#did i waste 8 years of my life hoping for this? idk but i had some fun so whatever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

seeminglydark · 11 months

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Idk if this means anything to you but I'm a comic artist who's had a hard time doing art for a few years. The first four was because of life hardship and lack of time/chronic pain, but now lately I've had time but a mental block. I'm creeping up on 30 and felt bad about myself for "missing out" on my opportunity to be a comic artist. It was really validating to see you post about being 41 (correct me if I'm wrong) especially since you have such wonderful comics that I've been following for a while now. It makes me feel less like I'm wasting my time putting my things in order when I "should" be drawing.

Hopefully this doesn't come across as offensive or anything. It was just comforting and validating. Anyway, big fan! Love your characters a whole lot and hope you have a good day!

Dear Anon

I am 41 years old. I have wanted to make comics my entire life. before my dad got sick, and my childhood kinda fell apart, all i did was draw. after that, i used the stories in my head to cope. life moved on. i was convinced not to accept a partial scholarship to an art school in California. life got hard. i worked at a hotel, and after i escaped an abusive relationship at 22 i hitchhiked/bused far far away to start over. i tried to make comics again, but i had to survive, and so i got another job doing the only thing i knew how to do, hotels. and i worked. and worked. and life got harder and times got heavier and i didn't get time to draw and i worked double hours, 15 to 17 hours a day. and i went four years without drawing a single thing.

i kept working myself into the ground. i was 29 now. i picked up a pen again and drew a red haired boy. he had a hard life and no love and no friends. his problems were on the outside, for everyone to see. he ran away but his problems went with him.

i was 32. surely i was too old now. my time to be an artist was gone. i had no school. no hope. i was so far behind the younger gen i saw online. i cried. all the time. i wrote stories in my email drafts while i worked shifts. i stayed up late trying to learn how to draw again. i cried some more. the boy grew. i called him Fiach. worthy. a raven. later i renamed him Avery. he was like a bird, he had wings, he was my hope. i started writing some friends for him. the people i wished i had around me.

i started finding time and space. i got a new job, something where i was lucky enough to set my own hours. for the first time i had a partner who believed in me. things were hard. but i was drawing now. and that helped.

i went on a road trip and i started drawing pages of an unnamed story on 6 by 8 paper in a sketchbook. i drew 20 of them. 'what could i call this?' i thought. Nothing Seems as Dark...no says my partner. Seemingly Dark. he made me a logo. i was 35. i bought an ipad, i cant do this on paper, its too much story i have too much to say. so i learned how to draw digitally by tracing my own trad art pages.

I spoke to my dad for the last time on June 17th, fathers day that year. he said 'you're good. i'm proud. and you're gonna do amazing things. none of this is your fault. and we will speak again soon.' i didn't know id never hear his voice again. he died a week later.

i turned 36. i kept trying. i'm old, i don't understand the internet. how can i share this?

i stumbled across Lore Olympus. i was introduced to webcomics. id read comics online before but the thought never occurred to me. i opened an account on Tapas. and then i stared at it. what if no one likes it. what if its bad. my art isn't good. i should wait til i'm better. but will i ever really be better? or will i always believe that tomorrow is better? do it now. if even one person gets something out of this story, this story about a boy who is you, a boy who looking for hope, a boy who might make it, then that is enough isn't it.

June 17th 2018 i launched Seemingly Dark.

SD's five year anniversary is in a week. 0ver 700 pages. leaps and bounds in progress with my skills. a printed comic under my belt as of monday. i was always a storyteller. but i was always an artist too.

I am 41 years old, dear anon. I did not truly embark on this journey til i was 35. life got in the way. even now, chronic illness gets in the way. but its worth it. its never ever too late. i believe in you the way my dad believed in me. i reset my life again and again. but I was always an artist. and if thats who you are, and who you want to be, even if things dont go the way you wished they could, you're an artist too.

im 41 years old. i speak about my age, even though i often feel too old to belong in spaces, cuz really, in this case age is just a number. take care of yourself. do what you need to do. and little by little, when your able, carve out your space until it becomes more of a habit. sometimes i think about all the years i lost not drawing or creating. but there's a lot of factors that make me believe had i made my story then, it wouldn't be the story it is now, i needed to live a bit. i needed to find myself. i know this was long, but i just wanted you to see i also had to put my life in order, and getting notes like this reminds me it wasnt at all a waste. im glad i could offer you some comfort. thats honestly the best compliment i could ever receive.

TL;dR I was 35 when i sat down and seriously started making comics, because life always got in the way and so did my confidence. i always feared being too old. im 41 now, still going strong.

#rj rambles #this is really long im sorry anon #i think my late comic blooming story is kinda important for people to hear #thankyou for giving me a reason to tell it

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horusmenhosetix · 2 years

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Very confused, advice would be appreciated :’3 Long post

Hey there, I'm an 24 afab non-binary asexual who just discovered they were demiromantic. I just had bilateral mastectomy, i'm at about 8 weeks recovery. I am chronically ill and this illness has stopped my education and ability to work. I feel like I have wasted half my life and feel less real compared to my friends who are all around 20-22 years old at uni living their lives and progressing while i'm stuck in painful limbo.

My online friend from the discord friend group i'm in just came to the uk to meet up with us and I developed a huge crush on him. I find him aesthetically attractive and I felt like I wanted to be close to him and cuddle/kiss him which has only happened once before, to another online friend, and to a much lesser degree. I felt like I wanted to be attractive to him so that he would like me back. But, he is a straight 20 y/o M and my internalised acephobia said he'd never want to be with me in a sexless relationship. (My first and only relationship so far was with a high libido individual and they put constant pressure to have sex on me when we were together.) And then my internalised transphobia and body shaming came into the picture telling me he'd never find me attractive now my only appeal has gone, my D cup breasts.

Before, when I thought I was aro/ace (for the last 6 or so years), I stopped caring about my appearance and the thought of being sexually attractive to randos repulsed me. So I was completely fine and happy with my surgery, and I still am for myself I think (I don’t feel a profound sense of loss or anything), but this experience of romantic attraction has these self hating thoughts are swirling around my head now.

Society’s standards for beauty don’t last. I feel so superficial caring about this now after years of ignoring my body completely and having bilateral mastectomy I’ve wanted for 6+ years. I've never performed femininity before, wearing makeup, doing my hair, trying to be pretty and appealing etc. But these feelings of wanting to be attractive to this guy have got me questioning if my gender isn't more feminine. Maybe I should have just had a breast reduction. Idk anymore.

I went through a period of time thinking that because I didn't feel very feminine, dressing up for prom felt like putting drag on, that I must be FTM trans, so I did try going on testosterone for a while. But doing that made me realise I didn't want to be male, or that masculine. Maybe my bad self image was contributing to the feeling that trying to perform femininity was a mask. I don’t regret trying T because it helped me explore my gender more. I'm going to try and see if performing femininty makes me feel any different. I just have no idea how to being with make-up and stuff.

He was only there for four days, and I was only there for three of those. On the third day I confessed my feelings to him. He said a relationship wouldn't be a possibility due to logistical reasons and that he wasn't up for a long distance relationship. I asked if my being non-binary had any bearing on the rejection but he said no, actually. He also said he didn't have the mental capacity at the moment for a relationship. I thought he might be trying to spare my feelings but I haven't known him to do that, he's very honest usually. He said he was glad I was comfortable enough with him to tell him and that it hasn't ruined our friendship (I had said that i hope that it hasn't so this was in response to that).

So now I have all these feelings I don't know what to do with. I've had extremely low self esteem since I was a child, I hated myself for being different than everyone else. (I had undiagnosed autism until I was 18 and the symptoms made me feel like an alien trying to blend in with humans, and I still feel that way just slightly less i suppose) I feel like I'm not good enough for him, or anyone. I feel hideously ugly but I would never call anyone else that. I feel like i'm aging too fast and my life is slipping by and my illness has wasted more than half of it.

I know he'd going to find a lovely young lady who actually lives in his country who isn't asexual and can make him happy and it feels like metaphorical daggers to my heart thinking about it.

If you've made it this far thank you. I live in a smallish town and i've only met one lgbt person, that I know of, here. I don't have any lgbtqa friends to talk to so I was hoping to get some advice on how to deal with these feelings here, or if any of you have experienced anything similar. I thought I had my gender and sexuality figured out but turns out it’s a bigger mess than I thought.

#hixspeaks #non-sims #copying this from my reddit post #i just need advice and am trying to think this through #i'm so bloody gender confused #my my asexuality has impacted my body image more than i tought #thought*#i wish I had considered reduction but I was so sure I hated them #and wanted them off completely #i thought no one could love me anyway and the chance of me finding someone who wouldn't want sex felt minute #why am i the way that i am

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anonymous-prince · 9 months

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apparently i'm about to reach out to my biological mom, who was the main source of my childhood trauma and who i have not seen since i was like 12 (when my grandparents finally got full custody after an 8 year custody battle). because my grandparents are not great and i've finally been realizing and accepting that. i cannot deal with living here much longer but they've made it so i'm basically trapped and unable to leave, and i have no one else to turn to because they've spent my entire life convincing all of them that i'm a "problem child" who is "out to get them" and that they're the most perfect, ideal parents ever. (which i bet is the exact same thing they did with my bio mom.. she had her issues, but i think they villainized her instead of helping her. and also never admitted that they also made mistakes and are not as amazing as they believe themselves to be.)

so ironic. bio mom abused and traumatized me, grandparents stepped in to help get me away from her. then my grandparents also abuse and traumatize me.. so now i'm turning back to my bio mom hoping for help and understanding, since she was definitely also a victim of them.

i'm genuinely completely over all the trauma caused by my bio mom, got over it 2-3 years ago (at age 18-19.) and adding onto that the fact that i've come to the realization that my bio mom likely dealt with a lot of the same things i've been through thanks to my grandparents (her parents).. i def feel like i have a bit more understanding of why she was the way she was. and from what little i can see online, it looks like her life is a lot more normal and healthy now.

idk, at this point i just feel like "what's the worst that could happen?" and just.. something, anything needs to change. because as it stands i've been here wasting years of my life because my grandparents are basically keeping me trapped here and making my life hell and i'm sick of it. i want freedom, i want my own life, i want to exist, i want out of this fucking house.

also there's the fact that on the rare occasions that my grandmother would talk to my bio mom, my bio mom would literally always try to ask about me and how i was doing, so it seems like she did/hopefully still does care/have some interest in me.

and uh, vaguely related thought, but i just realized that it made me strangely happy to remember that my bio mom always called me her "kiddo" instead of her "daughter." like i don't recall her ever calling me her "daughter," it was always "kiddo."

and leading off of that, honestly my biggest fear with contacting her is having to come out to her as trans lmfao. i'm like 90% sure she's bisexual so that gives me a bit of hope that she'll be accepting and supportive, but ahhh what if she's not :sob: i guess we'll see lol

edit 2 days later: she blocked me and privated her account without responding. didn't even wait to see what i wanted to talk about :) i understand but also i do not, because my entire childhood and even up until like 2 years ago she would always ask my mom about me, ask how i was doing, ask if she could talk to me. but now that i'm ready to talk to her, she doesn't want to. why is this my life lmfao, i'm so fucking alone

