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yourmomsawh0r3 · 6 months

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the era’s tour

pedro pascal x f!reader

18+

summary: y/n is the opener for taylor swift on the era’s tour, pedro gets to see what it is like behind the scenes

face claim: sabrina carpenter

“hola mi amor” pedro rushes in your dressing home holding a bouquet of red roses

you look at him and then at the flowers and feel the tears starting to spring your eyes.

“bad bitches don’t cry” you start fanning your eyes

“ay princesa don’t cry, these beautiful roses are for you my beautiful superstar” he says

“i love you, baby can you help zip me up?”

“you don’t have to ask me twice” as pedro starts kissing his way from your ass all the way to your neck

“fuck i just want to bring you back to our suite and have my way with you” he finishes zipping you up and kisses your temple

“your still staying for my part of the show right?”

“i wouldn’t miss it for the world amor” he said

“y/n you’re on in 15 seconds” your assistant says

“let’s do this shit, kiss for good luck” you say as your husband leans over and kisses you passionately

“knock em dead baby” he said

the countdown started “5…4…3…2…1”

you walked out on stage and the rotary phone prop started ringing

you pick up the phone and say “ hello? oh hi! no i’m like mid performance at the era’s tour, he’s here? omg let me call you back” you set the phone down.

starting your performance.. “think i only want one number on my phone, i might change your contact to don’t leave me alone”

“you said you like my eyes and you like to make ‘em roll” you sway your hips back and forth

starting your choreography with your back up dancers while singing

pedro leans over to the person standing next to him

“that’s my wife” he gleams

fuck she so gorgeous is all he could think

finishing your song “i’ve got a personality but no tits, obviously this songs about my husband, los angeles your energy is big dick” and the lights go out on stage

the crowd was going wild

you performed a few more of your songs

running off the stage, you leap into pedro’s arms

“so what did you think?”

“breathtaking baby. that outro was good but i love your non existent tits”

“okay that was out of pocket you menace” the smirk on your face shows that the sass is real

he picks you up and throws you over his shoulder

you squealed making everyone backstage turn their heads

he couldn’t make it back to the hotel

once in your dressing room, you two were on each other’s like dogs in heat

“ever since you got on the stage i wanted to have you all to myself”

“on your knees cariño”

you sunk down onto your knees, unbuckling his pants and pulling down his underwear

releasing his big dick with tip filled with pre cum

you lick him from his shaft to the tip licking up all of the precum

“fuck, keep going” he puts his hand through a fist full of your hair guiding you with ease

you took a deep breath and took him whole

tears forming in your eyes

“i’m gonna… god … please fuck”

“look at how pretty you look taking my dick”

you sped up the pace and his seed filled the back of your throat

releasing him while he hisses with sensitivity

putting himself back into his pants

“come on handsome let’s go to the hotel so we can finish what we started” you said

walking out of the back of the arena hand in hand facing the paparazzi

you made it back to the hotel

having sweet yet sloppy sex with your fine ass husband.

below i tagged the video of the performance

song is nonesense by sabrina carpenter

youtube

#pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal #frankie morales x reader #javier pena fanfiction #javier peña #frankie morales #joelmiller x reader #joel miller #Youtube

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running-with-the-feels · 3 months

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Reunion part 2!!!

I think I've finally got it mostly worked out so, hope y'all like it (shoutout to @andybeanblog for enabling my nonesense)

Kuai Liang and Frost sit across from each other at a low table, steaming mugs of tea in front of them.

Kuai Liang: You said your name was Frost?

Frost nods

Kuai Liang: I apologize for my reaction earlier, I should not have called you by that name

Frost, fighting back hope: Why did you?

Kuai Liang: I....

He takes a deep breath, clenching his teeth against the tears that threaten to spill

Kuai Liang: Many years ago, I was on a mission for the old Lin Kuei. I had been granted more leeway than usual so I decided to be reckless and...indulged. I did not realize that I was pregnant until after I had completed my mission.

Frost's eyes go wide as she clenches her hands in her lap, listeningintently

Kuai Liang: I knew what they would do to my child should I go back to them and I could not-

Kuai Liang's eyes slam shut as a shudder rolls through him

Kuai Liang: I could not bear the thought of that. So I ran instead, and I kept running until my daughter was born and I named her Nuan, after my grandmother.

Frost, voice cracking: And then she died?

Kuai Liang, chuckling as silent tears stream down his face: No. She was perfect, down to every last hair on her head. But the Lin Kuei had begun hunting me and there was no possible way for me to keep her safe from them, not on my own.

Kuai Liang wipes his face with his hands as he collects himself

Kuai Liang: I went to Raiden and begged for sanctuary, he was the only person I could think of that the grandmaster feared. I knew that if Nuan was in his care, she would be safe from them

Frost, huffing a laugh to ease the atmosphere: I suppose being a monk is a pretty okay life too

Kuai Liang's eyes slam shut as his shoulders shake, the cryomancer pressing a hand to his mouth to stifle his near silent sob

Frost:.......that's when it happened isn't it?

Kuai Liang, nodding: Raiden refused to provide us both with sanctuary, fearing war with the Lin Kuei so I-.....I made a choice. And I think it was the wrong one.

Frost's eyes widen in shock as she reaches up to wrap her hands around her mug.

Kuai Liang: I left her there, trusting that she would be safe and then, when I went back for her, when it was finally safe enough to- She was-

Kuai Liang cuts off with another strangled sob

Kuai Liang: She was already gone

Frost, voice small and fragile: You went back?

Kuai Liang: The moment I had recovered enough to stand after the Netherrealm invaded and the Lin Kuei imploded, I went back to find her. I knew she would likely want nothing to do with me but I just wanted- just to see her, to know that she was well, to hear her voice.

Kuai Liang takes a deep breath, and then another.

Kuai Liang: Raiden said that she had died years ago, and the bastard didn't even give her a grave

Frost:..........

Frost, staring at her mug: I had a blanket, at the orphanage. It was the only thing I owned, and I knew that I owned it bc it had my name on it

Kuai Liang's brow furrows in confusion

Frost: Every foster family they put me with kept trying to change it, apparently four fucking letters is just too hard to learn to say, but, I never let them

Kuai Liang: Of course not, it is your name

Frost: And it was proof

Kuai Liang: Of what?

Frost, finally looking up to meet his eyes as tears pool in her own: That you'd loved me.

Kuai Liang's eyes go wide with shock and hope

Frost: I always knew that, yknow? Even before I knew my own name, I knew that you'd loved me down to my bones. It was the first thing I knew, the only thing I knew for a fact was true.

Frost laughs bitterly

Frost: And everyone kept saying I was crazy for thinking that but I knew it, I knew. No matter how many times they tried to make me forget it, I knew that.

Kuai Liang stands up from the table, walking around to her side to kneel in front of her.

Frost, crying: And I thought you must've died bc I didn't know any other reason that you wouldn't be there and I-....I didn't want to doubt it, I didn't wanna forget but I was so, so alone and I knew that you'd loved me but sometimes it felt like I'd dreamed that up and I just-

Frost cuts off as Kuai Liang raises a shaking hand to cradle her cheek

Kuai Liang: What was the name on the blanket?

Frost: Nuan. My name is Nuan.

Kuai Liang huffs in relief as he pulls her in for a hug, holding her like he's afraid she'll disappear the moment he lets go.

Kuai Liang, with breathless wonder: My baby. My baby, you're alive.

He presses kiss to her head as she melts against him, beginning to sob

Kuai Liang: I missed you so much, and I'm so sorry I wasn't there.

Frost: It's okay, you wanted to be, I know that

Kuai Liang: I wanted that more than anything, but that doesn't change the fact that I wasn't and I will spend the rest of my life making up for that, okay?

Frost: Okay....Dad

Frost and Kuai Liang both break out in grins despite their tears

Kuai Liang: I've wanted to hear you say that for years

Frost: I missed you too

lemme know if y'all want more of this au (Yknow, since Hanzo helped deliver her in this au, their relationship would probs be very different) and Raiden better watch out bc now Frost has a grudge and a person to blame

#kuai liang #frost mk #trans kuai liang #Lost Daughter Frost AU #mortal kombat 11

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ruthless-rainbow · 1 year

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A Call from the Ocean (Introduction)

