#found this clip while looking for stuff to put on tiktok and decided i like it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ggukkiedae · 3 years

Text

❝ℕ𝕖𝕨 𝕃𝕚𝕗𝕖❞

𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜:

⇢ yoonmi and jungkook rush off to the hospital (as explained in this notice)

⇢ set august 10, 2021

𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜:

⇢ conversations written in italics are spoken in english. feedback is highly appreciated!

𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝:

⇢ @sunflower-0180 (i can tag you now! 🥰)@seaoffangirling @yourwonderbelle @1-800-enhypenbibi @kamiiyou

Yoonmi shifted in her seat as Jungkook tugged at the knots in her hair. He had been brushing it out for the past ten minutes just so he could braid it, but it seemed like the tangles were never-ending.

“Would you sit still?”

“Not with you pulling my hair like that,” she huffed and took the brush from him. “This is why I told you I’d do it.”

She could see Jungkook roll his eyes at her through the mirror before he moved to sit on the desk facing her. They weren’t too busy that afternoon, so they had decided to just chill in the company and maybe work on choreography together just for fun. But Yoonmi’s hair was proving to be a difficulty.

“How does all of this not get in the way on stage?” He fluffed her hair a little. “You can barely hold back this thick mess with tiny bands and little clips.”

“It’s called skill.” The two maknaes laughed at that.

More so than usual, the two have been spending their time together. Mostly it was Yoonmi dragging Jungkook along with her online shopping. A new hobby, yes. One that she picked up from her eldest brother. Of course, being someone who supports her brother’s business, she had been browsing through the brands he was partners with.

While the promotions for Butter and Permission to Dance were enjoyable, and the interviews were progressively becoming less about her being a girl in a boy group, she found herself getting bored too frequently. It didn’t help that they didn’t get to promote on music shows. She would have at least gotten to see her friends more often, but she was stuck with the back and forth between the dorms and the company.

That’s why she found browsing through the categories in her brother’s business quite amusing. Well, that and convincing the other members to let her do their make up.

“Get over here,” Jungkook pulled her to stand in front of him. “You know what? We’re gonna put you in a ponytail instead. I want to show you this thing I saw on tiktok.”

She snorted. “If it’s Heartbreak Anniversary, you should know that I taught that to Ni-ki a few months ago.”

“Dammit.” He pulled over a ribbon she had brought with her and made sure to tie it at the base of her ponytail. “Well then let’s just do the one of the TXT kids. The Anti-Romantic one.”

“You and Hannah unnie have been sending each other too many tiktoks,” she laughed as her phone rang. Jungkook just smacked the side of her head, to which she retaliated with smacking his leg and picking up her phone.

“Hello?” Her voice was laced with laughter as she picked up.

“Yoonmi-ah,” a familiar voice filled her ears. It was Yoonsung. As happy as she was to hear him call, he sounded worried. “Don’t panic, okay?”

“What do you mean don’t panic? What’s wrong?”

Jungkook turned to look at her in curiosity. She put her phone on speaker and faced him fully.

“I need you to look after Yoonseol for a bit,” her brother told her. “Can you come over?”

“Sure,” she nodded as Jungkook started packing their stuff up in a rush. However, the urgency in her brother’s voice made her nervous. “What’s going on?”

“Eunsol,” his hesitation made both Jungkook and Yoonmi freeze in worry for the pregnant woman, “she’s in the delivery room right now. It looks like your nephew decided to come two weeks early.”

Her jaw dropped as she met eyes with Jungkook. A quiet communication between them occured as Jungkook picked up both their stuff and dug his keys out of his bag. She turned to her phone and followed her best friend as they raced from the practice room to the parking lot.

“We’ll be right there. Are you in Ansan as planned?”

“Yeah. Thank god her doctor was available.”

“We’ll be right there, don’t worry.”

They arrived at the hospital much quicker than they expected. The two left Jungkook’s car and raced towards the receptionist, making sure to try and adjust the masks on their faces so they wouldn’t be too noticeable.

“Excuse me,” Jungkook began, “what room is Kim Yoonsung and Han Eunseol in?”

The receptionist raised an eyebrow at them. “I can only give that information to family.”

“I’m their sister,” Yoonmi took out her card. “My legal name is Bang Yoonmi, you can check Eunseol unnie’s records. I’m listed as an emergency contact under Yoonsung oppa.”

The receptionist turned to his computer and began searching through files. Yoonmi’s hands went up to tug at the ends of her hair. He was taking too long. She turned to Jungkook, who merely pressed his lips into a tight line and lightly pulled her hand away from her hair.

“Ah,” the receptionist’s sudden sound of acknowledgement caught their attention, “there you are. Okay, go ahead. Room 613 in the East wing.”

“Thank you!”

The two quickly took off towards the building and got into the elevator. It was then when she had a realization. She snorted, calling Jungkook’s attention. Upon his curious look, she spoke.

“Room 613. Seems like a good omen, huh?”

“That, or your sister’s doctor has a good sense of humor.”

Once the elevator doors opened, the two raced down the hall and straight to the room. She knocked on the door, weight shifting from left to right as she waited for it to open. Which it did, revealing her niece.

“Yoonseol!” Yoonmi pulled the five-year-old into a hug. “Were you here all alone? Where’s your mom and dad?”

She didn’t notice the nurse coming out of the room and Jungkook asking her about Eunseol.

“I’m okay, unnie,” the little girl smiled. “Nurse Lee kept me company. I think daddy’s fetching Hanseollie. Nurse Lee says he’s gonna be ready to play with soon!”

Yoonmi sighed at the sound of no bad news. She briefly thanked the nurse who was walking away and ushered the little girl inside. Yoonseol went straight back to the bed to watch whatever was playing on the laptop open there.

A sigh escaped past her lips as she slumped onto the couch of the room. Her body felt lighter yet heavier at the same time. Was it okay for her nephew to be born this early? Or was two weeks okay? Did something happen to him? Or to Eunseol?

A hand on her knee brought her out of her thoughts. Once she looked up, she saw Jungkook giving her a pointed look. Another sigh left her mouth as she let herself fall onto his side and rest her head on his shoulder.

“Stop worrying so much,” he spoke to her in hushed whispers, “and breathe. I asked the nurse what was going on. Apparently Hanseol and Eunseol noona are both healthy. Hanseol is just a little excited.”

“It’s hard not to worry when unnie’s due date was supposed to be on the 27th.” She closed her eyes tightly. “I was planning to be there with her and Yoonsung oppa.”

“Noona will be fine, she has hyung by her side,” the elder squeezed her knee. “She’ll be fine. Now why don’t you go on over and watch whatever cartoon it is Seollie is watching. You need the distraction. I’m going to go get us food, all right?”

