. Can't even enjoy Bamon crumbs during this time period.

Stefan manipulated Rebekah into giving up all the information after one conversation… I just cannot. If Rebekah wasn’t mostly indestructible there’s no way she’d have lived this long, she will give all her secrets away to the first person who shows her a modicum of warmth.

4x05

Elena is so out of the loop and I love it (because I am a HATER)

I'm glad Bonnie got to just vibe with Shane instead of being forced to help this hostage situation, good for her.

The Hunter plot is good, I do like how they have their own symbols and the tattoo only other hunters can see. It gets a bit too complicated when Silas and the cure get introduced but it was good while it was just about the hunters.

Matt and Jeremey getting April a vervain bracelet THANK YOU!

Farewell Connor you should have been Too-Hot-to-Die!

The cracks in Forwood are starting :( because Tyler is right, Chris was his friend and more importantly Tyler wants to keep everyone safe and values everyone's life not just those he believes are important. But Caroline doesn't believe that, she'll try to save everyone and she'll at least feel bad but she will always save her friends first. There's also the fact that she's already started picking Stefan's side over Tyler's which will come to a head soon...

4x06

Caroline’s grin at tricking Klaus LMFAO

They would make Elena be haunted by her first kill after telling me how SHE JUST CARES TOO MUCH and her compassion is her greatest weakness the last five episodes. I hate it here.

Jeremy being so eager to stake Damon LMFAO!! I mean can you blame him? You know how many problems would have been fixed if they killed his ass.

They make it the Stelena break-up all about Elena's feelings for Damon which... is not the full problem here. If anything the problem is Elena's feelings for Damon mean her and Stefan aren't in sync like they were in S2. Because when SE works it's when Stefan can be the ideal boyfriend who respects Elena's choices and always protects her (at the expense of others if needed) and Elena can uplift that. She'll even remind people of it, like Elijah in 2x19 or when she would remind Damon, like when she invited Stefan into the boarding house first and embarrassed Damon on the condition he follow her rules (and Stefan smiles smugly). I mentioned it in my 2x12-22 recap thoughts how Elena wants to have a relationship with both brothers, but it only works if Elena isn't in love with Damon. Because then the roles don't work anymore, and Stefan has more self respect than Damon and quite frankly has zero interest being a side piece. Because we KNOW Damon will be in love with Elena no matter what like he was in love with Katherine for 145 years (until he transferred that over to Elena) but Stefan can move on (and does fight me).

4x07

When Caroline is talking to Stefan about her disgust at Delena and goes “and you’re you” the way Candice says it and her body language is PERFECTION! You see that small part that feels a tingle for Stefan pop out for a second after she buried it when they became friends in S2 (it stays there until S5 IMO).

Klaus is such a dick lol, he knows exactly what’s going on (that Elena is sired to Damon) and he just gives Caroline another riddle.

Everything with Damon and Elena this episode (most episodes lbr) makes me ill so I'm just going to ignore it :)

The Klaus and Caroline scenes at Miss Mystic Falls are kinda cute, I liked when he was teasing her with the application lol. The hummingbird analogy was kind of like "what TF is he talking about" though. Also why didn't we get Caroline saying if she'd take the cure or not, feels like they purposely wanted to keep that lingering.

I do like how much shadiness is going on this season, like not really knowing Hayley's motives and now we know she's working with Shane. Stefan and Klaus' team-up and how that brought a lot of hostility to the trio and also makes Caroline a more primetime player.

Another precious moment! When Caroline is going on her pro-Stelena rant and she’s like “her and Damon” *shakes in disgust like her whole body icks over the idea* (samsies). Then Stefan does this d’aw look and shy smile trying not to laugh because Caroline is Caroline and just BEING HER makes him forget how crappy his life is.

Now one of my favorite eras begins aka "Stefan and Caroline figure everything out by the fireplace (and fall in love)" era.

4x08

Stefan is being more sanctimonious than usual and if it were any other character than Damon I’d be like "let's not throw stones from glass houses..." But since he’s Damon and he still doesn’t do the right thing after all this, I'll allow it.

The show tried to push the side bond as feelings but like that’s not why the sire bond is bad. It’s the lack of consent because you are forced to act based on what you’re told by one person and it prohibits free will. THAT'S THE PROBLEM! No one thinks Elena didn't have feelings for Damon before she turned we fucking know this.

The scene with Caroline, Elena and Bonnie drinking and partying in the Salvatore living room is very cute and funny and I love it and it sucks that every other interaction between them this episodes fills me with hate. The part where Caroline says "It's not your fault, Elena. Damon took advantage of you!" you really hear the fear in her voice.

Elena is a bit too intrigued watching the hybrids bow to Tyler...

