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#for the most part it actually wasn’t that bad! even the short essay question weren’t super difficult

just-come-baek · 3 years

Text

bet on it

Pairing: Na Jaemin x female!reader

Word count: 21.2k

Summary: One day, Jaemin stops by with a strange request. Any other person would just laugh in his face and refuse in a second. Unfortunately, I, being the dumbass I am, agree to it. Soon enough, everything gets out of hand, causing much more drama than we could ever predict.

Or in other words, Jaemin shouldn’t bet on things he knows he can’t win.

A/N it’s an instalment for love letters event hosted by neosmutcollective, I hope you enjoy my jaemin entry as well as other entries written by my friends from the network, check out the event tags too, and yeah, happy valentine's day! 😏 💖

***

“What?” I yelled, almost spitting my tea. No, I must’ve heard him wrong. Jaemin wouldn’t be stupid enough to do that. It had to be a joke. Or I must’ve imagined him say that. “You don’t mean that,” I added, still in shock, trying to comprehend what just happened.

“Come on, Noona,” Jaemin whined, staring right into my eyes, wishing for me to say yes to his ridiculous proposal. “I wouldn’t suggest that if I knew we couldn’t pull through.”

With a sigh, I shook my head. Jaemin’s proposition was absurd, and I couldn’t believe I was about to ask him again to walk me through it.

Damn me and my curiosity.

“Before I make my mind about this… tell me what the fuck led you guys to make that stupid bet. Then, and only then, I will still say no, but in good faith,” I demanded, smiling at Jaemin, knowing I wouldn’t make it easy for him to convince me. The odds weren’t in his favor, and he really had to put in lots of effort if he really wanted me on board.

“So we were chilling after practice, and then Haechan started to tease me that I have no game anymore,” Jaemin started, and I rolled my eyes. Of course, I should’ve figured it out. A man in his age apparently is a failure unless he has a different girl in his bed at least 3 nights a week, moaning his name at the top of her voice. Even though Jaemin doesn’t have a competitive nature, it still provoked him into agreeing to this absurd bet.

Life must be though with an ego so fragile…

Jaemin isn’t a fuckboy, yet he still has a fair share of love conquests. Though I had no idea whether it was true or not, he must have fallen a little behind the others – otherwise, they wouldn’t tease him about it.

“And then I said his mother must’ve dropped him on the head if he really thinks that,” Jaemin carried on. I nodded my head, trying to wrap my head around this preposterous situation. “Then, I said I could seduce any girl I want,” he added proudly, making me want to flicker his forehead, hoping it would knock some sense into that empty skull at the top of his neck.

“Okay, but how the hell did you end up with having to seduce me? This is the part I have the most trouble understanding,” I pointed out, cocking my eyebrow.

“Then, Chenle suggested we bet on it, and I agreed to it,” Jaemin whispered, looking away, sounding both regretful and shy. “I urged them to pick any girl, so Haechan looked around to choose my next conquest. It was the time when you and Ten were walking to the dance studio, and that bastard suggested you.”

So it was Haechan’s doing – I should’ve figured this one out. He was the only one wicked enough to possibly ruin somebody’s friendship because of a stupid bet.

Or, it was quite genius of him – maybe he figured Jaemin would not cross this line, choosing our friendship over winning this imbecilic bet.

“And you were confident you can woo me? What about our friendship? Does it mean anything to you?” I inquired, curious of what was going inside his head when he agreed to this half-witted bet. Did he seriously think we could have sex and then forget all about it?

“It’s not like that! I don’t want to woo you. I mean… I could, and you would be very much aware if I tried to hit on you, and you would fall for me. No doubts on that,” Jaemin spoke confidently, grinning like an idiot with ego blown way out of proportion. “But–“

Jaemin was about to say something dense, so before more bullshit managed to leave his mouth, I hit him with a cutting board. Jaemin whined, but I was sure he was exaggerating for comedy purposes. My hit was calculated and balanced – it was powerful enough for him to understand it wasn’t a good idea, but at the same, it was not going to cause any permanent damage to his brain. I’d never purposefully do that to him.

“We’re not having sex. Get that shit inside your head,” I interjected, pouring my herbal tea down my throat, already thinking about making another cup. This conversation was making me uncomfortable, and I wanted to put an end to it. Perhaps another lemon balm tea would calm my nerves.

Ignoring his penetrating gaze, I shuffled around the kitchen, setting the kettle on the stove. In the meantime, Jaemin walked around the kitchen island and grabbed me by my shoulders, looking straight into my eyes.

“Come on, Noona, I am not asking you to sleep with me,” Jaemin defended his case, quite determined to pull me on his side.

“Well… it looks exactly like you’re asking me to sleep with you,” I cut in, walking around him to the cabinet to get a fresh tea bag. I’ve really had enough of this bullshit.

“We could just make it look like like we did,” he carried on, and I heaved a deep sigh, regretting even letting him in today. I had this extremely boring essay to write, and at this point, I’d rather begin my research on whatever topic my professor assigned.

“It’s still a no from me, sorry,” I replied harshly, crashing Jaemin’s expectations. Judging by the look on his face, it wasn’t the outcome he anticipated when he decided to knock on my doors. “What happens when you lose that bet? Well… except for your pride, of course.”

“500 dollars.”

“Ouch, sowwy, I hope you can afford that,” I added with a fake smile, patting him on the shoulder, being well aware this amount of money was a game-changer to Jaemin’s budget. If he won, he would have the time of his life, spoiling himself. However, if he lost, he’d have to eat instant ramen on every meal for the entire month. “Either way, I hope it will teach you a lesson to not bet on things you know you can’t win.”

“Ugh, fine,” Jaemin groaned in disappointment, reaching for my hands, holding them carefully as if they were made of china. “If you help me, I’ll give you half of the money,” he proposed, and I looked at our hands linked together, then quickly shifted my gaze to his eyes. “If you help me win, you’ll get 250 dollars, and you’ll be finally able to buy those fancy shoes you wanted so bad. What do you say?”

When did he get so persuasive?

It was a low blow.

Jaemin knew that these shoes were tempting me ever since I had seen them. Multiple times, my thumb hovered over the add-to-cart button. Every time, I resisted the temptation last minute upon seeing the price tag, though. This purchase was way out of my budget. However, now, when the new income opportunity presented itself, it made me wonder.

Suddenly, the kettle began to whistle, bringing me down to Earth from that ridiculous train of thought. Shaking my head, I tore my hands out of Jaemin’s gentle grasp, fidgeting back to the stove, pouring boiling water into the cup.

“Okay, fine, but I have a few questions first,” I gave up after a short pause for intense pondering, and Jaemin smiled brightly in instant gratitude and relief. Without my help, he would be doomed. “And then, if I like the answers, I have a few conditions.”

“Anything.”

“Okay, so first of all, how much time do we have to do the deed,” I inquired as I blew some air before taking a cautious sip.

“About two weeks,” Jaemin mentioned after a while as he had counted on his fingers how many days we have to team up and win five hundred dollars for us. “Officially, we have to do it before Jaehyun’s birthday party,” he specified, and I hummed, realizing it is very little time.

“You seriously think I am that easy? Outrageous,” I gasped, throwing a fake tantrum as I made my way around him to sit down on the barstool on the other side of the kitchen island.

“No, of course not,” Jaemin quickly realized what I was getting on, so he smiled sheepishly, already trying to figure out the best wording to calm me down. “I am just that good,” he added, and I leaned over to smack his shoulder. “Kidding,” he defended himself, stepping out of my reach. “Renjun proposed this party, I mean, it’s the easiest way they can verify we did it,” Jaemin carried on, and I cursed under my breath.

How convenient.

“But we’re not going to do the fucking,” I stated, as a matter of fact, repeating myself in order to make sure we were both on the same page. As much as it would be pleasant to actually do it with him, never under these circumstances.

“No, we’re not, but I guess we can sneak out upstairs to one of the unoccupied rooms, and once we make sure they’re listening, you can just shout how good I’m fucking you,” Jaemin reasoned, and I sighed as regret once again washed through me.

“That’s creepy,” I commented as my mind conjured an image of a group of peeping Toms, eavesdropping on our sex session. Once again, I felt the temptation to drop out of this deal, but then, another thought crossed my mind. “Ugh, fine, I’ll do it. All I have to do is shout for two minutes, and then, these cute shoes will be mine.”

“Two minutes? Are you insane?” Jaemin hollered, offended by my comment. “It happened once, and it was ages ago. I’ve learned plenty of tricks since then,” he blabbered, acting way too defensive for his past mishap. “Just let me live in peace, please.”

“Okay, so we have established the deadline, and although it’s not enough time for anyone to woo me, let’s go with it.”

“Thank you! I knew I could count on you,” Jaemin replied with gleeful enthusiasm as he sat down on the barstool beside me and pressed a chaste kiss against my knuckles.

“But you have to go overboard with the courting,” I added, making Jaemin groan. Hard work wasn’t his best suit, but this time, he really had to try his best, or I’d have to turn him down at Jaehyun’s party. “You really have to make it believable and super romantic. Otherwise, I’m out,” I clarified, and Jaemin nodded, though unwillingly.

“Fine, any other wishes in mind?”

“Once we win the bet, we have to end this whole fake-dating fiasco immediately,” I announced, already planning ahead. It was easy to win the bet, but the most difficult part was getting back to normal. If we planned to fake-date in order to fake-fuck, then it was reasonable to figure out how we’re going to fake-break up.

“We should agree on admitting it was the best sex of our lives, but despite that, we value our friendship even more, so we decided to remain friends. How does it sound?” Jaemin suggested, and I had to once again resist the temptation to roll my eyes.

“I agree with the overall message, but later, we have to work on proper delivery.”

***

On the very next day, Jaemin and I decided to implement our secret plan.

Since I specifically asked to be courted in an over-the-top manner, Jaemin suggested going to the cinema. There were no attention-grabbing titles screened, yet ultimately, we agreed on watching the very last projection of the sequel to Wonder Woman.

“Go get the snacks, I’ll buy the tickets,” I ordered once we stepped into the cinema area of the nearest shopping mall. It was two o’clock in the afternoon, so the establishment wasn’t crowded. Except for us, there was only a family of three slowly making their way to the exit.

“See you in five minutes,” Jaemin murmured before he walked off to the bar to get us some salty popcorn and soda drinks. Though we both considered them way overpriced, it was a perfect way to celebrate the beginning of our fake relationship.

“We still have some time until the movie starts,” Jaemin shyly whispered as he cleared his throat. “Let’s take some selfies to make it public,” he added, and I nodded, sending him a timid smile, knowing this protocol had to be done in order to properly keep up appearances.

These days, everything had to be posted on social media, or it didn’t exist. If we didn’t leave a single digital mark, people might’ve grown a little bit suspicious of our alleged rendezvous. It would probably shock our friends, but it had to be done if we wanted to really sell it to them.

The circumstances were perfect for an impromptu first-date photo shoot. We were able to snap a few pictures without any annoying looks of prying eyes, choose the best angles, and finally post it with an ambiguous description confusing the shit out our friends.

Though Jaemin took about fifty photos, ultimately, I allowed him to upload three.

One picture showed me standing back to the camera as I looked at the cinema schedule, trying to pick a movie. I was wearing an A-line crimson red dress and a pair of warm black tights – the outfit really made my figure look pretty slim.

“What do you think about this one?” Jaemin inquired, showing me the photo of our interlaced hands. With a hum, I inspected the picture, giving him the green light. It was appropriate for our first date – it would signify we weren’t at the cinema as friends.

“This one looks good enough,” I commented as I reached to swipe across the screen of his smartphone. “I look cute here,” I added, showing Jaemin a picture of us. We were smiling, staring at the camera, almost stuffing our faces into the bucket of popcorn.

“What kind of description should I write?”

“Something vague, I guess,” I answered with a shrug, having no clue what kind of comment would be fitting for this Instagram post. “Maybe stick to emojis,” I suggested, and Jaemin went back to work, adjusting filters and typing the description.

With a chuckle, Jaemin handed me his phone, letting me approve his commentary.

“Are you out of your mind?” I hollered, quickly deleting the emojis. Having smacked his shoulder, I turned around, blocking him from seeing the screen. Three blushed emojis suited our fake-date better than a popcorn bucket, a wine glass, and an eggplant.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself,” Jaemin apologized, still laughing at his incredibly funny joke.

“Here, I posted it,” I said with an eye roll, throwing his phone at his lap. “The commercials must’ve started; let’s go,” I rose from my seat and extended my arm, wanting Jaemin to hand me the cup of coke. Jaemin, however, completely misunderstood my intentions, putting his hand into mine, holding it gently. “Give me my drink, Jaemin.”

“Sorry,” Jaemin sheepishly smiled before he yanked back his hand and turned his head around, too embarrassed to look at me. I, on the other hand, laughed hysterically. That should’ve served him right after that emoji faux pas.

“I was kidding,” I admitted when my laughter died down. “Come on, Jaemin. Let’s go; I want to see the trailers,” I added before grabbing his hand, hauling him inside the screening room.

At the last row, we plopped down onto our double seat, getting comfortable for the movie. With our belongings thrown onto the neighboring seat, we stretched our limbs before the lights went out, providing us with the best viewing experience.

“Do you think they’ve seen it?” Jaemin whispered into my ear as he placed his head on my shoulders. “I want to check it, but at the same time, I don’t.”

“Mood,” I replied, feeling just as anxious.

The movie began, and we quickly forgot about our bold social media statement, focusing much more on the screening. Residing to our typical behavior, Jaemin placed his head on my shoulder, snuggling closer, taking full advantage of the bucket of popcorn, which rested on my thighs.

It was peaceful and comfortable – just as things were before Jaemin had come up with his brilliant idea to fake-date each other for the sake of that ludicrous bet. Though we acted the way we used to with each other, it felt somewhat different with that supposed romantic connotations haunting us. Not necessarily bad kind of different, though.

Just as we expected, two hours was more than enough for our friends to spam our individual inboxes. We both had dozens of messages from group chats, as well as private ones. All of them were asking and/or speculating what happened and why.

“I don’t feel like answering any of these,” I muttered, dreading to read what Ten and Jiwoo wrote on our roomies’ group chat. “I don’t feel like coming home, either. They’re gonna eat me alive with questions. I am not ready to face them yet. Wanna hang out some more?”

“Fuck, even my mom has seen them,” Jaemin cursed under his breath, completely forgetting about his mother being a mad keen Instagram user. Now, when he looked at our arrangement from a slightly different angle, Jaemin realized it brought way more consequences than he was planning on facing.

It was bad.

Really bad.

With shaky hands, I unlocked my phone, checking the Instagram post Jaemin had tagged me in. Not only our friends flooded the group chats, but also, they didn’t forget to embarrass us even further in the comment section.

lucas_xx444: what the heck??? 😧 is this for real???

yuu_taa_1026: finally!!1 maybe they stop simping for each other now 🤡

_jeongjaehyun: another man down, shame 😔

choi.jiwoo21: 🙄🙄 some men actually grow up, jeong…

mama_nana: Why am I only finding about this now?

“Well… fuck,” I murmured under my breath, still unable to process the fact that Jaemin’s mom knew about it. It was supposed to be a harmless charade; however, with each passing minute, it was getting out of hand. “What is the damage control procedure?” I asked in concern, biting the bottom lip nervously. Lying to our friends was pretty bad, but keeping this relationship thingy up in front of his mother was despicable.

“You know how she is,” Jaemin started, and I sighed, wishing I had no clue of what she was capable of. Unfortunately, I did, and it scared the hell out of me. “Either we go and visit her, or she’s coming to visit us,” he wondered, unable to choose which option was worse. “Fuck, she’s calling me. What do I do?”

With panic flashed in his eyes, Jaemin handed me his phone, expecting me to handle the conversation with his gossip-girl type of a mother. As if that would ever happen…

“Pick up and tell her we’re awfully busy or something,” I ordered him, gliding my finger across the screen, pressing the device against Jaemin’s ear.

“Hi, mom,” he spoke through gritted teeth, staring at me in absolute fury. Quickly, his hand cupped mine before he grabbed the phone, adjusting it.

By Jaemin’s mom’s standards, the conversation was brief. Or rather, her monologue was because Jaemin didn’t speak a single word through the entirety of it. Except for a couple of mmm’s thrown here and there, he didn’t engage at all.

Ideally, Jaemin would schedule the visit after we will have broken up. He’d go there by himself and tell her a story of us coming back to our senses and deciding to remain just friends. Unfortunately, that would require at least one functional brain cell and a pinch of assertiveness – both of which Jaemin seemed to lack.

“And?” I inquired, praying to hear some good news.

With a sheepish smile, Jaemin cautiously looked up at me. “We’re visiting her for dinner on Friday,” he announced, and I gripped my hands, trying to refrain myself from beating the shit out of him.

I didn’t sign up for any of this!

I just wanted some shoes.

“I hate you, Na Jaemin,” I angrily declared, storming out of the cinema, ready to indulge myself with plenty of greasy food. It wasn’t the best coping mechanism, but I needed to consume a ridiculous amount of calories in order to forget I was stupid enough to agree to participate in this travesty. “Are you coming or not?!”

***

The last thing I wanted was to face my roommates. They must’ve had dozens of questions about this out-of-the-blue date, and I was dreadful because I couldn’t provide them with genuine answers. Perhaps, I could try to confabulate my way out of this, but it was, nonetheless, risky.

Having eaten at least two servings of a delicious greasy meal Jaemin and I went for a stroll under the pretense of taking some more photos for future references.

Around 8 o’clock, I unwillingly made my way home. Even with that romantic aura lurking around us, it was still fun to hang out with Jaemin.

Walking up the stairs to the fourth floor, I wondered about possible solutions to my problem. In a perfect scenario, I’d sneak into my room without anyone noticing, so I wouldn’t have to deal with any prying questions until, at least, early morning.

Unfortunately, the moment I pulled out my keys, the doors swung wide open.

“Well, well, well…” Ten tsked with a mischievous smirk dancing across his gorgeous face. Asshole. How dare he tsk me? “Had fun on your date?” He asked, and I tried my best to ignore him. It wasn’t that easy, though. With Jiwoo backing up his teasing, I was outnumbered.

“So… you and Jaemin, huh?” Jiwoo mused, cocking up her eyebrow in curiosity. “Spill the tea. I didn’t spam your inbox to not hear all the details,” she added, and I rolled my eyes, regretting all of my poor life choices that led me to this moment.

“I’ll bring wine,” Ten hollered before he disappeared in the kitchen, also keen on knowing everything that had happened between us. “Don’t say anything until I get there!”

They wanted to hear a romantic story of how two friends realized they had hots for each other, and that’s exactly what I did. Unwillingly, I provided them with an incredible piece of fiction of how we felt the spark when Jaemin stopped by the other day.

Admittedly, it was easy to go with the flow once the wine molecules were coursing through my veins. With some liquid inspiration in my bloodstream, I narrated how adorable Jaemin had been when he had gathered enough courage to ask me out on a date.

“So I assume you’re bringing Jaemin to the cabin on the weekend,” Jiwoo inquired in a teasing manner, and I blinked in confusion. What cabin was she talking about? “You forgot, didn’t you?”

“Forgot about what?” I asked, still clueless about the whole ordeal. With a confused frown, I wondered what this cabin trip was about. Positively, I didn’t forget about it. It’s impossible to forget about plans you weren’t even invited to.

So, Jiwoo explained everything in great detail.

Apparently, Jaehyun and Johnny planned a weekend getaway to the cabin by the sea. They invited plenty of people, but since it’s the middle of a hectic period of exams, only a small percentage of invitees would be able to make it.

Jaehyun, Johnny, and Lucas gave up trying to get the best grades two semesters ago, so their schedule was pretty much open. Renjun, Chenle, and Yeri were nerds with every necessary book memorized by heart, so they didn’t have to cram the weekend before the tests. Jiwoo, being heads over heels in love with Jaehyun, would even cancel her manicure appointment to make it to that trip. She was that serious about this fratboy for some reason…

And now, two individuals needed a perfect excuse to ditch an uncomfortable family dinner. When a chance presented itself in front of me, I just couldn’t say no.

“I’m going. I don’t know about Jaemin, though. He’s meeting his mom on Friday, but maybe he can make it work.”

“Fantastic,” Jiwoo shouted in excitement before finishing her glass of wine.

“Now, when I think about it, I am glad I’ve taken an extra shift at the gym,” Ten chimed in with a playful smirk as he sipped his wine. “You two simping for each other was painful to watch, but now, when you’re hitting it off, it’s gonna be unbearable.”

“What do you mean simping?” I yelled in a threatening manner, ready to fight him for spitting nonsense so carelessly. I might’ve had a tiny crush on Jaemin, but I wouldn’t call it simping. Also, suggesting the simping was mutual? He must’ve lost his freaking mind. Ridiculous!

“Shit, I didn’t think this through,” Jiwoo mentioned, now probably re-considering if the trip is worthwhile. She would love to hang out with Jaehyun and finally make a move, but on the other hand, she would have to deal with my and Jaemin’s romantic shenanigans.

“Why are you such drama queens? We’ve been on one date, for crying out loud! Stop acting like we’re some kind of overly touchy couple because we’re not,” I barked, having no more energy to argue with them. “We’ll keep PDA to a minimum, don’t worry.”

“No need to get so defensive,” Ten added, enjoying my misery a bit too much.

“I am not getting defensive,” I argued, though facing real trouble, unable to actually back up my perspective. “Anyway, I am going to sleep. Unlike the two of you, some people have real jobs,” I added before storming to my room, plopping onto my bed with a tired groan.

Having changed into my pajamas and sneaked under the covers, I finally dared to connect my phone to the Internet. My inbox was full of texts, so I read them all. I didn’t feel like replying to any of them, though. Instead, I opened my chat with Jaemin.

my love 💖 | 20:41 | I figured it out

my love 💖 | 20:41 | You don’t have to thank me

my love 💖 | 20:41 | Also

my love 💖 | 20:41 | Wtf Jaemin?

my love 💖 | 20:41 | What kind of name is that???

my love 💖 | 20:42 | Change it back

baNANA 🍓 | 20:43 | No. 😘

baNANA 🍓 | 20:43 | The name stays

baNANA 🍓 | 20:43 | You can’t make me 😝😝

baNANA 🍓 | 20:44 | And what don’t I have to thank you for?

my love 💖 | 20:44 | I might’ve found alternative plans for friday

baNANA 🍓 | 20:44 | Oh???

my love 💖 | 20:45 | Jiwoo invited us to the cabin for the weekend

my love 💖 | 20:45 | We’re gonna get so drunk!

my love 💖 | 20:45 | It’s okay if you can’t make it, tho

baNANA 🍓 | 20:45 | Wow

baNANA 🍓 | 20:45 | I have an exam on Monday…

baNANA 🍓 | 20:45 | But I can make Haechan give me his notes

baNANA 🍓 | 20:46 | I wouldn’t miss it

my love 💖 | 20:46 | Good, then it’s a date

baNANA 🍓 | 20:46 | Date??? 🥰🥰

my love 💖 | 20:46 | Stop being so cringy!

baNANA 🍓 | 20:46 | Good night, love~~ 😘

baNANA 🍓 | 20:46 | Dream of me 😇😇😇

my love 💖 | 20:46 | Ugh.

my love 💖 | 20:46 | Disgusting 🤢🤮

baNANA 🍓 | 20:46 | I love you, too

***

As brilliant as my plan was, it fell through. Only partially, though. The little getaway was still a thing, but unfortunately, regardless of how much we tried, we couldn’t reschedule the dinner at Jaemin’s family home.

We still had to pay his parents a visit, but, at least, there was a silver lining.

Thanks to our hectic schedule, Jaemin’s mom wouldn’t have a chance to force us to stay longer. Whether she wanted to feed us dessert or stay the night, it was out of the question.

Since Jiwoo had one more exam to pass on Friday, half of the guests would have to show up later in the evening. Johnny, Jaehyun, Lucas, and Renjun were about to take off around noon while Jiwoo, Yeri, Chenle, Jaemin, and I had to carpool later in the evening.

I didn’t complain, though.

“It’ll be fine. It’s just my mom,” Jaemin reassured me, slipping his hand into mine, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I bet it’s gonna be like any other time you stopped by,” he added, and I cocked up my eyebrow suspiciously.

“You better be right,” I spoke, though still unconvinced. I knew Jaemin’s mother. She had a tendency to be, hmm…, a little bit extra. Who knew how she would behave now when she found out we were dating?

Since Jaemin was carrying our suitcases, I knocked on the front doors. Jaemin’s mom rushed to let us in, but not before she gave us bone-crushing hugs.

“I think you’ve misunderstood. I invited you for dinner. I didn’t ask you to move in with me,” Mrs. Na jested upon seeing the suitcases in Jaemin’s hands, misinterpreting the situation in the funniest way possible. “It must be shocking, but I enjoy living alone with your father.”

“We’re going to the beach with some friends after the dinner,” Jaemin clarified, and his mother hummed in understanding, acting a bit too cool about it. It’s been a while since Jaemin paid them a proper visit, and she was a little too nonchalant for my liking. “They’re going to pick us up around seven.”

She must’ve done something or was about to do something.

“Here’s some wine,” I spoke up, handing her the bottle as a small thank you gift for inviting us over for a delicious home-made meal.

“Thank you, dear. You’re so thoughtful,” Mrs. Na accepted the beverage, guiding us to the dining area. “I didn’t feel like cooking today, so I ordered some Chinese takeout. I hope you don’t mind,” she added, and I chuckled at her typical antics.

She was an amazing mother to Jaemin, raising him well, but she really was a terrible housewife. She didn’t change one bit, and I loved her for it. She had so much love for her husband, her son, and her son’s friends, and that’s what really mattered.

“Your father will be home in thirty,” she announced before she made a beeline to the kitchen to get a bottle opener. “And the takeout was supposed to arrive twenty minutes ago. If it weren’t for that slow delivery guy, I would’ve got away with my little secret,” she blabbered, laughing awkwardly.

“It’s okay, really,” I reassured her, sending her a genuine smile. “I am craving Chinese food, anyway,” I added before I elbowed Jaemin, so he would say something, too. For a blabbermouth he was, right now, he seemed awfully quiet.

Before Jaemin managed to provide his mother with a proper response, someone knocked on the doors. Since we had already arrived, it must’ve been the delivery guy with food.

“I’ll go get it,” Jaemin excused himself, leaving me alone with his mother.

“So…,” Mrs. Na cleared her throat as he began pouring wine into fancy glasses. “You guys are finally dating. And if you want me to be completely honest, I am a little bit disappointed,” she made a pause to look at me in the eye. What? She didn’t approve of me? That’s surprising; I used to think she adored me. “I am a little bit disappointed either of you didn’t make a move sooner. I was slowly losing hope,” she added, and I sighed in relief.

For a while, I was seriously concerned she didn’t like me.

“Are you expecting any guests? There’s no way we can finish it all by the four of us,” Jaemin commented as he walked into the dining room, setting two plastic bags of takeout. It smelled heavenly, and I couldn’t wait to taste whatever dish Mrs. Na had ordered.

“I can always invite your friends inside when they pull up,” she spoke matter-of-factly, but as soon as Jaemin looked at her sternly, she seconded that idea. “Or, I can pack it up, so you can share it with your friends later.”

“Should we wait for dad?” Jaemin asked when his stomach growled, demanding food. In the morning, he was quite anxious about going to his parents’ house, so he didn’t even bother to eat. Now, Jaemin was starving. He couldn’t wait any longer.

“I’ll get the plates,” his mom spoke, not really answering his question. Within two minutes, she came back with a special set of tableware. In their household, it was used only for holidays and other rare occasions. “Dig in,” she urged us, waiting for us to fill our plates before doing the same herself.

Whatever restaurant provided today’s dinner, it was remarkable. It wasn’t too salty, nor too spicy. Even when I was full, I still stuffed my mouth some more, unable to stop myself.

“You have sauce on your chin,” Jaemin remarked, pointing at his own chin, helping me locate the stray drop of soy sauce. “Here,” he added with a tired shake of his head, wiping it clean with his napkin.

“You two are too adorable,” Mrs. Na cooed, smiling at us widely. “It was worth the wait,” she added, and I creased my forehead in confusion. “Oh, did you hear that? It must be your dad,” Mrs. Na said upon hearing noise from the garage. “You keep eating, I’ll go greet his workaholic ass,” she excused herself with a playful smile before walking away from the table to welcome her husband as any loving wife would.

With a deep sigh, Jaemin leaned toward me, resting his arm on my chair.

“It’s not that bad, actually. I was excepting to go through some kind of FBI-level of interrogation, but she seems kind of chill about this whole thing,” Jaemin whispered into my ear, and I giggled, agreeing with him. It was kind of suspicious, but I couldn’t complain.

“It’s kinda creepy when she’s talking like she’s been rooting for us to end up together, but this one thing aside, it’s bearable,” I replied, and Jaemin nodded his head.

“I am gone for a minute, and you’re all over each other,” Mrs. Na snickered when she returned to the dining room, seeing Jaemin leaned in, only inches apart from my face. “Jaemin, mama’s so proud,” she added before she walked around the room to set the plate for Mr. Na.

“Stop embarrassing me,” Jaemin whined, playing with the food on his plate, pouting. Though his mother pretty much ignored his childish tantrum, I chuckled, finding it absolutely adorable. Maybe she was a teaser, but little Jaemin knew, he inherited it from her. It was time he experienced the taste of his own medicine.

The apple doesn’t fall that far from the tree…

The rest of the afternoon went peaceful. Though Mrs. Na threw in some cheesy remarks here and there, we could handle it. We were slightly buzzed, after all.

“It’s time for us,” Jaemin announced as he heard a car parked in front of the house. “It was nice. We should totally do it again,” he sarcastically added when he reached for my coat and helped me put it on.

“Don’t have too much fun,” she added with a playful smirk upon her face, earning a judging look from her more conservative husband. “No, wait, I second that. Have as much fun as you want. I am a cool parent,” she spoke, changing her mind in a matter of seconds. “And I plan on becoming a cool grandparent.”

At first, I wanted to remind her that we’re too young for children. Besides, technically, we only went on one date. It was definitely too soon to even think about these things, let alone talk about them out loud.

Thankfully, before I managed to say something I’d regret, Jiwoo honked, urging us to get going. If it wasn’t for her impatience, I might’ve ruined the image I had built for myself in Jaemin’s parents’ eyes.

“Your mother was joking! Always use protection,” Mr. Na hollered before he closed the doors after us.

***

Except for a few playful comments shot toward Jaemin and me, the ride was peaceful. As soon as we threw our suitcases into the trunk and squeezed in on the backseat, we hit the road. Jamming to Jiwoo’s playlist, we chatted in excitement, all of us in desperate need of a little vacation. It was a stressful time of a year, but maybe this short trip would actually help us recharge the batteries and calm down after busting our asses off.

“How was the dinner?” Jiwoo asked, staring at us in the rearview mirror. Since there was a limited amount of space, I was almost sitting on Jaemin’s laps. Jiwoo didn’t miss it with her eagle eyes. The way Jaemin played with my fingers didn’t go unnoticed, either.

“Bearable,” I muttered under my breath, not really wanting to recollect these memories now. I’d probably tell Jiwoo everything later, and she understood the subliminal message in a heartbeat. “How was your test?”

“I probably failed, but, at least, now I know what to expect,” Jiwoo answered as she turned to the left as the navigation system instructed her to.

In about two hours, we arrived at our destination.

Having stepped into the cabin with our heavy luggage in our hands, we encountered the middle of the party. A handful of beer bottles were scattered around the living area, the boys fervently discussing some matter.

“You’re finally here,” Jaehyun spoke matter-of-factly, as he noticed us in the threshold. “Go upstairs and leave your stuff in your rooms. We’ve already assigned them; just read the post-it notes stuck to the doors,” he explained before he turned away.

Huh, apparently, they were pros at planning.

The guys rented a cabin that consisted of six tiny bedrooms. Generally, we wouldn’t have a problem assigning them; however, since Jaehyun, Lucas, and Johnny didn’t want to room with anyone, we were facing a dilemma. They guys wanted to have some privacy if they managed to pick someone up at the hotel in the neighborhood. In this case, the six of us had to share rooms. Jiwoo and Yeri could room together. Renjun and Chenle could occupy another one, so it looked like they put Jaemin and me in the last one.

Thankfully, it wouldn’t be the first time when I had to share a bed with Jaemin. He had stayed the night plenty of times before when he dozed off during our Netflix marathons. However, it still was to be a little bit awkward since everybody thought we began dating. We were going to pull through, though.

As soon as possible, we came back downstairs, ready to even the score of consumed alcohol. All of us needed it. Everybody had a different reason for it, but none of our troubles were to be discussed tonight.

In the fridge, there was a whole palette of different types of alcohol. Quickly, I grabbed two tequila-flavored beers, handing one to Jaemin, allowing others to choose their poison.

My plan for tonight was to test every kind of alcohol, gradually going up with the percentages. It was a bad idea, but that’s what college was about – having fun like there’re no consequences.

We partied like there’s no tomorrow.

At first, we kept it simple. Fervent conversations led us to shout at one another, trying to force one perspective over the others. We were going through so many subjects that any sober bystander might’ve had real trouble comprehending how we managed to switch among them.

Then, someone suggested playing a drinking game. Of course, it had to be never have I ever. Everybody had so much fun, especially when the participants yelled at Jaemin and me because we didn’t even bother to abide by the rules. We were sipping our drinks whenever we felt like it, even between rounds, and it didn’t sit right with the rest. Eventually, they kicked us out of their little circle, giving us the crucial task of bringing some snacks from the kitchen.

Sometime past midnight, Jiwoo proposed going outside. It was beautifully snowing, but at the same time, it was freezing. Though I was opposed to this idea, everybody seemed to love it. The guys were throwing snowballs at each other, bringing out their inner child.

As if this wasn’t enough, they decided to take a stroll to the seaside. Though our cabin was maybe a mile away from the seashore, I didn’t particularly fancy the saunter. Jaemin was by my side, offering to warm my hand in his pocket, but I still was on the verge of freezing my ass off. I’d much rather sit by the fireplace under a few blankets with a mug of the mulled wine in my grasp. Apparently, everybody besides me was really intrigued by an ice bath and other winter extreme sports.

Though it was dangerous as fuck, Jiwoo took off her shoes and rolled up her jeans before she walked into the ice water of the sea. Being the dumbass he was, Lucas instantly followed suit.

“They seem to hit it off tonight,” I nonchalantly whispered as I elbowed Jaehyun. Jiwoo and Jaehyun might have a thing going on, but neither of them acted on it. Jiwoo was too whipped to make a move, too afraid of rejection. Jaehyun, on the other hand, was just a fuckboy, not really looking for a relationship. “Look at them. Don’t they look cute?” I carried on, cautiously watching Jaehyun’s expression. They weren’t together, but he seemed slightly jealous and frustrated watching her have lots of fun with Lucas.

In my opinion, he didn’t deserve her, but I didn’t really have a say in that matter. Jaehyun was the person Jiwoo’s heart longed for, and I, being her best friend, had to support that. Or, in this case, I had to give him a little push to get things in motion.

Jaehyun had some feelings for Jiwoo, but he needed some time and character development to fully comprehend them. Until then, it was my duty to remind him what he’s missing out on by not being serious enough to ask her out.

“Nah, I wouldn’t call them cute,” Jaehyun murmured through gritted teeth, positively jealous. “What they’re doing is dangerous; somebody has to stop them,” he added before he kicked off his own shoes, running toward Jiwoo to pick her up and bring her back to the shore.

“What was that?” Jaemin asked, being shook as to what he had witnessed.

“What was what? What do you mean?” I smirked, winking at him, hoping he wouldn’t tell anyone about it. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You played him,” Jaemin spoke, still impressed by how easily I manipulated Jaehyun into stepping into the scene, pulling Jiwoo away from Lucas. “Is this even legal? You’ve never done this one me, have you?”

“No, of course, not! Don’t be ridiculous,” I answered, though my tone suggested a completely different message. “You would’ve known, wouldn’t you?” I teased, chuckling at Jaemin’s funny expression. He was mortified. “I think you’re overreacting. I just pointed out some facts, and Jaehyun reacted to them according to his emotional opinion. I really didn’t do anything,” I added, defending my case.

“Don’t you ever try pulling a trick like that on me, okay?” Jaemin stated, and I nodded, giving him a promise. “I mean… I wouldn’t fall for it, but still, don’t.”

“We should head back to the cabin,” Johnny shouted, gathering the gang. Surprisingly, he seemed the most sober amongst us, so it didn’t come as a shock to me that he tried to look after his hammered friends.

In my opinion, it was a perfect call. I was slowly sobering up, and I definitely needed a refill. With my schedule packed, I had no idea when I would have a chance for another getaway, so I had to make the most out of this one.

As we returned to the cabin, Jaehyun’s eyes didn’t leave Jiwoo.

Jaemin, on the other hand, went upstairs to grab his camera, deciding it was the best time to snap photos. Of course, he had to take pictures of us when we were drunk out of our minds. Why didn’t he take any when we looked decent without smudged make-up?

“Sexy,” Jaemin commented as he pointed his camera at me. “Ahh, sexy,” he kept calling me that, and I stuck my tongue at him, wanting him to go away pester someone else. My hair was a mess, and my lipstick smudged off my lips a long time ago. “So sexy,” he carried on, making me roll my eyes at him. At some point, I tried kicking him, but that bastard was beyond my reach.

Around 2 o’clock, one by one, we began feeling tired.

Lucas was the first one to go. Considering how much alcohol he had drunk, I was surprised he lasted that long. Better yet, it was a shock he could even stand straight. Jaemin and Renjun had to escort him upstairs, but nonetheless, his alcohol tolerance was impressive.

I didn’t even realize when, but Yeri and Chenle managed to fall asleep on the couch. Firmly, Renjun shook them away, ordering them to go to their respective rooms. With tired yawns, they made their way upstairs, falling on their beds face-first.

“Let’s go to sleep,” Jaemin pouted as he sat on the side of the armchair, resting his head on my shoulder. Entwining his hand in mine, he stood up, pulling me up.

“Have fun, guys. We’re calling it a night,” I announced, refraining from yawning.

“No, you have fun,” Jiwoo replied, sending us a wink. Shaking my head, I sighed before we disappeared upstairs. I don’t know what she was thinking; however, I didn’t have the energy to keep my eyes open, let alone other nighttime activities. Besides, Jaemin was just as spent. Even if we were in a real relationship, we wouldn’t engage in half-conscious unsatisfactory messy sex.

“Come here,” Jaemin whispered as he smiled. His eyes were already closed as he patted the mattress beside him, waiting for me to join. “Good job. I think we really sold it to everybody,” he added as he snuggled closer, wrapping his limbs around my body.

“That’s good,” I purred, slowly drifting into dreamland. It was a long day, and it was finally over. Though it had a rough beginning, I ended it in Jaemin’s arms. “Good night.”

“Good night, my love,” Jaemin muttered, resting his head on my pillow right beside my face.

“You were supposed to change that name,” I replied, too drunk or/and too tired to realize it was his spoken words and not a text message.

***

During the second week of our relationship, we grew to be less tense around each other. Better yet, we seemed awfully comfortable, almost as if that’s how everything was meant to be. It was a little bit alarming, but I decided not to point that out. Even if it was just an act, I enjoyed it much more than I’d ever dare to admit. As long as it lasted, I was to savor it.

Ever since we came back from the weekend trip, Jaemin would pop up out of nowhere at least once a day with a surprise for me, proving how over the top he could be in courting a woman.

On Monday, he spammed his social media feed with my pictures from the trip. Of course, he didn’t forget to put a corny description under it, making me flustered. Even though I wouldn’t consider myself photogenic, Jaemin managed to bring out my best features with his photography talent and editing skills.

On Tuesday, Jaemin was waiting outside the auditorium with a cute bouquet of my favorite flowers – white roses. He was there to congratulate me on passing my last exam of the semester. The professor would send us results by the end of the week, but according to Jaemin, there was no chance I’d fail it.

“I still don’t get it how you do it,” Jaemin mused, scratching his temple, trying to put two and two together. “I hardly ever see you study, but then, you panic before an exam only to nail it later on. What kind of black magic is this?” He wondered, and I giggled, unable to explain my poor studying technique. I just winged it last minute every single time in my academic career.

“You better be right about this one,” I replied, still anxious about my grade. I didn’t manage to answer all of the questions, so a passing grade would be a relief. “I’m craving pasta. Do you want t go on a celebratory date?”

“You’re reading my mind,” Jaemin said, grabbing my hand, leading me to our favorite restaurant.

On Wednesday, Jaemin invited me to a bowling alley. Every month he would visit the establishment with his friends. Only on rare occasions, their significant others were invited. None of them could really commit to a serious relationship, so it never became a repetitive custom of their group.

“You guys are disgusting,” Haechan whined after our turn. Jaemin and I were losing by an enormous margin, but we didn’t mind. We were having fun despite a low score. “But at least, we’re winning,” Haechan added, pointing at Chenle and himself.

“I am the winner here,” Jaemin boldly announced, giving my hand a light squeeze, making me almost spit my soda.

Everybody cringed at Jaemin’s bold corny statement.

“I second that,” Haechan mused, looking away from Jaemin. “She’s bearable, and you are just absolutely repulsive,” he corrected himself, and I chuckled. Never in my entire life, I thought I would agree on something with Haechan, but this moment occurred right then.

