#faith of YAH brain

[faithofyahyah]

it's alll about YAH. halleluYAH halleluYAH

#YAH #YAHYAH #YAHusha #halleluYAH #todahYAH #faith of YAH brain

[iknowyuu]

alone on christmas day

kdrama! sieun x reader

// reader (and friends) accompany a lonely sieun on christmas.

tags: lonely sieun, mentions of feeling unlovable, sieun being an anti-romantic (kinda?), mentions of a bad parental relationship, sieun made friends without literally risking his life multiple times AU

note: i thought of this while listening to my goofy-ass christmas playlist LMFAOOOO, underneath the tree came on and i had to restrain myself from busting a move. anyway happy holidays <3333

♡

sieun woke up like every other morning, not phased by the knowledge that there was no school today. in fact, for once, he was glad- it was incredibly cold, as showcased by the snow outside his window.

he got out of bed and did his usual routine, brushing his teeth and having a nutritional meal before prepping his desk to start another long, long day of studies. it would’ve been the same as any other day, except, nowadays he’s more prone to checking his phone (during breaks, of course) more than he ever really does.

he picks up his phone, opening his messages to find several text messages from his friends: sooho, youngyi, and you.

his mouth twitches at your text, almost turning into a small smile, but he can’t help but feel unbelieving at your words. he’s used to disappointment.

the more he studied, the more he was reminded of his loneliness- when he was watching youtube, christmas themed ads would pop up, showcasing happy families spending time together, advertising their family fried chicken meals. his workbooks would use winter-themed examples, and, he would catch himself thinking about how the red of his journal cover reminded him of candy canes. he gradually felt hungry, but not for chicken. the few times his brain would let him show vulnerability, it showcased how completely starving he was for love. platonic or not. he hated that a tiny piece of his soul would not give up along with the rest of him.

hours went by and he eventually forgot about your message, not bothering to check his phone or take breaks, getting entranced and pulled into his work. that was what made him all the more jumpier when he heard a very sudden and loud knock at the door.

hours went by and he eventually forgot about your message, not bothering to check his phone or take breaks, getting entranced and pulled into his work. that was what made him all the more jumpier when he heard a very sudden and loud knock at the door.

as he approached the door, he heard multiple voices behind it, and he grew suspicious. he hoped it was his friends, but at the same time didn't want to put faith into something that could disappoint him as easily as his parents do.

“-said that you should buy one family pack! why’d you buy so many? who has the stomach to eat three?” one voice exclaimed. “i do! i could eat ten meals! why do you always complai-“ the second voice was cut off by a third one, “both of you shut up!! we’re supposed to be surprising him, not making sure he hears us from kilometers away!”

sieun peaked through the peephole to be met with blackness. the person- or people- were blocking the tiny circular hole. unlocking the door slowly, he opened it to be met with three familiar faces.

“surprise!!” they cheered in unison. he didn’t say anything. they didn’t say anything.

finally, the tallest boy spoke up, “yah, let us in, i don’t wanna smell like friend chicken.” sooho pushed past him with three boxes in his arms, and sieun could only stare as youngyi greeted him with a "what's up?", giving him a quick shoulder pat and following close behind sooho. lastly, you stood at the door smiling at sieun. “are you surprised!? well, probably not since i literally told you i was coming, but you didn’t expect this, right? we even brought decorations so we can-“ you stopped talking when you noticed sieun’s face. he was frowning, tears building up in his eyes before they spilt, running down his cheek. stepping inside and closing the door behind you, your heart dropped to your stomach at his display of emotions.

“sieun? what’s wrong? is it ‘cause of us?” you spoke, ignoring the lighthearted argument sooho and youngyi were having about how to hang up the christmas lights in the background. he shook his head and wiped his face with his sleeves before speaking. “just.. thank you.” he couldn’t meet your eyes as you smiled at him, engulfing him in a hug, placing your head in the crook of his neck. “of couuuurse sieun.” your heart almost exploded when you felt the way he placed his arms around you, carefully hovering just above your touch.

“yahh, stop flirting you two!” youngyi called out to you both, waving you over. “we’re about to eat!”

-

the four of you were now watching a christmas movie, the now empty boxes of fried chicken long forgotten. the lights were off (except for the red and green fairy lights strung about the room) and blankets you’d brought from home were strewn about. sooho sat on the couch, youngyi laying down with her head on the opposite armrest, her legs on his lap. the two of them seemed to have fallen asleep a while ago, their soft snores filling the room along with the noise of the television. you and sieun sat next to each other in front of the couch, sharing a blanket. you originally didn’t know whether to keep your distance from him- you tried to clench your thighs close together to keep from his legs touching yours, but as time went by, you became less and less hyperaware, and now freely relaxed your legs, your arms and legs making comfortable contact with each other.

“hey, sieun,” you whispered, not taking your eyes off the screen. he turned his head toward you, as if to say “hm?”, “i hope you had fun with us,” you said, “im sorry if we intruded or anything. i just didn’t want you to be alone on christmas.. we all care about you a lot, so don’t ever hesitate to ask us if you need company. i-" you paused, correcting yourself, "we love you a lot.” he kept quiet for a few seconds before responding. “thank you, [name].” your heart melted at the way he said your name with such gentleness.

you didn’t say anything, your emotions clouding your previously clear head. you slowly moved your arm, squeezing in between his arm and torso before he moved it upwards curiously, before wrapping your arm around his. you didn’t stop there, leaning your head onto his shoulder.

“is this.. is this okay?” you spoke so quietly you thought you might have to repeat yourself. but you didn’t, he heard you loud and clear. “yes,” he mumbled in response. your stomach burst with butterflies, and a smile creeped onto your face. “okay,” you said, moving your forearm to find his hand, grabbing and intertwining his fingers with yours.

in that moment, sieun felt his body heat up with your warmth, your action sending waves of butterflies in his stomach. he felt foolish for what he’d thought earlier, that love was not meant for him. in this moment, he could feel your love, and he knew it wasn’t for anyone but him.

♡

taglist: @brxght-world @karyuliee @kkaesslovr

#idk what it is about christmas songs but i literally go feral for them 😭 #anyway lets thank kelly clarkson for this fic<3 #kdrama x reader #sieun yeon x reader #weak hero class one x reader #sieun yeon imagines #weak hero class 1 x reader #sieun x reader #kdrama!sieun x reader #kikisficz

[ragnarssons]

idk if is the ones who did the game that don't know how science work or if we are supposed to think the fireflies are callous and ignorant of it, but killing Ellie would be stupid in terms of studying a cure, even if they don't have ethic and moral qualms, they should do every test possible with her alive. even if the supposed cure is in her brain, the chance of it helping after dead would be minimal.

THIS ASK AND THE ANSWER FOLLOWING CONTAIN SPOILERS FROM THE GAME: VIEWERS OF THE SHOW SCROLL OVER OR PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK OF BEING SPOILED I had written a whole ass rant with this ask but then TUMBLR decided to be stupid and do some shit and now I'm done so. Yes, you're right anon. Actually, through the whole first game as Joel you find several pages of researches from the Fireflies, PROVING to you that their researches are bullshit and that they already had SEVERAL opportunities to do researches on immune children... that all died. Yup, they killed dozens of kids but I mean, they're the sweet baby angels saving the world. *side eyes at TLOU2* To me, it always seemed in the first game, that there were points, obvious points that you were picking up, showing you that The Fireflies, were basically delulu people with a God Complex bigger than their big fat heads, justifying the murder of children behind a "we will save the world/we will find a cuuuure" promise that never went anywhere. That was the complexity of the first game, how neither The Fireflies nor Joel were completely right, nor wrong. How neither of them completely doomed the world, neither of them was here to save it and that's it. That was it, how ultimately, the narrative brought you back to the small bottled, HUMAN, relationship of Joel and Ellie. Because at the end of the day, do you save a world that's been doomed for 20 years? How do you do that when it's gone to shit so hard? And maybe you can't save humanity when you've lost touch with it so much, that you justify murdering children to "get a cure" that you haven't found in years and years of "research" because you keep repeating the same mistakes (ie: literally killing your subjects). And you know, the show kinda touches upon that, but not enough, to me. I mean, we spent the whole beginning of the show, with scientists and experts of fungus infections with (at the time) the last of the last scientifical equipments possible, telling us that there is no cure. But The Fireflies in their mom's basement will find a cure? Yah. Ok. It always seemed so stupid to me and odd that they killed kids like that, "unique" immune children and went back to "welp let's hope we'll find another one! *shrugs*" once they failed, that it was OBVIOUS that The Fireflies were wrong and really not the good moral choice when it came to Ellie's future (and bigger than that, the world's future). Literally I'm rewatching The Mandalorian, and even The Empire doesn't kill Grogu because they want to experiment on him. We live in a society where The Empire from Star Wars is better at science than the freaking "saviors of the universe" Fireflies. But then TLOU2 happened, retconning once again the story, with all and mighty Abby having so much faith in her father that it twists the narrative and the gamers' perception, and everyone ended up being like "Joel doomed the wooooorld"-... when nope. Not at all. If you end TLOU1 with idk, average 5% faith in The Fireflies finding a cure, then you're a hardcore believer. But TLOU2 completely erases that complexity, because it erases the grey morality of what The Fireflies were doing, putting all faults on Joel saving Ellie, and that's it (because even Ellie blames Joel). Did I already say that I hate TLOU2? For so many reasons.

#answered #anonymous #tlou spoilers #tlou2 spoilers #anti tlou2

[mariacallous]

The Guardian's This Week in Patriarchy from Arwa Mahdawi

What are God’s preferred pronouns?

The woke agenda spares no one, not even God. The revelation that the Church of England is considering gender-neutral ways to refer to God has caused quite a ruckus this week; very predictably all the usual suspects have been foaming at the mouth about wokeness gone mad. Nigel Farage (AKA Mr Brexit), for example, even suggested that you might as well shut down the Church of England if they’re going to go all trendy and politically correct.

Steady on, Nigel! God isn’t coming out as non-binary anytime soon. The Church of England is considering moving away from referring to God as “He”. What does that mean? It means they’re going to launch a commission investigating the matter and, if they did decide to make changes, those changes would have to be approved by synod, the Church’s decision-making body. Maybe, once all that’s done, they might develop “more inclusive language” but, as of yet, there are no specifics as to what that language might be. Not all that sensational when you dive into the details, is it? But people like Farage don’t tend to be too fond of details.

While the idea that God might stop being described as “He” has generated a lot of headlines there’s plenty of precedent for gender-neutral religious language. “As truly as God is our Father, so just as truly is He our Mother,” Julian of Norwich said in the 14th century. As a spokesperson for the Church of England said: “This is nothing new. Christians have recognized since ancient times that God is neither male nor female, yet the variety of ways of addressing and describing God found in scripture has not always been reflected in our worship.”

As an atheist I don’t have particularly strong opinions about God’s preferred pronouns. However, I do have strong opinions about how language shapes the way we see our world. And the conversation that the Church of England has sparked reveals a lot about how gendered language reinforces stereotypes. “Given that people of faith think of God as another way of talking about ultimate reality, the gendered nature of God language could easily be a way of projecting male superiority in the very nature of things,” Giles Fraser muses in UnHerd. Yah think?

You can see that superiority complex in comments by the Rev Dr Ian Paul, who thinks God should remain a He. “The fact that God is called ‘Father’ can’t be substituted by ‘Mother’ without changing meaning, nor can it be gender-neutralized to ‘Parent’ without loss of meaning,” Paul told the Telegraph. “Fathers and mothers are not interchangeable but relate to their offspring in different ways.”

There’s a lot to be unpicked in that last sentence. Do mums and dads really relate to their kids in different ways? It’s hard to say definitively because there isn’t actually a lot of research on non-maternal caregivers. Until the 1970s hardly anyone even bothered to study the role of fathers in children’s development – it was just assumed that dads made the money, and mums did the nurturing. Emerging evidence, however, suggests that parenting roles are flexible. When dads are the primary caregivers, their brains adjust and show similar patterns to those seen in mothers, one study shows. Fathers and mothers are a lot more interchangeable than some people might think. And yet Paul seems to be suggesting that God could simply never be a “mother”. Why is that, I wonder?

Anyway, I think there’s an easy way to settle this thing. God can tell us about Their pronouns themselves. I hear They are quite powerful after all.

Idaho wants to criminalize ‘trafficking of minors’ to receive abortions

Consider this scenario: your 17-year-old niece desperately wants you to drive her out of Idaho (where abortion is banned) to get a legal abortion. She doesn’t want her extremely anti-abortion parents to know. If you help your niece then some lawmakers want to throw you in jail and call you a human trafficker. A new bill, introduced by Republican Barbara Ehardt, would add the act of transporting, recruiting or harboring minors to seek an abortion to Idaho’s criminal human trafficking law. Just another day in the increasingly dystopian US!

Rightwing media are freaking out about new AP Stylebook guidance on abortion

The Associated Press suggests not using the incendiary and pseudoscience-drenched terms the right has invented (eg “partial-birth abortion”) and the right are very annoyed indeed.