I thought Stefan was going to say "because he's my brother" when Caroline asked how he could trust Damon and how utterly annoyed it was going to make me, his excuse was a least a little better than that. He was wrong of course, because Stefan never learns when it comes to Damon.

4x09

The first scene of this episode is… why? They just established the lack of consent with the sire bond and Damon and Elena are laying on top of a bed together.

Caroline looks ETHERAL (and yes the very petty part of me loves that she gets to look stunning while Elena looks dull and miserable even her hair doesn't pop like it used to *evil grin*)

The way Tyler says "you told HIM" AJSHBCFJSFHJ god I love this scene, and the way Stefan moves in front of Caroline to protect her from HER BOYFRIEND, god I love it. I love when two characters just straight-up do not like each other based on personalities and not plot contrivance. Because Tyler and Stefan have never gotten along and they would never speak to each other if they could help it but they have to, because they both care about Caroline. That's how you do a triangle. Love how Tyler threw in Stefan's face that he already got one of the hybrids killed so he doesn't owe him anything. Sterowood you deserved more.

The Klefaroline stuff is also so great, the little art critic remarks and Klaus saying "you've been dodgy and Caroline's been lovely which I've come to recognize as a tool of distraction" (took him long enough lol). I do really enjoy the Klefan conversation about loneliness (which was what Caroline said about the snowflake) and memorializing their dead. Then the remorse that Stefan and Caroline feel at leading Klaus to slaughter and then cutting to... Klaus brutally murdering 12 hybrids to a Christmas carol. This show!

Watching Tyler find all the dead hybrids... damn I just feel so awful for Tyler. He was just trying to help them and never really wanted to be the alpha and now he has to feel immense guilt over them trusting him.

4x10

I’m sorry Becks but getting mad at Stefan for his dirty tricks girl... maybe stop letting yourself get manipulated ALL THE TIME!

I do appreciate Damon shooting Klaus for Carol.

Man Shane can resist compulsion too why are these idiots still not learning that! Morons all of them.

The prospect of Rebekah ramming the cure down Klaus throat does give me a perverse amount of joy! Really would have loved to see him deal with that predicament MWAHAHAHAAAA!

Stefan is such a drama queen this episode. Look the sire bond is gross and the way Damon is using it to his advantage is gross but like... Stefan is mad at Elena having feelings for Damon because of the sire bond but HE KNEW SHE DID BEFORE HE LET HER DROWN! And again maybe you shouldn't have been so comfortable with your brother being in love with your girlfriend Stefan because it "proved their was a part of him that was human" or whatever bullshit he used to say.

4x11

I do love how sassy Stefan got once he detached from Elena, he’s so much more fun this way!

Even Matt is questioning Elena’s choices about Damon oh how the mighty have fallen!

Sorry not sorry but I’m ready for the Original family to leave for their spin-off. I don’t care enough to even understand their issues now it’s so zzzzzzz, Klaus is the only one who mildly entertains me and that’s only when he’s around Stefan, Caroline or Tyler.

I know he's just trying to aggravate Damon but Klaus saying "Stefan would never dream of hurting Elena" um sir we all know that is not true. You were on the phone with him when he threatened to turn her into a vampire and drive her off a bridge! So much so that you actually stood down!

For someone who wants to be human so bad Rebekah is obsessed with Ripper Stefan and I don't get it! Do you know what Ripper Stefan does to humans? He eats them! And not in the sexy way! I'm also forever over these vampires say they want to be human so badly when they clearly love their vampire powers.

Elena like “wanna commit genocide real quick” girl...

4x12

CTFU at Stefan looking so guilty when Klaus opens the door like he’s been caught cheating!

Two episodes in a row with no Caroline WTF I don’t deserve this!

I know Bonnie’s Dad literally appeared out of nowhere but he’s not wrong in basically everything he’s been saying. She can’t really protect the town like she says when she’s working in vampires' interest. And thank god someone put vervain in the water supply!

It’s kind of sad to watch Bonnie’s parents finally give a shit about her and started telling her to stop putting herself in danger for Elena. Because they are completely right with everything they’re saying and Bonnie just won’t listen now.

The Stebekah 80s “date” does a good job of showing the duality of Stefan. I think he’s being completely genuine in having fun with Rebekah and that it reminded him of his time with Lexi who always made him happy. But he’s also doing this to distract her while Elena and Jeremy try to kill her brother. And I like that he doesn’t have Matt dagger her because she was honest with him and he didn’t want to betray her after she did. But then he manipulates her into being back on his side to get the cure and to not be mad Jeremy and Elena killed Kol. Oh when he’s good he's good.

There’s so many mentions of burning Elena’s house down lol. They couldn’t wait to torch this sucker.

The Klonnie scene where Klaus is like "witch" and she gives him a death glare... they could have been a fire hateship man!

