#every day on twitter i feel so anxious about posting there and i feel so weird and bad for any of my opinions that even slightly differ | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

h0ney-mochi · 1 year

Note

HELLO!! Can i request sub!fanboy!xiao x soft dom!idol (fem or gn) reader? feel free to ignore this! (i apologize for bad grammar & this is my first time requesting) Have a nice day! :D

Fanboy!Xiao x fem!reader ;; modern au (?)

NSFW/SMUT CONTENT (sub!fanboy!xiao, soft dom!reader, idol!reader, reader is afab but no pronoun use, praise, pegging, xiao calls reader 'ma'am' once or twice, longer scenario, not proofread, not too much nsfw tbh my bad)

Summary: Xiao is your biggest fan, yet he never approaches you, so you decide to do that yourself. Things escalate when you give him your number after your performance and you two hang out...

A/n: don't worry nonnie it's alright!! Ur grammar is fine, first time requesting can always be anxious <3 This was fun to write, I read like three kpop writings, one of danganronpa and then did research on idols BAHAHAH / sorry for taking such a long time to write this, hope this is well?! <3

Minor writer, dni if uncomfortable!

There was no denying that Xiao was your biggest fan. You noticed him at every concert, every meet-and-greet, every single event where you were. It made you feel sweet that he always showed up, light sticks and signs of your name, always waving them when you sang. You were also surprised that he could afford to come to every single event..?

But one thing you found interesting is that he never tried to talk to you like everyone else. Xiao was always in the back, just watching, looking at you. Your first thought was that he's shy. Made you a little upset that he didn't even try interacting with you. So you decided that you should start first.

You were aware that he had many accounts — fan pages — dedicated to you. Instagram with short clips of you on stage, pictures and merchandise he had bought, what not. Twitter was just posting updates, links to your newest videos, pictures and more. If he was able to film a longer video of you performing, he'd upload it along with his merchandise hauls.

And Xiao is over the moon when he notices you following each and every one. Almost falls over in his own room when you leave comments from time to time. He swears he'll come up to you some day, but he's so scared of messing up. What if he accidentally says something weird?? Xiao wouldn't dare. He wouldn't dare slip up and admit he daydreams of you.

Yet when your eyes met and you sent a heart gesture in his direction? Yes, he fainted and yes, you were worried as he was taken away. A day after that concert, you thought of sending a message to see if he was alright. But when you saw him tweeting about that, you couldn't help but laugh. He was cute.

...

It was the end of another concert. Everyone was leaving and you told one of your bodyguards to find a 'dark green haired male with highlights that looks pretty'. You watched from afar as the man left to find Xiao. He was typing on his phone, probably updates on one of his accounts.

Once the man approached him, he set his phone away in confusement, asking questions, if he had done something wrong. Your guard just shook his head and told him to follow. You walked away from sight, smoothing out your outfit. If Xiao won't approach you first, you will.

Once he realized he's going backstage, his nervousness grew higher. But when he steps inside and sees you with a smile, staring at him, he almost trips on air.

You chuckle before telling yout bodyguard that ge can leave for a while. He does, leaving you two alone. You look back at the boy and smile again.

"Your name is Xiao, correct?" You ask. You knew his name, of course, but you had to start conversation somehow. His hands are shaking and his eyes are wide, staring at you. Is this real? You're talking to him? You actually know his name like for real?

He feels lightheaded.

"Xiao, are you alright?" You ask again when he doesn't respond. He finally reacts, quickly nodding his head. "Y-Yeah, I'm Xiao," he speaks, voice trembling. You turn around to take your water bottle from the table so you could share.

You hand him the bottle with a smile, "You're nervous, I get it, but don't worry! I don't bite, promise." You watch as he slowly takes the bottle from you, quickly licking his dry lips. You could hear a quiet thank you. You just nodded.

"No, it's just-" Xiao swallows, opening it, still staring, "I can't believe you're talking to me personally? All alone?" You laugh and he feels his face heat up.

He really is shy. Adorable.

"Well, you never tried approaching me, so I thought I should do it first," you say while he drinks, "Although I do wonder, do you not want to talk or you just want to watch from the back?"

"Wait, no, I-" Xiao panics for a moment, but stops before he says anything different, "I mean, I really, really want to talk to you, it's been a dream of mine-" "But?"

"..But I don't think you'd have time for me?" He continues, blinking at you. You nod, "I understand that. But hey, I think I've got time before I go, we can talk! Besides I've wanted to speak to you for a long time."

Xiao's eyes widen, "..huh? Really?" "Oh, of course! Every time I come on stage, I always try to find you because I know you'll be there. It's sweet, cute really," you respond, taking the water bottle from him. You put it in your bag as Xiao trues to process what you just said.

You look at your phone and realize you should be leaving.

"Ah, Xiao, I'm terribly sorry, but I'll have to go," you turn to said male. He nods quickly and you notice a small smile on his face. "No, it's fine- you wanting to speak to me in the first place is enough," he says, voice growing quieter.

"Aw, alright. Well, how about we meet in one of the cafe's?" You suggest, quickly finding a piecw of paper and a pen, "If you'd want to and if you're not busy." You write down your phone number and give it to him.

Xiao takes it with a shaky hand and you smile at him. "Give me a call if you want, okay?" You take your bag, "If you're not busy tonight, that is." He stares at then at you. You put a hand on his shoulder and whisper, "I'll be waiting, Xiao."

His face heats up as you take his hand to lead him out. You say something to the bodyguard and the two of you are leaving. You look back at Xiao. He's staring at you with a slightly opened mouth, probably in surprise.

You send him a wink and look back. That made him get even redder as he hid his mouth in his hand.

...

He was in his hotel room, staring down at the paper. Well, only a day until you're going somewhere else. This will surely be his last chance to finally talk to you. And in private as well?

After a moment of trying to calm down, Xiao took his phone out. His nails tap on the screen, writing in your number. He was nervous, already feeling lightheaded again. He's gonna talk to you.

Before he can back out, he calls you, putting it on speaker. Each ringing sound made him more anxious. Maybe you joked around? Or maybe you gave him a different one? Well, you wouldn't do that, would you? Surely not-

The ringing suddenly stopped, being replaced with your voice.

"Xiao! You called!" Your voice rang through and he sighs in relief. "So, you're not busy? You'd like to meet up?" You ask and he could tell by your voice that you're definitely smiling.

"Um," he swallows, shaking his head, "Yeah, I'm free. You really want to— you want to talk to me?" "Yes, I do, I already said that, didn't I?" You chuckle. Then you started to speak about which Cafe to meet in and which hotel you're staying at. That's how you arranged a meet up.

He was sitting at one of the tables, nervously tapping the cup with his nails. He was looking around the cafe, waiting for you to show up. While he waited, Xiao took his phone out to post some short clips he took.

You slowly approached the table, sitting in front of him. He jumped at your sudden voice, immediately looking at you. You laugh, shaking your head. Xiao noticed the clothes change, of course, trying to disguise yourself.

"Ah, you didn't think I'd come in a vibrant fit, did you?" You say, smiling at him. He averted his eyes, coughing, "No, I didn't think that-" "Don't want fans to come running," you rest your head on your hand. Xiao looks back at you, "I didn't- I'm sorry, I didn't know if you'd want tea, so I just ordered one for myself."

You blink at him and then nod, "I'll order for myself, don't worry." That's how it went, you got a tea and the two of you chatted. Xiao wasn't too nervous anymore which made you feel better. At some point you speak about his social media. You notice his cheeks flush when you talk about how much you love seeing his updates. Never late.

He himself slipped in some shy compliments about you, all the while you enjoyed the tea. It was relaxing. Until it seemed like the time was over. It passed a little too quickly, so you asked him if he'd want to go to your hotel room, continue the chat.

Xiao was starstruck. You inviting him to your hotel room? This was too much for one day.

He immediately nodded, "Yeah, if I can, I want- we can talk more." You blink, slightly laughing, "You're eager." He goes quiet before chuckling, "My bad-"

It was quiet, a few sentences here and there until you both were inside the hotel room. Xiao was looking around the place. You closed the door, breaking the silence, "We can go out on the balcony. The view is nice."

He turned to look at you while you shrugged. You took his hand and he followed you to the balcony door, face warming up.

Cold air brushed against your skin as you walked out, letting go of his hand. You rest your hands on the railing, gazing up. Xiao went next to you, looking down at the streets.

"Look up, pretty," you say. He glances at you before looking in. There were some stars scattered along the sky. It went silent.

Xiao was trying to think of something to say, while sliding his hand towards yours. Your hand was warm and he wanted to feel it again.

Should he even be here? Will he get in trouble for being like this with you? He's just a fan, after all. Idols shouldn't be this close with fans, no? But.. he doesn't care for it. You wanted to talk, so here he is. This is a blessing, why should he question it?

You noticed and you waited. Waited for the touch.

His fingers brushed against yours, eyes darting up to your face. You sighed, looking at him. Xiao's eyes widened, pulling his hand away, but you caught it. He stared at you, then back at his hand then back at you. You smiled softly, interwining your fingers with his.

"If you want to hold my hand, just tell me," you say, watching as his face goes red. You continue to stare. His eyes are pretty. He's pretty. Could you make him more flustered?

He's special. And mad attractive.

Xiao is tearing his gaze every few seconds. When you moved your thumb against his hand, he feels lightheaded once again. Oh, the simple things you do to him.

"By the way, I hope I didn't pressure you into meeting up with me," you speak, turning towards him, "You can always leave if you want-" "No-!" He squeezes your hand, "I didn't want to deny, oh no, I've wanted to talk to you for far too long—" You tilt your head, listening to him.

He shakes his head, "I want to be with you as long as I can, being this close to you is just- [name], you're- Can I call you that?" You can't help but laugh a little, nodding, "Yeah, you can. You talk too much." Before he could respond, you continued, "That's cute. I like it."

His breathing hitches. He's blinking again, looking away from you. Cute?

You pull him a little closer by his hand and lean a little down. He gasps, surprise evident in his expression. "You like being called cute?" You ask, lidding your eyes. "I- I didn't mean to make anything weird, I'm sorry," he quickly speaks, but you shake your head.

"Shh. You didn't make anything weird," you put your other hand on his chin, pulling him closer, "Just answer me." Xiao breathes in, eyes quickly flickering down to your lips, then back to your eyes. He feels the flutter of butterflies in his stomach.

"..Maybe?" He whispers, swallowing. Will you call him weird? He certainly doesn't want to be seen as one of your weird fans. He isn't, but when you're so close to his face, he can feel your breath, oh God, you're warm, oh-

You slowly go a little closer, tilting your head just so your lips could brush against his. His eyes are widening again as he tries to not move. "Xiao," you whisper, "You're my biggest fan, aren't you?" He responds with a quiet 'I think?' which makes you chuckle.

"I'd like to give you a little reward for being so supportive all this time," you whisper, "Would you accept it?" Xiao immediately responds, "Y-yes, yes of course!" Oh dear, oh dear oh gorgeous..

You finally kissed him. He almost fell down from the sudden feeling, but you caught him, wrapping your hands around him. Xiao's hands went to your cheeks, kissing you back almost immediately.

When you pulled away for a moment to tell him to part his lips, you saw how flushed his face was, he was already trying to catch his breath even if the kiss wasn't that long. Yes, you didn't lie. He was cute. Wide eyes staring into yours as he nods at your words, going to kiss you again.

He did as you said previously. You pushed your tongue against his, a sudden noise being drowned in the kiss. Xiao's hand moved to your hair, tangling into it, trying to ground himself and not get too lost in the moment.

Oh, did you taste sweet. He never even imagined you could kiss so good. Kiss him so good. It was too much, it made him feel like he was flying — one reason as to why he was tugging on your hair.