The unacceptable look on Madonna’s face

If you’re going to read one thing about the furore around Madonna’s new look (and about 10m things have been published) then make it this Washington Post piece by Monica Hesse. “Madonna’s face forced her uneasy audience to think about the factors and decisions behind it: ageism, sexism, self-doubt, beauty myths, cultural relevance, hopeful reinvention, work, work, work, work … One of the most famous women on the planet and still the anti-aging industrial complex got under her skin.”

Is computer-generated intimacy the future of film?

In Netflix romcom You People the two leads smooch at the end but it turns out that smooch is computer-generated. “Is the future of intimacy in Hollywood going to be deepfaked sex scenes?” Stuart Heritage asks in the Guardian. “Will actors need to seek out specific contractual clauses promising them that they won’t be turned into a horny avatar in post production?”

Toxic masculinity fuels dangerous driving like drink, French advert says

In France, 78% of those killed in road accidents in 2022 were men – a number that goes up to 88% when you look at drivers aged 18–24. Eighty-four per cent of people suspected of causing road accidents were men; 93% of drunk drivers involved in an accident were men. A new ad campaign warns that macho stereotypes may be to blame and asks men to examine how they drive.

The week in Pete-riarchy

Turns out Pete Davidson isn’t just a stellar rebound boyfriend, he’s also a talented taco salesman. The comedian recently starred in an ad for Taco Bell and, in a recent call with investors and analysts, the fast-food chain credited Davidson for helping their breakfast sales jump by 9%. Pete: if you’d like to help me sell my book, you know where to find me!

[addictedtodis]

I regret everything

I regret being friends with people not because I hate them but because I am emotionally attached and invested to them. I miss the days when I was the quiet girl when back then nobody bothers me and in turn I don't bother them. I regret opening up to people and I regret showing my true personality or atleast a quarter of that. I hate that ever since that now I have people that I don't want to dissapoint I suffer because of overthinking thoughts that plagues me. I miss when silence weren't suffocating when it was actually welcomed. When I didn't have to spend my time laying on my bed having these thoughts that just don't make no sense. I regret every decision I made and action because maybe if I wasn't friends with any people. I wouldn't feel like this sometimes. I hate it that there will be consequences and I want to distance myself I want to do that yet everytime I get to do that I am plagued with guilt and sorrow. I hate the fact that i am being selfish thinking this way that I am trying to erase people that i know are good influences to my life by shutting them out.

I am trying so hard to stop it but I don't even know why my mood is erratic. I want to complain and I want yell and I want to cry but I'm being dramatic because you know this would be gone tomorrow so quick and so fast it doesn't even feel like I was sad. I miss the silence so so so much. I want it to be comforting again not like now when I always have to talk because I feel like I would disappear if I stop. Yet I contrast myself I don't want people to stop talking and I want to hear noise and I wanna hear about trivial things that is happening in other people's lives.

I hate that my brain does humor why can't it be serious for once. Why can't it acknowledge the fact that maybe I am just not fine at that moment. I hate that whenever something is wrong , I would either joke about it or run away from it. I hate crying even if it would help me all it do is make me exhausted. I don't wanna die yet I also don't wanna live. I feel like everything I do is contrasting. Sometimes I feel that what I am feeling is just not real that its just me getting affected by other peoples emotions tbh I'm blaming the internet. My secret is that I cannot stop thinking. I feel like a jerk a lot at times because if I feel hurt I'll ignore everything and make it look like there is no issue like why the fak would there be.

I don't even know what I am talking about the only thing that makes me relieved is the fact this feeling would be gone and I mean it would come back at another time but well atleast its not everyday. I hate that I decided today to pour my heart out and I would regret this in the future but ya know kinda promised to God i'll do this shet kinda went to church this morning—. Moving on everything is fine tbh kinda tired of my hyper af brain. So yah introducing myself it is I and pretty sure I hab a bad case of loneliness, overthinking, anxiety, mood swings, despression?( bruh no Im not — I be sad not depressed its different ) just overall being human.

But even with all these thoughts I hab I still like to remind that I still have faith in Humanity.

- this was supposed to be a confession about my mental state to my bestfriend but I was okay at the end of the day and I don't feel sad no more so yah I didn't send this shet but thats okay.

#mental health #mentally tired #kinda depressing #confession #thoughts #self isolation #self help #nonsense

[mystery-munch-blog]

Hola señor(s) and señorita(s), welcome back to another weekly blog which if I'm gonna be really honest might just turn into a fortnight blog or a monthly blog or something, because writing seems to be very tedious sometimes -see what I did there- and it's getting more and more difficult to rake my brain and produce something that actually makes sense and is not my random thoughts about life and secret levels -look I don't even know what I'm saying myself- but anyway sit back, relax, eat a Munchy and read on.

So today I thought to specifically discuss the time of day to eat the Nutri-bar since we had a mini, nonexistent, sort of indirect debate on why we call the Munchy a Nutri-bar and so I've decided to go through every option and echo all their pros and cons.

The Munchy Breakfast bar. This is a very catchy name -if I do say so myself- because it literally sells our product in a second. One of the main aims of the product is to cover the gaps of Healthy eating in the morning, since most people skip the meal for the various reasons I mentioned last week. It would be really cool for it to be nicknamed the Breakfast bar since it basically is that. The problem though associated with the name is that everyone is going to limit it to mornings and that's the problem. It being a breakfast thing alone wouldn't be cool at all because people will eventually get hungry during the day, and what will they do, grab an unhealthy fast food and literally do the opposite of what this whole blog is all about. So maybe we should stick to Breakfast bar being a nickname more than the main name -I don't know dude.

The Munchy Lunch bar. Okay I'm just going to put it out there that this name actually enrages me so so so so so so so so so much -you have no idea. Lunch bar is a popular tasty chocolate and when Mystery Munch Company presented its product for the first time, we were made fun of and said to be a makeshift Lunch bar. So yah I get it, but paradoxically I don't. Something about the name is associated with candy and it's not gonna be fair for us to steal a genius name like that, so at this point we'll just stick to Nutri-bar lest we be sued millions of bucks, millions of bucks that we sadly do not, have at all.

The Munchy Night bar. Maybe I just made this one up, maybe, BUT it would be an awesome business idea. Imagine having a healthy meal snack thing that is only designated for night time. Wouldn't that be great? But anyway that's insane -I mean why would you want to wait for night to eat something.

So basically the point of this pointless conversation is to make you -faithful Muncher- realise that Nutri-bar is a neutral name. It says a lot and is so sophisticated yet chilled since it shows the consumer what they're gaining instead of dictating the time of consumption. The name of the product is also very important to the buyer so sticking to something chilled would be a plus for us. Nutri-bar is short for Nutrion-filled-bar, and this literally shows that the Munchy is packed with nutrients, the healthy stuff that we need to stay...Healthy!!!

I don't want to sound weird or anything -well weirder than I already am- but unhealthy eating is real, and it is one of the most ignored topics in every conversation. It always just ends with a "It tastes good" or something like that, but we all have to unite and assemble -Avengers Assemble- and make this Healthy eating thing known. And like I've said before, TELL EVERYONE ABOUT HEALTHY EATING and trust me we'll all have a decade or two more to live our lives.

Anyway, since reading can be tedious sometimes, I'm gonna end the blog here and hopefully I will be back again next week to talk about anything and everything healthy, but most importantly the Munchy Nutri-bar. So stay safe and don't forget to Munch On!!!!

So till next time...roses are red, violets are blue. I'll keep healthy, if you do it too!!!

OXOX...ME just me!!!

#business #food #empowerment #healthy food #health & fitness #Tell everyone!!! #Nutri-bar

[the-hem]

The Transfiguration From Matthew 17: 1-9, Circa 85 CE.

The extension of Judaism through the Gospels meant the Law was being personified rather than codified. Jesus did not change anything in the Torah or Tanakh, rather He brought it into the context of human flesh. The flesh that was being turned into mud, filth, heaps of bones and fuel for fire underneath the reigns of Roman Caesars.

We think Jewish prophecies predicted the coming of the Conqueror, the Wasp of God, the Messiah, to rescue the Jews from Rome but the Torah, Tanakh, and Midrash say no such thing.

The Holy One of Israel, as we will see is not just a person, it is a Personality, one in which the Words of Moses have finally distilled out as pure holiness in every last one of us from then on.

Notice the Office begins on the Sixth Day, the moment men come to resemble to image of God and are ready to engage in Shabbat, the Messiah I mention in the paragraph before. So, Transfiguration is a license to see God after one has completed one's evolution out of an immature state into one of Godliness.

There are six "buddhas" or enlightened forms mentioned in the passage they roughly correspond to the Six Days. They are

Moses= the water of salvation, AKA the hidden intelligence in mankind.

Elijah= the Light of the Spirit of God. Eli= God's pluripotent forms, Yah= the One, "the way to approach God."

Jesus= the Economics of God will save us. God as the Teacher.

The verb ישע (yasha') means to be unrestricted and thus to be free and thus to be saved (from restriction, from oppression and thus from ultimate demise). A doer of this verb is a savior. Nouns ישועה (yeshua), ישע (yesha') and תשועה (teshua) mean salvation. Adjective שוע (shoa') means (financially) independent, freed in an economic sense.

Verb שוע (shawa') means to cry out (for salvation). Nouns שוע (shua'), שוע (shoa') and ��ועה (shawa) mean a cry (for salvation).

Peter= the human teacher.

The most remarkable conjunction of these two words petra and petros occurs in the famous scene in which Jesus asks the disciples what they think of him. Only Peter submits that Jesus is the Son of the Living God. Jesus responds by saying that he couldn't have obtained that insight from any human teacher, or even have figured it out by himself, but that it was given to him by God.

And then Jesus says to Peter: You are petros (a small wobbly and easily movable stone), but on that petra (the unmovable faith that is not from man but from God) I'm going to build my church.

James=who controls his own actions.

John= who is Gracious like God.

To go up the mountain- to study religion, is to meet the Spirit of God and all of His Forms. This somehow penetrates the rocky brain of man and results in a disciplined man with handsome, gracious behaviors. We don't know how this happens, but we know the study of the Scriptures is integral to it.

So we see Jesus is at the heart of human evolution not at its end like one might think. Why we have come to think all of this means we will literally come back from the dead is unknown, there is no evidence religion has that power. Even still:

17 After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. 

2 There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light. 3 Just then there appeared before them Moses and Elijah, talking with Jesus.

4 Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, it is good for us to be here. If you wish, I will put up three shelters—one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah.”

5 While he was still speaking, a bright cloud covered them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!”

6 When the disciples heard this, they fell facedown to the ground, terrified. 7 But Jesus came and touched them. “Get up,” he said. “Don’t be afraid.” 

8 When they looked up, they saw no one except Jesus.

9 As they were coming down the mountain, Jesus instructed them, “Don’t tell anyone what you have seen, until the Son of Man has been raised from the dead.”

The Values in Gematria are:

v1: After Six Days. The Value in Gematria is: 8719, חזאט‎ ‎, hazat, "this is the Counsel:"

v. 2-3: The Transfiguration. the Value in Gematria is 9842, טחדב‎ ‎tahdev, "the char of the dove"= "The burning up of ignorance in the fire of the Holy Ghost."

v. 4. Three Shelters. The Value in Gematria is, 8785, ח‎ז‎חה, haza, "see something loftier than ra'a, "daily forms of evil." [recall there are indeed degrees of magnitude associated with an increase in the Numbers but they pertain to humanity's culmination in Mashiach. The relationship is otherwise not intuitive or linear.]

ie:

One Shelter=403, דאֶפֶסג‎, a printer of dupesg, print. "a scribe or prophet."

Two Shelters= 1448, אדדח‎, "chametz, leavening, a gun postponed."

Until the "lights come on" at "dawn" freedom from the death sentence all human beings have at the hands of ignorant life practices is not postponed. So God says "do not build three shelters, wait until the Knowledge takes its course."

v. 5: Listen! The Value in Gematria is 10737, י‎זגז‎, will zagz, "will zigzag". The world, unfortunately comes with the package when we are born. As enlightened as we might want to be or think we are, we are all crossing the Desert of Paran together. Like a branch on a tree, we are all growing in the same general direction, but until we all reach the Glory of God, we are just zigzagging together.

v.6-7: They fell face down. God knows that is not what we want to hear. The value in Gematria is 6851, וחהא‎, and haha, "Falling face down in the East," meaning there is a point in one's spiritual journey where one stops learning and memorizing and must enter into the knowledge the scriptures can only hint at. Ha means "things related to the House of God". Adding a ha refers to things that exist solitarily or outside the house. "Housed not in the house."

v. 8: When they looked up. The value in Gematria is 5012, ה אֶפֶסאב, the Epsab, "the alphabet of the infinite."

v. 9: And when they were coming down. The value in Gematria is 9879, טחזט‎‎, "the forecast." One cannot predict the future when it comes to humanity. Jesus tells them not to repeat what they have seen until after the resurrection just in case, as is fully possible where mankind is concerned, the Messianic Age did not take root.

