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#having gender thoughts is fun and nice its way better than being anxious about the reality of living
seaquestions · 10 months
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not a man or a woman but a secret third thing (girlguy)
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hello its me again!! i really love the way you wrote my previous request <3 if its okay to request again, may i request an enemies to lovers prompt or rivals to lovers prompt with jean, eula, beidou and ningguang? i love this prompt sm 🥺 you can just choose any of these four or if you want to add more characters !! <3 thank you :]
Woah I have a lot of ladies in my inbox! That's kinda funny considering that I always see blogs write for guys and bearly get any requests with girls.
Jean, Eula, Beidou and Ningguang rivals to lovers trope with their S/O
Reader here is gender neutral
Jean
Ah you remember the old days when she was just starting gathering her reputation as a knight. You were always trying to do better than her.
Your rivalry was very one sided too. Jean was just too nice to notice any of that. Even if she could feel that you did have a bit of a grudge against her, she never knew why was that.
But working with you was always efficient. To be honest she was anxious about letting you down whenever you worked together.
Still in the end she gained the title of acting Grandmaster and not you. It hurt and you were jealous, although deep down you admit that she deserved it more.
Ever since she gained that title you decided to calm down a little with always trying to do better than her... And that's how your feelings started.
You helped her more than anyone else. You supported her and made sure she's resting well. Honestly you didn't even realize that your heart was starting to skip a beat when she smiled at you.
She didn't either, and for some people it was "painful" to watch the two of you be so oblivious.
Once you felt that strong urge to prove that you were better than her, today you want to protect her smile and never let her down.
Jean was happy that you finally get along. She doesn't feel your piercing stares nor does she find you hard to talk to.
After a while you decided to be bold and asked her out on a date. You weren't fully sure of your feelings... But hey if you won't try you won't ever know.
The date was awkward but in a wholesome way. So you started meeting up more often whenever she and you were free (which isn't a lot but it's better than no alone time).
And before you know it you got the honor of calling her your girlfriend.
Eula
Being her rival was truly something I'll tell you that. Even as a fellow knight you were on the top of her vengeance list.
You took her victories and that was unacceptable.
The tense atmosphere between you was something to live for... She was always so full of grac- I mean... So full of herself!
She thought you were just another of those fools that dislike her purely because of her bloodline. You assumed a lot of foolishly foolish things so she had no time to waste on you.
But she did waste her time on you whether she wanted to or not. Whatever she did she couldn't avoid you and often ended in a situation where the two of you were alone together.
She thought you were following her... While you thought that she was the one following you.
While that rivalry was fun at the beginning it sure got annoying over all this time.
Although she still was kind under all of her layers and tones. She really cared for your safety, that's why she actually always tagged along. Her (main) motive wasn't taking away your glory.
You on the other hand just wanted to see her shine and get stronger. Not to mention that fighting alongside her was an honor.
She was exhausted with your petty arguments, so she was a bit softer for you. Even though she didn't wanted you to know- she trusted you a lot.
With that in mind she had a small foundation for her feelings. Before you know it- she ever so indirectly asked you out. She admits she rushed into things but she has no time to be doubtful.
While you definitely didn't expect that you couldn't deny that Eula sure was charming. And although your interactions were quite hostile, you did like her.
Perhaps the two of you should work on expressing feelings.
Beidou
There was that capitan of another crew that seemed to try and beat her to her treasures... And of course I'm talking about you.
Your rivalry was awfully friendly. She can appreciate some healthy competition. So while adventuring you were hostile, you always could come down to an agreement with a good drink with your good buddies.
You did annoy her slightly though, so don't you even think you charmed her yet.
As long as you weren't disrespectful to her crew you weren't someone she'd hate... But your rivalry did kinda paint you in less pleasant to be around light.
Sometimes she'd wonder how would something go if you joined forces just as a one time thing, so that's what she asked of you.
You were curious about it yourself so you agreed without thinking it through. You aren't kids so you didn't argue about who'll lead the expedition- you were co-leading.
And the whole thing working out only proved how well the two of you communicate and understand each other.
So most of her distaste for you disappeared. That little adventure did bring you closer but not close enough for her to like you in that way.
But most of the reason why she ended up feeling so was tied to it in one way or another.
It became easier talking to you and she did allow herself to be the full Beidou, once you allowed yourself to be full Y/N.
You ended up not having any secrets from each other, and if they were any they weren't something you wouldn't speak up about once the topic was brought up.
The mutual trust and respect combined with how close you got over recent time transformed into mutual feelings.
Ningguang
Although she was a business genius you weren't far behind. You were just as respected and you did agree in many situations. But you were rivals all the same.
So of course the market was a chase for you two. While it was a tough battle it only made things interesting.
Once you saw people invest in the opportunity to have a lunch with her you thought that tactic was kind of cheap. But you were curious and decided to go with that investment.
You never really talked to her outside of business and this could be your opportunity.
Nobody even dared to go against you either, so you didn't spend as much mora as other people.
Rumors started to go around but you didn't care as much. Theories of your motives were exaggerated but they weren't that far from the truth.
You wanted to get to know her. Not because you were interested in her romantically but more interested in her as a person.
You ended up having a lot in common, unless she was acting just so you get your money's worth.
Of course you only talked about something formal at first but you managed to switch the topic around so that you were able to warm up to each other.
She knew that you weren't after any advice of course, so she did suspect you just wanted an opportunity to talk alone without anyone butting in.
To be honest she did enjoy the time you spent together. Maybe she even enjoyed it more than the mora she got from it.
You two were awfully busy all the time, but you still had the time to have a short conversations and not let yourselves to be strangers anymore.
What you weren't expecting was that your feelings slowly started to bloom. You acted accordingly and as always you only made the right calls at the right time.
When you noticed her flirt back and make the efforts two you decided to make it official... But you also didn't say it to everyone around you.
After all your relationship is none of the public's business.
~Mod Lisa
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glowingbadger · 3 years
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SFW and nsfw request for Hilda, Marianne, and Dorothea pls!
Three lovely ladies coming right up ~ (I'm keeping things a tiny bit more brief than some other posts for each character since we have three this time around so this doesn't get too crazy long lol- I'm trying to pace myself a little better these days)
SFW (nsfw below the cut)
Hilda:
- Hilda is so fun as a partner, since she always knows how to have a good time without stressing the little things (or the medium things... or the big things...). She fully encourages you to join her in her lifelong effort to live as easily and comfortably as possible, and she hates to see you anxious or stressed. When you're in a bad mood, few people are as relaxing to be around, as she probably has a cute little craft she could use your help on while reminding you that "we're together, right? So between the two of us, we can get as much done with half the effort- so don't worry about the boring stuff!"
- She's the type to have really cute, thoughtful ideas for dates and gifts, but then to play it off completely when you thank or compliment her. She'll downplay gifts with a glib, "Oh, well, I was just in the mood to throw something together- it is nice though, isn't it?" doing her best to hide the please flush across her cheeks. She's confident, of course, but she doesn't immediately want to let on how much effort actually goes into her shows of affection. Overall, she's a little concerned by how her feelings for you make her want to put in effort, so if anyone comments on it, she'll do her best to disregard the conversation and act like her 'normal' self.
Marianne:
- As you might imagine, she needs a lot of assurance that you're sure you want to be with her- it simply seems too good to be true, when she harbors so many deeply seeded doubts about herself. With a good amount of encouragement though, she's a very loyal and affectionate partner. She's great at remembering birthdays, anniversaries and the like, always putting her whole heart into finding just the right token to show you the strength of her feelings. She'll also do her best to say it aloud, but she tends to murmur and stutter her way through her attempts- at least until a good while into the relationship.
- in a sort of cat-like way, her main way of showing her affection is to simply be near you (though of course, she asks over and over whether it bothers you to have her around). She loves to spend time quietly together, resting her head on your shoulder or your lap. The cutest thing is that, when you're relaxing together like this, if you brush her bangs aside and kiss her forehead, or simply smile warmly at her and tell her something simple and sweet, like how lovely her eyes are- and she just melts. Her face burns bright crimson, and she'll try to hide behind her hands, but it's obvious she's just overwhelmingly flattered.
Dorothea:
- Being with Dorothea is sometimes like dating a celebrity- you're asked for details about her and your relationship with her all the time, and you're considered more of a catch simply for being with her. She is, of course, aware of all of this, and simply rolls her eyes at the attention. For as glamorous as she seems, and as 'wild' as others assume your relationship must be, Dorothea actually has a rather classic idea of how relationships go. She enjoys all of the sweet little gestures and day-to-day expressions of affection- even just casually holding hands as you walk through town, or taking a bite of a pastry you hold out for her over tea.
- It's going to take a lot to make Dorothea feel secure enough to truly settle down with one person. It's always been her ultimate goal, of course, and her feelings for you are true and strong- but she's so accustomed to being self sufficient and independent. Best practice is to assure her that she's still more than welcome to exercise that independence as much as it suits her, and that you'll always be there when she does need your support. That level of understanding is a huge comfort to her. Perhaps paradoxically, knowing that she's free to do as she likes actually makes her far more willing to compromise here and there, and be giving and generous to her partner.
NSFW 18+ v
Mostly Gender Neutral, some AMAB
Hilda:
- It might not be a surprise that Hilda loves being coddled and spoiled in bed- but her absolute favorite is receiving oral. Her clit is very sensitive, and going down on her will have her moaning blissfully and arching up from the bed. If you're really devoted, it won't take long to learn how to get her to squirt like this. Pressing the flat of your tongue firmly to her clit and pulsing against her, moaning as you hold onto her thighs make her cum hard, her vision going white as she whimpers out your name.
- In general, Hilda likes to be with a soft dom. She likes a lover who takes the lead and directs her, but isn't too demanding or harsh, instead cooing to her about what a good girl she is for you, how wonderful her body feels, how cute she is when she moans your name. Her favorite position is to have you fucking her from behind with her lower body propped up on a pillow- and with time, she even discovers that she loves having you grab a hand full of her hair and tug on it while you thrust into her. It's a gorgeous view as well, since she has a nicely defined but plump ass that bounces beautifully against you as you buck into her.
- Hilda is quite fond of cockwarming and similar kinks, and the occasional slow, lazy love-making session with you spooning her in bed as your hips sway against her. She likes this relaxing, low-pressure way of feeling intimate with you, and given her clit is so sensitive, it's not like she requires a huge amount of stimulation to cum. She'll gladly spend a night in bed casually chatting as you slide into her and just savor the warmth of her wet cunt swallowing you.
Marianne:
- You're likely to be her first sexual partner, and it's going to take a long while for her to even feel comfortable exposing herself to you. With enough reassurance and a lot of pre-sex fooling around (one night you may just touch each other a bit while making out, then she may be comfortable with your fingers the next time, and so on), she eventually gains the confidence to realize that you do truly want her, and she wants you dearly as well. Eventually, the trust itself becomes oddly arousing to her, and while it will take a long time to discover this, she actually adores being blindfolded while you take your time touching and savoring her body. Being forced to focus so intently on physical sensation clears her mind of her anxieties.
- Marianne is surprisingly vocal in bed, though she doesn't want to be. It's honestly adorable, the way her hands cling to the sheets or to your body, her face a bright pink as she bites on her lip to stifle an adoring moan. Even light touches down the small of her back or up the curve of her inner thigh cause her to catch her breath, looking up at you adoringly with those big, shining eyes. Trying to hold back her moans is something she's not likely to 'grow out of' with experience, but she's so precious when her eyes roll back and she's whining and whimpering just to keep from crying out your name, it's hard to be upset about it.
Dorothea:
- Dorothea knows what she's doing, and she knows it- and she knows that she's tempting. While not an outright Dom by default (though she can definitely be encouraged into that role and she takes to it marvelously), she is confident and direct in bed. She'll smirk as she straddles your hips and runs her hands down your body, commenting on how she just can't wait to see you completely cut loose. In particular, she loves when you try to play cool and act as though she's not driving you mad with desire, only to fall apart as she pleasures you, gasping her name and leaning into her touch, or even breaking your sense of restraint and pinning her to the mattress to ravage her.
- She's not terribly loud in bed, much more likely to whisper sweet, sultry flattery into your ear. When she does let out an earnest moan, it's luxurious and lustful, almost song-like in its own right. Dorothea is also not shy about telling you what she likes or about trading notes on different positions or kinks you may want to try. She knows that everyone has unique desires, and she sees sex as both a bonding experience for the two of you, and as something that should be fun and easily enjoyed by you both.
- Dorothea loves giving tit-jobs and she is incredible at them. Even if you're just using a strap, she loves showing off her body to you, watching the expression of awe, admiration and a touch of disbelief as she puts on a lewd show of bouncing her breasts around your length. Her technique is impressive, and she's good enough at reading people that she'll easily figure out what you like best. Do you want to see the tip of your length pushing up from her cleavage, or would you prefer the warmth of her lips around your tip? How tight do you like her to squeeze her tits around you, and what pace gets you panting and bucking against her? She'll have you figured out in no time.
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Only Uphill From Here | R. W
Pairing: Ron Weasley x Gender Neutral Reader
Warnings: None
Words: 1,400
Request: Anon; can you do a cute fluff with ROn please, maybe he gets all tongue tied around the reader and it ends up being all cute
Summary: Ron finally gets the nerves to ask the reader on a date, and things don’t go exactly as planned
A/N: this was actually my first ever request and my first time writing for Ron! I hope I did you justice Anon. Sorry it’s short, uni’s has had me swamped.
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To say Ron was nervous was an understatement. He had finally gotten the balls to ask Y/N on a date, and much to everyone’s shock, they actually agreed.
So here he was, shirtless, rampaging through his trunk to try to find something decent to wear. The boys all knew how nervous Ron was, and as friends do, only proceeded to tease him more.
“What about this one?” Ron asks, holding up a nice pale blue coloured shirt and facing his friends, “does this look good?”
“Didn't anyone ever tell you, Ronald, not to wear blue,” Dean laughs, “it only accentuates your worst feature,” Harry and Seamus joining in to taunt the anxious boy, “being ginger,” they laugh in harmony. 
Ron knows it’s all in good fun, he doesn’t take it to heart, he himself would’ve laughed and thrown back some half-hearted insults of his own had he been able to think over the sound of his heartbreak in his ears.
Neville gets up from his bed, laughing with the boys, “come on don’t be mean, it’s not his fault he’s cursed like this.” The boys only laugh louder now, Ron even giving in and joining with the laughter flooding the room. “Go with the Yellow one Ron and take a deep breath.” Neville places his hands on Ron’s shoulders, taking some deep breaths that Ron follows along with, feeling his heart rate decrease as he controls his breathing.
“Thanks, mate,” Ron slips the shirt on, doing up the buttons and sitting down to lace up his shoes, “at least someone is nice.”
Dean and Seamus both make faces at Ron, Harry chiming in, “you better hurry up mate, you’ll be late otherwise.”
“Fuck,” Ron mutters, dashing out of the dorm and listening to the final positive reassurance his friends throw his way as he wipes his hands on his trousers. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he moved through the hallways of the school to meet you in the courtyard, he couldn’t possibly fathom why he was so nervous. It was only Y/N! They’ve been friends for years now, he’s talked to them loads before. What difference is one night?
But when he saw you, sitting against the fountain in the courtyard, rugged up in a big jacket and scarf, nose red from the cold and hair catching the snow, he knew he was fucked.
——
It was not starting off well, to say the least. He had planned a wonderful evening, down to the very last step, and already it was falling apart as you stood in front of the big red closed sign, hovering in the window of Honey Dukes.
He was snapped from his annoyance when he heard you giggle beside him, “come on,” you grabbed his hand, dragging him away from the door of the shops and down the main street further, “you’re not gonna be able to open it by glaring at it.”
He couldn’t help but laugh along too as you dragged him through the doors of Madam Puddifoot’s tea shop, the tuneful chime of the bell alerting the fairly busy shop of their presence, and before they knew if they were being motioned over towards an empty table.
“This place is so tacky,” Ron laughed, looking over his menu at Y/N when he heard them laugh too, “it’s like someone blended up a grandma and turned that into a shop.”
“What a lovely visual image there Ronald,” Y/N laughed, peering over their menu to raise an eyebrow and smirk at the boy, who could feel his face heating up with embarrassment, mumbling a small sorry as he let the table fall to silence.
The two teens ordered their things, Ron still feeling his face burning hot from the embarrassment of Y/N calling him out on his joke. Y/N didn't mean to embarrass him, they had only been teasing the boy. It was the type of thing they joke about all the time, but had they known just how desperate Ron was to impress them, they would’ve dialled the teasing back a bit.
“You should’ve seen Filch though,” Ron says, hands flailing as he emphases his story, mouth full of food, “it was priceless.”
He watches as his date opposite him puts their hand up to cover their mouth, chewing before moving it away and beginning to talk with an empty mouth, “it sounds hilarious.” He is only now considering how gross it must look, to be sitting across from him having to watch him talk with his mouthful and slurp his drink. Did he smell? Did his hair look stupid? Breath bad? Something in his teeth? The thoughts ran through Ron’s head in what felt like a split second and he felt his hands begin to get clammy again.
“But, uh, oh yeah, we got back to the common room, and uh, you should’ve heard the twins when we told them...” he trails off the end of his sentence, his mind remembering that night as he recounts the events and suddenly remembering that Y/N was in fact there. How could he forget, he even told Harry later how cute they looked in their Pyjamas. “Oh, I’m sorry Y/N, I uh, I just remembered that you were there.”
Y/N giggles across from him, “I was wondering when you were going to notice.” Ron’s face once again goes red with embarrassment, eyes falling to the table as he tries to avoid looking at Y/N and messing up more. “Hey,” they say, reaching a hand out gently across the table to take Ron’s in their hold, “it’s ok, I like listening to you tell stories anyway.”
Ron sends them a lopsided smile at the compliment, always feeling the effect of their compliments especially as his heart begins to pound. Y/N pulls their hand away from Ron’s, the awkward width of the table making it difficult to comfortably continue to hold hands much to the teens' annoyance. Ron does the same, and in the blink of an eye his hand is brushing against a cup of tea at an awkward angle, and the room temperature liquid is sent pouring out, all over the table, the floor, himself, but most important Y/N.
“Oh god I am so sorry,” Ron exclaims, scrambling to get up and help his date, nocking more things around on the table in the process. He grabs some napkins and starts trying to pat Y/N dry, only stopping when he realises he’s nearly groping them.
He passes the napkins to them and stands there, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone, especially Y/N. He’s prepared for them to walk away, to never want to talk to them again, or at least abandon the idea of dating him at all. What he’s not expecting is for Y/N melodic laugh to break the silence. He looks at them with wide eyes, finding them leaning back in their chair, still slightly damp, eyes closed and trying to stifle laughs.
They go to say something to Ron, but can’t manage to get more than a few sounds out before they succumb to the laughter again. Ron can’t help but chuckle too, falling into a series of howling laughs with Y/N, the pair still laughing and gasping for breath as they exit the shop to escape the glares of its patrons.
They eventually catch their breaths, the howling laughter now only a series of chuckles as they find a small clearing with some tables and chairs to sit at.
“I’m sorry today didn’t go as good as I would’ve liked.”
“Are you kidding Ron?” Y/N says from beside him, turning to face his downward look and placing a hand gently on his, “I had a wonderful time.”
“I practically ruined the whole night.”
“You could never ruin it, Ron,” their thumb rubs along his hand, and he turns to look up at his date, looking gorgeous against the snow and the moonlight, “it’s very sweet that you care so much.”
Ron wants to reply but doesn’t know how to. They just sit there, in silence, looking at each other. Y/N is the first to make a move, as their eyes flick down from Ron’s to his lips. Ron takes this as a good sign and slowly starts to lean in until their lips connect.