After a moment, you pulled away again. "Let's go back inside," you say, smiling at him, "It's getting cold. Won't be good getting sick." Xiao just nods, looking away. You let go of him and he does the same. Walking back inside the warm room, he closes the door. When Xiao turns to you, you're pulling him by his hand towards you.

He's already latching onto your lips, free hand going to your cheek. You kissed back while you lead him to the bed, breaking the kiss to tell him to lay down.

Xiao gets on the bed, looking up at you. You can't help but giggle, getting on top. "Is this okay?" You ask, pushing him down. He nods eagerly, "Yes, yes it is, please don't stop." You nod, leaning down to press a kiss on his neck. You slowly kiss up to his jaw before going back down. One of your hands was on his chest and you could feel how his heart was racing. You then sucked on a spot, making him moan.

His hand goes to his mouth while turning his head away. You sucked a bruise before pulling away, leaving a kiss on it. "Are you embarrassed?" You whisper, pressing more kisses to his skin. Xiao slowly nods, swallowing. Your hand on his chest goes to take his hand away from his mouth.

"Use your words, pretty," you say and suck on another spot. He makes noise, hands going to your sides. "Yes, I'm– You're right-" he mumbles out. You press a kiss on the mark and smile, "Good boy." A shaky sigh comes from his throat.

"Oh?" You pull away to look down at him, "You like that, don't you?" Xiao turns his head, facing you, quietly responding, "Maybe.." "Gosh, you're pretty," you say, "Can I mess you up?" Your boldness makes him raise his eyebrows. "What?"

"Oh, my apologies, that was weird," you glance away, laughing slightly, "I shouldn't say that." "Please," Xiao mumbles and you look at him, "Please do that.."

You stare. He's looking up at you with pleading eyes, breathing in. "Please do whatever you want with me, to me, please," he pulls you back down, blinking at you, "Please, I want you to— I-" He doesn't continue. So you speak.

"You want me to what? Tell me," you trace your finger on his cheek, "Tell me what you've been thinking of this whole time." He's lost for words. But when you look at him like that-

"I want you to touch me," he whispers, shutting his eyes, "Please, I want you to do whatever, please, just fuck me—" "Repeat that a little louder, Xiao," you kiss his cheek. And he does. "I want you to fuck me, [name], please, I need you.."

You gave him a peck on the lips before saying, "Good boy. Wait here a moment, okay? I want you to undress." He nods and you get off the bed. You go to one of your suitcases, opening it up. Xiao was taking his clothing off while time to time watching what you were doing.

After finding what you needed, you turned back to him. His eyes slightly widened. Was that.. Are those.. Why is that in your suitcase in the first place? Why would you carry around a strap in your inventory?

Well, who cares about that now.

You went to put down what you were holding — a strap and a bottle of lube. You got onto the bed, looking at Xiao. He stared at you, then back at the stuff. "C'mon, pretty boy, lay down," you say and he slowly does it.

You spread his legs and he let out a noise of surprise while you opened up the bottle.

Xiao stared as you coated your fingers. You glanced at him for a moment, "You're beautiful like this, you know?" He bit his lip, blinking. "I'm not saying you're not always beautiful, you are," you continue while slowly pushing a finger inside, "But right now you're the prettiest."

He sighs, looking away, "Don't— ah- Don't say that, m-ma'am.." You look at him, pushing another inside, "Ma'am?" Xiao closes his eyes, mumbling something before suddenly moaning.

Yes, that felt weird and he never imagined he'd have something up his ass. That something being your fingers.

You sped them up, smirking at him. He's trying to say something for sure, but his moans interrupt everything. "Shh, don't be too loud, okay?" You slow down and then take your fingers out, "I want you to be good and a little more quiet, got it?" He suppresses a whine before nodding at you.

...

Xiao gripped the sheets under him, burying his face in a pillow. You held his hips, nails digging into his skin, leaving behind half moon indents. His attempts at staying quiet didn't work well.

"Oh, pretty boy," you bring a hand down to his hair, pulling his head up, "Do you love being this loud for me?" He mewls, eyes fluttering open, it being the only response you got. You sigh, picking up the pace, Xiao moaning louder.

Leaning down to his neck, you press a kiss on his shoulder. You then bite down, sucking a mark while your grip on his hair loosens a little. He groans, tongue falling out, "M-ma'am, fuck, I- feels sogood-!"

"Mhm, just like that," you smile, taking your hand away from his hair, "Such a good boy." You wrap your hand around his dick which makes Xiao jolt, head falling downwards.

"W-wait—!" He moans, gasping as his hand goes to grip the pillow, "I'm gonna- [name], I'm gonna cum—!" You just leave kisses on his neck and back, jerking him quicker. His moans turn into whines and gasps.

His grip on the sheets and pillow is tight, drool stains visible. "Gah‐ Stop, wait- I'm- gonnacum, please, fuck—" his voice goes into desperation, his thighs beginning to shake. You smile before speaking, "Go on, cum for me, pretty. Be a good boy, yeah?"

Xiao trembles in your hands, staining your fingers and the sheets below him. You slow down your thrusts and your pace on his dick. You straighten your back, your hand from his hip going to massage his back as he falls down onto the pillow.

He's panting, still slightly shaking. You take your hand away from him, looking at it. You giggle, glancing down at the sweaty Xiao. "You've messed up my hand, that's cute," you say, licking away a few traces. He turns his head a little too see you. Swallowing, he speaks, "You're.. amazing.. Mmh, that was good ..."

You pull out and he collapses. You sit down, slightly chuckling, "Just for you, Xiao." He sighs, closing his eyes, mumbling something. You tilt your head, "I can't hear you." He groans, hiding his face. You get up to lean over him.

"I just pegged you, there's nothing to be embarrassed about," you say, kissing his hair. Xiao turns to look at you again. Oh, did he look messed up. Messy hair, traces of saliva on his chin..

"Um.." He blinks, making eye contact with you, "Thank you.." You smile before kissing him. He kisses back, pretty much melting in your mouth again. After a few seconds you pull away, still smiling at him.

"You're welcome," you whisper, "My best fan needs a little gift after all."

#☆°• ☆ ask box #☆°• ☆ writings #genshin impact x reader smut #genshin x reader smut #genshin smut #genshin x you #genshin x reader #xiao x you #adeptus xiao x reader #xiao x reader #xiao x reader smut #xiao smut

926 notes · View notes

idolomantises · 1 year

Text

I think I’m gonna discuss this once and hopefully never have to bring it up again. Originally I wanted to talk about it on Twitter but people are very disrespectful when it comes to mental health so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Basically, I haven’t been doing so great, mentally. Nothing bad has happened to me, I’m safe and surrounded by people I care about, and it’s been like that for months. I just, I haven’t been feeling good.

For people who do follow me on accounts like Twitter and Instagram, you may have noticed I haven’t posted anything new since January. I was struggling to feel motivated to make something for my main accounts despite having countless ideas I’d love to work on. I feel better now and do plan on getting something done in March, but that sudden lack of motivation is pretty rare for me. Art is not only my job but a big hobby for me, I just love drawing. I did get some nsfw art done at least.

I don’t know what really prompted my mental health decline, I’ve been getting a few worried messages and fanart because someone insulted my art. But that didn’t hurt me at all, it actually boosted my account and patreon.

I guess I just… got sad?

I have a really bad tendency to suppress and even ignore my trauma and feelings of guilt. And I guess one day I really sat with my thoughts and I just, lost it I guess. I have so much traumatic memories and sudden and intense feelings of self loathing, something I’ve never felt in almost a decade, that it got overwhelming. I couldn’t reassure myself, I couldn’t really talk to anyone about it because how do you confront things that happened years ago? You feel almost irrational. It’s just memories that haunt you, it’s nothing physical or tangible and yet it’s a crushing feeling of anxiety, self hatred and resentment.

I was crying almost every day, and crying so much that my eyes kept hurting long after I was done, and I could barely see my own screen. I’ve had paranoid thoughts about myself and others, thoughts I can’t get into because they’re so deeply irrational. I was feeling suicidal urges and thoughts of self harm. I don’t see myself doing it, but it’s so frequent and overwhelming it’s like I’m already planning my suicide note.

I was talking to my therapist about it, that I was starting to hate being alive. That I hated living. That I could spend the next 50 years of my life with no more conflict or trauma and I’d still be in intense misery and turmoil. They’re feelings I couldn’t really bring myself to tell friends about because what could they say? How do you calm yourself down and reassure yourself. I can’t even talk about my trauma verbally without crying. And it’s funny because sometimes minor irks started to affect me negatively. I was feeling anxious about what to draw because I didn’t want to do deal with homophobic backlash.

I went to a therapist, I talked to friends, Ive been working out more and eating better, I did everything I should do to improve my mental health and all of a sudden a single night just sitting in my room destroyed everything I was slowly building up over the past 5 years.

It’s been really difficult for me. I think also, I just felt so much guilt over not being the best person I could be. I decided to lessen my online usage, not just for my mental health but because I really wanted to work on being a better person. I want to stop hating myself and letting my trauma push me down and I want to do just be better and do better as a person. A lot of people have been very forgiving and kind to me but I don’t feel like it’s enough and I want to do more and I want to feel better about myself. I want to give everything I can to people around me. I’ve been going to therapy a lot more lately and things are getting better for me, but it’s been a very slow process.

I just want to repeat that nothing serious has happened to me. Nobody attacked me in a way that negatively affected my health. A lot of people, friends and strangers have been really nice to me these past few months. I just was doing a lot of self reflecting and unintentionally forced myself to confront a lot of my trauma. I’m saying trauma a lot. I don’t want to get into depth about what I endured because it’s my business but people who do know me know how bad things were for me. I don’t want to feel like that again. I want to feel better, and I want to do better.

Sorry for the long read. That’s just how I feel.

#txt #suicide tw #self harm tw #I was very hesitant to discuss this because whenever I talk about mental health it leans into #one side. who are super well meaning but feel obligated to make sure that I’m okay. like I’m their responsibility when I’m just a stranger #online and my thoughts and feelings should never make someone feel like they have to ‘protect’ me #and another side who sees me purposefully be vague about some of the things I discuss like trauma and regret #and just construct their own narrative and get mad at me for it #at this point I’m just too tired to care about the potential backlash of the latter #if you read all this and think I’m saying I did nothing wrong and everyone is bad except for me that’s your fantasy you get to live in #I just want to be honest about my thoughts and feelings

562 notes · View notes

porcelana-r0ta · 1 year

Text

The Curse of Sight

[Part 1] Part 2 [Part 3]

Ao3 Link: [Part 2] (Ao3 link is available only to Ao3 users)

Summary: When Wes Weston meets Tim Drake-Wayne, the dots start connecting. And those dots form a Bat.

Wes wasn’t 100% positive about whether or not Tim was joking when he said to get him a coffee on his next coffee run, but he’s nothing if not a (reluctantly) efficient worker. Well, that, and Jade was always looking for any reason to complain about him, so it’s best to not give her a reason.

So when he’s sent on his daily coffee run the next day, he orders one trenta Death Wish coffee. He even remembers to request blond espresso since that kind has more caffeine than dark.

When he makes his way back to WE, he’s able to slip into the elevator after one of the scientists, who pityingly presses the floor button when Wes asks. He thanks her, and is luckily left alone when she gets off twenty floors before him. Blessedly, no one joins after her, and he’s able to get off at Floor 73 in peace.

He’s immediately assaulted by the caffeine-starved workers just like yesterday, and he luckily doesn’t have to worry about figuring out where to drop off Tim’s coffee, because Rebecca Gray, one of the younger employees who actually treats Wes like he’s human, spills some tea to him, and even presents it in such a way that she’s just helping him with his delivery: “Kid, your mom’s in the Grayson Conference Room with the Waynes and some people from the Board. There was a break-in last night. They’re trying to come up with a press plan. You’ll have to take her and Jade’s order in there. Remember to knock.”