#random thoughts #parent issues #idfk

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kpophubb · 1 year

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OMG ARE YOU KIDDING?!?? MATH AND SCIENCE? sweetie you are so hardworking and smart- I COULD NEVER😭 i loved science but i will not take them as only your grade is required, not a final! don’t have science I mean I’m gonna be honest idk how it works in your country? but here we have to take compulsory finals from literature and grammar, history (that’s my second A level), and math (these are from all 12 years of studies+the language one aswell). There’s also one final of a chosen language (I did my English A level back in october) and one freely chosen (My subject needs a long ass essay as a final work). So yeah I took math aswell on an A level course like history, tho i will only take an A level that doesn’t count that much bc it’s a plus thingy

Huh this is so long, sorry😅so this is how it works for me, 5 finals in order to apply for uni:)

- wjj, love and hugs<3

Ahaha I’m NOT smart 💀 it was pure luck & efforts tbh and do you know WHAT uni I applied to? Med uni hahaha </3

Let me tell you why I call it traumatising 🥲 all my classes started in 2021 and ofc due to the covid, they were ALL ONLINE. All institutions including school and tution centres were off in our entire country, and I’m really not someone who gets anything in online classes. I can’t understand stuff, and my attendance was next to 0. (0.5% to be exact) generally, we all assumed exams would be cancelled that year due to our country’s condition but all of a sudden, it was announced exams WOULD BE PHYSICAL?! I had no idea what the syllabus WAS too😭 and I had FOUR SUBJECTS ALL MATH & SCIENCE and in 4 months with no knowledge and no prior studying, I made it work with HELL LOT OF EFFORTS.✋🏻

and that too all the time knowing I have no time and my life depends on this exam LITERALLY, bc I’d get into uni getting these grades and let me tell you..my uni lowest acceptance grade is a B IN A LEVELS, AND I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT A B GRADE IN A LEVEL SCIENCE MEANS😭💔 I won’t elaborate, I was in PURE HELL those 4 months, praying to god every second to MAGICALLY MAKE IT WORK.

But well, like I said, I did it and you can do it bc hard work never goes to waste my love 💖 in the end I passed with B grades in my required subjects (yea minimum results bc I don’t have very smart learning skills and have 0 talent when it comes to academics) and got the most refreshing 8 month vacation! 🥺💕 now, I’m gonna be an international student and will move out in 6 days so yaay! I’m sure you will ace all hurdles that come your way too my sweetie!! <3

And yeah it smh works in our country like that too,,maybe? Bc we don’t have any compulsory subjects or subject limit tbh..2 is min and max is 4/5. And we too; can take parts in giving exam and choose to give some subjects first then the other. Whatever it is, even if people give me a million dollars I’m never redoing A levels ever again. 🏳️

It doesn’t matter if it’s long, I talk A LOT anyway, it was so nice talking to you and I can’t wait to interact more! Take care, mwuah😘🫶🏻

#mia’s asks #engene 💌#wjj💖 anonie

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multi-fandom-oneshots · 2 years

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I Don’t Know You Yet (Bucky Barnes x Darcy Lewis Soulmate AU)

Author’s Note: Inspired by the song ‘IDK You Yet’ by Alexander 23.

*TW: Implied SA*

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How can you miss someone you’ve never met?

Darcy thought this to herself a lot. Her soulmark always made her feel like she was missing a part of herself, a part of something vital. The words written inside her elbow gave her hope, hope that one day everything would be okay, that there was someone out there waiting for her, someone that loved her.

The Asset was wiped over and over. Mission after mission, kill after kill. He always awoke with this empty feeling in his chest, a hollowness inside him that he couldn’t fill. He asked about the words on his skin, what they meant and they always told him they were the words of death. Whomever spoke them would be his undoing, that his mission would to be to kill the person that dared utter those words. He would nod in affirmation but every time they demanded that of him the hole in his chest got a little bigger. Maybe when that person came for him he would give in, let death finally take him; it would be nice to sleep.

Lately its been hard, they’re selling me for parts.

Darcy was 8 when her parents died, when fate decided their time was over. She was 11 when her foster father Dave started to abuse her, coming in the night to get his pound of flesh. In the dark she would think about her soulmate, the person who would want her after this was all over. They would still want her, right?

She was 13 when she tried to cut the words out of her skin, trying to rip away the promise of a savior that would never come. They always came back, jagged and scarred but there. But she kept trying, kept cutting, hoping maybe one day it would work.

The Asset was on a mission in Prague, waiting to take the shot when he felt a burning sensation on his arm. He was trained not to respond to pain, not to feel but this was the worst pain he had ever experienced. Like someone was carving out pieces of his flesh. The pain persisted but he looked back through his scope, he had to complete his mission.

While the Asset waited at the rendezvous point he finally decided to give in to the pain, to rip away his jacket to examine where it hurt. It was those words, they were hot and burned but they didn’t look any different. His lips moved into a minute smile just for a moment. Maybe this meant death was coming for him. He hoped they’d be there soon.

Can you find me soon because I’m in my head.

The Asset was in that blank space, where everything was cold, where he was wasting away. Trapped in his mind, waiting to be called upon, to be needed again. He knew he was needed, had this gut instinct that he had a purpose, one beyond his missions. But that instinct was ripped away when they woke him, when he heard those 10 words. Those words they took away everything.

I don’t wanna be modern art but I only got half a heart.

At age 17 Darcy finally ran; ran away from the pain and the torment. Life didn’t get better but it didn’t get worse either. She found a club that didn’t ask questions and paid under the table, where she got to control her body and what others did with it. Stripping paid the bills, allowed her to save up money for a better life. She had plans. She wanted to go to college, to escape the hell that was her life. She wanted to become a new person, a person who deserved the words that were written on her skin. It took her 2 years to save up enough money to finally escape. She was headed across the country to New Mexico to start the first year of the rest of her life. New Mexico was hot but the heat helped defrost her cold soul. Slowly she healed, she found something she was passionate about. She was going to find away to help advocate for people like her, abused and battered but not broken. She would show them how to heal just like she was.

How can you miss someone you’ve never seen? Tell me are your eyes brown blue or green?

He had failed his mission. The Asset — no that wasn’t right — he wasn’t the asset anymore. Who was he? The man on the bridge, the man he pulled out of the Potomac, he knew him. He had called him Bucky, had told him he was with him till the end of the line. He screamed then, fists clenched and head pounding. His thoughts were a blur, he couldn’t differentiate between fact and fiction. He ran, ran until his legs couldn’t carry him anymore, until he finally found a place to rest, to let the memories consume him.

He was laying on a cot, the man from the bridge beside him. They were on their backs, looking up at the stars a fire lit beside them.

“Buck, what do you think our soulmates will look like?” The man asked. “Mine will have a beautiful smile. I’m gonna sketch that smile ‘till I get it just right. So I can keep it with me forever. ”

He sighed, an ache filling his chest, a longing that never went away. “I hope mine has kind eyes.” He spoke softly. His mom had had kind eyes, eyes that could see deep down inside you, to the real you. He hoped his soulmate had those types of eyes. Eyes that saw past the uniform and the bravado, that could see him for who he really was; could see how much he needed her.

I only got half a heart to give to you and I hope it’s enough

James pulled his cap lower over his face hoping no one would recognize him. This wasn’t the first time he had been to this place. He visited a lot, mostly after his missions. He knew Steve was looking for him but he had things he needed to do. He needed to watch Hydra burn, to know that he had destroyed every last person who knew The Winter Soldier and how to control him. The missions were hard on him, they made him forget himself, who he truly was. This place reminded him of that; reminded him of the person he was before Hydra. He sat in the back corner watching the film the museum played on a loop. He couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed, the last time he had smiled like was doing in the video. He had so many broken pieces that he needed to put back together. He had so much work to do.

I need you now but I don’t know you yet.

Six credits, that is all Darcy had signed up for. Not alien robots and secret government agencies and infinity stones possessing her best friend. She had helped as best she could, saved as many people as she could but wasn’t enough. She saw their bloodied broken bodies every time she closed her eyes. She cried herself to sleep, clutching her mark like a lifeline. She wished they were here, that they could hold her and tell her it was all going to be okay, that she would be okay.

I need you now but I don’t know you yet.

Years had passed and Darcy was tired. Tired of trying to make a difference, tired of the craziness her life had become. How had everything become so complicated? She was the right hand of a person so brilliant that she could open gateways to other worlds. She was best friends with a literal alien god that saved the world on a weekly basis. And yet here she was, just normal fragile human Darcy. She wasn’t brilliant or super and she most definitely wasn’t a hero. She took another swig of vodka relishing the burn that made her feel not quite so numb. Jane had cried herself to sleep ages ago, Darcy had cried with her. They cried for their planet, for the people who had disappeared from the Snap and then reappeared to a world that had moved on without them. They had cried for Thor, for all his people that they had lost. They cried for Tony, for Natasha, for all the others who hadn’t made it. Darcy set down her glass, those words on her forearm catching her eye. She wondered if they had survived it all, if she even still had a soulmate left. New tears flooded her eyes then, she needed them, she hoped they knew that even if they were no longer alive. She hoped that they knew somehow that she loved them.

I need you now but I don’t know you yet.

Bucky nursed his scotch as he thought. Steve had been gone a few months now, back in time to a soulmate that he had never stopped loving. Bucky didn’t blame him, once Steve had told him what his words really meant, that there was someone out there who could—would love him unconditionally despite it all, how could he blame Steve? Bucky knew if he had had his soulmate and then lost them that he would do anything to get back to them, timelines be damned. He and Steve had finally gotten to the end of that line, but somehow he knew Steve was still with him. He sighed heavily and knocked back the rest of his drink.Before he could ask the bartender placed another scotch in front of him, telling him it was from the woman at the other end of the bar. Bucky looked up in time to see her gathering her things. She caught his gaze for a moment and gave him a small smile before she walked out the door. Bucky smiled back, smiling for the first time in a long time. She had kind eyes; they were blue.

#Bucky Barnes #james bucky barnes #darcy lewis #darcy lewis x bucky barnes #the winter soldier #Winter Soldier #angst #soulmate identifying marks #marvel soulmate au

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eyelinerdean · 2 years

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the notes from when i came up with my s1 au, because i don't have the spoons to actually write it right now:

"ok au where mary left and took sam with her maybe when dean was 7 or 8. sam's too young to remember him. dean grows up alone with john, motel room to motel room, turns tricks to keep himself fed cuz john barely leaves him any money, maybe sometimes no money. (maybe meets charlie at school a la atylk?) same complicated relationship with john, only this time when dean leaves to go get sam, it's not to find john. john is dead. dean killed him. was it self defense? was it to protect mary? was it to protect sam?

dean goes to find his brother. i don't think sam remembers dean except for maybe one or two blurry memories, and i think mary was cagey about discussing john and/or dean. sam didn't have a perfect childhood, but he didn't have dean's childhood either. i'm not sure if he knows about hunting. in this au mary sort of takes john's place in s1. dean wants to meet up with her, but sam hasn't contacted her in a few weeks and she doesn't pick up when they call. when they go to her place, it's empty. so they go looking for her. also jess might be in this au idk man.

