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#cassandra you idiot
deadsetobsessions · 4 months
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He could overlook a lot of things, but this was getting ridiculous. You’d think seasoned vigilantes would have better excuses prepared, but Danny had caught that flash of panic that crossed Tim’s face as Danny came face to face with Tim dragging an unconscious Steph to her designated room in the manor.
“Uh.”
“Danny! Uh, Stephanie brained herself- uh, sliding down the bannisters and- pleasedon’ttellBruce.”
Danny blinks, staring at Tim and then very pointedly, very slowly, turned his head back towards the direction he came from: the main hall… where the bannisters were. He wonders what vigilante hijinks they were trying to hide from B this time.
Tim coughs, trying to inch Stephanie away. “Uh. She was doing… cartwheels?”
Danny let his eyes slowly take in the bruises that were clearly not from “cartwheeling in the mansion” on the both of them. There’s a huge bandaged cut on Steph’s forearm and a giant bruise on the edge of Tim’s jaw. Tim’s face twitches nervously, not that anyone else would have noticed- except Danny has enhanced ghost senses and could feel the panic coming off of his adopted brother.
“You know…” Shit, what does he do? Not knowing would be so much easier if these idiots gave him good excuses! “I don’t think I want to know what you two have been up to… but should I be worried for your, uh, physical health?”
“Nope!”
“… Okay.” He says. Tim opens his mouth to make further excuses but Danny adds quickly, “But don’t tell me, because if Bruce asks, I want plausible deniability.”
Cartwheels, Danny’s ghostly ass. Luckily, this show of doubt reaffirms Tim’s belief that Danny believes them all of the other times. Danny grins inwardly, planning capitalizing on the guilt that flashed over Tim’s face.
“Deal.”
“Want help?” The halfa points at Steph, who’s still being dragged over the carpet by a noodle armed Tim. Danny knows Tim’s strong, he’s a vigilante, but it’s funny watching him pretend to struggle.
“Please. I’m so tired right now.” He looks it too. Danny’s brows furrow with genuine concern when he takes in Tim’s drowned raccoon look. He picks up Steph, firmly removing her from Tim’s suddenly weak grip. Being careful to avoid her injuries, Danny nods at the door to her room. Tim cracks it open and does a little showy gesture towards the inside.
“C’mon, we’ll tuck her in and then I’ll tuck you in.”
“What, you don’t have to do that.”
“If you don’t let me tuck you in and make sure you sleep, I’ll tell Alfred who really accidentally poured boiling hot coffee on his azaleas last week. And I’ll sic Dick on you and tell him you haven’t been sleeping enough.”
“You drive a hard bargain,” Tim grumbles. “But fine. It’s really not my fault I’m this tired. A missing spleen is hard to handle, you know.”
“Yeah, missing an organ sucks,” Danny says, shit eating grin hidden long enough to catch the contemplative bloodhound look that passes over Tim’s face.
“Which- uh, which one of your organs is missing?”
“Liver.” Danny says, remembering the flashes of pain. He tilts his head away to hide the grin at Tim’s panicked face.
When he tucks Tim in, he pretends to believe Tim’s sleeping act and left his room while mumbling about the Wayne’s clumsiness and bruises and stocking up on bruise cream. He couldn’t even enjoy Tim’s floundering, this time, worried as he is.
——
“Brother.” Danny half turns his head, just to beam a sunny smile at Cass. He signs an exuberant hello. The halfa hangs up his coat as he addresses his adopted sister.
“Cass! What’s up?”
“Dinner.” She smiles back, signing that Alfred wanted them to the dinning room post haste. The main dining room, because rich people were fruit loops and Batman is totally included. Cassandra looks down and gasps.
What…?
Oh. Fuck. Danny glances down. He genuinely forgot about that.
“Huh.”
“Okay?” Suddenly, Cass is right next to him, hand reached out and hovering over the actual knife Danny forgot was sticking out of him. At least it’s where his liver should be, so he won’t have to pretend.
“Oh. Yeah, I’m good. Don’t have a liver.” Danny decides on the spot that he’s not gonna mess with Cass. She smiled the same as him. “Got mugged on the way back but I think they said I could keep the knife, right?”
“Danny.” She’s frowning at him. He feels like he just kicked tiny Cujo. But he doesn’t feel bad enough to blurt everything out.
“Here. You can have it if you want?” Danny casually pulls out the knife and holds the wound together with his bare hands. Cass looks more alarmed. She bodily picks up Danny and starts running.
“Woah!”
Cass throws him at Alfred, gently.
“Miss Cassandra! Why, I never-!” Alfred pauses in surprise.
“Uh. Wow, Cass. You’re really strong.” Danny pipes up, hand still over his gushing wound.
She ignores him, pointing at Danny and telling Alfred, “Hurt. Got mugged. Dumb.”
“Hey! It’s not my fault Gothamites are ready to jump people at any moment. Besides, it’s daytime. It’s not like the vigilante furries are out to save my butt. I think I did really well coming back safe, you know?”
“Hurt. Forgot the knife. Was in him.”
“Master Danny!”
Danny pouts. He also knows there’s a discreet camera in the corners of the sitting room, so he’s definitely hoping he could phase into the cave when Barbara eventually tells the group that he called them “vigilante furries.”
