#edit: okay people like this one. yey!

[somestorythoughts]

So there's posts and fics with Alpha-17 as an Arc trainer.

Echo probably had to do a lot pf physical therapy/training after he was rescued. Alpha-17 from what I've picked up of the comics probably had to do the same.

So how about Alpha-17 looking at this trooper and he remembers training him and his brother, who's gone now, and knows the two of them were competent as fuck even if he's not gonna tell them that, can't let the younger vod get cocky, and he's all too familiar with grieving and recovering SO the day after Echo and the Batch land on Kamino he shows up in the training room they're using just like "come on you little shit time to get you back into shape."

And Echo just turns to Tech and goes "Maybe you should have left me in that stasis chamber."

The Batch just kinda blinks at that cause they haven't heard him joke much and Alpha-17 just goes "still a little shit. good. now get your ass over here before I have to come get you."

#arc trooper echo #bad batch echo #alpha-17 #clone wars #tbb #clone troopers #the bad batch #i just really like the idea of him helping echo regain badass status for some reason #i have neither read the comics nor seen season 7 of clone wars i just see too many posts/fics and they give me ideas #edit: okay people like this one. yey!

[rafesgiirl]

I'm not a violent dog, I don't know why I bite

summary: rafe can't control his emotions, he doesn't know how to vent, he doesn't even know what's the thing that feels inside of him, until y/n showed up

warnings: ANGST ANGST, mentions of Rafe's dead mother, cursing, mentions of ward being an absolute dick

author's note: THIS IS MY FIRST FIC 😭 I know it sucks, but I tried my best, it's based on a TikTok edit, this one, I hope you like it 😭😭.

word count: around 2000

ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE

rafe cameron has always been seen as an aggressive person, as the one who 'handles the business', as that drug addict kid, as the one who killed sheriff peterkin, the one who had the guts to drown his sister.

few knew the backstory, and those who did... didn't even care.

"rafe cameron is bad" "rafe cameron is aggressive" "rafe cameron is crazy"... what rafe cameron really was was a broken kid, but no one seemed to notice it.

that day everything changed, that day he met the girl of his dreams, pretty face and nice body, a smile to die for, her long eyelashes...

her name was y/n y/l/n, she was a beautiful girl, that anyone would drool over.

"uh.... hi... are you— are you new?" he asked the bright-eyed girl.

"oh! hi! yes, I'm new over here" she laughed, a laugh that could stop wars if only they could hear it. “my name is y/n y/l/n, what is yours?” y/n looked directly into his eyes, as if she was searching for something, he felt intimidated, he felt as if she could see right through him.

“rafe…, ‘s nice to meet ya’” the tone of his voice making clear that he was uncomfortable.

“rafe? that's a beautiful name, it suits you so well!”

“thanks..” he furrowed his brows, who was this girl and why was she so captivating?

“oh! wait! rafe? like in Rafe Cameron???”

shit, she knew who he was, she was probably going to say all the bullshit that he didn't need to hear, but before he even had the chance to walk away, she started rambling.

“oh lord! I can't believe it! your family owns Cameron developments right?? oh god my dad ‘s super friend of yours! that means that we could be friends too, right rafe??” those words slipped from her mouth before she could notice she covered her mouth with her hands and then she giggled. “‘m sorry rafe”

his gaze softened at this girl, she was too sweet, almost innocent. he took a deep breath and smiles softly at her.

“no, ‘s fine, we could be friends… yeah— if you want to, yeah?”

“yey!” was the only thing before she squealed and went away giggling and running.

that girl… that girl had something, something that intrigued rafe.

some months passed by, he and she got along really nice, their families often got together so it made it easier for them to develop a friendship.

y/n and rafe got along just well, hanging out, partying together, laughing and smiling... something that he believed that would end up so wrong. after all, he was rafe fucking cameron, the one and only, he was aggressive, he was a dumbass, he just wanted to snort coke and fight with people, he didn't know better… right?

y/n knew about rafe's problems, about his drug addiction, anger issues, daddy issues, he wanted to be the man, because he didn't he feel heard enough, he needed to shine, but the only thing he did, was screw things up with people.

"y/n are you awake?"

his dark voice sounded in her ear as she picked up the call.

"mhm, is everything alright?" she just woke up, it was 3 in the fucking morning, what does he want?

"just wanted to thank you, do you think I could take you.. uh to The Druthers sometime and.. y'know— hang out, tan together, or play uno?"

"rafe? are you okay? why are you saying this now? it's 3am"

"I'm conscious of that, sweetheart" she could hear laughs on the phone.

"rafe.. are you high?"

"uhm— no, no.. I'm not"

"yeah... well, we'll talk about 'going to The Druthers sometime' okay?"

"yeah, sure" he says with a scoff

"I'm being serious, it's 3 in the fucking morning and I'm really tired, talk to you later, yeah?"

silence invaded the call.

"yeah, sure, the only thing you're going to do later is tell me off for not being at my house, and probably also for being drugged, but who the hell cares? no one, y/n, to no one"

"rafe, stop it"

"yeah, because no one gives a single fuck about me, Sarah? she hates me for— for trying to protect what's mine. my dad?" his voice cracks "he hates me, Sarah is the golden child, what am I to him??"

y/n took a deep breath.

"rafe cameron, the kook prince, the most wanted boy in the outer banks, are you seriously saying this to me??" she giggles "Sarah is stupid, the only thing she has in mind is the fucking gold for the fucking Pogues, so ignore that shit, and your father..." her voice trails off "but people do care about you, what about Topper? or Kelce?"

"and you?" he asks.

"me?"

"yeah— yeah shit, you, do you care about me?"

"why do you ask?"

rafe stays silent, once again "b-because I want to know if you care about me, can you fucking answer?"

"yes"

rafe sighs in relief.

"of course I care about you, you dumbass, I wouldn't be in this call if I didn't care"

"you wanted to leave"

"yes, because it's 3am rafe, please" she laughs again, provoking a laugh from him too.

"yeah" he laughs "it's true, I'll go home now, rest good, yeah?"

"mhm, okay rafe, love you"

"what— what the fuck did you just say?"

she laughs once again "I love you, dummy, be safe, yeah?"

"yeah— yeah, bye"

the call ended.

the next day, they were in The Druthers, she was sitting and looking at the sea, he was laying on her lap, letting her play with the locks of his dirty blonde hair.

"y/n?" rafe said really softly.

"yes rafe?"

"thanks"

she looks down at him "for?"

"for loving me"

"damn Rafe, you're doing it wrong.. come here" she helps him sit and she embraces him.

"you help me a fucking lot, y/n and I really want to thank you" he sounded SO pussy whipped, but he didn't care

"I don't do anything, Rafey, it's okay, yeah?"

"I.. damn.. I sometimes feel things in my insides and— and— I just don't know how to fuckin' control 'em, you got me?"

"yes, I understand, what kind of things do you feel?" she said removing her sunglasses from her nose, to put them next to the blonde.

"I don't feel anger, it's a weird feeling, it's more like.." and he goes quiet.

he starts gesturing things with his hands, only provoking a giggle on her.

"don't laugh, I'm— I'm being serious, you spoiled thing"

"I just feel rage, I feel sadness.. I don't feel anger" he says, his baby blue eyes locked with hers, he lays now on his back, looking at the sky, becoming silent.

"I... sometimes think about my mother, and how disappointed would she be if she discovered who I am right now. that I'm not that small child full of giggles and smiles, now I'm.." his voice trails off as he sits, giving her back to her, his voice obviously cracking just at the thought of his mother.

"rafe.." she says, furrowing her brows in worry and placing a small hand on the back of his shoulder.

"my friends think I like to fight." he takes a pause, inhaling deeply "but it's just not true— I mean, yeah, sometimes I lose my temper and blow off a little steam. but I never enjoyed it"

he wipes one of the tears threatening to fall, and he gulps.

"I'm not a violent dog." he turns to face her, his eyes full of tears.

"I don't know why I bite..."

her eyes were sad, looking at him, she was genuinely worried about him, she just embraced him and let him cry on her shoulder.

"they don't deserve you, rafe, they don't..." y/n says with all the delicacy in the world.

"you're too much for them, you're kind and smart, and... you're beautiful, in your insides.."

"I'm sure your mother understands you, your father doesn't because he's messed up in the fucking head, but I understand you, rafe"

rafe looks at her, frowning and looking at her in disbelief "how can you even understand me, how can you even love me, huh??"

"I just do, your heart.. your heart says things that your mouth doesn't, I know your looks, rafe, when you boil, you're not angry... the sadness turns to aggressiveness"

"you can't say that, you don't know me like I know myself" he says again in a broken voice.

"I could try to know you if you wanted me to" she adds with a smile.

he looks at her in disbelief, still frowning "what if I hurt you? like I hurted Sarah, or Wheezie that time when I grabbed her arm and left bruises on her arm for a week” he starts to ramble.

“shh, rafe, it's okay, you won't hurt me, I want to do this, I want to be there for you”

“I don't understand why”

“because I love you” she says quietly, slowly leaning to take his hand.

“I love you, rafe Cameron”

the tears in his eyes disappeared and then they turned even brighter, he smiles and nods.

“I— I love you too y/n”

#my first fic #im so sorry lol #rafe fic #rafe cameron #angst #rafe x reader #rafe angst #yn

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

Bedrooms and Hallways(1998)-Watching Con O'Neill's old stuff cause it's fun. Day #?

Bedrooms and Hallways

Here we are!

Once again, consuming media I would have otherwise never watched for one guy. As always thoughts at the end.

Warnings: I can't find any official ones but- any genitals are covered by a blanket, knee, or just blurred in the background. Referenced masturbation. Post-coital/foreplay activities. Fighting. Two men making out, generally just friends encouraging their friend to get laid. Don't watch in front of the family. 90s-era comedy, biphobia might be an issue, but that might just depend on the viewer.

Life Update: Just turned 21 yesterday, didn't do anything fun (I've never drank and don't really want to), but rewatched OFMD yesterday for the first time in months with the brother. I just had a good day. This movie has a guy leaving his 'fun' twenties to live his more serious adult life. Accidentally fitting :)

As always I'd love to thank everyone who reads this. The usual suspects, those who've given me notes, and the blogs I love to see who have posted about this movie<3 Y'all make my year just that bit brighter. If you haven't seen this movie, I've also got Con photos here from the movie. So there's that. :)

@mossiestpiglet @thedowneyheart @harryduboisfathog @downinthehull @dianetastesmetal @ivegotnonameidea @gydima @treesofgreen @jaysfandomcorner @joestrummen

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

30? Lovely. Celebrate a bit!

