#he IS young and he IS kind of immature in this area and i get why he asked me. i really do. he was afraid and i'm his friend.

[thebirdandhersong]

am I simply............. to be an educational pit stop and temporarily necessary mental/emotional/spiritual support for the men I love for all time?? like yes the two boys I've loved in my life I DID love with all my heart however the first only started reading the Bible regularly and investing in his church community after I broke up with him (these were things I kept suggesting while we dated, but which he brushed off and didn't take seriously) and now it's looking like I am an emotional bookmark for the second. like I'm in between one page of his life and the next, and am helping him process and am teaching him how to deal with his emotions properly, but what I'm doing for him is literally all that I will be to him, and he likely won't remember me when I move out of the dorm and graduate.

#i DO love him i DO want to help him #however i do wonder why he's chosen to confide in me. why he asked me to keep him accountable for something #that by all rights was his responsibility and his own romantic business #he IS young and he IS kind of immature in this area and i get why he asked me. i really do. he was afraid and i'm his friend. #but anywayyyyy this has been a TIME #i am trying not to be like well why is it my job to better these men #not to give myself too much credit LOLLLLL it's not like i'm drastically shaping them in any way shape or form #it's just. i know how much attention and hidden care and worry and affection and consideration i put into all of this #i too would like to experience it the other way around #where i am not the only one who is paying attention to these things and wanting to support and care for and watch over the other person #not that i'm doing anything with the expectation of reciprocity. goodness no i'm not stupid enough to expect anything now #but it would be really nice. REALLY NICE. to not be giving and giving and giving #and then going back to my room and then crying my eyes out because it feels like it's either all for nothing or has no weight to the boy #the waiting room chapter

[teyamskxawng]

The Fight [I]

Neteyam Sully x Fem!Omatikaya!Reader

Next Part Here

The rundown: The beach fight scene but make it Reader vs Aonung and he gets his ass beat LMAO. Ft. jealous, possessive (and lowkey oblivious) Neteyam having a crisis over the reader.

Warnings: language, bullying, slight violence, brief mention of the reader's deceased parents, Aonung bashing (but only for the purposes of this fic!! i fr trust Aonung's character arc), characters are aged up

WC: 8.8k

A/N: Don't even ask lol, I just wanted reader to be a badass. Second half of the fic delves into Neteyam's feelings and such. I'll prob finish this in like 1 or 2 more parts, so stay tuned for that! :)

Kiri was sprawled out on her stomach in a shallow area of the beach, her face entirely submerged in the crisp, clear water. Intently, she observed a tiny hole dug into the sand, a hub of activity for little critters periodically scurrying in and out.

Meanwhile, you sat beside her, equally entranced by the little wonder of nature the two of you had chanced upon during your mid-afternoon beach excursion.

Just as you lifted your head out of the water to catch your breath and stretch your neck, you felt vibrations from approaching footsteps and hushed voices carried by the sea breeze. Recognizing the voices, you quickly realized that it was Aonung and his band of goons lurking by the shore.

One of the guys pointed a webbed finger at you and Kiri, making it blatantly obvious that you two were the center of their group's conversation.

With a sly smirk and an obnoxiously loud voice, the boy asked his friends, "What are they doing?"

A chorus of laughter erupted among the group, immediately setting off alarms in your mind. You staunchly stood by Kiri, prepared to defend your friend against any potential ridicule or harm.

Meanwhile, Kiri remained blissfully unaware of all that was transpiring above water. Her head still submerged beneath gentle waves, she continued to marvel at the underwater world without a clue about the brewing laughter above.

Aonung scratched his head in mock confusion before turning to his friends and sarcastically asking, "Is she some kind of…freak?"

This wisecrack immediately set you on edge.

You gently shook Kiri's shoulder, calling out her name in a bid to get her attention but not startle her. Dazed and still somewhat out of the loop, Kiri lifted her head out of the water. Blinking the sea from her eyes, she groggily replied, "Huh? What did you say?"

The guys around you couldn't contain their childish amusement, snickering as they watched the scenario unfold.

Kiri's puzzled gaze finally fell upon the boisterous crowd surrounding them. "Oh." She replied, her entire demeanor deflating.

One of the guys chimed in condescendingly as if addressing a toddler trying to understand a grown-up conversation. "He asked if you were a freak," he smirked.

You couldn't help but roll your eyes in disdain, doing your best to suppress the growing urge to smack that smug grin off the little cretin's face. He looked like he belonged in a cage.

"Kiri, let's get out of here. These fish fuckers actually think that they're funny." You threw a venomous glare at the boys, allowing your piercing stare to linger just a fraction longer on Aonung–the one you least expected this behavior from.

As the son of the Metkayina chief, you assumed he would be different, a sharper contrast to his counterparts. You couldn't help comparing Aonung unfavorably to Neteyam, whose father was the late Omatikayan chief.

Neteyam carried himself with poise and grace far removed from Aonung's immature antics. Further adding salt to Aonung's proverbial wound was how unlike his little sister Tsireya he seemed to be. Although she was young, Tsireya radiated kindness and welcomed you and the Sully kids with open arms from the first day you arrived.

Aonung shot you a smug, sly smirk, allowing his eyes to flit up and down your figure, causing an uneasy sensation to skitter across your skin like an unwanted insect.

With sudden haste, fueled by the desire to escape, your hand shot out and latched onto Kiri's arm–maybe gripping with a bit too much force–as you seized the opportunity to depart from the presence of the immature boys.

Dragging Kiri out of the water with determination, you guided her toward the safety and solitude of the shoreline. To your dismay, though, the boys were not so easily deterred.

They pursued you and Kiri with dogged persistence; their snickers echoed through the air like a pack of viperwolves as they threw snide remarks targeted at your departing backs, whispering just loud enough for you and Kiri to overhear.

"Look at their tails,"

"Aww, baby tail!"

You gritted your teeth, willing yourself to maintain control despite your growing anger. You had hoped that your unspoken plea for serenity would be granted—that you could slip away unnoticed and go about your day. But clearly, Eywa had other plans.

Your breaking point presented itself when Aonung couldn't resist taking his antics a step further, reaching out and brazenly yanking Kiri's tail—probably thinking he was the height of hilarity.

That was the final straw for you; any iota of self-control you'd managed to cling to all this while suddenly snapped like a fragile twig underfoot.

You swiftly tucked Kiri protectively behind your body, baring your fangs with ferocious intensity at Aonung. With a menacing hiss, you attempted to warn him off.

However, Aonung was unfazed by your display; instead, he only widened his smirk and put his hands up theatrically in a gesture of mock surrender. Chuckling derisively, his eyes darted toward his friends for approval.

His cronies wasted no time in offering their reaction, joining in on the laugh track and seemingly growing bolder by the second as they encircled you and Kiri with an unnerving persistence.

"Why so strung up, y/n? I know you're a forest girl and all, but there's no need to go full tribal warrior on us. You're not a freak like Kiri," Aonung teased as he approached you while confidently throwing aside any semblance of personal space or respect.

He reached out and boldly clasped one of your hands as if you were old friends catching up over lunch. Looming over your figure like an unwelcome raincloud, Aonung brandished your hand in front of everyone, showing off the distinct three fingers that set you apart from your friends Kiri and Lo'ak, both of whom inherited their father's four fingers.

"I gotta say," he said while flashing an exaggerated grin at you, "I really don't mind these little hands at all."

With each word, Aonung's grin grew further on his face, as if daring anyone to challenge him.

As he continued to violate your personal space and dignity, you could feel the bubbling cauldron of rage within you reaching its tipping point.

Aonung just stood there on the shore with an infuriating, cocky smirk plastered on his face. His eyes seemed to dig into you as if attempting to burrow inside your head. There was something spectral about his gaze, something that roused an uncontrollable rage within you.

In a quickly unfolding series of events, you yanked your hand away from Aonung's iron grip.

Your blood was boiling at that point, and you immediately raised your fists in a fighter's stance that you learned from Jake, barely containing the volcanic fury surging through your veins.

With admittedly impressive speed and precision, you unleashed a brutal punch that connected with Aonung's cheekbone.

Caught off guard, he stumbled back, visibly dazed from the sudden, forceful attack.

However, you weren't anywhere close to being done with him. The torrential outburst had clouded your perception of time; the seconds stretched and warped until you found yourself throwing not one but two more punches straight into Aonung's disoriented face.

Finally succumbing to the unanticipated onslaught, Aonung faltered under the weight of it all, stumbling and falling on his dumb blue ass with an unceremonious thud.

He looked utterly ridiculous, sprawled across the beach like a fish out of water, his eyes wider than saucers and his mouth agape in sheer bewilderment.

You were so caught up in your victory and the satisfying adrenaline rush that you didn't even register Kiri's voice from behind you, urgently shouting, "Come on, that's enough!"

You had somehow slipped into your own world, built upon cathartic violence, utterly oblivious to the outside stimuli.

Further down the shoreline, the figures of Lo'ak and Neteyam were barely visible as they sprinted toward the scene of the skirmish. But once again, you remained unaffected by their presence and continued to stand your ground, reveling in your well-deserved triumph over Aonung and his ugly arrogance.

With fury still surging through your body, you leaped onto Aonung, who remained rooted to the spot and utterly petrified by the suddenness of your attack.

In one swift motion, you seized hold of his queue with a forceful grip, the fingers of your other hand coiling into a fist as you readied yourself to pummel him once more. A sense of sadistic humor coursed through your veins as you imagined the damage you could inflict.

However, just as your fist was about to make contact, you felt a strong set of hands grabbing onto your arms.

With surprising ease, you were lifted up and away from Aonung's body, leaving you momentarily disoriented.

As your vision cleared, you came to the realization that it was none other than Neteyam who had thwarted your assault and, with his characteristic swiftness, managed to usher you back onto your feet.

However, as far as you were concerned, the fight was not over; if anything, being interrupted had only stoked the flames of your anger toward that insufferable little skxawng even further.

You struggled in Neteyam's unyielding grasp, unleashing a fierce snarl as you reached out helplessly toward Aonung again.

"Just ten more seconds," you thought to yourself.

That's how little time it would take for you to mete out the sweet vengeance you so desperately craved.

Amidst this struggle, a trickle of laughter began bubbling up within you. You couldn't quite pinpoint if it was due to the absurdity of the entire situation, suddenly bordering on comedic, or simply because you knew what would happen if you managed to break free from Neteyam's hold.

But alas, Neteyam showed little inclination to release his irritated captive as he attempted to prevent an all-out brawl.

"Mawey, y/n. Mawey," Neteyam pleaded softly in your ear, altering his grip from your flailing arms to around your waist, essentially hoisting you off your feet and dragging you away from the bruised and battered boy that you remained intent on hurting.

"I will kill him," you hissed menacingly.

Neteyam's grip instantly tightened–he seemed determined to restrain you and prevent any further chaos.

In a low, soothing voice into your ear, he retorted, "No, you won't."

Under normal circumstances, if you had not been quite so consumed by seething rage, you might've noticed the flutters of excitement in the pit of your stomach as Neteyam's velvety voice caressed your ear, sending the heat of his breath tingling down your neck. Alas, you were consumed by unbridled fury.

Meanwhile, back at the center of the conflict, Lo'ak was engaged in a heated exchange with one of Aonung's friends. With an aggressive shove to the chest, Lo'ak sent the kid stumbling backward.

Naturally, this act of provocation led to a retaliatory shove from the offending boy. The tension in the air thickened as another fight seemed imminent.

However, as though summoned by divine intervention (or just sheer nosiness), Jake and Tonowari burst onto the scene from where they had been residing further down the shore. They hastily made their way over to the contentious group–eager to discover what upheaval you all had gotten up to.

You muttered a curse under your breath, knowing that you really stepped in it this time.

Jake had explicitly instructed you and his children to steer clear of trouble, particularly any sort of mischief that might land them all in hot water.

Yet there you were, having done the complete opposite—you'd gone and beat the living daylight out of the chief's son.

Neteyam, well aware of your obvious distress, gently squeezed your waist in a reassuring manner. He looked at you with an air of confidence that somehow assured you everything would be okay. "I'll take care of it," he boldly declared.

As he finally released his reassuring grip on your middle, you couldn't deny how much you immediately missed the warmth and comfort it provided. The sudden void left by the absence of contact struck you like a bucket of cold water on a chilly morning. Shaking your head, you attempted to dismiss those inconvenient thoughts from your mind.

"No," you began with a sigh, exasperation creeping into your tone. "You didn't even do anything."

It was practically Neteyam's full-time job–swooping in like a hero to rescue anyone and everyone, whether it was his brother or his sisters or yourself.

It was as if he just couldn't help himself; he had to take the bullet every single time (yikes). It was both endearing and frustrating in equal measure.

His behavior had to stem from some kind of savior complex—you swore you could see through it all.

You knew the reason behind his rescue missions was simply the immense pressure his father put on him. Being the eldest child in the family, Neteyam bore the weight of his father's expectations on his shoulders every single day.

"It doesn't matter," Neteyam murmured dismissively, cutting off any further attempts at discussion. He slipped in front of you and made his way toward the unfolding scene with determination written all over his face.

Left behind, standing helplessly amidst dust motes that swirled where he once stood mere seconds ago, and your words still trapped halfway up your throat, you couldn't do anything but blink at his retreating back.

Upon returning to the Sully family's marui pod, you, Neteyam, and Lo'ak stood apprehensively as Jake began to furiously pace in front of you.

Lo'ak was clearly pissed off. He clutched his arm with a vice-like grip, attempting to appear wounded.

You nearly rolled your eyes at the sight. With a grin threatening to break across your face, you had to avert your gaze from the boy to avoid making an untimely scene.

You knew that he wasn't injured in the slightest. One of Aonung's friends had barely shoved him moments earlier.

You suspected he was just putting on a show to earn some sympathy from his father and possibly receive a lighter scolding.

In all honesty, Jake shouldn't have had to yell at anyone but you. If Jake were to hold anyone accountable for the recent chaos, it should have been you. After all, you were the one who threw the first punch, dishing out a humble thrashing to Aonung that would undoubtedly give him pause before stirring up trouble again.

Jake continued his relentless pacing back and forth like a caged animal. It was making you dizzy.

The atmosphere in the marui pod was thick with tension as each step echoed ominously throughout the room. Finally, Jake could contain his frustration no longer.

"What was the one thing I asked? The one thing?!" He stopped abruptly and turned to face the trio of teenagers, awaiting a response like a teacher expecting students to provide an answer to their query.

"Stay out of trouble," Lo'ak muttered with an air of resignation. He barely managed to finish uttering those words before Jake was upon you all again with all the vigor and authority of a seasoned marine.

"Stay out of trouble," he repeated mockingly. "Right."

Amidst the palpable tension in the room, Neteyam bravely took a step forward with his hands raised, eager to defuse the situation like the textbook definition of the golden child that he was.

Clearing his throat, he began, "It was my fault—" But Jake was unyielding. He was not having any of that bullshit.

Infuriated by the mere thought of Neteyam trying to shoulder the blame when it clearly wasn't his mess to carry, Jake cut him off with a fiery glare.

"Oh, I don't think so," Jake chided, pointing a finger at Neteyam.

The sudden shift in energy made Neteyam visibly gulp. He sucked in his cheeks and averted his gaze, quickly realizing that retreat was his best course of action.

"You gotta stop taking the heat for these knuckleheads!" Jake continued. With that said, he pointed his accusatory finger at you and Lo'ak.

Lo'ak's eyebrows shot up and furrowed, causing deep creases between them, as his mouth hung open in disbelief at being pigeonholed as the troublemaker.

He was fully aware that he hadn't been the one behind the afternoon's events–not this time around anyway, as surprising as it may have seemed.

You, too, were fully aware that Lo'ak didn't instigate the fight. You weren't about to let him take the heat for your own misbehavior.

You quickly extended a protective hand in front of Lo'ak, meeting his eye before turning back to face Jake.

"No, Lo'ak had nothing to do with this. It was my fault, seriously. I started it." You admitted.

Jake's eyes shut tight upon hearing your confession, and he expelled an exasperated sigh, heavy with frustration. Deep down, you knew that you were about to get it.

"y/n," he began, finally opening his eyes and turning his full attention towards you with an air of bewilderment. "You got some good hits in, I'll give you that," He paused momentarily before continuing with a mixture of astonishment and disappointment in his voice, "But the chief's son? Do you have any idea what Tonowari could've done to us? What the hell were you thinking, kid?"

You visibly winced as Jake's words hit you like a ton of bricks. He definitely had a valid point there.

The truth was that you hadn't been thinking—not one bit.

All you could recall was Aonung taunting Kiri without an ounce of remorse and then getting all up in your personal space like he had the right to. That was enough for you to see nothing but red.

In that heated moment, the thought of potential consequences flew right over your head. It was as though any semblance of logic had temporarily eluded you.

As you mentally retraced the earlier events that had unfolded before your eyes, you finally dwelled on the severity of the situation.

You didn't consider how your reckless actions could have jeopardized not only your own safety but also that of the Sullys, potentially resulting in their sudden eviction from their newfound home—a home they had fought so hard to earn a place in.

The full gravity of your reckless act hung heavily on your shoulders, like an enormous boulder strapped to your back.

"I'm really sorry, sir," you uttered with undeniable sincerity in your tone.

You tried to maintain eye contact with Jake, but the guilt in your stomach compelled you to anxiously dart your gaze away. The overwhelming shame gnawed at your conscience relentlessly.

Jake, sensing your unease, heaved a heavy sigh once again.

It wasn't lost on you that Jake was treating you far more gently than he would have treated either of his own sons had they been in this situation. This realization only doubled the weight on your shoulders.

At that moment, you felt like an unwanted appendix to their family unit—a burden they never should have taken in.

They didn't have to offer you a place in their home after your parents' deaths, nor did they have to take you with them while they sought uturu with the Metkayina. And yet, they did. And how did you repay their boundless generosity? With this…shitshow.

You found yourself longing for Jake's anger and reprimand instead of the current watered-down scolding he was dishing you. But Jake, obstinately persistent as ever, didn't indulge your desire for absolution through shouting.

As if trying to reach out into your thoughts, he leaned down in an attempt to align his gaze with your line of vision. His hope was to establish eye contact and facilitate a genuine conversation.

His attempts proved futile, though, as he failed to catch your darting eyes. Jake's face scrunched with genuine concern.

Delving further into the matter at hand, he gently inquired, "Why'd you hit him, y/n? Did he do something to you?" His brows knitted into a look of utmost concern, clearly desperate for an explanation that could offer a semblance of understanding as to why you went crazy on the chief's son.

The mere thought of the incident was enough to make your blood surge with fury again.

It occurred to you that you hadn't actually filled Neteyam or Lo'ak in on the details of what had transpired before your little scuffle. The three of you had been too busy being unceremoniously dragged back to the marui pod with your tails between your legs.

With clenched fists, you looked down to see your knuckles–red and battered–for the first time since the confrontation.

