#even if I sometimes space out and don’t read the subtitles
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TMNT Headcanons: Japanese
For every installment of TMNT I’m providing why each turtle would speak/practice/appreciate Japanese, enjoy!
TMNT 2003
Leonardo
- speaking in Japanese strictly to speak formally to Splinter
- doesn’t curse
- nothing informal, iykyk
- I honestly think he would be great at writing kanji, I headcanon that Leonardo has the neatest handwriting out of his brothers
Raphael
- definetely uses that shit to degrade EVERYONE and EVERYTHING that pisses him off.
- You know that man gets mad at everything, even BUGS.
-Expect it to be very informal, likes to use it around Casey to confuse him
-can’t write it as good as Leo, but it’s legible & that’s what matters y’all
Donatello
- uses it to curse…but a little for the sake of speaking it just to speak it.
- Still working on informalities and formalities, but whatever
- not the best at writing it
-chicken scratch fr fr
- don’t ask him to write anything for you
-secretly uses duolingo, emotionally attached to the duo bird xoxo
Michelangelo
- uses it to curse
- can translate (when nobody asked,)
- also to joke around, observe:
Raph: *incoherent cursing in Japanese*
Mikey: so what he means to say is-
Leo: I know what he said!
TMNT 2007
Leonardo
-loves to describe different things using Japanese. Like, he'll compliment the weather or the way something looks
-liked to use it in South America to scare people into thinking it was a ghost
- sort of kind of writes it, not all the time, I think 2007!Leo would fuck up some Japanese poetry though <3
Raphael
-you guys remember his police radio right? Sometimes he'll go on there and talk in Japanese just to fuck with them.
-they dont know what he's saying
-observe the phrase Raph loves the most:
"クソ制服からゼリーを舐め続けろ、ろくでなし！"
-ill let you guys search that.
- uses it around Mikey to confuse him, but only for short phrases
-doesn’t write it as much, I headcanon he has the second best handwriting in this one since he’s canonically left handed, (I’m ambidextrous) but I speak for all left handed people that we dislike the lead stain on the side of our hands A LOT.
Donatello
-like raph, he uses it someitmes to fuck with the customers on the other line of his IT Tech Support job. If they're giving him a hard time, or being plain stupid, he'll start describing what to do to fix their problem in a different language.
-uses it freely, except one time he was helping a guy who was fluent in it.
-all it took was a "yokai" in response and Donnie was bamboozled.
-he doesn't use it as much on there anymore after that.
-definitely had one of those learn kanji books where you trace the symbols so he can better learn the linework
Michelangelo
-i like to think in this universe of tmnt, Mikey and Splinter watch J-dramas together
-its already mentioned that Splinter is into soaps, imagine him and Mikey watching a good old J-Drama from the 90s.
-Without english subtitles
-Splinter likes it that way, it's more dramatic
-has definitely taught some kids from the parties he hosted how to write pizza in Japanese
TMNT 2012
Leonardo
-okay, he definetely has watched Space Heroes in the Japanese Dub
-A1 voice acting, he loves it
-He sometimes like to say the orders in his head he says to his brothers in Japanese, to see if he still got his translating skills yk?
- would try and speak it around Karai to impress her no doubt
- called inanimate objects by their name in Japanese- couch: ソファー table: テーブル mutagen: 変異原, you get the gist yall
-while splinter was teaching them all how to read and write, Leo got his hands on some post-its and stuck them on every piece of furniture and machinery around the lair and wrote their name in kanji
-convinced that it works and don’t tell him otherwise
Donatello
-would 100% teach April a thing or two
-Master Splinter offered to teach April
-cue Donnie coming into the cut saying he could do it instead
-one on one study sessions with him and April, she enjoys it a lot
-donnie is actually a great teacher
-until he gets into the phonetic and semantics- ie; the science on why in the Japanese language they pronounce certain things the way they do
-she doesn't remember much about that part
- talks to himself while he’s working on an invention, sometimes to Timothy
-Timothy definitely doesn’t understand what the fuck he’s saying
Bayverse TMNT
Leonardo
-most likely uses it while on missions and fighting and in stealth mode, but mainly uses sign language during said stealth mode
-he practices his writing all the time, is really into line work and origins of the language/the evolution of it from ancient to modern Japanese
- enjoys reading it in his downtime, that man definitely has a stack of old Japanese literature that he likes to read!
Donatello
-Reddit man for the win
- anything about Japanese culture/aesthetics, he can answer!
-doesn’t speak it much, but he enjoys learning about the culture a lot!
-REALLY loves Japanese City Pop, probably bayverse Donnie’s favorite genre of music no doubt
-Donnie passes notes under the door of his lab to whoever’s passing by when he needs something, not a full sentence at all, just one word notes.
Observe:
After some loud knocking coming from the other side of the lab door, Leonardo comes to it as if it’s a habit at this point. He’s so used to Donnie not coming out his lab for hours, and he’s come accustomed to retrieving any item he needs from the “outside world.”
So when he sees the neatly placed slip of paper of “food!” written in chicken scratch kanji, he’s trudging his feet to the cupboard where Donnie’s secret stash of lab snacks are. Yes, a whole bin that’s labeled “lab snacks.” He reaches for the usual packet of strawberry frosted Pop-Tarts, noticing that there’s only one box left. He would have to ask April to get some again soon.
Leonardo wonders if he should attempt to toast them for Donnie, but as he glances at the silver toaster that Donnie fixed (again) a few nights ago, he thinks about how badly it would end and how pissed Donnie would get for having to fix it the 4th time this week. He picks out the aluminum wrapped strawberry Pop Tarts as is, placing the bin back in its secret place to where Mikey can’t see it.
Raphael
-likes the art aspect of Japanese culture, has the kanji for “family” etched on his shell
-since he knits in his past time, he makes small things that reflect the language or art in some way, whether it be making a cherry blossom rug for Splinter’s room, or making Mikey his requested mits for the winter time patrols with his name written in kanji
- like Donnie, he doesn’t verbally speak it, but incorporates it into his life in some way
-will engrave anything if his that he can with kanji
-since he can’t exactly get a tattoo, he reverts to engraving, hence his shell
Michelangelo
- 100% calls the pizza shop and orders in Japanese
-they don’t understand what he’s saying
-when the Hamato family is feeling some Japanese food, he hits them up and orders in Japanese, he gets all giddy when they respond back
Rise!TMNT
Leonardo
-him and Donnie argue in Japanese 110%
-he’s struggling with memorizing certain kanji symbols, so he’s using Rosetta Stone
-doesn’t like the Duo bird
-has a conspiracy theory that the Duo bird tracks his every move???
-will switch the TV to a J-Drama or put Splinter’s TV to the Japanese Dub version of whatever he’s watching just to fuck with him
-secretly enjoys said J-Dramas
-pretends to be leader and barks orders in Japanese
-yeah nobody listens to him
Donatello
-using his “platinum library card,” he loves those Japanese picture books of modern art
-DOES NOT lend them to Mikey, since he’s missing some now
-overdue library books because of this
-really enjoys those learn kanji trace workbooks, will trace the symbols with a purple colored pencil
-also, everything he writes will be in purple
-he doesn’t care what you think about that
Raphael
-calls animals by their name in Japanese
-cats, dogs, whatever! He’s naming them out loud
-had a pet parrot once that he got to speak back to him in Japanese
-he loved that
-until Leo got his parrot to curse in Japanese
-didn’t know how to make him stop, so he had to deal with that for a while
Michelangelo
-participates in changing the TV around to the Japanese Dub with Leo to mess with Splinter
-the cause of Donnie’s overdue books
-he really likes the art! Preferably the modern art
-100% prank calls people with Leo pretending to be foreign realtors & telling people they’re overdue on their car insurance
Masterlist
#tmnt#tmnt 2007#bayverse tmnt#tmnt 2012#tmnt 2003#raphael#donatello#leonardo#tmnt imagines#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt imagine#tmnt headcanons#tmnt 2018#tmnt 2016#tmnt fandom
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Be My Favorite Ep 5 Stray Thoughts
Last week, Kawi went on the class trip that he missed in the past and encountered incredibly frustrating hazing rituals. His affection for Pear was used against him, and he ended up mildly embarrassed when Pear turned him down as gently as she could. Pisaeng, after being chided by Kawi, also directly turned Pear down. Max was glorious and unbothered. Not and the seniors suck. Pear is absolutely someone worth admiring, and I get why people like her. I’m currently impressed by how well this show is enabling everyone to grow by having one person start down a path of becoming more emotionally honest and forthright.
Curious that the show went out of the way to make sure we know that Not gets no bitches.
I like that Pisaeng is tippy-toeing to confessing to Kawi. He told him he made things clear with Pear because he cares how Kawi sees him and he needed to know if he was still going to pursue Pear on his own. He doesn’t want Kawi to know that he and others heard him being rejected.
Oh, it’s cool that Kawi is having a hard time taking advantage of the lottery.
Kawi building an interactive friendship with Pear is also a huge relief.
Big fan of the way the time travel rules have been established, because we have a reason to stick around here.
Kawi, please don’t knock yourself for being a subtitler. They are the most important people for the international audience.
I feel like Pisaeng is properly dealing with his own queerness for the first time, and I really hope he goes back to the gay club later.
Not is really making himself appealing to the girls by being condescending and an asshole.
Big fan of Max. Don’t be moody about your problems if you don’t want to tell me the tea. Also, it’s your issue not your potential suitor.
He went back to the club! This is definitely his first time being in a queer space.
Nooo! Don’t run away from Max!
I feel sad for Kawi that Not and co. took his joy for songwriting.
Oh, yes, Max. READ HIS ASS.
I need to learn the name of Pear’s friend because she just delivered a WORD. Being kind and offering encouragement costs so little! Stop being so mean!
I am in love with Max. He was a bit harsh with Pisaeng, but baby gays need to get over themselves a little bit sometimes.
Look at that. Just a little bit of encouragement and Kawi’s already doing better.
This show just said we have a duty to be kind to each other and ourselves, because the world is just a place. Oh my goodness.
This the third time we’ve seen someone get rejected kindly on this show. In each case, it has seemingly made things better between the pair. I feel like we will be writing about this more later.
This show just said “changes are more important than miracles.” What the absolute fuck? I am kinda losing my mind over a Jittirain show once again.
Gawin is so fucking good at playing a gay man learning to love himself. This is the third time!
I love that someone else saw potential in Kawi after he put himself out there. It wasn’t the chance he wanted, but it’s the one he found. This is actually really nice.
Curious whose perspective they want us to read this final montage from. Both? Neither?
Gawin played freshman Pisaeng differently. That was so well done. He’s talented.
Wow. I think I actually really like this show. It feels like it’s trying to gently deprogram the audience. It’s like it knew a lot of us were bringing a lot of hostile energy to the viewing and said, “Would you mind being just a little bit kinder?” and you know what, maybe I will be. This has been really lovely so far, and I think I need to soften my stance with it. There are some incredible ideas here about the important of community and treated each other with just a little bit more kindness and respect. I also like that the show said plainly that it hurts us all to withhold our feelings from each other, because even if we can’t reciprocate them we can still build something good for everyone out of it. I will be seated for the rest of this ride.
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Wait, why am I even writting this
Finally guetting to watch the Hollow Crown (just after watching Archipelago from 2010, just putting the info right here) and I don’t understand, I think, a half of what is going on ‘because it’s old english drama Shakespeare and it’s NOT my mother tongue so I haven’t what, had english litteratury classes?, so nevermind (I wish I had, somehow, maybe ? The thing is, I’ve actually started reading an old Penguin Book I bought one day at an air-open second hand bookstore on my way back from work, and it’s English poetry, OLD English poetry, and it’s fun to read, even though I don’t understand half of what I’m reading, but it’s okay, it’s fun ‘cause you can learn while reading : it’s poetry (verse) so it rhymes, (yay, that’s, okay nevermind)
AND THERE IS NO SUBTITLE
So i’m just like watching something I half understand with my favorite actor* in it; trowing faces and expression and voices (sometimes it’s like he was singing or doing slam poetry/music) it’s fun, (he’s not the only one, but I bet it’s the art’s genre), it’s a play, it’s pleasant to the ear, it’s comedy, trajedy, classical, history) (bravo my dear, you can connect your 2 neurons from time to time)
Just to clarify, usually I don’t specially need subtitles, but it’s easier for me to understand, but when I really really pay attention, with a good sound etc, for example with interviews I think I can get about 80% of the info I’m watching/hearing without subtitles.
BUT HERE, HECK,
just don’t know what the fuck is going on mate (50%), and just seeing his face doing things, (and his voice of course), it’s just pleasant to watch (or not), like you don’t have to fully understand wtf is going on to appreciate what you are watching.
And I think it’s beautiful, to be able to, at the same way, communicate with your audience with emotions and not necessarly words ( that’s what we are searching here, with the sounds, the voices, the visuals, emotions, DRAMA, with a capital D, everything here is complementary I think I could pause at every scene and get something to describe like a painting or a figure de style from a writting, and so go on, that’s why I love art in its every forms)) did I just talked about cinema here ?
And also to be able to connect people, at some point, through space and time, to feel things through a media, without even knowing them.
*cough*
sorry, got carried away
And so, I had to share this ‘cause, I don’t know, I don’t understand half of the words used in the show, but the facial expressions of Tom Hiddleston in this, (of Tom Hiddleston in general you are going to tell me), I mean, they do help a lot, to understand the fuck is going on. That’s one of the reasons why I consider him to be a good (or even, very good) actor.
Because I’m pretty sure I’m gonna find these f^cking subtitles and even then translations because, YEAH, i’m french, not british, and no, i didn’t pay to watch the show, but I am poor (I’ve lost my job, I can barely afford a roof above the head, I’m burned out by multifactorial problems) and I do believe art should not be reserved to those who can affort it, so yeah sue me, (and I’m making art so bnlnlnlnl if I could pay I would)
again, I digress,
I’m gonna get these subtitles and I will get the details and the rest of the info, like a puzzle, and I will learn culture, maye history, words, language, and I think it’s one of the best ways to learn something, and to get to understand some ways of thinking. In the world. Even today. Even later. This is classical shit, I did some literature in French, a few boring shit actually, but some of them did hit me, in the gut. I also did Latin, a bit, very little lol, my teacher was the best for it.
And I think it’s interresting to get to know why a person is so important in the eyes of others. I think it’s interresting to get to or at least to try to understand, what it is to be from somewhere else. I think it’s important to try and connect the dots between things.
And in the end I don’t even know why I’m saying all this, because it must be obvious, or just lame or I don’t know, this is not my field, I’m not doing art for a living, I’m an aborted scientist, with emotional outbursts and utopian political ideas, (or radical, I never know, it’s always changing, they never tell you the same thing twice)
I think I’m doing philosophy at some point, at each appointement, with my psychiatrist. And talking about politics, and Douglas Adams.
But I am glad to be able to enjoy, today, these kind of things, I am glad to be more interested in English litterature thanks to this man (and many other human beings) I am glad to be more interested in litterature in generals, I’m sure we can use these kind of materials to make english classes for example, go, take a ticket, go to the theater with your class, make some young souls sensible to art, make them sensible to their emotions. That’s how you make humans, that’s how you forge humanity. (wow, that’s some strong words, even for me)
And now bring your friends, and make them discover your passions, because this is what makes us alive.
* I am watching his filmography because I’m hyperfocusing because I’ve ADHD, don’t mind me
Anyway, thank you for reading, I hope I didn’t boooore you with my thoughts, sorry for this shitload of spelling and grammar errors, I am currently writting other articles, I hope one day I will finish what I’m starting, may the force be with you, take care
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Red time :D I’m watching Jojo
Pregame
Ollie freaking out that they’re supposed to change skins 😂
Mmm yes studying time
I am taking so many notes queen
What are Jojo’s teammates’ pronouns? She used they/them for Ollie but idk
Also heads up that I don’t know Spanish so I’m just gonna be smiling and nodding
J… my beloved
Ollie so proud of having done their homework :))
Kara doing her best, we stan (I know absolutely zero Spanish send help)
WHY SANDS EARLY???? 😭😭😭
Ok it makes sense since there are a lot of new people but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna be happy about it /hj
They are the underdogs, I believe
Jojo being so proud of Ollie and how much they’ve studied <333
“Oh my god I love the emojis” I love Ollie ;-;
I want them to win so bad, you don’t get it
“We’re on the same team!!” “Not right now” I love Ollie and Jojo’s banter so much
Ollie talking about how they hope this could be the start of MCC including more Spanish streamers and being really excited to be part of the event being more open to other communities :)))
Oh my gosh mc ultimate, that was so long ago
We do a little bit of breathing, so true
Me not knowing a lick of Spanish but loving the energy :))
I only know like five words in Spanish so I’m just vibing and every now I’m then like “ah yes, bien means good”
It probably says something that listening to people talking in another language doesn’t even sound weird to me because of how hard APD goes, it just sounds like this to me sometimes even when I do know the language lmao
The “THIRTO YNE” in the sky 😂
Rocket Spleef
The excited/nervous energy on this team is so endearing, they’re all so happy to be here but also with a healthy coat of anxiety
Them all cheering Jojo on :))
That last minute elimination lol
THE MCC LORE!!! THEYRE LOOKING TO HIRE A NEW SKYWRITER CAUSE THEIR CURRENT ONE MESSED UP!!! I love MCC you guys
TGTTOSAWAF
Gonna be real, I was spaced the heck out during this game, Jojo did well tho!!
Parkour Warrior
So do we know what happened with Shadoune?
They’re a player down but they’re keeping morale up :))
Jojo’s ability to first try the wavy bridge thing is incredibly intimidating actually
She’s going for the hard ending!!
That checkerboard is breaking my brain but I kinda love it???
The STRESS
Ollie’s popping off tho
FIRST!!!! oh wait nevermind 😭😭😭
Parkour Tag
They’re popping off!!! They’re lasting so long so often!!
The way you can tell that they’re having so much fun now that they’ve found a groove :))
Capitan top 5!!!
“Chat, I was the nerf” Jojo 😂
Sylvee my beloved
What song even is this lol
OH it’s good for you, helps when you can actually hear the instrumental lmao
Holy crap Bad, I know he didn’t mean it but that is the most backhanded compliment in existence
Grid Runners
They’re doing well!!
That copy the sculpture was pain tho
It felt like they figured out the rod thing really quick
Meltdown
I’m so ready for them to pop off, you don’t understand
Jojo frantically switching to English when she gets frozen is way funnier to me than it should be
Ayyyy they won the first round :D
Nooooo them just running around a locked room is and falling into the lava together :((
Survival Games
Gonna be honest, the pov I have to read subtitles for probably isn’t the one I should be watching while drawing lol
They’re doing great though!! People are just dropping like flies and they’re killing it
They swept blue!!
YOOO first place with all surviving!!!
“Hispanic on top!!! Vamos!!” Hell yeah!!!
“The Spanish Inquisition” 😂😂😂
He doesn’t know where the sand goes 😭😭😭
Sands of Time
The “holã HBomb” in the chat <333
I believe in jojosolos sot supremacy
They all sound so stressed but that’s not really an indicator of how good it’s going in sands lol
It’s so funny to hear “oh my gosh” after 90% of the English words in this call have been “f*ck” or “ok” lol
It’s super possible indeed :)))
YEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
Dodgebolt
Them <333
Capitan 1v3!!
THEY WONN!!!!!!!
Jojo winning shot my beloved <3
MASSIVE DUB FOR SPANISH SPEAKERS EVERYWHERE!!!!
Jojo appreciation hour <333
THEY DIDNT EVEN KNOW ABOUT THE COIN 😭😭😭 “we get a prize?” I’m losing it
They’re so excited about the box <33
“I’m gonna propose to my girlfriend with that” OLLIE 😂
Ollie wanting to team with English streamers too :))
“I think Jojo- she doesn’t speak English, right?” “I don’t- no- I…” “No?” The absolute flub 😂
They’re so excited to come back :((((( I love them :(((
I love chill after calls :))
Captain/capitan team <333
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going very slowly through a rewatch of the haunted mansion and i just noticed in the first scene when jim is showing that couple a house he’s like “it’s love, isn’t it? sometimes you walk into a house and take one look around, and you know.” and idk i just never applied it to the plot before and just kept it in the context of him trying to sell that house but like. yeah. bc when jim and sara are talking abt the fine details of the house and its decorations it’s like the first thing edward responds to. also you can see it in the design of the evers’ house it just looks kind of...like a show house? until we see michael’s room wehre he’s got space stuff and magician posters up everywhere. the downstairs doesn’t really looked lived in and that could be bc jim is just not really there and they’re not really a happy family at the time. like when jim and sara are fighting in the hall and living room it’s like…you can tell no one hangs out in there. they aren’t having family time. it’s clean bc they aren’t using it so it’s never messy in the first place
also i just always glossed over the “disturbances” that prompt them calling the evers (outside of ramsley literally just trying to get himself out of the bind he put everyone in) is actually that edward is going through like an increasingly unstable ghost depression. i usually read the ghost at the beginning of the movie that screams at the flyer kid to go away as ramsley, but honestly it could be edward bc he’s genuinely agitated throughout the entire first act like even when he’s talking to sara although he obviously softens up at the sight of her. but yeah the subtitles don’t mention the “go away” line at all its just kinda treated like a sound effect so its unclear who actually says the line.