(also i think it would be sexy if we had a fun little jump the shark/point of no return moment where sam's like at least you had dad! do you know what it was like growing up without him and dean just looks at him. and shakes his head and walks away (maybe in 1x02))

anyways, mary! maybe she's out on a hunt, maybe she heard about john's death through the grapevine and is trying to find what killed him. she does still love him, after everything.

and everything with azazel still happens, you know etc etc and when dean and mary meet again it's shocked and tearful. she's a hunter, she's older, she clearly knows what she's doing, dean respects her. and dean resents her. but he's too relieved to worry about that right now. she and dean chafe, though, when they work together, and sam doesn't really understand it, but he's still trying to fit everything, hunting, demons, ghosts, everything to make sense with his world view. he's trying to understand the gaps in his life not realizing that he doesn't yet have all the answers.

(i think mary saw azazel and realized what was happening, who he was, but didn't know what he was doing. her hunter instincts kept her from barging in, but she watched and made sure he wasn't hurting sam. so in the years following she clutched sam close and tried to find answers while john was at work. it took 3 or 4 years, but she knew enough. so she took sam. and she ran. while john was at work, while dean was at school. and maybe mary couldn't risk getting dean, didn't have a car cuz john took the impala to work, couldn't risk wasting all the time while john could be home any moment, so she takes sam and runs. the school calls the winchester home 6 times before they contact john's work. and dean and john both come home to find the house empty.)

mary wouldn't leave a batshit trail like john did so a it's a lot more throwing shit at the wall and hoping something will stick, mary doesn't even know they're on her trail until they meet up in what would be 1x16. i really like the idea of mary being gone to try to find what killed john, cuz i think she kept tabs on him all these years. i'm sure she finds out that it was dean, but i don't know if they have a confrontation.

i think mary and dean have kind of a fight before she dies OHHHHH WAIT. does azazel possess mary? or what about john's corpse? OR WHAT ABOUT BOTH OHHHHH HOLD ON. maybe he possesses john's corpse and this is before mary finds out about dean killing him so sam and mary are like john! and dean's got the colt like that's not john. and they're like wtf dean calm down it's ok and he's like get away from him that's not john. and then we have john!azazel being 1) a great actor and then 2) very creepy and taunting dean and revealing that dean killed john AAA!!

and then right after mary is like. what the fuck. then azazel leaves john's body and possesses HER and taunts dean and sam yknow the drill a la devil's trap. and dean has the colt and whatever and mary!azazel is like. you gonna shoot me? just like you shot dear old dad over there? wow, dean, two for two. maybe next time i should find bobby singer, help you keep your streak.

and dean can't do it and sam can't do it either but he does shoot mary in the leg and azazel flees yknow etc etc and they're driving home and nobody is talking about it and then they get hit by the carrrr WOOOHH and dean almost dies and then mary makes the deal to save dean etc etc.

anyways i just think dean deserves to have a fun little breakdown moment at mary about her leaving him <33"

anyways yeah. i've tried to start writing this fic so many goddamn times and it's just never worked out but i do have a playlist for it if anyone would like the link :))

#if you read this whole thing holy shit (affectionate)#lu.txt #my writing

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un-angel · 1 year

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70 horrible questions updated

black march 2020, purple november 2022

01 Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

02 Who did you last say “I love you” to?

sara

izzy

03 Do you regret anything?

there’s one thing i should regret but i’m not sure i do, but apart from that nothing at all

still not sure i regret that same thing i was talking about but i do regret one relationship i had

04 Are you insecure?

hell yeh baby

yeah

05 What is your relationship status?

single

single but married

06 How do you want to die?

on my own terms

and i stand by that!

07 What did you last eat?

a bagel

half a cheese toastie

08 Played any sports?

netball and horseriding played tennis and swam when i was younger too

i joined netball and football at uni idk tho

09 Do you bite your nails?

yes

still yes

10 When was your last physical fight?

never properly only my brother

my brother literally doesnt count ive never fought anyone

11 Do you like someone?

kinda

yes im completely in love with her

12 Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

ummm i don’t think so

not sure probably not why would i

13 Do you hate anyone at the moment?

yes

no and i havent for a while, no point wasting ur energy hating anyone

14 Do you miss someone?

yes

yep

15 Have any pets?

2 cats jasmine and tiger (my lovs)

still got em

16 How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

struggling

dying

17 Ever made out in the bathroom?

yes

18 Are you scared of spiders?

yes

19 Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

maybe

yes maybe for a day or so

20 Where was the last place you snogged someone?

ewww but a club in bulgaria gag

in my bedroom

21 What are your plans for this weekend?

stay alive and go cycling

stay alive lie in bed

22 Do you want to have kids? How many?

i change my mind everydsy

2 or 3 maybe not sure

23 Do you have piercings? How many?

yes 8

i have 8 but theyre a different 8 from before

24 What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

ummmmmm art english RS chem

why would i ever have written chem? it was art and RS + i’ll let english slide

25 Do you miss anyone from your past?

yes but u don’t get to know who

yeah a little

26 What are you craving right now?

frozen yogurt

oh my god i have literally been craving frozen yoghurt for the past 7 years but i had so much of it this past summer. that will do me for a while.

27 Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

maybe i think so a little

yes

28 Have you ever been cheated on?

i don’t know

girl u were cheated on

29 Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

yes

yes and now it’s a boyfriend and a girlfriend

30 What’s irritating you right now?

my parents

the love of my life

31 Does somebody love you?

damn i hope so

yes . ur loved dont forget it

32 What is your favourite color?

all of them

still all of them but maybe blue or purple or pink

33 Do you have trust issues?

wirh certain people yes but in general no

im gonna say no but i think im about to develop a few Xx

34 Who/what was your last dream about?

i dreamt we went back to school (nightmare)

i cant remember

35 Who was the last person you cried in front of?

mia

izzy

36 Do you give out second chances too easily?

i dont think so

37 Is it easier to forgive or forget?

forgive

literally neither i will never forgive u and i will never forget it fuck u

38 Is this year the best year of your life?

maybe

39 How old were you when you had your first kiss?

just turned 15

true story

40 Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

no imagine not being insecure

no!!

51 Favourite food?

my nans lubia polo or my great aunts🤤 or nachos

still probably lubia polo

52 Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

yes

yes but u wont always understand the reason

53 What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

finished watching finding dory

cried and prayed

54 Is cheating ever okay?

still no but i did maybe slip up and i get how it happens but doesnt make it okay.

55 Are you mean?

i don’t know maybe

no!!! but sometimes

56 How many people have you fist fought?

0 sir

0!!

57 Do you believe in true love?

ummmmmmm don’t think so

i wanna say yes i wanna say i know my true love but now im not sure

58 Favourite weather?

when it’s raining but it’s warm

yeh that

59 Do you like the snow?

YES

yes

60 Do you wanna get married?

yes

61 Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

depends who but yeh

if it’s the loml then yes

62 What makes you happy?

art and animals and my friends

and my love

63 Would you change your name?

not anymore but i used to really really want to

dont think so i would never adjust

64 Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

yes

the hardest but so so easy at the same time

65 Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

mannnn idk

scream and cry jack get away from me

66 Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

yes

not sure if we’re there yet

67 Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

bruce hahahah

rory

68 Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

i can’t remember but probably mia

izzy? been having a lot recently though

69 Do you believe in soulmates?

yes i do that was silly. u can have multiple though

70 Is there anyone you would die for?

a lot of people

yes but less than before i think i was just suicidal

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trantrumsfromthevoid · 2 years

Text

Thoughts on “Stranger Things” season 4 part 2 under the cut. Read at your own risk, spoilers ahead.

1.) I absolutely loathed the Hopper/Russia subplot. What was the point? They kept escaping from (and then going back to) the Russian prison. Why? Genuine waste of screen time and it slowed everything down. Hopper should've died in the s3 finale. 2.) Hopper/Joyce felt way too forced. Didn't Bob die like a year ago? Cringe. 3.) It would've been better to have Joyce/Murray pull a buddy trope this season. Leave Hopper out of it. Have them form an, albeit weird, friendship without Hopper. (shout out to Zac for this one.) 4.) Vastly disappointed that One/Eleven weren't related somehow. I saw a theory about their similarities (re: how they use their powers; both using their hands as a “channel”) and it's simply what I've decided to run with and it's now firmly part of my headcanon. Even if they're not father/daughter, then they're somehow related. IDK, it makes sense to me. 5.) Speaking of which: who’s Eleven's father? It's been four seasons; I wanna know! 6.) I can’t remember what happened to Eight but I’d love it if they brought her back. Can we have an epic El/Eight reunion in s5, please? 7.) Argyle was the saving grace for all of s4. Somehow I've fallen in love with him. 8.) I don't think Max is dead. I think she's still alive somehow ... out there in the blackness. I knew they were gonna at least attempt to kill her off but I really don't think she's dead. Otherwise they would've done it in a more direct, permanent way. I really hope Lucas is responsible for helping to bring her back. They’re very cute together, I have to admit. 9.) WTH was the point of of Lt. Colonel Powell? Honestly? 10.) I think Will is, unbeknownst to him, being used by Vecna. There's still a connection between the two. 11.) Robin's one and only shining moment was visiting Pennhurst. Otherwise she's a wasted character. It felt like they were trying to recreate the El/Max dynamic from s3 just with older characters. 12.) And speaking of Nancy, she totally came into her own this season. I loved her take charge attitude and how she, honestly, thrived this go 'round. I'd love it if she pulled a whole "I'm a badass woman, I don't need a man, and I can take care of myself!" I have a feeling there's gonna be an ~epic~ love triangle going between her, Jonathan, and Steve. 13.) Eddie was fine. He wasn't great but he wasn't bad. He had his moment in the sun and had some funny lines. I did, however, like his redemption arc. 14.) Speaking of Eddie, there was ~that moment~ between Eddie/Dustin when they were preparing for the battle with Vecna and it was just ... mmmm ... a splash of awkward/cringe. I hope people don't start shipping a child (or at least someone portraying a child) and an 18/19/20 year old (29 in real life). 15.) Will is gay and I wish they actually had the balls to go there this season. They've been building it up since season one I feel like. 16.) I like Erica so much better this season. Definitely redeemed herself from annoying little sister/sidekick into full-blown main character energy. 17.) What was the point of Ms. Kelly? Why introduce her at all, unless you’re gonna do something with her next season. 18.) I love how the parents are still totally oblivious. Parenting of the 80's: either helicopter parents or oblivious. 19.) Overall I'd rank it 2.5/5 stars. It just felt like filler for season 5. I think they shouldn't have broken it up into two parts; it lost a lot of momentum between part 1 and part 2. 20.) Not really ST related but why does everyone fangirl over Finn Wolfhard? He looks like human spaghetti, I don't get it. 21.) Anyway, lemme know your thoughts!

