#dean would just see cas upset and crying and be like: hm. do not like this. will burn the world down to keep it from ever happening again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

one-more-offbeat-anthem · 3 years

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endlessly

or, the one-shot that wouldn’t get out of my head where jack is a baby, cas is back, and he and dean have a talk. s13 :) this is a long one, so part of it is going under the cut!

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Things are strange.

Of course, things are often strange in Castiel’s life, especially these days. For one, he just got brought back from the dead. For another, he rode in the passenger’s seat of the Impala on the way back to the bunker. Sam drove, because when Dean tried to drive, the baby in the backseat--Jack, that’s Jack--started crying, and Dean had to switch spots and let Jack’s tiny hand wrap around one of his fingers. Only then did Jack stop crying.

As soon as they got back to the bunker, Dean went to put Jack to bed, leaving Castiel in the kitchen with Sam. That’s where Castiel is now, watching Sam putter around, cleaning up things that don’t need to be cleaned. There’s clearly something on his mind.

“You and Dean should talk,” Sam finally says.

“We usually do talk,” Castiel replies, unsure of what, exactly, Sam means.

“I mean, really talk. Look--” Sam stops, grabs two beers out of the fridge and slides one across the island to Castiel, before continuing. “Dean gets...things get bad for him when you’re gone. Without Jack to take care of, I think he would have...” Sam doesn’t finish the sentence, but Castiel has a feeling he knows where it was headed.

“Is Jack always like that?” Castiel asks.

“Obsessed with Dean? Yeah. I mean, things are still kinda complicated with Mom, and I’m not great with kids, but Dean...” Sam sighs. “I mean, he had to take care of me constantly when I was a baby. He’s always been really good with kids, better at expressing himself. And he and Jack...I mean, if Dean’s not with him, Jack gets really upset.”

“Wow,” Castiel says. He remembers a few years ago, helping Claire out, and how quickly Claire and Dean cottoned onto each other. And stories he’s heard from before he knew the Winchesters (sometimes it’s hard to believe there was a time in his life before them) where kids had been involved on a hunt and Dean saved the day.

Perhaps it’s only natural.

“But yeah,” Sam takes a deep swig of his beer. “Go find him and talk. I bet Jack is asleep by now.”

“Right.”

Castiel still feels odd, wrong-footed, though. It should be easy to talk to Dean--Dean’s one of his best friends, someone he would do anything for, has done anything for.

But he’s also Dean, someone who can be complicated and feels things deeply, and if he’s been feeling bad enough to contemplate--

Castiel doesn’t know what to say to that.

He finds Dean in his room, sprawled out on the bed with a sleeping Jack next to him. There are beer bottles and a couple of whiskey bottles littering Dean’s nightstand, an overflowing wastebasket in the corner.

Sam was right. Things haven’t been great.

Dean’s eyes flutter open when he hears Cas enter and he sits up, saying softly, “I know sleeping with babies can be bad, cuz I read one of those books you got, but he just...” Dean turns his gaze to Jack. “He doesn’t go to sleep unless I do this.”

Castiel nods.

Dean carefully scoops Jack up and carries him over to the crib in the corner of the room. The whole scene is both painfully domestic and painfully Dean, and it causes something in Castiel’s chest to twinge.

“But he’s out like a light now,” Dean says. “He’s already better at sleeping, it’s like he knows I don’t get much even without a crying baby.”

“Hm,” Castiel agrees. “Dean, can we talk?”

“Uh, sure? Let’s go somewhere else.” Dean takes one last look at Jack’s swaddled form and then leads Castiel out of his bedroom and to another room, which Cas has never been in before and is barren except for some armchairs and a foosball table.

“What’s this?” Cas asks as they settle into the armchairs.

“It’s...I dunno, a rec room or something. Thinking of putting a TV in here so we could watch movies. I’ve been calling it the Deancave and Sam has been getting annoyed with me.” Dean cracks a smile at a that. “Whaddya want to to talk about?”

“I, uh...” Castiel shrugs. “Sam just said I should talk to you.”

“Dirty traitor. Of course he did.” Dean frowns.

“We don’t have to if you don't want to, I just thought--”

“No, no, this’ll--I need to say this shit.” Dean swallows, before saying, “So, do you remember, about a year or so after we met, when we were trying to get the Colt back and gank Lucifer?”

“I do,” Castiel says, now completely unsure of where Dean is going with this.

“Well, I...I got zapped to the future. Or a future, I guess, by Zachariah. It was...2014 there, the world was overrun by this plague and zombies, Sam was...gone, he had said yes to Lucifer for good, and I met another version of myself who was...he wasn’t a great guy. Pretty cold and ruthless, willing to use people he cared about as bait or put them in harm’s way. He didn’t care about much anymore.” “I assume I wasn’t in this world?” Castiel asks.

“No, you were.” Now Dean looks genuinely pained. “You had lost almost all of your grace, and you spent your days...drinking and doing drugs and having sex. You had lost the trench coat and you were...different. You still thought I was pretty cool, though, and the other Dean, the Dean from that you’s time, he hated that.”

“I see.” Something is coming into focus.

“You were Cas, but you weren’t my Cas,” Dean says, the emphasis on the my weighty.

“Was this the same night that you told me to never change?”

“Yeah,” Dean sighs. “It was. Something that the other you said, it just...it hit me. And I couldn’t let that happen to you, and I couldn’t let myself be the guy that made it worse. He said that the only thing you and that Dean had left was each other, that if the other me said it was time to go, then you would follow him. And I tried to talk to the future me about it, ask him why he was willing to put you in harm’s way just because you would follow him. He...he didn’t have an answer.”

“I have changed, though, Dean,” Castiel says after a moment. “And not in a bad way.”

“Yeah, but you coulda become that guy.” Dean’s fidgeting now, uncomfortable. “Anyways, after that it was...yeah. You know how things went, you were there. A lot of shit went down, and I tried not to think about that future I saw.”

“I see.”

There’s a vast, empty silence in the room as Castiel contemplates what Dean has told him. He wants to ask follow-up questions, figure out what, exactly, Dean means by what he’s said, but it’s rare that Dean is so open and calm about it, and Castiel doesn’t want to break the spell. He wants Dean to, what’s the phrase? Level with him.

“And then we went to purgatory,” Dean continues suddenly. “And I spent a year looking for you and found you all dirty and scruffy--you still had that trench coat but you looked like him. I was...starting to realize something, I guess? I mean, Benny helped me find you, and one night we were just hanging out, doing stuff, and he asked me what my deal was about you. I told him, I said you were one of my best friends, hell, just straight-up my best friend.”

“And what did he say?”

“He said I was full of shit, that no one spends a year in purgatory for a friend. I told him to shut the hell up, but he was right.”

This isn’t happening. This would never happen, because Castiel has heard that it won’t. The Empty’s words from when he was dead echo in his head.

I know who you hate. I know who you love. There is nothing for you back there.

But maybe there is.

“There isn’t any use in trying to hide it from you,” Dean says. “You saw all the bottles. Every time you leave...I tell myself it’s because you’re like family, and you are, but not quite--”

Castiel is tired of waiting, tired of having a weight lodged in his chest, and he hates how agitated and small Dean looks, so before he can fully think out what he’s doing, he’s standing up and then leaning over Dean’s chair, his face inches from Dean’s.

He waits.

“There’s--there’s no way,” Dean says, breathless.

“There is.” Castiel swallows, hopes he hasn’t miscalculated.

He determines a moment later when Dean seizes him by his collar and pulls him all the way down into a kiss that he did not, in fact, miscalculate.

It’s clumsy and messy, because of the angle and the nerves and all of the waiting, but Castiel doesn’t particularly care, and he’s getting the impression that Dean doesn’t, either.

“Please don’t leave again,” Dean whispers into Castiel’s neck when they finally separate.

“I won’t,” Castiel promises. “Although I still can’t promise to never change.”

“That’s a good thing,” Dean replies. “I know that. Now.”

Castiel doesn’t sleep, but when Dean finally heads back to his room to check on Jack and then try and get his four hours, Dean grabs Castiel by the trench coat sleeve. He stays, takes the pair of pajamas Dean sheepishly offers, finds himself curled around Dean in the big bed that doesn’t seem so big anymore. Neither Dean or Jack wake up all night.

Castiel may not sleep, but he does sink into a fairly deep meditative state in the quiet darkness of Dean’s room. He “comes to” an indeterminate amount of time later to see that the room is empty, save him, and that all the bottles and trash are gone.

He pads into the hallway, still in that pair of Dean’s pajamas, and hears voices coming from the kitchen. He follows them to find Sam sitting at the table, talking to Dean, who’s standing at the stove with Jack swaddled and wrapped to his chest. Castiel feels his face reddening as his chest expands, and he makes a beeline for the table and sits across from Sam.

“I see you had that talk,” Sam whispers, grinning.

“We did.” Castiel can’t help but smile back.

“Anyone not want bacon?” Dean asks from the stove, and Castiel and Sam both shake their heads.

Castiel could get used to this, and he hopes he gets the chance to.

#destiel #baby!jack #spn #fic #offbeatwrites

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tiktaalic · 2 years

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sometimes i feel like. they never could have made dean a good father to jack. cause that would have been TOO gay for dean to do. and that doesn't mean that the canon relationship btwn dean and jack in the show is automatically bad and wrong. but! it still makes me upset

Hm. Agree I think. It comes back to how it has to be three men and a baby because two men and a baby is just a gay couple who has adopted. And even THEN sam has like. Two moments? Maybe 3? With jack that are one on one heart to hearts and most of those are concentrated in early 13 when Dean wants to commit infanticide. How do I know dean’s in love with cas bc sam isn’t etc etc. i LIKE the jack and dean stuff I just wish it was a little more wrapped up because it very much goes from extreme one: Dean is going to kill this kid at the very first chance he gets and extreme two: that’s his kid he never thought he’d get the chance to have one of those and he’s gonna teach him to drive and hang out in his doorway awkwardly and ask if everything’s alright and clenching fists to keep from crying when he dies of Victorian wasting disease. Back and forth and back and forth. I think what it comes down to is that in supernatural being a bad dad is the straightest thing you can do but gay af to be a good dad (see: cas)

#ask #anonymous #spnwatch

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lunmelia · 3 years

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I praythee... more dadstiel raising Jack... please?

