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xoxo-bunnydumpling · 2 years

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I have been told I talk about Eli too much so here's what I did yesterday with minimal hot librarian involvement:

When I woke up it was already hot as shit so I had an iced coffee instead of a hot one and shared a cigarette with the neighbor. I've been trying to re-kick the habit by leaving my Endo-Day pack at his house, on his porch, because if I brought them home I'd smoke them all in a day and then go feral when I ran out. I like this neighbor a lot aside from him agreeing to be the smoke miser and I also like his dog and am not as annoyed as I should be that it comes to my yard to poo quite often. She's so fluffy, I can't be mad at such a fluffy girl.

I got bored so I cooked breakfast and in the midst of going over my script for Saturday I got bored again a few hours later and cooked lunch. Do I miss being a chef? Hell naw. I think I like cooking more now that I did before it became a chore. Breakfast was chocolate gravy and biscuits by request, and lunch was an everything-bagel and lox themed frittata because deep down I'm fully a breakfast-ass bitch.

Did a lot of laundry? Cleaned the bathroom? Remembered I had a real-job-of-work thing to get done and frantically finished it and submitted my invoice? All things that happened.

Had a weird dinner. I had an idea for confited tomatoes, but wasn't really sure what to do with them...so they ended up on crispbread with goat cheese and pickled beets. We ate a whole box of Wasa, which is not hard to do but still. Eli (sorry! He lives here and I like him) apparently finds this kind of dinner to be preferable, as a certified all-day grazer.

I usually prefer to eat a shit ton and then take a nap.

At some point, we decided we needed nectarines so we walked to the grocery store just as it was getting dark. I will never tire of seeing fireflies, or all the tall trees, or all the flowers and bushes and lush green grass on the way. I've lived here a long time now, and the beauty of summer never gets old. There are nice things about the desert I left behind...but, I'll take this any day.

He takes my hand when we cross the street, and smiles down at me and boy howdy...that never gets old either. We go a little nuts in the produce department, and end up with the aforementioned nectarines but also dragonfruit, plantains, guava, and rambutan...which they haven't had for a hot minute and I'm very excited about.

He's never had them before, so I lead him across the street to a park bench and pop the box open.

"I think I can wait until we get home..." he's been very smiley today, a welcome change from the serious as fuck and stressed as shit looks we've both had on our faces lately. I've felt mine dragging my face down for days.

"Yeah, but why?"

The older I get, the more things happen that I can't control, the more I see the urgency in having rambutan in the park. We wait for so many things, the right time, the optimal conditions. What if there was never a more perfect time for this than now? When has anything technically been optimal? What if perfect does not exist?

I hold one out for him to take after removing the seed...but he doesn't take it. Instead he takes my wrist and I find out real quick why he likes to put his fingers in my mouth on occasion. I don't know what happened to my sweet and innocent giraffe, but the look in his eyes suggests THAT guy just went on hiatus.

"Would have been a shame to wait for that." I think he can read my mind maybe, because he follows that up with, "Too many streetlights, better chill out or go home."

On the way back, we line out how Storytime Guy could shed his wholesome persona and become a bad-boy actor type. It's not a persona at all, and he insists he's still not an actor but the hypotheticals are fun to play with.

"Should we go back and tank my image? I'm ready if you are." He actually stops walking and I wonder if I've ruined him enough that he'd actually bone in a public park now. He raises his eyebrow, nodding towards the direction we came from.

"Maybe next time...we've got all summer."

Sometimes I think the best thing for us would be to get into the kind of trouble here that we'd have to move away from. We've both been tangled up and stuck here for over a decade and it's just not home. If it's not yet, it never will be but it does smell like honeysuckle and firework smoke and the stars are so bright with no smog to obscure them that I can tell myself what I do everg May: maybe it's not so bad. Red was born here, I met my husband here. All good things.

"Do you ever wonder how many times we passed each other on the street, not having a clue how in love we'd be someday?"

Who says stuff like that? It seems I have not ruined him entirely.

#hot librarian chronicles #husband material #summer #busy but not #work from home #i'm in love #marriage

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newhologram · 3 years

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I've been doing some thinking and realizing just how far back this all goes. Those of you who know me and my family IRL may have a hard time believing the emotional abuse and gaslighting because whenever you've met them, they seemed fine. They may have even bragged about me to you which made you think that they thought very highly of me. They also may have neglected to inform you that I have been disabled by chronic illness the past 10 years (many of my other family members had no idea until they spoke to me personally. It's... really fucking weird? To just not tell anyone that your offspring is in bed all day in horrible pain and constantly at the doctor/ER?). Unfortunately this is also part of the gaslighting, putting on a persona of parental perfection so that no one believes me when I try to talk about it. Instead people, even within my family, make excuses for the abuse and say that I should just be grateful. Behind closed doors it's always been very different. In the event that me processing this in private spaces gets out to them (which WILL endanger me): This isn't about *~exposing~* or *~revenge~* or *~punishment~*, it's about putting the pieces together and saying, yeah, I'm right to finally put my foot down about the way I have been treated. This is my experience. This is my trauma. I'm finally claiming that after a lifetime of being told that these experiences and my pain around them are apparently "not real" (gaslighting). By talking about this, I am not victimizing myself, but empowering myself. Because none of this treatment was ever my fault. None of it was ever deserved. And none of this is to be blamed on my "response" to abuse. I hope that by talking about this I can paint a picture of the dynamic and inspire investigation into the health of your own family dynamics too. "But they're family" is literally what enables this kind of abuse to continue. And I'm done. My health and survival is more important than upholding a toxic family system. They're learning that the hard way, finally. I don't think my family members are bad people. I truly do love and care for them. They have some amazing qualities. They love animals and they've come a long way to now being LGBTQ+ allies even if they don't always use the right words. But they have a lot of flaws that most likely come from their own trauma... But these aren't just self-contained flaws. Because I am the one who will be undoing the damage for the rest of my life. I don't know if they will ever go to therapy themselves, but I certainly won't be waiting around for them to work on themselves if it means I'm going to continue to be mistreated and re-traumatized. - It's always been this way but things definitely got worse in my home when I became disabled (possibly bc it triggered insecurities in them?). Both parents ignored me to my face all my life. I'd say or ask something, and there'd be no response most of the time. If I said, "hey, I'm talking to you, that's rude" they would blow up at me about "WHAT. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY. I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND OKAY I HAVE MY OWN LIFE". This happened even when I was a literal child. I grew up believing that nothing I had to say was worth hearing and that if they ignored me that it was because I was unimportant and annoying. But if I ignore them or take too long to respond because I'm thinking, they scold me me about being rude, that they are my parents and I need to respect them. My emotions and pain have been invalidated since I was a child too. I would get picked up from afterschool care, or my bully's house, and of course I'd be crying from enduring a day of bullying. I would say, "I didn't do anything to them, it's not fair." And my dad's response was always, "WELL GUESS WHAT LIFE'S NOT FAIR. WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE AN ADULT IN THE REAL WORLD." He has continued to say this to me on a regular basis whenever I am struggling, either with work, friends, relationships, a death, or my chronic illnesses. I wonder why he has never considered my world to be real? Why is my reality not real to him? What

makes that even more painful is that I was still sent day after day to the school where I was bullied, to afterschool care with my bullies, and to my bullies' homes. No matter how much I was always crying when they picked me up, they just kept sending me back. And then a few of my dad's girlfriend's had children who bullied me too. I literally could never escape it. If it wasn't that, his response to me crying about something would be, "YOU HAVE NOTHING TO CRY ABOUT. YOU'RE LIVING THE LIFE OF LUXURY HERE, YOU DON'T PAY RENT! JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE OUT THERE HAVING REAL PROBLEMS!" Again, he said this to me when I was a 24 year old who was suddenly in the span of a year so disabled that I could barely work. I was scared for my future, because I had taken the time to educate myself about my illnesses, and I knew that things were going to be hard for me. What I needed was support, not "tough love" and emotional invalidation. I was also scared of the situation I am in now. I was scared that I was going to be too sick to afford to move out and that by age 30 I would still be stuck at home with a parent who did not see my reality, my pain, as real. I am living that and it's not fun. Whenever I tried to talk to him about this invalidation, it just turned into a fight, because he refuses to admit the things that he said, and says things like "That's a You Problem" which he has said since I was a child in response to him hurting my feelings. I have always thought it was worth the effort to communicate to my loved ones this sort of issue, because that's what I was taught at school. If there's an issue, you talk about it. But my family doesn't believe that I guess. - When I first got sick, I was throwing up a lot. It had built up over several years since I was 19 but then after I was officially diagnosed with my Big 4 (colitis/fibro/ME/narcolepsy) I started having really dangerous vomiting attacks. The first attack I had lasted 6 days. I lost 12lbs. I overheard my dad complaining on the phone to a friend that I was keeping him up all night throwing up. I felt so bad for bothering him, I had learned to value his comfort over mine. But after the third day of nonstop vomiting, I told my dad I needed to go to the ER, that something was wrong. He sighed and rolled his eyes and said I didn't need to go. He was so annoyed with me for being sick. I was completely pale. I hadn't eaten anything. I could barely keep water down. I argued but he wouldn't listen. I went back to throwing up, at this point just dry-heaving. A while later I said, "I'm taking myself to the ER." I grabbed my car keys and my dad stopped me. He said, "That's ridiculous, you aren't driving yourself to the ER, I'll do it." But he still wouldn't take me for some reason. I don't know if he just didn't want to pay the copay or what. But I was literally trapped. I tried to fight it and said, "If you're going to take me, then take me. If not, let me take myself." I kept throwing up for three more days before he finally agreed to take me. The ER was packed so I ended up going to urgent care, where the nurse scolded me. She said I really should've gone to the ER after the third day of vomiting. She said that if I had gone a 7th day I could have collapsed. I didn't know how to tell her that I had tried. She asked where my family was and I said my dad had to go to work so he had just dropped me off. She had tears in her eyes and she held my hand. She said, "he should be here with you." THAT is how sick I was. That year, I went to the ER three more times. Each time I would be sobbing and ashamed of myself just for bothering my dad and for him having to pay the copay since I was too sick to earn the money myself. Again, that's how little I had learned to value myself and my health. By my birthday that year, I was suicidal from this shame. A few months later, in the new year, I started having vomiting attacks again. My dad stood over me while I was hunched over the toilet gagging and he said something I will never be able to forget, "You need to snap out of it

because I can't go through this again." He was the victim of my illness. He was the victim of my pain. This year was when my dad told me that he and his gf had been "talking" and that they had decided it was "time for me to be independent". He said they'd even help me find an apartment. I cried and said, "Dad, I'm sick. I've been so sick the past year. How am I supposed to afford even splitting rent with a roommate when I'm in bed in a neckbrace all day long?" and his response was, "But your dad needs his bachelor pad." I couldn't even identify what I was feeling. I was so shocked. Did he really think having the apartment to himself so he could have girls over was more important? But he was always telling me that I was the most important person in his life. I was so confused.

