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brother-emperors · 9 months

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something. about. the horror of being sent on an impossible (death) quest and obligations and hospitality politics. the trauma of not having a home, and then the trauma of being in a house that becomes actively hostile to you, one that would swallow you whole and spit out your bones if you step out of line. all of this is conditional, your existence continues to be something men want gone.

it's about going back as far as I can with the perseus narrative because there's always a version of a myth that exists behind the one that survives. the missing pieces are clearly defined, but the oldest recorded version of it isn't there! and there's probably something older before that!! but it's doomed to forever be an unfilled space, clearly defined by an outline of something that was there and continues to be there in it's absence.

and love. it's also about love. even when you had nothing, you had love.

on the opposite side of the spectrum, this is Not About Ovid Or Roman-Renaissance Reception, Depictions And Discourses On The Perseus Narrative.

edit: to add to the above, while it's not about Ovid, because I'm specifically trying to peel things back to the oldest version of this story, Ovid is fine. alterations on the Perseus myth that give more attention Medusa predate Ovid by several centuries. this comic is also not about those, either! there are many versions of this story from the ancient world. there is not one singular True or Better version, they're all saying something.

Perseus, Daniel Ogden

Anthology of Classical Myth: Primary Sources in Translation, edited & translated by Stephen M Trzaskoma, R. Scott Smith, Stephen Brunet

#it's all greek to me #perseus #danae #komiks tag #long post #every other week i start to say something about how greek heroes are a good case study in diaspora and exile trauma #but man perseus makes me so sad. so does danae. she loves her son :(#perseus turning a whole island to stone is a huge mood. i would also do that if i were him #anyway (salutes) take care everyone i gotta watch yunho's new video it looks like a fucking movie im so excited #(i singled out ovid bc i remember the fucking shit perseus discourse that ran through this site. i remember #im preemptively loading a gun and pointing at it before it can touch this post #it hasn't died out either i see it on twitter all the time in the most ANNOYING ways possible i am TIRED #esp bc they're actually doing medusa a narrative disservice like congrats! you made it worse! stop telling me it's better!!!!)

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emomomortal · 17 days

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he can't read english

#transformers animated #tfa #tfa bumblebee #tfa sari sumdac #sari sumdac #tfa sari #what do you think she's trying to show him.#i think he'd like to read when he finds out he and sari can text each other #RAHHHH I HAVE MORE DOODLES BUT I'LL POST THEM LATERRRR #i gotta perform today..#i love bee and sari so much could you tell what gave it away

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stewyhosseini-bf · 11 months

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they are literally brothers that's his little brother man!!!!!! you don't get it!!!!!!

#long post #ok is this proof that connor likes kendall the most? no i guess #obviously this is being selective but i'm telling you watch all of those scenes and you will know what i mean #obviously he loves shiv and rome as well but the fact that kendall not only got the least votes but SO MUCH LESS than the other two #like no.. you guys don't get it he loves him :( that's his little bro!#also these are not all of them i could only fit 30 images. more in the reblog #obviously he loves shiv and rome but also shiv is like very very mean to him 99% of the time lmao. and roman's nicer than shiv #maybe but still not very nice. he still loves their ungrateful asses! but you can def see him being warmest towards kendall #in the way they just interact with each other idk. always hugging always patting him ... that's his little bro!#mostly i'm just mad over ppl so unanimously deciding it's not kendall . none of you get it >:(#connor roy #kendall roy #roy siblings

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melverie · 5 months

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Can I just say that I absolutely LOVE how ever since they all found out that MC is human and was brought here against their will, it was Lucifer who kept insisting that they shouldn't be the ones to trap MC in the Devildom. That whether they want to stay or not is a decision MC has to make themself and that the brothers should support them no matter what they end up choosing

And now that the moment is finally here, now that MC has confirmed that they indeed plan on heading home, and now that all of his brothers agreed on helping them get back, having forged a pact and lending their powers to do so—

Now that he knows that he's the final piece needed to send them back; that the lingering idea of the yet to be forged pact between them is what's stopping MC from potentially leaving their side for good, leaving his side for good—

Now that they have finally gotten to this point, he realizes something. And he's unable to live with it

And so, he goes back on his word.

