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burninlovebutler · 1 year

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20 - I Know You're Lying // Forever Winter // a.b x oc

warnings: mentions of drugs, sad/high!austin, cursing, mainly dialogue, kinda short, 18+ always, minors dni

20/?: Elsie shows up unannounced and suspects Austin of lying, then asks him to compromise for the sake of the coming holiday.

see masterlist/summary for background info + chapter log

Now I need your help with everything that I do I don't want to lie, I've been relying on you

I hope I don't murder me I hope I don't burden you

-AUSTIN-

I laid on my couch, every limb glued to the dark blue suede. It felt like heaven, a soft velvety heaven. The concrete hues and patterns of my ceiling blended into something so consuming. Plaster swirls spun around each other in a fluid dance, eyes following every twirl. Nothing else on my mind besides that beautiful cement performance.

An abrupt buzz rattled against the glass coffee table, yanking me from my riveting entertainment. It took a full ring and midway through another for me to finally reach my phone, turning it over to see Elsie’s name on my screen. A lazy smile tugged at my lips.

“Hello,” Answering, though it sounded significantly more excited in my head.

“Austin, what the fuck are you doing?” She asked sounding urgent, annoyed?

“What do you mean?” Just speaking felt like the most exhausting endeavor. “I’m, talking to you.”

“Austin, I’ve been knocking at your door for the past 20 minutes.”

“What? I think you’re mistaken Els. I’ve been home all day.”

“I know.” I never knew a knock could sound so annoyed until her fist met my door again.

“Oh, sorry I um, hold on.” Every muscle worked overtime to stand me upright.

The line went dead.

I heaved open the heavy metal door and propped myself against it, stumbling a bit when it swung back. “Sorry, I um- I must’ve fell asleep.”

She stepped forward cautiously, her eyes inspected me. Like she was a scientist, and I was the petri dish. “Right.” Stepping past me and into my apartment. “Is this why you haven’t answered any of my calls for the past week?”

“Els, I’ve been busy okay.” I precariously closed the heavy door behind me as if I moved too fast it would fall apart. “Listen, I can’t have you here right now. I’m doing a lot of work.” My immediate excitement of her visit quickly disappeared.

Her brows knit together as she stepped towards once again. I tried to divert my eyes from her this time. “Okay, you’re kinda freaking me out and I don’t appreciate you just showing up and– “ Lifting herself to her tippy toes, her index and thumb prying my eye open.

I immediately jerked back, “The fuck are you doing?”

“Are you fucking high?”

“What the fuck are you talking about, of course I’m not high.” Though, my snail slow speech begged to differ.

“You’re lying to me.”

“I’m not.”

“Your eyes are fucking red, you’re high.”

“I’m not fucking high, Elsie.”

“Yes, you are, I know you like the back of my fucking hand Austin. You’re high.”

I hated seeing her like that, seeing her look at me like that. I knew she was concerned, angry even, but mostly it was sadness hidden in her voice. That one was the dagger. It was part of package deal though, wasn’t it? Addiction and disappointment, one and the same. You can’t really have one without the other. An unfortunate byproduct but it was one I, at least, attempted to limit from her.

I’ve tried being honest about relapses before, but it only made things worse, complicated. It was the biggest fucking mistake because now under any slight suspicion she’d be up my ass, watching me like a hawk. The Nox sighting shit from last week was a mistake too, yet another thing I had to hide. Anything slightly strange I saw or heard, I had to assume it was just my head, even if it looked or felt real. The problem though was that those lines were beginning to blur.

“Fine, fine. Yeah.” I admitted. “I just smoked, it’s not a big deal.”

What I hated even more than seeing her look at me like that, was lying to her.

“It doesn’t smell like weed in here.”

“I blew it out the window.”

“Show me the bowl.” She crossed her arms and popped out a hip.

“You know, I don’t really appreciate you coming in here and accusing me of shit.” I snapped back.

“Show me the bowl.” Her eyes narrowed in on me.

“I don’t have to answer to you Elsie. I’m not a child.”

“Show me the bowl.” Her voice stern and filtered through grinded teeth.

“Fine. You wanna see the bowl? I’ll show you the fucking bowl.”

I rashly made a b-line to my bedroom. Luckily, I had been smoking, so this shouldn’t be a hard sell. I did however take the pill bottles scattered on my nightstand and shoved them back into my drawer.

I carried the once clear blue pipe out to her. It had been packed and half smoked. “See, weed.” And dropped the piece in her hands. “Are you fucking happy now?”

Misty green eyes studied me intently, still like I was a science experiment. I was too high to decipher if she was buying it or not. Knowing Elsie, she wasn’t convinced. But right now, she had no proof of anything else. The exact proof she was looking for was in her hands.

“If it was just weed then why did you lie to me about it?” Her tone softer now, delicate.

I anchored myself once again to the same spot on the couch. Taming my high for this interaction was taking every last bit of effort in me. The cloud-like sofa enveloped me in the softest hug. Xanax made everything feel light, fluffy, happy – until someone tries to rip you out of it. I was either a giddy fool or a raging asshole. And right now, I was really wishing she’d fucking leave so I could get back to the dancing plaster on my ceiling. It had become my top priority.