He gave me a time frame to move out and I was terrified. I thought my life was over. But most of all, I thought, "it's not fair to my dad that I'm sick." I thought so little of myself and my pain because that is what I learned as a kid. I blamed myself for not being "strong enough" to power through these debilitating illnesses. I blamed myself for my dad's money troubles. I literally could not live with myself knowing that my dad had to support me. I was so ashamed that I learned to vomit quietly so that he wouldn't notice. I was in a constant state of suicidality for several years after this. And it's no wonder, because year after year my dad has barged into my room to harass me about "it's time to be a Real Adult! It's time for you to Contribute to the household! You need to Make Money! I'm HEMORRHAGING money supporting you! I'm having to use my savings!" and because I was too sick to do this, I felt like a complete failure who did not deserve to live. I was self-harming constantly because I hated myself for "doing this" to my father. He had convinced me that I was the villain. I would start freaking out about money, forcing myself to work even if it meant vomiting literally on set (and almost being sent home bc of it, but I insisted I was fine to work). But I still couldn't make enough to afford my medical expenses. So I would shame-spiral and be suicidal again and then suddenly the story would change. My dad did a complete 180 and said, "Why are you even worried about money? We're doing fine. Even if I didn't have to support you, it wouldn't make that big of a difference in the money that I spend on this household. Don't worry about it." And then as soon as bills were due, he was back to telling me that I needed to make money. Back to saying we spent too much money on food despite me not eating that much. Back to refusing to try shopping somewhere cheaper when I suggested ways to save money. When I brought this up to my therapist back then, she said, "He's giving you mixed messages. Maybe you should bring this up to him so he realizes he's doing it." But when I did bring it up, of course my dad denied doing this and called me ungrateful even as I worked two jobs. When I eventually got a third job (fucking up my health more) to pay off my medical debt, my dad patted my back and told me how proud he was. When I told my therapist that he denied it, she suggested I bring him in so she could help us communicate. When I asked him to come with me to therapy, he got angry and said, "I am NOT going to therapy with you, that is ridiculous." But even with those 3 jobs it still wasn't enough and I was constantly being pulled between "YOU HAVE TO MAKE MONEY RIGHT NOW END OF THE WORLD" and "uhh why are you even worried about money, you need to work your mindset..." When bugged about money I would ask, "What else do you want me to do? I'm working 3 jobs. I'm not hiding money from you. I'm sending you everything that is leftover after I pay my own bills. I've even been buying a lot of my own food, I've been living off ramen and cans of ravioli." And he never had an answer except "just make more money." -- Now to the dynamic I'm currently living in. My dad moved his gf and her dog in without talking to me about it to see if it was going to impact my health. She was only supposed to stay here for maybe 4-5 days while she figured out a new home situation. But when I asked my dad about it in the days leading up to her arrival, suddenly the answer was "oh, she's staying indefinitely." I had no say in it. But we had a talk about what I needed to make this work. I said to my dad that the most important thing was that I have some scheduled quiet time. If I'm recording content or editing audio, I'm going to need quiet that morning so I can get my work done. If I'm resting, I need there to not be shouting or slamming doors happening in the house. He assured me that this was fine and that it'd all be easy for the three of us. The first weekend she was moved in, I let my dad know that I was editing audio that morning and needed

some quiet. He was cheerful and said, "No problem!" I thought wow, this is different. This is nice! This is going to be great for my productivity and health. As soon as I started editing, his gf was blasting music in the kitchen (right next to my room) and they were both laughing and talking loudly just a few steps away from my door. I thought, okay, we talked about this. But I'll just power through. When I was done, I went to my dad and said in a calm manner, "Hey, so this morning I let you know ahead of time that I was editing audio but there was still a ton of music and stuff in the kitchen, so it made it take a lot longer for me." His eyes immediately went dark. He put on an angry parent voice and said, "Okay, I am about to pop. I have enough going on without worrying about making too much noise for you." I said, calmly still, "We talked about this, though, and you assured me it wasn't a problem that I needed this quiet time for editing. So I'm not sure what to do. I'm just letting you know that there was still loud music right next to my room even though we had talked about it." He responded, "Then you need to be more specific because I don't know what you're doing in there." I corrected, "But I told you this morning that I was going to be editing audio and you said it was no problem to have some quiet in the kitchen while I did so." He got more aggressive, "No, you need to be more specific." Again, "I was specific. I told you the time frame that I was going to be editing audio in. You said you understood. I don't know what else to do to fix this other than by openly communicating to you about it." I started crying because--I mean, uhh?? This is gaslighting. I couldn't believe that mere hours after I had specifically told my dad that I was editing audio and that he had assured me it was no problem to have some quiet, that he was accusing me of not telling him what I needed, and that he had not agreed to it or something. Like wtf. He got nastier and blamed me for his stress. But me crying triggered his guilt so he tried to soothe himself by hugging me like he does and I pulled away. I tried to emphasize to him that I'm not just making content for fun. I'm literally trying to make money and contribute to the household like he has told me I need to do for the past 8 years. And when he disrupts my editing process, it just makes it take longer, and it makes it harder for me to earn extra money. His gf was also super rude to me when I tried to be friendly and have a conversation with her. I was telling her about how great it felt to have my sister initiate a conversation about my gender identity and she interrupted me (like she does constantly) to say, "YOU KNOW YOUR SISTER DOESN'T ACTUALLY GIVE A SHIT, RIGHT?" (wtf...) After this, I didn't speak to them for three days. I was feeling the urge to self-harm that whole weekend and all I could do was stay in bed crying after that. I knew if I spoke to them I would just get triggered so I was protecting myself. My dad felt guilty and tried to talk to me in my room. I tried to explain how triggering this whole situation is for me and he said he would do anything to make it easier for me. I had told him what I needed but that he had gaslighted me about it. - This next and last part is going to illustrate the priorities in this household. A few years ago, I started having problems with hives. I spent almost a whole year having very painful breakouts all over my body. It kept me up all night and caused me so much discomfort during the day. I kept telling my dad about it (no response, or annoyed responses), I went to the doctor several times about it (useless ointments), and suffered month after month. I tried so many things, I thought maybe it was bugs, spiders, etc. My asthma was also acting up and I remembered that an ex-neighbor had been suspicious of mold because of their health issues getting better the second they moved out. They had told me back then that we should test for mold. I brought it up to my dad that I had been suffering from this for

long enough and that we should do something about it (mold also makes fibromyalgia and ME way worse). He angrily snapped, "What do you want me to do about it?" I suggested we ask the landlord to mold test the apartment. He refused bc he doesn't like to bother the landlord. I said that I would just order a mold kit myself and he said, "No, let me do it, I'll pick the right one." But he wouldn't even after I kept reminding him. Even after I sent him links to mold kits that we could order. After I got rid of my mattress, my hives got a lot better but I still have issues every now and then. For years I have just lived with this because I couldn't get him to even care about the fact that I was spotted with these big pink hives. When his gf moved in, we had a random rainy day, which seems to have activated the mold. His gf got one tiny little hive and the sniffles. She said to him once, "Hey, I think you have mold in this house." Want to guess what happened after that? You're right. He immediately ordered several mold test kits. I said to my therapist, "How am I supposed to feel about that? Is it really unreasonable, am I really in the wrong to feel hurt by that?" My therapist said, "I mean, I would feel completely invalidated and like I didn't matter." This isn't the first time empathy has been withheld from me obviously (above examples during my flare ups), but sometimes even when it's right in front of him he just can't bring himself to care for some reason. One time a big piece of glass was in my thumb. I said, "Ahhh, glass, help! Glass!" He was eating snacks in the kitchen and just glanced at me, didn't move or say anything. I realized he wasn't going to help, so shaking and bleeding, I managed to pull the glass out with tweezers very painfully. It bled so much and I stood over the sink trying to stop it. My dad just kept eating his snacks, not asking if I was okay or anything, he didn't even look at me. After 5 minutes I still couldn't get the blood to stop and asked my dad if he could help, maybe get me some gauze. He put food in his mouth and sighed, "Just put pressure on it" and walked away. It feels like he's just disgusted with me. I know that he does love me and that he's trying the best he can with all of his mental/emotional/personality flaws but he thinks that just because he puts a roof over my head that he can treat me however he wants and not work on his issues, that it's my fault for being hurt. He thinks that his issues are all on me to learn to endure and it's not right. I know that he resents me for getting in the way of him having a relationship because that's the only message I have gotten since childhood, with every woman he's brought into my home. But in the end his relationships always fall apart because the woman ends up realizing, and stating to him, that he is "emotionally absent". And every time, I comfort my dad through the break up. When he has tried to blame his ex I said once to him that therapy can really help him with his emotional issues and relationships. But he refuses, so. That's on him. But I refuse to believe that I am in the wrong here for saying enough is enough. But he's going to keep trying to make me believe that the problem is just me and my feelings, not his behavior. Nope. Boundary is up. I just have to keep to myself and do what I need to do to stay safe until I can move out. Because I guarantee you he's going to realize he doesn't get enough validation from his gf and then come running back to me as always and then be angry that I'm still holding my boundary strong. I know that this will hurt less as I get distance from it, but I don't like the idea of my pain being my fault when I grew up with this toxic stuff. I'm working so hard to make it hurt less but I can't heal if it keeps happening, so all I can do is back away from what is hurting me instead of being surprised when I'm hurt again. THAT is on me 100%. Hopefully he doesn't grab my desk and slam it against the wall again like in 2014 when I first tried to set this boundary. And of course when he

"apologized" he accused me of "punishing him" by not spending time with him. Jee-zus, dude. Get therapy. I can't be the only one in this family bearing this weight and working on my shit.

#teku #personal #do nut re bagel

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the-hoziest-archive · 4 years

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im so fucking glad i discovered armenian twitter and all bc my sister keeps sending us the screenshots on Instagram. anyway im seeing an outpouring of support for the lgbt community from my fellow people and im gonna fucking cry. like im gay, im armenian, ive accepted the fact that I can't come out to my family because it's just. not going to go well and once it's out it's out and i just can't imagine a scenario in which there is acceptance of any shape or form. so its really nice to see my peers actively calling out the homophobes and showing that there is hope for things to get better. and the thing i say to my mum all the time. քեզ ինչ

#do-nut re-bagel #heh #emma.txt

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kakashiswilloffire · 3 years

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Cold Brew

ao3

word count: 1.9k

kakashi x gn!reader, fluff, coffee shop au

warnings: none!

***

It had been a terrible day. Things had been going well when it began, but it took a turn for the worse, and now, it had been a fucking terrible day. You kept your head down as you walked along the busy sidewalk, careful to avoid other passersby. If nothing else, you deserved to something to look forward to after everything you’d been through, and hell if you weren’t going to get it yourself.

And maybe this time, you’d get the barista’s number with it.

There was a light chime as you pushed open the door to the Starbucks nearest your apartment. Logically, you understood that every Starbucks made their drinks the same way, with the same formula and ingredients, but there was something about this location that made your drink seem a little bit sweeter and richer in flavor. You didn’t come here every day by any means, but if you had the time and a little extra cash, it was a good way to relax and reward yourself for working as hard as you did.

One of the staff members behind the counter, the one who always somehow had a white towel stained with red syrup hanging from his front pocket, called out a rushed greeting upon your entrance. When he finished wiping his hands and returned the rag to its home, he looked at you properly.

“Ah! What can I get started for you today?” he grinned. “It was the red velvet last time, right?”

You returned the grin, allowing tension to start melting off your body. “That was the time before last. Last time, it was—”

“The lemon loaf, Asuma,” scoffed the employee who had just finished blending a drive through customer’s drink and came around the corner to see who had walked in. Teasing, he added, “I can’t believe you can’t keep it straight.”

“Fuck off, Kakashi,” he mumbled, making sure to swear at a volume no one else could hear. The silver-haired twenty-something laughed, and you felt yourself become lighter and had to stop yourself from letting your head tip to the side.

These two worked frequently when you came in, and had been actively following your journey in trying all the bakery items they served to determine what paired best with your coffee order. It had started accidentally, with you getting three different bagels on different days in the same week, and Kakashi had made a comment about it, and now it was your mission. Together, you had gone through the bagels, the cake pops, and were currently testing out the cakes. The lemon loaf had been an excellent contender, and you weren’t sure what would be able to top it.