See, Wes didn’t need to know all that. He only needed the last two sentences. But Rebecca is a decent human being who gives other human beings basic human respect, even if they are lowly interns that double as unwilling nepo-babies. He appreciates that about Rebecca.

“Thanks,” he tells her, and she doesn’t ask questions about why he has three coffees left instead of two.

“No problem,” she chirps, then rubs her hand roughly through his hair. He has a free hand now, so he swats at her, but she’s already frolicking off to her cubicle. Probably to make memes and then come up with a pitch to his mom on why they should be posted on the Wayne Enterprises official Twitter.

They were good memes. Wes liked them, anyway. But he’s not sure it’d be very PC of a corporation to post a supposedly “joke” Tweet about giving one million dollars to the first person to kill the Joker and provide proof.

Wes walks over to the conference room and knocks on the solid mahogany. A few seconds pass, and then a man’s voice calls out, “Come in.”

Wes opens the door to a group of men and women in suits that are more expensive than any amount of money he will ever have in his bank account at one time surrounding a table that overlooks a flat screen TV. He’s quick to spot his mom and Tim, and unfortunately, quick to spot Jade and Bruce fucking Wayne, who’s, you know, the fucking Batman.

Wes sweeps his gaze away and smiles nervously, hoping he just looks like a dorky intern who is scared to piss off the Actual Big Boss™. “I have coffee,” he offers, raising the coffee holder a bit higher, as if they couldn’t see from where it was.

“Thank you, Wes,” his mom says, and he takes that as his cue to enter in farther, distributing the coffee first to his mom, then Jade (who glares at him, ugh), and finally, Tim, who takes it with a look of surprise that forces his eyebrows up his forehead.

“It’s got every shot of espresso they can legally sell,” he tells him, an anxious smile tugging at his lips a little too hard. He is so stressed right now.

Tim takes a sip, and then says with the expertise of an addict, “This is blond espresso.”

“Blond has more caffeine, so….”

Tim looks at him with wide eyes, “You are a coffee god.”

“Ahaha, I’m just the intern,” he says tightly, feeling Bruce Wayne’s gaze bore holes into him. He wonders if anyone else can feel it when he’s just Brucie, or if he’s only noticing because he knows. “Anyway, I’m just gonna….” He gestures to the door, and as he does so, his eyes catch on the screenshot displayed on the wide flatscreen TV.

It’s clearly been pulled from security cameras, and police have definitely already had a look at it (and the Bats, obviously) if the Waymes are letting the PR team look at it. The camera is surprisingly clear—or maybe not, given the Waynes’ nightlife—and has been zoomed in, so Wes can make out the villain in all their suited up glory, Kevlar(?) and green mask and all, and even their laptop that’s hooked up to some scientist’s desktop computer (if Wes had to wager a guess, anyway). There’s also a shadow behind the villain, indistinct but invariably human. Probably Batman right before interrupting the villain.

Batman’s definitely smart enough to avoid showing a picture of himself in a cape and cowl to his closest coworkers while in his Brucie persona.

Huh. That’s odd: the laptop is covered in distinctive stickers. He can even read one of the stickers that quotes an old but widely known fanfiction: “Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?”

Well, that’s a stupid move. Why go through the trouble of having a whole entire super villain costume made if you’re just going to pull out your personalized laptop? What a dumbass. If Wes were a villain, he’d at least be smart enough to have two laptops: one for business and one for personal use.

And God, not the My Immortal quote. Embarrassing, really. (And, honestly, a little intimidating. Talk about having no shame!)

Oh, well. It’s not his business. He’s not the super intelligent, super paranoid vigilante. The Bats can figure this one out, thank you very much.

He walks out of the conference room and rushes to Rebecca’s cubicle, throwing his body onto the stool that he’d brought over one day while helping make memes and then never removed.

“Rebecca, guess what.”

Rebecca jumps, choking on her iced latte. “Christ, kid, what?”

“You have to guess!”

“Uh, I dunno, Jade said that she’s sorry for being a bitch?”

“Maybe when the Bats make friends with the Joker,” he says, and she snorts.

“Wow, already picking up on the Gotham lingo,” she compliments.

“I had my first mugging a week ago. I think that counts for me being a Gothamite, right?”

“Maybe after your first big time villain attack, kid.” She shakes her head at him, then asks, “Okay, so what is it?”

“They had some security camera screenshot in the conference room,” he tells her excitedly. “The villain who broke in was on it. They had this laptop to hack some computer, and—God, this is hilarious—they had a My Immortal sticker on their laptop.”

Rebecca’s face flushes in delight and abhorrence all at once, “Holy outdated Internet references, Batman, you’re kidding.”

“I’m absolutely not, Rebecca!” he insists. “I saw it, clear as day! Brucie Wayne doesn’t skimp on his security. It was right there in print: Why couldn’t Satan make me less beautiful?”

“Dear God.” She shakes her head, then asks, “Aren’t you a little young to know the sacred texts?”

“You’re never too young for culture, Rebecca.”

She nods sagely, “You have a point, kid. You have a point.” She clears her throat. “Hey, do you wanna help me with a project?”

“What kind of project?”

“A pitch to your mom to convince her to get Wayne Enterprises an official TikTok account. It’s criminal that we don’t have one yet! Did you know that the New York City branch has one? We’re the headquarters! Why don’t we have one? It doesn’t make any sense!”

It’s Wes’s turn to nod, “Yes, that is a grievous mistake. We need to make social media amends, and quickly. Before someone becomes a social media villain and attacks corporations that don’t have TikToks.”

“You’re being sarcastic—”

“I’m really not—”

“But you shouldn’t joke about that in Gotham because it’ll happen if you speak it.”

Wes wants to laugh that notion off as paranoia, but then he remembers Desiree.

“Okay, you have a point.” He knocks his hand on her head, “Knock on wood.”

“That’s it, brat. You’re fired from my project.” She sticks her tongue out at him.

“Wait, no. I take it back. I take it back!”

Rebecca spins her swivel chair around, leaning back and humming, “Hmmm, maybe…. But it’ll cost you.”

“I wanna right this social media injustice, Rebecca. Please!”

“Okay, you’ve convinced me. But!” She raises a finger when he looks too excited, “You have to agree to be in the first TikTok.”

Well, now he’s wary.

He wrinkles his nose, “I don’t know about that.”

“Then no social media for you.” Her voice is a taunting singsong, and something in Wes breaks.

“Ugh, fine. I’ll do it.”

An evil, smug grin cracks through Rebecca’s face, and Wes’s stomach curdles. What did he just agree to?

“Excellent,” she says. “Then let’s get started.”

An hour into their project, the meeting in the conference room comes to an end. Wes knows this because it’s when Jade decides to butt her head in his business.

“Weston,” she barks as soon as she sees him crouching next to Rebecca while they debate the merits of “Connecting to the Youth” as a topic for just one slide or multiple. “Stop distracting Rebecca from her work. I need you to deliver a file to IT.”

“Wes isn’t distracting me,” Rebecca politely corrects Jade, even though she shouldn’t because Jade doesn’t like her much, either. “I needed a second opinion on—”

“Another meme?” Jade asks spitefully. “That’s a waste of company time, Reb—”

But Jade is interrupted by the grand appearance of Timothy Drake, who waltzes up and asks, “Something wrong, Mrs. Oswald?”

“Nothing, really.” Jade is quick to become all smiles. “Weston here is just interrupting Rebecca’s fine work.”

“I heard something about a meme?” He raises an eyebrow, and Wes has to smother giggles. Red Robin is standing here, asking after a meme.

“Oh, yes,” Rebecca jumps at the chance to discuss her memes, which are only accepted to be posted on the company Twitter about 25% of the time. She deftly switches from the slideshow tab to Canva, where she has a meme ready to go.

Wes is impressed with her resolve.

“As you can see, sir,” she gestures to the computer, where a meme in the Drake format is shown, but with Batman in his place. Instead of the bottom Batman being accepting of the proposal to the right, both images of Batman are grimacing. “I am using a classic format, but stylized to fit our very own vigilantes. As he is the Batman, he doesn’t really smile, so it’s just the same picture of Batman frowning like an angst lord. The top text reads, ‘When the Batburger is out of jokerized fries,’ and the bottom text reads, ‘But their ice cream machine is running.’”

Batburger is Gotham’s “not like other girls” version of McDonald’s, Wes has discovered.

Tim cracks a laugh at the meme in front of him, and the light dies from Jade’s eyes. Wes feels just a little warmer for it, and not guilty at all.

“That’s pretty good,” he compliments. “You think you could photoshop an ice cream cone on the Batman on the bottom?”

Rebecca lets out a gasp of delight, “Genius! That’s why you’re the CEO, sir!”

Tim laughs, his eyes crinkling, and he says, “Photoshop it in, then send it to Ms. Rolland. I want to see it on WE’s Twitter tonight.”

Rebecca gives a two-fingered salute, then swivels back around to face her computer.

“Wes, can I speak with you for a second? I won’t take long.” Tim may make it sound like a request, but he’s the CEO, so it’s more of an order, and Wes stands on uneasy legs as Jade storms off without a word to her boss.

“Yeah, sure,” he agrees, and follows Tim.

Was I obvious? Do they know that I know? Surely not, right? I mean, I’ve been in Gotham for barely three weeks. Who figures out that kind of thing in that kind of time? Who figures out that someone has figured it out in that kind of time?

Wes is about to work himself into a panic attack when Tim stops at the conference room door and holds it open for him. He gulps. Is Bruce Wayne waiting behind the door to question him? Fuuuuuuck me.

He crosses the threshold and has to hold in a sigh of relief, as well as keep from just straight up collapsing to the ground. No Brucie Wayne. No Batman confrontation.

“W-what did you need to talk about?” Wes asks as Tim steps in after him, the door clicking shut.

Tim pauses to collect his thoughts, then says, “I wanted to ask you about Jade Oswald. She seems… aggressive with her coworkers.”

Peace, I knew thee too quickly.

“She’s just intense,” Wes says, even though he’d kind of like to see Jade get some HR hell rained on her. “And stressed. And I kinda got this job through my mom, so she sees me as this kid who doesn’t deserve to be here when she probably had to, like, work for everything, and I’m just, like, here because my mom wants to keep an eye on me so I don’t get mugged. Again.”

Oh, sure. Great idea! Bring up the mugging! Definitely not suspicious at all! Maybe I would be stupid enough to bring a personalized laptop with me on an intelligence heist.

Tim’s face is concerned. Wes would applaud his acting skills if he wasn’t more stressed than a 15th Century serf in Russia. “Mugged? Are you alright?”

“Oh, yeah, totally. I was rescued by Red Robin. That part was kinda cool, honestly.” Good, good, give him subtle compliments so if he does ever find out, he can remember that you think he’s cool and will hopefully give you pity.

Tim still doesn’t look reassured, and his instinct is to tell him about wacky Amity Park hijinks, like when he joined Fenton’s teen militia to take down Youngblood and save all the adults, but he clamps down on that hard. Don’t talk about Amity to a fucking Bat, you dumbass.

“You’re sure?” His voice is soft and caring, and Wes suddenly feels suffocated.

“U-uh, yeah. I’m sure. I appreciate you asking, though!”

“Of course,” Tim says. “I’ve had my fair share of Gotham scares.”

“I bet,” Wes laughs. This is safer territory. “You grew up here, right? You probably know all the protocol for living here.”

“Ohhh, yeah,” Tim joins him in laughter, his tone fond for the cesspool he knows so well. It’s something only Gothamites have perfected because most people with common sense react with revulsion to this filth they call a city. “Word of advice? Get a gas mask.”

“Mom has that covered, believe me.” Wes scoffs. “Mom went and had mine fitted. I get the concern, but wow.”