I wouldn’t be so fucking annoyed if I could just have her sit next to me and watch the show above us. That was the most fucked up part, I wanted her to join me. I wanted company as corrupt as me. I wanted someone who understood the concrete ceiling performance, someone just as fucked up. But she’d never do that, she was too good. And in my heart, I knew it wasn’t right, I’d never want anyone to deal with this fucked up burden of mine. Especially not her.

“I don’t know, you just get so fucking worried about everything.” Dropping my hands in defeat then bringing one to my temple.

“Yes, because you fucking worry me. Because you were just at my house-”

“Elsie. It’s just fucking pot calm the fuck down.”

“You know it doesn’t work like that for you.”

I rolled my eyes at her words. But she was right. Since my ‘break’ (at least that’s what everyone simmered it down to), in college, me and marijuana didn’t mix well anymore. At least not most strains, for it to be helpful I needed very specific types. Which kinda took the fun out of it since it was a lot of trial and error.

“It’s a good strain. It helps me.” Although I could act, lying in real life was difficult. You know how people say that if you can lie well, you’re a good actor? Not always true.

At least not with me, not with her.

Or maybe I just was a shitty actor after all.

“Mhm.” She hummed, then sat next to me, twisting to face me.

“How’ve you been since-“

“I’m fine, I don’t wanna talk about it.” Filling in the blanks for her before she could even prompt them.

“You can tell me if something is going on, you know that right?” She spoke in the sweetest tone, one that could rot your teeth right out of your skull. I couldn’t go to her, not this time. She went to reach for my hand, but I drew away.

“Els, there’s nothing fucking going on. I’m fine. Can we just drop it?”

I just wanna get back to my stupid fucking ceiling show.

Her pink lips pressed together staying quiet and focusing her fumbling thumbs. “Anyway um… I um,” She tucked a chestnut wave behind her ear, then twirled a freshly manicured finger around the lock. “Don’t be mad.”

I knitted eyebrows together looking over at her, my dazed mind trying to think of what she could possibly have to tell me that would make me mad. Madder than her accusing me of shit.

“Do you think um… Do you think you’d be open to spending Christmas with me and Nox?” Her expression held an air of telling your parents you did something bad, like she was bracing herself for impact. No doubt a result of whatever Nox puts her through.

Suddenly I was coming down from my high and I was coming down quick. “Why the fuck would I want to have Christmas with him?”

“Well… I want to spend Christmas with you, but also with him so…” She trailed off.

“So, you’re forcing us to interact for you?” Propping up an accusatory eyebrow.

“Well, uh,” She pressed her lips together again, “He wants to apologize.”

“Apologize?” I snorted, “Elsie he fucking held me against a fridge and then punched me.”

“Only after you punched him first.” She countered.

“Yeah, he fucking had you by the fucking throat. You’ve got to be shitting me right now.”

“Well, I just think… you could apologize too you know?”

I scoffed, “Oh that’s fuckin rich.”

“Aust please, I just want you guys to get along.” Pleading once more.

“I’m not fucking apologizing to him, he’s a fucking prick. He deserved it.”

She drew her fidgeting hands into her lap.

“Listen, I don’t know what kind of twisted manipulation bullshit he has you brainwashed with but I'm not doing it.” The words left my mouth before I got a chance to filter them. It was hard to control my moods or my words when I’m strung out, none the less when I was coming down.

The light in her sage eyes faltered when she heard my reply. Pausing before speaking again and dropped her focus back down to her hands. “He’s better now. I promise. He hasn’t been drinking as much. He only gets like that when he’s drunk.”

I knew that was a lie. She didn’t need to be a bad liar for me to know that. Any person with two fucking eyes would know that was a lie.

“Aus, please?”

She leaned heavy on the nicknames when she wanted something. Truthfully, I used to hate any shortened versions of my name. But she made them sound like the best titles you could ever be called. She had to know that they tugged at me because I’d give in to her every time.

As much as I didn’t wanna fucking have a group Christmas with the Grinch himself, if I did give in to her this time - It would distract her from the microscope she had me under and buy me some time while I got back on track. I could handle it myself and she never had to know. She wouldn’t bother me, and I wouldn’t burden her.

“Please Austie? It would mean a lot to me. If it doesn’t go well then… then you never have to come over when he’s there ever again. I promise.”

Plus, who the fuck am I going to spend Christmas with besides her?

I sighed, “Fine.”

“Yay!” She clapped excitedly, bouncing on the couch before tackling me in a hug, “Thank you!”

“No problem.” I grumbled under my breath.

She retracted carefully, “Hey what you got goin’ on today? I’m taking a break from work so, we could go do something?”

“Well I-“ My mind felt like it was buffering, no words seemed to come out no matter how hard I tried.

“It’s a warmer day today, we could take the ferry to Coney?” She suggested.

“Coney Island? In the middle of winter?”

“It didn’t snow today, well at least not a lot.”

