#dont want to have this fucking identity anymore it makes me a walking talking breathing living fucking target

[monachopism]

being jewish with zero affiliation to israel and rather a generational line of activists for palestine is a hard line to walk and sometimes i wish i could just fall off

#i hate zionist jews i hate i stand with israel signs in my neighborhood i hate leftists who write and speak and act like theyve never met an #actual jewish person in their life and believe that were all genocidal monsters (in spite of our own genocide which i assume will eventuall #flip around to leftist holocaust denial) i hate that people are blaming israeli civilians for the faults of their deeply corrupt government #i hate that i cant say zionism is inherently antsemitic without getting fucking maimed i fucking hate it here the world is on fire just #fucking let me burn #anyways #sorry #free palestine #any other #jumblr #girlies (gn) relating to my vent #bc im started to feel ashamed of myself my culture and my people #and its such a fucking shitty feeling #like i can barely look in palestine / gaza / etc. tag without seeing blindingly blatant antisemitism coming from left right and center #like just say you hate jews and fuck off #i cant look at this shit anymore fuck #idk why im so worked up about this rn i just. btwn weeding out all the zionist blogs i didnt know i followed and just being so fucking- #and weeding out all the antisemitic leftist blogs i didnt know i was supporting its all just crashing down #im so fucking tired #and im so fucking tired of having to defend myself any time i talk about the jewish experience in any of this #and im so fucking tired of people equating judaism with religion only #and im so fucking tired of the double standard of also equating with only one race #like there arent jews of every race #the reason you cant see any of this shit is because nearly a century later were still dealing with the aftermath of the 6mil person murder #were always at the cross roads of some ridiculous double standard or the scapegoat for when things are going badly #like fuck i just #dont want to have this fucking identity anymore it makes me a walking talking breathing living fucking target #idk what to do I'm just #desolate

[stoneworldsimp]

what’s mine is not yours —a request

platonic senku x reader

warnings: swearing, anxiety, talk of insecurities and worries, gender dysphoria

your name!

your name!

YOUR NAME!

your hands slapped to your ears, eyes shut tight. i can’t take this so early in the morning.

the voices from your dream had lingered longer than you would have liked. it reminded you it was time to face another day, to endure another long long day and night of hearing the wrong things.

maybe if i went and lived on my own again…i wouldn’t have to deal with it—no. senku needs me. he needs me…what does he need me for again? you rolled onto your stomach; your pillow rustled as you flopped it on top of your head. he doesn’t need me. i’d rather be lonely than hear everyone say some bullshit about me.

everyone in the village knew you as a miss. yuzuriha made you more neutral clothes upon request, but everyone assumed you were tomboyish. luckily, no one read more into it; it was nice to dress comfortably, but it was like no one else understood. why were they still calling you a girl? and the older folks, you knew they meant well! but you couldn’t help but feel like their constant “sweet girl”s were making fun of you at this point.

i can’t do it, i can’t do it, they’re making fun of me right now, as i think. as i exist!

you felt a tear trickle down the side of your nose.

oh, you’re kidding. crying? again? is this—

a knock on your door halted your thoughts; you quickly flipped back and sat up in your bed on the ground of your hut, and wiped your face quickly. you lightly slapped your cheeks to stop yourself from continuing crying.

“yeah.”

“it’s me. can i come in?”

senku’s voice brought some sort of relief; personally you felt it was better for him to come in at such a time than anyone else.

you took a deep breath. “sure, but i just woke up. i’m staying under my blanket.”

senku laughed behind the door. a small shove was made and it opened, revealing a quite chipper senku. he liked to come early in the morning when the rest of the village was quiet.

his smirk faltered once he saw your face. you believed you hid your crying well; you didn’t think to check your red eyes or stinging cheeks.

“what’s wrong?” he asked, his words much gentler than when he asked to come in.

damn. how could i not realize i was so obvious?

with a deep breath, you whispered, “senku.. we’re pretty good friends, right?”

he snickered. “of course we are, way more than that asshole gen.”

his voice was closer. you laughed as well, and wiped your eyes clear. he slowly walked over and sat down on the floor next to you. senku was looking at you, really looking at you; it was intense, almost if he was making sure his closeness or anything about his presence wasn’t bothering you.

“okay…i’m about to say a lot of stuff. let me know if you need me to explain more, or if i’m talking too much. or—“

your words halted as senku put a hand on your shoulder, a smile light on his face. “all ears.”

you smiled back softly. “okay. so—back in..our time,”you gestured between the two of you with your hands, “i told my family and friends i was, uhm… nonbinary. like i don’t feel male or female, i use they/them pronouns; all that good stuff. still feel that way now. and, for quite some time, they didn’t believe me. not in a direct ‘you’re lying’ way, but more of ‘i don’t understand it therefore you shouldn’t understand it’ type of thing. i got a lot of shit from people who weren’t my friends, too. but with my friends’ support and getting more confidence after coming out, my parents were able to kinda see it. but yeah, it took quite some time. probably like.. eight months? even then, i had to remind them constantly, ‘not a daughter. please don’t call me she or he. please don’t call me a woman.’ but we were getting there. and right when we got petrified, right when it happened, i saw the look on my mom’s face.

“we were talking about me and my identity and it was like something had clicked in her brain. like, she knew exactly what i meant and how i felt when i said what it meant to be nonbinary. i don’t even remember what i said specifically, but i remember her expression as if she were standing in front of me right now. i was so hopeful i’d see her again, her expression got me through my petrification and even helped me break out of it. but of COURSE, i didn’t ever see her again after i woke up. and then i almost lost my own sense of self after being by myself for probably a year.. i was under the assumption i’d never meet another person again, so when i did run into your village—i had this gross feeling of dread. and i realized it was the same feeling that basically lived inside of me before i came out.”

you sat up straighter and looked away from senku. “it’s like, i have to rebuild my identity all over again. people always say you shouldn’t care about what other people say, but i can’t help it. i’m a sensitive person. i get hurt easily, no matter how hard i try to thicken my skin. they all, they all just use ‘she’ and ‘her’ and ‘that girl’ so often, it feels like they’re making fun of me, like they’re constantly telling me i’m not who i say i am. and i can’t tell them senku, being nonbinary was confusing for so many people in our time, i hardly believe they’ll understand it now. sure, my parents were fine, but it took a while before they got it. i can only imagine how long it’ll take for everyone here.”

senku was quiet. have you over explained yourself? was it too overbearing? in all honesty you’d only been good friends with senku a short while; you should have waited at least a little bit longer before letting him in on something so personal—

“it all, it all kind of makes sense now.”

huh?! “what?”

“what you told me, i think i get it now.”

you gave him a look up and down. it was possible, but you didn’t think there was much of a chance that senku would be so..cool with it. not right away. you expected some form of silent treatment for at least a day or two, so he could collect his own thoughts.

“i’m gonna say something, and i need you to listen. yeah?”

you stared at him like your brain short-circuited. what the fuck is he gonna say to me.. oh god, he doesn’t wanna be friends anymore. but he’ll be too nice to kick me out of the village. but it is his village—

“hey, hey…are you with me?” you both sat facing each other now, and his hands rested on your shoulders.

just hear him out. “yeah. all ears.”

he smoothed your shoulders with his thumb. “you’re just as valid as everyone out there. i know you’re scared, but believe me when i say they will not be mocking you in any way. sure, it might take a while for them to understand, but theyre not going to give up just because they dont get something right away. it took me a few months to fully convince this village i could help them, and even then, there were still a few who didn’t fully understand the experiments and contraptions i made until a while later. i know that isn’t the same as your situation… but what i’m trying to say is that they will try their best to know you, the real you. they aren’t going to mock you; if anything, they’ll have lots of questions to ask you.

“also, you have me, you have gen to help out in case you don’t have the capacity to answer everything yourself. i’ve a few things about gender before the stone world, and gen definitely knows a lot of things that are relevant to it as well.

“everyone here… they’re all so eager to learn, i highly doubt they’ll be unaccepting. they’ll be curious. and they’ll be happy you’re letting them in on something that is so important.”

tears had made their way down your face and on your clothes halfway through his mini-monologue; you didn’t notice him continuously wiping them away until he was finished. “it’s going to be okay. trust me.”

with a quiet sob, you pushed yourself into his arms for a hug.

“thank you.”

you knew he wasn’t particularly one for any type of physical contact, but he gladly accepted. for the occasion, he thought. his arms slowly wrapped around your slightly shaking body as you tried to calm down. neither of you spoke for a few minutes; only your soft sniffles were heard in the hut.

“senku, i think that was the most i’ve heard you talk about something that wasn’t directly related to science,” you laughed into his neck.

he laughed back. “i had a lot saved, since there were moments i could tell you were kind of uncomfortable. i didn’t want to force you into talking about it either, so i just waited. tried to figure out what i was going to say. it had to be good.. you are one of my closest friends, after all.”

both of you embraced each other a little tighter. “i hope all of this helped, i want you to live here with none of those worries. especially after so many months of having it bottled inside.”

you nodded in response.

today.. today will be the day i tell everyone not to use what they used to call me; that won’t do at all anymore.

today, i’ll tell everyone my name.

#dr stone #dr stone x reader #senku ishigami x reader #senku x reader #ishigami senku x reader #ishigami senku #senku ishigami #dr stone imagines #dr stone scenarios #senku ishigami fluff

[perseusjackson-jasongrace]

Can I ask for some badass jason moment like maybe he does something badass and people realize wow Jason's powerful and idk maybe percy just drools after his badass himbo boyfriend

Idk I'm not feeling great and just need some badass jason love all mixed in with percy being the one who drools not the other way (I dont mind the other way but I really want jason to be admired)

Hello sweet Anon. I'm so sorry you aren't feeling all good🥺sending you warm hugs and light☀️

Here's some dark!jercy featuring badass!Jason and some badass!Percy too. I hope you enjoy.

And if you're in need of anymore badass!Jase here's some other fics of mine: Dark!Jason trying to save kidnapped Percy; Dark!Jason forcing the gods to save Percy

If anyone else has badass!Jason fics please link them for Anon💖

Masterlist

But onto this one!

TW: dark, murder, blood. This is not for the faint of heart, please proceed with caution.

"On your right!" Someone screams. It's not for his benefit. He is a weapon of mass destruction. The warning is for his opponent.

Percy Jackson slides under a gleaming sword and vaults back up with a wicked smile on his face. “Missed me."

The demigod shrieks, turning back around to face him.

"I will kill you Percy Jackson."

"You know I get tired of hearing that after ten years of this."

"Stop talking and fight me like the hero you're supposed to be."

He bares his teeth, green eyes flashing with anger, "I'm nobody's hero."

"Now that's a lie if I've ever heard one." A deep, clear voice from behind them drawls.

"Now is not the time you hopeless romantic." He laughs, turning to see his godly boyfriend landing on the ground with a soft thud.

"There's always time to appreciate you." Blue eyes twinkle, love and amusement glittering like stars.

"Can you two just shut up for like five seconds?" The demigod he had forgotten about growls, "I have shit to do and I'd prefer if we could get this over with."

"Better things to do than killing us?" Percy raises a brow, "Gee so sorry we're keeping you from your busy schedule."

"What's the problem anyway?"

"Your worthless trash of a boyfriend refuses to die."

"Oh," He winces, "You probably shouldn't have said that."

Jason's eyes flash with something otherworldly, dark, sinister, beautiful, "Why are you trying to kill him?"

The demigod' s expression flashes with disgust, like this simple task is beneath them, "Orders from the boss."

"And who is the boss?" His boyfriend asks quietly.

Percy can feel the air turning electric around them, can see the lightning slowly crackle in Jason's veins. After all these years, he knows better than anyone when his love is going to explode, can read the signs faster than even the blonde himself.

"We're under oath to keep the secrecy of the boss' identity."

"Cowards!" The Son of Jupiter growls, "Tell us and we can make this easy."

The sky above them goes a sickly shade of grey, and there are bolts flashing behind those blue eyes.

The demigod looks between them, fear finally seeping in. But they see Percy's smirk and something becomes visibly stone in their expression.

"Fuck you. I'll kill both of you."

The world detonates and green eyes dance with laughter as the demigod claws at their throat, eating lightning like candy.

"Tell us." The blonde's voice is deathly quiet. Soft with malice.

"Chiron." They gasp. Their body stiffens, hazel eyes freezing in an expression of horror. And with a single flick of his wrist Jason effaced the air from the demigod's lungs, carrying it in his golden fingers, and blew a kiss to the sky with that stolen oxygen.

"Gods you're hot," Percy sighs, looking at him with dark eyes and seduction.

"Later," His boyfriend laughs, "First we got a centaur to kill."

He grabs onto those broad shoulders, nuzzling his nose into his neck. Jason wraps his arms around him and kisses his forehead.

"You ready?"

"Fly me away Superman." He giggles.

And so they take to the skies, Percy clinging onto him with all his might and Jason laughing into the world.

"Why do I let you convince me this is a good idea?" He groans, "I hate this."

"The excuse to hold me outweighs your fear," The blonde whispers in his ear.

"It's your fault for being so godsdamn attractive."

His answer is met with laughter, and happiness, and never-ending love.

"Do we have to kill Chiron?"

Jason's body goes taut with anger, not at him. Never at him. "He tried to hurt you. He will not get away with that."

"I know," Percy winces, "But he raised me in this world. It seems... wrong?"

"What do you want to do instead?" The blonde finally gets out. Compromise. Collaboration. He knew it took a lot to get to this stage.

"Maybe we could—"

The Son of Jupiter gasps, his whole body shuddering.

In an instant Percy knows something is wrong, very, very wrong. A growing pool of blood is growing on the blonde's shirt, and a pretty wooden arrow is sticking out of his back.

"What the fuck?" He yells, looking around for the shooter.

"Perc," His boyfriend whispers, "I can't hold us up for much longer.

And then they're plummeting to the ground, wind screaming in their ears, twin hearts beating faster than a hummingbird’s wings.

But Percy is not afraid. For below them is the ocean and in his many years of living that great blue expanse has always been a safe place, a comfort, a protector. So they hurtle to their watery end and when they hit the sea Percy feels himself come alive.

He snaps the arrow at his boyfriend's back and puts a bubble of air around him.

"Here," He offers the ambrosia with a stern look, "Eat."

"We have to go out there and kill them."

His smile is vengeance incarnate, "Oh we will.” It was fine when it was just him they were attacking but to target Jason. To target his love. There are no lines he wouldn’t cross, no place too dark to venture to. He is a hypocrite for it. But he doesn’t care. “First you're going to heal. Because this isn't going to be quick. They will suffer for drawing even a drop of your blood."

Jason's eyes widen, darken, fill with desire, "I love it when you get like this."

"Destructive?" He grins.

"Powerful."

And then his boyfriend is pulling him close and kissing him like the world ends today. He can taste the ambrosia still dissolving on his tongue, more than that he can taste lightning and potent love. The kiss is rough and stinging and full of teeth. But it's raw with hunger and relief too.

"Let's go have some fun." Jason breathes.

And he can't help but giggle with anticipation as they rise through the ocean and walk across it.

The destroyer and his healer.

An arrow flies towards them. With a single swipe of his hand Percy shatters the cool metal. Jason gathers the shards in the air and watches as they group to form a broken spear pointing back at their attackers.

With a whispered hum the broken pieces fly across the sea and pierce six hearts perfectly.

Finally the two reach land, grainy sand sinking under their weight as they take in the scene in front of them. Twenty centaurs, four demigods, and an array of bodies convulsing on the ground as their own arrows slice their organs.

"Why?" Percy tilts his head, staring directly at the centaur he had known for so much of his life.

"You are too powerful. We cannot risk letting you roam free. We must keep the balance." Chiron's voice is almost robotic, as if he had rehearsed the words so many times they've lost all meaning.

"Roam?" He laughs, "I do not roam. I'm not a fucking animal. I live." He glances at the crowd, "And you are afraid because you do not know how to."

"Shoot him." Chiron bellows.

They all pull their bows taut, eyes gleaming with misplaced hate. The arrows let loose. Soar towards them.

"I don't think so." Jason smirks. And suddenly those deadly shafts are frozen midair, hanging like gleaming charms.

Someone gasps, another faints, dies from fear.

"Leave us alone Chiron." The Son of Jupiter says softly. It is not a request. It is a command.

"Stand your ground," The old centaur mutters grimly.

"You know you will not walk away from this." Jason's voice is music, and melodies, and opulent demolition.

Percy can't hold in a beam as he stares at the blonde. Now is probably not the time to be drooling over himself with attraction but there's just something about Jason Grace like this that makes him feral with excitement, temptation.

"Stand your ground!" The centaur screams.

And it works because everyone, cowering or not, straightens their backs and sets hard gazes on the two demigods.

They release twin sighs, knowing they tried their best.

"Why does no-one ever listen?" He rolls his eyes.

"You think at some stage they'd learn." His boyfriend snorts. And the arrows still suspended in the air quake, as if trying to break from their hold.

"Shall we then?" He turns to meet that electric gaze.

Jason let's the arrows go and Percy whips his arm in a circular motion, lifting the ocean from behind them and slamming it into the crowd of killers.

Bloodied and choking the diminishing group sprint towards them, arrows bouncing out of their skin.

They don't get more than ten steps before lightning rains down, stabbing their every orifice. And just to make it special Percy feeds each of them ocean water and laughs as their insides fry, electrocuted by the sea and the sky.

It is over in a matter of seconds, not a body moving, twitching, breathing. Except one. A demigod with bright hair, drunk on fear.

"Please," She begs, "Please don't kill me.

"You tried to kill us even when we asked you not to. Why should we give you the courtesy?" He spits.

"Please," She cries, and that's all she says, all she mutters over and over again.

"Lucky for you," Jason shrugs, "We like to have one survivor to pass the warnings on. The stories."

She whimpers, clawing at the sand in an attempt to get away.

Percy laughs, wraps the earth around her ankles. "Not so fast. Tell them. Tell all of them what happened today. And make sure they know that it was not us who started it. But we gladly finished it."

"Nobody ever wants the villains to win," The blonde looks at her sympathetically, "But I ask you this: if we are the villains of your story, who do you think are the villains of ours?"

Her eyes widen, and then she turns on her side and heaves.

"Take care darling," He waves, "And here's some ambrosia for that wound on your side." He tosses her the little bag of golden squares with a wink.

And then Percy Jackson and Jason Grace link hands, glance at the decimation they caused and share twin smiles.

Villains or heroes?

No, that had never applied to them. They had always be something else, something more.

They are gods.

#Jercy #Percy Jackson #Dark jercy #Dark Jason #Dark percy #Baby fanfic #Baby fanfic series #PJSSG fanfic #PJSSG asks #Anon asks #Fanfic requests #Ciara's Convos #She speaks #not edited #Jason grace

[consumeconstantly]

SBGS ch 6

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | ao3 

2:00AM | CoffeeVamp: marinette dupain cheng could step on me and i would thank her

CoffeeVamp: did you all see how bad ass that girl was

CoffeeVamp: she was just like demon spawn is robin? Well fuck you for being in paris

CoffeeVamp: and her file oml this girl does so much for paris and he classmates treat her like CRAP

Daddy: How do you know her Damian? Clearly you guys have met before. Can you really trust her with your identity?

Jesus: this girl has been keeping her own secret identitieS under wraps for years I doubt she’ll rat 

CoffeeVamp: DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON MDC 

CoffeeVamp: all i ever wanted was for MDC to design smth for me but u ruined ALL my chances demon spawn !!!!

2:15 AM | TheOG: I think we can trust her

TheOG: Don’t think she trusts us tho

CoffeeVamp: yea what was with the zip ties 

CoffeeVamp: do you have smth to tell us ;))) 

CoffeeVamp: have u been getting spicy in paris ;))) 

CoffeeVamp: remember to use protection we don’t need any mini yous around

LadyLady: she’s good. I can see why Ladybug trusts her

DemonSpawn: She’s a friend I met in Paris. She can keep a secret.

2:20 AM | DemonSpawn: I regret not trusting her. 

CoffeeVamp: i cant believe that u thought someone who was nice enough to spend time wu willingly could be a supervillain

Jesus: that’s pretty fucked up man

Jesus: Surprised she didn’t rail on you more for that. I would’ve given you a beat down

LadyLady: u need a game plan to get her on your side. She doesn’t have a good reason to trust u anymore and id like it if we were on good terms with the one person that can contact lb

The OG: ^^ babs is always right

TheOG: you only have two weeks

DemonSpawn: How do I get on her good side?

Jesus: you better hope and pray because girls like that do not forgive easy

TheOG: try being her friend again

Jesus: like she wants to be his friend anymore

LadyLady: Apologize to her.

#

Jason is right.

It’s clear that Marinette does not want to be involved with him any longer. Marinette comes in right as the bell rings, then faces firmly ahead and doesn’t spare him a single glance. Notes that he slips to her are ignored. She doesn’t check her phone for his texts except for once, when she texts him: anything related to last night will be discussed out of school.

Instead of going home for lunch, she willingly sits with Lila, just so she can avoid him cornering her in the bakery. Damian watches them from a distance, but he’s close enough to hear most of the conversations. Most of their other classmates are taken in by some video on Alya’s. There’s a quick exclamation from the Ladyblogger, saying something about being able to meet some American celebrity, and she and the rest of the class run off to somewhere else, though not before inviting Lila and Adrien. They’re turned down, and Marinette continues to sit with the two of them.

“We’ve got a photo shoot together later today.” Adrien sounds tired. Like he’s giving up, almost. 

“Would you like to come, Marinette?” 

