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bronx-bomber87 · 11 months

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Holiday weekend gave me no time till now ha We hit our halfway point with the last review just realized. Exciting! ha S1 only has 20 eps. So we're making our way through S1 hehe. Appreciate you all reading and doing this journey with me truly. That being said lets move onto episode 11.

1x11- 'Redwood'

Gotta love Lucy. Little miss sunshine. Only one excited about their OT adventure for the VP. Everyone else sees discomfort and she sees an opportunity. Saying they deal with grumpy people all day anyways might as well get OT. She's amped to have the money to fix her a/c. Tim of course tells her it'll make her soft, she has to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Jackson asking if Tim is serious LOL Oh Jackson you have no idea how serious he is haha

Tim’s face right here. LOL I paused it for a second and it was this shot. If this isn’t them in a moment, especially if the early years. I don’t know what is heh. She’s all smiles and he’s a grumpy bear baha Judging her for all her positivity and sunshine she sends his way. god I love them so much.

They’re getting super loaded up for the day. Lucy all of a sudden looks so very overwhelmed. Tim closes the scene like only Tim can. ‘But hey least you’ll get to ride in comfort’ 😂 such a bristly bear but he’s her bristly bear haha

Tim and Lucy get called to clear out a homeless encampment. Lucy breaks up a fight and is thrown down. Tim notices the dirty needle minute she gets up. The instant worry on Lucy’s face is evident. When she sees that needle sticking out of her leg.... I can’t blame her I would be the same way. The panic and anxiety would consume me. Tim knows this about Lucy and instantly goes in protect/distract mode.

It’s just like in 1x09 when she was stressed about delivering the baby. What did Tim do? Distracted her with a Tim Test. He knows he has to channel her emotions into something else. If he doesn’t she’s going to spiral out of control. The soft but commanding way he talks to her is perfection. Going over step by step what to do in this situation. He can't control what happened but he can control how she reacts.

Trying to keep her even keel with procedure and a game plan. He’s so damn good at this with her. Reminds me of my leader at work. Knows exactly when I’m about to spiral And de-escalates the panic and worry. Tim knows he has to keep her calm before they can head to the hospital. Amazing to watch him instantly command that situation and protect her from herself. You can see the stress on his face when she walks away, but refuses to let her see that.

I do think that stress bleeds over to when they arrive. The way he is incensed at her being told to sit in the lobby. I saw a post one time said sunshine (being Lucy) and sunshine protector. Clearly that’s Tim. If this scene could be boiled down to one sentence. It would be this. He's protecting his sunshine right now. The way he basically eats the nurse alive for her. Phew lord. Protective Tim is a fav of mine. He’s already trying to keep her mentally calm and this delay will only make it worse. She’ll get inside her head and self destruct. Tim demands for her seen/tested ASAP. He's scared the nurse shitless so it happens.

This nurse sure as hell will never forget this procedure after this. Tim basically chewed him up and spit him back out. Poor Lucy is on the verge of a breakdown and Tim makes sure she’s taken care of. Him eating this nurse alive is his way of showing he cares. It's also the best way he can control this situation for Lucy. He’s so very right that she can’t just sit with civilians. She’s nearly in tears when they head to her room, but she knows Tim has her back. Its one less thing to worry about.

Tim comes back to her exam room to see her on her phone. She’s fallen down the Web-Md hole before he could stop her. He goes right back into protect mode, with a side helping of logical/tough love T.O. his usual M.O for Lucy. Especially when she is beyond the point of logic. I feel you Lucy I get the same way. Tim's purpose right now is to right her mental ship.

Her panic spiral is in full force at this point. Poor girl is a mess. The amount of scenarios she's running through is immense. Her panic/anxiety is ruling her. Luckily she has Tim with her. He meets each panic attack/scenario she's having with solid logic. Trying his best to deter her from worst case scenario thinking. Because at the moment that is where she is living. He's trying to shake her out of it.

He adds some tough love in there with his concern. Wouldn't be Tim if he didn't. Letting her know this was the job she signed up for regardless of the outcome. Sometimes it’s just what she needs to get back to reality. That perspective Tim gives her brings Lucy back to dry land emotionally. Giving her a chance to catch her breath. He knows she's drowning right now and he's throwing her an emotional life saver. The only way he knows how.

Then Tim does what he does best. Distracts her with work. Once he's gotten her to a more stable place, he makes a funny jab about her a/c. Trying to get her to smile/laugh. Cracks me up when he replies how he can’t fix all her problems in one day LOL Lucy laughs for the first time since this happened. Huge Victory for Tim. Massive growth for him as well to take the time to make her laugh. Show he cares about her. Its not just him calming down his trainee. He’s got this beautiful mixture of protecting her/empathy/tough love and touch of logic. Just the combo she needs to self regulate and reset.

Like I said earlier he’s so damn good at this with her. Knows exactly what to do in these moments. He only gets better the closer and longer they work together. It’s a thing of beauty to watch develop. In this moment specifically. Just letting her know it’s going to be ok, even if ultimately it won’t be and she gets infected. It will still be Ok. That is a wonderful thing to do for someone who’s in a heightened fight or flight mode. Tim does it masterfully for her.

That looks of relief on her face and that slight smile on his is amazing. He knows he's gotten her through this portion. Lucy is taking a deep breath for the first time since that needle stuck her. They're both in a much better place than when they got here.

I love what a BAMF work duo they are in this scene. Also doesn't hurt Lucy saying she needs Tim. Its not in the way we all are thinking haha but lovely to hear none the less. Honestly them just standing next to one another is a wonder to behold. They exude chemistry.

I do love how his eyes shift to her during it all. Checking in on her even without her knowing it. Constant protection mode this entire episode. Tim makes another joke about he can’t leave her alone for a minute hehe When we know he’s proud of her for catching this woman in first place. She took care of business and saved a man's life.

Ahhhh this scene. The first and probably most popular OTP Tag for them. ‘Doing my job’ Another crack in the wall that is Tim Bradford. The art is the crack growing. The artist Lucy Chen.

That slight smile he gives her before he takes off is everything. His last bit of comfort headed her way before he has to go. Such a huge moment for them. What I've always loved about Chenford and their slow burn is the small things. They add up to the incredible bond that is formed. This is one of those iconic moments for them as a ship. If you’re not paying attention you’ll miss it all together. To say I love them is an understatement baha it’s why I’m doing these reviews. To analyze them from beginning to end. They are a beautiful thing to watch unfold.

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Side notes. Non chenford

I do enjoy Jackson’s SL in this one a lot. I can relate to family drama and having that invade your work space. To have family ask a lot of you and want you to put something you wanna do on hold for them. It’s a huge burden Jackson had placed on him. He didn’t tell Lopez but told Lucy she needed one last distraction with Tim gone. e’s there when she gets the results she’s ok. Tells her he will call Tim for her. Jackson was always such a solid A+ friend to her.

That is it for ep 11. Woo! As usual feel free to like/comment I'll always reply to comments/reblog whatever your heart desires haha See you in 1x12

#Caitlin rewatches The Rookie #chenford #chenford hiatus #summer rewatch #waiting on s6 #s1 #1x11 Redwood #tim x lucy #tim bradford #lucy chen #lucy x tim #the rookie #otp: doing my job #eric winter #melissa o'neil #tim bradford x lucy chen

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invincible-selfxmade-punk · 7 months

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I have stopped screaming and crying and now I am just numb. I guess that is a bit of a breakthrough because normally I don't scream and cry at all until much later.

I think it's the autism I have always had a severely delayed reaction to things but this time it was so bad it just took me over.

I opened up Facebook to find that yet another friend of mine took his own life.

I am almost to the point that either I am losing count of the friends and relatives who have died by Suicide or I am just breaking down and blocking them all out.

That was my friend Ben. By the time I met him he was already in a relationship and so was I but we hung out a lot. We would send each other songs that we liked and I was really attracted to him. That is not a very good picture he was so much more handsome on his better days.

It's like meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife

The girl on my other side is his girlfriend Laura and they were together for years. Then I'm not sure what happened but suddenly they were not posting together on Facebook anymore and Ben was posting more and more rather scary sounding statuses.

He had told me that he had tried to kill himself several times. And I guess we bonded over that.

That was when we worked together. We were all friends his girlfriend, myself, and the music and art teacher who were married. One time they even made a band together and played gigs around town. It was because of them I found out about this awesome band called Murder Monroe. Those were truly the best times. Before covid happened and before the venue which was a coffee shop and music venue didn't survive the covid shutdown and went out of business.

Later on after he & Laura moved away he would put cryptic status on Facebook and I would message him and ask him if he wanted to talk and send him my favorite songs to try to comfort him.

He would always send me the same song back when he was in that mood. And it was kind of a song about how maybe if we had met in a different time things would be different.

youtube

Other times he would send me awesome videos of him playing guitar.

youtube

I drew this picture 5 years ago when I got a call telling me that one of my former students ---whom I was very close to --killed herself at the age of 13.

I still think it sums up exactly how I feel every time this happens.

I am so heartsick and just at a loss. We had not communicated since Christmas and he had only posted on Facebook of very few times with anything personal. The few times he did post it would be him saying how depressed he was and how he had no friends. And I would always message him and let him know he wasn't alone and ask if I could help and after a while he just didn't respond.

I'm glad he is no longer in pain but oh my God I just wish he could have hung in there.

I can't imagine what his ex-girlfriend is going through having been with him for nearly 10 years. She said in

her post that a few weeks ago he blocked her and then of course we find this out today.

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Ben Benavides was a special ed teacher, a 4th/5th grade teacher. He was an introvert who was clinically depressed. He was a guitarist, he was a music fan, he was a great listener, he gave the best hugs, he felt things far more deeply than anyone else did.

He gave his all to his students to the point that he would nearly have nervous breakdowns over the stress of not being able to help them enough. He was a goth, he was a metalhead.

I didn't know him as long as most and yet he touched my life profoundly.

My dear Ben,

I am better for having known you and I am so pissed off that you left me and left this world.

Goodbye Ruby Tuesday who could hang a name on you when you change with every new day still I'm going to miss you.

#988lifeline #need help call 988 #tribute #another life gone #grief #loss #teaching #Youtube #Spotify

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eolewyn1010 · 1 year

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So. Let me tell you about my day!

Silly owl, you say. It's, like, 9 am! On a Saturday. The day is only just beginning!

My day is about finished though, because I'm out of spoons. Bullet list!

I wanted to go to the library in Berlin; it has a wider array of the literature I need than our library at home. To have a long day for research, my usual routine is start out early, drive home late. I got up at 4.30 am. Starting out with one spoon less (or fewer?) by default.

Make that two spoons, because I didn't sleep much last night, despite going to bed fairly early. Didn't fall asleep. Oh well.

Was at the station in time, sat down, idly watched my surroundings. Calm morning, good so far.

The bus is supposed to inform me 30 minutes before the regular departure time if there will be delays. The message that there would be a delay reached me five minutes before regular departure. That in and of itself is a fork. But...

The delay. Is one and a half fucking hours. There goes a spoon.

I call my mum. She's up early on Saturdays, too, so at least I didn't wake her up, but she can't help me and I get a distinct feeling that now I'm gnawing on her spoons, so I try to leave her alone.

An hour passes. I go and drink a hot chocolate to stay awake (I can't drink coffee; it makes me nervous, and I'm already on edge), trying to hold onto my spoons.

There's a fire somewhere near the station. It's no threat for me, but there's a smoke cloud over everything, and it smells bad. Fork, I hope that goes by soon.

By one and a half hours overtime, four busses to Berlin have started from here. I'm not allowed to take any of them, because I'm bound to my specific ticket and bus number. They cannot take me in before my bus is in with two hours overtime. Every one of them is a fork. Do I start to look like a hedgehog already?

One and a half hours, and there's no bus in sight. There goes my spoon. I call my mom again. I'm sorry to make her suffer from this, too, but I need to talk to someone; my nerves are wearing thin.

I'm discussing ditching it and coming home. Once they are in with two hours, I can claim a full refund.

Like, ten minutes before my train home goes, the fucking bus arrives. They're in with 1 hour 50 minutes overtime. Fancy that, that they got in just before they had to pay refunds.

By now, my lack of sleep has caught up on me, and there's no store of the bus company by the station where anyone could have told me anything. It's good that they don't have a store there anymore; it's what kept me from committing a murder on this fine morning.

I also drank a hot chocolate about an hour ago, so now I need to pee. I'm operating on my last spoon here. I wanna go home, but the bus is there and I cannot claim a refund. I board the bus to Berlin, having lost close to two hours of research time.

The toilet is locked. Fork, fork, fork. Will sit here for two and a half hours on a full bladder.

I sit in my place, search through my backpack. It dawns on me.

I didn't bring my lock.

Without my lock, I can't go into the library, because I'm not allowed to bring a full backpack in there. Laptops, writing stuff and so on go into a see-through plastic bag, rest goes to the lockers with a lock everyone brings for themselves. I know that. I brought my see-through bag. I didn't bring my lock.

There goes the spoon.

I call my mum again. She doesn't deserve this, but I'm breaking down. Trying to do so quietly, but I'm done for.

She tries to be helpful. Reminds me that I can get a lock for cheap in Berlin. But the thought of looking for a store in Berlin and then spending the day in the library with no spoons left sends me spiraling further. Ich kann nicht mehr.

I hang up. Take a breath, take three. Stare at the landscape outside for a while, because by now we're out of the city. It's beautiful out there, in the sunlight. Wish I could appreciate it. I can't handle this day, I know.

I wonder how many people sitting around have heard my breakdown, in spite of my attempts to be quiet. The thought fills me with irrational hatred. Fork everything.

I search my backpack for my power cord because my phone battery is running low. I find the cord, and a literal, physical spoon. Brought it so I can eat a yoghurt on the way because that's a long ride.

I stare at the spoon for a while. I'm close to hysterical giggles.