He's taking that choice from them.

"I don't want to."

Lucifer's pride is what keeps his voice leveled and neutral, as if it were just another day. As if he everything was completely fine. As if he didn't feel this pain in his heart, almost as if someone had rammed a dagger through his chest over and over and over again

To most people, he'd appear to be in perfect control of his emotions—if only his gaze wouldn't completely obliterated that frail façade of his. The way his beautiful dark eyes shimmering with a hint of blood red silently plead, beg MC to stay...

Internally, he is breaking apart because he knows what he is doing isn't right. He knows that he shouldn't trap them like a bird in a cage, and yet he can't help himself. Not in this situation. Not when it comes to MC

'No'

He—Lucifer, Avatar of Pride himself—is the last thing trapping the very person that finally made him realize what his sister had meant forever ago

'I won't let you go'

How one day, someone would stumble their way into his life, and how he'd love them so wholeheartedly and so deeply that everything else would become trivial as long as he'd get to hold them in his arms

'I can't let you go'

Someone that he'd happily throw away everything for, not even considering any alternatives if only for the shred of a chance at just one last tomorrow with them

'Please stay with us. Please stay with me'

Everything.

'I cannot lose you, MC'

Even if they'll never forgive him for it.

"I'm not going to forge a pact with MC."

#obey me nightbringer lesson 34 spoilers #slipped into writing mode at some point whoops #this was such a small moment but i love it so much #it does so much for his character even tho you don't realize it at first #tho ngl his “i don't wanna >:(” kinda makes him sound like a 5yo SDJDAKFLHSLGHSD #it's okay luci we love you anyway <3 (lass mich in meine zeit zurück du hu--)#anyway i already mentioned this in the post but the way he kept his expression neutral?#THE WAY HE KEPT HIS EXPRESSION PREFECTLY NEUTRAL?!?!?!??!!?#you just know he was BREAKING APART inside #i swear sometimes i'm so soft for him #anyway can you tell i have a lot of emotions rn HSDJAKFLHSHGSG #obey me spoilers #obey me nightbringer spoilers #obey me lesson 34 spoilers #obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me nightbringer lesson 34 #obey me lesson 34 #;mel's main story disscetion #;mel's analyses

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overtake · 22 days

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“a sexual awakening so intense it registered on the richter scale” is the single best and most accurate description I have ever heard.

pov: you're 16 years old and doing the final test for your super license ahead of joining f1 as the youngest ever driver. you expect the doubt and hate, and you know you can prove on track why you deserve to be there once you actually get in a car, but until then, you just have to be the subject of everyone's headlines and criticism for a factor you can't control.

then this guy comes along.

race winner who got himself to a top team and is beating his world champion teammate, a cool older handsome charismatic guy with a giant smile and big brown eyes, beloved and kind while still being fiercely talented, competitive, and hungry? the guy who you met in 2011 and who gave you the time of day before you were old enough to sniff at the f1 grid. he's not even going to be your actual teammate (yet), but he still takes the time to tell you he's looking forward to seeing you on the grid when so much of what you've heard is nonstop criticism.

he tells you good luck for your super license with a big grin meant just for you

and this is how it makes you feel.

this is live footage of daniel ricciardo becoming a permanent fixture in max's spank bank. it's one of those foundational crushes you have at a young age that sticks with you for life and unconsciously affects "your type" forever and never truly goes away.

also, i just think everyone should hear the way max very softly says "he's a really nice guy, yeah" with so much affection packed into every word.

how are you not to psychosexually imprint on him? one look at that video and max was ready to risk it all. he's been metaphorically tucking his hair, kicking his feet, and giggling since day one. he found a guy who he could race hard, who would challenge him on track, but who would still make the miserable pr days better for them, who was always laughing at max's jokes every time he did his little glance over to ensure it landed. max is so fiercely loyal to his people, and daniel has clearly earned that trust.

tldr: max verstappen is number one dirlie and if he were on f1blr, he would be writing long posts with onboards, data, and that ☝️🤓 attitude of his explaining in detail why everyone is wrong about daniel, and i hope it haunts all the max fans who get their rocks off to calling daniel a washed asshole loser that max's porn folder is daniel late braking compilations.

