#going back to my roots: incredibly low effort content | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kiribakuhappiness · 3 years

Note

How do you deal with the hate comments you get?? (Not that I think the last ask was particularly hate or anything) but I never see hate stuff on your blog or in your comment sections either. I feel like I see tend to get them a lot abd sometimes I don't know how to handle them :( love your work!!! Sorry if this is rude to ask...

Not rude at all - but there's a lot to unpack here, so I’m really sorry if I ramble or go off on a few tangents in my answer!

The short answer is: I don't deal with hate comments.

The medium answer is: It depends on the type of 'hate' that I’m receiving.

The longer answer is this:

I have been really lucky (I think) to have been able to grow a little community on this blog of similar, like-minded people who enjoy the same things that I do (Tsundere characters, characters that can help show more representation in the Alphabet Mafia community, dumb boys who deserve to just be dumb boys, etc). I've rarely received any hate comments since my time here on Tumblr, and I think there's a lot of reasons for this.

1.) If someone comes rearing into my Ask box just LOOKING for a fight (ie, random death threats from Anons, homophobic comments, an obvious attempt to bait me into some kind of long-winded debate, etc) I simply just do not deal with it. Those people (especially Anons) are just looking for a reaction out of you. They want you to get upset, to post some long rambling defense, to be snarky and rude back to them, that's what they want.

But at the end of the day, I don't owe any of them a response. Hell, I don't owe anyone a response if I don't want to answer something.

But I answer Asks because I like talking with people, and getting all amped up and excited over the same things, that's part of the fun of creating and sharing that creative work online and being an active part of the fandom. I LOVE hearing from the people that follow this blog (even if I don't always get the chance to respond to all of them) because I know that they're happy or excited enough to hit that Ask button and send me a message, and that makes me feel good to know that I was able to get them so pumped up!

But those Anons aren't looking for that kind of connection. Most of the time, they’re not even looking to have a mature discussion, even if that’s how they come across at first. They're looking to hurt. To ridicule and make fun of, to make me and my followers feel bad or low. And, most of the time, the people who are sending that hate are young. So young. Like... way younger than what you might be picturing in your head right now.

So when I get the really bad hate - the hate that makes your skin feel hot, the hate that spikes your blood pressure, the hate that makes you start typing in a blind rage because you want to hurt them just as much as they've just hurt you - then they've already won. And I'll be damned if I let myself be led by the hand right into a losing battle.

So I simply do not engage. I don't reply with some snarky comment thinking I'm oh-so clever, I don’t reply in a holier-than-thou manner because I think I’m just so much better than them, and I don't reply with a long rambling post about why they're wrong and why they're childish and why they're hateful because that in itself is a hateful act, and I have far more important things to be spending my time and my energy on than fighting with a random on the internet and fueling that (quite frankly, pointless) hatred.

When I don't respond, the anon grows bored. Why send hateful things into someone's Asks if they aren’t even going to showcase it to all of their loyal followers? The reason you don't see hate on this blog is because I simply do not allow them to sink their roots into this soil. I pull them out like weeds and refuse to let them grow here.

I also don't respond because, while I may be able to take a death threat or a homophobic slur with gritted teeth and a roll of the eyes and keep on going about my day, some of my followers may not be mentally or psychologically equipped to see such rude backlash. They range from pre-teens to adults, and when they choose to follow me and my blog, I see it as a responsibility on my end to shield them from that unnecessary hatred. There's no need for them to see such toxicity, and so I act as a stubborn guard blocking the front gates. This temple is for relaxation, for laughter and excitement and love, and I'll protect it until the day that I decide to send that last post and go off to do something else with my life.

2.) Another reason that I believe that I don’t get much hate on this blog is because I don’t cross-platform my content. Does this lower the visibility of my work? Sure. I don’t have a Twitter, or a Youtube, or a TikTok, or an Instagram. This blog is just that - this blog on Tumblr, with a link to my AO3 for my writing. And while that limits my audience and perhaps bottlenecks my views, the safeguard it brings from distancing from toxic mindsets that tend to leak into the more problematic social media sites is well worth it, in my opinion.

I don’t write these stories for kudos and hits. I don’t write these stories to push out as much content as possible, to gain a following as quickly as I can, to reach the entirety of the fandom. I don’t want that. I want to write stories to get better at writing, I want to write about the boys because I crave more gay representation and quite frankly I am obsessed with Bakugou as a character and how much fun it is to write from a Tsundere mindset.

If other people happen to find my work and they like it too, then that’s so awesome! But the extent of my dedication to this blog is just that, my own dedication to something I love and something that brings me joy.

3.) The final reason that I think why I don’t get a lot of hate comments or hurtful asks is because I put a lot of pride and effort into my fics. When I write a piece of work that contains heavy levels of smut, I work really hard to make them realistic, to make the characters motives and emotions clear and concise, to showcase a healthy depiction of what it means to be sexually attracted to and/or engage in sexual activity with someone that a person cares very deeply about.

I see a lot of smut centered around the bnha fandom, and there’s nothing particularly wrong with that, in my opinion, but sometimes I do see things that I personally feel are a little tactless. They’re not handled well, or they promote toxic behaviors, or it really is incredibly self-indulgent and sometimes grossly ignorant.

However, just like with the hate that I sporadically receive in my Asks, it’s of my own personal belief that if I see something I don’t like or don’t agree with on the internet, then I simply do not engage with it. I don’t give it the attention that it so desperately wants to get out of people, I don’t give it a platform to grow on, I refuse to allow it to think that it has the upper hand anywhere in the situation.

I am entirely in control of the things that I promote on this blog, and I take that responsibility very seriously. It’s why I refuse to reblog art if it’s so obviously not being posted by the original artist (there are SEVERAL kiribaku blogs I have seen gaining popularity recently that simply post art from other artists without any credits or any permission). I have even seen several of my own mutuals reblogging art from those particular blogs, and so I find it incredibly important to be diligent in which accounts I reblog art from.

That being said - I’m not perfect. I’m a human being behind this account, a singular entity the runs the entirety of this blog, ever growing and learning and working every day to be better than I was the day before, and sometimes I make mistakes.

Sometimes I reblog stolen art, and need a follower to nudge me in my inbox and let me know that it’s stolen and where to find the original art, so that I can take the responsibility of deleting the stolen post and reblogging the original content to show support for the original artist. Sometimes I write something in a fic that (to me, from my own experiences) I might not consider to be harmful or inappropriate, but that might be damaging in a way that I may have never considered before because I had grown so used to receiving that kind of treatment myself that I fail to see its toxicity on my own, and so when people come to me with genuinely helpful constructive criticism, I feel it is my duty as a writer to be level-headed and humble enough to admit that perhaps what I have grown so accustomed to is just that - behavior I’ve simply grown accustomed to - and to then take a good hard look at that example and make a decision about whether I want to change it or not.

The important thing to remember is that we’re all entitled to our own opinions and feelings, but that we’re also individually responsible for the way that we react to these types of circumstances.

Becoming defensive, becoming enraged, becoming aggressive, becoming jaded - these things don’t do anything but make a situation worse.

That’s why I love Bakugou so. fucking. much. He IS all of those things. Defensive. Easy to anger. Inherently aggressive. And Horikoshi is teaching him through many trials and errors why those types of behaviors will be his inevitable downfall, why falling into the pit of ‘you hurt me, so I must hurt you back’ leads only to repeated failure and internal anguish, why you will forever be forced to run in place and can never continue to grow and move forward if you’re so busy ignoring the reality that we are all humans, that we are all flawed, that we all experience the same emotions, even if we don’t agree with them or think that they’re justified.

The reason I love Bakugou’s character so much is because he is so deeply flawed, he is told time and time again that he is the epitome of a villain, and yet he refuses to accept that. He refuses to believe that he is anything other than the greatest hero-to-be, and he’ll push his bruised ego and damaged pride aside time and time again to relearn what has already been so solidly ingrained into his being, to continuously be watching and listening and learning while still whole-heartedly remaining unabashedly true to himself, to know that he came to this amazing hero school and is being taught by these incredible heroes “not to learn what he can do, but to learn what he can’t do.”

So, to wrap up this entirely incoherent rambling mess of a response that you no doubt didn’t care to read about, I deal with hate the same way that I deal with everything else; circumstantially, and with as much empathy as I can possibly muster.

If it’s random hate just looking for attention and wanting to hurt, I refuse to give them a stable platform to stand on or an audience to be subjected to. I force them to go somewhere else, cause it’s no fun to hit someone over and over again who refuses to ever hit back. If it’s in regards to my fics, I think I work really hard to provide healthy representation work for this fandom, to showcase the characters in not only challenging situations but also how they can realistically overcome them, and to create an environment where love can be seen as just that, love.

Whether it’s with Bakugou and Kirishima learning how to recognize their own weaknesses and become better people because of them, or whether it’s with Bakugou and Hikaru discovering that experiencing love and relenting in trust doesn’t make them weak but in fact makes them infinitely stronger than they will ever consciously realize, the end result is always the same. I just want to share stories, hopefully ones with positive messages, that make people feel things and maybe might teach them a lesson or two along the way.

I hope this somewhat answered your question anon! Sorry it’s so long and jumbled but is anyone really surprised anymore? When you ask me a question like this, just know I am always going to go off on a long tangent :,D

If you’re ever experiencing a situation where you feel harassed or unsafe or you want advice on how to properly handle a situation, please feel free to reach out to me, and we can work together to try and come up with a mature, responsible solution!

Happy reading!! xx

#dealing with hate #there I go rambling again oops sorry ahaha #personal #asks

25 notes · View notes

springalwayscomes · 4 years

Text

Fear - You’re my tear

Plot: Cursed and condemned, he couldn’t do anything else but take lives and souls away, killing them with their deepest fear. With her though, it didn’t seem to work. Was she even scared of something?

Pairing: Kuchisake-onna Namjoon x Reader

Genre: Horror, Suspence, Supernatural, Dramatic

Wordcount: 11k

Content Warning: (Unedited), mature themes, mentions of death, minor character death, mentions of suicide, major character death

Author’s Note: Hi everyone, here is my Halloween fanfic. Hopefully you’ll like it, it’s my first time writing something like this so please let me know what you think. I literally just finished writing it because I was late, so I already apologize if you’ll find any mistakes, it’s two in the morning and I’m a little bit dried out since I’ve been writing the whole day, also please remeber my native language is not English. Oh, and thank you again for all the notes that “How you say is receiving, it means a lot to know you like what I write:)

It started on a Monday night. It was one of the crispiest things you’ve ever seen, literally the creepier.

The odd dead silence was not far away from the death itself, waiting just a few blocks away. The streets were strangely empty, the darkness heaving over your body at every step you take and the shuddering feeling of something waiting for you just behind every corner. That was alone enough to make you speed up on your way home.

Your high heels ticking on the sideway with every step, the empty cold air only filled with the sound of your weight on the ground. It was taking you every single part of your toughness to not start running on the streets. You kept telling yourself it was nothing, really, it’s nothing.

Something was wrong, and you knew it. Every inch you were exceeding seemed to scream it even more, louder and louder and louder in your mind. You just kept walking. You walked and walked, you walked until you reached that damn block of yours. Then, your steps came to an end. Coming from in front of you, in the endless sea of dark, you heard something. Someone. Sobs? No, it sounded different. It was different.

“Please” it was barely audible, but you heard it. The plead was coming from a man, but it definitely didn’t sound good. His voice was broken, desperate. As if he was begging for something bigger than himself, as if that plead could only mean he was going to face the end. He was begging for his life, you understood it in a second as you stood still in your place, facing just the shadows in the dark. Probably, the easiest thing to do could’ve been to run away, run as fast as you could and pray you’d never run into whatever - or whoever - was just a few steps away from you; in fact it would have been the easiest thing to do. That thing still didn’t see you and you would’ve made it to your friend’s house just a few blocks away without having to face what would come next.

But your feet were still, as if someone had make them a unique piece with the ground, your knees were made of jelly. Your heart beating so loud in your ears that it made you shut your eyes close and pray to dissolve into a little speck of dust in the air. The silence that followed was almost unrealistic, totally unrealistic. Until you heard something.

Your eyes shot open in a second, scanning every single shadow in front of you until your sight actually grew more comfortable with your surroundings. A tree. A bin. A car. Another car. A bush. Another bin... on the ground. That was the something you heard. A freaking bin, probably already on the floor in the middle of the street when you turned the corner and scaring the freaking hell out of you because of the wind moving it on the ground.

You took a deep breath, you needed to move. What were you goin to do, stay still in the middle of the street for the whole night? Just move, you told yourself. And you did, slowly and carefully, already reaching for the pocket of your coat to turn the flashlight of your phone on and light your way until the door of your house. It was nothing, your daydreamer brain made you think you heard something else, but it wasn’t here. It wasn’t-

A dead body. A freaking dead body in the middle of the street. A dead man, that in the darkness you though was a bin.

Your breath got stuck, your eyes as big as two windows, heart beating so loud and so much adrenaline pumping through your veins that you though you were about to have an heart attack.

The man moved. Just a movement, the littlest one, if you probably weren’t already looking at him and your senses weren’t so vigilant you wouldn’t even notice. Everything seemed to slow down, from your surroundings to your brain, even your actions as you mindlessly stepped forward. Your body acted without your lead, your mind blank and full at the same time. One step, two step, three steps.

Every single one resembled more and more to death itself, not only a dead body. It was creepy and incredibly childish to think, but it didn’t feel like standing just in front of a dead body, every inch closer you’d get seemed to be like facing the death itself. Your breath seemed to get stuck in your throat, it was like some kind of unknown negative energy was vacuuming it from you, and with it, every part of your common sense.

The man moved again, and now that you were closer than before, your heart stopped beating for a second or two. You expected him to look as if someone just attacked him, but nothing seemed to be wrong with him. He would’ve been fourty, maybe fourty five, and he was laying down in the middle of the street with his body totally sprawled over the cold ground, legs open and arms stretched, resembling the shape of a starfish.

His body was almost white, so pale it made you think he was dying of hypothermia, eyes shut. You weren’t even sure if he was breathing anymore, if he was alive. All those jerked movements, you couldn’t explain them. He just didn’t seem alive anymore.

Something cracked behind you, a twig maybe. That was all you needed to stop walking, standing still as a statue and deadly scared to turn around and take a look at the dark street. Even the flashlight of your phone seemed somber now, still pointing at the dead body in front of you.

Another crack, it made your back shudder. Whatever was behind you, was getting closer and closer, and you were doing nothing, completely still and locked in place almost as the pale man on the ground. It made you ask yourself if you were about to end like him, it made the hair at the back of your skull stand on end. There was this overwhelming feeling treading you, you desperately wanted to run, but your feet didn’t seem to have enough strength to support your body, not even for a step.

The wind whistled, low and soft, almost an oxymoron compared to the way your heart was beating in your ears, it caressed your neck, goosebumps already creating on your skin. Then, the man opened his eyes, fast and viciously as if he wasn’t anymore human.

“Don’t look”

Too late, too, too late.

Something grabbed your shoulder, harsh and strong, tugging at the material of your coat until you totally turned. The dark you were facing suddenly dissolved, the light coming from your phone instantly lighting the new shape in front of you, holding on you shoulder so fiercely that it made you stiff even more.

“Do you think I’m beautiful?”

Low, husky voice complementing two dark eyes, staring into yours and making you feel like he was staring right into your soul, reading you over and over again. The combination of his words and his deep gaze seemed to hypnotize you to the point you couldn’t even hold back your words. You felt drunk, not having power over your body and actions anymore.

“Yes”

The man behind you mumbled something trying to move feverishly onto the ground, but you didn’t turn or put effort in trying to understand him, the rustling of his clothes on the ground died in a dreading silence. You didn’t move, totally lost in his eyes staring into yours as if he was looking for something, searching into your deepest thoughts. His irises seemed to shine and sparkle even in the dark, only lighted up by the mild flashlight of your phone still in your hand. The man kept you well grounded to him, there wasn’t a single second you didn’t feel his hold on you, your heart still beating a maddening pace and the dread making its way through your blood, circling in your veins and taking over every single part of you. Still, you didn’t move. You couldn’t even think of it. He kept you close, not only physically. It was like his mind controlled you, telling you to stay still and silently suffer.

His eyes scanned every part of your face, and that was the moment you realized they didn’t seem so secure anymore, the hold he had before on your mind loosening up a bit. Your eyes left his, observing and taking in every part of his face. Yellowish skin, a beautiful little nose, big, pulpy lips, a mole just under them. His hold on your mind had loosened up, but the sight of him made you feel even more stiff than you were before. It got your breath stuck, feet still on the ground as if they were roots of trees. His eyes caressed every part of your face, there’s not a single feature that didn’t meet his gentle sight.

“Do you still think I’m beautiful?”

“Yes” is all you blurted out. A second later he was staring at you as if he was waiting for some kind of reaction. Something, literally anything to happen. But nothing, not even a thing.

The silence filled the street again, his eyes glued on your face. The man puffed, taking a step towards you and closing the distance between you two until you were totally pressed against him. He seemed nervous now, a weird flicker of something you couldn’t quite grab sparkling in his eyes.

“What...” his hand dropped from your shoulder and your skin reacted at the loss almost immediately, shivering even though it was covered by the coat. His eyes still looking into yours, shifting from time to time to look at your features as if he was really searching for something.

“What are you?”

His words left you stuttered, finally bringing you back to normality, and it all stroke through you in a second: the corpse behind you, the odd and creepy man staring into your eyes for all this time, his words. Everything seemed to be incredibly out of place, almost surrealistic.

“What? Who are you?” your voice finally came back, your knees were still made of jelly but you forced yourself to ward off from him, stumbling and almost tripping. You stared at him with your eyes wide, for who knows why still waiting for him to answer you or do something, instead of running away. The man licked his lips, he seemed so absorbed in his own thoughts that for a moment you thought he didn’t even heard you, but when he raised his sight onto your face, you knew he did. You knew it, his gaze compleately lost.

“Why aren’t you scared of me?”

“I am” you bursted out, not even a second later his sentence. The man opened his mouth, probably trying to find something to say, his expression totally blank. He looked like he had just seen a ghost, and the fact that he didn’t even care about the man behind you made you harshly gulp and shudder.

“You’re not scared of me” he whispered this time. You weren’t sure if it was right to tell him again he was scaring the hell out of you and increase his willing to do whatever he wanted to do, you weren’t even sure why you kept standing still when you could’ve just run away.

“What do you see?”

His question at this point made you even more nervous, it was just the cherry on top. You felt dizzy, lightheaded and overwhelmed by all of the adrenaline and fearful blood running through your veins, so much it made you feel your eyelids heavy and your mind clouded. Your body was already weak and your trembling legs did nothing to support you. It took only a second, you were falling onto the ground, right next to the corpse of that poor man.

“Why didn’t it work?”

Black was all you could see. Dark, lightless, murky black. You were still weak, but you recognized the softness under your body as a bed, maybe a couch. With your mind still half empty, you moved on the pillows to get yourself more comfortable, fixing your head on a pillow firmer than the others.

“Why?”

Your eyes shot open not even in the blink of an eye, expecting to see the white ceiling of your room but instead meeting two dark eyes looking at you. Close to your face, as if whoever whose eyes were was trying to analyze you. The images of what happened earlier hit you all at once, making you stiff and feel self conscious all of a sudden, nausea already takin over you. Your breath got stuck as you didn’t dare to move, waiting for the man to ward off only to realize a few seconds later that you were laying with your head on his tigh. Saying that you were panicking in your head was an euphemism: you were about to have a break down. The shock of the dead man you saw before, laying on the cold ground, pale and whining was already too much too take, and the fact that who could have killed was with you, standing so close was definitely the last step you need to take to face mental illness.

“Are you scared of me?”

The same question, again. The way he was looking at you, not even blinking was making it all even worse. You were treaded, literally.

“Answer me”

“Yes” you didn’t even recognize your voice, lower than you remembered and huskier. The man stared at you for a few more seconds, the silence only accentuating the sound of your heart beating in your ears.

“You’re not,” he snorted “you’re not scared of what you have to be scared”

His words left you stuttered, but you didn’t dare to say anything. You thought it was just better to not bust his confidence into telling him he was really making you scared. Where were you? You desperately wanted to know, but looking away from his eyes was too much of an action to take, you were afraid it would have led him to do something you weren’t ready for.

His eyes were eating you alive, devouring every feature of yours as if he was trying hard to imprint you in his mind, lips agape and jaw slightly stretched forward. Your sight slowly went lower, as if a too abrupt shift would have make him burst out, caressing his yellowish skin and every feature of his, his thick plump lips were the aim of your journey. Looking so soft and attractive, the feeling of having them so close to your face made you gulp and hold back a whine. It was both making you flustered, and you weren’t even sure what was the reason behind it, if his handsome face or the fear you had of him.

His jaw stretched even more forward as he hallowed his cheeks for a second or two.

“What’s so different with you?” he asked, low pitched tone and eyes lost as he kept looking at your face. His words didn’t absolutely make sense, nothing of this situation made sense. The silence that fill the air right after made you realize how much tired you were, yawning and feeling your eyelids heavy once more. With the long day of work you had and the dreading experience on your way back home, your mind needed to recover just as much as your body, and soon enough you were already fighting against your sleepiness, scared as hell of what would have happen to you if you’d close your eyes. Still, the handsome man looking at you didn’t do or say anything about it. Seconds became minutes, from five to ten, from ten to twenty, you lost your count at the twenty second one, your mind not able to hold back the tiredness anymore.

“Are you even scared of something?” that was the last thing you heard before you drifted asleep, words already blurring and losing their meaning inside your mind at the same time as they were spoken.

It all looked so different in the morning that you thought it was all just a dream, some kind of strange result from all the stress your job was giving you. You were in your room, quiet and peaceful, without odd mans trying to scare you or dead bodies waiting for you in the next corner. Everything was back to normal, not even a single hint of what happened last night. Maybe it was really a dream, more like a nightmare.

You thought about it for the next twenty minutes, laying still in your bed and facing the ceiling with the same blank expression of the beautiful man in your dream, you couldn’t wrap your head around the fact you just made all up. It seemed too real to be just a result of your imagination, too much. The feeling of your weak knees was too real, your heavy eyelids as you fainted to the ground, the look in his eyes.

Your phone buzzing snapped you out of your trance, realizing only now you were desperately late for work.

The message of your friend and coworker lighting up the screen:

Where are you? Boss wants you in ten minutes in his office but I didn’t see you come this morning. Are you sick? Can I get you something?

Shit, you were fucked.

The traffic of Seoul was the worst, definitely. Especially when you were late, people seemed to enjoy to slow down your way to work, really. You ended up arriving even later, missing the appointment of your boss in his office and having to call him to advert him, when you arrived under your office the streets were empty and cold. It made you shiver and remember what happened not even twelve hours before. Was it sick to think of it as reality, when in fact it wasn’t?

Uh, never mind, you didn’t have time for this.

You speeded your steps up as much as you could, entering the hall and running to the elevator. You placed your things on your desk the very first step you took in your office, and ran back to the elevator in a matter of seconds. You hoped your boss wasn’t angry, you really hoped it. Everything you didn’t need was having him angry at you, after all the efforts you were putting into this job.

The elevator doors opened and you exhaled a deep breath of relief when you realized it was empty, only waiting for you to take it. Finally, something going in the right way.

45, that was the floor. You waited the doors to close again, eyes staring at them as they would’ve speed up under your burning gaze. When they did, you let yourself relax for the first time today. Now, you only needed to make it to your boss’ office. Your eyes went to the ground, staring at the black carpet and waiting for the endless journey of the elevator to come to an end. It was only a few floors higher than yours that you realized something was off.

No one entered the elevator with you, and you were sure about it. You watched the doors close, no one was there and no one was already in when you took it. So why where you hearing a breath that wasn’t yours? Living your eyes from the ground seemed suddenly to dreading, but you didn’t have any other choice.

Slowly, your head stretched up, revealing the figure of a man standing right at the side of you at every inch your eyes got up. When you arrived at his shoulders you weren’t sure anymore if you wanted to see who he was.

“Do you think I’m beautiful?”

Not again. You were sure you weren’t dreaming this time, you definitely weren’t. How did he came in without having you see him? Who was him? Was he following you? Did he hide himself and spend the night at your place?

“Do you?”

Your head shot up, finally affronting his face. He was even more beautiful than you remembered, almost seemed ethereal with his sparkly dark eyes and thick, plump lips. Still, the feeling he was making you feel we’re far from ethereal.

“What do you want from me? Did you follow me?” your words sounded choked out, shaky voice as you kept your eyes on him, afraid if you’d looked away he would disappear. He shook his head.