"THE BOYS COME BACK" Yey! 

Oh I love this. CON!!! 

Give that man a surprise party, he's literally asking for one. 

God, Love that our protagonist has a support system. 

God where the fuck are they at, this is a giant apartment. 

I know a few recognizable faces are in this, but I will need to IMDB everyone 

Protagonist being awkward around everyone at his own suprise party is very sweet.

Yeah, they threw a party just to throw a party, but still. Try to have fun.  

Well, I'd love to see more of Con's guy. 

Bro's working on coming out a bit? Good for him. 

IS THAT HUGO WEAVING? ELROND? V? What the fuck??!?! Oh, I'm in for a good time.

Hell yeah, a suit kink is standard. OH HE FUCKS PEOPLE IN HOUSES THAT ARN'T SOLD YET?!?!? That feels illegal in a way. 

Okay, if your going to do something like this, check the upstairs before you fuck.

I'm into the editing, fun and snappy. 

Ha! The way Leo(protagonist) gossips to everyone. 

(talking to coworker)Bro, just communicate in a relationship, seriously. Why do straight men in media just assume relationships are getting complemented every once in a while.

I need straight friends like this. 

I'm concerned with the phrase men's group. 

I've gotten a few chuckles out already. 

I think they're a fun older straight couple. (Men's group.)

Oh, was the first few minutes a jump forward? Lovely. 

CON! TERRY!

God, I want his wardrobe. 

"You sat in a room with straight men and talked about your feelings?" True, I'd be surprised as well. 

Your friend is more Fem presenting and has probably been harassed most of his life. He's found a nice inner circle, don't bash him.

Does this man with a rough voice that washes over you happen to be named Terry? It's not, but what if. 

(Realtor showing a house) Babe, it's housing, it's never really positive. 

"Don't stop now I was just getting moist!" Haaahhaa

(Cut to the men's group) THE HONESTY STONE! I NEED TO DO THIS IN A FIC.

What the fuck is going on here?

"Support his head in a loving way"? 

(guy clearly lying on the ground pretending to be having an exorcism)Me too guy, this is a lot.

I….I want to be in the lady's room. I know why this character is doing this. If he makes a big show of it, he doesn't need to actually genuinely open up.

CON COVERING HIS MOUTH SO HE DOESNT LAUGH

Love that they sat for hours letting this guy go off. 

Leo's turn. "I find a member of the group attractive." (That member being Brenden) WOAH. Babe, bold. This just feels like an easy way to get beat up.

Terry, I have questions. Mainly, how are you swinging babe? I love that he's supportive of Leo coming out almost immediately, if hesitant. 

"He's alright." TERRY YOU BITCH

Call me a prude, I don't think I'd fuck in a pool. 

I love that we see how much these houses cost. 

I also love how supportive his friend is here with this crush. 

I swear if someone dies I'm going to lose my shit. 

SAUNA

OH GOOD LORD! Gender? Envy.

(Then we move on into the women's club's room for a usual meeting. The men all wearing white robes. Terry opens the scene by saying he has a big announcement.)

HELL YEAH TERRY!

IS HE ALSO QUEER?

THE HARPOON?

(Terry, hesitantly, admitting that he jacked off to a magazine filled with men) HELL YEAH TERRY!

GOOD FOR YOU TERRY! (IM ASSUMING) BISEXUAL ICON!

FUCKING YEAH! GOOD ON YOU MAN. 

As someone who also found out about themselves after someone close came out to them. Awww. It's just very sweet. 

God I love terry talking to the women's group leader "cause we've made a mess of it, us men, haven't we." ICON

The drama. Oh, Brenden is a closet case. And Terry, THE GUY WHO JUST HAD THE BALLS TO COME OUT is hitting on HIS man. 

Imagine making a men's support group that turns into a dating agency

Don't be mean to Terry, Brenden. Terry is mean enough to himself. Have you looked at him?

OHHH GET IT TERRY! MAKE BRENDEN JEALOUS! 

HAHAHAHAH HE READ JANE AUSTEN! Rude, but yeah, that shit can be a slog to read.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST…wait…oh my god. Darren fucking Mr. Collins. That's how I recognize him! OH MY GOD. That was years after this!!!! WTF!?!?!?

OH MY LORD SHORT SHORTS TERRY YOU FIEND. I see the fifth-dimensional chess going on here.

You won't be hunting shit. It's a public forest in England. Order takeout.

How the fuck did they actually catch a rabbit.

Oh, Terry you pathetic little guy. Trapped in a bush.

Terry. 0. Bush 1. Awww he had to change outfits :(.

Yeah, there you go babes. Order food like men. 

Don't dance that close to the fire, also, taking his shirt off is a good move. 10/10.

Brenden, why are you like this. Crawling into his tent, I see you. 

Seriously? Terry walks into camp and thinks he sees the shadows of the two of them(Leo and Brenden) fucking? Just like Ed&Stede with the sword incident. Making Terry jealous and defensive? Great. Love it. 

God Terry's outfits are all looks, sassy bitch, I love it 

Ohh shit. Terry's jealous. 

OHH SHIT! GET HIM TERRY! GET HIS ASS.

(In the car, driving home) AWWWW Terry says he's not ready for hugs yet but in the opening, we saw him hug Leo. :) That's so fucking GOOD. AHH

Oh, we've all had that straight crush we wished was gay. 

So did they actually fuck? Or... 

Terry's fucking side-eye. He's probably happy he gets to flip the script a bit here on Leo with the whole sexuality exploration. 

This isn't going to go well for Leo. 

Obviously respect where people are at, don't force gay people to prove that they aren't just faking it but still. Weird. 

(The roommate trying to 'test' if he likes women) HAHAHHAHAA I love them. This is weird but he doesn't seem too uncomfortable with it. 

(Skipped a few scenes, but Leo and Brenden definately fuck)

Awww Leo's chasing after him to make sure you get his number is cute. AWWWW. 

They're flirting is so fun. Love banter=flirting

Oh does she think she's cheating on him with another woman?

OH HE'S TOTALLY CHEATING THAT'S FUCKED UP. 

Oh God, they know each other. Brenden is dead. Murdered. 

The way that Darren ran over to hear the gossip! HOLY SHIT!

OH SHIT, THE WAY HE'S TRYING TO COVER FOR HIM, DAMN

Okay, he's not cheating, he's actually broken up here. Good. 

No, that's totally a relationship on pause. Good on him for trying to clarify where Brenden is at before pushing it further.

Good on the married couple that runs the groups. "I love being a woman, not because of you, because of me."

Terry do you want to fuck Brennan. That's definitely a look you're giving him. 

Awww! Baby Queers unite!  "Does it hurt?" "You get used to it after a while..." Terry squeezes the pillow tighter "Excellent." Ahh! Love it. 

"*Gong* I've Got something but it's not homosexual so I don't know If you'll be interested" hmm….we'll see John. You're on a tight rope.

I love this therapist guy. Damn. If John's going to be like that, he can just leave.

Leo. Babe, bisexual. The word we're looking for is Bisexual. 

"You are a strawberry blonde. You can't go out with an ash blonde." Me looking at my blond x brunette ship list.

Handcuffs= they're going to get caught. 

(Darren gets caught getting fucked in the girlfriends house, then needs to tell Leo, cause YEAH) "If I'd done something really, really, really, bad…"Ahahahahha Callback

God, I hope everyone pairs up with someone. Especially Terry-

"Why am I always the one waiting for everyone to sort themselves out?" Me too babe

CONFRONT HIM AT WORK. GREAT IDEA. 

THROUPLE, I vote throuple. 2 people have issues communicating, but it could work. 

SHE KNEW, AND DOESN'T WANT HIM BACK. GOOD ON HER

Darren, please put down the knife. You are going to hurt yourself. 

Cut to the party back at the beginning. 

OH GOOD FUCKING GOD. Go hang out with your friends, babe. 

Terry stay away from Brenden. He's has a bad vibe. Also, Glowup! The white coat, the shirt! God. I want his gender.  

Three is a throuple and 2 members here are too irresponsible to manage it. 

Good on her for setting boundaries though. 

The whole kissing friends thing is so weird. 

HA! THE WHOLE WOMENS GROUP IS ALSO SHADES OF QUEER! AHHHH! The older straight couple just loves the gossip. 

Oh, Elrond wants to fuck. Well, at least you tried mate. Good on Darren for trying to stand up for himself, the guy wants a bit of romance. 

OHHHH SHIT! TERRY'S CHEWING HIM OUT!!!!

GET HIM TERRY! CHEW BRENDEN OUT! YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE THIS FIGHT! BUT I WANT IT! 

Oh they absolutely need to fuck, the sheer hatred emanating off of them alone. LOOK AT IT

The two Blondes unaware two idiots about to fight in the backyard. 

God, i actually like/care for all of these couples, it's sweet

1 PUNCH IS ALL IT TOOK. The nose is his weak spot. 

ONCE AGAIN HE'S SAD BLOODY AND PATHETIC

OH MY GOD. Brenden is actually using his pickup line on Terry? OH GOD. 

HAHAHA HIS LOOK TO THE HEAVENS AND QUIET 'YES!' Hopefully they can make it work. But with Brenden back to living with her, who knows. 

Well, another year. Everyone paired off. Leo is letting himself find joy where ever he can find it. Both roommates are getting laid. Good, happy, movie. 

Yeah, that 'hope it's just a phase' joke isn't great.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Bisexuality: This film goes into the whole 'are you truly a gay', thing. Overall it ends up with three characters who thought they were one way, realizing they were more fluid than they thought(Leo, Darren, and Terry). Just kind of a fun character exploration film. I'm looking at it in a modern sense. Darren(gay roomate) clings to his identity to find a community whereas Leo feels no need to define it. Both aren't inherently wrong, just different ways of living a life. Personally defining a label wasn't for me, so eh, I get both sides. It was the 90s when this came out and for the time, idk. Sexual fluidity feels revolutionary. I think the point of the movie is, to explore and live your life? I'd love to know how any bisexuals who read this feel about it.