Bonnie’s face was like oooooo watching the triangle drama lol (samsies).

Lines that made me laugh:

Klaus: For future reference, one voicemail is just as effective as nine (this was an ongoing theme with Klefan and it was hilarious)

Stefan: *snaps Damon’s neck* You’re welcome (LMFAO all in the delivery sassy Stefan never leave me!)

#tvd rewatch #tvd spoilers #S4 rewatch #4x01 - 4x12 #anti-delena for ts #anti-stelena for ts #steroline for ts #forwood for ts #stebekah for ts #I think I got it all #who knows will find out if someone yells at me in my inbox I guess #oh right!#klaroline for ts #k rewatches tvd

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bookhighlightss · 3 months

Text

BOOK REVIEW ON DREAMLAND BILLIONAIRE TRILOGY

I. The fine print

1. Okay I love how he created a whole ass person who did her drawings for her lmfao.

2. HE WATCHED ALL SEVENTEEN VERSIONS OF PRIDE AND PREJUDICE BECAUSE SHE LOVES PRIDE AND PREJUDICE. and the way he sometimes related his situation to mr. Darcy, yea adorable.

3. I love Zahra's brains and overall the way she helped in making Rowan realise how he messed up with the employees salary and shit. Independent girly. Love it.

4. I love how she wears and collects batches and the backstory behind it was adorable.

5. Rowan's relationship with her sister was so cute. I was here for it.

6. I don't rmr much of the book but yea they were cute and I like how iris stood up for herself when he treated her like shit and didn't give in easily. ( I don't remember much of the book I read it a month ago)

II. Terms and conditions

1. OMG WHEN I TELL YOU IM OBSESSED WITH THESE TWO I MEAN IM OBSESSED. i love them the most out of this series.

2. They are probably the only couple in this series that actually communicated properly about their feelings and considered each other's feelings too.

3. The way Declan genuinely tried to change and become a better person was wow. Also the fact that he liked her way before the marriage contract.

4. Super obsessed with them and they live rent free in my head alongside Alex and ava.

III. The final offer

1. When I tell you I have so many complaints on this book I mean I GOT COMPLAINS.

2. Okay first of all I get that they were childhood lovers or whatever and then he threw that away and got an alcohol addiction but that never gave the people in their stupid ass town to bring him down that much. Because first of all it wasn't like he vandalised or abused shit when he was drunk so the whole town putting their nose in and being all judgey was unnecessary because they saw how broke alana was after the breakup. Like did u see Callahan being all cheery? No. But okay sure go ahead and judge bcs what else do u have to do in a small stinky ass town.

3. Okay when I say alana had no character development, I mean zero. Nada. Bcs she didn't once ask him why he drank so much and as much as I'm against drinking, people don't drink that much unless they got baggage. She was legit waiting all throughout the book for a chance for him to hurt her and when he did she didn't hear shit she was ready to be like ha I proved myself right, u r an asshole.

4. The sole reason this worked out was because Callahan was down bad for her because she never communicated properly. Homegirl was so stuck on the fact that he left. He drank. He broke my heart. And didn't put herself in his shoes once. Callahan had a lot of baggage and idk I just wanted him to have a conversation with her about all his shit but I never got that so that ticked me off.

5. Okay I love Callahan and his whole personality. I mean mans went to therapy just to fix himself for her. But alana is a big no for me. Idk maybe if she had a character development in another universe I would be here for it.

Overall the books were fun to read. Super fast paced. Will help u get out of your readers slump.

If I had to rate the book from most favourite to least favourite:

1. Terms and conditions ( the best book out of the trilogy).

2. The fine print

3. The final offer ( I'm mega disappointed in this book but I LOVE CALLAHAN the most out of the three brothers )

Most favourite to least favourite kane men:

1. Callahan kane ( hands down the best )

2. Declan kane ( he was amazing )

3. Rowan kane ( he was lowkey toxic)

Most favourite to least favourite kane women:

1. Iris kane ( love love her )

2. Zahra kane

3. Alana kane ( yk why )

#books #highlighted #book review #booklr #book blog #book recommendations #lauren asher #dreamland billionaires #rowan kane #zahra and rowan #callahan kane #alana and cal #declan kane #declan and iris

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coexistentialism · 4 months

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Thank you for sharing! (From the anon who asked about what led you to get assessed for DID.)

I've been thinking for a while now about signs many therapists (and other people of course) often overlook for DID because of expecting some United States of Tara style dramatic switching with super obvious alters and all that. And also a lot of us having amnesia for our amnesia.

Like I remember sharing with a previous therapist that I felt like I didn't even know how to be myself because "I'll feel like I am being myself, but then I look back and I'm like, why did I say that, that's not what I actually think" and "I don't even know what being myself would look like, because every time I think I understand something about myself, it seems to change"... but if she ever considered the possibility of me having a CDD, she never told me so.