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New Post has been published on Harold Gross: The 5a.m. Critic
New Post has been published on http://literaryends.com/hgblog/three-body-san-ti/
Three Body (San ti)
[2.5 stars]
The Three Body Problem, by Cixin Liu, was one of the most celebrated and respected hard science fiction novels of the last few decades. It is Russian-novel complex, but utterly consistent and fascinating. It was ripe for a media treatment… and there are two.
The second arrives in March 2024 on Netflix by way of the Game of Thrones team. But the first was a 30 episode extravaganza from China, where the book was originally written. I have higher hopes for the Netflix production having seen the teaser recently, but the Chinese original, while a commitment to be sure, is a fascinating example of adaptation. Whether you love it or hate it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a single book (or half a book in this case) given that much space to exist in broadcast media.
So, to explain that… Three Body is the first in a trilogy of books, so when I saw a count of 30 episodes, I assumed it was covering the entire scope (10 per book) or at least a truly detailed dramatization of the the wide-ranging first book. I was so wrong… and that is part of my fascination with, and frustration with, the series.
As with all adaptations, there are changes in the broadcast series from the book. Some are interesting, but many are rather off-putting, ultimately. And the pace of the reveal is even slower than the book… which is saying something. I can’t say I understand the reason for that change in particular. The story barely has any pace until the 19th episode. I don’t mind philosophical musing and discussions, but I know the story and holding it back as long as they did was not a way to hook folks in my opinion.
Add to this the additional challenge that some of the main motivations were being rewritten even after they’d been established, sometimes more than once. While I accept that the reasons we do things are often many-layered, you shouldn’t shift the main drive, or even deny it, once things are codified. The core act in this story is set up and reconceived many times over the episodes. Some reasons dovetail nicely, others don’t.
Ultimately, the conclusion of the series sells a very different ending than the book. And again, I emphasize this doesn’t even quite cover the first half of the book. However the final frame leaves you with a definitive “The End,” implying there is no more to come, so whatever you’re going to take from it, you’ve a finite pool of action and dialogue. That ultimate message isn’t entirely incompatible with the original trilogy, but it is reductive and unsatisfying for those who have read it. If you haven’t, well, you’d have to let me know. I can’t forget the story enough to approximate that experience.
And now a moment about subtitles… I expect some variance in quality of subtitles, especially in TV. But around episode 19 the translations got really, really bad. Like they read as nonsense bad. If you didn’t know the story, I’m not even sure if you could follow the plot at that point, though I imagine you can make some guesses based on what you know and then what you learn. The Dali-esque lyrics and music that run before and after each episode don’t really help either, implying meaning that mostly had no place in the story as shown. And many of them are in English. Or at least they are using English words…I still don’t know what a lot of them meant in context.
I will say that some of the direct dramatizations were exactly what I’d pictured (in a good way) and that the finale is as spectacular as the scene they took it from in the book. The coda that follows is where the story completely petered out for me. Perhaps they intend to follow it up, but I’m assuming this is all we’re going to get. To their credit, the did bring it to a final moment and message. And neither are out of sync with Liu’s, but they’re delivered in a way that feels unfair and unfinished after such a long journey, and very myopic. Again, I have more hope for the Netflix version, though they too could foul it up big time if they try too hard.
While not streaming generally, the Chinese version has been available via PBS. And, if nothing else, read the original book, it is truly spectacular and translated beautifully by fellow author Ken Liu (no relation). The second book’s translation is less adept, but the Liu’s reteam for the third book in the series. And the whole journey is on a universe-spanning scale that is truly amazing to travel.
Where to watch
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how i (personally) pirate things. this is by no means a great extensive perfect guide, ill just give you the process of how i go about it. and if you’re in a country where they monitor your internet usage, consider getting a good vpn! always helps. also if anyone wants to add their personal resources, PLEASE DO!!! you’re encouraged to do so!!!
not much to do with the pirating itself, but i download most of the stuff i watch/read/listen. sometimes websites get deleted and links go bad, but files are forever! consider getting a usb/external disk for your stuff. it was one of my first investments as an adult. got a 1 TB disk 5 years ago and im not even halfway through filling it. so most of the sites listed here are for downloads. sorry if you prefer streaming stuff.
in the same subject, get VLC media player. it’s a great media player that works with a bunch of file formats AND you can add subtitle/cc files for the stuff you watch. more on that later.
and for the love of fucking god GET MOZILLA. i swear to God, if you only use chrome it will change your browsing experience. it's just a better experience, no tracking, uses less space, has a bunch of useful add ons to help with browsing security. for a search engine i use startpage. it's just Google without blocking pages and tracking. life-changing
to the actual pirating. first step if you want to WATCH stuff:
AND also, keep in mind that if you can’t find something here, i suggest you go to a non-google browser, and simply type out what you want + “watch/download free”. of course you should get an ad block (i recommend ublock) and learn how to recognized fake links, but that’s just practise. most of the time you’ll find a random website that has what you’re looking for.
torrent:
- for movies, i usually turn to yts/yify movies. this is the latinamerican site but im sure it’s available almost everywhere. quite good catalogue, not that complete, but yknow. its good. any time you download a torrent file, make sure the file is .torrent, and that the thing you’re downloading is in the right format (mp4, mp3, mkv, etc. don’t open.exe files from places that aren’t trustworthy lol)
- torrent is IN MY OPINION one of the best ways to download media in general. i use it mostly for movies, tv shows and games. my go to torrent client is deluge because it doesn’t use much space and it’s fairly easy to use. here’s a tutorial, for you to learn how to use it. not difficult at all
- for subtitles /ccs, i go to yts-subs. bunch of subtitles in all languages. or simply check out opensubtitles, my oldest friend
- for tv shows it gets tricky, because i had a website i used before but its gone now :( so i turned to limetorrents. you can find it if you search for it. has a bunch of other stuff but i only use it when i have nowhere to turn to lmao. but upadates quite quickly, so. just make sure the uploader seems constant and trustworthy, which you can check in their profile.
non torrent stuff:
- for pc games: igggames hasn’t failed me yet. they update their links quite often
- for books: z-library (latine link, but just look it up! should show up). and my recent ally, vk. you should all love vk. vk is my fucking best friend. just look up [book name] + vk and it should show up.
- for audiobooks: vk! my good friend. i’d suggest you make an account and then check out this profile. or simply google [book] + audiobook + vk. something will pop up. audio files can only be streamed on the website, but fear not, there is also mobilism, which also has some other content, though i use it mostly for audiobooks. you’ll have to make an account but thats fine. you can download the files in there.
- for anime: i don’t watch a lot of anime tbh, but you can find subtitled anime here
- for premium apps: here’s my trusty spotify premium link. but mobilism has links for android and ios apps as well! i have a friend who uses it and says the links check out, so!
- for music: how old are you? just download stuff from youtube with a youtube to mp3 converted. jeez.
im surely missing a website, so maybe i’ll add something later, but this is pretty much it! thanks for watching.
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Crash and Burn
fandom | miraculous ladybug
genre | salt, lila salt
pairing | n/a
w.c | 3.2k
author's note | hey remember that lila salt fic i promised? this isn't it but this is something i made today so yep. please accept this as an apology for yknow. me promising to write and. not doing it.
Enough was enough.
“Marinette, stop accusing Lila! She just wants to make friends!”
“Take the high road.”
“Be a good model student, Marinette.”
Enough. Was. Enough.
Marinette had the connections, the power, the choice to make Lila’s entire world crumble apart. The only thing that stood between the liar’s demise was the tiniest pinch of morality and self-restraint— And no, that self-restraint did not come in the form of Tikki. Even the kwami, who had to be an aggregation of all the good and nice things in the world, was fed up and ready to retaliate.
“What a joke.” Lila cackled, tossing a chunk of her sausage hair over her shoulder flamboyantly. The two girls were in the bathroom, with Lila smirking in front of the sink and Marinette a little distance away from her. “You can make my world crumble? What is this, a threat?”
“A promise.” Marinette corrected. “Stop telling lies. Come clean to every one. No more lying about knowing celebrities left and right, no more making excuses about not being able to take your own notes, no more making up ‘diseases’ just so your life gets a little more convenient. To be frank, I really don’t care what happens to you— But by making these empty promises to introduce my classmates to great ‘celebrities’, you’re ruining their futures. Stop.”
“And what are you going to do if I don’t?” Lila sneered, face twisted into an ugly grin. “You going to cry in front of the class? Try and convince them that I, the one they adore— That I am lying?”
“No.” Marinette’s eyes were clear when she met Lila’s. The clouds of self-doubt that used to hover over the bright, shining star inside her soul had now dissipated, letting the bluenette emit a confident, glowing appearance as she met the liar head on. “I’m just going to keep my promise.”
──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────
Lila headed off to a modelling shoot after school, pleased at the prospect of spending more time with Adrien. There were a couple tendrils of Marinette’s words hanging behind in her mind— Did the girl mean what she said? Did she actually… Was she actually capable of causing Lila’s downfall? … Surely not. Marinette may have once been the ‘Everyday Ladybug’, but there was no way she was that competent, there was no way the girl was capable of plotting.
The Italian hummed, brushing away thoughts of the annoying bluenette from her mind. She was going on a photoshoot— One that was going cause the rise and burst of her career, the one that was going to make her name a globally-known one. Unfortunately for Lila, her plans were going to be derailed quite soon— In fact, as soon as Gabriel Agreste’s car rolled into the parking lot of the shoot location.
“Explain this, Mlle. Rossi.” Gabriel’s nostrils flared as he pointed to the tabloid article on his tablet. The Italian girl froze, the headlines seared into her eyes, big and black and bold, shooting poison right into the core of her body, paralysing her cell by cell starting from her heart. “What is the meaning of this?”
‘Adrien Agreste Reported To Be Harassed by Fellow Model’— The image under the caption was one that was clearly taken by a hidden photographer. The picture was framed with leafy foliage, which suggested that the camera was tucked up in a tree. Despite the distance, it was quite obvious in the image that Adrien was reeling away, disgusted and uncomfortable as a faceless woman in an orange blazer, back turned to the camera— Invaded his personal space.
The subtitle was the cream on the cupcake.
‘Witnesses State Gabriel Agreste Ignorant of Workplace Harassment’.
──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────
As if things couldn’t quite go down a worser path, Lila returned home to a fuming mother and an unexpected visitor.
“Lila! You come here right this instant!” The diplomat demanded as soon as the front door opened, her daughter shrinking slightly at the tone and pitch that her mother was using. The last time her mother had been this angry— Well, it was when she got expelled from her last school. “I can’t believe what you’ve done! If it weren’t for your kind classmate, lord knows how long you would’ve continued with this!”
The Italian meekly followed her mother into the living room, eyes widening until they were as large as saucers, mouth agape at the last person she expected to see sitting on the couch.
Marinette smiled kindly, waving at the girl, looking every bit the part of the innocent, pure, kind child that every parent wanted to have. Before Lila could release a torrent of questions about what the hell Marinette Dupain-Cheng was doing in her living room, her mother charged on, beginning to take out her anger on her daughter while a literal angel sat on the sofa, cradling a box of pastries from her family’s bakery.
“Your friend here tells me that you’ve been taking absences from school to go on trips to help humanity!” Mme. Rossi exploded, waving her arms around madly. “She says she’s here to share her notes from the classes you’ve missed! You’ve never left Paris this year! What’s this I hear about flying off to the kingdom of— What was it called again, Marinette dear?”
“Achu.” Provided the bluenette helpfully, the diplomat’s expression instantly softening when she talked to the other teen in the living room.
“Ah, yes. Thank you, dear.” The woman turned back to her daughter, instantly snapping on a mask of anger in a matter of a fraction of a second. “What’s this about flying off to this kingdom of Achu to help homeless orphans with some random prince?”
“Um…” Lila piped up, wriggling as her brain churned at 200 lies per hour, trying to whip up a cover of some sort.
“I’m not done! Your friend here is such a helpful child that she even went as far as to ask her family doctor is there’s a cure for your… Lying disease!” Mme. Rossi practically roared, breathing flames as if she were an intimidating dragon, her daughter flinching away from the heat. “I’ve never heard of anything more ridiculous! And then there’s the fact that you lied to your classmates about having tinnitus?!”
“I actually do have tinnitus!” Lila cut in forcibly, widening her eyes to make herself look more pitiful. “I was just afraid to tell you because I didn’t want you to worry!”
“Bullshit!”
“Um… Sorry to interrupt, Mme. Rossi,” Marinette piped up, the diplomat instantly cooling down as she faced the bluenette, a soft smile tracing the Italian woman’s lips. “But it’s getting rather late and my parents would love me home soon. I also have some tests to revise for tonight, so I think I should get going.”
“Oh, of course, dear.” Mme. Rossi hastily got up to help the bluenette to the door, shooting a warning glare at her daughter— ‘Sit still and don’t you dare go anywhere’, the glare read. “Feel free to come over again anytime you want, dear. I’m not home often, but you are such a sweet child. I’m sure Lila could learn a lot from you.”
“Thanks for having me as well, Mme. Rossi. I really like your home. I left the pastries on the counter— Make sure to warm the curry puffs before you eat them.” Marinette returned the smile, bowing slightly to the older woman as a sign of respect.
“Thank you for the pastries as well, Marinette. I ought to visit your parents’ bakery sometime when I’m free.” Mme. Rossi opened the door kindly for the bluenette, waving the girl off with an affectionate smile. Her parents must be so lucky to have such a sweet little thing like her, Mme. Rossi sighed internally, turning the key so she locked the door. And she seems to be a high-scoring student as well.
──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────
Lila seethed, having been grounded by her mother. As far as Mme. Rossi was concerned, there was a boarding school not too far away from their current residence, and by the next week, the Italian girl would be transferred over. Lila had never hated Dupain-Cheng as much as she did in that moment.
Still furious, the Italian snapped her laptop open, too angry to bother with the fact she might’ve scratched the surface. Clicking into the web browser, she started to type in the words ‘Ladyblog’— That was, before a news article caught her eye.
‘Jagged Stone Interview Reveals Underage, Obsessed Fan’.
What on Earth…
As soon as Lila clicked into the link, the news footage from the interview immediately begin to play. The date stamp on it showed that it had aired last night— Which meant that she would’ve missed it, since her mother was too busy yelling at her to turn on the television to watch Nadja Chamack’s daily news.
“As soon as I heard this rumour about some underage teenage girl claiming that she had saved my cat on an airport runway, I called Penny and asked her to book a slot for me to clarify this,” Jagged Stone said grimly, dressed in more formal attire as he sat in the comfortable, cushioned chair of the news station, with Nadja nodding equally seriously beside him. “Let me clarify— I’ve never owned a cat. I’m allergic to fur. The only pet I’ve had was Fang, and he’s an al-li-ga-tor. Not a cat. Whatever the girl is claiming, she’s obsessed and making up stories.”
“It’s also kind of bewildering that she saved it on an airport runway,” Nadja continued, shaking her head in disappointment. “That kind of thing only happens in dramas— It’s too dangerous for anyone besides authorised workers to be on airport runways.”
“Right, right!” Jagged agreed instantly. “The whole rumour is just really baffling.”
“M. Jagged, may I ask what kind of effect these rumours have on a celebrities’ career?” Nadja continued, leading the conversation on like a professional.
“Well, rumours that circulate around tend to have really bad effects, and the worse ones can hang around for a long, long time. Tabloids are often spun off from rumours, baseless and with no evidence. Those tabloids will never truly disappear, so they can leave a mark on a celebrity’s reputation as some people will believe anything— Even things they read from un-cited tabloids.”
“That is simply terrible. Have you ever had any cases of rumours created by underaged teens before this?”
“I’ve had quite a number, but none of them really got as big as this one. From what Penny has found from digging around, the teen girl managed to spread the rumour through her school and onto a once-popular blog.” Jagged explained. “Penny has also found out that the same girl has claimed that I’ve written songs for her to thank her for saving my cat! I would never write songs and dedicate them to an underaged girl— Trust me. If I could do such a thing, I’d already have written a dozen in honour of my niece— She’s my favourite designer.”
Nadja smiled at that sentence. “Then—“
The news footage cut off abruptly as Lila slammed her laptop shut, too upset to continue watching.
──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────
On the other side of Paris, Alya was pacing around her room frantically, wondering why on earth Lila wasn’t picking up on her calls. She’d left at least four dozen messages to the Italian, who was absent from school that day. There had been a couple whispers here and there about why she was missing— Rose had suggested another impromptu trip to Achu.
Lila’s absence wasn’t the weirdest part of the day, however.
That award would go to Marinette, who walked into class with a smile, the slightest sprinkles of delight colouring her bluebell eyes when she spotted Lila’s empty seat.
Growing in frustration, Alya threw herself onto her bed, phone clattering onto the mattress with her. Within the next few minutes, however, her phone suddenly started exploding with notifications. Excited at the prospect of Lila finally texting back, Alya turned on her phone, only to be disappointed by the notifications all clamouring from the class group chat.
Kim had sent a link to the chat— Without hesitation, Alya clicked into it, frowning when she saw Nadja and Jagged appear on the screen. Throughout the interview, the colour on the Ladyblogger’s face only paled by the second until she was as white as a sheet, and if it were halloween at that time, she would’ve won the best costume award for being a ghost.
There must… There must’ve been a mistake.
A notification from Lila’s number made the blogger perk up, instantly clicking into the conversation— But her newfound hope didn’t last very long.
[Lila]
Hi, Alya. This is Lila’s mom. She’s currently grounded right now. Is there anything important you need to tell her?
[Alya]
Oh, nothing much… I just wanted to ask where she was.
[Lila]
She’s at home.
[Alya]
Okay, thanks.
Flopping onto her bed, Alya begin thinking, revising over the past few months like it was an old clip. Lila’s exciting adventures and interactions with celebrities of every kind— Lila going overseas and face timing the entire class— Lila letting her in on the secrets of being Ladybug’s friend…
… Marinette trying to tell them that Lila was lying…
──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────
The class was awfully silent the next day. Adrien was absent as well— A social worker was looking into his home life as a result of the tabloid that arose. Things for the blonde could either get better or worse from then on, as the matters were still foggy and things hadn’t cleared up yet. The blonde maintained contact with his friends, however, calling and texting them whenever he could.
“Class, settle down.” Mlle. Bustier stepped into the class, looking very tense and uncomfortable. “Today, we will have a guest, so please be on your best behaviours, alright?”
Just as the teacher finished speaking, a tall, regal-looking Italian woman entered the classroom, a cowering principal and a meek-looking Lila in tow. The class brightened slightly at the sight of their friend— But by the way she wasn’t looking into their eyes… Things weren’t going to be good.
“Good morning. I am Mme. Rossi, Lila’s mother.” The woman begin speaking, her firm and no-nonsense tone instantly making every student sit straight, their eyes too afraid to look anywhere else but the Italian diplomat. “It has come to my attention that my daughter has been taking absences from school to do charity work— And I have to clarify that this is a lie. Lila has been doing nothing but holing herself up in her room, lying to me and saying that there are no classes due to akumas.” The Italian diplomat glowered at Damocles. “What’s even more baffling is the fact that neither her homeroom nor the principal bothered to check up with me despite a student having extended periods of absence with no note or email written whatsoever.”
The class was so quiet that they could hear the quiver of Mlle. Bustier’s trembling lip.
“In addition, I’ve been kindly told that Lila has claimed to have a lying disease, which is the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard this week.” It was impossible to miss the way the Italian diplomat was glaring daggers at both Mlle. Bustier and Damocles. “No one bothered to look it up online to see if it’s actual disorder, nor did anyone call me to confirm and ask for a doctor’s note, which is standard procedure.” Chills burst over the room, making every one shiver as the woman hissed out her words.