With that, she felt him push her up and over to the bed. Yoonseol clapped excitedly to see her settle on the bed as well. She watched quietly as Jungkook bent down a little and ruffled Yoonseol’s hair.

“You hungry, Seollie?” he asked her. “Want any specific food?”

“Mcdonald’s!”

“You got it,” Jungkook chuckled and pinched the little girl’s cheek. He turned to Yoonmi and thumped her head, to which she frowned at. “You, get a hold of yourself. I’ll be back in a bit.”

She rolled her eyes as her best friend walked out of the room. But a smile made its way onto her face. Her nephew, her godson in particular, was about to be born. She couldn’t wait.

The sound of the door opening woke her up.

Yoonmi sleepily rubbed at her eyes as she slowly pulled her arm from under Yoonseol’s head. A hand lightly caressed her hair, grabbing her attention. Looking to her left, her brother stood there. A gentle smile rested on his face as he waited for her to fully wake up.

“Oppa,” she mumbled.

“Hey, sleepyhead.” A warm and welcoming feeling filled her as she felt Yoonsung lightly kiss the top of her head. “Someone wants to meet you. Come with me, let’s let these two sleep first.”

She looked at her brother then at Yoonseol sleeping next to her and Jungkook sleeping by the bed, head next to Yoonseol’s hand. He must have fallen asleep as well while exchanging stories with the little girl.

Yoonsung’s quiet hum caught her attention once again. He gestured for her to follow him out the door, which she did. The walk was quiet, partially because Yoonsung was still basking in the fact he had another kid and Yoonmi still not quite getting a grasp of herself. She didn’t even notice as he brought her into a small room with one large glass window going from one side of the wall to the other.

A small gasp escaped her as she looked through the glass. Babies. Multiple babies were all lying there, freshly bathed, swaddled, and (most importantly) newly born. Her eyes followed the line of babies along the far end of the room on the other side of the glass until they were drawn to one specific crib.

The crib was the only one pushed close to the glass. It was relatively small, decorated in blue stickers on the outside and blue cushions on the inside. The baby that laid in it looked healthy and somewhat big. It had familiar features on its face, lips that already held the smile she was all too familiar with, and a nose she loved to poke as she grew up. Then her eyes were drawn to the name tag.

Kim Hanseol.

Her hand made its way to cover her mouth in shock as she processed what she saw.

“Yoonmi,” Yoonsung placed a hand on her shoulder, “meet your godson. Hanseol.”

She walked closer to the glass, lightly resting her fingertips on it as if the baby boy could feel her touch. This was different from when Yoonseol was born. This time around, Yoonmi wasn’t distracted, and there was no struggle. This time, it was her godchild as well.

“He really is your godson,” her older brother chuckled as he lightly stroked her shoulder with his thumb. “I was ten at the time, and I watched them panic. It was two months before your due date, but you were in a rush to see the world.”

He moved closer to her and draped an arm around her shoulders. Her eyes wouldn’t stray away from the baby, though, even as Yoonsung considered speaking to her.

“You were so small. I could’ve fit you into a shoe box. I was scared because I didn’t know if you’d be able to handle the world we were a part of. The way I was raised. But you were a strong little thing. Aced your classes, joined multiple extracurriculars, found your niche. Yoonseol is on her way to becoming like you, and I hope little Hanseol will, as well.”

Something dripped down her face. A tear. She didn’t even notice. It was so sudden, but so many things washed over her. The reassurance that her godson was safe, the excitement to see him growing up, the warmth of her brother.

“We’ve got a new life to bring into ours,” she smiled while wrapping her arms around Yoonsung’s waist and resting her head on his chest. “Seollie’s gonna love him.”

#yoonmi.jungmi #yoonmi.kimfamily #bts 8th member #bts female member #bts female addition #miya #yoonmi #kim yoonmi

149 notes · View notes

txdxsh1 · 3 years

Note

Hey babes, could i request another one of those random headcannons with suna cuz i litteraly love him, and i just found and and love you so it's like a much made in heaven yk? Anyway have a good day, drink some water and eat if you haven't and sat healthy! <3

RANDOM SUNA RINTARO HEADCANONS I HAVE (GENERAL + BF + OUTFITS)

genre: fluff & crack

authors note: AAAAAAHHHH i’m sorry this took so incredibly long to do,,,,,,,but i appreciate the patience greatly :’) i really do hope you enjoy these <3

general:

he knows how to play bass

his favorite color is brown

is a skater: confirmed

and he’s one of those guys who posts his clips of his skate tricks on instagram

he’s so laid back

like definitely a “go with the flow” kind of guy

he’s really good at a bunch of card games

kita caught him smoking once </3 and he lectured him so much that suna just decided to never smoke again IWBDUEBSI

he’s actually really good at skateboarding but most of the time he’s too lazy to go skate

but will literally go skate at 2am (what is wrong with this boy)

aran and him make bets about which twin is gonna start a fight with the other first

played soccer as a kid and somehow still has all the skill

his playlists are godly

like he has one for everything

as a result his little sister ends up having a really good taste is music

almost let one of the twins give him a stick and poke tattoo but aran talked him out of it (thank GOODNESS)

loves boba with his whole heart

his mom always packed him ritz crackers when he was little and it’s still his favorite snack

he’s always chewing gum for some reason

speaking of which, his favorite flavor is watermelon <3

he daps up his friends in the hallway

snores very lightly in his sleep

if he didn’t get into volleyball, his friend group would probably be way different and not in a good way

he puts his hair up when it’s hot

atsumu plays hype music before games and suna claims to hate it but it actually helps him so much

oh god his posture is so bad

he’s really into snake tattoos

used to love drawing but he kinda gave up on it because he got discouraged by others

he used to wear loom bracelets

his music goes from hype music to garage rock to indie

people think he’s always quiet which is true for the most part but i think he actually talks a lot when he’s with his friends

made a tiktok account solely for posting all the dumb stuff the team does (mostly the twins HAHAH)

he likes horror movies (he doesn’t get scared easily)

he can beatbox

LOOKS SO GOOD IN WHITE

and also in stripes

he made a secret tiktok account and it accidentally blew up

his room is (unintentionally) a vibe: LED lights, vinyls, comfy pillows and blankets, a bean bag chair, etc…

he likes walking to the store with the twins after practice

he used to be such a bad driver oh my god (no one understands how he even got his license)

^ luckily kita made him practice with him tho

he really likes sandwiches

his hair is SO SOFT

running is probably his least favorite thing in the world

he owns a pair of these glasses

refuses to let anyone on the team look at his feet (he’s kinda insecure about them?)