Ohmygoodness, you guys, I finally finished my concept art for my big Thiam project and this is the introduction to my latest AU. (This is just the beginning, so I hope you are ready for a bit of a ride. 😅) I am so happy for you all to finally meet my little mer!Theo. 🥺 & Welcome to; A Call from the Ocean Summary; Liam Dunbar likes to think he's just your average, everyday, twenty-two year old guy. A College student majoring in history. Captain and star of the swim team. And seemingly just a happy go lucky person. But if only life were that simple. And for Liam, living with his disorder is anything but. Not everyone will and can understand what it's like living with IED. Forced to explain his outbursts of what others see as irrational anger and feeling like a freak. Liam finds solace and peace in one place. The ocean. He's felt the pull of the sea for as long as he can remember and it's like a second home to him. But could there be something else that calls Liam to the waters edge? Something more that lurks beneath the waves? And somewhere deep under the surface of that very ocean is where Theo calls home. An outcast of his kind, a survivor despite the odds being against him and leader of his small pod of three. Theo wonders if there could ever be more to his cold, painful existence. He wonders if he'll ever know a real life, a life lived and not just survived. He wonders if he'll ever experience a touch that's more than claws piercing his flesh and littering his skin with scars. Theo would give anything to know that there is something out there better than this. ..... A few things about this AU, I love mermaids/merpeople and have always been fascinated by them. So, I really couldn't resist making an AU for my all time favorite OTP. And when I imagined Theo as a mer, I fell in love with him and I just couldn't get him out of my head. I jumped all in and let it consume me for months. 😅 Waiting until MERMAY to finally post him. 💜 I had a lot of fun with his design and I didn't want 'frilly Disney mermaid' vibes. I wanted Theo to be beautiful, of course. But I also wanted him to be just a little bit terrifying. 😅 like, yes, he could rip your throat out and drown you before you can even scream, but he would look so pretty while he does it that you may just thank him for the experience. 😅🤣 Also, yes, I did one of his concept arts twice because I wanted to show the fact that parts of Theo are bioluminecent. I mean, c'mon, Bioluminecense is one of the most beautiful and magical things about the ocean, so it only felt right to make him that way. So I did a 'night' version but I still wanted you to be able to see the colors of his fans in both kinds of lighting. Last but never least, I have a few people that I really need to give a shoutout to for this AU. I was truly nervous about it, so I decided to reach out to a few of the wonderful friends I have made on here to get their thoughts and opinions. I honestly couldn't have made this peice if it wasn't for you all because your feedback and support has been vital for this. And we are talking months of y'all having to deal with my nonesense. 😅😅😅 @sterekshipper-writer, @thiamsxbitch, @sydney-winchester, @wolfboy88, @sapphire-rising-sun, @stitchkiss All of you are so f*cking amazing and I heart you all so much. 💜 I really, really hope you all will like my little mer!Theo and I really hope I will be seeing you again when I post the first chapter to the story in the next few weeks. 💜 Ya’ll . 😘 ✌️💜🌈

#thiam #thiam fanart #theo raeken #theo raeken fanart #thiam fanfic #ruthless' art #mer!theo #mermay 2023 #Mermaids #merpeople #merpeople au #soulmate au #true mate au

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browesishu · 5 months

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Make me cry, make me beg, whichever way you want.

Make me try to forget that you were once someone with a heart that pumped not blood-

but the very essence of hope and liveliness.

Make me miserable, ruin me with your words and actions but hear me out this one time...I would never and ever forget that time.

Make me speak foul words, make me go down a notch of a moralled person but...

If you were ever so kind to me, that memory will forever be engraved in my existence and your story.

×What if it all was fake?×

×An act put on for the people who expected better of me every breathing second...×

×What if I've always been on the wrong side deep inside?×

You may ask...

I would hate you.

And I would not trust you at times.

But what I will do is wait for you to get back to me so I can repay the favors of the past. No matter how you are, or what your thoughts are, good or evil,

I would still like to talk to you if you want me around.

Because I want to know the way you think.

I want to be helpful to someone who helped me...even if it all was a con.

I'm always here to talk.

I just want to be helpful.

_________________________________

I know this all seems like nonesense but I suck at putting my thought with words

(like I'm...awefully bad at it both in speaking and writing)

but it sounded a lot better in my head xo)

_________________________________

#poetry #life #thoughts #original work #love #helping others #poems on tumblr #original poem #writers on tumblr #writers and poets #writers #poets #missing you

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masp161 · 2 years

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Astro Observations #II

Back with astrological observation, part II

I have rarely witnessed a Pisces Moon who somehow didn't hang with many people in a day and fake-pretended to be friendly just to get love and attention, even unconsciously. They rarely ever send back that love and attention, too

Cancer Suns/Mars are either rough or soft in bed. Again, there's rarely an in-between

Sagittarius/Scorpio/Aquarius placements would DIE for their independence, and fight for others'

Your Venus Sign can tell a lot about the body part which people are seeing as attractive in you

Example : if you have a Libra Venus, people tend to look a lot around your waist or hips and find them attractive

Meanwhile your Mars Sign can tell about the body part you may (you may just as well like it) hate about yourself or in others

Example : Sagittarius Mars can have very prominent legs they may feel very unsatisfied with or unattractive with

Your Rising Sign can tell which part people tend to focus on first when they meet you

Example : If you're a Scorpio rising, not only people will notice how dark your facial features look, how dark you look, but they will especially look into your eyes and the intense gaze

Having Virgo in the Big Three makes a person fit to be a motherly parent, regardless of the other signs, unless the other signs in the big three are unable to identify their emotions or be emotional

Every Sagittarius Mercury needs a Gemini Mercury to make sense to the gibberish and nonesense, multi-crossed-path stories they telltale

Imo, no one will ever come close to be as dangerous as someone who's got an Aries/Scorpio 1/3/4/8H Chaos (the asteroid), no matter the other placements in the birth chart. Chaos to me represents the toxic people that pushes us to do unspeakable things, and the unspeakable things we're capable of doing. Aries is abuse. Scorpio is Abuse+Rape. 1H is physical, 3H is manipulative, 4H is apathetic, 8H is sexually abusive/violent.

Gemini is youthful experience, the type of experience you wanna live when you're young, the things you can learn. Meanwhile Sagittarius is older experience, the type of experience you wanna feel when you want to feel connected to the world, spiritually especially. Sagittarius is all about teaching the knowledge gained through life.

I don't exactly know the meaning of the song 'Evelyn Evelyn' but I feel like, watching the lyrics closely, it represents well Sag and Gemini Placements, especially Venus, and their relationship with one another

I feel like demons are more likely to work with Cardinal/Fixed Signs more than Mutable, because Cardinals and Fixed have more drive and hold on to grudges more than Mutable Signs who act then move on

Having an 'unfaithful' Venus and an Eighth House North Node actually makes sense. Eighth House North Node are meant to experience and learn from traumas, yes, but also deep (soul) connections, and most 'unfaithful' Venuses, like Sagittariuses, actually seek people they can feel connected with.

Terminal signs, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces placements, are most likely to endure terrible hardships of life at an early age, hardships that elder people tend to live. Boredom, fatigue, needing peace, money problems, having to bend to society's will, etc...

You might envy more the things in your past life (profession, personality trait, way of living, etc...) more than your current life. That, thanks to your South Node being in the same sign as your Sun Sign, and your North Node being opposite

For example, a Scorpio South Node may, in this current life, lack wealth and has to get it itself, which might have been the opposite in a past life, where money was flowing, but the person did not want it. A Scorpio South Node may also have overspending traits, compared to a past life where it didn't want to spend much or touch it.

(Opposite : Taurus North Node)

A Gemini South Node may want to stay in academics and spend their life inside, as opposed probably to their past life, where they envied culture and travels, discovering things like an old soul (which begs the theory that, when a person finally has gone through every of their lives to live, maybe life becomes simple and easier for them)

(Opposite : Sagittarius North Node)

You feel me? (If you want further info on this about your south node for the south nodes I haven't mentioned, just ask in the comments)

Unlike people's thoughts, I don't think the Opposite Aspects are really as bad as people say that they are. I feel like depending off the planets or asteroids in opposition, it can actually be advantageous

To my opinion, Draconic Birth Charts have way more to say in synastry than a normal birth chart if you really want this person to love you forever. Draconic Birth Chart represent your soul, and so the compatibilities between two people and their Draconics can tell a lot more on a long-lasting effect.

Artists with the same Mars Sign as you are likely to make songs you might relate to in terms of displaying Hate, Anger, Obsession, Intense Emotions and Chase

Pisces Mars people for example can include Adam Levine (ex: Maps and Animals), Billie Eilish (Bury a Friend) or J. Cole (one of his most famous songs being She Knows)

#astrology #astro observations #aries sign #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo placements #virgo zodiac sign #libra placements #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces

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urcharactersclasspect · 1 year

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do you have any musings on the light aspect? you mentioned at one point that people tend to misidentify its presence in their lives, and i feel like it would be an interesting subject to hear you talk about

- maybe an heir of light

This is VERY true. People might be light players, but often times they completely misread how Light works into what they might be.This is, of course, when we are discussing people who ACTUALLY care at all about thinking too deep into Andrew Hussies nonesense enough to wanna classpect themselves seriously for the fun of it like me or others.

I clarify that partially because there are obviously a lot of people who dont try to think too deep into classpects, just get the Light result on a test, and super commonly blanket themselves as Witches of Light or sometimes Sylphs, and it stops at them just liking Aranea or Jade in the comics and slapping their possible aspect on their titles. Theres nothing wrong with that, and people should have fun with classpects and titles and the concepts Homestuck brings to the table however they want to. really, what I have to say shouldnt inherently matter at all if this kind of thing doesnt suit your tastes.

However it should be acknowledged, still, that often times this is the case. this is also a reason my absolute least favourite classpect is Witch of Light in particular - Its very much the MOST popular classpect you will see around for Light players as a whole, whether it be for an oc/character classpecting or a person blanketing themselves as a Witch of Light as some sort of generic Default Light Aspect Haver classpect. You see it, a LOT, and this is acknowledging the fact I also have an OC with the classpect too. Its still an interesting classpect to mess with. So most people could definitely see the appeal of a Witch class, mixed with something like the Aspect of Light.

But its mostly how people see “manipulator of Light” Witch class, and think “i have light aspect, therefore i am manipulator of light aspect” without considering HOW they tend to manipulate the Light around them and what they are really “bent” towards structurally with the aspect in mind.

The biggest issue I think when getting deeper into it, is that, obviously - Most people think their outward interests are actually inherently tied to their classpect. Which I hate to sound like a broken record about this, but its just not true. Not every light player is going like the topic of Psychology and Cosmic Horror like Rose or even enjoy things like History & Theory Speculations like me, Classpects are based on the Archal Type system of how a persons “Story” goes and what “role” they play inside their own personal narratives and which directions they are most likely to pick for themselves and how they interact with a certain aspect that might cling to them as people. in a vague sense, Its how you walk and your reasoning for why you have walked a certain direction, not what food you like and how you enjoy the taste.