On Thursday, although my schedule was packed with work, Jaemin insisted on hanging out. Tired out of my mind, I let Jaemin inside the apartment. He was carrying Mexican takeout; I couldn’t send him back home. Not when he had goodies.

“What do you want to watch?” I asked as I handed him the remote, allowing him to choose the movie. I was going to pass out anyway, so he might’ve as well picked something he liked.

“Anything is good,” he answered as he unwrapped his quesadilla, taking a bite off of it.

“The Notebook it is then,” I teased, but since Jaemin didn’t stop me, I put it on.

Having eaten my portion of a delicious meal, I lay down on the couch, resting my head on Jaemin’s thighs. I didn’t even realize when I fell asleep. Only when the credits were rolling down on the screen, Jaemin shook me awake.

“When did you fall asleep?” Jaemin inquired, a little bit mad that I forced him to watch the ultimate romantic movie of the twenty-first century. It was toxic as hell, and the way their behavior got romanticized didn’t sit right with me.

“As soon as I lay down,” I answered honestly, as I rolled around, staring at Jaemin’s handsome face. “How did you like the movie?” I asked innocently, swiftly changing the topic. It was for the better if Jaemin didn’t find out I paid no attention to the film. Instead of a great viewing experience, it was just a mere background noise that lulled me to sleep.

“I didn’t,” Jaemin whined, tapping his foot against the floor, making me sit up instantly. “It was toxic and sad at the same time. Noah was a manipulative jerk, and Allie was moody as fuck. The only bright side of their relationship is that they ended up with each other, not ruining other people’s lives,” Jaemin spoke the truth, and I couldn’t agree more. “In conclusion, give me my 2 hours back,” he added, and I hit him with a cushion.

Unable to comprehend what I just did, Jaemin blinked in confusion. Then, a few seconds later, he smirked and grabbed another cushion, ready to fight back.

Unfortunately, our childish antics were interrupted by Jiwoo. She was hanging out with Yuta, studying for the exam they had to retake the next day. To be completely honest, she couldn’t have any worse timing. While watching a movie was explainable, it wasn’t the case when it came to an impromptu pillow fight.

“Should I come back later, or something?” Jiwoo asked, pointing at the doors, willing to leave if it meant for me to get laid.

“Nah, Jaemin’s leaving. I am trying to kick him out, actually,” I announced, sticking my tongue out.

On Friday, Jaemin and I planned on going to the arcade. Unfortunately, we had to raincheck that. One of Jaemin’s coworkers fell sick, and Jaemin had to take a double shift at the coffee shop in his neighborhood.

I already had canceled my other plans to hang out with Jaemin, so I didn’t really want to stay at home all by myself. It was a Friday night, after all. Surprising him at work seemed like a better idea. His friends liked hanging out there; therefore, it must’ve been an excellent excuse for a little bit of acting in order to keep up appearances.

Quickly, I assembled a cute outfit and put on light make-up.

About an hour before the closing, I entered the coffee shop. Except for a few students with their noses in their computers, the establishment was empty.

“Welcome to–,” Jaemin hollered, ready to welcome the customers. “Oh, it’s you. What are you doing here?” He asked as a wide smile spread across his face, enjoying my surprise.

“I just came to surprise you,” I confessed, though none of us paid enough attention to the gravity of my words. I genuinely wanted to hang out Jaemin him as his girlfriend. “And I also wanted to get some discounted goodies. What do you have left?” I asked, looking over his shoulder, trying to see what food didn’t sell yet. An hour before the closing, everything on the menu was discounted by seventy percent, and I just couldn’t walk past that kind of deal.

“You’re not the only one who came for cheap stuff,” Jaemin commented as he saw Haechan and Renjun on the other side of the doors. “Take a seat, I’ll bring you your favorite,” he added, and I smiled at him, walking to the booth by the window.

Having finished my Greek sandwich, I focused on my cup of tea. I was scrolling through social media feed, giggling whenever I stumbled upon a funny meme. It was a perfect evening; complete relaxation in the rhythm of soft foreign jazz music playing through speakers, Jaemin checking up on me once every a couple of minutes.

“Oh, hi, there,” Haechan hollered as soon as he noticed me. He must’ve been returning to his table from a restroom. “I didn’t realize you’re here. What’s up?” We weren’t close, so his question was more like a polite generic statement rather than genuine curiosity.

“I’m waiting for Jaemin to finish, so we can hang out at my place,” I answered, hoping Haechan would get the suggestive tone.

“Actually, there’s something you should know,” he said quietly, looking around, probably checking if Jaemin was within earshot. “I am so ashamed it happened, but I really have to tell you something,” Haechan added, and I couldn’t wait for him to reveal the secret.

Haechan was playing dirty. He wanted to tell me about the bet, ruining Jaemin’s chance at getting me to sleep with him. It was some top-tier double-crossing, and I found it impressive. I had no clue Haechan had it in him.

“We shouldn’t have done it. I don’t know why we even agreed to this,” Haechan added, scratching the back of his head, trying to sound genuinely regretful. “I think Jaemin’s not genuine about the thing you have going on. You see, we made a bet. He has to have sex with you, or else he owes Chenle 500 bucks.”

“What?!” I exclaimed, hoping my consternation was believable. At first, I felt the temptation to say something along, yeah, I know, what’s new, but then I decided to play along. It was actually a good idea to make it seem like Jaemin’s about to lose the bet. Knowing them, they wouldn’t call it off. If anything, Jaemin could double the stakes. “No, it can’t be true. Jaemin would never –“

Now, it was my cue to make a scene. Hopefully, it would play out exactly like in my impromptu prediction.

Reaching the stage of fake hysteria, I rose from my seat and stormed to Jaemin. He was energetically wiping off the tables, wanting to leave shortly after the last customer.

“Is that true? Did you really make a bet you can have sex with me?” I yelled at him through gritted teeth. Jaemin, on the other hand, was confused as fuck. “Did you really think you could get away with it? You disgust me!” I shouted, slapping his cheek. “Don’t ever call me again,” I added before I turned on my heel, storming out of the coffee shop.

Being the only employee at work, Jaemin couldn’t run after me.

Jaemin deserved an explanation. I had to fill him in on my wonderful plan before he would blow it in front of Renjun and Haechan.

my love 💖 | 20:46 | play along

my love 💖 | 20:46 | trust me

my love 💖 | 20:47 | kick them out pls

baNANA 🍓 | 20:47 | wtf???

baNANA 🍓 | 20:48 | that hurt

baNANA 🍓 | 20:48 | I didn’t have to kick them out

baNANA 🍓 | 20:49 | they ran out a few seconds after you

my love 💖 | 20:49 | good

baNANA 🍓 | 20:49 | what the hell is going on???

baNANA 🍓 | 20:50 | I am confused

my love 💖 | 20:50 | Haechan ‘told’ me about the bet

my love 💖 | 20:50 | he wanted to double cross you

baNANA 🍓 | 20:51 | what???

my love 💖 | 20:51 | so the plan is

my love 💖 | 20:51 | they know you don’t stand a chance

my love 💖 | 20:51 | so you double the stakes

my love 💖 | 20:52 | and then bam! we win double the money

baNANA 🍓 | 20:52 | wow

baNANA 🍓 | 20:52 | you’re a genius

my love 💖 | 20:53 | I know

my love 💖 | 20:53 | and since I’m acting like I’m not talking to you

my love 💖 | 20:53 | bye

my love 💖 | 20:54 | see you @ the party!

***

Everything went according to my plan. The guys thought I was pissed with Jaemin, while Jaemin still tried to convince them he stands a chance to court me. It was kind of ironic, they wanted to play me, but it was them getting played.

Together with Jiwoo and Ten, we came extra early to Jaehyun’s party. Still being stuck in friendzone, Jiwoo went out of her way to help him out. Today it meant setting up all types of decorations all over the fraternity house and preparing different kinds of snacks.

Around seven, an Uber pulled up in front of our building. Not to brag, but despite the limited amount of time, we managed to dress up to the nines.

I decided to keep it simple. My outfit consisted of a pair of skinny high-waisted black jeans, a long-sleeved sequin embellished crop top, and a pair of ankle-high boots.

Jiwoo, on the other hand, was wearing a two-piece baby pink dress and a pair of massive mid-thigh black leather platform combat boots. She looked fierce, like a weird baby of 90’s Britney Spears and Marilyn Mason.

Though Ten’s outfit looked the most effortless, it took him longer than us to put it together. Having thrown every single thing from his closet on the bed, Ten experienced a mild crisis. Even though he looked gorgeous in everything, he didn’t seem to believe us. Only after the off-hand intervention, he agreed to play it cool with a pair of ripped jeans, a black shirt with three top buttons left untouched, and an oversized leather jacket.

Once we arrived at Jaehyun’s fraternity, nothing was ready. Thankfully, it wasn’t my problem. Jiwoo was the one who volunteered to help out. Ten and I were about to vibe in the corner, letting other people arrange the place according to Jaehyun’s vision.

Trying our best not to disturb others, Ten and I watched the way the smelly fraternity sex mansion turned into a festive valentine’s manor.

“I hope she’s gonna get laid today,” I whispered into Ten’s ear, looking at Jiwoo working like a busy bee around the house.

“She better; that’s really painful to look at,” Ten agreed, looking a little bit disappointed. Jiwoo was at Jaehyun’s beck and call, and it was about time he acknowledged her feelings.

Around nine o’clock, it was getting a little bit crowded.

Music was blasting through the speakers. Some of the fratboys were already looking for their next conquest. Girls were dancing on a makeshift dance floor in the middle of the living area, suggestively swaying their hips, teasing whoever was watching with their sexy moves.

Later on, when I was in the middle of my fourth drink of the night, Jaemin finally showed up. Together with Haechan, Jeno, Renjun, and Chenle, they walked through the threshold. They all looked great, but Jaemin stood out in the crowd. After all, he was the only one to put on a suit jacket over his white T-shirt. While the rest rocked the comfortable outfits, Jaemin opted for a more elegant look.

Almost as if he wanted to impress someone. Or at least, apologize properly, trying every sly trick to make me forgive him.

Upon entrance, his eyes searched me in the crowd, and when he met my gaze, a smile stretched across his face. Shyly, he raised his hand, wanting to wave at me, but since I stubbornly turned my head around, playing my role of offended woman, he lowered it.

“I’ve seen an ATM on our way here,” Renjun commented, knowing Jaemin didn’t stand a chance of winning the bet.

“It won’t be necessary,” Jaemin replied, following me with his gaze. “I didn’t lose it yet,” he added, and the guys laughed at him. There was no way he still thought he could woo me. “I still have a few hours left; I am not going to give up.”

“You’re such a loser,” Jeno interjected as regret washed through him. Although he didn’t actively participate when the bet was placed, he didn’t oppose it. He was an idle bystander, allowing other people to ruin our friendship. It didn’t sit right with him, but it was too late. The damage was already done, and Jaemin was going to embarrass himself even further. “She doesn’t deserve any of this.”

“It’s not like that,” Jaemin started, but he refused to explain how exactly it was like.

“You’re still gonna fail,” Haechan added with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. Back at the coffee shop, he ruined Jaemin’s chance for success. “Hey there, beautiful,” Haechan spoke when his attention was snatched by one of the girls who walked past them.

Once the boys divided to greet other friends, Jaemin strolled to the kitchen. I was there, and he needed to initiate the first step of our plan.

Sincere apology.

“Can we talk?” Jaemin whispered as he reached out to grab my hand, interrupting my conversation with Ten and Yeri. “Let me explain. You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to listen to me,” he asked, and I unwillingly complied, letting him lead me toward an abandoned corner in the living area. No one could hear us talk, but at the same time, everybody could see us.

“What do you want, Jaemin,” I barked, folding my arms across my chest, startling myself with how good I managed to behave like an angry ex-girlfriend. Though it was my last semester, maybe I should change my major to professional acting.

“Wow. You’re too good at this,” Jaemin commented before he proceeded with his part. “Anyway, I made this card for you. I hope it finds you well,” he announced before he pulled an envelope out of the inner pocket of his suit jacket.

Cautiously, I took the valentine’s card out of the envelope. Once I saw the front page, I couldn’t help but laugh. Jaemin must’ve done it himself, or he stole it from Jeno’s four-year-old niece. It was all covered in hearty stickers and glitter.

Jaemin definitely wasn’t a poet. He had never stood next to one, either.

Instead of a heartfelt apology and love confession, there was a short corny message which simultaneously made me cringe and chuckle.

Are you a ba-NANA? Cause I find you a-peeling.

From Your Love

P.S. it’s from me, your Jaemin

“You’ve really outdone yourself,” I spoke, shaking my head, trying my best not to grin. I was supposed to hate him, but it was too difficult. “I am gonna walk away now. Approach me once you raise the stakes.”

Although I didn’t want to party without Jaemin by my side, it was what I had to do. Having sent him a faint smile, I turned around and walked away, giving Jaemin some time to initiate part two of our plan.

Having drunk a few fancy shots Ten had made for me, we hit the dance floor. At first, we just jumped in the rhythm. However, when the DJ played the song we had practiced at the dance studio, everybody stepped to the side, making enough room to let us perform the choreography.

With alcohol coursing in my system, my moves weren’t as precise as usual – they still earned a round of applause.

“Hey, hey, hey, are you having fun?” Drunk as a skunk, Jaehyun shouted through the microphone connected to the DJ’s console. “How about we slow up the tempo?” Jaehyun yelled, and everybody cheered, making a lot of noise. “Tonight’s the love festival, and I, the valentine’s boy, specifically request every find a person to slow dance with.”

Having set the microphone aside, Jaehyun pushed DJ away from the console, putting on his Cigarettes After Sex playlist. The first song which graced our ears was Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You.

“Can I have this dance?” Jaemin appeared out of nowhere by my side, extending his hand for me to take. “Please?” He looked into my eyes, waiting for my response, looking hopeful.

As soon as I nodded, Jaemin grabbed my hand and gently pulled me against his firm body, resting his left hand on my back, holding me still, making sure I’d not run away. With my head resting against his chest, we swayed slowly, getting lost in our little world.

“They think I am a terrible person,” Jaemin whispered into my ear, his breath tickling my skin. “They seriously think I’d try to ruin our friendship with this bet,” he carried on, and I hummed, taking an inhale, getting hit with Jaemin’s musky cologne.

The boys truly underestimated the power of our friendship. Jaemin and I told each other almost everything. It was bold of them to assume I had no idea about the bet.

“Don’t worry about it,” I replied as I had closed my eyes, getting lost in the moment. “Everything will come back to normal soon enough,” I added, trying to ignore the bittersweet taste of my statement. Our fake relationship had an expiration date, and it was near.

“You’re right. Everything will come back to normal,” Jaemin repeated my words as he rested his chin on top of my head, pulling me even closer. “You’re the best fake girlfriend I’ve ever had,” he added, pressing an innocent peck against my hairline.

“How many fake girlfriends have you had?” I asked, chuckling, sounding a bit jealous.

“Anyway,” Jaemin started, trying to change the subject. “The guys took the bait. And now, judging by the stupid looks on their faces, they’re shitting their pants.”

“Once the song is over, we should initiate the third phase of our plan,” I commented, wanting to be over with this. In about a minute, I was about to pull Jaemin out of the dance floor and lead him to the bathroom upstairs, where we would do the deed.

When another song from Jaehyun’s playlist echoed in the room, all the other couples kept dancing. Jaemin and I, on the other hand, were about to not so discreetly sneak upstairs.

Unfortunately, we met an obstacle on our path.

It was Jaehyun, pointing his phone at our faces.

“It’s a kiss cam. Do what you gotta do,” he spoke, and I creased my forehead in utter confusion. What the hell was he doing? What the hell was a kiss cam? It was a frat party, not a baseball match. Didn’t he have a beer pong championship to win or something?

“What?”

“Do I really have to explain this to everyone? Jesus,” Jaehyun complained, taking a deep sigh, trying to ease his irritation. “It’s Valentine’s day! I am Valentine’s boy! And this is a kiss cam. You kiss, and I take pictures,” he explained, but I wasn’t convinced. “Hurry up! I have to take like 50 more of them.”

At first, I didn’t want to do it. But then, a thought crossed my mind. Who would believe Jaemin and I had sex if I refused to give him a kiss. It was just one kiss; it wouldn’t hurt.

Having licked my lips, I smiled at Jaemin before I wrapped my hands around his neck, giving him a chaste smooch. It lasted maybe a few seconds, but it still made me uneasy. Even if it was just a brief peck, it was too much for my poor heart.

“What the fuck was that?” Jaehyun groaned in disappointment. “One more time, guys. That’s how you kiss your mother, not your girlfriend. You can do better.”

“Show him how it’s done, Jaemin,” I encouraged him, giving him permission to assault my lips, hoping it would happen to be one hell of a performance.

Having smirked, Jaemin leaned forward, pressing his lips gently against mine. Cautiously, he deepened the kiss, knocking the air out of my lungs, making my legs shake under my weight. His hands held my chin in place as his tongue slipped through my lips.

Out of a sudden, nothing else mattered. Jaemin and I were in our bubble, and despite it being a one-time thing, I wished it lasted forever. Whatever expectations I had about this moment, it wasn’t even close to reality.

Jaehyun cleared his throat, wanting to pull us out of our trance. In vain, though. I moved my lips against Jaemin’s in slow sync, letting the sweet sensation strip me of the last remains of dignity. I was to savor every second of it, basking in bliss.

“Ekhem,” Jaehyun grunted, starting to feel a little bit flustered. “You guys done?”

Once we broke apart to take a breath, Jaehyun spoke again.

“Have you seen Jiwoo, by the way?”

“Yeah, I think she went for a smoke with Lucas,” I answered casually, watching panic display on Jaehyun’s face. It was evident he didn’t fancy the newfound information. “She went outside like half an hour ago, though. I wonder what it takes them so long,” I added, planting another grain of doubt in his subconscious.

As soon as anxiety downed on him, Jaehyun bolted outside. He better, though. If Jaehyun wasn’t going to make a move on Jiwoo tonight, I was about to find another guy to ship her with.

“You did it again,” Jaemin pointed out, and I just shrugged, dismissing his comment. So what? One push in the right direction wasn’t enough for Jaehyun to grow up, so I decided to be generous enough to give him a second chance.

“Are you ready for phase three?” I asked Jaemin, but before he managed to reply, I grabbed his hand, pulling him across the dance floor. Giggling, I ran through the sea of people, not so accidentally bumping into Chenle, almost spilling his beer.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry,” I hollered, giggling. Now, when I had Chenle’s attention, we could sneak upstairs to proceed with the final step of our plan. “Come on, Jaemin, let’s go. I am horny,” I added, probably overdoing my part. Unfortunately, the words were already spoken. I couldn’t take them back.

Having locked the bathroom doors behind us, I jumped onto the countertop. “Don’t you think it’s a bit creepy they’re gonna eavesdrop on us bang? It’s kinda off-putting, you know…”

When Jaemin wanted to speak, somebody knocked on the doors. It must’ve been one of Jaemin’s friends, checking if we were indeed fucking. “It’s occupied,” Jaemin hollered, mentioning for me to start my performance.

“Fuck, Jaemin! Eat me out, already,” I yelled, pressing my hands against my mouth, trying to stifle my laugher. This situation was ridiculous, and I couldn’t help myself but giggle. I had only a few drinks, yet I felt like I was high as a kite. “Yes, like that! Ahhh…”

“Can’t wait to fuck that tight hole,” Jaemin played along, almost dying of alcohol-induced tittering. We were definitely having too much fun.

“Right there, Jaemin!” I screamed, holding my stomach as it began aching due to excessive cackling. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, right there,” I moaned loudly, kicking my head back. “Don’t tease me, please!”

“I gotta get you ready for my cock, love,” Jaemin growled, and I gasped, my mind conjuring the forbidden image®.

“Just fuck me! I need your cock inside of me now!” I groaned, hoping whoever was on the other side of the doors heard enough of what was going inside. “Mmmm… you stretch me out so well…” I purred, almost falling off the counter when another round of uncontrollable laughter tried to erupt from my throat.

“Fuck, you’re still so tight.”

“Jaemin! Fuck, I am close. Keep going,” I yelled, mentally preparing for the big finale. This whole act was a vocal performance, and it was time I finished. “I’m coming! Come with me!”

“It was spectacular,” Jaemin whispered so only I could hear him. “I have one more favor, though,” he added, shying away. Oh no, he was about to ask about something stupid.

“What is it?”

“It could’ve been some random dude,” he admitted, scratching the back of his head, unsure how to voice his supplication. “Give me your panties. It’ll be the definite proof.”

“You’re joking,” I deadpanned, staring into his eyes, waiting for him to say it was just a harmless prank. “You’re serious,” I added as soon as I realized Jaemin meant it.

“Come on, I won’t be sniffing them,” Jaemin nagged, and I rolled my eyes. I didn’t even think about it, but now that he mentioned it, I had another reason not to comply with his weird-ass request. “I’ll give them back, I promise.”

“I can’t believe I am considering this,” I cursed under my breath. If any other person would like such a favor from me, I’d deny it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, I had a soft spot for Jaemin, so denying him didn’t come easy to me.

Hell, I wouldn’t be here if I was able to say no to him.

“You owe me big time,” I caved in, jumping off the countertop, stepping behind the shower curtain, providing myself with some privacy. “Don’t peek. Even if I slip, you gotta stay on the other side. Got it?” I added as I stuck my head through the curtain.

“Scout’s honor,” Jaemin pledged, and I rolled my eyes. He was a scout for maybe a week. His honor didn’t mean shit.

Clumsily, I took off my shoes and jeans. “Here,” I warned before I threw my panties over the curtain. “I am too sober for this,” I nagged, trying to put my skinny jeans back on.

“Let’s do celebratory shots!” Jaemin suggested, balling up my undergarments, hiding them in his pocket. “We deserve it,” he added, landing me a helping hand when I was stepping out of the shower.

“Let’s go.”

***

Needless to say, Jaemin won the bet.

Unfortunately, it meant the inevitable end of our fake relationship. It was fun when it lasted, and though I’d miss these times, it was time to set the record straight.

As we had discussed, we had to arrange our break up.

Sometime next week, Jaemin stopped by to give me half of the prize. Since the boys had been stupid enough to fall for our little charade, I received a large sum of money. It was Chenle who sponsored the prize. Because of that, I didn’t feel particularly sorry about deceiving them. After all, Chenle was so loaded; he wouldn’t notice if he lost that kind of money on the street. I could finally buy these shoes which I had been dreaming of for so long! Better yet, I'd still have some money left to spoil myself some more.

“How should we do it?” Jaemin asked quietly. Ever since he came, he avoided my gaze, staring at the floor.

“I don’t know,” I unwillingly answered. This conversation was the last thing I wanted to do right now, but it had to be done. Better sooner or later, before I’d catch some real feelings for Jaemin. I had no idea how I would pick up the pieces of my broken heart if we kept this act any longer. “Let’s just delete all posts we published. Someone will figure out something’s wrong, and when they spread the word, we’ll explain we decided to remain friends.”

Maybe I wasn’t in tears, but I felt regret wash through me. Though our relationship had never been a real thing, it felt like it.

And it hurt.

“Alright then,” Jaemin complied, rubbing his hands against his thighs before he pulled out his phone to erase any digital footprint of our brief romance. His thumb hovered over the delete button for a while. After a few moments of hesitation, when he didn’t hear any sign of protest from my side, he pressed it, sending our memories to a bottomless void. “And it’s gone.”

“Are we cool?” I asked, hoping that nothing would change between us. I had a hunch it would take me some time to get used to how things had been before the relationship fiasco. Nonetheless, I still had hope we could remain best friends without any awkwardness.

“Of course,” Jaemin answered with a faint smile, but I didn’t fully believe him. Something was off, and it bothered us. Shame that none of us dared to begin this topic.

After he left that day, we saw each other very seldom. We barely even spoke to one another. If it wasn’t for the group chats we were both in, we wouldn’t talk at all.

Jaemin had said we were cool, but it was evident we weren’t.

It was eating me from the inside out, but whenever somebody asked me about the break-up, I’d always shrug it off, confirming everything’s great. I would tell our friends nothing changed between us. There was nothing wrong; our schedules are just incompatible these days.

When I had pretended I was in a relationship with Jaemin, it was easy. It came naturally, and everyone ate it up without any second thoughts. Unfortunately, now, when I was trying to play it cool, no one seemed to buy it. Thankfully, they didn’t confront me about it. Instead, they offered me their support if I ever needed anything.

In my head, I had a few wild scenarios in which I tell Jaemin we should date for real. However, at the same time, a little devil on my shoulder was telling me it should never leave the realm of fantasy. It’s ridiculous to think Jaemin would reciprocate my feelings.

I felt as if sadness took over my body. Though I was smiling on the outside, I was filled with regret. Barely anything sparked joy these gloomy days. Even this pair of shoes, which I wanted so badly, didn’t stir any positive emotion. I bought them, but I never took them out of the box.

Jiwoo had taken me out on a few girls’ nights to make me feel better. Men are trash – she would always say when Jaehyun ignored her yet another text. Even though they had fucked each other at Jaehyun’s birthday party and agreed to become exclusive, Jaehyun still had lots of problems committing to a monogamous relationship. They hadn’t officially labeled it, but everyone knew Jaehyun was slowly caving in.

Fratboys’ habits die hard, but Jaehyun was finally shaping himself into boyfriend material. He no longer slept around, as far to my knowledge at least, but he still lacked in some departments. For instance, it would take him way too much to text back.

“You were so adorable together,” Jiwoo began after she gulped down another rum and coke. Despite her high alcohol tolerance, she was already drunk, speaking with no filter. “I mean… you were simping for him for so long, and you finally managed to jump that dick.”

“Your point being…” I inquired, finishing my drink. Though Jaemin and I had never had sex, I didn’t want to admit that. What would Jiwoo thought if I told her it was all-pretend?

“I shipped you guys so hard,” Jiwoo confessed. “Ten shipped you too, but he will never admit that,” she added, and I giggled. Now, that was an interesting take. Ten was so random at many aspects of life; it came to me as a surprise he even had an opinion on my relationship with Jaemin. “Can I just take some duck tape and put my ship back together?”

“I am not sure Jaemin would like that,” I answered with a sigh, my mood instantly decreasing.

“Nonsense,” Jiwoo replied in a heartbeat. “This guy is even worse than you,” she revealed, and I rolled my eyes, not buying this. At least a few times a week, at my lowest moments, I happened to check Jaemin’s social media updates. He didn’t seem to mope around at all.

“I find it hard to believe,” I muttered, trying not to get too emotional.

“I mean it,” Jiwoo confirmed her previous statement, eager to explain her thesis. “Jaehyun and I went on a little date to the coffee shop where Jaemin works,” she started, and I nodded, not really sure what she was getting at. Nonetheless, I let her continue. I was curious what Jaemin had been up to. And since he didn’t seem to want to tell me anything himself, I’d accept any type of second-hand information from Jiwoo. “Jaemin misses you. You have no idea how many times I caught him daydreaming. He still has your photo set on his lock screen, and he stares at it a lot.”

Now, that’s interesting.

I had no recollection of Jaemin ever setting my photo as his background picture. Even if Jiwoo was right, it meant he set after we had broken up. It made no sense at all, and I was too drunk to try to comprehend the meaning of this.

Instead, I ordered another round, trying to stifle all the brooding emotions within me.

***

February was the month of parties. Too many birthdays fell during this hectic period, and I had trouble keeping up with them. Fortunately, Ten’s party was the last one of the month. After a small get together at our place, I’d have some time off to relax by myself, most preferably, without alcohol.

Being the semi-hosts with Jiwoo, it was our duty to help Ten organize everything regarding his party. Though our trio was a little bit disorganized, somehow, we managed to get everything ready before anyone arrived.

Maybe it wasn’t comparable to birthday parties at fraternity houses; it still had its charm. It wasn’t as wild, but guests still were having a great time in the company of their closest friends. However, what was the most important, Ten had a blast.

It was his day; he deserved everything he wanted.

Trying my best not to embarrass Ten, I decided to socialize with his friends.

It was time I move on. It took me way too long to mourn a relationship that wasn’t even real. I couldn’t let my brooding mood ruin the party.

“Hmm… Ten has never mentioned you before,” I confessed, not finding it particularly odd. Ten didn’t have secretive nature; he just wasn’t the type of person to over-share. And he often forgot to even mention stuff about his personal life.

“I can’t say I am surprised,” Hendery replied, making me giggle. It was fun chatting with him. Hendery was hilarious, and he knew many secrets regarding Ten. It was my mission to get as much information from him as it was possible. I would need it for blackmailing purposes, of course.

Hiding out in the kitchen, we sipped beer and exchanged rumors as if we were two gossip girls. It was too entertaining to stop. I was incredibly immersed in the conversation; I didn’t even realize when someone tapped my shoulder.

“Can we talk?” I heard the question, recognizing the voice in an instant. It belonged to Jaemin, and it seemed to be laced with both jealousy and irritation. The way he phased his plea gave me flashbacks of the conversation we had at Jaehyun’s party.

I really wanted to continue my discussion with Hendery, but I couldn’t say no to Jaemin. It wasn’t how my brain was programmed. Besides, I missed him a lot.

“Excuse me, I’ll be right back,” I told Hendery before I grabbed Jaemin’s hand, leading him to my room, locking the doors behind us.

“Nothing was supposed to change,” Jaemin started as he sat at the edge of my bed, leaning forward with his upper body propped on his elbows. His gaze was trained on the floor, too frustrated to look up at me.

“I know,” I whispered as I sat down in my chair on the other side of the room. My first instinct was to kneel in front of Jaemin, kiss his forehead, and assure him that everything’s going to be alright.

Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like a good idea, so I refrained from doing so. “I am sorry, it’s my fault.”

“Don’t,” Jaemin interjected before I embarrassed myself even further. “We’re both at fault.”

Despite the loud party noises coming from the other side of the doors, my bedroom was filled with deafening silence. It was awfully uncomfortable, and it was probably a good thing. One of us would get annoyed eventually and cave in, letting out all the bottled up emotions.

“I missed you,” I admitted, staring at my hands. I was all fidgety, and although I was too embarrassed to reveal my inner feelings, Jaemin deserved to know this much.

“I missed you, too,” he genuinely confessed, showing me a shy smile. “Actually, I missed you more than I thought it was possible to miss a person,” Jaemin carried on, and I held my breath, not ready to hear whatever he had to say. “You have no idea how much I wanted to text you or call you, but ultimately decided not to because I was sure you don’t want me to.”

“Jaemin,” I spoke, not really sure what I should say next. I had too many things I wanted to tell him about. However, now when he was here, I couldn’t properly voice my thoughts.

“Are you dating this guy you were talking to in the kitchen?” Jaemin asked out of the blue, catching me off guard with this random accusation. “Or do you want to date him? You two looked like you’re having a great time together,” he added, and I rolled my eyes. At first, Jaemin acted on his jealously, but then, insecurity crept in.

“I don’t know. I met Hendery today, but he seems like a great guy,” I answered honestly, thinking of possibilities of me trying to pursing something of romantic nature with Hendery. After our brief encounter, I could tell he’s fun to be around. And honestly speaking, I might’ve considered dating him if I hadn’t already had feelings for someone else.

Unfortunately, right now, I wasn’t in the right state of mind to date. Not when I was still hung up on my best friend.

“I probably won’t, though. I like somebody else,” I confessed, gaining Jaemin’s interest. Instantly, he sat up, staring into my eyes, patiently waiting for the reveal. “I am stupid, but I like this one guy. He’s such a jerk, I can’t even… he’s been ghosting me for weeks now,” I carried on, hoping Jaemin would get the hint.

Two weeks ago, we promised each other nothing would change. Despite our good intentions, it did. Even though I hadn’t told Jaemin how I really felt, I still lost my best friend.

My silence didn’t save this friendship. I tried to bottle up my emotions to secure our unbreakable bond. It didn’t work, so I figured confessing my feelings wouldn’t do any more harm. Surely, Jaemin was going to reject me, but at least, I’d clear the air between us.

Hopefully, my confession, followed by a harsh rejection, would help me move on.

Instantly, Jaemin ran up to my chair and knelt in front of me, trying to look into my eyes. “Please tell me this jerk is me,” Jaemin urgently spoke, unable to handle any more suspense. Jaemin’s gaze was hopeful, and it was too much for me to comprehend.

“What?” I asked, still being overwhelmed by confusion. What was going on? Why was Jaemin on his knees in front of me? Nothing made sense. How was I supposed to wrap my head around it? “I mean… yeah, it’s you. Who else could it be?”

“You have no idea how sorry I am,” Jaemin confessed as he grabbed my hand and yanked me against his chest, wrapping his arms around me, giving me a tight hug. “You could’ve said something… anything,” he added as he pulled back his head, placing a chase kiss against my forehead.

“I didn’t want to scare you away,” I admitted quietly, unable to break free from Jaemin’s cone-crashing embrace. I couldn’t believe he was so close. Na Jaemin was holding me in his arms, letting me listen to his rapid heartbeat.

“The worst two weeks of my life,” Jaemin spoke, once again breaking the silence. “It felt at least like two centuries,” he added, making me chuckle. Of course, it was an exaggeration, but it’s how I felt, too.

“How about we start over?” I proposed, taking a step backward to have a proper look at him. “Will you go on a date with me? This time around for real, no pretending,” I carried on, trying not to grin like an idiot.

“No.”

“What?”

What the fuck was that?

Did I misunderstand Jaemin’s words? I thought he felt the same, but apparently, he didn’t? Everything suggested he followed my flow only to crush my expectations, later on, leaving a big ass scar and more trust issues.

“I mean yes, but I should be me asking you out. Definitely not the other way around,” Jaemin clarified, making me relax. Thankfully, my mini panic attack was uncalled for. It was just my brain over-analyzing everything, conjuring the worst possible scenario.

“Then you better do your best to woo me,” I teased, wondering if he was willing enough to take the bait. It was just a mere joke, reminding me how it all began. He had wooed me once, and I wasn’t going to oppose to a second attempt. “Fun dates, romantic messages, silly gifts. I want it all,” I added, going a little bit overboard with my request list.

“Everything can be arranged,” Jaemin replied with a lopsided smile before he tightened his grip, almost crashing my bones in the process.

***

Jaemin and I began dating. This time around, it was real; no more pretending, no more stupid bets. Just two people who had discovered friendship could never be enough.

Even though I had told Jaemin I was just joking about this whole wooing thing, he refused to accept it, going to extreme lengths to make my heart flutter. I was already stupidly in love with him, yet he kept trying to make me swoon even more.

Despite our busy schedules, we made sure to see each other every day. It could’ve been a date at the arcade or just a quick coffee or a video call. In all honestly, I gladly accepted any form of contact from Jaemin.

I hated the prospect of going through a day without any message from him.

Except for many mini and maxi dates, Jaemin would also spoil me with plenty of encouraging notes of many kinds. Each massage from Jaemin was even sillier from the previous one. He never ceased to amaze me.

At first, Jaemin would stick post-it notes in different places in my room. Whenever I paid no attention, he would quickly write one for me to find it later. Whenever I saw sleep tight message stuck to my bedpost or you looked extra sexy today attached to the mirror, I smiled like an idiot, imaging Jaemin writing it.

If Jaemin forgot about post-it notes, he would always make it up to me by sending me corny direct messages. We would always text each other before sleep, and Jaemin never failed to make me smile with words such as:

If you happen to have wet dreams of me, you gotta tell me everything that happened. We can recreate it later.

I saw some sexy lingerie on my way home. Your ass would look amazing in it. I’m gonna buy it for you when I get my paycheck.

You’re the reason I wake up in the morning. Just kidding, I have to pee.

Whenever we went out, Jaemin would also scribble something either on a napkin or on a receipt. One time, Jaemin even gave a crumbled piece of paper that he was carrying in his pocket for some reason.

You know I’d give you my kidney, right? And a piece of the liver if you ask nicely. I hope you would do the same for me.

When we have kids, I’ll let you name the first one. Don’t fuck it up.

You’re my favorite pain in the ass.

You are stuck with me. You better get used to it.

Messy notes weren’t sufficient for Jaemin. Although I was more than content with the attention and affection he was giving me, it wasn’t enough for Jaemin. With each massage, he had to out-do himself.

Jaemin even wrote me a song! Or at least, he tried to write me a song. It was really bold of him to assume I didn’t know the lyrics to Jonas Brothers’ Sucker. I loved this song, and even though I perfectly knew it wasn’t Jaemin’s piece of work, I still appreciated the gesture.

Later on, his love letters reached another level of ridiculousness. Jaemin sent me a love e-mail, and if that doesn’t prove how extra he can get, I don’t know what can.

Jaemin didn’t stop there. No, it was just a warm-up.

When I was checking the mailbox, I found a paper plane stuck in between bills. Jaemin must’ve put it there, probably after one of his frequent visits to my apartment. Though the paper plane was a little bit crumbled, I found it incredibly adorable. On its wing, it had “open me” written with Jaemin’s messy handwriting. Inside there was a corny message that turned my insides in absolute cringe.

Your wings already exist. All you have to do is fly.

A few days later, Jaemin gave me a CD with the love playlist he had made for me. Carefully, he had chosen our favorite songs and burned them on a disc. I had no means to actually play it, but I adored the gesture.

Jaemin’s creativity did not disappoint. At this point, he might send me a love letter via a fax machine, and I wouldn’t be surprised. There were no limitations to his imagination, and it was one of the many things I loved about him.

Neither of us dropped the L-bomb yet, but we really didn’t need to. Though that dreaded word has yet to be spoken, we perfectly knew how we felt about each other. We would do anything for one another; no doubt in that.

Having exceeded my expectations, Jaemin proved himself worthy of being my boyfriend. Or rather, he showed me he was way out of my league. When he was bending over backward, I was passively basking in the glory of Jaemin’s confessions. Relationships were about giving and taking, and it seemed our balance was off.

It was time we switched roles. It was only fair if I tried to creep my way into his heart the way he had been wooing mine.

As soon as I cleaned up the apartment and pampered myself a little bit, I pulled out my phone, quickly texting Jaemin. Hopefully, he wasn’t that busy.

my love 💖 | 18:12 | U want to come over?

baNANA 🍓 | 18:16 | 😏

baNANA 🍓 | 18:16 | You miss me???

my love 💖 | 18:17 | 🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡

my love 💖 | 18:17 | nvm forget I asked

baNANA 🍓 | 18:17 | 😧 😧 😧

baNANA 🍓 | 18:18 | I’ll be in an hour

baNANA 🍓 | 18:18 | want me to bring anything?

my love 💖 | 18:19 | nah, just get your cute butt over here

baNANA 🍓 | 18:19 | ?????

baNANA 🍓 | 18:19 | are you high??

baNANA 🍓 | 18:19 | should I be concerned?

Okay, I had an hour to prepare something for our impromptu date. It was fine; it was more than enough than I needed. The apartment was already clean, so I just had to whip something to eat and cool the bubbles.

For some reason, I felt in a celebratory mood. Whatever tempo Jaemin and I had, it worked in two week periods. We had fake-dated for fourteen days before we called it quits. Then, we didn’t talk to each other for two weeks. Tonight another period came by, and I wanted to celebrate it, hoping to break the unfortunate chain of bad luck.

The alcohol was already in the refrigerator. Having put on an apron, I opened all the cabinets around the kitchen, quickly analyzing the ingredients and what I can make out of them. It wasn’t much, but pasta would have to be enough.

It wasn’t a fancy dish, but I was made it with love, so Jaemin shouldn’t have any complaints. Pouring my emotions into the pasta was to make it extra flavorful.

When the sauce was slowly cooking on the stove, I decorated the table. I wanted to provide Jaemin with some high-end restaurant experience despite being in my cramped apartment. It was the best thing out of two words; we had all privacy in the world offered by a homely atmosphere, but at the same time, we would eat some beautifully garnished food.

Just when I was about to drain the pasta, someone knocked on the doors.

“Coming,” I hollered before I put the pot in the sink, wiping my hands on the apron before making my way to answer the doors. “Hey there, beautiful,” I greeted Jaemin with a playful remark, standing on my toes to press a brief smooch on his adorable lips. It took him off guard, but in some sense, he liked it.

“Hey, it’s my line,” Jaemin nagged when his hands found purchase on my hips, bringing me closer for another kiss since one was never enough. “What do you have there? It smells delicious,” Jaemin turned his head, trying to peek inside to see what surprise I had prepared for him.

“You know, just some carbs,” I answered vaguely, sending him a playful smirk, not wanting to ruin the surprise. I wanted him to sit down at the table and wait for me to bring the whole dish and pour us some cheap champagne.

Jaemin took off his shoes, kicking them to the side. A second later, he handed me his coat, and I put it on the hanger. Jaemin was wearing a pair of gray jeans and a mint oversized hoodie, and I drooled over this comfortable look. He didn’t have to try hard to impress me.

“Just wait here. I’ll be back in a sec,” I spoke when I guided Jaemin to the table, forcing him to sit down in the chair. Jaemin wanted to help me out in the kitchen, but I firmly refused. Tonight I wished to impress Jaemin; he didn’t have to move a finger.

“I know it’s not much, but I hope you’ll still like it,” I whispered when I put a plate in front of him. “Dig in,” I added as I sat on the other side of the table, carefully trying to pop the champagne bottle open. Though I hated doing it, too afraid of breaking something or hurting someone, tonight I wanted to try it.

“What’s the occasion,” Jaemin wondered as he fondly watched me fight with the bottle. “Do you need some help? You’re gonna hurt yourself,” Jaemin offered, genuinely concerned about my safety. However, I just turned around, wanting to finish it by myself.