#stranger things #stranger things part 2 #spoilers #stranger things season 4

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stevesbestgirl · 3 years

Text

A Moment of Your Time - Part 18

Mob!Bucky x Reader (1726 words)

Series Masterlist - Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17

Warnings: smut, daddy kink, almost choking, thigh riding, Bucky being a dom, idk

A/N: Not sure how this got to be so long, I wanted more to happen, but I’m not cutting any of it so here we are. Happy Mafia Monday everyone!

“Can I ask you something, doll?”

You hummed contently, “Of course.”

“Maybe now’s not the best time, since we just argued,” he chuckled softly.

Your brow furrowed, “Something wrong?”

“No, course not.” He brushed his fingers over your waist, “I just wanna make sure you’re happy here.”

“Bucky, if I wasn’t happy, I wouldn’t be here.”

His knuckles brushed over your ribs, “I guess.”

“You guess?”

“Feels like I turned your life upside down.”

You almost wanted to laugh; talk about an understatement. You’d moved out of your apartment, lost your virginity, fallen out with Phil, hell- you’d been abducted, which would sound made up if you said it out loud.

“Oh, you did.” Leaning in to kiss his cheek, you laughed, “But the past couple days with you have made me happier than I’ve ever been.”

He half-smiled, “You sure? Even after today?”

“It’s an adjustment,” you admitted. “But I’m sure.” You appraised him, “Can I ask you something?”

“Course, baby.”

“Will you tell me about your work?”

He went stiff, “Doll-”

“I know, I know, clean hands,” you said quickly. “But I was friends with one of Rogers’ men for years and I didn’t even know it. I just wanna know the basics- your men, what they do, the names of people I should avoid.”

He sighed, “I guess it couldn’t hurt.” You beamed and his lips tipped up in a little smile, “You know Clint. He’s a top-notch marksman, but he’s sort of my all-around guy. My go-to for my personal security detail and arguably, the most competent of the bunch. Thor mentioned that you two met earlier.” You nodded. “He’s muscle, mostly. Good security and great in a scrap, if it comes to it. Vision does the books and the legal stuff. He’s fair in a fight, but doesn’t see a ton of action. He keeps everything looking clean from the outside.”

“What exactly does your organization look like from the outside?” you asked curiously.

He chuckled, “On the books, I run a private security detail, among a few other things. Some small business investments; I own a laundromat, a butcher shop, a couple restaurants, a waste management company, a small casino, a few storage units.” He waved his hand like it was all trivial.

You hoped you didn’t look surprised- you’d known he was influential, but you didn’t realize how directly he had his hands in practically everything. You almost felt guilty about keeping him from his work; even if some of it was for fronting purposes, that was still a ton of management.

“I know you haven’t met Strange yet, but he’s something like a strategist. Got a sharp mind. Good for planning,” he paused, “Complex endeavors. He’s a pro-sharper. And he’s got a medical background, so he plays medic for us once in a blue moon.”

“Do people get hurt a lot?”

He grinned wickedly, “Not often. Not mine, anyway. Just to be safe, I’ve had Pete acting as a runner, although he’s spent a good bit of time shadowing Clint, so his new assignment is your personal security.”

“As for Rogers’ men, the main ones you need to look out for are Wilson, Lang, and Banner. The one you really gotta keep an eye out for is Wilson. First name is Sam. If I had to make a comparison, he’s almost as good as Clint at what he does. He’s sharp, ruthless, and he’s got a handsome face that cons people into trusting him.

Scott Lang plans the heists- bank robberies, home invasions, you name it. The guy acts like a dope, but he’s hiding some serious strategy. Bruce Banner is the same. He looks like a softy, but if a fight breaks out, the guy’s like an animal. And Coulson is a paper pusher, almost exclusively. Rumor has it he’s fair with a gun, but he lacks the mean streak Rogers looks for.” He added offhandedly, "I've heard a few rumors that he's got some broad-" he cleared his throat, "A woman on his team, but its probably just a girlfriend." You nodded, processing everything you’d heard.

“Thanks, Bucky,” you said softly.

“Course, doll. I probably should have told you some of that sooner, but I wanna keep you out of it as much as I can.” He buried his face in your neck, “You’re too good for all that.”

You were quiet for a minute, “So, where did you go if you weren’t messing with Phil?”

He pulled his face from your neck, where he was peppering soft kisses, “Maybe I should save it since you’re not mad at me anymore.”

You knew he was teasing by the smirk on his lips, but you crossed your arms in a pout, “You left without even telling me and I don’t get to know why?”

“Relax, relax,” he laughed, digging inside his inside pocket, “I wanted to get you a present- an apology.”

“You didn’t-”

“You know I did,” he grinned.

He pulled a long box from his jacket and you scooted back on the couch, protesting, “No, no more presents!”

“It’s too late, baby,” he cooed, the self-satisfied smirk growing. He flipped the top open, waiting for your reaction.

Inside, a beautiful bracelet glimmered in the light, each stone dancing to its own rhythm. Your heart jumped to your throat; you’d never even dared to admire something so stunning. After the war, jewelry like this was rare to see. Your voice came out in a fainter protest than before, “Bucky, I can’t-”

“Course you can,” he insisted, removing it from the box.

You shook your head fervently, “You should take it back; it’s too much.”

He captured your wrist, “I can’t take it back.” He draped it over your wrist, pausing before doing the clasp, “Do you really not want it?”

“Of course I do, it’s beautiful,” you admitted softly, watching the way it twinkled on your arm. “But-”

“No buts, sweetheart,” Bucky said firmly, clipping it on your wrist before pulling your hand up and kissing your palm.

The rest of your protests died in your throat at the way it glittered on your arm. You twisted your hand this way and that to watch it catch the light while Bucky watched, grinning.

“You like it?” he asked, the very question a tease because the answer was obvious.

“I love it,” you murmured, entranced. “It’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

You realized your mistake as he smirked, “You know what-”

“Don’t say it,” you interrupted, your fingers wrapping around the back of his neck as you leaned in for a kiss.

He grabbed your chin, holding you back, “You don’t even know what I was gonna say.”

You couldn’t help but smile, “I’m pretty sure I do.”

“What do I get if you’re wrong?”

“Same thing you get if you let go of my face,” you giggled.

He leaned in, whispering into your lips, “But then I don’t get to tell my girl that she’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

You rolled your eyes, but the faint blush in your cheeks probably ruined the act of protest. Bucky brushed his nose against yours, his breath teasing your lips, “Do I still get a kiss?”

You hummed, pretending to think it over, “Maybe just one.”

He chuckled low, “Guess I should have got a more expensive bracelet.” Your protest was cut off by his mouth on yours, his tongue darting between your lips. The fingers cupping your chin brushed the line of your jaw and down the side of your neck.

When he pulled away, your head was spinning. He smiled, “If I only get one, I gotta make it count.” His grin widened, “Unless you wanna renegotiate?”

Pride be damned- you nodded quickly, sliding forward to straddle his lap and assault his lips. His laugh went unfinished, cutting off as you pressed your clothed core against his thigh. His lips moved with yours and the hand on your neck splayed out, the cool metal of his rings on your skin drawing a soft gasp from your throat.

Palming him through his pants, your thighs clenched around his at the twitch of his cock through the fabric. “That what you’re after, doll?” he growled. The timbre of his voice against your lips gave you goosebumps.

“Yes,” you whimpered, feeling him grow hard beneath your hand.

“Yes what, sweetheart?” he urged, squeezing the side of your neck softly. It wasn’t quite choking, but your breath grew shallow and you burned with desire, shifting restlessly against his thigh.

“Yes, sir,” you tried, whimpering as you slid your hips forward, rubbing yourself on his thigh until his fingers dropped to your hip, holding you in place.

“Not quite, sweets. My men call me ‘sir,’ but not my baby.” He bit down on the pulse point of your neck and breathed, “If you wanna play, you gotta ask right.” He sucked on the spot he’d bitten, pulling a moan from deep in your belly.

You pleaded, “Please- please, Daddy.”

“There you go, babydoll,” he practically purred. He flexed his thigh, giving you a slight amount of friction, “Go ahead ‘n ride me until you’re ready for me.”

He peppered kisses and bites up and down your neck, whispering praises in your ear as your hips pulled against him, your arousal seeping through your panties onto his slacks. He chuckled, almost mocking, “That’s right sweets, ruin my pants. I wanna feel how wet you are for me.”

Normally, you’d be horrified at the idea, but something inside you relished the idea of letting him see how much you wanted him. Even the taunting only made you blush and bite down on your lip to stifle a moan at his words.

Suddenly his fingers were on your waist again, your movement frozen. The dark edge to his voice was back, “I don’t think so, baby. Lemme hear you.”

“Bucky, I-”

“No,” he growled. The back of your neck prickled at the authority in his voice.

A squeak slipped out as the pads of his fingers pressed into your hips so tightly that you wouldn’t be surprised if you had bruises later.

“Daddy,” you pleaded. The word was still a little foreign on your tongue, but the way Bucky twitched under your palm served as encouragement.

“What do you want, sweets?” he cooed. “Tell me.”

“I want you,” you breathed.

That was finally the right thing to say. He hummed, his hands gliding over your thighs, “You got it, doll.”

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #mob!bucky x reader #mob!bucky #soft!mob!bucky #smut #ish #bucky #mine

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momoliee · 3 years

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It’s probably too early for The Meta No One Asked For That I’m Gonna Write Anyway about XQC, alas…here we go

Dr. Xie Qingcheng, 32, male, straight (so far), 180 cm with only one current family member.

Xqc is introduced as a cold, aloof and apathetic retired doctor who has no passions, cares about nothing except for his sister, and unless he’s angry, you can barely get an emotional response out of him.

Through meatbun’s character notes on how he has no favorite food, no favorite color or animal, no personal preferences outside what’s most practical and how he’s very very responsible and rules abiding and honest and sober and serious, and through he yu’s POV that continuously paints him as this heartless cold blooded person, I dare say we were…deceived by this so far shades of gray picture we had of him.

Xqc was born into a finically stable middle class family consisting of two cops for parents and a younger sister that came into the world 8 years after him. When he turned 13, and his sister was only 5 at that time, his parents were fired from their job due to a case they shouldn’t have been investigating going wrong, and they had to move to a rural area. Not long after that, he witnessed both his parents’ deaths and saw their corpses with his own eyes, the site was bloody and there’s no way it didn’t traumatize a pre-teen like him. He then was tasked with taking care of his sister, becoming a doctor despite not wanting to, owing others favors and spending all his money on smth that’s yet to be revealed instead of enjoying it. He got married, not to a woman he loves but to someone whom he thought of as “suitable and appropriate”, got cheated on and went through a divorce before losing full interest in the marriage life. He was finally able to retire (we don’t know why yet) and live a quiet, normal, boring life.