Classes are a skeleton structure of a persons character development into an Adult or where theyve gone in their story. This is a very complex way of thinking of it, because humans are complex. Boiling them down into only their interests or just “if you are nice and peppy enough, you are a heart player!” would be not only boring to mull over but it’s just generalizing human beings. Even Andrew Hussies characters have a lot more facets to them the more we learn about them outside a few cliff notes and a handful of their interests in the beginnings - thats for a reason. Its also why, while classpectors can give their 2 cents on a few things, and we can squint and try to squeeze things out of a few different traits, we will never be able to really figure out what your classpect is for you. As Homestuck itself, is, in the end, about kids growing up into adults through different choices and paths theyve taken, the different ways of living theyve had and then they start to see the results of that come alive around them, and even how they effect other people.

An aspect on the other hand, is an aspect in your life thats stronger than the rest of them. Which can be pin pointed a bit easier, sometimes. Which one becomes easier or harder kinda depends on the person in question. Theres lots of variables to this, in the end you will always have only one aspect that trully matches up to you; on the other hand, we have theories of how people can Invert into the oppositional aspect or class, they can mimic and try to “roleplay” another persons class (Vriska does this, Rose does this, Tavros tries and failes to do this) and we also have the fact someone else can rub off on us, causing further confusion as sometimes somebody elses aspect sync can be so strong it masks our own real selves’, overshadowing us. The key thing is, even with real people, there WILL be commonality between someone who shares a full Classpect and the reality is - there are a few general genres of interests that certain people drift towards; With LIght players its blantantly Knowledging seeking and obsession with things of the grandiose; Things like dark Gods or a life as a member of a pirate crew. There will be. and there often times, almost terrifyingly so, are a lot you will probably have in common with someone with your inversion classpect and the same classpect as you as well. There is bound to be common ground. Whether it be experiences, choices youve both made, and sometimes, yes, This means you might share the same interests, but it also means you might have some common ground in how you act more as a whole, how you get A to point B inside your head through subconscious means, and certain choices in your life too that arent all that dissimilar even if there’s still some fracturing as you are still, of course, two separate individuals. Because thats the Character Arch typing root; how commonly some people tend to behave or form into the arch types in question. Similarity and commonality in a story that can be compared and be close to something else that exists but still be something unique in its own contexts. its how you get terms like “herculean story” and the like. Theres commonality in many things between certain kinds of people and how they go about things.

Im being a little vague in some ways - And thats because I dont really specialize in Classpecting real people. Its not particularly the point of the blog. But I obviously deep dive into all this hooplah enough to get opinions on if I think someones godtier appears accurate enough or not (this mostly with those that ask me in private, or people who im actually friends with who i could even give a genuine opinion on)

But the main issue is people boiling themselves down to just small amount of traits they have, or counting exclusively their own interests into certain things, and then deciding thats all there is.

The aspect of light can be kinda tricky, so I dont exactly blame anyone who has difficulty deciphering what the fuck they could be even if they know they are a Light player, and they for sure seem the part at that. I personally went from Maid of Blood > Sylph of Breath > Knight of Space > Maid of Mind > Thief of Heart > Mage of Mind > (almost) Knight of Life > Mage of Light. Trust me, the classpect identity crisis is real. and part of my own was frankly me just hating the light aspect cause Vriska was my least favourite character at the time, even tho Light aspect has always unsettlingly fit me too well no matter which description of the aspect I read. I kinda just tried my damnest to get out of it.Same with mage, I for some reason had this weird distaste for the mage class for no reason at all for the longest time, likely because I knew it was actually painfully fitting given what I had read and I didnt like the call out.

The light aspect is exactly what it says on Andrew Hussies Extended Zodiac Quiz. I hate to say it (not really) but the description of a Light player is me to a T as a person, generally speaking and once this quiz came out I was just straight up called out on it (i was sent the whole description and told its me by several people lol, take with that what you will). While interests themselves can be whatever - one thing every single light player shares is the desire to Discover. They WILL love knowledge for knowledges sake, they will be fussy on the details of things that interest them. Thats stuff thats a given. Our propensity for knowledge is true. So are the facts that most light players probably will be the types of people to chose the least popular “moral” or socially acceptable thing, to possibly get the route they want for the results they might want, making us look self centered or eccentric to most around us.

They might not always be popular, but the things they do tend to get or be to get the results they want when they are pushing for it, as they tend to be correct in their hindsight of what might produce these results. These results are usually knowledge based, or to “get the best outcome possible” in whatever situation they are in. But in a more specific manner I always have some trouble coming up with words to really describe it with.

Its Fortune, Knowledge, Discovery - self awareness, situational awareness of things, Hindsight that others around you might not have, or noticing the little things people miss to point A to point B. Its how bad luck and good luck play into your life.Its literal light, its enlightenment, becoming knowledgeable, etc.

what relationship do you have with Luck? Good? Bad? Do you believe in Myths and such? Like if you walk passed a black cat, do you believe somethings really going to happen to you? do you look at the cat with indifference? Do you air on both sides and take it with caution but say you dont really believe in it, but would “rather be on the safe side” or secretly worry about it inside your own head, but walk passed it anyways? Do you do this about Fae circles/Mushroom rings? Would you take the Fae memes to heart and/or be the type to say “i wouldnt fuck with that real or not”? Would break mirrors on purpose to fuck around and find out? Have you ever broken a mirror, and actually did get a streak of horrible luck thinking nothing of it at first, but now your paranoid of everything superstitious? Theres a lot more questions outside the topic of superstitious beliefs I could ask, but, how you answer things like this, as just an example, can put a more simplistic aim towards what category of class you might have as a light player.

How do these things - The aspects general focus of knowledge seeking, Fortune and misfortune, Awareness, even literal Light or the sun, having attention or spotlight on you in some fashion - play a part into your life? How does it effect the things youve done? your choices? your interests? your thoughts? Your beliefs on folktales or the like? How has Light, impacted you? How much of these focused on things seem to appear or be an occuring theme in your life and how youve grown up? Do you feel a solid connection to the obtuse and figuring things out? thinking abstractly? Or would you rather keep things obtuse and a mystery? Have you ever been on a metaphorical or literal stage for others to watch and criticize you? What part of your life thats influenced how you are now, was surrounded by these themes? when it comes to the types of attention youve been given, would say thats large part of why youd make a choice? Attention, the spotlight? - a result of treasure or a reward you wanted? Have you always breezed through things, being weirdly lucky, but never really noticed till something has jarred you out of it? Do these effects seem to weirdly always rub off on others?

For me, as a Mage, while not special for others when generalizing like this, has always been a mixed bag. Im very conflicted about the spotlight no matter how little of it that i receive, Ive been metaphorically burned before and I easily lose my spoons to be in front of others, and completely isolated myself as a result in the past. Its why this blog is pretty crazy to even have as a Mage of Light, no matter how inactive it gets sometimes cause im focusing on other things. The spotlight is not my natural forte by any means, you could say, but at the same time I crave the attention on the good things Ive done, or something Ive created to have the spotlight. I want success in my endevours and I keep trying. I have a lot of goals to accomplish. LIke comics, to help produce art for a game, to have my concept sketches used for something big some day. Maybe do something with all these ocs I have. But Im also deeply anxious about too much attention at the same time and its stopped me more times than I can count from ever putting the really big things just out there no matter how bad or good the ideas are, Im also talking both good and bad attention, as they are both very overwhelming to me personally, and you can see how that can be a massive problem that conflicts quite a lot with goals like those.

You need to allow the spotlight to be placed on you for better or for worse if you actually wanna do something big. “You need to try in order to succeed”. You have to just push stuff out sometimes to ever get anywhere, otherwise they are all just drawings and ideas in your head and dont exist.

Theres more reasons than that, obviously, that Mage of Light fits me personally. Theres small things too, things that if you were to look up Mage of Light you could easily see on the descriptions people tend to give - My eyes sensitivity to sunlight, my displeasure at getting my photos taken by others ive had since I was kid, the fact Im paranoid about sunburns even if I rarely get them ever, even my sensory issues adding hyper awareness to things im experiecing or touching, noticing things others might miss often or a lot actually, and my absolute sometimes unhealthy hyperfixations / hyper focus/attention on certain things because of my autism could be a pinpointer for me. Along with the negative unwanted attention you get, whenever your behavior or attitude is outside the “norm”. Theres bunches more, some being even more personal I wont be putting here. But how Ive classpected myself is through a fuckton of self reflection on where these themes of the aspect seem to bend around me and my life.And while this all seems very extra, to me, its just done for fun because i AM extra and like thinking hard about these sorts of things, as is my nature to just do so.

As a mage, this means a lot of mixed signals and a lot more negative attention thats screwed me over that ive had to learn from, or a lot of situations where Id have to reconsider how I went about handling the attention Ive received in a way thats more managable for me for the future. I am, however, a pretty “stereotypical” example of what people think Light players are. By far the funniest comment is still being tiold my classoect is “Rose Lalonde, but more depressed”. Admittedly Im pretty default mode, so im not exactly the best choice of example for how each light player can still be “unique” past some commonality or outside the cookie cutter molds most people use for them. But its the best one Ive got for the sake of this topic as I only know myself and what brought me to my own conclusions.