“Mme. Rossi, we didn’t want to disturb your busy schedule—” Damocles begin, only to be blown backwards from the sheer intensity of Mme. Rossi’s glower.
“M. Damocles, standard procedures exist for a reason. Unless you’d like to tell me about any other things you’ve been letting my daughter get away with?”
“N— No, Mme.”
The Italian diplomat continued on her war path. “My daughter also claimed to have tinnitus, am I correct?”
“Y— Yes, Mme.” Mlle. Bustier answered when it seemed like no one was going to.
“And I heard that the class seating arrangement was shifted to accommodate for that?” The homeroom teacher didn’t dare answer this time, for it seemed like whatever she said would be the incorrect answer. “And apparently, my daughter has also been faking broken wrists and requesting for her classmates to complete her work for her.” Mme. Rossi was practically breathing flames at that point, “And I am incredibly upset at the lack of action from the homeroom teacher.”
No one could breath.
“I have many concerns about the running of this schooling facility, and I expect to discuss this with M. Damocles privately after this. However, there is still something to be done.” Mme. Rossi swept her gaze towards her daughter, who found the floor incredibly interesting at that point of time. “Lila? Something you’d like to say to your classmates?”
“… I’m sorry for lying to you.” Lila mumbled resentfully.
“Louder, Lila. No one can hear you.”
“I’m sorry for lying to you!” Lila swallowed, bursting like an explosion that had finally been triggered, tears in her eyes and fists hatefully curled. “I’m sorry for lying about my diseases and injuries. I’m sorry for making you do my work,” She spat. “Sorry for causing any inconveniences.”
Mme. Rossi raised an eyebrow at her daughter. “Is that all?”
Lila glared at her mother, who was completely unfazed. “Oh, so you want an apology from me? Fine!” She turned to the class, a maniacal glint in her eyes as she sneered at the class, a few gasps puffing from around the room as they caught their first glimpse of the liar that resided in the ‘harmless’ shell of Lila Rossi. “I’m sorry that you are all such idiots that you all fell for everything. I’m sorry that Marinette has such terrible, untrusting classmates that turned their backs on her even though she was still a goody-two shoes till the end, even though she still wanted to help you sorry peasants. I’m sorry that you were all so goddamn gullible! There! Good enough for you?”
Shock was etched into the faces of every human in the classroom— Including Mlle. Bustier, M. Damocles, and Mme. Rossi themselves. Clearly, that part of the apology had not been part of the plan.
“Did I miss something?” Said a sweet voice, followed by the presence of a bluenette, her hair tied in a half-up. A royal blue blazer decorated her lithe form, accompanied by a smart-looking white blouse and a black plaited skirt. Formal had never looked so good on anyone— And if someone didn't know better, they'd think that the bluenette was a young lawyer, emerging victorious from her first successful case.
“Marinette!” Alya exclaimed.
“I’m sorry that you’re such an annoying, little, pest.” Lila bit in the girl’s face, disdain colouring her features as she ignored her mother’s enraged gasp behind her.
The bluenette simply smiled, unaffected by the liar who had crashed and burned like the liar once wished upon her. Marinette Dupain-Cheng stood at her full height, the perfect image of grace and poise as she maintained her composure, quite unlike her nemesis, who thrashed under her mother’s restraining hands.
“And I’m sorry that you didn’t take my promise to heart.”
this can count as adrien redemption depending on you cause ehhh i dont like how passive he is but i havent caught up with the recent episodes, he might have become better. idk.
also where the hell is my miraculous taglist i cant find it so eep. no tagging ppl ig oops
#miraculous ladybug#the tales of ladybug and chat noir#marinette dupain-cheng#lila rossi#lila salt#rossi salt#ml class#ml salt#ml class salt#marinette deserves better#badass marinette#lila rossi lies#lila's lies are exposed#adrien agrete#alya cesaire#cady writesss «
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2021 Dream Girl
I found @2pretty's 12 Month Dream Girl Guide and thought it was actually a very good and intentional way of setting goals and achieving them. While I won't be doing 12 months - I'll be doing it for the rest of 2021 instead!
Who is she?
Naturally beautiful goddess with her life put together, who piques curiosity from many. She is kind, feminine and smart. Her home is always clean, cozy and quiet. Her style is understated but you know it's expensive because everything fits her perfectly. Her outward appearance is always perfect and even if it isn't, it's imperfect in just the right way. The epitome of beauty and brains.
Qualities to Create Her
She takes care of her body - hair, skin, nails, fitness
She speaks multiple languages - Korean, Chinese, English
Her apartment is clean, everything has a place and purpose and is beautifully decorated
She is well dressed - shoes clean, clothes fitted, bag organised
She eats well - knows how to cook and prepare healthy and delicious meals
Her life is organised - she knows exactly when her bills are due, how much money she has, how she plans on spending the money.
She can sew and makes some of her own clothes.
She keeps her mind nourished.
June
She takes care of her body - hair, skin, nails, fitness.
She eats well - knows how to cook and prepare healthy and delicious meals
Hair - Hair masks once a fortnight! Luckily Kmart does have some inexpensive hair masks as money will have to be tightly rationed the next few months.
Skin - Daily morning and night regimen is something I want to get into the habit of as I've been slacking in the past year (!). I also need to develop the habit of putting on sunscreen daily.
Nails - Hopefully my nail drill and the nail supplies I order come in the mail soon! The dust fan won't arrive until much later which is a shame but it's not essential. I will apply cuticle oil and hand cream morning and night, extra hand cream after I wash my hands.
Body - I'm going to start walking every day, 3 times a day. I don't like taking long walks and I've come to really enjoy a particular route. It's about 1.7km so if I walk it 3 times a day (morning, after lunch and after work) it should be 5km a day! I also want to develop a morning and night time stretching routine to increase my flexibility. I bought a scale that has an app so it can track my weight so I will be using that daily in the morning too.
I would also like to have a bigger library of healthy meals in my repertoire. I am a fan of BTS and the BTS meal just came out so I will be having a McDonald's every couple of days. The local McDonald's is 1.4km from my apartment. So walking there and back is almost 3km which will add up!
July
She speaks multiple languages
She keeps her mind nourished.
I've been learning Korean on and off for almost 10 years now and the lack of discipline in my language learning is painfully obvious.
I will also try and be more observant of the Korean vlogs and TV shows I watch - they're great because they usually have subtitles in Korean so I can read those too.
I will continue studying Korean grammar through Talk to Me in Korean.
I also want to make use of the local library - I like reading from physical books sometimes but economies need to be taken and I don't want to invite too much clutter into my apartment. The library might not be as big as the big city libraries I'm accustomed to in my home city but there's always material to read regardless. I'll also make use of certain resources too if I have to in order to find some of the books I've been wanting to read and are a bit more obscure and unlikely to be found in my local library.
August
Her apartment is clean, everything has a place and purpose and is beautifully decorated
I have a few prints I'd like to hang from one of my favourite artists. I also want to print a big triptych artwork which is a subtle nod to my favourite music artist. I have plans to buy some nice big plants to brighten up the place too.
I'm also going to set up dedicated sewing and nail spaces because I really enjoy those things and they also require specialty equipment.
Since I just recently moved to my new apartment, I still have cardboard boxes that need to be taken to the recycling centre.
I will also make it a habit to ensure that all the dishes are done before I go to bed, my desks are free of rubbish. I will make my bed in the mornings and make sure my laundry is folded away neatly.
September
She can sew and makes some of her own clothes.
I want to focus on hobbies - namely sewing. I'd like to really challenge myself in sewing so I'd like to make one well fitted dress to wear on a night out. I bought the Rose Café dress pattern from Daria Dressmaking and I hope my body will be in a more satisfactory condition before I attempt to make this dress. I'd like to make this is a boucle fabric (which I'll probably source from AliExpress as it's much more affordable than buying $35/m fabric from the fancy fabric store). I want it to be perfectly fitted to my body so I will be custom fitting it. It won't be a short project so I want to dedicate the whole month to it.
October
She is well dressed - shoes clean, clothes fitted, bag organised
I want to make sure all my clothes, shoes and bags are in good condition - especially winter clothes that I won't be wearing for a while. Lint roller, wool comb, leather conditioner, waterproof spray - it's all coming out.
Things in my bag should be organised into pouches so that they're not flying everywhere either.
November
Her life is organised - she knows exactly when her bills are due, how much money she has, how she plans on spending the money.
I want my Google calendar to be full and colour coded. I want my bills to be on auto transfer and have my cash flow organised. I'd also like to have at least $5000 in emergency savings (since my recent move really drained my savings) and aim for $20000 eventually. I hope by then I'll be more disciplined and in control of my finances.
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Hey I have been thinking of making gifs but i have no idea where to start so I thought y not ask a fellow carat who makes awesome gifss❤️
A little guidance would mean a lot!!
aww, anon!! thank you for coming to me for this. i love talking people’s ears off!! DFJKJDFKDF but that being said, i’ll keep this under a keep reading since i’ll go through things quite thoroughly!
there’s really a million and one ways to make gifs, but i’ll show you how i do it and the basics in general (+ maybe some alternatives). keep in mind that i use windows though, so i’m not sure how helpful this will be if you’re on a mac. anyhoot, i’ll be dividing this tutorial into 6 parts, namely sourcing, choosing a program to resize/import with (vapoursynth and/or KM player basics), photoshop basics (KM Player tutorial extension), sharpening, coloring, and exporting.
the primary issue with sourcing is that the videos we want to gif come from different sources, and not all of them are conveniently downloadable. i’m going to list a few different sites/programs (that are free! <3) which allow me to download them!
4k Video Downloader: this program allows you to download from multiple sites, but i mainly use this for youtube. it’s better than other online alternatives (such as y2mate, which you can use if you can’t download this!) since it allows you to download above 1080p and also allows you to download subtitles if you want to. make sure to download it as .mkv though because options above 1080p will not show up if you’re downloading in .mp4!
Soshistagram: this is my go-to vlive downloader! it also allows you to choose the quality of your download.
Twitter Video Downloader & Instagram Downloader: exactly as their name implies, lol. twitter and instagram don’t really provide HD videos so i don’t mind downloading them through these. (the 2nd link also enables you to download from a number of other sources!)
Inspect Element: when worse comes to worst and if you're incredibly desperate to gif something that cannot be downloaded from any of these, you can (almost) always rip it off from the source code, lol. i won’t get into too much detail about this since so much information about this is readily available on the internet!
as you may have noticed, i’ve been mentioning quality for a lot of these. while being able to download content may be the priority, it is also really important (maybe even equally important) to download high quality resources. it’s not a very good idea to gif from anything below 720p as they usually don’t come out as nice, so to get videos like these, i usually go to either the sources themselves (e.g: their official youtube account, music shows’ respective youtube accounts, studio choom, etc.) and if i won’t be able to find them there, they’re surely on our beloved and reliable rosebay (who provides almost every svt content out there! people usually go here to get performance stages and huya streams, but almost everything is literally here, lol). you can also find performance stages on kpopexciting and kpop24hours (which requires membership, so watch out for when they open registrations up!). that being said though, it’s quite hard to find sources for chinaline, but legohouse is the best for this!
when sourcing from fansites, always check if they allow editing first! if it’s not explicitly said, you can always ask them. (most of them reply :D) if you don’t know how to, here’s a good guide for such! thank you @hanwooz for making this guide. <3
it’s also worth noting that performance stages and a few other high quality content come in .tp/.ts files which you might need a different media player for. for this, i use vlc for everything! this is also available for mac.
sometimes, you might also need to extract files (as sources compress them to take up less space during upload). i use peazip to do this! it’s a great AND FREE alternative to winrar.
you might also encounter download limits on gdrive. you can simply make a copy of the file, put it in a folder, then download the whole folder.
on to the more interesting part, we finally start making our gif! for this, i use photoshop cc (i downloaded it here lol) and vapoursynth OR KM player. these aren’t the only programs you can use, but these are what worked for me and my old 32-bit laptop, lol. you can find 64-bit and mac alternatives on the links as well i believe, and if not, you can just do a bit of digging around those sites!
(additional notes: another alternative for photoshop is GIMP but i don’t really remember how to use it. photopea’s also a web-based alternative, but i can’t say much about it since i haven’t dabbled there yet. there are also add-ons for photoshop such as topaz, but i (again) cannot use those, but i heard that they help a lot with making gifs look clean! avisynth is also an alternative to vapoursynth, but vapoursynth has added features i believe)
gifs are basically just moving pictures, so you can either capture moments you like as a video or as a series of images. photoshop accepts both, but as for me, i cannot import videos directly to photoshop so i do them frame by frame. to capture these images, one method is processing them through KM Player.
km player is basically a media player with a feature that allows you to get snapshots of videos continually (therefore, the series of images).
step 1: simply go to the timestamp of the moment you want to gif (i usually watch the videos first and type out all the timestamps of all the moments i want to gif) and press CTRL + G
this window would then show up. you can choose where you want your snapshots to go by changing the folder that’s highlighted. keep in mind that you need separate folders for each gif! if you don’t change the folder, the new screencaps would overwrite the frames you previously captured. as for the image format, i only use either PNG or JPG/JPEG, as they capture the best quality from this media player. PNGs take a lot longer to capture though. the numbers to extract tells you how many frames it would capture. i set it to ‘continuously’ so gifs don’t come out choppy/look like they’re skipping. it’s almost the same principle with the other panel named frames to extract. as for the rest, just make sure to follow every setting on screenshot! (you can always explore/experiment with the rest of them later on)
step 2: afterwards, click start, and play your video. your laptop might get quite slow when this process starts.
step 3: when you’ve gone through your timestamp, press 'stop’, and go to the folder you previously chose!
your folder should look similar to this:
simply erase all the frames that you don’t want to be included in your gif, and you’re ready to import! we’ll be keeping these aside for now and learn another way to get frames.
another alternative is to use vapoursynth. to me, this is a whole LOT easier and basically does all of the work for you. i really recommend this! ever since i got it to work just a few months ago, i can never really make gifs without it anymore. i use the old version though (rip </3), so i won't have the new preprocessors, denoise filters, and sharpening. i suggest you always take the most updated one because i heard they make a lot of difference output-wise!
bear in mind that vapoursynth uses python, so if you encounter some errors, it might just be that you don’t have it downloaded yet. just follow the instructions here! (for the longest time i couldn’t figure out why my vs wouldn’t work and it was because of this.... lol)
it’s very important to know tumblr size dimensions when it comes to gifs (whether you’re going to use vapoursynth or not), but i’m including it on this part since it’s crucial to how vs (vapoursynth) works. your gifs may look good on photoshop, but if they’re the wrong size they’ll inevitably end up blurry on tumblr unless someone clicks on them. here are the dimensions (image made by @dazzlingkai):
you can use any height for these gifs, but these are the width dimensions you need to follow! **UPDATE: the middle gif for a 3-set is now also 177px!
nibreon has a video on how to gif using vs, but if you like text better, i can also provide it step by step for you.
step 1: to get started, simply drag your file to the vs shortcut (entitled “vapoursynth (drop video file on me)”). and this window should appear. (i’m using hoshi’s spider mv for this tutorial btw!)
simply encode your chosen timestamp (in this case mine is 00:02:02) and press enter. (i don’t really trim my videos as other CCs do and just send them straight to vs, haha.)
step 2: this second line then asks you how long you want the video to be trimmed/previewed for. if your timestamp is 00:02:02-00:02:08, then what you’ll encode on this line is 00:00:06. (basically the duration of the video/part of the video)
step 3: after it processes, this resizer will then show up in your default browser.
this is where the size dimensions become important! choose the size of your liking and resize the video as you want. i find resizing much easier with vs as you have more control over the size with real time feedback.
additional notes:
opacity: just allows you to view the area outside of your size width. doesn’t really matter much, but i love it as it helps me precisely resize gifs especially when i don’t want to include captions/subtitles.
preprocessor: refers to how vs would process (lol??) your gifs frame by frame. this is crucial to how your gifs would look! it is explained very well and thoroughly here, but basically, it tells you the speed and the manner in which the images/initial video of your gif will be exported in. this one doesn’t matter much on regular videos, but for performances (.ts/.tp files, etc.) it does make a lot of difference. i usually use qtgmc 60 slow on performances. for the rest, i use qtgmc 30 fast (or 60 fast when there are very few frames just so they would run smoother). i’m also always on resamplehq (the second part of preprocessing)! a lot of CCs don’t use preprocessing for regular videos though (.mp4, .mkv, etc.). if it’s still unclear for you, i’ll include more tutorials and examples (although very few) at the end, dw! **UPDATE: i’m now on the 64bit ver. as i’m using a new laptop, my preprocessor is now debilinear (instead of resamplehq). i also am now a changed woman and discovered that you really don’t need to use the fps preprocessor for regular videos BECAUSE they’re not rendered “splicely”, it just takes more of your time. they look exactly the same. <3
denoise filters: smoothens out your gifs. very useful especially if the source is grainy! i always use KNLM for this but you can try BM3D as well. bm3d takes much longer to process though!
sharpening: pretty self-explanatory. it just makes your gifs look clearer/sharper! i use finesharp almost always set to 1, but it really depends on your preference. i also do additional sharpening on photoshop most of the time though! **UPDATE: recently changed how i make gifs and i don’t use this sharpening anymore because my preferences have changed, but it’s still a good place to start if you’re just beginning to make gifs!!
step 4: after this, go onto the vs window. the lines of code initially look like this:
but in order to process the video for gif purposes, we need to use vapoursynth’s plugins. you can modify this later on (which is really unnecessary, but it’s possible if you want to experiment more fjdjkdf), so for now, just open up the included script from the vapoursynth folder (gifs).
if you’ve downloaded vapoursynth directly from their site and not from the link i’ve included, this won’t show up in the folder and you’d have to assemble it all yourself. this is what i meant when i mentioned that you can modify vapoursynth’s plugins yourself! i’ve never seen anyone do that, but just so you know lol.
your code should now look similar to this:
note: you can also lessen the ram usage of vs so your laptop won’t lag as much!! just follow what line 9 says <3
step 5: then, copy and paste the text that’s in the upper right corner to vapoursynth. you must paste it after the 13th line! it should look similar to this.
step 6: just press f8 (or go to script, then encode video). this window will show up.
this is what you’ll usually do if you want to save it as a video, but since i can’t import videos, i change the preset to ‘export to png sequence’. some CCs like trimming the video here (as you can see at the bottom, there’s a label for the number of frames), but just like what we did with KM Player i just export it all (by pressing start). make sure your header is also set to Y4M if you’re exporting to PNG!
step 7: you’ll see all of your frames on the vs folder and if you didn’t trim (like me jdsjdskj), you can just erase unwanted scenes (just like what we did for KM Player)! if you’re making more than one gif, transfer these pngs to another folder (or rename them) as in the case of kmplayer. you need separate folders/names for each gif as not changing the folder/name and exporting again would overwrite the frames you previously captured.
and this is where it ends for vapoursynth!
now that we have all the frames ready, we’re going to be using photoshop and get all the fun stuff going!
KM Player is a lot more tedious (can’t believe i used this for more than a year omg), so we’re gonna have to do a few more steps and pick up from where we’ve left.
step 1: import your frames by going to file, scripts, then ‘load files into stack’
step 2: click browse, select the folder you saved your frames in, select all the frames, click enter, and then press ‘OK’.
step 3: your workspace should look something like this. click create frame animation (if that doesn’t initially show up and your window says ‘create timeline animation’, just click the little arrow beside it and switch it to frame).
(additionally, if you don’t see the timeline below, you can enable it by going to window, then check the timeline option)
step 4: make frames from layers.
step 5: reverse frames.
step 6: the trickiest part of giffing from km player!! (thankfully, we’re only making 540px gifs for this tutorial) estimate the area you want to include, then crop your canvas by pressing ‘C’ on your keyboard or selecting the crop tool on the toolbar (it’s the 5th icon here on my screen).