It took me good five minutes to pop it. And when I finally did it, Jaemin gave me a round of pitiful applause, officially declaring it’s his job from now on.

“It was just painful to watch,” Jaemin playfully commented, and I kicked his shin under the table, showing him how much appreciated his remark was. “So… what’s the occasion?”

“Do I really need to have a reason to spoil my boyfriend?” I innocently asked, batting my eyelashes, and Jaemin smiled at the word boyfriend. We had never discussed labels, but it was self-explanatory we were in a loving relationship. “I figured it’d be nice to give you some more attention,” I absentmindedly added as I reached for my phone to play some soft EDM music through the Bluetooth speaker.

“Is that it?” Jaemin wondered, gazing into my eyes, searching for any ulterior motive I might have. “Are you sure you’re not trying to butter me up before you say something I may not like? What did you do?” Jaemin inquired, and I chuckled loudly.

“Calm down, Na,” I spoke, making Jaemin look up at me once again. I only called him by his surname when I was extra affectionate, so he was curious what I was going to say. “I just wanted to hang out with you. That’s all,” I confessed, but Jaemin scrutinized his eyes, not really buying my innocent talk. “Okay, fine. There’s one more thing.”

“What is it?” Jaemin inquired, grinning at me.

“Can’t you already tell? I am trying to woo my way into your pants, duh,” I confessed, and Jaemin choked on his champagne as he did not expect this wording. “Your heart! I meant to say into your heart,” I corrected when I realized my little Freudian slip. “Wait, no, screw it. I second that. I want to get into both.”

“You’ve already got into one,” Jaemin declared with a lopsided smirk pinned to his face. “But... if you don’t suspect it already, you’re welcome in both,” he added mischievously, taking a sip of his alcohol. I, on the other hand, looked away, feeling the heat in my cheeks.

“Good to know.”

“Where are Jiwoo and Ten by the way?” Jaemin wondered as he looked around the apartment, finding it suspicious they didn’t crash our date yet. Under typical circumstances, Jiwoo or Ten would haul another chair to the table and steal the food, third-wheeling our date.

“Ten is at the dance studio. He’s having a dance competition next week, so he goes there every time he has some free time to practice. And Jiwoo is with Jaehyun. He came here to pick her up a few hours ago. I don’t think either of them is coming home anytime soon,” I explained, smirking. We had the place to ourselves.

Finally, we could bask in each other’s company without any intrusive guests.

“I’d like to cheers to that,” Jaemin raised his glass, clinking it gently against mine.

Having eaten the food, we moved to the couch.

“What now?” Jaemin asked as he stretched his arm, resting it on the back of the couch right over my shoulders.

“I have one more surprise,” I announced before I jumped to my feet. “Wait a second,” I added before bolting to my bedroom.

“What is it?” Jaemin inquired, having no clue what else I could surprise him with. “What do you have there?” He pressed, tilting his head to the side, trying to see what I was hiding behind my back.

“Let’s take some pictures,” I announced in excitement, showing him my Polaroid camera. “I finally bought some film, and I really want our photo in my wallet,” I added as I plopped down onto the couch, resting my head against Jaemin’s chest. “You take it,” I ordered, handing him the camera. After all, he was the prodigy of photography. Besides, his hands were longer than mine.

“I think that’s more than enough,” Jaemin spoke after snapping the twelfth picture.

Having put the camera on the coffee table, he wrapped his arms around me. Jaemin pulled me on his laps, embracing me tightly, placing a round of pecks against my temple.

“Wait! One more thing,” I hollered, leaning forward to reach for the envelope which was lying on the coffee table next to our photos.

“You can’t say it’s the last thing and then bring another one. That’s not how it works,” Jaemin nagged, a little flustered that I managed to find another excuse when he wanted to cuddle. “Who are you? A fitness instructor? When you say it’s the last one, it should be the last one. You can’t come up with new ones every three minutes.”

“I promise it’s the last one,” I sat cross-legged on the couch beside him, handing him the envelope. Cautiously, he pulled the card out of it, and I looked at him, studying his expression in excitement.

“Annoyingly, I like you way more than I’d originally planned,” Jaemin read the cover of the card, smiling widely at the passive-aggressive message. “It’s already good, and I didn’t even read what you wrote inside,” he commented before he leaned forward to kiss my forehead. “I don’t get it,” he added in confusion as he saw the blank page inside the card.

“It’s my love letter for you,” I clarified, but Jaemin was still clueless.

“It’s a blank page. You really have that little to say?” Jaemin asked, trying to make sense out of my card.

“That’s not how you were supposed to interpret that!” I yelled, climbing on his laps, wanting to tear the card out of his ungrateful hands. Unfortunately, Jaemin’s hands were longer than mine, so even when I was hovering over his thighs, I couldn’t reach it.

“How was I supposed to interpret that then?” Jaemin challenged, holding my hips, forcing them down on his laps.

“I wanted to write something meaningful, but I just couldn’t decide what. I have so many things I want to tell you, it wouldn’t even fit on the card,” I started, trying to find the best way to form a coherent sentence. “One way to interpret it is that you have to imagine it’s written in a very tiny font. Because I have so much to tell you, I wrote everything down, but you just can’t read it.”

“I like it,” Jaemin whispered, pressing a gentle kiss against my knuckles.

“Or you can say it’s blank because whenever I’m with you, my head is completely empty,” I added, chuckling at the corny confession. “Or you can assume there are no words to describe my feelings for you.”

“How is it possible that without writing anything, you managed to top all of my love letters?” Jaemin wondered, smiling at me. “What kind of sorcery is this?”

“No, Jaemin. You’re not giving yourself enough credit. I loved your love letters. They were silly, but at the same time, I could feel you really meant everything,” I reasoned, looking down at Jaemin’s lips, slowly leaning in for a delicate kiss.

“Okay, I have an idea,” Jaemin suddenly spoke as he grabbed my butt and threw me off his laps. “I need a pen,” he added, looking around the living room, finding the pen on the coffee table. In a hurry, he scribbled down something on the blank page of the card, making sure I couldn’t peek. “Here, I found my way to interpret it.”

“Oh?”

“Yes,” Jaemin answered confidently, handing me the card. “Read it out loud for me.”

“Okay, I guess,” I cleared my throat before I opened the card. “My beloved Jaemin,” I read, looking at Jaemin’s face with a raised eyebrow. This was going to be good.

“Carry on,” he urged, and I shook my head, unable to believe I was going to do it.

“You’re the most handsome man I have ever seen. You’re also the smartest and the funniest. Not to mention, you’re the best kisser in the world. What the fuck is this?” I interjected, having doubts, knowing it was a bad idea.

“Just keep reading, babe,” Jaemin ordered, wanting me to carry on with his antics. “Though you’re no poet, it’s, by a huge margin, the best love letter I have ever received,” he added, blowing his ego way out of proportion, and I rolled my eyes.

“Now, when I look at you, I understand there’s not a chance I wouldn’t fall for you. So, since there’s not much space left, I just wanna tell you that I love you. I really love you, Jaemin.”

Before I managed to complain that he forced me to say the L-word first, Jaemin interjected.

“Finally, took you long enough,” he teased, and I sighed, wondering where to hit him first. “As if you haven’t figured it out yet, I love you, too.”

“You’re impossible,” I commented, still not quite sure if we just confessed to each other.

“I’m impossible not to fall in love with,” Jaemin corrected, once again hauling me back on his laps, taking my breath away with a fervent kiss. “How about you show me how you want to get into my pants, babe?”

Having had enough of Jaemin’s teasing, I decided not to comply with his request.

“I think you should go.”

“You’re right,” Jaemin agreed too quickly, and it made me alert. “Let’s go to your room because once I start pounding into you, I will not stop even if a group of nuns was about to break in and steal all of your shit,” he added as he picked me up, carrying me to my bedroom.

“You’re impossible,” I repeated my words when Jaemin threw me onto my bed before he landed on it right beside me.

“I think we’ve already discussed this,” he remarked, reminding me of the remark he had given me earlier. “So… where were we?” Jaemin asked as he put his hand on my side, pulling me closer. Soon enough, his palm slipped under the hem of my shirt, caressing my skin.

“Is it weird that the only thing I can think about is you eating me out?” I wondered out loud, stripped of all remains of dignity. Jaemin was in my bed, and I was planning on taking full advantage of it.

“Not at all, love,” Jaemin replied, showing me his eager smile. Quickly, he sat on his calves between my legs, taking his time to take off my jeans. “I thought about eating you out way too often ever since that thing in the bathroom,” Jaemin confessed as he threw my jeans across the room.

Though my panties were still on, Jaemin began his teasing. His soft lips trailed across my thighs, driving me crazy. His lips touched every inch of my skin except for the area I wanted the most. At this point, my panties were dripping wet, yet he didn’t even think of pulling them to the side, giving attention to my much-ignored core.

“You’re killing me,” I whispered, slowly losing patience. If Jaemin kept up with his antics, I’d combust out of sexual frustration. “Bold of you to assume I won’t let you taste your own medicine,” I warned Jaemin. It worked because as soon as I voiced my mischievous threat, Jaemin’s finger hooked under the hem of my panties, quickly pulling them down my legs.

“You’re no fun at all,” Jaemin clarified before his lips finally landed on my clit, making me buckle my hips in an instant. Slowly, his mouth moved against my sweet spot, and I arched my back with each swirl of his tongue.

Though he barely started, I could feel the electricity coursing through my body. In my state of permanent frustration, it wouldn’t be difficult for Jaemin to make me come against his mouth.

Getting into it, Jaemin squeezed my hips, trying to keep me still when he ate me out. His jaw was dripping in my juices as he made his way down to lick my folds.

“Fuck,” I moaned loudly when Jaemin’s nose rubbed my clit when he was running his tongue all over my entrance. “I think I am gonna come,” I admitted what made Jaemin smirk through the kiss. Jaemin barely touched me, but I was already close.

“Come for me,” Jaemin urged, releasing my hips from his firm grip. Now when I could buckle my hips against his face, my orgasm was just seconds away. With my hand in his hair, I rocked my hips, basking in pleasure.

“I need your fingers,” I begged, and Jaemin quickly obeyed my shameful plea. I expected him to tease me further, denying me his long fingers, but he was kind enough to do anything to make me come.

Thanks to my juices and Jaemin’s saliva, his two fingers slid right in.

“Fuck,” I shouted at the top of my voice when the wave of pleasure shot right through me. Jaemin’s jaw still played with my clit as he continued his actions throughout the orgasm.

“You blew my mind, Jaemin,” I muttered after I regained my focus after he had made me come on his face. “I came so hard,” I confessed, smiling like an idiot. It was way too long ever since someone made me feel this good.

“You better get used to it because I am planning this to be a frequent occurrence,” Jaemin whispered, looking at my face as if it was an art piece. “Do you have condoms?” he casually asked as he pulled down his jeans. His erected cock was restrained in the denim fabric, and Jaemin needed to get rid of it.

“As a matter of fact, I do,” I replied as I opened the bedside table and threw a brand new package of condoms at Jaemin’s chest. “Jiwoo got me those after she walked on our pillow fight the other day. Apparently, she doesn’t want any cum stains on the couch.”

For a while, we were lying on the bed, staring at each other. Jaemin gave me some time to recover from my orgasm. According to him, I needed to take breaks because he didn’t want to over-stimulate me too soon.

“I really love you,” Jaemin confessed genuinely, and I quickly rolled closer to him, giving him another chase smooch. His confession was music to my ears, and I could listen to it on repeat without getting tired of it.

“I love you, too,” I quickly replied, leaning in for another kiss. With his hand on my cheek, he deepened the kiss, giving us another chance to get lost in the love trance.

Having thrown my leg over his hipbone, I hovered over his erection.

“Let me take care of you,” I said as I pulled away from the kiss. With a playful smirk upon my face, I grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head. Slowly after, my bra followed suit, and Jaemin grunted upon seeing me completely naked in front of him.

“Sexy,” he purred before he eagerly took off his hoodie, throwing it onto the floor. “On a second thought, maybe you should put something on. You’re too sexy, and I’d like to last longer,” Jaemin explained, handing me his hoodie so I could cover myself up. “No, it’s even worse. Take it off,” he changed his mind after seeing me in his clothes.

Carefully, I pulled Jaemin’s boxers down his legs, letting his rock hard cock spring free. Biting on my lips, I grabbed his erection, giving it a few gentle strokes.

“Fuck it, I am ready,” Jaemin yelled, placing his hand over mine, making me stop. “You have all the time in the world to blow me. Right now, I want to feel you,” he added, quickly pulling out a condom from its packaging.

“Let me at least roll it down for you,” I offered, and Jaemin sighed, weighing his options.

“Nah, I am not willing to take that risk,” Jaemin answered, proceeding to wrap his cock by himself. “Now, come here, sit down on it,” he urged, and I shook my head. Smiling like an idiot, I guided his cock towards my entrance, slowly sinking down on his length.

“You’re good?” I asked, trying to guess what was going on inside his brain. Judging by his sour expression, he must’ve been thinking about something terrible in order to stop himself from coming too soon.

“Yes, everything’s cool,” he reassured, and I took it as permission to gently rock my hips back and forth. Whenever I moved, Jaemin kept grunting quietly. Apparently, he also suffered from sexual frustration.

My hands were wandering all over his muscular chest, admiring his athletic built. My hips were moving at a steady rhythm, but whenever I happened to increase the tempo, Jaemin would slow me down with a firm grip on my hips.

“If you keep doing that, I might spank you,” Jaemin warned me, but it only made me want to disobey more. “Why did I even expect you to be a good girl?” Jaemin asked, rolling his eyes.

“Spank me,” I ordered, trying my best not to chuckle. “I dare you,” I added, pushing the right buttons. “Like that,” I moaned when Jaemin’s hand collided against my butt, shaking me with newfound excitement.

“You’re impossible,” Jaemin comment, still in shock after discovering how much into spanking I happened to be.

“I’m impossible not to fall in love with,” I remarked, using Jaemin’s own words against him.

Unable to handle my teasing, Jaemin sat up. “I love you so much,” Jaemin stated once again before he looked at my lips, kissing them. Now, when I was distracted by his tongue, it was easier for him to control my movement.

In our upgraded position, I significantly slowed down. Carefully, I moved up and down Jaemin’s cock, while he sneaked his hand between our entangled bodies, rubbing my clit. I was close, and I was about to come again.

I didn’t know what he was so self-conscious about. No doubt I would come first.

“Jaemin, I am coming,” I breathed out, messing up my rhythm. It was difficult to maintain the same tempo when Jaemin was playing with my clit. Jaemin’s lips moved down my neck, finding a perfect spot on my collarbone to leave a hickey.

“Me, too,” Jaemin whispered as he began thrusting from underneath me, now desperate to push the both of us off the edge. “You’re so tight, fuck,” he cursed as my walls started to swell around his throbbing cock.

Jaemin moaned against my skin, muffling his sinful sounds. I, on the other hand, screamed Jaemin’s name at the top of my voice, telling everybody in the world he was the person, making me feel this good.

Having fallen onto the sheets, we looked into each other’s eyes. We were panting as if we just ran a marathon. Not that I had any doubts, but Jaemin turned out to be a passionate lover, and it made me love him even more.

“You’re beautiful,” Jaemin complimented me, staring at my face in utter admiration. “I am so lucky,” he added, and I moved closer, snuggling up to him. It was still early, but I was so fucked out, I could fall asleep right there in his arms.

Having pulled me closer to his chest, Jaemin threw a duvet over our sweaty bodies. His fingers were tracing shapes on my shoulder when he pressed yet another peck against my temple.

“Are you down for another round?” Jaemin asked as he discarded the full condom. His cock was still semi-hard. In a few minutes, Jaemin would be ready for some more. “It’s cool if you’re not,” he added, trying not to put any pressure on me.

“I want you to do me all night,” I confessed, looking over my shoulder at the clock. It’s only 8 pm, and I could stay up till daylight with Jaemin.

“Do you want to go bowling tomorrow?” Jaemin asked, and I eagerly nodded. It was fun the last time I had joined the boys on their monthly trip to the bowling alley. Besides, I would be the first woman to break the unfortunate one-time-only curse. I couldn’t wait to show up two months in a row.

“I’d love that,” I answered, snuggling closer to Jaemin’s side.

In content, we basked in happiness until Jaemin regained enough energy to go for the third time. However, this time around, it was slow and steamy. Under the covers, Jaemin crawled on top of me, kissing every inch of my body.

“Do you want to roll it down on me? I think I can handle that,” Jaemin asked, and I reached for the condom, carefully rolling it down his length. “I wish I could fuck you without one, though,” he added, and I flicked his forehead, making him whine. “I’ll pull out.”

“I trust you, but it’s still a no from me,” I replied, guiding his cock into my entrance. Inch by inch, Jaemin pushed himself all the way in. “You fill me up so well,” I praised, purring into his ear. “I love your cock.”

Distance between our bodies was practically nonexistent. Jaemin was slowly snapping his hips, rubbing his pelvic bone against my clit, turning me into a moaning mess. I wouldn’t be surprised if my neighbors called the police because of all the noise coming from my bedroom.

“One day, you’ll let me fuck you raw. I’ll make sure you do,” Jaemin carried on, and I hissed, feeling the approaching orgasm. I didn’t even bother to comment on Jaemin’s statement. I was whipped for him. I knew I wasn’t able to maintain my assertive stance for long. Eventually, I’d cave in, letting him fuck me without a condom. It wasn’t today, though.

“In your dreams, lover boy,” I answered, but Jaemin just giggled, knowing I wasn’t serious.

“You have no idea how many times we’ve done it raw in my dreams,” Jaemin confessed as he picked up his pace, pounding into my pussy, making me moan at the sudden speed. “One day, I’ll tell you all about my fantasies, but right now, I really want this pussy to cream around my cock,” he added, his filthy words making my walls squeeze around his length.

“You wait until I tell you mine,” I challenged with a smirk. If Jaemin thought he was the only one with a dirty mind, he was seriously mistaken. While most of my fantasies were PG-13, there was still a large portion of naughty scenarios. Now, when Jaemin and I were finally together, it would be fun to try to recreate at least some of them.

“You better come because I can’t go much longer,” Jaemin warned me, pounding in and out, chasing his own release. “Fuck,” he yelled, falling on top of me as he shot his load into the condom. His cock twitched inside of me as he moved slowly, riding out his orgasm.

“Jaemin,” I hollered, coming undone underneath him. Despite the other peaks, this orgasm hit me the hardest. For a brief second, my vision turned black as I gave in to the pleasure.

Breathlessly, I lay in the sheets, slowly descending from my high.

“I think all I can do tonight is cuddle,” I commented, feeling too fucked out to engage in any other form of affection. “I don’t think I can walk.”

“It’s okay. I can carry you around the house,” Jaemin answered, finding a solution for my problem. Having pulled his limp cock out of me, Jaemin rolled down another condom, putting it aside.

“What is it?” Jaemin asked as he heard a noise from the living room.

“It sounded as if someone was knocking on the doors,” I spoke, trying to identify the sound. “It must be a courier for Jiwoo. She keeps ordering stuff online. It’s probably the late evening delivery she forgot about. Can you get it?”

“No problem, babe,” Jaemin answered as he put on his jeans, walking around the bed to answer the door.

At first, I wanted to wait for Jaemin in bed. However, it’s been like three minutes, and he didn’t come back, so I found it weird.

Having put on Jaemin’s hoodie and a pair of leggings, I made my way out of the room.

Jaemin was standing by the doors, looking inside a plastic bag. Whatever it was, it smelled like Thai food. Unfortunately, it didn’t explain anything. We were here alone, and we didn’t order anything.

Just when I was about to open my mouth and ask Jaemin what the hell was going on, Ten walked out of his room. It was strange, but I saw him leave, and I didn’t hear him come back.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked angrily, trying to hide my embarrassment. If he was here the whole time, he must’ve heard us having sex.

“I live here, duh,” Ten answered matter-of-factly, choosing not to give me the explanation which I desperately needed. “I think it’s mine,” Ten spoke as he walked up to Jaemin to take his Thai takeout.

Although Jaemin and I were standing in the living room in complete consternation, Ten didn’t seem to pay any attention to it. In front of his bedroom, Ten stopped in his tracks, turning his head to face me.

“Congratulations, by the way,” Ten spoke, making me even more embarrassed. “Three times, wow. It’s impressive. Don’t fuck this up, dear. He’s a keeper,” Ten added, sending me a playful wink before he disappeared inside his room.

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ruby-whistler · 3 years

Text

a complete list of my writing and analysis

[ updated: 29/08/2021 ]

PSA's and the like:

- therapy vs. emotional support - on excusing c!tommy's actions because of ptsd - static vs. dynamic characters on the dream smp (outdated) - important things to keep in mind during analysis and discussions - characters aren't synonymous with their past actions - the dehumanization of c!dream in the dsmp fandom - tag your positive posts! / tag your crit! - welcome to dreblr - the unofficial guide

memes and joke posts:

- what freaks out the dream smp fandom - c!karl & c!dream my beloveds <3 - dream apologist vibes - scratch that no vibes send help - the "i'm you" c!ranboo bit is beginning to make a lot more sense - "fighting with words" and "talking with violence" on the smp - the fandom's both biased and hypocritical apparently - *casually hates on l'manberg again* - "why are you a dream apologist?" - "c!dream and techno are imminent threats" yeah sure- - the five stages of grief ft. ruby (3rd life smp ending) - hermits' vibes by ruby; the only trustworthy source of information /j - l'manberg weren't pacifists nor the victims in the war - ...so c!wilbur said c!dream apologists are partially right - it's "l'manberg" and i take no criticism - why are we here, just to suffer - why friend isn't in wilbur's limbo - look, i don't excuse c!dream's actions. ok maybe some of them- - c!everyone apologists are the best at analysis - apparently we have the most angst and hurt/comfort fanfic. Why - meme through the pain i want him back pls - dream apologists are an unstoppable force of nature - this is how endersmile happened, right - the only valid dsmp citizen meme - oh look i still follow booktubers - i want you all to suffer as much as i suffer dealing with you - i like c!dream for being horrible. fight me. // genuinely love him too - the l'manberg anti salt post - healing fics that remove a character's core trait are not good

creative essays and objective analysis:

- on villains, heroes, and the metanarrative of the dream smp - my perception of the dream smp story and the characters in it - putting ghostbur's death into context - an analysis of c!dream's motivation during the l'manberg war - on l'manberg and c!wilbur's "death of the author" - dehumanization and victim blaming of c!dream part one - please let people have feelings about minecraft rp - dehumanization and victim blaming of c!dream part two - the reasons for the dehumanization of c!dream - c!wilbur was sure as hell gonna be ambitious - c!dream cares about people so much he won't let them care back - why c!dream should (and probably will be) redeemed: an essay - short semi-factual analysis of the prison death scene - there's no redemption before healing - what happened to c!techno wasn't "peer pressure" (best post!) - a scene-by-scene analysis of the original disc war - on blaming characters for c!dream's neglect and abandonment - add-on to the previous point by me and @/simplepotatofarmer - l’manberg was nothing but something to sacrifice for [v. 2.0!] - metaphor on the nature of redemption in narratives - statement on c!dream, justification and sympathy - c!dream's actions aren't based on beliefs; they stem from mindsets - c!tommy didn't deserve exile and c!dream didn't deserve the prison - (c!)dream is afraid of death; a speculative essay - c!dream isn't selfish - c!dream cares even if it hurts him - saying c!dream / c!techno should've left l'manberg alone is naive - with c!techno, c!dream is allowed to be a person, above all else - c!dream isn't the "main villain" and he hasn't "hurt everyone" - saying c!dream never cared is a mischaracterization (by anon) - c!dream isn't manipulating c!ranboo, actually (collab post) - c!dream is very clearly hurt - his trauma isn't loud, but it's there - l'manberg was, without question, built on xenophobia - please listen to the writers of the story about the characters - roleplay is supposed to be collaborative, not pre-written - the dream smp also doesn't need a "lead writer" - the common misinterpretations of c!dream and why no one is right - final disc war analysis and why it makes no sense (by anon) - why i am so attached the c!dream's character - on healing, redemption, and forgiveness - c!dream killed c!tommy to prove he was worth keeping alive - the duel is an example of actions that speak louder than words - the themes of the story line up with c!techno's narrative - c!sam hurts c!dream out of hatred stemming from fear - c!dream in season one was an anti-hero - c!sapnap is a bad friend // and acts like a bad person // + el rapids - yes, morality is a sliding scale! ...they're still all in the grey area! - a c!dream redemption'd fit incredibly well with the story's themes - a pretty long list of loose ends in the dream smp's story - c!dream wasn't owed being cared about, but he was still alone - i love c!dream. he's important to me. and that's okay. - scar is so funny and entertaining and amazing i love watching him - there's a difference between "unrealiable narrator" and "liar" - don't cut the sharp edges off of characters - people have a "minecraft persona", which c!dream used to be - on c!dream's alleged obsession with c!tommy - colour coding in dsmp analysis - by coffee anon!

#1/2 #continued in reblog!#don't rb this one!#this took hours

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male-reader-requests · 3 years

Text

Dog Days Pt.1

Pairings: Mirio Togata x Male!Reader

Word Count: 2,344

Warnings: This is technically part two to Puppy Love but it can be read as a stand-alone. This is also going to be split into 2 parts just because this one is already stupidly long, and I promise the next installment of this will be better and have more to do with the request!

When people first meet Mirio they tend to akin him to the sun. He's very bright and nice and lives to make people happy, and that's who he is. He doesn't hide behind a mask of lies to please others, that's just who he is.

When people meet (M/N) on the other hand they always think he's lying. No matter how nice and polite he is to everyone around him they always think he's some sort of delinquent, that he's a horrible person. "There's no way someone that tall could be good, no way someone with a quirk like that is a decent person."

Sometimes (M/N) wishes they were right.

(E/C) eyes shown with disdain as they looked on at the wreckage before them, blinking lazily as red shown in the dark. Mirio had somehow convinced him, despite (M/N) really not wanting to, to come see class 1-A and help out with training. It had seemed like a good idea, sort of, but now (M/N) just wanted to go to sleep.

This had all started because of that broccoli haired boy, what was his name? Midio? Medusa? Mizuza? Whatever his name was he'd found (M/N) and Mirio sometime this morning.

The two of them had been outside, Mirio messing with the flowers and grass while (M/N) worked on a paper for his History class. It was an odd, but cute sight if you ever saw it in person. Mirio had his head pillowed on one of (M/N)'s thighs, the taller male making use of his many pairs of hands. Two hands were typing away at the laptop in his lap, two of them were propping him up against the ground, and the other two were playing with golden hair.

Truthfully Mirio would have loved to have (M/N)'s undivided attention, but him passing his classes was also important so he chose to stamp down on that feeling. It was a nice and sunny day, warm and on the weekend. The two of them didn't have any plans but they did want to spend the time together, and Mirio had used that as a weapon.

Soon after (M/N) had finished his essay the green boy had shown up, talking to Mirio about some kind of training that (M/N) was too tired to remember but somehow the two of them had gotten dragged to a cityscape training field.

Aizawa was there, looking as tired as (M/N) felt, along with 19 students. Scratch that, there was 20, one of them was just ridiculously short.

All of them were dressed out of uniform, most likely in their hero costumes, and were staring at Mirio and (M/N) as if they were forgien objects.

(M/N) sighed, (E/C) eyes closed as his hands stuffed themselves in the multitude of pockets in his clothing. He hated dealing with children, 99% of them were afraid of spiders, but he hated dealing with teenagers more due to them not having come to terms with their fear of spiders. He wasn't a mean guy, but when someone is being rude to you over something you can't control it can make you pretty pissy.

And now here (M/N) was, looking at the wreckage brought on by an anger issue having pomeranian. He was hiding, well not really hiding but going stealthily behind the profanity-wielding child, in the shadows in a hope that they'd just call the match off.

(M/N) wasn't really much of a fighter. He could fight well, hell he could kill a man if he so pleased, but that wasn't really his thing. Due to the arachnid-ness of his being, he was much stronger than other people. Like actual spiders, he was somewhere between 100 and 150 times stronger in proportion to his weight, so (M/N) decided to use that strength to do wreckage clearing and rescue missions.

But now this blond Bitch was getting on every single nerve in his body and making him think of changing over to a confrontation hero.

"Come out you eight-legged freak!" the blonde yelled, hands sparking as he shouted to the sky.

(M/N) sighed as he sat on the ground, head propped up by one set of elbows as the others slowly gathered silk from his back. The kid was good, he could admit that, but he needed lots of polish. A literal shit load of polish, and then he would be a great hero.

With another sigh (M/N) looked up at the sky in wonder, wondering why he had to have been the one here, before whistling sharply. It got the kid's attention quickly, spinning around ready to attack, only for his hands to get attached to his body by a mass of silk slowly turning him into a cocoon.

He thrashed about, screeching as he slowly tilted back before falling with a less than dignified yelp. Groaning as he forced himself up off the ground (M/N) moved over to the kid, watching as he yelled out some pretty creative insults. (M/N) then promptly sat on his chest, ripping the ribbon off of the kids neck before holding it up in the air.

A buzzer went off before some red-haired kid made his way into the wreckage. Not wanting to see the kid mauled (M/N) got up, leaving the kid to pick his friend up. On the way out he met Mirio, giving the blond the ribbon that was meant for the two of them.

"You were great out there!" the blond was practically vibrating. He'd always enjoyed watching (M/N) use his quirk, watching him fight. "Yeah?" (M/N)'s voice was low and tired, but there was a slight smile on his face as he gently ruffled the blonde's hair.

He left after that, Mirio entering the training area to watch as Bakugo was drug off by Kirishima.

Izuku didn't really know what he'd been expecting, but this wasn't exactly it.

Earlier that day he'd found Mirio and uh... his boyfriend? together. They'd been talking softly about something but had stopped when Izuku had approached them. He then word dumped on them about how his class was doing some kind of special training and that it would be much appreciated if they could come and help.

Mirio had jumped right on, but the other boy had been a bit hesitant. Izuku could tell why now.

Mirio and (M/N) had thrown everyone's names into a bag and were drawn at random, fighting whoever until they either got through the whole class or were too tired to continue. The fights had all been stupid easy so far, Mirio taking everyone out quickly, or making them surrender.

(M/N)'s fights had been a bit messier. It was obvious he was uncomfortable fighting, his strength going on display when he'd hit through a wall on a missed punch. Everyone was wary of him, they knew nothing about how he fought and what kind of strengths he had other than the eyes and the arms.

The first person against (M/N) had ended up being Jiro. It had been a quick match, (M/N) capturing the girl in silk, but now after she seemed slightly dazed as she sat on the floor in the back of the room.

As Izuku looked around the room he realized that everyone that (M/N) had fought was actually more or less dazed, looking extremely sleepy. Confused, and a bit concerned Izuku made his way over to Jiro who had been hit first, but was cut off as Aizawa declared (M/N) the winner of his fight between him and Bakugo.

Mirio went to go greet the other male before going to his fight, (M/N) coming in looking tired.

There were soot marks all over his skin thanks to dodging Bakugo's attacks, and Izuku watched as he rubbed at his eyes, smearing it like cheap eyeliner. He watched as (M/N) yawned and made his way over to a corner before sitting, letting his head fall back and close his (E/C) eyes. The red ones stayed open.

It was a bit unnerving to look at that, to watch as pure red eyes moved around in their sockets to look around. It was hard to figure out where they were looking exactly since they were one color without a pupil, but Izuku got the general idea that he was looking around at everything.

Midoriya had heard things about (M/N) from other students and in passing, most of it coming from Mirio gushing about him at any given point, but he knew he was strong.

A lot of people, mostly the second years, seemed weirded out that (M/N) had already decided to become a rescue hero. It wasn't very common that people decided what kind of hero they would become in their 3rd year, most waited until they had a bit of experience to see what they were best at, and even then most people wanted to become confrontational heroes, to be the person who took down the bad guy and saved everyone. (M/N) seemed content to stick to the shadows.

Maybe it had to do with his arachnid quirk, not wanting to be seen or to be put in any danger? Maybe it was just a personal preference though?

Midoriya hadn't realized it, as per usual, but he was mumbling to himself. Lost in his own little world he didn't notice that 6 red eyes had shifted to look at him, (S/T) ears tuned into the mess of words pouring from his mouth.

For (M/N) he was used to people talking about him behind his back, he was odd even in a world of superheroes. He had 6 arms and 8 eyes, he was far from normal so people talked about him. Most of it wasn't very good, people talking about how creepy he was and how he wouldn't be a good hero because he wasn't good with people, but the drivel coming from the bush-boy was statistics and questions about his quirk.

All of it curiosity without any of the disgust and distrust.

Curious, (M/N) focused all 6 red eyes on the boy, his figure slowly coming into focus.

Like an actual spider (M/N)'s eyes were put into groups for seeing different things. 3 of them were for noticing motion in a blurry wide-angle vision, 3 of them were specifically for judging the distance between things, and the 2 that weren't red were the only ones that actually focused on things and saw in color. These ones were for locking onto things when he needed to.

Right now the green-haired boy was a blurry figure that actually just looked like a tall bush. He was roughly 8 feet away, mumbling to himself.

Confused, and slightly concerned as to why the boy had taken such an interest in him, (M/N) let his head drop onto his shoulder, cracking his eyes open to squint at the male. He didn't seem to be noticing his surroundings, but the other students were ignoring his words so this must have been a normal thing.

Sighing, (M/N) sat up so that he was leaning forward, scooting himself around so he was actually facing the kid.

He was a little under average height, messy hair and wide eyes, freckles. He looked like the sort of kid you'd want as a younger brother, cute in a sort of boyish way, but now he looked like a deer in headlight.

Midoriya, who had been lost in his own world, hadn't noticed that (M/N) had moved, but now the tall male was a bit closer. He was sitting cross-legged, arms propping him up on the floor and on his elbows, but all 8 of those eyes seemed to be trained on him as his head tilted slightly to the side.

It... was horrifying in all honesty. (M/N) was tall, he was a big guy in general, but as he peered at Midoriya it was terrifying. Like being under the eyes of a predator.

"What's your deal?" (M/N) said softly, the words slurring slightly with exhaustion.

Midoriya knew he was being spoken to, knew that (M/N) was talking to him, but at the moment he was a mere statue in a garden. He was stuck.

The area where (M/N)'s eyebrows should have been furrowed, confusion crossing his features. The kid had been mumbling to himself just fine a moment ago but now he was completely still, eyes impossibly large.

Concerned, (M/N) drug himself to his knees, leaning forward to lightly tug at the kid's uniform. It was like setting off a firework, fine for a second or two before he exploded.

He immediately tried to jump back, only to stumble and fall like the clutz he was.

(M/N) blinked owlishly at the kid, who was also blinking in confusion.

The kid wasn't... actually scared of him, right? He was a teenager, he could get over his fear and realize that (M/N) wasn't going to hurt him... right?!

The kid looked scared though, and it felt like a punch to the gut.

Sighing lightly (M/N) waved a hand at the green-haired male, moving to stand up.

"Sorry for startling you," he mumbled, pulling his hood over his head before stuffing his hands in various pockets.

Times like now (M/N) wished he had been born without so many limbs, even if it was just so that he could have sleeves to hide himself with.

#anime #xmalereader #x male reader #Mirio Togata #mirio togata x male reader #mirio x male reader #bnha #mha #bnha imagines

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gyroshrike · 3 years

Note

Tell me why you love Gamtav; give me a whole rambling essay if you can. I like seeing people excited over the things and ships they like!

Oh, are you sure you want this? Do you really want to open Pandora's Box? Are you ready for the amount of rambling I can do about GamTav? How much time do you have? Because this is going to be a doozy. I haven't even started writing it and I can tell.

And before I get into it, people gotta know that most of this is based off of pre-murderstuck Gamzee

What do I like about GamTav? What do I like about GamTav??? One of the things that plays into me loving this ship so much is how much I love Gamzee and Tavros as individuals. Whenever I start reading a new piece of media, without question my favorite characters are almost always the really, really nice ones. Boku no Hero Academia? Kirishima. Anohana? Poppo. Legend of Korra? Bolin. And in the beginning of Homestuck, Gamzee and Tavros are just really, really NICE.

Oh, well, Gamzee is really, really nice. When we first see Tavros, he’s being a little shit to the kids, but that's because he was intentionally trying to troll. But once we get into Act 5 and we see Tavros interact with his friends, we realize he's generally a really kind person. His conversations with Nepeta, Gamzee and Aradia are all really sweet. His pesterlog with Vriska, which is the first one we get to see after he is revealed to us as a character, immediately paints a picture of him as someone struggling with his self-esteem and someone who is trying really hard to build himself up as a person. Way to fuckin’ endear me to a character IMMEDIATELY.

For most of the early comic until Act 5, we see all the trolls trolling the kids and even talking shit back and forth to each other. Gamzee was one of the first trolls who we see be purely sweet and supportive to his friends. His first pesterlog after we’re introduced to him is with Karkat and Karkat does nothing but talk shit. xD He does his usual song and dance of saying just the absolute worst things possible in that Karkat way of his and Gamzee just laughs and nods and basically says, “Yeah brother, you go, I love you, you're my best friend.”

We see Gamzee talk with Equius and we already know at this point that Equius is weird, but Gamzee is so jazzed to be talkin’ with his friend. He's just so supportive of Equius and even when Equius tells Gamzee that he must stop doing soper, Gamzee just says, “Okay, sure, you got it, I trust what you're telling me because you're my friend.” Now Equius is not actually ready for Gamzee to listen to him and backtracks and is like, “Wait, no, you don't have to listen to me, let's roleplay instead,” and Gamzee's like, “I don't know how to roleplay, but I'll try for you bro.” He’s just really fucking cute???

Short version: When we meet them, Tavros is someone you want to root for and Gamzee is just the nicest guy on the planet.

Gamzee loves his friends so much and from early on it's made apparent that he wants to love and support them, and would honestly do a lot for them even if he doesn't know what he's doing.

Also along with just being a generally sweet guy Tavros is the nerd archetype I love? He loves the troll equivalent of Pokemon and card games and other things like that. Also he just really loves animals? And I always love the characters who love animals. It's a really big weakness I have. Not to mention, talking with them? That's so COOL? So badass??? Like, UM???? He could control them, but he doesn't like forcing them to do bad things against their will. (Going off of how when suggested he control the imps to defeat them, but feels like that would be unfair/mean.)

SPEAKING OF THE IMPS. Of the twelve trolls, Tavros and Gamzee are the two of them who BEFRIENDED their imps. Isn't that so fucking rad????? They both started off fighting them at first, but then they both later mention that they are able to chill with their imps instead. Gamzee shares pie with them and Tavros communicates with them using his powers. I freaking LOVE that parallel. When I first noticed it I almost keeled over. See, I'm also a sucker for characters who like to attempt peace before conflict, so of course I'm going to love that both of them made friends instead of enemies.

So Act 5 Homestuck has already set me up to basically completely love these two characters. Now, I am a really big shipper. In almost every piece of media I go into I generally come out with ships and that's a big way that I engage with fandom. Now Homestuck, I actually didn't ship that much at first when I first started reading, which is pretty strange for me. I think I just kind of let the ships fall into my lap up until that point. I know my brain had really enjoyed the ideas of Karkat and Terezi, Dave and Terezi, and had even teased inklings of "What if?" and "Oh, I like them," about Rose and Kanaya. But for the most part I wasn't really into Homestuck for shipping at first.

The concept of GamTav, or PBJ as it was more commonly referred to then, was introduced to me by my friends. I had two irl friends who were reading the comic with me and they were ahead of me by some decent amount of pages at the time. At one point they started making references to PBJ and really liking PBJ and I was a little confused because I didn't quite know what they were referring to at first. I learned pretty soon that PBJ was Gamzee and Tavros and I remember being really excited for the ship because it was the first time I'd seen my friends get that excited for a ship. Which is really funny because now in the twilight years of the Homestuck fandom, of the three of us, I'm the only one gripping white-knuckled onto GamTav and breathing it like my life depends on it, while the other two have moved on to much different things. If I'm being honest, I'm pretty sure one of them doesn't even really like Gamzee that much anymore, but respects how much I love him and lets me rant and rave to her about him whenever I want.

It wasn't long after that that I finally got to the infamous "Make out a little" conversation between Gamzee and Tavros. I read the pesterlog and suddenly everything I had seen and heard from my friends made sense. I mean, not that I'm saying that's the ONLY reason GamTav makes sense. I just mean I understood what my friends specifically were talking about. Of the pesterlogs we've seen between them before that, Gamzee and Tavros obviously had a decent friendship. I'm pretty sure in the comic Gamzee was the first person to have a pesterlog with Tavros who is genuinely nice to him. (And this is conversation happens directly after Tavros’ conversation with Vriska, so it’s a wild contrast.) So as a friendship, I was already super down with Gamzee and Tavros-- you know what? Now that I think about it, I feel like I remember in [S] Make Her Pay being disappointed that Gamzee and Tavros were fighting alone and not with each other. Because a lot of the other trolls had paired up to be cool duos, you know? We had Karkat and Terezi, Feferi and Sollux, Nepeta and Equius, and I think I remember being bummed that Gamzee and Tavros weren't paired up. So I, at the very least, think I wanted things for these two even if I hadn't stepped into the realm of actually shipping them yet. I don't remember, this was YEARS ago.

