#he had no choice….when she doesn't really do anything bad to him back........idk. i mean we're aware he's pretty shitty but also? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

alexxncl · 19 days

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‼️NIGHTBRINGER LESSON 31 SPOILERS‼️

masterlist | lessons | lesson 30 | lesson 32

normal and hard

now idk about the rest of y'all, but it took me a minute to make this choice. i was stuck between not knowing and thinking that he won't. there's a slight chance that he'd tell them in the instance kayden hadn't tried to talk to him and explain, but they did

levi cares too much about mc to let anything bad happen to them. he knows that if he tells one of his brothers, they'll tell lucifer. once lucifer finds out, he'll be furious, and not only that, he'll be terrified

lucifer masks his fear with anger, like we've seen him do in season one of nb and multiple times in the og game. this also makes me really like the peacock theme throught his demon form; they're big ass, scary ass birds who try to show up other birds by flaunting their feathers to make themselves look better. but instead of lucifer doing it for mating tactics, he does it to protect himself and his brothers from any harm that could come their way

leviathan knows this. he doesn't want mc to get hurt, even with the possibility of him never seeing them again looming over his head constantly. he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he caused anything bad to happen to them, especially if it turns out that he had the wrong idea about their conversation with solomon and that all his anxiety was for nothing

also the clock ticking in the background during this scene ??? impeccable tension building on the game devs' part. we're running out of time to make pacts with everyone, and solomon and mc both know it

goofy ass sticker chain 😭

mc 🤝🏽 me

blowing up people's phones when they ignore me or don't answer within 5 seconds

see i was also thinking lotan

but what if it just means they're all gonna have a crying fest once kayden has to leave for good??

...it's probably lotan

what if it's both? AND lotan? and a long awaited reappearance of henry the snake 🫶🏽

baby no :((

i wish he realized his worth more, but removing yourself from a cycle of self-deprication and self-loathing is easier said than done

i think he's feeling guilt on top of his already expressed betrayal and self-loathing. he doesn't think he deserves all the care and patience mc is trying to give him, and he hates the fact that they keep trying to talk to him when he won't budge. he thinks they're wasting time by even trying to be around him because it "doesn't matter" when he's not around, or, at least it shouldn't in his mind

this is even worse than what i thought initially MY HEART

and it hurts even more bc levi might not have been able to say this if he was face to face with mc. he's never said anything quite like this to them in all the screentime he's had when he's being vulnerable around mc

imagine if he hadn't heard the conversation between them and solomon? mc leaving him would've hurt so much more bc he wouldn't have had any proper reassurance from mc to tell him that they love and care for him as much as he loves and cares for them, if he even thinks they feel that strongly about him at all

i guess it was lotan. well

also ending a lesson like that is insane but i digress

me 🤝🏽 mammon

adhd twins

THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS BACK i can die happily now

but why is she talking like chloe from miraculous ladybug (iykyk)

also we STILL haven't made a pact with beel after that hassle of an angel trial i'm sick

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thesupernaturalhouse · 28 days

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The mroe I think about it the mroe I realize I don't know what exactly I was to do with Adam and the exorcists in the hazbins fallen au

On the one hand, I want to keep it close to canon, on the other hand, I want to show that really nobody is at fault, and it's just a bunch of miscommunication and mistakes

Like, I highly doubt the exorcists had a choice to be exorcists, and it's not like they can just- retire

I just really want to expand on heaven and how it works and is flawed

Cause like I don't think heaven is doing anything out of maliciousness, like, Sera obviously doesn't like doing the exterminations but allows them out of futy and fear of having hell residents destroying heaven and tormenting their victims who amd eit to heaven further

Like, if I was told rapists and murderers were coming to my house, I'd grab a gun to!

The exorcists likely had no choice but to kill, and overtime just, grew into it

Adam.....well, an asshole obviously, but even then, he wouldn't be a real problem if he wasn't put in the position of being the exorcist leader and able to take out his aggression in the dude who stole both his wives. He'd still be a dick but not a threat

Honestly, idk if I want to have him die in the fallen, I feel like there's a lot more that could be done with him. The finale battle is obviously gonna be included I mean- it has to be, but maybe Adam lives in this au

Or, at the very least, comes back as a sinner/fallen angle. That's gonna be difficult to write, though, if I do go with that

Like, I think the biggest reveal in the au is gonna be that heavens rules ARE rigged....but not on purpose, the rules were made when the archangels ruled and it was just left uo to one seraphim to deal with everything

They were written when humanity was starting out, written when they thought humans woukd stay the same- but they don't, they change, they ahve reasons for doing bad things

But the rules are just that, rules. They can't look at someone's past and see that they stole to provide for their family. They just see stole and send them to hell.

The system is rigged, but it's not anybody's fault. It's just a bunch of miscalculations and mistakes

And even though it's not anybodies fault, the actions that have been taken have affected innocent people, intentionally or not, and they need to fix it

So I mean, I'm not sure how ambitious that is of me, but it is what I want to at least TRY to do

I wanna add another more detailed layer rather than just have 'heavens actually bad and hell is actually good'

I mean, maybe the archangels oversaw people's sins and backstorues and stuff and decided where they went, but then they left for some weird reason. Hey, maybe I make them the real villains, and they dip cause the human project wasn't going how they wanted, so I left it to Sera/the rest of heaven and just dipped to go do smth else

Like, nobodies at fault for what your ancestors chose to do. And even then, I mean their angels. They can't really realize their actions caused so much chaos so even then it circles back to no one's really wrong people just fucked uo and made bad mistakes/choices

Cause like, Sera being portrayed as the bad guy rubs me the wrong way nd Emily saying "killing innocent souls" in cnaon also runs me the wrong way. Like, Emily, I love you....but I can guarantee that MOST sinners are not innocent. You might get some who were falsely condemned or have minor crimes and can change, but you also have people like Valentino for fucks sake

Side note I think what she shouldve said was "you are killing, possibly innocent souls" or something similar

I guess the main theme? I wanna go for in my fic/au is 'change' and that people can be wrong without being in the wrong, or being the bad guy

So that is a LONG rant, I honestly didn't mean for it to be this long- it was jsut meant to be like "idk what to do with the murder angles please help me" and turned into a rant.....

Anyways, I'll save the main theme talk for another day

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel au #hazbin hotel lute #hazbin hotel emily #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel sera #hazbin hotel angles #hazbin hotel exorcists #hazbin hotel heaven #hazbins fallen au #rant #headcanons #hazbin hotel rewrite #kinda #i mean. rewrite and aus basically go hand in hand #at least with me they do lol

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pttucker · 4 months

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"There is no such thing as the perfect regression, just like how there can be no Story without sacrifices. If I regress again this time…" More than likely, he'd lose someone again. The world would sink into yet another tragedy. The world about to be created in order to save Kim Dokja could be destroyed without managing to save anyone, instead. Han Sooyoung replied. "I know that. Also…" She shifted her gaze over to the Complex's entrance and continued on. Since when was it? Several lengthy shadows were drawing closer to them under the cold wintery light. "Those people also know it, too."

Hmmm

This chapter is kinda strange to me, though not in a bad way. Just...not what I'm used to.

I think, in a very meta way, the characters know they're in the "epilogue" and it's a big choice now as to whether they really want to go back to the beginning of the novel or not.

All through the entirety of ORV, whenever Dokja was in danger they rushed to protect him. Dokja was their everything and they would do anything in their power to save him (often from himself). But now they're just kind of standing around discussing which Dokja is "their" Dokja and it's like...it doesn't matter??? If that Dokja in the hospital is "your" Dokja then it's even more important for you to save him!

Like, I think it'd be a very interesting discussion (and plot point) if 49% was up and walking around and each companion had to decide for themself if they wanted to stay with him or if they wanted to go looking for 51%. But he's not up and walking around???? He's literally dying. You have to do something.

Or you have to quietly let him die and continue on without him.

idk they just seem weirdly resistant to me, but not in an out of character sort of way, but rather in a "I'm so very, very tired" sort of way. I think that it's because they are in the epilogue and now that it's finally over, they actually have to make the hard decision of "do I love Kim Dokja enough to do everything again and risk losing the happy ending I have now?" The happy ending Dokja himself wanted? (Granted, Dokja had no idea that his avatar was gonna start fading away...I think...)

I mean, the last line seems to imply that they did decide that they do love him that much but I think the fact that they even hesitated says a lot about how much this story has taken out of them.

#orv #orv novel chapter 526 #omniscient reader's viewpoint #orv liveblog #orv spoilers #orv epilogue spoilers #kdj #kdj crew #(okay I have completely cleared out my queue and it still says it has 16 posts in there 😑 but I'm gonna try to use it anyway)#(I have moved everything into drafts and am trying to put them back into the queue)#(but they're all out of order due to stuff getting stuck in the queue and not wanting to move at first UGHHHHHHH)#(I AM NEVER USING PAUSE QUEUE AGAIN IT RUINED EVERYTHING!)

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agoddamn · 1 year

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Hey lemme treat y'all like opendiary for a minute

If you had asked me two or three years ago how sexist my mom was, my answer would be: at least some, but not as bad as many others of her age. Even though she did encourage me to wear makeup and think about my apparent availability to men, I'm positive that this came from a Machiavellian perspective rather than a sexist one. Yeah, the end result is kinda the same (and it's not like I ended up with ZERO gender-related anxieties/stresses/issues) but even as a kid I always felt like it was well-meaning; she really, genuinely felt like I was on the back foot and felt that the easiest way to survive and be safe was via a man. And she didn't punish me with more than a frown for NOT wearing makeup/dating boys/etc, which I know is a thing that a lot of other women can't say.

...but when she talks about my brother.

She has this startling inability to attribute compassion to him.

And, for the record--my brother has never been famously callous or moody. He's been, you know, Culturally Male, and he was ten when I was born so obviously he had some life before me, but his family rep has never been That Icy Cunt or anything like that. He had long hair in the 90s. He played guitar and did computer. He had the blueprints of (at the time) Sensitive Male. He didn't crush frogs (that was me!) or sit alone in a corner at family gatherings losing his religion.