I believe xqc loved his parents, I believe he loved them so much cause in chapter 20, he mentions how he thought he wouldnt be able to live past the grief, he wouldn’t be able to go on or move forward, how the grief completely overtook him. He also mentions how he used to play with knots and handcuffs when he was a child, which shows how close he was to them. So for a child who had a good stable life with two loving parents to suddenly fall from a class to a class, suddenly lose both parents and see their corpses with his own eyes, that must’ve fucked him up big time. I’m talking “when can I fully register all of this” kind of fucked up. But he didn’t have time to fully absorb all of this, didnt have the time to sit down and cry, he had a sister, she was only 5, where will they get the money from? What were they gonna do? How was he going to continue school while caring for her? He didn’t have the time to sit down and grief, to sit down and adjust. For a child who had a normal life and didn’t have to worry much about the money like every other middle class kid, he was suddenly burdened with poverty AND loss, and duty and responsibility. Good bye to the days of playing with handcuffs and knots huh?

You ask me, why does xqc not have a favorite food? I answer you, because many many nights, he didn’t know what to feed his sister, much less himself. Cause I bet that many nights, he would have to give up his portion for Xie Xue, to make sure a kid like her is full. Cause he couldn’t afford to be picky, couldn’t afford to choose; whatever was edible will be eaten, taste and flavor be damned. He had to start working from a young age, balance school, babysitting and working all at once. The last friend he made (I think) was that Chen Man guy whose parents were friends with his parents, back when they were alive and life was good. He didn’t have time to make friends, or go out, or have a favorite color or visit the zoo and decide on a favorite animal. No, he had to study, and study hard to become more financially stable and support Xie Xue, he had to raise his baby sister and protect her, he had to work or else how will he put food on their table? Yet he never lost his soft kind heart, cause when his sister asked for a laptop, he bought her one just so that she wouldn’t feel less than any of the other children.

Xqc had to SURVIVE, he had to make do with what he had and what he didn’t have. He didn’t have time to sit down and cry or process his trauma, didn’t even have time to think of adolescent love or his youthful days or do what kids his age did. And all of that carried forward into his adult life. He pushed his emotions back so hard and had his practical, business like mind take care of everything in order to make it through the days. He started to believe that passionate emotions such as love and hate and lust and desire were all a waste of time, a distraction from his duties, smth that will rock the delicate balance he created with his everyday busy schedule. Emotions will stunt you, emotions will delay you, crying and not going to work today means no food to feed his hungry sister with. That’s when he started thinking, strong emotions are a DISEASE, they will take up your time, cloud your judgement, have you make reckless decisions that you’ll regret later. And he couldn’t afford any of that right? Strong emotions are for the weak, they put you in crutches and disable you from moving forward. Wasnt that what he told his ex wife? If he had submitted himself to his grief back then, where would his sister be? Where would he be? How could they have grown up to be healthy and successful adults?

So this man taught himself practicality and duty and priorities. He stopped thinking about himself, about what he wants and what he feels, and instead started making sure that those around him are happy and content and safe and well taken care of. He no longer had desires or passions, he only had rules and regulations. If a person lost their sense of taste, would they still want chocolates and burgers? Would they still have cravings and foods they’d rather swallow medicine than eat? No. If so, how will they decide on what to eat every day? They’ll simply start following a “perfect nutritional plan” and “balanced diet”. They’d eat what they have to eat, when they have to eat, and in the exact portion they need. To them eating would be another chore they have to do every day to keep their bodies going. Similarly, with xqc, graduating, working, marrying, taking care of his sister and auntie, these all became “tasks” and “chores” that he had to abide by and follow. They became the dietary plan for his life till he dies, the outline he shall follow, the textbook rules he will carry out, no need to think of what he “wants” or “desires”, what will make him “happy” or bring him “joy”. He no longer listened to his emotions when making decisions. Even when marrying his ex wife, he married her cause she was “a suitable match”, not for her looks or personality or anything. Feelings are life’s taste buds, and once you remove them, everything becomes tasteless and mundane, and practicality/logic takes over. He stopped knowing what it felt like to choose based on your preferences, cause he stopped having the luxury of choice ever since that night when he was 13, and he no longer was able to re-teach himself the meaning of free will and choice.

So when he yu, in chapter 20, asked him how he would’ve acted if Xie Xue had died, and he said, “I would’ve continued living as I am today till my last breath,” he wasn’t being “cold” or “heartless” or “indifferent” as he yu likes to say. He was being practical and methodical and thinking with a logical approach, rather than an emotional one, just the way he taught himself to throughout all these years. His almost 2 decades of pure survival mode and severely repressed feelings spoke in the form of autopilot. “I would do what I have to do, what I’ve always done every day of my life so far cause what choice do I have?” Is what he meant to say.

But I believe that he’s a soft hearted, kind and loving person. He never says no his sister, never says no to his auntie, helped that homeless man as best as he could, taught he yu that he was normal and that he wasn’t a monster, believed in treating his patients with words instead of medicine prescriptions, believed that the mentally ill deserve to live normally instead of being locked up. I believe that underneath all the shit he has buried, there’s a lot of passion and love that’s been kept dormant for 19 years.

In conclusion, idk where meatbun is gonna take his character but I genuinely hope he gets to heal, and start having more color and flavor in his life. Start allowing himself to live, not just survive.

#case file compendium #xie qingcheng #bing an ben #meatbun doesn’t eat meat #cfc #bab #meatbun

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starfire-s · 3 years

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here’s a list of the best, mediocre and worst kdramas i watched in 2020

no one asked for this but it’s happening because i have thoughts (also all opinions are my own if you disagree then get well soon i guess... no i’m kidding make your own posts about it don’t hate me please) ahsjsj anyways click to read a lengthy post and if you actually read the whole thing then thank you i hope you enjoy this wild ride!

THE BEST KDRAMAS -

mystic pop up bar - this show had everything i ask from a kdrama literally i can name it all found family (to real family), well thought out characters, a mystery plot, special effects, soft romances that were well written, a happy ending! no show in 2020 even comes close to how good this one was! the writers literally guided you throughout the whole thing so you could come up with theories and didn’t do a ‘aha! gotcha’ thing where they want to prove the audience wrong but they wanted us to be right and satisfied! the worst part about the drama is that it’s still so underrated and people just brush it off as some random fantasy show but it’s so much more than that! 1000/10

flower of evil - who doesn’t want to see lee joon gi being the son of a serial killer, living with the name of a man who is in a coma, and hiding his real identity from his wife who is a detective? this show constantly had me at the edge of my seat on a weekly basis so the emotions i went through while watching this are unparalleled! the writers also did such a good job on writing a coherent story that made sense and tied up all the plot points in the end. just a really satisfying show to watch! 10/10

where your eyes linger - i literally bought a $8 viki pass to watch this show so it should tell you everything you need to know about how i feel ahsjsj the episodes were 10 minutes long but we got a good story with well written characters who got character development in a total of 80 minutes it’s insane! honestly it’s still hard to believe this show had rookie actors because they were just so emotive that you could feel all the happiness, sadness, yearning and pining! probably one of my fave kdramas this year because of the acting that i always constantly rewatch! would recommend 10/10

crash landing on you - okay so this drama was actually released on my birthday last year and it was a time in my life when i was going through a lot so maybe it’s the comfort this show provided me through that time this is why i have such a soft spot for it? like the romance was good, it was funny, there was found family, the nk soldiers were all softies, there were strong female leads, soft male leads!!! ahh!! no other show on this list made me think about the unification of south korea and north korea irl because i wanted se ri and jeong hyeok to be together 4ever! but the only issue i had with this show was the ending they gave seung jun if they didn’t do that i’d give this show a 10/10 but just for that they get a 9/10

psycho but it’s okay - this was one of those shows where you’re literally like ‘wow everyone here needs therapy’ but this show was amazing i loved the story telling and how each episode related to children’s book/fairytales! the writers also did a good job with how carefully they talked about mental health in depth without villainising their characters but actually tried to make the audience understand why they were this way which included all the side characters too who had a well thought out story in each episode! also the dynamic between moon young, kang tae and sang tae was everything to me the actors all did an amazing job portraying their characters, it truly was a healing drama. the only thing i didn’t like about this show was the whole plastic surgery plot with the mother like that was very far fetched but it provided drama so i’ll let it slide because the rest was amazing. this show is a solid 8.5/10

18 again - another underrated gem! who would’ve thought a remake of that zac efron movie could be this good!! lee do hyun stole this show for sure the way he portrayed his character and gave heart eyes to his kids (when he’s only 25 irl was the best thing i saw this year ahsjs) i loved the family dynamics in this show, i loved how it talked about what it’s like to be young parents and how society still think it’s taboo to be divorced! it’s a show that makes you laugh and cry at the same time and that’s why everyone should watch it! however, the biggest clown thing this show did to me though was that i got sls for the first time while watching a kdrama... hwang in yeop if u’re reading this i love u and u deserved better 🤡 that aside this show was a 8/10

itaewon class - i actually didn’t watch this drama as it was airing because i thought i wouldn’t enjoy the plot but when i watched it i binged the whole thing in 2 days and my biggest regret is i didn’t watch it sooner! everyone knows i have a soft spot for park seo joon since he’s my favourite actor i’ve literally watched all his dramas like he could star in the trashiest drama out there and i’d still watch it and be like wow (looking at she was pretty 👀) this show aside from the acting had one of the best revenge plots in a kdrama! just watching a character realistically hustle his way to reach the top while fighting the corrupt man whose son killed his father was so so satisfying to watch! however, the love triangle in this show was questionable idk what they were trying to do with that but it personally annoyed me! but still i’ll give this show a 7.5/10 because i enjoyed it a lot!

do you like brahms? - kim min jae and park eun bin.. that’s all you need to know about why this is a good kdrama! i’m usually not a big fan of melodramas and everyone knows i prefer rom coms but this show was just so perfectly melo that i loved all the angst and pain we got!! also just watching two introverted people awkwardly fall in love was amazing! the characters story arcs were also handled pretty well with song ah finally learning to speak up for herself and joon young learning to express how he truly feels! but... the love square? was probably the most annoying thing the rest in my opinion was nicely done! i know people had mixed feelings about the ending but i loved that after all the pain joon young and song ah went through they got a happy ending together! 7/10

find me in your memory - okay this show started off very slow and it was confusing at the start but as it progressed everything in the plot started to fall into place! i mean this show really took opposites attract to a new level where the male lead could remember every single detail from his life but the female lead had to forget some of her traumatic memories to help her cope with her life! they were also tied together through a mutual character who was a big part of their lives in a different way! just an interesting melodrama with interesting characters i liked it! and moon ga young... i love you queen!!! 7/10