The visualized memory of your punches landing on Aonung's face brought you a mix of satisfaction and disgust.

"Aonung wouldn't leave Kiri alone," you spat out, a hint of bitter resentment in your tone. "He kept picking on her and called her a freak."

A brief pause allowed another wave of anger to wash over you.

"And then he started being all gross towards me," you continued. "He grabbed my hand, and I just…reflexed... I guess."

Despite the gravity of the situation, Lo'ak snickered at your choice of words, clearly amused by how casually you downplayed the severity with which you'd beat the actual shit out of Aonung.

Lo'ak's joy was short-lived due to the sudden and simultaneous glare from both Jake and Neteyam that pierced straight through his amusement like a sharp spear.

Jake slowly directed his attention back towards you, lowering his tall frame to match your height.

It was a comical sight as he contorted himself into a near-squatting pose. You hesitantly lifted your eyes to meet Jake's, and to your surprise, you found a warm, gentle smile gracing his stern features.

His eyes held pools of gratitude as he gently placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder, providing a solid anchor to steady your quivering soul.

"Thank you," Jake said softly, his voice laced with sincere gratitude.

You stared at him in confusion.

Why the hell was Jake thanking you when you almost got them all booted off the island like unwanted baggage?

Searching for an explanation, you let out an involuntary, bewildered "huh?" that accurately represented your current state of mind.

The sheer candidness of your reaction brought forth a chuckle that Jake tried hard to suppress. He seemed bemused by your baffled demeanor and swiftly decided to put an end to the suspense.

"For standing up for my daughter," Jake explained, his eyes twinkling with a hint of mischief. "And for putting that little rascal in his rightful place," he added with a smug expression.

Listening to Jake's heartfelt acknowledgment warmed your soul.

Your lips parted as they inched from ear to ear in sync with Jake's own radiant grin, happy that you had stood up for what mattered when it counted the most.

As his words washed over you like a soothing balm, an immaterial weight had seemingly lifted from your chest–one that you hadn't even known had been weighing down on you so heavily until that very moment.

Jake stretched to his full height, puffing out his chest as he authoritatively placed his hands on his hips. He fixed his gaze on his two sons, who exchanged wary glances with each other.

He took a deep breath before delivering his unexpected command.

"Go make peace with Aonung," he said to his boys, nodding firmly as if trying to convince himself of the wisdom of his decision.

Lo'ak's jaw dropped. "What?" he blurted out, his head lurching forward in disbelief.

Jake scowled at Lo'ak's unrestrained backtalk.

You shifted uncomfortably beside Lo'ak, feeling an inexplicable sense of camaraderie. Why should they go make peace with the enemy?

Exasperation danced across Jake's face as he ran a weary hand over it, trying to collect himself for the explanation that was unnecessarily demanded.

"Listen," he began, sounding more than a bit frustrated. "I don't care how you do it. Just go make sure y/n doesn't have to beat up any more of those guys."

Jake did a terrible job of disguising the wide grin that threatened to split his face in half as he glanced back toward you.

You could already tell that you would never live this down.

Neteyam, with a determined expression on his face, nodded firmly at his father's request. "Yes, sir," he replied dutifully.

Lo'ak, however, couldn't have been more displeased, and his disapproval was all too apparent. Neteyam took hold of Lo'ak's arm and practically had to drag him out of the pod.

Jake watched his eldest son in approval, grateful that at least one of his boys was on the same wavelength as him.

With a look of satisfaction, he turned back to you and jerked his head in the direction his two sons had disappeared. "You should go find Kiri," he suggested. "She's by the shore with Neytiri."

You nodded obediently and spun around to exit the pod yourself. But before you managed to get very far, Jake called out to you with a severity that betrayed how truly important he saw your errand.

His facial expression shifted into solemn seriousness. "I mean it, y/n," he insisted. "I appreciate you standing up for my baby girl."

A sad smile played across Jake's features as he added, "She's… she hasn't been having the easiest time adjusting to our new life here."

That fact was not lost on you.

You'd spent countless hours listening attentively to Kiri's impassioned rants about how much she despised their new reef home–a place that just made her feel even more alienated than she did back in the forest.

"Of course," you replied hesitantly, not entirely sure of what else to say in the situation.

It was obvious to anyone who knew you well that you'd risk your life for Kiri's sake in a heartbeat. After all, the minor danger you faced today was absolutely insignificant compared to what you'd do for your friend.

Jake's smile never wavered. He playfully ruffled your hair as if you were a little kid needing reassurance, causing you to let out an exasperated groan. He was such a dad.

"Alright, get outta here," Jake ordered as laughter danced within his voice, his demeanor that of a caring father.

You didn't need to be told twice. You hastily exited the pod while simultaneously trying your best to tame your tousled hair, which now resembled a bird's nest caught in a storm.

Immediately after stepping outside the pod, you noticed Neteyam and Lo'ak still lingering nearby, definitely not 'making peace' with Aonung.

Lo'ak was leaning against the marui pod, wearing an expression that screamed boredom, while Neteyam appeared quite preoccupied.

He practically had the entire side of his head glued to the pod as he clearly tried to eavesdrop on your conversation with Jake.

With a shake of your head, you faced the brothers directly, amusement twinkling in your eyes.

You cleared your throat and shot a sort of 'what the hell?' look at Neteyam, who was quick to whip his head toward you. He backed away from the pod, feigning ignorance.

You narrowed your eyes at him, demanding an explanation with a simple "Um?"

As if on cue, Lo'ak decided that this would be the perfect time to point out the painfully obvious.

"He was trying to listen in on your conversation," he declared as if the revelation would be of immense assistance.

The unwelcome input earned him a fierce glare from Neteyam, who was not at all pleased with his brother's willingness to rat him out.

You couldn't help but roll your eyes in exasperation as you regarded the two siblings.

"No shit, Lo'ak." you retorted bitingly, your voice dripping with sarcasm. "But why?" This time, your probing inquiry was directed squarely at Neteyam as you sought to get to the bottom of his mysterious behavior.

Despite his earlier nonchalance, Neteyam hesitantly stepped forward with newfound concern etched into his expression.

"You said that Aonung grabbed your hand?" He inquired, his eyes a concoction of fury and worry.

You stared at Neteyam because, yes, you had said that already, and he clearly heard you.

"Yes," you replied, your voice flat and unamused.

Neteyam narrowed his eyes and cautiously stepped closer, tilting his head down to lock gazes with you before forging ahead. "And you said he was being gross? Like… he was trying to come onto you?"

The mere memory of Aonung's behavior sent shivers down your spine.

It wasn't the first time that you had been on the receiving end of Aonung's unwelcome advances since arriving on the island, but you could cope with that. The real issue arose when Aonung decided to mess with someone dear to you—someone like Kiri.

A new wave of hatred washed over you at the memory of your encounter.

Despite the brewing storm within your soul, you attempted to shake off Neteyam's concern. You really didn't want to keep thinking about Aonung's sorry fish ass.

"Yes, Neteyam, that's what I said. But it's not a big deal. I was more concerned about Kiri. And I'm actually supposed to be checking on her right now, so…" You widened your eyes, shooting Neteyam a somewhat comical, unimpressed look before attempting to step around him and head off towards the shoreline.

Just as you were about to make your way past him, you felt a hand on your arm, halting your escape. You followed the blue-striped appendage upwards, your eyes finally meeting Neteyam's sheepish expression.

He appeared mortified by his own actions and quickly released his grip on your arm as though he had just touched a burning hot flame.

"S-Sorry," he stammered awkwardly. "I shouldn't have grabbed you like that after… he… agh!… Sorry."

He was quick to apologize, wincing at his misstep, and the regret in his voice was palpable. He stumbled over his words like someone trudging through the densest of forests.

You rolled your eyes at Neteyam's sudden hesitance to lay a finger on you—he was never weary about touching you.

It was evident that he was attempting to be considerate after you had just given Aonung a thorough beating for having the audacity to grab your hand. Nonetheless, in your perspective, there was a world of difference between Aonung's intrusive touch and Neteyam's gentle one.

Feeling the need to clarify the situation, you addressed Neteyam and reassured him with a lighthearted tone, "You're allowed to touch me, 'Teyam."

Observing his reaction, you grinned at the burst of relief that spread across his face. He let out a hasty exhale that almost sounded like a muted sigh, lively nodding along to your comforting words.

Beside him, Lo'ak, who had still been casually leaning against the side of the hut, let out a snort that echoed through the air.

"Gross," he scoffed with an exaggerated grimace on his face.

Pushing off the hut, he strode towards Neteyam, the mischievous glint in his eyes combined with his devilish grin betraying his intentions.

"You're allowed to touch me whenever you want, 'Teyam," Lo'ak teased in a ridiculous falsetto as he approached Neteyam from behind.

With an exaggerated flair, he reached out and squeezed his brother's arms in a sarcastic display of affection. His lips formed an overly dramatic pout as he pushed them in Neteyam's direction.

The moment barely lasted before Lo'ak folded over in a fit of laughter, clearly amused by his own antics. His cheeky grin spread from ear to ear as he struggled to catch his breath between guffaws.

Neteyam was not as amused.

With narrowed eyes and a sour expression, he tried not to relent to Lo'ak's antics. His patience wore thin until he finally let out an irritated hiss directly at Lo'ak, who was still bent over laughing.

In an attempt to regain some dignity and escape Lo'ak's relentless teasing, Neteyam shoved him away, sending him stumbling several feet back in the process.

As Neteyam struggled to compose himself after being put on display for your amusement due to the constant tormenting of his mischief mongerer of a brother, a deep shade of purple bloomed across his cheeks–evidence of his mixed feelings of embarrassment and annoyance.

It was obvious that he was trying hard not to lose his composure over the incident.

To avoid any further humiliation from the spectacle, Neteyam shook his head and directed his gaze away from you–seeking solace in staring intently at anything else but you.

A blush crept up your face, the hue coordinating with Neteyam's purpling cheeks.

You did not sound like that.

Desperate to distract yourself from the situation, you decided to change your focus to the little jokester, who was still laughing at his brother. You feigned an abrupt lunge toward him.

Lo'ak, completely caught off guard, flinched embarrassingly hard and muttered a terrified 'shit' under his breath.

You shook your head at his overreaction, pushing past the suddenly skittish Lo'ak, who swiftly hid behind his brother in fear.

Ignoring the commotion behind you, you focused on moving toward the shore to find Kiri.

As you made your way towards the water's edge, you called over your shoulder with a cunning grin, "Let me know if Aonung has one, or two black eyes." You teased with a smirk playing at your lips, the playful taunt drifting off into the air as you walked away.

Lo'ak shook his head incredulously at your retreating figure before turning back to Neteyam, who was still sporting a deep blush from ear to ear.

Lo'ak just couldn't help himself.

"Bro. Your girlfriend is scary as fuck." Lo'ak said with a shudder, nudging Neteyam in the ribs as if to underscore his point. Despite the teasing tone, there was a hint of genuine fright in his voice.

Neteyam started to form a reply, "She's not—," but he caught himself, letting out an exasperated groan instead.

Thoroughly annoyed by his brother's relentless poking into his… whatever it was he had with you, he decided it was time for a little distance. With a quick shove to get Lo'ak off him, Neteyam moved away with purpose, intent on finding Aonung and getting the whole thing over with.

Naturally, Lo'ak was not one to accept defeat so easily. Hastily regaining his balance, he broke into a light jog and quickly caught up to Neteyam's side.

The playful smirk on Lo'ak's face betrayed the fact that he wasn't quite ready to let the situation go.

"She's not what?" Lo'ak inquired, feigning innocence but definitely not done being a little shit. "Not your girlfriend, or not scary? 'Cause I'm pretty sure she's at least one of those."

The corners of Neteyam's mouth threatened to betray a grin at the absurdity of the conversation.

Instead of acknowledgment, though, he fixed a determined glare at Lo'ak, hoping that if he couldn't escape through physical distance, maybe stony silence would do the trick.

Despite his seemingly relaxed demeanor, Neteyam found himself battling an internal storm as he recalled the day's events.

Before his awkward fumble with you, he had been trying to decipher what had transpired between you and Aonung on the beach. He wanted to know what could have provoked you enough to attack Aonung the way you did.

As you recounted the events to him earlier, you confessed that Aonung had invaded your personal space, said gross things to you, and even gone as far as grabbing your hand unprovoked.

The mere thought of that skxawng purposefully making you uncomfortable boiled Neteyam's blood. He felt the rage surge within him.

On the outside looking in, it was plain as day that you and Neteyam shared a close bond–you were best friends through and through.

And yet, that knowledge did little to quell the overpowering sense of possessiveness that engulfed Neteyam at the thought of another guy trying to woo you.

Undoubtedly, you were remarkably beautiful; anyone with eyes could see that.

Neteyam was allowed to think of his best friend as beautiful.

It was more than just your physical allure, though. You were so passionate about everything you held dear. Your closest friends, the group of orphaned children that you looked after back in the forest–you cared for them all with burning intensity.

Your dedication to your warrior training was unmatched, even by Neteyam himself. You strived fiercely to master every skill and overcome each challenge in your path. Even your penchant for engaging in spirited conversations about the most random, mundane day-to-day things–you were an enigma that never ceased to captivate.

Coupled with a genuinely warm heart and a razor-sharp wit, you instantaneously charmed anyone in your presence. Your fiery temperament often erupted when things heated up, making it clear that you were never one to back down from a challenge–an attribute Neteyam secretly cherished.

If anything, you seemed too cool for someone like him. And yet, he couldn't help but find himself utterly enamored with every aspect of your character.

There wasn't a thing that he disliked about you.

However, all those emotions were normal because you and he were friends. It was only natural for him to appreciate the characteristics that made you who you were.

And, of course, others admired those same traits in you too, which was exactly why you had such a large circle of friends. Even other guy-friends.

Like his brother, for example.

It was okay that Neteyam felt a little more than just a twinge of jealousy when he’d notice Lo'ak being extra touchy with you. When he'd grab your wrist and go all mushy trying to convince you to re-braid his hair or re-shave the side of his head, knowing that you'd be gentler while doing so than Neytiri typically was.

Or when Lo'ak would virtually throw himself on top of you, insisting on sharing a hammock just because you managed to snatch the last vacant one.

And you would give in to him every single time, despite your feigned annoyance, because you were just that kind of person.

Though Neteyam gritted his teeth at you two in silent disapproval, he repeatedly convinced himself that it was entirely within the bounds of how two friends were allowed to act. You choosing to share a hammock with Lo'ak was just a good-natured deed from someone who looked out for the best interests of their friends. Nothing more than innocent camaraderie.

His blood boiled on another level when he heard that Aonung had laid a hand on you.

But surely, he thought, that feeling of burning rage encapsulating his heart was nothing more than the completely wholesome, totally platonic loyalty and devotion one naturally felt for their best friend.

That was what normal platonic friendships were all about, right?

With a sudden, fluid motion, Lo'ak interrupted Neteyam's mental meanderings by waving a hand in front of his face.

Lo'ak couldn't help but chuckle at the bizarre sight before him. It looked like Neteyam was trying to mentally communicate with an invisible force.

Addressing his brother with a bemused look, Lo'ak asked, "Bro, are you good? You looked like you were having a stroke or something."

Neteyam blinked a few times before the reality of the situation dawned on him.

In truth, Neteyam thought that no, he probably wasn't anywhere close to being okay. He was probably definitely teetering on the edge of an existential crisis centered around his best friend.

Due to the current turmoil raging in his mind, speech was an almost impossible feat for Neteyam to achieve; instead, a cascade of words just kind of tumbled out without any consultation from his overwhelmed brain.

"What do you…I mean, y/n? How do you see her?" stammered Neteyam, catching Lo'ak completely off guard.

Well, maybe not completely.

Lo'ak wasn't surprised to find that Neteyam was thinking about you. There was seemingly no waking moment where you weren't occupying some corner of his thoughts.

Despite this knowledge, it still struck Lo'ak as strange that Neteyam would suddenly ask him about you as if they regularly talked about stuff like girls together.

Lo'ak's eyebrow arched upward in an unmistakable display of confusion. "What do you mean, how do I see y/n?" He asked, genuinely baffled by the seemingly random question.

Neteyam, typically stoic and composed, responded with an unceremonious shrug.

It was an odd departure from his usual tall stance and confident posture–a constant reminder to all that he was the epitome of the perfect warrior son.

But this time, Neteyam couldn't quite meet Lo'ak's gaze directly. Instead of meeting Lo'ak with his usual steadfastness, Neteyam's eyes wandered down toward the ground between them as though the answer to his question was lying somewhere in the dusty sand.

Grumbling under his breath, Neteyam muttered, "I mean. Do you see her as a sister, or just a friend, or…. something more, I guess?" His words trailed off, uncertainty permeating every syllable.

Momentarily taken aback by the probing question, Lo'ak fell silent for a few seconds as he mulled over the implications of Neteyam's question.

Sure, Lo'ak thought you were cool–no dispute there–and you and he were definitely friends. Maybe not as tightly knit as you were with Neteyam or Kiri, but you and Lo'ak still shared a fair share of bonding moments.

You would often join Lo'ak and Spider on their daring expeditions into the heart of the forest–a pastime you all knew would've been strictly forbidden if Neteyam had ever found out.

There was no denying that Lo'ak definitely cared about you; maybe it wasn't the same affection one might have for a sister (he'd be lying to himself if he said that he didn't think y/n was attractive). Still, it wasn't exactly in the realm of romance either.

Lo'ak knew all too well that Neteyam would skin him alive if he even thought about liking you in that way.

The mental image of Neteyam's incensed reaction brought forth an involuntary snicker from Lo'ak.

Neteyam noticed his brother's amusement and responded with a furrowed brow, clearly unimpressed by whatever had caused Lo'ak to laugh. His expression was stern and moody, prompting Lo'ak to quickly alleviate any suspicions Neteyam might have formed.

"y/n is my friend. You already know that." He reassured his older brother, "She grew up with us."

Neteyam slowly nodded his head, not entirely convinced but willing to let the matter slide for now. However, his gaze seemed distant and preoccupied, as if there were thoughts weighing heavily on his mind.

His eyes glazed over ever so slightly as he retreated further into his own mind, leaving an eerie silence hanging between them.

After the silence stretched between them for a few tense seconds too long, it became apparent that Neteyam wouldn't divulge whatever was troubling him without some prodding on Lo'ak's part.

With an exaggerated sigh for dramatic effect and a hint of mischievous humor twinkling in his eyes, Lo'ak decided to press further.

"Alright then," he began nonchalantly, "since we're already on the subject… how do you see y/n?" He couldn't resist adding a teasing tone as he posed the question.

Upon hearing the question, Neteyam instantly stiffened, his head tilting downward in a reflexive motion that allowed his braids to form a protective curtain over his face.

That particular mannerism was all too familiar to Lo'ak, who had observed his brother resort to the same tactic countless times as a defensive response.