Damian can’t make out Marinette’s reply, but she must say yes, because Lila’s calculated facade slips away to reveal shock and interest. Lila entwines her fingers with Adrien’s, an act Adrien clearly isn’t expecting, as he flinches. 

Marinette levels a glance at Lila, who looks surprised at Adrien’s reaction, not that Damian can blame her; she practically hangs off Adrien every day, playing up their couple relationship for the media, and Adrien never reacts like this. He inches closer. Lila reaches out to touch Adrien on the shoulder, in a gesture of soothing, but Adrien flinches again, this time gaining a distant look in his eyes and starting to breath hard. Lila goes to kneel--it’s clear that Adrien is on the verge of a full blown panic attack-- but Marinette holds Lila by her arm and shakes her head, gesturing for her to wait off to the side. 

Adrien’s reactions are trademarks of an abuse victim. His reactions are rather dramatic in comparison to the clenched jaw and distant eyes that he normally sees in kids in Gotham, which leads Damian to the conclusion that this is either a more recent thing, or when he is abused, he emphasizes his weakness in attempt to get the attacker to stop. The question of who seems rather redundant; everyone knows that Adrien Agreste is the sheltered, sunshine boy who never stepped a foot out of his mansion before turning twelve. Though he models, his actions are still highly restricted. There’s not really much of a chance for Adrien’s abuser to be anyone other than the people within his immediate vicinity, so the suspects were his father, the personal assistant, his drive, or someone he works with.

He’ll have to keep this information in mind moving forward. Though Damian ordered extensive background checks on each and every student at Francois Dupont, he only read the profiles of the people in his class, and only keeps tabs on the people that are of interest.nIn Mlle. Bustier’s class, the only people who Damian is interested in are Marinette, for obvious reasons, Lila Rossi, for the sheer number of times she was akumatized during year two of Hawkmoth’s presence, Chloe Bourgeois, who may not be Francois Dupont student, let alone in France at the moment, but has a parent who currently sits at the top of his family’s Hawkmoth suspect list and has gotten countless people akumatized, and Adrien Agreste, the only person other than Marinette who hasn’t been akumatized in the akuma class. If Adrien really is being abused-- and he doesn’t really see any reason for Adrien to fake the symptoms, given that there’s really nothing for him to gain out of this situation-- that knocks him up a space on the list of Hawkmoth suspects. Victims of abuse, especially in a high profile situation, are often likely to either lash out or coop themselves up. Since he isn’t purposely excluding himself from activities, given that he converses with Marinette, Lila, and two other classmates named Nino and Alya, it’s possible that he has adopted Hawkmoth as an alter ego to pursue revenge. 

All this, of course, is mere speculation. Before making any abrupt jumps in his logic, like he did with Marinette-- though he defends himself with the fact that his thoughts on her being Hawkmoth were mere speculation, and that it was merely coincidence or a case of extremely bad luck that Marinette… what, thought he was Hawkmoth as well and then passed the information onto Ladybug? Now that he thinks about it, the whole situation seems ridiculous, and he finds that Ladybug’s lack of tact when coming face to face with her supposed arch-nemesis doesn’t befit a hero of her caliber. She seemed oddly emotional about the whole thing, like his existence as Hawkmoth was a personal betrayal. But Ladybug and Damian never met before that. Why did Ladybug take Marinette’s personal vendetta upon herself? His head hurts.

Damian finds himself walking over to their table, where Marinette is speaking in soothing tones, careful not to touch Adrien at all. He calms down enough to start breathing regularly. Even though his eyes are still watery, he looks up at Marinette with a tentative smile. Marinette looks back at him with such pure, unadulterated love, that Damian blinks slowly to make sure he’s not seeing things. There aren’t many people who show emotions that don’t have some hidden barb underneath, or an undercurrent of a different emotion alongside it. 

Then, Marinette sends a calculating look at Damian, and a briefer one at Lila and Adrien. 

“Lila, can I talk to you in private for a moment?” Although Marinette’s tone keeps to a pleasant range, Damian finds it rather familiar. Like when Alfred pulls him or one of his brothers to the side to politely tell them what they’re doing wrong and how to remedy it. But there’s a bit of genuine ferocity in Marinette’s tone, and the Italian girl steps back. 

“Adrien, I’m going to leave you here with Damian just for a second, okay? I’ll be right back, and if you need me for anything, just call.” She gives Damian a look that says if you hurt this boy, I will end you and heads off with Lila. 

“Damian,” Adrien says. He’s trying to come off as calm and cheery. He misses the mark terribly. Somehow, Damian gets the feeling that the boy isn’t very good at bottling up his emotions, odd, considering that he’s grown up partially in the limelight. “I see you’re well acquainted with our everyday Ladybug. She really is amazing.”

There’s a touch of awe, and it makes Damian uncomfortable for no good reason. 

He’s not sure how to deal with people who look like they’re about to cry. Damian doesn’t have to deal with that. Dick’s in charge of any emotional clean up that’s necessary in the public; Alfred helps his family manage their emotions in the manor. He decides that going with the flow is the best option in this situation. An everyday Ladybug. What an interesting piece of terminology.

“She is.” Damian admits,  “We’re not currently on the best of terms.” 

Damian will be surprised if Marinette even manages to civilly work with him for the rest of the week. He wasn’t expecting their subsequent interactions after last night to be the same as they were prior to her finding out that he was Robin and thinking that she was Hawkmoth, but he thought she would just interact coolly with him. Not this silent treatment. She refuses to talk to him and only looks at him with some combination of disdain and ill intent. 

He can’t manage to give her the same treatment, both because he is on a mission and because he can’t fault her for thinking that he was Hawkmoth. The situation is really, rather comical, but he spent enough time ruminating on his actions the previous night to pick up on all of the red flags that made her come to that conclusion, and even is she was a hero for a short period of time, he can’t expect someone who is, by and large, a civilian to have the same investigative capabilities his family does. If anything, he is ashamed of himself for jumping to the conclusion that she was Hawkmoth, when instead, it turned out she is working for Ladybug. 

However, the Marinette he’s seen so far doesn’t seem the type to hold grudges, especially not when it comes to any pressing issue, and he finds that all of the decisions she makes are heavily logic-based and influenced by Sabine’s values, who is definitely an upright woman if he’s ever seen one. Marinette has too strong of a work ethic to actually ignore Damian when it comes down to it, but he has to wonder why she acted so blatantly hostile to him. Her character combined with her actions just don’t match up, which means there's another reason why she’s acting this way. 

While Damian excels at extracting raw data and testimonies from people due to brute force, and is decent enough at getting people to do what he desires, determining the source of a person’s frustration, what drives a person-- he needs more work with that. He’s much better at getting people mad. And Damian doesn’t think he’s seen Marinette mad at anyone except for Celia DeVries. She has nerves made of steel and patience carved from diamond.

“I hope you figure it out.” Adrien says with such sincerity that it’s frightening. He’s surprisingly pure-hearted for a model entrenched in a mega corporation like Gabriel. The entertainment industry, particularly the fashion side of business, is a very cut throat world. Adrien doesn’t seem like a person who’s been in the public eyes for years. “Please be a better friend to her than I am. I really wanted to do more for her, but my hands are... tied.”

Lila is subdued when she and Marinette return. Her eyes dart to Adrien, and she frowns and bites her bottom lip. Then she looks away and crosses her arms. 

“Let’s get back to class. I’m excited to go to the photoshoot after school! I haven’t spent any time with you in so long, Adrien.” Marinette doesn’t sound like she’s faking it. She sounds so genuinely happy, and Damian wonders if he can make her sound like that again. If he ever made her sound like that. 

Adrien looks at Marinette, then asks Damian, “Would you like to come too?”

The look that Adrien gives him tells him to say yes, even though he can feel the cold that radiates off Marinette. Damian agrees; it’s time to try Barbara’s suggestion and apologize, and since he doubts that he’ll get a word in edgewise when they’re working together at night, he has to try apologizing sooner.

The rest of the school day slips by in a blur. 

Then, the four of them are out on the streets, and Damian finds their combination unnerving, to say the least. He’s still on bad terms with Marinette, and Marinette has never been on the best terms with Lila. She’s going to this shoot solely for the opportunity to be with Adrien, and something about that unsettles Damian. Still, regardless of how Damian feels, the photographer on the set of Adrien and Lila’s shoot loves all four of them.

“Fantastico! Adrien’s friends are rare finds. It’s true about what they say; beautiful people, they associate with beautiful people.” The photographer flits around Damian and Marinette, getting uncomfortably close. Damian shoots him a glare, but the photographer simply takes it in stride.

“Yes, yes, the most beautiful eyes, so passionate. The perfect measurements, too! Lara,” he calls to one of his assistants, “Get them all to makeup. These four are who I’ve been waiting for to fulfil my vision of envy. Gabriel will have to wait on his magazine spread. I’ve been inspired!” The photographer circles the four of them, like a hunter and his prey. 

Out of nowhere, the photographer grasps Marinette’s chin, and despite the initial flinch she gives-- he’s not sure whether she was going to kick or punch him, but the sudden spitfire in her eyes said she was going to do something-- she settles into a locked jaw and curled fingers. Damian sees a slight jump from Adrien as well, which seems unusual; on the way over, he talked about how he worked with this photographer before and was very comfortable with him. He regaled them with funny stories of how he tended to reference spaghetti in shoots that were less pleasant to make the models laugh. 

“Ah, Adrien, you have truly delivered the favor of Fortuna upon me. I cannot believe I never saw this earlier. You have brought this girl to shoots before, have you not? I never forget a beautiful face, even when I am focused on other things.” 

Marinette calmly displaces Vincent’s hand from her face. “Thank you for the kind words, Monsieur, but I think it best that we just watch the originally planned shoot. I am no model and have no interest in being one.”

Vincent gives Marinette a once over, like he’s not used to people disagreeing with whatever vision he has for the day. “From one artist to the next-- this project is important to me. I’ve had the idea for years, but have yet to come across the perfect models to portray it. What will it take to convince you? ”

At this, nearly all the tension that Marinette has coiled up in her shoulders dissipates. Vincent has said the right thing. “I see. Really, Vincent, I think it’s best that you continue with the Gabriel shoot. M. Agreste wouldn’t be happy if he found out that his spread was delayed.”

“But the Muse, Mademoiselle! She runs away so quickly. And the four of you are perfect.” Vincent turns to the other three. 

“Surely, you understand. Mlle. Rossi, M. Agreste, you must have felt an urge to do something so strongly that it pulls you in. And you,” he looks more closely at Damian. “You are an artist as well, aren’t you Monsieur? I can tell. It’s in the hands and eyes. Art, she comes, but she is fickle. If I don’t do this now, it will be gone forever. And the pursuit of true art means more than any Gabriel spread.”

Surprisingly, it is Adrien who responds first. “I might not understand art, Vincent, but I know what you’re talking about. The feeling of wanting to do something badly, to set yourself free…”

He twists his ring. Marinette looks at him sadly again, hands twitching like she wants to hold him to provide comfort. 

“Besides, I don’t really want to do a Gabriel spread today. I haven’t spent time with friends in a long time, and I don’t think anything could make me happier than doing a photoshoot with you three right now.”

This makes Lila look at Adrien in a curious sort of way. Not the sad look that Marinette is giving him, but one of a slowly dawning realization. When Adrien references her as a friend, she looks happy. Proud, almost. Then, she looks like she’s connecting dots in her head, and she doesn’t look happy with the conclusion that she’s drawn. As soon as the frown  touches her lips, Lila shifts back to an impeccably crafted mask. 

Damian doesn’t agree with the sentiment that they are friends. He has barely had a full conversation with the blond, though he will admit that Adrien does have more of a brain than the rest of his classmates. He looks at the ill-concealed shadows beneath Adrien’s eyes and sees Tim.

Lila agrees almost immediately after Adrien finishes speaking. “Inspiration is fleeting. Art waits for no one.”

Marinette purses her lips. She asks Vincent, “You won’t get in any trouble for this?”

“I can handle any backlash Gabriel throws at me. Heaven knows that man has pissed off one too many photographers before.”

“You can, but what about everybody else involved?” She looks at Adrien, specifically. He fidgets with his ring again, and sends Marinette a look so pleading that she sighs. “Fine. I don’t mind doing the shoot.”

“Fantastico!” He turns his gaze to Damian.

“I’ll do it.” He’s never been particularly fond of photographers, given that the invasiveness of the media has led his family to various unpleasant situations, but Cass went through a photography phase, and out of all of his ‘sibling’ relationships, he is the most willing to indulge her. 

“Will you tell us what the subject of the shoot is?” Marinette has inched closer to Adrien. Adrien pauses, stops fidgeting with his ring, and looks at Marinette. A world weary smile creeps onto his face, and his hand reaches out for Marinette’s like he wasn’t expecting himself to do that. He looks surprised when he finds his hand in hers, tenses for a moment. But Marinette doesn’t say anything, and rubs soothing circles on the back of his hand with her thumb. This seems to relax him more than fidgeting with his ring. He sags, and Damian can’t bring himself to feel anything but pity for Adrien. Lila looks curious, but not jealous. 

Vincent surveys the four of them again, a growing smile on his face. “No, I think the four of you are already perfetto. A little direction here and there, but yes, yes, this is very good.”

“Lara, bring them to makeup. You know what to do. I must set up! Don’t call Gabriel; we will most likely be taking this to a second location at sunset.” Then, Vincent is off, muttering something in Italian under his breath. 

“Thank you so much for agreeing to do this shoot,” Adrien rambles as soon as they get into makeup. “Vincent is such a great photographer and he’s taken really good care of me over the years. He’ll take good care of all of you as well.”

He continues, a little softer. “I really wanted to spend time with the three of you, together. I--I think it would be really nice if we could all be friends.”

Damian has his eyes closed because eyeshadow is being applied, but he can practically feel the surprise rolling off Marinette.

“Adrien, we are friends already.” 

“We are, but we’re not really close. The only person I talked to often was Nino, and recently, father has-- ” he breaks off, looking exceedingly uncomfortable, before speaking quickly in an attempt to speak up before losing his nerve. “But I don’t just mean friends with me, I mean the four of us. I want the four of us to be friends.”

The makeup artist who is working on Adrien shushes him, but Damian gets to open his eyes. Adrien is clearly nervous. He’s not shaking-- he is bred far too well for that-- but he has reverted back to fidgeting with his ring. He tries to bite his lip, but the makeup artist shakes her head and tuts.

The girls are both silent, and Adrien looks so nervous that he has to do something. He doesn’t think he’s interacted like this with anyone as nervous as Adrien before; his brothers were all big personalities, as were the Teen Titans. He may have come across nervous or anxious civilians as Robin, but those situations were more straight and cut, involving little to no talking. Damian decides to that a cross between how he interacts with Dick and how he interacts with the people he saves is the best bet for this situation, though his tone comes out more condescending than he planned.

“Why the four of us?” Damian can’t really see why Adrien has singled out the four of them. As far as he can tell, there’s no good blood between them. Adrien, Marinette, and Damian all harbor varying levels of dislike or discomfort towards Lila; Adrien, Lila, and Damian have all fucked over Marinette in various ways (or so he Damian assumes on Adrien’s part-- he is sure they would have been closer, otherwise); Lila, Marinette and Damian haven't talked to Adrien in any capacity that implies that they're more than mere acquaintances; Damian has done nothing that would put himself in the favor of the three. 

Adrien fidgets even more, and the makeup artist smacks him and says that she doesn’t want to have to redo his eyeliner. “I think we all have a lot in common. And, I might not be good at showing it, but I like the three of you.”

Marinette makes some noise in disbelief and Lila narrows her eyes. 

“Hear me out on this, guys. All of us try to help people when we can,”

“That’s basic human decency, Adrien,” Marinette says.

“Me, helping people?” Lila scoffs.

“We help people out more than most people do-- and Lila, you really do help people. Sure, you might not have been telling the truth about all of the celebrities or all of the charities you worked with, but you’ve helped a lot of charities throughout the years.”

Damian quirks an eyebrow. “And me?”

“I’ve heard about Silverstein and Company.” Adrien says, then continues on with his list of Reasons Why They Should Be Friends. 

“None of us like telling people about our problems.”

This is met with no resistance.

“And we’re also all lonely.”

Silence. 

Marinette’s makeup artist breaks up the oppressive silence, “And all good looking to boot!”

“It’s true what they say about the most beautiful,” Lila’s makeup artist says, “They’re always so troubled.”

Marinette laughs, but it’s strained. “Don’t worry Mademoiselle. We’re just being teens.”

“Loneliness isn’t a good reason to form relationships.” Lila says. Her voice is quiet. She looks off to some fixed point in the distance.

“It’s not the worst reason there ever was,” Adrien shrugs, satisfied now that he’s said his piece. His shoulders are back a little more now. Whatever happens next is up to them, not him. “And I like all of you. I think we all have very unique personalities that could work well together.”

Marinette shrugs her shoulders. “If there’s one thing that I’ve learned about relationships, it’s that initial compatibility means very little in the grand scheme of things. Relationships can work as long as you work for them. They might not be the fairy tale storyline that people chase after, but relationships that are worked on last longer. Adrien could be right. We might be able to all be good friends.”

Lila fixes Marinette with a stare. “You’re willing to be my friend? After what I did to you?”

Marinette shouldn’t be willing to be friends with Lila after what she did. In fact, after reading multiple books on healthy relationships when trying to cope with Chloe way back when, she shouldn’t be willing to be friends with any of them. It feels fucked up, but Marinette realizes that Damian, who believed she was a super villain, has the least strikes against a healthy relationship currently. 

Even though Marinette knows that circumstance doesn’t excuse any of them-- Marinette doesn’t excuse her stalkerish tendencies back when she first met Adrien, either-- she knows that the three of them are just teens who have too many responsibilities and problems on their shoulders. They’re capable of change, and as both Ladybug and Marinette, she wants to believe that someone’s past actions doesn’t mean they can’t move forward. Perhaps their current actions should be taken with a healthy dose of cynicism, and perhaps their past colors how much Marinette will be able to trust them in certain areas, but throughout her years of existence she’s seen that there is no person who has only done good in their life.

“You’ve been better lately. I respect someone who changes themselves for the better.” What Marinette doesn’t say; she’s mostly willing to try this tentative friendship out for Adrien’s sake, because Lila seems to be the only one who can get Gabriel Agreste on her side and Marinette needs her help if she and Adrien’s trust if she can ever dream of emancipating Adrien. 

Marinette is also confident that Lila is currently coming into her own, and knows that Lila didn’t have any good example to model herself after during her formative years. The fact that she’s changing now? It’s honestly pretty impressive, and even more so considering the people that are in Mme. Bustier’s class aren’t exactly cut from the most inspirational cloth. Why Lila is trying to change is something Marinette is curious about, but they’re definitely not close enough for Marinette to ask Lila that. There is also the very important fact that Lila has not been akumatized this entire year, nor has she gone out of her way to encourage someone else’s akumatization.

A small smile settles on Lila’s face. “Thank you. For what it’s worth, I am … sorry for what I did to you back then.”

Marinette hums with her eyes closed as a light layer of shadows placed on her crease. “I accept your apology. While we’re on this topic, I’d like to apologize to Adrien. I’m sorry that I haven’t been a very good friend to you. You’re an amazing person, and I want you to know that. Your self-worth should never be degraded by other people, and I really hope that you can come to rely on me.”

A watery, affectionate smile from Adrien. “Marinette, you’ve always been one of my best friends.”

“I regret what I said to you yesterday,” Damian cannot muster an apology-- he does not apologize, certainly not for doing his job, but Marinette is… useful. He needs her to accomplish her mission, and she’s kind. 

There is no verbal response from Marinette, but she’s looking at him, at least. She hasn’t looked at him all day besides the one glare she gave him that told him to take care of Adrien. 

Lila looks between the two of them. “What are you sorry for? I was under the impression that the two of you were great friends.”

He is sorry, if only slightly, but it takes a lot for him to get an apology. If anything, Marinette should be apologizing to him, for mistaking him as Hawkmoth, right? “Last night was--”

Marinette cuts him off with a sharp laugh. “Damian here thought I was Hawkmoth.”

Adrien bursts out laughing. “Oh my god, you thought Marinette was Hawkmoth? Out of all the Parisians you could choose! You know she goes around the city saving random people, right? She’s our everyday Ladybug. Doesn’t sound very supervillainy to me.”

Lila laughs too, and the tension in the preparation room finally breaks. “Please, if Marinette were Hawkmoth, she would have gotten Ladybug and Chat Noir’s Miraculous already. Have you seen what a planner she is?”

This gets Adrien to fake shudder. “It’s true. If Marinette really were Hawkmoth, she’d be so powerful. She knows everybody’s deepest fears, can kick ass and take names, and can come up with the weirdest plans that solve everybody’s problems in an instant. Imagine if she went to the dark side.”

“She would make an awful akuma.” Lila agrees. “How powerful you are as an akuma is linked to how strong you are mentally and how strong your emotions are when the butterfly lands on you. Whatever makes Marinette upset enough to have an akuma after her would probably be the result of some very strong emotions.”

“She’d be strong enough to level the entire city.”

Marinette is bright red, and if it were not for the fact that mascara is being applied to her lashes, she’d probably have her face buried in her hands. “Okay, okay, I would be an awful akuma. But I won’t ever be akumatized, so it’s fine.”

Adrien thinks of Marinette being an akuma more, and his face goes pale. “She really would be able to steal Ladybug and Chat Noir’s Miraculouses successfully.”