Witches tend to invert, they think they know best about things, and they will pretend to be the opposite of the classpect in order to get what they want or before they are given full access to their Aspect. Jade Harley inverts into a Seer of Time BIG TIME, and its barely discussed in classpecting in my opinion. Witch of Light for instance, for a good portion of their lives could act like a Seer of Void, believing in anti supertitious things or having the mentality of someone who disapproves of thinking of beyond what they see as a blank slate of reality, keeping things at a stand still or “inside the void”. Maybe they have, heaven forbid, a history of certain things like Roxy or Equius do, maybe being ignorant at one point and extremely stubborn with some less than savory beliefs,“I know this thing, so no other variables are real unless I agree”, maybe being elitist or substances played some part in their lives where they intentionally blinded themselves from the truth or decided to stay ignorant until something pushed them out of it.

Heirs are the types to breeze through their aspects and let it lead them on, sometimes without noticing until later. Maybe their the types to have a really really strange amount of luck in really weird ways, and they really never noticed it till some friends pointed it out. Something like “they got struck by lightning....but they survived and won the lottery” cause the reason they were struck by lightening is cause they were somewhere they shouldn't have been during a storm that they dismissed as nothing and had picked up a random ticket on the floor. (could take this metaphorical for various situations, or literal! heirs are weird) Heirs are the opposite of a mage. So there's even less I could say about this one. It gets a bit weird when you're talking about your own inversion with the context of your actual aspect.

Theres a million different ways beyond these.

And so much you can look at for commonality, but obviously I wouldnt realistically be able to go off on EVERY SINGLE thing Ive noticed about certain types of people with these classpects or titles- Thatd be sheer insanity, and Ive already made an essay instead of just giving some musings.But you can see how someone might misinterpret even their own way these sorts of things can be bent for which.

#incoherent rambles #light aspect #classpecting #Classpect Analysis #long ass post #i am warning you all #i am so sorry oh my god

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visionthefox · 2 months

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I definitely think you're right about how Eclipse showed up in the dream, how Sun's mind may be trying to get him to move forwards from old Eclipse, it's also interesting that with Eclipse, unlike the others afterwards, Eclipse just walks out, if this were to happen in reality, the endpoint of development could be Eclipse learning to pave his own way without the twins occupying his mind, and the twins(Sun especially, who was the most traumatized, and Moon's right, Sun doesn't have to forgive him, but they can all still move forward) doing the same...The others...Are a lot more absurd Sun is still visibly shaken and scared of Bloodmoon, as one might expect, though it was funny that Bloodmoon sorta broke the 4th wall acknowledging the real them would probably never apologize, could the whole "maybe one day you'll see us as family" thing is in reference to Sun saying "I would've loved to have another brother" to his hallucination a while back? The Catnap one was...Weird, could Sun either still feel salty about Catnap showing up trying to live there, or conversely feel bad about absolutely going off at them? Ruin's was probably wish-fulfillment, since so far there's been no dice for actually restoring the destroyed dimensions(maaaybe Solar could be brought back in some way but so far nothing on reversing that), also could it be that Moon was functioning as a sort of moderator for Sun's emotions, since he told both Bloodmoon and Ruin, two people who Sun currently has very heightened emotions about, to leave as a way to de-escalate? Sun having no tolerance for the Creator is on-brand, and of course the whole buying Fazbear thing seems crystal clear, I think the point where the dream started going off the rails is when the Creator said he wanted to be their dad again, which is something I don't think anybody wants Then everything nosedives with KC, Sun says that they "moved past" everything but who knows if that's fully true, it's interesting that Moon dips out here, it could be that Moon leaving was the indication that the whole dream/nightmare was about to spiral out of control, with Sun's mind pulling out everybody who he's had negative interactions with in the past, if Moon hadn't woke him up would he have seen other people? I am surprised Old Moon didn't show up or was even mentioned Got a bit carried away with the analysis there, who knows if any of this makes sense What do you think?

(me seeying a long ask _ happy sounds_) oh ye ye! I feel in Sun's very organic mind- he knows he must let go, and maybe deep down he wished Eclipse to change- I mean. solar is an eclipse! Sun knows how bad Eclipse had it- but if Moon did change.. why not Eclipse? simple.. this one? is mean to be the copy of that simple minded personality.. and we saw how much this does affect Eclipse he is- while Sun is dreaming-totally having a internal crisis over what - who he is- is he himself? does he keep playing the act? does he finally break free of the chain of trauma? Sun may want Eclipse to find peace.. is why he made Eclipse be still grumpy, but honest. is what he wish- yet soon the mind ran with these "forgiveness" dream into a nightmare of nonesense- as most dream happend to be now BM! totally forgot they ever said that! maybe you be right- Sun is still deep down a good AI- maybe the guilt over "failing" to help BM still hits him- same as Eclipse, he could have step in- but didnt out of fear.. with BM- I feel is a mix of, VA having fun- but also Sun telling himself "what you want for, is this absurd- people just wont change over night" harsh like BM often is! for everyone, as mentioned, is dream going wild as dream do- Creator saying all of this way maybe some old wished Sun had? yet maybe also a bit of nighmare- having him as a dad is way worst- I think so yea- for OldMoon.. I feel if if the dream continued- he could have showed up, break the 4th wall saying all othe most critics his character had- while also being the final goodbye Sun may still need? ohh anon, I love what you bring to the dream theory~ <3 thanks you so so much!

#sams #tsams #ask #also yea- got lazy with the ask tags let me be #but yea dream theoryyy lets goooooo

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authorchan · 1 year

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Pairings ❁ Tanjiro x Gender Neutral Reader

Cut ✄ from my Fanfic “Hashira Dating Advice” Posted on Wattpad.

✎ a/n: Tanjiro Kamado asks each Hashira for dating advice for the person he is falling in love with. After gathering their wise words he prepares for his first date. Feeling overwhelmed trying to be the best for you. When he comes to the conclusion that he only needs to be himself.

· · ───────── ·𖥸· ─────────· ·

"Tengen! I need your help." I placed my hands on my knees to help catch my breath.

"What is it Kamado? Is there a demon-" Uzui asks.

"No, I… I need dating advice." I admit while bowing at my waist in respect . My hands balled into tight fists at my sides.

The silence makes me question if he is still standing before me. Lifting my head to peek up. Tengen has a mischievous smile, "You've come to the best for advice! Never fear. I'll teach you how to be flamboyant."

Tugging me close to him while squeezing my face’s cheeks with one hand while letting out a laugh. "Young Kamado you will dazzle them. Always smile big when you are around them.

A bead of sweat rolls down my forehead. "Is that how you got three wives?"

Tengen struck a pose with a roar of a laugh. "I am the god of festivals! One of the strongest Hashira. Never fear Kamado, I'll share my advice with you. This will have all everyone crawling to be yours."

Tilting my head to the side, out of confusion. Then taking a deep breath I confess. "I only want them."

His large muscular arm wraps around my shoulder and his face is inches away. "Must be love!" Tengen says with a serious tone as he studies the expression on my face. "First of all, you need to demand a date with them. Dress in flashy clothes! Take them to the entertainment district! A night out on the town will sure end in passion."

My breath becomes uneven and for the first time in a month I lose control of my total concentration breathing. "P-passion?"

Tengen tosses his head back as another booming laugh thunders out of him. "Yes Kamado!" He slaps my back before saying, "For instance, when four people are married and they love each other very much..."

"O-oh... I really don't need those details." My face feels incredibly hot from this conversation.

"Be sure to compliment their body figure." Tengen adds while rubbing the bottom of his chin.

"What are you two talking about?" A sweet voice aka. Turning around to see Mitsuri Kanroji.

"Kamado is in love! He asked me for advice." Tengen announces louder than I like.

Love... is that really what I'm feeling?

"Tanjiro-Kun, how noble of you! To seek out suggestions for the one you love." She quickly wraps her arms around my head pulling me in for a hug. "I'm sure they will be overly charmed by you!"

Mitsuri releases me then her fingers are twirling into the lime green ends of her hair. "Hmm.. All right. I can help you! You should eat a meal with them. Be sure to wait patiently until they have finished all of their food. Give plenty of compliments about their appetite"

"WHAT! No. He should take them out during the night." Tengen argues.

"At night? No. During the sunrise would be best. Possibly a hardy breakfast." Her smile is truly beautiful.

Tengen laughs again "Nonesense! Romance is always in the air at the entertainment district."

Mitsuri puffs her cheeks up with air. Waving her arms around. "Who is the LOVE Hashira here? Me!"

"I'll say this one more time, I am a God! Kamado is better off listen to me." He releases his hold on me to stand tall in front of her.

"He is young and has no business being near that filthy entertainment district." She defends while placing her hands on her hips in a defensive stance.

I slowly began to back away from the tension that is building between the two Hashira. "I know plenty about love, I have-" Tengen starts to say before being interrupted.

"Everyone knows you have three wives Tengen." Mitsuri says standing her ground.

In the distance I spot Shinobu. I begin to sneak away while these two continue a deep debate. Hopefully the insect Hashira can give me advice.

Walking into the opening of the garden. Several colorful butterflies are dancing around. My gaze searching around the florals.

I was positive she was just here.

Her scent ends here...

I can't smell where She has gone.

"Are you searching for me?" Her angelic voice asks. I didn't even sense her presence until she is right beside me. Incredible.

"Shinobu." I whisper in awe of a Hashira's power.

"Oh. Excuse me. I did not mean to startle you." Her smile is always shinning despite the smell of anger. That conversation replaying in my mind from night on the rooftop.

Despite losing her sister and fighting the rage within her... Shinobu always appears cheerful.

"I am searching for dating advice." I announce. There are never puplis within her eyes, only a haze of graditant purple; making it hard to tell where her vision is focusing.