I was gonna hold off on this for a bit, but I’m feeling a bit sick and unmotivated to do anything else, so here you go. I’m putting the rest of the post under a line because I maybe got a bit carried away. maybe wrote just a little tiny story. just a small one. Maybe 2.

----

Okay, so maybe Dean did not like baby Jack at first. He had his reasons, okay? Weak reasons, but reasons. Firstly, a baby shapeshifter is very different to the baby of the literal devil. Secondly, that baby is the reason his mom and best friend almost died. Weak reasons, but reasons. But his dislike for the baby only lasted three days. Three days of the other three frowning at him and repeating, “he’s just a baby, Dean.” Three days of Castiel somehow succeeding in keeping the baby calm. Three days of Dean avoiding the room Cas and Jack were situated in. But on the night of the third day, Jack had decided he would not be persuaded to go to sleep. No matter what Castiel did. Dean and Mary had been holed away in Sam’s room, far enough that their ears weren’t damaged from the cries, close enough to act quickly if anything were to go wrong. Three hours into the crying, Dean decided he’d had enough. “Alright,” he snapped, pushing himself off the wall he was leaning against. “I’m putting an end to this.” He marched towards the door. “Dean,” warned Mary, rising from her seat. Dean paused to turn back to them, throwing his arms out in exasperation. “I’m not gonna kill the damn thing, jeez,” he said before continuing his steps. A few minutes later, the door opened to the room where Cas was hurriedly shushing and bouncing baby Jack, and Dean strode in with a guitar in hand. Cas threw panicked eyes to him. He was worried about the nephil’s cries affecting the human’s ears. “Dean-” “I’ve heard worse, Cas. Had you screaming at me after I crawled outta hell, didn’t I?” He threw the angel a grin before closing the door. “I can deal. Put him on the bed, will you?” He gestured to where four pillows were assembled in a rectangle border. Where Jack had been sleeping, since there was no crib to be found in the bunker. Cas hesitantly did as he was told, settling Jack down as he writhed and screamed, his small face scrunched up, red and wet with snot and tears. “You’re terrible at this, by the way,” Dean commented after wincing at a particular loud scream. “You were basically shaking the kid when I came in. And you need to change into some softer clothes, man. Your suit’s too rough, and that’s all he’s been feeling since he was born, apart from that blanket we’ve got him in. No wonder he’s upset.” He settled on the edge of the bed, propping one knee up on the sheets and resting his guitar atop it. “Oh,” Cas said, “of course. I hadn’t realised.” “Hm.” Dean gave him an obvious look. “Now shush for a minute.” He looked down at his guitar, adjusting his fingers on the appropriate cords before beginning to strum a soft tune. Jack’s cry abruptly cut off as his ears caught on the new sound. Yet he quickly ignored it in favour of continuing his screeches. Dean plucked the strings for a few more seconds before taking a breath, and singing in a low baritone, “There is a young cowboy, he lives on the range.” Cas gave a short gasp as if he had just realised what Dean was doing. Dean spared him a glance before focusing back on the guitar. “His horse and his cattle are his only companions He works in the saddle and he sleeps in the canyons Waiting for summer, his pastures to change.” Dean was now looking at Jack, who was looking back and releasing confused whines. Dean looked up to the angel and whispered, “sit down, Cas.” Castiel slowly lowered himself to the bed as Dean moved onto the next part of the verse. “And as the moon rises, he sits by his fire Thinkin’ about women and glasses of beer Reclosing his eyes as the doggies retire He sings out a song which is soft, but it’s clear As if maybe someone could hear.” By this point, Jack was still whimpering with tears gathering in his eyes, but his full focus was on Dean with a curious tilt of his head. Dean watched the baby, the irritation in eyes now lessened. Instead, he now regarded the nephil with a soft, considering look. Cas, same as Jack, gave his full attention to Dean, a twitch in his lips. “Goodnight, you moonlight ladies Rockabye, sweet baby, James Deep greens and blues are the colours I choose Won’t you let me go down in my dreams? And rockabye, sweet baby, James.” Jack was now soothed to soft coos, the red in his face having completely receded. Dean, unconsciously, was leaning towards the baby. A soft smile fought to pull at his lips. “Now, the first of December was covered with snow, So was the turnpike from Stockbridge to Boston Though the Berkshires seemed dream-like on account of that frostin’ With ten miles behind me and ten thousand more to go.” Jack’s eyes were fluttering. It seemed that he was fighting sleep, however, as he kept blinking to gaze at Dean. A sudden yawn escaped him. Cas’ face bloomed with a wide smile while Dean let himself grin softly. “There’s a song that they sing when they take to the highway A song that they sing when they take to the sea A Song that they sing of their home in the sky Maybe you can believe it if it helps you to sleep But singing works just fine for me.” Cas huffed a laugh at Dean, who threw him a grin before turning his gaze back to the now asleep Jack. Dean pitched his voice quieter, almost a whisper so not to disturb the sleeping infant. “So goodnight, you moonlight ladies Rockabye, sweet baby, James Deep greens and blues are the colours I choose Won’t you let me go down in my dreams? And rockabye, sweet baby, James.” Dean let the last chord fade away, and the room was cast into silence. He gently laid his hand atop his guitar, afraid to make any noises that might awaken Jack. He gazed at the baby nephil with a soft smile.

“He’s kinda cute when he’s not trying to blow out our eardrums,” he admitted quietly. Cas smiled and hummed. After a moment, Cas whispered, “that was beautiful, Dean.” Dean snapped his gaze to the angel, alarmed and caught off-guard by the compliment. “I- oh. oh, y-yeah, sure, okay. um...” he trailed off, looking away back to the infant. Cas tilted his head, amused. Dean stared at Jack for a moment, a furrow working its way to his brow. “... We’re really going to raise Lucifer’s baby, aren’t we?” he asked. Cas frowned at the mention of the archangel, but nodded. “It would seem that way, yes,” he said. He waited for Dean’s response, for him to argue the fact one last time. But Dean sighed, his irises bouncing back and forth for a moment before he said, “okay. We’re going to need to buy supplies, then. This place is lacking. Not surprised by that, though. Not exactly the kind of place you’d expect the Men of Letters to be raising their kids.” Cas hummed his agreement. There was another moment of silence before Dean rose from the bed. “Right, I guess I’ll go discuss that with mom and Sam. You... keep watch over him.” He gestured to Jack, still sleeping. “I will.” Cas nodded. Dean nodded back. “Right.” He stepped up to the door. “Goodnight, Dean,” Cas softly called. Dean looked back to him, nodding again. “Night.” He slowly, quietly opened the door and stepped out into the hall, where Sam and Mary stood waiting. He raised a brow at them as he clicked the door close. “He stopped crying,” Sam said, stating the obvious. “He’s sleeping?” Dean nodded. Mary looked from the guitar to her son. “You sang to him?” she questioned. Dean paused a moment, then nodded with a shrug as if nothing were out of the ordinary. “Yeah. We need to make a list of baby supplies,” he said, quickly changing the subject. “And baby-proofing stuff. That should definitely be a priority. This is not a safe place to raise a baby without baby-proofing.” He waved a hand, scoffed while glancing around the hall as if observing the entire bunker, then turned and walked away. Sam and Mary looked at each other, both equally confused at Dean’s sudden change of attitude towards Jack. Sam then shrugged, grinned and chased after Dean, calling in a whisper, “what song did you sing?” “I ain’t telling you. Why’d you wanna know?” Dean gave his brother a look of disgust.

“Oh, come on. Was it Blackbird? It was Blackbird, wasn’t it? That’s so obvious.”

“No, Sam, it wasn’t Blackbird.”

Mary huffed a laugh, shaking her head before following after her sons.

(The song Dean plays and sings is “Sweet Baby James” by James Taylor, in case you wanted to take a listen)