“No, she’s too morally righteous to do that. She’d probably go after Hawkmoth and win while she was akumatized.” Lila looks pensive. “All akumas retain most of their original personality traits, just exaggerated. Some even have some semblance of control over their actions.”

“If that wouldn’t be one of Anime’s top 10 betrayals, I don’t know what is. Hawkmoth akumatizes Marinette and then she rightfully kicks his ass.”

“Guys,” Marinette hisses. “I won’t ever become an akuma. Never.”

“You say that like you can refuse Hawkmoth,” Lila laughs. “You can certainly go after akumas, but refuse them? No way.”

Adrien zeroes in on Marinette’s hesitance. “Have you?”

Marinette shifts in her seat, her mouth set into a grim line.

“You have,” Adrien says with a touch of awe. Damian is impressed too; no reports of people being able to refuse an akuma have passed through the many hours of research he’s spent scouring the internet. He understands why Ladybug put so much trust in Marinette. “When?”

This sets Marinette on edge. Her back straightens into a board. 

Lila picks at her fingernails in shame. “Did I?”

Marinette doesn’t respond, but the tremble of her mouth and her silence answers the question well enough. 

Damian doubts he’ll ever get the full story of what happened that first year when Lila arrived. Marinette isn’t one to snitch, and Lila is both unwilling and tentatively ashamed of the past. Adrien won’t answer out of courtesy. Damian will never go to any of the other classmates to hear a bastardized version of what went down. He supposes he’ll never find out the whole truth.

Marinette’s stylist claps her hand. “Okay, enough teenage angst for today. All of your makeup is done, so it’s time to get into your outfits. Let’s go, kids.”

They’re silent as they dress.

#

The shoot is a flurry of excitement. There are many whispered conversations, but Marinette can’t keep track of half of them. Whenever she isn’t in a shot-- which is fairly rare as she seems to be the main subject of whatever Vincent is shooting for-- Marinette focuses on what needs to happen next. Though she’s still not currently the biggest fan of Damian or the Justice League, she will give them a fair chance, because as much as she hates to admit it, she needs the help. Batman is right. Even though she wasn’t actively working on the case for the first year, she still had plenty of time to gather evidence to back up her main suspects. Her lack of expertise in technology hinders progress greatly.

Not to mention that because Marinette was so wary about hurting Adrien and so swamped trying to keep a balanced schedule, she wasn’t able to find enough evidence to feel safe in her convictions. Master Fu warned her of incorrectly accusing Gabriel in the eye of the public, and he hasn’t come out to fight since the Scarlet Moth incident. She’s tried to investigate Gabriel in his own house, but any evidence slips through her fingers. He’s a very careful man.

 Now that the promise of college is coming up, Marinette needs to take Hawkmoth down. Marinette doesn’t want to continue her schooling in France. Not anymore. She wants to go to a foreign college, where dreams of akumas won’t plague her at every step. Half the reason she finds herself on the streets as a civilian constantly is to erase the gory imagery of death and blood that linger in her mind eye from akuma battles. Seeing happy and alive citizens in all of the areas where Hawkmoth attacked make her feel better, but aren’t enough to chase away her nightmares entirely.

Marinette moves through the rest of the photoshoot in a haze. When she is in shot, she focuses on whoever she’s shooting with. Lila, with sharp green eyes, barely begins to lower her guard when Marinette directs the conversation towards past modelling shoots she’s been involved with. They interact unnaturally at first, but after starting to talk about Dior’s Spring/Summer ready to wear line, they find that they have similar tastes in silhouettes, though not in color. 

She forces herself to ignore the fiasco that was last night, and talks to Damian about small nothings that don’t touch on anything important. When she runs out of topics, she begins to talk about Renee, and his gaze shifts to something resembling regret and some other emotion she can’t read. Dealing with whatever issues Damian has is not ideal. He’ll have to sort out his feelings on his own.

Adrien’s expressions are the easiest to read. Whenever he’s in a shot with Marinette, he is happy, plain and simple. There is less weight on his shoulders, and as Marinette attempts to cheer him up with poorly thought out puns, he looks like a kid again. He even starts punning back, and Marinette can’t believe how much she missed that. Chat Noir stopped punning a while ago, and it hurt in unexpected ways. 

Really, Marinette just wants Adrien to be happy. Adrien is Chat Noir. Her best friend. Her partner. Marinette thinks Adrien deserves the world. She wants to pave a path for him so that his entrance into the adult world is easier, because the facade Gabriel has built of a picture perfect family attempting to cope with the loss of a mother and wife isn’t what Adrien needs.

Maybe Marinette wants him to have the childhood he wasn’t afforded. Marinette clings to warm memories of her own childhood, where Maman trained her in self defense and Papa taught her how to bake when things get particularly hard nowadays. Her heart warms when she sees Adrien give shy smiles to Damian and Lila. She’s proud when he strikes up conversations with them.

In all honesty, the only part of the shoot Marinette remembers is the last section of group photos they take when they move to a second location. It’s a cold day in Spring, which means Parisian tourists are more likely to be found inside an art museum, rather than on the beach. Adrien convinces them all that they should run around the beach, and somehow, they end up playing some extremely difficult version of capture the flag, but without the flags. 

Somehow, Marinette ends up on a team of her own, for the sole reason that she’s the only one wearing white, and the person who holds the opposing team’s flag is Damian. She tackles him onto the sand, but not before both Lila and Adrien are hot on her tail. They end up in a pile, and Adrien’s laughter rings so sweet and true, that Marinette’s heart fills with love. She shifts, so her body is facing skywards instead of into Damian’s arm, and she reaches one arm across Damian’s body to grab Lila’s hand, who flinches at first touch, but relaxes. Marinette’s other hand finds itself tangled in Adrien’s hair, and despite the cold weather, Marinette is content. 

She looks towards the horizon, where the sun is setting in a million different colors, and finds herself longing for a time where every day can be just like this moment.Where there is nothing filling her head except thoughts of the people who make her happy. Her eyes shift straight up.

Where morning fades into night, the sky is so very, very, blue.

#

Marinette’s room turns into an organized warzone at night.

The area of her room that was previously used to hold up various sketches and mood boards for designs in progress turns out not to be an upholstered wall, but a curtain that hides two whiteboards and a small library of books on the psychology of emotional manipulation, manuals of martial arts, and various books on strategy. The shelf above her desk space holds a projector that Marinette uses to project images from her computer onto the left white board. 

“I’ll catch you up on my previous attempts and what you have to know in order for this partnership to work.” She takes her tablet out, flips through several screens, then uses her fingerprint to unlock a folder of notes. “This is a chronological list of things that Ladybug and I have attempted in order to find Hawkmoth’s location. There is a separate folder with suspects for identity that’s alphabetized. If you’re interested in more in depth analyses of past akumas, I can send that to you and your team’s emails now, as most of the information is readily available online. I’m assuming that you have a team, correct?”

“Yes, I can send their email addresses to your number.”

“No, for any information regarding Hawkmoth or superheroes in Paris, you can contact me through this number and email address. Ladybug and I both check it regularly; it’s a safer, more encrypted way of communication.” Marinettte taps her Miraculous communicator and connects it to her computer, so she can work on a bigger screen. “Which person is your main point of contact?”

“Oracle.” 

Marinette contacts Oracle through video call. She doesn’t want to have to explain everything twice even if their partnership turns out to be nonviable. It takes a few moments to get through, but a woman’s face pops up on the screen. She’s a redhead and doesn’t wear a mask. Her coloring is obviously different from the rest of Batman’s affiliates, and despite her initial grievances with the white films over the vigilante’s eyes, she understand why it’s necessary; their suits aren’t magic, and there’s nothing stopping people from running facial recognition software and matching them up to people who reside in Gotham. 

“How did you get this number?” Oracle asks warily. 

Marinette moves her chair slightly so that Oracle can see Damian, who's currently looking at her tablet on her chaise. “I’m Marinette Dupain-Cheng, your point of contact in Paris and the one who will be working with you for the next week. As you can see, Damian’s already viewing some information that Ladybug and I have compiled over the years. Please get the rest of your team on this call. I’d like to get all of the basic information out of the way now.”

“Damian?” The girl on her screen is a dead ringer for the girl they compiled multiple files on yesterday, but she can’t get a trace on where they’re calling from, which makes her suspicious.

Damian shoots her a text, confirming that it is actually him in the room, then goes back to scrolling through the tablet.

Nightwing, Red Robin, Red Hood, and Batman all appear on the screen shortly. 

“Great, the gang's all here,” Marinette says unenthusiastically. “I’ll say it one more time. I’m Marinette Dupain-Cheng and I will be your primary point of contact during your two weeks trial period here in Paris. I’m assuming that your team has been brought up on the events that occurred last night. In order for this attempted partnership to go more smoothly, I will provide you lists of suspects, past attempts at revealing Hawkmoth’s location, and more detailed information about all of the past akumas that have appeared. These files will only be available to you for the week unless the collaboration goes successfully. Damian has already given me your contact information.”

As an afterthought, Marinette adds, “Don’t bother trying to copy any of the files. You won’t be able to. You also won’t be able to pick up on my location through this video call; I’m using a Miraculous Communicator. The magic makes it so that any technology other than another Miraculous will be unable to find any identifying location.”

Marinette knows about this thanks to Max’s brief stint as Pegasus. Though Marinette had not yet learned spells that would allow her to materialize her communicator outside of the time that she was suited up, she had Max try to find Ladybug’s location after sending him a text. He and Markov were both unable to. 

“Since the Justice League insists on sticking their nose where it does not belong,” Marinette can’t help but be bitter about this whole situation, despite the fact that her frustration with Damian has decreased. “Ladybug and I have created a plan to make full use of your resources while you’re still butting in. I’ve sent a list of which organizations need monetary support. Most are affiliated with mental health.”

“Let’s move onto how you guys as a team can help us. As far as I understand, Batman’s team is proficient in technology and investigation. For the past two years that we’ve actively been on the case, nobody has had those skill sets and been in the long term possession of a Miraculous. The police attempted investigation for the first year, but their evidence and information was largely unhelpful. I will give Damian the Miraculous Communicator that I am in possession of to use his skills with so long as he tells me what he’s doing with it and he uses it while I’m in his immediate vicinity. He can try to find out Hawkmoth’s location on it, perhaps with a greater degree of success that we have been able to.”

She goes through the checklist she made one more time, just to make sure that she didn’t miss anything. She doesn’t really expect anything much to come out of this collaboration, except for the reassurance that the Justice League won’t interfere at the end of the week. Speaking of: “One more thing. I want a notarized agreement that the Justice League will not interfere in Paris, nor will any of their agents of affiliates be sent here if this collaboration doesn’t yield information that is already known.”

“Got a lotta spark in you, don’t you, little mouse?” The vigilante called Red Hood-- the one with a helmet instead of a stupid domino mask-- laughs. 

Marinette scowls. So far, the Justice League-- particularly the vigilantes of Gotham-- have not left her with a stunning first impression. Maybe she’s a little biased,  but they certainly don’t seem to have any respect for her. Still, she only has to work with them for two weeks. “My name is Marinette, but clearly your helmet hasn’t shielded you from the memory loss that frequent concussions have clearly given you.”

“She got you there, dumb ass,” says Red Robin, a grin a mile wide on his face.

“Hood,” sighs Oracle, sounding highly stressed. Marinette decides that she is the most likeable. “Like I said earlier, we want to be on good terms with Marinette.”

“I’ll get you the documents and funds by tomorrow.” Batman’s voice is just as gravelly as the first time she contacted him. She finds that the more she hears him speak, the more pleasant she finds his voice. An acquired taste. “Even if this week is unsuccessful, the Justice League will be more than happy to continue to fund these organizations. Is there anything that Ladybug, Chat Noir, or you need personally?”

“None of us are going to use the Justice League’s funds for personal gain, Batman.” The accusations grates on her. 

“Batman means,” Nightwing shoots a look to the side of his screen. Interesting, Marinette thinks. All of Gotham’s vigilantes are in one location, judging by their backgrounds and the location tags that her communicator provides her. Perhaps they have a headquarters of some sort. Back when there were extra heroes on the Miraculous team, Marinette sometimes wished that they had a location that they could all reliably gather at without revealing someone’s identity. It certainly would have made strategy easier. “That being a hero without any support is difficult. It must have taken a toll on your personal lives. If we can aid in any way, we will. We can excuse absences or hire tutors as necessary.”

“I’m no hero.” But Nightwing’s proposal may actually be helpful. Even though Marinette is making the grades necessary to go to the colleges that she wants, her continual absence and tardies aren’t very flattering. 

Then her mind flashes to Adrien. Can she use this offer to get him out from underneath Gabriel’s thumb? Marinette doesn’t know if she can do that. He’s already in a delicate position-- and already at risk, thanks to the photoshoot earlier today-- and she’s not sure that Gabriel won’t move towards drastic measures if anything changes on Adrien’s end. If she wants to get him away from Gabriel, she may have to reveal his secret identity.

“Ladybug will make the decision for herself; she has access to everything that is said during our meetings. Chat Noir isn’t in the loop about our communications or any of the investigations that Ladybug and I have done. Ladybug says that he’s stressed in his civilian life, which is why his appearances have been decreasing,” Marinette admits. “I’ll leave it up to Ladybug to give your offer to Chat Noir. If I can get a reliable excuse to get out of class or get to class late, that would be greatly appreciated.”

“Chat Noir doesn’t know?” Red Robin sounds horrified. 

“He’s currently a high risk for being akumatized. Ladybug didn’t want to risk it.” 

Red Hood crosses his arms. “So you have more of a job than Chat Noir does in all of these Paris heroics, huh?”

Even if Chat Noir did know, Marinette would have her hand in the pie at least twice as much as him. 

“I wouldn’t say that. I’m just more available than he is.”

“And more trusted than he is,” Red Hood insists. 

It’s not that Ladybug trusts Marinette more than she trusts Chat Noir, it’s that Ladybug is Marinette. But she’s not going to admit that. Not to them, and certainly not until Hawkmoth is taken down. Maybe not even then. She can only imagine the looks of devastation that she’ll get if she does admit that she’s been Ladybug all these years. Her parents will freak out, Adrien will probably feel heart broken and betrayed, and Alya and the rest of her classmates will inevitably rail on either her or Lila or both of them. It just doesn’t sound appealing to her anymore, though she can certainly remember a time not so long ago where she so desperately wanted to expose her identity. 

“You’d have to ask Ladybug that,”  Marinette settles on. She copies and pastes one of the many messages that she has pre drafted and schedules it to send a few minutes later, so Batman’s team receives a communication from Ladybug while Marinette is at the white board. She spent all of last night preparing for this meeting, imagining so many scenarios that she barely slept. The email she’s sending will suggest what Damian should attempt to do with the Miraculous communicator that Marinette has. She adds in an extra comment that she trusts Chat Noir with her life, and that she’ll talk to him about offering him help in his civilian life, but won’t mention anything about the Justice League. 

“Why doesn’t Ladybug just use her own communicator to join in on these calls?” Red Robin asks after receiving her email.

Marinette turns from the white board, where she is listing the past three akuma attacks and where her top three suspects were at each of the times. “There may be magic surrounding her identity, but that doesn’t mean Ladybug wants more time for all of you to try to figure out her identity.”

“Sounds irresponsible of her,” says Red Hood. “Leaving a civilian to do all of the dirty work. Who are those people you have listed on the board?”

Marinette decides to let the comment about Ladybug slide. Red Hood is currently her least favorite out of all of Gotham’s vigilantes, but she has to remind herself that respect is mutual, and Ladybug hasn’t really given them much to go on.

“The top three suspects for Hawkmoth. Gabriel Agreste, the CEO and head designer of Gabriel. Nathalie Sancouer, Gabriel Agreste’s personal assistant of over twenty years. Mikael Bordeaux, CFO of Silverstein and Company's French holdings.”

Oracle takes off her glasses and wipes them. “Sounds like your top candidates are all people in pretty high positions.”

“Agreste,” repeats Nightwing. “Agreste, as in Adrien Agreste? The boy that’s in Damian’s class?”

“The same,” Marinette says, not sure she likes where he’s taking this conversation.

“Hold up,” Red Robin says after a few moments. “Why is it that Gabriel Agreste and Nathalie Sancouer are on your list? Both Gabriel and Nathalie have been akumatized before. That should automatically take them out of the running.”

Marinette shakes her head. “That’s what I thought in the beginning, while the police were still in charge of the case. But based on my understanding of akumas, it’s very possible that Hawkmoth can transform, send out an akuma, then detransform and let themself be akumatized.”

The whole Collector incident was a deliberate ploy to throw her off. She spent at least half a year convinced that Gabriel and Hawkmoth couldn’t possibly be one in the same, despite the fact that he had the Miraculous Tome.

“What about Adrien, then? He’s the only one in your class that hasn’t been akumatized, sans yourselves, he hangs out with the people most likely to cause and become akumas, and has caused a fair number of akumas himself. Besides, he must know it if his dad’s Hawkmoth, which means he could be Mayura or even Hawkmoth himself.” Even if Red Robin presented her this theory before Marinette knew Adrien was Chat Noir, she wouldn’t have believed it. 

“Adrien is not Hawkmoth.” Marinette isn’t sure how to explain how she knows without revealing his alter ego. She can’t tell them that he wielded the snake Miraculous either, because that contradicts her earlier statement that she didn’t know any of the other holders.

“Demon Spawn,” Red Hood says. “What do you think about Adrien? You’ve been in a class with him for the past month.”

Damian finally looks up from Marinette’s tablet, blinking to bring himself back into the situation at hand. “What?”

Marinette scoffs, remembering that he thought that she was Hawkmoth. She’s not upset about it, but she doesn’t trust his ability to discern alter egos-- at least not magical alter egos. “I wouldn’t trust Damian’s ability to read people as reliable evidence to tell whether someone is Hawkmoth or not.

This causes a myriad of reactions from Batman’s team and most of them are surprisingly loud. Red Hood whoops, “Roasted,” while Red Robin laughs and pounds the desk in front of them. Oracle smiles wide, her eyes crinkling. Even Batman manages to draw a smile to his face. 

This makes Damian put down her tablet on the chaise and flush slightly. “I said I was sorry for that.”

Marinette thinks about brushing him off in annoyance but decides against it. Just based on the evidence that he gathered, it wasn't an awful assumption, and the Miraculous magic probably prevented him from even thinking about the possibility that she could be Ladybug, leading him to the next most possible conclusion. “It’s fine.”

In fact, even if Marinette can’t trust Batman and his affiliates with Chat Noir’s civilian identity, she should still try to maneuver Adrien away from his current situation. She can call it in as a personal favor to Marinette, and as long as they have human decency, they should agree to her request. She’s been gathering receipts that detail Gabriel’s systemic abuse of Adrien for years. This is a good opportunity to begin Adrien’s emancipation process. She’s currently on her way to a better friendship with Adrien, and since Batman insists the Justice League has all the resources that she wants, there’s no reason not to take advantage of them. She turns back to the camera. 

“Adrien is not Hawkmoth and wouldn’t know whether his father or personal assistant are. In fact, it would be preferable to remove Adrien from Gabriel’s care; Adrien is in danger of being akumatized because of how awfully Gabriel treats him, and I have the evidence necessary to take him to court. I just need a legal team that’s good enough to go against a billion dollar company.” And time to convince Adrien that he needs to leave. That may be a more difficult task, considering the unending love and forgiveness he’s displayed for matters concerning his father so far. Honestly, sometimes Marinette thinks that he never learned how to hold a grudge. 

“Noted. Let’s come back to that later, though. I want to talk about some other suspects you have on this list you gave us.” Oracle readjusts her headpiece and shoots a glare over her shoulder, presumably to tell the rest of her team to quiet down and get back on task. They certainly have an interesting team dynamic. They’re much warmer to each other than Marinette first expected them to be. They’re certainly closer than she and the Miraculous Team had been, when there still was a team, at least.

Oracle shares her screen. On it is a picture of Andre Bourgeois. “If Hawkmoth is able to be akumatized, then Mayor Bourgeois is one of our top suspects. The Justice League has compiled multiple lists of suspects before we sent Damian to Paris. He stopped a lot of international press for akuma attacks and has caused multiple akumas.”

Marinette frowns. Mayor Bourgeois being Hawkmoth crossed her mind a few times, but she always decided that he was largely incapable and had little motivation. “What are your criteria for deciding who might be Hawkmoth? I highly doubt Mayor Bourgeois is Hawkmoth, despite him stopping the press.”

“We determine how many akumas a person has caused, how much damage the akuma caused to the person’s primary residence and workplace, and how well they’re connected to the people being akumatized. Andre Bourgeois has been involved in the akumatization of slightly more than half of all the akumas that have occurred, so long as we include his relation to his daughter and wife and there has been extraordinary little damage done to the arrondissements that he frequents.”

“Interesting. Share the list with the contact information I sent you earlier. You share some of the same criteria as we have come up with, but you’re drawing the wrong information from what you have. Akumas caused is also one of our criteria, as well as the damage that has been done to the person’s residence. I don’t think that a person’s personal relations play much into who ends up being akumatized, however, there’s good reason to believe that Hawkmoth is in a position of power, or at least well connected. They seem to know what’s happening in the city before it ever hits the news.” Marinette opens a program on her computer, then turns on the projector to display a map with pins. 