Alfred clucks his tongue and set to work patching him up. Danny tries not to bask in the careful way Alfred tended to his wounds. It reminds him too much of Jazz, if Jazz was British and a man with greying hair.
But because they were watching him and he was watching them in return, Danny noticed the moment Alfred’s hands stalled and Cass’ gaze got intense. What now…?
Oh, fuck, his vivisection scar. Oops. Danny smiled, channeling Dani (his lovely clone sister) at her most innocent.
Cass smiled back, just as sunnily, fists tightening at her side in repressed fury.
——
“Cass? Why’d you call us?”
“Yeah, baby bat. I got a couple o’ smugglers to talk to.”
Cass paces.
“What is it, Cassandra?” Damian tuts impatiently.
“Danny. Has… scars. Autopsy. But was struggling. When cut.”
“What.”
“A vivisection, Master Jason.” Alfred’s voice was crisp and eerily cold. His hands are folded, rage only held back by his sheer will and a well practiced sense of propriety.
“We find. Who hurt him,” Cass snarls. “We. End.”
Jason’s eyes glint green, hands going to his guns. “Fine. By. Me.”
“It does tie in with the dead comment. I wonder what happened to him.” Tim clacks away at the bat computer, furiously looking into the matter already. Bruce has taken to prowling, stressed out at the prospect of one more of his children- not a vigilante at that- getting hurt the way Jason had. Worse, even. A vivisection. He was alive, dissected. Aware enough to struggle. Dick looked like he was torn about hunting down and lunging at whoever hurt Danny to rip their throats out with his bare teeth versus the urge to go back up to the manor and wrap Danny in bubble wrap.
In the corner, Danny was having a quiet breakdown because he came here to watch them react to vigilante furries, not offering to murder the people who vivisected him. What the fuck?? He ran his hands through his hair, invisible.
——
“Oh, by the way, we should consider more daytime shifts.”
“Why?” Spoiler asks Barbara.
“Danny got mugged. And called us the nightly furries.”
“The fuckin’ what-?” Jason chokes out, laughing. Bruce stops his pacing, body language becoming slightly offended.
Danny muffles a laugh only Alfred would have heard.
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Love is Blind (but mostly oblivious)
*doorbell rings*
Jason, answering his front door: What?
Cass: Can I come in?
Jason: Obviously. *herds Cass inside* But why bother with the door? Usually you just break in like everyone else.
Cass: It’s important. I need help.
Jason: Are you bleeding or are we making someone else bleed?
Cass: Neither. I need dating advice.
Jason:
Jason: What.
Cass: No one else has had a relationship last more than four months in at least six years, so…
Jason: That still does nothing to explain why you’re asking for my help.
Cass: You are successfully dating. So, you’ll actully be helpful.
Jason: What? I’m not dating anyone?
Cass:
Cass: Where’s Roy?
Jason: Grocery store. Why? I mean, I guess maybe he’d have some advice or something.
Cass: How long have the two of you been living together anyway?
Jason: I dunno. Three years?
Cass: So what’re you doing tonight?
Jason: It’s our anniversary. Seven years together.
Cass: Uh-huh. And for how much of that have the two of you been dating?
Jason: We’re no-
Jason:
Jason:
Cass:
Jason: Well, shit.
Cass: I love you, but you’re a disaster.
Jason: Wait, how long HAVE I been dating Roy?
Cass: At least three years.
Jason: And does Roy know we’re dating?
Cass: Your guess is as good as mine.
Jason: I’m gonna have to tell him. Wait, how do I tell him we’re dating?
Cass: How about when he gets back you just tell him. Say, ‘we’re dating’ and leave it at that.
Cass: I’ll stay here.
Cass: For reasons. And moral support.
Jason: Thanks. So what was it you wanted help with, anyway? I feel like I kinda owe you one now.
Cass: I just need to figure out how to tell someone I like them.
Jason: Wait, did you and Steph break up?
Cass: What?
Jason: What?
Cass: We’re no-
Jason:
Cass: Ah.
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martyrbat · 5 months
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harley quinn (2000) #1
[ID: Tim Drake, Dick Grayson, and Cassandra Cain ambushing a gang as they're all in their respective costumes. Tim quips to Nightwing, “Cheer up—they probably never even heard of Batgirl!” Behind Cass, a criminal suddenly points a gun at their head as he states, “Never hear of her again, either...” Out of nowhere, Batman swoops down and hits the criminal, causing the gun to go flying out of his hands! He tells him, “She never would have let you pull that trigger. Be glad I got to you first.” END ID]
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ghostlyarchaeologist · 7 months
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"Yeah, I'm thinking it's definitely the Pope."
The Librarians S01E05 And the Apple of Discord.
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jondoe279 · 2 months
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batgirl (2000)
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caitlynmeow · 3 months
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One time Alcina decided to do something spontaneous and took her daughters to a cabin in the middle of a forest in Washington State. It’s rented because she really just thought of it and did it.
The place was spacious, just as she likes it. But there was a slight issue that got her daughters nearly fighting and for her to realize things.
There was a loud argument when it came to the daughters picking which bedroom to stay at. Apparently, only one room had an electricity outlet by the bed and currently, WW3 was taking place because each daughter wanted that room.
“Why that room?” She didn’t get what the problem is.
“Because charger and all,” Daniela explained.
“You charge your phone and use it in bed until you fall asleep?”