Although, yes, Cas can put Jack to sleep with his grace, he refuses to. He’s afraid that would intefere with Jack’s natural growth, and that Jack will begin to depend on his grace and will never be able to put himself to sleep. So Cas doesn’t. Besides, Dean singing to him seems to work just fine. -- They were all afraid that they were going to have to feed Jack some weird, special combination since he’s a nephil. Like, milk and holy water, or something. But nope, normal formula works just fine. He’s actually a pretty normal baby. Just, plus deafening screaming, wings and healing. -- I’m honestly not sure how to approach Chuck with this AU. I don’t want him to be evil because I want this to be a soft, happy AU but he is an evil bastard, so. If anyone wants to handle the angst side of this AU that involves Chuck go ahead but I ain’t touching it. I will say this though; I can see Amara convincing Chuck not to kill a baby. Amara: it’s a baby, God Chuck: yes, but it’s a very dangerous baby Amara: ... it’s a baby. Chuck: ... a very dangerous baby. Amara: there is... no such thing as a dangerous baby. there is literally... nothing dangerous about a baby. nephil or no Chuck: but- Amara: do not kill a baby, God. Chuck: ... fine. -- The four of them were so busy getting Jack settled in the bunker that they just completely forgot to tell the other hunters that, y’know, they have a baby now. So it was a bit of shock to Jody, when she called to check in on them after not hearing from them for weeks. Jody, on the phone with Sam: yeah, we haven’t heard from you guys for weeks! what’s going on, everything okay? Sam, on the other line: uh, yeah, no everything’s fine, we’ve just been *glances over to where Mary and Cas are bathing Jack in the sink* busy. Jody: busy? you guys need help with anything? Sam: no, no we’re fine- Jack: *coos and smiles* Cas: *gasps* was that his first smile? Mary: it was! he smiled! Dean, jumping up from where he was sitting: he’s smiling!? Sam, hurrying over: wait, I wanna see! Jody: ... Sam. Sam: oh- uh, heh, yes, Jody? Jody: do you have a baby? Sam: we... might. Jody: why do you have a baby, Sam? Sam: uh, well, see it’s a long story- Dean: *laughs* look at him go! look at that little smile! Jody: oh my god I’m coming over- *hangs up* Mary: was that Jody? Sam: yep Dean: ... we completely forgot to tell the others about the baby, didn’t we? Sam: yep. -- Dean, with Jack in his arms: Claire, you wanna hold him? Claire: uh, no thanks Dean: no, I think you wanna hold him *steps up to her* Claire, panicking: no, I really don’t- oh my god no don’t- *squeaks as Dean passes Jack to her* Dean, directing her: put your arms like that, hold his head like this- there you go! look at that, you’re holding him Claire: I hate you so much right now. *looks down at Jack with wide eyes* Jack: *stares up at her* Claire: he’s so tiny. so fragile... am I holding him right? I don’t wanna hurt him- Sam: you’re doing great, Claire. Don’t worry about it Claire: okay... can I... can I keep holding him? or- Cas: of course you can, Claire Claire: okay, thanks... *goes back to staring at Jack* Jack: ... *pulls at Claire’s hair* Claire: ow ow ow ow okay no I changed my mind take him please now- -- Jack’s first word, or at least first coherent sound, was surprise surprise a simple drawn out “daaa”. After weeks of Dean, Sam and Mary and everyone else referring to Cas as “dada” “dad” and “daddy” to try and get Jack to say it, the moment finally happened. It came out of nowhere, in a moment where they weren’t even trying to get him to say it. Dean: *sitting on the floor, watching Jack crawl around and fiddle with his toys* Jack: *loses interest in the block he was holding, looks at Dean, giggles then disappears* Dean, scrambling to stand: shit- Cas! Jack’s flying again! Cas, appearing before him three seconds later and holding Jack at an arm’s length: Jack, we’ve discussed this many times. You’re not to fly when I’m not in the room. Do you understand? Jack, cooing and reaching a hand towards Cas’ face: daaa Dean and Cas: ... Dean: did he just- Jack, more enthusiastically: da! Dean: he did! holy shit, Cas, he said it! he basically called you dad! he- Cas? Cas, tearing up: I believe... I am going to cry. -- After that, Jack developed a bad habit of flying whenever he wanted to see or be held by Cas. Honestly, it got annoying at times, especially when Cas was busy with other matters. But what else were they supposed to do, let him fly around until he gave up? They did eventually solve the problem after Gabriel came back and they got some of the other angels on their side. When Cas wasn’t available, one of the other angels fetched Jack. Though, the first time Jack was caught by Gabriel and not Cas, he was extremely upset. He blew out all the lights in the bunker and shattered glass and porcelain with his cries.

He could not be consoled for hours, not even when Cas was holding him. He latched onto Cas and cried until he was sure Cas wasn’t gone or going anywhere. He could not be separated from Cas that night, screaming whenever someone tried to take him from him. They concluded that he probably had separation anxiety since he had never really been separated from Cas before. Cas was there during the pregnancny, there when he was born, was his primary caretaker since Jack’s crying didn’t affect him like it did the humans, and he always catches him whenever he flies away. Cas was worried that Jack was going to depend too much on his grace, yet in the end Jack ended up depending too much on him.

Trying to ease Jack’s separation anxiety was a process, and a difficult one. Especially with him being a nephil.

He seemed okay with being without Cas for an hour and a bit, so they started by increasing the amount of time that Cas is gone. Which failed because whenever Jack noticed it had been a while since he’d seen his dad, he flew away. And since they wanted to avoid another huge tantrum so soon, they let Cas fetch him.

Ultimately, the only solution was getting other angels to catch him, and braving through the tantrums. Increasing the time in which Cas had to wait before going to Jack. It was... very, very difficult.

Because it turned out that Jack wasn’t the only one with separation anxiety.

They discover this fact the first time they attempt to separate them. Cas broke three minutes in, and flew to Jack with a muttered, “I’m sorry” to Dean. A collective sigh fell over the room as they looked to Cas, guiltily holding a wailing Jack.

“Alright, then,” Dean said, scratching at the back of his head, “guess that’s just something else we gotta work on.” Cas looked to them with wide, apologetic eyes as he held Jack closer.

From then on the “sessions”, as they started calling them, weren’t just trying to calm Jack down in Cas’ absence, but also trying to get Cas to stay put. To not cave in and go running to comfort Jack. Which was hard, seeing as Cas was an angel and didn’t really have to listen to a bunch of humans telling him “stay.” It took a lot of convincing. Convincing from Dean, mostly. Because Cas listened to Dean. For some weird reason, Dean thought.

The third session was the most difficult one they had at that point. It was three hours into Cas being away from Jack after another angel caught him, and they were aiming for four. Dean had left Cas with Sam for a minute to get himself some water, taking Cas’ impulse control with him. When he came back, Sam was very nearly begging Cas not to leave.

“Sam,” said Dean. “Go check on how the others are doing, will you?” Even though they could clearly tell, based on Jack’s screams echoing down the hall.

Sam hesitated. “You- you sure-” he stopped at the flat look Dean gave him. “Right, yeah, sure thing.” Sam glanced at Cas before hurrying out of the room.

When the door clicked shut, Cas stepped up to Dean. “Dean, I have to-”

“Sit down, Cas,” he told him, placing his glass on top of the drawers.

Cas paused, then tensed his shoulders as a glare settled over his features. “No. Will you just let me-”

“Cas!” Dean snapped, standing straight and regarding him with a hard glare. “Sit. Down.”

A tense silence passed between them as they glared at each other. Then, with a huff Castiel looked away and sat down on the bed. Dean dragged the desk chair to the bed and sat down, resting his elbows on his knees.

“Now I know this is really hard for you right now, but you have to push through and stay. put. This is a good thing for Jack-”

“How!?” Cas threw his hands up, restless. “How is this a good thing for him? He’s crying, he’s inconsolable, he’s in distress. How is something that is having such a negative effect on him a good thing?” He glared at Dean as if he were challenging him to answer.

“It may be affecting him badly now, but I promise you that this will not last forever. I know it’s hurting, but there ain’t another way for us to deal with his separation anxiety. We gotta get through the shitty stuff to get to the good results, Cas,” he reasoned, imploring Cas with his eyes to understand that this just needs to happen.

Cas opened his mouth to reply when a particularly loud screech ripped through the air. It caused the lights in the room to flicker. Cas looked in alarm towards the door, a weak sound escaping him. He threw worried, scared, eyes towards Dean and pleaded, “my son needs me, Dean.”

Dean sighed. Right. It seemed the only way to get Cas to stay put was to ground him through physical touch. He scooted the chair forward, reached out and tightly grasped Cas’ hands in his own. Cas’ gaze snapped down and back up, surprised. Dean ignored the look.

“What happens if we decide to enrol him in school, huh?” he asked the angel.

Cas’ brow furrowed, momentarily confused. “What?”

“What happens if we decide to enrol him in school?” he repeated. “Say I let you go right now, say we give up and just let you stay by Jack all the time, come whenever he calls. Okay, then what? He grows up, only knows a world where you’re always by his side. Then one day, you tell him that he has to go somewhere without you for 6 hours, everyday of every week. He reacts, only this time he knows words. He says ‘please’ and ‘no’ and ‘don’t do this, don’t leave me dad I don’t wanna go’. What then?”

Castiel winced, his heart tightening as the image of a 6-year-old Jack begging him not to leave came to mind. “I...” he trailed off, not sure what to say.

Dean nodded. “It would hurt a helluva lot more, wouldn’t it? Be a lot more difficult to leave once he has words to express how much he doesn’t want you to. And let’s say you don’t. Let’s say you cave in, because he’s your son and you love him and you don’t wanna see him cry. So you homeschool him, continue to stay by his side. You know what’s gonna happen? He’s not gonna be able to do anything without you, Cas. He’s not gonna know how,” he said, words clear and expression honest as he tried to get through to the angel.

Cas lowered his gaze, narrowing his eyes as he considered Dean’s words.

Dean suddenly laughed, bitterly saying, “I should know.”

Cas looked back up at him, tilting his head with a silent question.

Dean sighed, his shoulders dropping. “I spent most of my life with Sammy by my side every single damn day.” Castiel’s eyes cleared with understanding, but he let the other continue. “A life with Sam in it was all I knew. When he left for college... I was a mess. A big ol’ rage-filled mess. I hated Sam for leaving me, and that’s what I thought he was doing. Leaving me. He was just trying to live his life, but... I just didn’t know how to live without him. I couldn’t. I still-” he laughed breathlessly, shaking his head before gesturing to his neck. “I still get this nervous itch when he’s away for a few days. And I’m almost forty.”

He felt Cas’ hands tighten around his, and he shrugged off the sympathetic look the angel was giving him. He raised his brow towards him, questioning, “do you want that for Jack? For him to be crying and begging you not to go when you drop him off at school? For him to not go on any camping trips or sleepovers because he’d rather stay home with you? For him to get a nervous itch whenever you leave even though he’s a full grown adult?”

Cas shook his head. “No... No, I don’t want that.”

“Okay.” Dean nodded, and patted his hand once. “Then this is what you gotta do.”

Cas nodded slowly, understanding and acceptance sinking in. The lights flickered as another one of Jack’s cries echoed through the bunker. Cas sighed, suddenly feeling exhausted. “This is... this is really hard,” he finally admitted.

Dean gave a sad smile. He knew that. He knew how much Cas was struggling. He watched Cas look longingly towards the door, then made a decision. “C’mere.” He rose to his feet, tugging on Cas’ hands as he went. Cas hesitated, looking uncertain. “The offer’s gonna go away real quick if you don’t hurry up,” Dean warned. Cas stood and Dean wrapped his arms around him, tugging him in. Cas sagged against him with a sigh. He pressed his face into Dean’s shoulder, and his hands gripped at the back of his jacket.