can chug energy drinks like it’s water

he’s a hoe for ramen

has a black cat

her name is omelet <3

he gets pretty bad allergies in the spring and his nose gets all pink

his favorite picture pose is putting up the middle finger pfffttttt

i feel like he would be good at snowboarding

goes to a lot of concerts for underground bands (he probably knows them too)

boyfriend:

LOVES napping with you so much

y’all

also y’all

doesn’t tell you, but loves when you show up to his games

when you guys hug, he likes to tuck his head in the crook of your neck

OH and while you’re hugging, he likes to sway just a little bit (and they’re always really long hugs)

so basically his hugs are superior

he lets you paint his nails to match yours

likes when you do skincare with him

will literally bite you out of nowhere

he would definitely put his head inside your shirt/hoodie while you guys are cuddling

has a picture of you in his clear phone case

has a photo album on his phone completely dedicated to the cute and random pictures he takes of you

he likes when you run your fingers through his hair when you guys are cuddling

he’s so soft when you guys are alone omg

you’re his favorite person

loves late night dates

matching bracelets???? i’m thinking yes

he likes to ruffle your hair randomly

hates cooking for himself but if you’re hungry you bet your ass he’s gonna go on chef mode

could and would fight anyone who’s messing with you

he’s really good at braiding hair because of his little sister so he’ll just randomly braid yours

really likes holding your hand

if he finds one of those black elastic hair bands in your room, he’ll just put it on his wrist and take it with him (?? SIR)

rests his head on your head/shoulder when he’s tired at school

i know he doesn’t look it, but he’s soooo whiny when you tell him you have to leave his house

takes you to record shops

he likes holding your face in his hands (he just smiles while looking at you and it’s so cute)

he likes laying/relaxing at the park with you and just staring up at the clouds

play fights with you but he always pretends to be really weak (mostly cause he’s tired HAHA)

he thinks you have a really nice taste in jewelry

gives you hand kisses <33333

outfits:

401 notes · View notes

shelovescontrol91 · 3 years

Link

Between a starring role in Cinderella, live performances, and a forthcoming album, it would appear things are business as usual for Camila Cabello. But there’s a difference: Before the pandemic her work was leaving her drained, anxious, and insecure. Now she’s found a way to be a pop star on her own terms, and everything—from the music to her relationship with her body—has fallen into place.

By mid-September, Camila Cabello was feeling burnt out. In the span of three days she had performed at the MTV Video Music Awards, attended the Met gala with boyfriend Shawn Mendes, and shot the first-ever global cover for Glamour. So when she finally returned home to Miami, rest wasn’t just desired—it was essential.

But rehearsals for New York’s Global Citizen Festival loomed. Before jumping back into pop star mode, Cabello put on a yellow bikini and headed to the beach for two hours of blissfully uninterrupted downtime. She sank into a chair and cracked open a book, her favorite pastime. The salty air enveloped her; waves crashed in the distance. This is why she lives in Miami, her hometown, as opposed to a showbiz hub like Los Angeles: more privacy.

Or so she thought. Somehow the paparazzi found out where she was for those 120 minutes. She didn’t see them at first, but there they were, snapping away.

“I didn’t consent to those pictures,” she tells me over Zoom, camera off as she drives in Miami. (At one point she says to someone on the road, “Why are you honking at me, bro?”) “I got my period on the beach. I’m in a bikini and on my period, so I don’t know if I have a fucking period stain and that’s going to be everywhere. I didn’t sign up for anybody to be taking pictures of me in a bikini.”

Cabello has developed methods for dealing with invasive situations like this. She’s had to. The 24-year-old—born in Cuba, raised in Miami—has been in the public eye since 2012, when she competed on The X-Factor. She auditioned as a solo artist but was later matched with four other girls to form the pop group Fifth Harmony. They released two albums before Cabello embarked on her own—and achieved mind-boggling fame. Her singles “Havana” and “Señorita” (with Mendes) topped the charts worldwide. She’s earned three Grammy nominations, become a face of L’Oréal, and tried her hand at not just acting but starring in a feature film: this year’s Cinderella remake on Amazon Prime. Her third studio album, Familia, is due out later this year.

By all accounts it’s a lot. Careerwise it’s the closest things have felt to prepandemic times, when she was working constantly, arguably to an exhausting degree. As COVID-19 shutdowns went into effect last March, Cabello was able to realize just how tired she was.

“I by no means am trying to complain,” she says, “but it was such a thing of, ‘I have to get onstage tomorrow and I’m performing at this big thing,’ or whatever. ‘I want to do a good job. How do I do that when I feel nervous?’ I did this without being like, ‘Am I even happy right now? Do I even feel healthy?’ I didn’t have the space to ask myself those questions. I’m still working a ton now, but after quarantine I’m able to be like, ‘You know what? Right now I’m just not happy. I need to change something.’”

Therapy helped her see the changes she needed to make. Cabello tells me she’d experimented with therapy before the pandemic, but it was always situation focused—quick fixes to help her tackle the next performance or songwriting session. But with time at home, she dug deeper: “Because I wasn’t stressed about all the things I needed to do the next day, I was able to slow down and have enough stability to look at my stuff.”

Cabello doesn’t expand on what that “stuff” is. She does, however, explain why she decided to switch therapists as her internal work continued. “I wasn’t feeling like I was progressing in the areas I wanted to progress,” she says. “But when I switched, I found I was able to apply what they said in a way that benefited my mental health.”

One lesson she’s learned is the power of saying no. Two hit albums under her belt give Cabello the freedom to do things her way. Now she always has one day off a week, minimum. And when time came to start work on Familia, she forwent the standard pop music factory for a more intimate approach. The new album was made with just a handful of collaborators she could be open with. If Cabello was feeling anxious or nervous in a session, she had the space to address it. As a result, she says, it’s her best work yet.

“It’s the most grounded and calm I’ve ever been making an album,” she says. “I worked with people I wanted to have dinner with, and I was like, ‘I’m not going to write every single day for months, but write a few days a week and have time to gather experiences and be a human being.’”

Shawn Mendes is one of the people she’s gathering experiences with. The two singers confirmed their relationship in September 2019, and they’ve been tabloid magnets ever since. Everything from their laughably slow pandemic walks to their kissing style is dissected with a fine-tooth comb. A clip of them getting ready for the Met gala went instantly viral.

Cabello tells me she and Mendes try to avoid the social media chatter about their relationship, but it inevitably seeps in. “When stuff that’s negative is out there, it’s going to get to you,” she says. “So yeah, that’s very, very challenging. I feel like it’s another thing therapy has been really helpful for.”

Mendes goes to therapy too. While Cabello says she and Mendes haven’t done couples therapy—though she’d be open to it—they very much work on their mental health together.

