#especially because tumblr has a lot of small circles

[mushiishrooms]

I'd love to be more active on Tumblr again, but everytime I open the app I'm back to that feeling of anxiety tearing me up inside as my ex posts the same post about how bad they're doing over and over and over while ignoring me and it's taking me everything I have not to run into their dms and apologize and beg them to talk to me again even if I was never wrong to begin with

#sort of a vent #i used to use tumblr a lot but its really hard to open the app after this #especially because tumblr has a lot of small circles #and it leaves me feeling paranoid #i know some of the people i follow follow them/ #are mutuals with them #and im not trying to cancel them i just see their username and i #spiral a bit #it wasnt the only time they did it too #sometimes it would be straight up suicidal posts #it felt so awful #especially at the end #any person who has respect for their partner even during conflict would not do that #i didnt deserve that #or any of what they did at the end #if anyone wants to follow my twitter my username is the same there #im on there more often because being on the app doesnt give me a viseral reaction #eventually i will use tumblr like normal #but probably not soon

[thiriann]

The Ascension and the sexual implications of it

We all remember the post from a few weeks ago that circled here. I didn't go through with the Ascension from a purely game sense "this is clearly evil " standpoint. I didn't really understand why it's evil or even more why it's sexual. Some analyses have floated around here and tumblr that mentioned it's because "vampires are a sexy fantasy". Well, yes but you're getting a vampire either way, aren't you?

I didn't manage to connect the dots until I started looking into possible ways for him to walk in the sun. It seems the only reliable one is a “Wish” spell. But that seems to turn the vampire mortal again. Now, that didn't sit right with me. If Ascension was changing him, this was even more of an "I'll fix him" situation. But I thought, would he even agree? He's so power hungry probably giving up on being a vampire would be the last thing he'd agree on. But the more I thought about it, the more it became clear to me that he actually has a strong dislike for being a vampire. If you tell him his reflection is a small price to pay for vampire powers he answers "To you, maybe." He loves seeing the sun again, all the colors. He can't see or remember his eyes, which if we take into literary view, eyes being the windows to the soul we could say it shows his disconnect with his soul, with his humanity. He absolutely hates the hunger urges that come with vampirism, saying they make him pathetic and it's the worst version of himself. And of course, the sexual part. He hasn't actually seen any perks of vampirism, just that it makes you an object of desire, a thing used only for sex. That is the only side of vampirism he has managed to experience and that is what he connects it with.

The point in the story that clearly connects his vampire nature to sexuality is the talk with the blood merchant. She is a drow, her society already views men as slaves good for one thing. But she doesn't ask him for sex, she asks him for a bite yet it's just as sexual. It shows the player that vampires are sex objects yet again. But whatever is left of him, of his soul and humanity is very separated from his vampire form. He doesn't take being a vampire as an identity but separates himself from it, calling it an affliction, or condition. So why push him further into nature that he doesn't accept or enjoy?

At many points he mentions there's almost nothing left of the man he was, whatever little is left of his soul, etc. He believes he doesn't have much to offer, especially after sex is off the table. That is why it's so important to remove sex from your romantic relationship for him. While obviously, it's a time for healing, it's also a time to actually connect to the person behind the vampire. The person he used to be before he became a sex object.

And that is the same if you choose his spawn romance ending. You pick the man he managed to remain despite everything that happened. That's why his post-scene at the grave is basically a rebirth of him, of his humanity. While the romance post-scene of the Ascension is a rebirth of you. You chose to reduce him to a vampire, to an object, and even went as far as to objectify yourself as well by accepting the vampire nature. And ultimately, that's all that's left of him, the vampire. The person he was is gone completely.

I'd just like to add that a lot of people like to bring up that they let the other characters make their own choices but that's a weak point. Shadowheart's choice is very influenced by your choices/approval and let's not forget she would actually kill Lae'zel if you don't get involved, you literally have to choose if you sell Wyll's soul or not, and Lae'zel would kill you if you don't stop her.

Also, there is the argument that he wants this. And for that, I can only guess based on my speculations, that despite all the power hunger brought from whatever feelings, survival, fear, selfishness -until the very last moment he hadn't made up his mind. He even tells you this before you enter Cazador's chamber. He won't know what he'll do before he faces him. His turmoil is obvious. You can tell him this isn't him, not really. And he responds that it should be, he doesn't want to be pathetic.

The choice for the ascension never was his, as it never was for him. He himself saw no way out, just like when he was under Cazador. And the temptation that was obviously present at the idea of being just like Cazador. The choice there was for you.

For the player, whether it'd be as a lover or a friend.Do you want the man or the vampire?

#astarion #astarion ancunin #astarion bg3 #baldurs gate #bg3 spoilers #ascension #astarion ascended

[doberbutts]

Why do people act like their public blogs are private places? I've seen others make posts name dropping urls and then they get upset if you talk to them about it or there's backlash. Like?? It's right there for most tumblr users to see its not behind a pay wall or a server its...out in the open.

I think the honest answer is that a lot of people, especially people with a small amount of followers OR with a relatively tight follower/mutual circle (so they may have a lot of followers but only actively see notes from like 10 of those people because the rest mostly lurk or are follow-for-follows) get used to this idea that they're mostly just screaming into the void.

And I mean. They kind of are. So am I! But at 9k followers I have to be a bit more careful and cognizant of any public disagreements I involve myself in than someone with like. 50. Because of that 9k. even if 10% of those people are actively watching my blog, that's still 900 people that will dogpile whoever I disagree with if the fight is explosive and public enough. vs at 50 followers, even if half of those people are actively watching that blog, that's 25 blocks and then the problem stops.

That's why I carefully avoid naming names unless it's actually necessary, because I know my followers will dogpile that person and I don't want that to happen. I've been dogpiled before and I've also witnessed my followers dogpiling someone well after I told them to knock it off so I definitely don't want to go through that again or see anyone else go through it again.

But I think that a lot of people have not had that happen and thus have not yet learned that as long as you're posting something on a publicly accessible place, especially with tumblr's brokenass blocking system that I just demonstrated does not adequately hide posts from blocked users, other people will always have a chance to see it and react to it. Which also means the person you're posting about has a chance to see it and react too. And that reaction's not likely to be positive if you've been really negative about them.

[soullessjack]

I’ve been on TikTok a lot because my FYP has been infiltrated by SPN and most people on there think he has the mental mind of a 3 y/o or a baby. How is this possible to think with his storylines? It doesn’t make sense to me. I wasn’t in the fandom, just an avid show watcher, and I saw him similar to Amara and how she’s an adult that grew up fast except he was just born grown but naive because the world is complex. So how do people get to him having a baby mind? It feels ableist to me but I can’t figure out how to articulate why (like when someone has developmental disabilities and someone says, “They have the mind of a _y/o,” when that person’s needs/skills/etc are more complex) and I was wondering if you could shine some light on why you think this happens. I don’t think people understand why other people have uncomfortable feelings surrounding baby/toddler/kid!Jack but I can’t remove it from accidental ableism. I’ve tried talking to people about it on TikTok but they either double down or say that it’s my opinion. However, I don’t feel like canon supports theirs. Thank you. I love you your posts about Jack and your insight. Good work.

hi, thanks :3

genuinely I don’t know, and I ask myself that every single time I go through spn tiktok lmao. the best I can figure is, for one, TikTok is the app where media literacy and nuance go to die like dogs. there’s no arguing with anybody there unless you get lucky (source: I’ve argued).

two, I think genuinely it comes from the over-saturation of baby!jack content in the fandom, both in and out of tumblr, and the extremely minimal amount of content where he’s actually treated with nuance and complexity. like, it exists, but only in very small circles that the majority of the fandom clearly ignores. from what I’ve seen most of spn-tok is focused on TFW or Dean or Destiel and don’t generally care about Jack that much, so it kinda makes sense that they’d just run with the most prevalent idea of jack and not really think about it in the long run, or when they watch the show.

a lot of the arguments I’ve seen literally boil down to “he wears Velcro sneakers” and “he doesn’t know [insert thing]” or just his general social awkwardness/unawareness (which Cas displayed all the time in the early seasons but never got outright infantilized for). like look at this:

and there’s millions more comments like this, unfortunately. I don’t mean to speak for everyone, but at least for me, the body language and specific mannerisms Alex put into his portrayal of Jack is what resonated the most as an autistic thing, naïveté and poor social skills aside of course. Like, he fidgets/stims constantly—

and none of this is scripted for him to do, either! Alex just decided it worked, and he was right!!

—and to see these very blatant autistic traits be reduced down to “portrayal of a child/toddler” is downright sickening, especially when plenty of other autistic fans have pointed it out and expressed to Alex that they relate to Jack and even asked if he had done it on purpose because it was so well done.

what I’m personally confused on is how many people will double down on jack being a child like it’s driftwood in the ocean. like, going back to my argument, I gave the other person multiple points in the show that make it obvious jack is intended to be an adult. Harper, the beer, any of the trauma he’s endured; the works. and all they had to say to that was “you do you I guess.” and it’s like what do you mean, ‘you do you’? I’m giving you actual examples that happen in the show, and I’m asking you to think ‘hey, maybe if jack flirted with a girl and talked nonstop about what it’s like to fall in love and have sex for an entire episode and had his dad offer to go to a dive bar for bucket-list hookups in the episode after, maybe he isn’t a child.’

but again, this is TikTok, so asking for any kind of self examination is asking for too much.

it just strikes me as odd. it’s odd and confusing and horribly frustrating that people are dying on this hill like it’s some kind of civic duty. like, why does it matter to you so much to see Jack as a child? why is it so important for you to think of him that way, that you just ignore canon evidence and autistic voices to make yourself feel right? what was even weirder was they were autistic themselves, and said they wouldn’t dream of infantilizing him, but here we are. their reasoning was “he’s literally 3 by the end of the show,” and that was it. And of course they weren’t wrong, but if you look at every time Jack or anyone else acknowledges his age:

D: “how old do you think you are?”

J: “3 days, 17 hours and 42 minutes”

Dean shrugs and lets him drink beer.

M: “You should be six months old.”

J: “I am…sort of.”

Mary shrugs and treats Jack like a teenager from there on out

M: “Do you ever hang out? I mean, with kids your own age?”

J: “Well, I’m two…enty. I’m twenty…two. I’m twenty-two.”

While the show acknowledges Jack’s actual age, it’s arguably on the same level of acknowledgment of Cas being literally older than time, because what people strangely fail to remember is that Jack is not completely human and doesn’t have the natural aging or developmental process that humans do. He’s three in the same way Vision is three, and Vision is already married with children. Beyond that, there are plenty of times when Jack is referred to as a teenager or treated like one, like Dean’s “he’s a millennial” joke in Last Holiday (wrongly termed but the intent is still there). Hell, even in the scripts they’ll directly say things like:

“Jack is spiraling out, a teenage powder keg,” (13x06 Tombstone, deleted writer’s draft)

“Kelly can’t help but smile, so impressed by the man he’s become, but not about to let him out of her sight,” (14x08 Byzantium, prod. draft)

that make it pretty clear Jack is functionally an adult despite his unnatural age, just like Cas or Amara or even Emma (also the added bonus that Jack explicitly hates being called a child or treated like one, but people literally reacted to that like “oh silly baby wants to be in charge like a grownup” so, like, I don’t even know what to do with that) (and banking off of that, every other time Jack is explicitly put into an adult situation, like flirting with Harper and literally asking Dean how to have sex, sooo many notes on that gif set were the same parroted “nooo baby boy don’t corrupt your innocent mind!! dean is such a bad influence 😂😂😂😂”, so the obtuseness is very intentional). I try not to be accusatory when I talk about the way Jack is treated in the fandom, as a general for online discussion and because I know it’s largely unintentional, but I really do think Destiel (and Sastiel) have some hand in it.

