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our-divine-violinist · 4 months

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I was just thinking about this and I’m sure no one cares, but I’m putting this here for the hell of it. Someone talk to me about Nicolas de Lenfent.

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He had turned to the window, and he was rising as if he’d been called by a secret voice. The look on his face was indescribable.

He knew I was there!

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It was a very different thing from a mortal seeing my face and blurting out my name in confusion. He had recognized in my monster self something that he knew and loved.

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And through the silence I heard his panic. He sensed that I was there! My presence, mind you, that is what he sensed, just as I sensed ‘the presence’ in the graveyards, but how, he argued with himself, could Lestat have been here?

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All I could think was, What in the name of hell is this presence that he felt?

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It’s a interesting question Lestat asks here, right?

Nowhere in the few chapters we get of Nicki in The Vampire Lestat is there anything to indicate that Nicolas had anything special about him. We know that he picked up playing the violin well enough to perform at a small boulevard theater but would never be good enough to play for the court or a court sanctioned theater. There’s nothing that was really said that was outstanding about his appearance. And we don’t get any kind of back story that he’s unique from any other young man his age-- we don’t hear of Nicki killing a pack of wolves or exceling in his intelligent or natural gifts.

I really think this is as simple as Anne explaining that Nicolas in this moment had a sixth sense. And that got me thinking about it in relation to the time period of the book.

The theory of a sixth sense is, interestingly enough, something that was being written about during this time period in the late 18th century. This was a time of animal magnetism, the belief that a universal magnetic fluid contributed to the health of individuals. But derived from that theory, the paranormal phenomenon of the sixth sense was introduced by Tardy de Monravel in his Essai sur la Theorie du Somnambolisme Magnetique (1785). This basically said that the sixth sense was the source and sum of all our partial senses combined. It had a more spiritual context to it.

Teachings relating to this was started as early as the 1760s by the mesmerists, but it’s doubtful this kind of knowledge would have trickled down into Lestat’s tiny part of the Auvernge so quickly. So it’s nice that he doesn’t know what to call it. I seriously doubt Anne put this much thought into this little bit of the book, but I couldn’t help but go, huh, why is Lestat so interested in this thing Nicki is able to do? I don’t think Anne was writing this from a late 18th century view on the sixth sense, but it’s nice to go down the rabbit hole and realize how recent the term really is! She’s definitely using it in a very modern sense of the theory.

But being the romantic that I am, I want to believe Nicki’s heart/soul was longing for Lestat’s heart/soul because their fates were so intertwined at this point. That it was the feeling of recognizing something familiar and gravitating towards it. And maybe that’s what love is? I want this to be the case so bad, it’s so sweet. So this is usually the take I go with to quench my parched soul for NickiStat.

But in all honesty, I think we are meant to read this as he had that feeling of knowing he was being watched and assumed it was Lestat—because who else would be creeping on some random alcoholic violinist? His sixth sense was alerting him that he had a predator nearby. Like those stories of people who report feeling something watching them in the woods-- whether that is some wild animal or something supernatural is up to you to decide. We see this same kind of sixth sense from Lestat as a mortal as well when Magnus began to appear. You could argue Magnus was using the Spell Gift on him, but I’m not sure Anne had even thought up that power yet at this point in her writings (but correct me if I’m wrong). We know he has the Mind Gift because Lestat is hearing him call to him as Wolfkiller.

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When Nicki and I were alone I had to talk about it, about the peculiar sensation that I had fallen asleep on the stage and had been dreaming.

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Moving away from this antiquated view of the sixth sense, there are two beliefs that we can look to that might resonate a bit more in the 20th and 21st centuries. Charles Richet—this is the guy who coined the term ectoplasm-- used the term of sixth sense to mean an unknown sense the perceives hypothetical vibrations of reality in his book Our Sixth Sense (1928). He denounced that the spiritual had anything to do with the sixth sense and it stemmed from physiology. And this theory later leads to J.B. Rhines’s term called extrasensory perception (ESP) with a book of the same name (1934), which was the ability to acquire information that was shielded from the sense.

Doesn’t this sound way more familiar? Definitely more of where I think Anne was writing from. So what was the name of the presence you felt, Lestat? Anne was writing about Nicki’s sixth sense, just in a modern way you won’t know for around 150 more years! Or you can just do my thing and say it’s the result of love, knowing someone’s heart so well, longing for the thing you recognize as home. Go for the latter explain Lestat. 🥲

#Nicolas de Lenfent #nicki de lenfent #nickistat #nicki x lestat #lestat x nicki #the vampire chronicles #don’t mind me I’m still trapped in this desolate place #I just wanted them to be together #it was such a star crossed lovers story that could have been

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1galaxia369 · 6 months

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AQUARIUS RISING ♒️

Okay guys, I see a lot good energy radiating from you. You've finally let go and you finally realized that the treasure is within. Alot of you are out here chasing crazy (but attainable) dreams. I love that for you, there's been so much pressure on you to be normal and do the right thing but there's no such thing. When you you force yourself into that box you become unhappy and restless. The stagnacy creeps in after and then the financial issues. You have to constantly stimulate yourself, you are a creator, you create. You are not meant to get up and do the samething everyday over and over. It's the reason you feel so depressed and confused, you don't have a creative outlet or anything fun to look forward to. Honoring your inner child is important to you, all work and no play will make you a sad and depressed mess of a human being. I understand Saturn being your ruler but so is Uranus, there needs to be a balance between practicality + hard work and Creativity + eccentricity ( like come on you never been able to fit into society...standing out is your thing). You use to be so creative and fun, what happened? You let societal expectations stop you again. You were never meant to be Kris that wears a gray suit everyday and works in corporate, you're the rich eccentric artist that spends their day doing crazy spontaneous things who dresses like they belong in a movie. I'm just trying to tell you that your success and happiness comes from the same thing you try to lock away--your individuality!

You are really out here mad at yourself for not being able to do what everyone else is doing even though it makes you unhappy. That makes no sense, why do you have to change your self to fit in? why can’t everyone try to be themselves? Society is set up to keep everyone living the same story. You are here to create your own! Nothing you do will ever be normal, the way you are will never be normal and it's time to embrace that kid. Once you finally make this decision to honor yourself then you can finally see some movement in your life. The universe will be blessing you never endingly, people will be coming to you to bring you support and harmony. These new connections will be people who love you for you and will encourage you to embrace your individuality. You might have went through most of your life without any support or someone to clap you when you achieve something but this support is coming through for you. You deserve this praise and support you're a star and remember that. There's going to be success in whatever you are working on at this moment, this project or goal has been something you have been working on for a while now, results will start to finally show up and there will be a positive outcome. Of course it's successful, you worked hard on this and you agonized over it but most importantly, you stuck with it and disciplined yourself. Congratulations!

Take the next step. It's time to go full in, get your pen and paper and start planning your next steps. I promise you, success is waiting for you to take the leap. Some of you are honing your skills for perfection and professional use. Some of you are in school, or planning to go back to school for a new skillset, some of you are practicing new techniques, self teaching new skills, enjoying your talents, whatever it is pursue it. It will be beneficial to you at this time, use it to further your self or invest into what you really want to do. Remember that you're here to do great things. You are bigger than what society has to offer hell, you're bigger than what this world has to offer. Some of you are a about become mentors & guides, oracles, astrologers, spiritualists, healers, practitioners, open up spiritual businesses or open a place of healing. You guys are here to guide and heal, people want to break away from this unhealthy society and you are here to help them. You are here to show them another way of life is possible. All of this can be triggered by you making the first step, out of society and chasing your true desires and dreams.

I recommend working with crystals, you have a lot of major things happening you need some support (rose quartz,pyrite, citrine,garnet, carnelian, obsidian,rainbow flourite, clear quartz,selenite). Smudge if you can and clear out any energy that makes you feel low. (palo santo, cinnamon stick,frankincense, incense). Go out in nature you need to interact with the natural energies that mother nature has to offer

1:11 1:23

#tarot #tarot reading #astrology #spirituality #aquarius #aquarius rising #zodiac

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9800sblog · 9 months

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Do you happen to have a personal opinion on the boys according to how you connect to them spiritually?? It's fine if you don't wanna answer tho 🙏🏻

hongjoong is so giving! he's very used to giving first and worrying about himself second, like a parent. he appreciates it when you anticipate his needs and does most of the work, in order for him to chill but he really doesn't mind giving at all. that smile and proud look on his face, is 100% genuine, he's very much in love with people and he has a precious, sparkly soul. he loves his job, he has so much appreciation for his fans and the respect he gets in the company but his energy often feels like he needs to prove himself and like he's looking after everyone, but who's looking after him? he's not lonely, a bit overworked, I feel like he deserves to be taken care of and let go more oftenly.

seonghwa honestly feels overwhelmed very often, like he doesn't really know how to take care of himself! he can be a very confusing person because his heart says one thing but his mind says another, he let's his ego take the best of him and doesn't speak what he really wants or needs. he's not good with confrontation, he expects people to guess what's wrong with him and gets upset if they don't read his mind. seonghwa can be very childish, he'll talk your ear off if you let him, he wants to be taken care of but won't ask, he'll just be like "oh my life is so difficult I'm so alone no one cares about me you can walk away like everyone does I'll be ok no one cares".

yunho is another guy with a huge ego, he's most closed off to spiritual things that he doesn't understand, he's logical and will only respect you if he understands you rationally. he's so judgemental and defensive but he's not harmful at all, he thinks he does way more damage than he actually does, very impulsive, speaks before thinking, thinks he knows everything. "he makes no sense in his head". a super nice guy tho, he's 1 or 100, he's either very comfortable or terrified. he's complicated. recently I tried connecting with him and he reacted like he saw a ghost, he said "it's creepy", but he was very curious. with him, I always gotta explain everything all over again, everytime, every detail or else he doesn't open up, and you gotta give him a rational explanation or else he's creeped out. pretends that he's the one taking care of others but it's the opposite, looks at mingi for safety.