...but when I say things like, "I think he didn't want to put pressure on his uncle because he knows uncle is having a rough time with his wife's illness," she won't believe it. She flat-out won't believe he could have wanted to protect his uncle by avoiding putting him in a position to make a hard choice. She's convinced he's only doing it because of his girlfriend/partner's (it's been 5 years) desires to avoid a large gathering, and it couldn't possibly be because he knows my uncle has a lot of personal and financial barriers keeping him from attending any such gathering.

When he wants to go out to dinner, she demurs because she can't afford it. He offers to pay (and he's fucking well-off! He's more well-off than either of us! And it's partly because she encouraged his intellectual interests rather than trying to force him into something traditionally masculine!). She refuses because she can't admit that, as a parent, she's not able to care for her son in this manner. He offers to pay and he's 100% genuine, this is not passive-aggression "I'm gonna remind you about this debt as soon as I need something"--

(and I know this PERSONALLY because he and I had this conversation because he was very aware that I grew up in a very frugal environment and I had a lot of shame at not being able to keep up with the social dinners he liked to have [on account of he was also there!] and explicitly told me he would rather pay for my dinner to enjoy my company because he loves me rather than a) not see me or b) go to some shitty place with food he doesn't like)

--and when I tell her that he wants to take her out to lunch/dinner/coffee because he loves her and wants to see her she won't believe it.

And it's just been...kind of a slap in the face for me?

I don't know if it's more heartbreaking for her or him--him, to be apparently the kind of person his mother doesn't consider capable of unconditional love, or her, that she doesn't believe that she's raised a son capable of unconditional love, that she can't recognize that she did a pretty damn good job with her extremely limited resources.

Idk. Pardon the emotional vomit, ahem. Sammy, you have access to Storytime via DM if you see this but don't mention ANY of it to your mother.

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lyerra · 2 months

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ROOM OF SWORDS SPOILERS

just me ranting about webtoon's comment section because I want to exteriorize some stuff

The whole Roseberry situation is so so weird to me. Tbh when I started room of swords I didn't care much about the ships, I was there for the plot, but when strawbarrow was revealed to have been canon all along I was so happy for them

However a lot of people were displeased because they thought Gyrus would end up with Tori.

I think one of the comment sections that struck me the most was right as the episode ended with Tori kissing "Gyrus" (who was actually Kodya in Gyrus' body pretending to be him) and someone commented "imagine possessing your boyfriend's body only for some girl to kiss him" which was a pretty funny comment

some people responded however that if anything Kodya was Gyrus' ex because he had been in a relationship with BB!Gyrus but New Gyrus didn't know him the same way. Which WOULD have been a good argument to make if Gyrus hadn't been making puppy eyes at Kodya since S1...

tbh it's fine not to see it, I didn't see it either at first, but to say that Gyrus was CLEARLY attracted to Tori???????? when he never showed any sign of liking her as more than a friend?

I've read RoS many, many times both before and after it ended (been reading it from 2019 oh god it's been so long???) and all through S1 there are these small, small hints that Gyrus has a small crush on Kodya EVEN THOUGH he doesn't remember him. They were always meant to be together.

Tori does develop some feelings towards him, granted (we do learn that it's because he looks like her beloved but that's later, people couldn't have known back then), but that doesn't make Gyrus entitled to return them.

People shipping Roseberry shouldn't make the authors entitled to change THE ENTIRE PLOT simply because some people aren't happy with their story choices.

At that point there's been many hints that New Gyrus and Kodya are still attracted to one another and I'm just sad and confused that those people were in so much denial.

On the brighter side, the next episode really starts with Tori telling "Gyrus" that she knows he loves Kodya because she's seen him LITERALLY PINING SINCE DAY ONE. AND THAT SHES A LESBIAN.

case closed, right? Kodya and Gyrus are canon and still very much in love, and Tori herself is in love with another, yet unnamed woman.

well lo and behold: s2 finale's comment section!

we finally see Kodya and Gyrus sharing their first kiss onscreen, so someone in the comment section said something like "THEY FINALLY KISSED AAAAA OUR SHIP IS SAILING" which was also my reaction and a legit reaction to it??

and since there was A LOT of dislikes (over 1,6k I believe) the op edited to say something about homophobes and the backlash was even greater

and in the answers there was actually quite a lot of people being salty because their own ship didn't sail and

I mean idk

maybe I can't understand because my ship sailed and not theirs but what the hell

first of all homophobes exist. the authors commented that they had lost about 20% of their audience when they revealed that Gyrus and Kodya were canon, and they received a lot of hate online for it.

second of all as I said it's not about ships it's about the plot. strawbarrow was always endgame and the whole story, including the romance between Kodya and Gyrus and the important role it played on the story, been planned since over a year before RoS was published. this is not your story, if you're not happy about it go read or write some fix it fanfics (it's not so bad once you get used to it). but in terms of writing strawbarrow was so well executed, I feel like being mad just because of a ship is really disrespecting the authors' intentions.

third of all, it had been made painfully clear since A LONG TIME AGO that they wouldn't end up together. clinging onto that hope was really unnecessary. they shouldn't be mad anymore, it had been over for a while now and they should have made their peace. people complaining by the time of s2 finale were really just delusional.

fourth of all, the dislikes may not all be from homophobes but if they aren't then they're from jerks. it's not because you're unhappy that things didn't go your way that you have to hate on other people because they got what they wanted and not you. that's just being mean smh,, let people enjoy the things they like in peace

#room of swords #kodya karevic #gyrus axelei #victoria grieve #strawbarrow #roseberry

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sol-consort · 3 months

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God that vibration in a Turians voice is what made me realize that “oh Garrus IS hot” in Mass Effect 2 because I liked him in 1 but didn’t think he was hot yet. I must’ve been too focused on trying not to romance someone in 1 which I almost failed at. Also I know that people have already said this out of the blue but I do hope you’re okay, you’re a cool dude who makes dope stuff even if I don’t comment which I should and pretty much the reason I’m still somewhat active on tumblr now

I feel out of the loop because I am desperately trying to find ME2 Garrus hot but something about how dismissive and distant he is puts me off. No like I tottally get it you've been through a lot BUT I WAS DEAD.

I LITERALLY WAS DEAD FOR 2 YEARS AND ALL HE HAS TO SAY "oh Shepard it's you." FUCK YOU MAN I WAS GOING IN FOR A HUG.

I haven't done his loyalty mission yet so maybe he will warm up on me eventually. Idk no strong opinions on romance so far except for the theif girl but she already has someone so I am fucked.

I was fully planning on cheating on Kaidan here.

I imported my ME1 save and the game currently has me flagged in Kaidan's romance because his picture is in my bedroom. It's supposed to turn down when I cheat on him and he will confront me about it in ME3

But now. I can't find anyone fuckable. Even Garrus who I was down bad for because of the stars in his eyes literally became batman 2.0 and is blasting my chemical romance from the back of the ship but no one wants to confront him about it and instead hope the phase ends soon.

Jacob is. Jacob lacks rizz. Jacob makes me feel like I'm sexually harrassing him because of how uncomfortable he seems whenever I pick a romance option. I actually had to google if he was romance-able just to make sure I wasn't doing anything wrong.

Who's left huh????? Who's dick I supposed to suck in order to get my shepard a malewife??

There is Liara. Liara is always fucking there standing in the corner. Ruining my Kaidan romance and tricking me into her romance like some kind of fae.

I hope the Garrus fever infects me soon too because it looks like I will end up staying loyal to Kaidan against my will. That man probably spent the two years after Shepard's death to make sure all men in the galaxy are unfuckable and all hot women are straight, just on the off chance Shepard comes back to life and tries to get some.

I mean he isn't wrong, Shepard flirted with him while on the job and while being his captain, he knows his commander will flirt with their co-works without any shame so why even take the risk?

God I miss Ashley.

On other news, I keep meeting Turians I want to fuck. Who are not an option to fuck. It's a twisted irony of fate because I keep refusing Garrus.

Also I'm starting to regret the fact I made Anderson the council. He seems really sad, but man it felt great watching Udina get told to fuck off.

Is he happier if he doesn't become the council? What choice did you make? Does he become something else then or do we even get to meet him?

And it is funny how all of this is your fault. I wouldn't have installed Mass effect or gave it a chance wasn't it for you ask a long while back. I would've let it rot in my library for a year then finally gave it a chance.

You stole my bg3 obsession and replaced it with mass effect! How dare you! I am very thankful you introduced me to this because I never realised how fun fps can be. I even bought another fps on sale today, called hellsinger.

But it is really freaky how much such a small thing like sending an ask detoured my life so much and changed my interests. It's a whole new side I wasn't even aware of its existence.

Thank you, genuinely. But I have learned my lesson and won't fall to your tricks twice. I'm not even gonna search up that other game you recommend until after I finish mass effect. Just in case it turns out to be jaw dropping too.

But the director ME2 took in gameplay isn't my favourite. I'm too squishy and the enemies are too squishy now. I can't be a cool sniper jumping from place to place and headshoting enemies. Now I have to hide behind fucked up barriers and wait for the enemy to reload or use my invisibility then I go in for the snipe.

The weapon feels more limited too, I get that they made them more unique but I prefer having the stats menu more. I only have two snipers so far and I hate both of them but I'm forced to use one because there are so little options.

It feels more resident evil-ish? Or maybe because I'm on veteran difficulty? I tried lowering it but it doesn't fix the issue.

My problem isn't that the enemies are dying too fast my problem is that I am dying too fast. I hate the new points system and level up too, I miss the more detailed one in ME1. I also loath the hacking minigames in here.

The dialogue and animations improved a lot tho, the missions diversity too! The heist one was such a blast I felt like I was in a movie. It was so cheesy and cliche in a very endearing way oh my god.

I like my Shepard but I miss their face scar. Why did they remove that option? I had it in like a cool reminder of the blitz or something.

Also if you pick earthborn you get these two wholesome newsrports

And this one for War hero

They made me smile. But also wtf people are having WEDDINGS on MY memorial??? GET OFF MY STATUE.

I also wished that people would've had a bigger reaction to us showing up alive, yk? Not even a hug so far. Even Anderson :(

But yeah that's all for now.