With a quick shrug, Neteyam muttered out a barely audible and very unconvincing, "I don't know."

Lo'ak narrowed his eyes at his brother's feeble attempt at nonchalance, not buying into the performance at all. He'd known for a while about the depth of Neteyam's feelings towards you–clearly way more than just friendly affection.

The truth grew glaringly obvious with each passing day; however, Lo'ak had been aware of the emotional connection for years.

"Yeah, that's bullshit," Lo'ak responded, shaking his head at his brother's clear dodge. "You wouldn't have asked me if you didn't know."

Neteyam released a frustrated sigh tinged with annoyance at how effortlessly his brother could read him.

Their mother often warned Neteyam that he wore his heart on his sleeve and couldn't mask his emotions if he tried. She knew this because Neteyam was like a carbon copy of herself. Those words had always frightened him—being exposed like that—but deep down, he knew she was right.

Neteyam had a conflicted look on his face as he hesitantly shared his thoughts with his brother.

"I think I see y/n differently," Neteyam confessed, his words shrouded in ambiguity.

Lo'ak, despite the vagueness of the statement, nodded slowly, urging his brother to elaborate.

Neteyam somehow found the courage to continue. "I probably think about her too much to say I see her as just a friend. Definitely not like a sister either," he added with a grimace, visibly repulsed by the thought as he shook his head.

Lo'ak laughed at Neteyam's reaction, provoking a playful, yet forceful shove from his brother.

Regaining his balance after the mild assault, Lo'ak clasped a hand onto Neteyam's shoulder with a lighthearted grin.

"You should really tell her, bro," he suggested earnestly.

Neteyam's eyes widened in alarm at the proposal, and he instinctively whirled his head in his brother's direction.

In doing so, his braids followed suit with their own whipping motion.

Lo'ak narrowly dodged the unexpected barrage of hair, squinting his eyes and leaning away just in time.

"Or not…" he mumbled, lowering his voice as he witnessed the sheer panic etched across Neteyam's face.

Neteyam shook his head vehemently, unable to understand how Lo'ak could actually propose such an insane idea.

"No way. Y/n doesn't think of me like that," he adamantly stated.

And really, how could you? The bond between you and Neteyam stretched back as far as either of you could remember—inseparable partners in mischief and life.

You grew up side by side, practically joined at the hip; you were a constant presence in his life. You'd seen each other through thick and thin, weathered all of life's storms together. You'd stood by him through every uneven haircut and awkward phase he went through, a true testament to your unwavering friendship.

He vividly remembered how when he was thirteen, you were the shoulder he leaned on after receiving a particularly harsh scolding from his father. You'd enfolded him in your arms, even as hot tears trailed down his cheeks and onto your hair. The sheer agony and embarrassment of it all seemed insurmountable at the time, but somehow your reassuring embrace made it bearable.

In recent times, you had borne witness to Neteyam's continual fumbles in your presence.

More often than not, they ended with him stumbling over his words around you, or being caught staring at you, or going all flustered when you'd make eye contact with him.

It was genuinely sad.

But above all else, Neteyam didn't even have the title of future olo'eyktan anymore since their move to the reef. Now he was just Neteyam.

Nothing more. Nothing special. With so many other potential suitors living on Pandora, all eager to win your favor and heart, why would you settle for him?

Lo'ak stared at his brother with a deadpan expression, evenly poised between amusement and annoyance. "I really can't tell if you're just trying to be humble or if you're actually that stupid," he said, his voice genuine.

He paused for a moment, taking in the affronted expression on Neteyam's face, before continuing. "I mean, come on! You're obviously in love with y/n, and y/n is obviously in love with you, so… what's the big issue here?"

Neteyam's eyes narrowed in disbelief as he prepared to assure Lo'ak that you were definitely not in love with him, but before he could get a word out of his dumbstruck mouth, the sound of rustling leaves and light footsteps interrupted their conversation.

Both brothers froze, ears perking up in attention as they caught the unmistakable chime of a familiar giggle.

Out from the protective confines of a low-hanging bunch of leaves came their little sister, a mischievous grin plastered on her tiny face.

"I knew it!" sang Tuk in a teasing melody as she skipped towards Neteyam and grasped his arm with a vice-like grip.

Jumping up and down with seemingly boundless energy, she reveled in her newly discovered knowledge.

Neteyam's heart dropped like a stone when he realized the situation he had gotten himself into. His little sister was about as adept at keeping secrets as he was. Which wasn't good at all. Which meant that Neteyam was screwed.

He frantically attempted to shake his head 'no,' engaging in a futile bid to persuade his already-convinced sister of his supposed indifference towards you.

Overwhelmed by desperation, Neteyam tried to stifle Tuk's excitement by shushing her vigorously. "No, no, no. It's not like that, Tuk," he pleaded.

Neteyam gently placed his hand on Tuk's head, trying to still her bounciness.

She reluctantly stopped bouncing but couldn't wipe the enormous grin off her face, as if she had just discovered the world's biggest secret.

"Lo'ak is right!" Tuk exclaimed with glee. "You need to tell y/n that you're in love with her! Then you both can become mated, just like mom and dad! And after that, you can have a whole bunch of little kids like they did with us! You can name one of them after me!"

Lo'ak, who was standing nearby, stifled a snort at how eagerly and confidently Tuk had outlined Neteyam's entire life trajectory in a matter of seconds. He smirked as he watched Neteyam's reaction to their sister's wild imagination.

In stark contrast to Tuk's excitement, Neteyam's face glowed in embarrassment, caught completely off guard by the talk about him mating and having kids with you.

Determined to regain control of the conversation, Neteyam firmly placed his other hand on Tuk's shoulder and bent down a little so that he could look directly into her eyes.

Addressing her in the most serious tone he could muster, he stated: "Tuk, listen closely—I never said I was in love with y/n."

However, Tuk was unfazed by his denial and abruptly interrupted him.

With all the assertiveness a tiny eight-year-old could muster, she poked her small finger firmly into Neteyam's chest. Her eyes gleaming with mischief and a cheeky smile plastered on her face, she said slowly and with complete certainty, "But you are in love with her."

Letting out a long, exasperated sigh, Neteyam found he lacked the energy to even dispute Tuk's assertion. He'd never been much of a convincing liar anyway.

Instead, he decided to go for a different tactic by gently placing both of his hands on her shoulders and adopting a serious expression.

"You are not going to tell anyone about any of what you think you heard."

He put particular emphasis on the word 'think,' giving his sister a significant nod as though that would somehow engrain the words into her stubborn little mind.

"And especially not y/n," he quickly added, feeling his heart beat just a little faster at the thought of you discovering the alleged secret in such an embarrassingly unfortunate way.

Tuk dramatically rolled her eyes, evidently disgruntled by the unfair reality that she'd be unable to freely broadcast each and every one of her thoughts to anyone within earshot.

Still, she begrudgingly muttered her acquiescence with an insincere "Fine."

Yet, it was clear that she was still unhappy with the deal when she pointedly avoided meeting Neteyam's gaze while uttering her reluctant agreement.

Neteyam refused to take any chances with his sister.

He recognized the profound influence he had on Tuk as a sort of second father figure, but this only seemed to take effect when he adopted a grave demeanor.

Looking into her eyes with an air of utmost sincerity, he raised a finger and pointed it to her chest. His voice took on a more commanding tone, though only marginally harsher.

"I mean it, Tuk. Do you swear?" he inquired, extending his smallest finger in their customary gesture signifying an unbreakable promise.

The ritual dated back to their childhood days and had been passed down by their father.

For siblings Neteyam and Tuk, it symbolized the sacred bond between them. Tuk knew all too well that once she linked fingers with her brother, backing down was out of the question.

Upon seeing Neteyam's extended digit, she furrowed her brow in consternation.

She couldn't shake the memory of her other brother's vivid warning: Lo'ak had once gravely warned her that hundreds of little bugs would crawl into her ears in her sleep if a pinky promise were ever broken.

Sighing with visible reluctance, she hooked her small finger around Neteyam's larger one and mumbled an almost inaudible "I swear."

Neteyam's face immediately broke into a beaming smile upon hearing those decisive words. Breathing a sigh of relief as if he'd just prevented an impending catastrophe, he affectionately patted his sister on the head before straightening up to his full height, standing tall like a proud winner.

Crisis averted, he thought, though his mind continually strayed back to thoughts of you.

Deep down, he knew that the situation he found himself in was anything but over.

Next Part Here

#teyamskawng #teyamskxawng’s fics #neteyam x reader #neteyam x y/n #neteyam x you #neteyam fic #avatar #avatar james cameron #avatar the way of water #neteyam #atwow #avatar fic #avatar 2022 #neteyam sully #neteyam fanfiction

[sideprince]

Speaking of James, what do you think of him in the prequel + Lily’s letter? She mentioned him not having the chance to go on excursions without the cloak, despite them being in hiding.

I've been thinking about this question and funnily enough it came up in another post where I had a fun back and forth with @seriousbrat! I should probably preface my answer by saying that I haven't put that much thought into James or Lily in general, and I don't really spend time in the parts of the fandom that discuss them at length, so my thoughts are based on a cursory revisiting of the text. Some of what I say may be basic stuff for the Jily/Marauders/¯\_(ツ)_/¯ parts of the fandom, some of it may be stuff that has already been counter argued with points I haven't thought of, etc. This isn't my area of interest, but your question is interesting! Tl;dr proceed with caution I guess lol.

The first thing that comes to mind about the letter from Lily to Sirius is why she wrote it in the first place. My own reading of it is that it's meant to be exposition more than something that has to do with a thought out relationship between these characters. Like many others, I'm frustrated with the minimal and flat way Lily is written. We get very few insights into who she was, most of them through descriptions from other characters like Slughorn. To me it's clear that Rowling held back on her for the sake of the big reveal at the end of DH, and I think a lot of Lily's character development got thrown under the bus as a result. But it could also just be that Lily is writing a thank you to Sirius for Harry's birthday present and it was the only time she ever sent him anything, but in the process she's giving him an update since they know each other as well as anyone knows their spouse's best friend.

In her letter she writes:

James is getting a bit frustrated shut up here, he tries not to show it but I can tell - also, Dumbledore’s still got his Invisibility Cloak, so no chance of little excursions. If you could visit, it would cheer him up so much.

Deathly Hallows Ch. 10

Lily is showing a lot of sympathy for James here, while also acknowledging that if he had his Invisibility Cloak he would probably be sneaking out under it. I know that this implication is contentious across fandoms, and my own thoughts on it are: it falls within James' character to do something like that and be reckless, but while I think it's irresponsible and shitty, I also don't think he's satan incarnate for it, by any means. To me it - and how young James tends to be written - shows that he's an immature guy in a war where he spends most of his time shut up in a comfortable house instead of fighting (ie. his ideals aren't tested or challenged by trauma), and the first chance he gets to do something brave he forgets his wand on the couch and is immediately killed. I think James had very good intentions but kind of bad follow through.

In her letter, Lily is also asking Sirius to come visit to cheer James up, which I find strange, given the two men are such close friends. Why should Lily have to ask Sirius to visit? Are he and James not in touch? Or is Lily being thoughtful and identifying James needs and trying to meet them when he hasn't done so himself? Again, I think this letter is more about exposition, so I don't think there's any significant meaning here, just that the author was a bit careless. Lily then goes on to say:

Wormy was here last weekend, I thought he seemed down, but that was probably the news about the McKinnons; I cried all evening when I heard.

For me there's a conspicuous absence of any note referring to what a comfort James was. I talked about this in my other ask, but I think a lot of James, and as an extension his relationship with Lily, is the author's projection of her own experience in an abusive relationship and what she wishes it had been. That isn't to say I think James abused Lily, but rather that Rowling transferred some of her abusive husband's qualities onto James, while also projecting a fantasy of what she wished he had been onto the character too, ie. a devoted, loving father onto him who would - and did - die for his family. A lot of James' actions, mannerisms, and words - his arrogance, dismissiveness, and enjoyment of cruelty towards select people he has dehumanized - raises my own red flags as an abuse survivor. While I think he was a bully at school - and bullying is a form of abuse - I don't think he was abusive to his wife or child. I could draw a parallel with the phenomenon of the prison guard who enacts cruelty on his charges freely and then goes home and is a loving, doting husband and father who wouldn't hurt a fly, because he only abuses those he dehumanizes. Instead, though, what I think is going on is that Rowling is projecting a lot of her first husband onto James, and unconsciously and unintentionally leaving a trail of abuser red flags written into his character.

It hits hard for me that Lily is concerned enough about James, and empathetic enough of him, that she shares her worry about his frustration and cabin fever with his best friend, and asks him to come visit, because she wants to cheer James up - yet she makes no mention of James being a comfort to her when she spends all night crying about her friend being murdered. In short, Lily is identifying and attending to James' needs but we see no indication that this is reciprocated. It doesn't feel out of line for an abuse victim to describe a relationship like this, especially since it would be so simple to have added something like, "as difficult as it is being shut up in this cottage, it was a great comfort to have James that night."

It's odd to me that someone thoughtful enough to attend to their spouse's emotional needs would forgo expression appreciation for them doing the same, so my reading of this is that James doesn't provide Lily with the same kind of comfort. More importantly, it doesn't seem to be on Rowling's radar to mention how James reacted to his wife outright crying for a whole evening, which tracks with how a lot of abuse victims understand relationships, ie. it often doesn't occur to them that they should be reciprocal. And so, Rowling forgets to add in the bit where James offers Lily comfort, perhaps because it was something she lacked experience of and therefore didn't think to write. And while I feel the need to include the requisite statement of "fuck JKR and her transphobic, bigoted views" I also feel that despite that, I won't sink to her level and dehumanize others, and therefore feel it's still important to balance that view with sympathy for her experiences as an abuse victim.

As for the prequel, the implication seems to be that two muggle cops got in the middle of James and Sirius escaping from some Death Eaters. It's a fun little piece but also reveals that Rowling really benefits from having an editor, because the prose is overwrought and a bit clumsy. In terms of what it says about James' and Sirius' character, they don't seem at all concerned with violating the Statute of Secrecy in front of muggles, or with protecting those muggles from the three wizards who are presumably Death Eaters. James and Sirius were described by Rowling as "bad boys" and she talked about how this was something sexy that all women loved in men (which I find problematic for a number of reasons), however she doesn't seem to differentiate between youthful rebelliousness and selfish destructiveness. It's something Lupin talks about in PoA when he reflects on their youthful adventures. In any case, James and Sirius weren't rebellious - not in their bullying at school, not in their animagi nights, and not in the prequel. They weren't challenging an unfair authority or status quo, but instead were pursuing their own fun for fun's sake, and other people often get hurt, or come dangerously close to it.

In the prequel they leave the cops vulnerable and without defense with the three DEs who are knocked out and might be back on their feet any minute. Given that Death Eaters torture muggles for sport in canon, this seems like a careless and callous move. I also feel like the Phoenix shirts are a bit cheesy... Dumbledore would never? Is the idea that James and Sirius made the shirts themselves? Or is this just another clumsy literary device that exists for the sake of exposition but doesn't fit the characters all that well? I feel like if the Order did have some kind of gear with their emblem on it, it would be more subtle and also a bit more refined than a t-shirt. The idea of these besties wearing matching shirts is cute, it just feels out of character.

I'm not sure if this was the parallel you meant to draw or were asking about, but as to whether the prequel story takes place while James and Lily are in hiding, I don't think it does. James and Sirius are described as looking like they're in their "late teens" and this seems to be a pretty clear indication from the author that this is the age they're at. James and Lily are killed when they're 21, and they'd been in hiding for about a year according to @said-snape-softly's calcutations in this amazing post (though I need to adjust the timeline a bit because @saintsenara had some great thoughts too in this other post). So even if it was just a year or six months in between, I think the prequel story is set before James and Lily go into hiding.

#asks #long post

[sage-nebula]

More Thoughts™ about Tails spending time in Possum Springs to crash and burn for a little while post-Frontiers.

For this melding of the two worlds, Possum Springs would be part of the United Federation, and of course out in the boonies. Although it's an all-anthros town, it's still very near human cities and towns and as a result all the anthros there wear full outfits, pants included, even the guys. So when Tails got in the area he would pick up on the fact that he would be Judged™ for only wearing shoes, and would pick up an outfit. Might switch his running shoes for boots while he's in town (better to hike into the woods with), and I definitely see him with a denim jacket that patches can be sewn into (this would be important for later). Plus, denim jackets are very 90s, so it also fits in that sense.

He doesn't make it there right away. He really is optimistic about his ability to change and Become a Hero Instead of a Burden when he first sets out. But he realizes pretty quickly that you can't just go out and find crises to avert, and just wandering around isn't really making him feel better, and that's when the risk-taking behavior starts. And through some turn of events the Cyclone ends up needing maintenance when he's in the Possum Springs area, and he doesn't have the money to get the necessary parts he needs, but he's not about to call on Sonic for help, so he wanders into town to see if he can maybe do some work for someone to get some money so he can buy the parts he needs. And that's when he meets the squad (Gregg and Angus having not managed to make it to Bright Harbor yet), and spends a long while there, working at the Ol' Pickaxe with Bea, living either with Mae and her parents or with Gregg and Angus, and just . . . getting to exist and work through some stuff while also not having to be a super mature, responsible young hero.

a.k.a., he gets some time to just be burnt out for a while, doing stupid kid things, because he needs it.

Some thoughts on the relationships:

Mae: Mae definitely acts as a sort of cool big sis to Tails, similarly to how she does with Lori. My original thought is that he stays with Mae and her parents while he's in Possum Springs, but I'm not sure if her mom can handle that added financial stress lol. Anyway, Mae encourages Tails to do stupid immature things like walk along the power lines, shoplift things like pretzels to feed potentially rabid animals like rats and raccoons (and also possums but as Tails informs her those are not rabid), and mess around with the Fort Lucenne mall fountain to squirt passersby with water. She also struggles a lot with mental illness herself and so she passes along that she had journaling recommended to her and that it kind of helps sometimes. Oh, and she also teaches him how to wield a baseball bat. Mostly for breaking lightbulbs, but maybe also in self-defense if ever necessary. Tails definitely calls her "Maeday" after she tells him that used to be her nickname, and his jacket gets a patch of her "no entry" sign before he leaves town.

Gregg: I'm considering having Tails stay with Gregg and Angus instead because Gregg is an adult fox, and while Tails might feel a bit weird about being around another fox at first (the Foxeye Village villagers were not kind), Gregg is so enthusiastic and outgoing that it's hard for anyone not to warm up to him. Plus, as an adult fox, he knows all about what it's like to grow up as a fox and while he might be a bit insensitive about it sometimes ("Dude, how are you so small. I don't ever remember being that small") he means well and can relate to Tails in ways Tails' other friends back home can't necessarily, because . . . they're not foxes, so they don't get things like fox puberty, lmao. Like Mae, Gregg teaches Tails about doing crimes, albeit on the down-low from Angus. His crimes skill set includes picking locks, hotwiring cars (although Tails already knows this), and smashing lightbulbs with a baseball bat out back of the Snack Falcon. (Oh and also shoplifting food items from the Snack Falcon.) Gregg never had a little brother so he thinks it's super cool to be able to mentor Tails in stuff. Tails doesn't see Gregg as an older brother (he already has one), but it does feel so, so nice to have an older fox in his life that doesn't, you know, despise him. Tails gets an anarchy symbol patch in honor of Gregg on his jacket before he leaves town.