Con: 10/10 God I fucking loved Terry. 

Seeing someone essentially having my same life experience coming out was funny (exploring the idea of being queer after a friend comes out, realizing you have a crush on that friend, but oh shit, crush has already shacked up with a friend in the group). He's such a fucking sweet asshole. Asking for genuine advice, smiling, standing up for a friend. Sure, he wanted to fuck Leo, but he's still someone Leo can trust. I want to rank all of the Con characters based on how alike they are to Izzy. Cause Terry is up there. He's so pathetic, in such a fun way. 

AND GOD HIS OUTFIT CHANGES!

I noticed it in the movie but didn't want to just briefly bring it up to a point, but god it's so good!

The way he naturally relaxes into clothing that just fits his fun personality more. THE SHORTS! After the man comes out, he realizes he wants to fuck Leo, then shows off his legs in shorts! Genius Idea. Beautiful. Then his outfit gets ruined in bushes. GOD. By the end of the movie he settles into a good mix of relaxed and macho. He wears what he's comfortable with and isn't as closed off. It's sweet. 

I am not over Con playing the jealous 3rd in a 2 person relationship. I literally rewatched OFMD yesterday for my birthday. These are very similar people. I love it so much guys. I did this thinking this would help me write Izzy, which it has, but god. I'm just so glad I did to see more queer media.

Everyone else 8/10: Darren grew on me like a leach. His version of Queerness opening up to romance, and legit trying to manage that was sweet. Branden was a 50/50 for me, I had bad vibes with him in the beginning and he never really grew on me. I actually hated Daren's main squeeze, too off putting seeing him here. Loved his other roomie, and the therapist/leader the men's group.  

Story 6-7/10: I liked the ending. This weird year wrapped up and Leo ready to look into his future. With a new, wider, weirder support system filled with more people expressing their Queerness in different ways. I liked it ignoring the 90s comedy beats, weird editing, music. This was just a fun story that ignored the real world for a bit.

Overall: 7-8/10. Personally, I recommend it with caveats. Weird 'we need to separate hetero and homo' stuff, and weird humor definitely from the 90s. I did like 90% of the characters though, and this was a long movie that kept me engaged the whole time. Which is something I can't say about some of Con's other stuff. Again, I'm heavily leaning to one side of the Kinsey scale. I can't imagine how insulting this movie could be if I was more center-leaning. Love to hear yall's thoughts down below <3 I love chatting with yall.

(Also, if I didn't recognize anyone else famous, please yell at me)

(Ranking based on Character/Performance, not on project itself)

I've decided that I will add his mini projects/tv appearances eventually. Pie in the Sky needs to get on there For Sure. Next up, I am actually watching the first half of Real Women, S2 eps1-4.

(Fun aside. I put all of Con's characters into the Hunger games generator, including the characters I hadn't seen yet. Terry came out victorious! Killing off Angel and Mogh personally. This set expectations high, and I'm glad he met them.)

Have an amazing week yall!

#Con's Conography #con oneill #con o’neill #Bedrooms and Hallways #Bedrooms and Hallways (1998)

[golden-holland]

turning 21

I decided to reread the one I did when I turned 20 and apparently I also wrote it on the 31... I guess that some things just don't change? I had an exam on the 22 (which I passed! yey!) and then my brother arrived the next day and then christmas and... life. so. that's why im writing this 16 days later. 

for my birthday I went to an Italian restaurant with my friends and I had a great time. they all wrote me letters which I read today (yeah, very late, I know.) and then I passed my final exam which was a very important milestone for me. but now, today, New Years, my father is in the hospital.

This year has been so hard. I guess that i finally digested the conclusion that its either a father with cancer or no father. it was so hard. I really spiraled when I finally realized that. I always thought about cancer as a thing of “right now” that we just have to deal with and then it will be over. but it won't. or it won't until my dad's death. Its been so hard feeling like you have to be strong for your family but wanting to cry all day.

I made a lot of friends at uni! finally! I went to classes, like, to the university, and it was great. at the begging I was very nervous but then I got more and more comfortable. I now have a group of four including me and friends from other grades as well. its ben nice. I like uni. I also made friends at my French classes. I've met people from other countries in my French classes and I loved that. I also started taking Croatian classes with my mom this year and that's been great. I think I would like to visit Croatia to study the language. 

this year I started watching the owl house which became one of my favorite shows and I rewatched avatar the last Airbender (im still on season three though!). I watched many movies this year. more than ever I think. I love movies. I think I would like to make one. apparently I've watched 138 movies this year... wow. My favorite movie is still Before Sunrise. it also HAD to be the last one I watched this year. I love it. so. much. it was the movie that really got me into movies. 

im still doing therapy and my therapist suggested medication for depression. I didn't take it. mainly because I don't want my mom to know that im not doing as well. she has to go through so much, and I think I can still manage. if things don't get better I might take the offer next year I think, but for now im doing what I can.

I've been recording my year, though not as much as I recorded when I was at school. when my dad got sick I stopped recording a lot (and I also started spending less time with my friends as well). i think I would like to edit my videos. I think I would like a videocamera, but they are so expensive.

my phrase this whole year was “im tired” and I hope that that changes next year, especially taking into account that I will be taking more classes and such. I also hope my father's illness will go into recession. I hope he doesn't have to be hospitalized more times and I want him to be happy. today I visited him in the hospital (because they won't let you have more than one visitor at a time) and he looked so... weak. I wish I could share with him my strength, make him feel better. but I can't. his birthday is in a few days but I don't know if he will be out by then. My parents said we could celebrate New Years after he gets discharged, since every day in 2023 will still be 2023 and we are the ones who decide when and how we celebrate. today im celebrating with my brother and my godmother (bless her.)

I knew my father had to get the nasogastric tube, but for some reason I didn't imagine that I was going to spend New Years without him. I don't know how many I've got left, and I really wanted this one. but I couldn't say that, so I said it was okay for us to celebrate on another day. He has to remain in the hospital to make sure he's fine, and apparently his chemo isn't working so he has to try another scheme, with another drug that might make him lose his hair. and im not worried about the hair, but about how he sees himself. it makes him so sad when people dont recognize him.

even with all this depression I would in a heartbeat volunteer to absorb his sadness if I could.

I have realized that when people my age say “I don't understand your situation...” instead of making me jealous or angry, it now only makes me happy. Like, im so happy you don't know what its like to have a parent with cancer. im so happy you don't have to go through everything that comes with this illness. I guess, as time goes by, I get more and more used to this illness and its impact. I don't know that ill ever be okay with it, but. I want inner peace. 

I really do.

20 year old me, you had a tough year and you did what you could. and im so fucking proud of you. 

#turning 21 #Sagittarius #21

[persephonescat]

Birds and Other Supernatural Phenomenons

New chapter??? Already??? Yeah, don't get used to it, I have so many exams this week (and the next one too), that I think I'm gonna just straight up die. So naturally, I'm procrastinating. Yey.

(This wasn't edited nearly as much as any of the other chapters, even though I wrote at least ten different opening scenes for it. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.) And apparently, my aesthetic is writing Gotham's weather. I have no idea how that happened.

Warning for violence!

Ch. 1    Previous    Next    Masterpost    AO3 

________________

Ch. 7: Light and Darkness

Life sucks.

Sometimes, she stared into the darkest abyss and even the mere existence of it terrified her. Other times, she looked back at her life and thought, "the abyss would be pretty comfortable, after all".

She didn't know when her life turned into a cheap video-tape. The sounds were distorted, and the protagonist was horrible, but she kept watching it anyway.

***

The rain was flooding the gray streets of Gotham. The streetlights were dimmed by the thick curtain of dust and fog. Neon billboards flickered over shops, the cars sprinkled dirty water on the few pedestrians who didn't run from the weather as if it was the plague.

The rain disturbed Marinette's senses. Dick's quiet swearing was oppressed by the deafening sound of dropping water and shrieking vehicles. There were too many smells. Her vision was blurry, her red raincoat didn't protect her from getting soaking wet. She put her insensate hands in her pockets to keep them from shaking violently, but it still took all her self-control to keep herself together.

"'You okay?" Dick shouted on her right side, giving up the fight with the umbrella she gave him and settling for a small coverage over his face.

"Yes," shouted back Marinette, but her voice was lost in the downpour. 

"We're almost there!" He tucked the girl a little closer and tried to get the umbrella to protect her.

"I know," she muttered even though there was no way he could've heard her.

The buildings were closing over their heads, merging with the dark clouds. A car passed beside them, and Marinette screwed her eyes shut. It was too loud.

"Marinette?" she heard a familiar voice say. Suddenly, it was easier to breathe.

"Adrien?"

"God, are you okay? I've been looking for you." She could finally see him in his large, black raincoat, rushing towards her with an umbrella.

"Sure," she muttered, hoping her voice didn't tremble from the cold. She was grateful that he spoke in English instead of French, it would've been considerably harder for her to keep her cover otherwise.

Adrien stood next to her, holding the umbrella over her head. He only then seemed to notice the man on her side, and she wondered if he was just pretending to be normal or if he really didn't pay attention.

"Hi! Who are you?" he asked Dick kindly, but Marinette could hear the wariness in it.

"Umm..." Dick seemed to be lost in thought for a second before he answered. "Hi. My name is Dick. You are Marinette's classmate, right?"

"Yes, I am." He paused and smiled politely. "I think we should go, it's very cold out here." He was waiting for Marinette to agree, but she didn't say anything.

"Of course. I've to go too, I'm really late for work," Dick said, glancing at the Wayne Tower. "Thanks for the umbrella," he smirked one last time before shoving the dripping object into Adrien's hand and making a run for the tower. They both stared at him as he cut his way through the rain.

"Come on, let's get you to somewhere warm," said Adrien, finally turning to her. "Can I touch you?"

A few years ago, Marinette told him how uncomfortable she felt sometimes when people touched her. Since then, he always asked for her permission, especially when she was in a bad mood. She had a strong urge to roll her eyes dramatically every time he did it. It was so... Adrien of him. He always respected people's boundaries. Maybe that's why he didn't fight his father. 