If you look at the majority of Baby!Jack content, it all centers around how domestic either ship is with baby!jack, how good Dean is with kids (baby jack) and how much of a sweet older sister Claire would be, etc. It’s all for the sake of domesticity. It’s the white picket fence family dream that canon TFW2.0 doesn’t really quite have. It’s to make Dean and Cas and Sam and Cas and Claire and Rowena and whoever else, a softer version of themselves. It’s never actually about Jack. He’s just the cannon fodder; the prop; the dress setting; the accessory. He’s there to make everyone else look better and to fuel them forward. No matter how much people want to argue that it’s “giving Jack the childhood he should’ve had,” we both know it’s not actually about him, because canon coming in with the steel chair again: Jack literally chose to be an adult. He hates being considered a child and has never expressed anything more than wanting to be a regular teenager. And like I said, people on spn-tok are naturally Destiel centered, so it’s honestly not very surprising that they just can’t let go of this content cow because it’s just too cute and wholesome and precious of course, despite it being rampant ableism and just generally annoying to people who actually do care about Jack in a deeper sense. Gag me. So maybe that explains the doubling down, but then what gets even more confusing to me is, like, you can have a domestic family AU that doesn’t rely on erasing a character to fit a specific image. You can have a domestic family AU without being ableist about it. You don’t have to do any of the things you keep consistently doing. You even fucking already it in the show! Canon TFW2.0 is dysfunctional on various levels, but so was TFW, and so were just Sam and Dean. It’s simply their dynamic, and it’s what adds to their family bond being what it is to begin with. Nothing you’re doing is something you need to.

I wanna stop before this gets longer than it has to be, but for one final thought I think the general lack of care for autistic people in any space is part of it, too. It’s why half of our representation is painfully inaccurate or egregiously offensive; it’s why fandoms of media with autistic/autistic-coded characters almost always rampantly infantilize them (cough cough SheRa). And like with Alex’s mannerism choices, it’s the distinct yet subconscious connection between autistic behaviors and childlike behaviors, because autistic people are so largely treated as incapable innocent children and cannon fodder for their autism warrior parents; both of which reflect like direct sunlight in Baby!Jack tropes. And it’s why people just don’t care enough to do anything about it, to heed any criticisms about the harm they’re doing, because to them it’s not harmful. It’s not a problem that’s doing any perceivably “real” damage because they haven’t been personally hurt by it (except when it comes to unfair Dean criticism or Sam or Cas criticism, because that’s clearly more important than ableist rhetoric and representation erasure), and probably because they already hold those views to autistic people in the real world.

The world at large does not care for autistic people, or disabled people in general. Nothing that hurts us is considered anything serious. Nothing that matters to us is considered valuable or worth respecting. And because of that, we already struggle in the real world day by day, so we turn to online spaces for connection and sharing our interests safely. We turn here for community, only to be met with the same indifference and rejection as the real world, because the same people we’re trying to avoid are here too, and then we have nowhere else.

•••

**im probably going to make this a separate post but I also want to talk about the weird cognitive dissonance that the fandom has with babyjack and how it’s pretty much considered “acceptable infantilization,” and how so many people in the fandom have said they want more complex jack but still engage with content that actively erases Jack’s complexity and relies on that erasure to make him what he is).

***edit: tags 4 reach, absolutely feel free to ask for removal! ik it’s out of the blue but you guys have had some of the better takes on jack lol @angelsdean @hauntedpearl @uh-ohspaghettio @queermania

#sorry this took for fucking ever to write out #holdthypeace.txt #spn #jack kline #autistic jack kline #spn tiktok #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #team free will #team free will 2.0 #spn fandom #supernatural fandom #spn family #destiel #deancas #sastiel #samcas #domestic destiel #babyjack #baby jack #toddler jack kline #baby au #fandom critical #fandom criticism #spn critical #ship critical? I guess?? #fandom ableism #ableism in fandom #tw infantilization

[yeagerfate]

what their hugs feel like.

pairings: eren, jean, armin, reiner

genre: angsty hurt/comfort

warnings: panic attack (in eren's), jean has to relocate reader’s shoulder, reader walks in on reiner when he’s about to shoot himself (sorry), i love them, you can tell jean and eren and reiner are my fav aot boys (i love them soooooo much mwah mwah), s4 spoilers in reiner's, s1 spoilers in jean’s, can you tell i wrote jean's, reiner’s and armin’s way after i wrote eren's. anyways reiner makes me so sad i want to hug him :( he is so

note: hi, this is my first post on tumblr! i am so excited to post some of my ideas on here. currently, my requests are open. if you have any ideas, let me know! reiner’s is by far my fav out off all of these and i really don’t like armin’s lol, i don’t have a beta reader so i tried to proof read this but idk if it worked, also my top 3: eren, ymir, and reiner/jean i can't choose. is this bad please tell me this isn't bad

-

EREN:

Eren's hugs are determined yet soft.

All he wanted to do in that moment was make you feel safe; an expedition had just ended. You were shaken from the titans you'd seen, eating innocent soldiers who were just doing their jobs

"It’s fine," Eren murmured to you as he held your hands tightly to ground you. It wasn’t fine, and he knew that, but he still told you it anyway. He just wanted you to stop being so terror-stricken

Your hands were shaking, your eyes were darting around like you were looking for a titan to come get you, and you were breathing heavily

"N-no it isn't," You replied, your voice small. "You don't understand, Eren. Those people-"

He had cut you off when he pulled you into a warm hug. "Shh. It’s okay,” He whispered. "We’re okay now, I won't let anything happen to you."

His embrace was welcoming and comforting, and for a moment you'd almost forgotten about what you'd just seen

Your face was hidden in the crook of his neck as you began to calm down. Eren slightly turned his head to the side to kiss your cheek sweetly, his eyes closing as he comforted you silently. His hand went up to cup the back of your head, and he began to rub his hand back and forth as you sobbed quietly

His free hand was drawing circles on your back. Your arms, however, were wrapped around his neck desperately

"You’re my girl," Eren whispers. "I promise I’ll keep you safe."

JEAN

Jean’s hugs are warm and tight. I imagine he has a firm handshake too but that’s off topic lol

During the Battle of Trost, You ran out of fuel for your ODM gear and had to make a run for it while a titan was coming at you. (Though you were saved by a strange, mysterious titan with long brown hair and green eyes. You thought he had a striking similarity to Eren but would never say such a thing out loud especially since you knew how much he hated the titans. Later on you found out you were right though. He does have titan powers!)

While you were trying to get away you’d dislocated your shoulder. Because you’d taken health classes during training, you’d immediately realized what had happened, and a terrible sense of dread ran down your spine. You really didn’t wanna deal with the pain of someone relocating your shoulder

Once you’d found Jean, your best friend who you had a huge crush on, You told him what had happened

His face dropped

“Please, I need you to fix it for me. I don’t want to let some random nurse do it in an uncomfortable, smelly tent after this is over. It hurts so bad, please, jean,” You begged. Nurses and doctors already gave you a lot of anxiety when you were a kid, and now that you were in a life-threatening situation it was even worse

“Okay,” He replied. “Okay, okay, okay…” He muttered to himself, and took a deep breath. He was extremely scared he somehow wouldn’t do it right despite his first-aid training and would hurt you even more

It seemed as soon as he started he finished, but it was the worst pain you’d ever felt in your entire life

You screamed in agony and discomfort, and even though you only dislocated your shoulder, it felt like your entire body was aching

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He cried out. He immediately pulled you into a hug, wrapping his arms around your back and pulling you in

Tears streamed down your smoke and bloodstained face, and everything felt so overwhelming. You were just glad Jean had done it for you and not some stranger

“Holy shit, fuck, fuck, fuck, that hurt like a son of a bitch,” You gasped out. Your voice was hoarse from all the screaming

And a couple days later, when you finished truly recovering and you finally had time to think about what happened, a small blush had risen to your cheeks, thinking about the way your bestfriend had helped you.

Maybe, you did have a chance…

ARMIN

Armin's hugs are soft and sweet. They’re laced with love

Armin had been completely humiliated in combat training today. Shadis had partnered him up with Marco, one of the worst fighters in the 104th, and yet he still couldn't hold his ground.

He was so embarrassed he didn't even show up to dinner, which made you, Mikasa, and Eren even more concerned. Marco felt horrible

So, you decided to sneak into the boy's dorms. No one else was even there anyway, and you'd never really gotten in trouble before, so you weren't afraid of Shadis

"Armin," You called out, but your voice was cautious. You didn’t want him to be caught off guard

As you walked to his bed, your heart broke. Armin looked like he was both famished and in complete despair. His knees were tucked to his chest and tears spilled out of his baby blue eyes. His blonde hair was messy and knotty, and you could tell he was stressed. You sat next to him and the bed creaked obnoxiously

"How am I supposed to make it if I can't even do good in combat training? It’s so basic, I’m not gonna make it if I can't get better. what am I gonna do? I don't wanna be shipped off to the fields. I-“

"Armin, honey," You cooed, and placed your warm hand on his shoulder. You guided his head to lay on you. "You underestimate yourself. Who cares if you're not as good at combat training? We’re fighting titans, not people. You excel in the education part of training, and you're respected by your peers. I am so proud of you, Armin. I know you will succeed. and if you get shipped off, I’m going too."

Armin sniffled, and as he looked up at the confident look on your face, he knew that you were right. He pulled you in for a hug, and hid his face in your neck.

"Eren’s worried about you. He says he'll beat Marco up if you want him too!"

"NO!"

REINER

Reiner’s hugs are desperate and hesitant. It’s strange for him to receive affection after everything he’s been through

One day, you decided you wanted to surprise Reiner at work. You could tell something was off with your husband but you couldn’t quite tell what it was; you wanted to cheer him up

You didn’t even think of knocking. You visited him so much nowadays that it was an afterthought. And thank the Lord it was

The sight before you was horrifying. You opened your mouth, but not a sound came out. As soon as Reiner saw you enter his office, he freaked the fuck out

He dropped the gun, watching as it made a loud clatter on the wooden floor. His eyes were wide and his sweaty hands were shaking. He looked almost fearful; like the little boy he once used to be… the one who would get screamed at during training because he was so weak

“What… is this?” You dropped the cookies you had made specially for him, but you didn’t care. Suddenly, you were breathing heavily, and if you blinked one more time tears would fall. Your vision was blurry, and the entire room looked shaky.

“What are you doing? Honey… Reiner, please, please don’t leave me. I need you here, please, Rei, stay, stay,” You pleaded, and suddenly your arms were wrapped tightly around him, his face hidden by your stomach. He was still sitting in his chair, completely in shock

You were hyperventilating, shaking, and were about to throw up. What happened? Your sweet Reiner was going to do this to himself? You thought everything had been going good… had you not been paying enough attention to him?