All three heads nodded.
“ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR DAMNED MINDS? WHO USES THEIR PHONE AND FALL ASLEEP WITH IT— IT CAN ELECTROCUTE YOU! IT CAN OVERHEAT AND EXPLODE,” That got the quarreling sisters to quite down quickly.
“I’m taking that room,” Alcina announced, not a single daughter dared to object.
“But our phones would die…” Cassandra, ever the brave one, said.
“This is what I got you portable chargers for,” Alcina looked her middle daughter in the eye, making her gulp.
“So you’re giving up that room?” Daniela asked. Hopeful.
“No,”
“Mama!” Her youngest two whined.
Bela only rolled her eyes and took the chance to scour the best room for herself while her sisters wasted their time (and chance at getting the room with the best view) trying to change their mother's mind. Really, how idiotic can those two be? All this time with their mother and they still think they can somehow make her change her mind once it's already made.
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purpleturtle9000 · 11 months
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just realised that tello and cass are going to probably end up in at least seventeen fights to the death in an attempt to figure out who casey's best family figure is because they can settle on no other way to answer this question but violence
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allthestories · 1 year
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PLEASE NOT ME MISSPELLING ALASTAIR THIS WHOLE TIME
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katnissgirlsmakedo · 11 months
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objectively funny actually to get a new fictional guy who textually canonically can’t fucking read at the same time i’ve been really mad about fandomized “he can’t read” himbo jokes. me like a month ago: can’t fucking stand it when archie riverdale fans are like aww sweet little stupid baby boy he can’t even read he’s simple he’s dumb aww babygirl 🥺🥺. and now you’re telling me i’m gonna have to actually see that in a real book in real time?? ok lmao… funniest fucking timing ever tho
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pragmaticdreamers · 1 year
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Tag Drop: Benoit Edition
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because Chain of Thorns is coming out in January I’ve reread the infernal devices (ahead of schdule and I was considering making a group read thing and discussions about things) now should I read the academy novellas or *gags* ghosts of the shadow market maybe ghosts
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Conversation
Adaar, returning from the beach on the Storm Coast, looking shell shocked: Harding.
Harding: Yes, ser?
Adaar: Harding. You didn't warn me he was gorgeous.
Harding: Well, if /he/ was a /she/, I could've.
Adaar: *1000 yard stare*
Harding: *smirk* ...how bad did you stick your foot in your mouth?
Adaar: ...I don't want to talk about it.
Adaar: Anyway, if you need me, I'll be walking off the tallest cliff I can find.
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jellyfishsthings · 2 months
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Nerves and Stolen Kisses
I have been toying with the idea of writing a fic about him for quite sometime and after last weekend I just had to. Estelle ( Ollie's rumoured gf is mentioned here but it is a fake relationship for PR reasons.) Also Paul Aron has a gf... friends to lovers trope.
Shoutout to @httpiastri for the inspiration
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The Saudi Arabian Grand Prix was fast approaching. And Ollie was a jumble of nerves and excitement as usual. Since the early hour of the day, he opened the curtains letting the sun into the room and you groaned into the pillow.
“Wakey wakey, sleepyhead. Come on, we have a whole day ahead of us.”
“No, you do. I don't know why I came.”
“Because I am your bestest friend and I paid for your ticket and let you stay with me.”
“Both of which are for your benefit.”
“Come on….”
“Fine.” You say with a dejected sigh as you get up and you both get ready for the day. David, Ollie's dad was already waiting for you and you headed towards the paddock.
Everything was a frenzy and was passing by so quickly. As Ollie got into the garage and got ready for the quali you headed towards the stands trying to find Cassie, Paul's long-term girlfriend. Throughout the years you have formed a unique friendship. She was the only one who knew about your crush on Ollie and she teased you endlessly about it. Ollie and you had been best friends for the better part of your life, joint to the hip, having endless sleepovers, even if Dad didn't approve.
It was an endless nightmare being close enough to get a taste of all the what ifs, but never experiencing them.
“Do you and your lover boy share a room, huh?”
“It's not like that and you know it, Cassandra.”
“Yeah, it hurts, doesn't it?”
“So much. You have no idea. Yesterday I couldn't sleep and as the hours passed, he came closer and closer. He ended up holding me in his sleep. And I felt so bad because of Estelle. I know that they aren't really together and it's for PR, but still, I feel awful because technically I am the other woman… and she is just so nice and sweet. Never overstepping, I think she knows.”
We both stay quiet after that as the session continues.
“You know… whatever the case. You both love each other, platonically or not.”
“Yeah, I know.” I say as I watch the times set by all the drivers, Ollie having the fastest one yet.
“Looks like your man is on pole.”
We both make our way through the paddock, trying to pass the roaring sea of fans and we hand out already-signed autographs to anyone who asks for them. When we finally arrive, we part ways, before making promises about having dinner together at a restaurant Cassie wanted to try. And I head towards the Prema garage finding two beaming Bearmans, hugging.
“Hey Bear. Did you drive fast enough?” You call at him. And he grins like an idiot before swooping you into a tight hug spinning you. His laughter echoes in your ears as he sets you down.
“Yeah I drove fast enough, you minx.”
“Good. Now let's go. We are having dinner with Paul and Cassie in four hours and I want to see the city.”
“Give me five minutes to change and we are good to go.”