#ask #this got long. sorry. i also took a 5 minute crying break over old videos of daniel.#my exams start in a week and this is what i'm doing #anyway #OBVIOUSLY i don't think you have to like daniel ricciardo in order to love max.#but it's perplexing to me that people can look at someone who makes max so visibly happy #and dedicate their entire life to obsessively hate-posting about him.#move on! ignore him!#i couldn't tell you anything about a driver i hate's race besides the basic race coverage #because i don't dig into every facet of it to feed an pathological hatred.#i definitely couldn't tell you things about their personal life/anything what they've been up to/recent quotes/etc #because i just see them and scroll. wish others had that ability.#maxiel

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aspiringhorrorauthor · 2 years

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As is tradition with Dracula Daily, let me give you today’s Cultural Lesson Based On Today’s Entry. Let’s talk about money.

See, if you’re thinking Dracula and the characters are handling what we see today as British money, don’t be fooled! Dracula is set in the 1890s, and they use an entirely different money system to what we use now, it just seems on the surface that it’s the same.

For context, if you didn’t know, Britain uses pounds (£) and pence (p) as the currency now, with 100p to £1. This is called decimalisation, and has been in practice since the 1970s. Before then, we were the last country in the world to still use the Roman monetary system.

In the Victorian era, there were 3 used measurements of currency: Pounds (L), Shillings (s) and pence (d), which was written in that order: l.s.d, so a sink in a shop may list the price as 1.7.2, which would be 1 pound, 7 shillings and 2 pence.

Now lets break those down a little more. There are 240 pennies to the pound, and 12 pence to the shilling. That makes 20 shillings to the pound. Most working class laborers would be using shillings as their highest coin in day-to-day living. You could get a pint of beer for a couple of pence. A pound was an incredible amount of money to your average person (maybe less so to the fancy characters of Dracula).

But I want to talk about the coins.

See, a penny was not the lowest coin in circulation. That was a farthing, which was worth ¼ (a quarter) of a penny. Then next was a half penny (or ha’penny if you prefer). Of course there was the penny. Then there was a two pence (tuppence) and a three pence (thrupence) piece. Then you had your half shilling (sixpence, pronounced more like sixpunce, with a ‘u’ rather than an ‘e’), and the shilling itself (twelve pence, remember? Also known colloquially as ‘bob’). Then you had the florin, which was 2 shillings exactly (24 pence). From there you had your half crown, which was worth 2 shillings and six pence, for a total of 30 pence (though you’d never call it that), and then a crown, which was 5 shillings. From there the next step is the half-sovereign, worth half a pound (120 pence, or 10 shillings), and finally the gold sovereign coin, worth £1, or 240 pennys, or 20 shillings.

Yes, that’s genuinely the method of money these characters are using. Some old people insist it was easier than the current system.

Here’s some more fun money facts in case they come up later!

A guinea is a pound and a shilling (1.1.0, or 252 pence), and was used to make things seem a little cheaper to wealthy buyers. It’s used from time to time in Victorian books so it’s worth knowing.

The correct way to read out prices is ‘[x] and [y]’, so say you were selling something and wanted a shilling and fivepence for it, you’d ask for “1 and 5”. This is often used for the stereotypical cost of a half a crown, so when someone in a period drama asks for “2 and 6”, what they’re asking for is 2 shillings and sixpence.

There is a fairly obscure coin that I’m not sure was in circulation at this time which was nicknamed ‘The Barmaid’s grief’, it was only used for a few years. This was worth 4 shillings and was the same shape and (very nearly) size as a crown (5 shillings). So people would buy a pint of beer, the barmaid would pick up the coin in a hurry and not realise that it wasn’t a crown, and give 4 shillings back along with change from a shilling for the beer. So people made money from buying beer. It was not a good time to be a barmaid.

#Dracula daily #money #british money #Yes I also laughed when i found out old british money was written as Lsd #For someone who is not all that interested in coin collecting I love knowing about the old coins!#My dad was a bairn when they changed the coins around. His dad used to keep the old coins for him from the shop and give out the new coinage #Some people of a certain age get the value of shillings mixed up because post decimilsation a shilling could still be used and was worth 5p.#I worked as a social historian for one summer can you tell? I was paid £8.75 an hour to tell people this. So you guys owe me like £3.50 #For my work here.