“You’re insane.”

“C’mooon it’ll be so fun, we can lay on the beach. Just wear a heavier jacket or something.” She pressed further.

“The beach! You’ve really lost it. Plus the tourists I-”

“It’s winter! You know Coney is dead out of season.” Practically singing the persuasion.

“Augh, fine.” I gave in, like I always fucking do.

Next Chapter: 21 - Blue M&Ms

As always thank you for any like, comment or reblog. It truly means the world to me - I love seeing others enjoying my lil story & I hearing your thoughts <3

p.s. this chp & the next are the calm before the storm :) lmao

#austin butler #austin butler x oc #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler fanfic #nobody asked for 20+ chps of this but here we are #this chp isn’t my fav but it’s kinda important #austin butler fic #austin butler x fem!oc #austin butler elvis #austin butler fluff #austin butler smut #austin butler sad #austin butler imagine #elvis movie #ao3fic #ao3 writer #comments and kudos #forever winter #forever winter fic

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tilda-rothery · 1 year

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As a fanfiction writer and getting overly excited when an email notification pops up on your phone screen, and thinking, "Holy shit, is this it!? Someone's finally commented on my tiny, maybe not too terrible fic?"

Only to open the email and it's fucking Amazon recommending this you particular brand of airfryer because you bought a new kettle months ago, and so you must need this, right?

Not today, Amazon, not today.

All your hopes, your dreams, crushed.

But...

Oooh, look I got kudos...!

#fanfiction writer #a03 writer #fuck you emails #amazon #amazon is killing my soul #comments and kudos

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ally-holmes · 2 months

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When people take the time to comment on my fics on AO3 really boosts my self-esteem. Writing is hard enough as it is, but doing it in a foreign language takes a lot out of one's soul. That is why when I receive a comment on my story, no matter how brief, expressing that they're enjoying it, gives me power of will to not give up when I'm struggling and to keep working in English although there's still too much to learn of it.

Comments are important. It's not about the number, is about cheering the author. Think about it as if the author is running a marathon and you're witnessing it by the sides; commenting is like waving a banner with the author's name whilst yelling encouragements.

#small rant because i cannot sleep #i just got a new comment and it warmed my heart #ao3 #comments and kudos #comments #they matter

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lady-fey · 1 year

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Setting Expectations for Writing Fanfic

Before embarking on any creative endeavor, it's really important to set your expectations for what the results are going to be. It's why I highly, highly encourage people to research the hellscape that is professional publishing before trying to get something published. But these expectations aren't limited to the professional world. They apply to fan spaces, too. I see a lot of people on disheartened by their experiences with fanfiction so, today, I wanted to talk about a few things that I do when writing on AO3 to make sure that I don't get discouraged while writing.

Suggestion One: Treat Kudos as Comments Saying "I liked your story" or, if you're a bit more cynical, "I read your story to the end"

The kudo button is at the bottom of the page. For you to get a kudo, someone read at least the whole first chapter. That's honestly impressive. A total stranger was engaged enough to read every word that you wrote. Be proud of that! I'll click away from a reddit comment if it's boring. A 1k story? It's gotta be engaging for me to engage.

If you're like me and you like data, take this a step further and consider tracking kudos over time. A number on the page might not mean much, but I find it fulfilling to see the numbers go up over time as more and more people read my stories. I have an excel sheet and I write down the kudo counts for all of my stories anywhere from once a week to once a month. Look at all of those pretty trend lines! (Fanfiction.net did this for favorites by default, btw, this wasn't an original idea). I also added a few notes about why the trend lines look the way they do.

Suggestion Two: Learn what a reasonable amount of kudos looks like for your fandom

Those graphs up there are for stories in two different fandoms. The yellow line is for a story that's in the top 3% in its fandom. Meanwhile, the dark blue line right there at the end just barely made it into the top 10% even though it has about 3x the yellow one's kudos.

How do I know this? Well, AO3 lets you sort by kudos and, if you look in the URL, then you can set the page number, too. One of the first things that I do when entering a fandom is go to the middle of the story list and see what the kudo counts look like at that 50% range. This gives me a good idea of what the average story is going to get in this fandom so that, when I start writing, I don't feel disheartened by some arbitrary expectation of what the kudos are going to look like. You can further refine this by doing things like limiting the stories to ones that feature the pairing that you're writing for or stories at the same rating as yours. (That blue-ish purple line at the bottom is an E fic and I knew when I put it out there that it was going to get about that many kudos just based on how E fics work.)

Also be sure to look and see how active the fandom is. I once made the mistake of writing for a video game years after its release and I ultimately abandoned that fic because no one was engaging with it. If I'd payed attention, then I would have realized that was going to happen before I started writing just based on the amount of stories getting updated. If there aren't at least a few new fics of updated fics every day, then realize that you're in a "dead" fandom and you're not going to see much or even any engagement. Decide if you're okay with that before you put your story out there.

