#everyone needs to stop this shit im tired of it saw a huge ass post talking abt venus signs and gemini venus was only abt being disloyal

[ukiyowi]

Sick of seeing posts abt Gemini Venus which are like, they're not loyal 💔💔 they always have wandering eyes 👁️👁️ man stfu 😭

Anyways last exam today 💪

#taa ily ! #i have 3 gemini Venus friends #me included #and i on top of thay have gemini venus in the THIRD so its gemini Gemini #the most untrue statement actually #the mental stimulation part i get but they find ways to stimulate themselves by getting involved in their partners hobbies and sharing the #hobbies also share their own interests w their partners etc like stfuu #everyone needs to stop this shit im tired of it saw a huge ass post talking abt venus signs and gemini venus was only abt being disloyal #like girl you dont have anything else to say? #i also have gemini mars so these ppl will say I'm even more disloyal ig idek #like all the venus sigjs were like omg so pretty gorgeous strong caring and gemini was just “they're not genuine #they seem disloyal“ #they're “surprisingly” loyal with “the one” girl tf you mean surprisingly stfu lmao #leave fr

[aroacesigma]

do you have any sigzai hcs (or just hcs about sigma or dazai separately)

you're going to regret asking this . headcanons under the cut cause im gonna feel annoying otherwise . most of them are what i headcanon as happening like post canon in a nice world where everyone is alive and happy lol

sigzais <3

ok so to me they are THE transmasc qpps ever . i might be projecting a little but both dazai and sigma are both so transmasc to me. on one hand you have sigma who wears 10 billion shirt layers and a long ass coat and goes on and on about being an ordinary man, and then on the other hand you have dazai who also wears clothes like that and bandages over his chest

hc sigma as oriented aroace with ???? orientation . hes just very confused . theyre so confused . and dazai as bi aroacespec and not particularly averse to any stuff just doesnt feel the attraction most of the time

poor sigma has spent all this time around fyolai like 'god why the fuck are people like this' and then he meets dazai and is like ohhhhhhh. oh .

when sigma joins the ada (and they will u mark my words) him and dazai end up sharing an apartment

at first dazais excited because maybe he wont be living off horrible cooking

unfortunately sigma also cannot cook for shit . he fucking sucks . legitimately the only thing he can cook is cookies in a packet mix .

sigma is unfortunately going through the same phase that kids of controlling parents go through when they finally get freedom, which is making a bunch of stupid decisions . dazai , being the wonderful boyfriend he is, is encouraging all the dumb decisions because he thinks its funny

most of their dates is just going to cafes because sigma has the worlds most horrendous sweet tooth and sigma has no moral objections to guilt tripping him into it

despite being pretty bad at it themself, sigma has a tendency to hit dazai with a pillow until he takes care of himself

vice versa dazai will be a distracting little bitch and wont stop if he thinks sigma is overworking himself

sigma

he/they sigma is so real to me btw just need everyone to know this . they like messing around with neos as well sometimes i think

even though he's pretty much always tired , isnt really a huge fan of coffee , definitely prefers really fancy tea and energy drinks

decided to run with the whole purple thing cause of his hair , abolutely loves the colour. anything he owns is purple if they can get it .

smiles all happy while listening to music in a way that makes you think its something nice . its not . his only musical requirements are loud and screaming to drown out the Anxiety™

not my headcanon but i saw someone say once that they headcanon that occasionally people get an uncanny valley kinda vibe from looking at him cause of his weird origins and honestly i think thats pretty interesting

very happy to join the ada . not quite as impressed by the paycheck .

like , really not impressed by the paycheck . theyre struggling with the dwindling clothes budget . i can totally see him trying to decide whether he wants dinner or new earrings . and probably picking the earrings .

they get along with everyone at the agency really well . a few people dont really trust him straight up but atsushi and dazai vouching for him shuts that down relatively quickly

he gets along the best with atsushi

they have a friendly rivalry with kunikida . agency productivity going straight up just because those two keep trying to outdo each other

dazai

100% has multiple troll accounts online . he enjoys being a menace . not in the mean way , in the absolutely fucking infuriating kind of way

remained in denial (or more oblivious really) about being trans until he was 16 because he asked chuuya if everyone felt like that one time and chuuya was like well yeah (also trans and stupid)

on a related note (this one is kind of about dazai and chuuya but it still counts) mori was kind of like ohhh teenage boys are so much easier to deal with right ? kouyou decided it was best not to inform him that hrt gives you mood swings .

adhd. adhd. adhd.

hes a candy crush mum . its a problem .

eats everyone at the ada's food . but he doesnt eat the whole thing he'll just take a bite . its high up on kunikidas 'things that make me want to string dazai up by his legs and attach him to a ceiling fan' list

has been known to send 12 yr olds graphic violent death threats after losing to them in video games

he has the music taste of a 14 yr old cishet girl . i will let you decide what that entails .

my deepest apologies for making you read all this but i love them both dearly and i have lots of Thoughts

#asks #dreamsicle262 #sigzai #sigma #dazai #ramblings #headcanons i like

[whentheskittlesfightback]

im going to give you all of my dreams. theyre crazy and i have them all in my notes app

ok so i had a dream were were like.. in my room. there was kanaya and terezi and vriska and rose and me. i saw a really long tumblr post about someone saying shitting 2x harder made them less sick. then me and the girls were hanging out. the boys were in my moms room, idk abt the other girls anyways there was alcohol and also a really big bottle of seltzer water that we were not expected to recognize but i did. anyways after drinking our not child drinks as children we were getting silly goofy. i said (basically) "shits crazy. some guy had a big thought and then made like jolly ranchers" and kanaya was like nuh uh anyways later we were getting lanched to the moon by terezi but the thing that was launching us was at penis level so it was funny. anyways right before being launched my terezi my dresm ended. also i said "i only have a coochie so i cant get dicked to the moon"

i dreamed that i was in a school assembly but i was on discord and i joined a server and it qas a server for an event from astrixs server and i sent tome of ypu cont fight the homestuck.in the gen chat and people started singin while i was at school and when i got home they were still gping and it slowly turnef into an au with slimesicle as john and amanda from thst one gamr as a cow and she did a thinv and killed everyone at once nd one of the ppl in the server sand this absolutely banger of a piano song reffering to slimecicle as slimeboy

i had a dream that i was just fucking chilling with like a group of 5 people. also before this i was in a store, that store i keep dreaming about. anyways there was a bunch of slides and they were red, green, blue and yellow. two of the people there were like "we gotta keep this toddler from going down the slides" and i was like "yeah ok good luck" and went to hang out with these to kids. one was blonde and tjevother had black hair. we were sitting on a bench and one was like "are you driving home " ane the other one awnserd and o said "were not old enough to drive" also the 2 girls at the slides saw this weird metal cat spider and they were annoyed by it but it cleaned their "weapons" (a scalpel, a knife, 2 butter knifes, 2 forks, and 2 spoons) and then my dad, some old guy and some tguy came over. the tguy said that they said they needed help and i said "suck it" and i thought "yeaj well you should suck it" and then suddenly we were in a restaurant and we just kinda there but just me n my dad. and then we were in like a school gym and the old bald guy was the teacher and i thought he looked weird and thats all i can remember

i dreamed i had an account called "eebydeeby" with a pfp of a white character and i replied to a comment that said ":33<english, please" with "sorry i was tired". the comment was originally replying to my comment which said "idk. prove it bt giving food to me and all the homestuck characters and uh..." the video was of them dancing with the text "im free"

i had a dream i was goin to the gas station but there was like 5 fucking tornadoes and that all merged into to one huge fucking tornado and everyone got sucked in and then we all died but the dream kept going. this guy tryin to revive us accidentally opened a door and behind it was someone he knew, and boom the end. (also i had a dream i made a binder,+there was a kelideo scope and dolphin museum?????

someone made a sculpture of will wood amd kept saying ross federman idfk

some bitch was afding sobgs to my spotify playlist and i got mad at them and texted them to stop

i dreamed i snuck into an oliver tree concert

and there was a bouncy house slide and left bc why tf would i care and i was striggling also it was like a GIANT empty room with like pale tan floors and white walls and then i was at a skate park w some radom ass kids and i also bought some soda at a gas station

i had a dream that it was cristmsd eve an we were praparing but apparently somthing terrible wad gonna happen and i was eating chicken wing (in hell) but like absolutely DEVOURING THEM becaus eu was panicking. also there was discord from mlp and some random bfdi characters in bubbles ans they were in hell. there wad also a buch if other people. then i wrnt into the bathroom panicking repeating "itsfineitsfineitsfineitsfineitsfineitsfine" and then i woke up for context we were gonna have some kind of celebration so there wad alot of people involved. also ther was this fight scenebat soem point where i pushed some1 off a bridge. he was evil tho. anyways it was kind hard to get up to where he was but i was used to it ig??? it was a store so we just needed some stuff. i cannot under any circumstances remember what the fuck the big terrible tragedy that was gonna kill us all was. also hell was in my bedroom and idfk where the store was. apparently the bfdi character in bubbles (one of which was bubble) bounced into hell where fiscord was just chillin ig???? and were also participating in oir conversation a noticable amount of time kater, like days, weeks, months, idk.

its had karkat and he was nice and also very stupid and suddenly a child and there was jade and she was just being jade and really cool and there was green and orange and a pool and a braclet and sand i think??

i got cool shirts but they werent real :(

meteor shower

i watched a gacha music video and it magically turned into the sisters that kidnapped bob opening a giant present and the nice one running away in one of those weird stripes bgs from gacha life

i tjink there was an asshole cat at some point but idk

i had a dream i was chillin w these random couple at home (nobody else was here exept us) they were really bad a t taking care of kids, rhey let me drink. but we played rhis weird game qhere i ended up having to wear princess shoes and cat ears. but it was kinda fun soo

i had a dream that i was just chilling at my gradmas. (the one with cats.) it was mislty normal but that more cats than usual camoe out. the cats were mostly normal cats but one of them was named blur and it was blurry. i was too scared ro touch him. i also couldnt see shit cause it was too dark. thwre was also this cute orange amd balck kitty woth big green eyes. and one wearing a cowboy hat, and the two real cats. also we werent allowed to turn the lights on and every time we opened our phones to read aomthing it turned on eye comfort and we could do nothing about this. and it was a bad thing. anyways i think the cats could understand humans, and i almost asked blur if i could touch them (maybe i did? idk its all blurry ;3) also blur was gray and magbe har blue eyes?? andbi think they couls teleport. rhe one with a cowboy hat was orange. i think theyre was also a glitchy cat but i think i just mistakef blur for that one.