The guilt was climbing up inside Marinette's throat as she remembered her investigation on Hawkmoth. Half a year ago, she started suspecting it was Gabriel Agreste, but she said nothing. Now she was almost sure and still didn't tell anyone. Not even Master Fu. She knew that if something happened to her, Tikki would tell him what he needed to know. If for some reason - Marinette didn't even want to think about that, - she couldn't, she had at least four different ways to make the guardian know.

She looked at Adrien. He seemed to be happy. His years as Chat Noir made him more confident. He was a lot like Chat now, just like how she was more and more like Ladybug. Psychologically, it was fascinating. In practice, it terrified her sometimes.

Instead of answering, she hugged Adrien's waist with one arm as they walked to the nearest diner.

***

After some getting some hot cocoa and warm food, - they both knew Marinette was not the best at eating healthily and regularly, he sat down beside her and put her freezing hands between his, warming them up. She gave him a grateful half-smile.

"Next time you decide to disappear, you could really send me a text or something. I tend to check the weather forecast, unlike some people," he said. "Why did you have a raincoat and an umbrella on you anyway?"

Marinette was starting to feel her hands again, and her mind was no longer screaming from confusion.

"I tend to come prepared, unlike some people, who constantly forget to bring a toothbrush to trips," she said mockingly.

"I mean, I don't do that constantly," he protested.

"Every. Single. Time," she told him. "I think I actually brought two spares, just in case."

"Nah, I'm good, Nino brought one for me too," he muttered, avoiding her gaze. Marinette snorted.

***

The teachers gave them the afternoon off again. The rain stopped around noon and Gotham was swimming in sunlight. The wet streets were glimmering as the light touched the asphalt, people slowly poked their heads out of their homes, a few annoyed cats were roaming around, showing off their wonderfully dry pelage.

Marinette walked slowly, admiring the sky-high buildings and silently memorizing all the shops and alleys she went by. There was a chance she was going to forget most of it by tomorrow, and once again, she cursed her brain for needing so much sleep.

St. Anthony Street was not a pretty view. Thanks to the rain, Joanne's blood was painting small, brownish-red veins on the concrete. The original red puddle was still visible, and even though it faded a lot, it was big.

Near the large, rust-colored spot, there was a smaller one. 'Must be where her hand fell next to her side,' Marinette realized. That would mean the girl entered the street from where Marinette stood, the attacker jumped at her almost immediately, and she fell backwards. The paper said the wounds were on her chest and torso, so she must've landed on her back, then the attacker stabbed her twelve times and took the murder weapon with them. Marinette could replay the scene in her mind.

Joanne must've been in a hurry because she doesn't notice someone already waiting for her. The attacker grabs her hands to keep her from escaping and knocks her back. Then they get their knife out and Joanne screams, but nobody bothers to check what's wrong. The attacker stabs her again and again. At some point, the girl is conscious enough to touch her bloody T-shirt and try applying pressure on a wound. It doesn't matter. Then her hands fall to her sides, her bloody palm leaving a mark on the asphalt, and the murderer finally stands up, looking at the body in front of their eyes. They're panting heavily. They leave with the knife, their clothes sprayed with blood.

Twelve stab-wounds would clearly state it was personal, but when it comes to hate crimes like this, it's usually pretty obvious who did it. Not many people have enemies capable of something like this.

There were multiple faults in her version of the events. 

She walked around the dark spot slowly, hundreds of ideas crossing her mind, most of them faulty and unusable. 

She rubbed her face frustratedly. If she wanted to make something out of this, she needed to sleep first.

She took off her red backpack with the black-and-white apple blossoms she made a few years prior - when she realized that the lock pick set, the handbooks, the Swiss Army Knife, the skein, scissors and needles, her not-so-secret green tea stash, the matches, her phone and the small army of power banks she always carried with her didn't fit her old purse anymore, not to mention Tikki and her cookies. 

She took out the thermostat of coffee she got on the way back with Dick and drank half of it in one gulp. Now that she was thinking about it, she might've liked coffee after all. Tikki and Kaalki both frowned at her in perfect sync inside the bag but given they were in the middle of the street, they didn't say anything.

Marinette checked the time and decided to stick around for a little more. She was wandering the block slowly, noting all the broken doors and windows on the way.

She was examining St. Anthony Street for the fourth time when she noticed something in the few threads of grass sticking out where the road and the pavement met. She went closer.

For a moment, she thought it was a wrapper or a piece of plastic, but as she took it between her gloved fingers, she realized it was a small, round wooden-bead painted ultramarine blue. 

Three days passed since the incident. Anyone could've lost a single bead since then. Actually, it might've been there for weeks, but she still slipped it into her pocket before going back to the Wayne Tower.

________________

Comments are like macarons: fun. They're fun. That's it. I'm tired. Please share your thoughts!

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@northernbluetongue @vgirl-10123 @theatreandcomicfreak @interobanginyourmom @crazylittlemunchkin @zerotosiki @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @my-name-is-michell @shreky-boi @coltaire @panda3506

#Birds and Other Supernatural Phenomenons #damari #maribat #Light and Darkness #damiette #daminette #marinette x damian #damian x marinette #marinette dupain-cheng #damian wayne #dcu #mlb #fanfiction #batman #writerblr

[siwicki-zodiac]

meeting siwicki (and the squad)

————————————————————

Andrew Siwicki x reader

Warning: it’s fluffyyyy

————————————————————

Y/n was excited to say the least.

She had met Morgan on a trip to Hawaii a few months ago, and they unintentionally had become extremely close during the 2 weeks she was on the island. They run into each other at a coffee shop while Morgan was editing her vlog, and y/n decided to go over to her and tell her how much she loved her videos and the rest of the squad.

When Morgan returned home to Shane, Ryland, the dogs and Cheeto, she mentioned her new friend and how cool and fun to hang out with she was. She talked about all of their adventures, showed pictures of the two of them, and even mentioned that y/n would be going to LA in two weeks for one of her friend's birthday party.

After those two weeks, y/n arrived to LA for the first time ever, and smiled widely as she saw Morgan waiting for her at the airport. Her friend was only turning 21 in 10 days, so she had that whole time to spend it with her now best friend.

"Girlyyyy, I can't believe you are in LA for the first time!" Morgan said as they hugged tightly before making their way to her car.

"I am honestly so excited to be here, I can't believe it. Anyways, where are you taking me?" y/n asked curiously as they got into the car after putting all of her bags inside the truck.

The truth is that they had no plan. The two young girls had decided to meet up at the airport and spent those 10 days together, and that was it. There was no specific plan. Or so y/n thought.

"Well you mentioned you loved the squad and whatnot, so I talked with my brother and he suggested that we both should stay over at their house during these days." Morgan said casually, as she drove through the highways of LA.

Y/n was in absolute shock. Not only because she was about to meet people she had been admiring for a while now, but also because they actually invited her to stay over at their house. And she didn't even know what to say or how to react.

Morgan looked over at her friend, laughing loudly as she saw the state of shock she was in. "Jesus y/n! React somehow okay? Don't look like you are about to have a heart attack!" Morgan joked as she muttered to the camera that was vlogging the situation. "I didn't know she was going to react this way guys, look at her face!" Morgan laughed.

"I just...i don't even know what to say Morgan! I wasn't expecting this at all as you might imagine..." y/n said, a feeling of excitement starting to build up inside her.

"Well, you better prepare yourself because we are here already." Morgan said as she entered Ryland and Shane's property. She parked the car and looked over at her friend.

"Okay, I'm gonna keep my cool, I promise. I just might tear up a little bit." y/n said as she made Morgan laugh. They both got out of the car and made, grabbing the bags and making their way inside the big house.

Shane opened the door, in his usual attire with a coke in his hand. "Hiiii! You must be y/n, I'm Shane." He said smiling, opening his arms so she could hug him. She did give him a big hug, smiling to herself while thinking about the whole situation.

"It's so nice meeting you, Shane. I absolutely adore your videos. Thank you for welcoming me in your house." Y/n said politely, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"You're welcome girl, and I appreciate your support. Come in please, Ryland is upstairs taking a shower, he just got home from a yoga class." Shane said as he let them in the house. "Welcome to our palace, where all we do is sleep, eat, cry, eat again, edit, and eventually watch Karina Garcia slime videos at 3 am while making our own and destroying the house." He added, making the young girl giggle and look around their home.

"Sounds promising, can't wait to do that." y/n said excitedly as she grabbed her bag. "Also, where can I put this?" she asked referring to the two bags of clothes she had brought with herself.

"Oh right, you're staying in the guest room with Morganics." Shane said as he mentioned for us to follow him up the stairs. In the background you could hear Ryland singing in the shower, and y/n laughed quietly to herself. "We put another mattress on the floor because Andrew might be staying over for a couple of nights. We have a loooot to edit for next week's video!" He said while helping the girls putting the bags inside.

A few hours had passed. After getting settled in, y/n had the pleasure to receive a full on tour around the house. She had also met Ryland, who was only wearing a baby pink towel to cover himself up, an image that the young girl would never be able to take it off from her brain.

It was now 8:30 pm, and Shane and Ryland had already fallen in love with the foreign girl. They had asked her a bunch of questions throughout the day. Some of those included what was her favorite fast food place (McDonald's obviously), if she had a boyfriend (to which she embarrassedly said she had never had one), and which Gucci slides were her favorites (her answer being the diamond ones that Ryland was, of course, currently wearing.)

She was definitely having the time of her life, and right now, things couldn't get any better. Or so she thought.

"Who is knocking?" Shane yelled dramatically as he made his way to the front door, opening it up to reveal Andrew and Garrett. "Oh I though it was Postmates, ugh! What a disappointment." He said, letting his friends in.

Andrew and Garrett made their way towards the kitchen, where Ryland was washing some dishes, Morgan was eating some Oreos while watching a video on Youtube, and y/n was posting a picture on her Instagram.

"Okay so..." Shane started as he ran to stay next to y/n, putting his hands on her shoulders in a comforting way. "This is our daughter, y/n, we adopted her today!" Shane yelled out, making the girl laugh and shake her head, looking up at the two guys.

"Surprise!" Ryland said while cleaning his hands with a towel. Y/n couldn't help but blush as she felt their eyes on her, specially Andrew's. She couldn't deny the crush she had on him.