**UPDATE: you can also crop by ratios using the crop tool as seen on the screenshot below!
after cropping, your workspace should look similar to this.
step 7: and now we FINALLY resize like barbarians :D i always like shortcuts (which you can prob tell by now) a.k.a the easier and more convenient route, so just click ‘CTRL + ALT + I’ so the image resizing window can pop up. alternatively, you can go to image, then image size.
now set the width to 542 (which is 2 pixels larger than tumblr’s required width) and press ‘ok’.
step 8: as you can see, there are weird white/kind of faded pixels on the outer edges of the gif, and that’s the exact reason why we needed those 2 extra pixels from the last step. you can remove this the hard way by zooming at 1800% and removing 2 pixels per side or we can always go the easy route and press ‘CTRL + ALT + C’ (or go to image, then canvas size) and then resize the canvas width to 540 (don’t forget to remove 2 pixels from whatever height u have too!) <3
step 9: now we have a clean and sexy gif. you can completely stop here, and start exporting, but coloring and sharpening make all the difference (to me at least)!
as for vapoursynth, you only need to follow steps 1 to 5 (aka importing <3)
these steps aren’t ‘necessary’ but these are the essence and what makes tumblr gifs tumblr gifs (aka prettie <3).
there is so much potential with sharpening alone! usually, if they haven’t used the sharpening settings on vs, CCs may choose to do it through photoshop (although i personally always do additional sharpening on ps even if they’ve already gone through vs) by converting these frames into a smart object. you can do so by:
step 1: press ‘CTRL + ALT + A’ on your keyboard. this will select all of your frames IN THEIR LAYERS (not the ones on the timeline)
as you can see, they’re all highlighted on the bottom right panel.
step 2: place all of them in a folder by clicking this one!
step 3: then, convert your frame animation into a timeline by clicking the tiny icon beside the ‘forever’ loop.
it should look like this afterwards:
step 4: now we finally convert to smart filters by clicking filters, then convert to smart filter
which turns out like this after being converted
step 5: now sharpen to your liking! go to filters, sharpen, then smart sharpen. these are the settings i use, but i usually just play around with them until i like what i see. i won’t go in depth about this because there are a lot of tutorials that talk about this (which i will link some of below!!). the most important part to adjust is the amount and radius though!
again, you can stop here, but i like adding a bit of glow to my gifs, which is done by adding gaussian blur (another filter)! i learnt this method from this tutorial. i don’t think i can add any more to it as it’s perfectly complete as is, so i won’t be elaborating anymore!
additionally, if you don’t want to do all of that manually (although i suggest you learn how to do it manually first), there are available sharpening actions you can see around the internet. just choose one that’s to your liking! here are a few of them. you can also save your own settings as an action if you don’t wanna do them repeatedly.
my personal favorite! this is what makes the giffing process so rewarding for me. for coloring, adjustment layers are your best friends! you can try messing around with all of these.
i usually use selective color (my beloved <3), levels, curves, saturation, exposure, vibrance, color balance, photo filter, channel mixer, and gradient maps (not specifically in that order). i won’t actually do a specific tutorial as coloring extremely varies from each gif (one psd/coloring might work for another but may look absolutely horrifying on one lol, this applies even to frames that are from the same video!!) but i’m just going to give a few tips and refer to a few tutorials that might help you out!
generally, the more colors there are in your gif, the bigger the gif size will be. this is also important when you are exporting! (gifs that have very few frames with a lot of color and gifs that have up to 200 frames but have very few colors in them can actually save as the same size)
if you wanna lessen the file size and noise, gamma, and off-set are your best friends! (make the gifs a bit darker) you can also delete a few colors as shown in this tutorial!
i used to be unaware of this when i was a new gifmaker, but be careful of whitewashing! dreamy (@scoupsy) has an excellent tutorial that combats this. annie (@imjaebumaf) also touches a bit more on this!
resources are always available for you to learn! one good way of learning how to color is by seeing how others also do it, and that is through their psds. i really love izzie’s (@coupsnim) colorings, and she recently put out a set for her blog’s anniversary too, so you can check that out! <3 i’ve also seen a lot of psds here from tumblr resource blogs, and deviantart has really good ones as well.
i don’t really have things i keep in mind other than those. just have fun and i’m sure in time it’ll turn out great! again, practice is everything!
last but not the least, we address the speed of the gif before we export! it’s the decimal places under the frames on the timeline. make sure that you select all frames if you want a consistent speed! you can always play around with it though.
for 30fps gifs, i usually do 0.03 to 0.035. photoshop shows 0.035 as 0.04, but i’m pretty sure it isn’t the exact same speed as 0.04. as for 60fps gifs, my speed ranges from 0.01 to 0.025.
and finally, we go to the settings themselves! i used to take exporting settings very lightly, but lately i have realized that it also impacts the way your gifs look by a lot! to export, press ‘CTRL + SHIFT + ALT + S’ on your keyboard, or simply go to file, export, then save for web.
there are so many ways you can play around with it, but here are my current settings.
the color reduction algorithm (i.e: adaptive, selective, etc.) is one of the most important things as this determines the quality and color table of your exported gif! it really differs for each gif, but lately i lean towards the adaptive setting as i like the way it has been making my gifs look.
also very important to remember that tumblr’s current gif size limit is 10MB so make sure to keep your gifs under that size!!
you can also remove a few frames/skip every nth frame to lessen size if you’re running over the limit. :)
to show you how different each process will make a gif look, i’m including some examples (actually the ones we were working on during the tutorial!) to demonstrate a bit better.
this is specifically for an mv, but this tutorial has been really long now jdkjkfdjkfd so i will link down resources that show examples of it w/ performance stages (you can see a much bigger difference here)! also note that the vs one has slightly lesser frames (they could have the same frame number and size but i didn’t wanna redo it lol 😭). again, the .035 indicated is the speed used.
i know this is a bit much for an intro, but i wanted this to be a one-stop guide so you won't have to scramble for more resources. however, if some parts are hard to understand, here are a few tutorials that might help! (1, 2, 3 by @jinims, 4 by @soonhoonsol, 5, 6 is another general tutorial but i find the sharpening part especially helpful!)
and a few more resources that helped me out when i was beginning
sparkle tutorial
sparkle action
blurring captions
**UPDATE: my own sharpening tutorial <3, update 2
**UPDATE: my own color reduction algorithm tutorial
i hope this was helpful, and i can’t wait to see your gifs! <3
#a bit all over the place but#i learnt all of this on my own and through tutorials as well but i hope this at least makes sense!!#this is literally everything i know ig lol#don't hesitate to ask if some parts are unclear <3#all of this is also intimidating at first but i'm sure you'll get the hang of it!!#it's really just dexterity sdksdjk trial and error!#i hope i didn't forget anything? i might also edit this if i find the need to/i rmb to add smth <3#i didn't know tutorials took this much time omg i respect tutorial blogs even more now#literally took me more than 4 hours omg and i know u can tell the exact moment i started losing it#edit: i put those tags on while i saved the draft but i literally sat here for 5+ hours making this but it's worth it and i really enjoyed!!#i'll proofread this tmr it's 3 am now and my brain is fried from uni too <3#anon#y.ask#flashing tw#ok i just proofread this but it already has 20 notes that's so embarrassing <3#u can literally witness my sleep deprivation#anyway it's fine now i think (or my sleepy brain thinks it is)#i'll prob revisit this again tmr#y.psd#y.tutorial
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PuthKaeng, the green&red couple: Daddy&Papi, mysterious man and lots of dots, everywhere
Hello, beautiful people! It’s moonchild here and I hope none of you are tire of having to read the things I write because here I am, again, to talk about the only thing that gives me strength and energy to leave my bed in the morning, and the only couple that matters: PuthKaeng.
Being honest, I had hopes that those two long ass analysis would be the last thing I would do related to them and would final begin to think about writing a fanfiction about them (yes, your resident analyst is a writer) but then, because they can’t seem to leave me alone and let me breath for five minutes, a special episode came out and my brain went back to work in overdrive and started analyzing everything. I hate my brain sometimes.
Anyways. I would like to say that this won’t (hopefully) be a long analysis just like the others, only a commentary of the episode in general, me connecting the revelations we had about the “mysterious man” and what were presented to us in the main arc of their story and me rambling in between, just because I can. Granted, the main focus of this post is to talk about the main focus of the special, which was to know who the mysterious man was, but that doesn’t stop us from talking about other things in the episode as well.
When it was announced that we would have something about PuthKaeng again, it was in the guise of being an extra scene and I rushed to finish my main analysis because I was afraid that whatever was in said extra scene would throw a lot of monkey wrenches on my theories that I was writing but unfortunately that didn’t happened, because the universe hates me sometimes. However, the universe also loves me because what we all thought would be a simple extra scene became a fucking 10 MINUTE SPECIAL EPISODE! Not only that, it gave me everything I wanted to see with them, and an opportunity to see them again in new things (P’Chewin, I know you have a series of them ready, give it to me).
The special episode was just beautiful and amazing, cute, pillow-biting, intense, sensual and perfect, all in once. Their chemistry was point, their acting skills were on point, the deliverance of feelings and usage of body language was on point, a solid 10/10 in my book. I would give those 10 minutes an award if I could, but because I can’t, I’m gonna talk about it the best I can.
A small disclaimer before I start: because the episode didn’t came with official subtitles (Ais Play/Copy A hates us, for sure), I had to search on YouTube for translations and found two, one of the entire episode and other of the first two and a half minutes. I’ll go back and forth between those two translations, especially when talking about the first minutes, because the translations are a bit different and convey different things, even if the context is the same. Just so you guys don’t find it weird having screenshots with different fonts.
1. I’m addicted, I’m addicted only…
The episode opens with PuthKaeng in the same room, Kaeng busy doing something on his working table (probably something school related) and Puth playing videogames.
The fact that they seem so comfortable being in the same space, each one doing something on their own, shows that they’ve established some sort of routine and just by being in the same geographic space is enough for them. Puth then receives a phone call and Kaeng at first didn’t seem to pay attention but turned around as soon as he heard the person on the other side of the call ask Puth “where he was?”, to what Puth answered that he was in “his boyfriend’s room” while looking at Kaeng. The caller asks Puth to “hang out/meet up”, making Kaeng arch an eyebrow, and Puth, while still looking at Kaeng, says that “he’s not going, because he wants to be with his boyfriend” and after that ends the call.
The fact that he didn’t said Kaeng’s name and simply said “my boyfriend’s room” and “stay with my boyfriend” and the other person didn’t asked who said boyfriend was or made a big thing out of that, considering Puth’s past reputation, means that the person that called him knows exactly who that boyfriend was and that PuthKaeng’s relationship is not a secret to anyone. Also, the way the word “boyfriend” rolled out of Puth’s tongue, so easily, it shows that he’s proud to have someone to call boyfriend and have the opportunity to spend time with his boyfriend. Just…the happiness energy he pours in those 30 seconds-ish of call is overwhelming.
After Puth puts down his phone and looks back at Kaeng, who is looking at Puth with a weird expression on his face, he get up his chair and goes to him, asking “what’s wrong, papi?” (I shit you not, when I heard that on the episode I blushed and almost screamed because it was so cute it gave diabetes) and Kaeng asked “why you (daddy) didn’t go?” (Puth calling Kaeng “papi” was one thing I was not ready to go through but Kaeng calling Puth “daddy” and find out those are the pet names they use with each other was the death of me. God, please receive my soul in heaven), receiving a “how can I go, I wanna stay here with you” as answer from Puth.
Kaeng says to Puth that his explanation is a “lie” and that “Puth wants to go, he can see it/he knows Puth very well” and Puth admits that, with a “sometimes, because he used to hang out a lot” but Kaeng says a soft, and jokingly, “I’m sulking now”, and after Puth asks Kaeng if he “isn’t bored of staying in the room?” because he “used to hang out a lot too”, Kaeng makes the CUTEST FACE EVER (pause to see how Kaeng’s eyes GLOW when he’s looking at Puth. Seriously, how much love can that guy keep in his eyes, for them to shine like that?) and says that “he’s not used like Puth but he’s never bored of Puth” and then they kiss.
This exchange makes me think that they are in the first weeks of dating and still trying to get used to the idea of being a couple (not that the way they were acting with each other before had any difference except the fact that they were not official but whatever), finding a common ground and a safe/comfort zone where they could stand and feel stable. New relationships are always that, new, and it takes time to get fully accustomed with them, let alone feel stable; it helps the fact that they are friends and knew basic things about each other, so now what they need to do is try to know about each other not as friends but as significant others. That’s why they like to spend time with each other and enjoy all the time they have together, to get to know what the other is like, as a boyfriend.
(Before I continue, please appreciate Kaeng being totally baby. Thank you)
After the kiss, Puth ask Kaeng if they “should find something to do?”, Kaeng, having understood something else with his question (I don’t blame him, the way Puth was touching his arm, I would’ve thought the same too) asks “here?” and after Puth said “yes”, Kaeng hits him lightly on the chest and complains that “he’s still sore” (not that I needed it that but PuthKaeng versatile confirmed in only one sentence). Puth then says that Kaeng “is thinking too much” and that he meant “go and find something fun to do”. Kaeng seems uncertain about that but, as we see next, he obliged.
And the date…guys, the date! Do you guys remember that Puth that didn’t wanted to anyone to know that he and Kaeng were sleeping together? That Puth that denied vehemently that he was dating Kaeng (at the time, he was right), made shitty excuses to Mon so he couldn’t pry for more details about what Kaeng had done to him in the night he went to their room? That Puth that didn’t even wanted to be see publically with Kaeng? Well, that Puth is now walking on the streets, holding his boyfriend’s hands and oozing happiness. Seriously, the way he smiles every time he looks at Kaeng, his body language showing that he’s totally relaxed with Kaeng on his side, the way they are having fun together, even with a simple thing as an ice cream cone that they can’t hold, is so fullfiling to watch because it shows that they are happy together. And Kaeng’s eye smile…he looks so cute and happy at the same time, it hurts seeing him so happy. They are soft with each other, feel happy with each other, feel good having each other as someone to spend time with, it just screams domesticity. They are that couple, people.
And look how Puth just throw his head back while laughing. I remember seeing somewhere, years ago, that when someone laughs that way while they are with you, it means they are really having fun. And remembering that made this scene 100x better.
2. My entire heart, all of it that I have inside is for you
Fast forward, we have PuthKaeng in a hotel room and the first thing I noticed is that they were holding hands (remember what I said about them always holding in intimate moments, back when they were only friends and how I always liked to think that it was something theirs, that they only did that with each other and how it sounded too…hum…how do I put this…not something that people that were not dating, especially players, would do? Yeah) and looking at each other (always the eye contact, people. This bitches been acting like a couple since the beginning), acting like the world were theirs and theirs alone.
Kaeng looked at Puth from head to toe while Puth takes off the robe Kaeng was wearing and then Kaeng took off Puth’s robe but did that while he was doing that he started to kneel down and was ready to give Puth a blowjob but Puth stopped him before Kaeng could even do something about it. The way Kaeng didn’t disconnected his hands from Puth’s body shows that he enjoys feeling physically connected with the other man, in every opportunity he could get (I think that his behavior on episode 9 made that pretty clear but is never wrong to bring that fact back); Puth then asked why Kaeng was rushing things and Kaeng said that he was just warming up, before sharing a nose kiss and Kaeng kiss Puth’s nose (bringing back all the kisses from the main arc back and my thoughts about them being confirmed. Coming full circle here, people. Coming full circle!).
Kaeng’s statement about “being happy today” was something that even if he hadn’t told Puth, I’m pretty sure Puth could see that written all over his face, because the man was glowing with happiness like a Christmas tree in the middle of a shopping mall. After the Puth’s teasing about Kaeng being happy because he could “eat”, Kaeng asking if he could “eat tonight”, Puth saying that “tonight, he could only taste a little” and Kaeng pretending to “bite” Puth (they are talking about sex, people, nothing extraordinary here), Puth says that he would be back in a minute and then leaves the small bathroom (?) they were and this is where things start to get interesting.
[A bit of a backstory about this: when the announcement of the “extra scene” came and people were excited to know who the “mysterious man” was, I became confused because I had no idea of what people were talking about. Even after someone commented about the mysterious man being about the man who sent that message to Kaeng on episode 9, I was still confused because for me a friend of his had sent the message but brushed aside, for the perspective of having an extra scene of PuthKaeng was above any confusion.]
Puth grabs his phone, goes to site on the border of the bathtub and is then revealed that he is the mysterious man! Mind you, we all had that revelation in an episode without subtitles, but the fact that he was sending messages to a guy that was in the same room as he was and there was no names displayed on top of the messages to identify the people in the conversation was enough for us to understand what was happening. Remember when I said that they were still getting used to the idea of being a couple and that new relationships take time to become stable? Well, Puth may be super-duper happy and see that Kaeng is happy with him but is normal to have doubts if the person next to you is actually happy or pretending just to make you happy, so Puth had to have that extra confirmation, so he used something that seemingly would make Kaeng be 100% honest (notice that Puth only does that after Kaeng said that he was happy).
It had been a total twist receiving that information but then we had to have a double twist when after Kaeng said “I think we should stop talking” and the “mysterious man” asked “why?”, Kaeng comes out of the bathroom, walks rather sensually towards Puth and after sitting next to him answers the question with a “because I have a boyfriend now” and then shows his tongue to Puth. Puth, understandable surprised with that turn of events, asks Kaeng if he had “always know that it was him?”, receives a nod from Kaeng, so asks “how Kaeng found out? Had he peeked on his phone?” and then Kaeng delivers a triple twist by saying that “there’s only one person he knows who likes to text dot at the end of sentences in Thai”.
At that moment I was like “there’s no way that’s how Kaeng found out about Puth being the mysterious man”, so I went back to episodes 9 and 10, look for any moments where Puth sent any messages to confirm that he had that habit and there they were, clear as water, in EVERY SINGLE MESSAGE. I’m not saying that lightly, since the FIRST message that Puth sent in episode 9, which a reply to Nong Jumbo’s message about missing him, until the LAST message he sent, which was to Kaeng to tell him that he wanted to talk to him later, ALL had dots in the end.
That made my jaw drop because it is such a small detail, something we had in front of us the entire time, but never actually stopped to pay attention and it was that fucking small detail that made Kaeng caught him as soon as he sent a message, pretending to be someone else.
And the fact that Kaeng knew since the beginning that it was Puth brings forward two situations:
It is established that we started their main arc with Kaeng already liking Puth. And I said in the final part of my theory, in the timeline of events, that both of them had cut off contact with any potential sexual partners, so Kaeng only continued talking to the mysterious man because he knew it was Puth. If it weren’t for the inability of Puth for using fakes (seriously, that’s hilarious to be honest, being discovered because you like to use dots in the end of sentences. It’s like people knowing it’s me just because I never use abbreviations when I write messages. True story), Kaeng would’ve blocked him as soon the first message got in his Line account. Knowing that, no wonder he smiled after reading the message;
Puth sent the message, put down his phone and got back to the room whistling “Dear Friend”, a song that talks about someone having feelings for their friend, a situation they didn’t intended to happen. So, now we have a guy that receives a message from the other guy he likes, using a fake account, seeing said guy he likes, whom he just had two rounds, or possible more, of sex, getting back to the room whistling a song about a friend liking another friend. And considering that, in that scene, it was the first time we were introduced to that song in their story, it gives another meaning to everything, doesn’t?
Now, we need to understand why Puth resorted to such “extreme” measures to talk to Kaeng, if they were already talking normally and it’s not like any other person had access to his phone. If I hadn’t un-hold it the theory of Puth also liking Kaeng from the beginning, that specific scene of the revelation of him being the mysterious man would’ve make me do that on the spot. Taking in consideration that at the time of the unfolding of the events from episode 9 Puth thought that Kaeng was still sleeping around (even if he was suspecting of Kaeng having feelings for him), his own feelings had to be well hidden. However, feelings are sneaky little bitches that the longer you try to suppress them, stronger and hard to hide they become and Puth is an affectionate person with those he likes, so he needed to find a way of getting close to Kaeng without actually getting close to him and what better way of doing that than with a fake profile? That way Puth could’ve be a friend to Kaeng, probably even drop some hints about liking him and see how Kaeng would react to them, establish a connection with him and at the same time avoiding the possibility of getting his feelings rejected in real life, after all if Kaeng was still talking to other potential partners it wasn’t a good omen to him; like I said before, feelings made Puth really dirty.
So, the cat is out of the bag. Puth knows that Kaeng knows that he’s the mysterious man sending him messages and don’t know how to feel about that, so he says that “now Kaeng knows it all, how much he loves him” (adding credibility to my idea of Puth having using the fake account to show that he liked Kaeng) and Kaeng tells Puth that he “doesn’t need to be embarrassed, because it’s cute”, that “he likes it” and then to Puth to “try to speak like in the text” aka being romantic. After this, we had the single most emotionally devastating moment of the entire episode and the perfect way of ending a special episode: Puth looked at Kaeng like the man in front of him was the most precious treasure he had encounter in his life and it is possible to see how he also has Kaeng in his eyes, just like Kaeng have him in his eyes. He takes a deep breath, open and closes his mouth once before saying “Kaeng, I love you”, his eyes shining with love just like Kaeng’s eyes were shining with love in the beginning of the episode, and Kaeng reply with a “I love you too” before they kiss and the episode ends.