He knows it’s a cliché but in the back of his mind, Ron can’t help but think of the fireworks that are exploding in his stomach as he presses his lips against Y/N.
When the pair pull apart they don’t love far, staying within centimetres or each other’s faces. “Let me make it up to you at least? Next weekend?”
Y/N leans in again and pecks his lips, the two teens smiling like idiots as Y/N nods at the silly boy.
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monomonomagines · 3 years
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Could I get the classic waking up in your partners body headcanons for the ships of sondam, twobuki, hoshimatsu and fuyupeko?
Of course you can, Anon! This is a super fun request with super fun ships (especially that Hoshimatsu I missed writing) so I hope that you’ll enjoy these! 
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Sondam
Sonia would be ecstatic to be able to experience something like switching bodies with another person. It’s absolutely magical, like something out of a book or like some odd ritual.
Of course, that’d probably just make it all the worse for Gundham though who is extremely uncomfortable being in Sonia’s body while she has no issue whatsoever.
Gundham would also probably worry about Sonia ruining his dark lord act as she wouldn’t change her speech pattern nearly enough. For certain you’d have Gundham doing a noble bow to you and speaking about how he took his hamsters for the “loveliest of walks today” with some random magical sounding words thrown in.
And he’s no better. Gundham wouldn’t know how to act as Sonia at all nor would he know what to do if anyone treated him like he was her. This especially going for someone like Kazuichi.
If Kazuichi even spoke to him that day he probably would just aggravate things by speaking in his usual chuunibyou manner, making the poor guy think that Gundham had somehow infected her with his ways to make her sound like this and causing him to pick a fight with the wrong person, (not that Sonia would have any problems handling Kaz).
If anything, the others would most likely just see Sonia constantly close to Gundham as usual though their demeanors seem to have changed completely.
And to make things even stranger the Devas may sense these changes and go to Sonia more than Gundham that day making them look extra suspicious to most of the others and making Gundham breathe a sigh of relief by the time they finally turn back even if Sonia would talk of how she wanted things to last a little longer.
Twobuki
If you thought Sonia was pretty calm about swapping bodies with someone then just wait for Ibuki when she swaps with the Ultimate Imposter.
She doesn’t even bat an eye simply going on and on excitedly about how she can test if they’re a great singer or teach them guitar even if she doesn’t quite get that it wouldn’t work exactly the way she’s thinking.
The Imposter on the other hand will be a mess even if they don’t show it. They wouldn’t have any problem posing as Ibuki, sure. They could do that even if they weren’t in her body. The problem was more so that they know that Ibuki wouldn’t be able to act like them or the real Togami in the slightest.
Therefore, they could only think to try to keep her in their sight at all times. Hovering near her and excusing them when she decides to start screaming her head off in their body.
Of course, it isn’t the most effective as most of their friends will be wondering what the heck they meant when they screamed about the “acoustics in here” but with how much weird shenanigans is always going on with their class it’s sure to be forgotten about unless it repeatedly happens and even then with people like Akane it might not be noticed at all by some of them.
Regardless though once Ibuki is over the initial excitement she may want to ask them about what it feels in her body. Going on soon after about how she feels whether they give much of a response themself.
“Yahooooo! I’m so soft and warm now! Does it feel like that to be Ibuki too!?”
Like Gundam they’re relieved to be back in their own body, though Ibuki may even insist on trying to switch bodies again somehow, maybe even asking Hajime or the others for advice for forcing such a scenario to occur and absolutely confusing her classmates more than ever.
Hoshimatsu
While Ryoma may be pretty calm during most crises it’d be hard for him not to at least feel a bit anxious about his current predicament. Not only would switching bodies for him be hard to get used to on its own but getting used to being a different gender and having an entirely different height range would throw him off completely.
He’d be like a cat forced into a new environment and with how many friends Kaede has it’d be hard for him to actually know what to do, especially when they approach him.
It’d be pretty obvious something is up to them too when Kaito or Shuichi ask Kaede how she’s doing and she just gives them one of those blank Hoshi stares because he forgot he’s Kaede now. Seriously, he’s so embarrassed at how uncool that is and he’s so unlike it that everyone else may wonder what made her in such a bad mood with how quiet she ends up being that whole day.
Kaede however, may be struggling the opposite way. Responding when people talk to “her” and entirely forgetting that she’s in a different body that can’t reach half of what she can.
Literally, everyone may just see Ryoma trying to open doors too high for him, struggling to reach his fingers to some piano keys since apparently he plays now, nearly walking into the ladies room, and even trying to grab things off of high shelves before muttering that “he” forgot he’s so small.
This is just something that neither of these two were prepared for and while they’d both agree to do their best to pose as the other, it’s probably still obvious something is up with the two of them before they turn back.
However, once they do they certainly are relieved. Especially Kaede as going through the whole day being so small probably drove her mad when she wasn’t used to anything like it since she was a kid.
Fuyupeko
Fuyuhiko and Peko were close since they were kids but they never were prepared to be closer than they’d ever imagined. Now not only were they in a relationship but were also in the other’s body causing Peko and Fuyuhiko both to be quite agitated.
Peko being as diligent as ever, may offer to try to emulate Fuyuhiko to her best abilities, promising not to reveal that she was in his body or that anything was the matter. However, for Fuyuhiko this wasn’t the problem.
He didn’t know how to act like Peko at all nor did he know how to act like her in relation to him. All he did know was that it was nice to gain a few inches even if it was short-lasting and that he’d be struggling for most of this day, something he certainly wasn’t looking forward to.
Regardless, he did agree to Peko’s proposed agreement trying to hold his anger in. However, he was just too hot heeded. Peko was doing a fine job and it wasn’t that anything anyone did to his body had bothered him. It was what a certain idiot did to Peko’s.
As soon as Fuyuhiko overheard a specific perverted remark from Kazuichi he whipped around quickly, throwing the poor guy into the sea in a fit of anger. It was a dead giveaway with all the cursing and yelling he was certain but instead of saying anything everyone just seemed to be more scared of the two of them than ever, at least for now.
Letting out a frustrated sigh, Fuyuhiko was prepared for Peko to make some comment on how he needs to stay calm but instead, she was giggling. The sound pleasant to his ears even if it wasn’t her voice.
It was embarrassing already but with that smile she had on his face, he couldn’t help but give one back. His red cheeks matching her eyes. “Let’s just go back to my room, ok!? I don’t want to put up with that dumbass until we’re back to normal!”
Nodding, Peko agrees easily, holding up with Fuyuhiko until they’re back to normal. Making the two of them equally relieved though, Fuyuhiko will miss the height difference.
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jamestrmtx · 3 years
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Fairytale Complex - [Undertale | Sans x Reader]
[Gender Neutral, Frisk's Parent Reader | Slow Burn]
Chapter Thirteen | Waterfall (Part 4 of 4)
[First] | [Previous] | [Next]
As the storm worsens, so does he. He's shaking from head to toe, yet when you ask him about it, he says it's fine. An hour's passed since you booked the room, and all the banter and light-hearted nature from before has faded since then. Thunder continues to strike without a break, sending electrical appliances nearby into an on and off frenzy. You look towards the skeleton sitting farther away from you and notice how his grip on a pillow strengthens, his fear being let out through it. 
The view makes you think back on last time and how you'd dealt with the situation, leaving you to consider it again.
You sit next to him in bed and stretch your arms out when he looks at you. It's as if he's stumbled upon an alien, gaze facing yours with both caution and confusion alike. "C'mere, Serif," you offer, patting at your lap. "Take it as a thank you for everything you've done so far." You scoot closer to him and stop when you see him tense up and a bead of sweat make its way down his forehead. "I mean it."
Sans doesn't have a choice with how violent the next thunder is. He's practically sent into your lap as the lights go out, and his grip on you turns almost painful, the hardness of his touch sinking into your skin. The monster's face ends up pressed close to your chest while his hands move back down to your waist; his shaking grows prominent, even with how strong he holds onto you. Minutes pass before the lights turn back on, allegedly due to a power plant with how much weaker they glow. A murmur leaves his teeth, though none of the words can be deciphered with how wild the weather outside is. "What did you say?" you ask, bringing him closer. "I couldn't hear you." You shift your positions so that you can lay your head against the headboard and cuddle up to him more. 
His chest heaves subtly as another one strikes. "Why're you doin' this for me?" He breathes out, loosening his grip on you. "I, uh… thought you didn't feel comfortable around me."
"Are you sure you're okay to talk about that right now?" you ask, bringing an arm around his waist. "You're shaking, Sans. And I already know why, so it's... It's really no big deal." You stop to look at him through the dresser's mirror set right across from the bed, yet his face is still kept hidden from your view. "We can leave that for later, if you want."
You expect disagreement, only to receive it partially.
Sans moves away from your hold and sits up straight in bed while you stay laying down. Then, he tries to spare a glance at you, though your current positions make it awkward for you to face him back without feeling strange about it. He seems to notice that himself, having to look elsewhere to lessen that feeling as you both adjust yourselves to a better, more comfortable position. "So, uh… Thanks, (Y/N)," he says, facing away. "But you don't need to do that. If you feel like all this stuff is your responsibility, then I don't think it's okay for me to approach you like this." He flinches when another thunder strikes, yet he recovers quicker than before. "You don't have to force yourself into makin' this a date, 'cause I'm not asking that of you."
You sit up and move right behind him, holding his shoulders. "And I'm not trying to make this a date, Sans," you reply. "I'm just trying to help you with what's happening right now." You hold his waist, tensing when you feel him shudder under your touch. "Though I won't deny that I, well…" Your throat turns dry and your face grows hot, hands doing the opposite. "That it's been too long since I've felt this way." Your eyes close with the next thunder, how loud it is making even you seek some comfort from the embrace. "It feels nice to be liked, and to… to actually live life a little more. Today, I… felt so alive. Even with those guys calling me names, I had fun."
With the latest strike appearing to have been the last, Sans again shimmies out of your hold and turns to you. He meets with your gaze and a hand places itself over yours. Then, he shifts closer to you, his hand tugging for you to go lower while he goes higher.
He closes his eye sockets as his teeth brush with your cheek. Lack of experience over such a simple action reveals itself in an instant by how awkward his hand placement is on your shoulder and waist as he tries to match better with your height, and how fast his soul beats the longer he stays that way. The moment ends far too quickly, yet it's sufficient for you to be fulfilled, just as much as he appears to be when you pull back, open your eyes, and see him grinning. A brighter light's present in his irises, and -- judging by how he looks at you -- you can already tell you've given him more than enough of a reason to tease you over this in the future. "So... I take it the first date was a success?"
You return his expression with a smile and let his hand go while you fix your posture. "I thought you said you didn't want to make this a date?"
He winks and takes a hand to your cheek, fingers brushing close to your lips, but not quite. There's an unfamiliar emotion beyond that of lust or want in his gaze, and it makes more sense when you think back on what he said at the hospital regarding how he felt about physical touch, aside from all the basics established by societal norms. Rather than lust, curiosity shines in his irises, likely by how different you both are and how it would feel for the both of you to kiss on the mouth. "Only if you want it to be." A brief pause follows and a subtle, amused flare leaves his nose cavity. "How about it?"
Smile growing, you take his wrist and reply with, "I'd like that." Then, a frown returns, concern showing through the furrow in your brow. "But… What about after? I… I really don't think I'm ready to date anyone seriously yet."
The monster pulls his hand back and faces your eyes again. "That's alright," he says, chuckling. "We'll just keep doin' things like normal, pretendin' today didn't happen." Sans shifts on his seat as a sterner look crosses his gaze. "We'll give each other some time. And if ya don't return my feelings by then, I'll stop -- And we can keep the memories we've made 'til now."
"Now that..." Tugging him in for a quick hug, you then laugh, kiss his cheekbone, and pull back with a smile still intact on your face. "That sounds way too good to be true. But I like it."
• • •
It's close to midnight by the time you're done eating, showering, and settling stuff out with Undyne. You take your phone and re-read your latest conversation with her. Embarrassment overcomes your thoughts with the reminder of how both she and her girlfriend had caught you and Sans last time on the couch.
Told you it was a date!
Papyrus actually looked after Frisk most of the time today, so I can look after them 'til tomorrow morning. 
But is it really okay with you?
'Course it is!
Didn't I tell you to take as long as you need?
Take your time. ;-)
Thank you.
But could you please keep the whole date thing a secret?
I don't want Frisk to know I'm thinking about dating anyone else again.
Sure.
Dunno why you insist so much on that, but I get it.
A new message pops up. While reading, you open the door of your room and exit, ready to go off and explore more of the hotel. Though it's late, you don't want to miss out on the opportunity of extending the date for a little longer, even more now that the skeleton invited you over to the pool area. You can hear water running even as you close the door and begin walking off, reminding you he's still showering. 
Jerry came over asking where you were, btw.
The latest message Undyne sends you prompts you to keep going, now too anxious to wait and stay in one place. You rush off, not wanting to dwell too much on it. It's a short walk to get there, only having to pass by a hallway, then the lobby, and take a turn to the right. A different world's introduced to you as soon as you step in, welcomed by a large swimming pool from afar and at the center of it all, along with two smaller hot tubs closer by. There are folding chairs and their respective tables on the left, along with a busy and bustling bar at the right, ‘Happy Hour’ flashing above the entrance. All the attractions are occupied with people, each doing their own thing.
Really?
What did you tell him?
Your chest tightens as you wait for an answer. An icy wind blows by, making you shudder with the current outfit you're wearing: a one-piece swimsuit bought hastily at the small souvenir shop the hotel offered for everyone around. You stay in place, still waiting for her reply.
Told him you were running errands, but he still told me to give you this when you returned.
Her next message is a picture of a gift basket with all sorts of favourites, from sweets to flowers, and even a new work uniform, each individual piece of the correct size. A letter's tucked in-between all the items and a bright red ribbon tops it all off.
He also gave Frisk something and then tried convincing them into going with him to the beach. 
Your stomach twists and a sour note reaches your taste buds. Jerry's first attempt at getting back together had clearly been without him knowing Sans was hitting on you, so you're not sure whether he's making stronger efforts now that he's aware of it. Your legs grow weak the more you force yourself to keep on standing, now too anxious to move.
What did Frisk say?
They said they'd only go if you came with them, so now I think Jerry might make arrangements for the two of you to come.
"Your phone's gonna get damaged here."
At the sound of someone behind you, you jolt and your phone slips off your hands. Fortunately, it's stopped by a blue force, and so's your waist when you slip and almost trip on your feet. You're let go and turned around to see Sans changed into an outfit composed of beach shorts and a tank top. They're a little baggy on the sides, revealing the fact he's also bought them at the souvenir shop. "You okay?" he asks, furrowing his gaze.
You grab your phone back and put it away, nodding before replying with, "...I think so."
Side-by-side, you walk with him to a pair of folding chairs. There, you sit, take off your towel, and set it aside. "Jerry's still, well... trying to get back with me, I guess." A smile forms when you see the monster's gaze look away, avoiding to meet with your swimsuit more than with your eyes or anywhere else. "You can look, y'know. Or are you getting shy?"
Sans takes the towel off his shoulders and sets it next to yours. Then, he shakes his head once, still avoiding you. "Just bein' cautious." Finally, he faces you, a grin showing on his skull. "Still haven't forgotten how stern you can be, so I've gotten used to bein' careful around you."
"Really?" you taunt, snickering. You stand up and begin your walk with him to the pool. "I was thinking the opposite with how shameless your flirting's been since day one of us being more than strangers."
"There's a difference, pal." He sits on the edge, irises drifting off to the hot tubs, where a buff bunnyman and an even buffer fishman sit at. They're both hugging each other, the former resting his head on the other's chest, eyes closed shut and body relaxed. "My intention's not to insult you or make you angry."
Your smile grows; the upbeat energy of your surroundings gives you courage to challenge him again. "What are your intentions then, Sans? I'm curious."
You slip a foot into the water and a shiver follows. While you stand by for it to warm, you pay attention to the monster, expectant of an answer. Oddly enough, he doesn't confront your question and chooses to sink himself completely into the pool -- no wait needed. His irises avoid your eyes, until a few swimmers nearby move further away from your spot. "I guess I've never really done somethin' like this before. And then my brother suggested I made some new friends, so when I saw you, I kinda just went for it."
"So flirting's your way of making friends?"
Again, you're welcomed with a reaction far different from your expectations. He looks down at the water and rubs the back of his neck, a laugh -- nervous and quiet -- leaving his teeth. "...The way you confronted me back when we were at Waterfall," he begins, facing you, "it kinda took me off guard, so I went with the first thing I had in mind to try and ease out the mood." 
A human toddler dives into the water, the splash that accompanies him almost reaching you despite his tiny self. That's enough to distract you and smile, though you look back to witness the skeleton's done the same thing. It's without a doubt he's trying not to confess his thoughts right now, so you give him space to back off if he wants to. "I…" He looks back to you, continuing with, "I was surprised to see you come up to me like that, pointing out faults I was aware we had, all without hesitation -- both back then and on the day we first met. So I guess you could call that me fallin' for you at first sight. You called me out on my mistakes after Jerry told you the truth about me, and you accepted yours without me even havin' the chance to say anything about it. You came over apologizin' for lettin' Frisk slip from your care, but then you also didn't exactly tolerate our own choices when you found out the, well... morally ambiguous implications behind my kinds' freedom."
You dip the rest of your body in the water and sit beside him. "So you fell for me at first sight?" you joke, nudging him. "I find that real hard to believe."
He chuckles and leans in closer. "Guess it was kinda more of an admiration I had for ya, at the beginning."
You do the same, sparing a glance at others nearby to make sure they aren't looking. "...I also recall you saying my stubbornness was hot?"
He nods, giving into another cheek kiss from your part this time -- one far more fleeting than the one shared at your bedroom. "Very."
The two of you back away as quickly as that moment lasts, avoiding PDA at all costs -- not only for the younger ones around, but for the current state of your relationship, and what that implies. You'd already crossed plenty of the lines and limits you'd set for yourself in terms of dating. Even the simple act of having accepted his invitation is enough to surpass them all. "I'm… I'm sorry I can't make this a serious thing," you say, looking aside. "Maybe you said it was okay to have only one date, but I... I guess it doesn't exactly feel right for me to lead you on like this."
The monster pulls you against him, giving you a hug from behind. "See what I mean, pal?" He's the one teasing you now, hands tickling your waist with how careful his movements are. "You're doin' it again."
To defend yourself, you take Sans's hands, push him away, and bring him down into the water, concluding the feat with a laugh. 
Proud, you turn around -- expecting to see him drenched and unamused -- yet what you receive is prompt payback for your actions. His magic grabs your wrist, pulling you in with him. You close your eyes tight in defense, and the sensation of slow sinking is soon interrupted by you bumping right into him. 
He helps you stay afloat, though you're unable to see him, water drops clouding your vision.
"Karma," he reminds you, chuckling as you both make it safe out of the pool.
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plush-rabbit · 3 years
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What headcanons you have in request box actually? I'm really curious lol. Have nice day btw, I love your work!!!!!
Okay, so usually I put some in a doc and then like figure it out from there so if you've sent one in and haven't seen it, don't worry, it'll be done and added once I make a dent lmao. These are also a mix of hc and fics. Some I'm like part way through so ye
There also might be some that I might not do because its vague, like I'm given just the prompt and I don't know what to do with it or there's just no ideas that come to mind so I really am sorry.