A thousand thoughts were running through your head but they all were interrupted when you felt his strong, muscular arms wrap around your torso. His shoulders shook rapidly, his face hidden away in your shirt, and for the first time in your entire life, you saw him cry

“Sorry, ‘m sorry, please don’t-“ His voice was laced with anguish and despair and all you had ever wanted in that moment was to take his pain away. The sounds of his weeping broke your heart, and his deep voice almost sounded unnatural while crying. You were not used to it at all; he’d always tried to “act like a man” around you, and not worry you. All he did was bottle up his emotions, unbeknownst to you

“It’s okay, we’ll do this together, honey, it’s fine, you’re fine, it’s good,” You breathed out, your voice heavy. You both knew it was definitely not fine, but you’d work through it together. Reiner was your husband, after all.

#eren yeager #eren yeager x reader #eren yeager x you #eren fluff #eren headcanons #eren yeager fluff #eren yeager x y/n #eren jeager #eren jeager fluff #eren jeager x reader #eren jeager x you #eren jeager x y/n #armin arlert #armin arlert fluff #armin fluff #armin arlert x reader #attack on titan #aot x you #aot x reader #aot x y/n #attack on titan x reader #jean kirstein #jean kirstein fluff #jean kirstein x reader #i HATE TAGGING ANDJDDJJSNSM #reiner braun x reader #reiner braun #reiner fluff #reiner angst

[roxnpens]

My dearest Roxy,

I request 2 and 13 for Silco pretty please. The details are up to you! Thank you 💜

Dear Kels, thank you for your request <3 I enjoyed writing it a lot.

It also made me think about Silco: Would he be melancholic about his partner? Would be able to trust or love again after his trust was so viciously broken? I think “yes” - because it shows how he treats Jinx and how much he cares for her… so why wouldn’t he trust someone who’s been there for him all the time - from when it happened with Vander?

A walk in the Clouds

TW: [Silco x fem!Reader], [Established relationship], [Melancholic Silco], [Mention of Pain], [Comforting], [Soft Silco]

Tumblr prompt for @ilikemymendarkandfictional :)

Synopsis:

For a long time it as been just you and Silco. You and him against the world. But the ‘Eye of Zaun’ is not always as ruthless and dangerous as he wants everybody to believe - he has a soft side… especially with you…

________________________________

The Lanes were overcast by shadows and clouds, a thunderstorm beginningto draw near from Piltover’s coast. But you were safe from it. Safe inside the Last Drop, on the lap of your longtime lover.

Silcos mismatched eyes are on you, drinking in the sight that you make: straddling his lap, your hands on his shoulder to keep yourself steady, his hands on your hip - kneading small circles into them. Lovingly you stare into his eyes… you’ve been there for him so long, he couldn't imagine his life without you anymore. Especially now… when his medication was due… when he needs to be injected with shimmer… when his pain is almost unbearable. But both of you always take your time when his medication is due.

You always calm him down first, let your hands roam his body, massage his scalp, kiss him all over his face, kiss his scarred lips with an unfathomable softness - that it almost breaks his heart every time. It’s incomprehensible for him how you could love a monster, a lusus naturae like him. He loves it - your little ritual. He loves the intimacy between you and him, how he can let loose of the world, of his problems, of his pain…

“Why did you choose me?”, you suddenly ask, your gaze never waivers its love. Silco had his good eye closed - so just a questioning huff left his lips.

“Why did you choose me, all those years ago?”, you extend the question.

He opens his good eye and now the hot and icy gaze is on you.

“Because it’s you, it's always been you.”, he whispers, every syllable contains his whole heart.

His lips softly press against yours and a tender silence falls over the two of you, occasionally interrupted by the wet sounds of your meeting lips. It's the wonderful stillness between you two that he so passionately indulges in.

After a few more moments you break this kiss which Silco comments with a groan. You grab the injector from behind you.

“Silco… it’s time.”, you say softly, an understanding smile on your lips.

Silco exhales heavily. “I know… I know…”

You put a hand on his cheek and carefully overstretch his neck. You place the injector over his eye.

“Ready?”

“Ready…”

With a snap the needle rushes down, penetrates the eye and pumps the purple fluid into his eye.

It hurts…

It always hurts…

But today… today it burns… it burns like the day Vander cut his face and the polluted waters disfigured his face… the day he came to you for the first time…

Silco clutches at your hips with a force that could break bones, his head first snaps back and then forwards toward your shoulder. You knew he was in a lot of pain before he groaned the first time. One of your hands immediately cradles the back of his head and the other finds its way to his back and strokes it soothingly.

The next minute Silco groans, breathes heavily and keeps holding himself on your body, while the waves of pain roll over his body.

You caress him throughout the pain the whole time, never leave his side. You softly rub the tense out of his back and shoulders. Massaged his scalp - your nails scratching his scalp with just the right pressure. When he relaxes a little - you kiss his head and whenever possible his lips.

After a while he relaxes slowly and his head keeps being buried in your neck. You notice that his pain episode ended by how he started drawing circles on your waist again. Yet he doesn’t look up to you, like he always does afterwards and you start to worry.

“Silco…?”,you ask carefully, “Is something else wrong?”

"Nothing's wrong, my eye. I just…”, he finally looks up to you - directly into your eyes. You could see a tear gathering in his seafoam eye.

“… I didn’t think it was possible to love someone this much.”

His words are so full of love - it almost makes your heart burst. You have been together for such a long time - he let you know that he loves you from time to time, always bought you what you wanted and let everyone pay dearly, if they did you wrong. But this gaze of uttermost true love in his eyes was the ultimate love confession in all these years.

He continues. “You’ve been there for me from the beginning. From the day Vander betrayed me - over the day I avenged my dream by killing this snake…until now…” He gently strokes your cheek and you lean into his touch. Outside a thunder growls in the sky.

“Thank you, my eye… thank you for being my most trusted friend… for being the love of my life…”

He leans forward and takes your lips by storm - just as it begins to rain outside…

#WritingRoxy #silco x reader #arcane silco #silco x oc #silco x you #silco arcane #silco #awesome #silco fanfic #silco fic #silco fluff #Soft Silco

[risrielthron]

Risri Elthron

“Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. What you have caught on film is captured forever…It remembers little things, long after you have forgotten everything.”

Name: Risri Elthron Nickname: Ris, Big Bear Race: Kaldorei FC: Erica Cerra Language(s): Common, Darnassian, Thalassian and some Orcish. Height: 6′2″ Body Type: Lean, fit. Eye Color: Silver Hair Color: Purple Age: 415 Notable Scars, Marks, etc: None. Tattoos/Piercings: Claw tattoos on her face. First Appearances: She always appears very well put together, always has a notebook and her camera.

Personality: The Consul (ESFJ-A). Consuls are altruists, and they take seriously their responsibility to help and to do the right thing. Consuls love to be of service, enjoying any role that allows them to participate in a meaningful way, so long as they know that they are valued and appreciated. Consul personalities respect hierarchy, and do their best to position themselves with some authority, at home and at work, which allows them to keep things clear, stable and organized for everyone.

Can Currently Be Found In: Stormwind, occasionally on her travels for photography reasons can be found anywhere in Azeroth

OOC INFORMATION:

What I’m Looking For: Character progression as well as story/plot progression. Friendships or hateships are good! Pre-established relationships are okay, just chat with me first. Fandom: World of Warcraft. Sole Faction or Cross-Faction: Sole Faction. Faction I Play: Alliance. Server: Wyrmrest Accord Venues I Actively Roleplay In:  Discord, Tumblr, and in game Favorite Type of RP: Friendship, Adventure, Small Social Circles Triggers: I do not condone any sexual harm to a minor. Period. Things I Will Not RP: Ultra-taboo, degradation, explicit content with minors. RP Strong Points: I am usually good about giving you something to play off of, whether it be a question or action. I typically write paragraphs but I don’t care if you do or not. I don’t usually put a lot of filler words in. RP Weak Points: I get anxious when more than three people sometimes. I can sometimes slow down an RP because I’m typing a response. I feel I am horrible with rapid fire RP.  What To Expect:  A very calm disposition, friendly, quiet most of the time. Where I RP: Prefer in-game or discord depending on the availability/content. Will do tumblr as well.

Shadowlands:  Risri is not IC in the Shadowlands and has not been there. Dragonflight:  Risri might be found in the Isles, especially around the Green Dragonflight areas.

RP HOOKS:

A Moment in Time: Risri owns a little photography studio on the canal side of the Trade District in Stormwind. Visitors would find photographs she has taken at events and around the worlds on the walls up for display or purchase (mostly landscapes for purchase).  She also does photo shoots in her studio (think family portrait).  She can be hired to take photos for events (she had done several weddings) or even for special reasons.  This is the perfect venue to meet Risri whether you’re just browsing or coming in to schedule something in particular.

Cenarion Circle: Risri is a member of the Cenarion Circle. Anyone who is a member could know Risri or know of her. She became a druid with the circle about 100 years ago. Druid things are always welcome whether its teaching or just chatting about events.

Other ideas:  Risri once ran @the-royal-courier​  many people know of her from those days, its okay to be one of them without chatting to me first. She often wanders taking photos out in the city, maybe she snapped one of you - its perfectly fine to question or even be angry that she did so, or even ask for a copy!

Art credit: 1st: @BBergolts on twitter, 2nd: @MischiArt on twitter, 3rd: @thedawnsart​

#Risri #its only slightly updated

[mcytblr-archive]

Early MCYTblr Interviews: gayminecraftmen

today's interviewee is @gayminecraftmen, a mcytblr veteran and member of dreamlying! below is a transcript of the questions and answers, today under a readmore for your scrolling convenience.

Q: What, to the best of your recollection, was your experience in early MCYTblr?

A: This is going to be very longwinded - I would say that I had a pretty unique experience during that time. I joined in early July of 2020 after being inspired by georgeeehd/tommyofcolor/lmanburg - all the same person, Reese's blog. Can't for the life of me remember what his first url was. I got my kickstart in the fandom through him, I started out as one of his anons and when I decided to make a blog of my own he gave me a shoutout. The dream team fandom was still very small at the time, so i'd say a lot of my "popularity" was only because I was one of the firsts. There was nothing truly special about what I was posting at the start of my blog, it was basically all dnf. This eventually went hand in hand with truthing, the thing I'm sure most people remember me for, and something I'll go into more detail on later.

Now, as for the more unique aspect of my time; I never looked at my dashboard. I mean, I didn't need to! All I ever needed to do was look at my notifications and people were feeding me information about what was happening in the fandom. I was 15 during my time in mcytblr, I had no real interest in building a community in the fandom if the community was seemingly being built around me. I felt like a celebrity, people in my ask box were concerningly parasocial towards me - I've got some old screenshots of asks that still creep me out a bit. It was all a huge unhealthy ego boost that made me very manic at times. Anyway - because I rarely even checked other people's blogs at the time, I'm a pretty unreliable source when it comes to anything but my own experience. I ended up deactivating on March 13th 2021 because I hadn't been genuinely into mcyt since.. I want to say October or even September of 2020 and my blog had been losing traction since the start of 2021. It just wasn't fun for me anymore.