ok this dream is hard to remember cause its from this morning but ill just say what i remembered. so i was walking on a tral and this like slenderman lookin girl with curly blonde hair (future me here, you KNOW who that was) said she is a cashier at a cafe . i went thru this weird dream transition into the cafe where my mom was (,i was meeting her there) and thats basically all i can remember dor a while. suddenly im in someones house. idk whos but i "decide" (there were absolutely no thoughts in my brain) to eat some random pills! anyways i realize what a just did and decide to chill in the bathroom until i die. yeah so ig i died and thats the end?? idfk

i had a dream i was looking at tiktok about trans boy and yelling abt it for some reason. then i realized i wasnt out to the people aprund me and ran and hid and posted a tiktok about it

i dreamed that i was watching spongebob at a pool and they mentioned gary and a braclet that i apparently owned appeared that said gary. it had little indents that you could put different letters in. there was also a book that had pictures of forests and they were pretty. then the pool started having HUGE ASS WAVES. after a while of that i decided it was too much and ended the dream.

i had a dream that it was mlp but a shadow twilight came and twilight was like "wow i used 2 look like that" and it was just kinda weird cause idk but ??? anways there was like a shadow rainbowdash too and fluttershy suddenly wasnt shy and didn't care about what shadow twilight said bc she changed her name and made it so she cant hear any sentences containing "fluttershy" (also, "i hate you, fluttershy" is a terrible insult.) also trans fluttershy real?! anyways lets talk abt before shadow twilight. it was jusy like normal mlp and i had a dream be4 this that i just remembered that i think transitioned into this one, so yeah

i had a dream me and a group of people were on some sort of school feild trip?? i thing it was normal for the most part, xept when we left. they made us jump into a hole to bring us into a room cause "ut was quicker to leave" but there was no exit and there was a video to watch and i didnt watch. i also kept forgetting ineant alone in the room. there was a window that was covered with slightly transparent material.i could see houses out rhere, and thought if i had an axe i would break out. anyways that transitioned into thr mlp dream so yah, i think it just faded into the other dream like google slides lmao

i had a dream that i was in a car and it was raining so hard and then i woke up into another dream where i was too scared yo open my eyes bc i might be blind. when i eventually got up i was stumbling around and went back to sleep. i was scared of something and then i turned my head 2 the side and opened my eyes really fast but i woke up fr starin at the wall. absolute whiplash snapped my head 90 degrees

i had a dream where there was these foir guys who looks like those isflatable guys tht flap around in front of the places that sold cars. they were red blue yellow and green i think. anyways thwy took carevof me but were really creepy anf it gave backrooms vibes. i think i ran away bc the blue guy made me swim and i almost drowned and also i was coverd in cuts so it hurt to swim

i dremed that i was goin 4 a walk up alot of stairs. there was thousands if the same phone charger sticking out of a tree which the stairs were on. somw kids asked for one. they were numbered so i wrote down the number so i could but it back later. i thnk it was like 2673. i woke up the bext day.then i got in a bus so i vould eat fiod i had.it was empty but became crowded eventually. it started moving. i went to ate my food. it was moldy and mostly yogurt tbough so i didnt eat it. i heard lwt i grow from the lorax being sung cause we were passin through thneedville. my dad called my name bu i thouth it was part if my dream. granny norma was being weird and saying thisbthat old people say when thyre tribg to sound cool while every1 was singing. she mentoined a homestuck character and that she was sad bc she didnt have kids and didnt knos what young people liked. but then dad called my name again and i woke up

#thats like every dream i ever had #these are all cop pasted directly from my notes app and have terrible grammar bc i disnt try when i woke up

[cupcakesnomnomnom123]

Durarara!! x The Outsider

Crossover

*note* AHHH this cross over is my new thing I swear lol. I don’t usually write fics because I can’t hold my attention down long enough to think about a whole story. I usually like to draw because I love it and it gets my ideas out quicker. But I can’t stop thinking about this scenario and the dialogues between the characters that I have to let it out! This is my first fanfic so please be gentle but still love some criticism to my writing. ☺️ also THANK YOU for the support for the other post. I’m glad y’all like it. Also! Not going to be too much Shizaya yet. I wanted to be more Tom and Shizuo friendship centric here.

<TW> mentions of murder, child rape, cannabilisim

(Scenario: News has spread all over Japan of a brutal sexual assault and murder case of 10 year old Misaki Suzuki in Ikebukoro. Details of the murder was leaked to the public early leading to Tom Tanaka arrest while the public and social media are pushing for his death sentence. Tom is waiting to be put on trial. Shizuo visits his accused friend in jail )

Seeing Tom after a week since the… incident.. it looked like Tom aged 10 years. Shizuo sits down and picks up the phone on the left side of the wall and sees Tom so the same. They wait till security leaves and they were alone.

“Hey Tom.. are you okay?…. Wait, shit uhh sorry…that’s a dumb ass question to ask. How are you holding up?”

“…Not very good honestly… who knew being hunged over, fired and being put to jail on the same day really wears a person out haha…”

Tom laughs to lighten the situation but Shizuo can tell it’s fake and self depreciating. Shizuo raises his right arm and tries to rub the exhaustion from his eyes. He looks earnestly at Tom.

“You didn’t do it.”

Tom drops the small smile he had and his eyes showed what he truly felt inside. Completely hopeless.

“Why do you think that? You even said you saw me. Everyone thinks I did it. Even my family. I know they do…my mother refuses to answer the phone. And she always answers the phone. Hell I’m even starting to believe it too. “

“No”, Shizuo says sternly,”it doesn’t add up. I told the police I was with you most of that night. All those fucked up things that happened to the kid. It doesn’t even make sense….you couldn’t of been the one to do it. I’m sure there were cameras at the bar we were at. You couldn’t be at two places at once Tom. That’s impossible”

“A lot of impossible things happen in this city Shizuo. I’m staring at a guy who can lift trucks with no problem”

“This isn’t the same thing.”

Shizuo hates that Tom is feeling this way. He’s upset and pissed at the whole situation. He was pissed the whole time the police was questioning him. He doesn’t have a problem with them per se, even with his bad history with them. It was the repetitive way they were asking the same.damn.questions. Over and over just said differently. It was to see if he would change his story and it was getting on his last nerves. They were betting on Shizuo to give up Tom because they got DNA evidence and even bite mark evidence. All matching down to the very last tooth. But he hold his ground and kept telling them the truth. The police were obviously getting annoyed but he didn’t give a damn. They were trying to get justice for Misaki. They wanted to blame the person all the signs who is pointed at. It made sense. He still would of beaten their asses. But would not helped his or Toms case at all.

He first thought was Izaya since he’s always the cause of all Shizuos problems. This time, it didn’t have izaya’s stink and it didn’t sit right with Shizuo. Izaya usually makes himself known that Shizuo is the bane of Izaya’s existence. The flea is a coward and ruin people’s lives, however…. this… even he thinks izaya doesn’t cross a certain line.

After dealing with the police for hours he went home but he couldn’t get much sleep. The image of Tom running away covered in Misaki’s blood burned in his mind. When he did sleep he wake up having nightmares of finding Misaki body in that dark alley over and over. At the time, he didn’t knew what he saw being he was buzzed from the night of drinking .He didn’t know it was the little girl till he saw the face. The body itself was almost unrecognizable. The body was mangled and ripped apart like a huge animal had gotten her. She was close to Akanes age and sometimes in his dreams both their faces will merge together staring at Shizuo with those same cold dead eyes. That wasn’t the worst part of his nightmares. The absolute worst part was imagination giving him vivid images what the Tom imposter did before Misaki’s murder. He wished he didn’t know..

“Didn’t you also hear from the police shizuo.?,” Tom avoids his eyes.”They also found my DNA all over the scene. They found dna in the building, the van, clothes, inside-

Toms stopped when his voiced hitched a little.

“…the cops showed me pictures…..They were trying to get me to confess but I really don’t remember after I was drinking. I shouldn’t kept drinking. You were right I should of stopped after drink three I should-“

“Hey”. Shizuo says in a harsher manner than he intended.

While Tom tries not to completely break down in front of Shizuo, Shizuo looks at the situation with pure anger and frustration. He can feel the familiar burning feeling simmering beneath his skin. He’s used of being feared like a inhuman beast he is. People feared, and held animosity towards Shizuo. He’s used to that. But Tom wasn’t. Tom literally has the whole world against him right now.

“You don’t deserve to be here..” he almost whispers in the receiver. “ you’re not the monster everyone says you are. I know this not because I was with you most of that night. I know you. We wouldn’t be friends if you pissed me off.”

Their was silence between them. The pause went on too long for Shizuos liking. Toms smile was tired, a little shaky when he sighed but grateful. It was a sigh of relief someone was there at their lowest.

“I think this is the first time you called me one. I was wondering if you ever referred me besides being your boss.” Tom closes his eyes while slightly leans back in his chair with his arms crossed and one side of his mouth perked up. “It feels weird getting the side of being pepped talked at but….” He looks at shizuo with thankful eyes

“Thanks…for getting angry that night. Well, for my behalf. Honestly, that’s the most nicest thing someone has done for me so far since I’ve been in this cage. I’m glad I still have you as a friend. Though I’m not your boss anymore.”

Shizuo doesn’t let too many people in his life in because of the fear of him accidentally hurting them. But this is Tom. Who was their for him at his lowest. He helped him to get most of the thugs off him during middle school. Gave him the suggestion to dye his hair blonde. Given him a job where everything else has failed. Even with izaya interfering with most of them, he knew his temper alone is the first cause of them. Tom helped him so much more than Shizuo deserved. Tom was the last person to be in this fucked up position. Even with the limited pool of relationships he has, he knew when a friend needed him. So he said what he knew he can do best.

“I’ll kill the asshole who put you in this mess. You didn’t kill the girl. I will prove your innocence one way or another. No matter what. I’ll be honest, I’m not sure where to start but I will find them.”

He can’t ask Tom to trust him. He’s afraid to ask. It would be too much faith to ask he had on him when he didn’t had that much faith in himself. Back of his mind, he’s afraid to fail. The voice nagging him, telling him he’s a fuck up. He’s nothing more than a beast destroying everything in his wake. But he’s gotta try. He’s too scared of the alternative option. Tom dying alone believing he’s not worth saving. So he squashes, pushes, kickes and punches that voice back as far it can go. Tom needed to see he’s trying. Tom just smiled at him.

“I trust you on that shizuo. I don’t usually go for violence but this is a special case. I wish I can be there to witness you do it. You still owe me a drink.”