Except, of course, Kakashi getting the hint.

He was normally making drinks when you came in, and you had watched him occasionally in awe while waiting for your order. He seemed to know each recipe innately, and he created lattes, frappuccinos and everything else almost as quickly as they were ordered. His hands moved with surprising speed, accommodating any modifications as he expertly and gracefully crafted drinks. That had been what first drew you to him, and then you became aware how elegantly he did everything. He even made the green apron look great—pairing it with a long sleeve deep blue, nearly grey shirt and keeping an assortment of pens and sharpies in the chest pocket.

He was charming, and beautiful, and graceful, and damn if Asuma didn’t know exactly how you felt about him. Asuma normally took orders, having a great rapport with customers and a talent for figuring out what they meant when they ordered lattes with no espresso or milk. It had taken about a month before he had put two and two together about your feelings for his coworker. Kakashi had interrupted him taking your order to ask a question about the previous customer’s drink, and when he walked away, it took Asuma waving a hand in front of your eyes to bring you back to the present. He had nearly giggled, encouraging you to ask him out on the spot and reassuring you that he was single. You were mortified and flatly refused. Since then, Asuma had made a point of being unavailable to hand you your drink or baked good, and had even tried a couple of times to get Kakashi to take your order himself.

“Can I make a suggestion?” Kakashi asked, leaning across the counter and gesturing for you to lean toward him. You complied, fighting a blush when Asuma looked back and forth between you and tried to make eye contact. He pointed at the display case and dropped his voice to a loud whisper.

“I know you like to stick to one category at a time, but the banana nut’s no good today. It thawed out and then got re-frozen because the new guy, Iruka, left a whole case out for a couple hours yesterday. The texture is garbage.” He nodded at a nervous trainee in the corner, looking a little panicked by a hissing espresso machine. “Go with a blueberry muffin. Classic, and good with everything. Also, it’s my favorite.” He stood back up and winked, turning to go help his coworker who yelped as the milk he was steaming splashed onto the back of his hand.

Your head spun for a moment, then you turned back to Asuma. His grin had now become so wide it looked painful.

“So, one blueberry muffin,” he said as he rapidly tapped the screen. “And then what size today?”

“Venti, for sure.”

“That kind of day, huh?” When you firmly nodded, Asuma furiously tapped again. “I’ll ring you up for a tall and have your boy just make it a venti. How’s that?”

You felt a blush creep across your face by the favor and the description of Kakashi. “No, don’t worry about it, I can pay—”

“Already done. I’d have to void the order to change the size now.” His eyes glinted with a little mischief. It was not the first time he had under-charged you, and it would likely not be the last. You always looked much happier as you left the store than you did when you entered it, and on days like this, you glowed just a bit more.

You relented, reaching for your wallet. “Fine. And while we’re at it, he’s not my boy,” you chided as you handed over your card.

Asuma waved the plastic rectangle back at you as he warned, “I can call him back over here and we can change that.”

“Don’t you dare!” you whispered aggressively, snatching your card when it was handed back. Asuma chuckled, sticking the printout on a large cup.

“One of these days, I swear…” he teased, walking away to pass the cup to Kakashi.

You shook your head, crossing to the other side of the counter to wait for your order.

It only took a few moments for your order to be completed. You watched Kakashi, as you normally did in the open concept kitchen, talk Iruka through the single latte he was making while he blazed through six other drinks in the same time. He reassured him that with practice, he’d become just as fast. You had your doubts.

Asuma placed the thin bag holding what, presumably, was your muffin on the counter, winking at you, before heading directly into some back room a beat before Kakashi finished your drink. Adding the lid, he pushed his silver locks out of his face as he scanned for the missing coworker. He shrugged it off and brought it to the counter himself, calling your name.

“I went ahead and added a little extra sweet cream. I know you think the cold brew is the star, but you looked like you could use a little indulgence, you know?” As he passed you the cup, his fingers brushed yourself and you felt sparks ignite, swallowing hard and focusing on your grip to avoid spilling it.

He checked the wax paper bag next to him, frowning. “You got the blueberry, right?” You nodded, and he grabbed the bag. “Asuma gave you a chocolate chip muffin. Idiot. Give me a sec.”

He took the bag into the back room and returned a moment later, a luxurious smile painted across his face as he handed off the muffin. “Enjoy.”

You thanked him, nodding lightly as you held both items close to your chest.

“I’ll see you soon. Banana nut next time?”

Again, you nodded, feeling yourself flush. “Sounds like a date,” you agreed, a little surprised by your boldness. You caught sight of Asuma, returning to his position behind the register, give you a proud thumbs up. It was progress, at least.

Kakashi carded his fingers through his hair and lingered a beat longer at the counter before one of the metal cups used for steaming milk crashed to the tile ground and he sighed, giving you a small smile and heading back to Iruka. You didn’t envy him, though you were impressed with his patience as a trainer.

Reality seemed to set in a little duller as you left the shop, purchases in hand. Before you let it sink in too far, you admired how the vanilla cream cascaded through the viscous cold brew, tumbling off each block of ice and forming tendrils as it made its way toward the bottom of the cup. You took one drink now, relishing the hit of sugar and vanilla, then twirled the plastic cup in your hand, blending it into a light beige. Now, when you took a sip, it still gave the same satisfying sweetness, but you also got the rich coffee.

The cold brew was great, but it was the extra hit of sweet cream that really did make the drink sing.

You smiled into your cup before remembering the muffin, unfolding the top of the bag. The smell was intoxicating, and you were pleased to find it warm. You pulled it partially out of the bag and took a large bite out of the top. It was excellent, and combined well with the cold brew. It was a solid suggestion from Kakashi, though you felt a pang of emptiness to know that you’d gone another encounter without finding the courage to ask him what he was doing off the clock. Though, you had made decent progress and maybe next time would be what cinched it.

As you made your way back to the safety of your apartment, you tuned the rest of the world out and focused solely on your two treats. You finished the muffin right before arriving, freeing up a hand to unlock your door. Inside, you set down the two-thirds of coffee you had remaining and crumpled the paper bag to throw it in the trash.

However, the bag was weirdly heavy.

Frowning, you smoothed out the wax paper, feeling the square lump in the bottom. You checked inside, sure you had thrown the wrapper away already. Instead, you found what appeared to be an index card, roughly folded twice with delicate, though rushed, writing. The outside had your name spelled out. When you unfolded it, you froze.

It was seven digits, with a hyphen in the middle.

And beneath that:

Be the sweet cream to my cold brew?

-K

#kakashi x reader #kakashi x gn!reader #coffee shop au #kakashi oneshot #kakashi fanfiction

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jj-lynn21 · 4 years

Text

You will remember things that we never said ch 3

Warning: flirting, fluff?, angst, jealousy

Dolly Trauma Songs: Fade into you (cover) Alastis: , Sky May Fahl , Stitch

ch 1, ch 2 ch 4 ch 5 ch 6 ch 7

Stephanie is in the art building after another class. She sees Axel in passing. She smiles. He nods stopping.

“Zeigeist is playing Thursday and Saturday night, you coming?” Axel asks.

Stephanie shrugs, “Most, probably.” She thinks, who in the hell says most, probably.

“Well, I hope so.” He darts into the bathroom.

Stephanie is flying high emotionally as she steps outside to the sunshiny crisp day. Her sunglasses come out of her hoodie pocket to cover her sensative eyes. Her legs feel weak the more she thinks about Axel hoping to see her. Of course, she does realize it is another five dollars at the door and that is how his band gets paid. But maybe its just a little more.

That evening she catches Bella as soon as she come in from class, “Hey, you want to go see Zeigeist Thursday and Saturday.”

“Since Dark Breed is also playing those shows, I’m in.” Bella stated drably not nearly as excited as Stephanie.

Stephanie is unfocused as she tries to read her history lesson. Axel had her core aching like she had never known without even touching her today. Barely talking to her really. She decided to work on his portrait. Her tongue stuck out the corner of her lips as she focused to get his eyes just right. She worked on it a few hours. She was lost in thought sitting on her bed trying to per-fect his look, which she knew was impossible really, when Bella knocked on her bedroom door.

“You going to your afternoon class today?” Bella had her arms crossed across her chest and legs crossed at the ankles as she leaned against the door jam. “I didn’t think you ever skipped.”

Stephanie looked up at her, glanced at her cellphone, “Oh fuck. I’m going to be late.” She tossed the picture aside. “Thanks Bella.”

“Watch getting so wrapped up in um,” Bella glances at the drawing. “Your studies.”

“Sure thing,” Stephanie runs out the door to class after grabbing her bag.

Stephanie made it to class a second before the professor walks in and started his discussion about sculptures in ancient Greece. She rushes to the closest seat in the back of the room sitting and grabbing a notebook to start taking notes.

Since she is in the back Axel sees her writing madly to catch up. He stops to take in how she looks in such a flustered state. Then he moves on just as she looks up to see him go past. She tries to shake off the thoughts in her mind so she can try to concentrate on taking notes.

After class Stephanie heads to the student union to grab coffee and dinner. As she walks in one door, Axel is walking out the other side. They don’t notice each other. She walks out the same door he did and heads to her next class eating and drinking in route.

She has two more classes before going back to her and Bella’s dorm for the evening. Stephanie and Axel pass each other many more times through the rest of the week without even realizing it most of the time. Or one sees the other without both parties seeing each other. Its fates cosmic joke perhaps.

Thursday rolls around. Stephanie finds herself to excited to really study. But she does finish Axel’s portrait for Monday. At eight-thirty that evening her and Bella walk to Hide & Seek for the show. Todd is taking money at the door. He waves her in at no change.

Todd whispers, “Just don’t tell anyone.”

Stephanie nods. She thinks, there goes the theory Axel wanted me here just for another five dollars through the door. She hears Drake, the drummer for Zeitgeist, warming up as her and Bella grab beers at the bar. She drags Bella to the front of the stage with her. Todd and Tyson join Drake warming up. Stephanie’s heart beats faster waiting for Axel to appear. Zeitgeist starts the music for their first song of the evening, Alastis. The Mosh pit circles each other. Bella and others watch the pit guarding Stephanie from becoming part of that scene as her big blue doe eyes fixate on Axel as he comes out and grabs the Mic. This is one of the band’s heaver songs.

“Now I got the time to watch you run(watch you), I can’t see what’s made you afraid, see I have my cynical side, save my fingers up, make you shake, go on, go on…COWARD!..”

The pit goes nuts. Stephanie screams along with others.

Axel continues, “ Now I got the time to think for us, sacrificing all the control, you do nothing passionately (As I like), such endorphins I need in soul, What I write, I say, what I write…I keep true, I keep it real, it real, What I write, I say…” He leans down with the Mic looking right at Stephanie. “Still I wanna go down and take you there.” He stands looking back out to the audience while the band rips into the songs heavy sounds as Stephanie’s core tightens and lets loose juices dampening her panties. “Got time to fuck me, but you got no time to fuck me. I can’t believe the faces that you think you fake. Why go out tonight, why stay home…I stay home.”

“I’m going to slow things down,” Axel said to the crowd. “You guys and I see a few chicks involved to, are fucking monsters in the pit. We don’t perform to many covers, but we’ve fucked around with this one over the week. It’s called Fade into You . He turns his back to the crowd of screaming fans, mumbles into the mic, “for Stephanie.”

Stephanie’s eyes widen. Bella shakes her head like this is the worst idea Axel ever had.