Q: What was the general fandom attitude towards creators? More specifically, has the attitude around "boundaries" evolved since then?

A: Like I said I can't really speak on the general fandom, but I can say that in my circle the general concensus was "they're celebrities, they'll never see us, who cares?" I mean, it was tumblr, there were no creators around to see us talk about them. There was truly no worry of any consequences. For my truthing circle specifically, if you saw gay, you said gay. Later on down the line I realized that no, dream and george are not planning their honeymoon in Barcelona, but it ended up being funnier to continue the bit than denounce it altogether.

Q: I recall that you were part of "dreamlying". What was that like? (and, as an aside; is it odd to be considered infamous within a tumblr fan community?)

A: Dreamlying was, and still is, just a friend group. That's literally it. Yes, it's a friend group infamous for doxxing, and truthing, and starting a number of rumors, but still, it's not like we were constantly scheming the next big heist. You can find a number of posts detailing the origins of our group on roxytonic's blog, all conveniently tagged as "#dreamlying" so I won't get into all that at the risk of being redundant. And yes, it's incredibly weird to me that people still consider us to be infamous. Myself, especially as I actually only had a bit over 500 followers. (granted, I am aware that many people checked my blog without following and even more had me blocked). I think my least favorite part about it all is all the lies that other people tell about us. Like, while going through your blog I saw a post where someone had said I was the one who wrote the SBI crit post, a post i hadn't even known existed until I saw you talking about it! As far as I know, whoever wrote that post never had anything to do with dreamlying, and they certainly weren't a member at any point. Yes, we are partially to blame for spreading a bunch of lies about ourselves for fun, but to see just how much that spiraled out of our hands is astounding.

Q: Are there any specific dramas/discourse that you remember from the "dreamlying" era?

A: The dreamlying hijink that I think is the most infamous was the leaking of the fact that dream wasn't registered to vote. This was veeerry early on, and wasn't even a group effort, (as far as I remember nothing pertaining to doxxing ever was. It was usually just one member going off on an internet excursion on their own and sharing with the class as they went). I don't even think dreamlying had even been formed yet, or it was incredibly early. Either way, that can be attributed to Reese, as I'm sure many people remember. Finding this out was as simple as going into Florida's voting records and searching up Dream's name, something that had been doxxed by others beforehand. Frankly, I still don't understand why this was such a big deal to people.

My personal favorite dreamlying happenings were the more absurd rumors that we had started. My personal favorite being that dream's legal team sent a cease and desist to dreamwasfound/georgesoot for defamation of character, which was what we told people was the reason for his deactivation. It's insane to me that anyone ever believed that for even a second. Another favorite, one that never really caught on with the public, was that Ranboo was an ex member of dreamlying. That one was never stated outright but I remember a few subtle hints being thrown out. Sadly, I don't think anyone took the bait on that one.

Q: Moving on from dreamlying-- you mentioned being part of "ebblr" [enderbees tumblr]. Was that different from your experience in previous fringe communities?

A: Not to stroke my own ego, but I do think I had a large part in the creation of ebblr. A lot of the larger ebblr bloggers were my anons at one point. I would say the main difference in my time discussing enderbees, was that I never watched a single tubbo or ranboo stream. Every single piece of information that I had to go off of was sent to me through asks. I barely made any original posts on the topic, again mostly just responding to asks. I remember when people were first trying to think of a name for the ship, I jokingly proposed the name "boobees." I got sent death threats for that.

Q: What do you remember from that time?

A: The enderbees timeline is endlessly hilarious to me. I can't remember all of the specifics but I do recall there being a decently specific timeline of their relationship that people agreed upon. What I remember the most though was when Ranboo came to live with Tubbo for awhile on a visa (unrelated: I believe there was also serious talk of him committing tax fraud with said visa). At the point of the visit, people were already convinced they were dating. It seemed that Ranboo was a pretty ungrateful guest and I believe he ended up leaving early. That's when people started theorizing the breakup. It was later revealed on a stream that Tubbo had Ranboo muted on twitter - this really cemented things. I think people even outside of ebblr could see that their relationship was rocky after that trip, they weren't doing streams together much at all and their friend groups seemed to divide. Again, all of this information was fed to me secondhand, so I may be missing a few beats or be hyperbolizing some things, but this is how it seemed to me as far as I can remember.

Q: Is there anything else you'd like to speak on/about?

A: Don't believe anything about dreamlying that doesn't come directly from a member's mouth (roxytonic's blog being an outlier in this case). Second-hand accounts are essentially useless here, considering how much we lied, or "poisoned the well" as roxy put it. So, unless you're specifically looking to gather information on how we were percieved, most of what you're gonna find on us is simply untrue. If anyone happens to be reading this interview and has more questions, I am probably open to answering them as long as they aren't too prying! My inbox on gayminecraftmen is always open, and I really do love talking about my experiences in this fandom.

#MCYTblr Interviews #Volume 7 #gayminecraftmen

[intern-seraph]

Hey, sorry if this is a weird question but. I was wondering if you knew of any blogs specifically for responding to/arguing against leftist antisemitism? I want to be a good ally to Jewish people, but also I Am Not Immune To Propaganda and sometimes I just don't quite notice the implications, you know?

There's been a few posts going around recently, where there's screenshots with the water filter, and someone responding to them like "yeah this is actually pretty fucked up for x and y reasons". Those have been really helpful because, while some of them are much more obviously antisemitic, some of them I'm not sure I would've noticed, and now I'm a bit better educated. That's the kind of thing I'm looking for.

Again, sorry if this is a weird question, and I hope you have a good day!

none that i'd recommend tbh? i feel like laser focusing on something can get to the point of seeing it everywhere, and there's also a risk of becoming reactionary abt it if that makes sense. the blogs i do rec are mainly other jews' blogs, especially the ones you've prob seen me rb from.

my main rec for recognizing leftist antisemitism is familiarizing yourself with antisemitic tropes. some of the most common ones you'll see:

Blood libel: Originated in medieval Christian Europe, spread throughout Afroeurasia and persists today. The accusation that Jews kidnap gentile (Orig. Christian) children to do nefarious things (Orig. and still relatively commonly "blood rituals" or "taking their blood to use in making Matzah") with. You'll see this often alongside "Jews rule the world" antisemitism.

Jews rule the world/Zionist-occupied government/Evil Cabals: What it says on the tin. If you see some shit about how "Oh isn't it SUSPICIOUS how many billionaires/millionaires/rich people are Jewish?" or "The ZIONIST-CONTROLLED MEDIA is suppressing this!", that's a variant on this canard.

Khazar theory: Antisemitic pseudoscientific theory that Ashkenazi Jews aren't ackshually descended from the Judeans who were forcibly exiled from our homeland, but instead descended from Turkic Khazars who converted to Judaism. Easily disproven by actual genetic studies that show that uh yeah all ethnically Jewish folks, Ashkies included, are descended from common ancestors that originated in the Levant. Also Yiddish is derived from, y'know, not Turkic languages. There are definitely Khazar Jews, but they make up a small number of an already small population. Variants you'll probably see of this are basically anything saying that Ashkies are somehow less Jewish than other Jews, that we're all White People (Jewish connection to Whiteness is Complicated) who have no connection to the Levant, How Could Ashkenazim Be From There When Some Of Them Are BLONDE?, etc. Shit like that.

stalin shit: a lot of modern leftist antisemitism has its roots in soviet antisemitism, which used "zionist" as another word for "jew" in order to pretend to not be antisemitic. people still do that today. if you see a post where "zionist" can be replaced with "jew" and it reads word-for-word like a classic antisemitic trope, well, you know. don't trust anyone who stans stalin (or modern russia to be honest. tankies (derogatory)).

this is non-exhaustive ofc. here are also blogs i recommend blocking asap (with / in their names to inhibit name-searching); they're all in the same far-left antisemitic atrocity apologist circle (i.e. assad stans, putin stans, holodomor deniers, uyghur oppression deniers, CCP stans, houthi stans, etc):

her/ita/gep/osts (north korea stan, which is fucking insane. beloved tumblr funnyman who implicitly blames jews for the actions of the israeli govt in multiple gross posts and has targeted multiple jewish bloggers, prompting mass harassment)

ko/ms/om/ol/ka (nasty character all around. claimed she was banned for being pro-palestine, it's actually prob because she's been reported before for being a fucking racist antisemitic freak lmao)

tx/tt/le/ta/le (ew)

bre/nda/nic/us (happily antisemitic. homophobic too, as a treat i guess)

blo/g/lik/ea/ne/gyp/tian (egyptian nationalist. don't ask her what happened to cairo's jews. makes nasty posts that outright state that jews should feel guilty for current events ON JEWISH HOLIDAYS.)

whe/nma/gic/fil/led/the/air (infamously antisemitic. block.)

a-si/ent-/ecli/pse ("Happy Holocaust Memorial Day")

ara/bia/n-k/nig/ht (extremely and openly antisemitic kid. just, like, don't engage)

nat/ive/ne/ws (tweet screenshots aren't news. loooooves spreading disinfo and misinfo)

ap/as-/95 (part of the tankie committee)

les/bia/nch/emi/cal/pla/nt (i think she's a jew but she's, like, the tankie tumblr pet jew istg. she's also an asshole. girl they will gladly turn you over once you outlive your usefulness 😬)

other advice: anyone who claims to be "anti-zionist NOT antisemitic" who only ever fixates on jews and jewish orgs instead of the christian zionists who vastly outnumber the entire jewish population is lying, they're antisemitic (whether they realize it or not). houthi stans generally are stupid jew-haters who would rather support the ethnic cleansing, racism, misogyny, antisemitism, and chattel slavery party than possibly say that Someone Who Rejects The Enemy(tm) is, yknow, not morally pure. people who are abnormal about ashkenazim are generally abnormal about non-ashkies, too, but in a different and still nasty way. if someone claims that "everything was fine before the Zionists(tm) attacked", they are wrong. do some research on the history of jewish life in the region and it's very clearly wrong. if someone says that they're tired of jews and jewish feelings and jewish safety being a focus, they probably don't feel particularly kind things about us in general. fact-check claims. screenshots aren't news. people who are okay with widespread civilian death/suffering in one direction probably only desire vengeance more than anything else, which does nothing for anyone and is a net loss. anyone baying for blood is suspect, anyone without a concrete solution/plan beyond "burn it down" is not going to do much constructive work in terms of delivering justice.