yeosang is just always having fun, it doesn't matter what's happening he's in his own world comfortably. he's very excited everytime we connect, he shows fascination towards spirituality and these things. like wooyoung, he doesn't say many words, very different from other members, which makes it a bit confusing to write down his energy. he doesn't seem to understand so he has much respect for those that do this with accuracy, again, very excited about this. he's definitely much different from his idol image, but not much different than how he interacts with other members, he's genuinely comfortable with them.

san doesn't want me to post anything

mingi is very open to spiritual connections, a super nice dude, will give you the best advice (even if you don't understand why, listen to him). he doesn't have much respect for people or practices that he thinks are superficial, he thinks most people are disgusting. he's a super funny dude. can be rude, careless and forceful if his needs aren't being met, but completely harmless, has a heart of gold. prone to boredom, sleeps most of the time, totally prone to mood swings, feels the most lonely and desperate between the members, they look at him like he's a baby emotionally, and they gotta take much care of him, but he's also looking after everyone all the time quietly, he knows everything about the way each person functions and exactly what they need to be happy. he's not good multi-tasking.

wooyoung feels much more tired than everyone else, he can see through everything and he knows if something he does will get through to someone or not so he knows when to try or not or when to do something or not. feels like the oldest soul in ateez (to me). like yeosang, doesn't say many words so it's difficult to write down his energy.

jongho is just a nice guy, I haven't had any trouble at all with him, he's usually open to this stuff. he's very consistent, confident, open, he can be very vulnerable if he trusts someone. he likes to take care of others, good at predicting the future, he's very good standing his ground, unshakable.

#ateez tarot #kpop tarot

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egotisticalgold · 1 month

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I think I’ve reached my limit, hit a wall.

Cried too many times and screamed too many prayers.

I’ve lost everything but my faith.

Is life a test and if so, I’m failing, if so I’m falling into a depth that even prayers can’t save me from.

I am so tired. From the state of the world, to the state of the economy, to the state of my household filled with strangers who have nothing but ill intent.

There’s no one place that I feel safe anymore, nature use to be my refuge but even nature isn’t pure anymore.

Tainted by human desire and greed, I can’t seem to see through the walls of my pain.

Hope is for the weak, faith is for the strong or so I’ve come to learn.

I can’t say I have faith things will get better because I don’t. I use to have faith in my ability to regenerate, reprogram, evolve, grow, change, forgive, forget, love, laugh, create.

But these things don’t feel the same anymore. For the bills are piling, the doubt is creeping in and my faith is wavering.

What now? What do I do when I can’t even seem to see through the thick of it.

Stuck in the woods of my mind, cloaked in the darkness of my doubts, my mistakes.

I thought I could love my way into heaven but now I see that love may lead you to the door but it is up to you to offer yourself up to your purpose, your passion, your pain, your dreams and leave it there.

Carrying these things of not physical weight makes it seem like I’m happy and smiling and glowing. But spiritually I’m drowning, wavering and confused.

This is a pain I’m far too familiar with and I’m beginning to think maybe this pain will be the end of me.

My spirit screams “no, don’t believe that, look up, look within but whatever you do, don’t look down.” When I compare who I was and who I thought I ought to be, I’m becoming someone I never thought possible for me.

Transitioning from one dream to the next, one reality to the next, one gender to the next. Transitions are never easy but Lord do I HOPE it’s worth it.

#Isaiah

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tower-girl-anon · 11 months

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hello!!!

i hope all is well~

so recently i've been getting closer to someone i have 12h and 8h synastry with and it feels soo confusing. i have sun, merc, venus in his 12, moon in his 8h, and mars in his 11h. i feel like this is just possibly fwb vibes, but i feel like i can't trust him and i've expressed this to him before. he claims that he's told me his darkest secret, but i still have a feeling he's hiding something from me... any input?

(for reference his sun n mercury are in my 1h, moon 7h, venus 2h, mars in 10h)

Hello!!

Thank you for the concern. ❤️❤️This has been a very busy time, but I've managed to find a time to answer some questions.

In relation to your question, I believe that this "mistrusting" feeling you have in relation to your partner drives more from the 12th house placements in synastry rather than the rest of the chart. I say that because I have this overlay too, and the energy that Neptune/Pisces/12th house brings is that the planet person can access a deeper part of the house person; a private part that we may call it as the “spiritual side" of the person and that maybe is a part that even the same person doesn't know about.

I call it “spiritual side" even though this name doesn't convince me enough, because the Neptune/12th house/Pisces energy erase part of the physical limit and grants an access to information of the other person that is well hidden. It's like you have this physical person in front of you but there is like a shadow behind him that seems to correspond to him but you can't quite see it as strong as the other. But you see it. You feel, intuitively or spiritually, that this energy it's him and that may create that mistrust towards him and that feeling that he is lying or hiding something from you.

That projection of the image or feelings we create once we are in the presence of the twelfth house person is something that many describe as a false image created by ilussions or lies by either the planet person or the house person, but, according to my knowledge of the mysterious energy of Neptune, this images or feelings are not false. They are real, but they come from another past life.

In other words, the way we feel, act, or see someone with whom we have a twelve house influence is not something out of fantasy but a spiritual recognition of a past life soul connection with the other person.

So, if someone gives you a brotherly or romantic feeling even though you don't know anything about them, this could be the reason on why you feel that way. Or, on the contrary, if someone gives you the creeps or you feel mistrusting towards the other, it could be something that came from a past life situation with your partner. This is where things gets confusing and disappointment for many. Since the planet person is able to capture this part of himself/herself and the possible past life history or feelings towards them, they will tend to assume or expect for this person to act in the same way that they did before. This is from both sides: good and bad. For example: if, in a past life, that person cheated, you would expect them to act the same way again unconsciously. Or, in the opposite, this person loved or treated you well, you would expect them to do the same again. Sadly, this is a new incarnation, and the lessons and attitudes the twelfth house person agreed to follow on this one could be very different from their incarnation with you. They could have been the most saint person before but today are thieves and abussive. That's why many people hate this aspect and believe that, mostly of the time, the Neptune/12th house energy brings deceit, lies, deceptions, and ilussions to any relationship. We see, feel, or act towards the person due to the spiritual and past life energy we capt thanks to the Neptune/Pisces/12th house energy. We see them according of who they were instead of who they are now, and that creates the confussion.

Hope this post resonates and explain your doubt. Apologize for being so absent.

#neptune #pisces #12th house #twelfth house #astrology #astro notes #astrology observations #astro observations #synastry #12th house synastry #overlay #planets overlay #overlays

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rudikawhy · 8 months

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Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season Three

Just like I did with season two, I took some notes while watching season three.

There are spoilers, but since I've marked when a new episode starts, you could just skip those you haven't seen yet. If there are any.

(S03 E01) I feel you, Coulson. It's hard for me too to get used to calling her Daisy

"He looks big and intimidating. But inside, he's just a soft, little, fluffy little teddy bear."

It must be so tough, knowing you can't go back to your own life

I was waiting for them to mention that Simmons has been swallowed (15 minutes)

Glad that Bobbi's back at work tho.

What's your mission, Fitz!?

"One last thing" what does that mean!?

I loooove sassy Fitz. "Hey, wait. Ah. I want to see Yusef. You understand? Or is your English worse than you think?"

Why doesn't Hunter talk to Bobbi now?

How dare you touch Fitz!

Is it just me or does Iain sound here more scottish than in season two?

I would like to have Fitz as my hero

This "monster" that appears at the hospital looks pretty creepy

And now, Fitz can also read Hebrew. What can't he do?

I love that both Jemma and Elizabeth are from Sheffield

No, don't accept it yet! This is Marvel, of course Jemma isn't dead

Fitz continues to break my heart (DO SOMETHING!!)

What the hell is happening there? Wherever Jemma is

(S03 E02) "In all of history, no one has ever returned" well maybe it's time someone does. Jemma, would you be so kind?

Okay, that was close, pulling Fitz away from that thing

I really love soft Bobbi

"So you think the Rock is a portal?" "No. No, I'm proving that it's a portal." I like confident Fitz (I also like self-conscious Fitz. I like Fitz in general)

"... and a Sandwich would be nice" Mood

Fitz would do any- and everything for Jemma, wouldn't he?

I'm confused by Bobbi and Hunter's relationship

"Don't die out there" I love that they keep saying that

If Hunter is looking for Ward at Hydra and Ward built his own team, than Hunter won't find anything, will he?

Coulson doesn’t open the portal just for ONE life. It's Jemma's life

"A lot of speculation back at HQ as to why you went AWOL. Spiritual walkabout. Mid-life crisis. EARLY mid-life crisis" Saved last second, Hunter

What the HELL do you think you're doing, Fitz!!!?

Why does it hurt so much more when they are inaudible?

Also my heart started beating so loudly

Fitz smiles! For the first time in what? One season?

I absolutely LOVE Hunter's reaction "Fitz, you absolute beauty!"

First Hunter sleeping by Bobbi's bed, and now Fitz by Jemma's bed - I love them

(S03 E03)

Jemma doesn't look too good

I, too, would be creeped out if someone put a tracker on me

I like Hunter

Fitz taking Jemma's hand is just the beginning of cuteness I expect from them

"Besides, she knows I'm lying, so it's not even really a lie." What kind of logic is that?

Did I mention that I love Bobbi? The way she speaks to Fitz

Would you mind leaving Hunter alone? I mean I know he kinda signed up for this but still

How is it that even when Fitzsimmons get to go to the restaurant where Fitz was holding the reservation for MONTHS, they manage to hurt my heart?

Does Hunter really want to meet Ward in this condition?

Why would you have to go back there, Jemma?

(S03 E04) The guy in the first scene who died kinda looked like Lee from the Kissing Booth

I can't make really sense of Coulson, what's his plan with this "cooperation"

Hunter calling May first "love" and then "mum" is just brilliant

"It's tough when people keep things from you" is Fitz referring to the beginning of Season two or to the present when he doesn't know what Jemma plans with the folder?