Anyway, the infamous makeout conversation happens, and I'm sold hard for life. I have a lot of other Homestuck ships that I'm into and I enjoy, but none have ever, ever, ever, ever come close to GamTav.

I realize that I've written so much and I still haven't gotten to the meat of why I like them.

So I like ships where the parties involved are best friends. I love it when the characters in a ship are bros who love hanging out, who love doing silly things together. That awesome video "What your favorite Homestuck ship says about you" had me dead to rights. Called me out so hard. My ideal ship dynamic is "being stupid together"? Way to come for the throat. That's exactly it. At their core, Gamzee and Tavros are one of the funnest bro combinations I have ever seen. And what makes them so fun is both of them are huge dorks. HUGE dorks.

When we first meet Gamzee, he stares off into the colors of his miracle modus while making the most ridiculous face, tries to unicycle but just fuckin' pieruettes right off if it because his legs are too short, and just straight up reaches into his modus with his bare hands. Don't even get me started on how he scares himself with his own horns. That shit kills me.

We've already talked about how Tavros is a huge nerd, so that's covered. But like… have you heard him rap? This guy just gets so into it and has so much fun while simultaneously sounding so silly. He's flirty and awkward and ridiculous and has this shit eating grin on all the time.

They are those two friends who get up to shenanigans where everyone else around them just kind of shakes their head and thinks that they're so dumb (in an affectionate way), but they don't care because all they DO care about is how much fun they're having together.

One of my favorite things about Homestuck in general is it lets its characters be bad at things. John and Karkat suck at coding. Gamzee, Tavros, and Dave are bad at rapping. Rose becomes a prolific author, but I would argue she's bad at writing when she's 13 because, wow is it a slog to get through her wizard fanfiction LMAO.

And GamTav is a perfect example of two people who just have fun together being bad at things together. There's no pretense of needing to be cool or needing to be good at something or any type of shame or embarrassment. They're just so silly and they don't mind being silly around each other and they never make the other person ashamed of who they are. We even see some of that last bit in the comic. Gamzee never puts Tavros down. In one conversation, he acknowledges Tavros' disability, but doesn't taunt Tavros for it, doesn't make it a joke, or make him feel bad. It's just acknowledged and then they move on. Then Tavros mentions that while he doesn't share Gamzee's religious or spiritual views, he is supportive of them. I am such a sucker for shit like that.

In every way, shape, and form, Gamzee and Tavros are supportive of each other and just and totally uplift the other person. Both of these characters go through so much verbally (both jokingly and maliciously) at the hands of their peers for being who they are that Gamzee and Tavros' conversations were so refreshing to just see them be unabashedly themselves with another person.

And they make each other happy! Tavros' first conversation with Gamzee was the first time we see where Tavros is purely elated to be talking to the person he is talking to. And Tavros obviously makes Gamzee really happy. They just make each other so happy! And I love that shit!

Gamzee is, without restraint, supportive of everything that is Tavros. Gamzee is the type of person who would look at anything Tavros wants to do or is trying to do and put his whole heart in supporting Tavros and telling him, "Yeah bro, you can do this, you're amazing, I love you, go get 'em, you're the best, you can do anything you put your mind to,” and I love that for Tavros.

Gamzee was the friend I spent all of Homestuck wishing Tavros had. Tavros spent so much time talking to Vriska, interacting with Vriska, adventuring with Vriska. And that entire time I was just wishing that Gamzee was there instead, just so Tavros would have someone to be nice to him.

After murderstuck, I spent years waiting for Gamzee and Tavros to meet in a dream bubble. That was all I wanted. I wanted Gamzee to have to look Tavros in the eye and face what he had done, own up to everything to the person he loved most in the world. But of course, post murderstuck, Gamzee gets everything stripped away from him that made him the character he was in the beginning. It wasn't even a satisfying villain arc! It was just confusing! I feel like I could have dealt with it if Gamzee was a well-rounded villain. But instead his entire villain shtick was just surrounded by a bunch of question marks! I spent all of Homestuck waiting to learn what exactly was going on with Gamzee and then we never got that and that fucked me up.

And of course, oh, of course, up until the very end of the series, in the very, very, very last animation we ever see, Homestuck Act 7, Tavros is standing by Vriska's side, as he has had to do since the very beginning.

I haven't read the epilogues or Homestuck 2, so I'm not going to touch on anything that happens in those series and I would appreciate it if no one responded to this with spoilers. Don't even tell me things like, "Oh, you'll like Gamzee," or "Oh, you'll hate Gamzee," or anything like that. I don't want any hints. I already got enough. I want to form my own opinion when I finally get the energy to go in.

Nowadays, I stick almost exclusively to humanstuck AU's for my GamTav. Because even if canon GamTav wasn't so sad and depressing, there are other things that make me way too sad to think about. As a bronze blood, Tavros's lifespan is going to be significantly shorter than Gamzee's. No matter the good or bad context surrounding their relationship. Even if they were the perfect, fluffy, happy couple in canon, I can't deal with that lifespan difference. It breaks my goddamn heart.

I live in a world where I can rewrite the circumstances surrounding these characters and make it play out in a way that is much more to my liking. Writing them in humanstuck AU's lets me take away all of the things that make my heart hurt and instead repurpose them for really meaningful, emotional character building arcs and that's my main focus when it comes to GamTav.

Something I'm also really picky with when it comes to this ship is that I need the core of Gamzee and Tavros' character growth to happen apart from each other. I have found that I don't like stories that center Gamzee and Tavros or their relationship as the pivotal point of their development. I don't like when Gamzee is the pillar of Tavros' confidence. I do like when Gamzee helps out building Tavros' confidence by being supportive and saying nice things and encouraging him, but I don't like it when he is the main source. I don't want Tavros' growth to be hinged on Gamzee being in his life.

The same goes for Gamzee. I don't like stories where Tavros is the one thing keeping Gamzee from doing bad things. I don't like when their relationship is framed as being the one thing keeping Gamzee from going murder mode all over his friends again. I've read fics where Gamzee struggles either with murderous instincts as a troll or mental health as a human and Tavros is one of the only things that keeps him from going off the deep end. I don't like that. I want Gamzee's growth to be primarily on his own or at the very least not supported by his romantic partner. Of course, I love it when Tavros is there when he needs him to hold him or soothe him or say kind things or help him through his struggles. I'm not saying I don't want Tavros to comfort him at all or ever, I just don't want Tavros to be his sole anchor.

I just love idiot best friends in love.

Oh, OH! ALSO. Gamzee doesn’t give a FUCK about the hemospectrum. One of the first things he says to Equius is how he doesn’t get it, how he’s not better than anyone else, how he doesn’t even know how to ACT better than anyone else. How am I not supposed to love that?

Opposite sides of the hemospecturm relationships are so fun. I love the idea of Gamzee entering a room full of strangers and them being like “Oh no! :O !!!! Scary subjuggulator!!” and Tavros comes rushing over all happy and excited and they just snuggle all cute and gross and everyone watching’s jaw just drops.

This might sound weird, but I also think one of the things that endear me to characters is them getting misinterpreted and then me having fun drawing them more ‘accurately’? Tavros is so often depicted as uwu soft weepy boi and I love drawing him with a mischievous grin just as ready to do something stupid and get himself into trouble as Gamzee is. Equius TOLD Tavros not to go near the stairs with his new robo legs. What is one of the things Tavros does immediately? Go try the fuckin’ stairs. And he KEEPS DOING IT.

*lays down on the floor* I just… I just want domestic GamTav where they move into a nice wheelchair accessible home (modified in a similar way to Tavros' hive in Pesterquest) and Gamzee massages Tav's back when it aches and tells him he's the light of his life and in turn Tavros holds Gamzee close on his darker days and Tavros kisses his hands and brushes his hair out of his eyes and boops his nose and they laugh so hard together that they cry.

#homestuck #gamtav #gamzee x tavros #gamzee makara #tavros nitram #hs pbj #homestuck pbj #asks for me #anon #HERE IS IS ANON #RAMBLY AS ALL HELL

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callumilott-archive · 3 years

Text

the curious case of the renault sport academy: an essay

alternatively titled: the essay i wasn’t going to write about the mess of the rsa but here it is anyway, supported by facts (also titled: the curious case of anthoine & guanyu)

some standard background: rsa started in 2016, they organise training camps occasionally (tho not so much what with covid) that consist of a lot of cycling. so much cycling they all cry about it. they currently have 6 drivers signed to their academy of which one is a notable outlier - guanyu zhou. the other boys signed have all won titles at one point. guanyu has not. in fact, his best championship result was a second place in 2015, he has not placed higher than 6th since. now, renault is known for snatching up title winners, the winner of formula renault would get signed to the academy (like max fewtrell, oscar piastri) and they’ve picked up some other promising guys as well, signing them to the academy straight away.

if we count back to 2019, another curious addition adds itself to the academy. actually should say 2018 because that’s where it gets interesting. anthoine’s results in 2017 weren’t mind blowing, he didn’t score a single win but did manage to get a couple fastest laps to find himself in 4th position at the end of the year. renault invent a new role, designed specifically for anthoine as he was the first driver to carry this role: affiliate driver. it’s not quite being signed to the academy, he doesn’t run a renault livery, merely has renault on the rear wing (and ART ran an altered livery for 2 other renault kids in f3 the following year), but he does get to go on training camps. it’s a sort of halfway signing, and while i have not been able to find any proof for this, i suspect they told him to win the gp3 title for an actual signing (stick, meet carrot) or get dropped. as we know, he did win and he did get the full signing, black and yellow suit included.

the only other affiliate i’ve been able to find was leonardo lorandi in early 2019, around the same time anthoine got ‘promoted’ for lack of a better word. lorandi didn’t do so well however (18th place in the championship that year) and i haven’t heard anything about him so i suspect he’s just kind of disappeared. definitely was not added to the academy. begs the question, if you want to have a junior program filled with talented drivers and you have someone with better results than one you already signed. why the hassle? why sign guanyu with no outstanding results since 2015, but invent a whole new role for anthoine with a better result in 2017 and a title to his name (french f4 2013)? i’m gonna take an educated guess and say the answer is money.

this isnt related to my essay BUT since im talking about this anyway and i’m still pissed about this, have a little look at the very backhanded compliments of one cyril abiteboul on september 2, 2019. https://www.planetf1.com/f1-races/belgian-grand-prix/abiteboul-f1-was-right-to-race/ make of this what u will :)

moving on, there’s also the matter of renault dropping drivers like hot potatoes at a fairly similar rate to red bull, if i’m honest. guys in the academy in 2018 were long gone by the time 2019 rolled around. ye yifei was a newly signed member of the rsa in 2019, a new signing for placing third in formula renault the previous year. he had a dreadful season in f3 and was consequently dropped. he then finished second in f3 asia (late 2019/early 2020) and went on to win euroformula open in 2020. not a bad driver, right. victor martins, too. his name might sound familiar if you’ve watched formula renault in 2020, because he became champion. the year before that, runner up in formula renault (to oscar piastri). renault dropped him anyway, presumably because he did not win the title. very interested to see if they’re gonna have to sign him again because he won. anyway, i digress.

rumour’s been going around that max fewtrell and hadrien david will both be dropped from the academy for not acquiring results expected of them. in this i would just like to point out that hadrien is literally 16 and this was his second season of single seaters, and he was a total rookie in formula renault. most recent formula renault champions (max fewtrell, oscar piastri, victor martins) required 2 years to get up to speed in that category. hadrien placed tenth in a field of 22, so not entirely dreadful. max fewtrell’s season was just a disaster all around and given that he has 2 titles to his name (2016 and 2018), i wouldn’t go ahead and call him a bad driver. now i have no clue what happened or why he and hitech decided to part ways before spa but it’s pretty obvious he wasn’t feeling good in that team.

THEN there’s also the matter of the rsa director saying everyone did a fuckin terrible job except oscar. https://formulaspy.com/f1/renault-we-expected-more-from-our-junior-drivers-73087 ‘not mad just disappointed’ vibes.

in short, the rsa just feels like a giant mess and like they’re desperately trying to gather whichever driver is hot topic at the moment and then dropping them without hesitation when they don’t perform up to standard. do they even get support aside from the cycling bootcamps? and WHAT are they even gathering them for, considering there’s the ongoing issue of no renault seats ever going to a member of their academy. my professional conclusion is this: FUCK renault. thank u for ur attention

#.txt #this is so long i did actual research for this #the whole affiliate thing just fuckin baffles me #like. what was the point #'in my professional opinion' being i literally do not know shit i just know that when i have questions about shady shit going #its almost always 100% about money #long post #renault sport academy #this is really just for myself i spent an hour on this n i had fun browsing wikipedia #love doing research when its not for a grade #all stats are just public #for the record i love guanyu i just cant understand his signing from a logical point of view #it makes no sense

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mostlycompetentwriter · 4 years

Text

Awaken

F/M Pairing: Y/N x Hwang Hyunjin (some mentions of Y/N x Seo Changbin)

Word Count: 7.5K

Warnings: Explicit smut and language, use of vibrators, Hyunjin is kinda obsessed in this one

Genre: College AU; Professor AU

Summary: When Y/N transferred into a prestigious all-girls university, she never expected to be on the receiving end of a very handsome professor’s near-constant attention.

It had been a difficult decision - transferring from my previous school into one of the most Elite universities in the world. I understand that it might seem contradictory, but there were several uncertainties that impeded my ability to make a decision. The first being an existential dread surrounding the idea of leaving behind my best friends, including my off-and-on again boyfriend, Changbin. The second reason involved my new university’s strict mandate that it would only accept female applicants.

Yes, the school only admitted women, and as someone who maintained a diligent sex life with previous boyfriends, I was not excited by the prospect of being forced into celibacy.

But the pressure from my parents and close academic advisors eventually forced my hand, and I found myself dragging most of my belongings out of my dorm room with a few friends helping me along. “What the hell is in this suitcase, Y/N?” Jisung asked, grunting with the effort of dragging my bag along the sidewalk.

“Probably just clothes,” I said, shrugging because I was trying to remain perfectly nonchalant about my transfer, even though I was having a total meltdown on the inside.

“I think that’s all of it,” Changbin said, and he was giving me that same somber look that I was starting to hate - the one that told me he wasn’t very happy about my transfer. “You know,” he continued, bracing himself against the side of my car. “If you ever need me, I’m only a phone call away.”

“Quit trying to get your dick wet, Changbin, and grab something!” Chan snapped. “Or, are those arms just for show?”

Changbin rolled his eyes, but he leaned down to grab my laundry basket before bringing it to the trunk. “Are you gonna miss us, Y/N?” Jisung asked.

“Not as much as you’ll miss me,” I said. “Who else will edit your essays, Han?”

Jisung frowned as if he was actually thinking deeply about my question. “Maybe I could just email them-”

“Jisung,” Chan interrupted, knocking against his shoulder with an affectionate smile. “There’s still one more box inside.”

“I’m on it!” Jisung shouted, and I grinned at the sight of the younger boy pumping his arms as he jogged back up the staircase.

“He doesn’t really get the severity of the situation,” Chan said, leaning next to me to against my car.

“It’s okay,” I said, looking down at my shoes. “I’ll miss all of you.”

“Y/N,” Chan said, “I thought we weren’t gonna cry until after you left.”

I sniffled around the rising urge to do exactly that before tossing my arms around his neck for a long embrace. “You’ll come see me, right?”

“Of course,” Chan agreed, pulling back to meet my gaze. “Ya! Don’t cry over this, Y/N. It’s supposed to be your big opportunity.”

“Yeah,” I murmured, but it didn’t really feel like it anymore, and when my eyes connected with Changbin’s, I couldn’t help but feel a terrible weight pressing down on my chest.

Maybe this was the worst idea ever, but I was already enrolled for the upcoming academic semester. I would do my best, of course, but I desperately hoped that my parents might reconsider another transfer. Because these were my friends (and my sometimes boyfriend), and I belonged with them.

“Don’t think too much about it,” Chan instructed me firmly. “Call us if you ever want to hangout.”

“I will,” I promised him, and he brushed a friendly kiss across my forehead. It was the ultimate sign that I had truly signed my life away on the enrollment papers for the school in the next town. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad once I made new friends, but at this moment, everything hurt and I was doing my best to hold myself together as I drove away with my old life waving goodbye from the rear-view mirror.

Upon the start of the Spring semester, I was officially moved into my new dorm room which I was sharing with an very enthusiastic young woman named Claire. Her optimism was unmatched, and she had spent most of the day dragging me around campus while pointing out anything that seemed remotely interesting. “You’ll love it here, Y/N!” she promised, and I feigned a smile mostly for her benefit.

“It seems nice,” I told her later on after we returned to our shared dorm room.

“Oh, yeah, the teachers are great!” she said. “What’s your schedule like?”

I shrugged with vacant dismissal, reaching into my bag to hand her the folded piece of paper I had received earlier that week. “You got in Mr. Hwang’s class!” Claire abruptly squealed. “You lucky bitch!”

“What’s the big deal?” I grumbled, snatching my schedule back out of her hands.

“The big deal!” Claire shrieked like I had just committed an unforgivable crime. “He’s only the hottest teacher on campus!”

I rolled my eyes because I should’ve anticipated something superficial. But I was beginning to understand that most of these poor girls were thirsty for anything remotely attractive, and I had even witnessed one girl lusting over a much-older professor just because he still had all of his hair. It was everything I feared about an all-girls institution, and I was beginning to experience the same mania as the rest of them.

But my thoughts usually went to Changbin, and there was no way I would ever fantasize about one of my teachers. “How old is he?” I asked.

“He’s only 27!” Claire giggled. “I’m not kidding, Y/N, it looks like he was literally sculpted by the gods!”

“That’s original,” I muttered. “Well, I hope he’s good at poetry.”

“Oh, he’s the best,” Claire assured me, but I didn’t think I could take her word for it because she was certainly biased when it concerned his looks. “He’s been published all around the world!”

“He must be decent,” I said because the school’s academic reputation wouldn’t allow anything less than acceptable.

“My friend had a class with him last semester,” Claire continued, and I regretted not changing the topic earlier. “Apparently, she could hardly concentrate on the lesson because she couldn’t stop staring at his ass.”

“Your friend sounds dedicated.”

“There’s also a rumor going around campus that he only got his position because he seduced our admissions advisor!”

I snorted at the idea. “I doubt I’ll be that interested in him.”

“Whatever you say, Y/N,” Claire sing-songed. “You’ll change your mind when you see him.”

“I highly doubt it,” I muttered, and I glanced over at the side table where my phone was waiting. “I’ll be back,” I said, and I left the dorm room and found myself in an isolated study room which I ensured was locked before dialing Changbin’s number.

Then, I settled down against the couch and closed my eyes, shoving my hand underneath the waistband of my sleeping shorts to gently graze my fingers against my clitoris.

Graciously, Changbin picked up after the fourth ring: “Y/N?” he said. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I just wanted to hear your voice.”

Changbin chuckled, and the static from the phone made it sound far more guttural. I bit my lower lip as I dipped one finger inside my tight heat. “How’s your new roommate?” he asked. “Chan told me that she was unbearable.”

“She’s chatty,” I said, taking a deep breath before asking him: “Changbin, I miss you.”

He was silent from the other end, and I could only pray that Changbin had read the situation correctly, especially when I offered a quiet moan into the receiver. “Are you touching yourself, Y/N?” he asked, and I nodded even though he couldn’t see me.

“I wish you were here,” I told him, and I smiled at the familiar sound of Changbin’s zipper as he tugged his pants down those thick thighs that I loved.

“I’m here, babe,” he said, and there was a slight desperation to his tone. “What are you thinking about?”

“You,” I said, hissing around a stuttered exhale when I grazed a sensitive spot. “I’m thinking about your cock, Changbin.”

He moaned from the other end, and the slick sound of Changbin lubing up his erection was particularly raunchy. “I want you here with me, Y/N,” Changbin said, and I could easily imagine him jerking off his cock from behind my eyelids. “I’d have you on your hands and knees, fingering that little pussy of yours.”

I gasped at his words, arching my back against the couch as I shoved my fingers even further inside. Changbin had an uncanny gift for dirty talk that I attributed in large part to his irresistible baritone voice. “Tell me more,” I begged him.

“Are you wet?”

“Yeah.”

“Good,” Changbin growled. “I could just slide right in.”

“Oh, fuck,” I cursed, and I imagined everything as he continued to describe it to me - moving my fingers even faster at the phantom sensation of his cock filling me up so well like he always did whenever we had sex together. “I want to come so bad for you.”

“Then do it,” Changbin said, grunting from his end as he undoubtedly brought himself to completion.

And I eventually came with a loud moan - shameless despite the thin walls of the surrounding dorms. But I was on cloud nine, savoring the necessary heat of my well-deserved orgasm. “Call me tomorrow,” Changbin said after a while, and I had almost forgotten that we were still talking.

“Yeah,” I panted around a sigh. “I will.”

The bell-tower struck noon when I entered Hwang Hyunjin’s poetry class for the very first time. I had already anticipated a large class, but I was still surprised by the sheer number of students who were crowding the front rows of the classroom. I rolled my eyes because I was forced to sit at the back, and it certainly did no favors for my poor vision.

Regardless, I was also frustrated because there was a small part of myself which remained curious about this mysterious teacher. I could tell that all the other students were practically gushing with excitement, but I schooled my expression and slumped down in my seat as I pulled out a fresh notebook. What the hell were they expecting? A striptease in the middle of our lecture?

However, the most frustrating part of all was the grand entrance of the elusive teacher who had enraptured most of the population. And I couldn’t be any less impressed with him as I rolled my eyes over his tall, lean form. Yeah, he was pretty to look at, but he certainly wasn’t my type. I sighed as my mind instantly reminded me of an image of Changbin; specifically, a sweaty Changbin who had just finished up in the gym - wearing nothing around his waist except for a towel.

“Good morning, everyone,” Mr Hwang finally spoke, and there was a deeper aspect to his voice that I wasn’t expecting. “My name is Mr. Hwang, and this is our poetry 278 lecture.”

There was a collective sigh over his words, and I held back my laughter at the pathetic way everyone was swooning over him. “Let’s start with introductions,” Mr. Hwang suggested, and I groaned because I loathed ice-breakers. “When I call your name, you can give me your year and intended major.”

God, was this Elementary school?

Nevertheless, I waited for my turn, listening as the other students went above and beyond the call of duty to provide Mr. Hwang with as much unnecessary additional information as they could. “I study political science,” one girl said. “I was the leader of my high school’s debate club, and I won an award at the state convention.”

“Impressive,” Mr. Hwang said, and I briefly entertained the idea of the girl fainting on the spot. “Y/N?”

I glanced up to meet Mr. Hwang’s gaze. “Third year,” I replied. “I just transferred, and I’m studying English.”

“Oh, really?” Mr. Hwang inquired. “Do you have any interest in writing an honor’s thesis?”

I blinked twice at the question because he hadn’t bothered to push anyone else for something more. “I’d like to in the future,” I told him, and I squirmed around uncomfortably in my chair when his gaze lingered for several beats too long.

Thankfully, he quietly moved on, and I was able to relax in my seat once again. The lecture proceeded from there, and I sighed when I realized that we would be talking about Emily Dickinson who I had already studied numerous times in my other classes. But I guess that left me the rare opportunity to doodle nonsensical images on my notebook while thinking about my friends, wondering what Jisung, Chan, and Changbin might be doing at that moment.

In another universe, we could be sharing this class together, and I felt a pang of homesickness for my previous school as I listened to Mr. Hwang’s voice at the back of my head. But after another hour, our class concluded and I breathed a sigh of relief as I packed up my belongings. I wasn’t able to finish my picture of Munchlax, but maybe I could work out the details later on. In the meantime, I hoisted my bag over my shoulder as I tried to fight my way around the crowd of students who were all waiting around Mr. Hwang’s desk.

And I was almost at the exit when his voice suddenly stopped me. “Y/N,” Hyunjin said, and I paused mid-step because I wasn’t expecting to hear him call my name. “Can you stay behind for a moment?”

“Sure,” I said, even as I bristled at the thought of having to wait for those other girls to leave first.

They all insisted that they had so many questions to ask Mr. Hwang, and I was left to stew in the corner while crossing my arms over my chest. I had another class in half an hour, and I couldn’t afford to stand around all day while I waited at the behest of a teacher who had somehow won the affections of every student in this stupid school simply by being the prettiest in the room.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Mr. Hwang said with a bright smile to the last girl who scampered out of the room with a breathless giggle.

Finally, it was just me and Mr. Hwang, and I hesitantly walked over to his desk. “You needed to see me?”

“Yes,” Mr. Hwang said as he looked up at me from his grade-book. “Is there something wrong with the way I teach?” Mr. Hwang asked, and I was surprised to see him pouting at me with his lower lip sticking out.

“Uh, I don’t know what you mean, Mr. Hwang,” I said, adjusting the strap of my bag.

“Well, it didn’t seem like you were too invested in my lecture,” Hyunjin explained.

Oh, great, he caught me daydreaming about Changbin.

“I’m sorry, sir,” I said, searching for an excuse. “I’ve been having a hard time adjusting.”

“Ah, that’s right!” Mr. Hwang nodded. “You transferred here for the new semester.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, and I chanced a step back towards the doorway. “I’ll do better in the future.”

“Well, hold on for just a minute, Y/N,” Mr. Hwang said. “I’m here to help my students when they’re struggling.”

“It’s not really a struggle,” I said, but I held my tongue when he pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled something at the top.

“Here,” he said, holding out the paper for me to take. “It’s my personal phone number,” Mr. Hwang added with a wink.

Personal number? “Oh, thank you, sir,” I offered in return because I wasn’t sure what the appropriate response might be in that situation.

“Call me anytime,” Mr. Hwang insisted, and I couldn’t help but notice the mischievous gleam in his gaze like we were playing some kind of game and I was the one who was losing. “I’ll see you on Thursday.”

One Week Later

Despite my new school’s formidable reputation, I was doing exceedingly well in all of my classes. Most of my instructors were greatly impressed, and a few English teachers had already brought up the prospect of mentoring me for the honor’s thesis. Yet, there was one class that I couldn’t quite get a handle on, and I was shocked to see another giant C- written across the top of my latest essay.

I swallowed hard when Mr. Hwang returned to the front of the room to conclude his lecture. What the hell was I doing wrong? I had even sent this paper to a former TA at my previous school who offered to look at it before I submitted the damn thing.

But instead of feeling disappointed about my failure, I sensed a rising anger directed at the man standing in front of the room. Everyone else around me celebrated their A’s while I was left with a nasty letter grade that would hardly reflect well on my GPA. What could the rest of my classmates be doing differently?

“That’s it for today!” Mr. Hwang announced. “We’ll pick up on this again next time!”

I frowned as I stuffed the essay at the bottom of my bag. It still wasn’t too late to switch out of this stupid class, and then I could finally re-orient my focus. “Y/N!” Mr. Hwang called out when I passed by his desk. “Can I have a moment of your time, dear?”

Dear?! “Sure,” I grumbled, once again waiting for the masses of Mr. Hwang’s admirers to leave the room before I confronted my teacher.

“Well,” Mr. Hwang began with an exaggerated sigh. “What will we do about these poor grades of yours?”

I bristled at the comment because it sounded strangely hostile - perhaps even threatening. “Don’t worry, sir,” I said. “I’m transferring out your class. You don’t have to concern yourself with me.”

I turned my back on Mr. Hwang as I started for the exit. “Don’t be silly, Y/N,” Mr. Hwang said. “I’ve spoken to your other teachers, and they tell me that this a requirement for your major. And I’m the only person who teaches the subject.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I hissed under my breath, but I did my best to retain a neutral expression as I returned to his desk. “What’s the problem, sir?” I asked. “I had the last essay peer-checked by a former instructor.”

“Our grading standards are much higher, Y/N,” Mr. Hwang informed me haughtily. “I think the real issue is your attitude.”

“My attitude?” I repeated - completely dumbfounded by the accusation.

“You don’t really show any engagement with the material,” Mr. Hwang elaborated. “You always come to class, but I can tell that your attention is elsewhere. And you don’t even bother to come to my office hours to talk about the topics we cover.”

“I didn’t realize, sir,” I said, and I was shocked that he considered me disinterested in my studies.

“It’s okay to ask for help, Y/N,” Mr. Hwang explained. “You’re the only student who never stays behind to talk to me.”

Because I have better things to compliment your face! “I have another lecture after this one,” I offered as a response.

“Then it seems to me like I should make an effort to meet you outside of designated hours,” Mr. Hwang said. “I have an apartment off-campus. Maybe you can come over this weekend?”

For a moment, I was completely stunned by his proposal. “I don’t think that’s appropriate, Mr. Hwang,” I said, taking a step back away from him.

“Why not?” Mr. Hwang asked. “It’ll just be me and you.”

“Uh, I don’t know...”

“Oh, Y/N, I have to insist,” Mr. Hwang said, and I watched him open his grade-book. “You won’t even muster a C in this class if you keep going at this rate.”

It seemed preposterous that I could make straight A’s in every other class but still fail this one at the same time. “I’ll think about it,” I said while doing my best to ignore his pleased smile.

It was late that night when my phone lit up with an incoming notification. I groaned in response because I wasn’t expecting anything from the boys, but then again, maybe Changbin needed fresh jerk-off material, and I could always send him a picture of my tits. But I was surprised to realize that I was wrong on all accounts, and my heart started beating faster when I read the message:

From Unknown:

Y/N, it’s Hyunjin from your poetry class.

Hyunjin? Oh, right, that was Mr. Hwang’s first name.

To Unknown:

Me: How did you get this number?

From Unknown:

H: The student profiles.

“It’s still an invasion of my privacy,” I grumbled.

H: We can be very casual with one another outside of class. Wouldn’t you agree?

I narrowed my eyes at the informal suggestion.

To Unknown:

Me: If that’s okay with you, sir.

I waited for several moments, but it seemed like Mr. Hwang was finally done texting me. I shrugged at the unusual conversation, but before I could place my phone back on my nightstand, it vibrated with another incoming message. This one had a picture attached....

“Holy shit!” I gasped, dropping my phone onto the bed as my heart started to thud violently inside my chest.

From Unknown:

H: Do you like it, princess?

“Is he crazy?” I decried, and my hands were trembling when I brought my phone screen closer. Because the attachment contained a very obscene picture of a dick, and I didn’t need more than two guesses to assume that it was Mr. Hwang’s.

My fingers were shaking as I stared at the image - zooming in closer to observe the delicate bead of precum glistening at the tip. There was also a hand wrapped around the base, and even though I didn’t have much experience with sex, I could still acknowledge that it was a very nice cock. But did I really just get a dick pic from my poetry teacher?

To Unknown:

Me: I’m not sure what you expect me to say.

I sent the message before attempting to fan my flushed skin - feeling overheated because this was not what I had been expecting when Mr. Hwang sent me the first message.

From Unknown:

H: It’s alright, princess. I’m not much for talking either. Why don’t you come over this weekend so you can show me your reaction instead?

Oh, god, I was definitely teetering on the precipice of very dangerous ground. I’m talking the same kind of inappropriate that could get him fired and me expelled. What the hell was he even thinking? Was Mr. Hwang trying to hit on me?!!

I shook my head because it was suddenly very difficult to concentrate, but I was also feeling the vestiges of panic creeping around the edges of my vision. My hands could barely hold the screen long enough for me to type out a quick response:

To Unknown:

Me: Maybe some other time.

The next morning, I was still shaken from my unexpected text conversation with Mr. Hwang. For most of the night, I simply stared at the ceiling while my phone continued to vibrate with incoming messages. Eventually, I was forced to mute his number, and I still couldn’t fall asleep.

I was barely functional the next morning, but I was also strangely horny, which is why I didn’t hesitate to encourage Changbin when he sent me a message asking if he could come visit. I waited and chose a time when my roommate would be gone - sighing in relief when I heard him knocking on the door. I threw it open quickly, and he was clearly caught off-guard by my eagerness. “I’m so glad to see you,” I said, and I didn’t hesitate to lock my lips with his, kissing Changbin with all the nervous energy that I had tried to keep to myself all weekend.

“Wow,” Changbin managed when we both pulled apart for air. “The no dick policy at this shithole has fucked you up.”

“Yeah? I need you to fuck me, Changbin,” I said, and he must’ve saw something in my eyes that changed his mind.

He pushed us both into my room, turning around to lock the door before reaching down for the hem of his t-shirt. “Bend over for me, baby,” he said, and his voice was husky as I took off my clothes and braced myself against the desk.

“I really need this,” I told him from over my shoulder - shameless as I explored every inch of his toned form.

“I got you, baby,” Changbin said, and he moved behind me to spread my legs, taking a few moments to finger me with his long digits, stretching out my opening while stimulating my clitoris with his thumb. “You definitely need to be fucked,” Changbin remarked. “Your pussy is so tight.”

“Please,” I whispered, and Changbin was quick to replace his fingers with the same cock that I often drooled over when I masturbated late at night. He set an urgent pace from the start, grabbing my hips between his hands to hold me in place as he filled me with his cock over and over again. “Changbin,” I whined, burying my face in my forearms and trying to ignore the pain in my stomach from where he knocked me into the wood on every thrust.

It wasn’t equivocal to one of our more passionate rounds of lovemaking, but it was everything that I needed. Enough to wipe all consideration of Hwang Hyunjin clear out of my head as I enjoyed the delightful friction of Changbin’s cock rolling against the constricting walls of my cunt. “It feels so good,” I whispered, and I closed my eyes in pleasure.

“Tell me when you’re close,” Changbin said. “I wouldn’t want your roommate to come back.”

However, the inherent risk of being caught by my roommate was also a factor in my rapid ascent to orgasm. “Coming!” I shouted while feeling myself unravel around his cock as he rammed himself inside.

Thereafter, I settled on top of my bed while Changbin tied off his condom and tossed it into the trash. I smiled when he crawled in next to me, reaching for his jeans hanging from the edge and pulling out a package of cigarettes. “Open the window,” I instructed him. “I can’t have you polluting my room.”

Changbin chuckled, but obeyed nonetheless. He also drug the ashtray on the windowsill closer before lighting the cigarette and bringing it to his swollen lips for a long inhale. “I really missed you, Y/N,” Changbin said, taking another drag from his cigarette before placing it in the ash tray next to the open window.

“I missed you too,” I told him, closing my eyes for a moment as I relaxed against the pillows - savoring the warmth of Changbin from next to me.

“I had a nice time with you,” Changbin added. “Maybe we could...try dating again?”

I froze at the words I had been dreading to hear. You see, Changbin and I had been dating off-and-on for many years at this point, and we both knew that we didn’t work well as a couple. Yet, that never stopped him from encouraging us to try again, and as much as I loved the sex, I couldn’t tolerate the complicated feelings involved.

“I don’t think so, Changbin,” I said, wincing when I heard him sigh. “You know that never ends well for us.”

“Yeah,” Changbin agreed, although it hurt my heart to see him look so sad. “I can’t help it, Y/N.”

“We can still keep doing this,” I said, reaching over to place a tender kiss on his bicep.

“Maybe,” Changbin agreed, but something in his tone told me that this might be the last time I ever enjoyed Changbin’s company in bed.

“Could I at least show you around campus?” I asked him. “I’ll even treat you to lunch?”

Thankfully, Changbin managed a smile at my offer.

By the time Changbin had left campus, I was feeling strangely alone when I settled at a cafe in the student union to work on some homework. I couldn’t help but feel like I had disappointed Changbin, and I prayed to anyone who was listening that we might still be friends. Because we had been close well before the sexting and late-night phone conversations that always ended up with an orgasm or two.

Changbin was the epitome of the type of guy I usually lusted after: strong, handsome, and intimidating. But we always argued too much whenever we tried the whole couple thing, and that was enough to ruin any preconceived notions I held about a relationship with the object of my most intimate fantasies. “You always manage to ruin everything, Y/N,” I muttered to myself, and it was suddenly way too difficult to focus on homework.

But I was still distracted enough that I almost failed to recognize the man who had just walked into the cafe...until he was standing right next to my table. “I always enjoy seeing my students outside of our lectures,” Mr. Hwang said with a smirk. “Do you mind if I join you?”

It took me a while to respond to his simple inquiry because my mind instantly returned to the picture of his cock that still sat in my messages. “Sure,” I eventually mustered, willing my stomach to settle down while ignoring the harsh smell of his cologne.

“Is that my assignment you’re working on?” Mr. Hwang inquired as he took another sip of his coffee.

Is he just going to pretend like everything is okay? “Yeah,” I said, sliding my laptop screen closer. “For the author essay.”

“Do you mind if I take a look?” Mr. Hwang asked, and I shivered at the dark look in his gaze.

“I guess so,” I said, and I passed off my computer screen, observing the way he read over the words before sighing.

“You just don’t seem to understand, Y/N,” Mr. Hwang said, and I could feel myself almost snapping.

“What don’t I understand, Mr. Hwang?” I asked with barely constrained frustration.

“Oh, please call me Hyunjin,” he replied. “Mr. Hwang makes me sound so old.”

“Fine,” I huffed. “But the essay?”

“It lacks passion,” Mr. Hwang explained. “Your writing is decent, but it’s very by the books, you know? I’m looking for my students to play around with their words and have fun! We read enough academia as it stands.”

“Passion?” I repeated. “And how do you suggest that I learn passion?”

Mr. Hwang smiled, and I felt like I had just walked right into a trap. “You’re a very young and attractive woman, Y/N,” he said. “Have you ever been in a relationship before?”

“Several,” I said, keeping my responses short and vague on purpose. Because i couldn’t figure out where he was going with this strange conversation.

“Several?” Mr. Hwang repeated. “Well, that’s a shame then.”

“What do you mean?”

“The sex must be very boring,” Mr. Hwang said. “If you’re still writing this way.”

I didn’t even bother trying to stop my mouth from falling open. “I really don’t think it’s any of your business!”

“I have to make it my business when your grades are this atrocious,” Mr. Hwang insisted, and his eyes rolled over my form. “I find myself quite attracted to you, Y/N. Perhaps I can help solve this little dilemma of yours.”

Fuck it! I thought to myself as I leaned in closer - ready to risk it all because I wouldn’t tolerate his attitude for another moment! “To tell you the truth, Mr. Hwang,” I said, feeling triumphant when his eyes flashed in annoyance at my blatant dismissal of his earlier request. “You’re just not my type.”

“And what is your type?” Mr. Hwang snapped. “Certainly not that little jock you were walking around with on campus?”

“Changbin?” I said without really thinking, but then I found myself wondering how he even knew about that in the first place. “How did you know?”

“I saw the two of you,” Mr. Hwang said like it wasn’t a big deal. “I couldn’t help but notice, Y/N, and that poor boy was following you around like a lost puppy.”

“This is crossing a line,” I said, slamming my laptop closed. “I can see anyone I want.”

“You’re not interested in doing better?” Mr. Hwang asked. “Trust me, Y/N. I was there once, and most college boys like him are only interested in sticking their dicks into something warm. I think you need someone mature who isn’t only interested in their own satisfaction.”

“Changbin’s sweet to me,” I insisted, and Mr. Hwang scoffed.

“I bet he is, especially if you’re always willing to spread your legs for him.”

“Like you could do any better!”

“Wouldn’t you like to find out?”

I fell back into my seat as I slowly processed his words. “Sir, I-”

“You can’t possibly know if I’m your type, Y/N,” Mr. Hwang continued. “I think I deserve a fair chance to prove you wrong.”

I could scarcely believe how casual he was acting - like this wasn’t completely against thousands of school rules. It was entirely scandalous, and there were so many inherent risks if we were to ever get caught....but, yet, somewhere deep down inside of me, I felt the familiar heat of arousal.

“You’re thinking about it.” Mr. Hwang smiled. “Come over this Friday, Y/N, and I’ll show you what a real man looks like.”

I had never been this nervous before in my entire life, wiping my sweaty palms against my jeans as I walked up to Hyunjin’s apartment. There was a far more rational part of myself that was screaming at me to run in the opposite direction, but the incessant desire to knock on the door far outweighed the consequences. And my breath hitched in my throat when I saw him standing in the doorway dressed to the nines in tight skinny jeans and a white, button-up shirt while I looked like I had just woken up,

“There you are,” Hyunjin said with a sultry tone, and he reached for my hand to pull me inside. “Sit down for a moment,” he encouraged me, smirking at the look on my face as I took in his lavishly decorated apartment. Still, I managed to obey him as I sat down on the leather futon in the center of the room.

“Your apartment is nice,” I commented, and I held my breath when Hyunjin sat down next to me - stretching out his long legs while he studied me with an impenetrable gaze.

“I have a few rules tonight, Y/N,” he said, and I forced myself to nod. “Are you aware of the color-light system?”

“Color-light system?” I repeated.

“How adorable,” Hyunjin said with a mocking tone. “You’ve made it seem like you know your way around a cock, but you’re clearly more innocent than I assumed.”

My eyes widened at his filthy language. “Sir?”

“That’s a good start,” Hyunjin said. “You will refer to me as sir tonight, do you understand?”

“Yes, sir,” I said, and Hyunjin smiled at my easy compliance.

“As for the color system,” Hyunjin said. “I want to make sure that you’re comfortable, Y/N. Green means that you can handle whatever we’re doing, yellow means that I need to slow down, and red implies that we’ll stop completely. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good,” Hyunjin purred. “Would you feel more at ease in the bedroom?”