#ask #i-looktothe-stars #o7 godspeed #unfortunately a lot of this comes down to training your eye #it's a rough and wild world out there #steeped in a fine blend of centuries of antisemitism #antisemitism #seraph speaks #sorry for how scattered this is #and my allergy to the shift key

[allsassnoclass]

Are there any good 5SOS friendship fics?

the answer is definitely yes! we have fantastic writers in this fandom, so there are great friendship fics here. i can compile a list based on previous times i've answered this question, but i haven't been reading much 5sos fic for the past year and friendship fics have never been my favorite type of fic.

to find friendship fics on ao3, search for any of the pairings with a & sign instead of a / (example: Michael Clifford & Luke Hemmings). You can filter out the romantic pairings by excluding pairings with a / on the filters bar. this is a great way to find friendship fics, especially because asking me is only going to get the fics i'm aware of in my small circle here on tumblr, whereas filtering on ao3 will help you find a whole lot more!

now on to my recs:

with open hearts and open eyes by @lifewasradical: rated G, ot4 friendship, 2k. very highly recommend this one i love it a lot

If he closes his eyes, Luke thinks he can almost believe that he’s 16 again, that they’re in Australia and they’re just starting out, thrumming with energy and excitement and glee that still lingers in their bones if they look hard enough. Some of that childlike wonder bleeds through the moment, Luke’s sure of it, as the others all turn onto their stomachs too. Their outlines are barely able to be seen through the darkness, but Luke would know the contours of the other guys even if he went blind.

If I Can Dream Long Enough by @4thbrighteststar: rated G, ot4 friendship, 2k.

Luke leans back, closes his eyes and lets the setting sun wash over his face, lets his fingers find a rhythm of their own. Third fret, fifth string. Tenth fret - his fingers hop up and down the guitar. Seventh fret. Fifth fret - no, keep the riff. He loses himself in it, until the wind and the birds and the distant, roaring cars fall silent in the face of the music he’s making by himself for the first time in eternity.

(An ode to making music in the toughest of times.)

am i broken (are you the saviour) by jbhmalum, rated T, malum friendship, 4k

He should do something. Maybe take a deep breath, in and out. Maybe turn on the bedside lamp. Maybe go lie down on the cold bathroom floor. Maybe bury himself under Calum’s covers and cuddle up to him; it probably wouldn’t even wake Calum, and Michael would get the comfort he needs.

Michael hears something he didn’t want to and has a hard time dealing with it.

dearly depressed and brokenhearted (i’d like to let you know that boys cry too) by @clumsyclifford: rated T, muke friendship, 2k

Michael returns. He’s wearing a jacket and a beanie and there’s a blanket from off their couch in his hands.

“Michael,” Luke says.

“Please,” Michael says. “I’m obviously not going to convince you to come inside, but I don’t want you to freeze.” He takes the steps, footsteps falling where Luke’s had, and comes close enough to Luke that when he offers up the blanket, Luke reaches out and takes it. “I know you don’t wear jackets,” Michael explains.

(It’s cold and rainy out. Luke goes for a walk.)

crack a smile, stay a while (am i holding for applause?) by @clumsyclifford: rated T, cashton friendship (but the other two are there as well), 1k

Glancing down at Ashton, Michael adds, “What’s with him?”

“He’s convinced he’s going to do terribly and publicly humiliate himself,” Calum says, rolling his eyes again for good measure.

“No, you’ll be great,” Michael says brightly. “Calum’s always saying how you’re the most talented person in his music whatever class.”

“Calum’s stupid and wrong,” floats Ashton’s voice from somewhere underneath the seat.

no love sincerer (than the love of food) by TempestRising: rated G, ot4 friendship, 4k

5 times One Direction fed 5 Seconds of Summer / 1 time One Direction needed feeding.

melancholy & honey by @igarbagecannoteven: rated G, malum friendship, 500 words, they’re bees (yes you read that right)

Michael’s only been resting there for a minute when he hears a familiar hum approaching him from behind. He doesn’t have to turn his head to know it’s Calum.

glitter by @igarbagecannoteven: rated G, cake friendship

Calum has no idea how Luke is able to infect all of their tour gear with glitter so completely.

below are a collection of friendship fics that I personally have not read, but I’ve read other works by the writers so I feel okay recommending them

Jess @daydadahlias has written so many friendship fics that I have heard great things about!!!

 Torn Up (ot4 friendship, 8k)

Tailspin (cashton friendship, warning for alcohol/smoking, 5k)

Lightweight (ot4 friendship, warning for heavy alcohol, non-consensual kissing, 5k)

Tender (mashton friendship, 3k)

Superbloom (cashton friendship, warning for discussions of Skinny Skinny, 3k)

Movie Night (lashton friendship, 3k)

Shoebox (lashton friendship, 3k)

The Craft Club series (outside pov of ot4 friendship, but only Ashton appears in most of the installments. I've heard a lot of really fun things about this series, so while it isn't necessarily a heavy friendship focus I still recommend!)

from Bella @clumsyclifford

you should know i’ll be there for you (lashton friendship, 2k)

maybe this is just as good as it gets (cake friendship, 2k)

our best years are yet to come (thanks for choosing me) (cashton friendship, 1k)

from @lifewasradical

have my back (yeah, everyday) (malum friendship, 3k)

so much older (lashton friendship, 2k)

then if I may self-rec:

takeoff by me: rated G, mashton friendship, 1k

Sweater Weather by me: rated G, malum friendship or pre-slash, 1k

Tornado Warning by me: rated T, ot4 friendship, 2k

wedding vows by me: rated T, malum friendship, background roylum and mystal 5k

if anyone else has friendship fics they want to recommend feel free to add on!

#ask #anon #fic rec #yeah i haven't been reading 5sos fic for over a year really #and friendship fics were never my forte so i'm not sure why i keep getting this question #as this is the 4th time i've been asked for friendship fic recs???? and it's mostly always the same fics on my list because i don't really #read them #i really should get back into reading 5sos fic i have so many on my tbr list #i think i'm getting back into the mindset yknow. getting closer to that headspace #anyway hope this helps anon!

[a-s-levynn]

1,2 & 20 for the asks?❤️‍🩹

I'm putting in a cut because it got long and rambly again because i'm appearently unable to skip my tangets and it's fucking sappy as shit because i'm emotional these days.

under the cut: song of the year, album of the year, what i learned this year

1, Song of the year? As much as i want to pick something from TMBTE i have to go with Wake the Dead by blessthefall. I listened the crap out of it since it's release and it very well deserves a shoutout.

2, Album of the year? TMBTE. No question there. Not just because it is and incredible album but it means so much more.

Without it so many things would not have happend to me this year. I like ST before but if there is not TMBTE there is no tour and if there was no tour i wouldn't have seen them live and gone off the deep end. If i wouldn't have seen them live i would not have met a bunch of very nice people who were spending their days in que as well. If i've not met them i probably never would have even touched the fandom.

But there was a new album, there was a tour, i did met amazing people and i dipped my toes into fandom spaces. And what that, or more accurately you guys gave me is what probably makes this album even more special in my eyes. Because even online i usually feel so out of place and if i do more than 2 post a day i'm convinced i'm the most annyoing mf to ever exist.

I don't want to sound too sappy and make it sound dramatic and shit but like.. the year i've had before this and the beginning of this one sent me on the gorund so hard.. So the small things that came with being in ST spaces just kept me going and got me up higher and higher and the crowning on that is this tumblr circle. And now i'm actually don't have waking up in the mornings.

Small things do matter so incredibly much for someone like me, who is emotionally an equivalent of a lone sad cat trying to find shelted in a rainstorm in a sopping wet cardboard box.

So my answer is TMBTE.

3, What’s something you learned this year? What have i learned? Oh boy.. i learned a lot about myself actually. I won't go into detail because that would be long and an entirely different conversation but there was a lot of self reflection and new perspectives and methods and stuff to manage the jumble that is my mind.

I also on a pretty good track on learning both reading and writing the ST runes thanks to the ever lovely Misha @thejawsoffate. Arguably i'm far better at reading it already than writing but i'll get there one day.

I also learned that you can't really forget drawing. You need some time to warm it back up but once you did a couple of fumbling attempts the knowledge starts to take shape again. I just looked at the phone i'm using for taking pics of my drawings and it has a separate folder for just art and if i also count the tiny token pieces individually besides the small offerings, i did over a 100 pieces since the end of november which is insane to think about, especially in relation to the fact that it's safe to say that in year i have not drawn more then six pieces.

So yeah. There was stuff? Sorry for making it this long again. 🤦🏻

#levynn answers #takemetoasgard #ask game #asking game

[exhuastedpigeon]

Modern Steddie musician AU

Steve is the front man for a pop-y indie rock band, Upside Down (think Bleachers-esque music). They came out of the Chicago music scene in the mid-2010s and have released 4 critically acclaimed albums that get moderate Top-40 radio play, but mostly they own play the indie stations.

Eddie is the front man for a rock band, Hellfire. They're is known for genre crossing - their music is a mix of metal, hip hop, electronic, and sometimes pop depending on the album and Eddie's mood when he's writing (think Linkin Park-esque). They also came out of the Chicago music scene in the mid-2010s and are critical darlings who get a ton of radio play on rock stations and occasionally they break onto the Top-40 stations.

Steve and Robin founded Upside Down out of their basement apartment when they were both going to DePaul. Nancy and Jonathan were the other two founding members. Sometimes they joked that they were a modern day Fleetwood Mac, just without the drama because they had all hooked up with or dated at least one other band member (or in Nancy's case, all of them and in Steve and Jonathan's cases, everyone except Robin).

Eddie founded Hellfire in his uncle's trailer in Indiana before moving to Chicago with three of the band members, Gareth, Jeff, and Chrissy. They'd picked up a dickhead named Billy when they got to Chicago who fucking murdered on the drums and wasn't that bad once they helped him deal with some of the trauma from his shitty ass, racist, homophobic, dad.

The bands shouldn't exactly run in the same circles on paper, except they do because the music scene in Chicago is extremely supportive and collaborative. Plus, they get lumped together all the time since they both released their debut albums in 2013. Both groups are close friends, they even shared studio when recording their demos and when Upside Down got picked up, they introduced Hellfire to their record label.

Since debuting both bands had played Lollapalooza a few times. One memorable year they played the same stage back-to-back and Eddie had almost fallen off stage when he saw Steve fucking Harrington moshing during their set. And maybe Eddie stuck around for Upside Down's set and almost died when Steve took his shirt off mid-show and tossed it into the crowd (if Eddie caught it and kept it, that's his business, not yours. If Steve threw it at Eddie on purpose, no he didn't shut your mouth). Both incidents have been caught by fans and put online, spurring a small but hardcore group of "Steddie" shippers.

Both bands headline Lollapalooza in 2022, Upside Down plays Friday night, Hellfire plays Saturday night.

Upside Down brings Hellfire out during their set to play a cover of Poison's Talk Dirty to Me. He and Eddie share a mic and the internet has a meltdown when Eddie dances up on Steve, only for Steve to come back with a a kiss on Eddie's cheek and grabbing a handful of his ass (the song and dancing were Steve's idea, he was never good at subtly).

The internet has a full on meltdown. Both bands trend on Twitter, along with #Steddie and #TalkDirtyToSteve with a gif of Eddie whispering something in Steve's ear. Tumblr is full of breakdowns of the set, including body language analysis and so many gifs. The Ao3 tag for Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson had been small but mightly (463 fics) before that performance, but by Saturday morning there were almost 1500.

The next night Hellfire brings Upside Down out they play a rock-y cover of (I've Had) The Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing. The song is full sexual tension, especially because they incorporate a lot of touching into their performance. But that set really breaks the internet when the song ends and Steve says "Keep playing it" into the mic, then adds "Wanna do the movie, Baby?"

Eddie just winks before running at Steve. Steve lifts him over his head like it's easy, like Eddie isn't almost the same height as Steve, like they've done it before.