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corundumyuri · 1 month

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i saw this caption on instagram and immediately had to make a version with him 🤍

#good omens #aziraphale #meme #he is my babygirl #i love him so much #can you tell i made this with only photos i already had in my camera roll #my posts

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zivazivc · 26 days

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guess who

I've seen a few artists I like making human art and I got inspired to make my own.

First version was based just on their character designs and personality, and what inspired their look in the first place. Second version happened when I took into account their backstory and what I imagine human versions of their parents' would look like. I don't consider either of these "canon", because to me they're just trolls but it was a fun experiment to try.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming of me drawing little colorful dolls

#my dumbasses 🫶#ex bandmates #trolls oc #hed #les #dreamworks trolls #trolls #human trolls #my art #Trolls genres are weird and even though I can see them kind of as different human races (along other things)#I don't think you can compare them with real world races/nationalities.#As in I don't think you can point at a troll genre and say it's the equivalent of x race.#For me it varies from troll to troll even between trolls who are related.#So making a 'perfect' human version of these two brothers started feeling more and more like #like a mission impossible the more time I spent on this...#So these drawings are just two attempts #and I wanted to share.#also on a different note #the first les's hair is supposed to look pretty greasy. can anyone tell? (bc a friend said they can't see it)#and i feel like the first hed doesn't fit stylistically with the rest #probs because i drew him first. after not drawing a human for like 4 months (such is the life of a troll obsessor)#but i do love how he looks so i didn't want to go in and redraw him #also i don't have any more motivation for this and i just keep focusing on and picking at lil details #so i'm posting to get it off my hands :P

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jemmo · 3 months

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Making sense of love for love's sake: the game

Despite all the things i absolutely adore about how the plot unravels and expands in love by love's sake, upon first watch, there's some things i couldn't piece together, which @lurkingshan echoes in their post:

'The way the author was messing with Myungha and forcing cruel choices on him really does not track with a desire to help him find happiness.'

And to preface, this is not something i fully get yet either. I think i'll need a good month and a sizeable reading list of relevant resources to understand just what/who this author/sunbae is and what his role is and how he is associated with myungha. But as always with the best shows for meta (aka bad buddy), as a plot unfolds, you can always find a better understanding by looking backwards and re-contextualising what you've already seen. so i watched ep 1, specifically the scene between myungha and his sunbae at the bar. And i will talk about how everything said in this scene has a whole new meaning now we know the full story, but for now i wanna focus on that question that they keep coming back to; "Then... will you change it for him?".

When you watch the show for the first time, your brain follows the simplest, most obvious version of the story you're being told, one where myungha has been pulled into the world of his sunbae's novel that's being turned into a game and given the opportunity to fix the thing he didn't like about it; making yeowoon happy, and thus you just think the rules of the game are imposed by the author, and so when these cruel choices first come up, you see them as the difficult roadblocks that are nevertheless necessary to any kind of game, forcing the player to make an impossible choice so that the game can continue in a certain direction and its only after that you learn whether it was the right choice or not, or there is no right choice, it simply changes the game you are playing.

And when its revealed what this game actually is, at first i tried to interpret these cruel choices, namely the choice between yeonwoon and myungha's grandma, and at best i could come up with the concept of this being a choice between staying stuck to the past aka choosing his grandma, even though he knows that choice doesn't mean she's safe bc he knows the future where he loses here, its an inevitability, but thats the small happiness he knew before it was taken away and thus that happiness is known and safe, theres no risk, versus choosing to pursue a new happiness, a love of yeowoon and thus himself, which he doesn't know, he hasn't experienced yet, and could be risky. Its a happiness that isn't guaranteed like his grandma, but its a happiness that looks to the future and has hope in it that he can find a new happiness to pursue despite what has happened in his past.

And that fits nice, okayish. But then i watched ep 1 and heard that question "Then... will you change it for him?" And watching through the rest of the eps, we come back to this scene at the bar and each time we get a new run up to the author asking this question, either new dialogue is added or we hear a different piece of the conversation entirely. It starts at the beginning of ep 1 as:

"Because Cha Yeowoon is the only one who's miserable." "It can't be helped that some people's lives are like that" "The fact that some people are destined to live that kind of life is what's vile."