Upcoming ones:
Met with Dia and he said “how else will you please me?” And I think it awoke something in me?? Can I request Diavolo with a bashful innocent MC and him just laying back and letting her have his way with him? But of course he’s a total dom so he’s gonna take control but just has a little fun letting her take the reins to start with? Hi. I just found your stuff and you write so well for Obey Me. Could I request a fic with Barbatos and a female MC? Maybe she's staying at the palace for whatever reason and when he goes to his room he hears her moaning his name so he checks on her but she's sleeping. The next day he hints that she must've had a good dream much to her dismay. That night he goes to her room and she's awake and they end up sleeping together. With some praise and maybe even some tail action. Thank you! Can I please get a uuuhhh possessive/borderline yandere Leon please :3c maybe it’s after a big match for her and everyone’s fawning over her and he steals her away and reminds her that she’s his? 💕✨ I saw those headcanons where Jin and Shigaraki became parental or sibling figures to the reader sooooooo how about headcanons of a fem!reader being a mother figure to the league? Just an ordinary citizen in her late twenties until she met the LOV unexpectedly, during the time where the league had to hide and the reader's place is conveniently open (then again I'm sure they'd bust in if it wasn't) and she didn't rat them out. This happened quite a lot of times to the point where the reader is used to it by now and just lets them in, even if they weren't hiding from anyone and just wants to stay for the night. When she got closer to the league, she starts to show care and love for them in a way a mother would the reader isn't a member of the league, but they already consider her as family :'D I just really want them to get care and love since they've been through so much Last week I literally sat down and read your writing for like an hour and a half LOL It’s just really good and I love your characterization! I was wondering if I could request Twice and Shigaraki with an s/o who tries to be cute and surprise them by wearing their clothes when they return from a mission but maybe the clothes are a bit too snug cuz they’re a little pudgy :( could also be nsfw if you’re ok with that!! Thank you so much 💜💜 I like the Lucky!Cat!reader hc. Could you do some for the LOV, with a Male Cat s/o? Thank you! You're the best!! I've been obsessing about flowers and their meanings or what they symbolize soooooo. How would the LOV react to their s/o giving them a certain flower and then finding out what the flower means/symbolizes? Hope this passes! It's a request for OM. Can I have headcanons of the brothers + Diavolo (if you don't mind) of their s/o dancing "Paradise Lost" by GAIN? Provided you a link to the video for reference 😁: https://youtu.be/4i32ANEa5mk Headcanons where the LOV has an s/o whose like a literal ball of sunshine. Always happy and bubbly, smiling and laughing, they just seem to epitome of joy. Until one day, they just break down, being so emotionally drained from different factors that they can keep up the act of being happy anymore Last week I literally sat down and read your writing for like an hour and a half LOL It’s just really good and I love your characterization! I was wondering if I could request Twice and Shigaraki with an s/o who tries to be cute and surprise them by wearing their clothes when they return from a mission but maybe the clothes are a bit too snug cuz they’re a little pudgy :( could also be nsfw if you’re ok with that!! Thank you so much 💜💜 hey!! hru? i have a question do you think shigaraki would like a threesome? what if his s/o didn’t want one bc she’s like possessive of him (in a non toxic way) hey plush, can you do a reader x Shiggy and Dabi whos crying to them/grabbing their shirts and burring themselves into shiggy and dabi/ about their verbally abusive ex, how theyre so different from them, so much nicer and softer, how they(the reader) never thought they could be loved or deserved kindness? its been one of those days, i just need some comfort. thank you♡ heyy!! ^^ can i request some headcanons for hawks reacting to his female s/o belly dancing for him? :3 Heyo this is beetle juice anon idk if u remember me I’m the person who said shiggy sounds like beetle juice, I swear I couldn’t get that thought out of my head so can I request shiggy and reader getting hit by a quirk that forces them to do a musically ( idk I just want shiggy to sing honestly lmaoooo) idk maybe both of them being shocked that both of them can sing hey, i absolutely adore your writing! i love going through all your work, they’re my comfort fics! 💞 i was wondering if you would mind writing something for tomura with an s/o who is insecure about her body and how skinny she is? she feels too flat, like she doesn’t have enough curves or that she’s grown into her body enough and it makes her feel less of a woman, that tomura could do better. and it makes her anxious when it comes to initimacy and being exposed to him because in her eyes he’s so perfectly handsome and she just feels inadequate... it’s something i’ve had to deal with pretty much my entire life, getting called names like stick insect and coat hanger, but lately it’s been eating away at me more and more. you can totally ignore this if you feel uncomfortable writing about this stuff, though! 💕 So, like. Hear me out. What if, with Bakugou and Dabi (separate) : MC is super innocent and cute, blushes at the slightest flirt, and “doesn’t get” dirty jokes, but as soon as they’re alone with their s/o? They are the kinkiest most vulgar bottom they’ve ever seen. Nipples pierced, collar under the turtleneck, chain strung between the piercings and the collar, all out kinda slut. The duality of man. (Gender neutral) Hello so may i request shigaraki with a s.o whos warm loving and protective and very innocent basically a s.o whos like mitsuri kanroji both personality and look wise Female pronouns,maybe they are out on a date getting ice cream and the s.o is so happy shiggy came, they hold hands and people start giving him odd looks only for her to stand up to the bullies who are saying things about shigaraki, it ends with her kissing him infront of everyone to prove a point,and when the get home she tells him she doesnt care what people think and makes love to him topping hin while telling him all the reasons she fell inlove with him,(omg im so sorrry its so long if you have tpo many requests or dont like the idea please tell me) hey, i absolutely adore your writing! i love going through all your work, they’re my comfort fics! 💞 i was wondering if you would mind writing something for tomura with an s/o who is insecure about her body and how skinny she is? she feels too flat, like she doesn’t have enough curves or that she’s grown into her body enough and it makes her feel less of a woman, that tomura could do better. and it makes her anxious when it comes to initimacy and being exposed to him because in her eyes he’s so perfectly handsome and she just feels inadequate... it’s something i’ve had to deal with pretty much my entire life, getting called names like stick insect and coat hanger, but lately it’s been eating away at me more and more. you can totally ignore this if you feel uncomfortable writing about this stuff, though! 💕 could we get a fem reader cock warming Dabi throughout the night and get morning sex >//< // ik youre a busy bee so dont feel obligated to rush or anything, take ur time plushie!♡ can we please get a shiggy x reader and the reader asks him to teach her how to game and she ends up being better than him and whatnot (inspired by that “a simple wager”) fic (if you ever decide to make a sequel to that i will ve DECEASED Can I request a sub shigaraki with a mommy kink getting pegged by the reader ( I just want to make him beg and cry honestly) reader is a female Omh give us noncon/somno w scary eraserhead plsss / aizawa and aphrodisiac smut pwease ( ;∀;) Overhaul and Chrono punishing quirkless reader for being an undercover reporter/agent but like orgasm denial... (Idk if you write this stuff but anyways do it if you want have a nice night) Can I request something like “Peaches and Cream” but with Piers instead? I know you’re busy with other requests, so don’t worry if you don’t have time for this one! I love love your writing!!! Hello beautiful can I just say how amazing ur writing is loll, can I request shigaraki having a crush on the reader and she knows about it, like one day shiggy just goes to her room when there on a mission and just steals her stuff and humps her pillows, but she has cameras in her room so she saw everything, long story short she shows him the videos and humiliates him (shiggy of course a mess and is close to crying from how embarrassing that is, lowkey turned on ) the reader takes care of him ( sorry I’m really bad at endings 🙏🏻😅) the reader pegs him until he’s a crying mess. By the way the reader is a female and shigaraki is a sub has a mommy kink and the reader is dom of that’s ok of course I love your writing!! May I ask for Diavolo x F!Reader with borderline disorder? 👉👈.. Lately it has been very difficult for me to deal with this alone and Diavolo is mine comfort character.. (NSFW Talk, If your a minor..then why are you even reading this?? Get off this 18+ page?? Anyways-). I am a huge sucker for overstimulation, biting and crying, (many of my past partners have called me a sadist-) and I just 𝑎𝑑𝑜𝑟𝑒 the idea of Tamaki’s cute face streaming with tears and drool as Male Reader vigorously overstims the fuck out of him. And he would look so 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑙𝑦 with his mouth gaping open in a silent scream of overwhelming pleasure because M!Reader gave his sensitive dick a handjob while he roughly railed Tamaki’s pretty little ass. (While abusing the fuck out of his G Spot, of course). I can just imagine him squirming and begging for mercy while M!Reader lovingly wrecks his body, taking him hard & fast in multiple different positions with each one making Tamaki wail with pleasure. He’s just so adorable, I just wanna see him get 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑚𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑢𝑝~ Lusty ❤︎ -Anon. Bonus Points if you could have M!Reader be super fuckin tall, muscular, strong and also be absolutely PACKING. (This man has a godly dick, and it’s honestly a surprise Tamaki can take it so well without literally breaking in half) ahhhh hewwo could you maybe write something with dbd ghostface going full apotheosis for his crush? as in,, he starts to elevate her to a status of divinity and even when she's just cowering in fear in front of him or conversely stabbing him and causing him lots of pain he just keeps viewing her as some sort of deity and  can't stop obsessing over her and wanting more from her
Again. I deeply apologize for not doing some. I wish I could, but (and this is not to guilt trip any of yall or anything, I understand that it'll sound like that it but it ain't it) sometimes the work I put into something and the feedback I get is sometimes not it. Like I'll work hard and get nothing and listen, I get it, its fanfic, there's a bit more stigma to it rather than art but yeah. Its a ramble, and basically, I don't wanna put work into something that I'll only get a few likes on. So yeah. Agains this isn't guilt tripping, I get it. I'm a consumer of it and I get the gist of it but yeah. More thoughts later, when I can properly sit and write as I am currently in a home depot 
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tigerdrop · 3 years
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hey i just wanna say the long posts genuinely make my day. also can you talk more about gordon freeman character because the way you write him makes me quake in my gay little boots
i would love to talk about gordon freeman. thank u for the opportunity
the first thing i need to communicate about gordon is that this dude sucks. and i say this in the fondest way possible. he is a bitch from the moment he drops into the world until the moment he goes out. if you dont believe me, give it another watch! gordons mouthy and rude for no real reason, at least so far as “being a regular dude on his way into work” goes, and this dude goes around calling his coworkers names with zero provocation. (of course, we all know that the reason is because its a funny guy improv stream that borrows a bit from freemans mind, but im talkin from a character sense.)
but my argument isnt just that gordon freeman sucks. its that he sucks in a very specific way that i find insanely endearing. i love this dude. i love to hate him. hes awful in a very mundane sense - weve all known a guy like this, at least if youve spent too much time online - and its cathartic to watch him suffer because of it.
gordons a smart guy. as written, hes gotta be - hes a recent MIT grad, on his way to work at a top-secret research facility to do weird shit with crystals and theoretical physics. but the thing about smart guys is that theyre often......selectively intelligent. we can see this in the way that he has a hard time navigating his surroundings, and needs the science crew to guide him through it and keep him alive.
this is one of those things that is a natural consequence of somebody going through the game for the first time, but that i am interpreting as “gordon is kind of stupid sometimes”. its uncharitable but its not like he doesnt deserve it. he likes to boss around the crew as if he knows what hes doing, when he often very much does not, and is fond of demeaning their intelligence. hes real bad about this with tommy in particular, treating him like hes a kid whos playing at being a scientist when tommy is actually a decade older than him. all i am saying is that gordon ought to stay humble. hes awful cocky when he perceives himself as better than others.
which, i think, tracks with how cocky he gets when he gives up on the whole “well-meaning citizen” thing and just unloads bullets into people. he puts up a front of being a Nice Guy, you know, just some dude caught in a bad situation who doesnt like seeing his companions obliterate every NPC they come across, but that doesnt stop him from cackling like a fucking madman and mowing down aliens (and soldiers) every once in awhile. when he stops seeing himself as helpless and starts seeing himself as the one in control, the gloves come off. he gets mean. and i think thats very sexy of him
this, among other things, is why i am insistent that gordon freeman is a control freak. he desperately wants to be in control of the situation at all times, shepherding around the science crew primarily by bitching at them, but its of limited success. its futile. sisyphean. tommy, coomer, bubby, and benrey exist almost to torment him with exactly the thing that would make him suffer the most: a gaggle of people running around causing problems for him, but he cant go anywhere without them b/c hes reliant on them to make it out alive.
its perpetual suffering, and its cathartic to watch. and funny, too. and if youre a little weirdo like me, its very, very enjoyable. how twisted up he gets when nobodys listening to him! how sweaty and frazzled he must look. its cute, and it also makes me want to reach through the screen and shake him and tell him to just be a little nicer. he wants control but he doesnt know how to attain it, he doesnt know how to play nice like a real leader. i think its a neat contrast to gordon freeman as we know him in HL2, where he literally is the leader of the resistance and has to live up to it. this is gordon freeman but if he was moe through helplessness.
“helpless” is, i think, a great way to describe him. a core bit of imagery in half life is this sense of railroadedness and helplessness, with gordon freeman being put into play like a chess piece and having no choice but to move forward. and this iteration of gordon leans into that by being totally dependent on the science crew in order to make progress and Not Die. and hes also subject to the whims of benrey, local eldritch weirdo who has basically made it his life mission to fuck with gordon.
gordons anxieties dont help with that. if he wasnt so fun to stress out and fuck with, the science crew probably wouldnt do it so much! too bad for him that they like fucking with him so much that he was driven into a panic attack (multiple times, even, depending on your interpretation). hes got that real neurotic mindset. always worrying about shit that could go wrong, and attempting to exert control over his surroundings in an effort to control the anxiety.
IMO the real way to nail the Neurotic Gordon Freeman Experience is to combine the ever-present anxiety with his pervasive sense of self-loathing. he openly states that he has no friends and nobody seems to like him, and to that, i really gotta say, i wonder why. he doesnt really seem to factor in that hes kind of a bitch, and has way too high an estimation of his own intelligence relative to everybody elses. its really one of the worst ways to be: aware that people dont like you, but unaware of exactly why. if he was like, 10% nicer, he probably wouldnt have had half as many issues getting through black mesa, but also, its funny to see him squawking his way through the game. so, you know.
its stuff like that that makes me headcanon him as a dude with low self-esteem in general. convinced that hes not likable, not attractive, out of his element......impostor syndrome, except that theres some truth to it. this is a guy who truly does not realize how good he has it: he really is just an average shitty dude, and yet, somehow, benrey took a shine to him. some poor motherfucker out there actually likes him and wants to suck his dick. thats dedication
also, i keep bringing up “repression” when i talk about gordon. and hopefully, what ive been talking about helps explain why. he has a strong desire to be a regular dude, not just murdering his way through black mesa, but if hes pushed hard enough he leans into it. gets bossy. picks up a cigar off a dead soldier and takes a long drag, before smacking forzen around with a pistol and ordering him around. gordon freeman is a regular, kind of anxious guy who likes competitive swimming and streaming on justin.tv and making anime references, and he is also a guy who takes a filthy pleasure in making a trained soldier his bitch. and i didnt make up any of this shit - this is purestrain canon, baby. this is a guy with problems
to me, this screams the kind of guy who represses a lot of shit b/c he doesnt feel like its morally decent. you run into this guy a lot online: the wokeboy, the online leftist, the guy who spends too much time on social media websites. (like reddit. i think he would actively use reddit and he would never get any appreciable amount of karma but he never stops posting. its sisyphean! cathartic.) from the way he talks about “bootboys”, i think it tracks. he knows about imperialism, he knows about feminism, but at the end of the day hes your average american white dude who struggles with internalizing it.
a lot of those dudes struggle with sex and gender issues. (dont we all.) when youre trying to be a Good Person(tm), you spend a lot of time thinking about your own relationship to sex and kink and all that shit. and i maintain that a too-online dude who buries a lot of his control freak tendencies would also try to bury a lot of weird sexual shit in an attempt to seem Normal and Well-Adjusted and not like a little freak. i justify this by the sheer number of times gordon blurts out weird sex shit as a joke. there are only two outcomes to making that many piss jokes: either youre secretly a piss guy, or you lathe-of-heaven yourself into becoming one. i will stand by this
ive talked a lot about why this dude sucks. now, let me talk to you about what makes gordon so much fun to write. first things first: hes funny! a subjective evaluation, yeah, but both in- and out-of-character, hes aiming to be funny. and being the straight man to everybody else plays into that whole “helplessness” thing.
secondly: underneath it all, there is a good dude under there. gordon worries when his companions get hurt, he tries to clean them off and patch them up, and hes got his lil leftist heart in the right place. you could even read a lot of his bossy, bitchy demeanor as him wanting to make sure everyone gets out okay and doesnt hurt themselves. when it comes to animals and anti-imperialist sentiment, gordons a pretty good guy.
hes the kind of guy who would probably see a dog on the street and get excited and play with it, but would get really prickly about the correct way to put dishes in the dishwasher. control freak tendencies.
finally, subjecting such a miserable, tormented guy to even more psychological anguish is really, really fun. you feel a little bad for him, but he kind of deserves it. so many problems he goes through are purely of his own making, and if gordon would just relax and quit trying to hard to maintain control - of himself, of the people around him - and own up to having Problems and Issues, he would be a happier guy. but thats why its fun to bend him until he breaks. being a little control freak myself, putting gordon freeman thru psychosexual torment is cathartic.
when it comes to writing his thought processes, the fact that he is canonically some kind of psychotic (yes, i am boldly claiming this. suck me) and i am also canonically some kind of psychotic makes it easier to write what i think his thought processes are. i just give him my brain issues of “getting lost in thought” and “overthinking fucking everything”. a touch of paranoia helps. even if i dont explicitly label him as schizophrenic please know that i am writing him as a paranoid little nutcase at all times because, uh, you write what you know.
paranoid. anxious. of the mindset that everyones out to get him (which isnt helpful when everyone is out to get him). repressed and deeply Not Normal but trying so very fucking hard to be normal and well-adjusted. a control freak with sadistic tendencies who also really, really likes getting bullied by his best frenemy. a hapless little nerd who sounds really cute when his voice starts to break from nerves. and, most importantly, a dumb jock. do not ever forget this.
thats gordon freeman, babey. hope that helps
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jihyuncompass · 4 years
Note
RFA+V&Saeran finding out MC has a child?
Man I’m soft for these types of ideas! I did some variety when it comes to the gender of the child but I had a lot of fun with this!
Zen
Zen fell for you pretty much right away when you came into the chatroom. 
You always encouraged him and helped his confidence both when it comes to his appearance and his acting. And with time he falls for you and falls hard.
You don’t tell him about your nearly three year old daughter for a while. Even after you realize that you’ve fallen for him, he’s an up and coming actor after all and  being in a relationship with him could already damage his career but dating someone with a kid?  
As Jaehee wasn’t afraid to tell you, people liked Zen partially because he was a handsome single guy that people could lust after. 
If he was in a relationship? And had a kid involved that could be big trouble. 
However once the two of you actually start dating you realize that you have to tell him.
You mention it during dinner, since it seemed like a good time. 
At first he’s a little hurt, that’s a huge part of your life that he didn’t know about! However once you explain why he didn’t tell him he understands, even if he feels a little bad about it.  
He insists that he loves you regardless, and that he would love to have a relationship with both you and your daughter. 
To say that you were relieved by his response would be an understatement, it was like the biggest weight off of your chest.
You introduce him to your daughter not too long after the party where Zen publicly reveals your relationship. Since your relationship is public now you didn’t want to wait. 
You decide to take your daughter to one of his shows (a family friendly one) and after the show you have her give him the flowers you brought for him. 
The two of them are pretty much instantly inseparable. Your daughter really looks up to him and Zen really works hard to be a good role model for her. 
Your daughter even tells you at one point that she wants to be an actress when she grows up. Hearing this of course makes Zen absolutely lose his mind and he’s already talking about theater summer camps and school plays. 
One day you come home and see your daughter and Zen singing Disney songs together and your heart pretty much explodes on sight. That’s one of the moments that you realize how happy you are with Zen and just how right your little family is. 
Yoosung
Yoosung is a young guy, he’s practically a kid himself. 
The two of you hit it off pretty quickly, and it didn’t take long for the two of you to decide that you wanted to be in a relationship. 