Everyone online is trying to figure out if Steve was calling Eddie 'baby' like a pet name or 'Baby' like the name of the main character in Dirty Dancing (spoiler, it's both).

There are plenty of haters and people who think it's just for show and to sell albums. The selling albums is a perk, but it wasn't the point. There really wasn't a point of it, they were just having fun.

By Sunday there are 4000 fics under their tag on Ao3 and they've been trending on Twitter for almost 48 hours. They extend that trending streak by posting a joint picture on Instagram of Steve and Eddie practicing the lift. The next slide on the Instagram post is a video of the practice, ending in a pretty un-platonic kiss.

#Steddie #Stranger Things #Stranger Things AU #modern Steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson

[barbwritesstuff]

Hi Barb! I love your work, and I was curious about how you managed to branch out into so many different areas. How did you find an artist for your visual novel? Is trad publishing as hard to break into as I feel like it is?

Sorry this isn't a super focused ask; I just find the breadth of what you've been able to do really impressive and wondered if you had any advice to share for someone looking to achieve something similar.

Sure! I love talking about what I'm doing and how I'm doing it. I think creators should be as transparent as possible, because by doing that we help each other and can avoid scammy situations.

I found an artist for my visual novel by posting here on tumblr. A really cool artist who follows me approached me and we were able to do a deal that I could afford. I'm really happy with the work they've done so far and I'm really excited to put it into the game. Finding artists isn't always easy, and I'm still fairly new to this whole commissioning thing (the first art I commissioned was the cover art for Blood Moon), but there are a lot of really good artists just hanging out online that you can approach and talk to. If they're already in your circle, then that's even better, because they'll know the sort of thing you want.

Trad publishing is super hard to break into and I have not really achieved it. I'm looking for an agent as we speak (meaning, there are unanswered emails in inboxes around the world), so hopefully I'll get lucky and will be able to talk more about this subject soon, but right now? I'm still VERY MUCH trying to figure it out. My first novel, Crying Wolf, was traditionally published but with a very small publisher that didn't require agented submissions. At the time, that seemed like a good idea. In hindsight, I don't think I would suggest small publishers. I wasn't able to sell many books through them (my royalties for that project are <400 USD over two years) and the editing process was extreme. I'm hoping my latest novel will do better and hope an agent/bigger publisher will help that happen. But... I don't know. I may never find an agent or publisher for this novel I've been working on. In which case, I'll have to rethink my strategy.

Writing is tough, and being a writer isn't easy. A lot of writers I know have outside financial support, especially when starting up. Spouses are, I'm told, very useful in this regard. I'm single, so I'm working odd jobs part time to try and make ends meet.

But I love it. I'm also getting better at it the more I do. I'm trying different things (games, etc) and that's been a great experience. I'm never going to be one of these crazy successful authors that has a breakout best seller in their twenties and never looks back... but I'm enjoying myself and slowly trying to carve out my own little space in the writing world.

I hope at least some of that makes sense.

[those70scomics]

In honor of Groundhog Day, I’m featuring my fanfic ...

Hyde’s Long Way Home [FFnet / AO3]

Summary: Hyde goes on a self-destructive bender after finding Jackie with a towel-wrapped Kelso. The day after that, he wakes up ... and it's the same day as before. He's doomed to live the same day over and over — unless he can figure out a way to live it right.

Rated: M

---

My Comments: My second fanfic, one I wasn’t going to write. I had planned to write the sequel to Reflections Through the Glass (i.e. Beneath a Shattered Sky) then stop writing fanfiction altogether.

But on a (now-defunct) That ‘70s Show fanfic message board, where I first met Prissy (aka @that70sshowgoldencouple​ / @that90sshowgoldencouple​) over ten years ago, I posted a story challenge that included the germ of the idea for Hyde’s Long Way Home.

Groundhog Day is one of my favorite movies (and I learned post-2011 that it’s based on a short film that stars Kurtwood Smith called 12:01 PM. Full circle), and I thought how interesting a fanfic might be where Hyde is the one reliving the same day. I couldn’t get the idea out of my head. On a plane trip back home, staring out the small window, the story began writing itself. I thought, “No. I can’t [allow myself to] write this. I need to be done with fanfic.”

The next thought I had was, “You have to write this.”

So I did. Or, rather, the story seemingly wrote itself.

The characters chose what they wanted to do, and I copied it down. They often surprised me -- sometimes shocked me -- with their actions, but it felt right story-wise, so I didn’t force them to behave differently. I’ve never had an easier time writing a story, and Hyde’s Long Way Home has only two drafts: the first and a revision.

Insane. Especially for me. (It needs another, but one where most readers won’t notice the changes. I do suggest downloading it for yourself in its current form if the prospect of any changes makes you feel apprehensive. But that revision isn’t going to happen for a long while yet, so you have time.)

My original title for the story was Hyde’s Do-Over. Because Fanfiction.net can’t handle hyphens in its story titles, I came up with a new title -- a much better one, in my opinion.

I posted the first chapter on June 11, 2011. Reflections Through the Glass had garnered one to three comments per chapters (when I first posted it), so I had no expectations about that for Hyde’s Long Way Home (yet).

To my surprise and delight, people were drawn into this story and engaged with it and me about it. The comments were (and still are) a lovely bonus to the enjoyment writing this story gave me. So when I posted Chapter 24: A Dark, Sunless Place, where Hyde has a huge emotional epiphany that ultimately leads to his freedom, I expected the same level of engagement.

Almost crickets. A few people commented (and thank you to them!), but I was both confused and disappointed. This was the chapter, the one I expected a lot of reader reaction for.

Nope. And it taught me not to have expectations about the T7S stories I put out. If people feel inspired enough, or simply want, to write a response in public about what I’ve written, they will. Bonus! But the joy for me is in the writing. Always in the writing.

Over the last eleven-plus years, Hyde’s Long Way Home consistently gets -- gratifyingly -- positive comments. Where the stories are posted (FFnet and AO3), on social media sites like Tumblr, and even on webpages that recommend fanfics. More importantly, the comments are from people who’ve read it for the first time or the fifth. The story has gone beyond any expectation I ever could’ve had for it. It makes people reflect about their own lives, opens them up to feelings they needed to confront, and creates positive change in their lives. What more could a writer wish for their work to do?

My thought on that airplane in 2011, “You have to write this,” was absolutely true. I had to write it for me, but I also I had to write it for others. I’m grateful for the positive impact it’s had and continues to have on people. I want my stories not only to be entertaining but to be healing in some way (even if it’s “just” to provide a mental-emotional space for someone to escape to).

So thank you, Hyde, for being such a strong presence in my skull that all I needed to do was watch and listen to you and write down what I saw and heard. And thank you to everyone who has ever written to me about Hyde’s Long Way Home and shared your thoughts, tears, and joy. Thank you.

#That 70s Show #That '70s Show #Jackie x Hyde #Steven Hyde #Jackie Burkhart #Special #Behind the Writing #Hyde's Long Way Home #Fanfic #My Meta #My Essay

[copiaslilrat]

Riding in the Shadows Behind You: Chapter 5

Eros and Copia have a spicy date night.

See the master post for Tumblr links to the other chapters. Read on AO3 here.

In addition to the weekend, Eros has Wednesdays off of work at the Ministry. When they haven’t been working, they’ve been spending almost every bit of their free time with Copia, and they feel as though things are progressing rather well between them.

Copia had been busy in meetings for the majority of today, but Eros swings by his office around lunchtime to bring him a refill of his beloved coffee and a cherry turnover (which they recently learned that this is his favorite sweet treat from the abbey’s dining hall). He had a moment to spare before returning to the onslaught of meetings, so he invited them to sit with him for a moment and chat about their plans for the evening.

“I will need to feed tonight,” Copia says as he tears off a bite of the turnover and pops it into his mouth. “If that is okay with you?”

Copia offers them a piece of the turnover, but Eros politely declines with a shake of their head. They shrug. “It’s not like I can really say no.” They offer a reassuring smile. “I really don’t mind anyway. It feels good for me, and it has the benefit of being hot as fuck.”

Copia smirks and makes a small, satisfied hum of approval. “That it does, caro.” He reaches across his desk and takes one of their hands in his, rubbing small circles on the back of it. His mismatched eyes drink in the sight of them in their casual clothes for the day; a fitted white button-down purposefully half-tucked into their trousers. Chunky boots and suspenders complete the look. “You look especially handsome today.”

They blush at his compliment and the intensity of his gaze. “Thank you.” They tilt their head playfully as they look at him as well. It may be just because every time they see him in his black cassock they usually end up taking him out of it, but it really does look good on him. Eros gives him a lopsided smile. “You’re not too bad yourself, Cardinal.”

He stands from his chair and walks over to Eros’s side, kneeling down slightly to give them a long kiss. They haven’t engaged in any sort of sexual activity since the incident in the confessional; they’ve been too occupied with getting to know each other as people and connecting moreso on an emotional level than physical. There has been a lot of kissing and needy pawing, but no sex.

Something in the way Copia is kissing them sets off a reaction in their body. Eros pulls him down across their lap so that he’s straddling them, their mouth hungry and desperate for his. Copia whimpers softly at their passion and threads his fingers through their hair, neither one separating until they’re both breathless. When they finally pull apart, Eros can feel the slight brush of his fangs on their lips, and they feel just a little satisfied that a bit of heavy kissing was enough to turn him on so strongly.

Copia cups their chin in one of his gloved hands and gazes into their eyes with a look that communicates that they are very much not done with this exchange. “I cannot wait for tonight, caro .” He exhales shakily. “I need you. In every meaning of the word.”

Eros grins and gives him another kiss, playfully nipping his lower lip before pulling back. “Then you shall have me.”

“I am tempted to bend you over my desk and have my way with you right now,” he growls. A tremor runs through their body at the thought of it. “But I think it will be that much sweeter if we save it for later, hm?”

Eros very much wants to suggest that they do both , but this would need their first time being completely intimate with each other and they have a feeling that both of them want it to be done in a comfortable environment, especially given that Copia needs to feed. Being caught having sex in his office would be a harmless offense, but if someone walked in on him with his fangs in Eros’ neck, it would create way too many problems to be worth the risk.

They respond by dropping a quick peck on his nose and smiling. “I have no issues with waiting.”

He cups their face in his hands and gives them two quick kisses. “I promise I will make it worthwhile, caro .” He tucks one of their long front strands of hair behind their ear and looks into their eyes. “Come by my chambers an hour or so after work, sí ? I need to prepare some things before you come over.”

Eros nods. “Perfect. I’ll see you then.”

With one more kiss, they rise from their chair and make to leave Copia’s office. His expression softens as he watches them exit his office. He stares at the door long after they’re gone before returning to his work with a smile on his face.

Eros is almost certain that they’re going to get laid tonight, and they want to look damn good for it.

They are no amateur when it comes to fucking. They have had many sexual partners in their lifetime, but it’s been several months since they’ve been with anyone. Ever since they were promoted to Terzo’s assistant, they’ve been losing themself in their work while trying (and succeeding) to make a good impression. The Satanic Ministry took them in when they had nothing left and the organization has been more than generous in their treatment of them, so Eros feels a sort of personal responsibility to pay them back through their dedication to their work.