"Advice. Hmm..." She takes a step back and rests her index finger on her lips. "Have you tried teasing them?" She must have read the confusion on my face as she continues to say, "Teasing relieves romantic tension while showing you feel comfortable to say whatever crosses your mind."

"But.. I don't want to hurt their feelings." I confess while trying to better understand the idea of teasing someone you have feelings for.

A giggle escapes her before she adds, "Dating can become tiring, and can often be taken way too seriously. Teasing can help make things more playful."

Her words begin to make sense to me. "I just don't want to hurt their feelings.. I don't want to lose my connection to them."

A butterfly gracefully flies between us and for a long moment I am not sure if she is going to say anymore. "Tanjiro... You have such a beautiful soul... Listen to me carefully. You should love them not because you need them. Instead need them because you love them."

I repeated her words within my mind over and over. Attempting to make sense of what she is truly saying when Shinobu calls out, "Tomioka-San, don't you think so?"

"I envy those who can say romance is easy." Giyuu's voice comes from behind me. I snap my head around to look at him. Again, I have let someone to sneak up on me. I didn't even smell his scent until he spoke.

"Hello Giyuu, what love advice do you have for me?" I give a big smile his way.

If anyone can help, I'm sure it's him. After all he was the one to first defend Nezuko and I. Giyuu Tomioka is a good guy.

"Advice?" He whispers and slowly looking at Shinobu then back to me. His deep sapphire eyes that fade into a pale blue, seem to be focusing on a butterfly fluttering around Shinobu.

She let out a long sigh as she harshly pats his back, "This is why no one asks advice from you."

"At the very least, follow your heart." Giyuu’s face as serious as ever. He ignores her harsh words.

"Huh?!" Shinobu takes a step closer to him. "That is your advice? I was sure you could think of something more complex to say." She waves her hand in front of his face. "Oh come now Tomioka, speak to me. Are you still angry about-"

"No." He mutters which causes her smile to twist into a smirk. "Tanjiro. Why are you asking us for advice."

"I want to show them my feelings are stronger than friendship." I admit with pure honesty.

His emotionless expression as he says, "Why would you come to us for advice?" Giyuu's head tilts a little with curiosity.

"Oh... well" I take in a deep breath before saying "Because you two are in love."

Both of their bodies become very still as if they have been turned to stone. "You are dating each other... correct?" Sweat begins to roll down the back of my neck. "I thought. Your scents have a strong- Wait, I don’t want to offend-"

Giyuu goes to speak when Shinobu covers his mouth with one hand while her eyes narrow at me. "Tanjiro. That is none of your business."

The tension is thick and I try to apologize but I am afraid to offend them. Sharply I bow my body at the waist to symbolize my apologies since my words are failing me.

"Thank you both for the advice!" I straighten myself before turning away from the Hashira.

"Wait Tanjiro." Shinobu calls out while still holding a hand over Tomioka's mouth "A great relationship is made up of two things. First appreciating shared similarities and second, respecting the differences."

Again I attempt to soak in the meaning of her words. "Thanks again!" I flash a big smile. Giving a wave before racing out of the garden.

I hear a loud noise as if a boulder is crashing into something. The sounds coming from the training grounds. I can smell two familiar scents.

Another Hashira!

I wonder if they could spare more advice.

The sound definitely comes from this direction. I wonder along a path until I reach the training grounds. Two high ranking pillars stand before me. Sanemi sitting on a log on the opposite side of the grounds. I hesitate to announce myself while I watch the hulking physic of Gyomei.

Gyomei is training, it is clear his physical abilities are at their absolute peek. He easily lifts and swings his massive spiked flail, connected by metal chains to his axe. Tossing them at high speeds faster than my eyes can comprehend. Watching him train is truly an honor.

"Who is there?" He demands taking a break from wheedling his weapons. Before I can answer the blind man's question, Sanemi is standing before me in a blink of an eye.

"It's Tanjiro Kamado." He hisses my name with a true dislike. I stumbled back a step.

Fast. Incredibly fast...

Gyomei is ridiculously strong.

This is the power of a Hashira

"Ah. Young Kamado. Is your sister still a demon?" It has only been months since I first met all the Hashira. I don’t smell any harshness within Gyomei's words.

"Yes! I believe we are getting closer every day to returning her to a human state." I admit while focusing on the harshia in front of me.

Holding his hands together in a prayer form while rubbing the red beads together. "I will continue to pray."

"What are you doing here. Did you get permission to interrupt us?" Sanemi nearly spitting his words at me with a crazed expression on his face.

I can hardly form my next words. "I'm actually looking for dating advice."

"What! You want us to explain romance!" He is quick to lash out.

"That's so sad. Perhaps with guidance you can confess your romantic intentions. Let us help this child to the best of our knowledge." Gyomei says as he takes several large steps over to us.

Sanemi nearly growls. "What the hell! You truly are this pitiful." Gyomei elbows him which causes a rough sigh to escape before he adds, "Dating advice, huh. Fine."

"The best thing to do is share in admiring living creatures." Gyomei is soft spoken despite his intimidating appearance. Yet I am more confused than before.

"What do you mean?"

"Mitsuri has a bunny rabbit. It is incredibly soft. I am sure if you ask she will allow you to borrow the rabbit. Bring it to the one you adore to share a moment together. It is one of the most gentle creature." Gyomei sounds very serious.

I stood there in shock before I can question the bizarre advice Sanemi chimes in, "Shinobu also owns a goldfish. Perhaps you both could feed it." I don’t sense any humor between them.

"I don't know if.." I start to say in utter confusion still. When suddenly Sanemi's hand slams down on the top of my head.

"Have some respect for Gyomei! You asked and he has given you a brilliant answer. Don't I still owe you for that disrespectful head butt from our first encounter?"

"Me?! I believe I still owe you a head butt for ever time you stabbed nezuko!" I shout back, puffing up my chest as I meet his harsh gaze.

Both of us immediately fall quiet when Gyomei step in-between us. He easily towers over both of us. I let out a frustrated huff before peering around to ask, "Do you have any advice Sanemi?"

I expect him to shout with anger but... his voice is softer, "When you like someone ... don't wait to tell them. No one is promised a long life... if you never say anything and then they die... you'll be filled with regret." His large pale purple eyes focusing on a butterfly flying in the distance.

Did that happen to Sanemi?

I wonder who he was in love with.

"May there be comfort in knowing someone so special will never be forgotten." Gyomei says as tears roll down his face.

I allow their words to soak into my mind. I didn't expect to hear this side of him. "NOW GET LOST. We have training to complete!" The booming loud voice sends shivers down my spine.

There is the Sanemi I am use to.

"Thank you both." I give a bow before heading back to the main estate.

Muichiro is cooing at his crow. Once I get closer I realize his crow is laying on it’s back; like a human baby being held by it’s mother. The mist Hashira is scratching just under his bird's beak.

"Wow! You have an amazing relationship with your crow. My crow, Matsuemon, would never lay in my arms." I am smiling as I continue to observe.

His large misty mint-green eyes appear very dazed. "Relationship?" He muses, “with my crow?"

I remember how light headed he appeared during the Hashira meeting. "Yes. Speaking of relationship. I have been asking everyone for dating advice. Do you have any?"

Muichiro seems to be lost in thought. I am a moment away from ending the conversation when he finally speaks. "Be their friend."

I tilt my head "That's actually really good advice."

"Are you bothering Muichiro?!" The snake-like voice comes from behind me. I turn around to see the Iguro, his arm out reached and index figure pointing directly towards me.

"No" Muichiro defends me while I study the Serpent Hashira. I believe the white snake wrapping around his neck is named Kaburamaru. Despite his short stature, he really intimidates me.

"I have been asking others for advice. Obanai, do you know of any dating advice?" His almond shaped eyes are heterochromia - his right eye is yellow and left a turquoise color.

"Of course I do." His mouth hidden by bandages makes it hard to guess what expression he may be showing.

Muichiro stands beside me as if he is also curious to hear what the advice might be. His crow flies up and landing on the top of his head.

"Try giving the person a gift. Don't pick something at random. Be sure to put lots of thought behind the gift. Something that will bring them joy while also being beneficial." His words are harsh but helpful.

"You need to fully listen to them. When they express a problem they are facing then you must try to resolve it or at the very least give a suggestion." Obanai states then he rubs his head. "This is giving me a headache."

"Thank you. Both of you! I appreciate your help." I give a bow then walk away. My head is also throbbing with all of this new information.

All eight pillars had assisted me today...

if only I could ask Rengoku.

I am purely exhausted by the time I reach my bed. The words of each Hashira echoing through my mind. I have repeated their words multiple times in hopes to remember everything.

Then why do I still feel confused.

I want everything to go perfect.

This person deserves nothing but the best...

I want to be the best version of me for them.

I let out a sigh as I pull back the covers allowing my body to fall. Sleep is what my mind needs now. I rest my hand over my heart. Eight wise people have given me advice but still... I wish to hear from one more.

—————-———Dream Realm————————

Cherry blossom trees as far as the eye can see. Their delicate petals gracefully falling all around.

Only one other standing on this path. There is no mistake, it is Kyojuro Rengoku. His long bright yellow hair with streaks of red appearing like flames down past his shoulders.

I don’t hesitate, running straight for him throwing my arms around him in an embrace.

Tears already rolling down my cheeks. My voice cracked as I said "Mr. Rengoku! I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to save you."

There was no pain within his golden eyes that fade to a red ember. "My young Kamado. Please let go of those feelings. Don't harbor this guilt over the grief. I am at peace. Dying while protecting all on that train, gave me a great accomplishment as a Hashira. Dry your eyes Tanjiro."