Then a bit later in ep 1 we go back and its expanded.

"It can't be helped that some people's lives are like that" "The fact that some people are destined to live that kind of life is what's vile." "Why? Do you think you'd write it differently?" "Yes, definately. Someone like Cha Yeowoon, or someone like me with an awful life, can also be happy."

And then all the way on in ep 6, we get this new dialogue.

"I don't like talking about destiny." "Why?" "Because it means everything is predestined." "Then do you not believe in fate?" "Fate and destiny are the same. My grandma likes to say that. She said life is like a written book, and how you'll live and die are written in it. (...)I don't like things like this. Even if fate is already destined, I think it can still be changed. Otherwise, there's no point in trying." "Really? Then Myungha..."

And while we don't hear the author ask the same question, I feel like him getting cut off like that insinuates that the conversation leads to that same ending point. All that is to say, every time we hear this question being asked, its like we learn more and more about what this whole thing is, what the game is, what myungha is saying he will do by agreeing to do what the author asks. And every time, we see myungha being more defiant against the idea of yeowoon being resigned to his miserable ending. He starts off thinking that kind of life is destined, and while it's miserable, its not something he can fight. Then he says he'd want to write the story differently, bc yeowoon, or even him, could be happy. He challenges the idea that yeowoon, and thus himself, is fated to be miserable, and opens up the possibility for happiness for them both, but doesn't yet have the means or resolve to do it, its like he knows its possible on a fundamental level, but doesn't see it as something he can actually achieve. But then we circle back to the idea of destiny and books, both of which came up in the previous quote, and seems incredibly pertinent seen as this whole thing is about a novel this author has written. Myungha talks about how he hates the idea that life is a book where everything written is predestined to happen, from the moment you live to the moment you die. He says "Even if fate is already destined, I think it can still be changed. Otherwise, there's no point in trying." That vile way of life he described before that he said was destined, he is now saying it can be changed, and that possibility is now something he's holding onto, its what he sees hope in so that he can keep trying, bc now he finally is trying, he has the resolve, he's trying to realise this thing, this impossibility of rewriting the life he thought was destined through the way he loves yeowoon.

And coming back to those cruel choices, given this fresh context, it made me think. bc this isn't actually a game that myungha has been put into where the rules are dictated by an author completely separate from him. He said himself, he'd rewrite it, he'd change things for yeowoon. And when you start to think of it less as him fighting against a rigid, removed system and more like him being a character in a story he is trying to rewrite himself, that has both the author and his own limitations, or just his own if you're in the school of thought that the author is some figment or part of myungha himself or his conciousness, then you can start to see where these cruel choices might come from. They could be myungha, the author making edits to this new story, imposing his own doubts and limitations on himself. When he says he has to pick between Yeowoon and his grandma, what if that's the new author myungha seeing this story unfold and thinking no this isn't right, he can't have it all, i'm not deserving of this much happiness.

And what makes me like this idea even more is that when we get that second choice between ending after 14 days or getting 100 days back at the cost of resetting Yeowoon's affection to 0, that whole conversation happens in what I think the bar actually is which is this frozen moment in time where myungha is in the water with this extension of a voice in his head that is talking through these things. That conversation in itself needs its own post, but when you look at it both as a decision to break up or not or a decision to hold onto life or not, you can see how the author is just this soundboard relaying the decisions myungha is going through in his head. The author's voice is his own, weighing up his decisions. And if he is the author here, it only reinforces that the person making the rules of this game is him. You can even extend it further to the idea of the debuffs, where he puts in place this thing that makes it so he causes harm to yeowoon when he's around, and its only by garnering affection that he can prevent it. He gives himself a reason from the get go to stay away from yeowoon and reason it as him doing it for yeowoon's safety, when in fact the only way to make yeowoon safe is to increase his affection, which he can only do by being near him. Its a system that at first gives myungha a reason to stay away aka not like himself, but ultimately says the only way you're going to make yeowoon like you, or the only way you can like yourself, is if you accept risk. And that in itself screams to me of a myungha writing in these game systems that are trying to encourage his own-self love while falling at the hurdle of his own lack of self-worth.