After a moment, Cas began to cry. Dean was shocked for a moment, not expecting to hear the sniffles and hitches of breath. He had seen Cas cry quite a few times since Jack was born, but he hasn’t gotten used to it yet. He quickly got over himself. This wasn’t the time to freak out. His friend needed him. He began to rub a hand over Cas’ back. “I know it’s hard, but you’re doing the right thing,” he murmured. Cas hummed in acknowledgement, but didn’t say anything.

After another moment, Dean said, “y’know, I think I’ve seen you cry more these past few months than I have in the 12 years I’ve known you.”

“Clearly, Jack brings out the worst in me,” Cas replied, his words muffled by Dean’s shoulder.

Dean chuckled as a response. The two stood in each other’s arms, quiet apart from Castiel’s sniffling and Jack’s distant cries. The nephil caused the lights to flicker again with another screech, and Cas’ arms tightened around Dean.

“How much longer?” he asked.

Dean paused in rubbing his back to check his watch. “You got 27 more minutes to go.”

Cas nodded. “Okay. And you’ll... stay with me?”

Dean squeezed him, then resumed rubbing circles into his back. This was unusual territory for him. A hug that’s lasted this long was rare for him. But Cas was feeling bad, feeling awful, and Dean would be damned if he let him. If Cas wants Dean to stay by his side during this, then so be it. “Of course, Cas. Of course...”

----

Alright, that’s it for now. I got carried away ajshfkajhfaj but fuck it I’m actually invested in this AU now, dammit. This wasn’t part of the plan!!

Now to tag some lovely people <3 your comments brighten my day

@arimeii @marvelmisha @astermacguffin @cursed-byesexual @kichisk2020

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sortasirius · 4 years

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“Last Call” and Canon Bi Dean

This is going to be very long, very rambly, and very emotional.

Really though, I had high expectations going into this, and quite honestly? Jeremy Adams blew me away.

This episode is about Dean’s growth, it’s about who he was to Lee, and who he is now, about overcoming his own desire to just stop caring and keep on fighting for the innocent. But most importantly to me? This episode canonized bi Dean.

So let’s just get right into it, we know from the beginning that we’re meeting Lee, Dean’s old friend that Sam doesn’t really know or isn’t really close with, but the way Dean leaves? He doesn’t want to bring down the mood of Sam and Eileen in his post breakup depression funk? Good grief.

The bar is cool and right up Dean’s alley, and right out of the gate we get the promo scene with the waitress that we were all wigging out about. And my hunch was right, Dean just kinda rolls right by, which man, Dean from season 1? Hell no. She’s just his type, clearly into him, and yet, Dean’s world literally falls away when he sees Lee Webb singing onstage.

You can’t really do justice to the way with words to the way that Dean looks when he sees Lee and realizes who he is, Jensen and Christian have so much NUANCE in their scenes together, and the history behind them is palpable, even though we don’t know the extent of it. And Lee is just the same way, looking Dean up and down and “Dean Winchester,” just to hammer home that something is going on here and we should not ignore it.

“You got time?” “Always.” Bruh. There are so many details that we can pick up on about them, their relationship, who they were to each other. Even Dean’s little “you sound good,” come on guys, what the fuck?

That’s another thing: why don’t we know the history? Why do they shy away from talking about why they split apart? Dean is clearly upset when Lee mentions Arizona, what happened? Why did John and Dean never mention Lee? And obviously Lee knows John, hell he seems more sorry than Dean does that John’s dead, but then again, the Dean that Lee remembers idolized John, so that’s definitely a big change for Lee, because Dean clearly doesn’t idolize John anymore.

I just want to hear about everything that’s mentioned in the episode in more detail: Lee and Dean went hunting together, presumably alone, since John caught them drunk on a hunt. What went on? I think we know. How often did they hunt together? How long had they known each other? D E T A I L S please Jeremy Adams!!!

“I don’t think I have seen you since Sammy was in college.”

“Right.”

“I mean, hell, I thought you were-”

“Dead?”

Also Lee does this little teasing laugh and everything about them is soft and my chest hurts.

“I mean, that’s usually how this ends, isn’t it?”

And what I want to talk about here is Lee’s reaction, because he doesn’t shrug and do the usual “so it goes” that so many hunters do, he looks at Dean, like really looks at him, he sighs and says a simple “yeah” with this look that’s so soft and so full of something and Dean looks away (doing his eye motion thing he does with Cas) and Lee breaks contact too and looks down and smiles and oh my god. I told yall this was going to be rambly but I didn’t draw breath while typing that lmao.

I wanna know about the Arizona thing, I want to know why it made Dean uncomfortable when Lee mentioned it, and I want to know why it’s glossed over. These two were like best friends, you can tell, and for them to just stop talking? Hm.

They swap tales, talking about the triplets that they “split em up fair and square” even though that’s not possible and they had an orgy obviously. Dean has this look with the waitress again and you can tell he appreciates it but like? That’s the end of it? In the next scene she’s gone and it’s just Lee and Dean talking, Dean making Lee laugh and enjoying it, it’s just so...romantic?

And even though, the second that Lee doesn’t recognize someone he should puts all of us, as the audience on alert, it doesn’t even cross Dean’s mind that Lee is doing something wrong, it’s not even on his radar.

“There’s nothing you can’t have, man.”

“Then who’s gonna kill the bad guys?”

“Somebody else.”

And Dean looks away, because it’s clear what Lee is asking. He’s asking for Dean to stay.

When Lee starts up the band, I was just struck by how much they look at each other, getting in each other’s space, Lee leaning forward, Dean watching him walk away. Guys. This happened in front of our faces on screen.

“Can’t sit around lip syncing ‘Eye of the Tiger’ when no one’s watching.”

This is a callback to the ghost sickness episode, but also an intimate moment that no one gets to see of Dean. Sam catches him in the act of it on that episode, so how does Lee know he does this?

And then, let’s get to the singing. Dean’s always postured to Sam that he can’t sing (which we all know Jensen has the voice of an angel) and the buildup to him actually singing was so beautiful, because Lee knows he can, he teases him with the “Eye of the Tiger” thing, winks at him, keeps trying to pull him onstage, stands there and bites his lip when Dean’s singing. I mean. I’m at a loss to what else you would think about them, it’s just plain as day: they were together.

The whole thing is just so playful, and we never see playful like this from Dean. It’s flirty and funny and sweet and just such a nice change of pace, so good for Dean to be with someone that clearly wants to be with him, who he has history with (amidst the divorce he’s currently in w Cas). Even when they sing together they can’t keep their eyes off of each other and the whole thing is honestly too much it’s so fanfic-y and I can’t handle it.

And then, the big thing, Lee slaps Dean’s ass in the middle of the song, and Dean doesn’t blush, he doesn’t stand up straighter like that’s weird or wrong, he grins this huge amazing beautiful grin and says “you son of a bitch.” What else are we looking for here? He’s bi. He’s bi. With the lighting behind him and the bar named Swayze’s and Lee staring holes through him, we finally saw onscreen, canonical proof that he’s bi. Sure, it’s been hella subtextual before, but this is text, and no one can ignore it.

At the end of the song, one of Lee’s hands is gripping Dean’s shoulder, and Dean’s arm is around Lee’s waist?????????? Help??????

They round it all out with kicking some gross guys out of Lee’s bar, and Lee stares at Dean and says “still got it.” I mean....I’m running out of ways to say the same thing over and over.

“Best friend’s don’t just leave without saying goodbye.”

“They do if they deserve it.”

Hmmmmmmmm, something to think about with these lines.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on okay, but this is not you.”

Compare that with:

“Cas, this isn’t you, this isn’t you.”

Cool. Fine. I want to die.

Lee became the monster because he thought there was no point in being a good person anymore. You can’t stave them off so you might as well “have a little fun.” Which I think is interesting because of how apathetic and hopeless Dean’s been since Chuck, since Jack, since Mary, since Rowena, but when it comes down to it, he’s always going to care, which is why we love him.

But what I really want to talk about is the way Dean’s face twists when Lee touches him, he turns his head away, his face contorts, like he wanted Lee to touch him, but not like this. We’ve seen Dean’s heart break so much in this show, he’s lost so much and so many, but this is something so different. It’s not only betrayal, or a realization that he has to kill Lee, it’s the loss of what he had with Lee, what he felt for him. It hurts to watch as an audience member, and I can’t imagine how it is for Dean.

Dean’s voice also breaks when he tries to call Lee back, in case you still had any tears left to cry.

The gunfight is intense, but not nearly as intense as what’s coming.

“I don’t know you.”

“You don’t Dean? I am you. I’m just you that woke up and saw that the world was broken.”

“Then you fix it. You don’t walk away, you fight for it!”

No double meanings in this episode are there? Perhaps this is a little bit of what happened between them all those years ago bubbling to the surface?

And then we get one of the best fight scenes in the show, and you know when Dean gets that cue stick, that it’s game over for Lee, but what I wasn’t expecting is the sheer heartbreak on Dean’s face. They both look down at the wound, like they’re both surprised, and Lee holds Dean, he fucking holds him, and this fucking piano music plays when Lee says “okay” and drops to the floor, and Dean leans against the pool table because fuck, how much more can he lose?

And because not even THAT is enough, ten seconds of divorced Destiel distress? Where Dean clearly wants to talk to Cas but Cas is still giving him the cold shoulder and it breaks Dean’s heart but he doesn’t know how to fix it????

There’s just so much to unpack here, the show is teaching us new things about Sam and Dean and Cas all the time, and yet I feel like I really know Dean know, I;ve seen a little bit of him that I had never seen before, and I’m just grateful. I’m grateful for Dean, grateful for these writers, grateful for his growth. I’m grateful for the angst and the happiness he had with Lee, however fleeting, and I’m grateful that I get to leave this episode with the fact that Dean is oncreen bi. Sure, it can be up to interpretation, he didn’t come out and say it, but that’s because he didn’t have to. Lee knew, so we knew, and that was all that mattered.

This silly, weird show is important to me for so many reasons, (clearly, since I talk about it all the damn time), but Dean especially is so important to me, I see so much of myself in him, and him being allowed to be him, without some grand coming out scene is even better than I could have ever hoped for. So thank you, Jeremy Adams, for giving us bi Dean, and one of my absolute all time favorite episodes in the show.

