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generation1point5 · 1 month

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After life, death. After death, life again. After the world, the pale. After the pale, the world again!

Persona 3 embodies the existential crisis; the nihilist and the absurd in equal measure. Among JRPGs, it has probably one of the more unique and thought-provoking stories that I have come away with. More than a generic story of high-schoolers-use-the-power-of-friendship-to-kill-god, Persona 3 pursues a nuanced and powerful story of everyday students coming to terms with their own mortality, and standing against it even as they recognize the ultimate futility in the act. The game's original tagline featured in the intro, Memento Mori, is perfectly suited for encompassing the themes and character directions of all its diverse cast of characters. Despite its more fantastical elements, Persona 3 is rooted in the everyday things; the trifles, the frail and the human, the fallible and the fragile. More than just exploring trauma that must be healed, Persona 3 reminds players that life is indeed terminal, and explores many of the ways in which people react to this fact.

I admire the ambition of this game to cover an immense and difficult topic, even as I think it falls flat in its exploration in some regards.

There is a strong sense of FOMO in Persona 3; this was an impression that was even more heightened for me, having checked it out late into my 3-month PC game pass as a bonus for overhauling my graphics card. I had about a month to see how a year of one's life can change oneself and all one's surroundings. From what little I had gleaned from the game through osmosis of other friends who had played in the past and the guidance of present friends who helped me optimize my blind run, I tried to experience as much as the game that I could before the opportunity was lost to me.

If I had only a year to live, I think I wouldn't act so differently.

The sense of fear of potential loss is all-pervasive. There is a drive to make the most of each day, to tie every loose end and take everything into account before the end. It drove me to optimize each and every day; I wanted to know what I had to do, all the things to say, to get the optimal outcome. Sometimes I wonder if I was playing the game to enjoy it as I normally would or if I was playing to satisfy my desires within the constraints of the game's framework.

The first instance of dissonance that I felt (and actively pursued) was to suck up to all of the social links and to maximize my social stats in the game as quickly as possible. Despite my best efforts, I was unable to maximize all of them by the end of the game, though I had come close enough to be satisfied with the result. There were a few points where I had begun to relate to the characters in the social links as "people," but far more often I had seen the 1s and 0s behind them; I reloaded my saves to say the "right" things to them, regardless of whether I had agreed with the dialogue or not. At a fundamental level, the relationship is transactional. I get to see the music notes, the ranking goes up, and I get my dose of serotonin and my in-game benefits when fusing personas. If there was any meaning that I could derive from the social links, it was in the tangible ways people could benefit me, that I might bring about a more optimal result for the good of all. It was utilitarian at heart, and that is perhaps one of the constraints of a traditional JRPG that runs up against the themes that the game attempts to explore regarding the vital importance of relationships.

Or perhaps, if all else fails, one can simply see the usefulness of finding the people who give you what you need to survive. In many ways, Jin embodies this dynamic in what he sees in Takaya. There was nothing inherently unique in what Takaya said or did for Jin; only that he was positioned at the right place at the right time to answer Jin's crisis of being, and so gave him purpose. On a material level, there is nothing terribly distinct to separate Jin's fanaticism with that of the cult that Strega attempts to construct to usher the Fall, only that it revolved around a person, as fallible as the dogma which was spouted from his lips.

Where many of the villains feel underwritten or at times shallow, the teammates that comprise the party are extremely well-written and thought out. They have much greater freedom of being able to be related with a degree of sincerity that I did not enjoy with the other social links. They also had the most screentime, and the most development as a result. Each struggle with death and loss each their own way, some that bear the scars of past trauma and others that go through it in the game's events. Each one comes out of their trials with a resolve to live as driven by the legacies of those who entrusted to them their hopes and dreams. This animus is as inspirational as it is weighty, wretched as much as it is powerful.

Like many shounens, there's a pervasive theme within Persona 3 to take on or to dismantle the will and the legacy of one's forebears to shape the future. In P3's case, this idea is reframed into the idea of adopting or dismantling the will of one's forebears for the sake of the future, the future's very existence being at stake. At the heart of Persona 3's conflict, there is a struggle between the is a will to live and a will to despair in the face of death.

While I appreciated the depiction of the struggle itself as it played out among various characters, I had come away with a distinct feeling of disappointment with the hints of underpinnings of what my friend @h-worksrambles aptly calls "the death drive," that sense and near-compulsive force within people to find the effort of life no longer worth sustaining. Where Persona 3 pursues philosophical underpinnings to the question, questions for which there are no answer, I had hoped instead for a more material analysis, as it is more practical and immediately relevant.

Perhaps the strongest point of Persona 3's writing for me is its unflinching depiction of what is colloquially known as "the sins of the fathers." The legacy of the powerful Kirijo Group, with its immense amounts of capital and influence, seek a means to forge a utopia from their research into the Shadows. Somewhere along this line, their seemingly noble goal becomes enraptured in an all-encompassing desire to die, the despair defining their success in achieving the impossible. Even after the dissolution of the Kirijo Group's initial efforts, this depraved vision was carried on by Strega, with immediate consequences also trying deeply to all the protagonists in the game in some shape or form. Moreover, the shadow of Kirijo Group's original efforts to bring about an apocalypse begins to manifest in the form of Apathy Syndrome, whose gradual effects on the populace create a great strain on the local community.

You can't get much thinner of a veil for the chronic depression stemming from Japanese socioeconomic conditions than that. The setting of Persona 3 also highlights the almost absurd pressure being placed on people far too young to be considering topics like their own mortality and the end of the world, its conditions wrought by the animus of their forebears; if the cast of Persona 3 is meant to be an allegory of the difficulties facing the youth that are far outnumbered by an aging and rapidly stagnating Japanese economy, then the analogy is as subtle as a sledgehammer. Outside of a fictionalized setting, the stakes are almost comical, if not incredibly bleak.

Yet in the middle of all this is also a story of a war machine that learns what it means to be human, to find meaning in the face of ones inability to fulfill their own function. Although explored in many other ways through both main and side characters, Aigis most explicitly embodies the human experience through self-discovery, throuh self-actualization. Over the events of the game and in the face of being given an impossible objective, she finds the drive to find and create meaning in the face of destruction of the old, that which was in-built and inherited. In a stroke of irony, the thing she comes to desire when she cannot achieve her inherited design slips from her fingers. The one she swears to protect dies in her arms.

I am of many minds about the ultimate conclusion of Persona 3. On one hand, I balk at the sense of futility; on the other, a brutal recognition of memento mori. This is likely intentional, as it strikes to the heart of the existential themes presented in the game. A common refrain in the face of existential recognitions of mortality is to create meaning in one's life, but to my mind this speaks more to the human need for a coping mechanism as an everyday fact of life. The meaning of life as a concept thus becomes a byproduct of higher intelligence, a necessary component for the drive to continue living, rather than a genuine, sincere question in search of a true, material answer. There is nothing in my mind that conclusively proved that SEES reaction to the same existential crisis held any greater claim to the truth than Strega's, only that they proved to be more powerful in the end. The debate was fundamentally an axiomatic one; the conclusion was fought out through expressions of power: that speaks more to the realms of politics than it does philosophy. But then, politics has always been more of a driving force in the world than any philosopher.

Where Persona 3 offers a strong and nuanced explorations of the human psyche in the face of an all-encompassing mortality, I come away with a desire to see how a change in people's material conditions, and with it a fundamental change in our organization of the economy, could in fact produce a much more cohesive and greater view of life beyond the individuals that comprise the stories in the broader tapestry. The values of empathy and persistence in the face of futility espouse in Persona 3 offer a good foundation; but beyond the foundation there is a structure that enshrines and solidifies these values remains to be built if the future of humanity will be realized. Beyond psychology and the persona, there must also be good politics and policy.

#persona 3 reload

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girlfriendsofthegalaxy · 1 year

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saturday again no problem (a tuesdaypost retrospective)

sort of mixed feelings about this one bc, as we have previously chatted about, the august 2021-august 2022 period was one of the worst twelve-month periods of my life.

however! this year brought like six new tuesdaypost initiatives from other people (please shout at me in the comments or by DM bc my brain is broken and i don't remember all of you) and i DO want to take a look back at some media i enjoyed.

the normal format + some misc. stats below

listening

here are all the tuesdaysongs plus Permanent Peace by Jack de Quidt, who is not on spo/tify. this year gave me albums by: joywave, alt-j, unloved, scene queen, new doja cat, a bunch of junie and the hutfriends singles, and the gleeful insanity of the mcr tour. VERY good musical year imo

reading

this historically has been one of the more fallow categories, bc there is a level of background pain where it is quite difficult for me to read and viddy gaem is a better distraction.

could have sworn i read three cowboy novelizations this year but i can only find evidence that i read the sabata and red river novelizations. i have mixed feelings about the execution of Tom Lin's The Thousand Crimes of Ming Tsu and Silvia Moreno-Garcia's Gods of Jade and Shadow but do not regret reading either.

no particular comics or manga stand out in my fallible, forgettable brain this year. i am excited for the ongoing light novel and manga adaptation of Otherside Picnic but that's just from watching the anime

watching

happy that letterboxd is doing part of the thing i wanted (getting me to watch more movies) deeply annoyed i have fallen into the trap i was afraid of. this trap is: I Want To Make The Number Go Up and am now reluctant to watch tv bc i can't log it on letterboxd and it doesn't "count". fucking hate to gamify my own leisure like this!!!!

the very good thing about letterboxd is that my friends have excellent taste, and letterboxd reminds me which of the eight billion django knockoffs i have and have not seen.