I offered him a timid nod, and Hyunjin held out his hand which I accepted - hoping that he wouldn’t notice the evidence of my nerves. But I was half-way expecting something truly horrible, which meant that I was also genuinely surprised to discover a normal bedroom - sparsely furnished with a king-sized bed with a beautiful silk comforter. “Why don’t you take your clothes off for me, princess?” Hyunjin asked, and I shivered at the familiar pet name. “Lay down on the bed, and I’ll grab a few things before we start.”

I waited until Hyunjin turned his back to me before undressing and leaving my clothes in a neat pile on a nearby chair. Then, I hesitantly lowered my body onto the mattress while resisting the urge to cover myself. Especially when Hyunjin returned with a bundle of interesting items, placing them aside while he looked me over from head to toe. “Oh, princess,” he said. “What a beautiful body.”

I could feel myself flushing at his words and Hyunjin laughed. “Where’s that feisty attitude from before, princess? Or was it all for show?”

“Mr. Hwang-”

“Sir,” he quickly corrected me, and I stiffened when he presented a bright red blindfold. “We’ll put this on first,” Hyunjin said, and he ordered me to sit up long enough for him to secure the tie in the back - taking away my sight and leaving me anxious for his next move. “This will make everything feel so much better,” he said, and I jumped when his fingers started to trail down the smooth skin of my stomach. “Oh, you must be very sensitive,” Hyunjin remarked, and I didn't quite know what to do with my hands when he parted the delicate folds of my pussy. “Y/N, are you already wet?” he asked, and I tried to hold back a moan when he inserted one finger, moving it around before leaving me feeling empty once again.

“Let’s try this,” Hyunjin said, and I gasped when I heard the familiar sounds of a vibrator. “You’ve probably used this plenty of times,” Hyunjin continued. “When you had to finish yourself off after those little boys tried to please you.”

He started with my nipples - moving in small circles around the hardened peaks. It wasn’t anything overwhelming, and I enjoyed the pleasant sensation. However, the soothing action didn’t last for long, and I gripped the silken sheets between my fingers, spreading my legs wider on instinct when Hyunjin trailed the vibrations down to my sensitive pussy lips. “Oh, shit,” I said, nearly exploding when the vibrator made contact with my clitoris. Especially when he increased the power - turning the damn thing up to its highest setting as he held it there in the same spot.

I was gone before it had even started, convulsing around nothing as I came hard against the sheets. And I fully expected him to stop since he had gotten his way, but Hyunjin only surprised me when he continued to move the vibrator against my throbbing clit, refusing to relinquish the stimulating vibrations as everything started to burn with the threat of yet another orgasm slowly building.

“Fuck, you’re leaking everywhere,” Hyunjin said, but there was only awe in his tone, and I could practically feel the weight of his gaze. “Such a good girl,” Hyunjin added, and he started moving the vibrator in faster circles while he refused to take it away from my poor, aching sex.

I moaned around my second orgasm - coming hard again, but there was also an undeniable sensitivity that had me trying to escape the cursed vibrator, but Hyunjin only used a firm grip on my hips to hold me in place.

“Please stop!” I cried.

“Color,” Hyunjin growled, and he continued to press down even harder.

“Y-yellow,” I stuttered, and the vibrations slowed down to a more acceptable level as Hyunjin circled the head around my clit.

“I want one more from you, Y/N,” he said. “Then, I think you might be ready for my cock.”

I almost fell apart at his words, and I found myself unable to deny that everything was so good with him. There was also a strange and foreign part of me that desperately wanted to please him, and I started rolling my hips in time with his circles, chasing another high as I nearly screamed from the intensity. “Look at you,” Hyunjin sneered when he turned off the vibrator, and I could feel the bed dip beneath his weight. He snatched away my blindfold, and I blinked rapidly at the returning light before focusing on the obscene image of Hyunjin jerking himself off in front of me. “You have to be honest with me, princess,” he growled. “Is my cock better than his?”

“S-sir?” I questioned, having trouble focusing because of the thick haze surrounding my frazzled brain.

“That little prick you were with,” Hyunjin said. “Is his cock better than mine?”

I was smart enough to know the right answer, and I shook my head from side to side. “Your cock is better, sir,” I said, and Hyunjin brightened with a grin.

“It’s big, isn’t it?” Hyunjin asked, and he was shuffling over me with a sardonic grin. “Why don’t you touch it?”

I swallowed hard, but quickly acquiesced, wrapping my hand around his impressive girth before allowing myself to give him several strokes - making sure to give some attention to the head. “Oh,” Hyunjin moaned, looking down at me with sultry eyes. “That feels good, princess, but would you rather have my cock somewhere else?”

I whimpered at his words. “Yes, sir.”

“Tell me where,” Hyunjin demanded. “I want to know exactly what you want me to do, princess.”

“I want your cock in my pussy,” I said. “I need you to fuck me, sir.”

“Shit,” Hyunjin snarled, and he moved my legs apart to expose my cunt. “How can I possibly say no when you asked me so nicely?”

But I was a complete mess at this point - debauched and overcome with pleasure. Yet, when I felt the tip of Hyunjin’s cock penetrate my weeping sex, I could already feel myself growing excited all over again. He wasn’t gentle either - spearing me with one harsh plunge of his erection against the resisting walls of my pussy.

“Oh, fuck,” Hyunjin said. “Are you sure you’re not a virgin, princess?”

There were tears in my eyes when I reached out for his shoulders, holding on for dear life as he started moving himself around inside of me. Pulling back to leave just the tip of his cock at my entrance, before thrusting forward with unrelenting strength. In spite of his skinnier stature, Hyunjin wasn’t to be underestimated. He knew exactly how to use his hips, and he continued to breach my constricting cunt with everything that he had.

“You’re taking me so well, princess,” he said, forcing my legs even further apart, and finding a better angle to attack the delicate g-spot that rapidly sent me hurtling for my fourth orgasm of the night.

I was completely spent, barely holding on to consciousness while Hyunjin finally came with a hoarse cry of my name - dragging his cock in and out of my pussy as he milked himself for every last bit of cum. Then, he pulled himself out with a far more gentle touch, leaning down for the first time that night to connect our lips in a surprisingly warm kiss.

“Is that what you were expecting, Y/N?” he asked with a playful smile. “Am I still not your type?”

I shook my head because words were the last thing on my mind. But Hyunjin simply chuckled at my speechless state, and I watched him move around the room completely naked as he cleaned up the mess we had made. Meanwhile, I held up my hands to make sure that my vision had returned to normal.

Eventually, Hyunjin settled back down behind me, and I was somewhat surprised that he hadn’t kicked me out of his apartment. Even more so when he started to run his fingers down my waist. “I think you finally learned passion, Y/N,” he said, and I couldn’t help but agree with him.

“Can I start writing acceptable essays?” I asked him with a more confident tone.

“Of course,” he agreed. “But Y/N,” Hyunjin added, and I groaned when he cupped the heat between my legs. “You better call me Hyunjin from now on.”

“Yes, sir,” I said, grinning when I heard him growl in warning.

“You’re asking for it, aren’t you?”

I gave him a coy smile in return, watching as he rolled over top of me to spread my thighs again.

The next day in class, I smiled when I saw an A+ written at the top of my latest essay assignment. One that I had stayed up late to complete while sitting at Hyunjin’s desk with his cock buried inside my wet heat. Apparently, my first lesson was complete, but I couldn’t help but think that there was still a lot more left to learn.

“Everyone did well,” Hyunjin said as he paced at the front of the room. “I’ll see you all again soon.”

The dismissal was met with the beginnings of several conversations throughout the lecture room, and I simply organized my things before tossing my bag over my shoulder. Yet, on the way out the door, I couldn’t help but smile when I heard Hyunjin’s voice from behind me. “Y/N?” Hyunjin called out, and I could already feel the arousal gathering between my legs. “Why don’t you stay after class?”

#stayverse #skzsmutnetwork #skzwriternet #stray kids fanfic #skz fanfic #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #stray kids oneshot #skz oneshots #stray kids scenarios #skz scenarios #skz hyunjin #skz hyunjin fanfic #stray kids hyunjin fanfic #hwang hyunjin fanfic #hyunjin fanfic #hyunjin smut #hyunjin x y/n #mostlycompetent

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moonscriptsx · 4 years

Text

Misguided (M)

SUMMARY: After a run in with one of Johnny's fellow frat brothers, you had thought he had just been after one thing. But when, not only Johnny himself, but with the help of your friends, they helped you realize that you had made some very misguided judgments. // “What tastes better than it smells?” [PART OF THIS COLLAB]

GENRE/WARNINGS: College!AU, Fraternity!AU; A smidge of angst with a dash of Johnny being a soft (slight) dom, and Yuta drunkenly saying shit he shouldn’t.

WORDS: 14.5k.

A/N: Part of @versigny‘s collab!

Sweaty bodies pressed up against one another crowded the middle of the room, the stench of alcohol and smoke filling the air as drunken party goers drank away the last of their freedom. It was the mark of the beginning of the semester, the party that let the usually stressed out college students have one last hurrah before they were subjected to the torment of piles upon piles of homework and countless essays that kept them up at night. It was the end of summer, the subsequent end of one’s free will to party all day and night -- and what better what to end it than to have said party thrown by the most notorious fraternity on campus.

The NKT house was more than luxurious, it was a place made for someone akin to royalty -- and those who resided within it were nothing short of that. Always dressed in their most expensive and lavish clothing, foreign cars and opulent toys lined along their driveway, it was no wonder why the fraternity had always opted to throw the best parties. They were the best of the best, the so called ‘big dogs’ on campus, and everyone either knew them personally or at least of them.

While you had joined in on your fair share of parties throughout the year, the first big event of the year was never one of them. Between having just moved back into your dorm room and getting yourself situated for the first semester, you wanted to have your last night of freedom spent in solitude and peace, the calm before the storm. Well -- that and you would rather not show up to the first day of classes completely hungover and hating yourself for the mistakes from the night before. You would usually lay out everything you needed for the first day; books, pens, highlighters, etc. You were prepared and ready for the shitstorm ready to come along with the endless lists of syllabuses and swarm of homework.

But not tonight.

By the grace of god (or, rather Hana, your best friend and roommate), you reluctantly found yourself at the notorious NKT house for the first official party of the year. Hana had disappeared the moment the two of you had arrived, the girl muttering something about how she had to go find someone to spend the night with. You, on the other hand, had wandered aimlessly around the fraternity, scoping over the different sets of party goers that occupied the large, luxurious home. Between the different couples that were attached to one another in the corners of the room to the strangers pressing up against one another in the middle of the dance floor, you were completely over the atmosphere within the first five minutes -- which is how you ended up laying on one of the pool chairs out in the backyard, your face turned up towards the sky as you heaved a heavy sigh.

Although you had promised Hana that you would, at least, try to have a good time tonight, you weren’t exactly in the party mood. When it came to you actually joining them, it was when you were in the most crucial state; the ready to rip your hair out, tearing your essays to shreds, drinking all night until you forget about your responsibilities kind of state.

Shifting your gaze from the sky to the clear blue of the pool, your fingers twisted idly in your lap as you leaned back against the lounge chair, so completely lost in your thoughts that you hadn’t even realized someone had plopped down next to you until a deep voice filled your ears.

“Having fun?”

Your gaze lands on a smiling face of - quite possibly - one of the most handsome guys you’d ever laid eyes on. His hair is parted to the side, deep chestnut locks spilling over one side of his face. His eyes hold a curious but warm gaze, the inviting smile making him appear friendly instantly. There’s a beer bottle grasped in his right hand, and from where you’re sitting you can notice it half empty. Clearing your throat you sit up slightly in the chair, your body turning in his direction as you offer him a polite smile and a half hearted shrug.

“Eh, I guess,” you replied. The boy raised an eyebrow at your words, the smile never leaving his face as he tilts his head slightly.

“You guess?” He chuckled.

“I mean -- I’m not particularly in the partying mood tonight,” you clarified. “Usually I stay back from parties the night before my first class but my roommate talked me into coming tonight.”

The boy nodded in acknowledgement, a quiet ‘ah’ escaping him as he took a sip from his beer.

“That makes sense,” he mused quietly. “However I am glad that your roommate succeeded in talking you into coming.”

You raised an eyebrow at that, your gaze turning curious as you cast a glance towards the boy whose smile slid into a playful grin.

“Why is that?”

He took another sip of his drink before he replied.

“I never would’ve gotten to meet a beautiful girl like you if you hadn’t.”

Your breath hitched at that. While it was beyond predictable and cheesy, hearing it come from the boy undoubtedly made your heart race wildly. A flush of heat makes its way onto your cheeks and you have to tear your gaze away from him as you shyly tuck a piece of hair behind your ear, a string of curses flowing through your mind as you tried to keep your cool. The boy next to you must’ve taken your silence as a bad thing though, his grin immediately faltering as he drew back slightly.

“I’m sorry, that was too forward --”

“No, you’re fine!” You had cut him off, too quickly for your liking, and you clear your throat as you tried to play it off. “I just wasn’t expecting you to say that.”

“I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable or anything --”

“You didn’t, don’t worry,” you reassured him. “Thank you, though. You’re sweet.”

That seemed to settle him, the warm smile returning to his face as he sits up on the chair before he held his hand out towards you.

“I’m Johnny.”

You gently took his hand, cursing yourself silently when you almost yelped at the warmth of his touch.

“(Y/N).”

Johnny grinned, his thumb gently stroking against the back of your hand before he pulled back.

“Beautiful name for a beautiful girl.”

Biting the inside of your cheek, you looked away from him again as another rush of heat brushed against your cheeks, your gaze settling on the calm splashing of the water in the pool. A comfortable silence washed over the two of you then and you wondered how you had never seen him around campus before -- a face like that was one you definitely would remember coming across at least once or twice in passing.

He seemed different, too.

Most guys you met at parties were almost too drunk to even speak, their bodies waddling and stumbling over their own two feet as they crashed into you. The drunken pick up lines and - what they thought to be - smooth moves were nothing short of obnoxious. Not to mention they had always seemed to be more than touchy which was disgusting and uncomfortable all in itself. But Johnny… He had this sense of serenity around him, an innocence almost, and you couldn’t help but feel comfortable with him despite only knowing him for mere minutes. It was odd, to say the least, but it felt… Nice.

Casting a glance towards him, you bit your lip as you tried to settle the butterflies within your stomach, one leg crossing over the other as you leaned back comfortably in the chair.

“So what’s your major?” You asked, trying to play it cool.

“English Literature,” he replied, making your eyes widen.

“Really?”

Johnny chuckled.

“Yeah,” he affirmed. “Is that weird?”

“No!” You shook your head, excitement bubbling up within you now. “I’m actually majoring in the same thing.”

Johnny sat up at that, a large grin dancing across his lips as he looked at you.

“English Literature with Mr. Kim? Tomorrow at 9:30?” You nodded, making Johnny’s grin even wider -- if that was possible. “Looks like we’ll be seeing a lot of each other then.”

You can’t help but match his grin then, your legs folding underneath you as you turned your body to face him completely.

“Who are some of your favorite writers?”

Johnny pursed his lips in thought, his fingers drumming idly on his knees as he wracked his brain.

“Well me, personally, I’m more into poetry than novels --”

“Seriously?” You cut him off, eyes widening. “I’m the same way.”

Johnny shook his head in mock disbelief, hands folding in his lap as he leaned back against the chair.

“Wow,” he grinned. “Who would’ve guessed that you and I would not only have the same major but also the same interests.”

You laughed quietly, nodding along to his words.

“Maybe it’s just one big coincidence?” You guessed, making Johnny smirk.

“That could be a reason,” he agreed. “Or maybe it’s fate.”

Your breath hitched at that, your body growing rigid at his words, and Johnny stared at you for a moment before he burst into laughter.

“Sorry,” he apologized. “That was too much.”

You masked your racing heart with a quiet laugh, your gaze shifting towards the ground as you try to settle down. If you weren’t intrigued by him earlier you sure as hell were now. How was it even possible that someone who you had just met already seems like you had known them for years. Johnny’s aura was remarkable; he was confident yet humble, outgoing yet shy. He was friendly, warm, and he just about knew every damn button to press to make your heart feel as if it’s going to beat out of your damned chest -- and yet you loved every minute of it.

Johnny pulled your attention back as he spoke again.

“And to answer your question from earlier,” he began. “My favorite writer is Edgar Allan Poe.”

Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise, a hum of appreciation quietly escaping you as you give a nod of approval.

“‘Quoth the Raven ‘Nevermore’, huh?” You playfully joked, making Johnny laugh.

“That’s the one everyone knows, right?” He chuckled. “I mean, don’t get me wrong it is a good poem, but I prefer some of his other writings. The Black Cat, The Power of Words, not to mention some of the sonnets he’s written. It was intriguing to me, honestly, the way he could have such dark and mysterious themes on one page and then do a completely different theme such as love on another. It’s beautiful, in my opinion.”

“I completely understand. After all, he’s one of the greatest writers.”

“Oh most definitely,” Johnny agreed. “What about you, though? Who’s your favorite?”

You watched as Johnny took the last swig of his beer before you finally answered.

“I’m a very big fan of Emily Dickinson but my all time favorite has to be Shakespeare.”

Johnny’s eyes widened at that, jaw slacked in surprise.

“Woah, really?” He asked. “Everyone I usually talk to always complains about having to read Shakespeare’s works.”

“That’s because they only have to read his plays to dissect what they mean in class. I’m willing to bet that if they had read his poems and sonnets on their own, they would’ve loved him. The man had a way with words.”

Johnny nodded in agreement.

“That’s for damn sure.”

Your gaze fell back onto the rippling water of the pool as another wave silence washes over the two of you, a small smile gracing your lips. You’re completely oblivious to the stare Johnny is giving you, the boy nervously chewing on his lip as his gaze wracked over you. He’s twiddling his thumb anxiously, and he’s opening his mouth to say something when a drunken yell of his name echoes throughout the air.

“Ayo, Johnny!”

Both yours and Johnny’s gaze falls on a boy stumbling out of the frat house, a red solo cup in his hands as he waddles towards the two of you. A large grin is plastered over the stranger’s lips and he all but drapes himself over Johnny when he reaches him. Johnny can’t help but let out an exasperated sigh, the boy’s arm slinging over the stranger’s shoulders as he stands up from the chair to help his friend stand properly.

“Where have you been, man?!” The unnamed boy slurred, eyes drunkenly glazed over. “I’ve been looking all over the place for you-- oh, hello.”

The stranger’s eyes finally settled on you, a sly smirk gracing his plump lips, and he’s leaning coolly against Johnny as his eyes rake along your body. You shift uncomfortably underneath the stranger’s gaze and Johnny takes notice, the boy gently tugging the drunkard towards the house.

“Come on, Yuta. Let’s get you some water --”

“Oh shit, was I interrupting?” Yuta hiccuped as he finished speaking, a drunken laugh escaping him as he nudges Johnny’s shoulder. “Glad you’re finally taking my advice and getting some ass, man! Good on ‘ya!”

Your heart dropped at his words.

Of course -- of fucking course you would fall for the charms of a sweet talker. Of course you would believe that he thought you were beautiful, that he was different from the rest of the guys that tend to hit on you.

Anger flared up inside of you within that moment, your jaw clenching tight, and you unfolded your legs from the chair and stood up, arms wrapping around your middle when a brisk breeze blew past you.

“I should get going,” you said curtly, making Johnny frown.

“Are you sure?” He asked. “I can walk you out --”

“It’s okay, Johnny. I’ve got to find my roommate anyways. Besides,” you paused, shooting a glance towards Yuta. “It’s obvious you’ve got more important things on your hands.”

Grabbing your phone off the edge of the chair you turn to walk away when Johnny called out from behind you.

“I’ll see you in class then?”

Shit, you forgot about that.

Sending him a curt smile over your shoulder you nodded.

“Sure.”

And with that, you walked back towards the house.

The crisp morning air is a brisk reminder of the start of the semester, the student body all but dragging themselves across the campus of the school in order to get to their first class of the day. You were willing to bet that the majority of them were either still drunk or completely hungover from the night before, a soft chuckle escaping you as you catch sight of Hana lulling herself next to you.

“I feel like death,” she moaned, rubbing her eyes while you shook your head at her.

“You did that to yourself, Han,” you laughed. “That’s what happens when you drink too much.”

Hana pouted, her arms crossing over her chest as she mumbled incoherently at first before retorting a response.

“At least I had fun,” she muttered. “Where the hell did you disappear off to last night?”

Your lips pressed into a thin line at her question, the events from the night before replaying in your head like a broken record.

Johnny’s face is etched into your mind; the charming smile, sharp facial features, his chestnut hair. His flirtatious words still repeating over and over and you can’t stop the butterflies from erupting within the pit of your stomach as a wave of heat cascades over your cheeks. But then Yuta’s words strike an unwanted chord within you and the butterflies cease immediately, a scowl crossing your lips as you shook your head.

“Nowhere,” you lied. “Anyways, I’ve got to get to class. Meet up with you later for lunch?”

After bidding Hana goodbye you made your way towards your first class of the day, English Literature.

Your mind was overflowing with unwanted thoughts and feelings as you aimlessly walked towards the lecture hall, your hand clenching into a fist as you tried to push away the emotions wracking your body. The hall was nearly empty when you arrived, though that might have been because you were fifteen minutes early, and you made a beeline towards the middle of the room, taking a seat that wasn’t so far towards the back nor was it anywhere near the front. Unpacking your bag, you place the books you needed down onto the desk before you’re taking your phone and headphones out and resting back against the chair.

Music flowed through your ears as you pressed play, your fingers idly tapping against the desk to the beat of the song as you aimlessly scrolled through your Instagram feed. Pictures of last night’s party were plastered all over your screen, different groups of people gathered together for a picture of the memorable night. Your eyebrow quirked in interest when a picture of Hana and a guy you hadn’t met before popped up, the caption ‘Pretty sure I’ve met my soulmate’ making you roll your eyes at your friend’s dramaticism as you double tapped the picture to like it. As you scrolled down further, you stopped short when a picture of a familiar chestnut haired boy showed up on your screen.

He was with a group of friends but you could only point out Yuta drunkenly posing by his side while Johnny held up a peace sign near his face. The others were a blur as you stared on at the picture, your finger hovering over the boy’s face as a deep frown crossed your lips.

“Mind if I sit here?”

You nearly jumped out of your skin as your head snapped up to see that the face in the picture had come to life, Johnny smiling in amusement at your shocked expression, his eyebrows raising as you tried to still your now fast-paced heartbeat.

You had half the mind to tell him you were saving the seat for someone else, a blatant lie that he would most likely be able to notice, but your mouth moved faster than your brain could and you found yourself agreeing.

“Suit yourself.”

You watched as Johnny plopped down happily next to you, the bright smile on his face never diminishing as he reached down to grab his books and pen before he straightened back up and turned towards you, your eyes immediately shifting their gaze as you avoided his.

“It sucks you had to leave so early,” he commented. “I wish you could’ve enjoyed the party.”

You feigned disappointment with a shrug of your shoulders.

“I know,” you chuckled without humor. “From the pictures I saw, though, it looked like you all had a lot of fun.”

Johnny’s smile slides into a wide grin as he nodded.

“It was fun,” he affirmed. “But it would’ve been much better if you had been there with me.”

Your lips press together in a thin line and you have to bite your tongue from throwing out a harsh remark when the professor waltzed in. You mentally thanked the angels above for saving you from saying something you shouldn’t as you turn to face the front, your fingers turning to the assigned page of your textbook.

You could feel Johnny’s gaze on you as the professor started his lecture, your mind racing with thoughts upon thoughts as you strained to keep your attention forwards. Your heartbeat pounded loudly in your ears as you shifted your gaze towards your book, your distracted mind not being able to retain any of the text that was written on the page, the words forming one big blur as you squeezed your eyes shut. Rubbing your temples, you try to fight off the oncoming headache when you feel something graze against your arm causing your gaze to fall on a crumpled up piece of paper. You couldn’t help but chuckle lightly, the gesture almost childish as you unfolded the paper.

‘You alright?’

The neatly scrawled words make you sneak a glance towards Johnny who just so happened to be looking at you with concern, his gaze nearly sending a shiver down your spine, and you inhale sharply through your nose before you’re writing back to him.

‘I’m fine,’ you wrote. ‘Just tired.’

Quietly crumpling the paper back up, you stealthily hand it back to him right before your professor turned around.

‘You sure?’

You can feel your headache start to increase and it takes all of your restraint not to groan out in pain as you write back a response.

‘Yes, Johnny, I’m fine.’ You paused momentarily before scribbling something else and handing it back to him. ‘Why do you care, anyways?’

You don’t even look to see what his reaction was to your words as you lay your head in your hands, your fingers massaging your temples as you try to soothe your pounding head.

‘I just wanted to make sure you were alright, (Y/N). Especially after last night -- you kind of dashed out of there pretty fast and I wanted… I wasn’t sure if I had done something to offend you.’

‘No, you didn’t do anything. I’m sorry, I just have a pounding headache and I’m irritable right now.’

‘Don’t apologize for being in pain. Do you need Tylenol? I have some in my bag. I’ve got water too.’

Lifting your head to look at him, you nodded slowly so you didn’t irritate your headache further, and you watched as he quietly leaned down to reach into his bag to grab the bottle before he handed you two pills and a water bottle. Mouthing a ‘Thank you’ towards him, you hurriedly shove the pills in your mouth before downing the water. As you swallowed the medicine, a hand placed itself on the back of your head, long slender fingers gently massaging your scalp and your eyes widened as you looked towards Johnny.

“What are you doing?” You asked him quietly, making him smile sheepishly.

“My mom used to do this for me whenever I got a headache. I don’t know how, but it helps most of the time.”

His fingers gently dug along your tresses, the pressure of his hands somehow causing the headache to diminish slightly, and you don’t even notice that you’re leaning into his touch as you rest your arm on your desk.

The rest of the lecture breezes by -- which you were grateful for.

The professor dismissed everyone with a reminder to make sure everyone has everything they need for the class so they can start the homework before people started making their way out of the room. Gathering your books, you placed them into your bag before you stood up, only you felt yourself collide with a broad chest the moment you had turned to walk out. Johnny’s arms reach out to steady your stumbling form, warm hands wrapping around your waist as you looked at you in concern.

“You alright?” He asked, eyes full of worry. You choked back the lump that had formed out of nervousness in your throat and nodded.

“I’m good, thanks.” Tightening the strap of your bag on your shoulder, you send him a small smile before you try to move past him -- only he still had his arms wrapped around your waist. “Uh --”

“Oh, sorry!” Retreating his arms from around you, Johnny sends you a sheepish smile as he rubs the back of his neck. “See you around?”

You nod, not daring to say anything as you smile back before making your way past him. You don’t get very far, however, because he’s grabbing your wrist and pausing your movements.

“Uh, sorry, I was going to ask you earlier but -- can I have your number?” You quirked an eyebrow at his question. “Y’know -- just in case I miss a class and need the notes or something?”

Your brain was yelling at you to say no, to rip your wrist out of his grip and just walk out. But there’s a warmth in his eyes, his smile friendly, and you’re reminded of the boy you had first met last night. So instead of turning away you’re slipping your phone out of your pocket and handing it over to him so he can input his number. The butterflies from before are back at full force now as your fingers glide against his, electric currents flowing from his palm into yours, and you try to mask the gasp that quietly escaped you from his touch. Your lips are pressed into a tight line as you watch him punch his number in, your eyes trained on the sharp features of his face.

“God, he’s gorgeous...”

Johnny’s head snapped up at that, eyes wide in alarm and it took you only a second to realize that you had voiced your thoughts aloud. Embarrassment floods your body as you come to the realization, your hands instantly grabbing your phone from Johnny’s hands as you quickly say goodbye, your hand covering your face as you incoherently mutter curses to yourself as you walk out of the room, trying to forget what in the fuck just happened.

Hana could tell that you were distracted at lunch, the girl’s glances of curiosity towards you not going unnoticed. You tapped your fingers nervously against the table, eyes shifting towards the door every so often -- almost as if you had been waiting for someone to burst through the door. Your mind was filled with the embarrassing moment that had happened earlier on in the day, heat rushing to your cheeks, and you bury your face in the palm of your hands and inwardly groan. From across the table, Hana lets out a soft chuckle, your friend reaching over to place a hand on yours to gain your attention.

“(Y/N), are you alright?” She asked, amusement laced with concern in her tone. “You’ve been distracted this whole time.”

Peeking at her from in between your fingers, you shake your head.

“I’m so stupid, Han,” you groaned.

Hana’s eyebrow quirked upwards, her head tilting slightly as she gave you a look of confusion.

“Stupid?” She scoffed. “I highly doubt that, (Y/N).”

“I didn’t tell you the whole truth earlier,” you said quietly. “About where I had disappeared to at the party.”

Hana’s eyes widened, her body leaning forward so she could lean on the table.

“You didn’t sleep with anyone did you --”

“No!” You cut her off. “You know I’m not like that.”

Placing a hand over her heart, Hana let out a sigh of relief.

“Okay, good, just checking,” she laughed. “But go on.”

You took a deep breath, trying to collect the racing thoughts within your mind, before you proceeded to tell her everything. From the moment you had walked out to the backyard of the frat house up until you had left, you filled your friend in on all of the details; from the comfort and butterflies that Johnny had given you to the mass of disappointment of Yuta’s words he had blurted out to his friend. The retelling of the events had you on edge, your fingers twisting nervously in your lap as Hana slowly came to the realization as to what had gone down.

“Wait -” she had paused your words, a small smile budding across her lips. “Johnny? As in Johnny Seo?” You nodded, making the girl instantly squeal with excitement. “Oh my god, (Y/N)! He’s gorgeous!”

Your face landed on your palm as you groaned quietly, a muffled ‘I know’ falling from you.

“I accidentally blurted that out this morning too,” you said, embarrassed.

“Wait, you saw him --”

“He’s in my literature class --”

“Oh my god, it’s meant to be!”

Another groan fell from your lips as you shook your head at your friend’s words, frustration building up inside of you as you lifted your head from your hands.

“Or he’s just after another piece of ass,” you muttered. “You heard what Yuta said --”

“Yuta is a Grade A asshole, (Y/N),” Hana retorted. “Just because he’s a player doesn’t mean that his friends are too.”

You sighed, your fingers rubbing at your temples with irritation.

“I just… I don’t know what to trust, Han. I mean -- I’ll admit, we did have a connection --”

“Then what’s the problem?” She asked, making you shift in your seat.

“I’m afraid that I’ll let my guard down and Yuta’s words will come true…”

Hana shot you a look of pity, her face softening as she reached over to grab your hand in understanding.

“You’ll never know if you don’t try, (Y/N). Just give him a chance --”

“Hello, ladies!”

A soft, deep voice rang through the air, a mass of silver locks coming into your vision as the boy enveloped Hana in a hug from behind, the girl instantly beaming widely as she squealed in delight. You would’ve asked who the mysterious guy was when your gaze landed on his friend behind the pair. Your breath caught in your throat as you glance towards the tall boy, your heart speeding up in your chest as you clutched at the table, trying to steady your rapid breathing. He offered you a gentle smile -- that damned smile that seemed to make the palpitations even worse, and it doesn’t help when the boy takes a seat next to you.

“Long time no see,” he greeted. You swallowed thickly, plastering a smile on your face as you nodded towards him.

“Hi, Johnny,” your voice wavered on his name, fingers twisting shyly in your lap as you turned back towards Hana who was completely wrapped up in the boy sat next to her.

Johnny’s body inched closer towards yours, his arm wrapping around the back of the booth and encasing you in as a small smirk danced across his lips.

“I was going to text you earlier to see if you had wanted to join me and my friend for lunch but it seems that I didn’t have to.”

His gaze was intense and you felt your heart speed up at the sight of his face drawing closer towards yours, his lips dangerously close towards your ear. You knew it was just because of the volume of others within the cafe, you knew it was just because he wanted to talk to you. But between the close proximity of him beside you and the soft tickle of his warm breath cascading down the side of your neck, you felt as if the subtle movements were intentional. That the arm around your shoulders and the way his shoulder brushed against yours was something the boy had been planning the moment he sat down.

You swallowed the thick lump of nervousness that had formed in the back of your throat before you shifted slightly away from him, daring to break the contact between the two of you as you leaned against the window.

“Your friend probably had already texted Hana,” you replied coolly, reaching for your cup before taking a sip. “The two of them seem to be pretty cozy.”

Johnny grinned at that, the boy’s eyes landing on the pair across from you completely wrapped up in their own little world.

“Yeah, they do, don’t they?” He nodded. “There’s always been something special between the two of them but none of them have ever been brave enough to admit it -- until now, I suppose.”

You can’t help but smile at that, a small glint of happiness for your friend showing in your gaze. You watched the two of them as they talked, Hana’s gaze never parting from the other boy’s and it seemed as if he couldn’t break his own away from her. They were pressed up comfortably against one another and you watched as the boy gently took her hand in his, their fingers lacing together with ease, making you fight back a small coo at the innocent gesture.

You had been so wrapped up within watching the romance unfold in front of you that you hadn’t even noticed Johnny had moved closer until he’s leaning in towards you, his lips softly pressing against the shell of your ear.

“So you think I’m gorgeous, huh?”

Your head whipped around to him in lightning speed, your eyes widening as your lips pressed in a thin line.

“I didn’t mean --”

“It’s okay,” he smiled, sending you a small smile. “If I’m being honest, I think you’re gorgeous, too.”

Curse those damned butterflies…

You bite the inside of your cheek at his words, your heart beating rapidly in your chest, and you can already feel the doubt begin to swirl within your mind. Yuta’s words replay over and over again, the continuous loop seeming to grab ahold of you and you couldn’t stop the mindless words from flowing from your mouth.

“I bet you say that to all of the girls.”

Johnny drew back from you at that, his face fallen into something that looked akin to hurt, and you instantly regretted not trying to stop the word vomit that had come out. His arm rests besides him now and he folds his hands in his lap as he shook his head.

“What makes you say that?” He asked, and you can’t help but notice the soft tone of hurt within his voice.

“I -- Yuta said --”

“Yuta,” he nodded, his friend’s name dropping out of his mouth like venom. “I knew that was why you had left the party so quickly.”

You looked down at the table, mentally cursing yourself for even opening your mouth in the first place. For the first time since you met him, an uncomfortable silence drifted between the two of you -- and you hated it.

And it appeared that Hana had finally noticed the tension.

“Oh! (Y/N), this is Taeyong,” Hana said happily, breaking your gaze from the table top over towards her, the other boy’s name falling from her lips with a dreamy sigh. “He’s the president of NKT.”

Your eyebrow quirked upwards at that, surprise mulling over you as your gaze fell on the other boy’s face. Right off the bat you noted that he was most certainly one of the most strikingly handsome guy’s you had ever laid eyes on; sharp pointed features that would have been intimidating had it not been for the warm glow of his eyes, the seemingly intimidating boy instantly coming off as soft hearted. You offered him a smile, nodding your head towards him in acknowledgement.

“Nice to meet you,” you greeted, making the boy smile wide.

“Nice to meet you too,” he grinned. “I’ve heard a lot about you so it’s nice to finally put a face to the name.”

You casted a glance towards Hana who smiled sheepishly, her shoulders shrugging as she leaned against Taeyong’s arm.

“What?” She laughed. “Can’t a girl gush about her best friend?”

Shaking your head at her, you grabbed the strap of your bag and slung it over your shoulder.

“As much fun as this is, I should probably get going --”

“What?” Hana cut you off, looking at you with wide eyes. “But they just got here --”

“I wish I could stay, Han, but I have to get back to the dorms. I’ve got a lot of homework that I need to start on --”

“It’s the first day of the first semester --”

“Precisely,” you retorted. “Which is why I should get a head start on everything.”

You could feel three pairs of eyes on you as you maneuvered around Johnny whilst trying to get out of the booth, wanting nothing more than to duck out of there. You kept quiet as you waved goodbye towards the trio before heading out.

Taeyong looked on with a confused expression while Johnny shifted uncomfortably in his seat, Hana watching your figure disappear before her gaze fell on the chestnut haired boy, a perfectly manicured finger gesturing towards the literature major with a pointed gaze.

“We need to talk, Seo.”

If it was up to you, you would’ve stayed in bed instead of coming to class. You would’ve nestled within the confinements of your warm blankets and just binge watched shows on Netflix without a care in the world. After the run in with Johnny you were drained, immediately passing out the moment you had gotten back to your dorm. The conflicting feelings within you had began to take a toll, the inner turmoil creating a war between your heart and your mind. You were at a crossroads -- not knowing which way was right or wrong.

Your feet dragged along the concrete as you made your way towards the university, a cup of coffee resting in your hands as you adjusted your backpack that was slung over your shoulder. Lifting the cup to your lips, you carefully take a sip as you walk inside the building, dreading the long lecture that was to come -- only that wasn’t even the beginning of what you were about to face.

If someone had told you that you would walk into English Literature and would be met with a dozen white lilies settled on your seat, you most likely would have laughed right in their face. But alas, there they were -- splayed perfectly in the bouquet and waiting for you to pick them up. You looked around the room, scanning for anyone that could be linked to the flowers, before you’re carefully picking the bouquet up off of your chair. Gently picking the white card from the flowers, you bring the lilies up to your nose before smelling them, a soft hum of approval escaping you as a smile danced across your lips. Turning the card over, you felt your heart speed up as you scanned over the words that were printed in an elegant script.

‘The lily I condemned for thy hand.’

J.S.

The line had been taken from one of Shakespeare’s sonnets, one that you had most certainly re-read a few times over. You clutched the bouquet tightly in your hands as you continuously read the note again, your heart pounding loudly in your ears as you mindlessly sunk down into your seat.

J.S.

You didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to know who those initials belonged to -- who the giver of the flowers had been from. With a shaky hand you placed the card down onto your desk, your fingers daintily running over the lilies as you admired the flowers. The simple gesture, though it hadn’t been anything spectacular or extravagant, had still managed to set your heart racing. The fact that he had even gone out of his way to do this -- that he took the time out to personally write a card and send you flowers…

“Are they too much?”

Your head snapped in the direction of the deep voice, your gaze settling on a sheepish looking Johnny, the boy rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment as he smiled lightly. You shook your head, still trying to find the right words to say.

“N-- no,” you stuttered out. “I love them, thank you.”

Johnny let out a sigh of relief at that, the boy sliding into the seat next to you as he grinned widely.

“Oh thank god,” he breathed out. “I hope you don’t mind but… I asked Hana what your favorite flowers were and she said lilies so if that’s completely wrong then --”

“They’re my favorite,” you laughed quietly. “And the ones you got me are beautiful, so, thank you -- again.”

“I remembered that you had said Shakespeare was your favorite writer as well,” he said, leaning back against the chair. “And although I’m not the best at deciphering all of the phrases he uses, I figured that I’d might as well go with something that went along with the flowers.”

You felt a wave of heat coat your cheeks as your gaze dropped down to look at the lilies once more, your teeth digging into your bottom lip as you fight back a smile. It was sweet -- too fucking sweet -- and you didn’t have the heart to tell him what the sonnet really meant. The fact that he had done this was enough for you -- even though you hadn’t the slightest clue as to why he had decided to do this in the first place.

Silently you lifted your head, your gaze meeting his, and you offer him a small smile as you maneuver your body so that you’re facing him.

“Can I ask…” You began, swallowing thickly. “What made you do this?”

Johnny inhaled sharply through his nose, his shoulders growing tense as he folded his hands on the desk.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said the other day - or rather, what Yuta had said --” The mention of the other boy’s name made you stiffen, those damned words filling your head again. “Although you may or may not believe me, I want you to know that I’m nothing like him. Yuta can say whatever he wants to me, that doesn’t mean I’m going to go right ahead and follow his every command. I’m my own person, I can make my own judgements.”

Looking down at the floor, you nodded slowly.

“I understand,” you said, meekly. “I’m sorry --”

“No, no, no, don’t apologize!” Johnny stopped you, his eyes wide. “God, I don’t want you to think I’m reprimanding you or anything. I just wanted to let you know that the talk we had the other night was real. What I said - every word - was genuine, and if I have to prove that to you, I will.”

“You don’t have to prove anything --”

“I do,” he affirmed. “Because I know that if the roles were reversed and I was in your shoes, I wouldn’t exactly trust me either.”

Johnny paused for a moment before he leaned in closer towards you, his arm gently brushing yours in a way that emitted goosebumps to appear on your skin, your body fighting back a shiver as he pressed his mouth near your ear.

“But just know that I like you,” he whispered. “And I’ll wait however long you want me to for you. You can take your time, beautiful.”

And with that he leaned back in his seat, his body shifting towards the front of the class just as the professor walked in, leaving you with not only a racing mind but a racing heart as well.

“OH MY GOD!”

Your hands covered your ears in protection from the loud shriek as you winced, glancing around the cafe as curious onlookers gazed in question at the girl across from you. Embarrassment flooded your body and you had half the mind to sink down underneath the table to hide from the prying stares. Taeyong was sat next to the squealing girl with an amused smirk, the boy shaking his head at his girlfriend’s antics whilst Hana was next to him almost beaming with delight, a wide grin on her lips as she clapped excitedly.

“(Y/N) do you know what this means?!”

Uncovering your ears, you send her a glare.

“That I’m most likely going to have hearing damage from you one day?”

“That Johnny likes you!” She squealed. “He likes you!”

Running your palm over your face, you groaned quietly.