The afternoon is spent visiting local stores, trying to communicate in scrappy English and making terrible puns with products or street names. When they finally head to the restaurant their sides hurt from laughing. Dinner passed by as quickly as it came. As everyone says, time flies by when you are with the people you love.
Just as they open the door for their hotel room, Ollie flops in the bed as you head towards your computer and open it as hoards of emails and messages appear on the screen. Great more deadlines and essays to write until the end of the week.
“Leave it. We can pretend that we have nothing to do and watch a movie or local TV and try to understand what the hell is going on.”
“Thanks Bear. But I can't, as tempting as your offer is. Go to sleep, I will join you soon.”
And so you sit in front of your computer, ending essay after essay, sending them on time, until your eyes hurt from the pale blue light. The bed seems more welcoming than ever before as Ollie starfishes the entire length of it and his soft snores fill the empty space. Yeah, maybe it's time to call it a day.
An awful sound echoes in the room and eventually wakes you.
“I swear if it's one more ad I will jump from the window.” You grumble into your pillow as you steal the blankets and turn yourself into a burrito.
Ollie hisses as he opens his phone only to find a ton of messages and many missed calls from Ferrari. He dials Fred back as he moves towards the bathroom, trying to let you steal a few more minutes of much needed sleep.
When he emerges back in the room he sits down in front of you, his back supported on the bed.
“Ols, what's going on?”
“Carlos has an appendix”
“Oh no. Is he having surgery?”
“Yeah.” He says softly. “They want me to replace him.”
“What?” At that you are fully awake. Your hair is a netted nest and you look at him in shock. He looks at you, you his best friend who would look like a mess to anyone else but to him you look like the most beautiful and amazing creature in the world. Your mere presence has a more calming effect on him than anything else. If it weren't for you, he would have already lost his mind. “How? When? I…”
“We need to get to the paddock, if I don't want to miss FP3. I will wake up Dad and break the news to him.”
Soon after you enter the paddock and thousands of reporters try to get a better look at Ollie, flashing their cameras at you and bombarding you with questions as you make your way to the Ferrari garage and mechanics steal Ollie from you and David as they set to work quickly. David looks pale and sick as he paces into the garage trying to control his nerves through the FP3 and the Quali. When Ollie finally got off the car when he scored the 11th place, missing Q2 only by 3 hundreds of a second, you knew that this was it. He was finally shining like the bright star he was. He had done more than enough, his raw talent showing with barely one hour to get used to the car. And as mechanics and reporters closed around him. You couldn't help but feel like you didn't belong here. Where did you fit in? The reality hit you and it hit you hard. You hid in the back corners of the garage, eyes glued to the screen as everyone passed by without acknowledging you. You would happily hide in the shadows where he shined but this world wasn't meant for you. The anxiety was picking up at you, eating you alive from the inside.
And when Ollie got too close to the wall, your heart stopped beating. He was driving a car that was twice as fast and twice as dangerous than his normal F2 car. It was too much. The sound, the danger, everything really. Breathing suddenly seemed so hard and you needed a way out. As you hide behind the garage you call the one person who could understand. Terri picks up in the second ring her soft voice already calming you.
“Hey love. Is everything alright?”
“How do you do it? How can you stand back and do nothing?”
“You love him, don't you sweetheart?”
“I thought it was obvious.”
“Well … no I always hoped but… whatever the case, to answer your question you simply do it, you just have to. A driver needs his support system and you are it for him. You are his forever person, whether that is romantically or not. He needs to be near you and as much nervous as you are, so is he. Without you he would be lost, believe me I know my son. And I can bet you that as much as your heart breaks right now, you are also immensely proud.”
“Of course I am. But where do I fit in, in this world.”
“Right beside him, love.”
“Thanks Terri. Please call David. I think he is losing his mind and he is sick with worry.” You say chuckling before saying your goodbyes and head back towards the garage. The session is already over and Ollie is nowhere in sight.
Ollie plays with the power button of his phone trying to calm down but to no avail. The lock screen is a photo of the two of you. It was last summer both your skins flushed and hair slightly wet and tangled. You both smile at the camera and your eyes look bright with happiness. He feels slightly lighter but he knows that there is an impending panic attack and so he turns to the one person who could help him in this situation.
"I got your text," you say, tiptoeing inside and shutting the door behind you, careful to not make any loud sounds to scare him. "How are you doing?”
Ollie is sitting on a massaging table, elbows on top of his legs and head resting in his hands. His eyes are stuck on the floor, his silence is defeaning. When he still doesn't answer, your heart rate picks up. Is something really wrong?
You make your way over to him, hands finding his cheeks and softly tilting him up to look at you – and you swear you've never seen him look this wrecked before. Not after his worst crashes, not when he lost the rookie championship last year, not when he was cheated out from the Formula 3 championship. Once again, you've entered completely new territory, and your heart breaks at the sight.
"Ollie, talk to me," you plead, holding back the tears that starts to form on your eyes and threatento spill. It's so painful to look into his eyes, but you can't back down. Not now, not when he needs you this much.
"I'm-" his voice cracks but he shakes his head, clearing his throat. "I'm so nervous, I don't know what to do."
It's like he's oozing anxiety, and his heavy sigh is like a stab in your chest. Ollie, your usually so calm and collected best friend is probably going crazy over this – you know him well enough by now to understand that he's definitely freaking out even more on the inside than what he shows or tells. He is a messy jumble of nerves.