But you worried about how he would react to learning about your son. Yoosung still struggled with adulting on his own, so dating someone with a kid on top of that, it would be iffy. 
You knew that you loved Yoosung but you and your son were package deal.  
When it finally came up that you had a son he was definitely shocked. Not necessarily in a bad way, but he definitely has a brief crisis about it. 
However once he calms down and processes the inforamtion he really steps up. 
Turns out this was kind of the fire he needed to really start getting his own life together. He starts doing better in his classes, he cooks more, he even starts gaming a little less. He still plays LOLOL but it isn’t so much of an addiction as it was in the past. He even starts seeing a therapist to deal with the depression and grief he was still dealing with. 
Yoosung is actually the person who wants to wait to meet your son. But once he feels ready you’re more than excited to introduce them. 
After a little while and once Yoosung feels like he’s grown up enough he tells you that he wants to meet your son. 
Your son was a little shy around him at first, but once Yoosung pulls out his video games it didn’t take very long for them to start getting along. 
Your son honestly thinks that Yoosung is like the coolest adult in the world. Because he is for one very nice, two is nice to you, and three actually likes playing video games with him and isn’t terrible at them. 
Yoosung is always more than happy to watch your kid when you need someone and coming back and seeing them playing games together or napping on the couch? It’s everything to you.
I also just had this thought of Yoosung playing vet for a bunch of stuffed animals. Wrapping up plush legs in bandages and checking heartbeats? I’m sorry the thought is too cute to bear.  
Jaehee 
I don’t think Jaehee would be the type to actually make a big deal out of it? 
You’re both grown ups and there’s a lot of single parents in the world! Remember that her father died when she was pretty young leaving her with her mother until she passed away when Jaehee was a teen. So Jaehee is no stranger to only having one parent around. 
You actually tell her pretty early on, once the two of you agreed to start the cafe together you figured that she should know about your daughter. 
Like I said previously I think she would get over the initial shock quickly. 
The first time Jaehee met your daughter was sort of unplanned. You and Jaehee were going to meet up at her apartment to talk about the cafe and what the next steps you needed to take were. 
But then your babysitter fell through and it was either cancel or take her with you to Jaehee’s. And thankfully Jaehee doesn’t mind you bringing your daughter over. 
Your daughter is pretty shy around Jaehee at first. It isn’t that Jaehee is mean but she can definitely come off as a little intimidating without really intending too. 
It takes a while but when Jaehee asks your daughter to taste test the desserts for the cafe that is the moment when the ice broke between them. 
It becomes a rule that no treat is allowed to be sold in the cafe until it’s approved by your daughter, it may be yours and Jaehee’s cafe but your daughter is the one truly running the show. 
After a few years once she’s old enough your daughter starts helping out with this and that around the cafe. She’s very popular among the regular crowd. 
The three of you make a cute little family, it’s honestly very idyllic and cute. 
Jumin
Telling Jumin might be the most nerve wracking of all. 
Jumin has never been in a relationship before, doesn’t have a relationship with his mother and his relationship with his father is strained at best. 
In general as much as Jumin values family, he isn’t all that experienced with having a normal healthy family. 
You know you have to tell him, you don’t want to wait too long for him to find out. You don’t want him to think you were trying to hide your daughter from him. 
He’s surprised for sure, but isn’t upset. In fact he actually is excited by the idea. Jumin has always wanted to have a family of his own and while it might not be the way he originally planned he’s so happy. 
Despite how happy he is you both agree that it would be best to give your relationship some time to develop before jumping in too deep. 
Jumin of course respects this, this is your child after all and they need to come first always. So he gives it time and lets your relationship continue naturally. 
After a while both you and Jumin realize that you really want to get married and move in together you decide its time to introduce the two.
It’s kind of awkward at first, Jumin doesn’t have a lot of experience with kids and like Jaehee, Jumin comes off as VERY intimidating. So for a while your daughter is just hiding behind you and won’t look Jumin in the eye. 
That is until your daughter meets Elizabeth the Third and it’s love at first sight. 
Seeing how much your daughter loves Elizabeth gives Jumin an “in” with her. He carefully asks her if she likes cats and gives her some of Elizabeth’s favorite treats to give her. It’s a slow but steady process.
While your daughter is focused on petting Elizabeth it gives your daughter and Jumin a good chance to talk to each other. If the conversation get’s stilted or someone doesn’t know what to say? Just talk about the cat, boom conversation revitalized.  
Jumin absolutely adores her, and treats her like a princess. At a point you actually have to tell him to cool it before she’s absolutely spoiled rotten by all the gifts he gets for her.
One evening you come back to the penthouse after a long day after you and Jumin have officially gotten engaged and see your daughter and Jumin on the couch reading a book together with Elizabeth between them. Your little girl’s eyes barely open while Jumin reads a children’s book to her. It’s the sweetest thing you’v ever seen and you just watch for a while, a huge smile on your face.
Seven/Saeyoung  
He knew from the start. He learned when he did his background check.
For him it just feels like another reason why he should keep his distance. He doesn’t want to hurt you but the absolute LAST thing he wants is to hurt a child. 
But you stay steadfast with him, insisting to help him, continuously telling him how much you care about him. It seems that no matter how hard he pushes you away you just keep coming right back. 
Eventually, he opens up to you and the two of you are able to get Saeran out of Mint Eye and Seven out of the agency. 
Things start to settle a bit, but you and Seven agree that he shouldn’t meet your son until things with Saeran are a little better and your relationship feels a little more solid. 
So it takes a few months, but eventually things actually seem to be doing well enough that you think it’s okay. 
Seven is actually the one who’s the most anxious. He’s worried about making a mistake, about accidentally hurting your kid. The closest thing Seven’s ever had to a good parental figure was V and Rika and well. That was definitely complicated.  
You assure him that he’ll be fine, and to just be himself. 
Thankfully your son takes to him really quickly. 
I think Seven is one of those people that just does really well with kids? Seven has that childish goofiness that really works with little children.
Also? Seven has the coolest video games and makes the coolest toys so he’s an instant hit. 
It may take a bit for Seven to feel completely comfortable, but once he does it’s like magic. He’s a surprisingly good parental figure. 
He wasn’t a happy kid growing up and he never wants someone else to feel that way. 
You knew things were good when Seven and your son teamed up to pull a prank on you. If that’s not a sign of trust for Seven, then really what is? 
V/Jihyun
Your relationship with Jihyun was already unconventional. 
Your daughter was just less than a year old when all the Mint Eye stuff went down. 
You had told him about your daughter while at the cabin, there were moments while V was recovering that he was lucid enough to ask you questions. You would talk about things to try and keep him positive, to keep his thoughts from getting too dark 
Of course you ended up talking about your daughter a lot. At first you had felt awkward talking about your kid to this guy you were definitely falling for but he genuinely seemed to like hearing about her.
And then just like that he was gone for two years, and while you kept limited contact (enough to know that he wasn’t dead) you mostly had just tried to focus on going forward and keeping you and your kid’s head on straight. 
The day he returned was one of the best days of your life. And from then on the two of you started your relationship. 
Your relationship moved at a pretty slow pace, so like some of the others you decided to wait a bit before introducing him to your daughter. 
Of course that didn’t stop you from talking about her, in fact Jihyun always asked you about her, and you couldn’t say no to talking about your kid. 
When the time was right you decided you wanted them to meet each other, of course Jihyun was pretty anxious, he wanted your daughter to like him. He also thought a lot about the twins when he first met them which made his heart hurt a little. 
But Jihyun is a natural father figure (He isn’t called the Daddy of the RFA for nothing). He has this warm, comforting presence that just makes people feels safe around him. 
It doesn’t take very long before Jihyun and your daughter are close as can be. 
One of your daughter’s favorite things to do is whenever you both visit Jihyun’s apartment or he visits you, your daughter always collects all the drawings she’s done since the last time she saw him to show him. 
Of course he always compliments her drawings, he even invites her to come to his studio and paint with him so she can keep him company. 
One day you go by Jihyun’s apartment just to drop off something, and you notice a couple of your daughter’s drawings, proudly hung up on his fridge, another one in a picture frame in the living room. 
The one in the living room? A crayon drawing of the three of you together. Big crayon smiles drawn on your faces. 
Saeran
Like his brother he knew early on. When he had chosen you for Mint Eye he had noticed you had a son. 
Thankfully your son wasn’t with you at Mint Eye and was staying with a trusted person. 
After everything it was a bit difficult. 
Saeran was still pretty unstable, and you didn’t think it was a good idea for him to meet your son until he was a little more adjusted and had his mental health a little more under control. 
You did everything you could to support him during this process, while also taking care of your son. It was difficult but you loved Saeran so much you knew that it was worth it. 
After a while things seemed to be better. Saeran still had some struggles but he was a lot better at dealing with them and he rarely had anger meltdowns anymore. 
You decided to introduce them in Saeran’s garden. It’s a nice place and private place and one that made Saeran feel comfortable. 
Before you introduced them you explained to your son that Saeran was a nice guy but sometimes he had a tough time and would get overwhelmed. 
Your son seemed to understand and when you arrived you went straight to the garden. 
It was a little strange at first, your son was nervous around Saeran and Saeran was nervous around him. 
You worked to bridge the gap between them and after a while you could see them both starting to understand each other. 
It would take a while before they would get close but that was okay. The three of you seem perfectly happy to spending time gardening together. 
The point when you really see Saeran open up to him is after your son had a particularly bad day. The ones you had as a kid where you would just not be able to stop crying because you’re a little kid with big emotions and very few coping skills. 
You had worried that your sons meltdown would trigger Saeran but it was actually the opposite. Saeran sat down next to him and gently talked to him about what he was feeling. Together they did breathing exercises and he helped your son with processing what he was feeling. 
Saeran understood well what it felt like to be a scared kid, to feel so overwhelmed with emotions, one of the big things he had done in therapy was distress tolerance and dealing with negative emotions. And here you saw all that work come to good use. 
When your son was finally calm he couldn’t stop himself from hugging Saeran tight. When you and Saeran looked at each other, you didn’t see any fear, any anger. Only concern for your son. 
For you, it was like the biggest sigh of relief, and for Saeran a bit of a confidence boost. 
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forbidding-souda · 4 years
Note
hello!! i dont know if you’re still doing them but could i request number 31 from the prompt list for shuichi and hajime (preferably with either gender neutral or male pronouns) ty!!
31: “Hey, I’m having fun” Shuichi Saihara & Hajime Hinata (masc S/O)
I luv Hajime with my whole heart so I got you!! And yeah I’m still doing them <3!! 
Me and my godbrother were taking turns playing Mario and whoever wasn’t holding the one remote had to add sentences to this, so yeah here’s the result of that by the way, it’s towards the end of the Hajime one and the beginning of the Saihara one :D
-Mod Souda
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Hajime Hinata
You had a lot of friends in your class, as a part of the main course with the ultimates, and so you hung around them a lot.
And often, in an almost noblesse oblige, you’d bring along Hajime.
Chiaki runs the group hangouts, along with Ibuki, and they both seem to get along with him most.
But you still get anxious, because you know how much he admires the ultimates, and you wonder if getting him to hang out with them is making him jealous.
You don’t care that he’s not an ultimate, he’s still the one you love. But sometimes you get worried that you’re forcing him to come along with you. Does he not want to hang out with your friends? He’s not very vocal about his concerns, he usually goes along with what everyone is doing.
Every time you both go out with them he clings to your side, not saying much and laughing awkwardly.
The things your friends can do blows his mind.
Akane eats a whole chicken wing in one bite? His mind just ???
So when another party comes up in the talk, you already try to plan it in your head. What can you do to make Hajime more comfortable?
Chiaki, in her calm voice, introduces the idea.
“How about... us all in a big room with balloons and flashing lights?”
Ibuki is already excited. “Flashing lights? Like a concert.”
Chiaki gets a small smile. “Sure, how about you perform for us, Ibuki.”
“Maan, I want to perform too!” Saionji calls out, her head on her desk.
“Then that settles it,” Chiaki puts her hands together, “I suppose we all start to plan it now!”
A concert seems like the perfect place for Hajime to fit in.
He doesn’t need to talk to others, and it’s a place where you both are free to dance together!
The thought of being that close to him makes your cheeks heat up.
Would he enjoy that too?
Later, when the school day ends, you stand outside the reserve course’s main building, pulling your jacket closer to you as the winds begin to increase.
It’s always cloudy outside of the school, and it’s not something you’re too fond of whenever you wear the school uniform. Especially when it’s warm and moist.
“Hey,” Hajime knocks you out of your half-conscious state, “how has your day been?”
His eyes, his smile, the content look on his face.
Everything about it you love!
With a big smile you respond, “but I want to hear about you!”
And so you hear about how boring his day was as you both walk down the street.
The sun shines down on his face, peeking through the clouds, and highlighting everything you like about him.
Your face lights up for a second as you remember the party Chiaki was planning.
“Oh, Hajime, you wouldn’t believe the party we have planned out!”
“Does it take place in the school?”
“Yep, in the gym! Yukizome totally got permission for it and everything, Ibuki Mioda is even throwing a concert for just us!”
He stops walking, glancing down at you with a small smile.
“And when is this?”
You can’t tell if his interest is faked or not.
“This weekend! Some ways to go, right?”
He starts walking again before he responds. “I can’t wait.”
You both walk until you reach your room, and then he gives your forehead a small kiss before leaving.
And the rest of the week you both spent the majority of your time together after school walking around until you both end up somewhere recognizable.
Though, without telling him, your mind was occupied on what to wear.
How fancy do you want to be with him?
A tuxedo would impress nobody but Sonia, for sure.
Maybe something charming, like a button-up?
Standing in front of the mirror thirty minutes before the event, you confirm the idea of a button-up. 
And maybe a tie?
No, a tie makes it too official.
While you were decided what accessories to put on there is a knock at the door.
And there stands Hajime, wearing a white button-up and a tie.
“Hajime, you didn’t have to walk over here, I could have walked to your place!”
He puts his hands out in front of him defensively, trying to wave you off.
“I just couldn’t wait to see you!”
Flattered, you put your hands to your cheeks.
“Well, I’m almost done, but we can go now.”
He holds your hand throughout the walk.
The sky is an orange hue, and the sun is almost touching the horizon. Wisps of yellow and pink mix in the sky like paint.
His feet halt before he passes the gates that lead into Hope’s Peak Academy.
He’s passed them before, countless times with you.
But no matter how familiar he gets, the school is still a distant dream to him.
“Come on, let’s go!” You cheer, dragging him passed his mental block.
Past the doors of the school, Chiaki stands against a wall, her game system in hand as she consciously taps away on it.
“Good evening, Chiaki!”
She peers up for only a moment to wave before returning to her game. Maybe she’s a door mouse.
The gym, decorated by everyone in your class, had lights of blue and purple shooting from the stage.
Balloons of pink float, taped to the snack table and the edges of the stage, some of them bare and bouncing around on the floor.
Not all of your classmates are here, just a few you would expect to be early.
“Welcome back Hajime,” Sonia greets him, waving when she notices both of you. “How exciting is this! A concert inside of our school, wow!”
Breathing out, he adds, “Hope’s Peak Academy is truly amazing.”
Most of your classmates know him by name at this point, and they all know to be nice to him. None of them look down on him because of his status. None of them care that much to remember it.
Your mind almost immediately jumps to wondering where Ibuki is, as this is her magical moment. Perhaps she is hiding behind the curtains of the stage.
Your friends start coming, one by one until all 15 students stand inside of the gym.
And as the curtains pull back, you realize you were right. There, with her guitar, shooting fire out of its neck, she rings out chords and sings her heart out with Saionji dances in the front.
Not the best combo, but you enjoy it nonetheless.
And, no matter how chaotic her music is, you love it with all of your heart.
“That’s unique,” Hajime whispers to himself.
“She left her band because of creative differences,” you explain, smiling to yourself.
“Thank you so much for listening to my first song!” Ibuki cheers out, throwing her thumbs up, “and now - here are some of the oldies!”
And as soon as she finished, you grab Hajime’s hand, spinning him in place. His feet stumble as he was caught in surprise at the moment.
You both laugh against each other, vibrating with happiness as he returns the favor, spinning you around and pulling you close to his chest.
“Such romantic music.” He coos.
The others around you fall into the same, sugary light-hearted mood you and Hajime set. They dance, some better than others, but all in sync with the beat.
Even the slight swaying of the SHSL Imposter is enough to let everyone know the party has started.
The lights shine on everyone, showing your bodies as cold hues.
You can even feel his heart against yours one you grab him, pulling him into a kiss, which he happily returns.
Until someone interrupts.
“S/O-kun....” Chiaki puts her hand on your back. “Can you escort me to the bathroom, I don’t want to get lost.”
Chiaki we go to the same school.
You are almost unsure to leave Hajime. There’s such a high chance that’ll he will just hang against the wall and await for your return.
You smile, hands slipping away from Hajime and towards your friend, “Oh, of course, I can!”
And you walk with her, out of the gym and into the hallway, she suddenly stops walking and takes your hand into hers, pulling you to meet her height.
“I pulled you out because I got you and Hajime a gift!”
Your face heats up, and you watch as she takes something out of her pocket. It’s a card, multiple actually.
“They are free passes to the arcade.”
“Where we met...” You find yourself whispering under your breath as you take the cards out of her hand. There are four of them, all shiny and brand new.
“I just wanted to thank you both for... helping me get fifteen new friends. And being so helpful!” She takes a breathe, pulling that and toying with the strings of her hoodie, “I’m so grateful that I know the both you.”
Tucking the cards in your pocket, you give her a big hug.
She hugs back, breathing out a small sigh of relief. “Thank you.”
“Thank you for the cards! I’ll go give them to him now!”
She follows behind you as you turn, returning back to the party.
There was no way you would be able to stop smiling.
And once the door closes behind you, you know that your happiness is going to last forever.
Hajime holds his place in the crowd, bouncing around with all of your friends. His eyes, bright with excitement, bring light to his toothy smile. 
He feels comfortable with your friends! Oh, that is the best thing you could ever see!
He almost explodes with joy when he sees you. He finds himself pushing out of the crowd, too impatient to wait for you to reach him.
Immediately, he grabs your hand, pulling you close.
You look him up and down in worry, “Hajime, I’m back and I won’t leave again, I promise, were you okay when I left?” [ ;) ]
He looks stunned for a second before a cheerful smile alights his face. “It’s okay, S/O, I feel happy, this is really helping me!”
His lips fall open to add something, but he stops, rubbing your arms up and down. He adds, to end your concerns, “Hey, I’m having fun.”
“That’s all I wanted, Hajime.”
Chiaki passes you, going into the crowd, and you remember the point of your trip. 
A look of recognition dawns on your face as he sends you a warm inquisitive gaze.
A grand smile greets his gaze as you gleefully pull out the tickets. “I thought we could go together.”
His hands glaze over them, as realization settles in and sheer joy replaces his brief confusion. “The arcade! Where did you get these?”
Your lips purse into a grin. “It was a gift... from our friends.”
“Well, let’s go back to the party,” his intertwines your fingers, kissing your knuckles before dragging you back to the lights.
Shuichi Saihara
You sharpen your tie, trying to tighten it.
“If you keep messing with it it’s going to become uneven,” Maki scolds you, pushing your hands away from your own clothes.
“And then that will be my problem, but for now, let me fidget all I want.”
Maki scoffs, crossing her arms with her usual puffy face.
A couple of minutes ago, you knocked on her room’s door in a panic with the impossible situation of tying a tie.
You did not know, and Maki was the only person who would even think to know how to.
At first, she almost shut the door in your face, but you asked her for only one thing, she let you come in.
“What’s this even for.” She asks now, still agitated that you even bothered her.