“Bruce did the same to me when I first moved in,” Tim says, and Wes doesn’t ask why the Drakes didn’t already have one fitted for him since they were also rich. There’s a reason why Brucie Wayne adopts every black haired child he sees, after all. “That’s just what parents do, I guess.”

The good ones, Wes thinks grimly to himself.

“Haha, yeah. That’s true.” He thinks of Rebecca, then thinks, Well, in for a penny…. “Hey, me and Rebecca were wondering—why doesn’t Wayne Enterprises have a TikTok?”

Tim blinks, caught off guard, then answers, “Well, we don’t really use social media for traditional advertisement, I suppose. Usually, we do social media sponsorships with influencers…. Huh. I guess I never really thought of it? I know the New York branch has an unofficial account that we haven’t shut down since it’s been rather harmless.”

That makes sense. The teenager who spends his nights parkouring across the rooftops of Gotham is too sleep deprived to remember the marketing potential of TikTok.

“Right,” Wes says. “Well, Rebecca is working on a pitch to my mom about it. She’s, like, super into it. She has at least a dozen scripts written for the first TikToks she wants to post, and has a bunch of emails drafted to get some departments in on it. She says it’s important to humanize a company before posting ads so we have an audience who is sympathetic to the company. Which, like. Wow. Kinda messed up. But good business tactics.”

“Huh.” Tim blinks again, and Wes is starkly aware of how wired but tired he must be. “Okay. Have Rebecca go ahead and make the account, but keep it private, and film a first TikTok. Send it to me before posting it. I’ll have filming equipment sent down. Work on it with her, yeah?”

“O-okay! I can do that,” Wes agrees. “Are we sending this through email, or…?”

“Right.” Tim nods, then grabs a sheet of paper from a notepad left behind on the conference table. He pulls a pen out from his suit jacket and scribbles something down, tears the page out, and then hands it to Wes.

It’s his work email. And also his personal phone. And Wes knows it’s Tim’s personal phone number because the number has “personal #” written next to it.

Cool cool cool cool cool. No need to freak out. It isn’t like Tucker would kill him to have this opportunity or anything. It isn’t like he has the personal number of the literal Red Robin superhero or anything.

“Oh, thanks!” is all Wes can squeak out, and Tim sends him a charming smile.

“Today was just luck. Text me next time you’re getting coffee so you know where to meet me.”

“Will do!” Wes agrees, and Tim nods, opening the door for Wes to exit, then follows him through.

They say a quick goodbye, and Wes beelines for Rebecca.

“You were in there for a while,” she comments, not looking up from her screen when he collapses onto his stool. She’s currently manipulating a photo of a Batbucks ice cream cone. “Did you two make out? I won’t rat you out. I may be in my twenties but I’m still cool like a teen.”

“No!” Wes blushes redder than his hair. “And that was, like, the lamest sentence ever. You’re lame. I regret scoring a Wayne Enterprises TikTok account for you now.”

This tidbit of knowledge rips Rebecca from her computer screen. “You’re kidding!”

He grins widely, “Nope! Our CEO says that you can go ahead and make an account, but keep it private. He says that he’ll send filming equipment down, and that he wants to personally approve of the video before posting.”

Rebecca lets out a squeal of excitement, “You’re the best intern ever! Does your mom have to send you back to Illinois in August? Are you sure we can’t keep you?”

“Sorry, but I’m in high demand.”

“Clearly. Ugh, you’re a little genius.” She looks at the meme on her screen. “Wow, this is boring now that I know we’ll be getting a TikTok.”

“Tim wants to see it by the end of the day,” he reminds her.

“Eugh. I knooowww, but still. Boring.” She sighs. “Do you think Batman is more of a vanilla or a chocolate kind of guy?”

Before figuring out that Batman was technically one of his Actual Big Bosses™, Wes might have cracked a joke about someone who dresses up in a BDSM fursuit to fight crime having no chance of being vanilla. With his current knowledge, Wes winces, and says, “Oh, vanilla all the way. He doesn’t have the creativity for anything else. I mean, the Bat Signal? The Batmobile? C’mon.”

Rebecca nods like this is totally rational reasoning, “You’re right, you’re right. Besides, I can’t spend the time on changing the ice cream now. Now, we have a TikTok to plan.”

And suddenly, Wes remembers his promise to be in the very first TikTok that Wayne Enterprises posts.

“Oh, no.”

“Oh, yes.”

--------

Tag List:

@blankliferain @amercurio @gin2212 @starscreamlover @hoarder-of-gender

If you want to be added to the Tag List just ask in the replies :)

#dp x dc #dc x dp #dp x dc crossover #danny phantom #wes weston #wesley weston #batman #dc #this was literally supposed to just be a one shot but here we are #this is probably gonna be wes/tim btw #stalker buddies au #the curse of sight

173 notes · View notes

treausre-fiction · 14 days

Text

Fan Favorite ; KHJ

Chapter 1

Y/N was a simple girl so to say . She had dreams just like any other girl in her 20s who enjoyed fangirling over different things whether that was the latest makeup release or her favorite KPOP group having a comeback , she lived a more simple life but still dreamed about her name being big in the stars .

With a turn of events of a fan and celebrity boundary being crossed , Y/N finds herself in a 18 year long situation.

YBSFN = Your Best Friends Name

Chapter 1 : Before The Storm

*Text Conversation*

Y/N : …. (YBSFN) I GOT THEM

Y/N: (YBSFN) ?!

Y/N: …. HELLO ?!!?

(YBSFN): …….

(YBSFN):……. HUH

You chuckle a bit as you see (YBSFN) text bubble constantly pop up and then go down again in a constant cycle.

(YBSFN): I’m seeing the CHOI JONGHO IN THE FLESH FUCKING BARRICADE!?

(YBSFN): I owe you my LIFE. Oh my god I’m gonna vomit

(YBSFN): Let’s chat outfits when I’m back home later !! I’m so excited ttyl

*End of Text Conversation*

You finally let out a sigh that had been in you since the announcement of this tour . You had been anxious about ticketing since the day ATEEZ had dropped their world tour . With KPOP becoming such a demand in the west , you didn’t think it would be possible to even secure floor tickets let alone barricade . Especially with their rise in popularity.

You open Twitter and post about your excitement while also scrolling to see who had been able to secure tickets , like always you had some happy and some threatening to burn down the ticket company. Just the norm.

For the rest of the day you scrolled on Pinterest for hours trying to put the perfect outfit together , sending multiple pictures to (YBSFN) asking for her opinion.

You were barricade so of course you needed to wear an outfit that would stand out and be different. Excitement filled you more and more as you looked at the tickets in your account and realized you would be seeing Hongjoong front row . Squealing and jumping around in your room , you started the countdown to the days until the concert . If only 59 days could come faster .

*Day Before The Concert *

Waking up you stared at yourself in the mirror and felt your heart thump with anxiety. It felt like only yesterday you were texting (YBSFN) about outfits and tickets only for the day to come so fast . You finished packing your small luggage as you (YBSFN) had decided to book a hotel near the area . Even though you weren’t far from the venue , the thought of commuting home when you could just take a 10 minute drive to your hotel sounded much more appealing.

“Mom ! I’m leaving now , (YBSFN)is gonna meet me there“

you shouted through your house as you pulled your luggage with you . Your mom came out to wave you off goodbye as you got into your Uber and officially started your little getaway .

You looked out the window as you passed the familiar big buildings in the city and giggled a little about maybe bumping into them . You weren’t going out your way to purposely run into them but just like every other fan , the thought of accidentally running into them and maybe getting an autograph made you smile a little . But just as fast as the thought came into your head was just as fast as it left once your Uber driver let you know you were here . The 35 minute drive had only felt like a blink and to say you didn’t feel a little sad since the day already felt like it was moving so fast would be a lie .

The hotel wasn’t anything extraordinary, definitely more higher class than most downtown hotels but nothing like you hadn’t seen before , or maybe you’re just boujee you thought to yourself . After about 20 minutes you were checked in and had an amazing view of the city . The sun shined between buildings as the sky was clear and blue as day.

*DING*

You grabbed your phone and just as you had suspected it was (YBSFN) letting you know she was here and waiting. You grabbed your bag , phone , hotel key and made your way downstairs to greet her and bring her luggage into the room so you guys could leave after and go explore downtown .

Before you guys had knew it ,the sun had set and you were back at the hotel setting your clothes out, accessories, checking if portable chargers were charged and preparing for your day tomorrow. As you pulled up the covers to your face and set your alarm , looking over to the side (YBSFN) had already fallen asleep. You felt your heart thump once more as you looked at your lock screen of Hongjoong and fell off to sleep .

Who would have known your life would be completely different after this .

23 notes · View notes

2aceofspades · 5 months

Note

I have a serious question. So, do you fully comprehend how awesome you are? Because damn. You’re legit one of my fav artists. You just consistently churn out these heartfelt masterpieces—sketches, doodles, finished or unfinished, they all MEAN something. You’ve also ALWAYS been so nice to talk to. I often get discouraged by the lack of interaction I get on platforms when I try to go outside my comfort zone and reach out, especially on Twitter. But any time I’ve asked a question or made a comment, you always take the time to respond and that’s just…so kind of you. So considerate. You don’t have to do that, but you do and it’s just lovely.

Anyway… I randomly remembered you saying that you didn’t feel as comfortable drawing Donnie and I just have to say that, whether it feels more comfortable now or not, he looks fantastic! Then again, every character you draw does! And of course Leo is my fav—my comfort character—so I’m not going to lie, it’s fun to see you draw so much of him.

I just can’t get over all the details in your work. I’m no artist, but I can appreciate how much emotion goes into your art. The squiggly lines when someone is nervous, the specific looks in their eyes, small details like scratching when anxious (I know I commented on that on a previous post)—you’re just so great with showing emotion!

Okay, okay. Gushing done… for now. Hope you have a fantastic week and thank you for being your awesome self!

Oh my stars waaaah-

When I tell you that I was not prepared for such a lovely and sweet ask oh boy-

I'm like...literally almost speechless oh my shining stars in the sky 🥹 like, I'm struggling to respond without blubbering too much oh jeez-

Just...thank you so much, seriously. Putting emotion and meaning into my work is what I always strive for, so for someone to recognise and compliment that...it just means the world to me. I am so honored.

I also have definitely felt discouraged at times when interacting with posts and such. I do my best to not take it personally, but I understand that sometimes...it's difficult. I do my best to respond to asks, comments, etc., even if I'm a bit late with responding. I know I'm not perfect and I can be a little scatterbrained, but I really do enjoy engaging with y'all. I have such a lovely following, and I love giving back to y'all as well <3

Ah, yes...Donnie...my sweet sweet Donald. I still think he looks very stiff and wonky when I draw him...especially f!Donnie. His shell...confuses me. But! Thank you for your kind words and your support! It definitely helps pep me up to draw him some more hehe 🤗✨

Also, I have to comment on Leo cuz he's also my favorite and my comfort character as well :3 I love drawing him even if sometimes he gives me such grief. I don't wanna think about how many times I've drawn that goober 😶

Anywhizzle!

Thank you again so so SO much for such a wonderfully kind and thoughtful message 🥹 I really appreciate you taking some time out of your day to send so much kindness my way. It really means a lot to me 🙌💙✨ Gah- I hope you have a fantastic week as well!

#ace answers #acey doodles #thank you again for your kindness and support 🙌✨#i really really needed this fr #thank you thank you thank you!!!#:)

31 notes · View notes

obsessedtomone · 4 months

Text

Unravel Yourself Before Me ⛓️ Chapter 6 - The Exposé▸Shigaraki x femReader

Chapter Summary:

◤ “Are you serious? Me being scared shitless means I'm into him?”