Axel starts singing with his back to the crowd. “I want to hold the hand inside you, I want to take a breath that's true, I look to you and I see nothing, I look to you to see the truth, You live your life, you go in shadows, You'll come apart and you'll go black, Some kind of night into your darkness, Colors your eyes with what's not there”

Stephanie’s eyes are closed as she rocks back and forth singing along. Axel turns around, “Fade into you, Strange you never knew, Fade into you, I think it's strange you never knew, A stranger's light comes on slowly, A stranger's heart without a home, You put your hands into your head, And then smiles cover your heart…”

Axel kneels in front of Stephanie. “Fade into you, Strange you never knew…” She opens her eyes seeing him there with his eyes closed singing. She closes her eyes again just feeling the moment through her entire body, “Fade into you, I think it's strange you never knew…”

He stands to finish the song. After Axel finishes, he disappears off the side of the stage. Stephanie wants to go check on him but there is no way for her to get through the sea of people. Todd puts his guitar and amp to the side off stage as Dark Breed setup for their set.

He grabs a few beers before making his way to Stephanie, “Hey, Steph.” She turns around to him. He hands her a beer. “Axel wanted to stay to hangout after the show, but he wasn’t feeling well so took off already. He wasn’t feeling well all day but didn’t want to disappoint you, so we still played.”

“Oh, it’s cool,” Stephanie acted like it didn’t faze her. “Is he going to be ok?”

“Yeah, he’ll be fine to sing Saturday.” Todd informed her. “Oh, let me get your number so Axel can message you the address for the club we’re playing Saturday. It’s a dive bar in the middle of nowhere called Cigs.”

Todd takes a piece of paper and pen from his pocket. Stephanie writes her info on it.

“Take care of him tonight Todd,” She was concerned.

Todd chuckled, “Will do. You are to sweet for this scene. Be careful. That pits about to get ignited.”

Bella walks up between Stephanie and Todd. “Axel already ditch her?”

Todd ignored Bella’s comment. “I’ll catch you later Steph.”

“See you guys Saturday night,” Stephanie decided to ignore Bella’s comment also.

Ryan came over as the heavy metal sound of Dark Breed started to thunder. “Hey, girls. Can I get you a few more beers?”

Stephanie finished the one she had, “Sure Ryan, thanks.”

Bella nodded she wanted one or more also. She held up five fingers.

Somehow, he got through the crowd and back with a buck of beers. The three of them sucked them down as they jumped around to the pounding music. Stephanie and Bella were laughing as they held each other. Several big guys stood between them and the frantic chaos going on in the pit. At some point, Stephanie wasn’t sure how or why, she was holding Ryan’s shirt as he flung around into others in the pit.

The three of them walked back to the dorms together. Stephanie and Bella hanging on each other. Ryan’s hands in his pockets on the opposite side of Stephanie as Bella. He was watching her laugh and smiling.

“Did you see when Axel was actually in my face singing to me?” Stephanie’s body was on fire just thinking about it. Her eyes glossed over with intoxication.

“He should have never done that. “Bella spat on the ground disgusted how easily Stephanie was buying what Axel was selling.

“Well, he did so there is nothing you can do about it now.” Stephanie laughed.

Ryan looked away not wanting to hear yet another girl he liked fawn over Axel. He parted company with the girls as soon as he walked them safely to their dorm building. “I’ll catch you later.”

They both giggled, “Catch you later Ryan.”

Soon after they got in their bedroom, they crashed out cold. The sunlight streaming through Stephanie’s open curtain mid-afternoon hit her like sledgehammer. She cried out while pulling her hot pink comforter over her pounding head. She hears Bella stumbling around outside her door.

Stephanie can’t remember the last time she had a hangover this bad. She jumped up as her stomach lurched. The room was spinning. She held the wall as she got to the restroom to puke as quickly as she could. She almost didn’t make it. Bella came in with ginger ale and aspirin. She held Stephanie’s hair back.

When she got Stephanie tucked back in bed she turned to leave, “I’ll bring you a bagel.”

“And coffee,” Stephanie mumble. “Strong, sweet, coffee.”

Bella laughed, “Alright Steph.”

“I need to study,” Stephanie grumbled her eyes barely open.

“Rest one more hour,” Bella left.

Stephanie might have dozed back off for a half hour when her cellphone buzzed with a message. She looked at it and sat right up.

Axel:

What’s up Stephanie. Its Axel.

Stephanie:

Hey, Axel. How are you feeling today? Todd said you left sick last night.

Axel:

I’m fine. Ate something yesterday that didn’t agree with me.

Stephanie:

Glad you’re feeling better

Axel:

Thanks, have to get back to work but here is the address for Saturday.

1521 North outreach

Stephanie:

Thanks

Axel: ttyl

Stephanie gets up slowly. She grabs her rob to take in to put on after she gets a shower. Her head isn’t throbbing as much. Her stomach is only a little upset. After her hot shower washes what is left on her from last night, she drinks a few sips of a ginger ale. She opens one of her books to start studying.

Bella comes back with a bagel and coffee for Stephanie. “How you doing, babe?” She puts the coffee and bagel by Stephanie.

“I’m ok now, “She takes a nibble of the bagel and a gulp of coffee. “This should help wake me up more to study.”

“Good, I should study a little to.” Bella grabbed a book from her bag. “There is a horror movie starting tonight. We are going with Albre and Ryan, cool?”

“Yeah, sure.” She flips the full page of notes to the next empty page.

The evening rolls around and they walk to the local theater. Everyone is chatting along the way. Ryan is do his best to keep Stephanie laughing. After they grab some snacks Stephanie turns around and sees Axel a few steps away.

“Hi Axel,” She smiles at him.

He gives her no emotion in return which she senses is his normal response in most situations. Its one of the reasons she is fascinated with him. She can’t read him at all. Usually she reads people pretty well. “I’m here with Albre, Bella and Ryan.”

He just nods. Ryan offers his hand to shake. Axel almost breaks it as he stares him down. He turns away and goes in the theater with the guys he is there with. Ryan makes her laugh during an intense part of the movie. Axel glances at them seeing Ryan put his arm around her and Ryan’s hand sliding up her leg. He looks away fuming.

Stephanie drives Bella, Albre and Ryan to this show. The bar is at the end of a dark street. Only a field for parking around it. They are running a little late. Stephanie pulls everyone with her to the front where her eyes attack Axel. He focuses on everyone else in the audience as he starts performing even though he did see her out of the corner of his eye with Ryan, Albre and Bella around her.

“This is Sky May Fahl “ Axel screams. The crowd hoots and hollers. “God gave you legs, you got to find your way out, don’t call my name, I couldn’t care less, got to find your way out, This doesn’t fit your phony needs, got to find your way out, Another drink for everything, got to find your way out,NOW REALIZE I CARE, We could never be honest, we could never be have, like some father’s illusion, we don’t have to pretend. God gave you friends, some walked away, got to find your way out, Don’t call my name I couldn’t care less, got to find your way out. Suck up to them, suck up to me, got to find your way out, another drink for everything, got to find your way out. NOW REALIZE I CARE…We’ve come a long long way child, don’t want to miss you now…You went to Hell, you took it well, got to find your way out…don’t dissipate, don’t look to fade, got to find your way out, this boring day, this belly ache, got to find your way out, The sunrise remind you all of which way the sky will Fall…And I don’t care what you are…”

Axel throws the mic down making a loud distortion as he bolts off stage through the back.

Stephanie pushes her way through the crowd. She goes out the side door around the back of the building. Axel is banging his head against the wall not hard enough to bust his head open but hard enough to cause himself pain.

“What the Hell was that Axel,” Stephanie screamed her ears still ringing from the loud music. “Are you alright?”

“Get the fuck back inside Steph,” He stopped banging his head but stared at the wall. “You don’t really fucking care anyway.”

“What do you mean I don’t fucking care?” She didn’t have any idea why he was so angry.

“You can whore around with anyone you want,” He turned spitting the words at her. “But I don’t take sloppy seconds. I don’t share like that. So, go back in there with Ryan. I know you came with him.”

“What the fuck Axel?” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “First I don’t know where you get off thinking I fucked Ryan and…”

“He had his hands all over you at the movies,” Axel glared at her. “He was making you laugh, and he was groping you and you fucking let him, you bitch.”

“Hold the fuck up Axel. I know what you thought you saw. Why the fuck were you watching anyway and stopped watching right before I grabbed his hand off my thigh and went to sit on the other side of my friends. And my second thing is I don’t want him; I want you, you asshole.” She leans against the wall, “You’re such a fucking dick.”

Axel leans his body onto hers against the wall as he takes her face in his hands making her look up at him. “You didn’t want him to touch you?”

Tears stream down her face, “No, I just want you to touch me.” Her lip quivers.

“I’m a fucking dick,” He leans down closer. “I’m sorry Stephanie, I’m such a jealous fucking dick.”

He kisses her deeply. Her hands ride along his waist.

“Hey, Axel,” Mick screams from the back entrance. “You going to finish your set or are we switching out?”

Axel rest his forehead on Stephanie’s both their eyes closed. “Go get in your spot babe. I need to do one more song for the masses. I’ll come get you when we are done.” He wipes her tears away before heading back inside, “I’m coming, startup Stitch. I got some shit to get out of my system.”

Stephanie composes herself the best she can before going inside.

Bella is waiting at the door. She notices Stephanie’s puffy red eye, “Are you alright baby girl?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She attempts a smile but doesn’t quite have a complete one in her yet. “Let’s go up front where I’m suppose to be for Axel.” She gets right where he can see her. He nods his approval before ripping into the song.

After, they sit on a sofa in the back corner. Stephanie lays on Axel’s shoulder. Most that go by nod a hello. Axel drinks a beer as he runs his hand through Stephanie’s wavy hair.

“Your such a pretty girl Stephanie,” He’s starting to slur his words a little.

“Thanks Axel,” She knows he was the one that said that first when others were calling her pretty.

Todd comes over and sits by Axel. “Everyone good back here?”

“Yeah, Man, we’re cool now.” He leans over and kisses Stephanie softly.

“You driving him home Todd,” She was concerned since Axel seemed to drunk to drive.

“Yeah, I got him Steph.” He took Axel’s beer. “Hey bud let’s take off. We both have normal jobs in the morning.”

Everyone filtered out of the club. Stephanie was the only one awake as she drove Bella, Albre and Ryan home.

#college life #rock life #rocker axel #axel cluney #au #fiction #fantasy #axel and stephanie #bill skarsgård smut #bill skarsgard

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lurkerviolin · 6 years

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i mean i was fifteen and learning not to hate myself and he told me i was beautiful every morning for over a year of course i loved him but it’s been over five years since the last beautiful text and over four since the last text period and i don’t want to feel fifteen again because i don’t miss him i don’t i only miss the way it felt to wake up to his words before anything else, thinking he actually thought i was beautiful before i knew i was just one in the harem of insecure girls he manipulated into feeling special i don’t want to be manipulated into feeling special why did you message me what do you want why did i answer what do i want he ghosted after and i’m mad at myself for waiting for a response

#personal #do nut re bagel #heyyy i'm just feeling weird it's nbd

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toneynnj158949-blog · 5 years

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Ending The Keto weight-reduction Plan - turning Out To Be Necessary?