Suggestion Three: Ignore the "Hits" on your fic

AO3's hit counter is somewhat useless. While those who have accounts will only ever get counted as one hit, anyone reading in anonymous mode will get counted as a unique hit based on IP. Which means that, if I'm reading on my phone, my one read can count as multiple hits if I switch networks and then the page refreshes or I go to a new chapter. I'll also get counted as multiple hits if I switch over to my tablet or my laptop. This means that the hit number is artificially inflated, especially for longer works. You have no idea what the real hit count is, so don't obsess over it. Especially if you write longer fics. To illustrate this, look at these hits to kudos for two of my fics:

Top fic is at almost 100k words and the bottom one is just below 10k.

Suggestion Four: Don't expect comments

The reason that I spend all of this time tracking kudos is that comments are just never going to be in abundance. It's the reality of writing. And while that's disheartening on some level, it's important to just accept that fact before you start writing. The fandom stars that you see getting tumblr anons and emails begging for updates are rare exceptions to the rule. Their experience is not common even for "popular" writers.

The orange fic in the graph above was lucky enough to make it to the top page of its fandom when you sort by kudos. I have an older fic that's still in the top 10 by favorites over on fanfiction.net. I am, by some metrics, a "known" author. However, my reader interactions for those fics were not substantially different than my interactions for my less popular ones. I rarely get anyone popping over to tumblr to say hi (though you are welcome to do so!) and the more popular fics don't even get that many more comments. A fact that's true even if they're in larger fandoms.

To illustrate, here's the stats for two complete fics of about equal length (10k), both written by me! The top one has 7 chapters, the bottom one has 5. They were both written and published over a few days. Notice how the comment thread count is about the same even though the top one is way more popular?

I will note that the bottom one has been out for a year while the top one is only a few weeks old, so it will have comments trickle in and raise the number over time, but it will never see a major jump unless it performs differently than everything else that I've ever written. The bottom one is also for a fandom that's been around for almost two decades now, so the readers skew older, which is probably why it's a little better for comments.

Better, but not shockingly good.

I know people say that, back in the fanfiction.net days, you got more comments, but I personally don't find it overwhelmingly different. The orange fic in my graph (my "popular" one from AO3) averaged about 13 comments a chapter while it's ffn "equivalent" was at about 39 comments a chapter. Of course, that's comparing between fandoms, which makes this awkward. I do have a way to gage the relative popularity, though: kudos.

If I look at the ffn fandom over on AO3, the top fics all have at least 3x the number of kudos as the top fics my orange fic's fandom. 13 X 3 = 39. So, yeah, not that different as best as I can tell.

Either way, the number is pretty low when you look at how many people are reading these stories. The orange fic has 1100+ kudos and the ffn fic has 2,200+ favs (the closest kudo equivalent). In other words, in the 10+ years that I've been writing, I've never reached a point where I didn't recognize commenters by name. It's just the nature of the beast.

So, cherish the comments that you do get, but treat them as an unexpected gift.

Suggestion Five: art if you can

If you're at all artistically inclined, illustrate moments from your fic and post them on tumblr with a link back to the fic. That often wildly increases engagement for some reason and is why a lot of seemingly popular authors are also artists. I don't have the skills for it, but I thought that I'd mention it both to help expectation set and to hopefully encourage.

Final Thoughts

This whole post has been to encourage, honestly. I know that writing can be a struggle at times, but know that you're not alone in wondering if people are reading you stuff and, if they are, do they even like it? Those feelings are normal, but I hope that this does something to mitigate those feelings. To show that we all struggle to get feedback, even when we write "popular" stuff.

It's why I started tracking kudos. The lack of comments made me sad, but I remembered those graphs from my ffn days. I remembered getting excited watching the line go up for every new favorite because it was another person who like my work. I wanted to recapture that joy.

Looking at my kudos in log form has changed the way that I see kudos. They're no longer just numbers sitting there. They're an active metric for me. They're real people who I can say with certainty read my story. Going in and doing my log is fun because, slowly but surely, the numbers go up. Those numbers tell me that more people have read my stories and I know what stories can do.

Stories brighten people's day. The fact that you could write something good enough for even one person to make it to the end is more potential positive impact than many people will have. So watch the numbers go up and remember each one is someone you affected so much that they let you know about it. Even if all they did was "click a button".

#ao3 #fanfic #fanfiction #writing fanfic #comments and kudos #ao3 kudos #I left the fic names off of this to focus on the message not my writing btw #not because I'm ashamed of what I've written or something

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meggie-stardust · 1 year

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I have a popular post going around about commenting on old AO3 fics, and this week I had the most delightful interaction. Someone commented on this fic I wrote in 2013; it's by far the most popular fic I've ever written, its on the 5th page if you sort for this pairing by kudos. I do still get pretty consistent Kudos on it, and a few comments here and there, but this is the first one that's called out that the fic is 10 years old. And I was so delighted that they came back and added another comment after I replied. I'm still here, I'm still reading and replying to comments 10 years later, and they still mean the world to me.