“For better, for worse, we’re very transparent with each other. I think that’s why we can trust each other so much, because it’s a very 3D human relationship,” she says. “I’ll be venting or ranting about something, and he’ll be like, ‘Have you talked to X about it?’ And I’ll be like, ‘No. I’ve got to do a session.’ And he’ll do the same thing to me. I think even just the language of being like, ‘Hey, I’m sorry that I’ve been distant with you or snappy with you. I’m just struggling and I’m feeling kind of anxious.’ That level of transparency really helps a lot.”

Mendes echoes Cabello’s thoughts. “Camila and I give each other an extreme amount of patience and understanding,” he tells me via email. “I think the truth is that when you’re struggling with mental health, it turns you sometimes into the version of yourself that you don’t like to be—and kind of loving and accepting your person through that, and being there for them through that, is life-changing. We give each other so much space and understanding and patience.”

A behind-the-scenes VMAs story perfectly illustrates this. When Cabello was nervous meeting new people at an after-party, she caught herself leaning on a habit she’s trying to break. Mendes helped her through it.

“I have this pattern of eating a lot when I’m anxious or uncomfortable,” she says. “It’s a comfort thing for me. I’ll just kind of become unconscious and zombie-eat a lot, and then I’ll feel sick. I’ve told Shawn about that. So at the VMAs party, I was like, ‘I’m doing it.’ And he was like, ‘It’s okay. You’re doing it. That’s okay. Let’s just take a breath and not do that.’ It’s really good for me to be able to talk about my patterns with someone.”

Food and body image are two things that have really been on Cabello’s mind this year. A July TikTok she posted shutting down body-shamers racked up 4.8 million likes. “Being at war with your body is so last season,” she says in the video, which she posted after photos of her running in Los Angeles made the rounds online.

That mantra is true, sure, but it’s easier said than done. Even Cabello has difficulty following it. She braced herself for what she might feel when those aforementioned bikini pics went live: “I need to work out. I need to eat better.” “Not that those things are bad,” she says. “But maybe I wouldn’t think about them as much if there weren’t people taking pictures of me.”

It’s not just the paparazzi who ignite moments of self-doubt. Cabello tells me about a time she was exercising with her trainer, Jenna Willis—who’s great, she says—and feeling insecure. “She’s the same height as me, and I was kind of comparing myself to her, because she is a lot skinnier than I am,” she recalls. “I was just like, ‘Yeah, but I’ve been working out and I look better, right? I look better, right?’”

It’s Willis who helped silence those voices in Cabello’s head, reminding her that how she feels is more important than appearances; that life is about balance and enjoying food. These are health philosophies we’ve all heard—but when you’re Camila Cabello and millions are picking apart your beach photos, it’s hard to tune out the noise. Now when she’s feeling down on herself, she just turns her phone off and goes outside.

“When I’m having negative thoughts about my body, that’s actually when I’ll want to binge-eat cookies, and then I have a stomachache,” she says. “It’s this weird psychology: The more I love my body, the more I actually want to take care of it…. As long as I’m healthy and working out and feel good, that’s the best I can do. There’s no point in trying to have another kind of body.”

By this point in our conversation, Cabello’s made it to her destination. When I ask if she’ll have time to chill and decompress, she says, “To be honest, not yet, but I will after this weekend.” There’s a calmness in her voice when she says this—a stillness, a readiness. She seems perfectly prepared for what lies ahead: album promo, performances, and undoubtedly more scrutiny about her body, her relationship, her everything. But she’ll be fine, because just around the corner is a day off. That’s nonnegotiable.

“It’s important to be on top of not just what’s making you sad or anxious, but also what’s giving you joy,” she says. “I want to be happy and enjoy my life. That’s kind of it.”

#camila cabello #shawn mendes #shawmila

9 notes · View notes

tessandscottforever18 · 3 years

Text

Or so she thought. Somehow the paparazzi found out where she was for those 120 minutes. She didn’t see them at first, but there they were, snapping away.

Mendes goes to therapy too. While Cabello says she and Mendes haven’t done couples therapy—though she’d be open to it—they very much work on their mental health together.

“It’s important to be on top of not just what’s making you sad or anxious, but also what’s giving you joy,” she says. “I want to be happy and enjoy my life. That’s kind of it.”

#camila cabello #interview: glamour #glamour #glamour magazine

1 note · View note

onisiondrama · 3 years

Photo

(Note: I’m not repeating stories he’s told before and just putting them in parenthesis. I have a lot more videos to go until I’m caught up so that would save me a lot of time. If he gives details I never heard from him before, I will type those.)

“Should I Get A Divorce?” Speaks, Oct 6, 2020

- This video is weird. He’s trying to make himself seem smart and insightful about marriage because his marriage is “successful”, while most people complain about their marriage. - There’s one part where he says people don’t understand you don’t have to be lied to or cheated on in a relationship. Which is pretty ironic coming from him. He shows a clip of an upset wife asking her husband what he’s doing with a woman in a bedroom. The husband and the woman are getting dressed. The husband keeps asking “Who?” “What?”, pretending the woman isn’t there. Later he shows more of the clip where the wife is still questing him. He keeps pretending he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She looks in the bedroom again and the woman is gone. The wife looks confused. Love that gaslighting. Just like when Jamsey boi cheats. “I didn’t cheat. It was the other person who cheated on you, my spouse” “You said I can’t have oral or vaginal sex with your friend. You didn’t say anything about anal.” - In another part he says there are people who constantly complain about their s/o and they hide away in a man cave.. he says this while in his garage man cave. 😑 Which we know he spends most of his time in. Like, way longer than normal working hours. - He says he used to look angry in his old Speaks videos because of his marriage at the time. That’s total crap. He only shows clips from videos where he used his old militant persona for videos like his anti-meat videos. He made plenty of mushy Speaks videos talking about how happy he was with Skye back then too. 🙄 - I think he made this video during his short guru / advise phase.