“But it’s not only that and you know it!” Smacking your arm, their beautiful fucking eyes bore into yours, peering at your soul. Of course it’s not only that, but you don’t want to fucking admit you feel anything for this fucked-up asshole to anyone, let alone your own damn self. ◢ Setting: University AU - No quirks (unless degenerate personalities count) Tags: Slow burn, Eventual Smut, Unhealthy/Toxic Relationships, Humiliation, Mentally Ill Reader, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to ??? Warning: Dead Dove – Do Not Eat | Mind the tags TW: Implied Su/Self H, Dubcon, Reader has a super shitty past like actually, Shigaraki Tomura is his own warning.

AO3 Crosspost | Chain Divider by firefly-graphics

Chapters: One • Two • Three • Four • Five • Six • Seven

Chapter 6 - The Exposé

All the noise, the chatter, the people—they drowned out the silence, as you sat like a loser in the corner of the busy shop, waiting.

With your leg bouncing—one of your nervous tics—you cast an anxious look around you, unable to shake the feeling that everyone was watching you, even off campus.

You’re hiding behind the safety of your hood, blankly watching people chatting while you were waiting for Taylor to show.

“Girl, if we’re going to discuss this fucked-up shit again, I reaaally need something to sweeten it up.” is what they told you over the phone after your little mental breakdown in the hallway, so they picked their favorite—and unfortunately really fucking popular—bubble tea store in the area for the both of you to have a talk in.

You’re torn between periodically checking your watch, your phone or your surroundings, visibly on edge as you alternate doing so. Conjuring whatever your therapist—or reddit post—told you to do when you’re having a huge panic attack and you’re not home. You began to take deep breaths.

You focus on your surroundings, the different smells, the people. The wallpaper that’s slightly torn in the corner where you’re sitting. You look around, you try your goddamn best and unsurprisingly—it doesn’t fucking work. It doesn’t, because save for your 3 different types of anxiety medication that you take every day, nothing fucking works. It doesn’t, because you stopped taking heavy medication after you figured the worst of everything had passed, after life finally became somewhat stable and bearable. Instead, you ride the nauseating wave and wait as patiently as you can.

Shigaraki managed to do a number on you today, because you took off as soon as he left. You seriously didn’t have the stomach to bump into more horny, borderline assailant creepy losers anymore.

It was more than enough that your phone was blowing up with an incredibly stupid amount of assholes, messaging you—harassing you—at regular intervals, and sending a lot more dick pics than you’ve ever seen in your lifetime, all combined in the span of a single fucking day. It made you want to turn it off, but unfortunately it was also the only way to contact Taylor outside the comfort of your PC, so you mute it, turn off the notifications suck it the fuck up until you got home today.

You leaving college early didn’t mean Taylor was done with their own classes. They were eager to skip and hurry to your aid, but you managed to convince them to stay by compromising, hence your sitting down in an overrated boba store right in the middle of a crisis.

With a sigh, you sip on your plain black coffee, scrolling through Twitter and passing as much time as you can before you have to even think about dealing with him.

Luckily, it didn’t take more than an hour, and the movement you see from the corner of your eye is a familiar one. Taylor was dressed up in a slutty black mesh crop top and a high waisted pair of black leggings. A few flashy accessories and a pair of sunglasses sitting snug on top of their head were complementing the skimpy club outfit nicely.

“You do realize winter starts in like a month, slut?” a knowing smile played on your lips, pure relief coating your gaze at the sight of them before you. You’re not alone.

Not this time.

“Yeah? Well, how about you shut the fuck up. It’s like fucking winter all year round for you, bitch.” they smile back at you warmly. “Are you okay, babe?” Taylor asks you, their expression slipping into a concerned one.

“Yeah, I’ll manage. Do you want to go order now, or?”

“It’s okay, I can always steal from yours.” they wink and yoink your drink before your very eyes—a crime about to unfold in front of you.

“Wait, dude it’s—”

“Eeewwwww! Fuck off with this shit!” Your friend basically threw the drink back at you, splashing some on the table and immediately getting up to order. Your dumb ‘told ya so’ face irritating the fuck outta them too.

“If you would’ve asked me, I could have told you what it was.” you shrug, sighing and your voice taking on a cheerful lilt as you spoke in a condescending tone. They threw you a middle finger, mouthed a ‘fuck yourself’ and made their way to the counter to order.

“And we don’t know what he’s talking about? Like at all?” Taylor sipped on their caramel milk white tea diabetes, and asked you.

“Nooo fucking clue. He kept talking like a goddamn psychopath about this ‘pReSeNT’—” you do air quotes, mocking his stupid fucking voice while you spoke about him, “—he’s got for me. Where or what it is, I wouldn’t know. I’m half expecting to find a dead body in front of my apartment today, if I’m honest.” you deadpan.

“Hmm…I guess we’ll have to wait and find out? It sucks, but there’s not much we can do about it except to wait for now.” your friend eyes you curiously and seems to weigh something in their mind.

You roll your eyes, because you’ve already picked up on it. “Shoot. You’re not done.”

As if possessed, Taylor immediately lights up and blurts a series of incredibly inadequate questions.

“What did he smell like? People say he looks like he’s never washed his shit, but his clothes looked clean to me, maybe a little bit worn out?” your friend stares off in the distance, pondering. “What does it feel like when he looks at you up close? I mean, I know he was fucking with you, but there’s nooo way he’s not interested in you. I’ve never heard of him really interacting with people that intimately,” Taylor giggles, “—pinning them to the walllll two freaking times?!” they go on, as if Shigaraki was truly a hopeless romantic and not a rich psychopath who gets off on making girls cry. If your friend notices the blatant shock in your face, they don’t mention it, and instead continue their barrage of inappropriate questions.

“So, this is my theory, okaaay? I think he kind of likes you? I mean he’s beaten the shit out of girls before for less than the shit you did, from what I’ve heard about him. He’s definitely cutting you slack. Oh yeah, how come you didn’t pepper spray his ass? You usually don’t hesitate.” Taylor asks you genuinely. “Bet that would’ve been funny.” A snicker escaped them as they couldn't help but imagine. “Gasp! Do you think he’d screech?!”

“I fucking can’t with you.” shaking your head, you looked out of the window.

“Well?” they cast a hopeful glance in your direction, waiting for you to respond.

A frustrated exhale escapes your lips. “Fuck. You’re lucky I’m short on friends.” you say, as if you had any friends, shooting your friend a playful, irritated glance and making them wiggle their perfectly-shaped eyebrows at you. “Can we seriously not humanize him right now? He’s just a psycho.”

“A psycho you’re intoooo.” they don’t fail to add, batting their long fake eyelashes innocently. You couldn’t believe your ears. “C’mooon, all these years I’ve known you and this guy is the first one who’s doing a number on you! Don’t even try to pretend with me, girl.” Taylor rolls their eyes.

“Are you serious? Me being scared shitless means I'm into him?”

“He smelled fine. Like detergent, cigs and uh…cologne, maybe?” You leave out the part where you don’t think you’ve smelled any sort of perfume on him before today. Maybe you were actually just delusional. Your friend’s eyes widen.

“When he looks at me it feels… Intense. Like I can’t lie or hide, which is new because that’s all I know to do. But it’s like he knows everything about you and expects you to disappoint him in some way. It’s really weird, no one ever looks at me or cares if I exist—not like this.”

Because I definitely made sure of that, you think.

Taylor nods excitedly, waiting for you to go on. It’s like they completely forgot the entire reason you’re here right now, but you brush it off, because their behavior is nothing new to you. You’ve known them long enough to realize that under their perfect appearance they still have flaws, and frankly it didn’t bother you. If anything it was kind of funny how they found humor in the face of the shittiest situations and if it wasn’t you that was in the middle of it, you’d probably laugh at it too.

Misery loves company.

“Uhhh, I couldn’t think much when he did that shit, so I didn’t pay close attention, but he looks tired, I think? Ragged. Worn out like his stupid clothes. He’s kinda like that on the inside and out.” you stare through your friend.

“I honestly don’t know why I didn’t pepper spray him. It felt wrong, even when I had the chance. Maybe I was afraid that whatever dumb shit he pulled, he’d double down if I include physical offense to the list of bullshit he holds up against me. I’m sure I’ll regret hesitating once I finally find out what the fuck he’s done, but in the moment I was frozen.” you sigh, “I don’t like being weak. I thought I got over most of my mommy and daddy issues, but it only took a bigger asshole to bring it out of me again, man...” you hit your fist against the table. Your frustration clouding your vision once again.

You should’ve beaten his ass even if it meant he’d be beating yours in return, fuck this complacent shit.

You hated being weak.

You thought you got better at this.

“Honey, no. No, no, no. You’re not weak.” they take your hands in theirs and their soft voice melts your heart. The touch is gentle. “You’re like, the strongest bitch I know.”

“Shut up.” you look away, frowning.

“I’m serious. We'll figure this whole thing out, okay? Sorry for being nosey, that was really fucked of me.” they grip your arm and squeeze it softly, expression full of understanding.

“It’s fine. That’s not the issue, I’m just really tired of this shit.” It wasn’t fine, but you know they meant well. Your thoughts were running at a hundred miles per hour now, the exhaustion catching up with your foggy brain.

───────── Click —

You unlock the door to your apartment and look around to see if anything’s out of place. Maybe for a dead body that wasn’t so out of the question anymore. You double and triple check, going into every room two or three times. Everything’s where it’s supposed to be and no one seems to have broken into your apartment yet.

If you somehow went back to the version you were this morning, you’d find the way you act right now kind of silly.

You were not, though, not anymore, and you knew better now.

After a well deserved warm shower, you sit down on your cheap thirty dollar IKEA chair and boot your PC up. For the next few hours, you decide gaming is your best coping mechanism for stress, because you didn’t know when the other shoe was going to drop—the thought of it killing you.

You only managed to play for a couple of hours, really, before your phone went off and you saw your friend call you.

“Yeah? I literally saw you like five minutes ago, did you miss me that much?” you joke but it falls super flat and you hear Taylor exhale shakily.

“Y/n?”

“What? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” you ask quickly, your voice turning into one of worry.

Did he do something to them?

“Y/n, hey. Umm. C-Can you check your.. Sorry, it’s really hard to speak right now—” they choke up.

“That’s okay, t-take your time. I’m here. I’m listening.” you frown at your white wall.

Something was very wrong.

“Okay.” they take a deep breath. “Do you remember that social media platform for uni students in our city? The really popular one. T-The one where I hooked up with that one guy who asked me to peg him in the first five minutes of our date?” Taylor sniffled, “You didn’t want to make an account because it was ‘a waste of time’, r-remember?”

“Yeah? Taylor, what's happening? Get to the point, please.”

“W-Well, I’ll send you my login and you c-can check it yourself, hold on.” you hear their fake nails tapping in quick succession on what you assumed was their phone.

“Can you tell me alread—”

“Hold on, you have to see this, I-I really can’t.” they sniffled again and you furrowed your brow even more.

You were waiting, leg once again bouncing anxiously, until your phone finally pinged. You put your friend on speaker, while you quickly type in the address and the login on your pc.

“So what am I supposed to see?”

“Scroll down, you’ll find it. I’m so, so fucking sorry, Y/n. We’ll go to the dean’s office, or the police…we’ll, FUCK, we’ll get this sorted, okay?” your friend tries to reassure you, but they sounded like they needed it more right now.

Still having no clue what you’re supposed to find, you scroll for a while, listening to Taylor mumble some more. It was random post after post of random frat guys they followed, Taylor’s exes, friends, etcetera. “I still don’t—”

Until you see it.

Suddenly, dread filled your lungs.

[ Hiiii everyone!!! I’m Y/N L/N! The hot emo chick in your comp-sci class at Weston NexTech! ]

*Click Image Attachment

Swallowing emptily, you clicked on the first attachment.