GOD was january a good movie month. the below screenshot is movies i watched for the first time this year and really liked/have stuck in my head in some way, and 3/8ths were from january. thank u library streaming service kanopy

see letterboxd has taken such a big chunk of my Moving Images time that it was hard to remember that both peaky blinders and killing eve ended this year!!! and i rewatched several seasons of adventure time! and most of the first season of DS9! and i am now in the process of watching the vampire interview show with my sister!!!

playing

got a handmedown switch!

this year was mostly big open worlds that didn't require a lot of complex thought from me, or if they did require some puzzle solving it was in really short bursts. lion's share of the hours this year went to fallout 4, breath of the wild, and pokemon scarlet. i really loved junk shop telescope, depanneur nocturne, and card cowboy.

honorary mentions to phone games that kept my anxiety to a low simmer while in a lot of doctor's offices.

game im most hype for is probably the spooky fishing game Dredge, but i don’t think we’ll get that until early 2024. if anyone says the words "fallout 5" next year i will lose my mind bc i would like another one of these stupid motherfuckers before i die.

making

i think i'm going to mourn the old lair until i die.

i am deeply, deeply unhappy with how this year went both personally and professionally. made an apartment cozy. lost the cozy apartment. cleaned a whole bunch of metal. framed a lot of things. bought a whole bunch of furniture. still have moths.

hate to leave this post on this note however i really should have died twice this year and didn’t. so im trying to be nice to myself about the rest of it.

bonus stats

47/52 weeks posted

moves: 1 (assisted with two)

recipes failed: many

postcards sent: many

number of 1040s i will receive next month: 4

overnight trips: 2

day trips: 3

covid: +1

serious covid scares: 9

combined hospital and doctor's visits: don't worry about it

number of lamps: also don't worry about it what are you a cop

cats: +1

#tuesdaypost meta #tuesday again

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absurdthirst · 2 years

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I saw that post you reblogged about how interactions with fics is down and how it affects content creators on here whether it be fic, art or gifsets and I have to admit I’m one of those guilty parties where I will like it all and mean to go back later and reblog it and tag it but I never do (I’ve even done it on your masterlist 😭) I will say though that post has made me want to do better and work on actively reblogging things from all the creators I see on my dash and ones I follow

I think everyone is guilty of it at some point. Everyone is human and fallible, can forget something they meant to do.

I just know that for me, I do see it a lot, even though I’m a “big creator”. And if it’s a pattern I see, I can only imagine what others are seeing.

Just the other day I had a person comment, not reblog, demanding a follow up to a story. Then when I didn’t comment back or produce said story, came into my inbox with - ‘you wrote that, so now write this’ - basically demanding I write something. It just amazed me.

I write because I want to write and I often try to ignore the stats on a story because I don’t want to try to tie likes/reblogs to my own self accomplishment. But again, we are not machines to churn out stories for others entertainment with no recognition. That incident made me feel that way.

I’ve started getting in the habit of going ahead and reblogging with #to read so even if I forget to go back and read it for a few days, hopefully others are.

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ellingtoncates14 · 2 years

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#TD500 Mesh cabinet price in India

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mirkwoodest · 3 years

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idk it's kind of interesting to me that a post that began as a musing on how much modern medicine has changed our lives and how fallible our frail little bodies actually are has turned into so many people insisting that they would have died horrible violent deaths by unnatural causes. Like I'm not saying people weren't killed, obviously, but I think people are really overestimating the commonality of medieval murder. Like people still lived in communities and loved each other and took care of each other just like all people do in every single culture and every period of history. Although being mentally ill, gay, trans, red-haired, autistic, or whatever may have made your life more dangerous, I don't think it was a one-way ticket to death for everyone, or even most people. Especially when I look at the tags and see how many of us wouod have died as babies and children and young mothers just because shit like pneumonia and allergies and childbirth, I don't think people were quite as ready to kill off members of their own families like you imagine. I don't have like... stats to support this, just the love in my heart.

#esp in medieval christian europe abandoning infants and children wasn't so common #moreso in pagan scandinavia #the changeling child infant abandonment in christian europe seemed to be most common with children with disabilities that #made it impossible or extremely unlikely to survive #the changeling myth here probably had more to do with comforting parents and giving them an alternative to watching their baby die slowly #:/#i've just been reading a lot about infant exposure specifically lately #history #medieval #medieval cod discourse

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justalittlebluetiefling · 3 years

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The Mighty Nein & Names: Episodes 1 - 100

This project started, because I wanted to rewatch campaign two during quarantine, but I needed a project so I wouldn’t be so easily distracted. Huge thanks to @ofsinnersandsaints for suggesting this. I’ve had a blast putting this together.

Below the cut, you’ll find some super fun statistics and graphs showing you the amount of times the Mighty Nein says each other’s names in conversation. This is divided up with some general stats and then a deep dive into each character. I may do a separate post that is more meta-oriented regarding these numbers later.

I have tentative plans to continue this project (especially since I’m planning another rewatch) for the rest of the episodes. But! We’ll see how that goes.

A few disclaimers:

This count only includes the times they say each other’s names in conversation. It does not include times that they provide “stage directions” using each other’s names (or similar occurences).

I wish I could claim 100% accuracy, but I won’t. I tried my best. Things like cross-talk and being fallible contribute to me only claiming a 98% accuracy rate.

This doesn’t not include Guest PCs. I needed to keep this simple.

The below stats do not include the ‘Caleb’ count from episode 75 when Liam was absent. I’ll go into further details in his section.

Veth and Nott’s statistics are, for the most part, combined. I do have the counts separated, but combined them for the overall data.

In an effort to make this a little more accessible, I will be typing the stats out underneath the graphs and charts when it’s possible. A few of these graphs unfortunately include too much data to easily type out, but I will try to figure something out.

I am not entirely pleased with how the graphs/charts look, but short of setting this up as a powerpoint presentation and posting a link to said presentation… this is what I’ve got for you right now.

If there is anything else anyone is curious about anything for the first 100 episodes (stats for a specific episode, more in-depth character question, etc.), feel free to shoot me an ask and I can pull up a little report for you.

Okay! Let’s just get started!

Overall Statistics

The Mighty Nein have said each other’s names 5161 times.

In a turn of events that should surprise no one, Jester says the most names at 1411 names. No one is close to catching up.

There are an average of 52 names said per episode.

The most names (110) are said in episode 76: Refjorged.

The least names (15) are said in episode 40: Dubious Pursuits.

The total number of names each PC has said.

Jester: 1411. Veth: 965. Fjord: 929. Beau: 843. Caleb: 651. Yasha: 143. Caduceus: 142. Mollymauk: 77.

The total number of times a PC’s name is said

Caleb: 895. Fjord: 888. Veth: 811. Jester: 773. Yasha: 563. Beau: 520. Caduceus: 485. Mollymauk: 226.

The name each PC says the most

Fjord says Jester 277 times. Beau says Jester 170 times. Caleb says Veth 184 times. Veth says Caleb 278 times. Jester says Fjord 367 times. Yasha says Jester 39 times. Caduceus says Fjord 44 times. Mollymauk says both Beau 19 times.

The person who says each PC’s name the most

Fjord is said by Jester 367 times. Beau is said by Jester 174 times. Caleb is said by Jester 296 times. Veth is said by Jester 251 times. Jester is said by Fjord 277 times. Yasha is said by Jester 183 times. Caduceus is said by Beau 136 times. Mollymauk is said by both Fjord and Beau 60 times.

Individual Character Statistics

Alright. I’m sure I won’t cover everything I’ve meant to in here. I was going to give you a short breakdown of what to expect, but I said the word ‘chart’ too many times. Suffice to say, there will be charts and graphs, etc. Let’s just get into it.

Fjord

Episodes present: 95

Total names said: 929

Average names per episode: 9.78

Most names said: 43 / Episode 11

Least names said: 1 / Episode 65

Name use over time

Total number of times he’s said a PC’s name in conversation

Beau: 93. Caleb: 143. Veth: 180. Jester: 277. Mollymauk: 60. Caduceus: 87. Yasha: 89.

Beau: 10 percent. Caleb: 15 percent. Veth: 19 percent. Jester: 30 percent. Mollymauk: 7 percent. Caduceus: 9 percent. Yasha: 10 percent.

Number of episodes he’s said each PC’s name

Beau: 49. Caleb: 61. Veth: 70. Jester: 85. Mollymauk: 22. Caduceus: 45. Yasha: 45

Beauregard Lionett

Episodes present: 100

Total names said: 843

Average names per episode: 8.43

Most names said: 24 / Episode 30

Least names said: 0 / Episode 5

Name Use Over Time

Total number of times she’s said a PC’s name in conversation

Fjord: 129. Caleb: 118. Veth: 127. Jester: 170. Mollymauk: 60. Caduceus: 136. Yasha: 103.

Fjord: 16 percent. Caleb: 14 percent. Veth: 15 percent. Jester: 20 percent. Mollymauk: 7 percent. Caduceus: 16 percent. Yasha: 12 percent.

Number of episodes she’s said each PC’s name

Fjord: 64. Caleb: 58. Veth: 61. Jester: 77. Mollymauk: 31. Caduceus: 57. Yasha: 53.

Caleb Widogast

Episodes present: 99

Total names said: 651

Average names per episode: 6.58

Most names said: 22 / Episode 76

Least names said: 0 / Episode 8, 51, 86, 87

Name Use Over Time

Total number of times he’s said a PC’s name in conversation

Fjord: 121. Beau: 86. Veth: 184. Jester: 125. Mollymauk: 27. Caduceus: 70. Yasha: 38

Fjord: 19 percent. Beau: 13 percent. Veth: 28 percent. Jester: 19 percent. Mollymauk: 4 percent. Caduceus: 11 percent. Yasha: 6 percent.

Number of episodes he’s said each PC’s name

Fjord: 65. Beau: 48. Veth: 68. Jester: 62. Mollymauk: 16. Caduceus: 38. Yasha: 24

Episode 75 Stuff

I decided to exclude the times Caleb’s name was said in episode 75. This was a hard decision, because I haven’t excluded names the other few times a player was absent. Most of the times ‘Caleb’ was said was meant to tease Marisha or remind Marisha of a spell Caleb might use in that instant.