I take a step back using my checkered haori to wipe the tears from my face. Through my sniffling I give him a huge smile but before I can speak again;

"Thank you from the bottom of my heart for delivering my final words. Your compassion towards my family is eternally appreciated."

I quickly bow down in respect. "It was my honor. Your Brother is such a kind soul. Even your Father has good intentions."

"How may I help you, young Kamado?"

Looking up at him as my emotions settle, "I am falling in love with someone. I have asked all the other Hashira's for advice. Do you have guidance for me?"

"Ah, love! That is what brings beauty and joy to our fleeting lifespans. Time waits on no one... A true blessing to have found love." His gaze is focusing on the falling cherry blossom petals as he speaks with such a soothing voice.

"Love... it should feel like your heart is their home built just for them. Where both of you can rest together. Free of judgment. They understand you better than anyone. Be there for one another while life is hard."

His enthusiastic smile is beaming, "If you put in your all, they will return that kindness. Whatever you decide to do in this lifetime, you'll be a great person. Tanjiro, do your best!"

My vision begins to blur. "Wait! I miss you. Everyone is missing you." I attempt to stall for time, as I don’t want this dream to end.

"Though I am gone. Those who loved me carry my memory on into the future. Let go of this loss and allow my love to stay."

I can no longer see his figure but I push my mind forward as if trying to race after him. Only coming to a stop as his voice bellows out his final words;

"Do not be afraid to set your heart ablaze."

With that I wake from my dream. Tears are rolling down my face. My hands squeeze the bedding and I smile big at the memories of him.

Rengoku, Thank You.

I will do my best to live this life to the fullest.

I am ready to ask them.

· · ───────── ·𖥸· ─────────· ·

Author-Chan,

Thank you for reading my work! If you wish to hear Inosuke and Zenitsu’s love advice or how Tanjiro uses all of this advice to go on a date with the one he is falling in love with. You can read it on my Wattpad account @ MindfulMoments - the story is called “Hashira Dating Advice”

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shiratorizawa-can-step-on-me · 2 years

Text

Jealousy

(CTTRO: @YHURI ANGELA REYES)

orginal writer/author : @kedreyuri 💖

Yandere Shirabu Kenjirou x Fem reader

GENRE : YANDERE / ANGST / TOXIC <

ONESHOT <

"Who's this Echizen Sukira"

You flinched as Shirabu, your boyfriend asked monotone as he examined the phone's contact number.

"Sh-she's my co-worker at the office.."

He raised a brow not convinced on your statement.

"How would I know if this 'Echizen Sukira' is really a 'She'?"

"C-can't you tell by the name? She has a girl's na-"

Shirabu slammed his hand on the table you two are sitting on.

"Nonesense, Do you know where you are? This is Japan! This is Tokyo! Many of japanese men in here has a girl's name!"

You couldn't do anything but listen.

He scolded you for a while before muting himself to scroll further down on your phone's contact.

"I'm deleting it."

That Echizen Sukira is really your lady co-worker. But Shirabu just doesn't believe any of what you said especially if it's about you.

He handed your phone and locked himself in his room.

'Maybe he's studying medical Doctor's book again'

You thought in relief you'd be able to avoid your boyfriend even for a while.

He was just a middle school crush of yours.

You confessed to him and with your surprise he felt the same way about you.

However as days went by, his true personality is leaking slowly.

How he became overprotective

How he avoid you to people who can you steal your attention away from him, specially to a guy.

How he seize almost everything that makes you happy.

How he can be possessive at times when he's jealous. Or maybe even become violent when he reached his limits.

This relationship is Toxic. You wanted to end it but Shirabu never agrees but he just gives you punishments in return.

"Mine"

Lingers in your ear, as you heard him banging his things inside his room.

He's on rampage.

'Fuck'

He's mad.

But after minutes later he stopped.

That moment you took a peak at your phone seeing all your saved numbers from people close to you including your friend, workers, former colleagues and more are completely swiped deleted.

Only one number saved.

'Kenjirou♡'

His number was left.

You felt your eyes gets blurry but quickly brushed it off when you heard a door creak coming from his room.

You sniffed and hid your phone on the sofa's hand.

"From now on, my number is the only one allowed to be saved from your device. Remember that Y/N."

He said without hesitation

Which you replied with

"O-okay.. sure"

You were too scared of what he might do to you when you disobeyed him.

So you've got no choice but to follow.

"Come here."

He reached out his long arms for you.

With a wide smile. One of the reason you've fell for him.

You want to run and hug him tight and just cry it all out.

But he was the reason why you're so afraid.

"Don't make me repeat myself."

With that you're in his arms nuzzling deep onto his chest.

He tucked at the back if your ear the strands of hair blocking from your face.

He cupped your cheek and lifted it for you to face him.

He smiled.

"Look me in the eye you know, I love you.. right?"

That sentence made you wanna laugh at his face.

'Love? This is not how you show your love! This is abuse Kenjirou! You're doing all of this against my will!'

You wanted to shout it at him

But afraid of the punishment you'll face.

"I- I love you too"

~~~

In the morning you too had to go to work.

Him as a Doctor.

You as a Regular worker at a development building.

"I'll see you later, hun"

He kissed your forehead before leaving.

You felt sad you weren't with him, you wish you two worked together.

That's a lie. A fucking lie.

You were so happy when he wasn't around, feels like you can freely play at the playground without any rules to obey.

You dressed up as well and headed to work.

Hours later,

After finishing the papers assigned to you.

Again you felt tired. But not because of the job you had.

Because again you'll deal with Shirabu.

You really wish you could stay here for long. Just don't go home again with him.

You closed your eyes for a good rest but was disturbed when your phone vibrates.

▪Message from: Kenjirou♡

~°•You're done with work right? I'll pick you up. Be there in minute.•°

-----------

You sighed heavily and head outside to wait for your boyfriend.

But not so far on waiting you heard a familiar voice afar.

"Isn't that Y/N-san?

Y/N-san Hisashiburi! (Long time no see)"

You tilted your head to the side seeing Semi Eita your former schoolmate back in Shiratorizawa High.

You waved your hand and he greeted you with a tight hug, exclaiming he was so happy to see you again.

But as soon as he hugged you, you broke apart without your consent.

By grabbing your wirst fimrly

"K-kenjirou..!?"

You looked at your back seeing Shirabu in a white gown with used white glove on his lower pocket on the side.

He's face was dull mad.

Incredibly but you know he's still hilding back.

He shoot Semi a death glare when the ashen blonde grabbed your other wrist.

"Hey no fair Shirabu, I know yoy're her boyfriend but can't you atleast me catch up with her?"

"With what?"

Shirabu answered bluntly as he turned to face him.

"About things since she left colledge. You've been with her ever since because you're her boyfriend. You knew what happened and I'm curious so I'd like to catch up, come on shirabu! Don't be selfish!"

Semi whined as he kept pulling you near him.

"If you knew that I'm her boyfriend then why don't you let go? It's very inappropriate to held a girl's hand without her boyfriend's consent"

Semi raised a brow at his former teammate.

And let out a nervous chuckle still not letting go.

"What's wrong with you Shirabu? It's not like I'd do anything to her-"

"Shut up! Why can't you understand that you can't touch her?! Why don't you get the fact that I'm getting uneasy with you two alone?! You won't do anything? Well guess what, I don't trust you!"

Semi was shocked at Shirabu's loud and angry statement.

He unknownly let go of your wrist and laughed.

Making Shirabu more irritated.

"Pff.. so that's how you are, when you're jealous Shirabu"

Your boyfriend was urging to punch the ashen blonde but you pulled him hugging his arm and pleading to let it slide.

The rage on his eyes, melted down as he saw how scared you were.

He clicked his tongue before turning back

And dragging you along.

~~~

"K-kenjirou! Pl-please don't do this!!"

You screamed in a frightening tone as you stepped back hitting you back at the flat corner of the kitchen.

Shirabu, was approaching you slowly with a scalpel on his hand.

Suggesting he should carve his name on you to let everyone know you're his.

You feel down on your knees as kept backing away even tho you're stuck at the same position.

You still didn't stop begging him to let it go.

You're boyfriend was hard to convince.

He roughly grabbed you by your elbow and lift you up to his reach.

He pinned you against the wall by setting his knee in between your thighs.

His face was merciless, you knew you couldn't escape but never stop begging him.

He scanned your body before removing his gown on the way.

He left the blue T-shirt and blue sweatpants on his body.

He eyed your left wrist that was held by Semi earlier.

He grinned wickedly

"Ah, I should sign that wrist.. ut was held by a filthy hand earlier"

He grabbed it and leaned closer to his touch.

He started to carve the first letter.

You bit your tongue as the sharp scalpel were trailing to your wrist, holding you scream.

You shed tears as he kept scribbling his name. You were starting to let out a painful whimper and squirms.

You couldn't hold it any longer so you opened your mouth wide and screamed as if your life really depends on it.

You're starting to pull your wrist away but Shirabu would only deepen the scalpel making it bleed and hurt more.

You danced in pain as he mercilessly continued.

His name was really quite long so you tried again to pull but he narrowed his hand making his grip tighter to bled more.

You shouted cries, wince, and words at him like

"I'm so sorry! Kenjirou! Please! S-stop!"

"I'll never do it again! Please j-just stop!"

But neither of those he listened.

At the last letter finally you thought was over he thrust the scalpel deeper an inch away to your pulse, making scream louder than ever.

He never scratched any veins nor touch your pulse. He knew you'd die which he never wants to happen. Just a punishment.

You gasped for air rapidly as he stared at his work. Proud.

He smirked looking at his bloodied name carved on your sensitive skin.