What greeted you was your barely legal self staring back at you. An almost nude mirror selfie, arm hooking under one of the legs, hanging them in the air while you used your other hand to teasingly raise the strap of your thong for the viewer—your ‘boyfriend’ at the time, to see.

Immediately, you understand exactly what this was.

Revenge porn.

[ Bet that got your attention, hehe! I’m writing because I’m suuuper fucking bored and I was hoping that you guys could cheer me up ;) ]

*Click Image Attachment

“Babe? Y-You okay?”

“Hang on.” you answer snappily.

In the second image, your bare ass was on display, bent over the bed and looking back at the camera. It makes your stomach twist. You remember these pictures.

[ I’m new at this, however I loooooooooove attention and I bet there’s a lot of you guys who are just as lonely as I am!

I’m shy as fuck but I know what I want—to take loads of YOUR massive delicious cocks before I graduate, so this little miss honor student is going to cut you a deal, okay? :o ]

*Click Image Attachment

You thought that maybe Taylor hung up on you, but you figured you just stopped being able to hear anything at some point during the call.

Your heart was pounding wildly now. Glancing at the engagement, you noticed there were about two thousand fucking people who liked this post. Two whole fucking thousands and the thread didn’t even end there.

[ It’s unconventional but u’ll find my email address and my phone number at the end of the thread! Make sure you watch the video I attached! I put soooo much effort in it and I made it just for you guys.

I’ll be teasing you with the rest of the clips every Tuesday at 11 PM! :3] Suddenly, a lot of today’s events made sense to you. The phone calls, the spam emails, the people looking at you funny and the jocks almost sexually assaulting you in the hallway.

[Pleaseee, please, please shoot me a message or talk to me IRL, I’d like to get to know - wink wink - as many of you hotties as I can <3

Keep in mind that I’m really shy, so don’t take me saying no for an answer, I like really rough roleplay, iykwim?

Till next Tuesday, thank you for all the likes!]

*Play Video When the first few frames start rolling, you immediately tell what the video is going to be about.

It’s been years, a different time of your life that you’d like so, so badly to just fucking erase from your brain. You were high out of your mind and you happened to let your asshole boyfriend—more like the dealer you used to fuck on multiple occassions—take incredibly compromising pictures of your body, and true to the nature of the creep, he also made videos of you having sex with him. You were younger, really fucking stupid, always under the influcence, constantly daring life over and over to end your misery. It meant you didn’t give a fuck about some insignificant pictures and it meant that, if anything, you used to like the attention from him. From anyone.

That all changed when you started cleaning up your act. You made him delete all of them, you really did, but the fucker must have had backups, something that did cross your mind at the time, but you thought—hoped, that he at least wouldn’t share them with anyone. He was a coward and a criminal, one that you had a lot of dirt on in case he decided to fuck you over. It should’ve been fine, you should’ve been safe.

Unless someone like Shigaraki managed to get a hold of him, threatening or paying him off to get what he wanted.

You haven’t gotten the slightest clue as to how he put two and two together to find your ex, you had almost completely changed your identity since, but that must not matter for someone of Shigaraki’s caliber, because you’re now staring at the evidence that more than half of your university has access to.

It wasn’t your regular homemade porn video, but one of the more disturbing ones you’ve made. One that you’ve tried, and succeeded for the most part, to forget about. Until now.

Hearing sobs in the background, you realize you are tuned back to the present and can finally hear again. What surprised you was that…it wasn’t you who was sobbing.

“Taylor?” you ask in a monotone voice, a quiet tear escaping you.

“Y/n? I’m so sorry, I’m really sorry.”

You don’t know how to comfort them. You don’t even know how to comfort yourself.

“It’s not the full video, he’s splitting it in parts. He’s planning to fuck with me and post them the day before class every week, to gauge my reaction like an actual psychopath.”

“I’m so sorry.. We can—we.. we can go to the dean and—”

“No.” you quickly interrupt. It felt like your friend was crying for you too, because all you could feel was numbness. Too numb to feel sorry for yourself right now. “I’m not sure they’ll believe me, plus his dad is a big shot. I’ll try but let’s not get our hopes up.” you say, detached.

“Y/n, please, we can—we can go to the police!”

“It’s fine, I’m hanging up now. I’m—I’m going to call him.” you shudder.

“What? No, don’t! We need the police, please, please, let’s go to the police!”

“You know I can’t do that, Tay. I’ll talk to you later. It’ll be fine.” you lie and hang up.

Your hands were shaking as you were staring at the ‘Call’ button.

Unsure if he was going to pick up at all, you take a deep breath and press it.

Ring.

“Yea?” a raspy voice replies, seemingly distracted, and you hear the sounds of a mechanical keyboard.

“It’s Y/n.”

For a moment, there was only silence.

Then, you hear a strange sound. It takes you a good second to realize he was fucking giggling.

“Uh-huuuuh. What do you want? I’m busy.” he says while his fingers are audibly mashing the keyboard.

You take a deep breath. “Take it down, Shigaraki.” you demand, knowing full well your plea will fall on deaf ears.

“Take what down?” he smiles and you could fucking hear it.

“You know. Don’t play dumb with me. Take. It. Down.”

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, you’ll have to be more specific.” he says innocently, feigning ignorance.

“What do you want, huh?” you begin, quickly losing your patience, “Do you want me to blow you? Sleep with you? What do you want from me?”

“Whoaaaa, chilllll. Do I look like some desperate loser to you?” he says it, like he doesn’t know. “Only idiots fuck ugly bimbos like you, be for real. Do I look like an idiot to—Fuck! They’re on B, planting! Fucking TP there, stop wasting time.” There’s a moment of silence. “Do you want to win or what? Fucking listen to me, then. Fuck.” he barks angrily at whoever he’s talking to.

It takes you a second but it finally clicks to you. Shigaraki was currently gaming, playing with his friends, relaxing, while you felt your life falling apart for the 1000th time this month.

“Okay.” you finally say.

“Okay? Okay, what?” he scoffs. “You know, you should try a little harder, Y/n. I told you what to do, if you want me to help you.” Shigaraki pauses, focusing on his game for a moment. “Maybe you do enjoy this kind of thing, after all. I wouldn’t really put it past you. When I saw those vids, boy, I gotta admit, I didn’t think you were the type.”

“First of all, it’s none of your fucking business what I do in my free time. Second of all, do you even know how old I was back then? What I went through, for you to go on and post those online for everyone to see?” You know he didn’t give two fucks, you do, however that does little to stop you from falling apart in front of him. “Like, how low can you really stoop?”

Last time you snapped at him proved not to be a good idea, but this was your final straw.

“Damn, don't get so emotional, man. Not my problem you let your shitty boyfriends take advantage of you like that—Fuck, shut up, not talking you man. I’m in a call, fucking—focus on the game!” he continues, “Listen, do you have anything else to say besides bitching at me? Last I recall, I gave you two options and so far you ignored both of them. Why should I do anything for you, hm?”

It felt difficult to listen to a human being being so cruel, so uncaring and find your problems to be so trivial. It’s not the first time, but he’s probably amongst the worst you’ve encountered in your little fucked up life.

“I’m sorry.” you say honestly, breaking that apology record after all.

“Hm? Come again? Didn't hear ya.” he smiles expectantly. At last, the breaking point. Tomura hoped that ideally, it would be in class, with you kneeling before him in front of everyone else when it happened, but this was okay too.

“I’m fucking sorry, okay?”

The weight of today came crashing all at once and you finally broke down crying—in front of the fucking devil himself of all people—and you hear him say ‘BRB’ to what you assumed were his friends. After some shuffling, the line became silent again, save for your sobs.

“I’m sorry for being a bitch to you in the convenience store, I’m sorry for talking to you in class and I’m sorry for being stupid and getting you in trouble with the professor. I’m really fucking sorry, I didn’t know any better, but now I do and I wish I’d never talked to you. I was really stupid. Really, really stupid to cross you. Can you please, please take the thread down? I’ll make sure I’ve learned my place.”

Instead of feeling ecstatic now that he had you where he wanted you to be, begging him and treating him like a god, Tomura felt something unexpected twisting within him while hearing the desperation in your voice.

Anger.

You wished you’d never talked to him? Shouldn’t you have wished to be nicer, for him to forgive you, for him to like you? What kind of apology was this? Why were you so fucking clueless?

“That all?” he replies to you, voice sounding indifferent.

“What?” you whisper.

“Is that all, I asked. Are you fuckin’ deaf now or something?” he asks, raising his voice at you.

“I-I don’t understand, I’m being genuinely—”

“I dOn’T unDerStanD. Fucking—cry more, bitch.” Shigaraki mocks your words in a whiny voice. “You’re wasting my time, so if that’s all you have to say, I’m hanging up.”

You wouldn’t know, but this type of anger wasn’t planned. It was defensive. Tomura was being irrationally angry with you right now.

The hurt was new to him, and he’s only ever felt it around you. The first time was probably when you left him fucking hanging in class that one time when he’d tried to reach out to you—something he’s never done for anyone else before, perhaps since he was a kid. Not that you’d ever find out about it, but it added more fuel to his anger, because he realized you were someone who could—

“What?! Can you stop being a fucking child for one second, and talk to me so I can understand?”

“There’s nothing to understand, you’re fucking retarded and I’m going to make sure you can’t set your foot outside your house anymore. Stupid bitch, maybe I’ll post the entire thing today and get it over with,” you hear him grunt. “I fucking lost the game too, because of your stupid sorry ass.”

“ —really fucking hate you, Shigaraki!” What did you have to lose now? “But you’re used to people feeling like that about you, aren’t you? Fucking with everyone’s lives like you’re some god.” you spat. “You’re not, you’re just a… you’re just a little pathetic unoriginal asshole. I can’t fucking believe how stupid I was, to let myself—to ever think I could ever stoop so low and like someone like y— ”

The blood drained from your face, realizing just what you were about to reveal to him

Your heart sped up

Stupid, stupid, fucking stupid.

You hear Shigaraki inhale softly.

“What was that?”

“Fuck off.” you whisper, about to hang up, when he shouts.

“HEY. Repeat? What did you say? You can’t believe you what?” he pressed you eagerly, but you were done with this conversation.

“I said–go fuck yourself, asshole. Pray I die before I have to see you again. Bye.”

“If you fucking DARE to hang up now, I swear to fucking GOD.” the guy screeches in your ear, but you don’t reply and end the call.

His behavior struck you as odd, because he couldn’t wait to hang up on you earlier so what could have possibly changed. Did he want more shit to use against you? Was revenge porn not enough?

It doesn’t really matter anymore, because you were already plotting how to end yourself in your head. This was your specialty when things went especially wrong, call it suicidal ideation or whatever.

Turning your phone off, you sink to the floor and stare up at the ceiling. You were feeling numb again.

Everything was going horribly wrong.

#shigaraki x reader #shigaraki x y/n #emotional hurt/comfort #shigaraki tomura #unhealthy relationships #dead dove do not eat #trigger warnings #shigaraki tomura x reader #shigaraki fanfiction #shigaraki x you #tenko shimura #tomura shigaraki #college au #reader is female

26 notes · View notes

gentlebeardsbarngrill · 27 days

Text

03/29/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Cast & Crew Sightings; David Jenkins; Rhys Darby; Taika/Rachel; Con O'neill; Will Arnett; Trans Day of Visibility; Cool Pirates; Fan Spotlight; Love Notes; Daily Darby/Tonight's Taika;

Hey lovelies, I'm late again, but I got some good sleep. I'm finding it's much easier to write love notes after I wake up so I'm debating how I wanna go about moving forward :) I'll keep you posted. Hope you have a good day <3

= David Jenkins =

Chaos Dad just poking his head out to weigh in on the milk debate. Src: @Soupbeech on twitter

= Rhys Darby =

Just a little sing along with our favorite captain.