“Oh... I asked Shuichi to play tennis with me!” You cheerfully reply, folding your hands together. “Me and Ryoma used to practice together.”
Maki responds with a dark look her voice dripping with cynicism. “He’ll think it’s a trap. You don’t really think this will end well, right?”
Defiantly, you respond, “I do think so! Plus, he trusts me."
There’s a slight break in her steely glare as she sighs. Under her breath, she mutters, “Just don’t get either of you killed.”
“Hm?”
“I said you’re an idiot, now leave.” Her fingers fidget with her bow, puffing it up anxiously.
Even though the SHSL Assassin’s tone reflects her irritation, her face shows an almost soft concern.
But she’s Shuichi’s friend.
She has to like you... right?
Right.
...Right?
The clock reads noon but the hallway is as dark as ever.
Ever since the last case, everyone’s mood has been down, and everyone has removed themselves from the dining room to reside in their dorms.
You go to open your door, but quickly, a hand covers yours. You gasp.
“Eh... S/O!” Shuichi exclaims.
“Shuichi, you scared me!”
“Aah... sorry, sorry.”
You lean up, your face close to his, so you naturally take a step back. “So, let’s get on our way then!”
Two pairs of feet stride around the school, knowing exactly their destination and everything involved.
And two pairs of eyes anxiously glance at each other, not knowing the boundaries each one possesses.
Once your hand lands on the doorknob to your friends’ lab, the sound of your own heartbeat becomes too prominent for your comfort.
It’s just a game of tennis.
That you are definitely going to win.
“Have you ever played tennis before, Shuichi?”
He walks through the door, knowing this place a little too well.
“Uhm... no.”
With a smile, you pick two rackets up and a ball, eyeing them and examining their physique. 
“That’s great, so it means I will win.”
A small smile forms on his lips, his eyes squinting at the comment.
“Well... let’s see. Maybe I’ll get the hang of it.” He politely takes a racket from your hand, swinging it to test the grip while you cross the court to get on your own side.
“I mean, Shuichi, you know the logistics, right?” You call.
“Uhm, swing the bat and hit the ball? No double bouncing, too.”
“First of all, it’s a racket and not a bat,” you correct with a smile, getting into your stance, “and second of all - take THIS!”
Before he can even blink a ball hits the wall behind him with a loud bang.
He jumps, taking huge steps away. “Woah!”
You tease, “What? You think you could win against me? I trained with the Super High School frickin’ Level Tennis Player!”
His eyes widen and he takes a second to process what just happened. The ball curves to his feet, allowing him to pick it up.
“Does... Does this mean that I serve now?”
You shrug with a cunning smile. “I don’t know. I’m not a tennis player.”
The response given to him tingles his bones, running through his joints just to provoke him. He throws the ball in the air, swinging the racket and sending it your way.
You hit back to him, and the game begins.
With a grunt, you guide the ball his way with an aggressive hit, once again making him move out of the way.
“That’s unfair,” he calls out, “there’s no way I can return that.”
“Thirty-love.”
Huffing, he picks up the ball again, wondering if he will ever catch a break within this building.
He serves the ball, to which you easily return to him, and with all his might, he hits the ball. 
It doesn’t even bounce to the ground.
“Aah!” You hop out of the way, brain sending alarms throughout your entire body. “Not fair.”
“Hey, I’m having fun!” He responds, trying to hide the smile on his face.
“I’ll count that as a point, so you have fifteen now, I suppose.”
He watches as you pick up the ball, tossing it in your hand. He couldn’t help but keep a loose grin on his face.
The game comes out fair, with you having forty-five and him still having fifteen.
Honestly, you feel like if you lose you’ll let Ryoma down somehow.
You make it like your life’s purpose to win!
He serves, hitting it aggressively, in which you use all of your strength to return. He’s been catching on by watching you swing. Just like the SHSL Detective should, supposably.
You swing the bat again, your arms feeling like they just came out of their socket.
He goes to return it but ends up having the ball bounce off of his racket, rolling on the floor. He didn’t even try to hit it.
Amazement fills your eyes. You won!
You jump up and down, clenching the racket to your chest.
“Aah... Good work, S/O!” He chimes in, turning to return his racket and the ball back where you took it. 
You skip happily over to him, returning yours as well. “You’re the only person I’ve played with other than Ryoma.”
Shuichi looks at you, satisfaction replacing the seemingly constant angst laced in his eyes.
“We should play together again sometime.”
A warm feeling covers your chest. “Yeah... that would be nice! Let’s see if you can win!”
He heads towards the door. You follow, still on a high because of your win.
When he opens it, however, he jumps in place. 
“Who ended up winning?” Maki asks.
Shuichi moves past her and out into the hallway, turning away from you. 
“I may have let him win.”
Huffing, you cross your arms in embarrassment. “I was still three points ahead.”
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stimmypaw · 3 years
Text
Stimmypaw reads Darkest Night! The fourth text post!
Back with these uh live reading comments! Remember those? yeah! I'm on the fourth book of Warrior Cats: A Vision of Shadows :D I read The Apprentice's Quest and Thunder and Shadow and Shattered Sky and now!! I'm here :D and boy did I have a time. Click read more to see it!
NEEDLETAIL?????????
Needletail???????????
What?????
OH???????
Wh THIS GUY IS TALKIN 2 DEAD PEOPLE????
HOW WHO IS THAT
OH MY GOD
These guys are weak and dumb skyclan is epic and sharing the territory with them is good, but of course sparkpelt isn't dealing well with change wink wink nudge wink nudge nudge huh???? (this is a nod to how I project into her and say shes autistic)
I am getting anxious for tinycloud SERIOUSLY how much longer until those kits??? Everyday you show up and its WOW my tummy ssure is HUGE AND BULGING I just Wonder Oh When They'll Be Born, probably pretty soon!!! :) and then they arent!!!! Birth dammit!!!
Cherryfall cut the sick and hurt cats some slack jeez youre Fine, youre not feeding half the forest and you have THREE medicine cats ready to help you if youre not feeling well
Bastard Cherryfall I hate you /lh
Dovewing and Tigerheart have relationship drama again. What is UP with those two I simply do not understand them
Watching Bramblestar trying to control this bizarre situation is actually funny he is so close to screaming "PLEASE dont be mad :c"
SOON WHEN???? JUST KIT THOSE KITTENS DAMMIT
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Get her, Alderheart
They LITERALLY said something about sharing the territory, they were like "Stars have five points baby and we need those 5 clans togetherrrr" what else do these cats want??? I know its a big change but its necessary
Wait everyone shut up that cat is named Podlight this is so important to me
Dang these cats are really still struggling :c I wish they didnt blame each other
Harestar is so cool
What the FUCK mistystar????
God what a disaster of a gathering Starclan is gonna be so pissed everyone is doing the opposite of what they should
I was holding my breath oof
I hope thunderclan gives some territory too thats too small a space for Skyclan
Oh boy oh boy oh boy i am Anxious for these Kitties
Violetpaw is me having nightmares every night
Macgyver is a heavily gringue name and I have No Clue how to say it how the hell do you say it
Update its either Mick Guyver or Mac Guyver apparently
Its fun to see how different the sisters are from one another, I love them both
I also love their mom with the name identical to puddleshine wish I got to meet her
IM CRYING BRO........M...MDB.....NFBANN.....VIOLETPAW BELONGS MY DARLING MY DAUGHTER
Sadly Twigpaw is for gender binarism 😔 /j
Twigpaw is often in her thoughts and doesn't pay attention to anything around her and I love her for that
Bad news Finpaw is gonna lose his tail, good news I can draw his tail fin-shaped
Puddleshine surgeon moment!!!
I love Graystripe and Millie
And I love that being flirty is a part of Sparkpelt's personality, I don't know what Alderheart is talking about she's always been dandelion-headed
Ok this is epic, I’m glad we’re breaking gender roles in Warrior Cats my heart dropped when the books called Briarlight cr*ppled, that’s the thing they promised not to do anymore recently right? I’m not sure but, I could use some uh less ableism on my Warrior Cats, the series is old but the newer books should be better, so yeah, good modernize these cats babyyy
OH COOL Skyclan journey!!! Fun I hope they find someone :] also fuck Molewhisker and Cherryfall bastards.
Jayfeather is gonna miss Alderheart too much for him to leave hehehe
ALL of Starclan showed up just to call out Riverclan pahahah
oooo is shadowclan haunted?????
FINALLY TINYCLOUD IS KITTING YES GOD YES GO QUEEN GOOOO!!!!
I wonder why Twigpaw wants to stay behind, there has to be more than just the camp stuff
"I wish I were more positive like Twigpaw, but at least I'm just as scarred by the death of my loved ones as my dad :] I like being like him"
Violetpaw witnesses a car crash 😔 that was a bit messy what happened to those cars also why the hell was one of them smaller was it a bike??? Or ???? Idk what's up with it!!!
Needletail just happens to have slow-down turned on for her on the discord chat so she can only say like a few words each hour :/ why the hell is she here tho Violetpaw needs to get OVER your death!!!!
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This short exchange has made me love Dewpaw
Also, I love Twigpaw, I still wonder why she stayed behind tho
Ahh, is it cus she feels too estranged from her family :c ? I wish her mom was around maybe that would help
Jee Twigpaw be a tad more empathic, I can see Twigpaw struggles with that sometimes
You can't cheer him up right now he's grieving, just find him on common ground, talk to him, don't try to make him happy just try to keep him company
Oh wow finpaw that's a dangerous thing to say I hope Twigpaw doesn't crumble under the pressure to never be sad because people like her because she's happy and her being sad would be bad
ALSO I JUST REMMEMBRERD UH TWIGPAW MENTIONED BRIARLIGHT BUT BERRYNOSE IS RIGHT THERE???? HE IS RIGHT HE DIDNT DIE OFF SCREEN IM SURE OF IT WAIY
BERRYNOSS IS RIGHT THERE I CHDCKED!!!! HE LOST HIS TAIL TOO AND HES A GREAT WARRIOR, TWIGPAW!!!! YOU SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED IT ITS MORE RELATABLE
Okay I'm glad they're getting along this is nice
Oh look twigpaw you Are like your father :] this is cute
Skyclan begins to fish competitively I'm glad
I like it when medicine cats bicker about their leader's behaviors ehheheh, Jayfeather talking about how weak Shadowclan is, Alderheart being annoyed at his father for wanting to stay silent, the others worried about the tensions this is all cheff the kisser
Jayfeather spitting the truths about how Starclan doesn't know shit, and he is very much one to speak
Puddleshine: Rowanstar stepped up the patrols :c
Leadstar: He has warriors enough for that?? Damn good for him
Dang poor Skyclan I hope they manage stuff better soon
Oooo the girls are fighting!!!
Alderheart starclan anxiety time dang
Sheep :]
Needletail :[
I'm sad Ravenpaw isn't here, this is a lovely reunion scene but knowing Barley will be alone when they all leave breaks my heart
Oh, maybe not, but if they stay I'll be sad also cus Skyclan needs its warriors
Aw man, Twigpaw is struggling :c
OUCH
I WANT SKYCLAN 2 SWIM THO......
Omg crimes
That sounds kinda possessive twigpaw!
DOVEWING?????
T
WhHAHAGAHAHA WHERE DID THAT COME FROM
omg tigerstar 2 real
Whats he gonna do to rowanstar???
ALRIGHT THATA OVER THEN PAHAHA
Aw, I'm glad they're having fun tho, and that twigpaw sees herself as skyclan
Alderheart, as he meets someone for the first time in a while: ARE YOU OKAY???
Blackstar protagonist moment
The medicine cats: our gods are toying with us again and destiny is uncertain
Leaders: I cannot DO this right now PLEASE leave and let me care for The Real Issues
Alderheart: YOU WILL hang out at my house Willowshine this isn't up for debate
Riverclan suffered enough and it's their turn to throw a tantrum about it, honestly good for them hsghahah
Alderheart asks his father to go on a quest to check people's feet
WHAT THR HELL IS A CANTANKEROUS
Alderheart and Willowpelt sitting there watching Shadowclan fight
This is really funny
HEWWO????
Puddleshine, in his eyes: help help
I love Skyclan
Ok this sounds like it's gonna be very very fun
Mission impossible: Escape From São Paulo
Oh, is Fallowfern deaf? That's so poggers omg I wanna see more of her
Edit: fallowfern is an elder that lost her hearing with age and retired after that happened :/ boring
I love leafstar so much
Juniperclaw: aren't you gonna punish her????
Leafstar: why
Juniperclaw: when I tell rowanstar he's gonna be pissed
Leafstar: don't tell him
Juniperclaw: the fuck is wrong with you and your clan??? Where is everyone???????
Leafstar: busy
Icon
I don't trust abled people specially able-bodied people telling disabled people they just have to train harder and feeling sorry for yourself won't help.
But this is the closest to a positive message to disabled people we have ever had in warriors so I guess I'll take it but I want better
IVYPOOL!!!💖💖💖💖💕
Dang ivypool what a way to show someone you miss them hahaha
Twigpaw: uhhhh how's dovewing?
Ivypool: what do you mean did she do something illegal I'm sure she did
Ivypool is a seriously funny character WHY are you yelling at the young adult about your sisters illegal activities she doesn't know anything about it!!!!
Alderheart goes on an adventure
Feet inspector on the road!!!!
Jasper is so funny I love him
Omg what's he got against clan cats??? What's his sad backstory????
YEESSSS SPARKPELT MY LOVE 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💕💕💕💕💕💕💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💕💕💕
Sparkpelt your opinion sucks but I love you
I'm really really glad they had this moment this is really sweet, they hadn't talked for a while but this is genuine like, we hadn't had this sort of relationship in so long in the books with just, dialogue yknow??? THEYRE TALKING ABOUT THINGS
And the pause Sparkpelt takes between her speaking to fix what she's saying "I'm sorry for saving you :c no wait uhh not exactly but like" this is so good so natural so fun I love you sparkpelt
I get why she has a diferent opinion on Skyclan it's good for someone close to Alderheart to have a different mindset from him and for him to have someone like uh be opposites from him a lil yknow contrats his characteristics makes both siblings fun round and full of kitty do you get what I'm saying???
I love this
I love Sparkpelt, love her lil anxious moments, love her, love that she just wants to fool around with toms and enjoys Larksong but doesn't want to get serious you go girl
They wanted to write smart-ass they wanted to write smart-ass so bad
They're doing this in the rain?????
I'm quite certain Violetpaw is a young adult by this point its valid for her to go
Wh why did you let your cat out in the rain dude!!! When it comes back it's gonna dirty up the whole place it's wet out there!!!! And the cold is gonna get in the house!!!!!!!
I WAS HOLDING MY BREATH OH LORD
That was SO INTENSE AND SO FUNNY AND SO MUCH, IM SO GLAD SHE MADE IT I GOT SCARED
Oh this is so epic
That moment when your cat nearly dies and then it runs off and you go after it and then a bunch of other cats show up and start running with it
I hope Twigpaw can see the others soon
Glad to see her keeping her medicine cat knowledge ehehehe
???????
Sandynose I hate you you are so abled
Sandynose: I don't want my son to feel distanced from his peers so I'm distancing him from his peers
DOVEWING???
SANDYNOSE SHUT UP IM GOING TO KILL YOU ANS MURDER YOU
I'm so upset with Sandynose WHY isn't leafstar seeing this WHY DOESNG ANYONE SEE THIS SOMSONE PLEASE CONFORT AND LOVE MY CHILD TWIGPAW DOESNT DESERVE THIS
Angry sad upset why
Piscina
Thanks graystripe
Ok who's dying this time
Ok no one just a background cat got hurt he will survive otherwise it would be relevant
This was intense though what will happen now???
YES FINALLY
Oh this is lovely so good they're here!!! The rest of skyclan has arrived and we are all happy together
That dream felt good
NEEDLETAIL??? AGAIN
Where were you at!!!!
What!!!
Check this man's feet how many toes are there this could be good
What
Hegshahwha what the fuck is up with this guy
Okay I like him
Ohhh THATS tree
Change your name if you don't like it you sound trans already
Yeah nothing makes one smarter like dying
This is very fun I'm excited for more of whatever happening
Twigpaw :c
HIS SNIFFLES
Oh no
Hhhhnn I want Twigpaw to be happy so bad, I hate seeing her struggles
Sandynose you are so evil and very detested by me
You can and you SHOULD feel angry at Sandynose he SUCKS and he is being needlessly mean at you!!!!! There are much better ways to bring up the possibility that maybe you'd be happier with thunderclan!!! Fuck off Sandynose
Oh so Snowbush hasn't improved, maybe he will die?
Poor Alderheart
Oh fuck there he goes
Yeah
Aw man, rip to the background cat
That was a heavy death too
Aw, I was hoping the rest of Skyclan would show up before the gathering, maybe just after it???
I wonder what's going on in Shadowclan
TIGERHEARTS MISSING HUH???
The couple was kidnapped
HUH????
Oh my lord oh fuck
Can't anyone step up to lead why do they depend on Tigerheart so much???
Jesus christ
Alderheart kills his gods
This is so chaotic and funny I'm worried as hell for shadowclan but excited a lot is happening
HI TREE AGSGAHAH
Tawnypelt >:(
Puddleshine: WAIT DONT KICK HIM OUT, CHECK OUT HIS FREAKY FEET INSTEAD
Oh dear
Twigpaw :c
TWIGPAW :CCCC Man rememebr when I said I hope Twigpaw doesn't crumble under the pressure of being happy for others? yeah
GET OUT SANDYNOSE I DONT CARE YOURE BEING REASOMABLE FOR ONCE YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN LATER
:C
I'm so heartbroken for them
Uh pdhsgahab okay then
Bye finpaw
Wow that was easy for him
This is fun
I'm still sad as hell
Okay there's a lot going on right now wow
The owl scene was funny as hell to picture, this dramatic prophetic moment and the cats just "uuggh is that a prophecy??? Nooo"
Okay so
There's some shadowclan cats missing, considering the many sleekwhisker maps I'm sure she's up to no good but I have no clue what happened to the others and I hope they're okay
Wow! That was really something
Fantastic ending to a very good book its, definitely a different energy from the third but I'm really enjoying this I'm still excited as hell!!! I got worried things would get kinda bad from here but nope!!!! Very fun stuff for now this is very very good and I am enjoying it
This is definitely one of the most fun arcs I've read so far!!! The drama the stakes the little moments everything is tying together really well into a very fun story I'm enjoying a lot!
I worry for Twigpaw and hope for her happiness, and Violetshine too, hope her and Hawkwing deal well with missing her. Tree is being interesting. Alderheart wasn't much of a focus here but always fun to see him trying to solve the damn prophecy no leaders seem to care about. Mousewhisker was okay??? Lots of very fantastic turns for all events and uh let's see where this all goes next!!!
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metellastella · 4 years
Text
Mao Mao Pride Week Prompts, Part 2
A continuation of the prompts put out by @maomaosmother Previous batch here: https://metellastella.tumblr.com/post/621726687992872960/hello-everyone-happy-pride-month-to-all-of-you
4. Who I am
Mao said, “You know how some people like B.C. marry the other sex and have children to ‘fit in’?”
“Yes.” Snugglemagne said. “It’s something that’s crossed my mind once or twice, to be honest.”
Mao started in surprise. “Really?”
“Yes, to continue the throne. Hard to imagine committing to someone you weren’t drawn to, but …” he shrugged. “Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad?”
Mao rubbed his chin. “I don’t think a lot of people would agree with you there. But. For my own part. A good number of Mao members choose celibacy, because of our offered teachings. Would that not simply be a form of celibacy, just on one side, not the other?”
The king thought about it. “Well, it does seem to make it more manageable, when put that way. I’ve been visited by groups of nuns traveling from their covenants, and they don’t seem to be worse off for it. But, obviously it’s easier for women than men.”