"I get that. One hundred per cent. But.." your thumbs begin to stroke over the skin of his cheeks, along his jaw, and then finally across his eyebrows, to which his eyes flutter closed. "This is your dream. It's been your dream since forever, and now you finally have the chance.”
"And it's not just any car, it's a Ferrari. Do you realize how cool that is? Do you realize how many people would kill for an opportunity like this?" You smile at the sight of him with his eyes still shut, eyelashes resting atop his cheeks, messy fringe covering his forehead. Even like this, at his most stressed state, he's completely gorgeous, not that you would ever tell him that. "You would've killed for an opportunity like this just 24 hours ago."
"But what if I ruin it?" His voice is barely above a whisper when he speaks, shoulders slumping forward. "What if I go out there and I'm shit, and then they realize what a big mistake they've made by even putting me in the academy? What if-"
"It won't happen." His eyelids slowly open and he looks up at you, seemingly not even the slightest upset that you cut him off. "You're too good to do that. You'll get in that car and it will feel like your second home, just like it always does."
Finally, a small smile makes its way onto his lips. It's only been a few minutes since you came in, but he seems much more relaxed now, leaning into your touch completely. "I'll try my best to make you proud."
“I'm always proud of you, you mufflehead.”
A laugh bubbles from his chest and he stands up from the table, opening his arms wide and pulling you in for a tight hug. His heart is still beating louder than a drum in his chest when your ear is pressed up against it, and you're almost worried it will jump out any second now. But his breaths are much more controlled now, and his mind seems much lighter. And soon enough his heartbeat slows to normal.
“I bet that in twenty four hours not only will you finish the race, you will score points and beat Max Verstappen.”
“Let's not get ahead of ourselves” he says chuckling. “God, my neck is killing me.”
“Sit down. I've got you.” And so you start massaging his neck. It's stiff and hard under your hands and he lets a small groan as you untangle one of the knots that were quite painful. After a few minutes he is putty in your hands, his eyes closed, trusting you completely and feeling at ease for the first time in the past two days.
True to your world, Ollie crosses the finish line in seventh place, having gained points in his debut. But the one thing that kept him calm through the process was the thought that she was waiting for him in the cool down room. When the race finishes and drives the car back home he jumps from his seat and he can't get fast enough to her. People around him are praising him and congratulating him but they all fall to deaf eyes.
When he finally gets into the room to change into new fireproofs, she is patiently waiting for him. Her eyes are a little misty and her face flushed.
“I told you.”
“I didn't beat Max.”
“Still.”
She closes in on him and her hands are thrown around his neck, he reciprocates the hug immediately as his heart beat finally slows down. They doth draw away after a while only for him to dive back into her and kiss her firmly on the lips. Shock petrifies her and when he stops, he places his forehead on top of hers. He is a flustered mess and he is mumbling apologies, before she reconnects their lips.
For the following hours Ollie sports a shit-eating grin on his face. Everyone thinks that it is because of his amazing performance and not for kissing the girl that held his heart captive since they were five years old.
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lacrimosathedark · 3 months
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Bat-Family Nicknames and Insults
So I went off the other day because fans keep having people who aren't Roy Harper call Jason Todd "Jaybird" and now I'm thinking about all the other nickname misconceptions so here's a probably non-comprehensive list of nicknames among the Bat Fam.
(Special thanks to @sohotthateveryonedied for a bunch of my data, she made a whole powerpoint with actual comic panels! Go check that out! Also got some info from @kiragecko who was writing some lists with more specific references.)
This list is an active document and will be edited in the event I find more nicknames or have more to say
Addendum note: I'm more than willing to add something I forgot, but you must have receipts. I'm not just going off of memory. Nothing will be added to this list without proof. If you don't have a source, please don't make a suggestion.
This is aside from assorted common insults and nicknames like jerk, ass, shorty, dude, idiot, etc.. Sidenote, every not-Steph Robin has been called “Little Bird”, “Birdboy” and/or “Wonder Boy” at some point. It’s kinda part of the job lol Secondary side-note, the only ones who REALLY use nicknames for people are Barbara and Jason. And Tim specifically in reference to Damian. Everyone else pretty much uses their names 98% of the time. Final note (sorryyyyyy) generally unless they're funny to me, I'm not including things used only once unless I have gotten vibes that it's a trend. This is an attempt to compile recurring nicknames. So ones noted to be used once are either I can only confirm it happened once but could happen multiple times, or I think it's hilarious.
Alfred Pennyworth
Al/Alf Seems to be a common nickname among the boys.
Alfie Dick, Tim, and Jason have all called him this.
Alfredo Jason called him this at least once and I think that’s funny. Not sure it’s exclusive though.
Mom Dick seems to have referred to him as such once…I’m sorry but that’s so funny.
Alfred also has specific ways of referring to everyone: Bruce: Master Bruce, Mister Wayne, Lad, Bruce, My Son Barbara: Mistress Barbara, Miss Barbara, Miss Gordon, Miss Oracle Dick: Master Dick, Master Richard, Master Grayson, Dear Boy, Young Sir, Young Man, Richard, Dick Cassandra: Miss Cassandra, Young Cassandra, My Dear Jason: Master Jason, Young Sir, Lad, Jason Tim: Master Tim, Master Timothy, Young Master Tim, Lad, Young Sir, Young Man, Timothy, Tim Damian: Master Damian, Young Master Damian, Young Sir, Young Man, Son, Damian
Bruce Wayne
Spooky Oliver Queen calls him this, others might as well but I legitimately have no idea.