For posterity’s sake, Caleb’s name was said 15 times in Episode 75. I think that one of the Fjord ones and the Caduceus one may have been genuine, but it got very hard to tell when they were teasing Marisha and when they weren’t.

Nott the Brave / Veth Brenatto

Episodes present: 100

Total names said: 965

Average names per episode: 9.65

Most names said: 33 / Episode 76

Least names said: 1 / Episode 43, Episode 86

Name Use Over Time

Total number of times she’s said a PC’s name in conversation

Fjord: 194. Beau: 110. Caleb: 278. Jester: 145. Mollymauk: 26. Caduceus: 89. Yasha: 123.

Fjord: 20 percent. Beau: 11 percent. Caleb: 29 percent. Jester: 15 percent. Mollymauk: 3 percent. Caduceus: 9 percent. Yasha: 13 percent.

Number of episodes she’s said each PC’s name

Fjord: 75. Beau: 52. Caleb: 83. Jester: 66. Mollymauk: 14. Caduceus: 38. Yasha: 58.

Jester Lavorre

Episodes present: 92

Total names said: 1411

Average names per episode: 15.34

Most names said: 39 / Episode 89

Least names said: 3 / Episode 6

Name Use Over Time

Total number of times she’s said a PC’s name in conversation

Fjord: 367. Beau: 174. Caleb: 296. Veth: 251. Mollymauk: 43. Caduceus: 97. Yasha: 183.

Fjord: 26 percent. Beau: 12 percent. Caleb: 21 percent. Veth: 18 percent. Mollymauk: 3 percent. Caduceus: 7 percent. Yasha: 13 percent.

Number of episodes she’s said each PC’s name

Fjord: 86. Beau: 71. Caleb: 81. Veth: 79. Mollymauk: 20. Caduceus: 46. Yasha: 64.

Mollymauk Tealeaf

Episodes present: 26

Total names said: 77

Average names per episode: 2.96

Most names said: 10 / Episode 25

Least names said: 0 / Episodes 3, 4, 5, 8, and 12

Name Use Over Time

Total number of times he’s said a PC’s name in conversation

Fjord: 9. Beau: 19. Caleb: 13. Veth: 18. Jester: 3. Yasha: 15

Fjord: 12 percent. Beau: 25 percent. Caleb: 17 percent. Veth: 23 percent. Jester: 4 percent. Yasha: 19 percent.

Number of episodes he’s said each PC’s name

Fjord: 8. Beau: 10. Caleb: 8. Veth: 11. Jester: 3. Yasha: 9.

Caduceus Clay

Episodes present: 72

Total names said: 142

Average names per episode: 1.97

Most names said: 6 / Episodes 80, 84, 96

Least names said: 0 / (hold onto your hats) Episodes 28, 29, 31, 33, 34, 35, 37, 43, 45, 55, 56, 65, 69, 79, 86, 87, 91, 93

Name Use Over Time

Total number of times she’s said a PC’s name in conversation

Fjord: 44. Beau: 21. Caleb: 32. Veth: 19. Jester: 14. Yasha: 12.

Fjord: 31 percent. Beau: 15 percent. Caleb: 23 percent. Veth: 13 percent. Jester: 10 percent. Yasha: 8 percent.

Number of episodes he’s said each PC’s name

Fjord: 26. Beau: 16. Caleb: 24. Veth: 15. Jester: 11. Yasha: 10.

Yasha Nydoorin

Episodes present: 45

Total names said: 143

Average names per episode: 3.18

Most names said: 7 / Episode 62, 66, 68

Least names said: 0 / Episode 59, 61, 93

Name Use Over Time

Total number of times she’s said a PC’s name in conversation

Fjord: 24. Beau: 17. Caleb: 15. Veth: 32. Jester: 39. Mollymauk: 10. Caduceus: 6

Fjord: 17 percent. Beau: 12 percent. Caleb: 11 percent. Veth: 22 percent. Jester: 27 percent. Mollymauk: 7 percent. Caduceus: 4 percent.

Number of episodes he’s said each PC’s name

Fjord: 18. Beau: 12. Caleb: 13. Veth: 22. Jester: 24. Mollymauk: 8. Caduceus: 6.

Conclusion

And that’s it for the basics! Again, if anyone wants anything specific about character interactions or is curious about a specific episode, let me know.

Not gonna lie, I was a little nervous to put this out, because I’m worried that I somehow got all the numbers wrong. But regardless, I like playing with excel sheets, so this was fun.

#critical role #the mighty nein #fjord #beauregard lionett #caleb widogast #veth brenatto #nott the brave #jester lavorre #mollymauk tealeaf #caduceus clay #mighty nein names #listen if i've spelled anything wrong don't tell me #i didn't spellcheck this

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eagledreaming · 2 years

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As a master, Wunna of course has the ability to gauge servant ability from a glance at them. Even in Chaldea he still has this ability, as it’s a bit innate to being a master after all. Although he only mostly uses it to figure out a course of action on the fly before the Chaldea Systems can scan the servant in question.

His servant inspection ability takes the form of visions of a swirling rainbow energy around the servant, each a different colour representing that their statistics. Red for Strength, Green for Agility, Yellow for Endurance, Blue for Mana, and Purple for Luck. The more prominent a colour is the higher ranked it is compared to the other colours. So if Red was the most prominent colour, he could gauge that it is maybe at least B ranked or higher.

This is a bit of a fallible method however, as he is trying to figure out the stats based on the prominence of a colour. This means if something is more equal in power between it’s parameters, that means all he knows is they are an all rounder. As well as prominence not so much meaning that it’s high ranked, only higher ranked. For all he knows a prominent Blue colour could be C ranked while the rest are E ranked stats.

#;Taken to the Sky || OOC #;Lore of the Eagle || Headcanons

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jedi-order-apologist · 4 years

Note

Obi Wan for the character ask meme! 💓 i love this blog

Thank you :)

How I feel about this character

I don’t think I’ve made any secret of it, but Obi-Wan is absolutely my favorite character in all of Star Wars. He is such an inspiring character, someone who loves so deeply and suffers and loses so much, but never gives into bitterness or despair over it - he keeps going, commits himself to a new purpose, keeps strong to his faith. He is disciplined and clever and charming and resilient and just so good. He’s always striving to do the right thing, to live by the values of his people whom he loves so much, to uphold his duty even when it is so, so difficult and the universe seems to ask the impossible of him.

And I love him even more because he’s such a reserved character, who isn’t made to seem unfriendly or unkind or cold or weird for it, that it’s just part of who he is.

And he’s such a fun character, too - taking “flirting with death” entirely too literally, insisting on being ‘civilized’ but also being far more comfortable in sketchy bars than in high-society and befriending almost exclusively people crazier than himself, being sarcastic or cracking jokes at entirely inappropriate times, and occasionally jumping out windows. Obi-Wan really dumped all his stats into Charisma and Constitution and somehow made it work.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I like Obitine as it is in canon, where they both prioritize other aspects of their life. I also mentioned in previous asks that I have a soft spot for him and Bail, and that while I prefer it as a BrOTP I can appreciate him and Anakin too.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Him and Anakin, definitely. Also him and Padmé, even though we don’t see that much and I’m pretty sure their friendship mostly consists of alternating between lovingly making fun of and praising Anakin. Him and Luke, of course.

My unpopular opinion about this character

That he’s not a dysfunctional repressed mess. I know a lot of people like that characterization...but I just don’t see that. He shows emotion just fine, just in reserved ways, and I don’t see how he could’ve gotten through all the stuff he goes through, especially the genocide of his entire culture, without having a strong and stable mental/emotional foundation.

Of course he struggles, of course he has temptations, of course he’s fallible and makes mistakes or falls short - but to me a large part of the appeal of his character is that he overcomes these things. That he’s an example of fortitude to look to, a role-model in how to approach life. That he shows the appropriate way to handle things, that he keeps going, that he faces temptation and rejects it, that he has the strength to do that, to refuse to give into the dark side and all it entails - not that he locks it all down and never works through it. That’s just not consistent with how I see his character or what his character is meant to be - again, a role-model and a mentor.

That’s also the reason I’m not really interested in Sith/Dark Obi-Wan AUs, beyond the base sensual appeal of the fanart, because it takes away from the most appealing and admirable aspects of his character for me personally, which is his resilience to resist all that in spite of everything he goes through. (Also because hasn’t he suffered enough? The dark side would only make him miserable on top of all of that he’s gone through).

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I really would’ve liked to see more of him interacting with Padmé - we know they’re supposed to be friends (and I want to watch them make fun of Anakin), Ahsoka - she’s his padawan too, and the men under his command - honestly sometimes it seems like he interacts more with Anakin’s men than his own.

#ask meme questions #thanks #obi-wan kenobi #Anonymous

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turqrambles · 4 years

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The Five Worst Things About Digimon World

I did it.

It took 20 years but I did it.

I finally beat Digimon World for the Playstation 1, a game that has haunted me for most of my lifetime, and I did it with a Phoenixmon, the reason why I use “Turquoisephoenix” as a handle!

This is who I used to beat the game, named after an obscure Ratchet and Clank character because that’s just how I roll. The final boss battle involved a lot of Prominence Beam spamming and med recovery floppy spamming but I did it fair and square.

Before I get into what I thought about this game as a whole - and I do have a lot of good things to say about this game since I obviously enjoyed it enough to get to the end - I gotta talk about my least favorite things about this game. In a concise, Buzzfeed-esque list because I like writing things in easy to digest chunks.

Because, like most charming yet difficult games of the late 90′s, this game is very flawed and the flaws are pretty annoying!

1. Care Mistakes

The three emojis - Smile, Cool, and Poop.

Okay. This one - my least favorite part in the game - is going to take a bit of explanation.