Angus: Canonically Angus is a computer nerd and so he and Tails would get along magnificently in that area. Angus would introduce Tails to Demontower and other computer games and Tails would definitely get hooked. Tails would offer to teach Angus how to do things like hack bank accounts (only of super rich people) because those are the crimes he knows and it would really help Gregg and Angus get to Bright Harbor (and thus is a worthy cause for crimes), but Gregg declines. However he does let Tails massively upgrade his computer, and Tails also massively upgrades the internet service in Possum Springs, so that's appreciated. Tails would feel guilty about doing crimes with Gregg when Angus doesn't appreciate the criminal activities, but it's kept on the DL and Tails isn't in a great headspace, so. The crimes happen anyway. Tails would have a lot of fun talking about science with Angus. Before he leaves town, Tails gets a top hat patch on his jacket, for Angus.

Bea: Bea gives Tails a job at the Ol' Pickaxe because even though she's pretty sure that would violate child labor laws . . . honestly she doesn't really care that much and they could use the help, and he proves he's capable enough, so. His job mostly involves doing house calls for things that need repair, like broken furnaces and the like. Yes, he does end up locked in the basement of that one lady's house. But thanks to Gregg teaching him how to pick locks, he gets himself out without fuss. Tails makes a similar mistake that Mae does in the game where, when he learns about Bea's troubles, he tries to come up with solutions to fix them. Like they're still employing the guy that (potentially) assaulted her, so why doesn't he just build a robot to do that work so they can fire the guy? This makes Bea angry, because the guy needs to provide for his family and it's not their fault he's a scumbag, and no one asked Tails to try to fix these problems, etc. So it's rough going at first. Eventually Tails does help Bea in a way she appreciates by setting up her laptop with an accredited online university and paying for her courses for four years, calling it The Prower Grant. (This money was stolen from more billionaires, but shhhhh, Bea doesn't need to know that.) Bea tries to refuse at first but Tails is like, hey, the classes are already all paid for, if you don't want to do the homework or anything you don't have to, buuuut . . . so she takes it. It's not the same as attending college and getting that experience, but it makes her dreams a little less out of reach. Before he leaves, Tails gets an ankh patch on his jacket, for her.

Lori: Tails bonds with Lori so much. While the others are all young adults, Lori is actually a kid like him (granted a few years older), so although they have wildly different interests (he's into STEM, she's into horror movies), they still click and enjoy hanging out together, whether it's up on the rooftops or laying out by the train tracks. Lori shows Tails how she likes to squish her little guys with the passing trains, he flies her up to one of the rooftops using his tails (and she nearly hyperventilates from how shocked she is when he picks her up but it's okay, she recovers), she shows him her horror movie concepts and he shows her the Cyclone. Lori's non-judgmental and kind of blasé about the trauma in her own life, so she's easy for him to talk to and relax with. When he leaves town he not only has half of a BFFs pendant while she has the other half, but he also has a tombstone patch on his jacket for her. While the other patches are on the back, this one is on the front, over his heart. (Friendship only.) They become penpals and send emails back and forth after he leaves.

Germ: Honestly, Germ's kind of a weird guy and Tails isn't sure what to make of him at first, but Germ is a guy who goes by a nickname instead of his real name most of the time (Germ Warfare instead of Jeremy Warton) like how Tails goes by Tails instead of Miles Prower, and he likes video games and trampolines and Tails also likes those things. Germ never pries into Tails' personal life or is even interested in that really, he just sees Tails is having a hard time and is like "you wanna jump on a trampoline for a while? you wanna play video games?" and you know what, Tails does. He doesn't get a patch for Germ at the end of it, but he does enjoy the time they have together regardless.

Mr Chazokov: Mae's old astronomy teacher who likes to hang out on the rooftops and look for dusk stars. Guess what, Tails also likes to hang out on rooftops and look for dusk stars. Mr Chazokov tells him all about the constellations and their different stories, and while Tails was always more interested in the science behind space, he learns to find appreciation in the beauty of the story of the stars, too. He also feels some kind of connection with the stories he learns of and the experiences he's had, though he's not really fully sure what that connection is. The stories of the constellations inspire him to get star patches for his jacket sleeves before he leaves.

Other things of note:

— Gregg and Mae definitely introduce Tails to their robot son out in the forest. As a surprise for them Tails fixes their robot son up so it works again, and also so that it can walk and even talk. He doesn't quite have the materials to make it less horrifying, though. They love it anyway. Gregg decides to try to talk Angus into letting it be ring bearer when they eventually get married.

— At some point, because he is Going Through It, when the young adults in the squad are treating him like the kid he is, Tails kind of . . . loses it and goes off about the things he's done and been through—fighting Eggman, saving Station Square from a nuke, being made to believe he watched his big brother get blown up in space, being made to believe he watched his big brother be killed by multiple enemies at once during a war, etc. This is met with the NitW-patented "Jeez" from Mae. And that's when Bea decides that Tails might be a kid, but also, have a special brownie. Angus is like "should we be giving that to him" and Bea's like "we'll keep an eye on him" and Gregg's like "if he can fight in a war he can have some substances under adult supervision" and Angus is like "fair point." (All of this gets filed under the Never Tell Sonic He Will Kill My New Friends file the next morning.)

— He sits in on band practice and becomes a big fan, since grunge rock is pretty close to punk rock, so their music is already in his favored tastes. He's impressed by Bea's drums program on her laptop and Mae's like "no, don't be impressed, don't reward her for that." He also plays around on Casey's old drums, and while he's not exactly a master drummer by the time he leaves town, he's passable.

— Town council fucking hates him at first for being an out-of-towner with no money, but they fucking love him after he fixes up the town's internet. They try to get him to stay when he leaves, but it doesn't work.

— He enjoys Selmers' poetry, and writes her little poems down in his journal so he can remember them.

— He fixes some metal over the ceiling in Lori's bedroom so the plaster doesn't fall on her when the trains go by at night anymore.

— He stays penpals with Lori after he leaves, but also, when Gregg and Angus finally get married, he gets an invite to their wedding, and brings Sonic along with him as a +1 so he can introduce his big bro to all his Possum Springs friends 😌 (although he makes sure to tell them to keep all the crimes and other stupid kid bullshit he got up to on the DL lol Sonic doesn't need to know about all that)

(though Sonic still feels some kind of way by seeing an older yellow fox playfully scruffing Tails and giving him noogies and such. he doesn't say anything about it, but. hmm. he doesn't like it.)

— Once he goes back to his normal home he ditches the pants (lol) but probably keeps the boots and definitely keeps the jacket. It's a keepsake, you know. A reminder of that weird autumn he spent in Possum Springs.

#bc of course he's there in autumn. it has to be autumn #(''weird autumn - weird autumn'') #night in the woods au #miles tails prower #mae borowski #gregg lee #angus delaney #bea santello #lori meyers #germ warfare #mr chazokov #someone watching Gregg playfully noogie Tails is like ''wow they look so similar it's almost like they could be related'' #and Sonic reflexively crumples his soda can in his fist #(if Amy was there she'd be like ''are you . . . jealous?'' and Sonic's like ''NO'' but the answer is yes. he is.) #(that's HIS little brother ok. not Gregg's. HIS. and his rsd is kickin in hard ohhh boy) #sth

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello, I am INTJ 34F, thank you in advance for patience towards my super long post. My life is fine so far at least on face of it. But I have gone through some hardships which are not visible to outside world easily.

I was victim of child neglect where my parents ignored me and gave more importance to my brother as he is male child. The ignorance was hard for me and my self esteem was hit badly. I was deep introvert and hard fast logical thinker. My social or physical abilities were not developed as I never had any friends to play or social setup to mingle. Also, i never felt any need for same. My parents never tried to help me see where I am failing and how I can improve. I used to immerse myself in books and daydream. I tried to reason with my parents at times but I was very straightforward so they saw it as blunt and it didn't end well. I used to do all things in daydream which I don't do in real life.

The only thing I had was, I was good in studies. So I think that became my identity as that was only thing where I can shine and get attention. But lack of skills in other areas had impact on my confidence. This continued in college as well as job. In college, people used to call me reserved and maybe dull. In job, we had teamwork and because of my introversion and non developed social skill, they started calling me like I have ego issue etc etc. I was independent, low self expression and mainly focusing on work, no much small talk.. all ended up my image being kind of dark. I don't know what I did wrong.

At that point, I wasn't aware about my personality development issue or that I am child neglect victim. I never gave deep thought to any of this then. I used to shine in work due to my technical abilities and used to think that people are either jealous of my achievement or they need just entertainment. I was too busy with my life as well because I had family and young kid, so it was battle of time.

I got to know about MBTI in lockdown and realized that,

I have never accepted any issue with my parents even to myself

I have ignored my health a lot while pulling career

I have never paid attention to other people as in their feeling etc

I did not build strong network at work

I am kind of blind to others strength because I value only intelligence too much

I went on to build life I want with such a focus that I totally missed on other thing. Somehow, money and career advancement became point of self esteem for me

The only good thing is, I am very open to people in my inner circle and they know me, value me, respect me

I wasn't self aware, did not handle my introversion properly. In order to open up to people, I have landed in awkward social situations and then gave up getting frustrated

There was huge gap between how I see myself and how others see me. I didn't know why this is happening

I have burned bridges with few people when they were open to have discussions

Now, I feel terrible. I miss people I have hurt or misbehaved. There are few career opportunities I have lost. I am not sure if this is sign of immature INTJ or something to do with my childhood or entirely different issue.

Once I knew MBTI, I researched and improved a lot. Now, I am far more balanced person. My husband and other close people are noticing change in me and in general, I can sense it myself. But, I am not able to let go past. It's like I am carrying it in my head that I was like this. I don't have any shame associated with it. I am ok with my past but I just want to live free and close that chapter in my head permanently.

There are few people who I really miss but now can not go back and make things right. I am having hard time accepting it. I keep on regretting myself like why I wasn't aware about all this little earlier

I would like to hear your thoughts as they help me clear my head

-----------------------

The topic of regretting past mistakes comes up often, search the relevant tags, like this post. It doesn't really matter "when" you learned, as long as you did eventually. If "when" matters so much to you, then perhaps you have some pridefulness issue to work through due to having an unrealistic image of what you "should" be. Unrealistic images are a common path to self-inflicted suffering.

You spend a lot of time punishing yourself for mistakes and not enough time appreciating how they allowed you to progress and grow. What would your life be without mistakes? Without them, you'd have far fewer opportunities to realize the truth of yourself. In other words, your perspective on mistakes is problematic. They should be embraced rather than derided.

People only do what they know. You can't know everything or be good at everything. Once you've learned what you didn't know, you ought to forgive yourself for the past ignorance. Whatever you imagine was the "perfect" way to handle things doesn't really exist. If you could've done better back then, you would've.

Take control of your mind: Let go of the imaginary scenarios you've created of the past or imaginary ideals of what you should've been and proceed with humility in facing up to the current state of your shortcomings, flaws, and weaknesses (requires Te). The process of living is experiencing and growing. Or do you believe it's about being born perfect out of the womb?

#intj #auxiliary te #fi loop #regret #past #forgiveness #making mistakes #ask

[oetter]

Hi 😌 I saw you were doing hockey player season predictions with tarot! How unique! Can you do a reading for my fave boy Pyotr Kochetkov?

so. i pulled a total of 35 cards trying to get a read on this kid and i still don’t know if i’ve got him down. before this i didn’t know him really beyond what a quick google search and a seven minute highlight reel can show me so if this is deeply wrong, i'm so sorry. strap in, long post incoming

starting off with general “vibe” pulls

cups: ace, 4, 9, 9, 10, page r swords: 2, 2 pentacles: 5, 6 r, knight r, queen r wands: 4 r, king r major arcana: hanged man, star r, hermit r

the amount of cups is telling me off the bat that he’s a deeply emotional and intuitive person. coupled with his cancer sun and scorpio moon, i’d say that’s a hell of a good start. the ace of cups is giving newness, freshness, and opportunity to open up and learn and grow emotionally. the page of cups reversed shows emotionally immaturity, which makes sense because he’s young. the page reversed and the four tell me he’s a little afraid of opening up and in a bit of a creative rut, but the two nines i pulled are saying “don’t worry, you’ll find satisfaction.” finding his place has been a long time coming, and the ten says he’s going to settle in just fine.

i pulled the two of swords twice. to me, this is saying he needs to remain patient and have caution in order to maintain the current state of affairs. difficult choices are in store.

the wands in this case are kind of difficult to dissect. i don’t know koochie at all, and both of these cards are giving insight into a home life and behind-the-scenes turmoil that i don’t feel i have the knowledge to impart accurately. i’ll give y’all the keywords though, maybe you’ll understand better than me: lack of support, transience, home conflicts, feeling unwelcome, lack of roots, impulsive, overbearing, unachievable expectations, forceful, domineering, ineffective, weak leader.

similar to the wands are the pentacles, where i don’t feel knowledgeable enough to really give good insight. what it tells me, though, is that a shifting of perspective and reevaluation of priorities is a good idea.

next up are the three major arcana, which are also kind of tough. they seem to be saying the same thing: uncertainty and a lack of motivation demand a realignment. the reversed hermit has a good connection to make between the card and his being a goalie, because it represents working alone and—to take it a step further—feeling like an outcast.

not a lot of positive messages so far, but that’s okay.

i then pulled a number of targeted cards for different areas of his life.

past: the devil, five of cups reversed present: knight of swords, the tower reversed future: justice, nine of pentacles relationships: page of wands career: king of wands finances: ace of pentacles motivation: two of cups incentive: three of swords reversed

whatever the truth is as far as his past, it’s reading like a backstory for sure. the devil is showing feelings of emptiness, lack of fulfillment, and lack of control. the five of cups reversed signals acceptance and moving on.

the present is calling for him to remain steadfast and strong. even as turmoil surrounds him, he needs a strong foundation and he will remain upright.

the cards i pulled for the future are really saying one thing to me: we receive the due rewards of our deeds (name that quote). what he reaps he will sow. his future is up to how he chooses to live in the present. that’s kind of boring, but it’s literally what the cards say.

relationships. page of wands. really just saying he’s excited to explore! he’s ready to get out there and make friends, talk to people and make connections.

career. king of wands. leadership, vision, big picture, taking control, daring decisions, boldness, optimism. achievement in career, respected position, mentorship. he’s going to be amazing.

finances. ace of pentacles. okay, money. he’s a pro hockey player. he’s gonna have a lot of money. this card is really just telling me his life will be rife with big opportunities. he’ll be prosperous. be more on the nose why don’t ya

motivation. two of cups. he wants friends!! he wants to be part of a strong goalie tandem. he wants a strong partnership. like that’s literally it.

incentive. three of swords reversed. basically, growth. learning from experience. this card indicates he may go through a rough time, but that’s okay. he’ll be able to move on beautifully.

all in all, the reading i got from him is this: he’s young, he’s got a lot to learn and grow from. he’s very much Just A Person. he’s going to be just fine.

#this was a PROJECT holy #i had to make a spreadsheet for this #i had to pull cards for ME in order to read the cards for HIM #taroetter #pyotr kochetkov #ask oetter

[kuipernebula]

Talk about your Exhalted characters, KP. This is not a question.

I appreciate the sentiment, but like. I dunno. I really wish I could talk about this shit in a context where people understood what I was talking about.

I'll shorten the list to just the shortlist of Sidereal Exalted I've developed to be played. I actually have more Sidereal PC's I wanna play than this but these 4 have received the most development and cook time in my brain. I need to make it 5 to hit the last Sidereal caste(/closest thing to classes the game has) but only one idea has hit me with any lucidity and it was like, a week ago, so it needs to cook some more.

Listed in order that the maidens are generally listed (Coincidentally, also the order of their planets)

The Journeys is a young man born in an independent city state in the jungles of the South East, one of the rare few cultures around the Dreaming Sea with few imperial ambitions. Here, members of [PC's] family were bonded to a tiger cub at birth, to act as their sibling and protector. Such was his life, until he came of age. Then, the Prasadi Empire sought to finally incorporate his home into its imperial regime. Guided by visions of a golden tiger, [PC] and his brother led his people to a hidden grotto beyond the notice of Prasad - but not heaven. Now, [PC] and his brother act as agents of fate, helping lead others to where they must be. Well. When they feel like it.

[PC] is loud, obnoxious, messy, and immature - but he's forceful, charismatic, and diligent, so he tends to get by just fine. His brother, by contrast, is serious, chooses his words(?) carefully, but refuses to raise a claw if its not in his or his brother's interest. At essence 2, [PC] gets a charm that lets him turn his brother into a God that works fro the Bureau of Destiny, meaning they're OFFICIALLY co-workers, and also his brother gets a human form and can talk.

His charms aren't as solid as the other ideas yet but he's a Tiger stylist, and fights in tandem with his brother. They're kind of attached at the hip. And if you try to say they're not brothers or bring up blood relation then they'll both probably try to kill you. (I need to pick a Sidereal Martial Art for him but I haven't found one I like quite yet.)

The Serenities is a former slave to House Cynis on the blessed isle. [Here there's some gray area in his backstory, as the specifics of his slavery and how he got there juggles in my head, and his exaltation isn't super clear.] Now he is forced to work alongside such figures as the Goddess of Slavery (who keeps calling him) and the Bronze Faction (set up a status quo that allows slavery to flourish.) To avoid killing his coworkers, he became a drunk, but became so enamored with wine and alcohol that he also became a legendary brewmaster. Most other Sidereals think of him as a laissez-faire drunk with a rude but friendly demeanor.

Though he works diligently for the Bureau of Destiny, he is largely entrenched in his own personal revenge project: burning all of House Cynis to the ground. The corrupt house that enslaved him cannot be allowed to stand. He will do anything to curry favor and allies to this goal, and will equally hide all his intentions about it until he knows for sure they can be trusted.

His fighting style is the Drunken God style, which isn't in the game yet so I haven't nailed down a lot of specifics. He also uses Augmented Implements of Strive to improve his use of Improvised Weapons, allowing him to turn any bar fight into a huge spectacle. (His Sidereal Martial Art could be a few things, but Sapphire Veil of Passions might lean the best into his Drunken Fist shenanigans, while the unreleased Amaranthine Chains of Samsara might be better thematically if it's about breaking those chains.)

The charm synergy I'm most excited for with him is that he gets a craft charm called Elemental Vision that gives you bonuses based on your Maiden's element; among other things, this includes that Elementals and Dragon-Blooded of the appropriate element have an automatic tie of Patience towards you. House Cynis is famously Wood aspect. Venus is the Maiden of Wood.