“gotta say goodbye for a little bit” Speaks, October 8, 2020

- Tells his viewers they can listen to this video without watching it if they like to listen to people talk, like Kai used to do. [This is definitely meant to be another guru / advise type video. I can tell by his tone.] - Says he’s married to Kai for almost 8 years. (How Kai found James story) Says he married a fan and had children with them. He says they now have an awesome dynamic, but he knocks on wood because people who are together 18 years still get divorces. Says you never know, things can suddenly fall apart. - Says it’s cool because at the time he didn’t listen to social standards. Kai was 17 at the time, but lied about his age. Most people would have said don’t go for the relationship because Kai lied and the age gap, even though it was legal. He listened to the law and his heart and now he’s in the happiest marriage of his life. - “F society.” If he listened to society, he wouldn’t know where he’d be or what relationship he’d be in. Says you have to follow the legal system or your life is ruined. - Says he was an air force cop at one point because he believed in justice. He doesn’t think he wanted to shoot people, but he excelled in the cop program. He says he met Magic Johnson in the cafeteria at Lackland Air Force Base. He barely knew who Magic Johnson was, but he thought it was cool a famous basketball player was there. James asked him if he could take a picture and he said yes. He says he took a picture of him like a reporter and not a selfie. He still regrets that. - Says he wants to talk about the future of this channel. Some people appreciate he’s been uploading every day, but he wants to focus on sites that aren’t shadow banning people or algorithmically demoting people. He feels like Youtube is king in letting negative opinions prevail, even if it’s invalid. If the engagement shows people are mad at you, Youtube used to go the harsh truth route. He says that was nice. He says he once made a fake meltdown video in response to a video Leafy made about him. He says it’s fun for him to make fake meltdowns. - He says he and Kai took a quiz today and found out Kai’s IQ is 136 and his is 129, so Kai is smarter than him. - After the meltdown videos, Youtube algorithm didn’t favor him as much. He says maybe it was because he said they were fake. - He says he has been thinking about websites and how they treat users. Says Twitter is one the best because they don’t care about what your opinion is. They just care about their rules. Says if people don’t like you on other sites, they will shadow-ban you and you’re done for. He says his reaction video to Leafy’s video got 1/6th the views Leafy did, so there was a bleed over of traffic. Now when someone says something negative about you, YouTube will only promote videos that agree with that narrative. Says if you only want to hear negative stuff about Joe Biden, you’ll only see negative stuff. He says it’s financially productive, but it’s not ethically productive.

[I just want to pause here and vent a second. Yes, James fell out of the YouTube algorithm, but he’s had plenty of chances to sweep back into it. Like when he was getting tons of views on those fake meltdown videos in January. The reason those viewers didn’t stay is because there is nothing good for them to watch. His Speaks videos are boring, long, rambling messes. He repeats himself, contradicts himself, talks about the same topics over and over. These videos are mind-numbingly boring. His comedy videos are extremely outdated. The characters, topics, and humor he uses are not going to get him anywhere anymore. Like is the Death Note fandom really that strong in 2020? That anime came out 14 years ago for Christ sake. His music is not particularly good or interesting. On top of all this, his reputation is complete garbage.

People just don’t want to watch Onision. If the algorithm tried promoting his Speaks videos, I guarantee most people are actively choosing not to click on his videos. The non-subscribers that do click probably regret it. He’s made ZERO effort into making interesting or engaging content. He’s ONLY been making Speaks content that either fuels his ego or defends himself using the same old arguments he’s used 100+ times before. He’s got to be in some kind of deep denial if he thinks his Youtube views are down because of the algorithm.

There used to be a saying that whenever Onision’s fans grow out of him, there will always be a crop of young teens that start watching him. That’s not happening anymore. It’s not cool for the alt / loner kids to watch edgy Youtube videos anymore.]

- Says people only want to hear things they agree with, people want to take what he says out of context, blah, blah. I’m only 1/4th of the way through this damn video. - He asks why he’s busting his butt when there’s no chance for him to prevail on Youtube or anywhere. He says he’s on TikTok, OnlyFans, Twitch. [This video was from before his partnership was taken away on Twitch.] He says those are slightly less problematic because they are driven by human beings and not drama. - He says when you see him posting less to Youtube in the future, you’ll understand why. He says he wants to wait you guys out, 2 years, 20 years. (He tried to call out Shane story.) He says he had to wait a year or two until people admitted he was right about Shane. He says he has conflicting feeling about Shane because they had a personal friendship. Says Shane told him they were friends. - He says you guys seem to drive your narrative and agendas by emotion rather than science and facts. He can’t reason with them unless he picked a greater evil and wages war on that. You would have to join forces with him because the enemy of my enemy is my friend. He says he wouldn’t do that because he’s not interested in being a professional wrestler and making fake drama. - In time you will feel passionately about other things. You don’t actually care about anyone involved because none of you are consuming yourself with anything that is not pop culture. You’re only interested in things other people are pretending to care about. None of you would care if someone found three bodies in a basement. If they were not celebrities you wouldn’t care. You only want justice for things that will get you attention. - If someone builds their whole platform about anti-person they might get bored and become anti-you. That’s why you don’t want to be friends with dramatic people. - He says he was dramatic about things, but that’s because he did care about those things. He wasn’t talking about 3 bodies in the basement either. - Says a long time ago when a celebrity died, he pointed out 30 people were murdered and washed ashore in another country. No one was talking about it because they probably didn’t hear about it. Nobody actually cares about human lives. If you did, every second that a human dies you’d be tweeting about it. - (Sarah blackmail story.) He says in a number of words Sarah said she wouldn’t ruin his life if she slept with him, then went back on it. [Wow. He really morphed his original story. It used to be: One time she jokingly said she could ruin our lives. Later we wanted her to sign an NDA and she said only if she gets something out of it, meaning sex. James said it was “good vibes” that day and he perceived that as her being kinky. She also said it was just a joke in the “proof” clip he always uses. They signed the NDA, then James pressured / tricked Kai into having sex with himself and Sarah. Then Sarah later came back and he decided they should have anal while Kai was out of town because Kai didn’t say no genital to butt. He only said no genital to genital and no genital to mouth before he left.] He says he decided to no longer sleep with Sarah because it was toxic and he decided he would rather be ruined than be with Sarah. [I have a theory he stopped sleeping with Sarah because he was afraid of Kai finding out. If he was truly afraid of Sarah ruining his life, why did he make those videos about weed smokers and BPD that would piss her off? She didn’t speak about their relationship publicly until he started bashing her through those videos.] Says Sarah went ahead and ruined his life and you fell for it. - He keeps mentioning Joe Rogan. - He says others have said he built an empire, uploaded thousands of videos. He gave so much of his life entertaining people and making them laugh. It was so important to him. He changed a lot of lives for the better. Says if you look on Twitter before the drama, you’ll see a lot of people thanking him. Says he was a positive influence to millions of people. That’s a fact. It all came crumbling down because people lied. They’re all criminals he kicked out of his life. He tries to play hero and he was only right with Kai. Kai wasn’t playing victim, he was on his way to college to be a surgeon. Once he was in the process of having kids, he lost the taste to be in a surgery room. Instead he got a bachelor’s in psychology. Kai’s diagnosis of James is aspects of narcissism, but says he doesn’t meet the qualifications to be a full blown narcissist. - He is investing a lot of time in people who don’t listen and don’t appreciate his content. Social media is a drug that tries to take up as much of your time as possible to make advertisers money. He doesn't create content that lies to you or brainwashing you into thinking your opinion is valid. He doesn’t pander to you to make money. Says when he says he’s one of the most honest people on Youtube, the bar is low. OnisionSpeaks is snake poison because snakes don’t survive on this channel. They aren’t going to have a voice that isn’t questioned. Most snakes on Youtube don’t even know how to activate charities on their channels. - Says he had a conversation with Kai about someone who said they vote for the economy over people. Humans are divided between helping their neighbor and helping themselves. - Says he was never taken to court because he never did anything. He’s still posting to places that he thinks is beneficial to himself and his family. Why would he stop because people have a bad idea of him? You shouldn’t alter your life just because people have an opinion of you. If you quit it makes you look guilty. If you quit you’re either guilty or incapable of dealing with it. He says he’s used to dealing with abuse since he began social media. - He wants to create content and help people and make them laugh. He wants to be socially capable and experienced. His ambitions are aligned with what he’s doing. - He says he can’t forgive his father if what people say about him is true. Everyone else he can forgive. If you are at odds with him, he doesn’t have any hate for you. He understands people can hear the wrong narrative and make mistakes. Says we are both imperfect people and have gone through different things. Says if we went through the same experiences, we’d think the same. Says we aren’t so different. - Says he’s going away and he hopes you watch all his videos so you’ll know a little bit about who he is instead of listening to what Youtube manipulates you into watching. Says his advise is to quit social media. He wouldn’t quit because he’s passionate about it.