He put the little knife away and carried you bridal style.

He gently kissed your forehead as you just cry in pain.

"I'm sorry hun, but it's also your fault.

I know it hurts but bear with it."

"I-I thought I was gonna die Kenjirou..!"

You have no more energy to shout more.

So it came out in your mouth like a weak puppy.

"Don't worry I won't kill you.

Look me in the eye, you know I love you.. right?"

You lift your head up wearily and stared at his eyes.

His dull brown eyes that is full with painful love.

Reposted with permission 😚✨

I just had to, cause I love this fic!

thanks again @kedreyuri !

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ananicoleta · 7 months

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I am supposed to be doing my homework rn but I can't concentrate. I have pent up feelings inside me and I feel like they are eating me up on the insite. I need to vent. Having nowhere else to turn to I decided tumblr.

WARNING: This is very LONG. I don't know what I'm even saying, I'm just ranting nonesensically at this point. If you don't want to read about the identity crisis of an overwhelemed teenage girl then feel free to ignore.

It all began a few days ago, Monday I think, when I went out with my two best friends (girls). One of them had just broken up with her bf (she wasn't too sad about it) and we were chatting about boys. Both of them had dated before, had flirted and kissed guys and even more. I have never done those things (although I sometimes wish I had someone) so I whistfully said 'When's gonna be my turn to have a bf?' This statement started a whole conversation.

They told me that I can't just wish for a bf, that things don't just happen and that I need to stop daydreaming all day and take action. At first, I didn't know what they meant. Then they started telling me that I am basically too childlike, seem too innocent and don't even try to attract guys. They told me that when I have conversations with them I don't even try to flirt or look at them with doe eyes (I suck at this), I just talk to them nicely, as if they are just my coworkers or classmates. This shocked me because I have never even thought about it that way.

I simply thought that if I am nice and if I have great ideas people will be attracted to me and like me. I bond with people over deep conversations, shared interests, ideas, concepts and things like these. But apparently this whole approach is wrong. Apparently, people during a conversation don't focus on the information, but on the person and on the body langauge. Small talk (which I don't really like tbh and I kinda suck at it) is appaerntly like that: NOT the information matters, BUT the person, the way they talk, how they move. This blew my mind.

They went on to say that I focus more on the information than the person (therefore I focus on the wrong things) and that gives boys the impression that I am not available or intersested. "You need to find the woman in you" they said. "We don't want you to change yourself, you are great the way you are, but you need to better yourself and evolve. You are not a child anymore".

Moreover, not only that I do this with boys but with everyone (well, duh, because I thought that this is how you are supposed to interact). They said I talk to everyone like they're a coworker or a classmate (I don't view people like that, I didn't know it looked that way) and that I always seem more interested in the information I recieve, not in bonding with the person (even though that is the way I bond).

The thing is, I also tend to zone out during conversations when they don't particulary interest me. I love to daydream (I do it for hours, while pacing back and forth, flapping my hands repeatedly and listening to music) and when the conversation gets boring, I start paying less attention to what is being said and mkre attention to my thoughts. Even with conversations that interest me, sometimes, I have to resist daydreaming (although it tends to happen less if I am very involved). They told me that that is wrong and "no wonder no one's interested in you since you don't look interested in them". Apparently, people do and should pay attention even when it gets boring?? I didn't know that! Why did no one tell me! (of course if I am one-on-one I do keep the conversation going to prevent it from becoming awkward, but if I'm in a group setting then I don't make a lot of effort. apparently that's wrong.)

The overall message was that I need to stop daydreaming so much, be more confident, improve my social skills, try to pay better attention to my surroundings and to the people around me and practice my flirting skills on boys (even if I have no idea how to do that or where to start). And the thing is, they, along with the majority of the girls around me, seem to be doing these things so effortlessly, they have a natural feminine charm, a way with people and I just don't know how to act, what to say, how to say it. It's incredibly weird. I tried to follow their advice ever since then, but it's not really working. I can't really pay attention to my surroundings, to people, all the time. It's overwhelming and exhausting. I still wind up daydreaming. Now I'm afraid that I'll never succeed and I'll remain single forever, that no one will be attracted to me or like me that way. I just don't know how to put myself out there.

This conversation also made me realize how differently I percieve the world and human interractions compared to my friends. I've always seen people as people. Boys, girls, it didn't matter to me. Apparently, that's not how it works. "I treat boys as if they are just normal people." I said. "Well, that's the thing," they said, "you mustn't treat them like people. You must treat them like boys." While I understand the logic behind it and what they are trying to say, it simply never occured to me to do that or think like that. Or that, if I don't act that way, then boys won't like me and percieve me as just a friend, a nice person, no attraction there, sir.

Tbh I've always felt a bit different. Different than them, than my classmates, than the world. Ever since I was young I was the weird one, the one kids picked on, the odd one out. Everything I did was just not right, the way I was and acted was wrong and I needed to change. Thankfully, I've adapted and now I don't do certain things in public (e.g flapping my hands) like I used to. I've understood that certain things are not socially acceptable, I've gotten better at human interractions (when I was in primary school and a bit of middle school, I was a disaster) and my social skills have improved. But I still feel like I'm almost always two steps behind everyone else, like there is something I just don't get. I don't know what it is and it frustrates me.

I thought that I might be neurodivergent, maybe autistic, but after a lot of research, I feel like I'm in between. I don't meet all of the criteria in order to be diagnosed with autism. I can interrpret facial expressions, figures of speech, hand gestures, most social cues, read between the lines, comfort people, get sarcasm and jokes (most of the time) and I can feel and show empathy (I'd say that I'm actually too empathetic). I DO have certain problems with certain stimuli but never to the point where it's actually hinderring. The only symptoms that I seem to have are stimming (hand flaping, pacing back and forth, ricking etc.), a niche interest (I've been interested in cartoons my whole life to the point that I read and know a lot about them and I only want to talk about them and I feel very connected to them and invest almost all my time and energy in them), perhaps executive dysfunction and a few problems here and there with some social norms and cues. I do have a fiery temper and I am very emotionally sensitive and I do have a lot of breakdowns, but I don't know if they can be classified as autistic meltdowns....

Idk where I'm going with this man... I guess I just feel very lost, like I'm neither neurodivergent nor neurotypical, like I'm stuck in between, like no matter what I do I'll never belong in any place, nor in the autistic community, nor with the NTs. Like no one will ever get me (I know I might seem self-centered but this is how I feel). I don't want to self-diagnoze (hello, imposter syndrome), but at the same time the thought of opening up to my friends and family, even to my therapist, leaves me petrified. I'm not scared of being judged. If I were neurodivergent I'm sure everyone I love would accept me. I'm actually afraid of being dismissed ("stop it, Ana. you're fine."). It would hurt just as much as exclusion.

Like I said, Idk where I'm going with this. It's just me veinting so I can get this off my chest and concentrate on my homework afterwards. Probably tomorrow I'll be back to rebliogging cartoons, completely ignoring this rant.🙃

#autism #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #rant #vent

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erielake · 4 months

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WIP ROUNDUP

tagged by @lavampira ty!!! <3

tagging: @hylfystt and whoever else'd like to!

rules: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it!

my wips are all nonsensically titled and mostly larkin related lmfao:

prologue 12.13 [most recent version of the revised prologue - diving deep in here when it comes to encounters and such]

revised timeline [1.8.24] [i restart this doc every time i get annoyed with my formatting so this is just the most recent version of the full larkin timeline]

inventory [detailed log of everything the preacher can have on their person]

dasha! [cyrus lore drabbles]

fawn [wyatt's childhood at eden's peak with his fucked up father and idiot brother]

Hell Document [this is all of my larkin notes that are nonesensical and need to be but into recised timeline [1.8.24] in a way that's readable]

larkin romance bible [notes on all the romances]

#tag game

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fkevin073 · 1 year

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I am shocked and fascinanted by the reaction of some readers to the slightly more explicit subtext of Jace/Alys that has always been there (like, it was already there in that scene after Harwin's death with all the sibilings conforting each other. Jace and Alys were already the surrogate parental figures and Jace stated that if forced he would always choose his family). It is not the first time that I have seen such reaction. As somebody who has been reading fanfiction since the early days of AO3, I do wonder If the tag system, while being extremely useful to curate your own experience, is changing the way some people read. Like, "this love story about these tagged characters has to be *just* about them and to unfold *just* as I have envisioned based on fandom tropes and fanon." Nevermind the complexity of the characters or the world which the inhabit. Nevermind that one of the key traits that all off Rhaenyra's children share is that they have close relationships with each other which (like every other relationship) do evolve based on life happening and stuff. I find the tendency in fanfiction to isolate couples from their family/friends/whatever, incredibly frustrating. As if people were no longer individuals while they are falling in love/after. And the this bunch are not only politicians by virtue of their very birth, but they are constantly on the verge of putting themselves, their loved ones and the WHOLE kingdom at risk if they follow their own desires. As I read it (and I might be wrong) Alys inner conflict from chapter one has been being trying to deal with the consequences of being forced to choose between romantic & obssesive love and her deep love for her sibilings& mother. On top of that, a Civil War is unfolding. Perhaps because I come from a country that went through a civil war in living memory, but I find myself particularly frustrated by the oversimplification of family/friendship bonds in HotD love stories with such type of conflict. I know that you have said that you did not like your latest chapter, but I must admit that It might be my favourite yet. The world of Alys and Aemond is expanding, as the moment demands, and with it their complex relationships with other people and with each other will have to change. Or maybe I am just protective of Jace (personal favourite, I will admit. And the way you write him is exactly how I had envisioned him. Constantly trying to fulfill a set of expectations by denying himself everything that he might possibily want while knowing for a fact that it will never be enough to satisfy society. Loving his parents while trying not to blame them for the situation they have put him in....what I wouldn't give to read a creaganxJacexofc not Sara Snow with your out of the chartd characterization skills. )

Anyway, sorry for the nonesensical rant and for the English. I just wanted to thank you for writing characters and relationships which are as complex as the situation demands and....as those between human beings. And for that Jace, of course <3!!!