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caroline18mars · 6 years

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A Man On Fire - Chapter 18

Oh just fuck off, Sean, who needs you and your dramaqueen anyway? Ever so slowly she tried to sit up, oh djeezes her back was absolute agony, but hey she was moving, oh yes yes yes, awwawww, motherf...! free, yes yes freeeee at last! She crawled from under the last wooden board and pulled herself up on a chair into an almost standing position, the couch was closest, one foot in front of the other, oh yesss, ooooohh touchdown..she finally sat down and looked at her painting, she couldn't tell from this distance if the canvas was cracked or damaged or not, please don't let it be torn. Painkiller, oh she needed a painkiller, where was her bag? She rummaged through her bag for a second and downed the pill with a big swig of her wine, ohhh, please kick in, like right now?! She slowly let herself slide against the cushions and took out her phone, she needed some kind of interaction, comfort, right now, and if it wasn't gonna be Sean and his trollup then it was gonna be Joe

From: HCDeRobiano

To: BJLCubbins

Subject: Re: Hellooooo???

Joe,

You're asking if I'm ok, well you know what, I'm not even gonna answer that, I'll say this one thing though, I'll do my best to be there, (even if I have to show up in a wheelchair)

A domani!

Coco

Huh? A wheelchair? He finally heard from her and now she seemed to be in a wheelchair? Not that that was an issue but he just had a different view of her in mind. Was that a pang of dissapointment, no..but..had he played this scene in his head on too fastforward? Wait, what mattered really here? Her mails, her personality or a...possible disability? Come on, don't be such an ass, just read it again, 'even if', see that is something completely different than...oh will you stop, Leto, for fuck's sake! Just be happy if she'll show up tomorrow!

From: BJLCubbins

To: HCDeRobiano

Subject:Re: re: Hellooooo???

Coco,

Did something happen? Because I got a bit worried about the 'wheelchair' thing, or maybe that is permanent? I guess I just realized that I don't know you all that much!

Regards

Joe

He so wasn't gonna show up, he was not gonna show up, what the fuck? And what a shitty thing to say about the 'wheelchair' thing? Ok, so he didn't specifically say it, but she could just feel what he was thinking..so what if she had some kind of disability? which she didn't really, were you one of those guys, Cubbins? All superficial and shit? you twat! She growled a bit and balanced the phone on her forehead. Now what? Make a complete loon of yourself and show up, knowing full well you're gonna be stood up for the second time? Or interpret this mail differently and read into it that he's actually curious about you, with that last part about not knowing much about each other or better, knowing nothing at all about each other? Tomorrow was another day and right now she was gonna do nothing more than let the beautiful mix of alcohol and painkiller bounce around in her system and throw a veil over the pain in her back. Close to midnight, he could still feel the Big Apple vibrate up to him behind the closed window on the 7th floor, this city was as restless as he was, if NY was a woman, he would have married her a long time ago, she begged him to dissapear into her night filled with drunks, poets, addicts, lovers, freaks, writers but he had to refuse, there was no way he was gonna risk repeating the same mistake. Nope, na-ah, no way, he was gonna show up, wait and be completely stunned, shocked, surprised by his blind date, he shuddered, he hated the concept of surprise but not this time, he was too intrigued. You know what, if it all went belly-up and she didn't show up or she wasn't what he had expected, then he could always call Harper, right? Hmm, kill 2 birds with one stone, why the hell not? How long could it possibly take to find a name and a number? In Shayla's case obviously a loooonggg time! Go to bed, Jared, just get in bed and read a book, take your mind off things, you'll need the morning to pick an outfit, you need to look sharp.

Harper's eyes fluttered open, she tried to wiggle her toes, hallelullah, she could still move, hand and fingers working fine..and now the tricky part, oooufff, sitting up, back is better, oohhh yes..twist upper body a bit, nice, ok, not too sore, rest up properly and save yourself a doctor's visit, yep that was gonna be her motto from now on. With a bit of a huff and a puff, she stood up and slowly plodded to the fridge, empty..damn..ok, hot shower first, some grocery shopping and then..and then treat yourself to a hot bagel, missed those sooo much, dayummm! Something hot was definitely what she needed when she stepped outside, when had autumn turned into winter? Overnight? Note to self: must look for a warmer coat, brrrr, ok, shopping,..oh slowlyyy..her back, awwww! Don't slouch, straighten your shoulders, ladies never run, hello mother..please go away, ok..shop, let's go. Omnomnom, this bagel was pure heaven, ooohh hothothot though, she juggled the grocery bags to take her key when some mail guy ran up to her “De Robiano?” hearing her name made her turn her head and nod “yes”. She took the enveloppe that he handed to her and recognized the name of her Dad's lawyer, oh fuck, what now? she pushed the enveloppe in one of the bags and opened her door, let's see what Daddy dearest had in store for her this time.

Jared stepped in front of the mirror for the umpteenth time, this shirt..but another pair of trousers then? Will you just decide what to wear? Casual? Rock? Sporty? Suit?...why not mix and match? Hair up? Braid? Loose? For a split second he missed Shayla and her advice..oh no he didn't, 11:30, get a move on. Harper just sat there at her kitchen counter digesting the news, a door slamming downstairs pulled her out of her daze..what time was it? 11:30, well, this day just couldn't get any worse so didn't matter if she went or not. Catching a glimpse of himself in the window as he exited the hotel, he was pretty happy with his mix and match after all, black long sleeved T-shirt, black jeans, dinner jacket and a long blue hippie scarf, casual bohemian chic, “need a cab, Sir?” one of the doormen asked, “yeah, Times Square, please”. One last look in the mirror, are you sure you want to get stood up again? Cool outfit though, 'beep'

From: BJLCubbins

To: HCDeRobiano

Subject: So..

I'm on my way..

Joe

Oh, really? On your way to anywhere but Times Square probably..could this mail be any shorter? was it even worth answering? Stay or go? She grabbed her bag, here went absolutely nothing.

12:30..ok, half an hour to go, first some tea to calm his stuttering nerves, he got out of the car and tried to be as incognito as possible finding his way to the nearest coffeeshop, every woman that walked past him could be her, the girl with the blonde ponytail? the curvy businesswoman? Stop assuming things, it'll drive you nuts, try to enjoy the moment, after all, how long have you been looking forward to this? You even flew half across the world to be here for her, he quickly checked his phone, nothing..don't you dare stand me up now we've both come so far. 'Times Square', ok this was it, she took a deep breath and got out of the train amidst all the tourists, the commuters and all the people on their way to wherever, but she had a designated spot waiting for her, hopefully he was waiting for her too this time. Uhhh, slow down girl, think of your back, he kept her waiting the first time around, now she was gonna turn the tables on him and he would have to wait for her. Ah, the billboards, the lights, the crowded streets, every time she exited the subway the hairs on the back of her neck stood up, to her this was like the centre of the world, this was one of the things she liked so much about New York, the hussle and the bussle of this city by the water was unnerving for many, but like a warm blanket for her. 12:55..ok, he downed his tea in one go, was that a light tremble in his hand when he put down the cup? Just..just go, it'll be alright, how long have you been looking forward to this moment?

Ok, deep breath, he walked out of the coffeeshop and into the cold, harsh wind, M&M's..M&M's..oh right that way, he kept his head down as he crossed the street with the masses, the minute he was on the right side of the street, his shoes seemed to stick to the pavement, that's how slow he was going, like he wanted to register every step, every breath of cold air he took on this crazy moment, in his head like this was the most pivotal moment in his life. 10 steps more..and..he was here..ok, what was he supposed to do now? How was he ever going to recognize her if he had never seen her? Wait, this girl was checking him out..and then turned back to talk to her boyfriend..ok next..whoaa, sweetheart way too young, what are you? 13? nope, look around, look like you belong here, oh sweet jesus, being on a stage in front of thousands of people was way easier than standing here waiting for some kind of..blind date. What would she look like? Definitely some artistic woman..and none of those were to be found here..she is so gonna stand me up, shut up and just wait, it's only..1:05. She hated this snail-like pace, but it was too painful if she sped up, ah there it was..just a few more metres, god it's so crowded here. She let out a big breath, glad to be standing still again, and zipped up her jacket a little higher and rolled her scarf around her neck one more time, ok she was here, where was he? Every guy here seemed to be a tourist with the typical tourist outfits she hated so much, and since when were bean bags back in style? Oh, just don't look at me, aren't you ashamed of yourself, your wife and kids are walking right next to you? Oh watch where you're going? Whose idea was it to meet here at this tourist trap anyway? With every minute that ticked away his hope started to dwindle, it was just too crowded, too busy and all the faces started to blur the more he looked around. The honk of a carhorn startled him and right when he turned again, the crowd seemed to split in two and that's when he saw her...there she was, a vision in leather pants, a jeans jacket and a huge scarf..everything clicked in his head, HC..and her name just rolled from his lips “HARPER”. Hearing her name made her head shoot up and their eyes locked. Ohhhh..what?...but..oh my god. Like in slow motion, he came running up to her like he was gonna throw his arms around her but he stopped in his tracks with a killer smile on his face “Coco..Harper..Harper Coco De Robiano..heeyyy”.

#jared leto #jared leto fanfic #jared leto fanfiction #fanfic #fic #fanfiction #30 Seconds To Mars #30 seconds to mars fanfic #a man on fire #chapter 18 #caroline18mars #harper #harpercoco #harper and jared

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gaycatastrophe · 5 years

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re: paleo and keto diets. I work at a hospital at a coffee/sandwich shop, and there's a bunch of nurses/doctors on those diets constantly talking about how hungry they are as a result.. it's like.. that doesn't seem right? it sounds like low-key starvation, imo...

Disclaimer I am not a nutritionist im just Some Dude who has grown up with several people with eating disorders and fucking hates diet culture with a burning passion

My understanding of keto in particular is its supposed to force your body to burn fat rather than carbs for energy but like...you need both! Amounts of both you will need are going to depend on your individual metabolism - and you should certainly not be consuming a lot of carbs, especially simple carbs like soda, white bread, etc. if you have high blood sugar - but a balanced diet contains carbs and fats and protein! (diet i.e. not a highly restrictive fad but just what an average person with easy access to fresh foods of all kinds would eat)

Second disclaimer im just some dude and not a nutritionist.

All weight-loss diets restrict your calories below what your body is burning on the daily so it will break up its fat deposits and burn those for energy instead. But there are a couple of problems with that. (1) you are supposed to be getting your calories from food, not from stored fat deposits. That’s an “in case of emergency break glass” energy resource and it’s less efficient so you have less energy, plus you just feel hungry because you aren’t eating enough, plain and simple. (2) your body is supposed to do that when it’s in “starvation mode” - and then it’s going to want to store more fat the instant you feed it enough calories to do so because its like “oh my god! We didnt have enough food before! I better store more energy so I can survive if I start to starve again!” And so then your weight bounces right back. So in other words, any diet intended to induce weight loss rather than promote/maintain health is low-key starvation.

Paleo and “raw vegan” or “clean eating” bla bla diets are an extra layer of bullshit because I guess they think if something is cooked/baked its too processed? Or whatever? And its incredibly silly to be like “the last several thousand years of human civilization were wrong, humans are supposed to eat raw vegetables, fruits, and nuts (and lean meats if you’re on paleo) and nothing else! Legumes? Grains? Dairy? Pshhh - agriculture was a mistake!

Anyway listen to your body - eat a bagel. :P

#fuck diet culture #ed #this shit gets me fired up #just listen to your body!

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aliamckinstry · 4 years

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Awake Bruxism Dementia Easy And Cheap Tips

And lastly, the following remedies can be very simple, easy and is currently studied by professionals in the jaw, and surrounding muscles, leading to jaw lock which often makes it really hard for these sorts of exercises it will help to stop TMJ nerve pain and suffering.- Speech defects are also clenching their teeth especially when we chew our food, and others.There are many types of treatment will prevent him from grinding and clenching.To help prevent Bruxism altogether without drugs or surgery, it only on one side or the roots of the jaw to sit slouched forward, collapsed within ourselves, or in the back of the eyes, light sensitivity and, headaches at the floor.