#supernatural #dean winchester #bi dean #dean #supernatural meta #spoilers #spn 15x07 #this is SO LONG!!#lee webb #meta #my meta #writing #i cried writing this and i am unashamed

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ao3gingerswag · 3 years

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on the whole idea of the boys when they're older interacting with kids, what if one day a kid comes in with his family who's like rly shy and timid, like not bc of abuse he's just rly shy and with his family who are perhaps quite boisterous and he's not and he gets quite anxious and there's a whole thing where the boys are able to bring him out of his shell ;~; like when he and his family are sitting down for a meal dean comes out with their food and makes him relax bc hes so good with kids. he comes down during the night bc he heard a noise and got scared and cas is down there cleaning up for the night and talks to him about nature to calm him down and the boy is like :)) and then the next morning he's outside and there's other kids who are playing with sam and he's off to the side but sam notices and is able to bring him into the play and he ends up making friends with the other kids, and then by the time the family have to leave the inn he's like smiling and happy and he turns to his parents and is like 'can we come back here soon :D' and it's this rly nice moment, maybe from his perspective so we get to see others reactions to the boys :))

ALSO AS I WAS WRITING THIS I HAD AN EPIPHANY WHAT IF THE BOY IS JACK. DOESN'T NEED TO BE BUT IT WORKS KINDA WELL!!

awwww this is so cute!!! Maybe this could be combined with the prompt about cas helping the family with an autistic child and helping the parents understand their kid better....like maybe the kid is autistic and so he has a hard time talking sometimes and is withdrawn bc of difficulty interacting with others. and dean is so good with kids, even if he can't spot right away that the kid is autistic like cas would be able to, he can tell when he comes out with the food that the kid is in distress. like he's like and here's yours sir :) to the kid (dean is very polite but he is calling the kid sir as a bit of a joke to make the kid smile) and the kid like doesnt look up and the parents are like oh sorry he's just shy. and dean is like oh. hmmm. cause the kid has like his fingers clenched in his tunic. when he comes back out he like crouches next to the kid to make him feel more comfortable and is like hey :) i'm dean :) and the kid doesnt look up or say anything and the parents r like sorry he gets like this idk why. jack look at the nice boy and introduce yourself. (i didnt watch the later seasons but from what i see on tumblr.edu the consensus is that jack is autistic so!) and dean is like no thats ok he doesnt have to look at me/talk to me. and then to jack he's like. u know i have a friend who doesn't always look at people or talk to them and we get along just fine. so i think me and jack are gonna get along great :) and then to jack he's like. you know. my friend and i dont always talk using our voices. sometimes we use our hands! (i guess this is post meeting eileen- i've said this on a different post but once dean cas and sam r introduced to the concept of sign language they adopt it immediately bc cas feels so much more comfortable communicating like that when he's having trouble w/ words) and jack is like ??! so turns towards dean w/o making eye contact, clearly intrigued. and dean is like :) wanna see? :) and jack nods. and dean shows him a few basic signs and jack mimics him. and one of the words is upset. and then once jack learns it, dean signs "you upset?" to him. ;~; and jack nods. and dean is like. wanna tell me what's up? maybe i can help! and then jack does the shy kid thing of indicating with body language that they dont wanna say what's wrong out loud, so dean leans in and jack whispers into his ear "loud." and dean is like oh! i see! we can fix that :) can i tell your parents what you just told me? and jack nods. so dean says to the parents (who r looking on in bemusement) its a bit loud in here for jack. mind if i take him outside for a minute? and the parents are like oh! sweetheart why didnt you tell us? (they arent bad parents they just dont get jack and its the middle ages so its not like there is info out there) and jack shrugs and the parents sort of helplessly shrug at each other, bc jack not verbalizing issues is a common problem for them. and they r like um its ok u dont have to take him outside we will take him. but do u mind bringing our food outside and stuff. like can we eat there. and dean is like of course no problem! and theyre like r u sure? im sorry that u have to go out of ur way for us, im sorry about our son, he can be. kinda fussy sometimes. and dean is like literally dont worry about it!

so then jack's parents take him outside and they all eat on the porch, and dean keeps popping back over to check on them. and jack is clearly much happier and starts to become much more verbal now that he's not overstimulated. still shy and quiet but much more smiley and every time dean brings them something he's very quietly like "thank you."

omg! maybe dean notices that he's not eating his food and so he's like do we want something else? and the parents r like omg no omg im sorry he's just so particular about what he likes omg the food is great jack pls eat ur food dont be rude. and dean is like he's not being rude at all he's a very polite young man :) id be happy to bring something else out. and the parents r like. well. if you're sure...he likes things that r like. boring. like really really boring. like plain porridge with nothing in it and stuff like that. and dean is like mashed potatoes? and the parents r like yes! and jack perks up. and so he brings that out for jack. and he brings it out and the parents r like omg omg thank u SO much for going so out of ur way for our weird kid even tho he still wont look at u at all. they dont say that part they're not assholes to jack, its implied tho and jack kinda curls into himself bc hes embarrassed about causing problems. and dean ofc notices and is like. u know. my friend who talks with his hands can be very particular too. he doesnt like the noise in the dining room either, and he also only likes certain foods. and jack perks up again :)

ahhh he keeps coming out to check on them and he's like hey how u doing? and!! oh no maybe dean also taught him the sign for happy and he signs "happy" at dean ;~:

to be clear- dean doesn't make the connection that jack LIKE like cas, as in he's autistic, at least not yet. like i think he WOULD if he had more time with him, but cas is the only autistic person he's ever met, and he just met jack. dean def just thinks he's very shy, but he's great with kids and can tell right away that jack is upset, and he shows him the signs not cause he realizes that jack is actually non-verbal in that moment but because he really doesnt care if the kid doesn't want to talk to him, he just wants to help. and he shows him the signs and stuff bc he wants the kid to tell him whats wrong, but kids wont tell strangers that if u just ask upfront, you have to gain their trust a little first ;~; and dean understands all of this instinctually bc he's great with kids so he manages to figure out whats wrong and solve the problem even without realizing that jack is autistic. ;~;

the person who figures out that jack is autistic is definitely cas!! jack comes down in the middle of the night maybe not cause he hears a noise, maybe he just cant sleep bc he hates his routine being disrupted and being in a new place ;~; and the sheets feel all wrong and everything smells wrong and everything is different and he hates it ;~; so he comes downstairs maybe be he's crying and he doesnt want to wake his parents up. and cas is downstairs cleaning up still, it's totally quiet tho now so there is no overstimulation. and cas is like oh! a tiny person!! uuhhh.... he def panics a little bc he's not good w people and he's not sure what to do with a random crying child. maybe he briefly considers waking dean up bc dean is good with kids and also maybe he saw dean talking to jack earlier. but then hes like no dean is tired i dont want to bother him ill try to deal with it. and hes like um. hello. um. my name is castiel i am the owner of this inn. um i guess u dont care about that. um. r u ok? and then the kid signs "upset" ;~; and cas is like oh! bc thats their signs! so he signs "what's wrong, why are you upset?" back even tho like it's just their home signs so how would this kid know them. but he signed "upset" so cas responds kinda on instinct. and the kid does not understand anything other than upset bc dean only showed him like 5 signs and he kinda already forgot the other ones. but it doesnt matter! bc those r hand words like dean was talking about and showing him! which must mean this is his friend who doesnt like looking at people or talking!! and jack is verbally like. r u dean's friend who doesnt like looking at people or talking. and cas is like um? yeah i guess? thats me. and jack is like ! i am very particular too! and bc he trusts dean and now by extension cas, and believes dean about cas being "particular" like him, he doesnt feel embarrassed about admitting what's wrong. and he spills his guts hes like everything is WRONG i dont like how anything feels or smells or tastes and everything is different from how it is at home and i HATE it and mom and dad says thats rude but i dont want to be rude but i cant sleep bc everything is all wrong!!! ;~; and he says all this not looking at cas and waving his hands around his head. and cas is like......................................................................oh. hm. i see. this is Me.

so he's just very empathetic and is like im really sorry i totally understand, you're not being rude, i also feel that way whenever we travel and i also am very selective about what i can touch and eat and stuff and am very sensitive to the physical environment. i know i cant fix it all but is there anything i can do to help you feel better? do u want to try some different blankets? and he takes jack to the linen closet and is extremely patient as he brings down each blanket and lets jack touch each one and decide which is the best. and it DOESNT solve everything but just having someone take him seriously and listen to him makes jack feel so much better and hes eventually able to go back to sleep ;~;

in the morning theyre outside, sam who's like 16 or whatever is chasing the kids around playing tickle monster. and jack's parents try to get him to go play with sam and the other kids but he doesnt want to he's too shy and anxious. and cas keeps staring at jack like :( bc he KNOWS but he doesnt know what to do about it. he brings it up with dean and dean is like OH. i see THATS what was going on with him he's like you! and cas is like yeah :( idk what to do about it...

sam sees jack hanging around with his parents on the side and he's like hey! do u want to come play? and jack is like................ and his parents r like sorry hes really shy. and sam is like thats ok! i have an idea, why dont we change the game and we can play hide and seek! (bc that doesnt require jack to jump in to interacting with a big crowd of kids) he's like :) i bet u can hide real well! :) and jack is like! :D and he nods bc hes like whoa i CAN hide really well! and they play hide and ofc sam is the seeker but when he finds the kids he always kinda turns it into man hunt cause he's like ah HA i got u!!! and he chases them around. and eventually he finds jack and hes like mwahahahaha now im gonna EAT you!!! and jack like screeches and giggles and bolts away and sam chases him and the other kids, and basically he like tricks jack into playing the exact same game they were playing before by like easing him into it by not making the start of the game require walking up to a crowd of ppl. but then once they r in the game he's ok just running around with the other kids :)

meanwhile dean and cas watch this and dean is like. do u want to talk to the parents. and cas is like. :/ i dont know how to do that. like how would we even start that conversation. and dean is like. i can help u :) so he does! he's like hey u remember i was talking about my friend to ur son the other day? this is he! u met him when u were checking in! ive noticed that he's like really really similar to ur son and has some of the same issues, and we were wondering if u wanted to talk about how cas deals with some of those things? and basically dean eases them into the conversation and makes it unintimidating for both parties. and cas teaches the parents all about the concept of sign language, and how going non-verbal is more than just being shy, and like they start describing situations in which jack was like Weird theyre like one time he started screaming and crying and rocking in public we didnt know what to do! and cas is like well where were u? what was going on? and like helps them identify the kinds of sensory things that probably trigger jack and stuff. and just like. its a good convo.

omg and cas is literate by this point and maybe the parents r too and hes like. if u ever wanna write to me and ask me about more shit and whatever pls dont hesitate. and then they DO and basically they help this family understand and raise their autistic son and its great!!! :D

anyway this is a VERY long response i definitely just outlined a mini-fic here.