“Not actually,” he took a step forward “I just need you to answer me”

“I’m not going to answer you,” you bursted out “you need to get out. Now, or I’m gonna call the security”

You weren’t sure where all of that boldness was coming from, but he was seriously scaring you, at this point what were you supposed to do?

“Suit yourself” he smiled at you, revealing two dimples that made him look even cuter. His face seemed to shine brighter with the new accessory on his cheeks, it made you hold your breath for a second or two.

“Alright, then”

It took you a second, you called the secretary in front of him, asking her to send the security at the very last floor, ready to take him at the very first step he was about to take out of the elevator. He wasn’t even allowed to be inside the office without an appointment, especially at the boss’ floor.

His eyes never left you, admiring every movement and every feature of you just like he did last night, because at this point you knew you didn’t imagined it all. It was like he was trying to understand you, studying you and memorizing everything, it made you shudder and keep your gaze on your image in the mirror, hoping not to meet his.

He let out a deep breath, as if he was giving up to his own thoughts.

“It doesn’t make sense” he breathed out, almost whispering to himself.

“Why can’t you see me?” this time, he was asking you again. And as much as you preferred to stay in silence and keep your conversation at the minimum until the security would’ve take him, his gaze was making you uneasy.

“I can see you” you spelled out. The man scoffed, lowering his head for a moment and making you realize only now how much taller he was compared to you.

“You can’t see what others see, what you’re supposed to”

This sentence, almost the same as last night made you keep your mouth shut until you reached the last floor. Your heart was beating so loud in your ear that when the elevator bell chimed you only heard a muffled shrill sound. Your hands were sweating, desperately hoping to find the guards standing already in front of you. When you did, you let out a deep breath of relief.

“What’s the problem, Y/N?”

One of them, Jungkook - a friend of yours too - kept his gaze into yours without even looking to the man, following you out of the elevator.

“This man,” you pointed to the unknown stranger “he followed me here, he can’t stay here without permission” you stated, eyes flicking from time to time to Jungkook’s face. His eyebrows were furrowed, looking at you as if you had a third eye, lips agape and eyes narrowed. In comparison, your stalker seemed to enjoy the show, smiling wide at you as if he knew already he was going to win, the two dimples at the side of his cheeks framing his cute face but making you shudder.

“What are you talking about?” Jungkook shook his head.

“You need to kick him out”

The other guard took a step forward, staring at you for a second or two and making you feel self conscious and then shifting his gaze elsewhere in the hallway, his gaze met with everything as if he was searching something, it took him almost twenty seconds to meet the eyes of the man following you, just to surpass them not even one later.

It was like he didn’t see him.

“Who do I have to kick out?” Jungkook asked once more.

“Him! He’s been following me since yesterday!” you pointed the man again, desperate to obtain some kind of reaction, but Jungkook and the other guard simply shook their head, staring at your finger in the air, gaze making holes into the body of your stalker.

“Y/N, no one is here,” Jungkook raised his eyebrows at you “are you sure you’re okay?”

You froze in place, literally hoping that now you were dreaming. He was here, standing right beside you. You could feel his scent, hear his steps tick on the ground as he walked, hear his voice, his breath. He was here, he was real. What the hell was happening? Was this all some kind of stupid joke?

“He is here!” you pointed the air again, dread invading every single part of your body. Jungkook shook his head again, looking at you with furrowed brows and pity eyes.

“Y/N, I’m telling you there’s no one here. You should go home and rest, I can give you a ride? Take your-”

“I’m not going home, I’ve only just arrived, I have to work.” you cut him off. Keeping your gaze into Jungkook’s you asked yourself if this was really the right decision. Maybe he was right, maybe if you took some rest this would’ve go away, maybe you were just tired.

He is not here, he is not here.

“Are you sure?” he asked again. The guard behind him kindly smiled at you as you never dared to look an inch away form Jungkook’s eyes. Were you going out of your mind all of a sudden? And if he wasn’t real, was the body you say yesterday night fake too? All an imagination, everything made only of dreams?

“I am” you stated, not even sure of what you were saying. Your friend unwillingly smiled, offering to walk you to your boss’s office while his coworker went back to where they came from. You kept your gaze in front of you all the time, hoping to never meet the eyes of the one that was dreading you so much, but you heard him. You could hear every step he was taking, every breath he was exhaling, the sound that his jeans were making as his legs rubbed with each other.

Still, you told yourself to stay calm and handle the situation without panicking; ones you, it was just a mask. How couldn’t someone freak out in a similar situation? You were sure you weren’t going out of your mind, but you were also sure about how Jungkook took seriously his job, how the security was so important in your office. It couldn’t be a prank, definitely. It wasn’t.

When the door of your boss opened and Jungkook smiled again at you as a goodbye, you felt the hair at the back of your head stand, suddenly more insecure about your actions as you entered the room and greeted your superior. The door closed behind you quickly, but not quickly enough. The man came in with you, sitting on one of the chairs in front of the desk and making you gulp harshly as he turned his head to you and smiled. If the situation was different, and you weren’t freaking out, if everyone could see him, you’d spend time looking at him, taking in the sight of his thick lips and his dark hair.

“Please, sit down” your boss smiled at you, unaware of the presence in his studio as he took place behind the desk. You’re sure your blood stopped circulating for a second, eyes shifting from the empty chair to the next one where he was sitting.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” the voice of your boss made you shut your eyes. You took a deep breath, calming yourself down and hoping to be out of this place as fast as you could.

“Yes, sir” and then, you were sitting on that damn chair, right beside him, feeling his gaze over you as your boss rummaged through some folders and scolded you for being late. Your mind was totally elsewhere, not even listening to him as you felt your skin burn under the persistence of those eyes. If he wasn’t real, how come all of this feelings were? What were you even scared of if he was just in your imagination? He didn’t have any power over you, unless you let him. Right?

“What are you thinking?”

His voice muffled the one of your boss and your head turned in the blink of an eye to your right, only then realizing you shouldn’t have done it. When your gaze went back to the man behind the desk, it was like nothing happened for him, he still had his head bent down on the papers, looking for some documents.

“You want to get rid of me, right?” the man scoffed “You just have to tell me your deepest fear”

The words made you shudder, suddenly taken aback by the darkness of that sentence. It made the hamster in your head speed up his run on the wheel until you came to the conclusion that maybe he was a ghost. Why would your brain deliver this type of question during an appointment with your boss? It never did, luckily. He had to be some kind of negative energy.

“That’s all I want to know” he said again.

“What then?” you tried to sound as calm as you could, looking at your boss as he handed you two papers. The man at your side furrowed his eyebrows, a sparkle of desolation and sadness well hidden under those deep dark eyes lightning up, but you missed it. Your boss raised his eyebrows and answered your question as if it was for him.

“I’ll go away” his gaze was steady on the wall, fists closed.

You stayed silence for the rest of the time, and the man at your side too, listening to what your boss had to say as much as you could, given the fact you basically missed everything. Your brain was divided in two: half of it wanting to let go and tell him what he wanted to hear, really believing he’d maybe go away, the other half not really sure about it, panicking not knowing what to do. Everything you knew for now was that you wanted to go back home.

“Don’t you have a place to go? Somewhere else to be at?” he had been following you around for the whole day, and you were starting to loose your mind. The dread had slowly shifted to annoyance, having his eyes on you all the time and hearing him humming some unknown song was definitely something you didn’t need to work. His presence was making you feel self conscious and you hated it. “Someone else to haunt?” He scoffed, finally making you raise your head from the papers.

“It doesn’t work like that,” he shook his head “how do you know what I am?”

His eyes created holes in your face, the features of his face contracted in a serious expression. You shook your head.

“It’s the only way I can explain this” you muttered. The silence that took over the both of you after your sentence made you gulp, almost uncomfortable. “It’s impossible to loose my sanity in such a little amount of time, and why would I imagine something this creepy?” He smiled at your words, the dimples on his cheeks seemed as deep as the ocean.

“Creepy?”

“Yes, creepy. I hate this type of things” you were really stressed by the situation, and he realized it too, he guessed it from your hand gestures.

“Why would you want to know something like that, my deepest fear?”

Why were you even asking him? All that you knew since you were a little girl - the old saying that your mom would always tell you - was do not make deals with the devil, you could still hear her voice in your head as thought about it. Obviously, it was supposed to be intended in a different way, you never thought you would be having this conversation with a ghost.

“It doesn’t work like that either” he scoffed, shaking his head at you.

“Then tell, how is it supposed to work? Because I don’t think it’s going how you want it to go, either” you raised your eyebrows, looking straight deep into his irises. It made his dead cold heart skip a beat for some kind of reason.

“Trust me, I wouldn’t do this at all if I had any chance” he licked his lips. The sentence made him stiffen on the chair, loosing his gaze somewhere undefined on the white wall behind you. It made you stop your actions and take a better look at him. How old was he? You were sure he wasn’t even thirty, but maybe you were wrong. What did he mean?

“I have to” he breathed out, almost as still as a statue.

“You mean you haunt people but you don’t actually want to?” the skepticism in your voice could be heard even a mile away.

“Let go,” his eyes finally met yours “I’m not even sure why I’m telling you this.”

“Cause I asked you? It’s nice to be kind and answer” you scoffed him, already lowering your head back on the papers. “And couldn’t you quit? Like, dismiss from being a haunter and just, be a ghost?” your choice of words made him scoff again, amused maybe for the first time after a long time.

“Don’t you see “the light”? Movies talk about it continually” it was such a superficial thing to say, if you only knew what he had been through.

“You can’t quit from a curse” his words left his mouth so freely and quickly that even his eyes shot wide open, covering his mouth with his hand just a second later. The blood in your veins froze as you gazed at him again.

“A curse? You haunt people because you’re cursed?” at this point your shook literally skyrocketed. He seemed to loose up a little bit as he shifted uncomfortably on the chair trying to find a better position.

“Why would someone curse you?”

“Not me,” he scratched his chin “my whole lineage” his eyes met yours. It was so weird for him to talk about himself, to talk about this. He never opened up about it with anyone, so why was he doing it now? His point of view over his situation was simple: he had to do it, because he didn’t have any other choice. He was cursed, and nothing would ever change his faith. He had to do this for the rest of his life - death - and he hated it. So much.

“It happened a long time ago, it’s been centuries. I can’t do anything about it”

Why were you curious about something like this now? You had to work, you were running out of time and you had documents to study. When did the line blur? Was it normal that he didn’t scare you anymore? Seeing him staring at the wall with that lost eyes of his made all the fear disappear, as if you have started to think of him as harmless; or at least a part of you.

“That’s all you can tell?” you placed your elbows on the wooden desk, chin resting on your palms and eyes fixed on his face. The man narrowed his eyes, looking at you as if he was seeing you for the first time. The fact that you weren’t scared anymore made him both feel both thankful and fearful, no one has never been scared of him. He couldn’t tell if it was a good thing or a bad one. His spirit felt lighter, just for a few seconds, forgetting all the tears and darkness he caused around the world, al the lives and souls he was forced to take, all the energy he sucked. He felt good.

“Do you know Kuchisake-onna?” he raised his brows. When you nodded, he took a deep breath, still not sure of what he was putting himself into. “It’s a true story. Born in Japan, she was the wife of a Samurai, she was mutilated because he suspected her of cheating”

“I’m familiar with the story, it’s very well-known”

“You only know half” he shook his head, cocking an eyebrow. “What you don’t know is that his husband cursed her and all her bloodline, which wouldn’t have been a problem if she didn’t actually cheat on him and have already two kids. He went to war two years before and came back only a few months before, during that time she feel in love with another man.”

His gaze shifted to the ground, his tongue poking at his cheek for a few secomes as he ordered the right words to use in his mind. It was hard for him to talk about it, no one ever asked him and he always felt ashamed of talking about his nature.

“Her husband cursed her lineage, and then killed her, slitting her mouth from ear to ear. Her ghost is still haunting people, she never leaves. She’s still angry and looking for revenge, and the more her lineage grows, the more onryō are gonna-”

“So you’re her descent? How old are you?” you cut him off, eyes wide in shock and lips agape.

“I’m not her son, but I’m her descent. At the age of twenty-five - the age she was killed - whoever is part of her lineage receives the curse. You don’t have a life anymore, you only look for people to haunt, completely maneuvered by the curse. You’re not able to choose what you want to do anymore, all your life turns around it.”

“And you become a ghost?” you got up from your chair and walked around the desk, sitting on the edge right in front of him.

His eyes fixed into yours and you swore that for a moment they seemed even darker than they usually were, the shadow of sadness taking over them, and suddenly you needed to take a profound breath.

“You don’t,” he bit his lower lip “the curse doesn’t end with your life” his words were almost a whisper, so low and heavy that they made your shoulder drop. The silence filled the air, and as you looked at him you realized that you definitely weren’t scared anymore. Even though there were things you still didn’t understand, he could’ve never scare you now. Not when he seemed to be at his worst as he spoke about something this important, not when you were seeing the torment in his eyes.

“You’re...” your hand moved on its own, lifting in the air and reaching out to touch his face, stopping right in front of it, fingertips tickling. The man licked his lips, looking at you with a look you couldn’t quite explain. His hand reached out to touch yours, making you shiver for the coldness of his skin, totally frozen. He guided your hand to his cheek, holding his breath the very moment you touched him. The warmness that you radiated made his heart flutter, it reminded him of life, of his life. Lights, colors, emotions.

“You’re dead”

It was a whisper, but it sounded louder than bombs to him, crazy how just a little amount of hair and words can create such a big pain.

“I’d prefer to be called with my name” his eyes were closed as he inhaled the scent of your skin, your thumb involuntarily caressing his soft cheek. Your hand was freezing, but you didn’t really care. Not now, when it seemed like you were the one reading him like an open book for the first time.

“What is it?”

“Kim Namjoon”

Your thumb stopped moving, and you didn’t know what it was inside of you that made you want to beg him to open his eyes, just to meet yours. You really didn’t know what it was, but when he did, you were sure your heart skipped a beat.

“Why did you die, Namjoon?”

The way he breathed in told you that nothing good would come out of this. He wasn’t used to talk about this, you could see it on his face, his features lost and broken and his body stiff again.

“I killed myself” he whispered. The room felt silent once again, his eyes glossy, filled with tears. You tried to imagine him committing such a serious action, how he must have felt. You couldn’t even picture it, it was too dark to even grope in the desperation of such a choice. “I never wanted this, I thought it would end”

“That’s why no one can see you” your whisper made him nod, but he stayed silent for a little. It had been so much since the last time he actually talked to someone, he wasn’t used to it. His skin was colder than usual for the pressure he felt, the nervousness that usually would make humans’ cheeks reddish was just making him colder than ice. Your hand was almost loosing its sensibility, but still, you left it on his cheek as you gave him the time he needed. Your heart weighted so much more than just an hour ago, it actually felt like it was grown a couple of sizes and was threatening the rest of your internal organs to crush them.

“With time, the curse evolved” his low voice resonated in the whole room, and you wondered if maybe someone heard something, maybe a strange vibration.

“Before, the cursed ones used to go around killing people with a sword, slitting their mouths from ear to ear just like she was killed, but now-” he abruptly cuts himself off, eyes shifting uncomfortably on your face. Your breath got stuck as you realized how his sentence was going to end. Namjoon’s hand stayed over yours when you tried to push it away from his cheek.

“Please, don’t” was all he said, making you stop your fight. Why you surrounded so easily, you didn’t know.

“Say it” He gulped, biting his lips again.

“We can feel their deepest fear and kill people with them. You can actually see who’s still alive but is cursed, but you see him as his normal shape. Only the haunted can see them as their deepest fear”

“How do you choose who to haunt?”

“We don’t. The curse does it all” he shook his head.

“Why can’t you feel what I’m scared of?” the questions were coming out on their own now, totally lost in the biggest mess you’ve ever witnessed. Namjoon shook his head once more, resting his eyes into yours, the way he looked at you with such depth and the coldness radiating from his skin both made you shudder.

“I don’t know,” his hand squeezed yours “I guess you don’t know either. I can’t feel anything” Your heart skipped a few beats as he let out a deep breath and bought your hand and his in front of his face.

“You’re freezing”

“I don’t care” you muttered. His eyes quickly shifted to yours at your answer but went back to your hands together a second later, his head lowered until his lips were just a few inches away from your skin. The cold breath he released after on your skin made you more frozen than before, but the way he was trying to take care of you made you keep your mouth shut. The memory of your dad doing the same thing with your mother once replayed in your head, making you stiff and shift uncomfortable on the edge of the desk.

“What happens, then?” you asked. Both of his hands covered yours, rubbing trying to warm you up a little bit.

“Nothing, I can’t do anything. We haunt until death, we can’t move forward if we-”

“Are you going to kill me too?” the way you let those words out made his heart even heavier, desperate to answer a no in which he could’ve believe in.

“I hope you’re really afraid of nothing” he whispered, contemplating your face. Namjoon didn’t say it, but he liked the way you were looking at him; fearless, inquisitive, curious to know more. For the first time, he felt alive again under your touch, even though now it wasn’t warm anymore.

“Couldn’t you at least go out as I change?” your voice was both soaked with amusement and annoyance, just as much as the towel wrapped around your body. Namjoon’s smile was never this wide, giving birth to those deep cute dimples you’ve grown used to in all these days. It had been a while since the day he told you who he really was, you’ve ended up growing closer to him and even starting to know him better. He didn’t need to eat and neither to sleep, his body wasn’t made for those things anymore, never tired or needing protein or things like calories. As for his mind, well, that was a different story.

Namjoon was starting to feel lighter the more the days passed, not having to kill anyone and steal other souls away was making him feel just a little bit more himself again, back to when he wasn’t cursed and was living a normal life with big dreams. Obviously, he couldn’t dream of them anymore, but your presence seemed enough. A part of him couldn’t stop reminding him that he was doing nothing different than usual; he was haunting you, and the fact that that damn curse kept on attracting him to you only boosted up his thoughts. Still, every time he’d see your face while sleeping, lightly snoring, or the shadow of a smile create on it, all the darkness and negativity surrounding him seemed to disappear.

“As you say,” he got up from the armchair at the corner of your bedroom, glancing at you with a playful smile “but if the curse attracts me back in you know it’s not my fault” and with that, he closed the door behind him.

It was so refreshing to see him smiling like that that your heart skipped a beat as you thought about it one more time. He made your days brighter, and you seemed to appreciate it even more because he was surrounded by the shadows. Seeing him joyful and happy made you feel a better person, especially knowing what he had been through.

Sometimes the thoughts about that damn curse took over the both of you, but one of the two of you would always try to feel the other one better: thinking about it was useless. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, and you both knew it. Still, sometimes you would fall asleep and wake up the next day afraid of having fear of something, afraid of fear itself. Everyday you would wake up with your chest heavier, looking around and searching for Namjoon, but you’d always find him on that armchair, reading a book or watching you while you were sleeping. You swore if he was alive he’d have his cheeks reddish every morning, embarrassed for being caught staring.

“Come in” you called out. The door cracked open, his tall figure already making his way into your room. It was normal, by now.

“Aren’t you going to eat?”

“I need to dry my hair first” you answered as you went back to the bathroom to take the hairdryer. Namjoon sat at his usual spot as he waited for you to come back, eyes fixed on your figure when you entered the room once more with the object in your hands. He loved the way your cheeks would become red under his dark gaze.

You stilled in front of the mirror, turning the hairdryer on and brushing your hair as if you were alone. Truth is, even though you were used to his presence, the way he’d stare at you would always make you feel a little bit self conscious. Your heart would skip a beat from time to time, cheeks turning slightly red as if you still were a teenager. Namjoon just kept hoping you were really fearful, because the day you’d recognize your deepest fear, all of this would come to an end. And god sake, he really didn’t want it to end.

His heart was feeling something for the very first time, he could discern happiness and excitement every time you would say or do something that would make him fall more for you, he could feel something different than desperation because of you. He just wanted everything to stay like it was, it felt like heaven to him.

The sound of the hairdryer was making him nuts and the fact that your hair would cover all of your face without letting him watch you was even worse, so he decided to shift place. Sitting on the edge of your bag, right behind you, he watched your face contracted in an annoyed expression as you tried to brush the knot in your hair. Your flustered face and gaze so focused you didn’t even notice him behind you.

“I can help you” he poked at your shoulder, making you whimper and shiver. Sometimes he’d forget that his body was so much colder than yours, he never had to pay attention to it before you.

“What?” you screamed over the noise that the hairdryer was making. Namjoon wrinkled his nose as he stretched out, taking it from your hand and making you shudder one more time. You watched him turn it off, placing it on the desk in front of you and then reaching out to take the hairbrush from your hands.

“Let me help you” was all he said, sitting back on your bed and taking the strand of your hair with the knot in his hands. He brushed them slowly, his long fingers untangling the knots when the brush wouldn’t seem to be enough. You liked to feel him like this, this close. And there was no point in denying he liked it too, so much that when your hair were untied he kept on brushing them for a few minutes, making you close your eyes and enjoy the comforting caresses of the brusher. The silence that was filling the room wasn’t uncomfortable at all, but when Namjoon started to hum a song you couldn’t recognize, the air seemed even lighter.

“Joon?” your voice was lower than usual, totally relaxed. He hummed in response. “Use your fingers”

Not needing to tell him twice, his hand let go of the brush just to do the same as before. The softness of your hair made him smile, the scent of the shampoo you loved that usually would cover your pillows right under his nose.

“Is it okay?” his husky tone sent a shudder right through your spine. He watched you bring your hands on both of your arms, trying to warm your body up a little bit.

“More than okay”

“I think I’m falling for you” Namjoon said, blunt and frank. Looking straight deep into his eyes, he shook his head once more. This was not going to work. When did he even cross the line? Was he really falling that hard that the only thing he could think about was to tell you? He couldn’t give what you needed, and he knew it. God, sure he knew it. But the more he spend ed time with you the more he seemed to feel healed, almost as reborn, and you were the source of all of these. These feelings he was witnessing right now, even the stress of telling something like that to you. What if you really were afraid of nothing? What if you didn’t felt the same? What would’ve happened then? He was going to live the rest of his time with you, regretting the decision he took. Was this really the right thing to do?

“I think I’m-”

The sound of the door of your apartment being open made him shut up instantly, his shaky hands falling at his sides seemed to be a joke, considering the fact he had the same temperature of a block of ice. A feeling of death suddenly filled all of his body, the same as when he was about to take a life away, another soul to put into his bag of darkness. A second later, it was gone, totally, almost as if it had never been there.

“Bedroom” he could hear your voice even from downstairs, your steps rushing to enter the house as you would-

More than one person. You had someone over and apparently from what you just said and the sounds he was hearing, it wasn’t just a friend. The sounds of kissing he was hearing made his heart sink in his chest as he rushed out of your bedroom to avoid you. You knew he was at home, why didn’t you at least warn him? He didn’t even know you had a boyfriend, you never talked about it with him.

Namjoon ended up spending an hour in the bathroom at the end of the hallway, trying his best to not hear the sounds coming from your bedroom.

Saying that he was broken was an euphemism. He could’ve felt as much weight as all the love he felt for you on his shoulders, but this time it was desperation. Desperate, because he had believed in something again, when he clearly couldn’t have that kind of luxury. Believe in something, anything, dreaming was not part of his world. He should’ve known it by now. It would’ve ended in the wrong way nonethless.

What could he ever give you, after all? He was dead, dead. He could’ve never touch you like the man who was touching you now - he loved you too much to risk something to happen -, even if he would’ve die once more just to do so. He could’ve never love you right, not promising a future, he was just supposed to haunt you. And once you would’ve known your deepest fear, then the end would come. For both of you, not only you. Taking your life away would’ve only meant killing the rest of himself with you. His hopes, believes, dreams, smiles, his energy. Everything that made him feel positive, joyful, happy, it was all coming from you. How could he survive to the eternity whit the weight of your life on his shoulders?

“Namjoon? I need to use the bathroom” your voice made him stiff as he bought his hands to his eyes, only now realizing of the wetness on his cheeks, tears making him sniffle. “Why are you even in the bathroom? You don’t-”

“All yours” his tall figure appeared in front of you in a second, opening the door and placing his gaze on your face for just a second. Still, you saw his glossy eyes and you grow heavier and heavier to the point of almost breaking out. He tried to walk away, but you stopped him with your body and pushed him inside the bathroom once more before shutting the door.

“What is happening?” you leaned your back on the wood, crossing your arms as you looked into his dark eyes.

“Nothing, don’t worry” his hand reaches out to hold the handle, but you blocked it with yours in his wrist. The goosebumps envading your skin and the way your teeth started chattering did nothing to make you move.

“Tell me” you whispered. Namjoon felt a lump in his throat.