THE MEDIOCRE KDRAMAS -

more than friends - was the storytelling in this show groundbreaking? no. was the acting decent? yes. also probably the main reason i stuck with this show until the end! i think we can all agree lee soo had the best character development on this show he started off as a bad boy who wore one ear stud to actually becoming a well liked character... who else did it like him? no one. also the chemistry between the mains was 🔥 but the second male lead was so annoying is there a opposite word for second lead syndrome because i had that for sure! i think the best part about this show was the people i watched it with on here... shoutout to the five of us ahsjsj also this show introduced me to a talented actor/singer like ong seong wu (y’all know my kpop knowledge is nonexistent so no i didn’t know he was in a band called wanna one) all in all a predictable show but i had fun watching it so 6.5/10

tale of the nine tailed - i didn’t actually watch this show i watched it through gifs and instagram posts ahsjsjs so am i qualified to talk about my opinion definitely no... will I talk about it anyways yes lmao. lee rang deserved better that’s all goodbye and take care. 5.5/10

start up - probably one of the most awaited opinions. y’all thought this would be in the worst kdramas section but i decided to give this show some rights. the show started off strong, lost it’s way after episode 6 and then the last episode gave me what i wanted so i have mixed feelings. the writing was not the best i think we can all agree, love triangle as a plot device? wow so groundbreaking 🤡 the characters on the other hand... i loved every single one of them i mean ship wars? i don’t know her. the show had a lot of potential that was wasted but we also got some cute moments between the characters so there was really no winning or losing with this show? but in all honesty you can’t put a talented cast together like this and then just decide to give the audience a mediocre plot but the writers did exactly that! i think i can redirect y’all to my ‘crimes this show committed’ post for a in-depth analysis. lastly nam do san was a GOOD and REFRESHING male lead and ji pyeong was also a GOOD and FUN second male lead!!! this show gave me the ugliest ship war ever that i was transported back to my high school tvd days so thank you for that!! but the cast was loveable and all had a lot of chemistry together so here’s a 5/10 maybe that's too generous but... i think the reason why i didn't enjoy watching this show as much was definitely because of the tag on here lmao

THE WORST KDRAMAS -

the king eternal monarch - i miss clowning this show so much. the amount of braincells i lost while trying to understand this plot... i should be compensated by the writers. however, woo do hwan was a treat to look at on a weekly basis... however the writers kept decreasing his screen time even though he had a dual role... make it make sense? and i cannot comment on the plot of this show because i still don’t understand anything? also in my opinion tae eul and lee gon were the most bland couple of 2020, there was no chemistry between them and there was just a random kiss in episode 5 and they randomly said i love you... where was the development? also lee gon was soooo boring and such a one dimensional male lead! literally all the side characters were so much more interesting and the cast was good... but this plot. 2/10

do do sol sol la la sol - i wanna fight the writer who decided that the plot twist on the show would be that jun is a minor? i had no expectations from this show but it looked cute and nonsensical but that plot twist made me run the other way so fast that i never looked back! just because jun is a boy they really thought this would be excused like lmao we all have critical thinking skills???? the clown behaviour. a solid 1/10

record of youth - i hate this show so much. imagine not utilising park so dam who just starred in the biggest oscar winning movie to her full potential. imagine just making her a love interest to park bo gum’s character in the year 2020. i watched it up until episode 6 and i kept waiting for her character to get development... but it never happened so i dropped this show. also this show featured the MOST useless love triangle i have ever seen in my life like what was the point? also park bo gum’s characters family was straight up annoying (minus the grandpa) but they got so much screen time like that should’ve been given to park so dam... also villainising a gay side character for no reason at all in the year 2020? this show was a waste of my time i want the 6 hours i spent watching this back. -100/10

backstreet rookie - i watched one episode of this and literally wanted to rip my eyeballs out of my head. idk what ji chang wook was thinking when he signed this drama i think he lost his ability to read because that's the only reasonable explanation for why he chose to star in such a dumpster fire show! this show had a racist character... had a high schooler kiss an adult... sexist jokes... just the worst things you can think of in a drama... this show had it. i still can’t believe so many people watched this show to the point where it had better ratings than pbio... really made me question everyone’s taste? but sorry can’t relate my taste is excellent so here’s the rating this show actually deserves -1000/10

if you made it this far... thank you for reading. let’s continue to love some kdramas together and get clowned by others in 2021! looking forward to it 😅

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harold231 · 3 years

Text

It wasn't real

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Posted: 04/30/2021

Word count: 2.5k

Warnings: None? Maybe a lil angst just a lel bet.

A/N: I think it might be good? Idk You let me know. But like frfr, don't just give me feedback in your mind, put it into words. Also I apparently have a thing for Bucky in a dotted apron soooo yeah.

FYI: time zone/era is open for interpretation. Bucky never became an avenger/soldat and steve isn't part of this one.

The wind that blew around you was warm and sweet with the scent of freshly bloomed flowers. Perhaps it was an act of kindness from some God trying to distract you from the cold bitterness settling into your bones. Closing your eyes you conjure the very memory that left you so desolate.

The sun snuck it's way through the curtains to illuminate the room, effectively disturbing the sleep that you always seemed to be craving. Waking up is always hassle but whenever you remember that you get to spend your day with the only person who tolerates you and you him, getting out of bed is the easiest thing. Bucky is crazy and the damn boy is never in one spot for to long and he always has something to say, but you can't imagine how boring your days would be if you guys had never met. well technically if your parents had never met.

When you were a child you parents had to move to new york for business and they decided that Brooklyn was the place to be. You had been Bucky's neighbor and the first day you guys moved in his mom had dragged him over with the most delicious angel food cake that he so proudly claimed to have made mostly on his own. He just loved cooking and baking since forever, he would tell you that he just liked experimenting with foods but you knew the truth was that the boy liked to eat and didn't have the patience to wait for his mother to come home.

Only a few years after your family had moved to Brooklyn you and Bucky had already built an unbreakable bond. You guys had found a beautiful cherry tree one day when playing tag and had deemed it to be your's and Bucky's spot. Whenever you had a bad day or needed time away from the world you guys would go to the tree and just pick cherries, in the winter time you and Bucky would lay under the tree and kick the trunk so that the snow would fall from the leaves. It was the place where at only 15 years old bucky swore he would open his own Bakery and to quote him "I'm serving my ma's food my way doll, It's gonna be the next best thing to hit New York."

You were laying on the ground with your hands crossed behind your head looking up at Bucky swinging upside down from a branch when he told you all this. You felt something you had never felt before at that moment, looking up at the wild haired boy who loved to eat, loved his family, and had the most ambition you had ever heard from kids your age. Your heart felt full and your cheeks grew warm as you looked up at the same blue eyes you had know for years now, only this time you notice the way they twinkle in the sunlight and how rosy his lips are. Now 7 years laters you and Bucky were preparing to open the very bakery he promised you he'd open. Banners were beautifully strung along the walls and cute retro china was set out, ready to be filled for opening day. There was no hesitation from you when Bucky had asked you to run the bakery with him, you were excited to spend your days with the person you hoped you would spend the rest of your life with.

At around 6:30 in the morning you had arrived at the bakery but it seemed that Bucky had beat you to it. The smell of fresh angel food cake and cocoa danced up your nose as soon as you opened the door. Closing your eyes you smiled at the memories that it brought back. Moving to the back you grabbed your Disney themed apron and placed your bag and coat in its place before scurrying over to the kitchen while trying (and failing) to tie your apron. There in all his dorkiness was Bucky wiggling around to the chordettes. He knew that you loved the 50's aesthetic so he found a way to incorporate it without going overboard, by adding little trinkets, a jukebox, and even those cute little dining tables. In fact at the moment he was wearing a ruffly red polka dotted apron as he frosted some cupcakes.

Apron tied, you were finally ready to get to work. You walked up to Bucky bumping his hip as you reached for some cupcake pans, "Whatcha doin here so early Buck, we don't open until 12" he looks at you with squinted eyes, "The hell are you doing here so early." "Woah,woah,woah completely unprovoked. I'm just saying cuz' you were the one complaining about the opening time being set at 8. Like damn." Breathing out a huff of air he wipes his forehead with a towel "I'm sorry doll, I'm just super nervous and I couldn't sleep so I came to start baking things. I already frosted the ice cream cakes and I just finished the pies, but I was thinking that maybe we needed some cupcakes too, even though we already baked so many pastries and stuff last night I'm worried it won't be enough."

Setting down the trays you move to hug Bucky from behind holding him close to you. "Buck I know we'll do great your food is too good to pass up on especially when it's free." You place a soft kiss to his shoulder " I promise you'll do great, everything you do is amazing you try your hardest at everything Buck, You've worked your butt off and made mine considerably larger to get here, don't start losing your mind on me now." A cute little laugh from Bucky lets you know that he's hearing you and he isn't so stressed anymore. "I just want this to be perfect ya know?" with your head still against his back you nod, "I just want it to be a special day for my special girl."

You couldn't stop the slight blush that rose to your cheeks or the way that your heart suddenly started beating three times faster. You had also wanted to make him something special which is why you had got here so early. Finally releasing your hold on Bucky you straighten your apron out before gathering everything you need for some red velvet cupcakes. Bucky loved your red velvet cake so you loved making it for him. After hours of mixing, baking, and frosting had passed, you guys were rewarded with a bakery that looked as great as it smelled. "Alright doll, I'm heading out, I gotta go get ready. Meet you back here at 12 , Love ya." He didn't even give you a chance to answer as he ran right out the door. "Love you too."

You had stayed behind just a little while longer as you perfected your secret project. Carefully you added snowflakes to some of the cupcakes because you knew how much he loved snow even if he hated winter, some cats, flowers that reminded you of bucky, and one extra special cupcake. When you finish you decide to clean up a bit more and prepare some drinks for later before heading home to get ready. As soon as you got home you took a shower and did the simplest of make up with a light pink lip. You had decided to wear a dress to match the blossoming flowers that spring had brought. Pink with a yellow lace trim and flowers embroided all over the dress, matching it with some yellow flats.

You had decided that it was a perfect day for a walk so you grabbed a light scarf and slung it over your shoulders, grabbed Bucky's cupcakes, and headed over to the bakery. You felt as if a Hundred pounds had been lifted from your shoulders knowing that Bucky had felt the same way about you. You had decided that you would tell him today with your special cupcakes. As you rounded the corner you felt giddy and you couldn't wipe the smile from your face no matter how hard you tried. As you reached the bakery you saw that a majority of the people had already arrived and you knew that it would put Bucky at ease to see all the people enjoying his food. You stopped at the window, closing your eyes to take a deep breath to prepare yourself to join the celebration.

Opening your eyes you reached for the handle only to stop at the sight on the other side of the door. Bucky stood there arms wrapped around a woman eyes locked on hers as he leaned in for a kiss. It must have all happened in about 30 seconds but it felt as if time himself had slowed it down for you to watch the way he tilted her head and ran his tongue along her bottom lip before finally uniting their lips. Your heart dropped as quickly as your smile did and suddenly you felt so stupid for thinking this could be real. You willed yourself not to cry as you allowed your legs to carry you anywhere but there.

That's how you found yourself sitting underneath a blossoming cherry tree. A tree that held only happy memories because it wasn't a place you could be sad... back then. With your back against the tree and box of cupcakes full of unrequited love in your lap you realize how much you over romanticized Bucky. Opening the box you decide it would be a shame to let them go to waste. The first one you grab has a big red heart frosted in the middle, you let out a deep sigh before breaking the cupcake right down the middle. You shove half of the cupcake into your mouth and only then do you allow the tears to fall. You sat there for hours crying eating cupcakes, watching the sunset, and thinking about everything that Bucky did for you, as a friend. You realize you had no right to be angry at Bucky, after all you never told him how you felt you just assumed that he would feel the same way after so many years. With every broken memory another cupcake vanished.