"Well hi! I'm Garrett, your uncle I guess" He said with a giggle as he made his way over to her, offering a hug that she gladly accepted. "Nice to meet you and welcome to the family!" He said excitedly.

"Thank you so much, I'm really excited to be part of it." She said, looking at him and offering him a smile.

"I'm Andrew, it's nice to meet you." She heard from a little further away from her. She looked to see that Andrew was also making his way to where she was standing. She quickly got up, blushing slightly once again as she looked at his handsome face.

He opened his arms and pulled her into a short friendly hug, to which she returned back. Y/n managed to catch his scent, and she could swear it was the best thing she had ever smelled in her life. She would also for sure remember how cozy and warm his torso was, since he was dressed in one of his hoodies.

"Nice meeting you as well, I love your work." She bravely mentioned it, looking at him to see his reaction. What she wasn't excepting was to see a rosy color appearing on this man's cheeks, and a soft smile made its way to her plump lips.

"I appreciate it." Andrew said, definitely sensing that his voice was filled with nervousness. He hoped, however, that the new member of the squad hadn't noticed.

Andrew wasn't expecting to go over to Shane's house and come face to face to one of the most precious things he has ever encountered. He didn't know if it was her politeness, her short and cute figure, her beautiful face and body, or if it was all of those together.

He knew, however, that he had just found his new crush. He cleared his throat and looked away, moving towards the fridge and pulling out a drink for himself.

"Okay guys! Since it's y/n's first day here in LA, and she is only staying here for like 10 days, we need to make the most out of it." Shane said enthusiastically, grabbing everyone's attention. "We are making slime!" He yelled out clapping his hands enthusiastically.

"We literally do that every night Shane!" Ryland said, grabbing himself a La Croix from the fridge. "The poor thing probably just wants to sleep and here we are, annoying her to death." Ryland said, kissing y/n's head quickly as he passed through her, to which she smiled while looking at him.

"I actually never tried making slime, so I'm down for that!" She said, making her way towards Morgan, after she called her to show her something on the internet.

"See? It's settled then. Garrett, grab the ingredients...we are making slime!" Shane was obviously the most excited one in the group, since everyone else was just waiting for the food to come.

A knock on the door made Andrew leave the kitchen to open it up, knowing that the postmates had arrived with their Chipotle orders. Y/n also made her way to the door, in case he needed help with all the food that they had asked for. She put a hand on Andrew's shoulder, making him turn slightly to see who it was.

"Let me help, that's a lot of food for you to carry." she said casually, a soft smile playing on her lips as she felt his eyes on her. She grabbed half of the order while he grabbed the other half. Thanking the man at the door, they made their way, side by side, to the kitchen.

"Thank you for helping, you didn't have to." He said as they got to the kitchen, putting the food on the counter. She shook her head from side to side, muttering a "it's fine" while grabbing napkins for everyone.

"Okay so, Shane, the plan is to eat first, get comfy and then start making the slime. Is that right?" Ryland asked, taking a bite from his food. Everyone was already ready to eat their food.

"Exactly. Eat up piggies! I'm so excited to have another member in the squad, especially a fucking girl..." Shane said, mouth full of food. Garrett added a "yey" and Morgan nodded excitedly.

"And I am very excited to part of it! I really really am guys..." y/n said with a soft smile on her face, looking down at her food.

After small excitedly talk, filled with jokes and laughs, they finally finished their food and managed to dress up into something more comfy.

Y/n went to the bathroom assigned to her, and changed into some black leggings and hoodie, finally feeling comfy after wearing jeans all day long. She got down the stairs, seeing everyone in the kitchen already, waiting for the girl to join them so they could start their activity.

As soon as Andrew saw y/n, he looked away. Not because he didn't want her to know he was looking at her, but because his rosy cheeks could tell her something he didn't want her to know. The truth is that Andrew is a generally nervous and shy person, so any pretty girl would make him go red.

However, no other girl had ever offered to help him with the food voluntarily, or looked so good in just leggings and a hoodie. He didn't give much thought though, he didn't want to end up hurt like per usual with all his crushes.

She smiled and sat down next to him, since it was the only place available with a chair. The ingredients were all laid out on the counter, from the white glue to the food coloring.

They started mixing the ingredients while Ryland filmed the whole thing for a new video for his channel.

All of them were having fun, especially y/n and Andrew. Everything was happening naturally. They would ask random questions to each other, tease each other whenever something spilled out from their bowl, and nudge one another when the other was trying to ruin their slime.

What they didn't realize is that, Ryland was filming everything, and occasionally they would appear really close on camera.

The night went by fast, everyone was laughing and having fun, the slime turned out really cool, and Shane decided that Andrew and him would start editing tomorrow.

By the end of the night, Andrew was sure there was a beautiful connection developing between the two. And y/n felt that too.

#andrew siwicki #andrew siwicki smut #andrew siwicki blurb #andrew siwicki imagine #andrew siwicki fic #andrew siwicki one shot #shane dawson #morgan adams #ryland adams #shane and friends

[huhusevenn]

numbers [ 1 ]

• fluff, humor

• Word Count: 1.6k words

• Seungmin x reader

• a/n: another fic. yEy- first of all, thank you @fromthefields for helping me edit this fic! luv u, banana. big thanks, as well, to those who gave notes to my first ever stray kids fic! it meant so much to me ♡ and i thought u guys should know, english is just my secondary language (i'm asiaaaan y'all) so pls expect that this fic will contain LoTs oF gRaMmAtIcAl ErRoRs but feel free to send me feedbacks about it! requests are open ♡ lastly, thank you so much and i hope you like it!

The bell rang. The teacher stood up from her seat and took the whole class' exam folder with their exam materials inside from the table. She walked towards a student at the front left corner and handed it all to her.

"Please get one and pass it to the other," Ms. Kaye instructed, and the student obliged. As you all pass the materials, she started talking about the mechanics of the exam.

"If you received your examination materials already, do not open it unless I told you to do so. This examination's purpose is to assess what you have learned in your General Mathematics subject. It consists of 150 items. The instructions are clearly stated on your sheets, so please read it carefully before answering. Not following instructions will be given valid and appropriate deductions. You may use your calculators - natural, non-natural, or none at all - it doesn't matter, as long as you answer the test. You may use one to two sheets of yellow paper as scratch. You only have a maximum of 2 hours to finish the whole exam, no extensions are allowed. May God bless you, you may now start."

You opened the exam booklet, and you already have no idea what is written on number 1. You decided to skip to the second, then to the third; then, you ended up skipping the whole Test 1: Identification. You feel pathetic, but you don't regret not studying before the quarterly exam for this subject, and only for this subject. You hate Math that much.

Who the heck loves it? No one.

Except Ms. Kaye, of course.

The moment you entered the classroom, you knew you were doomed to fail this examination.  Even if you tried your best to listen to the discussions, to understand what the teacher is blabbering, to do some self study on the lessons you can't grasp -which is everything by the way, except Factorial - you still can't bring yourself to like it, or even understand it.

It's because you don't see the point of studying it. Mundane  people only use math when they buy stuff, and they only use addition and subtraction, which was taught to you when you were still at gradeschool! It's not like you'll tell the cashier to find the x in equating your change, or the exact measurement of the edges of your resume's paper to your future employer.

Despite not studying the subject because of your hate towards it, you know you can still pass it. You just need to wait for Ms. Kaye to finish looking around, and spend the remaining time in sleeping her ass off.

Five minutes later, the teacher is already retreating back to her seat, a sigh of relief escaping from her lips as she plumped herself on her chair behind the desk, then leaned against the chair's back support.

Now's your chance.

Cautiously, you took the holy sheet of paper that would save your grades from flunking inside your sweater's left sleeve carefully, doing your best to act normally as you copy all the answers printed in this little piece. You couldn't be more happy when you heard Ms. Kaye snoring.

Number by number, you started to answer quick. The 100 bucks you paid to the hacker Changbin recommended to hack Ms. Kaye's computer for the list of the correct answers and formulas for the examination was, indeed, worth the shot.

You finished the exam 30 minutes before the finishing time. Smiling widely because of your victory, you confidently walked towards Ms. Kaye then placed your examination sheet on the table. She was still asleep so you didn't ask for her permission to leave the room. You also can't spend another second inside because your dreading guilt may force you to take the exam back and confess the gravest sin you've ever done in your entire life.

So you rushed out of the room, expecting the hall to be empty because students rarely finish the exam this early except for one, and he's currently glaring hard at you.

Oh, yes. Kim Seungmin loves Mathematics, as well.

Despite the small yelp of surprise that you emitted, you pretended that you did not see him to keep yourself away from The Trouble and started to walk away, but he aggressively yanks you back then shoves you hard against the wall.

Hitting the wall with both of his fists on the either side of your head, he trapped you so wouldn't had the chance to walk away. Fear swallows you whole as his tall form towered over you, but being the stubborn person you are, you glared back.

"Let me go, Kim Seungmin," You almost growled, shoving him hard away from you to free yourself; however, he was surprisingly stronger than you because he didn't even budge. "What do you want?!"

"I saw what you did back there," he warned you in a whisper, his voice thick with anger. His glare didn't falter.

Your heart skipped a beat. The scene if you getting suspended flashed before your very eyes.

"So?" You still look at him as if he's the most ridiculous person you've ever seen, and it angered him even more.

"Tell it to the principal, then," you challenged, even if your knees are trembling out of fear, "I would even escort you there, if you like. Let's see how much of an ass-kisser you are, Kim Seungmin."

He clenches his jaws hard, his knuckles turning white from tightening his fists. A smug smirk crawled up your lips when his gaze met the ground - a clear sign that he's slowly losing. He hates being called an Ass Kisser - he hates it with his entire being! But of course, why would he let you, a sloth cheating blockhead, win against him The Kim Seungmin, defender of righteousness?

The whole school faculty loves this kid so much. Besides the fact that he's an active participant in every class and events, they love him so much for being their "ally" in torturing students with school works that teachers usually forget. His classmates hate him for that, "but what's wrong should always be punished," according to him.

"What are you waiting for, Kim Seungmin? Let's get you some teacher's ass to kiss!"

He stood up properly, still not saying a single word to you, and straightened his pastel blue checkered polo with his hands. Looking down at you, his serious expression sent chills through your spine, then what you're afraid of happening is slowly coming into reality because he started to make his way towards the Principal's office.