“Who is he?”

“What?” you scoffed, raising your eyebrows. “Why do you care?” Namjoon’s face had never been more shocked in front of you, with his lips agape and his eyes wide. Were you really asking him?

“You really don’t get it...” he let his sentence fall into silence, fist closing at his sides. “Never mind, just give me a head-up next time you bring someone home”

“This is my house, Namjoon. I bring whoever I want whenever I want, and I don’t have to give you a head-up” those words felt so bitter on your tongue, the look on his face made your heart burst out in a desperate cry.

“You’re the one who’s barging in, you do it everyday”

You could swore on everything you had, you never felt more sorry and broke in your life, the look in eyes was enough to keep you sobbing for endless nights. His lost, dark eyes that you’ve grown to-

“Get out, I need to use the bathroom”

Namjoon was empty, totally. He felt dead again, and after all those time feeling alive, it hurt even more. His days were still, his nights were heavy. Staying on your roof just to avoid you, if he at least was able to ward off from you maybe it would have been easier. He couldn’t understand what happened, why would you said something like that. Did you really believe in all of that? Maybe you always felt that way, that was just the breaking point. He couldn’t wrap his head around it, and neither could you.

Suffocating your sobs with the pillow wasn’t enough anymore, the hole you felt in your chest was becoming bigger and bigger everyday. You never wanted to say those things, you never even thought about them as true, not even once. The look in his eyes was haunting your dreams just the same as his presence, making you start crying at night and wake up with your face swollen. It had been only a week, and you were already falling apart without him. How could you feel so empty without him? How could you feel so broken when you were the one who caused all of this? If only you didn’t-

”Don’t think about it” you whined out loud, sitting up on your bed once more.

The darkness of the sky made you hold your breath while you wondered how was it like to see the same sky everyday, for the rest of the eternity. Namjoon must’ve been tired, dried out.

Ten days, ten days without talking to each other, ten days without laughing, ten days without smiles for the both of you. It was becoming hard, so hard for you not to let go and search for him around the house. The curse kept on attracting him to you, so you knew he had to be somewhere, that made it all even worse.

Namjoon was starting to loose all of the reasons that were keeping him away from you, not even one mattered anymore. He didn’t like the way he was feeling, he didn’t like the darkness taking over him once more, not that he ever did. Having a taste of blissfulness after all the conflict in his life - death - and then having it ripped apart from your own hands, how was he supposed to stay away from you?

He wanted your smile back, his smile back. He wanted to make you laugh once more, make your cheeks turn red, untie your knots, help you cook. If only he was human, all of this would’ve been easier.

It was the tenth night when he finally decided he had enough. Hearing you close your window every night and having to hide better on the roof wasn’t anymore what he wanted to do, so he surrendered. He carefully got off of the roof - as if it’d hurt if he’d fallen - and entered your bedroom. The silence that filled the room made him take a deep breath as he looked around, the familiar forniture and your habit of leaving the clothes that you wore during the day on the chair made his lips stretch out in a gloomy smile.

“Namjoon?”

You couldn’t believe he was standing there in front of you, not after all the effort you put into avoiding him.

Namjoon was sure he had goosebumps for the first time since his death, if it was possible, after hearing your voice. As his gaze met yours, you felt something inside of you break, totally shattered into millions of pieces; his dark eyes made your mouth dry, fingertips tickling as if they were dying to touch his cold skin.

“Why are you here?” you couldn’t hide what you were feeling anymore.

“I want to talk” he took a few steps forward, tightening the distance between you two. “I can’t, please go”

“Why?” he shook his head “Why can’t you talk to me? I deserve an explanation, Y/N”

“I just can’t” you took a step back, watching him as he stopped in the middle of the room. He seemed so disappointed and lost that you were almost about to burst out. “I need you to go”

“I won’t go” his eyes locked into yours. “I won’t leave until you talk to me”

Your shoulder raised as you breathed in, eyes never leaving his and mouth threatening you to spill everything out.

“If I’ll speak,” he was already nodding, not even thinking about the end of that sentence “then you’ll kill me”

The world felt silence for a few seconds, your world felt silence. The one you created together, wrapped in an unstable bubble, always daring to pop out at any second. All the noise you made together until now, all the memories felt silence as if they were ending right in front of you.

Namjoon’s eyes suddenly filled with tears as he remembered the feeling he had felt when he heard you open the door of your house, ten days ago. It was so fast and went away so quickly that he only thought about it once, during one of the nights away from you, the second to be exact. He described that feeling as uncompleted, almost as if there was a missing part to it, like a puzzle. But now he knew, you knew.

“Your fear” and he could feel it now. He shouldn’t have never asked you to talk, because now it was real. He felt his body shiver as his eyes filled with new tears, recognizing the feeling of his body changing into a new shape, starting from the very inch of skin of his feet, reaching his legs and his abdomen, just to focus on his face.

Your eyes shot wide open as you watched his eyes change, from a deep dark brown to a cold grey, almost white. His face seemed to turn back to life again, his cheeks coloring for the first time under your sight, the sides of his eyes taking a soft shade of red and his plump lips looking even more tastable, reflecting the light coming from the chandelier.

“Love,” you muttered “I was afraid of love”

And at this point, you knew it was the end. You knew it when he closed his fist at his sides, biting his lips and trying as hard as he could to stay still. The tears in his eyes overlapped themselves every second more, making his eyes so glossy that you felt the need to take a few steps forward.

“That’s why I brang that guy over and talked to you like that” you realize only now that your cheeks are soaked, finally stopping in front of him. The warmth his body radiates guides your fingertips on his lips.

“I realized only these days without you, that I was already in love and wasn’t sacred anymore. Now-”

“You’re afraid to lose me”

A tear slipped out of his left eye, shining so much that you narrowed your eyes just to keep them open. It caresses his cheek and went beside his nose, crest hung a path of wrinkles under the light of the room.

“I love you”

Your whisper is all it took to Namjoon to break out, his hands reaching out to cup your wet cheeks, the warmth of his body almost seemed surreal.

And it was, it was just an illusion. It was the shape of love, warm just like his fingertips, red like his cheeks and eyelids, both intriguing and charming as his cold eyes, familiar as the way he was looking at you.

“I’m trying to hold back” he groaned, closing his eyes. His eyelashes turned white right in front of your eyes, so fast let that you wondered if they were always like that. You watched the same tear go lower and lower, shining even brighter when it reached his lips. “I’m so sorry,” his eyes opened again “I love you”

You realized what that tiny little shiny drop stood for only when you didn’t hold yourself back anymore, raising on your tippy toes to kiss his lips as angrily as you could.

It was just a tear, but you could feel his taste all over your lips and tongue, cold and sweet as if it was fighting its true nature. In fact, Namjoon’s lips were not moving and you grew more frustrated when you realized he was hurting himself.

“Stop holding back, this is not the way it’s supposed to be” you whispered, looking into his eyes.

“Tears are not supposed to be like that”

The broken look in his eyes as he brushed his thumb on the skin of your cheeks was the one you were going to remember for the rest of your life, death and even more.

“You’re my tear”

“Just kiss me and do what you have to”

It took only a kiss. A soft, wet, sweet kiss to end your life, your soul left your body at the very first moment that he didn’t hold back anymore, he couldn’t. The tears that started to slip out of his eyes weren’t cold anymore, they were warm, just like his love for you, salty.

Namjoon would have lived for the rest of the eternity, knowing that your soul wasn’t yours anymore, he had taken it away.

95 notes · View notes

putas-in-suffering · 4 years

Note

Mmmmm, how about a brat tamer with bish, we know that man would gladly mark you up for misbehaving💅🏿

Sucias! We’re steadily working on some hoe ass content for you guys. We’ve got lots of original ideas that we’ve been playing with and we’ve also gone through some old requests in our inbox that hit that inspiration just right. Requests are still closed. But we didn’t think you’d mind if we went ahead and gave you all the smutty goodness. So we got a doozy here for all you Bishop freaks (it us).

Read on to see just how Bishop gets his brat in line...

You pouted in your seat next to Bishop, impatiently waiting for him to finish his conversation so that you could go. A party was taking place around you. There wasn’t a special occasion. The boys didn't need one. The clubhouse was full of people and while you were normally down to partake in the night’s activities, an incident from earlier had turned your mood sour.

It was about an hour after you’d arrived. The music was flowing, a cloud of smoke engulfing the room as everyone drank with enthusiasm. You’d stepped away to get a refill for Bishop on his beer when a woman you’d never seen before saddled up next to him. She was obviously new. Being El Presidente’s old lady meant that you’d seen every face that came through this place. Hang arounds and club girls. The ones who knew the rules and abided by them got to stay. The ones who didn’t got thrown out on their ass. It was the way of the MC world.

You had watched as she trailed her long hot pink nails over his arm, her eyes zeroing in on the President’s patch on his leather. She was eager and thirsty for clout. Desperate. And that vibe never lasted long with the men in the clubhouse. It was unattractive and incompatible for the lifestyle they led. A woman had to have her own shit when dealing with a Mayan. Their time was valuable. You couldn’t expect to have him at your every whim. Plus they all liked a little chase. Including your man. You may have been together for awhile, but you kept him on his toes and he loved it. You both got off on it.

Which is why you weren’t surprised to see Bishop brush her off and point her away from him. She’d looked crestfallen and you’d almost felt bad for her. You’d never questioned Bishop’s loyalty. But persistent women made your blood boil. They didn’t have respect for what was so clearly owned by another. There was a hierarchy and you were at the top when it came to the women of the club.

You were ready to let the whole thing go, pleased to see that your boyfriend wasn’t at all interested. But instead, the woman made one last ditch effort by grazing her fingertip over his bearded lips with a pathetic excuse for a seductive smile.

You saw red.

Bishop yanked at her wrist and barked at the prospect to get the bitch out of there. His eyes had found yours, knowing you’d seen the whole thing. You knew better than to cause a scene. He was handling it. So you stayed rooted to your spot, cold and stoic as EZ hauled her out of the clubhouse.

Bishop came to you immediately and he could see the anger in your eyes. You assured him you were fine, but the party was over for you. He’d insisted you both stay, unwilling to let the moment be ruined.

That was forty-five minutes ago and you were still stewing. You’d tried to entice him into leaving, batting your lashes like you knew he loved. He’d brushed you off. The action made you seethe. Images of how he’d dismissed the bitch before made a sour taste settle onto your tongue. He was not about to ignore you like you were some whore.

You tried again, leaning into his side and whispering into his ear.

“Bishop...let’s go home, baby” You purred, letting your tongue gently caress the shell of his ear.

His brown eyes became dark, his mouth set into a firm line as he looked at you. His hand made its way to your thigh, gripping the flesh harshly.

“I told you. We’ll leave when I’m ready. So shut the fuck up and do as I say, querida.”

An icy chill ran down your spine. You sneered at him, letting him know you heard him but you weren’t at all happy about it. Something had him agitated tonight. And while you were used to dealing with a moody Bishop, you were not cool with being rejected like a random puta.

“Fuck you.”

His face became stone as he registered your words. You were both speaking in low tones, but the tension was obvious. You removed his hand from your thigh and stood, leaning forward to grab the car keys from the pocket of his leather. He didn’t move. He let you do as you pleased as you snatched the keys and walked away from him. You headed for the door, intent on leaving his ass behind.

The summer heat enveloped you as you made your way down the clubhouse steps outside and towards Bishop’s truck. You pressed the button to unlock it, watching as the lights lit up in response. You’d just gotten your hand on the driver’s side door when someone jerked you from behind. You were spun around and pushed against the the vehicle with a brute strength that let you know who it was immediately.

Bishop boxed you in with his arms as he pinned you with a glare. You matched his anger, unwilling to bow down to his dominance this time.

“Where the fuck you think you’re going? Huh?” He rasped as he gripped your chin and forced you to meet his now black eyes.

“Home. Like I said an hour ago.”

“You don’t disrespect me like that. You know better.” He bit back, fingers tightening their hold on your chin.

You winced against the pain and jerked away, pushing his body away from yours.

“I’m not doing this with you right now.”

You went to leave, but once again he stopped you. This time he dragged you by the arm to the back of the truck where the truck bed was open. The tailgate had been left down from unloading cases of beer earlier in the night. He forced you back, making the edge of the tailgate dig into your lower back.

“Is this about earlier? Is that what’s got you so fucking twisted up?”

His breath collided with yours as he loomed over you. He narrowed his eyes and you could see he was trying to read your face, searching for a motive.

“You think I like coming here and seeing some whore rub herself all over you like a bitch in heat? Do you think that’s fun for me, Obispo?”

He looked away, gaze taking in your surroundings to ensure no one was around. They weren’t. You were alone in the muggy night.

“I told you I was sorry. I threw her out. What else did you want me to do, huh?”

His tone softened ever so slightly, but his eyes were no less intense. You may be justified for your anger, but your disobedience wasn’t excused.

“How would you feel if I let one of the guys manhandle me? Let Angel squeeze my ass? Or let the prospect brush up against my chest? Would that be fun for you?”

With every word you spoke you could see the vein in his neck throb. His jaw clenched, his hands now balled into fists at his side. You were walking a very dangerous line. You knew that. But his reaction was giving you the pleasure you‘d been seeking. It was gratifying.

“I’ve seen the way some of them look at me. Maybe I should-,”

Bishop’s hand struck fast as he gripped your throat and applied pressure. It wasn’t enough to cut off your air supply, but it had the desired effect of silencing you.

“Shut the fuck up.” He growled out. He almost sounded more beast than man and your insides warmed at the thought.

Your body reacted to his anger instantly. Your nipples hardened despite the warm air of the evening. Your thighs twitched, your pussy already pulsing with need. The thrill of his anger and aggression made you wet instantly. It wasn't what you’d intended to happen. You’d been seriously upset and frustrated with Bishop. But your body knew him too well. And it was attuned to him by instinct rather than sheer will.

“You’re pushing your luck tonight, princesa.” He warned, his lips edging closer to yours. His free hand roughly cupped you through your jeans, forcing you onto your tiptoes.

He could clearly see the reaction your body was having to him, and he was manipulating it to his liking. He got off on taming you. Just like you got off on rebelling against him. It was a demented tug of war that neither of you planned on losing.

“You just love to act up, don’t you?” He crooned against your neck, bearded lips grazing over the sensitive skin.

You shivered, unconsciously widening your legs for him to better maneuver against you. You pushed your chest out in invitation, daring him to touch you there.

“I’m not the one who let a disrespectful cunt touch what's mine.” You retorted. The attitude was thick; the bite in your words apparent.

He leaned back, lips quirked into a smirk at your brazenness. He was amused. And turned on judging by the hard muscle pressed against your stomach.

“You know better than to doubt me. If I wanted whore pussy I’d have it. But instead, I put up with you.”

His words and tone were ugly, but his body rubbed sensuously against yours. He thrust his hips into you, his hands now toying with the button on your jeans.

“So, I’m gonna remind you of that, baby. Daddy’s gonna fuck you until you can’t remember anything but my fucking name.”

Your pussy contracted around nothing, so incredibly aroused by his words alone. You remained unmoving as he unbuttoned and unzipped your jeans, hands pushing the fabric down your legs. He pulled you in for a kiss, but immediately retracted when he felt the sting of your teeth bite at his lip.You smirked when he touched the appendage and a spot of red dotted the surface.

“Fucking brat...” He cursed as he grabbed you by the back of your neck and nearly collided his face with yours. “Lick it off.”

You stared at him with disdain, but did as he said. Your tongue licked the spot of blood from his bottom lip. The tang of iron hit your tongue and you savored the taste.

In an instant you were forced away from him, facing the open bed of the truck.

“Bend over.”

You had no choice. His hand pushed you as he tore at your panties and exposed you to the open air. His belt clanged as he released himself from his dark denim confines. His cock rutted against your ass, the flesh seeking out the wet heat of your overflowing pussy.

“Stick that ass out like I know you can.”

You lowered the upper half of your body, supporting yourself on your arms. The angle allowed your ass to meet his crotch, your glistening lips visible even in the darkness.

“You talk a lot of shit for someone whose pussy stays wet for me.” He taunted as he rubbed the head of his cock at your entrance.

You bit your lip to keep the moans at bay, both out of stubbornness and need for privacy. He teased you mercilessly. Dipping shallowly into your depths before retreating. You tried to follow his touch, but he kept you still.

“Say it.”

You knew what he wanted. And although you were fighting for control, it was obvious you were losing. So you gave in.

“Daddy...”

He plunged into you in the next instance, hips flush with your ass. You attempted to grasp for purchase against the bed of the truck, but it was useless. Bishop’s hips set a punishing rhythm. Your body barely had time to clutch at him before he was pulling out. His grunts were like another set of hands, working you closer to that proverbial edge.

“Fuck...” He groaned, letting his cock hit deep within you. He stayed still for a moment, feeling the hold your walls had on him. “Your pussy is tight. And just for me. Right, baby?”

“Yes...”

His calloused hands spread your ass, no doubt entranced by the way your body accepted him. He landed a harsh slap to your right cheek, enjoying the way your pussy squeezed him in response.

“She wants to cum, querida. She knows who she belongs to.” He provoked, a finger sliding down between your bodies to assault your clit.

The submission came naturally. Your body surrendered to his touch, your mouth unable to form words as the climax that’d been building finally swept over you. You could only squeeze your eyes shut and pray that Bishop held you up because your joints locked, your knees ready to give out at any moment. He fucked you through the chaos, continuing to work your clit as tears stung your eyes.

“Shit, that feels good.” He praised as your pussy gripped him so tight you were afraid he’d become locked inside of you. His pace began to falter as he fucked you hard enough that the tailgate nearly cut into your skin. And you barely had a chance to come down from your high before he was experiencing his own.

Warmth coated your insides as he filled you. His fingertips dug into your hips. His chest collapsed against your back. Ragged breaths filled your ear as he struggled to calm his racing heart.

It felt like hours had passed, but in reality it had only been seconds. Bishop carefully moved off of you, hissing as he eased himself out of your sensitive walls. Despite your exhaustion, you pushed your backside up and out for him to take in the sight of your overfilled cunt.

“Jesus, I’ll never get tired of seeing this.”

He ran a long finger down your slit, smearing the cum that had leaked from within. You jolted at his touch, still too sensitive. He pulled you up and around to face him, tapping your lips with his coated finger. You dutifully opened your mouth, sucking the mixture off of him. The savory sweet taste of you both exploded in your mouth. He caressed your cheek lovingly, the warmth seeping back into his eyes.

“You know I love you.”

You nodded, too tired to argue anymore.

“So don’t treat me like I don’t. Okay?”

“Okay.” You acquiesced, bending down to pull your jeans back up your legs. Your panties were torn and discarded nearby. There was no salvaging them.

Bishop adjusted his own pants, buckling his belt back up as he watched you closely. You let him pull you in for a kiss, your mouths dancing against each other tenderly.

“Let me tell the guys we’re heading out. And then we can go home.”

You returned the smile he sent you and nodded, watching as he made his way back inside. You walked to the passenger side and got in. Your eyes caught the glow of the dashboard clock, triggered by the unlocking of the vehicle. It’d only taken you fifteen minutes to convince Bishop to take you home. Of course, he’ll see it as his idea. He’ll think he fucked you incompetent, but you knew better. You weren’t new at this game. If you wanted something, you had to set it in motion. And you’d done just that.

At the sight of Bishop walking back down the steps, you smiled. He winked at you in return.

Who says being a brat doesn’t pay off?

Sucia Tag List:

@marvelmaree

@visintaes

@otomefromtheheart

@aquarius-smr-writing

@glimmerglittergirl

@arveeee

@fangirlingaesthetics

@maciiiofficial

@woahitslucyylu

@angelreyesgirl

@ifoundmyhappythought

@mheart27

@collegegirl83

@luna8819

@enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat

#bishop losa #bishop losa imagine #bishop losa x reader #bishop losa x you #bishop losa fanfiction #bishop losa fanfic #mayans mc #mayans mc fx

186 notes · View notes

defensefilms · 3 years

Text

Defense Films Names His Top 5 Favorite Rappers

In All It’s Infinite Glory And Magnanimity, Defense Gives You His Top 5 Favorite Rappers.

5. 50 Cent

To this day, when you need a playlist for a MMA class and the group is hella diverse, you’re not really sure which way to go with it, pop in that 50. Can’t go wrong with Get Rich Or Die Trying (the original), or even that G-Unit Beg For Mercy.

That run from late 2002-2005/06 was unlike anything you’ll ever see again. That was a perfect situation where there was organic support from fans and there were people at a business level, mainly 50, that knew how to turn it into the wave that it became and industry has been trying to replicate this ever since.

While most people remember is the numerous scandals, beefs and controversies of that time but it was the music that moved the audience. For all the ways 50 Cent’s success mirrors ruthless American capitalism, his debut album is low key one of the most inspiring albums you’ll ever listen to.

It’s a foxhole mentality on wax. It’s me-versus-you type thinking. It’s someone has to lose and I’ll be damned. It’s who ever has to get hit, is gonna get hit.

See the first time I listened to it, it was about “In Da Club”, “Wanksta”, you know the more palatable records that got on radio and all that but the more I listened the more I realized, it was actually built on the backs of songs like “Patiently Waiting”, “Many Men”, “Back Down”, “Don’t Push Me” and “Gotta Make It To Heaven”. On one side it’s as motivational as you can think of but it’s not the wacky kind of naivé motivational talk because it’s willing to get it’s hands dirty and go in to much grittier ideas.

Like his predecessors, 50 pulls off the trick of balancing easy-to-listen-to records on a foundation of graphic and aggressive songs.

Recommended Songs: Maybe We Crazy, When It Rains It Pours

4. Jedi Mind Tricks

I’ll give you props if you know who these man are but they are legends. Point blank. Violent By Design will forever rank as one of the great group albums in hip-hop history. Vinny Paz, Jus Allah and producer/DJ Stoupe The Enemy of Mankind, gave hip-hop a shockwave they weren’t ready for, especially back in 1999.

Hip-hop as a business wasn’t ready to market a group, whose themes were rooted in topics like government control, military warfare, covert control tactics, religion and psychological warfare. To have all that in one bundle wasn’t something that big time A&R’s were ready for.

Had they started this group in 2010, they would have walked in to a business landscape that was far more suitable to who they were as an act and as MC’s.

Even with that JMT still enjoyed a lot of notoriety and they definitely succeeded in establishing their following, despite the odds.

While Violent By Design may serve as the magnum opus of their body of work, their run really starts in 1997 with the Psycho-Social, Biological & Electro-Magnetic Manipulation Of Human Kind.

Yes guy, that’s an album title. You gotta think now, I was in high school the first time I heard this and I was very into conspiracy theories and nonsense, so this album hit me right between the eyes. The idea that someone could use the medium of hip-hop in this way was crazy and the album would have been more than 10 years old when I first heard it.

No, the hip-hop historians among us will argue that Wu-Tang were a better and more influential group and I’d tend to agree, I can also bust back and say, “these dudes took Wu-Tang’s formula and gave it a whole different edge.”

I’ll break it to you like this, Wu-Tang gave the world swordsmanship and the first projectile weapons like bow and arrows, spears and the likes. Jedi Mind Tricks gave the world gun powder, advanced modern explosives and semi-automatics. You see what I mean?

Recommended Songs: Untitled, Retaliation Remix

3. Jay-Z

No top rappers list is complete without my man. The only reason he ain’t higher is because, I rate a rapper more highly if they’re in the prime of their musical abilities. If this were an all-time list he’d be way way higher.

Beginning with Reasonable Doubt is really the only place to start when it comes to Jay. The production, the skits, the way every sentence was so tightly wound together, the word selection and sentence construction. It’s remembered as an album of hits because of tracks like “Cant Knock The Hustle”, ”Feelin It” and “Brooklyn’s Finest” but Reasonable Doubt was really defined by “Dead Presidents”, “D’evils”, “Politics As Usual” and “Can I Live”.

The first batch of songs gave the album some relatability, as far as depicting club vibes and nightlife glamour because that second batch of songs were all built on darker themes like betrayal, jealousy, greed, blind ambition and deception. That combination of themes as well as the production to match each one is why that album will always rank high among a certain listenership.

With that being said, never make the mistake of thinking Jay or any man is perfect. There’s like a 3 album run where there’s moments of dope-ness but not a truly complete album.

Still with that, songs like “Imaginary Player” and “Where I’m From” will rank among his best songs.

It’s only when you get to The Blueprint can you start to see Jay perfecting the art of crafting, whole, complete albums that bump from start to finish. The Blueprint was near perfection in this regard. “U Don’t Know”, “Heart Of The City” and “Momma Loves Me” will rank as his best efforts and yeah, I skipped a few.