Batsy Everyone and their goddamn dog, but Joker uses this notably a lot.
Detective RA'S AL GHUL EXCLUSIVE. I think? But this is how Ra's generally refers to Bruce.
B-Man HARLEY QUINN EXCLUSIVE...I think. She calls him this a lot though.
While Dick and Jason will internally think of Bruce as their father, Dick rarely says so and extremely rarely calls him “Dad”. Jason would only say so mockingly or under pain of a second death. Tim rarely even thinks of Bruce as his father (he didn’t become Robin to be Bruce’s kid, and he doesn’t want to replace his own father—much the same way Dana didn’t replace Janet) and never refers to him as such outside of WE work (where he very much uses that to his advantage). Damian almost exclusively refers to Bruce as “Father” but has called him "Dad". Steph sometimes calls him “Boss”. Everyone usually calls him "Bruce".
He refers to ALL of the boys as “chum” and “lad” at some point. It’s just how he used to talk honestly. He DOES NOT call them “sweetie” or “honey” or anything like that. He DOES, however, speak to small children this way. There are multiple instances of him using "sweetheart" and similar terms when dealing with young children. This differentiation I think is for two reasons. One, Bruce is emotionally stunted and being open with anyone outside of actively comforting is difficult for him, and two, the youngest child he has ever had himself was 9 years old so he's never had a small child he'd be likely more inclined to be extra super soft with.
Barbara Gordon
Babs Most people call her this. Bruce doesn’t seem to though, oddly enough.
Babsy/Babsie Both Dick and Jim Gordon have called her this. Very cute.
Barb/Barbie Nearly exclusive to Jason Todd, actually. I think her dad calls her this once in a while, but specifically Jason calls her this.
Babes A few of her friends call her this, but mostly Luke Fox when they were dating.
Red A few people call her this, but mostly Jason and not real often. Probably cuz we already have a red-head often referred to as “Red” (Pam Isely by Harley) and as to not be confused with the other two Reds in the family (Red Hood and Red Robin).
The High Priestess of Tech More of a reference than a nickname, but I think it’s funny. Dick referred to her as such.
O For Oracle!
Dick Grayson Exclusives because Boyfriend Baby Love Beautiful
Richard Grayson
Dick Everyone calls him this. Almost no one calls him Richard.
Dickie His parents also called him this, along with other people who knew him from Haly’s Circus, but otherwise it’s mostly just Jason.
Dickster I…hate that this is canon lmao. Dick has thought this one in his inner monologue, but Jason has also said it at least once. It’s…Something.
Circus Boy Common insult, Jason uses it a few times.
Tight Ass No comment.
Rob Kinda rare for him and more a Tim thing, but his Titans team call him this sometimes. I specifically remember Wally doing so, and Roy too I think.
Boy Wonderful Not marking this as exclusive because Babs probably used it at one point but, shockingly (or not) this comes from Wally West! Wally has also called his Titans team as a group “Dear Hearts” at least once which is just so fucking cute. Neeeeeerd.
Kid Not exclusive to him, but consistently called this by Slade Wilson/Deathstroke over most anything else.
Marcia TIM DRAKE EXCLUSIVE. A joke between him and Tim, assigning each Bat-boy a Brady Bunch member.
Little Robin MARY GRAYSON EXCLUSIVE. This is where the hero name Robin came from; Dick’s mom used to call him this.
Dickie-Bird JASON TODD EXCLUSIVE. Jason calls Dick this a lot during his weird appearances in Nightwing that I pretend never happened because it was weird and dumb. But it is a canonical nickname. And it’s funny.
Amy Rohrbach Exclusives because Partner Rookie Stud Cowboy Sherlock Mr. Confident
Barbara Gordon Exclusives because Girlfriend (and because she’s funny) Flatterer Boyfriend The Brightest, Sweetest, Most Handsome, Wealthiest Young Bachelor on the Entire East Coast Buckaroo Bucko Candy-Gram Darling Lover Love Hunk Wonder Man Wonder Hound Wonder Former Teen Wonder Twenty Something Wonder Blue Wonder Poor Lovable Naïve Dope Pixie Boots
Cassandra Cain
Cass Pretty much everyone calls her this.
Cassie Some people call her this, specifically the people closest to her; Stephanie, Tim, Barbara, Bruce, and Duke. It’s generally used sparingly, especially considering Tim is close to ANOTHER Cassandra who goes by “Cassie” almost exclusively, so Cass is generally preferred to avoid confusion. But Cassie is tossed around.
Batghoul Possibly Stephanie Brown exclusive, though easy enough that I wouldn’t be surprised if others called her that. She is notoriously spooky.
Bat-Babe KON-EL/CONNER KENT EXCLUSIVE. These two are actually good friends and dated for a short time. They’re very cute. And they met at the time Kon was just…Like That.
Jason Todd
Jay Literally everyone calls him this sometimes. It’s a common nickname.
Jace/Jase Also pretty common, but seems to mostly be among family. Dick and Bruce have at least both called him this.