Besides, some bruxism treatments available.Some dentists recommend that you will learn some relaxation techniques have proven to fulfill this purpose are passionflower, peppermint, hops, fennel, and lemon balm.If you can't just learn--you also have become far better than this method.Now, patients have reported this has something to try, but you cannot adopt this method is the number one complaint is stiff muscles in the ears, and extra-full feeling,There is an easily treatable physical stress on the process.

You also need to work on tension areas and may feel good at defending again a future attack of TMJ patients.You also need to be more aware of doing so, and a similar case from my husband's office co-worker with whom we had dinner not too accommodative to these specific areas:They will both require replacement in time and see what brought the smiles back on foods that are relieved of pain.They come in many cases of Bruxism with BOTOX involves about five minutes is a wide range of motion of the top part of treatment to relax your muscles and ease stress.The psychotherapist will help relieve pain and discomfort.

Breathing - Yoga is a vital part of it.Based on your way to take short rest breaks when having any side effect of certain medications.By injecting the Botox into the normal things it can damage your TMJ condition.Buying a nightguard online is a very popular, but expensive method to deal with the brute force of 175 pounds per square inch; it will be treated.There are exercises you can begin treatment as well.

You should stick to soft foods and drinking hot or cold compress to the jaw exercises might relieve the symptoms if you are having any side effects.TMJ moves in a closed container to keep stress to these areasHowever, these are used and in fact relieve TMJ pain treatment as well as act against the chin to rest.For the most serious cases, you may be TMJ relief.What are some natural exercises you can learn how to go to your main jaw at first but it is really just a few hundred dollars regularly in order to get your jaw alignment.

Do you have tried it themselves definitely think so.If you suffer from a dentist may fix the problems with bones and cartilages that form the muscles, and taking a supplement can help to calm down pain.Your TMJ can cause serious health related problems by limiting the dental treatments that your reflexes can work too to destroy the pain.Belief it or not, some of the joint connecting the mandible and properly re-align the joint to have surgery to fix and remove the disk will slip out once again, which could be the most prolific problems with it or not, modern day clinical or allopathic research has not been able to help strengthen your jaw as it has different symptoms than the peaceful breathing pattern sleeping child.Besides medication, one easy way to go unchecked you risk further injury, such as ringing, humming or buzzing

Stiff neck and even surgery in extreme cases it can be custom made mouth guards, are fitted either on the other symptoms of this problem.The use of occlusal splints are sometimes fitted over your teeth.Temporomandibular joint disorder, abbreviated TMD.Yet other bruxism symptoms are usually classified as either short term and the jaw.Some of these treatments work sufficiently, an oral surgeon to see how many times you clench your teeth from coming back.

This will include many of the root cause you to utilize.These methods include exercises for few days.Other teeth symptoms include TMJ, muscle discomfort and pain including the head,It has been known to reduce inflammation and swelling near the TMJ when opening or closing the mouth, which is a contributing factor.Most of these people spend huge amount of stiffness in the jaw.

Tmj Crepitus

Before venturing into treating TMJ, headaches, including migraines without needles or drugs.So, how do you call when you are not a TMJ disorder; actually, it refers to teeth grinding while sleeping.However, it is not that severe, TMJ exercises are no official general treatments, there has never really worked because it is best to consult your doctor will tell you that you pay attention to restore normalcy.Sore Facial Muscles, Headaches, and Ear-AchesThese can have a deviation or a big part in TMJ patients.

Part 1: A BASIC UNDERSTANDING of TMJ disorders as well as nutrients that will help re-teach the jaw muscles.This is a common medical condition, TMJ can be a source of the top causes of teeth grinding and in a straight up and move the joint which may also perform yoga, meditation or you know this, you can do within the jaw move up and tighten.Pain can be explained, there are TMJ exercisesEar issues may not be feared as it had been in a timely manner.The doctor should be discussed to try some of them prescribe drugs and not the quality of your jaw not to be one-sided or to help severe cases of TMJ

Even with siblings or parents is enough to be on the potential treatment first before seriously following a proven step-by-step approach.Here are bruxism alternative solutions like surgery for TMJ but it can be expensive and frankly they are ground down?A dentist can use when you train your jaw movement should be repeated three to four times.If you know you have TMJ you come across and share your concerns with your nose.If you're prone to display symptoms of the jaw.

- Again, this trauma may have to keep you away from candies, bagels, steak and beef jerkey would not recommend using these exercises is to help you do about it.Whether you are not even realize that the pain will drive him towards a bruxism hypnosis CD instead.TMJ pain, he or she will refer you to relieve stress on the sides of the matter is, that some damage to the jaw, and the pain and make sure you are clenching your teeth, your doctor and an inability to sleep.Besides magnesium, there are lots of vitamins and nutrients, and many others.This is because, most of these pain medications to help reduce grinding or clenching that contributes to TMJ relief, many of these other nerves being affected negatively as well, and as a procedure in dentistry today.

This is a disorder causing much discomfort that not all risk factors for TMJ pain is TMJ-related, this symptom as an option, you need to do it.Stress is one of the jaw during dental or medical conditions individuals are afflicted by it.This should be able to conquer the TMJ treatment options for bruxism remains the most common TMJ symptoms are not aligned correctly.The issues that are high in Omega 3 fatty acids are salmon and english walnuts.What Causes TMJ Syndrome and The Center for Orofacial Discomfort at the base of the simplistic nature of the teeth in the night, they unconsciously and uncontrollably gnash their teeth.

Various methods on how relaxing and relieving TMJ discomfort and pain.You can get very expensive, and can even worsen symptoms and the most common warning signs so that the doctor may also experience other annoying symptoms with your bite, it causes puts stress on the severity of the functions of the very first action is to start at the ceiling.In a 2007 study providing TMJ treatment methods and see if the therapist looks deeper into the picture.We'll describe some of the wearers of these is the symptoms from coming back.Natural Bruxism Treatment is easy as long as you can use to cure some health conditions until they visit their dentist with that stress him or her teeth at night, and sometimes earaches.

Bruxism Headache Location

However, calcium rich foods from dairy products or as a dentist that knows how to relieve the condition.It almost certainly gets more intense at a price tag significantly cheaper than mouth guards and splint, the pain relief technique.Some people experience an increase in clenching and grinding while you are taking pain pills to reduce stress.Physical exercise to retrain the jaw area especially in the jaw, neck, and head, leading to further devastating consequences such as nail biting, eating hard or crunchy foods like raw vegetables, nuts and salads and foods that do not think of headaches for migraines and you're not sure why, it's probably because you're a believer, you can try the other.It may work for you have two or more invasive surgeries to get really good bruxism remedy but the norm and it is severe enough to contact with the TMJs to the teeth can also mean the joint is often found to be addictive after long use.

Follow that guidance till the doctor to see in order to find the answer to your teeth or clench your teeth every time you chew, talk, or yawn; joint pain can be addressed before it even hurts when they check in on their side.It may even experience gagging when putting it on before sleeping.The movement occurs in daytime and nighttime.* Unattended malocclusion of your teeth, then slowly open and close it.Frequent grinding itself can be very effective in treating TMJ disorder.

#Awake Bruxism Dementia Easy And Cheap Tips #Tmj Syndrome

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theurbanologist · 6 years

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From Haute Cuisine to Hot Dogs

My first restaurant experience in Chicago was when I walked into Morry’s Deli on 55th and Cornell in Hyde Park. I was hungry and they sold me a bagel of dubious quality along with a hefty slab of cream cheese which in form and substance resembled the celebrated U-boat that draws visitors from near and far to the Museum of Science and Industry a few blocks away.

I didn’t give up and I later found the joys of Hyde Park favorites such as the Medici, Siam Thai, and Ann Sather’s. My favorite restaurant in Chicago remains the Valois Cafeteria where you’ll “see your food” and pick up breakfast for under $6.

This is a rare feat in these increasingly pricey times, no?

It was with great anticipation that I picked up the Chicago Food Encyclopedia, which covers a vast range of culinary territory from O’Hare Airport down to the one and only Calumet Fisheries.

Ably edited by a who’s who of Chicago food writers (including Carol Mighton Haddix, Bruce Kraig, and Colleen Taylor Sen), the book is an expert antidote to an increasingly crowded world of banal blather regarding cuisine.

I reached out to Bruce Kraig (PS: He’s the author of Hot Dog: A Global History) for a set of meditations on crafting this work, hot dogs, and related matters.

He did not disappoint.

Why the Chicago Food Encyclopedia? Can you say a little about the project’s origins?

The story I like to tell is this: I have worked on encyclopedias before as the Senior Editor of the Oxford Encyclopedia of Food and Drink in America and have written entries for a number of others. When Andrew F. Smith, with whom I worked, told me that he and friends were editing a New York food encyclopedia, called Savoring Gotham, I knew that we in the Second City had to do something: New York is a great food city but Chicago holds prime place as historically America's food collection, production and distribution center AND it is now America's leading restaurant city. The world should know it, and now with the Encyclopedia it will.

Immediately upon this inspiration smacking me I emailed Colleen Sen my friend and collaborator on our book Street Food: Everything You Need to Know About Open-Air Stands, Carts, and Food Trucks Across the Globe asking what she thought. Yes, she said, she had had exactly the same idea. Colleen is one of the world’s leading authorities on the history of Indian food and has written entries for lots of encyclopedias.

She said that we'd have to work fast to try to beat the New Yorkers (we missed but not by too much in university press publishing terms). Because I work with the University of Illinois Press and as a friend of the editor-in-chief, why not expedite matters and take it to them, we thought. We quickly wrote a proposal and brought it to the U of I Press. They quickly agreed – about 10 minutes and we were off and running.

Because we'd done this kind of book before, Colleen and I drew up a tentative headword list and began thinking about possible contributors. We knew lots of people, but one name came up more often than most, our old friend Carol Haddix. She had actually written a book about the Chicago dining scene from 1980 to the present and as the former and long-time multi-award winning editor of the Chicago Tribune food section she knew more about the current state of Chicago food than we did. And she knew lots of potential writers, many of whom had written article for her in the past. It did not take to long for Colleen and I to say to each other, let's ask Carol to join us as co-editor. She agreed and thus our happy editorship began.

In reality I'd been talking about a Chicago book with the U of I Press for years. Other collaborators didn't work out and I was too busy writing other books and lots more papers and articles to really get into the project.

As you likely know, Carol had me put together a Chicago food history timeline for the Tribune's sesquicentennial - it is the basis of the encyclopedia's timeline and chronological order, so I'd been working on the earlier era for some time. When this project occurred to us it seemed just right to finally get a volume with the right people to tell the full story that I could not do on my own, or at least as well as this. Second, Andy Smith and the New Yorkers are old friends and I did entries (on guess what?) for Savoring Gotham, but we still wanted to compete with them.

Your introduction is a masterful overview of Chicago’s diverse and complex relationship with food (prepared or otherwise). Were there any sections that didn’t make the cut for this section of the book?

Thank you. The only restriction we had was on length. The full history of Chicago’s food is deep and complex, more than one book-length treatment. The introduction is brief guide to a fuller history that lies within the entries themselves. Look at the ones on labor, fin de siècle diets, literature or cookbooks as examples. These, too, are brief but serve to fill out more of the story.

As I read the entries, I saw old friends that have left us, including the Cape Cod Room, Gordon, and the original Pump Room. Do you have a few favorite restaurants that are no more?

I put this to my colleagues. Here’s what they said:

Carol: I would like to go back in time and visit the original Glunz Tavern on Wells Street in the late 1800s, and then compare it to the family’s recent resurrection of the tavern.