“You still want to drink after this?” Shizuo jokes. Tom smiles a little wider and puts his left hand on his chin in contemplation.

“Hmmm You right. I’m done with drinking for a while. I’ll just settle with trying not to get killed in prison.”

*Aannnd that’s it! Im not sure how much I can do writing before I burn out but the dialogue is the fun part. Doing backgrounds will forever be a fun and the bane of my existence. I hope I stayed IC. I want to do a scenario where shizuo and izaya will work together but my brain will go straight to fluffy moments lol. *

#durarara #shizuo heiwajima #drrr #the outsider #stephen king #orihara izaya #tom tanaka #fan au #fan fic writing #my artwork

[hwangskz]

in another life (pt. 1) | soulmate! minho

part 1 of the uwma! au series !!!! i was so excited to get this up bcs, if u hadn't realised alrdy, i LOVE uwma with my entire heart :( (ps if any of u watch any bls or even just uwma pls hmu thank u) and pls read this post b4 or after ur done reading this fic so u don't get confused in the next part!! +++ tw suicide !

• "y/n….do u like him?"

• ur automatically reminded of the time u first met

• u remember it as clear as day

• u both had taken film as ur major and on the first day, ur college held a lil gathering

• u picked up the nearest headband and read it's label

• 'belle'

• so….were u supposed to find ur beast now???? JSGSSHE THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID

• BUT UR RUNNING OUT OF TIME !!!!!!

• "10 seconds to find ur partner!!!!"

• u looked around bcs u were NOT standing in front of that huge crowd, later trying to find ur partner

• when a boy caught ur eyes

• he stood on the side, his hand limply holding the blue headband as he looked around

• and he looked ?? sad :( ??

• "last 5 seconds!!!"

• u turned around one last time and ?? EVERYONE HAD FOUND THEIR PARTNERS ALREADY??

• so u RAN towards that boy

• and caught him off guard as u pulled him down to sit on the ground as the announcer continued talking and giving out future tasks 

• "hey."

• "???"

• wow this boy is worse than YOU at communicating

• "are u sure we're partners??"

• "..."

• "right, yea. i was the one who dragged u..haha..sorry.."

• so u pulled his hand up to view his headband

• 'prince adam'

• u probably looked really confused rn bcs u just made the guy speak up

• "beast."

• u looked up, OBVIOUSLY confused

• this new voice box working??? wonder whose it is

• ":o huh?????"

• he sighed and held it up for u

• thank u nameless boy bcs ur hands kinda WERE getting tired JDKHD

• "prince adam is the real name of the prince in disney's beauty and the beast."

• ":OOO REALLY???? wait but how do u know"

• "..... google?"

• "... RIGHT sorry haha"

• even after the lil gathering ended and u got to go to ur class

• ur mind was still thinking abt the guy

• u probably didn't even notice u had entered the class w that DULL ASS look until

• "ouc- WHO THE F-???????"

• "still in ur dreams?? lmao dumbass"

• ":O SHIN RYUJIN"

• "this group needed the following of a sane person so im here too. hello to u too, y/n"

• "MISS YEJI??? PEOPLE THAT I KNOW AND CHERISH????? ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚ OMG HELLO TO U TOO"

• and there it was, once again, ryujin trying to get ur over affectionate ass off of her as yeji laughs 

• well iN UR DEFENSE, U MISSED UR BEST FRIENDS AND MEETING NEW PEOPLE TERRIFIES U

• and when u take a seat

• u can't help but follow the movements of the boy who enters the class

• his moves aren't rushed; they seem calm. too calm.

• and that's when u hear all the whispers around u

• "is that blood on his shirt? is he already following in his dad's footsteps?"

• ‘what footsteps?’

• "i heard he dragged his partner today for the freshman gathering today?"

• ‘but i was the one who dragged him..then how-’

• "y/n?"

• "h-huh?" 

• yeji's third call woke u up from ur train of thoughts

• "are u ok?"

• "yea.. i'm fine. dw!!"

• "see i told u they’re thinking abt their fantasy boys and/or girls again it's fine"

• "WH- EXCUSE ME I DON'T FANTASISE!!!!!"

• "yes y/n l/n i totally believe that"

• "SHUT UP RYUJIN"

• ur group's laughters echo in the room, along w the other friend groups'

• except for that boy who now sits in front of u

• u wonder if he's waiting for his friends

• but they never seem to show up

• even though it's alrdy been over 5 months now

• and that pretty boy in front of u is DISTRACTING u from the lesson (๑•ૅㅁ•๑) !!!!!

• and this one particular day..yeji and ryujin were absent..

• so u were kinda lonely anyways

• and hearing ppl continue to whisper abt that guy..it made u wanna talk to him again

• u don't know exactly why ?? but u did

• so u gathered up ur stuff from ur desk

• and sat at the desk next to his

• and immediately u could hear the whispers getting a bit louder

• and he ducked his head and turned towards u

• and u decided to ignore those words, and looked at him, with a bright smile on ur face

• "don't worry about them. i'm here now."

• it was something abt u

• something abt those words that made him feel some type of way

• he took in a deep breath as he looked down and then looked at u again

• "......thank you, i guess"

• u nodded and he turned towards his work

• a small smile on his face

• he had found someone

• "so?"

• ryujin asked u, bringing u back from ur flashback

•"yea..i think so.."

• yeji and ryujin sighed

• ur mind : ALERT

• IS IT BAD??? THAT U LIKE HIM???? (๑´╹‸╹`๑) ??

• "y/n...do u not know abt him..?"

• "(o゜ー゜o)??"

• they share a Look and turn towards u, worried looks on their faces

• OK YEA IT PROBABLY IS,,

• "he's the son of a mafia... that's why ppl talk abt him in such..hushed tones..and basically isolate him"

• "and look y/n..we know that isolating him is truly bad, but maybe get a little away? from him? what if u get involved in smthg bad?"

• u...ur honestly a lil shocked

• not fully by the news that his dad is a mafia

• but by the fact that they think something bad can happen when ur with him

• with HIM

• "but it's his dad who is a mafia. he's not at all like that !! he's a bit shy, and is just scared to express himself. and don't worry, yeji. i am not going to get myself in trouble"

• they muttered an "okay" and leaned back against their chairs again

• "but wait.."

• ryujin spoke up again

• "when did u even hangout w him? enough to, well, get feelings for him?"

• "uh well..that day both of u were absent, i went and sat w him in class..then shared some of my lunch w him when i saw him on the rooftop..and kind of having been bringing him lunch and staying w him..during that time.."

• they laughed, and u could feel the tension easing away

• "never knew y/n's a dom lmao"

• "they seem like a switch tho"

• "SHUT UP"

• and so u did join the guy 

• (who's name u had learned to be lee minho)

• whenever u found him to be lonely

• and even tho minho seemed to be against the whole idea of u joining him all the time

• trust me he's a whole softie inside

• he just ;;;; he gets so happy whenever u come by

• and not just bring him lunch

• and not only during lunch breaks

• but all the time

• whenever he passes by u

• u always greet him, and 

• wave at him and u just feel like a shield from everyone and all the bad things everyone says and he just

• he can't thank u enough

• but it's not just that

• and he knows that

• even when he sees u coming towards him in the library

• sneaking in some food bcs it IS lunch

• so technically u ARE supposed to bring him food

• "hey !! :D"

• u take the chair in front of him

• and take out the food, both of urs, and shove his one towards him

• "WHY-"

• minho shushes u and u turn around to look if u made anyone else angry

• and perhaps...... u DID.... AJSBBE

• so u just duck ur head as an apology and the furious students go back to studying

• "why are u studying rn???? it's lunch!!!!!"

• "ok and??"

• "rest is important!!"

• "what makes u think i haven't rested enough alrdy?"

• "well i've seen u w the book the ENTIRE DAY ??"

• minho sighs, but then perks his head up

• "u..u watch me..?"

• "!! im not a STALKER-"

• minho shushes u again and ur pretty sure the other students r staring daggers at u rn JDVSJE

• "-im not a stalker,, ur in my class.. right in front of me.."

• minho chuckles silently at ur words

• "sure"

• u were flustered until u realised u just

• u just made the biggest tsundere chuckle

• c h u c k l e

• "did u just …….. chuckle at me…….."

• minho looked down, scared to meet ur eyes bcs shit ur rite

• "no…….what makes u think that………"

• u giggle at his failed attempt to delete that successful moment from ur memory

• minho smiles a little

• he was so happy

• even tho it was abt u

• even tho u had made it CRYSTAL CLEAR that u like him

• like at random times u would be like

• "damn i can't believe i fell for u"

• or

• "oh good lord!! i always try to hangout w the guy i like but he pretends to not like spending time with me!!!!!!! what did i do to deserve this !!!!!!"

• and in these situations what does minho do??

• LAUGH .

• he LAUGHS

• just a bit bcs he's still under that tsundere cover JSGSJSB

• but like !!!!!!! in his defense !!!!!!!

• HE DIDNT KNOW IF U TRULY MEANT IT !!!!!!!

• MAYBE U LIKE HIM JUST AS A FRIEND !!!!!!!!!!!!

• AND HE DIDN'T WANT TO RUIN THIS FRIENDSHIP !!!!!!!!

• that too w his first ever friend..................

• little did he know he was truly so engrossed in his thoughts that he had stopped eating and had been staring at the sky above for like ??? more than 5 mins now ??

• "MINHO ???????"

• he flinched and moved away a bit at the sound of ur voice suddenly piercing his thoughts

• "w-what"

• "bitch i thought u died or smthg...u have been staring above for so long pretty sure some flies even touched ur food and it's now UNHYGIENIC"

• his eyes met urs and, as if he got some idea, he suddenly kept his lunch box away to look at u

• "wait im pretty sure the flies didn't sit on the food!!!! it was a joke-"

• minho exhaled loudly before he spoke

• "y/n?"

• "yes…?"

• "can i ask u smthg…..?"

• "sure!!"

• minho inhaled sharply before continuing

• "do u ever feel uncomfortable? when ur with me?"

• u thought for a while, before giving him a smile and answering him

• "why would i? idk if ur referring to the rumors here...or if they're supposed to be involved here but...they don't affect me. firstly, i don't even know if ur dad truly is a part of the mafia-"

• "he is."

• minho was staring at u intently, wondering how u'll respond to this

• "well, uh, nice for him? i guess? but it's him right? not u? then there's nothing to worry about."

• minho shook his head as he tried to look anywhere but at u

• "but what if u ever get in trouble? bcs of me?"