First off, I don’t actually hate care mistakes existing as a mechanic. I think it’s a cute, virtual pet-y way to add a different wrinkle to evolution requirements, even if I think it’s a bit counter-intuitive to have to suddenly abuse my little companion once they reach Champion just because I want them to evolve into a floating metallic ball with a chainsaw.

My problem with care mistakes is that there’s literally no way of telling many care mistakes you have on your given Digimon.

Literally everything else in this game is concisely recorded and easily displayed on your Digimon’s stats screen. You can see how much your Digimon weighs. You can see their Happiness, their Discipline. How much Life they have left. Their Age. Even how many poops they need to make before they digivolve into a sentient pile of feces.

But Care Mistakes? Naaaaw, you just gotta remember every single thing that you did to your Digimon from the moment it evolves in your fallible human brain. What’s that? A good portion of this game involves grinding in the Green Gym and it’s really easy to make a Care Mistake there without knowing you did so because you mashed A too fast like the stat-grinding numskull that you are? Well, that’s just too fucking bad for you, then! Enjoy not getting some of the best evolutions, you piece of shit. You stooge. You moron!

This game, multiple times: You know who I hate? The player.

Care Mistakes are such an invisible mechanic that, to this day, there are many guides with misleading info about what counts as a Care Mistake and what doesn’t, which...really stinks for a game such as this where you will be using a guide pretty extensively to get the Digimon you deserve. And you know why that is? Because we don’t get any indication as to whether or not some random event counts against you when raising your Digimon.

And honestly, having one of your main mechanics of the game being entirely invisible to the player is a terrible idea. Just put a little number in my profile that says “Care Mistakes: 0″ in there. Let me know this information without guessing.

2. The Glitches

Pictured: Something that will CRASH YOUR GAME if you try it on a physical copy.

Let me start with a disclaimer that most of the glitches I’m going to complain about were added into the game when Digimon World was localized and therefore aren’t the original intent of the developers. There are certain versions of Digimon World that are more stable than others (The English PAL version is the best version to play because of this) and, if you play this game via “certain methods”, there are patches to circumvent some of the bigger problems.

That being said! Boy! Isn’t it ironic that a game where I’m exploring the digital world is plagued with so many annoying, game-ruining glitches? Especially if I’m playing this game on a physical 20-year old copy like a dunce?

“Ohhhh...so Agumon thinks that they can block the Digimon game with their big fat Digimon-blocking head, do they?!”

The NTSC version of this game has a jukebox that will crash the game if you try to use it, keeping you from ever using a bonus feature meant to be a fun little reward for completing a certain dungeon, but that’s not as heinous as the Spanish, French, German, and Italian PAL versions of this game locking a good portion of the game to players because they forgot to make the Agumon in front of Ogremon’s Fortress an object you can interact with.

So that means, if you happened to get this game in one of four lucky countries, you can’t complete the Ogremon mission, you can’t recruit Whamon, you can’t recruit Shellmon, you can’t recruit anything tied to Shellmon’s bulletin board (which means no Vademon or Skullgreymon), and you can’t go to Factorial Town and recruit Giromon, Andromon, or Numemon. Ogremon is a key part of the Digimon World storyline and causes so many different things in the game to change, meaning that it should’ve been imperative to make sure this part of the game works!

But no. Instead this one little bastard Agumon keeps most players from finishing the game, because it starves players of those PAL regions of a bunch of Prosperity points, the main source of progression in this game. That means that Mt. Infinity and the final boss is just that much harder to unlock. It’s doable, but it’s more grueling process.

This really is a problem with the translators and really highlights a lack of general care with testing this game. Why this game was allowed to be shipped with such glaring bugs is anyone’s guess, especially in an era where you couldn’t release any patches over the Internet to fix retail versions.

3. The Monochromon’s Shop Minigame

Ohhhh....this one was so close to getting the top spot. When I first wrote this draft, this was the top spot.

Monochromon was only spared of my true ire on account of the fact that it really only exists for one part of the game (rather than being a constant problem like the Care Mistakes and the Glitches are) and you can easily cheese it by sleeping in front of the store so that you can save scum your way to victory. Like a true Digital Champion!

At one point in the game, you gotta help a entrepreneur dinosaur rhino man make a profit, because he was stupid and put his convenience store in the middle of a giant canyon next to a gaping chasm. So you play a little game of haggling, where you try to ruthlessly oversell a bunch of random items to customers until you make enough of a profit that this talking dinosaur tells you that you passed his secret test of character, abandons his store, and moves into File City.

There’s just one problem with this minigame - everything is decided by RNG.

“Get the hell out of my shop”

This minigame hates you. It wants nothing but to see you fail and to waste your time. The difference in profit margins of the three items (Meat sells for 50g, Portable Potties sell for 300g, and Medicine sells for 1000g) are so stark that, if you get too many customers asking for Meat, you might as well just reset the game and start over because it will be literally impossible to meet the requirement even if you busted the customer’s proverbial balls and squeezed every last bit out of their cutesy penguin faces.

Oh! It’s also RNG as to whether or not your customers will take your asking price or storm out of the store without buying anything!

It’s all the fun of working at retail! In a video game!

4. Three on One Battles

What you see before you is a battle system that is really fun when it’s one vs. one, manageable at two vs. one, and downright unbearable at three vs. one.

The battle system works for the most part. You don’t have full control of your Digimon (and yes, you only have one Digimon with you at one time, so you can never stack the numbers in your favor) so you shout commands at it, commands that the Digimon’s AI are pretty good at following, and hope for the best as you chuck healing items at it.

It’s not the best battle system, but it’s fun. And it definitely reinforces the whole “this is a pet you’re taking care of with its own thoughts and feelings” atmosphere that this game is going for.

However, nothing can protect your Digimon from enemy fire concentrated on them, especially if you did the thing that most players do and equipped your Digimon with the most powerful attacks that also happen to have slower cast times than the faster, weaker attacks.

What then happens is your Digimon’s Health is slowly whittled away as you are powerless to stop it, watching as your digital friend is straight up bullied by enemy Digimon as they keep falling to the ground over and over and over and over again.

The one saving grace is that Friendly Fire exists in this game so that oftentimes the enemy Digimon will damage each other in their mad dash to ruin your day, but that seems more like a band-aid than an actual fix to this system.

5. Fishing Seadramon

“Hi, kid. Let me guess - you also thought you had to talk to the Tankmon in Factorial Town in order to unlock me, huh.”

This one is a lot less of a pain than the other four and it’s only a little annoying but boy...getting Seadramon kinda sucks in this game.

It took me almost a goddamn hour to catch Seadramon. One hour of gameplay devoted to catching one fish. Just like real fishing!

I will say, besides Seadramon, the fishing minigame in this game is pretty competent. It’s just that Seadramon is very elusive, showing up at only two hours in a 24 hour day, and is a very finicky fish that won’t take your bait even if you literally placed it in front of his dumb fish face.

Don’t be fooled by this screenshot. The heart just means you have the right bait. The heart means that you didn’t actually get within range of hooking him.

IT’S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!!

Seadramon is also subject to almost as many gaming myths as the Care Mistakes are, due to how elusive he is, but that’s less to do with poor communication (the game does at least explain multiple times in multiple places how to find him) and more to do with the fact that catching him is just such a goddamn chore to do that players of this game always assume they’re doing something wrong.

When in reality, Seadramon is just a picky little bitch.

Next time I discuss Digimon World, I’ll talk about things I liked, don’t worry. I just had to get all of this negativity out before discussing the full game proper.

#Digimon World #Turq Reviews #Turq Plays a Game

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eternalgirlscout · 4 years

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a while back @lesbians4sokka (i think? sorry for @ing you if i’m thinking of a different blog) asked me to share my thoughts about The Rise of Kyoshi, and seeing as i just finished the book last night (because i am a monster who gets most of the way through a book and thinks “if i keep reading it’ll be over i can’t have that”) i’m finally doing it now!

this got long as hell OOPS

spoilers under the cut

I want to talk about vengeance and justice in this novel.

back when I was only maybe a third of the way through it, i said on twitter that i was excited to see an avatar with an “opposite moral trajectory” to aang; in AtLA, aang has to learn to value justice over conflict avoidance, whereas RoK’s kyoshi has to prioritize justice over revenge. they come to similar conclusions from wildly different starting points. now that i’ve finished the book, i can’t decide how much i stand by that assessment. it feels reductive--which is a testament to the strength of F.C. Yee’s storytelling. while yes, aang and kyoshi both learn a great deal about justice, they act justly in very different ways.

aang, for reasons i like and appreciate from storytelling, ethical, and characterization perspectives (if you haven’t read my The Lion Turtle Is Good, Actually manifesto, you are legally obligated to do so now) has a strict rule about how he enacts justice that aligns with his beliefs and duties to the legacy of the air nomads. rather than killing people who abuse power to oppress others, he takes away the mechanism by which they accomplish violence--namely, their bending. in LoK we see that he continues to use this ability as an alternative to taking a life for at least most of his career as the avatar when he takes yakone’s bending.

kyoshi, on the other hand, has a very different philosophical development and ultimate approach to justice. her last conversation with lao ge summarizes the conflict between the mode of justice that works for aang (though obviously AtLA takes place chronologically after RoK, the novel is well aware that the reader has almost certainly seen the series first and takes ideas and details from it to flesh out the world, which i think is another strength of Yee’s) and the mode of justice she creates for herself.

“I feel... inconsistent. Unfair. Like I should have either killed them both or let them both live.”

...