I highlighted Kaeng’s name in the love declaration because in this episode, this name had a special weight. Throughout the entirety of the episode, PuthKaeng always used “daddy” and “papi” to refer to themselves, a fact that made me feel more single than I already feel in a daily basis, but when the subject was to tell Kaeng how he feel about him, Puth preferred to use his name, in an almost reverent tone, and tell Kaeng that he loved him. And the way Kaeng’s eyes also shined after listening those words and the soft tone he used to answer Puth…honestly, I can’t deal with them anymore, I’m done.
PuthKaeng has a story more complex than we could’ve ever predict. They are men with complex personalities, insecurities even with their appearances of people secure of what they want, don’t know how to express their feelings but when they do, you know is not something superficial, is the reality. It took them a long time to be together, they almost lost the opportunity to experience the love they have for each other, cried, made mistakes and misunderstood a lot of things. But now that they are together, I am sure that they will make everything in their power to make it work, will solve their problems the best way they can, will continue to support each other, be their best partners, their safe zones and each other’s hearts. After all, the love the have is forever; and even beyond that.
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Hey Caro ☺️ I just took your super m quiz - thanks for making such a fun quiz, I feel like it helped me get into super m! I know nothing about them yet but I thought it fit soo well that I got Kai bc I’m a full time dancer - now you have me super curious about him 👀👀
KAI :: INTRODUCTION MASTERPOST (dance focus)
so you wanna know about the god of k-pop choreo? oh yeah, i’ll talk to you about fucking kai! if you dance, this guy is the #1 must-know. once you see him move, there’s no going back. i don’t exaggerate: kai is the gold standard. brace yourselves, i’ll show you why.
kim kai aka kim jongin (27) is a solo artist and super m’s plus exo’s main dancer — est 2019 and 2012 respectively — heading either group with a passionate, hyper-physical style that roots in his early practice of of jazz dance and ballet. the influence definitely shows.
learning choreography, he’s become the gorgeous fusion of emotional grace and explosive power that unites both tension and extreme accuracy. while at the same time: never sacrificing his interpretation. and HOW MUCH HE BLEEDS FOR HIS CRAFT. he enjoys it so much.
and he’s communicating it 100%, jongin’s dance is so interactive and raw, luring. i swear to god, put the seatbelts on for this one. it’s never just him, it’s you as well. you’ve never seen this before. he’s like “yes, i meant you, i’m looking at you”:
he’s even gonna modify the choreography to point right at you to underline that very thought. he’s so good, he can learn it, ace it, epitomize it, and do his own thing anyway. even the person in the last row will get whatever point kai wants to make. this is dance that belongs on the biggest stages.
even when he films without a crowd, it’s like you’re literally standing opposite to him. he focuses on two people: his moves, and the viewer. he has it look like you made him smile and self-aware, or you made him determined. INCREDIBLE. he shows his charisma, BUT he also shows your own (!) impact on him. it’s a duet. he wants you to join him on the dancefloor. this is from exo’s call me baby mv where kai does his famous come-hither:
he flirts and he encourages. he values the audience and wants them to be confident as well. i think it’s the reason why he’s so outstanding and addictive, kai thinks beyond himself. it’s a tango he involves you in with his eyes and how he opens his body, interprets a lyric.
it’s not about imposing himself going one way. instead: he plays the back and forth ALL. THE. TIME. in any context. whether it be frivolous, or fun, or gloomy, or sweet. even with a simple little smiley wink it’s happening. and he acts like you had a reaction to it. there’s literally just a camera.
this guy’s physique, strength, elegance, feeling for the beat, character portrayal (!), and control is unbelievable. he’s destroyed it in every fancam out there. he can’t switch it off even if he tried. your eyes would go toward him in the largest group formation still. put him in the center, that’s his spot, he showcases it.
because he doesn’t just show learned moves, he makes it radiate something dynamic and animalistic (he embodies superm’s ‘tiger inside’ all the way).
jongin’s dance says: i love this, you love this, let’s do this, the feeling is right. he makes bodies and unrestrained touch the opposite of wrong, he pronounces it a source of having fun and being instinctual. and he never breaks the tie with you throughout, and uses his shoulders and lips to put the oomph into it.
he uses innuendo and a ‘we both know’ sentiment perfectly as an invitation rather than just going through his routine. that’s how he can make each move fascinating. you can tell kai knows exactly how to make everyone scream their lungs out. i bet somebody held their breath just reading this post already.
exo’s most famous choreo is ‘monster’ (kai focus linked) with good reason: jongin can turn himself into nothing short of a roaring beast. it’s one sharp, complex move after the other. kai can bend any gravitational law he wants to show any feeling and pose he wants. a glimpse:
now, how to spot him in general if you’re new to him? here are some pointers. kai’s execution is clean, fast, and powerful. those are two decades (!) of experience showing. kai is an all or nothing dancer, he plays no games. he treats every group and solo stage like his best and last. his work ethic is beyond words. yeah, he’s a capricorn. his style is direct as can be, working every axis.
as you can see, jongin is hard to overlook anyway: he’s a 182cm giant made of steel. he strives to acutely visualize impact in his style and it is always successful. in fact, it’s his signature. it’s like he creates invisible objects and pushes through them. boom, he just burst another bubble.
when the song gets to his part, i guarantee you won’t miss him and all the boldness and expression he brings to enrich the performance. hell... he carries it. jongin can handle the center, i’m telling you. (look how fast he rotates here)
talking features — this is what to look for when he dances in a group setting: you can recognize kai’s face by how wide, bluntly structured and sensual it is. jongin is a sight. he has such an aura, serious, sultry, and smiling alike.
with a very recognizable silhouette (like... holy hell!):
he’s very cute as well ♡ the fandom and kai himself have an adorable analogy going on. jongin calls himself a teddy/nini bear and we joined in on it. (i made a thread about it here, it talks more about his offstage life) — hence kai’s fans are called eri-gom, eris as in exo’s fanbase and gom meaning bear.
and i mean. look at him. what an attractive guy. he’s that handsome. strong brows, teddy eyes, square jaw, swept hair, glorious lips, tan skin.
now yes, something important concerning his appearance and a serious topic: i don’t want to list you the endless instances of colorism that kai has to endure but it has to be mentioned. jongin has been called every name in the book and people agonize him over his skin incessantly. it goes on and on and on. every day a new terrible comment about him emerges because some pitiful person thought it was funny and would elevate them.
he’s had to deflect, ignore, reframe, defend, remotivate, assert, harden, prove, denounce, and push himself, protect his confidence, decline skin bleaching constantly, laugh along, dance and practice thrice as hard to get the respect, and still see his dignity torn to pieces all day. i’ll just give it to you straight, that’s all fucked up. kai’s skin is perfect, he’s amazing and wonderful.
in his own words:
— exactly right. say it even louder.
having him at the bottom of every joke is weird and messed up. this man is an utter beauty and nothing has to be fixed. it is up to him to define himself rather than get called ugly for his skin’s appearance by default, and get whitewashed at every opportunity. it’s been going on for 27 years, he scrunitizes himself all the time and doesn’t look at himself fondly because he hears these beatdowns daily.
it’s heartbreaking that this happens literally with no end in sight (’kai is just a stripper!’... ‘he has bad vibes’... ‘darkest guy jongin!’). for his skin, and how he decides to show it, too. jesus christ his skin looks fantastic, end of debate. they just can’t handle him, kai couldn’t be any more immaculate.
♡
jongin has vigorously protected fans from discrimination, bullies, and shaming himself whenever it came up. in a very straightforward and deadpan manner because he knows exactly how it damages you. (”J” in the subtitles = jongin, he’s wearing the plain white top at the very back)
we need to protect and praise him that way right back. it’s important.
so, needless to say. all in for jongin getting the center stage he deserves. because he has the wow factor in every regard. kai usually opens an MV because there’s no better way to get people’s attention with that level of presence. with kai, you can’t go wrong. if you get the center in a an all star group like superm, you are the king.
being part of that presence, kai’s stage alter ego has reached levels of infamity you can’t even imagine. it’s great to see him being sovereign without apology.
and it doesn’t stop there. he shows time and again that acting, props, and commanding the audience has to be mastered to be an exceptional dancer. kai owns his sex appeal. sometimes, he even dances a portion of choreo with his eyes closed because he’s feeling it so much.
he is a pro in using his surroundings as well, superm’s stages are a glorious opportunity for kai to show how he comfortably ‘lives in’ the 3D space around him.
which makes the viewer do the same: watching kai makes you feel amazing, energized, but also serene and enjoying the moment.
there’s always balance. it’s the magic of it. e.g. he comes along with so much impetus and decisiveness but eventually, he halts to offer himself. here i am — take me. i’m yours. closed arms, open arms. walking, kneeling. looking down, looking up.
kai goes every extra mile there ever was and makes each eye contact count. involving the audience, one grin at a time. it works. it’s about establishing contact. he connects to the onlooker with so much nuance.
kai’s smirk is notorious and you can see why it’s so raw and real: he makes it linger. it’s such a duality since his dancing says i’ll come over, while his message is come and get me, i know what’s on your mind.
with a hilarious twist – kai expertly uses humor. you don’t get that in many dancer repertoires. i love it. all those quick expression changes. his smile! 😊 what a man.
so — what makes him so good and known: yes, his style doesn’t deny that dancing and eroticism are one in his business. that takes courage. kai has it. iconic performances have been his reward. point dance/killing part: exo’s love shot choreo.
that suit has swept the nation. what’s more: kai shows you it’s more than just good hip movement that a good dancer needs. he does everything at once, he puts the pleasure on his face, all his limbs are following the template he chooses.
the thing is. kai couldn’t be any shyer, but when the music starts he becomes a oscar-winning madman. he emotes constantly (!) and stays in character. this is gold.
jongin always plays it up. he knows how to use that face and does a lot of power posing. this is how visceral looks like. he’s interpreted exo’s aggressive concepts to a T.
and he has so. much. fun. it propels him. on every beat.
past every hurt, heartbreak and injury, man. if you know about his genre you knew this was coming, kai does all of that with 4 herniated discs. since debut days, never recovered. every gif in this thread, he dances with a battered spine. wheelchairs, stage collapses, relapse-recovery-schedule tales, the dilemma of injuries being inevitable, limping, kai falling into depression during breaks, constant pain killers, countless tears on stage, we’ve seen it all, the extreme end of it.
kai works out like hell to literally keep his body from falling apart. but it doesn’t help the nerves in his back that are impacted. doing choreo you can sometimes literally see the pain kicking in and he pulls himself through with force for the last minute. once you know how strained his back is, you can see it.
at the end his expression goes fuck now it’s coming when the adrenaline fades. he takes every second-pause he gets to rest but still finishes each move. even when he holds back, he keeps it together and executes each turn. sometimes, he has to restrict himself and soften his movements to protect his health (especially in hard choreographies such as lucky one which is universally disliked by exo — still jongin makes the very best of it smiling bright and dancing so hard his sleeves come off).
he frequently states he ‘dances in any case unless his legs are affected by something’. all torso injuries are fair game, this guy is hardcore. and people claim he’s just pretending. chen (a fellow exo member) says not a single part of jongin’s body is intact. he has paid every price to get this far to follow his love. he’ll step on stage with crutches. he works SO HARD.
that being said: exo being called the official nation’s group, i say kai is the nation’s dancer. period. he has had his great moment at the korean olympics flawlessly dancing in a hanbok with traditional instruments and fulfilling his dream.
i love the tension and drama he can bring. he can also thrill with slow, vulnerable movements alike.
kai’s is called a legend, he’s all that and even more. the facial expressions alone are feared by any kai stan because they hit home.
this guy is a sex icon and goes off like a gun, messing around was never kai’s incentive.
while at the same time being incredibly nuanced and so, so descriptive with his movements.
point dance: baby don’t cry. yep, kai has danced in water. must-watch.
this man loves what he is doing. he said he wouldn’t regret to die on stage because dancing is his destiny. boy, it shows. this guy has found his purpose. he can tell any story he wants. he’s a complete artist.
he’s perfectly portraying his incentive and he couldn’t look any more like a god on earth.
long story short, kai is dance and motivation goals. if you dance professionally, you can easily look toward him for the right words.
if you want to further your study and knowledge: he released a self-titled solo album recently. highly recommended. he worked forever on it, and he’s really dishing it on there. you get to hear his soft voice plus sizzling footwork. and he isn’t even getting started yet. you’ll hear from kai, i promise. he constantly achieves new levels of artistic perfection.
a last remark. jongin is amazing for a myriad of reasons that go beyond what i show you here given the post focuses on his work on stage. but the point stands, while other people have tried to break him, he broke through every barricade instead and stood up for himself. we can be extremely happy to have him and witnessing his unreal dance is an exceptional pleasure. here’s to jongin continuing his passion and confidence, healing, and getting the sweeping respect and acknowledgement that is his.
#kai#kim jongin#jongin#super m#exo#exo introduction#superm introduction#introduction posts#kim kai#erigom#ask#bulletproofgucci#cub mail 🐆#dance#dance analysis#flashing tw#injury tw#colorism tw#kai masterpost#long post#kai thread#exo thread#superm thread#jongin thread#jongin dance analysis
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lame
06.
there’s things you tell your best friend, then there’s things assholes don’t deserve to know
It was another night of training with your grandfather, another night of beating if you could give it a subtitle.
As of late, you’d been sparring against Shinso to help him get into shape should he wish to transfer to the Heroics Department. And so far, he’s showing results. Just when is he going to make use of them, you’ll never know.
But, it’s summer break now, so he’s deserved a break from night training. And with that, resumes your training with your grandfather – whom you’ve never beaten once. He just loves to shift his fighting style to his liking and without warning.
And sometimes, or just because he doesn't have tact or does it on purpose, he manages to catch you off guard.
“…what.”
“You’re really making me repeat myself?” having blocked your kick, with your feet in his hands, he pushed back, causing you to slide into the mat. “Masaru called, inviting us for dinner before the boys head off to their summer camp.”
“And you said ‘yes’ without even asking me!?”
And you just saw Uncle Masaru a few days ago!
Yellow eyes stared at you, unimpressed. “Clearly, from your reaction alone, we both knew what you’d say.” He says with a gruff, circling you. “Don’t be rude, girl.”
And then, he charged towards you.
Blocking his attacks proved difficult, especially since he successfully caught you off guard.
Straining to block all his punches, you nearly missed the kick to sweep you off your feet making you jump. Landing awkwardly on your feet, he charges at you again. Picking up on his approach, you deflect at his hands, aiming to grab hold on you. Seeing an opening, you aim for a quick kick to his stomach- to which he easily caught his hands, twisting your foot with a flick of his wrist, you were twirling in the air and landing on your back, hard.
Groaning, you didn’t have to open your eyes to see the smug look on his face, but the tone of his voice was another. “You better be on your best behavior, foolish girl.”
Grumbling, you lied there, yellow eyes opening, set on the ceiling, grimacing into space.
“Tell that to him.”
Dinner later that evening, you dressed simply: wearing a simple shirt, with a print that comically read ‘plaid’ in kanji, tucked in a simple long skirt. The shirt had been a gift from Izuku, one the two of you got together at a bargain sale.
Funnily enough, when he showed up, he wore the same shirt. You two laughed at each other, enough to ignore the ash-blond eyeing the two of you.
Dinner was rather eventful, with the adults doing the talking, often asking questions to either teen. Bakugou, however, was surprisingly quiet. You pretended not to notice, but it was hard when the teen sat across you, carmine eyes meeting yours for a fleeting second before you tore away first. For the rest of the dinner, you were adamant about just enjoying good company and good food.
It almost felt homey, considering the people in the table. Keyword: almost.
“So, how’s school been?” Uncle Masaru asked, a rather innocuous question directed towards the teenagers.
Izuku replies first, helping himself to another serving. “Fine, Uncle! Well, not much has changed since Kacchan has me beat in ranks.”
“Hm? What is your rank?” you asked, curious.
“Third,” Bakugou replies quickly, you blink at him just as he swallowed his meal. Pointing to Izuku with his thumb, he says, “Fourth.”
You feel your lower eye twitch, your question wasn’t really directed towards him but was rather open to either of them to answer, so you left it at that.
“Heh, that’s impressive, Izuku!” Whatever tension brewed, immediately squashed down. This was not the time for that. “Well, you’ve always been smart anyway.”
“How about (Name)?” Auntie Inko chirped, smiling.
“She’s not so bad,” your grandfather replied, sipping his tea. “she’s one of my best warriors in the martial arts club!” he says with so much pride it was practically emanating off him.
You felt your eye twitch, giving your grandfather an exasperated look. His answer was so far off.
“If you would just let me answer!” the adults laughed, Izuku included, holding onto your shirt sleeve to prevent you from attacking your grandfather. “I’m doing fine, actually. Other than my clean reputation," you emphasize for Izuku "‘s not so bad. It’s not UA, but it’s comfortable. Made some friends here and there.“
“What’s your rank?” Bakugou asked, curious.
Fixing him a look, you reminded yourself of where you were, replying politely. “Tenth, out of twenty-eight.”
“Wow, that’s impressive, (Nickname)!” Izuku smiled at you, genuinely. Smiling back at him, you took a bite of your meal, chewing slowly as you lull yourself into the comforting dinner noises.
The tension between the two young adults were not amiss to a certain ash blonde, shooting your grandfather a quick look, then to her husband, a glint of mischief.
“So, (Name)-chan, got yourself a boyfriend yet?” Auntie Mitsuki asks, rather bluntly.
Your eyes shot wide open, doubling over.
Bakugou nearly choked on his meal, Uncle Masaru quick to pat his son’s back gently.
“M-Mitsuki!”
Your grandfather snorted, turning the other way, holding his laughter in.
“What? I’m just asking! Ah, Shihan, you don’t mind, do you?”
Recovering, your grandfather gives a sage shake of his head, unnervingly at ease at the question thrown at you. Izuku eats away, but keeping an interesting ear – traitors, you thought.
“E-Eh, no.”
“What!? That’s too bad.” Auntie Mistuki practically yells, looking offended, too.
“I agree!” Auntie Inko seconds. “(Name)-chan grew up to be such a pretty girl, any boy or girl would be foolish enough to miss out on you!”
“Also, she’s really good in martial arts!” your grandfather adds, pride written all over his face. “Only a fool would miss out on my granddaughter!”
More like fear me, you fool of a man.
“Why is the conversation suddenly all about me,” you mutter uncomfortably, chewing your dinner. Izuku shrugs, working on a small smile.
“So, no boyfriend then, (Name)-chan?” Uncle Masaru, master of keeping the peace, asked.
You could only shrug. “No.”
It was an honest answer, enough to quell anyone’s curiosity, but it seemed like the wrong answer to Auntie Mitsuki and your grandfather, whose shoulders dropped in disappointment. Uncle Masaru frowned at the two, shaking his head. Auntie Inko blinked innocently, unaware of the ploy of the two.
Only Bakugou Katsuki caught on, jaw clenching, one hand balled into fists under the table while you and Izuku began to chat amongst yourselves.
A white envelope was squeezed into your shoe locker one morning, a bag of chocolates – very clearly bought at the convenience store, was taped next to it, much to your confusion.
Dull (e/c) eyes stared at the items, trying to make out the items before you. Beside you, Izuku followed your gaze, a startled look on his freckled face as red soon blossomed his cheeks. “(N-Nickame)!!!!”
From his high-pitched shriek, a few girls turned your way in interest, whispering amongst themselves. Other students, who just walked in, eyed your shoe locker curiously.
You stared at it harder, not moving from your spot, arms crossed over your chest. Behind you, a small crowd had gathered - not really lingering long, but curious on your situation.
“Oh, someone actually has the guts to give one to her?”
“Well, Yoruichi’s actually not that bad looking.”
“For a quirkless.”
“Well, at least she compensates elsewhere.”
Izuku, patiently waiting on you, leaned in to whisper, amidst the chattering behind you, to you. “I-I-It might be confession letter?”
“HAH!?”
A loud explosion sounded, scaring half the middle schoolers entering the building, followed by a voice behind you. “THE FUCK!?”
“A-Ah, Ka-Kacchan! Good morning!”
“Fucking nerd, get outta my way!” yelled the blond, taking your cue to roll your eyes and rip the chocolates from your shoe locker, assessing the brand with interest, unaware of carmine eyes watching you.
“(Nickname)?” Izuku turns to you in question.
Lips pursued, you nonchalantly pocket the chocolates in your bag, taking a bite out of one of them. “Chocolate is chocolate, right?”