I put the spoon away and cancel all of my bus rides, the one this evening and the couple trips back and forth I had planned for the next weeks. I won't do this again. I take the first ride home that I can get once I land in Berlin today. It's expensive to book so short-term, but I have reached the end of my nerves; now money will have to do.

The bus company is a bloodsucker club who charge me 5 € for every ride I cancel. Cholera upon them all, but I can't care anymore. I will get home today, and then I won't ever try to rely on them again.

That done, I have calmed down a bit. I won't have to go looking for a fucking lock, I won't have to try and focus on something my brain won't be able to take anymore. It's some lost money, and a very lost day, but I'll charge all my devices on the way; the bus owes me that much. Thank someone I brought my power cords, amirite? Would have been nice to remember the lock, but the things a brain can and can't do...

I still need to pee. Fork, but I can handle it.

I take out my spoon and eat my yoghurt. Fork this day, there's no coming back from that.

And that, dear reader, is how I lost a beautiful Saturday to a colossal waste of time, nerves, and ultimately money, and why I desire to set a bus company on fire.

#personal #I'm venting something #spoons and forks #my insomniac brain

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grailfinders · 2 years

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Fate and Phantasms #281: Voyager

Yep, Quirinus was already done last anniversary, so we're hopping on down the line to the darling of Culdopoly, Voyager! Our dear boyager is an unusual servant, so it's no surprise they're an unusual build as well. First and foremost he's a Battle Smith Artificer to summon various parts of the Voyager craft, along with some moon buggies and rockets for mobility. Aside from a marvel of modern technology Voyager also channels our hopes and dreams into a brighter future in space, making him a Twilight Domain Cleric. Yes, we can pretend those airplanes in the night sky are shooting stars.

Check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

Next up: I'mma motherfucking T-Rex!

Race and Background

Voyager would be a warforged, but Mordenkainen is a coward and didn't give them the same variable size option he gave a lot of other races. That means for now we're stuck with Custom Lineage if we want a weird little boy who is both weird and little. As a custom lineage you get +2 Constitution, and you can pick between medium and small size; if you can't tell by the bolding we're going with the latter. You're also Observant, giving you the ability to read lips, +1 Intelligence, and a +5 bonus to passive perception and investigation checks. You look at things, that's like, 99% of your job. That and handing out humanity's mixtape. You also get some Darkvision to help see into the void of space. Only 60' now, but we'll get a stronger telescope soon.

Voyager is just about as much of a Far Traveler as possible, giving him Insight and Perception proficiency.

Ability Scores

Fitting the fact that you were made not born, we're using the point buy system here. Set your Intelligence and Wisdom to 15. You only know a couple subjects, but you're very good at those. Also, seeing is, again, 99% of your job, and you don't get scared easy by anything that isn't a snake. Your Dexterity is at 14- you literally float so your footsteps are silent, plus you're decent with a rapier if your second ascension is anything to go by. This means your Constitution is only a 10, though I don't feel like dumping it if you're going to survive in deep space. That means Strength and Charisma are at 8. You're adorable, but you're not exactly present in a conversation. Also you're a literal child, and floating around means you can't get good leverage.

Class Levels

1. Artificer 1: If we're gonna play a space station you've got to be smart enough to build yourself, so we're starting in artificer for proficiency in Constitution and Intelligence saves as well as Arcana to know about magitech and Investigation to search for signs of life in the universe.

Check out your Magical Tinkering to add tiny magical effects to tiny nonmagical items. You can make a flashlight, a tape recorder, a whoopee cushion... it's one of those "get creative" deals.

You also learn Spells which you cast and prepare using your Intelligence. Dancing Lights lets you make a little starlight for your friends and their dumb human eyes, while Message is a short-range walky-talky. It doesn't work over super long ranges, but it's good enough for now. You can also use Expeditious Retreat to put your boosters on so you can dash as a bonus action, and use Jump and Feather Fall to increase your vertical mobility. We can't fly yet, but Feather Fall's still good to keep in mind, given some limitations we hit later on.

2. Artificer 2: second level artificers can infuse items, turning regular stuff into magic items your party will forget about in five minutes! Sending Stones let you cast Sending once a day. kinda spoilin future spells, but it helps you feel the time delay of being a spaceship more, so that's cool. enhanced arcane focus and enhanced defense add 1 to spell attacks n AC of armor, respectively. Astronaut gear is like, leather armor at best. stock up while you can. also, a bag of holding is just pretty nice to have. keep your souvenirs safe. you get four options rn, but you can only have two up at a time!

3. Artificer 3: at third level you get your robobuddy when you become a Battle Smith artificer! you're battle ready, so you can use martial weapons, and your magic weapons can use your intelligence instead of dexterity or strength! you also build a steel defender, a medium sized robot that you can command using your bonus action! you can even ride on it, since you're small. boom, moon buggy, done!

on top of all that, you can make the right tool for the job over a short rest, creating any one toolkit you want! you also get subclass spells that are always prepared- Heroism helps inspire your other party members, giving them temporary hp and keeping them from getting frightened. shield is another layer of protection for your space suit, giving you +5 AC for the round and blocking any magic missiles coming in!

4. Cleric 1: Bouncing over to cleric makes you part of the Twilight group right away. You're sparkly, I'm sure you'll fit right in. You get proficiency in heavy armor in case your DM rules that's what a space suit is, and you get two more features as well! Your Eyes of Night give you a whopping 300' of darkvision, and you can share that boon with Wisdom modifier friends for an hour a day, or by burning spell slots after the first time. You also have a Vigilant Blessing to hand out, giving one creature advantage on their next initiative roll. Some would say getting the paladin to go first would be impossible, but you make the impossible come true! Or make it more likely.

You also learn a second Spell list using your Wisdom to cast and prepare them! Check the PHB to see how many spell slots you have, both spell lists use those slots, also artificers are half casters.

For cantrips, use Guidance to lead people to the stars, and Light for more dumb-human-eye helping. You also get Spare the Dying, since you're so unaccustomed to death it kinda stays away from you. Nzambi does, at least. You also get another set of subclass spells, and Faerie Fire lets you shoot a nebula around people making them glowy and giving other people advantage to hit them for the duration. You can also use Sleep to knock people out if they have low HP, but that's not really something you do. I think. we've only read the first volume. Also check out Bless for a long-term guidance, detect magic to look with those special eyes, and sanctuary so you can stand in the middle of action scenes without going splat. (it forces a charisma save on creatures trying to hit you, if they fail they have to hit someone else instead. you can't attack while this is happening, but that's why you've got a robot.)

5. Cleric 2: second level clerics can channel divinity once a short rest in one of two flavors. turn undead is the standard, and keeps the zombies away. twilight sanctuary is the spicy variety, giving you a 30' radius of space for a minute. whenever a creature ends its turn in space, you can give it temporary hp or end effects charming /frightening it. space is so cool it can distract you from alllll your worries! or its so terrifyingly large nothing else matters compared to it. either/or.

6. Cleric 3: third level clerics know second level spells- Moonbeam is a good first pick for your radar beam attack, and it does extra damage to werewolves! you can also see invisibility to check out pictures of black holes. no not like that, gross. he's a kid!

If you're out of divinity you can use calm emotions to shut down charming instead, or enhance ability to make more things possible! also, if you want that big star Voyager rides around on, check out spiritual weapon. it uses your bonus action too so you can't use your buggy and star at the same time, but you also can't do that in-game so it works!

7. Artificer 4: fourth level artificers get our first ability score improvement, so let's become resilient to round out our wisdom score and become proficient with wisdom saves. you're pretty good at seeing through people's bull, so illusions shouldn't work that much on you.

8. Artificer 5: Fifth level artificers get an extra attack each action, and you can also cast second level spells like branding smite and warding bond. neither are really in character, but they're there! if you want to move around even more, kinetic jaunt speeds you up and keeps you from provoking opportunity attacks while levitate lets you kindasorta float around. you still need to push yourself around, but we'll work on it.

9. Artificer 6: at sixth level of artificer we work on it with two more infusions, and you can keep one more up at a time. make that armor resistant armor to protect yourself from the cold of space, or just cold in general! we also get the boots of elvenkind to lighten our footsteps til people'd swear we're floating, making your steps silent and giving you advantage on stealth checks.

You also have Tool Expertise, giving you double proficiency with any tool check you're proficient with. you're a fish out of water most of the time, but when you're in your element you're very, very good.

10 Artificer 7: Seventh level artificers can use Flashes of Genius intelligence times a day to add your intelligence modifier to something someone's doing near you, for when not even advantage is enough of a guarantee.

11 Cleric 4: Fourth level clerics get an ASI of their own, so you can bump up your Intelligence for another stronger flash per day. You can also cast Mending now to patch up your ship as you travel. like half of the Apollo missions would be dead in the water if the astronauts weren't really good at jerry-rigging. honestly surprised Voyager is still working after all this time, tbh.

12 Cleric 5: Fifth level clerics can Destroy Undead when they turn undead if said undead are CR 1/2 or lower. You also get third level spells like Aura of Vitality and Leomund's Tiny Hut. For more flavorful spells, you can become a Beacon of Hope, giving nearby creatures advantage on wisdom and death saves, as well as guaranteeing maximum healing from any source. We're mostly picking that one for the name, but damn if it isn't cool. Another good spell is Fast Friends, letting you charm a nearby humanoid if they fail their wisdom save so they'll do stuff for you like become your master. Just because we dumped charisma earlier doesn't mean Voyager is not a cute kid. I mean look at how we all pushed through Culdopoly just because he asked?

Finally, we can pick up Sending full time, letting us send short messages anywhere on the plane, and they can respond back. If you're on another plane (which space probably is) there's a 5% chance of failure, but it's just about the only way to reliably communicate with ground control at this point.

13 Cleric 6: Sixth level clerics can channel divinity twice a short rest for more space, and even better you can use Steps of Night to finally achieve proper liftoff. While in dim light or darkness, you can use your bonus action to gain a flying speed for a minute, and you can do this Proficiency times a day. Thankfully you don't lose that speed in light since your attacks are quite the light show, but I doubt you'll have problem finding darkness in space. It's like finding Darkness in Konosuba, it's not hard.

14. Cleric 7: Seventh level caster, fourth level spells. Aura of Life and Greater Invisibility are neat, but we're here for Freedom of Movement to voyage where you please and Death Ward for that thing you do in the climax of Fate Requiem. Y'all know what I'm referencing here, I don't even need to be specific about it. It gives yourself or an ally guts for 8 hours, so if you'd drop to 0 HP you drop to 1 instead.

15. Cleric 8: Eighth level clerics get another ASI, so bump up your wisdom for more spells and more helpful nightvision goggles. Destroy Undead hits creatures CR 1 or lower, and you can add a Divine Strike to a weapon attack once a turn, adding radiant damage to the attack. That rapier you're wielding in your second ascension is pretty sparkly, and now so is every weapon you wield.

16. Cleric 9: Ninth level clerics get fifth level spells. Mislead is interesting, but Circle of Power is a great way to help your party change the world. It gives you and friendly creatures within 30' of you advantage on saves against spells, plus if making that save causes you to take half damage, they take no damage on a success instead. It's almost evasion, but only if you're good at saves.

We can also use Legend Lore to be a small cryptic child, Scrying to set up our telescope, and Flame Strike for a higher-level radar dish beam. It's been a while since we had a new offensive spell, and it's important you stay on top of that.

17. Cleric 10: Tenth level clerics get Divine Intervention, giving you a 1/10 chance of calling god up directly for help. If you succeed, your DM gives you just about whatever you need to solve a problem, and you can't use this again for a week because of communication delay. If you fail, you only have to wait a long rest.

18. Cleric 11: Eleventh level clerics have a stronger destroy undead, and they get sixth level spells. The only one I'm interested in is Heroes' Feast. It gives your friends more hp, advantage on wisdom saves, and immunity to being frightened.

19. Cleric 12: Use this last ASI to max out your Intelligence. Artificers love intelligence.

20. Cleric 13: We stuck around cleric this long for one reason: Plane Shift is a seventh level spell. Now you can literally lead your party into space, this is what the build's been building up to.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

Voyager does not stick around in one place for long, and this build makes sure you can do just that. You can fly and ignore shackles, and even if you get tied down your robot buddy can carry you to safety.

Speaking of buddies, you're great at helping them out, especially with skill checks. You can give them advantage on checks and saves, plus an additional 1d4, plus an additional +5. That's a W + everyone asked + no ratio + good take.

Even when you're not helping other people out you're still plenty smart on your own, with high intelligence and wisdom scores, bonuses to perception and investigation, (plus all that stuff from #2 can be used on you too), and you have legend lore, a spell which scales based on your existing knowledge, which you have a lot. Your DM better have an overarching plot, is all I'm saying.

Cons:

You don't have a magic weapon. Usually I wouldn't bring this up since you have other options for magical damage, but battle smiths like having magic weapons, and it's especially egregious in a class all about making magic shit. It takes your melee fighting from a +8 to hit up to a +12 to hit, which is a lot in D&D.

Despite taking the artificer subclass all about melee fighting, you're way too squishy to be a frontline fighter full time. You have barely over 100 HP, and if your astronaut suit is leather your AC isn't great either.

Cleric and Artificer are both classes that hit their biggest stride at level 20, and while mixing the two still has good moments it's hard to beat never dying with a +6 to all saves or guaranteed god help once a week.

#fgo #fate grand order #D&D 5e #dnd #Voyager #Artificer #Cleric

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yandere-sins · 1 year

Note

Question. How long was the book you created for Rhys’ story? I’m working on a few stories (send help lol) and I’d love to do the same with one of them. Which platform did you end up using to publish it?

Thanks so much my dude! ♥️♥️

It was 204 pages aka ~ 44k words. (And it had to be this exact amount of pages for the printing or I'd have empty pages.) It had the extra chapter and trivia (plus the front page with disclaimer and all) so it had more than what I posted to the internet, thus is a bit longer than what you guys have seen.