The Chosen of Secrets is a lightly Sun Wukong-inspired Super Thief. A huge adrenaline junkie that finds infiltration and larceny to be the height of excitement, he got his start in the Scavenger Lands, working under a Scavenger Lord picking apart First Age ruins. There he found his first true score: a seemingly-ordinary walking stick with a band of prismatic metal on his tip. He knew it, and himself, were destined for more than this particular Scavenger Lord, so he absconded with it. He was picked up by heaven shortly thereafter.

His various heists are viewed by most of his coworkers in the Bureau as an eccentric hobby and nothing more, mostly because he mostly sticks to Creation-based targets. Which isn't to say he hasn't considered Heavenly targets - he just needs the right plan. Either way, he has no interest in Faction politics, and regards the affairs of the Bureau as a day job he has to entertain for his salary.

His walking stick is the Starmetal artifact Gnomon, once wielded by a Solar Phantom Thief who famously stole it as a cutting from one of Heaven's Peach Trees of Immortality. Now it's our guy's, and it's main power is to stop time for brief moments, often to assist in a fight or in a heist.

He combines the above with Monkey Style Martial Arts, his Sidereal Charms (like most of the Larceny tree), and later on, Emerald Gyre of Aeons style. (It's the Martial Arts style about Time Loops, Eternity, and Time.) (Monkey Style and Gyre both styles that use Staves as weapons, and Gnomon is a staff. Synergy!)

The Endings is my Exalted character I've developed the most, Kyon Shi. Orphaned while still an infant in one of the Hundred Kingdoms, he fell in with other urchins. When he was learning to walk, he earned his name from a kindly old widow who would give food to the urchins. She found his awkward hops endearing, and thus called him "my own little kyonshi" in jest. The name stuck with the urchins, who found his pale skin and haunted eyes eerie.

As he grew, he became more and more enamored with death and funerals, consuming as much information as he could from the undertaker, from adults, from priests, whoever would let an orphan ask them questions. They, as with the urchins, found it off-putting, but sometimes humored him.

When he was still young, the other urchins decided they had enough of him. One of them - a boy that Kyon had once awkwardly expressed interest in - offered to meet him, alone, at the graveyard that night. He excitedly went to find his whole gang of street toughs. They proceeded to beat him half to death, stick him in a grave, and attempt to bury him alive. Kyon lost consciousness and the next thing he knew, he was above ground, with the boys having run away.

When he was old enough to make the journey himself, he hitched a ride on with a merchant caravan to the tomb-city of Sijan. There he, like many other morbid youths, joined the ranks of the city's mortuary students. He felt like he lagged behind many, but not all, of his fellows, but after much hard work, graduated top of his class.

His first assignment as a fully-fledged Sijanese funerist was to enter and clean one of the oldest tombs of the city. Inside, however, he found an old, dying man, who claimed that his sucessor was found, and it was his time. Kyon Shi felt compassion for the dying man, and performed a short funeral service for him. When he exited the tomb, he was greeted by a woman who introduced herself as The Green Lady.

Now he works for the Bureau of Destiny and is a key member of the Convention on the Dead. The Green Lady has taken him under her wing, and he has been given the impression he's being groomed to take over her position as Chair of the Convention one day, a position he'd be excited to accept. He trusts her implicitly, and would do anything to please or impress her, but since she's James Bond in The Underworld she can be... enigmatic. (In large part he views her so highly because she's the first person to see potential or promise in him; at every turn before hand, he had to earn it.)

His secretary is a ghost named Peach Blossom Princess, who lives in his manse in heaven and helps handle his paperwork. His manse, for what its worth, is contained in a folded space under a Torii. Enter it one way and you enter the Memorial of the Starless Soldier, a solemn and sacred place built by Saturn and Sol Invictus shortly after the Divine Revolution meant to honor the un-Exalted mortal soldiers of the Revolution. Enter the other way, and you are right outside Kyon's home, a temple-mansion-dojo where he (and his secretary) live (and train) between missions. (No matter which way you enter the Torii, it appears to be under an eternal starry, moonless sky)

Primarily he wants to build up relations between ghosts in the underworld and the bureaus of heaven; he thinks a future can be built where the dead can be part of the affairs of destiny, where all can be met with compassion. Secondarily, he wants to build relations with ancestor cults, as he thinks this, too, could be a valuable function of their alliance. This is idealistic, of course, but it's why he's tentatively aligned with the Gold faction.

He fights with the extremely deadly and unsettling Hungry Ghost Style, which emulates the movements and hunger of the angry dead. He is also a skilled necromancer, having been trained by The Green Lady herself; he maintains the ghostly bindings of his secretary himself. He also has most of the undead stuff in the Medicine tree, and also the charm where you become legally dead to heaven by performing your own funeral and thus get to be considered undead when it would benefit you (like if you are underwater).

He may eventually learn the Albicant Sepulcher of Extinction style, a Sidereal Martial Art made by one of the Deathlords. (How is up to debate...)

The other thing I've spent a ton of time on with him is that he has TONS of fun acts about various funeral practices around creation. I wrote down tons of them. I should write down some more.

#cw: long post

[therese-lokidottir]

I saw movies reviews about neflix avatar while they like neflix design not far away from the origin but they very disappoint with well cast, acting and the characters.

It's not just about fat shaming (actually in my areas peoples gives comments.it is because the showrunners not prepared) also the acting is lack specially for azula, then well some viewers very disappointed that lack of flaws characters in neflix avatar like Sokka, in cartoon he is well kind sexist and need like a whole season for him to be better but in neflix they erasing that part.

And also in cave Omashu scene, in cartoon it's about love romantic but neflix change it into familial love and make viewers angry and well some said 'incest'. Even avatar get renewed into 3 season but if viewers low it will get cancell

You know I think producers need careful to make live action something because if they wrong step the money will gone.

The thing is none of these actresses are really overweight. They just have round facial features and they are young. Sadly are sociality is still fatphobic and can be practically awful to girls and young women.

From what I gleamed Omashu was changed to be about two women but it was still romantic.

I watched a few reviews from creators I like and from what I gathered, It's really not a bad show. It's clearly made with a lot of effort by fans of the original. But it's just not the original and not as fun or as balanced as the original.

But the thing is, it changes things, it compresses things, it lightens and simplifies things, and it really want to be taken seriously. All that stuff takes it father and father away from the original.

From what I gleamed the netflix doesn't have the silly lighthearted comedy or the spiritual and pacifist themes. It also seems like a lot of characters don't there flaws, Katara doesn't have her stubbornness and temper, Aang doesn't have his immaturity and they made a whole thing out of Sokka sexism. This is what I mean by they try to make they lightens and simplifies things. It doesn't want characters to have those flaws. Even though the point in the original was how the characters grew and changed.

When it came out something that popped up in my FYPs a lot was the to Bumi. To me I don't like the idea of the changes, but to be fair I have seen people make good arguments for it. But I do have to say if netflix changed Aang from running away to just stepping out for a bit with every intention to come back it kind of makes everything Bumi said pointless.

Also from everyone I heard, Zuko, Iroh and the fire nation tend to be the best done stuff. It's the thing the creators cared about the most.

What I got from all of this is that some things are not meant for live action and that ATLA can't be done twice. It'd just not something that can be recreated. I think it would be better to move forward with the franchise. Keep going with the avatar books, more comic continuations maybe even a show about the next avatar.

#asks #avatar the last airbender #atla

[isfjmel-phleg]

Something that I have been surprised to notice is how frequently DC's young male heroes in the 1990s are depicted as crying. In a genre that is so typically associated with a certain kind of masculine expectations, I find it unusual to see this occur, frequently without censure from other characters or the narrative. Some do it more often than others, but Tim, Kon, Bart, Grant, and Ray--all of them have been shown at one time or another in this state of emotional vulnerability, and these moments are often the most poignant of their series.

This time, I'm going to look at how this applies to Bart specifically. He's usually pretty carefree and resilient, but there are several notable occasions of his succumbing to tears. And there's a pattern here.

I am focusing on occasions where crying is made explicitly evident through visuals or dialogue. Some ambiguous occasions (such as his telling Cissie about how Max almost died--she is crying but his eyes are hidden) have been left out for simplicity's sake. If I missed something, please let me know!

The earliest instance of Bart's crying comes pretty soon after he's arrived in the twentieth century. One of the Rogues has attacked him, and Bart, unused to pain after a life in VR, doesn't take it well. Wally sees this as childish and petty and snarks at him for crying. This particular narrative is from Wally's POV and thus not meant to be very sympathetic to Bart, so the point of this incident is to reinforce the view of him as immature and bratty.

This is the only case with this perspective, however!

(The Flash 1987 #97)

Here, Bart has lost his speed and Max is in the hospital. Bart is deeply upset by this and has responded by being withdrawn and lethargic. When a schoolmate taunts him about not caring about anything, Bart is enraged at being so misunderstood and lashes out physically. He's in tears by the middle of the fight and as he runs out of school, calling futilely for Max.

(Impulse #10)

The death of fellow speedster Johnny Quick is (I think) the first time that Bart witnesses death as applying to someone he knew and utter grief from Johnny's daughter Jesse. It's a lot to process.

(Impulse #11)

Bart and Wally don't tend to get along most of the time, but when the adults theorize that a recently disappeared Wally must have allowed himself to die, Bart is devastated to think that anything like that could happen to his cousin, whom he looks up to more than he's usually ready to admit.

(The Flash 1987 #141)

The news that Max is dying is bad enough, but failing to work up enough speed to get him to the speed force for a cure is hard on Bart.

(Impulse #62)

As is the prospect of losing his AI friend Dox, and then realizing that he really is gone for good.

(Impulse #64)

The climax of the Mercury Falling arc is highly emotional, and I didn't realize until I took these screenshots just how often Bart cries here--as he fears for Max's life, as he tells Thad that self-sacrifice is what you do when you love someone, as he struggles to bring Max to the speed force.

(Everyone cries in this sequence. There's even a single tear from cold, detached Thad at one point.)

(Impulse #66)

And finally, after a long, emotionally fraught day that culminates in his losing Carol, whom he has just started to have feelings for, Bart openly weeps. Unlike the first instance, when he was mocked for doing so, Iris assures him that it's okay. This reaction isn't childishness; it's a natural expression of grief that's the right and proper response to everything he's been through. Bart's emotionality is regarded not as a weakness but as evidence of his warm heart.

(Impulse #75)

From here on until the end of YJ (everything after that is beyond my area of expertise), we do not see him clearly crying again. Not when he vicariously experiences his own death on Apokolips (...maybe? one panel is a bit ambiguous). Not during his subsequent depression. Not when he has to leave Helen--she's the one crying there, and he's trying to be positive for her sake.

With the exception of the first instance I've listed, all of these cases have a common thread: they are in response to a loss, actual or feared. A lot of people that he loves have left him for various reasons, so the prospect of yet another bereavement is what can move him to tears. He usually deals with internal turmoil by retreating within himself, as he does at the start of Impulse #10 and during his multiple depressive slumps toward the end of the series, but once these feelings involve another person, it's a different story.

#comicsposting again #BA: fastest attitude alive

[squidgirlfriends]

WAIT WHOS THE SQUID SISTER GRANDMA

😏😏SHES THA…. Squid sisters’ grandma…

Okok some notes:

Still thinking of a name for her (😭) so far I have Camira (ca-mee-ra) which I like, but is basically just me messing with sounds that are similar to Callie and Marie LOL

She’s a traditional/folk singer by will of her family, but has always wanted to write and sing her own music to larger audiences in cities/more populous areas (she’s from calamari county, of course)

loves to sing; she finds beauty in and is happy to perform even the oldest traditional songs (most notable on the list is the calamari inkantation), even if she does want to expand her horizons.

kind of the old-timey “it” girl… she’s pretty and made-up and puts on airs of gentility, she’s always wearing fine clothes in public and was raised to move/behave a certain way: the vision back then for a girl her age was to be as close to a doll as possible

BUT… she mostly keeps up with this for the benefit of her family’s image, and isn’t afraid to explore and get a little dirty. She values the natural violence of the world

thinks Craig is kind of immature but very funny at first, and becomes good friends with both him and octavio; she finds octavio’s inventions inspiring

official CEO of “keep craig and octavio from dying very stupid deaths”

Forgive me if this is incoherent I’m semi drugged rn LMAO… still thinking of ways to integrate her better and give her a more meaningful purpose in the story of craig and octavio that already exists

She was always taking care of her granddaughters when they were very young, and was known to sing around them quite often, but passed away before she could see them win their first competition…

After her death, craig left the family estate more often to… hike and explore? His kids don’t really get it… hopefully he won’t drag Callie and Marie into anything against their will…

#my ocs #camira #heuehudheudhehehehe #squid sisters grandma #idk how to tag this lol #dj octavio #I do like cuttletavio but like .. what abt a polycule lolz #capn cuttlefish

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

I say this with lots of kindness, it’s hard to understand the issue with big age gaps while you’re still young yourself. That also used to be me. Now that I’m 36, I get it. (And before anyone says I’m just butt hurt because I’m older and not with Evan, I’m happily married with 2 kids, and still a fan 🙂) It has nothing to do with legal age, we know these women can legally date an older guy. It comes down to maturity and power dynamic, but ultimately the individual person. Saying Frances was too young was not only her age, but also stage of life and immaturity. She was fresh out of college, only just finding her way, trying to get work etc and also seemed very emotionally immature. It’s not like we are blaming her for anything, she had every right to be in that stage of her life. BUT compared to where Evan was at, plus his experience and fame, it was a very odd and unbalanced match. And that’s why it felt weird. Compared to say Blake Lively at the same age, completely different. Same with Beyoncé when she got married. Both had established careers, their own homes, been in other relationships, had experience, understood dating in the spotlight and being famous. I mean you just can’t compare them with this scenario. So please don’t take offence, we don’t think being in your twenties is “too young for someone older”. It depends entirely on the situation and people involved. But usually, the older party has much more experience and power in the RS. It’s just how it is. RE Chris Evans and his wife, I think the age gap is an issue mostly because they seem to live in his area, with his family and his friends, all whom are older and settled. I feel like she is giving up so much of herself and her life but won’t see it until later on. She might want that, but she deserves more in my opinion. It’s on him that he’s taking that away from her. I hope she finds her own young crew in Boston or it will be boring as hell lol. I also think he’s having a midlife crisis and freaked out about not being married with kids and over age 40 🤷🏻‍♀️ Enter a lovely young impressionable girl who is willing to change her whole life for him and BAM! Married 😬

thank you 💗 you’re spot on with it and i agree. folks also have to remember that at a certain point, age gaps matter less. think about it like this: if a 40 year old dates a 60 year old, while some may find it odd, from an ethical standpoint it doesn’t pose the same questions and problems as a 20 and 30 year old. it all boils down to life experience and emotional maturity, and in my opinion, there is no real substitution for this when someone is very young. you just have to live and learn. we can have a whole side conversation about misogyny and why men prefer dating younger, malleable women even outside of sexual motivation, but honestly, i don’t think it’s necessary here. no one is trying to attack evan or frances, it’s just people voicing their own discomfort with it and the reasons why.

[bellestarot]

Disclaimer: My readings are not set in stone. This is supposed to be fun as it is for me and I hope for you too.

BTS' Jimin's & TWICE's Jeongyeon Reading

July 31, 2022

Right Now

They may have met many years ago when Jeongyeon was very young and it may have been during a trip, I think she was leaving the place and he was in the same area as her and they end up meeting at this time.

He was always more intuitive and more open to communication or getting to know each other and I see that she had a more defensive side maybe because she had been through so much before so it made her close to let him get to know her.

She probably suffered from anxiety and I think he would have liked to get to know her more but she always had a side where she wouldn't let the other go beyond what was already known so I think Jeongyeon never let him go beyond what he knew of her.

She is definitely going through a hard time now in her life, I think she has become even more protective of what she has, including the people around her.

So I think they are not speaking or if they spoken in the past, it was nothing but cordiality with each other. I see that Jimin is in a relationship with someone else and he is very happy, maybe even living together.

What happened between them?

There is such a long story behind this that I didn't expect to read something like this.

They don't have any love relationship, their relationship in general is that of a co-worker, they are completely different people.

At that time, she was going through a very difficult and painful moment in her life where she had to make a very complicated decision that she still thinks about today.

This is not for sure, please! It's for entertainment purposes only.

There is a probability that she was pregnant and she couldn't afford to raise a child at that time, so she made a very difficult and painful decision that changed her life completely which was maybe an abortion.

This is something that is very complicated and that is a secret, she doesn't talk about it, nobody have information about it because she also doesn't want to bring it up.

He knew about this situation, he feels that he has matured a lot from that time to nowadays, he can understand her better.

He feels that he can understand her situation much better than before, maybe he didn't agree or have his own opinion and judgment about it, so it was a barrier in any kind of connection or relationship that they could have together.

She was also not at a better time with the person she was dealing with, potentially the father of the child, maybe didn't want to take responsibility or something like that. That really got in the way of any future that could be changed.

Jimin feelings towards Jeongyeon

He sees her as a very talented person who really loves doing what she does.

I think he sees her as someone who was born to be in the arts. He thinks that sometimes she can act immature or very childish, especially when things are not the way she wants them to be.

He thinks that she is very dedicated to her work, he sees the effort she makes to get a good result and that she has a very wild and fun side that when you get to know her better you discover this side of her.

He finds her quite sociable that she can fit in well in many groups or talk to many people but she can also protect her own energy, so she doesn't let people into her life easily and he admires this personality trait that she has.

He recognizes that she has been through a lot to be where she is now. That what she gets in her work is deserved for the hard work she's put in all these years, so he admires her overall as an artist and as a person.

He thinks that she's been through a lot and she's had a lot of experiences in which she can teach other people or give advice about the things that she's been through and that she's been able to move on, so he thinks that's very admirable.

Jeongyeon feelings towards Jimin

This is going to sound really weird but she wondered what it would be like if he were the father of her children.

She would have liked to have talked to him more, i think they didn't talk that much. She feels that he is very good with words, that he can express himself very well and she finds that very attractive about him.

She was definitely considering having a relationship with him because I think she always liked him.

They'd met very young and she'd always thought he was full of options, that he had a lot of people chasing after him.

She actually has a lot of emotions towards him, I think she would have liked to have had something or maybe she wants to have something with him but she was always afraid of rejection.

I really think she like him. She thinks they match in some ways mainly in how they protect the people they love, she identifies a lot with him in how he takes care of the members, friends and family.

She can see herself in that too and even though she has feelings for him, she sees that they are on completely different pages of life now.

Near future to them

I don't see them communicating or being friends and more than real co-workers.

I don't think they're going to be close, I see each one going in their own way, working hard.

She will have a very positive opportunity for her career that will make her very happy and he will go through some not so nice situations but he will be able to move on.