His freckled face only burns a darker shade of red as you put your shoes on, laughing at him.
“Izuku, you’re so cute.”
With the letter in hand, you eyed the words carefully, making sure it wasn’t a mistake: ‘To: Yoruichi (Name) of 2A’.
“Throw that piece of trash away,” mutters the blond beside you, but you pretend not to hear him and pocket the letter as well. You didn’t see the look of shock cross his face, as you turned to Izuku, forcing chocolate into his mouth, laughing more as you two head off to your classroom, nor the smoke coming out of his hand.
The rest of the day, Bakugou was in a foul mood, especially when you munched on the chocolates or gave some to Izuku (he tried to reject them because they were for you and not him).
In the end, it was a confession from a lowerclassmen which you turned down politely.
After dinner, you had volunteered to do the dishes, knowing that Izuku would join in and the other guy would go off to do whatever he does. However, since receiving his quirk, your grandfather had been interested in seeing Izuku use them in action. And with his quick muscle build-up, he was even more piqued to discover what interesting skills he's developed. Thus, your best friend was stolen away from you, leaving you to work on the dishes with…him.
Just as your grandfather has stolen Izuku away, Auntie Mitsuki yelled at Bakugou to help you with the dishes instead of shutting in his room doing god knows what.
So, two teens stood there, by the kitchen sink, a respectable distance between them, while Uncle Masaru placed the dishes, smiling apologetically. Somewhere, Auntie Mitsuki was eyeing the kitchen with a satisfied smirk whilst Auntie Inko was left in the dark.
Truthfully, you enjoyed washing the dishes, in a way, it was therapeutic alone or with a friend. Just, not with someone like him.
Then again, you had no choice. You did volunteer.
Resigned, you sighed and began to bunch your hair into a bun, getting to it. “I’ll wash, you rinse.”
Wordlessly, he nodded, and silence filled in once more.
And with that, the two of you were off to work, strictly work.
The only sounds heard were the gushing of water, scrubbing on plates, and utensils. As the night when on your heightened senses ran wild: with your hearing, you could hear the quiet chattering amongst adults in the living room, Auntie Mitsuki and Uncle Masaru inquiring about Uncle Hisashi from Auntie Inko, and outside, just faintly, you could hear Izuku floundering on the spot as your grandfather worked with him. It was enough to bring a smile to your face, only to stop when you remember the person beside you.
It was hard not to feel unbothered when you could feel his eyes on you, smell burnt sugar off him mixing with lemon dishwashing soap and hear the beating of his heart.
Soapy bubbles slowly began to fizzle one by one as you began to take the plates from the water, passing them along to Bakugou to be rinsed.
All in all, you managed to do the dishes without any bloodshed – which just seems to be the case whenever the two of you were together. However, during dinner, it was non-existent. It was probably out of courtesy, respect towards the elders who wanted to catch up. Then there were the young ones, two of three were doing the talking but only to themselves, singling the superior one out. Throughout dinner, he was the odd one out, which was strange since he's always been showered with attention - as though it was supposed to be. But no, nobody really talked to him unless asked or when curious, mostly his answers were minimal.
“I-I told Kacchan as well…”
For some reason, your mind made you think of that. When Izuku told you his secret, you felt honored, trusted, assured.
"But he didn’t seem to take it seriously.”
But the fact he told him, that unnerved you. After all, why? He didn’t deserve a piece of Izuku he willingly tossed aside so many years ago. Izuku still held on to Bakugou for so many years despite the bullying, it irked you. You were enough, so why cling on to him?
“Your summer camp…” you tested, words slurring.
Beside you, the ash blond physically flinched, surprised that you were talking to him.
Hey, it wouldn’t hurt to talk, right? Because, like Izuku, there was some reason you still clung on to him. “How long is it?” Well, a tiny part at least.
A beat of silence. “A week.”
You hummed, watching the soapy water go down the drain. “That’s a long time.”
Call it friendship, or a sense of duty, but there was more to it. Delving deep to wonder what exactly was scared you though, so you left it at that.
When the last of the bubbles disappeared, you lifted your gaze out the kitchen window eyes searching above rooftops for the moon. Tonight’s shape was a waxing crescent, your favorite moon phase because if you tilted your head, it would’ve resembled a Cheshire grin.
Fixated on the moon, you were unaware of the way his eyes lingered on your shirt, identical to the one Izuku was wearing, his insides unsettling. Carmine eyes silently took in your form, mouth formed into a straight line, eyes shifting from (e/c) to yellow, glazed with a thousand thoughts he was barred from asking.
“They’ll probably give you hell over there,” your voice was airy, vague, comforting, testing again.
He felt his hand twitch, especially nothing that a loose strand of hair fell against the nape of your neck, over your burnt mark. He wanted to move the (h/c) strand away, to feel his fingers against your skin, marvel over something that was his doing, in a sick way – relish his mark over you.
Turning to him, you offer a small smile. “Well, have fun over there.”
And with that, you pushed yourself off the sink and walked out the kitchen.
(His hand dropped to his side, weakly, defeatedly.)
BREAKING NEWS: The League of Villains infiltrated UA's Summer Camp, several students injured, one kidnapped!
The door slid open, forcibly, everyone flinched at that, and of the person stomping in. “I-ZU-KU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” the green-haired boy flinched at the volume of your voice, each syllable of his name pronounced angrily, a menacing aura emanating off you. “ARE YOU SERIOUSLY PLANNING TO GIVE ME AND AUNTIE INKO A HEART ATTACK!?”
Green eyes widened, arms weakly making pathetic gestures in the wind. “(N-Nickname)…l-let me explain-“
Approaching his bed, your aura didn't let up. “One of these days Midoriya Izuku,” pointing at him dangerously, finger shaking in front of him. “ONE OF THESE DAYS!”
“Now, now, (Name)-chan, we’re at a hospital…” Auntie Inko calls out as she rushes in, gentle hands trying to calm you down.
“Granddaughter have some manners!” your grandfather chides, a basket full of apples in hand. “This is a hospital, y’know-“Realizing that they weren’t alone, the elder man blinks at the people crowding his room. “Ah, he has guests.”
That made you stop, stopping in your shaking of your best friend, head snapping to several eyes looking your way, they tremble under your gaze.
“W-We’ll just leave then…” Ochako states, bravely, Iida leading the group out, offering you a friendly smile on her way out. For some reason, there was more to that smile, a coded message. But you’ll get to that later.
After giving your best friend a piece of your mind, it was Auntie Inko’s turn. Well, her version was more on crying, wailing, and fussing – very Auntie Inko. Your grandfather merely huffed, arms crossed, unimpressed with Izuku’s recklessness. Nonetheless, he ruffled your best friend’s curly locks, offering his rare smiles.
“I’m glad you’re safe, Izuku-kun.”
“Y-Yes, Shihan!”
Despite seeing your best friend safe and sound, something unsettled in the pit of your stomach, had you unnerved to the bone. You weren't his best friend for nothing if you hadn't noticed it. Seeing as your grandfather and Auntie Inko were here, you knew you couldn’t ask him about it just yet.
Once the two of you were finally left together, you turned to him, eyes asking with the same mien Ochako gave off earlier. Izuku seemed to anticipate this, a look of guilt and unease colored his features.
Taking a deep breath, he began to talk.
Words were coming out, sentences forming, information settling in your brain, processing.
And then, you could only feel one thing: numb.
Numb, just like the time a punch caught you off guard.
Numb, just like when he said those venomous words at Izuku in junior high school.
Numb, just like when you lost your parents.
Just. Numb.
Tears welled in your eyes, dripping down your cheeks before you could stop yourself. They won’t stop pouring, your heart pounding wildly in your chest, your breathing was going abnormal. Shaky knees almost knocked you out, had Izuku not grabbed a hold of your arm. Coming to, you grabbed at his shirt, desperate, worry, anger. “Y-You’re going to get him back, right?” he stopped, glossy eyes meeting your own. “Y-You will…r-right?!” your voice cracked at that, fingers shaking uncontrollably.
One nod, firm, solute, and final. “I will, (Nickname). I’ll bring him back.”
Your fists tightened, head bowing, forehead pressing into his chest, tears coming faster. “Please, Izuku, bring him back. Bring back our, Katsuki!”
Guess what? You thought about it, plaguing your mind for days later.
The result? Well, it feels stupid. YOU feel stupid for a silly little crush over a short-tempered childhood friend, who forever sullied his reputation and severed ties with you.
Simple as that.
Congrats, you won a bucket load of denial slathered with angst.
Why, oh, why couldn’t you have fallen for Izuku, instead? Sweet, kind, and reliable Izuku. Life would have been so much easier and saner.
But as that one stupid song goes: the heart wants what it wants.
Why the fuck did it want him? Bakugou Katsuki?
The cons weighed so much than the pros, you could go on and on. But at the end of the way, the pros could still weigh over those cons, no matter how little you presented.
It’s fine, you thought, this’ll pass.
A stupid little crush like this will pass and you’ll find yourself laughing at it when you’re older, sober, and probably mature.
Your only hope was to distance yourself from him, which worked for a time since he goes to UA and has resided there since his kidnapping/All Might’s retirement.
Yet, you live in the same area.
Your only REAL hope was for him to graduate, get into hero work that’ll make him work hundreds of miles away, OR, you graduating, getting into university and moving away from town. Both possibilities worked. There was more.
However, Izuku thought otherwise.
“You’re being a coward, (Nickname). You’re basically running away.” He’d berate, a disapproving look on his face.
Ducking, you played with the ends of your hair. “Isnt it better this way?” You muttered, looking away, not wanting to be at the receiving end of his look. You hated that look, it reminded you of your mom, dad, Shihan, and Aizawa-san – it made you feel like a child.
“It’s not fair to Kacchan.” you deadpanned with a roll of your eyes.
“Well, he was never fair with us anyway. Call it even.”
Izuku sighed heavily. “(Nickname)...”
Turning to him, you asked, a bit miffed. “Why are you defending him? How can you forgive him so easily?!”
“Well, it’s never good to dwell in the past…” His words, you never trusted them whenever the blond became the topic of your conversations – which is minimal, by the way. There was something he wasn’t telling you completely, something he had to figure out for himself first.
And you were patient, so you left him at that. “We’re becoming civil now. You two, should as well!”
“BIG. PASS.”
He gave a weary sigh, from the weight of your words.
Honestly, you couldn’t sleep the night you received news that their summer camp had been invaded by the League of Villains. You were worried sick for both of them. You wanted them to be safe. And since Bakugou was kidnapped-
“(Nickname), you should be more honest with your feelings. Especially towards Kacchan.”
Of course, he’d see right through you, he was your best friend with a brain so great after all.
“Pass.”
“(N-Nickname)…”
“I want nothing to do with that dead fuck, after everything he’s done to us, to you.”
“I’ve already forgiven him for that.”
“Good for you then.”
“(Nickname),” his tone was berating, again.
Sighing, aggravatingly, you beg with your eyes. “Don’t do this, Izuku. Please.”
“But, you’ve always liked him-“
“THAT WAS BEFOR-!” you stopped mid-yell, balled fists shaking, taking a deep breath, you repeated your words. “That was before.”
Izuku had the gall to look unconvinced, arms crossed, eyes narrowed, head tilted at you – since when did he learn to be this snarky!?
Exhaling through your nose, you stood your ground. “I’m not sorry for yelling. I’m not planning to forgive him now, or any time soon, I can never forgive him for what he did. And I’m sorry I can’t be as forgiving as you.”
Green eyes softened, his pose unchanging, but he fixed his head to look at you better. Worry coloured his features. “But (Nickname), it isn’t good to hold on to your anger forever, you know that, right?” Somewhere deep in your heart, you swore you felt a skip, your knuckles suddenly felt hot. “I’m not saying that you should forgive him now, but at your own pace. You can deny how you feel, but you can never escape it forever, (Nickname).”
Weakly looking up to him, his green eyes were unwavering, swallowing you whole.
“I hate when you’re right.”
“I always am.” The corners of his lips lift, a bit smug.
Your eyes narrow. “I hate you.”
“I love you, too, (Nickname).”
From: (Name) Yuroichi
To: Bakugou Katsuki
I’m glad you’re safe.
masterlist • seven
#lame#bakugou katsuki x reader#bakugou katsuki#bakugou katsuki fanfic#bakuou katsuki angst#bnha#bnha fic#bnha angst#bnha angst fic#mha#mha fic#mha x reader#mha angst#mha angst fic
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The Last Of us~Kurapika x Reader ~Chapter I
AN: Hi my lovely fellows! I’m making a Kurapika x reader! This will be the first chapter. Overall I’m trying my best for you to insert yourself in the story as good as you can. However, some point who are going to be relevant in the plot a little further, like (Y/n)’s age, Profession and first language have been modified.This is my debut as a fanfiction writer here on tumblr!
As now, I wish you a pleasant read, and I hope you’ll enjoy the first chapter of my story. (Second coming soon!)
Paring: Kurapika Kurta x GN! Reader
Word count: 2 783
TW: None!
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5 am
The buzzing sound of the alarm loaded Kurapika's ears. The same noise as every morning. Another day to go on. He woke up with this peculiar feeling, but so familiar to him. That unnamed pain hit him again as his senses started to stir. The bed beneath him felt cold and foreign. The morning was dull to him. Seeking to shake the feeling away, he sat up and stretched. His limbs felt heavy, his eyes burned. Just another morn after a terrible night with limited sleep and disagreeable dreams. That tiredness was omnipresent in his life for the last months. He immediately saw the space that wrapped him. Empty, just the drawer, nightstand, a lamp, and blank white walls. Finally, getting up from the bed and arranging the also white sheets. Going to the drawer and pulling out his work uniform; a white shirt, black trousers, black tie, and a black jacket. Taking his loose pajama pants and shirt off and starting to button the white shirt. Thinking annoyed at how he had to abide another day Neon dramatically said how sad, miserable, and lonely she felt. The fairly frustrating attitude she had been insisting on the last weeks. What did she know about misery and solitude? Once dressed, he left his bedroom to the tiny hall of his apartment. Leading to the small room alongside his. The big black door remained in front of him. He stared at it for a moment. A certain doubt in his mind made its presence. Lastly, he opened the door, glancing at the scarlet eyes floating on the jars displayed in the room, and closed the door. The emptiness seemed greater than the last morning. He wondered one more time while putting his shoes on, what did he yearn? What did he lack to feel once more this abyss? He stepped outside his home and took a deep breath, the swampy air feeling his lungs. And head straight to the Nostrade mansion.
He passed the big entrance gate, the security of the Nostrade's residence, and arrived at the main room.
Unlike what Kurapika might have thought moments ago, there was something new that morning. An unknown person was sitting on one of the multiple couches, apparently waiting. Wich piqued his curiosity. Their guise was quite formal and unique, white cigarette bottoms and a moss-green long-sleeved sweater with a white dress shirt underneath. However, the shirt's collar was embroidered with a peculiar decoration. A botanic motif of tiny red, yellow and blue flowers plus green leaves was along the tip of the collar. Naturally, Kurapika carefully observed the intruder to determine if it was a possible menace. The individual had (long/short/medium/ with bangs) (curly/straight/wavy)(hair color) hair; it was loose and a bit messy. Some strands were framing their face. Their body had a juvenile apparent, around one or two years younger than him however their face looked more childlike. Their gaze was lowered into the book, so Kurapika was unable to see the eyes. He just saw the (long/short) eyelashes moving with the occasional blinks the person gave and some eye bags from fatigue.
They were sitting with their legs crossed, one hand was holding the book, and the other was rubbing the green fabric of the sweater between the index and the thumb. They gave an overall serene aura.
It wasn't long before a butler came near Kurapika.
-"Mr.Kurapika, Sir. Nostrade requested to have the young guest to his office. For security reasons Sir. Nostrade wants one of the bodyguards to watch over the guest. Please take them there." Kurapika agreed with a quick "understood" and made his way towards the outsider.
Kurapika stopped in front of the sitting figure.
"Excuse me, Mx"- The person reading gave a slight quiver in surprise to immediately put the book down and look up at him with a subtle and soft smile. Despite looking up at him, they didn't look directly into his eyes, fixing more in his mouth.- "Mr.Nostrade charged me to take you to his office, please accompany me." he addressed the outsider with a secure tone. "Hello, and thank you" was the quiet response the stranger gave him. Getting up and ranging the book in a black side bag.
"This way." The person quietly followed behind him through the hallway, examining the distinct decorations and pieces of furniture all over the mansion. Once the both of them arrived at the office's door, Kurapika gave a knock, letting their attendance be known, followed by a grave "Come in" from Light Nostrade. Kurapika rapidly opened the door and entered the room. At the center of the room was Light Nostrade, sitting at his big wooden desk. Accompanying the desk, a coffee table and matching sofas were placed over a luxurious carpet. In one of the sofas, Neon was sitting playing with one of her stuffed toys. Mr. Nostrade without a word gave the guest sign with his hand to sit down in one of the chairs in front of his desk, as the foreigner obliged. "Neon, this is (Y/n), they're your new companion and therapist. As you have let me know lately, you've been feeling bored and alone. As your dad, your welfare concerns me. So I searched for one of the best professionals to improve your state." -The man addressed the young girl next to him, to take the phone to his desk right away and address it to someone on the other line-"Let the rest of Neon's bodyguards in" -In an instant, the rest of the bodyguards entered the room- "Mx. (Y/n) present yourself to the rest" Mr.Nostrade finally ordered. (Y/n) got up in a unique move from the chair, and facing the rest of the company in the chamber, with their hands clasped in front of their body, they declared "Hello, I'm (Y/n) it's a pleasure to meet and work along with you."-(Y/n) presented themselves with a small politeness reverence, then they turned to faced Neon-"Neon, I am a Doctor with a specialization in psychiatry medicine. I, moreover, am a certified Hunter and I'm here to take care of your psychological and physical integrity. If required I can protect you in case of aggression. Besides I'm here to treat your loneliness and improve your mental health. I honestly hope my faculties will help develop several health skills!" they finally finished, all the discourse was made with the same quiet and kind voice tone, with the subtitle smile never leaving their face.
After the quick initiation, Neon's face went from attentive to a worried grimace to shout "DAD!!! AM I SICK?!?" (Y/n) tilted their head and stepped to Neon softly reassuring her "No Neon, don't worry, you're not sick. I am here just to prevent you from being sick. I'll take good care of your mental and physical state and keep you amity so you remain as happy and healthy as always! In other words, I'm your private psychotherapist." Following those words of reassurance Neon's face lights up in a smile "YAY, So you're my new companion! Finally, I won't be so bored around here! I'm Neon, but you seem to already know my name. You look strangely young, you know? Plus you have a weird accent when you talk!" Of course, Neon added lacking discretion as always. (Y/n) just tilted their head once more, without changing their friendly air they responded "Of course I have an accent, Neon, all chic and elegant people have one, like David Bowie or Kate Bush. And regarding my age, It's judged preferable to have someone closer to your age to establish a more organic cooperative relationship." -The response to the rude observations of Neon was devoid of any malice, it was rather merry and kind, giving Neon the sensation of friendship and calm -"If you'd prefer to consider me your "companion" is fine. As planned with your father, I will be with you every Tuesday, Thursday from 11:00 am to 8:00 pm and Saturdays from 2:30 pm to 7:30 pm. But today as being our first day, I'll be entire with you!" The grin on Neon's face just became wider "YOU'LL SEE, I AM GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN FROM NOW ON!''-Neon called once more, grabbing (Y/n) from their arm and dragging them somewhere. The (hair colored) didn't protest, just flinched to the sudden touche-"COME TO MY ROOM, WE HAVE SO MUCH TO DO!"
The stranger's identity and intentions finally became clear for Kurapika, letting him discard (Y/n) as a hazard. We followed them into Neon's room to guard the Nostrade's teenager. Hours passed by. Neon talked about all the nonsense she could think of, as (Y/n) seemed to pay special attention to every word the girl spitted out. Sometimes making some comments and writing down in a little (fav color) notebook with a little cat they took off their said bag. Kurapika was just sitting on one of the couches, some sort of relieved to have someone else to take care of Neon's heavy personality and tantrums. "She even seems calmer today, having some entertainment will be profitable to her. " he thought. Even if Neon was, in fact, calmer that day, you could still hear her from across the room. "Your notebook is really cute, you know? Where did you get it? Cats are SOOOOO cute! I want one like that!" "Thank you Neon! I got it at the novelty store in the Mall that's in the center of the town. I go near there quite often, I can get you one if you'll like. Also, I think I'm going to take my break now if you don't mind. I will go make some tea, would you wish some, Neon?" (Y/n) actively added to the chat, even if it's their first day, they seemed to fuse nicely with Neon, rather odd due to Neon's personality. "Nah, I don't like tea" the teen finally responded, getting a soft nod in agreement as an answer. (Y/n) got up from the chair they were sitting on and headed to the employee's kitchen. Not much time later, they came back with a cup of tea and a bottle full of tea. To Kurapika's surprise, (Y/n) handed him the cup of tea with the soft smile of always. They simply added an "I made you some tea, you appeared a touch worn, I hope it's okay".