“There are friars, too,” Mao pointed out. “Wanderers. Tending to the poor. Stand-up characters. I felt lucky whenever I’d run into one. Camped out with a few of them in my time. Nice fireside chats.”
“Oh, yeah.” 
“Both of those genders we just talked about  . . . and we in the clan tend to think of all of it, more of as an option. Not a core part of who I am.”
“Hm.”
“How about yourself?”
“I’m with your battle partner on this one, Mao.” 
He nodded. “Fair enough.”
The cat chuckled. “It was kinda cute on nights when he’d pick up a partner and I wouldn’t, and he would get all anxious on my behalf, and, say, ask if they should go to a different floor and not the next room so I wouldn’t feel more ‘lonely.’ He just doesn’t get it’s not that big a deal. He never has.” he shrugged. “And, heh, I have more than enough training to block out distracting sounds from my mind, and I sleep really deeply. But, I appreciate his being concerned over me anyway.”
“I guess I might think of it a little less as a central tenet than he does. After all, I haven’t been actively courting anyone since you both got here, or a little before that, either.”
“So, nothing to do with me?” Mao quirked an eyebrow.
“Heh, unfortunately not. I’ve experienced ‘love at first sight’ before, but for your particular case, it crept up slower. Sometimes that’s just how it is.”
Mao opened a gloved hand. “Right! That’s kinda like the point I was going to make about marrying someone the spouse wasn’t drawn to. Think of the reverse! At least among us siblings, no matter whom we’re drawn to, or how strongly, we tend to seek the same sex a lot, anyway, because it’s just much less hassle and worry, you know? Somewhat because we have warrior duties that take precedent over having children and domestic life, somewhat because we’re wielders, when mixed-magic-and-non-magic opposite-sex pairings can be complicated. We do have, not only the magical blockers to consider, but we’d like to have more wielder children if we’re going to pair up and take that risk in the first place. My sisters would be … I guess a word for it might be … embarrassed? Or frustrated …? To go through an entire pregnancy and not ‘gift’ the world with a wielder. A new dragonslayer! It’s not just outside pressure, either! The bond between a wielder child and parent is just … unfortunately more satisfying than not.”
Mao paused, examining the non-magical animal’s face.
The lion carefully guarded his expression at that. It really didn’t sound like prejudice. He seemed apologetic enough. But it felt that way.
Of course, he could never understand it fully. 
If Mao was looked down on for being the weakest … what gauntlet must a non-magical child born into the clan go through??
Maybe it was sheer, pure benevolence on the womens’ part to do what they could to prevent that. 
But that in itself was kind of hard to think about. 
Mao didn’t get any hint as to his thoughts.
Another animal might have given into an angry or irritated expression, but the king’s diplomatic and political training paid off. 
Not finding anything amiss, Mao resumed. “Sometimes, we just want to let off steam. We seek the same sex. Sometimes, in the past, despite being drawn to both sexes, I’m not really all that attracted, but I want the option anyway. The ‘option’ concept goes both ways.” 
“I . . . guess I understand that, though I still have a hard time picturing being intimate with someone I wasn’t drawn to first. Despite my idle musings on the possibility.”
5. Obstacles
“What?” Mao’s sister asked. “Just because I’m up for fun, you think I’m any less controlled than you, little brother? Conscious decisions are just as fun. Get over yourself.”
His ears went all the way down. “I … I’m so sorry,” his green eyes got bigger than ever. “So sorry! I always thought you were so impulsive … How could I think so badly of my own kin…”
“Aww, it’s all right, Mao,” she backpedaled. “Oh my gosh, stop taking everything so seriously.”
But he looked genuinely grieved. “I don’t have any room to talk,” he looked at his own gloved hands. “Was it my Ego defense mechanisms kicking in? A blind spot? Or … I mean … the others don’t approve of your actions either. Was I just emulating them? They don’t care as much about my actions. Is it because I’m a man, and you’re a woman? Is it prejudice?”
“Really Mao, stop stressing over it. The elders have their penalties in place for both men and women! The social aspect of it … it is what it is. All people have got their personalized hurdles in life. Like the athletes! Tiring, sure. But. Everybody’s just gotta buck up and jump over them.”
“You think maybe that’s a reference to real bucks?” the badger wondered. “Man, imagine catching an antler to the chest.” His voice faded, losing its joy. Did the lion spot him trembling? “Think of facing an even more massive caribou or wildebeast! All antlers, all business. All genders. I mean even a bare-headed female moose with her mountain of muscles is nothing to sneeze at. I do feel sorry for any one of them who might consider themselves male, though. Antlers are hard to fake. All those dudes and dudettes are WAY scarier than predators. Preds like to make out like they’re hot stuff! Psh!” the animal shook his head. “Many bovine species outweigh them several times over … ” 
“Didn’t stop me,” the black cat said confidently.
“Yeah, yeah,” the badger waved his paws dismissively at the magically strengthened animal. 
“I guess in that case the phrase ‘buck up’ might be slightly sexist,” she hummed thoughtfully. “Deer can definitely jump hurdles, though. Way higher than bears could. Like horse jumping! I wonder if their sports earn more money because the audiences like them better? It’s more graceful, they have more natural ability? Higher stakes, too. Their legs are very slender even though they’re strong … it’s very easy, with their massive weight, to totally shatter their bones if they land wrong. Even just racing, not jumping. The same isn’t true, for, say, greyhounds. Their welfare isn’t as endangered. Enough money flows that there are always magic salves on hand, but bone still takes pretty long to heal after the initial injury. But, because they’re so graceful and skilled, they’re drawn by the money rewards. Bears, who usually do it more for status and reputation, are trundling, bumbling, and clumsy by comparison. Even though they’re half-predators. How did they ever manage to make any kills in the old days? I guess a diet of mostly fish didn’t favor their developing grace and speed, as with canines and felines.”
The badger crossed his arms. “With the other type of ‘hurdles.’ I guess even though I admire you in a lot of ways, I don’t envy you outright being a woman. I can lie about attractions and pretend that I’m never drawn to men, if the situation demands it. There is no ‘closet’ for presenting as a woman. That’s tough, though you’re a wielder, so that offsets it a lot.”
“It’s not like being an average woman. Not nearly! Even if I didn’t have powers though. Being drawn to men is a whole lot harder than my stuff, too,” she disagreed.
Snugglemagne thought it was sweet how they seemed to be mildly arguing over whom to support more.
6. LGBT+ Safety
“There was the phenomenon of ‘male daughters,’ in the ancient world,” the lion said. “They were as perfectly ordinary legal designations as a birth certificate nowadays.”
“Oh?” Mai perked his ears, interested.
“Yes, I’ll give you some material on it. They lived like men did, and inherited wealth like they did. They were treated as men in pretty much every way. No having to conceal for safety concerns, like the mess in some places in the modern world. It was just obvious, and pedestrian, to that culture and those individuals. They weren’t harassed because they looked different, nor was a body seen as gender role ‘destiny.’ The approaches and conceptual framework to this issue have varied so much from place to place, and time to time.” “Can’t wait to read about it.”  
The sister made a face. “Oh yeah, that’s Mao, always holed up with his scrolls. I’m more of a party girl.”
“Same,” the badger said.
“I told him …” Mao sighed. “I told him that you all seek the same sex often too. But it’s different for guys.”
“Why?” the lion asked. 
“Remember what I said about the ‘lower’ position,” the badger reminded him flatly. “Actually, among most adventurer circles, at least, it’s totally OK for a pair of guys to get jiggy with each other, as long as neither does that. It’s called a warrior bond.” 
“The warrior bond was something B.C. and I considered,” Mao said quietly. “Out on the road, you never knew whose nose you’d run into. Subbing is not something you can conceal. With animals who aren’t nose-blind, there is no ‘closet.’ We’ve been to places where birds could do things on the sly. But that’s a rarity. Everywhere else, there are predators, or heavyweights, or wielders who’ll take a piece out of your hide for it. Of course I’d have zero problems defending us if necessary. A random group of anti-heroes or bandits just nosing around for trouble in general didn’t have any chance against me, either. But. Just not worth the hassle. Not to mention I’d want to break the nose on whoever it was. All it would take is one good pop.” He made a lighting-swift motion-retraction with his fist. 
The smiles on both the badger and the bigger cat faltered. They looked at each other in concern.
Mao either pretended not to notice, went on because he wasn’t about to soften his feelings on the matter, or was so absorbed in his own reflection that he really didn’t see them. “And I’d enjoy it too. I always did.” He glanced up at them, expression unreadable. “I won’t apologize for thinking it. In fact, I still do. Being a wielder, though, fanning those thoughts is not a good idea. I had to learn that through trial and error.”
“That’s not healthy for anyone,” the badger shook his head, “wielder or not. You’ve managed to avoid growing more of a … like … you said Blue mentioned … a ‘martyr complex’ over it? Right?”
Mao sighed in aggravation. 
“Yeah. I was in the throes of that before. Anyway. For other normal or lesser powered people, the warrior bond provides safety.” Next:  7. Marriage 8. Self-Acceptance   V Click below V https://metellastella.tumblr.com/post/622003595371544576/mao-mao-pride-week-prompts-part-3
First chapter of the fic here: https://metellastella.tumblr.com/post/617045879413719040/piercing-the-swordsman-chapter-1
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marching-bells · 5 years
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This is Wada’s interview for the release of Animal Parade in the February 2009 issue of Famitsu magazine’s Heartwarming Bokujou Monogatari Fanbook (vol.2). 
I’ve provided an English translation (from myself) under the cut.
集大成的にもう一度Wiiで作ろうと思ったことがきっかけ Why I thought of creating another Wii title
To start off, please explain the design and creation process of Animal Parade. Wada: The reason I decided to create Animal Parade was that I had discussed making another Bokujou Monogatari title using the Wii. Recently I have viewed the series from a remote staff position; so this time I returned as a producer,  wanting to involve myself closely with the work for the first time in quite a while. 
Were there any difficulties while developing [Animal Parade]?
Wada: There was a struggle when it came to reducing the game's load times. There is always going to be a load time, but Animal Parade's was made shorter and comfier after we rebuilt the system's mechanics from scratch.
Tell us about the kind of themes included in Animal Parade.
Wada: The original theme was to create a game that included elements from the DS titles while capturing an atmosphere similar to that of "A Wonderful Life"(※①). At first, Animal Parade was going to be named "The Town of Wind and Water" to convey the feeling we wanted. The other theme was that we wanted to create a game that included elements from "Tree of Tranquility" while making a title that was easy to play for those who have little experience with Bokujou Monogatari. Of course, we tried many new things with Tree of Tranquility; such as being able to keep ostriches, and being able to pet and care for (wild) animals. In Animal Parade, we wanted to bolster these features by making them cuter and adding variety to them, putting emphasis on making the game fun.
Cuteness is surely important, but even the way animals move is cute!
Wada: That's right. While making the game, the movement of the animals created by the staff healed* me just by looking at them. At the time, I had only been thinking about dogs. However, the world is not only made of dog lovers; there are cat lovers, too. So then...I decided to continue from there and put consideration into the idea of other [animals] too. Certainly, isn't it funny when you think of animals like a snake or a frog? The thought continued like that. There are people who like various kinds of animals, so we wanted to create something rich in variety that satisfies those people. Additionally, we thought it would be more fun to have a lot of tricks to learn, and prepared leveled performances with variations up to MAX level(※②). 
Even in the Circus, which has its first series debut [in Animal Parade],  the animals take an active role. How was this developed?
Wada: The circus was created not only from the idea of being something cute and soothing to the viewer, but also from the design point of adding an element to animals that make them more interactive and fun. To properly convey the full diversity of animals, we didn't just include small animals (such as pets), but also large animals from Africa like the giraffe and elephant. The theme of the circus in Animal Parade is, "it is a place where those who come to see it will be healed". Just looking at the circus tent from above and cheering "Good work!" makes one lonely. So, I decided I wanted to have fun alongside the animals' performance.
A lot of the same characters that appear in Tree of Tranquility also appear in Animal Parade.
Wada: The reason we reused the same cast of characters was because there were a lot of requests for those characters to return from users who liked them. I hope they are happy that these characters have come back, and I have worked with those requests in mind; however, the characters have been rebuilt from the ground up. The characters and designs are all the same, but events and dialogue related to the characters are starting from scratch. Furthermore, there were requests for new characters to be added, so I wanted to include those for [Animal Parade]. I will do my best to listen the voices of the users and work hard so that you will all be happy!
Now that new characters have appeared, everything seems to be getting more entertaining; Was there anything that concerned you, though?
Wada: When I decided that the original Tree of Tranquility cast should return, I wanted to make sure that the game expanded on these characters while retaining features of their past selves. [The idea] was not to distort the original designs just because new characters had been introduced to the work. For this reason, the new characters we introduced were non-human, such as the Harvest King and Harvest Goddess.
What's the concept for each character?
Wada: Harvest King's concept is "strong and handsome".  According to the character designer, he is a character designed with their preferences on "full throttle" (laughs). At first I was a little anxious, but when the design was completed, there was enough original works reproduced from the design that he became the first or second favorite character to come from Animal Parade. By the way, my personal favorite is the "Witch". Since the Witch in “Island of Happiness” was based on the character designer's preferences, this time the Witch is based on my own tastes. Basically, my type is "Tsundere" (※④), so this Witch also fits that trope! The core essence of "Tsundere" is a bit boring [to me], so I made the character design more aligned with a "cold, but gentle" feeling. Also, since each character is designed with a gender opposite in mind, the Harvest King is a marriage candidate along with the Harvest Goddess. Because of this, we couldn't introduce the Witch without having the necessary male equivalent. That’s how the Wizard was created in this circumstance. Since the Witch looks sweet, the Wizard was designed to look "cool". It's intriguing when there's gaps in content, so the character was created with a cool personality in mind, but also with a slow-paced, natural feeling. Fin(※⑤), who stays alongside the protagonist, appears in a number of important cutscenes and has a position as a helpful character. With Fin at their side, beginners will find it easy to play this game. Also, Fin is an apprentice Harvest Sprite; it would be nice if [Fin] and the player were able to get along in the world.
The number of different festivals included in Animal Parade has also increased considerably.
Wada: In the newest titles, the amount of events you can view to interact with residents (such as love events between marriage candidates) is quite substantial. In Animal Parade, we wanted to enrich these events with new experiences, enhancing the events and festivals that everyone enjoys! [The work] contains a lot of new mini-game styled festivals. Each season holds different kinds of festivals, so please view them all.
With the amount of events involving residents also increasing, it seems you can fully enjoy the peaceful life and atmosphere there.
Wada: Correct. Not only are there rival events, but there are also rival marriages,  regular events involving residents, and even events that can be enjoyed after marriage. As an example: when you get married, your game doesn't end, and you can enjoy your spouse working on the farm with you or talking a walk with you. At most, the number of events is usually around 500 or so, but for Animal Parade there are 2000-3000 in total when you include the event variations.
It does seem like it will be hard to view them all (laughs). But, it looks satisfying; like each day will be fun.
Wada: We tried to create scenes from various world-wide perspectives, so it would be good if you interacted with the (game) world on a daily basis. Like past Bokujou Monogatari titles, we incorporated a lot of things into the environment like festivals(※⑥). Unfortunately, the things that we couldn't fit into festivals are now put into sub-events. I want everyone to be surprised; there are various new twists that this work brings forth, so please check it out.
You'll want to explore around the area with the new camera - it's packed with fun!
Wada: Anyway, I wanted have a look around the continent. I had the idea that you could a lot of interesting things using the camera! It was due to that idea that the self-timer was created. For example, you can create an interesting photo if you take a picture while running in the shot. With that feeling, we expanded more on the [camera's] features.
Please give a message to your fans who haven't played Animal Parade yet.
Wada: Now more than ever, the work has been completed in such a way that it will satisfy everyone's taste! It's a game that is very close to the original ideal that I wanted when I intended to create the Bokujou Monogatari series. I tried playing all of my previous works up to this point, and it was interesting to have been touched by each one. With that said, please rest assured that it's a game you can play even if you have little experience with the series.
『わくアニ』を基盤にして 『牧場物語』の最終形を目指す Aiming for the final form of Bokujou Monogatari based on Animal Parade
I want to ask about Bokujou Monogatari as a whole. What kind of work are you going to create in the future?
Wada: The entire concept of Bokujou Monogatari is being able to do many things in a heartwarming world, making it the ultimate garden toybox that can be enjoyed by each and every person. In real life, I want to create works that make you realize things must be obtained through hard work and don't come easily. I feel that Animal Parade's direction represents the final form of Bokujou Monogatari. If we can improve the form and atmosphere of this work, it will become even better than before.
What kinds of things do you want to improve?
Wada: I don't want there to be any load times, and I'd like to remove the restrictions on the number of animals that you can keep and raise on your farm. I want to keep at least 100 animals (laughs). After that, I want to improve the characters. As it is now, we are making a system that actually feels like you are communicating with the characters in the game. Also, for the animals - rather than making them realistic, a caricature is simple and easy to understand. I want to be able to do many things with them as well. Furthermore, I'd like to be able to expand the types of cooking recipes available. Right now you can only cook using a recipe, otherwise experimenting with the ingredients will cause the dish to fail. Overall, the goal is to grow and allow players to try many new and different things.
Please leave a message for series fans!
Wada: The theme of the series is roughly divided into "ranching" and "rural countryside life", but the core essence is being "the ultimate toybox".  Rather than experiencing things you're already able to do in real life, it's a place where you feel your dreams can come true. If you open the lid, you'll find there are happy things packed inside, but there are sad things as well. Moreover, I think that each of those things are experiences you can only get from these games, and all become important memories. Please experience the realism that you can only feel while playing Bokujou Monogatari for yourself.
Keywords:
(※①) “A Wonderful Life”......Software released for the Gamecube in 2003. The titles “Another Wonderful Life” and “A Wonderful Life: Special Edition” were also released in 2004. 
(※②) Level MAX......The level of pet acts goes up to 4. Each level has a different act, and the animal will perform in a cute manner. The motion animation team went to a zoo to study the movement of animals to use as a basis for the movement of the tricks! Furthermore, rather than animate literal movements of the animals, we tried to make them cuter. The [animals’] movement and appearance is a lot cuter than the original designs in Tree of Tranquility. By popular demand (?), the silkworm (which provides silk cocoons) also had its cuteness improved!
(※③) The Circus......It comes to Harmonica Town every month (season) on the 22nd. Many various animals will perform feats of amazing talent!
(※④)Tsundere.....They are people who appear to have a cold attitude at first, but will warm up to you when you get closer to them.
(※⑤)Fin......He's a Harvest Sprite created by the Harvest Goddess that's always by the protagonist's side. Since he's just an fledgling sprite, he has no ability to ring the Bells.
(※⑥)Festivals......Festivals are hosted by the residents of the town, and there are many different festivals each season. In previous Bokujou Monogatari titles, there were festival events like chicken fighting and tomato-throwing fights.  In Animal Parade, you're not only able to watch and enjoy the festivals, but you can also interact with residents more closely.
(*Throughout the article, Wada uses forms of “ 癒す “ or “to be healed”. There was no real direct translation for this. It’s a subculture thing in Japan. I hope you can understand what he was trying to convey.) 
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those-pink-specs · 4 years
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So, um, yeah … I finally finished my great long rave about the Klámstrákur video … make of it what you will …
Maybe this is a load of hot garbage, but my starting point was what they’ve said about self-image and toxic masculinity.
But I reckon that if your toxic masculinity shows up in a latex crop-top and corset, there’s probably something interesting going on.
I had a quiet Sunday a couple of weeks ago, so I watched it really, really slowly and overthought the hell out of it.
Sssooo … tl;dr (because the bit after the cut is really long).
What if ..