The Transfiguration therefore is an event that signals all the hopes and possibilities of an self-illuminated and enlightened society, one much like ours are present, but the final delivery of mankind from evil is not yet nigh. We doubt we can do it but that is not correct. We could do it at any time.

The missing link is the globally dispersed decision to abide by the Decrees, the Gospels, the Beatitudes etc. and turn them into a discernible way of life. We are clearly not there yet. We are stuck at stage 3, observing the daily forms of evil with great suspicion.

Lacking the subconscious imprint of the Spirit of God which comes after much study and application of the scriptures, which would and should move all of mankind to greatness, however, there we will stay.

There is just too much debate about what this means, and that is unfortunate.

[f0xd13-blog]

Because he chooses who matters and who doesn't have money is not a human but they are the ones that ultimatelly decide that faith for us so yah makes sense i guess.... we have no salvation because they make it to be.

Ohhhh no babes i know. You are just an idiot.

Pfff all old 90 year old dude with a wrinkled dick the he most suck behind their womens dicks coz you know they ain't stopping doing the sin they just hide it and that is why he is working at the eu coz with that brain lol he only functions to suck dick and drink too much wine to fry his brain

I just posted this one coz "where y are so y arohnd greatz"

He doesn't understand god will never tell him to stop. He used to tell us but then noticed it doesn't matter let them be sinners and then get the consequences in the after life

[oscar-piastri]

ohh what a sweetheart he is for doing that for you! I'm glad you're both in good places and I hope your friendship can develop again 🥺🩷

yah what happened to him? I'm coming up empty when I try to remember 😭 too much sport, not enough brain power..

just saw that france have had 80% possession.. rip italy, we hardly knew ye

thank you ❤️

well actually nothing happened, he was top level in club with toulouse but galthié decided to put his faith in melvyn jaminet in july 2021 (bc ramos was put to rest after his big and long season in club) and he was amazing so he kept him until melvyn got injured and he put ramos back to cover for him. he was basically side lined in the french squad for one year and a half

i mean i think italy took a big blow last week and they’re struggling with their confidence. They can do wonders!! But yeah new zealand crushed them

#cassy’s answers #anons

[torahtantra]

The Inheritances, a Torah Tantra from the Book of Joshua.

These are the inheritances of the tribe of Judah, according to its clans:

The Torah Tantra of the Southern Boundary:

Persons whom God praises follow the commitments and vows through during their pilgrimage through the desert of immaturity and delusion. They readily refuse temptation by meaningless things and experiences, they are great in strength, intellect and these they demonstrate by earning stellar reputations.

The Torah Tantra of the Northern Boundary:

Called by the organ of maturity, one criss-crosses through life on the way to adulthood. En route, one gets disturbed by the boys and the bees, then becomes stricken with Vows.

One is bewitched but wakes up and eye and foot continues towards the fountain.

The Torah Tantra of the Hilltop Boundary:

The opening, the mouth is not for complaining. It is the beehive, the honeycomb, it owns the hairy guys, gives one confidence, and creates the House of the Sun for the time God has allotted.

The Torah Tantra of the Western Boundary:

Exterminate all stupor and own that which is built by God, and thus one shall come to see the greatness in oneself.

The Torah Tantra of the Four Cities of Deduction:

In accordance with the Lord’s command one must drive out those who speak without thinking using deduction and devotion to one's brothers and form an alliance, called Hebron, the Cube.

Hills and valleys, the future, which are "beyond the veil, beyond the duel with the lion," are the wellsprings that reflect one's truest inner character. One is in the mind, the other is in the penis.

The Mother of the Future, the Moshiach wants real men, those who read, write, talk and schcrew like they know what they are doing.

Faith is akin to devotion which is a product of loyalty, all are earned and returned. This is the secret of attaining what is called the Allotment and it is central to the onset and continuation of the Age of Moshiach.

The Torah Tantra of the Southernmost twenty Nine Towns Reads as Follows:

God will assemble together the flock, quarreling and dirging, like a dung heap, and help it advance to the future (adadah).

The gathering, which is perennially overflowing with pitch- endless trouble, that is, oppression, will ascend to gather myrtle, righteousness and prosperity. The Cities who heed the Voice of God will become villages of fortune.

Rich soil surrounds the House of Deliverance, the Village of the Fox, of Reason. Therein is found the Well of the Seven, where there is protection from all contempt of Yah who is the lord, the Resolute Protector, the supporting bone of strength, the God of the Generation.

The fool, one who is devoted dedicated, poison like a pint of liquid metal, is a dunghill, a manure pit, a thicket. Attack him with the lioness, missiles, armed men, the eye of the fountain and the apex pomegranate.

The Torah Tantra of the Fourteen Towns of the Western foothills:

Shut the fire down and the smoke, reject the stinking and kill the leprous hornet with the Garden Fountains.

The aphrodisiac fruit, with two fountains, two eyes, a brain and a penis, takes one to the heights. He is the refuge and the justice of the people.

His hedge, with strong methods against violence and its double ornaments is like the Western Wall.

*A man with an intact sac is one that is trustworthy, ie does not bear false witness.

In between the place of strength, the temple of abundance and utter extermination lay Egypt. One is expected to leave Ekron and Egypt behind through deduction, Jepunneh.

Ekron is the opposite of Jepunneh, it puts an end to introspection and exterminates self-reliance.

Here is the Torah Tantra of the Hill Country and the Eleven Towns:

Keep guard over the hedge. Protect its Preeminence with the government, the words, the grape, and obedience. Draw near the sound place where the sand is, where the exile [from Egypt] rejoices. Do not violate the decrees, do not allow men to be treated as if they were gods. Teach this to your children.

The Torah Tantra of the Wilderness is:

The House of Criss-Crossing, the place of judgement, the open sided shed, the City of Salt and the Fountain of the Kid, Judah could not dislodge the Jebusites, who were living in Jerusalem; to this day the Jebusites live there with the people of Judah.

Without the Torah Tantras, without Jerusalem when they are instructed as commanded by God, there would eventually come a time where there would be no inheritance left to give.

Thus ends the Torah Tantra of the Inheritances of the Tribe of Judah.

[ofherlionheart]

📕📗📘📙📖📚

daaamn okay let’s do this!!

in my head there’s a companion piece to like the sun that’s a mai POV that bops back and forth in time to explore her relationships with ty lee and azula and zuko. also largely abt her sense of sexuality and gender, particularly as 1. someone who meets/exceeds basically every fire nation beauty standard and 2. as the spitting image of her mother (who she does not have a gr8 relationship with). mailee endgame of coooourse

like the sun sequel, wherein zuko becomes izumi’s father. how, u ask? he’s doing his blue spirit thing when he shouldn’t be and he comes across a mother and her newborn (i named her izumi, mama says, because i discovered i was carrying her when visiting the spring at the temple); the mother dies, z can’t save her, but he can’t just leave the baby. how hard can it be to take care of a child, anyway? he brings izumi back to the palace and is like, can i get a wet nurse? and everyone LOSES their shit. ‘fire lord zuko how did u end up in possession of a baby?’ ‘she’s mine,’ he says and refuses to elaborate. the staff finds a wet nurse and gossip starts flying around, all omg the fire lord had a secret baby mama somewhere. when sokka first hears abt izumi he freaks the fck out — not b/c he thinks z had an affair (the thought doesn’t even cross his mind), but b/c he’s like 1. this baby is now a part of z’s life, this is immutable fact 2. i am part of z’s life 3. omfg i’m supposed to be part of the baby’s life?? that’s a degree of commitment and faith in the future that I DONT KNOW HOW TO PROCESS. like a nerd sokka doesn’t tell z any of this. shenanigans and misunderstanding as z embraces fatherhood super enthusiastically and sokka’s brain is short-circuiting and constantly being witness to all these dadko moments

percy/annabeth from pjo boarding school summer-before-senior-year-college-tour-roadtrip au!! bounces between the summer and the journey it took for them to become friends and end up on this roadtrip. annabeth POV, the slow realization that there’s something more to life than, like, grades and good colleges and career success. 

daichi/suga canon divergent haikyuu fic: daichi has always inspired suga to work harder; suga has always inspired daichi to be more adventurous. so daichi applies to a few unis in tokyo (gasp! so far from miyagi!) and is super excited to tell suga abt it (ofc suga applied to tokyo unis, he’s pretty smart and has always talked abt leaving miyagi for university) but suga beats him to the punch … he got the same scholarship as shimizu to go to america for college. daichi is proud of him! anyway college college blah blah one night daichi’s grabbing drinks w/ noya and suga’s instagram comes up, daichi says something abt that american boy who keeps showing up in suga’s posts and noya’s like oh yeah his boyfriend. daichi: ????? noya: yah dude didja not know? anyway suga can’t be super open abt it on social media b/c he’ll lose his scholarship if they find out he’s queer. blah blah daichi goes to visit suga in america during a break at school and he meets the boyfriend and realizes his feelings about his best friend have evolved blah blaaaah idk how this one ends lmfao. i mean ik there would be smooching but that’s the extent of the detail i have in my head

sneak preview to a prompt ask game drabble but yet ANOTHER zukka modern au 🤪 this time z and s meet in brazil while they’re both doing research out of the same university. sorry i keep making z and s absolute nerds?? anyway there’s beach volleyball incredible food amazing music. but all international flings between foreigners must end eventually. no plot here rly just vibes

this one is mostly a joke, buuuuuut haikyuu au wherein oikawa fcks up his knee in HS and has the deepest mope about losing volleyball. accidentally gets really into kdramas while serially moping, becomes proficient in korean thru that. one weekend he’s visiting tokyo with hanamaki and matsukawa and when they’re at a mall oikawa’s pounced on by a scout who’s like, hey wanna be an korean idol? oikawa’s like haha maki didn’t i always tell you i was so beautiful and mastukawa’s like he’s fluent in korean and hanamaki’s like he practices cute expressions in the mirror all the time and duets pretty good with his showerhead. scout leaves his business card, oikawa’s like ‘u guys r so mean for making fun of me like that’ and they’re like lmfao as if u could actual become an idol. oikawa: TARGET. LOCKED. he’s remembered how to work his ass off again. anyway fic would start like, 4 years after his group’s debut, they’re on tour in the united states where iwaizumi is oh-so-conveniently doing college. ‘iwa-chan your skin got so much darker!’ ‘you look fckn translucent’ ‘i’ll risk getting a little tan only for you, iwa-chan’

Put “📓” or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I’ll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven’t written but daydream about.

#ask game #i feel like i want to do smthng abt oikawa and iwaizumi someday but also like. the mating habits of the hercule beetle fckn WRECKED ME #i usually start writing fic out of spite 😭 #but hercules beetle is like It for me #that's Thee iwaoi fic #clearly all my brainrots have just merged into one massive soup #i bet if i got this ask like 3 weeks from now i would have the untamed fic ideas bopping around in there to #big sigh #*too

[starryse]

Tent Bonding

Mingyu x Reader

Fluff, slight angst, implied sexual themes

1,663 words

Summary: it’s your annual camping trip with your friends, but there’s a change of plans this time around..specifically in love

The woods that surrounded the small campsite went on for miles, the lights of the city seeming to be non-existent. Shades of orange and yellow in the sunset lit up the clearing, casting bright shadows off of the trees. You stood on the outskirts of the site, admiring the calm environment. It was a nice change compared to the busy city, the sounds of traffic replaced by the small chirps of birds and the scurrying of the animals running amongst the forest floor.

“Yah! Watch the food, that’s all we have!” Seungcheol’s sudden voice carried through the trees, scaring off the birds that had taken shelter on the branches. You turned your head over your shoulder, peering back at the scene behind you. Soonyoung held the basket of food close to his chest as he tripped over dirt piles and twigs, Seungcheol following close behind, his hands extended, in case Soonyoung fell- not that he was worried for his member, the food was his priority, of course.

You stifled a laugh, covering your mouth with your hoodie sleeve.

“Hey y/n, wanna help me set up the table?” Joshua appeared in front of you, a bag of appliances in hand. You nodded your head, following him to the large picnic table. The table was across from the tents a few of the boys were setting up, right in front of the fire pit that was poorly dug in the ground.

Joshua passed you one end of the dark blue tablecloth, unfolding the cloth over the middle of the table. Once spread to each corner, you taped the end pieces underneath the wooden table, not trusting the wind to keep it in place. Josh grinned, giving you a half-five, “easy peasy.”

You laughed, nodding with what he said, “just be glad we didn’t get tent set up-“

You both turned your heads, chuckling at the chaotic mess the boys were as they miserably set the tents up. One of the tents were lopsided, the other two not even put together quite yet. The cry’s and complaints were heard even across the clearing, the boys laying across the grass in frustration.

“Should we help them?” Josh spoke through giggles, his smile wide across his face

You contemplated your answer. It was highly entertaining watching the boys struggle, as they were so confident in the car. You could still hear their cocky remarks, “were men Y/n! We can put up a simple 2 step tent, okay. Have faith in your friends!” Plus, you were still pissed at Mingyu for acting like a douche over something as simple as you wanting to ride with Jeonghan to the site.

“I dunno, watching Mingyu struggle has been the highlight of my day so far, asshole deserves it from earlier.”