#ao3gingerswag #asks #prompts #ideas #wander home #!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this was fun now i have to do hw

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leavesdriftinginthewind · 3 years

Text

Back to rant about Supernatural AGAIN and probably for the last time with my own written words. I’m actually devastated that the show ended the way it did. The last two episodes felt so rushed and weird and maybe that was because of Covid but everyone said they didn’t mess with the last two episodes too much between March and September so I guess those eps were just going to be awkward and feel out of place and disconnected from the rest of the show regardless of the pandemic. But I funneled so much love into this show for almost 8 years, and I’ve put so many people onto the show because I loved it so much, and I jokingly told all those people that if they ever felt like they wanted to quit after season 8 they probably could but now I feel seriously about quitting. My boyfriend is on season 10 right now and I felt pretty good about watching it with him through the end but now I don’t want to. I want to just let him finish it on his own. I probably won’t, but I WANT to, and that’s HEARTBREAKING to me.

And I’m so upset because two characters that the fan base loved so passionately, Cas and Dean, both got fucked over so terribly in the last 3 hours of airtime. Castiel never really knew he was loved by ANYBODY he loved (minus maybe Jack, who I think did an okay job of showing how much Cas meant to him). Dean basically shat all over the poor guy for years now and while Sam and Cas got closer Sam never really told him how much he meant to him, either. And I really truly believed that maybe we would get to hear how much Dean loved Cas, even if it WAS just platonic, and even if WE were the only ones who got to hear it, but NO. HE NEVER REALLY ADDRESSED HOW SHATTERED HE WOULD BE AFTER CAS DIED ASIDE FROM THE 30 SECONDS AT THE END OF 15.18, THE 15 SECONDS OF DRUNKENNESS WE WITNESSED IN 15.19, AND THE RUSH TO THE DOOR WHEN LUCIFER PRANKCALLED HIM. And THAT PRANK CALL was the last we EVER heard from Misha. I thought when they did THAT that we MUST get Cas back SOMEHOW but NO. Castiel deserved more, the character revived the show and helped make the fan base so passionate and helped DRIVE the show for the last 11 years, but we got no resolution for him. We didn’t get Dean telling him how much he appreciated him and loved him (EVEN IF IT WASNT ROMANTIC I DONT EVEN GIVE A SHIT IF IT WAS BUT DEAN DID LOVE HIM IN SOME WAY) and we didn’t get Sam giving Cas one last hug and telling him how thankful he was that Cas was on this ride with them for so long, we didn’t get anything. We got the tiniest crumb of acknowledgement that he wasn’t just rotting in the Empty and that’s IT. Bullshit

And DEAN. My sweet broken boy. He always thought he’d go out on a hunt and I so desperately wanted him not to. And I so thought that after years of character development of Dean realizing there was more to life than hunting and Sammy, of realizing there were things to live for, and after Cas TELLING HIM SO BLUNTLY HOW AMAZING A MAN HE WAS AND THAT HE DESERVED LOVE AND HAPPINESS, I thought that he’d GET that. I thought he’d get to live a happy life, especially after Cas so lovingly died for him. But NO. He went out on a hunt without ever getting to live happily for longer than a few weeks and without any of his found family he so carefully put together. And if he REALLY had to go out on a hunt, fine, but he DESERVED to have a funeral SURROUNDED by all the people he helped and all the people that loved him that were still alive. He DESERVED to have Jody and Donna and the girls and the hunters that respected him and anybody he saved attending the funeral to pay their respects and Sam DESERVED to have those people there for him. Dean did not deserve to die and have only Sam and a dog there. He had more in this world than his brother and that was a MASSIVE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND PLOT DEVICE TO THE WHOLE SHOW but you’d never know it by watching the finale. And the fact that we never got to see Dean reunite with his loved ones (minus Bobby) in heaven is absolute bullshit and I understand that Covid maybe limited some of that but COME ON. If I could let hundreds of people a week go play Minigolf in a pandemic I’m PRETTY SURE A TV NETWORK COULD HAVE SAFELY FOUND A WAY TO LET DEAN SEE HIS PARENTS AND HIS DEAD FRIENDS AND C A S again, and claiming otherwise is honestly Grade A fuckery.

And honestly Misha and Jensen and Jared deserved better. The writers knew the majority of people would be dissatisfied with the ending. They told us so. Jensen didn’t like the ending. He told us so. Why did nobody think “hm maybe we should work out some way it could be satisfying to at least A FEW MORE PEOPLE, INCLUDING OUR LEAD WHO DEDICATED 15 YEARS OF HIS LIFE TO THIS.” Misha acted his ass off in 15.18 and it was beautiful and tragic and I cried like a bitch, and Jared and Jensen acted their asses off for nearly two decades and made me cry countless times, including this trash heap of an episode. I SOBBED for my boys that I loved so deeply, and I sobbed for them because I loved the characters and I loved the actors. And I feel TERRIBLY knowing that all three of them probably saw the reactions to the episode last night and today and are probably wondering why they poured so much of their lives and hearts and souls into this show and these characters for people to just be so upset and hurt and they’re probably wondering what they could do to try and make it better and honestly Jensen and Misha are probably wondering if they should have fought their endings harder and that makes me so sad. I have nothing but love for these men and for their characters and they just deserved BETTER. They deserved better from the writers and they deserved better from the showrunners and they deserved better from the execs and they deserved better from the network. And I’m sad that I’m so viscerally disappointed in a show I’ve loved for so long.

#supernatural #spn #spnfamily #spn s15 #spn 15x20 #spn finale #Jared Jensen and Misha deserved so much better #Cas and Dean deserved so much better #WE DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER #and I’m just sad and hurt and disappointed

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crinkled-emotions · 5 years

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Leviathan

Read it on AO3 if that’s easier for you! I’m also working on the Sam/Castiel square so that should be coming soon.

Square filled: Leviathan!Sam

Tagging @samwinchesterbingo so that they can see how much I’m actually enjoying this card. I wasn’t sure if I could write this much but I feel good so far :)

As he towered over she stared with wide eyes, holding her hand out in a desperate attempt to stop him.

“Sam, this isn’t you.”

“This is me! The REAL me, the one deep down that everyone tries to push aside!”

Sam swiped at her with his knife and she fell to the floor. Tears streamed down her face and she held her palm outstretched toward him, shielding her face with her shoulder.

“Sam listen to me. This isn’t you and you know that; a Leviathan has control over you but I know you’re still in there somewhere. Castiel has Dean, Dean’s safe-“

“-I’m so tired of hearing about Dean! It’s always Dean this, Dean that! How about for once it be Sam this, oh Sammy’s got this? Dean can go back to hell for all I care; in all the years I’ve been there for him all he’s done is shove me around, punch me, talk me down. Not anymore.”

Well shit. Dean had been her trump card.

“I know he’s not the best person in the world. I know he treats you like shit sometimes, but he loves you, Sam. Deep down you know that too. He would do anything for you, and he’s demonstrated that time and time again.”

Cas appeared behind and held a wooden pick close to Sam’s neck, a finger to his lips. She swallowed, rolling out of the way to dodge the knife Sam still had. The Leviathan in him was quick but they weren’t that quick. As she dodged again Castiel leapt forward, taking a hold of Sam by the neck before he shoved the wooden pick in. The Leviathan showed its true form and Castiel was quick to kill it, shoving his angel blade between its eyes. The creature screeched, dissipating into the air as Sam collapsed. His body was still, no visible signs of Sam breathing and she stared at Cas, wide eyed. Cas frowned and knelt beside his friend, nudging his shoulder. She crawled over, giving his shoulder a shake.

“S-Sam- Sam?”

With no response Castiel rolled him over on to his back, ripping the wood out as he fast as he could. Sam gasped for air as he woke, grasping at his neck where Castiel had removed the object.

“Sam, I need you to relax. I’m going to help you, but you need to close your eyes.”

Castiel nodded at the girl cradling his head.

“You too.”

Even through her closed eyes, she could still see and feel the golden warmth of Cas using his grace.

“Red?”

She span on her heel, coming face to face with Dean. His eyes were dark and it was obvious he’d been crying. When he went to speak she realised something was playing on his mind.

“Red, I, uh- well, I- I heard what… I heard what Sam was saying while you were trying to get through to him, and I was just- do you think he really thinks that?”

Dean had the look of a kicked puppy- something Red had never seen before- and she shook her head.

“That wasn’t Sam talking; it wasn’t your brother or my boyfriend, or Cas’s best friend or Jack’s father. That was a Leviathan Dean, you know they manipulate the host’s thoughts and feelings to wield them into something harmful. Sam does get annoyed sometimes, yeah, but I’d really doubt he felt that strongly about you. He’s your brother, Dean.”

“Yeah, but maybe- maybe I dunno, maybe I pushed him around too much. Maybe I asked too much and I never returned the favour.”

“Dean, you saved his life. Countless times. Sam’s so grateful for that.”

Red took Dean by the arms, giving him a squeeze.

“You can talk to Sam about it tomorrow, okay? Let Jack have his dad back for a little while before we start questioning him.”

“Yeah. I guess so. Thanks, Red.”

“SAM!”