• "that's on me. not u. and if it's through u, or if u ever get in trouble or smthg-"

• u picked his hand up, holding it tightly, which seemed to catch him off guard

• "-i will protect u."

• he could do nothing but give u a soft smile, before turning his head away

• and so did u bcs damn y/n since when did u become so confident huh JDVSJE

• so u decided to go for it

• "y/n, will u be my partne-"

• u gently pecked his lips before moving away real QUICK JSGEJE

• WAS HE ABT TO CONFESS ???????????

• WHY ARE HIS EYES WIDENED LIKE THAT?????????? DID U

• OH NO U DID SOMETHING WRONG DIDN'T U

• "i-i'm sorry….i didn't mean to-"

• and u looked up in time, only to see minho leaning in, before he connected his lips to urs

• it was a slow kiss

• it took u a while to get the fact into ur head that he's right here

• he is kissing u

• and so u snaked ur arms across his shoulders, as he held u tight, even closer

• and when u both pulled away

• both of u were flushed red

• and it did feel kinda quiet so u just

• "damn im glad we have lunch on the rooftop, huh"

• minho chuckled as he moved away

• "kinda ….. yes"

• and so for the next months u continued to tease him with this JDGSJS

• even tho yall are technically dating now uwu

• but he never tells u he likes u

• which is : frustrating

• bcs u !!!!!! UR THE BIGGEST OVERTHINKER EVER !!!!!!

• ENOUGH TO WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP !!!!!!!!!

• and the fact that EVEN THO he's ur bf and u KNOW it, u continue to be curious if he even likes u :(

• so u just slam ur spoon on the table

• which makes him look up

• "what? is the ramen too spicy?"

• u shoot ur head towards him, a pout on ur face

• "do u like me?"

• ".........what"

• JSHSKWKKW

• Y/N PLS

• "u never….u have never said u like me…...and yea sure im not supposed to question this bcs ur my boyfriend and i know that but im sorry i overthink alot and it's just me saying i like u all the time but not u and i just can't help but-"

• "i …….. i like."

• "huh?"

• u shoot ur head upwards at minho, who now gets up to keep his empty bowl in ur kitchen sink, with a grin along ur face

• "u heard me."

• and u wish u could still be as happy as u were on this day

• when he first confessed

• well, half-confessed

• but u couldn't be

• even as he stood in front of u, saying that he loves u

• and he's grateful for u

• u couldn't stop the tears that continued to stream down ur cheeks

• ur eyes could only focus on the gun that he held right beside his temple

• his dad used to send people behind minho whenever u two went on a date

• "he wants me to go on w his job after he resigns" minho had once told on one of ur dates

• "do u want to?"

• "no, obviously-"

• he held ur hand in his

• "i want to be with u"

• then why

• why was he standing there, with that gun

• that stupid gun aimed at his temple?

• today while u had closed ur eyes, wishing for something, like minho had told u when he brought that birthday cake for u out of nowhere while u and minho were having ur date

• u opened ur eyes when u heard a muffled voice screaming loudly

• only to find it was minho's

• which confused u when u saw the hand covering his mouth

• but surprised u, when u saw his dad standing right behind him

• he kept pulling minho away from u

• minho yelled, tried to free himself away

• but couldn't

• until u yelled at his dad to stop

• and minho dropped on the ground, with his wrists red from being grasped so tightly

• u went on and on abt how he has made minho feel and what minho truly wants

• u had shut ur eyes out of fear

• but u had opened them to see what minho truly wants

• death ;

• an escape

• from all of this

• and so he spoke one more time

• "y/n. remember, i love you, okay? i….i'll always keep my promise."

• and then, a gunshot.

• u weren't sure if time had stopped or if it was just u frozen

• but u could only hear a beep sound going in ur ears as his body dropped on the ground

• limp.

• and at once u leapt towards him, sobbing, u fell to ur knees, ur hands grazing his cheeks and gently hitting his chest

• "y/n…. i don't know how to go on…"

• he had told u this months ago, when u guys had been dating for abt 5 months then

• "minho, we'll always be together, no matter what. i, at least, will be there for u, always."

• minho had looked at u with tears in his eyes 

• he rlly was so stupidly in love w u

• "but what if i...die...someday?"

• u sighed and turned to look at the night sky

• at least none of his dad's assistants had found out abt ur place yet

• (thankfully)

• u turned to look at him again

• "then...i'll die too."

• so that's what u were gonna do

• u searched for the pistol, as u blinked several times to focus properly

• when u finally found it, ur hands shakily reached for it

• and then as u aimed it at ur own temple

• the last part of that conversation popped into ur head again

• "then, will we meet each other in next life?"

• minho thought abt it for a few secs

• "probably"

• u nodded

• "i once heard that...when u fall for someone at first sight, it probably just means that we're recognising our partner's soul from our past life….do u think that will happen w us? do u think we'll…. we'll recognise each other?"

• "...i hope so…."

• u both let out a stifled laugh

• and so u stick ur pinky finger out, asking for his 

• "minho."

• "yes?"

• "promise me."

• "promise what?"

• "promise that…...that we'll find each other.."

• minho was abt to argue w u but seeing ur lil pout

• he had no choice but to agree

• "promise."

• and so, another gunshot was heard.

#stray kids #stray kids imagines #stray kids minho #minho imagine #lee minho #minho #lee know #bang chan #chan #kim woojin #woojin #seo changbin #changbin #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin #han jisung #jisung #han #lee felix #felix #felix lee #kim seungmin #seungmin #yang jeongin #jeongin #i.n #stray kids fic #in another life #minho fic

[overthere-in-neverland]

Hey i was wondering if you could do one where the readers band is on tour with all time low and at night she sings herself to sleep and jack listens to her and starts developing a crush on her? You can change it up a bit so it doesn’t suck but thanks :)

AN Hey guys! Sorry it’s been three years since I’ve posted lmao. I think I’m slowly coming back to these. For one thing I’m at my job, and I work graveyard so I’m bored as hell. For another, I really miss creative writing. I’ll update you on my life if you want next time I visit this, but other than that, hello! I won’t be updating the halloween imagines for the time being, especially since I’m trying to come back to this. I know I had one  (1) request to update the side blog fanfics I had going on, but as for now, I’m going to try to do it one at a time. @ my motivation? Where r u (and im so sorry i cannot sleep i cannot dream tonighttttt) Anyways! Also I just realized that it was Creeper who were atl’s opening band on the european mainland tour for lyr and now im emo all over again. The text conversation is in the story already, I just felt the need to make it for you lol

Your POV

I knew we were going on tour with All Time Low. Our manager knew we were going on tour with All Time Low. My bandmates knew we were going on tour with All Time Low. We all were well aware, and now the fans were too. But holy shit, is it surreal. Starting from nothing, playing a max of ten people, then going to 1,000 cap rooms, oh my god is it fucking incredible. Not to mention All Time Low have been my heroes for as long as I can remember.

I’m in a pop punk band, and I play the bass. I’m not quite a singer, but I can do back up. I have three other bandmates. One sings, her name is Maria, one plays guitar, that’s Drew. And we have Allison on drums. Altogether we’re pretty badass.

I had heard in the industry that Jack was a bit of a flirt. Having Drew in our band, we didn’t think much of it. Granted, Maria was engaged, and Allison’s gay, so it’s not like either of them were available. But I knew of Jack’s wiles, so I knew to stay on my toes. We were touring in Europe around the mainland for Last young Renegade, All Time Low’s new album, and it was my band’s first time being in Europe, so we were stoked. We were up at like 8 am, exploring around the city. Though trying to fall asleep is critical, especially jet-lagged. I don’t know about most things, but what I do know is anytime I go anywhere, even if it’s in the same time zone, I’m always jet-lagged. Maybe I’m just always tired?

So we arrived in Copenhagen, Denmark, the first stop on our European tour, and we meet the guys at their bus, and I’m a little star struck. Alex Gaskarth and his iconic hair. I’m not saying I’m in the fandom, but Alex’s brown hair is nothing short of iconic. Especially when it’s longer. Huge throwback to Timebomb era, and hooo boy. That was an era to be alive. Alex was wiping down the table in his bus, muttering about these “good for nothing men, who can’t even pick up after themselves.” Jack is behind him opening the fridge, then opening the cupboards, then opening the fridge, then opening the pantry, I smiled a bit at that. Zack and Rian weren’t anywhere to be found, at least from what I could see, staring down the bus’s hallway. We were to be dragging behind them in our small little van pulling a trailer. Drew coughed, and Alex looked up. “Guys!” he smiled, throwing away his wipe. “You’re here!”

Jack looked over from his rampant searching of food and smiled at us as well. I felt my face grow hot, but tried to brush it off like I was alright. I kicked my other food and looked down at the ground to try and forget I existed for a bit. I noticed Maria smiling at me, probably knowing exactly what was going on. She knew that Jack has always been a celebrity crush of mine since 2008. “What’s up,” he said to us, nodding in our direction.

“We’re in GutterPunk,” Drew responded, usually taking initiative. “Nice to meet you guys. We’ll be on tour with you throughout the mainland.”

“Sweet!” Alex smiled, and came over to us, probably intending to shake our hands. “What’ll you be riding around?”

“We kind of don’t really know yet? We have to go pick up the rental van and trailer soon. We just wanted to meet you guys.”

“Well I’m Alex,” he said gesturing to himself. “And that fiend over there is Jack.” Jack paused from his cupboard raid and waved, then went back to it. “Hope to enjoy your guys’ music and energy out there.”

“Stoked, dude.” Drew shook his hand, and turned to walk away, out of the bus. We were all standing in his way. So he had nowhere to go.

“I’ve been a fan since middle school!” Allison told him, also shaking his hand. “Y/N and I have always dreamed of touring with you guys. It’s been a dream, really. You’re a huge inspiration! At least half of it. Tre Cool has always been my biggest, but don’t sweat it. He’s a fucking god on drums.”

“Here here!” came a voice in the back.

“That’s Rian,” Alex chuckled. “He always makes himself known at any mention of Green Day.”

I thought I had seen Jack peak over at us when Allison mentioned my name, but then again, it was all happening so fast, I didn’t have any idea as to what was going on. I tucked my hair behind my ears and introduced myself to Alex. We talked a bit before we had to go to the rental agency and get our modes of transportation. It was to be about a month in the van with these guys, tightly packed. Thank god we weren’t a ska band.

After a couple days on tour in Europe, I was getting my bearings. I started to get a feel of how it would be like throughout the month. It was a show every night for a couple days, then we’d have one or two days off. Our van broke down the fifth day, and we were ready to call it quits, me being on the verge of tears, and Allison kicking the wheel of our shitty van rental. Alex graciously offered to let us stay in their bus, but we all refused, trying desperately to figure out another way to travel. He insisted.