And I appreciate it dude, checking up on me. You're cool too. And about the comments, I can't exactly force you to do it, I can't force anyone, it's just a choice they make everyday.

But I am curious because I never thought you were one of my readers. You don't leave likes on my writing posts, and you have only sent one or two requests so long ago. You do like my writing advice and opinions sometimes. Is that why you follow me? Because I'm funny ofc.

But nah don't tell me. I don't wanna know, it will ruin the mystery. I pay attention to the posts each person who frequents here likes, and I get a general idea of their preference. Sometimes, I can predict which posts will be liked by who and which will be ignored by others. It's a fun minigame. Humans love patterns.

But yeah. I don't want random comments on stories or fics you haven't read or finished. I want them from the people who read and liked the story. I want to hear their opinion I want to know what they thought. But if you are dinning and dashing then...again I can't force to do anything. It just makes me sad really.

I like talking, but not about myself or feelings. I am the way I am, flaws and all and I don't have to explain it. This cycle will repeat, I might give up tomorrow, I might not, I can't predict the future. One day my thread will eventually snap.

But not today, I'm still working on fics, I am still posting. I'm not giving up yet.

And I hope this inspires you in any way since you're back to writing, I hope that you don't give up too no matter how scary quiet it gets. I hope you're more resilient than me. I hope you love what you write because it is very deserving of love.

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aetheternity · 1 year

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Hello! I’ve seen your LR vent with anon; I’m a new genshin player, which means I’ve never seen the lantern rite until this update and I have enjoyed most of it except for the interactions when they were eating?

It just felt so OOC for some, namely Venti? Why was he even there?? And for the music festival? He wasn’t even there for when it happened! When he first appeared I was literally like “Tf you doing here??”

Also, the way they pretend to not know each other?? Maybe I missed something but why did they do that? I though it was funny but actually why did they need to do that?

Also, I found Hu Tao really annoying… I’m sorry for saying that but it felt like my middle school bully trying to be nice to me after she was reprimanded by teachers?? Maybe it’s just me.

I felt bad for Xiao to just be there without knowing what to do… pretending like he doesn’t know Zhongli? I though people knew that they know each other? Could be I’m wrong…

The singing with Xingyan and Hu Tao… oh archons… why?? It was a nice thing to include but it was just so bad?? Not anything specific about it, just overall…

Also I didn’t get why Zhongli kinda ‘demanded’ Xiao to call him Zhongli? I get its his new identity or whatever but it seemed a bit cold to me? It could be I missed something or the reason why he asked but it still seemed cold to me…

Back to Venti, I do really like him! He was the first character I liked when I got into Genshin! They just did him so wrong here… it’s like Venti was there and not Barbatos if that makes any sense? It’s just fannon Venti like it was said beforehand… I was happy to see him but he has no place to be there?? It made no sense for him to appear he was just like “Yah y’all eat here? Great imma join in! Btw, who tf are you?? I know 3 people here but oh well!” I was kinda upset by that…

Also Zhongli kinda passed me off? I really like him as a character but he felt so off to me… like he slept on the wrong side of the bed…

This doesn’t make me like them less of course, it just makes me mad they were written that way…

Also, where was Kazuha?? He should have been there! And Beidou and so many other people! It’s like they took the chargers in the LR and were like “Yeah just put them there” “But how boss?” “I don’t fucking know! You want to sit here and come up with ideas all day? Just do something!”

As a new Genshin player, I did like the vibe of the LR and the banter between characters but it was kinda akward…

Also, in the trailer for it when Aether joined Xiao to watch the fireworks; Cyno and Tighnari, for example, appeared but I have not seen them anywhere!

Regardless, I hope the next festival of whatever want make me feel this way…

About why Venti and Zhongli act like they don't know each other and why Xiao acts like he doesn't know Zhongli. Xiao is out as an adeptus everyone knows him by face and they know how old he is because he doesn't hide his identity. Meanwhile Zhongli and Venti want to live peacefully around humans so they keep their identities as archons private. None of the human characters at the table know about Zhongli and Venti being archons so they have to find some reason for them to talk without spilling the beans.

I feel like the only person on Earth that didn't find Hu Tao annoying at the dinner table.

Though the song with her and Xinyan was a choice for sure. I wish they'd just kinda had music play and then not had the two of them singing. Plus their stage name?? The Blaze Lilies?? Pft wow super original how long did it take to pick that corny ass name 🙄

I didn't like how Zhongli told Xiao he should be calling him Zhongli either. Like he's not comfortable with the informal name. Also love how they were having that conversation on the street for any random person to overhear. Great job protecting your old identity Zhongli.

I'd be nice if badly characterized Venti is just a clone or something that came to take the real Venti's place while he slept to avoid suspicion from the Traveler. But idk Venti felt like Venti in the trailer sooo.

If you haven't seen Cyno and Tighnari around it means you probably haven't played through the Sumeru archon quest.

#cal answers #anon ask

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catsconflictscopicsandchamomile · 10 months

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hey um this is a real fucking vent of a post maybe dont read if ur triggered easily by family/abuse stuff. I just had to get it out im sry. its not too coherent

I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him. my dad. one second we're having a normal conversation about art. then he's screaming at me to shut the fuck up, swearing at me, telling me how behind everyone else my age I am, telling me that I DON'T deserve respect or to be treated like a human, mock-bowing to me while laughing at me and saying that I think I'm sooooo important "like some kind of fucking princess" bc I said I don't deserve to be treated like I'm not human. yelling at me over and over to "shut my fucking mouth", saying that this is why I have no friends, why I lose every friendship I care about, and that he can throw me out right now if I keep "pushing it" and he won't care and there's nothing I can do about it. that I don't have real friends and can't name them. that I'm only acting how I am because I'm "on my period and a bit wacky".

....what sparked this? I said I wash underwear in hot water after I buy it, and that it didn't matter if that was "logical" or not bc I only buy new undies once every year or two. that's what sparked this whole thing. that and me saying "How dare you.I don't deserve to be treated this way." when he blew up. ...literally just yesterday he was saying how he's so proud of me and loves me. not even 24 hours ago he was saying that he could see how hard I'm working and that he understands if I need a break because I'm doing so well. ten MINUTES AGO we were talking about art, looking at the bedsheet I'd ordered and he was complimenting my choices and saying he'd put me in charge of buying new sheets for the household soon. TEN MINUTES AGO. what HAPPENED.

...and I know he'll just go back to loving & respecting me after (insert length of time here) when he feels like it, and until then I'll be excluded from all family interactions, treated like a literal threat and monster at all times, called "my abuser" instead of "my daughter", and forced to hide. ...and then I'll be his Amazing Smart Hardworking Daughter again, unless I bring ANY of this up in which case it will go from Bad to Worst and I am now "THE abuser". this is how it goes. this is how it's gone for a decade. why do I always forget this part when things are good. Even if I write it down or record it (THAT WAS A BAD IDEA HE GOT SO PISSED) it feels...fake??? like it just doesn't exist. I am fully aware that this is gaslighting.

I am fully aware that he does this and simultaneously presents himself to the community as an example of RECOVERY from abuse and has CONSIDERED BECOMING A THERAPIST. I don't have shit on him bc I have nowhere else to go, and I'm not in physical danger. staying here until I can get into college and/or get a job IS my best bet, bc while this is traumatic and unpredictable he's fully all bark, no bite. the majority-ish of the time, things are good. He does house and support me despite having just lost his job (though I'm paying for a lot of the groceries- no job here either), and he's actually been really amazing & supportive this year in general... except when he does This.

and GOD does This suck

one day I'll figure out how to stealth-record on my phone... idk why. when things are Bad Like This i want some record to release to our community once I get independent, and blow this lie out of the water. Ik it's ungrateful but like... what the fuck dude

I'm really thankful for what he's doing for me

but what the fuck dude

why

it's going to mean NOTHING in a few hours/days. he's obviously letting out some internal thing that he has no idea how to channel appropriately and nobody else he can aim it at who wont fight back (except my little brother, who has never done anything wrong ever in his life and is ALWAYS dad's "son") (and the dog, who he sometimes threatens to scare until she pees if she's barking like a lunatic at the pizza guy or someone, but he's mostly-joking/ never actually does it because she's "the best dog in the world") (...I'm treated less human then the dog)

but its just so mean

(also obviously if i even raise my voice/tone a TINY BIT at him, or say a word in a way that he percieves as mildy passive-aggresive, that's a trigger for things to go from Good to Bad unless I immediately literally grovel.

...if you want to uhhhh please send funny videos, art DIYS, animals, mythology, the worst most cursed music and/or mashups you know. I could rly use it rn. just rec me something. anything. (not fanfic tho- I'm currently writing my college application essay on fandom's role in modern folklore, so for once I Do Not Want To Hear/Read Any More About It)

#no shade on my little bro #he's 18 now and sometimes I wish he'd stand up for me but he's a great kid #wouldnt wish dad's crap on him anyway #we have nothing in common and no sibling relationship. he kind of has the personality of a saltine cracker dipped in monster energy #but he's a damn good guitarist and a good person #no shade on my puppy either #she is the best dog in the world (in the way that most owners say their dogs are)#though she is a little thief with bad breath who climbs the counter like a climbing wall to steal unattended breakfasts(affectionate)#STRAIGHT UP NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME #shit like this is why im deancoded/srs #me: yesterday was perfect. i never have good days omg??? this is definitely going to turn awful when the other shoe drops #today: the other shoe has dropped and it's only 6:30 am #tw toxic family #tw verbal abuse #rant #vent #tw family abuse #tw abuse #tw toxic parents #longpost #tw ableism #bitch WHY????#fairly literal crytyping

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misiwrites · 1 year

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4KINGDOMS RE-READ ADVENTURE part 7

it's getting................ ! not hot in here. it's actually getting a bit stale. but the quest must continue