Joshua hummed, understanding why you were mad at the dark haired boy, “it is highly deserved”

“It is-“ you were cut off by the shout of Seungkwan, his voice echoing long after he finished talking.

“Hey you two!”

You and Joshua tensed. Seungkwan marched over, tent sticks in hand, “why are you standing here being useless while I work so hard to put up the tents?!”

Seungkwan held up his hand, shutting up Joshua very quickly, “I don’t wanna hear it, follow me”

You unwillingly followed the grumbling boy, watching as his hands flew left and right as he complained about “how lazy some people are”. Gripping your hand, Seungkwan tugged you to help setup with the left crew (composed of Mingyu, Seokmin & Chan), while Joshua was pulled to the right (Vernon, Seungkwan & Jeonghan).

You stumbled over the hammer that was carelessly lying about, earning a few snickers from Seokmin and Chan- though they immediately shut up when you stared them down.

Seokmin waved you over, patting the spot in the grass next to him, which happened to be right by Mingyu, “come sit, y/n! We need all the help we can get”

You could feel Mingyu’s eyes on you as you moved to sit down, though ignoring it didn’t do too much as your face heated up anyhow; whether that was from nerves or the fact you were still pissed at him, you wouldn’t know. Now you were a fumbling, pissy, mess as you turned your head to ask Chan a question, “Hey Channie?”

Chan hummed, his eyes quickly darting up to meet yours before he refocused on the tent,

“Who’s in what tent?”

That seemed to get his attention as he nervously slid his hand on the back of his neck, avoiding yours and Mingyu’s gaze as much as possible, “well we only have 3 tents, and they’re uh-“ he began to stutter, “pretty big, so we couldn’t fit anymore in the car-“

Oh you didn’t like where this was going.

Chan finally raised his head from anxiously toying with the grass in front of him, “but I figured I could squeeze in one of the small ones from last years trip-“

You cut him, a short sigh leaving your lips, “meaning Mingyu and I will be sharing one, right?”

Chan gulped, mumbling an mhm. Seokmin darted his eyes back and forth from you and Mingyu, who was currently chewing on the inside of his cheek, “that’s not a problem right? I mean, I can always stay with you, y/n-“

“No.”

Your eyes snapped in Mingyu’s direction, his lips in a thin line above his clenched jaw, “that won’t be necessary, they’re fine with me. Right, y/n?”

His eyes dashed to yours, not budging from their place. You quickly nodded in agreement, no clear words forming a response.

The sound of someone clearing their throat in front of you caused all 4 of yours heads to pop up, meeting the confused face of Seungcheol, “is everything okay here?”

A chorus of yeahs and mhms broke the awkward silence, Seungcheol casually shrugging it off with a pout, “anyways, it’s dinner time. We can finish these up afterwards”

You had never been to such an awkward dinner. At least for you and the guy across from you it was.

The entire dinner was spent by ignoring Mingyu’s glances, or the few times he bumped your knee with his own. The other boys continued to laugh and wreak havoc as per usual, but you and Mingyu seemed to be in your own worlds.

You cleared your throat, catching Minghao’s attention next to you, “I think imma head to bed”. Minghao sympathized with you, he knew how close you and Mingyu were, and he hated seeing you two act as if you didn’t know one another.

“Alright, please try and work it out?” You could only budge a sad smile at him, muttering a quiet goodnight. He patted the small of your back as you got up, tossing your plate in the trash bag that was strung on the tree for you.

Meanwhile, Mingyu creeper mode was activated as he silently watched the encounter. He could feel the guilt eat away at his stomach, he hated when you were upset. And knowing he was the cause, was even worse. Minghao exchanged looks with him after you left, a silent agreement settling between the two as Mingyu trudged after you.

When Chan said the tent was small, you forgot just how small he had meant.

The tent was barely big enough to fit a sleeping bag, let alone 2. Meaning you and Mingyu were to be up each other’s asses the rest of the night. Your shoulder deflated as you sighed, a disapproved look etched on your face.

You began to roll out the sleeping bag on the hard floor of the tent, adjusting it so it was as close to the wall as possible. With all the rustling of the bag as it slid around, you didn’t notice the sound of the tent unzipping. That is, until someone coughed right next to your ear.

You let out a sharp screech, body jumping out of its skin before you fell to the ground in shock. After you recovered from the almost heart attack, you whipped around to be with the sullen expression of Mingyu. His features resembled a puppy as his eyes were innocently looking into your own.

He moved to sit on his own sleeping bag he had set up earlier, “I’m really sorry for how I acted earlier, y/n”

You fell back onto your butt, sitting criss cross across from Mingyu. Your lip was hues of red and purple, your teeth had been gnawing on since he entered.

“I know”

Mingyu shook his head, a guilty look present in his eyes, “no, y/n. I shouldn’t have acted like that, you’re allowed to be friends with whoever you want” He paused, thoughts going haywire as he looked at you, Your face showed anger? sadness? He wasn’t sure, all he knew was he didn’t want to ever be the cause of them again.

Sucking in a breath, Mingyu quickly rambled, “I-I like you, Y/n- actually, no. I love it you”

Your heart stopped, pulse slowing down for a split second before rapidly speeding up, “w-what?” Your voice was soft, confused even.

Mingyu smiled, canines on full display. He shifted closer to you, smushing your face between his hands, “I love you y/n”

Before you could register what you were doing, you smashed your lips onto his, teeth clashing from the sudden push. Your cracked lips mixed with his own, the taste of the beer he had with dinner smothered the previous taste of champagne you had drank. Your brain was a fuzzy mess, and your stomach wasn’t so far off either.

You pulled back, a trail of saliva dripping onto your chin. Mingyu pulled his sleeve down, wiping it off, a sheepish grin etched on his face.

“I love you too”

Mingyu melted at your words, quickly reattaching his lips to yours. I think you know how the rest of the night went.

#kpop #follow #reblog #seventeen #carat #seventeen fluff #svt #literature #tumblr #authors of tumblr #svt fluff #Mingyu #Kim Mingyu #mingyu drabble #Mingyu angst #Mingyu smut #seventeen smut #seventeen fanfics #Mingyu fluff #svt au #starryse #svt drabbles

[jincherie]

fox rain | five

• ☽ — pairing: bts x reader • ☽ — genre: crack, fluff, angst, college/uni au • ☽ — words: 9.9k+ • ☽ — rating: sfw • ☽ — warnings: stop two on the angst train express!!! not as blatant, more reading between the lines here...... have fun! • ☽ — notes: bros... it’s only downhill from here. cowa-fucking-BUNGA amirite cowboys???????!?!?

— posted; 18.09.2020

When the love letter you wrote and submitted as an assignment is leaked to the entirety of your university, it becomes a race against time to dispel rumours and convince the seven suspected muses of the poem that they aren’t the subject before anyone realises that you are the author. Easy, right? Well… maybe not as easy as you think.

— • masterpost | prev. | five | next • —

You lay in a sort of placid, bewildered shock, the kind that is sourced from confusion as opposed to an unpleasant surprise. After waking to blearily turn off your alarm before it blasted through the entirety of Dancing Lasha Tumbai, you’d unlocked your phone to find this curious set of messages from a number you haven’t saved. You’ve been lying in place for several minutes as your tired, wired brain slowly kicks into gear and attempts to debunk the mystery. After another unsuccessful few minutes of staring blankly at the screen, you’re saved from impending cranial combustion when your phone lets out a delightful little tinkle and another message hastily joins the others.  

Ah, that makes so much sense now! Except it doesn’t. Actually, it kind of adds to your bewilderment. Taehyung… is texting you? You don’t think you’ve ever in your life had any correspondence with him that didn’t either take place in the presence of Jimin or under the influence of alcohol… also in the presence of Jimin, now that you think of it. You haven’t really interacted with Taehyung outside of Jimin. So it is particularly odd to wake up to a series of messages that are from him, and pertaining to such an odd topic. You’re still so tired you can’t even fathom what would warrant a text from him. Maybe you dropped something at one of your tutoring sessions and Jimin asked him to give it back to you? It would make sense, since after the rollercoaster of a ride the last week has been for him (in particular, the questionable events that took place at the hands of one Kim Seokjin but somehow ended up with Jimin and Hoseok making up? You don’t really understand it but you’re not even going to bother to try to at this point) he has ended up a little preoccupied.

Tapping the screen when your inactivity leads it to go dark, you take a moment to scrounge a response from the empty barrel bottom that is your brain. Once satisfied, you drop your phone onto your bed and flop yourself back to the position you’d been in before your own alarm woke you so rudely. Technically, you don’t have to be up and about for another hour…

With faith that your additional hour of sleep will revive your ability to think, you allow yourself to slip somewhat self-indulgently back into sleep and pass the fuck out like a woman who has spent the night trying to forget.

(Which you are, and did do, except with maybe a little less alcohol than what that sentence implied.)

X     X     X     X

 It has been almost a week since the unfortunate end to that tutoring session on Monday, and while you’ve managed to stay off social media enough that you haven’t triggered yourself by accident in the entirety of that duration, every time you come on campus it’s like for however many steps forward you took, you take double the amount backwards. University students are such gossips! Well, the jobless ones are, anyway. The students that work and study are too busy dragging themselves around campus in a stunning rendition of the undead from various media to be bothered with the latest plot twist in the resident school drama. Which is to say, there has been no twist. The population is still shamelessly up Sera’s ass in the belief that she is the author of the poem, and as has become the norm you find yourself resisting the urge to hunt the bitch down and go in for round two on her face. Surely, your self-control has earnt you the title of a saint by now.

You’re blasting some angsty shit on the way to your music history class and pretending you’re in a music video for some indie band (it’s cathartic, and you will argue that fact to your grave), when you make it a few steps past the entrance to the food court and have the absolute living daylights scared out of you. Thudding footsteps reach you through your earphones and two hands clamp on your shoulders to halt you in place and spin you around like Barbie Ballerina.

“You’re a disgrace!” It’s Seokjin who has halted you in the middle of the hallway, every bit as dramatic as you’d come to expect. “You skipped drama class? And you call yourself an acting major, PSH!”

Yanking your earphones out, you nail the tall, pink-haired idiot with a glare. Very bold of him to be approaching you after you nearly chopped off Lil’ Jinnie barely a few days ago for his bastardous antics. Perhaps he’s getting a bit big for his glittery pink rainboots.

“First of all, will you please listen to me when I tell you I’m not an acting major?” Unfortunately, when you speak your voice comes out more exasperated and less threatening than you intended. “Second of all—very bold of you to be approaching me right now. You’re lucky you escaped with your life, you meddling bastard. You want me to bite the rest of your dick off?”

“You should know by now that I take that as a compliment,” Seokjin sniffs, haughtily, ignoring the latter part of your threat. “And do you know how boring it is for me to crash your class when you’re not even there? No one threatens me like you! It’s getting harder and harder to get it up these days, you know. I need a hit of the good stuff.”

For a moment you’re simply stunned into silence, staring at him and wondering just how and why he seems to have been sent here with the sole mission of making you want to kill him and then yourself. Nothing you could think to say really is enough, so you settle on simply turning and walking away.

Of course, you forgot that no one turns their back on Kim Seokjin and gets away with it.

“YAH!”

You wince—you think he actually just broke a sound barrier, or maybe your eardrums— or both. Seokjin quickly scrambles to place himself in front of you, arms out. His eyes are wide in something you suspect he thinks is a puppy-eyed look, but actually comes across more like he’s trying not to shit himself.

“Promise me you won’t skip drama again!” Seokjin says, pointing a finger at you in borderline accusation. When he doesn’t see your expression budge, he quickly changes tactics. “If not for me, the most charming prince in the story of your life, then at least for Jungkook, that poor virgin—”

You blink, distracted for a moment by what he said. “Wait, Jungkook is in my drama class?”

“’Wait, Jungkook is in my drama class?’” Seokjin repeats in a voice a few octaves higher than your own. “Listen to you, not even knowing who is in your own class. For shame! But have no fear, since you clearly skip so much I will happily extend my generosity and take you under my wing. Tutelage fee starts at $55 with an extra $5 for every question you ask that I don’t know—”

“Do you ever actually hear yourself talk?” you ask, feeling your will to live draining out your ears. “Like, the shit that comes out of your mouth? Do you hear it? Because—wait, are you saying you would charge me for questions that you don’t know the answer to?!”

Seokjin shrugs, “It’s a little unorthodox, I know. But—”

“I would literally be bankrupt! Thousands—no, millions of dollars in debt!” You exclaim, grabbing him by his stupid big shoulders and shaking him about. “Do I look crazy to you?!”

“Oh, what, you think you can do better?!” Seokjin demands, voice wobbling from your shaking. “What’s 2x2?”

“Fucking four!” you wail, releasing him in your despair. You can’t do this, your day only just started and you are not exhausted enough to micronap while he talks like usual. “I’m leaving, don’t follow me. DELETE MY NUMBER.”

“Haha jokes on you!” you hear Seokjin holler from behind you, voice rapidly growing quieter from the speed that you’re powerwalking away. “You never gave me your number!”