It's not officially published, I printed them with a local (german) printer online (benefits are they are locally sources and you get discounts and stuff, plus there was a lot of technicality around sizes and cover and how large this and that can be, and it was easier to work out with them and communicate with the printer. But when I say easier, I mean it still was hell. It's a lot of work until you get it down right) and did all the sending out and stuff myself with google docs spreadsheets and lots of printer ink lol (unfortunately didn't make the shipping cheaper). It also means I still have some books because I bought them in bulk which is nice because sometimes people reach out because they still want a copy and I can send them without any delay ♥

But I plan to publish my future books via amazon (though not a company you should support, still the largest plattform for indie authors and with kindle probably the most accessible) and do some self-publishing like I did with Rhys, perhaps via awebsite. But I know there are some other plattforms for online publishing (mostly e-books), I just don't know their names. I recommend browsing tiktok for ressources (that's where I found most information to those other plattforms too).

If you do decide to go to amazon, one thing I learned from my research is get an ISBN or amazon might one day decide you aren't the author and delete everything you worked hard for. Seeing some of the breakdowns over this, I'd really consider it beforehand if it's worth it (':

Hope this helps in any way! ♥

#Admin

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georgeshutcheson · 10 months

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Unraveling the Mysteries of PAYE: A Comprehensive Guide

New Post has been published on https://www.fastaccountant.co.uk/paye-a-comprehensive-guide/

Unraveling the Mysteries of PAYE: A Comprehensive Guide

The article today is all about a very important, yet often misunderstood concept – Pay As You Earn, or for short. Understanding how PAYE works can save you quite a bit of stress come tax time, and it can even help you plan your finances better. So, let’s jump right in!

The Basics of PAYE

PAYE, or Pay As You Earn, is a method of tax collection used by Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs (HMRC). It’s pretty straightforward – as you earn income, tax is automatically deducted and sent to HMRC. This happens each time you’re paid, whether that’s weekly, monthly, or otherwise. PAYE is applied to most types of income from employment, including wages from your job and most pensions.

But why should you care about PAYE? Simple. It’s the system that determines how much income tax is deducted from your pay. The better you understand it, the better you can manage your financial planning.

How It Works: Step-by-Step Breakdown

At its core, PAYE is about calculating the correct amount of income tax to deduct from your earnings. Your employer plays a big role in this. They use your tax code to figure out how much to deduct from your wages before they hand over the net pay.

The tax code itself is issued by HMRC, and it’s designed to reflect your tax-free personal allowance – the amount you can earn before you start paying tax. If your tax code changes, your PAYE deductions will likely change too.

PAYE and Self-Assessment

It’s a common misconception that if you’re self-employed, PAYE doesn’t apply to you. This is not strictly true! Even if you’re your own boss, you might need to send a Self-Assessment tax return, and PAYE could still be relevant to your other income from employment related activities where tax is deducted at source.

PAYE and Self-Assessment may seem like strange bedfellows, but they do intersect. If you’re both employed and self-employed, for example, you may become subject to both. In this case, your PAYE income and deductions will be important details for your Self-Assessment return.

The Role of HMRC in PAYE

HMRC is like the conductor of the PAYE orchestra. They oversee the system, issue tax codes, and collect the tax that’s been deducted by employers. Your interactions with HMRC might include checking your tax code or making sure deductions from you pay are correct.

Remember, your PAYE history forms part of your tax record. So if something doesn’t look right, or you have any questions about Pay as you earn, it’s a good idea to contact your employer or HMRC. They’re there to help you understand and resolve any issues.

Potential Issues and How to Resolve Them

Even with the best-laid plans, issues can arise with PAYE. For example, you might have the wrong tax code, leading to incorrect PAYE deductions. Or perhaps you’ve started a new job, and there’s a delay in applying the correct tax code.

In most cases, these issues can be resolved by contacting HMRC directly. They can help you confirm your tax code, understand your deductions, and resolve any discrepancies. If things get complex, don’t hesitate to seek advice from a tax professional.

Optimizing Your Financial Planning

Understanding PAYE is more than just knowing what chunk of your wage goes to the taxman. It’s a key tool in your financial planning toolkit. Once you know how your deductions from your salary or wages are calculated, you can budget more accurately, because you’ll know what your take-home pay will be.

PAYE is also a big player in retirement planning. Your pension contributions may be made through a PAYE scheme, so it’s worth understanding how this will affect your income now and in retirement.

Conclusion

We’ve covered quite a bit of ground, haven’t we? From the basics of PAYE to its impact on your finances, I hope this guide has shed some light on the mysteries of PAYE. Remember, understanding PAYE isn’t a one-and-done deal. It’s an ongoing journey, just like your financial planning.

Frequently asked questions

Q: What is a tax code? A: A tax code is used by HMRC to your employer or pension provider to work out how much Income Tax to take from your pay or pension.

Q: How is PAYE calculated? A: It is calculated based on your income, using your tax code and official tax rates in operation.

Q: What if I have the wrong tax code? A: If you believe your tax code is wrong, you should contact HMRC. They can help you to resolve this issue.

Remember, when in doubt, ask! If you have any questions or experiences with that you’d like to share, pop them in the comments.

#Employer Obligations #Income Tax #Pay As You Earn #PAYE #PAYE Deductions #PAYE for Self-Employed #Self Assessment Tax Return #Tax Codes

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multifandom-x-reader · 3 years

Text

TFP Drabbles In: Their Reactions When Your Water Breaks

Autobots:

Optimus Prime:

You told him your water broke

He doesn't understand human terms

As a femme you told him the sparkling is here

He tries to stay calm.

He tries to get you some stuff you need in the berthroom.

He rushes to Ratchet in a panic.

Bumblebee:

You commed him when you were on a mission

You were very insistent on going for a mission you told him you were able to fend for yourself. But that turns different.

He answers with so many questions asking you how are you, and is the sparkling fine.

You told him your water broke. You told him not to panic. And get Ratchet to send a Groundbridge.

He panicked and told Ratchet (rudely might I add) to send a Groundbridge.

Ratchet:

He was checking up some bots. It's when you felt the dreaded liquid come down.

You told him your water broke.

He stood there trying to figure out what that meant

When he found out your water broke then he got into action.

Wheeljack:

You told him your water broke

He told you he'll get you a new glass then.

You rolled your optics and began shouting colorful words in Cybertronian AND English.

He knew it wasn't a joke so he got you to Ratchet

Bulkhead:

He panicked when you told him your water broke

He immediately got everything ready and rushed to Ratchet

Without you

Ratchet asked you where you were.

Bulkhead said you were right in his arms

Then he realized you were back in your shared berthroom.

Arcee:

Since you didn't feel the water break happening you didn't know

Contractions happened Arcee asked you if you're okay.

You responded with an "I don't know"

Then you felt more sharp pain.

You finally realized your water broke

When she was told she immediately went to Optimus.

Cliffjumper:

He and you were on a mission.

You were slower than usual

He was concerned until you started panicking

He asked you what's the matter

You told him you were in labor

He ordered a Groundbridge.

Smokescreen:

He was away

You panicked about him not returning

The panic made you induce labor

You began to comm him repeatedly

He didn't answer

This made you freak out

You finally got an answer

You told him your water broke

He immediately came back and assisted you to the Medbay

Ultra Magnus:

As he was very busy he didn't really pick your comms up unless it's an emergency

You tried to dial some more

He finally picked up

You swore at him with all the curses in the Cybertronian Dictionary you could muster

You told him your water broke

He rushed to Medbay

Decepticons:

Megatron:

You were cuddling him when he thought you pissed on him.

You told him your water broke

He rushed you to Knockout's Medbay.

Starscream:

The brat decided to intimidate you about it for awhile because he thought you were pulling his pedes.

He realized you were actually in labor

He cursed at himself for being so damn stupid

He rushed you to Knockout's Medbay

Knockout:

He was having a day off with you to relax as he was preparing for the sparklings arrival

He occasionally returns to his job unless needed to.

You went into labor.

You hobble to the Medbay

He was shocked you did this all yourself without comming him first.

Arachnid:

She and you were hiding from the cons after she betrayed them

Once she found out you were sparked she insisted you stay behind while she finds proper stuff for you and the sparkling

You went into labor when she was getting energon. You immediately commed her as she returned she was surprisingly calm about it.

On inside she was panicking.

Predaking:

He would obviously protect you as you approach the day where you birth your litter.

He was notified by your whimpering when your water breaks

He automatically assists in labor seemingly unphased

Soundwave:

He was busy working when you barged in with your hands on your tanks.

He was startled but composed himself.

"what's- wrong- (Y/n)?" He asked

You told him your water broke

Without any delay he picked you up with a tendril and took you to Knockout's Medbay

Shockwave:

When he found out your water broke he wanted to birth it.

You asked him to take you to Knockout's Medbay as you didn't want to be a genuia pig of your sparkmate.

He refused

He said it was illogical that you would trust Knockout over him

Breakdown:

He and you were the assistants of Knockout.

You fell sparked before the start of the war and he wanted to protect you from M.E.C.H. So you had to be placed in the decepticons for awhile.

He found you in the end. He had one optic but he loved you and you loved him

One day however your water breaks while you were helping Knockout out with Breakdown

Breakdown freaked out while Knockout was calm.

Dreadwing:

Dreadwing and you had a picnic planned out

Your water broke and he immediately complained about the mess it will bring

You said it won't be a mess if he calls for a Groundbridge

He argued with you for atleast 2 minutes until he caves in as you said "You shouldn't have gotten me sparked then."

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bumbleklee · 3 years

Note

Hi! I love your work and I’ve been binging it for a while! <3 I was wondering if I could have some angst and a broken heart since it seems I like to suffer. ;’) Can I have headcannon with an insecure adventurer reader who’s in a relationship with one of the Mondstadt boys (or just the dark night because I’m down bad since he didn’t come home). They are insecure because while they are a great adventurer, ever since the traveler came, they’ve been living in the traveler’s shadow with everyone, even possibly the readers lover, praising the traveler. The reader takes on increasingly difficult missions, even putting their life on the line since they feel as though they have to prove themselves. In an attempt to stop the reader, the Mondstadt boys tell the reader that they aren’t the traveler, but instead of the good intent behind it, the reader takes it as if their lover prefers the traveler and decides to try and give up adventuring since they realized that not once did their lover go on an adventure with them, but they did with the Traveler. This was long, I’m sorry, but feel free to reject it! Stay safe and healthy!

hey!!! a few little notes: i ended up going with just diluc and instead of hcs, i wrote a little one-shot. i hope you enjoy it and i hope i nailed your idea lol <3 enjoy! (requests are open) also: u will pull diluc!!! and thank u for ur support :3

before reading: 1.8k words, little mentions of blood but nothing graphic, kinda angsty w feelings of despair (tw?? idk), under cut for length

The first time you realized you had fallen into Lumine’s shadow is when your weekly commissions are given to her. Jean didn’t give you much explanation when she sent you home for the day but you could only assume it’s because Lumine could do them better

The second time is when you were absent for a weekend to clear out Hiluchurls from Wolvendome and when you returned back to Mondstadt to share the news, everyone was preoccupied helping Lumine find her brother.

The third time is when, despite your tireless efforts to protect your hometown this year, Lumine was chosen as the Windblume Star.

You had gone from the Knights of Favonius' greatest knight to a mere shadow. Your accomplishments and achievements felt like nothing when compared to Lumine’s and you became desperate to be known again. You watched your teammates pick Lumine over you, choosing to accompany her on adventures, and your friends constantly chatting about how amazing she was.

And, well, she was.

Lumine was beautiful. She was delicate and soft and fought gracefully, while you often came home covered in dirt or blood. And she was kind - so, so kind. She offered her hand to you on multiple occasions, never once seeing you as the threat you saw her as. And beyond her looks, Lumine was passionate and strong and everything you were not. She had everything you had and more except for one thing.

Diluc.

But when you saw Lumine sitting at the bar in the tavern, sharing a daring story with your boyfriend, you became doubtful.

From your seat on the second level of the tavern, you had a perfect view of the pair. Diluc looked happy - perhaps even happier than with you - and your heart broke. Would Lumine be the end of an era between you and Diluc? You loved Diluc to death and all you wanted was for him to be happy.

The truth was, you were running out of patience, running out of fake enthusiasm and fake laughs and fake smiles when Diluc bragged to you about what Lumine did that day. The constant praises and compliments towards a woman who wasn’t even in the room tore you apart bit-by-bit. You were finding it harder to get through each day as Diluc slipped through your fingers.

When you finally broke your silence, you talked to Kaeya.

It was an accidental breakdown - Kaeya had made a cheeky comment about how his brother was spending an awfully lot of time with the traveler and you just broke down. Realizing the severity of the situation, Kaeya pulled you into his office and closed the door. He let you sit at his desk until you calmed down.

“What’s going on?”

So, you told him. You finally let out the bottled up despair and, frankly, jealousy you had been holding in for the past few weeks. You told Kaeya about how you went from ‘hero to zero’ and how you didn’t even deserve to be a knight anymore.

“If I’m not a knight, I don’t have a purpose,” You said solemnly. “I haven’t picked up my sword in a month, Kaeya.”

Kaeya makes a noise of acknowledgement and urges you to continue.

“And I can’t stand how she’s better than me! I’m the Revolutionary Knight - not her!” Despite your angered words, you’re suppressing panic deep in your chest. “She’s already taken so much from me and she’s going to take Diluc.”

“Diluc loves you,” Kaeya reassures you. You’ve never heard his voice this soft and serious before. “Nothing Lumine can do is going to make Diluc ever stop loving you.”

Deep down, you knew that. You knew that Diluc loved you and planned to marry you one day, you knew that. It was just hard to convince your heart of that. As you stared down at the floor, you heard Kaeya sigh.

“Maybe you just need to show him you’re just as good at Lumine.”