The Edge Podcast: Apple / Spotify Source: EdgeAfternoons Instagram

= Taika Waititi =

Taika is spreading the word on Rachel House's new movie The Mountain! Src: Taika's IG

= Con O'Neill =

Con O'Neill just out in Dublin feeling cute. Src: Con's IG

= Will Arnet =

Will Arnett is just hanging with a few... Former Presidents of the United States?! SRC: Will Arnett's IG

= Samba Schutte =

== Trans Day of Visibility: Cool Pirates ==

First on the #CoolPirates From in the House is Kate!/Force! Learn more about Kate: Tumblr

#CoolPirates from the crew side: Jes Tom! @jesthekid 💛🤍💜🖤 🏳️‍⚧️ Instagram / Tumblr

== Fan Spotlight ==

Yes! And how could we forget, CHICKEN HAT MAN, Ted Barton! Thank you @melvisik!!

= Big Gay Energy Podcast =

Another reaction episode of Big Gay Energy Podcast is out!

youtube

== Love Notes ==

Can I just take a moment to tell you all how much you mean to me? I have been on the internet for a long time, since the olden days of AOL, Dial Up Internet, yelling at your family to get off the phone so you can log on, and when google image search had only like 3 pictures when you did a search on it (my first image search was Harrison Ford by the way).

And never in my many years of fandoms, and being online have I ever met such a wonderfully welcoming group of people. I spent a lot of years being anxious, and even now, when my confidence has grown, it was hard at first to want to just jump into the fandom. But you know what? I took a leap, and all you wonderful people just welcomed me, and every other person with open arms. You were kind, and supportive, and continue to be every single day.

I see so many folks mention that they were afraid to use tumblr or to engage and then some kind person in the fandom made them feel safe and welcome, and now we have another lovely, talented, kind, beautiful member of our crew.

This fandom really is second to none, and I want you to know just how much a positive impact on the world you have, because it's huge. And sure, we do some other cool stuff like raise money and things but like, on a day to day scale, you make people feel safe. Our crew gets to go throughout there day with a positive experience they didnt have prior... they can take that positivity and spread it to others because they might have one more spoon today because of all of you.

I just want you to know you make such a wonderful impact on this world, so if you're ever struggling and wondering where to go from here, poke your head back into this fandom and see all the love we have for you.

Hope you have a lovely day/night m'dears, get some rest this weekend <3

== Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika ==

Today's theme is Silly!

Darby gif courtesy of @thunderwingdoomslayer

Taika gift courtesy of @mxmollusca

#ofmd #daily ofmd recap #daily ofmd recaps #ofmd daily recap #ofmd daily recaps #our flag means death #rhys darby #david jenkins #taika waititi #samba schutte #will arnett #jes tom #trans day of visibility #con o'neill #rachel house #save ofmd #adopt our crew #Youtube

77 notes · View notes

intimidating-fettuccine · 2 years

Note

Hey! Could I request random fluff headcanons of Ben, Jeff and Tim please? Thank you!

Like the last post with the Slender bros, I just did one fluffy thing for each of them~

Editing in a link to the Slender bros post here~

Jeff:

Gets grumpy if he doesn't get snuggles and kisses from you in the morning. Everyone around him can immediately tell if he got to wake up to snuggles and kisses from you or not, because he's always more out of it and grumpy if he hasn't. Waking up to you is always his favorite thing, and he understands that sometimes you have to rush to get somewhere and you guys don't have time, but it's such a crucial step to making him wake up happy at this point that everyone else starts hoping for you to do it. Quite honestly there are days where they'll track you down in the middle of the day and bring you to Jeff just so you can smooch him a bit and get him back on track for the day. Poor touch starved baby just needs his affection from you to make him happy and sociable.

Tim:

Bakes for you every time he notices you even remotely upset. He's a damn good chef and baker, and he knows all of your favorite recipes, and so if he even just notices you having a slightly off day he'll whip up something special for you to cheer you up. Whether he's serving it to you with lunch, or as dessert at the end of the day, he's always happy to do whatever he can to cheer you up a bit, and food is something that can be comforting and helpful, so that's what he does for you. Baking for you is essentially his love language. Tim has never been good with his words, and so he uses his actions to show you that he's there for you, and he loves you and cares for you, and he isn't going anywhere. You can always depend on him, for anything at all. All you need to do is ask.

BEN:

Alters your social media feeds whenever you're depressed or anxious about something. Whether it's Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, or Tiktok, it doesn't matter- he'll use his powers to alter your feeds to give you content that's incredibly uplifting, that will remind you everything is okay, that you'll be alright, and in between all of that, he'll sneak in some posts that he knows are guaranteed to make you laugh, or at the very least crack a smile. He never owns up to it, and you never point it out, but you do end up feeling a bit better, relaxing more whenever he shows you such content, and it makes him happy to know he can help you out in such a way. If all else fails, though, he's also quite alright with snuggling up to you and doing whatever he can to make you feel better at the end of the day.

430 notes · View notes

am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

Note

I suspect I know the answer but. AITA for "disappearing" from my online accounts pretty regularly?

I (22) have been fairly active in online fandom culture since I was ~13. Most of that has been on tumblr, some on twitter/tiktok/discord. I bounce around between different fandoms-- there's not really any one fandom that has stuck since I was a kid-- and I'm not a big creator. I don't do art, I occasionally write fanfic but never anything that's gotten super famous (which I'm cool with, I write for the enjoyment of myself and the like 5 other freaks who like the same things I do. it would honestly really bother me if I got too much attention.)

I also have some issues with paranoia and social detachment. I dealt with rather severe childhood abuse, which I'm not going to discuss, but which basically means I'm very emotionally detached. I have solo hobbies i really enjoy, and I like discussing common interests (like fandom stuff) with people, but I've never really had friends/romantic interests, and have zero interest in either of those things. The only people I'm really close to are my siblings. I'm definitely not an introvert, not shy/socially anxious, and not lonely. I have morals and care about society in a general sense, and I want the best for people, so I try to be polite and a Good Person as much as possible-- but ultimately I don't feel any kind of attachment to other people. I really don't want to hurt people, I just want to be left alone.

I really try to politely communicate this to people, since I've had quite a few incidents where I've been told I "lead people on", or people thinking we're friends and then getting upset when they realize I really don't care that much about them. It does make me feel bad to hurt others like that (and is also frustrating to deal with), but I can't exactly force myself to have emotions. I get along well with my irl coworkers/classmates/roommates, since they understand I just need a lot of space. Where I may be TA is with online friends.

About once every 6-12 months, I delete my entire online presence and start over. I orphan my ao3 fics, delete any and all accounts, and make sure my new accounts don't in any way link back to my old accounts. Usually when I do this it's because 1 I've changed interests and don't care about my old fandom, or 2 I feel like the people I know online start getting too close and emotionally attached to me. I usually post an explanation a few days before so people don't think something bad happened, saying that I'm going to be taking a break from social media for a while, and if anyone asks me for another way to contact me I just say I'm going to be completely offline. Then I just.... wipe everything and start over. I don't really know what my old mutuals are doing and don't particularly care? Like obviously I wish all the best for them, but I just don't think about them at all.

I've been doing this since I was a young teenager, but I was discussing fandom/social media presence with some irl classmates recently and brought it up. The reactions ranged from "weird but harmless" to "super mean and hurtful to the people you abandoned".

So: tumblr, AITA for disappearing?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

108 notes · View notes

lhazaar · 30 days

Text

hey. i'm turning my chair around and sitting in it backwards now because i want to speak specifically to people with ocd. this is a targeted post and is not meant to apply to the userbase of this website at large or to serve as a policy decision.

hi. do you know what scrupulosity means? it is a strong, intense, often painful concern about morality or religion. it's very common for religious people with ocd, actually—the fear that you've sinned, that you will sin, that your thoughts themselves are sinful. you're afraid of being an evil person. every thought and feeling you have is scrutinized to exhaustion in case it's proof that you're evil. this also happens for non-religious people with ocd, it's just that ours will look different; it's often a preoccupation with social justice issues. you care a lot about being a good person, right! most people do. you want to be a good person, you want to be kind to others and to dismantle oppressive systems where you can. i'm making some assumptions here, but they're based on my specific audience base.

so, there's this thing that happens online, especially on tumblr and twitter—not because bluh bluh platforms bad, but because of the ways in which information is propagated on here. people used to tag for these posts sporadically but don't do so as much anymore. you know posts that exhort you, the reader, specifically, to take action? they tell you not to look away, not to bury your head in the sand. they tell you to give and to agitate and to donate time, money, resources.

those posts used to make me intensely, deeply anxious. i don't mean mild agitation, i mean life-ruining, day-occupying panic that seizes your entire body, and thoughts that don't leave your brain. guilt that paralzyes you because you, personally, cannot go kill the politicians responsible. you don't have enough money to do more than donate a few dollars, and sometimes you don't even have that. but because of where you live, because of the fact that you have internet access and you're literate enough to read these posts, you know that you have a level of privilege that most people never will. you're aware of that privilege because you're reasonably in-tune with social justice movements and you've probably spent some time dissecting your own privilege to examine your biases. (that's not a bad thing; i'm not here to condemn that. stay with me, if you can.)

there's a thing that can happen if you've lived with ocd like this for a long time where you become kind of incapable of telling what's addressed to you personally and what isn't. everything feels like a personal exhortation. you have trouble saying no, or knowing when you're overextended, because other people have it worse. how dare you enjoy relative comfort when people are being bombed or drowning in a climate change -induced flood or being crushed to death in a crowd panic. how dare you not be aware of it at all times, always, constantly. how dare you look away. don't look away.

i want to tell you about something i went through, if that's okay. a lot of people who follow me will already know this, but i haven't talked about this aspect of it very much publicly. in 2020, while visiting my partner in southern oregon, we had to evacuate from wildfires twice in under 24 hours. that was a really, really bad fire season, caused and perpetuated by a combination of global climate change and colonialization practices that destroyed traditional indigenous fire management strategies across the west coast of north america. fires stretched from bc to california. we wound up fleeing south, and then had to flee back north again, hemmed in on three sides. i flew back home to bc shortly afterwards, and i have this vivid, awful memory of seeing my home mountain range, the cascades, choked out with smoke from the window of an airplane. the woman in front of me sobbed the entire time until we touched down.

i remember thinking at that time that it was insane the entire world wasn't stopping. what i was experiencing was apocalyptic in scale—the fire we ran from the first time was part of a complex that chewed up entire towns. it wasn't the first fire season, nor the worst for the continent, nor the world. but all i could think in the moment was why aren't we doing anything, this is going to be all of us in a decade, why are people looking away.

if i had gone online and posted that, it would not have been morally wrong of me. there's no ascribing morality to a reaction like that. i mean, if i'd gone to someone who suffered in the years prior in australia or california and told them that ours was So Much Worse, that would have made me an asshole, but i didn't do that. i made some upset facebook posts targeted at the trump voters in my family, but i had no way to express at the time the sort of clawing panic of WHY AREN'T PEOPLE DOING ANYTHING??

the answer to that, which you probably know, is: what would they have done? we were sheltered by friends we evacuated with, but what power did a mutual in new york or wales or singapore have to affect a wildfire in oregon?

so, come back to the present day with me again, if you will. i said above that posts worded like this used to make me really, really anxious. in the span of time after the fire, i developed ptsd, and my ocd ruined my life. i took an extra year to graduate after i'd finished all my coursework because i could not send in the forms required. i was too busy spending 10-16 hours a day rearranging furniture in my room, or lying in bed, full-body tense, until it felt like my teeth would crack from the pressure. i'm medicated now. i'm grateful for it. i have more tolerance for these posts because i've been there. i know the op isn't doing anything wrong, because they're not wrong. why isn't the world stopping to look at a natural disaster, or a genocide? the world should not be like this.