You make it to class barely on time due to Seokjin acting as one of the biggest inconveniences in your life, and while you manage to push him from your brain for the duration of it, you wish you could say that is the last time you see him,

It’s probably the fact that you busted his ass being a weirdo with Jimin and Hoseok last week that has him so…. attached this week, you suspect. You’re at your third Seokjin encounter for the day and you’re honestly considering whether you should trip to the campus pharmacy and look for some pepper spray, or maybe an umbrella. Pepper spray would be more effective, but the umbrella…. You can’t argue against the satisfaction it would provide.

You’re trying to sneak your way into a library on the Arts side of campus, one you don’t usually go to, so you can study without worrying about going absolutely batshit insane in the presence of Seokjin. It was hard, but you think that you’ve finally managed to shake him. What on earth had him so determined to tail you today? Was it seriously because you skipped your own class? Nutcase.

You peek your head around the corner looking not only for Seokjin, but for another thing you had happened to notice every time you were ambushed. You have yet to determine whether the glimpse of phenomenally bright floral print right before Seokjin pounces you is causation or correlation, and it makes you a bit nervous. Cautiously, like timid forest animal, you creep around the corner and begin to make your way into the building, eyes flicking from the library door right at the end to the rest of your surroundings. The café coming up on your right tempts you greatly, but you know it is too great of a risk. Out in the open, you’d definitely be seen.

This area is almost like a courtyard, an undercover area between three separate buildings. With a looming cement and glass ceiling, though, it feels like a building of its own. The library sits nestled in the corner of the largest building, and although it isn’t very wide, it spans several floors. You plan on going to the highest one and hiding in a corner near a window.

You’re close, so close to reaching the library in fact that you’ve fallen into a false sense of security. By the time you register the sound of pounding footsteps approaching behind you, for the second time today, it’s too late.

“Ah, y/n! Wait!”

Instinctively you prepare to burst into a sprint to get away, but at the last second stop yourself. That doesn’t sound like Seokjin… that sounds like—

“Taehyung?” you ask, turning in surprise as the boy comes to a screeching halt in front of you, bending with his hands on his knees as he attempts to catch his breath.

“I’ve… been trying….” he huffs, “To talk to you…. all day….. hah…Why are you so….. good at running away?”

He looks absolutely wiped out, cheeks red and sweat beginning to bead on his forehead. You’re just beginning to feel guilty when you notice his shirt, the bright floral print that you literally don’t know anyone else bold enough to wear, and you realise he’s really not lying. Poor Taehyung, just like you he has fallen victim to—

“That Seokjin bastard,” you say, completing a quick scan of the area to make sure the mention of his name didn’t somehow summon him. “He’s been harassing me all day. I’ve had to really up my game. By the way… are you okay? Please breathe… also what did you want to talk to me about?”

Taehyung straightens, eyes closed as he attempts to control his breathing. One of his hands comes to sweep the ashy hair from his face, the ends slightly damp with sweat.

“I’m fine,” he says, sounding slightly like he’s about to pass out. You prepare to take a step forward and catch him if he does, but he opens his eyes in the next second and shoots you a dopey smile. “I’m fine! Apparently just… whoo… really out of shape.”

“Your sacrifice is not in vain,” you say, smiling when he lets out a sudden laugh. Another shaky breath rakes past his lips before he straightens, eyes blinking a little wider. “Ah, right. I was looking for you because, um… you didn’t respond to my text… and I needed to ask you something that’s a little time-sensitive…”

“Your text…” you wrack your brain, sure that you remembered responding to it this morning in bed. Your mouth shifts into a wince, though, when you can recall writing a response, but not actually sending it. “Oh. I am so sorry, I’m an idiot. I was kind of half asleep when you texted, and I swear to god I typed a response but I think I fell asleep again before sending it…”

There is not a shred of accusation on Taehyung’s pleasant features, lips instead slightly curled in a smile. “That’s fine,” he chirps, rocking on the balls of his feet for a moment. “I do it all the time too. I’m just glad I caught you.”

You return his smile, before a thought that had been nagging you earlier returned and you acted on the urge to voice it. “By the way…. How did you get my number?”

Your question seems to be unexpected and, for some reason, flusters him slightly. He reaches to scratch the back of his neck, averting his gaze for a moment. “Uh, Jimin gave it to me. It was for something stupid a while ago but I never needed to use it.”

You raise your brows at what he said, but get the feeling he’s not going to elaborate. Instead, you remain quiet and wait for him to continue his thought from earlier. He shuffles on his feet, returning his gaze to your own. “Anyway, the reason I was trying to catch you all day was because I wanted to ask you something…”

“I know it’s not really any of my business, but I kind of noticed, and Jimin mentioned lightly that things haven’t been, uh…. great for you lately.” He doesn’t even give you time for that statement to sink in amongst your shock, continuing without pause despite the way his cheeks begin to flush, “And, uh, my exhibition is this Friday, and I was gonna go with Jimin but he double-booked himself with Hobi, so now I have no plus-one and I was wondering… if you wanted to go?”

When you simply stand there, dumbfounded, he clears his throat awkwardly, fiddling with the cuffs of his button-down. “To um, you know, take your mind off things… maybe… you don’t have to, of course, but I just thought I would—”

Snapping out of your stupor before he can take back the invitation, you hastily step forward and outstretch your hands. “Oh, no I would love to go! This is really—” you clear your throat, trying to ignore the light sting of your eyes “—sweet of you. I’d like to go, if it’s ok. You’re sure Jimin doesn’t mind…?”

Taehyung seems shocked, and you suspect he might have thought you would turn down the invitation from the way his eyes seem to light up. Have you really been walking around campus looking like that much of a gloomy bitch? You need to check your facial expressions when you get home this afternoon.

“He won’t mind,” he says, waving his hand excitedly. “Great, perfect—um, here is the little info sheet. I’d stay to tell you more but my class actually started a few minutes ago, so…”

“Oh!” you exclaim, taking the sheet from his hand before waving him away. “Go! Go to class! I’m sorry I made you late! Thank you for this, by the way!”

He seems slightly dazed at your enthusiastic thanks and farewell, but he shakes himself out of it and before he goes he sends you a smile that you can’t think of any other way to describe except dazzling. “It’s no problem, y/n. See you then.”

And then he’s off and you’re left standing alone in the pseudo-courtyard, clutching the exhibition pamphlet in your grip. Your eyes sting ever so slightly, and you can’t help but think how kind of sad it is that one person goes out of their way to think of you in the midst of everything you’re dealing with and you’re so touched you’re nearly driven to tears.

Hormones suck and you want a refund.

 X     X     X     X

 Taehyung was right when he said that what he had to ask you was time-sensitive. 

You hadn’t realised it at the time, but Friday was only a few days away— and in the midst of classes, schoolwork, and everything else, those days went fast.  Before you know it, it’s Friday morning and a panicked glance at the pamphlet Taehyung had given you reveals that the exhibition opens officially around 4:30PM. That works out surprisingly well for you, considering your last class ends at three o’clock and you can easily reschedule your session with Hoseok and Jimin. 

There’s a lot about the invitation you haven’t gotten to really dwell on, and that continues to be the case as the day flies before your very eyes. By the time your music theory class comes to an end and you finish scribbling down the last few lines of note from your teacher, the event is even closer than you anticipated. From your recent examination of the pamphlet, you’d found earlier that Taehyung’s exhibition is being held at a small university-sponsored gallery downtown. It shouldn’t take you too long to get there from your house, and on the way home after packing your things, you plot out the route you’re going to take. It’s about a twenty minute trip, as you discover, since there is by some stroke of luck a bus that goes straight there from a street just around the corner from your own. Taking that into account, you should have around forty minutes or so to get ready. 

Considering you’re one of many poor university students populating the area, it’s not often you actually put the effort in to get dressed up. Around these parts, there is a distinct culture of sweat pants and comfortable tops and more often than not a socks-and-slides combo, something you take part in more often than you’d like to admit. Still, you feel that considering the nature of the event you’ve been invited to and what you know of Taehyung’s works, you should probably be putting in much more effort than usual. 

While you might act like a slob sometimes, this isn’t actually a problem— even goblins like you can have a stash of decent clothes somewhere in their cave. Yours happen to be pushed to the back of your closet on hangers that haven’t seen the light of day in months. What can you say? University takes its toll in mysterious ways. 

Standing before your closet, eyes boring into the portion that’s been held in its depths for longer than you can remember, you wonder which way you should go with your outfit. Exhibitions are fancy right? Should you dress it up? Logic says you should, but on the other hand what if you are the only one dressed up? That would be humiliating. You pause for a moment to think about the type of garb you usually see Taehyung in— you have a feeling that he will probably dress the same way tonight. Recalling his bold, avante-garde taste in fashion is about as helpful as one might imagine, but it does comfort you to know that no matter what you choose, most eyes will likely be on him anyway. 

Comforted by that fact, you make up your mind and pull out a set that isn’t too over the top, and won’t make you look like a rat. Once you’ve slipped into those, you freshen up and wash your face, trying to make yourself seem a little bit more alive afterwards and not like you had an 8AM class today. You’re successful, to a degree, but you’re a little tight on time so you can’t really dwell on it. Feeling your stomach rumble as you grab your bag and key, you can only hope that this exhibition has free food.

x — x — x

“Ah, y/n! You’re here! You… you look nice.”

You were so busy staring at the large, shiny building before you that when Taehyung’s voice rings out in greeting, it startles the hell out of you. You don’t even register what he says before you’re pointing with eyes and mouth wide open, “Your exhibition is in there?!”

His expression of surprise melts into one of amusement, a laugh tumbling from deep in his throat. You don’t even notice the way his cheeks are flushed ever so slightly as he meets your gaze.

“Fancy, right?” he says, wagging his brows. “Some loaded alumnus who actually enjoyed his university experience practically donated it to them. So now they use it for, uh… for most exhibitions.”

“For the best ones, you mean,” you say, your grin widening when he scratches the back of his neck, bashful and blushing. “But yeah, damn. I was expecting it to be nice but I wasn’t expecting it to be this nice.”

Taehyung laughed again, clearing his throat. As he takes a moment to collect himself, you let your eyes scan over his form. The second you do so, you feel a foreign flutter in your stomach, heat flushing to your face. There is truly no other way to describe his choice of outfit for today except for painfully boyfriend. Perhaps on anyone else it would look a little less than presentable, but on Taehyung’s model-esque form the loose chestnut pants and an oversized leather jacket over a boldly patterned shirt work wonders. How does he look so effortless yet so…?

If you’d attempted to wear something like that you’d end up looking like the local court jester. Perhaps you should just make peace with the fact that God has favourites and Kim Taehyung is clearly one of them. 

“It, um. It started a few minutes ago, shall we head in?”

Taehyung offers you his arm, a gentlemanly move that completely contrasts the boyish grin on his face. Ignoring the sudden sensations in your abdomen, you make a show of curtsey-ing before you take it, eliciting a laugh from your company as the two of you head to the entrance and the full exhibition experience begins. 

As soon as you enter there is someone by the door, who seems to be at the very least taking note of how many people enter, a table with flyers and booklets beside him. Taehyung parts from you only to move over and grab a few, brandishing them as he returns with a bright grin.

“Here is all the information about the event, madame,” he says, with an extremely exaggerated air of grandeur, presenting one of the flyers with a flourish. You take it, unable to help your soft snort.

“I would have thought I had something better, what with the very artist behind the event accompanying me,” you say, grinning when you see his cheeks turn an endearing pink as he flashes a bright, boxy smile. 

“True,” he returns, folding the other flyer and slipping it into the pocket of his jacket. “You can’t ask a flyer questions in real time. Anything that crosses your mind, you can ask straight to the source.”

“Oh? Then, may I enquire as to what the theme of this exhibition is?” You’re enjoying the playful air that drifts between you now, unable to rid your face of the smile currently displayed on it even if you wanted to.

Taehyung’s eyes flick to you, a lopsided smile tugging his lips to accompany the sly accent to his gaze. “Ah, a tough one right off the bat. I think telling you straight-up would be too easy. Let’s see if you can try to guess it as we walk through.”

You turn to him with an affronted look, having expected him to easily supply you with the answer. Taehyung is a little cheekier than you remember. You snap your mouth shut, cheeks heating when you notice he has offered his arm to you once more. Taking note of the other people in the room walking around in a similar manner, you slip your arm through his and try to ignore the way you feel your ears light on fire.

“Okay, you’re on,” you respond, if a few moments too late. He doesn’t comment on the delay, simply sending you a smile that you can’t quite decipher the emotion behind. You don’t get to dwell before the two of you are off, beginning on your journey through the building and starting on your tour of the exhibition. 

You’d kind of always known that Taehyung was talented, considering he managed to make such a name for himself on campus in such little time with such ease. Hell, he’s well-known enough to have made it onto the list of suspects for the muse of your poem. Still, this knowledge is only compounded the further into the building you go and the more of the exhibition you see. Taehyung is truly talented, the images blown up and displayed on the wall each capturing a certain emotion that you don’t have a name for, yet is so familiar that each time you see a new one it gives you pause. Viewing his works, seeing into this part of him and witnessing this bit of his soul he has bared, you can’t help but feel a slight sense of kinship. 