Chapter 28: max gets bitchslapped

i realised maybe yesterday that giancarlo really just fails at his job as max's knight over and over and over again in this story and in this chapter he does it again. he let everyone know that max sneaked out and didn't do anything to cover up for him whatsoever HAHHAHAHA

so max gets back home. sick. tired. and judy comes over and bitch slaps him to oblivion

judy also says giancarlo is going to take orders from her and tarou from now on i---- i'm not sure if i've remembered this. AH WELL i mean probably yeah. maybe? um

okay this bit made me almost feel a little bad

I had never seen Mama like this. She had never spoken to me like this. She had never called me stupid and worthless like this. It didn't feel real. It couldn't be real. Was this really Mama? The same Mama who had been so understanding only one day earlier? Did I deserve this? Had I done something so bad that she would hate me for it?

aw. poor max. :) /rubbing my filthy hands together in satisfaction

Chapter 29: takao and kai have a Very Exciting Fencing Match!!!

takao is all pumped practicing for a match against kai. and then it just suddenly is the fencing match day?? this pacing man. so i write these pointless chapters about rei and max just kind of gazing in each other's eyes and holding hands but i jump entire weeks of takao&kai progression forward because i want them to fight. this may honestly be more flattering to tyka than reimax. because rei and max progress at fucking snail pace even when they are gay w each other from like day one (or. day two. day one rei was calling max a hobo)

takao being like, i could immediately tell tourists apart from locals because of them Acting Rather Foolishly! is hilarious, also real

and then kyouju tries to use the Power of Friendship on kai but he. i laughed a bit too much at this

At one point Professor, who was also present with his parents, came to talk to me by our table; and he tried greeting Kai as well, saying how he’d heard a lot about him from me. Kai only granted him a questioning glare that was enough to make Professor shake in his boots and hurriedly wobble away with an apology.

a little pathetic that this is probably the most action-packed chapter of the fic to the date. you won't get anything this exciting anymore

this is also a not very well written chapter, as in it has a whole lot of straight-up typos, i guess i got too into it while writing the match HAHAHA

kai is a little shit who uses magic to fly and dodge takao's strike, and takao is like, wow he can fly i'm so in love. and then he also wants to fly for the rest of the story

takao wins! and he's so happy to have won in front of his own proud people! yay.

then the crazy storm wind happens and takao stops it by yelling out seiryuu's name, i always thought this was a nifty little scene myself. a bit short-lived but, it works i think.

this chapter is too stretched out tho. i should have cut it at the end before the part with kai looking at the paintings and then showing takao that he can also do fire magic, but i know i didn't because it takes place on the same day still. this is a lot of information packed into just this one chapter

Chapter 30: rei's number one enemy, internalised heteronormativity

this chapter starts off by takao complaining about kai having called him an idiot as the last line of the previous chapter, okay that makes the drawn-out end worth it

max has taken a hike to visit rick and doesn't seem to be coming back. byeeee

i can see the quality of my writing slipping here and i wonder why. like it's not bad, but there's a lot of… well idk, it just doesn't sound good. it's pretty dull, lots of poor punctutation choices. i did an elimination operation to semicolons

mao comes over to fangirl over a wedding catalogue and rei is like please shoot me in the head this sucks ass

the way i've portrayed mao in this early story is kind of icky. like she's very wifey with rei. just taking care of things for him and talking about marriage and clothes and fancy parties and she brings rei food and the list goes on. i've tried patching it up later by improving her role in the story but uuuuh yes. not sure what my thought process here was making it this way. maybe it's the internalised heteronormativity

Chapter 31: kai swinging weapons with his strong muscular arms, takao reacts like any normal boy would, i.e. damn he's hot

it's good that the takao stuff starts picking up here. also thinly veiled sword euphenisms. kai likes them long and thin. takao's is a bit curved.

the first line of this is better written than the entirety of the previous chapter

takao witnesses miguel descent into becoming a coffee addict i guess

max sends a postcard with a picture of. what takao calls. hairy cows

a lot of small things going on in this chapter. takao has a lot of frustration for kai being so cool and handsome and ripped with a sword in hand okay wow that got very gay very fast. takao leads kai right to ryuushinken and also tells him what it is like the fool in love he is

there was this real long ramble about some other city at the end of this, unrelated to anything and it didn't fit the pace of this already poorly paced chapter at all. i just eliminated most of it. like a semicolon

Chapter 32: rei is squeaky clean now

what are you gonna serve me this time rei. not much. unnecessarily detailed descriptions of how the purification period ends. why did i write this

olivier stress-baking macarons is the best detail in here

i swear rei choosing that he wants to wield a spear is not another phallic euphenism ...or is it

i'm honestly not sure where i was going with this thing about a fake byakko-ou crown having the gem of byakko on it. this is one of the very few details i flat out forgot what its purpose was. feeling a bit too lazy to change it at this point since this has existed like this for so long now. it also feels weird to have a description of rei's crown in the story but nobody else's. but um. (i changed the description entirely btw. it was so dry. this chapter is a raisin)

this is one boring ass chapter. nothing happens in it. the mention of byakko's stone is honestly the only relevant fact in here, i mean apart from macarons

this chapter's comments are full of "PLEASE UPDATEEEEE PLEASE MORE TYKA" fuck offe i hope you never got your tyka. bye

#i read my own fic and die while at it #4kingdoms stuff

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julemmaes · 3 years

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Robyn

Rowaelin Month, Day Ten

A/N: I'd planned on posting them in order, but you get what you get. Idk when the other prompts will come tbf. I hope soon. Anyway, I managed to write over 6k words today and I'm pretty fucking proud.

This is just fluff over fluff, so yep enjoy!!

Word count: 3,047

Rowan was unbelievably late as he sped through the streets of Orynth.

So late that the school had called not only him, but also the front desk of the place where he worked when he hadn't answered the call on his personal phone. Sorscha, his assistant, had entered his office with an embarrassed smile on her lips, as if she didn't want to tell him that he had forgotten for the umpteenth time to pick up his daughter from school.

Lorcan had joined him, for some strange reason, but Rowan had stopped bothering when it came to his best friend. He'd been trying to figure out how he reasoned for years and had come to the conclusion that there was no logical sense in the actions of the man sitting next to him, who was currently singing at the top of his lungs to one of the songs on the Frozen CD - which much to the chagrin of both of them, had gotten stuck in his car radio months before, forcing them into hours of torture.

He would never deny that the songs were all quite catchy, but after the sixteenth time Rowan had had to listen to Let It Go at maximum volume, his positive opinion of the film had begun to waver.

As they pulled into the school parking lot, Rowan noticed with deep regret that the only cars still there were those of the teachers and school staff.

They both got out of the car, Rowan walking quickly towards the entrance while Lorcan dragged behind him.

He greeted the caretakers sitting at the entrance, who returned a big smile. A smile that grew even wider when his large, imposing friend entered a few moments later. He stopped to talk to the old ladies and Rowan walked down the corridor he knew led to Robyn's classroom.

He could hear muffled voices from inside the teachers' room on the left and the one he knew belonged to Miss Galathynius coming from the right. He looked out over the classroom, spotting the two people sitting at a desk.

As soon as his daughter saw him, her eyes widened and a huge smile flashed across her face.

No words. No "hello, daddy!" or "I missed you!" from the little girl.

Her teacher turned as she leapt out of her chair and ran towards him, hugging his legs and looking up at him. Rowan smiled at her in turn, running a hand over her hair that was shot in every direction.

"Hello, little bird," he murmured to her. The child's smile widened even more if that was possible.

The woman a few feet away from them pulled herself upright, crossing her arms over her chest and offering a sincere smile to the child, who hid behind his thighs.

Rowan was about to tell her that Robyn was shy with everyone like this, ready to defend his daughter's behaviour as he was used to doing in front of every adult, but he was beaten to the punch.

"It's good to see you, Mr Whitethorn," she said, extending a hand. Rowan shook it without hesitation. "Actually, I just wanted to write you a letter regarding Robyn," she continued, never taking her eyes off the little girl. "Nothing serious," she hastened to reassure him when Rowan grimaced, "quite the contrary. Robyn is remarkably good. One of the best in the class, though I shouldn't offer that information so bluntly."

Miss Galathynius winked at him, but he couldn't process what he'd just been told.

"Sorry, could you-"

The little hands clamped around his trousers tightened a fraction more and Rowan looked down, trying to figure out what was bothering his daughter, but then something happened that he hadn't even dared to dream about in recent times.

"You're here!"

The little girl broke off and ran away from him in less than the blink of an eye.

Rowan turned just in time to see Lorcan grab Robyn in mid-air, spinning her around as he brought her to his chest and showered her with kisses. The loud, incessant laughter that erupted from her seemed too much coming from that fragile little body, but he never tired of hearing it.

"Why hello baby!" said Lorcan laughing in turn, starting to tickle her until she begun to rebel and he was forced to let her slide to the floor. Robyn was still laughing at the top of her lungs and nearly fell to the ground as she squealed left and right, letting herself be pushed around by the closest thing to an uncle she had ever had.

When Rowan turned back to the woman, she was wide-eyed and her lips slightly parted as she watched the massive man dressed completely in black and the menacing face turn into a completely different person the second he had seen Robyn.

He chuckled, "I know, it's not every day you get to see a little girl be so comfortable with a brute like that."

Lorcan, who was listening to everything, looked him straight in the eye and without stopping smiling and playing with the little girl, mouthed to him to fuck off.

"Well, yeah. You caught me a little off guard." she confessed, still shocked to hear how Robyn was having a full conversation with Lorcan. They couldn't hear anything of what she was actually saying, but even just the fact she was talking to someone seemed to have Aelin unsettled.

She returned her attention to Rowan and let out a breath that sounded more like a giggle, "I've never heard her laugh before."

He nodded, blushing a little at the teacher's surprised but relieved tone.

"I'm sure the dean warned you about the problem she has," he said in a low voice. He grimaced at her poor choice of words, "I mean, not problem, but the difficulty she finds in interacting with people she doesn't know."

Liar, he told himself. Robyn hadn't spoken to anyone but him and Lorcan since the day Lyria had died. It wasn't a difficulty, but a response to the trauma that prevented her from speaking to anyone who wasn't part of her immediate family.