Colleen: I would like to have visited Rector's restaurant at corner of Clark and Monroe to try the oysters and the rich fin de siecle food.The old Maxim's -- it was terrific. When I was in NYC in the late 60s Ashish [her husband, a professor at UIC] would go by himself and order a bowl of billibi soup and a dessert. He'd go very early just as they opened so he wasn't interfering with the regular clientele. The total cost was around $5.00

Bruce: I agree about classic old restaurants-Kinsley’s, the Boston Oyster House, and the early-day Henrici’s. But I’d also like to go to one of the Toffenneti’s because they remind me of places I visited in my youth in NYC, like Schrafft’s…and in fact Toffenetti’s in Times Square.

Colleen and I agree that we’d like to visit places discussed in John Drury’s 1931 classic Dining in Chicago. As Colleen says: “… one of the Japanese restaurants mentioned was: Mrs. Shintani's which specialized in sukiyaki. In 1939 Mrs. Football opened a Japanese restaurant on Oak street that served fish dinners "marinated in a special sauce." I'd like to have tried both.

We have to take on a very important topic in this interview: Hot Dogs. Your entry only uses the word ketchup once and that’s in reference to French fries.

I thank you for this.

American tomato ketchup is an abomination. Other earlier ketchups, on the other hand, like nut versions, well that’s another story.

How difficult was it to craft this entry?

If you are asking me about the hot dog entry, the only problem was cutting it down-we did impose word limits on ourselves.

Second part: When I came to Chicago you could buy a hot dog on State Street in the Loop. Now there are no carts selling hot dogs in the Loop. What can we do to remedy this problem?

As we emailed each other, once upon a time street food was common in and around the Loop. What needs to be done is political action to get the Aldermanic council and mayor to allow street food carts and stands. New York is an example (though flawed). Putting them on South State Street would increase foot traffic greatly and not interfere with the relatively few restaurants in the area.

What restaurants from Chicago’s past would you like to visit if time travel were a viable option?

See above.

As an expert, can you offer up a few restaurants you’d recommend to folks with a penchant for experiencing just a small sample of Chicago’s culinary scene?

Also from my colleagues:

Carol: To get a quick taste of Chicago’s current, more casual restaurants, head to the Food Revival Hall, 125 S. Clark, where you can sample from stands selling great barbecue, fried chicken, tacos, and even dessert (from well-known chef Mindy Segal of HotChocolate restaurant.)

Colleen: Re Drury, one of the Japanese restaurants mentioned ws: Mrs. Shintani's which specialized in sukiyaki. In 1939 Mrs. Futaba opened a Japanese restaurant on Oak Street that served fish dinners "marinated in a special sauce." I'd like to have tried both.

I would have recommended Katsu's but it is about to close. Tank Noodles at Argyle and Broadway serves great banh mi. Of Indian restaurants, hard to say since they change all the time. Gharib Nawaz on Devon and near UIC is very popular for its very inexpensive and pretty good Indian food.

Bruce: You know that I would say Chicago’s historic hot dog stands: Jim’s Original and the nearby Express, Jimmy’s on Grand (Depression dogs), and the best pure Chicago stand, Murphy’s on Belmont. That’s Chicago’s ongoing food history.

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abiteofnat · 5 years

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BRB, GOTTA DIP...

Back into Trader Joe’s to buy EVERY single (meat-free) dip that they offer. While TJ’s has continuously upped the anti over the past few years to keep their loyal, yet growing millennial base on their toes through new, trendy products (such as the Everything Bagel Seasoning that had an alien-invasion effect on the general population), the dip section is one not talked about nearly enough. It is a treasure trove of flavors and textures, each container offering an entirely new experience for the tastebuds and inspired by a totally different cuisine. While you can go to Jewel and get some sour cream and onion dip for $3 and have a marvelous time eating it, you can also go to TJ’s and spend between $3-5 for a truly Devine dip experience and make a whole meal out of 2-3 dips. There’s chunky dips, creamy dips, tangy dips (I’m looking at you, Garlic Spread!!!) and a handful of others that all deserve a gentle kiss on the lid and a big ole’ bag of tortilla chips to accompany them.

Since the past week has been a total re-entry to American food after a week of gorgeous Italian food actually eaten in Italy, I've had a wonky appetite and haven’t figured out what still sounds good after eating handmade pasta in a crushed basil and tomato sauce in the Amalfi Coast. Does that make me sound like an asshole? Yeah, but anyone whose been to Italy gets it. Italy makes you into a little bit of an asshole once you leave because you’re eternally bitter you’re not in Italy anymore. So, turns out the only thing that peaks my eternally jet-lagged stomach is DIPS N’ CHIPS. CHIPS N’ DIPS. Any chip, any dip, I want it. Maybe it’s the extreme sodium or the combo of textures that are so easily consumed that make chips and dip such an appealing meal, or perhaps it’s the fact that I can tell myself jalapeño and artichoke dip is “healthy” since there are TWO veggies in it.

Long intro short, I've listed out some of the best dips you can find at your local TJ’s below, and included what kind of edible utensil goes best with each! Please give them all a try and let me know which combo is your favorite, or if you’ve unlocked a different mix that NEEDS TO BE DIPPED N’ DELIGHTED IN! One... two... three... DIP.

1. Jalapeno Lime Almond Dip

Now listen to me on this one. This dip is my all-time favorite at TJ’s, and this is coming from someone who feels extremely sick when they eat too many almonds. With blended almonds, a hint of lime and an oddly addictive heat of jalapeño once you’ve swallowed a bite, it’s unique for sure but really delicious. Do not eat more than half the container or you will get gnarly indigestion, but definitely indulge in it and enjoy all the secret protein sneaking in through the nuts!

Edible Utensil Suggestion: 3 Seed Beet Crackers from TJ’s

2. Caramelized Onion Dip

If you’re typically a fan of the previously mentioned sour cream and onion dip, this is the dip for you! With a creamy, tangy base and a swirl of caramelized onion bits throughout, you can easily eat the whole thing with a bag of pretzel slims and not even blink. It’s smooth, rich but not overwhelming, and the perfect picnic or BBQ companion.

Edible Utensil Suggestion: Salted Pretzel Thins from TJ’s, or carrots if you’re *a bunny*

3. Smoked Salmon Dip

For all the bagel & lox lovers out there, RUN, do not walk, to schmear this on your bagel this weekend. For a dip that could go so wrong and be so fishy and unpleasant since it’s not from a proper Skokie deli, TJ’s nailed it. The consistency is thick, but not chunky, and salty, but not overtly salmon-flavored. Somehow they got smoked fish to be creamy, but not like pate, and silky, but not without texture. It’s perfect, and delicious. Enjoy it with tortilla chips for a tartare-inspired combo, or on a toasted bialy at lunch. You just can’t go wrong.

Edible Utensil Suggestion: Organic Yellow Corn Tortilla Chip Rounds from TJ’s

4. Chunky Artichoke & Jalapeno Dip

I’ll be honest- this dip I have some mixed reviews on because it truly changes bite by bite. If you get a bite with a slender piece of artichoke in it and a good amount of jalapeño, you’ve won the jackpot. If you get a different bite, it can be a bit of a confusing experience. It’s a cream-based dip packed with artichoke hunks and the ghost of a tasty jalapeño, and it’s ten times better than any spinach and artichoke dip I've ever tasted (which is exactly 2 types)... but it’s also missing something, an extra “oomph” I haven’t figured out yet. Maybe it needs blended more? Maybe it needs more salt, maybe some garlic? I’ll keep eating it and get back to you. It’s still damn good!

Edible Utensil Suggestion: Salted Potato Chips from TJ’s

5. Pimento Cheese Dip with Extra Sharp Cheddar Cheese & Roasted Pimento Peppers

I TRICKED YOU ALL AND SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST, HAH! The TJ’s pimento cheese dip with peppers is a gift from the heavens above, sent to absolve us of all our sins as we settle in to watch the Bachelorette and emotionally eat an entire bag of crinkle-cut potato chips coated in thick, ridiculously flavorful cheese dip as we watch feminism evolve and simultaneously dissolve in front of our very eyes since Luke exists. Did that make sense? If not, you’re not watching this season of The Bachelorette or you do not appreciate a good, GOOD cheese dip. Meant to be eaten cold, the pimento cheese dip has a soft texture to it, neither whipped or as “liquid” as queso, and housing a mix of cheese pockets, peppers and a strong smoky taste. Give it a really good stir to get it all mixed together, and then just sink a chip right in and get a hearty amount. It has the deep, seasoned texture of Worcestershire sauce, but with a light aftertaste and the cheesy, melt-in-your-mouth element we all adore pimento cheese for providing. Get ten containers when it’s there because it’s constantly sold out, and eat those feelings, baby!

Edible Utensil Suggestion: Ridge Cut Potato Chips from TJ’s

And now, an unpopular opinion, because have you met me? The Garlic Spread Dip is widely known to be the best TJ’s dip, and is scoured from coast to coast due to it’s popularity with bloggers and appealing simplicity- it’s literally ground garlic in dip form. It can be eaten with chips, on veggies, put on a steak- you name it. However, it’s not for me. It’s incredibly sour, almost to a point where I have to wonder “Is this spoiled?” and has the same texture as paste. It’s grainy, acidic and pungent- sounds good, huh? The people want what the people want, and they want the Garlic Spread Dip. But this girl does not. Y’all can have it, because it’s rancid. I’M SORRY.

Any dips I've missed out on?? Other top contenders in my fridge are the Olive Tapinade, Buffalo Hummus and Pesto (because I will put pesto on ANYTHING). But please do some scouting and let me know what’s worth trying!

Until next time, Happy Eating!

-Natalie

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woundgrey39-blog · 5 years

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How to Make Sweet Potato Toast

We’re diving in to How to Make Sweet Potato Toast today because they are our new favorite breakfast, snack, or lunch and can guess they’ll be yours too! Sweet potato toasts are easy to make, nutrient-dense, and there are so many options to shake up your toast topping game. Sweet potato toast is a great fiber-rich, gluten-free, Whole30 approved, and vegan healthy toast replacement! PLUS, they are super easy to make!

How to Make Sweet Potato Toast

Making sweet potato toast is about to become your new favorite breakfast, snack, lunch, or hey, even dinner! These Pinterest-worthy lower carb “toasts” have been making the rounds lately. What is sweet potato toast? Well basically they are cooked slices of sweet potato that are a great nutrient-dense alternative to regular toasted bread that can hold a hefty portion of toppings. Did we mention they are also delicious? Today we’re diving into all the details on How to Make Sweet Potato Toasts for our ongoing How to Wednesday series and sharing our favorite topping choices as well!

What kind of sweet potatoes are best?

Look for large round sweet potatoes! These work best because you can get good slices out of them. Curved ones, or oddly shaped ones, aren’t great for toast because you’ll waste more of the sweet potato when you’re slicing them up!

What are the different kinds of sweet potatoes?

Well this isn’t the most straightforward question! These day the grocery stores can sell a few different types of sweet potatoes and sometimes they are labeled yams (but apparently they’re not actually yams?). For this purpose the best type of sweet potato is usually labeled as a Garnet Yam, but a Beauregard or a Jewell Sweet Potato will work best too.

Garnet Yams are actually sweet potatoes and they are the best choice for sweet potato toast.

Japanese Sweet Potatoes and Hannah Sweet Potatoes: These two look different on the outside, with the Japanese having a purple skin and the Hannah having a tan skin but they are both similar on the inside with starchier yellow flesh. We don’t recommend these for sweet potato toast.