It’s something that rests in the space between your lungs and diaphragm, something that tickles but also something that aches. You do know this feeling, so familiar yet so out of touch and far from the tip of your mind’s tongue. You do try to guess the theme of the exhibition as you go, throwing out the occasional dumb guess to elicit a laugh— he always laughs, and it always makes you smile— but you don’t quite manage to pin it. 

“The five senses,” you shoot into the dark, standing before an image that has made you stop and stare for a good five minutes now. It’s not quite black and white, and it’s not a particularly unique image— but something about the composition, something about the movement in the two hands that are so close yet so far from actually touching, speaks to that hidden part of you. The way one of the hands simply hangs, unbothered and neutral, but the other, the one slightly closer to the foreground, has fingers ever so slightly outstretched, reaching but never quite committing to the movement and the unspoken consequence of the hinted action. 

Of course, you know the answer even before Taehyung says it. He laughs, hands in his pockets, “Nope, ddaeng.”

“This is hard,” you whine, without much heart behind it. The smile stays on Taehyung’s face.

“Whatever. You’re smart, I know you can guess it. It should be easy, for you.”

The compliment catches you off guard, and you have to turn away so that he doesn’t see your cheeks warm. The two of you had parted when you caught sight of the snacks table; you’d been prepared to abandon him and make a beeline over, but Taehyung had surprised you by marching over himself and coming back with a loaded plate. He’d confessed with a sheepish smile that he hadn’t had lunch, and really you were in no place to judge since you hadn’t either. By this point in your journey, though, the plate is almost empty. There’s only two tiny cupcakes left and you’re letting the rest of the things you scarfed down settle before you go in for more. 

Perhaps it was a little dangerous, coming here with Taehyung. He looks so fine, even while shoving sweets in his mouth, that you spend about the same amount of time looking at him as you do at his artworks. It takes all of your willpower to tear your eyes away every time you catch yourself looking at him and admiring the truly boyfriend fit he has donned for this occasion. Every so often he will simply stand before one of his works, scrutinising it with a fresh perspective and ever-criticising eyes, and the sight of it will make something nameless and foreign well within you. You don’t quite know what to do with it, so you ignore it. Or at least, you try to. 

It feels a little too similar to what you know of yearning. It leaves you confused.

You stop not long after in front of another piece, this time a combination of three images that act as separate snapshots of smaller parts of a larger image. You admire the way he has set it out, revealing not too much but just enough that the viewer gets a sense, a feeling, but isn’t confronted with the message. It allows everyone to take their own sensation from it. You like that a lot about his works— he doesn’t tell people what to feel as they view his images, but merely hints, prompts and nudges. He sets the stage and allows people to take what they need, see whichever bits draw their eye most and spell meaning from elements of their choosing. He’s talented, you find yourself marveling again, so incredibly talented.

But still, you can’t put a finger on what the theme is.

By the time you make your way completely though the exhibition, having doubled back at a few points to look again at a select few of the pictures, you’re still no closer to guessing. It has you deep in your thoughts as you stand outside, waiting for Taehyung to return from thanking one of the guests who had recognised him for coming. 

“Guessed it, yet?”

You turn, pinning him with a look that you hoped didn’t look as dumb as it felt. “Leave it with me,” you say. “I’ll figure it out eventually.”

At your words, Taehyung laughs— it’s one of the full-bodied ones you’ve come to enjoy, where he throws his head back a little and shakes his hair back into place after. You have to snap yourself out of it before he catches you staring. 

“I’m sure,” he says, unable to keep the cheeky grin off his face. It does slip ever so slightly though, just for a moment, as you watch a thought cross his features. “By the way…”

You tilt your head, waiting for him to continue. You feel an odd combination of at-peace, and unsettled. Holistically, this is the most at-peace and relaxed you’ve been in weeks. However, when you take a moment to tune into the inner machinations that make up your being… something in this exhibition has reached into your insides and fiddled around, moving things where they shouldn’t be and touching things that aren’t meant to be touched. It’s odd, and you acknowledge that it gives you quite a bit of cognitive dissonance. Even so, you’re calm enough that you have no trouble being patient while you wait for Taehyung to continue and say what he seems so nervous to say. 

“Um, I know I initially only asked you about coming here, to the exhibition…” he begins, reaching to rub the back of his neck in what you recognise to be one of his nervous ticks. “But, I actually have these vouchers I won in a competition a while ago for a paint-and-sip session that are about to expire, and I was wondering… would you like to go? Now, I mean. Since they actually kind of expire tomorrow. Unless you’re busy, because if you are that’s—”

You decide to put him out of his flustered misery, reaching to nudge his arm. “Of course, that sounds fun! Plus, you were right the other day; I could really do with the chance to relax. Thank you, for all this. I really appreciate it.”

It takes a second for your words to register, but when they do the most blindingly bright smile spreads across his face; he’s practically beaming at you. 

“Of course,” he says, with barely a moment’s hesitation. “I’m really happy you agreed to come— I’m glad you said yes to the paint-and-sip, too, because it’s one of my favourite places. Come on, let’s get going. If we get there at just the right time, we can get a really good seat, hopefully by the window.”

The journey continues, Taehyung leading you through the city while chatting easily all the while, a stunning twilight cityscape backdrop and the gentle glimmering surface of the river meandering through buildings providing the perfect scenery. If you had a little more faith in your artistic ability, you might try and paint the image you see now; Taehyung in the colours of dusk, soft and natural against the bright lights and harsh lines of the metropolitan landscape. But alas, you aren’t as talented as the man besides you, and you don’t even want to think of how it would turn out if you attempted to paint such a thing. You quickly throw the thought from your mind before it can linger and get up to more trouble than it’s worth. 

“Here we are!” Taehyung’s cheer breaks you out of your stupor, bright smile directed your way once more as he stops in front of a large establishment with long strips of window and a colourfully sewn awning. 

‘Brush & Bar’, the cursive, neon sign reads above the door, flickering between soft pink and peach orange. It’s an interesting aesthetic the place has going on, but when you look over and catch sight of Taehyung once more it suddenly makes sense why he likes it so much. The style of this place is very similar to some of the more outlandish things he tends to model around campus. Before your reverie lets you remain abandoned outside, you hurry to follow after the ashy-haired boy, grabbing the back of his jacket when you almost trip over the door frame. He spares a look over his shoulder to make sure you’re okay before he continues, moving towards the counter and smiling with more charm than you can personally handle at the staff member there. 

It’s a woman, who you suspect is in her mid-thirties, and she is pretty enough that it takes you by surprise when she rolls her eyes heavily at Taehyung’s approach. 

“You again, boy?” she asks, though it sounds more rhetorical than anything and you catch the slightest tinge of humour accenting her words and it soothes your hackles. “Don’t you ever get sick of hanging around here?”

“Nope!” 

She cracks a smile, lines appearing at the edges of her eyes. “Well, I suppose that’s a good thing. We’d miss you an awful lot if you ever stopped showing up here.” Her eyes flick ever so slyly to you, and then back. “Say, is today the day you’re finally gonna make good on those vouchers you won? I know you said you were waiting for the right chance to ask that g—”

“Yes!” Taehyung cuts in loudly, eyes wide and cheeks flushing darkly. “Yes, yep! I brought the vouchers! They do expire tomorrow after all!”

The woman, Bora as you now see from her nametag, simply smiles, something sly about the action intriguing you. Taehyung clears his throat, reaching to scratch the back of his neck sheepishly. “So, um… I will use them now. Is the window seat free…?”

Bora nods, a fond curve to her lips now as she rummages around behind the counter and takes the offered vouchers from Taehyung to punch holes in them. “Your favourite spot? Of course. I had a feeling you were coming, too, so I’ve already gone and set it up with some canvases and acrylics.”

She hands the vouchers back, and Taehyung slips them into the pocket of his jacket.  “Paintbrushes and jars are in their usual place, and I know you don’t normally drink while you’re here but if you’d like some tonight just take your order up to Kyungsoo. Oh! And tonight’s special for snacks is tea cakes, so definitely make the most of that. There are some good ones in the display.”

At the mention of food and alcohol, your gaze had already started to wander on its own— you catch sight of the display of cakes and other sweets and feel your mouth water. Ridiculous, since you were kind of full before, but what can you say, you’re a complicated woman. Lots of layers, not unlike an onion. The thought almost makes you snort.

With a gentle nudge to your arm, Taehyung is bringing you back to the present moment and leading you over to the window, where a medium-sized table has been set up with two square canvases and a basket of paint bottles, palettes leaning to the side. Taehyung instructs you to take a seat, informing you with a smile that he’ll grab some paintbrushes and water for the two of you to use. At his suggestion, while he is gone you open up your phone and search for something to paint. Something that’s not too hard and not too easy. Because your skills are… well, they’re not nonexistent but you’re not about to go around tooting your horn in front of someone with actual art skills and talent. Apparently there is usually an image supplied for each night, but Taehyung says it’s not strict and that tonight is one of the nights where all the patrons just have free reign. 

You sort of get distracted part way through the activity, eyes subconsciously seeking Taehyung’s leather jacket amongst the decently filled establishment. It’s really quite nice inside, actually; the walls and general decor are soft and neutral, with pops of colour everywhere that bring each corner and table to life. A lot of the furniture is wooden, natural and polished underneath specks of paint that decorate in layers that tell of time spent well. The lighting is soft with the exception of the bulbs stationed above each table, which are brighter and angled towards where the canvas would be. On one of the walls, the one near the bar, it is completely covered by greenery— vines that, as far as you can tell, aren’t actually fake. A soft, almost jazzy tune filters lightly through the room, complemented by the low hum of chatter and paintbrushes hitting glass. You’re incredibly impressed and, admittedly, you like this place a lot. It has the kind of vibe that just… makes you content. 

“Here we go!” 

You startle at the sound of Taehyung’s low register, looking over to see him placing a bundle of paintbrushes in between the two of you and a jar beside each of your canvases. He takes his seat across from you, smiling brightly. “Did you decide what you want to paint?”

You hum, turning your gaze out the window for a moment to see if it grants you any inspiration— it’s a gorgeous sight, the twilight sky broken by the outline of buildings with glimmering insides, but it doesn’t help much. You don’t know what you want to paint. Of course, there is this big, expanding feeling inside you, the urge to express it somehow filling you to your fingertips, but what do you do with it? You don’t even know its name.

“No,” you answer, reaching for one of the palettes propped up to the side. “But I’ll be okay. Maybe I’ll just see where the vibe takes me.”

The smile Taehyung gives you at that is softer than most, and he eagerly follows suit in grabbing a palette and beginning to set it up; he squirts a big dollop of white, blinking at it for a moment as though he hadn’t intended to put that much. “There are some pencils and erasers to the side there, too. I prefer the moldable one.”

You thank him for his advice, before realising as he puts his own pencil ever so lightly to canvas that he hadn’t told you the subject of his painting. “What are you going to paint?”

“A secret,” he says, leaning around the canvas to grin at you. “Since I don’t know what you’re painting. Let’s swap paintings after, though. I do want to see eventually.”

That makes you laugh, but you don’t bother pushing further. A surprise is nice every now and then, you know. So long as it’s not the kind that ruins your life as you know it indefinitely.

But you’re here to have fun and relax, so you’re not going to get into that. You’re not even going to think about it. 

Taehyung clears his throat, catching your attention immediately. “Right, before we start we should probably order. Did you—”

“No need, my boy!”

Two new figures appear at the side of the table, one a youthful man on the shorter side, the other older and plumper with grey beginning to speckle through his hair. The shorter one places two drinks onto the table, colourful cocktails in a generous glass, and the older laughs before placing down two plates, each with a different kind of cake slice situated neatly in the middle.

“On the house,” the man continues, chuckling at the shocked and somewhat flustered look on Taehyung’s face. “You’ve given us a lot of business so don’t even worry about it. Plus, we heard you were finally making the most of those vouchers so… here’s a little something to start the night off well!”

“...Thanks, Mr Kang,” Taehyung finally manages, shooting them a smile that could honestly give Hoseok’s own a run for its money. “You too, Kyungsoo. Do…. do I wanna know what’s in this?”

He’s gesturing to the drinks, a somewhat fearful look on his face. The shorter man shakes his head, thick brows curved in mirth as his lips twitch into a lopsided smile. “Nope. Tastes good though, so you got nothing to worry about.”

You can’t tell whether Taehyung is relieved or concerned, and so step in to save him a moment of reprieve. “Thank you so much— this all looks amazing!”

Happily, the two men soak in your praise. “I assure you,” Mr Kang says, patting his chest proudly. “It tastes as good as it looks.”

Kyungsoo snorts, but doesn’t disagree. He gives the two of you a small smile. “Right, we should be on our way. You two enjoy yourselves, and if you want refills just come let me know.”

Taehyung nods, thanking them again, and then it’s just the two of you once more.

“Well,” he says, licking his lips and reminding you of a puppy as he stares intently at the slice of strawberry crepe cake, decorated with a generous drizzle of syrup and two fresh, sliced strawberries in a dollop of cream beside it. The other one, a coffee-caramel blend you presume from the heavenly aroma reaching your nose, looks just as good but is nowhere near as successful at capturing his attention. “I guess… let’s begin!”