"I know, I know. We've been looking for solutions together." she informed him. "I give her a white board every morning. Come on, I'll show you." she turned to the desk they were sitting at earlier and raised the magnetic board, on which a few words were scribbled on. "I'll write here what she might need. Yes. No. I need to go to the bathroom. I'm thirsty. I'm hungry." she read, listing the various options. Rowan gaped. "We've only just started going over the alphabet for a second time, so she can't really read or write yet, as I imagine you know, but the little drawings next to each sentence help her."

She continued talking, but he couldn't quite follow.

The woman in front of him - aside from being breathtakingly beautiful - had done as much as she could to help her child with communication.

"Mr. Whitethorn-"

"Rowan. Please, call me Rowan." he said, clearing his throat once he realized how hoarse it sounded to his ears. Lorcan walked up to them at that point, still holding Robyn in his arms and positioned himself next to him, letting their shoulders touch in a comforting way.

"Call me Aelin, then," she smiled at them both. Then she made a small grimace, turning to Rowan, "I wanted to ask if it bothered you, that I sought a solution like that. Maybe I put her in distress, embarrassed her. I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that I wanted to solve this on my own. I really wanted to discuss it with you, with your husband too, to avoid misunderstandings. Maybe we could arrange a meeting."

He was about to tell her that she had given him the exact opposite of annoyance, that he had been more than pleased that she had helped Robyn this way, when her words finally registered.

Lorcan, beside him, had opened his mouth wide and his lips were slowly bending into a mischievous smile.

Rowan furrowed his brow, "I'm sorry, what?"

Aelin's smile seemed to falter. "A meeting? With you? To talk about how to handle the situation," then she shifted her gaze to Lorcan, "You're more than welcome to join as well. I didn't know Robyn had two dads, I apologise for assuming Robyn had a mum and dad. That was very rude of me-"

"I love this," Lorcan whispered, laughing in shock. He turned to Rowan with eyes that sparkled with amusement, "I would definitely be the top."

Rowan looked at him with an expression of complete shock on his face, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Robyn gasped, opening her eyes wide and bringing a hand to her mouth, pointing then to Rowan's.

"Yeah, sorry, love. I shouldn't have said the bad word." he apologised, giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. He turned back to Miss Galathynius, "I'm sorry to have to disappoint you, but we're not married."

"No need to lie, sweetie. I'm sure Aelin," he gave her a knowing look, "doesn't mind at all about our relationship status."

Aelin nodded, "Well, yes. That doesn't change anything. Mr..." she turned to Lorcan, searching for a name.

"Salvaterre."

"Mr. Salvaterre can still attend. The fact that you are not yet married is no reason why you cannot both be present at the meeting. You don't have to worry, we are a very tolerant school and if anyone bothers you, you can come directly to me."

A sound of sheer glee escaped Lorcan.

Aelin continued, "I mean it. I was pleased to see both of you today. I was also pleased to see Robyn smiling so much." she concluded, looking the little one in the face.

Rowan took a deep breath, bracing himself, "No, I meant, we're not a couple. We're not gay. He's her uncle."

The woman's blonde eyebrows shot up and a second later she turned almost as red as the dress Robyn was wearing as Lorcan shook his head muttering something very much like 'you're no fun', which made Robyn giggle.

"Why did you even get off the car?" he asked him exasperated.

Lorcan shrugged, "Because I missed my little bean, you monster." he replied, clutching Robyn to his chest. The little girl clutched Lorcan's shirt in her chubby little hands and Rowan huffed, shaking his head.

Aelin brought her hands to her face, leaning against the desk behind her. She shook her head, her face still hidden, "Oh, god. I'm so sorry."

Lorcan let out a dry laugh, "Don't worry about it. It was fun while it lasted." then he turned to Rowan again, who was still trying to recover from the idea of being involved in a relationship with his friend, "You're really no fun."

"Yeah, no fun dad." repeated Robyn.

Silence fell over the class. Rowan looked at her with wide eyes and blinked once, twice. Robyn was staring at him with a sweet scowl that mimicked so much that of the man who was still holding her, but Rowan couldn't get over the fact that his daughter had spoken while Aelin was still beside them.

He was about to talk, noticing how Robyn had started squirming in Lorcan's arms, when there was a knock at the door.

They both turned, Aelin peering over Rowan's shoulder, and saw the figure of a petite girl with black hair and eyes standing in the doorway, watching them with her head slightly bent to the side. She had a tag on her t-shirt that was too colourful to belong to someone who didn't work in a school with children, so he guessed she was a teacher herself. Besides, Rowan felt like he'd seen her elsewhere. Probably every day when he picked Robyn up from school, he said to himself.

"I know you're not supposed to eavesdrop but I stopped by earlier and heard you were a couple of dads," she said by way of introduction. "I just wanted to reassure you that the school is an extremely safe place. I'm the one who did most of the interviews with the parents," that's where they had met then, "and one of the questions that is asked is just about the tolerance of the people who will be attending the school."

Aelin watched her, remaining silent the whole time and putting on an amused smile, nodded, "That's what I was telling them. How tolerant the school is. They make such a cute couple, don't you think, Elide?"

Rowan turned to her, arching an eyebrow, silently asking her what she was doing. The woman, as if she could truly understand what he was trying to convey to her, nodded her head towards Lorcan, who Rowan only then noticed was standing weirdly, his eyes fixed on the woman in the doorway.

He grinned, deciding to take his revenge right away. "Oh, yes. Thank you so much for the reassurance," Rowan began to play along as well. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Lorcan turn towards him, dropping Robyn to the floor, who made a disapproving noise at being dumped so suddenly. "We are happy to know that this school is a safe place for our daughter. And for us."

Elide offered him a blinding smile, "Good. I'm happy to hear that you are pleased so far. And I am happy that Aelin is the one who is taking your daughter's class. She's the best one here."

Rowan didn't know her yet, but he knew the thing Elide had just said could only be true.

"Well," she said again, giving them an apologetic smile, "I really must go now, but if you need anything, you can find all my contact details on the website. Have a nice day!"

Aelin and Rowan said their goodbyes, thanking her. Lorcan took a while to recover, but when he realised he was staring into empty space he ran towards the door, almost stepping on little Robyn, who was moved by Aelin.

"We are very much not gay, miss!" he shouted into the hallway. Aelin, now beside him and with a hand on Robyn's shoulder, cackled. With Lorcan's infinite luck, someone walked by just then and gave him a stern look. "Oh, shut up ma'am. I'm an ally. The best ally."

Rowan shook his head as Lorcan launched himself in pursuit of the poor teacher and burst out laughing when he heard him shout, "I'm not homophobic! I'm willing to suck someone's cock if I have to prove it to you!"

Aelin opened her mouth wide before bursting out laughing in turn.

Robyn, seeing both adults so happy, giggled too and Rowan bent down to pick her up. The little girl laid her full head of white-light hair on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

She was tired and Rowan really needed to get her home to sleep.

He glanced at Aelin and reduced his lips to a thin line, "I'm sorry about the commotion, I'll try not to bring him into the building again. Even if it means tying him to the seat."

The soft laugh she gave made something tighten in his chest. He frowned.

Aelin didn't seem to notice the effect she had on him, "Don't worry, Elide is crazy about fools like him. If he says the right things, we might start seeing each other outside of school too."

Rowan nodded, now too caught up in the thought of having to take Robyn home to focus on anything else.

They agreed on when to hold the parent-teacher meeting and then he grabbed Robyn's backpack, walking towards the exit.

He was thoughtless as he reached into his pocket for his keys and balanced everything else - including the girl - on his other arm, but when Robyn's hand brushed his cheek, he looked down and his eyes met their twins. Green against green.

"What is it?"

The little girl's voice never stopped making him smile. Each time was like the first time she had said dada.

"I really like her."

Rowan frowned, "Who?"

"Miss Aelin." she whispered, almost as if she was afraid they might hear her.

He smiled at her, "Yeah? You like her?"

"She's nice to me."

Rowan had to put her down as he opened the door and let her get into the back seats by herself.

"I'm glad she's treating you well, love," he let her know, buckling her in.

He hoped she'd tell him more about her new teacher, but like any kid her age, the topic of conversation couldn't last for more than four lines apiece, "Where's Uncle Lorcan?"

Rowan snorted, "No idea, little bird."

Robyn nodded, "Elide is pretty too."

And as if those words had summoned him, Lorcan appeared beside the car, making them both scream. He entered the car in a heartbeat and turned to his daughter, who was still settling into the seat. "Do you know Miss Lochan?"

But before she could answer him, Rowan had entered the car in turn and smacked the back of his head, which made the Robyn giggle, "You're not using my daughter as your wingman. Now stop it and buckle up."

Lorcan gave him a gentle push, before doing as he was told and for once he was happy he'd convinced him to do something.

Or at least, Rowan thought he had convinced him.

"What if I left you a note to deliver to Miss Lochan, Rob? Would you be up for it?"

Rowan knew, even without looking at her, that she was nodding emphatically.

Keeping his eyes on the road, he murmured, "Could you stop calling my daughter Rob, please? You'll give her an existential crisis."

Lorcan clicked his tongue against his palate, "Rowan, I'm not giving her a damn thing. We live in this new world, okay? Your daughter could be called Simon and still be a beautiful princess. Grow up and educate yourself before you talk shit."

"Aaaah!" shouted Robyn, "Bad word!"

Rowan sighed and shook his head, but still he was smiling.

This was his life. Had been for the past two years.