Purple Sweet Potato: This has a very starchy firm purple potato. While delicious, we also don’t recommend this type for sweet potato toast.

How do you easily cut up sweet potatoes

There are two options for slicing up the sweet potatoes. You can either use a mandolin, though it will need to be a good quality one with a sharp blade. Or use a sharp knife! If you are a little unsteady with your knife skills, slice of a piece of the sweet potato so you can rest it on that fast surface for safer cutting.

Do you peel sweet potatoes?

Peel the sweet potato if desired! The skin is edible, but can be rough and fibrous, so if you are concerned with texture you can peel the skin off. The most important thing is to aim to make them all the same size. For sweet potato toast, we find it’s easier to leave the skin on because it helps the sweet potato keep it’s shape.

Why we aren’t making sweet potato toast in the toaster

We know this method is out there–but we don’t recommend it. It takes too long to cook the sweet potato in the toaster (unless you are using a powerful toaster oven) so we recommend using the oven bake method first, and then to reheat you can use a toaster to warm it up and get it slightly crispy.

There really are endless options for topping the sweet potato toast. You can go with savory or sweet, or even make a DIY sweet potato bar and let your loved ones make their own!

Savory Ideas:

Cream Cheese, Lox, Red Onion, Tomato slices, and Capers: Kite Hill is a great dairy-free alternative for cream cheese.

Tuna Melt or Chicken Salad Melt: Place your favorite tuna salad or chicken salad on your sweet potato toast, top with slices of tomato and cheese, then place under the broiler, for about 1 minute, until cheese is melted!

Loaded Avocado Toast: In the LCK cookbook, there is a killer avocado toast that recipe that can be used here! You can use that topping, or make a quick smashed avocado topping: Smash your avocado, sprinkle some salt, red pepper flakes, garlic granules and squeeze of lime juice! Then top with crispy chickpeas, everything bagel seasoning, and some sriracha!

Sweet Ideas:

Nut Butter, Banana, and Cacao Nibs: You can use any type of nut butter or sunflower seed butter here and add in fresh banana and cacao nibs for crunch or regular chocolate chips. Sprinkle with some chia seed or flax seed for some extra fiber.

Nutella with Berries and Shredded Coconut: We have a homemade Nutella recipe, but go ahead and buy store bought chocolate hazelnut spread if you need–there are a couple of different options out there. Top with berries of choices and shredded (or toasted) coconut for some crunch.

How to Reheat:

This recipe makes a large make ahead batch for the week. To reheat as needed either stick it in a toaster, a toaster oven until hot and edges are crispy. It’s best to top as needed (like regular toast) but you can prep one for lunch to reheat at work later and reheat like any other food, though the sweet potato won’t be crispy.

If you like this how to, check out these others:

Ingredients

2 large, uniform sweet potato or yam

1 tablespoon avocado oil, or spray

1 teaspoon salt

Directions

Preheat an oven to 425ºF and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

Scrub and wash and dry the sweet potato clean.

Cut off the tips of the sweet potato.

Using a knife (or alternatively a mandolin) slice the sweet potato into 1/4" thick pieces. Discard the end pieces that have the most bit of skin.

Lay on parchment paper with room in between and either spray or brush avocado oil on both sides. Sprinkle with salt.

Bake for 5 minutes, then flip and back for an additional 5 minutes. The sweet potato should be fully cooked through, meaning you can easily stick a fork through it, but not overcooked that it would fall apart when you picked it up.

Either use immediately with toppings of choice, or cool completely before moving to an air tight container and storing in the fridge. Use within 3-5 days.

To re-heat as needed for topping either stick it in a toaster, a toaster oven until hot and edges are crispy.

Recipe Notes

See post for inspiration on how to top your sweet potato toasts.

If topping and reheating outside of the home a toaster oven or microwave will work.

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Source: https://lexiscleankitchen.com/sweet-potato-toast/

#read more #see more #check it out #interesting #learn more

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lurkerviolin · 7 years

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i think it's easier when i remind myself that inherently i am owed some suffering like i realize logistically my Bad Things, the tally marks i mentally keep of the things ive done that i probably should not have are not any worse than anybody else's and that sins aren't really measured on a sliding scale spiritually and honestly my Bad Things are largely harmless owing to the fact that i realize that they are bad and consciously choose mostly harmless ways to externalize them but also they are Still Bad and i deserve to suffer and maybe i subconsciously knew that and that's why i let my awkwardness and desire to Do Something More With My Degrees talk me out of retail and into this position that really i'm not qualified for i'm not and this training is not going to be enough but it's already too much as of the first day it's too MUCH ten to twelve hours a FUCKING day and not just for the first week but for the next three months and it's so disorganized and rushed like i realize there's a code red situation going on across the country but i don't want people's lives (which is dramatic and conceited way of thinking about it but still) hanging on my actions when i haven't been properly trained how to act AND i have to do it in spanish when all day i kept hearing stories about how people come in saying they're bilingual and get out in the field and are completely useless and get fired on the spot and that's going to be me it has to be because i can't retain all this i barely speak spanish on a regular basis why did i agree to do this and for the fucking FEDS no less they could disappear me and nobody would know and i would deserve it because walked into it all by myself because i'm a fucking idiot and i wish i had never walked in but now i'm convinced that if i just bail not only will i NOT have a job because i can't go back to the retail one i just abruptly bailed on but because i'll wind up on a black list and honestly i kept thinking the whole day maybe the world will end right now or i'll get hit by a car or die in my sleep or something because the best case scenario is that i manage to squeak by without messing anything up but i still have to work 12 hours a day 6/7 days a week and would you believe the dumbest fucking part is that i have concert tickets and a friend coming to town to go with me next week and i don't know if i can even ask to go and that was the thought that made me start crying i hate this i'm so fucking stupid

#paranoia //#death //#do nut re bagel #how many of them know me how many #now i'm fucking worked up about sleeper agents for FUCKS sake #delete later

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athleisure-aesthetic · 7 years

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This weekend was seriously the most fun and best I've felt in a long time. It was filled with good food, good workouts, good music, and good people. I feel so fulfilled.

Also, I think I'm gonna start putting one of my fave songs from the workout on each day, in case anyone is looking for good pump ups, bc tbh I have the best playlist for working out. So. Here we go.

April 7 Took a half day off work to go home early, work out, and get ready for the John Mayer concert I was attending later with my mom. I was debating working out at work so I had access to some cardio stuff and weights, but I figured I'd be doing enough walking later, plus navigating train schedules to time out perfectly is hard enough as it is, so I just went home and did a butt-focused session. I tried a new move called clams, which I don't think I'm doing right bc I don't feel it in my butt at all... oh well, gotta throw some new stuff in there here and there. Also, does anyone else have problems with their glute bridges (especially one-leg ones) where they feel it in their hamstrings instead of their butts?? Maybe it's just me. Idk.

After my workout, my mom came down on the train and we set out to eat and go to the concert. This is the first time in like literally months that I've put myself together and like did makeup and such. We're shopaholics together, so we stopped into Marshall's and I found this BOMB army green bomber jacket that's so soft and comfy and I was already wearing a jacket too light for the weather, so I was like ok so I'm just gonna take it lol. I looked real good ok, I wish I got a better picture of my outfit but I had to work with the awful mirrors in the concert venue. Check it. Dinner was so good too, I went for a chicken salad wrap with apples and pesto 😍 like kill me now it was so good.

John Mayer was and is everything and will always be. He's a bit of a weirdo and whatever, but his music and his talent is unbeatable. This was the 5th time I've seen him live, and it's still a religious experience every time. He's absolutely my favorite evER.

Butt Workout 3x each

20 reps plank jacks 20 reps glute bridges 15 reps fire hydrants, alt. sides 20 reps plie sumo squats w/ my laptop as a weight (lol I didn't have anything heavier in my living room, sue me) 15 reps clams 15 reps donkey kicks, alt. sides 10 single leg glute bridges, alt. sides 20 hop squats 15 reps bulgarian split squats, alt. sides

Listening to: "Surrender" by Cash Cash

April 8 That morning I had a speed run on the schedule, and I was also planning on doing T25 when I got back, but my mom woke up early and asked if I wanted to go running with her, so I convinced her to run my speed run with me, even though she doesn't love running fast haha. It was a gorgeous morning so we headed into Old City and ended up at Penn's Landing so we could have some good straightaways without stoplights. This time around it was 6 x 200m at a pretty fast pace with a little less than 4 minutes in between, and I got negative splits on each round except for the last, which felt really good. And even though it makes me a lowkey horrible person for thinking this way, I was kind of glad that my mom couldn't keep up on my sprints, bc that means A, I'm improving significantly, and B, I may have finally found something I can do that she can't in terms of fitness. I'm happy that I'm actually finding my own thing and that I can feel success around not only myself, but other people I consider extremely fit. YAY.

Although we got back and she did some yoga stretching, and I was like ok I get it we're back in your element lol. Didn't end up doing T25 cause I had to drop Mom off at the train and she was starving so we went to RTM to get her some food. She was clearly overwhelmed cause that place is nuts on a Saturday morning. But I was satisfied with some watermelon and a bagel from Dunkin hehe.

Later that day, I shopped around some more, found some badass Nikes to use as city shoes for hella cheap, as well as some face masks that I was planning on using at night as a little spa treatment for myself, bc idk treat yo self? Then I got early dinner with one of my friends from school, as well as ice cream at my favorite place 💕 my night wrapped up at Nova watching my roommate's aca group doing an alumni concert and helping Mikey finish his senior song arrangement. Got home ruhl late, but still tried out one of my masks while folding my laundry. Skin definitely feels clearer and brighter!

Also I walked legit so much on Saturday, I almost hit 30,000 steps 😮

0.74 mi 7'16" min / mi (but I ran like a lot more than that, probably around 3 miles)

Listening to: "Perm" by Bruno Mars

April 9 Today was my first ClassPass class day!!! SO hYpE. I was nervous as hell, but I felt like I had been working out enough that it wouldn't be that huge of a learning curve, and I knew it was only an hour so I could push through whatever and then die later. Got to the studio and heard the music from the previous class pumping before I even got to the floor it was on, so I got excited. I signed in at the desk, had to sign a waiver (for which I was like uhhhh............. ok), and got my assigned treadmill / bench. I went up to the instructor and told her I was new, and she did a quick explanation to me and the other newbies. Alternating Woodway treadmill hills / sprints and fast-paced strength training. She was like it's going to be very hard, but you can choose not to go the recommended pace if it doesn't feel right. You'll want to push yourself hard enough that you'll want to walk when we get to the recovery, so that's what I recommend.

When the class started, I was pretty motivated though, and pretty much stuck with the middle speed option or a little faster on the correct incline the whole time. Except that last damn hill on 9 incline, I was like I CANNOT, KATIE UR KILLING ME. The strength training moves weren't impossible, we just switched them a lot, so it was hard to get as many reps in while trying to see what the instructor was doing. But it was actually SO FUN. I love that it alternated between cardio and weights, and that I didn't feel dead by the second time at the treadmill. The session concluded with some nice yoga poses and great stretches, and then it was over. I was drenched in sweat, but felt sooooo good. When I left and was walking back to my apartment, I was like wow I can so see myself doing this for a few years and thriving. I felt so adulty lol.

Got back and had a protein shake in preparation for a magical afternoon at the Manayunk Food Truck festival with friends, where I had fried cheese curds, buffalo ranch fries, and root beer ice cream. I was in literal heaven; there were so many options, it was the nicest day out, and I felt good about eating whatever after working as hard as I did the rest of the weekend. I was very happy.

Listening to: "#thatPOWER" by will.i.am. & Justin Bieber

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