That night, you packed a bag before Diluc got home from the tavern and left for Liyue. You would fight the Cryo Regisvine and bring back Diluc a hoarfrost core. He would see your heroic nature and forget all about Lumine - they all would.

***

When Diluc came home that night to find your absence, he began to worry. You were never one to leave without saying anything so Diluc rushed to the Knight’s Headquarters quickly. He was fortunate that Jean and Kaeya were still there finalizing some paperwork.

“Master Diluc?” Jean asked, rising from her desk as Diluc rushed inside her office. “Is everything alright?”

“Y/N is missing,” He said quickly.

“Missing? Are you sure?”

“Yes! They never go anywhere without telling me,” Diluc continued. He noticed Kaeya avert his gaze and snapped his eyes over to his brother, “Kaeya, what do you know?”

“I may have told them to do something heroic to win you back,” Kaeya said, realizing his idea may not have been the best.

Diluc’s eyes widened, “Win me back?”

Kaeya sighed and explained what was going on with you. Diluc’s heart dropped into his stomach and he couldn’t believe how stupid he had been. He should have been praising you, not Lumine. “They mentioned something about the Cryo Regisvine-”

Diluc didn’t let Kaeya speak another word before he took off. You couldn’t have gotten that far and when Diluc noticed the darkening weather, his feet picked up their pace.

***

A fierce gust of wind made you cover your face with your arms. Out of nowhere, it started pouring rain but you wouldn’t let that stop you. You pushed through the impending storm and made your way down into the cave where the ice monster lived. You gripped your sword tightly as the monster sensed your presence and unraveled, turning the downcoming rain into shards of ice that landed on your skin like needles.

Without much delay, you charged the Cryo Regisvine and landed three hits on its corolla before one of its leafy arms wacked into you, sending you hurdling backwards. Your sword was knocked out of your hand and you struggled to catch your breath.

More sharp icicles pierced your skin and a spray of freezing air coated your skin. Yet, you still managed to grab your sword and stand. Your hobbled toward the monster again and when the same leafy arm came towards you, you slashed at it.

The monster let out a screech and retracted itself before slamming it’s head down towards your body. You dodged the first hit but were caught off guard when the second hit knocked you off your feet. You barely had time to roll away when it slammed it’s head down a third time.

“Y/N!”

Diluc surged forwards, grabbing your arm and forcefully pulling you to your feet. Your sword became lost from your hold and the sudden movement caused the blade to scrape down your leg before clambering to the ground again. A nasty gash was left and you seethed.

He couldn’t even think as he pulled you away from the monster. You had never seen Diluc move so fast. He didn’t let you go until you were both far enough from the cave to feel secure. Diluc’s arms wrapped around your shoulders tightly and you were too stunned to say anything.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

Your mind felt foggy. You tried to open your mouth and speak but no words came out.

“Do you realize how dangerous that was?”

“I just...Lumine…”

Diluc pulled back at this and stared in your eyes. You couldn’t quite match the emotion on his face. “You’re not Lumine!”

His words cut deep and you felt tears soak your eyes. Maybe if your head was clearer and you could actually hear your thoughts, you would have realized Diluc didn’t mean it that way. But the only thing consuming your mind was that he was right. You weren’t Lumine and you would never be Lumine. “I know!” You cried out suddenly, “That’s why I have to go and kill that thing! So I can give you a hoarfrost core and you’ll love me again!”

Diluc only looked at you. His hands ran down from your shoulders to your hands and he brought your left hand to his lips. You heard him sigh before kissing your knuckle gently.

Your wet hair was dripping water down your face in freezing cold droplets. At that moment you felt useless. You weren’t able to fight the Cryo Regisvine and bring Diluc a hoarfrost core. He would leave you for Lumine and there was nothing you could do about it.

“You’re hurt,” Diluc said, motioning to your leg. In your desolate state, you had forgotten about the gaping wound on your leg that was pouring blood. “Come on - we’re going home.”

You were too upset to protest and let Diluc maneuver your body onto his back. You loosely wrapped your arms around his neck and relished in the warmth his vision released. You held onto Diluc like it was the last time you ever would.

The walk back to Mondstadt was silent and when you two arrived at your shared house, Diluc let you down on the couch. You could only stare at your lap.

“I’m sorry,” You finally mumbled, “Next time I’ll finish what I started.”

“There won’t be a next time,” Diluc said sternly, “No way you’re ever going there alone again.”

Your face stiffened into annoyance. “I’m the Revolutionary Knight - I can do it.”

“No, you can’t.” His words seemed cold and unusual but they were coated in concern. Diluc reached up and cupped your face with his large hands. You tried to pull away but his grip was firm, “It’s okay.”

The situation was suddenly overwhelming and far too much to deal with. The tears you had been holding back tumbled down your cheeks and your words were choked between sobs, “Lumine is so perfect and I’m not...I don’t want you to leave me...I know I’m not good enough but-”

He stopped your rambling with a kiss. “Don’t ever think you’re not good enough,” He whispered, taking you into his arms. You hid your sobs in Diluc’s chest as he whispered sweet nothings into your ear. Eventually, your cries settled.

Diluc spent the rest of the night dressing your wound and laying with you in your bed. He didn’t stop comforting you until every horrible thought about yourself was gone from your mind. In the morning he would talk to you more but for now, his job was to make you feel strong again.

And it would take a while but one day you would come to realize that you were just as good as Lumine and no one could truly compare to you. Like the storm on that horrifying night, this too would pass.

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin x reader #diluc x reader #diluc #diluc ragnvindr #diluc ragnivindr x reader #genshin one shot #genshin impact oneshot #genshin self insert #genshin x you #diluc x you

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thetargaryenbride · 3 years

Text

A break [Levi x Fem!Reader]

Requested by: @emmaandemmal Hi, I love your works! Can I request one where Levi and his fem s/o have been a couple since before they were captured by the scouts in the underground? After the deaths of Isabel and Farlan, the reader tries to convince Levi to leave the scouts with her to go and live together in a safer place, but he refuses saying that he believes in Erwin's vision of the scouts and the two begin to fight badly. The reader eventually stays in the scouts because she doesn't want to leave without him, but the relationship between Levi and the reader is getting colder and more detached. The reader begins to think that Levi is no longer interested in her after noticing his growing friendship with Petra and she decides to leave the scouts thinking it's the best decision for her and for Levi. When Levi finds out, he tries to find her, but without success. Only a few years later, he catches a glimpse of her in the crowd after the scouts have returned from an expedition and he follows her. Once they arrive at the reader's house, she and Levi make up and the reader claims that she has been selfish in the past and that she would like to return to the scouts to fight against the titans and to claim the deaths of Isabel and Farlan. Eventually the reader and Levi resume their relationship and Levi promises her that nothing would separate them again. I'm really sorry that it's so long, if you consider this idea feel free to modify it as you wish. Sorry for my English too... it’s not very good. Thank you so much, you're one of the best Levi writers I know! ❤️

I’m sorry for the delay, dear. I was struggling with a mini writer’s block and was focusing more on art but I’m slowly getting back on track! Thank you so much for the request and thank you for your kind words. This really means a lot to me! As far as modifying goes, the only thing I modified is the timeskip. Instead of a few years, I made it one year. I hope you don’t mind ^^

Words: 4.5K

Warnings: Very Brief mention of suicide, prostitution and self-harm

Hope you like it ❤️ Feedback is deeply appreciated! ^^

Also, if Levi seems OOC, please feel free to correct me~ I accept constructive criticism ^^

* . °•★|•°∵ ∵°•|☆•° . *

You were arguing.

You never argued.

But the situation that had befallen you made you feel all sort of ways and neither of you knew how to express those emotions, that stress, which is why it had slowly turned into a fight.

“You shouldn’t have agreed! We have no idea how the world above works! We’re going to fuck up, Levi,” you raised your voice, hands clenching into fists by your sides, levels of anger rising at Levi’s indifference at the situation. You knew that it was only a façade and that deep down Levi wasn’t indifferent. You knew he was probably worried just as much as you were. But right now you were so scared and you wanted him to just show some more emotion, fight back, shower you with words of reassurance, hug you…anything…not just stand with crossed arms, staring at you.

“So what, I should’ve let the bushy eyebrowed bastard send us in prison?” he raised an eyebrow as if challenging you to give him a good reason for your big distaste of joining the Survey Corpse. He couldn’t understand why you had exploded like that when he had agreed. It was the perfect opportunity for the fulfillment of your mission…Not that you had been very accepting of the mission either. Your paranoia and distrust always clawed at you, many a time ripping any semblance of reason and logic. But he couldn’t’ exactly blame you. He was similar in a way. He supposed that this is what living in the Underground did to you.

Living?

No. More like struggling, digging in the mud, to survive.

And the two of you had been doing this since you were kids.

“I’d rather rot in a prison cell than a titan’s stomach. And since when do you trust nobles anyways? It’s mostly because of them that we all fester here in this dump,” you spat out and he pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a sigh.

“If you are so against this mission, why are you even joining?” he shot back and you choked on whatever words you had the intention of spilling.

You took a deep breath as you slumped next to him on the couch, body completely slacking in defeat as your anger simmered down a bit.

“Do you even have to ask me that?” you muttered as you stared at the ceiling, the hands in your lap fiddling with your fingers. “It’s because I would never turn my back on my family…on you,” you murmured as you straightened up and turned to face him. “Even if it’s the stupidest decision which would probably result in something shitty, I’ll still stick with you. You are all I have…I love you,” you timidly uttered the last words, casting your eyes downwards as a slight blush spread over your cheeks. The man sighed before his hands went to grab yours, successfully stopping your fiddling and wringing, squeezing them reassuringly.

“Look at me,” he ushered you gently yet firmly and you lifted your head, locking eyes with his. “We’ll be fine.”

You let out another sigh before you leaned, letting his arms encircle your form as he rested his chin on the top of your head.

“I pray that you’re right,” you whispered and just when you thought you could have a moment of peace, Farlan entered the room with a constipated expression. You couldn’t blame him. You were all beaten and battered by the soldiers and your ego was bruised, even though you let them capture you. And now they were all standing in your home or surrounding it while you packed the little of your belongings, breathing down your neck.

It was suffocating.

“We’ve packed everything. It’s time to go.”

* . °•★|•°∵ ∵°•|☆•° . *

You wanted to blame him.

You wanted to tell him – “I told you so.”

But that wouldn’t bring back Farlan and Isabel.

It wouldn’t stitch back their ripped bodies.

They were gone and the only thing you could blame was this world.

Because it was so cruel.

And the only beauty you found in it was your love for Levi and his love for you.

He had no fault. Nobody knew that things would turn out like this. That fate would decide to cackle in your faces.

The two of you stuck together like glue more than ever after that day. You even went as far as to disregard rules as you would sneak into the men’s barracks just to sleep with him because he was the only one who managed to chase away the nightmares and wipe your tears. And you knew, even without him saying it directly, that you were the only one who could comfort him when he was feeling the burden of the world crushing his shoulders. And Farlan and Isabel’s deaths really did feel like the whole world just crumbled on top of you two. The only difference was that you were more prone to emotions and didn’t find such a difficulty at expressing them unlike Levi who preferred to bottle everything inside, feign indifference and coldness and find toxic coping mechanisms like not sleeping which as time passed shaped into the ugly form of his insomnia, despite all the scolding you’ve done.

Time passed. The first weeks after Isabel and Farlan’s deaths, you had been inseparable. But that slowly began to change after the date of the next expedition was announced. Your paranoia spiked up one night after you had tried suppressing it for days and that resulted in a breakdown.

You wanted out.

You wanted to leave the Scouts.

You had even gone as far as to talk to Erwin and the Commander, literally begging them to help you with the citizenship matters and let you and Levi leave. But of course, they refused and Erwin even went to speak to Levi about this, not knowing that the man had no idea about your plans and wishes.

Levi was angry that you did something like that behind his back. He understood your fear. He understood very well because he was afraid too. He was afraid that he was going to lose you too – the only person he had left. But he didn’t appreciate that you hadn’t been straightforward with him regarding such a serious matter, only revealing everything you have done and felt at the heat of the moment.

“I’ve been dreaming about this since I was a little girl, hiding in the wardrobe, listening how man after man would use my mother every night. Dreaming about a life, safely tucked in the corner of the world, surrounded by beautiful nature, peace and quiet, alongside my beloved person... Is it so bad that I want this for us?” you had asked with trembling voice and Levi’s expression had softened, a sign that he had forgiven you for everything and that he didn’t want to argue anymore.

“As much as I want that too, we can’t have it when the titans are roaming everywhere, threatening to wipe out Humanity. If we don’t destroy them now, we are only delaying our doom,” he muttered as his hand went to softly caress your cheek, making you sigh as you leaned into his touch. “But that man, Erwin Smith, sees something that I don’t. He has a plan to save humanity and… he sees victory… That’s why I want to stay in the Survey Corps and fight,” he admitted and at that moment, you found yourself captured by that determination burning in his eyes.

His desire to fight for a better future.

Not only for the sake of you two, but for the sake of thousands of people.

And while you weren’t completely sure yet that you were ready to sacrifice your happiness and life for a bunch of people you didn’t know or care about, you knew that you were ready to sacrifice anything and everything for him.

And that’s why you stayed.

And he knew that. He knew you better than you knew yourself. But he chose not to call you out for this. Because he understood how you felt. He didn’t belittle you. He didn’t call you selfish or insensitive or a bad person just because you didn’t want to care about anyone else but him. What does selfish, insensitive or bad even mean? They are just vague concepts that are different from every person’s point of view.

And as more time passed, after every expedition, he could see why you wanted to leave. He could see why you didn’t want to fight. Every expedition, every death, left an impact on you, stealing bit by bit from your sunny personality and shaping you into a depressed, miserable person.