The idea is still messy in my head even for me, but i just really like the idea that myungha could be trying to fix this thing both as a character and game master, and that both these versions of him have these flaws that manifest in their different ways to cause the events we see. It kinda is the definition of being your own worst enemy, the idea that in order to work towards loving yourself, the biggest obstacle you have to encounter is yourself, bc we are the ones holding ourselves back, making all these rules that make it harder to like ourselves and pursue our own happiness. The voices in our head telling us that we aren't good enough and aren't deserving are our own, and while the things that happen to us can inform what they say, we're the one's reinforcing those words. And what this show teaches us is that, if we're the one holding that pen all along, we can choose to change what those words are. If we make the rules, you don't have to create a game with concrete ultimatums, you can create a game where rules don't control you. Instead, you make the decisions, and you can make the ones that make you happy.

#wow look at me writing actual kinda thought out meta #also something something about how the pen being in his pocket wasnt a pen given to him by the author its a pen that was his the whole time #look even if this isnt the right interpretation as intended by the author i just kinda adore this headcanon ive come up with and i cant wai #to rewatch the show again through this lens and see if it holds up #i just adore the idea of this whole thing being this manifestation of a flawed doubtful person trying to navigate through their own messy #nonsensical thoughts to find their own happiness #bc yes thats what triggered me thinking of this whole thing. me seeing that post and thinking yeah that doesnt make sense7 #but then again when you tell yourself things an put your own mental blocks in the way they dont make sense either but you still have to fin #the ways to work around them in order to find happiness #like those things dont go away we just find the loopholes or the ways to overcome them that mean we can be happy #the game is your own mind - deal with your own existential crisis as you wish #anyway this is only part 1 in what i hope will be a very extensive meta analysis of this show - stay tuned #love for love's sake

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brittlebutch · 8 months

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one thing about me is i am Always thinking about entry #84 audition tape. alex's obvious excitement to start the auditions fading to restless nerves as no one shows up. lying when brian finally does show up, claiming other people did come to try and save face. the two of them joking around together. "caught in a loop of unhappiness". brian helping convince tim to audition too, probably bc he caught on to what had happened. the fact that present day tim cut the majority of his audition out of the entry upload bc he was embarrassed about it. the fact that brian was still carrying it around in his pockets despite everything. enough to drive one to madness, frankly.

#N posts stuff #marble hornets #alex sat alone in that room for EIGHT Hours oughhhhhhh #everyone clowns on him bc his script was not that good lmao but i do love it when there's old footage of him talking about it #bc even though it isn't good you can still Tell how stupid excited he was about the whole thing; how much He liked it #insane!! also the Pristine implications of the end of the tape - 'NOW the camera messes' up implying it's never happened before #and that the only thing that has changed about alex is the fact that he met tim.... biting and maiming #mh lb

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tallbisexualwantstobeloved · 3 months

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much love for including the fact that old man Alastor has zero idea of queer terminology

#also for him being a canonically asexual character<333 #(aroace actually so double good!)#can you tell hes my favourite #i love rosie so much as well. she slayed every scene shes in #hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel spoilers #1x7 #mine #(the post)

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stranger-fucking-danger · 2 months

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got some more bangers for yall

part two / part one / part three

#they live in my brain #can you tell that i love oliver more than live itself #hes so fucked up and weird and sad #i love him 🩷#saltburn #barry keoghan #oliver quick #cattonquick #felix catton #jacob elordi #text post

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fettuccin-e · 11 months

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Worth Saving

Description: Peter comes home one night tired and broken by the world he's trying to save. You take care of him.

(Tags: Peter Parker x Reader, gn!reader, no use of y/n, hurt/comfort, idk he deserves to be loved okay) -- w/c: 1.6K

A/N: OKAY this is a tad different from my usual work!! no smut lol but I really just wanted some good ol' hurt/comfort, and PETER DESERVES IT OKAY

Peter doesn’t knock on your window when he arrives. You see him as he swings up, face still masked, and lands on your windowsill.