“If you had a strict rule, maybe, to always show mercy or always punish, you could use it as a shield to protect your spirit. But that would be distancing yourself from your duty. Determining the fates of others on a case-by-case basis, considering the infinite combinations of circumstance, will wear on you like rain on the mountain... You will never be perfectly fair, and you will never be truly correct,” Lao Ge said. “This is your burden.” (405)

the stark difference between aang’s philosophical background and kyoshi’s leads them to very different outcomes with regard to their choices as the avatar. yes, aang makes decisions on a case-by-case basis as well, but he is not interested in retribution as much as restoration and has a line he will not cross. i could argue that kyoshi sees the two (retribution, restoration) as inextricable in the pursuit of justice.

but what about vengeance?

kyoshi’s hatred of her parents wears away over the course of the novel, but her need to enact revenge on jianzhu only becomes more urgent. she is not universally vengeful, but she does not let go of revenge as a goal until she has it... sort of.

speaking of which, i fucking screamed when yun showed up again. i had a feeling we hadn’t seen the last of him, but the timing of his appearance and the change in him hit me like a lightning bolt. sorry, i have to gush for a second about how interested i am in what’s up with him. i am a sucker for a literal dead boy walking, for someone who has been turned into something Other by forces outside their control, and no matter what kyoshi ends up having to do to deal with him, i know i’m going to go feral for it. this is a Yun Stan Account until further notice.

anyway. it’s fascinating that kyoshi doesn’t actually get her revenge per se. yun does. he avenges himself, and it (likely) only causes more problems for kyoshi. and i think the distinction between vengeance and justice is quite wonderfully articulated afterwards:

How could such a container [as Jianzhu’s body] have held the volume of her anguish, her wrath? If any feeling at all pressed through the numbness... it was the ire of a hoodwinked child who’d been promised the end of her bedtime story only to see the candle-lights snuffed and the door slam shut. She was a girl alone in the dark. (430)

she gets the outcome she wanted: jianzhu dead. but her path to him “simply ended.” she has pragmatic advantages now that he’s out of the way--freedom, for one thing, and rangi’s safety, but those weren’t the things that drove her to want her revenge. there is a hollowness to it, a lack of catharsis. revenge is about the self, not the other.

and selfhood is something else kyoshi gives up.

one of the most striking lines in this novel appears when she walks into the tea house to meet jianzhu. at this point, kyoshi has assembled a motley outfit of expensive armor, theater costume pieces, battle accessories, outlaw facepaint, and bending aids for the heretical air nomad. she looks fucking weird. she’s like a video game PC wearing all the highest-stat armor she could loot from random dungeons and none of it matches. literally an assemblage of the places she’s been and the people who have helped her.

This was who she was now. This was her skin. This was her face. (418)

as the avatar, kyoshi has to be a symbol more than a person, even though she is fundamentally a human being as fallible as anyone else. the people who hear of her defeat of xu think she’s a spirit or a dragon in human disguise--regardless of what kyoshi wants and who she is, the world expects her to be something More. so, she gets dressed up and gives them what they need to see.

watching that transformation over the course of one novel is incredible. the path from the girl she is at the start of the novel to the woman we see advise aang that only justice will bring peace is far from over, but the trajectory is more than established. i’m really excited to see what Yee brings to another novel. kyoshi is just getting started.

some other miscellaneous thoughts:

i loved the choice to have a YA writer write this novel. not just for the obvious reason that Avatar is a franchise primarily for kids and teens, but because a lot of the common stylistic elements in YA fiction serve this story incredibly well. (by no means are any of these universal, of course; YA is a broad category of literature with huge stylistic and generic diversity, but in general it has these strengths.) the third person limited pov that switches between various characters gives a vital breadth to the story. there are a lot of moving pieces, and being able to see most of them in real time cuts back on exposition and heightens tension when you can watch their collision course. the focus on the given pov character’s interiority is put to incredible use, especially on the occasions when kyoshi enters the avatar state--and when it’s revealed that jianzhu hides things from even the reader, it becomes all the more staggering what a cunning bastard he is (jianzhu hate blog right here). kyoshi’s blushy crush on yun and even blushier crush on rangi are so good and are woven naturally into the story (bi fuckin rights babey!). that’s a teen with a big heart right there. also, fun swerve to the love triangle trope to get one of the love interests eaten by a spirit a few chapters in! his mind...

the part where kyoshi runs through a stone wall and leaves a kyoshi-shaped hole had me rolling, not just because i was impressed by how well that visual gag worked in prose but also because i can’t believe neither (to my memory) AtLA nor LoK pulled that.

HIDDEN PASSAGE... HIDDEN PASSAGE... THROUGH THE MOUNTAINS...

again i say: bi fucking RIGHTS

and i guess that’s all. stay tuned for the masterpost of Rise of Kyoshi memes i made as i read the book because i have a whole folder of them

#rise of kyoshi #Avatar!verse #meta #more or less. mostly just rambling #do not expect formal coherency from this i just got excited #liked the ending a lot! liked the characters! liked it as a piece of avatar lore!

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scige · 4 years

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「madelyn cline & cis female」⇾ beaumont, saige, the senior radcliffe student’s records show that she is a cancer and 22 years old. she is studying linguistics + criminal psychology, living in noland and can be blithe, energetic, evasive & irrational. when i see her i am reminded of the familiar riff of an old song, skinned knees with laughter following, and wishes on eyelashes stuck to your cheekbones. ⇽「james & 21 & est & they/them.」

N HERE IS MY LAST CHILD FR NOW ... both happy n sad ... god ... bites fist. alright. let’s go!

TW CHILD ABUSE, DRUG USE, ALCOHOLISM, ADDICTION, DEATH, HIT & RUN CAR ACCIDENTS, GRIEF, GUILT

aesthetics.

stick n’ pokes at 2am – when your drunk and giggling too much in between purposeful stabs, avoiding the cracks in the sidewalk because they’re bad luck and they’ll break your mother’s back – even if your mother doesn’t love you, because you love her, the familiar riff in an old song – one that’s got you strumming along silently; there is no guitar, only empty air lit by the christmas lights you haven’t taken down. it’s may. swallowing down shots, and by default, swallowing down problems. laughing quick, easily, constantly. skinned knees from skateboarding, despite being rubbish at it. wishes on eyelashes stuck to your cheekbones, glitter sticking, running into the ocean at sunrise; feeling at home. excuses, and the many forms they come in. telling people you love them through hand squeezes and fresh muffins, sideways glances and soft, eager grins.

basic info.

full name: saige alouette beaumont

nickname(s): n/a :/ give her some

b.o.d. - july 7th, cancer

label(s): the hedonist, the icarcian, the reveler, etc.

height: 5′7″

hometown: thibodaux, louisiana

sexuality: bisexual w/ a very slight preference towards masc-presenting folks

stats

inspired by: serena van der woodsen (gossip girl), aimee gibbs (sex education), alexis rose (schitt’s creek), elle woods (legally blonde), rapunzel (tangled), clementine (eternal sunshine of a spotless mind), angela montenegro (bones), tinkerbell (peter pan), late 2000 / early 2010s kesha… i don’t know because she’s not actually inspired by anybody i made her when i was like 13 HDSJBKFNGHJLDS

biography.

the fallible daughter of two very infallible people: robert beaumont, US lieutenant general (soon to be US general), and manon lévesque, world renowned fashion designer on levels par with gucci and versace. both cold, calculating, and purposeful.

no matter how much she wants to believe otherwise, saige is sure that she was not created out of love. it was an action with a purpose, intentions to create the perfect child. the hybrid of both military genius and fashion extraordinaire. a proper socialite. a 1% citizen. molded to their will.

born in thibodaux, louisiana (surrounded by her father’s family - a long line of old money southern magnates & moguls with a history of beauty pageant winners in each woman) - it took them no more than six months after her birth for her parents to up and move, thus beginning a cycle of packing and unpacking, flying and driving, state-to-state and country-to-country. the longest saige had ever stayed in one place was two years, until radcliffe. even then - conditioned to never become truly attached to a place, she has the urge to up and run away at any given moment, onto the next adventure.

she was kept on a short leash, home-schooled, and learning skills she had no interest in (from cooking to sewing to ballroom dancing - to fencing and firearm safety and self defense) - more like a pet, a project, than a child. the world moved all around her, but she was bound to what her parents allowed her to see. a bird in a cage of thorns.

it was hard to keep and maintain friends - there one day, gone the next. a ghost you could see, clear as day, but never touch - never fully, at least. even if she tried with all her might.

would run from bodyguards (their version of nannies - robert beaumont is a paranoid man with too many enemies to count) into festival crowds and climb out of windows in the middle of the night to swim in lakes with the locals she’d met only hours earlier - as soon as she realized that there was something wrong with the way she lived.

even if it resulted in punishment, military exercises in the form of her own personal boot camp (she’d been forced to do chin-ups, once, when she ripped an expensive gown at the tender age of seven. not since, however, after she wound up sobbing on the floor - instead they moved on. delicate teacups stacked across her back as she did push-ups, the more she did the more that slipped & broke)

she absorbed as she could, as much as she could get; an intense, undying love for a world she always craved to see.

this was the start of something dangerous - a phase that never seemed to end, rebellion coursing through her veins. a wild child in the making, unknowing of limits. she landed herself in any crowd she could squeeze into - bad crowds, in particular and more often than not - they introduced her, the sheltered girl, into a world she hadn’t quite known existed until then.

ran away briefly at the age of fifteen with a man three years older than her & nearly ended up in a tabloid magazine because of it - if it hadn’t been for her parents’ money. though guilt from her parents’ disappointment weighed on her, the thrill fueled something much worse.

from there on, she’d been labeled as a ‘problem child’ - from public intoxication to vandalism, it was clear their daughter was unraveling and nothing could possibly contain her.

boarding school had been an attempt to stop it, enrolled her freshmen year in hopes that she’d come out a proper woman. but being located in new york with easy access to the upper east side of manhattan - it’d been futile.

there’d only been a few significant events during her time there - the death of a classmate (one of her closest friends’ boyfriends) and a ski trip that nearly resulted in her own death, skiing while drunk on a closed off course, in memory of him and the traditions they’d had. the first time she fell in love, and months of pining - running in circles, fights and hiccups and confessions in the dramatic manner all high school relationships seem to be like. they’d finally gotten together - officially, no more sneaking around or pretending - when her parents paid a surprise visit. a rare occasion, nerve-wracking. dangerous. to keep a story short - she’d accidentally exposed her own drug use in their presence, the simple act of pills falling from a purse - and that’d been it. she was gone the next day, with no word to anybody and hardly a word since.