The Toddster Was called such by Danny Chase, implying they were friends somehow? (Jason didn't have many Titans missions so idk how they were close enough for him to call him that). He calls him that when he discovers Jason’s status in the system is “unknown”, leading him to find out he’s dead.
Rojo Referred to himself as this once while he was still a crime boss, so presumably some of his gang called him this too. Obviously Spanish for red because Red Hood.
Little Bird Possibly exclusive to Barbara Gordon, she called him this in a flashback.
Jan That Dick and Tim Brady Bunch joke. Just imagine one of them looking Jason dead in the eye and saying “Sure, Jan.”
Little Wing DICK GRAYSON EXCLUSIVE. Called Robin Jason this in Nightwing Year 1 and it’s very cute.
Jaybird ROY HARPER EXCLUSIVE. The reason I’m making this post because no one seems to remember that Roy and only Roy has ever called Jason this. But any time these two appear together, it’s usually said at least once.
Stephanie Brown
Steph Pretty much everyone calls her this at one point.
Stephie A few people if I recall, but I know Tim’s called her that.
Blondie Pretty sure a few people call her this, but notably Harper Row.
Damian Wayne Exclusives because He Was A Brat Wench Fatgirl Girl Blunder
Timothy Drake
Tim Everyone to the point where it’s just his name.
Timmy A lot of people call him this pretty teasingly. Dick, Jason, and Babs do it consistently, but that’s older siblings for ya. Bernard has done it too.
Timbo Dick and Jason as well as his friend Ives have called Tim this at the very least. Tim notably doesn't seem to like it, though he has used it himself in a derogatory way in his inner monologue.
Timbers I’ve only ever seen Jason call him this, but I could be missing things. Would not be surprised if Dick did too, but it’s very Jason.
Rob Most of Young Justice called him that up until he revealed his name (which took a while because Bruce was being controlling and overprotective, as he does). Short for “Robin”, obviously, which is all they knew him as.
My Robin I’m pretty sure each member of Young Justice has said this about Tim, though Conner does it the most and has the biggest negative reaction to literally anyone but Tim being Robin.
Cindy DICK GRAYSON EXCLUSIVE. It’s that Brady Bunch joke again!
Little Brother DICK GRAYSON EXCLUSIVE. I didn't originally include it because it had the same vibes as like "dude" or "jerk"; something that's easily tossed around, y'know? And it feels like a descriptor, but it is actually used as a title/nickname several times, especially when Dick is messing with Tim.
Pretender JASON TODD EXCLUSIVE. Though it should be noted, he only directly called him this one time. Aside from that, he more refers to Tim as A pretender, not as like a nickname or title. It’s a description. (like “replacement” was but fandom made that a nickname yes I am in fact bitter)
Duckboy HARLEY QUINN EXCLUSIVE. She says this once, but it’s hilarious so I’m keeping it.
Detective RA’S AL GHUL EXCLUSIVE. Ra’s is very particular about titles. The only other person he refers to as “Detective” is Bruce, and Dick one time in his internal monologue, so he is acknowledging Tim’s competence. And then proceeds to get a large portion of his resources obliterated by Tim <3
Stephanie Brown Exclusives because Girlfriend Sweetie Muffin Boy Virgin
Duke Thomas
Narrows Almost Jason exclusively, though I think Harper has called him this once or twice. In reference to the neighborhood he grew up in, as opposed to Jason and Harper's Park Row aka Crime Alley upbringing.
Newbie Jason calls him this frequently, though it's likely the others have too.
Baby Bird ELAINE THOMAS EXCLUSIVE. Yeah, surprisingly Duke is actually called this by his mom.
Damian Wayne
Gremlin Mostly exclusive to Tim, but Jason has called him this too. This also seems to be Tim’s go-to for Damian when not using his name or codename.
Dami Used by Jon Kent and Talia al Ghul, so presumably those closest to him.
Little D I think Barbara Gordon exclusive but I’m not sure.
Cousin Oliver Not said to his face to my knowledge, but the Brady Bunch in-joke between Dick and Tim.
Prince/Your Highness (other royal variations) A common way to mock Damian for his haughty air and stuck-up attitude. More common in the past because Damian was The Worst and never shut up about being the heir to Batman and the Demon's Head. He's grown a lot since then and this kind of joke is used less. He is still pretty snooty though.
D JON KENT EXCLUSIVE. I have yet to see anyone else call him this at least, and this is how Jon almost always refers to him.
Baby Bird TALIA AL GHUL EXCLUSIVE. I’ve seen her call him this once, and I don’t recall ever seeing anyone else call him this. Just wanted it known that Talia is the only one to call Damian this.
Tim Drake Exclusives because Tim is Petty and Damian was a Brat Little Monster Hobbit Homunculus Little snot Spoiled, vicious and homicidal little punk Heir to the Kingdom of the Damned
Note on how Damian refers to others: Damian usually uses full first names or surnames, depending on circumstance and closeness. He occasionally calls Dick “Dick” or “Richard”, but often calls him “Grayson”. He almost always refers to Tim as “Drake”, but occasionally as “Timothy”.
Fanon names that I dislike
Replacement Jason never once calls Tim this, and refers to Tim as A replacement about as much as Dick did about Jason (Yes Dick has at least once when talking to Bruce referred to Jason as his replacement). How common it is in this fandom to call Tim "Replacement" (with a capital R like it's a name or title!!!) drives me absolutely insane. It's not canon and tbh you can do better. Hell, "pretender" is right there! And Jason's a nerd, he would do better.