The Black Album replicated the Blueprint’s listenability, while also dealing in topics that created an album that sounded very personal to Jay.

All told, the best parts of his catalogue are so strong that there is no denying his place on my list.

Recommended Songs: Dead Presidents, I Love The Dough

2. Action Bronson

I cannot for the life of me fathom how this man doesn’t get the love but the real ones know.

The mixtape download era (2010-2017 give or take), had many unlikely success stories. An overweight white guy, who grew up cooking in his parents deli/eatery, turned pro-chef then turned rapper, is beyond unlikely. Only the internet could allow this man to succeed and thank the hip-hop gods it did.

From 2012 to about 2018, Action was one of the only constants in my playlist. I still remember where I was the first time I heard “Brunch”. His catalogue starting with the Tommy Mas produced, Dr Lecter and boasting full collaborations albums along side Statik Selektah and the Alchemist, and of course the classic Blue Chips series. This man’s prime will be underrated.

If you’re going to take one chapter of Bronson’s art and study it, it’s going to be Blue Chips 1 and 2. Both are thematically perfect without ever trying to be. Which is what allowed Party Supplies to make production choices that grabbed you from the jump. From the first time you hit play on the opening of Blue Chips 1, you’re hit with the sound of falling shards of glass and a violin sound that makes the opening song un-skippable. The songs themes are also a perfect introduction to the man himself. Debauchery, expensive taste, hedonism, revelry, unabashed pleasure-seeking, drug use and just enough self-depreciation that you felt you were along for the ride rather than just a fly on the wall, turning your nose in disgust. It was a perfect mixtape, at a time when mixtapes were at a crazy dumb high standard.

It’s not so much that a rapper made punchlines about food, that would be an over-simplification and really missing the trick. It’s that he made everything he said sound like the dopest thing ever and the most underrated trick about his music is that he made grown man rap without needing to be thuggin’. A rare feat.

Bronson has since gone on to establish himself as a content creator/producer/food review guy but man, what he accomplished as a complete body of work is nothing short of astonishing.

Recommended Songs: Midget Cough, Bonzai

1. Headie One

So it’s late last year. I’m hanging with my boy Phil and Brown, we had just finished some content and Phil says “yo listen to this”. He proceeds to play Golden Boot and it hasn’t stopped bumping since.

A UK rapper with a lyrical nous and wit that rivals even legends like Jay-Z, but rapping over trap and drill beats. What Headie One is doing is not the norm and I’m talking in terms of his lyrics, sentence construction, word selection, metaphors, he does it all and like all the greats, he makes it look easy.

His collaboration with RV definitely helped mold him, with both the “Sticks and Stones” and “Drillers and Trappers” mixtapes giving you an idea of what Headie offers as a lyricist. He compliments RV’s brash, aggressive boasts with slightly less obvious but incredibly witty boasts of his own.

His discography though really starts to peak with 2018′s “The One”. That’s where Headie begins find a sweet spot between his lyrics, production and the themes of his songs. A mixtape like this can only exist via independent release because outside of the aforementioned “Golden Boot”, ain’t none of those songs getting any radio play especially in a country as “conservative” as England. Even in a genre saturated with gangsta/trap, “The One” stands out for what he accomplishes lyrically.

Headie would follow that by releasing “The One Two” in June of 2018 and he ascends even more in what he’s able to accomplish with the words.

The track “Banter On Me” should be in an all-time list somewhere for being the wittiest track of all time. The song is literally just Headie finding new and innovative ways to boast, call out and bait his foes. Hip-hop/Rap has plenty of beef songs that weren’t really direct call outs to any known public figure but were still definitely taking shots at someone. 50 cent’s “Wanksta” and “Officer Down” are some examples of such songs I can think of. Those did not really have the kind of wit Headie displays here. The constant streams of alliterations, double meanings, puns, metaphors, inferences and innuendos is just astonishing. There’s a real mastery of language at play here. The song is a lesson in language, no textbooks.

Headie has since released his debut album along with additional tracks for the delux version of the album. His debut studio release “Edna” does what studio releases are supposed to do. “Parle-Vouz Anglais” and “Aint It Different” will standout and are difinitely the most palatable songs as far as radio play. Those are the 2 songs I’d play for first time listeners.

Recommended Songs: Hard To Believe, Dues, Zodiac

#music #hip-hop #rap #50 cent #jedi mind tricks #jay z #action bronson #headie #headie one

11 notes · View notes

ad-post-it · 3 years

Text

Random rant about spinning lego ninja cartoon because I’m sleepy and I’m beyond giving a shit

I hate to say it, but Ninjago needs a full reboot to live up to its full potential. A lot of that show- especially the earlier seasons -aged super poorly as I've gotten older. Whereas other shows of the same scope and target audience (The Last Airbender, Justice League, Batman The Animated Series, Samurai Jack, The Clone Wars, etc.) only improve your appreciation for them as you age, and start perceiving the little details.

Even when I was younger, Ninjago’s habit of just throwing worldbuilding at the wall to see what stuck kind of annoyed me. They did well with their villain-of-the-season formula, since there was/is probably a lot of pressure to keep the show going at all costs, but the overall world suffered for it as more and more things that would have been EXTREMELY valuable from the beginning just pop into existance with barely even a throwaway line to explain why the hell we didn’t see it happen earlier.

And don’t even get me started on the dialogue, oh my gosh. Campy I can handle and enjoy, which is great because a lot of the dialogue falls perfectly into that comfortable little niche. But just enough slips out of campy and straight into horrendous that I’d always wince at it, even before I developed a conscious awareness of concepts like high-quality writing.

One of these days I might compile a comprehensive critique of the series as a whole, substantiate my points beyond ranting about them on tumblr, but it’s not incredibly likely. I am nostalgic for this show, and I hold it as one that influenced my taste in storytelling, but goddamnit I could tear it to shreds with how objectively flawed it is. It’s a similar feeling to the Star Wars prequels, or the Hobbit trilogy: the presentation a coin toss between good and bad, but the stories behind the presentation are too good to just shrug off as mediocre.

And just like the Prequels and The Hobbit, you can tell a lot of love went into it, as the emotional beats played out with shocking resonance, but the passion didn’t always translate into the end product. It’s not exactly wasted potential, just mismanaged.

And before any of y’all go “it’s a kid’s show!” I’m going to cut that weed at the roots. Kids deserve high-quality content too, especially if it’s something they’re going to get emotionally invested in. Highly impressionable and developing minds should be provided only the finest, most carefully crafted influences that can reasonably be presented to them. Just because they enjoy it doesn’t mean it can’t or shouldn’t be improved upon.

Anyway, back to my original point: Ninjago needs a full reboot. But who in their right mind would look at all the reboots, remakes, revisions, reimaginings and revisitations that have been made over the past 20 years and say with a straight face that Ninjago of all franchises would get a high-quality reboot? I ain’t about to submit that wish to the monkey’s paw, I know how that shit plays out in this day and age and I’m not stepping into that bear trap again.

If it’s what we’re permanently stuck with, the series as-is is fun enough. The structure is stuck together with toothpicks and gum, but superficially it’s fantastic. I really wish it could be revisited by someone who was both passionate enough and competent enough to know how to tell these stories better, but the likelihood of that happening is about the same as an Arizona resident getting mauled by a shark. It’s possible, though highly implausible

Low-effort rant about spinning lego ninja cartoon over.

4 notes · View notes

taste-in-music · 3 years

Text

taste-in-music’s Year End Wrap-Up

Hello everybody! We’ve finally reached the end of 2020. While I’m glad to leave this miserable year behind, one of things that undeniably got me through it was the vast amount of awesome music we got. In past years I’ve made favorite album and EP lists, but this time around I’m going to tackle them all in one go, giving reviews on the projects that had some significances to me over the course of the year. I’m going to make a post for my favorite songs too, so keep an eye out for that in coming days. Now, without further ado, let’s get started, shall we?

folklore by Taylor Swift: This was an incredible year of growth for Taylor Swift. As much as I’ve enjoyed her past music, the way she constantly felt the need to address what people thought of her always irked me, (though after watching her documentary, I do understand why she did it.) It wasn’t Taylor Swift the public persona that was most interesting, I thought. It was Taylor Swift the artist, the songwriter, the storyteller. What I wanted was an album focused on that. This year, I got one, (well... more on that later,) and it’s my favorite project she’s ever done. The tales Swift spins on folklore span across love triangles, heiresses, and battlefields, and she nails each and every one. While the chilly indie-folk influence from the likes of Aaron Dessner and Justin Vernon is prominent, Swift’s warmth and charisma always cuts through the fog like a beam of sunlight. So yeah, this is my undeniable album of the year.

Fetch The Bolt Cutters by Fiona Apple: I only started listening to Fiona Apple last year and had thoroughly enjoyed her music, but this album cemented her as one of my favorite songwriters and performers of all time. Everything about Fetch The Bolt Cutters is so idiosyncratic yet fits together in just the right way, like watching an entire house being dropped from the sky and falling perfectly into place. It is a testament to the creative process, emotional honesty, and breaking free from all the cages you may find yourself in, whether they be societal, personal, or those of your own making. And in a year that was so isolating, it felt like Apple was whispering everything I needed to hear right into my ear, just when I needed it. In short, my boltcutters have been motherfucking fetched.

Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers: When Punisher was announced, I had no clue how Phoebe Bridgers would match the quality of Stranger In The Alps. Upon first listen, I wasn’t sure she had. By the fifteenth time I was listening to this album and every lyric was hitting like Cupid’s arrow to the jugular, I knew she’d surpassed it. Punisher presents a sonic scope that both comforts and crushes all at once, like with the upbeat yet mournful horns on “Kyoto” or the cathartic swell on standout “I Know The End.” In my opinion, Bridgers is one of the greatest songwriters of our generation in the making, and I can’t wait to see what the future brings for her. She may know the end, but she’s far from it.

SAWAYAMA by Rina Sawayama: This is the album I see becoming a new shorthand for the true potential of pop excellence, a cult hit that never got its time to shine but is beloved by pop music geeks to the ends of the earth, like EMOTION by Carly Rae Jepsen. SAWAYAMA so effortlessly blends diverse genres and influences like disco, nu metal, and arena rock, and it yet it remains cohesive due to Rina Sawayama’s sheer strength as a performer. She deserves a spot on the pop girlie hierarchy, and one near the top.

Future Nostalgia by Dua Lipa: I really enjoyed Dua Lipa’s debut album, but even I didn’t expect her to come through with such a fully realized, consistent, downright fantastic follow up. Future Nostalgia is a pop album that feels studied, like Lipa did her research of pop’s past as she made it. The result is an album that synthesizes several different sounds under her vision, one that is always trained ahead, and it simply slaps. In a perfect world, nearly every song on this album got spun off into a hit single.

evermore by Taylor Swift: 2020 was already my year of listening to Taylor Swift, (I went through her whole discography, cultivated a favorites playlist, and at the end of the year I was in the top 2% of her yearly Spotify listeners.) evermore was a lovely cherry to top it all off. While folklore enchanted me with its stories, evermore captivated me with its melodies. I haven’t been able to get snippets of this album out. of. my. head. for weeks now. It’s a bit less consistent than it’s older sister, (and likely to live in its shadow,) but there is still so much to love.

I’m Allergic to Dogs! by Remi Wolf: This EP is so much goddamn fun. It’s a blend of many different sounds, indie pop, electronic, maybe hip hop, I think reggae at points? It’s such a colorful, textured, quirky listen bristling with energy and undeniable hooks. “Woo!” conquered my Summer, and months later the bridge of “Photo ID” conquered TikTok. Keep your eye out for Remi Wolf in the coming year, she’s going to make a big splash.

Good At Being Young by Charli Adams: Good At Being Young was the first EP this year that I could not get enough of. It drifts through dreamy indie-pop sounds, with melancholic guitars and cloudy synths, and Adams has a deep vocal timbre that delivers tales of adolescent tribulations with just the right amount of wistfulness. Overall, it builds the perfect soundscape for a late-night drive.

Cape God by Allie X: Allie X has been keeping us FED with content. It seems like only yesterday that Super Sunset came out, and yet her output remains impressively consistent. This album has impressive highs, some lower moments, but the danceability, duets, and enticing darkness under its shiny pop veneer make it a record you won’t want to skip.

La vita nuova by Christine and The Queens: Perhaps the biggest flex of 2020 was Christine and The Queens dropping a fantastic EP and accompanying short film right out of the gate. The grooves on this are infectious, wiry, and air-tight, (the Caroline Polachek feature was another added bonus,) but that doesn’t mean there isn’t plenty of emotional weight too.

Lighter by Donna Missal: This was one of my most anticipated albums of the year, and it’s hard to determine whether it disappointed or not. I think the only thing holding Lighter back is that This Time was such a formative album for me, (my favorite of 2018, to the uninitiated.) In fact, this album flows way better than This Time, more cohesive with its storytelling and more consistent in folk-rock sound. And, of course, Donna Missal’s vocals stun on both the bangers and the ballads.

SURF by BLACKSTARKIDS: There was no record this year that was more instantly likeable than this one. The blend of low-fi indie pop and hip hop makes for a whirlwind of sunny fun and youthful malaise that would make the perfect soundtrack for a road trip to the beach. Standouts include the opening track “SOUNDS LIKE FUN,” the chill “WIGS,” and blissful title track “MUSIC TO SURF TO.”

The Baby by Samia: I’ve had my eye on Samia since “Milk” dropped years ago. Seeing her live sparked my belief that she was an indie darling in the making, and The Baby confirmed that she definitely was. The lyrics on this album mix quiet contemplation with just enough sardonic wit and raw emotion throughout a varied selection of sunny rock bops and gut wrenching ballads. If you enjoyed Punisher, then I can’t recommend this enough.

Season 2 by Nasty Cherry: Nasty Cherry is a group that I will not stop rooting for. Their EP from last year showed their potential for nailing monster hooks, but this sophomore effort shows just how versatile they can be. This EP covers everything from Dylan Brady produced hyperpop to early-2000s reminiscent pop rock to emotional balladry, and they pull it all off flawlessly.

A Little Rhythm and a Wicked Feeling by Magdalena Bay: This album became a fast favorite way late in the year, there is such a sweetness to Magdalena Bay’s music that makes it stick in your brain like a piece of blue raspberry bubblegum. This EP is spacey, catchy, and filled with electronic synthpop mastery, with countless catchy hooks that’ll make you feel like drifting and dancing all at once.

Miss Anthropocene by Grimes: The bubblegum bombast of Art Angels fully redefined my taste in pop years ago, so I was fascinated to see how Grimes would follow it up. On Miss Anthropocene, she leans into darker, more industrial textures, but also anchors it back to Earth with acoustic touches and some of her most introspective lyrics to date. Grimes painted a version of a world on the brink of disaster on this album, a picture that was hypnotically beautiful. And in a year where the word was a certified disaster, that was strangely comforting.

Plastic Hearts by Miley Cyrus: I’ve been wanting Miley to go rock for so goddamn long, Plastic Hearts was bound to make this list by pure validation alone. But what can I say? This breed of glossy 80s rock suits Cyrus’s rougher voice so well! I hope she stays in this lane a bit longer, but as we know, she’s one of pop’s most chameleonic figures. Only time will tell.

Where Does The Devil Hide by Zella Day: I have been patiently awaiting new Zella Day music ever since getting hooked on Kicker back in 2017, so this was one of my most anticipated releases of the year. This EP sounds nothing like Kicker, and I couldn’t be happier. It shows Day leaning even more into her influences from the past, (the 60s/70s vibes are intense with this one,) but also breathing a refreshing new life into them.

SOUL LADY by Yukika: When I imagine the ideal of pop music, what it would sound like in a perfect world, this is what it sounds like. SOUL LADY is full of pristine, glossy production and catchy hooks that feel like they’ve come down from the clouds. I’ll admit that I can have trouble forming a connection with music when I don’t understand the lyrics, (it’s something I’m working on,) but this album cleared that hurdle with ease. If you’re curious about city pop or K-pop this is a great place to start.

Heaven Is Without You by Love You Later: Give me lush pop production and heartbroken lyrics finished off with a heaping helping of nostalgia and I’ll eat it up with a spoon. Love You Later has been feeding my addiction to this genre for years, and this latest helping is particularly sweet.

IN A DREAM by Troye Sivan: Troye Sivan has always supplied the bops, but it was about time that he started experimenting with his sound a little bit more. This EP offers some harder-hitting electronic textures, but also the addictive hooks that’ll keep you coming back for more.

Ungodly Hour by Chloe X Halle: These women are so TALENTED! If there is any word I’d use to describe this album it would be “effortless,” the harmonies, grooves, and chemistry between Chloe and Halle feels so natural and free-flowing. Charisma just rolls off of them in droves, I see full-blown stardom and several Grammys in their future.

Watching You by Robinson: This EP was one of the first on this list to arrive this year, and it still hits months later. Robinson’s confessional lyrics work wonders over the buoyant pop grooves, and “Don’t Say” remains one of the best pop songs of recent years.

Manic by Halsey: I respect Halsey for dipping her toes into a myriad of different genres, (synth pop, rock, hip hop, and acoustic balladry,) but it does make for a jumbled listening experience. Still, I appreciate that this album features some of Halsey’s strongest tracks and writing to date, offering greater experimentation and emotional imtimacy than album’s past.

We Don’t Stop by Aly & AJ: Should this count? It’s more a compilation of their past EP and singles... I don’t care, I’m counting it because there’s some new stuff too. This is an excellent display of Aly & AJ’s pop prowess in recent years, the hooks, vocal chemistry, and shimmery production are undeniable.

Under My Influence by The Aces: The Aces returned in 2020 with a more laid-back, groovier record than their debut, exploring a wider variety of sounds. They’re as magnetic and likeable a group as ever, each member giving it their all, but I think I’ll return to the debut more often.

Strangers/Lovers by Dagny: I’ve been anticipating a longer Dagny project, as she’s been drip-feeding us singles for a while now. This was a lot of fun, with Dagny pairing her upbeat earnestness with stories of romantic tribulation. While the hooks aren’t as memorable as her past offerings, there is still so much to enjoy. Lead single “Come Over” and “Let Me Cry” are my favorites.

DUALITY by Tatiana Hazel: I came across this via recommendation on Tik Tok and it’s a solid pop record! The music is swooning, synthy, and tinged with disco and Latin influence. The record doesn’t waste a second of its runtime, clocking in at less than half an hour and grooving the whole time.

After Hours by The Weeknd: The sonic palette of After Hours is so engaging, a neon-drenched blend of synthwave, electropop, and R&B. I’ve always felt lukewarm on The Weeknd’s musical persona of brooding, villainous party monster, so the strongest moments on this album tend to be when he subverts that in some way. Still, in full, this album is an undeniable force of smash hits, stadium-shaking ballads, and cinematic flair. I can’t wait for his Super Bowl performance.

Petrol Bloom by LAUREL: It’s no secret that this year was chock-full of 80s revival albums (there’s what, five others on this list?) LAUREL wasn’t an artist I was expecting to go in that direction after the brooding folk pop of her debut album, but her deeper timbre works great alongside the synthy soundscapes.

positions by Ariana Grande: I’ve just come to expect that nearly all of Ariana Grande’s albums are going to be growers to me. My first listen to positions was underwhelming, but the songs have grown on me more and more. This album feels like being let in on a giggly, fun slumber party with Grande and her friends. I wouldn’t call this her strongest album by far, and while I tend to prefer when she favors the more powerful parts of her range, (and her enunciations could still use some work,) there is a lot of good material here.

THE ALBUM by BLACKPINK: We may just have to stan. I checked this out after watching their Netflix documentary, and while this breed of cacophonous, in-your-face electropop isn’t something I can listen to all the time, the hooks and charisma are undeniable. It certainly makes me feel like a bad bitch whenever I’m working out.

Kid Krow by Conan Gray: Conan Gray burst onto my radar offering dreamy tracks rich with teen malaise and suburban restlessness, and a good amount of that initial appeal carries over onto this album. Kid Krow has both a larger instrumental scope and more stripped-back moments. In the end, it still feels like Gray is finding his voice as an artist, but he's giving up great bops to jam out to as he does.

Petals For Armor by Hayley Williams: Hayley Williams is one of my favorite vocalists, so seeing her venture out for a solo project was exciting. This album offers a mixed bag of danceable jams, emotive moments that showcase Williams’s powerful voice, and a few skips. But overall it showcases Williams’s strength as a performer as she tackles her past with vulnerability and versatility.

Apart by LÉON: Oh, man. This one was kind of disappointing. For context, LÉON’s self-titled debut was my favorite album of last year. This follow-up is by no means bad, but every song on her first album was instantly memorable. This one, not so much. LÉON’s vocals are beautiful, and there are some stand-out tracks, but I don’t see myself returning to this nearly as much.

Blush by Maya Hawke: Maya Hawke’s Blush was to my 2020 what Tōth’s Practice Magic and Seek Professional Help When Necessary was to my 2019, (and that makes sense, as they’ve collaborated in the past.) This album is so blissful and nonchalant, and Maya Hawke has a gentle, soothing voice that feels wise beyond her years. While the writing isn’t as hard-hitting as, say, the Phoebe Bridgers album, sometimes I just want to listen to something that could rock me off into a dream world. If you like folksy, down-to-earth ballads, you’ve got a solid collection of them right here.

Dedicated Side B by Carly Rae Jepsen: Of course Queen Carly would pull through with B-sides for Dedicated, did we expect anything less? Jepsen’s brand of controlled yet carefree shimmery poptimism drenched in 80s nostalgia that never fails to put me in a good mood. This album has some lusher, more tropical instrumentation than Dedicated proper, but works great alongside it.

Missing Person by Kelsy Karter: To the Plastic Hearts fans out there, your homework now is to give this record a listen. This rock album presents pop hooks, but a lot of reckless rock fun too. Kelsy Karter has so much irresistible swagger and carefree spirit as a performer, speeding through the emotional highs and lows like she’s burning rubber in a cherry red Cadillac.

how i’m feeling now by Charli XCX: I’ll admit, this album was a bit abrasive to me on first listen. But tracks like “anthems” and “forever” made me return, and it’s a huge grower. If you listen closely, you’ll find the sugary-sweet hooks and relatable sentiments nestled deep in the crunchy hyperpop textures, begging to be discovered and eventually loved.

Jaguar by Victoria Monét: If you enjoyed positions, then check out the debut from one of that album’s most prominent co-writers. Jaguar’s concise collection of silky R&B slow-burners show that Victoria Monet’s is a superstar in her own right.

Some great albums I listened to that didn’t come out this year: Blue by Joni Mitchell, BLACKPINK IN YOUR AREA by BLACKPINK, I Need to Start a Garden by Haley Heynderickx, Plastic Beach by Gorillaz, Out in the Storm by Waxahatchee, 7 by Beach House, Dummy by Portishead, Lovers Fevers by Babygirl, and Red by Taylor Swift.

Whether you liked, reblogged, or commented on a post, sent me an ask, or interacted with this blog in any way, thank you so much for all the support throughout the year! I can’t express how much I appreciate it.

What were your favorite albums from this year? Did I miss anything? Send me an ask and let me know. I’ll tell you my thoughts, or put it on my to-listen-to list if I haven’t heard it.

Here’s to 2021! May it clear the extremely low bar set by this year.

#album #EP #album of the year #album recommendation #taste in music 2020 faves #taste in music

17 notes · View notes

mgkconfessions · 3 years

Text

Happy New Year! <3

I have to post my opinion about their New York trip like this, because I don’t know how to split all of this into multiple answers for your confessions! ^^

I don’t know about you and I might be speaking too soon, but since this blog is all about theories and thoughts I'll tell you anyway ^^. To me it seems like Kells is taking steps back from focusing so much on Megan and making everything about her to concentrate more on his family, friends and on making headlines because of his work again. In other words he’s starting to act more like his old self. This won’t happen immediately and it isn’t completely in his control either, but when he spent the nights at the studio last week, it already reminded me of old times and him and Megan also stopped with their public “private” paparazzi pictures for now and I don’t think that’s because Kells and Megan decided not to sell their relationship anymore, because they're still doing that, but they seem more distant than before and maybe one of them got tired of making everything always about their relationship. It seems like before he left to fly to Montana the mood between them was already off and although they’ve seen each other and smiled for the paparazzi when he came back, in private videos from friends Kells recently seemed often less interested in her than usual, for example on Thanksgiving he sat with his back turned to Megan and paid more attention to Casie and Ashton or at the beach birthday party they didn't stand together, Megan looked completely out of place and like she only came to pick him up. When you remember how they didn't leave out any opportunity to showcase their relationship in the beginning, the New York trip was the third opportunity that he missed to post something lovingly about their relationship now. The first missed opportunity was Thanksgiving, second one was Christmas, where I fully expected him to post something about Megan and how "happy" he was that he found her and she was his best gift of the year. Something over the top and cheesy like that. But he didn’t post anything and instead came back to Instagram for the first time after a long time with a whole post dedicated to Casie, emphasizing how he took her to New York to show her the ball drop in person. Although Megan was there too, he didn't mention her with one word. When they flew to Cleveland for the opening he still included both of them in his post, but this time it was only Casie and overall it seemed like he was also focused so much more on her and gave her as much attention and love as he could during their short trip. Their pictures and videos turned out so wholesome and adorable, I won’t be over their cuteness for a while and I missed random, but real content like that from him a lot :’)!