"Sorry, this coming from the guy who shot his own girlfriend by mistake?" Sassy Hunter is cool Hunter

Sooo, I have a feeling May's gonna kill Hunter after what happened to Andrew.

"It's time I told you the truth about everything" is "Something happened to me, Fitz, on the other side" already the truth about everything or does she simply not tell US the truth?

(S03 E05) Why is Jemma running, though? She has no destination

Note for myself: always charge your phone. Just in case you get swallowed by a monolith and you need to update your file of research and take pictures

It looks so cold there

Her talking about the restaurant to herself is too cute

I don't want to know how clean that water is

Where did she get the bathing suit from?

Okay, I see now, it's not a bathing suit

"You're dinner, biatch" Fitz and her ARE really the same

"Everyone always said we could read each other's minds, Fitz. So I really need you to read mine right now."

You're telling me she only had one picture of Fitz on her phone?

"I know you won't give up, so I won't, either"

Whatever this magic phone battery is, I need it! One month and it still works (or maybe I just need a Fitz in my life, not only for the phone battery)

"You wouldn't happen to have any alcohol, would you, Will?" - "Yeah, I'll run down to the drugstore and get it for you." - "Would you, please? If it's not too much trouble." I don't know if Jemma doesn't understand his sarcasm or just replies with own sarcasm

Is this just going to be a whole episode of Jemma on that planet?

"His name is like your favorite word" you're not wrong

Oh, that's the scene from the end of S03 E01

And Will's the reason Jemma needs to get back. That makes so much sense

You said you wouldn't give up hope

I know it's not really cheating but still, JEMMA!?

What was I saying? Fitz would do really anything for Jemma, even get Will back

(S03 E06) Why take Hunter (who does it for revenge) off a task and put May (who does it also for revenge) on it?

I never would have thought that May couldn't think clear

"You're not gonna say the thing?" That's exactly what I thought that moment. 'We don't get a "Don't die out there" this time?'

But Hunter, it's more than just keeping Simmons warm with a fire. She honestly couldn't have survived without him.

What language does Bobbi Not speak?

I'm always impressed how good they all can improvise

May smiling is just wrong

"Now we use the new dwarf Fitz crafted. He doesn't think it's ready yet, but that's stupid because it's awesome, so I stole it" isn't that with most things Fitz crafts? That he thinks it's not finished but other think it's awesome

Finally some soft Fitzsimmons scenes

I haven't said it yet, so I'll say it now: I don't like Rosalind

Even when she (apparently) has good intentions, I don't like her

Badass Bobbi

I don't know, for some reason I saw that coming. That Andrew is Lash

(S03 E07) Now knowing that Andrew is Lash, it makes it so much worse when they talk about inhumans in his present

Why do agents tend to keep information they got to themselves?

I like Hunter/Bobbi scenes

Can we please also see Fitz listening to the other audios?

Thank you, wish fulfilled

"Do you remember when we first met? I do. You were so quiet and pasty, and... so incredibly smart, handsome... quite a strange feeling... isn't it? Never wanting to be without someone. You must have been so annoyed, me following you around all the time." - "No. Never." - "I imagine our dinner sometimes... where we'd go, what we'd eat. I wonder about us a lot, actually. There's this small cottage in Perthshire we drove by once when I was a girl, some... some... family holiday, and I don't know why but I... I found it so lovely. I still think about it... a place where you and I could have... But that's that, I suppose. I'm not sure how long this battery will last. I should save it, just in case, for more important things. But I'll still talk to you on my own, if that's all right. I'll always be with you, Fitz." I'm sorry, I just HAD to write this down.

It must have been so hard for May to shoot Andrew and put into that box

Soft Fitzsimmons incoming!!

"Didn't know you thought about setting down in Perthshire. That's in Scotland." - "I know where it is, Fitz." :D

Also: "So when you said all those things about... I mean, you were tired and dehydrated." - "I was as clearheaded then as I've ever been... when I said all those things.... What do you think we should do about it?" - "For now... let's just watch the sunrise."

"You should think on a grander scale." - "Oh, I'll be grand." Yes, cause he is already Grant (Ward)

(S03 E08) That escalated quickly

I like Lincoln's voice

Fuck Ward

Why can Lincoln just work with them from one moment to the other?

Hunter's "Damn the Yanks" Shirt 😅

Coulson and Price together is just urghh

That wasn't a nice thing to do, Ward

"Stop. Just stop trying to do all the right things. It's too much." But that's what we love about Fitz

Why is it so funny; Hunter typing on the computer with Daisy on comms

And of course Hunter can't be really serious (Username: God Save The Queen), and Daisy feels the need to clarify that that wasn't her idea

I love jealous Fitz

"And you dove through a hole in the universe for me!" Thank you for pointing that out

I didn't even realize at first that this was really the FIRST Fitzsimmons kiss, it felt so natural

I may or may not have squeaked

I never realized how long Iain's eyelashes are

No, Fitz, you're not cursed

Watch out, Bobbi, I still need you

"Our friend Mr Banks has just showed up, and I do not have a handkerchief to cover my face... and that would be weird, anyhow." Indeed that would be weird

I don't know if I like Lincoln

I love Bobbi/Hunter dynamic

Of course everything is connected

(S03 E09)

Why is this dinner so awkward?

I mean I didn't like Rosalind, but she didn't deserve that

Aaaaand of course it was Ward

This episode started off with so much, and so fast, I can't even put my thoughts into words and write them down

Kinda cool, the interrogation

Crazy how Coulson, who is normally one of those who can think clearest, is now acting fully emotionally.

First May, then Coulson, everyone is attacking Hunter

Okay, what is going on here? Always putting Fitzsimmons in danger, aren't we, writers of AoS?

You can't just simply separate Fitzsimmons!

Don't you touch Jemma

Ward, you bloody psychopath

I kinda like Thomas

How many phones does someone with anger issues buy each year if every time something inconvenient is said on the phone they throw it away?

Cable ties are really the worst to be bind to something

Oh Fitz, when I said you'd really do anything for Jemma, this isn't what I meant

I beg you pardon, Ward? S.H.I.E.L.D. killed Kara? I think you got there something really wrong. That was you, you shot her

"Fitz, please just let them kill me." Jemma, you know that that's never gonna happen. He would do anything in his power to keep you alive

"I lost you once. I can't lose you again. I'm just... I'm not strong enough to live in a world that doesn't have you in it"

She wants to hug him but she can't 😭😭

Okay, Coulson, that was crazy

They really could have given Fitz some better clothes

(S03 E10) That way, Fitz won't be able to figure out anything

"This is how S.H.I.E.L.D. works. You make a plan, plan turns to rubbish, you make a new plan." Well said

Oh god, oh god, what can I say? I'm literally shaking because of this Fitz/Will thing

I wasn't really able to pause the episode to write something down, so I don't really have any notes from this episode.

But, some things:

I feel bad for Jemma because she looked so guilty when May said that Lash killed all the inhumans, and she was the one who let Andrew free, just to save herself. I don't know, I just feel bad for her

Also, I feel bad for Fitz because he just wanted to bring Will back for Jemma and then Will turns out to be "it"

Also, the few seconds between Fitz shouting to Coulson that they have to hurry and them actually hurrying, when Coulson left his hand by Ward's side, that felt so much longer than it actually was.

Jemma standing by the container at the end, thinking that Fitz didn't make it, just hurt really

Also what was that last glance between Coulson and Fitz suppose to mean? That confused me

And because I feel like I haven't said it in a while: I really love Bobbi and Hunter

(S03 E11) What president is that supposed to be?

I love that Jemma still asks Fitz for his opinion, even when (it seems like) she doesn't really need it

This person with those super powers (who puts Mack in the car) is scary

What did Fitz do to Will, though? I thought Will really died saving Jemma and that, whatever it was, was just disguised as Will

Who could this person be who might know something about Malick?

Ah, van Strucker

This new "Ward" is really weird and scary

Bobbi's "Hey you" (rescuing Mack) made me unreasonable happy

When Coulson said "What about him?" to Lincoln, I thought he wanted to put him into this machine

Why is there almost no episode where no one is captured, hurt, knocked out, or anything like that? And why is it once again Bobbi and Hunter?

"Why are you really here?" is a pretty stupid question you can ask a person who you've kidnapped

Okay, now Elena's no longer scary, more cool

Also please keep Bobbi and Hunter save

"I miss you"

"You've been nothing less than extraordinary this whole time." Jemma's here to speak the truth

"Can we start over, back to where we began?" - "Sixteen and achingly shy" - "Two people, endlessly inquisitive, about to embark on a relationship that will change their lives, but they don't know where it will go. I'm Jemma Simmons, biochemist." - "Leopold Fitz, engineering." What are you planning with this?

Sometimes I feel like they just let Ward live (or something similar), so that Brett Dalton can continue to be a part of the series

(S03 E12)

"What are you?" - "What are we?" That was creepy

"No one would ever intentionally cut their hair like that" That's what I've been thinking about Talbot's hair cut for quite some time

Sometimes I wonder if Lincoln really doesn't follow orders because he doesn't want to or because he can't stop using his powers on command

I'm impressed by Brett Dalton's acting

How could anyone not want to be Hunter's friend? I mean, yes, sometimes he can be out of control and maybe he isn't ALWAYS the greatest friend, but deep down, I believe, he is a great friend and always there for you

Oh, I was wondering, why his right arm is in that sling, but that's actually a smart trick

Jemma calls him Dr. Fitz :)

Why does Hunter keep on doing his own thing?

And why is he always right? ("Oh, guns. Why does no one ever listen to me?")

And why do agents continue to read something or look for something with their backs to the room when they're in a room they're not supposed to be?

Oh, COME ON, Hunter

Well, that's kinda your own fault now, Hunter

Excuse me, Talbot!?