But I'm also someone whose DID presents in some less common ways, and I feel like if things hadn't lined up for me exactly how they did that led to me getting diagnosed, I might still not know to this day. And that's troubling to me, because for me/us personally, understanding our condition and thus becoming able to work together has allowed us to do so much healing.

So I've been thinking about things like chronic identity confusion (beyond what's typical for a person's age/developmental stage), frequent headaches or migraines, and chronic dissociation that maybe therapists should take as like... things that should put the possibility on their radar. (Obviously those can also be caused by other things, but that's why I say possibility.) Because I feel like so many therapists just never even consider the possibility of a client having a CDD, which can then lead to us not getting the right support.

I had a whole thing typed out but Tumblr fuckin' ate it lmfao

The gist for me is: yeah, I definitely don't know if I would have ever gotten diagnosed.

The first psych I saw for a diagnosis, and this was One (1) appointment for like 20 minutes barely. She said "split personality is what it really is" ....... She told me about her therapist friend with DID ???

I decided to go back and read my old messages about that appointment since I don't remember a whole lot (lol I wonder why 🤪) and God. It's always so much worse than I remember.

Apparently I waited far longer than I thought. The timestamps of these messages. Waiting for well over 30 minutes. God.

(Red part is a specific alter's name)

Bro I don't remember half of the things I described here lmfao

But uh. The next therapist I tried to see was someone who worked for, or worked with or was associated with? The ISST-D. Generally a trustworthy organization that is well-educated, right?

This guy invalidated me a lot and during my time with him as a therapist, it was just. All sorts of bad.

I don't really remember a whole lot, just that he worked with IFS, and he is now the reason why I want nothing to do with IFS stuff. This is why, when people try to recommend helpful IFS stuff, I have to politely decline, because I just. Want nothing to do with it, not after this therapist.

He tried to do some shitty IFS grounding thing that didn't help or work and just actively made me uncomfortable (because he called me the name Ethan and I didn't like that at the time, and well gee I wonder why I didn't like being called Ethan).

He tried to say that it seemed more like I had DPDR and not DID, which I then said "I don't know, because I just don't really experience the common dissociative episodes like 'feeling like you aren't real/the world around you isn't real/etc.' not really." which is so funny. Going to a therapist for a diagnosis of a CDD and saying "idk I don't really experience the dissociative symptoms really" which can either be even more of a sign of dissociation or just means the person really just doesn't dissociate much, but for me it was just the dissociation making me think I don't get that. Even still, I don't, but I know I do dissociate in plenty of other ways, just. Not the common DPDR episodic descriptions.

There was a time where I was staring off into space, dissociating, and he asked me "what's the last thing you remember?" which told me that I'm pretty sure he was expecting the Hollywood-esque kind of DID switching and alters, which pissed me off so much. And not just that, but if you have a patient who is coming to you to figure out if they have DID, asking them such a question like that would be incredibly stressful??? At least for me, if somebody asked me that, I would be put off guard so badly. And I was! I was shocked he said that and just like wtf. And obviously I told him yeah I know what you've told me and what we're talking about rn because that's not how (my) amnesia fucking works.

I then went to check that guy's website and he ???? There was a lot of stuff of referring to mental health as madness??

He was also a trans guy, so he said that he was going to be out for a while because he was getting top surgery. And he said he was going to have a different therapist fill in for him? Which like. I wouldn't have been necessarily opposed to, but there are so many issues with that?? Like first off, I had never met the person he said was going to fill in for me. They don't know me, my history, and certainly SHOULDN'T know those things, if we're assuming that he didn't tell them anything. If you're going to have a patient that sees two different therapists at different times, there has to be a better way of going about that, not just telling me "okay, so this other therapist will fill in for the time being while I'm out." No warning, nothing. It was sprung on randomly and suddenly, and I didn't end up meeting that person because that was when I just stopped seeing him and didn't care anymore because he had invalidated me so much and caused me an increase in dissociative symptoms and whatnot that I just had enough.

I think many, many, many people with a DID presentation that is more like mine (or yours, I assume) go undiagnosed for years. I think that millions of people in the past have gone undiagnosed and never knew their alters, their system, their DID/OSDD. DID was only ever seen as "multiple personalities" a small number of distinct 'people' in one body/brain, and that means that people like me would have NEVER gotten even the smallest chance at getting diagnosed. Even when DID was starting to get more understood as more covert. Even STILL, we are missed and undiagnosed and never realized and recognized as having DID. EVEN PEOPLE WHO DO have more "overt" switches STILL go undiagnosed and misdiagnosed.

#inbox #my posts

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