And he wouldn't change it for the world.

tog tag list (if you wanna be added or removed just dm me or send me an ask)

@maastrash @ireallyshouldsleeprn @sleeping-and-books @hellasblessed @thegoddessofyou @ghostlyrose2 @claralady @sayosdreams @perseusannabeth @letstakethedawn @terrible-and-proud @post-it-notes33 @booksstorm @nalgenewhore @queen-of-demons-and-hell @lanyjoy-13 @vasudharaghavan @cupcakey00 @bri-loves-sunflowers @queen-of-glass @thewayshedreamed @the-regal-warrior @fangirlprincess09 @januarystears @rowaelinismyotp @starbornsinger @bookstantrash @thegreyj @feysand-loml @autumnbabylon @a-court-of-milkandhoney @highqueenofelfhame @story-scribbler @mariamuses @rhysandswingspan @tanvee1231

#rowaelinmonth #rowaelin #rowan whitethorn #aelin galathynius #tog #throne of glass #rowaelin fic #fluff #rowaelin month day ten

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lovecolibri · 2 years

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Tim coudn't have chosen a worst co- show runner if he could. That's why even 4x14 felt so strange we had some great scenes in between her BT fanfiction. That's why she was the only one that saw buck that way, that's why 5x07 and 5x09 were BT centered. Honestly hope she get fired like tonight. Thanks to her a lot of people lost all the enthusiasm for 5b, we will how the ratings will go on monday

I'm sure she won't get fired but hey! We manifested it on another show so who knows! 🤣

I honestly always felt like 4x14 was giving me whiplash! We had the shooting scene and ride to the hospital, the Chris scene and Will scene (both of which Tim apparently fought to put in because she didn't want them), but in between All Of That, we had the reporter of all people being the only one to see (that we are shown or told) Buck right after?! Bobby's reaction to Buck seemed weird given what we learned this season about Buck's parents, Buck didn't even get any hugs?! From anyone except Chris?! This was a perfect Bobby/Buck bonding opportunity or even a moment for Chim and Buck, or Hen and Buck, but instead we got....the reporter who didn't actually offer any comfort and only managed to take advantage of Buck being a literal mess, not to mention using the same kind of language his mom used to berate him. The "you didn't chase after me" line will never not make steam come out of my ears in anger 😤😤😤, the kiss in the middle of everything, her being at Eddie's welcome home party when no one from the 118 was there?! I get them not wanting to overwhelm him his first day back home, and maybe they were all on shift, but it was such a weird look. IDK, the vibes and the story they were trying to tell with 4x14 was just kinda all over the place. And yeah, it's set up to show BT being doomed from the start but like, pick a different episode and stop missing good emotional beats just to wedge her into an episode she didn't belong in.

Same with 5x07, and 5x09, we didn't need any of that! Her other brief moments were important to show the cracks in the BT relationship and Buck slowly isolating himself, getting no emotional support from her, and falling back into bad habits as everything else is crumbling around him, but we didn't need any of her backstory to do that, especially when we know next to nothing about Ravi, and being down several characters means we could have spent more time with the ones we DO have still around.

That's the concern I have about the new character coming along as well. People are already demanding that she's more than a love interest and needs to have her own arc and be her own character and it's like no! No she doesn't! That's not her purpose here! If she was a new main being added then yes (but also no because I'd rather see more about Ravi than them adding another new main and learning about them instead), she would need to be her own character but she's not (at least not yet but if y'all don't shut up she might be and then we'll be right back where we were with 5a), she's here to be a foil for Buck. He's not been pushed to the brink yet, and if Breaking Point taught us anything it's that he's got a least one more bad life choice left in him. Buck's been languishing in the dark feeling suffocated for too long. He's getting ONE (1) hit of adrenaline that makes him feel alive again, and he's gonna go off the deep end a bit. And none of the firefam will push him towards that because they know about his issues with acting expendable. Lucy does not. Just like Lena had no way of knowing Eddie was not going to use fighting as a healthy outlet, but turn it into something else, Lucy won't know that Buck has zero regard for his own life and isn't just out there having a good time.

I actually am really excited for this arc and I think it's going to be so interesting to see, and the potential for good Buddie and Buck/Bobby scenes to come out of it, but I probably won't be able to fully enjoy it until we know for sure she's gone forever. 🤷‍♀️ I have faith, but like, not that much faith. Before 4x14 it would be a different story because I honestly thought they were making it so clear BT were bad together that them getting together was not even on my radar. 🙃🙃🙃

#my sweet nonnie friends #911 #911 spoilers #anti bucktaylor #anti taylor kelly #clearing out my inbox

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redxblueihateloveyou · 3 years

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Am I the only one who doesn’t get why some (tw) are shitting on Haru and Rin separately just for the fact that they reciprocate each others feelings? Because it’s not the feelings they wanted them to reciprocate? Just curious because I'm new and recently entered the fandom. And since when miscommunication in between means that they don't deserve to be happy at the end? Because you're an idiot when it comes to love, doesn't mean you're a bad person. I came from chinese bl and it's weird to me.

Hehe welcome to the madness, perfect time to join! Yeah, tbh that's the thing in the fandom that always bugged me the most. The fact that some act like if you don't reciprocate someone's feelings, it makes you a bad person. I always found it incredibly cringy when ppl in real life for example make ppl feel guilty for not feeling the same way and make you feel like shit bc of it. I don't get why you have to apologize for that or feel bad, if you never ever gave him any hope or anything in the first place.

Nowdays it's thankfully a rare sight already in this fandom, bc most already grown and see perfectly what's truly healthy and unhealthy, it's just tbh only the same 3 accounts ppl keep sending me that are still on that, who also think that Haru is literally possessed in the last movie so I don't see the point of like arguing with ppl like this. It's just they're always getting extremely angry when Haru wants Rin as if it's his fault that he feels this way and always go about it like he is inconsiderate of Makoto's feelings. Implying that they're mad that he doesn't feel that way about Makoto, while Makoto does. I'm same as @tododeku-or-bust for example said here (idk what fandom brought this on, but just in general) also do not get what's appealing about this kind of relationships in the first place.

If they shipped it in terms of like it's mutual I'd get it, but they go on about how Rin or Haru are bad friends bc they're not in love with their best friends... like ?????? I didn't know you owe it to your friends to have romantic feelings for them.

In real life if you found out that your bestie feels that way for you while you don't reciprocate, it's a burden, that'll make you feel uncomfortable and at times guilty when you shouldn't technically feel that way. So putting on someone a burden of "I was pining for you all along", when you know they don't feel the same is giving me this feeling of cringe. So I personally do not get what's enjoyable at seeing it like that in Free. But to each their own kink lmao.

It's like... is Haru at fault for the fact that he was Ikuya's first love too? I do not get it really. Like he doesn't have to take responsibility for everyone who falls for him and he doesn't owe anyone to reciprocate their feelings. Even to Rin. Like if he didn't feel the same way for Rin, it wouldn't be his fault either. But since he does feel the same way for him, it's like... good, great, happy for them.

Like once again if someone believes that Makoto and Sousuke are unrequitedly in love with Rin and Haru, that's not rinharu fault. Haru literally never ever lead Makoto on EVER. He never ever did anything that would make Makoto believe that they're more than friends. He was always honest about everything. Like when Makoto thought that he went out to see him, but Haru just wanted to see the sunrise, he told him just that. He never encoraged anything, he refused to live with him and never wanted. I do not get why it's supposed to be his fault that he doesn't like his friend in that way. If Makoto has some unrequited feelings for him and decided to hang up on this, it's his own life choice in my opinion.

It's like saying that Onodera and Takano for example don't deserve to be together just because they unintentionally hurt each other and got separated for 10 years bc of misunderstanding. This argument is like typical Yokozawa life position aka "but I was there when he left you heartbroken for several years, that means you MUST pick me". As I've said before, that's just not how it fucking works. And just bc they couldn't explain things to each other normally, doesn't mean that they don't deserve be happy now. Being idiots is not a crime.

Or if you came from chinese bl, lets go "Guardian" for example. Zhu Hong also was on about how "why you love Shen Wei, not me, I always did everything for you and I was always there, I even wore heels bc you once said you liked those etc". Like he never asked her to do this, he never gave her any hope, he was beyond rude and open about the fact that he's not interested, he never did anything to make her think she had a chance since the beginning. Just bc she decided to dedicate her life to false hope that maybe one day something might change is not his fault. It was her choice. Why Yunlan should feel like shit bc of that I do not get personally.

I'm just buffled bc like Haru for example is the most caring about other ppl's pain person, but they call him selfish and rude bc of the way he is with Makoto at times, not even realising that it IS in fact what means being kind sometimes.. to not give someone a chance when you know you don't feel it. I was always saying this like since forever, being kind doesn't mean for example giving everyone second chances, loving everyone, wanting to be friends with anyone etc. In some situations it's not being kind, it's being stupid or even not being a good person. Once again... offering someone friendship after he openly dissed your friend and you see that he's not in any position to talk back is not kind. Or if someone cheats on you constantly, but you always forgive them it's also not you being kind. It's you being stupid. Sometimes you have to be harsh. It's for the greater good.

And like I saw several times stuff like someone under scenes where Rin has his eyes for Haru only, commenting like "oh great, look at Rin being inconsiderate of Sousuke's feelings again. Can't believe you guys find this romantic." I mean, if in their opinion Sousuke is in pain from being Rin's friend, he can end it, it's his choice. It's not Rin's fault that he thinks of him as just his friend. So thinking that Rin is an asshole bc each time he simply hangs out with Sousuke he's a selfish bitch is fucking insane. I'd feel extremely bad if my best friend was seeing it this way for example. It's like hella ugly.

This annoys me also bc of the fact that Rin, the person who at the age of 12 single-handedly saved his family from falling apart after his father's death, who's an amazing friend to Sousuke and did everything to make his happy after he found out about his trauma and always checks on him first and cries about his shoulder, who in the late evenings taught Rei to swim, when everyone else gave up already xD, who was looking after Nitori during his training, who pretends to walk the same road, just because he's scared to let Gou return alone in the evenings, the most amazing son and brother, is suddenly an asshole just because Haru is in love with him, but not with Makoto. I mean, thats just... huh? Like I dont mind you ship what you want to ship, it's like to each their own crayons for real. But like dissing them and call them selfish just bc they only see their friends as friends and don't want anything more is weird to me.

As for the fact that bc of the misunderstanding they don't deserve to be happy, that's just idiotic. I mean, lets punish Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan too just bc Lan Zhan couldn't voice his real feelings back then and bc WWX misunderstood him. Lets ship WWX with Wen Ning instead. Nezumi is cancelled, he doesn't deserve to be with Shion. He left him. Takano should stay with Yokozawa, Onodera is trash. Wu Xie is trash for wanting to be with Zhang Qiling too. It doesn't matter why he leaves, it only matters that he always does. I can't believe he doesn't see that Pangzi is there with him all along xD. What an ungrateful trash of a human being I can't even.