He doesn’t tap, not like he usually does. You watch as his chest heaves, and he simply leans, pressing himself against the cold of the glass, unmoving.

“Peter?” You say, rushing forward to unlock and open the window. Peter doesn’t move, slumped against the frame. He breathes quietly, silent. He doesn’t look injured; there are no cuts on his suit, he’s not clutching onto anything that hurts. He just looks tired. Overwhelmingly tired.

Though you’ve seen it before, this quiet, exhausted side of Peter, it still concerns you, scares you a little bit, and you can’t help how your hands shake as you take his gloved hand. “Come inside, baby. We’ve got to get you cleaned up, okay?”

He nods slowly, still quiet, and holds your hand as he climbs through the window. You start your walk to the bathroom, guiding Peter behind you as he trudges slowly, silently, your fingers still laced together.

Peter stands silently as you run a washcloth under warm water, his back hunched, like he's trying to make himself as small as possible. Like he's trying to hide. From the world, from you, from himself. Your heart aches as you turn to face him.

“Can I take your mask off, honey?” you ask softly, bringing your hands up to cup his jaw. Peter nods wordlessly, and you don’t hesitate to tuck your fingers under the spandex, tugging it over his head. His face is sticky with sweat, but is thankfully free of any blood.

You smile at him, just a little bit, but Peter doesn’t smile back. He just stares at you, his gaze far-away. There are dark circles under his eyes, his pretty skin sallow and horribly devoid of color. “Oh, Peter,” you murmur, brushing a thumb across his cheek. He leans into your touch, just slightly, but the minute movement makes your heart swell.

You reach for the rag, warm and damp against your fingers, and bring it up to Peter’s face. “Is this okay, baby?” you say, and Peter doesn’t nod like you expect him. Instead, the smallest, “yes,” leaves his lips. It’s so pitiful and quiet compared to how Peter usually talks to you, but the fact that he’s brought himself to speak makes you want to shout with joy.

You smile widely at him, and your grin is even further rewarded with a small, momentary quirk of Peter’s lips. It disappears as quickly as it came, but it was there, a hint of the Peter you know and love.

You brush the cloth gently across Peter’s forehead, cleaning his skin of the dirt and sweat from keeping his city safe. Between his job and taking care of May and patrolling, you doubt that Peter’s slept more than three hours a night for two weeks now. You usually fall asleep as soon as you know that he’s arrived home from his patrol, but unlike Peter, you have the luxury of being able to take a nap the next day after work. Peter can barely eat half the time.

Peter’s gaze is vacant, staring at you with unseeing eyes as you clean the grime off his face. You lean up to press a gentle kiss against his cheek.

“Gonna take your suit off now, okay baby?” you whisper, and Peter nods his assent. You set the rag on the counter again, feeling for the zipper hidden at the back of his suit. You drag it down slowly, making sure the fabric doesn’t snag, until you meet the dip at the end of Peter’s spine. The suit slacks forward off his chest, hanging loosely off his tired body. He doesn’t make any move to slide it off his arms, still staring silently. He blinks slowly at you as you peel it off him, his body sticky underneath with sweat. The suit practically falls off of him, pooling at his feet.

A few bruises bloom along his ribs, but you take solace in the fact that there isn’t any of his blood, or anyone else’s. You won’t have to bite your lip as you stitch him up, cringing at Peter’s whimpers like you do other nights.

But the look in Peter’s eyes is still pained, still suffering as he stares at you, silent as a stone. He aches, broken and bloody down to his very core.

Sometimes, Peter wonders if there’s anything left for you to fix. He thinks that maybe the broken pieces of his soul have been ground to dust, slipping through his fingers as he tries to piece himself back together. For you. He wants to be whole, be better, for you.

Maybe it’s a lost cause, he thinks, maybe he doesn’t deserve to be saved.

Your soft hands skirt delicately over his skin, marking a path up his chest and over his shoulders and down his arms again, before you take his hands again, gently urging him to step forward away from the suit. You suppose that it’s a kind of armor, the kind that protects Peter’s identity from those who want to hurt him. But you curse the damned thing for not saving him from the real, physical hurt he endures night after night.