7 notes · View notes

web-of-fics · 4 years

Text

About Love

Request from anon: “Hi! I was literally at the park when I came up with this but can a get a fic where reader and peter go to the park at sunset cause you know the lighting is just 👌 and reader just chills on the swing and Peter starts doing stupid stuff so reader just decides to record him? Thanks”

Writer’s note: this song was playing in my head the entire time 😊 also, reader doesn’t know Peter is you-know-who

Words: 1109

✎_____________________________________________________________________

Being in the park felt weird for several reasons. First, there weren’t any kids running around. Maybe the cold temperature was keeping everyone at home. You seized the opportunity to perch yourself on the swingset you were much too old for, twisting the toe of your sneaker into the dirt below. Second, the setting sun was accompanied by an aura of forbiddenness. It was like being in a grocery store after it closed. It still existed during nighttime hours, but not for the purpose it was intended for. The third--and probably the weirdest factor of all this evening--was that Peter Parker was sitting next to you.

It wasn’t the first time you’d hung out or anything, but for some reason this just felt different. Maybe it was the fact that you weren’t also accompanied by the other members of your friend group. Maybe it was the way his hair curled in the humidity and bounced into his face every time he looked up. But it probably had the most to do with the orange glow cast on the landscape by the setting sun. You felt like you were in a cheesy rom-com. As soon as you had the thought you tried to shake it away. You had a massive crush on Peter, but you also worked extremely hard not to let that get in the way of your friendship. Ever.

But it was. So. Hard!

Peter, always with more energy than he could spend emanating from him, sprang up from his swing and began climbing the supportive metal bar. He inched his way along the top like a caterpillar, then dangled from his knees, looking down at you as his body swayed agilely.

“Peter!” you giggled like a nervous mom who was half-entertained by her rambunctious kids and half-terrified for them.

He extended his arm down and you reached to meet it with your hand. He clasped your fingers for a moment, steadying himself.

“Hang on!” you said, squirming to work your phone from your pocket. “No pun intended,” you added.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said genially.

“You better not,” you mumbled, opening the camera app. “Okay, smile!” You leaned back and aimed the lens up at him, catching your clasped hands in frame with his goofy grin. “Got it,” you said, hating the feeling of him letting go of your hand.

You expected Peter to struggle on his way down from the bar, but to your amazement he stood on it with abnormal confidence. Before you could scream he hopped blithely to the ground, unfazed by the 9-foot drop.

He laughed at your expression. “Parkour?” he joked.

“My gosh Peter,” you said, your heart steadying. “If I didn’t know any better I’d think you were some kind of ninja spy.”

He approached a wooden picnic table, seemingly decided there wasn’t a challenge to be found with it, and gazed around at the surrounding tree to compare the branch placements instead.

It was easy to see where this was going. You swiped the camera app until it was on video mode and pressed the record button.

Peter made a show of trying to climb the trunk that was five times his size by wrapping his arms and legs around it and inching his way up. He backed down and continued backing up. You couldn’t figure out what he was doing until he used the space he put between himself and the tree as a running start.

Your mouth hung open. Was he serious?

Apparently he was, because he charged up the tree and into the tangles of its leaf-barren branches with the practiced motions of a tree-climbing Olympian. He gestured for you to join him. You cut the video and walked to the bottom of the tree. He was a full body’s-length above you.

“You can’t be serious,” you said.

“Try me,” he reached down, once more taking your hand. Before more doubts could cloud your mind, he yanked you up to join him. He seated you on the sturdy branch across from his. You rested your feet on the branch below. They wobbled with nerves. You weren’t a fan of heights.

“Look, someone lost a kite up here,” Peter produced a torn red-and-yellow scrap attached to a long white string. He wound it up and attempted to use it as a yo-yo. You laughed and aimed your phone at him, recording again.

“I really need to make a TikTok account that’s just clips of you doing dumb stuff,” you said.

Peter continued fighting to make the kite behave like a yo-yo. “Does that mean I’m gonna go viral?” he said eagerly.

“No idea,” you said. “But I would hope so. People seem to like it when other people almost die doing stupid stuff.” The words were out of your mouth before you’d thought of any potential consequence to them.

Before you knew it, Peter had abandoned his toy and was climbing bonier and bonier tree branches, aiming for the brittle top.

“OMG Peter stop it! Peter come down! Peter!” the words poured out in your panic, only egging him on. He reached the top and waved one arm out, leaning away from the precarious tree King Kong style.

He climbed next to you and noticed the sheer panic on your face for the first time. He beamed. “Like that?” he said casually. You punched him in the shoulder. “No!” you said angrily, but you were both smiling. The orange light from the setting sun caught the back of his head, giving him a halo. On the swings, there had been some distance between you. Now, you were both huddled against the tree, bracing yourselves against the brittle wind. Without the sun, it was much colder outside.

Peter and y/n sitting in a tree... you couldn’t help but think.

“I should probably help you down,” Peter said suddenly. “It’s getting dark out.”

The light caught his hair. You couldn’t bear to let this moment end.

“Maybe in a few minutes?” you said timidly. “It’s nice up here. I don’t usually get a view like this.”

He nodded and smiled. “Okay.”

You sat in silence for a while. Eventually, you rested your head on his shoulder and scrolled through the videos you took, asking Peter for input on how you should cut and post them online.