In my opinion about what I said how Kells seems to become more involved with his friends and family again and keeping the attention more on his music and work, showed throughout the whole trip too. A big role in this played Megan too tho by simply being weirdly absent from every group picture and even the ones from them arriving at the hotel. Usually she’s attached to his hip, but Kells could even be alone in an elevator with Casie and Ashleigh! :D Maybe they took pictures of Megan, but it would be weird that no one wanted to publish them then and her behaviour is literally not wanting to have anything really to do with Kells’ friends and family since they started dating, so her being absent from the whole group isn’t anything new. I also don't believe in the theory that she did that to let Kells get all the attention, because why did she then show up for the first time ready and prepared to kiss Kells after his performance in front of the press? When everything was more low-key and private, she didn't want to stand in his light and steal the show, but for the official part of their trip after his performance when all eyes and cameras were on him she thought this was the perfect moment to show herself to not make everything about their relationship again? She used his prime time to show herself, did the minimum in their private parts and got her headlines for just being there although Kells was the one with the performance. Also she didn't leave it at the kiss, she had to show everyone how she only sees him as a child, a lamby, again by cleaning his mouth like he’s 5 years old and embarrass him in front of the paparazzi. Megan always puts herself and how she looks first, no matter how humiliating and awkward that would make everyone else look. She didn’t came to support him, she came to put on a little show and get her headlines with the least amount of effort.

I’ll talk about their awkward interactions and kissing pictures more later, but first I want to mention Slim’s live stream, because it further shows the whole theme of the trip: Kells focusing on Casie more than on Megan and Megan low-key not being able to handle not being his centre of attention ^^! You can see in the back of Slim’s live stream and also in videos from Dub and Baze that after they all went back from their performance the rest of the group was already waiting for them, like Megan, and she came immediately into the room when the boys walked in to greet them. This time with a big smile on her face, but nevertheless her fingers under her chin she tried to look happy and enthusiastic as if she already felt that this trip Kells wouldn’t be all about her, so she needed to put more effort into getting his attention and with effort I mean following him around and interrupting his moments with Casie. At first Kells was busy celebrating with the boys and hold on to Dub while jumping around with him, which is also a closeness with the boys that we haven't seen for a while from Kells, before he quickly ran into Megan’s direction as if he suddenly remembered that he has a girlfriend waiting for him too lmao. Now in Slim’s live stream you can see in the background that Kells likely spent around 6 or 7 seconds in Megan’s direction before he was already standing at the other side of the room. Then Megan follows him, but doesn’t get his attention, because he already turned around to pick Casie up and hug her for around 30 seconds before he threw her on the bed and the way Casie was laying in his arms, you could tell that she didn’t plan to let go off her dad any time soon. She would have stayed there even longer ^^! When Kells walked towards the bed you could see how Megan was still following him, but what else is she supposed to do when in all these months she didn’t make any other friendly connections with the rest of the group and usually excludes herself. Kells is her only attachment figure and she never looked like she wanted to change that and get actually and seriously involved with other important people of her twin flame’s life. I’ve read and was also told that Ashleigh made a short live stream and apparently the moment she told everyone that she was live, Megan scooped closer to Kells. Another example of how she is always focused on not leaving out a camera moment and playing couple when she knows she's being filmed. Remember Randall's live stream where Kells and Megan had already walked passed him, but Megan pulled Kells back to shove her face into the camera, the moment she found out Randall was live too? Same energy!

Then I assume they all went down again to watch the ball drop and I don’t know when exactly what happened and in which order, but it’s also not important this time. But we got the cutest video of Kells grabbing Casie, holding her head with both of his hands to shower her with kisses and then holding on to her and hugging her. What did Megan do? Stand awkwardly behind him and then trying to interrupt their daddy-daughter-moment to start a conversation with him while he was still holding on to Casie. I wonder if Megan’s children were at home without mum and dad, watching that exact moment of the show and having to see their mum standing there with her new lover and his daughter celebrating the new year instead of being with them. Brian and Megan were both wrong for putting their partners over their children that day! And now we’re talking about Kells and Megan’s awkward kisses with open eyes, half hugs while the other hand is deep in the pocket and incredibly weird tongue licking that made Shawn and Camila some competition. Now compare how Kells showed Megan any type of affection with how he acted with Casie. Two different types of love, but usually people still show affection in the same way and intensity. While he was so loving and caring with Casie and you could easily tell how much he loves her and how much he wanted to show her that, his affection with Megan was quite lazy, lacking of any real love and to use Sommer’s words: half assed. From neither of them it seemed to come from their heart. It looked more like a duty, a show for the paparazzi or just lust. Again look at the video with Casie, compare it to the pictures with Megan and you won’t find anything that justifies their statements about how deep their connection is which comes from a place of deeply rooted love and not superficial lust. Kells even kissed Sommer with more passion than Megan and he was basically cheating on Sommer with Megan!

You could argue how Megan is probably acting more carefree with Kells when there aren’t any cameras and she doesn’t know that she’s being directly filmed and then she’s a lot more affectionate with him, but is she? Because in this snippet, where she first took a picture with a fan and Kells was laughing besides her and moving closer to her, the moment she realized his closeness, her head jerked away from him, maybe because he startled her, but even when he went in for a half hug while his other hand was resting in his pocket, she moved her entire upper body away from his arm before he even touched her and pulled her down even more. She literally leaned out of the hug after she had already moved her head away from him like she didn’t want him to touch her and get close to her at all and it also seems like her arms were in front of her body again, so she was completely blocking him. Obviously they have physical contact and kiss each other and all that, but I’m questioning how much Megan is really into that and if most of the time she isn’t just putting on an act for everyone involved when she has to and it benefits her and the rest of the time she’s more annoyed by him and in a “don’t touch me” mood. She called him a wildfire and tsunami, she wanted to date the rock star, but she doesn't seem to be able to match that type of energy. Actually she seems to be turned off by it and like she doesn't know how to handle Kells, when he's "too much" and feels more embarrassed by him. But Kells is a person who easily goes to extremes and can be a lot to handle and you’d think that at least his own twin flame would have no problems to deal with that since they’re two halves of the same soul.

Two days after New Year’s Eve Kells posted another series of pictures from their trip. We already know how he sees Megan as a sex object more than a woman with a personality for example when he proudly had to tell everyone that Megan is getting his dick everyday that wishful thinking lol and by including the awkward and really embarrassing tongue licking picture as the only couple picture from that trip to show everyone how he’s the one shoving his tongue down Megan Fox’s throat, only proves that even more. It isn’t about love, it isn’t about Megan as a person who he fell in love with, he’s dating every guys’ wet teenage dream for his ego and it’s becoming more and more obvious how this relationship is lacking so much real love and real interest in each other so they have to exaggerate everything because they want to act like this is super deep and the real deal when it isn’t. Megan is only here for the PR pictures and to become relevant again and occasionally lets Kells get close to her, but overall she always looks uncomfortable and like she was forced to spend time with everyone else and Kells is just in this relationship for attention, to stroke his ego and pride and to prove something to himself and everyone else. It’s crazy how obvious this has become. There was another cute moment of him on the floor with Casie and Megan filming them asking him like a true mum would ask her 5 year old son why he's lying on the ground instead of I don't know, lying on the other side with him? Sitting on the ground too and just enjoying that he played on New Year’s Eve in New York and let that experience and achievement sink in? Megan can act however she wants to act, but in my opinion Kells needs a girl that would just lie next to him without hesitation and not question why he's doing "weird" things. He doesn’t have a stick up his ass and neither should his girlfriend!

I hope that he will change a lot of things 2021 and his tweets and him being more active again on social media make me hopeful, but we will have to wait and see how Kells will surprise us this year!

Bottom line: The moment Kells seems to act more like himself again with focusing on his daughter, friends, family and music, he also seems to start focusing less heavily on Megan and leaving some of their staged paparazzi pictures behind while Megan seems to become more clingy and desperate the less attention he fully gives her.

#nyc 2020 #part 3

14 notes · View notes

linkspooky · 4 years

Note

Hey could you do your top 5 Durarararararara characters?

Before I start I want to say that my faves are not trash, and I do not have trash taste. In fact my faves are incredibly sexy and I have amazing taste in people. I feel no shame at all for liking the characters that I like. Anyway, here’s my list of favorite Durarara!! characters that’s Izaya, Izaya, Izaya, Izaya’s best friend, and Izaya’s employee. You can’t shame me because I physically lack the ability to feel shame. I love my faves and I love my taste in characters.

1. Orihara Izaya - What I love about Durarara! as a series is it doesn’t feel the need to moralize the characters. Every character present is flawed, some more than others, and instead of trying to sort them into good or bad people the series is way more interested in just exploring them as characters, their interactions with others, and all of their various flaws. It lets them be people first before anything else.

Izaya is my favorite character not because I think he’s a cool mastermind who always is in control of things, and always sees through people, but rather because he’s nothing like that. Izaya is not the villain he desperately wants to be or for other people to see him as. Izaya at the center of his being is a very fragile and delicate person. He’s sensitive, and he knows that his sensitivity especially towards the feelings of others is going to break him badly if he ever tries to form any real relationships, so he just doesn’t. He loves humanity as a whole, because loving any one person would be too much for him.

I like Izaya because he’s a kid playing games. He’s so desperately out of his league, but just clever enough that he tends to keep people hoodwinked. Underneath it all he’s just kind of a petty person, but the ways in which he is petty are so complex and fasicnating. The way I’ve always read the Izaya and Shizuo foiling is that Izaya has always been more sensitive and aware of other people’s feelings than Shizuo in a way that would actually hurt him, whereas Shizuo is pretty dense to people’s feelings over all. That’s why they want opposite things, Shizuo wants to be closer to people, and Izaya wants to run away from them.

Izaya’s at his best when he’s convinced that he’s the one forcing everybody else to play his game, only for the world to smack him in the face and show him that he’s just another player in the game like everyone else. He’s incredibly small scale and petty, but because of that he feels more human than most villains. He’s not even that much of a villain in the end, just kind of annoying over all.

2. Kuronuma Aoba - Izaya Ripoff #1. Some people can’t bring themselves to like Aoba because he’s not as good as Izaya, but that’s always read like the point to me. Thematically I think the entire second half of Durarara is supposed to read like a lesser and cheaper rehash of the first. (That kind of mirroring is something Ryohga Narita does in the structure of his stories a lot, it’s called Chiastic structure technically). Well anyway I love him, and my taste is awesome.

Aoba’s response to Izaya is that he met Izaya once and noticing their similiarities decided to develop into Izaya’s opposite mainly out of spite for him. Izaya loves humans, and Aoba hates them, but for both of them they need to be at a certain distance from other people in order to function. They both fundamentally can’t get close to others, Izaya because he’s a little too smart for his own good, and Aoba because he’s a victim of trauma, but also an active one who needs to take absolute control of everything including his trauma.

Aoba is interesting because he has this longing and desire to be human (we see the reverse in Kuon.) He will spend time with the Orihara Sisters specifically because as a way to remind himself he’s still human and capable of making connections with people. Aoba gets genuinely touched when Mikado shows him the most mundane concerns like bandaging his hand and offering to help with his summer homework, because Aoba’s never really been a part of the normal everyday life that Mikado just has naturally. He’s always been rebelling against someone, either his brother’s abuse, his parents who let that abuse happen, etc. etc. He’s only ever realy engaged with other people through his crafted fake persona that would smile during the daytime and be liked by his classmates and then go home to be beaten by his brother. Those moments of genuine feeling really get to Izaya, because unlike Izaya whose content to be fake and keep playing games Aoba is chasing after the real thing.

3. Kotonami Kuon - Izaya ripoff number two! No regrets! I like Kuon and Aoba so much because writing wise they read as very interesting responses and remixes to Izaya for me. I like that kind of thing, foiling, mirroring and the like.

Aoba wants to become genuine but he’s a little too good at controlling people, and a little too smart to fully surrender himself to the normal everyday life he wants so badly. Kuon’s the exact opposite, he desperately wants to become a fake like Izaya, but he’s way too human, cares about his connections with other people too much to go all the way. Kuon wants to be Izaya but he sucks at being Izaya, which is ironically why he can have friends in the first place.

There’s a special subtrope of bastard characters that I like called Wannabe Bastards. That is they’re kind of too incompetent to truly ever be the mastermind they see themselves as. Izaya is definitely already a bit of a wannabe, so that makes Kuon the Wannabe of a Wannabe. So what I like about Kuon is how genuinely weak he is, but also how motivated he is in spite of that weakness.

He’s a character you get to watch continually fighting against his own weakness in the story. He’s such an underdog you almost want to root for him, even though he’s usually the cause of his own, and everyone else’s problems. He’s motivated by very strong and genuine sentiments that neither Aoba, nor Izaya have because they’re both kind of too delicate to feel strongly about anything. He’s also very self aware of how low and petty of a person he is. It’s interesting to watch him throw himself into his pretend-Izaya act already knowing he’s not good enough to be Izaya, and trying to make up for the difference in effort alone.

4. Kishitani Shinra - Shinra Kishitani is a terrible heterosexual. He’s a character that would have been annoying in any other author’s hands, beucase Shinra kind of refuses to grow. He’s so codependent that the moment his roommate shows any small inclination that she might leave him, he’ll immediately resort to lying, cheating, and doing anything he can to control her.

What saves Shinra’s character is a lot of self-awareness on Shinra’s part, and also how frank the story is about his flaws. Shinra is genuinely detached from people in a way Izaya wishes he could be. He plays nice with people, and thinks it’s good to have friends, but really Shinra can just shut off his feelings and stop caring about another person or what happens to them the moment they become an inconvenience to what he wants. Even the person he loves the most he has a hard time seeing as a person separate from himself, with wants and needs that are separate from his. Shinra calls himself a villain in love and he might have better claim to the title of villain than Izaya. The only reason Shinra doesn’t go out of his way to hurt people is because he’s relatively benign, if they don’t interfere with him and Celty then he doesn’t have a reason to care about most people.

Shinra is excellent because his foiling and relationship with Izaya is one of the most compelling in the manga, due to how much they both call out each other’s flaws. They’re really the only people that they can genuinely feel attachment to like as people, but that’s also why they can’t stand to be around each other. They’re best friends but also at a distance, kind of more like pen pals. Shinra and Izaya both have big gaping holes in their hearts, and they both want to pour their love into something, Shinra just pours it all into one person, whereas Izaya loves all of humanity.

5. Yagiri Namie- Once again I like Namie because she’s a parallel to Izaya, surprise, surprise. Ignoring the weird parts of her character (because Narita just has to be weird sometimes) I think there’s actually a lot of intersting ideas at play with Namie. She’s someone who claims to live for the sake of love, but she’s just kind of cold and cut off from absolutely everybody.

Namie was smart enough to realize that her parents had no affection for her and her uncle was only in her life to use her, so she kind of just decided on her own to treat her brother as her only real family. Namie’s just kind of using Seiji the same way that Mika does. Obsessing over Seiji is just kind of an excuse to deny herself the pain of having to actually try to form connections with people.

Namie loves Seiji but she really kind of doesn’t. The two of them don’t even have that great of a relationship, Namie steps over Seiji’s boundaries, and Seiji just kind of ignores her and only pays attention to her when he explicitly needs something from her. Seiji just uses Namie like the rest of her family, but Namie’s fine with that because she’s using Seiji to. Seiji is just kind of an excuse for Namie to deny herself love. Because love is something she’s never had and it’s something that would most certainly hurt her. Both Mika and Namie are choosing to obsess over someone who isn’t really capable of loving them back (and I mean in a familial way in Seiji’s case he’s just kind of annoyed by Namie). And that’s the point. They don’t want to be loved. They don’t want to deal with other people’s feelings. It’s ultimately all about them.

Which is also the foiling to Izaya, both Izaya and Namie are incapable of loving because of the pain involved so they just seek out subsitutes to obsess over instead. They see themselves in each other, and because of that they’re constantly cutting at each other, and yet somehow cozy up to each other in this weird mutually trusting relationship. They’re both really cold people and they can get along because they’re used to freezing.

#spooky speaks #izaya orihara #shinra kishitani #kuon kotonami #aoba kuronuma #namie yagiri #dear-death

147 notes · View notes

danetobelieve · 4 years

Text

Gardening Time || Ricky and Winston

TIMING: 17/06/2020 LOCATION: the Dane family garden PARTIES: @ricky-corderbro SUMMARY: Ricky and Winston help Winston’s parents fix up their garden.

Winston had missed having Ricky to themself. It wasn’t that having Rio live with them was something that they didn’t like. Quite the opposite all things considered. But as they strode through the blazing sun of that June afternoon, Winston couldn’t help but relish in the time alone with their best friend. “Yo,” Winston shouted towards Ricky, “I got you a bottle of water.” They tossed the perspiring plastic towards their friend before popping the top off of their own and swallowing several ice cold mouthfuls. Adjusting their prescription sunglasses so they sat more comfortably on their face, Winston wiped their hands dry on the dirty tank top that they were wearing and squatted down next to the portion of the beds that they had been working on. They heard the buzz of Ricky’s power tools before it shut off. “Mom said that she is making your favourite, she also asked me where Rio was and why that nice young man wasn’t here helping us….” Winston sighed and tried not to think about Rio.

There was nothing quite so relaxing to Ricky as physical labor. The feeling he got from being bone-tired after a hard day’s work was one of the best he knew, and a day of repairing raised beds at the Dane’s was just the thing he needed to get himself there. He looked up from measuring out board and caught the bottle of water that was tossed to him, wiping the sweat from the side of it with the shirt tucked into his back pocket. Spending two weeks almost exclusively in his seal form hadn’t done anything for his tan, and he was bound and determined to keep it going if he was going to be out in the yard all day. He made a quick cut with the circular saw he had and then put the now-ready board on top of the small pile he’d been accumulating, “Unnecessary, but kind of her.” He didn’t hear the sigh, but he saw the body movement and knew what had happened, “So we just gonna pretend you’re not crushing on our other roommate real hard? Or are we gonna talk about it.”

Quirking an eyebrow, Winston realised that they should’ve just not said anything if they wanted to avoid having to have this conversation with Ricky. But it was probably for the best, after all their best friend usually gave them the best advice. “I think she was doing it to say thank you for helping with the garden, at this point if you actually charged them for the work that you do for them then they would probably owe you a minimum of five figures. If not six.” That was a joke. Winston limited the amount that their parents took advantage of Ricky. Somewhat. “What is there to talk about?” Winston asked as they set their water down and began to grab the pieces of wood that Ricky had been cutting, placing them in their relevant places, Winston kept working, it was easier to not talk if they were genuinely occupied doing something else, “If you want to talk about it so badly then you can start…” Winston wasn’t looking for a conversation about this, but something told them that Ricky wasn’t giving them the opportunity to decide differently.

“You don’t charge family. I’m always happy to help where I can.” Gathering up some of the boards Ricky moved to the side of one of the beds that needed replacing. Maine weather, particularly the coastal winters, weren’t kind to outdoor lumber, so beds like these needed to be replaced every handful of years. Angela Dane kept the plants in the beds in pristine health, which meant a hearty enough root system that Ricky could remove the rotten planks without any dirt sloughing off onto the lawn. Settling into the grass he heaved on one of the planks, the sharp sound of cracking wood filling the warm day, “That might be the most fucking defensive I’ve ever seen you, my dude.” He kept going, board by board, until he had a pile of rubbish lumber on one side of him nearly as big as the pile of new. Drill in hand he began the work of fastening the pieces of the new raised bed together, bit by bit, “Well where do we wanna start. The fact that there was some pretty meaningful hand holding before I left, or the fact that there was a kiss afterwards, or the fact that you guys have been spending a whole lotta time in that old library of yours. Or do we wanna zoom out and talk about why you’re so defensive about having a crush on someone. I’ve got literally all day.”

“And if you’re not charging family you also don’t complain when mom decides that she is going to cook your favourite meal, I think it is her way of paying you and saying thank you for all of the help.” Winston knew that Ricky knew all of this already. Winston moved to the other side of the bed and chanted in Latin for a moment. The boards on their side cracked before splintering away from the beds and arranging themselves in a neat pile. Winston felt the energy drain from them as they did so, more sweat pouring down their neck and back as they exerted magical energy. “I don’t - I’m not -” Winston swallowed, “I’m not being defensive.” They pouted, very aware that they were indeed being defensive. “I just don’t really want to talk about the fact that I’ve made our living situation incredibly awkward, I don’t want to talk about the fact that the guy I like I’ve already slept with his sister and I don’t want to talk about the fact that Orion probably doesn’t even feel the same way about me. We’re really good friends sure but out of the two of us I don’t think he would pick me over you, have you seen you? Those rippling abs. The toned arms. I look like a toothpick next to you. Besides, like I said, I’m not being defensive.”

“Helping is what I do. You know that. But I will never turn down Angela Dane’s famous pulled pork. It’s almost as good as mine.” Ricky watched with a wry smile as his roommate chanted low and intense before the boards on their side of the bed arranged themselves very neatly in a refuse pile, “Fuckin show off.” he muttered with a grin. Winston’s use of and comfort with magic had grown by leaps and bounds over the last few months as they explored it and Ricky was so incredibly proud of them for it. “It’s only awkward if you guys make it awkward.” He slotted a few more boards in place, screwing them together before going to grab some smaller pieces to use to reinforce the joint, “Well admittedly the Athena thing is fucking awkward. There’s no way around that.” Ricky managed to get the drill set down carefully before bursting into uproarious laughter, “That’s your fucking excuse?!” His laughter slowly subsided by degrees and he wiped mirthful tears from his face, almost certainly leaving a streak of dirt on his cheek. He looked down at what was admittedly a very well maintained body and laughed, “Winston. I walk around the house in just a pair of sweatpants enough to know that Rio is definitely not into me. Which is why I know I can walk around the house in just a pair of sweatpants. This is not a real fucking comparison this is you trying to hide behind an excuse you’re reaching for. There’s no picking between the two of us. I’m not even on the board. And my dude my love my bro my sun and moon and stars…. You’re being the most defensive.”

“Almost doesn’t mean that it is better Ricky,” Winston replied glibly. They adored both cooks. However their mother would always have to win out. Winston had a special place in their heart for their mother’s cooking. Panting slightly from the exertion, Winston smiled. “If I can do magic it’s got to be useful for more then fighting things right,” besides they needed to practice everything more. Building their magical muscles was something that both Morgan and Nell had recommended and Nell continued to push the point in their training sessions. “Well, it is already awkward and I don’t see that things are going to get any better anytime soon, I don’t even know where I would start.” Winston wasn’t content to sit this one out. But honestly what was the other option? They weren’t built to deal with this sort of thing. This was why they didn’t generally date. Also because no one seemed to notice that they existed until the Quinn’s. Which was a weird thing to think. “Whatever,” Winston knew that Ricky was right, they knew that they were just going to have to be honest about this but the truth was that they weren’t sure that they could handle the rejection if the worst was true. “I’m not good at this, I don’t do dating because this always happens. Besides, he’s not going to want to date someone who slept with his sister.”

“You’re biased as hell. You can’t weigh in on this as a judge.” The smile grew by degrees as Winston talked about their magic, “Exactly. I’m sure you’ve got more than just flinging fireballs at my porch. It’s nice to do things out of the ordinary. I assume... I’m not magical at all but. I’m just making wild assumptions.” between the two of them the first bed was reassembled in pretty short order and then they moved onto the second one; Ricky stretching languidly in the sun, “I know this seems hypocritical coming from someone whose entire identity is a carefully constructed lie, but, you gotta be up front and honest about this shit. Which also begs the question… what do you feel when it comes to Rio?” He laughed a little bit at Winston’s statements, which lined up pretty neatly with his own life, “Well that’s why I don’t date either. Also because it’s a hassle. Also because I’m very busy. Though there were a couple times last week…” He trailed off as he thought back to his vacation before refocusing in on the conversation, “You don’t know that. You can’t read minds. Yet. I think”

“Why not? I can’t be bought when I’ve already decided the truth, so really when you think about it that way I am the least biased judge possible.” Winston tapped the side of their head and winked. “It’s nice to do something that would’ve taken me way more time and effort then before, or to do things that wouldn’t be possible without magic. That stuff is really rewarding. Throwing fireballs is cool and all but, it’s dangerous and it’s exhausting. I’d rather help people then blow things up. But that’s just me. Everyone’s different.” They laughed once more at Ricky and nodded. “Yeah, that is hypocritical…” they knew exactly how they felt about Rio, it was pretty obvious to them, this was more then just a crush. They couldn’t explain it but there was something about Rio that made their heart skip a beat. It gave them that warm fuzzy feeling whenever he was around. “I really like him dude,” Winston replied with a shrug, “I don’t know when it stopped being platonic and became Romantic, I don’t think it really matters…” they trailed off once more and sighed. “Is this that Tommy guy? How did that go…?”