#kpop #kpop tarot #tarot reading #tarot #bts #bts tarot #jimin bts #park jimin #jeongyeon twice #twice jeongyeon #yoo jeongyeon #twice tarot #Spotify

[dooodle-bug]

So! after all this time! i got my act together and finally got a good ref n stuff for my ghostsona! I now present to you: Harry! (basic info/extra art under cut)

-Harry, (otherwise known as the Schoolboy Ghost) he/him pronouns (genderfluid)

-chinese 14 y/o kiddo <3

-extremely shy and anxious, especially around others. however he enjoys reading books and doodling, its calming and he likes being alone in peace and quiet. Also a huge ass nerd. Despite being generally sweet and kind natured, he can be quite snarky if something is truly pissing him off or if he just wants to be alone

-Voice sounds very young-teenager-like. Kinda like steward in a way? but more immature and unsure kinda sounding-

-That gold star on his uniform is supposed to be a reference to the gold stars teachers give out to good students, as well as bc i didnt feel like making a fucking school crest or whatever-

-Was a private school student in a very prestigous sorta school. He was extremely successful n smart n all, however at one point the pressure and stress to maintain this streak got too much and he commit suicide by jumping off a building.

-Name is a reference to the fact that he is very Hairy, having a fucking mass of course, wild hair. He utilizes it by using it as storage space (ex, the elevator button)

-haunts floor xx, The Library, consisting of a spooky library, mazes of organized bookshelves, rows of old ass computers and desks and workstations, a lil lounge area, a lil storytime kids section, beanbags, front desk, etc.

-As Luigi navigates through the rows of shelves, acting as a giant maze with some Secret entrances n stuff, he eventually comes across the lil kids section, a corner with space for storytime, complete with shelves of childrens books and toys. Sitting in the middle of this area, is Harry, who appears to be happily drawing in a book, taking and putting away pencils from his hair

-When Luigi sees this, he is obviously scared, however determined to get that elevator button he noticed in his hair. When Harry notices him, he runs off, scared shitless

-the battle works where luigi needs to track the ghost down with the darklight, revealing he is possessing a bookshelf, which springs to life and proceeds to attack him, spitting books, paper airplanes, trash, etc. and also tryna body slam him. Luigi attacks by, when given the right moment to whip behind him, to plunger the back of the shelf and slam that mf

-when the bookcase is destroyed, he tumbles out, stunned and sucked by luigi, before managing to run off again and fade away, the process repeating again in a different area

-Once his hp is about 50ish, instead of running away from the broken shelf, he will retreat into a book, now bouncing around aggressively and quickly like an angry dog, leaping up and biting as well as spitting papers at him

-luigi defeats him by tiring him out and trying to flip him onto his side using that elevating vacuum move thing idk what its called, then he can plunger him and slam until the book is destroyed, then sucking him up once and for all for the elevator button

-In the lab, he is calmly sitting, drawing in a book

-Harry's extremely upset about his death, and makes up for it in the afterlife by spending his time studying/reading books (of free will), drawing, playing with toys, etc

-hes allowed to stay bc he manages the library, cleaning n organizing the place for others n all bc he finds it fun. also he helps with the hotel's finances and other problems from time to time too

annnnnnd thats all i got for now! thank u for reading and i hope you like him as much as i do hehe :o>

#dooodle-draws #lm3 #luigis mansion 3 #luigi's mansion 3 #lm3 ghosts #lm3 ghostsona #oc #original character #tw suicide mention #tw death #im so sorry i have been delaying this for so long blease i wanna talk n rp about him n shitttt- #idk if ghostsonas are a thing anymore but idc. he is my boy and i love him <3

[slashercult]

Hi, how’s it going? I would like to play your “new year predictions game”. I reblogged,❤️’d, and followed. Something good that’s happening to me in 2023: I spent time with my sisters. It sounds small, but I really cherish every moment I get with them. I know one day we’ll be loving individual lives. So, I want to make the most of the present and show them how much I care about them and bond. A mini prediction for your year: I think a part of the year will deal with you feeling alone or like things aren’t going your way,but things will change. Don’t focus on what’s going wrong or what you lack. Just find gratitude in the small things,and those small things will grow. Your worries will be a thing of the past. After that I see you reaching a milestone. Something that calls for celebration. I think this accomplishment will bring you joy/happiness. I think it will be a time of appreciating all of the good things in your life. The people you love will surround you and be happy for you. You will feel supported and secure. This will be a time of your dreams becoming reality. Your manifestations coming into fruition. A YouTube video that brings me joy is : “Laith and Christina real love story about a couple who fell in love over tumblr”. The original video was deleted, but other people reuploaded it. Channels: miami303mommi, mauricemusa , william t donald. If you type in “Laith and Christina”, it should pop up. It’s a video about a couple who met on tumblr and started long distance dating. And with the help of her friend he surprises her in her city. I’m a hopeless romantic and I first seen this video when I was young so it always has a special place in my heart and makes me feel warm, fuzzy and happy🩷. I would like to know: 🕰️ what is a major change I will experience in the new year?

hello! im glad you got to spend more time hanging out with your sisters, also love the video you sent lol. thank you for the mini prediction, i rlly do hope that my manifestations come true. anyways, let's move right on to your reading.

cards i pulled: eight of wands, the tower, page of cups (r), the fool (r) oracle cards: the deer and the oat, the vulture and the asphodel last year must have been kind of tough for you, but this year one of the changes im seeing is that you will finally be able to move forward from the past and heal. im getting that you may start traveling more in this new year, most likely through plane or in high areas (maybe near a couple of mountains), somewhere of high elevation. there will be many sudden changes for you throughout the new year. it may catch you a bit off guard and you'll have to stay strong and withstand it. you will take some time to grieve and let your wounds heal. after this happens, im seeing that you will become more wise, strong, and look at life differently (but in a more positive way). im getting some kind of rebirth energy, you will probably be going through a glow up and will feel more free from your old ways of thinking. im getting that you will change the more immature side of you and begin to stand up for yourself a lot more. there could be some creative blocks or times in the new year when you see an opportunity but you are too afraid to take it, this could be because of some self doubt or thinking you are just not prepared enough. healing is one of the major themes im seeing from this new year, there's a lot of signs of growth and rebirth. there will be times where you feel a bit overwhelmed from everything but this requires rest so you can recharge and continue to nourish your soul.

that's all for your reading, please don't forget to leave feedback, i hope you enjoyed and have a wonderful new year!

#tarotblr #free readings #new year ask game #ask game #nl107

[tehuti88-art]

6/2/23: r/SketchDaily theme, "Free Draw Friday." This week's character from my anthro WWII storyline is Dagmar Himmel-Kammler. She's deceased long before the main storyline. Her awkward surname is her attempt at a compromise between her clingy brother, Dietmar Kammler, and her husband, Otto Himmel, who despite her efforts don't get along. Himmel never really stops mourning her death even years later. There'll be more about her later in my art Tumblr and Toyhou.se.

Regarding her design, she intentionally looks a lot like Dietmar, as I've just realized the two of them are twins. Oddly, she's a bit taller than he is, though.

TUMBLR EDIT: I don't really know anything about Dagmar's and twin brother Dietmar's (Dr. Kammler) lives growing up. They seem to be comfortably upper-middle class, and I believe they lose their parents young, although when they're old enough to get by on their own; maybe around age sixteen or so. Dagmar is the older of the two (albeit barely), and quickly assumes the parental role for her emotionally immature and insecure brother. Dietmar is constantly fretful and anxious, especially about Dagmar's wellbeing--likely because she's the only person he has, and also the only person willing and able to put up with him--and he becomes unhealthily clingy as a result. There are hints that his feelings for her, especially in light of his attitude toward Himmel later on, are borderline inappropriate--Dietmar never does get married, take a mistress, or even engage in any casual relationships that I know of, the only feminine influence in his life is his sister--though Dagmar, if she's aware of this, both tolerates and yet ignores it. She dotes on her younger brother and constantly reassures him she's there for him, since without her, he'd be completely alone.

Since their parents presumably leave them a decent amount of savings to get by, they continue living in the nice big house on a nice better-off street near the edge of the city. It's roomy and bright and airy and there's plenty of space for Dietmar's science experiments and Dagmar's artwork. Dietmar has hopes of attending medical school whereas Dagmar prefers more creative pursuits; she spends her days painting watercolors, often taking trips to the city park or other natural areas for inspiration (and always returning by evening lest Dietmar worry too much). The two of them are largely opposites; Dietmar is introverted, sour tempered, and has a bit of a cruel streak (judging by the living subjects he occasionally torments in his makeshift lab), whereas Dagmar is friendly and sociable, patient, and kind natured enough that she prefers to avoid checking in on Dietmar as he works. She can't bear to see other living beings suffering, yet she loves her brother, so she adopts an "out of sight, out of mind" mentality. She hopes medical school, and becoming a doctor, might improve his morals, so encourages him in that. Dietmar, meanwhile, really doesn't "get" art, but he can see that this pursuit makes her happy, and so offers compliments on her art when he can.

As I mentioned, the city park, with its open landscaping, tree-lined paths, benches to rest on, and river flowing sedately nearby, is Dagmar's favorite place to find subjects to paint, both landscapes and candid portraits of the interesting people she observes walking by. One day after she and Dietmar have grown and he's either on his way to becoming a doctor or has just become one (fudgy timelines in my story, I admit), Dagmar gathers her brushes, her paints, her easel, and sets out. The day had started out gloomy but there's been a lovely break in the clouds, there's no war to worry about anymore, and Dagmar hums happily to herself as she sketches out a few ideas for paintings. After a while, she decides to try her luck near the river. She sees a large tree arching out over the water; since the clouds are starting to return, and she even feels a few sprinkles of rain, she stashes her supplies under a bush, taking just a drawing pad and pencil, and approaches the tree for the best view. It starts to rain as she's drawing and she tries to move to a better position to make a few more hurried sketches when her foot suddenly slips in the wet grass and with a startled cry she tumbles into the river.

Dagmar plunges under the water, resurfaces, sputters; she's not a very good swimmer, and the riverbank beside the tree is steep, with little to grasp hold of but grass or dirt. She grabs at a root but can barely hold on; the river doesn't seem nearly so sedate anymore now that she's in it and it's trying to sweep her away. The now-furious downpour doesn't help any, either. She tries to yell for help but has trouble finding her voice, chokes a few times, tries again...but she'd noticed how the people in the park had started picking up and leaving as the clouds rolled back in, and with a growing sense of despair she doesn't think there are many left to hear her. Still, she sucks in a breath and lets out one loud yell before plunging under again.

It takes her longer this time to break the surface again as she scrabbles to keep hold of the root; her head pops up, she gasps, blinks her eyes open. And there on the riverbank above her, holding tight to a low branch with one arm and extending the other toward her, is a young man in a Reichswehr uniform. "Grab on!" he shouts; blinking again, she sees now that he's holding out a wooden cane. She grabs it as hard as she can; "Hold on," the soldier yells, and starts slowly but steadily tugging her closer. "Grab my arm," he shouts when she's close enough; she does so, and the cane is swept away as he pulls her up after him, yanking her out of the water and onto the grass. They both turn their heads, gasping and bedraggled, watching the cane as it rapidly bobs away and then vanishes from sight under the hurtling water. "Come on," the soldier pants, "away from the water." She holds on to his arm and they stumble further up the bank and collapse on level ground to catch their breath.

Soldier: "Are you hurt...?"

Dagmar: "I don't think so...dank dir! I thought for certain no one was left to hear me...why were you out in the rain?"

Soldier: "I prefer coming here in the rain...no people. Why were you so close to the water? You know the danger, ja...?"

Dagmar: "I was trying to look at that tree."

Soldier: "Tree...?" *looks at it, then back at her, brow furrowed* "Why?"

Dagmar: "I wanted to paint a picture...my supplies are under that bush, I lost my notebook...I'm sorry about your cane."

Soldier: "It's all right. Here." *pushes himself up, helps her up as well; retrieves her art supplies; she sees he's limping* "They're a little damp."

Dagmar: *takes the supplies* "Did you hurt yourself--?"

Soldier: "Old injury. You have a way to get home safely?"

Dagmar: "Ja, I can perhaps call a taxi...what about you?"

Soldier: "My place isn't far. If you're going to be all right..."

Dagmar: "Wait, you intend to walk--? In this rain?"

Soldier: "I've been in worse. It isn't far."

Dagmar: "I'm truly sorry about your cane...I can call you a taxi, too."

Soldier: *stepping back* "Nein, danke, it's fine. Guten Abend noch." *leaves*

Dagmar: *long pause; blinks, holds up her hand* "I didn't...!" *trails off* *quietly* "I didn't get your name."

Dagmar heads home without bothering to call a taxi. She's twice soaked through by the time she gets there, where Dietmar is waiting; he frets and fusses and fetches a towel, clamoring to know where she's been and why she was gone so long and what on earth happened, then after finding out, scolding her for being so negligent. He gives her privacy to change, takes away her wet clothes to dry, wraps her in a blanket, brews up some hot tea. Dagmar pays little attention; her mind is elsewhere. She can't stop thinking of the soldier in the park. Despite his apparent desire to be alone, despite his limp and his old injury, despite his obvious discomfort just talking to her--she suspects he's rather poor, based on his faded uniform and his reaction to her wanting to call him a taxi--he did save her life, and make sure she was all right. One thing about him in particular struck her: How sad his eyes were. Despite that sadness, he looked out for her first. She can't get that expression out of her head.

Dagmar returns to the park several times over the following days, hoping to see him again, yet he doesn't show. Meanwhile, in an effort to get the constant niggling out of her head, she starts a portrait of him from memory. Dietmar sees this one day in the room she uses as a studio and frowns, puzzled, asking who he is; for some reason Dagmar feels ill at ease describing her interaction, so tells a small lie, claiming he's just somebody she imagined. She actually wonders a little if maybe it's so, when it suddenly hits her: He'd said he preferred to go out in the rain, to avoid people. It's been sunny ever since. Dagmar decides to wait until the weather is gloomy again before heading back out. Dietmar is of course confused, but just urges her to be more cautious this time, and please take an umbrella.

Dagmar reaches the park just as it starts to sprinkle and the few people there are leaving. Wanders around a while, growing a bit dispirited; at last, though, seated on a bench near the far side of the park where there's located a small open space planted with red poppies, she finds him, staring at the flowers bobbing in the rain. She notices on drawing closer that he's holding his gun on his lap; this makes her a little nervous, but she approaches him anyway. He actually jumps a little when she offers a cautious hallo, and stares at her, confused, for a moment until she mentions their previous meeting; she thinks at first that he doesn't remember her, though it soon becomes clear he was simply lost in thought. He surreptitiously puts his gun away and stands up--he has a new cane--offering to vacate the bench; when she says she actually hoped to run into him again, his confusion returns. She tries to explain how she hasn't been able to get their meeting out of her head, but she's not very good at clarifying why, and he seems perplexed as to why she'd be interested in talking with him. Trying a different tack, she finally just introduces herself, and asks his name. He replies, "Otto...Otto Himmel."

Dagmar's an intuitive sort, always keeping her eyes open for inspiration, whatever form it may take. To find a wounded soldier with the name Heaven staring at a field of poppies seems almost too obvious, yet here he is. They talk for a few moments, though he seems rather shy and ill at ease, and she senses he's humoring her more to be polite than anything. She doesn't keep him long, not wanting him to be uncomfortable, and they soon part ways although she expresses the hope they can talk again soon. He still seems perplexed, yet says nothing, just bobbing his head and wishing her good day as she goes.

In between dealing with Dietmar and working on her paintings--rainy landscapes, poppy fields, her unfinished portrait of the "sad-eyed soldier"--Dagmar returns to the park repeatedly over the following weeks, especially when it's gloomy. She always greets Otto when she runs across him, and attempts to engage him in conversation. The first several times are awkward; he seems almost to resent her presence although he never expresses it and is never anything but formal and polite--she gets the distinct feeling he'd really rather she left him alone. Remembering the way he was holding his gun in his lap that first time, however, convinces her to keep at it unless he should outright request her to leave, which he never does. And indeed, as time goes on, his ill humor fades into tolerance, then cautious acceptance. She does most of the talking and initiates the conversations; Otto is very soft spoken and drawn in on himself, keeps his head slightly lowered, rarely makes eye contact when they talk. It strikes her that he has more than physical wounds. He does tell her a little about himself when asked: His father died when he was very young, his mother when he was a teenager, so he enlisted in the army and served throughout the entirety of the Great War. (She learns later on that he was only fourteen when he joined, and lied about his age.) While in hospital recuperating from shell shock and a serious injury to his leg, he caught the flu and just barely pulled through while many of his fellow patients succumbed, though it all took its toll; promoted to Hauptmann, captain, he managed to hold on to his military post when most of the army was dissolved and reformed as the Reichswehr, though he does most of his work behind a desk now. Dagmar tells him about her life with Dietmar and hopes they might get to meet, also hoping he'll take the hint that she'd like to see him someplace other than the park sometime, yet he never suggests they do so; sensing that she'll have to be the one to make the first move, one day she finally does, and kisses him.

As soon as Dagmar pulls back and looks Otto in the eyes, she can tell she's made a mistake. He stares back at her for a moment, eyes wide like a deer in lights, before shooting to his feet so abruptly she jerks back. "I have to go," he blurts out, grabs his cane, turns, and hurriedly starts limping away. Confused and dismayed, Dagmar stands up too, holding out her hand--"Wait!--I'm sorry!"--thinking maybe he's a little more old fashioned than she'd thought, and she must have offended him--yet he keeps walking, and she really doesn't want to upset him further, so she refrains from following. After he's gone some distance, though, she notices his step slow, then stop; he hesitates, then turns back. He seems to be trying to gather himself for a moment before returning, albeit slowly and reluctantly. Dagmar stands and waits until he reaches her, halting several feet away, fingers fiddling at a button on his coat. He doesn't make eye contact at first, and can't seem to think of what to say, but Dagmar can tell it took everything he had just to make himself come back, so she hurries to say, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you," though Otto quickly shakes his head, still not looking at her.

Himmel: "You didn't. Just..." *trails off, long awkward pause* "I'm not very good at this."

Dagmar: "I think you're doing fine."

Himmel: "It's kind of you to say so." *pause* "I felt...at least I owe you an explanation for my rudeness."

Dagmar: "You don't owe me anything, Herr Otto. If I've made you uncomfortable, it's your right to step away. I'm only sorry that I did."

Himmel: *peers at her, finally making eye contact* *pause* "It's...not you in particular. I'm just...not very good around...people."

Dagmar: "If you'd like me to let you be..."

Himmel: *shakes head* "It's not that. I've enjoyed our talks. Just..." *trails off, looking very ill at ease*

Dagmar: *pause* "How about we continue talking then, ja...?"

Himmel: *peers at her again, seeming to relax a little* "Ja...I'd like that. Very much."