Curse your hubris. Curse your sarcastic nature.

"W-wait, you're serious - you'll really kiss their ass?" you stutter, your eyes starting to glimmer because of the tears threatening to fall.

He kept walking, and with every step he take away from you, the stronger your fright becomes.

"S-seungmin, wait!" You ran and stood in front of him. You put both of your hands on his chest to stop him, "P-please just- g-give me one chance - one chance!"

"You cheated, Y/L/N. I can't let you get away from it, it's unfair for all of us," he said heartlessly as he lightly shoves you away, but you're being persistent because you grabbed his sleeves and turned him around to look at you.

Swallowing all the pride left in you, you stood straight and locked your determined gaze with him.

"I'll do everything you want me to do for you. Ev-uh-rything."

He rolled his eyes. Of course, what do you expect - he'll make you do a cartwheel in front of him, then you'll both forget what happened? Why would Seungmin agree to that petty deal? That's absu-

"Fine."

Never, in your entire life, you believed in miracles, until now.

"Kim Seungmin, you're an angel." You breathed, hugging him tight suddenly. Grinning, you let him go, surprised to see his flushed face.

"Your wish is my command, your Highness" You said, mimicking the accent of those loyal British servants you usually watch in monarchial kind of movies.

"First command: go confess what you did to the principal." He ordered, turning his heel then strutted away. Unbelievable. He became personification of Lucifer that instant. A loud wheeze escaped your mouth. You bent down to take your shoe off, then threw it to him. He suddenly turned around; the shoe almost hit his face, but he was able to catch it. He glowered at you, clenching the shoe hard in his hands.

"Oh shit," you muttered.

He's still glaring.

"Icanexplain,okay? Isawabugflyingthenitlandedonyourhe-"

"See me at the library after school hours, for two weeks. Don't even think about missing a single day - I swear, don't."

He threw your shoes at you, and you caught it with both of your hands. You're still shocked, and scared, and amused quite a bit, and you prefer not to talk to anyone for the rest of the day but, "I'm sorry for what I did. I know you won't understand but- HEY! I'M STILL TALKING!"

Kim Seungmin kept walking, then disappeared around the corner of the building's exit. Looking at your shoe, you are confused of what you should feel right now. Should you be thankful because he kept quiet about what you did - but until when? He'll report it the teachers as soon as he gets the chance to, because he's always like that. Perhaps, you should be scared. But he told you to come see him at the library - not for one day, but for two damn weeks - does that mean he agreed to your deal? Also, out of all things, why... that?

These thoughts kept circling around your head throughout the whole evening, making you lose focus in painting the portrait of your father as a gift for your Mom's upcoming birthday. You ended up sketching his intimidating and stoic visage on your sketchpad.

It's gonna be one hell of a week, since you're spending it with the moral-freak, plainly irritating Kim Seungmin.

Yet, you can't believe yourself to be quite excited for whatever those two weeks hold for you.

#straykidsscenarios #stray kids imagines #stray kids #stray kids scenarios #seungmin #seungmin imagines #seungmin scenarios #kim seungmin scenarios #kim seungmin imagines #seungmin short fics #upcoming au!s for the other members as well mehe #i love him #seungmean scenario hahaha #but hes not really that mean lmao #hope you like it!

[literallyprentissstwin]

Week 11: Tuesday, July 24th to Sunday, July 29th 2018 

bonjour & welcome to this week´s reading list (which is finally up IN TIME). i only have one more week of summer break left and i´m crying bc i don´t want it to be over and i don´t wanna be in my final year of my apprenticeship aaah. 

anyway, as always, i combined a list of my favorite fics i read over the week :) i really hope you´ll enjoy them as much as i did. don´t forget to leave some love and feedback to the authors :) 

enjoy! 

aileen xx

1. Redamancy Pt. 13, Pt. 14 , Pt. 15 by @xocriminal-minds-imaginesxo

i´m in love with this multiparter, i really really am. the storylineis pretty interesting and there is so much diversity in the plot. i love to see how the relationship between Ella & Luke is building up and developing. it´s so good. could you please tag me in this story as well as in your other works? you´re a really talented writer & i basically live for all your writings :) that would be pretty cool! 

2. Undercover I Aaron Hotchner by @bettysblossoms 

awww this was so good and cute and basically made me smile a lot. i really really loved reading is. prentiss is savage, i live for her. very good, great work! 

3. To Family by @ionlyreadfivebookslastweek  

YES TO DAD!REID! i´m living for these kind of stories ( @cm writers: watch & learn!). omg this was so perfect. like the building up of this storyline...really good! the ending was heartwarming! i´m in love :) 

4. Tequila by @xocriminal-minds-imaginesxo 

this was freaking hilarious. like i died bc of too much laughing. like seriously, it´s so good and funny and  i loved will & aaron in it :D i´m just, really happy this story exists! :) 

5. Article of Faith - Chapter 23 , Chapter 24 - The Writer´s Ending by @dontshootmespence 

ooooo god, i´m scared. i really love how the team is still having reid´s back eventhough they are getting suspious and maybe part of them believes matt, but they would still support him no matter what and that´s just so beautiful to see god. it hurts my heart to see emily like this at the end of chapter 23. :((( i´m just so curious to find out where this story is going :) i love it a lot! edit: can we talk about your ending here? it killed me :))))) my heart is aching but it´s sooo good! i´m kind of sad this story is coming to an end :(((

6. Dad´s Spaghetti by @dontshootmespence

rossi is literally the coolest Dad on earth. like he´s so chill, but also so caring & protective. any child could be happy to have him as their dad. (i want him as my dad). i loved this story a lot <3 

7. Means So Little by @dontshootmespence 

THIS was a 100% relatable istg. like i was exactly in that position after i cut my extremley long hair off. i hate it that people make such a big deal of it ugh. i loved reid´s reaction to it, bc he´s right. it´s just hair, it means so little. great story! 

8. We Love, We Fight by @ionlyreadfivebookslastweek 

omg this was so good. i was at the edge of my seat. i loved the team in it. very well written. the ending was everything :))) great work! 

9. capable. by @uncomfie 

woooooooah wait...what were you trying to do with this story? trying to kill me???? holy shit, this was not what i expected when i read “death” in the warnings. uuuuugh. my heart hurts so bad but it´s soooo good! well done dude <3 

10. Take His Power Away by @dontshootmespence 

ok wow, this was so good. i love matt with all my heart and it pains me to see him hurting bc he loves his family so much & would literally do anything to protect them. this was so good! i def need more family moments of him in S14 (which we will get according to daniel yey <3). this piece was so rare and beautiful :) 

11. Yeah by @ionlyreadfivebookslastweek 

so so GOOD. all the emotions were covered so well. i loved reading it a lot <3 it was perfect, well done :) 

12. This is Home by @xocriminal-minds-imaginesxo 

ooooooo god. my heart. i miss aaron hotchner a whole lot uuugh. i loved this piece and i loved their relationship :) 

13. Of All Places // Spencer Reid by @itsmeedee 

idk why but at first i was a little confused when i started reading it but then i eventually got it and it was fun to read. especially luke at the end :D great job! it´s a shortie but a goodie! :) 

14. Work It Out (Spencer) by @the-girl-under-bofurs-hat 

okay first things first: @ Anon: please don´t send the same request to different writers. this is annoying af. like it happened to me too and it´s really annoying. so plesae, stop it! thanks. 

okay back to the fic: WOW i loved it. spencer was so different in this fic at first, i was like ”damn get your shit together”. but then derek came and blow his mind (holy crap i was scared of morgan in that moment.) and we got a happy end yey. i loved JJ and Morgan in it. they were the best <3 great work! i really enjoyed reading it :) 

15. sophia. by @uncomfie 

ok this was a fic i requested and omg let me tell you you did justice to my request like omg it turned out so so so good, you master of derek morgan fics. i loved how derek & y/n protected sophia and as much as i wanted them to adopt her, i prefer the way they chose! i loved loved loved reading it! well done dude :)

16. Black Light by @illegalcerebral  

this story here is an entry to my challenge, thank you sarah for participating <3  okay, can we talk about garcia in this fic? like this is a whole new side to this woman, but it´s something i could really imagine her doing when it comes to her family. like i think the cm writers don´t give her enough credit and only show one side. but we need to believe that this side (you wrote in the story) is also there and tbh i liked it, eventhough it didn´t have quite the happy ending and she left :( but dear god, the angst was real and i loved reading it a lot! recommend 10/10! well done :) 

this was this week´s reading list. a shorter one bc i didn´t read as much as i usual do! next week´s list will be the last in my summer break. i´m not sure how busy i´ll be once my final school years starts but i´m trying to keep the lists! :) 

i hope you enjoyed reading it! leave some love to the writers & see you all next week! 

#aileen´s reading list #week 11 #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #imagine #spread love and positivity #fandom

[fullyjenanigans2]

MAY 25, 2010

I copy-pasted all my notes on Facebook. I decided to save and post them here on my site just to remind myself and you my reader that we all go through a lame-corny-erroneous-grammar-cringe-worthy stage of our lives. And it should be ok 🥰 we embrace our flaws. I intended to post the original entries. Yes. No editing! Thus, pardon me for all the mistakes. I believed that I was correct during those times. 😊

From a perpective of a 23 year-old me. 