you are not the world. you are someone with a brain that will torture you to death given the chance. you know how learning to reckon with your privileges, whatever they may be, requires you to not try and escape them? you need to be able to hold in your head that yes, you benefit from something that isn't fair; yes, other people should have that benefit, and that they don't is unjust. but you need to, for example, not try and weasel your way out of being white because you're uncomfortable with the guilt that it produces. you need to not go online and say well not ALL americans because you can't sit with the idea of being complicit in american imperialism. if you have ocd, you need to apply that to your own brain, too. you need to apply it to every post that you see. you need to know that people are not speaking directly to you, they are crying out in pain and fear. they are not doing anything wrong. they are scared and hurting.

they do not benefit from you taking on all the guilt of that fear and pain. i am not saying this to absolve you of the guilt. i am saying that you need to be able to exist with that level of guilt without allowing it to paralyze and destroy you. if you can't do that right now, i'm not here to cast judgement on you. blacklist phrases. i had "wildfire" blacklisted for a long time. i'm sure i missed aid posts because of it. the alternative was me being nonfunctional. for a long time, i had donation posts blacklisted across the board, because the way my ocd worked meant that i was neurologically incapable of knowing where my own limits were, and i would give money i did not have. if you need to do that, this is me giving you permission. doing this does not make you evil. it does not make you morally bankrupt. it makes you someone whose brain is trying to fucking kill them, and the world needs you to not let that happen.

this is not a post about how you're exempt from caring about the world if you're mentally ill, it's about how you cannot apply that care to anything useful if you're having massive panic spirals every other day about the guilt that you feel. your guilt should not rule your life. if it does, i say this kindly, but you very likely need medication. i'm sorry if you don't have access to that right now. you cannot think your way out of ocd. you cannot think your way into stopping neural activity. you cannot guilt your way into being a good person; you have to be able to exist with the guilt and not let it rule you in order to do that. nobody benefits from your brain trying to martyr you in the name of solving the world's suffering.

you need to be able to function, free of crushing and paralyzing guilt, before you can help anyone. you are not an effective ally like this just because your brain tells you that it's necessary.

#bark bark #ocd tag #actually ocd #also i want to say this now: if you do not experience ocd i do not want your 'well actually' takes on this.#again. this is not a site-wide thing i think everyone should do #do not mistake this for me saying that it's ~okay~ to be wilfully ignorant about genocide or climate disaster #i am speaking to a very specific clinical population whose brains do not work in a way that people outside of that population understand #the guilt you experience with ocd is not the same guilt that everyone has just turned up #it warps your entire personality. it warps your sense of right and wrong #you will deal with it for your entire life unfortunately #(even medicated i still absolutely have Intense White Guilt episodes lol #i just try not to make them my loved ones' problem #because part of handling pathological guilt has to be responsibility without overresponsibility)

16 notes · View notes

ohwhataniight · 7 days

Text

more than the world can contain - Chapter 4: A Scandal in Belgravia - Part 3

Part 1, Part 2

Songs I was listening to while writing:

Sherlocked

Faded

Tango del Fuego

So. I can't stop writing and posting little bits of my WIP. It's horrible. I can't seem to be able to sit down and proofread and complete it before I appear on your dashboard again. Anyway, please forgive my impatience once again.

Irene Adler makes me hot. Seriously, every character in this universe makes me swoon. Impertinent.

Now that’s a visual and auditory experience I never expected I’d acquire. Sherlock Holmes, the mighty and seemingly heartless (I declare bullshit to that) detective, lying like a giant lump in his bed under covers he keeps throwing off, tossing and turning, his voice alternating between tiny whimpers and an anxious baritone. “I am not in love, I am not in love.”

In retrospect, I should have seen this coming. I had been foolish enough to be comforted by his “married to my work” facade and assume that this - us, solving crimes together - would keep being enough for him. I should have listened to Donovan. “He’ll get bored of you” meaning you’ll never be enough. Because, apparently, people who could be enough for Sherlock do exist, after all, in the form of women who match him in wits and ineffability. It only makes sense that he has to deny being in love with such a person, a woman, now that was unexpected, only a day into meeting her. Such forms of denial, when uttered with such desperation by those lips, are akin to a declaration.

Honestly, I don’t know what this sinking feeling in my stomach really signifies. I should have expected this, and even if I hadn’t, I shouldn’t care. I don’t know why I care, why it feels so ugly and wrong that Sherlock Holmes is so adamantly denying (declaring) his love for a woman who, painful as it is to admit, is a perfect match for his mind and his looks. I think I have sort of become addicted to this - this us, again - to being handcuffed together, running around foggy London hand-in-hand, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson, just the two of us, sleuth brothers-in-arms, colleagues, friends.

For some reason I can only blurrily see, my knees give out with the idea of someone else stepping into the equation.

“He’ll get bored of you”.

About bloody time I realized that, then.

But for now, he’s unconscious, and distressed, and he needs me. So I provide the comfort he requires, my hand brushing damp, stray curls away from his forehead, stroking his head, hushing him, taking it all in (including the image of his lipstick-stained skin) while I still can, privy to the fact that the only reason he accepts that is because he’s high as a fucking kite. The realization tugs painfully on my heart like a rusty hook.

Yet, he seems to want me here, leans into the touch, drags me close with his arms wrapped like tentacles around my waist when I make an attempt to withdraw after musing on consent, and when he calls my name I realize that I’m more than okay to do that for the most brilliant man in the world.

I’m okay with him needing me, until he realizes he doesn’t anymore.

Tasteful touch, the moaning. It attracts some delightfully appalled stares. Especially from John. He’s been counting.

She is interesting too, diverting, even. A pleasant distraction. I stalk her on Twitter, become occupied with her in more ways than one. I never respond to her texts, and yet it’s still somehow like a two-way conversation. She catches up quickly, she understands. It’s refreshing to find someone who is equally intrigued by The Game, and fit to follow (or even lead, sometimes).

Until her texts become all about John Watson.

Still not responding?

Are you so terribly busy, Mr. Holmes?

You’re having breakfast together, aren’t you? How domestic.

I can do to you things that would make John Watson blush.

We could let him watch.

John watching. John participating. John. The images materialize instantly in my head - it’s the curse of exceptional intelligence combined with a synaesthetic ability of sorts. Damn my mind palace. Thankfully, the presence of both Mycroft and Mrs. Hudson in the room is distasteful enough for me to be able to brush off every and any unsettling image involving the Woman and John.

To be continued...

#sherlock holmes #john watson #johnlock #bbc sherlock #johnlock fanfiction #johnlock fic #sherlock #fanfiction #queer #gay #a scandal in belgravia #irene adler

19 notes · View notes

hueningsloverr · 9 months

Text

౨ৎ not your song !

chapter two : NOT IN LOVE

pairing : hueningkai x 6th member!reader summary : tomorrow x together, or txt, wasn't always six members, and for some unforeseen reason, it wouldn't stay six either. set in : pre-debut, skips to around late 2019 word count : 1.0k

prev / next / masterlist

as the group inched closer to their debut, kai couldn’t help but notice how restless (y/n) had become. she fidgeted with her hands more, picked at her nails, and played with her hair.

not that kai was obsessing over her or anything. he wasn’t stalking the poor girl, or taking every moment he had with her to look at her. he was not in love with her. he just, noticed?

“are you anxious?” he had asked her, randomly, one day.

she hadn’t know what to say, so she didn’t say anything. but she did shake her head, her eyes screwed shut.

kai nodded to himself, and sat down next to her on the floor of one of the many practice rooms. it was just the two of them at the time; beomgyu and taehyun had left for some idotic reason, yeonjun babysitting them, and soobin was discussing something with a manager.

“if you’re nervous, that’s okay.” he added, mumbling slightly.

“i’m not nervous. they’re calling me the ‘fourth gen weapon’ or something stupid. i’m so far from nervous.” she laughed, a faux confident tone in her voice.

kai nodded slowly, as if to say ‘i know you want to say more, so say it.’

and clearly, she picked up on his message.

“i don’t- it’s just that my last group was pulled right before we debuted. my family was torn apart in like five minutes.” she huffed, running a hand through her hair absentmindedly.

“why? you never did tell us why love machine got pulled, and you didn’t tell us why they didn’t just put together a new group for you.”

“they are putting together a new group, i think they were just too scared i’d leave big hit, so they put me in the first group they could find, which so happened to be txt.” she grinned, playfully hitting her shoulder against his.

“why was love machine disbanded?” kai asked again, a serious look in his eyes and determination in his voice.

he was not in love with her (which tyun and gyu liked to tease him about), but he was worried about her, like any friend would be.

right?

it didn’t occur to kai at the moment to ask about the ‘new group’ being put together. (y/n) had been with txt for nearly a year now, and they were debuting in a month, so why would she have another group waiting for her?

“i don’t know.” she snapped, an upset look filling her face. “they didn’t tell me. they didn’t tell any of us. one moment we were so close to debuting, and the next we were done for.”

kai should’ve calmed her down, comforted her. she was upset, and hurt, over something that happened so long ago. that sort of pain only makers a person bitter. but kai did not do that.

instead, he simply left. grovelling about how she needed to learn to control her temper.

as the group debuted, of course, they made waves. five boys and a girl was not exactly ‘the norm’ in the industry, nor was (y/n) though.

of course, each member was set to open their own personal twitter after the success of txt within the first week, so fans could stay updated on their favorite member(s).

(y/n) was the only one who was really active on social media though, posting silly photos and updates. of course, they all got approved by management first, but fans didn’t seem to care. they still idolised their girl and her posts, making their own posts wondering what she could be ‘teasing’.

her first post, unnaturally, got a million views, nearly a million likes, and three hundred thousand retweets.

kai wasn’t aware that that many people even listen to k-pop, let alone liked (y/n).

his feelings towards her were mixed, still weary from pre-debut, yet he had accepted that she had upstaged him. he didn’t hate the girl, of course not, but it’s not like he was in love with her.

she was no taehyun, beomgyu, or yeonjun - all of whom he'd been with for nearly two years.

and she definitely was no soobin, who suspiciously gifted kai a penguin plushie on the first day of their break after the groups exhausting debut.

though kai never thanked soobin for the plushie, he didn’t know what other member would do such a thing for him. soobin was really kai's only friend during their trainee days, always sticking by the younger boys side. soobin looked out for kai. always. so who else would give kai a gift?

kai never stopped to consider (y/n), the one who went around questioning each member on their favorite animal. maybe he brushed the possibility of the girl being the gifter off because he missed beomgyu and taehyun happily thanking her for the gifts she got them.

either way, kai never stopped to think about the girl except for wondering how long she'd actually be with the group. sure, her vocals were good, and any day of the week she could out-rap any member, but her dancing was different.

he knew that not all girls could easily do boy group choreography, but even his little sister, bahiyyih, was able to mimic some of the choreo.

(y/n) on the other hand, had the choreo changed to suit her. yes, she was more flexible, and sure she wasn't a towering 6'1 like soobin was, but what was her real excuse to have the choreo differ? when beomgyu brought up the change in crown to suit a sixth member, and a girl, and how odd it was, she simply laughed it off.

"i'm not you, my dancing isn't the same as yours. we weren't trained to debut in the same style of dancing." she giggled, shaking her head.

the answer was sufficient enough for the other boys, but not for kai.

"then why are you here? or why not change your style?"

she didn't have a response for him, shrugging and continuing on with what she was doing before.

perhaps he was a bit rude with her, but he barely even counted her as a friend. when people theorised if txt were friends, family, or just co-workers, kai wanted to shout that they were a family - but he didn't exactly count her.

the other boys did, of course, but it didn't exactly bother the teen. he didn't hate her, but he was not in love with the girl. he had learnt to just be indifferent.

and he planned on staying indifferent.

26 notes · View notes