they told family she needed a change of pace, and rumors in her old school said that she’d been expelled, that she’d been sent to the french countryside to live with her grandmother.

she’d only gone to washington, that was all. france was too good, and she was too undeserving. instead she was enrolled in public school, only a quarter through her junior year. her parents rarely spoke to her - rarely in town, the only eyes kept on her were security cameras and the occasional check-in by family friends (the new word for bodyguards, apparently)

but as always - when left alone, saige scrambled to find somewhere she fit, somewhere to tuck herself away in the comfort of other people. a small group, but a loyal group - harmless minus a few miscellaneous charges that they said every small town kid had, at some point. they were safe, they were family - as close as she could get. at least, she had thought so. had really believed it.

she hadn’t intended to go to university after graduating high school, not yet eighteen - not for another month or two, at least. she wanted to travel, meet new people and learn new languages (she’d learned four, already, but had always been a glutton. craved to know more, as if she unlocked secrets with every phrase she could speak) and just. exist.

maybe she should’ve. should’ve left as quick as possible, and never turn back.

saige mysteriously disappeared from the public eye for an entire year, the entirety of her 18th year on earth, before promptly showing up at radcliffe university, ready to learn.

it’d been a year of legal cases & lawsuits & avoiding prison with expensive lawyers and a lot of money.

the getaway driver for an armed robbery at a bank, an unknowing accomplice until her supposed friend ran out from the building and jumped in her car, screaming for her to drive, drive, drive. it had only supposed to have been a quick stop before a road trip to the coast. nobody was supposed to get hurt. but scared, and high, saige had obeyed - and by doing so, led a police chase and, of course, a hit & run that eventually led to saige crashing the car midst breakdown.

the sole victim survived, thankfully - and the beaumonts have been paying the medical bills since. her friend - the one who started it all - was charged & sentenced. but saige got off relatively scot-free. just a year of community service, a slap on the wrist (and the growing wallets of all involved in handling her case). it would’ve made national news if her parents hadn’t stepped in - favors called, resulting in only local headlines.

they hadn’t spoken to her since then. three years of radio silence. she’d think they were dead if it hadn’t been the steady flow of money in her bank account. their silence only feels like a threat of what’s to come if she fucks up again.

ever since - she’s avoided causing too much trouble, still very much the party girl she’d like to be, but staying out of headlines and tabloids. partially in fear of her parents finally cutting ties, permanently, and partially in fear that she’ll end up costing someone else their life with her own selfishness.

UPDATE: she did not avoid trouble n got disowned after a high speed yacht chase it was. a lot. anyways she’s lying to everyone n pretending she’s still rich while rapidly losing money to lawsuit bills n hospital bills n just <3 a whole lot <3 has had to sell her favorite cars and her favorite bass guitar. sheds the smallest tear. spent the summer couch-hopping bt pretending she wasn’t couch-hopping and being :/ really messy. not a good fun look! sucks ... disappeared fr like a straight week n then popped up like hehe wat’s up :D. sighs sm.

personality.

she is so … bubbly. so fucking bubbly. she’s has so much energy in her. goes running every morning and every night and swims almost every afternoon and she’s never tired, even if she hasn’t slept the last night and even if she’s been dancing for five hours in a club in high heels and nothing but vodka in her system. the personification of a coke bottle shaken up, if the coke bottle in question could laugh and smile at you and make you feel, somehow, at home even though you’d only met her in the bathroom queue.

tries her hardest to be the happy fun friend, the cool friend, the one who can hook you up with whatever you need because she sleeps with her drug dealer and gets discounts, but like, it’s totally okay because they’re also friends.

generally comes off as very confident of herself, and fearless, and reckless but like - fun reckless. the kind of reckless you wouldn’t mind to be around because she takes your worries and acknowledges them and reassures you that it’s fine, that it’s grand, even when it may definitely not be.

takes a lot. so much. could ramble for days, hand gestures and all. never stops talking. never.

if she wants to do something, she’ll do it and there’s not very much you can do to stop her. stubborn, but at the same time easy going? very go go go. mischievous. even if she’s trying to do something stupid you kind of just like … have to let her do it, or otherwise she’ll mope for three hours and pout at you and then you’ll feel questionably guilty, which is admittedly a little manipulative on her end and isn’t the best thing, but i never said she’s the best person ever because she’s most certainly … not.

a vegetarian because meat makes her physically sick, like, she’s got a weird intolerance to it and it’s not quite an allergy because it’s really just red meats but she’ll get a tummy ache.

her vocabulary consists of a lot of ‘likes’ and ‘ums’ and ‘yknows’, y’know? her statements always sound like questions.

99% sure she has adhd but she’s never been diagnosed because her parents simply would not allow her to go to therapy so if she does have any neurological disorders, mental illness, and the likes of those - she doesn’t know and doesn’t know where to even begin to find out. her parents? fucking suck.

like i said, she’s currently not on speaking terms with them. more of their decision than hers. she still loves them, a lot - and there’s a part of her that believes that they still love her, that they have to, because she’s not disowned yet. even though they haven’t said more than ten words to her since she was eighteen - as long as they keep sending her money, they still care - right?

owns four cars … bad idea considering her past, but alas. spending her money is a coping mechanism and she likes to drive because it’s a form of freedom. anyways. all her cars are on campus and she’s probably not allowed to have them all on campus but she does. one’s a sleek sports car, the other is a jacked up pick-up truck that’s decked out in like … LED lights and shit, the third one is the same exact fucking mustang from the princess diaries because she’s obsessed with the movie & usually gets what she wants. the fourth is a mini cooper.

she’s a photographer (for funsies) and the walls of her room in noland are covered in photographs and art and taped-down plants. her room in general is really cluttered. like, it’s super homey. super cozy. but it’s a mess. clothes everywhere, she’s got a pile of instruments and other miscellaneous hobbies that she wanted to do and then either never did, or did for a few days and got bored of and haven’t touched since.

i mentioned earlier that she was taught a bunch of skills when growing up - and like, she doesn’t really utilize any of them? knitting, sewing, cookie, three different forms of ballroom dancing - all gone to waste and she’s pretty rusty on most of it, but it’s there. in her mind. it’s kind of neat and i promise she’s not a mary sue it’s just her upbringing HBSJKDFNLG she’s really nuanced i swear. anyways she can also work a gun and a car engine but hates half of the things she knows how to do because she was forced to learn these things.

she plays bass guitar. loves it, loves her guitar. treasured item. she knows violin & piano too but she fucking hates piano & is mostly indifferent towards violin. she can hold a note in other instruments but it’s like. not great.

got really into languages at a young age due to her constant traveling and started learning them unprompted. her mother is like. literally french. a french citizen. so she grew up learning english & french but from there on she’s gotten fluent in spanish (similar 2 french) and latin (dead languages are fun) and then she’s working on a few others like mandarin and german and scottish gaelic specifically but she mostly just knows a few phrases here and there. like, enough to get her through a city if needed.

like she’s super smart and very talented but she’s also ditzy as hell. big dumbass energy to the point where maybe you don’t realize that she’s actually really good at a lot of things because it’s not like she really flaunts it either?

she’s just very reckless, and very much a party girl. has quite the collection of drugs & uses socially, but also alone and throughout the day. rarely sober.

high functioning alcoholic and at this point she doesn’t really know what she’s like when she’s completely sober? which is really bad but she’s convinced that if she goes sober she’ll just be miserable and horrible because at her very core she believes she’s like. the worst human being alive. like very deep issues of self loathing covered by baileys in her morning coffee and 23 crystal lite packets in her yeti cup that happens to be filled with vodka.

this has been a budding problem that was developed since she was a young teenager. the ehem. situation that happened when she was eighteen only amplified it.

is essentially wearing a mask of confidence and giddiness and flirtatiousness because she doesn’t want people to think she’s not doing well, because she isn’t.

loves so much. loves everything, so much. everything, everybody. falls in love like five times a day but nothing really sticks to her either, for the most part. i hate to say it but she does flock to shitty people / general assholes because that’s just … how she is, that’s what she’s surrounded herself with her entire life. even her high school boyfriend was an asshole - just like, not to her, which made it Okay in her mind. she finds these kind of people like … super interesting which is really questionable but y’know what? we’re fine. it’s fine. i’m fine.

she sleeps around often, to be frank. she hates being alone and she rarely sleeps in her own dorm unless someone is in there sleeping with her. otherwise she’s at different houses. could be a friend’s bed, could be a stranger’s. has slept with the entire baseball team, probably. she’s also the type of person who’ll try and maintain a positive, good friendship with whoever she sleeps with because she hates the idea of having a regrettable encounter and just. refuses.

this is kind of a problem because she blurs the lines between friendship and Something More too often, and with too many people. wants to be loved but it’s never enough. probably ends up hurting people without realizing it because they think they have something super special but she does this with a lot of people and it’s super :/

does stick and pokes a whole bunch. she can’t draw for shit so they’re not great but she thinks they’re fun and she’s been doing it for a while so like, who cares, right? let her give you one :)

gets sent dress prototypes and like. drafts of designs & articles of clothing from her fashion lines that aren’t out yet and won’t be for a while by her very own mother. saige absolutely gives them all away, for the most part. or it sits in her closet, and stays there. her go-to gift for birthday presents, or christmas gifts, or whenever she feels like it. like, feel free to raid her closet?

ok that’s all. love her.

wanted connections.

a best friend… someone who sticks by her side even though she is a certified Mess.

a ride or die… is it the same as a best friend? maybe. but it’s got a fancy name and i want both so :)

close friends… she’s really friendly and the kind of girl to have been really popular in high school but didn’t care for it and talks to everybody like she’s known them her entire life, so. she’d have a good amount of these!