“We’ve been interested in the location of primary suspects at the time of akumatization; Ladybug believes that Hawkmoth’s Miraculous power is restricted to Paris. Which means that Hawkmoth needs to be in or close to Paris at the times of all akumas, which crossed Mayor Bourgeois of my list a while ago. He’s been absent for multiple akumas when he needed to go to conferences outside of Paris. The purple dots are Gabriel, the red ones are Nathalie, and the blue ones are Michael. You can see that they’ve all been in Paris every time an akuma occurred and within a ten mile radius of where the akuma was first spotted. That’s quite unusual, considering they’re all in high positions of companies that should typically have them travelling.”

 There is also the little detail that Marinette found the Miraculous Tome in the hands of Gabriel Agreste, but Marinette doesn’t feel safe indulging them with that information yet. If she tells them, they will want to see pictures of the book. 

“How haven’t you cracked this case wide open yet?” Red Robin looks at the screen appreciatively. It’s clear that Marinette spent a lot of time on this.

Marinette bristles. She may have a good amount of information, but her proficiency with technology leaves much to be desired. It took her an unnecessarily long time in order to get the map up and running. “Well, Red Robin, that might have something to do with the fact that neither Ladybug nor I knew anything about how to use technology in the way that was necessary to track him once the police handed over the case in the second year. Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that falsely accusing someone as Hawkmoth could ruin their entire life.”

Master Fu warned her against direct actions against anyone on her suspect list. In fact, he outright forbade her from doing anything, and although she no longer takes his words at face value after the many bumps in their relationship, she’s not going to try to ruin any of these people without evidence. Especially not Gabriel, not when he’s Adrien’s father. 

Red Robin frowns. 

Marinette takes a deep breath. She’s too tense. She’s been taking every word that these vigilantes say as something they don’t actually mean. Marinette needs to relax. Jumping to conclusions helps no one. 

Damian’s eyes are on her, and she’s sure he’s passing judgment. She needs to get out of this situation, get out of this headspace. It’s not productive or healthy. 

“I think we should end this meeting now,” Damian says, and Marinette begrudgingly agrees with him. She knows this is his olive branch.

“You were the one who was upset at the lack of time,” Oracle points out. “We don’t have much time. We need every minute we can get.” 

“Marinette has given us plenty of information to digest for one night. We’ll regroup tomorrow and start on coding the programs to determine Hawkmoth’s location.” Damian reaches over Marinette to end the call. 

Obstinately, Marinette refuses to look him in the eyes. She’s been flip-flopping this entire day, and it’s not doing any great wonders for her mental health. Everything’s been coming to a head in these past few days, and it isn’t a good feeling. She can feel the pressure on her shoulders, the expectant gazes of all of Paris to do her duty and expose Hawkmoth, but she feels the weight of the inevitable backlash Adrien will face if her theories are true. 

The past few days feel like three years compressed. People she’s never interacted with have inserted themselves into the fray, and the big leagues have pulled out all the stops. She just talked to Batman and his team. He’s been in the hero game for decades, and she’s in the room with his son, Robin. 

Everything is just too much.

Marinette feels like she’s been a bad Ladybug. Like she hasn’t done enough to find concrete evidence of her primary suspects because she is afraid of what will happen after. She’s half surprised she hasn’t gone into hysterics yet, but then again, she’s gotten very good at holding herself together when everything around her falls apart. The added touch of an outsider makes the fragile balance she’s achieved teeter.

Damian takes her distressed appearance personally and heaves a sigh. “Look, I --I didn’t think that you were Hawkmoth all along, only for a day before everything went down. I don’t know what I wanted out of you, but your friendship was nice. I did genuinely want to be friends with you, and I still do.”

This makes Marinette feel even worse. She’s trying so hard to find fault with Damian-- which is surprisingly easy-- in order to distance herself. She can’t afford to get attached to someone who can hurt her and is likely to hurt her, because an akumatized Ladybug is the last thing Paris needs. But hearing him apologize so genuinely means that Marinette can’t summon up a negative response. She may not be able to say that she truly knows Damian, but she knows that he is a very prideful person. It can’t have been easy for him to apologize to her so openly. An acidic response rests on her tongue for a moment before she pushes it back.

“You were just trying to follow up on a lead. I shouldn't blame you.” 

“But you do.”

He hit the nail on the head. Marinette grimaces, letting her eyes flick over Damian’s hunched shoulders and set jaw. She doesn’t blame him for thinking that she’s Hawkmoth, but she does blame him for getting the Justice League more involved, which makes exactly zero sense if she evaluates the situation logically. Her heart feels like Damian is the element of change; if he never arrived in Paris, Marinette would still have everything under a better semblance of control. It doesn’t matter that Batman said the JLA had been looking into Paris for half a year, and that even if Damian weren’t sent, there would have been someone else.

It’s fitting that in order to move forward, they must break down whatever security that Marinette has built into her life, because life is just cruel enough to mess her up like that. Right now, she’s a wreck mentally, emotionally, and even physically. Marinette can feel her throat closing up. 

“It’s not your fault,” she offers. “And maybe if we get out of our current situation, we can try being friends again. But right now? I-- there’s just too much stress on me, right now.”

Damian understands this, but as he descends the steps of her ladder, Damian can’t help but wish that she felt otherwise.

Omake

“How is it that Mayor Bourgeois is not in your top three suspects for Hawkmoth? He’s stopped a lot of international press about the akuma for the first year!”

Marintte deadpans. “Honestly? The man is way too stupid to ever be Hawkmoth.”

“Haven’t we come to the conclusion that Hawkmoth is stupid though? He couldn’t steal jewelry from two untrained teenagers for years!”

Marinette decides not to take offense at that, and concedes. “Fine, maybe he should be on the list. I’d certainly akumatize Chloe and Audrey Bourgeois if I had to interact with them on a daily basis.”

_______________________________________________________

will these be regularly scheduled? absolutely not, even though i have the whole thing finished because i get the feeling that i am going to Change Things sooner or later (somebody please smack some sense into me everything in this story goes awfully very soon and the plot goes wonky and AHHHH)

#maribat #sbgs #miraculous ladybug #dc #daminette #original content #adrien agreste #lila rossi #marinette dupain cheng #damian wayne

[lovleez]

oner 《恶浪》 mv/film theory

(this is less of a theory and more of a debunking of the mv though)

warnings: mentions of violence, murder (i wont include gifs of the bloody moments but it will be discussed!!!), animal abuse, and a bomb or two ? (someone gets blown up ;-;)

honestly the debunking might get a lil bit dark around the ling chao and ziyang individual parts, so be warned of that!

it would be helpful for you to watch/listen to these to process whats going on here:

oner 《恶浪》 mv (cw blood, murder, animal abuse, & heavy violence - please dont watch if these are triggers for you!!!) (there’s also eng subs in this link ^^)

oner - AGENT  (this is a song, but there’s quite a bit of dialogue near the end that ties into this plot!)  (cw gunshot, beeping noises that resemble a bomb ?? - all at the end of the song w/ the dialogue)

okay lets dive into it d(^-^)> !!!

to get the important info out of the way!

the start of the mv shows the three of them chilling on the couch, as friends do, watching,,well themselves on the screen (oner’s past performances as idols) (and i do believe that the idols part of this has some significance that i can figure out). the important takeaway from the beginning rlly is that they’re three good friends...who are completely unaware of each other’s secret occupations

their occupations being: ziyang, a murderer, yueyue, a spy, and ling chao, a hacker

now to jump into the main story! (starting around 1:35)

yueyue and ziyang both have the same target: the man in the restaurant. however yueyue gets there first and does his job well, as he gets away without being caught. ziyang is frustrated that his target is taken already.

*interesting detail here, but when trying to enter, ziyang shows them a ring with a purple jewel in the middle for entry,,,coincidentally, the man yueyue kills in the bar in his personal segment in the film later also has the same ring? obv the ring is for the restaurant entry so maybe ziyang wasn’t going to kill this “boss” but maybe negotiate/discuss something with him instead...but also thats disproven by the fact that ziyang pulled out a gun to presumably shoot him before realizing the dude was dead....

but also,,,suspicious how there was a zoom in to the purple ring when yueyue kills the man in the bar..maybe it means more than we think it does? altho im not too sure what  to think abt it for now

     for reference:

     ziyang’s ring                                    

     dead man in bar’s ring

.

moving on 

okay so since yueyue is a spy n all, he has to confirm his kill somewhere right? this somewhere is a phone booth,,,one that ling chao has rigged up with a bomb,,,,

speculation: someone hired ling chao to kill someone who will be approaching the phone booth; at this time, lc doesn’t know that this someone is yueyue (and is v shocked to see him there through his cameras as evident by his “what the hell! are you kidding me?”)

....and after this part the film dives into their personal stories to give more background on who  these three are (i’ll expand on those after i finish explaining the present timeline ^^) before coming back to the main story 

so!

ling chao “accidentally” blew up yueyue oh no (he’s still alive tho yey)

& then yueyue holds up a piece of candy,,,and immediately knows its ling chao (cuz its the piece of candy lc was eating earlier in the film) 

(and to take care of all loose ends that my brain is providing me with: in the beginning they didn’t know abt each other’s secret occupations...how does yueyue know that lc is capable of doing this? my answer: they used to be agent buddies!!! i’ll expand on this later hehe)

 .

and so

it was at this moment ling chao knew...he fucked up

he’s afraid yueyue might come after him.

which, is exactly what yueyue does

after going home or somewhere, yueyue receives a text telling him to get rid of “them” (ling chao) bc his “identity is exposed” 

....so now yueyue has to go and hunt down his buddy ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

and they fight! looks very painful for ling chao,,,poor dude,,,

since ziyang comes out from the back door to join the fight, theres two possibilities that come from this:

1) ling chao knew yueyue was coming and knew he couldnt take him down himself (lets be honest; he looks rlly scrawny) so he called ziyang to his location for backup (how could he know ziyang can fight? agent buddies 👐) 

2) ziyang and ling chao live together in the same house

anyways, both results making it obvious that ling chao and ziyang are on the same team while yueyue is on another (lets ignore the fact that ling chao was getting up to fight ziyang as well)

the fight scene is so dramatic oml T-T

ziyang could also be motivated to beat up yueyue in this fight cuz the dude did  take his target before he himself could (loophole: how did ziyang know it was yueyue who took his target? answer: maybe yueyue left like a signature or smthn at the crime scene, or ziyang saw him walk out  ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯ )

and when they all beat the living heck out of each other and are dramatically lying down in different areas of the room 

the tv turns on to a council saying “still want to be idols?”

(and remember, the thing they were watching on tv earlier was themselves performing,,,as idols. i cant connect it further than that so lemme know if yall figure smthn out ^-^)

so mayhaps this council is yueyue’s agency and they wanted to turn the trio against each other...? they would have set this whole situation up: they knew ziyang wanted to kill the restaurant “boss”, so they assigned yueyue to take care of him first, which creates conflict between those two. then, they hired ling chao to rig up a phone booth with a bomb; basically setting him up against yueyue

whether this council succeeds with their plan or not is unrevealed bc the film has a “to be continued” at the end, so the storyline still will have more to it!!!

although i would say the council succeeded since they all did beat each other bruised and bloody

.

that leaves the question: why  is the council setting them up against each other?

what are there previous connections beyond them just being friends 👀 ?

and here i shall bring back the “agent buddies” bit i was talking abt earlier, as well as why i linked the agent song in the beginning

near the end of the mv, there’s quite a lot of dialogue between the three of them, and it goes like this:

[robotic voice: welcome agent oner

ling chao (?): check 

yueyue: yo what up guys!

ziyang: yo what up bro

ziyang (yueyue?): alright lets take them out

yueyue: okay gentlemen we got a lot to do

ziyang: ey we gotta finish this quick, i got a date tonight

yueyue: really?

ziyang: no hard feelings (couldnt catch the rest)

yueyue: okay shut up

ling chao: hey guys, i saw a hit

(?): copy that

yueyue (ziyang?): hold your breath....now

ling chao: guys watch out

yueyue: okay guys locked and loaded

*single shot can be heard, then the reloading of a gun*

yueyue (?): go go go!

yueyue: fire fire fire!

yueyue: ???? *indistinguishable orders*

ziyang?: i got trouble i got trouble

yueyue: ?? i got ?? lets go

ling chao: stay together

ziyang (yueyue??): okay set to kill

ling chao: damn the truck is (blown?)

yueyue: what the hell

ziyang: okay let me (???) it

*bomb beeping noises*

yueyue: ???? clean this blood on my shirt]

(not sure how accurate my hearing is but its enough to make some guesses 😅)

agent buddies! the three of them used to be agents, as the song is titled, at some agency...and they probably made a pretty strong team together

the agency story would explain why they all seem to be good fighters too!

thats why the council might have wanted to tear them apart. perhaps the council was doing something that they knew would displease the trio, so they needed them separated lest they team up and try to defeat them 

i also think this audio could have been describing a mission going wrong for them, possibly their last one as a team. someone was probably hurt (im betting on either ziyang or ling chao), and they quit the agency and aimed to live normal lives from then on

...but old habits are hard to forget, so ziyang starts to kill ppl in his free time, yueyue joined another agency as a spy, and ling chao uses his hacking skills for other purposes

however they all dont tell each other, which could add on to the tension of their fight at the end of the film

.

now to dive into their individual bits of the film. these all don’t connect much to the main lore, just expands onto their lives with their secret occupations btw!

.

YUEYUE

his segment details moments in his daily agent life; im guessing he’s not very happy with it judging by his nightmares? or the nightmares are bringing up his past at his old agency which he does not like

he’s also master of disguise woah

personally i think he’s losing “who he is”. he’s always playing the role of another person, always putting on another disguise...so he starts losing his sense of identity (if that makes sense ;-;) 

(and if you wanna stretch it and make things wholesome, maybe the only times he [feels like himself] is when he’s around his two friends)

so basically: he’s always filling out other personas to the point where he doesnt know who he is anymore

(this is also the segment where he kills a man in the bar with poison,,,and the man was wearing the same ring as ziyang,,,,which is like Hm. why’d the directors do that 🤔)

.

ZIYANG

aka the murderer :D

(and not just regular serial killer type, more like joker-esque type where they’re a bit insane,,,)

okay his segment starts of with him dragging a man through a white room, where the floors is covered with plastic, and on the walls are a bunch of clay molds of human body parts

:D

my brain has concluded that! ziyang takes clay and makes molds of his victim’s faces/body parts of who he kills! to make statues! 

(i dont even know how i got there aksjdhdh but thats just what i assumed the first time i watched this film thingy)

and to make it more messed up than it already sounds,,,im guessing he’s a famous statue maker too, and holds shows where he presents his works to the public and maybe even bids them off ?

     ,,,,little did the audience know,,,,

          (this kinda remind me of sally and gabe’s statue from the pjo too now aksjhdkdh)

(i got this assumption from 6:50 in the film where he walks out in front of an audience who start clapping,,,and let my brain run wild with the rest,,,)

of course, he probably kills off the people he was the molding the clay off of once he’s done with his works,,,or sometimes even in the middle of his works as shown in the mv (*-* )

but alas that is not all to his story,,,

judging by his flashbacks when he’s beating that one dude to death with a bat, he used to be bullied when he was in school, which seems to be the source of all his anger throughout the film..

    ( yeah he killed the bullies too (_ _ )> )

its part of his personality to be rough and short tempered - he doesn’t like people looking down on him (as the bullies did)

and,,,if you want to be wholesome again! perhaps he found some bits of happiness and peace when hanging out with the others :]

.

LING CHAO

cw: animals abuse!!! 

his is pretty simple and is already explained in the mv itself! i’ll walk ya’ll through it though in case you didn’t watch the film tho akdjdjkf

basically: he’s just a dude who loves dogs :]

a lot

in his segment, a girl (handong, looking absolutely stunning ToT) approaches him wanting to take home another stray, and when he asks her where how the previous dog she adopted was doing, she says that “my bestie loved him a lot, so i gave him to her” ( -_- )

so...he lets her keep the dog, but also decides to keep an eye on her...to the point where she becomes very paranoid that someone is stalking her (which..she isnt wrong in)(but she doesn’t believe it to be ling chao because they’re..dating? i think? and he lulls her into a false sense of security that he’ll protect her from harm)

and then bam! one day he breaks into her house, steals the dog away, and then,,,,blows her up,,,,,

(i must say as disturbing this scene is,,,,i absolutely adore ling chao’s look here askjdjfd)

(i mean?? look at him?? loving the black lipstick ugh)

(v pale tho ;-;)

okay anyways the next flashbacks reveal that handong was abusing her dogs & starving them, and him being the animal lover he is, decides to kill her for it ig

(also she,,,stabbed the other dog that she “gave to her bestie” so-)

yeahh thats the end of his story; nothing much to take from it except that his hacker skills are still intact past agent days 

.

.

.

annnd thats a wrap folks! nothing else to expand on; i’ll definitely make another part to expand on this if they decide to release another mini film in the future tho :]

#violence cw #animal abuse cw #oner #yueyue #mu ziyang #ling chao #ayra goes crazy #so i didnt add much original lore here but...eh... #cant wait to see how qins ent is gonna expand on the onerverse :> #plz tell me if i missed any warnings!!

[synchlora]

More trans mcr songs!! More trans mcr songs!!

BRO!! hell yeah more trans mcr songs!!!

this time featuring: burn bright!!

"so give me all youve got, i can take it. we walked alone in your city lights." this line feels spiteful, like the speaker is challenging a person who hurt them or even just society as a whole. saying they can take whatever they've got to throw at them, they're stronger now and can deal with it no matter what. the city lights line is in past tense, "walked alone" like the speaker was once alone but has since found others. "we" seems to refer to those others in this situation, other trans people and just in general the idea of a community. the city lights seeming like spotlights to every individual person, every trans person under the scrutiny of "your" city lights, but that's in the past and it's no longer individual. people are together now.

"did you make it? we lit the fire and it's burning bright." okay, so i feel like this switches who it's addressing for a moment. it sounds more sincere, like the speaker is asking the listener personally if they've made it, if they made it through the city lights to everyone beyond. and the line abt fire sounds like a beacon almost. like not only is it an act of rebellion to catch a fire like that, it's also a massive symbol to let everyone know, hey, we're here, you can still make it, don't be afraid.

"did you take it? kissed all the boys in your city lights." this is. a line abt sexuality, being out in the open under the "city lights." clearly showing who you are for all to see. being open abt who you are even under the scrutiny of others.

"did you make it? left all the stars in your city nights." this line is abt sacrifice. leaving behind the stars for city nights where you can't see them anymore. moving on in a way, making a new life somewhere that you know nothing abt.

"can you fake it? i lost my way in your city lights." this line sounds desperate, afraid to be found out and blinded by the lights in a way. too afraid to be open for the very real fear of harm. this line is for those who are still unable to be themselves.

"not ashamed of what i am. i took the pills for those empty nights cause it makes me who i am." alright this is just. so fucking trans oh my god. obviously, the speaker isn't ashamed of who they are, they may be afraid and feel alone but they're proud. pills could refer to a million things here from anti depressants to hormones so take that line as you will. i personally interpret it as both, like something to stabilize your mental health would make you who you are but so would taking hormones if transitioning would make you closer to who you really are. idk, this line is just. so fucking trans....

"they always told me that 'youll never get to heaven' with a love like yours. and if you're lost little boy, the cameras pull you right back down, yeah." farquad pointing meme TRANS. so this line obviously goes along the idea of never being good enough, never being able to go to heaven because of who/how you love and exist. which. gay and trans here. this is also the first time the speaker gets outright gendered by whoever "they" are here. and that makes me think it's even more trans bc gerard tends to write trans songs from the perspective of a transfeminine/gnc person (pls do not smite me for this, i am simply stating this reccuring theme). so the outsiders seeing the speaker as a "lost little boy" ties so much into this being a narrative abt a transfeminine person trying to be themself. AND THE CAMERA LINE. that shit is abt self-perception and image. showing the speaker what they rly look like just to rub in like hey youll never be who you want to be. which, god, that line. hurts :))))

"it's like a chemical burn. im peeling off your skin, yeah. and when you see your face youll never be the same again." this seems to be back from the speakers point of view, but also referring to themself in the second person. they're burned from all the shit people say, all the norms they're meant to fit in to be cis when they're not. and they're peeling all that fear and all that hatred away to show their true self. and they know that once they discover who they truly are, there's no turning back. they'll know who they are and they'll know they're trans. and they'll have to deal with it, they'll never be the same.

"cause if you just stop breathing, i'll stop, i'll stop my heart. i'll stop breathing too." this is once again the speaker in second person talking abt being trans. having that sort of disconnect w who you are and who the world sees you as. these lines are saying that if they "kill" their true self, then the person they've pretended to be will die with that. they can't stop the breathing of their actual self because it'll kill who everyone perceives them as. they're one in the same, their trans thoughts (for lack of a better word) and themself.

"i confess that i can't wait until it's gone. no, i mean this every single day." this feels like wishing for your old identity to disappear. wanting who you were to never have existed and wishing that you could've always been yourself the whole time. but instead you have to deal with knowing that's still how some people perceive and will continue to perceive you. the speaker "confesses" that yeah, they wish they could be perceived differently and to never have been seen as the person they weren't.

"don't go if you've got more to say cause the world don't need another hopeless cause." dont give up and don't be silent. let yourself be who you are while you still can and let the world fuckin know it. there's no need for more hopeless causes when you can do something about it. don't ever let them silence you or anyone else and don't ever let them turn another person's life into misery.

"be afraid of what i am." the world is afraid of what you are and yeah let them be. let them be afraid to see people being themselves, let them be afraid to be bigoted, let them feel the fear that you felt.