“Yes but having decided the truth ahead of the judging means you’re super ultra biased. I’m at a disadvantage cuz she’s your mom.” Ricky heaved on the planks, dismantling the second bed in short order, “I gotta talk to your mom about snaking some of her herbs for cooking. I can’t garden for shit so I gotta rely on other people for fresh food.” He set his work aside though as Winston kept talking, deciding that the beds could wait in favor of giving his best friend his full attention. He stretched out in the sun, looking over at Winston as they talked. “Well. Then you owe it to yourself, and to him, to be entirely honest about it. Which I know is literally more terrifying than an eldritch squid god, but, it’s either that or it festers and eats away at you and ends up sabotaging your friendship with him and then you’re doublefucked. And not in the fun way.” With a snort Ricky sat back up and resumed his work on the beds, “Oh absolutely not. Nice try, Timothy Topic-Change. We’re talking about your love life, not mine.”

“That is correct, Winston replied with a shrug. Despite their ability to rip the beds apart with magic, watching Ricky do it with such ease was always impressive. The muscles were apparently not just cosmetic. “I am sure she won’t mind sending you some of the fresh stuff when it comes in, it’s not as if we don’t have an overabundance of garden space to work with.” Winston had kept working but found themselves distracted by the topic at hand. “I know that eventually Rio and I will- I know that we will need to talk,” Winston had never said mitted that out loud until this point and were almost reticent to really hear themselves admit it. Turning back to their work, Winston began replacing the boards that they had previously removed with new ones and set about securing them in place. “But I want to hear about pretty boy Tommy and all of the love that you two share for one another.”

“Well that’s because she’s an angel of a woman and I adore her. I’ll have to do some canning and bring your parents some salsa and pickles and stuff. Do they like fish? I’ll smoke them some fish. Or cure them some. Or both! We’ll play it by ear.” as they reassembled the new bed Ricky listened to Winston talk, mulling over his point of view as they worked, “Which is the most daunting thing. Because it requires a shit ton of honesty with no guarantee of a successful payoff. But. If you don’t it’s going to fester. You can already feel the oppressive weight of awkwardness in the house. You don’t want that to get any worse.” Pausing he took a swig of the water that Winston had given him earlier, enjoying the feel of the icy cold filling his body, “There’s nothing to hear about with me and Tommy. We practically grew up together. He’s just like six months older than me. Human, but the whole village knows. It’s one of those oh the Muirgens no they’re just totally normal people wink wink nudge nudge things. They keep our secrets and we keep anything untoward from coming up on the beaches and invading the village. There’s certainly no love that we share for each other. He’s taking over the dairy from his dad so his dad can retire and he was just asking if I had any plans to move over there to be near my family. The sex, admittedly, is amazing, but it’s definitely nothing more than that.”

“Yeah they’ll eat pretty much anything, so fish is definitely on the menu.” Winston loved how well Ricky was regarded by the family. It had taken no time at all for the entire family to help. Winston knew that Ricky had a permanent invite to family event from that point forward. “Both sounds good, whichever you decide to do I am sure that they aren’t going to complain about it.” Swallowing, Winston considered whether they were ready to be honest with Rio. The answer felt like a resounding no. Winston wasn’t about to just admit that they had feelings. Rio probably didn’t share them and if things weren’t awkward now then they definitely would be after they had been through that conversation. That was not something that Winston was rushing to do. “That sounds like the beginning thing that the protagonist says at the beginning of a romantic comedy, then it turns out that he was the one that you were meant to be with all along. You can tell because the sex was good.”

“I’ll just make up a nice basket for them. Everyone likes a nice basket of homecooked and homecured and homecanned shit. Maybe I’ll even make the basket. Seems all very small town America and lovely. Throw a gingham cloth in there to line it. It’ll be lovely. Some lovely fuckin stuff for your family because they’re amazing.” Ricky noticed how quickly Winston had latched onto Tommy as a way to duck out of the actual conversation they were having, “It’s me. The sex is always good. I don’t believe in bad sex. That’s a waste of everyone’s time. It’s a moot fucking point. Tommy Flaherty isn’t leaving Ireland, and I’m not leaving White Crest. He’ll find a nice boy from the village, settle down, have a big ol family and be perfectly fine. This is not the romantic comedy you think it’s going to be. But. Returning back to the ACTUAL point of this conversation.” A few more boards went into place and he drilled them in, pausing for a moment to sand down an unacceptably rough edge, “I can scoot outta the house for a night or two if you want some privacy to hash it all out. You definitely don’t need my presence looming over you like a fucking henge when you’re trying to admit you’ve got a crush on someone.”

“I don’t think that my mother would need or want you to learn how to weave a basket for her, a store bought one will be just fine.” Winston couldn’t help but smile. Ricky was a very good friend. “You can believe bad sex doesn’t exist and still have bad sex though,” Winston was sure that they were a bad sex story for one of the few people they’d slept with. They weren’t as successful as others in their endeavours but they weren’t completely inexperienced either. Raising an eyebrow gently, Winston sighed a dramatic sigh. “That’s what you think, secretly we’ve been in contact ever since you left and he is on his way to sweep you off your feet. When are you going to find a nice boy to settle down with Ricky?” Winston asked with a smirk, it was easier to bully Ricky about his love life then discuss their own. “I don’t know if things are going to need that, we’ll let you know I guess. I just don’t see the need to admit that I have a crush on someone. Especially not to Rio’s face.”

“I just graduated college. I’m single. I’m self-employed. I literally have nothing better to do than pick up new skills like that. And your family is worth it.” Ricky raised an eyebrow as Winston really leaned into the Tommy thing, “uh huh. When everyone I love is all well and truly taken care of, when there’s nobody left to help, then I’ll find someone to settle down with. But not a minute before. It’s just not a priority for me. I have more important things to worry about.” He sighed as they continued their work, pausing for a moment to reach across the bed and squeeze Winston’s hand, “Because, again recognizing my own hypocrisy here, if you don’t talk about these things they sit on your heart and rot, and that rot starts to poison everything else. Admitting you have a crush on someone always fucking sucks. But it’s the better option than the alternative.”

Winston paused for a second and shrugged. “Hey dude, you’re the one that wants to stay single so if you want to become a basket weaver and pen an entirely new term for a bachelor then please be my guest.” Smirking gently at Ricky’s response, Winston couldn’t help but shrug as they finished their garden bed and moved to their water, draining it in one swift motion, Winston tossed the bottle into the pile of trashed boards that they had to dispose of when this was all done. “I don’t know how I can make Orion a priority, there’s way too much for me left to do, there’s too many people that need my help and with Bea dead and Celeste too I need to be there for Ariana and Nell and Luce,” Winston thought about all of their friends. They’d been so excited by this. They’d wanted it for Winston but they weren’t sure that they were really good enough for Rio. Swallowing, Winston sighed. “I don’t agree that it is better then the alternative because if we just didn’t address it then it probably wouldn’t be a problem.”

“I’m sensing a lot of fuckin’ sass in that statement, Dane. A. Lot. Of. Sass. Which I’m not appreciating.” Ricky abandoned the construction of the bed entirely, wandering over to lay down in the grass next to Winston, watching almost cartoonishly fluffy clouds meander their way across the sky. “We live weird fucking lives in a weird fucking town. It seems like every week there’s an apocalypse lurking round the corner and there’s always something to be done, someone to be cared for, some evil to be vanquished. But if you really like him you owe it to yourself, and frankly to him, to be honest about it. If for no other reason than in the middle of all of this insanity you’ve got to spend at least a tiny bit of time selfishly caring for yourself. Otherwise you’ll just give too much and there’ll be nothing left to give.” He knew the daming hypocrisy of the statement, as someone who focused almost entirely on other people to avoid thinking about himself, but it was decently sound advice anyway. Even if he didn’t take it, “I don’t think this is a “if I don’t look at it it’ll go away” problem. But that’s just my two cents.”

Raising an eyebrow gently Winston shrugged in response. “If I didn’t sass you then who would?” They were sure that there were plenty of people left in this world who would be willing and happy to sass Ricky. Though maybe they weren’t brave enough to. Laying next to their friend, Winston watched the clouds float over the sephia lenses ontop of their eyes. Sighing, Winston wondered if they could just drop this conversation. Obviously not. “I know, I know, you know how many times I have given people this same piece of advice, just be honest, there’s nothing that you can lose from being honest and being honest makes it better. I know the advice, I could’ve taken my own advice by this time if I wanted to…. It just doesn’t feel like it’ll go well and honestly I’d rather do this forever then maybe run the risk of losing my friend. I know the problem isn’t going to disappear but if I do something it might jsut make it worse and I really don’t want that.”

“Literally about 75% of the town. I’m not lacking for fucking sass in my life. There’s literally a waiting list. People have to check in online and then they get a text when their table is ready at Chateau Sass Ricky.” They lay next to each other on the warm grass in silence for a long moment, watching the clouds roll by and listening to the sound of the birds in the trees butting up against the Dane’s pristine backyard. Ricky reached about for a moment before he found Winston’s hand and squeezed it tightly, “The double-edged sword of honesty. It’s the right thing to do, but, the penalties for unwanted outcomes are pretty fucking severe.” He kept his hand around Winston’s, sitting in the silence for another long moment, “Well. Whatever you decide to do, and whatever happens, you know I’ve got your back.”

“Are you trying to convince me that there is a literal waiting list of thousands that want to sass you, somehow I just don’t buy that Chateau Sass Ricky is so popular without any real social media presence.” Winston giggled in the grass. Despite everything, despite the conversation that they were having right now, Winston knew that Ricky really did have their back no matter what happened. That was why he was their bestfriend. They might have not known each other very well for very long, but everyday he spent living with Ricky was a day that Winston was happier. Usually. When the town wasn’t trying to kill them. “Yeah and that is exactly why I don’t want to say anything, because it’ll probably just end up being painful.” Sighing gently, Winston clutched Ricky’s hand. He probably didn’t realise just how comforting the physical touch actually was. “I know, thanks, I don’t know what I’d do without you. I know I always say that but it’s because it’s true.”

“I’ll have you know that I am pretty fucking sassable. I don’t like the inference here that I’m not fucking worthy of a waiting list of sass. That’s pretty fuckin rude and I”m not about it.” It was something akin to a perfect moment. The sun, the clouds, the smell of summer on the air, and his best friend in the grass next to him. A lot of things went crazy in White Crest on an alarmingly consistent basis; but somehow it seemed that with Winston next to him he could manage to get through it all, “But… you don’t know that. I know it’s easy to sort of flag up the worst possible outcome in your head but… you don’t know what Rio’s gonna say.” tilting his head slightly so he could look at Winston out of the corner of his eye he tried to give a smile that could be seen without too much movement, “It’s mutual my dude. I, in a completely platonic and not at all weird way that’ll complicate your life anymore than it already is, love you with my whole fuckin’ heart. As much as I love being back home in Rinn Mhaoile; my real home is here with you and Dee.”

“I am sure you’re worthy of the sass, but 75% seems like a pretty liberal estimate, I don’t want your feelings to get hurt when your expectations aren’t met.” Winston squinted through their sunglasses at the sky and smiled. “Exactly, I do not have any idea what he is going to say and that in itself is an utterly terrifying prospect.” Winston gazed up at the sky for a while longer, watching the clouds idly drifting over head. “I know dude and of course I feel the same, I’m just glad that you’re back home, things aren’t the same when you are not here and sure we managed not to die at the hands of Squidward but it was hardly a good time.”

“You’re being very rude. I’m here, on the ground, in the dirt, trying to soothe your broken heart, and you’re being so rude and mean to me. It’s hard out here for a seal.” He listened as Winston talked, just happy in the deepest parts of his soul to be sitting here with his brother. “The unknown always is. It reminds me though of a line from a book I listened to once. It always sticks with me because it’s such a good philosophy. If you cannot be unafraid. Be afraid and happy. You can’t change the fact that this terrifies you. You can only change what you do with your terror.” Listening to Winston talk about the squid demon that they vanquished in his absence Ricky was simultaneously glad he’d missed it, and sad Winston had had to face it without him. Raising their still-entwined hands Ricky pressed a quick brush of a kiss to Winston’s knuckles before hopping back to his feet and returning to work. “Squidward is gone, praise tides and shoals for that, but the next thing that comes I’ll be at your side for it.”

“Hey, my heart isn’t broken yet,” Winston said with a grumble, “it will inevitably be broken if this goes poorly, which knowing my luck it almost certainly will.” There was no way that Rio would look at Winston the same after what they’d done with Athena. “That guy clearly never lived with anxiety of any kind, what a joy his brain must have been, or hers, or theirs, you know what I mean though. It’s too idealistic.” Winston rolled onto their chest and pushed themselves off the ground following Ricky to his feet. “I didn’t do any of the real work anyway, but the next thing hopefully won’t come at us for several weeks if not months or years.” Winston grinned. They knew that was really unlikely.

#gardening time #wickedswriting #chatzy para #chatzy #para #p: ricky

13 notes · View notes

therainroguefanfiction · 4 years

Text

🎃 Frightful October Act VI, #18 ~ Stranded (Izuku Midoriya)

📑 Table of Contents

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Romance

Word Count: 4,458

Pairing: Reader x Izuku

World: Boku no Hero Academia

Author’s Note: So um, not sure what the hell happened here lmfao I’ve been writing these out on paper and then typing them on the computer to post. I start writing and just keep going until I feel I’ve found a good stopping point. This single fic was 10 pages long, front AND back. I had to cut so much stuff out and shorten it drastically, and it still ended up being okay 4k words. I don’t know what to say, man lol I hope ya’ll enjoy this!

───── ⋆⋅🎃⋅⋆ ─────

“We’re having a school trip tomorrow,” Aizawa announced boredly as he passed out two sheets of stapled paper to each student. On one sheet was a series of four islands and information about each one, while the second sheet was a permission slip. “The Quad-Peak islands have been steeped in mystery for two decades. This all began when four women planned a four day trip to the islands and never returned home.”

A murmur broke out through the class.

Aizawa ignored it, returning to the front of the room. “Recently, four foreign diplomats were out fishing near the islands when the vanishes without a trace. You will be working in pairs to discover what happened to them.”

You hummed thoughtfully as your eyes scanned the paper. ‘Four islands. Four women. Four days. Four diplomats. Four is considered bad luck because it can be pronounced like the word for death. It’s completely baseless, but many people fear the number, so much so that a lot of buildings don’t even have a fourth floor. Is this mere coincidence? Maybe a setup? A test? I need to get some information from Seven about this.’

“Sensei?” Momo raised her hand. “How will our partners be chosen?”

Aizawa didn’t open his eyes as he sat behind his desk. “All Might already chose the pairings. They will be announced before we leave tomorrow.”

Izuku glanced over his shoulder at you, praying to whatever gods he could think of that you were made his partner. He had been crushing hard on you since the day you saved him from a group of thugs trying to rob him. When he came to U.A. and found out that he was in the same class as you, he felt so incredibly lucky and vowed to get closer to you, but you were a loner and he was awkward and shy.

The bell rang and you gathered your things, heading over to class 1-B. Students gave you strange looks as they left the room, but you ignored them, approaching your best friend. Seven glanced up at you, eyebrow raised.

“I got a job for you if you’re interested.”

His lips curled up as he stood, shoving his phone into his pocket. “Can I cover over to your place?”

“‘Course. I’m running low on funds this month so I’m glad you don’t want me to buy dinner this time,” you stepped out of the room, Seven falling in step beside you.

He scoffed. “You spent it all on soda and video games, didn’t you?”

You coughed, turning your head away from him.

With a chuckle, he bumped his shoulder against yours. Seven stood at five-feet-six-inches with blonde hair and rust-colored eyes. The thick square glasses he wore were patterned with a white tiger print.

The two of you didn’t hang out much at school, so as the two of you walked down the hallway, bantering back and forth, the rumor mill at U.A. began to churn. All it took was one person to propose the question, ‘Are they dating?’ before it started to make its rounds around the school. Just like a game of telephone, by the time it reached Izuku, it had been molded into something completely different.

───── ⋆⋅🎃⋅⋆ ─────

As soon as Seven stepped into your apartment, he dropped his bag and tackled the black cat sitting on the couch watching the TV. You sweatdropped as he crushed the cat to his chest, scratching behind his ears and cooing at him.

“Let go of me, you cretin!” The cat in question was your older brother, Shun, whose quirk, ‘Panther’, turned him into a black cat when it manifested. Shun snapped his golden eyes to you. “Control your friend!”

You cleared your throat. “Seven, we have work to do.”

He frowned, not releasing his grip. “What is it?”

“I need you to look up a story,” you explained about the trip and everything Aizawa had told you. You pulled out the permission slip, setting it down on the coffee table. “Can you sign this, Shun?”

Shun wiggled free from the boy’s grasp, his eyes never leaving him as he refused to put his back to the boy. He slapped his paw down onto the slip, angrily. “Why should I? You always let this cretin come here and abuse me!”

“It’s not that bad, Shun,” you commented, quickly looking away when he snapped his glare toward you. “Anyway, Seven provides really valuable information but he won’t help without a little… motivation. Isn’t it your job as my big brother to help me any way you can?”

“Don’t you play the big brother card on me, Y/N!” Shun snapped. “I am not a pet for this cretin’s vain amusement!”

While you and Shun argued back and forth, Seven took out his phone, holding it firmly in his hand. His eyes widened as lines of blue code scrolled by, giving his eyes the appearance of an LED screen. His quirk was ‘Digitizing’. As long as he touched any device connected to the internet, he could quickly search and access any information across the globe. Firewalls and traps were completely useless against him.

“Come on, it’s not like I bring him here every day.”

“Show some respect for your elders!”

“I’ll make you some pan-seared tuna for dinner.”

“Oh my god my mouth is watering just thinking about it – O-Oi, don’t try to bribe me!”

Seven closed his eyes, clearing his throat. “The articles are all real. Furthermore, there have been numerous incidents that have been kept out of the public eye. They were sealed behind some pretty heavy security. The number four was present in every single report.”

Your brow furrowed. “What is the significance of these islands and number four?”

He shrugged. “That’s for you to find out, I guess.”

You glanced at your brother and he sighed, “Hand me a pen.” Groping around your bag, you handed him one. He held it between his two paws and signed his name. “You better be careful. I won’t forgive you if you don’t come home!”

You smiled softly, kneeling down in front of him as you leaned forward on the table. “Don’t worry. I’ll bring you home some fresh-caught fish, okay?”

He huffed, looking away, but the twitch of his ears told you that he was excited about the idea.

───── ⋆⋅🎃⋅⋆ ─────

“Look, there they are!”

The four islands were just in sight across the horizon. They were arranged in a diamond shape, each island representing the four points of the diamond. The ocean spilled into an underwater cavern that was positioned in the center. Each island was huge, expanding in all directions for several miles.

A rickety wooden dock had been built in the sand of the first island. The sand expanded back until it hit the tree line where it changed to dirt. Tall trees lined the edge of the sand, towering high into the sky. The first island gently sloped up out of the water, steadily rising until the fourth island hovered high above the water.

Aizawa waited for everyone to settle. “This is not a vacation, this is a mission. Your job is to locate the diplomats and bring them back safely. This isn’t a competition.” He sent a pointed look to Bakugo who scoffed. Aizawa gave each student an earpiece before assigning them to one of the four islands.

You glanced over at your partner, Izuku. “Ready to go?”

He gave you a hesitant smile, his cheeks warming. “Let’s do it.”

You trudged through the thick sand, feeling it being kicked up as you walked – you had to pause at the tree line to dump it from your boots before continuing. The fourth island was directly across from the first so the two of you headed in a straight line, dodging low hanging branches and thick roots that jutted out from the ground.

After a twenty-minute trek through the trees, you heard feet pounding the ground. Bakugo rushed past you, sending you a grin over his shoulder. He and Hagakure had also been assigned to island four and, of course, he had to be competitive.

Your eyes widened and you yelled for him to stop, but he only moved faster. Cursing, you pushed yourself forward. “Bakugo!”

“Huh?! The fuck are you yell – ” his words were cut short when the ground beneath his feet gave way. He went tumbling over the edge toward the whirlpool in the center of the islands.

You cried his name, diving to the earth. Your hand caught his wrist, but the ground beneath you was giving away and he was too heavy for you to lift. The feeling of falling rushed over you and you used your momentum to kick him. It was just enough for him to grab the ledge, being helped up by Izuku.

Because of the height of the fall, you sank far down into the water, getting trapped in the rushing current. You tried to break free, but it was too strong and it dragged you deep underneath the islands.

Izuku’s eyes scanned the water, waiting for you to resurface. He pressed on the earpiece, but it refused to connect. “Kaa-chan, is your earpiece working?”

The blonde snapped out of his shock and pressed on the earpiece, but his wouldn’t connect either. He shook his head, cursing as he ran a hand through his hair angrily.

Izuku bit his lip, weighing his options. “Kaa-chan, go find Aizawa-sensei. I’m going after Y/N!”

“O-Oi!” But it was too late. Izuku had jumped into the swirling water below.

───── ⋆⋅🎃⋅⋆ ─────

A groan passed your lips, eyes fluttering open. Darkness surrounded you, your wet clothes sticking to your body like glue. Your head throbbed and your body felt like you were encased in ice. It took some effort to sit up and take in your surroundings. ‘Is this a… cave?’ your eyes fell on your partner, half of his body on the rock while the other half was dangling in the water. “Midoriya!”

His face scrunched up as you pulled his body onto land. Green eyes met yours and he sighed in relief. “You’re okay, thank goodness.”

“I am, but what about you?”

“I think so. Nothing is hurting other than my head.”

You tilted your head, curiously. “Why did you jump after me, Midoriya?”

“W-Why?” his cheeks grew warm, a welcome feeling against the coldness he felt.

You smiled softly, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. “Thank you. When we get out of here, I’ll kiss the other cheek,” you promised, holding your hand out to him. “Let’s see if we can find a way out of this place.”

The circular cave was large, the ceiling towering above you. Half the cave was flooded with water which opened up to a bigger water source. You could try to get out that way, but it was impossible to tell how long the water went on for. If there were no air pockets, you risked drowning. There was also a strong current to consider.

“Y/N-san, over here.”

You approached the greenette, finding a thin beam of light coming from a crack in the wall. Your fingernails dug at the crack and the rock shifted. Izuku put his fingers beside your own and, together, you tugged the black rock away from the wall until it broke free, falling to the ground with a thud. You could hear the sound of water dripping in the background as the smell of moss invaded your nostrils. The path was long and dark, and you had to lean over to avoid hitting your head.

At the end of the path was another crack of light, brighter this time. The two of you pushed the rock as hard as you could and it fell backward with a thud, filling the path with firelight.

The hole opened up to a circular room with three other holes on different sides. In the center of the room was a pile of paper and magazines lit on fire, the flame dancing across the walls. Empty candy wrappers and chip bags littered the floor.

More importantly, three men were pressed against the wall, ready to strike.

You held up your hands in surrender and the man in the middle wiped sweat from his brow with a dirty handkerchief. “You’re the foreign diplomats that went missing a few days ago, right? We were sent here to find you.”

The men exchanged a look, the middle man speaking up. “My name is Beralt Smith,” his gray hair was messy, standing on end as if he had run his hands through it several times, eyes the color of aquamarine.

“I’m Y/N, and this is my partner, Izuku Midoriya. We’re students at U.A.”

“U.A.?” The man on the left repeated with wide eyes. He was short and plump, his brown hair circling a bald scalp. His eyes were black and beady. Bowing at the waist, he said, “Zachary Qi, it’s a pleasure.”

The man to the right was thin as a pole, round glasses covering mousy brown eyes. His hair was the same color, matted to his forehead with sweat. “Franklin Henry,” he spoke softly, his eyes trained on the ground.

