Once again I attempt writing to you. But this time with a more grown up and different perspective. And yet with all this perspective, the words are harder to come out now. Everything feels too much, a lot of it hopeless, a lot of it doomed. But with the little hope and faith I find, I write this to you. To you who I know is out there. To you who is figuring his life out.
Where are you now? Bangalore? London? Mumbai? Toronto? Badlapur? New Mexico? Seoul? Delhi, perhaps? Wherever you are, I send you the kind of energy you need the most right now. As of 23rd August, 2022, my love, what is it that you need? Is it the warmth of someone's sincerity? Is it a miracle to fix a very sticky situation at work or home? Is it strength that your body needs? Is it strength that your mind needs? A good, comfort meal? Peace? Whatever it is, I ask the universe to send it to you — kindly, timely, consistently, and abundantly.
The person I am right now is seeking something so intensely to a point that I have started to stray away from my values and beliefs. To a point that I have started to treat breadcrumbs like a gracious feast prepared specially for me. But if I love bread so much and there are supply chain issues, shouldn't I be strategic and figure out ways to fix them? Quarter by quarter but fix them? That starts now.
As I sit in Third Wave Café sipping on a very milky, very sweet iced coffee with a flower bouquet I curated for my friend who is sitting across me writing a letter to his to-be fiancé, as I feel cold due to the air conditioner for the first time in Bangalore, as I think about everything that's happened in the last five months, I now know this.
This is not the life I want. This is not the life I am going to continue to let myself live. From now on I am going to make decisions that protect me, that provide me with the best, that bring me peace, and that give me power. For I am going to bloom into the person that has always been inside me, waiting politely for me to recognize how precious I am. And I truly hope that you too are able to make the decisions that honor the divine in you and pacify the undivine.
We will meet. We have met. We exist. Soon. Always. Other than this, I have no declarations of love to make. I have no expectations to articulate. We will build and we will nurture and we will love exactly how it is precious to us. And we will laugh and laugh and laugh.
Heard Dear Future Husband for the first time in a while and thought of this cute scenario.
So, Anthony, Benedict, and Colin are at a party or the club, having fun, drinking, dancing, and flirting. Well this song comes on and they get pulled into a dance with Kate, Sophie, and Penelope, who are there with Simon, Michael, and Phillip but their guys friends either went missing or took a break and are back at their table. The girls are a little tipsy, singing along to the song, and dancing with the three hot strangers they randomly plucked from the dance floor.
When the song ends the girls thank the boys for the dance, giggle, and run off into the crowd back to their table. Cue the brothers looking for them all around the club for the rest of the night.
I am going to let you guide my behaviour. You who I haven't yet met. You who I know I will meet. My future love, my future partner. I know I should improve first and foremost for myself. I know I should heal for me. I know I should take these decisions that are right for myself. But is it so bad if my motivation is us? The life we will build together. The people we will be to each other. The way we will love each other. Is it so bad if I gather strength from the idea of us? And let that help me do what I need to do now? You will be someone I will love, yes, but also respect and cherish, and I will be someone you love, respect, and cherish. So the things I do now, the choices I make, have to be those that I can be proud of sharing with you. And breaking my own heart, letting others break it, or breaking that of someone else will not be choices I will be proud to share with you. I don't want you to look at me like you don't think I'm the absolute best. So I will do better. No matter how hard it is now, I will do better. For us.
Tô escrevendo isso aqui enquanto me arrumo pra ir em uma festa, você vai aprender que eu amo o combo festa+ open bar+ música boa. Principalmente amo quando eu vejo meus amigos felizes e fazendo o que gostam, pq hoje o Nate vai tocar tbm.
Sonhei com você ontem, não com você você, pq a pessoa no meu sonho não tinha rosto ou qualquer coisa do tipo, sonhei com a ideia de você, sonhei que a gente tava casando da maneira que eu sempre pensei em casar, simples e descomplicada, com uma festa divertida, sem muitos protocolos bregas para noivas. E você tava lá, com sua presença calma pra compensar a tempestade que eu sei que eu sou, e acolhedor pra compensar todas as vezes que eu sei que vou fugir.
Foi insano. Tem uns bons dias que eu venho tendo vontade de escrever aqui, escrever para voce, escrever sobre você.
Fui no show do Jão no domingo e por mais que eu entenda como é amar e ser amada, eu acho que nunca senti isso e isso ficou na minha cabeça, segundo alguns astrólogos do TikTok isso não rolou pq júpiter estava em capricórnio e isso interferiu por 15 anos na minha vida amorosa. Eu sinceramente preciso dizer que puta que pariu júpiter, a única vantagem é que eu não posso dizer que sofri de amor, já gostei de pessoas, mas não o suficiente pra me apaixonar loucamente e sofrer loucamente, o suficiente para me tornar uma pessoa melhor.
Então, eu realmente espero que vc esteja bem onde quer que você esteja, esteja se divertindo, amando, sofrendo e vivendo. Logo a gente se encontra.