"i burned it all but im doing fine cause i'll never fade away. i'll steal the fire from your city nights." the speaker is burning through it all, destroying everything that held them back. and they're not going away, they're not stopping at just that. they're taking away the fire from others who are hurting people like them, burning bright to help them as well.

GOD this is just SUCH a good angry trans song and i will fucking die on that hill <33 like the more i read into the lyrics the more i fucking lose it this is so godamn trans

#BRO im gonna lose my shit i love this song sm <33 #thank u for the ask abt this!! <3 i havent done like. an in-depth look at this song before and now im just more convinced its trans #i dont know if any of this makes sense. it is. 1:30am and im just going off of random ideas sgbchbj #but hopefully this sounds cool lmao #kailynwolf #asks #mcr tag

[tylerwritez]

Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay  which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪  like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone  talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

#JudeJournals

[jessica-rowan]

A letter I will never send (to my transphobic mother)

Janet, 

So I’m moving out. You’re a bitch and have been such a profoundly negitive influence on me that I have wanted to kill myself. Any mother who is the direct cause of that in her child is a failed mother and a terrible person.

Fuck you. Like for real and for serious, Fuck you. You sit and you bitch about how no one respects you and you don’t feel loved. This WHOLE house bends to your every whim without a word in argument. NO ONE stands in your way. NO ONE. fuck you. SO MANY of my fucking friends have made some variation of the comment:

“If i didn’t know other people aside from your mother lived here i wouldnt have ever guessed”

My room, my space, my fucking hidaway. It has hardwood floors not because I wanted them, but because YOU wanted them. BOTH times my room has been painted it was because YOU wanted it painted.

There is ZERO evidence that I live in the house. Everything is how YOU want it and its always fucking been this way.

You bitch, you berate, you condescend and YOURE FUCKING PROUD OF IT

“Hey i'm just being honest, if you don't want me to be honest dont ask” - thats fucking your mantra and you fucking wear it like a fucking crown

Brutal honesty? No. judgemental bitch. Its not a good character trait its fucking toxic and its one of the many, many, many fucking reasons danielle doesnt fucking talk to you. The reason we dont come to you with problems is because we learned really fucking early that instead of advice or empathy we get criticism and judgement. 

Did it ever occur to you that fucking maybe we wanted a mother and not a personified negative opinion? 

You grew up in an abusive home. That sucks. You know what you did instead of making sure that your kids never suffered what you went through? YOU FUCKING CREATED AN ABUSIVE HOME WHERE TWO OUT OF YOUR THREE KIDS HAVE TRIED TO KILL THEMSELVES BECUSE OF YOU.

You are a fucking narcisist. This note, these words. They look like lies to you. That i’m making shit up. You cannot see what you’ve done to us and when confronted by the smallest possibility you may have done something?? Not only DO YOU FUCKING BLAME US you have also said that even if you DID do something YOU FUCKING TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT. 

LIKE A FUCKING FOUR YEAROLD.

You fucking cunt stain

There is no one in this world i fucking hate more than you

You’ve ripped so much joy from me, caused me an incalculable amount of pain, AND HOW FUCKING DARE I EVER IMPLY that maybe something youve said or done has caused hurt. BITCH. YOU FUCKING BITCH 

I want to kill myself. DO YOU FUCKING GET THAT? YOU HAVE SAID AND DONE THINGS THAT MAKE ME WANT TO OPEN UP MY WRISTS WITH A FUCKING BOXCUTTER. 

And by the fucking grace of a few friends and a CHAMPION sister, whos been more of a fucking mother than you ever have been. IM NOT FUCKING DEAD YET.

“I love and support you!!!” youll fucking say, cause youre always the victim. And im being so fucking mean and hateful and ungrateful right now. 

You know what.

Go fuck yourself.

You ensured ive felt BEHOLDEN to you, that i am INDEBTED to you. Im made to feel bad about ANY and EVERY decision i make that stears my own fucking life.

Youve fucking said time and time again “live your own life and find your happiness” “all i want is for you to be happy”

But whenever we did something to further those goals??? You fucking made us feel like shit.

That we were insulting you PERSONALLY for not doing whatever in the way YOU wanted.

You want us to be happy as long as we live in a way that YOU can fucking control

You wanna know why danielle pisses you off so fucking much??

You can't control her.

You wanna know why my transition pisses you off so much

Other than the fact youre a massively homophopic transphobic psychobitch?

Because it's moved me beyond your control

And you cant fucking STAND that. 

And lets fucking talk about my transition. A word you can’t even fucking SAY.

This is the BEST FUCKING THING THATS EVER FUCKING HAPPENED TO ME

THIS FUCKING SAVED MY FUCKING LIFE.

And you fucking HATE it.

You wont use my pronouns, you fucking refuse to call me a she. Your excuse is “i need some time” bullshit

If you were making ANY effort at all you would, fucking statistically speaking, use the proper one AT SOME FUCKING POINT but you dont. You never fucking have. you never fucking will becuse you dont care that it hurts me. Because anything that is a minor inconvenience to fucking Janet isnt fucking worth a damn so fuck everyone who isnt you.

You said point blank that you hate my name and you won't use it.

In a rare moment of bravery, i pointed out that refusal to acknowledge someone's identity is profoundly disrespectful you fucking YELLED AT ME you bigoted bitch.

You said I BETRAYED THE FAMILY when I changed my name. You flat out said that I wasn't part of this family anymore. You yelled at me for two fucking hours about how fucking awful i was.

“Youre a Rowan now, whatever the fuck that is”

IT MEANS COURAGE YOU FUCKING CUNT

Courage to face your fucking abuser and tell her to fuck the hell right the fuck off

When i came out to you do you know what the first things you fucking said to me were??

BECAUSE I FUCKING DO 

They are burned into my fucking mind. They will probably never leave.

“First of all how dare you’ - HOW FUCKED UP IT THIS. i don't even have WORDS for how MASSIVELY FUCKED UP THIS IS. how dare I?? HOW FUCKING DARE I WHAT??? BE FUCKING HAPPY??? I THOUGHT YOU WANTED THAT, OH WAIT NO, YOU ONLY WANT HAPPINESS YOU APPROVE OF. LIFE SAVING HAPPINESS TO KEEP YOUR CHILD ALIVE??? CANT HAVE THAT. you fucking cunt

“I suppose i cant talk you out of it” - TALK ME OUT OF WHAT? BEING TRANSGENDER IS NOT A FUCKING CHOICE SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? TALK ME OUT OF????FUCKING STAYING ALIVE AND HAPPY? YOU WOULD PREFER I DIED INSTEAD THEN YOU WOULDN'T BE INCONVENIENCED BY MY HAPPINESS

“I'm not going to hit you but I'm thinking about it” OH NEAT LETS TRY SAYING THIS ANOTHER WAY

“I want to assault this person because they have displeased me and I am a violent narcissist bigot”

YOU FUCKING PSYCHOPATH. HITTING YOUR CHILD, WHO CAME TO YOU DESPITE HOW AFRAID THEY WERE AND YOU FIRST THOUGHT IS TO FUCKING HIT THME FOR IT.

Your fucking insane and you need help.

In the time since ive come out never once. NOT FUCKING ONCE have you said “i love you” to me.

MARYLOU a fucking aunt I rarely see??? THOSE WERE THE FIRST FUCKING WORDS SHE SAID TO ME. THE FIRST FUCKING WORDS OUT OF HER MOUTH.

DANIELLE my fucking sister who also dont get to see that often

THE FIRST THINGS SHE SAID WAS THAT SHE LOVES ME AND SHE’S PROUD OF ME

BUT YOU, fucking YOU. love was the farthest thing from your fucking mind.

When I then came out to dad, which by the way, DISPROVES YOUR FUCKING NARRATIVE THAT YOU WERE THE LAST TO FIND OUT. you fucking said of me “where did i go wrong”

BITCH YOU FUCKING WENT WRONG WHEN YOU DECIDED TO NOT LOVE YOUR CHILDREN.

This house hasn’t been a home for me since it was built.

This house is your house. It’s always been your house. You make sure everyone fucking knows that.

And believe me we DO know that.

And its taken me a long fucking time to get my brain to accept that i dont fucking need you

I dont need your negativity

I dont need your hate

I dont need your passive aggressive bullshit

I dont need to feel like i should have to hide in my own home

I dont need to feel like im not safe

I dont need to feel guilty for being FINALLY who I am, who I always was

What I DO need?

Is a place that respects me

A place I feel safe

A place I don’t feel judged the moment I walk into the room

A place where I can surround myself with people who are happy i chose not to kill myself

A place where I can breathe

A place where I DONT have to cry myself to sleep

And that place?

That place isn’t here.

That place is not YOUR house

That place is not ANYWHERE near you

So I’m leaving. I choose life. I choose to live. I choose to be happy. 

Fuck you Janet. Fuck you straight to a lonely hell.

I have the fools hope that maybe you’ll fucking read this and maybe just maybe something inside that wicked shell of yours realizes what shes done. It fucking wont, cause in Janets fucking world everyone is out to get her and she can do no wrong. 

But if by some fucking MIRACLE that does happen and you wanna talk to me? You want to APOLOGIZE to me?? Maybe, FUCKING MAYBE I’ll talk.

But you WILL call me Jessica

Or you won’t call me at all.

Signed in outrage by your youngest DAUGHTER,

Jessica Rowan

#transgender #transitioning #transwomen #transphobes #transphobia #bigotry #lgbtq #lgbtq+ #outrage #emotional abuse #catharsis

[is-that-another-soulmate-au]

Zukaang soulmate au part 13

@mypureessence

@chaoticidiott

Everything felt heavy, he couldnt move his arms but he could feel... someone holding his hand? Groaning Aang opened his eyes to find himself in the chambers of a fire nation ship with a guard holding his hand? He shot up and made a gust of wind that knocked the man back and away from him. The man's helmet fell off and he looked up.

"Aang?" It was Zuko

"Zuko?! What are we doing here? What's going on?"

"Calm down, you need to take it easy okay? You got hurt pretty bad." Aang relaxed back into the bed and Zuko moved closer to him taking a seat on the stool after setting it back up. "I like your hair" this statement made Aang freeze for a second before reaching to his head.

"I have hair!? How long was I out?!"

"A few weeks"

A knock came at the door and Katara walked in "Hey Zuko how's he- Aang! Your awake!" He went to wave at her but his hand shot to his chest and he groaned in pain "looks like you need a healing session"

With Katara now using her water to heal Aangs wound Zuko was over in the corner watching. "Tell me where your pain feels more intense"

Aang winced "a little higher" Katara nodded and moved her hands just a little higher. Aangs eyes went wide and he let out a pained gasp "wow, you're definitely in the right area there"

"I feel alot of energy twisted up around there..." she went to pull her hands and the water back "let me see if I can-" as soon as the water left Aangs skin he shot back in pain, falling forward and catching himself with his hands on his knees.

"I went down! I didn't just get hurt, it was worse than that... I was gone" he glanced at Zuko who was holding his mark before looking at katara "but you brought me back"

Katara looked over at Zuko with a sad expression "I just used the spirit water from the north pole... I'm not sure what I did exactly"

"You saved me" Aang said as he turned to look at Katara fully.

"You need some rest, Zuko come on-"

"No!" Aang blurted out and froze when the two looked at him "I uh... I want him to stay with me... please?"

Katara let out a snort "sure, but be careful, you still need to heal" and with that she left the two soulmates alone.

Aang reached his arms out at Zuko and cheerily said "up" wanting Zuko to pick him up.

Rolling his eyes Zuko lifted Aang into his arms bridal style and set him down on the bed before climbing in with him. Aang wrapped his arms around Zuko's waist and rested his head against his chest. "Are you okay?" He heard himself asking

"Do you mean in general or with the fact that I watched you die and felt my mark burning away?" Zuko asked with a raspy voice

"Uh... the second"

Zuko took a breath and sighed "not really? I mean, I know your still alive and well, and I'm so glad that you are, but Aang... I thought I lost you." His voice cracked "I caught you, and you were dying in my arms, my mark is still a bit faded even after these weeks, and it still hurts so bad."

He took a shaky breath "I know you're in excruciating pain and I'll never know the full extent of it but dammit Aang, I... I dont want to lose you, and I almost did" feeling a hand on his cheek he closed his eyes, letting Aang turn his head towards him and plant a kiss on his shaking lips.

He shifted and placed a hand to the back of Aang's neck before they separated "Zuko, I'm sorry"

"Don't, don't you dare apologize Aang" Zuko said as he moved his hand to hold Aang's cheek "You're still with me, and for now, thats more than enough" with Aang now smiling he placed a quick kiss to his nose "now sleep goofball"

And he did, they both did only waking up when Hakoda knocked on the door and walked in "hey Aang y- oh Zuko..... hello?"

Zuko opened his eyes and groaned "what?"

"What are you... why are you... spooning with Aang?"

"Uh... oh right, uhm, we're uh, soulmates..."

"Right, okay, I hope you're aware you've got a backpack tho"

"What?" Only now realizing that the smaller boy was the big spoon Zuko flushed and let out a laugh "I guess I do... what do you need?"

"Well, Sokka told me to come get Aang, we're going over our invasion plans"

They reluctantly got up and made their way to the deck where Sokka explained everything Aang had missed, why they were on a firenation ship, where they were currently, and their new plan for the invasion.

"And the best part is, the eclips isn't even out biggest advantage" Sokka smirked before leaning forward "we have a secret... you"

"Me?"

"Yep! The whole world thinks your dead! Isn't that great?"

"The world thinks I'm dead!? How is that good news?! Thats terrible!"

"No its not! With the world thinking your dead the firenation won't be hunting us anymore and better yet they won't be expecting you on the day of black sun!"

After a little incident with another firenation ship and the giant sea serpent they docked at a marketplace where the group, minus Aang went to get food. When Zuko walked into the room with some food for Aang he knocked twice "hey Aang, I brought you some food" looking around he found that Aang was gone, and he'd taken his glider with him. His heart sank "oh no"

He dropped the food and took off running to the deck of the ship where everyone else was gathered. They all turned to face him when he arrived. "What's wrong Zuko?" Hakoda spoke up

"He left!"

"What?" Katara stepped forward

"Aang! He took his glider and left!" He threw his hands out to the side "he has this crazy notion that he has to save the world by himself!" He shouted with tears falling as he brought his hands to his head in frustration

"Maybe that's his way of being brave" Hakoda suggested simply

"Its not brave!" Zuko shouted "it's stupid! It's like he doesn't even account for us needing him! For me needing him! How could he do this!? How could just up and fucking leave like that!?"

"Language son."

"Im not your fucking son! Why do you keep calling me that!? The only man who ever called me son burnt off half my fucking face and kicked me out of my own nation in the span of twenty four hours! So just stop!" Zuko was full on sobbing at this point.

Hakoda's eyes widened at the boys screaming but Sokka was the first to talk "wait, your dad did that to you?"

"Of course he did! Why else do you think I flinch away when someone reaches for that side of my face!? I spoke out of turn and so I had to fight an Agni Kai with him, only I didnt know it would be him. But I didnt fight him, I was kneeling on the ground begging him to forgive me! And you know what he did!? He took my face in his hand and just went fucking ham melting my face off and now I can hardly hear or see out of my left side!" Sokka reached out and wrapped his arms around Zuko and the pair fell to the ground with Zuko sobbing into his shoulder.

Katara and Hakoda followed suit, both wrapping Zuko in a comforting hug. Hakoda let out a sigh "Zuko, I know you don't have a good connection to the word Son, but... if you'd let me. I'd-"

"Yeah, I'm... I'm sorry, I just..." Zuko sighed as they parted from the hug "you can call me son, I just didn't make the connection with it as a good thing like I should have..." He let out yet another sigh "we have to find Aang"

And they did find him. On a crescent shaped Island. As soon as Zuko spotted Aang he jumped off of Appa, softening his drop with a bit of fire before running to his soulmate who was slowly waking up from Momo poking his head. "Aang!"

"Zu-" was all Aang could get out before Zuko pulled him into a tight embrace.

"You're okay" Zuko choked out while he held his soulmate close.

And with that it became a group hug with Toph, Katara, Sokka, Momo, and Appa all joining in. "I have so much to do"

"I know," Katara started

"But you have us to help you" Zuko continued

"Yeah! You didn't think you could get out of training just by flying into the firenation did you?" Toph gave Aang's leg a light punch.

"Ow..." Aang gave held his leg where Toph punched him and turned to Sokka "what about the invasion?"

"We'll join up with my dad and the invasion force the day of the eclipse" Sokka reassured Aang with a pat to his shoulder

"Hey what's" Toph picked up Aangs destroyed glider and frowned when she realized "oh.. its your glider"

Taking his mangled glider in his hands Aang let out a sigh "thats okay, if someone saw it, it would give away my identity"

After Aang left his glider on the island they took off on Appa with Aang being held in a tight hug by Zuko "I'm not gonna fly away again... you know that right?"

"No. I don't know that." Zuko snipped

"Right, I'm sorry"

"Its okay, just don't do that again"

"Okay, I won't-" Zuko placed a kiss to Aang's forehead making him lose all words and just melt into the cuddles he was receiving.

There was a lot work to do.

#avatar the last airbender #avatar: the last airbender #prince zuko #zuko #atla zuko #atla sokka #sokka #tw: cursing #atla aang #avatar aang #aang #katara #atla katara #hakoda #toph beifong #atla toph #i will die on my endless soulmate au hill #soulmate alternate universe #soulmates #soulmarks #soulmate #zuko x aang #aang x zuko #zukaang #RayMakesSoulmates

[just-an-extra-ordinary-blog]

oi answer the ones you really wanna answer/talk about

eeee oh god the freedom. the decisions . ive never made any decision in my entire life. **also i tried to choose the most interesting ones or things that i dont talk about much. sorry if its a lot!!

6. What is the ultimate gesture of total trust?

i think its like knowing that u can be comfortably open and talk about yourself with someone and that they can do the same with you

11. Choose one: you will never misunderstand the meaning of what someone else is saying OR nobody will ever misunderstand what you say.

Nobody will ever misunderstand what I say because i stutter sometimes and i forget words a lot and say things wrong or slowly sometimes. its sooo embarrassing

15. What is your favorite superpower? Why?

teleportation cus you could just like. chill with someone across the country for an hour two. and then go back home.

17. If you found out that your life was a book, and you met your author, what would you say to them?

"W H Y?!?!?! STOP IT WITH THIS GODDAMN CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT"

30. What one thing in the world would be hardest for you to give up?

the people that i care about and love. thats what i fear most about death.

33. Is it easier to talk or to listen?

listen cus once again.. im fUckIng inArtiCuLaTe

34. When are you vulnerable?

When I'm really anxious and thinking about things that happen that stress me out or make me guilty and i wanna vent but i dont cus i dont wanna be a burden.

44. What was your most memorable dream?

okay this is reoccuring and i hate it. little gnomes throwing pebbles into a pipe for 99% of the dream and its all fine and then a scary looking one comes up and blocks the pipe with a big rock and i wake up in an asthma attack/not breathing.

48. Is it possible for you to love someone you don’t trust?

ajsgha yeah and it happens fucking a lot even though i know its bad and that it will bite me in the ass

52. What story (book, movie, game, etc.) have you learned the most from?

hArRy pOtTeR

53. What is something you wish other people could know about you without you having to tell them?

genuinly like everything im afraid to talk about. like if im upset or things about my identity like my sexuality. like not just anyone obviously but the people that i want to know.

54. Describe a moment you experienced something unexpectedly beautiful.

when i went to san diego for the first time in a year. we were driving to someones house after leaving the airport and everything made me cry. like sidewalks i remembered walking on and fucking 7/11s and shit ajsgaj

57. What is something you used to be afraid of, but aren’t anymore?

okay i was looking through the questions and this one genuinly stumped me. i dont think ive gotten over any of my fears. which is genuinly terrifying to say the least

58. What is the most important emotion?

happiness because if u couldbt be happy for even a few minutes in a day nothing would be good

68. Under what circumstances is keeping information secret acceptable or morally required?

literally like almost every circumstance. unless its something that hurts someone like cheating or sjshjs mUrdEr, if u got a secret and u dont want people to know or someone told you something that they only want you to know then dont tell anyone!! its fine to have secrets!!!

70. What is something you find difficult to talk about, even though you know you should?

a l l of my emotions or confusions in life. ive never known how to ask for help or if its okay to vent. i feel bad for expressing happiness sometimes.

80. When was the last time you were really scared?

literally yesterday. was talking to someone about something and i thought they would hate me forever but its all good i think akdhkahsj

100. What are you most excited about right now?

summerr!!! even though we cant do much this summer i cant wait to have no work.

#ask game #asks #long post #thank you!!!

[breanime]

Heartworm (Part One)

Guess who got her internet baaccccck! This gal! So @songtoyou sent me this request and I IMMEDIATELY started getting ideas. This could be up to or past 5 parts, I don’t even know! It all depends if you guys like it and want more! This is kind of a soft re-imagining of season 2.

Request:  How about instead of Billy going to his stupid psychiatrists place to seek refuge, he goes to the home of a girl who he was in a serious relationship with. Like, this girl is the only person Billy could ever see himself settling down with. However, once he got money, status, and power from Rawlins he pushed her to the side and eventually dropped her from his life. But once she sees the state Billy is in and how sad, scared and alone he is she wants to help him.