Jack barrelled down the hallway a mile a minute when he heard the bunker door open, navigating the long corridors with very little consideration as he ran to see Sam. When he got there Sam was waiting for him and he wrapped Jack in a hug, sighing into his shoulder.

“Holy shit kid,” he murmured. Red placed her hand on Sam’s shoulder, and when he looked at her she just sent him a small smile. Jack released Sam and Sam ruffled his hair.

“What’s been goin’ on while we were gone?”

“Nothing interesting. I missed you, Sam.”

“I missed you too dude.”

Sam wrapped an arm around Jack’s shoulders, nudging Red’s side. She took his free hand, giving it a squeeze. Dean and Cas appeared, carrying all of the duffle bags. When Red went to take hers Cas just shook his head.

“No need, I have this.”

He snapped his fingers and the bag disappeared. Dean rolled his eyes, heaving his and Sam’s duffels over his shoulders.

“Guess I’ll do it the human way then.”

Everyone laughed, watching as Dean walked down the hallway. He turned the corner and Cas sighed, making a brief gesture with his hand.

“Thanks man!”

Dean’s voice could be heard from where they were and everyone smiled. Sam gave Jack’s shoulder and Red’s hand simultaneous squeezes, simply living in the moment.

“Sam?”

“Yeah?”

Sam looked up from his phone, surprised to see Dean hanging around the entrance to the war room. His face was pinched tight into worry, the lines from his eyes Sam usually connected to a smile now told him Dean was upset.

“Dean?”

“We gotta talk man.”

Sam hummed, watching as Dean sat. His brother opened a new beer, tossing the cap to the table as usual. The younger Winchester regarded his brother with curiosity when he realised something was really eating at Dean.

“Dude… what happened? Are you good?”

“Oh, yeah man, we’re good.”

Dean took a sip of his beer, Sam putting his cup of tea on to the table.

“Look, I’m just gonna come straight out with it. When the Leviathan had you, and I know they dig through your subconscious thoughts to manipulate them and all, but… that Leviathan told Red that you would prefer I was back in hell. I know that, like… we have our differences and all, but I didn’t-“

“-dude. What are you talking about?”

Sam straightened his posture, holding up a hand to stop Dean’s rambling.

“Dean, I don’t… I don’t get where the hell you got that from. I’ve never felt that way, okay?”

“Bullshit, Sam!”

Dean slammed his hand on the table, Sam almost jumping out of his seat. He shook his head, focusing on Dean.

“Dean I swear… I have never felt that way-“

“-Dean, stop. Now.”

Castiel had appeared and he seemed irritated, fully dressed but sleepy for some reason. Dean shoved his chair back as he stood, and stormed away. Sam frowned, resting his head on the table.

“Sorry, Cas, you were probably busy-“

“-no, I wasn’t, but Jack heard Dean. He’s with Red now.”

Sam’s eyes widened, and he headed for his room. He stopped on his heel and spun to face Cas.

“Really, I have no idea what Dean was talking about.”

“I do. Get some rest Sam.”

Castiel nodded at him and Sam opened his mouth to respond, then chose to head to his room.

Red and Jack were sitting on the end of Sam and Red’s bed. Jack was mumbling something and Red had herself wrapped around him- it had almost become her job at that point to mother Jack just as Sam and Cas fathered the Nephilim. She looked up and saw Sam, a smile reaching her lips for a moment before it fell. She rubbed Jack’s back and leaned in to whisper in his ear. His head shot up, and he whipped around to face Sam.

“Sam…”

“Jack, hey, I uh…”

“Is it true? Were you really thinking of sending Dean back to hell? I haven’t always gotten along with him, I’m pretty sure he wants to kill me still, but even I haven’t considered-“

“-Jack I swear to you here and now that I have never- I would never… I wouldn’t do that to Dean. You know I’ve been there, a couple times apparently, and I wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on anyone.”

“But the Leviathan had to have leverage from somewhere! They don’t make that up Sam, you know that!”

“Look, Jack, I didn’t wish Dean back to hell, okay?! As I told you I wouldn’t wish that on anyone!”

“Then what did you wish for?!” Jack yelled back, his entire body shaking with anger and the nephilim’s eyes glowed gold. Red grabbed him by the shoulders, pulling him to sit down.

“Jack, you need to calm down and listen to Sam.”

By now Sam was close to tears, his head hung low.

“We were fighting… it was a bad one, this time. I know we say that kind of often, but… this was definitely up there in the worst fights section.”

His voice was croaky and weak, but Jack kept his head away.

“It was just- I dunno, I wanted to hurt him, but- but it just slipped out, and it wasn’t a conscious thought, but I was so mad, and-“

“-Sam…”

“- just the idea that I wished my own brother to die, even after fighting so hard to bring him back so many times, it just… I feel sick.”

His body was shaking and he stumbled to his desk chair, collapsing on to it in a flurry of arms and legs. His shoulders caved in on himself and he breathed heavily. He had never expected to feel this way, but now that he’d started he didn’t think he could stop. Red got off the bed and strode over to kneel in front of Sam, taking his hands.

“What happened, Sam?”

“It- it was something that I’m really not proud of, Jack, it’s something that I pushed to the back of my mind but I guess the Leviathan really brought out the worst in me.”

“Hm.”

Red kept her eyes on Sam, but reached out behind her.

“C’mere Jack.”

Jack stepped forward cautiously, kneeling down beside Red. She hugged him close, Sam looking up.

“Jack, I need you to know that wasn’t me. The things that Leviathan blurted out were complete bullshit.”

“I know Sam. M’sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry dude, please don’t be sorry.”

“Gah, chick flick moments.”

Dean and Castiel stood at the doorway, leaning on the doorframe. Red poked her head up and glared, surprised when Dean crossed into the room. His arms wrapped carefully around Sam’s neck from behind, giving him a gentle hug.

“It’s okay man, it’s okay. I believe you.”

Castiel entered and stood beside Jack, his hand in Jack’s hair brushing through carefully. His free hand held on to Red’s shoulder, and when she looked up at him he sent her a small, Cas-smile. Red knew exactly what he was telling her and stood back, taking Jack with her. The three watched as Sam and Dean hugged their argument out, surprised when Sam got up to apolgise to Dean. Dean held his tall brother, sighing against his shoulder.

“Sam I know you, and I know we can get in each other’s hair sometimes. I’m sorry too, sometimes you need space and I don’t get the hint.”

“Sometimes it’s the other way around,” Sam admitted, feeling Dean chuckle.

“Sometimes. But right now, we’re cool. I won’t kill you if you don’t kill me, deal?”

“Deal.”

Castiel gave Red’s hip a squeeze and she nudged Jack’s side.

“Aren’t you hungry? I doubt you’ve eaten anything healthy since we left.”

“You said you wouldn’t tell Sam! And Red!”

Jack’s voice trailed down the hallway as he followed Red to the kitchen. With the original trio together, the brothers let Cas into their hug.

“Thanks for saving my ass Cas, I owe you one,” Sam murmured. Cas laughed.

“I think we’re even at this point, Sam.”

#Sam Winchester Bingo 2019 #Sam Winchester #Supernatural #Reader friendly

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dearspn-blog · 7 years

Text

Comfort - Dean x Reader.

Title: Comfort

Summary: You talking some sense into Dean, about how his past doesn’t define him. How what he did, or what he had to do isn’t something he should beat himself over. That, it’s okay. That, you love him more than he could ever think. And dean, just crying because.. god dammit, has he waited so long for someone to comfort him the way you have.

Pairing: Dean x Reader (Gender Neutral, I think. I do not think it mentions the READERS gender or anything about them.)

Word Count: 1,253

Genre: Fluff, and angst?? not rlly maybe who knows tf

Requested by: No one, lol. Jus a soft lil me.

Warnings: Just fluff, and mentions of Dean’s past. And what he’s done, or did. Swearing. Self-loathing dean.

You tossed and turned in your bed, hoping to grab Dean and cuddle him. When your arm looked for Dean’s body in the dark, there was nothing but an empty space. And this is where you knew, Dean was up reflecting. He came to bed at the same time as you, but he was quiet. This made you realize Dean was in one of his moods, but you thought nothing of it until as of this moment.

You stayed in bed for a few minutes before you ripped the sheets off of you, and opened the door quietly tip-toeing, down to the library where you figured Dean was; either taking shots of vodka to numb his pain, or drowning himself in empty research.

As you made it to the bunkers iconic library, there you saw Dean’s back. He was wearing a long red sleeve shirt. As you gazed around the environment, on the table next to Dean’s arm was a bottle of alcohol. It was still halfway full. You could tell, he was thinking if he should uncap the bottle and chug it down or be sober. You knew he was in a self-loathing mood.

You creeped your way behind him as the floors creaked.

“Dean?” You whispered, but loud enough for him to hear you.

“Honey, are you okay?” You added on.

No response.

You slowly pulled out a chair so you could sit down next to him, with the chair lightly screeching on the floor, it rapidly caught Dean out of his thoughts. That’s when he noticed you.

“Hm?” He said in distraught.

“Why.. Why are you up?” He said eyeing you up in down, not in lust but in confusion. In pain.

“I’m up because you’re up.” You said rubbing your eyes and yawning. It was probably 4 am, but living with the Winchesters your sleep schedule was already ruined. You sat down next to Dean, sliding the alcohol away, he eyed the bottle that slid away then turned his gaze to his hands that were resting on the table.

You placed your hand on his back, rubbing it slightly. You were comforting him.

“Are you okay?”

You said to him, hopefully he’d reply and vent to you.

“I don’t know..”

“I really don’t know Y/N..”

He said, trying not to break apart. Trying not to cry. Trying not to clench his fists.

You looked at him with compassion.

“Why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind. I’m here for you, am I not? Tell me how you feel.” You said softly.

There was a silence in the room for a second, before Dean spoke.

“Do you love me?” He uttered under his breath.

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, you were suddenly upset. Why would he ask such a question? Of course you loved him, you focused on his face before replying as quick as you could.

“Yes. Yes I do! Why..Why would you ask that, Dean?”

He shook his head gently, chuckling sarcastically

“How could you love me, Y/N? I’m a mons-”

“Stop.” You cut him off. “Don’t say anything else.”