Entry #9

WiFi..*sigh*

May 25, 2010 at 6:49 PM

i woke up early this morning (although the sun was already peeking at my window)..which was not really normal for me..during weekends and vacations, (or if there's no classes and walks should i say) i get out of bed very late..well, it's because i go to bed very late, too..(babawi ng tulog siyempre..hehe) 😊 i woke up this early for no reason at all..(not even the-early-bird-catches-worm purpose..trip lang..haha!) okay, it was also because of the hot heat..whew..para akong nasa mini oven! the hell! haha! =)

i was alone at the dormitory because my dorm mates went to work (of course, it's a weekday!)..and since i don't have a seminar and a class to attend to, i might as well spend the whole day on my own..huhu.. (ehe)

i prepared my breakfast..a mini bowl of oatmeal with a lot of powdered milk and two medium-sized mangoes..yum! 😊 i sorted out some of my things and my dorm mates' afterwards..(sipag-sipagan lang..hehe)..sweat to the fullest and drank lots of water..=) i didn't actually get tired, i just got sleepy so i went back to bed..hehe..i slept for 20 minutes (i guess?) and awakened by a bad dream (can't remember what was it all about anymore..hehe) and hot heat again..i tried to go back to sleep and there, i had a three-hour sleep..yey! =)

i then decided to take a bath and thought of eating at the carinderia downstairs..and i changed my mind instantly..it's not that i don't like the food there..i guess the mouse potato in me kicked off my head and made my brain think of eating at McDonald's and enjoy the WiFi there..hehe..so off i went! =)

i just ordered a medium cheeseburger meal (changed the drink into pineapple)..i am a bit excited so while i am eating my cheeseburger, i turned on my laptop (which i just borrowed from a friend..hehe) and clicked connect (since it didn't connect automatically).. i tried connecting several times and even ate as slow as a turtle fearing that i might be sent out..haha..but i failed..i spent more than an hour there with a defeated purpose..and so here i am, renting a computer at a shop near my place..*sigh* (hindi naman ako determinado di ba?haha) not all free WiFi zones are helpful i therefore conclude..whew..

i just wanted to include in this note..

i typed this note twice..at the first one, the internet connection went out after the last word was dashed off..it annoyed me a lot..ggrr! few people here at the shop even worsen the feeling..sorry..but they don't know how to consider the others around..(or perhaps i am just irritated and something came up..and of course, nobody told me to go here..hehe) this isn't really a good day at all.. *sigh*

okay, i'm done with this mouse potato and WiFi thingy.. i'll hit the logout button after this..whew..i still need to cook for dinner anyway..

[bleusarcelle]

Author ask Thingy

So, @goramidiot tagged me on one of these, and I had fifteen minutes free before an interview (yes, a 9 pm interview yey) so I thought, why not?

1)      is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

Well…I kinda have this one story that I deleted bc uh, it was about Klance coming back to earth but like, their relationship took a turn bc it was a new environment from where they established their relationship, so they go downhill from there but like, in the end they want to make it work.

So yeh. Posted it. Deleted it. Trying to edit so I can do their relationship justice, you know, like a good healthy relationship should be.

2)      what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

Hmmmmm. None? Like, sure, I have a couple where they might be lil cringy in the writing but that’s because I was still learning. So, I can forgive myself.

3)      what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

Fave scenes first and then chronological.

4)      favorite character you’ve written

Lance and Keith. Neck to Neck.

5)      character you were most surprised to end up writing

Pidge. I didn’t expected me to fall hard for her, man.

6)      something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now

Environment descriptions. Like, I usually focus on emotions and dialogue, what the character is doing and showing but damn, it’s a hard time for me to describe or find the time to put what’s around them.

7)      when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

I’m okayish. I don’t ger overexcited because then I would have to explain the plot and …yah know? Not a lot of ppl are accepting of stories of people falling in love, if you know what I mean.

Embarassed, tho? No. Never. I’m proud of my writing.

8)      favorite genre to write

……….

Fluff.

Why are you looking at me like that, it’s fluff.

……….. and angst.

9)      what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

Life, tbh?

10)   write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?

Background noise and people. Like, I usually write whenever I’m not overwhelmed at work, so I write in my office with chatter behind me or aimless music.

But like, when I acknowledge the silence when I’m alone? It’s a lil unsettling. I prefer to be surrounded by people but in my own world, if that makes sense.

11)   what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

Damn, dude, I really wouldn’t know?

Maybe the transaction from scene to scene? Character’s emotions?

TEXT FORMAT. OH LORD I HAVE CHANGED FROM MY EVIL WAYS AND FINALLY MANAGED HOW TO MAKE DECENT TEXT FORMAT.

And like dialogue, letting it be more natural.

12)   your weaknesses as an author

I have no idea?? Why do I have to auto analyze myself, oh my god.

Uh, okay, let’s see, what do I struggle with? Forgetting details of the characters?

13)   your strengths as an author

DIALOGUE. EMOTIONS.

14)   do you make playlists for your current wips?

Nah, man, I suck at those.

15)   why did you start writing?

I was reading some nature fics back in my day and I was like ‘ok but like, I think this would have been better’ and then I was like ‘……Imma make my own that fits my likes bc I wanna read that shit.’ And TA-DAAAAH.

16)   are there any characters who haunt you?

Sonic the motherfucker.

17)   if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

My what now?

Is that like? Past me? Baby past me?

Sure okay: LET YOURSELF TO BE CRINGY. EXPLORE. FIND. TRY. AND ENJOY. SEE WHAT YOU LIKE AND WHAT YOU DON’T. MAKE MISTAKES AND LEARN FROM THEM. ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE CRINGY AND LAME UNTIL YOU FIND YOUR OWN STYLE. YOU GOT THIS SHIT.

18)   were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?

Probably, dude, tbh. My writing style changed at some point but I can’t remember when or how.

Tho, one thing I remember seeing, it was a post, like some of those tips writing posts that said like “Write like you are telling the story to your best friend.”

AND BOY OH BOY DO I REALLY WRITE LIKE THAT.

19)   when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

You ask the wrong person here.

I try not to panic, tbh, bc big fics scare me when Im the one writing them. Pace, transition, relationships, emotions, natural flow of actions and feelings. They are so complicated ya know?

So, I usually write down all the scene I WANT TO SEE IN THE GODDAM FIC, explaining a lil about them, like the meaning behind each of them between  these [ ] and then I start making like the timeline with the scenes, organizing them and shit.

It took me a while to get the hangs of the timeline of the current multichip im making. It was….a trip.

20)   do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

Both. Depends on how much time I have or inspiration.

I love it when I have long sit-downs, tho, they are interesting and like, really fills you with adrenaline. (because you think everything you are writing is amazing lmao oh just you want for the next day when you are editing, oh boy)

21)   what do you think when you read over your older work?

‘Nice, nice, oh I like what I did there, ….okay was that really necessary? Oh no, that’s a 2012 old me, what is it doing here? ….ok that one was funny! I approve. Oh man, really? A typo? In front of my salad? …I’m honestly confused on why this has kudos….Oh god, dude, this is super angsty chill the fuck out, what the fuck……..oh wait it’s still my fic, alright then……….note to self, don’t be so dang angsty and people don’t have that many tears inside them, relax.’

22)   are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

Any subject that I’m not familiar with, tbh? Not that I’m uncomfortable, per se, but I don’t want to write them in the chances that I might fuck it up.

If I didn’t live it? I don’t write it, simple as that tbh.

23)   any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?

Not really? Obscure? Nah, dude, I’m pretty basic, I just daydream a lot.

24)   have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

Dialogue. And TEXT FORMAT.

25)   copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of

I have over 100+ fics, bro, so like, I’m just going to use something from the last fic/drabble I wrote:

Keith doesn’t know what makes him pause but suddenly his eyes fall to the empty space on his right and then he frowns.

Where is Lance?

Why I like this part? Because you stablish a few things:

1)      Keith senses something is out of the ordinary.

2)      Automatically looks to the right where Lance usually is (ya know, right hand man, you see what I did there)

3)      The realization that Lance is not there annoys him so you know that it’s not a common occurrence that Lance disappears.

#bleu answers #I GOTTA GO THO #OKAY BYE THIS WAS FUN

[bleusarcellewrites]

We Can Try That

*Poke head* eeeeeeeeeeeeeey...hi.

So ha! I had a prompt last week (I’m so so sorry) from @goramidiot (again, so so sorry) and they wanted Blind!Lance and HA, yeah only that, and a guide dog, but like, I’m a Weak ass for Klance so *jazz hands* ta-daah?? 

Hope you liked it anyways!!!! It’s prety short? But pretty fluffy, no angst tonight, folks. 

Content: fluff, fluff, fluff, Klance, fluff, Blind Lance, fluff, post war, back on earth. 

Ps. pls excuse any bad grammar or typos? I only did like a quick edit bc that’s all the time I had but like?? ...ha, enjoy, yey. 

Disclaimer: Voltron doesn’t belong to me. 

Keith taps his fingers against the surface of the table with an absent rhythm.

He resists the urge to look back at the entrance door of the Café and stare at it as long as it was necessary. He was barely lifting his free hand and guiding it towards his mouth, full intending to bite his nail off, when his phone buzzes on the table and catches his attention.

It’s a text and Keith’s heart skips a beat when he sees the contact’s name.

Five minutes away, omw (:

Four words and one emoji shouldn’t make him giddy but damn, his insides are all mixed up now and he feels like he will be throwing up butterflies any second now. Six years later and he stills feels like a teenager.

Unbelievable.

He unconsciously smiles as he re-reads the message before he drops his hand back to his leg. He let himself to let out a relief breath and leans back on the chair while he twirls the small spoon inside his latte slowly.

He steals a glance to the Frappuccino sitting in front of his own drink and prays for everything out there that he made the right choice when he ordered his date’s drink before he could choose.

Keith’s almost 99.99% sure that he got the drink right; it’s not like he doesn’t know his date’s likes or dislikes, because he do.

Being part of the same team that saves the Universe, and spending every day for six years up in space inside an Altean Castle, is enough to makes you learn about people’s choices on coffee.

Or in Lance’s case: people’s sugary death sentence.

Keith chuckles as he recalls the first time Lance had told the team what he would order the second he was back on Earth, right after seeing his family, of course.

Keith had promised to take him himself, if only to see how a drink such as Lance’s could exist.  

Back then it had been a joke. Back then they had been kids; pure, innocent, naïve and still unmarked by the war they were facing.

Now? Now they have scars in every way possible. They all survived and there’s not a single day where Keith’s not grateful of that fact, but some things–

The door’s bell rings, making a small echo around the silent room, and Keith’s head shots up, heart beating faster at the sight of a familiar tall brunet with dark sunglasses over his eyes and a small but bright smile on his lips.

–some things stay with you for life and turning a blind eye on them doesn’t always work.

“Lance.” Keith calls, standing up from his seat but standing beside the table, fully knowing that Lance preferred it like that.

Lance’s head instantly falls towards Keith’s direction and his smile only widens at Keith’s voice. The brunet lets out a small whistle and starts walking towards him with his trusting guide dog right beside him.