“Are you sure this is okay?” Maria asked him as we gathered our stuff in their bus

“Oh, it’s fine!” Alex waved us off. “You’ll just stay with us. It’s not fair that we get this huge ass bus for four of us and you guys all have to share that tiny van. Make sure you get your money back though, because that’s bullshit. Jesus Christ, man. I told Fueled that we should’ve just shared a tour bus but they’re all about ‘separating bands’ or whatever. Why we ever signed to this record label I’ll never know.”

“It was your idea,” Zack chimed in. We all laughed. “Well it was! After going to Hopeless, twice, Alex wanted to branch out. Which we all agreed to anyway. It was funny though, because he complained about it every chance he got.”

“I’m well aware of that. But Fueled by Ramen seems to forget that we were once small too! Power to the little people!”

We all laughed again and gathered in their bus to prepare for the next night which was to be a day off. I was nervous, because this meant that Jack would be just down the hall, if you can even call it that, from me. It reached 1 am that night after the show, and we had all gathered in our beds to try and sleep so we could get out and do fun things around France.

I always used to sing myself to sleep to calm my nerves, and after about an hour of tossing and turning, it seemed like that was my only option if I wanted to sleep. I started off by humming softly, in case I would wake anyone up. After about ten minutes of that, and no sounds of stirs happened, I sang quietly. First was Lullabies, which is my go to song to sing when I need to sleep. Something about the line “Sing me to sleep, I’ll see you in my dreams” makes me feel at peace. After I finished with that, I heard the quiet patter of feet. I stopped for a bit, to wait to see if it came again, and when it didn’t I started again. Snuff by Slipknot is another one that calms me down, and I sang that, but right at the bridge I heard the patter again. I drew back the curtain, and saw Jack standing there. He looked scared to see me notice him, and promptly turned back towards his bed, and didn’t look back at me.

I frowned but pulled the covers up. I guess he doesn’t actually want to get to know me. I closed my eyes to try for the.. Was it the fourth time? Third time? I lost count. But I tried once more to sleep. Then I heard the pang next to me of a text message.

I promise I wasn’t trying to listen to you sing.

It was from Jack. We had all exchanged numbers at the beginning of the tour. My thumbs danced over my screen as I thought of what to say.

Don’t worry about it

I just heard it and then i couldn’t stop

It’s fine, jack. Really

Your voice is really pretty tho Can we talk tomorrow? I have something I need to tell you

What could he possibly need to tell me? I was freaking out. And now I can’t sleep even more. Fuck. This was going to be a long night.

I mean I’m awake right now

I can’t really say it right now

Well, what the fuck does that mean? I sigh and then turn around and face the wall. The bus was moving, but I felt like my stomach was moving ten thousand times faster. Him talking to me like this is the first real conversation he’s had with me. Most of the time he avoids me. Whatever it is, I guess I can wait. I prepared for a long sleepless night after that.

When I woke up, everyone was bustling about, getting ready for the day off. “Jack! Y/N!” Rian called down to us. I guess neither of us had gotten up. “We’re going out to breakfast!”

I moaned in recognition, and heard nothing from Jack, so I assumed he had gone with them. I threw my covers off and went straight to the bathroom. When I got out, I saw a tall lanky man with bed head staring at me.

“Uh. Hello.” I said stupidly.

“Hey, uh. About last night.”

“It’s fine if you don’t want to say anything. I get it. I’m a backup singer for a reason.”

“No that’s not it! Um.” He stopped talking to look down at his feet. “Look. I know this is weird. Especially since I hardly know you. But, I’ve actually been following your band for a while. And dude, you’re like insanely hot. And then I find out you’re a good person too? Last night, hearing your singing it made me realize.. Fuck, this is so stupid. It made me realize I’m in love with you.” With the last uttering of  those words, he looked up at me. “Sorry.”

“Are you fucking serious?” I raised my eyebrows, completely awestruck. Jack Barakat, the celebrity crush of my teen years was telling me he was in love with me? When it looked like he in fact, was not kidding, I immediately blushed and looked away. “Dude. I’ve been in love with you since I was like 14.”

A smile lit up his face as he started talking really fast, rambling. “Oh my god! Really? Holy shit okay, so like we can go get breakfast with the others, or we can go get breakfast by ourselves, we could walk down the Seine, we are in France after all. Holy fu-”

I started laughing, but grabbed his hand with mine, since he was waving it all around. “Slow down there, I can barely keep up. Let’s go get breakfast first, and talk this out. You’ve basically been avoiding me since I got here.”

“Well yeah, I didn’t really know how to strike up a conversation.”

I chuckled. “This is weird, huh?”

“So weird.” He nodded in agreement. I realized I was still holding his hand, but I didn’t let go. Instead we walked off the bus, headed towards the cafe for breakfast. My heart was in my throat but this felt right. After the initial break of the ice, he wouldn’t shut up, but I loved hearing his voice. He could talk for hours on end if he really wanted to.

#jack barakat #jack barakat imagine #jack barakat fanfiction #all time low #all time low fanfiction #all time low imagine #band imagines

[bagelbite]

so my thoughts on endgame

yes this does contain spoilers and yes, i will continue to tag any of my spoilers as “endgame”

did i hate the movie? no. it had many very good moments that i will list before i list the problems i had with it

i LOVED all of the humor like they did that so well. like when steve was fighting his younger self and young steve says “i can do this all day” and now steve goes “yeah i know” in this just tired voice. and americas ass. and all of the jokes about rocket being a raccoon. and hulk taking pictures with the kids and then when rocket and hulk were sitting in the back of the truck. when tony threatened to sell all of morgans toys. korg playing fortnite. the whole scott coming back the wrong age bit. hulk having to walk down the stairs. when tony told steve that if he dropped the shield one more time he was gonna keep it. like there were so many parts that were just so funny and i loved it.

i loved all the tender moments. that little moment of friendship between nat and steve where she calls the avengers her family. i was SOBBING when tonys daughter was revealed and at literally every interaction between them. the fact that tony wasnt even going to build the time machine until he saw peters picture and thw fact that he had peters picture at all. tony telling nebula “you won” and her freezing bc shes probably never heard that before. the fact that both nat and clint refused to let the other one die (which was the truest form of love i have ever seen, not romantic but just genuine platonic love. also not that bullshit thanos called love for the very same stone). the moment when clint was looking around for his family and couldnt find them so he was just running back and forth not knowing what to do. im not even going to mention tony and peter’s reunion or goodbye because i was sobbing like a child the entire time. quill thinking for a second that gamora was back. when pepper told tony “we’re going to be okay” and you think she means the world and humanity but she really means her and morgan. the entire interaction between tony and his dad. there were so so many parts that just hit me so hard.

i loved all the heroic parts. carol showing up outside the ship with tony and nebula. steve standing up with his shredded sheild, still fighting on. the fact that steve can fUCKING WEILD THORS HAMMER LIKE BRUH. also that sick combo he did with the sheild and the hammer. the hail hydra moment because steve is so incredibly smart and knows how to work a situation. all of those bad ass women gathering to fucking destroy thanos. the circle opening up and revealing tchalla and shuri and okoye walking out, silhoutted by the light and the wakandan battle cry. the fact that the canons recognized that carol was the largest threat around and firing at the atmosphere to try and stop her and she just fucking rips through them like nothing. carol beating the shit out of thanos and him having to literally hold the power stone in his hand to beat her. that moment where you see all of the heros lined up ready to fight. “i am iron man”.

obviously there are more of every moment, and i loved all of them.

but.

that doesnt mean that i liked the movie. and heres why:

1) thor’s literal character assassination. i reblogged a few posts (that you can find in my endgame tag) that explain this better than i will be able to but bruh. the russo brothers did thor so fucking dirty and it makes me pissed. they made him fat purely for the laughs (which someone pointed out an emphasis on the fact that they literally edited his weight out of the trailers because they wanted to use it as a gag in the movies). also, they blatently ignored and made fun of the fact that thor OBVIOUSLY was grieving and blamed himself for how things had turned out. he has lost literally everything in his life: his home, his father and mother, his brother, his best friend - and now the man who wiped out half of the human population taunted him with his mistake of not going for the head. also, thor literally just went through the whole process of realizing his true power and sacrifing his home in order to protect his people and youre going to tell me that he just decides “mmm imma go to space and leave you all here youre fine without me” like no. also please read this post it makes me so mad its so true.

2) the whole time travel plot. to me it didnt seem well thought out and it leaves so many plot holes. like if removing a stone can create another timeline, i dont think putting the stone back fixes anything. you have still technically created another time line. and like what happened to loki we saw him disappear wouldnt that be another time line??? and like if 2012 or 2014 or whatever thanos came to the present, then wouldnt that create another time line?????? and if steve stayed behind, then thats a whole other time line. like it just doesnt make sense there are so many things that do. not. work. (sidenote: thanos said the infinity stones were reduced to atoms. wouldnt that be reversable by scott and shrinking down into the quantum realm??? this is just an idea)

3) it was predictable. there were SO many times that i was able to tell what was going to happen before it did. like clints family vanishing. and scott finding an older cassie. and scott being turned into a bunch of different ages. and tony saying no and then saying yes. even tony weilding the gauntlet was predictable (i just refused to think about it bc i didnt want to see tony die).

4) steve staying in the past. now im going to preface this saying that im not trying to say that steve didnt deserve it. he did and im happy for him (since this is what the russo brothers have decided to make permanent). steve did deserve happiness and i will even say that he deserved peggy. but. that doesnt mean thats what he should have done. it was out of character for steve (not as bad as thor but still out of character). he would have recognized that the world needed him in the now and he wouldnt have been able to just stay in the past. like steve’s biggest character flaw is that he cant just sit by and do nothing, he always has to act. so now out of no where he just decides that hes gonna screw over everyone in the present and stay behind. like he knows they just lost tony AND nat, two of the og avengers, and hes just gonna decide to leave them hanging without another person???? and hes just going to sit by knowing that bucky is out there being tortured??? ALSO i am absolutely not saying that any part of his talk with sam was unnecessary. i even love the fact that he gave the sheild to sam (black captain america is my shIT HELL YES I AM HERE FOR IT). but. there is no way that steve “even when there was nothing i had bucky” rogers wouldnt say anything to bucky. and i saw someone saying “well they obviously talked off screen” bitch i dont care there are probably thousands of off screen things that happen and thats why we have fanfiction. but the on screen stuff matters and steve just ignores bucky entirely?????? no he fucking doesnt the russo brothers are just afraid to encourage any more interaction between steve and bucky because they fear stucky fans. and im not even saying this as a stucky fan im literally saying it as a marvel fan who knows the smallest amount of steve’s character.