Each episode, my trust issues just get bigger. Like, who CAN I even trust anymore?

Also, why does Coulson always, literally always, look like he's smiling, even when he's not?

"I hate to be a buzzkill, but this is a gun free zone, so I'm gonna have to take that off you." I love you, Hunter

"I love you" same, Bobbi, same

How do the villains always manage to turn things to their advantage?

"Were we the only ones that got the "no weapons" memo?" Probably

"I'm bored of this." Only a selected few could say something like that in the middle of a shooting, and Bobbi is one of them

Don't you ever pull a stunt like that again, Bobbi

"Oh, damn" was my (and probably Hunter's) though, when he saw the red point on his hand

Talbot's "Where is my son?" reminded me very much of Hamilton's in Stay Alive (Reprise)

Grant Ward (or whoever you might be now), that's disgusting!

Hunter, Bobbi, don't die out there

(S03 E13)

Not me who simply said "Bobbi!" when I saw her sitting there

"I'd like a cheeseburger, medium, with cheddar cheese, ketchup, mayo, lettuce, and tomato. And some curly fries. Crispy." Queen Bobbi is here again

"There's no one else to help you here" what happened to Hunter?

That was nice, that Hunter and Bobbi, for once, had a conversation on their own

But of course it had to be interrupted

For a second there I forgot that Bobbi speaks a lot of languages, including Russian

"How's everyone's Russian?" - "My pronunciation's not fluent." - "And mine's nonexistent." - "I dated a Russian hacker once, but I only learned the dirty words." Why is this all so in character?

"Amadeus Ravenclaw Hunter" only Hunter could give that answer (OH WAIT, that is really his real name!? I thought it was just Hunter not taking anything seriously) (Or isn't it? I'm not following. Can anyone give me answers whether or not that's his real full name?)

Would any of them mind just leaving Bobbi and Hunter alone?

I love it so much when Hunter calls her "Bob"

"Wait, wait, hold on. The letter that looks like New Hampshire with legs, that's "D," right?"

A person who has a shadow even though they're not visible, that's creepy

"I have an idea, but it involves May hitting people" May's smirk

I'm sorry but it looked kind of pathetic, the way they were trying to beat the shadow

"As I was saying, don't panic, sir, but your life is in danger"

Fuck. The panic and fear in Bobbi's voice as she says "Hunter, are you OK? - Hunter, please answer me"

The forehead touch🥲🥹🥺

"It's a spy's goodbye" and I started crying, really hard, and didn't stop until the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo appeared

This can't be it. I can't accept it. Why would they let Bob and Hunter go? Why would they do that to me? To all of us?

I see it coming. I'm gonna rewatch season two and three just because of these two

At least they get to go together

I'm gonna miss them so much

The spy's goodbye was really beautiful, though

(S03 E14)

Why would you think that's awesome, brother-of-Mack?

I can't quite keep up

"No, I'm quite comfortable blaming myself, actually, for the lot of it. For all the miseries endured to rescue helpless little Agent Simmons. Will died trying to save me. And Fitz... Poor Fitz nearly got himself killed a number of times, and that's not even the worst of it." - "Andrew. What happened to those Inhumans... not your fault." - "No, I just let a known murderer loose to save my own skin. Traded all those... those lives for mine. Well, it won't happen again. And since I'm practically the only woman here, who can't kill with her bare hands..."

"OK, Fitz, you're with me." - "Uh... Am I?" That's so me

Sometimes I think Coulson is too hard on people, in this case Lincoln

Daisy, you're not supposed to get in a stranger's car

Fitz looks so shaky and kind of afraid when holding the gun against that guy in the car

Daisy can be charmingly dangerous

I'm not overly fond of Mack's brother. I mean I understand why he's angry for Mack constantly putting him off, but still

I hate it when people are somewhere they're not supposed to be

As I was saying, I'm not overly fond of Mack's brother

Oh please, not Fitz again

"Sooner or later, this bomb is gonna go off. And then... I'll implode. Which is gonna be messy." Fitz talks too casually about him imploding

Joss, Jed, Maurissa, would any of you mind not hurting or trying to kill Fitz anymore?

A shotgun axe!!

"Mini Mack"

I was totally expecting Ward to be in that car at the end

(S03 E15) Fitz didn't look too good in Daisy's vision

Why do people (/villains) always want to take over the world? Like, what would you get out of it?

Okay, it wasn't Fitz but Lincoln, still not looking too good

"And Fitz-Simmons will stay out of the damn snow." I mean I know it was part of the vision but why exactly is it so important to stay out of the damn snow?

"Ward" or whoever that is now is even crazier than the original Ward

That's actually a smart idea, them rehearing the fight

But it's also very funny

Ward's wayyy too crazy

Hurry up, hurry up, Daisy

I KNEW that their plan wouldn't work. When Coulson said that May would go in, no one else. That he'd stay away from guns until this is over. And that everyone else stays at HQ. And I can only assume that it's going to start snowing any second

"It's not snow." - "I think we're supposed to hold hands now.... Maybe some things are inevitable." They're too cute

Oh, right, I forgot that that plane explosion was already foreshadowed

I'm sorry for Charles

(S03 E16) I kinda feel sorry for Nathaniel

That transition of It wasn't necessary

Wait, so Nathaniel is It?

That sacrifice was disgusting

(S03 E17)

I was starting wondering what happened to Yo-Yo

And if I'm being honest I forgot about Joey

Daisy surely can jump out of a plane with style

"This seal gonna hold?" - "Hope so. It's chlorine gas. If not, we'll all go blind." And once again, Fitz talks too casually about them getting harmed

"Who needs space? 'Cause I've got something magnificent right here... A picture of space."

Finally, a wholesome Fitzsimmons scene

Also a beautiful, genuine laugh from Jemma

Oh fuck, I did not expect Daisy to be Hive's sway

Don't they have some kind of emergency alarm button in the quarantine room, so Lincoln could warn the others?

I'm confused. How can Daisy be stopped?

Can Daisy be stopped?

Daisy is probably the reason why people aren't allowed to walk under the wings of planes

(S03 E18) Fitz and Simmons are awfully formal, conspicuously inconspicuous

Fitz trying to talk without actually mentioning what he's talking about, and then there's Jemma with "You mean once we have sex"

Daisy, to me at least, looks suspicious the whole time when talking to Hive, but I'm not sure if she is aware that she is possessed

Fitz looks nice in a suit

"Happy to make the sacrifice" is the new "Happy to comply," isn't it?

"But she's the closest thing I have to a daughter."

I see it coming, the suitcase will be gone any moment

Or not

Fitz being confused by Jemma's actions is cute

Fitzsimmons tends to be separated and I am not happy about it

"I thought it would be cool if the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. had a shield. Fitz agreed, so..."

When did Jemma say, she'd go nowhere without Ward? (Or did he mean Will?)

Okay, he meant Will

Don't you dare choking Fitz like that

"You know how many times Bobbi and Hunter pulled the "my comms are broken" trick?"

When Mack knows Fitzsimmons better than Fitzsimmons knows themselves

I've been screaming so loudly internally when they kissed (again). I literally had to put my hands on my mouth, so it would stay internally

(S03 E19) What was done to Hive's ancestor looks pretty disgusting

"You didn't see Daisy. She acted like we were still best of pals all while threatening to murder me." - "No, you're right. I didn't see that. I was much too busy listening to the disgusting face of Grant Ward act like my dead boyfriend." - "That's true. That does sound worse." - "Right. If this was a competition, then I'd win. I had to shoot him three times just to shut him up." - "Bet that felt good." - "Yeah, it did. Though it would have felt better had he actually died, instead of just sort of oozing."

Okay, that was even more disgusting, Dr Radcliffe's attempt

I hope that they find a way to get Daisy out of there soon

Fitz talking about Milton, the absolute worst, is too funny

That was pretty stupid, Lincoln

Urghh, May smiled

Why are there suddenly so many nameless soldiers who say more than just "Yes sir"?

Also, I'm constantly expecting Hunter and/or Bobbi to appear on the screen

Hive Daisy's recklessness is scary

And now you've made Hive angry

(S03 E20) I didn't manage to write anything during the episode

But: I thought the lift from the bar to the HQ was really fancy

I was constantly angry at Lincoln for wanting to be with Daisy. So he fooled me too

I was definitely glad that he fooled me and didn't actually wanted to go to Daisy

I still don't like Talbot, even though he didn't really do anything for disliking him

I thought it was really cool that they tricked Hive and Daisy

I am still surprised that Lash doesn't harm Daisy, in contrary really. He was so careful when saving her and freeing her from Hive's sway

I am honestly not sure if I am glad that Lash died or not. Because, yes, he did kill a lot of innocent people, but he also saved Daisy, and maybe they need this power a few more times to free inhumans from Hive's sway

I did not really understand what bad news Fitzsimmons had in the end

(S03 E21) Fitz screamed like a monkey

I'm impressed that Fitz could keep up with that code

Fitz finally initiated a high-five and there's no one who's willing to give him one

Oh dammit, Coulson wants to put Daisy into that machine

Don't provoke Lincoln

Okay, he did

Brett Dalton is honestly a very good actor

Don't get too excited about catching Hive. There is always a hook

Fitz really is the romantic one

I told you, don't get too excited, Hive would find a way to escape

What the hell do you think you're doing, Daisy?

(S03 E22) some post-episode notes

That was... a lot

No, seriously, that was really thrilling

I can't recall particular thoughts or details I want to point out

But a few times I realized I'd clapped my hand over my mouth. I didn't know people really do that, I thought that's just something people in movies do

These new inhumans certainly are pretty creepy

When they were in the room where Jemma was hiding, I was so confused why they couldn't see her

Also Dr Radcliffe is too full of himself

Dammit, I knew Lincoln would die in this episode, but still- Whyyy? I was just stating to REALLY like him

Also Daisy didn't make it any easier not to cry

And that six-months-later scene wasn't what I was looking for. That Daisy left the team

And what the hell does Radcliffe plan to do?