“I don’t understand the big deal about it, Han,” you retorted. “We’re twenty one years old, I’m sure we’ve all had crushes on people before --”

“But this is different!” She cut you off. “Johnny has never been like this towards a girl before. He’s not the type to just throw himself out there and flirt with girls. He may not look like it but Johnny is so incredibly shy that the fact that he even approached you is amazing. He’s usually sitting in the corner with his nose buried in a book, he’s really not like the rest of them -- excluding Taeyong, of course. And maybe Mark.”

You stared at her as she spoke, the description of the boy that you had misjudged making you instantly feel regretful for jumping to conclusions so quickly. Taeyong shifts beside her, the boy - who had been silent this whole time - finally speaking up.

“She’s right,” he affirmed. “I’ve known Johnny for almost six years now and I can confirm that he has never been this open to someone new, let alone a girl, this quickly before. Honestly, it’s a bit surprising, but I’m happy for him -- unless you don’t feel the same way --”

“I never said that,” you butt in, making Taeyong smirk. “I never confirmed or denied my feelings. I was just afraid of letting him in and then getting my heart broken because he only wanted one thing… I was wrong, though. So, very wrong.”

Your words dissipated into a whisper as you looked down guiltily at the table, a heavy sigh falling from your lips.

“I feel bad…”

Hana reached across the table at that, her hand gently holding yours as she gave you a look of understanding.

“Nobody is blaming you, (Y/N),” she said. “In fact, we all collectively agreed that if it had been one of us in your place we would’ve reacted the same way --”

“Johnny said that too.”

Taeyong’s eyebrows shot up at that, your words piquing his interest as he leaned forward.

“He did?” He asked, making you nod. “When?”

“Earlier in class,” you bit your lip. “He said he doesn’t mind waiting for me to sort out my feelings because he would’ve been in the same boat as me if it was reversed.”

Taeyong and Hana glanced at each other, knowing looks on both of their faces before they turned back to you.

“NKT is throwing a party on Saturday --”

“Again?”

“Just listen, (Y/N),” Hana glared at you, making you huff and lean back against the chair, your hand gesturing for Taeyong to continue.

“That gives you four days to think things over. If you’re ready to give Johnny a chance, you can find him at the party and tell him how you feel. If not, please… Just - let him down easy. I can’t bear it when one of my friends are hurt.”

Silence falls over the three of you as you mull over Taeyong’s words, different feelings and emotions coursing through your body as you think about your options. Grasping onto Hana’s hand, you slowly nod your head, your gaze lifting to look at the silver haired boy on the opposite side of the table.

“Okay.”

“You’ll think it over?”

“I’ll let you know.”

With his legs propped up on the pool chair, Johnny flipped a page of the book he was reading, his eyes skimming over the words as he read. He was more than content at the moment; a good book in his hands whilst lounging outside next to the pool was always something he did when the stress of college was getting to him. It was only a month and a half into the first semester and he was already swimming up to his neck in papers. One week called for a term paper the next he had to write an essay, and then in two months time he’d have to worry about midterms -- but the small breaks from the stress he endured was kept him at bay.

Well, that and his boys.

Despite being different from his fraternity brothers, Johnny had a special place in his heart for them. The uniquely grouped guys all brought something different to the house; there was a perfect balance of wild and crazy and reserved and quiet within the group. Some had more extreme ways of staying entertained while others - including Johnny - opted to find a peaceful escape. The stark differences in personalities only seemed to make them grow closer each year they lived together; it was almost like a harmony blending together, something which Johnny cherished greatly.

Turning another page of the novel, he had just started reading when the back door of the frat house slid open.

“Oh, Johnny~”

The sing-song voice of Taeyong filled the boy’s ears making Johnny’s gaze lift to watch his friend walk towards him. Plopping down onto the chair next to him, Taeyong made himself comfortable as he slid his sunglasses over his eyes.

“Guess what,” the silver haired boy was grinning from ear to ear as he looked at his friend. Johnny shrugged, not knowing where the conversation was going.

“What?”

Taeyong scoffed.

“You’re supposed to guess, Johnny.”

“Taeyong --”

“Fine, I’ll tell you,” Taeyong’s grin never faltered. “I talked to (Y/N).”

Johnny sat up at that, his eyes wide in alarm as his mouth fell open.

“You did what --”

“Relax,” Taeyong chuckled. “I was with her and Hana and she was talking about you -- well, it was more so Hana telling her that everything she thought about you was completely wrong and that she should never listen to Yuta.”

Johnny groaned, his hand running over his face in embarrassment as he placed his book down onto the chair his feet had been resting on.

“She hates me, doesn’t she?”

“If by hate you mean she’s totally smitten with you then yes, she hates you.”

“Tae --”

“No, listen,” Taeyong cut him off once more. “I gave her a choice; I told her about the party on Saturday. I told her that she has until then to sort out her feelings. If she is willing to set aside everything Yuta said then she’ll be here, if not, oh well. There’s plenty more fish in the sea for you, bro.”

Johnny rolled his eyes.

“Except I don’t want the other fish,” he muttered. “She’s just -- she’s different from the rest, Tae. I only met her a month ago and I already feel like I’ve known her for years. I don’t know how this happened or why but it did -- and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified of it… But I want to get to know her more.”

Taeyong couldn’t help but feel for his friend, the silver haired boy leaning over to give Johnny an encouraging pat on the shoulders as he gave him a reassuring smile.

“Keep the faith, Johnny,” he said. “I have a good feeling about this, and if Hana has anything to do with it, she’ll talk some sense into her.”

“I don’t want her to feel like she’s being forced to admit feelings --”

“Nobody is forcing her,” Taeyong shook his head. “If -- or rather, when -- she shows up on Saturday, it will be on her own free will. I promise.”

Johnny frowned, leaning back onto the chair as his head tilted up towards the sky, gaze focused on the fluffy white clouds passing by as he muttered to himself.

“Let’s hope you’re right, Tae.”

Feelings were something that you normally ran away from. The vulnerability that they brought along with them terrified the shit out of you, the thought of putting your heart on the line for someone only to have them shoot you down wasn’t something that you necessarily wanted to go for.

The fear had stemmed from the constant rejection you had faced in high school, those stupid immature boys only caring for their image of being the so called ‘resident bad boy’ that the rest of the student body had labeled them as. In high school, the relationships weren’t based on actual feelings, it was more of an exploration of some sort. People would test the waters, decide whether one person was what they wanted or not before they moved onto the next. It had been a vicious cycle that you certainly did not want a repeat of.

But then again, college is different. When the high schoolers grow up and finally find what they want in life, they’re achieving that long term goal. Sure, there’s flings and hookups here and there but the majority are ready to settle down and reach that steady relationship. And while you craved that, the fear of rejection still resides within your mind -- which is why it was so hard for you to accept the feelings you had for Johnny.

You hadn’t expected to meet him that night. Hell, you hadn’t expected to really meet anyone that night, you had just gone because Hana had practically begged you to go with her. But the moment Johnny Seo sat down next to you and the two of you had began talking, you were already so deep within your feelings. When you meet someone and there’s that instant click - whether it was having something in common or simply just attraction - that feeling was special. It was rare, it was terrifying, but it was meaningful.

Johnny was intellectual, respectful, and thoughtful. Even with just the passing conversations between the two of you in class you were able to decipher that he wasn’t what you thought he was. The misguided impression you had on him slowly faded out each time the two of you were together. The blind fear was the only thing that had been holding you back from letting your feelings out, and now that both Hana and Taeyong had confirmed that Johnny was nothing like you had thought he was -- you’d accepted them.

You spent the days Taeyong had given you wisely; writing out pros and cons, talking to Hana, and giving yourself little pep talks to try to boost your confidence. By the second day you were sure of what it was that you wanted, and by the time Saturday finally came around, you were going to make sure that the decision you made was clear.

Even if it still terrified you.

To say that you were nervous would be the understatement of the century.

Your hands fiddled with the hem of your skirt for what felt like the thousandth time as you struggled to keep up with Hana’s pace. She had gotten you all dolled up, insisting that she be the one to get you ready for tonight. Butterflies fluttered wildly in the pit of your stomach as the two of walked down the path towards the NKT house, your heart beating loudly in your ears to the bass of the music that boomed from the inside. You could already feel your hands start to clam up as the two of you reached the house, your stomach churning uneasily, and you grabbed Hana’s arm before she could reach the doorknob.

Turning around so she could face you, the girl sent you a worried look.

“What’s wrong?” She asked. “You’re not having second thoughts, are you?”

“No!” You shook your head. “I’m just -- nervous.”

Hana tilted her head to the side in confusion.

“Nervous?” You sighed and ran your hand through your hair.

“I just,” you swallowed thickly, trying to calm yourself down. “What if I waited too long?”

Hana let out a laugh at that, the girl placing her hands on your forearms as she shook you gently.

“(Y/N),” she grinned. “The boy, himself, told you he would wait for you. Johnny has the patience of a turtle in a race.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at that, the nervousness lifting slightly as Hana brought you towards her for a hug of encouragement.

“You’ve got this, girl,” she said, patting your arms gently. “I’m here if you need me, alright?”

And with that, she turned back towards the door before the two of you entered the house.

It was almost like deja vu the moment you had stepped inside of the fraternity, replays of the first party you had attended illuminating the thoughts of your brain as you made your way through the crowded room. Sweaty bodies were pressed flushed against one another and you had to maneuver your way around them as you grabbed Hana’s hand, letting her drag you into another section of the house.

Thick clouds of smoke hit you as you reached the back room, Hana letting go of your hand the moment she had caught sight of Taeyong. You watched as your friend enveloped her arms around her boyfriend, the two of them exchanging a sweet kiss as you fought back a smile at the sight. Tucking a piece of hair behind your ear you make a move to step into the room when you collide into someone, your gaze focusing on - what you deemed as - the human version of Satan himself.

“Hello, gorgeous,” he grinned widely, one that could rival the Cheshire Cat. “I believe I have something to say to you.”

You raised an eyebrow at the boy, your arms crossing over your chest as you took a step back from him, distancing yourself slightly.

“I wanted to apologize for being an ass that night I found you and Johnny outside,” Yuta said, scratching the back of his neck. “I always tease Johnny about girls because he never - and I repeat - never has brought anyone home. What I said… I was just fucking with him. And I wanted to apologize to you in case anything I did or said offended you in any way --”

“It’s alright, Yuta,” you interjected. “I appreciate your apology.”

Yuta’s grin seemed to grow as he playfully reached out to ruffle your hair, a groan emitting from your lips as you fought to fix the mess he had just made. Once you were content, Yuta held out a piece of paper to you.

“This is for you, by the way.”

Winking at you, he sends you one last grin before he walked out of the room, the boy calling after someone as he ran down the hallway. Glancing down at the paper in your hands, you squinted as you tried to read the writing in the dull light.

“What tastes better than it smells?” You read to yourself, confusion evident in your expression. “What the actual fuck, Yuta?”

“(Y/N)!”

Your head lifted to see Taeyong gesturing you towards him, your eyebrows still scrunched in thought as you made your way over to him and Hana. The silver haired boy threw his arms around your shoulder before he brought you in for a half-hearted hug, a bright smile on his lips as he looked down at you.

“I’m glad you decided to come,” he greeted. “You made the right choice.”

You smiled at that, hugging the boy back.

“I have you two to thank for that.”

Hana smirked at your words, her hand grabbing yours as she pulled you away from Taeyong.

“Oh, don’t thank us yet, honey,” she laughed. “We still have one more thing to do for you.”

“What -- hey!” You watched as Hana had opened up a closet door before letting go of your hand and pushing you in without a second thought. Immediately you were enveloped in darkness, your eyes straining to see in the pitch black room before you’re banging on the now locked door. “This isn’t fucking funny, Hana!”

“(Y/N)?”

You froze at the sound of your name, the deep velvety voice giving you a sense of familiarity, and you can feel your breath hitch in your throat as you turned around. Light filled the closet as Johnny pulled the switch, your heart speeding up when you noticed the close proximity of his body and yours. He towered over you as he stood, his lips pressed together in what seemed like nervousness, his eyes glinting with something you couldn’t quite place.

“Johnny,” you breathed out. “I -- what is going on?”

Johnny didn’t say anything as the two of you stood there, the silence almost deafening, and you have half the mind to start banging on the door again when he finally decided to speak up.

“I didn’t think you were going to come,” he admitted, his voice soft. Your teeth dug into your bottom lip as you broke your gaze from his, your body heating up as he took a step closer towards you. “I had hoped you would, though.”

“I -- I --”

The words were stuck in your throat as you took a step backwards, your back hitting the wall due to the small area of the closet. Desire rushed through you as you lifted your gaze back up to meet Johnny’s, the boy daring to take another step closer towards you as he lifted his hand. The smooth skin of his palm rested gently against the apple of your cheek, his thumb gently stroking your jaw as he smiled.

“You don’t have to say anything,” he murmured. “Taeyong told me everything.”

Swallowing thickly, your eyes widened as his chest pressed against yours.

“H- he did?” You stuttered out, making Johnny nod.

“He did,” he affirmed.

His nose gently grazed against your other cheek, lips daring to press a kiss to the skin there as you tilted your head up to give him more of what he wanted. A soft hum flows from Johnny as he gently pecked your jaw, a whine wanting to escape from your lips as you gripped his forearms.

“Wh- what did he say?” You managed to get out, making Johnny hum once more.

“Well,” he grinned against your skin. “He said that you were smitten with me.”

Drawing back from you, you almost let out a noise of protest as you pouted and god -- Johnny had to hold back from kissing you right then and there.

“I’m not smitten,” you muttered. Johnny chuckled, his chest rumbling against yours as he leaned in closer towards your face.

“You’re not?” He mused, quirking an eyebrow. “So you don’t like me?”

You could feel his breath fanned across your cheeks, the hand that had been on your face now wrapped securely around your waist as he pressed you back into the wall. You were finding it more and more difficult to breathe, the need overpowering any other sense and feeling in your body as Johnny’s other hand placed itself on your hip. The air between the two of you was thick, suffocating almost, and you were only able to breathe out a reply as his lips ghosted over your neck.

“I- I never said I didn’t like you.”

Smirking against your neck, Johnny teasingly licked a stripe along the base.

“You never said you did either.”

Your eyes closed as he gently grazed his teeth along your neck, your body shivering with pleasure as your nails dug into his bare forearms, the muscles contracting beneath your touch.

“What tastes better than it smells?”

Your eyes shot open at that, your hands pushing him away slightly as you stared at him in shock.

“Where did you hear that from?”

Johnny’s smirk widened as he peered down at you, his eyes hooded.

“It’s my riddle,” he stepped closer to you. “We were getting ready to play ‘Seven Minutes in Heaven’ and people had to pick riddles. I kept mine out, though. I was saving it for someone.”

A wave of heat rushed to your cheeks as you bashfully broke the eye contact, your fingers gliding along his arms as you try to steady yourself.

“Oh,” you uttered quietly.

Placing a finger underneath your chin, Johnny lifted your head so that your gaze met his once more.

“It’s tongue,” he grinned. “The answer is tongue.”

You blinked; once, twice, a third time -- and then there’s a knock.

Johnny stepped away from you just before the door opened, Hana’s disappointed face coming into view as she glanced at the two of you.

“They’re not even kissing!” She whined, frowning. “The whole point of this game is to get you two together!”

You were frozen in place, the unpleased shouts of the others becoming static noise as the desire flowed through your body. You can’t keep your eyes off of Johnny, your gaze no doubt hunger filled, and you clutch onto his arm as the two of you walk out of the closet. Turning to look at you in surprise, you don’t give him time to think before you’re leaning up to whisper in his ear.

“Do you want to test out your riddle and see if tongues do taste better than how they smell?”

Johnny’s eyes glinted in the dull lighting, his large, warm hand enveloping yours entirely as he dragged you towards the staircase. Everything around you seemed to disappear as Johnny pulled you down the hallway, your arms looping around his neck as you stood on your toes, wasting absolutely no time at all in pressing your lips against his.

He’s got a strong grip around your waist, his arms pulling you in closer to him as he pressed you against the door to his room. You were fully aware that the two of you were in the hallway, completely visible to anyone who dared to climb the stairs -- but you didn’t care.

Johnny’s lips were soft but firm against yours, the kiss not as rough as you expected it to be. To the outsider's perspective it may have seemed that way but the swift movements of his lips were pillow soft, slow languid kisses being exchanged between the two of you and you swore that you were floating on cloud nine -- until you felt his tongue glide along your lower lip. The moment his tongue met yours, the kiss changed.

The slow kisses were gradually speeding up, impatience flowing from both you and Johnny, and you can’t hold back a soft moan when you felt his hands shift from your waist down to gently cup your ass. The moment the moan left your lips, Johnny was gripping your thighs and effortlessly lifting you up, all-the-while reaching out a hand so he can open his bedroom door. He’s holding onto you with one arm as he kicks the door shut behind him, blindly locking it before he’s stumbling over towards his bed.

Your back is pressed against the cushiony surface of the mattress while your legs wrap around Johnny’s waist, your hands fisting in the soft locks of his hair as your lips moved against his. The dull pounding of the music blasting from downstairs is muted, the sound of your heart pounding cancelling it out as it pumped in your ears and you’re quite certain that Johnny could feel it beating wildly in your chest. Shivers wrack down your spine as his hands slid along the length of your thighs, his fingertips resting just below the hem of your skirt as he groaned against your mouth.

“This isn’t how I wanted things to pan out,” he panted, breaking away from your mouth so he could breathe. “I wanted to take you out first.”

You slid one of your hands down his clothed back before you tugged on the hem of his shirt, gesturing for him to pull it off.

“You can still take me out,” you reassured him, using your other hand to grab a fistful of his hair as a dirty smirk danced across your lips. “Or you can eat me out instead. It’s up to you.”

Johnny’s head lifted, his eyes widening as they fell on yours, his gaze heated.

“Don’t tempt me, baby girl,” he gritted out, digging his blunt nails into the skin of your thighs as he rolled his hips into yours.

The action made you mewl in response, your nails digging into his scalp as you arched into his touch, and you can feel your breath hitch as he sucked a mark into the skin of your neck.

“I’m not tempting you,” you managed to breathe out. “I’m merely giving you options.”

Johnny smirked against your skin, his tongue licking a stripe down your neck as his hands slid underneath your skirt, his long slender fingers gripping the flesh of your ass roughly as he bit down on your neck. Tugging once more at his shirt, it seemed that Johnny had finally gotten the hint as he sat up and reached behind his neck to grab the top of his shirt. You watched with desire as he lifted his shirt over his head, his toned body finally being revealed to you, and you almost moaned at the sight of the defined muscles that adorned his abdomen.

Tugging harshly on his chestnut locks you pulled him back down to you, your lips crashing roughly against his as you lifted your hips off of the bed and rolled them into him. A soft groan emitted from the boy’s mouth as his hands returned to your ass, his fingers kneading the flesh roughly as he reciprocated the kiss. Tongues swirled together in a mass of passion, your hands sliding over his broad shoulders as you arched into him, your clothed chest pressing against his bare one.

You could already feel his arousal begin to build, his semi-hard jean clad cock grazing against your thigh as he pressed his body to yours. You can feel the pool of heat begin to swarm between your legs, your core already beginning to become slick as his fingertips dance across the hem of your skirt. A soft moan escaped your mouth as Johnny pulled the material down your legs, the motion leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake as he tossed the skirt to the floor. Gently gripping your body, Johnny lifted you up until your head was pressed against the pillows, settling you in a more comfortable position before he broke his lips from yours.

Returning his mouth to your neck, he’s letting his digits glide along the hem of your panties as he let his tongue run along the bruise he had made earlier. Placing your hands on his upper arms, you stop him from sliding your panties down as you pushed him softly, Johnny breaking away from your neck in alarm.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, worry coating his tone. “Did I do something?”

Letting out a breathy laugh, you shook your head. Gripping his toned arms, you muster up all of the strength you could before you’re flipping your positions. Once Johnny was settled against the pillows, you let your hand glide down the length of his upper body as you sent him a flirty smirk.

“You didn’t do anything, Johnny,” you cooed. “I just wanted to make you feel good first.”

Johnny’s cock twitched at your words, his eyes glazing over lustfully as he watched you lay kisses down his chest. He’s letting out a quiet growl when he felt your teeth graze over the trail of hair that lined his lower abdomen, his hands fisting in your hair as you plucked at the button on his jeans.

“You don’t have to --”

“I want to,” you cut him off. “After all that waiting you did for me, baby, you deserve something in return.”

Sliding the fabric down his legs you carelessly discarded them to the floor before turning your attention back to his cock straining against his briefs, your tongue instinctively running over your lips as your fingers glided back up his toned thighs. You’re mouthing at his pelvic bone whilst your hand cupped him through his briefs, a gentle squeeze emitting a loud groan from the boy’s lips as he rolled his hips into the touch of your hand.

“(Y/N).”

The sound of your name had never sounded as good as it did when it fell from Johnny’s mouth, the breathy tone making the arousal in your core begin to build even more than it already had before. You felt the desire for him grow as you hooked your fingers around the hem of his briefs before sliding them down his legs, his cock finally coming into full view. Biting the inside of your lip in anticipation, you gazed over his thick length with hunger.

Gently taking his cock in your hands, you made sure to keep your gaze on him as you ducked down to run your tongue along the underside of his cock, Johnny groaning in response as he tugged at your locks. The vein that trailed along the bottom pulsated with desire as you tongued lazily at it, Johnny’s sounds only adding fuel to the fire as you wrap your lips around the head. Softy suckling on it, you let your tongue lap up the pre cum that was oozing from the tip, the somewhat salty substance making you crave more of him. Sliding your mouth further along his cock, you wrapped your hand around whatever was not enveloped and tugged softly at his length, humming appreciatively against him.

Johnny’s eyes are squeezed shut, the boy trying to keep his hips steady as you lapped at his cock, groan after groan emitting from his lips as you rhythmically bobbed your head. He’s tugging harshly at your tresses, blunt nails digging into your scalp, and the quiet moans that you were letting out reverberated against his length and set his body aflame. He’s writhing in pleasure beneath your ministrations, a choked back moan falling from him when he felt your hand drop to his balls and your mouth wrap around him entirely.

“Oh my g-- fuck!”

You could feel tears brimming your eyes as you fought the urge to choke, your eyes closing as you relaxed your throat -- and then you swallowed around him. The action sent Johnny wild; his hips were freely bucking up as his cock delved into your mouth, the tip hitting the back of your throat. You had your other hand placed on his lower abdomen, the muscles clenching beneath your touch as the boy neared his release.

“Fuck, I’m gonna --!”

Expletives fell from Johnny as his muscles clenched, his thighs trembling as he came in your mouth, your tongue lapping up every last drop he had. The palm of your hand ran over his abdomen, soothing the clenched muscles as he tugged harshly at your hair. He’s panting, the boy barely able to catch his breath, and you hum softly against his now limp cock before you’re slowly beginning to draw back. The hand you had on his balls dropped to rest on his toned thighs as you swallowed what was left of his release, your tongue rolling over your lips as you smirked dirtily at him.

Johnny was wide eyed, almost in a daze, and he’s got a fucked out smile gracing his lips as he lazily reached out towards you.

“Holy fuck, (Y/N),” he breathed out, cupping your face in his hand.

“I told you I was going to make you feel good,” you said, grinning. Johnny stayed quiet as you slithered back up his body.

Grabbing the back of your neck he pulled you up to him, his lips crashing harshly against yours as his tongue swirled around yours. He whimpered softly into your mouth as you settled yourself on his hips, your hands resting on the plane of his chest as you languidly kissed him back. He’s resting his hands on your thighs now, his long fingers gripping your flesh as he ushered you to move forward.

Breaking apart from your lips, he lets a smirk paint across his as he looked up at you with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Come up further,” he beckoned, making you look at him in confusion.

“Wha-- whoa!”

Johnny pulled you up his body until your core was leveled with his neck, the boy’s gaze never breaking from yours.

“I want to take you up on that suggestion you made earlier,” he licked his lips. “You made me feel good so now it’s my turn.”

Before you could say anything Johnny was already lifting your hips up until you were over his face, his fingers pushing your panties to the side while his tongue instantaneously ran along your slick heat. Your breath caught in your throat as he gripped you roughly, the little kitten licks making your hips buck against his tongue as you reached down to grab a fistful of his hair. He’s got his eyes shut, his head slowly moving up and down as he ran his tongue along your core, the boy humming softly each time a moan fell from your mouth.

You’re trying not to drop the entirety of your weight onto in, in fear that you were going to suffocate the poor boy, and you managed to grip his headboard with one hand to steady yourself from the overwhelming pleasure that he was giving you. Your mind was completely blank save for the thought of the boy that was beneath you, Johnny being the only thing you could even focus on as his tongue flattened against your clit.

His name is falling from you like a broken mantra, the cries of pleasure making Johnny smirk against your clit as he ran a slender digit against your folds, slicking it with your arousal. The moment he’s pushing it past your folds and inside of you you’re pushing down against the friction, your hips rolling into the rhythm of his movements as you throw your head back and moan. Johnny buries his face deeper, his head swiftly moving side to side as he curled the digit inside of you. Your thighs encase around his head as you ground down against his mouth as your muscles clench around him, your slick heat now enveloping his second finger as he pushed another inside of you.

You’re a mess above him, sobs of pleasure escaping you as the kitten licks speed up into full on suckles, his plush lips wrapping around your clit as he scissored the digits inside of you. You’re pulling relentlessly at his tresses while digging your nails into the wood of his headboard, your hips having a mind of their own as they glide against the friction of his ministrations. He’s humming against you once more, the reverberations of his noises sending goosebumps along your skin as he gripped your thigh with his free hand.

You’re so close -- so, so, so close. The white hot pleasure envelops your body in a wave, the sensation building from your lower abdomen before spreading to the entirety of your body. Your thighs clench around his head as he sucks harshly at your clit, the sensitive bud completely encaptured by his tongue, and you can feel your release wash over you in an instant, your body completely wracked with pleasure as you ride out your high against his fingers and tongue. He’s still lapping at your clit with fervor as you cum, the rough grip on his hair releasing slowly as you slumped against the headboard.

Placing your hands on the planes of his chest, you drop down next to him on the bed, completely spent from the pleasure you had experienced. Your breathing is ragged and your eyes are squeezed shut, the only audible sound emitting from Johnny as he let out a soft chuckle. Soft kisses are being peppered along your shoulder, his warm hands encasing around your waist as he massaged your skin softly, his face burying itself in the crook of your neck.

“You’re beautiful, baby,” he murmured, smirking against your skin. “Inside and out.”

The innuendo makes you turn your head to look at him, your mouth opening to retort something back to him when he planted his lips against yours.

You can still taste yourself on his tongue as he kisses you languidly, his mouth only breaking apart from yours when he lifted your shirt above your head. He’s blindly unclasping your bra with one hand before that and your panties are discarded, Johnny’s body slowly hovering over yours as he grasped your hips.

“I have to run to Yuta’s room,” he murmured against your lips. “He has the condoms.”

You chuckled against his mouth, your fingers running through his chestnut locks as you drew back from him.

“I have one in my purse,” you smirked. “Courtesy of Hana herself.”

Johnny chuckled lowly, his voice filled with husk as he grinned.

“God bless, Hana.”

Reaching to the side of the bed, Johnny handed you your purse so you could fish inside of it for the condom Hana had given you before the two of you had left your dorm. Setting your bag aside once you found it, you watched as Johnny tore the package open and ran the rubber along his now hardened cock. His gaze doesn’t break from yours as he grabbed ahold of your wrists and pinned them above your head, his thumbs gently stroking the flesh as he leaned down to press his lips to yours.

The moment you’re kissing him back, Johnny’s cock slides between your folds, your moan mixing with his groan as he sheathed himself inside of you. His length stretches you in a way that has you arching into him, your breasts pressing against his chest as your tongue meets his.

It’s intense; the lust that you had felt in the beginning was now mixed with passion, a feeling of pure, genuine want filling both of you up to the point where it’s more than just a fuck. The emotions are evident in his actions, his mouth slotting against yours in a kiss that took your breath away, his hips slowly beginning to build up a rhythm. The hands that pinned your wrists now slid up until his fingers were laced with yours, his body molding into yours as he pressed against you.

It’s slow - not too slow to the point where it’s not enough - his thrusts are deep, his cock delving further with each thrust of his hips, and you’re locking your legs around his waist as you raise yourself from the bed in order to meet him halfway. The new angle has his cock brushing against a spot that makes you cry out with pleasure, Johnny’s name falling from your lips as you cling onto his hands. He’s got his face buried in the crook of your neck, wet kisses being placed on your collarbone as his rhythm begins to falter slightly.

Letting go of one of your hands, Johnny lets the pad of his thumb press against your clit before he begins to rub it softly, your legs tightening around him as the pleasure doubles. With your free arm you wrap it around his neck, your nails digging in between your shoulder blades as you bite down on his shoulder, Johnny hissing at the action. His thrusts grow harsher, your walls contracting around him as he pounded into you now. Cries of pleasure are escaping you at an alarming rate, your body convulsing beneath him as your second release of the night builds faster and faster with every thrust, the sensation of his thumb against your clit and his cock brushing against a sensitive spot sending you reeling in delight.

The fire in your lower body ignites you the moment your release hits and you’re clinging to him, nails dug deep in his skin as your tongue smooths over the bruise you had left on his shoulder, your thighs clenching around his waist as you slowly roll your hips to help ride out your high. Johnny’s movements are sloppy as he reaches his own release, the hand entwined with yours pressing into the mattress as he holds himself steady, his hips matching your slow rhythm as he comes with a growl against your skin.

You’re breathless as you rest against the bed, your nails slowly retracting from his skin as your legs unwrap themselves from around him, your head tilting upwards as Johnny peppered soft kisses against your flesh, every now and again letting out a ragged breath as the two of you come down from your highs -- but none of you dare to move him off of you. You’re savoring the moment, mentally marking the feeling of having him inside of you, and you don’t know if you can let him go just yet -- but unfortunately he needed to rest as well.

Almost letting out a whine when he slides out of you, you pout as you watch him slide the condom off and toss it into the bin next to his bed.

“Don’t move, beautiful,” Johnny told you, sending you a smile.

Your gaze doesn’t leave his frame as he slid off of the bed and walked over to his closet, the boy grabbing a towel, a shirt, and a pair of his boxers before he’s walking back over to you. Gently taking the towel he wipes along the lower half of your body, cleaning you up thoroughly before he’s tossing it aside. Your heart almost swells twice its size as he slides the boxers over your legs, the boy helping you get dressed before he’s sliding his briefs back on and resting next to you on the bed.

With the covers pulled over your bodies, Johnny brings you closer to him so that your chest is pressed to his, his lips pressing kisses from your forehead down to your nose before he kisses you softly. You’re filled with an immense amount of euphoric happiness as you kiss him back, a soft hum escaping you as he draws back from you.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get to take you out before we got this far,” he murmured. You wipe a bead of sweat above his cupid’s bow, a smile playing at your lips.

“You don’t have to apologize,” you reassured him. “I wanted this to happen too, you know.”

“Oh, did you now?” He jokingly retorted, poking your nose. “Were you expecting it?”

You shook your head.

“No,” you smirked. “But I kind of hoped it would.”

“Why you little --”

Johnny growled playfully at the use of his words from earlier, his fingers reaching under your shirt so he could tickle your sides. A shriek emitted from your lips as you try to push him away, a loud laugh echoing around the room as you grin widely.

“Would you like to go to dinner with me tomorrow?” He asked once the two of you calmed down. You nodded before leaning in to press a chaste kiss to his lips.

“I would love to.”

Three pairs of ears are pressed against the door as they listened to the commotion happening on the other side, a muffled shriek emitting from one of the owners before they were instantly shushed.

“Don’t shush me,” Hana glared at Yuta. “I’m allowed to celebrate my best friend’s happiness.”

Yuta rolled his eyes at the girl before he grinned widely.

“Sounds like your friend is more than happy -- OW!”

Taeyong snickered as he watched his girlfriend slap his best friend on the back of the head, his head shaking at their antics. Stepping back from the door, he couldn’t help but feel happy for his best friend, glad that things had worked out between the pair of you.

“C’mon you two,” he said, wrapping an arm around Hana’s shoulders and pulling her close. “Let’s get out of here before we’re found out.”

Yuta snickered as the three of them walked away, the grin never faltering from his face as he beamed proudly.

“At least Johnny finally took my advice -- OW! Why are both of you so violent?!”

“Shut up, Yuta.”

#nct smut #johnny smut #nct johnny smut #johnny seo smut #nct 127 smut #nct scenarios #johnny scenarios

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rosy-cheekx · 3 years

Note

“You’re such a dork.” for the emotional writing prompts! I don't know anything about critical role, really, so for TMA :)

I spy, with my little eye, Bryce’s attempts to shove her own interests into her fics. Anyways, I am an American in college so I was basing this on my own experiences oops. Enjoy!

Date night was Wednesday evenings. Jon and Martin both found it preferable for a variety of reasons; it was the most likely nights for happy hours at the pubs in town, guaranteeing a cheap drink, and keeping to a weekday night minimized the chance of Jon seeing one of his students out. He hated seeing his students. Not that he hated them of course, he really rather liked them…not that they would ever know that. Being a professor, of parapsychology of all things, was rather rewarding. He knew the content inside and out (it felt good, using the mark of The Eye to actively work against it, to pass along information instead of consuming). And they didn’t seem to mind him either.

That was the thing about university students. They really didn’t care about who he was or where he came from. The fact that he was a scrawny, scarred Englishman in a lecture hall in Scotland didn’t matter to them. In the classroom, all they cared was whether he taught the material well (he did) and was kind to those with late assignments (he was. He had been a university student once too; he remembered the anxiety and depression that took him and his mates in waves). He was a good professor; Jon knew that objectively in the marks his students received. But in the subjective? His student had decided they liked him.

This had dawned on him at the end of his first semester; when he was inundated with emails of sincere thank-you for a great semester, for being such a helpful teacher, for taking the time to help review, et cetera. Martin had grinned at him, poking a tongue out his mouth and making some remark about teacher’s pets coming full circle (Jon was never a teacher’s pet though. He had always asked too many questions. He welcomed those questions with open arms now, to be the teacher he hadn’t had.)

The next semester it had been more obvious that students liked him now that he knew where to look. It was in the open “good-mornings” and questions about his weekend plans, and in the fact that he had the best attendance records of his department. It was in the way they asked genuine questions about his material and the waitlists miles long to get into his sections. Later on, it was in the gentle ribbings about his looking tired and the grey hairs even as they celebrated his fortieth birthday with him, bringing in cupcakes and sneaking in between lectures to decorate his office and the sincere questions over his scars, his life, his relationship with Martin (his introductory lecture always featured Martin and Her Regency, their thick orange tabby). To make eight wonderful semesters short, he was familiar with his students, and they weren’t afraid to be familiar back. Which was wonderful in the classroom and all, but not when he was trying have a relaxing evening with his husband.

Which brings them back to Wednesdays. Wednesdays were the days least likely to have students out in town, he had learned from Dr. Kerrigan, the positive psych professor, because Thirsty Thursdays started off the weekend’s partying and drinking for the undergraduates. Wednesday was the day students, in theory, buckled down to finish homework and give themselves a free weekend.

So here they were, Martin in a collared shirt, printed with tiny flowers, and jeans, hair bleached white from the Lonely and curling softly at his temples; Jon in a slouchy ribbed turtleneck and high-waisted pants, his own thick curls half-piled atop his head. Jon was listening intently as Martin spoke animatedly, talking about his own day as a guidance counselor at the local primary school.

“…and I swear Jon, if it wasn’t bad enough that Kimmy has decided never to speak to Lawrence again, now Lawrence has confided in me that he is positively in love with her.”

“Did he say that verbatim? In love, I mean.”

“I mean, no, but he said he was willing to give her all his Squishmallows for a playdate. Squishmallows. That’s real eight-year-old commitment, right there.”

Jon barked out a laugh and put on a puppy-eyed expression, grinning all the while. “Martin Blackwood, do you hereby take Jonathan Sim’s stuffed animals, to have and to ho-”

A gentle swat to the knee with Martin’s shoe cut Jon off. “Oi! Respect my children. They may be fools but its not their faults their brains aren’t developed yet. And yes, I know, ‘they’re not developed ‘til twenty-five and you can argue that your students’ brains aren’t developed either.’ But it’s different. They’re babies.”

“And I’m the All-Knowing One,” Jon mused thoughtfully around a forkful of food, earning him another love-filled kick.

“Speaking of,” Martin pointed to Jon with his glass, eyeing him deliberately. “Midterms next week, yeah? How do you think it’ll go?”

Jon shrugged, scratching at the back of his neck. “Alright, I hope. First exam went well but could’ve been better. I’m worried about Avonni, honestly, he’s nodded off a few times in class and I’m not confident he has someone to get the material from.”

“He has you.” A pointed, snow-white eyebrow.

“Right, but sometimes students don’t want to ask for notes because they think I’ll say no. Maybe I should email him. Speaking of email! Did I tell you what Suzanne sent out?”

“Oh no, what?”

They carried on like this through their meal and into dessert, and not for the first time Jon was struck by the sheer normalcy of it all. His greatest concerns were Suzanne’s passive-aggressive emails and his students, not the inevitable destruction of reality as they knew it to be. They were scarred, inside and out, everyone who had escaped The Magnus Institute was, but they were safe and free and happy. In defiance of everything that had happened to and because of them.

“Dr. Sims!”

Uh oh. Spoke too soon.

Bite of lava cake halfway to his mouth, Jon squeezed his eyes shut, rolling his eyes back in his head and willing there to be another professor with the surname Sims in the restaurant. When he opened his eyes, Martin was valiantly trying to suppress a smile as he eyed something, someone, over his head. Jon twisted awkwardly in his seat to see—

“Parker. What a surprise.” His voice was warm but carefully measured, and the dark-skinned boy waved, shit-eating grin on his face. “I have told you that you can call me Jon.”

“Yeah, I know, but you earned that doctorate! And “Doctor Jon” sounds awful, like you should have your own show or something.”

He hadn’t earned that doctorate, actually, but Martin’s expertise in lying and the disastrous apocalypse that had left everyone disoriented meant it had been easy to exaggerate some of Jon’s CV and manufacture a fake diploma.

“I do have my own show. Monday and Wednesday mornings, where I teach a bunch of caffeinated undergrads parapsychology,” Jon replied easily. “You’re welcome to tune in.” He liked Parker; he was a bit of a class clown, liked to ask off-topic questions or pretend to sneak a look at Jon’s answer sheets, but he was sharp and knew his stuff. Jon respected that. He reminded Jon of someone he dearly missed.

But Parker had already turned his attention to Martin, who was watching the interaction with mirth in his eyes. “Hello sir! I’m Parker McMichael, Jon’s favorite student.” Martin shook the extended hand and nodded in mock seriousness.

“Of course. Pleasure to finally meet you. Are you the one with the essay on ESP or the one on psychokinesis?”

“Neither,” Parker shook his head proudly, short dreads swaying gently with the movement. “The Validity and Continuity of Near-Death Experiences,” he made a mock marquee with his hands, arching curved fingers to indicate the title hanging in the air. “Researching any consistencies in near-death experiences stories, whether they’re legitimate, and what they mean if they are. But-” Parker shook his head and turned his attention back to Jon. “That’s not why I’m interrupting.” He took his phone out of pocket idly as he spoke. “I’m afraid I’ve come to settle a dispute among the 11 a.m. section.”

Oh no.

The Ceaseless Watcher whispered to him, unbidden, the dispute in question. Jon generally knew how to suppress the powers, and they were weaker than they had been, once upon a time, but when he’s caught off guard with the desire to know, to Know, it could still overtake him.

“This you?” A blurry screenshot of a Youtube video is shoved under his nose, a part of a text chain titled Sim’s Spoopy Spirits, captioned by many text bubbles expressing disbelief and objections and a variety of emojis. Jon took the phone and examined it, the truth already sure in his chest. Yes, that was him, dressed in his Jonny d’Ville costume, eyeliner streaked and eyes closed, mid-ballad. God, he wished he could be rid of those Youtube videos.

Jon’s gaping silence must have been enough of an answer for Parker because he whooped a little too loudly for the restaurant they were in and pumped his fist to his chest before typing very quickly on his phone. “I knew it! Take that Sabina,” he was mumbling to himself, lost in his texts for a moment.

Martin took the opportunity to clear his throat. “Sorry, uh, no one’s asked so I will. How did you know to look for him-us-here?” Jon frowned, He hadn’t thought about that.

“Oh, a couple of my mates work here and mentioned seeing Dr. Sims and his husband here a lot on Wednesdays and I dunno about you so much, but Dr. Sims is pretty habitual. Figured it was as good a guess as any. Some things can’t wait til Monday.”

“..an email. Parker. You could’ve sent me an email.” Fingers ran over scarred face, as if he could wipe the irritation (and Martin’s poorly-hidden laugh) from existence.

“But then I couldn’t do this.” His phone was back up again, level with his own face and he twisted so both his own and Jon’s faces were in the shot. “I’m here at 7:02 pm on Wednesday the 26, here to make a very important announcement,” Parker spoke to the camera with confidence. “Dr. Sims just confirmed to me that he is the one, the only, Jonny d’Ville.” Parker held the camera to Jon’s voice. “Anything to say to your adoring fans?”

Jon sighed and tugged on an errant curl. “Don’t forget, reading due Monday.” He wasn’t genuinely upset with Parker, just filled with fond embarrassment.

Parker sent the video off and clapped the back of Jon’s chair. “Well, Dr. D’Ville, its been a pleasure. Everyone’s really excited to get a confirmation on your status of coolest teacher. Any plans for the evening?”