5) tony creating his worst nightmare. tony has said multiple times that he blamed his dad for leaving him and it only makes sense that he would fear having a kid and then leaving them alone. and the russo brothers did just that. they gave tony the life he always wanted and then ripped him from it, creating tonys nightmare at the same time. he has now subjected morgan to live a life like he did, without a father. now personally i dont think tony should have died. did i predict that he was since infinity war (bc of rdj’s contract ending and also it will be very difficult to continue the “next generation” with these huge figures still around), yes. and i know that its unrealistic for everyone to survive in war but so is fucking time travel and they pulled that card. idk i just dont like how they did it.

so overall, i think i loved a lot of the overall moments on film, its just that i didnt like the themes, messages, and character delieveries shown in the movie. im just gonna go watch winter soldier and ragnarok and homecoming and captain marvel and black panther and all the other Actually Good marvel movies.

#endgame #endgame spoilers #avengers endgame #avengers #marvel #mcu #my post #captain america #iron man #black widow #hawkeye #thor #hulk #spiderman #captain marvel #valkyrie #black panther #tchalla #shuri #steve rogers #bucky barnes #winter soldier #tony stark #natasha romanoff #clint barton #bruce banner #peter parker #happy hogan #carol danvers #marvel cinematic universe

[hyungkyun]

(^:

HENLO!!! this is ur actual bday present, not that Gross thing i sent earlier lol. again, do whatever u want with it!! u dont have to post it or anything. it’s just easier to submit stuff like this than to, idk, send u an email like a señora lol.

ok so im doing this in bullet point format bc the last time I wrote a coherent, well-written paragraph was like 5 years ago or smth. anyway!! since u hated soooo much my beautiful, amazing, unique goths au im going with the loser couple au… which was also a college au of sorts?? dskjhksjdf this isn’t even an au, since y’all are already losers tbh (^: this also got out of hand…. this shit is eight pages long. idk enjoy bithc.

first of all, ck the kind of dude everyone’s lowkey scared of bc he’s silent and serious af. also he does seem kind of a weirdo, tbh?

youve seen him around, maybe you’re in the same dorms but u have absolutely no idea what he’s majoring in :o and u ask around but no one has any idea either!! oh wow a mystery~~

BUT he’s kinda cute hmmm (^: and u probably find the weirdo vibe interesting

however it’s so hard to get to talk to him. u always run into him when you’re out with friends or in a hurry to get to class so :///

but destiny works in mysterious ways~~~ and once u meet it’s rly. so unexpected.

actually, it’s awful since u get locked out of ur dorm sound familiar?? during winter break, rly late at night after a long study session at the library yes, the library, fight me. so u kinda just. sit down miserably outside ur room, since ur roommates are gone, cursing everything and everyone. u will eventually go looking for someone to help u out or smth but right now u need to Whine.

but oh my!! enter mister im changkyun!!! that weirdo who actually lives a couple of doors away from u (how come you never found out wtf???)

he sees u basking in ur misery and actually. finds u rly cute??? bc you’re pouting, cursing a little under ur breath, fumbling with ur phone. but u also look angry as fuck, ready to kill a man??? and yet you’re really fucking cute what the hell!!!!

so he comes up to u and asks u what’s wrong, to which u answer not so nicely without even looking up from ur phone, bc you’re rly so done with this situation ://

but then u look up and u See who it is fuck fuck fuck fuckfucbicvufkhkcfj

but since ck’s Nice and he understands that u must be having an awful time (and also bc he thinks youre cute) he offers to help u. you’re kind of skeptical since he’s just another student, what could he do???

until he tells u he knows how to pick locks lmaoaoaoaoa. that lil weirdo (‘:

anyway he saves ur night. but since he’s an annoying lil shit he’ll tease u abt it every time he runs into u for the rest of winter break.

since that day y'all basiclly become an old, bickering, married couple fnsdjdj

u never stop annoying each other…. you’re wearing a hoodie? he’ll probably pull the hood all the way down until it covers ur eyes, and u get him back by messing up his hair which, by the way,is so soft….. hmmmm

u call each other nerd and loser and dumbass all the time lmao. he’ll constantly bring up the way u met just to jokingly say that you’d be lost without him :/// he rly is a lil shit.

it’s funny bc everyone figures out u are falling for each other… except u two. and i rly do mean everyone. ur friends. his friends. ur roommates. ur cat. the janitor, too, probably. it’s so obvious it hurts.

one time someone implies u would be a cute couple and y'all literally go all ‘no???? haha me??? liking that loser??? pfft not in a million years’

it’s the biggest lie, of course (: and ever since that person suggested u would look good together, both of u kind of realize it’d be… nice. more than nice. actually, super nice.

but since both of u are dumb tsunderes,  as ive said before, u will literally be the embodiment of this scene… except it goes both ways. honestly u are so gone for each other it’s GROSS.

but we need some angst up in here so y'all dont get together for a reaaaaaaally long time :/ smh. the pining is Real. ppl come and go in ur lives, and each person u go out with sees that u already fell for someone else—and that’s why all potential relationships don’t last much–, but sdjkfhksjdhk!!! neither of u want to openly admit it.

it’s A Mess bc u are actually good friends and u tell each other abt ur dates and stuff—secretly hoping the other will do something—but y'all looove being dumb so u act like it’s all cool and be like ‘o rly!! good for u, i hope it works out’. right. :/

y’all keep dancing around each other for several months until one Merciful Soul gets tired of ur shit and forces u to sort things out. im talking abt locking u up in some room and not letting u out until u stop pretending u aren’t disgustingly in love with each other. or smthequally cheesy (: u know ilove cheese

((obviously everyone eavesdrops through the door bc cmon, theyve been waiting for this for sooooo long))

at first u two are just annoyed at the Merciful Soul betchait was minhyuk, and u spend ur time yelling and cursing them for doing this (all while claiming that this is pointless, since u have NO feelings for each other. none. nada!)

after a very long time, it’s ck the one that confesses first lmao. youve been whining and being grumpy the whole time youve been locked up together and it kinda reminded him of the way u met… damn. here come The Feelings.

he’s tired, and there’s nothing left to lose. so he tells u The Truth.

[suspenseful pause….. what’s going to happen next?? :OOOOO]……… tune in next year to find out, in the continuation of Cristina’s Cheesy Birthday Present!!!

jk, proceed to the next bullet point pls.

obviously u tell him u feel the same way [insert ppl crying in the background] and he’s actually shocked when u say u like him back…. and gosh, he does look cute when he’s surprised…

so yeah!!! it’s until then that u FINALLY go on a date during the weekend!!. hallelujah. thanks minhyuk,u beautiful soul.

so!!! ok!! first date!!! a rly cute fairground in the evening!!!

u try to be fake mean to each other like u used to but everything feels different~~~ (^:

so instead y’all act bashful as hell, and blush at everything jjdfghjfhd. hands brushing accidentally?? BLUSH. eyes meeting? BLUSH. BLUSH BLUSH BLUSH!!! u also laugh at everything bc both of u are so nervous oh gmhg fdknjjkdsfjoidf this is gross.

he’ll tell bad jokes to make u laugh and they’re rly so so so bad that he actually keeps u in stitches. if u look rly closely you’ll see his huge ass heart eyes bc !!!! he made u laugh!!!! and u look so pretty when u laugh omg!!!! dis-gos-tinnnnn

it’d be such a cute date tbh im crying just thinking abt it (‘’’’: obviously he’s a gentleman and he lets u choose what to eat, which ride to go to first, etc. u could literally tell him ‘hey let’s just sit down and do nothing’ and he’d say yes. he’s so gONe, ifmgfjdmf.

he’s kinda quiet and a lot shier than u wouldve expected but youre literally melting bc that’s a new side to him that you’d never thought you’d see.

u end up having so much fun (‘: u gross lil idiots, u.

oh and he’s def the type to ask if he can kiss u at the end of the night EYYYYYY

even if u find that incredibly endearing you’ll probably roll ur eyes with a huge ass smile on urlips lmaoaoaoao and call him a dummy for even asking when you’ve literally be in cloud nine since ur date started kjkhwjeqdkwjlk  

[hello, brief break to clarify that from this point i forgot this was actually a college au lmao, so the rest of the bullet points are literally just. random facts abt u two dating hhhhhh. We dont even know what ck’s major is odjfngnfdj]  

at first things are a lil awkward in ur relationship tbh

catch ck googling ‘how to relationship’ on a daily basis dnfndkfjdncn he is sort of clueless abt how to handle The Feelings. mostly bc this is Important and the last thing he wants is to mess it up )^:

that goes away eventually, tho!! he’ll start being his weird little self real fucking soon, so Get Ready

u still call each other nerd and all that stuff, but ur voices are dripping with fondness when u say it… literally everyone around u gets cavities from it, ew.

he’s not that big on planning dates but from time to time he’ll take u to rly cool, unexpected, interesting places :o  and eventually he’ll show u his favorite secret spots ((’:

study dates are a thing. i bet he’s that type of person that enjoys reading in weird ass positions… his legs are like, halfway off the couch and his arm is bent in a way that looks almost painful… what the hell….?? but it’s fine (: it goes so well with ur study methods, those that are Too Weird for the library, yeah?? (:

he will also stare at u a lot bc u look cute when you’re rly focused on smth that is, when u stop  whining abtstudying…

every time u catch him doing that you’ll go all ‘stop staring at me!!! wtf are u looking at u weirdo’ and he’ll answer ‘you’re so pretty~~~ ♥️♥️♥️’. you’ll blush like a lil idiot, naturally (^: hmmmm

and yea, yea. nap dates are a thing too :/// with sleepy forehead kisses and raspy voices and tangled limbs. all that sappy stuff. he’s a lil shit tho, so he’ll sometimes poke ur ribs to tickle u lmao.

buuuut he’ll also take a lot of pics of u sleeping bc he thinks youre cute )))): his faves always end up being his wallpaper for months.

he’ll get strange gifts for u, like rly bizarre plushies and rare books on topics he thinks u will like,  tacky anime memorabilia, etc. he’ll always give them to u at random times bc he just saw them and reminded him of u ♥️  

he makes a lot of playlists for u too!!! pls listen closely, he puts a lot more thought into them than he lets on.