And anyways btw both Rin and Haru are not ideal human beings in any way (otherwise I wouldn't love them this much tbh xD). But their flaws are definitely not what for example mh shippers usually blame them for. You can argue about their other imperfections easily. Like being stupidly stubborn for example. I won't point fingers here, Haru lolz. Or literally anything else.

My point is you can find what to trash them for logically, if you wanna. Do it smartly tho. Otherwise you make your ship look bad.

And I once again say what wise person said about his relationships and about the fact that not being able with someone he loves hurt him and 'why is he doing this to himself' he answered: "it's not on him. my happiness and my pain is for me to handle". Everyone decides for themselves. This is why for example Haru was so broken about voicing this to Rin and didn't have any intentions to tell him that in the first place. Bc it's not right, if you're not sure that it's requited. Technically he has no right to blame Rin for making him fall in love with him and then leaving in the first place. It's not Rin's fault really, that he made him feel what he feels for him, it's ultimately Haru's problem. That's why he feels has no right to blame him in the first place. I mean, he doesn't know that Rin feels the same, that means saying to him "you break my heart each time you leave" and making him feel bad about it is technically wrong. That's why Haru to himself said "no, please, don't say such things to him". Everyone for himself decides who deserves your 5, 7, 800 or 10000 years of your pain. It's your decision. It's your life. If Haru feels like Rin is worth it, then you have no say in that matter really. The only reason we call Rin an idiot or Haru an idiot is because we know they feel the same, so we can. But blame someone else for not feeling what you're feeling is not right.

So like even if you feel like Makoto and Sousuke have feelings for their friends, blaming Haru and Rin for having feelings for each other and not for them is beyond weird. And there's nothing wrong with putting someone you love first, every bro/sis gets it. You can say bros before hoes all you want, but like Lan Zhan might just drop his bro for his hoe, if he was given a choice. Would it make him a bad person? The fact that Wu Xie chose to save Xiaoge before Pangzi makes his a bad person? My point is it's not all that easy.

I just feel like many ppl in this fandom are very weird about many things. Either because they do not get what it's like to go through some things or maybe they just do not get that no matter how cheesy this sounds love is not that simple. I mean, for example not all selfish is bad, sometimes like in Haru's case for example not being selfish is also bad. Bc if he finally asks for what he wants, he will make both himself AND Rin happy.

To be angry at Rin bc of the aftermath of his father's death and s1 I never had it in me, after knowing everything and how adults handled it. If some of Sousuke's fans bc of Yakusoku and the fact that Rin found his salvation in Haru bc he helped him to move forward after getting his family out of this hell alone and that Haru was the safe haven that made him happy in this moment of his life, want to trash Rin for the fact that he "neglected" Sousuke, its like your opinion. I personally do not get it. Rin doesn't owe Sousuke anything. It's not his fault again that Haru's existence helped him to feel better.

Just like not everyone will get why Haru in 1x12 was so happy about the fact that he could help Rin. To be that special somebody for someone who can "save" you in moments of your life like this, especially if you love them is an incredible feeling. And no, your bestie isn't always the person for this job, no. I don't see why people do not get that I guess, that's all. But we all have our own opinion on everything, so...

We same as you do not get it since forever, but its like it is what it is in this fandom. I personally just have another life position on stuff, so I'm very far from that point of view they have.

#answered #anonymous #rinharu #harurin #free!#nanase haruka #rin matsuoka

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slurp-imagines · 3 years

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Hey, I have a headcanon I would like to ask, how would Sakazuki's relation be if he had a sister? They are like night and day - she is easy going, friendly and laugh/jokes around alot, but she will beat you ass if you're not respectful. Can imagine there are some friction between them, but she will always have Saka's back. Will they also have some sibling quirks? Thank you ^^

I found this a little difficult to write after a certain point (hope it's not too obvious lol) but it was an interesting prompt for sure. re-reading your ask now, I do feel like you were hoping for like... more just fun headcanons. but I ended up going kinda serious with it. hope that's okay too haha... regardless, ty for sending anon :)

Sakazuki (Akainu) + his friendly sister

↳ Sakazuki hates her omg. Probably not genuinely, but. Some people definitely wonder

↳ I'm sure she hassles him all the time lmfao, he never gets a break. She was the reason he got his first gray hair, he just knows it.

↳ It'd be funny if his sister was older than him & was always making fun of him like "yep, that's my baby brother, the admiral :D Isn't he so cute?" Meanwhile Sakazuki’s stood there stony-faced, looking like the most intimidating thing since death itself. He wants to deny it so bad, but it would only validate her. Because what’s cuter than a big, grumpy guy denying how cute he is?? The gap moe would be too strong. And he can’t have that. He’s helpless to it and she knows it lmao, the best he can do is just not even dignify it with a response. Sakazuki has mastered the “...As I was saying,” deadpan. Prob has a vein popping in his neck or something too. It kills her every time

↳ I could see Sakazuki and his sister being sooo at odds most of the time, but weirdly in sync on the battlefield. He likely outranks her since he's an admiral, but I imagine she wouldn't be too far behind him. She's always on the same page, always knowing what his orders will be before he even voices them. I can see her keeping up a mutual respect with her brother by still dutifully completing their missions; even while she's joking around the whole time, she gets the job done. Cleanly.

↳ She can totally crack the whip on their subordinates, too– the authority she commands is made a little heavier by her brother's name, of course, but it's also one entirely her own. She has her stern/scary side, but she's definitely warmer and more approachable than him. I could see her taking on a role where she sort bridges that gap between Sakazuki and their fellow marines.

↳ On a more serious note... We don’t have a backstory on him (yet - I hope) but I always imagined that his incredibly black-and-white view of justice was shaped by some formative, possibly traumatic experience when he was younger. As a child, I could see Sakazuki admiring/liking her quite a bit, up until that point. I feel like he’d think she wasn’t taking his plight– their duty as marines to enforce justice– seriously.

↳ So Sakazuki is always scolding her, always telling her to “drop the act & get serious already” because he knows what she’s capable of. He does mean that genuinely, but she pulls a lot of the weight keeping things more light-hearted. The tension really doesn't rise unless she's actively screwing things up or holding things back from an important goal.

↳ Idk why, but I feel like sometime around the aforementioned point in his life, Sakazuki would have unconsciously stopped holding blood relation as inherently more important that choice relations. In that sense, he may only continue feeling a sense of loyalty toward his sister so long as she stays on the same path as him.

↳ Because surely from her past actions, he knows that she has his back, and he knows that he's better off because of it. (Does he ever tell her that? Nah. But she probably gets it... I feel like they'd have that silent-understanding type of relationship)

↳ But I'm a little hesitant on how far Sakazuki will have her back in return. We haven't seen anything from him yet to make me think that he'd value a personal relationship over his duty. I could actually see him disowning someone close to him should he decide they're morally wrong. (Doing so would hurt him, but only privately, and maybe only after the fact.)

↳ And even if they butt heads a lot, or even if he never expresses it, I do feel like he would be quite attached to his sister deep down (especially now that they're both far into their adulthood and their dynamic has likely become less volatile than when they were kids/teens). Sakazuki naturally doesn’t want to look down on her, but he will if her philosophy & reasons for fighting are severely out of line in his eyes. We love the friction don't we

#akainu #sakazuki #one piece #one piece imagines #sorry this took a little longer btw! work has kicked up recently

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lovelygirlinbleu · 3 years

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I really hated the writers for how they wrote Liv this season and especially after episode 8.

First of all how is it possible that we didn't see her talk about her relapse. How and why did she start drinking? We saw the scene in 2x16 but did she really continue when Spencer was with her the whole time? Or did she start after leaving Vegas? I know we got that scene with nurse joy but she still didn't really talk about it, and nurse joy literally called her out for what she said. We didn't even go into depth. Someone else tells her why she eventually started drinking and that's it? How does she feel about it? What the actual? And how did no one ever mention that she got PTSD too? How did no one talk about how her parents never got her some help to deal with what she experienced? The girl showed some serious signs at the end of season 2 and no one cared. Somehow it's not even addressed. Why did they show those scenes if she does not even talk about it? They basically ignored that in season 3 and it was only all about Spencer's trauma.

And I still can't believe how everyone was angry and mad at her instead of asking her why and what triggered her into relapsing. Sorry but the writers seem to be more into how this storyline could cause some drama, which isn't wrong it's still a show, instead of properly addressing what led to it.

Next thing is the Asher break up. It's more of my personal view (which is why it could be very wrong because I could've misunderstood things) but anyways. So I'm not saying anything about their relationship anymore because I already did that and it's a waste of time. But what bothered me a lot is how he got to yell at her for the most stupid reason. Her caring about a friend who's going through it and then making it about himself and not needing her help anymore. Apparently she's too caring, helpful and that's what made him mad? And he gets away with it? He gets away with lots of stuff but this was just dumb. Why was she not allowed to say something about the stupidity? Why is she supposed to feel bad for her personality just because he doesn't need her no more? I know that was part of her journey but she should've stood up for herself for once. And I just know it will never be discussed again. (It was more of an excuse for his emotional cheating) That's why I'll continue.

The Layla drama. The thing that I always say is that Liv should have apologized for keeping this from her. And that's it. It's not her fault that Spencer loves her, that he told her and that he kissed her. It's especially not her fault that he slept with Layla right after and that he didn't call off things when she actually gave him the chance to. She didn't even know up until she saw them together. Now tell me what is she supposed to do? Her two best friends, where one of them got already hurt by her in the past and the other one she thought loved her wanted to be with her, get back together. What the heck is this woman supposed to do about it? Just betray her two best friends and risk their friendship? And it's Spencer who actually put her into the position where she basically had no choice but keep quiet. She didn't choose to be put into that position c'mon. And I mean we know Olivia. She already hurt Layla in the past, she was not stable in that moment too and she is crazy scarred to be alone and to hurt other people. So if she told Layla what would've happened? Layla would be mad, Spencer probably too but not for so long and she would've also lost Asher which means she would've been alone. It would've made things weird. I mean it wouldn't have been like that for to long but for someone who wasn't stable at that moment it's the scariest thing to happen.