Even if you claimed that you didn’t care about strangers dying, deep, deep down, he knew you did. It was just the person you were, trying to convince yourself that you didn’t care about anyone but him in order to protect yourself. But on a deeper level you still cared and you were still affected and he knew that you hated feeling like this – it brought only chaos, confusion and misery to your mind and soul as you desperately tried to live up to your own expectations and build walls around yourself only for every brick to be broken as a comrade would send you a smile or compliment you or help you out with something. And after every expedition, he would gain a better understanding as to why you wanted to be selfish and leave. Why you wanted – why you tried forcing yourself – to stop caring about anything and everyone and run away with him – the one and only person who – you tried to convince yourself – mattered.

And he didn’t know why he couldn’t follow you. On many occasions, he felt the same. But somehow, for some reason, he would always find a way back to Erwin – back to the goal they shared for humanity. He didn’t know where that sudden loyalty for the blonde had come from – the same blonde who more or less had been the reason as to why Farlan and Isabel had died. But it was exactly this loyal bond that had formed between them that prevented Levi from following you and he hated himself for it because he could see how this life of soldiers was destroying you from the inside out and there were moments when he would lay at night and dark thoughts would cross his mind – of your body hanging from somewhere or him finding you drowned or with sliced wrists or a bullet stuck in the head.

It wasn’t uncommon for soldiers to turn to self-harm as a coping mechanism and some even committed suicide.

The fight against the titans wasn’t something to be underestimated and it left an irreparable damage on everyone.

And he could see you were heading that way and he hated himself for not being able to put a stop to this and just grab your hand and run away from everything – as you wanted.

That’s why he decided to distance himself from you. He thought that maybe if he started ignoring you, if he was being cold and distant, it would put a rift in your relationship. It would make you think that he didn’t love you anymore. That you were a painful reminder of the past. And once your bond was severed, nothing would be holding you back. Nothing would stop you from leaving. Because he was the only thing, the only reason, as to why you were still sticking around. And then maybe you would finally be able to find the peace and quiet you had been seeking for ages.

His conversations with you became shorter. His answers – curt. His affection and acts of service decreased. It had brought you to tears, thinking that you had done something wrong and it tore him apart when he caught you crying one night. But it was for your own good so he had to grit his teeth and bear with it never mind how much it hurt that he was causing you this suffering.

Him being promoted to a Captain helped a lot. Now he didn’t need to find reasons or excuses to not spend time with you because he was genuinely so busy all the time. The stress was making him snappy too so he tried avoiding conversations altogether, not wanting to actually say something hurtful because then he would feel even more pain and regret and that would have his resolve crumble and he would go back to being loving and affectionate which was far, far from the goal he had.

Then Oluo and Petra had entered the picture – two members fresh into the Survey Corps, graduated from the same trainee squad with incredible talent and promising skills. He had taken them into his squad but he didn’t know that this would be the final straw to put such a rift in your relationship.

It was true that Petra was a bit clingy. Her infatuation, devotion and loyalty to him were obvious. But he thought it was a childish, fleeting crush which is why he didn’t find it necessary to confront her about it. He thought it would disappear over time, especially with how both she and Oluo seemed like an old married couple more and more with each passing day. He didn’t want to push away the members of his own squad. He wanted to embrace them. To embrace their friendship. On a subconscious level, he was trying to fill the gaps left behind from the people he lost. The gaps oozing loneliness and pain. The gaps you couldn’t fill because he wasn’t allowing you to in his haste to push you away.

And when one day he went to have lunch with Erwin, as the two needed to discuss important matters in his office, he wasn’t expecting the blonde to deliver such mortifying news to him.

“Look, Levi…I’m sorry to say this but… Y/N left the Survey Corps,” told him the Commander with a sombre tone and Levi felt his entire world shift.

Suddenly, regret flooded him, chilling him to the very last atom.

Erwin saw each and every emotion flashing in his eyes. And even if he wanted to remind his friend of the words he had told him years ago, he couldn’t.

Because there were things in this life that were impossible not to regret.

Like losing a loved one because of your or their own demons.

It was one thing to lose a loved one to death. And completely another to lose them because of your decision.

Levi didn’t utter a word, pressing his lips in a thin line as he swiftly stood up and turned on his heel, leaving the office with ebony bangs covering his eyes, shielding him from his friend’s look of pity and compassion.

He needed to think.

He needed time.

* . °•★|•°∵ ∵°•|☆•° . *

You don’t realize how much someone or something means to you until you lose them.

No, that’s not exactly it.

Levi cherished you a lot. Levi loved you a lot. You meant the world to him. That’s why he wanted you to leave. He wanted you to find peace. He wanted you to live a good life away from that misery and bloodshed.

Even if it killed him on the inside.

Because if you truly love someone, you would let them go if it was for the sake of their happiness.

But now that he’s finally gone and done it. Now that he not only pushed you away as a lover but pushed you away from his life altogether, he felt lost.

He felt lost and miserable.

As if life was drained from any sound and colour, leaving him to float in some abyss, soaking in his own negative feelings.

The sorrow, the pain, the dread, the loneliness.

If he had to list them all, he would waste all of Erwin’s expensive parchment.

And as he laid there in his bed, after thinking and reflecting on everything for hours on end, staring at the ceiling with an empty bottle of alcohol shattered into pieces against the opposite wall – alcohol that barely got him tipsy – he realized that maybe he wanted to be selfish too. That, combined with the regrets of pushing you away, burned at his soul, melting any doubts he had, like a blacksmith melting steel, and solidified his resolve to find you and bring you back, like a new sword being forged.

So next day after he had gotten all his emotions, thoughts and feelings in check and after he had taken a decision, he approached Erwin and asked for your location.

He was unpleased when his friend told him that he had no idea where you went off to. Part of Levi wanted to be angry and yell at him. Accuse him of lying. But he was so tired after the emotional and mental battle he had wielded that he just gave up on his anger and frustration and decided that instead of letting such negative emotions rule over him, he would brush them aside instead and pave way for that same scorching determination he had for the Survey Corpse’s cause, now combining it with the determination of finding you.

And he didn’t stop.

Once he started, he didn’t stop.

He would visit every town, every village, whenever he was free from his duty.

He never stopped looking for you.

It took him roughly a year to scout most of Wall Rose’s lands.

But it was during one fateful evening, after the Scouts were returning from an expedition, when he spotted you.

The sun had just set, allowing the sky to be painted in purples and blues with shimmering stars being sprinkled onto the canvas. The street lanterns shone brightly and the comforting light spewing from them had illuminated a very familiar form.

A form that Levi knew like the lines of his own palm.

He hadn’t wasted time to jump from his black mare and chase after you. He didn’t want to approach and confront you right away so he just settled for walking at a slow pace behind you, trying his best to not be noticed or come off as some creep.

He seriously couldn’t believe his luck.

Knowing your thought pattern, he believed that you had run away somewhere far. Back in the days when you lived in the Underground, whenever you had arguments – which was very rare – you would always run away from home and hide somewhere far, knowing that it would be hard for him to find you and nearly giving him heart attacks because of it. But this time you had decided to hide right under his nose – near Trost district which was not far away from the SC HQ.

He counted himself outsmarted and he didn’t know whether to be annoyed by this or proud of you.

You looked radiant even in the dusk. The cream dress you were wearing made you look like a vision, glowing in the dark. It reached a bit past your knees, revealing some of your calves while the upper part left your collarbones in the open. He longed to run his fingers over your skin. Through your hair. To touch you. To feel you. To hold you. To tell you what an idiot he was. How he wanted you back in his life because he couldn’t exist without you by his side.

To apologize.

“Are you going to keep following me or are you going to help me carry the basket?” your voice interrupted his train of thought and he cursed lightly under his breath. You chuckled and stopped in your tracks, turning around ever so slightly, eyes finally landing on the person you were so anxious to see again but didn’t have the courage to approach.

He wordlessly took the basket from your hands and began walking next to you.

All the way to your house you stayed silent.

He didn’t even comment when you exited the District and neared the woods, only lifting an eyebrow.

Your shoes and his boots clinked against the cobblestone pathway, the little door of the wooded fence creaking under your touch as you pushed it. His eyes scanned the yard, taking notice of the freely roaming chicken, a few lambs, one cow and one horse – your horse from the Survey Corps. He could vaguely make out a garden peeking from behind the house so he supposed you also had a backyard where you were growing your food. He almost flinched when a huge dog – almost as big as you and him – came running in your direction, demanding head pats which you gladly gave.

Levi was impatient. He wanted to enter the damn house already and talk. But at the same time, a part of him was happy about the delay. He almost gulped nervously at the thought of the following confrontation.

Almost.

At last, you unlocked the front door and the two took off your shoes, putting on slippers, and moved into the house. You took the basket from his hands and placed it on the kitchen counter before you grabbed a rag to wipe the table and beckoned the man to sit down. He stood there awkwardly for a moment, taking a step towards the chair before halting, looking at you rigidly, and resuming his journey until he was finally sat. You clenched and unclenched the rag before you threw it away and sat across him, fingers now playing with the soft fabric of your dress. You looked at the ground and he looked at your feet, noticing your toes curling and uncurling from nerves even through the slippers.

“I-“

“Levi-“

You both said at the same time and you chuckled lightly at the cliché situation.

“You first,” uttered the man and you gulped, sending him a wobbly smile.

“I want to apologize-“ you took a short pause and an intake of air when you saw his eyes widening as his features twisted in a dumbstruck expression as if he was unable to process why you were apologizing. “-for leaving so suddenly without uttering a word. It was…childish,” you quieted down and he closed his eyes, sighing deeply. “You were walking further and further away from me, getting extra busy with being a Captain and…and then Petra came into the picture,” you muttered but were fast to wave your hands in defence, “Not that I ever doubted your loyalty! My trust in you would never waver but…I just thought that maybe we both needed a break. We needed to breathe and clear our heads and start thinking properly. That’s why I decided to leave and give us some space. I never truly intended on leaving the Survey Corps or abandoning you…You mean so much to me…but I’m still sorry that I-“

“Stop,” he rose to his feet and you quickly followed, anticipation and fear at his next possible words, building up inside of you, making you feel like burning. “You don’t have to apologize. You did nothing wrong.”

That calmed you down a bit, the fear leaving your mind, but instead, worry settled as you looked at the way he lowered his head and bit his lip.

“I acted wrongly…I was foolish by thinking that pushing you away would bring you the freedom and happiness you sought,” he muttered and your face softened. “I just,” he sighed as his trembling hand went through his hair in an attempt to ground himself. “I just saw how impacted you would get after every expedition…how you started losing that glow of yours, your bubbly and sunny persona…I saw how hard you were trying to force yourself to stop caring, to be selfish and leave, but you still couldn’t because…because you’re not like that… damnit,” he grit out as he tugged on a few strands before letting his hand fall and rest against his hip limply.

He kicked himself inwardly. He was never good at expressing himself. The moment he had seen you in the crowd, the moment he had set a goal to talk to you and sort everything out, he had been reciting in his head and thinking what exactly he was going to tell you and how he was going to explain himself and the reasoning behind his actions.

“I just-“

“-wanted me to be happy…So you thought that by being a dick and pushing me away, you would make me leave so I can find my peace and quiet somewhere far, far away,” you finished for him, deciding to help him out which caused him to halt in his speech and just stare at you, waiting for your next words, the terror of you rejecting him or telling him that you didn’t feel the same anymore felt like a nettle rope around his neck, getting tighter and tighter with each second, suffocating and scathing him. “Listen, while you might have been partially right, you were also wrong. Because even if I do find happiness away from all the bloodshed, it just wouldn’t be the same without you, silly,” you shook your head as you sent him a sad smile. “I’d rather endure all the pain and suffering in the world than be separated from you,” you finally took the courage to close the space between you as you laid your head on his chest, arms slowly sliding around his torso. He didn’t hesitate to return the hug, sharply bringing you closer, if that was possible, and squeezing you so hard you didn’t know whether to groan from pain or chuckle at seeing him express himself so openly and in such a sweet, boyish manner. It kind of brought back memories from the days you lived in the Underground and how he would hug you exactly like that when you would do something stupid that would put you at risk, albeit a bit more awkwardly since back when you were teenagers you both had no idea how to express your love for each other.

“Deep down I knew you were onto something. Because why would you start acting like that so suddenly? It just wasn’t in your style. But at the same time I felt…” he tightened his embrace even more and buried his face in your hair, inhaling your scent and letting it comfort his tortured mind. He had missed you so unbearably much.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry,” he whispered and you sighed as you ran your hands over his back in a soothing manner.

“I forgive you, Levi…I understand that you did it for my own good. But believe me when I say that I can’t find true freedom or happiness without you by my side,” you placed a kiss on his shoulder before pulling away to look him in the eyes. “Don’t ever leave. Don’t ever try to make me leave. Let’s just stick together through thick and thin as we’ve done since we were kids, ok?” you asked and he nodded, leaning hesitantly. You met his lips halfway and you kissed gently which slowly turned into a passionate, hungry, heated and desperate make out as you tried to feel one another after a whole year of being apart. When you finally broke it off, needing air, you rested your forehead against his and let yourself soak in his presence. He did the same. You just stayed like that, foreheads touching, arms around one another as you swayed ever so slightly.

“Want to help me pack?”

#levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #reader #reader imagine #aot x reader #snk x reader

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k-llama-llama · 3 years

Text

A Piece of You

Seventeen AU: 14th member

Rei x Seventeen

A glimpse into Rei and Taemin’s last day together.

Rei is not a permanent addition so if you have requests let me know…but she’s just an idea I had. She is NOT cannon with the rest of my AUs.

A/N: sorry for the delay!!….ALSO CHECK OUT MY PATREON FOR ACCESS TO EXCLUSIVE CONTENT AND EARLY ACCESS (patreon.com/kllamallama)

Requests are OPEN!!!

Masterlist and other Follow Me links in bio!

“Are you going to stop moping around?” Taemin asked. “Or am I going to have to finish your noodles for you?”