He was always there for you, when no one wanted to come to your slumber party Bucky did and he even did all the girly things with you. Painting your nails, doing your hair, watching chick flicks, and pillow fights. once he even asserted that no one could protect you as well as he could, when you had decided to go camping with your friend from class so he insisted on taking you himself. Your friend was most noticeably gay so you had assumed he wanted to spend time alone with you. But now that you think back on those memories these are things that anyone would do for their bestfriend. And that's what you realized 8 hours and 11 cupcakes later.

The moon floated above you and as it's white rays settled upon the lake you decided it might be time to go home now. You get up and dust your dress off before leaning down to grab the mostly empty box. Turning around you are stopped again by what's in front of you. Bucky stands there brows furrowed as his eyes flash from you to the box in your hands. "Where the hell have you been, I've been calling you all day." swallowing the lump in your throat you go to answer but are interrupted. " everyone's been asking me about you all night and I had no damn idea what to tell them, but apparently you were just out here being inconsiderate. You go and tell me I can do great tonight, that you'd be there for me, but you weren't." You try to answer him but are again interrupted. "You could have told me something earlier instead of leaving me there like a dumb-" "SHUT UP!" this time it was your turn to interrupt him.

Taking a deep breath you look into his eyes before explaining. "Of course I was ready to be there today, you think I wore this dress to sit under a damn tree? Well I didn't. When I left my apartment I was ready and I was excited, so excited. I couldn't even stop smiling on my way over, but then I got to the shop and I saw-" Immediately you stopped as you realized what you were about to say. He cocked an eyebrow and shook his head slightly as if to say 'Hello?' "You saw what? What did you see that would make you abandon ship just like that?" Shame flushed through your being and you could no longer keep eye contact. "Nothing, you know what, it doesn't even matter. I'm sorry I was being dramatic I should have been an adult and dealt with it on my own time. And I'm sorry I abandoned you all, but the night was about you anyways."

"The night was supposed to be about the both of us so it does matter if you saw something that made you want to leave. Just tell me doll, what did you see?" his voice is soft as he pleads with you. "I saw... well I saw you kissing that lady and I just wanted get away and ended up here okay!?" You said it all in a jumble hoping that he wouldn't be able to understand what you had said. But luck wasn't your friend so of course he did. "So seeing me kiss another person was so gross to you that you had to run away, what the hell? are you 13 again?" You hadn't admitted it outloud yet and it seemed that the dumbass in front of you was going to force it out of you.

Stepping around Bucky you pull your scarf tight around your body as you focus on not crying anymore until you get home. You distract yourself by thinking of all the love you saw in all the little things Bucky did for you. Dancing around the newly furnished bakery body against body as frank sinatra brought you heart to heart, watching rom-coms and ugly crying together, but by the time you get home you force yourself to face the ugly truth. The Love was always in your head. It wasn't real.

A new wave of tears blurred your vision as teardrops fell perfectly to the ground. "It's because I have feelings for you Bucky, and I now know you don't feel the same way." Sniffling you don't bother looking up because your heart is to broken for that right now. "I'm Just gonna need a little bit of time and I'll be back good as new like nothing even happened." Still unable to lift your gaze from the ground you decide to focus on the last cupcake left in the box. 'I Love You' is written in tiny light blue frosting letters. "I uhm, uhh." That brought your attention to Bucky, as embarrassment pulsed as strong as ever through your veins. " You don't have to say anything Buck, It's fine, I'll see you next week, on monday" you hand him the box as you go to pass him "I think you would have a better use for this than me I ate 11 others already so."

Divider credits: @firefly-graphics

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elliotapricot · 3 years

Text

My Anime 9/10′s

With probably no spoilers cuz I don’t wanna talk too long about them zzz.

1. Fullmetal Alchemist

YALL ALREADY KNOW THIS A 9/10. The only real reason this show is not a 10/10 is because it’s just a story that I’d never rewatch. There’s like 70 episodes, which is way too long for my short attention span, especially since I’ve seen it already. But yeah, by all accounts, this story is a masterpiece and is one of the only “shounen” anime’s that I genuinely enjoyed. No random sexualization. No dumb filler. All the characters have an actual purpose and role in the plot and everyone has their own morals and ideals that interact to make the story interesting. I couldn’t bring myself to really hate anyone, even the villains, because everyone was pretty well written. Also super satisfying ending that ties up everything properly without leaving me confused or upset. If you only watch a few anime in your life, Fullmetal Alchemist is pretty much a MUST WATCH to see a beautiful example of a modern classic anime as an artform. Also I should say that I really don’t like Hunter x Hunter (AN EXTREMELY CONTROVERSIAL OPINION BTW) but I love Fullmetal Alchemist so take from that what you will.

2. Parasyte: The Maxim

Same kinda shit where you already know this a 9/10 for me. It’s just a very satisfying anime that doesn’t have random sexualization or random filler or anything like that. Ending is also very good and ties up the story in a way that doesn’t leave more questions but also allows the characters to have a “life” outside of the scope of the story. I think Parasyte, because of its more horror and psychological-esque vibes, counts as a seinen and not a shounen, so for more mature audiences. I also really liked how the story was successfully adapted to modern times since the manga is from the 80′s. I have actually rewatched this anime, but what stops me from giving it a 10/10 is a few things that I found kinda “stereotypical” that I don’t wanna discuss further too much cuz it’s spoilers. I still obviously really like this anime and highly recommend it.

3. Zankyou no Terror

TBH, this anime is pretty hard for me to properly describe in a lot of words as to why I like it. The art was really pretty as well as the music, which was just straight up amazing. The cinematography of this anime is excellent as well, and a lot of scenes have that sense of being acted out by real people, as opposed to feeling completely drawn/animated. I was a teenager when this anime came out and I think a lot of the themes presented in the show really related to me. The show does kinda have some leftover questions when it ends that prevents me from rating it a 10/10, but I have such a soft spot for this anime. It’s from the same creator as Samurai Champloo and Cowboy Bebop, and although those two animes are also very good, they did not impact me as much as this anime did. Recommended for people looking for idk something that gives off Inception vibes?? In the sense that it’s much more about its themes and its message more so than the believability of the events that occur.

4. Magic Kaito 1412

THIS IS JUST A PERSONAL PREFERENCE BTW LOLOL I DON’T KNOW ANYBODY WHO’D PUT THIS AS A 9/10 ANIME. I JUST REALLY LIKED IT OKAY. It’s made by the same person who does Detective Conan but I like this a lot more because it’s a much shorter series and slightly more mature (more for teens than just straight up kids). I really liked the main guy, I think he’s funny and charismatic. He’s a pervert at times but Imma forgive that cuz of the 90′s. Idk it’s just a really fun anime that I don’t have to take seriously and can just watch and enjoy.

5. Mob Psycho 100 (season 1 AND 2)

Imma put season two as slightly better than season one. So season one would be like a 9 and season two is like a 9.25 for me. Super super funny anime and I like it SO much more than One Punch Man. I liked that there was a good balance of serious moments, but you can definitely still count this anime as a comedy. I’m typically not the type to watch “comedy” but this anime genuinely had me laughing out loud, while also crying and freaking out right alongside the main character. The main guy is super great because he’s just this shy and sweet middle schooler, and it’s really interesting watching him balance trynna have a normal life while also using his powers for good and such. Apparently the anime was decently faithful to the manga and there’s apparently enough material for a third season so I’d be pretty stoked for a season 3, but season 2 ended on a pretty good spot and was satisfying. TBH, if I had the time, I’d probably rewatch both seasons and bump it up to a 10/10.

6. Vinland Saga

This anime is just the first season of what I hopes to be a whole series that will be stay beautifully and faithfully adapted from the manga. As someone who read very far into the manga (but quit like years ago simply because I hate slow updates lol), I actually didn’t enjoy watching the anime at first. I was impatient and kept waiting for when like the “major” events would happen. So I watched like three episodes and quit. But when I had some free time, I decided to get stuck in and commit to watching the whole series and I was so pleasantly surprised with just how good it was. I was impatient but I needed to realize that there is no “filler” or like “wasted time” in the entire anime. I hadn’t read the manga in years, so so many things were only vaguely familiar but I think this helped me stay surprised and excited throughout the anime. I’m looking forward to the rest of the manga being adapted because it’s just a good Viking saga lolol. Major themes of stuff like growing up, violence vs. peace, what it means to be a good person, etc. Lots of blood and LOTS of violence like a LOT they are VIKINGS CMON but tbh not really any gore which I liked cuz gore makes me ughhhh. A very good watch and only a taste of an excellent story.

7. Demon Slayer

It’s just Demon Slayer duhhh. Of course this a 9/10 for me. I don’t wanna write much just cuz the show is so popular. Just read a REAL review of this anime somewhere else lmaoooo. Also yes I did watch the movie in theaters and yes I liked it a lot as well mmkay. I’m mad hype for season two. My S/O doesn’t like Demon Slayer as much as me, but also has Hunter x Hunter as their all time favorite anime. Do with that information what you will lolol.

8. Attack on Titan Season 3 Part 2

Same shit as Demon Slayer. Just go read someone else’s review about why it’s so good lol. Also, unlike Mob Psycho 100, I can’t include all of the seasons in this, because I have very various opinions about how good/bad the other seasons were. But this season 3 part 2, was just plain and simply amazing. While I might not like each season equally, as a whole Attack on Titan is also a modern masterpiece of storytelling. Read the manga if you can.

9. Great Pretender

I love this anime so much. Such a good and fun wild ride. The whole show is ridiculous but in a fun way. I’m a HUGE fan of heist films, so of course I absolutely enjoyed a heist anime. I’ve watched this show in sub AND dub, due to the fact that everyone is “technically” speaking English the entire time. If you’re a purist, just watch in sub OR dub cuz I did get confused here and there, especially when I would go back to compare language discrepancies. Because basically I did this super high maintenance thing where I switched back to Japanese whenever the main character had flashbacks, since he’s ya know, Japanese. The dub also has this confusing thing where the first five minutes or so are still in Japanese, but switches to English when a little cue card on the screen goes “For the Viewers sake, everything from now on will be translated to Japanese.” It’s cuz in the sub, the inverse obviously happens where the characters are initially speaking broken English to each other, but for convenience sake, everything from that point on will be in Japanese. It’s confusing at first but I liked it cuz it just proved the whole international vibe of the show. It’s funny either sub or dub when they joke about how bad the main guy speaks English, cuz in the dub he’s speaking perfect English, while the sub has him not speaking English at all. But anyway, great anime that WOULD have gotten a 10/10 if not for the last episode. Like without spoiling ... WTF WAS THAT LMAOOOO. The anime as a whole is super wacky and zany but at least I could try to think it’s real life, but that last episode was just so unbelievable and bizarre and pulled my suspension of disbelief into the STRATOSPHERE that I just had to convince myself that this show takes place in some improbable alternate reality where something like what happened in the last episode is at least 5 percent possible CUZ HOW DID ANY OF THAT WORK LMAOOO??? Once again, great show, one of my absolute favorites, BUT THAT ENDING THOUGH WTF.