They continue with their talks and walks in the park, getting to know each other better. Contrary to his off-putting initial impression, once he starts to feel comfortable around her, Otto is actually quite pleasant to talk to, clearly well educated and well spoken and a good listener. His politeness isn't feigned; he seems to genuinely care about how his actions and words affect others. It isn't long before Dagmar notices a change every time she arrives to meet him; rather than his previous awkward sulkiness, he instead lights up a little to see her, sitting up a bit straighter rather than huddling in on himself, making eye contact. He also no longer sits with his gun in his lap, and they even meet on sunny days. He seems now to not only enjoy but look forward to her company.

There are still hints of insecurity, however. He immediately closes off when Dagmar suggests going to his place, so she changes tack again and asks if he would like to visit her place: "I'd like to show you some of my art, and you can meet Dietmar," she says. He looks ready to turn her down until her mention of Dietmar being there; that makes it obvious she has no more intimate ideas in mind, so he hesitantly agrees.

They walk to her house, as both seem to prefer it (despite his limp) and he declines the offer of a taxi. It's a pleasant excursion though he seems to grow quieter and uneasier the closer they get to her home; he peers at the big houses lining the quiet little street with its shade trees, shiny cars parked out front, and when she finally points out that they've arrived he pulls up short, fiddling with his buttons again and obviously reluctant to accompany her up the steps--"You live here?" he asks, stressing the "here" as if he'd rather be anywhere else. It takes some coaxing before he accompanies her up to the door, and after she lets them in he stands awkwardly in the foyer, drawn in, head lowered like old times. For some reason the house makes him anxious. When Dietmar appears a moment later, he's just as guarded and perplexed, asking, "Dagmar...? Who's this?" Dagmar introduces them, though she doesn't tell Dietmar how long the two of them have been meeting, knowing he'll be jealous and will wonder why she's never mentioned him before; still, she can tell from the look on his face that he recognizes the soldier from the painting she made, a person she'd claimed she imagined, so he's already caught her in a lie. Otto offers a quiet hallo and holds out his hand; Dietmar hesitates but shakes it and says hallo back. Dagmar feels both relief as well as a bit of hope that perhaps the two of them will get along. Despite this, Dietmar expresses mild disapproval when Dagmar asks Otto to follow her; she clarifies they're just going to see her studio, so he remains behind as they go. "I don't think he likes me," Otto murmurs, to which Dagmar reassures him, "He just worries about me a bit much. I'm sure he'll relax as he gets to know you." Otto seems skeptical, yet doesn't argue.

He appears awed at the sight of her studio: "This used to be the sunroom," Dagmar explains, "I thought it was the best room for art, the best light in the house." The room is full of paintings both finished and in progress, numerous landscapes, a few portraits and still lifes. Otto marvels over her work, identifying several places he's visited himself, then comes up short before his own portrait; Dagmar blushes and moves to cover it, not having intended him to see it, though he doesn't seem embarrassed, simply asking, "When did you paint this...?" Dagmar explains it was after their first meeting in the park; he furrows his brow and says, "You did this from memory...?" Dagmar shrugs a little; "Silly little skill of mine, I rarely forget a face," she murmurs. The two of them stare at each other a moment, then comes the sound of a throat clearing; they turn and see Dietmar hovering near the doorway, and exit the room. Dagmar invites Otto to stay for dinner, though Dietmar immediately protests that he's prepared food for only the two of them; Dagmar says she can fix an extra place but Otto demurs, insisting he needs to return home. Dagmar sees him off, though she does say she hopes they see each other again soon, and notices the way Dietmar bristles just slightly. Once Otto is gone he can no longer contain himself.

Dietmar: "A soldier--? A plainly destitute one at that! How could you let him in our house? What if he'd stolen something?"

Dagmar: "Oh, Dee! Why must you think the worst of everyone? Herr Otto's not a thief."

Dietmar: "And how do you know? You just know him from the park? He could be anyone! Might not even be a soldier! Who knows what he could've done if I hadn't been here."

Dagmar: "You're being silly! Of course he's a soldier, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, he served our country nobly. And so what if he had stolen something? As if we would even notice with everything we have? You should feel charity toward him, not suspicion. What's gotten into you?"

Dietmar: "I could ask the same of you! Dragging home random riffraff from the park. He could've done anything."

Dagmar: *bristling* "Otto is NOT riffraff! You'll stop with such names! Mother and Father taught us both better than this!"

Dietmar: *cowed* "I just...worry about you, is all. You trust everyone far too easily! What really do you even know about this person? He could be anyone. If I don't look out for you then who will...?"

Dagmar calms herself down, reassures her brother, but still his attitude bothers her. She decides not to mention the argument when she meets Otto again, though as they walk together, she notices how subdued he is, before he finally talks.

Himmel: "Something is wearing on you today."

Dagmar: "Huh...?"

Himmel: "You're oddly quiet." *pause* "It's Herr Dietmar, isn't it."

Dagmar: "Why would you think that?"

Himmel: "It's plain he doesn't think much of me."

Dagmar: "He's just overly cautious. He worries about me. A little too much."

Himmel: "You can't really blame him. The two of you seem close. What if he were the one to someday bring a strange person home with him? Somebody about whom you know nothing? I imagine you would worry, ja...?"

Dagmar: "Dietmar's the last person to just bring someone home. Anyway, he's an adult, I trust him to make good decisions for himself. I don't need him treating me like he's a mother hen."

Himmel: "Still...I wouldn't know from my own experience, but isn't this the way brothers and sisters are? Of course he'll worry about you, when you bring home a stranger."

Dagmar: "You're not a stranger, Herr Otto."

Himmel: "To him, I am. And even you really don't know much about me."

Dagmar sees an opening: She cautiously suggests she could know him better, could avoid the awkwardness of another meeting with Dietmar, if she were to visit his place instead. Otto promptly shrinks in on himself, but she refuses to let him close himself off this time, clasping his arm and coaxing. Seeing that withdrawing won't work, he starts offering excuses instead, yet she brushes them off until finally he says what she's been suspecting: "It, my place...I...haven't done quite as well for myself as you and your brother have...I don't have much to show you. Nothing at all like you have. Nothing much to see."

So, there's at least part of Otto's reluctance to open up too much to her: "You haven't much money?" Dagmar says, which makes him cringe and pull in further. She makes an amused noise: "Herr Otto, if not for my parents I'd have little money, too. It doesn't mean anything to me. It's you I enjoy talking to. And lots of people are hurting since the war, it's no reason to be ashamed." She at last manages after some more coaxing to get him to agree to a visit the next time they meet, though it's obvious he's still highly uncomfortable.

Dagmar doesn't tell her brother about her next meeting, and indeed avoids his niggling little attempts at bringing up the matter. She meets Otto in the park, and he makes a last effort to dissuade her--"I really have nothing to show you, it's just an apartment, there's nothing to see"--yet she persists, so he hangs his head a little and they leave the park, walking further into the city. The walk isn't even as long as hers. He brings her to a small kosher deli on a street corner; she's about to ask him, confused, "You live here--?" before he gestures and says, "This way," and they go around to the side of the building, toward the back; there's a door facing the sidewalk. Within, a little vestibule, and he leads her up a dark, rickety set of steps to a landing out front of another door which he unlocks before stepping aside--there's barely enough room for both of them to stand--and gesturing her forward. Dagmar slips past him and he turns on a lamp near the door, illuminating the tiniest living quarters she's ever seen.

Dagmar starts to look around while Otto remains near the still-open door, head lowered, drawn in on himself. Despite the apartment's minuscule size, dimness, and a damp chill in the air, it's in pristine condition, the small space swept and dusted and orderly. Granted, this is partly due to there being so little there to keep in order; there's hardly any decor or furnishings--a crucifix on the wall, a dresser with a few framed photos and religious artworks, a small bookshelf with a handful of books, a little table and chair, a cupboard, a bed. Dagmar looks out the lone window--"There's not much view," Otto says, which is true, it overlooks the side street and the building wall opposite, yet, "There's a nice clear view of the sky," Dagmar offers, looking up. She goes to the dresser and picks up an old photograph--a man, a woman, a toddler--"Your parents?" Dagmar asks, and he nods. Another photo shows only the woman and a young boy--even at that age, Dagmar recognizes his sad eyes. His mother has the same eyes. She gestures at the top drawer and he nods for her to go ahead, so she opens it and peers inside. Buried under some assorted knickknacks, toward the very back, she finds it: a medal. She carefully pulls it out and looks it over before casting Otto a surprised look.

Dagmar: "An Iron Cross...?"

Himmel: *shrugs*

Dagmar: "First Class. You were awarded twice." *perplexed look*

Himmel: "Doesn't mean anything. They gave them to everybody."

Dagmar stares at Otto a moment--he refuses to look back, just stares miserably at the floor--before carefully returning the Iron Cross to its spot and closing the drawer. She steps back to him and stops before him so he actually flinches a bit, shrinking in on himself even more. She pauses briefly before venturing, "Could I offer an observation...? About you?" Otto finally lifts his head a little and makes eye contact; he seems perplexed himself, yet nods.

Dagmar: "You seem...full of shame. Like you feel you're not good enough for anyone else...broken, or something. It's all right for you to tell me I'm wrong, am I anywhere near close...?"

Himmel: *looks mildly stricken at first, then winces & lowers his head even further*

Dagmar: "I'll take that as ja. I hope you know at least, if it's because of the war, you're not alone in it. There are many people who feel broken, not good enough, but that doesn't make it true--"

Himmel: "It's--" *Dagmar falls silent* "It's not because of the war..." *trails off*

Dagmar: *waits a moment* "Could you tell me...?"

Himmel: "I'm not sure you'd understand."

Dagmar: "I could try. Bitte, Herr Otto...?"

Himmel: *long pause* "When...when we were in the park, and you..." *trails off* "It isn't only that I'm not good with people. It's...I'm not sure how to explain it. You, you know paints...I know you do watercolors, but do you know more opaque pigments? Mixing colors? Oils, perhaps?"

Dagmar: "I've done a few oil paintings and I've mixed colors, ja."

Himmel: "Mix black and white, you get gray."

Dagmar: "This I know, ja."

Himmel: "When I was young I watched my mother make a few paintings. She mixed the paints a certain way and I asked her why. When you mix the gray, how do you do it? What color do you start with?"

Dagmar: "White."

Himmel: "Mother did it the same way. She said it was wrong to start out with black paint."

Dagmar: *furrows brow* "What is it you're trying to say?"

Himmel: "Start out with white paint, add a little bit of black, you get gray paint. Light gray, yet still gray. Start out with black paint, add a little bit of white...you get nearly black. Black overpowers white. It's almost like it...consumes it. Snuffs out all the light." *pauses* "You and I...you're like the white paint, and I'm the black."

Dagmar: "How do you mean?"

Himmel: "I take away all the light. Make everything I touch gray."

Dagmar: "What makes you think this?"

Himmel: "I know you saw it. When you looked at the photograph. My mother was the same way. The reason I joined the army so young...I had nowhere else to go. She took her life when I was fourteen."

Dagmar: *stunned* "Herr Otto...I'm so sorry."

Himmel: "I know it sounds odd but I've never been angry with her for leaving me behind. I know she tried. Held on as long as she could. But it consumed her, too. And when I was born she passed it on to me. Like a curse."

Dagmar: "Herr Otto, you're not cursed."

Himmel: "I know not a literal curse...just...something wrong in the head, some bad gene or something...I'm not sure if you know about genes. Just some error in your makeup that you pass on to the next generation. Like a curse. You can fight it, but it's always there. Nothing can make it go away." *pauses* "You and I...you're the white paint, and I'm the black. You bring light wherever you go...I take the light away. Make everything I touch gray. It's not something I will to happen. It's better to just keep to myself."

Dagmar: *pause* "Herr Otto..." *trails off; after a long pause, approaches & takes his hands--he looks at her, a bit startled* "Herr Otto, you're not cursed. No one is pure white or pure black. Everything has at least a little bit of the other. Even I have a little black. Even you have a little white. Everything is somewhere in between. In the gray. You don't darken everything you touch...you just bring out what's already there."

Otto stares at her. After a moment Dagmar leans toward him and tentatively kisses him. He still tenses up a little, yet then relaxes, and he doesn't pull away.

He wakes her early the next morning, seeming embarrassed and sheepish, apologizing that he has to head to the military office where he does secretarial work since being injured. He gives her a bit of privacy to straighten herself out, and she takes a moment while he's busy getting ready himself to take a pen and piece of paper from his shelf and write him a little letter which she tucks under the bedcover for him to find later. As they go down the steps she asks if the deli is open and she can fetch something to eat; he says it is--the Jewish couple who own the place are the ones who rent him his apartment--and goes outside to wait for her on the sidewalk. While the woman waits on her at the counter, her husband suddenly comes hurrying out of the back with a broom in his hand, heading for the exit; the two women turn to look out the window just in time to see Otto swing and punch someone else standing in front of him. "Dietmar--!" Dagmar exclaims, and rushes outside after the deli owner.

As soon as she rounds the store corner--Otto, Dietmar, and the deli owner with his broom all confronting each other--Dietmar spots her and points accusingly at Otto.

Dietmar: "He hit me! You saw? Just attacked me! For no reason! I told you he's trouble!"

Dagmar: *looking at Himmel* "Otto--?"

Himmel: *stricken look; then scowls, but says nothing*

Deli owner: "That's a lie, der Herr! He had very good reason!" *turning to Dagmar* "I don't know this man, Fräulein, but I know Herr Himmel and he's decent folk. You may not have seen everything but I sure did!" *shakes broom at Dietmar* "This fellow came along and looks like he picked a fight with Herr Himmel. Just minding his own business. He threw the first punch! Just his lousy luck he missed and Herr Himmel got him instead! It was self-defense if anything at all."

Dagmar reproaches her brother--"What's gotten into you?"--even as he feebly tries to defend himself, claiming he was worried after she failed to return the previous night and so went out looking--questioning strangers in the park resulted in nothing, as none of them knew Himmel by name, so he tried a tavern where soldiers were known to gather, remembering that Himmel was one of them. Even they, however, had no idea who he was talking about (a foreign concept to Dietmar, who assumes all soldiers just know each other), except one, who informed him that "Hauptmann Himmel" never frequented bars, but he did know that he lived above a Jewish deli. By then it was late at night and Dietmar had to head home emptyhanded ("I got no sleep!--worrying dreadfully about you!"); he set out again early the next morning, easily locating the deli, but needing to wait until Himmel appeared. He again tries to protest that he was defending himself, which makes the deli owner shake his broom a second time--"You know very well you threw the first punch, der Herr!--as Gott is my witness!"--which makes Dietmar throw up his hands and exclaim, "Well then, why, if he's so damned innocent, won't he defend himself?--has someone cut your throat, Herr Hauptmann?--you had plenty to say when I was asking after my sister!" Himmel still says nothing so Dagmar finally puts herself between the two, telling the deli owner she can handle things now, asking Himmel to wait nearby and give her a moment, then reproaching Dietmar again: "I don't know what's come over you, Dee, but this needs to stop, now. We're both adults. I can look after myself, and you need to do the same. If I wish to spend time in Herr Otto's company then it's my right, and you have to accept that. I'm sorry I didn't call to let you know where I was, but you need to act more reasonably. You don't go attacking people! You're better than this! Now head on home and we'll discuss this more later today, I promise. I'm sorry I worried you so and I won't do it again. But you need to act responsibly, too."

She kisses Dietmar goodbye, waits firmly for him to leave; he does so only reluctantly, casting Himmel a dark look as he goes. The deli owner heads back inside as well, leaving Dagmar and Himmel alone. "Did he hit you...?" Dagmar asks, feeling foolish; Himmel shakes his head. She asks him the same thing as Dietmar--why didn't he speak up to defend himself? Himmel doesn't make eye contact as he replies, "He's your brother. Why should you believe me over him?"

Himmel heads off to his work and Dagmar takes a brief time to walk off her frustration in the park--stopping by the poppy field to take a few steadying breaths to calm herself down--before heading back home. She dreads dealing further with Dietmar's petulance but knows it'll just get worse if not nipped in the bud. To her relief, he mostly holds his tongue and only scowls a little as she explains the situation, though he does finally blurt out, "Did you sleep with him?" "It's none of your business what I did or didn't do with him!" Dagmar retorts, feeling a rare surge of anger, "And don't you dare ask me such questions again, do you understand?" Her sharp tone seems to cow him, and he backs down; "I just worry about you, is all--you're all I have left," he says plaintively, and she sighs and grasps his hands, saying that she knows, and promising to keep him apprised of where she is and what she's doing from now on, though he'll have to accept that she has a life of her own, too.

Himmel doesn't get in touch with her the rest of that day, which isn't too surprising considering he has no telephone. She looks for him in the park the next day, but he isn't there. Same thing the day after, and after that. Starting to worry, she asks after him in the deli; is told he goes out and comes home from work as always, though aside from that, and picking up necessities, he hasn't gone out, not even for a walk. She goes up to his apartment and knocks; he cracks the door and peers out. She notices how his expression darkens uncharacteristically as soon as he sees her.

Dagmar: "Hallo, Herr Otto."

Himmel: "Guten Tag."

Dagmar: "You haven't been to the park lately, are you feeling well...?"

Himmel: "Just busy is all."

Dagmar: "Busy here at home...?" *no response* "May I come in?"

Himmel: "I'm not sure it's a good idea."

Dagmar: "This is about Dietmar, ja? I've already explained things to him, his behavior was quite irrational--"

Himmel: "Except it wasn't." *Dagmar falls silent* "His actions, perhaps. But not the thought behind them. You two are close. Family. I shouldn't come between that."

Dagmar: "You haven't."

Himmel: "He's afraid of losing you. You have me, but he has no one. Isn't that what you said?"

Dagmar: "He still has me. I have time for both of you."

Himmel: "Yet he's your blood, and blood is most important. I'll be fine." *starts to close the door but Dagmar blocks him*

Dagmar: "You're not getting rid of me so easily and I'm not leaving you to wallow in your thoughts. Black paint! Same as Dietmar doesn't decide things for me, neither do you. Now let me in? Bitte? I want only to talk right now."

Himmel reluctantly lets her in. He listens mostly in silence, head lowered, as she goes over again what she went over before, that there's no shame in him defending himself, she has time for both him and Dietmar, he's no burden on her, and whatever trouble she has to deal with is her decision. Himmel replies only when prompted to, awkwardly explaining that the confrontation with Dietmar just seemed to confirm all his feelings about being "cursed": "I know there's no literal curse...in case you think me mad...yet I don't know how else to explain. This dark thing that just trails along behind someone down the years. I carry it, my mother carried it, her mother or father likely carried it and on and on. I know I can't literally pass it on to you but...it's like snuffing out a candle, it's still there darkening everything. Maybe your brother is right, just not in the way he thinks he is. I'm not good for you." "If you're bad for me, then that's still my decision to make," Dagmar says. "I choose whatever I get into with you. You don't trust me to make my own choices?" When Himmel insists this isn't what he means, she replies, "It's settled, then. If you're cursed, then you're my curse to deal with. But you know you're not. Let me deal with Dietmar for now. I hope the two of you can get along someday, though."