Part One is based on Halsey’s Without Me, particularly these lyrics:  

Found you when your heart was broke I filled your cup until it overflowed Took it so far to keep you close (Keep you close) I was afraid to leave you on your own

I said I'd catch you if you fall And if they laugh, then fuck 'em all (All) And then I got you off your knees Put you right back on your feet Just so you can take advantage of me

*gif not mine* (I gotta stop using this gif lol)

You stood frozen in your living room, eyes glued on the TV. The news was saying that Billy, your Billy, was a murderous traitor and a danger to society. You watched as they showed footage of Billy’s apartment up in flames. They said he bombed it himself after killing a handful of Homeland Security agents, they also said that he hired mercenaries for his Anvil staff. The government seized his assets. He shot Curtis in the shoulder. He knew about Frank’s family. He set them up to be killed. Billy. Your Billy.

Except he wasn’t your Billy anymore; he hadn’t been your Billy for three years. You sat down on the couch, legs numb with shock, as you took in what the newscaster was saying about your ex-boyfriend, the only man you’ve ever loved. They flashed a picture of him on the screen. The caption read: “Armed and Dangerous, Do Not Approach”. The newscaster was saying something about Homeland and Frank going after Billy, but it was all starting to sound like white noise to you. Your mind said to get out of town and run until it was all over, but your heart wanted to reminisce, wanted to remind you why you even cared in the first place.

“…and I’m gonna have a Rolls Royce,” Billy said, one arm behind his head and the other wrapped around your waist, “I’m gonna drive it to meetings, rich assholes love a power play.”

You smiled up at Billy, you loved listening to his grand plans for the future. “Are you gonna be a pocket square kind of rich asshole or a ‘Maureen, hold my calls’ kind of rich asshole?”

“Mm,” Billy pulled you closer to his naked chest, “I’m gonna be a pocket square kind of asshole,” he answered, “that’s the best way to run a business.”

“Of course,” you agreed, snuggling up against him, “you’re gonna be a big shot. And I’m gonna have to make an appointment with Maureen just to see you.”

Billy tsked and put a finger on your chin, lifting your face so you were eye-to-eye. “That ain’t never gonna happen,” his dark eyes bore into yours, “I’ll always have time for you.”

You smiled and pressed your lips against his. You felt Billy’s arms tighten around you, lifting you up until you were laying on top of him. You kissed him again, slowly parting your lips, inviting his tongue into your waiting mouth. His eyes were heavy-lidded with lust when you pulled back. You rubbed your nose against his. “I love you.”

His smile made your chest heave with adoration. “I love you too, Y/N.” He kissed you again. “I promise I’m gonna make you proud one day, baby. I’m gonna get us outta this shit hole and out you somewhere nice, where you belong.”

You shrugged. Money and status meant a lot to Billy, meant success, but you were happy enough where you were. Yeah, your apartment was kind of small, and yeah, the heat stopped working every few months, but you’d lived in worst places. Besides, you had Billy. He made you so unbelievably happy; you could have lived in a cave—as long as Billy was with you, you’d be fine. “You know I’m already proud of you,” you told him, “You’ve accomplished so much already.”

“Mm,” Billy kissed the top of your head, “I can do more.” He kissed your nose. “I’m gonna get this security shit together.” He kissed your right eyelid. “I’m gonna get us a place uptown.” He kissed your left eyelid. “And I’m gonna make it so you don’t ever have to work again.” You sighed as he kissed your cheek next. “I ain’t gonna let anyone look down on us anymore.” He kissed your other cheek. “I’m gonna make you so happy, baby.” You felt yourself melt when he finally kissed you on the lips. “I’m gonna take care of us…

…I’m gonna take care of you.”

You turned the TV off, cradling the remote to your chest. You felt your breath getting shallower and casually recognized your erratic heartbeat. You didn’t know what to do. You believed the news—you weren’t sure about the details, but you knew Billy well enough to know that he would do anything for power. You had seen the change that money bought him firsthand, and you didn’t like it at all. You thought about calling Curtis, but you didn’t want to bother him. He was probably up to his neck in cops and paperwork and…Homeland Security, apparently. You wondered how it came to this. Frank was alive. Billy was a wanted man. Curtis was wounded. And you…were alone.

You spent the night on the couch, too numb and confused to get up. You dreamt of Billy and woke up shivering. You got up and made yourself a cup of coffee. Your phone was on the counter, and you frowned as you picked it up. You had missed calls from your mom, your best friend, your boss, and your sister. You had no desire to speak to any of them. You also had a call and voicemail message from an unknown number. Hitting the speaker button, you played the message.

“You’re gonna hear some things on the news.” Billy. “They’re true. I…I did all those things they say I have. By the time you get this message, I’m either gonna be on the run or dead.” It sounded like he took a breath before continuing. “I wanted to see you before I go, but…that’s not gonna happen. So just… Just know that I…” A sigh. “…I think about you all the time. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, a lot of bad choices, done a lot of shitty things, but… I only regret one thing: letting you go. I wish… I should have fought for you more. I should have…” There was some shuffling, and you thought Billy might have put the phone down for a moment. “Listen, they’re gonna say a lot of things about me, and people are gonna try to tell you that I’m heartless and evil, but I want you to remember…You loved me once. You’re the only one I could ever be honest with, the only person in this world who knows who I am. Just… Remember that. And… I’m sorry, Y/N. Goodbye.”

You stood in your kitchen and listened to Billy’s message for at least another 30 minutes. By the time you went back to the couch and turned the TV on, Billy was pronounced near-death and was being kept under constant surveillance at the hospital. Frank Castle was said to be ‘in the wind’ and Anvil was being torn down and all the profits split up. The news interviewed a medical professional about the chances of Billy making any kind of recovery. They predicted he would be dead in six months.

You turned the TV off and wept.

It had been nearly a year since everything went down with Billy. The coverage for Billy’s case had pretty much stopped after a month, and people were onto the next scandal now. Curtis had stopped by your place and told you that Frank left town. The visit had been brief, but he told you what Billy had done—confirming what you’d heard on the news—and said that his orders had come from someone named Rawlins. Rawlins, you understood, was dead. Curtis had word from Frank to tell you that he had been given a new identity by the government and was going to hit the road for a while. When you asked why he’d want you to know that, Curtis had just said: “you needed to know it was over”. You should have felt anger, or pity or sadness but… you felt nothing. You had been operating on auto-pilot, swimming in a thick fog of numbness, since Billy had been arrested. The last thing you could remember feeling, really feeling, was a deep and intense sorrow when you listened to Billy’s message. He had broken your heart, left you, and then revealed himself to be a monster and you…You were just tired.

“I don’t know what you want me to say Y/N,” Billy’s back was to you. You had barged into his office at Anvil, demanding to see him, but now that you were there… The way he was talking to you was cold and detached. His stance was rigid, his focus was on the recruits below him, not on you. This Billy—CEO Billy—was not what you had signed up for.

“I want you to say you’re sorry,” you said, “I want you to say you care.” Billy didn’t say anything. You clenched your fists. “Look at me, Billy.”

He turned. He was wearing an expensive three-piece suit and his hair was impeccably cut. His eyes, the eyes you loved, the eyes that looked at you with such care and affection, were hollow.

“What happened to you?” You asked, looking him up and down with disgust. “You never come home, you barely spend any time with me—”

“What do you want, Y/N?” He said, irritation clear in his voice. “I’m busy. I’m working. I’m trying to afford the penthouse we live in and the car you drive.”

“I bought my own car,” you reminded him, eyes narrowed as you glared at him, “And I work, too, but I make time for the people I love.”

Billy sighed, rolling his shoulders. “I told you, you don’t have to work.”

You sighed then. He was missing the point. “Billy,” you tried again, “I’m tired of this. I can’t keep being an afterthought for you. I need you.” You tried to look in his eyes, but he avoided your gaze. “I miss you.”

Billy walked over to you and put a hand on your waist. He pulled you towards him and kissed you. “I miss you, too,” his voice was husky as he moved his lips to your neck, “I know I’ve been working a lot lately, but we’re so close…”

You closed your eyes. You wanted to have a conversation, but it was hard to think of words—let alone form any—with his mouth on your skin. “Will you come home tonight?” You asked, breath short and voice heavy with lust.

“Mm hmm,” his hand slid to your ass as he kissed you again, “I’m gonna be all yours tonight.” He licked into your mouth and smiled when you moaned.

You felt his hardness pressing against your front and you deepened the kiss. “I don’t know if I can wait that long,” you whispered.

Billy chuckled and released you from his grip. You glared as you watched him walk over to his desk. He pressed a button on his phone and leaned over to speak. “Hold all my calls,” he ordered, smirking over at you, “I don’t want any calls or interruptions for the next hour.” He walked past you and you heard him lock the door behind you. His eyes were gleaming when he turned back to you and he looked like himself, like your Billy, again. His smile made your heart skip a beat. “Take your clothes off, baby. I want to spend some time with you.”

You sat up with a start. It had been months since you’d last dreamt of Billy. You looked around you and cursed under your breath. You had fallen asleep on the couch. No wonder you were off. You hadn’t been able to have a full night’s rest without sleep aids since…since Billy had left that message on your phone. If you didn’t take a pill before you went to bed, you would dream about Billy. You didn’t want to dream about him, you wanted to ignore the ache in your chest and the emptiness in your life and just… Get over it. Get over him. You felt a headache coming on, so you shuffled to the bathroom for a quick shower before bed.

Your mind kept going back to Billy as you got ready for bed; you remembered the strain in his voice in the message he left you, how he used to laugh when you stuck your cold feet on his back, the way he stared down at you as he shifted inside you, driving you wild. You could see his eyes, dark and expressive and so full of love when he looked at you, every time you closed your eyes. You gave up on sleep and went back to the couch, deciding to just spend the night watching horrible night time TV until you could get Billy out of your head.

You were finally getting into the Real Housewives marathon you had been watching when you heard a knock on your door. You glanced at your phone: it was 11 pm. Who the hell would be at your door at this time? You grabbed your phone in case you needed to call the police and stood on your tip-toes to look into the peephole. Your mouth fell open at the same time your phone hit the floor with a dull thump.

Billy Russo was standing in the hallway of your apartment. And he was covered in blood.

*************************************************************************************

I have the next two parts locked and loaded! Pleaaase comment and let me know if you want the rest. The more feedback I get, the more I update! Thanks for reading, and may Billian be with you.

BTW, I got the title from this “emotion that’s hard to describe word”:  Heartworm: a relationship or friendship that you can’t get out of your head, which you thought had faded long ago but is still somehow alive and unfinished, like an abandoned campsite whose smoldering embers still have the power to start a forest fire.

TAGLIST: @delicatelilyflower @doneobrien @ladyblablabla @banditthewriter @something-tofightfor  @starsfragments @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @hisgirlwednesdayaddams@fictionwillneverdie @maria-beretta @sadnessxvodka @ymariejp @sunnycolors @moonlightsay @its-all-o-kay @damagelove @keyeluh @itsmylife98 @funerals-with-cake @littlemermaidprobz @teacuplotus @king4thesirens @mrsjaxtellerfan @thebabblingbook @tartelette-aux-fraises @madamrogers  @charlylama @iaintnofurry​ @k-buggz2001​ @whitewolfslittlesilverfox @drinix @elanor-of-imladris @floralpeaceofmind

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo imagine #the punisher #heartworm

[dyslexicsquirrel]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Iron Man (Movies), Captain America (Movies) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Characters: Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Happy Hogan, Pepper Potts, James "Bucky" Barnes, Natasha Romanov (Marvel) Additional Tags: Mistaken Identity, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Light-Hearted

Stony Bingo 2019 round 2 fill (square T5) Prompt: mistaken identity 

Steve was not sure how he ended up in this mess. And it was a mess because the people surrounding him had been expecting… a model? Or something, he still wasn’t sure. There was a lot of arguing going on. All this because of some man at the airport holding a sign that said ‘Rogers’.

Steve had been on his way out of the airport after he hit baggage claim to go flag down a cab or see if he could get a Lyft or something. The guy holding the sign had been wearing a suit, looking bored, and checking his watch and Steve had thought maybe his friends had gotten him a car home as a surprise? It wasn’t like it was so far out of the realm of possibilities. He’d been gone for the majority of the last four years in the army. They could have wanted to do something nice, so Steve walked up to the guy. “You waiting for Rogers?”

“Yeah, that you?” He looked relieved at the possibility of getting to leave the airport. Steve hated to disappoint the guy, but he also wanted to make sure he wasn’t stealing someone else’s ride.

“Steve Rogers?”

“Eh,” the guy said with a shrug. “I didn’t get a first name. You coming or not?”

“I guess I’m coming?” So, he’s followed the guy out of the airport, into the summer heat, which was a completely different type of heat than the type he’d gotten use to after three deployments to the Middle East.

He was led to a limo, and the man opened the door, holding out his hand. “I’m Happy, by the way.”

Steve switched his duffle to his other hand and shook Happy’s. “Nice to meet you.”

“You want to keep your bag with you are you want to throw it in the trunk?”

“Um.” Steve bent down to get a look at the inside of the limo. “Think I’ll keep it. Thanks though.”

“No problem. Hop in, I know where you’re going so just relax. I hear it was a long flight.”

“The longest,” he said with a sigh. It was what it had felt like at least. He slid into the limo, Happy shut the door behind him, and then got into the driver’s seat. The partition was up, so Steve pulled his phone out of his pocket to send a message to the group chat.

Steve: omw. Flight was fine. So tired

Bucky: great! Cant wait to see you. Nat made the thing with the pasta

Nat: Nat can talk for herself. But I made the alfredo thing is what he means. Also there’s garlic bread

Steve: you’re a saint and not just for putting up with Buck

Bucky: haha you think youre so fucking funny. I dont care youve been in the army I can still kick your ass punk

Steve shook his head. He’d missed them. He let out a slow breath, letting his loll against the back of the seat. This felt like the longest day of his life. He wanted a nap so badly. And why not? There was enough room for him to stretch out back here and the drive from LAX to Pasadena would take a while. Steve laid down across the seat, not even caring about the fact that it wasn’t all that safe, and closed his eyes.

*

Steve felt as if he’d just closed his eyes when someone started nudging his foot and he went from asleep to awake in a second. Pushing up in his elbows he could see Happy leaning in the open door of the limo frowning at him. “Come on, buddy. We’re already late. The boss is gonna have my ass.”

“Boss?” He asked, but Happy had already pulled his head back out and was standing by the open door, waiting for Steve to get out presumably. He shoved his phone, that had fallen onto the floor back in his duffle and slid out of the vehicle.

And froze.

“Where the hell are we?” His eyes scanned his surroundings. This was not Pasadena. This was not Nat and Bucky’s house.

Happy was still frowning at him. “The studio. Come on. Pepper and the makeup and wardrobe guys are waiting over on lot B.”

“I think there might be some kind of…” Steve started, but trailed off when Happy set off at a brisk pace, weaving through the crowd of people. Steve shut the door of the limo since Happy hadn’t and it seemed like he should then set off after Happy before he lost him and maybe his only hope of finding out what was happening.

*

“This is not the guy,” a red haired woman said to Happy for the fourth time, pointing at Steve, talking about him but not too him. That had been happening a lot since he followed Happy onto the lot.

“Pepper, he said his name was Rogers.”

“Ian Rogers, Happy. You were supposed to pick up Ian Rogers not—” ‘Pepper’ broke off and looked at Steve. “I’m sorry, what’s your name?”

“Steve Rogers, ma’am.”

“Right.” She paused for a moment, staring at him, but shook her head and went back to her conversation with Happy. “Not Steve Rogers. You need to go pick up the right guy. He’s still at the airport. His agent just called me, because Ian called him, and I don’t like getting yelled at for things I wasn’t aware were a problem.”

“But traffic is going to be murder,” Happy attempted to complain, but Pepper cut him off in a business-like manner that would have made some of his drills sargeants proud.

“I don’t care about the traffic.” She pulled something out of the folder she was carrying and handed it to Happy. “This is him. Please, go pick him up.” The words made it sound as if Happy had a choice in the manner, but her tone left no room for arguments. Happy looked at the picture Pepper had handed him (Steve took a peek and the only thing he shared with this guy was a last name) and slunk off. Steve felt a little bad for him. It hadn’t been completely Happy's fault, but Steve was a little too tired to work up full blown concern that the guy had to battle LA traffic again.

“Now,” Pepper said, pulling Steve’s focus pack to her. “Mr. Rogers, I’d like to apologize for this mix up.”

“It’s alright, ma’am. If I could just get a ride home, that would be great, though.”

“If you don’t mind waiting a bit longer I can have Happy give you a ride when he gets back,” Pepper said, and Steve did mind a little because he wanted to go home (to Nat and Bucky’s home where he was staying for the time being anyway), carb load on fettuccine Alfredo and garlic bread and then sleep for a week.

He was trying to think of a polite way to tell her he would just get a cab when someone behind him said, “Why is Happy leaving again?”

“Oh, Tony, there you are.” Pepper looked off to a point past Steve’s shoulder and he turned to see who she was talking to. He was wearing a pair of jeans, a Rolling Stones t-shirt and a pair of crazy looking sneakers that made Steve blink. They were bright orange hi-tops that looked like they had paint splatter all over them. His hair was gelled into one of those purposely messy styles that Steve could never pull off, but this guy made look both like he just rolled out of bed and right off a runway, and his goatee was precisely trimmed.

He should have looked like he was trying too hard, but he didn’t. The look fit him somehow and the fact that he was one of the most gorgeous men Steve had seen in a while didn’t hurt. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell wasn’t a thing anymore, but Steve still hadn’t spread it around that he was bi-sexual. And except for a brief fling with a British soldier he’d met in Afghanistan that ended when his deployment did, Steve had dated anyone since.m, if you could consider what he’d had with Peggy ‘dating.’

He hadn’t slept with anyone since either and that had been… more years than he cared to admit. Steve blamed that for the overblown reaction to the man in front of him.

“Sorry, I’m late, hun,” this Tony guy said, kissing Pepper’s cheek when she walked over to him. “Traffic from Malibu was crazy.”

“Yeah, I’ve been hearing all about the traffic today,” Pepper said with a sigh. “But there was a mix up. Happy picked up the wrong person at the airport.”

“What?” Tony’s gaze landed on Steve and he pulled his sunglasses off, a frown pulling down the corners of his mouth. The weight of his dark eyes only rested on Steve for a moment, but it was enough for him to still feel them when he turned away. “How did that happen?”

“Same last name. Tony, meet Steve Rogers.” Pepper gestured to Steve with one hand. Tony was looking at him again and Steve cleared his throat.

“Huh,” Tony murmured. He gave Steve a quick once over and pivoted back to Pepper. “Maybe we could—”

“No,” she interrupted. “Ian has a contract, Tony.”

“Ah, well.” Tony shrugged, tossing Steve a crooked  smile. “Had to try. You would have been perfect.”

“I—thank you,” he stuttered. “Where am I? No one has told me.”

“I’ve had plenty of days like that,” Tony told him in a conspiratorial tone. Steve stares at him blankly. “Anyway. Welcome to Stark Pictures. Sorry about this whole mess. We’re usually more professional.”

“It’s… fine.”

“I’m sure.” Tony didn’t sound convinced and Steve really didn’t want to try and convince him. The other man clapped him on the shoulder. “Listen, why don’t I drive you home. Where do’ya live?”

“Tony,” Pepper started, but Tony ignored her.

“Glendale? Burbank? What’s that one place from that one show?” He snaps his fingers a couple times, looking at Pepper expectantly.

“That’s not helpful,” is all she says.

It doesn’t seem to matter because Tony turns back to Steve. “West Covina. That’s it.”

“Pasadena.”

“Really? You don’t look like someone who’d live in Pasadena.”

Steve doesn’t know what that means. “I’m staying with friends.”

“Ah. Well, grab your stuff. I’ll take you home.”

“Tony, you should stay—”

“Pep, my favorite producer, light of my life, person who allows me to function.” He gripped her shoulders. Steve was really trying to figure out their relationship. “Happy isn’t going to be back anytime soon unless he runs all the red lights between here and LAX. Plus, you don’t need me here. I was just stopping by to stand around a look pretty.”

“Yeah, but Tony—”

“I’m just the owner of the studio, Pepper. You make the real magic happen,” he said, walking away backwards. “Come on, Steve.”

Steve’s desire to go home won out over anything else. “It was nice to meet you,” he tells Pepper, picking up god duffle from where he’d dropped it and double timing to catch up with Tony who was already halfway to the back entrance where he’s walked in.

When they made it outside, Steve stopped in his tracks because damn, this man had a nice car. Attractive, owned a movie studio, and he had great taste in cars? “Is that a—”

“Nineteen sixty-five Shelby Cobra? Yes, it is.” He popped the trunk and Steve stowed his duffle. “Did the restoration on this baby myself.”

“She’s beautiful,” Steve lightly ran his hand along the trim. Bucky was going to be so jealous.

“Thank you.” Something in Tony’s voice had Steve’s eyes popping up. He found Tony watching him. “This might sound a little crazy…”

“Yeah?”

“But did you want to get some dinner?”

“I’d love to,” he found himself saying before he could really think about it.

“Perfect. What are you in the mood for?”

“Honestly?” Steve and Tony climbed into the car. “I’d kill for a burger right now.” Coming almost directly off his last deployment, he hadn’t had a decent one in months.

“You’re in luck, I know where to get the best burgers in Hollywood.”

Tony started the car and drove out of the lot, the car purring. Apparently Tony’s hair hadn’t been styled that way; it was from driving with the top down. Steve could get used to this.