The sun set, but you didn’t go home for another hour even after you posted the videos. By the time you did leave--with a lot of help from Peter to get down from the tree--the moon was out and you were convinced you couldn’t ignore this crush any longer.

_______________________________________________________________________

Just one more before bed? Click here for a masterlist of my fics!

60 notes · View notes

katiesthoughtson · 3 years

Text

A Year of Hobbies (Halfway)

Sometime in 2020, I was hit with a terrifying realization - maybe I don't do anything. This, naturally, was a bit of an exaggeration. I have plenty of hobbies pre-this exercise including reading, yoga, and taking care of my growing forest of houseplants. However, these core hobbies, for the most part, have been a part of my routine for as long as I can remember.

Like most people, the COVID pandemic brought on a period of serious self-reflection and careful reconsideration of my lifestyle. One of the many changes that I began to embrace was trying new things. It was brought on, in part, by the sudden need to entertain myself over months at home, as well as my discovery of the role of novelty in happiness (as I learned on TikTok). This period, coincidentally, was the first time in my life (well, since age 5) that I haven't been in school or working full-time. Or both. Free time had to be filled and so, I challenged myself to try one or two new hobbies each month. I created a list at the end of 2020 with all the possibilities and have picked a few each month. Some have stuck. Some flopped. But all were attempted.

Here are my results.

January: Cross-Stitching and Writing Fanfiction

I figured for my introduction to this challenge, I'd start by resurrecting two hobbies that had fallen to the wayside.

Cross-stitching was recommended to me by a friend, irritated by my inability to watch a movie without looking at my phone. I am one of those people that needs something to do with my hands though, so she passed me a cross-stitching set, gave me a quick tutorial, and off we were.

For January, I bought a new pattern from an Etsy shop and worked on it as often as I could. I typically did so while watching The Crown, feeling particularly British. It was fun, but very slow work. My least favorite part is easily threading the needle. I did like the final product in the end. In the months since, admittedly, I have not picked it back up. I would like to though, so maybe it'll be resurrected eventually for the second time.

Writing Fanfiction is a much older hobby from back in my tween days. I wrote a number of Fanfictions that are buried somewhere in a dark corner of the Internet now. I figured I should see if the joy of writing Fanfiction has stuck over the years or gone to the wayside.

The latter transpired. I wrote a few long Fanfiction pieces, some shorter drabbles, and didn't find any of it particularly engaging anymore. I admire the craft, I appreciate all the writers who write beautiful works for no compensation, and I respect it immensely. However, writing Fanfiction is no longer for me.

February: Origami and Dancing

Another two hobbies that deserved resurrection.

I did a LOT of origami in elementary school. I probably made 1000 paper cranes in 5th grade alone. I could've done them in my sleep. The joy of getting origami paper back in my hands was so awesome. It felt like stepping back into a time capsule and unlocking my 5th-grade self. I can no longer autopilot cranes, but I pulled up some YouTube tutorials and started folding. I've made all kinds of shapes - whales, cranes, hearts, dogs, crabs, fish. Not all of it was easy. In fact, some of them were very frustrating as I twisted and tore and unfolded papers, but I pushed through. This challenge isn't always going to be easy. Not all of these hobbies are going to come naturally, but you can still have fun.

One of the highlights of this challenge has been learning that I can still have fun without being perfect. Am I creating the most beautiful origami crab to ever exist? No. But what counts is the fun I had doing it.

I do love origami still, although I do it less often. Mostly because I don't really know what to do with all of them. But, any opportunity I can, when writing a letter or giving a gift, I pull out a fresh sheet and get to folding.

I was a dancer for many, many years. My "retirement" came at 18, after a 13-year long career spanning from hip-hop to Broadway to classical ballet. To get back into dancing, I pulled up more tutorials on YouTube (what a wonderful website) and taught myself K-Pop routines. There are so many fun K-Pop dance choreographies and videos for them all. Over the month, I learned NCT 127's "Regular," Blackpink's "How You Like That," Twice's "Fancy" and "I Can't Stop Me," and Aespa's "Black Mamba."

My favorite part about dancing was the exercise. These routines provide a serious sweat and are now one of my ideal ways to workout. In fact, it doesn't even seem like working out, and although I tell myself I'll just do the 30-minute tutorial, I find myself practicing the routine even longer and into the next days to perfect my moves (or just flail a bit less). I might not be ready to join a girl group, but I am having a lot of fun remembering my love for dance.

March: Journaling and Coffee

Journaling has always seemed so aesthetic and a huge recommendation from professionals for dealing with mental health. Finally, I caved and decided to give it a try. One of my primary motivations was documenting these (hopefully) once-in-a-lifetime events. I don't want to look back at this time when I'm old and not remember what it felt like to read the news or witness these global events or all the ways that life has changed. I bought a notebook from Barnes & Noble and got started.

At first, it was tough. I had no idea what to write about some days and found myself mostly just spiraling about my problems. In fact, I was even worried that it was a detriment to my mental health and encouraging me to ruminate more. This tide quickly turned and now I journal every day, even 4 months later. It has become a helpful way for me to express myself, process issues, and monitor my growth. I love reading back on my early journal entries and reflecting on the problems I was worried about that no longer are that big of a deal. I am now a complete proponent of journaling.

My second hobby of the month was coffee - trying new ones and making my own at home. My parents have a fancy Keurig machine that I've never truly attempted to use. So, I dug out the user manual and actually figured out what all the buttons do. I tried different types of coffee, learned how to froth milk at home, and bought syrups. Dare I say, I now prefer my own homemade coffee, made just the way I like in the comfort of my kitchen.

I also took this month as an opportunity to order all kinds of things from Starbucks. I tried matcha lattes (fine, but not my favorite. I need to experiment more with these), a nitro cold brew (ew), and a macchiato (good stuff). I mixed up my normal iced caramel lattes with cold foam and different milk. I am now a much more confident Starbucks consumer with full awareness of the menu. It has always been a goal of mine to have a coffee order longer than 3 words and through my March crash course, I achieved it.

April: Baking and Watching Movies

Over the years, baking has been suggested to me as another mental health related activity. Many of my anxious peers like baking as a way to calm themselves, but I, a person lacking a sweet tooth, have never attempted it. In April, I fired up Pinterest and attempted 3 recipes: blondies, brownies, and pecan chocolate chip pie.

I can see the appeal of baking. It was really calming to mix all the ingredients together, follow a recipe, and see the finished product. The blondies were probably my favorite of the three. Honestly, I can't see myself baking all that often in the future. Like I mentioned, I don't really have much of a sweet tooth, so all my desserts were handed off to my family to enjoy. I know that there's baking that isn't sweet, and I'd like to approach that territory eventually, but I would say that baking probably isn't going to be a go-to hobby.