·         the lighting and colours (and costumes) have consistent meaning, and are part of the storytelling?
·         it’s basically all an attack of angst in a bathroom: an internal power struggle with no clear winner?
·         everyone who appears is part of that person’s own psyche (except Einar, who is a memory)?
 I’m definitely not saying that any of my thoughts are a ‘right’ interpretation, or especially original for that matter. It was just fun to fit all the bits into a nice pattern that makes sense – at least to me.
[Even I’m quite surprised by how much I had to say about this in the end...]
Klámstrákur
The toxic-masculinity-in-a-corset interpretation
*TW: low key for discussion about anxiety and gender angst. Nothing heavy, but, hey, I know how easy they can be to set off at times …*
 So, this thing is Art and it can mean basically anything you want it to.
Most people see a narrative around sex work. The lyrics make it hard to get away from, in fact (though could be a metaphor for queerness – but never mind that). Anyhow, while I agree that sex work is the background, in my overthinky way, I don’t think the song is about that, precisely.
I like to overlay it with the idea that the two voices are the same person, and we’re mostly having a tour through his angst. This works okayish for the song on its own, but it’s much better in the video (or so I think).
Anyhow, we start in the bathroom. The scene is saturated in a deep, velvety red light. (I’m going to talk about lighting a lot.) A choir hums gently in the background. Our lad stumbles in, washes his face and has one of those ‘is that really me?’ moments in the mirror.
He shakes his head, as though trying to dispel bad thoughts – and that’s where we immediately go … and stay.
Bad thoughts.
We get a flash of Einar alone in a theatre. Then three nearly subliminal flashes of Matthías as we see him at the end. Only with his head in hands like this:
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(Sorry for the shitty screen shot. Perfect gifs of this bit do exist, just not here.)
This has got to mean something, surely. It’s not there by accident. I pause to mention it now, but I’ll come back to it later…
 00:25 – … on stage…
A curtain brushes aside and we’re on stage. My interpretation is that the stage is his perception of the outside world and/or memory of the recent past.
Why? Because that’s where Einar is – and it’s the only place we see him. Einar is the only ‘outside’ person we see. So he’s being recalled and thought about as an audience. It’s a perfect metaphor for playing a role, as the outside world looks on. As I flippantly said on another post – Einar is the ‘male gaze’ on this rather ambiguous body. (I wrote it as a weird academic joke [‘male gaze’ is a feminist art theory thing], then went … oh wait … what if he is?)
And then … there’s that red light bathing everything in the theatre. I think the red represents (or reinforces) a concept. Possibly desire … for sex, sexuality, submission, androgynous or feminine expression … money, whatever – anything except the accepted norm for a nice cis-het bloke, basically.
We’re just 26 seconds in at this point – and our lad is recalling stripping off and dancing on his pole for Male Gaze Einar. But the recollection is starting to make him feel guilty, ashamed, anxious and sick (or just more so than he already was). He starts to panic, and think he’s dying – as you do. But he’s not really dying: it’s anxiety.
His thoughts start to circle. There’s a nightmarish hospital trolley – that he’s literally chained into (perhaps by the anxiety if we want to really push the metaphor – or at least by those serious-looking girls in catsuits). And then there’s the theatre where he’s dancing like the sinful, slinky mink he accuses himself of being.
The first time we see the trolley (at 0:59), it’s in a blue corridor –the first real change from the red – but as the other three in the scene approach, the trolley swings slowly back into a red corridor. Then, just as we get to the end of the intro … ég sé að deya (1:16)… back onto stage.
Don’t worry – I’m not going through the whole thing this slowly. In fact, for the first verse – where we’re hearing about what a degraded, weak little smut addict he considers himself to be – it’s mostly visual escalation. We cut between him being strapped tighter into the trolley in the red corridor, the stage, and a few shots of Male Gaze Einar starting to look … frisky…
At the end of the verse, it’s crisis time, because we get our first, momentous: Þú ert klámstrákur!!! … and so enters Matthías properly.
He’s mostly lit with blue. He’s wearing some very important pink specs (ahem) and a lab coat. And he is most certainly playing the part of ‘toxic masculinity’ as in internalised shame, guilt, and a self-hating need to conform to society’s expectations of maleness. He’s a part of our pole dancer’s psyche, though. Not someone else shouting at him: just his own desire to be someone else, to be another way. To be in control of himself. To not be gay or gender-bendy or a pole dancer … or whatever.
So I see something implied in the settings and lighting: red scenes, desire and immersion in the klámstrákur lifestyle; blue scenes, self-loathing and a need to control, purify and conform. And it’s a real tussle with … I think … no clear winner.
 01:45 … The spin out
I particularly like the next little bit.
Don’t look now, but between one bellow from Matthías and the next, we’re back on stage. And Einar has got a bit over-excited and is clambering over the seats. As in a dream, the pole has transformed into a chair full of pole dancer, and in one of the most memorable snippets, we get fingers tenderly/sexily making their way down Klemens’s chest.
Let’s enjoy a crappy screen shot of that for no reason at all:
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[… oh my …]
And then that fabulous chair spin from the red stage to the blue clinic room (screen shots do not do it justice, so please just replay that bit in your head … I’ll wait …)
… Now how about this?
When he stumbled into the bathroom at the start – he was just starting to get anxious. And that bit with Einar was what set him off. Desire for some stranger. A touch. Something too gay or too … something … for his self-loathing part to handle. He panics, spins out and goes into cold self-hatred (blue clinic) needing to regain control, and to conform and purify.
And from the two minute mark – right through the next bit of verse where he lists all the things that ‘sometimes’ happen – that’s what’s going on. The list maybe be factual, or his fantasies, or angsty exaggeration, or some of each. It doesn’t matter, he seems to think he needs or deserves the treatment he’s getting, and submits to it wholly, like a góður drengur.
But – as I said at the start, that toxic masculinity in control of the situation is dressed a wee bit less masculine than you might expect. I mean – when you think about gender-panicky homophobes IRL, you don’t usually think latex crop-top and corset. But maybe it’s more about domination and control. This is the part of the psyche that seeks and exerts those things – so dominatrix chic may be just the ticket.
Anyhow, he’s bathed in the purity of that blue light, busily head-massaging away the gay, while screaming at himself for being filthy and disgusting.
[This is so fucking camp … why am I like this?]
 02:30 – ambiguity – or who’s the anxious one here anyhow?
From here on, things get really ambiguous and therefore really interesting.
New setting: this is a chamber with a nice pole in it, and windows so the Matthías character (now in a nice fluffy red coat that just screams ‘pimp’) and the serious girls in catsuits can watch at a safe distance.
And our pole-dancing boy is released from captivity for observation. And what happens then?
This …
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Followed by this …
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This little backward glance. An implied moment of eye contact.
What do you see? Is porn boy anxious? Unsure? Obedient?
Well, maybe.
But I like my queer boys a bit bolshy, so I see defiance. A look that says: ‘Think you can control me? Well game on, bitch.’
Because he really goes for it on the pole after that. Surely that lightning-quick crotch grab at 02:43, when he’s being called ógeðslegur karlmaður is a very clear ‘fuck you’!
[Really though?
Well why not?]
It’s easy to listen to the Eurosonic version and hear the Klemens voice suffer and panic, and just assume that he’s a victim. There’s no real story line to the lyrics, but the Matthías voice gets the last word, so we naturally suppose that our poor little filthy boy is somehow lost, or fighting a losing battle for survival.
But to me, the video evens things up a lot.
One of the reasons that I thought that both voices might be the one person even just in the live versions, was that the name-calling is so over-the top it seems kinda panicky. The video reinforces that – with the shouty voice being so obviously controlling. And the need to control is an anxious need. Internalised homophobia as a fear. So, Mr Shouty in the crop-top is as much an embodiment of anxiety as the filthy boy. Maybe more.
Because if they’re both inside the head of a lad having a panic attack in a bathroom, then it’s Mr Shouty who has caused it. He (Matthías) desperately needs to control his impulses (Klemens), maybe because he’s afraid of what will happen if he doesn’t.
[Does that make sense? I hope that makes sense to someone besides me.]
 Anyhow … back to the action … it’s game on, and the next bit (02:45 to 03:00) is a lot of shouting about filth and a whole lot of arse.
Uhm …
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[well … quite …]
The battle pushes to-and-fro until we’re suddenly back here:
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 What is this? Opening his pores? Who knows, but it’s a very cool effect. It definitely looks like punishment/purification (so very like opening one’s pores). The light is blue – just as hard and bright as before. No red in sight (there was a lot of red in the observation chamber – such was the power of the filthy boy’s wiggles). So control is seriously asserting itself again.
The struggle is real.
Now, from 3:02 – the really difficult bit – the couch:
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The couch is long and low, lit blue and red at opposite ends with a homoerotic / bondage picture partly obscured by curtains. What does it signify?
The messages are really mixed, even just with Mr Shouty. He’s in his pimp coat screaming about his disgust, sometimes lit blue sometimes red – but he’s got filthy boy by the leash now.
So what is it? He hates himself, but he kinda gets off on being a slinky-mink pole dancer? It’s the same mixed message as the clinic outfit: ‘I’m your need to be a normal bloke – but I’m rocking this crop-top and corset look.’
Well … at risk of overdoing it by trying to fit everything together too neatly – what if the couch bits are about balance? Getting over the attack with a little give and take between the warring selves. Or something like that.
In the last minute, the war between clinic and pole is fierce – with interludes of couch.
When we see the couch we also see:
Porn boy’s leash being held, him dancing obediently and wearing more clothes. So less impulsive – under some control. The purifying ‘treatment’ has worked a bit. Pores cleansed.
Control freak still shouting but, as I said, he’s not looking like a dominatrix anymore – more like a pimp. So arguably, he’s secretly enjoying porn boy’s show while calling it filthy and disgusting. I think that’s the point – which I guess means that toxic masculinity also makes one a moralising hypocrite (‘that type: making a scene’ – though that’s not the official translation, sadly!). However, for now he seems comfortable watching – and he’s no longer trying so hard to control his filthy-boy self.
But, of course, the war isn’t over. How could it ever be, for an androgynous pole dancer with internalised homophobia and gender panic?
[Sounds horrible and I don’t recommend it. Just be a happy slinky mink and a cheeky sinful seal, that’s my advice.]
 So lastly …
This whole emotional-breakdown-in-a-bathroom theory would have been greatly assisted if we had even the tiniest throwback to the bathroom right at the end. But we (probably) don’t.
What we have instead, however, is a throw forward from those flashes of Matthías on the couch at 0:24 (I said I’d come back to that!). If I’m even vaguely right, then those flashes show the balance breaking down. The visual is of Matthías’s shouty half of the psyche – head in hands. What’s he feeling?
Our pole-dancing lad is staring at himself in the mirror at that moment, thinking of that excited audience member. His inner control freak, who had been moderately at ease with the dancing, and sitting on his comfy couch, is suddenly overwhelmed by guilt and flickers into breakdown … and it begins where it ends.
So it’s a cycle. Maybe.
Or maybe this is a load of hot garbage.
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Note
Am so in the mood for some fics where John helps Sherlock through detox/cravings/danger nights, anytime throughout the series. Bonus points for Sherlock being scared John will be mad at him or turn away, but John being supportive and understanding!!
anonymous  asked: Do you know of any Sherlock fics that include self harm? Thanks
Hi Guys!! 
Since these are… SORT OF related, I’m putting them together! I don’t have many re: self-harm, so I thought I would add all the drug use, poisoning and the like fics together as well. They’re for both John and Sherlock, so I hope that’s alright! Hope these suffice!!
SELF-HARM
See also Alexx’s Lists:
Self Harm Fics
Self Harm – Part 2
John is drinking too much – Alcoholism
Shut Up and Sleep by Cumberbatch Critter (T, 1,257 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship) – Sherlock has a knack for hurting himself, although not entirely on purpose. John is a doctor, and it’s a good thing he’s there.
Needles by Kryptaria (M, 5,194 w. || Hurt / Comfort, Friendship, Needles, Referenced/Implied Drug Use, Doctor John) – At the end of January, 2010, John and Sherlock move to 221-B Baker Street. By mid-February, John takes up his role not only as Sherlock’s guardian and helper, but also his doctor. As the months pass, they grow closer and the trust between them deepens, until Sherlock puts it to the ultimate test.
I’m Pretty Sure This Changes Shit by cwb (E, 7,672 w. || Fluff, Cudding, Doctor/Patient, Accidents, Pining Sherlock, Blow Jobs, Oral / Anal, BAMF John, Minor Injuries, Dev. Rel.) – Sherlock finds increasingly ridiculous ways to get John to patch him up after hurting himself.
Checkmate to a Castled King by LaSuen (T, 18,290 w. || Friendship, Hurt / Comfort, Sick Sherlock, Rev. Reich.) - John dies. Or at least everyone thinks he does.
The Kissing Disease by cottonballz_of_death (E, 30,856 || Sickfic, Angst with Happy Ending, Case Fic, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Jealous Sherlock, Body Image Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional H/C, POV Sherlock, Oral / Anal, Thong, Frottage) – John brings home a boyfriend, shocking Sherlock, who long ago gave up hope that his straight flatmate would ever take a romantic interest in him. In a bid to reconnect with John, he tries to infect himself with a “harmless” virus. Neither of them is prepared for the emotional fallout that results.
The Moonlight and the Frost by CaitlinFairchild (E, 77,289 w. || Case Fic, Post-HLV, Self Harm, Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Oral/Anal/Rimming, Romance, Angst, Mary is Not Nice) – John has to somehow rebuild his life in the wake of Mary’s betrayal and Sherlock’s deceptions.
Bleed Me Out by antietamfalls (E, 87,987 w. || Vampire AU || Bonding, Vampire Sherlock, Fluff & Angst, H/C, John Whump, Magical Realism) – John isn’t exactly surprised to discover that Sherlock isn’t human. His vampirism doesn’t pose a problem, even when their relationship gradually grows into something more. That is, until a deadly revelation about John’s blood sends their lives spinning dangerously out of control.
Maintenance and Repair by patternofdefiance (E, 106,650 w. || FutureAU, Augmentation || Augmented John, Depression, Body Modification, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, Sci-Fi, Self-Care, Body Dysmorphia) – John wants to explain the rush of sensation and data, which is just another form of sensation (or is it the other way around?). John wants to say:Augmentation circuits report temperature, pressure, various forms of quantitative input. Sudden changes are reported as pain, since sudden changes are dangerous, and pain is the quickest way to encourage reflexive extraction. But all John can manage is, “Nng.” Because this sudden touch is not reporting as pain. Part 2 of STATIC
between each beat are words unsaid by darcylindbergh, hudders-and-hiddles (T, 107,998 w. || Epistolary, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Angst, Happy Ending) – On their wedding night, John and Sherlock gift each other with the things they each said when the other could not hear, the things they each put down where the other could not see: a collection of writings that illustrate the way their love for one another has grown over the years. Part 1 of between each beat
Shatter the Darkness (Let the Light In) by MojoFlower (E, 109,683 w. || Genie/Djinn AU || Magical Realism, H/C, Kidnapping, Genie Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Case Fic, H/C, Angst, Clubs, John Whump, Mild DubCon) – Fairy tales are for those who remember how to dream; not John Watson, broken and hiding from his bleak future in a beige bedsit. But then he discovers a lamp and finds himself in the dangerous riptide of an enigmatic man whose very existence is unbelievable, murder charges against his sister, and the growing pains of feeling alive once more.
Breakable by MissDavis (E, 117,627 w. || Established, Fluff/Angst, Depression, Paralysis, Happy-ish Ending) – After John is seriously injured, Sherlock struggles to figure out how to help him, keep himself sane, and maybe, just maybe, get their life back to the way it’s supposed to be. Part 1 of Breakable Not Broken
Unkissed Series by 221b_hound (T to E, 184,168 w. across 46 works || Established Relationship, Ace Sherlock) – Sherlock returned from the dead a year ago. John returned to Baker Street six months ago. They’ve been in a couple since then. or at least, not NOT a couple. For two smart men, they sure can be dumb. Luckily, an art thief tries to drown Sherlock, Sherlock has a fever dream and things are about to change.
The Gilded Cage by BeautifulFiction (E, 326,887 w. || Omegaverse || Omega Sherlock / Alpha John, Friends to Lovers, Dub Con, Reproductive Rights) – In a world where Omegas are the property of the elite Alphas, locked away and treasured by those wealthy enough to buy them, John never questioned his flatmate’s secondary gender. Sherlock Holmes was an Alpha through-and through. Wasn’t he? A chance discovery turns the world on its head, and John is left grappling to come to terms with Sherlock’s past as events conspire to threaten their future.
DANGER NIGHTS
Treasure Hunt by ThessalyMc (K, 2,288 w. || ASiB Missing Scene, Danger Nights, Friendship / Family, Seek and Find Game, Smoking) – Mycroft called them ‘danger nights’ because he feared Sherlock’s mood might drive him back to drugs. John knows better. Doesn’t stop him tearing apart the flat he knows is clean, though. He’s not looking for drugs, though. He’s setting up a distraction.
Those Days by StillWaters1 (T, 2,663 w. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD / Sensory Attacks, Caring Sherlock) – If Sherlock had danger nights, then these were John’s danger days.
DRUG USE / DRUGGING / POISONING
See also Alexx’s Lists:
Drugged Non-con sex
Drugs & Recovery
Mycroft deals with Sherlock’s drugs
Helping Sherlock With Drugs
Sherlock Drugs & Addiction
Angsty Drugs & Prostitution Fics
Teenlock & Drugs
The Signs of Loss by LitLocked (NR, 1,103 w. || Post-TSo3, Pining Sherlock, Self Reflection) – Sherlock’s internal monologue after he comes back from the wedding.
Clarity by socomessnow (thoughtfulwishing) (NR, 1,283 w. || Post-HLV, POV Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Tarmac Scene, Stream of Consciousness, URT, First Person Present Tense) - During-and-post-HLV piece tracking Sherlock’s thought process from his phone call with Mycroft to his return to the airfield.
The Two of Us Against the World by slashscribe (T, 1,617 w. || Post-TAB, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Drug Addiction, Anxious Sherlock, Angsty Fluff) – John is there to take care of Sherlock as he comes down from his overdose in The Abominable Bride. Set immediately after the tarmac, back in 221B.
Loudly Unspoken by Mount_Seleya (M, 1,871 w. || Post-TAB, Love Confessions, Vulnerable Sherlock, Frottage) – John confronts Sherlock about the words he left unsaid on the tarmac. Set immediately after TAB.
They’re Taking My Wisdom by whitchry9 (K+, 1,939 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Drugging, Dentists, Friendship, Anxious Sherlock, Humour) – Sherlock goes to the dentist. Of course, being Sherlock, things have to be complicated. Oh and drugs. They’re always fun.
Stay by sussexbound (M, 2,067 w. || Post TAB, Suicidal Ideation Mention, Implied / Referenced Drug Use, Kissing, Love Confessions, Frottage, Coming in Pants) –  “Why? Why did you do it? Hmm…?” He takes a deep breath, waits, lets it out again. “Look at me.” There’s no denying him when he takes this tone. “Why did you kill him? Hmm…? For her? After…” A muscle twitches in the corner of John’s eye, and he clamps his jaw down tightly, swallows and sniffs a little before continuing. “For her? After everything she’s done?” “For you.” Before he can even stop himself. Just like that.
Coming Full Circle by KCS (K+, 2,358 w. || Alternate TGG, Friendship, Drama, Violence/Death References, Drugging/Poisoning, Kidnapping, BAMF John, Moriarty POV, Introspection) – Moriarty had John for almost six hours between his abduction and the showdown at the pool - more than enough time to implement a Plan B for his escape should Sherlock call his bluff with the fake bomb vest.