#comments and kudos #fandom etiquette #good fandom #meg writes fic

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thequeensownketchup · 1 year

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Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt m-

#fanfiction #archive of our own #ao3 stuff #ao3fic #ao3 #memes #funny #kudos #comments and kudos #fanfic #jokes

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sunflowersandcherryblossoms · 5 months

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Fanfiction writer's problems be like:

Usual reader that comments on each story/chapter: *Doesn't comment*

Me: "Hmm... I wonder if they're okay..."

Also me: "What if they got bored with my story?"

Most definitely me: "Oh god! Oh no! My story sucks..."

#ao3 #fanfic writer #writers problems #comments and kudos

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smoosnoom · 1 year

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do u ever get a comment on a fic thats just so sweet that ur like Maybe slaving over 24k of fanfiction was worth it for user SprinkleTrashcan2012 to leave a three paragraph comment

#theres always like . four commenters that i always remember #outside my friends and mutuals i mean #this is specifically directed at users tofuskies and panimoo and significantace_nnoyance #plus like . toy who is always like the first person to leave a kudos 😭#anyway . this was my excuse to be like Wow people are so nice . anyone else feel like crying #/moon #breached containment #muted

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wanderingcas · 23 days

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people are really looking at stats to determine if a fic is worth reading? no wonder fics that never got popular at the first drop never had a chance 💀

#also people don't really leave kudos anymore #or comments #so stats are fallible!!#don't do this i beg of you #best fic i ever read: barely 100 kudos #worst fic i ever read: most popular in a fandom based on stats #i'm just saying!!!

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atlas-likes-writing · 3 months

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Whenever I get an email from ao3 saying "_____ left you Kudos!" or "_____ commented on ______" An extra week is added onto my lifespan. Remember to always give ao3 authors you enjoy kudos and comments to ensure they live forever.

#ao3 #archive of our own #ao3 fanfic #ao3 writer #ao3 tags #fanfiction #fanfic #fanfics #ao3 comments #ao3 kudos

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teenagenutant · 5 months

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hi! i finally updated my fic pressure bomb so. doodles +lil' comic for chapter 3 & 4 ^^

#tmnt #rottmnt #tmnt leo #tmnt april #rottmnt casey jr #my turtle art #thank you everyone who read kudos or commented on the update by the way 😭 it was super nice to see people still interested after so long.!💖#i had never actually payed attention to april's university logo until This Drawing and then i needed it to be Correct

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burninlovebutler · 2 years

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15 - No Touching* | Forever Winter | a.b x oc

warnings: smut, grinding/dry humping?, excruciating TEASING, insatiable!austin, oral (f receiving), multiple o’s, sweatpants, angst, alcohol, mention of drugs, infidelity?, 18+ mature - minors dni

15/? - austin's best friend tumbles into his lap when she decides she wants to win the game - but only with one rule, no touching.

see masterlist/summary for background info + chapter log

(i hope you horny bitches love this one - 3k+ words)

𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚕𝚊𝚢 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗- 𝙵𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚋𝚘𝚍𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚊 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚎 𝚃𝚞𝚛𝚗 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙸 𝚠𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚕𝚒𝚎 𝙸'𝚟𝚎 𝚐𝚘𝚝 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝙸 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚊𝚠 𝚖𝚢𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚎 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜

-AUSTIN-

As always, the moment dissipated, as if we hit fast forward through the awkwardness. As if I didn’t just have my hand on her pussy.

It was the closest call we’ve had and as much as it turned me on, it also struck a fierce terror in me. And we were just ignoring it. At some point we had to address it – right? We couldn't just keep ‘forgetting’. At least, I didn’t know if I could. But that was just it isn’t it? If we crossed that invisible line, it’s over. That’s what scared me - the aftermath. I couldn’t risk losing her, not over this. Not over wanting to fuck her.

I can’t ruin this. It can’t be me. It won’t be me.

We couldn’t have our cake and eat it too – could we? Friends with benefits are a thing, aren’t they? But could that be us? Can friends be beneficial after 6 years?

Regardless, the Xanax began to overpower the alcohol. I was slowing down, and I was slowing down fast. Every muscle in my body turned to wet clay and we had been dancing for what felt like a lifetime. I wouldn't even consider my frigid movements 'dancing' anymore.

“I think I need a break Els,” I breathed out, exasperated, resting my hand on my knee.

She rolled her eyes, “Booooo!”

I stumbled about 3 feet to my couch, tumbling and immediately melting into it. In that moment, that fucking couch felt like the softest cloud to ever exist.

She spun and staggered backwards, balancing herself back on her feet. The gray shirt riding up her thigh enough to show a tattoo I didn’t know she had. I couldn’t quite make out what it was, maybe a flower?

“I really think you should stop spinning, you’re gonna fall - or get sick.” I chuckled lazily, watching her drunkenly pirouetting. Bringing my arms to rest behind my head then laid back. My eyelids were as heavy as lead, threatening to shut.

She kept going.

“I’ll do what I want!” she protested, continuing to twirl, seemingly closer and closer to me. Between my slowed vision and my half closed eyes, I didn’t realize her velocity. She clashed and landed on top of me, legs across mine, giggling, “oops sorry.”