That was the first of many little acts of kindness (Y/n) had with him. They would make him some tea regularly in the day or ask about his day during the breaks. During the following weeks in which (Y/n) was going to give therapy to Neon, a lot of things could be perceived. The first was the improvement in Neon's attitude. Being gradually more used to friendly human interaction, and having a better understanding of her frustrations. The second was about (Y/n), they were a rather nice person, gaining some sort of (or what was the most resembled) sympathy from Neon, which was a feat considering the lack of empathy of Neon. They were polite to everyone in the Nostrade's mansion, and their job as Neon's special doctor was their 4th job.
Melody, during a casual chat, learned that (Y/n) worked Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturday mornings as a Psychoanalyst between a Psychiatric ward and a Private Doctor's Cabinet, and the mornings of the days she came to assist the Nostrade's daughter as an intermediary liaison psychiatrist (basically someone who gives psychiatric supportive treatment in non-specialized unities) in the YorkNew General Hospital Center. This explains largely the eyebags and exhaustion for which (Y/n) has earned comments from Neon such as "You know you have eyebags?". Also, that (Y/n) has 18 years of age (sorry dear readers if it's not your age, but this will be relevant for the plot, so please let me this one pass), remarkably young to be an accredited doctor. And they were "precocious" on their own words- as Melody said-
And the third and last thing, noticed essentially by Kurapika was about (Y/n) comportment and personality. Even if (Y/n) was kind and polite to everyone, they were incredibly discreet. They acted with prudence in virtually all aspects, from their appearance to their very presence. Like if (Y/n) was hiding and acting from the shadow (Melody also commented about this borderline anxiety). Additionally, all the movements (Y/n) made were prudent and meticulously planned, which made Kurapika realize the intelligence (Y/n) had. He also could tell English was not (Y/n)'s first language. They had a peculiar pronunciation and spoke with a large and fancy vocabulary. Those things greatly aroused Kurapika's curiosity, but the part of (Y/n) that triggered that curiosity the most was related to (Y/n)'s eyes. They were very careful with the subject. So careful indeed that they were even subtle with the care they treated the subject. Were tiny and nearly unimportant actions from (Y/n) that made Kurapika realize the importance of their eyes. (Y/n) never looked anyone in the eyes. Sometimes, during the break, when feeling exhausted or overwhelmed, (Y/n) would close their eyes and cover them with one hand. The biggest event of all was one time he listened to Neon through the door curiously ask "Hey (Y/n), what happens with your eyes?" and, when he opened the door to see if everything was correct, (Y/n)'s eyes were normal. As if nothing had happened. Kurapika had for sure some inquiries regarding (Y/n).
However, all of his suspicions became more prominent with a precise action from (Y/n). One day, Neon decided to show (Y/n) her body part collection.
"(Y/n) You're a doctor, I'm sure you're going to love this! You know about these things, You'll be able to appreciate my glorious collection!" Neon was bragging about how happy she was with her various articles. "I have hearts, livers, fetuses, all the parts of the brain, some left and right lungs, and a pancreas. And my favorite of them all! A pair of beautiful scarlet eyes!" Neon made a special address on how rare the scarlet orbs were and how proud she was of them, she even played with them a little. And for the first time, (Y/n) didn't say a thing. Their perpetual smile even faded a little. During the whole episode, Kurapika remained sitting on a chair. Hearing that kind of discourse about his clan's eyes was hurtful and infuriating. How could she talk in such a manner of his fellow Kurtas? With no compassion, like if they were a mear object. It was sickening. A dull and hurt expression plastered on Kurapika's face. He was so immersed in his thoughts, he didn't notice it already was break time. If it wasn't for (Y/n) who came to sit beside him in an attempt to comfort his sorrow. (Y/n) had their gaze lowered and, for the first time, wasn't smiling. It wasn't a gloomy face, more like a flat expression. They didn't say a word and just stayed near him. Similar as if they seemed to comprehend. It wasn't until Kurapika looked at (Y/n) that they gave him a tiny smile. Nevertheless, this smile wasn't like the usual one. It was more caring, full of empathy and kindness, but also pain. None of them said a single word. And even if he never stated a thing about the subject, Kurapika felt a little comforted.
At the end of that day, where everyone was heading to their own houses after such a hard working-day, (Y/n) came to Kurapika. He deduced they would just wish him a nice night. Except it wasn't the case. "Kurapika, pardon me, may I speak to you for a bit, pretty please?" (Y/n) mumbled to him, with the identical smile as always. A bit confused by their request, Kurapika responded, "Sure (Y/n), how may I help you?" forthwith to its answer (Y/n) made him follow them to a more private place behind the Nostrade's mansion. (Y/n) looked down as they had their hands in front of their chest, similar to the pose of a meerkat, and was fidgeting with their fingers. "Kurapika"- then they looked up to him-"I know I'm putting my life on the line. Yet, what I'm about to do is an act of desperation wholly motivated by my conclusion. Are you somehow related to the scarlet eyes?"
#kurapika x reader#kurapika hxh#hxh#hunter x hunter#kurapika#hxh x reader#hxh scenarios#hxh drabbles#kurapika kurta#kurapika imagine#kurapika kurta x reader
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Something Held | Feeding Habits Update #8
Hi all!
Not me not realizing it’s been 3 months since I posted a Feeding Habits update hahahahahaha. Today let’s chat chapter nine, SOMETHING HELD. This also marks the last chapter in Harrison’s POV so prepare to say goodbye to this icon! TW: body horror, mental illness, trauma
Just a reminder: This is my original work and plagiarism of any form will not be tolerated.
Scene outline, excerpts & a little reflection on making difficult decisions that my not particularly benefit the book but benefit you as the writer under the cut because this update is GIGANTIC.
General taglist (please ask to be added or removed):
@if-one-of-us-falls, @qatarcookie, @chloeswords, @alicewestwater, @laughtracksonata, @shylawrites, @ev–writes, @jaydewritesfiction, @jennawritesstories @eowynandfaramir, @august-iswriting, @aetherwrites
Scene Breakdown
Scene A:
It has been two weeks since Lonan found Harrison at his shared apartment with Suzanna and things are getting strange. Lonan and Suz are getting closer, Harrison is getting more distant and slowly losing it. One morning, Harrison wakes hearing Lonan and Suz’s laughter, and crawls to the kitchen to investigate. When he reaches them, Suz is evening out Lonan’s hacked haircut and they’re both sobbing.
Scene B:
Shortly after this bizarre encounter, Suzanna steps out of the apartment for a breather because her son is sort of terrifying her! So Lonan and Harrison double-team to clean up Lonan’s hair shavings. Harrison begins eating the hair while Lonan stares and they have a conversation about the state of their friendship.
Scene Ba:
This scene is gross and confusing! More hair is ingested. My god.
Scene Bb:
After the above ordeal, both boys rinse off because they’ve been rolling?? around?? in??? hair?? but also?? things don’t stop being a little gross
Scene C:
An air of calm finally settles over the apartment. Lonan brews earl grey tea for him and Harrison to share and Harrison asks if he abandoned Lonan in the final chapter of Moth Work. Lonan doesn’t really answer this question so Harrison continues on his confused, but finally lucid (one-sided) conversation, admitting he understands he burdens his mother, who still has not returned. They circle back to the question of abandonment and Lonan answers Harrison the way he wants to be answered (yes), and this is a moment of freeing, where he feels some sort of responsibility in this irresponsible new life he’s led in NYC. They sort of agree to be friends again.
Scene D:
The boys head into the city to find Suzanna, heading to a bakery near the Hudson River. Lonan drives in his used car, a strange experience since Harrison has not seen him drive in years. Taking the opportunity, he searches through the car and finds a map in the glove compartment. The map is erratically scribbled over and it takes him to moment to realize this is Lonan’s map and the first indication that Lonan, who he has assumed is this stable, perfect person, is not as unscathed as he seems.
The boys pass the waterfront and Lonan nearly crashes the car into an oncoming truck. Harrison regains control of the vehicle tucking them into a side street. Shaken, Lonan apologizes for the mess he’s created both physically from his nosebleed and between Harrison and his mother, which gets Harrison a little antsy because he doesn’t like the suggestion that he’s going to leave. Lonan clarifies, stating he won’t if that’s what Harrison wants.
Scene E:
Later, everyone is back at home and Harrison wakes up to a Lonan-less bed. He gets up to investigate the strange dripping coming from the bathroom and opens the door to find Lonan precariously teetering over a sink filled with water. Harrison, concerned, moves him away and tries to ask why Lonan is presumably going underwater, but doesn’t push. They both stand on opposite sides of the bathroom until the sun rises.
My process:
Honestly, writing this chapter was a huge up and down. The first half of it came much easier to me, but the rest was a literal hellfire to get through. I think I was incredibly fatigued with writing in Harrison’s POV as I’d been writing it since June (I finished this chapter in either December or January). This book has been a pain in the ass to write despite me liking what it is, and I really think it being the only place I’ve physically “gone” since the pandemic makes it even harder to write. I felt claustrophobic in Harrison’s POV since I’ve been writing it for half a year, and in a lil ~breakdown~ my beautiful sister reminded me of something she’d previously told me, “it's not about what works, it's about what you want”.
Let’s chat about this for a sec! I think I was watching a Harmony Nice video on her “hard-to-swallow” self-care, and she basically outline (I’m paraphrasing here) that it’s critical we care for ourselves in ways that might not necessarily be easy to do. Honestly, leaving Harrison’s POV is one of those hard-to-swallow self-care things I literally had to do because my mental health was not happy with me! Y’all know my boys are very close to me, and I’m not picking favourites but Lonan is 2500 times easier for me to write with at the moment. I think Harrison’s situation and how he deals with it is much too similar to mine but in a way that is difficult to place (Lonan and I are unfortunately similar but in a way that is easier for me to understand about myself!). From the beginning of writing his POV I’ve been in Struggleville, but kept pushing through hoping the next chapter would be “the one”. Not to burst my own bubble but there is no such thing in the state of mind I was in! I was pushing myself to find something that doesn’t exist because my brain was really not equipped to do what I needed it to do. I really, really did not want to quit on Harrison’s POV, but I had to, not because I don’t like him (he’s my baby) but because I needed a moment to myself. I felt way too seen in ways I don’t really know how to address in myself, so writing him was horribly frustrating at all times (my fault, not his).
My characters really do live in my head rent-free lol. They live in there! They take up space! They take up energy! They take up concentration, and resources I need for myself! Empathy is so integral to my process, that I give a little part of myself in everything I write. This is a blessing because I really get to dig my heels into the mind of another person, but a curse because I’m not a machine (and sometimes I forget that). It is a lot of emotional energy and labour to give everything you have to fictional people. I don’t think an artist needs to be tortured to create good art (this is not it!) but I never truly practiced this well? In my attempt to be empathetic, I was torturing myself a little bit, not going to lie!
So to combat this, I decided I needed a change. Hence, this chapter is imperfect and probably needs some stuff added to it, and while I’ve only written little of Lonan’s second POV, I’m feeling a lot better! It’s nice to get “outside” in a different place lmao this is so sad (pandemic writing things).
Excerpts:
I wrote the beginning of this in a livestream I hosted on my YouTube channel! There’s also a shoutout here to my dragon tree Lisa <3 miss u boo
Two weeks go by. Lonan sleeps on the couch. Harrison wakes up at dawn—no earlier, no later. Suzanna buys a plant: a Madagascar dragon tree she names Lisa. June grows into the collar. Lonan plays sudoku in the newspaper. Harrison learns to bake focaccia, gluten-free, whole wheat. Suzanna learns to palm read, tells Lonan he’s experienced great betrayal (they stop the reading immediately; Lonan goes back to the newspapers). Harrison begins burning incense at sunrise—frankincense. The dragon tree nearly dies (Lonan saves it). It rains every weekday that contains the letter T. Lonan shifts stacks of soggy newspapers onto the breakfast table, answers crosswords with the help of Suzanna (four across, nine letters, Something held). Harrison burns a baguette. Suzanna buys a hanging basket of pothos. The power goes out for two days and the icebox floods the kitchen tile (Lonan mops it with old newspapers, the ink running like jellyfish). June barks for the first time. Harrison eats a bundle of dried bay leaves. Suzanna waters the plants with rainwater, icewater, wrung into a coffee tin. Harrison leaves the stove on while sautéing shallots (he eats them whole). Lonan wakes up feverish and fills out four newspaper crosswords, then falls asleep on the coffee table. Suzanna moulds panna cotta in coffee mugs and shares the batch with Lonan when they won’t tip out. Lonan teaches her how to propagate the pothos and soon they have twenty empty cans of cuttings poking from the windowsills. They rearrange the furniture, the couch facing the kitchen instead of the TV, the dining table right outside the bathroom, then put it all back the next day. They birdwatch from the tiny window with binoculars and a magnifying glass. They sort coupons. Whittle soaps. Watch Norwegian films without the subtitles. Discuss cliff diving. Make matching anklets (blue beads, elastic string, the plastic clacking how Harrison knows they’re coming). All of this they do as Harrison lies on his bed for two weeks, counting the corners of his ceiling and trying to determine a way to multiply them telepathically.
This is the very next paragraph!
At first he assumes they’re laughing. The sun nearly rising between other high rises, blotting his room with dawn. This is not a surprise. They are probably making pancakes out of buckwheat and discussing the hilarity of whole grains. They are probably laughing at store-bought cherry preserves. Too sour. Their cheeks puckered. But then the laughs get louder, and the sun rises higher and it’s not laughing at all, but gasping.
Here’s Harrison crawling!! is this straight out of the exorcist probably!
Harrison’s instinct is to crawl. As if his smallness against the ground will stop anyone from hearing him, even before he unlocks his door. On hands and knees he shuffles from his bed to his doorframe, edges the door open with his shoulder. On hands and knees he hikes through the hallway, the gasping getting louder, shuffling until he sees them. Lonan sitting on one of the kitchen stools, a grocery bag wound around his throat. Suzanna clacking scissors in two hands so their blades ping in the sun. Her fingers loped around his hair, knuckle-deep, the blades snipping, the gasps growing, them both sobbing, the hair falling, the sun stalking, their bodies rocking. Harrison takes it in from his crawl. Experiences it all on his knees.
So this excerpt seems really you know, normal:
They clean up the hair. Harrison with the dustpan, Lonan with the broom. Harrison still kneels. Lonan still cries. The only thing that has changed since crawling into the kitchen is that Suzanna is taking a walk around the apartment complex. She needs air. Room. If she cries long enough, a cigarette. So Lonan sweeps. Harrison collects. This repeats.
The kitchen smells of nutmeg. Freshly grated from a whole club over espresso, Harrison imagines. He smells this as he tracks Lonan with the dustpan, hovering its open belly for clippings of hair. And Lonan is so compliant, brushes cuttings of himself onto the plastic surface so Harrison can trash it. As Harrison looks on from his knees, Lonan diffuses in sunlight, the window illuminating only his edges. A body so familiar Harrison knows exactly where it flares with light or absorbs it. A body with skin like mulberry silk. A body he could recreate in charcoal with his eyes closed. His archangel translucent and luminescing.
Skip this excerpt if you don’t want to read about Harrison eating hair!! i’m sorry!
Harrison picks a bundle of fallen hair from the dustpan. It’s airy from being recently shampooed, smells faintly of pear, maybe even ginger. This hair, touched by a woman, or a few women, and cut by one, or a few, in different contexts. Eliza’s hands deveining the roots, and then Suzanna’s, trying to fix them. So Harrison eats it. That bundle like a toothpicked cube of cheese. He puts it in his mouth and swallows.
Lonan watches like he’s unconcerned. He watches this feral animal—Harrison must be something feral, starved of something and ravaged by that hunger. Chewing mouthfuls of hair like that will quell of him of what is missing, if there even is anything missing, something unidentifiable in this bland circuit of New York City, this time-loop of sonhood, this fresh start a dousing of flatness. As Harrison eats, he understands he consumes that something like it’s holy communion, reuniting with that something by absorbing it. And still, that hunger moves him, from finishing the dustpan of hair, and closer to Lonan.
“Do you think I’m a bad friend?” Harrison asks, wringing the corner of his lips clean from loose hairs. From this perspective, Harrison on his knees collecting hair, Lonan’s eyes look bluer. Maybe their saturation has nothing to do with the angle, but Harrison feels this is true; his eyes are so crystalline, they are temptingly edible. Like two plump blueberries. Or a matching set of clear glass marbles. Harrison swallows. He repeats, “Do you think I’m a bad friend?”
Lonan swallows, adjusts his grip on the broom. “We’d have to be friends for me to answer that.”
“Aren’t we?”
And here’s the rest of this scene!
“You’re my mother’s friend,” Harrison says. “She trusts you.” He crawls closer to Lonan. “You’ve got secrets. Rituals. Tell me her favourite finger-food and who she wants to marry.”
“I don’t know your mother that well.”
Harrison wraps a handle around Lonan’s ankle. A muscle there jumps like a dolphin breaching the water. He’s memorized this plane of skin, could rebuild it from single grains of sand while blindfolded. He furls his hands across its surface, unfurls.
“You garden with her,” Harrison says. “You share a plate for dessert.”
“She’s kind to me.”
“You cook her breakfast.” Harrison tugs on Lonan’s ankle, knowing it won’t raze him, knowing he’ll come down anyway. “You know the exact temperature she drinks her coffee down to the last digit.”
“I’m trying to be hospitable.”
“You’re trying to be a son.”
Lonan kneels. Crouching so they’re huddled over each other, so it’s nearly impossible to distinguish one body from the other, which one sinks, which one rises.
“My mother’s only got one son to live with,” Harrison says, his voice thin from a clogged throat. He reaches for Lonan’s scalp, scrapes a line down the centre, now an even plane of cropped hair. “And it isn’t me.”
“You’re unstable,” Lonan says, burrowing his face either into a cabinet or Harrison’s shoulder—neither can tell. “You won’t let yourself have friends.”
Farther, toward the tile they go, a pile of hair scattering. “My mother wants me to forgive you by replacing me with you.”
“She’s grieving,” Lonan says.
Harrison loses his hands. He doesn’t know where they disappear to, if he touches skin or tile. “I haven’t died,” he says. Skin or tile. Skin or tile.
Here’s an excerpt from scene C ft. this memoir bit from the time I was shocked that this university I visited had real FANCY teabags:
Lonan brews tea. Earl grey, from a tin. Harrison doesn’t know why he expects it to come from a bag. An individual paper sachet, or if he’s lucky, one of those fancy ones woven from nylon. But it’s from a tin. Two teaspoons into the bottom of a single mug they pass back and forth, wordless at the kitchen table. Strung in the bathroom, Harrison’s t-shirt hang-dries, nearly figure-like, an unfilled phantom. He tugs a throw around his shoulders and stares at his hands. Each crest of cuticle. Each bulb of knuckle. Each maze of fingerprints.
He is material. This is fact. Not just outlines. He’s got skin that goes pinkish when pinched, a pulse that juts from his wrist, two eyes that burn at the scent of lavender, ten fingers. But as he holds his hands up, studying them in the faint moonlight, it is difficult to believe his tangibility. In the city, he has lived as a haze. Fogging over grocery stores, eateries, nondescript. Fresh start has always implied an air of zest, a zing that should have fueled him to plant roots in this restart. But Harrison is rotten, aphid infected, overwatered, underwatered, then not watered at all. He flexes his fingers. He pops the joints. He tries to press his pinkie to the back of his hand. But none of this brings him back to himself. His hands continue feeling like someone else’s. His body invisibly marred in some way he can’t reverse, disconnected in retaliation.
Harrison reflecting on his relationship with his mother:
Suzanna has never left him alone this long, and to her detriment. He imagines her now, living the life she always should’ve lived, the life she lived before he crosscut his way to her most important thing. She’s probably at a salon, having her hair twirled with a round brush, making dinner reservations at some place always too expensive for two (extra points if it has a French name, more if she has to wait a half hour before getting a table). When she talks to her stylist, she doesn’t mention a son, but plans to travel up the west coast, all the way into Canada if she’s feeling adventurous. She’ll buy crime novels she’ll never read at duty-free, reapply a lipstick that cost her a paycheck in the reflection of a hand-dryer. After the salon, she’ll meet a woman at a wine bar, converse about children, and still not mention a son. Suzanna’s singleness will be a celebration.