#stony bingo #cap-ironman bingo fill #stony #stevetony #stony fic #ao3 fic

[fearfilledvirgil]

Ivity and Anx: part twenty-one

Summary: Virgil and Roman hate each other to the core of their beings, but both become friends with a new stranger via the Sarrahas Project. Virgil takes to Creativity as well as Roman does to Anxiety, but they don’t know the true identity of the ones they’re slowing falling for.

Word count: 6615

Warnings: Body image issues, self-destructive thoughts, eating disorder/starving purposefully, negative thoughts about body, mild panic attack, talk of court hearings and trials, mild talk of parental abuse, a lot of swearing

Pairings: Slowburn Prinxiety, Logicality

A/N: sometimes i wish this was the last chapter purely so it stopped at 21 like twenty one pilots. the summary stopped applying to the entire story like,, halfway through but i dont want to change it because thats what this story was originally centered around btw logan’s birthday is august 31st, 2001

taglist at the end; masterlist

Roman was looking at himself in the bathroom mirror. He’d gotten out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist and froze when he saw his reflection. He knew that he’d gain a little when because Virgil was making him eat at least two full meals a day, but what he saw was ridiculous. It was like he’d eaten nothing but butter, potato chips, and cake for the last week. He’d gained so much weight.

He couldn’t see his collarbones anymore. Roman ran his hands over where they once were. He could still feel them, but they weren’t as noticeable as before. Next Roman moved his hands to his face and squished it. There was far more chub to his cheeks than before.

Roman felt his breathing getting faster as his mind started racing. Roman, you fucking idiot! How could you let yourself eat that much food?! Look at yourself! You’ll never lose any of that back. You’ll be this ugly mess of a man forever now. Damn it, Roman! Slowly Roman sank to the floor and held his arms around his waist, trying to squeeze it in.

Virgil just finished with a court hearing to decide his fate. He found out that nothing would be set in stone until after the trial. However, he had no relatives to move in with while his father was in prison, so that left two options. He owed Patton more than anything because without him saying that his family would be willing to take Virgil in, he would’ve ended up in the foster care system. That idea scared him senseless because he’d never get out. Who would have wanted a teen as fucked up like him?

Virgil sighed as he unlocked the door to Roman’s house, glad that Roman had lent him the key before his hearing. It felt weird walking into the house without Roman next to him. Almost like he didn’t belong there. He looked around the bottom floor to tell Roman the news. When he didn’t see Roman downstairs he decided to head upstairs to the room he was staying in to start folding his clothes and tell him after.

Once he got to the top of the stairs he could faintly hear sobs from the other side of the closed bathroom door. He didn’t see the other car in the driveway--just Roman’s in the street--so he knew Roman was the only one home. Virgil quickly rushed to the door and knocked on it, his anxiety going through the roof. “Princey?” He listened but the only noise that answered him was a choked sob. His hand grasped the gold doorknob handle. “Ro, I’m coming in.” Virgil quickly turned the doorknob and rushed inside, glad that it was unlocked. His heart broke when he saw Roman curled in on himself on the floor. He rushed to the other boy’s side and kneeled next to him. Hesitantly, he put his hands on Roman’s shoulders like Logan often did to him. He tried to quell the awkward feeling rising in his stomach brought on by Roman’s shirtless shoulders. “Princey. Look at me.” Roman shook his head, still crying and still facing the ground. He said something, but it was too faint for Virgil to understand. “Ro, please. You need to look at me. I need to know what’s wrong.” Virgil hated how his voice broke on the word ‘please,’ but he didn’t care. Roman needed help. Slowly, as if doing the action in water, Roman lifted his head just enough that he could look at Virgil from under his wet hair. “You don’t wanna look at my ugly face.” Roman mumbled, barely loud enough to be heard. Virgil felt his heart break once again. “Roman,” he started, voice almost wavering. The name felt odd on his tongue, but a good kind of odd. “Your face is not ugly.” “Yes, it is!” Roman screamed. Virgil was taken back by the sudden change but did not move. “It’s hideous and fat! I’m fucking fat, Virgil! Look at me! You can’t see my fucking collar bones anymore and my fucking face is huge and you can see my stomach and I don’t have any fucking abs anymore and it’s all just ugly!” “It is not ugly, Princey, nor are you fat. You’ve started eating regularly. After so long of you starving yourself your body thinks it’s going to happen again, so it tries to fight that. Fuck, I wish I knew as much as Logan right now. He’d be able to explain why better than me. I looked it up before, and your body holds onto the fat for a while after you stop starving yourself so it can burn it later if you stop eating again. But once it realizes you’re eating regularly without starving it, it’ll burn that fat away. You don’t have to starve yourself to look thin. Just give your body time.” “I don’t have that time! Damn it, Virgil, you don’t get it! I have to look good because it’s how I’m supposed to as the Prince! This this this useless ugly flab is going to ruin that!” Tears were streaming down Roman’s face. Virgil didn’t know how to help his friend. He knew that he wanted to because he cared deeply for him, maybe even loved him in a way. Closing his eyes, Virgil tried to remember how Logan helped him through a freakout. Right now he just hoped he would find a way to help Roman like he’d been helped. “Roman. Roman, I want you to take a deep breath for me okay? Do you think you can do that?” Virgil watched as Roman tried to take one but it came out shaky. “It’s okay Roman. Roman, we can do it again. I’m going to count it out with you okay? Ready?” Roman watched his friend help him through the breathing exercise that he had used to help calm Virgil down. It was slow going, every few breaths at first, Roman would let a sob escape. Virgil never seemed upset by that. He just kept reassuring that it would be okay and went back to counting. Eventually Roman was able to do one full set without sobbing, then a second. After the fifth cycle of breathing Virgil smiled at Roman. “Good job.” Gently he used his sweater paw to wipe the tears off the other man’s face. “You did really good, Roman.” Roman couldn’t help but sniff. “Thank you.” He said softly. “Of course, Sir Sings-a-lot.” There was a faint smile tugging on Virgil’s lips. “Look, I know that dealing with… shit, what does Logan call them? Cognitive… something. Fuck,” Roman couldn’t help but smile at how flustered Virgil was getting. “Anyway, it’s when your brain makes something out to be worse than it really is. Dealing with that is really hard, and I’m not expecting you to be better right now, but I want you to know that you are not ugly or fat. Yes, you’ve put on a couple pounds, but that’s your body trying to prepare to starve again. If you keep eating regularly your body will see that it doesn’t have to store those pounds anymore and it will be used up. “You’ll be looking like your stunning Princely self in no time,” Virgil’s heart beat slightly faster as he said that for a reason unknown to him. “But you have to keep eating how you have been. I know it’ll be hard but trust me. It will be worth it.” Roman couldn’t help but admit his heart did a flip at Virgil calling him ‘stunning’. “How do you know it’ll go away?” “Dude, I’m not Logan. I don’t have a list of reasons ready at the drop of a hat. But I looked into what your body does while combating an eating disorder before I knew you were Ivity. I wanted to know as much about what you were going through to help as much I could... Your body stores the fats of any food you eat so it has something to burn off when you stop eating again. That’s why everything looks worse than it actually is. But it will get burnt off when your body realizes that it doesn’t need to store it anymore.”

“How long do you think that will take?” Roman asked tentatively, shifting on the floor. As he became very aware that he was in nothing but a towel, a blush rose to his face.

Virgil noticed the blush but didn’t realize why. He’d forgotten about it himself. “It depends on you. If you keep eating like we have been, a couple weeks? If you go back to starving for any period of time it’ll be longer. But I’m going to be here to help you through it.” He gently moved his hand down to be reassuringly on Roman’s arm. In doing so his eyes were drawn to Roman’s body. As it dawned on him again why Roman was blushing, he couldn’t help but blush as well. The two boys sat flustered on the bathroom floor for a few moments. Roman was the first to speak. “Thank you, Virgil.” “Of course, Princey. It’s the least I could do after you pulled me back from several attacks. Sorry I wasn’t better at it.” Roman shrugged. “You didn’t know what would help me. And you tried which means a lot. Sorry for snapping at you.” “‘S okay. Logan’s heard what he’s deemed as my ‘demon voice’ a couple times when there was a really bad attack so I think it’s more normal.” “Your ‘demon voice?’” Roman asked, raising his eyebrow. “He said it sounds like my voice gets lower when I’m dealing with some really bad stuff. I can’t tell the difference but I guess Logan can.” “Interesting,” Roman commented, remembering something similar happening during Virgil’s worst attack. “I don’t want to hear that more than once.” “What, scared?” Virgil teased him. “I thought Princes were supposed to deal with scary things?” “Ha. Ha.” Roman answered sarcastically with a smile before looking more serious. “I don’t want to know what it sounds like again because I don’t want you to have an attack that bad again.” Virgil’s jaw dropped open for a minute. “Uh… I…” “It’s okay. I know you were trying to get me to smile. And it worked.” “Good.” “Now if you don’t mind I’m going to go change and you can tell me how your court hearing went.” “Yeah. Sounds good.”

Virgil scrambled to his feet and offered Roman a hand. Roman accepted it and got to his feet, his other hand holding the towel in place. After both were standing Virgil let go of Roman’s hand and rushed out of the room, his cheeks still faintly rosy. What he couldn’t see was the tint on Roman’s face as well as he walked to his bedroom to change. Roman closed the door to his room and sighed. He knew that Virgil was right, but it was still hard. He felt gross in his own body. Quickly he got dressed, putting on one of his baggier shirts. Once that was done he walked back into the bathroom to hang the towel back up. With a sigh, he turned and faced the mirror.

Without knowing why Roman gently poked at his cheeks and then his stomach. “It will be alright, Roman.” He said softly under his breath, hoping that saying the words out loud would make them come true. “You’ll be ok. You’ll look like you again. Patton will still love you like this. Virgil will still care for you. He already proved that.” With a deep breath, Roman squared his shoulders and walked out of the bathroom towards his brother’s old room. Gently he knocked on the open door.

Virgil looked up from his folding. “Hey. Come on in.” “Hey.” Roman walked in and gently sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb any of the folded clothes. “Want some help?” “You don’t have to.” “I don’t mind.” “Alright. No point in turning down the help.” The two worked in silence for several minutes. Roman was worried about what Virgil found out at the hearing but he wasn’t sure how to ask. Virgil wanted to tell Roman the good news about Patton’s family taking him in, but he figured the monotonous task would help calm him. Finally, Roman’s curiosity got the better of him. “Hey, Virge?” “Yeah?” “How did the thing go?” “It went okay. I found out nothing is set in stone but for now, I’m away from him. Since he’s in jail.” “That’s awesome, Virgil,” Roman’s relief was clear. “Wait. Where are you going to go then? Are you going into the system?” Panic was showing again. He hated that he couldn’t help. His mothers knew that he felt strongly for Virgil, but they were worried that if he stayed for much longer, there would be constant ‘alone time’ between them. Virgil shook his head. “Thankfully no. If no one had offered to take me in I would’ve, but Patton’s family is going to take me in. They said they’ll have a small bed ready for me in Patton’s room tomorrow and that I can have the couch tonight.” “I’m glad that his family is willing to take you in. I’m sorry you couldn’t stay here. My moms were being ridiculous in their reasoning, but there’s no arguing with them.” “It’s alright, Roman. Honestly. The fact they let me stay for so long means a lot.” “Still,” He saw Virgil shrug. “Anyway, you’ll like spending that much time with Patton. I think.” “It’ll be tiring, but I think I’ll get used to it. I like Patton so it’s a bonus.” “You’ll get used to his excitement.” The worry Roman had throughout the day was finally gone. He knew that Patton would be able to help Virgil and keep him safe. “And I’m glad you like him.” “Even if I didn’t, I would be seeing a lot of him between you and him being best friends and him and Logan being together.” “Fair point. So it really is a bonus that you like him.” Virgil nodded. “I owe him a lot. If he didn’t talk his family into taking me in I would’ve ended up in the system until I was eighteen. No one would want someone so fucked up.” “You don’t know that. And you’re not that fucked up.” Roman became defensive when the other boy scoffed. “You’re not.” “Seriously, Princey? The guy who has anxiety and panic attacks basically every day isn’t fucked up? If I’m not fucked up then I don’t know who is.” “You have effects of your life showing themselves. Honestly, if anyone went through what you did and didn’t have some pretty bad anxiety, I’d think they would be pretty messed up. You have the anxiety because of what you went through. What was it Patton told you? ‘Scars are a tapestry of our experiences’ I think it was. Think of your anxiety as another scar. It shows you that you survived a horrible experience.” “Well aren’t you one for turning manure into flowers.”  Virgil said dryly, though he couldn’t help but feel a little bit better about his anxiety. “It’s a gift,” Roman replied with a small smile tugging on the corner of his lips. “Seriously, I think you’re less fucked up than I am.” “Okay, now that is a load of fucking shit, Ro.” “I don’t think it is.” “You feel the way you do because that’s how society has made you feel. If you can’t see your ribs and collarbones and don’t have a six-pack, you’re not handsome. But they’re wrong. And what you’re feeling isn’t bad or stupid. You’re going against what others have shoved down your throat for years and it’s even harder for you since you’re working in the part of society that idolizes that look. But you can still be handsome without looking that way. Patton doesn’t fit that mold and yet Logan gets all tongue-tied around him.” “That’s because Patton is easy to love.” “Not in the same way. You don’t love Patton the same way Logan does.” Roman shrugged. “I still don’t like how I am.” “No one really likes who they are. But with time they learn to accept who they are. I know I’m a fucked up person with horrible anxiety and scars covering my body. And for a long time, I thought the scars were ugly and just made me even worse than I already was.” Virgil raised his hand to stop Roman from protesting. “But you and Patton are helping me see that I’m more than my scars. That they don’t show who I am. Just like you not liking your body doesn’t show who you are. And with support and time, you’ll learn to accept it. Besides, it’s nicer to hug someone who doesn’t feel like a skeleton.” Roman couldn’t argue with Virgil’s last comment. He enjoyed Patton’s hugs immensely, partially due to the fact that there was more to hug and that he flowed warmth and comfort. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he wondered if he was nicer to hug now. Patton would tell him he was always nice to hug though so Roman didn’t know if he’d ever get the true answer. “Maybe...” Roman you know you’ll never accept yourself, why even lie? “You will, Princey. Just give it time.” Virgil looked at Roman intensely. “To quote Patton, ‘you’re stronger than you seem.’ Just keep moving forward.” “You don’t play fair, Virgil. You turned Patton’s words on me.” “You started it. I’m just returning the favor.” The duo finished folding the clothes in silence. Virgil gently put them into the backpack that Patton lent him. He put the PJs on the top as a reminder to wash and return them to Roman as soon as he could. As much as Roman was glad Virgil was staying with Patton he didn’t want to let the emo leave. He enjoyed spending time with Virgil and having him around. It helped pushed Roman’s fears away knowing that he could protect the lanky boy if he needed. Roman knew that he was safe at Patton’s at well but it didn’t make it easier. “-ey. Ivity.” Virgil’s voice broke through to Roman. “I’m sorry. What?” “I said Patton was talking about doing brunch tomorrow to celebrate getting a roommate.” “Oh. That would be fun.” “I thought it would be nice.” Just then the doorbell rang. “That’s probably Patton.” “I’ll walk you down.” Virgil picked up the backpack and stood up. Roman stood a moment later and lead the way out of the room into the main floor. Virgil put the bag down to grab his shoes as Roman opened the door. “Hi, Ro!” Patton greeted cheerfully. “Hey, Pat. Virge is just getting his shoes on.” Roman moved to let the younger boy in. Patton stepped into the house, closing the door behind him. “I’m pretty sure that Virgil already told you but I was thinking of you, me, Virgil and Logan going out for brunch tomorrow to celebrate. Plus I think it’d be a nice way to kind of relax, even for a little while.” And for Lolo’s birthday but if I say anything in front of Virgil he might tell Logan. “He did. And it sounds wonderful.” Patton bounced up and down on the balls of his feet. “It’s going to be so exciting having a roommate and someone my own age at the house.” “I’m like a year older than you Patton.” Virgil said, slinging his backpack over one shoulder. “That’s nothing. We’re still in the same grade so we’re basically the same age” “Whatever you say, Pat.” There was a small smile forming on Virgil’s lips. “Are you ready to go?” “I am.” He turned to look at Roman. “Thank you Princey. For everything.” “You’re very welcome Virgil. I’ll still be here in you need anything.” “Likewise. See you tomorrow then.” “Until then my wonderful subjects.” Roman said with a smile, striking a pose. “I take it back, I thank you for everything but that.” Patton couldn’t help but smile proudly at the two boys in front of him. “See you tomorrow kiddo!” He said as he and Virgil walked out of the house. Virgil followed behind Patton. Despite everything he’d been through this was the first time he felt truly free. Staying with Roman was a reprise from everything, but now knowing that his father was going to be away from him, even for a while, made him feel weightless. He watched as Patton started the car and turned to wave at Roman. As Patton started to drive away he couldn’t help but look forward to his new future, for however long it lasted.

Patton woke up early in the morning as he often did. He stretched his arms over his head and smiled, happy for the new day. It was an extremely important day. It was the first morning that Virgil was staying with him as well as Logan’s birthday. Patton practically bounced off the bed and made his way to the closet. The youngest boy pulled out two boxes. One contained a joke gift he was going to give Logan, which was cat ears that moved by the power of brainwaves. The other contained the real gifts of a periodic table shower curtain and a TARDIS cookie jar. Patton quickly wrapped the two up neatly, putting a note to open the one containing the gag gift first. Once that was completed, he quietly tiptoed downstairs so he wouldn’t wake Virgil so he could start breakfast. Patton didn’t need to worry, however, because when he reached the bottom of the stairs he noticed Virgil sitting up on the couch. “Morning, Virgil.” He said softly. Virgil’s eyes shot up, fear clear in them until they landed on Patton. Recognition crossed the emo’s face and he visibly calmed. “Oh. Morning Pat.” “Are you okay, kiddo?” Worry ran though Patton like a racecar. The fact that Virgil was so terrified of someone saying good morning to him broke Patton’s heart. A lot of things Virgil was doing was breaking his heart. “Yeah.” Virgil lied. When he noticed Patton’s look of ‘don’t lie to me; I see straight through you’, he sighed, knowing that he’d be better off with telling the truth. “Didn’t sleep well. Still sort of worried that your family might change their mind. And just worried.” Patton furrowed his eyebrows but continued to walk into the kitchen. He knew what Virgil meant by saying ‘just worried’ but he wasn’t surprised. That’s a part of the reason for the lunch today. A way to get Virgil’s mind off of things, even for a little while. “Virgil, they wouldn’t do that. They’re not that kind of people… but I understand the fear. Tell you what, why don’t we make a quick breakfast, and then we can get ready to meet with the others? I wanna tell the people at the restaurant that it’s Lo’s birthday before he gets there.” Panic crossed Virgil’s face as he shifted on his makeshift bed. “Today’s August 31st? Fuck.. fuck! I didn’t finish his present,” Virgil’s hand flew to his hair to tease on it. “He’s going to be so fucking upset. Fuck.” “Language,” Patton said firmly, still standing in the kitchen. “But,  it’ll be okay, my friend. We can stop on the way and pick him up something from you if you want. He would never hate you, especially over forgetting a gift with everything else going on,” He took a small step toward Virgil, but there was still plenty of space between the couch and where Patton stood next to the kitchen island. “It’ll be okay.” Virgil tried to bring his panic back in check. He knew that Patton was right, but that didn’t stop the guilt from rising up in his chest. He’d never forgotten to buy, or finish making, Logan something for his birthday since the two became friends. You fucked this up too Virgil. His mind started to play. Logan’s going to hate you. He’s going to tell Patton that you’re a horrible friend. You fucking ruin everything, Virgil. Patton saw Virgil slowly start to spiral down, but he had no idea what to do. Since the older didn’t like to be touched much, and the younger comforted mainly through touch, the two were at an impasse. In an attempt to calm Virgil’s fast running brain, Patton sat down next to Virgil. He hoped the warmth and solidness of a friend next to him were grounding to the older boy. He seemed to be right, as Virgil leaned toward Patton. He didn’t touch him, but there was definitely a move to get closer.

In an attempt to further calm his friend, Patton decided to do what he saw Logan doing sometimes in the midst of panic: ask yes or no questions. “Did you already start on something for Logan’s birthday?” Virgil made a noise of agreement. “Good. I’ll tell you what, do you want to get ready and we can stop at your house?” Another sound of agreement from Virgil. “We can finish the present and maybe get him a jar of Crofters on the way as an apology for not trying the delicious jam for so long?” Patton teased, but it wasn’t in a mean kind of tone. He knew now with Virgil’s dad arrested, he would be safe going back there. Plus, going back to a place that was the home of so much trauma would be easier with a friend by Virgil’s side. Virgil couldn’t help but chuckle at that, the calm way Patton spoke mixed with the kind joking helped put him more at ease. “I think I’d owe him a lifetime supply of Crofters if that were the case. And… thank you. For coming up with a solution,” He was definitely calmer than before, but still was a bit shaky when he took in a deep breath. “I’m good at pointing out problems, but not really solving them.”

“No problem, kiddo. Now, where do you live again?”