Baby Bird Like…it’s cute, but given it’s used in fanon almost exclusively for Tim, and POST DAMIAN, it just feels infantalizing. Especially when the only canon uses are mothers towards their kids. I see this a lot with Dick and Jason using it, which is...just no. Like, Dick, I get it, but he's more likely to call Tim "Little Brother". Jason would never allow himself to be seen as this soft to Tim. If he were trying to be gentle with him, he'd probably call him "kid". He's done that before.
Baby Bat(s) I have seen this used literally twice. Once where a goon mockingly called Tim that, and once in an AU where Harley said it to Damian. "Baby Bat" isn't a thing. Sorry.
Big Bird More amusing than anything but a little annoying. No one ever calls Dick that in canon and whenever I read it all I can think of is Sesame Street so unless a giant yellow muppet bird is what you're going for, maybe don't do that lol
Demon Brat/Demon Spawn Not the most egregious thing, especially considering the numerous nicknames Tim comes up with, but the consistency of its usage in fanon is a little frustrating. This is never used in-canon, and if you want to use it in your fanworks, just maybe intersperse it with other more creative nicknames, yeah? It's just unoriginal at this point.
Jaylad I don’t hate this one, but it’s such a huge misconception that it’s canon. Bruce has said “Jay, lad” a couple times because he calls like every boy he meets “lad” and people made up “Jaylad”. Not the worst thing ever, but it's not canon.
Golden Boy I don't actually have a problem with this one, but I may as well clear up that this is canon as a descriptor but not as a nickname for Dick. Like calling Jason "the dead Robin". Like, people have said that about him in-canon, but they haven't called him that. The common derivative "Goldie" is entirely fanon.
Non-canon nicknames I think are funny
Dick-face/Dickhead I’m sorry, I find it hilarious whenever someone (usually Jason) in fanfic calls him this. It’s also to me just a silly exaggeration of the obvious joke that has been made at least once (but probably several times by now) in canon about someone being about to call Nightwing a dick and someone else reminding them not to use names in the field. I think it’s hilarious.
Timberly I can’t tell you why this specific deviation of Tim is funny to me but it is. And I'm surprised I haven't seen Jason call Tim this in canon.
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caitlynmeow · 2 months
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What is wife's nationality ?
And imagine this :
Wife goes to 10 year high-school reunion where a few people got engaged, fewer even got married and she arrives with her Romanian wife and already has two children maybe three.
I think she's American but she moved to Romania ages ago so it doesn't matter anymore
Ohh even better! She'd go with Cass who's already about six months pregnant and when old friends ask, wife proudly declares this is baby #2 like hell yeah we're way past the marriage stage we're down to second kid now. (they left Aurelia back in Romania because no one wants to fly with a one-year-old plus Alcina wants to have the kiddo all to herself while Cass and wife are traveling so it's a win-win).
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incorrectbatfam · 9 months
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Not sure if you've done this before, but how about the batfam as petty things they do to annoy their siblings? For example, walking into your room and leaving to door open, leaving only a bit of the leftovers so the next person has to wash the tupperware, borrowing their clothes without permission, etc.
Everyone: ...Happy birthday to you.
Dick: *goes to blow out his candles*
Jason: *blows them out first*
———————
Damian and Tim: *arguing*
Bruce: Tim's right, now both of you stop it.
Bruce: *turns around*
Tim: *sticks his tongue out at Damian*
Damian: Father, Drake is still taunting me.
Bruce: *turns back around*
Tim: *whistles innocently*
———————
Jason: *parks his car*
Dick: *jumps out of a bush and slaps a parking ticket on Jason's windshield*
Dick: That's for taking the marshmallows out of my Lucky Charms.
———————
[at a scholarship awards show]
Stephanie: Finally, I'd like to thank my family for supporting me all the way.
Tim: You can thank me by buying your own food for once in your life.
———————
Duke: That was a good workout. Now time for that smoothie I've been saving.
Cassandra: *slowly hides half-drunken smoothie behind her back*
———————
Damian, hitting the keyboard: Come on, you stupid thing!
Duke: Have you tried refreshing the page?
Damian: Yes and it didn't work.
Stephanie: Maybe you did it wrong.
Damian: What do you mean? It's refreshing a page. Only an idiot can mess it up.
Tim: Idiot says what.
Damian: What?
Tim: Now we know why it's not working.
———————
Cassandra: *bonks her head against Dick's*
Dick: What is it this time?
Cassandra: *points to his sandwich*
Dick: Fine, you can have a bite.
Cassandra: *eats half the sandwich in one bite*
———————
Duke: Stop doing that.
Stephanie: Doing what?
Duke: Not replacing the toilet paper if you finish the roll.
Stephanie: But there was still a square left.
———————
Dick: I'm gonna take a shower.
Jason: Not if I can help it.
Jason: *locks himself in the bathroom*
———————
Damian: I'm borrowing this.
Damian: *takes Tim's sweatshirt and leaves*
Tim: You know borrowing involves asking, right?
———————
Someone else: It must be nice having so many siblings looking out for you.
Dick: *flashbacks to when everyone collectively sat on him*
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