grumpy friend… to balance her happy friend. she’ll fuck them up in a friendship way. with her cheerfulness.

party pals… they don’t talk much outside of parties but they’re practically glued to the hip when they’re at them. hold your hair back kind of close.

frenemies… or fake friends, toxic friends, people who use her for money or like … sex, or whatever? anything? people who barely tolerate her because she gives them stuff sometimes.

bad influences… they just encourage her to do more, be worse, never get better.

good influences… like … YOINK! stop being an idiot! do your homework! idot!

a tutor… because she’s like…smart…but she’s also stupid…super bad at math & science. help her.

hook ups… friends with benefits, a one night stand that is a little? awkward? since then. past & present tenses. :)

exes… she’s noncommittal so they likely wouldn’t have lasted very long but? yolo? she can be a heartbreaker, as marina said, as a treat? whether they dated or were fucking … either works. but i do love angst :)

one-sided hatred… someone who just fucking … despises her. but she doesn’t realize because she’s an idiot and thinks they’re just like. joking around! like they’re best buddies!

annoyance… but she’s the annoyance. she’s the thorn in their side.

ex-best friend… where something happened between them, like, anything, and it ruined their friendship forever. very sad. angst potential, though.

but like. i’ll take anything.

steals your mail… who knows why?

cat escape… he keeps running away and she keeps letting him inside her room even though she’s allergic…

married old couple… the kind of friendship where they always bicker like they’ve been together for fifty years, but it’s purely platonic (or is it? slowburn BAYBEY. DENIAL babyey.)

off and on again… i think that one that’s not good for them because they enable each other & only get like … angry at each other, and it’s like, messy. but it’s super hard to stop. probably reminds her of high school so that’s why she tries so hard to stick around, but alas. it’s not good. it’s toxic. stop it.

the drug dealer… the one she sleeps with… even though she can just pay for it because she’s rich but like. it’s funner this way.

blurred status… like, it’s just really confusing of what they are? are they, aren’t they? the relationship status is just … muddled. she’s a mess and gets involved with too many people without intending to. potential to hurt feelings. :)

please. take her. give me connections.

#ruhqintro #child abuse tw #drug abuse tw #alcoholism tw #addiction tw #death tw #hit and run tw #car accident tw #grief tw

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mamawaffle · 4 years

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Overwatch Fic Exchange

So I participated in @clareguilty‘s Overwatch fic exchange and this is the first time in probably 10 years I’ve posted anything online. I got @unseaworthy, hope you like it love!

Mostly fluff, Pre Explosion, Gabriel Reyes, Gender Neutral/Female reader, ~2000 words

You stretch, happy to finally be done with mission assignments for the week. You had pulled overtime for the last month to get ahead of schedule, and if everything during the missions went well, you would enjoy a quiet Friday Saturday and Sunday. You had packed your laptop and cellphone into your bag and had nearly signed off when a ping alerted you to a manual override for a mission. In years past this had been rare, the commander trusting the handlers- and the computers- to make sound decisions. But recently there’d be a lot more override requests, not from the agents but the commander himself.

Well, you decide sitting back down at your desk, no use in putting off what can be done now. It was a simple escort mission, one that you’d assigned Agent Thomas and Agent Elias to; two compatible, quiet agents with compatible skills. Instead, Elias had been replaced with Nunez, a weapons specialist with a predisposition for explosives. What was the commander thinking?

Movement catches your attention and you flick your attention up; speak of the devil and he shall appear. “Sir are you sure about this?”

“Sure about what?” Commander Reyes came around your desk to see the screen better. You noticed he was dressed more casually than usual, he still wore his dark pants and boots, but he was wearing a regular t-shirt instead of his hoodie or armor. You can see the hint of a tattoo on one of his ridiculously toned muscles-

With a heaving effort you pull your attention from his arms to rove over the holoscreen again, pretending you’d been invested in the information the whole time. As he came around the desk your attention drifted to the side-by-side statistical profiles of the two agents again. The commander placed one hand on the back of your seat, and the other reached past you to rest on your desk, giving you a good dosage of the cologne he wore in the office. It was a long standing debate among the other Blackwatch handlers what exactly he wore- Lieutenant Stroud insisted it was an old school Christain Dior- “a refined scent for a refined and mysterious man”-, but Agent Jones insisted that it was something more modern like-.

“Y/N,” you hear the commander call your name, pulling you from your thoughts on the old office gossip back to reality.

“Yes sir, um, I mean, Gabriel.” Saying his name was enough to make your heart stop he was so intimidating, but he insisted on it when it was just the two of you. Taking a breath, you switch back into work mode with the confidence of a woman who doesn’t have a school girl crush on their boss. “Thomas and Nunez don’t have any complementary stats at all. I mean lately they’ve had at least some overlap,” you point a finger at the mission requirements and trace it along the screen to show, “but this one really takes the cake. Thomas was already a long shot for the mission being an espionage specialist but Nunez?” You shake your head and drop the pointing hand to lean your chin on it, “he’s a pyromaniac who can be seen with explosives strapped to his back on an escort mission with a man he hates on his way to the near Antarctic tundra.”

“It’s fine,” he moves the hand on the desk to your mouse and clicks the confirm button, and a window pops up asking for your password. “Call it commander intuition, but I’ve got them paired for a reason. Sometimes a scientist escort requires cunning wit, quiet observation, and explosives.” The disbelief must have been plain on your face because the commander laughs and stands up straight. “Trust me, I know exactly what I’m doing.”

And so for the next two days you contemplated what exactly Reyes thought he was doing. You thought about it as you saw Nunez and Thomas off, you thought about it when Stroud and Jones bid you a Merry Christmas and a Happy Hanukkah respectively and headed to the states for the rest of the week. You thought about it when you overheard agents talking about how contact with Agent Nunez and Agent Thomas had been lost in the middle of an unseasonable storm. The scientists had been fine and were maintaining shortwave radio communication with the agents, instructing them on the locations of various survival items, including a single blanket that they had to share. You even thought about it as you mechanically went through the checkup portion of your yearly physical with Doctor O’Deorain, another agent with the maddening request of only using first names for those they’d become fond of.

You supposed that the commander actually could be onto something, humans made mistakes and computer programs were as fallible as the programmers who designed them. As commander he had to be observant of not just what the system told you, but collect other information and be able to pair or group agents accordingly.

“You seem fit as a fiddle Y/N, it is a shame you don’t go out into the field more often. You would be perfect for the work.”

“Hm.” You answer non committedly.

“Speaking of field work, congratulations are in order for George and June, they’ve just arrived safely from their chilling ordeal.”

Your mind belatedly connects the names to Thomas and Nunez and you look up at her. The doctor had her perpetual grin aimed at a tablet, either at your charts or at the list of agents landing on base you couldn’t tell. “Gabriel mentioned something about a celebration but I don’t think I’ll be attending.” She pulls her face into pinched disapproval.

“I uh, think I’ll pass too. I really just want to take a break.”

You move to stand but she puts a hand to your shoulder, “I do have just one more question for you though, if you don’t mind my asking.”

You shrug, “sure.”

“What exactly is our commander up to?” She doesn’t allow you a response past your confused expression. “He’s spent an awful lot of time with you in the office, and there haven’t been any truly dangerous missions for the entire month. I understand that you have been handling the bulk of agent assignment as well, and you have been awfully quiet this afternoon. Dirty conscious got your tongue?”

“I..” So you weren’t the only one to notice how weird the commander had been. You shrug again, “I have no idea, sorry Moira.”

“You don’t think that it’s odd, that previously openly hostile coworkers have become incredibly..” She lets the word trail off, searching for the right word. “Chummy.”

You hadn’t thought about it, but now that she’d pointed it out it was weird. Every pairing or group that you’d sent out for the last month had come back not only in higher spirits, but as great friends. Maybe it was a piece of the puzzle, but you shook your head no at her.

Moira pulled her hand away slowly, the serious expression relaxed into her perpetual smile again. “I only thought he’d have filled you in, my apologies for holding you.”

Understanding the words as a dismissal you flash her a nervous smile of your own and beat a hasty exit from the infermary toward the mess hall The doctor made a good point though, things were much quieter in the halls and common areas. You would have to think hard about how all of that fit into Reyes’s master plan, but after you got a bit of dinner in you.

You could maybe get in a bit of observation time if you-.

Your thoughts stop short as your round the corner into the Blackwatch mess. “Oh my god.”

The words fall slowly from your lips. It looked like Christmas had thrown up, garland lined the walls in a tasteful Blackwatch symbol with colorful lights brightening the greenery. The room lights had been dimmed so that the multitude of blinking snowflakes hanging from the ceiling could be seen well. Upon closer inspection you can see that whoever had done the puking had made sure to include other holidays too. Tiny plastic menorahs and kinara were in the middle of tables surrounded by red LED candles, and the tablecloths had various holiday characters. And at the culmination of it all, in the center of the room, a huge tree was being decorated by agents who hadn’t gone home for the holidays to the tune of Mirah Carrey

“So,” McCree said on your left, “what’d ya think?”

“I think Reyes is gonna have a heart attack.”

“Naw, it was his idea after all.” He claps you on your back as he walks past you and calls over his shoulder, “you comin or what?”

In all your fuss of maintaining a black operations organization over the years, you’d barely acknowledged the holiday other than making a few calls home and mumbled greetings in the office. Overwatch, of course, threw a company wide party every year that was about as bland as they came, and nearly every Blackwatch agent turned down the invitation every year. But this was the first time they’d thought to throw their own.

You sigh and follow after McCree. “I guess I’ll see what you’ve done to the tree.”

For the first time in years you actually enjoyed yourself on Christmas eve. You put up a few decorations with some agents and even saw Thomas and Nunez hanging off of each other. The two seemed to laugh at the whole situation when you congratulated them on a job well done.