Oh thank you sm!! I’m so glad you’re liking the story and my interpretation of Jace. He really is a favourite of mine both in the show and the book! The Strong Kids deserved so much better. I’m a big fan of Jace x Cregan too. They are both bisexual in my eyes lmao.

But thanks again! The subtext between Alysanne/Jace has been there from the very beginning. Obviously Alys hasn’t clocked in on anything romantic or is acting in that way, but I think a part of her is either intentionally oblivious or just generally unaware of the tension within Jace, because he’s also done a very good job of hiding it. He’s never spoken of it to anyone ever, really.

Obviously I’m not supporting or condoning incest. They’re Targaryens and it’s weird and obviously gross - but this is just a story and George’s world. I blame him lol.

I think this story is going differently compared to how people want/expect it to. And I get it! I hope people keep reading regardless, but that’s totally up to them :)

#i kept you like an oath

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ducknotinarow · 2 years

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📝Tony Stark

| Send 📝for head cannons and facts about my muse Most of these are in reference to him being with Steve I did also add stuff with Peggy though.

Tony grew up a big fan of Captain America, with his Dad having worked and known them Tony did get some stories about them that not many others did.

As Tony got older he did slightly start to resent the whole image and idea of Captain America

Not that is Steve's fault it was Tony connecting his issues with his father with Captain America.

Has a bit to do with how he got a bit more cynical as well, Tony often heard so much about how great Captain America was that it built his resent up to deciding fine i'll never be anything like him them.

Well also seeing it as he'll never be like them

Tony has a lot of reason for why he feels as he dose for his father. They were not very present in his life growing up either.

Tony has boxes of childhood memories of greeting cards given to him for his birthday. And well some may want to say least he remember they never had anything special written in them just was signed by him.

Howard never actually got the cards himself, he had an assistant do it and just give some off handed remark on what Tony liked. So many happen to have Captain America theme designs.

If Tony could go back in time he would kick Howard's ass

His relationship with his mother is far better, Maria was far more involved with Tony.

Well Howard could never bother to be around not even because work stuff came up his mother would poor on the excuses for his father

She tried her best to keep the family together and Tony was aware.She would get him gifts and claim one was from his dad.

For a bit that worked till he started to notice it was stuff he only ever told her he want. He once played a trick to figure it out.

It's why he loves her so much more and hold her to a standard his father could never reach.

When he did finally meet the great Captian America, he was an ass about it. Something inside Tony just needed to up show this guy his dad cared more for

It fuels a lot of the rivalry he has with Steve and kind of his general behavior at the start

After some time Tony did learn to separate the two because Captain America is a symbol, and not the one the whole world has just the personal one. Steve though? Steve is the great man Tony knows and wants to be even half as good as that.

If tony could he tell Howard he fucked his golden boy u-u no context or lead up

Tony dose admire and love Nina and Brook, but he can't be too soft on them Steve already is u_u

Tony enjoys Brooks general process and likely had used her for tests and such nothing like Hydra mind you but she is a good resource.

I like to think they spend time having chats when she cant sleep and hes working. Maybe nothing to deep but im sure she has heard some stories on his life time to time.

Despite Nina's chaotic energy Tony dose truly see her potential and often tries to get her to think with her head first when he works with her or goes on missions with her.

He's pretty aware of Nina's self worth issues and such when it comes to Steve and because he relates he tries to help with them.

He sees it in Brook too and would like to offer the same support. he knows how that Captian America shadow can hang over one.

Tony enjoys annoying Peggy hes like an actual child around her and can't help it

I like to think Peggy is the only one he gets a bit more personal with when it comes to Howard everyone else he blows it off with a joke with at best

Sometimes he likes to hear about how Howard was before he knew them but it dosen't help his issues

Peggy is a friend Tony turly needs because she dosen't give into his nonesense and shes someone he holds a lot of respect for so hes far more likely to listen to her sorry Steve

#muse| tony stark #madamkezzie #aflockofffeathers #[ not half as good at doing anything with out you aflockoffeathers]#[ it takes two for these headaches aflockoffeathers]#[ Pulling all nighters - aflockoffeathers]#head canon #muse bio: tony stark

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soundbulb · 20 days

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technically, I was in a family that was in a cult until I was around 15 (my mom had definitely pulled away from it by then, but that was the point where she was ready to put her foot down and say none of us kids could be forced to participate) and you'd think some religious trauma would result, but maybe because someone I trusted came to bat for me it didn't. I don't know, this religion was also not present at all in anything else. I was never religious or living by it when I was made to go to church, and nobody in my family -- except probably my dad, who is a pretty oblivious person -- ever seemed to notice or think any which way about it.

but I am....I don't mean to criticize how people deal with trauma, but I do feel like a lot things unpacking religious trauma end up doing some favors for religious institutions. like they do portray them as beautiful and sublime and profound feeling -- and for some people, that's probably just how it felt. and maybe it's because I was in a religion that was particularly cheap and nascent and american, but when I see the revival tent in true detective season 1, I'm like, yeah, that's more the feeling. the folding chairs and the ill fitting dress clothes and a dozen people at varying degrees of attentiveness. theriot's a way better orator than anyone at the church I went to though. my church building didn't look very different from an office building in the 70s and our "communion" involved a room full of screaming babies crawling around on the carpet between rows of plastic chairs and a bunch of adults pretending it wasn't loud as hell while someone rambled absolute nonesense at a cheap faux wood paneled pulpit. our sacrament was wonder bread and tap water. swagless and unchic institution to be very frank. we didn't even have paid preachers, randoms in the congregation were assigned talks, so you can imagine how underwhelming the writing and delivery was. people regurgitating the same talking points off some flashcards. some of them sound like they can't read. here's the average talk by the way, I can break it down for you: pick a word that's run into the ground in your niche religious world, then pedantically redefine it for five minutes, with multiple cringe inducing moments of emphasis. introduce a false dichotomy. pick at some low hanging fruit. throw a pregnant pause in there somewhere -- doesn't even matter where. bare your testimony, and make sure you fake cry a little. I'm actually really good at imitating this specific fake cry, I call it [REDACTED RELIGIOUS AFFILIATION] tears and it cracks my family up. especially-- this one time I was taken to do baptisms for the dead as a little field trip but I knew none of it ahead of time because I never paid attention, so we just got up and went across the parking lot to the temple, which I'd never been inside, and we had to change and put on these booties to walk inside. and there was the baptismal font and I was like wtf I don't want to get dunked (I hated my baptism, they dunked me three times because my hair kept floating up and they had two of us get baptized one after another because they didn't wanna run up their water bill by refilling the font -- just a big bathtub with stairs to the bathroom -- multiple times that month. and the boy who went before me had a crazy family that was huge and they made a whole spectacle). and I was like I don't want to get wet wtf. anyway this kid ahead of me peed in the font, which sucks for him, but none of us had to go in after. so sometimes when I do my [REDACTED] tears I'll be like "and I know *getting choked up* *half hearted laugh* sorry-- *deep breath* I know god looks after all his children *audibly speaking through tears* because he knew that day-- *haltingly* that I couldn't go in the font-- so he made sure-- that someone pissed-- oh wow *tears are ramping up, smile, gracefully wipe them away, you're overcome with the spirit* he made sure someone pissed in that font. so I wouldn't have to go in. I know god looks after us and this church is true. in the name of jesus christ amen" and imagine you do this into a sea of faces that are completely zoned out or gritting their teeth as the yank their child off someone else's skirt. then get down and shuffle back to your seat with your four screaming toddlers. when I was in church I could not imagine the broken psyche that would produce such a display, so I was especially confounded when someone I knew and thought was normal "bared their testimony". I was a weird kid to be very honest and to me these antics seems obscene in a way I can only now call masturbatory. but at the time I would've sounded weird expressing it, because I probably would've said it was debasing.

the kid that peed in the font would probably be in his early 20s right now and he's probably mortified by that memory. he's kind of my hero though. I guess I could've said I was on my period but honestly can't imagine admitting I menstruate into the clay caste face of one of those uncanny valley priesthood holders. maybe. they were mostly med students and they usually just looked kind of tired and desperate, they weren't intimidating -- almost the opposite. a meaner kid would've taken their demeanor as an invitation to bully them, but I was quiet. the men did try to do that spiritual beam though, where they'd fake this bright self assuredness. as an adult I know they're probably trying to look peaceful and serene, like this meditative aura surrounds them, but they end up looking really stiff and you can tell they're way too aware of their face. most of em don't do this, but a lot of the bishopric did. anyway, it was just very strange to me because both the area I lived in and my actual household was not culturally in line with this religion at all, so I'd go into church and for three hours live in this absolutely surreal alternate reality, and then there'd be no trace of it once we left the parking lot. by all metrics it seemed like my family did NOT like church and it was this embarrassing thing they wouldn't acknowledge except under threat of death. always wondering why we did that. I'm saying all this because I just saw a blog that was like "working through religious trauma" and then had a bunch of beautiful and erotic images of pieta sculptures and saints in ecstasy. don't mean to sound dubious, I know my religion was probably just lame as hell. doesn't even have any mystics.

#t #ht

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