Virgil and Patton were already sitting at Logan’s favorite corner booth at the Corner Cafe when Roman walked in. Patton saw him first, since he was the one facing the door, and waved him over. Roman smiled upon seeing Patton, walking over quickly and sliding in next to Virgil. He placed the bright red, glittery gift bag on the floor by his feet. “Greetings, wonderful citizens!” Roman declared. He must have been feeling better from his break down the day prior. Patton giggled, his body wiggling in his seat as he did so. “Hi, Ro!” “Uh, Princey?” Virgil asked, making a facial expression that was a cross between a sneer and one of being uncomfortable. “Yes, Yung-brutting?” Roman turned to face Virgil instead of Patton as he talked, using a pun off of the musician YUNGBLUD. “Switch spots with me?” Virgil hated feeling trapped between the wall and Roman. He always needed a clear path of escape. It was one of the reasons he and Logan’s favorite booth was right next to the emergency exit. But now, Roman was blocking his path out. Roman could tell that Virgil was feeling uncomfortable, even behind that sneer. Without a second thought, he made a sound of agreement and moved out of the seat. Once Virgil had moved out as well, he slid back into it. Virgil sat next to Roman again with a small grunt, and an even smaller, “Thanks.” “You’re welcome.” Roman all but whispered back to him. “So, Roman, how was your morning so far?” Patton broke into the conversation, almost interrupting Roman, as he didn’t hear the exchange of thanks. “It was wonderful. I had some toast with Crofters and an apple for breakfast.” “So it made you look like even more of an asshole?” Virgil quipped. “Language young man.” Patton chastised him. At the same time, Roman made an offended noise, doing his signature mock hurt hand pose. It was, thankfully, quieter than normal though. He must have been avoiding attention at the moment, which made both people at the table happy. “Excuse you! And I understand that reference, but still, excuse you!” Virgil could help but chuckle, but before he could respond Logan, walked up to the table with ‘Salutations’ on his tongue. His eyes immediately found the presents under the table, which made him crack a tiny grin. “Hi, Lolo!” Patton said as he stood up and hugged the other. “Happy Birthday.” Logan gently wrapped his arms around the shorter boy, still not completely comfortable with just how affectionate Patton was. He hugged back anyway because he would do anything for Patton, even if the touch was still a little too white-hot on his skin. “Thank you, Patton.” Virgil could tell that his friend wasn’t completely comfortable with the exchange. While he didn’t know a lot of Logan’s past or the reason why physical signs of affection were so odd for him, he understood. That’s why most of the time the two would do hand touches to show the care or concern. Actually, that’s how Logan putting his hands firmly on Virgil’s shoulders to help ground him started. “What’s up, Pocket Protector?” He asked as Patton slid back into the booth, scooting over far enough for Logan to join him. “Nothing truly,” Logan answered as he sat. “It has been a mostly peaceful morning, though I had overslept which will throw off my circadian rhythm until I am able to correct it.” He noticed that Roman had a confused expression. “Simply put, I will need to fix my sleeping and waking schedule.” “Ah. Thank you for not expecting us all to be nerds and understanding that.” Logan rolled his eyes as Patton giggled. “Well, it’s your birthday. You’re allowed to do what you want today.” “Honestly I wish for a peaceful, relaxing day among friends.” “I think we can manage that one for ya Lo,” Virgil said, knowing that Logan’s life had been thrown into chaos lately. “Let me take a wild guess what you’re getting. Cuz it’s not like you’ve ever gotten it before.” There was a playful yet knowing smirk on Virgil’s lips. Logan rarely differed in his order since he found his favorite. Logan couldn’t help the fond smile that tugged on his lips. “You’re correct.” “What is it you normally get, Lolo?” Patton asked, curious. “Eggs Benedict with an English muffin on the side.” Both Logan and Virgil said in unison. Patton couldn’t help the loving giggle that escaped him. “Well, that sounds eggcellent.”

Roman chuckled at the pun while Logan playfully rolled his eyes. “What are you going to get, Pat?” “I’m gonna get the strawberry pancakes with extra strawberries! What about you, Ro?” “I’m not entirely sure. The spinach and cheese scramble doesn’t sound too bad.” “Nothing this place has is bad.” Virgil assured him. Roman nodded. “What about you?” “Half an order of french toast and a side of hash browns.” “Is that enough food for you kiddo?” Patton asked worriedly. Virgil nodded. “It’s plenty of food.” “If you’re sure.” “It’s his normal order and he occasionally has a few bites left on his plate.” Logan reassured his Heart. When the server came, the four ordered their food as well as their drinks. Logan and Virgil got a cup of coffee, Roman ordered a cup of green tea, and Patton got hot cocoa with whipped cream. Once that was taken care of, Patton pulled out the joke gift. “Happy Birthday, Lo.” “Thank you, Patton.” Logan gingerly took the gift and unwrapped it. He had a look of intrigue and surprise as he pulled the present out. “I-I am at a loss for words Patton. It’s definitely… unique. I’m curious as to how it works. How exactly it reads one's brainwaves to know how the mechanical ears should react is interesting.” “Great cheese pastry he likes it.” Roman’s awe was clear in the tone of his voice. “It is a gift I was not expecting but I am curious about it.” Patton’s smile widened. “Actually I got you another gift too. This one was a joke gift. I’m really glad you like it though.” Logan’s mouth dropped open. “You mean to tell me this isn’t a cunning plan to get me to understand your love of cats?” Patton giggled. “No. But you should learn to love cats.” He handed the other gift over. Logan opened it and smiled at the thoughtfulness. He had told Patton before that the curtain for his shower at the dorm was in dire need of being replaced. Also, it was amazing that Patton remembered his admiration for Doctor Who. An added bonus is he could put many of the Crofters thumbprint cookies in it whenever Patton made some for him. “Thank you, Patton. These are very well thought out gifts and I appreciate them greatly.” “I’m glad you like them Lolo!” Patton smiled widely. “My turn Calculator Watch.” Roman pulled out his sparkly bag and slid it over to Logan. “Thank you, Roman.” Logan hid his annoyance at the glitter that was falling on the table. One thing he noticed about the singer is his love for theatrics and flair. Carefully, Logan pulled out a set of thirty colored pens. Despite his preference for black pens, he couldn’t help but notice these were set in the color of the rainbow, going from dark red and slowly grading into purple by the end. They would be good for color coding. Next, he pulled out a six-pack of highlighters. The next item was a large pack of multi-colored sticky notes. Reaching further into the bag, Logan removed five different Washi Tapes. To his slight annoyance, two of them were glitter based, but it appeared as if the glitter would stick to the tape and not fall on everything. The final item was a dark navy blue bullet journal. Curious about the color of the paper, Logan opened it. To his relief, he saw the paper was an off-white shade as the stark white of some made him more prone to headaches if he stared at it for too long. Despite his initial hesitancy, this was truly a well thought out gift.

“Thank you, Roman,” Logan said as he returned the items to the bag. “As much as the excessive glitter that is now on the table is infuriating, it is an extremely practical gift.” “Well, I had to give some sort of excitement to the gift. Besides, anytime you see the glitter you’ll think of me.” “Whatever you say.” There was a kindness in Logan’s eyes that Roman caught. “So...um…” Virgil said, looking slightly unsure of his gift. He knew that it would mean a lot but that didn’t hide the fact he was worried Logan would be disappointed in it. “Here.” Virgil handed Logan a small box that is wrapped in the same paper as Patton’s. “Thank you, Virgil.” Logan took it and opened it carefully. Inside was a heavy spiral notebook. The front and back black covers were plastic as opposed to the thin cardboard material of most. Gently he opened the front cover to check the color of paper, though he knew Virgil knew about how the colored affected him. What he wasn’t expecting was to find writing on the front page. Carefully his eyes scanned over the first paragraph. ‘Hey there Logan. This is Virgil in the past talking. From April 20th of 2018 to be exact, because you like to be exact. So anyway, in this notebook, I’ve written every memory I have ever made with you. Plus how I feel about them. It’s going to be a lot of fucking reading (and it will be kind of messy at times, you know my handwriting fucking sucks. And fuck I wish I could rip out pages but I can’t, they’re numbered) but I know that you can get through it. I know YOU, Pocket Protector. Just like you know me. And honestly? I’m glad I know you. And, thanks for being in my life. Fuck that was cheesy.’ Logan couldn’t help the tears that were forming in his eyes. Gently he took his napkin and dabbed his eyes under his glasses. He knew that Virgil must have had to save for weeks to be able to buy this notebook, but he didn’t care. The fact that he had taken the time to write all of these things down meant more to Logan than anything he could’ve gotten. “Virgil…”

“I know its a little over the top, but you already have like 15 notebooks for notes, and I knew that one more fucking empty notebook wouldn’t be of any use--” Virgil was rattling off, not looking at Logan but instead at the table.

“I love it.” Logan managed, a small crack in his voice in the middle of the word ‘love.’ That made Virgil look up, which made him see the tears still welling in Logan’s eyes.

“Oh, shit, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“Just shhh and take the compliment, Virge.” Roman whispered from his spot in the corner. A small glance from both of the darker wearing boys saw that he was smiling fondly. His hand was over his mouth as if he were trying to hide the smile. He loved being able to read upside down. And the fact that Logan had set the notebook flat on the table helped. Patton silently passed his napkin to Logan once he finished reading the paragraph. It took all he had to not coo and squeal at the adorableness of what was written. Virgil had told him earlier what was in the notebook, but seeing Virgil’s heart painted across the page was a whole different story. Logan nodded thanks to Patton as he turned and blew his nose. This moment proved to everyone who called him emotionless that they were wrong. Logan knew that he felt emotions; there was a barrage of them hitting him now. Undoubtedly, love was the one he felt the strongest. It was almost like he could feel the love that Virgil poured into his writing. “I love it,” Logan repeated again once he got himself composed. “Honestly, Virgil. This is a wonderful gift and I... I look forward to reading it.”

“Really?” Virgil couldn’t keep the awe from his voice. “Really.” Logan gently closed the book back up and slid it carefully into the box that also held the cat ears. “Thank you, Virgil.” “You’re, uh, welcome Logan.” Patton smiled widely at the little group of friends. It was clear that the four of them all cared for one another. His heart swelled with love as the food was brought out. He wanted to hug them all close to him and never let go. However, with the table between them all, it was impossible to do. What was possible was for him to gently hug Logan’s arm in a show of love. “Thank you, Patton.” Logan said gently as he took a sip of his coffee. “You’re welcome Lolo.” The four friends ate in mostly silence, just enjoying one another's company. Logan found the peacefulness to be helpful for Virgil which was an added bonus. The young emo was relaxed for the first time in a few months. Logan would cherish this time forever. He just hoped that the calm would last.

And then, the calm did not last.

next part

Taglist: @rileyfirstname @verymuchanidiot @definentlynotjustanotherlemon @silversmith-91 @kanejandkruge @sander-fander-sides @lovecrazyjennybear @the-incedible-sulk @hexdream18243 @crows-with-hats @monikastec @definenormalifyoucan @i-am-absolute-fandom-trash @applecannibal @cats-with-blogs @bubblycricket @witchcraft--and--wizardry @bunnyartie @quietlypondering @elusivefalsehoods @hghrules @royallyanxious @quietwords-loudthoughts @squishynonbinarytwink @sortablue @illogical-anxieties @savingshae @a-fander-named-skittles @thelowlysatsuma @ughthatsprettygay @im-so-infinitesimal @certifiedtrashxx @karmels-stuff @sanders-sides-trash-blog @musicqueen1239 @the-average-loner @nicological1 @oh-star-how-the-mighty-fall @surleytemple @nervous-collection @asapmy @super-magical-wizard @arandompasserby @serenitythepanther @ijustrealizedhowdumbmynamewas @kaioanxiety @liz-a-bell @afilhadehades-blog @coffee-fueled-art @multifandomwierdo

#fail's writing #fails writing #i forgot which one was my actual tag akjsdfs #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #roman angst #virgil angst #im really bad at remebering to post but here you go my dudes

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How about some klance smut?

!This is pure smut!

If you dont like just ignore this :)

Space

(don't) hold my breath

Keith finds out a very important skill that Lance has: that he can hold his breath for a long time. He adds it to the list of reasons he’s pining after Lance—his right hand man, his teammate, his friend.

See also: sad desert boy falls hopelessly in love with self-proclaimed mermaid boy with a heart of gold. Watch these two oblivious idiots find their home in each other.

8,658 words   AO3

Lucky Habits

Lance has a habit of licking his lips before he takes particularly difficult shots with his blaster.

Keith has begun to notice said habit and it's slowly driving him mad.

Thankfully, Lance isn't as oblivious as he seems.

9,485 words   AO3

Hopelessly Devoted

“There he is,” Lance grinned, wide enough to break the kiss. He looked so damned satisfied, already. “There's my boy.”

4916 words  AO3

Take Me, I'm Yours

An unfortunate coincidence leads to Keith hiding in a closet, while Lance gets it on with an alien woman outside. It changes everything.

Keith can't erase the sight from his mind. He can't sleep, he can't fight. He can't control himself.

There is nothing he can do except swallow his pride and ask Lance for a favor.

He should have known he would have to beg for it.

6,732 words   AO3

Pix Or It Didn't Happen

Giving a whole new meaning to team bonding, Allura and Lance jointly plan a photography (read selfie) contest. Allura's contribution? Put the paladins in pairs for picture taking. Even before the teams were 'randomly' selected, Keith could have told you who he'd end up paired with. It goes about as well as could be expected.

14,690 words   AO3

Boys Will Be Boys    

There’s blood in his mouth, blood dripping from his nose, blood in his hair from where Keith fucking scratched him, blood boiling in his veins and clouding his vision with red. There’s too much blood for a friendly sparring session, that’s for sure.

This isn’t a friendly sparring session, not anymore.

6,736 words   AO3

I just wanna make love to you

Both Paladin and Blade stood in silence for almost a full minute, staring at each other with indiscernible expressions (or at least Lance thinks the latter is, can’t really tell with the identity protecting mask adorning their face.)

Before he can stop himself, he opens his mouth with a smirk curling at his lips.

“You come here often?” Lance asks, tilting his head coyly.

26,736 words   AO3

Research Purposes    

In retrospect, Lance knew he was overreacting. Thinking about it just a little too hard.  He just didn't consider Keith would ever be- Nah, actually, he wasn't that surprised... Did that mean Keith had totally been checking him out? Did he think he was hot? Would dudes be into him? What was it like to mess around with dudes? Was Keith experienced with that sort of thing? He just needed to know. For... science?

(In which Keith mentions something that reveals he's gay, Lance is excessively shocked, and everyone else already knew because it wasn't even a secret. In short, Lance is an oblivious idiot and finally accepts his bisexuality.)

10796 words   AO3

You Always Say the Stupidest Shit

"I know what your problem is," Lance interrupts, pointing a finger at him and smirking as though he's just personally discovered the deepest secret of the universe. God only knows why Keith stops talking then, but in hindsight, he wishes he'd have just gotten louder.

"You need to get laid," Lance announces.

13,370 words   AO3

The Royal Treatment    (Altean Lance/Galra Keith!)

“You’ve met me, congratulations,” Keith said shortly.

“Now go meet someone else.

”“Ouch,” he said. “And that’s not true; I don’t even know your name yet!”Keith wrinkled his nose. Maybe telling this irksome creature his title would scare him off. “I am Lord Kethyr, second son of Emperor Zarkon,” he retorted.

“Satisfied now?”

The Altean, unfortunately, was not deterred in the slightest by this. “Ooh, a royal? How exciting. I’m Lance.”

11,998 words   AO3

Modern

Don't Break Connection, Baby

(Series not completed 50,615 words 3 works)

Keith works part-time as a phone sex operator and receives a prank call from Lance. This does not go as planned for Lance. Thus begins the adventure of our dear sweet goofball continuing to call Keith to fuck with him (but not like fuck fuck with him...at least not yet). And y'know, eventually having legit conversations with him and getting attached and growing on Keith.

38,721 words   AO3

Will you sing to the Beat of my Heart?

(Musician!Keith Verse not completed 10,132 words 2 works)

Keith is a musician sometimes playing in the park Lance walks through every day. Lance falls in love—both with the music, and Keith. Keith, meanwhile, can't help but notice the cutie in the crowd. Both think there is no chance to get to know each other—but fate has a different plan.

8,833 words   AO3

Of Tinted Windows and Fancy Leather Seats

Drive Me Crazy Series not completed 9,345 words 2 works

"One last question, Keith. Do you want me to fuck you? If you say no, then I’ll leave you alone. You can also punch me if you want. But if you say yes, my car is here. Your pick, Mullet.”

5,964 words   AO3

Fuck Buddies With Benefits

“Hey babe,” the blue-eyed male in Keith’s doorway drawls, leaning his weight on one arm and smirking down at Keith from the irritating two-inch height difference between them. The guy likes taking advantage of it while he can, before Keith shoves him onto the bed and is the one looking down for once.

Keith rolls his eyes and steps aside to let Lance into his dorm room, locking the door behind them in case Shiro stops by to check on him. Shiro would likely not be impressed by Keith’s self-care methods if he found his baby cousin in bed with some guy he met at the bar, a blank document still waiting to be filled on his laptop screen.

19,183 words   AO3

The Patrulian Zone    

Lance logs in to Oriande, the dating app known for easy hook ups with no strings attached. Finding Keith, he gets exactly what he signed up for.

So how come suddenly, it doesn't feel like enough?

17,498 words   AO3

technologic

In which Lance sends Keith an accidental snapchat that somehow leads to them becoming sexting buddies.

5193 words   AO3

A/B/O

Want          (Want Series completed 83,799 words 4 works)

Lance makes the decision to sell himself for the sake of his family. The only problem is that no ones seems to want him. When Shiro buys Lance for his alpha little brother, the omega can't believe his luck.

But does Keith even want anything to do with his new gift or is Lance destined to be an unwanted omega forever?

24,695   AO3

In the heat of the moment

Lance runs out of suppressants and is outed as an Omega. Keith wants to be his alpha. So much angst, sugar sweetness, more angst, gotta have a baby, and all the lovins. Plus there's Shatt! What's not to love. Please don't get too wrapped up in timelines, dynamics, or the lack of season 4. This is fiction.

25,037 words   AO3

The Lion's Pride

When Pidge confesses to being a female alpha and not a male one, the team realizes that she's not the only one hiding something. They realize Lance isn't the alpha he's posing as but actually an omega.

As with Pidge, they want to give Lance the time he needs to come clean on his own. But the team agrees to do their best to make Lance feel comfortable, considering how highly valued omegas are in packs.

Two team/pack-members especially find this new realization fascinating. Keith and Shiro want Lance to be their own omega. But can they handle the secret Lance is hiding, the one that made him cover up his status to begin with...?

30,822 woords   AO3

Practically Strangers

(Practically Everything Series   not completed, 8,117 words 2 works)

Lance was, in all aspects, an omega. He had accepted this part of him long ago, even embraced it. Keith was, in all forms of the word, an alpha. He was also pretty much a stranger, but Lance was willing to ignore that fact in favor of, um, other things.

4,768 words AO3

Your Sex I Can Smell

Lance was in hell… or heaven depending on your outlook. But for him it was currently hell.  He’d not been expecting to go into heat, ever. Heat was an Omega thing and as far as he knew 99.9% of Omegas were chicks.

He thought he’d just be another Beta, he’d given up hopes of becoming an Alpha when he still hadn’t presented by seventeen. But to be this late… to be twenty one and only just developing it was… humiliating. And as an Omega at that. But he had a plan. He could just... disguise it. Hide his scent.

Which was great. Except now Keith was almost impossible to get near, to tease and banter and basically annoy just to get a rise out of him. Lance missed seeing his face, missed his scent. His schoolboy crush had developed into something strangely immature for a twenty one year old but potent nonetheless. But Keith wouldn't give him the time of day. At least, not until a project forced them to work together.

25,747 words   AO3

What Else Could a Virgin Omega Do?

Lance was standing where he never thought he'd be standing, in line at the front desk of the nearest Alpha Brothel.

13,831 words   AO3

Don't Forget Your Vitamins

(series not completed 13,221 words 2 works)

Lance is an omega. Keith is a beta. This was something Lance had made peace with and determined that there was no way they could ever work. No matter how much he would like it to. Saving the universe and all that didn’t leave a whole lot of time to pursue such a complicated relationship.

However, when Keith finally starts getting the food and nutrition his hybrid body needs he is finally revealed to be an alpha. As he struggles with his new presentation, Lance tries his best to be there for him and support him. But it's difficult when the guy you love is now totally capable of giving you the best sex of your life.

11,406 words   AO3

Fuck self control (but really, don't.)

Lance hadn't presented by the time they got into space, leaving him vulnerable. Everything is fine until Keith's rut, and then it isn't

8,003 words   AO3

Omegaverse Series

Suddenly all Keith can hear is Hunk’s voice yelling over the com.

“Keith! You have to get out of there. Now!”

Keith wants to ask what’s wrong, but then the smell hits him.

The sickly sweet, and unmistakable smell of an omega in heat.

He whips around and sees Lance, standing a few feet back, bracing himself against the wall. His face is flushed, and he’s breathing heavy.

“I … I don’t feel so good.”

22,606 words  3 works   AO3

kiss like it's poisonous series (not completed)

A collection of all my fics that belong to this omegaverse au. It's basically just Keith and Lance being idiots and dancing around each other for like a span of five years, and you will all get the pleasure of reading it.

43,504 words 3 works   AO3

You All Over My Skin, I'm Anxious    

The worst part of it though, was that Keith was an alpha. A stupid, hotheaded alpha that Lance couldn’t help but get in petty arguments with like they had been married for fifty years. Keith, with his stupid mullet and how stupidly good he was at hand to hand combat and how stupidly hot he sounded when training. Lance would have gotten on his knees for him in seconds if he only asked. But an alpha needed an omega, and Lance was just a stupid beta. 

5,898 words   AO3

#klance #fanfic #fanfic list #smut #lance mcclain #keith kogane #voltron #vld #my list