“Still okay, baby?” you murmur, raising his hands in yours to kiss his cracked knuckles. Peter doesn’t say anything, but he releases one of his hands from yours to cup your cheek, leaning down to brush a kiss against your hairline, which is better than any kind of answer he could have given you.

Damp cloth in your hand once again, you gently wipe the sweat off his skin, working your way down, down, until you’re kneeling in front of him, wiping slowly, deliberately down his legs.

It doesn't feel remotely sexual, not when Peter is curling in on himself, his eyes fluttering shut and flicking back open, trying to force himself awake. Tonight, Peter just needs to finally rest, moments that have been rare since his sophomore year of high school.

You stand again, slowly moving your way up his body. You scratch your nails against the planes of his skin, trying to give some kind of sensation to his numb body. Trying to make him feel again. You toss the rag into the sink carelessly, wiping your hands off on your pants.

“Let’s go to bed, Peter,” you say, and Peter responds with a rough, tired grunt of approval. He laces your fingers back together, making you smile as you lead him around back to your shared bed. You pull the covers down and wait by it, waiting for Peter to get in before you.

He stares blankly at you for a moment, not comprehending. You’re usually in bed before him on these nights, burrowed under the blanket until he climbs in with you, tugging your back to his chest. But you pat the mattress, commanding him wordlessly, and Peter can’t possibly disobey your gentle instruction.

The soft sheets feel like heaven on his achy skin as he slides into bed. You follow close behind him, pressing your front against his back, tugging up the blankets before winding your arms around his middle. He feels you tuck your face into the crook of his neck, pressing a gentle kiss to his skin.

“You want to talk about it, honey?” you ask, the soft lilt of your voice like music in his sensitive ears.

“Not really,” he mumbles, his voice soft and stifled, his throat feeling raw. “I’m-” he can feel his throat tightening, “I’m sorry, baby.”

“Peter, I have absolutely no idea what you could possibly be apologizing for.”

Peter chuckles dryly, and you peck him on the shoulder again as a reward, tugging him back closer to your body. “I’m sorry that I- that I came home to you like this. You shouldn’t have to take care of me like this. It’s- I’m supposed to take care of you, baby, I--”

“Peter,” you say, the loudest you’ve been all night. You unwind your arms from his waist, just a little bit, to sit up, leaning over to look at his face. His eyes are shiny with unshed tears, and your heart aches so horribly you fear it may tear apart inside you. You lean forward, pressing your lips softly to his in a chaste kiss. “My beautiful, perfect Peter,” you mumble against his lips. “You are the love of my life, you know that? And I am so- so proud to be with you. You’re everything to me, and I want to take care of you.” You lean back, pressing your forehead to his.

“You are not broken, Peter Parker. You are bruised, sure, but you are also strong, and loving, and the best man I have ever known. And I want- No, I need to take care of you. I need to make sure that you’re alright, because I couldn’t bear losing you. Do you hear me?”

Peter nods, his throat too tight to speak.

“I couldn’t survive it, Peter, if I lost you. I love you, I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything, so please. Just- just let me take care of you like you deserve, okay?”

A tear escapes unbidden down your cheek, and Peter raises his hand to wipe it away. “Okay, sweetheart. Okay. Hey, it’s okay. I’m okay.”

You nod, sniffing slightly as you settle behind him again. You keep your arms wound around him, plastering yourself to his back. Peter holds onto your hands, rubbing his thumb soothingly into the skin of your wrist.

“I love you so much, baby,” Peter murmurs into the quiet of the room. You nuzzle into the crook of his neck.

“I love you too, Peter, more than you’ll ever comprehend.”

Peter smiles, relishing in your warmth against his back, your hands on his stomach. It encases him, fills him up with warmth and love until he feels like he could choke on it.

Peter drifts to sleep slowly, at peace for the first time in weeks. It’s a kind of peace that makes him feel whole, that makes him feel as though he may be worth saving too.

#can you tell i watched TASM2 recently #HE ALWAYS ENDS UP SO SAD #make peter parker happy 2k23 #this is short but it needed to be posted #i love him sm #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #tasm peter parker #peter parker fluff #tasm!peter x you #tasm!peter parker x reader #spiderman x reader #spiderman x y/n #spiderman x you

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