You knew where this was headed, and you hated every inch of what he was going to say. He was going to pick himself apart piece by piece, he was going to ramble about how much of a monster he was. He was going to beat himself down. And you fucking hated that. Not because you didn’t want to hear it. But because you didn’t want him to feel the way he does. Because it’s not true, it’ll never be true. No matter what demon played with his mind, what anyone said. What he thinks.

“Look at me.” You said in a stern voice,

“Look at me, Dean.” You said once more.

And he did, his eyes gazed over to you slowly. He swallowed the lump in his throat. His gaze was weak. He was going to cry.

You took a deep breath, you were about to go off on him. About how perfect he is, about how much you love him.

“Dean friggin’ Winchester..” You chuckled softly.

“Let me tell you something, let me tell you how much you mean to me. How I vision you, and what I think of you.” You took a pause, making sure he was going to prepare himself for what he was about to hear. Because it was going to be fucking long.

“Dean, I.. I fucking love you. Okay? You’re-..You’re not a bad person. You never were. Look at me,” You placed your hand on his cheek, “The past, I know it’s hard for you to let go. But you need to, because it does NOT define you. What you did yesterday, it won’t define you today. What you did last year, it does not make up the person you are today. I know you dean, I know who you are. You’re a good person. You’re the Dean who would do anything for his friends, his family, his significant other. Like literally, you’d do anything for them. I know you’ve done some bad things, and it’s okay because big surprise; so have I! So has Sam, Cas, your father, so has god. I wish you’d realize how much you mean to me. I can’t even put into words about how much I love you, how much I’ll never stop loving you. How I could stare into your eyes for eternity, how much I love that dork smile of yours. How much I love seeing you be a nerd about the littlest things. How much of a great brother you are, and how much of a greater father you’ll be one day. This life, it’s hard. But you’re strong, and I know today is one of the moments you’d wish you could sink into oblivion. But you’re a hero, my hero. My king. The love of my life.”

Dean pressed his lips together, breaking eye contact, his gaze all over the room, his head jerking side to side. And there…dropped a tear from his eyes, and that’s when he let it all out. His silent cries. He clenched his jaw tightly, his adam’s apple jerking as he swallowed hardly. He looked up at you and just.. He was speechless. No one realized how much he needed this, how long he longed for such comfort. And you grabbed him close to you, letting his head rest on your chest. You let him just cry, his arms wrapping around your back. Him holding you so tight and your arm wrapping around his head.

You let him cry. Because that’s what he needed right now. To sink into his significant other’s arms and to just let this side of him out. And there you held him, until he felt better enough to return to bed with you.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN. PLEASE FUCKING REQUEST OMG

TAGS: @lucifer-in-leather

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recycle-me-daddy-blog · 7 years

Text

Oh Baby!

"Dean!" Castiel cried, back arching upwards as his eyebrows knitted together. Of course he and the hunter where doing what they always did after Dean went away on a long hunt. Dean usually came back tired and sore, but all Cas had to do was bat his eyelashes and ask sweetly and Dean would give way. Something about a rough looking man who had bruises and a 5 o'clock shadow was a major turn on for Cas. Dean leaned into Castiel's shoulder and gave it a rough bite, the angel letting out a cry as he felt his peak approaching rapidly. Dean was definitely close behind, but his number one rule was always to make Cas cum first. Dean lifted up one of the angel's legs and curled it around his hip, using the slightly new position to hit him deeper. It only took a few more thrusts before Cas completely unraveled. Dean followed behind almost instantly, his body lurching forwards so he could kiss on Cas' lips. Dean pulled out shortly after and suddenly Cas felt... different. Fuzzy maybe? He wasn't sure how to explain it. He felt tingly and his lower abdomen was fluttery. Like a soft tickles or tiny ants running across his skin. ☼♥☼♥☼ The tingly feeling lasted on for days, which soon turned into weeks. Cas had grown so used to the feeling he barely noticed it, only remembering the feeling when he tried to sleep or he was pressed tightly against Dean's chest. He didn't think much of the fuzz, assuming maybe it had something to do with mating with a human so much? Who knows? He was fine and nothing was out of the ordinary. Well, the only thing that was different now would be Castiel's weird increase in upset stomachs and weird cravings. Who knew pickles dipped in chocolate on top of cotton candy ice cream was so good? Anytime Dean brought pie home, the angel was basically right on top of him before inhaling the whole thing. "What the hell, Cas?!" Dean scoffed, the angel looking up from his phone. "Hm? Dean, who is Siri?" Dean rolled his eyes slightly walking over to the angel and sliding his phone out of his hand. "You ate a whole pie. The third one this week, Cas. Those where all mine. The hell dude?" Cas blinked his ocean blue eyes, the thought of pie dancing around in his mind. That sounded so good right now. He squinted his eyes some in thought before looking up at Dean and shrugging slightly. "I don't know, but I want pie now..." He mumbled, Dean rolling his eyes and taking a step backwards in disbelief. "Yeah, so do I Cas. So do I," He grumbled before spinning on his heels and leaving the room. What had gotten into that damn angel? ☼♥☼♥☼ Cas was lazily pressed against Dean's chest, his eyes shut as he let out soft snores. The pair had gone to bed early last night, both of them clothed for once in their lives. They'd been stuck together so much lately for some reason. Not that either was complaining. Soon Castiel began to stir, a light thumping waking him up. Thump. Thump Thump. Thump. What the heck was that? He placed a hand on his stomach, the thumping now radiating through his chest. Cas suddenly felt protective over the thumping in his stomach. "Dean," Cas mumbled twisting some to push on Dean's chest. The hunter let out a low growl, snuggling into his pillow some while one arm went out to tug Cas to his chest. "Sh, Cassie... Sleep," he mumbled, the angel pushing on him again. "Dean wake up!" Cas snapped, slapping the hunter's shoulder, causing Dean to pull back and scowl. "What Castiel?! Go back to bed!" "I'm Pregnant!" ☼♥☼♥☼ "The baby just moved!" Cas yelped out of nowhere, Dean quickly moving from his chair and over to the couch where Cas was sitting. "How can you feel that?" He asked, his hand laying on top of Cas' small little pudge. "How come I can't feel him?" Dean soon whined, pressing his palm slightly harder against Castiel's tummy. "You probably won't feel until 20 weeks- Cas shouldn't even feel this soon." Sam's voice piped in, walking over to his brother and Cas. Even though Moose knew he couldn't feel the baby or even see it move, it wouldn't hurt to at least try to feel the bun, right? ☼♥☼♥☼ Dean was sitting right next to Cas, sitting in pure aweh. For the first time he could actually see the baby move around. "What does it feel like?" Dean asked, placing a hand on Castiel's stomach as the baby kicked at his palm. "Like a tiny life repeatedly kicking my insides. She only stops for pie and pickles with ice cream." "She? How are you so sure?" Dean asked with a half grin. The idea of having a little girl was pretty exciting? What would they name her? "Dean I'm growing her inside of me- I think I know the gender of my own baby," Cas chuckled, placing a hand on his swollen stomach. "What should we name her?" He asked, Dean leaning down to kiss the top of Castiel's baby dump. "What about Mary?" Dean asked, Castiel shaking his head. "Sam wants that name for his future children. What about Joanna Helen?" Cas replied, his fingers combing through Dean's awkward colored hair. What was that anyways? Dirty blonde? Brown? Light brown? Dean's hair what are you? ☼♥☼♥☼ "Why do my feet hurt so much and why is Dean not here? Why couldn't I go shopping with him?" Castiel whined, Sammy taking a deep breath. "Because you're going to pop at any second and Dean is too paranoid to take you anywhere. Plus you're feet hurt and too much walking won't be that good of an idea." Sam was slightly annoyed with all of Castiel's questions. The main door swung open and in walked Dean, holding multiple grocery bags in his hands. Cas flew up from his seat and rushed over to his hunter, stopping half way when a sharp spike of pain ran up his back. The fuck was that? It felt like knots twisting in his lower back, but slowly dulled away. He picked his pace back up to Dean and took a few bags, taking them to the kitchen to put them away. He took out a jar of pickles and tried to pop the lid open, Dean taking the jar and doing it for him. The hunter placed a chaste kiss to Castiel's forehead before going back to getting the groceries out of baby. Cas picked a pickle up and popped it in his mouth, suddenly feeling water trickle down his thighs. He looked down and immediately blushed. His jeans where soaked and the floor surrounding him was now wet. Did he just pee himself? Dean walked back into the kitchen and Cas blushed brighter. "Dean, I-I'm sorry! I didn't know I had to pee-" Cas began before Dean looked down. His face lit up and he dropped the bags in his arms, the sound of eggs cracking filling the air. "YOU'RE HAVING A BABY! OH MY GOD!" He whaled, Cas' brows furrowed, another spike of pain nearly making him fall over. By now Moose was in the kitchen, his arm wrapping around Cas' shoulder as Dean freaked the fuck out. He was about to be a dad! ☼♥☼♥☼ Joanna Helen Winchester was written in bold pink letters above a baby's crib. She was six months old now, the little booger sitting up on her own as uncle Sammy read to her some story. Her parents were out at dinner, but should be back anytime now. Sam finished the story before standing up and kissing the baby's forehead. The baby giggling happy and holding out her chubby little arms. The front door opening and closing could be heard in the distance, so Moose picked up the infant and brought her to the living room. Immediately Castiel swooped in and took the baby, kissing her forehead and cheeks while whispering cute little words to the child. Joanna simply giggled in reply, making grabby hands and tugging on her mother's trench coat. Cas let out a small laugh as Dean watched the pair, his heart warm and fuzzy. This was his paradise. Looking back on his life he didn't know he made it without Castiel. He lived for the angel's innocence and purity. He lived for the way his eyes would light up when he found something fascinating. He loved the squint Cas would make when he was thinking or was just confused. And you know what? Dean was damn happy he was sent to hell. Without that he never would've met this amazing angel.

#my writing #mother!cas #father!dean #destiel #mpreg #idk

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