Rei sighed, shoving the bowl towards him. “You can finish them. I don’t feel like eating.”

Taemin rolled his eyes and didn’t touch her food. “Rei, I love you, but you’ve been super depressing today. What’s up?”

Rei just stared at him. She’d been at his place for almost two hours, and she’d yet to crack a smile. Looking at him just made her want to cry even more, but Chan had made her promise not to be weird when she was with Taemin.

“You should eat.” She said finally. “You need it.”

“I still have some promotions to do,” He shook his head with a wary laugh. “You trying to fatten me up?”

“No…I just…” Rei trailed off. “Never mind, just eat it.”

She looked down at her lap. This was the last full day that they would have together before his enlistment, and she wasn’t handling it well. Her breakdown at the dorm that morning had been evidence of that. Chan had shaken sense into her, so here she was, being miserable and thoroughly unable to enjoy her limited time with her boyfriend.

“Rei, you know you can talk to me about it, right?” Taemin smiled softly.

Rei turned away from him, tucking her legs under her on the couch and studying the frayed pattern on the cushion. “Just eat, okay? Who knows what the food is like…where you’re going.”

Taemin sighed, reaching across the coffee table to place a hand on her knee. “Rei, I’m not going to Mars. I’m not even leaving the country. They’ll have food there.”

“But what if it’s not enough?” She protested. “They’ll have you working hard and you might not eat enough and I’m not going to be there to…” She trailed off, staring at the cushion again as she tried to swallow her tears.

She heard him stand up and felt him settle on the couch beside her. “Baby, I thought we talked about this. You were fine last week.”

“Yeah, well…” She pulled on a loose thread. “Last week wasn’t the last time we were going to get to spend the day together until who knows when.”

“We’ll still be able to talk.” He rubbed her shoulder. “It won’t be so bad.”

Rei could no longer hold back her tears, and they broke free.

“No, no, no.” Taemin pulled her into a hug, kissing her hairline. “Rei, please don’t cry. I promise, you don’t need to worry. It’s not worth crying over.”

“I’m sorry. I promised I wouldn’t cry.” She sniffled.

“What? You promised who that you wouldn’t cry?”

“The boys.” She wiped her eyes. “They told me not to make this about me but I can’t keep it together.”

“Make what about you? Rei, what’s wrong?” He lifted her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes.

She swallowed. “I just wanted to make sure that we could have a good day. But I’m going to miss you so much and I’m so worried and I just don’t know what to do.”

“Trust me,” He brushed her hair back from her face. “I’d much rather hang out with sad Rei than one who’s pretending to be okay when she’s not.”

“I’m going to miss you.” She said quietly. “I love you.”

“I’m love you so much and I feel like I already miss you so much that it’s crazy.” He pulled her closer. “But I really don’t want you to be sad.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t think we can help it.” Rei gave a small smile. “I’ve been told that I’m an overly emotional person.”

“By Chan?”

“Yeah.”

“I really don’t know if I like him.”

Rei snorted. “I always forget you don’t really know him. He’s fine. Once he finally grew out of hating me he’s really embraced the whole ‘tough-love’ mentality.”

“You aren’t going to need any tough-love, you’re going to need someone to snuggle with when I’m gone.” Taemin paused. “Platonically. I’d better still be your number one.”

Rei smiled. “Always.”

“Good.” He pulled her in for a kiss, and Rei let him distract her from her tears.

“On that note,” He said when he finally moved away. “I have a present for you.”

“Can I eat it?” She asked hopefully.

“No,” He laughed, standing from the couch and walking over to the kitchen counter. “But I’ll buy you food later. This is kind of a gift for you, and kind of a favour for me.”

“Ohh,” Rei sat up straighter. “Is it sexy?”

“Just take it,” He shook his head. “And don’t freak out.” He held out a piece of paper.

“Now I’m worried.” She leaned forward to take the paper. “What is…this looks like a lot of official writing.”

“It is.” He sat back on the couch.

Rei studied the document. There was a signature at the bottom, but it took her a minute to decipher the official documentation in Korean.

“This is about your apartment.” She said finally, scanning the page. His name and signature were at the bottom of the page, and next to it she recognized her own name in small font. “Why is my name on this?”

“There’s a spot for you to sign, too.” He pointed. “It’s an updated version of my lease.”

“What? You want to put me on your lease?” Rei dropped the paper into her lap. “What are you talking about.”

“I’m not going to be here, so I thought…” He trailed off.

Rei’s eyes widened. “I’m not moving in here. Especially when you’re not here. I live at the dorm with the guys.”

“I know.” Taemin said quickly. “That’s why I said it’s a favour to me. I need to have someone accessible on the lease when I’m away, and if you don’t do it, I’ll have to pick Key or something.”

“So you want me to be…your landlord?” Rei tilted her head.

Taemin chuckled. “I want you to put your name on the lease so that I have someone I trust taking care of the place, and you have somewhere you can go whenever you get sick of living with thirteen other people.”

Her panic gone, Rei felt her tears welling up again. “You want to put me on your lease?”

He nodded.

Rei let out a sound that was somewhere between a squeak and a scream and shoved the paper aside, tackling Taemin into a hug.

“I love you so much.” She smothered his face in kisses.

“I love you too.” He kissed her back. “So is that a yes?”

“Of course it’s a yes.” She laughed. “This is easily the best gift you’ve ever given me.”

“I’m happy you like it.” Taemin wrapped his arms around her waist, sighing deeply. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

“At least I’ll be able to show all of my army friends pictures of my super hot girlfriend. All of the other guys had to go in single.”

“Glad I can help you with that.” She deadpanned. “Should I send the nude photos via email or post?”

“Video message will do.” He laughed.

“Sure.” She rolled her eyes, leaning her head against his chest.

For a few long moments, they just held each other.

“Taemin?”

“Yeah?”

“Does this mean I can finally have the guys over here?” She settled back against his chest. “Because I’ve been telling them about the view from your balcony, and I just really think that –“

“Rei, you can have anyone over here that you want. I want this to feel like your…home away from home. You can do whatever you want.” He kissed the side of her face.

“Anything I want, huh?” Rei flipped around to look at him.

He narrowed his eyes. “We still have food on the table.”

“We’ll get more.”

#seventeen #seventeen au #seventeen imagines #seventeen 14th member #requests open #au #kpop #imagines #imagine #kpop au #kpop imagines #taemin imagine #kpop imagine

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nevertheless-moving · 3 years

Text

Unnamed Extremely Bad Plan to Defeat Darth Sideous AU - SW AU NO 9

Hopefully writing down this star wars au will help me exorcise the cringe demon that helped midwife it. Time travel au where obi-wan and Anakin come up with an extremely SPECIFIC and UNCOMFORTABLE plan to defeat Palpatine because it unfortunately, would actually work, as it capitalizes on one of Palpatine’s easiest to reach political vulnerabilities. This is not a unique plan- there are other au’s like this, but this one is mine. When searching for ways to explain exactly why this anti-sith strategy inspires such cringe and delight in myself I realized, with sinking dread, I have seen this in an Always Sunny episode...which yeah. I might be over reacting but hey, cringe is a personal phenomenon, everyone’s different.

Anyway! Uh here’s a bunch of plot that will eventually culminate in the plan.

*Too much plot, aaaah*. **All plot actually.** ***Its 1 am and this is still a draft*** ****It’s 2am**** *****This post will be just be background I guess.*****

*******STAR WARS AU NO 9 LAZILY OUTLINED CHAPTER ONE*********

Force ghosts Darth Vader and Ben Kenobi have had time to yell at one another without need for breath, and have more-or-less come to terms with the trainwreck that was their shared life. I wouldn’t call them well adjusted, but they’re more stable then they were the last decade or so of their living existence.

In haunting Luke, they end up encountering an artifact in an ancient Willis temple that offers spirits the chance to fix the mistakes they made in life. It doesn’t truly unwrite what’s been done, but it lets you create an alternate timeline. So this galaxy will still be what it is, but some alternate galaxy somewhere could at least have it better. Its almost never been used, because becoming one with the force usually lets you accept the past, but viewed objectively, Vader and Ben’s lives involved an extreme amount of yikes. They say goodbye to Luke and are flung backwards and sideways.

Anakin is holding his mother as she dies. Obi-Wan is landing on Genosis.

Vader just barely manages to avoid slaughtering the tuskens. To be honest, he doesn’t really get why he shouldn’t- his moral compass is still pretty f-ed up. He’s fairly certain the force is just torturing him, but still he controls himself (for Padme for Luke for Leia).

I’m gonna say well-adjusted!Vader sees murder in general as more of a vice than a sin- on par with having a beer. And really well adjusted Vader is willing to admit to himself that he’s an alcoholic, he seriously cannot regulate, its a problem. He really can’t let himself go, because he’ll just end up spiraling. And so he restrains himself and only seriously maims a few of the adult raiders.

Vader figures he can always come back later and slowly torture them to death if this whole ‘save the future’ thing doesn’t pan out.

Obi-wan leaves his shuttle and hides under a rock for 30 minutes. He calculates thats just enough time for him to pretend he went on an extremely effective and sneaky fact finding mission- just in case anyone checks R4′s records. Gets back in shuttle and gets the fuck out of there, much to Dooku’s chagrin, who lost sight of him after the shuttle landed and is now going to have to switch to one of his alternate start-the-war plans.

On the flight back he reports everything to the council- fallen Dooku and the separatist leaders, the trade federation and the massive droid army, Jango Fett the clone template of the republic army (?) working for the separatists. He briefly comms Anakin, but anyone hacking into their conversations would hear only a nonsensical, rambling conversation. Later, a hacker might turn over the idea that they were speaking in elaborate code, but why would Jedi invent such a thing during peacetime?

The war still starts; at this point in the timeline it was inevitable; the artifact was only designed to give them the chance to correct their own failings, not the galaxy’s. Palpatine still gets his emergency powers.

The same day the armies are discovered, separatist war ships take off to engulf Ryloth. The Jedi are instructed by the senate to lead the clone army and provide immediate relief-this will not be a repeat of the republic’s inaction on Naboo. It’s both better and worse than the first Battle of Genosis. So many more civilians are caught in the crossfire. The first titanic battle is not contained to evacuated droid factories, but rages across an entire populated world. The battle lasts for weeks.

The main reason this fight is less deadly is solely due to the fact that General Kenobi manages to maneuver his way into high command of the entire army.

“I believe assumptions were made since I was the first point of contact with Kamino, Masters,” the Knight explained apologetically to the arriving high council members. “I realize its not quite appropriate, but for right now I am the Jedi most familiar with our forces and the enemies. I would, of course, prefer to cede the role to someone else.”

The assembled Jedi can feel the truth in that statement.

“For better or for worse, advance troops were directed by the senate to land planetside and have met heavy resistance. I managed to redirect them to a more defensible position, where they can provide surface based cover fire for incoming reinforcements. The battle has already begun.” He received a grim nod of approval from Master Windu.

“I feel the need to say now, that if there’s one thing I learned from my time as a general on Melida/Dann, or in working against Death Watch on Mandalore, its that having a clear chain of command is vital for a military to succeed. I don’t need to remind some of you that leadership breakdowns were what ultimately ended both the Stark Hyperspace War and the Yinchorri Crisis,” Masters Koon and Tiin exchanged looks before deliberately sending forth a small force wave of approval, understanding where this briefing was leading.

“I believe that unnecessarily restructuring command before the battle is won here could do far more harm than good.” The reminder of Obi-wan’s unusually militaristic apprenticeship put some of the assembled knights at ease even as it inspired a twinge of guilt in the older masters.

“In command you are, General Kenobi,” Master Yoda finally acknowledged. “A Jedi Master you will be, once done this battle is. Have us do, what would you?”

The battle lasts for weeks, and when its over, the commanding Jedi and Troopers involved will openly acknowledge that had anyone else been in command, it would’ve lasted months, if not years. Facing down logistical, strategic, and tactical problems on a scale unheard of for a thousand years, High General Kenobi does not falter.

Enemy reinforcements seem unending. For all their preparation, every single trooper is new to war, and secretly concerned that should they fall, they will be replaced with cadets who hadn’t even finished their training.

Obi-Wan is putting out fires before they can start. Much to their shock, clone commanders are informed that they will, for the time being, remain in charge of their troops. With a handful of exceptions, Jedi ‘Generals’ were in fact, to be treated as a cross between highly skilled commandoes and advisors with abnormally sourced field intelligence.

“All of you have spent your lives training to lead your brothers into combat. The Jedi Masters and knights who are being assigned to your divisions have not received such training.”

General Kenobi addressed the division commanders, some in person, some over holocomm. All focused in rapt attention as their General reordered the shape of their lives using language they could understand.

“The command structure I am issuing is designed to maximize our ability to utilize our respective strategic capabilities, while minimizing potential loss of your life. It will be our great privilege to serve alongside such an army, and while I fully expect a complementary exchange of knowledge in time, for now, focus on survival.”

The Jedi received similar briefings, tailored for their broader array of combat and military experience. Some, including Jedi Master Pong Krell and Grandmaster Yoda, were pulled aside and tasked with the essential mission of infiltrating and destroying the Droid factories on Genosis. If they were to have a chance of winning this war, they they would need to cut off the seemingly unceasing flow of droid reinforcements.

An elite squadron of Arctroopers and Jedi field operatives were covertly dispatched, Grandmaster Yoda himself in command. Considering Count Dooku had yet to appear anywhere near Ryloth...the grandmaster had the best chance of bringing in the fallen separatist leader alive for questioning.

Shortly after they left, Anakin arrived, having finally turned over Padme’s protection to her regular guard. With the military creation vote past, the assassination risk was considered minimal. The real delay in his arrival came from her repeated attempts to join the Grand Army of the Republic on Ryloth with the intent of coordinating humanitarian assistance. Eventually he managed to convince her that she could do more good in the senate.