Thief by KendylGirl (M, 2,430 w. || Rev. Reich., Heavy Angst, Regret, Grief / Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Implied Drug Use, Self-Flagellation) – John has been gone for four months, and Sherlock is not dealing well with it. When he finds a personal item of John’s, the situation reaches a crisis. Part 3 of When to Let Go
The Battersea Bridge by pininglock (M, 2,585 w. || MCD, Angst, Grief, Unhappy Ending) – A life without John Watson isn’t a life worth living.
Unspoken by PipMer (T, 2,770 w. || Drugged John, Mutual Pining, John’s Missing Wednesday, Fluff & Angst, Canon Compliant, Gap Filler) – Sherlock wanted to test a hypothesis. About John. He wanted a question answered that he couldn’t just ask, at least not under normal conditions, because John would never tell him the truth about that.
After the Bombs by VampirePam (T, 3,337 w. || THoB AU, Drugs, John’s PTSD, Panic Attack, Nightmares, Caring Sherlock, Cuddles, Bed Sharing, Angst, Hurt/Comfort) – In which the drugs Sherlock used to dose John trigger a severe episode of PTSD. When terrors old and new cause John to fall apart, Sherlock must rectify his mistake and pick up the pieces.
Bolt Holes by PostcardsfromTheoryland (T, 4,177 w. || H/C, Angst, Drug Mentions, Pining Sherlock) – John asked, one evening, if Sherlock liked her. To which he grudgingly had to say yes, and John said he was glad. Because John was going to propose to her.
Experiment by Gwen’s Blue Box (K+, 4,222 w. || Non-Con Drugging, Hurt Comfort, Friendship) – Of course John has always known about his flatmate’s irregular sleeping habits, especially when they’re on a case. This time, however, the case is taking longer and longer, and soon John starts to worry. But there’s not much he can do, is there? Because drugging Sherlock isn’t an option. Not yet, maybe, but will it be soon? {{CW: John drugs Sherlock without his consent}}
Afghanistan in Baskerville by Amaya Ramiel (K+, 4,357 w. || THoB Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Drugged John, PTSD / Panic Attack, Hallucinations, Worried Sherlock, John’s Past, Friendship) – What if John hadn’t seen the hound when Sherlock trapped him in the lab? What if instead, his very real nightmares of the war had materialized all around him? Trapped and drugged, John can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. How will Sherlock react?
Afghanistan in Baskerville by Amaya Ramiel (K+, 4,357 w. || THoB Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Drugged John, PTSD / Panic Attack, Hallucinations, Worried Sherlock, John’s Past, Friendship) – What if John hadn’t seen the hound when Sherlock trapped him in the lab? What if instead, his very real nightmares of the war had materialized all around him? Trapped and drugged, John can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. How will Sherlock react?
Very Good Indeed by StillWaters1 (T, 4,531 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Doctor John, John Whump) – John Watson was a doctor, trained to observe details; a fact Sherlock had never been more aware of than when a drugged John’s lifesaving instructions were based on an unlabeled syringe and an unconscious murder suspect’s body.
Needles by Kryptaria (M, 5,194 w. || Hurt / Comfort, Friendship, Needles, Referenced/Implied Drug Use, Doctor John) – At the end of January, 2010, John and Sherlock move to 221-B Baker Street. By mid-February, John takes up his role not only as Sherlock’s guardian and helper, but also his doctor. As the months pass, they grow closer and the trust between them deepens, until Sherlock puts it to the ultimate test.
Not The Hands That Kill by You_Light_The_Sky (M, 6,201 w. || Winglock, Whump, Mentions of Drug Use) – Having wings does not make Sherlock Holmes a guardian angel, not in the way that John Watson is his.
The Dying Detective Remix by SailorChibi (K, 6,563 w. || Friendship & Family) – No one hates admitting illness or wounds more than Sherlock… perhaps that’s why no one believes him when he actually gets sick. Fortunately, when he can’t do it himself any longer, John and Lestrade are there to pick up the slack. Features Paternal!Lestrade and Gen John and Sherlock. One-shot.
The Hours Before Midnight by Lady Sam Mallory (T, 7,773 w. || TGG Fic, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Torture / John Whump, Kidnapping, Drugging, Alternating POV, Worried / Protective Sherlock) – Moriarty doesn’t play fair. John must deal with hours of torment from Moriarty before going to meet Sherlock at the Pool at the end of the Great Game and Sherlock must deal with the consequences of his boredom.
A Dangerous Mix by thebakerstreetgirl (K, 8,077 w. || Angst, Whump, Drugs, Hurt/Comfort, Overdosing) – During a case, John gets attacked and Sherlock and Lestrade find him with a mysterious drug running through the army doctor’s veins.
Never Been This Swept Away by estalita11 (T, 8,531 w. || Post-TAB, Mary is Not Nice, Drug Use, First Kiss, Love Confessions) – Set immediately after TAB, Sherlock visits his brother to definitely not apologize about earlier and ends up finally learning a few things that would have been nice knowing about months ago. Mycroft never wants to deal with lovestruck idiots ever again.
The Five Stages of Mourning, Plus One by SunnyRea (T, 10,557 || MCD, Pining / Grieving Sherlock, URT, Heavy Angst, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Drug Use, Graphic Death, Depression, Unhappy Ending) – Sherlock did not want this, did not want another stalemate with John in the middle, a gun in Jim’s hand. This cannot have happened without a sign. There has to be something he missed anything which said today is the day I kill for real.
Obsession by storylover18 (K+, 15,213 w. || HC, Case Fic, Friendship) - Dr. John Watson wakes up ill one morning but it is not the 24 hour flu he thinks it was. Soon he lands in hospital, quickly deteriorating and Sherlock must work to find out what has happened to his blogger before it is too late. Case!fic mixed with sick!fic / No slash.
Brief Conversations with the Woman by May_Shepard (E, 21,906 w. || Pining, Love Fairy Irene, Filler Fic, UST/URT, Drug Use, Clueless Sherlock, Relationship Advice, Angst w/ Happy Ending) – Sherlock has a puzzle to solve, and his name is John Watson.
A Love with No Name Series by aceofhearts61 (G to M, 49,955 w. across 20 stories || Asexual Sherlock / Straight John, Est. Rel, Queerplatonic Relationship, Romance, Cuddling, Fluff, Platonic Romance, Domestics) – In which Asexual!Sherlock and Straight!John are platonically in love life partners.
Albion and the Woodsman by Glenmore (NR [E], 54,437 w. || Post S3 || Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst, Family, Drug Use, Depression, Sherlock POV) – Sherlock and John are devastated after Mary Morstan makes her final moves. Sherlock relapses at the crack house, John walks around the world … and a lot happens in between. Parentlock, in the good way.
The Vapor Variant by 88thParallel (CanadaHolm) (M, 72,684 w. || Post-THoB, John Whump, Protective Sherlock, Guilty Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD John, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Suspense, Virus, Sickfic, Big Brother Mycroft) – They stood face to face in the middle of a clearing. The dim light of the moon barely allowed Sherlock to see the glassy terror in John’s eyes and the sweat that glistened off his forehead. His nose was bleeding again, blood dripping in a slow stream from his right nostril. They were both gasping for air, John’s eyes locked on Sherlock’s. There was no recognition there, just wild animal fear. Time stood still for an eternal few seconds, and Sherlock took a shaky breath. “John—”Spell broken, John spun and bolted back into the woods. Still heaving for air, Sherlock took off after him.  {{HAVEN’T READ THIS FIC YET, READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION}}
To Light Another’s Path by BeautifulFiction (E, 128,654 w. || Post-TGG, Sick Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Drug Addiction / Recreational Drug Use, First Time / Kiss, Case Fic) – Teaching John to observe seems to be a losing battle, but when Sherlock falls ill and submits himself to John’s care, will he realise that there is more to life than the science of deduction? Meanwhile, there is a murder to solve, and John must try and convince Sherlock not to sacrifice his own health for the sake of the case.
Ten Days by Engazed (E, 137,208 w. || Rape/Non-Con, Post-TRF, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Torture, Case Fic) – Sherlock Holmes has been dead for forty months, and John is at last beginning to live his life again. But just when he believes he might be happy, his world crashes back down around him. John is named a missing person. Someone is pointing DI Lestrade in the wrong direction. And as the days pass, his situation only grows more dire. It seems like the disappearance of his best friend is the only thing that can bring Sherlock Holmes back from the dead. Part 1 of The Fallen
Midnight Blue Serenity by BeautifulFiction (E, 151,907 w. || Friends to Lovers, Gay Bar / For a Case, Drugs, Pining, Case Fic, UST) – When Sherlock infiltrates a club in order to track down a serial killer, his altered appearance is enough to make John question his assumption that Sherlock is beyond his reach. However, is he the only one who appreciates his flatmate’s charms, or is Sherlock at risk of becoming the next victim? {{centres around drug use, but not necessarily John or Sherlock’s}}
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Note
okay cool! how about a drabble with changkyun from monsta x, Fwb or mafia au with fluff prompt 8 that you posted? she/her or gender neutral, whichever is easier for you :) only if you want to and please take your time if you choose to do so! ♡
i am so very sorry for just now posting this, but i’ve been going through a lot emotionally and with school, so please bear with me…
But other than that, I really had fun with this. I’m sure it’s not what you imagined, I lost my way writing it at first then just said, SCREW IT!
request guidelines
requests/asks
Be Quiet
Pairing- I. M × Reader
Relationship- Mafia FWB
Genre- it’s whatever you make it
Prompt- 8. If we stay quiet, do you think they’ll forget we’re here?
Word Count: 2.3k
“(Y/N), is the boss home?” The voice rushed and laced with anticipation, “If not… I’m wondering if you’re up for a little fun? ”
You turned to your side, looking at the clock. Seeing that it was 11:40 p.m., you knew that your father was home. I swear this boy has a death wish. The guard men and guard dogs were out patrols by now. The only way to get in the house was through them or your father, but he knew that already.
“Chankyun, you like playing with death, don’t you? You know he’s home. And you know what happened the last time he found out you were here. You’re lucky my dad loves me.”
He began laughing on the other end. You both knew the answer to your question. It was the reason he was in your father’s gang at the prime age of 22. So, he asked you again, and you asked him yours. But instead of getting the response you wanted, Changkyun told you he’s coming over. And there’s no changing his final decision.
“Fine, but you better have a good excuse for coming over. Or you’d better be good at hiding. Don’t abuse my father’s trust.” And with that, you hung up your phone.
The history of you and Changkyun went back decades, from before the either of you were a thought. Your fathers were best friends back in high school. That friendship trailed all the way down to you two. Your older brother and his are best friends, so it was only natural that Changkyun would become yours. He followed you all throughout your school years, and so did the feelings you felt for each other. Then he was initiated into your father’s gang. That completely changed the dynamic of your friendship. He said it was the only real way he could make sure you were always safe. You both cared for each other, but maybe a little too much. Leaving the two of you uncertain of what your fathers’ would say of the two of you.
Rolling on your side, you gazed upon the moon. Wondering if you got far enough from your father that you and Changkyun could live together forever. Even if it lasted but a second. You’d take him any way you could get him. But what you had right now wasn’t enough, nor was it fair. You wanted Changkyun all to yourself, you wanted the world to know he was yours and that you were his. You hated the fact that when you’re together, holding hands isn’t an option. It wasn’t fair that you saw other couples your age, they looked so happy together. All the romance movies and love songs that made you think of him. The thought of Changkyun melts your heart to a liquid only to be instantly frozen and shattered when you remember who he works for. You knew that you were made to love Changkyun and that he was too made to love you. But why does it have to be so hard?
The only way to get his attention the way he was okay with was by playing hooky. Not that you were complaining, but you wanted a real relationship with Changkyun. It had been going on for years, and you were beginning to become worried that he was starting to see you as only a stress reliever. You knew that he’d open himself up for you, but that he also has a reputation for closing himself up from everyone. The thought that he would begin to hide scared you to the bone. You remembered the last time he did. It was a few months before he was initiated, he stopped calling and texting, wouldn’t answer any calls either.
“What’s up baby?” the voice drawing you out of your late night confusion. You could hear the smirk in their voice. For a split second, you were concerned as to how he got into your room, but then remembered you always left the window unlocked.
“My stress level, Changkyun. That’s what’s up. Wait, were you already on your way here when you called?”
You turned to your side making eye contact with him. Looking into his eyes, you saw the playful darkness laced in his gaze. Changkyun didn’t have to open his mouth to tell you. His arm snaked its way across your waist, attempting to sway you into the crazed plan he wanted you to be a part of.
“Changkyun… what are you trying to do?” you suspiciously eyeballed him, moving his hand.
His silence kept you anxious, anticipating his next move. You tried getting a read on him, but he learned to maintain his distant expression. It wasn’t fair, and he knew that. Keeping his distance and planing mischievousness; two things you always had to clean up or cover for.  You watched him as Changkyun laid flat on his back, closing his eyes and smirking. As if saying ‘you’ll never figure me out’. You watched him, attempting to at least figure out what he might be trying to do. Once two minutes had passed, it dawned on you.
No…
You shot up from your bed, hands beginning to shake. Your mind told you it was the only thing that would make sense. But your heart told you it had to be something else and that he wasn’t that stupid.
“Changkyun, please tell me what you’re planning?” you pounced into his lap shaking him awake.
“Egar, now are we, (y/n)?-” his hands traveled up your sides, you could tell he heard nothing you said.
“Changkyun! Tell me!”
“Depends on what you think I’m planning-”
“I think you’re planning on having an early grave. I’m serious, Kyun.” You rolled off his lap and sat criss-cross near him.
A mischievous gaze danced across your figure, causing you to squirm. He finally responded after shifting onto his side. Changkyun’s words rolled off his tongue as if they were rehearsed. He said he wanted to sneak you out and catch a ride on a bus and travel the city.
You scooted off your bed as you scoffed. Sneak out, where did he think you lived; in a normal household? You began walking to your closet, looking for pajamas.
“You ready to come out the closet, (y/n)?” Changkyun whispered.
“Very funny, I busted a lung, can you tell?” You sashayed towards your bathroom.
He continued bugging you about it, saying that he was serious. He’d found a perfect little restaurant at the end town and the buses route ended right before there. You continued ignoring him, knowing that anything Lim Changkyun thought of always led to you bailing someone out. You couldn’t understand why he insisted on you agreeing. Normally, he would have given up minutes ago.
You looked in your mirror, noticing him staring at you. You could tell he didn’t know you were but it was nice. It was a change. Most of the time you saw him with the other members or your father, he always looked so serious. Like he could kill you without a second thought. But now, here with you, he looked just as he did back in high school. Changkyun’s eyes were so soft as they followed your every movement. You saw the smile he tried repressing lowly emerge. You quickly looked back at your self as you finished washing your face. Suddenly, your ears perked up at the sound of clucky boots hitting your floor. You quickly turned around, a frustrated pout plastered across your face. His hand slowly held your chin as he leaned in just as slow.
“You know how I hate seeing my baby pout~” He mimicked your dad, provoking you to scrunch your face.
“I can’t believe you’ve done this…” You turned back around and tried putting moisturizer on.
Changkyun’s arms enveloped around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. He winked at you in the mirror as he edged his lips closer to your neck, only to quickly shift his head onto your other shoulder. Causing you to exhale quietly. He remained watching you, leaving you restless. You gave in and turned around. He picked you up and sat you on the sink.
“Say 'yes’, please. (Y/N), I promise you’ll love it, and if you don’t you can tell your dad that I snuck you out against your will.” His eyes traced circles around your face and lips.
“You’re not kissing me…”
You slid off the counter and walked back to your room. You could still feel his eyes burning holes into your back. You grabbed a hoodie, sneakers and your wallet. You could feel he hyping himself in his mind.
“You’re not going to regret this, I promise!” He stole a kiss as he ran to your window.You looked at your door and locked it. Your hand lingering on it, quietly praying that this goes right.
~twenty minutes later~
Your leg had begun its notorious shake. He knew you didn’t like sneaking out. It wasn’t because you’re afraid that a rival will see you, you were afraid that your father’s men would come into your room and find that you weren’t there. Meaning your father would more than likely never allow you to hang out with Changkyun. Even if he believed knew that you were friends. You couldn’t imagine being alive without him with you. And almost like he read your mind, his hand held yours, even though he made no eye contact.
The drive was quiet. No one but the two of you and an older gentleman occupied the seats. It was nice, easier for your nerves. The outside world was sleeping, but there you were. Sneaking out to go to a restaurant. You were living what you always read about, watched on T.V., what your mom would tell you about. It was terrifying and yet a breath of fresh air. The neon lights that ran past you reminded you of nights you never had. Changkyun’s hand reminded you of the heartbreaks yet to happen. The hum of the engine spoke of secrets yet to be told. The bumps in the road told you to hold on to him.
“We are here.” His hand grabbed yours as he rose in his seat. You thanked the bus driver as you exited, resulting in a kind smile.
Little did you know, that’s what Changkyun loved most about you. Even though you were brought up in a cutthroat family, with an even more dangerous family business, you still managed to bring light into anyone life. Even if it was for a second.
“Oh, Kyunnie~, it an open-air restaurant!” You ran out to it, dragging him.
“I remembered when we were kids, you used to beg our moms to take us any time we walked past one.”
You smiled brightly at Chankyun and then at the man in charge of the place. He eyed you both, noticing the several piercings and the small tattoos Changkyun possessed.
“What are a couple kids like yourselves doing out still?”
“Looking for some trouble… and food.” Changkyun’s mafia persona was breaking through.
“No, we’re here for food. Please, and thank you.” You nudged him as you moved in a way that caused you to be in front of  Changkyun. Causing him to chuckle.
“So, what would you like?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Could you make us two of your favorite dish, sir?”
“Okay. I just hope you like it…”
“Oh trust me, (Y/N) is not picky. As long as it’s edible, it’s okay.”
~thirty minutes later~
Changkyun had forgotten that the buses stopped at 4 a.m., meaning that you had to walk home. But thankfully, you had a friend that was still up who lived down the street from the restaurant. He drove you both back to your place, causing Changkyun to become jealous -that another boy knew where you lived, and that you knew where he lived. But you ignored his antics telling him that you needed him to stay quiet as you both got past the front door, and the guards sleeping on the sofa.
“You know, if your father saw this, he’d forget that we’re coming back in and focus on the point that the guys are sleeping on the job.” He pointed out as you closed the front door.
You had begun tiptoeing across the hardwood floor, careful not to step in the places that creek.
“Did you know, (y/n), Benji is an extremely heavy sleeper?”
And just like that. Changkyun stepped, and the floor yelped. Your heart sank to the floor as the color drained from your body. You rolled behind the couch, careful to make no noise, unlike somebody. Changkyun dipped behind the other one when he saw Benji wake up.
“CHANGKYUN! YOU IDIOT, YOU ALMOST GOT US CAUGHT! YOU JUST HAD TO TEST THAT THEORY, DIDN’T YOU?” You screamed at him through a whisper.
Before you could finish your sentence, you heard Benji cock his gun. You turned to Changkyun, and if looks could kill, there would never have been a trace of him left on the planet. You both stayed quiet as he moved around the living room. The scariest part was when you had to move around the couch as Benji looked behind them. After about two minutes of sheer terror, he went back to sleep.
Before you realized it, your body began making a quiet run for the stairs. Once you made it to your room, you unlocked the door with a hairpin you always kept in your pocket. You crashed on your bed when the door opened. You needed a nap.
“See baby, it wasn’t that bad.” Changkyun teased as he closed the door.
You looked at him and jumped, grabbing his arms and throwing him onto your bed.
“Don’t ever do something that stupid again.” You gripped his chin with urgency, “If I ever agree to sneak out with you again, and we come back home, follow me.”
“But you loved the food, am I right?” Changkyun smirked.
“…Shut up.”
“Then kiss me.”
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