But as it goes, there’s a fine line to walk between excelling at your job and having a healthy social life. Eros has never really figured out what that balance is, and as a result, it has been quite some time since they have had a proper fuck.

Since the night they stayed up late with Harlow and Rosaleth, they have started leaving their bedroom door open unless they needed the privacy to make themself more socially available. Harlowe appears in their doorway and leans against the frame, eyeing them curiously as they apply heavier-than-usually makeup.

“Well, don’t you look handsome.” She meets their eyes in the reflection of the vanity mirror. “Got a date with the Cardinal tonight?”

“Yeah. We’re just going to hang out at his place. You know.”

“That’s nice and all, but how have you not fucked each other senseless yet?” She asks, not from a place of judgement, but from curiosity. “I’ve seen how you two look at each other.”

Eros shrugs. “We’re just going slow, I guess. Feeling things out. It’s been awhile for both of us.”

“Huh. Good for you two,” Harlowe offers. She pats the doorframe with a genuine smile before pushing off of it. “I hope you have fun tonight. I look forward to hearing about the sex.”

“Wait, I never said—“

But Harlowe is already striding away, snickering to herself.

Eros decided on wearing a tailored blazer over a lacey, ribbed bodysuit tucked into a pair of trousers—all in black, of course. They made sure their hair was perfectly styled, their makeup immaculate. They even applied on a sultry, dark red lipstick that borders on black. They look as good as they feel, and they knock with confidence on the door to Copia’s chambers.

It was clear he had a similar idea in regards to dress for their meeting tonight. He looks devastatingly sharp in a fitted suit jacket with coattails and fitted trousers that show off every curve of his lower body. Eros has always heard that patience is a virtue, but surely whoever said that had been never confronted with their hot, vampiric boyfriend with whom they very much want to rip the clothes off of and fuck senseless.

Copia’s eyes rake over their body slowly, as if committing the image to memory, but then he gives them one of his signature goofy smiles and leans in to press a kiss to their lips. “Please come in. Dinner is almost ready.”

“I thought I was supposed to be dinner tonight.” Eros fakes a pout as they step inside his chambers.

“Ahh, no. You, mio caro , are dessert,” Copia purrs as he rests a hand on their cheek. He eyes drop pointedly to their lips and then their neck before sliding back to their eyes.

They’re stunned into silence at his suave delivery. He chuckles and presses a soft, lingering kiss to their lips. “You look incredible. And at the risk of ruining the mood by making another silly joke, may I say that you look good enough to eat?”

Eros snorts out a laugh and follows him into the tiny kitchenette area of his chambers. They are immediately hit with the aroma of basil, sage, and something covered in bread crumbs baking in the oven—something that smells suspiciously like one of their favorite foods. “What are you cooking? It smells divine.”

“Eh…well, I may or may not have asked Sister Harlowe about what you typically eat from the dining hall,” Copia admits sheepishly, his gaze falling to the floor of the kitchen. “She said you almost always got chicken saltimbocca, and so I wanted to make it myself. For you.”

Eros feels as if they’re about to cry. Really, how had nobody claimed this man as their own before them? They make a soft, excited noise in the back of their throat and bound into his arms, hugging him tightly around his neck. He smells smokey and warm, like burnt vanilla, the faint scent of ritual incense lingering as always. “That is so sweet of you, Copia. You’re the best.”

Copia laughs softly at their excitement and returns their hug. “Anything for you, caro .”

Still in their embrace, they mumble into his neck while trying to hold back their laughter. “Does this mean my blood is going to taste like chicken?”

He laughs again, pulling out of their embrace to look into their eyes. “If I may humor you with a serious answer, no. Each human’s blood has a unique taste. I do not know what causes this. Yours, though, is…sweet and sligtly tart. It reminds me of blackberries.” Eros notices Copia’s pupils begin to dilate as he brings a hand to his mouth and absently rubs his gums over where his fangs are growing in. He pulls his gaze away from them. “Eh, sorry. I am getting ahead of myself a bit, hm?”

“All in due time, Copia,” Eros teases, genuinely unbothered. “If anything, it’s flattering.”

He hums in thought, having wrangled in his blood lust enough to maintain eye contact again. There’s a spark of tension, and for a brief moment, the tiny, horny voice in the back of their head makes a triumphant return and wants Eros to suggest that they forgo dinner entirely and move straight into “dessert.” But their logical voice is louder. Waiting will only make it hotter when the time comes . Take it slow. Let him treat you. There’s no rush.

Eros clears their throat and turns towards the kitchenette. “Can I help set the table or, uh, anything?”

Copia blinks at them. He had been riding a similar train of thought. “Oh! Sí . Grazie for offering.” He hands them two bundles of silverware and two glasses before turning to a cabinet and opening it. “Do you like wine?”

“I do, yeah.”

Copia uncorks a bottle and passes it to them. Their hands brush as they take it. Every touch only stokes the fire building in Eros’ core, the tiny, horny voice rattling the bars of its cage. Stop it. Shush. Down boy.

“Are you okay, Eros?” Copia’s voice draws them back from the war inside their mind. “You look a bit, eh, flushed.”

Eros forces a polite smile as they continue to smack Horny Voice with an imaginary roll of newspaper. “Yeah. Totally fine. Maybe just a bit warm.”

He nods and moves to open a window. The stained glasses ones won’t budge for obvious reasons, but there is a normal window above the sink. Eros was actually comfortable, but the fresh air still feels good on their skin. “I can take your jacket as well, if you’d like?”

Oh, no. If he touches me right now… “Sure. Thanks.”

They start to slide off their blazer, but Copia walks up from behind them and does it himself. He’s not wearing gloves as he usually does, and the brush of his fingers on their bare shoulders leaves trails of fire in their wake. Copia leans over their shoulder and kisses them softly on the cheek. “Allow me .”

He walks away with their blazer to hang it on the coat rack by the door. Their eyes fixate on his ass and thighs in those tight fucking pants, the cinch of his waist in his fitted tailcoat, the soft round of his tummy hanging just slightly over the waistband. Eros takes a deep breath to steady themselves. You are behaving no better than a Victorian man glimpsing a woman’s ankles. Shush.

If Copia can sense what they’re feeling right now, he shows no indication of it. He tilts his head slightly, concern crossing his features. “Do you feel better?”

Eros nods. “I do. Thanks, Copia.”

He nods and makes a soft noise of satisfaction before turning his attention to the food in the oven. A few moments later, and a plate of pasta and prosciutto-and-sage wrapped chicken appears in front of them. Their eyes widen as the aroma of the food hits them, and they have to stifle a soft groan.

“You look like me when I am in the throes of bloodlust,” Copia teases as he pulls up a chair next to them with his own plate of food.

Eros flushes. “Sorry. I just…really like food.”

He reaches across the table and takes their hand in his. “Do not ever apologize for being yourself. You are postively adorable and perfect just the way you are.”

They smile and lean in for a quick kiss before digging into their meal. It tastes just as amazing as it smells, and Copia watches with delight as Eros devours their serving. “ Mia madre would be proud to see that her son’s cooking has made someone so happy.”

Eros leans back in their chair with their wine glass. They are curious about his parents, about his family in general, but they also understand that people do not join the Satanic MInistry because their past was full of sunshines and rainbows. This is a place for misfits and folks who no longer have ties to their blood family, whether by choice or not.

Eros knows that the Papas are all related by blood, but Copia is the one outlier. Eros has always wondered how he was he chosen to be Terzo’s successor.

Having finished his dinner as well, Copia also leans back in his chair. He takes a long drink of wine from his glass before topping off both of theirs.

“Do vampires even get drunk?” Eros asks, already slightly buzzed. He is very generous with his pouring.

Copia grins mischeviously. His eyes drop to their neck for just a moment. “Not off of alcohol.”

They suppress a soft whimper at the implication.

“Let me clean up dinner a bit, and then I think it is about time for that dessert, hm?”

Eros stands with him. “I’ll help you. I’d feel awful if you did all of the work tonight.”

Copia gently pinches their chin in between his thumb and index finger. “Let me spoil you, mio caro .”

“Hey, Copia?” They ask, their voice coming out hoarse, their breath hitched under the intensity of his gaze. The tension between them is so palpable that it could be cut with a knife.

“Hm?”

“Fuck doing the dishes.” They breathe out. “Fuck me instead.”

It was hardly their best work in regards to getting someone to sleep with them, but it seemed to be good enough for Copia.

He stares at them for just moment, letting their words sink in before his lips crash into theirs, immediately hungry with need. His hands reach up to cradle their head before knotting in their hair. He backs them up against the countertop and they stay locked in their passionate embrace for several moments before Eros pulls back slightly, panting. “Bedroom. Now.”

Copia nods eagerly. He effortlessly sweeps them into his arms in a bridal carry, earning a surprised squeak from Eros before they laugh softly and wrap their arms around his neck. They drop rough kisses along his jaw and neck for the entire journey to his bedroom before Copia deposits them onto his bed. It’s massive, much larger than anything Eros has ever laid in, the comforter and sheets made of ultra soft black satin.

Copia sheds his overcoat, letting it drop to the floor in his haste to return his mouth to Eros’. They feel his fangs against their tongue and mouth, whimpering softly at the provocative danger that they present. It’s only been a few days since the last time Copia fed from them, but they missed it, needed to feel him pull their blood from them just as desperately as he needed to drink it.

Their mouths stay locked as he sheds his pants next, and then works to carefully remove Eros’. He lets out a low growl as he runs his hands over their thighs, giving the soft flesh an investigative squeeze before leaning down to kiss them. Eros has never liked their legs—too many curves for someone who wishes they had less of them— but with the way Copia is currently worshipping their body, they find themselves not particularly minding their anatomy at the moment.

After making sure every inch of their thighs has been thoroughly appreciated, Copia returns to their torso, his hands finding the clasp of thei bodysuit around their neck. His breath is heavy, his pupils blown wide with carnal and blood lust. “May I, caro ?”

Eros nods and Copia’s hands easily undo the clasp. His touch is careful, gentle not to tear the lace as he peels off their bodysuit and discards it to the floor with the rest of their clothes, leaving them fully bare to him.

Copia’s breath hitches as his eyes roam over their body, drinking in the sight of them. He climbs onto the bed and lays next to them before pulling them into a slow, deep bout of kissing. “Do you want my touch , caro?” He murmurs against their lips after several moments.

“ Satanas , yes, I do,” they breathe out, hardly able to hold themself together.

“Is there anywhere that you do not want me?”

“Not my chest, if that’s okay.” They tense, expecting him to be disappointed as many partners in the past have been, but he simply smiles at them.

“Of course it is okay. It is your body,” his voice is dripping with lust. He kisses their forehead before whispering against their lips, “thank you for telling me .”

Eros smiles and deepens the kiss, lacing their hands through his hair, pressing their body tightly against his. Copia’s arousal is already straining against his boxers, and their hands move down to the waistband before hesitating, allowing him to stop them if he wanted to. He nods his consent and Eros tugs them off with probably far too much enthusiasm. They have seen each others’ sexes before, but not like this, not in this context. Copia easily has the largest dick they have ever seen. Their core twitches wildly at the thought of what it will feel like to have that inside of them.