“Wait, where is the fourth diplomat?” you questioned.

The men exchanged a sad look before Beralt spoke up, his voice reflecting the sadness in his eyes. “Benedict Kirkland was bitten by a snake shortly after our boat capsized and we arrived on the island. We did everything we could to aid him, but he succumbed to the poison. He was gone by the time the sun had risen.”

“We’re very sorry for your loss,” Midoriya bowed in respect, you doing the same.

“Thank you.”

“How did you come to find yourselves in this cave?” you asked. “Maybe we can use that route to try and escape.”

Zachary pointed toward the hole on the left, facing North. “Through there is the entrance to this cave. We hid there when a sudden storm rolled across the island, but it’s been completely sealed off by debris.”

You frowned. ‘I think I’m starting to see why these islands are considered cursed land…’

“I’m sure you’ve already checked the other two paths, as well,” Midoriya murmured, thoughtfully. He was determined to come up with a plan to get everyone to safety. He refused to let these men die.

“We did, but it would be best if you checked for yourself in case we missed something.”

You and Midoriya exchanged a look before you examined each pathway, searching for any small chance to escape. To the north, the entrance was blocked by large rubble that wouldn’t move an inch. To the east was a dead end. And to the south was a small room, barely big enough to fit a single person. Your eyes narrowed at the high ceiling, squinting in the darkness. It was faint, but you could see a light near the ceiling.

Midoriya saw it too as he stuck his head into the room. “Do you think we can reach it?”

“I don’t know, but we have to at least try.”

He nodded as the two of you switched positions. He kneeled down, motioning for you to stand on his shoulders. You did as he indicated, using the wall to steady you. He slowly stood up, gripping your ankles. Standing on your tiptoes, you reached for the light, but it was just out of reach. With a grunt, you lifted your foot, digging it into the wall as best as you could.

“Be careful.”

You climbed the rest of the way, slipping a few times on the mossy stone. Your fingers gripped the ledge and you heaved yourself up and over, fingers digging into the stone. A burst of cold, fresh air hit your face. It was a small cave entrance!

“Y/N-san?” Midoriya’s voice reached you.

You leaned your upper body over the ledge. “It’s open up here! But… how do I get you guys out?”

“Try looking around for something that can act as a rope. But don’t go too far, and be careful!”

You nodded, crouching against the low ceiling as you headed for the low light coming from the entrance. Your breath came out in puffs of air, the temperature lowering as the sun faded across the horizon.

Eyes scanning the area around you, you took notice of a tall tree, its bare branches curling out as if it were reaching for something. Near the top, a thick vine had fallen from the tree beside it, wrapping around one of the branches. You could only hope it would be long and sturdy enough to help.

Activating your quirk, ‘Infernarrow’, a flaming bow appeared in your left hand. You grasped the bowstring and pulled back, a flaming area materializing as you did so. The arrow soared through the air, easily splintering the wood as it pierced the center of the branch. It came tumbling down, loudly cracking the other branches in its way before falling to the ground with a loud thump, the vine falling around it like a snake.

You untangled it and headed back to the cave where you tied one end to a large stone behind you. Laying on your stomach, you peered over the edge again. Midoriya was still there, body shaking as he wrapped his arms tight around his body. His worried expression changed to relief when his eyes met yours.

“I found a vine. It should be thick enough to hold up.”

“I’ll go get the others!” he ducked back into the tunnel, reappearing moments later. Franklin was going first so Midoriya wrapped the vine around his waist. “Put your feet on the wall and hold tightly to the vine. Y/N-san will help by pulling you up,” he glanced up at you and you nodded. “I’ll be here to catch you if you slip,” his bright smile seemed to ease the older man’s fears, but he was still shaking like a leaf.

You sat up, heels digging into the ground as you gripped the vine tightly in your hands. You weren’t nearly as strong as All Might or Midoriya, but you were far from weak and determined not to let the men fall.

The vine pulled taut as he started to climb. He honestly wasn’t that heavy, so you were able to steadily pull him up until his shaky hand gripped the ledge. With one hand still gripping the vine, you extended the other to grab his wrist, helping him up and over.

“I might need your help with the other two,” you said softly, glancing at him as he took a breath.

He nodded, undoing the vine from his waist and throwing it over the ledge. “I-I’m not very strong, but I’ll do my best!” he kneeled beside you, gripping the vine above your hands.

Beralt was up next. As Midoriya wrapped the vine around him, he clapped his hands and took a deep breath. “Now it’s time to see if those rock climbing lessons were worth the money!”

Your body shifted forward at the sudden weight but you pushed yourself back, pulling slower than you had with the previous man. Franklin’s arms were shaking, veins looking like they wanted to burst through his pale skin.

Beralt’s fingers gripped the ledge and Franklin grabbed his arm. Through gritted teeth, the man said, “No disrespect… sir Smith, but… maybe you should… consider better… eating habits!” he gave one final tug and the man heaved himself onto the ledge, breathing heavily.

He huffed, looking embarrassed. “Zachary is the one that snuck all that junk food onto the boat,” he threw the vine over the ledge before settling on your other side, hands wrapping around the vine. “He’s also heavier than I am, so prepare yourselves!”

The third man’s weight did concern you and you briefly wondered if the three of you would be strong enough to pull him up. If you did drop him, would Midoriya be able to safely catch him? Or would the older man’s weight crush the boy without remorse? That thought worried you and you flexed your fingers before resuming your grip on the vine, eyes shining with determination.

Zachary started to climb, making the three of you lurch forward at the sudden weight. The heel of your boot slid before getting stuck in a crack in the rock. You used this to your advantage, putting most of your weight on that side.

“I… can’t -” Franklin’s arms gave out and he fell forward at the sudden lurch of the vine. Both you and Beralt lost your grip but you gripped it again, the vine sliding through your hands at an alarming speed, burning the skin. You winced in pain, your stomach turning. Zachary cried out in fear and you could picture Midoriya being crushed.

“Damn it, STOP!!” you screamed, clenching your hands as tightly as you could, pushing yourself back with your legs. The vine came to a stop and the two men quickly grabbed it, taking some of the pressure off of you. With every move, your hands screamed at you, but you ignored the tears stinging your eyes.

Finally, Zachary reached the ledge, being grabbed by the back of his shirt by Beralt. His face was red, tears staining his cheeks.

Your hands were stinging and burning simultaneously, but you held the vine tight, biting down hard on your lip to try and distract your mind. Midoriya was heavier than Franklin, but much lighter than the other two, so Beralt did most of the lifting. You were thankful because you could feel how your grip had weakened considerably. You felt so thankful when Midoriya pulled himself up onto the ledge.

Midoriya took a breath as he kneeled in the cave, suppressing a shiver. “For now, let’s try and build a fire to keep warm. We can try to find our way when the sun rises.”

“I’ll go look for some wood,” you announced, leaving the cave. Darkness covered the island, the wind nipping at your damp clothes like hungry vultures. It felt good on your hands, though, that felt like they were on fire. You didn’t want to be near Midoriya right now because you knew how much of a worrywart he was – he’d freak out about your hands and the two of you had more important things to worry about.

You weaved through the trees, returning to the branch you had broken with your quirk. The spot was hidden behind a thick trunk of wood, but you only had to lean back to see the faint outline of the cave. You kneeled on the cold grass, holding out your shaking hands. The skin was dark red and was beginning to blister. There were small beads of blood, growing bigger when you stretched the skin.

‘I should wrap them up, but then he’ll definitely notice…’ you sighed. ‘I can’t even use my quirk with my hands like this,’ you cursed, throwing your head back to prevent the tears from falling.

The crunching of leaves alerted you to Midoriya approaching and you quickly flipped your hands over, nearly wincing as the skin rubbed against your clothes. He rubbed the back of his neck, face burning. “You… did a really good job back there, Y/N-san.”

You smiled up at him. “It was a group effort. I doubt I could have done it without their help…” you subconsciously flexed your hand and hissed in pain.

Midoriya noticed. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, don’t worry!” A breeze whipped around you and you shivered. “I am cold though, so let’s hurry up and get that fire going!” with a grin, you tried to pick up the branch but a wave of pain went through your hands. You tried to hide it, but Midoriya was watching you closely.

He knelt beside you, gently grabbed your wrists. His eyes widened when he saw them. “Why didn’t you tell me you were hurt?”

“I didn’t want to worry you. And it’s not even that bad…” you mumbled, not meeting his gaze. He ripped the fabric of his hero costume, exposing his knees. “W-Wait a minute, Mido -”

His warm smile made you pause as he ripped it into strips. “We need to cover them so they don’t get infected,” he gently wrapped it around your hand.

“Sorry for the trouble,” you sighed, looking up at the dark sky. “When sensei first mentioned this place, I found it weird that the number four kept coming up. Online, a lot of people speculated that this place is cursed and I think I’m starting to believe it.”

He hummed, beginning to wrap your other hand. “I don’t know much about curses, but I do believe we make our own luck. Even if the world is against us, I believe we can still come out on top as long as we work hard and never lose hope.”

You watched him as several emotions flickered across his face.

His eyes met yours with a fierceness you had never seen from him before. “That’s why I want to… tell you how I feel. I really like you, Y/N-san, a lot. Will you please go out with me?”

“Midoriya… no, Izuku,” you rested the back of your hand against his cheek and smiled. “I would be happy to,” he smiled so brightly it lit up the darkness. “For our first date, what do you think about an island getaway?”

He laughed as he stood up, bringing the branch with him. “I vote for a warmer first date.”

As another breeze passed through the trees, you suppressed a shiver. “Agreed…”

───── ⋆⋅🎃⋅⋆ ─────

You knew that, in the fall, the sun rose in the East, so when the sun started to rise, you had your bearings. The five of you walked for hours until the sun started to set once more. With a stroke of luck, you faintly made out the light of a flashlight sweeping the trees and the sound of a familiar voice calling your name.

All Might found all of you, radioing back to Aizawa and the others that were out searching for all of you. He led the way toward the ship, the three diplomats following him closely as they geeked out about getting to meet the number one hero.

“Do you remember what I said, Izuku?” you asked, softly.

His brow furrowed in thought and you chuckled.

“We found our way out of the cave,” you kissed his left cheek. “We found the diplomats,” you kissed his right cheek. “And we’re on our way home,” your claimed his lips with your own.

Despite his burning cheeks, he pulled you closer to his body.

Maybe he was right after all. Maybe you did make your own luck.

───── ⋆⋅🎃⋅⋆ ─────

4 notes · View notes

otherpeoplesheartachept-2 · 4 years

Text

Firsts

Carry On Countdown Day 29

Pairing: Snowbaz

Length: 2588 words

Genre: Smut

Warnings: Sexual Content

AN: Obviously Firsts was gonna be smut, but this isn’t their first time fucking, just their first time trying some dom/sub play. (It’s very very mild tho). (Also I don’t write a lot of smut)

Simon’s got his forearm pressed to my collar bone, rumpling my shirt even more. “Is this dominating, do you feel dominated?” He’s glowing. I’m glowing. My smile is so wide it hurts my cheeks. Behind the playful jabbing is genuine care in Simon’s eyes. I role mine to distract from the sight of him.

“Very dominated, Snow.” I want to ease us both into this so I’m glad he’s having fun with it. I crane my neck to kiss him. He looks like he’ll kiss me but then pulls away. “Nah ah ah. I’m the one in charge remember?”

“Yes, sir.” I nod.

He shivers from his neck to the tip of his tail at ‘sir’. I want him to react like that more often when I speak. I hear a faint “shit” from him. Then he slips into a more domineering persona and in a deeper voice asks, “Did I say you could speak.”

I shake my head as I feel my entire body ignite. This was an excellent idea.

“Good boy.” Now it’s my turn to shiver with delight. He steps away, leaving me pressed against the bedroom wall. I take in the miles of glorious bronze skin on display. His wings are relaxed behind him. My eyes travel to the sight of Snow’s dark green joggers hanging dangerously low on his hips. I bit my lip, hoping he gets the hint of where I want this to go.

“Take off your clothes,” he demands. My mouth opens but I remember his rule. I frantically finish taking off my half unbuttoned shirt and push down my trousers as soon as they’re unzipped. I worry about coming off as desperate but then I think, I want to seem desperate. I want him to know how much I want this. He has the power to make me do anything he wants.

For a moment he stares, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. I’m embarrassingly hard already. I don’t know if I want to shy away from his gaze or bask in it. I opt for running a hand through my long hair.

His tail reaches out to wrap around my hand. I rub it with my thumb. He looks like he’s trying to decide what’s next. I wait for him. I want him to know he’s in charge.

“On your knees.” he says as his tail whips away from me. I drop immediately. Something about his no nonsense tone is getting me all sorts of bothered. To think I used to mock him for his speech.

He steps closer, pulling me by the back of my head into his crotch. I close my eyes and breathe in deep. I can smell his laundry detergent, underneath it, a musk uniquely his, and underneath that, the pulse of his sweet butter and sugar blood rushing south. I have to hold back a moan. I’m aching. My only release is placing on open mouthed kiss over his clothed cock.

This close I can tell he’s at least half hard already. I look up at him and he just pushes me closer. I do my best to mouth at his prick through the green joggers. He lets out a small moan, his wings spread a little wider, the hand in my hair clenches a little tighter.

I reach up to grab his ass and pull him closer to my mouth. His rear has always been a favorite feature of mine; there’s a dark mole on his left cheek. Though honestly, every feature of his is a favorite.

He grunts as my nose smushes into his stomach and my tongue makes a long wet strip down his front. Pleasure pools in my lower half. But then he looks disappointed. “No hands,” he breathes out.

I stop touching him with my hands and want to ask where I should put them but I’m not allowed to speak. I stare up at him with the question in my eyes. He gets the message.

“I don’t know,” he’s worked up, fully hard now. “Uh, behind your back.” I clasp my hands together behind me and lean into him so he can see I’ve followed directions. “Merlin.” He groans pulling my black hair towards him as he rolls his hips to meet my mouth. “Wouldn’t want you getting distracted by touching yourself now would we?” he puts back on the domineering manner as he picks up the speed. He has a rhythm going, grinding in to my face.

I shake my head. “Now,” he composes himself a little, “Are you ready to do your actual job?” I moan as a response. We didn’t talk about a specific scene or character or ‘brand’ of domination play, so I’m not sure what my ‘job’ is but I roll with it.

He smiles as he pushes his joggers down over his cock, no pants. His wings are almost fully stretched out now and his tail restlessly twitching. I follow his biggest moles and freckles from his cheek to his hip with my eyes. His cock is red and hard and pushed up a little by the elastic waistband. And I swear that sight would kill me if I wasn’t already undead.

I push my nose into the coarse curls just above his prick. He hasn’t put his hand back in my hair. He knows I have to take this part slow if we want it to work.

I used to never be able to suck Snow off, I was too scared of my fangs. I’ve learned how to control them, though it can still get tricky.

I focus on keeping them in as I place my lips over his head. I hear him gasp, and though I desperately want to, I know looking at him will be too much. Slowly, I take him down to the root.

This part is always the most tempting. He tastes salty and smells delicious. Ever since I’ve known what wet dreams were, I’ve been having them about Snow. The real thing is always a thousand times better than I ever thought.

I start moving faster, causing him to place both his hands in my hair. His warmth seeps into me. I come up and run my tongue under the head of his cock. He shudders and his tail violently whips up before latching onto my bent knee. I probably shouldn’t be as aroused by that as I am. As I fall into a rhythm his wings brush the ceiling of our room.

I love him like this. Sweaty and moaning. Bliss written on his face, tension building in the pit of his stomach and the joints of his leathery wings. I think I should have someone paint him like this. He’s stunning. And I’m desperately hard from it; trying to rut into the carpet for any semblance of release. I watch a drop of sweat slid off his bicep before closing my eyes and letting myself just feel.

I think just then he remembers he’s supposed to be dominant because he starts spitting filthy, lovely things at me.

“Fuck, babe.” he tugs on my hair. “So good at this, such a good boy for me. Gonna keep you here forever. Make you-” He thrusts his hips- “Make you do this everyday. All the time.” I moan so he’ll know to keep going. “Shit, Baz, you love this don’t you? Love being bossed around by me.” Even though he’s putting on the act of bossing me around I can tell he’s worried about going too fast. He keeps running his hand through my hair, and I know he’s holding back with the thrusts. I’m tempted to tell him he doesn’t have to, that I want this to be rough. I won’t get too intense though, we’re supposed to easing in.

“Look- practically hungry for it. Must love serving The Chosen One.”

I swear I almost cum at that. I don’t even know if I get to cum in this scene but I’m so needy and right now I need him to unload. I speed up and start swirling my tongue in the way I know he likes. He moans deep and desperate. My mouth making downright disgusting noises on his dick.

I can tell he’s close. I feel him twitch and can taste the pre pouring from his slit. Before he finished though, he yanks my head away from him.

He’s panting and leans into my shoulders with his arms. I move my hands to his thighs, to help steady him.

“Not yet, Baz, I know what you were getting at, but I set the pace. It’s your turn now.” I moan at just the thought of being touched. His face is so red, it must be painful stopping that close to the edge.

I sit, waiting for him to tell me what to do.

“On the bed,” is all he gives me. I get up and sit on the bed, his eyes burning into me the whole time.

He swallows, one of those big showy swallows only Simon can do. “On your stomach. Knees at the end of the bed.”

I obey him. “I uh, you touched my thighs but I don’t really- I don’t know if- how to do punishment stuff, sorry…” I can’t see him but from the tone of his voice I can tell he’s fidgeting.

I awkwardly twist my body around to try and look at Snow. He's stripped off his joggers. I make an effort not to stare at the newly revealed skin. “That’s perfectly alright, Love, we’re taking it slow, remember? Just do whatever is comfortable, okay?” He’s been so nervous about making this good for me ever since I suggested experimenting with new things; I’m not sure how I haven’t convinced him that anything he gives me is more than enough.

He nods, clearing his head. “Yeah okay. How- uh how are you? What’s your color?”

“Absolutely green, Dear.” I say putting on a seductive smile to show him how into this I am.

He smiles back but his is tooth achingly sweet. My heart stops when he looks at me like that. “Gonna open you up nice and wide for me.” His smile turned devilish.

“Aleister Crowley.” I moan without thinking. I swear this boy will be the death of me.

He motions for me to face forward. I do. I hear him drop to his knees right before his warm hands are on my hips, pulling me closer to the edge of the mattress. I feel his breath on me.

Then he’s spreading me apart with his hands and licking a long strip across my hole. It makes me shiver.

He starts circling with his tongue. It’s so incredibly warm; I can’t help but think how good he’d feel inside me right now. He presses his tongue my hole then slowly he’s pressing it inside me.

I rutt into the mattress and sigh. His blunt nails dig into my ass.

“Don’t move.” He says it low and gravely and I think my lungs have given out.

There’s tears in my eyes, because this is already so much and I need to cum but I know I can’t if I have to stay still. I’ll do it, for him.

Before I know it he’s slowly pressing a lubed finger into me; his tongue leaving kitten licks just above it. In my haze I didn't even notice he grabbed lube. It’s cold at first but I swear he could set my insides alight like this.

Gently he starts pushing in and out of me. It's so good yet entirely not enough. Snow adds a second finger. His other hand squeezing the flesh of my ass cheek. I'm grinding my teeth from the effort of holding still. I might die if one of us doesn't move soon.

Then he adds a third finger and brushed my prostate. My toes curl. My entire body feels like a rubber band pulled taut.

"Merlin, please. Please please more." I sob.

He nips at my lower back and pulls his fingers out. I whimper, and want to beg him to put them back.

"You think you're ready?" He says more like a statement than a question. I don't know if I'm allowed to respond. "Speak."

I bury my head in the pillow. "Yes. Please, Sir." He growls.

I hear the lube cap open then feel the bed shift as Simon straddles my hips. He pulls me towards him and sinks in. He sighs as I grasp at the bed sheets. I’m so warm and so full but he isn’t moving.

I push my hips back in attempt to fit more of him inside. He chuckles before pulling almost fully out and sliding in again. My voice is deep and fucked but I can’t stop the noises leaving me.

I can tell his wings are spread wide above us; I hear them scratching the ceiling and flapping slightly.

My back arcs as Simon presses a hand at the base of my neck and grips my hip tightly with the other. His palms are dry and rough. He picks up the speed, setting a brutal pace. He’s making short grunts I could only find attractive coming from him.

Then he starts again with the dirty talk. “Mh perfect for me, so cold. Gonna make you all mine, never let you leave.” I whine in response just as he finds my g-spot again.

“Shit, Baz. You’re made for this. Made to take my cock so well, huh?” I think it’s a question but I’m too far gone to respond.

With every thrust he’s hitting my prostate and pushing my cock into the mattress. I’m writhing beneath him; my entire body so overwhelmed with pleasure it’s forgotten how to function. My fangs have popped, my hair a sweaty mess pressed to my forehead and I think I’m drooling but I can’t care. I’m close, so close I think I’ll cum without him even touching my prick.

In my ecstasy I start babbling. “Simon! Hng, I’m so so- Simon! I’m-” at that the hand he’s got spread at the junction of my neck and shoulders squeezes and I’m gone.

I go silent as I spill onto the bed, shaking with pleasure. Then my vision comes back and I’m aware of how hard my heart is beating.

Snow’s still going but I know he won’t last much longer. My body goes slack as he fucks into me, getting more frantic and uneven with each thrust. Finally, I feel it. He stills inside me and moans. I can’t see it but I know from experience that he looks glorious. He takes a moment to recover then lays beside me. My fangs retract.

“Was that okay?” He asks pushing hair out of my face then placing a soft kiss on my temple. Shy, unsure Simon is back.

“It was wonderful Snow-” I put a pale hand on his cheek “-Thank you for trying this with me.” I stare into his plain blue eyes as my thumb circles a freckle near his mouth.

He blushes a little. “Let me clean you up, Pitch.” He says. I open my mouth to say he doesn’t have to but he stops me. “I want to, I kinda really like that part of it.” His blush gets deeper and he won’t look my in the eyes. Simon Snow absolutely will be the death of me one day. Aleister Crowley, I am living a charmed life.

34 notes · View notes

muhammadshahrozkhan · 4 years

Text

How to Lose Weight Faster, But Safely

https://linktr.ee/fitness1234

Lose 5 pounds in one week! It's a trope we see everywhere. And while it’s possible that someone can lose that much (if not more) in that time period, it really depends on your metabolism and loads of other factors, including physical activity and body composition, all of which are entirely unique to you.

Weight loss ultimately comes back to the concept of calories in, calories out: Eat less than you burn and you’ll lose weight. And while it’s possible to lose water weight quickly on a low-carb diet, I certainly wouldn’t advocate for it. The diet itself can trick you into thinking that this eating style is working — when really, you might gain back what you lost as soon as you eat carbs again. That can feel incredibly dispiriting if you want results that last longer than a week.

Based on my experience in nutrition counseling, most of us tend to snack on foods that aren’t nutrient-dense, but are high in calories. For example, skipping sugary beverages is often the easiest way to lose weight faster. You don’t feel full from drinks — even the ones that do contain calories — so swapping those out for sparkling water or unsweetened tea and coffee is the best place to start. Other major culprits often come in refined grains like cereals, chips, crackers, and cookies.

If you're looking to speed up weight loss, I'd also encourage you to be mindful of the foods you eat that you don't choose for yourself. Think: food pushers at work or your kids’ leftovers. Noticing where your extra calories actually come from is another step to making better choices in the short and long term.

In my experience, there are a few other tips that hold true for almost all of us across the board — and they’re concepts that we can put into practice beginning right now.

So, here’s where to start:

1. Eat more vegetables, all of the time.

It’s that simple, I promise! If you think about making any meal mostly veggies (at least 50% of anything that you’re having), you’re on the right track to better health and weight loss.

2. Build a better breakfast.

All meals are important, but breakfast is what helps you start your day on the right track. The best, heartiest breakfasts are ones that will fill you up, keep you satisfied, and stave off cravings later in the day. Aim to eat anywhere between 400 and 500 calories for your morning meal, and make sure you're including a source of lean protein plus filling fat (e.g., eggs, unsweetened Greek yogurt, nuts, or nut butters) and fiber (veggies, fruit, or 100% whole grains). Starting your day with a blood sugar-stabilizing blend of nutrients will help you slim down without sacrifice.

3. Know your limits with salt.

Since salt is a preservative, packaged and processed foods are often highest in sodium — something to keep in mind when planning your meals. When it comes by buying snacks, a "low sodium" product has to be 140 mg or less per serving — so if you're REALLY in a bind, you can follow that guideline for what to put in your cart.