“Why hello there, Red.” Lance says, grinning happily at Keith and the black haired man can’t help but sigh in content as he takes Lance’s hand on his own.

“Hello, hello.” He says quietly, bringing their interlocked hands to his lips and dropping a quick kiss against Lance’s before he leans closer and drops another one on the brunet’s cheek. “Nice walk?”

Lance hums, taking advantage of their proximity and nuzzling his cheek against Keith’s lovingly. “Yep. Vic enjoyed the warm sun, didn’t you, boy?” He says, looking down to where his dog was sitting patiently.

Keith smiles when Vic looks up at his owner’s voice and sticks out his tongue contently.  “Good job, buddy. Thank you.” He praises softly and Lance chuckles.

“I’m thinking you already ordered for me, amor?” Lance asks, arching an eyebrow behind his sunglasses and Keith hums positively.

“Yes, I did order your sugary death, you maniac. You’re welcome.” Keith mumbles, rolling his eyes amusedly.

Lance cheers softly before he cups Keith’s face gently. “Thank you.” He whispers, a breath away from Keith’s lips but instead, he does a small eskimo kiss against Keith’s nose, earning a giggle from his boyfriend.

“Psh. Oh my god, Lance.” Keith laughs trying to push his face away but not really wanting to succeed. “Okay, alright, let’s sit down. You gotta tell me how the trip to Cuba went, love.”

Lance’s face lights up at the mention of his home land and he’s about to open his mouth when Keith cuts him off suddenly.

“Nope, wait.  Aren’t you forgetting something?” He asks and Lance frowns in confusion before his mouth forms a small ‘o’ in realization.

“Amor, are you sure? I don’t want to make you deal with all the stares when people see you with a blind guy.” Lance mumbles biting his lower lip nervously but he still raises his sunglasses up and Keith heart makes a flip when he sees the faint blue color in Lance’s eyes.

His gaze is unfocused, as it has been since the accident, his eyes not moving in the slightest but somehow staring right at Keith.  The black haired man just hums and leans closer, dropping a kiss on the corner of each eye before pulling back.

“They can stare all they want you know why?” He asks, now his turn to cup Lance’s face with his hands and continues when the brunet shake his head slowly. “Because my eyes are only on you.”

Lance blinks and then his bright smile is back on place, making Keith’s heart to fill up with joy and pride that he was able to make that happened.

“Cheesy mullet.” Lance mumbles but still nuzzles his forehead against his boyfriend’s.

Keith answers him with another eskimo kiss.

#bleu writes #klance #klance fic #voltron #voltron fic #voltron legendary defender #keith #lance #vld keith #vld lance #blind lance #lance mcclain #keith kogane #lance (voltron) #keith (voltron) #klance fluff #klance fluff fic #idunno what else to tag? #um #keith x lance #? #lmao

[imwideawakeatfouroclock]

Learning Language

“At a very young age,” a report claiming us would write, “the kids were gifted with words they didn’t know the meaning of.” At a very young age -- let me clarify the meaning of young and age and very. There is a school ground somewhere behind the curtain shops at Nursery, apparently called a “quadrangle”, so there is a school quadrangle, that is occupied by grey, uniformed bodies on mornings on weekdays when the school term is on-going. On the backs of their notebooks, especially printed for them by the school, is a poem written by Faiz Ahmed Faiz. We did not know the Significance of Faiz, of course, but there was a mosaic painting of him hung at the entrance of the library, which is also incidentally named after him. So we encountered him, unknown man of mosaic, vague name on our tongues, poem at the back of our notebooks. It is not exactly ‘poem’; it is ‘taraana’, that is the title preceding the verses. So, for instance, the beginning is, “Yey dar-ul-ilm sadd-e-rahe-aseb-e-zaman hoga.”

To this date, I only know the meaning of the beginning and the end of that phrase, the middle is a mix of many things, clear your throat, things, you know? So all these words and things crammed in our mouths on mornings and in ceremonies and in prize distributions, and ofcourse it was wonderful, our mouths and tongues champions of difficult language, look at the greatness that we bear, that we hardly understand ourselves. Not that our sense of wonder was ever spoken, or discussed, just orchestrated in sleepy mornings, and everyone’s sleepy voices would eventually pick up the enthusiasm required to sing the last verse, “Jahan main chaar soo ilm-o-amal ki hay amal-daaaaaa-aaaaa-aaaa-ri.” Surge of greatness, then snuffed out. Then we all headed to our classes.

__

Music class slowly turned into a site of practical jokes. By the time we reached 10th grade, we were more interested in singing Aloo Mian than the Sa-Ray-Ga-Ma our music instructors tried so hard to teach us. For one, we were completely off-tune, and secondly, since it was our last year of school, everyone wanted to have fun. So there were made up chipkalis to scare everyone in the room; there were silly rhymes we requested, and the music instructor, sick of our juvenility, resorted to play the tune of Aloo Mian on his harmonium. But sometimes, we’d get to sing Bhar Day Jholi; we didn’t admit it, but we loved singing it, and everyone joined in. We’d be serious enough for five minutes to rise to that occasion.

Before we had turned into a joke, though, we learnt beautiful songs, but in Urdu. Sometimes we would all not manage to sound like screaming banshees when the instructor asked us to sing “Aa-aa-aaaa” in the tune of Sa-Ray-Ga-Ma. Over time, we learnt to correct our lyrics; it was not infact, “Ley Jaa Muddin Kay Darwazay Par”. It was “Nijammuddin kay darwazay par.” Njiammuddin Aulia, Nijammuddin Aulia, follows right after, so it makes sense. 

Baba only recently explained me the meaning of, “Hum...taba abad sayy-o-taghayyur kay wali hain.” It’s so much fun to sing and remember, but....okay, I think I should just say it: extremely problematic. Nation crammed into our mouths. 

Somebody in the school insisted we needed an English music class as well. The syllabus for that class was extremely strange. Every rhyme seemed to contain sun, moon, stars and mountains, with a momentary appearance of Margalla islands, because it matched the rhyme scheme. “This land was made for you and me!” Mr. Music Instructor Sir, what land? Who is you and me? What are their languages, and how do they intersect? Why is it important to speak this belonging in English? What would you translate this in Urdu as? Who would belong then? Will we learn songs in Sindhi as well? (No, we won’t.)

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There is a system of classification of poetry, a canonization and organization, a careful curation of verses only known to Intermediate Urdu (Normal) students. This happens in the form of notes. All poets, all male poets incidentally, lined up on our tongues and notebooks, and we can pull out verses from our mouths about three distinct themes, quite literally organized in headings in black pointer: Ishq, Dunya ki Bey-sabaati and Insaaniyat. Sir Muneer, as part of examination prep, made me recite all the shairs for Meer-Dard-Ghalib, the trio we could rely on, because we could memorize them and them alone, leave the other poets and their verses alone, because everyone knew that if you knew Meer-Dard-Ghalib, you would easily pass the exam. Ms. Qamar dictated us tashreehs in quiet classrooms, and we wrote down, “Aadmi khata ka putlaa hay.” Once, Ms. Qamar asked us to write down a mumaasil shair, a shair you write down as part of the tashreeh because that gives you more marks because the examiner recognizes that you’ve done a lot more memorizing than they expected, so Ms. Qamar dictated to us the first half of a shair, “Kon kehta hay kay tu pyaar na kar…” Quiet classroom, taking down dictation. Ushna took advantage of the silence and said, “Pappu yaar tang na kar.”

Edit: Sir Muneer and Sir Wahid both thought I was some sort of genius, but I was only good at memorizing things. So I remember studying about Angaray, I remember the name Rasheed Jahan, I remember memorizing it as part of a history of the Urdu Afsana, which I have now forgotten. Some days ago, I heard a person talk about Rasheed Jahan as a poet who was a woman; I don’t ever remember memorizing that.

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In 8th grade, we attempted to stage a play in school for Northanger Abbey. Hira and I had to learn to dance together as girl and boy. We replicated the dance from the Northanger Abbey movie, and it was strange and stiff, but we had to do what we had to do. So me, Catherine, and Hira, Mr. Henry Tinley, with our sloppy Englishes, we learnt to strangely hold hands and manouvre stiffly through our classmates arranged in rank and file like armies. Apparently that is what dance looked like. Everyone hated studying Northanger Abbey, and they were also a little bit frustrated with me for scoring well on the exam for it. During our English exam, we debated the meaning of the word ‘protagonist’ and ‘antagonist’. We had no idea.

Most of the time, our English teachers had difficulty with English as well. By 10th grade, we were just teaching ourselves. In an undergrad Linguistics class, a teacher pulled up our 10th grade English syllabus as specimen, as something cray and funny. The joke was our exam paper that asked about a poem, which was about a man going on the top of a mountain to meet God, “Where did the man go to meet God?” Ash and I almost cried with laughter, and embarrassment, and later we were overwhelmed with the thought of escaping an education that many people don’t get to escape. 

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Ammi said innocently about Donald Trump’s election, “The whole world become shake.” We have come to respect the fallibilities of our language and the context in which this failing happens; but still, I caught Hassan Bhai’s eye and we started giggling, and ofcourse he made the strawberry or chocolate shake? joke.

Neither of us has perfect English but that doesn’t mean we don’t get to make fun of each other. Once, my sister said about somebody coming from upstairs, “She’s coming down from above.” Hassan Bhai never lets her forget that.

Baba handles work in emails, and handles emails in English. His signature move is pausing in between eating, walking, or talking, asking me for a translation divorced of all context. But, as is evident, the story can grin from between those words anyway. So one day, he stopped in the TV lounge and asked me, “Is it invincible or invisible?” When you don’t feel seen. I said the latter. He nodded and kept on walking. On another occasion, he said, “Is it hurt or hurted? When I pair it with heart-broken.” Just recently, he asked me, “Can I say I would like to offer you thanks?” I nod in between eating my salad at the dinner table, and don’t need to ask for context because the invisible, hurting issue has apparently been resolved.

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Aleeza corrects my English now. I was trying to teach her something from her workbook; I roll my ‘r’ when I say Verb, but she looks at me indignantly and says, “Verb? (It’s) Ve--b!” I’m a little surprised, but I just shrug and say okay. Ammi thinks the kids should learn Urdu, but we’re too exhausted; they can just learn what they learn, and we’ll work with what we have. 

#writing language