The boys finally trucing it out <3
When Harrison finally opens his eyes, Lonan is staring at him. His eyes two reels of the Pacific. They cycle in blue. So much of him has changed, and yet he is still the same. Beyond the haircut, Lonan isn’t that much different. He can’t be much different. But as Harrison searches, splaying his palm on the wet table, he knows this is untrue. Lonan is hollower than he was last summer. A little more haunted. They have this in common, then.
“Can we be friends?” Harrison asks. With his pinkie, he finds himself writing against the damp table just as he did Lonan’s scalp not too long ago. Lonan’s gaze follows each loop of each letter, Harrison’s steady left hand.
Lonan is consumed studying what Harrison has written, where each letter connects in near-cursive scrawl. After a moment, he nods, once, twice, and then reverts to staring at the table’s new inscription. On its surface are two words: something held.
The boys in the car like old times <3
Lonan drives. This is strange because Harrison has not seen Lonan drive a car in over a year. Usually, Harrison takes the wheel, but tonight he guides them through the city, in search of Suzanna. His car is clean. This isn’t unexpected. A cherry-coloured hatchback that rattles whenever he makes a left turn. It smells vaguely of cotton air-freshener and the undercurrent of cigarettes.
“You still smoke?” Harrison pokes at the plastic nob for the radio, and it crackles to life. Synth and electric guitar pulse in 4/4 time.
“I bought it used.”
They’ve agreed to get to know one another while they search for Suzanna. Another restart, some attempt at an honest hour. As Lonan changes lanes, Harrison pokes open the car’s glove compartment. A tin of nicotine gum falls on the mat. A hot pink feather pokes from underneath the driver’s manual. Harrison hauls out both, runs the feather along the gum tin, then the back of his hand, and then Lonan’s cheek. When that rouses nothing, he unlocks the tin and removes a slit of gum. Right as he’s about to pop it in his mouth, Lonan says, “I wouldn’t eat that.”
“Why?” Harrison asks. “Did you lace it?”
“Like I said, I bought the car used.”
Harrison puts the gum back, and then the feather. He sticks his hand farther into the glove compartment, feels around until he drags out a map of the state, bilgy and half torn. He unfolds it, careful to avoid the rips, and flattens it against the dashboard. Almost immediately, it wilts against the cold, faded from time in the sun. It’s been marked up. Half with pencil, half with a red ballpoint pen. After a few minutes, Harrison understands the previous owner’s route. Or at least he does at first. Following the red pen arrows, they started at Long Island, then reached Manhattan. Then a much longer arrow takes him from Manhattan to Geneva, and then Buffalo. And then the red pen circles, once, twice, three times, four times, and what is in the centre doesn’t even have a city name. What it does say is HELP, in all-caps, each letter then melting into an illegible scrawl. Harrison sees bits of words: Luke, woe, hands, clay, guard, stray, each wobbly and disappearing into the other, becoming cities of their own, destroying others. He tries to understand the route, but the farther he pours over the map, recircling each line with his finger, the more lost he gets in the ink.
“Is this your map?” Harrison asks. There is no proof that it is. Even the handwriting is all wrong. Ragged. Confused. Desperate. Not like Lonan’s careful, hesitant print.
“Like I said, I bought the car used.”
“But is it your map?” Harrison asks again. Gently, he creases the paper and then slots it back into the glove compartment. Outside, they pass three convenience stores in a row, a flock of couples emerging from a bowling alley, tipsy and cradling leftover deep dish pizzas and mozzarella sticks. They pass two more convenience stores before Lonan finally answers.
“I was confused,” he says.
“This is more than confused,” Harrison says. “It’s disturbed.”
“I’m not disturbed.”
“But something is wrong with you.”
Lonan slows at a crosswalk. A group of teenaged girls whisk by in glitter and lip gloss.
“Yes,” he says.
This is Harrison trying to stop Lonan’s nosebleed after their bizarre swerve which I think is kind of <3 tendy <3
Harrison reaches for him. One hand on the back of his neck, and the other reared toward the red stream. His touch is tactful, so faint his fingerprints wouldn’t even be left behind, but still, the dabbing with his jacket’s hem is enough to redirect the blood’s flow from Lonan’s upper lip to the cuff of leather. The radio is still on, garbled like an unmassing of crepe paper lanterns.
This is the final excerpt for this update that takes us to the very end of the chapter! Harrison has just found Lonan supposedly head-first in the sink and though he asks at first why he is doing that, takes an alternate approach as the chapter closes:
Harrison gets up, his knees popping like gnawed bubble gum. He decides he will handle Lonan at a distance, if he chooses to handle him at all. Like a timid pet owner trying to tame their suddenly-rabid yorkie. Like a friend not trying to tip the full glass. To let its contents film at its surface, but never spill.
Somewhere in the apartment, Suzanna probably listens to them. If Harrison didn’t know her better, he’d imagine her pressed neatly against the door, waiting to hear the shuffle of their bodies or the tang of an argument. Instead, he imagines her at the kitchen table, gripping a glass of water for so long, half of it evaporates.
“You don’t have to tell me anything,” Harrison says, stepping back until his spine hits the counter’s lip. He curls his fingers under the granite. Looks toward the window, now a faint periwinkle. Lonan heaves. His fingers caging his face, an animal restrained. They stand there until the sun rises.
So that’s it for this gigantic update! I have like four short stories to update you on so I hope to be back soon!
—Rachel
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Sparks of Life Opera Edition
I am still not over Singing a New Tune so I am going to recap for you the experience of writing that fic because there were many interesting moments over the course of those three days. Lemme start from the beginning.
- So I’m writing a fic that mostly focuses on sexual stuff but it is also mainly happening in an opera so my first order of business is to figure out what that opera is. Both the building itself and the show they’ll be watching. Because that is of utmost importance.
- I have already mentioned that SoL is located in New York so I looked up New York operas. I do not vibe with research most of the time but I vibe even less with having to come up with names for any kind of thing so research was definitely the choice here.
- I somehow get results about operas that are in the other end of the USA. That was not great. I get to the Metropolitan Opera House at last (which I might have known existed if I cared about opera in any way, shape or form) which is great! I am so close to starting the fic! Just need to figure out what opera they’re watching. Because I need that for reasons.
- I end up downloading a PDF with the seatings inside the Met Opera so that I can figure out where the hell they will be seating. But I leave that for later. I look through the actual plays that they’re having while absolutely failing with the navigation of their site. I find a show that catches my eye. It’s called The Magic Flute. I have zero idea what it’s about so I read the Wikipedia summary just to be aware. It mentions that a character has a moment when he’s singing about his search for a wife and I think “Perfect! Foreshadowing!” (since this is set pretty early on in Griffin and Valtor’s relationship).
- I decide to look up the opera and see if I can find a part of it on youtube to figure out how it will sound. I am pretty sold on it already because of the summary I read and also because it implies there is magic as a subject in it which would call back to canon. Still, I look it up. I find a full version of it on the internet with English subtitles... It is 2 hours and 35 minutes:
youtube
- “Wow, okay... that’s a bit much. But hey, it has got subtitles in English. Maybe I’d actually watch that... once I’m done with the fic. I’m just gonna listen to a little bit while I finish my research, though, so I can have an idea of what it sounds like.”
- Now it’s time to open the engagement fic - Enough to Be Yours - because I don’t remember what year they got engaged in and I need that to reverse engineer the year in which this fic is taking place so that I can make sure that The Magic Flute was being performed back then. I don’t have an year stated in the engagement fic, though. I have a date - 9th October which is Friday and that means the year is 2015. Great! So I need to figure out if they were performing The Magic Flute back in 2010. Great.
- That takes a shit ton of time and nerves as it turns out. I spent over 4 hours just researching the logistics for this fic and a lot of that was unnecessary but I’m getting ahead of myself.
- I cannot find out whether they were performing the Magic Flute in 2010. I get results of it being broadcast in English (for the first time, I believe) in 2012 but that is way too late for this fic to be happening. Also, they are speaking of a broadcast which just doesn’t work for me. So I am having a hard time over here.
- I find a list of the new titles in 2011 but nothing mentions The Magic Flute as far as I can see.
- I am now considering switching to another opera. I see an opera that is based on events from The Song of the Nibelungs (I cannot be assed to go back and check what the actual title was). That catches my eye because I have read a book that was titled The Ring of the Nibelungs, I believe, and I kinda remember stuff from it... which is what makes me hesitate because that was a big tragedy.
- Meanwhile, I have stumbled upon a trailer for The Magic Flute:
youtube
MY GOD IS THAT BEAUTIFUL! THOSE PROPS ARE FUCKING GORGEOUS! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU GET TO GO AND SEE THAT LIVE? THAT IS NUTS! (Also, when I mentioned paper birds (I think they are) in the fic, I meant the ones shown in 0:13, not the big one in the beginning but HOLY SHIT, DID YOU SEE THAT THING????? HOW IS THAT REAL?!?!?!?! IT IS SO FUCKING AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN’T. I AM DYING. THIS IS JUST TOO BEAUTIFUL.)
- I somehow happen upon an old archive of the opera (idk how I did that but I bookmarked it in case I’ll need it again) that has information about plays going back as far as the year 1900. This is nuts! I am in too deep but I can’t pull myself away. I’ve gotten this far, I will see it through.
- I search for keyword “flute” and I get results. Some of them are pretty old but I finally find what I need. Performances of the Magic Flute in 2010! Bingo!
- ...Oh, wait, they’re all around Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Hmm... when will it be okay for them to go? I mean, Valtor has been established to have zero free time around that time of the year and I can’t see them going on the 24th or the 31st... Oh, those are matinees. Definitely no! I need them to go in the evening. And some of these are broadcasts which doesn’t work for me either.
- I looked up earlier years as well. I considered another opera again. I decided to switch up the timeline a little. It makes sense if it’s in 2009. I think they had spring performances of The Magic Flute then. Or was it 2008? Anyway, I finally settle on an early April date in 2009 (I think). Now that that’s settled, let’s go back to the seats.
- First I need to figure out what floor (let’s say) of the opera they’re on. I was thinking of the last one first (family circle) but the boxes (I figure those seats will be safest for their activities) look like this:
which isn’t vibing with me because they would be in the front row and it seems more visible. So I relocate to the previous floor (balcony) that looks like this:
That works a little better although there’s the danger of having more people in their box. But they’re sitting in box 14, seats 5 (Griffin) and 6 (Valtor) (where the arrow is pointing) and there’s only one man in seat 4 in front of them. So that is the best I can do.
- Wow, all that’s finally figured out. I decide to do all the rest of the research up front in order to be able to just write after that and not stop for another 4 hours. More on those other things later BUT I get to the part where I need to pick a vibrator and... well, I done fucked up.
- First thing that comes up for a remote controlled vibrator is Lush, of course. And I am immediately sold because it has a sound activated setting which Valtor will definitely love to utilize while in the opera.
BUT
Lush 2 (which is the first one to have the sound activated setting, I believe) came out in 2018. Even if we accept that Lush also has it, that came out in 2015. My fic is set in 2009. Searching for 2009 vibrators literally went no where so in the end I decided that the SoL verse is actually set in a parallel universe where time is a little warped so the Lush 2 is out in 2009. Plus, that way there isn’t going to be a pandemic in future installments. Overall, that works. Except that I needn’t have been so thorough with my opera research beforehand. Oh, well. It’s finally time to start writing.
- How do you write? How do you start a fic? One word in front of the other? Oh, okay, never mind. Lipstick is a girl’s best friend. Let’s start from there. And a kiss that leads to the discussion of lipstick... Damn, I forgot to spend one more hour on researching what kind of lipstick Griffin would have worn. Shame! You don’t get that detail now. I believe I didn’t even mention a shade.
- Oh, wait. Need for his breath to taste like something. Hmm, let’s see. Tonic water? Yeah, that sounds about right. Never mind that he should have probably drunk it right before getting out of the car to kiss her if it was still lingering on his breath. I mean, that’s not impossible. Just improbable.
- He’s also wearing cologne, right? Gotta research that too. How else would I get this:
and zero idea what it actually smells like despite the description. Also, did not check if that was a thing in 2009 but the story now exists in a vacuum so who cares.
- Apparently, Griffin doesn’t own any golden bracelets even though she does have a golden necklace? Or she could have a golden bracelet, just not one she likes for the current situation? Anyway, I wanted to mention Ediltrude as well because the twins always go together and that was the best I came up with. (That said, I didn’t need to put the mentions of them one sentence apart.)
- My god, I used a semicolon! That feels illegal. I sure hope I used that bitch correctly.
- Okay, I absolutely love all the banter and just flow in the car. Idk how I did that since it’s such a constricted space but I am really proud of it. However, the logistics were sometimes hard to logic my way through. I mean, Valtor doesn’t get to look at her a lot and I had to employ a red traffic light to give him the chance to do so.
- I hit a wall about three paragraphs later. Things started going in a weird direction. I was considering even deleting the last two lines but then I managed to get back on track thanks to having figured out how they met and I decided to write a little bit about that without spoiling it (that will be a fic of its own some day). Suffice it to say it was a meet-very-ugly. But it bailed me out. Also, they got over it so it’s all good.
- And now... that paragraph. You know which one I’m talking about. It stands out with the locations I’ve given. That paragraph required 30 minutes of looking at Google Earth to figure it out and I still nearly got it wrong. At that point it occurred to me that they’ll need a place to park. I mean, idk how parking is in NYC but it’s probably not the way it is in Bulgaria especially on small neighborhood streets where it’s just... park wherever (even in front of a garage if you’re brazen enough and don’t fear having your tires slashed). So first, I was going to have them coming down Tenth Avenue and passing by the backside of the Opera which is not ideal for me because I needed Griffin to figure out they’re going to the opera so that they can have the following dialogue. But there is the New York Public Library of the Performing Arts right next door so I figure Griffin will recognize the area if it’s next to a library. And I have them almost at the garage but... that’s not looking right. This garage is on 65th Street and mine is on 62nd... I have been looking at the wrong garage for the past hour. Now that I have caught that mistake, things get easier. They just drive right past the facade of the opera, take a right turn and then enter the garage. Easy peasy. For whoever’s actually paying attention to the map.
- They’re in the garage now and I have to write another kiss. Shoot! I do not vibe with writing kisses. Writing sex scenes is much easier. But I’ll try my best because this is a little bit necessary if we’re dealing with an insertion of a vibrator in a public bathroom one minute from now. (Again, logistics!) I actually went back to add in a little discomfort during the kiss (but not too much because they’re consumed with each other anyway and probably missed something) just to make it more realistic. They can’t be comfortable in the car. Also, you have got to love how I never even thought of what make the car is. But I did stop to research the tinting of the car windows.
- Now this is extremely funny but I would have had zero idea that there are different laws about how tinted your car windows can be in the USA if I hadn’t read a very extensive critique of Fifty Shades (whichever part it was that had that info). So I look up the VLT for New York and it says 70%. Great! Then it won’t be that visible through the windows what they’re doing inside. Oh, wait! VLT means Visible Light Transmission aka 70% of the light should be passing through the window. Aka it is only tinted on 30%. This much:
That’s practically nothing. You can see everything through it. Welp, then someone’s gonna see, I guess.
- Can’t believe I didn’t stop to look up clutches either. (Lmao, I was calling it a purse instead of a clutch at first even though I definitely meant a clutch. And then I remembered that clutch existed as a word. Who would’ve thought?) It’s baffling trying to figure out why my brain was prioritizing some details over others and I just genuinely have no idea what was going on.
- Griffin is blushing a lot in this. Can you tell I have no idea how else to convey Valtor giving her feelings through body language?
- I first envisioned the box being opened by the hair pin by turning it like a key. Only later did I realize that that wouldn’t be possible because the pin has two parts (whatever they’re called) and that would make turning it impossible unless all of the base fits into one hole in the lid of the box. So I had to adapt my vision to using the extensions at the ends of the hair pin like a hook that pulls the lid up once it’s clicked free. I have zero idea how that would be done but I’m sure it can be done. So yeah, anyway, the pin looks like this but with attachments at the ends to open the box:
- I might have gone a little overboard with Griffin’s reaction to having the vibrator inside her. I might have made her a bit too embarrassed but I still think that she simply wouldn’t appreciate someone knowing about what she considers a private experience (despite the very public setting).
- And I am being overly specific again with the seats but I worked for that information so you’re getting it against your will!
- Speaking of, that man in their box was pretty ignored throughout the fic. But then again Griffin wasn’t overflowing with lucidity. She is sure to have missed... A Lot, actually.
- My apologies (once again) to @her-majesty-wears-jeans for not letting Griffin punch Valtor in the face for the terrible pun he was about to make but I thought that that would ruin the mood so I had to skip it.
- I might have imagined things a little differently but then consent factored in and I had to change things up so that Griffin is clearly on board with everything. I hope it came through that way at least. She is on board even if she is very, very frustrated. She would never throw the bet just because it’s difficult for her. Though, I’m taking note for future fics of maybe being a little bit more explicit about the enjoyment of all parties involved. I just couldn’t really think of a way to convey it better back then and I am coming up with several ideas now and I will try to keep them in mind for future fics.
- I keep going back and forth on just how far into their relationship this is. Sometimes it feels like it’s not enough time for them to get this familiar with each other and sometimes it feels like too much for them to still be skirting their feelings for each other like that. Will update when I make up my mind about how long exactly it has been.
- In retrospect, probably should have picked up an opera that people would be less likely to bring their children to (as brought to my attention by @her-majesty-wears-jeans). I apologize for this. Did not consider it at all.
- A wild tangent about Griffin’s sexual experiences before Valtor popped up (for the second time now). This is giving me thoughts and I am not even sure if I’ll manage to get them all out in the bachelorette party fic. Oh, no, I am getting ideas again.
- God, I had to mention those paper birds because I adore them. Also, needed to do a time skip somehow (sure hope they don’t show up at the very end or the very beginning).
- So there are some things about the whole thing with the suit jacket that if you squint, you’ll miss the very far-fetched and convoluted ways in which I could make them make sense but again, it isn’t impossible to make them operate according to logic so good enough.
- And now for the dress:
I thought it would be reasonable for Griffin to own something like that. It doesn’t look overly expensive or dramatic.
- I swear that most of the 2% angst was an accident. Griffin was supposed to say the “You paid how much for tickets exactly just so you could fool around?” line but the following few paragraphs sprang on me out of nowhere. That was where I left it off the first day I was working on it and I wasn’t sure how to continue it. Then the angst happened.
- I do not believe the retaliation part was planned but would it really be a Griffin x Valtor story if something like that hadn’t happened? XD
- “reverberated”, “multitudinous” and “unobtainable” are probably not words that Griffin’s muddled mind would go to in that precise moment but everything else I came up with for them just did not sound right.
- I completely forgot the word for neckline and was so mad at myself for that but, luckily, I managed to remember it before posting the fic. I believe the original read “he slipped a finger under the fabric of her dress, running it over the top of her breast” which is not incorrect but just not precise enough for my liking.
- Sure hope the shortened version of the opera did not cut out the ending musical sequence. But that seems unlikely.
- The idea was running overly long in my head by having them going back to the penthouse so that I could have the scene where he picked her up so I decided to move things around and have him carry her bridal style on their way from the opera to the car. It’s not like she didn’t earn it.
- Pretty sure I had planned something a little different for the last several lines of dialogue but I couldn’t remember what so we get this. Which isn’t a disadvantage. I mean, Griffin is already thinking of marrying him. XD (That’s probably a bit of a stretch at the current status of their relationship but then again, she was thinking of a wedding, not necessarily of their wedding even though I’m clearly a little romance gargoyle that meant exactly that.)
- Originally, Valtor was supposed to floor the brakes while they were out in the NYC traffic but then I decided that doing it while still in the garage with only one car behind them and both vehicles driving at a very slow speed was a lot safer so I switched to that. It also saved me writing more words which was appreciated. I thought this fic would be a bit shorter.
- I was at a loss for how many orgasms Griffin should want from him but then the commitment line happened and that was all avoided.
#winx club#winx griffin#winx valtor#griffin x valtor#covenshipping#sparks of life#singing a new tune#trivia#trivia tuesday#research#my writing process#the magic flute#yeah no cut and this is gonna be hell on mobile#i know#i'm evil
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