Who is AIDA?

So many questions

But this also means that Fitzsimmons is now at least half a year together, which makes me happy

One of the few things in this episode that made me happy

So, this was me watching AoS season three within 11 days. That was... something. A lot to take in, to think about. I mean we finally got Fitzsimmons. Hive's dead. A lot of other good things happened. But sadly also a lot of bad and not-so-good things. I'm gonna miss Bobbi and Hunter like hell. I already do. (Well, not that I actually miss hell, but I'm gonna miss them really really much). But now to season four. Looking forward to it.

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astroangel23 · 2 years

Text

The Dark Shadows You Carry + How To Overcome The Inner Darkness That Haunts You 🪄❤️‍🩹

if you feel called to dive into the depths of your shadows to find a source of healing, this reading may be for you 🥀🌹

*if you aren't feeling stable on all levels, don't force yourself to look into this reading. only proceed if you are ready for blunt truths*

Tarot is never set in stone, energy is forever flowing, we are forever changing, never take this as whole truth 💚

If you ever find yourself battling your shadows and need a listening ear, feel free to reach out 💌 I'm happy to help 👁️‍🗨️

Pile 1: I feel a darkness that you struggle with is saying no. You have a habit of saying yes to the things that do not fulfill you out of fear of disappointing others in the process. Looking at the shadow cards, you can draw the conclusion that this habit is an abuse of your sexual energy + your body (if that doesn't resonate with you, don't take it). You feel that if you don't give others what they want from you, they will leave your side. Let me start by saying, anyone that leaves your side for saying no over your body, your time, your energy, your love, anything that YOU have control over, is not good for you baby, in any way. They do not respect you & respect is the absolute bare minimum. No amount of attention, time, admiration, or dedication to someone that doesn't respect you or see your worth, will "win" someone's love. Abandoning yourself for another is an act of violence towards yourself. Tips on how to overcome this darkness: 1. Ground into your body. Your body is sacred. Our bodies guide us through this life, our bodies are alive, our bodies send us signals to what is right for us and what is not. If you're not grounded, if you're numb within your body, if you don't nourish, how can you listen to the messages & direction needed to align to your highest path/self? 2. Self reflection. Be honest with yourself, when you give into others needs/wants over your own, how do you feel by the end of it? Betrayed? Your inner child doesn't deserve the heartbreak. 3. Similar to number 2, a reflection of self respect is needed here. I know we live in an era where it's normalized to just go with the flow, to just try things, but if this is a sacrifice to our well being, to our sanity, to our happiness, there is a deeper reflection needed within oneself 💌- Astro Angel 💚

Pile 2: *TRIGGER WARNING* this is a deep rooted darkness. Please, if you are not feeling stable on all levels, don't force yourself to dive into your shadows. With that being said, if you're here, welcome, let's get into it. I see that this group are the victims of childhood abuse whether that be from parents, guardians, adults in general, peers, friends, anyone. The trauma has created this web of darkness surrounding your every day life. The innocence of your childhood was stripped from you whether you recognized this as a child or not, you recognize it now as an adult. You may not carry vivid memories of the abuse as our minds strive to block out those moments but our bodies carry memories which can cause us to feel a deep sadness, a deep depression, a deep hopelessness that holds us back from developing a life that is full of growth and healing. It can cloud your ability to process life on a mental, emotional, spiritual, or physical level. You may feel confusion when it comes to trusting other people (people from the past abused the trust that you did give), what you want out of life, what you feel you deserve, what actually makes you happy, just confusion all around that keeps us stuck. I feel that there's a few people here that suppress these memories and try to tackle everyday by avoiding this deep pit of darkness that randomly creeps in whenever they aren't doing a million things. You never give your mind or body the chance to sit down and face these hard truths of your past. Tips on how to overcome this darkness: 1. Stop running from the truth of your past. The more you run, the more you burn out, the deeper you dig yourself into this hole. 2. No matter how hard the truth is, the truth will always set you free. You feel that keeping on rose colored glasses is protecting you, but in the end, it's only hurting you. Don't lie to yourself that you're fine, it's okay not to be fine. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to be depressed. We are human. We ALL have trauma we have to face no matter how happy of a childhood you had, we all feel the pain of life. 3. Face it, find the silver lining, and move on. As myself, right now, I am being an advocate for overcoming the trauma of abuse, you have the power to do the same. The path to healing is a long road to walk, but it guarantees self perseverance. You have the power to give advice to other people who are victims of abuse, you have the power to help guide them away from this pain, this darkness. Reach out to a health professional if you find yourself deep in the struggle of overcoming this darkness. If you can't afford a health professional right now, look into YouTube! There are millions of health professionals that are specialized in childhood trauma that could resonate for you. One of my favorites is, The Crappy Childhood Fairy; she's not a professional but she is a childhood abuse survivor and I love how real she is and how deep she has dove inside of herself to overcome this darkness. Research your little heart out, put you as your top priority to overcome this 💌

- Astro Angel 💚

Pile 3: You have become swallowed whole by your masculine ego. There is no balance here within the yin and yang. You may even feel demasculinized when thinking of moving through your heart space. You work and you grind to be the best version you can be... on a material/superficial level. You're carrying the energy of "look at me, look at all of my accomplishments, look at all of these wonderful items in my possession, I'm the best, aren't you impressed?" Well, I'm sure superficial people are impressed but do they bring you any kind of emotional satisfaction? Probably not, but I have a feeling you're ok with that since you suppress your feminine side. It probably makes you uncomfortable to even talk about feelings or think of opening up your heart to someone. Maybe you've been hurt, been slapped in the face with pain when you least expected it. Now, you always have a trick behind your back to make sure you're 5 steps ahead of anyone crossing your path. Tips on how to overcome this darkness: 1. Connect to your spiritual self. Who are you without all of these material items? Who are you without the physical realm? Would you want to be friends or be a lover to yourself if you take away the material items/accomplishments you carry so dear to you? 2. Connect to others on an emotional level. The only reason you feel uncomfortable with emotions is because you've shut out your heart completely. Start small by being emotional with yourself first, tell yourself you love and accept yourself without material items or status. Look yourself in the eyes when looking in the mirror. There's more to you outside of this earthly realm. 3. Connect to your inner divine feminine. Yes, we all carry masculine and feminine energy within our souls. We are all capable of being compassionate and loving people. Dance to your favorite songs, see the beauty that surrounds you in nature, people, animals, give yourself days to focus on self love, give yourself a break from the grind to actually relax, take a warm candle lit bath, laugh, love, just live in the present moment sometimes 💌

- Astro Angel 💚

Pile 4: I feel this is a group that tends to say lines like "I react that way because of how I was raised, it's all I know" or "I don't know what else to say, this is how I am" after handling a situation in not the most healthy way. You may not even recognize this shadow within you. Instead of taking responsibility on how you handled a situation poorly, you resort to blaming it on wounds that you haven't healed, which is totally understandable, but at some point, as adults, we have to sit in a deep self reflection and accept that we are capable of change, we are not our parents, we are not what raised us. If you grew up in a home where yelling aggressively was the norm, it doesn't have to be your norm. If you grew up in a home where you weren't able to express your emotions, that doesn't have to be the norm within your own home, within your own connections you create throughout life. You may be a very fiery person that is quick to react and you may notice a lot of people tell you that you're too quick with the heat and you take this as them not accepting you the way you are, but is this really who you are or is this you just carrying a mindset of my way or the highway? You and your soul and personality is completely written in stone with no room to bring balance? This makes it super hard to build healthy connections with people, even with another fiery person. People want to connect with you and they love the passion you carry, they just wish you would step in their shoes, see things from their perspective for once. Tips on how to overcome this darkness: 1. Put the past behind you. Let go of what you thought you knew about yourself, about how things should work, how the world works, and embrace how no one knows everything, it's okay to learn new things and learn from others experiences too. 2. Make room for balance within your relationships. No, you should never give your all and forget yourself in any relationship dynamic, but you also shouldn't solely think of what you like or what works for you or how you want things to work. Everyone is different and everyone can bring in something unique to a connection. Harmony is a beautiful thing. 3. Working on how you relate with others in connections of all kinds will open new doors for you! Being able to connect with others regardless of the differences in background, experiences, cultures, etc. brings a multidimensional energy to you. Expand your mind, expand your perspective, there is nothing to lose here, nothing you will miss that is 💌 - Astro Angel 💚

Always remember:

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harloqui · 5 months

Note

on your recent statements I have two semi questions-

1. are there any groups not known to be harmful? how are people collaborating to better understand this stuff?

2. if one does unknowingly end up in one of these harmful groups, what should they do?

The two types of groups I've found to not be harmful are a) groups that don't impose one way of shifting, meaning that different views and beliefs are allowed, and b) groups that are very reality focused and place little focus on the supernatural. Neither should be packs or "family-focused", they should be more like online forums for shifters to talk in, and physically shifting (or escaping one's humanity) should not be the goal of the group in question. The mod team should be able to deal with the standard issues that might arise moderating a forum such as people looking to cause confusion, kicking out trolls and creeps, discouraging dangerous ideas, etc. Skeptics should be allowed to enter and talk, provided they're following the rules and not harassing members. (Note: by non-harmful I mean not encouraging unhealthy practices, forcing rituals or "making people shifters" or generally being cultish.)

It also shouldn't need to be said, but the groups should also be free of racism, sexism, ableism, queerphobia, suicide-baiting, etc. It should also be free of dodgy behavior - nobody should be asking for say, nude pictures of you or wanting you to do inappropriate things to others. These aren't shifter-specific issues, but if a group has these problems it's just unhealthy irregardless of shifting being there.