After all, he pointed out, someone would need to followup the military creation act with a bill to grant clones equal citizen rights. Otherwise, the legal grey area that cloning fell under and their non-republic origin would inadvertently make the clones slaves.

His borrowed Nabooan cruiser entered the warzone with the grace and efficiency as a small neutron bomb.

Those close enough to see its flaming descent watched in horror, realizing that the high generals own padawan would likely be a war casualty before he ever engaged in combat.

The legion nearest to soon-to-be-ground-zero, under the command of Captain Rex of the 501st, were distracted by heated combat, as the temporary barricade they had put up to defend the civilian population gave way to droidika artillery.

While reloading, several dozen troopers happened to look up to see a speck detach itself from the hull as at spiraled in the lower atmosphere. Hope spread that the Jedi had managed to activate some sort of eject hatch. A skilled shocktrooper could probably control and and survive such a fall with luck, which mean a Jedi almost certainly could.

A few tactical scouts charged with watching the skies confirmed that the speck was indeed a humanoid. No chute was visible, but even 8 days into the war, rumors had already spread about how Master Windu had passed off his chute mid-air to a troopers who had been damaged by suppressing fire, cushioning his free fall solely with the tank he crushed upon landing.

Only one trooper, stationed in the town clock tower specifically to track the Padawan’s arrival and issued with a high-resolution farscope, saw the whole thing. Fortunately for his credibility later, in its current setting, the scope automatically logged photos every 5 seconds, ensuring that for years to come Obi-Wan would have a flipbook as evidence that he was not the crazy one.

CT-3609 or Blink (as he was named after winning the division wide staring contest on Kamino two year prior) forwarded the trajectory of the vehicle to command, who confirmed his analysis that it would impact two clicks out from their makeshift fort and not present a risk to civilian or trooper lives.

As it traversed the stratosphere a figure (desperate repair droid, Blink assumed) emerged from the cockpit to perch on the nose of the ship. As it entered the troposphere, it became painfully obvious that the figure jutting out from the hull of the ship was in fact not a humanoid droid, but an unarmored human. The Jedi stood on the prow of the ship, seemingly impervious to and oblivious of:

air resistance

centrifugal force

normal space gravity

Blink’s slack-jawed bewilderment

the flames engulfing the ship below him

At this range, the smirk on the man’s face was visible (man? boy? kriff is he even through puberty?). Several miles above the surface he leaped, diving towards the ground like a bird of prey.

To the west, the ship made impact with the ground, sending a shockwave that shook the tower just enough for Blink to lose visual in the final moments of descent. Cursing, as while he was confident the Jedi would inexplicably survive, he really wanted to see how. The trooper scanned the droid-engulfed farmland to the north for a crash site, to no avail. Lingering smoke from the burnt countryside negatively impacted visibility low to the ground.

Rather than trying to articulate his report into words, he sent the 50-odd frames the farscope had saved, as well as the coordinates for the jedi’s projected radius of touchdown. A quick radio over to long range electro-ballistics ensured that his landing wouldn’t be marred by friendly fire.

He awaited follow-up questions on the absurd entry method, which, when they came, mostly consisted of variations on “...Is this for real?” and eventually “Can you set the scope to video for a little while?” and finally “Do you think that’s how he got the name Skywalker?”

There was a temporarily lull in fire from the west, likely a ripple effect from the ship’s explosion. From his vantage point Blink could see his batchmates using the opportunity to try and plug the holes in their barricade with broken droid pieces. Regardless of the itch to join them, he knew he couldn’t leave his post until the Jedi actually arrived in camp. Finally, a distant explosion and thick pillar of smoke gave the Jedi’s position away.

He tried to make out details, but the scope had a difficult time focusing through the haze. Manually trying to fine tune the scope’s settings, Blink caught a glimpse of what looked like half a hover tank sailing through the air to impact with a trade federation troop carrier in a fiery explosion. Several more explosions, flying droid artillery, and plumes of smoke were caught on record before visual contact with the source was established. He was mostly visible as a blue blur, lightsaber mowing a meandering path towards their location.

It wasn’t until Skywalker braced himself in place to punch a droidaka into pieces that Blink caught actual sight of the man. Only his eyes were visible, nose and mouth covered by layers of cloth. He blurred, then reappeared on top a massive missile launcher attached to an absurdly heavily armored vehicle. A minute or so of rapid blue flashes passed, the longest he had seen concentrated in one area. Then Skywalker was gone, movement clearly visible as he for once he moved in a straight line, plowing a rapid path away from the launcher.

Less than 30 seconds later, Blink had to wince away from the scope, as a burning white explosion temporarily overwhelmed the direct light filter. The trooper panicked for a moment, thinking he had gone both deaf and blind, but the abrupt, sucking silence ended after a moment with a deafening sonic boom. The shockwave rattled the farscope, nearly knocking it over, but Blink managed to steady it and himself in time.

A cheer emerged from pleasantly surprised vod below. The entire droid legion that had been guarding the missile launcher and apparent ordinance bay was flattened.

It took a moment for the realization to set in that the background noise of missile and and anti-missile collisions directly overhead had slowed pace. With the northern flank gone, artillery were able to redouble efforts to the east, and a second white hot shockwave ensued, signaling that the tide of battle had shifted. It was almost too easy for the republics electro-ballistics to tactically devastate the surrounding forces.

Eventually some sort of win/loss programming must have set in and all forces outside of a certain radius began retreating southward, conceding the scorched land to the republic army. It was cadets work to clean up the final suicidal droid charge.

A commotion ensued as Skywalker leapt the barricade with a mid-air flip. The vod greeted him with cheers, as they correctly assumed his appearance had something to do with the skirmish’s decisive victory.

Blink sent the video of the battle to command and quickly packed up his scope and assorted equipment. Hurrying down the battered tower, Blink thought to himself that this Anakin Skywalker was the best sort of Jedi a trooper could ask for.

uh sorry i got really sidetracked there moving on

Kenobi and Skywalker quickly become the face of the war once again

they grit their teeth a bit, but when they finally have a moment to really plan they eventually agree that to take down Sideous they have to cut off his political power in addition to everything else, and taking advantage of their public personas was the most accessible way to do so (*evil laughter*)

While Dooku wasn’t captured, Yoda heard the truth in his old student’s cryptic warnings about a Sith in the Senate, and the council begins carefully editing their release of tactical plans to the Chancellor’s office in the hopes of ferreting out the spy in their midst.

Pong Krell looses two arms in his duel with Dooku. Obi-Wan successfully hides his smug pleasure at the news. Anakin enjoys makeing comparisons between him and Grievous.

Kenobi doesn’t allow the origin of the clones to go unexamined, although he agrees that if the public were informed that they don’t actually know who ordered them it would probably cause panic.

The ‘inhibitor chips’ are ‘discovered’ early on and Anakin leads the effort to ensure that they are phased out and removed immediately. This consists of reminding every Jedi who even hesitates about how how he as a child slave had some experience with control chips and unless you want to take a leaf out of the hutts books lets start doing brain surgery chop chop mmmkay?

(This isn’t to say that Vader doesn’t still a twinge of shame at acknowledging his slave roots. But it is eclipsed by the burning guilt that he knowingly acted as slave master to his troops for decades after Sideous wiped their minds. He tried to rationalize it to himself, after all he didn’t immediately understand what Order 66 had done to the troopers. But while the morality of murder was more of an intellectual concern than a personal one, treating people as things...)

The Kamonions are a little harder to budge, referencing contracts that they refuse to allow the Jedi to see

Finally Vader snuck into the Chief Medical Scientist’s home while she was sleeping and straight-up threatened to murder her and burn down her lab. At the risk of losing her life’s work, Nala Se complied.

Vader left with the final threat that in the event that Darth Tyranus caught wind and activated Order 66 prematurely, he would kill 100 Kamonians for every Jedi felled by troopers. Shaak Ti was pleased by the cloners sudden change of heart. Tyrannus, and by extension, Sideous, are in the dark.

Obi-Wan frequently publicly confronts Palpatine about the troops citizen status, urging him make use of his emergency powers to grant them citizenship and full pay, with the option to leave the army should they so wish.

Anakin manages to play off his avoidance of the Chancellor as disappointment in his perceived lack of dedication to anti-slavery efforts

Finally Palpatine gives in- regardless of what happens next, the troops will be looked after.

With 2/3rds of the troopers dechipped, Vaderkin is eager to kill Sideous again, but after several intense screaming matches and sparring sessions, the time travelers come to the agreement that even if they succeed in their duel, with things as they were, the perception of the Jedi military coop would cause mass civil unrest. The scattered sith apprentices, while individually weak, were more than capable of magnifying that fear and anger until the galaxy breaks. Darth Sideous wanted to ensure that if he couldn’t have the galaxy, no one would.

(Vader knows this. Sideous enjoyed monologuing, and much of his plotting couldn’t be safely bragged about until after he had decisively won, leaving Vader as the unwilling receptacle for years of pent-up rants and self-satisfied gloats about the inevitability of his victory)

Continued Here

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shmoo92 · 2 years

Text

Unreconciled Star Gazing

“My parents would flay me alive if they saw me,” grumbles Tartaglia, wrapping himself up in his bedroll because he’d just learned Lumine didn’t have one, had insisted she use his, and had his offer brutally declined.

(“I’m fine,” she said. “I don’t need to sleep.”)

“I would hope your parents would be pragmatic enough to recognize how useless it would be for someone who *doesnt sleep* to borrow the bedroll of someone who *needs* sleep,” she replies, lying down in the grass.

Tartaglia squawks and gestures at her.

Lumine gives him a dirty look and gestures skywards.

Tartaglia huffs, but flops downs.

Fireflies mosey through the air.

In the distance, a crane takes flight.

Lumine begins, “so—“

Tartaglia hums.

Lumine stays silent.

A soft breeze pick up; the leaves whisper to themselves.

“Do Harbingers share information?”

Tartaglia rolls over. “In what sense?” He grins. “About you?”

“About ….” Lumine doesn’t even look at him. “Stuff.”

Tartaglia rolls back over. “So first you have to understand that none of us like each other, but beyond that, none of us are at all interested in cooperating. Which is fine—our assignments are all divergent enough that none of us see each other at all regularly and when we do, it’s for lkke five minutes at a time, max.” Tartaglia shoved down a swell of irritation. “As you saw with Zhongli and Signora.” He exhales his ire, then, “Probably the Tsaritsa arranged things that way so we wouldn’t team up for—Tsaritsa forgive me—an attempted coupe d’état.”

Lumine hums.

“None of that answers your question.” Tartaglia huffs. “We’re supposed to send regular reports back to the capital. Detailed enough to serve as Her Majesty’s eyes and ears, but not so detailed that it’s like she’s there personally, because she doesn’t have time for that. As for what she then does with that information—“ He shrugs. “The Tsaritsa shares m what nuggets will be useful, but like I said, our assignments are typically too divergent for a Harbinger to find anything useful from another Harbinger’s intelligence.” He cackles. “Not that Scaramouche has any to begin with!” As he snickers, he watches Lumine from the corner of his eye.

There’s tension in her eyes and jaw that goes beyond mild irritation with him.

“If you’re wondering how this applies to our deal and your search for your brother, the Tsaritsa’s passed along the sketch to the other Harbingers, they passed it along to their divisions, and if anyone sees anything, they’ll mail me directly.” With a slight grimace, he adds, “There’ll be a few days delay, depending on where I am, but what I’m hoping is that we’ll get enough sightings that we can plot them on a map and triangulate his usual haunts—“

She flinched.

“Stomping grounds. Usual stomping grounds.” Gently, he asks, “Does that help? The breakdown, I mean.”

“Let’s go with that.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

Lumine …. “What do you think of the stars?”

“They’re pretty but when you’re looking at them, you’re not looking at the monster before you. But seriously, what’s wrong?”

Lumine huffs and crosses her arms. “Thé lot of you are a bunch of weirdos, is what’s wrong.”

“Do you honestly think any of the Harbingers would’ve gotten this job if we /weren’t weirdos?”

Lumine concedes, then, “Go to sleep, Tartaglia.”

He pouts. “No goodnight kiss?”

“With a sword? Sure.”

“Nevermind~!”

#this shmoo writes #Genshin impact #chilumi

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the-last-kenobi · 3 years

Note

For BTHB "Halucinations" with Obi-wan on Zigoola?

@coalmine301 you do delight my whump-loving heart. Sorry this took so long!

tw for mental breakdown, ptsd, graphic injury, self harm, and torture.

Zigoola was not a place.

At least, it was not only a place. Not anymore.

The power of the Force, honed and used and washed over a place over time, eventually causes great change.

The Jedi Temple was not merely a building, after all, but a beacon of peace and light for all who could feel it. Its bones ran deep with power, layers upon layers of light.

It was the way of the Light to be fortitude, to be patience, to be serenity, forgiveness, humility.

It was the way of the Dark to be recklessness, to be rage, to be thrill, to be destruction, consumption, emotion.

And Zigoola was Dark.

Dark indeed.

And when Obi-Wan Kenobi left that hellish planet, secure in the worried arms of Bail Organa and Padmé Amidala...

Zigoola followed him home.

: : : : :

Anakin and Ahsoka returned from their most recent campaign flushed with triumph and eager to share the bragging stories all the men did, with bravado and cheer to help cover for the losses met and the sacrifices made.

They returned when most of Obi-Wan’s external injuries had been washed away by bacta.

“Hey, Master,” Anakin greeted him, stretching luxuriously as he swaggered into their quarters. He always called him Master when he was worried about him. “Heard you got roughed up on a mission. What happened?”

His eyes were overly keen. He had seen that Obi-Wan is (is?) fine, and now he wanted to know why secrets were being kept.

How dare they send his Master alone on some secret mission?

How dare they allow him to be harmed because Anakin wasn’t there beside him?