As mentioned above, I do not like watching movies. They are long and I simply cannot sit still for that long. However, I am tired of movie references constantly going over my head. I decided to expand my repertoire by finding a list online of the (apparently) best 100 movies of all time and decided to put a dent in it. I didn't get through them all, but I did watch The Devil Wears Prada, The Matrix, Heathers, and Spirited Away. A movie a week for a person who previously probably only watched 4 movies a year was a big step up.

I liked all 4 of the movies I watched. I made time for them in my week, sometimes splitting them up into multiple viewing sessions. I wouldn't say I'm a film expert yet, but I'm on my way. Slowly.

May: Making TikToks and Crossword Puzzles

I watch a lot of TikToks. Too many, some could say. I love their witty humor and creativity and spins on a common concept. I have learned that there is much going on in those clips.

Making TikToks is harder than I expected. I made a few that will stay in the drafts forever. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out filters and transitions and green screens. I did post a few, delving into booktok with a reading recap at the end of the month and posting some aesthetic content, but I can't say that I found making them fun. I liked it a bit and I could see how it would be fun, but for me, I found the process of editing and filming and trying to sync everything up perfectly to be a process that I personally do not find enjoyable. I'll stick to be a consumer, not a creator.

I also started doing crossword puzzles and I have a newfound love. I've done them anywhere I can find them, although my favorites are from the New Yorker and the New York Times. There's something so satisfying about seeing the words come together and having that flashlight moment when you solve a clue. I started doing them with my brother too, which made it even more fun as a bonding experience. I have been consistently doing crosswords ever since and cannot imagine my life without them. Big fan. I love that there is finally an outlet for all my years of random accumulated knowledge.

June: Running and Blogging

I hear many people talk about the joy of running. I admire them and their physical strength. I have been doing cardio throughout the year, so I figured running wouldn't be a huge transition. I laced up my sneakers and downloaded the Couch to 5K running plan.

My first few runs were done on the treadmill at home to get a feel for it without public judgment. I was surprised by how exhausted they made me. After working out daily, I did not think running should've had that much impact on my body, but alas. I eventually started running outdoors to appreciate the wind and look at something that wasn't the wall of my basement. Perhaps picking this hobby in the heat of the summer was a bad idea, but I ran at sunset so it was a bit cooler and I had beautiful views. I actually really like running outside. However - tragedy struck. I did something to my knee, putting me on the sidelines for about a week. I iced up my knee and did some light walks. As I'm writing this, it's the end of the month and I can say that I don't love running. I definitely like other kinds of exercise more, but I do want to return to this at some point when it isn't boiling and humid outside. I haven't totally given up yet.

This, what you are reading, is the aforementioned blog. Setting everything up and deciding on a name took some time. Thinking about ideas took more time, as did drafting and writing the posts. I also underestimated this hobby too, much like TikTok. I figured I could post weekly, if not multiple times a week, but this was not the reality. I do really like blogging though and would like to keep up with it moving forward. I'm not going to commit myself to any kind of schedule, but it does feel nice to have a name picked out and a platform established for my future blogging endeavors.

The Present

That brings us to now - halfway through, 12 hobbies attempted.

This challenge has been incredibly fun. I've loved having something new to talk about and something fun going on every month. I like stretching myself to do new things and attempt hobbies that I've always seen others enjoy. It's been hard and there have been some ups and downs, for sure. Not all of my hobbies have brought me immense joy. There were roadblocks and stumbles and a literal physical injury, but I do feel great about my progress. I've gotten exactly what I wanted out of this challenge so far - an expanded mindset, novelty, and happiness.

That's all I can really ask for.

0 notes

passingideasofaredballoon · 4 years

Text

Would you make tiktoks?

As a result of being relatively out of touch with my friends, I decided to finally accept the peer pressure and download tik tok (again). And I really mean it this time - I made an account, selected my interests, and spend about 2 hours scrolling. It’s getting real up here.

And what conclusion have I come to? Well, after analyzing my opinion for quite a while (it seems with so much time, these are the things I’ve decided to think about) is that it really isn’t that bad. Weird, I know. You’re wondering if I’ve had a brain injury, but give me a second to explain. After my scrolling adventure, it seems the range of content really is pretty cool. I watched videos of people playing instruments (really well, at that), amazing photography put to audio, witty jokes, conspiracy theories, sharing cool facts, events in history, book and movie recommendations, beautiful paintings, drawings, (mildly ok) song recommendations. I’ve found at least 8 tips for school, fashion, daily life and etc. Despite the short clips, some have been edited to perfection for hours and are truly works of art. Of course, there are those tik tok dances (cough stupid sorry cough) and people who get views just for looking attractive, but the point remains that this is content that seems valid in my books. As for a means of creative expression, this is one that actually seems very up my alley. Although traditional social media seems to favour influencer types and people who are just simply hot, this platform offers praise to the largest bunch of nerds, weirdos, and indie culture enthusiasts I’ve ever seen.

That said, I still don’t like tik tok. No I’m not contradicting myself, I’m just recognizing that tik tok is actually ok, but I still don’t like it. I’m not a fan, but I’ve loosened up on the hatred a bit. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m appreciating these videos for the content and not the concept. I love the art and the music and the visuals but I hate that they’re so short, so fast, and so idealized. As much as my restless brain is appreciating the how easy it is to be captivated and thrown from interesting video to video (the only thing that was able to occupy my mind for over 30 minutes at a time today), I’m very aware at how wrong this feels. You see, I want to think about these things for longer than 30 seconds before being passed onto the next thing. I don’t like the idea that most of them are only posted for likes and recognition, a chance at being seen but not appreciated. These are things I wish had a larger place in my life, the things I desperately wish I had people to talk to about. But instead, my friends get together and scroll through tik tok. Then then go into the washroom and make peace signs in the mirror, wink and do another tik tok dance. Maybe I don’t like tik tok because it’s seemed to have stolen my friends. Maybe it’s because I just want to talk, more than most people seem to want to. I want to go out and do things, I want my friends to ask me a damn question and look at me like someone they actually want to be around instead of just someone who’s there. Or maybe, it’s just because I’m a hideous dancer and can’t for the life of me do a tik tok dance without looking like a complete idiot. No, I have not tried.

Sometimes I wonder if the reason I feel so isolated from my friends is because I haven’t made an effort. Sometimes part of life seems to be sucking it up and doing things that you don’t like with your friends, simply because you like them and want hang with them. Maybe it’s also my determination to hate these things that have caused me to avoid a creative outlet that I ultimately might enjoy (see: second paragraph). Or maybe, it’s just time to stop begging these people to give my interests the attention they don’t really care to give me. Am I being true to myself, or am I being a stubborn idiot that won’t do stuff with their friends? Should I be making tik toks?

0 notes