u like his selfies??? well he’ll send u a lot of those. unfortunately, bc he’s a lil shit, he’ll mostly send double chins and weird ass faces from equally weird angles  

from time to time he’ll send u a Nice One tho ((((^: and u know, tongue selfies since youreSO fond of his(and I quote) “5ft tongue”. and oh gosh! is that a tongue piercing…??? eyyyyyy

if u want to take couple selfies then you’re gonna have a real hard time bc he’ll always be making weird faces and poses just to be annoying. eventually u will make dumb faces too tho (’: what a couple of losers

expect weird random texts: he loves telling u abt whatever is on his mind—probably aliens. he thinks a lot abt aliens and the universe. throw some conspiracy theories in there, too—. he’ll also send obscure memes. and a lot of russian cats!!

he’ll love ur cosplay hobbie. he thinks it’s super cool. he’ll call u a nerd but don’t be fooled! he totally brags abt it with his friends (^:

oh! and this is unrelated but at some point y'all will look like an emo goth couple. u won’t even realize that you’re both wearing black and looking Edgy, it’ll just happen spontaneously. tragic 😔

there are a lot of comfortable silences when u hang out, but late night deep convos are also fundamental :o!!! bc y'all are Smort.

he’ll act like f*cboi from time to time tbh?? he’ll tell lots of dirty jokes LMAO. u roll ur eyes at him a lot bc they’re rly. so bad.

if he winks or does Eyebrow Things then u can’t rly roll ur eyes and act like you’re annoyed bc (: u like it (: and u think it suits him (: and he knows it (: (: (:

u get back at him by telling him he’s cute tho, and he’ll get all shy and he’ll stutter and saying “noooooo” while also fighting back a smile

he will also howl or bark at u to annoy u jdfhkjdf. damn f*rry ://

on that note, he loves to embarrass u in front of ur friends bc he’s a lil shit :DD

But he’s also the sweetest??? whenever he sees you’re feeling down he’ll start doing weird shit to make u laugh. if that doesn’t work then he’ll hug u real tight without saying anything else, bc that’s Enough, u know?? (’:

ok time to get Domestic lads!!!

Idk who the hell is going to cook bc y'all are a damn mess in the kitchen. u two try to cook Nice Meals sometimes. seven times out of ten u end up ordering takeout lmao.

be prepared: he sings in the shower, and he does so terribly. (he might do it a little louder and a little more off-key sometimes bc he knows it makes u laugh)

random kisses are a thing!!! he kisses ur cheek or ur shoulder or ur nape or literally. any body part he can get his lips on when u two are just hanging out, watching movies or smth. it’s so soft and cute )^: wtf im crying

but also stolen kisses!! he’ll kiss u at the most unexpected of times and it alwaysleaves u breathless

he’ll constantly put his head on ur shoulder and make this face at u (^:  

can’t sleep??? don’t worry!!! he’ll sing to u with that pretty, soothing voice of his

anyway. what I meant is that y’all would be such cute little idiots together this was long af. wow. im so sorry. happy birthday??? lmao

I HAD TO PUT THIS UNDER A READ MORE BC ITS SO FUCKING LONG NAT U DUMBASS ICB U DID THIS KFJSKFJSLKDJFLKJ THIS IS SO CHEESY AND GROSS and it also made me realize that u know too much shit abt me. what was that t*ngue part. im not talking to u ever again. aNYWAY U RLY ARE AN IDIOT I WAS SMILING SO BIG THRU THIS WHOLE THING MAYBE I SCREAMED A LITTLE?????????? FUCK U!!!!!!!! WHATS WITH ‘The Feelings’ PART I HATE THAT I ALMOST DIED FUCK OFF IM NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!! I DONT HAVE FEELINGS!!!!!! U CANT DO THIS TO ME SKJFHSKJDHFKSLDJFH 

icb u rly did the fairground first date i rly fucking hate u why did i even tell u these things i knew it was gonna fire back im fjjgjkknknnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ur ‘tragic 😔’ when we become a goth couple :/ u dont understand goth love

why the fuck did u make him howl. i wanna fucking die rn. what the fuck. he fucking would. fuck off.

i dont wanna talk abt all that domestic shit how did u even write all of that without dying i literally wanna rip all my limbs off i wont make any comment. i didnt need to know what that would be like but u looooove ruining my life so :)

i rly hate u ksdjfhskdjhfksjh icb u did this thank u i wanna die??????????? wtf nat !!!!! no but rly thank u :( u took the time to write this long ass college au (is it????? whats cks major tho rly :/ ) and just skdfjsjk u remembered all the weird shit i told u thats cute and also Really Bad what else do u know that i forgot i told u skdfksjh im literally always screaming at u abt this shit how did u !!! remember all of this!!!!! dldskfjshljhlakjsh this is so cute and horrible nat wtf how could u :( now im gonna cry :(

#SDFJSDJSLDJFHLSJDHJS URE AWFUL #but i love u sm what theu fuck u rly did all of this #sdjfksldjakjsdhlkajh u know how long it took me to even start reading it #i rly couldnt bc usually these aus are just cutesy and not so personal??? #bUT I KNEW U WOULD RLY MAKE ME A LOSER ND IM JUST CRINGING #BC YEA THATS RLY WHAT ID DO SHUT THE FUCK UPSLDFJLSKDJ #i hate this. how the fuck am i supposed to go on with my life now :/ #@at ck this could be literally us but u playing see u in london u better fucking step up ur game #idk what else to say this is incredible u rly are incredible #my baker bee #mutuals🌼 #submission

[shadowintegration]

I’m trying to figure out why the universe is sending my failing friendships with people who disrespect me and then leave dramatically and paint me as evil.

Here’s what I’ve got so far:

They disrespected me

They hid their true feelings from me

I ignored the bad feeling in my gut

I drew a boundary and they left*

They blame me for our fallout

*on this note, I was thinking.... with the one girl, I was hurting for an extended period of time. She did a lot of hurtful things including talking shit about me while she stayed in my house for free (including meals!) but I had been holding my pain inside in hopes to preserve our friendship. One day I finally snapped and sent her a less than respectful audio telling her to back off and give me space to heal from how she hurt me. (I regretted not waiting a few days because at DBT we learned a communication technique that I could have used had I known it, but at the same time I let her knowingly hurt me for way too long already. And it’s valid of her to be upset that I disrespected her, but she is blind to how many many many times she has disrespected me time and time again and in so many different ways. I think it comes from excessive pride. I am humble enough to admit that I handled all of these friendship conflicts in a less than graceful way. I am still learning after all. A year ago about I tried to reach out to her and apologize, I sent a fucking paragraph! And I was hurt that she replied with a one sentence apology so I made a venting post on my blog just like one sentence and she saw it and took it so so personally and said this is why we can’t be friends ever again don’t ever check my blog again... which like ok.......... I’m allowed to be offended by your fake ass apology that lacked effort and introspection but that’s fine if you’re too prideful to think you did anything wrong. I still pray for you. I still care about you and your family’s wellbeing.

**this point is also not entirely accurate for someone else I have blocked on tumblr. I was forward with her about being willing to be whatever she wanted whether it was friends or a little more, and after that conversation where she didn’t directly say “no” (but her vibe check definitely said NO) she assumed that I was IN LOVE with her. OBSESSED and PINING. How fucking false and self centered, for one thing. And also stop living out of your past trauma!!! I am NOT your abusive EX!! I am also not the person he painted me as, but you must have believed him on some level. Clearly, since you were so thoroughly committed to misunderstanding me and assuming I had all these feelings that were actually all projected from within herself. One day, I was just trying to have a conversation with her as a friend. And I suppose, it’s important to acknowledge at this point I had instituted a policy of honesty, because hiding my truth and my feelings was a huge factor in my prior hospitalization. I was fucking gaslighting myself for years by telling everyone I was “fine” or “just tired”. Dishonesty when answering “how are you” was a form of self harm for me. This girl was offended that she habitually decided to ask how I was and then push for more personal questions to be answered. Very intrusive questions! At the time I thought: she must be really interested in psychology and wants to develop an emotionally intimate friendship. I was fucking WRONG. She was asking me all the questions she wanted someone to ask her. When I would answer honestly (which was CONSISTENTLY a “más o menos” kind of answer like yeah I’m ok but I’m a bit sad today. Like... clearly stating that IM OK but I also am dealing with my mental illness and that’s ok because I know how to do it - it’s my life bro I know how to take care of myself!) she would take my answers, focus on the negative clause in the complex sentence, and hyper focus on it, projecting her unresolved and repressed negative feelings unto me. She snapped at me one day in an attempt to “draw a boundary” apparently (everytime I say “apparently” here, I mean I heard this through a third party) . I couldn’t tell it was her drawing a boundary because it was so fucking out of the blue and was just her misdirected anger (which I’m sure she was angry at herself & we will come back to that shortly)... she used an emotional abuse tactic (manipulating me to make me feel guilty for her actions and lack of self prioritization/ self care) to make me feel bad for consistantly being honest. Apparently, my honesty was overwhelming her and she wanted to draw a boundary to protect herself from my depression. And that’s valid! It’s her methods that I have a problem with!!

To be honest, I was super uncomfortable with probably 85% of the questions she would ask me because they were super personal and (honestly hindsight is 20/20) because I’ll absolutely never go that into detail about my symptoms to anyone who asks who’s not my doctor ever again. No one needs to know my daily struggles that intimately!!! Only the doctor who’s working with me on treatment should know about that! It’s not like I’m necessarily hiding it, I just don’t feel comfortable ever sharing that truth with anyone else ever again (unless they are treating me because my feelings are no ones responsibility to take on.) so like we were kind of on the same page on a “gut” level - we both wanted a boundary and I guess neither of us could enforce one correctly. I realize now I could have refused to answer her questions. But anyways... She snapped at me, saying that I was too much and that she was super stressed and trying to cram for an exam (earlier in the convo she said she was studying, and personally I have studied while talking to friends simultaneously so I thought nothing of it. But clearly she meant to say: “I’m busy studying for an exam I have to concentrate I’ll ttyl.” IT REALLY WAS THAT SIMPLE TO ENFORCE A BOUNDARY RESPECTFULLY, GIRL. but no. She blamed me for distracting her [which, ok sorry for trying to talk to a friend, if you had self control and self respect you would either turn off your notifications or stop checking your messages as a form of self care in order to focus on your priorities. That’s all on you.] and then she projected how bad her mental state was unto me, saying that “she couldn’t need what I need her to be” (even though she said that right before the snap/paragraph and I had replied gracefully “you don’t need to be anyone but yourself 😊” clearly she didn’t hear that 🙄 didn’t want to admit that she was just a friend and not a Savior) so yeah anyways she projected her repressed and ill-controlled mental illness unto me. If she hadn’t repressed herself and her truth (as I refused to do) she wouldn’t have blown up. She blamed me for all the things she felt and never showed me. When I would ask how she was she was always “fine” or “tired” (sounds familiar? Yeah I already grew out of that, like I said) and I honestly refuse to accept the blame for her personal emotional neglect and disproportionate response to my honesty. To me, it is clear that she was angry with herself for not being honest with herself, she was angry with herself for not being able to focus and prioritize her studies, she was angry that she was hurting inside so badly but I didn’t even know because she was never honest with me or herself.