A good example of A would be a site like Kin-Walkers, or WerewolfsWebsite. Both sites were open to a variety of views and members (preventing an echo chamber), and although shifting was a focus of both sites, the physical world was just as important. You had members talking about finding time for the supernatural in-between school and work, or how to navigate adult life as a were, and becoming balanced with one's animal side. Kin-Walkers was just as focused on spirituality and shamanism, so for some that was something that preoccupied them more than shifting physically.

This group style might be undesirable for people who are less interested in the wider supernatural though, or who want a purely rational, scientific explanation for shifting. They also might let in individuals who are a little bit "out there" from time to time, so if you have a low tolerance for what might be termed "fluffy" behavior, that might not be a group for you.

A good example of B would be Werewolf-Shifters amino, or the old I am a Real Werewolf group of Experience Project. Although shifters were there, shifting was considered an undesirable trait, and most dissuaded people from even romanticizing it. Most shifters saw themselves as human, shifting was a rare event (if it ever happened at all) and most lived as humans and emphasized human lives. When shifting was talked about, it was talked about in almost purely scientific terms - you can't be turned or changed, it's likely genetic, it coincides with the end of puberty, you can't decide when to shift, etc. Because of this, many of the conversations in these groups trend towards ordinary life matters instead of strictly focusing on the supernatural.

This group style might be good for those who like a more scientific approach to shifting, though a lot in these groups tend to be older and prone to being a bit skeptical of newer concepts as a result. (Ex. many are skeptical of therians/otherkin, plurals, pop-culture pagans, etc.) If you're not fond of being grilled or queried on these things, that might not be a group for you.

Generally, if you can find a shifting forum or group that isn't a pack, you're onto a great start.

If you do unknowingly end up in an unhealthy, harmful, or toxic group... first, you should try to leave as soon as possible. If it's a discord server or forum, find the best way to leave and do it all at once. Delete all your posts if you can, and get screenshots of any offending behavior if necessary. If you know the times the mods tend to come on, find the time when they're not on, and do what you can to erase your identity. Block all the members if you have to, if you're afraid they might try to contact you or harass you.

If people are pressuring you to do dangerous substances or rituals, or recommending them, bring it up on the forum or tell the mods. In a healthy group this is usually swiftly dealt with, in harmful groups they aren't.

If they have information on you that might be compromising (such as addresses, photos, or other ID) and they intend to use it against you, get their info, block them and report them to the authorities - what they're doing may be illegal at that point. It might also be good to inform anybody that you know and trust, since they might be able to help you through it. If the group plans to contact others with the photos to humiliate you, get to those people first and tell them what's going on - that way if that group tries contacting them, it has no effect.

If you know the group in person, my advice is much the same, but with a stronger focus on contacting the police, since they're more likely to be useful here.

Remember, being a shifter doesn't excuse any harmful or bad behavior. Even if someone proves their claims 100% and seems sincere, that doesn't give them the right to manipulate you or abuse you.

I'd also encourage you to check yourself and see if you're doing fine in a particular group. Even if it isn't objectively harmful, some groups just don't work well for certain people, and that's fine. If it's an otherwise healthy group, it should allow you to leave without much fuss.

#harloqui.txt #asks #nonhuman safety #p-shifting #physical shifter #p-shifter

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kaddyssammlung · 29 days

Text

Chokehold – Analysis

“When we were made It was no accident”

And right away I have a problem. Let me just ask you this. What do you believe? Do you believe in evolution theory? Do you think that applies to humans as well as to animals? Do you believe that it only applies to animals?

I will leave you with those question. I can't write what I know.

I want this text / video to stay on this platform.

“We were tangled up like branches in a flood”

Same thing as what I just said.....

“I come as a blade”

That's an strange one. Does he mean that finally someone will save him? Since we had all those topics of wanting to be saved. Or is he the blade?

Listening to this music and sometimes having strong emotions come out makes me think that he is the blade. As if it's an analogy for causing those strong emotions.

“A sacred guardian”

Okay? So what is that you guard?

It's kind of like the one before. I would just like to know if he means himself or someone else.

“So you keep me sharp and test my worth in blood”

That line always creeped me out and it still does. “What all of these scars on my arms are for”?! Is this how this is connected? I don't even want to say what's lying on my tongue right now.

“You've got me in a chockehold”

From the way that he sings it, making it sound as if he was actually gasping for air, I feel like he means an actual chockehold and not a metaphorical one. But I get the feeling. Not being able to breath or move...

“Beneath the stormy seas above the mountain peaks”

As above so below! To me, again, a hint on the hermetic principles. Everything that we see in the outside world is just a reflection of what is inside of us.

And also he mentions mountains a few times. “I'm stuck in a time where the mountains shook” and also “you wandered off the path, through the silence of the hillside”.

“It's all the same to me It makes no difference”

As within so without....To me this also kind of fits the hermetic principles.

“I've seen my days unfold done the impossible”

You and me both, Vessel. This makes me think about a very strange and vivid dream I once had. It was about teaching others how to fly again. Yes again. I was joined by someone. It seemed like we were good friends and we met each other through this fandom.

So yes I'm familiar with strange visions. Either at night time or during meditation.

“I'd turn my walls to gold”

I feel like this hints on alchemy again. Turning things into gold is being said to be the essence of alchemy. But that's not even true. It's about spiritual gold and not actual gold.

“To bring you home again”

I once came across a book that's called “The Smoky God” by Willis George Emerson. The author tells a story about someone who lands on “inner earth”. There is civilization living there and the funny thing is...they have golden walls. Idk how this relates to the lyrics or how much of that is really true but I just wanted to throw this in here.

“So show me that which I cannot see”

This makes me think about so many things. How my views changes through the years of just sitting down and meditating. I really feel like I opened the gates to a whole new world through that without really having done anything other than to just really calm my whole system down.

“Even if it hurts me Even if I can't sleep”

With a higher consciousness you start to see through things. There is so much BS out there to put it in mild terms.

Many of these things were confusing at first.

And it also makes me think about the parts of my past that I had blocked out of my memory. Remembering those was necessary to have a more clear picture on what had happened but also it was very painful to remember all of this.

“Oh, and though we act out of our holy duty to be constantly awake”

I am constantly awake. Spiritually speaking.

To me spiritual awakening is a process that can't be reversed. Once something started that initiation you are on your way and no one can stop this.

I do feel like there are ups and downs but in general I do feel constantly awake and also I see this as my duty to act as such and to just hold my frequency. That means that I don't want to give into my Ego's need to create drama.

youtube

#sleep token #sleep token lyrics #Youtube

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mamabeatnik · 9 months

Text

Separation of Church & Fate

This year apparently has been about learning self-validation.

I started school this year, and turns out - I’m not dumb and i’m really good at time management, unlike what i was telling myself.

I was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD (combined type) at the very start of the year, and it turns out those are fuckin REAL and so are the issues they bring to my life. I’m not just a lazy asshole, like i was telling myself.

It’s also been about recognizing old patterns and navigating the essential inner growth.

Why do i feel these things about myself? Why is my self-confidence destroyed this year? I KNOW i’m not bad, or dumb, or manipulative, and that i am always putting effort into growth within relationships and myself. I like to ask questions because i’m genuinely curious and i want to know what people think and i like to solve problems in ways that benefit everyone.

So where am i getting this negative self feed-back loop? And why was it missing for a few years but suddenly has come back full-strength?

Turns out that the negative thought patterns i allowed to creep in are not actually my sentiments at all. They’re the reflections of very difficult years in harsh environments built up over time, strengthened by the perceived notions of people who have no fucking clue what’s actually going on. My inner awful dialogue wasn’t something i struggled with as a kid, until the church came along. This would be partially a product of simply being a child, but also being an AUTISTIC child. Most children are who they are, they like who they are, and they don’t realize that there’s anything wrong with them until someone doesn’t like them or misunderstands them. Essentially, all children are taught to be self-conscious and learn that they are ‘weird’ or ‘bad’ or ‘dumb” from social peers and triggered adults and the cycle starts there.

This is true tenfold for autistic children.

Up until the point I was introduced into a society that isn’t built to include me, i had no frame of reference to believe that i was any better or worse than anyone else. I was ME. I liked being me, until i encountered a religious environment that told me i must acknowledge that i’m a bad person in order to participate and get any social ‘perks’ with my club membership (my father also told me i was 'stupid', an 'idiot', and 'dumb' on a daily basis but that's a story for another time).

This seemed arbitrary. Listening to someone preach love and forgiveness every Sunday while also casting hellish aspersions on non-club members, sanctioning domestic abuse and violence, subjugating their female members, and publicly flogging and banishing members who didn’t adhere to the exact script - none of it made sense. It sure seemed everyone was getting away with something, but because they’d stamped God’s name on it, it wasn’t hypocritical.

My blood would boil, my blood pressure would rise, and I would daydream about stabbing myself in the neck with my pen, listening to these men preach on and on and on. Which didn’t seem constructive or conducive to personal growth. I wanted to get rid of that part of me that spent the mornings in the pew viscerally angry. Because, as i was being told, the problem was ME.

I started asking genuine questions because i was confused how such GOOD people could be so hypocritical and lack so much self-awareness. Why would these men tell my mom she had to stay with a man who pushed her down stairs and beat her children and why would they say God wants it? Why would they take it upon themselves to discipline grown adults like they were children and treat children like livestock to “train”. Why would there be a spiritual entity that wants any of this?

These aren’t ground-breaking questions that should shake the very foundations of a sturdy, well-built religious faith that’s predicated on genuine love and forgiveness. If we were truly involved in the spiritual practice this cult claimed we were, there would be inclusiveness. Kindness.

Support.

Grey areas.

Honest and difficult conversations.

The ability to share your experiences and have them be received with curiosity and understanding.

There would be space for mistakes, apologies, and proper conflict resolution.

Turns out, this was too ideal and not the environment in which i found myself. I quickly learned that asking tough questions and trying to have a dialogue relegated me to the status of “questionable” and “dangerous” - even if I took accountability and apologized. I didn’t understand that.