Himmel is still skeptical but agrees to let her decide for herself whether he's worth dealing with or not. He sees her to the door when she says she has to get back to Dietmar, yet suddenly remembers something and tells her to wait a moment; he retrieves something from the dresser and hands it to her--an envelope. "What is this?" Dagmar asks, curious; "The letter you left the last time," Himmel says, "a response." He says he wrote it before he was sure whether he'd talk to her again or not; he asks her not to read it until she's back home. Dagmar takes the letter--a bit surprised, as she'd forgotten about the one she left--and after the briefest hesitation kisses him before leaving.

Dagmar visits the park the next day, and finds him there, seated on the bench waiting for her; his face actually lights up a little. They resume their walks, with something new added: She replies to his letter with one of her own, and he reciprocates. It's odd, and a bit old fashioned, but she finds it charming, and he seems almost more comfortable communicating through writing than through speech; things that make his tongue stumble come out more easily through a pen. Despite the obvious poverty he and his family grew up in, his mother made sure he got a decent education, and he's very well read on numerous subjects (Dagmar is actually the one to spark his interest in fiction books), speaks several languages (and reads them as well), is a rather skilled fencer. One thing she learns about him is the main reason he was so ill at ease when she kissed him in the park; he admits that the first time he'd been with a woman was just before he went to the Western Front--at age fourteen--and it involved a pair of prostitutes. He went through with it only to avoid the mockery of his older fellow soldiers, and didn't enjoy the experience at all--it was humiliating and rather painful and the women kept pushing at him to participate despite his protests and obvious reluctance. He'd avoided dealing too closely with women ever since--Dagmar is only the second. Not wanting to add to his apparent shame, Dagmar simply says, "They should have let you be when you asked...it doesn't change my opinion of you though, Otto." She can literally see a weight leave his shoulders; he takes a breath, sits up a bit straighter, makes hesitant eye contact. When she grasps his hand he grasps hers back.

Time and the seasons pass and Dagmar and Himmel become close. Dietmar never really gets over his own spite; when Himmel comes to their house and holds out his hand for him to shake and make up, Dietmar refuses, and eats by himself rather than join them for dinner. Himmel is discouraged by this, but Dagmar takes up his time and thoughts so he doesn't dwell on it too much. Dietmar, too, is distracted by his medical studies; he finally earns his medical degree, and Dagmar lavishes him with praise. Even Himmel comments--to Dagmar, of course--that this is quite an accomplishment and her brother should be proud. His new title and job take up enough of Dietmar's time that for a while, the bitterness that rankles between the two men simmers down; they still avoid each other, but at least it isn't so tense anymore.

One day in the park, near the poppy field, Himmel stands in front of Dagmar and takes a small box out of his coat pocket; he hesitates and shrinks in on himself a little before seeming to try to shake it off, kneeling, and opening the box for her to see. Dagmar takes in a breath; inside is a ring, a plain simple band without a stone, yet she knows he must have used up quite a few of his savings to buy it. He again has that look as if he expects to be humiliated. Knowing he must have spent quite a while summoning up every ounce of courage he has, Dagmar doesn't pause long before holding out her left hand; Himmel blinks, then removes the ring from the box and slides it on her finger. He still seems uncertain until Dagmar smiles and murmurs, "Ja," and kisses him.

Figuring out the next step is considerably more complex. No matter what their feelings for each other, the class difference between Himmel and Dagmar is stark and difficult to reconcile; as he will be the husband, he expects to be the provider, yet all he has is his secretarial job for the army, which barely covers his own expenses, including his tiny city apartment over the deli. Dagmar, meanwhile, comes from money, doesn't have to work for a living (though she does sell an artwork now and then), and lives in her spacious house in a residential neighborhood. She is obviously more of a breadwinner than Himmel is. Her residence is also the far better choice, especially if they wish to start a family--Dagmar certainly longs for children, and when she broaches the subject to him, Himmel clearly hopes for the same thing--yet Dietmar, as expected, proves to be an obstacle, objecting stridently to the marriage proposal alone--there's no way to convince him and Himmel to live together under the same roof without a fight. For the time being, there's no other option but for Dagmar to move in with Himmel.

After their brief and simple wedding--just the two of them, a priest, and a witness, and Dagmar assumes the surname Himmel-Kammler, in the hopes that such a compromise will signal to both men how she feels about them--Dagmar goes to fetch a few belongings from her house. Dietmar promises to keep her artworks and supplies safe--he even insists she's still welcome to stay, no matter what her marriage situation--but Dagmar replies that she can't stay there without Himmel. Dietmar is devastated to be left on his own; Dagmar notices the tears in his eyes and hugs him, vowing that she'll be sure to visit him frequently enough that it will hardly be as if she left; as he hugs her back, Dietmar murmurs, "The moment he lets you down, you come right back, and all will be forgiven and forgotten, ja?" Dagmar realizes just how deep the spite between her brother and her husband is, and bites her tongue.

Himmel is similarly anxious when she returns with her things--he wonders whether she'll miss her sunroom, her paintings, her freedom. "You're not holding me hostage, Otto!" she exclaims as she puts things away in the drawer he's provided. "For now this is our home. I can make a painting here just as much as I can there. It's not where you are, it's your state of mind." She pauses, looks around, and says with a trace of concern, "Though I admit, it's rather small for a family..."

She notices how Himmel blinks when she says family, as if it's occurred to him at last that this is genuine. He approaches and clasps her face, looking her in the eyes--Dagmar's surprised by the certainty there, something she's not used to from him--and promises, "We'll make it work," and kisses her.

Dagmar spends her time between her tiny new home, visiting Dietmar (he's kept busier now that he's a doctor), and painting in the park, which is closer now that she lives with Himmel. He often joins her when not working; whenever Dietmar shows up, he retreats, so the two can spend time alone. It breaks Dagmar's heart that they can't resolve their differences, though trying to discuss it with either of them always results in the same: Himmel says he would like to get along with Dietmar yet Dietmar absolutely refuses to cooperate, while Dietmar vehemently opposes any idea of even trying, still insisting that Himmel ("that dirt-poor soldier") is nothing but bad news for her. She tries to comfort herself with the fact that at least Himmel doesn't seem to feel the same way about her brother, and still hopes that someday Dietmar will come around. Himmel, despite his lack of an artistic bent, seems to enjoy watching her sketch and paint, and they still enjoy taking walks and sitting in the little poppy field, which Himmel tells her reminds him of Ypres. (He doesn't talk much about the war, though does share freely when asked; for example he relates one odd experience late in the war when he unexpectedly came face to face with an American soldier, both of them pausing a moment in surprise before Himmel, away from his unit, turned and went running with the American in close pursuit, managing to hide in a trench. As it turns out, he has a much-later, similar run-in with the same soldier in the second war, after which this soldier--going by the codename Camo Rat--relates both experiences to his corporal, Drake, commenting that the first time he'd been so surprised because the German soldier looked so young--"I swear he was hardly more than a kid.") Despite the size of their apartment, they find ways to enjoy themselves there as well, with Dagmar bringing home a radio--a luxury Himmel had never indulged in--and the two of them singing and dancing and laughing at the silliness of it. The activity they enjoy most of all, however, is writing little letters to each other, and leaving them for each other to find whenever they part ways.

Finally, a sign Dagmar has been hoping and waiting for: She misses her period, then another one. At-home pregnancy tests aren't a thing, and it's still rather early to visit a doctor (even there, results are often iffy), so she tries to be patient and wait a bit longer and see if anything changes; indeed, she starts feeling nauseated so Himmel, concerned, brings her ginger tea and saltines from the deli downstairs. She plans to tell him once she's sure of the reason, but never gets the chance; one day while he's at work, she starts cramping terribly, and then bleeding. She knows exactly what it is and so stays at home, curling up in the bed and crying to herself; Himmel finds her like this when he gets home in the evening, and only gradually coaxes the story out of her of what's happened. Despite the cost of it and her insistence that it's not needed, he calls a doctor to come see her; he confirms that a pregnancy was lost, and advises bed rest for a while. Dagmar has no desire to get up or resume any of her projects anyway; Himmel takes a sick leave to look after her, and after returning to work, has the deli owner's wife check in on her while he's away, and spends every moment of his own time with her. When she wonders aloud if something is wrong with her, or if somehow this is her fault, he urges her to not think such things: "Remember what you told me. You're not broken and you're not cursed. Sometimes...things just happen. None of this is your fault." He also cuts her off when she says she understands if she's disappointed him: "You're my light. There's nothing you could ever do to disappoint me."

After several more days, he coaxes her to get up, to leave the apartment with him. She hasn't been out in weeks, and it's clear he's worried. She resists at first, but he keeps at her, reminding her of things that she's told him when his mood was similar; "I'll be there beside you, all the way," he says, and she decides she should at least humor him. They walk to the park and slowly stroll the paths, though Dagmar's heart isn't in it; strangely, when she admits this, Himmel doesn't seem surprised or upset: "It's not something you snap out of, Liebe, no matter how beautiful everything around you." "What does it feel like, then...?" Dagmar asks, and he pauses before replying, "Like you've been drowning, but now you're floating up to the surface of the water. Slow. Hard to breathe. But you make it. If you keep swimming."

Every evening when he returns from work he takes her to the park to walk. And one day, she finally feels it; as they sit looking over the little poppy field, the clouds move in, the sunlight fades, and it starts to sprinkle rain. The other people in the park slowly drift away, seeking shelter, yet Himmel and Dagmar stay seated; she lifts her head to peer up at the clouds, shuts her eyes, feels the raindrops striking her face--they aren't cold, but warm, soothing. She takes a breath and her heart still hurts, but for the first time she doesn't feel like she's drowning. Himmel keeps hold of her while she cries the hardest she has ever since the loss.

After a few more days, she tells him she'd like to try again. He seems worried that she may be moving too fast, says there's no hurry, asks her if she's sure. Dagmar replies she's never been surer: A family is what she's wanted more than anything in her life, and she feels ready again, because of him. Himmel is still cautious and insists that this time they'll maintain contact with a doctor throughout the process, but finally agrees to a second attempt.

Dagmar had never told Dietmar about her first pregnancy, knowing he wouldn't take it well and not wanting to deal with him over it, but it isn't possible to avoid telling him a second time, as she anxiously passes the first few months and then starts to show. When it looks as if this time will be better, she invites him to lunch at a cafe, hoping the public atmosphere will help him hold his tongue. Indeed, he sits silently as she updates him on how things have been going; the look on his face makes it clear he still wishes she and Himmel weren't together, but he doesn't protest or argue. When he just continues to sit silent after she finishes, she fidgets a bit and then blurts out, "I wish you'd talk with me, Dee! Bitte, say something, at least...?" Dietmar hesitates a moment as if trying to think of the best way to put things, then speaks.

Dietmar: *cautiously* "Do you want it...?"

Dagmar: *furrows brow* "What...?"

Dietmar: "Do you want to be rid of it?"

Dagmar: *stunned silent for a moment* "Why would you ask that...?"

Dietmar: "This isn't why you wanted to talk with me...? I do know people, discreet people, who can handle it if you like..."

Dagmar: *firmly* "Dietmar." *pauses; he peers at her* "For the sake of our relationship I'll pretend you never said such a horrid thing. And if you wish to keep speaking with me you'll never think that again. Of course I want it. And I thought that you should know, because this is what family does. Otto and I are family now. Whether you approve or not. It's been long enough and this is something you have to accept. Otherwise I'm not sure what we have left to say to each other."

Dietmar: "Dagmar--" *reaches across the table to clasp her hands, a desperate note in his voice* "I didn't mean to offend. I just...want what's best for you."

Dagmar: "And you think I don't?"

Dietmar: "How are you going to care for it? You live on a floor the size of a postage stamp. He makes nothing! He can hardly provide for you!"

Dagmar: *pulling hands free* "Our apartment is fine. He makes enough. And even if I have to pay, I will. We'll make it work. This is what I've always wanted, Dee, and it kills me that you just can't accept that. I've done everything I can to get through to you, I don't know what you want me to say."

Dietmar: "Dag..." *trails off, lowering head* "I want you to be happy."

Dagmar: "And so do I." *pauses* "Maybe you don't believe it, but I want you to be happy, too. I want you to be part of our lives. That's why I came to talk with you." *long pause; takes his hand & stands* "I have to go now...at least think it over? It'd mean the world to me if the three of us could be friends. Because we already are family. Mach's gut, Dee."

Dietmar: *abruptly seizing her hand back* "Dagmar--" *pauses to gather himself* "If you need anything. Absolutely anything." *pauses* "Not him. But you. No matter what, no matter why. Ask me. I won't keep asking you to leave him. I don't think I can ever be his friend, but for you, anything you want or need. No strings. No obligations. You'll ask...?"

Dagmar's anger softens; it's not entirely what she was hoping for, but it's something. She squeezes her brother's hand back. "I will," she promises. "Mach's gut, Dee," and she leaves.

Himmel asks her how it went when they're together again. "Not nearly as badly as I feared it would," she admits, "Perhaps after the baby is born, he'll come around...?" Himmel looks skeptical, yet holds his tongue.

One evening while they're together at home, Himmel working on some papers, Dagmar contemplates her belly--she's almost due--and murmurs, "Otto, what were your parents' names...?"

Himmel: *absently* "My parents?...my father's name was Kolten...my mother's was Anna Maria."

Dagmar: *pensive* "Anna Maria...?"

Himmel: "Why...?"

Dagmar: *hands on belly* "We haven't even thought of any names yet."

Himmel: "Names...?" *lifts head; gets up & approaches* "What about your parents?"

Dagmar: *murmurs* "Father's name was Dietmar." *smiles ruefully at Himmel's expression* "Hardly seems appropriate."

Himmel: "What about your mother, what was her name...?"

Dagmar: *pauses* "Mother's name was Anna Maria." *peers up at Himmel, who looks stunned* "Seems almost like one of those signs you look for, doesn't it...?" *looks down at her belly again* "So...Kolten, or Anna Maria...I guess we're settled, then."

At last comes the day when it's time to go to hospital; Himmel has no car, so he has the deli owner call a taxi. (Although in pain, Dagmar takes the chance while he's distracted to hastily write a short letter and push it under the bedclothes like the first time.) Once there, he's not allowed in the delivery room, so Dagmar's last view of her husband is of him standing in the hall watching after her, his eyes both worried and hopeful. Then she nearly forgets about him for a while as the labor is especially painful and strenuous; she yells quite a bit as the doctor and nurses encourage her, and finally the pressure lets up and she sucks in a breath--the doctor stands up with a wriggling baby in his arms and smiles at Dagmar, saying, "A lovely boy!" Dagmar smiles back faintly, exhausted but relieved...yet then she starts feeling drowsy and heavy, her head getting foggy. The corners of her vision dim and the air feels thicker so she has to try hard to take in another breath. "Frau Himmel-Kammler...? Frau Himmel-Kammler...!" she dimly hears a nurse calling, her voice seeming far away; "She's bleeding out," the doctor says, and it sounds like her ears are full of water; "We're losing her," then nothing but murmuring. She feels like she's sinking away from the surface, and remembers someone once told her that when she was sinking, to swim; who was that? Another memory of breaking the water's surface, the sad eyes staring down at her, offering a lifeline; that's right, it was Himmel, Heaven, reaching out for her long ago that day in the park.

"Otto," Dagmar whispers, letting out a breath, and her eyes slowly drift shut.

[Dagmar Himmel-Kammler 2023 [‎Friday, ‎June ‎2, ‎2023, ‏‎3:00:31 AM]]

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[freeusefiction]

“Hey, you two,” said Lisa, like a classroom teacher scolding her pupils. “What’s going on? Our guest is trying to give a presentation.”

“Sorry, Lisa,” said Max. “Andre was just pointing out that Melissa, I mean Miss Madison, has an amazing butt.”

“Seriously?” the boss said, incredulously. “Can you guys be any more immature?”

“That’s ok,” said Melissa. “I get that all the time,” she added with nary a hint of humility. “Gentlemen, would it help if you took a better look at it?” Without waiting for a response, she lifted her skirt and revealed that she wasn’t wearing underwear of any kind underneath.

“Oh yeah, that’s nice,” said Andre. “Grade A.”

“I mean, if you want to, you can come over and touch it. Grope it, smack it, rub it. I don’t mind.”

There was no way that Andre was missing out on such an opportunity. Immediately, he got up and went around the table, practically jogging, arriving at a spot just behind the pharmaceutical rep. Reaching out, he touched that magnificent derrière.

“Oh boy,” he said, feeling the taut and simultaneously smooth skin. “Max, come over here, you must feel this!”

His friend came over and started assisting him in kneading Melissa’s buttocks. Somehow, she was able to continue giving her presentation, something about clinical tests and consumer projections and such. Still, Andre could feel that she was getting excited.

First, she gave out a slight moan each time he pinched her, and second, an extreme warmth was escaping her pussy. Lisa was glaring at both of the guys, but Melissa had given the go-ahead, so it was ok.

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“Yes!” said Max. “Can I fuck you?”

“Of course, silly. Both of you can, actually. As long as you take these first.” She produced, from a little case, two clear pastilles and gave one to each of them.

“Is that…?”

“Yes, Enduravex. Go ahead, take it.”

Without giving it a second thought, Andre swallowed the pill, and so did Max. Mere seconds later, he felt a rather novel sensation, centered in the area just below his belt. His dick had been getting harder from groping Melissa’s ass, anyway, but this was something else. Something much more powerful.

“I guess there’s no better way to tell you about the drug than demonstrate,” said Melissa and took her shirt off, letting her average-size titties swing loose. She squatted down on her three-inch heels and looked up at them.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Whip them out.”

Both guys scrambled to get their dicks out, and moments later, she had one in each hand, jerking them off. “You see, two perfectly average cocks,” she said before opening her mouth and taking Andre’s halfway inside.

He was legitimately the harder he had ever been in his life, but the way she sucked it was out of this world. He hadn’t been with her before, so he couldn’t tell if it was the drug that enhanced his pleasure or if she was just a very good cock sucker, and he didn’t really care. He let a moan and almost came immediately.

“Don’t fight it,” she said as soon as she came up for air. “Come down my throat, I guarantee you’ll be ready again in no time. A young virile man like you, there’s no doubt about it.”

Well, she was the expert, so Andre decided to heed her advice, and then some. He grabbed her head and forced the full length of his pole inside her willing esophagus. He started pumping her face, and she went completely limp, like a good slut. She let him use her as a fuck toy, and pretty soon he was ready.

“I’m coming! Oh God, I’m coming!” he shouted out when one of the most powerful orgasms of his life hit his whole body. He ejaculated so much that it started dripping from the sides of her mouth. Her eyes had gone as wide as possible, and maybe she was also surprised at the volume, or maybe she was just acting.

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