“I do not even know where to start with you,” Copia purrs. “I want all of you at once. Every inch of you is perfection. You are perfect.”

“So are you, Copia,” Eros says in between slow, deep kisses as they shake their arms around his back A feeling that may or may not be something akin to love burns in their chest. The words rise to the tip of their tongue, but they can’t being themself to say it. What if it’s too soon? What if he doesn’t feel the same way?

They are distracted from their brooding as one of Copia’s hands slides down their stomach and dips in between their thighs. They spread their legs for him, and two of his fingers gently swirl their clit, causing their hips to arch into his touch as a soft moan pulls from their lips.

“Do you like being called a good boy?” He asks softly as he continues his ministrations.

They nod eagerly. “I love it. Please. ”

Copia smokes and nods. He leans down to their neck and kisses it gently before whispering against it, “You are my good boy, aren’t you, Eros?”

They whimper softly and nod, unable to form actual words. Where the fuck does he get this dominating confidence from all of the sudden?

Eros’ hand reaches down to stroke his length, but Copia gently pushes them away with a soft smile. “Do not worry about me. I want to focus on you right now.”

Before they can protest, he slides his fingers through their already-soaked folds before inserting them. They slip inside without resistance, and their walls instinctively clench around them. Copia moves slowly, agonizingly so, taking his time with them, driving them wild with need. Eros’ body arches against his hand, craving more. He pleasures Eros until they’re crying out his name repeatedly like a mantra as they come on his fingers.

Copia fucks them through their orgasm before removing his fingers and slowly, provocatively licks their slick off of them while holding eye contact. He takes in the sight of their form gasping and writhing underneath him and his cock twitches in response.

Eros pulls him down to them so that they can kiss him again. Their hand slides between his thighs, grasping at his length, which is much more hard than it was a few minutes ago. They stroke him slowly, occasionally rubbing their thumb over his slit as they work him, sending a shudder through his body each time.

“ Per favore , mio principe , I am aching for you. I need you,” Copia’s voice comes out in an almost-whimper, his head thrown back in pleasure. “I want to fuck you while I drink from you. Per favore… ”

Eros is more than happy to oblige. They release his cock and it slaps against their thigh, but Copia wastes no time lining up with their entrance and pushing himself into them. He’s aware of his size and goes slow at first, allowing Eros time to tell him if it’s too much at once. But their body accepts him eagerly, their walls tight around his girth, and he hisses in pleasure as he starts to fuck them.

Eros clasps their hands in front of their mouth to muffle the cry of pleasure that tears out of them as he fills them with each stroke, his pace still slow until they are adjusted. Their vision goes hazy around the edges from pleasure and stimulation, their hands sliding down his back and digging into his skin.

“Oh, caro , I haven’t even started with you yet,” Copia purrs. He tilts his head as his slides in and out of them at a languid pace. “Does this feel okay?”

“More than okay,” Eros gasps out in between moans. “You feel so fucking good inside of me. Unholy fuck .”

Copia speeds up slightly, smirking as they whimper in pleasure just a little louder when he does so. “Do you like it gentle? Or do you want me to be rough?”

“Gentle, for now,” they pant. “I’m still getting adjusted to you. You’re fucking massive.”

He can’t help but laugh softly at this. “It is a blessing and a curse.” He leans down and kisses them without breaking his stride. “Is it okay if I begin to feed from you, caro ?”

Eros eagerly nods their consent.

“This may feel a little intense, especially for the first time. If you need me to stop at any point, let me know, sí ? Do not worry about me; we will go as slow as you need to.”

After another eager nod, Copia leans his head down to their neck. He sinks his aching fangs into their neck, letting out a loud moan as their blood starts to trickle into his mouth. He fucks them a little harder as the blood lust starts to settle in.

Eros, for their part, is sent to what they believe must surely be Heaven. The combination of being thoroughtly filled and fucked while being fed from creates an out-of-body experience. Copia had not lied when he said it would be intense; it almost feels as though Eros was on drugs. They are completely blissed-out, their eyes closed in rapture, incapable of speaking aside from the soft whimpers escaping their throat. Their second orgasm comes quickly and suddenly, and their arms wrap around Copia as if they will fall into the earth if they don’t hold onto him.

Copia mumbles something intelligible against their neck as he continues to drink, his own release not far behind theirs. He abandons rhythm in favor of fucking into them recklessly, Eros whining from the overstimulation, their walls clenching tightly around his length. He pulls his fangs from their neck as he comes inside of them, whimpering as hot, thick ropes of cum fill their sex.

Eros is still dazed moments after he finished, too blissed out to do much more than return his gentle kisses. He pulls out of them slowly and draws them up against the warmth of his body. He has experienced this with partners in the past, where the combination of being fed from and the sex feels so incredible that it sends them into a state very much like subspace.

He gently kisses the back of their head while running their fingers through their hair and whispering sweet nothings against their ear. “Come back to me, caro . My very good boy did so well. You are safe with me.”

It takes a few moments, but slowly, Eros comes back into themself. They still feel disoriented, but they recognize what had happened and they know to focus on the feel of Copia and the sound of his voice. “I’m okay now. I’m okay.” They exhale shakily. “Satan fucking below, that was incredible.”

Copia laughs softly, mostly just relieved that they are okay. He kisses their jaw softly before nudging their cheek with his nose. “For you and me both.”

They lay there for a few more moments, their breathing slowly evening out as they recover from their respective highs. Eros rolls over to face him, their hands finding his cheeks and stroking them softly as they kiss softly, slowly, sweetly. When they pull back to look in his eyes, they can’t help it this time as the words tumble out of their mouth. “I think that I am very much in love with you, Copia.”

His eyes widen and his breath hitches in his chest, and for a moment, Eros thinks that they horribly fucked up by saying so. And then his face breaks out into a grin, his eyes sparkling with happiness. “I think that I am very much in love with you too, Eros.” He kisses them deeply before resting his forehead against theirs. “ Ti amo così tanto, mio bellissimo principe. Io sono tua.”

"E anch'io sono tuo ,” Eros responds in their very much unpracticed Italian.

Copia chuckles at their attempt. “You are adorable.”

“I’m just happy you didn’t freak out when I told you. I was worried it was too soon, maybe, but…I feel it, you know? I can’t remember the last time I felt this way about, well, anyone.”

“I suppose this makes us even when it comes to admitting things and hoping that the other does not run away?” Copia teases. “Will you stay here tonight with me? I do not want to be apart from you for a single second right now.”

Eros grins and hooks and leg around his waist, settling into his warmth. “Happily.”

They spend the rest of the night curled up in each other’s arms. They talk well into the night before Eros finds themself getting too tired to keep their eyes open.

“You should get some sleep, caro ,” Copia murmurs.

They stifle a yawn with their hand. “What about you?”

“I do not need to sleep. I can if I want to, but just like eating and drinking as a mortal would, it is not necessary for me to function as it is for you,” he explains as he runs his fingers through the short layers of hair on the back of their head. “I will sleep when you do.”

Eros nods slowly as their eyes drift shut. “Mmkay…”

Copia watches them as they drift off with a contented smile on their face, their short black hair fanned out around their head like a dark halo. Their cheeks are still rosy from the exertions of earlier and a faint sheen of sweat glistens on their skin from the moonlight pooling in from the bedside windows.

Copia has only been a vampire for a few years. It hasn’t been an easy adjustment, and there are many changes in his body that he is still trying to navigate both physically and emotionally. He had been abstaining from taking a partner mostly because he was afraid of what would happen if he lost control. He had made it this far without permanently harming anyone, but he recognizes that part of him will always be animalistic and gnawing at the bars of the enclosure he keeps it locked inside of.

He gently brushes a hand across Eros’s cheek, and their face scrunches up slightly at the intrusion of their sleep before relaxing. He smiles softly and settles into bed beside them, sated and happy and absolutely head over heels in love, for the first time in a very long time.

#copia #cardinal copia #papa iv #ghost band fanfic #cardinal copia x oc #dracopia x oc #fanfic #ghost fanfic #fluff and smut #dracopia #ghost band #ghost #ghost fandom

[whentherewerebicycles]

morning with the pups. I have a headache from crying but I bought myself a small treat (orange scone from panera) and managed to get some good work done this morning. I will be honest I feel Bad still but am trying to ground myself so I don’t spiral off into the deep despair again.

here are five small positive things:

I am being actively befriended by this very gruff middle-aged women’s studies faculty member who was on my search committee. I thought she hated me for the entire Zoom interview and the first seven hours of the campus visit but then in the last hour of the visit it suddenly became apparent that she liked me a great deal and just has a very brusque no-nonsense demeanor. we have been emailing back and forth all morning about this faculty pedagogy fellowship she’s leading and I think we are going to co-teach a couple workshops together. also we’re going to start going on walks together because we live so close. it’s nice to be befriended! and it’s nice to think about work as a place where I could build more friendships, especially with people who are there for the long haul.

my best friend lives so close to me now 😭 it was nice to break up the crying jags last night by going over to see her.

I’m genuinely excited to be an aunt. there is a lot of pain around it too and it is going to take some time to work through that but it will be so nice to have a baby in the family. also I am requesting nicely of the universe that if my brother & sister-in-law MUST have a baby before I do, please let the baby to be born on my birthday so we will have a special aunt/niece or nephew bond forever. I do not think this is too much to ask. ugh my heart hurts a lot but I am being brave about it.

last year I wrote a long letter of rec for my old boss/beloved grad advisor for this major mentoring and leadership award she was up for. she won the award and I guess they sent her the file with the letters attached. anyway she sent me a box of woolf & vita sackville-west books, a beautiful handmade glass vase, and a long letter where she said my rec letter made her cry and cry. it was really nice to hear from her—she’s been dealing with really scary long covid health issues since early 2020 and there was a period of time where she was in and out of the hospital so often with such serious issues I thought she might die. she is doing better now though and she says she’s retiring this year, which will be a huge loss to the university but I hope good for her. idk I was happy to hear from her and it was nice to get a surprise package of books (with more on the way, apparently).

oh friends. to quote that tumblr meme from the other day, they should invent a way out that isn’t through. I just don’t want to do the soul-work of trying to break down this grief and metabolize it and integrate it into my sense of self all over again. I’m just sad, you know? I’m sad and I’m tired of feeling sad, I want to feel otherwise, but it’s exhausting to think about clawing my way through these feelings again. I want to be on the other side of this experience and I thought I was there but I see now that I’m not, or maybe that the grief and painful agonizing uncertainty about future losses is going to keep surging back every time something reopens the wound. I feel like I’ve spent the past seven weeks swimming so hard for shore, and I’d finally managed to haul my exhausted self up onto the beach only for a massive tidal wave to crash down over me and pull me back out to sea. and I know it is just the start. liz will be pregnant soon and my SIL will have the baby and people in my social circles will continue to post their pregnancy announcements online and ugh. ugh. I just have this hugely selfish wish that everyone would hold off for like six more months so I could crawl a little further inland before the next wave hits. this is not a positive thing from the day but I can’t quite wrangle myself into feeling gratitude for all the good things in my life today. I think I’m just going to be treading water for a while.

#IUI tag