Years later, i realized i’d already been marked as dangerous by this community when i was 8. And while it sounds too self-victimizing to be true - it was simply because I shared some info and asked a question.

My father’s anger was ramping up. He had started taking it out on my mom in physical abuse form, and if i stepped in, it was my turn. Being a problem solver, i figured sharing this info with some older girls at the church might yield positive results. Perhaps their dad could say something to mine. What actually happened was difficult to process.

The girls went to their mother, who went to my mother. I was pulled aside and reprimanded by this other woman for sharing personal family info and instructed never to do it again. She had dragged my mother over with her and lectured both of us on…something - probably encouraging us to get our feminine tongues under control. Years later, this woman’s husband would recommend that my beaten mother skip the divorce she so badly needed on the premise that God likes faithful and submissive wives. But that's another story.

So this is where I learned that my naturally questioning and problem-spotting brain was THE problem. If you see something suspicious, you will get swatted. If you ask questions, you will be banished. If you speak up for yourself, you will be punished. It doesn’t matter how obvious the problem is, how kindly you try to say it - it doesn’t matter if you’re not contributing to the dialogue in a way that sweeps things under the rug and bolsters the bullshit.

I had assumed this was only an issue within church structure. Once i left, the pattern seemed to resolve itself. A non-religious social hierarchy built on the same non-friction and passive double-standard principles didn’t seem like it should exist.

Unfortunately, au contraire.

This year was about learning that people everywhere feel attacked when you suggest something in the social structure is off and try to have a dialogue about it. In a less aggressive sense, this situation mimicked the one from my childhood - misrepresentation, misunderstanding, an entire group of people telling me i was wrong and insecure, and several others clinging to the idea that i tried to control their lives.

(lol - why are they pretending i have that much power)

The difference this time was that i'm now an adult. I have endless experience being treated this way for asking questions.

i also now know that people - esp women - on the spectrum are treated socially poorly bc they're easy targets due to our trusting nature and our communication disability and inability to understand or be passive aggressive. So we are labeled confrontational and aggressive. Dramatic and rude. This time around, I can observe it from a more secure vantage point. i don't have to let it rule my life or destroy my self-confidence. Or convince me that my intentions are bad or my perspective invalid. I can simply remove this dynamic from my life altogether. I can stand up and leave that pew behind.

What surprised me wasn't that i was encountering these accusations of being dangerous again. What surprised me was that it was a social structure of people in their 30s, who should know better. What surprised me was that the church structure i'd worked so hard to leave behind exists alive and well, but on a social level.

Certain social groups it turns out, can also be built on rules and certain ways of doing things. None of this is the more ‘correct’ way, it’s just become whatever is easy and more acceptable by a majority. There’s even a game element to it - and as long as you play by the rules and don’t upset anyone - even if their behavior has negatively impacted you - you have a club membership! Don’t rock the boat! Please be sensitive to others but the minute you ask them to be sensitive of you, it could end poorly for you and only you! If you have a mental breakdown because of years of hiding an unknown disability, you will be accused of trying to take advantage of someone financially! You're not a partner! You suck! This social construct hates consequences, but we definitely have some for YOU!

This provides a nice set-up for people that lack self-awareness or good intentions - or have yet to sort through their negative patterns of behavior. People who aren’t BAD per se, but also aren’t trying to grow or take accountability. Charismatic people who charm the pants off friends but gaslight and stonewall their partner behind closed doors. People who haven’t learned conflict resolution. People who don’t understand boundaries. People who are blind to the fact that most of society functions around using your friends to get the attention and validation you want rather than learning to get it from yourself. And these don’t make them bad people. No one is perfect, and we all have blind spots and struggles.

The distinction lies in whether or not they’re willing to accept responsibility and pay attention when someone shares negative feedback or says “hey…i think we have a problem.” The only bad person is someone who makes a mistake and does not apologize or learn from it, but chooses defensiveness and projection instead (at the end of the day, that will affect THEM negatively the most). No one likes to hear they’re wrong or fucking it up, but it’s a necessary part of being a human if we want to grow and improve. It’s a personal pattern to break. Humans are here to communicate and help each other.

Reliving an experience adjacent to my church upbringing as an adult has been eye-opening. This year, i realized this is where my personal responsibility to breaking this pattern as an Autistic person comes in. Because of the autism, I will be dealing with this in some form for the rest of my life. The pattern contains many things - my participation, my willingness to trust that most people have good intentions and want to be better and will listen when someone speaks up, my effort to fit in with everyone else, my desire for connection. In certain environments, these expectations will be true. Recreating my experience as a child of witnessing fishy behavior, boundaries being crossed, and trying to step in for someone that was not my responsibility was my fault. I willingly chose to do this. That's my shit to work through.

And while it is not up to me to accept the blame for how people respond or their behavior, my responsibility, in order to avoid putting myself in these witch-hunt situations, is to learn how to recognize in which environments asking questions and solving problems is accepted, and to pursue relationships within those. Because, based on how my brain works and my communication style, no matter how much responsibility I take for my side of the street, other people will find some sort of problem with how I am.

However, I can complain about how i’m being treated for speaking up for myself all i want, but if i truly want growth and a healthy environment, i’ll stop choosing social spaces that label me as insecure and controlling, and i’ll stop choosing people who play the victim and misrepresent me and gossip.

If i am in a place where i cannot open dialogues with people and learn and grow with them, then i must seize the opportunity to trust myself, my intuition, and my emotions. Time to practice the self-validation that i have struggled so much with over the years and learn the warning signs of this particular pattern, so that i don't have to play this game again. i can validate my own experiences. I can seek environments where deconstruction of social norms is encouraged, and where my question-asking brain isn't THE problem.

Because if all it takes is one person challenging the "way it's always been" to topple a social or religious structure and wreak havoc, then what was that foundation built on? Certainly something that was already false and unsustainable to begin with. If the structure of whatever i'm questioning is truly sound, it shouldn't result in defensiveness and fear and gossip. It should add to foundations and be embraced as another unique nail that holds it up.

In a sense, I'm grateful to be confronted with this strange dynamic again. These experiences teach me how NOT to be. I don't want to live my life unable to take responsibility and unable to embrace different points of view. That's where we lose growth and accountability and stay the same. That's how we are adults with a child's conflict resolution skills. That's how we tell ourselves that our point of view is THE one and we harm and ignore the others.

Be respectful. Speak up for yourself. Ask questions. Point out problems. And if people don't like it, that's their problem.

#neurodivergency #autism things #religious trauma #religious deconstruction #social issues #personal growth

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the-northern-oracle · 2 months

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Lucifer

Lord Lucifer has been there for me.

I spent many years of my childhood praying to a God that never answered and, by the time I decided to make contact with Lord Lucifer, I had pretty much lost what little faith remained from my early years.

He, however, responded to me almost instantly the first time I reached out to him. It was honestly a little bit terrifying, but he comforted me in that moment.

My spiritual journey since then hasn't been easy. There's been much pain and confusion. There have been times that I have, regrettably, cursed at the beloved Emperor for "dragging me into this".

Despite that, he's not gotten angry with me or shunned me. Even though he can't magically fix everything that is wrong in my life, he can offer his support. He can let me know that I'm loved and cared for, and he does as much as he can.

He's helped me learn more about the origins of my soul and who I am. He helped connect me to the love of my life. He has helped me see just how strong I truly am.

He's never asked for anything in return, except for a rose here and there.

I don't know what will happen once I pass on from this life - sometimes that residual "fear of God" or the propaganda against demons starts to creep in and I worry.

Despite that, though, I know I will remember. I will remember who stayed by my side in my darkest hours. I will remember who made me feel safe. I will remember who answered my prayers.

I will stand with Lucifer.

#spiritual #occult #lucifer #lord lucifer #the morning star #fallen

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teslacoils-and-hubris · 1 year

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stop holding back, talk about your oc

Anon you're playing a dangerous game telling me to talk about any of my ocs but especially ocs for the fandoms I'm currently obsessing over

So because most tf2 ocs are mostly just self inserts that don't play around with the whole joke of their characters designs (totally valid and I also do it), I wanted to play in the space and make someone that i could reasonably see ending up in tf2 in a different world, hence my anti violence hippy who somehow ended up as a merc using chemical weapons to kill people! Everything about this character is at its core an attempt at being funny that is probably only funny to me lol. The rest is under the read more cause it got long

Anyways meet the chemist! I imagine he's functionally sort of a cross between demoman and pyro, one weapon being a sort of delayed fire trap similar to demos stickybombs but instead of bombs they're aerosol gas weapon canisters that create a sort of poison cloud that gives damage if you run through it that adds up the longer you stay in a cloud. His second weapon is basically a recolor of pyros flamethrower except chemical/acid spray instead of fire, it has a certain time it gives damage for similar to afterburn. I haven't figured out what his meele weapon is yet, but I imagine he does have a two person taunt where he puts a flower in their gun

Backstory wise it's basically what I said before, he was just a weird hippy hitchhiking around, making and doing drugs, and getting suckered into newage spiritual cults. He found he was pretty skilled with a chemistry set and started playing around making highly illegal chemical weapons for fun and probably used them at some anti violence protests he was at, which eventually got him scouted by miss pauling to avoid legal charges by moving down to New Mexico and putting his skills to use. He thought he was being pulled into a new cult and just went along with it and was honestly pleasantly surprised to find out it wasnt another cult. Nice change of pace :)

Personality wise he's pretty chill. Susceptible to suggestion and 100% believes in aliens but isn't so into the whole new age stuff that it's apparent until you get to know him and he mentions off hand that he was abducted by aliens and told the secrets of the universe one night. Firmly against the idea that aliens built the pyramids or had any real role in human civilization until roswell because the aliens told him so. I imagine he talks like Bill and Ted. This is critical he may be anti violence but he has absolutely no moral problems about fucking people up and even killing them. His problem was doing it as a job but he was totally cool beating up assholes for free. He had a bit of a clash with his new job at first, but when told he could do his damn job or leave in a body bag he got over it pretty quick