“Make lemon cakes out of lemons,” Nunez shrugs and pecks Thomas’s cheek with a kiss. And then suddenly it clicks. Your gaze slides over all of the new couples floating around the room, there hadn’t been any fights all week and now you had confirmation.

The missions, the overrides, it was all to set them up!

You turn away to go look for Commander Reyes and bump into a solid wall of ugly blue and red sweater.

“Oh, sorry Y/N I was just-.”

You put a finger to his chest hard, “Gabriel Reyes I cannot believe,” you glance around you but every seemed reasonably invested in the festivities to not notice you, but you still drop your voice, “you were using assignments to play matchmaker.”

The commander grins at you and gently pushes a small box that matched his sweater at your chest. “Merry Christmas.”

You hiss under you breath, “Reyes I’m serious.” You push the box back into his hands, but a few of the other agents were starting to notice your confrontation. “Commere.” Taking his arm you pull him to a table that lined the wall. You sat down pulling him down with you and he pushes the box into your hands again.

“I feel like you’re not feeling the Christmas spirit.”

“Reyes-.”

“Gabriel.” He insists.

You breathe out a heavy sigh, “Gabriel what the hell?”

“Well we couldn’t really throw a party with everyone trying to kill each other,” he shrugs as if that was enough explanation in of itself.

“This is so against all kinds of protocols.”

He makes a flippant motion with his hand, “I’ve never been one for following rules. I’m sorry for the secrecy but you’ve got to admit the quiet’s been nice.”

You glance behind you, at the agents, a lot of who you would consider friends, dancing drunkenly to Christmas In Holis and at the twinkling lights and absolute treasure trove of food being brought out. You guessed this was okay, and he was right, the lack of reports being filed had made your work much easier.

“Promise to include me in your nefarious schemes next time Gabriel?” His grin was infectious and you found yourself already looking back on this as a funny situation.

“So your gift?”

“Oh yeah.” You quickly work to slip the ribbon securing the lid off of the box.

You stare down bemusedly at the mistletoe. “Isn’t this stuff supposed to be above us for a kiss Gabriel?”

He smirks, “we make our own rules here Y/N.” And he leans in for a kiss.

#I...got carried away #i also wanted to make it a smidgen christmas related which took a smidgen more time #I feel like the end is a little rushed but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#Overwatch #overwatch x reader #Gabriel Reyes x Reader #self insert

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altscige · 4 years

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『MADELYN CLINE ❙ CIS FEMALE』 ⟿ looks like SAIGE BEAUMONT is here for HER JUNIOR year as a LINGUISTICS student. SHE is 21 years old & known to be BLITHE, ENERGETIC, EVASIVE & IRRATIONAL. They’re living in NOLAND, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ JAMES. 20. EST. SHE/THEY.

hi sorry this took so long i ws on hiatus bt turns out thts exactly how long i need to churn out these new blogs so BJKSADNKFJG also r i p babe bt i miss saige ... she’s an old muse of mine n she’s rly grand i think pls love her ok thank u pls LIKE this if u’d like to plot

TW CHILD ABUSE, DRUG USE, ALCOHOLISM, ADDICTION, DEATH, HIT & RUN CAR ACCIDENTS, GRIEF, GUILT

aesthetics.

basic info.

full name: saige alouette beaumont

nickname(s): n/a :/ give her some

b.o.d. - july 7th, cancer

label(s): the hedonist, the icarcian, the reveler, etc.

height: 5′7″

hometown: thibodaux, louisiana

sexuality: bisexual w/ a very slight preference towards masc-presenting folks

stats

inspired by: serena van der woodsen (gossip girl), aimee gibbs (sex education), alexis rose (schitt’s creek), elle woods (legally blonde), rapunzel (tangled), clementine (eternal sunshine of a spotless mind), angela montenegro (bones), tinkerbell (peter pan), late 2000 / early 2010s kesha... i don’t know because she’s not actually inspired by anybody i made her when i was like 13 HDSJBKFNGHJLDS

biography.

it was hard to keep and maintain friends - there one day, gone the next. a ghost you could see, clear as day, but never touch - never fully, at least. even if she tried with all her might.

she absorbed as she could, as much as she could get; an intense, undying love for a world she always craved to see.

from there on, she’d been labeled as a ‘problem child’ - from public intoxication to vandalism, it was clear their daughter was unraveling and nothing could possibly contain her.

they told family she needed a change of pace, and rumors in her old school said that she’d been expelled, that she’d been sent to the french countryside to live with her grandmother.

maybe she should’ve. should’ve left as quick as possible, and never turn back.

saige mysteriously disappeared from the public eye for an entire year, the entirety of her 18th year on earth, before promptly showing up at radcliffe university, ready to learn.

it’d been a year of legal cases & lawsuits & avoiding prison with expensive lawyers and a lot of money.

personality.

she is so ... bubbly. so fucking bubbly. she’s has so much energy in her. goes running every morning and every night and swims almost every afternoon and she’s never tired, even if she hasn’t slept the last night and even if she’s been dancing for five hours in a club in high heels and nothing but vodka in her system. the personification of a coke bottle shaken up, if the coke bottle in question could laugh and smile at you and make you feel, somehow, at home even though you’d only met her in the bathroom queue.

takes a lot. so much. could ramble for days, hand gestures and all. never stops talking. never.

if she wants to do something, she’ll do it and there’s not very much you can do to stop her. stubborn, but at the same time easy going? very go go go. mischievous. even if she’s trying to do something stupid you kind of just like ... have to let her do it, or otherwise she’ll mope for three hours and pout at you and then you’ll feel questionably guilty, which is admittedly a little manipulative on her end and isn’t the best thing, but i never said she’s the best person ever because she’s most certainly ... not.

a vegetarian because meat makes her physically sick, like, she’s got a weird intolerance to it and it’s not quite an allergy because it’s really just red meats but she’ll get a tummy ache.

her vocabulary consists of a lot of ‘likes’ and ‘ums’ and ‘yknows’, y’know? her statements always sound like questions.

owns four cars ... bad idea considering her past, but alas. spending her money is a coping mechanism and she likes to drive because it’s a form of freedom. anyways. all her cars are on campus and she’s probably not allowed to have them all on campus but she does. one’s a sleek sports car, the other is a jacked up pick-up truck that’s decked out in like ... LED lights and shit, the third one is the same exact fucking mustang from the princess diaries because she’s obsessed with the movie & usually gets what she wants. the fourth is a mini cooper.

she’s just very reckless, and very much a party girl. has quite the collection of drugs & uses socially, but also alone and throughout the day. rarely sober.

this has been a budding problem that was developed since she was a young teenager. the ehem. situation that happened when she was eighteen only amplified it.

is essentially wearing a mask of confidence and giddiness and flirtatiousness because she doesn’t want people to think she’s not doing well, because she isn’t.

loves so much. loves everything, so much. everything, everybody. falls in love like five times a day but nothing really sticks to her either, for the most part. i hate to say it but she does flock to shitty people / general assholes because that’s just ... how she is, that’s what she’s surrounded herself with her entire life. even her high school boyfriend was an asshole - just like, not to her, which made it Okay in her mind. she finds these kind of people like ... super interesting which is really questionable but y’know what? we’re fine. it’s fine. i’m fine.

ok that’s all. love her.

wanted connections.

a best friend... someone who sticks by her side even though she is a certified Mess.

a ride or die... is it the same as a best friend? maybe. but it’s got a fancy name and i want both so :)

close friends... she’s really friendly and the kind of girl to have been really popular in high school but didn’t care for it and talks to everybody like she’s known them her entire life, so. she’d have a good amount of these!

grumpy friend... to balance her happy friend. she’ll fuck them up in a friendship way. with her cheerfulness.

party pals... they don’t talk much outside of parties but they’re practically glued to the hip when they’re at them. hold your hair back kind of close.

frenemies... or fake friends, toxic friends, people who use her for money or like ... sex, or whatever? anything? people who barely tolerate her because she gives them stuff sometimes.

bad influences... they just encourage her to do more, be worse, never get better.

good influences... like ... YOINK! stop being an idiot! do your homework! idot!

a tutor... because she’s like...smart...but she’s also stupid...super bad at math & science. help her.

hook ups... friends with benefits, a one night stand that is a little? awkward? since then. past & present tenses. :)

exes... she’s noncommittal so they likely wouldn’t have lasted very long but? yolo? she can be a heartbreaker, as marina said, as a treat? whether they dated or were fucking ... either works. but i do love angst :)

one-sided hatred... someone who just fucking ... despises her. but she doesn’t realize because she’s an idiot and thinks they’re just like. joking around! like they’re best buddies!

annoyance... but she’s the annoyance. she’s the thorn in their side.

ex-best friend... where something happened between them, like, anything, and it ruined their friendship forever. very sad. angst potential, though.

but like. i’ll take anything.

steals your mail... who knows why?

cat escape... he keeps running away and she keeps letting him inside her room even though she’s allergic...

married old couple... the kind of friendship where they always bicker like they’ve been together for fifty years, but it’s purely platonic (or is it? slowburn BAYBEY. DENIAL babyey.)

off and on again... i think that one that’s not good for them because they enable each other & only get like ... angry at each other, and it’s like, messy. but it’s super hard to stop. probably reminds her of high school so that’s why she tries so hard to stick around, but alas. it’s not good. it’s toxic. stop it.

the drug dealer... the one she sleeps with... even though she can just pay for it because she’s rich but like. it’s funner this way.

blurred status... like, it’s just really confusing of what they are? are they, aren’t they? the relationship status is just ... muddled. she’s a mess and gets involved with too many people without intending to. potential to hurt feelings. :)

please. take her. give me connections.

#radintro #child abuse tw #abuse tw #drug abuse tw #alcoholism tw #addiction tw #hit and run tw #grief tw #ok wow this is a lot. HBJDNFKGH

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