4. Drink more coffee.

Start your day with a cup of joe. Caffeine is a natural diuretic and an excellent source of antioxidants, which protect your cells from damage. You can have up to 400 mg — about a venti Starbucks coffee — daily, according to the Dietary Guidelines for Americans.

Not much of a coffee drinker? Tea is also a natural diuretic, and types of herbal tea such as dandelion or fennel root can also lend a hand. In fact: When a recent study compared the metabolic effect of green tea (in extract) with that of a placebo, researchers found that the green-tea drinkers burned about 70 additional calories in a 24-hour period.

5. Skip sugary beverages.

We just don't feel full by liquid calories in quite the same way as we do real food. Drinking a juice or caramel coffee drink just isn't as satisfying as eating a bowl of veggie- and protein-packed stir-fry. So monitor your intake of juice, soda, sweetened coffee and tea, and alcoholic beverages. If you consume each of those beverages during the day, you'll have taken in at least 800 extra calories by nighttime — and you'll still be hungry. (Incidentally, alcohol may suppress the metabolism of fat, making it tougher for you to burn those calories.)

6. Buy a set of 5-pound weights.

5-Pound Dumbbells (Pair)CAP Barbellamazon.com$31.99

SHOP NOW

It's a one-time investment you'll never regret. Here's why: Strength training builds lean muscle tissue, which burns more calories — at work or at rest — 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The more lean muscle you have, the faster you'll slim down. How do you start strength training? Try some push-ups or a few squats or lunges. Use your free weights to perform simple bicep curls or tricep pulls right in your home or office. Do these exercises three to four times per week, and you'll soon see a rapid improvement.

7. Eat spicy foods — seriously!

It can actually help you cut back on calories. That's because capsaicin, a compound found in jalapeño and cayenne peppers, may (slightly) increase your body's release of stress hormones such as adrenaline, which can speed up your ability to burn calories. What's more, eating hot peppers may help slow you down. You're less likely to wolfed down that plate of spicy spaghetti — and therefore stay more mindful of when you're full. Some great adds besides hot peppers: ginger and turmeric.

8. Go to bed.

There's tons of research that demonstrates getting less than the desired amount — about 7 hours — of sleep per night can slow down your metabolism. Plus, when you're awake for longer, you're naturally more likely to snack on midnight munchies. So don't skimp on your ZZZ's, and you'll be rewarded with an extra edge when it comes to losing weight.

9. Keep a food journal.

Loads of research demonstrates people who log everything they eat — especially those who log while they're eating — are more likely to lose weight and keep it off for the long haul. The habit also takes less than 15 minutes per day on average when you do it regularly, according to a 2019 study published in Obesity.

Start tracking on an app like MyFitnessPal or use a regular notebook. It'll help you stay accountable for what you've eaten. Plus, you can easily identify some other areas of your daily eats that could use a little improvement when it's written out in front of you.

10. Take a walk!

Don't get me wrong — exercising at any time is good for you. But evening activity may be particularly beneficial because many people's metabolism slows down toward the end of the day. Thirty minutes of aerobic activity before dinner increases your metabolic rate and may keep it elevated for another two or three hours, even after you've stopped moving. Plus, it'll help you relax post-meal so you won't be tempted by stress-induced grazing that can rack up calories.

11. Resist the urge to skip a meal.

Skipping meals will not make you lose weight faster. If a hectic day makes a sit-down meal impossible, stash a piece of fruit and pack of nut butter in your car or purse and keep snacks in your office desk drawer — anything that will keep you from going hungry!

Going long periods of time without food does double-duty harm on our healthy eating efforts by both slowing down your metabolism, and priming you for another binge later in the day. (Think: You've skipped breakfast and lunch, so you're ready to takedown a whole turkey by dinner!) Make it your mission to eat three meals and two snacks every day, and don't wait longer than three to four hours without eating. Set a "snack alarm" on your phone if needed.

12. Eat your H2O.

Sure, you certainly need to drink plenty of water to help combat bloating, you can (and should!) also consume high-water content foods. Reach for cucumbers, tomatoes, watermelon, asparagus, grapes, celery, artichokes, pineapple, and cranberries — all of which contain diuretic properties that will also help you stay full due to their higher fiber content.

13. Munch on mineral-rich foods.

Potassium, magnesium, and calcium can help to serve as a counter-balance for sodium. Foods that are rich in potassium include leafy greens, most "orange" foods (oranges, sweet potatoes, carrots, melon), bananas, tomatoes, and cruciferous veggies — especially cauliflower. Low-fat dairy, plus nuts, and seeds can also help give you a bloat-busting boost. They've also been linked to a whole host of additional health benefits, such as lowering blood pressure, controlling blood sugar, and reducing risk of chronic disease overall.

14. Ignore the gimmicks.

Dressing on the Side (and Other Diet Myths Debunked)amazon.com$26.00 $11.99 (54% off)

SHOP NOW

At any given time, there are dozens of weight-loss hypes in the marketplace that claim to take off 10 pounds in 10 days, or whatever. Desperation can tempt us to try anything — from "clean eating" to cutting out food groups entirely. Keep in mind: Just because an avocado-kale-salad dripping in coconut oil is deemed "clean" by a so-called "expert" on your Instagram feed does not make it an unlimited food. Moral of the story? Avoid fads, eat real food, watch some Netflix, and unwind (perhaps with a glass of wine in hand). Now that's my kind of detox.

15. Let yourself off the hook.

You already know that a perfect diet doesn't exist, but many of us still can't resist the urge to kick ourselves when we indulge, eat too much, or get thrown off course from restrictive diets. The problem: This only makes it more difficult, stressful, and downright impossible to lose weight. So rather than beating yourself up for eating foods you think you shouldn't, let it go. Treating yourself to about 200 calories worth of deliciousness each day — something that feels indulgent to you — can help you stay on track for the long haul, so allow yourself to eat, breathe, and indulge. Food should be joyful, not agonizing!

16. Look for our emblem on food labels.

Ultimately, long-term weight loss requires some short-term behavior change and healthier habit formation. That's why we created our Good Housekeeping Nutritionist Approved Emblem, which exists to help turn smart food choices into healthier eating habits. All GHNA foods and drinks make it easier to find — and eat — good-for-you foods without additional time, effort, and cost. We target the lifestyle-related factors that make healthier eating hard, and find simple but creative solutions that actually work! Look for the emblem on labels wherever you shop for food.

#diet#nutrition#weight loss#tumblr#fitblr#health & fitness#weight loss journey#fit journey#lose weight tips#healthlylifestyle#fitmotivation#fitgoals#fitliving#losing weight#gettinghealthy#bodypositivity#respect your body#perspective#positive thinking#selflove#selfcare#selfawareness #progress not perfection#tumblr#fitblr#health & fitness#fitgoals#weight loss journey#health journey#fitmotivation#exercise motivation#getting healthy#get fit#fit tips#lose weight tips#weight loss#diet#nutrition#healthy living#fitlife#healthy habits#healthy lifestyle#personal trainer #findyourbalance#health & fitness#lose weight tips#weight loss journey#weight loss#healthlylifestyle#fitblr#tumblr#health journey#mental health matters#fitgoals#healthy living#diet#nutrition#nutrition tips#fitmotivation#fitliving#progress not perfection#trust the process#healthy habits#fit journey

Learn More Weight Loss fast

Click HERE: https://linktr.ee/fitness1234

3 notes · View notes

ansheofthevalley · 5 years

Text

Till The Sun Grows Cold And The Stars Grow Old - Chapter 7: Why Does It Hurt So Much? [Part 1]

Summary: Sansa is finding taking care of her loved ones more difficult than she anticipated. It seems as though the games of King's Landing have followed its players to Winterfell. But how much can one hide within its walls? And for how long?

But that's not all that worries her. Words prove to be incredibly powerful: an enemy trying to get to her; a family discussion; a confession made late at night... But there's also a soft gaze and a touch that set her skin aflame.

Why does it all hurt so much?

"Lord Varys, I didn't expect you to see you so soon" Sansa said to the Spider, remembering the conversation she had with him the previous day, before she and her family told the Lords and Ladies of their current situation. And of Jon's parents, the voice in her head added. How Jon wasn't her brother but her cousin, the son of Rhaegar Targaryen and her aunt Lyanna. She tried her best to keep her emotions at bay, the thought of Jon out of her head.

"Well, I'm afraid, my Lady, we weren't able to finish our conversation" Varys declared, bowing his head just a little.

"I think we did" she offered. She could remember how he was trying to convince her on making her union to Tyrion Lannister "official". “You were very clear on your stance, Lord Varys, and I like to believe I was very clear on mine. I think there's nothing left to discuss".

"Forgive me, Lady Sansa, but I'm afraid it's not our last conversation that brought me here today".

"Then what is it that brought you here today, Lord Varys?"

"Your family. And the future of Westeros"

Sansa felt worry starting to take root in the pit of her stomach. Nothing good can come out of people trying to play with her family as if they were mere pieces of Cyvasse.

“Please, sit”. Ever the courteous lady. “And what is it exactly what my family can do for the future of Westeros, Lord Varys?”

He dedicated her a sweet little smile. Innocent even. There’s nothing innocent about this man, the voice in her head reminds her. “Your House is one of the few Great Houses that’s still standing. As you know, House Tyrell and House Martell no longer exist. So, you can understand the importance of connections, Lady Sansa”.

“Of course, Lord Varys. I assume you’re hinting at my House’s connection to the Vale and the Riverlands. Am I right?” she pointed out. Sansa knows that House Stark is vital for the future of Westeros. After the execution of Littlefinger, the Houses of the Vale reaffirmed their support of House Stark and Northern Independence. And now that House Frey was extinct, her uncle Edmure could retake his position as Lord of Riverrun. The three kingdoms make more than half of Westeros.

“You are correct, my Lady. From all of the people of this country, your family is the most well-connected” he agreed. “Which is why you understand why I think it would be beneficial, to everyone involved, to join Houses in good faith”.

Sansa sighed. Not again, she thought. She wouldn’t let it happen again. I’m not some plaything that can go from man to man so I can appease people, she thought, bitterly. Good faith be damned.

“Lord Varys, I’m afraid you’re losing your time, as well as making me lose mine. I’ve already told you, I have no intention-“

“Just think about it, Lady Sansa” he begged her. “What better way to heal the realm than to unite two Houses that were once enemies, but now can rebuild Westeros”. His voice was hopeful. He truly believed there was a chance she’d agree to it. “You are a highborn Lady, with a great mind for politics. Tyrion is a clever man, one that made it his main goal to restore Westeros to its peaceful days. Think of the thing you could accomplish together: the greatest minds of Westeros, united as man and wife, united as Lord and Lady to save the realm”

Sansa felt an urge to laugh. If it weren’t for the fact that, once more, someone was trying to make her marry a man she had no interest in marrying, she’d find the situation hysterical. But truly, all she wanted to do in that moment was scream and be left alone.

She tried to keep her emotions in check before speaking. “Lord Varys, I’m sure you have other matters to tend to, so I’ll go straight to the point”. Her voice was low and calm, just as the skies are before a winter storm. “Your efforts are futile. Flattery and pretty words won’t work. I won’t honor the vows I was forced to say at the Great Sept of Baelor”. Her voice was firmer now, leaving behind that quiet strength. “My marriage to Tyrion Lannister was a farce. One that happened so the Lannisters could secure Winterfell for themselves. Not only was I a prisoner of House Lannister when I was forced into that marriage, I was just a child. I’ll grant you; Lord Tyrion was always decent towards me. He never forced himself on me, he respected me. But that’s where my gratitude ends. I don't owe him anything. Nor do I owe anything to anyone else”.

Lord Varys looked amused. As if he was enjoying a mummer’s farce in a spring fair. This only irritated Sansa more, even though she tried her best to not to let it show.

The Spider started tapping his fingers on the top of Sansa’s desk. “I was afraid you’d say that” he admitted. “Well, not quite like that” he granted. “I must say, Lady Sansa, behind your image of a Lady, you truly are a daughter of the North”.

“Is there anything else you wished to discuss, Lord Varys?” she asked, paying no mind to the compliment.

“Yes, actually” he replied, his face turning more serious. “There’s the matter of Jon Snow”

“What about Jon?” she hastened to ask.

"Well... He's a very impressive young man" he started. "He's a bastard that rose above his station. He was Lord Commander of the Night's Watch; the North chose him as King". There was something akin to admiration in Lord Varys' voice. "And he's unmarried".

At his words, Sansa felt her cool demeanor crack just a bit. Littlefinger’s words echoed in her head. Jon is young and unmarried. Daenerys is young and unmarried. At the time, Sansa brushed that idea off. Why would Jon want to marry a Targaryen? But of course, last night everything changed, when Jon revealed to her that he had been sleeping with the Dragon Queen. An alliance makes sense. Together, they'd be difficult to defeat, Littlefinger had said. It’s as if his words came back to mock her. Stupid girl, the cruel voice in her head said, you think you know everything but you know nothing at all.

“Jon and Queen Daenerys” she whispered. It hurts to say their names aloud, it hurts so much. Her worry was no longer alone, for it found a companion in pain, a pain so sharp it made it difficult for her to breath.

Varys observed her for a few seconds before replying. “I assume the idea already crossed your mind".

"Littlefinger mentioned it while Jon was in the South" she admitted. "But I'm afraid you'll have to talk to Jon about this, not me". Even the thought of Jon considering this proposition made her heart ache in ways she didn't quite understand. Stupid girl.

"This possible alliance involves you, too, Lady Sansa" he explained. "It involves you and your family".

The worry she felt started growing, threatening to consume her, little by little. "What do you mean?" she inquired. She had no time, no energy for games.

Varys folded his hands on his lap and focused his trained eyes on her face. "I believe I'm not mistaken when I say that few people know about Jon Snow's true identity". He took his time while uttering the words, letting them fall out of his mouth slowly and clearly, as if waiting to be interrupted or corrected. But Sansa didn't say a word. She just stayed still, while her mind went into a frenzy, trying to find a way out of this situation. It wasn't supposed to go like this. Her cool demeanor seemed to crack some more. She could feel the weight of the truth on her shoulders, the weight of what that truth could do. But she could also feel the fierce desire to protect her family, to protect Jon, in her heart. She drew strength from that.

Varys seemed to notice the fear in Sansa's eyes. "Do not fret, my dear Lady Sansa" he tried to assure her, giving her one of his seemingly innocent smiles. "I won't say a word about it. After all, it's not my secret to tell-"

"Nor is it yours to play with" she interjected, her voice as hard as iron. Southron games have no place in Winter. They can pretend and say all the pretty words they want... But when the white winds blow the lies away, only the truth will remain unscathed. "Do you know what happened to the last man that tried to use me and my family as pawns, Lord Varys?" she said as she moved towards the hearth. She stared at the flames for a few moments, giving Varys time to connect the dots.

"You killed Littlefinger" he finally said, surprised.

"We held a trial. My siblings and I, along with the Knights of the Vale exposed his crimes. He was found guilty and executed". She walked slowly towards him, like a wolf does its prey. "Our enemies toyed with us, Lord Varys. They hurt us, tried to maim us, tried to kill us". There wasn't cruelty in her voice, no. It was strength that covered her every word. "But they all forgot something important".

The Spider's eyes were still focused, but curiosity gleamed in them. "And what would that be, my Lady?"

"That the North remembers, my Lord" she declared, going back to her seat.

A smile, a little genuine smile formed on Varys's lips. "That, and that a pack of wolves is unstoppable, if I may say so" he added, offering her one of his little bows. He seemed lost in thought for a moment or two, as if he was trying to find the right words to convince her. "But you cannot defend yourselves alone. You need allies, Lady Sansa. I'm sure you know that".

"So you think marriage is the way to go, the only way to go" Sansa hoped the words unspoken were clear enough. The only way to keep the Dragon Queen content.

Varys leaned in, as if he were afraid the walls of Winterfell would listen to what he had to say to her. "You're a smart young woman, Sansa. I'm sure you noticed how... important the Iron Throne is to the Queen".

"You think once she knows the truth, she'll see Jon as a threat" she observed. Sansa and Varys both knew this to be true. Daenerys would see Jon as a threat. And how is it exactly that she deals with threats?

Sansa felt restless. Her fear and worry were overtaking her mind. But there was something else, something she could only identify as determination taking over her heart. She wouldn't let anything happen to Jon. She promised him so. I’ll protect you, just as you protected me, she had told him that night down at the crypts. And she meant every single word she said. I'm a Stark of Winterfell. I can be brave. I can be fierce.

"She could. He's Rhaegar's heir, which makes his claim higher than that of Queen Daenerys'. But if they were to marry..."

She didn't like this. She hated it. Jon is not a Targaryen. Sure, his father might've been Prince Rhaegar, but he was a Stark. His place is here, in Winterfell, with his family. With me. She immediately pushed that thought away.

"... sure you agree with me, I know you can understand-", she barely registered Varys' words. She was too lost in her thoughts and feelings to pay attention to what he was saying. Surely about how great an idea it is for Jon and Daenerys Targaryen to marry, the voice in her head said, bitterly.

"What you're proposing is for Jon to decide, not me. And definitely not you" she cut him off, as composed as she could possibly be in that moment.

"Lady Sansa" he sighs. "This is the easiest way to bring harmony to our country".

"Like I said, Lord Varys. This involves Jon, not me. I'm afraid you're seeking for validation in the wrong person".

It wasn't until she finished talking that she realized that she walked into a trap. He wanted to know how I felt about this. But why?, she wondered.

Because he knows that union isn't the only possible option, the voice in her head told her. And you know it, too. Then, she remembered the conversation she had with her siblings and Jon after finding the truth about his parents.

Lord Royce and the rest of the Vale swore fealty to us. Think about it, the North and the Vale, joined in arms and faith. And with the Freys gone, we can take back Riverrun, in the name of uncle Edmure. Should things with your aunt go wrong, we’d have the support of half of Westeros

We could have more than that...

She stopped herself lest her eyes gave her thoughts away.

"But you know him. Would he consider this proposal?" Varys insisted.

"He would do whatever is best for our people" she replied, matter-of-factly. The Master of Whisperers hummed in response. He was looking at her attentively, as if she were a riddle he was so close to solve. Sansa was resolved to do the same. Gods know what else he might know.

The silence in the room was turning tedious, so he broke it. "You've proven to be a capable politician, my Lady" he said with that little smile that exasperated her. It reminded her or King's Landing. It reminded her of people that were ready to use her and discard her the second she was no longer useful.

"You were able to come to that conclusion in such a short amount of time?"

"It might be winter, my dear" Varys laughed, "but my little birds still fly. I've heard quite a lot about the Lady of Winterfell. You see, they tell me she's very dedicated to her people, lords and smallfolk alike". He's trying something, she thought. "If you ask me, that's one of the things that makes a great ruler: genuine care. Another is to know the people around them, to know what they want" he explained. "But I'm sure the departed Lord Baelish taught you well". At the mention of his name, Sansa felt a shiver go down her spine. Even with him gone, the wounds he inflicted were somewhat open. He's gone, but his death didn't remedy the things he's done, the things he took from me and my family. Sansa lifted up her chin, trying her very best not to let the memory of a cruel, ambitious man tear her down.

"He taught you very well, if I may add" Varys continued. "You were able to outsmart him. Many people tried it, and many people died for that very reason".

Sansa was tired of this. She was tired of Varys, tired of his games. In silence, she stood up from her chair. "Lord Varys" she sighed, "I think I've made myself clear during our conversation" she said as she walked towards the door of her solar. "As for your proposal regarding Jon-"

"I tried to help your father, you know" Varys interjected, still sitting in one of the chairs laid in front of her oak desk. The mention of her Lord father made her freeze. Suddenly, she found herself fighting the tears away. Will my heart ever heal? she wondered.

"I visited him in the Black Cells" he started. "I begged him to declare himself a traitor, to forsake his honor..." Sansa heard the chair move. She didn’t see Varys approach her, she was still facing the door, unable to tear her eyes from it. As if the act of looking at any other thing than that door would break her into a million pieces. "I asked him to think of you".

The thought of her father, all alone in those cells, imprisoned like a common thief, just because he dared to tell the truth. The memory of him standing in front of the people of King's Landing, admitting his treason, only to... Sansa felt like the air was being sucked from her lungs. She started to cry silent tears. She let herself be vulnerable in front of a man that was known for taking advantage of the vulnerability of others. But she didn't care. Her heart ached for her father. Her heart ached for her innocence. Her heart's been aching since that day. And it never stopped. She turned around slowly to face the Spider. If he's going to use this against me, she thought, at least let him see what he's using. Let him feel despicable for doing such a cruel thing.

"You may ask why I'm insistent with these plans, so I'll tell you the same thing I told Lord Eddard: I don't serve Kings and Queens; they're people, just like any of the kitchen maids that work on an Inn in the Kingsroad or a farmer that never left his town" he explained, while giving her an earnest look. "The only difference, given my experience, is that Kings and Queens are more concerned with the power they can get". He then turned to the hearth, absorbed by his own words. "If they dedicated half the time and energy to matters of state, to the people, the realm would be flourishing, instead of drowing in yet another war". He talked like a man that was tired of his task but wouldn't give up on it, not just yet. "So, you may ask yourself who do I truly serve, the answer is simple". At this, he turned to face Sansa. "I serve the realm, my Lady, because no one else seems to do so".

His words rang true with her. This might be the first time he's being completely sincere in our entire conversation, she thought. The exasperation left her little by little, and started to be replaced by curiosity and an eagerness to know. Why would a man so concerned with the well-being of the realm stand beside a Targaryen?, she wondered. One that burned her enemies alive. But she kept those questions to herself.

He walked closer to her, probably wanting to reach for her hand, but he was aware of the way she stiffened, so he stopped on his tracks. "You care about your people, I know it. I've seen it. So please, Lady Sansa. At least take my proposals into consideration".

She just stood there, trying to read him. There was a distinct gleam in his eyes. Desperation, the voice in her head told her. He looks like a man that's running out of options.

Varys took her silence as some sort of quiet refusal. "You think that just because you slain one giant, there's nothing else in the world that can terrify you, but there is" he stated. "The realm is not yet safe".

He is desperate, she thought, because he's afraid.

"I assure you, Lord Varys, me and my family, as any other northerner, will do anything and everything in our power to keep our people safe" she was quick to answer. "We take care of each other. Especially through hardships". Sansa thought he might give her some witty remark, or retort her right away, but his answer didn’t come. Instead, he stayed silent, with wide eyes, trying to read the woman in front of him.

"Unless there is something you're not telling me" she prodded. "Maybe about the Dragon Queen's previous allies?" Sansa made sure her tone left nothing out. I know about the Reach. I know about the Iron Fleet and Dorne. I know she's done nothing for them.

Realization dawned on Varys' face. Sansa took the silent confirmation gladly. She now knew for certain who exactly she was dealing with.

"I beg of you, my Lady" he started, not worrying about masking the uneasiness in his voice. "Daenerys is your ally. There is no need of making her your enemy".

"Does she terrify you, my Lord?" she found herself asking. The voice of Varys the Spider didn't answer her, his silence did. "You know, Cersei once gave me a piece of advise. She told me that I should make sure the people fear me more than they do the enemy. She told me that in doing so, nobody would dare to cross me" she explained. "Why do I feel your Queen is not so different from Cersei in that matter?"

Silence met her question once more. One by one, all of Sansa's fears were being confirmed by Varys' silences. Sansa had no energy to keep on going. She was heading towards her desk when she heard Varys sigh. "I hope you're careful, Lady Sansa. I really do".

"And I hope you keep your word, Lord Varys" she said in a voice like iron. "This isn't one of the games of the Capital".

"In that we seem to agree, my dear" he offered, before bowing and leaving the solar.

Once she was alone, Sansa felt her emotions wash over her: fear, anger, helplessness, determination. Each one more aggressive than the former. But, as if all of that weren't enough, her mind started playing with her heart. The ever-present ache she felt whenever she thought of those she lost was like a sharp dagger in her chest. The ever-present fear she's been feeling ever since she found out about Jon's parentage. The miserable feeling she couldn't get rid of ever since Jon told her about him and Daenerys Targaryen.

She felt faint. She felt trapped.

She wanted peace. She wanted her family.

You want Jon, that voice in her head told her.

Brushing aside that little voice (one that sounded like her old self, the one that dreamed of princes and gallant knights), she made her way towards the Great Keep. It was time to listen to the people: their needs and their worries, and the Lady of Winterfell didn't have time to dwell in hers. She had to do her duty.

(You can read the rest of the chapter on AO3)

#jonsa #jon x sansa #sansa x jon #Jon Snow #Sansa Stark #got #jonsa fanfiction #actuallyjonsa #jonsa fandom #my fanfiction #my writing #my stuff

30 notes · View notes