Whether he meant painting or devouring the food, you end up doing a bit of both. Each mouthful of cake that enters your mouth is announced with an explosion of flavour so rich it lingers long after you’ve swallowed the mouthful down. The drinks, too, are delicious. Fruity but not too syrupy or sugary, you suspect Kyungsoo had used spirits and tempered the fruity flavour with a bit of lemon or lime.

You still aren’t really sold on what to paint, but in the meantime you end up sketching out the flowers that sit on the windowsill a little behind Taehyung. They don’t seem too complicated, and if they end up looking terrible you can just smear the canvas with paint and call it abstract. Of course, part of Taehyung’s shoulder cuts the vase off from view so he’s probably going to end up making an unwitting appearance in whatever mess turns up on your canvas. 

Even though neither of you have any idea what Kyungsoo put into those drinks, you’re sure its something strong. Before long the two of you are already giggly, conversation flowing easily as you put paint to canvas and attempt to make something decent. It’s around the time the two of you are almost finishing your drinks that the conversation takes a delightful turn, which consists of Taehyung telling you about his little fluffball, Yeontan.

“Oh my god,” you say, fingers gripping the paintbrush tight as you try to pet the urge to pet a dog that isn’t even here. “He’s so cute! Look at his grumpy little eyebrows!”

Taehyung laughs, having taken a break from painting to show you his dog like a proud parent. He takes his phone back and slips it into his pocket, paint-flecked hand returning to the brush he’d abandoned. “He’s such a smart dog, but he’s also super dumb. Runs into shit all the time. And there was one time that a friend came over and brought a new camera that he hadn’t seen before—”

Taehyung has to pause recounting the story, he starts giggling so hard. It makes you erupt into laughter as well simply because of how contagious the sound is. “He got so mad, he ran in front of me with his little legs and started barking at it like he was trying to protect me. I love that little dog.”

“I love him too and I haven’t even met him,” you giggle, using your pinky (the only finger you’re sure you haven’t gotten paint on yet) to wipe under your eyes. You don’t think you let a tear slip but you’ve been laughing so much you can’t be sure. 

Taehyung beams at you from around his canvas, brush held midair.  “That’s exactly what Jiminie says.”

That gives you pause. “Wait— Jimin hasn’t seen your dog? But you’ve been friends for ages!”

You catch the photographer smiling as he delivers a few soft strokes to his painting, affection hidden in his tone as he responds, “Yeah, a few years. Since… the last? Second last year of high school? Maybe? It was a wild start to the friendship.”

“Wild?” you echo, intrigued. 

“Yeah. What really kick-started our friendship was this one time I came over while Jimin was really upset about something. I can’t remember exactly how it happened but we ended up at some wack university event nearby. It was boring as hell, and somehow we figured the best way to be entertained would be to commit a mild crime and get away with it.”

Once more, the ashy-haired male has to pause his story to get the giggles out of his system, taking the opportunity to sip a little more of his cocktail. You do the same, not one to pass up much of any drink these days. 

“Long story short, he ended up streaking across the field and earning himself a title at the university as ‘mooncheeks’ or something equally dumb and funny, earnt himself a bit of a nude legacy.”

You pause, the alcohol beginning to slow your mind just enough that it takes a little longer for you to connect the dot between his story and something you’d shoved so deep in the back of your mind years ago that you’d almost forgotten it.

“Wait—” you smack your paintbrush down, eyes wide as an accusing finger is thrown his way. “That was— he ran into me on the way back! Oh my god I almost forgot, that was you two?!”

Taehyung erupts into laughter that is an octave or two shy of being too loud, having to place a hand over his chest to brace himself. He’s nodding wordlessly, eyes pinched shut, and it’s probably the alcohol making your eyes blur but for a moment you could almost swear he’s glowing.

“Yeah,” he finally manages to articulate, wiping a stray tear or two from his eyes, sniffling. “It cheered him up, though, so I think it’s worth the potential trauma.”

That makes you laugh, another sip of your drink going down. A lot of the spirits must have settled at the bottom, because this one had a little warmth as it went down. 

The night goes so easily it’s like a dream, the atmosphere and alcohol in combination with Taehyung’s company making you feel much like you did before this whole shitshow, back when it wasn’t so hard to release the tension in your shoulders or to muster a genuine smile. Taehyung happily gets you a few refills, refusing to let you pull out your card— which is probably for the best because you’re not sure where your wallet is and you’re not coordinated enough to look right now.

You’re on the further side of tipsy, teetering on the edge of pleasantly drunk where nothing makes sense but you’re still somewhat coherent, and everything is funny. Taehyung has almost dipped his paintbrushes in his drink instead of the jar a few times, resulting in a long round of laughter and sore stomachs each time. Eventually, you’d moved his drink to the other side of the canvas and he’d offered you a sheepish smile. 

Surprisingly, your painting doesn’t look too bad, either. Currently it has a bit of a blurry, undefined quality to it, but in your current opinion it kind of works for it. Taehyung’s shoulder did end up making a feature and as the two of you talk you find yourself distractedly painting patterns in the ‘leather’, swirls and hearts and hell, even a few triangles. Eventually, you reach the point where you think that you really can’t do anything more to make the painting better in the time you have, so with a contented sigh you place your brush down and instead turn your attention to Taehyung.

Even as he talks to you and wobbles a little in place, he’s still so incredibly focused in his work, in every detail that meets canvas at the direction of his nimple finngertips, that you don’t think you even see his hand shaking while he paints. Which, your hand was— a lot. It’s the main factor responsible for this one squiggly flower stem in particular you can see in your painting.

As you sit there, happily listening and laughing at each anecdote Taehyung offers you about his life, you find your mind wandering a little bit. Back to the exhibition, and the works and even the way you caught him regarding them. You recognise the critical lens that he viewed them through, because it’s one you adopt yourself for your own creations. Something wells in you, an urge to reassure him in case he ever had any doubts about his own talent; you’re far too many drinks in to be in a place where you can stop yourself.

“Taehyung,” you begin softly but seriously, with minimal slur. He doesn’t stop his motions, but you see him pause for the briefest moment before humming in acknowledgement. “Taehyung, I have to tell you…”

You’re figuring out how to best word your impression of his works and his talent, but you must take longer than you thought because Taehyung lets out a soft huff, giving you a smile that you can’t quite decipher.

“Don’t worry,” he says, flicking the paintbrush back to rest the wooden stem on his knuckles. “I already know I’m not the muse. You don’t have to worry about convincing me.”

For a second, all you’re able to do is blink. Taehyung simply goes back to his painting, expression neutral and his soft hum brushing your ears beneath the soft melody floating from the speakers. You realise quickly that you don’t know what to say to that, and that the full implications of his words haven’t really sunk in yet. He must have noticed that you’d been trying to go around and convince all the suspected subjects that they aren’t the muse of the poem… you feel oddly ashamed, for some reason. Your cheeks feel hot, and not just from the alcohol flush.

“Done!”

Taehyung’s voice breaks you from your reverie, his cheery smile greeting you once more. “All finished?”

You nod, offering a smile of your own and taking the opportunity to say what you wanted to earlier. “Yep. I’m excited to see yours, you’re so incredibly talented, Tae.”

His smile turns shy at that, a bashful laugh tumbling from his lips as he does his best to clean up his area. You do the same, standing up for the first time in a while and having to reach out and stabilise yourself on the table so you don’t fall. The drinks hit you a little harder than you first thought!

“Thank you,” he finally mumbles a few moments later, collecting the brushes. “I’m excited to see yours, too.”

You let out a short laugh at that, knowing that whatever you threw onto that canvas isn’t going to be able to hold a candle to what he made.

Quicker than you can keep track of, the two of you finish tidying and then before you know it you’re saying your goodbyes to the staff and stepping outside. You shiver at the unexpected breeze that greets you, people along the other side of the street huddling together. It’s a windy night and the breeze carries a bit of a bite.

“Oh, right,” Taehyung starts in place, offering his canvas to you. “Careful, it might still be a bit wet…”

Somewhat mindlessly, you swap paintings with him, smiling brightly before your gaze is drawn to the side. By nothing but absolute chance, it passes over the line in front of a bar popular with students at your university, and you almost blink and move on before your eyes halt in familiarity. At the hands of nothing but stupid luck, there is someone you recognise over there. Yoongi stands, face indicating a loud complaint before it even leaves his mouth, and there are a few others around him that he seems to be with who are laughing as they wait in line.

Your head feels so messy, like the wind has managed to get inside your skull and fling everything about like leaves on the autumn breeze. You’re so distracted in the moment that you don’t see it as Taehyung follows the direction of your gaze, and his expression drops. When you jerk out of your reverie, it’s just in time to see his eyes flicking from your painting, to his, and then back to you.

You’re about to peek at his painting and fill the silence with a compliment, but he beats you to it. Something is different about his expression, and not just because he’s no longer under the warm light of the paint bar. The glow you’d noticed so easily earlier seems to have dimmed a bit.

“Did you figure out the theme of the exhibition?”

At his question you startle, gaze flicking to the side as you try and figure it out on instinct on the spot. You’d completely forgotten to think about it, and considering you spent about as much time looking at him as you did his works while at the exhibition, you can safely determine you’re still nowhere closer to the answer. “Ah… no.”

As though drawn like a magnet, your gaze ends up over in the direction of Yoongi for the briefest second. You struggle to tear it away.

“It’s anaxiphilia.”

Even through the inebriation slowing your thoughts, his words reach you immediately. It’s as though your heart has turned to stone and dropped straight through your chest. That unspeakable, unknown emotion wells and bubbles within you, swelling to twice, thrice its size and blocking words before they can even reach your throat. Your eyes are on Taehyung again, but his are still centred where yours had been— had he also noticed Yoongi? You didn’t know they knew each other...

“Oh,” you finally manage, swallowing down that nameless sensation. Taehyung’s gaze slowly slides back to you, dark eyes full of so much… something, you think it would take you years to unpack and familiarise yourself with it all. 

For a second, the two of you stand with your gazes locked, both of you too deep in your own thoughts to do anything about it. Taehyung is the one that breaks the spell. 

“Well, it’s getting late, I shouldn’t keep you out any longer… There is a bus stop here, and tons of ubers in the area…” His eyes flick away as he talks but return as he murmurs this last bit, “Thank you for coming today. I hope you had fun.”

“Of course I did,” you rush, finally finding your voice amongst the shambles in your head. “Thank you for inviting me, Tae. I really… I really needed this. Thank you.”

He nods, smiling at you, but you notice it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“Please get home safe,” he says, and you nod immediately, making his gaze soften. “See you later.”

“Bye! Thank you again!” you wave, Taehyung turning quick and already a decent way down the street after his farewell. He offers a wave over his shoulder and you catch it just in time before you turn back, gaze unconsciously seeking out the familiar figure across the road. Distantly, you observe that Yoongi is no longer in line for the bar and has switched to the bubble tea place a few stores down.

Taehyung’s exhibition and it’s theme swim through your mind, a sudden impulse welling within you in response that spurs your legs into a motion. You’re about to go across the road in a sudden spurt of something like bravery, but for some indecipherable reason, you stop before you can get more than a few feet. You turn your head, gaze thrown over your shoulder, eyes seeking without an explicit goal in mind.

You catch sight of him just before he rounds the corner and disappears from view— even from the back Taehyung presents a handsome figure, but in the split-second you manage to view him, the most notable things about his retreating form is the slumped curve of his shoulders and the lowered angle of his head. He’s gone before you can blink leaving you for good this time with nothing but your messy head and the one thought that swims to the surface that says after seeing him glow in happiness for the better part of the evening, sadness doesn��t suit him much at all. 

Clutching the painting, your turn back to the front and try and focus on the present for just a minute or two, like whether you’re going to catch a bus or uber it home, but each time you start a new thought it always brings you back to the odd mix of guilt swirling deep in your gut. There’s something else there, the familiar hollow pit of yearning, but for once… you can’t quite tell who it’s for. 

a/n: thank u so much for reading! i really hope it was worth the wait and that you look forward the future parts as fox rain begins to slowly draw to a close!! pls let us know u liked it w a like and rb and screaming in our inboxes is always ALWAYS welcome!! thank u !! love u !! <3

#btsghostie #bts x reader #bts series #bts fluff #jungkook smut #bts fic #bts angst #bts x reader series #bts college au #seokjin angst #yoongi angst #hoseok angst #namjoon angst #jimin angst #taehyung angst #jungkook angst #loveletter au #to all the boys i've loved before inspired #bts crack #bts au #my work #cinnacherie #collab #bros..... zee frothed at the mouth for this chapter #bts smut

[inqilabi]

Those living in Israel terror state as Palestinians can’t be anti-Semitic it doesn’t fucking apply to them ever in the same way you don’t go around calling Assyrians islamophobes for resisting their oppression in iraq and Kurdistan. Use your brain; context is key and your bullshit anon doesn’t apply here so stop weaponizing it and coddling the oppressor it’s not just the state it’s the Jewish people there who have abetted and contribute to it hence existence of IDF.