Jon sighed through his lower lip, stray curls framing his scalp flying upward in the sudden burst of wind. “Watching a documentary and trying to forget—wait. What?”

“Oh yeah no, everyone thinks it’s badass. You’ve got a super nice voice and the stories you told were really interesting, if a little buckwild.”

Jon felt his cheeks flush and Martin grinned slyly at him from across the table. “Y-Yes. I guess we were rather good.”

Parker gave his farewells and Jon’s shoulders sagged (he had immediately righted his posture on seeing Parker, his grandmother’s voice in his ear reminding him of his manners), turning his full attention back to his husband. Martin had maintained that grin and was eyeing him intensely, like he expected Jon to say something.

“What, Martin?”

“God, you’re such a dork.” The words were soft, expression fond, and Jon could feel the radiation of unadulterated love Martin gave off in his smile, the one only ever used for Jon. “You really love your students, don’t you? You know how much they love you, right?”

Jon grumbled, but he couldn’t quite sweep the smile off his face either as their waiter made his way over with their check.

“No comment. But we are switching to Tuesday date nights.”

#tma #tma fanfic #the magnus archives #prompts #date night #jmart #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #fanfic to a tea

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missnight0wl · 4 years

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Believe it or not, but I still enjoy the story of HPHM – even in Y6. I mean, the Polyjuice Potion plot was really shitty, but still. And you know what? I’m not even mad about Rowan’s death. Admittedly, it’s probably mostly because I just don’t believe it was real… But in general, I don’t think it’s bad as a part of the story. Especially when you realise how it parallels Jacob and Duncan. And I don’t think that Rowan died purely to shock the audience (at least it wasn’t meant to be that way). I’m not even mad that we grew apart with Rowan in Y5, because it’s something that happens when you’re a teenager and your group of friends is expanding. What I HATE, though, is how it all was done. I hate that MC didn’t ever think why R wanted to kill one of their friends SINCE THE START OF Y5. I hate that we didn’t talk with Rowan in Y5 after our fight in the Library. I hate that we didn’t talk after they attacked us, and that we didn’t see how things turned out later between Rowan and Ben. I hate that we didn’t even mention Duncan when talking to Jacob after Rowan’s death.

Imagine something like that: you had the most amazing adventure at school, at work, or just in some other place. It was either thrilling, or funny, or whatever – simply a good story to tell at the parties etc. Therefore you (Person 1) decide to tell that story to your friend (Person 2). However, for whatever reason, that someone doesn’t quite pay attention to what you’re saying. Maybe they’re distracted by some problems, or they’re sleepy. Perhaps that’s just who they are. Still, they enjoyed the story enough that they want to tell it to Person 3 (who doesn’t know you). Unfortunately, because they don’t remember everything, they skip over some parts or even make things up to fill the holes. Perhaps they also forget to mention some detail about you that is important to fully understand the story. In the end, even though the punchline is the same as it was in the original story, Person 3 is just a bit confused because it did sound interesting, but not everything adds up. And that’s basically the problem with HPHM, especially since the second half of Y5, where Person 1 is the original writing team under Matt London, Person 2 is the current writing team, and Person 3 is us, the players. It’s a good story, but it’s written poorly.

That being said, it doesn’t have to mean that the story is doomed. I don’t think they’ll write anything, no matter how stupid it is. Because the thing is that a lot of the story was planned from the very beginning. I recall a post where London said that they knew how everything ends, what’s in the final vault etc. from the start. Then, it was only about getting there. Also, it seems like he worked on a big part of the story before he left after Y3.

He has to talk about Beatrice here because before Y5, we didn’t see much of Penny’s interest in her family.

Now, Rakepick wasn’t even introduced officially before Y4, yet, he put so much into her character that it makes him “the proudest”? I admit, if he talks about all of Rakepick’s symbolism, IT IS damn impressive. But it also means that Jam City can’t fucked up Rakepick’s story because it’s already done, and throwing it away would be plain stupid (also, if they’ll do it anyway – I’m so so sorry, Matt…). And you know, we already have examples in the game of things which makes sense in the big picture, but they were poorly executed.

New Ben. All of Y5 was for Ben about becoming braver. There should’ve been something at the end of Y5 which showed Ben that his previous efforts weren’t enough, and that’d explain his behaviour in Y6. I believe that Ben was supposed to try to sacrifice himself to protect MC (I explained it in details here), but for whatever reason, Jam City changed it. Still, Ben’s story is probably the same as it’s meant to be. We’re just missing a link which would explain his change better.

The Wizard in White. There were theories that he was expelled from Mahoutokoro as soon as he was first mentioned back in Y5. The thing is that those theories were based on the facts that he wears white robes AND that he was using incantations Fletcher didn’t understand (suggesting foreign language). In Y6, Dumbledore deduced that based only on the fact that he wears white robes – which is stupid. Even if white colour is not common in Knockturn Alley, I refuse to believe that Dumbledore would guess it so accurately without any indication that the wizard might be a foreigner.

Alanza. We needed a long time for her to reveal that Rakepick was at Castelobruxo. Why? Because the current writers weren’t listening to the original story at the part where MC finds out that Rakepick was there before coming back to Hogwarts. Still, they know that it’s important that Rakepick was there and that they need Alanza to bring it up.

All of that are examples of a good story being told by an incompetent person. But I do not believe that they will pull out who knows how stupid things “because bad writing” – at least not when it comes to the main events (I don’t believe that R could be Voldemort, for example). In fact, I have to say, I’m always a bit... irritated seeing that argument. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we shouldn’t criticize Jam City. We should! You can find quite a lot of complaints on my blog, actually. But I always try to point out why things are stupid. That’s why I use shitloads of screenshots and write essays for a thousand words. Why I keep bringing up questions which should be answered. And honestly, I don’t really know how to react to people saying that Jam City will do something stupid because it’s Jam City… I mean, if that’s what you believe – you do you. But that’s not really why I’m here. I always try to show that HPHM can still make sense.

Also, I probably wouldn’t find it very motivating to improve if I was a writer at Jam City, to be frank. Like, people have no expectations, but they keep playing, some of them keep paying, so... Why would they try harder? Their salaries are probably the same, no matter how much sense the story makes. I mean, I get that it’s frustrating when they ignore things, and it makes constructive criticism harder, but assuming in advance that we shouldn’t hope for logical solutions won’t take us anywhere either.

Long story short: even if people think it’s pointless, I’ll keep analysing the shit out of this game because I know I’ll be right about the main events in the end. Even if the way Jam City gets there will be missing many explanations, will be full of pointless fillers instead, and it won’t be half as thrilling as it could’ve been. I didn’t want to offend anyone; I just felt the need to explain myself as to why I believe that my procrastinating makes sense. I’m not sure if I succeeded, but oh well.

If you made it here, thank you for your time and attention.

#long post #hogwarts mystery #hphm #hphm mc #jacob's sibling #rowan khanna #ben copper #patricia rakepick #penny haywood #wizard in white #alanza alvez #matt london #jam city #marta rambles #let's talk

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peremadeleine · 4 years

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Droopy Sleeves and Tiny Bonnets: Watering Down the Romantic Aesthetic in BBC’s Les Mis

I wasn’t exactly blown away by the costumes in the BBC production of Les Mis, and Cosette’s in particular, cute as Ellie Bamber is, were thoroughly “just okay.” But I didn’t put much more thought into it...

Well, not until Gentleman Jack--set in the exact same time period--blew BBC’s Les Mis out of the water with its costume design. Then more recently, when I started researching the fashion of the early 1830s, all the ways in which poor Cosette’s costumes fell short became glaringly obvious.

Disclaimer: I am not as much of a stickler for historical accuracy in period drama costumes as this little essay is going to make me out as being. I’m not a Frock Flicks kind of gal; I just want to be entertained and look at pretty clothes. So as far as I’m concerned, as long as the basic silhouettes are there and the costumes are nice to look at, I’m there. (I find the wildly inaccurate costumes of The Tudors a lot more visually appealing than the ones in Wolf Hall. And everyone knows Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette was highly stylized, but those costumes are to die for and still embody the rococo aesthetic very well.)

That said, Cosette is a character who’s very invested in fashion, and the general look of the 1830s isn’t unknown to English productions, being the setting of Queen Victoria’s adolescence, Jane Eyre, Wives and Daughters, and many a Dickens adaptation among others.

So where did they go wrong?

Being honest, most of the Les Mis productions from the past two decades or so failed to put Cosette in high-fashion or even noteworthy costumes. Only the 2012 film for all the ways it failed her as a character hit it out of the park. Cosette gowns were damn near perfect--and they were actually pretty to boot! Unfortunately in the actual film you can’t even see the floral gown and you can barely see the blue one...thanks Tom Hooper.

The belts/buckles, the enormous sleeves, the delicate floral prints and embroidery, the lace collars...pat the costume designer on the back! (Her wedding dress was also on-point, but we’ll get to that.)

Claire Danes and Virginie Ledoyen had passable-and-sometimes-good costumes, too. Though Claire Danes’ were generally not very pretty, their overall silhouette was correct. Virginie Ledoyen gets a couple of knock-out, very period-appropriate gowns; the rest sort of fall into the nebulous “well, I guess you tried” category without being unattractive.

But the BBC production just...dropped the ball for reasons unknown.

Now, in the book Cosette overhears some ladies calling her “pretty but badly dressed.” She’s shocked, because she thinks she’s ugly but well-dressed. She then goes on a charming quest to become the best-dressed woman in Paris, and the BBC adaptation even has a scene where she goes to the seamstress. It’s really cute. Too bad that the dresses are...really not.

Here are some fashion plates from 1830-32. Keep in mind that Cosette lives in Paris, of all places; she would be aware of what was and was not fashionable.

This is the height of Romantic fashion: giant (“gigot”) sleeves and bonnets, full skirts with hems at or just above the ankle, lace accents, silk stockings and slippers, elaborate hairdos. The 2012 costumes, again, capture this quite well.

And even if the BBC designer had taken liberties and had fun while preserving the overall aesthetic--think what Sandy Powell did in Cinderella, set in roughly the same period--I wouldn’t be making this post. But there’s curiously little 1830s to be found in Cosette’s wardrobe at all.

I guess we should start with the BBC’s Good/Accurate Stuff. This coat Cosette wears is, apart from the deep fur-lined V-neck, almost a carbon copy of the extant coat on the right. And she has a bonnet!

Cosette’s best/most accurate dress is, naturally, the most difficult to see and has the least screentime of all her costumes:

From what I can tell, the sleeves, though delicate and sheer, are very full, as is the skirt, and the whole thing seems both pretty and en vogue...despite the questionable neckline. It’s also detailed--embroidery on the sleeves and with pleats (?) to create visual interest at the shoulders and on the bodice!

Here are a selection of other short-sleeved gowns from the period for comparison (both extant garments and costumes/reconstructions).

Tbh Ellie’s costume should be as stunning as the blue gown (far left) that an extra wore in Cinderella, but...maybe someday, in some Les Mis production, that gorgeous Sandy Powell creation will reappear. *sigh* (Virginie Ledoyen’s best Cosette gown is on the far right, btw.)

Anyway, that’s...that’s about it for the “Good” category.

Next up: her teal/turquoise dress(es). (She also wears a red one that looks exactly like this.)

Someone didn’t tell the costume designer that Cosette was supposed to be a fashionista, I guess. During my research, I did find a couple of dresses that resembled these two...but they would both be several years out of date by the time Cosette was going on her fashion crusade:

Even the yellow dotted dress has more style and “oomph” than what poor Cosette got stuck in--her sleeves look comparatively small, deflated, and underwhelming, all the more so when compared to actual 1830s gigot sleeves.

In the interest of being fair, some extant gowns from the right dates also look somewhat like these two.

But they all look, well...better. They all make me wish Cosette’s gown had bigger sleeves, a more-defined neckline, less wrinkly fabric...anything that would take it up a notch. (Also of note: as plain as some of these dresses look, they would not have been worn alone--accessories like wide belts, shawls, bonnets, etc., would have been part of the outfit when they were actually worn.)

And when it comes down to it, Cosette--who wants, after all, to be wearing the most fashionable gowns, like those in the fashion plates--should be wearing gowns more like...

The detailing, the fabric choices, the tailoring, and (sorry) the size and position of the sleeves makes all the difference here. A little more effort, even just padding for Cosette’s poor limp sleeves and a belt, would be enough to bump her looks from “kind of sad” to “something I believe this character would really wear.”

My personal favorite gown in the production was very pretty, flowing and delicate--and look: I’m willing to accept that Cosette wouldn’t always be wearing a fashion plate while chasing butterflies (something no film Cosette has, tragically, ever done...) That said, it still wasn’t very 1830s.

This purplish gown is the closest extant I could find to something like what Cosette wears here, but once you look at the details of both--fabric, neckline, whatever is happening around waist--all you get is “???” A lovely dress, but one that doesn’t make much sense.

So finally we come to what ought to be the showiest of all Cosette’s costumes: her wedding gown.

This costume ought to be Stunning for a lot of reasons. The “Fauchelevents” have money! The Pontmercys have money, and they have society friends! Cosette is a fashionista, and she’s head-over-heels in sweet young love! And one an assume that Valjean wants to send off the light of his life, if send her off he must, in style--he’s heartbroken but also knows, from this moment, that he will never have to worry about her safety or well-being again.

With all that in mind, this is what Ellie’s Cosette wears...

Oh. Okay. Is it her freaking wedding day, or is she just going to a church picnic???

At least she IS wearing a bonnet in this scene, but it’s the same color as her hair (?!) and it’s tiny...just like her sad, deflated sleeves. The necklime and waistline both are at least accurate here, but like the sleeves, the skirt isn’t voluminous. Not a single thing about the dress makes a statement...unless it’s a shrug. The impression is, once again, “meh?”

At least a veil (which some women did wear on their wedding bonnets) would emphasize the “wedding day” vibe. How about, if they weren’t going to give it any volume, some detail on the gown...any detail...floral embroidery...a BELT...a contrasting color or fabric (lace, hello?!)...anything??? It’s just so plain and low-key. Just like everything Cosette wears in this miniseries.

Here are some period wedding gowns, two of which Cosette wears in other adaptations. They all have the wow factor this dress lacks.

Big sleeves! Lace! Belts! Veils! Lush fabric! Frills! Different colors/fabrics to create visual interest! Hairstyles that pop instead of blend together! These are the kind of gowns that say “I’m the bride and this is my day.” Not “I’m going to the church picnic.”

I want to reiterate that, after ALL that rambling...my big issues are that a) these dresses are not--by and large--attractive or interesting and b) that they fail to embody Cosette’s love of fashion. The fact that they’re so inaccurate for the time period is secondary. However, paying more attention to the fashions of 1830-32 would, I think, have helped make the costumes prettier and more suited to the character. How you dress a character is also a factor in how their character is perceived and can be a subtle means of character development. No chance of that here. (Post-marriage, Cosette wears such a blase dark blue coat that, sans fur trim, looks identical to her previous one. Yawn.)

I’m just a fan, yet it still took me only three days of basic research to put this post together. Expecting a costume designer to put in at least a few days of light research is not a huge leap. I’m going to venture a guess and say that this designer did not bother to do that. And it shows.

It’s a shame, because Cosette gets a lot more screentime here--for the first time since the 2000 production--and she deserves so much more than shapeless gowns and barely-styled hair.

And also more than Andrew Davies...but that’s a rant for another time.

#cosette #bbc les mis #Les Miserables #historical fashion #romantic era

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onthevirgeofdestruction · 4 years

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Dreaming While I Wake

Sanders Sides Foster Care AU - Roman-centric Angst & Hurt/Comfort & Abuse Recovery

Roman tries to be upbeat and hopeful despite all the shit that’s happened to him. And a lot of shit has. Luckily, his new foster home is with two literal rays of sunshine (and a sarcastic asshole).

Words: 3,480 Warnings: Major Warnings - Spoilers in Warnings Characters: Roman, Thomas, Patton Universe: Dreaming While I Wake Genre: Chill Hurt/Comfort

Chapter 26

chapter 1 for new readers - ffn mirror

Roman exhaled with relief as he unloaded the textbooks he didn’t need into his locker at the end of the day. He still was so incredibly glad he only required the one textbook for his science homework due tomorrow. Short answer essay questions, because the teacher was the actual devil. He’d gotten back some of his homework today and it was lots of C’s, even though he tried to focus and do his best.

He got back some homework he got help from Patton on with an A, at least, so he could possibly average out to a B instead of being a solid C student as usual. Not that he could ask Patton to help him again. He couldn’t bother them. He just had to… do better somehow. He managed a B on his own for one of the packets, so he could in theory.

Roman closed his locker and hefted his bag off the floor, but jumped when he locked eyes with a guy leaning against the locker right in Roman’s face. Roman narrowed his eyes and looked the stranger up and down. He didn’t recognize him and had genuinely no idea why this guy was staring at him. Did they share a class? Roman had trouble remembering faces.

“Can I… help you?” Roman inquired curiously.

“What’s with the new look? Trying to pretend you’re interesting or something, now?” The guy sneered at him with a villainous grin.

“That’s rich coming from a guy dressed up in a fancy peacoat,” Roman slid on his backpack and huffed at him, motioning to his coat. Was this even real life? This was so weird.

“Hiding something?” He said, reaching out and plucking at Roman’s gloves. Roman twitched his hand back and scowled at him. He knew he’d regret wearing them at school, eventually. He thought they looked okay, certainly less obvious, with the leather jacket, and he didn’t wish to upset Thomas again by forgetting. Thomas reminded him multiple times to put them on that morning, and he couldn’t bring himself to take them off while he went to school as usual.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Roman rolled his eyes and threw his head. He spun around to walk off. He wasn’t stuck in a class with this asshole and had no reason to continue to tolerate this passive-aggressive bullshit.

“I know,” The guy called after him. Roman couldn’t stop himself from stiffening his shoulders while he strode off. “I know what you’re hiding,” He continued. Roman swung to look at him. His expression was completely impassive and his bright hazel eyes felt piercing as they locked gazes.

“Whatever,” Roman said dismissively and turned back around to leave. There wasn’t anything that this guy could extort from Roman. He didn’t have cash, and most of his possessions weren’t fancy. If he pretended it didn’t matter, then hopefully it wouldn’t. It had worked before. This guy clearly had problems to seek out Roman just to fucking bother him, and Roman didn’t need to make himself a part of this stranger’s issues. Roman waved at him and headed out the building to walk home. The guy didn’t follow or call after him again, so hopefully, it worked.

Today was long, PE continued to be a nightmare of glares, and he slept like shit last night because he was so busy feeling guilty about Thomas buying him clothes. He wished to lie down and space out to something on TV. If he got lucky he could pass out to it. His feet freaking hurt and that guy annoyed the shit out of him, so he’d need to relax or his anger would get out of control again. He had that damn appointment soon, and that fucked with his mood enough so he needed to try to keep his cool.

His mood was not as bad as Virgil’s, though. Virgil stormed past him on the sidewalk, looking as pissed as a hydra that had one of its heads lopped off. He had some paper crumpled in his fists and was slouched over, his hood hiding his dark hair and doubtlessly a very dour expression. Roman sped his pace to keep up with Virgil but kept a berth of a few feet. He wasn’t sure if he should ask or let him deal with it alone. Roman would rather be left alone, personally, so just making sure Virgil didn’t punch anything should be helpful enough.

Virgil grimaced as he fished his keys out of his jeans pocket and unlocked the front door. He stomped upstairs and slammed his bedroom door before Roman got halfway up. He ambled into his own bedroom and left the door open, in the event Virgil desired to vent or something, and dropped his backpack at his desk. Roman flopped down on the bed and exhaled tiredly. He kicked off his shoes with his toes and considered if he wanted to watch the TV downstairs or on his phone. It’s about all he had the mental capacity to do right now.

Sitting there and thinking about doing things was more effort than he had. He was fucking tired, annoyed at that prick, worried about Virgil, and his feet which were fully healed were being bastards and aching for no good reason. Was it too much to ask to just stop existing for a while? Even twenty minutes? Roman needed a god damn break like he needed oxygen. Too drained for TV wasn’t exactly a new low, but still some grade-A bullshit. At least he didn’t have to be watching kids right now.

“Hey, do you know what that was about?” Thomas asked, knocking on Roman’s open door. Roman leaned up and looked over to him.

“No, no clue,” Roman shrugged and sighed.

“He’s not answering his texts. Would you mind…?” Thomas trailed off and pointed to Virgil’s room from the doorway.

“What?” Roman raised a haircut at him.

“Translating for him?” Thomas finished somewhat awkwardly. “I mean... if he’s okay with it. I’m hoping he’ll respond in person,” He added sheepishly.

“Um, no, I don’t mind,” Roman sat back up and got up from the bed. Thomas shifted a door over and knocked on it while Roman stared curiously at Thomas.

“Virgil? I’m opening the door,” Thomas announced. Roman stepped up behind him while Thomas paused. He pushed it open and Virgil was sitting on the floor against the bed, with his arms wrapped around his bed and his makeup smudged. “I brought Roman to translate if that’s okay,” Thomas said. Roman finally got a chance to look into Virgil’s office. He had a surprising amount of things, but the room had a similar setup in that it had a full-sized bed, a dresser, a bookshelf, and a desk, other than the fact that he had a big bean bag in the corner. But there were plenty of little decorations, old toys, and other possessions littered about the area. He had posters up, some bands Roman didn’t recognize and a Donnie Darko poster, which is weird, because Roman was certain that movie was rated R. Virgil’s sheets were royal purple and he had a black throw and pillowcases on it. Virgil didn’t acknowledge Roman or Thomas and stared blankly ahead. “What happened? Are you okay?” Thomas asked, looking concerned and conflicted in the doorway.

“School,” Roman said as Virgil signed sluggishly. Virgil sighed and leaning back against the bed, looking more exhausted than pissed now. His eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes slightly hollow.

“Did something happen at school?” Thomas urged him to open up softly, holding on to the door frame. Virgil took up the crumpled paper and held it up. Thomas stepped in to take it and examined it. It looked to be an essay, but there was a big red zero on the top and a stamp for where the parent had to sign to prove they’d seen the grade. Roman flinched involuntarily seeing that, grimacing. Thomas skimmed the paper swiftly. “It’s okay if you got a bad grade, but I have to admit I don’t see what’s wrong about this essay. Did you go off-topic or something?” Thomas asked with a confused expression, flipping it over to the other side.

“Oral presentation,” Roman translated for Virgil. Virgil grimaced, dropping his face into his knees and taking hold of his legs again, flopping his hoodie down.

“What do you mean?” Thomas scratched his eyebrows, appearing to be reading the essay. “This looks fine to me,” He commented, flipping the pages back and straightening them out.

“I think he means it was supposed to be an oral presentation, and the teacher failed him because he couldn’t present,” Roman suggested sourly and Virgil nodded slowly in confirmation. Thomas stiffened and his eyes widened right away.

“What a complete and absolute bitch!” Thomas intoned acridly. “Don’t let Patton know I said bitch in presence of you,” He added quickly and ran his hand through his mane. “How dare they, honestly? This teacher is likely still at the school, right?” Roman backed up and nodded, not a fan of this angry energy Thomas was putting out. “Alright, come on, both of you. I’m not leaving either of you alone, but I’m not letting them get away with this,” Thomas hissed. “Get your shoes back on, Roman,” He said, but Roman was a little freaked out and couldn’t react. Virgil curled in on himself on the floor. Thomas inhaled and exhaled gently. “I’m sorry, boys. Please, let’s go. You don’t deserve this grade, Virgil. We need to set this right,” Thomas said much more evenly and Virgil and both let out a tense breath.

Roman backed out of the doorway and shuffled into his bedroom to slide on his shoes. He didn’t want to walk anymore, but he also didn’t have it in him to contest Thomas. He looked intense, and that was extremely unnerving to Roman. It was usually safer and easier just to follow along, even if he didn’t understand why he had to go. It wasn’t as if he was going to hurt himself or whatever, he only wanted to take a nap and sulk. Though maybe Thomas could see something in Roman that he didn’t. He had to admit he was in a trash mood, and that could make Thomas nervous. Roman pulled himself up off the bed with a pained huff. He headed downstairs and waited for Thomas and Virgil. They came downstairs a few moments later and headed out.

His feet hurt, so Roman limped every few steps on the way there. Thomas was a full-grown adult and Virgil had long spider legs, so their natural pace was quick compared to Roman’s limping gait and he had to be careful about not falling behind. Thomas was rushing and gripping the essay in his hands. Virgil had his hood up again and was holding himself as he followed behind Thomas. He looked sullen at best, grasping his hoodie with pale knuckles and staring morosely at the concrete below them as they walked.

They reached the school swiftly due to their long legs and frustrated pace. Virgil led them over to the junior hall and to the teacher’s classroom silently, Roman tagging behind them nervously. Thomas fell on the open classroom door and entered with his shoulders high. Roman slid in to sit down and put out his feet, but Virgil hid behind Thomas and rubbed his arm restlessly.

“Excuse me? Mr. Brennan. I’m Mr. Sanders, Virgil McNaught’s guardian?” Thomas got the teacher’s attention, standing firm in face of the desk.

“All you had to do was to sign the paper, Mr. Sanders, you didn’t need to come in,” The teacher said, sounding very tired as he examined the failed essay in Thomas’s hand.

“I’m here because you can’t give Virgil a zero for being unable to present vocally,” Thomas said coolly, dropping the paper on the teacher’s desk.

“You’ll find I can. It is not my job to make shy children come out of their shells. He chose not to present,” Mr. Brennan responded, tapping the desk with his pen and looking annoyed.

“He is not able to speak, and that is a very important distinction. Virgil still provided the presentation in a way he was capable of doing,” Thomas poked the essay on the desk and Virgil shrank back slightly.

“I wasn’t made aware of a 504 plan for the student,” The teacher replied, sounding frustrated and rubbing his nose under his glasses.

“Virgil shouldn’t need that for you to know that he can’t talk and thus can’t give an oral presentation,” Thomas insisted angrily, crossing his arms.

“He does, technically,” Mr. Brennan’s tone sounded bored. Roman stared at him from across the room.

“I don’t care about technicalities. This still violates the spirit of the ADA and we’re already actively working on getting a diagnosis,” Thomas shot bitterly, standing stiffly and possibly joining Roman in the glare from the slight hunch.

“Listen, he’s not the first quiet kid I’ve ever seen. He’s got the look and everything,” The teacher motioned to Virgil and arched an eyebrow. Roman gritted his teeth, biting back an insult. “How do you know he’s not lying to you, too?” He demanded incredulously and jumped when Roman’s fist slammed down on the table. If he had ever given anyone a death glare, he was sure giving it to this asshole. Thomas glanced behind him at Roman. “Please control your entourage, Mr. Sanders, it’s after hours,” Mr. Brennan said warily and rubbed his head again.

“Roman has every single right to be upset, just like I am! He cannot talk. And as it happens, that’s not your place to assume or judge. Boys, come on, we’re going to the main’s office,” Thomas growled slightly as he spoke with firm conviction. Virgil was completely curled into himself and breathing hard. Roman got up and stood between Virgil and Mr. Brennan without hesitating, staring him down.

“Leave him alone,” Roman hissed menacingly to the teacher, balling up his fists.

“Roman, that’s enough,” Thomas stopped Roman, putting his hand on his shoulder. He would have preferred to shrug it off, but it was grounding and Roman was barely containing himself as he bared his teeth at the schoolteacher. “An infringement of the ADA is a fire-able offense. The principal can do much worse than you,” Thomas added evenly, though his other hand was clenched tightly.

“It’s not an invasion of the ADA without a diagnosis, Mr. Sanders,” He sighed with exasperation, flipping his hand out towards Virgil as he rested his head on one arm.

“Once we have a diagnosis, that’s something completely trivial for my lawyer to handle,” Thomas stared him down, standing resolutely. Roman glanced back at Virgil and he didn’t seem to be doing any better. Roman shrugged Thomas off and walked behind him, squatting down to the floor to face Virgil. He fell on the ground with his knuckles and Virgil’s eyes shot up.

‘Hallway,’ Roman signed and Virgil nodded slowly, swallowing hard. His forehead was sweaty, and he looked kind of sick.

“The school doesn’t have any money for you to sue for. This is a public school, we’re lucky we have running water,” The teacher sounded more fatigued than before, leaning heavily on his hand and scowling.

“I don’t want money, I want fair treatment for my- for Virgil! I don’t need money, I need you not to treat children like liars! This bullshit is why kids are hurting so much and I’m not standing for it!” Thomas shot fiercely, only barely controlling his volume. Roman held his arm out and protected Virgil as he made his way to the hall. Thomas followed after them after he finished his tirade, holding the essay again.

“I’m really sorry, Virgil. I’ll make sure this gets solved. Can you breathe?” Thomas asked much more softly, keeping a safe distance from Virgil. Roman stayed within a foot of him, entirely on edge but ready to throw down at any second if anyone even looked at Virgil funny. He’d gotten his ass beat for foster siblings before and he’d do it again in a heartbeat, and he couldn’t use but default to that when he was stressed and Virgil was panicking. Virgil nodded weakly and choked a bit, continuing to shake and grip himself too hard.

“Let’s all take some deep breaths, okay? I could use it, too. I’m going to count on my hand and you two can follow my lead,” Thomas suggested, putting the essay under his arm and holding up four fingers and starting to breathe in, counting on his fingers. Roman followed suit with his fists gripped tightly. It took plenty of cycles, but the time for each slowly increased and Roman eventually calmed down a bit. Virgil had stopped shaking as well, though his bangs were still holding to his forehead and he looked completely drained, the dark circles under his eyes visible under the makeup.

‘Fuck that guy,’ Roman signed to Virgil with a half-smile on his face, but he couldn’t manage to suppress the grimace much. Virgil nodded bitterly and glanced at Thomas.

“Let’s go to the administrative office. You two can wait on the court out front, just stay together and keep each other safe, all right?” Thomas requested, motioning with his head down out of the junior hall.

“Way ahead of you,” Roman muttered darkly under his breath. Virgil stuck close to Roman in the hall instead of keeping his normal few feet of distance.

Virgil dropped to the bench right outside of the front office with a fatigued exhale. Roman stood, not sure if Virgil needed his space on the bench and helpless against the tension in his body. Thomas marched in the administrative office and advanced directly into the principal’s office without waiting for the currently absent secretary to let him in. Roman tapped his fingers on his jacket as he crossed his arms, shifting his weight around on his feet from time to time.

Virgil’s arm eventually reached out and yanked at Roman’s jacket, forcing him to sit and then scooting over, less than a foot between them. Roman exhaled painfully, his rib acting up. Maybe watching him twitch restlessly wasn’t helping Virgil. Roman uncrossed his arms and wrung his hands slowly instead. Virgil leaned forward on his legs and stared at the floor despondently.

That motherfucker in the open peacoat with the brown and gold shirt passed in the hall and regarded Roman curiously. Roman glowered at him, doing his best to communicate not to fuck with him right now with his eyes. Roman barely contained his need to fight as it is. The guy paused and looked Roman up and down before he walked up, which meant this person didn’t get the picture. It felt like an invitation that Roman wanted to rip into shreds.

“Acting out again?” He said smoothly, sliding his hands into his coat pockets. Again? This fucker. Roman didn’t know what he knew or how he knew, but he clenched his teeth and balled his fists against his thighs. “Oh, you don’t enjoy being-” Roman socked him right in the fucking face. He was standing over him and breathing hard before he was even aware of what he was doing. The person in the peacoat stumbled back and hissed in pain, holding his eye.

“Good!” Roman shot loudly, raising his arms. “Get the fuck out of here before I come over there and finish the job,” Roman spat, cracking his knuckles stepping forward. The guy scampered off hurriedly and Roman growled and ran both his hands through his mane and scratched aggressively at his scalp. He held himself and started pacing.

Virgil gripped his sleeve while he passed and yanked him down on the desk again, shooting him a furtive glance. Roman sighed and grasped his legs. The combination of jeans and gloves stopped him from feeling his nails pressing through the material and he groaned quietly in frustration, eyeballing the direction that prick head ran off in. He loved to chase that kid and go for round two. He longed to go fight him so much it buzzed in his muscles painfully.

Roman reached up and scratched at his head once more. He was just as awful as his fucking dad. Roman held his head in his palms and leaned back against the wall, rubbing his face roughly in frustration. Virgil yanked at Roman’s sleeve and removed Roman’s hands from himself. Oh. Right. Roman nodded to Virgil in thanks. His skin felt raw from the leather gloves, but he probably didn’t hurt as much as that kid’s eye did. Roman squeezed his eyes shut and clutched at his jacket, trying to stop attacking himself. What the hell was wrong with him?

Personal Taglist: @bunny222 @elizabutgayer @prinxietyforever @kanene-yaaay-o-retorno @the-sympathetic-villain @croftersjam15 @ollyollyoxinfree @xytiiko

the taglist repository (ask to be removed):

High school: @dragonwithproblems @starlight-era @averykedavra @potatsanderssides

Roman Angst: @k1ngtok1

Hurt/Comfort: @callboxkat @nonasficcollection @supernovainthenightsky @evoodo123

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Fostering AU: @i-am-not-a-dinner-roll

literally everything sanders sides: @katelynn-a-fan @dwbh888 @grouptalekindnesssoul @the-hoely-bleach @anvil527up @fanficloverinthesun @brain-deadx0 @the-grounded-raven @ananonsplace

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cirilee · 4 years

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i just found a text my browser had saved on a word count website, and i apparently typed it last november while being sad - i just wanna have a place to post it, and it explains why i was gone for most of may through november last year.

if you’re interested, u can read, it’s basically just a long long long vent and i wanna save it somewhere :’)

(and if you wanna, you can tell me what u think of the whole thing, maybe share if something like that happened to you too, because man, this whole thing was WEIRD for me)

bottom line is: i’m much better now and have way better friends then back then and in general, i’m a pretty happy person again^^

My parents and me had been fighting a lot the past years. I still love them. For a while though, it was just shouting matches between us. We weren't really speaking to each other throughout january 2019 until april 2019, so i wasn't informed by them that they were planning to mOVE OUT. And the place they wanted to move to only had enough space for 2 people. now my brother and me had 3 months total to find and finance our own flats. i was desperate. 2 months i unsuccessfully searched for a job or a flat or a way to make a deposit for said flat, without any saved up money. an old school friend offered to move out together. i only saw him once every month for group activities. he was nice, but we also had a bit of a history. 3 years ago he had acted kinda scummy and tried to get me to be his girlfriend because "he couldnt find anybody else” - ending in a "movie night with friends" that turned out to be a trap, where the only one spending the night was me because he only invited me. creepy. he apologized and i forgave him and we were chill and it was normal between us. i realize now, that i should have just left him out of my life at that point. but time was running out, so i gave in and asked myself "whats the worst he could do. i’ve known this person for 12 years and the he's part of my friend group" we set up basic rules, how we would pay for stuff, etc. .. we moved in. it seemed fine. then i noticed that he talked A LOT. and he wanted A LOT of attention. after a day of working on my diploma or working at my job, he would assert himself in my room and try to engage in smalltalk. i am not the hermit type. i engaged with him, i joined in on his conversation. but when i was already tired he wouldn't accept "i'm gonna go to sleep". there was always something else he needed to talk about. I was trying to make clear to him that i needed alone time too, but no matter how honest i was, the message either didn't seem to stick, or he'd get upset and start asking me if i hated him. With that, i could have kept up with in the long run. Then he started knocking on my door. even when it was already late and i already told him i was gonna go to sleep. Repeatedly knocking on my door. At some point he just opened the door. It was 1am. I pretended to sleep. I could hear him breathing, it sounded angry. He eventually closed the door. The next morning i confronted him. He argued it away as him trying to warn me that he was going to take a shower, so that i wouldn't use the bathroom. He started commenting on how i wasn't funny enough around him. in that friend group, i'm the funny one :c. but i cant keep up that energy 24/7 (this was supposed to be a home, not a free neverending standup act, for this one guy). that confused him. the next day he asked me if i had depression. My parents had given me a griller/toaster as a parting gift (there’s a backstory for that too but anyways) my flatmate ALSO had that same toaster. He demanded we make up our minds which one to keep. i didn't understand why this was important to him and i hated discussing this useless topic with him so i stored the toaster in my room. He repeatedly suggested i throw mine away (?). One evening i got hungry and decided i'd make myself a toast in my room. So i made some toast. Suddenly he bursts in. And he starts ranting. "why are you doing this are you CRAZY you cant TOAST in your own room thats DANGEROUS you're gonna start a fire, don't ever do that again, we have a KITCHEN for that. why don't you want to use the kitchen you cant just HIDE from me every day, this is OUR flat and i want us to live TOGETHER!" He didn't stop talking and it overwhelmed me, so (this is embarrassing, but) i actually started crying and i turned away from him so i could try to control myself. and he just started babytalking me "awww its alright i didn't mean to scare you, but you see, you shouldn't have done that". he tried putting his arms around me, i told him to stop. "you need a hug right now" ...... i was so angry i think my brain might have short circuited because the next hour was me just acting the whole way through. i told him everything he wanted to hear. i was so sorry for almost burning the house down and made up some explanation that my parents were still making me sad, so i needed distance. The next big thing involved one of my best friends. she wanted to spontaneously go out for an evening. so i put on some pants and of course: HE appears in my room, asking where i'm going. i was surprised by the question and just answered "going out with Lina" he left it at that. then suddenly: "can i come too?" He threw me off with that question. Lina had said she needed some advice on personal stuff, so I said "no" because i didn't have a better answer. he got ANGRY. i explained. "Lina wants some privacy, i'm sorry" He starts arguing that Lina is just as much his best friend, and that he should be allowed to hear what she wants to say to me. Before i can reply he slams his door shut. "Don't even try to explain yourself", he says. I told my friend while meeting up with her and she began with the sympathetic "you should have said yes" and we argued about it and then she came out with this absolutely horrifying sentence: "you know how he is. you cant be *too* honest with him. he's sensitive. you need to lie to him so he doesn't get mad" it was as if i'd been splashed with cold water. i said i didn't agree with that. that that was actually unfair to HIM. nobody likes being lied to and treated less than. she called him, told him i was gonna apologize and he showed up with the angriest expression i ever saw in his face. he accused me of being depressed and that he now has the burden of my mental issues to bear. This he assumed because one night i told him about me dissassociating sometimes a few years ago. Then he wanted me to promise i would never leave him, because he's afraid i won't be able to pay my part of the rent. the crowning moment was my friend Lina mostly agreeing with him and both of them berating me for not having my life together because i still hadn't managed to find an open-ended contract job, only limited-time jobs. at the end he justified himself by saying he cant stand my parents phoning me. (at that point they had started calling me everyday and showed genuine concern ... i was trying to reform a bond with them) - apparently he resented that. he knew about my parents disciplining me with face slaps as a kid (when i was 9-11 yrs old) (they feel bad about it, and they they stopped doing it fairly early) in that moment my flatmate chose to tell me ..... (hoo boy i need to get ready to type this) .... "i'm concerned about you. if your father would ever beat you, i would beat him to a bloody pulp" then he repeated "i would beat him/kill him" a few times, VERY agitatedly. it was scary and at that point i was numb. i didn't really respond, i just said "its fine" or something to that extent. the thing that made me decide to move out (although certainly among many that followed that night) was this: one morning i informed him i was going to visit my parents that weekend. we had started talking again (as i mentioned before and i wanted to meet them without fighting for once). he says "but you're coming back, right". i say "of course don't be so nervous". i go to work. i get a LOT OF texts from him suddenly. i skim through it. he's mad about me calling him "nervous". i don't reply/read bc i am at work. Then he actually CALLS me. i don't pick up. now i'm thinking: What is so important, that he has to call me during work. there's a 4 paragraph essay in my inbox. "watch your mouth", "you have no right to speak that way to me", "you should have more respect". he was mad i called him nervous. i responded that i don't have time to reply. he argued back. at one point i said "if i cant even call you nervous then i'm ACTUALLY gonna stay with my parents" he fiNALLY didn't reply to that. after a 10hour day i come home. i wanna shower. i go to my room, close the door and start undressing myself. of course, there's knocking on my door. i say "No" he flips out. i calmly tell him i'm only half dressed. he flips out even more, says i'm a horrible person who WANTS to fight because my "no" wasn't a good enough answer and i should have explained in full detail why he couldn't get in. he was actually SERIOUS. this was his reasoning for flipping out. he goes away. not even a minute passes by and he hammers his fist against my door again. "OPEN UP THIS TIME I *HAVE* TO COME IN" at this point i'm beginning to get kinda scared so i say "come in" He comes in and says he needs me to disconnect with the wifi because he needs it for his work. i calmly say "ok" and disconnect my wifi. he goes away, leaves the door open. i stand up to go and close my door. HE ACTUALLY GOES AND PULLS AGAINST ME TO TRY TO PRY IT OPEN AGAIN. eventually he lets go and then he flips out FOR REAL. he starts screaming about how i'm a psycho, and that im crazy and awful and he has been nothing but nice and that he "saved" me and i haven't been thankful enough.