Propping back up in front of me, she reached for a pillow sitting atop the couch back. In a swift stumble, she fell onto me. This time, a knee at each side of my hips.

Fuck I can’t do this.

Her glazed eyes looked down into mine. I could see the gears turning in her head contemplating her next move. Looking at me like I did her just an hour ago, planning where she'd plant her next pawn. We were at a standstill, watching each other’s eyes. It was a game of who would move first. I already made my move earlier and she stopped me. This was her move now, the ball was in her court.

I can’t ruin us, it won’t be me.

Before I could stop and say that I was going to get up, Elsie reached behind me to catch the pillow that was about to fall. Her ass lifted up as she stretched for it, her chest now in my face. Thank god she was in a t-shirt and not anything with a lower neckline - I think that would've really done me in.

Is she fucking doing this on purpose? I can’t have her on my lap like this.

Not after earlier. She was gonna drive me insane.

She recoiled and sat back on my lap.

And of course, I was in fucking sweatpants.

Fuck

She observed me diligently, wide green eyes still innocent. I didn’t know if they truly were or not. Maybe she really did just accidentally fall in my lap.

Her hands then landed on the couch, one at each side of my head and did something I didn’t expect. She bent down slightly, causing her hips to rock back.

Fuck

I could already feel myself getting hard, begging to be inside her. My restrained hands burned from the need to land on any and every part of her.

She leaned into my face, hovering over my lips.

The fuck is she doing?

I looked up at her, as if asking her that very question.

She just kept her mouth about a centimeter away from mine, her breath accelerated. Her hand tangled into a side of my hair. But her face not moving, not attempting to move forward.

Was this payback for earlier? Was she asking for a rematch?

After a bit of this stalemate, my intoxicated brain decided, what the fuck. If this was really happening, then what the fuck do I have left to lose. It was already too far.

Fuck it. Close call clause.

I stretched up to meet her lips but she ebbed away. She brought a thumb to my lips, hooking onto the bottom one.

“No.” she said quickly and simply, like an order.

Now I was really fucking confused.

Her hips swiveled up then back again. I was fully hardened beneath her, there’s no way she couldn’t feel me. Yet, she continued.

It hadn’t registered til just then that she was only in that shirt and it was just her in panties pressed against my strained bulge.

She repeated the action, each move was slow and deliberate.

“El what are you doing?” Asking lowly, but my eyes not leaving her. She was too mesmerizing of a sight to give up. I was searching for any indicator that this was somehow some mistake or accident.

She tucked her head into the curve of my shoulder, again not touching me. Just like I did to her.

If she wasn’t budging on even putting her lips on my neck, I knew she wasn’t going to put them anywhere else. Especially not on my lips.

“I’m sitting on your lap silly” Now I knew her innocent act was just that, an act.

“You’re doin’ a little more than just sitting.” My voice couldn't get past a raspy, restrained whisper. I was nervous of what would come out if I lost control of it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Aus.” Her tone was so taunting like she was trying to provoke a hungry caged lion. It was sending me into a frenzy as if I was starved zoo animal. She knew it too. I needed to stop her before the aching buzz in my hips took charge.

She rolled up into me again, her heat now prevalent against my length. Suddenly I could feel her lips parting around my shaft through the fabrics between us. She was so wet, enough to seep her desires through our clothes.

I attempted to shove down a groan, “Els, we can’t do this—“

I was saying one thing but my body was demanding the opposite. Every nerve ending in my body was sparking, if I wasn’t high right now, she’d already be pinned to this couch. Another reason to be grateful for my little bars.

“What, you don’t like it?” I could hear the pout in her voice, tempting me further. She moved her hips against me harder this time, as if making a point that she could feel me. “I can tell you that do Austie” She whispered in my ear, only causing me to twitch under her. “I can feel how hard you are.”

I never thought anyone could be driven to insanity by repressed seduction but my god was she going to kill me. If I couldn’t have her tonight, I would need a lobotomy to keep me from absolutely losing my fucking mind.

“We just can’t—" I still protested - don’t fucking know why.

It can’t be me, it won’t be me.

She was dishing back what I did to her. She took the power I had over her and flipped it on me. Only hers was better, I couldn’t stop her the way she did me. She might win the game after all. “I just really don’t think it’s a good idea to be doing this—“

She swiveled her hips, speeding up just slightly.

Fuck

I let out a short coarse groan, each clasp of sanity was slipping from my grasp. My hands itched to be on her, my dick begged to be in her. “Fuck, what are you doing.”

“I think you know what I’m doing.” Her quiet words dripping with liquor. “I know you want to fuck me.”

I wanted to react – groan, touch, confirm, deny – but I couldn’t.

It can’t be me. It won’t be me.

She must’ve noticed my hesitation, probably knowing exactly why. So she offered a solution.

“If we don’t touch it won’t count, it never happened” Like she was making a silent deal with me. A silent horny deal.

I knew this was gonna fuck things up, but I couldn’t stop myself, I wanted her. I needed her. There was no turning back now.