“Islamic terrorism” and then virtue signaling about anti-semitism anon you are transparent and so is your anti-Muslim bias. Why not mention Judaic terrorism? Because we gone go down the list starting with IDF. People are waking up to your hypocrisy and Arabs are Semitic as well, they have a right to criticize an ideology and a faith, now that is not racist or anti anything.

Yah the antisemitic label applied to westerners protesting Israel is ridiculous enough, but you’re right absolute nonsense when applied to eg., Muna ElKurd. I do think ‘antisemitic’ is a different term & should be reserved for hate crimes against Jewish people and doesn’t apply to Arabs even though Arabs are semitic people because the term specifically is in reference to the Jewish people.

And yah we are far far away from people recognizing that Israeli settlers are complicit 👀 That’s why they continue to come in as settlers like Jacob from Long Island. There’s material benefits & advancement offered by being complicit in the Israeli colonization of Palestine. Of course, they are also indoctrinated from an early age. It’s why they have to serve in IOF. Theres no real left party in Israel, there’s one called Hadash, which I don’t even know much about their membership. I saw an article the other day about how Israeli workers unionized & refused to provide electricity to Gaza unless Israel returned bodies of IOF. There were also numerous videos of tons of average Israeli civilian beating, hitting with their cars Palestinians in West Bank etc. There was may be one protest from a left Israeli party that was shutdown by other Israeli workers. All that to say that it’s not just Israel as a state, but there is no solidarity to be found in the average Israeli settler, because they are part of the state’s settler colonial project. Israeli's would have to go against their own material interest that the state provides them in order to be pro-Palestine.

[herowithbadpublicity]

Jacob highkey didn't give a shit about Eden's gate or any of that shit, but just used it all as an excuse to fuck around with people's brains. I would argue that John honestly believed what Joseph was saying, and obviously Faith was a teenager manipulated/coerced into the cult. But Jacob was like "yah, don't really care, now, ONLY YOUUUU", and then the bastard had the audacity to send his goons after me instead of fighting me one on one. Like, he literally is the most qualified to kick my ass and he's busy taking potshots while I'm trying not to get killed by wolves.

#I have a lot of takes on this game #don’t get me wrong #jacob is a great villain #And I think how angry I got at him during the game proves that #it’s just interesting to compare his approach with the others #Jacob seed #John seed #Faith seed #far cry 5 #farcry 5

[kerikaaria]

If I Never Met You: Chapter 5

(??? X Reader) Idol!AU, Manager!Reader

Genre: (PG13) Angst, fluff 

WC: 2.3k

Warnings: None

Series Masterlist

Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6

Seokjin felt anger boil in his veins after watching (Y/n) run off like that. He barged into the practice room, not even trying to hide his emotions from his younger brothers as he approached them.

“Oh, you’re here, hyung?” Hoseok asked as he looked up at him and became shocked when he realized the look on his face. “Hyung, what’s wrong?”

“Yah!” Seokjin yelled, making them all jump. “What the heck was up with that conversation just now?!”

They were all silent for a moment.

“You heard that, hyung?” Jungkook hesitantly asked.

“Yeah, but it wasn’t just me who heard you.”

The color drained from their faces.

“Noona heard?” Jimin asked, concerned. Seokjin nodded in response.

“Oh no…” Taehyung said, covering his face with his hands.

“I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty disappointed in you guys right now.” Seokjin said. “I can’t believe you would say those kinds of things. You really think that, even if she wanted to leave after her contract is up, you all mean nothing to her?”

Everyone was listening to their hyung’s words attentively, not daring to interrupt.

“I've spent a lot of time with her outside of the company,” the eldest continued, “and I can tell you that she talks about you guys. A lot. She wants to see us succeed, wants to help us succeed. She is always just thinking of what she can do for us, how she can make herself better for us. And you guys have the nerve to be sitting here, talking about how you don’t want to get hurt ‘when’ she leaves at the end of her contract? Did it even ever cross your minds that she doesn’t want to?”

An uncomfortable silence hung in the air while the six younger members contemplated their hyung’s words.

Seokjin sighed. “Look, I get it. It’s not that I don’t. But I thought you guys liked her, had faith in her. Wanted her to stay.”

“We do want her to stay,” Jungkook didn’t hesitate to say.

“Then why are you talking as if you want her to leave? Because based on how (Y/n) bolted down the hall, I’m pretty sure she’s under the impression that you all don’t want her here. It’s bad enough that she heard other people in the company talking bad about her this morning-“

“Wait, what?” Namjoon interrupted. “What happened this morning?”

Seokjin paused. He didn’t mean to mention that, but now that he did there was no turning back from it. “Basically, there were a few people talking about how they think Bang PD-nim made a mistake hiring her and how she’ll do nothing but hold us back and we can’t debut if she’s standing behind us. So as far as she understands, she’s not wanted in the company in general. And now hearing you guys say what you did just now? Oh I’m sure that she feels absolutely peachy.”

Jimin rapidly got to his feet. “Where is she?”

Seokjin shrugged. “I don’t know but I don’t think she can go home without her stuff.” He pointed to her belongings still sitting in the corner.

Namjoon got to his feet as well. “Let’s go find her. We have a misunderstanding to clear up, and a lot of apologizing to do.”

The rest of the boys quickly followed and before long they scattered throughout the halls looking for their friend – if they could even call her that anymore. What if what they said ended up pushing her away from them and she really did leave?

Jimin was trying his best to hold back tears as he started to worry. It didn’t seem like anyone had found her yet and they were running out of places to look. Where the heck could she have gone?

Just as he started to feel like they were never going to find her, he thought he saw the shape of a person out of the corner of his eye. He stopped to look through the window of one of the small practice rooms and sure enough, there she was. He finally found her.

“I found her!” Jimin called down the hall, making sure one of the others saw where he was before they turned the other way to gather the rest of the members. Jimin then opened the door and rushed to wrap her in a tight embrace.

“Noona, I’m so sorry,” Jimin whispered, almost inaudibly. He couldn’t hold his tears back anymore. “We’re so, so sorry.”

The thoughts that kept surfacing throughout the day that I repeatedly pushed back down had nowhere else to hide as I ran down the hall. The conversation I overheard all but confirmed these negative thoughts in my mind, causing them to come rushing back at me all at once.

I wanted to go back to my dorm, curl up in my bed and just be alone. I was about to do just that, when I suddenly remembered that my stuff was still in the dance studio. I couldn’t go home without it, but there was no way I could face the group right now. So instead I found myself a small practice room with a piano in it and sat on the bench.

I covered my face with my hands as I started to feel hot tears spill from my eyes. It’s happened again. I thought I found somewhere I was welcome and people who I could trust to be there for me, but I guess I misjudged. My feelings were all one-sided. I shouldn’t be surprised at this point because it’s always what happens, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

A million thoughts spun around my head, while at the same time my mind felt blank. I couldn’t make sense of anything and I lost track of time.

After a while I heard hurried footsteps outside and a muffled voice. Then I heard the click of the door as it was opened, immediately followed by someone tightly wrapping their arms around me from behind.

“Noona, I’m so sorry,” a familiar voice said. “We’re so, so sorry.”

I did my best to stifle my sobs as I responded, “Jimin, what are you doing here?”

“We’ve been looking all over for you, noona,” the boy responded as he started to gently rock me back and forth in his embrace.

“Why?” I found myself asking without thinking.

I felt Jimin’s arms loosen their grip on me, and I instantly missed their warmth. But he then placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me to face him. I saw that he had a few tears in his eyes as well.

“What do you mean why?” Jimin asked. “We were so worried about you when hyung said you ran off.” Jimin started wiping away some of the tears that remained on my cheeks.

Did he not know I heard what they said? Why would they even be worried about me? I felt so confused and as I was trying to make sense of everything, I heard more footsteps near the entrance to the room. I turned to see the other 6 boys standing at the door.

Seokjin entered the room and placed a gentle hand on my arm. “(Y/n), it’ll be crowded in here if we all try to fit. Let’s go back to the dance studio, hmm?” He carefully guided me to the door and back to the studio, with the rest of the group following closely behind. When we returned, I sat on the couch and watched as the boys all gathered around me.

Suddenly, they all bowed deeply and Namjoon spoke up. “Noona, we’re so sorry for what we said.”

So, they did know I heard.

“We didn’t mean to hurt you in any way,” Taehyung chimed in as they all resumed a standing posture.

“We just thought you weren’t going to want to stay here after your contract was up,” Hoseok explained. “You’ve been having such a hard time balancing everything. And we were worried that you didn’t want to stay.”

“So, we were just saying how we were worried that if we got close and you left, we’d be sad about losing a friend,” Jungkook said as he walked closer and grabbed my hand. “We didn’t mean to make you think we don’t want you here. We really do.”

Jimin and Taehyung came over to sit on either side of me on the couch.

“We don’t want you to leave, noona,” Jimin said.

I mulled their words over in my mind for a silent moment. I wasn’t used to this. Their words felt so sincere. Trying to churn my mind back around from all the negative thoughts that had been swarming through my brain was really difficult, but the strong sincerity of their words rang right through them.

It’s not that I didn’t, or don’t, have friends. I do. But out of all the people I called my friends in my life, very few truly were. I wasn’t popular and that never bothered me. But so many people I trusted had turned their backs on me, often during a time when I needed a friend the most. And then others pitied me, thinking I was a nice girl and it was a shame I didn’t have friends. So they let me hang around them, let me think they were my friends when later I eventually realized they were just being nice. I didn’t hate them for it, but it was still a really hard truth to swallow when I finally figured it out.

The thought of not just one, but six or even seven more people I had come to trust and started to think of as my friends having done basically the same thing to me all over again tore my heart apart. I haven’t known them for long, and maybe it was my fault for coming to trust them so quickly, but they were so warm and welcoming I couldn’t help it. I wanted it to work, I still want it to work.

“I’m not leaving,” I finally responded, my voice weaker than I expected. I kept my gaze fixated on my lap, but I could feel all seven of them looking at me. “Or rather, I didn’t want to leave.” I took in a shaky gulp of air as I steadied my breathing. “I wanted to stay with you guys. I was starting to think of you guys as my friends, and I-“ my voice broke a bit. “I got ahead of myself I think. I always do that…”

“What do you mean, noona?” Yoongi asked.

I looked up, seeing that everyone had come closer to me at some point while I was thinking. The rest of group were now keeling on the floor in front of me.

“I’m not…” It was hard to find the words. “I’m not someone who people want to be friends with. At best people let me hang around them and let me think they’re my friends because they feel bad for me. But I still always jump ahead when I think I’m getting along with someone, assuming that it’s going to be different when it never is.”

“(Y/n),” Seokjin finally spoke. “We’re not those people.”

I let my eyes meet his.

“My teammates here might have said some really stupid things,” he continued. “But I promise you, we’re not like them. And there’s nothing wrong with you. Those people just didn’t recognize how wonderful of a person you are.”

I felt Taehyung vigorously nod from beside me, his gaze strong and determined. “We want to be your friends, noona. I mean, if you’ll still let us.”

“We don’t want you to think we don’t want you here,” Namjoon said carefully. “We really do. I’m sorry we weren’t open about how we were feeling. If we were, we wouldn’t have made you misunderstand us. And I understand if you can’t, but I hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive us.”

Everyone remained silent for a moment while I ran the boys’ words through my head. They really did want me to stay? It was hard to comprehend. I didn’t remember ever being told that before. Before, it was always me wanting to stay and others just dealing with me being there. Their sincerity became overwhelming to m and I felt tears make their way onto my cheeks again.

“Don’t cry, noona,” Taehyung said as he pulled me towards him into a hug. “We’re so sorry. We don’t want to hurt you ever again.”

“Really?” I choked out. “You guys really mean it? All of it?”

“Of course we do,” Yoongi finally spoke again. “Why would we put the effort in to lie to you about that?

Hoseok elbowed him and whispered, “You don’t need to say it like that.”

“What, did I say something wrong?” Yoongi whispered back.

I found myself weakly chuckling at the exchange and pulled myself away from the warmth of Tae. “Thank you.” I made eye contact with each of them one at a time as I continued. “And I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions. I’m just so used to people not wanting me around and people leaving me that I guess I assumed the worst when I heard you guys talking. It’s my fault as much as it is yours for not opening up to you either.”

I stood up and walked toward Namjoon to embrace him in a hug. One by one, everyone else joined in. The group hug felt so warm and welcoming, just like they had when I first met them.

Once we let go, I felt like I had to reassure them. “It’s hard for me to believe, mostly because I can’t remember the last time someone was so open and honest with me. But I trust you guys, and I don’t want to lose you. If Bang PD-nim lets me, I’m staying by your guys’ side. I’m not going anywhere.”

Series Masterlist

Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6

Tags: @calling-dips-on-j-hope

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#BTS #fanfic #BTS x reader #If I Never Met You #IINMY #Manager!reader #Idol!au #jin #seokjin #suga #yoongi #j-hope #hoseok #rm #namjoon #jimin #v #taehyung #jungkook #fluff