.... ..

yes, i was in a difficult position. but that flatmate arrangement was made on even ground. he had wanted to move out from his parents for years. i fled and left. called my parents, but they were miles away and laughed it off. i would have probably too. i called my friends. Lina offered to come and mediate. He continued screaming even with Lina there. It culminated with him roaring at me, pointing at the door saying "if you don't like how i treat you, there's the door, leave right now" with lina replying "don't say that, you NEED her money to pay rent!" it was awful, and an eye-opener. the next day, on the way to work, i decided i was gonna move out. and before i could tell him, i get a message from him (!). An ultimatum. he tells me i have 3 options. 1) leave immediately and take my stuff away within a week. i wouldn't have "pay any more than i've already payed" (it was the first day of that month and i had already payed my rent. nice) 2) stay for half a year, but immediately pay him something so that he knows i'll stay 3) stay indefinitely, but set up a " bevahiour contract" with him, so this "never happens again" i told him i'd take option 1 and then i stayed over at a friends house. then at a friends shared appartement. then at dormitary and soon i'm gonna move in with my younger brother. we've been estranged a bit but grown closer through this whole thing. now Lina and him are still friends and lina blames me for "everyone in our friend group" being mad at him. one of her first concerns, was that her birthday parties are gonna be weird now. i am completely done with her as well and don't want her in my life anymore. according to her, I left him with a rent he cant pay and i should feel bad for that. except i dont. should i though?

#vent #rant

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 4 years

Text

8-1-5 (Sriracha, Part 21.)

Description: A problematic college student gets the worst summer job of the ‘83 - Jim Hopper, the Chief of police in your hometown will have you as his secretary since his old lady Flo has two months lasting holiday. It was agreed so Hopper could keep you far away from all the trouble

Part Summary: There's only one James Hopper, but there are two women who rely on him. Now, it was up to you to find your way to the child Jim found in the woods.

A/N: I hoped that well have some nice fluff time... But you know, I accidentally forgot that Hopper is a dick.

Word count: 3.3 K

Tagging: @nemodoren, @creedslove

Master list: H E R E

You came home really late - your mom sighed as soon as she saw you opening that door. She knew you were very angry with Hopper and getting lost for a whole day without letting her know didn't feel like you at all.

“Do you have any news?” - She asked instead of yelling or being angry with you. You nodded and smiled, taking the jacket off. Immediately, she could tell that you stole him a shirt. - “So he's alright, I presume?”

“Yes. He's fine. He's alright.” - You walked to the counter to pour yourself her lemonade she made that morning.

“Did you talk to him?” - She sat on the chair opposite of you to take your hand in case it didn't go well. But you nodded and smiled, yet it looked like you're not moving back with him any time soon.

“After some yelling and some really nasty words, he made listen. He's having a situation and you know, it's up to me to stick with him.” - You smoothed her hand as well. She nodded but listened to the rest. - “I'll be visiting him on Monday, I'll probably sleep on the couch and then he'll drive me to college.”

There was no need to lie to your mom - her sourness about the relationship wasn't a reason to think that James and you haven't ever slept in one bed. So actually, you sleeping on the couch, those were some hot news.

“Are you sure about all of this, baby?” - She asked after a while of holding your palm. - “I guess that stopping you from being with Hopper doesn't have any sense now, but even though you're a fighter, are you sure you can endure all of that? I'm just... Worried.”

You looked at your mom for a while, slowly putting your hand up to caress her cheek. You knew she was just worried - she was worried about you from the beginning. But could endure that? That was a good question. You had to fight a lot to prove that you're serious about dating Hopper in the first place. For a while, everyone assumed you're just weird or that it's just a phase. Only after two months, people started to believe that maybe you're not joking.

And now, there was a small girl. You loved him, for the love of God and for the wonder of the whole Hawkins, you fell in love with Hopper. Hard. But a child? A girl he appropriated? How shes going to react? What if she refuses to have you around? Would you have to give up?

How on earth could you know an answer to any of those questions?

“We’ll see.” - You told her before hugging her. You just needed your mom to hold you for a while. She smoothed your forehead and smiled with sadness in her face. - “We will see.” - You repeated again and hugged her even tighter.

The other day, when your mom left for her shift at the local post office, you sneaked into her room and took out boxes with your old clothes. You still remembered what Eleven was wearing the day before - the old, baggy and boyish clothes. Mom was hiding a lot of your clothes for your younger cousins and the children of your neighbors - you carefully picked what you liked the most. That could open some doors between you and Eleven, right?

It could make her feel pretty, as she called you yesterday, and like an actual girl. without hesitation, you threw in some soft toys and books. She seemed to enjoy reading and finding words. At least, Jim would have more to read her from. You hid Eleven’s box to the trunk of your car, laying down and watching some TV while doing your homework.

Sunday was pretty boring - you went to visit your grandma, who still hadn't any idea that you had a boyfriend and both you and Aiden got ten bucks from her to buy some sweets. She still thought that you're both five and nothing could make you smile more than her smoothing your cheeks while calling you her sweet little peach. Your grandpa took out his guitar and played some songs with you just a while before you left their house.

The college and your shift at bistro were flying by at the speed of light - on Mondays, the bistro was always full of various students, from the Hawkins middle schoolers to the people you knew from your studies, so there was always something to do and orders to remember. Steve Harrington came by, he always did on Mondays, and this time, he was reading you bits of his essay. It was terrible, but you hadn't got the heart to actually tell him that. And, as always, he left you a pretty generous tip.

By eight o’clock precisely, you had your things packed and the food ready - Ada, your older colleague, was very interested in why you ordered the food, but she just did a long ah as soon as Hopper’s car stopped in front of the bistro. He actually got off the car to help you with all the stuff, taking his hat off as soon as he walked in.

He chattered around with the waitresses who knew him, probably even longer than you did, making a joke here and there, before actually taking at least the food off your hands. Hopper was kind of surprised when you ran to your car and with a giggle, you took out a big, paper box out of your trunk. He was more concerned about your car, though.

“Oh, honey, you should get a ticket for that.” - He mumbled before he took the box off your arms. You laughed back and patted his shoulder. - “I have better ways of paying you a ticket back.” - You snorted and kissed the badge on his shoulder before getting into Blazer.

“Do you?” - Jim asked back playfully while he watched you put your seatbelt on, caressing your thigh playfully.

“When there's time, I can show you, Chief.” - You whispered in his direction, patting his knee playfully. - “But we have more important stuff to do. That box is for Eleven, full of colorful, girly clothes.”

“She will be thrilled.” - Hopper winked at you.

When you stopped near the cabin, Hopper took the box, while you took the rest. Every light in the cabin was turned off and it almost seemed that Eleven’s not there, but after Hopper performed a secret knock, that was after she made sure it's you and Hopper, the door to her room slowly opened.

“You promised eight one five. You're late.” - She told him without looking at you. Hopper took in a deep breath before looking at her. You remained silent, you only put the food on the table and the bad to Hoppers messy room.

“It's eight-fifteen. And we’re running late because Y/N brought you a surprise.” - Hopper patted the box and Eleven curiously looked at it. You watched her coming to the box and she might think about opening it, but she just looked back at Hopper and then at you.

Well, Eleven... She was everything but thrilled. When you gave her the box, you were full of expectations, but she just gave you that long, dull look while she watched you. Hopper went to change into normal clothes and you two were alone for a while.

“What do you say?” - Hopper asked Eleven when you still sat there in silence and watched each other. Eleven looked at Hopper and then at you, piercing your eyes with her gaze. - “Thank you.” - She said and for a second, she actually looked like she means it.

“Y/N brought you some clothes. Wanna try them after dinner?” - Hopper offered her and at the moment, she finally let go and showed some actual excitement. She even smiled and nodded, picking up the box and carried it into her room. Hopper quickly smiled at you before he pulled out two plates to serve the fast-food on. Maybe you weren't doing that bad after all.

Eleven seemed to be more relaxed around you than she was on Friday - she smiled here and there while she listened to Hopper asking about your day, you even thought that one of the smiled was for you. She was watching you more curiously than cautiously, which definitely was a great change. Maybe she finally understood that you weren't a threat.

After the dinner, she helped Hopper with cleaning up the table and washing the dishes. When they were done, Hopper leaned to whisper her something in the ear. She furrowed while she thought about something, but then she nodded with determination, walking directly to you. You almost choked on the Coca Cola you were drinking when she offered you her hand.

“Will you... Help?” - She asked, still being too caught up with every syllable. You shot a quick look to grinning Hopper before accepting her hand. - “Yeah, I'll gladly help you.”

Eleven practically dragged you to her room, closing the door behind. She immediately went ahead and opened up the box... You could see that she's excited.

"I didn't know what you feel comfortable in... So I packed everything. Sweaters, blouses, shirts, t-shirt, shorts, dresses, skirts, a pair of jeans..." - You said quietly while you helped her unpack the box as well, smoothing the hair behind your neck. Eleven looked at you for a while and you could see that she's forming a sentence.

"How do I know?" - She mumbled and you smiled, sitting down on her bed.

"You'll try it on, walk around in it, look at yourself in the mirror. That's how you know." - A quiet whisper came out of your room. - "I have an idea. Do you have a radio here?" - You got up, leaving the room. She pointed at it, nodding. Eleven was obviously a bit upset that you're leaving when you promised her some help, bit you winked and closed the door.

Hopper caught only a glimpse of your back when you disappeared in his room. After a moment, you were running back, holding a tape in your hand. He was sitting in his armchair and watching some series whole you two were making magic in Eleven's room.

Quickly, you put the tape in, Eleven standing a few inches next to you also seemed to be excited. It was the latest mix - including songs from the Police, Nena and Modern Talking. As soon as you heard the first sounds of 99 Luftballons, you gave Eleven another big smile.

She seemed to be mesmerized, completely oblivious to this song. You bopped to it along with your classmates when Hopper left alone and you had the time to roam around Hawkins with them. Russians, Cold War, and Europe were pretty big things amongst young people - and when you heard that Nena tried to empower the people, you bought the tapes immediately, no matter if you bought 99 Luftballons or 99 Red Balloons, letting it play on the loudest volume you could. There were things you wanted to protest against, as the whole Soviet regime, but the students wanted to do all of that peacefully. There was already enough war, enough of pain and enough of death in the world.

"What's that?" - Eleven mumbled, clearly mesmerized by the language. She was a child who was separated for years in the Hawkins lab, you reminded yourself. She couldn't have any idea what was happening in the world, and you wanted to keep that away from her.

"Just a German disco song. Do you like it?" - You smiled and bopped your head in the rhythm of the guitar. Eleven looked really scared of the German, but then she repeated your actions, a smile slowly growing on her lips.

"Right. When we have the right music, can we?" - You rose one of your eyebrows, taking the first pieces of clothing out of the box. You spent with the clothing almost an hour - first, Eleven picked what she liked, what color she gravitated towards and what kind of clothes were sympathetic to her.

Then there was the actual phase of trying the clothes on. Eleven was shy at first, but then she realized what she has to do - and when she did, she changed outfits, tried things out and clearly, you could say that she's having a lot of fun.

Around nine p.m., a knock on the door could be heard. Jim's eyes widened when he saw the messy room and Eleven bopping to Uptown Girl.

"I don't want to interrupt anything, but it's Monday and Magnum starts in five minutes." - Hopper told to Eleven she nodded, picking the clothes from the ground.

"Go. I can clean." - Eleven sent you off and this time, her smile was big and sunny. She really enjoyed the whole evening - and it was the first evening of her life when she did only girly stuff. The living room was already ready for all of you with three cans of Fanta because Eleven preferred it, and a bowl of popcorn.

You sneaked up to Jim, hugging him from behind you were so excited that you barely knew what you were found.

"I think I broke the ice. Nena is working magic." - You whispered, hearing Hopper chuckle.

"Hope you're not with the protesting kids, aren't you?" - He asked back and you just smiled innocently, giving him all the answers he needed. Before Eleven came to the room, Jim sat in his armchair and you took a place on the couch, leaving a place for Eleven between you and Jim.

You were used to watching Magnum with Jim, but Eleven was a brand new thing for you. You thought that she sometimes didn't understand, but sometimes she chuckled. Halfway through the episode, she was already laying on the couch and yawning. When you tugged her in, she actually gave you a scared look before she realized who you were. Hopper hadn't said a word, but she watched your shy actions by which you tried to take care of Eleven. And she accepted them. Shyly, but she did. At the end of the episode, she was obviously done for good.

She was cute when she slept - her eyes were loosely closed, her lips were opened a little bit and the true cuteness was hidden in her curly hair. Hopper carefully carried her to bed with your help and you both tugged her in.

"I think we're making progress." - You told him as soon as you closed the door to her room. - "She barely looked at me on Friday and now... Well... I'm a natural talent with kids."

"You brought her clothes and you're a girl. I think you're already off to a better start than I had with her." - Hopper answered back, chuckling at your thesis. He was swiftly moving through the cabin, cleaning the remnants of Magnum P.I. watching.

"Don't be jealous." - You caught one of the Fantas just as he was picking it up. - "You're the one she looks up to."

"I'm not jealous." - Hopper told you, but you could immediately say that he's lying. And it was acceptable, if not normal - all the time, she had Eleven for himself and now you were there. Yeah, your gender probably helped a lot, but Jim was and he will be her savior. But you knew that look he was giving you. Injustice and hatred. He was feeling threatened.- "Hey. Stop it, immediately. This girl trusts you and believes in you, James Hopper, I'm just being introduced in the second act."

Hopper just scoffed and walked away, putting the cans into the fridge. - "We have our problems and differences, and that's okay and our differences are also personal. Don't blame for trying to find my way to her. She's obviously reaching out for every hand she can grab and when I can offer her one, why wouldn't I?"

"I'm trying, Y/N, I'm trying. But all of this is just too much to take in." - Hopper leaned into the counter, looking away from you, trying to catch his breath. - "I didn't plan to let you in until it's safe."

"And did you thought about who you're protecting? Was it me, you or her? Or were you afraid about not being number one?" - You clapped back. This was dangerously quickly getting into the point where an argument could be easily started. But you didn't want to be so harsh at him since Eleven could wake up at any minute.

"Listen. I know you study psychology and I know you think that you know everythin' about everybody, but that's just smart ass bullshit. But you don't know anythin' about Eleven. You don't know what she has been though, you don't know what she's like or what does she like." - Hopper muttered to you and you just nervously looked away from him.

"So that's what you think about me, don't you?" - You put the can on the counter with too much of a force. - "Well, I can tell you that you're an arrogant asshole who centers everything around himself. You have as much shit as I have on you, Hopper. I don't know Eleven, but you didn't even give me a chance to get to know her yet. Don't try to play this game with me, because we both know that I would win easily."

For a moment, there was silence between the two of you - and you refused to make the first step. No. Jim fucked up - he should be sorry.

"You're the one who always knows how to bring me back on earth." - Hopper opened up his arms when you stared him down with a cold look. You were scary at times, really scary. - "And that's exactly why I need you... And I still hope you need me."

A sigh came out of your lips when you put your hand on his chest with a big smile. - "I love you, big guy. Have I told you that already?"

“Is that a yes?” - Hopper caught your hips in his hands and you circled your arms around his neck. You bit your lower lip, letting out a smile.

“That is a maybe.” - You looked him in the eyes, pulling him in for a kiss. This time, you weren't in a rush and you were sure that Eleven is basically dead, so you could properly enjoy his growing out and the way he tasted. You were lost inside your head without a minute passing by.

“Only... Only a sleepover.” - You mumbled when he leaned his forehead to yours. With a sign of disagreeing, he hummed. - “Or you're driving me home. You choose.”

“A sleepover sounds nice. Will you sleep with me at least?” - Hopper grinned, not being sure about how mad you actually were at him. You were mad, but that could wait until the morning.

“If you won't distract me with fucking, no matter how much I like it.” - You told him, holding out your pinky. You were deadly serious and Hopper only had respect for that. That was why you could calm him down in a matter of seconds. And in the end, he circled his pinky around yours.

#hopper #stranger things #stranger things hopper #stranger things netflix #jim hopper x reader #jim hopper imagine #james jim hopper #james hopper #eleven #eleven stranger things

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nctzendreamz · 4 years

Text

HOMECOMING — PART ll

Prologue / Part l / Part ll / Part lll

Summary: The year is 3030, and the divide between the rich and poor couldn’t be greater. Wildwood University is the most prestigious school in the entire world, but it isn’t only because of the impeccable flying cars that can be seen best during the fuchsia lit nights, or the dexterous education everyone receives. It has secrets. A lot of secrets—the biggest being that Taeyong is going to kill you.

Genre: Gang!AU, Futuristic!AU, Dystopian!AU

Warnings: Vivid descriptions of violence, foul language, drug use, and murder.

“You’re new.” Is the first thing that comes from your lips. You’re observing him—eyes trailing up and down his lanky build. He can’t tell whether you like what you see. It’s obvious you’re not easy to read. You have some form of a wall, and it’s up. “And you’ve met Mackenzie.” You eek, mouth forming into a straight line. She can’t hear you, as her headphones are placed in her ears and she seems to be meditating.

“She said you were nice.” Taeyong mentions.

“Oh, she wasn’t lying.” You chuckle. It’s a cute sound. “She can just get...how do I say—a little boy crazy? I wouldn’t be surprised if you told me she had flirted with you. How long have you been here by the way? I’ve missed a lot of class.”

“Today is my first day, actually. And yeah...I think she likes me already.”

“Let me guess—subtle touches, awful attempts to make you laugh?”

“Exactly.” He finds himself smiling from your easy-going nature. He’s not having to jump through the hoops he imagined, as you don’t see him being the new kid as a bad thing. You both are smiling at eachother, but the moment is interrupted when a rubber airplane hits you on the side of the head.

“Can you guys leave me alone for one second? God!” You yell, and Taeyong can see that it actually pissed you off.

“Johnny’s orders.” One of them says, laughing at your annoyance.

“Is that your boyfriend?” Taeyong asks innocently. Of course he knows the truth, but he needs to seem clueless. This will help build his case.

“Don’t even make me think about that.” You barf, holding your stomach and mouth at the same time. “My brother. The guy who escorted me to class as if I haven’t been doing this forever.”

“Maybe it’s because you haven’t been to class recently.” Now it’s his turn to eek, and he gets you to laugh. You think he’s funny.

To the naked eye, it would seem like Taeyong was fond of you. I mean, he was enjoying such stimulating conversation, but he hates you even more now. He seemingly doesn’t remember that Indigo is still in his system, even though it had slightly worn his silent demeanor away. The floating of the desk is kind of making him sick, but he can’t speak on it.

“I try to just focus on a certain something.”

Did you just read his mind? He knows such technology doesn’t exist, right?

“Fun fact, I threw up on my first day of school. Everyone thought it was the funniest thing they had ever seen, but poor Mr. Eddie.” You’re relieving the memory; he can tell. The way your hand reaches for your chest, scratching a non existent rash tells him that this isn’t a memory you laugh at.

“Mr. Eddie? Is that our professor?”

“The professor.” You emphasize. “You should probably know this before class—

“Goodmorning class.” The voice comes from seemingly everywhere, but no one else looks creeped out, so Taeyong keeps his cool.

“Morning.” You all say in unison.

Suddenly, another door in the room reveals itself. A squeak of metal is making itself known, and everyone is either cringing, or covering their ears.

“Is he a fucking—

“Half man, half robot. A fucking robot. It’s crazy because we should be used to it right? I mean, it’s 3030 there are robot people everywhere.”

“It’s just the principle.” Taeyong decides, but in reality his chest is getting tight. He hadn’t even known about this. I mean, he had seen the little robots that could clean a little, and even project news on the wall if you paid a little extra, but this man is walking.

“Jeez Ed!” One of the players yells. “Late to the lecture, and loud. I think this means no homework.”

Is this how annoying the wealthy were allowed to be? Sweaty, presumably blonde jocks who just can’t be settled?

“You all are going to be very upset with me.” His voice is robotic for sure. Everyone begins to pop around, concerned for their professors well being. “But I’m going to have to cancel class. As you can hear, I need more oil.”

It’s like an explosion has taken off, because everyone minus you, Taeyong, and Mackenzie stand up immediately, fighting to get out of class first. It’s chaotic, and it’s making him anxious all over again. It’s not dramatic—it’s slight, but it feels like it can grow to make him actually explode.

“You three need a place to stay?” Mr. Eddie drys, clearly shocked at your presence.

“This is Taeyong.” You introduce. “And while we both know I would’ve been the first one out of here, someone has to show him around.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it Y/N.” Mackenzie speaks suddenly, taking her headphones out. “I’m sure you want to go see Kun anyway. He’s back, right?”

Kun? Who the hell was Kun?

“Kun?” Taeyong questions with a head tilt. “Is that your boyfriend?”

Your hand finds home on your earlobe, and it’s rubbing it softly. There is a smile on your face, but it’s extremely quiet and sad. Whoever Kun is to you, you love him—or at the least care about him. But at the same time, things aren’t peachy.

“No.” Is all you say, slapping your hand to your leg. “Enough about me though!” Your bright nature has returned, and it’s almost weird. He must be your ex, and where was he? Why did he leave and come back? “I have to show you around! I also need to meet your roommate and tell them if they try to hurt you it’ll be their head.”

That’s ironic, he thinks to himself. So badly does he want to laugh something evil because you’re so stupid and clueless, but he contains himself.

“What about me?” Mackenzie is pouting now, arms covering her chest. Does she really thinks that’ll work? I mean, it was quite pathetic.

“You know I love you, right?” Your tone is soft as you speak to her, hands on her shoulder. Your eyes must be as beautiful as he predicted, because her aggressive stance is loosening by the second.

“Of course I do.” She spills.

“Then I know you remember that you have a terrifying essay to write for literature, and that you don’t need to be out all day. Plus, weren’t you trying to go to the race tomorrow?”

“It was in my plans.”

“Then finish your essay tonight. Then, all the boys can see you looking good with the LED lights shining all over you...doesn’t that sound perfect?” You’re painting the picture with your hands, the both of you looking into space.

“You’re right!” She squeals, jumping up at the thought.” “You’ll be there too, right Lee?”

He looks at you for a quick moment, realizing he never told you his “name”. You seem to process it for a moment before looking at him for a response.

“I mean...I can’t make any promises. I’m not the going out type.”

“But I’ll be there. And when I’m somewhere, it matters.”

His ears were bleeding. He just knew it. “Right.” He whispers, trying his best to not sound awkward.

He should have said no when you offered to show him around. His current feelings were nothing short of introverted, and the farther the two of you walked, the more hot he became.

“I’m sure you’re used to seeing stuff like this.”

Oddly, you don’t seem tired. You had practically shown him the entire East section of the campus, and even he—the cold blooded murderer needed some water.

“Oh yeah.” He says dryly. “You know how it is in Valhalla. There are things everywhere. Blazing lights, fresh air...”

“Exactly.” You smile.

He had to admit, your smile made him feel safe. He still needed to go through with his mission, but it’s nice to know you won’t be annoying him the whole time he’s getting you to trust him. You’re easy going, and he’s already in the friendzone. He just needs to get farther.

There’s a kid coming by fast on his hoverboard, but you’re too busy looking at your watch to even hear the skrting of the device. With a swiftness, Taeyong takes your elbow and back into his hands, and he moves you to the other side.

“Shit.” You breathe out, hand on your chest now. You’re ashamed. “I’m so sorry. I promise I’m not usually this clumsy—well that’s not true, but none the less I—

“It’s okay.” He chuckles, letting his hand slide from your shoulder all the way down to your hand. He squeezes it lightly, and the look in his eyes are swallowing you. “It happens to the best of us.”

And now the two of you are having a stare down. He can see how genuine you are. The way your eyes soften the more time that passes proves this, and Taeyong is mocking your actions. In the pit of his stomach he can feel something, and he reads it to be disgust. God, you seemed like a nice person, but wasn’t this a waste of time? To do all of this and make you think he actually cares?

“Right.” You finally speak, looking at the first tree that appeared in your vision. “Anyways, we should probably go to your room now. Have you been in it at all?”

This must be how you deal with problems—moving on without a second thought. You didn’t like to think about your feelings, but at the same time didn’t that mean you were in touch with your emotions?

“It was my first stop.” He admits. He had heard about the people whos only job was to move people in and out, all for free, but with the belongings he had in his bag, that obviously wasn’t an option for him.

It took his breath away, although everything at Wildwood did. Back in the day, college dorm rooms were tight-knit, with squeezed beds and insects crawling somewhere unless you went to a top school. His room consisted of two king sized beds, and they gave him the option to make it a water bed.

He had already spent his morning hiding everything, so you wanting to come inside was no big deal. As you two journey up the hologram escalator, he noticed you were looking into space even though you should be looking at all the scenery.

“Something on your mind?”

His voice is soft when he speaks to you, and he decides in this moment that he’ll keep it that way. It seems to make you more comfortable, and comfortable means you’ll start talking; trusting.

“Too many things.” You chuckle. Now your eyes are closed, and you seem to be soaking in the good weather as if it’s the only thing good from your day. “No need to burden you with it.”

“It’s not a burden. There’s nothing worse than having no one to go to.”

“Then tell me a little bit about you, newbie.” The two of you reach the top—another door that leads to his complex. Unfortunately, they do separate these things by gender even in 3030.

Taeyong is looking for a key to his room; stopping himself as he realizes he’s not in NEO anymore. All he needs is his thumb. “Nothing much to know.” He keeps it short. “I’m just a regular, rich guy.” His tone is sarcastic, but instead of being skeptical, you laugh.

“Are you always this funny?”

That was the first time other than Mackenzie that someone had appreciated his sarcastic humor. As deppresing as it sounded and was, there weren’t a lot of jokes to be made in NEO. I mean, he usually was completely intoxicated, not wanting to laugh unless he was taking someone’s life. He’s surprised such a sentence could form from him, especially in a place he was dreading so much.

“Nope, just around nice people like you.”

He hates every second of this. He was never one to be in the mood for love, only death, blood, and darkness. He had his fair share of steamy nights in the alley ways with the street whores, but he never cared about them. He never would care about anyone but his brothers, truthfully.

He can’t tell if you’re a mess because he’s not facing you. He’s focused on his print before the door clicks, and the two of you step in.

Whoever his roommate is, he’s here. The room that Taeyong walked into this morning was empty, but this room was now full of boxes and an outfit on the bed. You’re looking around just as he is, except he’s searching to make sure his belongings are still in place. They seem to be. The pathetic rich boys who went here weren’t capable of putting something back so perfectly, so he lets his guard down.

“Well, this is it.” He motions all around the room, appreciating his own effort to keep his side spotless.

“I always wondered what it would be like to live in a dorm.” You sigh.

“You don’t live in one?”

“My dad is kind of....the president of the university. And per his rules, his kids have to stay with him.”

So you still live with your parents? Not odd, but at the same time why would he be trying to keep you around. The buisness, he remembers. It was never specified what it was. Drugs had crossed Taeyong’s mind, but at the same time, so did paper, and loans. But now that he considered it, your father must have business with bad people, meaning others could be out to get you. I mean, he was. No no, Taeyong. That’s too much of a stretch, and even so, she does live at home, which means the mission isn’t compromised.

“At least he cares about you.”

“I guess.” You take a deep breath, and he can’t miss the way you hault.

“What’s wrong?”

“That scent...I know it.” Now you’re looking all around the room at his mates side, touching his things frantically.

“Y/N, who is it? Did they do something to you?”

The door opens—so cliché. On the other side is a built man sporting a tank top and sweatpants. His hair seems to be black—but it could also be blue. His face is serious as he walks in, but the minute he locks eyes with you, they soften. It was the same thing you had done to him not too long ago. His lips are trying to find the proper words say to you, but instead he just stands there. You’re frozen in place—hands locked on one of his clothing items.

Kun. This had to be Kun.

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meta-squash · 3 years

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Your ADHD procrastination post has really stroke a nerve with me. I've had the same issue for years, but thought it's normal for everyone. Since about a year or so, I've been wondering if I may have an undiagnosed ADHD along diagnosed conditions. If it's not too personal, how else ADHD manifests in you? I hope it's okay to ask. I love hearing women's stories about ADHD because they are much different than the stereotypical image of it...

It’s not too personal! (FYI I go by they/them pronouns, but I am afab; it’s all good though!) Also, this got VERY long, I’m sorry! I’m verbose and have a lot to say, apparently.

So I personally have a weird relationship with ADHD. I was diagnosed with it (or some sort of attention deficit thing) when I was in like 3rd or 4th grade. I was briefly medicated but I think I was on Ritalin (I forget) and my child body couldn’t handle it; I was a zombie during the day and then when it wore off at night I was Evil and freaked out and wanted to fight everything. So I went off it pretty quick and didn’t get medicated after, presumably because my parents thought my ADHD wasn’t bad enough.

The reason they probably thought that is because my brother has Really Bad ADHD. Like, all the classic stereotypical symptoms and characteristics to the extreme: never shuts the fuck up, really damn loud all the time, extremely high energy, can learn pretty much anything in about 5 seconds but can’t actually hang on to an interest really (now that he’s an adult he can, but not as a kid), can’t sit still or pay attention in class, doesn’t finish homework, etc etc. I was able to mask mine and function enough to get through school just riding pretty much on my humanities grades alone. It sucked a lot but I somehow did it. I had an IEP (Individual Education Plan, which is a US school thing for kids with learning disabilities and such that allows for accommodations and assistance in school) but it didn’t do much except I think give me extra time on math tests because of my dyscalculia (I was in Special Ed Math my whole grade school career). My mother is an OT but I also think that (as you said) ADHD in afab people often manifests differently than in amab people, so I guess my parents just didn’t know what to look for and that’s why I never really got the same help as my brother.

I like to jokingly categorize ADHD into two distinct but overlapping types: Fast ADHD and Mush Brain ADHD. Fast ADHD (in my opinion; this may vary from person to person) is the classic stereotype symptoms. Fast ADHD’s focus problem is too much happening all at once. Lots of thoughts and ideas flying by and you get distracted mid-thought with another thought, or your train of thought gets really crazy but is super fast so your reply to someone’s comment might not make much sense to anyone else because they weren’t privy to your brain’s journey, or you go down a focus worm-hole and sit and do One Thing all day and forget to surface for things like food/water/bathroom. Fast ADHD has more energy (though when paired with depression that usually manifests as restlessness or anxiety) and is quicker to pick up new things. Mush Brain ADHD is kind of the opposite. Thoughts take longer, or you think of something and then it almost immediately disappears (for example, scrolling a website, seeing something that you want to google, you scroll for like 5 more seconds and think “wait, I completely forget what I was going to look up”). With Mush Brain ADHD it’s harder to have conversations because thought-to-mouth time is slower, rather than (with Fast Brain) lots of stuff is going on up there. Mush Brain often feels like, well, mush and like you can’t really form thoughts very well if you want to do stuff. It’s like you’re trying to focus on thinking a thought but it just slides away. Another way I’d describe it is having thoughts but it’s like they’re on a blackboard and they’re being erased as you think them, so they end up mostly smears. Obviously, this is just based on my own experiences as a Mush Brain ADHD person while my brother has Fast Brain ADHD, so this might be different for other people.

Both have lots of overlaps: executive dysfunction (that’s the big one), insomnia, auditory processing problems, hyperfixation (which is not a bad thing! I love my hyperfixations! They’re fun!), absolutely crap organizational skills, constantly losing things, really bad perception of time, detachment from the world (like you drift off into your own daydream, or things feel distant, but not quite the same as depersonalization/dissociating), difficulty making choices, sensory processing disorder, crap abilities with money, rejection sensitive dysphoria, and often comorbid mental illnesses like depression, OCD, anxiety, dyscalculia/dyslexia, etc.

Oh, and a lot of ADHD characteristics also overlap with depression characteristics (and a lot of people with ADHD have comorbid depression, so it really doesn’t help).

But I can tell you about my own experiences with some of these.

The Big One which is basically what that schrodingers motivation post is about, is executive dysfunction. People also call it procrastination (it only kind of is) or inertia. Basically, executive dysfunction is where the difficulty lies in starting the task. You want to do something, but you just can’t get going to do it. You get sort of paralyzed. It even happens with things you like. For example, when I made that post, there was a short (just over 100 pgs) book I wanted to read before the end of the day. It’s a good book! It’s on my reading list! I want to read it! But I just sat on my computer and watched dumb youtube videos because that’s what I was already doing and executive dysfunction makes starting tasks really hard. This happens to me a lot. It can happen with reading a book, or getting up to go to the store and buy groceries, or making a meal, or watching a movie. The movie-watching one happens to me a lot. Basically it’s the brain struggling to switch tasks; you’re scrolling tumblr, and that’s what your brain is focused on, and it doesn’t know how to switch from doing that to doing your bio homework or folding the laundry or whatever the task may be. This happens with “bigger” or more complex tasks too, like starting an art project or starting a new book, because your brain has to figure out all the components of that task (I need these items for my project and this amount of time and I need to use them in this order) which is overwhelming, or it needs to comprehend how “big” the task is (how much time/concentration should I try and commit to in order to read this book) which is sometimes hard to gauge. Oh, also this can happen if you’re interrupted in the middle of a task, whether it’s to do another thing or just to answer a question or something; it’s hard to get back to it because it’s another kind of switching tasks. Aside from the blackboard-being-wiped-thoughts, this is my biggest ADHD problem. I can go more into how I dealt with executive dysfunction in college and now if you want!

Auditory processing issues is another thing that I deal with, although to a lesser extent than some people. It just means it’s harder for your brain to process sounds/talking. Part of this, for me, is because if someone is talking to me but there’s other noises (music, other conversations, general loudish ambiance) going on around us, my brain treats them all as equally important and I can’t focus in on the person talking. Another part for me is in my experience I seem to process conversation different from explanation. If I’m talking back and forth with someone about something and it’s not terribly important, I’m fine. If they’re trying to explain something to me, give me instructions, or read a passage of text to me, it just does not stick in my brain. If I’m helping my best friend with her grad school applications, I have to read the sentence she’s asking me check, I can’t have her read it to me. If she does read it to me, I’ve realized that I try to imagine the words as text in my head so I comprehend it better (it doesn’t always work). Auditory processing issues means that a lot of my conversations in public with people who are not my close friends (and therefore easier to pick out from the noise because familiar and/or easier to predict because familiar) are filled with a lot of me going “what?” Retail conversations with customers are slightly easier because there’s at least a mild “script” that they’ll stick to, usually.

Another one I experience is organizational problems. This one was bad enough that I actually went to a tutor-like thing to help me with it for most of grade school. Basically, I had no ability to organize tasks like doing homework or other activities, so things would get forgotten/lost/never even written in the calendar/etc. I couldn’t do projects because I couldn’t (and still kinda can’t) organize far enough into the future. I didn’t know how to break the project down across multiple days or weeks and make it manageable without totally forgetting pieces of it. I’d forget to write down homework when the teacher wrote it on the board, or I’d write it down but forget to do it. Or I’d do it but misplace it or leave it at home. My perception of time was also really crap; I couldn’t read an analogue clock until I was in maybe 6th grade? Even now I sometimes have trouble. It was hard to know how much time I had to allot to certain projects because I didn’t really have good perception of how hours fit in the day and how much time until homework is due and stuff. (Which meant lots of finishing things in class minutes before I had to turn it in and stuff. Once in uni I completely forgot to do an Entire Essay; luckily it wasn’t a class I needed to graduate.)

Along with this is losing EVERYTHING. I misplace things CONSTANTLY. I’ll put something that’s in my hand down to get a cup of tea or something, or even just to like, move a blanket, and I’ll forget where I put it. I’ve solved this problem with Important Things (wallet, phone, and keys always go next to my bed, for example, and rarely move from there if they’re not in my pocket. All important papers go in my Important Papers Folder as soon as soon as possible) but I lose regular stuff all the time. I’ll be working on an art project, I’ll put my glue stick down to reach for a piece of paper, and lose the glue stick in the time it takes to pull the paper towards me. The other day I was brushing my teeth and I put the toothbrush cover down to say hello to the cat and forgot where I had put it down once I had followed her to the next room. When things have a Place it’s easier, but I’ve learned to live with going “Where the FUCK did I put this thing? I had it a second ago!” at least once a day.

The “Mush” in “Mush Brain” is another big one for me. I don’t know if this has, like, a name? Or anything? It’s just what I call it. The best description for it would either be that blackboard description from above, or like you’re struggling to get to a thought through a lot of mud. Oftentimes I’ll have a sort of concept of a thought but not something full, and I know it’s there, but I can’t get to it. This is really apparent when I’m trying to remember a synonym for something, or trying to elaborate on certain concepts or pull ideas from texts. It doesn’t happen all the time. I was an English lit major in uni, so this affected me a lot back then. It’s sort of a similar feeling to reading the same sentence over and over and not registering the words, except it’s in your own brain instead. This kind of goes away for me when I’m writing/typing. Writing this out is easy (minus me forgetting the word executive dysfunction for like 5 minutes) but if you were asking me to explain this aloud I would struggle, probably. This is probably because I can stare at what I’ve written to see what’s missing or edit my thoughts, which I can’t do while I’m speaking, and also can’t do to other people’s interactions with me.

Just a general inability to focus is also one I struggle with. It goes with the “mush brain” to an extent but I think it’s different. It’s more like my brain doesn’t want to, well, focus on anything. If I’m just messing around on my laptop, that means I end up clicking back and forth between tabs endlessly because nothing is holding my interest. If I’m trying to read or do anything “intellectual” or “academic” it means I just can’t get myself to read or I can’t keep my thoughts on what I’m trying to write no matter how hard I try. Nothing holds my interest for long enough, it’s like brain restlessness. I try and concentrate on doing something, watching something, reading something, and my brain just slides away from it.

Rejection sensitive dysphoria is something I experience on a more minor level. It’s something that also overlaps with anxiety and depression. Basically, it’s a really intense emotional reaction to (perceived) rejection. For example, if my best friend says something to me with a certain tone or gets mad at me for doing something minor, my brain just goes “She hates you! She doesn’t want to be friends with you! You should isolate in your room and never speak to anyone again because you’re so annoying and terrible!” I know that’s mostly incorrect (although I also know I’m quite annoying and that’s another ADHD characteristic; knowing you’re annoying someone in some way and having no idea how to stop) so I can fight it but sometimes I do end up holing up in my room for a little bit. Things like criticism (whether towards you or towards, like, an essay or something) can also trigger this reaction. So can things like having an expectation that you’ll be good at something, and then failing at it or just not being as good as you’d hoped. (I developed a sort of defense mechanism for this one of never expecting to be good at things and never expect higher than a C in a class.) It also can come with a sense of feeling inferior around people doing similar things. It happens to me a lot here on tumblr, actually, because I’ll write a meta about something, and then read someone else’s good meta on the same thing, and feel like I’m an idiot and they’re really smart and nothing that I wrote was insightful or good. It happened to me in uni a lot too. It also happens to me kind of...secondhand, now. What I mean is, my best friend/roommate is extremely smart. Like genuinely one of the smartest people I know and an incredible thinker, straight A’s at uni in a degree she created, etc. She still gets imposter syndrome herself and feels like she’s not smart, and when she says she’s not smart, I feel bad for her but I also feel really terrible about myself, because if she thinks she’s stupid, then what am I? But again, it’s an overreaction to perceived rejection. It still sucks though.

There’s some evidence that ADHD comes with a whacked out sleep schedule. And not just insomnia (although that too, I know this because it’s 7am and I haven’t slept yet lol), but also Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder. Which basically means that most people’s circadian rhythms start slowing down so they’ll go to sleep around like 11pm-1am-ish, give or take. ADHD circadian rhythms are shifted so often we start getting tired around 3am or even 4 or 5am. (This is different from insomnia, btw, with DSPD you can fall asleep fairly easily, you just get tired later in the night; with insomnia it’s an inability to or difficulty in falling asleep quickly.) I always thought I’d just gotten my dad’s night owl genes, but it’s more likely that it’s the ADHD. I also have at least mild insomnia and it takes me a million years to fall asleep a lot of the time.

Hyperfixations are the Fun part of having ADHD (in my opinion). They can get in the way sometimes but they’re also really comforting and nice. Hyperfixations happen when you find an interest and it’s basically all you want to think or talk about, and you relate to the world through it, and you want to learn everything about it. It’s also a characteristic of autism. I’m not autistic, so I don’t know if there are major differences between ADHD hyperfixation experiences and autism ones. Anyway, often hyperfixations stick with you for a good amount of time, depending on the strength, and then you might find something else to focus on. Some of my hyperfixations have lasted a few months, some up to 4 years. A lot of ADHD people rotate through the same or similar ones. For example, a hyperfixation I had back in 2011-2014/15ish was Les Miserables. I then found a different thing to hyperfixate on. This past year I have returned to Les Mis. Hyperfixations are usually pretty cool, because it’s usually something you really like and enjoy learning about or doing and it’s kind of like the thing your brain would rather be doing/focusing on.

Personally, I’ve lived so long without ADHD medication that I’m fairly functional without it just due to coming up with personal adaptations and stuff. The thing that I have the hardest time with/that upsets me the most is the Mush Brain part, which also gets worse when my depression gets worse. I really would love to have clear, quick thoughts whenever I want. It’s frustrating to hold a conversation or try to write creatively and quickly when it takes forever for thoughts to fully crystallize in my brain and then come out my mouth or fingers. Right now I don’t have very good health insurance (all blame to covid layoffs) so I can’t really do the meds thing but I often wish I could. My ADHD is definitely not as intense or severe as some people’s. I have friends, and also my brother, who struggle a lot more than I do, and with different things

Holy hell this was so long. Feel free to message me if you have any questions! Or if you want me to elaborate on some of the things I do to deal with stuff.

#asks #squash rambles #wow i'm so sorry #as an adhd person i know that is a lot of text to read #i'm too verbose for my own disorder lol #seronility #adhd

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