I do feel badly about ghosting her. I never replied. But... She said I’m that last paragraph all I needed to know: she needed to study. She needed space. She didn’t want to hear my truth again. She was incapable of properly respecting herself, so it was only natural that she would accidentally disrespect her friends. She wasn’t ready to confront her truth. ... I knew then that she wasn’t ready to heal, she wasn’t ready to address the real cause of her problems, she was only trying to get through things day by day. That’s fine. We’re all at different points in our journey.

It’s funny how this is in many ways reminiscent of the first girl that left me, but instead of me hiding my pain, she was hiding her pain, and the resulting explosion/attempt at a boundary was disrespectful. Clearly, pain distorts our thought process and makes us lash out when we feel unheard, even if we were the ones hiding our pain. Trying to protect the other through dishonesty only hurts ourselves in the end.

Maybe that’s the lesson. Honesty. Respect.

#soul searching #interesting pattern universe #pattern #universe #source #lessons #karma #personal

[anxirinrin]

Rant-everyone is so fucking dramatic in this house and im fcking tired

Everytime i do one minor mistake everyone blows shit up out of proportion and im so annoyed. Like i really got scolded because i didnt hear knocking on the door bc i close my bedroom door when im in it?? "If something happens to mum you wont hear it it's so dangerous omggg" yeah right if that is a genuine concern shouldnt we all sleep in the same bedroom ya know i could choke in the middle of the night 💀💀( and like are going to act like yall never left me outside bc yall couldnt hear me knocking??? Or like when yall left the house before i came back from so i had to either wait in the building or outside???)

Or like that one time 2 yrs ago i got screamed at bc i tend to forgot fresh yeast in my backpack when i come back from grocery shopping after uni. Apparently forgetting yeast that costs 0.50€ in my bag makes me an "immature girl who has no consciousness of the reality of life".

But personal favorite will forever be the "i need some milk one". Sister went to buy groceries and came back with three huge super heavy bags in her car at the end of the afternoon + a pack of 6x1L bottles of milk and water (6×1,L both packs are heavy asf). Sister lifts one bag home and leaves 2 other bags in the car so we could bring them together once im here. 11pm im home and sisters tired, keeps post-poning the time we're going to the car so i go to the car on my own and take the two grocery FCKING HEAVY bags and lift them home. Bags were so heavy bringing milk or water (~1kg each) was out of the question. My mum and sister were planning to fast the day after so they had to take their breakfast in the middle of the night (like basically they had to stop eating around 4 pm). I wasnt fasting so i was sleeping and suddenly someone knocks angrily and i literally jump out of sleep when i hear screaming behind the door at 3 fcking AM in the goddamn morning. Mum barges in my room and start screaming "remember when you brought the groceries??? you didnt bring the milk did you? What the hell am i supposed to eat for breakfast then??? You know i have allergies milk and coffee is the only i can take for WHy didnt you bring it??? You all ALWAYS think about yourselves and never about my well being. Is that so hard not being egoistical" like girl chill tf. She then demanded i go put some shoes and take the milk from the car in the middle of the fcking night which i ended up doing half asleep and still completely shook by the situation. I saw my sister on the way who was completely awake and to this day im still baffled that she just could have proposed to bring the milk herself (since she was wide awake) and not let the situation escalate on its own (bc im pretty sure my mum got herself worked for at least 30min to be this angry) to the point it got.

And im so annoyed because all these unimportant micro-situations are always used to prove that i am childish, immature and not fit to be an adult when there are really not that big. And im not letting two grown ass women who got scammed 700€ once bc they rent a place in a convention where they were supposed to be the only cale makers and ended up with 6 other competitors bc they never even signed any kind of contract get all fancy with le for no reason

[mugiwara--ya]

also like. fuck dermatillomania, seriously.

this was supposed to be a short post but fuck it lol this is HUGE 

when i had my first really bad breakout at like, 18 (from fucking contraceptivesl!!!!!! like before i did have a couple uh..idk if i would call em breakouts, but like you know, just regular teen acne, and my gyn was like “you have a bit of acne so these pills are gonna help ya!!” FUCK YOU I BARELY HAD ANYTHING) i remember waking up one day, rubbing my eyes, then touching my forehead. and i felt a TON of tiny bumps. i was like, the fuck? and i wiped my forehead with my bed sheets because i thought i had dirt or somethig on my face. and i touched again and they were still there. i immediately got up and looked at my big mirror, and i swear it was like half an hour straight of just looking at my forehead, with dozens of closed comedones, and it was.. it was terrible. people used to tell me how pretty my skin was, that my face was so soft and perfect, and asking me which products i used (i did have a skincare routine because i couldnt risk fucking up my face, i’ve always picked at every single imperfection so i had to make sure i had none to begin with)

so yeah i fucking panicked. my skin was my confidence. i barely used bb cream for dark circles or when i wanted to look extra nice, and that would be it. my appearance was (is) everything to me. 

and thats when derma fucked up my life (now that i think about it i DID almost die of an infected wound that i picked at when i was a toddler but ANYWAYS). im pretty sure that if i had just taken care of it as a normal fucking person, it would have just gone away, healed, the end. i even stopped taking those pills. but i picked at it. i picked and scratched and squeezed and put needles on those hideous fucking things because i just needed to get them out. i would spend HOURS every day picking at my skin. and it only made it worse. not only those didnt go away for a few months, not only did i cause terrible scarring, but i pretty much spread all that nasty shit all over my face. and yeah, my acne itself was never TERRIBLE, at the beginning most people couldnt even tell and with just a bit of makeup i was ready to go! but i just..kept picking at it. because i was terrified. i made scar after scar. painful acne would grow under those scars. and i would pick at it even if the previous one wasnt done healing. my mom would look at me and tell me how hideous i looked. “put on some makeup i dont want to go out with you looking like that”. i would go into work and they would tell me “the fuck did you do to your face now?!” 

it wasnt acne itself. it was all the scarring i made. you can cover up acne with foundation. but scabs? open wounds? it looks like shit. and i put on makeup anyways, and i literally wasnt able to go out without it, but i always knew everyone could see my scabs. patchy, ugly, painful looking scabs. i was ashamed of it. my confidence was gone. i felt uglier every day. i knew it was all my own fault. everyone kept telling me “just stop picking at it”.

but i got so desperate. so anxious. i used to have anxiety attacks when i tried to lie down and not pick at my face. i tried picking at ingrown hairs on my legs to distract me and it worked for a while, but as soon as i saw my reflection i was gone, like i couldnt control myself, i dissociated completely and when i was back on my body i looked at my face and just cried. i cried and cried because i fucking did it again. 

this lasted for about three-four years i think, and it got even worse when my actual acne got Very Bad between last year and this year, especially because i had run out of all the skincare products that actually worked and didnt have money for new ones so i tried to settle down for local products (that didnt work), i was stressed the fuck out because i had secretly dropped out of university, my hormones were crazy (endometriosis ayyy), and idk it was Bad. but then again. my acne was never REALLY terrible, like yeah it was worse, but never like cystic acne or like full face of it (i had on my forehead, nose, inner sides of my cheeks, around my mouth and chin, like mostly the center of my face) and i never had that many violent painful pimples at the same time (mostly because i would pick em out as soon as i could) but THE SCABS. My skin also got really oily and my pores were fucking huge, and even if thankfully my skin is pretty good at healing itself (i dont have deep scars, its mostly hyperpigmentation with little to no texture after it has fully healed) no matter how fast my scabs healed (a couple weeks usually) i always made myself new ones, like !! why !! 

now, a few months ago, i started taking contraception again. another brand, because i couldnt stand period pains anymore. and this time..it actually helped! my skin got a bit less oily, i started getting less pimples, and a bit after that, i finally bought new (korean) skincare. the only non-prescription skincare that has ever worked for me lol. etude house i owe you my life. i also stopped smoking cigs, and i’ve really been trying to eat healthier. trying. shut up

and i finally started getting better, slowly!! and i dont know, just having a routine helped a lot in regaining my confidence, taking care of my skin helped my anxiety, and i kept thinking “i spent a SHIT TON OF MONEY on these things, i’m not gonna ruin it by picking”. and yeah i still did it/do it every now and then, but WAY LESS than i used to, and now i strategically pick at stuff that can be easily covered up by hair, i never put my hands directly on my face (i wrap my fingers in cloth or something), and always clean my face afterwards, im a Conscious Picker™ now

and last week i finally decided to go see a dermatologist! (ABOUT TIME!!) and yeah she told me most of my skin problems are due to excoriating, and my actual acne can be treated easily, and gave me a bunch of prescription products to help get rid of it and control my oily ass face. and bitch!!!! just five days in and MY SKIN ALREADY LOOKS SO SO SO MUCH BETTER! (LIKE IGNORING THE FACT THAT I HAVE TWO HUGE SCABS NEAR MY MOUTH AND TWO MORE ON MY FOREHEAD AND A LOT OF HYPERPIGMENTATION)

and im just. i look at the mirror and i wanna cry. i wanna cry because im getting better. im scared of ruining it, but im just so motivated. this time im not letting my anxiety get in the middle of what i want. im insecure, i still struggle to believe im beautiful with or without acne or scars, but im worth the try, i deserve to take care of myself and do things that make me happy, and if im vain ! whatever! feeling my skin soft makes me happy! looking at the mirror and loving how i look makes me happy! keeping a routine, washing my face, putting on creams till i look like a glazed donut, it makes me happy!  going out without makeup and not caring makes me happy! putting on makeup and not caring if some scabs or hyperpigmentation still shows because i know its all getting better, it makes me happy! 

i am stronger than i thought and i am stronger than the anxiety derma gives me. i just needed to work out a way to go around it lol. also im tired as fuck and ive been writing about this for like two hours. no one is gonna read this but whatever lol i love myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BITCH I LOVE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM GLOWING!!!

#personal #dermatillomania #acne #recovery #generalized anxiety disorder #bfrb #excoriation disorder