She massaged herself against my now throbbing member and let out a delicate moan into my neck, only adding to the problem. My hands finally found relief when they slid up her bare thighs, squeezing harder the further up they got. I locked eyes with her, translating my agreeance to her bargain before grasping her hips. Gripping onto them, taking control of her movements. I bore her down onto my cock causing a sharp gasp from her lips.

This was so fucking weird. We shouldn’t be doing this. I never thought we’d end up here. Dancing, touching, sleeping next to each other – those were one thing. They could be dismissed, but this – there was no coming back from this. But I couldn’t stop.

She grinded back down against me, rocking back and forth. Falling onto my shoulder, she let out small sporadic, weak whimpers.

Hiding her face further in my neck, in a needy breath, “You’re big.” Her tone suggested that she didn’t think I would be. “I think the biggest I’ve ever felt.”

A deep guttural groan escaped me from her agonizing words, my hands now firmly directing her grinding. My fingers curled into her hipbones. “I need to feel you baby.” The word surprising me. I’d never called her that before, I never pictured myself calling her that. It felt good, natural, as if that’s what I should’ve been calling her this whole time.

“We can’t. No touching.” She reminded.

“It feels a lot like we’re touching right now.” I countered.

“It’s different, there’s clothes between us.”

Right, because that makes a difference.

She sped up, desperately needing friction. I swiftly wrapped my arms around her waist drawing her even closer to duck into her neck. It was my turn.

“You like feeling what you do to me?” Quietly just under her ear, holding her firm against me denying any form of escape.

She nodded eagerly.

“You thinking about what I’d feel like inside of you?” I loved asking questions during sex, I found it quite effective at making girls fall apart. Forcing them admit their filthiest thoughts out loud always seemed to release any sort of hidden inhibitions. It was also helped to chip away at any pitiful dominance they thought they obtained.

“Mhm.” Sounding so needy, it made me want to destroy her completely. I was writhing beneath her like my cock had only ever ached for her.

“I can feel how wet you are, who made you that wet baby? ” My voice resembled a growl. She squeaked, going silent, even her body halted. “Answer the question.” My fingers digging into her hips, demanding an answer.

“You.” She muttered out weakly. Pathetically.

I steered her hips to move again. “I can’t hear you.”

She whimpered, a bit louder, “You did.”

“Hm, not good enough.” My arms moving her hips effortlessly, guiding her heat into me. “Who? Who made you so fucking wet that you've soaked through our clothes?”

She bucked forward, hiding in my neck. “You did.” Her whine much louder now, “You make me so fucking wet, Aus.”

Something about her saying my name in that tone was making me feral. She slipped up - make not made. This wasn't the first time.

She sped even more though I didn’t know if it was for her own pleasure or asking me for praise.

“That’s it, good girl.” My hands roamed free, grazing and gripping at every curve of her voluptuous body, I couldn’t fucking get enough. Thought of her actually around me, riding me was numbing my brain. I wanted to fuck her senseless. I wanted to make her cry.

Her moans quicker, weaker. Her hips moving even faster. She was driving me closer and closer to my own demise which was not something that could normally happen from just grinding. But there was so much pent up tension and she was so fucking tantalizing, forbidden, captivating. She had me in some sort of fucked up carnal trance.

“Darlin’ if you keep going like that, you’re gonna cum right in your panties.” I reminded, she only squirmed more. “Is that what you want? Or would you rather cum in my mouth?”

“Aus, I’m so close.” She begged, ignoring my question and clutching my shirt. Her movements becoming more and more erratic.

“Me too baby.” My hands slipped under her shirt feeling her body, rising up her back pulling her closer. “I want you to cum on me darlin', I want your cum on my cock.”

I gazed up at her taking in how luminous she was in that moment – desperate, needy, on the brink of her orgasm. Everything I ever wanted was right there. Every moan, every face, every word I ever imagined, playing out right in front of me. Every edge of her body, every curve of her skin, every part of herself that she hated was so fucking beautiful. Like I somehow had a literal angel in my lap. If I was a religious man I'd be thanking god right now.

My body felt as though it was filled with bees, buzzing, stinging. Any place she was touching me felt like fire. A knot built in my stomach, my own climax threatening to engulf me at any moment.

“I want you to cum with me,” She stated, movements so desperate, sloppy. “I want you to cum in your pants.”

I groaned loudly, bucking my hips up into her. I was so fucking hard, so close. But I wanted her to finish first.

She leaned down and whispered, “I want you to pretend you’re draining inside me.”

That was it, that’s what sent me over the edge. She kept rubbing against me until a string of moans and curses ribboned from her mouth as she came with me. All the buzzing feeling in my body rushed through my cock and spilled into my sweatpants under her. My cum and her juices mingled between the fabrics that divided us. The climax vibrated my entire body, blinding my vision with flashes of burning white as I was still twitching beneath her.

She went limp on my shoulder, breathing heavily in time with mine. But she wasn’t done. She kept rocking against me. “I wanna do it again.” She muttered, coiling her fist in my shirt. Reaching between us, she tugged her panties to the side before grinding her bare clit on my covered length.