So Idk why she was put into so much pressure and WAS NOT EVEN ALLOWED to express herself about it too?

And the most important thing is kinda the same but it's Olivia's side in the whole triangle and how it's constantly being ignored. She even belittled what happened in Vegas to "a stupid Vegas kiss". No because what is wrong with the writers? How is it that we deal with the betrayal Layla went through, how Spencer was hurt by Liv leaving and using Layla, but not how Liv was also hurt in the whole scenario? How is her part in that not as important as theirs? I'm tired of everyone else getting the "victim" card and Olivia constantly made out to be the traitor.

I mean imagine getting a love confession and a kiss by your best friend, leaving because you're scared and feeling guilty and then coming back seeing the person who told you he loved you, kiss your best friend and then get back with her as if nothing happend. Oh my god? Yes she was in a relationship with Asher but she clearly didn't love him. She loved Spencer and he knew but he gets back with his ex, who's also her best friend. I would be so danm hurt and feel like it meant nothing. Belittling it to a stupid "Vegas kiss". Then of course I'm not going to open my mouth. I would feel stupid, I would be afraid to risk my friendships. And somehow we only see Layla's side, Spencer's side, but Olivia is the bad one right? How was she not allowed to say that to Layla later on? I get that in the confrontation scene she was in her typical addiction/denial attitude but why not later on?

I still hate the whole confrontation scene and cringe everytime I think about it because the whole point was missed, some things that were said were right but some other were uncalled for. So I hate this scene a lot.

I think the writers really did her dirty with that. Somehow it was her season but I'm literally unsatisfied and as clueless as before. We can theorize and all but when is she allowed to express her thoughts?

I feel like they still have a chance to properly tell her addiction story in season 4 if she gets to talk with nurse joy and WE SEE that (because the writers have a huge problem with wanting us to assume things and not show it) or if she continues going to therapy. I mean I really want to know her story and what exactly led to her relapse. To me they belittled that too.

With Layla I also think there's kind of a chance to talk about Vegas and how she felt and maybe her apologizing for not telling her but also demanding for Layla to understand her. They still didn't have a real conversation about the whole situation and their friendship and with the whole Carrie situation it could finally happen. I hope the writers won't disappoint.

I also hope for more talks with Spencer and maybe them talking about Vegas and what happened after that. Why he made the decisions and maybe her expressing how she felt but with a good feeling after that. They teased their talk in 3x01 but we also know it might've been more of a "it was a mistake" talk.

Another thing is her dancing and art. Every single character gets to explore their interests and passions except her. I was kinda mad at first about how they only teased the dancing class with the kids, and how they only showed snippets of her art skills but I get that she might've first deal with her addiction. Yet I'm a little disappointed about how we still didn't get anything in 3B.

I really hope they show the dancing class and her being a teacher. I would really love to see her working with kids and how that dynamic would look like. And I want to see her working on art projects. Maybe as coping or to express what's going on in her mind or to make a statement. There are so many storylines one can create with art. If they don't use that they are wasting a lot of time.

I really want to see who Olivia is outside of her relationships, family, friends and addiction. Of course the addiction will always be a part of her but she's not just an addict. She's much more than that. For 3 season they still haven't managed to tell us who she really is and i'm getting tired.

I also really don't want to see Olivia helping Asher no more. Especially not through his heart condition. He made it clear that he doesn't need her anymore. Or her being the mediator in the Billy, Jordan, Spencer drama. It's the last thing we need. She should only focus on her own fr.

I chose to ignore the social justice thing and the drama with her mom because I have no real opinion on that. It was good to discuss it but it was also stretched out a little bit.

I hope they just give her a good storyline next season, lots of Spelivia without drama and more about her friendship with Simone, and finally more about herself. 💛💛

#all american #olivia baker #spelivia

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buckttommy · 3 years

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in response to ur great analyzing of tk in this episode: tbh i feel like i almost understand tk falling in with owen MORE if he was primarily taken care of by his mom. because let's face it, owen seems like the guy who doesn't want to be the bad guy and wants to be liked, and probably left gwyn to do the dirty side of parenting. so you have lil baby tk who has a FIREFIGHTER DAD, a dream for most young boys, and when he is present and there, is probably 'the fun parent' and i think it created a situation where at least in his youth tk definitely idolized owen. i think that's also shown in the season 1 finale when he's questioning why he became a firefighter and he realized it's because of owen. anyways just here to say that your blurb questioning why tk reacted that way gave so much nuance to the show where it's lacking and tbh makes me think you understand the characters way more than the writers and they should hire you okay thanks bye

@maurawrites (tagging you since you didn’t mean to send this on anon!)

There's a lot here lol. This is going to be long. Discussion stems from this post about 02 x 12.

First thing's first, I think if we are to understand TK and his character, we have to first understand who Owen Strand is and what kind of parent he is.

To begin: Owen Strand is a very selfish parent. This is not hate, just simple analysis. His whole life is focused on himself, his job, and his comfort. He loves his kid and would take a bullet for TK any day, but TK is not a priority to him. We see repeated examples of this in canon.

You said "Owen seems like the kind of guy who doesn't want to be the bad guy;" this is true. Owen cares what people think of him. He is brilliant, charismatic, charming, and always has to be the best and the smartest in the room, and he uses every one of his "favorable" qualities to his advantage. I love Paul/Marj/Mateo (obviously), and maybe this isn't entirely fair to say since it was the 911LS writers' decisions to go this route in an effort to make Rob Lowe's character look spectacular, but when I consider Owen Strand and the kind of person he is, it seems to me like he hired those three to make a statement (“I’m inclusive, these people are welcome here because I see their worth.”) Not necessarily tokenizing them, but, in a way, putting himself above all the backwater ideas one would expect of Texans. He hired Judd for the same reason, though it took a little more convincing. (”I have empathy for your plight. I am reaching out a hand to show you I am good and I am not your enemy”). That's not to say he's wrong, exactly, only to say that Owen is always consciously aware of who and what he's dealing with, and how to come out looking the best in any given situation. Simply: Owen's actions are statements to other people, and while not exactly a manipulation, it's definitely calculated.

So, of course he'd use that calculation with his son. Of course, given the fact that he was hardly around, Owen would want his son to adore him. Of course, he’d let the brunt of parental responsibility fall on his wife, regardless of the strain it must have put on their marriage with her always being the bad guy. TK definitely idolized Owen, but not because his dad was a firefighter, it goes deeper than that. He idolized his dad because those were the kind of feelings Owen cultivated. Note, I'm not saying Owen did this maliciously, by the way, I'm saying that this is simply the way Owen interacts with people. He preens under attention, even and especially from his son, and he knows how to get that attention. This worked for years, but as TK grew up and his maturity deepened, his perception of his dad would have changed. Owen's absences probably felt more pronounced, became more difficult to deal with, and it’s at this point that TK's worship of his dad morphs from blind adoration to "my dad is a firefighter, his job has his attention, therefore I want to be a firefighter because I want my dad's attention." I'm willing to bet that a lot, if not most of their conversations when he was a boy, were about firefighting. Not even really because TK cared about firefighting to the extent that his dad did (though he would come to love/appreciate it), but because it was common ground and a tool he could use to get closer to his dad. TK questioning his desire to be a firefighter and his subsequent transition from firefighter to paramedic is one of the first major life choices we ever see TK ever make. Even his sobriety was on Owen's conditions (though I believe TK would have gone back to being sober in his own time).

All of this to say that TK's actions in 02 x 12 can be interpreted in multiple ways and neither of them are wrong. Human beings are deeply complex creatures with deeply complex thoughts and motivations. I agree with this post that it's possible (and likely) TK was trying to incite a physical reaction from Carlos when he shoved him (as seen in the barfight scene, which I rewatched last night and whoo boy, that’s a meta for another day), but I also think it's possible that having to defend Owen against his boyfriend (a person who is supposed to love and trust him, and have his back) also triggered old feelings of childlike worship.

And while we're on the topic of TK's childhood and his relationship with his parents, I'd love to sink my teeth into TK's relationship with his mom real quick because I think, in some ways, TK believes he is the only one capable of truly evaluating and criticizing his dad (failed intervention notwithstanding). This goes back to the "us vs. them" mentality I made reference to in my original post. No one knows his dad better than he does, therefore no one is allowed to judge him so harshly (which he perceived Carlos as doing in 02 x 12). Considering that POV and the fact that TK’s relationship with his dad was built on common interest rather than natural father/son connectedness and cultivated in such a way that Owen shaped his affections, I think TK's relationship with his mom was rather strained. He probably sided with his dad in most arguments, didn't listen to his mom when she gave him a command/looked to his dad to see if he *really* had to do follow through, and things like that. Again, Owen did not cause this strain out of inherent or intentional malice, but it was an unintentional side effect of his actions. Side note: I imagine that was a very lonely household for Gwyn. But anyway, getting back to the topic at hand, I think as TK became older and started to see his dad for the complicated person he is, though unable to fully relinquish that childlike hero-worship (especially since at this point, the dynamic has already been established), he did allow himself to recognize his dad is kind of an asshole in some ways (which is why TK is even able to challenge him now). His mom, at one point on the outside of that “us vs them” dynamic, now rests somewhere in the middle as TK now fully understands that the issues in their relationship are not solely her fault. We see (minor) evidence of this in 02 x 07/08 (idk which) where he asks his mom if Owen said anything nasty to her upon learning that the baby wasn't his, I believe it was, with a tone full of disapproval. He’d still probably take his dad’s side more often than not, but he’d definitely approach the situation with a lot more nuance than he would have as a child.

Geeze, this was long. I wonder if I can get graded on this.

#tv: 911 lone star #type: meta #tyler strand #One day I'm going to talk about the inherent hypermasculinity of TK using the words man/dude when he's fighting #and how Owen is literally two steps away from profiling as a narcissit/sociopath/naricissitc sociopath #but today is most certainly not that day #anonymous #jack answers mail #answered #everyone please ignore the way i spelled narcissistic wrong TWICE lmao. i wrote this at midnight

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