“We met with some turbulence,” Obi-Wan said calmly, carefully turning in his chair in a way that showed Anakin his face while casting the still-pink burn on one side hidden by shadow, in a way that didn’t put pressure on his bad leg. (Worse leg.) “I’m all right. Bacta still smells as unpleasant as I recall.”

Anakin chuckled. He came to sit on a nearby chair, kicking his booted feet in the air.

“Anakin,” sighed Obi-Wan. He shifted again. Just a little. Just to keep his face out of direct light. “Please, sit properly?”

“This is properly,” his former apprentice teased. He flipped around so that his feet were off the back of the chair and his head was on the floor. “A chair is for getting off your feet and being comfy. I’m off my feet. I’m comfy. So this is totally proper.”

Obi-Wan muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “graceless ass.”

Anakin launched a cup coaster at him with the Force.

: : : : :

Obi-Wan woke suddenly in the dead of night.

It was pitch black in his room, but he could sense Anakin leaning over him as clearly as if he could see him.

“‘N’kin?” he mumbled.

Anakin shifted closer to the bed. “Yeah. Obi-Wan... what’s going on?”

“What?”

“You were screaming,” his friend said slowly. “In your sleep.”

Obi-Wan flushed, grateful that the darkness hid his face from view. “Oh. I’m sorry. You know how disturbed the Force is these days, especially here on Coruscant. I must have...”

“No,” Anakin cut across him. “It wasn’t like that. What aren’t you telling me?”

“It’s nothing, Anakin.”

“It’s not nothing.”

Obi-Wan sighed and shifted in his bed, tugging the sheets up higher, shielding himself from the chill of the room. “It is, Anakin. I’m sorry I disturbed you, but—”

“It’s not nothing,” said Anakin in a low voice. “If it was nothing you wouldn’t have lived. Why did you live?”

Obi-Wan’s heart stopped. “What?”

“Why did you live?” demanded Anakin’s voice. The dark presence beside him seemed to suddenly swell, filling the entire room, sucking out all the air. “Why didn’t you die, Jedi?”

“Anakin?” Obi-Wan said hoarsely, starting to sit upright.

Two hands caught him forcefully and shoved him back down, pinning him on his back. The bedsheets suddenly felt suffocating; his limbs were tangled in them hopelessly as he began to kick and struggle.

No matter how hard he thrashed, the hands held him firmly.

Obi-Wan opened his mouth - to question, to beg, to scream - something - but more hands came out of the blackness and closed around his throat, cutting off his voice before he could do more than let out choked cry.

The darkness remained, but somehow, Anakin’s snarling face came into view, illuminated in red as if by fire.

“You should have died on Zigoola,” he sneered. “Die, Jedi.”

And he snapped Obi-Wan’s neck.

: : : : :

Anakin meandered up the hallway, chasing a feeling.

It happened sometimes. The Force just prodded and poked with no clarity whatsoever.

He spotted a familiar figure at the end of the hallway, standing next to a large window overlooking the western horizon of Coruscant. Anakin knew long before he got close that it was Obi-Wan.

“Hey.”

The man didn’t move.

“Obi-Wan, Ahsoka wants to grab lunch at Dex’s before she sets out for her solo. You coming?”

He had his robe on, but it was wrapped tightly around him, and the hood was raised.

Anakin frowned and stepped closer. “Hey. Obi-Wan.”

Obi-Wan pulled his cloak even tighter around him. His head turned slightly. “Go ahead and say what you want to say,” his former Master muttered. “I won’t talk to you.”

Anakin looked as if he’d been slapped; the hand he had raised to touch the older man’s shoulder fell back to his side. “Fine,” he said curtly. “Whatever makes you happy I guess.”

He turned on his heel and stalked off, brimming with hurt and anger.

He was long gone before the Jedi by the window turned his head slowly to look where he had gone, a look of confusion on his face. “...Anakin?”

: : : : :

Night fell again.

Obi-Wan climbed slowly into bed, shaking like a leaf in a tempest. It took five tries - five - just to hoist himself onto his mattress and lay flat, his hands and feet trembling so badly that even his vision was vibrating.

His head began to pound.

Die, Jedi.

Die, Jedi, Die, Jedi, Die, Jedi Die Jedi Die Jedi Die-Jedi-Die-Jedi-Die-Jedi

DIE JEDI DIE—

Bail’s hands covering his. A flash of red. A flash of blue.

Obi-Wan clamped a palm over his mouth to contain the shriek of agony that exploded out of him.

His head - his leg—

Die Jedi

Bail was screaming—

Qui-Gon was reaching for him, then toppling backwards with a beam of red through his chest, his face frozen in a look of shock—

Die Jedi

Obi-Wan slammed his head against the headboard, screaming again into his hand.

“Obi-Wan!”

Anakin was standing over him again, and Obi-Wan curled away from him, clutching his wounded leg with one hand and covering his mouth with the other.

Anakin towered over him, tall, washed in the light streaming from the common area of their quarters—

Wait.

Anakin dropped to his knees, his expression almost frightened. “Obi-Wan! Obi-Wan, snap out of it!”

The older Jedi shuddered where he lay, digging his fingernails into his leg for a purchase on reality.

“Master,” Anakin begged. “Please talk to me!”

Obi-Wan reached further down his leg and shoved his fingertips into the open wound made by his own saber - but - but his fingers dug only into shallow scarring and the dull throbbing of still-healing tissue.

Zigoola.

Bail.

That injury.

It had all been... weeks ago. Weeks and weeks.

His former student knelt next to him, one hand clinging to the bedclothes, clearly wanting to comfort his Master but wary of frightening him further.

“...Anakin?” Obi-Wan whispered around his hand. His voice was small and cracked, a child’s voice after a night terror. “A-Anakin?”

The younger man exhaled shakily, nodding. “Yeah. Yeah. It’s me, Master. Listen. Obi-Wan, you have to let go of your leg... and your face... you’re hurting yourself, all right? Just let go.”

Obi-Wan stared at him.

Anakin stared back, half-stern, half-begging.

After a moment, Obi-Wan obeyed.

He released his leg gingerly, and felt only the residual pain of his slow-healing stab wound and the sharp imprints of his own fingernails.

Then he removed his hand from over his mouth.

His howl of anguish when a red blade pierced Anakin from behind tore through the room, and died into terrified dry sobbing when Anakin fell dead to the floor, his young face painted with shock.

: : : : :

“Master Kenobi!”

Obi-Wan ignored it.

Whoever it was would get his attention more forcefully, real or otherwise. He had no choice but to accept it, but delaying, delaying he could do.

“Master Kenobi! Obi-Wan Kenobi, have you lost your hearing?”

A middle-aged Twi’lek with bold blue skin shouldered her way in front of him; her expression was fierce, but her eyes and the hand she pressed against his chest to stop him were exceedingly gentle. “Obi-Wan?” she repeated.

“Master Che,” he answered dully. “Can I help you?”

“I was about to ask you the same,” she returned, eyes narrowing with concern as she took in his wan visage. “Obi-Wan, your health is deteriorating. An apprentice Healer could tell that at a glance. Why didn’t you come to the Halls?”

“There’s no point,” he said. “It’s just lack of sleep. I’ll pull through.”

Her lekku twitched. “Lack of sleep, hm? That doesn’t explain the rapid weight loss, the new damage on your arms, or your eroding mental shielding...”

“I am fine, Vokara,” the youngest Councilor said sharply. “I won’t be forced into the Halls against my will. If something is really wrong, by all means, feel free to scrape me off the pavement.”

He walked away with his hands folded in his sleeves. His head was bowed.

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” the Healer murmured, and picked up her comm unit. “Skywalker. We need to have a conversation. Your Master’s last mission is classified on a need-to-know basis. And you need to know.”

: : : : :

Anakin entered their shared rooms cautiously this time.

The lights were off, save a few small illuminators scattered around the room, radiating soft warm light like candles. Obi-Wan’s robe was draped over the back of the chair, and his boots were set neatly on a mat against the wall, a contrast to Anakin’s, which could usually be found in odd places like on a chair or next to the refrigerator unit.

His former Master’s door was closed.

Hardly daring to breathe, Anakin gently pushed it open.

He blinked, letting his eyes adjust to the deep darkness, and felt his breath hitch.

The bed was empty.

The sheets were tangled and strewn halfway across the floor, as if the occupant had been dragged away or had left in a panic.

Anakin sprang forward, his heart in his throat, as he noticed two things.

A black scorch mark in the floor, where a saber had struck it.

And Obi-Wan’s lightsaber lying discarded in the corner.

“Obi-Wan!” Anakin yelled. “No... no—Obi-Wan!”

: : : : :

Obi-Wan ran.

His vision was flickering like an old holo, flashes of different things all layered together - was he running over damp grass with Qui-Gon - or the polished floors of the Jedi Temple - or the cracked stone of a Sith Temple with Bail - or a strange fiery planet with bursts of lava and Anakin just out of reach - or —

He didn’t know.

He kept running, constantly changing direction as he registered obstacles and turns at the last second.

There was a tree in front of him. He veered left and smacked into a stone wall carved with Sith Runes.

The graven words burned red and fire lanced out at him, biting into his clothing and taking hold, setting him aflame.

Obi-Wan gasped. He stumbled backwards, trying desperately to peel the burning clothing off of him, hearing maniacal laughter echoing from the black corridors all around him, hearing the screams of the dying, the dead.

Someone grabbed him by the arm and he wheeled around, the fire vanishing inexplicably as Cody, wearing bloodstained armor but without his helmet, stumbled into his arms, gasping for air.

Before Obi-Wan could speak, Cody spat out a mouthful of blood and fell to his knees. His hands dragged the Jedi down with him. But when they hit the floor, it was only Obi-Wan, on his hands and knees in some corridor of the Temple, shuddering and crying.

Die Jedi Die Jedi Die Jedi Die Jedi Die Jedi Die

Die Jedi

DIE JEDI

Die

Jedi Die Jedi

Die

DIE JEDI DIE

Die

die

The voices in his head rose and coalesced.

Now the voices of the Sith and the voices of his past and the voices of the future and the voices of the dead were all in agreement—

DIE, JEDI

Obi-Wan reached out desperately for the Light.

There was only Darkness.

Die, Jedi, Die, Jedi

Qui-Gon, running ahead of him chasing a Sith across catwalks. Obi-Wan, desperately racing after him.

Qui-Gon turning at the last second, his verdant lightsaber running Obi-Wan through. The man smiled. Relieved. Pleased. “Die,” he said.

Anakin, ten years old, tentatively asking to spend the night in the same sleeping mat on a mission. Obi-Wan, gently pulling his apprentice into his arms. Waking up hours later with small hands wrapped around his throat and cutting off his air. The innocent face grinned. “Die.”

Ahsoka, dangling out the side of a crashing Y-wing, crying out in pain as her injured shoulder strained. Obi-Wan, diving to catch her hand before she could fall, lifting her back into the ship. Hugging her. And then she kicked him, hard, sending him flying out the door and to his death. She smiled after him. “Die.”

Where was the light?

Where?

...There.

A faint blur of light. A glow.

The feel of fresh air, defying the horrifying visions.

Obi-Wan fixed his eyes on the light, and jumped.

“...NO!”

Someone stopped him. Caught him violently around the waist and dragged him back, pulling him back into the shadows.

Obi-Wan wept, utterly spent.

“Obi-Wan!” a voice raged at him. “What were you doing? What were you even doing?!”

The Jedi only continued to weep silently, letting the strong arms haul him further away. He felt himself lowered to the ground, felt arms come around him in an embrace that felt restrictive.

“Talk to me! Dammit, Master, I need you to focus. Please! Come on, open your eyes properly. Look at me. Look at me.”

The voice became gentler as it went on. Warm and soothing, like the small fires they pitched in encampments, when it was safe to do things like that.

A gentle Force presence brushed against his mind.

It blew through the claws and thorns of Darkness like a hot wind - painful at first, and then calming.

Comforting.

Bright.

Obi-Wan opened his eyes and found himself collapsed in Anakin’s arms, his friend looking down at him with a face twisted with fear and concern. They shifted a little into relief when he met Anakin’s blue eyes.

“...A-Ana...An’kin?” Obi-Wan asked, hardly daring to hope.

Anakin nodded fiercely. “Yeah. It’s me. Listen — we’re going to talk about this later. We’re going to fix this. I’m not going to leave you alone for a second, you hear me? We’ll stick together until this is over. But for now...”

He swallowed hard and looked up at the open balcony mere yards away, glowing innocently in the light of a Coruscant night, the only source of light in the long dark hallway.

“Let’s get you somewhere safe.”

Obi-Wan exhaled softly. “...All right.”

And then his eyes fluttered closed again, his head tilting to one side to rest against his Padawan’s shoulder. Anakin jolted slightly in alarm, but when he checked, he realized that his old Master was merely sleeping.

A proper sleep.

For the first time in Force knew how long.

Anakin sighed and stood up, carrying Obi-Wan in his arms. He was heavy, but still too light and too thin for Anakin’s liking.

The report from Master Che... Anakin bit the inside of his cheek hard to contain a curse, remembering the extensive list of injuries and repercussions the Healer had given him with her eyes full of uncharacteristic worry.

But it would be all right.

They’d handle it together.

They always had.

Always would.

Anakin paused at the end of the corridor and looked back. He held Obi-Wan a little tighter— remembering the moment he had come tearing up this same hall not five minutes before, just in time to see him - the man he had followed for twelve years, humorous and serene and kind and steady, his mentor, his best friend, almost his father, even closer to being a brother...

See him sobbing, stumbling blindly, preparing to leap over the edge of the balcony to his death.

Tormented and lured by the Dark Side.

Anakin forced himself to turn away once more and move his feet back home, holding the sleeping Obi-Wan with all his strength.

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#bad things happen bingo #I write to make you upset #that’s it #that’s why #okay that’s an exaggeration but still #star wars #star wars fic #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #hurt comfort #this time with some actual comfort #zigoola #bail organa #long post

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