10. BNA

Good super underrated anime that I don’t hear people talk about at all. If Beastars is anime Zootopia, then BNA is Disney Beastars lmaooo does that make sense? It’s a lot more fun and zany than Beastars and I liked it way more. Made by the same people who made Kill la Kill. I really like that more classic, animated “cheap” art style that the anime has, and I also really liked the plot of the story. Not a 10/10 cuz the show does leave a few unanswered questions at the end of it, but this show was such a fun and interesting ride. When I finished the last episode, I was left with a big smile on my face because I just genuinely enjoyed this anime. Recommended if you wanna watch something a little unique and more on the silly and wack side. Talks about some serious stuff, but luckily the show never takes itself TOO seriously, and remains overall lighthearted for a fun action/sci-fi show.

#bna #attack on titan #parasyte #anime review #myanimelist #great pretender #demon slayer #vinland saga #mob psycho 100 #anime #fullmetal alchemist #terror in resonance #magic kaito

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windsweptlassie · 3 years

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On Love

So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners:

Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible

Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything

Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.

El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh

Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college

A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited

Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me

Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love

to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:

Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.

H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour

Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart

Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet

O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D

to beautiful quotes:

Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN

Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)

Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things

Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mary: "Love is watching someone die."

Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"

Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"

V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?

Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!

Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka

Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention

to practices of love:

Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro

A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.

L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.

Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)

Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift

Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.

Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random

Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror

to crushes and potential loves:

Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.

Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine

Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants

Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else

Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes

Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still

Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me

to the trials of love:

Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk

Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it

Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.

Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love

L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start

Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him

Sean: Good luck it dont exist

Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3

13: I don’t know anymore

M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol

to beloved characters:

Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension

Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love

to advice and prose:

Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...

Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.

Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love

H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love

Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures

Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others

to the small, the simple, and the sweet:

Ireal: Poems

O: Flowers

Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.

Ad: we love LOVE

A: <3

Isak: small things

H: intense

Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away

S: her

E: <3

Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^

Catboy: wholesome

J: i love love so much it hurts

Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3

Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great

Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring

M: i love love

to food!

Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!

Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?

and animals too <3

Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!

96: raccoons ????

DJ Big Penis: cats

:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,

I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.

#on love #love files #uquiz #mine #shut up queenie #long post

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koreanmadeingreece · 3 years

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Why, why, why (10)

University student!Yuta x reader

Genre: slight enemies to lovers au, a bit of angst, a lot of fluff, and several mixups

Summary: You just got into uni and decided to move in with your childhood friend!Taeyong at the city where you are going to study. As you’re about to start your new, adult life, you meet his friends, and you realize that not everyone likes you. Nakamoto Yuta in particular almost seems like he hates you.

A/N: In this fic, Jonghyun from NU’EST appears for a while (just to avoid confusion). Also we’re so close to the end guyyyyys!!!!

Warnings: Some making out hiiihihihiihihi (also I think some fu and shi words?)

Word count: 1.7K

Part 10/11 (I think) First / Previous / Next

Taglist: @melitadala @chxotickpoptrash @aiforyuu @fineapplehoe (let me know if you’d like to be tagged!) (also idk a friend informed me that my tags weren't working so I'm redoing all of them in all my posts sorry about thaaat)

During the next few days, you barely went to your classes. You didn’t want to see anyone. You didn’t even spend much time with Taeyong, as he reminded you of what had happened. You took a few days to yourself, just to let yourself calm down after the storm. After about a week, you were ready to come back in touch with the rest of the world.

On Monday, first thing in the morning, you stopped by the café where Jonghyun worked, and got your regular coffee. By some sort of miracle, there wasn’t much work, so he was able to steal a few minutes for you.

“Jonghyun,” you said.

“Yeah,” he replied, noticing how you got all serious.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For disappearing this week.”

“It’s okay. It happens. I just need you to be okay and to tell me if there’s anything I can do to help.” He was reassuring towards you, even though you had practically ghosted him all this time. Sure, you texted a few times, but you were never actually there.

“Can you be any more perfect than you already are?” you joked.

“Only when I’m with you.”

It was true that you were dating for almost three months and things had started to get more serious as time went by. For the next few weeks, you tried to spend more time with him, inviting him over to your house when you knew Taeyong wouldn’t be there. Thankfully for you, he had a busy schedule as a third year. Sometimes you knew he went out on purpose, just to leave the house for you. He was the perfect friend.

At the same time, you had started seeing Yuta less and less. You tried not to be home when you knew he’d be there but tried not to be entirely rude and saw him every now and then at uni or sometimes you stopped by when the guys were out. You kept your distance, to keep things from going the wrong way.

You knew that Yuta probably wondered why you stopped seeing him so suddenly. You trusted that it would be forgotten as time went by, and that you’d eventually find a way to casually coexist around each other without fighting or disrupting your well-being. Because that’s what it was, a disruption. Before you even came, he was fine, and you were too. Before you decided to get to know him, things were quiet. Sure, you fought sometimes, but nothing happened.

You had fucked up, and you knew it pretty well. Sometimes you’d see Yuta around uni, talking to his friends or heading to a class, and he’d steal glances from you. He’d slow down his walk to see if you’d talk to him, but you rarely did. You noticed how every time he waited for you, but you never gave him any attention. You hated to do this. You didn’t want to avoid him either. But, with the way things had turned out, you didn’t have any choice.

A few days later, you finished class earlier than usual and found Jonghyun at uni. His classes were over for the day, and you decided to spend some time together. You invited him over, as you knew Taeyong had at least one more class before he headed home. In that way, you’d spend about three hours alone and you’d have the house to yourselves. Both of you wanted some alone time, considering that your relationship was more stable than ever. Jonghyun was happy to follow you home. You opened the windows to get some light in and brought him a cup of his favorite tea. You sat for a while, discussing how your day was, when he decided to put some music on. It was a relaxing playlist with artists that both of you liked.

You sat next to each other on the couch, your legs on top of his lap. When his hands started caressing your legs, you knew it was time for more. In a quick movement, you climbed on top of him, spreading your legs on each of his sides. You placed your lips against his, slowly luring him into your mood.

“Wait, what about Taeyong?” he asked, as you were in the living room.

“His classes end at 8PM. Don’t worry about it.” You continued kissing him and started to grind on his crotch.

He was eager to respond, slowly starting to suck your neck. “I want you, Y/N.” You loved how his voice sounded when he whispered to you. You felt wanted, desired.

You didn’t waste any time and unbuttoned his shirt, seeing his bare body underneath you. You loved the sight of him desperately wanting you, panting from the excitement. You let him take off your shirt as well, and briefly got up to take off your pants as well, staying in your underwear. You sat on top of him again, somehow embarrassed by the way he was looking at you. He glided his hand from your chest to your stomach, admiring how you looked, then went lower, getting it inside your panties. You wanted him, and moaned his name as his body touched yours, his fingers inside you. His lips went from your neck to your chest, sucking your skin. You were ready, and you wanted him. For the next few seconds, all you wanted was him.

~ ☼ ~

Taeyong decided to skip his last class and head home early to rest. “Yuta, are you coming?”

“Sure.” And so, the guys headed home in Yuta’s car, since Taeyong asked him to help with some stuff he needed to carry. Yuta parked in front of the house and got out of the house to help Taeyong.

“I’ll bring the stuff. Can you go unlock the door for me?” Taeyong asked, giving Yuta the keys.

Yuta went ahead and unlocked the entrance door, then went up to your apartment. When he realized what was going on in the living room, it was too late.

~ ☼ ~

You moaned Jonghyun’s name, as his fingers worked magic inside you.

“Y/N are those-” Jonghyun had heard the keys on the door, but the damage was already done. Yuta had walked in, seeing you on top of Jonghyun, him sucking your breasts. He froze. He looked you dead in the eye for a second that seemed like eternity, and walked out of the door, closing it behind him. You immediately got up and put your clothes back on, leaving Jonghyun alone to get dressed too. You stormed out of your apartment, only taking your keys with you.

“Taeyong,” you said as you saw him at the entrance, “where’s Yuta?”

“Y/N what happened? I sent him to help me, and he came back running. He didn’t take his car. I think he left.”

“Fuck, Taeyong.” You went towards the street to find him, but he had already disappeared.

“Y/N, tell me.” Taeyong approached you.

“I screwed up. He saw us, Taeyong.”

“You mean, like, walked in on you?” he asked.

“Yeah. I thought you’d finish at 8. Fuck. I should have asked.”

“Whatever’s done is done now. Go to Jonghyun and I’ll find him, don’t worry,” Taeyong said, giving you his stuff. At that moment, you knew you’d have to give Jonghyun an explanation. You didn’t know what to say though. Why did you storm out? Why did Yuta run off and why did you chase him? Suddenly, it hit you. You were wrong all this time. Jonghyun wasn’t the one who you wanted to spend more time with. Jonghyun wasn’t the man you actually wanted.

You went back inside, determined to clear it all up. It was your fault for not seeing this earlier anyway. “Jonghyun, I need to talk to you.”

“I was wondering how long it’d take you. Apparently around three months.”

“What?” you asked, surprised.

“At first I didn’t know, I noticed it at the movie night, but I wasn’t sure.” He paused. “I brushed it off. I thought I was just misreading things. When you stormed out right now, that couldn’t be my misinterpretation.” He grabbed his jacket and headed to the door.

“I’m sorry,” you said.

“It was amazing while it lasted.”

“Yes, it was. You are perfect, Jonghyun, but I’m not the one you should be with.”

He smiled at you. “I know. I just would have appreciated it if you had told me sooner.” He was right, and he had every reason to hate you.

“I didn’t know myself.”

“More like you didn’t want to admit it.”

“Yeah, that too.” You paused. “I’m sorry. Again.”

“Yeah.” With that word, he left you alone in the living room. You hoped he’d called you names, cursed at you, but he didn’t. That was partly the reason you were more certain than ever about your choices. You weren’t madly in love with each other, and no matter how perfect your relationship was, you couldn’t have stayed together for much longer.

You grabbed your phone. You called him, but he wasn’t answering. You called Taeyong. “Where are you?”

“I went over to Yuta’s. He’s not here.”

“Fuck. I called him and he’s not answering either.”

“I know. I called him too. Don’t call him for a while, and maybe he’ll reach out to me. I’m coming back in a few minutes.”

Taeyong opened the door and found you crying on the couch, waiting for him. “I fucked up, Taeyong.”

“No, don’t cry. We’ll find him and we’ll settle it, okay?” he wrapped his arms around you.

“I’m a horrible person. And stupid. It was him I liked all along and I blew my chance.” You leaned on his shoulder and stayed like this until you calmed down.

The next morning found both of you sleeping together on your bed, just so you had company to get through the night. You opened your eyes, your head hurt from all the tears you shed the previous day, and you knew that Yuta would be in a similar state if not worse. You were determined to end this once and for all.

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