“Fuck.” I grunted, this one came from deep in my chest. I never went soft.

“I’ve never done that before.” She said softly. “I wanna do it again.”

“Came? You’ve never came before?”

“Not with someone.” She breathed out.

“Els—”

“Please Austie? I need to cum again.” Her voice drenched with pathetic pleading.

Fuck

My fingers dug into her full sides as she swiveled against me again. I wished I could make her finish properly, with my cock, or even better – my mouth. God, I wanted to taste her. I needed to savor her. “Let me taste you baby. Let me make you cum with my mouth.” Every time I said that word it was followed by a wash of warmth – now that I said it, I didn’t want to stop.

“We – We can’t.” She stuttered as if she was forgetting why we even had this stupid rule.

“I won’t be inside you. It won’t count.” We were just making up stipulations at this point.

She pulled off and laid on the couch facing me. Her cheeks tinted pink, brown curls tussled, eyes both excited and embarrassed. My eyes trailed her hand as it slithered down between her spreading thighs. Slipping a hand under her panties and began rubbing herself with two fingers.

Fuck. I was rock hard again.

“No touching.” She breathed out in a weak try at a command. I think she meant that I could just watch, but I wasn’t letting that happen.

I leaned down, peppering kisses up her plump thighs. If she didn’t want to kiss me, doesn't mean I didn’t. Just because she didn’t want to use her mouth on me, doesn’t mean I didn’t want to use mine. She stilled and observed me, not stopping me this time. When I reached her core, I pulled her fingers from herself and sucked them clean. She looked at me in complete awe. I hooked a finger around the soaked panties and tugged them to the side. Dipping my head between her legs, I slid my tongue up her slit.

A loud gasp, “Aus!”

I moved my tongue flat, spreading her more. Then, rolled against her swollen nub.

“Fuck.” A hand shoving into my hair tugging slightly. Her reaction suggested she’d never had someone eat her out. At least not well.

I moved my tongue deliberately against her heat, circling her sensitivity.

“God – fuckin – jesus.” She mumbled.

I slipped two fingers into her, curling up into her sweet spot. A shriek came from her mouth. Had she never had someone touch that before either?

That made me want to give her everything, make her feel everything. I wanted to make her cum over and over in every way possible. I wanted every orgasm to be because of me. Whether I was touching her or not. Whether I was with her or not. I wanted any inkling of pleasure that ever trickled between her thighs to be because of me. If she was going to stay with Nox, I wanted her to remember that her ‘best friend’ fucks her better. And she hadn’t even had my cock inside her.

Rolling moans came from her mouth as my tongue and fingers moved rhythmically together. I ate her like I had lived on crumbs my whole life.

“Aus I’m so close- fuck.” She gripped my hair.

“Fuck fuck, I’m gonna come.” She let out loud moans as she climaxed. Her legs clamped around my head, but I forced them open, her walls contracting around my fingers.

I wanted more.

The fingers kept rolling into her spot, my tongue gentle on her sensitive bundle. Gasps flowed out of her, her eyes wide as saucers, her mouth agape. She was so deprived, falling apart at anything I did, so hungry and desperate.

“Oh – Oh, fuck.” She tugged at my hair again, letting out another moan. This time even louder.

I lifted just for a second, "You taste so fucking good baby." Then my tongue going back to work, gentle and delicate not wanting to overstimulate her. Working just enough to entice her climax once more.

“Fuck fuck fuck Austin!” She screamed. Screamed. Barely decipherable curses, moans, shrieks followed, my name interrupting each one. Her back arching sharply away from the sofa and releasing once again on my fingers. I continued my movements inside her to ride out her last high. Finally when her moans calmed and she squirmed wildly, I slid my fingers out of her then licked them clean. She was breathless and disheveled in front of me.

Not only had I made her orgasm for the first time, I made it happen three times in a row. And I didn’t even fuck her.

Dragging the back of my hand across my mouth, wiping her juices off me. I fell next to her, my body returning to its extension of the couch. It was then when the high bobbed back into me. Everything was slow and heavy again.

She stayed still next to me in the same position I left her - legs spread, her own cum dripping down onto the shirt. She looked an absolute disaster, but like a fuckin' dream to me.

Am I dreaming? Did that really just happen?

No fucking way, I must’ve been dreaming. I must’ve passed out.

I couldn’t look at her. It would start me up all over again, and I could barely move.

She closed her legs beside me and retracted backwards, pulling her knees into her chest. She wrapped her arms around them and rested her chin on her knees. She wanted to say something, I could feel it.

What would she say in my dream?

“Um- I um- thank you.” She croaked out, her voice raspy from the sinful noises she’d made just minutes ago.

My weighted eyelids slowly blinked at the ceiling, “Mhm.”

If I wasn’t so high, I would’ve said something else. But I was grateful that I couldn’t.

Next Chapter: 16 - When The Night Ends

disclaimer: i haven't written smut in a long time so i apologize if i'm a bit rusty - i hope you enjoyed regardless

thanks for all the love on forever winter - i appreciate every like, reblog and comment, they mean the world to me xx

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