When it comes to the other mercs, there's plenty of opportunity for chaos as always. I imagine he gets along well enough with engi and demo, talking about engineering and chemistry needed in all their jobs and just hanging out. I imagine a sort of running gag with scout where scout complains about his lack of game to chemist and chemist, who is a freak and a weirdo and looks like a wet rat, regales him with some story that somehow ends with him getting laid despite all odds and scout being angry/jeleous/confused/come on?? This guy?? About it. Spy hates him cause he's gross and weird and all to touchy Feely and constantly tries to get the group to be emotionally open. Smokes with sniper in the woods. Honestly kind of creeped out by medic I don't have a reason I just feel it in my bones it took a while for them to warm up to eachother. Running joke were soldier calls him a hippy and he just shrugs and agrees and makes soldier even madder

Anyways I'm not happy with my design for him yet but have this first draft design that I do like but doesn't feel like it fits the aesthetic of tf2 enough for me, the half visible emblem is based on chemical hazard information symbols and will also probably get reworked at some point

#asks #my ocs

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menalez · 11 months

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I need some advice. I recently was broken up with and I'm reeling from it. We met when i was 19 and he was 32 and we ended up hooking up 6 years ago. He didn't tell me until after we hooked up that he had a wife which started a crazy feud, but he eventually divorced his wife and convinced me to be in a relationship with him. The relationship was pretty rocky at first because he was very emotionally abusive. Like he would constantly reprimand me for doing the wrong thing and saying the wrong thing and would lecture me for hours and not let me sleep until I agreed with him. I used to live with him sometimes because my mom got evicted and i couldn't hold down a stable job because I had an untreated learning disability and he would pick fights with me every day when I would say/ do the wrong thing and sometimes he would even kick me out.

While he did all this its v confusing bc he was also very good to me at the same time?? He helped me out when I was evicted and let me live rent free with him. He helped me get my diagnosis and helped me look for a job. He helped me get over some of my insecurities and would urge me to go to therapy and helped me get my driver's license. The last 2 years he started becoming more spiritual and became a lot nicer to me (He would still reprimand me but not as often) and urged me to do yoga and meditation. He started getting serious and during that time he was throwing ideas around of leaving everything behind and going to a yoga center etc. I was so drained atp from the constant mistreatment and feeling like I wasn't a priority so I went outside the relationship to explore my options. i met a guy that I was going to meet for dinner and just talk to, but I was drugged and assaulted. I felt so guilty that I told my boyfriend and he broke up with me. This was a year ago. Since then, we've been on and off because he would come back but couldn't commit because he couldnt trust me. Early this year he moved to a different state and he reached out to me to ask if I wanted to visit him out there in the summer. I was cautious but I agreed because I missed him. We started calling and texting every day and he started hinting that he wanted a relationship with me again. I started catching feelings again and was grateful for the opportunity to make things right because I fucked up. I bought the plane tickets and two days after I bought them he told me that he was getting women flirting with him out there and that he wanted to explore his options. I was so upset and I asked him why we couldnt work things out, he told me he still couldnt trust me after what happened. He told me it's best if I get a refund on the tix and just stay home. I felt so crushed, I felt like I was lead on and I feel so ashamed and guilty over what I did. The worst part is I felt like I ruined everything and it's my fault that the relationship ended the way it did. What do I do???? I have no friends and no one to talk to.

oh my god anon the second u said 'we met when i was 19 and he was 32' i knew this was gonna be bad.

anon, dump this man and do not look back. he literally broke up with you for BEING RAPED. he made u feel guilty and like ur not trustworthy for being R A P E D. he would kick u out and utilise ur homelessness. he keeps confusing u. he literally is over a decade older than u, u were a teenager and hes nearing middle-aged!!!!!!!!!!! hes a creep!!!!!! he was using u and continues to and u NEED to put ur foot down n realise u deserve better than this

#trust me most abusers arent pure evil thats why many of us stayed in abusive relationships #he sounds like an abuser. most abusers have a 'good side' too

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let-the-living-beware · 2 years

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(^◕ᴥ◕^) - ��𝓪𝓽 𝓖𝓱𝓸𝓼𝓽 - (^◕ᴥ◕^)

This is inspired by the vocaloid song 或る化け猫の恋物語 (The lovestory of a cat ghost) by Nem.

Character: Kou Mukami

Type: x reader (neutral)

Tw: Violence, Death

(^˵◕ω◕˵^)👻(^˵◕ω◕˵^)👻(^˵◕ω◕˵^)👻(^˵◕ω◕˵^)👻

Your slow cries echoed throughout the cemetery, attracting the attention of a small black cat. He recognized you from around the village. Your husband became ill a few years ago, and you dedicated your life to raising funds for a doctor. Nonetheless, you always fed him a portion of your meal.

Something in him awoke as he stared at you longer and longer. Sadness was something he had never felt before. He didn't want you to cry, but rather to be happy. "I want her to be happy again." he whispered and with a slight light arising from his chest he turned into your husband, a handsome young man with blonde hair and light blue eyes. "Hey, neko-chan," he said as he approached you. When you heard his words, you turned around, stunned. You walked slowly towards him but collapsed before you could reach him, bursting into even more of a crying mess than before. "You are alive. Please, never leave me again." you cried out.

Kou kneeled down and hugged your fragile body that was shaking uncontrollably. "I wont." he whispered just so loud you could hear it. "I am so glad you´re back, Kou." you spoke out while watching inhis blue eyes. A thought creeped into Kous mind. Maybe this wasn´t a good idea?

≼❣→𝕹𝖞𝖆𝖓←❣≽

Kou slowly looked over to you making breakfast like every morning for a month now. He learned to love you more and more but not as a lover, as a friend. He wanted to protect you and make you the happiest person on earth. "Breakfast is ready, darling." you cheered as you walked towards him with miso soup in your hands. You still hadn´t had much money but still tried to make the best out of it. "I will go down town to sell some of the clothes I made. They are getting more and more popular you know? If only they were back when you were so terribly ill." you sighed and took a sip of your soup. The blonde haired boy looked at you in confusion. He always thought someone else made these clothes and you would just sell them. "That´s great! How about I come and help you?" , "Oh god no, darling. You still need some rest!" You instantly contered with a concerned look at your face.

It was fine by him, after all were dirty hands the worst of it all. But maybe he could have promoted it a bit since he didn´t look bad. He would call himelf beautiful even, way out of your league. When your real husband was still around he always wondered why you were together in the first place. He seemed pretty well liked by some of the more wealthier girls in town. It was a riddle to him. "Well I need to get going, until later." you smiled and said a quick goodbye when you left. Kou stood in the doorframe until he couldn´t see you and then closed the door to have some privacy. Now it was time to relax a bit and find out more about your relationship.

Well at least that´s what he wanted to do but the blonde was disturbed by a knock on the door. A little bit annoyed at his disturbed peace he turned around and opened the door only to find two men in front of it. "Is this the Mukami household?", they asked, a threatening aura around them. "Yes." was Kou´s short answer. The men smiled at each other. "We´re here to get the money back that your wife lend the Sakamaki family."

Sakamaki? He heard that name somewhere before. Weren´t that these arrogant Yokai that made themselves comfortable in the human world? His older brother was complaining about them a few times. But why would you owe them anything? This would only be possible if...no. You were smart enough to not take on debts from spiritually beings. That must´ve been a mistake.

"I am sorry but you must have got the wrong family.", he answered, and the men looked at each other again but this time with a hush of anger on their faces. "I doubt that, mister but if you won´t comply we have to take trastic meassures." the stronger one said and pulled out a sword. Kous mood was now ruined completely. If they wouldnt back up he had to make a move. "Hear, you scumbag I dont want you messing around with them. They are in enough stress as is and if you wont back away now I will kill you." his voice now seemed deeper and not as cheerful as before. He also let his tail and ears show. "and now piss off.", with that last sentence a whosh of magic stormed through them instantly putting them to the ground. But he still wasn´t done, he finally could let out the things he wasn´t able to do on anyone in your presence. "Lets have some fun, what do you say?"

≼❣→𝕹𝖞𝖆𝖓←❣≽

"I´m back honey!" you shouted into the house. Something seemed off but you just blamed it on your imagination. "Neko-chan you´re late. I was gonna go look for you." Kou walked towards you with his hand spread out to give you a hug. "Haha sorry I was talking to Subaru-kun. I lent some money from them some time ago and he was checking up on me." you smiled at them and Kous hunch that these guys were thiefs that caught on, on your debt confirmed itself. Still he was somehow mad that you had such a good relation with one of the Sakamaki. "Oh thats nice!" he relied to you adn took your hand. "You know I made a surprise for you.", "Really?" you asked exited. It was sometime that you got anything and Kou knew that.

He took your hand and led you towards the kitchen. On the table was whole meal he decided to make for you after beating up these robbers. Your eyes shone in exitement as you sat down on the table. kou walked towards the kitchen counter to get the last ingredient that had to be kept warm to taste good. "You know Kou." you began stopping said male in his tracks. The moon already shone through the window and his eyes lit up in the two colors they really were. "Everytime I looked into your eyes I remembered that his looked different than yours but I dont care." you finished your sentence and it hit Kou like a rock.

He began to shiver uncontrollably and tears formed in his eyes. So you knew? Before he could think twice his legs already gave in ans you run over to him. Tears streamed down his eyes like a never ending waterfall. He felt your embrace but it was already to late. Only seconds went by before he was his true self again. A little blonde cat with a blue and red eye. He never wanted you to see him like this. He never wanted you to find out. Ashamed, sad and angry of himelfs he ran towards the one open window but not before you couls speak your last words to him.

"I thank you so much dear Cat."

To this day there is a legend of a blonde cat going up to an old cemetary to watch over the person he once saved.

#kou mukami #diabolik boys #diabolik lovers #diabolik lovers angst #my wriring

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